A Very Complicated Situation

by Lord Dark

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Romance
Length: 15426

Twilight Sparkle had a secret. One she shared with her brother Shining Armor, and now his wife Princess Cadence. But with one single sentence from Rainbow Dash, that secret shattered to pieces around her. What will she do now? What CAN she do?

Twilight Sparkle had a secret. One she shared with her brother Shining Armor, and now his wife Princess Cadence. But with one single sentence from Rainbow Dash, that secret shattered to pieces around her. What will she do now? What CAN she do?

A continuation of Complicated Relations which was written by Softy8088. With permission from the author I have continued this wonderful story with my answer to the question, what was Twilight's reaction? If you don't read this story you won't understand a word of mine. Go READ IT. Cover image taken from here, created by illusion115 with permission for anyone to use at the bottom. It might start off seemingly dark, but I promise no ponies are hurt in the writing of this story. Story chapters 1-3 pre-read and edited by Softy8088. (Thanks for getting me started on the right hoof.) All chapters labled intermission have no pre-readers or editors. They are silly, have nothing to do with the actual story, and I'm not going to waste my time or someone else's polishing them.

Published 2012-12-16 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-28 07:10:26 UTC

Chapter 1: The Revelation

Ponyville Library: Home to Princess Celestia's prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle; her assistant, Spike the Dragon; the pets Peewee the phoenix and Owlishious the owl. However, it was daytime; Owlishious was asleep, Spike was absent as was the phoenix Peewee. There were currently four occupants in the library, and the current whereabouts of a dragon and his pet bird were the furthest thing from any of their minds. Twilight Sparkle had one mission: To correct the damage - specifically, to the mares who had found out about The Secret. Twilight's deepest, most treasured secret, which was more a part of her being than anything else in the world. It was an armor she's worn since she was a filly - one that had been completely unceremoniously ripped off her, leaving her metaphorically naked in the eyes of her friends.

Her friends present were Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. For Rarity and Rainbow Dash, the only thing on their minds was how they managed to wind up in such a complicated predicament. For Fluttershy, it was fear; simply, a completely paralyzing fear that kept her from moving a muscle. Not that she would have been able to move if she wasn't paralyzed by fear. Twilight Sparkle had made sure of that.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash stood in the center of the library, their bodies completely at the whim of whatever spell Twilight had cast upon them. Luckily, the spell, while rendering their bodies immobilized, allowed for them to move their eyes, blink, and even speak.

Fluttershy was frozen in the smallest ball she could have curled up into, her face buried in her hooves. Even though she was able to speak, there was no way to look around or see. She simply laid there, hyperventilating, waiting for the worst.

Twilight was running amuck in the library, searching - for something, though no pony knew what. She raced around, grabbing books at random off the shelves, scanning their contents and, in a manner unbecoming of a librarian such as herself, tossed the discarded and useless collections of knowledge haphazardly without care onto the wooden floor. Whenever Spike returned, he would bemoan his fate for weeks on end, as every book would be de-shelved and in random piles upon the floor. But she had bigger concerns, and the state of the library, or any of the discarded books randomly on the floor, were nowhere near a pressing issue. Her mane was completely ruined, to the point that if there weren't more pressing matters at hoof, a certain fashionista would have simply fainted from the sight. Her eyes were dilated, and sweat dripped down her face. To say she looked like a mess would be a gross understatement. The two things on her mind were 'Our Secret' and 'I can fix this'. She was muttering to herself, but it wasn't understandable. Her words were lost as soon as they escaped her mouth, as if she was simply thinking aloud, but soft enough that only she could hear.

Even though they were able to move their eyes, and were practically side by side, Rainbow and Rarity were almost completely unable to see one another's expressions. It was probably for the best, as both mares were completely enraged at one another. The had both gotten into this predicament together, but neither pony wanted the blame.

It was Rainbow Dash that broke the eerie silence that was pierced only by the incoherent ramblings of the resident librarian. "Dude, what just happened?"

"YOU happened Rainbow Dash!" Rarity exclaimed, her voice dripping with anger. "If you would have simply kept your mouth shut none of this would have happened!"

"Well excuse me, drama queen! You seemed completely fine with it at the time!" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I might have gotten the ball rolling, but you pushed it along!"

Attempting her most rage filled glare, she tried to stare down Rainbow. "Darling, you KNOW I can't help myself when something so deliciously juicy is given to me on a silver platter. It would have been a crime to have dropped it after you blurted that out so recklessly."

Ignoring for the moment at responding to Rarity, Rainbow focused her attention upon Twilight, her eyes widening at the scene before her. "What is she doing?"

Twilight Sparkle was the most brilliant mind that had ever lived in Equestria. Even in her current state, she was observing and listening to her captive audience. "Simple!" She replied ecstatically, clapping her hooves together and rubbing them vigorously. "I can fix this! All I have to do is find a memory spell, reverse engineer it to wipe clean your memories of the past events and then Our Secret will be safe. Our Secret," she repeated, her left eye twitching. She then returned to her task, uncaring at the state she left her friends in.

"Oh darling, your secret is safe with us. We won't tell a soul, will we Rainbow Dash?" Rarity nervously laughed as the situation, as serious as it was, began to dawn upon her. Her previous anger at Rainbow's uncouth outburst set aside, she now was beginning to fear for herself and her fellow friends.

"Of course we won't! Not going to tell a single pony! No pony at all!" Rainbow reinforced, with more enthusiasm than was needed, but it fell on uncaring ears.

"Our Secret' was the only reply to be heard from the purple mare. No other statement or acknowledgement from the librarian was issued.

"I think she's completely lost it this time, Rainbow," Rarity whispered, tears forming in her eyes as the full weight of the severity of this situation weighed heavily upon her mind.

Rainbow, in stark contrast to her usual fearless self, replied in as hushed a whisper, her broken voice uttering a single statement: "Rarity... I think we are royally bucked."

Fluttershy had long since fainted.

Just a short time ago

“Ooooh, of course! Now I get it!” Rainbow announced. “All this time, Twilight's been doing her brother!"

Twilight froze. Fear gripped her. More fear than the mare had ever felt before. More terrifying than the Queen of the Changelings taking over Canterlot. A greater fear than her friends 'leaving' her after Discord's chaos. More than facing Nightmare Moon alone. More than the entrance exam to Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. A single strand of hair popped up, out of her mane. Her eyes turned to pin pricks and sweat began to form on her forehead. Her brain desperately wanted to shut down, but one thought shot though her mind, keeping her together. 'Our Secret.' Rainbow Dash had just blurted out her deepest secret that she shared with her Big Brother Best Friend Forever Shining Armor, and as of just a few days ago, Cadence as well.

"Rainbow..." Twilight said, voice soft, but firm. "That statement is simply preposterous! He is my brother. BROTHER!" Glancing around nervously, she considered herself lucky. No other pony was within earshot of this horrible conversation besides her friends. In a single moment of clear thought, she remembered Cadence, and as her mind clouded once more, thought it a perfect way to dismiss such a statement, no matter how true it might be. "And he is MARRIED!"

Rarity's mind was not clouded by any means; quite the opposite. She had grown up her entire life reading tabloids and gossip columns, even participating in 'harmless gossip' herself. Her mind was quickly fitting all the pieces together like a 4 year old's jigsaw puzzle. It was so obvious. Of COURSE it was Shining Armor. It couldn't possibly be any pony else. Rarity's eyes lit up with starlight, and her grin spread from one ear to the other. "Twilight, darling, it's so plainly obvious now, no need to hide it. You've always mentioned that you put your studies before friendships. Why, before coming to Ponyville, you had no friends at all! I can't imagine you consorting with any colt or stallion when you never even took your head out of a book! Shining Armor was the only pony you ever cared for. Of course it's him!"

