Celestia and Luna's Completely Average Day

by Nyronus

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 14917

An ancient and terrible demon marches on Ponyville... and only Luna seems to care.

A relatively normal day is disrupted when Luna learns that Orcus, the Demon Prince of Undeath, has escaped from Tartarus and is making his bid for conquest, starting with Ponyville. More horrifying though... is that fact that only she seems to care. Time is of the essence, and no one, Celestia included, seems worried about the impending disaster. Will Luna be able to rally the army, shake the citizens of Canterlot from their strange apathy, and save the day?

No. No she will not.

Everypony in this town is crazy.

(Special thanks to my Prereaders, many of whom do not have accounts, for convincing me this fic didn't suck. Also, thanks to Danmakuman for the cover art!)

Published 2012-12-11 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-11 05:00:01 UTC

Celestia and Luna's Completely Average Day

Celestia and Luna's Completely Average Day

It was a beautiful morning in Canterlot. The mid-morning sun turned the sky of the early day gold while its rays gently brushed over the architecture of the city, like the feathers of a pegasus’s wing gently resting on the back of a lover or a foal. Luna appreciated the sight of course, but that did not keep her face from being sore from squinting and blinking constantly through the admittedly tedious ceremony. As she walked under the shaded pavilion to begin the traditional hob-knobbing, the feeling of tension around her eyes releasing was like a splash of fresh cool water on a summer day.

Luna was awake this day to help Celestia commemorate the opening of a wing of her School for Gifted Unicorns. When Luna had first returned, Celestia had insisted that she attend every such function she could as a way to integrate herself socially. These worked to build up Luna’s confidence by being seen, and not taken at first glance as a monster, of course. Unfortunately, Luna’s shyness and anxiety had done little to allow her to flex her rusty social skills, much to her embarrassment when she took the initiative on Nightmare Night a few months past. Since that... incident, Celestia had stopped insisting that Luna attend these trivial events, confident her little sister could find her own way. Luna still attended them anyway, mostly just to make Tia happy. Celestia liked seeing her sister relaxed and happy in a relatively normal-- for them-- social situation, and Luna would be hard pressed not to admit that she, herself, enjoyed the simple pleasure of being respected by her fellow ponies without having to terrorize them with an apocalyptic hissy fit. Luna had to repress something of a giggle and a stupid grin at the realization that she had grown enough to make light of her own tragedy.

No, besides a somewhat uninteresting speech and having to squint into her sister’s sun for an hour and a half, the morning was going well for Luna.

“You know,” Fancypants went on, “I was an alumnus of this place. It holds some fond memories for me. The knowledge I learned, the friendships I made.” He paused to take a drink of light champagne caught in his pale yellow telekinetic grip. “... the fires those friends started. Do they still have that hole in the back of the Clover lab wing?”

“I would not be the one to ask, my Lord Fancypants,” Luna replied.

“Oh well, probably not.” His face settled into a somewhat wry grin. “I do hope Professor Blue Beam recovered from the trauma we gave her. Either way, it was a pleasure to speak to you again Princess of the Night.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Lord Fancypants, and once again on behalf of my sister I want to thank you for the generous donations to the school.”

“In that, the pleasure was all mine,” He replied. “Until we meet again, Princess Luna.” With that, the unicorn stallion bowed gracefully, and walked back into the crowd, his super-model of a mistress in tow.

Luna smiled to herself and scanned the crowd lazily, waiting for another high-society philanthropist to walk up and chat with her. Fancypants, with the way he could casually be both refined and just a little dryly uncouth, was always a pleasure to chat with. The others could range from polite and witty, to bores, to boars with titles. Luna had to just sigh and bear it. It was the price of being social.

Something drew Luna out of her musings though. As she swept the crowd she noticed something. Celestia was missing. It took her a second of rapid searching to see the aurora of her sister’s tail vanish around the corner of the building the pavilion was set next to.

“My dear Princess-“ a unicorn stallion began suddenly beside her.

She turned to him and gave him a polite smile.

“I am sorry my lord. I must attend to something presently. Excuse me for a moment,” she said, cutting him short before trotting through the crowd after her sister. The crowd was polite enough to not notice.

Luna walked out into the beautiful but bright sunlight and out over the grass towards the edge of the new brick building. Peering around the corner she found her sister finishing a hushed conversation with a light green pegasus wearing the regalia of a royal courier. Celestia seemed to finish speaking, and then the pegasus nodded sharply and bowed, before turning around and taking off into the air. Luna watched, curious, as the pegasus banked and then flew... towards another section of the campus.

“Luna?” Celestia asked, suddenly.

Luna blinked, snapping her heard back down to see her older sister looking at her with that eternal welcoming calm she always wore on her face.

“I am sorry if I intruded sister,” Luna began, walking back behind the wall fully. “I saw you vanish and was merely curious as to what you found to be more pressing than sitting on your rump, receiving the same three conversations over and over again.” Luna expected her sister to chide her for her sarcasm, or to giggle. Instead, Celestia tilted her head to the side, her face in a slight frown while staring at the ground as if contemplating something.

“It was just some news I received,” Celestia began, her serenity returning. “Orcus, Demon Prince of Undeath and Entropy has freed himself from Tartarus and is currently leading his undead forces through the Everfree, slaying and enslaving everything in his path.”

Luna’s stomach was kindly informing her, despite other evidence to the contrary, that the entire planet had gone into a tailspin. A chill sweat broke out all over her body, as every single muscle in her tensed for a split second in abject terror. Every last thought was suddenly blasted from her mind as she experienced raw shock. Then, suddenly, feeling came crashing back into her, and she let out a bellowing, let’s not mince words here, hysterical laugh.

“I get it,” Luna said, gasping and panting as her laughter finally died down. “I get it. Good one Tia. I deserved that for poking into your business.”

“I wasn’t kidding.”

Luna looked up from the ground and locked eyes with her sister. Celestia still had that eternal serene smile. Luna’s face quickly turned into a sour frown.

“That’s not funny sister.”

“No, it isn’t. Hence why I wouldn’t joke about it.” Celestia maintained her smile. A chill began crawling down Luna’s spine as she began to realize that her sister was not, in fact, kidding.

“Curse the stars,” she hissed. She stood up then. “I had hoped the Blight War would be the last we had seen of the red fiend. Oh well then, fate is as fate does.”

“Luna.”

“If we act fast we can stop him in his tracks. If he is in the Everfree gathering troops, that means that he does not have his army with him-“

“Luna.”

“-can gather the Elements of Harmony now and using our magic, send our best forces out in a strike force. If we can strike him while he’s still vulnerable we can avert this whole disaster before it happens. Now I think the Serpent’s Pass-“

“Luna.”

“-an ambush. Of course we should send the rest of our regular troops to help evacuate Ponyville and set up a secondary line of defense on the Everfree border. Perhaps your mages can come in and set some fire-“

“Luna.”

Luna, who had been staring at the ground while pacing and rambling out plans stopped suddenly and snapped her head up to look at her sister. Celestia did not shout so much as give her voice an emphasis of command. Her face was still stuck in that now confusingly ineffable serene grin. Celestia gracefully sauntered up to Luna and placed the one wing on her sister’s shoulder, beaming serenely.

“Luna,” she repeated, “Relax.”

And with that, Celestia turned away from her sister, retracting the wing in the process, and quietly walked away.

There was a moment of silence hanging beside the building as Luna was left alone.

“...”

“WHAT?!”

~*~*~

Luna her head low and her face twisted into a nervous grin managed to catch up with her sister at the hors d'oeuvres table. Celestia had a look of filly like glee as she consumed a light piece of chocolate cake while some dignitary or investor from somewhere or somepony prattled on about something not nearly as important as the Lord of the Unborn leading a rampage of destruction through the southern borders of Equestria. Luna, her legs not so much walking as nervously jerking from position to position, forced her way through the crowd, and, not even stopping to listen for a moment of context, turned on the socialite.

“I am so sorry dear sir, but, I have urgent-pressing-dire business with my dear sweet sister. You’ll need to continue your conversation in just the smallest of seconds.”

“That was rude,” Celestia replied, still happily enjoying her cake. She then stood and began moving along the table, her fork planting another bite of cake in her mouth.

Luna turned and followed after her sister, her lips writhing like snakes to keep her grin forced.

“Sister. Shouldn’t we be talking about something urgent?”

“Nope.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t? Something about our... old friend lost in the woods? About how Ponyville is one of our bread-baskets, and how... complications there could have repercussions throughout the nation? About how waiting too long lets the apples... get eaten?”

Celestia thoughtfully paused, chewing her bite of cake.

“... Nope.”

Luna’s neck and face bulged as she physically swallowed a second shout.

“Luna, I think perhaps you are worrying too much-” Luna’s entire body was shaking at this point. “-Things aren’t like they used to be. Ponyville will be fine.”

Luna’s wings fluttered and her body tensed. Was Celestia out her mind? Had Luna’s thousand year leap kept the memory of Orcus’s last rampage fresh while Celestia had forgotten? Was her sister going senile? Most of the party-goers were politely and forcefully ignoring the spectacle Luna was barely keeping from happening. She wanted to grab Celestia and shake her senseless while using the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice to pound the sense back in.

