Our Guardian Enigma

by The Eccentric Mister E

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 29284

Equestria is in trouble. The fabric of space and time surrounding the world is falling apart, allowing horrible creatures and savages to invade the peaceful world. But a hero has been sent, he is an enigma known as The Wanderer.

Here's something you probably don't know about the workings of the universe. In between each dimension is a space known as The Ether. Here a force known as The Guardians patrol the boundaries between each of the galaxies. When a leak is found they quickly fix it and restore balance to the universe. But suddenly a catastrophe has struck, multiple leaks have been detected and they are all flowing down to a single dimension that holds a single solitary world known as Equestria. Creatures are using the leaks to invade the world and the Guardians are fearful for the survival of the Equestria. The amount of damage could tear it apart. So they call in their top agent. He is a being known as the Wanderer. A human in appearance he is nothing short of amazing, able to change into any shape and wield any weapon. His powers are limitless and his ego matches it. Is Equestria ready to handle a visit from an unstoppable and over-charismatic enigma?

As Big Mac would say: "Nnnope"

Dedicated to Robin Williams.

The critics are raving:

"This is one of the few stories I've seen that involve original characters from the sole imagination of the author, and I thank you for making it. - Irongalley

"I had tears I was laughing so bloody hard." - Doctor Magnum

"Words cannot discribe how awesome everything I just read was
10/10 game of the year" - Setlef a.k.a Silent Charger

"I APPROVE! I goddamn fucking approve!" - Angels

Thewatcher509 calls it an "Awesomely Epic Super Extravagant Spine-Busting Action-Smashing Swash Buckling Tear Jerking Game Referencing Music Accompanying Enigma-Appearing Story"

So lock in and buckle up for the most wildest ride of the century. Prepare for everything and expect the completely unexpected!

Because the Wanderer is in town!

Open links in a new window for optimal experience.
Rated teen for language and some adult content
Crossover tag added for appearances by some special characters.

Published 2013-03-24 08:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-25 06:47:41 UTC

The Song Chapter: Coins accepted, hit START to continue!

The Wanderer lounged on a rock on the outside of the forest. After the ponies had picked up their jaws he suggested they all exit the woods before something else happened. They agreed and now he found himself on a rock near a cottage looking at the strange town he had seen before which was dubbed Ponyville. Needless to say the name made him laugh as did the names of almost everything else here. It was pun central, pun world the punnest place in the universe. And he loved it.

The ponies had tried to ask him who he was and what was going on but he insisted they wait so that the leaders of this world could hear him too. That was who he really needed to talk to. So the purple one had sent a letter to these princesses who she said were the rulers here.

She had also told him her name which was Twilight and this had caused the Wanderer to almost throw up on a tree. When asked why he simply said, "Bad memories, don't worry it has nothing to do with you personally. Is that your full name?"

"No my full name is Twilight Sparkle."

The Wanderer let out a small breath of relief and said," Ok good, that is a good name. Now what about everyone else?"

It was then that Twilight introduced her friends. The Wanderer already met Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the later was still giving him a death stare while the former had come up to him to apologize.

"Sorry 'bout ropin ya earlier. Ah was jus scared fer ma sister. No hard feelin's?" she said while holding out a hoof.

The Wanderer smiled and took it in his hand and shook it. "Of course not ma'am. It's understandable and I'm sorry for frightening ya. Pleasure to meet you."

He then turned to Rainbow Dash and said, "I'm also sorry to you Miss Rainbow. I hope there are no hard feelings between us either?"

Rainbow Dash just huffed and turned her head away from John, causing him to sag a little.

"Well you can't say I didn't try" he said solemnly. He really did feel a little bad about earlier but he didn't exactly want to receive a face full of hoof. He made a mental note to talk to the rainbow Pegasus later.

While Applejack was talking to Rainbow, most likely to scold her, Twilight introduced him to everyone else. She walked over to the pretty looking unicorn and said, "This is Rarity, she's a famous fashion designer in Ponyville."

"How do you do, Wanderer?" the fashion pony said while holding out her hoof.

The Wanderer, instead of shaking it and because he couldn't pass up a chance to be a huge flirt, gently took her hoof and kissed it saying, "Bonjour mademoiselle, might I say it is a pleasure to meet such a beautiful lady like yourself."

Rarity turned a shade of red and made a rather hysterical sound as she tried to contain herself from the Wanderers lethal charm. "Oh my, a gentleman hehehe"

The crusaders were giggling at her embarrassment and even Rainbow Dash let out a snicker. The Wanderer then noticed the yellow Pegasus with the pink mane trying to hide behind Rarity. He had a quizzical look as he asked, "Who's the scaredy pony?"

Twilight smacked the back of his leg and said, "That's Fluttershy, she's very shy and gets scared easily so try to be nice to her."

The Wanderer smiled and said, "Of course, I think I know how to make her feel better."

Then to everyone's amazement, the Wanderer started shrinking. He kept getting smaller and smaller until he was the size of a rabbit. The only things that didn't shrink were his hat, glasses and sword. The articles lay on the grass and soon the ponies saw a little face poking out of the brim of the hat. The Crusaders were the most awed by it as they bent down to look closer at the small human with a collective, “Woooow!”

The now mini-Wanderer crawled out and walked up to the Pegasus. He pulled a strand of her hair and she peeked out and gasped when she saw the small guardian standing in front of her. He waved at her with a tiny hand and said in a squeaky voice, "Hello!"

Fluttershy was looking back and forth between the small human and the place where the tall Wanderer was standing before. "How did you do that?" she asked in a whisper. Not a whisper of fear but of awe.

He smiled showing his teeny white teeth and said, "It's my special power that only I can do. I can shape myself into any length or shape I want. Fun fact: this is the smallest I've ever been."

"Wow..." Fluttershy said, the others were awestruck as well, "Can you change into like.....another form? Like a pony?"

"I can try? Are you still scared of me Miss Fluttershy? I'm completely harmless to you I swear."

Fluttershy wrung her hooves nervously but said, “Well…..you do seem nice enough…..and you did save us…….you’re sure you won’t hurt any of us?

“Ma’am,” the Wanderer began, “I am a Guardian, a magical being of a place far beyond your understanding. I am incapable of harming the ones I am sent to protect. I pledge to you I am here for your protection and you have my word no harm will come of you.”

“………ok” she finally said, “You are kind of cute when your small by the way.”

The Wanderer turned a shade of red and quickly grew back up to his original size. Fluttershy simply smiled, she was feeling better now about the Wanderer and he was glad for that. Twilight then introduced him to the others and when she came to Lyra and Bon Bon the Wanderer had a strange feeling about the green one. Bon Bon seemed nice enough but when he said hello to the unicorn she suddenly asked him, “What are you?”

“Oh for the love of clichés, must I be asked that question again?”

“No no no!” she said quickly, “I meant what is this um….. “form” that you are in? What species?”

“Oh! Well this is a human form”

The unicorn stared with wide eyes as a really creepy look appeared on her face and the Wanderer began to feel very uncomfortable around her.

But then the face disappeared and she said, “What’s a human?”

(Yes that’s right Lyra doesn’t know what a human is you are welcome)

The Wanderer let out a breath of relief and said, “I’ll tell you later Lyra.”

He then turned to find himself staring into some very crossed wired eyes. He reeled back a little before getting close to them again trying to turn his head to stare into both eyes. The owner of those eyes followed him and giggled at the look on his face.

“Hi there!” she said happily.

“Hiiiiii…” said the Wanderer slowly, “Youuuuuu feeling alright there?”

“Oh yeah!” she answered, “This is normal and I can actually see pretty well. My name’s Derpy.”

At the mention of that name, all the gears in the Wanderers head came to a screeching halt. Every part of him was stopped and trying to understand just what he had heard.

“Her name is what now?” asked the brain.

“Please tell me she ain’t serious.” the heart demanded.

“Guys I don’t like it here…” added the testis.

“I HAVE TO PEE!”

“You always have to pee Bladder!”

Back on the outside, the Wanderer (now really feeling the urge to piss) was staring with a flabbergasted face at the crossed eyed pony. She simply smiled back at him.

“Is that really your name?” he asked.

“No my real name is Ditzy but everyone else just calls me Derpy.” the pegasus said with an even bigger smile.

“Well it’s better than fucking Derpy” he thought.

“I still don’t like it here….”

“GONNA BLOW!”

“Could you excuse me real quick?” the Wanderer asked before zooming at high speeds into the trees. Everyone stared in confusion until he zoomed back a few seconds later zipping his pants. He brushed his hands against his coat and held out his right one to the Derpy.

“Well Miss Derpy, it is a great pleasure to meet such a unique character like yourself.”

She took his hand in her hoofs and said back, “Likewise!”

Twilight then directed him to the two music ponies, “This is Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. They’re ponies whose talents lie in music.”

“Fellow music lovers eh? What are your preferences?” Long John asked.

Vinyl was the one to answer, “I’m into techno and dupstep and Octavia is a classical orchestra girl. I do DJ while she plays Cello.”

“Holy shit it’s like the same ends of a magnet. How do these two stay friends? Well maybe it’s not about the music………hey no! Bad Wanderer, stop thinking like that!” the Wanderer thought in his imaginative head.

He turned to Octavia and said, “So you play strings huh? I’m more of a guitar man myself. Who’s your favorite composer?”

“Beethoofen” she answered.

HA!

He suddenly felt a presence behind him and turned to see the pink pony who fucked with physics earlier. He narrowed his eyes and she simply beamed back at him.

“Hi there!” she said rather loudly.

“And what might your name be?”

“I’m Pinkie Pie!”

"Shoulda guessed…"

“Well Miss Pinkie, what’s your job here?” he asked with crossed arms.

“I’m the premier party pony of Ponyville!” she said happily.

“Oh are you now? That’s funny because where I come from that’s my job as well.”

Pinkie Pie gasped loudly and said, “REAALLY?! Oh wow that’s so cool! Though I doubt your parties are as good as mine. I throw the best parties in Equestria.”

“Oh yeah?” asked the Wanderer not backing down from this challenge, “Well I throw the best parties in the universe so I’ve been told.”

Pinkie Pie stared for a moment before narrowing her eyes and getting as close to the Wanderer as possible and saying, “Oh yeah? Well we’ll just see about that. I’m going to throw you the best “Welcome to Equestria” party ever and prove that I can throw a better party.”

He stared back at her through his glasses and said with a smile, “I look forward to it cupcake.”

Then the party pony was gone in a blur of pink as she ran towards Ponyville. The Wanderer just stood there and shook his head. He was never going to get used to it here. He turned back to Twilight to see if there was anyone left when he spotted someone new behind her. It was her assistant as she called him and he was a small purple and green dragon.

He walked up to the small reptile and greeted him, “Hey there didn’t get your name dude?”

The dragon seemed surprised to be addressed by the Wanderer, “Huh? Oh hi! I’m Spike.”

“Nice to meet ya. To be honest this is the first time I’ve met a dragon and it wasn’t trying to eat me. Put her there man.”

They then began to do an intricate pattern of high fives and down lows and other forms of handshakes. Spike flawlessly following the Wanderers moves and needless to say the guardian was impressed.

“Hey little man’s got some flavor!” he said.

“Flavor?” Spike asked nervously.

“Slang for coolness”

“Oh okay. Sweet!” the dragon said happily. Maybe the Wanderer was cooler than he thought. Then Spike had another thought, maybe he actually had someone that could actually understand. Not another mare but a……what did they call it?

“A bro, Spike” answered the Wanderer.

“Oh yeah thanks……wait a minute.”

Spike looked up at the guardian who simply winked back at him with a smile. There was definitely more to this figure than met the eye.

“Hey! What about us?” said a small voice suddenly from behind the Wanderer. He turned to see the three small fillies he had saved earlier.

“Ah yes! The three small fillies nearly turned into bug food. You are welcome by the way.” he said as he knelt down in front of them, “Now then what are your names?”

The one with the bow was the first to speak, “Ahm Applebloom and this is Sweetie bell,” she pointed to the white unicorn with the pink mane, “and this is Scootaloo.” The last one she pointed to was the orange pegasus, “And thanks for saving us Mister Wanderer.”

He studied them for a moment before saying, “It is my pleasure and my job. It’s also nice to meet a few souls interested in becoming badasses. I could teach you if you like?”

All three of them went wide eyed and began pelting the Wanderer with questions. He liked the attention and answered their questions as best he could without revealing anything important yet. Scootaloo jumped and landed on his shoulder and asked, “Can you fly?”

The Wanderer put on a thoughtful face and said, “Um I don’t know, why don’t you look down and find out?”

Scootaloo did and gasped as she saw they were floating a few feet off the ground; the Wanderer somehow levitating himself in midair while everyone stared in awe.

“That’s not possible…” said Twilight softly.

The Wanderer smiled and Scootaloo couldn’t contain her excitement, “Awesome! Do you think you could also teach me to fly?”

It was at that moment when Rainbow Dash’s look of mistrust in the Wanderer turned into pure hatred. John could clearly see the jealousy behind her eyes as she attempted to light him on fire with her death glare. He laughed nervously and said as he dropped back down and put Scootaloo back on the ground, “Well now I think I’m not the best qualified for that task in particular I think there are other ponies that could do a lot better than me.”

He looked over to Rainbow who was still giving him a murderous stare and he smiled innocently. He suddenly noticed it was night out and looked up at the moon that was rising into the sky. It was a lot bigger than any moon he had seen before and quite bright. Suddenly the night was illuminated by a bright light and he looked at the source as two figures surrounded by ponies in armor appeared. They were two tall ponies with both wings and horns. One was a bright white with an ethereal man made up of all kinds of colors. She wore a golden crown and collar with slippers of shining gild. Next to her was a smaller alicorn, this one the exact opposite with a dark blue coat and a man of what looked like the deep of space and it swirled in the calm wind. A black crown and collar adorned her with slippers of the same material and she had eyes that seemed to look past his eyes at his very essence and he didn’t like so even though it was night out he put his glasses back on. Because he’s a badass and he can do that.

“And I thought I liked to make big entrances” he said. The light faded and the alicorns stepped forward, their guard keeping pace and holding their spears out towards the Wanderer.

“So you are the reason for all that chaos earlier,” the white one spoke in a rather regal voice, “I am Princess Celestia and this is my sister Princess Luna. We are the rulers of this world and the raisers and setters of the sun and moon. Who and what are you and why are you here?”

“I will answer that in a minute but first a few things, one you should tell your guards to relax as I can’t actually hurt you and their spears can’t hurt me and second, did you say you raise and lower the sun and moon?”

Celestia nodded at the guards and they raised their spears but not taking their eyes off the Wanderer and then she said, “That is correct. We maintain a balance on this world with our magic. It has been this way for a long time. But please we must know who you are now. Every single one us deserves an answer to that question.”

“Oh very well then if you all insist” he said with a smile and he held out his arms to his side and his hands began to glow again. Suddenly there was a bright flash and when it faded everyone gasped as they saw they were in a place of nothing with purple mist and glowing orbs that floated slowly through the smoke.

They all started to panic when a voice said, “Relax. It is all an illusion.”

They turned to look at the source to see the Wanderer floating above them. His glasses were gone and his eyes shone a bright white. His voice was also different, it echoed throughout the illusion and sounded like it was coming from all sides.

They all fell silent as they listened to his speech.

“There is a realm of existence so far beyond what you comprehend. It is a place called the Ether, far from your world. It holds all of Creation, all of the universe, every dimension. There are so many worlds in Creation you cannot even imagine it. Time is born here and it moves through the essence of every world and moves life itself. Here in this void your world is held in a flow of movement that keeps all of balance in check. But sometimes that is not enough and another force is needed to protect the dimensions. I am a part of that force; I am a creature of the Ether. I……am a Guardian. I travel the Ether to worlds that need my aid and help to restore the balance. I am tasked with helping everyone who needs it. The Guardians are forces that are chosen by the Creation to be the soldiers and peacekeepers of it. There are so many of us that our forces can block out the light of every world. I have saved more worlds than you can fathom. And your world is now the one who needs help the most. A catastrophe has befallen you and your world. Someone has taken thousands of dimensions and caused their essence to fall upon your world. This will let creatures invade your home and destroy it. I have come to help stem that flow and repel those invaders and repair all of the damage brought to this peaceful world. But I am also here to help you and to become your saving grace in these dark times and to be a symbol of hope that all will be okay. For if you ever need me, you only need to say my name three times and I will come. My name is one of the oldest in time, uttered on more worlds than any other. I am the foremost Guardian. I am called the Wanderer and it is my duty now to save your world.”