Fluttershy wanted nothing to do with the conversation. It was an invasion of privacy. It was indecent. And worst of all it was in PUBLIC. The shy mare curled herself into the smallest ball she could muster, and buried her face into her hooves.

"Called it!" Rainbow Dash enthusiastically exclaimed.

They knew, they all knew. Many words could be used to describe Twilight Sparkle. Celestia's Greatest Student. Genius. Intelligent. Smart. Brilliant. None of these words could describe the poor mare at this moment. Her Secret, laid bare. Her mind was quickly shutting down. "But... Shining. Married. Cadence," the poor girl muttered, her mind quickly slipping back into her happy place, in the far corner of her mind.

"Yes, darling, you have a sexual relationship with your brother, who is married. I can't believe it! Princess Cadence is royalty! I do not condone you being a home wrecker. Shining can't hide something like this from his wife. Just think of the scandal it will cause!" Rarity beamed. Oh this was just too much.

"Yeah Twilight, you can't go around Shining Armor's back!" Rainbow added, joining Rarity in scolding the broken mare.

Rainbow's words fell on deaf ears. As soon as Rarity mentioned a scandal, whatever was remaining of Twilight's mind stopped, and retreated. As of this moment she was completely running on subconscious thoughts.

Fluttershy wasn't focused on the conversation, but she could sense the change in Twilight. She peered up from out of her hooves and looked at Twilight with as much awe as jealously. Fluttershy knew where she was: in a mental padded safe room of her own design. It was a skill she envied. Twilight could shut down when her stress overwhelmed her. Fluttershy never had such a luxury. She had to always be conscious as her fears consumed her. With as much awe she had, it was slowly being replaced with fear.

There was an incident where the very same thing had happened before. Twilight Sparkle worried her consciousness away for fear of being tardy with a friendship report to Princess Celestia. The incident her subconscious mind had created to 'fix everything' involved her Smarty Pants doll, an overpowered and carelessly used Want-It-Need-It spell, which had turned the entire populace of the town, save her friends, into mindless minions wrought on literally worshipping a old and raggedy doll. It took the intervention of Princess Celestia herself to put everything right, and while no pony was injured, it was a serious incident indeed. The town never spoke of it again, save in hushed whispers, but her friends referred to it as 'Lesson Zero'. Suffice to say, Twilight Sparkle in a subconscious state of mind was very dangerous indeed. If Fluttershy was right, they were all in danger. With as much willpower she could muster, she let out a faint whisper simply saying, "girls..."

The faint whisper fell silent almost immediately upon leaving her mouth. No pony heard it, and at that time, Rarity and Rainbow were so enthralled with Twilight's secret coming to life, they probably didn't want to. The questions continued, words to a mare no longer qualified to answer.

"What's your brother like in bed?"

"Does Princess Cadence know anything?"

"Seriously, what's he like in bed!?!"

"What will you do if this gets out?"

"I bet he's HUGE."

"What would Princess Celestia say?"

"How many times did you do it?"

"How did you keep this from your parents? They couldn't approve."

Fluttershy saw what the others couldn't: Twilight's mane was quickly becoming a complete mess, her eye was twitching, there was a blank look in her icy cold stare. She spoke up again, increasing the volume of her voice, "girls". But it was to no avail. No pony heard her still.

"No, Really, what is he like in bed!?!"

"Rainbow Dash, a girl never kisses and tells..." Rarity scolded Dash, and continuing with her blatant hypocrisy, her grin returned in full, "Except her best friends!"

"GIRLS!" Fluttershy shouted. To be completely accurate, though, her volume was more along the lines of a normal pony's ordinary speaking voice. The tone though, was anything but. It carried a sense of profound urgency, which snapped the mare's out of their questioning rampage, and brought their attention to Fluttershy, who simply pointed a shaking hoof at Twilight.

"Um, Twilight darling... are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, you don't look so good."

Twilight Sparkle, could only utter a single, broken reply: "Our.... Secret"

Twilight was in the worst shape any pony had ever seen her in. The fact that Rarity hadn't gone all drama queen could be attributed to the fact that she had gushed it all out in the past few minutes. It could be because Twilight was obviously distraught. Even perhaps, because on a subconscious level, Rarity knew, and fear can overpower every other emotion.

"Um.... Rarity?" Rainbow said, never taking her eyes off Twilight. "Do you think we took this too far?"

Rarity kept her eyes firmly affixed to Twilight Sparkle. "I. Don't. Know." The last word came out as no more than a squeak as Twilight's horn began charging.

Fluttershy buried her face into her hooves yet again as Twilight started to laugh manically. "I can fix this... I can fix it!" It was at that moment the Star Pupil of Celestia chose to cast her spell. A blinding white light encompassed them all, and if any pony were nearby to hear, they would have heard the echo of a voice moments after the light dissipated. "I can fix EVERYTHING".

Author's Note

This is my very first attempt to write a story. I've never had the desire to write before, but Complicated Relations is my favorite. The cliff hanger ending bored into my mind like a drill, and implanted the thoughts of 'what happens next'. I was then compelled to create a fimfiction account for the sole purpose of writing this story. But as I've already dove into this pool headfirst, I might as well swim while I am here. I can post comments, send messages to writers I've enjoyed, complimenting them on their stories that have filled my time with pleasure and joy. I hope that this story will be at least half as good as Softy8088's, because if it is, it will be great. Thank you Softy, for giving fimfiction, and me in particular one of the greatest stories I've ever read, and while it was far too short for my taste, it doesn't take away from all the emotion you crammed into it. No piece of literature so short has taken me from the joys of laughter, to the fear of exposure. From tears of heartfelt joy to an emotional wreck (the good kind!) It was one hell of a roller coaster and I enjoyed every minute. And hey, if I ever write anything excellent on this site, its going to be because of your story, and how it drove me to start writing.

Chapter 2: The Complicated Fallout

Twilight's face shot up from the book she was skimming, eyes widening in a form of shock. "Language! You are not bucked." The sound of the book snapping shut cut the purple librarian off short. She did not realize she had commanded the book to close, and the noise startled her. "I told you, I'm going to fix it!" The book carelessly fell to the floor, no longer levitated with the spell-caster's magic power, as her left eye, unfocused on Rainbow Dash, grew larger than the other one.

As the librarian continued her frantic search, Rarity suddenly had an answer to Rainbow's question from earlier that day:

Yes, they took their teasing too far, and now Twilight was spinning out of control.

"Darling," Rarity began, finding her voice, "I would sincerely like to apologize for my behavior after finding out about... your relationship. It was not my place to say anything or judge you based upon your behavior in the bedroom. I was just so happy for you. I am quite certain Rainbow Dash feels the same way."

Rarity had over-emphasized Rainbow's name, to get her attention; to follow along. If they were going to get out of this situation every pony needed to be on board to talk Twilight down. Hopefully Fluttershy would regain consciousness in order to help out.

"Uh, yeah! Like totally Twilight! We were just so excited and happy for you that we wanted to know everything, you know?" Rainbow Dash continued where Rarity left off, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "I know I didn't mean to jump you like that. I was just caught up in the moment. You know how it is."

The words of kindness and friendship never reached Twilight Sparkle. Her body may have heard the reassurances of her companions, but her mind barely processed them, and her consciousness did not receive them at all. The mare made no motion nor gave any signal to show that she had heard them at all.

