The Ponyville Epic

by Jesdabrony25

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1977

The greatest HIC story ever written!

Six friends wind up in Ponyville by inexplicable events. They have no idea what else to do but just fuck all those they've always dreamed of fucking. That is...Until things begin to go downhill for them.

Alright! This is the first chapter of my Comedy Clopfic Story! Sorry for the lack of clopping in the first chapter I just wanted to get everybody paired. Which leads me to my next question, should I go with a more serous fic? Or go through with making this a comedy? I want your input, because if you want it to be romantic serious I'll revise the first Chapter and make it so.

Published 2012-12-16 19:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-16 19:50:01 UTC

Chapter One

Jesse, Josh, Noah, Cameron, Tristan, and Peter looked from the winding dirt path that led into the Technicolor animated pony utopia that lay spread out before them.

“Where in the actual fuck are we?” Jesse said scratching his head in confusion, Cameron, however seemed indifferent to this turn of events. It was so strange to them, one minute they were all laughing and having fun on Xbox Live, next thing they know they find themselves together outside of Ponyville, seriously, what in the fuck was happening?

“There better not be any pony niggers, speaking of niggers, where’s Spike? It’s about time someone killed that little nigger nosed bottle fucker.” Cameron said as if the fact that they were in an animated Cartoon didn’t matter to him.

“Just let me find some of that sweet Changeling pussy, you know, as long as we’re here.” Tristan said, also, seeming indifferent to us being in a fucking pony world.

“What the fuck?” Jesse mouthed silently at Tristan, seriously, Changelings are fucking ugly. It seemed that the six lost friends had nothing else to say about the matter. So, they proceeded down into Ponyville. The small town was exactly as it looked in the show. They were admiring the scenery when something caught Josh’s attention. A pony, with a light purple coat, and a mane composed of two shades of purple, Twilight Sparkle.

“Must…Fuck…Pony…” Josh said almost in a trance-like state. He left us scratching our heads in confusion and proceeded to give Twilight a rather strong kick to her head, rendering her unconscious. Without any of the other ponies around noticing apparently, he dragged her limp unconscious form into the Library and firmly shut and locked the door behind him.

“Awww…I wanted to watch” Tristan muttered looking dreamily off into the distance that Josh had left. Noah looked at him this time, with the same look of disgust.

“What the fuck?” He mouthed towards Tristan similarly as to what Jesse did earlier. The four remaining friend’s lo-…Wait…four? It was at that moment that they heard a scream that sounded like a prepubescent Child attempting to masturbate, a scream of pure pain. They turned around to the sight of Cameron, with a rather large rock, roughly about the size of his hand, brutally beating Spike over the head.

“Oh my fucking god!” Jesse shouted in shock “ Shouldn't someone do something?” But apparently no one was going to do anything; as a matter of fact most of the ponies in town had gathered around him and were cheering Cameron on. One of these ponies, was Rarity, she was cheering Cameron on the loudest of all, and was seemingly pleasuring herself to the site of the brutal beating.

Noah, on the other hand, was throwing twenty dollar bills onto the fighting baby dragon and the teenage sociopath.

“Come on Cameron! Kill that fucking faggot! Yeah Yeah” Noah shouted joyously as Cameron threw the bloody rock aside. Spike struggled letting out mutated gurgles of pain, suffering from severe brain damage. Cameron then proceeded to twist Spike’s neck, efficiently snapping it, his weird dragon-nigger vertebrae popping out through his gay purple scaly skin. Now, the groups of ponies were bored with the scene and began to resume their daily lives, except for Rarity that is.

“I must say, the murder of that scaly little fuck was splendid! Would you care to come back with me to the Carousel Boutique and avoir du plasir?” Cameron only nodded, and followed Rarity back to her shop; slapping her on the ass they entered the door.

“Well, what the fuck?” Jesse sighed, he noticed that he only saw Noah and Peter now, where the hell was Tristan? He got his answer pretty quickly. He looked and saw Tristan burning the corpse of Spike, causing large heaps of smoke to rise into the air, this would surely cause alarm. Once again, he was wrong; apparently no pony gave a single fuck about anything.

It was then that Jesse saw Rainbow Dash, leaving Sugar Cube Corner. This was his time to make a move on the Athletic pony. He walked up to her politely tapping her near her neck to get her attention

“Uhm…Rainbow Dash…Hey, how’s it going?” Rainbow Dash didn’t vocally reply, she just turned around looked him up and down a little and shrugged.

“Hey! I guess you’re new in town?” She asked, her mane seemed even more alluring to Jesse in person than in real life for some reason.

“Yeah, but hey, I still know who you are.” He said, he decided to use his knowledge of her character to his advantage. It worked, her eyes lit up.

“Really!? You know about me? Heh, you must think I’m pretty awesome right?” She beamed at him, and he nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah! You’re the best flyer in Equestria!” She let out a squee of excitement, one of the first times meeting a devoted fan of hers.

“Yes! Hey, do you want to come back to my place for a cup of coffee?” She asked enthusiastically.

“Well sure why not! I’d love to have coffee with my idol!” His plan had worked! Now all he had to do was get to her place, and then he could maybe get her to…get..with him.

Then she wrapped her forelegs around his Chest and heaved him into the air, he knew that they were heading to Clouds Dale. He waved at Tristan, Peter and Noah but they didn’t wave back, only flipped him off. The closest thing to a dear goodbye he would ever get.

