The Poisonous Popcorn Epidemic

by hazysrainboom

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 2954

Vinyl is trapped in a nightmare full of crazy obstacles, with no way out except to keep running...

One day Vinyl Scratch is in Ponyville.

The next, she's in a mind-blowing dreamland she can't help but take advantage of. Chocolate rain? Looks yummy enough, but don't touch it, or the giant Pinkie Donut Monster will find you. Don't step on other ponies hooves, or you'll be sentenced to switching lives with a chipmunk. (Wait, I don't know about that one…) But most of all - never, ever look at the mare in the window of the big brick building, the building near the train tracks. Don't get scythe'd!
Join Vinyl in her desperate journey to wake up…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-30 23:30:01 UTC

Chapter %i%: Say This Ten Times Fast

Chapter 1: Say This Ten Times Fast

“I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?”

John Lennon

My eyes flutter open, awakening with a smile to greet the day. Last night's party had been way over the top, and I'm relieved I've gotten enough sleep. I'm also thankful that no nightmares about fruit punch had invaded me - I now had phobias for a few different foods I'd seen thrown up last night. Eew. Thank Celestia for my fogged-up sunglasses. They've saved me again.

Gee, I'm perfectly content until I realize I'm not on my mattress but lying on gravel. In the middle of the street. Maybe an after-party prank on the host. I would be okay with it, it's just that, um, I could be magically transformed into a Scratch Pancake. I like pancakes, but I wouldn't enjoy being one. This wasn't a great trick. I curse whoever dragged my into the road, and I stand up and look around me... But I'm not in a road. It's just a small dome-shaped valley, with no plants or grass or anything. It's just dirt. Am I dreaming? I'm done with this. Mister Sandman, wake me up now.

And then I hear something in the distance. Hooves, maybe? I brighten. I'm secretly hoping this is Octavia, coming to take me away from here. But Tavi doesn't make that much noise when she runs. Then I see a small figure, running down the side of the dome. It's not a pony, it's... A buffalo.

Little Strongheart is charging at me. I stumble back. There are more, bigger ones, behind her. Oh no. This is the worst nightmare since I was four, and Discord was chasing me in underground tunnels. But that was ridiculous. This seems so much more vivid... So much more real. Once I can get a better look I see that Little Strongheart is grinning at me like an idiot. The word troll comes to mind for some weird reason. I shrug it off - it really is a creepy grin, you know - and start running away from the buffalo stampede, hoping the dream-me was faster than, well, me.

But the buffalo are gaining on me. Why do they have to be so fast? I curse, and keep running, trying to tap into whatever gave me the courage not to give up in the first place. But I can't. I can't do it again. And the stampede is really close now.

Before I know it, the buffalo try and stampede right under me. Then I'm suddenly riding on Little Strongheart's back. "Say this ten times fast." Even though she isn't shouting, her voice booms like there's no other noise in the dome valley. "Buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo."

"What? Why?" I cry out. My voice isn't multiplied like hers.

She looks at me again, with that serial-killer grin. Troll, my mind screams again. I don't want any more "trollface." So I say it ten times, and fast. "Buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo" - I scream it over the clacking of buffalo hooves against the ground - "buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo" - I'm hyperventilating now - "buffalo... Buffalo!"

Everything disappears for a millesecond, and then I'm in Ponyville, lying in Sweet Apple Acres, my chest heaving. That was a mouthful. I don't think I like buffalo quite as much anymore. I think everything's okay, until I look up, and find that this is Discord's Ponyville.

Chapter %i%: Candy-loving Monstrosity

Chapter 2: Candy-loving Monstrosity

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

Albert Einstein

Lying dazed, staring up at cotton candy clouds and floating chunks of upside-down Ponyville, I've had enough of this. This is just plain stupid. I'm lying here, in the Discorded version of Sweet Apple Acres, with chocolate rain soaking me from horn to hooves. This is ridiculous... I wish Tavi were here with me, standing by my side, telling me to stop moping. I miss her criticism. I would pretend I hated it, but it was what kept me going at the end of the day, like what candy would do to ponies like Pinkie Pie.

Ohhh no. I immediately stop thinking about Pinkie Pie. I don't want her attacking my dream world as some weird monster... I stop myself again from imagining. I know that if Pinkie comes into the nightmare, she'll come as someone - or something - other than her real, sugar rush optimistic, frosting-loving self. I don't even want to think about what she'll become... I lick up some chocolate rain to distract myself, but it only reminds me more of Pinkie Pie. Ergh. I find it hard to stop thinking about her, now that I've started.

But - I sigh and give myself a facehoof - here comes the Pinkie Monster. Running through Sweet Apple Acres. Probably summoned by the "sweet" part of the name, or maybe because I was thinking about her just a moment ago. I give myself credit for effort, and stand there, awaiting my doom.