"Rainbow Dash," Rarity spoke using a sharper voice, "apologize! Twilight is dreadfully upset over this situation which we thrust upon her; consider how she feels! She wouldn't even tell us after being more intoxicated than Berry Punch during happy hour, and we ripped that treasure from her! Haven't you been listening? The poor dear can only talk about her secret, which is secret no more, because of us!" Rarity ranted, chastising the blue mare. Eyes opening wide, only now did she realize why they were all in this predicament. Twilight Sparkle's most precious secret was carelessly revealed after she had worked so hard to keep it. Little wonder why she had snapped.

"Look, Twi, it was wrong of me to blurt that out like that, and I shouldn't have done it," Rainbow started, working up the nerves to actually say the two words Rarity insisted upon. Rainbow Dash was cool; it was a trademark. Princess Celestia raised the sun, Princess Luna raised the moon, Rainbow Dash was cool. Being mushy, having to apologize, and being feminine were the top three things she hated to do more than anything. With a sigh, she said with as much emotion as she could muster, "I'm sorry."

The librarian again didn't make any acknowledgement to their apologies. She was still quickly scanning all the books in her library looking for a memory spell.

Rainbow Dash had just apologized, and Twilight Sparkle didn't accept it. The truth was she couldn't in her state but it didn't stop Rainbow Dash from becoming upset.

"Twilight did you hear-"

"EUREKA!" Rainbow's statement was cut off sharply with a cheerfully loud exclamation from the magic mare. Twilight had found something and that spelled disaster in bright red letters for every pony else. "I found a forgetting spell. It says here that it will allow a pony to forget what worries them most! I don't even need to change this; you finding out my Secret worries me most!"

Rarity, being a unicorn herself and a smart pony as well, thought for a brief, fleeting moment, to inform the distraught librarian that a spell such as the one she mentioned would not be effective in any means to correct one's memories. She opened her mouth to speak, and snapped it shut quickly with an audible snap. If Twilight wanted to cast a spell that would only calm a pony from one's worries, it would definitely help out the fear of the captive friends. At least they would then be able to talk her down from her mental state without concern for themselves. It just might make a difference.

"I was really getting worried there. This is the last book in my library that deals with magic," Twilight stated with a smile on her face, as she approached the trio of mares. "I don't know what I would do if I couldn't find a spell..."

Scratch that, Rarity chided. When this doesn't work — not a matter of if — they were going to be confronted with a insane mare with no options. Rarity hoped that it would break the poor dear down and let them go, but the other option was her going even more off the deep end, and she shuddered to think what the next idea would be.

"Fluttershy will be first!" Twilight spoke, not realizing that, with the timid mare's face buried in her hooves, she wasn't even conscious to defend herself from such an idea. Holding the book in front of her, she reread the spell, double checking to make sure it was cast appropriately, and charged up her horn. Releasing the spell, a translucent pink mist appeared over Fluttershy and descended upon the mare's head, until it enveloped her completely. After a few tense moments, the spell dissipated, and there was complete silence.

After a few more moments, the soundless atmosphere was broken by Twilight's voice: "Did it work?"

"Did what work?" Fluttershy asked, parting her hooves and standing up. Twilight, Rarity and Rainbow gasped as Fluttershy not only awoke, but stood tall, looking Twilight square in the face.

"Um... the memory spell, Fluttershy..." Twilight timidly answered, not sure of herself. "I guess casting that spell removed the enchantment placed upon you earlier, but it's OK if I fixed it."

Twilight Sparkle's face was filled with fear, eyes wide with shock. The enchantment she used could not be cast upon the same pony twice in a twenty four hour period, and she had no idea how to subdue the timid one again if she had to. "Do you remember anything?"

"Remember what, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked, her head tilting to the right as she pondered the question she was asked.

"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!" Twilight was beside herself with joy. She did it, she fixed it. She hopped in circles around Fluttershy excited as a filly on Hearth's Warming Eve. "Now my secret is safe, and no pony has to find out!"

"Oh, you mean if I remember if we found out you were having sex with your brother," Fluttershy stated, calmly and firmly.

Twilight, in a single moment, froze in mid air. Pinkie Pie would have been proud, because for the two seconds she processed Fluttershy's statement, her body was rigid, hovering in place above the ground in a manner defying physics and the laws of gravity. Breaking free of her timeless state, she fell down hard in the middle of the three ponies that were guests in the library, and started to cry. "I didn't fix anything," she spoke in a whisper in between sobs and sniffles. The last of her will to fight the situation broke down with her, as she became a teary-eyed mess. The failure to solve her problem had destroyed the padded walls of her mental panic room, and she was thrust back into reality, and the situation that her friends knew what she had done.

"I'm sorry Twilight, I mean I didn't know what you were asking about and honestly you having sex with your brother doesn't bother me at all. Some of my little critter friends have found comfort in the same way so I don't see a big deal with it." Fluttershy closed the distance between herself and the broken mare, wrapping a hoof around her and stroking her mane with the other in an effort to calm her down. "I won't tell any pony a word about it if you don't want me to."

With the soothing words from Fluttershy, Twilight relaxed slightly. It wasn't enough to calm her by any great degree, but it was enough for her mental link with Rarity and Rainbow Dash to be severed, and release them from their own enchantments.

Finally able to move once again, Rarity stifled the urge to bolt from the home in fear, and approached the sobbing pony with (1)trepidation. Throwing caution to the wind, she hugged Twilight Sparkle, and softly comforted her as well. "Don't worry Twilight, I won't say a word either. It's simply fabulous that you have such a loving companion! To be honest, I was jealous of you."

Rainbow Dash groaned and moved forward to her friends, thinking silently to herself: she had already apologized, so why not go all the way with a hug and more kind words? "Twi? Loyalty. Remember? I already told you I would never tell any pony, and I mean it. Your secret is safe with all of us."

The three friends lifted Twilight up in a giant bear hug, affectionately nuzzling the girl. Surrounded by love and care, as well as promises of silence, Twilight relaxed inside the group's platonic embrace. From being beside herself with worry, she slowly returned to reality, while the other girls simply focused on their friend. Time had no meaning to them. All that mattered was calming the girl down.

After a unknown period of time, Twilight's emotions were in check, and she motioned for the girls to set her down. Getting back on her own hooves, she found her voice. "Girls... Thank you so so much. You have no idea how scared I was that you wouldn't like me anymore."

Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath, "Oh, I think we know exactly how scared you were", but only Rarity could hear her. With a quick hoof from Rarity to the side, and a hissed ouch, she mumbled, "Yeah Twi, we kinda figured it out when you went all weirdo on us, but it's OK. We all forgive you."

Relieved Twilight was no longer insane and comfortable with the fact that she knew the secret would never leave the library, Rarity focused more intently on the other ramification that truth had shed light up: Twilight was still a home-wrecker. "Now sweetie, we promise not to say a word to any pony else, but you simply must explain yourself! We don't want you or Shining to be hurt when Princess Cadence finds out!" Rarity spoke in as straight a voice as possible, not trying to chastise the poor dear who might still be in a fragile state.

Twilight burst out laughing, tears beginning to form in her eyes. She pounded the floor with one hoof, as the other held her side. Rarity and Rainbow jumped backwards, shocked at the emotional outburst. Something was either extremely funny to the purple mare, or she had just lost it again. Fluttershy didn't budge an inch, still affected by the spell she was placed under. Calming herself down, Twilight wiped the moisture off her face, and spoke through some last minute chuckles. "Oh girls, Cadence knows, heck, she's always known!" With a slight frown, "of course neither me nor Shiny found out she always knew till just this past week," and with a smile as wide as a mile, "and we might have all been in bed together."

