Where Do Babies Come From?

by blitzblazer97

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life
Length: 3964

The Cutie Mark Crusaders go on a quest for forbidden knowledge.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have a classic question. Where do babies come from? Who do they ask? Why the Mane Six of course! But will the Twilight and her friends be able to overcome their embarrassment and answer the question? Rated teen for brief mentions of sexual content but nothing graphic.

Published 2012-12-16 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-16 01:50:01 UTC

Birds and Bees

"Ms. Cherrilee?" Apple Bloom said as her most of her classmates left the schoolhouse eager to get home. "Yes Apple Bloom?" Cherrilee looked up from the papers she was grading to see not only Apple Bloom, but Sweete Belle and Scootaloo as well. "Where do babies come from?" Apple Bloom asked clearly.
Cherrilee put on her best Fluttershy impression as her face glowed a shade of red deeper that her fur, and a "Um..." came from her mouth. "Well?" Scootaloo said. "Diamond Tiara said that her Dad was going to tell her after school today and we want to find out first." Cherrilee would have said something about her lack of surprise, but she was busy finding words, or better yet, an excuse for the trio of fillies.
"D-darn I don't think I know." The foals looked at each other. "Why not? You're a teacher right? Aren't you supposed to know?" Sweetie Belle piped up.
"Y-yes but... I'm too busy grading papers to focus right now. You don't want me giving you F's on accident do you?" The three foals exchanged suspicious glances. Cherrilee felt as if she was sweating out a river. "W-why don't you ask your families?"
The crusaders' mood quickly changed. "OK!" They exclaimed in unison before grabbing their packed saddlebags and darting out the door. Cherrilee let a sigh of relief escape her chest. She dodged a bullet there but couldn't help but wonder; Did she just send one towards the Crusaders unsuspecting families and their friends? "May Celestia have mercy on their souls."

***

A loud thunk echoed off the trees of the orchard. Apples fell from a tree and landed in baskets at the plant's base. Applejack grinned at her work. Big Macintosh lifted the baskets on to his back and walked towards a nearby wagon. "Big Sis!"
Applejack heard a voice and the voice's source soon followed. "Howdy Apple Bloom. How was school?" Applejack asked as she nodded a greeting to her sister's friends. "Fine." Apple Bloom said, chipper as usual.
Applejack smiled and turned and walked towards another tree. She turned around, ready to deliver a powerful buck. "Where do babies come from?" Applejack missed her mark and kicked over the basket next to the tree. "E-excuse me?" Applejack asked, hoping she misheard her sister.
"Where do babies come from?" The yellow filly repeated. Applejack looked at her brother with pleading eyes. "Nope." The country mare sighed. "Ah'll tell ya when ya're older."
Apple Bloom looked confused. "Why not now?"
"Because ya're to young to know that now."
"How old do I have to be?"
"Older."
"But-"
"No buts." Apple Bloom sighed. "Fine." The trio walked away dejectedly. "Now who do we ask?" Sweetie Belle inquired.
A moment of silence filled the air as the group thought. "Hey, Ah think Fluttershy helped a lion have a baby once. She should know." "Yeah lets go ask Fluttershy!"

***

The sounds of animals filled the air as Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, standing in front of the front door to Fluttershy's cottage, knocked on the door. The door opened enough for a teal eye to see the young crusaders. "Oh, hello girls." Fluttershy said as she opened the door all the way. "Do you need anything?"
"We have a question we need you to answer." Scootaloo said to the older pegasus. "Where do babies come from?" Fluttershy's face was blank for a moment before her eyes quickly widened, and her face turned from yellow to a deep crimson. Her only response was a squeak.
Sweetie Belle quickly broke the silence. "You helped lots of animals have their babies before so you must know where they come from." "Um... Well... T-there are birds and there are bees..." Fluttershy's voice soon became a quiet mumble. Scootaloo felt a tug on her tail. She looked back to see the white rabbit Angel standing behind the group making gestures with his paws.
"Hey I think he's trying to tell us something." Scootaloo exclaimed. Angel looked like he was making a circle with one paw and putting a "finger" through it with the other. Scootaloo was confused. "What does that mean Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy gasped. "Angel! Don't teach them that!" Fluttershy quickly picked up the rabbit by the scruff of his neck. "I'm surry girls but I cant teaf you about tat yet. Goodbye." Fluttershy said through a mouthful of fur before closing the door.
"Aw, now what?" Scootaloo said disappointined. "What about my sister?" Sweetie Belle suggested. "She reads a books where couples start families."
"That sounds like a great idea!" Apple Bloom said as they got back onto Scootaloo's scooter.

