Rainbro Dashie

by fitanon

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2864

You are Anon, you are fit, you are the only human in equestria, and Rainbow is your best friend. For one reason or another, mares find you desireable, unnervingly so. This is your story.

You are Anonymous, you are fit, you are the only human in Equestria, and Rainbow is your best friend and workout buddy. For one reason or another, mares find you desirable, unnervingly so. For the longest time, your best bro, Rainbow Dash, has protected you from their advances. One day however, things you have been noticing for a while begin to start piling up; her blushing, the way her wings tend to stiffen around you...it couldn't be, could it?

Published 2012-12-13 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-13 07:20:01 UTC

Rise and Shine

Rise and Shine

You wake up…and immediately wish you didn't. Your head spins as the memories of last night begin to creep into your consciousness. That’s right…you and your Rainbro went hard last night at the bar, as always. You decide to try and open your eyes…and regret it immediately. Your vision fucking -bleeds- as it is assaulted by Celestia’s dawn; apparently you left the blinds open in your drunken stupor. You groan and turn over, squinting. It’s so bright, it’s so fucking bright. Why does it have to be so bright?

The world continues it lopsided orbit around your equilibrium as your feet find purchase upon the cool floor. Taking a minute to double over, elbows on your knees and your face in your hands, you sit on the edge of your bed and just sort of try and reorient yourself. Your stomach holds a large sour pit and the tang of death resides on the back of your throat and tongue. You make a mental note to avoid chasing your shots of whiskey with hard cider next time the two of you go out…not that future you would heed such wisdom, you never did. Regardless of how shitty you may feel however, its morning; time to rise and shine. You shakily get up and blindly fumble over to the window to close those blinds.

“Eep!"

Fucking Fluttershy, she was probably watching you while you slept. You're hardly fazed anymore, as this has become the norm for you. The little yellow pony has been gunning for you since the first day you set foot on Equestria’s soil, and she has shown no signs of ever stopping. She won’t rest until she fucks you, and to be honest…the chances of that happening have only grown slimmer. Sure, at first it was fucking terrifying, but she quickly proved to be inept and utterly bumbling in her attempts. That being said, you’ve never let your guard down…for a variety of reasons, but that can wait, you need to wash last night’s grime off your body.

You stumble to the bathroom and begin your routine, feeling a lot better after a shower.
It’s when you start to shave that you start checking yourself out in the mirror. Ever since you and Rainbro have been working out you've actually gotten pretty cut. You smirk and flex a bit. Hell yeah. Deciding to forego your shirt for now, you head into the kitchen and start making some breakfast. You open your fridge and frown. Fuck, you forgot to go shopping last night, looks like you are killing the last two eggs you have and some…eugh…hay bacon. There are things you have had to come to terms with living in a vegetarian society, and giving up meat, while hard, was possible. That said, you would –never- accept this sham of a facsimile, this imposter, this –lie- as a suitable replacement for glorious, glorious bacon.

You sigh in defeat and pull it out of the fridge. As much as you hate the shit, it is the closest substitute to bacon, and in reality -meat- you could find in a hundred miles. It would have to do. You crack and scramble the eggs while getting the bacon sizzling on the range. As your carnivorous thoughts idly drift into the moral ethics of butchering a cow in a world where they are sentient…a knock can be heard on your door.

Aw shit. Here we go.

Like a fucking ninja you creep up to your front door…your steel, reinforced front door custom made and host to almost two dozen locks. With the life you lead and the threat of rape constantly giving you reason to look over your shoulder, you could never be too careful, and no expense to ensure the sanctity of your genitals was too great. You silently look through the peep hole…

It’s your Rainbro. You heave a sigh of relief and undo the almost stupid number of locks and chains on your front door and open it.

"Hey An-" her eyes dart over your shirtless upper body and she looks away with a blush.

You arch a brow. “Something wrong?”

"Y-you should put a shirt on dude. I saw Flutters trying to get into your window...I chased her off though."

What a bro.

“Thanks Dash, seriously, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life…”

"A-anon..." she smiles slightly and looks away.

“Seriously Dash, thanks for being my bro. My best bro.”

Dash seems to wilt a bit but laughs it off. "Yeah...no problem bro."

“So, what brings you around so early?” You ask, also wondering how the -fuck- she isn’t at all hung over. She -never- gets hangovers. Ever. Its unfuckingpossible given that she outdrinks you every time you two go out.

Dash seems to perk up visibly at this. “Oh yeah! Was just flying by when I noticed Flutters being a creeper as usual.”

“Huh, stroke of luck I guess.”

“Yep! …so…uh…no shirt?” She asks, still flushed.

“Oh yeah! I was just checking out my progress.”

"Progress?"

You grin and flex, showing off your raw manliness that is the result of you and Rainbro working out. Dash's blush goes several shades deeper as you do this and her wings half-lift off her back.