Rarity lost it. She grabbed her hair, pulled straight down while standing on her hind legs. "Ohmygosh," she panted, frantically trying to process the new information. "Ménage à trios? You simply must tell us everything! You must, you must! You MUST!" At this point, Rarity was lying on her back, under the librarian's face, pleading to find out all the juicy details. Rainbow face-hoofed at the sight, but deep down, she wanted to know too.

Twilight explained the events of the past week in detail, but skimmed over the times spent in the bedroom. Some things WERE meant to stay private; even if she was saying they all did it like animals, she kept it vague. Upon reaching the end of the story she used her magic to open the saddlebags still strapped to her, and pulled out an envelope. It was a nondescript envelope, of pure white, with no creases, tears, or noticeable markings of any kind. The only thing that separated it as one that had been pulled out of packaging brand new, was a slight bulge in the direct middle, which indicated that it contained a small item. Twilight opened the envelope and pulled forth a small key.

The key was silver, gleaming, and perfectly-cut, seemingly fine enough to be a piece of jewellery. It contained no superfluous gems or other ostentatious additions, remaining true to its utilitarian essence. On the bow were engraved three small, yet meticulously detailed images: Shining Armor’s cutie mark, Cadance’s cutie mark... and Twilight Sparkle’s cutie mark.

Rainbow gazed upon the key, levitated in Twilight's magic between the group of mares. She contemplated its meaning thoughtfully.

Fluttershy looked onwards towards the key, head tilting slightly as she thought upon its purpose.

Unlike the other two ponies, Rarity, the greatest fashionista in all of Equestria, understood almost immediately. She visited Canterlot often enough, selling her wares, that she knew the in's and out's of the Capitol like the back of her meticulously hoofi-cured hoof. In the area of Canterlot where the higher Royals resided, hardly any pony ever locked their doors; a Royal Guardspony stood almost literally on every street corner, and the crime statistic was reported not as a ratio, but as an absolute total, countable with a single pony’s hooves. Even faced with a locked door, any skilled enough unicorn, such as Twilight, knew enough magic – ranging from simple unlocking spells, through known-location teleportation, up to and including material phasing – to make the very idea of a door lock a purely academic concept.

It was a key with no practical use; however, it held a very deep meaning.

Twilight Sparkle was a member of that household, a member of the herd. Bigamy, polygamy; these relationships were not illegal in Equestria. They were not common, but did occur often enough that they were a socially accepted norm. Twilight was not a home-wrecker, she was a home-filler. They had accepted her as one of their own. Rarity teared up slightly and smiled. "Twilight, I am so sorry for ever accusing you of being a home-wrecker. You might have thought you started that way, seeing as how Shining kept the truth from you, but this is the most beautiful gift I have ever seen. This key looks like it might have taken some time, and I doubt it was crafted in only a day. Princess Cadence may even have been planning upon this outcome for some time now!"(2)

Fluttershy followed along with Rarity after she gave her brief statement but Rainbow still didn't understand. "What's the big deal? It's just a key."

Twilight answered her question enthusiastically, "It's a key to Shiny and Cadence's home! I am always welcome there as one of them, I never have to knock, announce myself or anything!"

Rainbow Dash's eyes widened as her mouth grew into a smile. "Ohhhhhhhh, I get it now! You're, like, in a serious relationship with the two of them! That is so cool!"

Twilight nodded, grateful to be accepted. "I know, it's wonderful. I am the luckiest mare in Equestria. Not only because of them, but because of you girls. I'm so happy you have accepted my relationship." She slowly began to look like she had when she disembarked from the train not too long ago, radiating confidence and happiness. "But girls, if you would excuse me, I would like a nap, seeing as how a certain couple kept me up... ALL. NIGHT. LONG." The final words were accompanied with a wink, and then a yawn.

Rainbow Dash snickered, covering her mouth with her hooves, and nodded knowingly. One might wonder just how knowingly, and how many of her cloud naps were for the exact same reason. With Twilight sleepy, and Rarity currently standing with her mouth dropped to the floor at the sexual TMI Twilight had laid upon them, no mare present caught onto the sagely tip of the head. Every pony was exhausted from the ordeal, and were happy at the opportunity to go their separate ways.

Rarity shut her mouth slowly. "Twilight, I hope you get a good rest. I suspect you need it," she joyfully remarked, turning to leave. "Fluttershy dear, would you care to accompany me to the spa? I could do with some pampering after all those dress orders." Rarity smartly kept her mouth shut about how stressed she was about Twilight's frantic, and scary state. She didn't wish to let the tired pony bed down on such a sour note. Fluttershy simply nodded, and followed Rarity as they walked out the front door.

"Yeah, Twi, get some sleep. I'll see you again soon!" Rainbow Dash chuckled, walking out the front door, closing it behind her.

Twilight yawned once more. She used her magic to undo her saddlebags, and then hang them by the door. Walking up the stairs to her bed, she climbed in lazily, and snuggled under the covers. She looked upwards, gazing upon the key she still levitated, having not let it go since showing her friends, and smiled. She planned never to have it part from her. Using her telekinetic powers she slipped it underneath her pillow, and drifted off to sleep. Her dreams were filled of the time she had spent with her loving couple.

Twilight sat at her desk, completing the letter in front of her. She smiled as she reread the parchment, making sure it was worded perfectly for her teacher.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned a valuable lesson about the magic of friendship. True friends will accept you for who you are, regardless if you think otherwise. Even when they find out your deepest, darkest secrets, you can still count on them to keep those secrets safe as well. Sharing those secrets you keep with your friends can not only let them know more about you as a pony, but deepen the bonds of friendship you have. It can even make that secret you hold so dear, even more precious to you.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

Glancing up at her clock, it was only a quarter past 8. Spike and Peewee had returned in time to fix dinner, the smells of which had woken her from her afternoon nap. Following their meal, she had retired upstairs to write the friendship letter herself while her number one assistant cleaned up the dishes. Wrapping the letter up and sealing it into a scroll, she set it on Spike's bed with a note for him to send. Yawning, she decided to turn in for the night. After all, she had barely gotten any sleep for the past couple of days, and it was past time she caught up.

Only the most powerful of memory spells are permanent. The events of the day cast a dark shadow onto a very important situation which had been overlooked: The spell which the magician had cast lacked both strength and duration. Quite simply, it only lasted for the remainder of the day. The mare had promised, under the effects of a spell, never to breathe a word to any pony about such a secret; under Equestrian law, that promise was null and void. Legal ramifications aside, if it was any other pony, they would easily stay true to their word. For the most fearful of ponies, waking up with such powerful knowledge would send her into a state where she feared the next words she spoke, would spill such precious words onto new ears...

Author's Note

1: trepidation, "a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen." I have no idea where this word came from. I simply wrote it into the sentence, as it came from my head, but I didn't know the definition! I literally had to look it up to see if the word fit. Fantastic!)

2: Softy pointed out that if you toss a sack full of bits at something, you can get it done immediately. Softy wants to think that the key was done very quickly by Cadence and Shining after the threesome. I'm not trying to offer facts to his story, just different perspectives. MY headcannon of alicorns are that they are devious, and meticulously plan out everything in advance. Key factors are the points that Celestia knew about Nightmare Moon, and planned out Twilight as a correction. Discord was more of a spur of the moment thing, but again she relied upon Twilight. I suspect she failed to stop the changeling Queen because of similar reasons, as if she planned for Twilight to fix it. I don't know for what nefarious purpose, but even then I like to think of the alicorns as goddesses. Rarity suspects she could have planned it out as a possible outcome. Another idea is that it was a gift planned out to Shining Armor from Cadence to show just how much she accepted her husband and sister-in-laws relationship, which then got passed on to Twilight. Think about it, and maybe even post your ideas. Anything COULD BE RIGHT!

