"Look, puddin', there's no way I'm teaching you to cook. No way, no how."
"C'moooooooon, Applejack, pleeeeeeeee - GASP - eeeeeeeeeeeease!" Pinkie Pie begged, rolling onto her knees as Applejack began to walk away, grabbing a hold of her tail to plead more efficiently.
"You be best lettin' go of my tail, or else I'll hafta get Big Macintosh in here to step on you." Applejack grumbled, attempting to leave the kitchen, to no avail.
"B-But, but Applejack, I don't know how to make ANY of the delicious apple-things your family is named after!" Pinkie whimpered, her eyes widening to glassy, tearful circles, the promise of tears glistening wetly. "I don't know how to make any apple strudels, or apple fritters, or apple pies, or apple - roast, or apple soup, or -"
"Ain't no such thing as apple soup!" Applejack said stoutly, turning back to frown at Pinkie Pie, although there was no real heat in her words. "Apple stock, maybe, but y'can't just boil an apple and drink it!"
"But see, that's why I need you to SHOW me!" Pinkie Pie cheered up immediately, her teary eyes widening in ecstasy. "You and me, we can cook together, it'll be so funfunfun! We can pretend we have a cooking show, like the ones they have during the baking festival!"
"Now, wait a golden-delicious minute-"
"AND NOW, FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS, WELCOME TO THE PINKIE PIE AND APPLEJACK VARIETY COOKING HOUR!"
"Oh dear."
Applejack looked Pinkie Pie over more than a little dubiously, tying on her own apron before attempting to tie one onto the bouncy pink pony before her. "Hold still, Pinkie, we gotta get you suited up before we start."
"FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS, THIS IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS EXPERIMENT! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT H-gack!"
"Knock it off, Pink!" Applejack whinnied, giving her tail a little tug before she trotted over to the Apple Family pantry. A massive thing, as it had to feed not only herself, but Granny Smith, the Delicious brothers, and Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom, among others. She trotted into the expansive room, eyeing the shelves of food before selecting a few choice ingredients and returning to where Pinkie bounced in the center of the kitchen.
"What first, what first?" She danced from hoof to hoof, eyes wide with excitement.
"Okay. We're gonna make an apple pie, from Granny Smith's recipe, which means it's from scr- why are you giggling?" Applejack asked abruptly, turning back from where she'd been unloading pots and pans from their cupboards, watching as Pinkie Pie tried to contain her giggles.
"Hee hee! Well, don't you SEEEEEE?" She grinned, tail bobbing as she bounced her way over to her friend's side. "Apple! Pie! You know, like Applejack and Pinkie Pie! It's us!"
Applejack glanced down at the ingredients, then gave a small shrug, a small chuckle escaping her as she set the bowls into place. "Well, you got that right, sugar. Now, first thing we're gonna need is two cups'a flour; pass me that measuring cup!"
"Flour flour flouuuuurrrrr, pouring out the floouuuuuuuuurrrrrr~" Pinkie half-sang, bouncing from hoof to hoof as she watched Applejack carefully pour the flour into the cup.
"It's really not as excitin' as you're makin' it out to be." Applejack mumbled, glancing over to the pink pony as she hummed happily to herself.
"Sure it is! What do I do, what do I do?" She asked, for possibly the zillionth time, as she watched Applejack measure.
"Well, I gotta measure out another cup, so howabout you pour this flour into the bowl, and -"
"Pouring out the flouuuuuuuuur, so we can devoouuuuuuuuur - some pie!" Pinkie Pie sang, dramatically holding the measuring cup above her head before dipping it on the final word, dumping the cup of flour into the bowl in one sudden SCHOOMP.
"Wow, Applejack, you look like a SNOWPONY!" She chirped, happily bouncing up and down as she watched Applejack slowly come into sight through the cloud of white that now filled the kitchen. "What's next?"
"More flour." Applejack sighed, as if she were signing her own death warrant.
