A Romantic Poem Reading by Octavia

by SilverOrion

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Original Character, Octavia, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Human
Length: 6197

Octavia has agreed to appear onstage in a small theater to read a romantically poetic piece by an acclaimed author. That is, what she doesn't know is that by "Romantic Poem", the ponies who put her up to this had meant a clopfic.

(Rated for implicit sexuality, mild blood in scenes, wasted pony[I'm looking at you, Berry], and references to adult content)
Octavia, a musician of the finest prestige, has agreed to read to you, our beloved audience, a romantically poetic piece known as "The Flower of the Field" by the universally critically wonderfully unimaginably incomprehensibly absolutely magnificently acclaimed author, Wonder Wordsmith.

She will not under any circumstances be reading a clopfi-OH! I mean, ah...

I mean, we certainly did not *cough* switch out the poem with anything less than respectable. At all. Nope.

So if you are not bothered by... ah... I don't know, in-your-face innuendos, implicit humor of an intimate nature, or ponies getting pranked beyond their wildest imaginings, then you will probably love this performance (Not that any of those things will actually happen in the story... Eheheh...)

There's one rule, though. Don't tell Octavia anything about this! Not that it really matters, of course, but, y'know...

Sadistically Maniacal Author's Note: What Robin and Goodfellow don't realize though, is that their prank is about to unfold into the most epic adventure of escape from the mob ever known to pony.
(written in 2nd and 3rd person)

Published 2012-12-16 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-23 16:34:13 UTC

A Romantic Poem Reading by Octavia (The Original Fanfiction)

As you sit down in the front and center of the small audience, you take another glance around the room, seeing that it is rather small. The seats are made of red velvet, with the finest wood for the armrests and frame. The stage appears even more prestigious, with golden half-spheres lining the edge of the stage, where light would emanate from, illuminating the matching red velvet curtain in a way which is very appealing to the eyes. Marble columns stand in the corners of the room, giving the room a more rounded and upper-class appearance. In essence, the entire room spoke of the upper-class - neat, ornate, beautifully designed.

The culture of the audience complimented the five-star quality of the theater. Other upper-class colts and mares whispered amongst each other loudly enough that they could be heard, but quietly enough that everything they said is indiscernable. Besides the whispers, the room was fairly quiet.

Suddenly, an emcee trots across the stage until she is standing front and center before the audience, where a wooden stand is placed, along with some papers atop it.

The whispers fall silent. Clearing her throat, the emcee begins to speak.

"Ladies and gentlecolts, I now welcome you to our presentation of The Flower of the Field, a romantic poem read to you by none other than the musically acclaimed Octavia. We are ready to begin our reading of the poem by Wonder Wordsmith, and so without further adieu, please welcome, Octavia."

A soft clap reverberates throughout the audience as the emcee trots off of the stage. The lights in the room become dim, leaving a spotlight directed at the stand. After several moments, the curtain begins to rise, first in the center, and slowly towards each of its ends, forming a triangular shape, until it disappears in the catwalks. Octavia herself trots forward into the spotlight and takes a brief bow to the audience.

"Hello, everypony. I am pleased to be so honored as to have the privilege to read The Flower of the Field to you all, and I would like to say that you too are privileged to have the chance to hear it. It is one of my favorite pieces by Wonder Wordsmith, and I am more than happy to share it with you."

Meanwhile, backstage...

"Did you get the story?" asked the first colt.

"Yep, and this is gonna be good." replied the second colt.

The two colts snickered.

"You are the worst director in history, Goodfellow."

Goodfellow forced himself not to laugh at the other colt's remark.

"Alright, we're going to have to put duct tape over our muzzles or something, because this is going to be hilarious." replied the second colt.

"...Oh, Robin, you made sure that all of our audience members have been planted, right?"

Robin waved his hoof, "Of course! If I didn't, this would ruin Octavia's entire career! Life, even!"

"Good," Goodfellow replied.

"...Oh, Goodfellow, take out the story you switched out just to make sure we have it."

Goodfellow reached into the sack tied onto his side and procured a twenty page document, titled "The Flower of the Field."

"Here it is." Goodfellow responded.

Robin snickered, "And what clopfic did you switch it out with?"

