Green Haycres

by lunabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Adventure
Length: 4658

One is clean and fashionable. The other is down and dirty. Can complete opposites learn to get along in a most unusual manner?

When a magical spell goes awry, Applejack and Rarity find themselves leading each others lives. Can the drama queen handle farm life? Can the laidback farmpony handle the pressure of retail? Only time will tell!

This story is meant to read like an episode.

Published 2012-12-12 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 03:24:38 UTC

Green Haycres: Chapter 1

The unusually bright sun cast its elegant rays down upon the rolling green hills, hills that had seen many a sun rise and fall. A large reaching forest stretched nearby, birds flying overhead with no particular destination in mind. It was within this forest, on a long winding trail to be specific, that the pounding of hooves and the shouting of voices was heard.

"Come on, slowpoke, y'can do better than that!" The taunt came from Applejack, barreling around a bend in the trail as Rarity inched her way around a tree not far behind.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this dreadful race, there's dirt everywhere. Somepony should really come out here with a broom and get rid of it at once!" She skidded to a halt in front of a downed tree that had fallen over the path. "Oh, Applejack, do be a dear and move this for me, won't you?"

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Yer kiddin', right? Rarity, when are y'gonna learn that bein' outside is perfectly natural?" Rarity had thrown such fits before, and it was always a dramatic display.

"When all this dirt stops making my mane perfectly unnatural. One never knows when one is going to meet somepony important, so must be looking her best at all times."

Applejack sighed. "Ah guess th'race is off then. S'perfectly fine, ah woulda beaten you anyway." She said, jumping over the tree to begin the walk back towards down. She gave a trolling grin, expecting Rarity to continue the race.

Rarity however seemed to have other plans, and snorted in agreement. "Well of course you would have. You were going so very fast, and kicking up dirt all over the place. Look at yourself! You won't be caught anywhere near my shop until you've cleaned yourself!"

With a wicked sort of grin, Applejack shook herself, sending leaves and dirt in all directions, and causing her friend to shriek in terror.

"Aiiiieeeeee! Stopitstopitstopit at once!" She yelled, prancing in place on all fours as if the ground had suddenly melted. "You're a heathen! An absolute heathen!" She snapped, turning her back and marching towards town on her own.

Applejack just shook her head. "Too easy." The farmpony just shook her head. "Ah swear, there just ain't no reasonin' with that girl." With that, she raced after Rarity, whom although didn't exactly need protecting, may need help getting home if she encountered a puddle or caterpillar on the way back. Heaven forbid.

"Rarity! Wait up!" She called.

The fashionista turned, an amused sort of smirk on her face. "Oh so NOW you're having trouble keeping up with me. What can I do for you, Applejack?"

"Ah had to make sure y'got out of this 'horrible dirty forest' in one piece, Sugarcube."

"I do thank you for your concern, however I think I'll be just fine. We scared off all the ruffians barreling in here on our first lap."

"You mean our only lap. The one we couldn't finish."

Rarity waved her hoof as they rounded the corner. "I could have finished it if I'd wanted to. I just needed to save my energy for this afternoon. I have a very complicated design that I must have finished by tomorrow if my client is going to pick it up in time."

Applejack sighed. "You and yer fabrics."

Rarity shook her head slowly. "Retail is a very demand oriented business, Applejack. One has a reputation to maintain." With that, she disappeared inside her front door. Applejack muttered to herself.

Not particularly far away, another sort of strenuous activity was in progress. Twilight was surrounded by a large pile of books from which she'd been studying. Her faithful scaled assistant sat on a pile of said books, munching on a sapphire he'd brought up for lunch. The sunflower sandwich he'd made for Twilight some hours before still remained untouched.

"You've been working really hard, Twilight. Besides, can't you teleport already?"

Twilight sighed. "This isn't teleporting, Spike. This is relocation. Placing one object in place of another."

"So... it's teleporation," he said.

"It's not teleporation!" She insisted. "Teleportation is moving yourself from Point A to Point B. Relocation is moving Object A to replace Object B at Point B and Object B to replace Object A at Point A."

Spike rubbed his head. "I think my head is objecting to trying to figure all that out." It usually wound up hurting after Twilight tried to explain magic.

