"Wrong Time, Wrong Place"
By 2TailedDerpy
Hello, my name is Steve Richards. I am in the United States Air Force, work as a maintainer for tanker aircraft, my rank is Airman First Class, and I am 21 years old. I have worked for a year and 4 months on the flight line so I have a good amount of experience working on these jets; however there's always more to learn out there (trust me there's a lot of paperwork and extra shit involved in this job). Things can get rough out there, but it's usually due to human error. Stupid shit like hitting your head on an antenna (which can split your head if hit hard enough), and not remembering your safety procedures when performing a task. Other than that, a job's a job. You do the shit and go home, same shit every day. Your fellow wingmen do make the difference, they can make or break a day for you, so to speak. If I didn't have anyone to talk to, I think I'd go mad one day by grabbing an M4 and start filling up my whole squadron with lead.
Let's get to the point though. There is one thing I don't mention to anyone except my closest friends. I like to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic occasionally. I like to see the fan art and comics on DeviantArt and Tumblr and I just don't know why. I have no idea how it all started, I guess I was like that back before I went into Basic Military Training, my friends showed me a funny video based off the show. So after that, I decided to check out the show for myself, thought I was gonna hate it , turns out, it's about the only thing that makes me truly happy nowadays. Music's gone to shit, TV's gone to shit, shit now even today's cartoons have gone to complete shit; however not My Little Pony, because Lauren Faust learned how to mold shit into pure gold. What can I say? I love ponies.
In about 2 months, I plan on deploying to Iraq. Should be interesting considering all the shit that's happened there recently. We still don't know if their government and country truly has settled down, but I'm hoping for the best. Hell, I hear there are a few places to go sightseeing and to hang out. Should be some good bars to chill at too. Nonetheless, I hope for the best. For the time being I'll continue working hard at my base, training and getting the job done.
On one Saturday afternoon, I decided I'd done a shit ton of work for the entire week, and would just chill for the entire day by ordering some good ol' Chinese food and playing Xbox with some friends in my dorm room while listening to techno/dubstep(the only good kind of music these days). Most of my friends like to talk about ponies like me, and are fun to hang with. I sure do miss them, I don't usually get to talk to them much due to work and I haven't seen them since last year. After stuffing myself with MSG and killing some N00bs, I decided it was a good idea to get some sleep, it was a long day of killing N00bs after all and that deserved a good night's sleep too.
So I brushed my teeth (like Colgate the pony would want me to), and rolled into bed with my casual attire on (cuz pajamas are for pussies). After a few minutes of collecting my thoughts of what I was gonna do for tomorrow, all of a sudden, I heard a loud splash and a squeal. Now considering I had a roommate, my first thought was he just took the biggest shit of his life which in turn, made him squeal.
I giggled at the thought.
But it was when I started to hear loud tapping in a sort of swingy, dance rhythm that I thought something was really odd. I heard an occasional 'thump' as it crashed into the walls of the bathroom and my room. My second thought was my roommate got really drunk off his ass and was trying to get into my room to play some prank on me while wearing clonky as hell shoes, fuck I dunno.
Then I heard a 'pomf'.
Now I had no idea what the fuck was going on.
My heart started racing, I didn't know what I should do. Get up and fight whatever the hell broke into my room from God knows where? Or maybe call 911 and get Security Forces involved? I decided to push all that aside and did what a good airman should do in a situation that seemed suspicious.
Investigate.
I sucked up my pride, with my heart still beating out of my chest, and got out of my bed to make my way to the intruder. On the way to the corner, I grabbed my binder I used for work with all my paperwork in it for good measure, it could come in handy if things got rough. I got up right to the corner, took a deep breath, and slowly creeped to see whatever could be breaking into my room for whatever reason. I looked to see nothing there, I sighed with relief. Then, I slowly tip-toed my way to the second corner which lead to my bathroom. It was then that it happened, something I wasn't quite ready for in my entire life.
