Finding Meaning (Broken Dreams)
Chapter 1
Finding Meaning (Broken Dreams)
By Ponyscribe
No meaning and no purpose,
No reason, always in Hiatus.
My life is so pointless, so empty and cold
So why must I suffer anymore…
It could all end, but then again,
Maybe Friendship is waiting.
Just around the bend…
The day was dark and rainy as I sat upon that building, looking down to the street bellow. In my hoof, I held a small note, the last shred of who I had been and of all that had been torn from my reach.
What is the point? I have no one… anything… only darkness still welcomes me. This town is so small… so happy. I envy their joy, the joy I once had, now gone…
I glanced up into the sky, my brown mane in rain-soaked threads hung limply at the sides as clear liquid poured directly into my face. I turned my gaze back down to the road bellow, a fall which would undoubtedly end my life. Already other ponies were taking notice of my dangerous position, and glancing up in looks of utter shock at what they guessed I was soon to do.
But I gave not the slightest care about them; they could walk on like the rest, what did it matter to me?
Nothing… that’s all I see now… nothing but dirt and gravel, beckoning me to join them. My only true friends now…
I remembered then what I had had before, all I had lost…
My career…
I had wanted to be a poet, a writer, I was actually pretty good at it, but I was alone in that thought. “You call that poetry? You need to keep your day job; this poetry thing isn’t for you. Maybe you should try something else. What a joke!” These were the only replies I got, except my family, they couldn’t speak one bad word against me… my only true fans…
My family…
Killed in a supposed accident, where the convicted stallion was let free even though I had seen it all and knew his guilt, drunken murderer.
My friends…
Any co-workers I had known abandoned me once they realized just the kind of pony I was; nerdy, intellectual, smarter than them. They hated that one in particular. My only true friend had been another poet, a scribe in fact for Princess Luna. He had always spoken wisdom and encouraging words to me, always cheering me on…
Until he died... poor old stallion, at least he died in silence and calm sleep. I envy him.
Is no one around me safe? Am I cursed to destroy everyone I love and more? Maybe I am right, and the world of Equestria would be better if I wasn’t here.
Already ponies in armor were gathering bellow, pushing the gathering crowd aside and keeping them at a distance for what they anticipated would follow. Many of the ponies bellow began shouting up to me, some words of encouragement, others of accusation, and some even questioning me and asking me for my name…
My name… broken dreams… yeah, thanks dad.
Just like my name, my parents didn’t exactly raise me with happy hearts. My mom had been a mere teenager when she found I would be taking her life over, and once my dad learned about it, he was gone in an instant (right after he named me), I never even learned who he was.
Not that I want to, selfish jerk.
The crowd bellow was getting bigger, apparently crazy Ponies standing on the top of ten story houses was uncommon in this town. I had picked the tallest building I could find, and then, through trial and error, made my way to the roof, where I now stood at the edge, hoofs mere inches from the side.
So what if I want to end it? Is that their business! Why shouldn’t I have the right to end my life? It’s no business of theirs what I do with it.
And yet, my eye caught a pair of ponies in particular, one a purple unicorn, one a pink earth pony with the most absurd hair do I had ever seen, both female. The purple unicorn seemed to be trying to use magic, but thankfully couldn’t seem to affect me (I had purchased a very powerful amulet which prohibited any teleporting or slowing magic from affecting me, I wasn’t going to need that money where I was going anyways), all the while shouting up to me to be careful and asking me what my name was. The pink one was constantly bouncing around and saying something; although what it was I couldn’t hear what it was.
I ignored the purple ones shouts, instead focusing my hazelnut eyes once again on the ground far below, closing my eyes ever so many times to fight back my fear of heights.
Not that a fear of heights is reasonable mind you, but what entails a good fall from this height made a fear of falling seem very reasonable.
But then, that was what I was up there for in the first place, to end it, to end my misery once and for all...
All it would take is one step, one step… and it will be all over, I could finally be with my family again, the only true supporters I ever had. And scribbling quill, the old coot is probably looking at me right now and shaking his head and spouting lists of proverbs on why this is the stupidest thing I will ever do. But I don’t care; life has no meaning anymore, nothing but pain…
“Hi ya there, nice day isn’t it?”
I glance behind to see the pink earth pony standing by the doorway out of which I had come. Did she mean to try and stop me? With my unicorn magic I could…
But she didn’t seem intent on stopping me; instead, she hopped right up beside me, and looked over the edge herself. When she got closer, the smell of Cotton candy overpowered my nostrils.