The monster is surprisingly like her - a supersized Pinkie Pie with a donut for a mouth, marshmallows for hooves, and long pink licorice for hair. Vinyl Scratch versus Giant Pinkie. I sure wonder what's going to happen. How silly of me to think I was going to become a Scratch Pancake earlier. Instead I'm going to be Scratch Applesauce, and who in Equestria would buy that? Nopony I know...

Last time I did what the trollish version of Little Strongheart had said and ended up getting away, but now what? Am I supposed to leap with ease into the candy monster's donut hole of a mouth? Sure, I'm not as swagalicious as DJ-Pon3, but there's no way I'm going to do that... Or is there? Maybe this is a test. Maybe I'm supposed to prove I can be brave as well as obedient. Maybe being brave is going straight into the mouth of the enemy, literally. But then again, it could be a test to see how well I can fight a Giant Pinkie. But I can't. So I'm a little confused now, and I'm going to have to go with the first option, because who, in the name of Celestia, would think me a match for the Pinkie Monster?

So I walk up to it. It leans down to me.

And I stare for a moment. It stares back menacingly.

Then jump through the donut hole.

Chapter %i%: Unexpected

Chapter 3: Unexpected

Write your sad times in sand, write your good times in stone.

George Bernard Shaw

For a split second, like last time I was transferring from dream to dream, my world is dark. Then, when the second is over, I'm not inside Giant Pinkie anymore. I guess I'd passed the "test." Easy peasy, right? No. But I did it. In the new light, I'm fully expecting to see a black hole or something, but I'm in a meadow - a beautiful yellow meadow.

Then it changes so that I'm surrounded by red brick wall.

I gape. How can it change? That doesn't make sense. I didn't do anything. And besides, I kind of liked the meadow - at least more than I'll probably enjoy the next miniature nightmare.

And it changes again. I'm now in a prison-like building, staring out behind bars. I'm frustrated now. I want to shout that I want my money back, but I remember I never paid for this. I never asked, but I'm seemingly paying anyway, with my precious time, which is slowly wasting away. I realize my sunglasses are crooked, so I just take them off. The scene around me changes to the Everfree Forest. I sigh. It's probably going to change again.

But it doesn't change this time. The owls are out preying, and the night air is crisp and strong. I think I'm supposed to be here this time. Here I am, at the entrance to the forest... What am I supposed to do?

Well: I first obeyed Little Strongheart when I was told to do something ridiculous, then leaped willingly into the mouth of a Candy Monster. My task now must be to... Enter straight into the Everfree. The inch of smile I'd been trying to hold onto fades. Here I go. I hold my breath, shut my eyes and march in...

One. Two. Three. Four. It should have ended at two - something's wrong. I open my eyes. I'm in the Everfree Forest, but I haven't gone black and woken up yet. My eyes threaten to tear up. I'm supposed to be awake by now. Who am I kidding? I start crying, right there in the middle of the forest. Then I hear something, and my sobbing softens to a whimper, which fades to silence except for the voice of another pony, a stallion. It's familiar; why can't I place a name to this voice?

"Cry, cry, Vinyl Scratch," the stallion teases, very rudely if you ask me. I open my eyes, leaving some of my electric blue mane hanging in front of my face, in case my eyes are blotched from the tears. "Go home to your mother, little filly!"

I almost gasp, but I hold myself back. Timeturner. It's Dr. Whooves teasing me. Now I know my brain is frazzled. "What do you want?" I mumble, wanting to get this entire episode over with.

"I want you to know that you're nothing," this fake Timeturner howls in my face. Now his voice isn't his. It's raspy and scratchy, and I know it's not him. I hold desperately to the fact that this isn't the real him. Timeturner is my friend, and he wouldn't say this to anyone, much less somepony he's known since he and I were little foals, still in the elementary schoolhouse with Miss Cheerilee. This is practically impossible for a nice pony like him.

And then it hits me. I know how to get past him. I take in a breath and sigh, stand up in front of him. Love and tolerate. I wrap my hooves around the body of my friend, knowing that the spirit of another is inside him, and the world goes black for the third time.

Chapter %i%: You've Changed

Chapter 4: You've Changed

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Doctor Seuss

I open my eyes, hoping to fianlly be awake, awake in Ponyville. But I'm not. I scowl. Well, did I really expect to wake up normal? It doesn't matter now, though, because I have one more task to finish.

I'm in a world of gray. Gray sidewalk, bordered by a gray cement wall, with gray fields and gray factories in the distance, letting off darker gray fumes. And it's all held together by a sky covered in depressing light gray clouds, probably helped by those toxic fumes... And Derpy isn't here to try and clear them up (even if she is gray). Everything is so sad, somehow. Even I feel lonesome here. But maybe that's just because I miss Tavi - or maybe it's just 'cause I hate this sick dream and I want to go home.