Celestia’s look had turned into one of genuine concern.

“I think that perhaps keeping you up may have been a mistake Luna. Perhaps you should get some rest. Go take some time to... relax.” She suddenly smiled then. “Perhaps you will feel better at the ball this evening?”

The urge to rattle Celestia like a foal’s toy was not going away.

“Yes. Sister,” Luna finally said, her grin forced hard enough that some of the future foals that would be born to the stallions and mares who witnessed it would have nightmares about it, “A Nap. I think I shall go take one.”

With that, Luna stalked out of the party.

Celestia frowned, watching her go.

~*~*~*~

If Celestia wasn’t going to take this problem seriously, Luna would just take everything into her own hooves. She walked down the stone hallway, her head held high and her eyes focused straight ahead. Soldiers moved around her, nodding as they passed. Luna returned with a similar curt nod of respect. She had always liked the company of soldiers. No nonsense, and, as of this moment, both of them had a mission.

Celestia’s behavior baffled Luna. She certainly wasn’t so nonchalant about Discord’s return, and while Orcus may not have posed the same scale of threat, that was no excuse to just-just-just let him run loose! Luna was having trouble wrapping her mind around exactly what kind of mindset-outside of madness-would justify Celestia ignoring this crisis. The last time Orcus had escaped Tartarus his defeat had come at the cost of thousands of lives, only after he had killed thousands more during his siege of Canterlot. It was probably only the intervention of the Dragons that had slowed his escape into the northern lands long enough for Celestia and Luna to run him down and put and end to his reign of terror. Even then, the Necromancers he trained and his Lich generals, those who had escaped being imprisoned with their dark lord, would plague the world for decades to come. His return wasn’t something to relax about. In fact, Luna was certain that if she made a list of things to panic over, this issue would be a fairly easy pick.

Luna realized she had been grinding her teeth and stopped as she turned a corner and marched down the hallway. Ahead a pair of pegasus guards stood at the ready before an office door. They both saluted to her as she approached.

“Hail Luna, Princess of the Night,” both said, in unison.

“Hail good warriors,” Luna replied, before turning to the one on the right. “Is General Bash here?”

“Yes Ma’m,” the pegasus replied.

“Good. I have urgent news and matters of national import to discuss with him.”

The pegasus nodded curtly, and then turned and banged on the door. After some brief shouting back and forth, the pegasus turned back to Luna as the door opened revealing General Pommel Bash’s secretary, a unicorn mare with a cream colored coat and a mane striped different shades of brown by the name of Feather Quill.

“Please, right this way Princess.”

General Pommel Bash, like Luna had heard of his father Shield Bash, was a no-nonsense earth stallion. If there was anypony in Canterlot who Luna could depend on to help her save Ponyville, it would be him.

Feather Quill bowed her head as her horn glowed with a brown aura at the knob on General Bash’s door. The door swung open, revealing General Bash himself, who looked up, and upon seeing Luna waiting for him, gave a big grin around the cigar he had in his muzzle. He waved her in and she courteously complied. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Luna raised a hoof silencing him. She then turned around, her horn flaring with silver light as she closed the door behind her, she then turned and swept the room, the light building around her horn. As General Bash watched an aura of starry darkness boiled around the Princess of the Night’s horn before swelling up and washing over the room. General Bash’s smile faded.

“A silence spell ‘uh? Must be serious.”

“Gravely.”

Luna took a moment to sit down and compose herself. She feared less how General Bash would react to the news that Orcus was free and more how she would explain why she was here personally instead of him receiving a message from her sister; how her dear sister was no doubt napping in the mid-morning sun before another hum-drum diplomatic meeting over lunch without a care in the world while Orcus defiled and pillaged his way across Equestria unopposed. She must have shown her frustration somehow, because General Bash was frowning. Luna realized she was grinding her teeth. Again.

“General Bash, I will be frank with you. Equestria may be—nay!, is—in crisis as we speak. Tell me, do they still teach of the Blight War in ancient history classes?”

General Bash rubbed his chin for a moment, staring at his desk, his brow furrowed and his lips twisted.

“I only recall it was the second and last time in her history that Canterlot ever let an enemy into her gates. Well, save for Night-“ He then stopped, his face screwing up with embarrassment.

“No, it is fine, we... I understand I have made mistakes in the past. But yes, the war was one of the two times Canterlot has been besieged in her history. The war was instigated by a creature known as Orcus, one of the princes of Tartarus. Vile creatures sealed away long ago.”

“If it helps you comprehend exactly what we were dealing with,” Luna went on, “there are many who call me and my sister Goddesses of Night and Day. Discord, was the spirit of chaos and disharmony. To that end... Orcus is the lord of death. Not like the White Stallion of your modern folklore, who shepards ponies to a peaceful rest. Orcus embodies the hateful dead. The rage of those who died unfulfilled. He is the lord of envy, and the hateful red talon of the grave. He exists to drag all of Equestria into the eternal stagnation of undeath and bring the world to a state of perfect entropic ruin. Were he to ever succeed even the sun would die and the sky would remain an eternal gray. Music, Happiness, Life itself would vanish from this earth. It would be nothing but him and the wailing of his victims. Forever.”

“I’m guessing I’m not about to like what I’m going to hear next...”

“Orcus has escaped from Tartarus.”

“‘Uh. Fancy that. I was right.” General Bash then violently swung his head around and let out a curse that Luna had never heard in her very long life. She felt her ears burn. To think, of all the ways one could bend a goat.

When General Bash was done venting a minute or so later. He finally looked up at Luna and sighed, his rage spent.

“So, whatta we gonna do about this?”

“Luckily,” Luna said, “we may be able to nip this in the bud.”

General Bash raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Orcus is currently taking his time to gather an army. If he had his forces with him this would be much harder. If we can launch an attack now we can stop him before he gains any more power. If we can gather our forces, particularly the Elements of Harmony, and attack now, we can send the fiend back to Tartarus before this even begins.”

General Bash leaned back resting his chin on one hoof, his lips twisting as he stared at the ceiling.

“Sounds reasonable, but...” Suddenly, his eyes went wide, he then turned his head and looked straight at Luna, his eyes narrowing and his mouth still in a puzzled frown.

“Why wasn’t I informed of this via the official channels? Wouldn’t Celestia normally call her war ministry together in face of a crisis? I mean, I appreciate the personal touch Luna, but its much easier to tell us all at once.”

Busted.

Luna held his gaze firmly, but the silence dragged on uncomfortably long as the gears spun wildly in her head. He should know. He has a right to know. No General should be thrust into a war where he can’t trust his princess. Plus, the instant he went to Celestia he would have found out anyway. Honesty then.

“Celestia...” Luna said, turning her head to the side, breaking the gaze. “... doesn’t think that this is an issue.”

“WHAT?!”

Luna flinched from the force of the shout, her eyes widening in shock, but, secretly in her own head she pranced about like a giddy school filly. For a while she worried she might have been the one who had gone insane. Praise be to the sun and moon, somepony sees reason around here!

“Wha... what...” General Bash panted. “Has-has-has the old horse gone daft!?” Luna would normally be offended at such crude insult, but she couldn’t help continuing her little psychic happy dance. Celestia would just lose it if she heard her favorite general say that about her! “Does she not care that this-this monster is free? Has she gone senile? Has she gone mad with bloody heat stroke?!”

“I know!” Luna said, thrusting her hoof out. “It’s like she doesn’t even care that Ponyville is about to be razed!”

“This is beyond inexcusable. This is-wait, Ponyville?”

“Yes! If Orcus despoils our agricultural heart the famine alone will cost-“, Luna was interrupted before she could properly go on the angry tirade she had been slowly cultivating all morning by General Pommel Bash’s bellowing guffaw.

“Oh-oh! Ponyville! Hahahaha! I get it!”

“Yes... Ponyville...” Did he sound... relieved?

“Hah! haha! Oh, o.k.. Now it makes sense.” General Bash whipped a hooffull of sweat off of his brow and then let out a long whistling sigh and relaxed back behind his desk, closing his eyes and smiling a huge grin.

“Are you... o.k. General Bash?”

“Couldn’t be better.” He leaned forward and looked at Luna. “Listen my Princess, while I’m sure those milk drinkers downstairs we call soldiers could use the hike, I’d rather not waste their time by sending them out t—to Ponyville of all places! Bwahaha!” At that point the General was lost indulging himself in his great bellowing laugh.

Wha-...?

Huh...?

Luna’s jaw was left hanging off of her face at a rather impressive angle. She realized it was still stuck that way as she was walking away. She couldn’t quite remember how she got out into the hallway or why, her feet seemed to be carrying her on their own. It wasn’t until she wandered into the middle of the Canterlot palace public garden that her brain was in strong enough shape to shoulder the task of comprehending what had transpired.

They would say months later that her screams of frustration could be heard as far afield as the land of the dragons.

~*~*~

Luna walked at a slow, purposeful stride down the quiet hallways of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Following in the footsteps of the Princess of the Night was a rather small middle-aged unicorn stallion. He had pale tan fur, a somewhat unkempt short black mane which clashed with his long unkempt black tail and big blue eyes which darted every which way as his head and neck jerked around like a bird. His cutie mark was geometric red star inside of a red circle. He was Solomon Bind, the resident professor of Demonology at the school, and he was trying his best not to impose on her sovereign majesty by staring at her in awe.