***

"But Silver Lining, I thought you loved me!" Golden Heart shouted to her soul mate. The pegasus looked over his shoulder as he stood in the door way. "I always have Golden." The gold unicorn shouted her response, "Then prove it!"
Silver Lining stood for a moment, then sprinted towards Golden Heart, meeting her beautiful lips with his. Golden Heart was startled and confused, but did not reject the kiss. Silver Lining brushed his left wing against his lover's flank, while his right wing gently stroked her-
"Rarity we have a question." Rarity let out a "Eep!' and dropped her book to the ground. "What cha' reading?" Sweetie Belle asked.
She looked at the paperback book. It had a picture of a golden unicorn mare clinging to a silver pegasus stallion. Above was the title: "Just Wing It" by Luscious Lips. Sweetie Belle looked through the book only to have it taken by her older sister. "This book isn't for you." Rarity said with a thin blush on her face.
The proper mare soon regained composure and asked her younger sister, "Is that what you came barging into my room for? To ask what I was reading?"
"No." Sweetie Belle responded. "We wanted to know where babies come from." Rarity's blush returned. "Easy Rarity you prepared for this." She mumbled to herself.
With an "Ahem" Rarity cleared her throat and wove her tale. "When a stallion loves a mare very much he starts to flirt with her." Rarity began. The crusaders gathered around the mare to hear the answer to their plight. "And if the mare returns the flirtations they may go on a first date.
If they enjoy each others companies more dates may soon follow." Rarity seemed to be enjoying nostalgic memories. "After a few months of dating the mare may ask to move in with the stallion." The look in her eyes changed. "Then the mare may find that stallion kissing a mare she knew from school."
"Rarity what does this have to do with-" Sweetie Belle's inquiry was interrupted by a long winded rant. "And then that mare will run away and hide in her room for three weeks! She wont be able to date another stallion for a whole year because of what he did to her!"
"Rarity, are you going to-"
"He insisted that it was not what it seemed but I knew better!" "Why don't we ask somepony else?" Sweetie Belle shouted over her sister's rant. The others nodded in agreement and walked out the door. "And what did that alcoholic Berry Punch have that I didn't huh?"
Rarity stopped when she realized she was talking to air. "Well, at least I don't have to give them 'the talk'". She turned backed to her book. With a longing sigh she said "Oh Silver Lining, why cant all stallions be like you?