Special thanks to Softy8088 for taking the time to edit this multiple times. More words more problems. I wasn't happy with certain errors pointed out or the easy corrections, so thanks a whole lot for working with me to get the chapter just how I wanted it. Some paragraphs were edited multiple for the perfect wording or grammatical correction.

Chapter 3: Spreading the News

Fluttershy had been pacing since waking up that morning. Terror gripped her chest, and she struggled to breathe. Angel Bunny stomped his foot in annoyance. He had still yet to be fed.

"Oh Angel, this is terrible! Yesterday we found out about Twilight's secret relationship, and we all promised to keep quiet... but it's all I can think about! She expects us not to tell any pony, but I don't think me and my big mouth can keep shut about it!" Fluttershy crumpled up into a mess of a pony. She was rudely pulled away from her doubts by a furious rabbit smacking her across the face.

With a sharp squeak, Fluttershy looked upon her favorite critter, and all her other woodland friends who were waiting for breakfast. With a short sigh she collected herself as best she could, and started going about her daily morning chores. "I'm sorry, Angel Bunny; I was so caught up in my own problems I forgot to feed you." Naturally, after pouring out the plain animal feed for the cottage residents, Fluttershy returned from the kitchen with a big bowl of the bunny's favorite morning treat. "Eat up, yum yum yum!"

Angel decided to be nice. Usually he let the timid mare know who was boss, sending his meal back for a remake at least once. This morning, however, whether it was due to how stressed Fluttershy was, or because he was just hungry enough to dig right in, he didn't bother with complaining about his meal. With the rabbit busy eating, the timid mare returned to her fretful pacing.

"What to do, what to do? I should probably talk it over with Twilight. I mean I don't know why I'm going crazy thinking about this now; everything was fine yesterday. What would our other friends think? Why can't I just stop thinking about it?!?" Fluttershy took a deep breath and squeaked out a very soft scream from her frustration. What was wrong with her?

Twilight Sparkle, in her deranged mental state, had never thoroughly read the spell she cast upon her friend. If she had, the magician would have known that it only lasted for the day. After the effects of the spell wore off, the subject would be assaulted with all the pent up feelings which were repressed. Given enough time in solitude, Fluttershy most likely would have recovered from the emotions wrecking havoc on her mind. Fate, however, had a much different road planned out for today.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Fluttershy's head snapped towards the door. Some pony was outside. She managed to yell just as loud as she had the past Nightmare Night, "GO AWAY, NO VISITORS WELCOME."

"Fluttershy... Ah gots problems with them gophers again," a southern accent spoke through the door. Fluttershy immediately identified the voice as her friend Applejack. With her teeth chattering, she tiptoed to the door and cracked it slightly.

"Oh... Applejack, it's... you. Could you come back later? I'm.... busy. If that's OK with you I mean." Fluttershy was very keen on being around no pony at all from now till forever, but she was never very good at turning a friend away. Applejack had bigger worries. With a quick hoof to the door, it opened wide, and she stepped inside.

"Naw, it ain't alright! Lissen here, yer lil' critters done moseyed up inta our corn field and tore it up with them burrows o' theirs. You need ta get 'em out peaceful like, 'fore me an Big Mac are forced ta wrassle 'em all up." AJ angrily spoke, expressing her concerns. They had something of an agreement: Fluttershy kept the woodland creatures from messing up the farm land, and the Apples didn't do anything to upset the homes and families of the animals that resided on their land. Naturally, whenever an issue cropped up they came to Fluttershy to deal with it first.

Having been confronted with another pony, Fluttershy couldn't hold it in. "Twilight has a secret! She's in a relationship with her brother!" After the outburst, her hooves came up and covered her mouth. Her face displayed a shocked expression, as if the words had come out without her bidding.

Applejack looked at her friend, not quite understanding. "Well, 'course she's in a relationship. Siblings are always close. Why me 'n Big Mac are like two peas in a pod. Ain't no separatin' us," the farmer commented, explaining her own closeness to her big brother.

Fluttershy shook her head, and continued with her explanation as if some unseen force compelled her to do so. "No, Applejack, I mean... adult kind of relationship," she said quietly through her hooves.

Understanding now, the farmer looked on in disbelief. Her eyes were slanted, as if she was confused, and still processing such information. "Yah mean ta tell me, Twi done gone and jumped in bed with her big bro? That's just stinkin' thinkin' Fluttershy. Where in Equestria would yah get a kooky idea like that?"

Having officially dropped the ball on the secret she promised to keep, Fluttershy set her fore-hooves back on the ground. With a sigh, she answered AJ's question, without ever looking up from the floor, and her hoof poking the baseboards. "Rainbow figured it out yesterday when she got back from Canterlot, and then Twilight confirmed it, going crazy like usual. Rarity was there too."

Applejack looked like she had seen a ghost. Her face was drained of color, her mouth slack with her jaw hanging down. Fluttershy looked up at her friend, after waiting for a response which never came. "Applejack...?"

Steeling herself with resolve and determination, Applejack's face regained its color, and a grimace took the place of her hanging jaw. "Well I think I'm due for a good ol' sit down with Twilight Sparkle," the farmer stated, while walking towards the door.

Fluttershy looked on in horror. She had just shared Twilight's secret with Applejack, who looked none too happy about the new found information. "Applejack, you can't let Twilight know you know! She's going to get all scared that you will hate her, and won't be her friend anymore!" Fluttershy pleaded, while trying to block the path of the earth pony.

Applejack simply walked around Fluttershy. "Too late fer that Fluttershy. I'ma give Twilight a piece 'o mah mind," and with those parting words, stepped out the door.

Panicking, the kind pegasus flew out the door, chasing after her friend, with the hopes that she could talk her out of confronting Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle was enjoying her morning. She was sitting at the table in the middle of the library, perusing the spell book she had used the day prior. Spike was in the kitchen cleaning up after their breakfast, and the two pets Peewee and Owlishious were roosted high above. It was at this serene moment that everything instantly went to Tartarus in a hand basket.

Breaking the tranquility of the morning was a mighty yell. With a running double buck, Applejack collided with the library entrance. Splintering off its hinges, the door went flying through the library, into the kitchen, where it collided with a very small dragon. The purple assistant gave a tiny yelp, as the wooden projectile smacked him in the back of the head, and then came to rest on top of his body.

Twilight Sparkle looked up just in time to see two orange hooves where the door used to be, and then followed the trajectory of the door to its final resting place. She observed a tiny purple dragon claw protruding from underneath, twitching in shock. The magical mare herself couldn't get a word out, as Applejack strode proudly inside the home. Peewee had fluttered down to check on his owner, as Owlishious' head spun a one-eighty to look down angrily at the farmer.

Ignoring the creepy eyes of the nocturnal bird, Applejack walked straight up to Twilight and looked her dead in the face. "Twi, we need ta talk."

Twilight groaned, and with a few quick thoughtless casting of spells, she levitated the library door and affixed it back upon its hinges. At the same time she cast an awakening spell on her assistant, who promptly sat up. "Ugh... did any pony catch the number on that cab?"

"AJ, what in Equestria are you doing, busting through my door at such an hour?!?" The librarian was beside herself with a mixture of anger and concern. Something had to be important for the farmer to burst into her abode, but she still could have had the decency to knock!