“Your... your majesty?” He finally asked after several minutes of awkward silence.

“Yes?”

“Does... does this have anything do with the Banshee that was howling in the palace garden this morning?”

The Princess of the Night stopped short. Professor Bind watched as her entire face seemed to clench at once as if she was experiencing a great deal of suffering. After a moment she relaxed and returned to her deadpan stare and continued forward at the same pace.

“... No.”

“Oh.”

So the silence returned.

They walked on for several more minutes before Luna veered slightly off of her straight path, and turned towards a door marked FACULTY LOUNGE. In the silence of the hallway Solomon Bind could hear the sound of a mare and a stallion talking very quietly to themselves. Luna knocked heavily on the door, silencing the voices within.

“Professor Thunderhead? Are you within?”

“Yes?” a voice answered, “Who is i-wait. Is that you Princess?”

“It is.”

“I will be right out.”

There was some more low talking, and some shuffling, followed by the sounds of hoofsteps on tile. After a few seconds the door handle glowed a burning orange, the door swinging open, and Professor Loom Thunderhead stepped out. He was a massive blue furred barrel chested Unicorn stallion with a grizzled white mane and beard. His cutie mark, an arcing ball of flame with three concentric circles of lightning radiating from its tail, marked him as a war wizard. Not only that, but Loom Thunder head was in fact Celestia’s chief war wizard. Solomon’s eyebrows perked. Something was up.

“Sorry about that. Ever since a student prank a couple of decades back, Professor Beam has had a nervous condition, and those dragons rutting at the palace today set her of-“

“Wait! Dragons? I thought it was a Banshee.”

Professor Thunderhead shrugged his shoulders.

“Sounded like dragons rutting to me.”

Wrapped up as they were in speculation, neither unicorn noticed the supreme effort it was taking Luna not to grind her teeth to dust.

“Gentlemen,” she interjected, perhaps a tad too firm. “Is there anywhere, pray tell, that we can talk in private?”

The two Unicorns looked at one another.

“My office is closer.” Professor Thunderhead said, speaking up first.

“Very well then. Lead the way Professor Thunderhead. We have urgent matters to discuss.”

~*~*~

Luna and the two unicorns entered Professor Thunderhead’s somewhat spacious office. Professor Thunderhead led the way followed by Luna and Professor Bind. Loom moved behind his desk while Luna and Solomon sat down in front of it. He stopped short though. He then turned and grinned sheepishly.

“I normally sit in this chair to lecture students. I would feel awkward entertaining the Princess of the Night in it. Princess, would you like to sit there?”

Luna rolled her eyes at the notion, but if it made the old wizard feel better.

The three ponies shuffled around Thunderhead’s massive mahogany desk, with Solomon Bind taking Luna’s cushion, and Luna taking Professor Thunderhead’s massive backed couch. Which immediately posed a problem for Luna’s physiology.

“I do not think this will work.”

“Why not Princess?”

Luna fluttered her left wing, her right one pinned by the backing of the seat.

“Oh.”

Shuffle shuffle.

“I do feel awkward making you sit in a chair for disobedient colts and fillies. Maybe if we shift the seat like this...”

Shuffle shuffle.

“Now its far more uncomfortable than before. I don’t care about decorum right now Professor Thunderhead. Take your seat!”

Shuffle shuffle.

“Now its uncomfortable for me. Maybe if I-“

“Oh for the love of Orion!”

Shuffle shuffle shuffle. Shuffle shuffle.

“Um.” Professor Solomon Bind said, his flank firmly planted in the center of a seat which dwarfed him in size. “Are you sure I should be the one to-“

“Yes!” both Luna and Professor Loom said in exasperated unison.

Luna dropped her head and sighed, collecting herself.

“Now, perhaps we can discuss the matter at hand. Both of you are no doubt curious and perhaps suspicious why I would want to speak to both the chief Evoker and the chief Demonologist of the school.”

“Tartarian Biologist.”

Luna turned.

“What?”

“Tartarian Biologist. It’s the proper name for my field.”

“Wha-Why?”

“Well, a few of the redeemed dem-Tartarians living in Equestria found the term ‘Demon’ to be something of a loaded phrase. Has all sorts of negative theological connotations. So they began a campaign to change the way the phrase was used, boycotting anyone who used the phrase Demon-even though its an ethically neutral scientific term! It was all very silly-and then our previous headmaster felt that it was less offensive to just call them Tartarians. But that was even sillier since there is more than one type of creature in Tartarus. I know for instance that this offended the Yugoloths and the Baatzu who-“

Luna threw up her hoof.

“Tartarian Biology! Whatever! We have more important things to discuss!”

Professor Bind slumped in the couch dejected, looking even smaller now.

“There is a reason I have called both of you here. I have need of both your talents.” She looked at both of them gravely. “Equestria is in peril.”

The two unicorns leaned in. Loom Thunderhead had a look of stoic determination, while Solomon Bind leaned forward a look of anticipation on his face.

“Orcus walks the earth once again.”

Professor Thunderhead’s face darkened as dread fought with stoicism. Professor Bind’s face on the other hand went rapidly from a wide-eyed slack-jawed shock, to wide eyed child-like glee, to dread, and then finally settled on... intense curiosity it seemed.

“He is currently without an army, no doubt how he could get past Cerberus without alerting us to the attempt, but as you both know for him building one is no problem. I believe, and what I need you for Professor Thunderhead, is that if we can teleport a force of our strongest Warmages directly to Orcus and strike him before he can build an army, we can maim him and send him fleeing back to Tartarus. What I need you for Professor Bind is any information you can provide me on his powers or weaknesses that may have come to light in the last thousand years, and also any information on Necromancy that may have been discovered in that time.”

“Of all the times to be alive!” Professor Solomon Bind was rocking back and forth on his flank like a spastic broken metronome. “I mean-yes, of course Princess, whatever I can! To think, one of the Abyssal Princes-here! Think of the opportunity to study! This will be a great day for science!”

Professor Thunderhead was not so enthusiastic. In fact as he stared at Luna his eyes narrowed and his frown deepen.

“Why was the war council not called?”

“Celestia believes that this threat does not require a full mobilization to handle and calling the war council may cause panic. As I said, I think with mages of your caliber on our side backed by my magic we can strike him before he is ready to fight and stop this battle before it starts, and leave before we suffer any losses if we can’t. Plus, as you know, an infantry who dies in this fight will only become another foot soldier for him. If we fail in this, I think it will only be because he would be too powerful for any first strike team to handle, and even then our attack will illustrate the level of the threat and slow him enough to buy the army time for a full mobilization.” Luna had to smile to herself as she finished. She was rather proud of that speech. None of it was technically a lie.

Professor Thunderhead seemed to weigh the options.

“What you say may be right, but it will still be dangerous. Most of the books on that war were old and vague but Orcus is supposed to be a creature of phenomenal power. We would most likely have to retreat the instant we failed to kill him in the opening blows. I don’t want to belittle your power princess, but I do not think even you would have the power to protect us and open the way to retreat simultaneously. Otherwise you would carry this out yourself.”

“Oh that’s true! You know, some of the books state that during the battle at Mareathon he opened his mouth and breathed a blast of magic into the air that turned into a great storm which wiped out the pegasi coming to join the battle. Can he really do that? What about how he convinced the harpies to work for him? DId he really turn the blood of a thousand ponies into liquid gold? And what about the-?

“The storm was already there. No. And we have more important things to discuss!”

“Could we potentially run a series of hit and run attacks?” Loom asked. “Would such a thing be possible? Or would that drain you to much?”

Luna seemed to weigh her options.

“It might work, but I would have only enough strength for a few tries, and I would need to rest between each try, which is a danger in and of itself. Time is of the essence gentlecolts.”

“And why is time so important?” Professor Bind asked.

“Because if we do not act swiftly then Ponyville will burn!”

There was a long silence after that statement. Far, far, too long. Professor Thunderhead simply rolled his eyes and said “Oh.” quietly to himself, while Professor Bind looked absolutely heartbroken, and sank back into the massive seat. Loom then began shifting around on his cushion, before picking up his left forehoof and giving it a good once over, a somewhat annoyed look on his face. At the forty-five second mark Professor Bind was slowly slipping from dejection to barely disguised rage and frustration.

“Is there something wr-?”

“THOSE MARES RUIN EVERYTHING!”

“Solomon,” Professor Thunderhead sighed wearily, “calm down.”

“NO, YOU CALM DOWN! ITS NOT LIKE EVERY TIME YOU GET A BRIGHT IDEA FOR A BIGGER FIREBALL SPELL SOMEPONY WELDS THE DOOR SHUT! THOSE SIX MARES HAVE RUINED EVERY DECENT RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY THAT HAS SPrung... up in the... last two... years.” Solomon Bind was physically shaking at this point, his voice cracking and hoarse from yelling. “I could have... c-c-could have proven Professor Circle wrong... that Discord WAS a Tartarian...”

“I-I-I Just wanted to see Orcus!” Solomon Bind finally squeaked out.