Goodfellow smiled a mischievous smile, "Nothing I found was horrible enough, so I made my own, and titled it 'Rose Thorn'."

Robin grinned, "By the sounds of that title, I can already tell it's gonna be really, really, really horrible. Bad, and horrible."

Goodfellow looked back on the stage and noticed that Octavia was about to read after her long speech about the "poem" she thought she was going to be reading.

"Shhhh! She's starting!" Goodfellow hissed. Robin zipped his lip using his magic and shrugged, silently communicating that his lips were sealed.

Octavia took a sip of water, and began to read her illustrious, honorable, well-written poem with the character development that could only have been produced by an angel in her beloved... "poem."

You look up at Octavia intently in anticipation, as she looks back at you and the audience, and begins to read.

"...Rose Thorn? Hm, must be the name of the publisher. Oh well - onward. Ahem.

"Upon the green and lonely field, lay a colt who was in disarray,

He stared up at the sky on his own, wishing for a mare to come his way,

He longed for a partner, even for only a moment,

He longed for a mare, even for one minute,

"He let out a sigh, staring at the clouds,

How he adored those puffy white shrouds

Which floated in the air so sweetly.

If only he could share it with somepony.

"Never did he feel so alone,

So without another, so cold,

In his heart he could only moan

In response to his dreams of a lover so old.

" "Dear sky," he cried, "I wish for another,

Somepony to love as my only one,

With whom I may hover

Through the world, under the golden sun."

Meanwhile, backstage...

"Uh, Goodfellow, I'm looking at the original script for The Flower of the Field, and the story Octavia is reading sounds a lot like it."

Goodfellow gave a sly smile, "Don't worry Robin, I planned this. This way, she won't realize where the poem is actually going."

Robin processed the information Goodfellow gave him, before suddenly realizing what he meant. "Oh, I see what you did there." He replied.

"Shhhh, she's getting to the good part!" Goodfellow responded, "Hilarious change of plot in three, two, one..."

"And so the sky sent forth a Rose,

Of whom to satisfy the colt's remorse,

Lovely and gentle, a flower of the field,

She had a rose coat and mane, with gossamer white clothes.

"The colt lay eyes on the beautiful Rose,

Immediately he knew that it was she who he would have chose

Amongst all the mares of Equestria,

So light and delicate - a sightly Rose!

"So the colt went down to Rose, ask'd "What is your name?"

Rose turned with a smirk, said "siddown, stud,"

The colt sat down in bewilderment,

Name's Rose Thorn - now lay down in the... mud? I don't remember this part..."

Octavia wrinkled her nose at what she was beginning to read. "Um... Heheh... Onward, then?"

"In disorented confusion, down the colt had lay,

Rose Thorn got down as well, "Now, what is your name?"

"R-Rain?" The colt replied, "My name is Rain?" he said once more,

Rose Thorn smirked, said "Now that we're aquainted, lets...."

Octavia didn't finish. Instead, she trailed off and continued to read the "poem" on her own, her face slowly beginning to develop a rosy hue.

"One moment, please." Octavia said to the audience, before trotting towards backstage.

"Oh crap, here she comes," Robin whispered to Goodfellow.

"Just play it cool and follow my lead." replied Goodfellow.

Octavia finally arrived at backstage, exchanging glares at both colts.

"What is this story? Because it is certainly not The Flower of the Field."

"...Well, of course it's The Flower of the Field!" assured Goodfellow, "What else could it be?"

"Goodfellow, this is not just any poem - It's a clopfic!" fumed Octavia.

"Now hang on, Octavia," replied Robin, "why would you say that it's a clopfic?"

"Why?" replied Octavia, eye twitching, "Because Rose Thorn is not the mare who the colt meets - she should just be Rose! And the author never gave a name for the colt either! Not only that, but NEITHER OF THE CHARACTERS EVER ENGAGE IN INTERCOURSE DURING THE POEM!"

"Well, that's the poem," replied Goodfellow obliviously, "so if there's intercourse in it, then there's intercourse in the poem."

"Now you listen to me, Goodfellow," Octavia hissed, "I am not about to trot back out there, stand in front of approximately fifty ladies and gentlecolts of the upper class, and read pornography in poetic form!"

