Cure for Pain

“Hey, Walker. Wake up!” I heard through my sleep-fogged ears. I opened my eyes to see a small, green and purple baby dragon making the most terrifying look I had ever seen mere inches from my face. “AHH!!” I yelled, resisting the urge to punch Spike right in the nose.

“WOAH!” He yelled, running away from me. I got out of the floor, my back surprisingly not hurting from the hardwood floor. “What the hell was that for, Spike?” I asked fiercely. He simply laughed, shrugged, and said, “It wasn’t my idea.”

“Well then who’s ide-“ I was cut short by laughter from behind the couch. “REAL FUNNY, ASSHOLE!” I yelled, Coleton revealing himself from behind the futon. Both Spike and Coleton were in hysterics, laughing like a bunch of idiots. It was kind of funny, I guess. From there, I took the only logical route I could take.  “Well, that’s one heck of a first impression.” I said, sticking my hand out to shake Spikes’ hand. “Nice to meet you.” He shook my hand. “Same to you, man.”

I can’t believe I fell for that trick. The old hand-buzzer; so classic, but hurts like a bitch. When Spike and Coleton regained their composure (for the second time in two minutes), Spike told us that Twilight wanted them to go eat with her and her friends at the Cake’s bakery.

“Why would that be, Spike?” I asked, still holding my hand and cursing him under my breath. “She said she wanted to introduce you to her friends better. Watch out for Pinkie; whatever you’ve seen on the show, I can guarantee that she’s around ten times crazier than that.”  I recalled the entire bar incident from a couple of nights ago with a grin. “Trust me, I know.” I said, Coleton and I walking out the door.

When we finally managed to get to the bakery after what seemed like years of walking, we saw the mane 6 waving through the glass door. It was weird to be in the bakery after only seeing it; the smell coming from the kitchen was euphoric. I felt like I was going to do that cartoon gag where I levitated to the source of the smell, but I realized that that was possible. Or could it happen now that we lived in a cartoon?

I perished the thought and joined Twilight and friends at the booth. Surprisingly, the booth fit all eight of us with ease. It was convenient; back on Earth, you’d be lucky to fit four people in a booth, much less eight.

We pretty much talked like Coleton and I did with our friends back home. It started off with small talk, but it got pretty interesting once everyone started asking questions about our reality. Most of them asked normal questions like what life was like and what the differences were, but then there was Twilight. I swear if I answered one more question about the difference between a democracy and a republic, I would explode. Rarity sympathized with my plight, and changed the subject. “So, darlings, why did you wear clothes?” Coleton spat his coffee out, which both Pinkie and I laughed hysterically at.

“I’m sorry,” Rarity said defensively. “It’s just that we normally don’t wear them unless it’s for fashion reasons, so wearing clothes on a regular basis just doesn’t quite make sense.” She did bring up a good point, and the thought of ponies walking around stark naked all day every day was a disturbing thought I couldn’t seem to get out of my head.

After a bit more small talk and some more questions, we finally went our separate ways. It turned out Coleton was going with Rainbow Dash when she proposed the idea (and by that I mean he begged her until she agreed) to help him with his flying; a full grown pegasus who couldn’t fly must have been unheard of, and I didn’t want that to be hanging over his head, so I held my tongue and let him go with her. “They would make a cute couple.” Twilight said on the way back to the library. “Oh yeah, they’re PERFECT for each other.” I deadpanned. She laughed.

When we got back to the Library we were surprised to see five huge boxes beside the door, with a panting, wheezing Derpy not to far from the door. We let her inside to drink something and regain her energy; the boxes looked large and heavy.

“Derpy?” I asked. She looked concerned with the fact that I knew her name until Twilight explained how I knew it, which relieved her to my surprise. “What’s in those boxes?” She sighed. “I don’t want to know, I just hope it was worth it. After a while, she thanked us for the hospitality and went on her way. The second she was on the road to her next house I ran outside and dragged the boxes inside. I tried to rip the boxes open with my teeth (as was my primary method) before Twilight used her magic to cut the tape on the boxes. I felt stupid.

“As I tipped the box over, I heard an oddly familiar sound: the sound of snares hitting a drum head. No way. Surely enough, out of the box came stands, drum shells, drum heads, cymbals, and an instruction manual on building a drum set. Sweet Celestia, It was a drum set. It was a Words could not describe how simultaneously confused and excited I was until a note poured out with all of the drums and stands.

“Hmm?”  Twilight picked it up. “It’s for you.” I picked up the note, still in disbelief at what was happening. I read aloutd

“Dear Walker and Coleton.

I’m glad to see that my faithful student has helped you adjust to what is sure to be a radically different world. I looked at Twilight to see a large grin on her face. I had to agree that Twilight had helped us a lot with our transition, but what she said about a radically different world was actually not true. Aside from the fact that everyone was a pony and everypony had a mark of their calling on their ass, it was pretty normal. Things ran like they did back home, from the businesses to how social interaction was played out. I continued reading at the silent urging of Twilight.

“When I saw that your cutie marks were musical instruments, I figured that you two were musicians before you came here. I decided to help out and have a friend of mine make you some instruments to  hopefully make you feel a bit more at home here. I hope you two enjoy your stay in Ponyville!

Warmest Regards,

Princess Celestia

Well that did explain why there was no logo on anything. “What a nice thing to do!” Twilight said happily. “The princess sure is nice to- what are you doing?” She stopped midsentence to watch me approach the pile of assembly parts for my drum set and start setting it up. “I’m setting up the drums like I did back home.” She looked on in confusion as I went through all of the necessary steps to set up the drums. Why is she looking at me like that? I wonder. Is she taking notes on it? I looked back to see that she was, in fact, taking notes. She had a piece of parchment and was attentively writing what I did. She was even doing drawings!

It was four hours. Four hours I spent assembling the drum set. Apparently I made a major design flaw with the bass drum and I only figured it out when I was done. Twilight had gone to bed long ago, apparently bored of watching me retrace my steps. I was disassembling the bass drum, cursing under my breath when I heard the door open. I looked back to see Coleton, motionless, staring at my drums. “Yeah, it’s a drum set.” It was weird to be in the musical atmosphere again. It felt like we were back at the apartment, with me putting towels over my drums in an attempt to make them sound better and Coleton fiddling with the amplifier’s settings to get the tone. It was late when I noticed I had left two boxes completely unopened by the stairs. “Hey man, look in those boxes over there!” I said. He went over and ripped the box open. His face changed from a bored frown to the look of a kindergartner in a matter of seconds. Only one think could do that.

“He pulled out a black guitar with a white pickguard. It was so simple, yet so alluring. Again, there was no label except for a signauture on the headstock. I recognized the shape of the other box now. There was no mistaking it.

“Let me guess,” I said. “An amp?” he pulled out a typical looking amp. It was powerful, with a label under the volume knob that read “100 Watts.” I would dread living with Coleton with this thing plugged in. I was finally getting used to sleeping on the floor, and now the amp would be keeping me up?! “Hey Coleton, don’t-“  I looked over to the couch to see the most funny thing I had ever seen; he was on the couch, sleeping with his guitar. Of course, that was silly, and I wouldn’t sleep with an instrument like he was doing.

As I sat on the floor that night with my drumsticks, I contemplated where our life would go. I personally wouldn’t have minded staying. We could get jobs, buy our own houses, and live in Ponyville for the rest of our lives. It’s peaceful, it’s friendly, and it’s not filled with murder and gore like the fanfics would lead one to believe. It seemed perfect, and before long, I fell asleep fantasizing about spending my entire life living in this wonderful place.