Fly Me To The Moon

by BlackRoseRaven

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9233

Bayonetta Parody. Lots of angel-bashing, little plot, some comedy.

Bayonetta parody/crossover. A Draconequus friend indulges Luna and Scrivener Blooms and explains one of his random references by giving them a firsthand experience with it. Luna proceeds to pummel and shoot everything.

Published 2012-12-14 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-14 01:50:01 UTC

Fly Me To The Moon

Fly Me To The Moon
~BlackRoseRaven

Luna couldn't help but grin, flicking her ephemeral mane back as she looked cheerfully over herself: the dark-sapphire winged unicorn was clothed in a tight leather bodysuit that clung to her frame, black with thin lines of golden chain that ran their way along her front sides. Her back and wings were among the few things left exposed; white leather leggings covered her lower front legs, feeding neatly into a set of black leather belts tightened around her upper limbs, and her back legs were gripped tightly by the supple material, all of the leggings snugly tucked into thick, odd metal clasps around her ankles.

She stomped her hooves eagerly, grinning slightly as her cyan eyes gleamed cheerfully, her tall horn giving a single bright flicker in her growing excitement as she looked up and bounced a bit on the spot, an engraved black pearl swinging lightly on the rope of vine around Luna's neck as she asked eagerly: “And now we kill things?”

“Show a little bit of patience, Scrivener Blooms.” replied a tall, sour-looking Draconequus: his red-scaled features glowered down at her, more draconic than pony despite the ears and mane that stuck up from his head, his eyes black with tiny white pupils currently fixed moodily on the winged unicorn over the wraparound sunglasses he wore. Mismatched horns stuck out from his head, one twisted and ram-like, the other straight and sharp, but most of the chimerical creature's body was covered by rough-looking clothes and a heavy, mottled tan overcoat, dusty boots stomping moodily against the grass of this safe meadow in the Everfree Forest. “Now, I didn't give you the full getup because you already have wings, negating those... swingy-thingies, and your hair is loose instead of up in a bun because you don't really have hair. You have spooky space. And Luna, stop staring at the prostitute and put on your costume.”

“She's my wife, Discombobulation, not my prostitute.” replied a charcoal earth pony, looking moodily up from the long blue-and-white scarf he was holding in one hoof. He was perhaps only an inch or two shorter than Luna, frame strong and athletic, messy white mane and tail seeming to glow faintly. Scars dotted his body: pockmarks here and there, a wicked, C-shaped scar around his collar, a terrible, hoof-shaped mark that surrounded one eye and covered much of that side of his face. Chestnut eyes gleamed behind small glasses with wry amusement and cynicism as he asked flatly: “I'm going to get hurt, aren't I?”

“Oh, do not be such a wimp, Scrivener Blooms. I shall protect thee, my pretty little mare.” Luna said kindly, and Scrivener gave her a sour look before he sighed and grumbled, tossing the scarf down on the long simple coat before Luna stomped her hooves childishly. “Oh, thou promised me! Discombobulation spends all his time referring to us as one-another, and making these... crazed and silly references and finally we are getting to understand one-”

“Technically this only a reference to another reference, to be entirely honest, and you're not getting the actual reference because I haven't explained to you where it's actually from. Furthermore, this isn't the actual reference: you'll be experiencing it firsthand, and I dare say that while this is the fantasy of plenty of nerds out there, including a certain neurotic who shall remain nameless because if named, it will cause a space-time continuum breach, they have never experienced this.” Discombobulation paused for a few moments, and then the Draconequus rose his arms, one ending in an eagle's talon, the other in a gray-skinned, strong hand as he said seriously: “Welcome to the pinnacle of gaming evolution.”

Luna and Scrivener only stared at him, and then the winged unicorn huffed before glaring at Scrivener who winced a little. “Put on thy costume!”

“I hate you sometimes.” Scrivener said finally, and then he sighed and nodded, picking up the long light brown coat with a grumble and awkwardly beginning to wiggle into it as Luna smiled and nodded firmly, gazing over him affectionately. For a moment, her eyes lingered on his cutie mark: a black rose blossom, with a raven feather quill overtop it. The same black rose was engraved on the pearl hanging around her neck... and she closed her eyes, thinking for a moment of everything they had bee through together – exile, war, death, Ragnarok itself – and of how they were bound. Husband and wife... soulmates, and soul-bound to one-another by magic and love. They shared emotions, memories, pain, even physical wounds: when one was hurt, the other felt it just as clearly... and Luna would never have it any other way.

Then she heard a voice clear quietly, and she opened her eyes to look curiously up at Discombobulation as he leaned down with a large, square wooden case in one hand, foam padding inside holding several marvelous-looking contraptions that Luna had never seen before. Immediately, her instincts told her these were weapons of some kind, as Discombobulation said seriously: “I got a little present for you. These babies are special... built from an alloy the devil himself would kill to get his hands on. Don't break these, they're one of a kind.”

Luna grinned slowly as she looked over the weapons: they were made of reddish-pink metal, with thick, rectangular barrels and large, comfortable grips. Over the metal of the weapons, different names and short quotes gleamed, inscribed with gold among decoration, rune, and beautiful gemstone: “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme...”

“Scarborough Fair. Some people have a thing for the .45s... but to me, these are the real works of art.” Discombobulation replied calmly, then he gave a slow wink to her as the weapons glowed and lifted up, floating in front of her before Scrivener stared stupidly.

“Oh Horses of Heaven, why are you giving Luna of all ponies guns?” Scrivener asked in a horrified voice, and Luna giggled like a filly before she winced when Discombobulation reached down and firmly yanked one of her legs firmly upwards, then snatched a gun out of the air and reached down to firmly slap the top of it against the underside of one of the bracelets around Luna's lower limb, and the gun locked into place with a series of clicks before the winged unicorn looked at this with surprise.