"But Octavia," Robin added, "You already said to the entire audience that The Flower of the Field was your favorite piece by Wonder Wordsmith and that you felt privileged to read it to them. If you back out now, it'll raise eyebrows in the upper-class community!"

This was true. Earlier in the poem reading, Octavia had indeed said that this was one of her favorite pieces by Wonder Wordsmith. Her ffaavvoorriittee.

Octavia grumbled profanities under her breath.

"You both listen to me, you couple of perverts - if this ruins my career, I will find out where you live, and I will Pillage, I repeat, Pillage, your homeland!"

"Shhhh!" Goodfellow whispered, "The audience can hear you!"

Octavia glared, then turned around, trotting back to the stand with the "poem" that she would be reading.

"We believe in you, Octavia!" Robin cheered.

"You can do it!" added Goodfellow.

You see Octavia arriving back at the stand, looking a little frazzled, before holding the pages of the "poem" in her hooves and tapping them on the stand to even them out. Looking back at the poem, she flipped through a couple pages before picking up a little ways after the "poem" had left off.

"Eh-HEM." she "ahem'ed" angrily, before continuing to read.

"Rain stared back at the sky once more, disoriented by... endorphins,

As Rose Thorn petted her hoof along Rain's lower... Ahem.

Rain gazed back at Rose Thorn - when he asked for a mare, this wasn't exactly what he meant,

Even if she really was 'heaven-sent'.

" "Are you happy now?" she asked with a slur,

As she nuzzled close to his frazzled fur.

"I guess you could say that," Rain said, unsure if it was the truth or a lie.

"Good," she said ominously, in quite a dark reply.

"Rose threw him several feet - he landed quite hard,

Hitting the ground fiercely, feeling like a shard

Of a meteorite colliding with earth.

"Get up, and... bend over," Rose Thorn said with much mirth.

"Rain tried to get up, but Rose Thorn pushed him down,

Said "Get lower and lower, 'till your face nearly touches the ground."

And Rain did so, obedient to his new... master?

Rose tied her garment into rope, and...

Octavia stopped reading once more, this time getting red in the face. Losing control, Octavia shouted out to backstage.

"I figured this was a clopfic, but YOU didn't tell me that this was FEMDOM!"

"It's not!" replied Goodfellow from backstage.

"Yeah, it's just a little BDSM." added Robin.

"BDSM, BDSM, BDS... BDS-WHAT?" Octavia yelled furiously, before knocking the stand to the side and slowly. stomping. hoof. by. hoof. towards. back. stage. with righteous fire in her eyes.

"Uh, Goodfellow, Octavia doesn't look too good," said a nervous Robin.

"I agree with you Robin," replied Goodfellow.

"Got any ideas?" Robin asked.

"Yes." Goodfellow replied.

"What are they?" Robin asked again.

"...Run."

Robin and Goodfellow immediately charge out of backstage, right past you, and into the audience, with a furious Octavia keeping pace with them.

"Excuse me, pardon me, coming through, madmare on the loose!" shouted Robin as he sifted through the audience chairs to the exit with Goodfellow following as a close second just behind him.

"WHEN I GET MY HOOVES ON YOU TWO, YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!" hollered the furious Octavia.

Robin and Goodfellow began to run through the last leg of the audience, accidentally stepping on heads, hooves, drinks, and popcorn on the way out. Octavia, however, like a raging goddess, seamlessly pushed through the crowd. When Robin and Goodfellow finally reached the theater doors, they threw it wide open and charged right through, and not long after, a cry for a "taxi" could be heard out on the street. In good time, Octavia hopped down from one of the theater chairs and blew right through the theater doors like a missile.

You see all of this play out before you, and respond in the only way that you could respond as one of the other audience members crack up from the scene which had taken place. With a sigh, you sit back in your chair.

Well that escalated quickly.

In the Hall of the Hellfire Queen

When you participated in joining that audience for a barrel-full of laughter, you'd expected that Octavia would just blow up in the most hilarious way imaginable; but what neither you nor Robin and Goodfellow knew that Octavia had connections...

When you finally get home and check your e-mail, you can see that Robin and Goodfellow had sent you a message thanking you for joining them in their hilarious shenanigan. They also go on to say that Octavia has been hunting down their sorry carcasses from the north and south of Equestria in a Class 5 Apache helicopter, and they politely ask you to lend a helping hand - erm - hoof, in getting them to safety where they can lay low until Octavia blows off some steam.