***

Wind blew back in Apple Bloom's red mane. She, along with Sweetie Belle, rode in a red wagon attached to Scootaloo's scooter. Scootaloo's wings flapped quickly as she rode her wagon through the streets of Ponyville taking care not to hit anything or anyone. How can she use her wings to move a scooter this fast, but cant fly? Apple Bloom thought to herself.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound and feeling of her growling stomach. "Scootaloo can you we stop to get something to eat?" Apple Bloom shouted over the whoosh of wind and the buzzing of tiny wings. Scootaloo stopped moving her wings and put one hind hoof on the ground. The scooter and wagon slowed to halt.
"It's a good thing you told me when you did. We're right next to Sugarcube Corner." Scootaloo pointed to the nearby bakery. "Ah have eleven bits on me right now." Apple Bloom took off her bow and pulled eleven bits out of a pocket in it's back.
"Wow that's cool!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed. "I should ask rarity to make me one of those."
"Applejack has one in her hat too. And Big Mac Has a few in his harness." Apple Bloom stated. "Does Granny Smith have one?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Kinda. She keeps things in her dentures."
"That's disgusting!" The white filly exclaimed. Apple Bloom giggled as she and her friends walked into the bakery, the smell of freshly baked sweets greeting them. "Hi girls!" A hyper blur of pink dashed from it's spot, under a table cleaning it, to behind the counter.
"Hi pinkie!" The crusaders responded. Apple Bloom looked at the assortment of baked goods before her. Cookies, cupcakes, eclairs, donuts, and more sat in a glass case. "Can Ah have three cupcakes?"
"I want a cookie instead."
"Oh two cupcakes and a cookie for Scootaloo."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie Pie said with her normal pep. The pink party pony grabbed a tray and put two cupcakes, one with yellow frosting and the other with white, and a large chocolate chip cookie on it and put it on the register. "That will be two bits and fifty cents please." Apple Bloom put three bits on the counter, and Pinkie put them in the register.
"Ya can keep the change." Apple Bloom said as she took her cupcake. "Thanks! Hey do you girls want to try out a recipe I invented? I put icing in jalapenos and put them in a sandwich. I call it the Supremely Succulent Super Spicy Sweet Sourdough Submarine Sandwich. Or the Sssssss!" Pinkie Pie said. Before Apple Bloom could respond she yelped as she felt a sharp pain in her tail. She almost dropped her cupcake but quickly grabbed it in her mouth before it could hit the floor.
"Pumpkin we don't bite friends!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Apple Bloom turned to see a baby pony chomping down on her tail. Pinkie lifted up the orange unicorn with her nose and slid her off her head and onto her back, Pumpkin laughing all the way. "I'm sorry Apple Bloom. She must have thought your tail tasted good. Hmm I wonder what it really tastes like. Maybe apples? Mine tastes like cotton candy."
Apple Bloom was used to Pinkie's shenanigans by now, but a few questions still formed in her mind. The mischievous baby reminded her of a more important question however. "Oh yeah! Pinkie, where do babies come from?" Pinkie stared at her like she asked who raises the sun.
"Duh! Everypony knows that!" Apple Bloom was taken aback. "We don't." Pinkie rolled her eyes. "The stork gives them to their parents silly"
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes and turned to her friends, who had the same look on their faces. "We're not six years-old Pinkie. We know storks don't do that." Scootaloo said bluntly. "Yeah they do." Pinkie Pie said.
Scootaloo continued the argument. "No they don't."
"Yes they do! I asked Mrs. Cake where Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake came from when she was in the hospital and she said the stork gave them to her." Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She might as well be arguing with a rock.
The three fillies sat at a table as Pinkie went back to cleaning hers after giving Pumpkin a rubber chicken to chew on. "Welp Pinke shure dossnt know. Now who do we afk?" Apple Bloom said with a mouthful of cupcake, spiting crumbs on the table and earning a "Ew!" from Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo, after finishing her cookie in two bites, gave her an answer.
"Only the coolest, bravest, fastest pony in Equestria!"

***

"Oh yeah. Who's the coolest, bravest, fastest pony in Equestria? Me." Rainbow Dash admired her reflection in the mirror while she flexed. "The only reason why i'm not in the woderbolts yet is because-" Tap. Rainbow was cut short by a strange sound. "Hm?" She looked around her room trying to find the source of the sound. Tap. There it was again. Rainbow heard the sound near the widow. The pegasus opened the window. Thunk. Something hard hit Rainbow between the eyes. "Ow!" she shouted rubbing the newly formed bruise.
She looked at the ground to see a flat stone at her hooves. She looked out the window, ready to dodge any flying rocks, to see three familiar faces down below. "You hit Rainbow dash!" "You told me where to throw the rocks!" "Hey girls, Ah think she sees us." Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom looked up at the floating house. "Hi Rainbow!" Scootaloo shouted to her role model. "Which one of you hit me with a rock?" An angry Rainbow Dash shouted at the fillies below. "She did it!" Each one shouted.
Though Scootaloo pointed at Sweetie Belle, her target and Apple Bloom both pointed at her. Rainbow Dash sighed and leaped out her window. Her wings flapped to slow her fall, and she landed gracefully in front of the children. "What do you want?" Rainbow asked, a little peeved. Scootaloo looked down at the ground. "Sorry." Rainbow's scowl disappeared. "Aw don't sweat it squirt. I can just tell everypony I earned it in a training accident." The technicolored pegeasus scuffed up Scootaloo's mane making her frown vanish.
"Now what did you want me for?" Scootaloo responded with the enigma that has been plaguing her and her friends all day. "Where do babies come from?" Rainbow looked down at Scootaloo with surprise then then a excited smile. "I'll tell you guys the same way my mom told me. I think I still have those magazines in my drawer." Rainbow dash flew back up to her house, landing on the balcony, and running through the door. "Yes! We finally get to find out!" Scootaloo exclaimed, hoof pumping. "Find out what?" Scootaloo looked up at the new voice.
It was Twilight. "Rainbow Dash is going to show us a magazine telling us where babies come from!" Scootaloo exclaimed. Twilight's eyes widened. "You three should not be taught that way!" Scootaloo was surprised at Twilight's reaction. "Follow me to the library. I'll start a sex-ed class in the library to teach you the right way." Twilight walked past the three fillies, who shrugged their shoulders and followed.