She glanced up questioningly at the Draconequus, and when he nodded seriously, the other guns floated quickly down, finding their way to the other bracelets and sliding into place on hidden rails, clicking loudly as they locked themselves against the manacles one after the other until all four guns were attached to them. Luna giggled again as she stomped her hooves, and then she winced in surprise as one of the guns went off with a loud bang, tearing up the grass beneath her rear hoof as she looked over her shoulder in surprise.

“You. May want to be careful, Scrivener Blooms.” Discombobulation said mildly, stepping carefully back from her as Luna rose a hind leg and wiggled it thoughtfully before kicking it firmly once, then twice, to no effect. “Do you listen at all?”

Luna only grumbled, kicking her leg again... and this time, the gun fired off again before Scrivener yelped in shock and pain as the bullet tore past his shoulder, ripping a narrow gash through the coat and knocking him stumbling before he flopped onto his stomach, glaring over at Luna as she winced over her shoulder, leg still raised. “You shot me!”

“The... the bullet missed! Mostly! 'Tis not my fault, 'tis Discombobulation's, he gave me the sordid things!” Luna argued hurriedly, looking embarrassed as Scrivener glowered at her and reached up to adjust his glasses before he huffed and reached down to flick his scarf over one shoulder in a huffy gesture that made Luna giggle, then fight hard to repress her grin as she turned away and cleared her throat violently when Scrivener glared at her. “How do these weapons even work, creature?”

“I don't know, you figure it out. Use your magical powers or something.” Discombobulation rose his hands and wiggled his fingers lightly, and Luna looked up at him thoughtfully before her horn glowed slightly as she rose a foreleg in front of herself, glancing over this before the weapon was surrounded by a faint sapphire aura before it fired off, making her wince as Discombobulation winced and leapt backwards, cursing under his breath. “What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with thou!” Luna retorted, and Scrivener grumbled a bit as he walked slowly towards the two before the earth pony glared pointedly at the winged unicorn, but she ignored them both for the moment as she returned her eyes to the weapon, looking thoughtful. “These are incredible little toys. I begin to understand how they work and why Cowlick has such a fascination with these things, but never have I seen weapons of such design as this...”

“Well please stop shooting them off everywhere.” Scrivener said dryly, and then he returned his eyes moodily to Discombobulation: “Also, tell me. Why does Luna, who can't even be trusted with utensils, get fancy guns?”

“Because it's part of her costume. Granted, it's not the exact costume she wore in that story I told you, but all the same it's close enough.” Discombobulation replied seriously, nodding once. “You have a scarf.”

“I. What do I even do with this scarf? It's ridiculous!” Scrivener retorted, reaching up and yanking at the scarf wrapped several times around his neck, and yet the alternating blue-white length was still dragging against the grasses as he looked flatly up at the Draconequus.

“Well. Okay.” Discombobulation said after a moment, and then he held a hand out, and a moment later a strange bracelet formed, with a large, rectangular mount on it. He tossed this to Scrivener, who fell back on his haunches and awkwardly caught it in his front hooves, then looked dumbly down at the device. “There's this thing, too.”

“What's this th-” Scrivener poked at the device, and a moment later a tiny claw shot out of the rectangular device, a cable violently unwinding with a whirr before the claw hit a nearby tree and sank into it. A moment later, the device clicked, and the machine rapidly began wind the cable back in... yanking Scrivener Blooms into the air as his eyes widened before he was jerked face-first into the tree.

He winced, then flopped onto his back with a groan of pain as a hail of bark and leaves fell around him, the device still clutched against his chest. Luna stared and Discombobulation simply looked calmly over his shoulder for a few moments before the Draconequus said mildly: “It's a grappling hook, Luna.”

Then the winged unicorn threw her head back and laughed as Scrivener shook himself out, then grumbled and brushed away his now-broken glasses, looking moodily up at the Draconequus before the chimerical creature rose a finger and said mildly: “Now, before either of you begin to complain, this is my birthday present to you both. If it's not your birthday, then it's my birthday, and if that is the case then you should be extra-grateful I'm sharing a present with you instead of demanding like a child you give me gifts.”

Scrivener and Luna traded looks, then the male winced when Luna flicked her horn and the grappling hook was surrounded by a sapphire aura, locking itself quickly into place around Scrivener's foreleg. He glowered at her, but she only looked pointedly back before the earth pony climbed to his hooves and muttered: “Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”

“Oh, stop it. Besides, you're a non-playable character, so you can stand back here and hide with me. Anyway, it's already non-canon that you'll be able to see the enemies.” Discombobulation said seriously, nodding once before he looked thoughtfully up. “Speaking of which, that's all we're missing now.”

“Wait, creature, I have not even fully understood-” Luna began with a frown, but she was cut off when Discombobulation clapped firmly twice, and golden circles of light formed in the air around the meadow, hovering for a moment before splitting width-wise, one half rising and the other half descending towards the ground, strange, alien shapes forming in a bright glow between them.

The circles of light vanished, leaving the creatures behind: alien, difficult-to-look at things with large, beaked faces, a mask of red and gold over their features and radiant halos that floated above their heads, but otherwise they had white, polished skin ornamented here and there with golden metal. They were bipedal, standing on large, clawed feet, their arms ending in powerful talons that gripped ornate weapons of gleaming gilded steel. Large wings flapped on their back, and there was something both familiar and alien about them as the five that had appeared all stood for a moment with their strange, exotic weapons, dressed in their ritualistic battle-robes before they all posed, raising their free hands and calling in bright, effeminate voices: “Hello, Charlie!”