Spike had just managed to regain his footing, shaking off the effects of being knocked unconscious. "Twilight, what's AJ doing here?"

"I was just about to find out Spike. Please, tell me, what is so important that you had to barge in here?"

Applejack looked straight into Twilight Sparkle's eyes, and spoke firmly. "Ah know 'bout you and yer brother, Twi."

It was a look of complete understanding. The brilliant mind of Twilight was immediately sent into overtime, trying to connect the dots as to how she could have found out. Completely subconsciously, she cast a sound-proofing spell upon the library, and a sleep spell on her still unknowing assistant. Spike didn't see it coming before he fell over, and bumped his head again on the way down. Peewee fluttered about, checking on his unconscious owner again.

Not wanting to simply fess up, nor believeing that Applejack knew what it was that Twilight so feared, she feigned ignorance. With a bat of her eyelashes, and a more composed voice than ever before, she crossed her hooves and spoke as carefully as she could. "Why Applejack... I don't know what you are talking about. Me and my brother, what, exactly?"

"Yer ruttin' with yer brother ah mean."

Her composure shattered, her mind wanted to crawl back into her cage. Her mind, in overdrive, thought about the situation. 'This cannot be happening. It's not scientifically possible. This isn't scientifically possible!' Regaining her composure as much as she could under the circumstances, she managed to speak once more. "And how... would you get such a crazy idea as that Applejack?"

"Fluttershy."

'Buck me silly brother,' she thought to herself as her face collided with the table in front of her. 'It had to be Fluttershy.'

Taken aback by the mare's antics, Applejack looked on with concern. "Um, you OK, Twi?"

The librarian shot up in her seat and shouted at the top of her lungs to the ceiling, "NO! I am not OK. First, Rarity and Rainbow get all up in my face about MY business!" Hopping down from her chair, she started pacing circles around the table and the farmer. "Secondly, after promising to keep my secret, Fluttershy manages to tell YOU!" She stopped her pacing just in time to thrust a hoof into the orange mare's face. Continuing onwards with her speech, she began walking towards her friend in a threatening manner. "And finally, the BEST part of my morning, has you gallivanting around here like this is your place, wanting to talk to ME about MY BUSINESS!"

Applejack was the element of honesty. Regardless of how brutal her thoughts could be, it was all she could do but to speak the truth. At this very moment though, her thoughts were far from what she was going to say, and screaming at her to run. Backed into a corner by the most powerful unicorn alive, she thought silently that a forward approach was in fact, a bad idea. "Twilight... Yer scarin' me."

Snorting through her nose, she took only a single step back. "I don't give a damn horse apple if I'm scaring you at this point. You do NOT barge into MY home to talk to me about MY BUSINESS."

Fluttershy burst through the library door, and shut it gingerly behind her. Speaking at only slightly above a normal tone of voice, Fluttershy began begging Applejack again, "Applejack, you can't come in here!" It was all she could say before breaking into a coughing fit, and collapsing on the floor.

It was just what Twilight needed to be broken from her rage. Fluttershy, no matter what she said, was the kindest and gentlest of ponies, and she was lying on the floor coughing. With a sigh, she teleported a glass of water to Fluttershy, and levitated it to her mouth. "What are you doing here, Fluttershy?"

"Ah think she done chased me all the way from her cottage, Twi. Poor girl just couldn't keep up with this rodeo pony," Applejack answered, as Fluttershy daintily drained the glass.

"I'm so so sorry, Twilight! I mean I woke up this morning and all I could think about was our conversation yesterday and how I couldn't tell any pony. I just couldn't stop my big mouth!" Fluttershy cowered in fear, holding the glass out for Twilight to take. With a quick pop and shower of sparks, the glass returned to where it came.

"I guess that's my fault, Fluttershy. I was just re-reading the spell I cast upon you, and I was actually planning on visiting you to see how the after-effects were. I didn't expect you to have a visitor, but I can't blame you for telling Applejack," Twilight comforted her shy friend.

"But I promised, Twilight... not to tell any pony," Fluttershy responded quietly.

Twilight Sparkle, being the Princess' Prized Pupil, knew all of Equestrian law. Reciting from memory, "Any promise or contract made under the effects of mind altering magic is null and void." Smiling down at the vet, Twilight helped her to her hooves. "It's OK."

"If you say so Twilight." With a jump, "GOPHERS, I HAVE TO GO!" Fluttershy dashed out the library door, and shut it behind her. Twilight was left standing in place, wondering how much stranger the morning could get.

"What," a single word from the librarian pierced the silence of the library. "What just happened?"

"Well shoot, that's why ah was at the cottage in tha first place! Gophers done been tearing up mah farmland and ah thought Fluttershy could straighten 'em out."

"Well, that answers the question of how Fluttershy had a visitor in the morning." Turning around to face Applejack, her rage was apparent on her face yet again. "I am going to put Spike to bed, and make sure he gets a nice nap for our TALK. YOU will sit down at the table and wait for me to get back."

Audibly gulping, all the mare could do was to speak softly. "Yes, Ma'am."

Twilight Sparkle slid into the chair across from the chair where Applejack currently sat. She was wearing small reading glasses, and had her hooves crossed. Speaking eloquently, "I will now hear whatever it is you have to say."

The words cut the farmer like a knife. "I don't really know anymore, Twi... I mean I was so sure 'bout what I was going to say, but now..."

"I already had my greatest secret spilled out to three of my friends, who were accepting enough to allow me to go about MY business. Who or who I don't take to bed is not your concern. I have already gone crazy over this topic once, and despite your best efforts, I'm not going to freak out again. Now you are going to speak your mind, or else you will walk out of my home and never, never speak of this again." Twilight finished her speech and sat silently across from a now speechless Applejack.

"So what were you going to say? It's wrong? Nothing has ever felt so right to me. He's married? Cadence joined us on the bed. Please, let's hear your concerns about my relationship, as if it was any of your business." Twilight was getting impatient.

"Jealous." One word muttered from the orange mare sent Twilight into a state of confusion.

"Jealous? Jealous about what?"

"You and yer brother is what, Twi."

"Why are you jealous about me and my brother? That doesn't make any sense."

"Me an Big Mac... we, um... used ta do things too. But no more, and I'm jealous." Applejack spoke softly, but her words carried a huge weight.

Twilight was taken completely by surprise. Applejack and Big Mac? She wasn't one to deny he was one of the finest stallions in Ponyville, but she didn't know what to say to that. "So... if you are just jealous, why barge in here? I thought you were going to tell me off!"

"I want ya to tell me how ya did it! Big Mac and I stopped foolin' round long time ago, an I wanna know how you an yer bro kept it going!"

"This merited you charging into my place?" Twilight asked, still curious as to why the matter was so urgent. She took off her glasses. They weren't needed, but they were a great tool for looking important, or, in this case, frightening. She would have to remember to use them again next time her brother was overdue with a 'book'.

"I'm mighty sorry 'bout that, 'o course. I was just as excited as a filly with an apple fritter. If ya can tell me how yah did it, meybeh I can get my bro back inta bed with me. I tried dating an ruttin' other stallions, but no body makes me feel like he does, and ah miss it." Applejack looked sorrowful, and her face was as low as it could get.

Twilight got up and came around quickly. She had no idea about Applejack and Big Mac, but with the truth out in the open and her friend so upset, she quickly embraced her in a silent hug. "I know what you mean; no other pony makes me feel like my big brother. I'm just really lucky I guess, especially since his wife Cadence knows and let me join them as a family."

