It was the knocking that woke Twilight.
It was midnight. Why someone was knocking on her door at midnight was beyond her, and she’d just gotten to sleep. She glanced out the window, seeing Pinkie in front of the door, standing in the rain, mane flattened. Whatever she wanted, it looked serious. She stumbled downstairs, still half-asleep, and grabbed the door with her magic, yanking it open. Pinkie just stood there, staring. Twilight started to talk in an attempt to get Pinkie to respond.
“Pinkie, are you-“
“I’m dying.”
That simple sentence, those two words, completely silenced Twilight. She didn’t know what to say. She’d never been in any situation like this. What made it worse was the way Pinkie had said it. There was no panic, no worry, no anything. Her voice remained completely neutral. Pinkie noticed Twilight wasn’t going to respond anytime soon and decided to elaborate.
“It was a toxin. A natural one, produced by about three, no, four plants in the Everfree. I didn’t know Golden Rose was one of those. Last time I trust a guide book written in Canterlot.” She smiled as she said this, despite the grim message. She continued, “Should take about, I don’t know, half an hour to take effect, attack the heart, and…” she trailed off.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because there’s something you need to see. And it can’t wait. Could you do me a favour and get Applejack, and meet me back at Sugarcube Corner in five minutes.” With that, she sprinted away, not even waiting for a response.
It was the knocking that woke Applejack.
“What in tarnation?” she grumbled as she stumbled down the hall to the front door, noting that nopony else seemed to have been awoken by whoever was mad enough to knock on the front door at two minutes past midnight. She opened the door and was greeted by a flash of purple light, and a sickening falling sensation. When her vision returned, she found herself in Sugarcube Corner, the lights turned off, and Twilight getting up off the floor.
“Twi’, do you mind explaining what the hay you’re doing waking me up in the middle of the night and teleportin’ me to Sugarcube Corner. I’m pretty sure-“
“Pinkie’s dying.”
The same words had an almost identical effect on Applejack. She just stared at Twilight, as if she’d grown an extra head.
“Pinkie? We’re here. Where are you?” Twilight called out.
“In the basement. Come dow-AAAAGH!” Pinkie screamed. Twilight and Applejack both darted into the basement, where Pinkie was in the middle of a pile of boxes, pulling herself up. She saw her friends and gave them a weak smile. “Turns out, only had a couple of minutes. Whadda you know?”
“Pinkie, why are you down here?” Twilight asked.
“Help me find a particular crate, about my size. It’s got ‘Pinkie’s Property’ written on it.”
The three of them got to work, and it wasn’t long before Applejack called out, “Found it! Over here.” Pinkie and Twilight rushed over, and Pinkie nodded. She extended a pink hoof, and pulled back the front before stumbling in. The two remaining ponies glanced at each other in puzzlement before following the pink earth pony into the way too small box. And then both quickly ran out again.
“Pinkie, how is this even possible?”
Applejack and Twilight had been walking in and out of the box for the past half a minute, trying to comprehend what they were seeing. On the outside, it looked barely big enough to hold a single pony. But on the inside, it was bigger than the main room in the library. The walls and roof were made of a pink stone, and the floor was an ever-changing disco floor. In the centre laid a large column, surrounded by six panels with hundreds of knobs, levers and buttons. In Twilights mind, there was no way this could have been possible, even with all the magic of Princess Celestia.
“Ah, just a bit of quasi-dimensional engineering. How’s your Advanced Multi-Dimensional Studies?”
“Pinkie, as much as Twi’ here might want to know about this here box, I think we should be discussing what you said,” Applejack interrupted, before Twilight could respond. Pinkie lowered her head.
“Right. I’m dying. That’s all there is to i-AUGH!” She collapsed in pain. Applejack and Twilight both darted forwards, but Pinkie waved a hoof at them. “Stay back! The toxin’s attacking my hearts, and trying to kill me. Doing a good job of it, too. I’ll try to hold it off as much as I can, but-AAAH! I can’t hold it off forever. I need you to do something.”
“What? Call a doctor?”
“Doctor… No. Look, I’ll try to explain as best as I can, but I haven’t got much time. Here’s the basic thing. I’m not a pony.”
“What do you mean, you’re not a pony? I can see you’re one,” Applejack said, “Look Pinkie, if this is a prank, it’s gone on long enough.”
“It’s not a prank. I wish it was. But I’m serious, I’m not a pony. I’m… I can’t hold it off any longer. Just… get back. And I’m sorry I have to go. Hope the new me’s as good as the current me.” Her head and her hooves started glowing, a gold gas-like substance coming off of them. “Goodbye Twilight, Applejack. Thanks… for everything.”
Her hooves shot out from under her, spilling golden light everywhere. A stream of the light flowed from each of the hooves and her face, obscuring her from sight. Applejack and Twilight looked at the glowing pony with terror written on their faces, unsure of what was going on. After a long minute or two, the lights faded to reveal a distinctly not-Pinkie pony.
The new pony was slightly taller than Pinkie was, but thinner too. She had a red coat with an orange mane and tail that came down into a ponytail, similar to Applejack. Her cutie mark was identical to Pinkies, but with the colours switched around. A red horn rested on top of her head, marking her as a unicorn. Her grey eyes opened as she got up. She opened her mouth and…
“Okay, there we… Ooh, new voice. That’s… new. Right, so,” she glanced at her back, “not a pegasus, damn it! Oh oh oh! A unicorn! That’s very new. Never been a unicorn before. Now, let’s see… there’s something I need right now… something very important… Oh that’s right!” The strange unicorn looked at the silent Twilight and Applejack.
“Can you get me a cup of coffee?”
And with that, she collapsed.
“How is that even possible?”
“Twi-“
“Ponies can’t spontaneously glow and change. It’s just not scientifically possible.”