Twilight smiled gently. "Never mind, Spike. But it's a very complicated spell that requires quiet, precision, and timing. Much like making cupcakes." She explained, lowering her horn to the ground again. In front of her were two cups, one red and one blue. "Now, I've almost got it, I just need to-"

"Did somepony say cupcakes?!" Pinkie burst forth from the pile of books on the floor, bouncing around in circles. "Oh! Oh! Oh! I wanna do the frosting!"

Twilight shrieked, a powerful magical bolt escaping from her horn. It ricocheted off the walls, sending both ponies and dragon to the floor, before smashing through the window.

The unicorn sighed with relief. That was close. "Pinkie! What are you DOING in there?!"

Pinkie stopped bouncing just long enough to look at her as if she'd asked a very silly question. "I was playing in my book fort. Don't you have a book fort? It's fun!"

Twilight facehooved. "That's not what I... never mind." She sighed. "Help me clean this mess up before somepony gets hurt." She looked out the window. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Rarity was hard at work while Twilight was practing her studies, and was seated at her sewing machine while her younger sister peppered her with questions. "Can I help? What's Backstitch mean? How come you're going backwards? When can-" Rarity glared at her. "Sweetie Belle, I'm TRYING to get this dress done, it might be featured in Canterlot Corner, which is a very high honor."

Sweetie Belle made puppy eyes. "But I just thought we could hang out together..."

"I'll hang out with you when I've finished, I promise. Now run along."

The little Crusader sighed, and left the room. "Never have time for anything."

Applejack was just entering the room as Sweetie entered. "Ooh! Ooh! Applejack! Do you wanna play with me?" The little filly asked.

Applejack shook her head. "Sorry Sugarcube, Ah'm jes' here to return a couple of things that Rarity forgot when we were out in th'forest." She turned, having several suitcases on her back.

"I thought you guys were just going for a race."

"We were. Ah mean we did. But y'know Rarity. Prepared for every occasion. No matter how unlikely." She sighed. "Celestia forbid it happened to rain and she was caught outside without her umbrella. Or boots. Or personal protection caravan."

"Oh... Okay... I'm gonna go see if AppleBloom can play then." She said, and skipped out the door.

"Don'tchy'all stay out too long! Rarity'll wonder where ya went!"

"Ha! She won't even know I'm gone." The filly called.

Applejack sighed. "That filly ain't right." She said, making her way to Rarity's workroom. "Rarity! Y'forgot yer suitcases!" She said, dumping them down on the floor. Rarity immediately emerged from the workroom, glasses perched on her nose.

"No no no! Pick those up at once! They've been outside and haven't been washed yet!"

"Y'know what? Ah'm tired of this nonsense about dirt. Jes' cause somethin was outside doesn't mean its out t'getcha."

"Of course not, but there's germs on it, I won't have germs in my Boutique!"

"There's germs on EVERYTHING, Rarity. Some of em are good. They're on everythin' from Sweetie Belle to yer sewin' machine."

"You take that back at once!" Rarity demanded.

"And what if ah don't?"

"Then it... is... on!" She declared, tossing her mane back.

As the two mares bickered, a bright purple light flew through the open front door, and bounced off the walls. Applejack stared at it. Rarity did her molten-floor dance. "Get it out!"

The magic residue shot straight for the two mares, enveloping them in a sonic wave of power and raising an enormous cloud of smoke, sending both ponies into a fit of coughing. When the cloud began to clear, Applejack looked at Rarity.

Rarity looked at Applejack.

Both ponies screamed.

Author's Note

Wow, what a difference two years makes. With the recent airing of Simple Ways, I've been revisiting this fanfic to give it a spit and polish. It was only the second fanfic I've ever written, and there's a lot of things I'd like to change about it, but I think it's good for such an early attempt. Feels a bit rushed here and there, but a lot of the actual episodes themselves do as well.

Green Haycres: Chapter 2

Both ponies looked at each other, slowly circling, eyes locked on each other as if it were an old Western showdown. Neither one dared to speak. Several minutes passed before either one of them did.

"Applejack?" asked... the earth pony.

Rarity?" asked the unicorn.

Applejack stomped her hoof. "Don't say it like that, you make me sound uncivilized! If you tarnish my reputation AJ, so help me..."