They all stared, opened-mouth, at the Guardian and at what he had summoned. His words reverberated in their minds several times as they tried to understand it all. Celestia and Luna grew fearful at his words and asked, “Why would someone do this to us?”

“We do not know,” answered the Wanderer, “While I am here fixing the leaks that fall on you all, my fellow Guardians are doing what they can on the outside to try and figure out who is behind this and why they are doing this. I can assure you, your safety is our top priority and so long as I am here, I will never let harm befall you. That is my promise as a Guardian.”

Then the illusion faded and the ponies found themselves where they were before with the Wanderer standing in the same place.

“So you are here to help us with not just this catastrophe but also our own problems?”

“Correct,” he said, “That is my job.”

He walked a ways towards the forest and he heard several voices saying things of disbelief behind him.

“It sounds too good to be true.”

“How can we trust him?”

Maybe this is all just a dream?”

“Can he bring me muffins?”

He knew they didn’t believe him and before he knew it he was singing and a fast music started playing.

“Ladies!” he said as he spun around and began growing to the size of a house as a couch appeared behind the ponies, “I don’t think you quite realize what you got here. So why don’t you just roominate whilst I illuminate the possibilities.”

SONG TIME!!

“Well in those woods there’s about a hundred thieves, maybe a couple bloody thousand fiends,
But look here you’re in luck cause up your sleeves you got some power that can never fail,
You got some muscle in your corner now, some heavy ammunition in your can,
You got some punch! Pizzazz! Yahoo and how?
Well all you got to do is say my name and I’ll go, ‘My little ponies, let me put your problems at ease!’
Let me take your order, jot it down. You ain’t never had a friend like me ho ho ho!”

“Hold on, are those things invading really that bad?” asked Twilight.

“Well you see, they see this place as a restaurant and YOU’RE THE MAIN ORDERVE!
So you got to whisper what it is that’s wrong, you ain’t never had a friend like me!
Yes sir, I pride myself on service.
You’re the bosses, the kings, the shahs!
Tell me what to do, even what to use,
Add a little more blackpowdeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
Choose some of column A, pick all of column B!
I’m in the mood to help you dudes!
You ain’t never had a friend like me!”

Then he began to dance around while making strange noises in time to the music and the ponies were actually enjoying the show despite the fact they were being tossed around sometimes.

He suddenly appeared in front of them and asked, “Can your friends do this?”

He took his head off and began to twirl it on his finger while everyone gasped.

“How about this?”

He then spawned several heads and began to juggle them and tossed them up and everyone fell on his neck and came together. He then took his hat and put his hand in.

“Can your friends pull this out of their hat?”

Suddenly he pulled a huge dragon out of his hat and it roared into the air. Everyone screamed at the sight of it but the Wanderer just kept singing, “Can your friends go POOF!”

Then the dragon was gone in a cloud of smoke and the Wanderer appeared again behind them all and said, “Peek-a-boo!”

Everyone spun around and saw the Wanderer continue his wacky song,

“Can your friends go Avada Kedavra let em RIP!
And then make them suckers disappeeeeeeear?!
So don’t just sit there slack-jawed and buggy-eyed,
I’m here to answer all your midnight prayers!
You got me bona fide and certified,
You got a Guardian for a charged affair.
I’ve got the power to help you out so what is wrong I really want to know!
You got a list that’s three miles long no doubt well all you got to do is yell my tiiiiIIIIIiitlllllle!
Dear little ponies-san I got a solution just for thee.
I’m on the job, you lucky dogs!”

Then fireworks appeared as the Wanderer concluded in a big finale.

“You aint never had a friend, never had a friend!”

BOOM!

“You aint never had a friend, never had a friend!”

POW!

“You aint never”

BLAM!

“Had a”

KA-BOOM!

“Frieeeeend liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Then the fireworks went off all over the place rapidly and light and sound filled the sky. The Wanderer towered over the ponies as he held his hands up and laughed at the spectacle, enjoying himself. The ponies were all excited about their new friend and cheered as the song came to an end.

The Wanderer cut off everything and fell into a lying position on his stomach with his chin propped up by his arm and said, “So what do you think ladies?”

The ponies all stared up at the house-sized Guardian with looks of awe. Everyone, even Pinkie Pie who had appeared out of nowhere with a bucket of popcorn, had found the show quite entertaining.

“So then,” said Luna, “You can help us out with ANY problems?”

“Well almost,” said the Wanderer, “There are a few provisos and a couple of rules regarding it all.”

“Such as?” asked Twilight.

He appeared next to her and said, “Rule number one! I cant kill anybody.”

He then drew a finger across his neck and his head fell into her lap.

“AH!” she yelped.

“So don’t ask!” said the head in a raspy voice. The body picked it back up and stuck it back on before disappearing and reappearing next to Rarity.

“Rule number two! I can’t help you out with any problems involving love.”

He then went stiff as a board on the ground before rising up with rotting flesh and yellow eyes, “Rule number three is I can’t bring anyone back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture and IT WONT TURN OUT OKAY!”

He then grew back up to house size back to normal and said, “That and the fact I have to verify it’s an actual problem that requires my help which is rare, you got it!”

Everypony seemed pretty psyched about their new guardian save for one, Rainbow.

“Are you serious?” she said, “Limitations? Rules? You don’t seem all that helpful. I bet you can’t even clear this sky of clouds.” She hopped off the couch and started walking back to Ponyville unaware of the anger showing on the Wanderers face.

“Some all-powerful guardian my flank…” she said but a huge boot suddenly blocked her way. She looked up to see the Wanderer staring at her with an angry look.

“Excuse me? he asked, “Did you see me land? Did you hear me talk? Did you hear me sing? Did you see me save you? Now all of a sudden you’re walking out on me?”

He stomped over to her making her back up against the couch, “I don’t think so! Not right now! You are getting your damn help so SIT DOWN!”

She plopped onto the couch with a terrified expression as the Wanderer suddenly summoned two miniguns in his hands and pointed them skywards, “Don’t try this at home kids.”

He then lit up the guns and bolts of energy went everywhere each one taking out a cloud. He summoned a rocket pod onto his back and unloaded into the air, six missiles exploded taking out several clouds. Soon the whole sky was clear and the guns disappeared as he looked down with a smug expression.

“How do you like me now miss doubtfire?” he asked.

Rainbow simply nodded her head slowly with her jaw hanging limply and everypony cheered. Both Celestia and Luna seemed pretty pleased with this visitor. Celestia pulled Luna over and spoke to her, “Sister what do you make of him?”

“He doesn’t seem like a threat and is certainly bent on helping us. I don’t know about this catastrophe though. It scares me a lot actually.”

“Me too Luna,” Celestia said, she looked over at the Wanderer who was talking with the other ponies answering their questions, “Luna why don’t you stay here in Ponyville and keep an eye on him. See what you can learn about whats going on and if we can help in any way.”

Luna seemed surprised, “Tia are you sure? Not a lot of ponies here trust me.”

“Luna don’t say that. Everypony has come to love you here. You’ll be fine.”

Luna seemed hesitant for a minute but said, “Well alright then.”

Celestia and Luna walked over to the Wanderer who was back to his normal size. Celestia approached him and said, “You seem trustworthy enough Wanderer that we will let you stay here in Ponyville to work. Luna will be staying here to provide help should you need it. Twilight are you okay with housing her?”

Twilight was a little shocked but overcame it and said happily, “Of course I would Princess! I would be honored.”

Celestia winked at Luna and then said, “Very well then. Wanderer I expect you to do what you can to not let any harm come to my subjects. I will be in touch.”

He bowed with a flourish and said, “Of course your majesty you can count on me.”

She smiled and lit up her horn as she teleported herself and the guard back to Canterlot. Everypony said goodbye before the vanished and soon everyone was standing there in the silent dark before thunder interrupted it. They all looked over the forest to see a storm was brewing over it. Something that isn’t supposed to happen especially since the Wanderer cleared the sky.

He could feel a portal opening deep in the woods and looked down at the ponies surrounding him and said, “I think it would be best if you all headed back to your homes and stayed there. Things might get a little crazy here.”

The ponies all agreed and began to disperse each saying their goodbyes to each other and the Wanderer. He waved back at them at all and soon it was just him, Luna, and Twilight.

Luna looked into the forest and said, “Are you going to be alright Wanderer?”

“Yeah don’t worry about me you just get somewhere safe quickly.” He said as he shooed them away. “Go on get out of here. I’ll check in with you in the morning.”

Luna turned to go but stopped when Twilight stayed. Twilight looked at her questioning gaze and said, “I’ll catch up Princess. I want to ask the Wanderer something real quick.”

Luna nodded and trotted away towards the library. The Wanderer looked down at Twilight with a curious face. She stared back and said, “Wanderer I need to know something. This place is very dear to me and so are my friends. I would be devastated if anything happened to them”

The Guardian frowned and said, “What are you saying?”

She looked into the forest and then back at him and said, “I need you to promise me that no one will be hurt. That everything will be just fine and we shouldn’t worry.”

The Wanderer sighed before kneeling down in front of her. He stared into her violet eyes and she stared into his ever changing ones and said, “Listen carefully Twilight Sparkle. There is only one promise that I can make that I know, 100%, will be kept. And that is that nothing………………..nothing will ever be the same until I leave this world. Do you understand?”

Twilight had a look of fear but nodded nonetheless.

“Are you prepared for that?”

She nodded again.

“Are you sure? Because in those trees there are more than a thousand gateways to places you could only dream of. But it is not dreams on the other side of those leaks Twilight.”

“What is?” she asked, dreading the answer.

Suddenly a faint, low bellow followed by a screech could be heard deep in the woods as a hulking shape could be seen in the distance. The Wanderer and Twilight stared into the distance towards it. He had felt it’s coming and was ready to face it and she was scared out of her mind.

He turned back to her and she manage to look back as well and he answered her, “Nightmares Twilight. Nightmares are coming.”

Then he was gone and a wind suddenly rushed past Twilight into the forest as the storm began to break and rain fell and lighting clashed. Twilight turned and ran to her home, praying that the Wanderer was only joking. But in the sky above her, as the lighting flashed, an evil face could be seen looking down and watching his plans take shape.

Author's Note

WHOO! This one was fun. So this is just a chapter of introductions and stuff. Shit will pick up in the later chapters. I hope you all enjoyed this and the song. Let me know what you think of it in the comments and don't forget to sign up for the Eccentric Army. Just hit that eyeball and join the ranks today! Also keep an eye on my blog as more questions are coming soon.

One more thing: Do you like gaming? Do you like me? (of course you do) Do you want to play with me? Do you want to blow me up and hit me on the head with a frying pan? Well now you can! I have finally moved up and joined Steam! I am playing some TF2 and I want you to come play with me. Beat my noob ass as I run around with default weapons praying for a random drop of something cool. Hit the link on my user page to visit me on Steam. See you on the battlefields! WOOP!

The Dakka Chapter: He made that with his face!

He ran along the ground, hopping over roots and ducking under branches. He wasn't winded in the slightest yet he was still panting. He wondered why and then he heard the sound behind him and he remembered. He was scared.

That's right he was scared, you would be scared too if you were being chased in a dark forest by a huge-ass monster. Admit it you would be!

He ran through the trees in the dark of night with only the moon to light his way. Its dim white light was just enough to make out what was in front of him but not enough to show what was in the trees around him. He could hear them scuffling and romping in the bush trying to catch him but they were nothing compared to the sound behind him.

*VVVRRRRR WHAM*
*VVVRRRRR WHAM*

He put on as much speed as he could but he knew the stupidly big walking death machine would catch up to him eventually, as long as he got them back to the source of their entrance. That, however, brought another problem. It was right by the house of a certain pegasus who got scared easily.

He knew he had to be extremely cautious and fast when it came to actually fighting these things. But where did he go so wrong? Why was he running? Maybe it was because he was being too cocky that night and had just charged head-long into the beast without checking to see what it was. That was a big mistake that cost him a few broken ribs and no sword. Said sword had been ripped away from him and he had no clue where it was now. If his teacher was here he would be smacking him over the head with the sheath while he ran.

But his teacher wasn't here, he was on his own. He had to come up with a plan and fast. If he could somehow find a way to take out the-

*VVVVVVMMMMMMMMM BEEEM*

A huge bang and a red flash filled the forest as an explosion threw him up and practically all the way out the forest. He flew through the air spinning around before finally hitting the ground face-first and skidding so hard he made a great trench.

He pulled himself out and through the one eye that was still working he saw he was out of the forest and next to the cottage of that scaredy pegasus. He quickly located the portal just inside the forest in a big tree. He hauled himself up and walked back to the edge as the creatures caught up to him. They all stopped and watched him with curious gazes. They were waiting for the signal to kill from their master.

The master of those monsters stomped over and stopped as well in front of his prey. He felt a surge of anger as he beheld him. His robotic mind registered a name before he roared and the beasts below him roared as well. He looked down with a great red eye and said in a deep, metallic voice, "Organic..."

The Wanderer merely smiled, showing broken teeth and bloody lips. His hat and glasses were gone and he was bleeding from many places. His hands glowed as he spat out blood and readied himself.

"I’m no organic mate. I’m a Guardian, also known as your worst nightmare. But you can just call me the Wanderer."

The monsters growled and howled and were more than ready to tear him limb from limb. He was ready to do the same to them as two axes appeared in his hands.

"COME ON THEN!" he yelled and the beasts attacked. What happened next was all a blur of teeth and claws and white as guardian power met bestial power in a clash that lasted all night long.

.................................................................

Sleep did not come easily to Fluttershy that night as nightmarish sounds echoed from outside her home. Sounds she had never heard of before, something like grinding metal and pounding on the earth. There had even been an earthquake that shook her house for a few seconds. She pulled herself under the covers and tried her best to hide and prayed the noises would stop and she would be okay.

For a moment, silence suddenly filled the night as the noises stopped. Fluttershy peeked out slowly from the covers at the window; nothing but darkness met her gaze. She sighed, thinking it was all over. But then a bright white light violently flashed through the glass and into her room as a loud and warped noise sounded followed by a bang. She became so scared she felt herself suddenly grow faint from fear and darkness came to save her.

The last thing she heard went something like: *DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA*

And then all was silent....

………………………………………………………..

The next morning, Fluttershy opened her eyes and noticed how calm everything was, like the calm after a bad storm. She rose up a little to look out the window and saw the bright blue sky above her. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in sight. But something felt off, very off.

She walked out of her room and into the living area. She saw that a few things had fallen over last night. Among those was a bag of animal food, now empty and surrounded by several of her furry friends with some quite full stomachs. Well at least she wouldn't have to feed them this morning.

She took that opportunity to step outside to check on her other animals. She looked around nervously, that bad feeling getting worse. She was walking around to the side of her house when she saw it. It was a long, deep trench stretching from the forest to right beside her house. It barely missed her animal friends and looked like something had been thrown out of the woods.

She decided to follow it into the forest and as she entered she saw several burn marks on the trees and ground. There were also many slashes in the bark of the trees. The trail of destruction brought her to a wide oak tree; its circumference was bigger than any tree in forest. She began to circle it and an object on the other side caught her attention.

It looked like a steel-toed boot.....and attached to it was................,......................

"WANDERER!"

She raced over to his side and gasped at the amount of damage on him. His coat and pants had several rips in them and his face looked like it had been used to chop down a tree. One eye was black and swollen shut and he was bleeding everywhere. His one good eye opened and he looked over to her and smiled. He had several broken teeth and his whole mouth was bloody.

"Hey there Flutters, you got a mirror? I think I chipped a tooth."

Fluttershy wasn't quite as optimistic to the injuries as the Wanderer. In fact, she was pretty much beside herself.

"Oh my! Wanderer, are you ok? What happened?"

She managed to haul him up to his knees while supporting him on her back. He leaned against her as he tried to get his strength back. He whispered the answer to her question into her ear.

"Reaper......a Reaper happened Fluttershy."

"Um....what's a Reaper?" she said back.

"Nasty, giant, robot, lobster, bugger with big lasers, plus a horde of mutant cyborgs at his command. I took care of it though." he said with a crooked smile.

"Oh my..." said Fluttershy frightfully, "how did you defeat them?"

"Um well....."

And flaaaashbaaaack.......

"DAAAAKKAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

And back to the present!

"Let's just say I shot at it a whole lot........until it went away." Wanderer finally answered.

"Is that how you deal with all of your enemies?" Fluttershy asked curiously.

"Only the really big ones." he said back.

The Wanderer then began to try and stand, using both the tree and Fluttershy as crutches. She did her best to support him as he stood, wobbling on his legs.

"Are you okay? I think they might be broken...." She said concerned about his legs.