He then began bawling like a foal.

Professor Thunderhead gave a very heavy sigh, and stood up, turning his attention to the dumb-struck Princess.

“You should come with me outside.” He then walked towards the door, opening it gently with his telekinesis. When Luna couldn’t tear her eyes from the spectacle of a grown colt rolling around on his back in chair two sizes to big for him, his hind legs kicking wildly in the air while he bawled like a baby, Professor Loom gave her a gentle telekinetic tug on her shoulder, breaking the spell. She turned around, a look of helpless confusion on her face, and Professor Thunderhead merely swung his head to the side, indicating she should do as he asked.

Luna very slowly stood up, trying not to look at the spectacle of Professor Bind, lest she be entranced again, and then very slowly walked out, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open all the while. Professor Thunderhead closed the door behind her.

“You’ll have to forgive Professor Bind he... gets frustrated easily.” Luna continued her fish eyed stare. Professor Loom sighed. This was going to be more difficult than he thought.

“Listen, you have to understand. Most of the Supernatural Zoology and Biology department has been having a tough time these last two years. Discord gets released, allowing them the chance answer some long standing questions about Spirits and Demons, and, poof! Back to stone. Professor Goodfellow was particularly upset after that changeling incursion. No one had seen a changeling in a very long time and no one thought to capture one to study. The first mature dragon settles in Equestria, and then is driven off in the same week. You have to understand. No one knew there was a Hydra in the Everfree until it got disturbed a year and a half ago and those girls rattled it so bad it shifted it’s territory and now no one knows where it went. We all understand the Elements are doing their best to protect Equestria, but I can see how these can be... grating. And Professor Bind is more sensitive than most. He’s had a hard time of it and it gets on his weak constitution. He’s going to miss out on the career opportunity of the century. Try not to judge him-“

At that point a dull thumping could be heard on the other side of wall as Professor Bind began fruitlessly banging his head again it, cursing with each dull thud.

“... too harshly, anyway.”

“As for the plan,” Professor Loom went on, “I didn’t realize we would be fighting over Ponyville. I can see now why the Princess didn’t think it was a pressing issue. It’s my suggestion we wait for the dust to settle there before doing anything else. I don’t want to risk the lives of good stallions when our problem will most likely be over by supper time.”

“But-but-but-!”

“I have to go calm him down before he bores another hole through a wall.” And with that, the door to Professor Loom’s office swung open and the stallion marched in. Luna reared up and opened her mouth to order him to stay right where he was, when he suddenly stopped, took a step back, and gave the Princess a look as if he was considering something.

“Do you think that you could... tell the Elements to leave an arm or a horn or something? For him?” He had trouble reading her reaction. “No? Well, think about it at least.” He then turned, walked into his office, and shut the door behind him.

Luna stared at the spot where the unicorn had been. Then at the door. Then at the floor. Then straight ahead.

She then struck herself across the face with a hoof. Hard.

Yep. Pain. That really did happen.

She began shaking violently then as she took off down the hallway at a rapid trot. Something had to be done. There had to be somepony, somewhere, who was still sane in this day and age and who had the resources to help her save Equestria!

~*~*~

Luna learned the true value of optimism that day.

She had visited every official she could think of to help with the crisis. Then any official she rationalized could help with the crisis. Then any official who would see her. By the end of it she was weeping and pleading with a janitor who was still having trouble figuring out what a “Porkus” was. She could have sworn that after a while they had begun warning each other of her approach. This wasn't helped when the captain of the Scouting corps. hurled himself out the window while she watched from outside his office. He was fine of course, Pegasus and all that, but that did nothing to help her confidence, or her waning handle on her emotions.

She now sat, draped across the railing like a great blue Owlbear skinned rug, staring towards the Eastern horizon as the Sunset Ball went on in the chamber behind her. Luna had wanted to take this time to try and figure out some sort of plan or countermeasure, but Celestia's aides had swarmed her and almost bodily dragged her here. As confused and distressed as she was, she was in no shape to fight back. Some part of her brain was mildly annoyed that after forcing her here, Celestia couldn't be bothered to appear, but Luna was beyond caring about such minor acts of hypocrisy.

The Sunset Ball was another one of the endless balls and functions of the Canterlot elite. This one to celebrate the young love of summer, where all of the princes and princesses of the old nobility gathered to dance, court, and have a general good time of things. It was meant to be a nod to the fertility of summer and of a settling of ties before the winter of adulthood. Or something like that. Luna could not have given less of a fig at the moment. All she could think about after the events of the day was about how, at the rate things had gone, Orcus would be entering Canterlot in a week. In her mind's eye she watched as the young dukes and countessess of the ball gathered in the streets, tossing wreaths of roses at his cloven hooves, smiling and waving at him and offering him tea and crumpets, just before Orcus would open his maw and spew a boiling black and green cloud of death magic upon the lot of them. In Luna's fantasy, the nascent nobility of Canterlot spent their last agonizing moment recommending their dentists to Orcus for his bad oral hygien before being reduced to pools of steaming necrotic ooze.

Luna sighed deeply and shook her head, trying to clear it of the images. Thoughts like that wouldn't help solve the problem. She had to be strong, and keep her head level. She had to, because it was looking like she was the only one interested in saving Equestria at all.

Had Celestia really gone mad? Luna had tried to find her late in the afternoon, but none of her aides could give her a straight answer. One said she was talking with the Griffish ambassador. Another told her she was off talking with the Dragon Flight. It honestly sounded more and more like Celestia was avoiding her, and as Luna shoved that thought aside it took all of her power to keep from grinding her teeth. Again.

So, Luna sat there, staring at the grass of the lawn below, stewing in her frustration and depression for some time. It wasn't until somepony spoke that she realized she was no longer alone on the balcony.

“My dear Princess Luna, vat is wrong?”

Luna turned to find a willowly cream colored unicorn mare sharing the balcony with her. It took Luna a second to recognize her or even remember her name. Fleur De'Lis. She was Fancypant's... something. Regardless, Luna shoved aside her frustration for the moment and turned fully to face her subject.

“Nothing is the matter. We are simply enjoying the party by ourselves.”

“'Ve are enjoying it by ourselves?'” Fleur giggled and Luna realized that she was being made fun of. And that she had fallen back into antiquated speech patterns. Luna was somewhat thankful that her dark coat hid her blush of embarrassment.

“We have had a trying day-.” Luna twitched. Fleur giggled. Again. “And I, I am trying to enjoy the twilight. That is all.”

“Vhy enjoy the twilight when you have a vonderful party? Its is a celebration of love!” Fleur leaned in. “Or are our princesses above such mortal concerns?”

Luna had the sudden urge to point out that based on the lineages she had studied, some studies on the marriage habits of Canterlot nobility through the ages, and some math she had run, due to the sheer number of years she had been around, that there was roughly a one in ten chance that Fluer was in fact her great to the nth degree granddaughter and a fifteen percent chance she was Celestia's. Five percent chance of both. Luna let out a huff and pushed the thought aside.

“We are-” Luna's face scrunched up tightly. “-I am not in the mood for romance or celebration. I would not be here were it not for my sister's... idiosyncrasies.” Understatement of the millennium. “So, please... W-I. I wish to be alone.”

“What is the matter princess? Vhy are you, if you forgive the pun, so blue?”

Celestia and her entire cabinet were mad. The lord of undeath and decay was about to kill and ensalve hundreds of ponies and potentially start a famine which could kill thousands more. The window with which rapid action could have nipped the crisis in the bud relatively bloodlessly was rapidly closing. Luna's right hoof ached for no adequately explained reason. It was muggy out. Pick one.

“It is a personal matter. I would rather leave it be.”

“Oh very well princess. I...”

Luna had turned away to stare off to the side, trying to tune out the conversation so that she could get back to not focusing on anything useful, so it took her a moment to realize that Fleur had drifted off. That, in fact, the entire ball had gone silent. Luna turned and saw Fleur staring blank faced towards the south. Luna turned her head and her entire face scrunched as she frowned. Nothing but the red light of the sunset was there.

… When the realization struck Luna she leapt into action. Quite literally as she bounded into the hall. The entire room was lit with a baleful red light as the fire to the south surged.

“No.”

Luna shoved a barrel chested stallion aside as she began running for the southern doors. The damn ponies just stood there, slack-jawed.

“No. nonono.”

Luna flared open her wings, and with a single mighty flap launched herself over the stunned crowd, her horn flaring with silver-blue light. As she landed the door swung open upon her command, revealing the burning red cyst on the horizon.

“Nooooooo. Noooooooooo. Noooooooo!”

The red light flared, almost like it had been waiting for her. She could feel it then. Only an echo, but the fact that she could even feel that much at this distance was horrifying. Abyssal magic. Necromancy. Orcus had begun his war on Equestria unopposed. Luna had failed.

Someone was screaming... and it took Luna some time to grasp that it was her. She tried to stop and regain even a fashion of control over herself, but the instant she closed her muzzle she began sniveling and weeping. Soon the silence began filling with sounds. Whispers. Murmurings. Fear. Dread. Some small part of Luna took grim satisfaction in that fact. Even though it was too late for Ponyville, somepony, somewhere, finally understood. Maybe there was hope for Equestria yet.