"Really? REALLY? The current situation y'find yerself in, one look at yerself, and THAT's what yer worried about?"

The farmpony tossed her mane back. "Well I look perfect, I always do. Of course I can't say the same for you, darling. A makeover is JUST what you-" She gasped. "My client!" She exclaimed, and rushed into the backroom, with Rarity following.

"Yer what now?"

"My client, Applejack! I've almost finished with a very important design, and now I can't finish it!" She pointed accusingly at her own horn. "I need THAT. Give it back to me at once!"

Rarity sighed. "It's not that easy to jes' turn a pony into a unicorn. If there was, I'm sure Pinkie would have found it by now. She's part unicorn anyway. Look, this has to be an easy fix. We'll jes' go t'Twilight and tell her what happened, and..."

"No!" Applejack shrieked. "We mustn't tell Twilight, she'll think we're incompetent!"

"Okay, fine, we won't tell Twilight. Although ah'm sure she could fix it, but if y'think there's a better way... who the hay else are we gonna get t'fix this?"

Applejack smiled in such a way that Rarity didn't like at all. "Leave it to me, darling. I've just the thing."

***

"I must say, you're in quite a fix, to have messed up such a magic trick." The zebra said calmly, circling the pair who had so unceremoniously burst into her home several moments earlier.

"It weren't no fancy magic trick, none that we did anyway." Rarity huffed. "There was some kinda magic light doohickey, and... this."

Zecora shook her head. "I can reverse it with a bit of speed, but first a bit of time I'll need. The ingredients are rare, but don't despair, I'll have them before you can say appleseed."

"Time? How much time?! My design is due tomorrow!"

"Then an extension you'll have to make, I need forty two hours. Give or take."

Rarity sighed with relief. "Two days huh? Ah guess that ain't that bad. Ah can handle things til that."

"You will handle nothing! Everything in my shop is perfect the way it is! You, Applejack, will return to my Boutique at once and keep up this charade for Sweetie Belle's sake. I will-"

"You'll do mah daily chores for me, if'n y'can even get the tractor outta the barn."

"Don't be ridiculous, Applejack. I'll simply have the butler do them."

Rarity narrowed her eyes. "We're a farm. We don't have no fancy magic and we don't have no butler. Y'll have t'do them yerself. Macintosh'll help ya."

"In the dirt?!"

"In the dirt."

The farmpony pranced on her front legs, making horrified whimpering sounds.

"It's settled then. Y'go do mah chores, and ah'll handle yer clothin' line. Thank y'Zecora, as soon as y'all get that spell ready, come find us at once." She said, making her exit, with Applejack squirming right behind her.

Zecora called after, watching them leave. "This experience could be good for you! Maybe you'll learn a thing or two! Or just don't listen to me... you ponies never do."

***

Back t the Apple Farm, it was business as usual. The sun was high in the afternoon sky, and Applejack was coming down the road, carefully stepping over any puddles that may get in her way. Apple Bloom came bounding towards her in that adorable way that only the youngsters could pull off.

"Applejack! Yer back! Yer-" She looked confused. "Where's th'water tank? Ah thought y'went into town fer a new water tank."

"Uh..." She patted the youngster on the head. "I must have... forgotten it."

"Whats wrong with you? Y'sound funny."

"Cold! I have.. a cold. Achoo," she said lamely.

Apple Bloom just gave her a very strange look. "Whatever. Well ah finished cleanin' mah room, ah'm gonna go find Scootaloo!" She declared, and ran off towards town.

Applejack shivered. "Alright. I can do this. Just two days. I can do-" Her voice was cut off by an enormous pitch of hay landing on her, which had flown out of the barn. She shook it off, enraged, and marched right over to the door. "Excuse me! I'm working here! Were you raised in a barn?!"

The enormous red stallion lifted his head, pitchfork in his mouth. "Ee-yup."

She blinked. "Oh. Well then." She said, backing out of the barn and entering the farmhouse. "Perhaps a few chores WILL be good for me, provided I can do them with style, of co-" Her commentary was cut off by Winona, who upon seeing Applejack came racing down the hall and proceeded to lick her relentlessly.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" She whined, running from the beast. "Why these heathens don't have a cat is beyond me, cats never do this! At least not the civilized ones, anyway."