"I'll be alright," he said, still battling to keep upright, "Just need to give my body time to heal."

"It can do that?"

Oh yeah," he said, right as several cracks and pops could be heard from his legs and chest, "Guardian power-ow-gives me the ability to-ow-heal myself. I can even come back from the most-ow-horrendous of wounds and-ow-lethal of sicknesses. Ow!"

As she watched, Fluttershy saw his legs start to bend back into place and his multitude of cuts and bruises vanish without a trace. The Wanderer brought his hands up and dragged them down his face with a tired sigh. As he did his face went from ugly and fucked up to normal with his mustache and beard finely trimmed as usual as his hands passed over it. The only thing missing was his left eye which was still shut and sunken inward. He shifted his weight back and forth on his legs and swung his arms around to check everything. He bent his back and twisted around on his hips, making the joints pop. Finally he snapped his neck with a satisfying crack and sighed as the pain finally went away.

“Wow…” said Fluttershy in awe of his amazing power.

“Ahh that’s better,” he said in a breath of relief, “now to just find my sword and hat.”

“But what about your eye?” Fluttershy asked.

The Wanderer reached up and felt the empty socket in surprise, “Oh! I was wondering why everything was so blurry. The smaller things tend to take longer as there are some rather delicate connections that need to be replicated. Should be fixed in a few more minutes.”

As he finished he raised his hand out towards the inner forest and a whistling suddenly started sounding. Fluttershy looked to where the sound was coming from when she saw a silver streak come shooting towards them. She yelped and ducked but nothing happened, the sound had stopped and when she looked up she saw the Wanderer’s sword in his hand with his hat balanced on top of the handle.

“Thank you dear.” he said as he took the hat and put it on before sheathing the sword.

He looked down at Fluttershy, who had gotten back up with a bashful look, and said, “Well now that its morning and I just got through kicking ass and taking names Miss Fluttershy…..I could sure use some coffee.”

He then pulled another pair of sunglasses from his EBJ (Epic Brown Jacket) and put them on as he stepped out of the forest. Fluttershy followed and saw the Wanderer standing there as the sun cleared the trees and he stood in front of it staring out into space and she could have sworn she heard some kind of epic music playing as she beheld him…….

They began to walk back to her cottage but she stopped when they reached the trench.

“Um….Wanderer? This trench….”

“You like it?” he asked, “Pretty good isn’t it? I made it with my face.”

“WHAT?!” she yelled.

“Oh come on, I’ve had far worse.” He said, looking behind at her as she stared at him in disbelief.

“Are you sure?” she asked, running up to him.

“Yes I’m sure.” he said. He then turned around to her as they stood in front of her house and took his glasses off, revealing his brand new eyeball. She gasped and he winked at her with it.

“See? I told you. Now may I please have some coffee?”

Fluttershy hesitated a little, still concerned, but finally said, “Oh okay. Come in and I’ll make you something. If you’re sure you are alright?”

“I am quite sure Rach-HMPH!” the Wanderer had started to say before stopping himself by clamping his hands over his mouth.

“What did you say?” asked Fluttershy.

“I uh…said I’m quite sure Fluttershy. Yeah I said that. That’s what I said.” he answered, turning and quickly walking after her inside of her cottage making sure to avoid hitting his head on the low door frame. Even then he had to bend a little once inside. He shrunk down to the appropriate size to accommodate.

Fluttershy passed off whatever the Wanderer had said and went into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. Meanwhile, the Wanderer was having an argument with himself.

“God damnit you dumbass, watch what you’re saying. You almost let an ugly cat out of the bag!”

He turned to face the opposite direction, “Bitch, I don’t even know where the hell that came from!”

His self-argument was interrupted when Fluttershy called from the kitchen, “How do you like your coffee?”

“Oh um just black please!” he called back before saying a bit quieter, “I will finish this conversation with me later.”

He walked over to the couch and began to sit down but Fluttershy saw this and said quickly, “Oh um…Mister Wanderer um…could you be sure to not sit on the left side of the couch?”

He immediately sprang up and said frantically, “Why? You don’t have an anti-social OCD nerd living here do you?”

“Um…..no?” said Fluttershy with a confused look.

“Oh thank Creator…” the Wanderer said before flopping down on the right side of the couch.

(Ten eccentric points to the person who can tell me what that was a reference to.)

Fluttershy brought in two cups of coffee to them and handed one to the Wanderer who gratefully accepted it and sipped the dark liquid with a sigh of relief.

“Ah that hits the spot. So, Fluttershy, why am I not allowed to sit on the other end of the couch?”

“Oh um….well…” she said nervously, “It’s my pet bunny, Angel. He doesn’t like it when someone sits in his spot.”

“A bunny?!” asked the Wanderer incredulously, “Come now. Do you honestly think a rabbit is a threat to me?”

He then put his feet up on the other end of the couch and reclined back.

On the other side of town, in a library in a tree, Spike suddenly got a horrible feeling and dropped the books he was carrying.

“Spike? Are you okay?” asked Twilight. Luna peeked out of her room at the sound of the commotion.

“I don’t know….I just got this horrible feeling.” He turned to look at both mares in a state of panic, “I think we should go and check on the Wanderer. Now.”

And before you ask, yes this is going to be bad, yes he is about to get his ass handed to him by a rabbit, and yes…….you get to laugh at it.

“Oh my! Mister Wanderer, please don’t do that. He might……see…” Fluttershy was saying before stopping.

The Wanderer opened his eyes and looked to where she was staring with a horrified expression. He slowly turned to look at the arm of the couch by his feet to see a small, white rabbit, no bigger than his hand. It was giving him the biggest death stare he had ever received and right then and there he should have moved his ass off of the couch. But instead he just smiled at the harmless little thing, thinking that there was no possible way this rabbit could hurt him.

“Well look at you. Aren’t you cute?” he said with a sly grin.

He then closed his eyes and relaxed again but instead he received a rabbit’s foot right in the snozz which had enough force to send him crashing through the front door and into the yard, once again making a trench with his face.

The rabbit landed hard on his feet, slamming a fist into the ground as he did. The sheer force of it caused the whole house to shake. Now by now you are probably asking: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! Well you see Angel is no ordinary bunny. His real name is Mogar the Brutal and he was once the most feared pony barbarian in all of Equestria. He would terrorize villages for years before being cursed by a mage to live forever as a small white rabbit. He wandered aimlessly for years throughout Equestria and found himself near death in the Everfree forest but was saved by the pegasus Fluttershy. Now he owes her a life debt and protects her from harm and tolerates her as best he can but now this new creature dares to put his filthy feet on his throne?! He will be pummeled into the dirt for his crime!

………………………………what the hell did I just type?..................................... Whatever let’s roll with it!

The Wanderer struggled to dislodge himself from the trench and finally manage to wrench himself out. His face was back to its bruised look from earlier.

“What is it with you people and my face?!” he hollered as he spun to face the rabbit slash barbarian who was now standing defiantly in the doorway which was really a huge fucking hole in the house now.

The Wanderer had seen a many great extraordinary things in his travels, in fact it was almost expected for something he had never seen before to pop up out of nowhere and either scare the bejesus out of him or lay him into the dirt. And it just so happens this bunny had done one of those things and was about to do the other. They both just stared at each other and the Wanderer slowly took off his glasses and threw them out of the way.

“Alright you,” he said slowly as he cracked his knuckles, “Number one, I can’t believe I am about to fight a rabbit with super powers. Number two………………”

And then he brought his hands up and made a come on sign with them and said, “Come at me bro.”

Angel, or *ahem* Mogar, leapt at the Wanderer with a speed that would make Rainbow Dash hurl all the colors in the spectrum but to the Wanderer it wasn’t quite fast enough as he dodged it by bending backwards and the rabbit sailed over his head and missed completely. The Wanderer spun on his heel and came up all while the rabbit was still trying to stop its flight. However, an elongated arm reached out to grab the furry nuisance and fling it back over to face the Wanderer who now had it clasped in both hands in a very tight grip. The Wanderer stared down into the eyes of the rabbit and it was then he saw what was really behind the strength of this creature.

He laughed out loud and said, “This world just won’t stop surprising me will it?”

The rabbit struggled for a while but stopped and panted for breath as the grip of the Wanderer tightened.

“What? Is that it? Is that all you’ve got?” he taunted but stopped when he heard another voice, “Mister Wanderer. Put down the rabbit.”

He looked over to see Fluttershy standing in what was once her door, glaring at him. The Wanderer did not like that glare at all and quickly stopped squeezing Angel.

“Thank you. Now if you’ll be so kind to release him and stop hurting my animal friends….”

“But he kicked me!” the Wanderer shouted back.

“And that was wrong and he will apologize but that was no way to handle it.”

The Wanderer slumped over at the shoulders and said, “Fine. I’m sorry. Now so long as there are no more interruptions-“

“SHAZAM!”

“GOD DAMNIT!”

In the split second that followed, the Wanderer flung Angel back at Fluttershy who caught him before a column of yellow lightning struck the Wanderer from straight above driving him into the ground. Fluttershy yelled as she saw the Guardian once again knocked down. Then a shadow passed over her and she looked up to see another creature that looked like the Wanderer slowly float down. As he landed, dark clouds filled the sky as yellow lightning flashed above. The man had his arms crossed over his chest which was covered by a black suit which had a yellow lightning bolt emblazoned on the front. He had a bored expression on his face as he landed in front of the Wanderer who was still picking himself up.

“So you are the one I am supposed to eliminate. I was expecting a better challenge.”

The Wanderer recognized the voice from many an encounter and when he looked up he saw the familiar evil face of a ruthless tyrant.

Up above in the Ether, the Master was actually surprised at the sudden appearance and he turned to see Shazam flying towards him.

“Master! I felt the word being called by one who should not be alive. Is it really him?”

“I am afraid so Wizard.” the Master replied, turning back to stare down at the world, “Black Adam is alive and on that world.”

Back down on Equestria, the Wanderer picked himself up on his elbows to stare at the super human who had attacked him.

“Black Adam…..what the fuck are you doing here? You’re supposed to be dead and buried.”

Black Adam just smiled evilly before kicking the Wanderer right in the face, sending him flying. He then zoomed up and grabbed him by the neck in the air.

“I don’t know how you know that, but yes I was dead but now I have been resurrected and sent here to conquer this pathetic world. All I have to do is kill you.”

The Wanderer pulled on the hand clasped on his throat in mock helplessness when really he was charging for an all-out brawl. He just had to keep Adam talking.

“And just who was it who sent you here?”

Adam laughed which sent chills down Fluttershy’s back who was cowering in her house but still watching all that unfolded. Angel/Mogar was clasped in her hooves and was transfixed in the struggle in front of him. He had never seen anything like this in his long life.

“I know not who he was,” Adam replied, “But he told me to find a man in a brown coat and to kill him. In return I would have this world as my own to rule. Of course, I didn’t know it was populated by such pathetic creatures.”

He looked over at Fluttershy with a disgusted look and she eeped at his gaze. The Wanderer took this moment to reach out and grab Adam’s head in both hands before releasing the pent up power. The force of the blow sent Adam flying and sliding along the ground. The Wanderer landed in front of Adam who stood up with an angry expression on his face.

“If you want to kill me you’re going to have one hell of a hard time doing it.”

Adam just smiled before clenching his fists and sending sparks flying all over his body, “You cannot even hope to defeat a god!”

The Wanderer just smiled in kind, “Bitch, I’ve killed plenty of gods.”

Then Adam charged the Wanderer who met him head on with a kite shield. The tyrant slammed into the steel wall with enough force to move the Wanderer a few inches and cause a shockwave to reverberate through the air. It shook the cottage and buckled the ground. The whole town felt it and turned their heads to the source beneath the black clouds.

The Wanderer held his ground as Adam tried to knock the Guardian over but he ended up with a bash right on his nose which staggered him and caused his powers to shut off. The Wanderer then unloaded a barrage of punches on the so-called god. He let loose a flurry of punches and kicks and elbows before kneeing Adam in the jaw. Adam flew back holding his aching jaw while staring daggers at the Wanderer. He became so angry he let loose lighting from his hands but the Wanderer just leapt into the air and dodge it. But Adam was expecting this and grabbed the chicken coop and flung it at the Wanderer.

“Oh shit!” was all the Wanderer could say as the coop smashed into him, splintering into a hundred pieces. The Wanderer slammed into the ground and laid there covered in feathers and wood. Thankfully, none of the chickens were in the coop at the time. Adam flew into the Wanderer and picked him up again before slamming him into the ground.

“SHAZAM!” he cried before fleeing a good distance away. The Wanderer rolled out of the way just in time as a pillar of lightning struck the ground just inches from him. He picked himself up before being shrouded in the dust that was flung up by the explosion. Adam was surprised when the Wanderer vanished and began searching for him in the dust. But before he could even get close, an arm flung out and grabbed him by the neck and reeled him into the cloud where sounds of a beat down could be heard as the Wanderer began another barrage of hits on the super-powered human. He threw Adam into the air and sent another arm out but Adam grabbed it at the last second and held onto it as he charged at the Wanderer with a roar.

The two went blow for blow as they fought each other. Adam was trying to land a good hit on the Guardian while shooting out sparks to strike him but the Wanderer proved to be too much for him. Another huge hit sent Adam clear out of the dust and into the dirt a few yards away. Adam picked himself up to see a bright light shining from within the cloud. Fluttershy also saw this and peaked out some more to get a good view. What they both saw caused their jaws to drop.

Anyone seen that Game of Thrones poster with the throne of swords or whatever it’s called? Okay, imagine along with those swords, every single melee weapon you know of and put it on the back of the Wanderer like some huge crest. See where I’m going with this?

The Wanderer didn’t even so much as buckle from the weight of all those weapons. He charged at Adam with a battle cry as the super human tried to stop him strikes for above. But they either missed or glanced off of the Guardian. Finally, the Wanderer slammed into him and began to grab each of the weapons and hit the tyrant with each one, one at a time. The amount of hits on Adam actually caused a few wounds to open and blood to appear. Fluttershy lost count on the amount of hits that were landed but the amount of weapons grew smaller and smaller with each one and Adam became weaker and weaker. Finally, the Wanderer reached behind for the final weapon which happened to be a crowbar. He smacked Adam so hard it sent him flying into the forest and through several trees before smashing into an old castle and falling through several floors before landing on a statue of six orbs and crashing onto the cold marble floor.

The Wanderer immediately flew after him and stopped in front of the entrance to the castle. He waited to see what Adam would do next and the answer came sooner than expected. The super human came barreling out of the front doors and landed an uppercut that sent the Wanderer into the air where Adam then zoomed up and kneed him again on the chin before grabbing him and holding him in the air, several feet up by his back.

“SHAZAM!”

As Adam called out he slammed the Wanderer face first down into the ground hard. This time the Guardian wasn’t able to dodge as the pillar hit him at full force. He yelled out as the lightning shocked him but then as it ended, Adam slammed down on his back with both feet. He held the blow before flying off and landed in front of the castle.

“You put up a good fight but like I said before, you are no match for me!” Adam yelled as the Wanderer picked himself up.

The Wanderer smiled and spat out some blood and said, “Says the douche that’s currently bleeding out his eyeballs. Might want to get that checked sparky.”

The Wanderer knew he hit a nerve when Adam became infuriated and began charging up again. The Wanderer did the same and prepared for a clash.

“I WILL OBLITERATE YOU!”

“GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT FREAK!”

Then the two flew at each other at breakneck speeds and their fists collided together. The amount of power flashed and filled the area with heat and light. Both men struggled to dominate the other as the rush of power blew past them and tugged at their hair and clothes. Suddenly the Wanderer felt himself losing the battle as the angry expression on Adam became more and more furious. He tried to push back harder but then he slipped.

The whole amount of power that was built up went into Adams fist as it collided with the Wanderer. The hit sent him flying into the air and through several clouds as he cleared the forest and came falling down into the town of Ponyville. He crashed through the top of the town hall and came out on the other side. He then landed in a wagon full of apples and bounced and rolled along the ground taking several stands with him.

He finally stopped right in the center of town and laid painting on the ground. He was smoking and everything hurt, big time. Every felt sore and cramp and he knew he was running out of power and soon he wouldn’t be able to do much more. But he had enough for one last trick; he just needed Adam to say the word.

Speaking of the devil, Adam appeared above the Wanderer and stared down at his smoking body as he came up on his knees. The ponies were all scared out of their minds at these two creatures that were tearing up their town. At that moment, Twilight, Spike, and Luna arrived to discover what all the commotion was about. They gasped in fear when they saw the two. Adam looked around at every one of them and made a disgusted noise in his throat.