***

"Spike I'm home!" Twilight exclaimed as she walked through the front door to the library, three chipper fillies in tow. "We finally get to know!" An ecstatic Sweetie Belle said, practically bouncing. "I'll get the models ready." Twilight walked through a door that led to the basement as a purple dragon walked down from the floor above. "Hi Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle." "Hi Spike." The group said. Spike looked at the doorway, his boss going through. "Why does Twilight need models?" Spike asked.
"She's gonna tell us where babies come from!" Sweetie Belle almost shouted trying to contain her excitement. Spike however seemed to be the exact opposite. "What? Why would you want to know that?" Spike suddenly exclaimed. Sweetie Belle blinked at the dragons sudden mood swing. Spike grabbed her shoulders and stared intently at her."You do not want to know how a baby is formed. Twilight already gave me 'The Talk'. It was horrible." Spike stated. "Spike can you draw some diagrams for me?" Twilight voice came from downstairs.
"No! not again!" Spike ran upstairs shouting. The crusaders just looked at each other all wondering what just happened. Before any of them could voice their concerns, Twilight came up from the basement. "Spike? Oh well, I probably don't need diagrams of that part of the body anyways." Twilight said. "I'm done by the way. Come downstairs." The lavender mare led the way down into the basement. The basement was usually the only place in the library that was cluttered normally, but now was an exception.
The classroom turned cellar was neat and organized. Three desks stood in front of a chalkboard, and a lantern hung from a hook on the wall, illuminating the room. Twilight stopped near the chalkboard. "Have a seat." She gestured towards the three seats in front of her. As the three fillies took their seats Twilight, using her magic to lift a piece of chalk, drew a shape on the chalkboard. "Can anypony tell me what this is?" Scootaloo was the first to speak up. "I've seen some older colts draw some of those on the sides of buildings."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Remind me to talk to the Mayor about vandalism later" She mumbled to herself. "I think I saw one of those in my sister's drawer once." Sweetie Belle said. Twilight blushed. "And to Rarity about hiding her things better." Twilight cleared her throat. "This is an important part of the male anatomy. This is called a pen-"
"Hold it!" Twilight looked up at the stairway. "Spike what are you doing?" The fillies turned around in their seats to see the baby dragon running towards the chalkboard. He picked up the eraser and pulled it over the drawing.
"what are you doing?" Twilight shouted. "I'm not letting you take their innocence Twilight!" Spike stated with mock authority. "Spike I know you didn't enjoy our 'Talk' about why you cant have kids with Rarity, but they cant be kept in the dark forever." Twilight said while redrawing the image. Spike blushed fiercely. "T-this has nothing to do with that." He said trying to clear his voice, erasing the picture twilight just drew. Twilight redrew the picture again, drawing slightly faster this time. "If they never learn they'll be so confused later on in life."
Spike erased the drawing quickly sending chalk dust into the air, making the fillies choke. "Can we just-"
"One sec Sweetie." Spike interrupted the unicorn. "They'll figure it out on their own." Twilight made another drawing, cruder than the last ones. "What about-"
"Can this wait Scootaloo? Then they'll be made fun of when they don't know what a 'Wing boner' is like I was." Twilight started to raise her voice. "Ah think-"
"Hold on!" The purple pair shouted at Apple Bloom, who shrank back in her seat. Spike erased the drawing only to have Twilight draw three more, which spike also erased. This process continued until the room was filled with chalk dust and raised voices. "That's it!" A green light cleared the fog of chalk dust as a stream of fire ignited the chalkboard turning it into smoke. "No!" Twilight cried. Her eyes quickly filled with anger. "SPIKE!" She shouted turning on the baby dragon, who was wiping his claws against each other, a smug grin on his face. "Cant teach 'em now Twilight."
Twilight turned to the young ponies, who were still coughing from smoke and dust. "I'm sorry girls but we'll have to continue this lesson some other time. Right now I need to punish a certain dragon." "Aw." was the crusaders response. "Don't worry, I'll teach you tomorrow. Now can you please leave? I don't want you giving Spike any sympathy." The foals turned and walked up the stairs of the smokey basement.

