A Series of Unfortunate What-if'sby KazleneChaptersMast-a-What?RIP MuffinOrigin of MuffinsTo the Chicken.Mast-a-What?I looked down at the thick text book in front of our three hooves. If we wanted to get medical pony cutie marks, we would need to do research. Unfortunately that textbook we "borrowed" from Golden Oaks Library all seemed to be in that fancy talk. I grimaced remembering my unfortunate case with cutie pox just a few months earlier. As much as that would've come in handy now I wanted no more reminders of that day. I peered down at my hooves. Maybe if we just picked one word and found out the meaning this whole thing could get easier. I peered at the orange Pegasus snoozing next to me, a strand of drool puddling up next to the red binding of the book. I looked to my other side. Sweetie Belle had, from somewhere. pulled out a blue crayon and had started doodling over the funny looking diagrams of some dangling part of pony ana-to-my. I had no idea what that thingy was. I sighed. At this rate we'd never get awesome disease solving cutie marks. I closed my eyes and lifted up my hoof, I was going to randomly select a word and we were going to learn what it meant for ponies sake! Even if it killed us...ok maybe not if it killed us. That might be a tad extreme. I heard a crow let out a haunting caw from above our tree house. I steeled my will and let my hoof circle above the book, hoping I wouldn't accidentally hit one of my oblivious friends. I stomped down my hoof. The thump broke the strand of drool as my orange friends head popped up and felt the pale blue crayon snap under my hoof with a crunch. I peered down at my hoof. Conveniently there happened to be a word that was almost perfectly underlined with my yellow and now blue hoof. I grinned and bushed away a smudge of blue from the word. It was a word I at least had never heard of before and looking at Scootaloo's confused face and Sweetie Belle leaning back to search for another crayon I felt confident that they hadn't heard of it either. "Ok! here's the plan! we are going to ask somepony and find out what this word" I jabbed my hoof down again upon the word when I said this,"means, got it?" Scootaloo saluted me, a serious look on her muzzle and her wings buzzing a mile a minute. She was paying attention. I turned my attention to my white little unicorn friend. "SWEETIE BELLE!" "Wha?" Those pale green orbs peered up at me innocently. I wasn't fooled though. Somehow without letting me feel it she had started drawing all over my flank. I grumbled under my breathe. "Ok, revised plan. We clean up and then we ask somepony what they know about that word." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having washed up in the old metal trough outside my family's barn we all set off in the wagon pulled by Sccotaloo on her new blue scooter. We all agreed against asking any pony in mah family, we knew that would end with the text book thrown out of a window and another family feud between mah two siblings. Supposedly we don't need no fancy educations to run the farm. I jumped as Scootaloo dashed us over a rock in the road. We were almost there. We had figured since Fluttershy was closest and since she was always patching up all those woodland animals she must know what the word meant. Scootaloo got us there in expert time, skidding to a stop just short of crashing into the hen house. I cough as dust rose up from her tires and Sweetie Belle and I tumbled out of there and together the three of us, once we rubbed the dust from our eyes, races up the the wooden door of Fluttershy's home. We almost ran over a mouse or two on the way but all is fair in love and war as Miss Cheerilee said. Scootaloo and I reached the door nearly the same time and together both my yellow and her orange hooves banged against the door. As we heard Miss Fluttershy's soft footsteps near the door we started bouncing in anticipation. Sweetie Belle had already joined us at this point. In an agonizingly slow way the front door creaked open. Through that slight crack we could see that tell tale long pink mane and its matching yellow face. We all burst in to grins. None of us were good with patience and for once we wanted to learn. We leaned forward and as a group we all asked Fluttershy about that mysterious word. We watched as a twitching started in her left eye and her face turn red like one of the red gala apples from the orchards. I grew worried as she started swaying back and forth. Had we said something wrong? I took an anxious step backwards. THUMP. Fluttershy's prone form lay in front of us. I felt kind of worried. What just happened? Did her blood glucose levels drop too low again? "I didn't do it, not this time!" Scootaloo raced back to her vehicle and behind her skipped an oblivious Sweetie Belle. I didn't know what was going on in that filly's head some days. I sighed and gave a backward glance at the body of that soft spoken Pegasus. She had lived a good life. I felt bad for leaving her body behind so prone to the elements but I could already see that devil of a rabbit heading for the doorway, carrot in hand. I bolted. "Run for your lives!" I hollered as I ran at a mad gallop to the already ready scooter and cart. I crashed noggin first into the wagon and Sweetie Belle's soft hooves helped me up as Scootaloo started off. Just in time too. That rascal had started rallying the other animals and a swarm was dispatched after us. "Quick, to Sugar Cube Corner!" I quickly hollered to our lead mare Scootaloo. I knew that with the feud between Gummy and Angel we would be safe there. And maybe we could ask Pinkie Pie about that word. She knew all kind of things Fluttershy didn't after all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once we reached Ponyville main we were able to slow down a bit. Even though she was unable to fly that Scootaloo could easily outrun and outmaneuver any old animal. Even Mootilda or Elizabeak. As we precariously zoomed through the busy market place we tried asking ponies as we passed about that word. I was starting to wonder if it was some sort of terrible, gut rotting, eye oozing disease. Everyone that heard our question passed out in a way similar to Fluttershy. Except of course that wild "Woohoo" I heard Berry Punch, but I think she was drunk off of the adult pony cider again. Scootaloo, with all that wind in her face, didn't notice a thing which I kind of couldn't blame. Sweetie Belle... I face hoofed. I don't know where she got it from but in her adorable little manner was sipping a grape juice box, a purple stain etching a smile upon her lips. However she appeared to notice at least what was going on this time as she glanced between my face and our surroundings. Finally she just settled her eyes on me. "Why so serious?" Everything seemed to get deadly silent and Sweetie Belle just kept her green eyes looked onto my orange eyes. I wanted to leap from the moving cart just to get away. I had no idea what happened but it caused me to get cold, so very cold. "We're here!" I snapped to attention, glad for an excuse to get away. I didn't even bother to unbuckle my solid blue helmet. I don't know what cam over me. Shaking my head clear of that chilling feeling in my head I unbuckled that buckle and threw it straight back into the wagon. Painting a smile across my snout I grinned at Scootaloo. She was already waiting after all at the gingerbread door of the bakery. I glanced behind me where Sweetie Belle was licking the grape stain off around her muzzle with a slurp. "Come on slow pokes!" I galloped up to the amber Pegasus and behind me I could hear joyful clops from the sound of Sweetie Belle's skipping. With out pausing we just burst through the door, the cheerful jingle overhead. We didn't even glance at our surroundings we just headed start for that glorious counter of sweets. Any sweet we could imagine and more was there, all lined up behind that thin layer of drool proof glass. Carmel apple, apple fritters, apple cupcakes, apple pie! It was like a daily Apple Family Reunion, without all the chaos. We stood there, drooling over all those delectable treats for a painful amount of time before a perky voice overhead reminded me of our mission. "Pinkie Pie! Can I have one of your apple cupcakes with the maple glaze?! Pwease?" I gave her my best puppy dog face since I didn't have any bits on me. "I thought our mission was to learn what that one word thingy meant." I turned to Sweetie Belle. How dare she block me from my precious. I glared at her, that innocent little face hiding what I knew to be evil desires. BOP I jerked back to facing Pinkie Pie only to have something... Something maple scented... Block my view. "Thank you! Thank you! Yay!" Pinkie laughed "Think of it as a early birthday present, one hundred twenty three days, eleven hours and thirty six seconds early! Now what did you fillies want to ask you Auntie Pinkie about?" With my mouth full of mapley appley goodness I just let Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle ask this time. Maybe I could grab more cupcakes when she passed out. She didn't. I perked up as that pink chest took a big breathe. "Wellllll.... I probably shouldn't be telling you that. But when a mare or a stallion gets bored by themselves they take a hoof annnn" I watched with even more curiosity as a pair of blue hooves and a pair of orange hooves stretched out from to kitchen door way only to wrap themselves around Pinkie Pie's still talking mouth and drag that thrashing pink body into the abyss of the bakery's kitchen. I gawked at the sight and as I turned to my fellow crusaders ready to declare us mystery investigators, the bell over the door clanged with a frightening amount of volume. "Cutie Mark Crusaders! My lecture sense was tingling!" I stared at the purple mare framed in the doorway. Why didn't we just go to Twilight Sparkle in the first place, she lives in a library! I spoke up first this time, feeling kind of embarrassed we didn't go to her sooner. "We just want to know what this one word," Sweetie Belle cut me off shouting out the word, "meant." "Masticate? Why, that's just another word for chewing, or rather the mechanical grinding process in digestion." RIP Muffin" Eep!" That bright pink strawberry cotton candy tail was tickling right up my nose. "TWITCHY TAILLLL!!! Duck and cover!" screamed the other end of that seemingly endless mass of pink curly hairs. Ponyville, with all of its quirks, was just down right crazy some days. Such as today. Why in the hay did they even have hazmat suits and why in Equestria's green pastures are they necessary for just one of Pinkie's twitchy tails? Even little ol' Tank, that turtle or tortoise pet of Rainbow Dash, was slowly pulling his body inside his shell, all the while humming some little song.I had given up on finding any sort of scientific reasoning or any shred of logic behind these random occurrences. Somewhere through my mind ran a random thought, something about how even a thin blanket could protect me from the upcoming disaster. And that pink friend of mine's ability to foretell these events were just...Argh. I swatted the twitching pink cotton swirl out of my face, unable to properly even think myself into a headache being tickled up my sensitive purple nostrils. In fact it was started to go beyond ticklish and-and-aaahhh... "ACCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!" The stupid fluffy softness battering its way against my sinuses finally got to me. I sneezed, and boy did I sneeze. My head swung back, and my purple mane, normally so neat and straight edged, flopped over my eyes and my proud horn straight into the air like a lance before a jousting tournament. Straight up into the air. Plop. Of course whatever fallen object hit me. Of course my horn happened to be directly in the path of this unidentified flying object. And why do I suddenly smell blueberries. And why is it whenever Pinkie seems to get one of her crazy Pinkie senses it always, always affects me. Something purple and sticky slid past my eyes, almost right in between the two. I stiffened, trying to get both of my perplexed scientific, detail orientated eyes to focus on that, that, oh I hope it's not blueberry juice. It had reached my snout, leaving a dark mulberry purple trail in its wake. I snaked out my tongue, wincing, hoping beyond hope. Oh please Celestia, don't let it be blueberries, oh anything but that. Kumquats, mulberries, boysenberries, raspberries, anything but blueberries. My tongue seemed to reach the trail in slow motion and I watched, through one cracked eye, with a dread heavy heart as the two reached their destinations. My eyes shoot open. It was the dreaded, most villainous of flavors. It was my oldest enemy. Blueberry. How I loathe even just that name, it just speaks loud and clear all the evil that lays inside that innocuous plump little berry. It irked me to no end that no one else, only me, in my great wisdom, could see beyond that thin layer of deep purple skin it uses to disguise its deep, dark, hideous secrets. I was teased endlessly as a filly by all the others, all those fools, but someday they will see, they will see! I reared up, flailing my frontal hooves, trying to knock the offensive object from my horn before its tempting juices seeped into my brain and turned me in to a mind melted drone of evil. It was a muffin. A blueberry muffin. Those...masterminds. Those evil masterminds. They have invaded the baked goods. The muffin fell on to the dusty dirt road of the Ponyville market place, its insulting taunts just glaring at me, they sat they on the tan gold goodness of the muffin, those dark, almost black, circles offset by paler purple stains shadowing each and every villainous berry.. I smashed my hooves down upon their smirking little blueberry faces, smashing their juices into the dust. Crumbs of the muffin flew everywhere, one such chunk hitting me in the right eye. "Die, you treacherous blueberries, die. I will not let you steal upon my friends' souls, not today, not while a still have a breathe to use to fight this battle!" "MUFFFFFIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I grunted, satisfied I had smashed its vessel of evil beyond repair. I used a purple stained hoof to brush off the sweat from my brow, grinning at the sight of the blood of my sworn enemies upon my hooves. I lifted my head to laugh out my victory triumphant, and I noticed a civilian not cowering in fear. In fact she was standing kind of close. A bit too close for comfort. one of her golden eyes, glistening, staring right into my very soul, muffin searching, while her other eye swirled aimlessly about, not focusing on much of anything. " Have you seen my muffin? I think I dropped it. I just don't know what went wrong. I was trying to get it from my bag." I stared at the grey mare, her messy blonde mane shaking back and forth. She wore a wan smile and I got the impression she was trying not to look at the scene of my crime. I felt nervous. Something about those unnerving eyes, well, unnerved me. What if the blueberry lords found a newer more powerful vessel. "Maybe it just fell back in to my bag. I'm kinda clumsy you know." The mare gave me a lopsided grin, showing in her mouth a purple stain tooth of evil. She then turned her head around back and stuck her head in to the navy mail bag hanging on her side. Soon all that could be seen of her head was just her messy mane, even more mussed up by the disorganized searching of her bag. I blinked. Slowly. "...My muffin is not there. Where is my muffin!" The mare's head returned, this time the grin gone, instead murder glistened in those abstract eyes. She lunged. "What did you do with my muffin?!" Her hooves were around my throat, backpedaling became hopeless, I fell down, sending up a cloud of dust. Her hair started crackling with electricity, standing upright, I felt the hairs on the nape of my neck standing up in response to the close promixty of that power. "Twilight Sparkle, my name is Derpy Hooves, you killed my Muffin, prepare to die!" Suddenly the mare collaspes and her gripped laxed. I quickly backed up rubbing with a still stained hoof my neck where she had grabbed me like a possessed she devil. What in the hay was going on. Her head hung low, her straw colored mane blocking any view of her face. and then she looked up. Her face. It looked so much like adorable little Sweetie Belle's puppy dog face that she uses on her older sister Rarity. It was adorable. My heart melted. "Pwease Twilight? I promise if you give me my precious, my muffin, back, I'll stop crashing into you when you are leaving Berry Punch's house in the middle of the night. Pwease?" It dawned on me that the mare seemed to be going through the five stages of grief at an accelerated rate. Over that muffin. She was on bargaining it seemed and next would come....depression. I reassured myself that this whole nonsense would be over soon and then I could get back to my errands for the day and curl up with a good book or give a speech on the dangers of fraternizing with blueberries. After depression came acceptance after all. Holy Celestia, has this mare been taking lessons from Sweetie Belle? First the sweet little puppy dog look and now this. Her tears literally threw me into the wall of the nearest restaurant and pinned me against the wall. I couldn't make out a word she was sniffling over the hydro force of the waves. I hoped beyond hope, more then I ever hoped before, that this stage would pass soon. This pressure was really starting to hurt. "Here ya go!" I've never, ever, been more happy in my life to see Pinkie Pie's bouncing behind. I don't know what she gave that mare but the pressure died sudden as if turned off by a switch. "MUFFIN!" My blood turned cold. Not again. Before I could react Pinkie Pie was next to me, wrapping a foreleg around me and in the same motion turning me in the other direction. " Twilight, what in the name of sugar is with your hatred of blueberries?" "Well, it all started when I was a little