If you decide to give them cheap coffins for Christmas this year, then stop reading and leave the story how it is already. As Peter Pony once said, "To die would be an awfully big adventure." Of course, Peter Pony's parents immediately took Peter to see a psychiatrist specializing in child depression after that public statement.

But if you decide to help these two troublemakers, please keep reading. Oh? No, I'm not asking you to please keep reading - Robin and Goodfellow are. They just found out Octavia has brought her AK-47 with her.

So you're going to help them? Great!

You step outside of your house and somehow get back to Equestria where you meet Robin and Goodfellow at the Ciderworks Pub in Canterlot. It's a dim pub in a tucked-away alleyway off in the outskirts of town. By the way everything looks, you'd expect to see some criminals visiting this pub every once in a while.

That's why you weren't surprised when the bartender (her name turned out to be Sherry Berry) was telling you that just the other day, a tall, black and green pony with bug-like wings came in and drank cider upon cider in the corner, saying something about "He said he didn't love me - he said he was seeing someone else - 'cause oh no 'hic' - he'd somehow been in love with somepony else this whole time. So to get back at him, I used some magic on him to make his eyes go all WOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo. That was funny. The whole "take over Equestria" stuff was a ruse - I just wanted to see his eyes do that the whole time because of how hilarious I'd envisioned it. Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA."

Sherry Berry continued to say that not long after, some dark, reincarnate-looking unicorn with a foggy aura around him came inside and was drinking some cider himself, and saying that his insatiable addiction to rock candy was giving him such a headache from the detox, that he could barely say anything without seriously hurting himself. No kidding. He brought up that the only place in all of the world that supplied the one kind of rock candy that he was addicted to, was in the Crystal Kingdom. Not long ago, the force fields keeping him out were weakening, and his opportunity to finally bring a stop to his nasty migraine had arrived. Assaulting the kingdom, saying "crystals" over and over in a joyously maniacal manner like a zombie after brains until he had finally made it inside. Deciding (very unwisely) to use some of his misunderstood dark humor, this unicorn said "my glorious little slaves!" to the citizen's faces. In the end, he was kicked out of the crystal empire empty-handed, his headache was even worse, and he needed to use his horn in order to bring himself back again, which made his migraine, even worse.

Then there was Robin and Goodfellow, who had been caught up in the pub as well. Today, actually, since they're trotting up to you now. You already know their story.

Ohhhhh yes. You already know their story.

"There's that human again, Goodfellow." Robin said.

"Yep, and that human has decided to help us with our situation."

"Y'know Goodfellow, I'm starting to think that pranking Octavia was a bad idea."

"Why would you say that?"

"Oh, gee, I dunno Goodfellow!" responded Robin sarcastically, "It's not like I don't like being chased around Equestria by an insane pony in a Class 5 Apache helicopter with an AK-47 in her hooves or anything!"

"Psh! You only live once, Robin."

"You only die once, too..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing important..."

"Hello, I am Goodfellow, and this is my friend Robin. We're partners in mischief." Goodfellow says as both he and his partner stand side by side facing you. Now that you have a better look at them (where the last time you saw them in person, they were running for their lives), you can see that they both have evergreen-colored coats with a yellow mane. The only real difference between them was their cutie marks - Goodfellow had a laughing mask as a cutie mark, and Robin had a crying mask as a cutie mark.

"You've probably guessed it already, but we're actually twin brothers." added Robin.

"Before we get ahead of ourselves and get into a deep conversation, we need to make our plan. Before... Octavia shows up."

As Goodfellow begins to explain, you quickly learn that Octavia still does not know that the little "switcharoo" with the Flower of the Field poem and the Rose Thorn poem was actually a prank and that the audience was staged. In fact, she thinks her life has been thoroughly ruined in upper class society. Any normal pony in Equestria would have probably just headed straight for the Ciderworks Pub that you're sitting in now, but unbeknownst to you, Robin, and Goodfellow, Octavia is... well...

Octavia is not your typical "Pony".