“When I am through with you, I will make sure to destroy every single one of these small, insignificant, and weak creatures.”

The Wanderer looked up with a face that showed no more cockiness or eagerness for a fight. Instead there was pity.

“You will do no such thing Adam!” he called out, “I am the Guardian of this world! And you will be sent back and you will never return! Theses ponies are under MY protection and no harm will come to them! Now END IT!”

Adam had had enough of this nuisance and called to the heavens one last time, “SHAZAM!”

Then the lightning came, it crashed down onto the Wanderer with a flash of light. But something was wrong, Adam looked with surprise as did everypony else as the Wanderer caught the stream of thunder in his upraised hands and held the power there.

“SHAZAM!” called Adam, “SHAZAM! SHAZAM!”

He called several more times as the pillar kept falling on the Wanderer but he still held the monstrous amount of power as a ball of thunder began to shine and grow between his hands. The lighting began to turn white as he slowly rose up onto his feet even with the stream of lightning still falling down.

“Give up! You cannot hold back the thunder of the gods!” cried Adam whose voice now held a hint of fear.

“Black Adam…” the Wanderer said, “Who do you think gave them the thunder?”

Adam’s face began to turn into one of shock and fear as he became paralyzed at the scene before him, “WHO ARE YOU!?” he called down.

(Warning: Incoming badass moment)

The Wanderer then shot the held power back at Adam as it all came crashing into the tyrant who yelled as the white lightning enveloped him. And over the din of the strike, the Wanderer’s voice could be heard.

“I AM THE THUNDER!” the Wanderer shouted back,

“AND YOU!"

"HAVE BEEN!"

"THUNDERSTRUCK!”

The thunder exploded and Adam was hit with so much power that it could be seen from the Ether as a great mass of white light that spread over the world. He was sent flying up out of the atmosphere and towards the moon. Luna saw this and a light bulb suddenly went off in her head.

“Be right back.” She told both Twilight and the Wanderer.

She then teleported herself to in front of the moon and grabbed the sphere with her magic. She saw Adam spinning in space towards her at an incredibly fast speed. She then pulled the moon back and began spinning it around her, going faster and faster with each turn.

Finally as Adam neared she cried out, “GET OUT OF MY WORLD!”

Then she hit him with the moon dead on sending him literally burning back towards the planet. Back down on the surface, the Wanderer saw him coming and drew a Model 500 revolver and began running along the ground. He went faster and faster towards where he knew Adam would be. Adam was screaming and yelling as he fell towards the ground in a great fireball. Seconds before he hit the ground, the Wanderer leapt up and leveled the revolver right at Adam’s head and fired the split second it was there. The Guardian power combined with the force of his descent and sent him back into his portal and up into his dimension. Adam was defeated and gone.

The Wanderer flew towards the portal and shut it with his sword. Luna then appeared beside him as he leaned against the tree painting heavily.

“So how did I do?” she asked.

“Well,” the Wanderer said, “You could say that was a beat down of……astronomical proportions.”

“That was terrible.”

“Yea it was…….want some coffee?”

“I would love some Wanderer.”

And then both Guardian and Princess walked out of the words together casually for some coffee.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Next time on Our Guardian Enigma:

*SLAM!*

“OUCH! Is this really necessary?”

“Yes it is! Do you know how long we have been searching for you?!”

“Wanderer please stop! Don’t hurt him! He’s a friend!”

“HE is a wanted man by the entire Guardian force! He has broken more laws and caused more catastrophes than anyone else!”

“Yes alright I admit it. I did cause a few messes but they were all to save the universe and I am sorry I didn’t atone for my mistakes but please don’t do this.”

“Wanderer please put him down and explain what is going on and why that man is suddenly not a pony!”

“I can explain everything later Luna just let me talk to the Wanderer. Please you can’t do this Long John.”

“Why not?! Huh? Give me two good reasons why I shouldn’t throw you and your box into the deepest and blackest part of the End forever?”

“Because I’m the Doctor and you need me.”

Author's Note

KADNFBEYSDBFUONROWNGUVBDYUEBWODFNONVUEBUIWEBDOFNWAAARRRRGGGGHHHDOCTORWHO!

See that? Thats you. Freaking out right now.

Well its finally here and its been a long time coming. This one is just jammed pack with action and it is awesome. I hope you all can handle it. hehehe

I'd like to say a few things, one being a late happy birthday to Angels. Happy birthday!.
Also a shoutout to the Watcher for being one crazy dude and for putting up that awesome song on my profile. :D

Also, that self insert fic I told you about is almost ready to be submitted. We got the prologue up and we are working on the first chapter as we speak. Check out our profile: M E W
Cool name huh?
Also don't forget to check out our group: The Storytellers Clan.

Finally be sure to keep an eye on my blog as I am going to be a lot more active on it posting questions and story ideas and top five fav stories of the week. So look out for that stuff.

Alright now I hope you enjoyed this action packed update and I'll see you next time.
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ECCENTRIC MISTAH E OUT!
HHHHOOOOOO!!!

The Doctor Chapter: Commence geek out!

The Doctor Chapter: Commence geek out!

He was sitting on an outside patio with a wonderful view of the capital city of Canterlot as it was called. He was sitting on a chair that was much too small for him but, with a lot of prayer, it did not break when he planted his ass in it. He removed his hat and glasses and positioned the umbrella as high as it could go and opened it, creating a nice ring of shade against the rising sun. It had been a grand total of two days since the fight against Black Adam and he had not stopped thinking about that. About whom the super-villain was talking about when he said he had been sent with the promise of conquering this world. His thoughts were interrupted by the aroma of his favorite morning drink and smiled as a tray of two smoking cups came floating through the restaurant door as his favorite dark blue alicorn walked out with it grasped in her magic.

The Wanderer stood and bowed to the princess and said in a cheerful voice, “Good morning princess Luna. So good of you to join me on this beautiful morning.”

Both he and the princess had gotten into the habit of meeting every morning for coffee as a way of exchanging news and just chatting. Both had developed a sort of friendship although Luna thought that it was the strangest friendship she had ever been in.

She placed the tray down and took her seat as the Wanderer sat down as well, being careful not to break the chair.

“Good morning Wanderer,” Luna said in a calm and content manner, “I hope you were actually able to find some sleep last night?”

The Wanderer waved his hand and said, “Nah. Spent most of it just roaming the forest. We guardians run off a different form of life than you lot. As immortals we basically don’t need to sleep or eat and drink for that matter but…”

He reached for his cup and held it against his nose as he inhaled the strong odor and took a hearty sip of the hot stuff. He let out a sigh as steam escaped his lips, “I was never one to turn down a good cup of Joe.”

Luna raised an eyebrow at this, throughout the time she had gotten to know the Wanderer she had slowly gotten used to him but there was always something to surprise her whenever they met.

“So why do you eat and drink and sleep if you do not need it?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her as usual when it came to learning about the Guardians.

“Well,” the Wanderer began, “For enjoyment mostly. We can eat or drink whatever we want and not feel full or get fat or anything. Some feasts held at the Citadel can go on for years at a time. We can still get drunk and all but it takes some powerful stuff to do so and if a Guardian does get drunk it usually leads to a big mess.”

“Have you ever gotten drunk Wanderer?”

The Wanderer just smiled in that “maybe” style as he took a drink of his coffee.

Luna kept herself from laughing and decided to ask about something else, “So why do you smoke those cigars then?”

“Because they taste good like I said,” he pulled one out of his coat and lit it with his lighter, the silver Zippo sparking wildly as he struck it. He took a big inhale and let out a cloud of smoke that changed from white to blue.

“And the best part is, it doesn’t kill my lungs or anything else in my body so chain smoking is harmless.”

Luna coughed as the wind blew the pungent smoke into her nostrils, “*cough* well the rest of us aren’t so lucky Wanderer so do manage to not smoke around company.”

The Wanderer flicked away the used ashes on the end of the cigar and said, “Sorry your highness.”

Luna took a drink from her own cup and decided to get to the subject their meetings were usually about, “So what’s the situation so far Wanderer? Have you determined how long it will take before our world is safe?”

The Wanderer let out a disheartening sigh and said, “Not exactly princess although things have been going smoothly so far. No one has been hurt and the balance on this world is relatively stable. However, that last fight has me worried. If someone is hiring baddies from other worlds to come here and destroy this one then this whole situation has gotten a whole lot more dangerous. I have no way of telling what might hit us next but be assured I am prepared for it all.”

Luna seemed to have become more worried over the course of his briefing. She wished there was some way to find out where the next attack would be and how to stop it. As if God himself had lowered his hand to flip the switch, a light bulb suddenly appeared over her head.

“That’s it!” she cried out.

The Wanderer reached over and yanked on the bulbs switch and the glowing orb poofed away as he said, “What’s it sunshine?”

Luna stood up and quickly downed the rest of her coffee and said, “Come with me. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

The Wanderer raised both of his eyebrows as Luna began to quickly walk off the patio and towards the library. He finished his cup and stood as well, sticking the still lit cigar in his mouth as he ran after her. It wasn’t long before they reached the library.

“So are you going to tell me who you want me to meet or is it going to be like a Christmas surprise?” the Wanderer asked as Luna knocked on the wooden door.

“I think I’ll keep this one a surprise.” She answered with a wink.

"Ahh I hate surprises...." John said while turning away and scanning the town.

Luna noticed his odd behavior and decided to ask, "Is something the matter?"

"Well it's just that that pink pony uh....Pink Poop or something?"

"Pinkie Pie?"

"Close enough. Ever since she told me she was going to throw me this awesome party I've been on the lookout for her but I haven't seen main or tail of her anywhere."

Luna was instantly concern by this news. If Pinkie Pie was planning something big....

"I'm sure it will be fine Wanderer. I'll talk to Twilight about it if you want?"

"Yea that'll help a bit. Thanks Lu-"

*WHAM!*

"HIII GUYS!!"

At that moment several rather humorous things happen. One, Pinkie had flung the door outward, smacking Luna right on the nose and sending her flying into a bush. Two, a very startled Wanderer had conjured the first weapon to come to his mind and raise it straight out at the attacker who was Pinkie. This caused Pinkie who was in the middle of yelling out "HIIII!!" in her usual high pitched voice to suddenly find herself giving a blow-job to a Jackhammer MK3A1 shotgun. Oh, and Twilight, in a desperate attempt to stop Pinkie, ran right into her backend which resulted in a rather awkward, yet hysterical, outcome.........you have one guess to where her mouth landed....

Don't worry! This is a strictly non-mature story! We are keeping it clean!

Sort of.....

Anyway!

The Wanderer managed to stop his trigger finger just a hair's inch from pulling the trigger when he saw whose face he was sticking his gun in.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Pinkie! What the hell?!" he shouted at the pony.

Pinkie just smiled as best she could with the 12-gauge barrel in her mouth. She then started talking but thanks to the gun, it was all warped and muffled. She began to ramble about something and didn't even seem worried at all by the big gun.

The Wanderer noticed Twilights awkward position and her shocked expression at where she had come to a stop.

"Um, Pinkie?" The Wanderer tried to say but the party pony kept on talking.

The Wanderer then just gave her this look:

And pulled the trigger…..

Luckily, due to the fact that Pinkie was a native to the world, all the blast did was throw her off the gun like a cork and send her flying back into the library, dislodging Twilight in the process.

"Wheeeeee!" Pinkie cried before an impressive crash could be heard somewhere inside the library.

The Wanderer looked down at Twilight whose face was scrunched up and she had a rather horrified look on her face. He then checked on Luna who was upside down in a bush waving her legs in the air in an attempt to dislodge herself. The Wanderer then found himself trying to hold back a wave of laughter as little spurts came out as he walked over to Twilight.

“Ugh!” she cried, “That tasted like rancid cupcakes.”

And then The Wanderer just slowly fell to the floor as laughter shook his body. His laughter was a dry one from the lungs that resonated throughout the entire building. It started out slow then built up to its full volume and was a mixture of creepy and joyful. He inhaled a lungful of air several times and released it in howling shouts of laughter that caused Twilight to step back a bit. She had never heard a laugh like that before. It was different from Wanderers casual laugh.

Luna had finally dislodged herself and walked through the door to see the Wanderer on the floor rolling around as he tried to bring his laughing streak to an end.

“Um Wanderer? Are you okay?” she asked, a bit worried now due to the fact that John was now coughing quite loudly.

He took in several deep breaths as he steady himself and hauled his body to his knees.

“Yea I’m okay.” he answered before turning to Twilight, “How about you? Are you okay Twat-ImeanTwilight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Then he was back on the floor and Pinkie had now joined him in the laughing marathon as both princess and bookworm facehoofed together.

A few laugh-filled moments later, Wanderer, Luna, and Twilight were now at their destination which happened to be a rather old and foreboding clock tower on the edge of town. It looked like it had seen better days.

"So, would you mind finally telling me who it is I'm meeting?" The Wanderer asked.

"His name is Time Turner and he's a sort of mad genius. He works on creating artificial magic which he calls electricity." Twilight answered.

"Ahh so he's like your world's Thomas Edison?" The Wanderer mused.

"Who?" asked Luna.

"Nothing nothing. So how do you know he can help?"

"Well, he has this device which can do some pretty cool stuff and I'm sure he can use it to track your leaks. Just need to ring the doorbell." Twilight said as she used her magic to pull on a string next to the tall door.

The resulting melody of the bell was a haunting and familiar tone to the Wanderer. He thought he had heard it before but he couldn't be sure. The ringing ended and after a while, no one came to the door. The Wanderer looked down at Twilight who gave a sheepish smile and went to pull the cord again. But before she could, everything went crazy again. All of a sudden the huge bells in. The tower started ringing erratically and the loud sound caused the three visitors to cover their ears. Then the clock hands began to spin wildly around, stopping and spinning again in opposite directions at random moments. The wind began to swirl around the building at high speeds as bright lights shone from the windows and arcs of lightning erupted from the top.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" The Wanderer cried above the wind.

Luna and Twilight couldn't answer him but then above all the chaos, a sound reached his ears. It was a sound that he thought he would never hear again. It started with a soft boom and then it was followed by a dull roar that went on in a steady volume before rising up and down and up and down in a rhythm that that the Wanderer knew all too well. It was the engine of the greatest starship to ever exist and as he listened an old rhyme came to him.

"Something old....something new....something borrowed.....something blue...."

He turned to Luna and Twilight and yelled, "I KNOW THAT ENGINE!" before charging the door and planting his boot right in the middle of it, breaking the lock and flinging it open.

All three of them rushed through and ran to the inner lab and as the Wanderer turned the corner he found himself facing the source of the uproar......a blue police box.

"Time And Relative Dimension In Space..." he said in awe, "There's a sight I thought I would never see again."

"What's it doing?" Luna asked.

"Trying to take off it looks like..." Wanderer said but then a high pitched screech came from the box as the sound of the engines started to grind together.

The Wanderer quickly covered the two ponies with his jacket as sparks erupted from the box and everything became obscured by black smoke and the sound died and all became dark and quiet.

"Everyone okay?" the Wanderer asked while covering his face with his jacket.

Both Luna and Twilight were both coughing from the smoke but they nodded as they covered their faces as well.

"We need to clear all this smoke out." The Wanderer thought.

"Twilight! Luna! Open all of the windows with your magic! I'll blow out the smoke!"

The two magical ponies nodded and in a swirl of lavender and cobalt, all of the windows flew open and the Wanderer summoned a huge industrial fan and turned the switch to "High". The high powered wind blower successfully directed all of the smoke up and out and the room was cleared in just mere seconds.

The Wanderer's fan cleared away as well and he looked around the room to make sure everything was in order. That's when the door to the blue box opened and out stepped an earth pony with brown swept back hair, tan fur........and a bow tie.

"*cough cough hack!* Gah! I almost had it working! Of all the rotten luck! How could things possibly go worse for me?!"

That's when he noticed the Wanderer and as their eyes met, they both knew exactly who they were staring at.

"You...." The Wanderer said silently as his hands started to glow.

"Oh my...." said the Doctor in kind.

A few still moments passed as Luna and Twilight looked back and forth between the two before the Wanderer suddenly lunged out at the pony. But the small equine ducked and scampered under a work table stacked high with odd junk.

"Get back here!" The Wanderer cried as he started chasing the Doctor around the table and TARDIS.

Ok real quick....the Doctor and the TARDIS have just appeared in my story and I'm writing about them....is anyone else besides me geeking out a little?

The Wanderer dove for the pony but missed and collided with the table, knocking over the mountain of junk on top of him. The Doctor took that time to catch his breath and try to calm things down.