Dear Celestia that scent! That has to be the craziest perfume I have ever smelled… now for some reason I’m hungry. And how in Equestria did she get up here so fast? She was down there a moment ago.
Then, she stopped hopping, and looked down,”wow, that’s a long way down, and look! I can see my friends, HI YA TWILIGHT, HI YA EVERY PONY!”` Many of the ponies bellow shouted back to her, telling her as well to be careful and to come down from there before she did something stupid.
I turned slowly to face her, my soaking wet body hiding the tears which dripped down the sides of my face. In a quivering voice, I asked, “who are you? And why are you up here, don’t you know it’s dangerous being this high up.”
The pink pony paused, and then gave me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. “Are you kidding, when you’ve jumped across gorges on top of mountains, where the ground is hundreds of miles down, this is nothing! I bet we could parachute down this in no time!”
I frowned, yeah, but forget the parachute.
“Look, I don’t know why you’re up here, but I’m not exactly in the cheery mood, I would much prefer if you went away and left me alone.”
This didn’t seem to faze the pink pony at all, but instead made her all the more cheery and uppity. “Go away? Why would I do that, you are definitely in a fix, and Pinky Pie here is going to help you fix it no matter what it is!”
I smirked; I admired the pink earth pony, Pinkie pie I think she said, and her endless joy. It reminded me so much of my mother, and my wife...
My beautiful Falling Leaves, with you autumn red hair, and your golden brown fur, with those twinkling yellow eyes…
Just thinking about her made my eyes begin to tear all the more, which caught the attention of Pinkie even more. “Oh no! Did I say something wrong? Please don’t cry, I hate seeing people sad for any reason.”
For some reason I couldn’t help but wipe my face, although the sad frown never left my expression. “Oh nothing… you just remind me of someone, someone very close to me.” Pinkie pie tilted her head slightly, clearly interested. “Who? She must have been very cheery if I reminded you of that special some pony, everyone’s gotta have a special some pony!”
This only made my sadness greater. At that point I couldn’t help but collapse to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably as the rain refused to quit its torrential downpour.
Quick as lightning, Pinkie leapt to my side, her happy expression replaced by a concerned stare. “Don’t cry, we all have something to be happy about, I got lots of friends, and I’m sure you do to!”
that was it. that statement was all it took for my anger shot out from its hiding place, and I leapt to my hooves. “NO” I wailed, “No Pinkie, I have nobody! Everybody I knew I gone! My friends are dead or have abandoned me; my family is dead, and my beautiful wife of whom your smile reminded me of, died in a horrible accident, where the murderer who killed her got off! So no pinkie pie, you might have hundreds of friends, maybe this entire town is your friend, I wouldn’t find it hard to believe. But me, oh no! I have no one! Still think everyone has friends? Well I don’t, and right about now, the only friend I can think of is that ground ten stories beneath me ready to end my sorrow!”
Pinkie sat silently, as did the rest of the crowd beneath me gathered. I glanced down again, my fur a matted green from the endless rainfall that refused to cease. And instead of the angry faces I had seen so many times, I saw something different…
They were utterly shocked. It looked like most of them were genuinely sorry for me, even though I didn’t believe it at the time. The purple unicorn in particular had stopped trying to use her magic and stared right at me, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. Pinkie pie said nothing for a long time, and as I sat back down on the edge, we just sat there, our hind hooves dangling over the edge of that ten story building.
Finally, she glanced at me again, and this time, her stare was serious. It was so serious, a glance I never thought a pony like her, in all her happiness and never-ending cheer could make. But then, she leaned over, took my hoof, and whispered something softly into my ear, which caused it to shoot up on end.
“I’ll be your friend. I don’t care who you are or what you’ve been through, every pony needs a friend.”
That was all it took. I didn’t know what to say. My tears ceased, my angry face fell into an utter blank stare. I hardly noticed the rain pouring down on me as I sat there silently.
This pony, who I had barely met mere minutes ago, was now ready to be my friend, unconditionally, no strings attached. I had never been offered that kind of friendship since my wife agreed to marry me, or since Scribbling Quill had agreed to mentor me in my poetry.
I sat there, trying to make sense of what I had heard, when a tear rolled down my face again. But this tear wasn’t sadness or anger, but happiness. I hadn’t cried those tears in a long while.
She wants to be my friend? The poetry failure, the stallion whose lost everything and has nothing to show for himself. Can this be for real?
I stared at her, my expression serious, “how do I know this isn’t just some prank you’re playing so ill leave this roof. How do I know you won’t dump me life every pony before you and leave me to rot? What proof do you have that makes me believe your telling the truth?”