filly, still a blank flank..." Origin of MuffinsDerpy closed the legendary text book sitting in front of her, sending up a plume of dust and causing her candlelight to flicker, with a real danger of going out, she didn't notice though. She was too focused on the tome in front of her, the stylized golden muffin glimmering temptingly in the dying flame. This tome was a legend among the most serious of muffin lovers and she alone stood above the rest. The book choose her. And the tale within, it had to be true. Just thinking of the magic within there made her mouth water. She needed to get her hooves on it, its awesome spectacular, awe inspiring taste. Her head snapped up. She needed magic. Time travel magic. Her head scanned the ancient library around her. There had to be something in this musty old room that had time travel. The golden orb eyes flickered through the titles, glowing with fever. The Pegasus skipped over such titles as Ye Olde Dictionary, How Equestria Came to Be; a first hand Guide, Starswirl The Bearded personal diaries; age sixteen, A Dummy's guide to Simple Time Travel. Wait. The mare's head snapped back like a rubber-band, the book whispered silky nothing's into her ear. Horseshoes, shiny and new, clanked against the stone floor of the library as the grey Pegasus trotted slowly over to the bright yellow book. Ears pricked forwards and she reach forward grabbing the thick paper back with her teeth. She wobbled off center for a minute and then trotted back to the desk in the center of the room where her left behind muffin tome of destiny waited. The steadily increasingly dusty mare of grey set the heavy weight Dummy book down upon the dusty antique table. Leaving marks showing where her clumsy, hard to maneuver teeth let the book skid. The cover showed a funny looking pony, drawn with simple triangles and circles. The unicorn on the book jacket stood over a complicated spell circle straight from the pony necromonicon. However the mare seemed unaware of the sinister meanings upon the that innocent sunflower yellow background. Humming some upbeat song and belting out the occasional lyric, each word switch out for the ever holy muffin of course. Slowly the book open to reveal.. Emptiness. The book was hollow. Inside was a simply necklace, a plain wooden dove, carved in a simplistic design, curled around it a fine silver chain, woven so fine. The mare stopped her happy go lucky dog to let out an adorable sqee. Had any other ponies been present in the room, their brains would leak out of their eye sockets, from which their eyes had already leapt out of. Their blood would have turned to sugary rock candy and their liver would simply fail, after all the bizarre can't happen to every body part. That would be just a little silly. Luckily the location of this library was deep within the wild Everfree forest, where no sane person would go, for muffins or otherwise. The grey mare, her mane messed up and covered in dust reached in the fake book and pulled out the necklace. With a happy little hum of pride, the wall eyed mare slipped it on and over her head. She disappeared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Text book the mare known as Derpy Hooves was contained the true tale of the origins of the first muffin. A blueberry muffin to be exact. Created between the three rulers of each of the pony Tribes. Together Chancellor Puddinghead,leader of the Earth ponies, the most resilient, Princess Platinum, monarch of the unicorns, the most intelligent, and finally Commander Hurricane, the supreme chief of the graceful pegasi made this treat in honor of the majestic being who would raise their sun every morning, allowing each race such a bountiful amount of food, the likes of which they had never seen before, even in their old land. And against the advice of the great Wizard Starswirl it told that they added blueberries to the mixture, making it into a combination that would slowly, over time,attract evil and disorder. Not that our mare Derpy read this part, she skimmed over it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I blinked my golden orbs, trying to focus my good eye on my surroundings. I don't m is what had just happened, I just wanted to try the pretty bird necklace. It was the same shade of grey as me. And when I was just a little filly, momma always said I was her little dove. I like doves. I grinned happily forgetting about being confused and lost in a potentially foreign and dangerous land. Remembering said fact of the not knowing where in tartarus I was I actually focused on my surroundings, I sometimes have trouble focusing. Especially when there's cool shiny stuff, like this awesome necklace. I mean it had to have sort of magical mystically power, I definately wasn't in that stuffy old ruin of a library any more. This place was bright and well light, the walls an absolutly glowing white. The windows reached the ceiling, their glass as clear as..as...ok I dont know what metaphor to use for clear glass. It was just really, really clean, ok? In fact it reminded me of the few times I've made special deliveries to the home of the princesses, Canterlot Castle, for the Elements of Harmony. Other than the fact the glass here wasnt all pretty story pictures and...I turned around checking for the throne that was always occupied by the ruler of our Day, Princess Celestia. I locked eyes with the monument in the middle of the room. It wasn't the throne, oh no, though that waas there and unoccupied. I was looking upon that glorious pedastal, ad more importently what sat upon a silver beauty of a platter. Displayed there for all to see, in all of its glory, sat the most wonderful muffin I had every seen. I bowed down before its greatness, how could I dare disrespect it by doing otherwise? I took a step closer, ignoring the warming of thhe pendent around my neck. I was in awe of the legend before me. This had to be the first ever muffin, the one the book spoke of. I cocked my head looking at it. And then I heard voicesk coming from one direction of the room, the side with the tall and wide gold plated doors, not the plain, unmarked wooden one closest to me. I paniced. I lunged forward, in time for the other door to creak, this door slowly opening. I grabbed that still warm beauty in my mouth, already the blueberry juice flavoring my mouth, an explosion of so much flavor I almost dropped it. I didn't have time though. As soon as I grabbed the muffi the necklace I wore heated up beyond the point of being able to ignore it and there was a bright blinding flash, and then suddenly I was back in that stupid old library, but I still had my muffin. So I was happy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Celestia entered through the golden doors, her horn glowing yellow to counter the heavy weight. "Our three tribes worked together to make you a treat as radiant as your summer sun and as delicious and the warm touch of your glorious spring. We call it a ..." Princess Platinum froze, her mouth hanging open, staring at the empty silver platter, the only occupants of the room other than the leaders of the tribes were the goddess Princessess Celestia and Luna. And Luna was standing particurally close to an empty silver platter. Sniffing it in fact. A sleight tick could be seen appearing in Commander Hurricane's left eye. "Luna, my dear sister, what is the meaning of... This?" The Princess of the Sun inquired, her voice terse. "Sister it is not as it looks. I was entering the throne room when a bright light appear at this spot. I- I was just..." The young sister faltered under the glare of her elder. "Were you jealous little one? Is that what this about? Do not lie to me." "Tia! I'm not lying. Honest!" The blue alicorn stepped forward lifting a silver covered hoof out to her sister, jostling the silver platter into falling. The white alicorn regarded the platter quietly, its fall had knocked sweet crumbs into her dear sister's soft fur. The wise ruler was obviously debating something much more serious than a stolen muffin, the three ponies remained hestainatly quiet behind her, the brightly furred earth pony nervously pawing at the fine tile. "My dear sister, I am weary to do this but lately, lately you have been acting off. I would rather it have not come to this but..." Celestia lowered her horn, pointing it directly at her younger sibling. "Sister?" The three smaller ponies gasped at the stream of yellow magic that emitted from their beloved leaders horn. And then As the darkly colored alicorn disappeared the regal white unicorn in the middle of the three fainted right away. "We will not talking about this again, we will say something evil had replaced my sister and that I, wih your help banished the monster where she could not return." And this the leg end of the dreaded Nightmare Moon came to pass, all over a small altercation over the first muffin. To the Chicken.Scootaloo stomped her hooves in frustration upon the wooden planks of the crusaders clubhouse floor. "I am not a chicken!" She squawked, her voice cracking in the middle of the word chicken. Her two friends and fellow crusaders were rolling on the floor in front of her, laughing. Laughing at that stupid, lame drawing that those, those boys, had drawn. Scootaloo, a chicken! The idea was pre- prep... Ugh, the idea was just plain stupid! She buzzed her wings in frustration. "Sorry scootaloo , ah know it ain't true, we both-" Apple Bloom hot the still giggling Sweetie Belle "know it ain't true, but ya gotta admit those Snips and Snails can sure draw a funny picture." I grumbled under my breathe, looking at that Picture. We had found it sitting on our little table in our clubhouse after class. It lay there, drawn on that crumpled piece of paper, taunting me with its messy, crayon written 'SQUAWK' over that orange chicken. It barely even looked like her! And who's ever heard of a orange chicken. And a purple beak? She tried glaring daggers at that scrap of rubbish. Unfortunately nothin came out of her eyes, which she figured could be good. Imagine how much that'd hurt! Anyways, with those daggers failing me, I glare nothingness for a few more seconds before plopping my orange behind upon the cold splintery floor of our handy dandy trusty club house. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to yell at you two. It's just, I'm getting tired of being called a chicken or being teased for being unable to fly. Everyday Rumble and even Featherweight are flying all around, and I heard even little Pound Cake can fly." I let out a huff, blowing a drooping lock of purple mane out of my eyes. " Aw cheer up Scootaloo, with Rainbow Dash giving ya them flying lessons you'll soon out fly all of them!" Apple Bloom said trying to reassure me, her yellow fore hoof draping across my shoulder. "Yea, with ketchup!" Piped up innocent little Sweetie Belle. I burst out laughing at that, soon Apple Bloom did too, her hearty laugh covering mine. The two of us looked at each, my purple eyes meeting her ripe apple orange. We grinned both a mischievous grin, and with a subtle nod... "DOG PILE!!!!" Yellow and orange bodies piled upon the sweet marshmallow body of Sweetie Belle, who upon impact let out on of her famously adorable squeaks, causing both me and my coconspirator Apple Bloom to laugh even harder and attack her poor little body wih tickles! We were so absorbed by our fun we didn't even here the creak of the saggy wooden plank stairs or the rusty hinge squeak of the clubhouse door before- "What in the hay is going on up in here?! Apple Bloom what did I talk to you about just the other day, use protection for Celestia's sake!" Apple Bloom's older sis bellowed from the doorway. For some reason Ape Bloom's face slowly redden until the difference between her mussed up mane and her face could hardly be made. And she let out a squeak almost, but not quite, as adorable as Sweetie Belle's. I decided to speak up " Protection? Whatever for? We were only tickling each other, it wasn't likely we were bear wrestling again." Applejack nervously took a step back, her right hoof nervously running through her ponytail under her ragged hat. Apple Bloom was slowly going back to her normal vivid yellow, and well, Sweetie Belle and I just sat there confused. Normally it was Sweetie Belle's sis, Rarity, who would tell us to wear protection. Even for the boring stuff, like pillow testing. " I'm sorry Applejack if we were too loud, I didn't mean to squeal that loud, I'm really ticklish. I bet I wasn't as loud as your pigs. I've heard them at feeding time, sometimes we can even hear them all the way down in the school house! Could I help feed them sometimes? I bet Rarity wouldn't even let a pig in to her precious boutique, not even one of your special, clean, prize winning pigs!" I stared at Sweetie Belle. All that in one breathe. Boy could that filly ramble, I think if not for the stares she would've continued too. "Well, Ah'll let ya all get back to whatever in the hay you were doing. Apple Bloom, remember our talk now and Ah want you home before dark, ya hear?" Applejack flipped her long, luscious blonde mane over her muscular, well formed shoulder, a bead of sweat having magically formed, just to slowly roll down that prime piece of flesh. And then she just left leaving nothing but some muddy old hoof prints on our floor. "Well.. that was odd." I turned to look back at my friends. Apple Bloom was still red, almost as if she had just turn bright red again, probably from embarrassment from her sister's odd behavior. And Sweetie Belle...Sweetie Belle was trying to catch, with her mouth, a stray lock of hair, kind of like a little puppy chasing after its own tail. I face hoofed. CRASHSHSHSH I looked up from the intricacies of my hoof to see Sweetie Belle, purple and pink tail in the air and her own hind legs in her face, fallen over. She mumbled out some sort of unintelligible jibberish, something along the lines of, I think, "Oh no, I forgot I promised I'd help Rarity with her gem hunting" either that or she was just commenting on the deliciousness of cotton candy mane. I'd eat that mane any day of the week. Apparently it was the first thing and Sweetie Belle ran off, as fast as she could with that blue school bag of hers back to the seam with library books, blergh. And shortly there after Apple Bloom left me too, saying something about trying to get her brother Big Mac to teach her to buck as good as he did. Me, I made up an excuse about just wanting to finish up my homework in the clubhouse, was my thinking spot and all. I claimed. As I drug down my purple feather down sleeping bag from the grasping branches of the very top of the club house tree, I watched as Celestia's sun set and I got an idea. We always try for daytime activity cutie mark, what if mine was something to do with the night! I finished setting up my little bed in the corner and then leaped into preparations. Up in the attic of our clubhouse, yeah we are so cool our attic has a tree house, we still had a bunch of fabric from a bunch of previous activities. I dug around, eventually falling in, whereupon I discovered the secret realm of dust ponies and their treacherous ways, until I can across the darkly colored cloth. Perfect. I draped the cloths across my back and over my wings as I headed over to the little box that held the needles, thread and scissors. I was going to make me a stealth suit. Eyup. I ended up with a cool looking stealth suit and all...but somehow I ended up with bunny ear. I don't even remember cutting out bunny ears. Deciding it still looked pretty epic, about twenty percent more epic then when it was just cloth, I donned it. Actually never mind that, I'm just going to say put the epic outfit of awesomeness on, who even says donned. Tiptoeing out of the tree house like a real ninja warrior I headed towards I looming Everfree forest. With its reputation I'd be sure to get a cutie mark there. I decided to take the path leading by Miss Fluttershy's little cottage, that path after all had the best trees and bushes to duck and cover behind, why I bet I could take that path to the Everfree even on the most crowded, well light day! I paused by Fluttershy's, it looked like something was going on. The chickens were in an uproar and I was surprised Fluttershy was sleeping through it. Maybe a manticore broke into the chicken coop! I could get a cutie mark in dangerous animal taming-y stuff... Meh I just wanted to see what was going on. As stealthily as I could gallop I raced around the side of Fluttershy's cottage, sticking to the bushes so my element of surprise wouldn't be blown. My eyes widened as I heard the voices of my two bestest friends in that din. I stuck my rabbit eared head through the nearest bush, of course a spiny, pokey rose bush and peered upon the mass chaos that was the scene before my very own, disbelieving eyes. It appeared all the chickens in Ponyville, not just Fluttershy own chickens after all, had turned out to be here tonight. patrolling the sides of the crowd was that dastardly villain, Angel Bunny, carrying a hefty carrot like a police pony's nightstick. And if the scene of a mob of arguing chickens wasn't enough to make my mind explode and then slowly melt like ice cream on a hot summer's day, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were at the front. Wearing crowns. As giant chickens. "Quiet my Minions, for tonight we shall feast upon the delectable pony kidneys. For too long have they stolen your eggs, for too long have they feed us simply dried up leftover corn, tonight we will feast!" Crowed the Sweetie Chicken, her pink and purple comb flapping wildly during her speech, and her normally innocent pale pony orbs, beady little birdy eyes were combing the crowd. My left eye had started an uncontrollable twitching and it all came to an end when Miss Fluttershy woke up and stuck her head out of the bedroom window, the blue mane of the most famous pop star, Sapphire Shores behind her. "Um...if you would all mind keeping it done out there...if you don't mind that is...we are trying to sleep." I fainted.