"So... what should I do, Twi?" Applejack looked up, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Just talk to him; tell him how you feel. It's important in a relationship that you communicate with one another. Have you ever talked to each other about why you stopped, or anything?"

"Well, no. Ah mean am I pretty Twilight? I thought if he wanted me he would just come up and take me, ya know? I never did tell him that I wanted him to. Shoot, guess all my problems are cuz he don't say much, and I'm too proud to say anything." Applejack smiled, and wiped away her tears.

"You know what Applejack? I think that's a great lesson for Princess Celestia," the student said with a smile.

"Whut. Ya want me ta write about mah relationship to my big brother? That's CRAZY!"

"No, no, silly, just that pride shouldn't stand in your way of happiness. I will even write it with you, if you want."

"Ah think that would be swell."

Twilight pulled out parchment and a quill, and sat down next to her friend. They had more in common with one another than they had ever known, and a nice sit down with writing a letter to their Princess lightened their moods greatly.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I learned a valuable lesson about the magic of friendship today. I learned that pride is a great thing to have, but you need to set it aside at times. Communicating your feelings and desires doesn't make you less of a mare, and you won't be happy in life if you let your pride stand between you talking about what's important and being seen as a independent pony.

Sincerely yours,

Applejack

Rolling up the letter and sealing it into a scroll, Twilight set it aside to be sent later. With a goodbye hug, Applejack started for the door. "Thanks for everything, Twi. It means a whole heap a deal to me."

"No problem, Applejack. Just have a nice talk with your brother, and I'm sure he will understand."

Final parting words, and the farmer slipped out the door. Twilight went back to enjoying her peaceful morning, and decided with everything that had happened, her assistant deserved to sleep in.

A pink mare darted through town, having only just missed being seen by Applejack coming from the library. She dashed into Sugar Cube Corner, and up the steps to her room. Having seen Fluttershy rush to the library caused her investigative instincts to take hold. No measly sound proofing was capable of stopping an ear thrust through a crack in a window to listen to the conversation. The new knowledge at hoof led her to the conclusion that it was time for a party. A party she had been planning for a very long time. Pulling out a briefcase from under her bed, she opened it up with a mischievous grin. The top document inside simply read: Code: Cupcakes.

Chapter 3.643921232: Intermission of Complete Randomness, aka DO NOT READ

Intermission: Because why not?

We interrupt your regular scheduled storyline for an update from universe .643921232. Picking up from where we had left off, the throne room of Princess Trollestia had just burst into a giant fireball.

"Well, this is somewhat warm," Princess Trollestia commented, as the flames consumed her surroundings. She kept her eyes shut to save them from drying out. Eye drops were annoying.

"I should say so, your highness."

Trollestia's eyes shot open, as she attempted to locate the voice which had just spoke. It was hard to see through the flames, but she could make out the distinct shapes of burnt ponies. Frustrated with the inability to see, she activated the sprinkler system, which was more teleporting a large quantity of water everywhere, then flipping a switch to actual sprinklers. The flames extinguished, Trollestia looked straight down, to find a remarkably unscathed Golden Shower. "Golden Shower... how are you not charcoal like the rest of the guards?" Trollestia asked, curious as to how he stood perfectly healthy, while the remainder of her throne room detail was smoldering ashes.

"I was coated in bodily fluids, your highness," he replied, with a slight bow.

"What bodily fluid would protect you from a raging inferno?"

"All of them."

Trollestia slunk as far back into her throne as she could. "By all of them, do you mean-"

Golden shower cut his ruler off short, "All of them."

Trollestia pondered for a moment on the implications of being covered in every bodily fluid imaginable. She shuddered to think of it, and tried desperately to clear it from her mind. "As you were Golden Shower, you are dismissed for the day, and so help me, if you report to me coated in... anything... ever again, you will beg for mercy."

Golden Shower bowed, and left. 'Finally', he thought to himself; it was way past time to finish up with Make It Rain.

The throne room having exploded into a giant fireball, the warning system for CODE: TARDY had been cut off. Every pony present promptly forgot it had ever been activated, as Princess Trollestia attempted to find any cheesecake not burnt or filled with glass.

The Very Next Day:

Pinkamena Diane Pie fled from the Ponyville Library. Her mind was ablaze with what she had overheard. Twilight was having sex with her brother, and she told all her other friends about it? All her friends, except Pinkamena. She dashed into Sugar Cube Corner, down the stairs, through the corridor, over the generator cables, under the nuclear waste pipeline, down the firepony pole, through the blast doors, in between realities, to finally arrive at her secret underground lair. It was a very nice underground lair, one made especially for moments like these.

"So Twilight doesn't need to tell Pinkamena her secret. Pinkamena isn't Twilight's friend then huh Gummy?" Pinkamena turned slowly to the 300ft tall alligator, that looked remarkably a lot like Godzilla. With her eyes darting about madly, she jumped into a hole, grabbed briefcase number 23,654 from the briefcase archives, and popped back out. The briefcase was labled: CODE: CUPCAKES Opening the briefcase, it contained a button. A single, big red button.

"No pony needs Pinkamena, no pony needs to tell Pinkamena their secrets, eh Gummyzilla? Then Pinkamena doesn't need them!" Slamming her hoof on top of the button, holes began opening all over Ponyville. Sugar Cube Corner itself split in half, the two sides parting on a mechanized track. Missiles began popping up out of these missile silo's, as a countdown clock appeared on screen. Looking at Gummy, she smiled and said, "I stashed missiles all over Ponyville, in-case of friends-don't-need-Pinkamena-anymore-emergencies. Grinning madly, she watched in silence as the count-down timer went from ten, to zero.

The thing about missiles is, they are intended to fly for a distance, and then impact a target. Having the missile silo's in Ponyville, and without any form of guidance system whatsoever, it would have been a miracle had even one struck a residence in which the pink mare's 'friends' resided. This isn't a miracle universe though. However, Chaos does tend to show signs of order, if you were to look. It was by such strange happenstance that every single one of Pinkamena's 127 missiles decided at random, all to target Canterlot.

Inside of Canterlot Castle, the alarms inside a smaller Princess' bedroom sprung to life.

"Nuclear launch detected. Nuclear launch detected," an alarm sounded, in a sensual female voice.

"Bwa...." the night mare mumbled in her bed. "We do not remember leaving Starcraft in the computer."

With a turn, Princess Lulu fell back to sleep.

Elsewhere in the castle, Princess Trollestia sat upon the charred remains of her throne. She pondered what a 'Nuclear launch' was, for all of about 30 seconds, before Canterlot disintegrated in a flash of pure light.

Sometime later, after the dust cleared and settled, the two sisters Princess Trollestia and Princess Lulu walked about the ruins of their once great city. Princess Trollestia gave a sharp gasp, as her hind hoof was grabbed. A stallion pulled himself out of the wreckage.

"Survivors my sister! Huzzah!" Lulu exclaimed happily.

"How have you survived the blast my subject? We have not found any others," Trollestia questioned.

"Honestly your highness, I'd really rather not say," the stallion replied.

Princess Trollestia identified the voice as Golden Shower. With a dreadful scream of terror and disgust, she let out a mighty "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

End!

Author's Note

I STILL regret nothing. Story for funzies. This is the last intermission for this story, but I had wanted to do one more. I don't think it is anywhere near as good as the first intermission, but I was sleep deprived and don't remember writing that one. Therefore the words still don't seem like my own, and I find it hilarious upon every read. I hope this intermission at least puts a simile on your face.