Pinkie pie simply smiled, hopping to her feet and extending one of her hooves towards me. “I don’t have any proof; real friends can be friends no matter what. And besides, if you still want to jump, I won’t stop you, and I’m sure Twilight won’t be able to. But I just want you to know that even if you still want to jump, you won’t go out without a friend. Cause no one should die without at least one friend!”
I rubbed one of my ears to remove the water stuck inside it. Was I hearing her right? She wasn’t going to stop me? And even though I was prepared to slide off and fall to my death, she would still be my friend?
My family… my friends… my life… suddenly that all seemed like something else now; maybe I had been looking at the whole thing from the wrong perspective. If ponies were still out there who were willing to be my friend and not dump me on the street, then maybe life still had something to it. Sure my hurt would never leave, and maybe I still had nothing left. But I still have my poetry, I still had myself, and at least there was Pinkie Pie here to be of some comfort…
Maybe…
The next couple seconds were a blur. In one moment I was reaching for Pinkie’s hoof, the next, I was falling, the ledge where I had been sitting becoming farther and farther away as I realized what had happened.
I’m falling! I must have slipped from the edge when I reached for Pinkie’s hoof. So fate didn’t want me to be happy… Selfish Jerk.
Then, I wasn’t sure what quite happened. I remember a lot of gasps and shouts, and a purple aura covering me, even though I knew it wouldn’t stop my fall. And I also remember her, a pink figure leaping off the side of the building and grabbing my flailing hoof, the ground beneath me quickly rushing up until suddenly, all went black…
When I opened my eyes, I didn’t see what I had expected to see. Pinkie and another Pony was standing above me, and a lot of other ponies were all gathered around evening me with concerned glances.
I survived? But how could I? The magic couldn’t have stopped me from hitting the ground, I made sure of that. So how…
Pinkie grinned really big when I opened my eyes, “you’re alright! I thought I hadn’t been fast enough. You really should take a parachute if you plan on falling down buildings.” I gasped, “But how did you stop me from hitting the ground? My amulet prevented any magic from working, so how did you keep me from falling to my death?”
The purple Unicorn spoke first, “well, you see, my friend Pinkie pie here did. When she saw you fall, she leapt off the building and grabbed your hoof. From her, I was able to stop her in the air, therefore keeping you from hitting the ground. Although it seems the stop was a bit to sudden as the whiplash knocked you out. I’m surprised she was able to hold on from the force of the jolt.”
I stared dumbly at Pinkie Pie, who returned my dumb stare with laughter.
She jumped after me? Even when we might not have made it, and we both could have died, but she still saved me. She really is a friend, I kind of feel stupid now for doubting.
I glanced back over to the Purple unicorn who had unceasingly continued her speech on some other note which I hadn’t caught. it was then that i remembered, “Excuse me, but I didn’t catch your name.”
She gasped, “oh my how rude of me, I haven’t mentioned it have I. my name is Twilight Sparkle, top Student of Princess Celestia herself.”
I nodded absently; scribbling Quill had mentioned a Purple Unicorn as being Celestia’s prized student… so is this Ponyvile?
“Where am I exactly? I never took the time to figure out where I was.” Twilight grinned, “You’re in Ponyvile sir, town square to be more exact. I nodded half minded again. I was too busy trying to figure out how to express my feeling accurately and not look like and complete nut.
“So… does this mean we can be friends?”
Twilight seemed shocked at the question, “of course we can, I would be glad to be your friend mister… I didn’t catch your name.”
I frowned, remembering the Jem I had been given as a name.
“Oh uh… my name is… um… Broken dreams…”
This seemed to shock both Twilight and Pinkie pie. “Broken Dreams?” they said in unison, “what a sad name. Who could have given you such a cruel name?” I sighed, “My father did… not exactly the happy to have a kid type.”
Almost instantly, Twilight gasped, “oh… I’m sorry I didn’t know.”
I shrugged, “it’s not your fault, he wasn’t exactly around, my mother came up with some other names, but none of them really stuck.”
Pinkie pie wrinkled her brow as if deep in thought, “hmm, well we can’t have that. How about we call you something else? What do you like to do?”
I paused, absently staring at a butterfly fluttering through the sky when I realized it had stopped raining.
Maybe fate isn’t so against me.
“I’ve got it!” I turned sharply to Pinkie Pie who had suddenly shouted beside me. “What, what is it?” She smiled, “how about Dreamer? You always seem to be absently glancing about as if you’re dreaming about something, and it’s happy! It’s perfect!”
