Pony Fiction

by u_abusebeercans

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Dark
Length: 1094

"Pulp Fiction", ponified and complete with the nonlinear goodness that made the film a classic.

The lives of two hit ponies, a chicken, a baker's wife, and a pair of bandits-turned-lovers intertwine in four tales of intolerance and redemption. See the epic film, "Pulp Fiction" become merged between the real world and the not-so-magical land of Equestria.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-13 10:13:28 UTC

Prelude to "Vincent and Carrot Cake's Wife"

The following is a ponified version of the film “Pulp Fiction”, and like the film, is NOT in chronological order. This particular part is based on the sequence “Prelude to 'Vincent Vega and Marsellus Wallace's Wife'”.

Prelude to 'Vincent and Mr. Carrot Cake's Wife'

The door opens to reveal three ponies. One pony was sitting down on a chair eating what looked like an apple, the second looked like he just found a comfy spot on the couch, and the third one was right in the doorway.

“Come in, friends.” said the pony with the apple.

Unbeknown to the pony with the apple, the two “friends” he let in were anything but friends. They were hit-ponies for Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Unfortunately, not everypony can learn their lessons the easy way. Sometimes, a pony has to learn it the hard way.

“Hello, fellas,” said the first hit-pony. “I'm guessing that the pony with the apple is Brett?”

“Yeah.” replied Brett as the third pony backed away.

A second hit-pony walked towards Brett's kitchen. This one did not seem really talkative, and looked like he was in a hurry to obtain something.

“I see you have some apples,” said the first hit-pony. “zap apples to be exact.”

“Oh, indeed.” replied Brett.

“Where did you get them from?” asked the hit-pony.

“Sweet Apple Acres.” said Brett.

The first hit-pony was hungry.

“Mind if I have a bite of your delicious zap apple?” asked the hit-pony.

Brett was reluctant, but quickly handed the zap apple to the first hit-pony.

“Go ahead.” said Brett.

The first hit-pony took a bite of Brett's zap apple, and was satisfied.

“This is a tasty zap apple,” said the hit-pony. “Vincent, have you ever had a zap apple from Sweet Apple Acres?”

“Nope.” replied the second hit-pony, Vincent.

“You sure you don't want a bite?” asked the first hit-pony.

“I'm not hungry.” said Vincent.

As tasty as that zap apple was, it was hard to swallow the entire thing, so the hit-pony needed to wash it down with something. He noticed that Brett had a glass of water with him.

“Mind if I wash down this apple with some water?” said the hit-pony.

Brett again was reluctant, but gave the hit-pony his glass of water. The pony quickly finished washing down the apple with water.

“That hit the spot!” said the hit-pony.

He noticed the second pony on the couch.

“You, flock of parasprites,” said the hit-pony. “Tell me where the shit is hidden?”

The third pony attempted to answer for the second pony, but was stopped by the hit-pony.

“I didn't remember asking you a Celestia damned thing!” yelled the hit-pony. “Now where is it?”

The second pony pointed with his hooves to the cupboards. Vincent opened the top cupboard.

“No, the one by your legs.” said the second pony.

Vincent opened the bottom cupboard, and saw a shiny briefcase with a picture of cake sticked to it. He then proceeded to put in the combination C-M-C. With a click, the briefcase opened, and Vincent could only stare in awe at the contents.

“Vincent, are we happy?” asked the hit-pony.

Vincent was still in awe.

“VINCENT, are we happy?” asked the hit-pony again.

“Yeah, we happy.” replied Vincent.

Brett proceeded to get out of his chair.

“Listen, I want to explain-” Brett attempted to say before the hit-pony gave him a sign to sit back in the chair.

“My name is Jules, and your flank isn't talking it's way out of this.” said Jules

“Listen, I want to explain how things got bucked up between us and Mr. Cake,” said Brett. “We really got into this thing with the best intentions.”

The hit-pony pulled out a Lil Macintosh, and replied with a bullet to the second pony. Brett was afraid for his life.

“I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?” asked Jules. “I believe you were saying something about 'best intentions', yes?”

Brett could not speak.

“What's the matter? OH, you were through anyway.” Jules realized. “Well, let me retort. Would you describe for me what Mr. Carrot Cake looks like?”

Brett still did not say a word. Jules was fed up with the little pony's silence, and savagely tipped the table over, removing the only object between himself and Brett.

“What town are you from?” Jules asked.

“W-What?” was the only thing that Brett could say.

“What ain't no damn town I've ever heard of,” said Jules. “they speak English in What?”

“W-W-What?” Brett stuttered, almost having a heart attack.

“ENGLISH MOTHERBUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?” yelled Jules.

“Y-Yes.” was the only response that Brett could stutter out of his mouth.

“Then you know what the hell I'm saying?” Jules asked.

“Yes!” Brett yelled.

“Describe what Mr. Cake LOOKS LIKE!” Jules said loudly.

Brett asked “What?” out of fear.

Jules pulled out his Lil Macintosh and pressed the barrel hard in Brett's cheek.

“Say 'What' again!” Jules snapped. “I double dare ya motherbucker, say 'What' one more Celestia damned time!”

“H-He's yellow.” Brett stuttered.

“GO ON!” Jules continued.

“His mane is orange.” Brett replied

“Does he look like a bitch?” Jules asked.

“What?” Brett said without thinking.

Jules fired his Lil Macintosh, and a bullet flew straight into Brett's flank, causing very terrible pain.

“YEAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOW!”

“Does he LOOK LIKE A BITCH?” Jules said with anger.

“NO!” Brett yelled with such agonizing pain.

“Then why did you try to buck him like a bitch, Brett?” Jules asked. “Everybody knows that Mr. Cake doesn't liked to be bucked by anybody except Mrs. Cup Cake.”

“I didn't!” Brett said with utmost fear for his life.

“Yes ya did Brett,” Jules replied. “Ya tried to buck 'im. You ever read the Book of Equestria?”

“Yes.” Brett said.

“Well, there's this passage from an ancient alicorn I have memorized, and it's called Sethisto 25:17.” Jules explained.

“The path of the righteous pony is beset on all sides by the *inequities of friendship, and the tyranny of discord, chaos, and disharmony.** Blessed is he who, in the name of generosity and good will, shepherds the weak through the darkness of Everfree, for he is truly his brony's keeper and the finder of lost fillies. And I will strike down upon thee with great intolerance and furious anger those who attempt to hate and not tolerate my bronies. And you will know my name is Celestia when I cast you to the moon.”*

Without hesitation, Jules and Vincent empty their guns at the same time on the sitting Brett.