“Princess...” A pegasus stallion asked, awkwardly raising his hoof and sort of letting it hang it, unsure of placing a comforting hoof on the royal shoulder would break decorum. “Princess... what... what happened?”

“... We failed,” She said, finally. “I... I failed. I did not act, and now, now doom comes to Ponyville, and soon, all of Eq-”

“OH! Ponyville!” The stallion let out an almost hysterical laugh of relief. He turned and waved to the party-goers. “Hey guys! It's o.k.! Its just Ponyville!”

The tension in the room shattered instantly. Some let out laughter. Some rolled their eyes in frustration. Many just chuckled nervously and sighed with relief.

“Hah!” The stallion went on, quite literally ribbing Luna with his elbow. “Good one princess! Sweet Celestia, Ponyville!” He then trotted forward and leaped into the air, flying out over the crowd of assembled ponies who were milling about in confusion on the lawn in front of the ballroom.

“Hey guys, don't worry! It's just Ponyville! We're fine! Tell everypony!”

Luna watched, watched, as the ponies visibly lost all of the tension in their bodies in an instant. Very soon they were chatting and joking much like the party-goers behind her. She was dimly aware through haze of shock and horror that someone behind her was shouting. Something about property damage.

“Alright, everypony!” A nasaly voice yelled. “You know the drill. Name a thousand and the ponies which guess the closest without going over wins the pot!”

“Blueblood!” A voice replied. “Why do you always bet so low when we play this game?”

“Please.” The first speaker replied. “The most foul thing in Ponyville lives in neither a nest nor a cave, but a dress shop. I should know. I dated her!”

Guffaws of laughter ensued.

“Princess!” Fleur's voice suddenly spoke from behind her. “If it vas Ponyville which bothered you so, you should have told me! You should really have more faith in the... El... ements...”

Fleur took a step back, her hind hooves shaking as a forehoof reached up to touch her muzzle, unsure if Luna's sudden glare as she turned around was going to in fact literally wither the flesh from her face. Luna stared down at her for several seconds. Then, without a word, her horn flared with silver light, and Luna vanished in a clap of thunder.

The pegasus stallion landed next to Fleur.

“Huh. What was her problem? Was something actually wrong?”

~*~*~

The last rays of a waning sun was Luna's company.

She sat, perched on the domed tower, clutching the thin spire raised from its tip like some great midnight blue gargoyle. Her horn glowed as her expression remained unchanging. Her lips were pressed into a thin line save for their corners, which were tugged violently downward by the muscles in her cheeks, her eyes locked ahead, narrowed with a look of grim determination. So it was like that, with no pomp or circumstance, that Luna brought an end to Ponyville's last day, and the last day of peace Equestria would know for some time by her recknoning.

She had come here to be alone. She had tried to use her senses to try and read the ley-lines of magic to grasp what had happened in Ponyville, but it was a futile gesture. By the time she had teleported up here, whatever that red light signaled was ending, and all the ley-lines did nothing but shudder uselessly under her touch with the echoes of whatever had happened to the south and the sheer unnatural metaphysical weight Orcus and his unholy legion placed on the fabric of magic. Still though, the lack of a rainbow colored dawn and her ability to still sense Orcus's presence told her all she needed.

Luna shuddered and grasped the spire tightly, as her chest tightened again. She held back the pain as best she could. She couldn't assume they were dead. Not yet. They were resourceful, but her mind couldn't help but turn to the worst. Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy.

Twilight.

That last name burned like a brand on her heart, and a new emotion surged through her. Rage. She wished nothing more than to rip Celestia out of whatever hole the bitch had crawled into and drag her by magical might to the wreck Ponyville was no doubt left as. She wanted to jam her sister's muzzle into the blood-soaked mud and scream at her “LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT WHAT YOUR FLIPPANCY COST US!” She wanted to keep screaming until she ceased to exist. Until this feeling and her self vanished in a puff of smoke, like some flame that had burned far too hard and far too fast.

Luna let out a long low, throaty noise, somewhere between a groan and a scream. Her body shuddered as the sound ended, only for her to inhale and make it again, and then again. After she finally spent herself physically for the moment, her mind emptied enough for her to think clearly.

Something had to be done about Celestia. That would have to wait though. Orcus was the immediate problem. Unless Celestia was truly insane there was no way she would sit idly by now. Whether or not... whether or not Luna needed to make sure power changed hands in Equestria was an issue for another day. Orcus needed to be stopped first. Luna had doubted her ability to handle this task on her own before. The question of whether her anger had made her lose her self-doubt, or she merely no longer had the capacity to fear for her life occurred to her, but Luna no longer cared. A plan began hatching in her head. It all fell into place nicely. She might or might not be able to stop Orcus, but she could cripple him dearly.

And while she might not have been able to save Ponyville, she would most certainly avenge it.

~*~*~

The commander of the night-guard fidgeted in place. His old drill seargent and any self respecting member of the immaculate day-guard would chew him out for that slight twitch, but, sun burn him, something was wrong here. Luna had demanded he assemble every member of the on-duty pegasi night-guard to this open space high among Castle Canterlot's battlements in battle formation. She was there waiting for them, and once they had assembled she had sat for a long time, staring at them. She had then gotten up and begun pacing up and down the line, her grim stare seeming to pick up each guard in turn and pick him apart. Commander Eagle Eye had not spent much personal time with the Princess, but this behavior seemed out of place and more than a little frightening. It was hard to stay settled when one of your two Commanders in Chief was staring at you with the same calculated measurements and purpose, and the same amount of basic empathy, as if they were looking at a knife to decide if it was the proper one to manage a kill. Commander Eagle Eye twitched again when he realized how close to the mark that metaphor might have been.

After what seemed like forever, Luna came to stop at the center of the line, not ten feet away from Commander Eagle Eye.

“I would never ask another stallion or mare to die for me.” She said. “But,” she went on, “I would ask a stallion or mare of honor to keep their promises.”

“You all agreeded to protect, with your life, if necessary, the life of royal person. You all also agreed to protect, with your life if necessary, the safety and security of the nation of Equestria. Unfortunately, today is the day that you must make due on both of those promises.”

She turned and looked off the south.

“There, this evening at sunset there was a red light in the sky. That light was no doubt the last sight of Ponyville many will ever see for a very long time.”

Murmuring ran through the guards.

“Ponyville your Majesty? Could anything have taken Ponyvi-”

Luna snapped, locking eyes with the poor guard. That same, meticulous stare reduced the rest of his sentence to mutterings and gaga, and the entire guard to silence. Luna let that silence hang.

“...Yes. A terrible monster has taken Ponyville. A monster that I intend to either slay or maim this very evening. I do not know if this is a battle that I can win, but it is one which I must fight, now, or the doom of Ponyville will creep ever closer all the faster to your own friends and family.”

“Princess Luna!” Commander Eagle Eye finally had the courage to interject. “Should this not be the mission for the whole army?”

“The army will be of no help!” Luna whirled on him, slaming the stone with a hoof. “Nor will the mages, nor will the air force, nor will my sister!” Each name was punctuated with another slam, the last one sending flecks of stone skittering and skipping across the wide space. “This is a fight that must happen now and must now be done either by myself alone or with your help, but no other will come. Not anymore.” Luna's cold stare suddenly simmered with rage. “I do not know what we can do, but I do know that if I go alone it will be end of me. Whether that happens is your choice.” Luna then turned, and without another word, marched toward the battlements.

“Princess!” Eagle Eye stretched out a hoof. “Wait! We have orders to keep you from leaving this night!”

Luna lifted one hoof onto the battlements and turned and looked at him, no more rage or calculation in her teal eyes, simply a weight. Vast, unstoppable, unreasonable weight.

“I know.”

With that, Luna's wings flared open with a blinding flash of white light. When Eagle Eye's vision recovered the sight he saw nearly stopped his heart.

Luna had changed. She seemed larger than before. Her wings had certainly gotten larger, and sharper. More like a hawk's than a pegasus's, and her fur had turned soot black. Her entire body was covered in shining metallic blue armor which glimmered unnaturally in the starlight, almost as if it reflected it above all others. Her mane had trasformed. No longer a gently flowing stretch of distant night sky, but now a rushing river, or flame, of swirling white and black cosmos. Yet, of all things, her eyes remained unchanged.

It was in that moment that Eagle Eye finally understood how, even after a thousand years for history to fade into everything but myth, ponies still feared the Mare in the Moon.

Luna then spoke. Her voice was not loud, but Eagle Eye could still feel it rumbling in the hallow of his chest.

“Try and stop me.”

Luna then turned, her wings stretching into the sky as silver lightning danced across her feather tips and wild cracking filled the night air. Without another word, she swung her wings down, and with a crack of thunder, launched herself like a great silver spear into the night sky at supernatural speed.

Commander Eagle Eye twisted on the spot, torn between his duty and his orders while Luna rapidly vanished into the night air.

“SHIT!” He shouted, and launched himself after her.

The rest of the Night-guard went with him.

~*~*~

The night air rushed past Luna with each mighty flap of her wings, her ears full of the snapping roar of the wind. Out of the corner of her eye she watched the purple-clad figures of the Night-guard leap into the air. A grin, perhaps a tad too predatory, spread across her face as she slowed her pace allowing her men to catch up.

