You and I, Me and You

by thewaffler

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sweetie Belle, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Pipsqueak
Length: 24364

For their mares, join Pip along with Spike as they go on the adventure of a "lifetime".

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd do anything for them? Travel great distances, search for the hidden, put yourself in danger, even...trade your life?

Two souls fueled by their overwhelming love for a mare will do just that
this winter.....the bro movie of the year is.....You and I, Me and You!
this time.....it's personal

A collaboration fic with GiantMako

*The violence and gore is nothing worse than a PG-13 Rated movie.

Staring:
Pip "Pipsqueak"
Spike
Princess Luna
Sweetie Belle

and countless cameos.

Slight Spoilers: This is Luna x Pip and Spike x Sweetie Belle.

Published 2012-12-11 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-09 01:22:38 UTC

Pip Begins

Ch.1: Pip Begins

"You're my favorite princess." A young Pipsqueak said those words on Nightmare Night many years ago. Nopony took those words seriously. They were just the words of a little pinto foal. It's been almost twenty years since that night. Every Nightmare Night since, Pipsqueak had found himself becoming more and more infatuated with the princess of the night. He loved Luna when he was at that stage when fillies were gross.

Luna herself had grown fond of of the Pipsqueak as he was the first one of the first ponies to approach her since her return. At first it started it off as a type of parental affection, but as Pip matured and his name became more and more ironic she felt herself becoming attracted to the young spotted stallion. By her stars above she loved him.

Every Nightmare Night they would meet up and reflect of each other's respective lives and catch up. They had done so every year for the past twenty-two years. They would occasionally meet up when Pip had some free time or when his job took him to Canterlot, but the fall holiday was a special time for the two of them.

It was this night that Luna waited patiently on a large picnic blanket on a hilltop overlooking Ponyville as she waiting her stallion.

Several Days before Nightmare Night

Pip always wanted to be adventurer when he was little. As an adult he considered himself a treasure hunter and archaeologist. Though to his critics he was a grave robber, thief, and the lowest class of scoundrel.

It was here in the this seedy nameless little bar in Coltlumbia that Pip once again found himself tied to a chair receiving a warm welcome from the locals. A not uncommon situation for the twenty-seven year old stallion. He was in the standard back room of a pub surrounded by eight or so pissed off stallions and hired thugs. This time it was a stallion claiming to be the reincarnation of the god: Tepeyollotl.

*BASH*

"Give me the idol Pip!"

The earth pony flashed his trademark cocky grin and spit a wad of blood at his attacker. "I don't have your idol and fuck you anyway."

His defiance was met with a strong slap across the face which sent him and the chair to the ground. The gang got a good laugh out of it, but what they failed to notice was that the old wooden chair their prisoner was attached to was severely weakened by their own actions.

"The idol of Tepeyollotl, where is it?"

"*cough*Okay, Okay, I'll tell ya. Come closer." Pip whispered.

As his foe got closer Pip snapped his restraints off and rammed the two pieces of the chair he broke off into the jugular of his interrogator.

"GAHHHH*gurgle*" The stallion claiming to be a god collapsed clutching his neck as he choked on his own crimson fluid as Pip had turned the once proud stallion into a blood fountain.

Almost immediately the rest of the bar erupted into a violent and chaotic mess as the now dead leader of the paid thugs wanted their money and his loyal subordinates wanted to tear the pinto limb from limb.

He took a swing from a nearby bottle, given his luck so far the stallion really could go for a drink. "Crap."

Pip took the liquor bottle and whipped at his would be attackers if only so that he could fight them in a more narrow area of the bar. The diversion worked well enough, but a bruised rib decided to make itself known right as Pip started to take a defensive stance. With one hoof holding his side in pain the pinto lacked the proper defense to ward off an incoming right hook.

Once the fighting had started the actual patrons and the bartender cleared out deciding that they all had had enough to drink for the evening. Pipsqueak had a lot on his hooves as there was still quite a few ponies that wanted a piece of him, but then again that was a typical day in his line of business.

Rolling with the blow the moment he received it Pip seized the still outstretched arm of his attacker, and with a sharp tug pulled it out of it’s socket. The now teary-eyed thug scarcely had time to cry out in pain before a barstool collided with his ugly mug. Pip would have laughed if the still sizeable crowd of foes weren't still headed toward him, with barely any room to breath Pip decided to get creative.

Jumping over the bar top quicker than the eye could follow Pip headbutted a stallion that had gotten too close right into a jukebox which oddly enough started playing this song.

♪♫ You leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me... ♪♫

Everyone stopped fighting for a second and moaned in disgust.

One of the hired goons called out. “Why do we even have this record?”

Pip quickly threw a beer bottle at the jukebox which switched songs to something, anything better than what was just playing. The criminals and thugs gave a sigh of relief as they went back to beating the crap out of each other.

It wasn't all triumph for him as a pool stick made contact with his back which caused him to stumble forward on to a table flipping it over.

"Arg!" Pip bellowed in pain.

The large stallion that had stuck him from behind was joined by two other ponies, Pip’s current predicament reminded of a less than enjoyable encounter with a gang of treasure hunters a year or so back. Just as they lunged forward Pip rolled out of the way, grabbed an astray and blew its contents into the eyes of his pursuers. Temporarily blinded they swung their hooves madly into the air around their target. Taking advantage of his assailant’s vulnerability Pip swept the front legs of the middle stallion which caused him to topple into his companions. Pip would have patted himself on the back if it wasn’t already busy throbbing in pain from that pool stick cheap shot, or the various other injuries he had received.

“Hope ya don’t mind me borrowing this for just a tick.” Eyeing the black stiletto strapped to the top ponies waist, Pip wasted no time in arming himself.

As it’s handle rested in Pip’s teeth, the blade seemed to glint menacingly to the crowd of thugs still eager to give the stallion a good thrashing. “How about we cut out all this kiddy stuff and get straight to the point?” The remaining goons were happy to oblige as Pip noticed a few pull out their own knives, hell one even had a rusty chain.

As the crowd closed in on the pinto whose back was killing him, had a hard time catching his breath, and was probably sporting a new scar or twelve, Pip almost cursed his love for adventure.

“Nah!” Despite the way his body nearly seizing up in pain Pip bolted forward, swiped his head toward the closest colt, and the stiletto glinted for a millisecond as it caught the light.

“Gauughh!” A spray of crimson filled Pip’s vision as he gave his opponent a new optical cavity. The thug clutched his head in pain, and in a desperate attempt to cease the gush of scarlet his panicked movements impeded his comrades from getting to the still on the move pinto. Weapon now coated in blood, Pip ducked low to get under a deadly swipe from another stallion who held a large skinning knife, and moving like a cobra struck forward to pierce his attackers chest like it was cotton.

Rolling across the dirty floor before any counter attack could be attempted Pip looked back to view his work. One stallion leaning over the bar frantically looking around for something to stop the blood that still spurted from where an eye had sat, and another just now slumping to the floor as his body finally registered that it had taken a blade to the heart. “Not my best work, but not my worst.”

The ominous rattle of a moving chain was the only warning Pip received before he suddenly found the simple task of breathing to have turned into quite the challenge. “This can’t be good!”

“Oy! Looks like I done caught meself a soon to be dead rat.” A stallion sporting a long scar across his nose gloated to his fellows as Pip gasped for air. With what was possibly his last breath Pip spat out the stiletto toward an overhanging light bulb just above the laughing crowd of now jobless minions.

As luck would have it that same bulb was barely held up by a single string and some wires, the edged missile cut cleanly through the string and one wire and the remaining wire sprinkled down a lightshow of sparks. Just as Pip’s vision began to fade, and he prepared to hear the 'ol fat mare sing his pupils fixated on the image of one of his attackers bucking suddenly as a renegade spark stung his hide. A random kick struck the the arm of the scarred stallion loosening his grip on the chain enough to give Pip a few well appreciated intakes of air.

“Can’t go dieing just yet, now can I?” Catching a second wind Pip gripped the chain with his teeth and pulled back with all he had, the scared stallion was pulled down to the floor with a loud thud, and round two was ready to commence. Casting the chain off himself Pip spat out a glob of blood that had worked it’s way into his throat, and glanced quickly around himself for another weapon. “Beer bottle..no. Bar stool...already did that. Rubber chicken?...Bloody hilarious but probably useless.”

It was around this time that a stray spark from the still overhanging cut wire landed into a puddle of whiskey, and the results were instantaneous.

Everyone in the bar couldn’t help but wince when the bright flames leapt up from the puddle of alcohol, and climbed up the leg of a colt who was currently standing in that exact spot. The burning pony’s cries of anguish quickly changed the hostile tone within the area as suddenly everyone was scrambling like mad toward an exit.

“........That works.” Thanking his good fortune for the sudden, and deadly distraction Pip wasted no time in looking the bar over for his belongings, the fire’s growing proximity to the rest of the bar’s stash of booze hurried his search.

Pip finally found his pack they took from him when he was captured and jumped out a window just as the flames reached the basement distillery.

KA-BOOOOM

The bar was reduced to nothing but a pile of flaming timber and charred remains, and as he watched from a safe distance Pip was overcome with a sudden need for a smoke. After going through his pack for a minute Pip smirked in triumph as he pulled out one of his favorite cigars. Stealing a light from a nearby burning piece of lumber Pip trotted away from the wreckage as he enjoyed a well drawn out puff.

"...And that's how I retrieved the idol of Tepeyollotl." Pip retold his tale of the last week to Luna who was taken aback with his latest exploits.

How he managed to continue to survive his ordeals with only a few scars to show for it, astounded the lunar princess.

As they cuddled on the hill Luna whispered to Pip. "I wish this didn't have to end."

She knew Pip would grow old and he knew it too. In his research into the matter he found one reference to an ancient artifact crafted by Star Swirl himself mentioned in the chronicles of Sir Clover the Clever. It is said to give immortality to those who find it. Any clues to this artifact as lost with Star Swirl himself.

(One Week Later)

Pip stood in front of the dilapidated rope bridge that marked the entrance to the ancient ruin.

Thanks to some clever digging around and research, Pip figured that the best place to start would be Old Canterlot Castle, located in the heart of the Everfree forest. Knowing that Star Swirl’s death predated Luna’s exile, Pip figured that his grave would not have been moved and was the best place to start.

‘The big question is how do I get into the Catacombs?’ Drawing a map from his saddle bags, Pip unfurled the parchment so he could look over the image displayed. It was an old layout of the ruin, it wasn’t much but it gave him a place to start.

Weaving through the overgrowth as nature was reclaiming the once proud structure, he found the Castle’s temple. With some leverage, he pushed the large stone statue that sealed the catacombs off from the rest palace. As he broke an ancient seal, stale air rushed out from its entrance.

It was almost baffling to Pip how with just a few steps he went from the still shining sun of midday to the now pitch black veil that loomed ominously before the pinto as he stepped within.

“Could really go for some light right about now.” A few stray bones just barely visible in the dark did a great job at foreshadowing what was sure to come, but instead of being intimidated the pinto was struck with a sudden idea. Tearing off a piece of fabric from within his pack Pip wrapped it around the end of a sturdy looking bone and pulled out a match.

Before long the darkness was pierced through thanks to Pip’s makeshift torch, now that he could see the stallion couldn’t help but realize the less than pleasing ways the rest of his senses were being assaulted. A cold breeze chilled Pip to the bone as it exited from deeper within the passageway making a sound akin to the whispers of long dead souls. The ground and walls were nearly ice cold to the touch, and glistened from ripples of water that escaped from of the larger cracks that had formed over the centuries.

Barely ten minutes in Pip nearly tripped over an uneven step, as he chuckled at himself for being less wary than he really should have, his ears perked up at the sound of a sudden click. Instincts kicking in Pip leaped forward just as the lethal sound of metal grinding against stone at a high velocity cut through the silence. From where he laid Pip turned his head to witness a dozen long rusty spears sticking out from the walls, points still as sharp as the day there were made, and cruel, curved bars all along their shafts. “Blimey! Doubt Luna would happy to see me sporting a few holes in my hide next time I see her.”

After picking himself off the cold floor, and dusting himself off Pip continued down the hallway, this time his senses on high alert. Before long Pip found himself facing a large stone door, unidentifiable images carved into it, and a few pony skeletons laying in a heap just between him and the door. ”Poor blokes almost made it too.” Walking past the long departed ponies Pip reached out toward the door, the cold stone sunk into itself, and the entire room echoed with the sound of move stone structures. Mind jumping straight back to the corpses behind him, Pip hugged the stone door as fast as he could. Not even a second later a large bladed pendulum sliced through the air where he once stood, before retracting back into the dark ceiling.

Once he was sure the trap had run it’s course Pip placed both of his hooves on the door, this time being careful to avoid the button he had pressed the first time. Putting all his weight into it, the pinto managed to force the door open, leading him into a large room with a lone coffin made of what looked to be marble sitting in the middle.

The room was for the most part empty, figuring that what he was searching for must have been within the marble coffin sitting before him, Pip bravely strode forward. Oddly enough the coffin didn’t require much effort to pry open, as it’s lid had grooves obviously made for pony hooves. As the lid slid out of place due to Pip’s pushing a cloud of what he hoped to be dust billowed from within causing the adventurer to go into a small coughing fit. Once the fit had finished Pip peered within the coffin, and whistled to himself. “No offense Star Swirl old bean, but it don’t look like you kept that great over the years.”

A pony skeleton lied comfortably in place still draped in what could have been highly expensive robes, though what really caught Pip’s attention was the heavily damaged stone tablet with the only unmarred section held tightly within the dead pony’s arms. With a little prying Pip was able to free what was left of the tablet from it’s past owner’s bony grasp, though the stallion couldn’t make heads or tails of the characters engraved on it, in the dim light.

Remembering an old trick from back in his rookie days Pip dug around in his pack until he found just what he needed, with a small piece of charcoal in one hoof, and a piece of paper in the other Pip quickly set to work. Rubbing the charcoal onto the tablet until it’s entire side was covered in a thin layer, Pip then lightly pressed the paper down onto the tablet. As he worked the stallion was completely oblivious to the fact that his discarded pack had landed on another button that had been sitting on the other side of the coffin.