“What's the deal with that?”

“Wha?”

“Your wings…why do they sometimes do that?”

She mumbles a bit, and somewhere in the mess you make out something about flying and muscles.

“That’s right! Speaking of muscles I am really glad I got you here, see, I am worried I may have hit a plateau.”

“A plateau?”

You kneel down and take one of her hooves, putting it on your abs. She would need to get a better feel for your muscles to properly understand your concerns, obviously. Dash's eyes widen and her wings shoot straight off her back.

“Yeah I dunno Dash, for some reason I haven’t really been seeing a lot of gain these past few weeks. Is it my diet? Do I need to get more protein? What do you suggest?”

Your Rainbro doesn't answer. She starts to slide her hoof sloooowly up your abs, to your pecs. You don't think anything of it, after all, she’s your bro, and she’s fit as fuck. She’s probably just getting a feel for your muscles to give you some fitness advice. Her hoof continues to wander to your arms when you notice her wings…they are practically fucking PULSING.

“Are you alright?”

Dash blinks and jumps back laughing nervously. "Y-yeah! Totally. Hehe...we're still on for the gym later right?”

“Of course!” The two of you brohoof.

"Great! Well, see ya there!"

Before you can say anything she's off like a shot. One of these days you've gotta ask why she does that. It’s been getting worse lately. She’d start acting all weird and shit, but never admit anything was wrong, and then she would just shoot off into the sky after rushing a goodbye. Maybe something was going on you didn’t know about? You were going to have to talk-

Suddenly there is a rustle in the nearby bushes, and you catch a flash of yellow. A second later you are in your house securing the locks. You are halfway through securing the chains when you jump back at a knock on the door.

“U-um, hello? Anon?”

Never. Gives. Up. She -never- gives up. She never -will- give up. In the beginning, she would coax you into answering your door with her gentle demeanor and kind words…and then ask if she could come in…which in the beginning you allowed.

Then it started.

Your clothes started going missing, an errant shirt or sock not turning up in your laundry before a wash. Then you began to find random holes drilled into your walls…which on more than one occasion you would see her cyan iris peering through, only to vanish when she saw you catch wise. After the third fourth time, which was your fucking bathroom, you dropped the bits to get your walls reinforced.

When she couldn’t get inside or through the walls, she would keep you at your door, roping you into discussions that would inevitably loop into sex, or questions regarding you being sexually active since coming to Equestria…even what your fetish was. -That- lasted too long. She actually tried to -guess- your fetish. The day she showed up in a dominatrix outfit, demanding in a stuttering and faint voice that you go and withdraw fifty thousand bits from your account and give it to her, two things happened; she realized financial domination was -not- your fetish and you decided to sever all ties with the yellow horror.

This proved much harder than you would have liked. She stalked you night and day. If she wasn’t following you through town hiding herself…poorly, she was spying on you outside your home through your windows. Thankfully you had your bro, she was a fucking lifesaver. As determined as the yellow menace might be, she was loathe to try and stand up to the toughest pegasus in Ponyville, especially one of her best friends.

So, the majority of your days have been spent like this, doing anything and everything in your power to keep that yellow bitch away from you…that yellow bitch who is still knocking on your door and faintly calling your name. You ignore the Flutterapist and finish securing your front door from invasion, before springing back over to your stove and saving your breakfast from burning to a fucking crisp.

You eventually finish eating, the knocking thankfully having stopped after a few minutes. You quickly get dressed and grab your gym bag and, after again checking through the peephole, exit your home. You immediately notice something on the ground; upon closer inspection you realize it to be a book. You glance around to make sure the coast is clear before bending down to pick it up.

It’s a pony physiology book. Specifically pegasus physiology. You flip through it briefly…seems legit. You consider reading it but you've got plans with your bro, after all the two of you can share a laugh about it later. You briefly open your door and throw it onto the kitchen table before closing and locking your door. As you turn the key you hear the multitude of locks and chains affixing themselves of their own accord. Goddamn you are glad you splurged for the arcane lock system, even -if- you could only afford half of the spell making it only usable from the outside. You take one last cautionary look around before making your way into Ponyville.

As usual, the mares all give you the eyes as you pass through town. This was another fact about your life here; you were apparently hot…very hot…in fact the very sight of you made nearly every mare you have encountered hot and bothered. It was a strange and often horrifying phenomenon…even if, occasionally, guiltily, it made you feel alpha as fuck. Twilight Sparkle had found the effect incredibly interesting…almost unnervingly so. She had a multitude of theories ranging from pheromones, to some kind of extra-universal magical resonance, to an inborn human fetish apparently omnipresent in the female population of ponies. Despite what may cause it, -it- has caused -you- no small portion of trouble. You push your ruminations out of your mind as you see the gym. You're almost-

"Well howdy there sugarcube!"