Mast-a-What?I looked down at the thick text book in front of our three hooves. If we wanted to get medical pony cutie marks, we would need to do research. Unfortunately that textbook we "borrowed" from Golden Oaks Library all seemed to be in that fancy talk. I grimaced remembering my unfortunate case with cutie pox just a few months earlier. As much as that would've come in handy now I wanted no more reminders of that day. I peered down at my hooves. Maybe if we just picked one word and found out the meaning this whole thing could get easier. I peered at the orange Pegasus snoozing next to me, a strand of drool puddling up next to the red binding of the book. I looked to my other side. Sweetie Belle had, from somewhere. pulled out a blue crayon and had started doodling over the funny looking diagrams of some dangling part of pony ana-to-my. I had no idea what that thingy was. I sighed. At this rate we'd never get awesome disease solving cutie marks. I closed my eyes and lifted up my hoof, I was going to randomly select a word and we were going to learn what it meant for ponies sake! Even if it killed us...ok maybe not if it killed us. That might be a tad extreme. I heard a crow let out a haunting caw from above our tree house. I steeled my will and let my hoof circle above the book, hoping I wouldn't accidentally hit one of my oblivious friends. I stomped down my hoof. The thump broke the strand of drool as my orange friends head popped up and felt the pale blue crayon snap under my hoof with a crunch. I peered down at my hoof. Conveniently there happened to be a word that was almost perfectly underlined with my yellow and now blue hoof. I grinned and bushed away a smudge of blue from the word. It was a word I at least had never heard of before and looking at Scootaloo's confused face and Sweetie Belle leaning back to search for another crayon I felt confident that they hadn't heard of it either. "Ok! here's the plan! we are going to ask somepony and find out what this word" I jabbed my hoof down again upon the word when I said this,"means, got it?" Scootaloo saluted me, a serious look on her muzzle and her wings buzzing a mile a minute. She was paying attention. I turned my attention to my white little unicorn friend. "SWEETIE BELLE!" "Wha?" Those pale green orbs peered up at me innocently. I wasn't fooled though. Somehow without letting me feel it she had started drawing all over my flank. I grumbled under my breathe. "Ok, revised plan. We clean up and then we ask somepony what they know about that word." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having washed up in the old metal trough outside my family's barn we all set off in the wagon pulled by Sccotaloo on her new blue scooter. We all agreed against asking any pony in mah family, we knew that would end with the text book thrown out of a window and another family feud between mah two siblings. Supposedly we don't need no fancy educations to run the farm. I jumped as Scootaloo dashed us over a rock in the road. We were almost there. We had figured since Fluttershy was closest and since she was always patching up all those woodland animals she must know what the word meant. Scootaloo got us there in expert time, skidding to a stop just short of crashing into the hen house. I cough as dust rose up from her tires and Sweetie Belle and I tumbled out of there and together the three of us, once we rubbed the dust from our eyes, races up the the wooden door of Fluttershy's home. We almost ran over a mouse or two on the way but all is fair in love and war as Miss Cheerilee said. Scootaloo and I reached the door nearly the same time and together both my yellow and her orange hooves banged against the door. As we heard Miss Fluttershy's soft footsteps near the door we started bouncing in anticipation. Sweetie Belle had already joined us at this point. In an agonizingly slow way the front door creaked open. Through that slight crack we could see that tell tale long pink mane and its matching yellow face. We all burst in to grins. None of us were good with patience and for once we wanted to learn. We leaned forward and as a group we all asked Fluttershy about that mysterious word. We watched as a twitching started in her left eye and her face turn red like one of the red gala apples from the orchards. I grew worried as she started swaying back and forth. Had we said something wrong? I took an anxious step backwards. THUMP. Fluttershy's prone form lay in front of us. I felt kind of worried. What just happened? Did her blood glucose levels drop too low again? "I didn't do it, not this time!" Scootaloo raced back to her vehicle and behind her skipped an oblivious Sweetie Belle. I didn't know what was going on in that filly's head some days. I sighed and gave a backward glance at the body of that soft spoken Pegasus. She had lived a good life. I felt bad for leaving her body behind so prone to the elements but I could already see that devil of a rabbit heading for the doorway, carrot in hand. I bolted. "Run for your lives!" I hollered as I ran at a mad gallop to the already ready scooter and cart. I crashed noggin first into the wagon and Sweetie Belle's soft hooves helped me up as Scootaloo started off. Just in time too. That rascal had started rallying the other animals and a swarm was dispatched after us. "Quick, to Sugar Cube Corner!" I quickly hollered to our lead mare Scootaloo. I knew that with the feud between Gummy and Angel we would be safe there. And maybe we could ask Pinkie Pie about that word. She knew all kind of things Fluttershy didn't after all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once we reached Ponyville main we were able to slow down a bit. Even though she was unable to fly that Scootaloo could easily outrun and outmaneuver any old animal. Even Mootilda or Elizabeak. As we precariously zoomed through the busy market place we tried asking ponies as we passed about that word. I was starting to wonder if it was some sort of terrible, gut rotting, eye oozing disease. Everyone that heard our question passed out in a way similar to Fluttershy. Except of course that wild "Woohoo" I heard Berry Punch, but I think she was drunk off of the adult pony cider again. Scootaloo, with all that wind in her face, didn't notice a thing which I kind of couldn't blame. Sweetie Belle... I face hoofed. I don't know where she got it from but in her adorable little manner was sipping a grape juice box, a purple stain etching a smile upon her lips. However she appeared to notice at least what was going on this time as she glanced between my face and our surroundings. Finally she just settled her eyes on me. "Why so serious?" Everything seemed to get deadly silent and Sweetie Belle just kept her green eyes looked onto my orange eyes. I wanted to leap from the moving cart just to get away. I had no idea what happened but it caused me to get cold, so very cold. "We're here!" I snapped to attention, glad for an excuse to get away. I didn't even bother to unbuckle my solid blue helmet. I don't know what cam over me. Shaking my head clear of that chilling feeling in my head I unbuckled that buckle and threw it straight back into the wagon. Painting a smile across my snout I grinned at Scootaloo. She was already waiting after all at the gingerbread door of the bakery. I glanced behind me where Sweetie Belle was licking the grape stain off around her muzzle with a slurp. "Come on slow pokes!" I galloped up to the amber Pegasus and behind me I could hear joyful clops from the sound of Sweetie Belle's skipping. With out pausing we just burst through the door, the cheerful jingle overhead. We didn't even glance at our surroundings we just headed start for that glorious counter of sweets. Any sweet we could imagine and more was there, all lined up behind that thin layer of drool proof glass. Carmel apple, apple fritters, apple cupcakes, apple pie! It was like a daily Apple Family Reunion, without all the chaos. We stood there, drooling over all those delectable treats for a painful amount of time before a perky voice overhead reminded me of our mission. "Pinkie Pie! Can I have one of your apple cupcakes with the maple glaze?! Pwease?" I gave her my best puppy dog face since I didn't have any bits on me. "I thought our mission was to learn what that one word thingy meant." I turned to Sweetie Belle. How dare she block me from my precious. I glared at her, that innocent little face hiding what I knew to be evil desires. BOP I jerked back to facing Pinkie Pie only to have something... Something maple scented... Block my view. "Thank you! Thank you! Yay!" Pinkie laughed "Think of it as a early birthday present, one hundred twenty three days, eleven hours and thirty six seconds early! Now what did you fillies want to ask you Auntie Pinkie about?" With my mouth full of mapley appley goodness I just let Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle ask this time. Maybe I could grab more cupcakes when she passed out. She didn't. I perked up as that pink chest took a big breathe. "Wellllll.... I probably shouldn't be telling you that. But when a mare or a stallion gets bored by themselves they take a hoof annnn" I watched with even more curiosity as a pair of blue hooves and a pair of orange hooves stretched out from to kitchen door way only to wrap themselves around Pinkie Pie's still talking mouth and drag that thrashing pink body into the abyss of the bakery's kitchen. I gawked at the sight and as I turned to my fellow crusaders ready to declare us mystery investigators, the bell over the door clanged with a frightening amount of volume. "Cutie Mark Crusaders! My lecture sense was tingling!" I stared at the purple mare framed in the doorway. Why didn't we just go to Twilight Sparkle in the first place, she lives in a library! I spoke up first this time, feeling kind of embarrassed we didn't go to her sooner. "We just want to know what this one word," Sweetie Belle cut me off shouting out the word, "meant." "Masticate? Why, that's just another word for chewing, or rather the mechanical grinding process in digestion."