***

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo walked out of the library turned tree to the last light of day. "Well girls Ah guess we wont know until were older." Apple Bloom said somberly. "I cant believe we wasted a whole day of crusading." Scootloo said. Sweetie Belle sighed. She noticed two small forms, one pink and one silver, and she sighed louder. "Look out, we got trouble." she warned her fellow crusaders. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo rolled their eyes when they saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, but something was off about the former.
Tiara was wide-eyed with a horrified look on her face, and appeared to be quivering. "Come on Tiara, tell me." Diamond's partner in crime pouted. "N-never again." The mortified pony said, her rumored to be fake tiara chattered as it moved on her shivering head. "What's wrong?" Sweetie Belle asked, unable to stifle a giggle at the groups terrified nemesis. "Ever since Diamond Tiara's dad told her where babies came from she has been like this." Spoon explained. Gears turned in the crusader's minds. There had been so many similar things happening on their misadventure. Their friend's and family's flustered reactions to their question, Spike's mysterious panic when they told him their plan, and now Diamond Tiara's horror to the very inquiry that had confounded them all day.
As the two bullies trotted away, Silver Spoon still trying to get an answer out of her friend, a thought occurred to the triad. What if they don't want to know? "Um girls? Ah've been thinking." "What if theirs a reason nopony want's us to know where babies come from?" Scootaloo finished Applebloom sentence. "Yeah." The sound of the library door opening got their attention. They turned and saw Twilight standing in the doorway. "Good news! I found a new chalkboard in the basement and I made Spike promise to not disturb our class. Come on I need to tell you about using protection" The purple mare said happily.
The young group turned to each other, their faces mirroring their thoughts. "Actually Twilight we kinda think this is for ponies a little older than us." Scootaloo said. Twilight looked surprised for a second then smiled. "That's very mature of you three." The crusader were taken aback by this. "It is?" Sweetie Belle squeaked. Twilight nodded "Yes. You think that you are to young to learn something and, instead of rushing into it, you want to wait until you are younger and will understand it better. I think this will make for a great letter to the princess. Only if you are willing to write it." The crusaders nodded. "Cutie Mark Crusaders letter writers yay!"

***

Celestia levitated a quill over a piece of paper as she singed a document. A puff of smoke drifted in through her window and formed a letter which fell to the floor. Celestia smiled as she opened the parchment.

Dear Princess Celestia

Today we learned that growing up can be an exciting thing, and sometimes you may want to rush into it and experience it for yourself. However you shouldn't try to grow up too fast. Everypony matures a different rate and you should not let peer pressure rush you into growing up. Make sure you enjoy your childhood while it lasts.

Sincerely, The Cutie Mark Crusaders
(With editing by Twilight Sparkle)

The sun goddess let a warm smile form on her face. I wonder if they tried asking where babies come from. Celestia remembered when Twilight had asked her the same question. Even the divine ruler of Equestria had trouble answering. More smoke came in through the window, this time much more than before. The smoke took shape as a large blackboard that crashed to the floor. "What's this?" Celestia righted the blackboard upright. "A diagram from Twi- Oh my." The blackboard was covered in crude drawings of a certain part of the male anatomy.
Celestia scowled at this. "I need to have a few words with Twilight"

The End

Author's Note

Welp Here we are. My first story. Be like Applejack and be brutally honest. I cant get better if I don't know what I'm doing wrong.