As Pip turned the paper over to get a good look at the now imprinted message, the walls opposite from where he stood began to crumble. “Well looky here, seems like my luck is finally picking up.” The grin that had begun to set onto the stallion’s face quickly deflated as he couldn’t help but notice the sound of rocks hitting the floor. With an ominous chill going down his spine Pip turned his head just in time to watch the wall crumble away, and an angry gush of water begin to flood the room. “Well buck me running then!”

If Pip had done a bit more research he might have stumbled on the little fact that a very lively river ran just parallel of the castle, apparently feeding into a grand-daddy booby trap. Just goes to show kids, that it’s never too late to jinx yourself.

Stowing everything on hoof into his pack, Pip galloped as fast as he could back into the dark passageway, the water already soaking past his hooves. “Better pick up the pace Pip, immortality won’t do ya any good if you’re already dead!” Heart beating erratically, the stallion continued his stomp down the flooding hall like a bat outta hell, just barely jumping over the spike trap that would’ve surely enjoyed another shot at his flank.

Just as the water began to tickle his underside Pip noticed the entrance to what looked like an old aqueduct, lacking any better options the stallion decided to trust his frantic mind’s hair-brained scheme. Now Pip was less running as he was riding the rushing water as it spat him out into the remains of an ancient bath house. Counting his blessings the pinto high-tailed it out of the old castle as the unending water turned it into a giant waterfall.

Rubbing in hoof he made his way through the forest, back to Ponyville and via train he would make to Canterlot to study the tablet markings. Of course it is written in ancient Ponyscript.

(Three Sleepless Night Later)

A long life of narrowly escaping death, trading blows with vicious foes, and learning of some of the worlds greatest secrets should have been a boon to Pip’s current research. But all of that, a room full of literature dedicated to Equestrian myths, and five pots of the blackest coffee the stallion could find had done little to make sense of the markings left on the paper before him.

Pip’s usual clean, well lit, organized, fair smelling study looked like it was hit with a frat boy tornado, and underneath a pile of maps and wadded up paper the stallion grumbled angrily. The image he had gained from the tablet was a sure fire clue, but for the life of him Pip couldn’t figure out what the clue meant. Pip turned his sleep deprived eyes to the dozen of left open books that seemed intent on burying what had been a well kept desk, then groaned as he took in the sight of the little piece of paper that had stopped him better than any weapon wielding hired hoof.

“For the love of the celestial bodies, what am I not getting?!” Rising to his full height, and shaking off the pile of maps, and papers that had covered him Pip prowled toward his newest clue and glared daggers at it. “Not one single book can tell me about this damn tablet or the symbol.” The truly irritating thing about the cursed symbol was that for some reason Pip found it highly familiar, like something he would see everyday, or from a really strong memory. Rubbing a hoof against the five o'clock shadow he had developed during his long period of self induced isolation, Pip focusing his thinking power on why the symbol looked so recognizable.

During his musings Pip began to unconsciously pace around the trashed room, his mind oblivious to the knocked over books, and dirty coffee cups that his hooves would kick, and step on top of. It would just so happen that after a sharp pivot Pip’s left hoof would trip over an exceptionally large novel titled ‘Iron Will’s guide to Beating Some Sense Into The Thick-Headed.’ snapped out of his thoughts Pip attempted to catch himself, but instead of touching down on the solid floor his hoof came down on a novelty mug he had bought when the weather had started to cool down. With hardly enough time to yell in surprise Pip found himself colliding with the oak bookshelf his father had passed down to him, after the initial *Thud* a book fell from the highest shelf, and knocked out the already dazed stallion.

When Pip finally came back to the waking world his eyes narrowed at the resilient mug that had taken him down with such little effort, imprinted on it’s side in red lettering ‘Falling for this coffee.’ Never before had the stallion been filled with such an intense dislike for cups with season jokes, and just as he stood up to hurl the offender into a wall Pip noticed the book that had finished him off.

“Daring Do and the Leviathan's Laurel.”

Staring at the pegasus doing cool stuff on the cover like a baws, reminded Pip of his foal days back when reading Daring Do novels was considered cool thanks to a certain rainbow maned pegasus declaring it so. When he was young Pip enjoyed immersing himself in the dangerous adventures that the fictional mare had gotten into countless, in fact now that he thought of it this was his favorite out of the entire series. As the nostalgia started to set in Pip looked over the well aged novel, taking note of the hero, the deadly environment, the edge of the temple that sported an oddly familiar symbol...waaahht?!

“...I-it couldn’t be..” As much as he didn’t want to believe what was sitting right in front of his eyes, there was no arguing with the fact that the very same symbol that he had spent three sleepless, forsaken nights trying to decipher was casually placed on one of his favorite stories as a foal. This would make for the perfect reason for any stallion to go on a growling tangent that would involve smashing some furniture, a dozen swears, and maybe challenging the loud neighbor next door to a kumite, but instead Pip chuckled manically to himself and decided to catch up on some sorely missed sleep.

A day later the pinto was shaved, fed, and after enjoying a well deserved smoke, diligently looking up everything that he could find regarding the writer to the Daring Do series. Intriguing enough the writer had used an alias, and after searching through a few old newspapers, and questioning the right ponies Pip had himself a location. Whoever this writer was it lived in lower Manehattan, and seemed to have gone through great lengths to keep his/her name and address a secret, Pip had learned that the hard way when he was forced to part with a good amount of bits to get a publisher to give him the answers he wanted.

After a train ride, stopping by a pub for a quick drink, and a little wandering around Pip finally reached the address he had scrawled onto a note card that he ‘borrowed’ from the gray maned publisher back in Canterlot. Truth be told he was expecting different from what loomed before him, with more than a couple of windows boarded up, a roof that looked on the verge of caving in, and a less than friendly metal door with complimentary yellow tape stating ‘Do Not Enter’ the apartment building didn’t scream “The author of a highly popular book lives here”.

“Nothing ventured nothing gained right?” And with that Pip approached the derelict door, raised his right hoof, and knocked as gently as he could. *Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Pip’s ears flattened against his skull as he was caught off guard by the booming noise his hooves had made, he honestly had tried to be gentle. Before he could ponder the matter further the sound of multiple latches being unset caught Pip’s attention as well as the metal door opening just enough for an old set of amber eyes to glare at the startled pinto.

“Who the hell are you, and what do you want?”

“Are you by any chance...Close Call?”

The aged amber orbs twitched for a slight moment, then narrowed even more in Pip’s direction as if suspicious of something. “Who wants to know?”

“Pip, and I think you might able to help me with a problem of mine.”

“Let me tell ya a little secret kid. We all got problems, now get lost.” With that the old stallion made to shut the door close, but a sudden resistance foiled his efforts. It didn’t take much effort on the aged earth ponies part to figure out what had prevented him from closing his door, sure enough his amber eyes took in the sight of a stallion staring at him a determined sheen in his eyes. With an annoyed sigh the recluse glared at the persistent disturber of his peace, and tried to remember where he had placed his bat. “You’re not gonna make this easy, are ya sonny?”

“Not by a long shock sir. I’m not looking for trouble here, but I couldn’t help noticing that a symbol that appears on one of your great novels looks similar to something I’ve been looking for.” Even with his hoof still pressed on the cold door to keep it open, Pip tried his best to not appear threatening. “Will you at least hear me out Mr. Close Call?”

“.....You have my good ear until I either find my beating stick, or call the authorities.”

Nearly half of his life spent thumping oversized goons, escaping traps, and Pip found himself at the mercy of a crotchety old stallion. Still at least he had a chance, and surely once his reasons were explained he’d get the answers he was looking for. “Alright I’ll be completely honest with you, I’m looking for an artifact that can possibly help me live forever and I could really use that.”

“Sounds like a personal problem slugger, try eating your veggies and staying away from cigarettes.” The pony dubbed Close Call nearly growled out his response, and Pip could swear that he could see the earth pony reaching for something within the dark building.

“Cmon old timer you gotta help me out here, I’ve spent so much time looking for this. If I give up now everything I’ve to this point will have been for nothing, please don’t leave me hanging here.” Seeing that the old colt was unmoved by his words Pip realized that he was gonna have to swallow some pride, with a deep sigh the pinto hung his head low. “.....Ok then gramps...name your price, I’m on my knees here so just tell me what this is going to take.

“Somethings aren’t for sale youngun. Now stand up, a grown stallion should be more self respectin than that.” At some point Pip’s descent toward full blown groveling had moved the amber eyed elderly, and as much as he distrusted the stranger at his door there was something vaguely familiar that radiated from the now blinking stallion. “Also it’s rude to go on remindin a pony of it’s age, so stop calling me gramps and just call me by my name.”

“And what would that be...sir?” Having risen back to his full height Pip watched as the stallion fully opened the door, revealing itself to be an earth pony much like himself. A short trimmed mane of dark brown complimented the old yet still firmly muscled body of the older pony though his slate grey fur still held a healthy sheen. Grunting in reply the stallion who’s head barely reached Pip’s chin turned around and returned to the depths of the building, taking the hint Pip followed quickly after.

“You can call me Dig...Dig Site. And before you go off misinterpreting the situation here sonny, I’m only letting you in because my bones are starting to ache and I watching you sob outside my doorstep is tiring me out.”

Now inside the building Pip was actually surprised to find the interior to be much more welcoming than the outside had been. It wasn’t lavish or anything like that, but Pip couldn’t help but notice that this Dig had good taste. The pinto followed the older stallion down a short hallway, and up a set of stairs that seemed to creak louder with every step, as he quietly followed Pip took note of the various photos that decorated the walls. In all of them Pip could see a much younger looking Dig standing triumphantly atop snowy mountains, posing in front of ancient temples, and more interesting a highly familiar pegasus mare stood right beside the stallion in most of them.

“I-Is that?”

Dig stopped in place at the top of the stairs and fixed his amber eyes on the same photo Pip was staring at, this particular picture had been taken in the far east, Dig and his companion had their arms around one another as they held a shining emerald statue of a long forgotten pony emperor. “I see you recognize my old partner in crime.” For a moment Dig’s eyes glossed over as he remembered that particular adventure in exact detail, the jungle’s stifling heat, the far off cries of distant wildlife, and of course the she smiled whenever they barely survived the predicaments she got them into.

“The adventures of Daring Do....they were real?” Even if he did live in a land where ponies controlled the weather, and raised the sun the idea that the hero to his favorite childhood stories had been an actual breathing pony was staggering to Pip.

“As real as you or me kid, Daring thought writing down our adventures would make for a funny way to remember our younger days.”

“B-But none of the issues ever mentioned any pony besides Daring Do, why wouldn’t you..”

“It’s called covering your tracks knucklehead, if somepony actually knew that these stories were more fact than fiction then I’d have more trouble makers like yourself buggin me every day.” Dig tore his gaze away from the photo to glare at the pinto next to him, then continued up the stairs to the next floor.

“Wait! I still haven’t told you what I need your help with yet.” Nearly tripping over himself Pip bolted up the stairs, reaching the top just as the tip of Dig’s tail escaped into a room to the left. As made his way toward the room to catch up Pip noticed that the number of photos hadn’t decreased in frequency, but most of them lacked the female pegasus, and instead featured an aging earth pony standing alone.

“And I still haven’t told you if I’ll help you either way foal.”

Dig’s reply rang out before Pip had even entered the room the venom in the elder’s voice causing Pip to stumble for a moment. When he peered inside Pip’s eyes took in the sight of a fair sized study no too different from his own, though the furniture was older, and a few familiar treasures sat in the odd place or two. The glow of a lit fireplace cast an odd light around the old stallion as he sat alone before a large black and white portrait, his back turned to Pip.

The portrait was of Dig and Daring Do performing a high-five in front of the very castle that Pip had nearly gotten himself killed inside of just a few days ago. The duo wore matching grins filled with cockiness as they looked prepared to unearth every last secret that the ominous structure held, full of themselves and ready to take on every challenge that came their way.

“That’s where I found the tablet.”

Dig’s head suddenly snapped in Pip’s direction his amber eyes reflecting the fire that crackled and hissed inside of the fireplace. The pinto had to fight the urge to step back, and the urge to facehoof when it dawned upon him that he had spoken out loud, instead of just thinking it.

“.....And now I know why you’re here.”

Despite the very much alive fire that ate into the blocks of wood between the two ponies, Pip felt like the room temperature had plummeted suddenly. He swore inwardly in frustration as he had hoped to get to that point in a much calmer fashion, but it would seem his cards were all on the table now.

“The tablet...it was damaged when I found it, but you found it first didn’t you?”

Dig turned back to the portrait raising his left hoof up toward it as if he was reaching out to somepony. “...We did.”

“Was it broken back then as well?”

“Only after we left.”

“So you’re the ones who broke it then!”

A snort escaped from the old stallion as he lowered his hoof, and brought it close to his face as if to inspect something. “You catch on quick kid.”

“But why?!” Pip was getting more questions than answer as he tried to wrap his mind around everything that was happening. Daring Do had been a real mare, the stories he grew up hearing were actually fact instead of works of fiction, and all his work had been stonewalled by this aged earth pony. “Why did you leave it in there? Why did you just break it and never shared it’s secret with the rest of pony society?”

“Because it was a pointless endeavor you idiot!” Dig’s raised hoof stomped onto the hardwood floor hard enough to cause Pip to jump, and the the whole room to shake for the slightest of moments.

“W-What?!”

“Let me ask you this Pip! What good is finding the secret to eternal life, if you’re dead before you find it?” With every word spoken Dig’s voice raised steadily in volume, and his ears flattened against his skull like an angry beast.

Pip’s mind was racing as it tried to deduct a reasoning for the stallion’s agitation, as well as figure out the cryptic words that were assaulting his ears. If what he had researched was true then the stallion before him shouldn’t have aged past the moment he used the artifact, and if Dig had been the one to damage the fragment then he would have learned the location of the next clue. As his eyes frantically roamed the room looking for something else to focus on besides the pissed off pony in front of him they came to rest on the black and white portrait. With the force of a runaway freighter driven by a muscle-bound minotaur, the truth finally dawned upon Pip with enough force to cause his head to ache.