RIP Muffin" Eep!" That bright pink strawberry cotton candy tail was tickling right up my nose. "TWITCHY TAILLLL!!! Duck and cover!" screamed the other end of that seemingly endless mass of pink curly hairs. Ponyville, with all of its quirks, was just down right crazy some days. Such as today. Why in the hay did they even have hazmat suits and why in Equestria's green pastures are they necessary for just one of Pinkie's twitchy tails? Even little ol' Tank, that turtle or tortoise pet of Rainbow Dash, was slowly pulling his body inside his shell, all the while humming some little song.I had given up on finding any sort of scientific reasoning or any shred of logic behind these random occurrences. Somewhere through my mind ran a random thought, something about how even a thin blanket could protect me from the upcoming disaster. And that pink friend of mine's ability to foretell these events were just...Argh. I swatted the twitching pink cotton swirl out of my face, unable to properly even think myself into a headache being tickled up my sensitive purple nostrils. In fact it was started to go beyond ticklish and-and-aaahhh... "ACCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!" The stupid fluffy softness battering its way against my sinuses finally got to me. I sneezed, and boy did I sneeze. My head swung back, and my purple mane, normally so neat and straight edged, flopped over my eyes and my proud horn straight into the air like a lance before a jousting tournament. Straight up into the air. Plop. Of course whatever fallen object hit me. Of course my horn happened to be directly in the path of this unidentified flying object. And why do I suddenly smell blueberries. And why is it whenever Pinkie seems to get one of her crazy Pinkie senses it always, always affects me. Something purple and sticky slid past my eyes, almost right in between the two. I stiffened, trying to get both of my perplexed scientific, detail orientated eyes to focus on that, that, oh I hope it's not blueberry juice. It had reached my snout, leaving a dark mulberry purple trail in its wake. I snaked out my tongue, wincing, hoping beyond hope. Oh please Celestia, don't let it be blueberries, oh anything but that. Kumquats, mulberries, boysenberries, raspberries, anything but blueberries. My tongue seemed to reach the trail in slow motion and I watched, through one cracked eye, with a dread heavy heart as the two reached their destinations. My eyes shoot open. It was the dreaded, most villainous of flavors. It was my oldest enemy. Blueberry. How I loathe even just that name, it just speaks loud and clear all the evil that lays inside that innocuous plump little berry. It irked me to no end that no one else, only me, in my great wisdom, could see beyond that thin layer of deep purple skin it uses to disguise its deep, dark, hideous secrets. I was teased endlessly as a filly by all the others, all those fools, but someday they will see, they will see! I reared up, flailing my frontal hooves, trying to knock the offensive object from my horn before its tempting juices seeped into my brain and turned me in to a mind melted drone of evil. It was a muffin. A blueberry muffin. Those...masterminds. Those evil masterminds. They have invaded the baked goods. The muffin fell on to the dusty dirt road of the Ponyville market place, its insulting taunts just glaring at me, they sat they on the tan gold goodness of the muffin, those dark, almost black, circles offset by paler purple stains shadowing each and every villainous berry.. I smashed my hooves down upon their smirking little blueberry faces, smashing their juices into the dust. Crumbs of the muffin flew everywhere, one such chunk hitting me in the right eye. "Die, you treacherous blueberries, die. I will not let you steal upon my friends' souls, not today, not while a still have a breathe to use to fight this battle!" "MUFFFFFIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I grunted, satisfied I had smashed its vessel of evil beyond repair. I used a purple stained hoof to brush off the sweat from my brow, grinning at the sight of the blood of my sworn enemies upon my hooves. I lifted my head to laugh out my victory triumphant, and I noticed a civilian not cowering in fear. In fact she was standing kind of close. A bit too close for comfort. one of her golden eyes, glistening, staring right into my very soul, muffin searching, while her other eye swirled aimlessly about, not focusing on much of anything. " Have you seen my muffin? I think I dropped it. I just don't know what went wrong. I was trying to get it from my bag." I stared at the grey mare, her messy blonde mane shaking back and forth. She wore a wan smile and I got the impression she was trying not to look at the scene of my crime. I felt nervous. Something about those unnerving eyes, well, unnerved me. What if the blueberry lords found a newer more powerful vessel. "Maybe it just fell back in to my bag. I'm kinda clumsy you know." The mare gave me a lopsided grin, showing in her mouth a purple stain tooth of evil. She then turned her head around back and stuck her head in to the navy mail bag hanging on her side. Soon all that could be seen of her head was just her messy mane, even more mussed up by the disorganized searching of her bag. I blinked. Slowly. "...My muffin is not there. Where is my muffin!" The mare's head returned, this time the grin gone, instead murder glistened in those abstract eyes. She lunged. "What did you do with my muffin?!" Her hooves were around my throat, backpedaling became hopeless, I fell down, sending up a cloud of dust. Her hair started crackling with electricity, standing upright, I felt the hairs on the nape of my neck standing up in response to the close promixty of that power. "Twilight Sparkle, my name is Derpy Hooves, you killed my Muffin, prepare to die!" Suddenly the mare collaspes and her gripped laxed. I quickly backed up rubbing with a still stained hoof my neck where she had grabbed me like a possessed she devil. What in the hay was going on. Her head hung low, her straw colored mane blocking any view of her face. and then she looked up. Her face. It looked so much like adorable little Sweetie Belle's puppy dog face that she uses on her older sister Rarity. It was adorable. My heart melted. "Pwease Twilight? I promise if you give me my precious, my muffin, back, I'll stop crashing into you when you are leaving Berry Punch's house in the middle of the night. Pwease?" It dawned on me that the mare seemed to be going through the five stages of grief at an accelerated rate. Over that muffin. She was on bargaining it seemed and next would come....depression. I reassured myself that this whole nonsense would be over soon and then I could get back to my errands for the day and curl up with a good book or give a speech on the dangers of fraternizing with blueberries. After depression came acceptance after all. Holy Celestia, has this mare been taking lessons from Sweetie Belle? First the sweet little puppy dog look and now this. Her tears literally threw me into the wall of the nearest restaurant and pinned me against the wall. I couldn't make out a word she was sniffling over the hydro force of the waves. I hoped beyond hope, more then I ever hoped before, that this stage would pass soon. This pressure was really starting to hurt. "Here ya go!" I've never, ever, been more happy in my life to see Pinkie Pie's bouncing behind. I don't know what she gave that mare but the pressure died sudden as if turned off by a switch. "MUFFIN!" My blood turned cold. Not again. Before I could react Pinkie Pie was next to me, wrapping a foreleg around me and in the same motion turning me in the other direction. " Twilight, what in the name of sugar is with your hatred of blueberries?" "Well, it all started when I was a little filly, still a blank flank..."
