After the Rapture and Back to Life... with Roofie Cannons

by Avehand1

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 2184

The life of David after the Second Rapture

The life of David, after his life on Earth, then on Equestria, then on Earth again. Trollgod decided to call off the Rapture. The story will be finished when David meets Lance, Twilight, and that Polish guy… what was his name? Pringel… Bongo… Oh yeah! Strudel!
Before reading this you guys should read Living the Dream by Kickass222urmom to understand it, or at least some of it.
This story will have some repercussions later in Kickass's story

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-22 17:58:40 UTC

Spacey Awakenings

Hey, hey dude, wake up. Wake up! Wake up dammit! Your in SPACE! Dont you know that?! SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE! LOOK! THERES A STAR! THERES ANOTHER ONE! SPACEEEEEEEEE! SPACE GODDAMNIT! WAKE UP! Or are you getting bored of space? I know i am. Getting bored of space.

Son, i am proud of you for being of space

I AM THE BEST SPACEMAN EVVVERRRRR

*Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep*

Oh my god, why did i program this thing?

*Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep -*

  Oh thank god, it shut up. Have to remember to... wait a minute, if it stopped, that means.

Fuck.

FUS RO DAH!

'Fuck!" A loud thump indicated his falling to the floor

Spacespacespacespacespacespacespacepsacepsacechickenspacepsacespacesapcepscasespacespcaespacespace

He clutched his head "Goddamnit, just... shut up..." He said weakly

SPACESPACESPACEPSPACESPASPACESPACESAPCESPACESPACESPCAESPCAESCPAESPCAELLAMASPACESPAC-

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN BUCKET OF BOLTS!"

What was that, you say? You want us to shut up, you say? Well i say you have to try harder The alarm clock kept on with his morning troll.

And go get a shower,yeeesh it smells like some Gorilla gave birth while trying out diuretic medication... Oh, wait.

"Fucking..." He started to rummage for something to throw at the clock

Wasn't that your mom that tried a diuretic while giving birth to you?

"That's it, this is the last straw dammit"

Ooooh, im sooo scaaaaaaaared, what are you going to do, unplug me? Böring! I've seen BASIC encryptions more complex than that threat you just spewed to me Another thump indicated that the clock was smashed by a book that somehow managed to fly.

"You asked for it, bastard." he said as he slid from his bed.

  "Aah master David, you're awake, i was beginning to wonder if you ever will" He said as he entered the room

  "Oh god, Robert, do you know what i did yesterday

"Ahh, you mean the -ehm- party that you attended yesterday as a end-of-the-world celebration?"

  Huh.

"I only went there to see the looks on their faces after midnight passed, not to drink or anything..."

"Yes master David, and im a Purple Unicorn that shits out rainbows and pisses lemon candy"

Oh Robert, you so silly, making jokes and whatnot

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, so maybe i got persuaded into drinking one glass"

"Pfft, more like thirty"

"Whatever, what did i do after?"

  "Well... you came here with some people you met during the party, dig up the cable for the gate, fed it to the pigs that your dear Auntie Esperanza sent you for Christmas..."

  Friggen' bitch, she's still jealous that i got the family land

  "After they died, you guys drank Chloroform from the medicinal cabinet. Most of you passed out, leaving only you and the fifty-something lady trying to seduce you into bed."

  Damn. "And what happened to her?"

  "Oh, i gave her some of the cookies that you baked spiked with knock-out liquid saying that it will 'make it feel better'"

David shivered at the idea of having a drunken intercourse with an old woman.

"Damn Robert, i don't know what i would do without you."

"Well, as a thank-you favor, you could get showered, and begin working on the electrical gate, the backup cable is in the tool shed, Doctor Ahmed is coming at  to deliver the last three boxes of Chloroform for your cannon"

   "Oh right! the cannon!"

  "Before you go though, please get showered, it smells like a Gorilla gave birth while on a diuretic regiment in here."

  "Ha-ha Robert, ha-ha. You're just lucky that your basically part of the family."

      He sniffed his armpits. It made his eyes water.

    "Well, of to the shower"

Roofie Cannons pt.1 Intros and whatnot

After a shower, some breakfast, changing the electric cable, and disposing of the pigs, he was ready for another shower to   meet the doctor. It was 10:30, and the doctor came at 11:30, so he decided to walk about the old plantation house.

It was old, very, very old, it was over 100 years old. His family by Mother's side was rich, so they bought this place from the original  owners, who wanted to go live the rest of their old lives in somewhere less chilly, and so they made this into the family home.

Even though he may look like a wealthy person, he wasn't.

When his parents passed away they divided the family wealth with the rest of the already-rich family, they left him a sum, and the house. Thats the main reason why the rest of his family doesn't talk to him, they were jealous that he got the house,and frankly, he dosent care. The rest of his family think that they are of the 'elite' social class and were usually arrogant, posh, discriminant of anyone who had less money than they, and less giving. And frankly he thought that his parents had made a good choice, after all, the rest of the family wanted to convert this place into a fancy restaurant, strip club, drug house, and one even wants to make it into a fallout shelter, whereas at least here he could invent, ponder, and do whatever most inventors/innovators/crazy/bored people wanted to do here.

Since he dint care much for money, he donated it to less fortunate people but stayed with enough to live comfortably and to help fund his various inventions and upgrades he had made to the house.

