The Ballad of Original the Character
Alright you bastards, it’s time to buckle up for some kick ass adventure. Are you buckled up? I don’t even give a shit, because it’s time. So get this, some horse came walking out of the forest one day. He had black hair and shit all over his body and he had these messed up lizard eyes. Red marked his body like he was into some kinky ass shit. His hair was flowing with red streaks through the infinite darkness that composed it, carefully flowing around his devil horns. Yes, his devil horns.
So anyways he comes out of the forest and his hooves are covered in blood and shit. Why? Who knows, he has a checked past more complex than a story written by a dyslexic midget with Parkinson’s. He stares at the sun, squinting his eyes and making a list to punch it in the face to show how edgy he is and shit. Then he looked down at the town in front of him. The infamous Ponyville, where a shit ton of stuff happens because a bunch of people can’t think of anything original.
“It’s time to pay a visit to this Ponyville”, Original the Character said as magically made a cigarette appear with his horn. Huffing the cancer stick down in one second, he spit the burning remains into some small hut with a shitload of animals running around it, igniting it instantly. He spread his wings and took off, fanning the flames as they scorched the earth and ended the lives of many.
Now I’m going to take a moment here and make sure you chuckleheads realize how kickass this mother fucker is. He’s got a horn, wings, and a bitching color scheme. You see this guy flying into your house, saying he’s going to eat your food and fuck your Mom, you better lead him straight to your parents’ bedroom, regardless if Dad is home or not. That’s just how he rolls.
So now he’s approaching this dinky little town that can only boast about how they’ve been the epicenter of Shitstorm Sandy for the past couple of years. Landing with enough force to level a building, he starts walking down the streets. Now at this point they might as well rename the place Venice because all the bitches are getting so wet they need a speedboat to chase after him. One whore in particular was very intrigued.
“I’m very intrigued” Rarity said as she forced her sister out of the house and into the stream of passions churning through the town. Whipping out her trusty diamond carved gondola, she approached him much like a salamander would approach a mango. Summoning her trusty spatula/dildo/megaphone with her horn, she gently whispered in a seductive manner.
“HEY STUD, IS THAT A BANANA IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU LOOKING TO FUCK?”
Original the Character, not at all surprised by the approach, took the banana out of his pocket and threw it into the gondola, revealing his massive wiener. Hopping into the boat, Rarity rowed back to her house as fast as her fat ass could move them and locked them both inside.
Alright people, you’re going to have to bear with me for a moment. I normally don’t write this kind of stuff, but it must be done. If you are weak of heart or squeamish, you may wish to turn around. If you have erectile dysfunction, send me a reward for curing you.
Whipping out his 15 inch meat pounder, Original the Character mounted the white slut and said “Prepare yourself.” She had no time to prepare herself, as he hammered her like a stubborn nail. His dick was flopping around like an unmanned fire hose and Rarity’s vagina was flopping in the wind like two piece of salami in a wind tunnel. Using his wings, he created a tornado with, mixed with from the orgasm that was leaking out of Rarity’s anus, created a sex tornado which destroyed the inside of the house. Spent like an overcharged credit card, the white whore collapsed and had fifteen babies all at once. The children did not last long, however, as Original the Character evaporated them all with his mind, leaving her an old spinster once more.
Original the Character, having no use of the white one anymore, began to leave. However, as he began to leave, that fucking super buff whack-ass horse with the small wings burst in and knocked over the entire building. Original the Character was not surprised at all, however, because he knew that something could happen if it was going to happen sometimes. In an instant, he burned the town to the ground, leaving only the white super horse to see the ashes.
“Why have you come to fight me in battle?” Original the Character asked.
“YEAH” that fucking dumb ass horse replied.
As the white monster’s charred body littered the landscape, Original, in his mercy, rebuilt the entire town and brought everyone who died back to life. And then he killed them again. Just to show how dark he was. As he brought them back to life a second time, he noticed that some big tree was glowing and shit.
“That tree is glowing and shit…” Original the Character noticed. He began to fly towards it, not certain of what was going to come from it. One thing was certain, however. This was going to be the start of his original journey.
Well folks, that’s all for right now. I know you were enthralled, but even I need breaks once in a while. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean I’m done! In fact, let’s have another story as I finish preparing myself for the next reading of Original’s tale of wonder.
This one is called “Hank and Bobby’s Anal Pro-PAIN”.
“Ladybird’s out cold dad”, Bobby said with a smirk on his face.
“That’s great boy, I tell you w’hut.” Hank said as he and Bobby began to get undressed…