The photos lacking Daring Do, the bitterness that practically radiated off of Dig, the reason that instead of being cherished as a nationwide hero the mare’s exploits were only spoken of in a work of supposed fiction.

“S-She didn’t make it.....did she Dig?”

It was like the words that escaped the pinto’s mouth had taken a solid form and knocked the air right out of Dig, the fire that roared in the old stallion’s amber orbs snuffed out, and the slate colored pony seemed to have trouble catching his breath. With the fight thoroughly taken out of him Dig turned his gaze back to the still moving flames, for a moment the only sound that was heard was the fireplace’s contained charge.

“No......we had been careless....hadn’t moved as fast as we should have. I’m sure you’re aware of the dangers that our profession carries.”

Of course Pip was aware, he’d lost more tail hairs than he could count to blades that slashed from out of nowhere, been branded with numerous scars from traps that had come oh so close to ending his career, but as real as the dangers were Pip couldn’t wrap his mind around an experienced adventurer like Daring Do being done in by simple temple trap. As if reading the pinto’s mind Dig spoke again, interrupting Pip’s thoughts for a moment.

“Did you know that ancient ponies would sometimes cover the tips of their darts with the venom from a apex manticore’s stinger?” Dig turned his head back to the black and white portrait, his gaze focused solely on the pegasus that smiled at him. “Back in their day it was considered an absolute death sentence to just nick yourself with a molecule of the stuff, an excruciating end that wracked the body with pain for a handful of hours. Can you imagine having come so close just to fall victim of some ridiculous sticks and stone trap?”

“But the artifact is supposed to not only cure the user of the ravages of age, but also toxins and disease. Why wasn’t it able to cure Daring Do when you used it?”

“Because the tablet only gives you part of the answer Pip. All it does is point you in the direction of the next clue, and hint toward the most important component needed. A component that me and Daring would never be able to find in just a few hours.....she came to terms with the situation much faster than I.” A lucid memory overtook Dig as he remembered the tears that stung his eyes while he sat in silence next to his beloved wife. It had been so unfair that a mare as extraordinary as her would leave their realm within the stifling darkness of the tombs depths, that had been so close.

She had been so understanding at that moment, even as Dig wept and raged, the pegasus just held him close to her and told him that everything would be fine. They had planned to use the relic to make them immortal so they could live long enough to find every lost treasure, brave every forgotten crypt, and now only one of them would probably see the light of day again. Daring had given Dig permission to finish this adventure even if she wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the reward alongside him, but as he watched her slowly breathe her last breaths Dig couldn’t imagine a more horrible fate than to walk the world without her beside him. With a grief filled heart Dig Site smashed the tablet, and left the tomb as they had found it the only thing he wanted now was for his wife to leave this accursed place alongside him dead weight or not.

“You didn’t want to go on without her did you Dig?” The tall stallion nearly startled himself when his own words pierced the veil of silence that had set in after a faraway look had crossed Dig’s face.

“No...I loved her too much to ever want to step into another temple, burial site, or exotic land. Instead I looked to our journals, and decided that if she couldn’t live forever with me, then she could maybe live forever in our adventures.” Now Dig’s gaze was focused back on Pip, though his expression was unreadable to the pinto. “So then Pip, what is your reason for trying to track down this treasure?”

Finally a question that Pip could actually answer, despite the many revelations that had brought to Pip’s attention, the image of a smiling alicorn gave the pinto all the conviction that he needed. With a dry chuckle Pip looked Dig right in the eye, and a sad smile crossed his young face. “I guess you and I aren’t so different Dig, everything that I’ve done, each step I take toward finding this artifact is for the mare that I love.”

Dig’s expression softened as he stared back at the smirking stallion, for some reason the old adventurer could sense something familiar within the way his guest held his gaze. “Is that so?”

“Yea....the eternal princess of the night herself.” Seeing the vexed look that appeared on Dig’s face caused Pip to laugh even more so. “It’s hard for me to believe too, I’m a down right bastard, a grave robber, and sometimes I cheat at poker, but she sees something in me and I can’t help but love her for that. So then will you help a good for nothing stallion do the one thing that could make his mare eternally happy, and tell me what that component is?”

Casting another glance to the portrait Dig silently wondered what Daring would think of this. The smile on the black and white pegasus’s face was all the old stallion needed before he turned toward the lovestruck stallion across the room. “Fine...what you need is a dragon of a unique nature.”

“Unique how?”

“You need a dragon that rebels against the tendencies of it’s own race.”

As Pip stood there motionless, only one name came to surface within his mind’s sea of thoughts. “Spike.”

Next Chapter: Way of the Dragon

This story was co-written by GiantMako

Songs:

If you leave now by Chicago

Black Betty by Ram Jam

Way of the Dragon

Within the cozy lounge of one of Sea Saddle’s grandest nightclubs an entire packed club sat in tense anticipation as the stage was lit up for the that night’s musical guest. The stage itself was set with a myriad of musical instruments including key small piano, few tambourines and an acoustic guitar.

A lone dragon walked on stage and gave a nod to the audience and sat down before the piano with a grin on his face, a few whistles pierced the silence as the dragon winked toward the crowd and his claws descended upon the keys before him. The crowd respectably held back their sudden urge to cheer, and applause as the purple drake filled the room with the soothing sounds of an artist at work. While most dragons would probably find such a specialty baffling and lacking in true draconic charm; Spike was very much unlike other dragons. Whereas other dragons at his age would be roaming the land searching for treasure to add to their small hordes, Spike actually found wealth to just be just a simple bonus to a career that suited his taste. While other dragons would be setting obstacles in their way aflame with their dragon fire, Spike preferred to smooth talk his way around problems and let things be. Other young dragons would be challenging one another to battles for dominance, and attempting to woo dragonesses, Spike......

This musical interlude was brief and used to get the crowd riled up and ready for the show.

Scaled ears perked slightly as the sound of hooves stepping onto the stage joined the piano’s soft folk melodies, from the corner of his eye Spike caught sight of a pink and purple maned white unicorn passing him and stopping at the edge of the stage in a simple sundress.

A female voice beautiful enough to nearly outshine the piano’s tunes sang to the entirety of the large room, casting an alluring spell that probably caused a few stallions to see hearts, and mares to glare at their dates.

Spike had chosen to give his heart to a young mare, whose long sought out talent was singing and together they formed the folk duo of Purple Serendipity.

As her voice flowed into his ears, fueled his soul, and drove him to play at 110%, Spike couldn’t help but think back to how this wonderful decade together had started.

(Totally a Flashback)

Though it would be quite some time before Spike, and Sweetie Bell tie the knot, or even fall in love the two had become good friends after the events of Twilight’s brother’s wedding and would stay so for quite a while.

It had all started with a simple bumping into one another while busting a move on the dance floor, and things just kind of clicked. Neither had any qualms with cutting the rug alongside a dance partner and once the filly and baby dragon had tired themselves out they found that their friends had scattered. Applebloom was attempting to learn more about the salespony trade from her older sister, Rarity was fawning over Fancy Pants, and Scootaloo was at Rainbow Dash’s beck and call hoping to catch her attention.

With no one else to hang out with Spike offered to stay by the lonesome filly and they started to talk. Spike learned that Sweetie Bell shared his interest in music, Sweetie learned that Spike might be one of the few creatures that actually enjoyed her cooking (as hardened burnt food had the same texture as the coal from which gems are born from) and both decided that for now on they should be good friends.

Though Spike never intruded on any official Cutie Mark Crusader business, it wasn’t unheard of to see the purple drake lending the fillies a hand with their hi-jinks or to see the young unicorn frequent the library from time to time. It was actually during one of Sweetie Bell’s visits to the library that the two became truly bound together.

It had been a slow day at the boutique, so with nothing better to do with herself Sweetie Bell made her way to the large tree that her scaled friend resided in with his adoptive older sibling Twilight Sparkle. Since the tree home was still considered a library, it wasn’t rare for ponies searching for literature to just walk right into the abode and wait by the desk, being the friend of the librarian’s assistant meant Sweetie had full privilege to prance right in.

“Hello?....Anypony home?” Strange enough the young unicorn’s entrance and call had gone unanswered leaving a rather confused filly standing alone in the middle of the waiting room.

It was unusual to not see Spike sitting behind the checkout counter or with a book cart. ‘Come to think about it, he was more the town’s librarian than his caretaker.’ Sweetie shrugged. It would seem that Twilight was out, and had taken Spike with her. With sigh the young filly was ready to head back out the door when she noticed a muffled sound entering her ears. If not for the silence that dominated the empty library Sweetie Bell might not heard the noise that as she concentrated sounded like some sort of instrument.

With her curiosity piqued the filly walked past the desk, and made her way past the kitchen the deeper she moved into the living section of the tree the easier to pick up the noise became. Sweetie Bell’s wandering came to end once her path was blocked by an oak door, the sound now identifiable as the melodies from some sort of piano seemed to have originated from behind it.

With as much stealth as the little filly could muster, Sweetie Bell gently opened the door, and was greeted by a descending staircase the led to the library's basement. The now clearly identifiable piano keys being played sounded off even louder, and Sweetie Bell couldn’t help but slowly take step after step downward until she reached the bottom. All around the surprisingly well kept basement laid stacks of old books, boxes filled items that Twilight must have found useful to some degree, and a familiar looking dragon hunched over a keyboard as he sat upon a stack of old encyclopedias.

So caught up in playing the keyboard before him, the baby dragon was completely oblivious to the purple and pink maned filly now standing next him as she tried to figure out why the tune seemed so familiar. As Sweetie Bell gazed at the drake continuing to play, she began to hum along with the song slowly revealing itself in her head. An image of a linen white album cover materialized within her mind and suddenly she knew the song’s name.

♪♫ “...All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise...” ♪♫

Within the hazy bliss Spike had lost himself as he played the keyboard, a oddly familiar voice suddenly began to accompany his little solo.

♪♫ “Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly. Into the light of the dark black night.” ♪♫

Tearing his daydreaming gaze away from the instrument as he continued to play, Spike took in the sight of a certain unicorn sitting next to him as she sang away completely synched with him. A stray thought entered the dragons mind, and for a moment Spike considered stopping so that he could ask Sweetie Bell what she was doing down in his basement. The thought was quickly dismissed as Spike watched a smile grow on the filly’s face and his heart skipped a beat for the slightest of moments.

♪♫ “Take these broken wings and learn to fly all your life” ♪♫

For a few more minutes Spike continued to play as Sweetie Bell sang the lyrics the two in perfect harmony. As the light purple maned filly spoke the last verse Spike finished the song with a flourish, and rose to finally question his guest on her unexpected visit, or at least that was the plan.

“Can we play a little longer?”

Many songs later

Now that both parties were thoroughly satisfied Spike turned toward Sweetie Bell as he rose from his seat, a question had been nagging him for a little bit now and this was the perfect time to ask it. “You know Sweetie Bell you never told me that you took singing lessons, who’d you learn from?”

Caught off guard by the sudden question, the young filly shrugged and drew invisible circles on the basement floor. “No pony ever taught me really....I just kinda like to sing from time to time.”

Spike’s eyes widened at his friend’s statement, sure he was decent with a piano but that was because Celestia had him practice a lot back when he still resided in the castle. To think that Sweetie was this good and that she was self-taught was incredible. “Lessons or not you really do have a great voice, you ever think of trying that as a talent, or something?”

Spike’s compliment caused the filly to blush, and she suddenly found the surrounding books quite interesting as she replied. “W-well not really...I’ve always just considered it as a kind of hobby of mine.”

“You should try showing off that voice to some of the others Sweetie Bell, I’m sure a lot of ponies would really enjoy hearing you sing.”

In a fashion that reminded the drake of a certain yellow pegasus he knew, the filly before him seemed to be attempting to hide behind her mane as she looked in every direction but his. “I don’t think I’d do that great Spike, singing with you or the Crusaders is one thing, but in front of a crowd...”

“Hey, I played in front of a disgruntled mob of pony settlers, and buffalos, AND that was with Pinkie Pie as the singer. Green eyes narrowed, and taking a suspicious glance to his left and right Spike quickly moved next to a surprised Sweetie Bell and put his arm around her shoulders. “And between you and me, Pinkie can’t carry a tune to save her love of parties.”

Sweetie Bell giggled at the mental image, though her face heated up from the sudden close contact something that luckily ended as quickly as it started when a second later Spike strode back to his original position. “Well maybe I’ll give it a try...but I don’t think I can handle a crowd without Applebloom and Scootaloo to back me up.”

“Well that’s no problem, I’ll help you out.” Spike grinned ear to ear as he began tidying up the area he had using to play the keyboard.

“Y-you will? But how are you going to do that?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’ll play my keyboard that way you have someone to make you look good.” Spike turned back towards the filly, and extended his right hand, the grin on his face still present. “So what do ya say, deal?”

Confidence boosted thanks to the dragon’s words Sweetie Bell allowed a similar grin to show on her face as she extended her own hoof, and shook Spike’s hand. “Alright, deal!”

Within a few days the duo performed for the first time in front of a incredibly impressed crowd, and as the icing on the cake Sweetie Bell earned her cutie mark. Right on stage as her lungs filled with air from her last intake a sudden ice cold feeling on her flank caused the filly to go lightheaded and nearly lose her footing. The crowd gasped alongside Sweetie Bell as she turned to view the three bright gold treble clefs that sat over a deep red heart all tattooed onto her flank similar to her sister and her friends. Words could not express the amounts of joy that filled the young unicorn as she glowed with pride at having found her talent, a few feet away a certain dragon smiled happily at seeing his friend so happy.

“Congratulations Sweetie Bell! See I told you, y--” The rest of Spike’s sentence went unfinished as the enthralled filly screamed with glee and in a moment of excitement latched onto the talking drake so she could silence him with an appreciating kiss.

The awkward moment that followed after would set the groundwork for something much bigger, as that one little kiss sparked something deep between them. In the following years Spike and Sweetie Bell continued to play together professionally eventually forming a band called Purple Serendipity, and happily enough even getting married. The decade that followed was possibly the happiest of the duo’s lives so far, never tiring of one another’s company, and the love between them growing stronger and stronger.

Spike’s moment of retrospection ended as Sweetie Belle sung their closing ballad.