"Wanderer! So good to see you again. Uh....I know you must be pretty upset but if you would allow me to explain things um...."

The pile of junk suddenly exploded out as the Wanderer stood to an elevated height with red eyes.

"Explain! Sure why don't you explain where the hell you've been and what the hell you're up to?!"

He then tried to catch the Doctor again but we all know how hard that is. The small pony/time lord ducked and ran for the door.

"That isn't even your real form!" The Wanderer cried before launching a ball of power at the Doctor which hit him in the back.

He was enveloped by the light and before Luna and Twilight's very eyes, he changed. As the light faded, a new creature suddenly fell to the floor and he looked very similar to the Wanderer. He wore nice brown shoes and brown slacks with suspenders over a light blue button-up shirt with a brown fancy jacket and a red bow-tie. His hair was brown and slicked back almost reaching his shoulders and he had wide cheekbones and stark blue eyes.

The now changed Doctor hauled himself to his elbows while cradling his head. He was nursing a headache when the Wanderer suddenly picked him up and slammed him against the wall.

“Ow! Is this really necessary?” he asked.

“Necessary?” said the Wanderer, “Yea I think it’s necessary. Do you know how long I’ve been searching for you?!”

“Wanderer, stop it! That’s enough!” Luna cried out.

The Wanderer just tightened his grip on the Doctor. Twilight then carefully approached him.

“Wanderer, what’s going on? Who is he?”

“He is the most wanted man in the whole of creation. He has caused more catastrophes than I care too count.”

“Yes yes yes.” The Doctor said, “I admit I did make some boo-boo’s in the universe but they were all for the good and protection of it. You know that everything I did was for maintaining the balance. But you Guardians are all so gung-ho about every mishap. All shoot first and ask later.”

The Wanderer tried to answer but couldn’t. The Doctor had a solid point as usual. But he knew that the council had it out for the Time Lord, the all did.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t lock you up.” he said.

“Because….” the Doctor said as he tried to come up with and answer, “The only reason YOU would be here is if this planet was under the most dire of catastrophes and that means you need my help. I can offer my services in any way and I will. This world has been kind to me and I want to help if it’s in danger.”

The Wanderer thought about his answer and tried to find a way to use it to actually get the Doctors help and keep him out of an eternity cell. Suddenly his own light bulb went off and he carefully set the man down.

“Okay Doctor. In that case I hereby sentence you to community service. You will assist me in stopping the catastrophe and lending your services in any way possible. If you succeed in helping to fix the damages, all charges will be dropped.” The Wanderer said in a serious tone.

The Doctors mouth was hanging open in shock but it quickly morphed into a huge smiled as he suddenly caught the Wanderer in a huge hug.

“I accept!” he cried as he let go of the Guardian.

He then grabbed both Luna and Twilight in a similar hug and they both seemed incredibly lost on everything.

The Doctor then turned back to the Wanderer and said, “If you mean to drop all of my charges than this must be more serious than I thought.”

“It is.” the Wanderer said, “It will take a few moments to explain things to you. And you may want to take a seat.”

The Doctor pulled up a stool and sat down saying, “I have all the time in the world.”

A few moments later, both Wanderer and Doctor were inside the TARDIS after the Wanderer had filled in the Time Lord on everything that was happening outside of the world and in the Ether. Needless to say, the Doctor was a more than a little shocked by all of it and immediately suggested they get the TARDIS working again.

“So you are certain that these worlds are a danger to this one?” the Doctor asked.

“Yes I am.”

“So do you think that something like the Daleks might come through?”

“Oh hell no it’s only the fourth chapter. Nothing that scary yet.”

“Um what?”

“Nothing? I didn’t say anything.” The Wanderer said with a smile.

“So what’s wrong with her?” the Wanderer asked as he stepped over the numerous cables and wires that had been stuck in the main control panel of the TARDIS.

Debris and trash were everywhere inside the ship and she looked like she hadn’t been dusted in centuries.

“I don’t know,” the Doctor said as he tried several switches with no results, “All I know is she suddenly crashed herself here and hasn’t worked again since. Not even my sonic screwdriver will work. I’ve had to resort to inventing ways to try and get her back on her feet.”

“She’s not dead is she?” the Wanderer asked now filled with worry for the ship. It was the last of its kind and he did not want to see it go extinct.

“No but it’s almost like she’s lost the will to fly again.”

The Doctor slumped down on one of the chairs and sighed into his hands.

“I don’t know what to do.”

The Wanderer walked over to the panel and moved his hands over the smooth metal with all its little quirky buttons and levers and looked at the still pillar in the middle that was barely lit.

“Right then. Well I guess I’ll just have a little chat with her then.” He said as he grabbed a hold of the panel and began to heave upwards as the metal groaned against his strength.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” the Doctor cried but was too late as the panel finally gave way and lifted, revealing the bright light of the TARDIS’s heart.

The Wanderer casually stared into the light and removed his hat and glasses and well as his coat. He handed them to the Doctor who took them in his arms and watched as he rolled up the sleeve on his right arm and without hesitation thrust the bare arm into the heart.

The minute he did, the whole ship started shaking and glowing as the Wanderer struggled to keep his grip.

“What are you doing I ask again?!”

“I’m trying to talk to her. If I can reach her then I can figure out what’s wrong.”

“You know that will most likely kill you right?”

“I can’t die.”

“Im counting on that.” The Doctor said as he stepped away from the console as everything started sparking.

Suddenly the whole ship started to glow brighter as all of the lights came back on and the pillar began to move up and down again as the glorious sound of the engines roared to life.

“You did it!” the Doctor cried, “You fixed her!”

“No!” the Wanderer cried, “Not yet. I need to fix the internal damages and calibrate her.”

Suddenly the doors slammed shut and locked as the ship started to shake even more violently. Outside both Luna and Twilight cried out as the TARDIS began to fade away and disappear. Back inside, a feeling weightlessness took over the two as the ship flew into space and across the stars. The Wanderer was struggling to fix the TARDIS but as he was doing so, he began to see all of space and time through the vortex inside. He saw the Ether and all of the worlds that floated around all at once and all that was happening in those worlds. He saw time itself flow by in an endless and unstoppable river.

“So this is what he sees every day of his life.”

Then he saw the catastrophe over Equestria and dread filled his heart. The whole mass had gotten bigger than last time and he could see more dimensions being brought in as bright flashes shone in the Ether. The Doctor saw it too and he was fixed in a state of shock at the whole of it. He knew of the Ether and the damage a leak could do but to see so many falling on his home caused to feel a rush of fear like anything he had felt before.

As they looked on at the massive pile of orbs, the TARDIS finally stopped and fell silent. It floated in the space of the Ether and appeared calm. The Wanderer still did not take his hand out as he continued to work on the ship. The Doctor approached the doors that were now opened and stared at the mass of dimensions.

“Every time I see this place it’s always bigger.” he said.

“And know you are going to help save it.” said a new voice that echoed throughout the interior of the ship.

A bright light appeared before the door and the Doctor had to step back and cover his eyes while the Wanderer stared ahead at it. It faded to reveal the Master, now in a new suit and tie.

“Hello Doctor. It’s been a long time.”

“Well this day just keeps getting interesting.” the Doctor said as he beheld the Master.

The Wanderer suddenly felt the last piece of the TARDIS fall into place and the engine began to hum in its regular pattern as everything returned to normal. He slowly removed his hand and sighed when he saw it had been burned to nothing but the white bones. The Doctor cried out in shock but the Master just approached and studied the arm.

“That’s what you get from sticking in something you shouldn’t.”

“Yeah that’s what she said.” The Wanderer replied cheekily, “And now it’s going to itch like hell until it heals.”

“That’s what he said,” the Master said with a smile and a laugh.

“Oh god I hope not.” The Wanderer said with a look of terror.

“Um,” the Doctor said, catching their attention, “Can someone tell me what’s going on out there?”

The Master continued to walk around the console of the TARDIS while answering the Doctors question, “The catastrophe is growing and we have been attacked by forces of whoever is behind this. These attacks have kept us from saving most of the world’s brought in to the mass.”

“Whose behind the attacks?” the Wanderer asked as he pulled his sleeve back down covered his bony hand.

“Rogue Guardians.” The Master said without a hint of emotion.

Both Wanderer and Doctor stared in complete shock at the answer. They both knew there were rogue Guardians but they all had no power and most were locked away.

“How are they able to fight you like this? How are they keeping you back?” the Wanderer asked.

“Someone has given them their powers back. I have no idea how and its driving me insane. The council is mad with fear and they demand to know if you are making progress. I was in the middle of trying to contact you when you flew by in this. Quite convenient I should add.”

There was a moment of silence as everyone simply thought on the news of rogue Guardians having power and working to make the catastrophe bigger. At this point, they would have to make a whole new category for it.

“Well I’m closing up leaks left and right without any problems although everything that’s come through has either stumbled in or been sent by the forces behind it.”

“That is not a good thing.” The Master stated.

“Um…” the Doctor tried to speak but lost the words.

“If you have any way of helping us Doctor, please we need all the help we can get.”

“Well if I can find the signature of the leaks I can map them out and monitor them with the TARDIS. I’ve made tons of improvements to her and I can set it up to make it a base for the Wanderer to communicate with you if we can set up a point out in the Ether.”

“I’ve had my people working on that for some time. I’ll tell them to lock on the TARDIS and connect with it,” the Master said, “In the meantime, find those leaks. We are running out of time Doctor and you could be the key to gaining an upper hand in all of this.

The Master approached the Wanderer and put a hand on his shoulder, “Keep up the good work. I have complete faith in you and I will send help the moment I can. We just have to keep pushing and we will get to the bottom of this.”

“I know. I won’t fail you.” The Wanderer said.

The Master walked to the door and stopped, “I must return to the battle and put an end to it. You two return to Equestria and get started on your own fight. This is far from over but hope has not left us yet.”

He then vanished in another flash of light and as it faded the Wanderer looked to the Doctor and said, “Shall we make a grand entrance?”

The Doctor smiled and said, “I think I can whip something up.”

Then he ran over to the console as the Wanderer put his jacket and hat back on and help to direct the TARDIS back to Equestria. They pushed and pulled and twisted all sorts of buttons and levers as the engine began to roar again and they felt the ship fly towards the planet at breakneck speeds.

“GERONIMO!” they both cried together.

Back down on Equestria, Luna and Twilight were outside the clock tower trying to find the missing Guardian and Time Lord. Suddenly they heard a familiar sound and looked up to see a blue box zoom past them towards the center of town. They raced off to try and catch it.

In the town square, ponies of all ages suddenly stopped as they heard a sound that was old as time and new as a passing second. It was the sound of a spaceship that was borrowed from a dead race and colored a familiar blue. The blue box with its bright letters and flashing light landed smoothly in the center of town and the sound died down as the wind blew around the square. The ponies all gathered around stared at the blue box when the doors were suddenly flown opened and two men stepped out on the grass. One was the Wanderer with his long coat and wide hat, smoking a cigar that sparked and smoked and the other was a man with a bow tie and a fez who looked like the most unusual man in all of creation. They were the Wanderer and the Doctor and they were there to save the world……

Excuse me while I geek out a moment…

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OK im better!

The Doctor stepped forward and spread his hands and said, “Greetings ponies! I am the Doctor and this is my friend the Wanderer. We are here to save the world!”

“The author already said that!” the Wanderer said.

“Oh sorry.” replied the Doctor.

“Anyway,” the Wanderer continued, “We are beings from a whole ‘nother time and world but we are here as friends and protectors. You have no need to fear us or our blue box.”

The ponies all seemed to grow less scared of the two and some even recognized the Doctor, including one cross eyes mare.

“So Doctor?” the Wanderer said as he turned to his new comrade and held out a hand, “Ready to fight a catastrophe?”

The Doctor took a hold of the Wanderer’s hand and said, “Ready and raring!”

“Hey!”

Both men turned to see Pinkie poking her head out of the TARDIS with an ecstatic look on her face or is that her normal look?

“This thing is bigger on the inside!”

Both Guardian and Time Lord laughed at her statement and the Doctor followed it by saying, “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that…”

Next time on Our Guardian Enigma:

“Are they all gone?”

“I think so…”

“Good. That was one hell of a firefight.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Wait what’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“There up in clouds.”

“I don’t see any-“

“GALEK GUN FIRE!”

“MOVE!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!

“Doctor…………..DOCTOR!”

“Well well well. Looks like I get that rematch after all.”

“Yea it does. I hope you’re ready to lose again…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Vegeta!”

Author's Note

Ok now we're really starting to geek out arent we?

oh and rushed chapter is chapter............

Enjoy this! I is off for a much needed vacation.

I wrote all of this in one night. It is currently 1:30 AM. We leave in 3 hours. You are welcome now wheres the love?!

Bonus Holiday Chapter!

The Wanderer laid on the hill he had camped out on for several days now. It held the perfect view of the forest and especially the town itself which was now as festive as anything he had seen. Everything was covered in a light blanket of snow and lights and holly and other Christmassy decorations were strung and planted throughout the town. They were celebrating their version of Christmas which was called Hearth's Warming Eve. And while there were some differences from the holiday he celebrated, there was enough similarity to be called the same. Gifts were given and songs were sung and there was even a play depicting the history behind the holiday which was how the pony races all came together. His friends were even starring in it.

Speaking of which it was about to start!

He jumped up and wrapped his scarf around his neck as he took off for the town. He spotted the big stage set up in the middle of the town and made a beeline for it. There was already a crowd there but they made room for him in the middle and when he looked at the stage, he saw three little faces staring at him.

He waved and the crusaders waved back excitedly. They couldn't believe he had made it. Then they disappeared back behind the curtain and the play began with a narration performed by Spike in the beginning.

The Wanderer enjoyed the play and thought that everyone performed admirably. He thought that they must have all done it before. After the play, they all bowed and the Wanderer led the crowd in a standing ovation or at least he thought it counted as one.

Then the Mayor of the town stepped up on the stage and made a speech, "Happy Hearth's Warming Eve everyone! I can honestly say that this is truly the best this town has seen. From the decorations to the amazing performance we just saw tonight."

Everyone stomped in applause and the Wanderer clapped his gloved hands together with them.

"However," the Mayor continued as everyone quieted down, "This would all have never happened were it not for the one known as the Wanderer who came to our world to make sure we would be safe and able to still have our celebrations from the catastrophe the has struck our world."

She looked at the Wanderer and his friends applauded as did everyone else. He looked around with a surprised look and smiled. The Mayor motioned for him to come on stage and speak.

He stepped up and took her place, "Wow....I don't know what to say. It's my job to make sure you're all safe. You don't really have to thank me. And this holiday of yours is nice. It reminds me of the one I celebrate."

"What is it?" Everyone asked.

"It's called Christmas," he explained, "It's pretty much the same except we don't have a big play but we do have presents and wonderful music."

"Really?" The mayor said, "Would you mind showing us some of this music?"

Everyone cheered and his friends all nodded at him.

"Please Wanderer?" The crusaders begged with puppy dog eyes.

"Oh alright!" He said with a smile as he walked over to the piano on the stage as the crowd cheered louder.

He sat down and after picking a song, and began to play.......

His fingers danced across the keys as he played a very familiar melody that to everyone else was a new and bright song. He smiled as he worked his magic and soon, snowflakes began to fall and everyone started to laugh and dance in the falling snow to his beautiful music.

After he had finished, everyone cheered and he bowed low. Then they all began to disperse to spend time with their families. He saw the main six push the crusaders towards him and they were hiding something behind their backs.

They came over sheepishly and Scootaloo said, "Mister Wanderer? We just wanted to thank you and we made you a gift for Hearth's Warming Eve."

"Girls," the Wanderer said, almost having tears in his eyes, "You don't have to get me anything."

Without saying anything else, they revealed their gift and the Wanderer felt tears fall down his face. It was a drawing of him fighting Black Adam. It was a crude but meaningful drawing. He was more than a stick figure with a brown coat and wide hat with shades and a cigar in his mouth. Adam was black with a thunderbolt on his chest and X's for eyes as he was being punched through a portal. Next to him were the words: #1 Badass, scrawled in crayon.

He took it and held it in his hands, fighting back the tears as he smiled.

"I drew the bad guy and the portal!" Applebloom said.

"I drew you and the words!" Scootaloo said as well.

"I colored it." Sweetie Bell said with a bashful smile.

The Wanderer bent down and hugged the three fillies and said, "It's perfect. Thank you. It's the greatest gift I've ever gotten."

They hugged him back and when they let go, they ran after their retreating families and waved goodbye. He waved back and then sat down on the edge of the stage. He felt someone sit next to him and looked to see that it was Rainbow Dash.