Twilight didn’t seem so psyched, “you can’t call him dreamer, that’s more of a nickname than a name. Besides, he’s not dreaming, he’s thinking. How about Serious Thinker? Or maybe Thinking Glass, kind of like Looking glass only thinking instead.”
I frowned, “no, it doesn’t fit; I’m not a big thinker. I used to write poetry, but no one liked it.” Twilight lit up, “Poetry! I love poetry, what kind of poetry?” I sighed, my attention focused on the butterfly still flapping about.
Suddenly, my voice took a mind of its own and began speaking:
“So graceful and mysterious your rainbow covered wings,
Like rainbows and Pegasus flying all around.
Not a care in the world and not a fear to be heard,
For how could any pony harm such beauty profound?
So fly free sweet butterfly, oblivious to all reasons why.
Fly openly in the daylight sky, so free and unwilling to say die.
How I envy you freedom and spirit, some things wealth could not give nor profit.
Maybe one day when sunlight hangs high in the sky,
Ill grow a pair of wings of my own,
And join you to fly…”
For a moment no one said anything, Twilight’s mouth hung once more slightly open and her eyes wide as she stared at me.
Pinkie pie simply laughed as she danced about in her carefree dance with the butterfly.
“That’s so silly, only Pegasus have wings! But I can dance with a butterfly, it’s almost like I am flying!” Twilight finally closed her mouth, only to open it again a moment later to speak. “No one liked it? How could any pony hate that! That was beautiful, utter magic if I might say so. You’ve got real talent there.”
For the first time that day that I could remember, or for a long time for that matter, I smiled. It was a small smile, but as the seconds passed, it grew. Pinkie noticed my smile first, and giggled as she continued her sunlight dance. “There we go, smile big and proud!”
I did more than that. A moment later I was on my feet, dancing about with Pinkie pie, laughing all the while as other ponies smiled and cheered us on.
Suddenly, Twilight nodded, “I’ve got it, how about Daylight Dreamer?” I paused… something about it hit home; I don’t know what, but something in those words really worked. “I like it… it really does describe me… thank you so much… I don’t think I’ve ever had any pony who would give me so much.”
Pinkie and Twilight grinned, “Glad to be of help Daylight, every pony deserves the magic of Friendship.”It was then that i suddenly remembered something that I had wanted to ask. “Pinkie pie, that perfume of yours, where in Equestria did you find that? It’s got to be the craziest perfume I’ve ever smelled.”
Pinkie pie chuckled even more than before, “Perfume? I don’t ware any perfume silly, why in Equestria would I do that?”
I just stared. If that’s not perfume, then… this just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie gasped, leaping a few feet off the ground. “Wait a second! I almost forgot, I met a new friend today!”
Twilight sighed heavily as I asked, “what? I don’t know what could make this day any better.” Pinkie turned, and bolted off, leaving me to ponder her sudden rush. I turned to Twilight, who was still grinning slightly and shaking her head, “what is all the rush? Did I miss something?”
Twilight smiled, “every time Pinkie Pie meets a new friend, she holds a party for them. Get ready for a lot of attention.” I modded slowly, when it suddenly hit me the exact predicament I was in. “oh horse apples, I don’t have anywhere to stay… maybe I can ask some pony to let me stay at their place for the night, at least until I find my own lodging.”
Twilight nearly leapt out of her hooves, “of course, how rude of me! Don’t worry Daylight; I have someplace where you can stay for awhile. It’s the library here, plenty of books to read and a spare room where you can stay. Come on, I’ll show you.”
I lit up, “wow… thanks a lot! You have no idea how big a help this is. It looks like I’ll be doing a lot of favors for awhile here.”
Twilight frowned, “oh don’t worry about it; you don’t have to do anything for it. And don’t expect every pony here will be expecting something in return for help. Ponies around here are really kind that way." I shook my head, still not fully able to comprehend what I was hearing, “Before today I didn’t expect anyone to even say hello, and now two friends in one day. I don’t know how much more friendship I can take.”
Twilight and I laughed as we left the town square, me with a new meaning and a new purpose, and two friends richer.
But unknown to either of them, that little butterfly, the one who had hung about while we danced, floated ever so slowly onward, and landed upon a small amulet which sat on the ground, its owner leaving it behind for obvious reasons.
The butterfly sat silently upon it. Then, as a single raindrop ran along its silvery rim, like a tear being shed, the butterfly flapped its wings and touched the amulet with its feelers, as if to say “don’t cry, I’ll be your friend, because no one should be without a friend…