“Wrong! Reference!” Discombobulation shouted at them angrily, grabbing his horns and looking both furious and embarrassed for a moment before he hurriedly snapped his fingers, and a moment later the strange, alien creatures dropped themselves into ready positions, one of them crowing an echoing, animal call. “There, fixed! Have fun. And do be careful, it will hurt if they hit you.”

And with that, Discombobulation stepped calmly back as Scrivener winced but Luna grinned, looking over her shoulder as one of the creatures ran at her before she kicked both rear legs back, slamming her hooves into its stomach, and both handguns strapped to her lower limbs fired off, blasting through the monster and sending up a burst of blood... and to the surprise of Scrivener and Luna, shale and thin stone plating, the monster howling as stone skin crumbled away around its stomach and breast to reveal pulsing, alien flesh beneath it. “What foulness is this?”

“Angels. Third Sphere, Affinity, to be precise.” Discombobulation said seriously, as if that explained everything as Luna turned around, then she leapt forwards even as two more of the Angels ran towards her, one of them raising a long pole ending in a spinning, likely-bladed circle of metal. “Yet somehow I don't think you actually care.”

Luna didn't respond as she dodged a swing from one of the Angels, then leapt up and smashed the other one across the face as it rose a golden flail, tearing apart the stone covering its features and knocking it back before her wings flapped powerfully as she used her momentum to turn, tackling the other aggressor's chest and slamming both front hooves down, knocking it flat and making it shriek as bullets fired from both guns and tore through the creature's body. It bounced once against the ground as Luna kicked one leg backwards in the direction of the other Angel, and she grinned as the gun on her rear leg fired off, blasting holes through stony skin. “I believe I am beginning to get the hang of this! Scrivener, join in!”

The winged unicorn dropped to a ready stance as Angels flanked her from either side, one raising a pole weapon, the other swinging in a talon, and Luna grinned as she leapt into the air and twisted her body so she was facing one of the creatures, her frame rolling smoothly sideways through the air and slamming her forelegs into one Angel and rear legs into the other. All four guns went off, and yet she barely seemed to notice the recoil even as she dropped back to the ground and landed in a low, almost-playful pose.

The Angels were staggering, but one of the wounded was leaping forwards, swinging his pole-arm down savagely. Luna easily deflected this to the side with a swing of her horn, however, then she leapt forwards and kicked firmly off the head of the creature, blowing apart its skull and sending it flying backwards with an unnatural howl as its body glowed brightly for a moment before bursting apart into motes of light, pieces of shale, and fluttering feathers.

Luna flew through the air, crashing down on another creature and kicking off it as the gleaming handguns unleashed another volley of shots, pounding into the creature's shoulders and chest and knocking the Angel flying backwards with a shriek as the winged unicorn propelled herself easily to smash down on the back of another enemy, shattering its brittle porcelain skin before all four guns fired off once more as she kicked off it with a cheerful declaration of: “I feel like Pinkie Pie! Only much deadlier!”

“That's all we need, another Pinkamena.” Scrivener muttered as the Angel Luna had just leapt off exploded into light and dust, and then he winced when the winged unicorn landed on another Angel's head and blew it apart, the creature howling as it dissolved before the winged unicorn landed easily and skidded around with a bright grin on her face towards the last two aggressors. “Seriously, Bob. Why would you ever encourage this? I thought you were against violence.”

Discombobulation only shrugged in response as Luna leapt towards the nearest Angel even as it howled at her and a strange, iguana-like pouch on the otherwise bird-like monstrosity inflated. Then he winced as Luna punched savagely into this, cutting off its cry... and then decapitating the creature when she shot a round through its thin neck with the powerful weapon, but even the fine spray of blood glowed with light before dissolving rapidly in mid-spray, along with the rest of the Angel. “I'm against killing, Luna, not violence. Furthermore, Scrivener Blooms isn't actually harming anything. You can't kill a fantasy, after all, you can only fantasize about killing.”

Scrivy grunted in response to that, saying dryly as Luna tackled the last Angel to the ground: “I don't know about that, Bob. As a writer I'm inclined to disagree. I've killed quite a few ponies and other things in my time, some real, many imagined... and I don't honestly know which was harder.”

“Well, you're mentally ill.” Discombobulation said kindly, and Scrivener laughed despite himself, then winced when Luna landed a crushing blow against the Angel's chest before she fired off both guns, the creature giving one of its strange, long howls before the Draconequus clapped his hands firmly. “Good warmup! Now let's see how well you do when we up the difficulty and trade out of the tutorial stage!”

Luna and Scrivener both looked up in surprise before Discombobulation rose both hands majestically, and reality around them rippled before forest meadow became concrete, surrounded by tall walls and with a transparent domed ceiling overhead that flickered faintly as sunlight shone through it. The ponies could still feel grass beneath their hooves, however, and the Draconequus huffed when Luna poked at the illusionary floor as it shimmered a little, the chimerical creature saying grouchily: “Okay, so it's just a simple trick of the light, so don't try to do any fancy Matrix moves off those walls, Scrivener Blooms, or you'll just dive right through and hit a tree. But I'm putting most of my focus into making these.”

With that, he snapped his fingers, and more golden circles appeared before smoothly parting, at least seven Angels forming in the golden glow... and this time other creatures formed as well, stone faces of foals with wings attached to their spherical skulls that flapped rapidly and kept them easily in the air. Luna snorted at the sight of this, readying herself as the creatures howled around her, and Scrivener made a face at the flying faces, asking flatly: “What the hell did you come up with now?”