She smiled a little and said, "Hey."

He smiled back and said, "Hey Skittles."

She rolled her eyes but let the joke name slide as she said, "You ok there?"

The Wanderer wiped away some tears and said, "Yea I'm ok.....it's just....no one has ever done this for me before."

He held up the drawing and Rainbow looked at him in surprise.

"Really?" She said.

He nodded and after a while she said, "Well we do all owe you our lives and all. You aren't really that bad of a guy. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you."

"Hey now," he said, "Its fine we just got off on the wrong foot. We cool?"

He held out his hand she smiled and put her hoof in it as they shook.

"Yea, we cool." She said with a laugh.

Then they went back to watching the snow fall, happy and content with the quiet night as the world celebrated peace to all and goodwill to everyone.

Then the Wanderer leaned closer to her and said, "Merry Christmas Rainbow Dash."

She leaned against him and said in kind, "Happy Hearth's Warming Eve Wanderer."

MERRY CHRISTMAS FIMFICTION!!!

Author's Note

Hey there and good morning.
I hope you all have a very wonderful Christmas this year.
I cooked this special chapter up just for you all last night.
I hope you like it,
And don't worry the next main chapter is coming along nicely.
Merry Christmas everyone and a happy new years!
From your Eccentric friend,
Mister E
:)

Just your typical prologue

Just your typical prologue

Nothing quite beats lounging on the surface of a comet as it passed around a sun; perfect way to get a tan. But you wouldn't know about that because you're not the guy who can actually do that. He is known as The Wanderer but his friends call him Long John for the way he can shape his body into whatever form he wants. He can be as tall or as short as he needs to be or stretch any part of his body to incredible lengths. They don't know if that’s his actual name though and if you asked the ladies about that it’s a totally different reason altogether. His favorite and current form is the human one however; he finds it to be more versatile and useful especially with all his little add-ons.

He lounged on the comet, soaking up the rays from the sun as he took a long drag from a strange cigar that glowed green and had smoke that changed colors. He was garbed in black cargo pants with many pockets and a grey, long sleeved shirt that had strange metal armor plates colored like brass on the front, shoulders, arms, and back. His boots had steel toes and came up to his knees under the pants and a belt of brown leather with a big silver buckle that had a W on it. He wore black, finger-less leather gloves that had steel in the knuckles. He also had on a dark brown trench coat almost as long as he was, and he was only 6 feet tall at the moment. The trench coat held within its folds all sorts of devices and useful things he needed or just wanted to have around and had a wide collar.

He blew a smoke ring and smiled as he watched it through reflective sunglasses as it changed colors before floating away into space. His skin was a bronze tan and his face sported a thin mustache and goatee and his straight brown hair was styled back into a small ponytail and it was well-kept. He thought to himself that life couldn't get any better.

"That's where you're wrong bitch!" yelled a voice from nowhere.

The Wanderer started when he heard the voice. He rose up on his elbows and looked around for the source. Suddenly, with a flash of light, a small hummingbird appeared before him. Its wings, feet, and beak were gold and the rest of it was a light brown color. Its eyes glowed a soft yellow.

"Yo what up LJ?" it said as it fluttered around the man's head.

"Hermes?" he asked with a confused look. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The bird stopped in front of his face.

"Come to collect you dude." it said.

The Wanderer sighed. He sat up and took off his glasses revealing eyes with irises that had a multitude of colors that swirled around together. Depending on his mood they would sometimes change into one color and even glow if it was an extreme emotion.

"Seriously?" he asked. "Come on Hermes this is supposed to be my decade off."

"I know I know" replied the bird. "You don't think I feel bad about this? After what you did on that arctic planet you deserve it
man. But this is a big one man. We're in deep and we need you right now. I'm sorry dude really but this is worse than you think."

The Wanderers eyes narrowed as he stared at the bird.

"How big and bad?" he asked.

The bird fluttered closer and was hovering mere inches from his face.

"Category G catastrophe!" he said with a dramatic flair.

The Wanderers eyebrows raised up at these words and his eyes stopped swirling for a moment.

"A Cat-G" he thought, "We haven't had one of those in at least ten millenniums."

He looked down and scratched his chin as he thought about all of it. He had only been on his vacation for a short while; he didn't want to leave it so soon.

He looked back up at the messenger.

"Why me Hermes?" he asked.

The bird twittered and landed on the Wanderer's knee.

"Apparently, you're the only one who can deal with; at least that's what I heard. Everyone else is off dealing with other jobs or just don't meet the requirements. But really LJ? I heard that the Master himself asked for you specifically. There's more to this Cat-G than the Council is letting on."

Now the Wanderer was really surprised and curious. The Master never showed this much interest in anything. He really wanted to know what was going on but Hermes really didn't know and he couldn't deny the will of The Master if he wanted him specifically for the job when he had hundreds more to choose from.

He sighed again and stood up. The little bird flew up and hovered in front of him awaiting a response.

"Well then it seems like I don't have a choice. Guess comet-lounging’ll just have to wait."

He walked over to where he left his hat and sword. The hat was made of a brown material same as his coat with a grey band and had a wide, low brim and the sword looked like a simple cane, as long as his leg. The sheath was black with silver metal at each end and a wide silver band where the hilt and the sheath latched together. He put on the hat and attached the sword to the back of his belt horizontally.

He took one long drag from the cigar and blew out a great amount of technicolor smoke that partially enveloped him. He then looked at the half finished cigar and whispered "Fuck" before chucking it into the sun below. His good mood now soured, he turned back to the bird with orange eyes due to irritation and said, "Lead the way Hermes."

The bird nodded and turned around, his back now to the Wanderer. His beak and wings began to glow and he made a slashing movement with both of them. Instantly a large, square hole appeared in space, big enough for the Wanderer to walk through. On the other side was great expanse of black; there were no stars but a purple haze that glowed softly floated around in the dark. Everywhere you looked there were small transparent globes that held within each of them a dimension, a universe, a galaxy. Some glowed and others were dim but all were each a separate dimension that floated in the purple mist.

This was the Ether, the space between universes, the balancing flow of time, and the home of the Guardians, the ones who patrolled the Ether and made sure all was right and balance was maintained. Sometimes the fragile surfaces of the globes would tear and essence of the universe would start to leak out onto another, allowing things from that dimension to pass into the other. It was the Guardians job to mend these tears and clean up the messes the leaks had made as well as protecting the Globes from evil that would seek to destroy or corrupt them.

The Wanderer stepped into the Ether and looked at the great expanse he called home. He turned around to see the portal close to the dimension he had just been to, the portal closed itself and not a single trace was left on the surface. All the globes were small to him, he could hold them in the palm of his hand and there were millions of them, more than anyone could count, they all floated around in the gentle haze of the Ether. The Wanderer was in the outer regions of the Ether and even this far out there were many dimensions floating around. The Wanderer made a note to remember the location of this place. He then turned back to the bird and motioned to start forward.

"After you Hermes." he said.

Then both messenger and Guardian started forward at blinding speeds; dimensions whizzing by them as they flew onward. While they traveled, the Wanderer turned to the bird and asked, "What can you tell me about this so called catastrophe?"

The bird flew around as if uncomfortable, “Well LJ I don’t really know all that much it’s just what I overheard from the Council and it sounded pretty bad. Everyone was in a panic and desperate to get you back. Hell they literally kicked me off the Citadel when they told me to git. I didn’t like it one bit dude. It’s actually got me a little scared.”

The Wanderer felt a bit of concern creep up into him, he cared for the messenger like he was his older brother. They could always be seen together whenever they had the chance to hang which wasn’t often. If this Cat-G has got Hermes scared then he knew it probably wasn’t anything to laugh at.

“Don’t worry Hermes; I’ll take care of things like I always do. Nothings gonna hurt you or anyone else. I’ll find out everything about it from The Master no doubt.” he said in a reassuring tone.

The messenger smiled as some of his fears were put to rest, because this was the Wanderer after all; he could handle anything. His thoughts were interrupted as a flash of light appeared and a sound like a trumpet was heard before all faded away and they found themselves in front of the Citadel. It looked like a cross between Mount Olympus and the Vatican City except it was all bathed in gold. This was the headquarters for the Guardians and the home of the Old Gods and the Council as well as the Master. The Wanderer looked at the top of the hill which lay in the center of the floating city at the domed Cathedral where he knew the Master was waiting. It was kind of good to see the city again, floating in a backdrop of a million dimensions. Hermes sped down towards the entrance which was a giant, golden bar gate and the Wanderer followed after him.

Hermes landed and skidded a few feet as light shone from the spot and when it faded what was once a hummingbird now stood a young man with brown skin wearing black running shorts and a white tank top. His Nike sneakers had wings on the side and his black hair was cut in corn rows. He leaned on a tall staff with two snakes intertwined around it as he watched the Wanderer land with a mighty thoom. The minute the both of them were on the ground the gates opened and a tall figure dressed in a black cloak and hood stepped out. His looked at the two behind black sunglasses and said, “Sorry Hermes, you were two seconds behind. I win the bet.”

“Aw man!” exclaimed the messenger, “Alright I’ll pay after I deliver this fool.”

At that the tall gatekeeper looked at the fool in question and said with a bit of a scowl, “Hello Wanderer. You’re late as usual.”

“Piss off Argos; I was too busy enjoying my vacation when a Cat-G had to come up. Which I’m guessing means you clogged up your toilet again.” said the Guardian with an evil smile.

The gatekeeper instantly snarled and growled, “I told you never to mention that incident again. You were the one who insisted I try the Buddha burrito special.”

Hermes was trying to hold back a fit of laughter as he remembered that particular incident. Almost the entire Citadel had to be evacuated and it was also when Argos found out he was allergic to black beans. The Wanderer strode past the gate keeper still smiling as he went and Hermes ran after turning back to Argos and yelling, “Later Hundred Eyed!”

Instead of turning around an eye opened in the back of the keepers head and glared back at the messenger who laughed and ran after the Wanderer. John was taking long, deliberate strides towards the Cathedral as he greeted his fellow Guardians and other citizens of the city. As he approached the doors to the Cathedral he passed a table where two people were playing chess. One was hugely obese and the other had on a robe and his hair was long and brown and he had a mustache-goatee combo.

“Hey Buddha, hey Jesus!” the Wanderer greeted them as he passed.

Jesus looked over, smiled, winked, and pointed two fingers at the guardian and said back, “Sup Long Jong!”

But while he was looking away, Buddha took his rook and knocked away Jesus’s king and cried out, “Checkmate!”

Jesus whipped his head back to see that he had lost and facepalmed as he groaned, “Aw damnit, you nailed me again.”

The Wanderer laughed as he continued up to the door and knocked three times upon the massive stone doors. They opened with a loud grinding noise and an elderly gentleman in a suit stepped out and said, “Ah, Wanderer we have been expecting you.”

He then turned to Hermes and addressed him, “Thank you Hermes, you are no longer needed here. You are dismissed.”
Hermes seemed a bit surprised at this and said back, “Um, but I kinda wanted to know what’s going on here and I thought I was bringing the Wanderer all the way to the Council?”

The butler narrowed his eyes before saying, “I said you are dismissed messenger.”

The Wanderer’s eyes turned a shade of red behind his glasses at the way the butler was speaking to his friend. He stepped up close to the old man and as he did, he suddenly grew taller; towering over the butler and looking down at him from a great height.

“The kid comes with me or I don’t go at all, kapeesh?”

The butler stammered a little as he moved back out of the shadow of the now super tall Wanderer. He composed himself and said quickly, “Of course sir. Young Hermes can certainly join us. Right this way please.”

He spun on his heels and walked/ran to the end of the hallway. The Wanderer shrank back down to his original size and followed after him. I wasn’t kidding when I said they called him Long John.

Hermes jumped up in the air with a loud “Yes!” before running after the Wanderer. He stopped by his side and said, “Thanks LJ, it is so cool when you do that.”

“Don’t mention it Hermes.” he responded.

They stopped in front of another big set of doors and the butler pulled on a rope as a bell rang from the other side. The doors then opened up and the Wanderer looked into a large circular room with a wide, raised stand in the middle and six tall chairs, three on each side of the room, where the council sat waiting. There was mighty Odin with his giant spear, the wizard Shazam, King Minos with his golden hand, the god Zeus who was playing with lightning between his fingers, the many armed Chakravartin, and Leonidas the king of the Spartans, his helmet resting on his legs.

The Wanderer cleared his throat and six pairs of eyes turned to stare at him. Shazam was the first to speak, “Wanderer, thank goodness you are here at last.”

He then floated down from his chair to greet the guardian; his long white beard trailing behind him. He landed and shook the Wanderers hand and whispered in his ear, “I swear had you not shown up just now…..well let’s say Leonidas and Minos might have caused quite the ugly scene.”

The Wanderer nodded before walking up to the pedestal and stood looking at each of the Council members as Shazam took his seat again. Zeus suddenly noticed Hermes standing awkwardly by the door and said, “Hermes? What are you doing here?”

“Uh…” was all he could say before pointing a shaking finger at John.

The Wanderer looked up at the god of lightning and said, “He is merely here to deliver me as you ordered and he has every right to know what is going on now that he has.”

Zeus sighed before saying, “If that may be he must promise not to tell anyone else. We do not want this to get out and cause a panic. Understood Hermes?”

The messenger nodded frantically and made a zipping movement across his lips. “Sure thing dad, I promise not to tell.”
But he was crossing his fingers behind his back as he said this and the Wanderer gave a small smile back at the messenger.

“Very well,” said King Minos,” this meeting can now begin. Guardian Wanderer, you are here because of a category G catastrophe that has occurred in the Ether. You are the only one capable of doing the job that we have set out for you. You must complete it in order for the catastrophe to be averted-”

“I’m sorry,” interrupted the Wanderer, “but all I’m hearing is the usual bullshit, your majesty (He said that last bit with dripping sarcasm). I just got pulled out of my vacation which I have been waiting three millenniums for because of this. I don’t want to hear anything from you. What I do want is an audience with the Master now.”

Minos looked like he was about to explode and Leonidas gripped his helmet with white knuckles but a melodious voice sounded, calming all, “Peace!”

The Wanderer turned to the source which was Chakravartin who was staring down with a kind and understanding gaze, “Wanderer, have patience please. We know you had to abandon your days of relaxation and you must forgive us for that but you must understand that we need you now, all of us do. You will have your answers soon but the Master is currently conversing with the Creator. He will see you soon I promise.”

Odin leaned forward as well, “He is right, mighty guardian. Tis a terrible thing that has befallen us and thou art the only one what can best this catastrophe.”

The Wanderer sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose and said, “Fine yeah I get it, you all need me. Even you need me Minos don’t you? But what is this catastrophe? That’s all I want to know? What is so bad about it?”

The Council members shifted uncomfortably, even Leonidas who kept grasping his sword. Shazam was the first to speak, his words barely a whisper, “Universes are being kidnapped. They have been stolen and bunched together in one place.”

“WHAT?” cried the Wanderer, “How many?! Who is doing this and why?!”

“The amount is unknown but we believe it to be close to a thousand.” Zeus answered solemnly.

“A thousand….” said the Wanderer, his mind just not wrapping around this fact.

Hermes was leaning against the wall; his face was pale and his eyes were wide with terror. No one would ever steal that many dimensions, it was unthinkable.

“Who is behind it?” asked the Wanderer.

“We do not know,” said Shazam, “The Master will give you more details when he is ready.”

“Why would someone do this…?”

Everyone turned to Hermes who had spoken and he in turn stared back, a bit embarrassed. Before anyone could answer, the doors on the opposite side of the room opened and a man in a red robe and hood with a blindfold stepped out and said in an ominous voice, “The Master will see the Wanderer now.”

The Wanderer turned to look at the blindfolded figure then at every one of the Council members and finally on Hermes. He could feel them staring at him with mixed emotions but overall he felt their fear and apprehension. Something he never felt from the Council. He knew they were casting all their hopes on him, even the ones who didn’t want to admit it.

He faced the doors to the Masters office and whispered, “Right then,” before walking into the great room and the doors closed behind with a loud boom.

He looked around the circular room which had a large bookshelf on one end and a wide set of drawers on the other with strange artifacts scattered on the top. At the other end was a great, wooden desk with a tall, empty chair and an open book. Behind that was a large window that looked out into the Ether and the multitudes of shining dimensions that floated by. He knew he wasn’t going to find the Master here so instead, he looked up at the ceiling which was high and domed but you couldn’t tell due to the immensely bright, white light that shone from above.

“Come out, come out wherever you are!” the Wanderer called up.