♪♫ “...Goodnight my dear. Sleep tight I'll see you, in my dreams. Please don't cry. The time will fly. It's hard to believe, that it's time to go. I know but baby, I'll be right back here in a week!”♪♫

The club erupted into heavy cheering, as the duo on stage took a brief bow.

“You’ve all been an amazing crowd! Thank you so much Sea Saddle!!!”

Spike and Sweetie Bell shared a love filled look with each other and exited the stage just as the club owner took center stage to announce that they would be signing autographs and that t-shirts and copies of their latest album were available.

With their gig at the Four Winds Music Hall ending with a hearty round of applause, the couple went out for the night before returning to their room at the Varvaner Hotel, happy that their tour had come to a successful end and they could finally relax.

“You know what the best thing about doing a gig in this city is Spike?” As the purple dragon opened the door to their suite, and his wife danced past him, Spike couldn’t resist the toothy grin that spread on his face.

“Getting paid to do something we love? Seeing the hundreds of adoring fans that enjoy our music?” The unicorn’s giggle in reply filled the luxurious room with its enchanting tone, causing Spike’s eyelids to droop lazily.

“No silly!” With a delighted cry akin to a filly finally getting her cutie mark, Sweetie Bell flung herself onto the plush king sized bed that sat in the middle of the room. “It’s getting to fall asleep in the comfiest beds in all of Equestria!”

Spike rolled his emerald eyes sarcastically as he shut the door behind him, and made his way toward his smiling wife, and admittedly a very alluring bed in more ways than one, but the show had taken too much out of them for any other activities. “Of course, what was I thinking?”

Spike had everything that a guy could want, he had a career he loved, produced music that ponies actually enjoyed, and beautiful mare that adored him as much as he adored her. Yet every night as the dragon laid in bed with his precious special somepony cuddling him in her sleep, a dark fear would gnaw at the edge of his thoughts. Spike was a dragon and no matter how much he loved Sweetie Bell, no matter how many unhealthy habits he could force himself to pick up...he would live long past the dreadful day when the ravages of time took a hold of his loved ones.

One day every non-alicorn pony that Spike knew would pass away; all he would have is his memories of the friends he made, the family that loved him, and the unicorn that his heart belonged too.

“For Celestia’s sake I must be the only dragon struck with self-loathing, this is depressing.” Making sure to be as gentle as he possibly could, Spike moved himself from under his still snoozing wife, and quietly left the bed. His scaled feet making a near inaudible clacking as he left the bedroom and prowled into the kitchen, Spike decided that now was a great time for a nightcap. Digging through the generously stocked cupboards, and a looking through the refrigerator Spike considered himself lucky to have stumbled upon a bottle of coffee flavored rum: Latte’s After Hours Blend, to be exact.

As he crafted himself a drink strong enough, yet pleasing enough in flavor to suit his taste Spike couldn’t help but dwell on the dark thoughts that caused him to rise from his rest. Now in her early thirties Sweetie Bell was at her prime, but unlike Spike who would continue to look the way he did for perhaps another 50 years she would eventually begin to age. The thought of his beloved graying with age while he continued to keep his dragon gifted youth tugged at Spike’s heartstring, in an attempt to ease his woe the dragon gulped down the glass of alcohol he had set before him.

Spike had brought up his worries to his wife before, and she had tried her best to comfort him in his times of grief. “We’ll just have to make the time we have together more special.” It was times like these that Sweetie Bell’s wisdom far exceeded Spike’s, the young unicorn was aware that her mortality was miniscule in comparison to her husband's, but instead of expressing any sorrow she told him to enjoy their time together that much more. As the alcohol’s taste bit into Spike’s tongue the dragon continued to dwell on how his loves sagely words did little to ease his aching heart.

After a second drink Spike decided to give sleep another try, and placed the porcelain cup down on the counter. Making his way toward the still welcoming bed, Spike gently got back into bed and snuggled against his wife. Even in her unconscious state Sweetie Bell smiled happily once her husband’s scales began to touch her fur and buried herself within Spike’s arms. Within a few minutes the combination of the bed’s softness, his own exhaustion and the mare’s gentle breathing lulled Spike to sleep.

A dark grey sky loomed overhead, the smell dirt and dead leaves filled his nostrils, and a bitter wind cold enough to even cause Spike to shiver blew threw the area. The last place Spike the dragon would ever want to be, and sadly enough perhaps the place he visited the most these days. An old cemetery was no place for a still young and healthy dragon to spend his days, but there wasn’t much else in the world as far as he was concerned. He lumbered towards an ancient sycamore tree.

“Here lies Sweetie Bell, gone but never forgotten. Cherished friend, adored sibling, and of course beloved wife.”

Just as all things in his life had before, the mare Spike cared about more than anything else had eventually stepped into the next stage, and the immortal dragon was left behind. Now Spike was all alone, a solitary figure left to wallow in his sadness..or so he thought.

The sound of dead leaves being crunched underneath something pierced the dead silence dominated the cemetery. An icy chill crept down Spike’s spine as he felt like something was watching him, tearing his eyes away from the tombstone before him, Spike could just barely make out a silhouette disappearing into the pine trees that loomed behind him.

“H-Hey!” Spike had spent hours, days, even years visiting this place and as far as he could remember he was the only one that came here. The idea that another breathing entity could be nearby was baffling, out of place, stupefying and before the dragon knew it Spike was scampering after it.

With a few bounds Spike was surrounded by the great looming pines, his scaled feet crunching on multiple pinecones as he sped after the distant shape that managed to stay on the edge of his vision. As he continued to give chase Spike noticed that the trees around him seemed to contort disturbingly, and the sky above had changed from a depressing grey to an intimidating black.

“What the hell is going on?!” Spike inwardly cursed as a low hanging pine branch seemed to twitch and make an attempt at clotheslining the speeding dragon, with barely a second to react he ducked low avoiding one danger only to leave himself open to another. The exposed roots of one of the menacing trees writhed like a menacing snake, and the distracted dragon couldn’t help but trip over it in his haste.

The unexpected shift to his momentum caused Spike to tumble over himself and roll across the forest floor like a ball of spines and limbs. His body bounced off the ground a few times before Spike finally came to a painful halt as he fell flat on his scaled face. Biting back a string of curses that he had welling up inside him, Spike instead attempted to shake his head and blink away the dots in his eyes.

As he picked himself up Spike noticed that instead of a forest floor his form had somehow ended up on a cold crack stones, and patches of dirt. “Where am....” Spike’s question went unfinished as his emerald eyes glanced around the sight before him. Tall crooked pillars of marble reached into the sky, disfigured statues made of obsidian glared at the stunned dragon, and a menacing structure loomed ahead unmistakable words imprinted on it’s walls: Tomb Of The Elements.

An overwhelming sense of dread fell over Spike as he read the same four words again, and again. The building seemed to stare him into the ground as the vines, and various overgrowth that had claimed the structure since it’s construction seemed to writhe and contort angrily like a nest full of vipers. This was the one place Spike had refused to visit in all his years, the place he pushed to the back of his mind as far as he could, the last place he wanted to be. This was the resting place of his dearest friends, and the unicorn that had raised him since the day he was born.

“What kind of cruel sick joke is this?” With his spines drooping slightly Spike suddenly felt limbs were made of lead, and he felt nearly unable to move. Trying with all his might Spike begged his muscles to respond as he sat rooted in place; his mind began to wander toward the subject revolving exactly what was waiting for him inside the building. “.......Why’d you have to leave me behind you guys?” His sadness coming to a peak, the purple drake could do little to stop the tears that burned his eyes. “Why did I have to be a damned dragon and get to live while Twilight...and Sweetie Bell had to...”

“…Because that is our gift and our curse young fire conjurer.”

The nightmarish world that swirled around Spike suddenly froze in place as a familiar dialect answered the dragon’s words. His body finally listening to his orders Spike spun around to see that same figure he had been chasing walk from behind the intimidating pine trees, and reveal itself to be none other than the goddess of the moon herself.

“L-Luna?!”

With a few graceful steps the alicorn in question was next to the surprised dragon a sad smile on her face as she helped Spike to his feet. “Indeed young fire wyvern it is I, my dream walking had unexpectedly voyaged me to the realm within your subconscious.”

A confused look crossed Spike’s face as he took in Luna’s words, sure her old school way of speaking often enough threw the drake for loop but this time she was making next to no sense at all. “Dream walking? Realm within my subconscious? No offense your highness, but you kind of lost me here.”

In reply to Spike’s questions the princess of the night merely rolled her eyes before turning toward the building that had earlier frozen Spike in place. “Everything that stands before thou and myself is merely a product of the fears that grip thy heart.”

“You mean…”

“You are dreaming young Spike and from the sights before me, you are having quite the nightmare.”

“It feels so real.” The drake said as he poked the air above him causing it to ripple slightly.

“I just can’t take it anymore Princess, I know I have to put on a brave face for Sweetie...but sometimes it just gets so hard. I mean how many years till I’m all alone? Forty? Eighty?! Then all I’ll have left is myself and a bunch of aging memories.” Spike slumped down to the cold, hard floor with his head in buried in his scaled arms. “It’s starting to make sense why dragons have such a cold and bitter attitude toward other creatures.”

As Luna watched the dreaming dragon continue to berate his longevity and species a pang of sadness swept through her. The only thing she could do was place a hoof on his shoulder and wait for his anguish to subside, as Spike’s depressed murmurs waned slightly the alicorn decided to share her two-bits. “Believe my words when I tell thee that I too know that feeling. Perhaps even more so as my sister and I are only two immortal ponies that tread this world. At least you may take some comfort knowing that you are one of a still thriving species. As much as you may believe that you are alone in the world young Spike, you still have me and Celestia.”

Spike’s ears twitched as he detected the shaky tone that began to creep into Luna’s soothing voice. Raising his head from the shelter of his limbs, the young drake looked up to share a glance with the mistress of the night. Her deep blue eyes seemed to emit their own feelings of uncertainty, and he couldn’t help but feel that maybe the second princess of Equestria herself needed a little reassurance. Doubting that he could come up with inspiring words like Luna, Spike went with the best that he could. Spike’s left hand rose to softly pat the hoof that had just moments ago been trying to calm him down, at least the action kept the alicorn’s eyes from trembling.

Silently thanking her companion’s act of compassion Luna steeled her mind and continued to speak. “I know how you feel about your wife. You wish you could spend either your life or her life with her. To either live for eternity with that special pony that has committed the act of grand larceny of your heart or grow old with that same pony. You never want to see the one you love whether away as you continue to live forever without them.” Luna gulped as she tried to maintain her professional facade, and act that didn’t go unnoticed by Spike as his sense of humor began to rear it’s head.

“So, who is the lucky colt?” The purple dragon asked as he gave a gentle smile to his subconscious guest.

“Pardon?”

“Your mortal pony, that’s causing you grief.”

“His name is Pipsqueak, though his name is actually quite misleading.” At that Luna let out a dreamy sigh as she imagined the tall, muscular stallion that adored her so. “He’s a bit of an adventurer, though some may think of him as more of an eccentric.” Remembering the story that the pinto had actually shared with her, Luna’s eyes widened suddenly. “By the nights embrace, I nearly forgot that he told me of a way that might rectify both our dilemmas. Th--”

Spike didn’t even let the princess finish her statement. “I’ll be on the first train to Canterlot in the morning!”

A grin surfaced on Luna’s face as she fixed the dragon with an amused look. “Well then perhaps you should get started on waking up then?”

“How am I supposed to do that?!”

“Like this.”

“Wha?”

“Spike! Honey it’s time to wake up.” Spike’s eyes widened to the size of plates as his beloved wife’s voice escaped from the dark furred alicorn’s mouth.

“How’d you do that Luna?!”

“Luna?”

And just like that Spike’s emerald green eyes suddenly opened, and his vision took in the sight of a lit suite, and a confused looking unicorn.

“By Luna you better have meant to say, ‘good morning my lovely and irreplaceable wife’ or someone’s sleeping on the couch for a bit mister.” The leer that the purple and pink maned mare gave her spouse could have stopped the master of chaos himself in his tracks, so, it’s understandable that Spike tumbled out of bed while blabbering as many ‘I’m sorries,' and 'let me explains’ as he could.

After watching her husband collide with the mahogany floor in a tangle of blankets and pillows, Sweetie Bell dropped her agitated scowl and started to giggle.

His ears picking up the sound of his wife’s enchanting laughter set Spike’s world at ease even as he looked up at her from the floor, and felt the growing sensation of looking ridiculous in the back of his head.

“Apology accepted Spikey....well only if you do that thing...” She smiled deviously at her drake.

Spike knew that it meant a day of sore wrists, crackled knuckles and lotiony palms. As a dexterous creature like so many griffins and minotaurs, he had the gift of hands which to a pony were extremely valuable.

Spike’s response came in the form of a diminutive “yes, dear...” Luna’s message was still fresh in his ears and Spike figured that time was of the essence. For everything to go smoothly the drake would have to handle this situation carefully and really keep it close to the vest.

“I NEED TO GO TO CANTERLOT NOW!!!”

“...Why?”

Spike began to scramble from his place on the floor, and start to gather a few things he needed. “DON’T HAVE TIME DEAR, I’LL TELL YOU LATER!”

Feeling a little confused by her husband’s odd behavior, Sweetie Bell calmly tried to slow the fire-breather down. “Uhhhh Spikey.”

“WHERE’S MY TOOTHBRUSH?!”

“Honey, just slow down for a moment please.”

“NO TIME!! CANTERLOT HERE I CO...*Oof*!” And just like that a magical wall clotheslined the frantic dragon, and as he attempted to catch his breath Sweetie Bell stood over him with a slightly irritated look on her face. Calm would have to take a timeout for this one, now assertive would be taking the wheel.

“Well now we’re going to make time, aren’t we?”

“....yes Sweetie.” Now that he was once again laying on the floor feeling silly, Spike remembered that his wife didn’t like being left out of any loops. At this point the stunned dragon was currently pondering the odds of his wife letting him chase after a rather lucid dream.

“Now can you please let me know what the hay you’re freaking out about honey?”

“I had a dream Sweetie Bell.”

“Uhh huhhh, please go on.”