“I enjoy that you think I could be so imaginative to come up with these creatures, but no. I no more came up with the Decorations than I came up with the Affinity.” Discombobulation said kindly, nodding as he crossed his arms. Then both he and Scrivener stared as Luna leapt forwards, twisting and slamming a rear hoof into one of the flying heads like it was a soccer ball, sending it flying into an Affinity and knocking it sprawling. “I have never seen such a creature so vicious as your wife.”

Scrivener grunted in agreement as Luna flapped her wings once to propel herself upwards, dodging an Affinity that lunged at her before she shot through the air and viciously lashed her horn downwards, slicing through another pony-headed Decoration and slicing its features in half, sending down a hail of shale and stone fragment as the creature lurched backwards with a squeak, its wings flapping wildly. As pieces of stone fell away, its true face was revealed: red flesh and staring, round eyes that rested in its face like gems glittering amidst muck.

Luna snorted in disgust at this, then flapped her wings and propelled herself backwards, avoiding an Angel that lunged into the air and swung its staff at her before she flicked her horn as it gave a bright flash, a blast of lightning shooting from it to hammer into the Decoration and blow it into pieces before it chained down to the Affinity, knocking it flat with a howling cry. Then Luna cursed in surprise as two more angels rammed into her from either side, trying to hold her in place as a third angel flew into the air, spinning its golden flail violently before beginning to swing forwards-

Luna swung both her rear legs up, her horn flickering and the guns attached to her rear legs going off with tremendous bangs to blow apart the Affinity's upper arm, making it shriek as it released the flail and threw it past her instead of slamming it down into her head before Luna shoved both front hooves savagely out and downwards, fists smashing into stone-plated stomachs but guns banging loudly off and firing into the groins of the Affinity holding her in place, knocking them both away from her with howls. Her wings flapped hard, propelling herself higher into the air before she kicked both legs outwards, slamming them into beaked faced the moment they both tried to regain their balance, smashing away masks and stone before her upper legs swung firmly down, guns going off with echoing bangs as they both fired rounds home into the skulls of the Affinity.

The Angels were both knocked flying backwards before they burst apart in a hail of feathers and golden motes, and Luna grinned widely before glancing over her shoulder as Decoration spun itself violently towards her, but she easily rolled herself in midair and slammed a rear hoof into the stone face of the creature, shattering it before her other rear hoof rose up and finished the job with a second kick, the Decoration blowing apart in a hail of motes. Her back arched as she hovered upside down for a moment, stretching her forelegs above her head as her rear legs flexed, grinning in exhilaration before she flipped over and let herself drop back to the ground.

She crashed down low, and Discombobulation rose his hands and cupped his muzzle as he shouted: “Do a torture attack by pressing the punch and kick buttons at the same time!”

“What in the name of Odin's ugly face art thou talking about?” Luna shouted back as she leapt forwards, sweeping the legs out from beneath an Affinity that charged her before she slammed both front hooves up into its chest as it fell, handguns blasting rounds into its body as hooves smashed into stone plating, knocking it backwards with a squall before Luna's rear hooves slammed into its knees, the guns attached to her lower limbs going off and blowing apart its shins and kneecaps, knocking it forwards again before Luna flicked her horn, catching the falling, shrieking Angel with telekinesis and hurling it backwards into an Affinity that was slashing a staff towards her.

Both Angels were knocked in a sprawling heap, and Luna rolled herself backwards, pushing herself off the ground with her front hooves and kicking both rear legs savagely back into the already badly-injured Affinity, guns going off with another loud bang and sending up a splatter of blood before the creature burst apart in light and sound and shale, and then Luna glanced up as Discombobulation answered in a grouchy yell: “Do something cool and violent with erotic overtones!”

Luna snorted in amusement at this, and then she leapt forwards and swung her horn out, knocking the polearm in another Affinity's grip aside before she seized it around the neck and jackknifed cleanly over its shoulder, twisting her body around as she passed before slamming it down on its back and stomping viciously down along its chest and stomach, making it shriek as blood and stone plating burst up around its body before she finished it off with a vicious double stomp, asking quickly over her shoulder: “Like that?”

“If that's what you imagine sex is like, then I fear for poor Luna.” Discombobulation said wryly, and the winged unicorn snorted in amusement as Scrivener shot the Draconequus a sour look. “No, chains and spikes and phallic references!”

“Oh!” Luna brightened at this, and then she grinned widely as an Affinity charged towards her before her horn glowed as she snapped it firmly upwards, and the illusionary floor fizzled as thick brambles and vines ripped up from the earth in a spray of soil, the thorny lengths wrapping quickly around the throat and limbs of the Affinity before Luna leapt forwards and tackled it backwards, the ropes of vine and bramble pulling taut and binding it spread-eagle against the ground, the winged unicorn grinning as she straddled it, horn glowing as she arched her back slowly and her hooves shoved down against its chest before she snapped her horn firmly upwards, and the Affinity shrieked as it was torn apart by the vines as Luna leapt backwards off it and landed primly on her hooves, looking cheerfully up. “Like that?”

Discombobulation and Scrivener were only staring at her, jaws dropped, and Luna grinned before releasing a cry of shock and pain when an Affinity slammed a pole into her side, knocking her rolling before she shoved herself back up to her hooves with a snarl. Scrivener cursed as well, wincing and glancing back at his jacket as a bloody stain began to slowly spread across it from the wound his own body mirrored.

Luna charged towards the Affinity that had struck her, the Angel raising its weapon before the winged unicorn leapt upwards and twisted her body in midair, wrapping all four limbs around it before her wings flapped powerfully as she spun violently in a circle, and he weapon sang through the air as the circular top spun before ripping through the neck of the Affinity, decapitating it in a single slice.