After a few moments, a figure appeared slowly floating down from the ceiling. He was as tall as the Wanderer and wore a suit that consisted of black pants, shoes, a white shirt and a black tie. His face and hands, however, shone white as the ceiling and you couldn’t make out any of his features save for his long, swept back hair. The Wanderer put a hand over his eyes and said, “Jeez, turn down the lights, will ya? You’re brighter than the average big bang.”

The figure chuckled and dimmed his light; making his features a little more distinguishable meaning you could just barely make out a face. It seemed to smile and said in a voice that rang with power, “It’s good to see you again, John. I’m sorry having to bring you back so early from your vacation. But I’m sure you know why you are here?”

The Wanderer nodded, “Yeah, you know when Hermes told me it was a Cat-G I thought it was probably another intergalactic civil war, or maybe a threat like the Daleks or Yuuzhan-Vong got loose again, or, Creator forbid, another time war but no, it’s someone stealing a shit-ton of dimensions and, correct me if I’m wrong, hoarding them. So by all means, please tell me: What. The. Fuck?”

The Master did not answer right away; instead he walked over to his desk and took out two wineglasses and a bottle of wine. He then poured the red liquid into both glasses and held one up to the Wanderer, “Would you like some Forbidden Fruit Wine? It’ll help calm you down.”

“Fuck yeah I would” replied the Wanderer and he took the glass and they both clinked their glasses together, “Cheers.”

They both drank a little and the Wanderer remarked, “Hmm, so that’s what that tastes like.”

The Master sat down in his chair with a sigh and said, “What you heard is true in part Wanderer; someone has been stealing dimensions but not for some weird collection. Whoever has done this has placed every single dimension in one group, in one part of the Ether…………… all over one single universe.”

The Wanderer choked on his wine and stammered out, “Say what?”

“You heard me…….every single stolen universe has been bunched over this universe and leaks have been deliberate cut in every one of them. The essences of over a thousand universes are flowing down upon this single dimension.”

“How has this universe not been torn apart by the sheer amount of all this?”

“The leaks are somehow being contained enough to not destroy it; they are small enough not to let anything through yet they are still there and prove a great threat. Plus the amount of power leaking out has caused a wall to surround the area making it almost impossible to get in.”

“Almost, sir?”

The Master nodded and stood up to stand by the window and look out into the Ether, “That is where I come in; I can use my power to create a temporary hole in the wall just enough to send you through and once you are in, you are going to go into this single universe and close the leaks.”

“Okay a few questions,” the Wanderer said, “How am I going to close over a thousand leaks by myself? And how am I supposed to find and fight them? All I have is my sword sir.”

The Master turned and approached the Wanderer, “You don’t have to close all of them; just enough to weaken the wall to the point where we can break it down and get in to help. As for finding them, they can only be found once something has gone through which the one behind this has control of at the moment but you will be more than equipped to fight whatever comes through with this….”

At that, the Master pointed a finger and white power enveloped the Wanderer who yelled in surprise but it was gone as soon as it happened and his armor plates now shone silver and white power seemed to flow around his hands before fading away.

“What did you do? This feels great.” he said as he looked himself over.

“I have given you a special gift; that being a part of my power which will allow you to manifest whatever you want from your mind to your hands and use as much as you want. Say you think of a revolver…”

The Wanderer did so and instantly two revolvers appeared in his hands, shining white and silver.

“Whoa now, look at you two pretty ladies” he said as he held the guns up and looked them over.

“As you can see, whatever you think will appear and as for weapons they will have bottomless clips, the ammo completely made of energy.”

“No shit? Awesome!” exclaimed the Wanderer.

“However there is a downside, you will be drawing from a finite pool of energy which you must be careful drawing from for if it grows empty it will start to draw from your own power and drain you. If you drain too much into one attack you will fade.” The Master said with a tone of caution.

“Aw damnit…”

“Now,” said the Master, “May I see your sword?”

The Wanderer seemed surprised but took his sword out of its scabbard and offered it hilt first to the Master saying, “Don’t cut yourself.”

The Master chuckled again before laying a hand on the flat of the blade and again there was a flash of light and when it faded the blade was bathed in a strange, ethereal glow almost seeming liquid. He handed the blade back to the Wanderer and the guardian was surprised at how light it felt now yet there was a lot of power in the blade.

“I have upgraded it to now be able to close a rift from the receiving end and send the essence back to the world it originated from. This in turn, will weaken the wall but you must be careful because it is now powerful enough to cut through anything. Even time itself.”

The Wanderer was grinning ear to ear (literally) as he sheathed his blade and looked back at the Master and said, “I would kiss you if I could see your face and it wasn’t going to be too awkward. With these new powers this job will be a breeze. Just one more question: what can you tell me about the universe I’m going to?”

“Only that there is one single, solitary planet in the entire dimension and the sun and moon orbit it and it is unlike any world you have been to before” answered the Master

“I’ll be the judge of that,” said the Wanderer as they both began walking to the doors, “But I am quite interested in this new world now.”

The doors opened and both Guardian and Master stepped into the Council Chamber. The council members all came down from their chairs and bowed to the Master. He bowed back and said, “My faithful council members, a grave threat has come to be in the Ether and the Wanderer has agreed to see to the repair of this catastrophe. I must ask you all now if you can ready your armies to help once we are able.”

Odin was the first to speak, “My armies shalt be at the ready for your command Master!”

“As will mine!” exclaimed Leonidas loudly.

“My fellow Gods and demigods will stand ready as well” Zeus said.

“I know of a few fighters I may be able to recruit but I hold no promises other than I will fight myself” said Chakravartin.

“I suppose I could spare a few of my men to this cause as long as the Wanderer holds up his end of the job” King Minos said with a smirk, which the Wanderer returned with a middle finger salute.

Shazam approached and said, “I know of many heroes that will more than be happy to help. You can count on me Master.”

He then turned and placed a hand on the shoulder of the Wanderer and whispered, “Good luck.”

The Wanderer quirked and eyebrow and said, “I don’t need luck wizard. I’m the bloody Wanderer.”

He then left the room and walked over to Hermes, putting his arm around the messenger and whispering in his ear, “I need you to gather the others and tell them everything; get them ready for immediate action. We need everyone Hermes, everyone.”

“Even me?” he asked.

“Even you” the Wanderer replied with a smile.

Hermes smiled back but gasped as the Master walked up to the both of them. He then bowed low and stammered, “Master, it is an honor.”

“Hello Hermes,” the Master said before turning to the Wanderer, “We should go now.”

The Wanderer nodded and they both walked through the long hallway together in silence before walking out into the street. They looked at each other before rocketing off into the Ether. Everyone in the city stopped and looked up as they saw the two zoom off.

A few minutes passed and so did several million dimensions as they sped through the Ether. Suddenly they came to a quick stop and as the Wanderer got his bearings he looked at where they were and gasped as he took in the catastrophe they had been discussing for the past hour. There was no way anyone could have told him it was this bad until he saw it.

Imagine a giant tree, a really, really giant tree with all of the stolen dimension being the leaves and the flow of leaked essence the trunk and instead of branching roots it all comes together in a small point which is the single dimension on the receiving end of the leaks and you have the catastrophe. Scares ya don’t it?

The Wanderer was still trying to take in the sight as the Master put in a few more instructions, “Remember your objection is to fix as many leaks as you can to weaken the wall and to help and protect the denizens of the world. Once you take out a certain number we will be able to communicate but as for now you will be in the dark once you are in.”

“Y-yea gotcha…” the Wanderer stammered, “Quick question before I go: what’s the name of the world?”

“Equestria,” the Master said as he gripped the back of the Wanderers coat.

“What kind of a name is thaAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” was all the Wanderer got out before he was suddenly dragged along by the Master who shot into the glowing wall of energy and began to drill inward. The single dimension began to get bigger and bigger as the came closer inside. He pulled the Wanderer up close and prepared to throw him in once they were close enough; the huge amount of power fighting back the Master was starting to burn him but he protected the Wanderer and continued forward.

Finally they reached a point where he could safely eject the Guardian to the other side. “Don’t be too much of a jackass!” he cried as he hurled the Wanderer out and immediately shot back out to the Ether.

“No promises!” the Wanderer shouted back as he fell towards the planet.

On the outside, the Master laughed before gripping his right arm which was burnt and the sleeve ruined.

“You better find whoever did this Wanderer,” he said, “Because they owe me a new suit.”

The Wanderer spun around to try and get a trajectory of his approach. He calculated that he would orbit the planet about eighteen times before being able to land in the most affected spot. He used his powers to view the place which was large forest near an odd looking town.

“Well,” he said, “Let’s start the big entrance. Cue theme music!”

And down on the world of Equestria, music started to sound all across the world from the sky as all the people and creatures looked up and saw a comet race across the sky. It was a strange music that signaled something big was coming down. In a small library, a purple unicorn started to experience weird reactions from her magic as books began to fly off the shelves. Unicorns all over had similar reactions to their horns.

In a bakery in the same town, pastries began to blow up in a spray of frosting and sprinkles. A pink pony licked her lips as she became covered in cake. Elsewhere, animals where running rampant around a small cottage, a cowering yellow pegasus was trying to figure out what was going on and all over the sky, the weather was going haywire as a rainbow haired pegasus raced to try to contain it all. All the while the music played and the comet raced around the world.

The Wanderer took out a cigar and lit it with the fire from his entry into the atmosphere and took a drag as he said, “Cue fireworks.”

And fireworks appeared all over the world; the ponies all stepping outside to watch. The purple unicorn stepped out to watch the spectacle in the evening light. In a castle on a mountain, two regal sisters were watching as well trying to make sense of it. The citizens were struck with awe at the sight of this what looked like a big, flashy entrance. Whatever was coming was something big and badass and they were most certainly right.

The Wanderer continued his decent finally veering sharply towards the forest he had targeted. Everyone (or everypony) watched the star fall into the trees. The Wanderer angled his impact into the ground and landed on his knees, skidding a good few meters on them before stopping with his right arm up, holding three fingers in the air.

“The Wanderer has arriiiiiiiiiiiiiived~” he sang before looking up and seeing that no one was around save for a squirrel that was looking at him with a look of pure terror before fainting out of its tree.

The Wanderers arm fell against his side and he shouted, “FUCK! ANOTHER FAILED ENTRANCE!” before falling face-first into the dirt.....

THE ECCENTRIC MISTER E PRESENTS!
HIS FIRST EVER ORIGINAL FANFIC!
STARRING THE WANDERER, THE MANE SIX, AND MANY MANY OTHERS!

OUR GUARDIAN ENIGMA

Author's Note

Thunder up folks.
It only gets even more awesome from here.
AAAWOOH!

The First Chapter: Ponies meet the badass…..badass meet the ponies. NOW KISS!

A few moments before the Wanderer arrived; Derpy Hooves was having another awesome day. She had finished all her mailmare duties early and was able to just walk around town and enjoy herself before she had to pick up her daughter from school. As she walked through the town of Ponyville she noticed two ponies she hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Vinyl! Octavia! Hey!” she called out.

The two music ponies turned to her voice and both smiled as they saw their friend.

“Hey Derpy, Long time no see.” said Vinyl as she and Octavia walked over to the mailmare.

Octavia hugged her and said, “It’s good to see you again Ditzy. How have you been?”

“Octavia, I told you to just call me Derpy. Everyone does.” the wall-eyed pony said with a smile.

Octavia laughed and said, “Oh alright then I- URK!”

She suddenly found herself and Vinyl in a mint-green bear hug and the only pony that would do that and was that color was none other than Lyra. She squeezed the two musicians as Bon Bon caught up to her panting all the way.

“Oh my gosh, Vinyl and Octavia it’s been so long!” Lyra exclaimed. The two ponies caught in her death hug could only make strange choking sounds as their lungs were beginning to be crushed.

Bon Bon tapped Lyra on the shoulder, “Lyra, honey, I think you might be choking them a little.”

Lyra suddenly saw her friends choking expressions and promptly dropped them. They lay on the ground gasping for air as
Lyra smiled sheepishly, “Sorry” she said.

Vinyl and Octavia picked themselves up off the dirt and waved away Lyra’s apology. As they finally got their wind back the girls began conversing together; but instead of just boring you with that I’m going to be counting down to you-know-what.

Ready?

10….

“So girls, what are you doing back in Ponyville?”

9….

“We just had a few days off since I don’t have any place for my orchestra to play for a while and Vinyl doesn’t have any gigs to go to.”

8….
“Yeah I suggested we come here to see friends and relax”

7….

“Plus I was kind of hoping Pinkie Pie had any parties for me to act as DJ for”

6….

“Well it’s really good to see you guys again”

5….

“How long do you think you’ll be staying?”

4….

“Not long probably, unless something big happens” (wait for it)

3….

“Blah blah blah blah blaaaaah”

2…..

“MUFFINS!”

1…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

kaboom!

The girls all stopped talking as an explosion sounded from what they thought was far up in space. Then the music began and everything started kicking off.

“Um girls? You hear that too right?” Vinyl asked as everyone (damnit everyPONY) stared up at the sky which seemed to be the source of the music.

Then a bright light appeared as a comet zoomed across the entire sky and disappeared behind the horizon. For a moment, the music seemed to get louder as it passed overhead. When the comet had passed the horizon they stared at each other wondering what that was before the earth suddenly shook hard two times like someone had hit it with a mallet. Everything was shaking and acting strange.

Derpy looked into the sky and saw thunderclouds racing around with lightning striking along with the music as pegasi raced around trying to get everything under control. Octavia noticed that Vinyl’s and Lyra’s horns were sparking erratically before a screaming firework shot from Vinyl’s horn and a roman candle erupted from Lyra who promptly started running around in a panic.

Bon Bon tried to help put it out when other unicorns started having similar reactions all over the bloody place. Imagine unicorns running everywhere yelling obscene words while various fireworks erupted from their horns. One young filly with a white coat and pink mane had a little backfire with hers which resulted in her shooting off and screaming (literally this time) through town. I’ll wait for you to stop laughing, take your time.

Good?

Alrighty then!

Bon Bon, Octavia, and Derpy were all huddled together in mass confusion at the events happening around them. Flowers and trees were swaying to the music and the very earth itself seemed to be humming to the music which resulted in a bad earthquake. All across the sky, fireworks erupted in a spectacular show of light and sound and the music reached a crescendo. “What’s going on!!” yelled Octavia.

Suddenly a voice sounded behind them, “Well it’s obvious isn’t it?”

The girls looked behind them to see Cranky Doodle staring up at the sky as the comet passed by for about the tenth time.

He then looked back at them and said in a serious voice, “We’ve got a badass incoming.”

They all looked back up as the comet once again came over the horizon only this time it swerved and came down into the Everfree forest with a great plume of earth shooting into the air. The minute the dust cleared everything just stopped, the plants and earth stood still and the weather calmed itself much to the confusion of the pegasi. The unicorns all picked themselves up and for the most part were left unscathed from the fireworks.

Derpy checked with the pegasi to see if she could help but there was nothing to be done. Bon Bon and Octavia helped Lyra and Vinyl up as Derpy landed next to them.

“Everyone okay?” she asked.

Everyone nodded and looked around at the chaos that had been brought upon the town. No one was hurt too bad thankfully but a few buildings were a bit damaged.

“What was that?” asked Vinyl.

“I don’t know,” said Derpy, “But I think we should go get Twilight and check out that star.”

Everyone agreed and they all ran towards the library.

Meanwhile…….near the edge of the Everfree forest; two fillies, one with an orange coat and a purple mane that looked like a feather and a yellow one with a bow in her red mane, were trying to dislodge their unicorn friend who had been blown through town by her horn rocket from a bush. They tugged a final time and finally pulled her out.

“Yah alright there Sweetie Bell?” asked Applebloom.

The unicorn filly shook her head and said, “Yeah, kinda dizzy though. What was that all about?”

“I don’t know but I’m pretty sure it had to do with that star that landed in the forest. I say we check it out!”

“But Scootaloo it might be something dangerous” said Sweetie Bell.

“Ah come on Sweetie, what’s tha worst that could happen?” said Applebloom as she and Scootaloo began walking into the forest.

“Oh alright” said Sweetie Bell as she ran to catch up with them. Why is it they always have to say that before running into the forest now full of portals to dangerous worlds? Just why?

Anyway, in another part of the forest we find the Wanderer just how we left him in the prologue: face first in the dirt and angry over a failed entrance. He thought about whether it had been a better idea had he just landed in that town he spotted. Now he would have to awkwardly walk there and introduce himself the normal way. He sighed into the dirt as he tried to come up with a proper introduction for himself.