“Well in it I ran into Princess Luna, and she told me about this thing that could help me out with a problem of mine...so I kind of have to run to Canterlot and fetch it.” Hoping that he had supplied a worthy explanation Spike attempted to pick himself from the floor only to feel a slight pressure holding him in still.

“Well I certainly hope that you don’t plan on going that way without me.” Noticing the sheepish look on her husband’s face, Sweetie Bell rolled her eyes before gesturing to the gold ring wrapped around her horn. “Spike I love you, but you must be out of your mind if you think that your wife is going to sit here quietly while you run off to Canterlot.”

“....But I..”

“End of discussion mister!”

“..ok.”

And just like that Spike and Sweetie Bell gathered their things, devoured a well-balanced breakfast (albeit at a speedy pace), and were on the first train headed toward the capital of Equestria.

A few hours later

“Ahhh Canterlot castle...brings back some really good memories.”

“Oh really? Like that time my big sis and her friends crashed the gala, or the time the whole city was invaded by changelings? Or, how about th--”

“How about our first dance?”

Blushing at Spike’s meaningful interruption, Sweetie Bell continued up the marble stairs toward the castle’s main doors until the couple’s path was blocked by two burly looking stallions dressed in royal armor.

“Halt! Only those with official business with the royal sovereign may pass.” The first guard narrowed his eyes at the pair, his tone completely serious despite the somewhat lax demeanor that his fellow possessed.

“Easy there bro, don’t you know who these two are?” The second guard pony rubbed his eyes frantically as he took in the sight of a duo that managed to sell him every single song that they come up with. “It’s the Sweetie Bell and Spike! These two are like superstars!”

“Ah c'mon man I doubt we’re superstars, just a married couple that like to make music together.” Humble as ever Spike rubbed the back of his head as the second guard’s complementing made him uneasy.

“Nonsense mister Spike, I watched you two play in Trottingham a few years back. It was the first time since I joined the royal guard that I allowed myself to cry.” Looking over himself the white pegasus pulled out a copy of their first album out of seemingly nowhere and pointed it toward Sweetie Bell. “Is there any chance I can get an autograph?”

Before the couple managed to work up a reply, another voice worked its way into the conversation. “Alas my stalwart knights, my guest here have prior business that must be dealt with great haste.” Looking as if she had stepped out of Spike’s dream, and into reality Princess Luna loomed over the guard ponies and smiled softly to the dragon.

“Hey there Luna, how are things going? Now then where is this close friend I’m supposed to be meeting?” Sweetie Bell gasped in surprise at her husband’s lack of respect as did the two guards, though even more surprising was the amused expression on the alicorn’s face.

“Last time I saw my beloved he was scouring the ancient archives for further clues, just take a left at the second corridor, and a right at the third door.” Quick as lightning the dragon had bolted past the princess, and was quickly making his way down the stone hallways though a second later he dashed back and pecked his surprised wife on the cheek before leaving again.. Casting her gaze from the departing drake and towards the wide-eyed unicorn beside her Luna couldn’t help but snicker out loud.

After a moment of stunned silence the pink, and purple maned unicorn finally found her voice. “Uhhh, your majesty...where’s my husband going?”

The snicker grew into a small bout of laughter, and Luna gestured down the hallway for her guest to follow. “Let’s just say our close ones have a goal in common young Sweetie Bell, allow me to escort you to the lounge and in the meantime I’ll shall attempt to clear things up.” Without another word the princess began to slowly walk down the corridor, and after a taking a second to process everything that had happened so far Sweetie Bell was galloping after her princess. Now that their princess was leaving, and there was nothing left for them to do the two guards resumed their royal jobs, thought the second had to be consoled a bit for missing a chance at getting his sought after autograph.

Within the Canterlot Castle’s archives

Pipsqueak grunted in frustration as the book in front of him held nothing of value so he tossed it over his head without a second thought. “Nuthin’ but rubbish.”

“Ow! Hey man mind looking out before you brain someone with this thing?”

Nearly jumping at the sudden voice behind him Pipsqueak whirled around to come face to face with a green spined, purple dragon. “Bloody ‘ell!”

Still rubbing his smarting skull from the book-shaped projectile Spike offered a friendly smile to the surprised pinto. “Sorry for that, I figured Luna had told you that I’d be stopping by.”

Catching his breath, and offering a smirk of his own the stallion held up a hoof toward Spike. Even in his line of work Pip hadn’t seen very many dragons, and he had no problem remembering Ponyville’s one resident purple dragon. “No worries Spike, name’s Pipsqueak, now what can I do for you?”

Spike grasped the hoof with his left hand and gave it a good firm shake, while his emerald eyes glinted merrily. “Well word on the grapevine is you and I share a similar problem, and I’m here hoping that we can help each other out.”

Author's Note

Music used:
Black Bird by The Beatles
The Goodbye Song by Pomplamoose

A/N: Special thanks to my excellent co-writer Giant Mako.

Sorry for the wait, but if you’ve been following my work, then you know I’m not too good with keeping up with deadlines.

To make amends for the wait, here are a couple of sketches I did, that might make up for it.

Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the princess?

A/N: Sorry about the delay.Thanks for reading.

Chapter 3

“You were saying something earlier about rubbish?” Spike said with unease in his voice thinking that this “Pip” character hasn’t found the answer he sought.

“Yeah...this damn crossword puzzle, I’ve been working on for the past three hours. Five-down: another word for garbage.” Pip said sarcastically.

Spike picked up the book that had pelted him and out of compulsion placed it on the shelve.

“The truth is I’m looking for a way to last as long as Luna and I ain’t talkin’ about squeaky bed springs.” Spike rolled his eyes at the comment.

“Tough crowd. Anyway it all started...” Pip began to weave a story about how his own insecurities and research lead him to Old Canterlot Castle and through a series of narrow escapes and a long conversation with dig site that point him in the right direction. “...that’s what leads me to you, Spike.”

“Why me?”

“I need a unique dragon and by unique I need a dragon that rebels against its own kind.”

“I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m rebelling in any way Pip, sure most dragons would have gone with hard rock or perhaps power metal for musical careers but I-.” Spike’s reply was cut short by a chuckle from the pinto as he shook his head from side to side.

“Not like that Spike, I mean you’re the only drake around that instead of hoarding piles of treasure in your cave or in your case luxury suite, you give back to the world whenever you can and just enjoy working with your partner “

“Wife.”

“What?”

“Sweetie Bell’s my wife, we kind of got hitched a good while ago.”

A questioning look spread across Pip’s face as he mulled over the piece of information given to him. The colt’s sudden silence added with the thousand yard stare that transfixed his face had done an effective job of weirding out the room’s sole dragon occupant. “..Uh you alright there Pip? Luna sent me down here because she thought you might be able to help me out with something.”

“..You know exactly how it feels.”

“What?” If he hadn’t looked it before Spike was definitely now the defining image of confusion as Pip’s eyes took on an understanding shine, and he began searching the room for something.

“You know how painful it can be to see your own lifespan, and then compare it to the one you love doncha Spike?”

The confusion on Spike’s face melted away as the pieces finally fell into place, and he took in the sight of Pipsqueak going through the items within the room Spike couldn’t help but think of the stallion as the other side of the ill-fated coin that had been given to him. Luna would be unaffected by time as Pip would gradually begin to be broken down by time’s power, and the pinto was going to do everything he could to stop it. Just like how Spike would be willing to do whatever he could in his own power to let time chisel him away alongside his beloved Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah....I do know a little something about that.” Spike’s mind was only allowed to dwell on the subject for a few more seconds before a frustrated growl accompanied the sound of Pip’s continued search. “.Uh, something wrong there Pip?”

“Nothing to be concerned with really, I’m just having a hard time finding something.” A minute passed quietly before Pip muttered a curse, and almost looked like he was about to start toppling things over.

“You do know that they rearranged the archives right?”

“......They did?”

Grinning to himself Spike crossed his arms and looked around the large room, his emerald eyes glinting as he recalled the times spent here, and the letters sent to him notifying him of recent changes. “They had to reorganize when Twilight proved the theory of friendship being greater than or equal to magic, though there’s still a few counter theories they keep around for reference’s sake.”

Halting his hunt for what he had been looking for Pip turned around to look at the musing dragon. “So where would I be able to find some of the older shelves?” Dig Site, and the tablet’s clues had pointed Pip to the Canterlot archives, but lacking any other hints the pinto was near ready to just ransack the place.

Tapping a talon to his scaled chin Spike ‘hmmed’ to himself before he sharply turned to a few shelves behind him. “Well a good while back Twilight kind of went time travel crazy, and we ended up breaking into here so she could find a spell. The endeavor ended with us making a crazy mess, and the more ancient books and scrolls had to be moved to the left side alongside the Star Swirl’s biography section.”

Clicking his tongue in confirmation Pip trotted past the dragon, and began looking over a few of the large stone shelves. After a few minutes of searching the stallion came upon a large book labeled ‘Continuing The Plot, A Theory On Coincidences.’ Just as Pip began to move the book aside a hollow sound escaped the work of literature as his hoof tapped against it.

“And Bingo was his name-o.” Chuckling to himself Pip yanked the book completely off the shelf, and opened it to reveal that the middle of the pages had been gutted to hide a folded small envelope.

“That looks interesting, though I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell Twilight that some defenseless book had a knife taken to it.”

“Geez Spike, mind not sneaking up on a guy like that?” Pip had to fight the urge to jump in surprise from the dragon’s voice being so close to his ear. Reflexes honed from years of his line of work tended to leave the pinto edgy at times, and the Spike’s apparent silent approach nearly triggered a hasty attempt to defend himself from an attacking assailant.

“Heheh...Sorry about that Pip, always been kind of light on my feet there. So what’s with the envelope there?” Taking an apologetic step back Spike couldn’t help the curious tone in his voice as his eyes took in the hidden envelopes image.

“Well if my hunch is correct this envelope....” Pip paused a feeling of being watched swept over him, and in the blink of an eye the stallion spun around to catch sight of...nothing!

“Pip?”

Though his vision spotted nothing besides bookcases, literature, and more bookcases the pinto couldn’t help but feel ill at ease as the dragon continued to catch his regain his attention.

“Hello! Equestria to Pipsqueak!” Spike waved a hand in front of the colt’s face, he had seen many an odd thing during his life, but Pip seemed oddly tense for a pony looking through an old royal library.

“Sorry Spike...just thought I heard something, must’ve been just my imagination.” Turning back around to face the purple dragon Pip had to take a moment to remember what he had been saying. “This envelope might hold the secrets to what you and I seek actually.”

“Really? Well that’s..” This time Spike heard an odd noise as well, his draconic ears along with Pip’s own trained ones picked up the distinct sound of hooves carefully treading the marble floors.

Though Spike still stood in place as he attempted to deduce the reasons for a third party in this location, Pip pivoted on his back hooves and charged around the bookshelf that stood to their right. “I gotcha you sneaky sonova-”

“Wait Pip, that’s a-” The resounding crash drowned out both voices as the strong stallion collided with another colt. Thinking the worse Spike quickly followed after the pinto and came upon the sight of Pip drawing back his left hoof in preparation to strike down a dazed looking pegasus. A pegasus with white fur, and covered in standard royal guard armor.

Pipsqueak was completely oblivious to the colt’s attire as all his mind was focused on was that sneaky weasel below him listening in on a private conversation. As his hoof began to rain down toward the pegasus below like a comet, a scaled hand grasped his arm and brought the hoof to a halt mere inches from the guard’s face.

“Pip! You almost punched out a royal guard man!”

With Spike’s voice in his ears, and his clouded judgment becoming less so Pip finally took in the entire sight of the cowering stallion below. Luna might have been loved the Pip as much as he did her, but striking a royal guard wasn’t something that would go down without some sort of ramification. Taking a deep breath of air Pip allowed Spike to pull him back a step, and muttered an apology as the nearly clobbered pegasus picked himself off the ground.

“.......” No longer caught off guard, and now at full height the guard glared angrily at Pip who had turned around to reclaim the envelope he had dropped during his attack. Mind switching to damage control to keep things from getting any more out of hand, Spike walked up to the agitated pegasus and rubbed the back of his head.

“Uhhh sorry about that mister, my friend here is a bit on the paranoid side and I think he thought you were some kind of spy or at least a threat.”

“I’m only a threat to those who would attempt to bring harm to the royal princesses or any of their subjects.” The pegasus’s voice was oddly raspy for one that looked so young, and before Spike could comment on the matter the guard coughed a few times before glaring again in the direction Pip had gone. “Figures that the one time I get stuck with patrolling the royal archives, I end up with a sore throat, and roughed up by some lost citizen.”

“Once again I’m sorry about that, and I’m sure he is too, but that guy happens to be on really friendly terms with princess Luna so maybe we can just forget about this little ordeal and continue with our day?” The guard seemed to ponder Spike’s request for a few seconds before he dusted himself off and turned to walk away.

“Alright, I guess it’s more trouble than it’s worth to go gathering up the guard and tossing you two in the royal dungeon till the my lady says otherwise. I’ll let this slide, but don’t go touching anything you shouldn’t be, and next time this happens I won’t be so lenient.”

Once the pegasus was far enough away Spike sighed in relief from the close call he had just gone through. Sure Pip might have been Luna’s coltfriend, and he himself could be seen as a close friend to the whole royal family but one doesn’t just go around smacking guards without expecting some consequences.

“Where’d the guard go?” After retrieving the envelope and placing the book back where he found it Pip came back expecting to have to deal with a guard and his bruised ego.

Fixing a less than pleased scowl toward the pinto Spike tapped his left foot on the ground as Pip stopped a few steps away from him. “I took care of it, though I recommend that next time you look before you leap Pip. Seriously that could’ve landed us in some serious trouble.”

“Ehh you worry too much, that colt shouldn’t have been sneaking around like that to begin with.”

“Perhaps I do, but then again I don’t want an entire platoon of pissed off guards dog-piling me just because you find a guard being quite on patrol suspicious.” Both Spike, and Pip rolled their eyes at one another before Pip began attempting to open the envelope.