When they arrived at Rainbow Dash’s cloud home, she looked at him, a sort of smile spreading around her face, but behind that smile, she had a look of superior expectation, like she wanted him to make the first move.

“Well? Do I have to do everything?”She asked sarcastically then pulled him close to her, balanced herself on her hind legs and locked him in an impassioned kiss, and without breaking it, she pulled him into the house slamming the door shut behind her.

Noah, Tristan and Peter didn't know what to do, so they just walked around talking as if nothing was wrong with being in an alternate dimension, of course not, it’s completely fucking normal. A couple hours later, when Peter and Tristan went to go take a piss in the back woods or something fuck I don’t know…A bouncing Pinkie Pie confronted Noah right outside Sugar Cube Corner. She gasped in excitement at the exotic sentient being before her.

“Oooh, are you new here? I've never seen you before!” Noah looked at her, he tried to keep his best poker face, but the boner that was starting to protrude from his pants was difficult to hide.

“Y..yes I’m new here..” Pinkie Pie squealed in excitement and hopped around Noah.

“Hi I’m Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you! Oooh I just know we’ll be the best of friends! Want to do something fun!?” Noah then gave an excited grin, he was glad to meet his favorite pony in reality, except now he had a chance to live his…other…fantasy about the Pink Pony.

“Bonjour! Yeah, Sure, I’d love to play a game with you!” He said, although his voice sounded strangely exerted, he was trying to hide his throbbing erection.

“Oh…I have lots and lots of…special…games we could play!” Pinkie Pie said giving a seductive wink to the erect teenager. Noah gulped. She smelled of candy and sweet pastries as she brushed against his side, moving around him in circles hyper-actively, no sooner running ahead.

“O…of course…lead the way!” Noah said, his voice stuttered in anticipation, he followed the Pink Pony, who unknowingly emphasized the swaying of her plot side to side before him, continuing to hop up and down, only making him more erect. The two vanished into Sugar Cube Corner, right as Tristan and Peter returned.

“Jesus Christ, why the fuck is everyone going and fucking Ponies all of a sudden?” Tristan asked, he didn’t even need to see what happened to Noah to know what he’s doing right now. Peter shrugged, not seeming to give a fuck, like everyone else.

“I don’t know, I’m not a fucking ponyfag.” He said, he leaned against the wall of Sugar Cube Corner; he could hear an audible thumping and moaning from the other side of the wall so he pushed himself off and looked at the wall awkwardly.

“Well, I’m going to go try to find Cameron, not because I give a rat’s ass about him or anything I’m just fucking bored.” Tristan then turned and walked in the opposite direction of Sugar Cube Corner, disappearing from sight shortly after.

“Well, might as well listen to some gay rock from the sixty’s.” Peter said pulling out his Ipod, and, as well, leaving Sugar Cube Corner.

Tristan, being a human, did not know Ponyville very well internally. So eventually, because fuck logic, he found himself about 4 miles into The Everfree Forest, so deep that no one would ever be able to hear his cries of ecstatic joy, not that that matters or anything. He heard a strange voice mumbling in a distance, he thought that maybe it was some pony injured or some shit so he went to check it out.

“Hey…Oh what the fucking fuck?” He said staring at the sight before him. It was Queen Chrysalis, she looked at him with her eyes wide open.

“Mmm, what do we have here?” She said, a cocky guffaw about her, she trotted up to Tristan, who was gaping at her sexy trot.

“What’s the matter boy? Love Struck?” She asked him, her breath gently brushing the nape of his neck, it sent shivers down his spine.

“Uhm, Probably..” Is all he could think to say, but of course who the fuck could blame him. He was about to maybe be sexually assaulted by a Changeling that’s way too into vampirism. Chrysalis shivered slightly, she sensed something, like some sort of strange sixth sense of love.

“Oh, I can tell you love me..” Chrysalis said, she of course had no romantic feelings for the poor fuck, but she was weak from her recent encounter with the six slutty ponies and the Elder Goddess. Chrysalis had no choice but to screw the strange creature.

“Just lay back boy and I will feed…” Tristan did as he was told by the Vampire Love Goddess. He leaned back onto the grass and stared up at her. His one dream, to be dominated sexually by this hot Changeling, was about to come true.

So all six of the Inter-dimensional travelers were occupied each doing their own separate shit, except one who is currently walking around Ponyville rather awkwardly listening to his fucking Ipod, like that kind of technology should be introduced to this dimension at this current time period. Why? Because why the fuck not?

Will Twilight wake up during Josh’s happy fun cum time?

Will Cameron be able to successfully go full anal with Rarity?

Will Jesse “Taste The Rainbow”?

Will Noah eat Pinkie Pie’s Love Frosted Cupcake?

Will Tristan be raped by a giant Love Goddess?

Will Peter ever find out what the fuck to do?

Well then find out when I decide to write the next chapter to this epic about: Love, loss, sexy times, even more sexy times, and romance! Because come on guys, we all know, these clopfics, are serious fucking business!

Author's Note

WARNING: If you are a younger reader, this may be a bit to Risque for you. Caution is advised when treading here.

Note from Editor: Should we sway more for a serious tone or a comedy approach? We gave you a taste of both. As well, I wrote the Pinkie Pie section including me, for the serious tone.