Oh no. Apparently she has connections with the Mio Piccolo Folla mob. Nopony knows why, nopony knows how, and nopony knows when in Octavia's life had Octavia chosen to be involved in the darker corners of Equestrian history. In fact, nopony even knew the Mio Piccolo Folla was still around, since it pretty much died out after the nationwide cider endangerment.

Anyhow, after the Rose Thorn incident, Octavia had apparently snapped, and has joined forces with the Mio Piccolo Folla in attempts to hunt down, and take down, both Robin and Goodfellow. The plan? Escape to Dodge City and wait for Octavia to blow off some steam.

Pinkie Pie gets in front of your computer screen and says, "Sounding kind of like a North by Northwest parody? ...Exactly."

You each hear a violent knock at the door.

Goodfellow cuts the explanations short and begs Sherry Berry to tell him where the secret escape, that all pubs have, is. After Sherry Berry agrees to open a door to a back room for both you, Robin, and Goodfellow scramble inside and find your/themselves in a dark tunnel leading for a long way. The door closes behind all of you, and you are sucked into the darkness of the tunnel.

A mare with a grey coat, long black mane, a g-clef cutie mark, black sunglasses, a yellow jumpsuit with black stripes on it, and a katana sheathed in her belt, trots into the Ciderworks pub, eying all of the cider-ridden ponies suspiciously behind her pitch black glasses.

She walks up to Sherry Berry, while Sherry Berry looks at her, sensing an unrelenting desire for vengeance behind the yellow costume she was wearing.

"...Octavia, is that you?"

Octavia cleared her throat, and spoke in a perfect female Russian-terminator accent.

"Octavia. Octavia Von Clef."

Although it was probably a little over the top, but Octavia brought out a sawed-off shotgun that was hidden underneath her yellow jumpsuit and loaded it, the snap of the gun filling the pub with silence, pie eyes, and dropped mugs of cider, with that cider spilling all over the floor and just staining that new rug the bartender bought. Now he'd have to buy another one. Oh well.

"...So you're going to rob me?"

"No!"

"Oh, phew. You almost had me there. Would you like anything Octavia?"

"Oh, I'd like something alright..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Sooo... What... What would you like?" Sherry Berry asked after that long, awkward silence.

"I'm looking for some colts."

"...Heh, ha! Aren't we all?"

"No, you don't understand."

"I... I don't?"

"No. I'm looking for two perverted colts."

"Per... Perverted colts?... Wow Octavia, I took you for the conservative type..."

"Conserva... Wha? What are you... No... NO! I'm hunting down two perverted colts."

Sherry Berry's eyes widened a little, as she took a second glance at Octavia's yellow jumpsuit laden with various hand-held objects which would usually be considered as weapons.

"...No, it's not like that!"

"Oh, no, don't worry about it Octavia - if you don't want me to, I won't tell anypony you're into femdom."

"I'M NOT INTO FEMDOM."

"Okay."

"You believe me, right?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

"All I want is to hunt them down-"

"Uh huh."

"-and wipe them off the face of Equestria-"

"Oh yeah, yeah."

"-with no femdom involved."

"Absolutely."

"...Sherry Berry, you're listening to me, right?"

"I completely agree with you."

Octavia facehoofed.

"...Oh wait, were you talking about something else?"

"Will somepony just kill me now..." Octavia grumbled.

"You don't have to feel bad about it, Octavia... I mean, I know Rainb-"

"I don't want to hear it." Octavia declared, turning around and storming out of the pub.

After walking through that long, dark tunnel, you, Robin, and Goodfellow finally find yourselves outside; the warm, fresh air finally greets you after the damp and musty smell of the tunnel. Looking around, you notice that you're actually at the bottom of the mountain which Canterlot is built on.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a camo military pickup truck drives up to the three of you and skids to a halt. After a brief moment, the driver's door opens, and a purple mare with a messy mane sticks her head out the doorway and looks at the three of you.

"Well, are you gettin' in or do you wanna get shot dead on the - 'hic' - ground?"

Figuring getting on the truck was probably the best idea, the three of you hop on the back of the pickup truck. Not long after, the driver spun the truck around in doughnuts before actually getting the truck to at least skid into driving in a straight line.

"So, who's the driver?" Goodfellow asks Robin.