Seeing the pinto about to the tear the thing open with his teeth, Spike snatched the envelope in his claws which caused Pip to emit a “Hey!” in response. “Won’t be very useful if you tear the thing in half, or end up swallowing it Pip.” Raising his index talon on his scaly right hand Spike sliced the top part with the precision of an expert surgeon, and handed the now open envelope back to Pip.

“....not bad Spike.” Now in his hooves Pip dumped out the envelopes contents which happened to be a old looking folded up paper.

The dragon gently picked up the notes, which he noted were written on old journal paper what with time had turned a sickly yellow with the writings done in faded pencil. Staring he at the paper he came to one conclusion. “I can barely read this.”

“Let me see it.” Spike handed the notes to Pip whom observed the characters on each sheet of paper and because his work often lead him to deciphering broken text and dead languages he was able to get what his draconic compatriot failed to see. “It’s written in Old Pony Script.”

“and?”

“Let’s see... from the spectral gaze from which the sun and moon pass...through the burning sands of time...is where the first marker lays. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You don’t get it?”

“Get what?” The pinto tilted his head.

“It’s obvious, well you see in music things can’t be taken literally, but rather metaphorically. Hmmm...” The drake thought for a few seconds. “That’s it, The sun and moon can’t pass through anything, but their light can and sand of time doesn’t mean actual sands of time but rather glass which is made from burning sand!” Spike’s moment of excite seemed to halt suddenly as a confused expression crossed his face, and he scratched his head. “...But that’s a bit odd for regular glass to be part of this.”

“Hmmm, what if it’s not ordinary glass that we’re talking about.”

The dragon stopped his head scratching, to fix a curious look onto the stallion. “You mean like the stained glass within the throne room?”

“Exactly! Why mention the moon and the sun unless it was some sort of reference to Luna, and her sister...”

“And when you think about it, the word ‘spectral’ means color!” Spike’s excitement was back full-throttle as he and Pip seemed to come upon the riddles answer at the same time.

“The limerick is talking about the stained glass windows!” Both voices rang loudly within the library followed by the sound of Spike’s scaled fist impacting with Pip’s hoof. “Buck yea!”

Both males exchanged victorious grins for a moment, before a look of realization spread across the pinto’s face and he muttered a short swear. “Crap.”

“Huh?”

“Looks like we have to go into Old Canterlot Castle to find those windows.”

“Not necessarily, you see that this castle’s construction uses many recycled materials from the ancient castle.”

“So...”

“...whatever windows of value that the old castle had are somewhere in this castle. The issue? finding the right one if not right ones, because the poem didn’t really say how many windows were needed to solve the puzzle.”

“Well the best places to start are probably the parts that were more likely to have needed pieces from the old castle to aid in the construction.” Both Spike, and Pip ‘hmmm’ in unison as they pondered where the likeliest of places to find their clues within the castle, after a moment Spike snapped his fingers and smirked.

“I bet my bottom bit that we’ll find what we’re looking for in the oldest part of the castle Pip.” Whipping his head toward the direction of the library’s entrance Spike began walking toward his set destination.

“And where would that be Spike?” Slightly caught off guard by the dragon’s sudden movement, Pip quickly got up and trotted after his scaled accomplice.

“Well the first place that comes to mind if you ask me is the royal guard’s rec. room.”

“Seriously?”

“It used to be the first throne room, but after Luna’s banishment Celestia chose to move her throne to one of the rooms still unharmed. After that they kind of built on top of that, and the old throne room became the royal guards new place to blow off steam.”

“Oh...well that makes sense I guess.” Satisfied with the explanation Pip followed the dragon out the library door, and down the hall leading to their next destination.

After the two had left the vicinity, a certain guard appeared from behind the bookcase Spike and Pip had been talking next to. Checking to see if the cost was clear the pegasus rubbed his smarting leg, before swearing in a voice unlike the one he used earlier. “Damn Pipsqueak you can bet your ugly mug I’ll be paying you back double for that.” Taking note that the stallion and dragon had spoke of heading to the rec. room the pegasus moved quickly to follow suit.

Meanwhile:

“It must say Sweetie Bell it’s been far too long since the last time you’ve visited.” The mistress of the night stretched her forelimbs as she levitated a cup of freshly brewed tea to her lips. Her guest Sweetie Bell nervously glanced at her own while her princess continued to sip away. Noticing her subject’s trepidation Luna placed the cup down, and fixed a hopefully disarming smile onto her face. “Is the tea to your liking young Sweetie Bell, I do hope that I haven’t overheated this brew.”

“Oh no princess the tea is fine, exquisite even. It’s just....” An uncertain look crossed the mares face as she left her sentence unfinished.

“You’re worried about your husband aren’t you?”

Sweetie Bell nodded her head while she swished the contents of her cup slightly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Quite.”

With a sigh Sweetie Bell downed the entire cup with one gulp effectively alarming Luna who’s blinked in a somewhat stunned silence. Showing no signs that the tea had burned her insides or not Sweetie Bell smiled sheepishly at her surprised princess. “Sorry, it’s just....I’m so used to having Spike nearby or at least knowing everything he’s doing and now suddenly I feel completely lost here.”

Luna gave an understanding smile as she eyed her own tea then proceeded to take another sip. “You could say I know that feeling well, Pip’s travels tend to take him far and wide so we don’t see one another as often as I would like.” At the end of her sentence Luna’s voice took a slight downcast tone and a small frown marred her beautiful face, but in an instant the frown was replaced by a grin as Luna rolled her eyes in an over dramatic fashion. “But I suppose that comes with the territory when you fall in love with an adventurer, wouldn’t you agree?”

Despite her previous gloomy attitude the purple and pink maned mare could not resist a small giggle in reply to her princess’s fake annoyance.

“I suppose that’s just how men are, holding you close one moment then scampering off like giddy foals at the prospect of something exciting.” Seeing that Sweetie Bell’s mood was improving Luna continued playing the role of a miffed spouse, snorting in faux indignation as she went on. “Oh I’m soo sorry Luna I can’t stay around and attend the dinner with you and princess Celestia tonight I have some old dusty rock to discover somewhere.”

From her seat Sweetie Bell laughed at Luna’s impersonation of the pinto, even joining in once she controlled her mirth. “Spike’s the exact same, every time I try to set up a nice little meet up with my parents he suddenly has a dragon code mission to see through, or coincidentally has to rewrite a few lyrics on a new song.”

The two mares shared a laugh, before simultaneously rolling their eyes and saying. “Stallions, can’t get live with them can’t live without them.”

With another giggle Sweetie Bell looked back to her teacup now wishing that she’d save some for later. As if reading the much younger mare’s mind a kettle surrounded by a dark blue aura levitated before her and refilled her cup. Look from the past the wisps of steam that her drink emitted Sweetie Bell sheepishly smiled to her beaming host.

“Uhh thank you princess.”

“You’re quite welcome it’s about time this tea kettle had more use applied to it, and please the formality is unnecessary just call me Luna.”

“I mean for earlier, I really needed that laugh with all this craziness going on.”

Waving away Sweetie Bell’s comment like an exaggerated compliment Luna merely smiled as she willed the kettle to refill her own empty cup. “It’s a princess’s duty to put her subject’s mind at ease dearest Sweetie Bell, as well as being a good host. Now then what you and Spike been up to since the last time I’ve seen you?”

Meanwhile:

“Well rookie, you in or ya goin home to mama?”

“Gimme a sec I need to look at what I have.”

“Laddie you’ve been lookin' at that the same five cards goin' on an hour now.”

“S-Shut up I got this.”

From his position at the table a lunar guard pony leaned to his right to inspect the cards of much younger guard next to him. Tsking out loud the bat pony resumed his original spot, and gave the nervous royal guard a sympathetic look. “You might as well fold while you still got a wee bit of pride under ya laddie, no sense in give us all your money on your third night.”

“What ya go and say that for you gray-maned codger? The boy ain’t gonna learn if he doesn’t get ta play with the real stallions.” Sitting opposite of the now even more nervous royal guard was another bat pony his age between the newly recruited colt, and the elder stallion beside him. Taking a moment to swing back a metal tankard of beer, the lunar guard leered at his senior before turning back to the rookie. “Don’t go mindin ‘ol Lechette over there laddie, if you think you got the stones and the cards put em up.”

“U-Ummm I-I-I...” When Sturdy Shield had enlisted into the royal guard the young colt assumed he was about to begin a long career of cushy guard assignments, and the occasional slaying of magical beast, yet none of his courage or daydreaming had prepared him for his current scenario. His days so far were filled with constantly patrolling long corridors, getting chewed out for reasons unbeknownst to him, and worse of all dealing with the other guards who’s boredom had driven them to playing for each other’s spare bits, ultimately robbing the unwary of their hard earned pay. And somehow the wet behind the ears rookie had landed himself at the very same table as the most notorious card players this side of castle.

“Make a decision already bra! I could be seriously blasting these guns here if we weren’t waiting on your stuttering flank.” Taking up the final seat was another new recruit, a day guard much like Sturdy Shield who was looking forward to ending his shift with a bag full of bits.

“I’m IN!” Mustering all his courage Sturdy Shield pushed his small pile of bits forward to become one with the pile created from his three fellows. Putting on a brave face the in over his head colt looked from one comrade to another paling internally at their reactions. The older bat pony ‘Tsked’ a few times before shaking his head and looking down at his own cards, his fellow recruit began pumping his hoof into the air while shouting at some pony across the room to grab him another brewski, but worst of all was the malicious grin worn on the second lunar guard’s face.

“Well you heard him boys, all in. Now read em and we..!”

A loud crash interrupted the bat pony’s sentence, and all within the guard rec. room ceased festivities, and turned sharply to watch a pinto stallion and a purple dragon trip over themselves and into the room. As luck would have it the guard responsible for keeping the cider barrels primed, and in place was currently pushing a very full and very heavy barrel of cider right in front of the duo. With the grace matching that of the very princess of the sun herself after one of her notorious binges the pinto tripped over the barrel, latched onto the dragon to perhaps save himself, and drag not just both of them but the barrel as well into a rolling mass that bowled over two guards, and ramped off an upturned table. As the guards watched in rapt fascination, the spines from the dragons back pierced the barrel in such a way that it filled the cups of seven thirsty guard ponies in mid-air prompting a cheer from all of those who had prayed for a free refill to fall out of the sky.

The whole sordid affair ended as the pinto hit the ground, the dragon landed on the pinto, and the cider barrel landed on it’s side above both where it’s contents leaked out into the unsuspecting but not complaining mouths of the duo below.

A panel of judges sat a few feet away having been assembled the moment the chaos had began, and after sharing neutral looks between each other they raised three large cards for all to see.

“8.0!” Shouted the first, this judge being known for his firm but fair opinion and his soothing baritone voice.

“7.5!” A generous score from the judge famed for his cutting remarks, and his ability to see a flaw in anything performed before him.

All guards took a silent inhale as the final judge roared enthusiastically. “9.0!” The final judge notorious for giving a high score on just about everything pulled through in the end, and the room shook from the cheers of the highly impressed guards within.

Immediately song and dance commenced, and the two newcomers responsible were brought to their feet, and handed a celebratory free drink.

“Damn good show guys, any chance you got an act involving fire?” A chuckling solar guard gave the two a clap on the back before raising a tankard to his lips.

After taking a grateful drink from the mug given to him Pipsqueak chuckled before shaking his head his head no. “Sorry friend, but we’ve got some business to attend to. Plus the princesses might not be too keen on us lighting a green match next to all of this grade A cider.”

The lunar guard laughed in understanding before clinking his cup with Pip’s and wandering off to join a departing group of solar stallions.

Pip looked down at the still dazed Spike and pried his head spine from the barrel letting a torrent of sweet liquor wash out onto the floor.

As if summoned by magic a two legged griffin hobbled to where the spilled cider had spelt and began cleaning the mess.

“Great job on the floors Stumpy.” The bartender called out to the janitor.

"Ah, wish Ah was dead." The weathered griffin mumbled under his breath like he did everyday.

“Have a nice day Stumpy.” Once again the pony behind the counter called out to the castle Custodian as he limped out of the room.

To say Pip was confused would have been an understatement or it would had his time in Ponyville and traversing Equestria and beyond had told him to expect the unexpected. Looking back to his still out friend Pip called over to the barkeep hoping the grizzled earth pony would have something to rouse the old cold dragon.

“Let’s give him a drink of some of my famous lager, I’ve seen the stuff cause newbies to sprout beards as long as the princess’s mane.” Wasting no time the barkeep ducked underneath the bar, and a minute later popped up with a large bottle between his hooves. After the bottle was given to Pip the pinto immediately opened it, and poured its contents into Spike’s mouth.

A long silence followed before a small gurgle emitted from the still unconscious dragon earning a shared “Aww” from the guards who watched from their tables.

“Gonna need something stronger, this is a dragon we’re dealing with.” Nodding his head at Pip’s statement the barkeep ducked back down then produced a large jug.

“Well give this stuff a try then, whenever the princess of the sun goes on one of her drinking rampages she kicks back a few of these halfway through, and I swear the sun starts to implode on itself when she does.”

With the help of a guard pony Pip held the entire jug over Spike’s mouth then emptied the whole thing, though the drake still remained down and out. Several guards cheered compliments toward the dragon and his godlike levels of tolerance to the good drink, though the barkeep looked downright stunned.

“What the hay is that beast made out of?” After racking his old brain for few moments the barkeep beamed to himself as he remembered an sub-suicidal concoction he had heard about from back in his old service days overseas. “Alright fillies step back I’m gonna give this deep sleeper, the can call.”

Several gasp filled the room as the barkeep located all of the necessary ingredients, a large lump of coal, a hoof-full of steel wool, and a single blue can that glowed ominously. Across the room Sturdy Shield raised an eyebrow at the commotion, and looked toward the older bat pony beside him had an amused expression across his face. “The hay is that all about Lechette?”

“That youngin, is the infamous ‘can call’ last fella I ever heard took it ended up spontaneously combustin' in a fire so bright the sun itself looked like a dimming light bulb.” Lechette chuckled as he watched the solar guard’s eyes widen considerably then turn back to watch the sight, completely oblivious to everything else going on.

“I advise for all ponies with weak constitutions, fear of a fiery death, or may in fact be with child or planning on having one someday to clear the room.” Hearing the barkeeps words a few guards quickly made for the exit, knocking over a newcomer that had just entered who muttered an accented “Ey!”