His thoughts were interrupted however, by the sound of screaming followed by a rather horrendous roar. The screams sounded like children and whatever made that roar definitely wasn’t something that was supposed to be here.

“Well, job’s starting early then; time to go to work.” he said as he pushed himself off the ground. He stood up and held out his hands as they started to glow. The glow suddenly shaped itself into a Barrett 50 cal sniper rifle which is a very, very, VERY big rifle.

He hefted it up on one shoulder and took off through the forest at breakneck speeds bounding over the trees trying to find his target. It didn’t take very long at all. He saw what looked like a way overgrown bug rear up from the trees. It kind of resembled a caterpillar except it had a hug ass mouth and its skin was a bloody red. It roared and the inside of its mouth was a bright orange and the screaming followed after it.

The Wanderer stopped at the top of a tall tree with more than enough height to see what the thing was about to eat. Through the scope he saw three……..small……..

“Wait what?”

That was his reaction to the three small pony things at the feet of the bug behemoth. His guardian senses told him they were natives of this world in fact they were the dominant species. He shook himself and decided to deal with it later, taking aim at the huge bug.

I’m sure it’s pointless to tell you that the CMC were scared out of their little filly minds. Not a few feet into the forest and they literally walked right into the biggest bug they have seen in their lives. It reared its head up and roared at the sky as it got ready to devour the girls. It was then that Applebloom swore on her life if they got out of this to never ever say the words “what’s the worst that could happen” ever again. They screamed as loud as they could as the huge mouth started to come down on them……

K-POW!

They loud sound of a rifle echoed throughout the forest as the small fillies saw what looked like an explosion erupt on the creature. It roared in pain as it started to fade; its wound a bright white as the power of the energy bullet started to try and send it back. The Wanderer watched the empty shell eject and fade in midair as another bullet materialized in its place and shoved it into the chamber.

“Sweet” he said as he took aim at the glowing insides of the creature’s mouth. That seemed to be a weak spot and his guess was correct as the single shot into the mouth turned the bug into a glowing, white streak as it shot back up its portal which was right in front of the CMC. It looked like a circle of swirling purple clouds and nothing could be seen through it.

The three little ones stared at the mist in confusion and, being the curious little shi- I mean children they were, they started to approach it but stopped when a shadow fell over them again. Expecting another monster they looked up only to see a shape zoom over them and through the strange portal, slashing through it with a long sword. The portal then closed in a flash of a light and the ponies saw a ball of light shoot up into the air and out into space.

On the outside, in the Ether, the Master was watching everything with an unblinking stare and saw the light travel up the huge amass of leaks and back to whatever world it came from. “One down…” he said quietly as he continued his watch. He prayed the others would be here soon.

The CMC continued to just stare wide-eyed at the creature in front of them. It was stooping on two legs in some strange stance with its back to them, but then it rose up to its full height. It was really tall and sheathed its sword with a flourish before turning around to stare down at them with reflective glasses. The Wanderer brought a hand up and brought his glasses down a little to look at the three inhabitants of this world. The fillies gasped when they saw his eyes and their swirling, multi-colored irises.

They both stared at each other, waiting for someone to break the ice. The Wanderer was still trying to believe this world was home to a race of ponies. The three fillies stared at him and he decided he was done with the silence.

“Hey what’s up? The call me Long John. Don’t ask why, you’re too young to know.”

The sound of thumping was heard as the jaws of three fillies hit the ground. The Wanderer found this highly amusing and was expecting to hear a voice going “please insert one coin to continue” but there wasn’t one.

“Y-y-you talked!” shouted Scootaloo.

“Uh…..yeah? I’m quite fluent in talking actually, I know several languages: Spanish, French, Wookie, and swearing to name a few.”

“Swearing?”

“You don’t know what swearing is?”

“No?”

“Fuck yes, I am going to have some fun here” he thought with a rather mischievous smile.

“Um what are you?” asked Sweetie Bell.

“Ah yes the inevitable question, well that is a very good question and it is one I can’t answer in a few sentences.” He said back to her.

“Well then, WHO are you?” said Applebloom.

The Wanderer then took his hat off and bowed low, “The name is Long John the Wanderer, ace guardian and ass-kicker extraordinaire. But you can just call me Wanderer.”

He smiled and put his hat back on as the girls looked at each and back up at the Wanderer. He could see there were about a hundred questions in their eyes and braced himself for them.

“What did you say you were?” asked Scootaloo.

“A guardian which I will explain later when we have time and as for that last bit……..you know what let’s just say that what I am, is a Badass.”

“A badass?” they asked simultaneously.

“Yesiree and it is a fun job to have.”

“Could we be badasses?” they asked with wide shining eyes. This was a first for the Wanderer as he never had been asked by three little girls if they could become the highest of possible ranks EVER.

He stroked his beard and after thinking a minute said, “Well I’m sure if you tried you could be?”

It was then that all three fillies jumped in the air and screamed, “CUTIE MARK BADASSES!!!”

The Wanderer recoiled and suddenly had a feeling like that one might come back to bite him on the ass. He stared down at the three, shaking his head at them. He was either going to love it or hate it here, and what happened next didn’t really help things along.

He heard someone shouting “YAH!” and another holler of “YEEHAW!” and immediately braced for an attack by what he assumed was another invader. He spun around and took up a defensive stance in front of the three girls, intent on protecting them. He looked up to see a rainbow streak heading for his head and from the corner of his eye he saw a lasso reaching out for his neck. He grabbed the lasso out of the air and threw it at the rainbow which flew right into it. The one behind the lasso tugged and the rainbow was flung off its course and right into the dirt, barely missing the Wanderer and the fillies.

"Ow! Dangit Applejack!" the rainbow said.

The Wanderer looked over to see, to his surprise, another pony holding the rope. She looked older than the three behind him and she had an orange coat and an old Stetson on her head.

"Hehe oops..." she muttered through the rope in her teeth. He looked over to the rainbow which was actually a pony of the same size as the one called Applejack but she was a cyan Pegasus with rainbow hair. She pulled herself out of the dirt and untangled herself from the rope.

It was at that time that quite a number of ponies came out of the trees into the clearing. The Wanderer looked over them all and started to feel a little nervous. The rainbow one was staring daggers at him while Applejack got another lasso ready.

The new ones consisted of a purple unicorn whose horn was glowing brightly, a cowering yellow and pink Pegasus who hid behind a rather good looking unicorn with well-kept hair, two other unicorns: one with big glasses and the other with a mint green coat, two ponies with neither horn nor wings who seemed pretty scared of him, a Pegasus with the goofiest eyes the Wanderer had ever seen, and finally a pink pony who was looking at him strangely and he decided to keep an eye on that one.

It looked like most of them were ready to do their best to beat him to the dirt; but that wouldn't really be a good thing........for them. He raised his hands in a gesture of goodwill and took a step away from the fillies. They looked up at him with a bit of concern and he in turned looked down and winked at them.

"Who are you?" the purple one suddenly asked.

The Wanderer looked at her and then at all the others and said, "Now I know this might look a little bad but I mean you no harm."

"Like heck you don't!" yelled the rainbow one who then charged at his head again.

When everyone thought she was actually going to hit him, he vanished. A split second later, he appeared on the other side of the clearing behind the CMC. The rainbow Pegasus tried to stop but a tree did that for her.

"Watch out for that tree, George." the Wanderer said cheekily as he lit a cigar. If you didn’t get that reference you are a sad monkey.

The pegasus picked herself up and shook herself before yelling, “The name is RAINBOW DASH!”

She then made another go for the Wanderer but he just vanished at the last second again and reappeared in the spot he was before. This time it was a rock that helped stop the rather stubborn pegasus.

“You done now, scatterbrain?” the Wanderer called. A groan from the cyan pony answered his question as a no. He
chuckled but stopped when a lasso fell over him and tightened around his chest and arms. It had barely missed the tip of his cigar and the Wanderer was a little impressed by the rope work. Pissed off but impressed nonetheless.

He looked at the one whose name he remembered as Applejack who was tugging on the other end. Everypony else (ha got it this time) just watched nervously at the tug of war in front of them. The Wanderer noticed the purple one was still pointing her glowing horn at him. His gaze never left the pink one either.

“Just who in the hay do you think you are?” said Applejack. The Wanderer was surprised she was able to speak that clearly with a rope in her mouth and she had a southern accent.

“I was about to answer that when Skittles over there tried to ram me. I can explain who I am and why I am here if y’all would just take it fucking easy, alright?”

The ponies all looked at each other and the purple one spoke, “Applejack maybe we should let him speak?”

“What? But Twilight he was about to attack my sister!”

The Wanderer sighed and said, “I was PROTECTING her dumbass. She and her friends ran into a spot of trouble and I got them out. I also made sure they weren’t caught in your stupid-ass assault in case you didn’t notice”

“W-what?” the cowpony stammered.

The Wanderer then grabbed the rope and tested its strength. “Nice rope work you had there, though,” he said with a smile that made the purple one feel a little uneasy.

Applejack smiled; her features full of pride and said, “Well thanks. I am the best roper in my family-“

“Let me show you my skills.” the Wanderer interrupted before grabbing his sword and slicing the rope in one fluid movement. Then, as his arms became free, he suddenly shot his right one forward, its length extending rapidly as it grabbed Applejacks hat out of the air and came back to the Wanderer faster than the lasso.
Everyone stared with wide eyes and Applejack seemed like she was going to faint. A small whisper came from the Crusaders, “Awesome.”

He then tossed it back to the cowpony and it landed awkwardly on her head. He sheathed his sword and looked at the shocked faces of the ponies with a smile.

“Any more questions?” he asked.

No one said a word as they all looked at him with mixed looks of fear and awe. He quirked an eyebrow, “Really? That’s okay; I’ll just answer them for you since you’re all so hesitant to ask.”

He then did the same bow to them and said his familiar introduction, “You can call me the Wanderer and I am a Guardian. I’m here to protect you all and repair a certain problem your world has come down with. I can tell you more under better circumstances.”

“What problem does our world have?” asked the purple one who had a look of pure utter confusion as did everyone else.

The Wanderer was about to answer when he notice something. Actually two something’s, one being he felt another portal had been opened nearby and second…….the pink pony was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did the pink one go?” he asked.

Everyone looked where the pink pony had been moments ago and was now gone. They all looked around in confusion and they seemed nervous. Then the Wanderer felt it…….a power……a power that was fucking with the physics of the world and was defying the very nature of logic.

He felt it growing out from the tree right behind him which had a small hole in the trunk level with his head. He braced himself and waited; putting together a step by step plan in his head to deal with it. It all happened in slow motion to everyone.

He ducked down right as the pink one’s head poked out of the tree and as she said in slow motion, “HEEEEEEYYYY YYYYOOOUUU’RRREEE REEEEAAAAALLLYY TTAAAAALLLL!!” he spun on his feet and came up behind her head and grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her out of the tree all in one fluid, badass move.

“Whoa!” the pink pony exclaimed as she was yanked from the tree and left hanging in the Wanderers grasp. Everyone’s jaw dropped a little at the sight of the Wanderer actually beating one of Pinkie’s random breaks through physics. Even Pinkie Pie was in shock as she stared over at the Wanderer who stared at her with a suspicious stare.

“How did you do that?” she said.

“That’s for me to know and for you to never find out. Now how did YOU just do what only the elite of Guardians are capable of?!” he yelled into her face.

“Hey don’t yell at my friend!”

The Wanderer looked at the other ponies who were fixing him with death glares. He then turned to the pink one who only shrugged and gave him a smile that said all too clearly, “Magic?”

He just pointed two fingers at his eyes and then into her eyes before dropping her to the ground. He then turned to the source of the other disturbances which wasn’t very far from the clearing. He managed to look through the trees and see what looked like five humanoid creatures stepping out onto the forest floor. They appeared rather canine and growled as they picked up the scent of the ponies.

He turned to the ponies and said quickly, “Look I know we got off on a bad start here and I’m sorry for that but I need you all to stay here and stay hidden. I need to take care of something before we can talk some more. Enjoy the show kids.”

He then bounded into the air and over the trees as the ponies ran to wear he had been trying to get answers from him. Then they saw them, five wolfish bipedal creatures running at them full tilt with froth in their fangs and red eyes. They screamed before the wolf charge was stopped by a large white explosion.

When the dust cleared, they looked up and saw the Wanderer standing in front of them holding a weird looking tube. It was in fact a rocket launcher and he aimed at the beasts as they stared each other down.

“After you” he said and the wolves obliged as one leaped in the air and the other lunged at him from the ground. They were working together and the Wanderer knew he had to be careful. He shot a rocket at the one who lunged at him and the projectile hit it full on in the face sending it racing back up its leak. He then shot a rocket at his feet which propelled him into the air and the launcher changed into a shovel as he met the wolf in midair.

He dodged a slash and wacked the wolf over the head but it wasn’t enough as the wolf spun and bit down on the shovel trying to wretch it from his hands but the Wanderer just dissolved it and hit the wolf right in between the eyes with a steel knuckle punch. The wolf was propelled hard into the dirt and the Wanderer landed on top of it, shoving his sword into its chest. It howled as it turned into white energy and was sent back into the portal. On the other side it came rushing out and knocked over the other wolf whose face felt like it had been hit by a truck.

Back on Equestria, the Wanderer had two down and three to go. The other three werewolves were circling him trying to find a weak point. The Wanderer just sheathed his sword and materialized a sawed-off and a mace in both hands. His eyes went back and forth between the wolves as he waited for one to make a move.

One wolf stopped behind him and snarled before leaping for the back of his head but the Wanderer had expected this. He ducked and the wolf sailed over his head and another wolf took the opportunity to try and claw out his eyes as he ducked but got a mace in the face for his troubles.

“Down dumb dog” said the Wanderer as the blow to the head grounded the mutt and then sent him back home.

The wolf that had tried to take him from behind howled in rage and attacked. The Wanderer dodged all the slashes, backing up as he ducked and jumped over the clumsy slashes of the wolf. He bashed it in the side with the mace but the wolf grabbed his arm and bit down it. The Wanderer yelp in pain and shoved the butt of the shotgun into the eye of the wolf. It let go with a scream and recoiled and when it opened its eyes it was staring down the double barrels of a sawed-off.

“Bad dog”

BLAM!

The force of both barrels sent the wolf screaming up the leak and it too knocked its brothers aside like bowling pins. All that was left was one other wolf and this one looked to be a bit smarter and bigger than its unfortunate cousins.

It stared down at the Wanderer from a foot higher with red eyes and snarled its extra-large fangs. The Wanderer just smiled at the dog and said, “I’m going to have to be extra rough on you aren’t I? I can tell you’re an extra bad one. Well come on I don’t have all century!”

The alpha barked and charged the Wanderer who leveled the gun at its head. But as he shot the wolf dodged and managed to tackle the Wanderer to the ground and proceeded to slash him violently across the chest and in the face. The Wanderer kicked the dog in the tender parts and shoved it off. As the wolf howled in agony the Wanderer was busy with the scratches on his face and managed to stop the bleeding with his power.

He looked over at the dog with angry fury red in his eyes and walked over to the wolf. It saw him coming and charged again but the wanderer just took the mace and prepared to intercept.

“Heel!” he yelled as he extended his arm and jammed the mace in the wolfs gut who wasn’t expecting anything like that.

It stopped dead in its track with a whoosh and the Wanderer walked the rest of the way before slamming the mace in the back of its legs hollering, “Sit!”

The dog fell to its knees in pain and the Wanderer summoned a baseball bat and yelled, “Stay!” as he smashed the werewolf over the skull and into the dirt.

As it lay there, he then made a nine iron club out of the power and brought it down next the head of the beast. He lined up the shot carefully before stepping back and swinging it Happy Gilmore style.

“GO HOME!” he yelled as he wacked the wolf with a satisfying *whock* and the wolf was flung right into the hole and the Wanderer ran up and closed it with his sword not a split second too late.

“Hole in one motherfucker!” he cried triumphantly before turning back to his audience who hadn’t moved or said a word the entire time.

He took another cigar and stuck it in his mouth and smiled at them as the wounds healed themselves on his body.

"And that, children, is what a badass is and does." he said to the crusaders.

Then the sound of thumping was heard as the Wanderer found himself staring at several ponies with their jaws on the ground yet again.

Please insert one coin to continue.

Author's Note

Well this was fun. My first action scene ever. Hope you all liked it. Leave a comment with any criticism or just tell me what your favorite part was.
By the way, recruits are needed for the Eccentric Army so hit that follow button private and join the ranks today!
Also leave a like and favorite if you want.
See you next time.

WAKA WAKA!