After half a minute, Captain Eagle-Eye and the rest of the soldiers fell into formation behind her.

“Orders, your highness?” Eagle-Eye shouted over the wind.

Without speaking, Luna arched her neck as her horn flared with silver, black, and blue light. A pulse of magic washed over her, spreading wide as it fell behind her, washing over her men. Suddenly, the world seemed to lurch as the landscape flashed by much more rapidly than it should given how fast they were going.

“Princess?”

“A spell.” She shouted without turn around. “Teleporting all of you would be draining and would leave us vulnerable for the few seconds it would take for us to get our bearings and move. We would very likely lose the element of surprise. The creature we seek to destroy and it's... brood, do not rest or sleep and have phenomenal power. The first seconds will be critical.”

“You have a plan then?”

“Of course!”

Luna then took a moment to focus, using her magic to amplify her voice so that all the soldiers could hear her over the roar of the wind.

“We will be approaching the ruins of Ponyville in a very short amount of time, and when we come within striking distance our timing will be critical. I must warn you though, you will be fighting monsters most foul. You will see sights unnatural and unnerving. I expect you to hold your courage though. Its faltering could mean the end of any and all of us.”

There was a low orange light on the southern horizon now. There would not be much time left, and she felt a surge of pride at the stoic silence of the men behind her. Whether they survived or not, they would be heroes this day.

“There will be two enemies of import that we must fear above all others there. One will be a creature not unlike a giant red skinned minotaur with the face of a wild boar and the wings of a dragon growing from its back. That creature is mine to fight, and it could kill the lot of you with no effort. Your weapons will not even harm it. Do not engage it unless I rally you to my side. That is an order.”

“Your targets will look like Unicorns, often with a skeletal frame and pale coats, if they have flesh at all and are not merely walking skeletons. Do not attempt to fight these creatures normally. You are to break into teams of four and attempt to engage these monsters four against one. Attempt to sever their horns, or, failing at that, rip them limb from limb.”

“Princess?”

“They are liches, neither living nor dead. A Spear to the chest will be no more damaging or bothersome to them as a hard shove would to yourself. They have access to terrible magical power though. You all must act with speed, precision, and harmony. If we do not behead the force swiftly, they will absorb our attack and repulse us with supernatural power and brutality. We are not fighting ponies, but monsters. Show them no mercy, for none will be given.

“This will be a moment history remembers men, for one reason or another. Let us give the history books a reason to remember it well, and the devils nightmares as they scream fleeing back to Tartarus! Understood?”

“Yes ma'm!”

“Good then. Attack on my signal, and good luck.”

As the orange glow grew brighter and brighter, Luna's horn pulsed, lessening the spell and slowing her approach. She banked to the right, and as one movement, her soldiers followed. As they got close to the orange glow, Luna then banked again to the left, taking her force in an arc around the small town. As they came in, she finally got to see Ponyville for the first time since Nightmare Night, and the sight filled her with rage.

Ponyville was in chaos. Everywhere Luna's eyes fell she saw wreckage and fire. She watched as the pale shadows of Orcus's Liches flitted through the night air on wings no doubt meant to mock her own form, blasting dark magic into the streets below. Ponies, living ones, were chased through the streets by packs of ghouls. The air was filled with the scent of smoke and rot, and thick with dirty humidity. Shouts filled the air.

Luna banked harder to the left, tightening her spiral around the town and beginning to rise in the hot air. As much as she wanted to dive into the fray and save those ponies, she needed to keep to her priorities. She was here to take the serpent at the throat, and, lo and behold, as she crested her rise she could see the serpent's head.

Three thousand years of time and half a mile of space could not dim the horror of Orcus for Luna. He loomed like a great red gargoyle in the center of Ponyville. What details she couldn't make out at this distance, her memory filled. His towering height, his jagged and crooked yellow tusks. His great, loose corpulent skin the color of dried blood, dotted with black necrotic lesions and glimmering with a sheen of slimy rot. The jagged yellowed talons coming from his fat bloated digits. The black rotten pits where eyes should be, and the beady pus-green points of flame which stared from those corroded depths, unreadable, save for the look of supreme malice and glee. Luna watched as the monster took a great swig of some drink it had in its great corpulent fist and then threw its head back in a laugh swallowed by the distance and cacophony.

So, this was funny to him? A game? Very well then. Luna would ensure he would die laughing.

“NOW!” she shouted as she went into a dive.

Her horn flashed as the bubble of magic around her dissolved and the air was suddenly filled with violence and motion. Bat-winged night guard diving on the stunned liches. People shouting from the streets. Smoke billowing as the beating of wings stirred the air, and in the center of it all was Luna. For a moment she felt herself in free fall, and then, with an expert turn of her wings, her lazy descent turning instantly into a purposeful dive. The ground rushed towards her, and with another turn of her wings she leveled out. Then, with a mighty flap and a blast of magic, she rocketed forward.

Luna grinned a predatory sneer as her horn flared, silver fire washing over her form. Another flap and another blast of magic and her speed increased again, and time seemed to slow. Her focus narrowed on her quarry.

Luna let out a snort in her mind. Orcus, Prince of the Undead, was sitting there, slack-jawed! He didn't teleport out of the way, he didn't throw up a shield. The damn fool wasn't even attempting to roll to the side! Time seemed to slow down as she got closer and the silver fire of her magic whirled around her in a blaze of raw destructive power. There was no stopping her now, and nothing Orcus could do to avoid his doom. She almost let out a giddy whoop of triumph. It was perfect. Better than perfect! She was going to save Equestria, all by herself, and bring low an ancient and terrible foe all in one fell swoop. She didn't need Tia, or the army, or anyone else! She had done it! Everything was perfect.

… until something drifted into her field of vision.

Something the same pink and yellow colors of summer solstice marshmallow candy.

Something with great big teal eyes.

Something which was waving its hooves and telling her to stop.

Something which was dead set in her path.

Luna had two thoughts simultaneously. Calling them thoughts is a bit of an oversimplification. They were in fact a complicated string of emotions, images, colors, and words, but they more or less boiled down to two simple concepts.

“Nope. Sorry. To late.”

And

“If I don't drop the magic field, I'm going to kill Fluttershy.”

Luna had a choice to make, and with a wail of frustration, she released the magic around herself, and crashed headlong into the pegasus.

And the world was suddenly spinning. Something was strangling Luna. Another something was screaming directly into her exposed ear. Luna had trouble telling if it was her this time or not. Luna quickly lost altitude as something kept bashing her wings with every flap. Something was also kicking her over and over again in her knees and gut. Luna became aware then, vaguely, that she was about to hit the roof of a house.

Instinctively, she curled into a ball, some part of her still trying to protect the horrible, kicking, screaming thing which was crushing her trachea. She did not hear the crash, nor did she really feel it, although some part of her took note of the impressive angle at which she ricocheted off of the roof, and of the absolutely impressive shower of shingles which plumed in her wake. At this point Luna's spin was far lazier and she got a decent view of Ponyville. It actually looked somewhat charming by firelight. She would have to tell Twilight that for next-

And then Luna crashed into something. Something maroon and greasy. Something which part of Luna registered let out a grunt of surprise and shock. Something, which was unfortunately bouncy. The force of the impact rippled through the object and, as it inexorably must, straight back into Luna, propelling her in the opposite direction. Somehow, the screaming thing on her neck loosed its grip and both she and it smashed into the ground together.

Then a warm, foul smelling liquid crashed over her like a tidal wave.

Luna pulled herself up from the mud. The liquid stung her eyes and the smell was revolting all around. Still, she could make out the pastel yellow heap a few feet away. Luna, shaking and nearly slipping in the mud and hot liquid, dragged herself over to it.

“Why?” she asked Fluttershy. She couldn't hear her own voice. Just some sort of incessant ringing. “... Why?”

Fluttershy mouthed something back to Luna. I'm... sorry?

“Why?” Luna asked, turning, looking behind her. Like a great rotting heap, there was Orcus, rising to his haunches and, for some reason, massaging the left side of his chest. There was something else though. It was hovering just behind Orcus. It would have been next to his shoulder where he had been sitting. Something which Luna's eyes had trouble making out, dazed and irritated as they were. It was something... blue. Something surrounded in a corona of every color, she realized. Something... she focused harder. Something... roasting a marshmallow?

“What?”

She turned her eyes out into the streets branching from the town square. She watched as a pair of mares, one cream colored, the other mint green, were chased by a hoard of ghouls... only for them to stop short in-front of the wreckage of the house. She watched as the mares turned on the hoard of the undead, and then began gesticulating wildly. In response, the zombies turned and fell upon the house... with nails and hammers. F-...Fixing it.

“Huh?”

Movement caught her eye and she watched, in a daze, as three ghostly white liches landed on the home that she was dimly aware had been part of her unfortunate flight path. She watched as their horns glowed with an unholy black light as beams of writhing live darkness began blasting into the roof... repairing the damage. She watched as one rolled its eyes in frustration, its mouth moving. The other two seemed to chuckle darkly.

“I... how?”