With a nod to Pip who made sure to keep the sleeping dragon’s mouth wide with his hooves, the barkeep dropped the coal, and steel wool in first the odd pair of items only having a few seconds of sitting patiently atop the dragon’s tongue before the hissing of the blue can’s top being opened for the first time dominated the now silent room. Taking a moment to pray inwardly to all his past ancestors, the old barkeep poured a fizzling neon blue liquid into the dragons awaiting jaws. There was only time for a quick nod from the barkeep before all ponies within the room hit the deck as Spike’s mouth closed shut and chewed the contents within.

“RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” Spike’s claws dug into the floor and his back spines emitted an eerie green light as he set forth a blast of fire so intense it melted a hole in the bar’s granite countertop.

It was truly an amazing feat as the countertop was so hot that it jumped straight from liquid to plasma. The bar looked like a piece of modern art dictating the downfall of Equestrian society, well if you were a pretentious knob-head.

Once the flames died down, Spike fixed his tie and took a deep breath. “Bill me later for the damages.”

The pinto blinked. “Holy ...”

After composing themselves and checking to make sure the bartender didn’t mind the new artistic direction they had taken with his counter Spike and Pip quickly set to work on surveying the room. Though the room was filled to the brim with drunk and entertained ponies, contained a multitude of briskly revitalizing spirits, and didn’t seem wanting for a place to sit there was nary a stained window to be found. “You sure this is where the old throne room used to be Spike?”

Tapping a claw to his chin Spike glanced around the room, seeming to focus more on the ceiling, and walls than on any item, or individual. “I’m positive...it’s just...” A sudden expression of realization dominated Spike’s face as he began to glance all around. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that sooner?!”

Mystified by the drake’s exclamation Pip raised a hoof to his head to scratch it, and attempted to mirror his partner. “Uhh Spike any chance you can elaborate?”

“It’s the size of this place Pip, the old throne room was roughly four times this size. I hadn’t noticed at first but when you really look at the dimensions of the room you’d have to be crazy to think the princesses would be okay if ruling the land from within such a small space.” Emerald green eyes focusing on a door to their left Spike motioned for the pinto to follow him as he began to move toward it. “When they remodeled they must have sectioned off parts of the bigger room, and I bet my favorite piano that what we’re looking for is past that door.”

Nodding his head in agreement Pip followed his scaled comrade across the room and past the wooden door Spike had motioned to, no pony attempted to stop them though a familiar pegasus had tried to follow only have a force pull him toward a table.

“Hey! What’s all this then?!” Before the pegasus knew what was going on he found himself seated before a table with one solar guard, and two lunar pegasuses. Of the two lunar guards the oldest smirked quietly as his younger comrade chuckled darkly.

“Ya bein shanghaied for a bit of fun kiddo, now you ain’t leavin this table till you defend yer pride as a stallion with a game of cards.” The abducted looked toward the other solar guard who merely sighed in a depressed manner, and shook his head.

“Hope your days been going well so far buddy.”

Back with Spike and Pip the duo had stepped past the door and found themselves within a not so well lit room. Only a few torches had been left lit causing Pip’s vision to be obscured slightly, shadows danced across the floor and walls thanks to the few cider containers within the room and a large cabinet. Looking around Spike noticed that past the cider barrels another wooden door stood nearly masked in the darkness.

“Hey Pip help me move these out of the way, think we got a little more ways to go.”

The room had crates and barrels stacked to the ceiling if that wasn’t bad enough, it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned out in decades. Spike stuck his clawed hand into a pile of the debris and pulled out a band poster.

“Violent Ecstasy on tour? They broke up years ago...”

As luck would have it, this mountain of years of junk did provide them with some help as it did form as impromptu step stool for Pip and Spike.

In the center of the north most wall were a series of boarded up arches covered in some kind of black cloth.

“Hey Spike, can you give me a hand?” Pip motioned to a series of wooden boxes and old wooden kegs.

“No problem.” Within a few minutes Spike and Pip had moved the boxes and kegs toward the boarded up arches.

Pip wiped his brow. “Hey Spike if these are windows are not just look at them from the outside?”

Raising his eyebrow at the idea Spike shook his head, and proceeded to tear off the black cloth covering the arches. With the covering shroud removed the arches revealed large tapestries of colored glass. “I’m thinking this is what we’re after partner.”

To say that this window was a work of art would have been an understatement as it was more than just a cavalcade of interlocking complex shapes and to think there were twelve more just like it was mind blowing.

They then proceeded to reveal the other twelve windows each one showed a breathtaking scene through the skilled glasswork of a long departed master artisan. Though all of them were truly works of art, Pip realized that only four of them had seemed to depict anything of importance while the rest merely showed landscapes.

The pair went around the guard room examining each window.

“That’s odd.”

“What?”

“Apparently four of these windows have different markings on them.”

“Where? I can’t see anything in this dim room.”

“Oh, that’s right, you’re an earth pony.” The drake said as he grabbed a lamp from a nearby table to show his compatriot his findings.

“A talon print, a shark, an ancient horseshoe and a blue crescent.”

“Suppose they’re somehow related to each other?”

“We know that the shark has something to do with danger or water.”

“The blue crescent could mean the actual moon, but there’s the blue color.”

“The horseshoe maybe has something to do with ponies in general?” Spike shrugged, after all the most brain work he’s had to do in recent years was figuring out how to assemble a bookshelf from that Neighwegian furniture store.

“That still doesn’t explain the talon print.”

“More predatory symbolism? Griffins? Dragons?”

This was going to harder than they thought. It only got more confusing when the duo noticed the stars surrounding each image.

…..

“I don’t think Star Swirl was being all that subtle.”

“What do you mean?”

“All the outer frames for these windows have a tiny symbol carved into the solder.”

“And?”

“There are tiny symbols of waves, a pair of crossing tridents, cattails and gull wings.”

“Hmm... more nautical related pictographs.” Pip thought out loud.

Like a freight train it hit the pinto all at once, what if all the clues centered on the water.

“HA HA. Everything has something to do the ocean or rather everything leads to it!” Pip began to shake and laugh maniacally, last time Spike has seen something like this it was at one of his concerts and the end result was dousing an out of control fan with pepper spray.

“Don’t you see?! Even the windows themselves are a clue. Tell me, what’s glass made from?”

“Sand, duh.”

“Yes, but where did that sand come from, if Old Canterlot was so far inland?” Before Spike could even attempt to answer that question, the excited earth pony pulled out a pencil and a notepad, did some scribbling and continued onward. “...Oh...my… I got it!”

Now with a renewed sense of urgency and a destination in his mind Pip bolted upwards from the makeshift table with his note book held between his teeth galloped out the room as his dragon companion gave chase this time being careful not to destroy any of the bar this time.

As they ran through the room, Spike couldn’t help but notice that the guard from the Archives was being force fed a beer bong.

After what seemed like only minutes they made it to their destination: The Royal Map Room.
Pip still giddy to the point of nausea grabbed an era correct topographical atlas.

“Will you, please tell me what this is all about?”

“Sand, it came from the Capricorn river delta. You can tell because of its imperfections, later windows would source their materials from further away circa 200 A.N.M.”

“But it’s more than that; the images are actually landmarks as you can seee...” Pip flipped the atlas to correct page as he stretched out the word. “...here.”

Spike looked down to see his companion pointing to the beginning of the basin of the crescent moon. As his eyes followed Pipsqueak’s hoof, he became aware of the similarities between the images from earlier and the map. “Yeah, but what about the stars? They have to mean something.”

“Well, each had a different number: 1, 18, 19, 4, which as letters would mean A, R, S, E.”

Okay, that last bit made the both of them giggle. Once they calmed down, they looked over the river again and as they finished the route, the earth pony adventurer had another one of those eureka moments.

“According to the map, the first maker is in dragon territory.”

“Why would Star Swirl place it there?”

Pip sighed. “What do you know about the False Treaty of 100 B.N.M?”

“Um... I write songs for a living... ancient land wars aren’t something that come into everyday conversation.”

“I’ll keep it simple, a long time ago the dragon city of Argrovilla used to be the pony coastal city of Ares and wherever the marker is it’ll most likely be in the oldest building, that is if it’s still standing after 1,100 years.”

“So bottom line, looks like we’re goin’ up the river tomorrah.”

In Guest Suit 44B that night

“Spike, I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Leaning in close to his wife Spike nuzzled Sweetie Belle’s neck. “I’ll admit it’s a bit shaky, but this trip means everything to me. It means I don’t have to spend eternity without you.”

Letting out a small sigh Sweetie Belle turned toward her husband with a worried gleam in her eyes. “I’m sure that you’d find someone new eventually. You don’t have to risk your life just for me”.

“Maybe you’re right....but never in a dozen thousand years will I ever love a mare as much as I do you.”

“So you’d want wrinkles, body aches and senility over immortality?”

“Sure, as long as I get them with you. There’s nopony I’d rather grow old and senile with than you babe.” Spike punctuated his last statement with a kiss and slight squeeze of the mare beside him.

Though she doubted that her beloved truly knew what he was giving up for her, Sweetie Belle smiled warmly from her dragon’s cuddling.

In Luna’s chambers

“Our answer is no.”

“B-but Luna..”

“We shall be having none of your butts Pip, that is the end of this discussion.”

“Luna...I think you’re being a little irrational about this.”

“Says the colt who wants to go on a wild, life-threatening fowl-chase.”

“....Only because I want to live forever..with you.”

Scowling at the stallion’s combination of stubbornness, and sweetness Luna the alicorn gave a small huff as she settled into her bed. Looking past her shimmering mane too lock eyes with the love of her life Luna felt a small scowl form on her face when she noticed his determination had yet to falter “You know Pip, we could just cast an incantation that would turn you into solid stone, that way we could unfreeze you, teach you about magic for a bit then freeze you again until you’ve finally ascended to an alicorn’s level of mastery. It just might take a few centuries.”

Rolling his eyes at his love’s behavior Pip made his way over to the pouting alicorn until he was gently rubbing the side of his head against hers. “Well as foolproof as that idea sounds, I doubt that a few hundred years of being a stone stud would feel all that great not to mention that no handsome rock could come close to replacing me in my flesh and blood.”

This elicited a giggle from his lunar princess.

“I’ll come back to you, plus it’s not like I’m going alone.”

All Luna could do was snuggle into the spotted earth pony as they both descended into their own respective slumbers.

The Next day they set out on their adventure and said their farewells to their significant others.

“Please don’t take too long, there’s a reward if you come home early. ” Sweetie Belle began whispering into the dragon’s ear before nibbling on the green scaly fringe which only caused Spike to turn a bright shade of red and giving him more reason to not die during his impending adventure.

“I’ll miss you, honey.”

Luna tried her best to compose herself as she knew her lover was about to descend into a perilous journey.

“This isn’t goodbye.” Pip pulled the co-ruler of Equestria into deep passion filled kiss.

With no further words the dragon and earth pony set off on their trip for both mortality and immortality.

Meanwhile in front of Pony Joe’s Donut Emporium; it was typical Tuesday morning, the outside tables were packed with the perfect mixture of blue collar workers and Canterlot Elite and the surrounding area smelled of sugar, chocolate and peanut oil.

Of course all this tranquility was interrupted as what could only described as the stench of low tide emanated from the ground. The ground began to quake and as the cover of one of the sewer access points flew towards the sky like a cannon ball.

“AIR, SWEET, GLORIOUS AIR!!!” A disheveled orange pegasus wearing what seemed to be the remnants of royal guard armor and sewer sludge burst out from the nearby manhole.

The patrons looked at the the stallion with complete and utter terror as if he was something straight out of a cheap B-movie horror flick.

The horrific pony then sauntered over to a nearby table flung some of his filth on the ground and motioned towards the plate. “Aye nina, you gonna eat that?”

The mare slowly shook her head before her guest grabbed her breakfast and flew off towards the Capricorn river.

Spike and Pip stood at the docks as they waited for their ferrypony to take them to Argrovilla.

“Where’s our river guide supposed to be anyway?”

Just as Spike said those words a harpoon whizzed past his head.

“What the f--”

“Welcome to my boat mere mortals for I, Hammerhead Typhoon will take you to Argrovilla and meet my wife.”

“H-harpoon?!”

“That was the official greeting of the river.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to my co-writer Giant Mako for helping me get this chapter done.

Some more art.

They all Float

“The official greeting of the river!?”

The tall tan coated stallion looked at them like they were crazy ones. “Yes for I Hammerhead Typhoon will be escorting you unworthy wretches down my wonderful body of water.”

“Um...that wasn’t the question we asked...”

Spike turned to Pipsqueak and half whispered to him, well not so much whispered as he lost his cool and shouted into his ear. “Why in the name of everything holy did you hire the spear throwing nautical nut?!”

“Don’t let his looks and actions fool you, there is no better guide than Hammer.”

Of course it didn’t help Pip’s case when their guide began swimming laps around the boat as called it “making love to the water” as a a good luck ritual.

All Spike could think about was how he could afford a much better boat and guide than the crazy stallion Pip hired.

Once their captain was done with his tradition they were officially off on their three day trip down the mighty Capricorn river.

As Hammerhead proceeded to show Pip around his pride and joy Spike tried his best not to trip over the random items and bits of junk leading the drake to find sanctuary at the ship’s edge. “No better than Hammer he says.” Deciding for himself that the oversized piece of driftwood was probably going to sink before they managed to see the sun set, Spike groaned and looked over the boat’s edge.

Surprising enough something seemed to be looking right back up at the drake. Just beneath the river’s surface a shadow seemed to float alongside the river craft at a lazy pace, a red glowing orb in it’s middles disappeared and reappeared like the blinking of an eye.

Now Spike was typically one to leave things be, due in part to the fact that he preferred he receive the exact same treatment from others. But faced with the sad truth that his perilous journey was starting with a less than desirable mode of transportation as well as it being steered by a stallion that seemed to have more bilge water in his head than others would deem safe. It could be seen as understandable that the drake was somewhat irritable.