The Angel's corpse stumbled backwards as its head flew through the air before both pieces burst apart into golden light, and Luna landed a moment later with a growl before she looked down and realized the golden staff was still physical. Her eyes widened at this, and then she grinned, horn glowing as she flicked it and lifted the weapon easily in front of her with telekinesis, spinning it once before glancing over her shoulder and using the staff to slap away a Decoration that tried to fly in at her, grinning widely as her eyes blazed. “Very well, creatures, let's see how thou likes a taste of thine own righteous medicine!”

“Scene change!” Discombobulation declared suddenly, bringing his hand up and snapping his fingers, and Luna stumbled forwards in surprise as the illusion around them distorted before the floor turned from cement to cheap tile, and the walls to brick that was covered in tattered posters of mares in tantalizing poses and outfits. Then a walkway rose up in the center with a rumble, the illusion flickering for a moment to reveal that it was not made of pink-painted wood topped with dark stone as the illusion showed, but instead was a rectangle of raised grass and soil and ugly rock before a tall, metallic pole formed at the end of it, stretching up to the flickering, dark ceiling above as the illusion solidified. “Yes, that pole is real, Scrivener Blooms, but please don't abuse it too much.”

Luna grinned at this even as a Decoration shot down towards her, slicing it in half with the sharp end of the angelic staff before she glanced over her shoulder as an Affinity leapt at her back, slamming the butt of the pole into its face and knocking it sprawling before she flicked her horn down, spearing it through the chest with the butt of the weapon. It howled in misery, and then burst apart into light and feathers... before the staff shattered like so much glass as golden circles formed around Luna and in midair, more Affinity filling the area and new, even-more-exotic monsters appearing in midair.

They looked like ominous manta rays, white and gold bodies thin and their stone-plated arms strong: they possessed no legs, but instead long, thin tails ending in golden stingers and floating halos like those that floated over the heads of the other angels. Two much-larger halos hovered transparently over either side of their large wings of gold and white, the underside of these green and strangely metallic despite their flexibility, their backs thick and bumpy with stones that stared like eyes between golden plating. It was their heads that were strangest of all, though: a small, round white dome with three black holes for eyes, surrounded by an ornamented half-collar, half-mask.

They floated in the air amongst the Decorations, flapping their wings slowly, leisurely, to stay aloft as the Affinity rose their weapons around Luna, who only cracked her neck with a grin as she readied herself, calling easily over her shoulder: “Scrivener, look at all these creatures! Stop dawdling and come play with me!”

“Oh, you look like you're having plenty of fun on your own, dear.” Scrivener said wryly, sitting back as he glanced moodily up at Discombobulation as Luna huffed, then looked up as one of the Affinities made the mistake of trying to tackle her. As she leapt forwards and smashed her head viciously against it to knock it out of the air, Scrivy turned his eyes to the Draconequus and asked calmly, despite feeling Luna's roiling excitement spilling through him: “So what are these things?”

“Angels, like I said. Nasty pieces of work, certainly. But specifically, those are Harmony, Second Sphere.” Discombobulation said kindly, as one of the manta ray-like creatures swept down, electricity crackling along its tail before it stabbed this downwards towards Luna, but she easily dodged before reaching up, seizing it in her front hooves and half-spinning with a roar to throw the Harmony into two Affinities, knocking all of them sprawling. “You can go and join her if you want. We'll pretend it's a cheat code.”

“I am very happy right here, thanks.” Scrivener replied mildly, watching as Luna grinned and ran up an Affinity in front of her, slamming her hooves viciously against its body to shatter its stony exterior before she kicked both rear hooves hard off its face to launch herself into the air, blowing its skull apart and sending it spilling backwards before it blew apart in a burst of motes and light.

Luna easily flipped backwards, crashing down on top of a Harmony as all four guns went off, bullets tearing through the creature's shoulders and back, and it gave a howl before Luna stomped fiercely up and down, her eyes blazing as she fired more bullets through the surprisingly-hardy angel even as its armored body cracked and shale and metal fell away to reveal supernatural flesh. “Die, monstrosity!”

Then she glanced up as a Decoration whizzed towards her before she leapt upwards at the last moment, slamming a hoof down into the flying head and knocking it crashing into the Harmony's back before flicking her other hoof down and firing a gun through it for good measure, tearing through both angels. They exploded in blasts of glorious light, and Luna grinned widely before she fell through the golden motes and shale shrapnel and feathers, crashing to the ground below before her eyes flicked over her shoulder to the pole on the raised stage even as an Affinity charged at her.

Without looking, she flicked her horn firmly upwards, and a single vine ripped out of the ground, seizing the creature around the neck and yanking it backwards as it grasped uselessly at the thorny noose before Luna stomped a hoof down as her horn glowed brighter. A moment later, a spike of rock shot from the earth, spearing into the Affinity's back, and Luna grinned as she leapt forwards, landing gracefully on top of the angel, muzzle inches away from its beaked features as she said tenderly: “A moment of pain, followed by a quick release.”

Then she shoved firmly downwards as she kicked off the creature, knocking it backwards and ripping the spike through its body as it gave a shriek before bursting apart into radiance, and Luna laughed as she landed back on her hooves and wasted no time in slamming both rear legs in a savage kick into the stomach of another Affinity, knocking it crashing backwards before she ran forwards and leapt onto the stage, wrapping her forelegs around the pole and spinning herself easily around it to slam a kick into a Decoration and knock it from the air.