The cat in question was curled up on a windowsill in Carousel Boutique, sleeping blissfully and completely unaware of anything being amiss.

Rarity was locked in the kitchen, attempting to levitate a plate from the sink. Her horn sputtered and fizzled, but the plate remained where it was. "How in tarnation does she make this look so easy?" The unicorn grumbled.

Sweetie Belle appeared in the doorway, looking mystified. "Whatcha doooooin?" She asked. Rarity picked her head up immediately.

"Sweetie Belle! Ah'm... uh.. jes' doin' some dishes." She said calmly. "What can ah help y'with, Sugarcube?"

"How come you're talking like Applejack?"

Rarity sputtered. "Uh... it's.... talk like Applejack Day? It's a real thing!"

"Uh..huh... so did you get that dress done you were workin' on?"

"Of course ah-" She stopped. She despised this deception, she despised it completely. But she had to remind herself that it was not an outright fabrication, but a.. a game! Yes, that was it, a game! To prevent further chaos from spreading. "Of course ah did." She said, her voice cracking.

"That's great! You really work too hard, Rarity. You should take a break." She said, and made her way off upstairs towards her room.

Rarity sighed. This was harder than it looked. She returned her attention to the plate in the sink, attempting to levitate it. Her horn sparked, and the plate flew out of the basin and shattered against the wall. Rarity threw herself to the floor, showered by pieces of porcelain.

"Stupid fancy mathematics..." She muttered.

The hours passed. Far off in Canterlot, Luna relieved her sister of her daily obligation, and the mantle of responsibility passed. As the sun set and the moon rose, Applejack sat on the front porch with 'her' little sister.

"Y've been actin' funny all day, Applejack. Y'didn't even wanna go mud wrestlin' with me. And y'love that. Are you sure yer alright?"

Applejack cringed at the thought of 'mud wrestling'. "Of course I'm alright, darling. I've just had my mind on other things." Apple Bloom, covered in mud, hugged her older sister. Applejack cringed futher, but a soft smile graced her features, and she returned the gesture.

Not everypony was preparing for bed, however, as was demonstrated by the frazzled Twilight who'd been pouring through books all day. "I can't find it anywhere!" Her eye twitched.

"Are you still trying to find out what that purple light thingy was?" Pinkie asked, sitting nearby.

"I know I've seen it before, I just-"

"Teleportation and Relocation Spells, Volume 1?"

Twilight stared at her. "Where did you-"

"It was under P for Purple Light thingy!"

"...How does that even... never mind!" She floated the book over to her, flipping through the pages. "Aha! Here it is! when dealing with relocation spells, it's very important that one has perfect concentration, and only perform on inanimate objects. When performed on live objects, side effects... may... include..." Her eyes widened. "Oh no. Oh no no. This is bad. This is very bad. If that light hit something... it might have caused someone to switch bodies!"

"Yay!"

"Not yay!"

"Aw..." Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "I bet I know who it hit too!"

"That's great! Who?!"

"My schoolteacher! She was acting very very very strange last time I saw her!"

"That's a start. When was the last time you saw her?"

"Um... One thousand, one hundred seventeen days ago! It was a Tuesday!"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. Not sure if trolling. "Pinkie! That's almost three years ago! The spell backfired yesterday!"

"Then we better go find her!" Pinkie exclaimed, and ran out the door.

Twilight facehooved and ran out the door after her. "That's exactly what I've been saying this whole time!"

Meanwhile at Carousel Boutique, Rarity had been up all night, staring at the unfinished dress that was due in a few hours. A knocking at the door caused her to jump unceremoniously, and raced to answer it.

She blinked in surprise upon finding her own brother standing there, a rose in his mouth.

"Macintosh! What in the hay do you think yer doin'? Are y'in the right place?"

"Ee-yup."

She raised an eyebrow. "Please don't tell me yer here t'ask me out."

"Ee-yup."

She pokerfaced. "...Ah'm Applejack. Rarity an ah switched bodies."

He pokerfaced as well.

She gave him a cocky teasing grin. "Unless you want to go out anyway," she said. In a normal situation, this would be extraordinarily less awkward. But it should at least get rid of him for a little while.