The suddenly, she was being jerked around. There they were. Her friends. Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash followed soon after, finishing her roasted marshmallow as she landed. Their mouths flapped silently-where was that infernal buzzing coming from?-but their faces were marked by obvious concern. Luna though, looked past them. To the great red figure, etched in horror and nightmare, who was still rubbing its chest tenderly. Orcus stood there, not meeting her eyes. He was staring at the ground... sheepishly?!

“I... I...”

Then, suddenly, magenta light flared and Luna was hit with a wave of magic. Aches she didn't realize she was even having suddenly vanished, but most importantly, sound came rushing back to her.

“Princess! Princess!” Twilight said, shaking her, forcing Luna to focus back down on her. “Are you alright?”

Twilight's mouth was parted slightly, her cheeks loose, but the skin around her eyes tight with concern. Luna sat there, as wobbling and loose as a filly's rag-doll, her eyes bulging from their sockets and staring at the little unicorn in much the same manner. She finally registered what that godawful stink was.

“Princess?” Twilight asked, softly, looking almost on the verge of tears.

It was tea.

“Please... are you o.k.?”

She was covered in tea.

Twilight started shaking her.

Why was she covered in tea?

“Princess? Princess! Please!”

Why? Why was she covered in tea? Why?!

“Princess-”

“WHAT IN THE TWELVE LAYERS OF TARTARUS HAS HAPPENED HERE?!”

The ponies clustered around her suddenly flinched back. Twilight's face though broke into a smile.

“Oh, thank the stars!” She said, clapping `her hooves together and spraying Luna with flecks of tea mud. One of her eyes twitched. “You're o.k.!” Twilight then flung herself at Luna's midsection.

“What happened here?”

“Oh.” Rarity said, chuckling and tossing her mane. “Just a little scuffle. These thing just happen sometimes.”

“Oh man! It was so crazy!” Pinkie exclaimed, suddenly leaping in front of Rarity. “First Orky was all-” Pinkie's face suddenly scrunched into a disturbingly good impression of a pig's “-Become my stalls-”

“Thralls, dear” Rarity corrected.

“-Oh, yeah!-Anyway-Become my thralls in life or death! And that's when the Witches-”

“Liches, sugarcube.”

“-Liches showed up!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash interjected launching herself into the air hoof first, spinning in a spiral, “And that is when things got awesome. We had this huge epic fight!” She then turned to a Lich who was missing a suspiciously hind-hoofed shaped chunk from the left side of its face. “It was awesome, wasn't it?” The Lich nodded enthusiastically, whether from agreement or terror, one couldn't be sure.

“I have to say the most impressive feat was the way Twilight handled herself.” Rarity commented, fanning herself with
her magic. “She went one on one with the brute-Sorry, Orcus dear.”

Orcus coughed into one massive, corpulent, rotting fist and turned away, embarrassed.

“Anyway, she squared off with him and actually held her own, long enough for us to get there and finally wear him down.”

“Honestly though, the real hero of the day,” Applejack said, hefting Fluttershy out of the mud. “Was this gal here!”

“Oh, oh no. No, you girls who did all the work. I just spoke to him is all. It was nothing”

“Horsefeathers! We were plum dead on our legs and you suddenly show up and talk down a demon! That ain't nothing!”

“Yes dear, Applejack has a point. Without you the fighting could have gone on for a lot longer. Some of us may have even lost our lives! You managed to resolve the whole affair with nothing more than a few bruises and some property damage.” She then turned to the hulking crimson nightmare behind her, which was twiddling its thumbs and awkwardly shuffling its great cloven hooves, each of which was bigger than Big Mac. “You are a dear, by the way, for taking the time to clean this all up for us.”

Orcus waved his hands, and gave great sheepish grin, somewhat spoiled by the twisted nest of decayed fangs and tusks that made up the demon's mouth.

“It has been a trying day.” Twilight sighed, nuzzling Luna's stomach. She then leaned back and looked up and Luna. “I'm just glad your okay.”

It was at that point that Orcus spoke. He didn't quite speak of course. It was much more that when he opened his great maw the hurricane force screaming of a thousand damned souls formed discordant notes which served the purposes of speech. Still, “speaking” is as good a descriptor as any.

“ERHRM.” Orcus coughed gently. “GIRLS, IF I MAY, I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO LUNA.”

The group nodded, and walked so the path between the two demigods was cleared. Twilight got to all fours and patted Luna gently on the back. Luna did not speak. Merely stared up at the great red fiend. Orcus moved forward into the space the five ponies had vacated and squatted down. He fidgeted in an oddly normal nervous manner. Of course, when a nervous colt fidgets, it doesn't cause a small tidal wave of rotting wine colored flesh to roll across its body.

“I REALIZE THAT THIS MAY BE... AWKWARD FOR YOU. I KNOW I HAVE DONE YOU WRONG IN THE PAST. I KNOW AN APOLOGY WILL NOT MAKE UP FOR MY BEHAVIOR-BUT I WANT TO MAKE ONE ANYWAY.” Orcus reached up and began rubbing the back of his neck. “I REALIZE NOW THAT I CAUSED MUCH POINTLESS SUFFERING IN MY LIFE, BOTH TO OTHERS AND MYSELF. FLUTTERSHY MADE ME REALIZE THAT I-I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LIBERATING THAT IS?!” His face broke in a horrifying mess of jagged cavity-filled knife-like teeth in a rough facsimile of a doofy relieved grin. “I REALIZED IT WAS POINTLESS TO SPEND AN ENTERNITY DESIRING TO CRUSH JOY AND BEAUTY FROM LIFE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WAS BORN! I HAVE AN ETERNITY LUNA! TO DO-WHATEVER I WANT! I COULD PAINT, OR WRITE! POETRY! I ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR POETRY YOU KNOW. IT MAY SEEM LIKE SOMETHING ODD BUT-OH WELL. IT DOESN'T MATTER. I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT NOT YOU NOR ANY LIVING CREATURE ANY LONGER HAVE TO FEAR ME. I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO ACCEPT, AND I AND MY SERVANTS SHALL RETURN TO TARTARUS AS SOON AS WE REPAIR THE DAMAGE WE HAVE DONE. WE SHALL NOT BLIGHT YOU WITH OUR PRESENCE FOR MUCH LONGER. BUT LUNA, BEFORE I LEAVE, THERE IS SOMETHING I MUST ASK YOU-”

Orcus then stood, his full and terrible height. He opened his arms wide and Luna was struck with a sudden horrifying panic. Up to this moment she had been sure this was all nothing more than some terrible, terrible nightmare brought on by bad tea before bed, but the great hulking monster right there in front of her, suddenly standing like that reminded her that this was no dream. Luna began to move, trying to get to her feet, trying to fly.

“LUNA... WILL YOU ACCEPT MY FRIENDSHIP?”

And then, faster than any cat or serpent, Orcus swept Luna up into a crushing bear hug.

Oh, it was horrifying. The putrescent slime soaked Luna's coat, and the heat of Orcus's infernal body turned the cavern of flesh Luna was trapped in into a humid pit that smelled and felt like a swamp in the middle of the day. She tried to wriggle free, but there was just so much of Orcus to swim through. She managed to surface for air, and turned to scream at the demon to release her when-oh by the stars Orcus was crying.

Well, that's at least what she assumed. The horrible oily pits that served as his eyes stared into the middle distance as putrid green flames dribbled out of the void and down his cheeks like slime, leaving caustic acid burns in their wake. Orcus's entire face twisted as he closed his great lidless eyes and gave a tired, relieved smile.

“Thank you.” he whispered, just loud enough that everyone within six hundred feet could hear it clearly. Orcus then gently placed her down and released her. Thick, ropey strands of slime hung between them as Orcus stood. One snapped and slapped Luna in chest. She didn't seem to respond and continued to stare off into the void.

“Well.” Twilight said, approaching Luna, a note of caution in her overall chipper voice. Luna's shrunken mouthed, bug eyed stare wasn't exactly comforting. “It looks like we all learned a valuable lesson about the power of friendship.” She paused in front of Luna, her horn glowing as a quill and parchment drifted from behind her back. “Luna, would you like to do the honors?”

Luna slowly swung her head to look at Twilight, and then at the parchment. Realization sunk in, and then Twilight watched as her eyes’ pupils shrank to pinpricks and her mouth ripped open in a snarl.

“No!” Luna shouted, slamming her two front hooves into the ground, splattering mud everywhere. “No! No no no!” She began scrambling to her feet in a spastic flurry of motion, barely steadied herself, and then turned and hissed at Twilight.

“Everypony on this star forsaken rock is. Fucking. INSANE!”

And with that, Luna's horn gave a solar flare of silver light, and, with a flash, a percussive clap of thunder, and a shock-wave of hot herbally flavored mud, she vanished leaving stunned silence in her wake.

~*~*~

Twilight wiped the mud from her eyes and blinked, finding a black scorched crater where the Princess had been. She turned to her friends, her jaw hanging open and her eyes quivering. They were all standing around, trying to find something to look at in confusion. Orcus was trying desperately to hide himself in the folds of flesh where his neck should have been.

“Was it... was it something I said?” Twilight asked, almost on the verge of tears.