"I dunno, I just called the 'need-a-professional-getaway-because-my-X-is-after-me' hotline."

"Name's 'erry Punch! I'll be taki' yo to doj city fro' 'ere!"

"...Did she say her name was Berry Punch?" Goodfellow asked.

"I thought she said Sherry..."

"No, you retard! Sherry was back up at the pub!"

"Well how am I supposed to know if there isn't more than one Sherry in Equestri-"

Suddenly, the truck hits a large bump, sending everyone flying into the air precariously before falling back down onto the truck.

"Sssorry! I'll try not ta do tha' agan!"

Robin and Goodfellow exchanged glances, as you continue to worry about the idea of the driver possibly being non-sober.

"Does she even have a driver's license?" Goodfellow asked again.

"I told you - I just called the hotline and they said they'd send somepony over. They didn't tell me anything about the driver!"

"Well I don't feel like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, by escaping Octavia via the back of a pickup truck being driven by a DRUNKEN DRIVER."

"Fine! I'll just tell her we're happy, ask her to drop us off, and call someone else from the 'need-a-professional-getaway-because-my-X-is-after-me' hotline, and make sure that the NEXT pony actually has a license!"

"I don't think we'll be doing that, guys..." you protest, pointing up at the sky.

Robin and Goodfellow look up at where you're pointing quizzically, before their eyes go wide, and their ears droop.

Flying high in the sky behind all of you is a Class 5, Apache, Helicopter And guess who's hanging out the passenger door with her AK-47.

Goodfellow gaped, then screamed "OH GOOD MOTHER OF CELESTIA PRINCESS LUNA DEATH BY CADENCE BEAMS!!! FLOOR IT BERRY!"

"Not a - 'hic' - problem, gaiz!" Berry slurred, flooring the truck and bringing it up to the fastest speed it could go - but only on the gear 1.

"YOU PERVERTED COLTS ARE GONNA BE DAMNED SORRY WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU TWO!" shouted Octavia over the deafening chop of the helicopter propellers.

"Gah! She's gaining on us Goodfellow!" Robin cried.

"Berry! What gear is this truck on!" Goodfellow shouted.

"What? You want to put some lipstick on?"

"No! I want to know what gear this truck is on!"

"You want me to put some meuzic on!"

"No, I don't wa-"

"Okay!" Berry shouted, before slipping a cd into a boombox, which soon started playing Yakety Sax at full volume.

"YOU CAN'T DROWN ME OUT WITH YOUR DAMNED MUSIC, YOU PERVERTS!" shouted Octavia again, now loading her AK-47 with a loud snap.

"BERRY! JUST PUT THE TRUCK INTO HIGH GEAR!" shouted Robin.

"Wats tha'? Ya wan me to drive to the rear?"

BLAM BLAM BLAM

"SHE'S SHOOTIN' AT US, ROBIN!"

"Don't worry! She's probably just trying to scare our pants of-"

BLAM

"-GAH!" shouted Robin, as he grazed his hoof over his forehead, feeling that Octavia just drew blood from his scalp with a bullet, "She shot me... SHE FRICKIN' SHOT ME!"

"DANG THAT MARE'S SERIOUS!" cried Goodfellow, "BERRY! TAKE. THIS. TRUCK. TO. TOP. SPEED!"

"Ohhhh, ya want me to go - 'hic' - faster?"

"YES! WE. WANT. YOU. TO. GO. FASTER!"

"Are you sssure? I don't think I should really be driving right now anywa-"

"WE KNOW THAT BERRY AND WE DON'T CARE JUST DRIVE!"

Berry floored it, and the truck slowly but surely began to put some distance between each of you and the helicopter.

BLAM BLAM

The two shots fired and barely missed, making plink sounds as they bounced off the truck's exterior. You can see Octavia changing from the clip she has in her AK-47 to a different kind of clip, before she shouts down at Robin and Goodfellow again.

"THAT'S IT! I'M CHANGING FROM BURST TO RAPID FIRE NOW! WHY DON'T YOU CHEW ON SOME OF THIS METAL, BITCH!"

The gun began to spray bullets something fierce right down from the Apache to the truck, making a constant plinking noise with each miss. After thanking heaven above that rapid fire is less accurate than burst fire, you notice that the helicopter is slowly beginning to lose ground, as Berry Punch is just now bringing the truck to as fast as it could travel.