"Nope!" He turned and barrelled away from the Boutique.

"That's what ah thought." She slammed the door. Today was just getting stranger and stranger.

Green Haycres: Chapter 3

"ExCUSE me," A voice said as the door to the Boutique slammed, a rather fancily dressed unicorn making his way into the store. Rarity gak'd. "Can ah help ya?" She asked, resulting in an unhumored look from the unicorn.

"I should certainly hope so. I am here to pick up my order. A bit early, I grant you, but they tell me you're the best, so that shouldn't be too much trouble.

Rarity turned red. "Ah'm the... of course. Of course not. Wait right there." She dashed towards the workroom, only to be intercepted by Sweetie Belle." "Git outta the way, sister, ah gotta-"

"Don't you sister ME, Applejack."

*blink* "How did-"

"Macintosh told Twilight, and Twilight told Pinkie, and Pinkie told everypony." Well, unfortunately that made a fair bit of sense. Pinkie was known for spreading news like wildfire, so long as the news wasn't designated a secret.

"But that was five minutes ago! How did she... never mind. This uppity dude wants his order right now, and it ain't ready yet! Ah don't know nothin' about designin'!"

"I know! And that's why I'm going to help you. Rarity did all the measurements already, it just needs put together. I'll finish working on it, you just stall him. Hah! See? Stall? Because we're-"

"Sweetie BELLE!"

"Sorry!" She dashed into the workroom.

Rarity sighed, and made her way back out to greet the customer, who already looked rather impatient. "Well? Where is it?"

"It's comin'! We're just makin' some final touches on it, as it weren't quite perfect yet. And y'know me, nothin' leaves the Boutique until its perfect." She pokerfaced.

The unicorn was silent for a moment. "Well. I have to say I admire your confidence, but I've a wedding to attend and time is money. And I do NOT like losing money, Rarity."

"Of... of course not. She smiled weakly, slipping towards the backroom to check on the filly. "Sweetie!" She hissed. "Hurry u-What is THAT?" She asked.

Sweetie stood next to something that slightly resembled a suit, mixed with a dress, mixed with a trash compactor. "She had a bunch of blueprints out and I couldn't find the right one!" She protested.

"What do you mean y'all couldn't find the right one?!" Rarity hissed.

"It wasn't my fault!" Sweetie Belle looked upset. "I did the best I could, and Rarity is always too busy to teach me!"

"What're we going to do?!"

"Easy. We stall him. I think," Sweetie said.

On the Apple farm, things weren't going quite so smoothly either. Apple Bloom was bouncing repeatedly on Applejacks bed, singing.

"Get up, get up, get up!" Applejack rolled out of bed, half asleep. "Alright I'm up!"

"Good! Now y'can get started on yer daily chores!" She threw a scroll from her mouth, and it unfolded across the bed, onto the floor, and out the door.

Applejack gasped. "You've got to be.. let me see that!" She took the list, eyeing over its contents. "Feed the pigs... clear the rotten apples from the orchard... spread fertilizer?! Oh no. No no no." There must be some mistake."

Apple Bloom shook her head. "Oh no, no mistake. Macintosh told me what happened. Ah know yer Rarity, but we still got chores t'do, so yer jes' gonna have to get it done anyway."

This was met with a stern stare. "Aright! Just let me do my coat and hair. I should be ready within a few hours." Apple Bloom shook her head and pushed her out of bed. "Nope! Right now!"

"But I can't go OUTSIDE looking like I just rolled out of bed! Someone might see me!"

"Applejack does it all the time. Y'll be fine." Rarity grimaced and made her way outside, Apple Bloom leading her towards the pig pen. "Jes' pick up that bucket of garbage and toss it in th' pen. They don't care."

"Pick up that bucket of WHAT?" She hissed. She inched her way closer to it as if it was made of fire ants. "Very well, I just need to.. just once..." She gingerly picked up the bucket between her front hooves, and tossed the entire thing, bucket and all, into the pen. The pigs swarmed upon it once.

Applejack backed away from the scene instantly. "That's revolting. I think I might faint."

"Go ahead. Y'dont have yer couch t'summon, so y'll just land on the ground."

At this, the fashion-farm mare straightened up. "I suddenly feel much better." She trotted away towards the next item on the list.