Your blood turns to ice water. You whip around to see…Applejack, and she’s clearly checking you out.

"Lookin' good there Anon."

“T-thanks…” You blurt out before backing away.

She licks her lips. "See ya been hittin' them weights."

“Y-yep! I am actually supposed to be at the gym with Rainbow so I should probably get going-”

She grins and steps forward. "Ah got a better idea pard'ner-"

You don’t like where this is going.

"-why don't you and ah find us a cozy spot-"

She steps closer.

"-get ta know each other a bit better-"

She steps even closer.

"-and ah rut yer buckin' brains out."

“I uh, I appreciate the offer but I think I’d rather work out with my bro so-“

"Ah wasn't askin' sugarcube."

You frown.

“Well that’s obvious, but what are you gonna do? Knock me out and drag me away in broad daylight right here in the middle of town?

"That's the general idea Anon."

Well shit. That said, this really didn’t surprise you. Terrify? Of course, but not surprise. This was how Applejack worked. She was the second paramour to continuously try and nab you, and her methods could be compared to Fluttershy like night and day. Fluttershy was quiet, and stalkerish, and creepy. Applejack was loud, forceful, and unafraid to try and take what she wanted, that of course being you. What made Applejack so much fucking scarier was that, if it hadn’t been for your Rainbro, she would have succeeded long ago.

You still remember how -that- started…

It had been a party Rainbow dragged you to. Her friends were attending as well as most of the ponies in Ponyville, the occasion escapes you at the moment, but considering it was hosted by Pinkie it could have been celebrating the last leaf falling from a tree at the end of fucking autumn, the fact you drank yourself into oblivion that night is probably playing no small part in your difficulty remembering.

Regardless, it started out innocently enough. Applejack had challenged you to a drinking contest. You, being an idiot and half in the bag already happily accepted, despite your bro warning you otherwise. You and Applejack started putting the mugs of cider away like champs, each getting considerably more inebriated…or so you thought.

Soon enough however you were completely ducking frunk and she was deemed the victor. Being a good sport, she offered to help you upstairs so you could lie down, an offer your booze-fucked mind saw no reason to turn down. Applejack herself seemed pretty fucked up, giggling and stumbling and slurring as she guided you up the stairs and into the bedroom.

She helped you into bed and then turned to walk out of the room…much straighter and more coordinated than she had been on the trip there for some reason. It’s when she shut the door and turned back toward you with a grin that your drunken mind put the pieces together. She had gotten you shitfaced and faked being drunk to get you in the sack, the fucking bitch. Your stupid ass was too wasted to do much of anything other than feebly try and back away as she advanced on you…much like how she was in the present.

You snap out of your stupor as she draws closer. Shit, this was bad; despite your increased physical prowess you know you can't outrun her, and you wonder if anypony would actually try and stop her. God knows that haven’t tried to do -shit-, Rainbow excluded, to try and protect you from her or Fluttershy.

Just as hope seems lost however…you are saved. Just like that night, when your Rainbro kicked down that bedroom door and pulled that fucking would-be rapist off of you in the knick of time, she lands between you and Applejack now with the speed and impact of a missile. She throws her mane back and glares daggers at the apple family hick like a fucking BOSS.

"Back off AJ Anon's with me." Rainbow spits.

Applejack snorts. “Is that right?"

Rainbow doesn't move or respond, she just continues to stare at Applejack venomously…and to your amazement the cowpony backs down.

"Alright Anon, guess I'll give ya a pass...this time..."

You sigh with relief. This was new; it usually took a lot more to dissuade the apple farmer from assaulting you. That said you were sure as shit not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Applejack makes to canter past Rainbro, when she suddenly whips around and places her snout in her ear. She keeps her eye on you while quickly and steadily whispering something into your bro's ear. As she does, you see Dash's face grow progressively redder as her wings slowly lift off her back, eventually going rigid.

Apparently satisfied, Applejack trots past Rainbro and reaches you.

"You know Anon..." she says quietly. "Ya really should ask why that happens...with 'er wings ah mean."

She slaps your ass with her tail before going on her way, whistling to herself.

Fucking bitch.

You walk up to your bro. “You alright?”

Rainbow doesn't respond, her eyes are locked ahead and again her wings seem to have a heartbeat of their own. Out of curiosity, you kneel down and give one of them a poke. She yelps and shoots into the air.

"D-don't do that Anon!"

“Shit! Sorry. Do they hurt or something?”

"N-no...actually they..."

“They?”

She shakes her head violently. "Nevermind. Let’s hit the gym."

“Agreed. Thanks for the save bro.”

"Yeah...no problem Anon."

As the two of you make your way to the gym you wonder why it is she's been looking so down lately when you call her your bro.

Fuck it; it’s time to work out.