“What’re you looking at?” Picking up an large splinter that had been previously menacing the drake with it’s silent promises of a deep uncomfortable impalement, Spike on a whim chucked it at the shadow. A small splash rang out as whatever the shadow had been thrashed slightly before speeding off deeper into the river.

“Oy drake!” Spike whipped his head around to catch sight of a curious Pip, and an annoyed looking Hammerhead Typhoon. Shaking his grizzled head at Spike’s actions the captain walked toward the edge and looked down at the water below. “It ain’t a good idea to go botherin the fishies round here. The sea can be a real bitch when she wants ta.” Failing to see whatever Spike had spooked off Hammerhead turned back to Pip before explaining to the duo what chores he’d be expecting from the two if they wanted to get anywhere before sunset.

Later on as the sun began to set the trio sat down to grab some dinner in the galley, which was provided by their river guide.

“What’s this? It’s fantastic!”

“Old family recipe.” As soon as those words left Hammerhead’s mouth an eyeball floated to the surface of the stew causing Spike to turn positively green ...well more so than usual. “And look there’s some of the old family, HA HA!!!”

The stallion flicked the eye out of the pot, get it roll along his shoulders and plopped it back into the empty socket behind his eyepatch. “I was wonderin’ where that blasted glass eye of mine went.”

“Yeah… I’m gonna go see if I can’t rustle me up some coal from the boiler room to eat.”

Hammerhead just shook his head. “City folk. Oh well, more for us, laddie.”

Though no less disgusted than his scaled friend Pip continued to consume a healthy amount of the questionable stew. The sun was now hidden away behind them, and the moon sat high above the river as if lighting it’s way while it continued its journey. As no stranger to adventure Pip figured he’d get a better nights sleep if his stomach was full.

After everyone on board had eaten enough (whether it be hodgepodge soup or a mouthful of coal) the crew of three all began to settle down for the night. Even the captain’s oddball antics finally slowed to a stop once his good eye began to feel droopy. “Alright you landlubers, can’t do any decent sailing in the day if we’re tripping over ourselves throughout the night, that and sailing at night does things to your mind.”

The Pinto and the drake watched as their river guide adopted a glazed over expression as he stared into space.

After a few minutes Spike reached out to poke the still comatose stallion.

“Spike don’t!” Pip tried to warn his companion, but it was too late because with a simple nudge the sea pony woke up violently and attacked the dragon in front of him.

“Thought you could sneak up on us at night, did you, you sum bitch?!”

“Urgh, Pip?”

“I tried to warn you, Hammer has PTSD.”

‘Herk… great, what else? Is this ship is full of scale eating parasites, sea slug chewing meth addicts, it wouldn’t surprise me.’ Spike thought as the captain of their ship was having his Llamatopian war flashbacks all directed in the form of aggression on the dragon.

Luckily, Spike managed to get away from the stallion. “For the love of my mother do something Pip.” He called out to the pony.

“Where did you go, you scaly little bastard? When I get my hooves on ya I’m gonna string up you and all yur llama comrades. Then I’m gonna win this wa--” Hammerhead’s rant was interrupted by a lukewarm cauldron of stew landing square on his head. “...Mmm, is that cilantro?”

The eleven secret herbs and spices from his dinner concoction woke him up from his war memory fueled murder rampage. “Boys, what’s all this about and why am I holding a knife?”

“You had one of your episodes.”

“Oh...”

“Hey, Spike you can stop hiding behind those barrels now.”

All the dragon could do was grumble about how when they make their return trip, that he’s not traveling in anything less than first class.

Later that night, the boat was securely anchored just off shore and its passengers had turned in for the night.

“...Hey...Pip.” From the confines of his sleeping bag Spike hissed toward the form to his right, an even sharper edge to the tense tone he’d been keeping up since first stepping on the pile of driftwood their guide called a ship.

“...Whuua...lemme aloon.”

Hearing the sounds slightly increase in frequency prompted the now slightly terrified drake to try again. “Pip! Wake up!” An annoyed yawn quickly followed Spike’s request, as well as the sound of Pip sitting up in his sleeping bag.

“Spike I don’t care if you’re seasick, or the damn room smells like a minotaur’s jock-strap will you please stuff it so I can get some sleep?” The annoyed leer that Pip had planned to fix on his draconian companion was stifled by the sight of Spike frantically pointing a claw toward the other side of the room. Pip’s eyes crept past the ends of their sleeping bags, down the numerous wood rotten splinter infested boards, and came to an ominous stop at the window that peeked out onto the ship’s deck. The star filled night sky, and the silvery symbol that always reminded the stallion of his beloved princess was currently being blocked by what appeared to be eyeless snakes performing show tunes. Oh, wait scratch that, once Pip’s eyes fully focused he felt somewhat silly for mistaking what was obviously a few dozen tentacles moving toward him and Spike enthusiastically.

“...That can’t be good.”

“Do you hear that Pip?” A deep chanting began to grow in volume outside of the window, and beyond the tentacle puppet show, eerie red orbs began to come into view and approach the window.

“ghbbhteh...urgaabtwe..ghbbhteh...urgaabtwe!”

Both Spike and Pip visibly shivered in their sleeping bags as the garbled words chilled them to their very souls, whilst promising a very uncomfortable night for all involved. “Maybe if we just stay quiet they’ll go away.”

“Ibgweluurbbt!” The sickening sound of wood being ripped asunder and the smell of fish guts would serve as an adequate hint that their cabin door had most certainly been done away with.

“SPIKE!”

“PIP!”

“cthgaurtlgebs btairpkvlhety!”

“Off my ship you filthy bilge rat bucking pieces of flotsam!” Just as a few slime covered limbs had just started to tickle our duo’s feet a harpoon flew between Spike and Pip’s heads to hit dead center in the the red pupil that had been staring outside the door.

“Suhwuot uipg afnrdw jqaiml!”

Copious amounts of sickly green fluid immediately gushed out as the inflicted eldritch let loose a blood-curdling wail. *SCREEEEeee!* Roaring out a shout of challenge as he barreled past the still awestruck duo Hammerhead crashed into the retreating creature another harpoon gripped tightly between his teeth, and a half dozen more secured to his back by a makeshift sac.

“It’s a shame I gotta paint the deck with your inside parts you miserable excuses for fish bait, I just scrubbed the deck this morning!” Jabbing the still screeching monster once more in what remained of it’s pupil whilst taking the time to twist the jagged weapon savagely Hammerhead fixed a crazed eye about his deck. Even with his vision reddening from the early stages of battle lust, the salty sea dog could make out nearly a dozen more of the creatures moving around his boat. “Well shave me ass, and call me a walrus!”

Back within the remains of the cabin Spike and Pip shared matching wide-eyed expressions as they watched the captain gallop about the deck hurling harpoons into anything that dared to stay still for longer than a second, and jabbing the blood covered weapons into anything attached to a slimy tentacle.

Taking a moment to rip his eyes away from the waterlogged carnage outside Pip chanced a glance toward his scaled companion. “...And you doubted me for picking this guy.”

Spike’s only reply came in the form of raising both of his open hands by his sides and shrugging while keeping a flabbergasted expression. “Well how was I supposed to know that funny smelling, and borderline loony-bin material equaled Cthulhu bane in a fight?” Before he could further explain himself the haunting sound of singing began to take the place of Hammerhead’s strings of curses and shouts.

“Tonight..I’m gonna have myself...a real good time.”

Pip and Spike both offered a dubious glance toward the deck turned battlefield, before glancing back to one another and speaking at the same time. “He’s not really gonna…”

“I feel alive and the world is turning inside out yeah!” Rolling underneath a swiping tentacle that was meant to take his head right off, Hammerhead sprung forward and pinned an unprepared attacker to the deck with a harpoon. “I’m floating around in ecstasy.” Pausing a moment to brandish another harpoon and grin devilishly into the the eye of his screeching captive, Hammerhead let out a growl “I’m gonna fuck your mother and dive into her clam...not necessarily in that order.”

Though to this day we may never know whether the monster could understand equestrian speech, but our records (Hammerhead’s own words) describe to us that the cheap excuse for a sea monster did let out a highly offended squeal before it was sent on a one way trip to Davy Jones locker. Either way it’s incredibly likely that the mad captain surely didn’t care, or stop singing for that matter.

“So don’t stop me now!”

So caught up in spectating their captains musical antics the dragon, and pinto were much too busy singing along to realize that they had certainly not been forgotten. “Don’t stop me now.”

And that’s when two things occurred. The first was the ship suddenly beginning to rock drunkenly due to another wave of the sea horrors surrounding, and attempting to board the corpse covered ship. The second was Pip letting out a surprised "The hell?!" as something began to tickle his right side.

“H-hey Spike I know things are looking grim, but I’m really not into that whole ‘die a lover rather than a fighter’ shtick.”

Spike whose face immediately tinted a grossed out green whipped his head around to remind his friend that out of the two of them he was the happily married one when his slitted pupils noticed more than an off-put stallion. “Hate to ruin your dreams Pip, but I think we got company.”

A half dozen tentacles quickly snatched up our heroes before Pip could so much as shout out “Holy Hentai!” With his hooves ensnared, and his mind realizing that the ‘tickling sensation’ he had felt early was just one of the monsters building up the courage to ruin sea adventuring for the stallion permanently Pip cast a near terrified glare to his equally entangled companion.

“H-Hey! Now would be a great time for some dragon muscle!”

Growling as he attempted to pull his limbs free Spike raised a scaled eyebrow toward Pip. “Kinda captured here as if you didn’t know. What do you want?”

“You’re a dragon, do something!”

At that Spike’s strained expression turned slightly hesitant. “Oh yea...um..the thing is..”

The young stallion sighed heavily. “Oh, for the love of Luna!” Pip jerked forward with all his strength, head butting Spike right below the Adam's apple and luckily right in the flame glands causing a torrent of emerald molten hot bile to spew from Spike’s surprised jaws and right through the tentacles of the hungry creature holding the drake. As it screeched in pain the monstrosity recoiled suddenly and began to violently flail it’s would be meal about. Despite the dizzying experience he was being put through Spike quickly recovered and with a swipe of his claws the drake freed himself of the monster’s grasp.

“Hey, you’re welcome!” Still strung up like a school mare with brightly colored hair, Pip yanked his head in the direction of the monster that seemed happy enough just to prolong his mental torment.

Rolling his eyes Spike did a quick inhale before he breathed out a line of bright green flame into the eldritch’s face (if you could call such a mismatch of features a face) prompting it to squeal loudly, and drop Pip none too gently onto the floor. “....Thanks.”

Meanwhile on the deck Hammerhead had just reached the highpoint of his song as well as the brain of another slime covered varmint with one of his harpoons “...that’s why they call me mister Fahrenheit, I’m traveling at the speed of light.” Though his ferocity, and sea legs had certainly given the grizzled stallion the edge there was fast becoming to many bodies to maim, and too much squishy parts to skewer alone. The weapon clenched within his mouth was yanked away by an unseen foe to his left, and before Hammerhead could reach for another a tentacle had grasped onto his left fore-leg.

Kicking about as best as he could Hammerhead managed to wrestle the attached tentacle back to it’s owner, where still mid verse the stallion bit into the creatures side flooding his singing mouth with sewage tasting blood. “I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you!” Though the bite caused the creature to release him the captain scarcely had time to collect himself before he was completely surrounded. “Don’t stop me. Don’t stop me. Don’t stop me.”

“Hey. Hey. HEY!” A second voice accompanied Hammerhead’s a the about the same time that the monster to the captain’s right suddenly grew a blood covered spear point from out of it’s middle. With a mighty shove, Pip dislodged the spasming foe from his newly acquired weapon, and quickly jumped over the creature to stand back to back with Hammerhead.

“Don’t stop me. Don’t stop me. Don’t stop me.” Now with another harpoon clenched between his teeth, Hammerhead gave the pinto an approving nod before the charging monster in front of him was suddenly set alight by a cone of green fire.

“Ooh ooh ooh!” Careful to dodge around the sea spawn that he had set fire to, Spike joined Pip, and the captain the entire time his tail tapping against the deck rhythmically.

Smelling the odor of burning squid bait seemed to give Hammerhead his second wind as he charged forward while shouting “I like it!”

Nodding to each other, Spike and Pip were quick to charge right behind the obviously mad as a hatter stallion into the now cowering group of monsters. A few more minutes of show-tunes, and introducing one-eyed horrors to their makers later and finally the deck was clear of attackers, though there was plenty of now dead losers that set straight to work on coating the area with a foul smell.

“You two clean up this mess, I gotta special project to do before we continue along our way.” With those words he threw a mop and bucket at the dragon and pony before ducking into his cabin only to emerge a few minutes later brandishing not a weapon but a bottle of red wine, a box of chocolates and some roses.

“Err...Captain?”

Hammerhead’s only response was a curt nod of his head before he jumped off the deck and into the moonlit waters below.

Two hours passed as their captain still hadn’t come back up from the river. In that time Spike and Pip were playing with the notion of continuing their journey on their own. Well, they would have, had it not been for a certain nautical nut returning to his vessel. Only this time he was covered in what appeared to be a mixture of slime and lipstick marks.

“I wasn’t lyin’ about what I said about rogering the monster’s mum. Might, have to call her again sometime, maybe.”

They two of them were utterly dumbfounded by the entire situation.

Hammerhead slowly clapped his hooves bring the dragon and pony out of their stupor. "Great job on the deck boys, now if you can excuse I gotta wash off sea monster poon and shame smell off me."

As they watched the proud looking stallion strut back to his cabin Spike and Pip shared a look before shaking their heads in unison. The pinto shrugged slightly as he let out a long sigh “Well at least we’re still alive...and mostly intact.”

“I fear that we’ll come out of all of this nearly as loony as the good captain.” Deflating a bit at the thought of returning to his lovely wife with a messy beard, and a unhinged viewpoint on life Spike swore to himself to never leave the comfort of land ever again when he returned.

“You say loony I say bursting at the seams with character laddie!” Poking his head from out of his cabin’s doorway Hammerhead shot a large grin toward the tired duo.

And with that, our weary travelers set off down the river in the setting sun and if their first day were anything to go by then they would need some kind of miracle to make it through their journey.

Author's Note

Special thanks to my good friend and co-writer Giant Mako as well as you fine folks for continuing to read this fic.