"We're losing her, Goodfellow! We're losing her! We're gonna live!"

"NOT TODAY YOU PERVERTS!"

Octavia shouted some indiscernible comments to the pilot of the Apache, before turning to look back at you all with a wicked grin on her face. Suddenly, two rocket launchers fold out from the sides of the Apache, and smoke dribbles out from behind them. Then, the Apache begins to hack at the air faster than before, and is now catching up with you all again.

"TASTE MY MISSILES, MOTHERBUCKERS!"

Both Robin and Goodfellow's eyes go wide, their jaws drop, and just as you are about to reconsider whether or not you really do like Octavia after all, a sudden crash from the front of the truck sends you all flying down towards the surface of the truck beneath you. Leaves and branches begin to shower down at you as the truck suddenly tilts, nose downward, and then crashes upside-down in the mud.

You hear the chopper fly past uncontrollably, as well as a resounding DAMMIT echoing from whence it flew. After some peaceful moments lying tired on the ground, you look around. Everyone looks fine, just dizzy and worn out. All around you are exotic looking trees. Then you realize something. You're in the Everfree forest.

Although that was one mighty crash since that truck you were riding in had been clocking at 120 mph, so you're a good way away from the open plains you'd been riding on a moment ago.

Feeling thoroughly tired, you all agree to just relax where you are, before you try to continue your trek for safety at Dodge City.

You Must Go On: it is Your Destiny...

(An Appropriate Tune of Music)

It finally gets dark, so you, Robin, and Goodfellow are all carrying torches as you all continue to tread through the Everfree forest, with Berry Punch taking the lead.

You probably had no idea that an entire adventure would unfold from just one silly prank, but don't worry, because neither Robin or Goodfellow had seen this coming. As far as they were concerned, the possible connections between playing a practical joke on Octavia and being chased by an Apache helicopter were zero. Nevertheless, here you all are, hiking through one of the most dangerous forests in all of Equestria, with your only guide being Berry Punch - somepony who you all feel is less than trustworthy in pointing you all in the right direction as of now.

If you took out your phone to check the time, you'd see that it was about 11:08. You wouldn't be surprised either, because you're all starting to feel tired.Very tired. As in, hiking long into the night and you're feeling both exhausted and tired enough to "hit the hay" as it were.

Berry Punch suddenly stops trotting forward and looks around. She looks a little confused; then, she looks a little worried.

"Hey Berry, is something wrong?" Robin asked.

"Uhh... I just need to think for a minute..." she replied. "Oh, and, we're NOT lost! Just, you know, putting that out there."

"Wait, what do you mean 'we're not lost'?" Goodfellow responded.

"Well, I mean that if I can think for just a sec, then I'll know where to go next. I think."

She continued to look around, trying to get her bearings, but she was clearly not getting any closer to knowing exactly where she was. At all.

Well, now you can all decide whether or not a nicer death would be to starve in the Everfree, or to have been nailed by a couple of missiles from an Apache. Besides, being trapped in the Everfree, you've got all the time in the world.

Interrupting your thoughts is the sound of some rustling leaves coming from behind you. Everyone looks, and sees a dark green pony wearing a safari hat climbing out of a bush.

"The name's Treeberry." she said, "I was sent by the 'need-a-professional-getaway-because-my-X-is-after-me' hotline. I heard you were all trapped in the Everfree so I was given the job of taking you all to Zecora's hut for a quick detour and briefing."

"Briefing?" Robin responded, "What are be being briefed for?"

"No time to explain." Treeberry replied, "just follow me."

Since there was nothing else to do, considering that Berry Punch was apparently lost anyways, everyone decides to follow Treeberry. Treeberry begins taking the lead by trotting through some trees, vines, and quagmires, until she brings you all to a large tree with candle lights flickering from the inside.

"Alright." she stated finally, "here is your destination. You'll have to go inside and talk to Zecora about what you'll need to do next." Treeberry turned to face Berry Punch. "Can you take it from here?"

"Sure, Treeberry." Berry Punch said smoothly. Treeberry decided that response sounded legit, so she left you all with Berry Punch once again as a leader.