A pony, specifically, from what it looked like, an Equine pony. I turned the lights on, which startled the living daylights out of me and the pony, since it squeaked. I took a closer look to realize that it wasn't just any equine, it was the fan favorite Derpy Hooves, wings, derped eyes and all. I was astonished, Derpy Hooves in my own room!! But as soon as the excitement, so did the dark, depressing truth of it.
"Um... M...mmister? Wh... where are we.. um... exactly?" She asked innocently with those adorable, crossed eyes. She was afraid, but curious too.
I let my arms go limp and dropped the binder in my hand in the process. I had no words for her, I was awestruck. I slowly dropped to my knees and started to tear up a bit. I stared at her for a bit, deciding what to do next. I decided that all I could do was lean in and hug her, which was exactly what I did. I put my face in her soft fur on the side of her body and sobbed hard. I was mixed with so much happiness and sadness I didn't know what to do at that point.
I could only imagine what she thought of me at that moment. A giant beast that could easily take her down just lost all motivation to fight and decided to cry at the mere sight of her for some reason. Hopefully, I wasn't being offensive then, like I just got insanely scared of her eyes or something. I just stayed there and cried until, after a minute, I felt light patting on my upper back.
"It's okay Mister, everything's gonna be okay."
"Wrong Time, Wrong Place"
Chapter 2
By 2TailedDerpy
That comment she made to me had only made my sobs grow stronger. Goddamnit why was she so cute? It's like she knew how to kill me inside! That wall-eyed expression, those big, sparkly derped eyes, her adorable mane and tail. How could I let her see me like this if I was a complete mess? I couldn't help it, my dreams had come true, but at the worst possible time in my life! If anyone saw her here it could mean automatic dishonorable discharge and forfeiture of pay. I could not let that happen, and at the same time, I couldn't let her go if it meant she'd stay in this world. I was not about to let anything happen to her, not if I had anything to say about it.
My other question was, why me? Why of all the people in the world was it me she came to and not to someone whose life wasn't so complicated and could afford to keep a pony? It wasn't really the fact that she was a pony, but a PEGASUS pony. That wouldn't go over so well with Chief Master Sergeants or Commanders of the base, rank Lt. Colonel and higher!
Well no use pondering if I don't have any info on how the hell she got here in the first place. I sucked up my tears (for the most part) and attempted to ask her some questions.
"U... uhm... *ahem*" I shakily started. Damn it, you're a military man, ACT LIKE ONE. "S... so um, what happened to cause you to get to, what it looks like, my bathroom in the middle of the night Miss... uhm...?" I already knew who she was but there were already too many questions to be answered so I just left it at that (of how I don't know who she is to not complicate things further).
"Well uhm..." She started adorably nervous. "Uh my name is Ditzy Doo, but my friends call me Derpy Hooves. I guess people just call me that cuz I'm sort of a klutz since I work as a mail pony and sometimes I just sometimes crash into stuff but..."
"Focus Derpy, just tell me how you got here." Couldn't help but smile at her personality. She was so funny how she got sidetracked, and also every time she blinked her eyes were in a different position.
"Ok well, I was making a delivery to someone in The Everfree Forest by the name of... Zebracora I think? Anyways, I was checking the letter to see the address, and since it was just, you know, The Everfree Forest, I figure I just fly around to find her house (whatever it looked like). I took another look at the letter and I looked up again and ran into a tree. I lost control and was spinning all over the place. I hit my head (I think) and blacked out. Next thing I knew I was in your... toilet... ughhhh."
"I'm so sorry to hear that, uhm, I guess I could let you crash with me. I really don't think anyone else here would really react well to you."
"Why, don't you have talking ponies around here?"
"Not exactly, there aren't any ponies around here, and they certainly don't talk if there were any."
"That's terrible! We should teach them to talk Mister! Let's go right now! This is an emergency!"
"Wait what?" I wasn't about to let her get caught out there and let her get my ass arrested. "No no no, listen, the place you're at now is completely different from your home!"