Then she brought her rear legs down, body curled alongside the pole, a wide grin on her face and her cyan eyes glinting before she hopped easily upwards, grinding her form against the pole as she wrapped her lower legs around it and spun slowly, Scrivener staring before he flailed wildly at Discombobulation when the Draconequus slowly reached down and covered his eyes. “Hey! That's my wife!”

“That's your prostitute, is what it is.” Discombobulation said dryly, as Luna spun slowly around the pole before he winced when she rose a lower leg high with a grin as a Decoration flew towards her, horn giving a faint glow before the handgun fired off and blasted a round into the floating head, blasting it apart and using the momentum from the gunfire to begin spinning herself faster around the pole, arching her back as she kicked her other leg up and fired another round off into the face of an Affinity that tried to lunge at her. “See? I told you so.”

Luna twisted like living liquid around the pole, arching her back against it as she swung her limbs out, tilting her body to the side to keep her momentum steady, her limbs stretching and rolling outwards as the guns fired off and her horn and eyes glowed faintly with exhilaration and power. Then she grimaced as a pair of Affinity lunged at her from either side, wrapping both forelegs up around the pole as she let her body slide down, kicking both lower legs out to either side to send bullets slamming into their skulls before she glanced over her shoulder with her teeth grit as a Harmony shot towards her back.

Immediately, she reacted as smoothly as she could, body flexing with effort as she spun her legs around to one side of the pole and kicked upwards as she arched her back and yanked herself up with her upper limbs, body twisting into a C as her lower legs rose to the top of the pole and the Harmony smashed into the bottom of it, making it vibrate violently. Still, Luna didn't let go, grinning as she switched grips, strong lower limbs wrapping tightly around the top of the pole as she released her hold with her upper legs and swung both down, tracing a line of bullets along either side of the Harmony's spine and making it shriek in agony before Luna grunted as she arched her back and swung her upper legs forwards, bending in almost a J-shape as she fired several more rounds off into Decorations and Affinity that were flying through the air towards her.

She felt the pole wobble as the wounded Harmony seized it, and her eyes flicked up to alight on another Harmony shooting in towards her... and without letting herself think, she reacted, wings flapping powerfully as she let go of the pole and swung both rear legs forwards to slam it into the Harmony's face. The Angel howled as it reared backwards as its facemask shattered, exposing its underbelly, and Luna half-twisted to slam both rear legs in a second vicious sideways kick into its stomach, blowing two hoof-sized holes through it as it floated backwards for a moment before bursting apart into motes and light.

The kick carried her backwards past the pole, and she slammed down on top of the already-wounded Harmony, armor, flesh, and bones below crunching audibly before she kicked off it and spun around as the Angel burst apart into radiance and shale, skidding back along the stage before she grinned as an Affinity ran towards her with its pole raised. She leapt forwards, slamming both right hooves down into the pole to swing the weapon back into the Angel's own features and knock it flat before Luna landed on top of it before she slammed both front hooves down into its face, firing off two bullets even as she propelled herself in a neat hoof-spring forwards, flipping gracefully once before landing neatly on all four hooves again as the creature shrieked and burst apart behind her. “What fun all thou art!”

She glanced to the side with a grin and a look of surprise as a Harmony replied to this by creating a sphere of electricity between its claws, and then it flung this forwards... but Luna easily swept her horn down through it, dissolving the attack before she leapt upwards, wings propelling her quickly towards the Angel that had caught her attention. It swiped at her with its talons as it darted forwards, but Luna spun easily around the creature before Discombobulation whistled loudly and called mildly: “Use this!”

He threw something towards her, and Luna caught it in midair with telekinesis before her eyes widened with a grin as she drew it immediately close, raising herself up on her rear hooves as the Harmony below her gave a shriek of panic. Luna didn't know what the miraculous weapon was, but there was a large handle clearly labeled pull, and the enormous, square handle with grips designed for her hooves felt particularly comforting... but the sound it made when she flicked her horn and yanked the handle and pull-cord with telekinesis, of some kind of terrible engine roaring to life as the enormous, wide black blade that was covered in metal teeth and barbs started spinning... that was truly music to her ears, as she quickly swung the weapon down into the Harmony.

It convulsed beneath her and the weapon in her grip vibrated violently as it was separated into halves in a splatter of blood, the chainsaw rending easily through flesh and armor alike before she leapt backwards off the creature as it fell in two halves, landing easily on three hooves with the marvelous contraption still gripped in one, grinning widely as the Harmony's two pieces burst apart into shale and light behind her. The remaining Angels were all staring in horror as she rose the huge weapon as it continued to whirr and roar away before Luna cackled as she leapt forwards, tightly gripping the chainsaw in both hooves again as she propelled herself with her wings and swung the deadly weapon outwards, rending another Affinity in half as Scrivener Blooms shouted incredulously over the din: “Why in the name of Helheim would you ever give her these things?”

Luna grinned widely as she half-turned, slapping one of the few remaining Decorations away with the chainsaw's flat before she sliced the weapon viciously downwards into an Affinity that attempted to block with the pole of its weapon, but the polearm was easily torn through before the Affinity howled as it was separated into halves as well, the chainsaw dragging steadily downwards through it before Luna tore it backwards as the angel died in a radiant burst. Her eyes flicked to the side as another Affinity and the last remaining Harmony both dove towards her, and Luna grunted as she half-spun towards them while swinging the chainsaw savagely outwards, rending quickly and easily through the neck of the Affinity before slashing into the Harmony's side.

It shrieked as the chainsaw cut through it, trying to lurch backwards, but it only caused more armor to shatter and tore the wounds in its alien flesh wider, and worst of all, gave Luna an easier target as she leapt forwards and yanked harder to the side, aiming to cut it in half: after the blade passed most of the way through, however, it suddenly snapped in half as the engine died in a splutter before the weapon shattered in her hands like glass, and Luna cursed under her breath in frustration even as the Harmony blew apart before Discombobulation called easily: “Last round!”