For example: he had replaced the doors with sliding ones that worked with magnets, had installed a surveillance system, the house recycled water, got energy from the sun and wind, so he was basically disconnected from the grid, an underground laboratory, "The Chute" witch was a tunnel about three feet high, in witch you would lie down on a small platform, and with hydraulic technology, take you to either, the front of the main gate, behind it, or in the back of the land, witch was a bout two acres, installed an industrial-scale satellite dish for communications (he called that the Comm Array), a little cart that ran on tracks and was used to bring cargo from the main gate, up the mountain, and to the house, modified his once-uncles car (he was one of the few sensible ones that weren't disowned by the rest of the family) and his motorcycle (with the help of some friends of course) to run on Hydrogen, Electricity, and Gas, he then called them the Hydro-electro-gas, or HEGM for the bike, and HEGC for the car, and he also had a concrete tub filled with water, and a metal barrel next to it filled with Alkaline metals, (yes, he was slightly pyromaniatic). And the Plantation House, the Main Gate, and most of his inventions were monitored by a Central Control Room, or CCR (He loved acronyms) in the House, so that he could check on them, monitor them, and do whatever else he pleased with them (like blowing them up). His biker suit was a normal black, Kevlar-reinforced suit with a jell that he invented, he dubbed it "Newton Jell" What it did was basically redirect most of an impacts force the opposite way, therefore protecting the person. He had poured it in the most delicate areas (like the neck) and parts of torso, legs,and arms.

He was branded "genius" by the thick people who ran his High School/ Middle School, and thus the family (or at least the ones that weren't his Progenitors, the uncle with the car, and the rest of the disowned family) had high hopes for him to become something classy like a Doctor, or a Lawyer, or a Politician, or something equally as boring but that left money.

Of course he did the complete opposite.

he chose Science, and the Arts and Programming

He graduated from High School at the age of 12

Got his Bachelors Degree at 15

And was currently considering doing his Doctors Masters. It just seemed so boring to him, study, study, study. Its all that he ever did there.

He had also participated with Annonymous in several occasions, and was wating to get contacted to plan several attacks on goverment websites due to the SOPA/PIPA acts.

He was 6,3, tan (for realsies, no spray-tan) had a brown-black hair that didn't cooperate with brushes, legal or otherwise, and brown-black eyes. He was well built since he practiced martial arts in his free time and swam. And he had shown an affinity for music. Oh, and he was bad with girls.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep...

The sound of the wrist watch signaling that it was 11:30, and that the Doctor should come right about now snapped him from his spacing. And thus made his way to The Chute to meet him there.

"Hey Robert, is the Doctor here?" He said into The Chutes' Intercom.

"Oh yes, im opening the gates for him now"

"Good" He pulled the levers and cranks for the Main Gate Destination No. 1 As in, behind it. The green light said that the destination was set, and it was safe for transit. He laid down on the Carrier Platform, put on the Safety Straps and released the lever, sending him into an Adrenaline-rushing trip downsloap...

He popped out with a thump from a cliffside and started to dust his pants when a man, probably in his mid forties, Black, of Middle Eastern features, short black hair, thick accent, and wearing the cliché'd white coat that doctors had, said to him:

"Well well well, seem like you have perfected your slide then"

"Hey Dr. Ahmed" He shook the Doctors hand "how've you been?"

"Oh, pretty good, pretty good, got that promotion i wanted"

"Really? Oh sweet!"

"Yeah, listen, i have to go now, so im just going to deliver these" He motioned to 3 three pound boxes that said FRAGILE

"Remember not to use more than 10 milliliters of this stuff or-"

"The dose can and will be potentially fatal to you, and considering that you are at least 10 kilometers from from the nearest  hospital and that the Chlorophorm is a fast acting liquid there's a high chance of me dying"

"C'mon Doc, i already know these things"

"Yeah yeah, i just dont want to see you dead... Who else is going to pelt me with paintballs?" Both laughed

"Well, i have to get going, i have a meeting soon... Take care, David"

"You too Doc" He waved goodbye as the Doctor sped down the mountain slope in his car

He went to the Gate intercom and pushed "Talk"

"Hey Robert? Can you bring down the Carrier Cart down?"

"Sure thing"

As he waited for the Cart, he started planning on witch Cannon to work on.

He was currently making two;

One that was portable in sense that it could be gripped like a turret on Halo, and one that could be mounted on the car.

He was going to start working on the Portable one, since it was the most complicated one, and later he would do the Mounted one, wich was basically a modified tennis-ball shooter. He had already made both, and tested them with some model balls that would be serving as the ammo for them.

The Cart arrived and david began to put the boxes in it, climed up, and pushed the button labeled "Up"

"Robert" He talked into the intercom in the Cart's dashboard "Bring out both Cannons and put them in the backyard please. Oh, and close the Gate"

"Sure thing David"

He was listening to Pendulum's The Vulture while wroking on the Cannons.

He was going to pour Chlorophrom in short metal tubes that had mushroom shaped tips that were contractable when it hit something, the spring that allowed that contraction pushed on a pin that released the chemical, succesfully gassing the target and knocking them out, when he realised that he was out of springs.

"He spoke to into an intercom "Robert, im going to town, im taking the bike"

"Alright, be careful"

"Come on Robert, inve been going there for ten years, i think i can handle myslef" He said as he was putting on his biker suit

"Just making sure"

He rolled his eyes. Robert treated him like a son ever since they found out that his wife was sterile. Damn, he missed her.

He opened up the garage and walked over both of his prides and joy. They were  sleek machines, matte-black, and with a an awesome futuristic design, to say nothing about the  technological advances that he made to them. Cop trackers, and nitro tanks were just a couple of improvements that he had made to them.

He put on the helmet and said "Robert, ill be back in a couple hour.... its 5:45..... ill be back at around 7:00"

"Alright, ill be watching the game"

"Oh yeah... i forgot about that" Today Barça played against Manchester "Well, Innovation before Soccer, ill just watch it on Youtube"

He mounted the bike "Later Roberto" And sped through the garage.