Origin of MuffinsDerpy closed the legendary text book sitting in front of her, sending up a plume of dust and causing her candlelight to flicker, with a real danger of going out, she didn't notice though. She was too focused on the tome in front of her, the stylized golden muffin glimmering temptingly in the dying flame. This tome was a legend among the most serious of muffin lovers and she alone stood above the rest. The book choose her. And the tale within, it had to be true. Just thinking of the magic within there made her mouth water. She needed to get her hooves on it, its awesome spectacular, awe inspiring taste. Her head snapped up. She needed magic. Time travel magic. Her head scanned the ancient library around her. There had to be something in this musty old room that had time travel. The golden orb eyes flickered through the titles, glowing with fever. The Pegasus skipped over such titles as Ye Olde Dictionary, How Equestria Came to Be; a first hand Guide, Starswirl The Bearded personal diaries; age sixteen, A Dummy's guide to Simple Time Travel. Wait. The mare's head snapped back like a rubber-band, the book whispered silky nothing's into her ear. Horseshoes, shiny and new, clanked against the stone floor of the library as the grey Pegasus trotted slowly over to the bright yellow book. Ears pricked forwards and she reach forward grabbing the thick paper back with her teeth. She wobbled off center for a minute and then trotted back to the desk in the center of the room where her left behind muffin tome of destiny waited. The steadily increasingly dusty mare of grey set the heavy weight Dummy book down upon the dusty antique table. Leaving marks showing where her clumsy, hard to maneuver teeth let the book skid. The cover showed a funny looking pony, drawn with simple triangles and circles. The unicorn on the book jacket stood over a complicated spell circle straight from the pony necromonicon. However the mare seemed unaware of the sinister meanings upon the that innocent sunflower yellow background. Humming some upbeat song and belting out the occasional lyric, each word switch out for the ever holy muffin of course. Slowly the book open to reveal.. Emptiness. The book was hollow. Inside was a simply necklace, a plain wooden dove, carved in a simplistic design, curled around it a fine silver chain, woven so fine. The mare stopped her happy go lucky dog to let out an adorable sqee. Had any other ponies been present in the room, their brains would leak out of their eye sockets, from which their eyes had already leapt out of. Their blood would have turned to sugary rock candy and their liver would simply fail, after all the bizarre can't happen to every body part. That would be just a little silly. Luckily the location of this library was deep within the wild Everfree forest, where no sane person would go, for muffins or otherwise. The grey mare, her mane messed up and covered in dust reached in the fake book and pulled out the necklace. With a happy little hum of pride, the wall eyed mare slipped it on and over her head. She disappeared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Text book the mare known as Derpy Hooves was contained the true tale of the origins of the first muffin. A blueberry muffin to be exact. Created between the three rulers of each of the pony Tribes. Together Chancellor Puddinghead,leader of the Earth ponies, the most resilient, Princess Platinum, monarch of the unicorns, the most intelligent, and finally Commander Hurricane, the supreme chief of the graceful pegasi made this treat in honor of the majestic being who would raise their sun every morning, allowing each race such a bountiful amount of food, the likes of which they had never seen before, even in their old land. And against the advice of the great Wizard Starswirl it told that they added blueberries to the mixture, making it into a combination that would slowly, over time,attract evil and disorder. Not that our mare Derpy read this part, she skimmed over it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I blinked my golden orbs, trying to focus my good eye on my surroundings. I don't m is what had just happened, I just wanted to try the pretty bird necklace. It was the same shade of grey as me. And when I was just a little filly, momma always said I was her little dove. I like doves. I grinned happily forgetting about being confused and lost in a potentially foreign and dangerous land. Remembering said fact of the not knowing where in tartarus I was I actually focused on my surroundings, I sometimes have trouble focusing. Especially when there's cool shiny stuff, like this awesome necklace. I mean it had to have sort of magical mystically power, I definately wasn't in that stuffy old ruin of a library any more. This place was bright and well light, the walls an absolutly glowing white. The windows reached the ceiling, their glass as clear as..as...ok I dont know what metaphor to use for clear glass. It was just really, really clean, ok? In fact it reminded me of the few times I've made special deliveries to the home of the princesses, Canterlot Castle, for the Elements of Harmony. Other than the fact the glass here wasnt all pretty story pictures and...I turned around checking for the throne that was always occupied by the ruler of our Day, Princess Celestia. I locked eyes with the monument in the middle of the room. It wasn't the throne, oh no, though that waas there and unoccupied. I was looking upon that glorious pedastal, ad more importently what sat upon a silver beauty of a platter. Displayed there for all to see, in all of its glory, sat the most wonderful muffin I had every seen. I bowed down before its greatness, how could I dare disrespect it by doing otherwise? I took a step closer, ignoring the warming of thhe pendent around my neck. I was in awe of the legend before me. This had to be the first ever muffin, the one the book spoke of. I cocked my head looking at it. And then I heard voicesk coming from one direction of the room, the side with the tall and wide gold plated doors, not the plain, unmarked wooden one closest to me. I paniced. I lunged forward, in time for the other door to creak, this door slowly opening. I grabbed that still warm beauty in my mouth, already the blueberry juice flavoring my mouth, an explosion of so much flavor I almost dropped it. I didn't have time though. As soon as I grabbed the muffi the necklace I wore heated up beyond the point of being able to ignore it and there was a bright blinding flash, and then suddenly I was back in that stupid old library, but I still had my muffin. So I was happy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Celestia entered through the golden doors, her horn glowing yellow to counter the heavy weight. "Our three tribes worked together to make you a treat as radiant as your summer sun and as delicious and the warm touch of your glorious spring. We call it a ..." Princess Platinum froze, her mouth hanging open, staring at the empty silver platter, the only occupants of the room other than the leaders of the tribes were the goddess Princessess Celestia and Luna. And Luna was standing particurally close to an empty silver platter. Sniffing it in fact. A sleight tick could be seen appearing in Commander Hurricane's left eye. "Luna, my dear sister, what is the meaning of... This?" The Princess of the Sun inquired, her voice terse. "Sister it is not as it looks. I was entering the throne room when a bright light appear at this spot. I- I was just..." The young sister faltered under the glare of her elder. "Were you jealous little one? Is that what this about? Do not lie to me." "Tia! I'm not lying. Honest!" The blue alicorn stepped forward lifting a silver covered hoof out to her sister, jostling the silver platter into falling. The white alicorn regarded the platter quietly, its fall had knocked sweet crumbs into her dear sister's soft fur. The wise ruler was obviously debating something much more serious than a stolen muffin, the three ponies remained hestainatly quiet behind her, the brightly furred earth pony nervously pawing at the fine tile. "My dear sister, I am weary to do this but lately, lately you have been acting off. I would rather it have not come to this but..." Celestia lowered her horn, pointing it directly at her younger sibling. "Sister?" The three smaller ponies gasped at the stream of yellow magic that emitted from their beloved leaders horn. And then As the darkly colored alicorn disappeared the regal white unicorn in the middle of the three fainted right away. "We will not talking about this again, we will say something evil had replaced my sister and that I, wih your help banished the monster where she could not return." And this the leg end of the dreaded Nightmare Moon came to pass, all over a small altercation over the first muffin.
