Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind

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Twilight slowly reached up a hoof and pushed her cracked, soot-blackened safety goggles up onto her forehead. Surveying the smoking crater in front of her, twenty paces across and at least five deep, she closed her hanging jaw just long enough to let the sort of word that would have got her grounded a few years ago tumble out – very quietly.

Beside her, the lunar princess hurled her own goggles into the pit and repeated Twilight's heartfelt utterance at a volume which rivalled the sonic boom-slash-impact-slash-explosion which still echoed and rolled around the vaults of the sky, stamping a petulant hoof. Behind her, Twilight could see a cloud of Pegasi rising from Canterlot by the light of the moon, not unlike a flock of startled bats. She closed her eyes and mentally gave thanks that she'd managed to persuade Luna to conduct the summoning ritual here, several miles north of Canterlot, rather than in the palace gardens, as she had wanted.

She kept her eyes closed when she heard the faint, shimmering ring of reality being parted like a curtain and a motherly voice saying, “Language, young ladies!”

With an audible gulp, she turned to see Princess Celestia step out of a square of blinding light, which flickered and vanished as soon as she had passed through it. There was a click and a blinding flash, and the Solar Goddess lowered her camera to reveal a stern face with just the hint of a grin.

“Sorry, but I couldn't resist. That's one for the album.”

Twilight had to admit that it probably did look pretty funny. Luna's dark-blue coat was currently Nightmare Moon-black and her mane and tail stood away from her body in single, cone-like spikes. From the unnatural weight she could feel on her own head, neck, and dock, she imagined that she must look much the same – but with added shredded lab coat.

Celestia continued in her kind, eternally-patient voice, “Now, which one of you would like to explain why there's cracked windows all over Canterlot, terrified ponies stampeding through the streets, Pegasi blown from the despatch station halfway to Trottingham, General Thunderaxe widdling himself in the Throne Room on that lovely rug I got from Saddle Arabia, and what looks like an unscheduled, unexpected meteor-strike? There is not, as they say, a smoking gun, but certainly a smoking hole in the ground which suggests that you two can probably help me on this one.”

That's it. We're doomed. I'll be able to help Luna pick her doll up herself – when Celestia banishes us both to the moon!

Instead, Celestia let out a sigh, and a brief pulse of her magic washed over the two bedraggled ponies. Luna blinked, then looked down at her now immaculately-clean and groomed body. Helpfully, she repeated her previous word, albeit at a normal volume this time.

Celestia's lip twitched, “Well, quite.”

“Uh... I can explain,” Twilight stuttered nervously, her voice a high-pitched squeak which was completely unbecoming a mare of her stature. Current stature, at least.

Celestia arched one eyebrow, “Really?”

Twilight opened her mouth to reply, hesitated, then shut it again when her mind remained infuriatingly blank. “No, there's too much – let me sum up. Um...”

Luna jumped in hurriedly, “We were conducting experiments.”

“I see.”

“Experiments in the arts of summoning and teleportation,” Luna added, squirming uncomfortably under her sister's level gaze.

“I see,” Celestia said again.

“We thought it might possibly be dangerous, which is why we came all the way out here,” Twilight added helpfully.

“Of course. That was very thoughtful of you, I'm sure. Now tell me – what exactly were you summoning that required a seventeen-crystal amplification matrix focused through a blue diamond nexus, four orbs of power, and a banana?”

Twilight had to push her lower jaw shut with one hoof at the uncomfortably-accurate description. “A-a.. what?”

“A banana,” Celestia repeated serenly, pointing her hoof at the smoking pit.

“There was no banana,” Twilight stuttered weakly.

“Really? My mistake. Everything's certainly gone fruit-shaped, though, hasn't it.”

“Well... technically...”

Luna could take no more, and threw herself on her sister's mercy, “'Tis my fault, and mine alone, dear sister! I was merely attempting to retrieve certain items from the moon. I took the liberty of co-opting Twilight.”

“And what was your part in this, Twilight?”

“We thought that the best way to summon things would be through the use of a modified affinity spell. After all, after a thousand years Princess Luna must have a pretty strong affinity for them, right?”

“Indeed she must – but nothing like the affinity she has for the moon itself! Honestly, Luna, you know this! I am impressed that you managed to focus so finely that you only summoned a boulder instead of the entire planetoid, but really!”

“It was the only way. I tried to find it visually, but everything looks different from down here,” Luna protested.

“Aha – that explains the ridiculous charade with the Royal Observatory,” Celestia noted. “Oh, don't look so shocked! Did you really think I wouldn't notice?” she added with a trace of impatience at her sister's obvious dismay.

“'Twas worth a try,” Luna muttered sullenly. “But truly, sister, do not blame Twilight Sparkle. She has aided me with admirable zeal, but the responsibility is mine.”

Celestia frowned, “You speak is if she was a servant bound to do your bidding, Luna. She is not. If she has helped you, it is because she chose to. Because she is your friend. Do you remember the talk we had when you returned from your exile? The first night?”

“You said that I must make friends so that I would never feel alone again,” Luna mumbled, hanging her head like a guilty schoolfoal.

“I did – and if you can count Twilight as one of your friends, then you are lucky indeed. I also said that if anything was bothering you or needed help with anything at all, that you could come and talk to me at any time. I am a little disappointed that you tried to hide this from me – but I am happier that you have made a good friend.”

“You're not going to make me write you a letter, are you?” Luna asked miserably.

Celestia laughed, “Maybe I should, just to make sure that you remember it in future! Now, what were you trying to retrieve, Luna, and can I help in any way?”

Luna coughed and shuffled her hooves awkwardly.

“I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that,” said Celestia sweetly.

Luna's lips may have moved, but no audible sound came out.

“I'm afraid I missed that, too.”

“Mr. Snuggles!” Luna thundered at the top of her lungs, “There! Are you happy now?!”

Celestia blinked, “Your old doll?”

“Yes! My beloved Mr. Snuggles was my only companion for a thousand years, sister! I miss him more keenly than I can say!”

“Oh, Lu-lu!” Celestia sighed compassionately.

“Shut up. You know I hate that nickname,” Luna sulked. “You're just going to make fun of me.”

Celestia looked rather hurt, “I didn't realise how dear he was to you, Luna, or I would have tried to help you before now. Now, I don't have the same problem with affinity for the moon that you had, so let's see if I can bring him back to you?”

The tall white Alicorn shut her eyes and her horn started to glow softly. She drifted up off the ground, like a snowflake in reverse, and as the light from her horn intensified, her eyes shot open to focus on the moon, brimming white with power. Seconds later, there was a metallic-sounding pop and a flash of light a few yards away, and Celestia floated back down to the ground. Together, the three of them trotted over to look for their prize – and found only a small pile of greyish moondust.

“Ah. This might be a little more difficult than I though,” said Celestia, “Hang on a tick.”

The wondrous magical scene was repeated, but this time they found a hoofful of small rocks instead. Luna glared pointedly at her sister, who grinned sheepishly.

“Does anypony have a telescope I could borrow?”

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