He clapped his hands twice, and reality fizzled again, this time becoming a beautiful, daylit square surrounded by tall, pretty brick and stone buildings as the raised stage crumbled back into the ground and the bent metal pole fell uselessly over before Luna and Scrivener both stared in shock as an enormous golden circle formed in the earth, filled with runes and designs Luna didn't recognize before a huge hand tore out of it... and even more concerning, the enormous head of a monstrous battle axe.

The creature ripped itself out of the golden portal-circle with a roar, light shining up around it as it tore into reality before the circle flicked out of sight beneath huge, clawed feet on squat legs that fed up into a massive, powerful body that thickened quickly towards its broad shoulders from a slender waist, armored in green and gold metal over stone shaped into literally-chiseled muscle. Its arms were long and gorilla-like, ending in huge hands... one of which clutched the enormous battle axe that had a pole even longer than itself and a dangerous, double-headed blade of gold, with a deadly, conical spike standing tall between the crescent-shaped blades.

And most disturbing of all was the head: a stone mask covered its features, shaped like an innocent foal's face, with a golden halo of light that floated above this. It stared down at them through eyes covered by stone, the few remaining Affinity standing nearby and the remaining Decorations hovering around the giant as it leaned forwards and roared at Luna, larger than a house... but Luna only grinned widely, her eyes glowing a Discombobulation said mildly: “Beloved, Second Sphere. You might want to summon your demons to finish it off after you soften it up a bit.”

“Nonsense, I do not need Pinkamena's help to destroy this creature.” Luna retorted, raising her head imperiously before she grinned over at Scrivener and winked. “Come, beetle. Stop hiding, 'tis time for fun!”

“Oh yes, the fun has surely been doubled now.” Scrivener said moodily, and Luna gave him a flat glare before her eyes turned forwards as the Beloved snarled and made a sharp gesture, and the smaller Angels all hurried forwards. Luna's eyes roved to this, but she didn't move even as the Angels converged and the Beloved brought its axe back...

The Beloved slashed viciously down, and Luna simply slid to the side with a grin as an Affinity lunged at the same time, the giant cutting the smaller angel in half instead and making it shriek in surprise before it burst apart. The giant rumbled, its head turning to follow Luna as the winged unicorn easily slashed her horn into another Affinity to knock it stumbling before she leapt up and slammed a hoof under its jaw, firing a single round that tore up through its throat and out the back of its skull.

The Beloved tore the axe out of the ground, then swung the flat viciously to the side... but without needing to look, Luna kicked both rear hooves back into this, startling the giant as the weapon wasn't simply halted, but was almost jarred out of its grip as it staggered backwards before Luna threw herself into a sideways roll when a Decoration dove towards her, landing on her back as the flying head passed through where she had been and began to rapidly flutter away before Luna simply threw a front hoof forwards and blasted a round through the retreating head. Then she looked up in surprise as a flail lashed down towards her, hurriedly flapping her wings and shoving herself backwards before the weapon slammed down between her legs, making her hiss in pain as it tore through the ephemeral locks of her tail before she snapped: “Naughty creature!”

She rose both rear legs quickly, the weapons glowing as they traced a concentrated stream of bullets up the middle of the Affinity, knocking it staggering backwards before it burst apart into golden motes and shale, and Luna grinned widely before glancing down at the flail still buried in her tail... and then looking up in horror as the giant Beloved rose its axe before she hurriedly flicked her horn, yanking the flail free and throwing it hard to the side. Out of luck more than anything else, it crashed into the last Decoration with enough force to crunch through the mask and into its features, sending it crashing down before both angel and flail exploded as Luna shot backwards and into the air, narrowly dodging a slash of the giant's axe.

She gritted her teeth, flicking her horn to send a blue fireball rocketing into the angel's face to explode with a powerful bang, and the Beloved grunted as its mask cracked, staggering backwards once before Luna looked towards Scrivener Blooms, shouting: “I have a task for thee, lazy poet!”

“Oh hell.” Scrivener muttered, and then he winced and ran forwards, then leapt into the air and rose the limb with the grappling hook on it with a wince, hammering at it with his other front leg before clenching his eyes shut as the claw shot out and past Luna. “Please no!”

“Please yes!” Luna retorted as she caught the steel cable of the grapple hook with telekinesis as it went by, flapping her wings quickly to fly backwards as the Beloved snatched at her with its free hand before she flicked her horn hard, and even as the cable began to wind in, Scrivener was sent hurtling forwards as Luna whiplashed the metal wire to swing him like a flail, the earth pony cursing as one eye opened as he shot through the air and straight towards the angel's face. At the last possible moment, the earth pony kicked all four hooves hard out, smashing apart part of its masked features as the cable finished winding in before he scurried hurriedly across its head as the monster staggered backwards, and Scrivener's eyes widened even as the Beloved grabbed at its own skull as he saw some kind of pulsating, glowing red node standing out of the giant's back.

The earth pony leapt off the angel's head, landing on the steep incline formed by its spine to skid down the beast before he slammed both rear hooves into this node, and the monster howled in pain as it arched its back, lashing its free hand out behind itself with surprising speed as Scrivener half-leapt, half-fell before the earth pony cursed as he was seized in the grips of this giant thing.