“She said she-“
“This has to be some sort of prank. It has to be.”
“Twi, I don’t think she was lying.”
The two very confused ponies were still in the impossible crate in Pinkies basement. Applejack had taken a seat near the central console, and Twilight was pacing back and forth, trying to figure it out. Neither of them had gone within three metres of the ex-Pinkie, both still unsure of what to do.
“How could she not be lying? Sure, this box is impossible. Not even Celestia and Luna combined could generate enough magic for this, but still. Not a pony? That has to be impossible.”
“Maybe you could ask her when she wakes up? I’m going to go get a cup of coffee for her.” Applejack turned towards the exit, but the unicorns voice called out before she could get more than three steps.
“Kitchen’s that way.”
Applejack turned back and looked at the crimson pony, whose hoof was pointing at one of the corridors out of the room. Confused, she asked, “What?”
“The kitchen’s that way. Third door on the left, big sign. You can’t miss it. Love a good kitchen, or I used to. Not so sure now. Have to check. Come on!” The unicorn stood up, before stumbling forwards a few steps. Before she could go any further, Twilight started a barrage of questions.
“Who are you? What have you done with Pinkie Pie? What is this place? How is this possible? Why aren’t you making any sense? What is going on? I want answers, and I am not letting you leave until I get some.”
“Twi-“ Applejack started before getting cut off by the red unicorn.
“Fine. You want answers, you can have them. Not sure you’ll like them, though. First question?” The unicorn walked to the console and pushed a few buttons. A table with four cushions faded in a few metres away from Twilight, making her jump. The unicorn walked over and sat on one of the cushions, and waited. Applejack galloped over, and sat next to the strange pony. Twilight hesitated, before sitting opposite the unicorn.
“Okay. First question, who are you?”
“That one’s easy. I’m Pinkie Pie, or, I was Pinkie. Not sure who I am now. I feel like a Radiant. Hmmm,” the unicorn answered, before delving into deep thought. Twilight went to ask something, but was interrupted by Applejack.
“I don’t mean to doubt your story, miss, but Pinkie’s an earth pony, and she’s pink. You ain’t.”
“Oh. Regeneration, sorry,” the possibly-Pinkie said, as if it clarified everything. However, Twilight wanted to know more.
“Regeneration?”
“Well, it’s what we do when we die. Our whole body remakes itself, every cell gets a do-over, and we come back, but with a new face, new personality, and new voices. This voice is really weird.”
Twilight shook her head. “Pinkie, or whoever you are, ponies don’t do that.”
“Of course not. They don’t have the necessary Rassilon bio-matrix manipulatory glands. But I’m not a pony. I already said that, right?”
“You look like a pony.”
“Nope! You look like a Time Lord. Or at least, a pony-shaped Time Lord.”
“Time Lord? What’s that?”
“Me,” the unicorn shrugged.
“That doesn’t explain anything!” Twilight nearly exploded, “Look, answer straight, ‘Pinkie.’”
“And don’t you think that that’s a little boastful,” Applejack added.
“Well, I guess it is. And Time Lord was a race. I’m the only one left now, though,” ‘Pinkie’ hung her head as she said it.
“What happened?”
“A war. A massive war that spanned almost all of time and space, affected millions of planets and countless lives. My people, the Time lords, fought a race called the Daleks. The Daleks had one goal in mind; if it wasn’t a Dalek, kill it.
“So we fought them, and everyone lost. Both races extinct, and I’m the last survivor.” Applejack put a hoof on one of the Time Lords shoulders.
“So, ‘Pinkie’, something’s been bugging me,” Twilight asked, “Why ask for Applejack and I to be here? Why not Rainbow, or Fluttershy?”
“Well, I wanted to ask for your help, and I needed Applejack to help prove something.”
“What can I prove? I don’t know anything about Time Lords or Daleds.”
“Daleks,” ‘Pinkie’ corrected, “And I don’t need you to know about any of that. Look, can you remember your old foalsitter, before you went to Manehatten?”
“Yeah, but… Wait, how did you-“ Applejack began, before being cut off by ‘Pinkie’.
“Doesn’t matter. What did she look like?”
“She was an earth pony,” Applejack said, “And I’m pretty sure her mane was big, poofy and pink, and her cutie mark was…” She faltered, impossible facts sinking in, “That just ain’t possible.”
“Exactly.” ‘Pinkie’ smiled.
“What was it?” Twilight asked, although a suspicion grew in her mind. One that was soon confirmed by a quiet mutter from Applejack, almost reaching Fluttershy levels of inaudibility.
“Three balloons.”
“But how?” Twilight exclaimed.
“Tiiiime Looord!” the crimson unicorn sung. Twilight sighed.
“Okay, next question. What is this place? And how is it possible?”
“This, my dear Twilight Sparkle, is a Time and Relative Dimension in Space Type Sixty, or a TT60 for short. Premiere antique in Time and Space travel, bigger on the inside, chameleon circuit, shifting rooms at the push of a button and a coffee machine which I still haven’t had a coffee yet. Oh yeah, and it’s kinda broken.”
Twilight didn’t respond. Her head was spinning from the implications. A time machine. She was in an actual time machine. The fact that it was broken didn’t register until sometime later, by which point, ‘Pinkie’ had disappeared.
“Where’d she go?”
Applejack waved a hoof at one of the corridors. “She went that way, muttering something about coffee and useless lack of black somethings.”
Suddenly, a loud crash echoed through the corridor. Applejack and Twilight raced through the corridors, ad into the room marked kitchen. They really couldn’t miss it, as the sign was at head height all the way across the corridor. Inside they found the crimson mare, unconscious on the ground next to a bench, with a shattered cup, and a pool of coffee.
Author's Note
The incredibly delayed II chapter. Roman numerals are awesome.