“Nah sugahcube.” Applejack said while walking forward. “Luna's just had a real stressful day. I bet ya a good night's rest and she will be back here, apologizin'.” She grabbed Twilight in a big old hug. “Everything will be right as rain come morning. Trust me.” Soon, the other four were around Twilight, adding their limbs to the hug and their murmurs of agreement.

After the tender moment passed, the six untangled.

“Thank girls.” Twilight said, smiling. She stood, resisting the urge to shake herself dry and get her friends covered with more mud. Then, suddenly, her face dropped, and she smacked herself in the face.

“What's the matter dear?”

“I forgot to ask her about that howling from coming Canterlot this morning.”

The others chuckled.

“I'm telling you,” Rainbow Dash said as she lifted into the air. “Two hydras. Fighting.” With that she began to weave her forearms together in a snake like motion while basing her hooves in mock combat.

“OH.” Orcus said, in surprise. “WE ASSUMED IT WAS OUR SISTER, MISHKA THE WOLF SPIDER, FREE FROM TARTARUS AS WELL AND COME TO JOIN US IN OUR CONQUEST.”

“Wait, you have a sister?”

“IT'S COMPLICATED.”

~*~*~

The doors leading to a balcony of Luna's bedroom blasted open with a deafening crack of thunder and light, sending splinters and bits of glass flying into the room beyond.

Luna stood, arcs of silver lightning rolling off of her. Her mane, returning to a more calm celestial blue, writhed around her head like the snakes of a medusa. Her armor hung in tatters off of her body, which rippled and shuddered with each bellowing breath. Each breath came out of the whole of her face in a great huff, more like an enraged bull than a pony princess, and her eyes, consumed with a glowing white light, pulsed in rhythm with her enraged huffs. After a few moments, her breathing slowed and hair began to fall into a more traditional flow, although still in wild, individual strands. The glow, with a final pulse, faded from her eyes.

Luna closed her eyes, let out a shuddering sigh, and opened them, looking into the room beyond.

There, sitting at her coffee table, was her sister, Celestia.

Celestia's face was, for a split second longer at least, hanging wide in shock. The emotions on her face changed rapidly at that point. Hurt. Shame. Indecision. Determination. Then, finally, that eternal calm.

Luna's stare remained unchanged. It bored straight through her sister, hard, and condemning.

Celestia's eternal stoicism was somewhat marred, when, suddenly, the corner's of her mouth turned up.

“I tried to warn you.”

Luna let out a deafening howl and hurled herself at her sister.

~*~*~

Luna's bedroom was a wreck. Of her bed and coffee table, nothing existed save for a mangled mattress, ash, and thousands of splinters embedded a fraction of an inch in the south stone wall in the rough shape of the shield Celestia had thrown up to defend herself. Along the walls was a series of cracked outlines roughly in the shape of Luna's bookshelves, and beneath them, the remains of said shelves. Luna had at least the presence of mind to dump the books aside before hurling them at her sister. Anyone could see this if they wanted, particularly since one of the massive metal doors was barely attached to the frame, and the other was twenty feet away, lying in what was left of the floor, crumpled around what was left out of Luna's writing desk. Of course, no one was around to, given that they had all fled the wing when every single piece of glass in it shattered simultaneously.

It had been a long night for everypony.

The two sisters sat on the aforementioned mattress, the younger curled against the older, who was currently using her magic to guide a brush through the younger's blue mane, finally taming it after letting it run wild for some time. Celestia was having a slight bit more trouble with the task than she normally would. It was hard to see around the bruised flesh swelling around her left eye. Luna seemed much better off, all things considered, although the fur beneath her eyes was matted and dark with a steady stream of tears.

“Feel better?” Celestia asked. It was the first time either had communicated in anything other than bloodthirsty screams or calming coos since Luna had come back.

“Yes... no. No I don't.”

“I understand. I... I failed you once again sister. I should have kept better track of you. Even when I knew you might hurt yourself I couldn't make time to try and make myself clearer. I'm sorry.”

There was a long silence.

“... What now?”

“What now?”

“What do we do now sister, that we are no longer needed?”

Celestia snorted.

Luna turned and glared at her over her shoulder.

“I'm sorry Luna, but it's just such a silly question.”

“When we were young, we were heroes. We saved the world from creatures like Orcus and Discord. Yet now people laugh at the idea and veterinarians stop demonic invasions single hoofed with doe eyes and tea. If we are not here to protect our little ponies, and our guidance is merely charmingly antiquated, what purpose do we serve? What use is a goddess in a world of heroes?”

Celestia sat quietly for some time, continuing to brush Luna's hair.

“Luna, all that time ago, do you remember that cottage we had? When we were still young, out in the mountains beyond the reach of Discord? Do you remember it?”

“...Yes.”

“Do you remember the garden I tended there? All the trouble I had with aphids and caterpillars? All the hours I spent pulling up weeds? Do you remember how the garden looked?”

“It was... a pretty garden.”

“Yes, but it was tireless, thankless work. You pull up one weed, and a butterfly nests on the other end of the garden, unnoticed until its spawn eats away at the roses... What if, Luna, I told you I found another way to garden?”

“Hrm?”

“What if there was a way to grow flowers so that they pulled up the weeds around them? To where they brushed off aphids and killed the caterpillars? Oh-and Luna-what if I told you that growing plants this way made them stronger and more beautiful, and more vibrant than simply grooming them and watering them? Do you think I should keep up my tireless, thankless job of picking weeds if it was better for us both to grow them this way?”

“I... guess not... but, then, what? My question still stands.”

“There is always the sun and the moon.”

Luna snorted.

“Those rose before our births and will rise after we fall. If anything we are a danger. The whims of one mare could spell eternal night-or everlasting noon if the roles had been reversed.”

“Not of course,” Celestia said, smirking. “If the trees and hills could move the sun and moon on their own. Perhaps because the sun, or errant moon, taught them to think and work for themselves.”

“...”

“Duty and purpose are not things that exist Luna. One is a romanticization of the most tragic needs of the moment, and the other is just a fancy way of saying choice. When Discord made it rain blood or cherry juice depending on his mood and played war-games with live armies, yes, we were 'needed' and in recognizing that we found 'purpose,' but that is not the age that we live in anymore.”

“What do we do now Luna? We do whatever pleases us. You are right. As they become heroes they will have less needs for goddesses, which will in turn relieve us of that burden. Its not like we vanish then though. Then we are free to chose what we are to them. Princesses, sages, generals, scholars, wizards, poets, friends-” Celestia gave a playful tug of Luna's hair. “-lovers.” Luna replied with a halfhearted kick with her hind leg.

“Its not like we are useless to them yet. We still can aide them in battle against the dark powers of the world, and they still look up to us as their rulers, although its something I've been trying to curb.”

Celestia then stopped for a moment and Luna turned to look at her sister find a faint impish grin.

“The old pre-Hurricane republics of the Pegasi fascinated me as a child. Don't you think Twilight would make a fascinating Praetor? It seems like something her entire life has been setting her up for.” Celestia studied Luna for a second, the grin getting wider. Luna didn't know if that was relieving or made it worse. “Just a thought, sister.”

Luna turned back to face forward. She let out a shudder and sigh. The tears began again, but they were a relief this time, not a weight. Celestia didn't speak after that, and continued to brush her sister's hair.

After a while in silence, Luna spoke again.

“So, Sister, where were you, exactly? All day I mean?”

“Oh, by the noon sun you have no idea! Orcus breaks free and suddenly every other nation in the world forgets its treaties with Equestria! I've been running everywhere putting out fires. I spent most of the mid-morning reminding the Patriarch of the Dragonflight who exactly saved him as an egg the last time Orcus walked the earth so I could get his help evacuating the eastern seaboard if Orcus couldn't be stopped at Ponyville. Then I spent a wonderful time explaining to the Griffish ambassador that, yes, we were aware of his Imperial Majesty the Tsar's secret unicorn-hunting unit, and that, yes, I really was willing to pay that much for them if they could kill a lich half as well as they killed dummies dressed like Shining Armor. I imagine his Esteemed Holiness was not pleased when he got that message, and I am sure I will hear no end of it. Then there was warning Twilight of what was about to happen and making sure they had the Elements at hand, and that they had the vehicles and mages to evacuate Ponyville should things turn south-and you know, I still can't believe Fluttershy talked down Orcus, of all things. I was honestly betting they'd just kill him or seal him up in Tartarus, again.” Celestia sighed. “And then, finally, I had to stop doing all of that, every five minutes or so, to tell the latest two-bit conjurer who happened to read the ley-lines this morning that, yes, I was in fact aware of a powerful malignant magical force to the south, and that, yes, it was handled, and that, no, I would not be needing their Great and Powerful help.”

Celestia sighed again.

“Its been an exhausting day... why did you ask? What? Did you think I was getting a hooficure?”

“Hehehe... ah-ha-ha...” Luna grinned a massive toothy grin as her chuckling tapered off into a nasally squeak.

Celestia stared, shocked and wide eyed at Luna. Then she began laughing. Then she kept laughing, building in volume until she was crying and letting out great, high, gasping fits of laughter. Still laughing she tackled Luna with her forehooves, falling into her and hugging her tightly, as the two of them laid on that ruined bed, laughing in the wee hours before dawn.