It began to squeeze him immediately even as it brought him back in front of him to glare down, half of its flesh face revealed from behind the broken mask, and Scrivener howled as pain filled his body even as he attempted to brace his hooves against its fingers, holding it at bay as much as possible as its grip tightened threateningly, terribly... and then Luna shot in with a snarl, smashing bodily into the creature's chest and cracking its armor as it staggered backwards in surprise before she launched herself into the angel's wrist, slamming all four hooves forwards as the handguns on her legs fired off, tearing apart armor and marble skin as bursts of blood splashed past. “That is my husband, monster!”

The creature's fingers spasmed, releasing its grip on Scrivy, and the earth pony winced as he fell forwards before Luna kicked off the wrist of the Beloved and shot beneath him, scooping him easily up in midair before she flapped her wings, shooting towards the other end of the illusionary square before she spun around with a snarl as the Beloved leapt towards them and swept its axe savagely downwards.

Luna twisted to the side before she flung Scrivener forwards as a mental order sounded clearly in Scrivener's head, and he winced and nodded even as he flung his foreleg out, firing the grappling hook into the angel's mask again. It snarled, raising a hand preemptively, but Scrivener swung himself downwards instead of letting the grapple reel him in, wincing as he hurtled through the air and then yanked downwards to fall towards the giant's enormous chest. He kicked off this as it began to stand, cracking armor and stone as he leapt down to the behemoth's arm, and the monster snatched at him with its other hand, but Scrivener ducked as he ran hurriedly towards its wrist before leaping down and slamming his body and all four hooves as hard as he could into its thumb, shattering it and making the angel lose its grip on the axe as the Beloved roared in fury and pain, yanking its hand back to glance with a snarl towards its broken useless digit.

Then Luna grinned savagely as her eyes and horn glowed, the axe buried in the ground shuddering before taking on a sapphire aura as the winged unicorn roared and snapped her head hard upwards, and the huge weapon was ripped free of the ground before it half-spun backwards as Scrivener hit the ground and rolled several times painfully, covering his head as the pole of the axe whickered past before the blade slammed into the stomach of the Beloved. The angel howled in shock as it staggered backwards, more of its outer layer crumbling away to reveal that same preternatural flesh beneath as the other creatures possessed, and Luna snorted as she shot forwards, her eyes blazing.

The Beloved began to look up, and then Luna violently corkscrewed her body as her mane and tail glowed brightly before her entire form burst apart into shimmering, sapphire mist, the spinning torrent slamming viciously into the Beloved's chest and ripping through armored outer layer as easily as it rent through the angel's flesh below, the spiraling maelstrom of blue reforming into Luna as she tore out the other side of the creature and the red node on its back exploded in a hail of blood. For a moment, the Beloved staggered, howling miserably... and then, as it fell to its knees, both its weapon and the angel itself burst apart into motes of golden light and dust, dissolving rapidly in the air as Luna spun around with a wide grin and slowly flew down to drop to the floor of the illusionary square in front of Scrivener Blooms.

He looked up at her lamely as he stood awkwardly, and then his eyes widened as Luna firmly seized one end of the scarf, using it to drag Scrivener in close before she met his lips in a slow kiss for a few moments, the stallion staring stupidly for a moment before his eyes slowly closed... then he grinned dumbly when Luna stepped back and away, winking at him and saying kindly: “And that, Scrivener Blooms, is what a scarf is for and why thou should not complain so much about it.”

“Yep. Got it.” Scrivener said lamely, and then he cleared his throat and shook his head hurriedly at the sound of slow clapping, both ponies looking towards Discombobulation as he smiled wryly at them before simply snapping his fingers, and Luna huffed and stomped her hooves violently as their outfits – and more importantly to Luna, the handguns – burst apart into mist that faded quickly from sight.

Then Discombobulation grabbed with a wince at his black-coated chest, sitting down with a wheeze on a fallen log as his violet kangaroo tail flicked behind him, slowly stretching out his giraffe and feline leg as he muttered: “Well, I am very exhausted now, so I'll ask you both to go away. Or to carry me home. Playtime's over, after all, and few people respect just how difficult and stressful playing a game can be sometimes.”

Luna laughed and shook her head, then she winked and nudged Scrivener Blooms, the stallion looking at her amusedly as she said mildly: “Well, 'tis Bob's birthday, apparently, and thou art a handsome stallion looking to be of some use. Carry Bob.”

Scrivener began to open his mouth, and then Discombobulation hopped off the log before striding over and simply flopping over the tall pony, making Scrivener wheeze loudly before the Draconequus dragged himself up to a sitting position across the stallion as Luna grinned widely, her eyes glittering with entertainment as Scrivener looked grouchily ahead before his eye twitched when Bob held up his hands and a set of reins appeared over his muzzle, the chimerical creature calmly holding these in place even as he wheezed a little and some of the color faded from his body from overuse of his powers.

“Too far?” he asked after a moment, leaning slowly to the side to look at Scrivener's glowering face, and then he nodded thoughtfully once as Luna only giggled to herself. Then Discombobulation leaned carefully back before he said mildly: “I feel like I'm riding a donkey. Or an alpaca.”

“Let's just go.” Scrivener said tiredly through the reins, and Discombobulation flicked them once before Scrivener glared over his shoulder, and the Draconequus cleared his throat loudly as he pretended to tug back and forth as if adjusting them as Luna laughed and shook her head, striding forwards. “Your powers are going to get you in trouble one day, Bob.”

“They already have. Just look at the company I keep.” Discombobulation replied kindly, and both Scrivener and Luna couldn't help but smile as they headed away from the meadow as the illusion faded rapidly out from around it, leaving only peaceful scenery once more... marred only by the scars of battle here and there, and a single golden staff that glimmered for a moment before shattering apart into motes that floated upwards and faded quietly from sight.