Big Macintosh came up beside his younger sibling, and they both shared an exasperated glance.

"This is gonna take forever innit it?"

"Ee-yup."

***

Twilight was hard at work, studying body switching spells. Pinkie was right alongside her.

"Didja find it yet?" "No." "How about now?" "No." "Oh.... now?" "Pinkie! I need absolute quiet so I can study!" "Oh! Okay! I'm gonna make sure you get absolute quiet then, yessiree, noponys gonna be going on making noise while you're trying to study, not if I can help it!" She gigglesnorted. "That reminds me of something! This one time, at band camp, I-"

"PINKIIIIIEEEE!"

The pink mare silenced herself instantly. "Mmmph!"

Twilight sighed. "Alright, I think I found something, but it's a doozy."

Pinkie broke her silence. "Can't be THAT much of a doozy, my alarm isn't going off."

Ignoring her, Twilight's horn began to glow a bright orange, brighter and brighter. With a fierce, otherwordly bang, it fired from her horn and shot out the window. At that particular moment, Rarity and Applejack were both in rather serious predicaments. The orange light split into two in the sky, and went racing towards each of the aforementioned ponies.

Sweetie Belle saw the light coming throught he window and dove underneath the bed. Applejack just stared at it. "That IS a fabulous colour, I must say. I absolutely must add it to my clothing line." The light flew down and struck the two mares, knocking them both senseless.

Sweetie Belle peered over Rarity. "Applejack?" The mare stirred. "Sweetie Belle! What are you doing here, darling?" Her eyes shot open. "Rarity?"

"Sweetie Belle!"

"Rarity!"

"Sweetie Be- WHAT IS THAT?" She yelled at once, jumping to her hooves. "Is that my... no no no! That's all wrong! Move aside at once!" She pushed Sweetie Belle out of the way, and set to work. Within a few minutes of hard labor, she had restored the outfit to its proper glamour, and returned to the front of the store.

"I do apologize for the wait, sir. Your order is complete." The unicorns eyes lay upon it with delight. "I must say, I was getting worried there. Rarity you've done it again!" He took it with his magic, exchanging the outfit for a pouch of bits.

At the farm, Macintosh was looking over his sister, who lay upon the ground. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were running up behind him.

"Y'okay?" He asked, breaking his usual verbal silence.

Applejack rose, shaking her head. "Ah jes had th'weirdest dream. Y'all were in it, and y'all were in it, and y'all were in it." She grabbed Apple Bloom, noogying her. "But ah think ah was gonna miss y'all most of all."

"Get off! It weren't no dream, you went all fashion pony on us! And ah'm done with mah chores before you, so y'owe me five bits, y'lazy pony!"

Applejack looked serious. "Ain't no pony gonna call Applejack a lazy pony!" She declared, and raced towards the barn.

Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom. "Is she always like this?"

"Ee-yup." The filly said.

With the two mares properly recoordinated, it seemed only appropriate to pay a visit to Zecora. The zebra had, after all, kindly offered to help them for the small price of patience. As it turned out, her assistance was no longer required.

"Ah'm real sorry t'put you t'all that trouble fer nothin'." Applejack insisted, with Rarity following suit. "Quite right, I know how upset I become when I needlessly waste material."

The Zebra shook her head. "Between the trials you have faced, and the troubles you endured, my ingredients did not go to waste towards friends with hearts so pure." Rarity turned red. "Well thank you again, darling, you were most gracious." She departed, with Applejack right behind her.

Zecora paused in the doorway, and waved them off. "Whenever troubles rise anew, I will always see what I can do." She promised, and closed the door.

***

"Ah'm gonna beat you!" Applejack yelled, barreling around the corner of the forest loop upon which they so often raced.

"Never!" Rarity exclaimed, taking a tight turn to attempt to cut her off. The two were neck and neck, jumping over a fallen log. A large mud puddle lay straight ahead. With a yelp, Applejack raced around it, and Rarity plowed straight through it. The two skidded to a halt, and looked at each other with mild amusement, and slight worry.

"You don't think..." Rarity asked.

"Side effects?" Applejack shook her head. "Nope."

Rarity tossed her mane back. "Let us never speak of this again."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Ee-yup."