"Oh boy! What else rhymes with flour? Oh! I know! 'Gonna mix the flour, uh! It has got the power, yeah! To make tasty pie OH YEAH!'"
"And now we mix it. SLOWLY." Applejack mumbled, the entirety of her coat now splattered with various ingredients. Flour in her mane, gritty sugar grinding under her hooves with every step, and the distinct smell of cinnamon and vanilla coming from her left hind leg. The kitchen would need a lot of help after this; lucky for her, tonight was Big Mac's night to clean, heh.
"Slooooooooooooooooooowly we miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix the aaaaaaaaaaaaaaapple piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie ... miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix." Pinkie Pie intoned in a low, slow voice, her hooves moving the spoon in slow-motion around the bowl.
"Not that slowly!" Applejack protested with a small frown, rolling her eyes as Pinkie Pie happily returned to her enthusiastic stirring, small splatters of the mix landing on the counter wetly. Well, at least it wasn't as much mix as she'd spilled before. "Okay. Now we put in the apple slices, and pour it into the shell."
"Oh boy!" Pinkie beamed, abandoning the stirring to trot over to the bowl of sliced apples. She picked it up happily, and was about to dump it into the rest of the mix before she paused, glancing back to Applejack. "Do you wanna do this part?"
"Do - what part?"
"The pouring part." Pinkie Pie said simply, blinking up at Applejack, the bowl of apple slices still suspended over the counter in Pinkie's hooves. "You've been letting me do all the mixing and pouring, which means it must be the most fun part of baking. And I don't wanna hog all the fun parts."
Applejack blinked at Pinkie Pie, a little lost for words, before she shook her head gently. "N-Nah, you go ahead, Pinkie. I'm having fun just watching."
And surprisingly enough, she was.
"Is it done yet?" Pinkie Pie asked, staring into the oven intently, as if willing it to cook faster would make it so.
"Nah, not yet." Applejack murmured in reply, staring into the oven for a moment before she returned to her cleaning. She'd finally felt a twinge of guilt over leaving the whole mess for Macintosh, so she swept up the worst of it. Considering how, er, 'enthusiastic' Pinkie could be, it could have been a lot worse.
"How about now?"
"Not yet." Applejack repeated mildly, scrubbing at a bit of solidified sugar on the floor. Ugh, but that stuff got everywhere.
"Now?"
"Nope."
"What if I asked you, theoretically - would it be done now?"
"Pinkie, I swear, you are jumpier than a long-tailed dragon in a room of rocking-chairs."
"A long-tailed who in a room of what?"
"Oh look, it's done!" Applejack distracted her, peering into the oven before pulling it open a crack, peering inside as a wave of cinnamon-tinged, apple-licious delight rolled out of it. It smelled so good, Pinkie could hardly stand it!
"REALLY?" Pinkie Pie squealed, bouncing as Applejack nabbed the thick oven mitt, clamping it between her teeth to pull the pan out of the oven.
"Yep. Gotta let it cool before we eat it, though." Applejack warned her, setting it on the counter to cool.
"How long do we have to wait?" Pinkie Pie asked, wide eyes already locked hungrily on the pie.
"Oh, ten minutes or so, just until it won't burn our mouths." Applejack murmured patiently, rummaging in the cool closet for some ice cream.
"Applejack?"
"Yes, Pinkie?" Applejack asked, peering back out at her friend.
"I had a lot of fun today." She beamed, positively glowing with happiness. "Thanks for teaching me how to make your special apple pie."
Applejack smiled back at her, setting the carton of ice cream on the counter. "No problem, Pinkie. Thanks for helping me make it. I had a whole heap-load of fun, too."
Pinkie Pie giggled back at Applejack, then rested her cheek on one hoof, watching as Applejack started to fiddle with the ice cream carton. "Hey Applejack?"
"Yeah, Pinkie?"
"Has it been ten minutes yet?"