She was trying to turn the knob on my door to get out in an adorable fashion. "BUT WE GOTTA TEACH THOSE PONIES TO TALK OR I WILL HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE!" She, all of sudden, stopped dead still. "Well, actually, I never really did have friends to begin with... I... always wanted friends. Nobody would talk to me because they said I was different. They said I looked goofy, and talked goofy, and acted goofy and I just wanted to talk to them and they... wouldn't... and..."
She started to silently sob to herself soon afterwards. That broke me up inside, because I wanted to cry so hard too; however, she was in desperate need of someone to talk to. Just as I thought, she was singled out as being too unique. I decided to comfort her as best I could in her new world that she was going to live in.
"Look, everything is going to okay alright?"
"EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO OKAY!! NOBODY'S GOING TO BE MY FRIEND NOW!!"
"Hey! Please quiet down okay? Look, trust me when I say that I promise I will be your friend, free of charge, no strings attached."
"YOU'RE LYING!!"
"No please I'm serious Derpy Hooves. To be honest, you're the one thing I wanted to see in this shithole of a life."
She paused for a moment. It looked like the tears stopped flowing. "R...Really? You're not just saying that?"
"No I Pinkie promise I'll be the best friend you ever had and I'll get you a really good muffin and-"
"OHMYCELESTIA, MUFFINS!" After bouncing for a few seconds up and down, she stopped, and started to think a little. "Wait, how did you know I liked muffins so much and about Pinkie promises?"
"Uhmma uhm" CHANGE THE DAMN SUBJECT "uh hey how 'bout I show you my Xbox and the rest of my room eh?
She was still raising an eyebrow, but after a second she gave an "Okie Dokie!" And I proceeded to show her the little amount of things to do in my room.
After playing some first person shooters and some fighting games, I decided it was a good idea to get a quick nap in. She kept getting startled by everything I was doing in the game. It was again, adorable, I couldn't help but d'awww and laugh at the same time. She clung to me hard at one point when I got shot and killed. I stopped dead still and blushed hard, I hoped to Celestia (LOL) she didn't see me because I think I was smiling uncontrollably. After all, I was being hugged by a fan favorite! I think she finally realized what she was doing and quickly let go, followed by a scowl. I couldn't help but giggle a little.
The next day was pretty normal. I decided to go out and get some food at the chow hall for the two of us. I told her, of the rare occasion that somebody DOES inspect the room, hide behind the bed. I got the food and came back, and I was surprised to see that everything was in order. The fact that she didn't knock over a single thing surprised the hell out of me considering her (supposed) record of crashing into stuff and breaking stuff as a mailpony. She saw my wide-eyed expression and responded with a worried one.
"What's the matter, did I do something wrong?" She asked.
"Actually, it's what you didn't do honestly. I thought something would've been knocked over or something." Then as soon as I said it, I regretted saying it at all.
"HEY!! Are you accusing me of being a natural klutz!? Now you're just being mean just because I have crossed eyes and happen to crash into stuff sometimes!"
Well shit, guess I can't really keep this charade going any longer. Do I tell her the truth?
"Alright Derpy, I guess there is something I should show you."
I opened my laptop, typed in "My Little Pony Season 1 Episode 1" into YouTube, and showed her the video.
"We humans have special agents that are able to record footage cross-dimensionally. And then they post the videos on YouTube and wherever you can watch videos on the internet. Usually it takes a long time for them to get juicy footage."
"Wow, you humans have the magic to do that?" She asked.
"Um, yea!" I responded just going with it.
You gotta better excuse if you ever meet an Equine in real life?
"There's even an episode where you were helping Rainbow Dash with the Town Hall."
"OH YEA, I remember that! I loved helping her with that even if she was a bit annoyed with me."
"Hah! Yea..." I laughed. We laughed together. We needed to have something to laugh about for the upcoming day tomorrow.
We laid in bed, after kind of a long, short day and talked a bit.
"So, we really are friends then?" Derpy asked me.
"Yes." I responded.
"Promise?"
"I Pinkie promise."