To the Chicken.Scootaloo stomped her hooves in frustration upon the wooden planks of the crusaders clubhouse floor. "I am not a chicken!" She squawked, her voice cracking in the middle of the word chicken. Her two friends and fellow crusaders were rolling on the floor in front of her, laughing. Laughing at that stupid, lame drawing that those, those boys, had drawn. Scootaloo, a chicken! The idea was pre- prep... Ugh, the idea was just plain stupid! She buzzed her wings in frustration. "Sorry scootaloo , ah know it ain't true, we both-" Apple Bloom hot the still giggling Sweetie Belle "know it ain't true, but ya gotta admit those Snips and Snails can sure draw a funny picture." I grumbled under my breathe, looking at that Picture. We had found it sitting on our little table in our clubhouse after class. It lay there, drawn on that crumpled piece of paper, taunting me with its messy, crayon written 'SQUAWK' over that orange chicken. It barely even looked like her! And who's ever heard of a orange chicken. And a purple beak? She tried glaring daggers at that scrap of rubbish. Unfortunately nothin came out of her eyes, which she figured could be good. Imagine how much that'd hurt! Anyways, with those daggers failing me, I glare nothingness for a few more seconds before plopping my orange behind upon the cold splintery floor of our handy dandy trusty club house. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to yell at you two. It's just, I'm getting tired of being called a chicken or being teased for being unable to fly. Everyday Rumble and even Featherweight are flying all around, and I heard even little Pound Cake can fly." I let out a huff, blowing a drooping lock of purple mane out of my eyes. " Aw cheer up Scootaloo, with Rainbow Dash giving ya them flying lessons you'll soon out fly all of them!" Apple Bloom said trying to reassure me, her yellow fore hoof draping across my shoulder. "Yea, with ketchup!" Piped up innocent little Sweetie Belle. I burst out laughing at that, soon Apple Bloom did too, her hearty laugh covering mine. The two of us looked at each, my purple eyes meeting her ripe apple orange. We grinned both a mischievous grin, and with a subtle nod... "DOG PILE!!!!" Yellow and orange bodies piled upon the sweet marshmallow body of Sweetie Belle, who upon impact let out on of her famously adorable squeaks, causing both me and my coconspirator Apple Bloom to laugh even harder and attack her poor little body wih tickles! We were so absorbed by our fun we didn't even here the creak of the saggy wooden plank stairs or the rusty hinge squeak of the clubhouse door before- "What in the hay is going on up in here?! Apple Bloom what did I talk to you about just the other day, use protection for Celestia's sake!" Apple Bloom's older sis bellowed from the doorway. For some reason Ape Bloom's face slowly redden until the difference between her mussed up mane and her face could hardly be made. And she let out a squeak almost, but not quite, as adorable as Sweetie Belle's. I decided to speak up " Protection? Whatever for? We were only tickling each other, it wasn't likely we were bear wrestling again." Applejack nervously took a step back, her right hoof nervously running through her ponytail under her ragged hat. Apple Bloom was slowly going back to her normal vivid yellow, and well, Sweetie Belle and I just sat there confused. Normally it was Sweetie Belle's sis, Rarity, who would tell us to wear protection. Even for the boring stuff, like pillow testing. " I'm sorry Applejack if we were too loud, I didn't mean to squeal that loud, I'm really ticklish. I bet I wasn't as loud as your pigs. I've heard them at feeding time, sometimes we can even hear them all the way down in the school house! Could I help feed them sometimes? I bet Rarity wouldn't even let a pig in to her precious boutique, not even one of your special, clean, prize winning pigs!" I stared at Sweetie Belle. All that in one breathe. Boy could that filly ramble, I think if not for the stares she would've continued too. "Well, Ah'll let ya all get back to whatever in the hay you were doing. Apple Bloom, remember our talk now and Ah want you home before dark, ya hear?" Applejack flipped her long, luscious blonde mane over her muscular, well formed shoulder, a bead of sweat having magically formed, just to slowly roll down that prime piece of flesh. And then she just left leaving nothing but some muddy old hoof prints on our floor. "Well.. that was odd." I turned to look back at my friends. Apple Bloom was still red, almost as if she had just turn bright red again, probably from embarrassment from her sister's odd behavior. And Sweetie Belle...Sweetie Belle was trying to catch, with her mouth, a stray lock of hair, kind of like a little puppy chasing after its own tail. I face hoofed. CRASHSHSHSH I looked up from the intricacies of my hoof to see Sweetie Belle, purple and pink tail in the air and her own hind legs in her face, fallen over. She mumbled out some sort of unintelligible jibberish, something along the lines of, I think, "Oh no, I forgot I promised I'd help Rarity with her gem hunting" either that or she was just commenting on the deliciousness of cotton candy mane. I'd eat that mane any day of the week. Apparently it was the first thing and Sweetie Belle ran off, as fast as she could with that blue school bag of hers back to the seam with library books, blergh. And shortly there after Apple Bloom left me too, saying something about trying to get her brother Big Mac to teach her to buck as good as he did. Me, I made up an excuse about just wanting to finish up my homework in the clubhouse, was my thinking spot and all. I claimed. As I drug down my purple feather down sleeping bag from the grasping branches of the very top of the club house tree, I watched as Celestia's sun set and I got an idea. We always try for daytime activity cutie mark, what if mine was something to do with the night! I finished setting up my little bed in the corner and then leaped into preparations. Up in the attic of our clubhouse, yeah we are so cool our attic has a tree house, we still had a bunch of fabric from a bunch of previous activities. I dug around, eventually falling in, whereupon I discovered the secret realm of dust ponies and their treacherous ways, until I can across the darkly colored cloth. Perfect. I draped the cloths across my back and over my wings as I headed over to the little box that held the needles, thread and scissors. I was going to make me a stealth suit. Eyup. I ended up with a cool looking stealth suit and all...but somehow I ended up with bunny ear. I don't even remember cutting out bunny ears. Deciding it still looked pretty epic, about twenty percent more epic then when it was just cloth, I donned it. Actually never mind that, I'm just going to say put the epic outfit of awesomeness on, who even says donned. Tiptoeing out of the tree house like a real ninja warrior I headed towards I looming Everfree forest. With its reputation I'd be sure to get a cutie mark there. I decided to take the path leading by Miss Fluttershy's little cottage, that path after all had the best trees and bushes to duck and cover behind, why I bet I could take that path to the Everfree even on the most crowded, well light day! I paused by Fluttershy's, it looked like something was going on. The chickens were in an uproar and I was surprised Fluttershy was sleeping through it. Maybe a manticore broke into the chicken coop! I could get a cutie mark in dangerous animal taming-y stuff... Meh I just wanted to see what was going on. As stealthily as I could gallop I raced around the side of Fluttershy's cottage, sticking to the bushes so my element of surprise wouldn't be blown. My eyes widened as I heard the voices of my two bestest friends in that din. I stuck my rabbit eared head through the nearest bush, of course a spiny, pokey rose bush and peered upon the mass chaos that was the scene before my very own, disbelieving eyes. It appeared all the chickens in Ponyville, not just Fluttershy own chickens after all, had turned out to be here tonight. patrolling the sides of the crowd was that dastardly villain, Angel Bunny, carrying a hefty carrot like a police pony's nightstick. And if the scene of a mob of arguing chickens wasn't enough to make my mind explode and then slowly melt like ice cream on a hot summer's day, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were at the front. Wearing crowns. As giant chickens. "Quiet my Minions, for tonight we shall feast upon the delectable pony kidneys. For too long have they stolen your eggs, for too long have they feed us simply dried up leftover corn, tonight we will feast!" Crowed the Sweetie Chicken, her pink and purple comb flapping wildly during her speech, and her normally innocent pale pony orbs, beady little birdy eyes were combing the crowd. My left eye had started an uncontrollable twitching and it all came to an end when Miss Fluttershy woke up and stuck her head out of the bedroom window, the blue mane of the most famous pop star, Sapphire Shores behind her. "Um...if you would all mind keeping it done out there...if you don't mind that is...we are trying to sleep." I fainted.