I keep thinking about Tavi. Who cares if she appears in my dream? It's worth it. Her gray body, her dark hair, the splash of color on the white choker she always wears. I'd never thought about how much I'd miss her when she's gone for too long, but now I'm forced to be away from her, and I feel that longing to have her next to me. I guess it's my fault.

I turn to sit down and wonder about what's going to happen next, when a glimpse of red passes my eyes. I narrow them. Something's strange here. Then I look up... And there's a colossal red brick building right in front of me. The only color in this dream is here, but yet it's still depressing. Then I notice somepony in the window, the upstairs window. Gray body, dark hair... And is that... A white choker? Octavia is staring down at me from the window, her head in her hooves. She's smiling as if in a daydream herself. And I'm instantly glad I summoned her with my thoughts about her - I'm smiling ear-to-ear.

Then I see something flash in her eyes. A glint of bright red, then back to her original color. Then her eyes turn red again, except they don't blink back, and her body changes... I leap back in horror, my signature glasses fall and they shatter on the ground. Tavi's body is now a living corpse - she's decaying before my eyes. I can't find my voice; I don't have time to wonder whether that was because I went so quickly from joy to horror or not. What's worse is that she jumps out of the window now, and her body below her torso is missing, and I'm completely frozen to the spot. The other dreams were weird, but this is unbelievable - I find myself staring at the hollow black eyes, and when she sees that I'm staring, she starts running at me. I brace myself to be knocked over, because I haven't yet learned anything from zombie Octavia being here, charging at me like Little Strongheart did earlier. And I know from the past dream segments that if I haven't learned something or done something I wouldn't have - gave into something I thought was useless, been so brave it was stupid, gave the enemy a bear hug - I wouldn't move on to the next dream.

So... I won't move on? I think as I clench my teeth and shut my eyes tightly, before deciding not to give this any more thought. Just in case this is the end, I don't want to die with pessimistic feelings.

Then what? My eyes are closed. I have no idea. But I can hear a squeak. Yes, a loud, high-pitched squeak, probably coming from that... That thing that I thought was Tavi. Then, a few seconds later, when there's no noise, I dare open one eye, just a smidge.

And Princess Luna is standing right there, in front of me. Before I can even say something stupid that I would have regretted, she smiles at me. "Vinyl, it seems to me that this dream has been longer than you'd wanted."

I don't stammer or say something dumb, but I smile back, a little shyly (considering that I'm in the presence of the princess, I don't want to act awkward, even though I'm ecstatic that I might finally get away). "Y-yeah... It's been a long day..." To my surprise, Luna doesn't turn into any crazy troll or cake monster or zombie, but she motions for me to follow her into her chariot, which is descending from the sky for us in an aura of blue magic, and we climb in and ride the moonbeams away from Dreamland and back to reality.

A Note from the Author

Special thanks to Sunset Swirl, for being next to me while I wrote the last chapter. *hug* I wish her luck with her new story, 20% Cooler.

:heart::heart::heart:

Thanks, people of FiMFiction, for the constructive criticism on my last story (which sucked). I know better now. :raritywink:

:heart::heart::heart:

Remember not to eat popcorn that's been sitting on your kitchen counter for a week. Let this be a lesson to you.

Chapter %i%: A Hospital's Hospitality

Chapter 5: A Hospital's Hospitality

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."

Orson Welles

The first thing I hear - although fuzzy - is Pinkie Pie. "Woah, those must have been some really bad baked bads!"

My vision is blurred but I can make out the hospital room, ponies in beds, tossing and turning with nightmares. "Uhhh..." I mutter to myself as I lift my head and scan the room for somepony who will know what in Equestria is going on... Certainly not the sick ponies... That's when I realize that all the others who are lying in beds here were the ones who'd attended my... Memorable party.

It's also when Nurse Redheart trots over and smiles sweetly - in the way only a nurse can after something strange happens and you need to be taken to the hospital - and holds a clipboard in front of her face and as she scans the notes, tells me, "Well, Vinyl Scratch, you've gotten yourself into quite a mess... It appears that the patients in this room have eaten week-old popcorn approximately two nights ago."

I'm prepared to shriek at her, but I simply pout. So I've wasted who-knows-how-long in a dream I didn't even like, and it was all because of poisoned popcorn. Popcorn. This is incredible, that I can get sick in a way I've never gotten sick before over some bad popcorn. It hadn't even said anything on the box about an expiration date (well, at least that's what I think. I've had that popcorn around the house for a while now... But I won't get into that...)

I look back on those dream segments and remember everything: Little Trollheart, Pinkie Monster, Dr. Rudewhooves, and Oct-teketeke-avia. I remember saying buffalo ten times fast, jumping through the donut hole, even my glasses shattering...

Wait. Hang on a minute.

Where are my glasses?