"Well, I guess we just go inside then." Goodfellow said. He looks at the rest of you. "Is that what you're all thinking?"

"Pretty much." Robin replied.

So you all walk towards the hut and come to the door. After knocking a couple times, a voice replies:

"Come in, come in,

I don't want to keep out

any friendly kin."

Shrugging, Robin opens the door and trots in first, along with the rest of you entering behind him. Once inside, you can see tiki masks of sorts decorating the walls, and a large pot in the middle of the room. In no time at all, Zecora trots in from a back room and smiles at you all warmly.

"Can you all sit around the pot, if you please,

And rest your hooves on a cushion to put yourselves at ease." Zecora says.

And so you all do just that, grabbing a cushion and sitting on the floor, and feeling much better to be sitting down rather than hiking through the forest.

"So, Zecora... Why are we here, and what kind of "briefing" are you giving us?"

Zecora laughed briefly before replying, "Briefing is more of a vague term, hiding under the ground like a worm. Giving you an explanation, would be a much better word for this situation."

"Alright," responded Goodfellow, "what explanation do you have then?"

"You are both the colts who played the prank on the minstrel - now you are the two colts who must run and hide from her missiles. But you see, this event is not as chance as you think - for all of Equestria's future is now on the brink. For this is all destined to be, young heroes - you must run to Dodge Junction to save Equestria, mischievous fellows."

"Wait, wait... wait." interrupted Robin, "you're telling us that running to get to Dodge Junction in order to lay low from Octavia is our destiny, and that the fate of all of Equestria is resting on our shoulders?"

"That is correct, my friend - for if you fail, it will be the end."

"...That doesn't make any sense!" responded Goodfellow, "we just played a stupid prank on Octavia, and now the fate of Equestria rests on our shoulders? In fact, how does this have anything to do with Equestria's future?"

"If you sit and you listen, I will explain - you see, if Octavia catches you, she will send nuclear fallout rain."

"...WHAT!??!" both Robin and Goodfellow gasp.

"You see, if you are safely in Dodge Junction with nowhere to go, she would not dare to send those missiles, and so, by running to Dodge Junction to safely hide, in the barrels of their cannons those missiles must reside."

"But what does that have to do with this being our destiny? How does this make us heroes if we caused this in the first place?"

"Well..." Zecora replied, "It is a long explanation, and it, I cannot hide - but you would not believe it, even if you tried."

"Try me." Robin responded.

"...Alright." Zecora replied, before she gave her explanation.

"Eons ago, in the depths of space,

A battle clashed in a robot pirate alien race.

They fought to decide who would win, but no one did,

So they decided to annihilate a planet instead.

It was meant to be a bonding experience between the two,

But of all the planets they chose the one with Equestria, which would have been very bad for you.

But fate does not give up planets easily,

Nor does she allow them to be ruined too breezily,

Because fate loves her planet collection

And she would tear her hair out if one was destroyed by dessimation.

And so to protect her precious hoard,

She decided to bring two colts a sword

And this sword, a sword of mischief,

Was meant to test the unstable handkerchief.

The handkerchief, as legend has foretold,

Is the moving hand of the space pirate aliens of old.

And it is your destiny as those two colts with the sword,

To protect fate's beloved and cherished planet hoard,

by running to Dodge Junction in good time,

To prevent Octavia from causing a natural crime,

And to put a stop to the robot pirate alien race

By shoving a prank right in their face."

*cricket cricket*

"Wait. What?" Goodfellow replied.

Zecora's eyes went half lidded. "Robot pirate aliens are trying to destroy the world by getting Octavia to destroy all of Equestria with nuclear missiles, and it is your destiny to protect it because the world we live in is a part of Fate's precious planet collection and she would have a heart attack if she lost any of her planets." she said flatly.

"Oh. Wait, WHAT?" Robin responded.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Goodfellow added.

"That is your fate,

How ridiculous it is, I do not discriminate." Zecora replied simply.

"But... But..." Robin stuttered, trying to find the right words to respond to this 'destiny'.

Pointing out the door inspirationally Zecora continued to speak:

"Now, go and fulfill your destiny, young heroes, by going to Dodge Junction!

To fulfill your destiny, so that Fate's planet collection may still function!"