Chapter 4: A Complicated Party

A week had gone by without incident. Twilight Sparkle had, at the request of Spike, decided to venture out of her library today for a lunch with her friends. Following the confrontations with her respective friends, she had launched herself into her books, studying various topics. The decision was mostly a therapeutic one, and not based on any real desire to learn. Study relaxed and calmed the mare, and after last week's dealings, she needed some peace and quiet. Time had gone by quickly to her though, but not to Spike, who was tired of cleaning up after Twilight. He had made the rounds and gotten every-pony to go out together for lunch today.

Having been pushed out the door an hour early by her assistant, Twilight decided to take a walk around Ponyville. It had been a while since she breathed any fresh air, and she was beginning to enjoy the fragrances the wind carried with it. Smiling happy to herself she wandered through town, and then stopped abruptly. In front of her stood the restaurant, which was where she was to meet with her friends. Deciding that wandering aimlessly with no real destination and possibly losing track of time was a bad idea, she chose to get a seat outside. Almost immediately a waiter was at her table.

"Anything I can get for you ma'am?"

"Actually, sir, I am waiting for my friends... Could you possibly get a second table and four extra chairs here? I'm expecting 5 others."

The waiter scowled slightly but nodded.

"And I will take a small order of hay fries with a water while I wait." Twilight didn't want to seem like she didn't belong. The mare had read recently that taking up seats and tables without placing a order was rude, and the waiter's scowl had confirmed it. 'Best nibble on something while I wait anyway.'

The waiter brought out the table and chairs, making space for her 5 friends to sit and eat. Shortly later, while she was daydreaming about sweet nothings being whispered into her ear by a white stallion, the waiter brought out her hay fries and water, and left as abruptly as he came. Annoyed at being pulled out of her pleasant thoughts, she slowly picked at her appetizer, while she patiently waited for her friends to arrive.

Rarity was the first to show up, not much later after Twilight had received her hay fries. "Darling, what are you doing here so early?"

Twilight looked at her friend, who was dressed in a simple but elegant dress of purple and blue, with gems in the shape of her cutie mark covering her flank where her actual cutie mark would be. "To be honest, Spike shoved me out of the house and wouldn't let me back in, so I thought it would be best to just come and wait here. What about yourself, Rarity? What are you doing out here so early?"

"A lady like me is never early or late, Twilight; she arrives exactly when she means to. I thought it best to show up fashionably early and prepare our seating arrangements."

"This isn't some high society dinner party, Rarity. I doubt the arrangements need to be done up just so," Twilight said with a smirk. After a quick glance at the Ponyville Clock Tower, she added, "you didn't need to get here 15 minutes early to arrange the tables and chairs, and what I'm guessing is also going to be the napkin and silverware placement."

With a quick change of facial expressions from a gasp, scrunching her face up in anger, to a dejected sigh, Rarity sat down next to her friend. "I suppose you are correct, dear, but I do have a taste for more refined settings."

Patting Rarity on the back, the purple mare dismissed her trouble. "Rarity, I know you have refined tastes but consider the setting; it's just us girls getting together for an enjoyable lunch. Don't you think having everything done up 'just so' would ruin the experience of having a good time?"

As Rarity pouted, Fluttershy and Applejack approached. Fluttershy was the first to speak of the two. "Oh, hello girls," she said in a soft voice.

"How are you, Fluttershy? How have you been?" Twilight asked.

"I'm doing very well, Twilight. Thank you for your concern." Fluttershy and Applejack shared a quick glance and blush at one another, and just as quickly both actions were gone. Had Twilight not been looking at the two she would have missed it completely.

"I take it something happened?" Twilight asked inquisitively, curious about the actions the two mares had shared.

Applejack scrunched up her face and darted her eyes back and forth. "Nope, nothin' happened at all. Why, what makes you think anything happened?"

Having remembered her last conversation with the farmer, Twilight decided it was best to keep her mouth shut. Questions could be asked and answers wrung out if necessary, but in the privacy of one's home... away from ears that need not hear such delicate matters.

As the two new arrivals took to their seats, the Ponyville clock tower rang out the noon chimes. At the second ring, following a gust of wind that upset Rarity's hairstyle, Rainbow Dash appeared hovering above the group.

"Rainbow Dash..." Rarity said, her voice dripping with anger. "Could you perhaps make an entrance that does not upset my delicate mane?"

Rainbow snorted as she landed. "Please I was barely moving, I just didn't want to be late... although I see Pinks hasn't shown up yet. Must be finishing something up at Sugar Cube Corner."

The pegasus took her seat and all of them ordered some appetizers while they waited for their pink friend to arrive. They bide their time chatting about all the different things they had been doing all week. Rarity had made a new dress line which was going to be featured in Canterlot in a upcoming show, Rainbow had been practicing her tricks, Applejack mentioned that she had taken care of some personal issues which had turned out for the better, Fluttershy spoke of a similar topic, as well as her fuzzy friends, and Twilight reluctantly confirmed she had done nothing but study. They easily forgot about the passage of time, busy catching up with one another; but as the clock tower struck one, Rainbow looked around. "Guys... Where is Pinkie Pie?"

In Canterlot, Pinkie Pie was very, very busy. She had a party for a very special purpose to plan, and two of the guests of honor were being somewhat of a stubborn pain in her flank.

"Come on, Prince Shiny! You just gotta!" The pink party mare was on her knees, giving the white stallion the biggest, most teary eyed face she could muster.

Shining Armor however, wasn't so easily moved. She had shown up early that morning and while she had patiently waited during the various activities him and his wife had to perform, every free moment was exactly the same. "Pinkie Pie, please, my name is Shining. Furthermore, you haven't given me or my wife any information as to what this whole party you are trying to plan pertains to," Shining Armor scolded the party mare.

"But I can't tell you! Its a seeeeeeeeeeecret", she hissed, while squinting her eyes. Continuing with her previous statement, she added: "AND a Surprise! Its a super secret surprise!"

"Be that as it may, Pinkie Pie," Princess Cadence spoke, "we cannot simply abandon our duties in Canterlot, even for a day, especially for a super secret surprise party." Cadence ended her sentence with air quotes with the 'super secret surprise party.

Pinkie sighed in defeat. "Ok, I give. I'll tell you a teensy tiny little bit of it but you can't spoil it. I want to throw a party for Twilight, and the two of you. Our friends will be there too."

"What is this party for, Pinkie Pie? Why are we the guests of Honor?" Shining asked, suddenly intrigued as to why the three of them would be getting a party, raising an eyebrow.

Pinkie slitted her eyes yet again. "Seeeeeecret."

"So your plan is to what, exactly?" Cadence asked, beginning to get excited at the prospect of actually having a party which didn't involve Blueblood or some other snooty noble present.

"Ok, see, I need time to set up this super secret special awesome party, and I don't mind doing it at your house. That way you don't have to be bothered with needing to be out of Canterlot if some pesky royal emergencies pop up. BUT I need you two to be... absent long enough for me to set everything up and I can't have you walking in and spoiling the surprise so I thought you two could go to Ponyville and round up Twilight, Applejack, Dashie, Rarity, and Fluttershy." Pinkie exclaimed, and paused to catch her breath.

"You want us to leave Canterlot to go and pick up your friends and my sister, and then come back? How long are we going to be gone? How long is this going to take to set up?" Shining asked, mostly worried what state he was going to return to find his home in. Their 'royal duties' had simply been an excuse to get the party mare off their backs.

Pinkie Pie smiled, and pulled from nowhere a copy of the train schedule. "See, I took the late night train to get here, so I could talk to you in time for you to catch the one o'clock train to Ponyville, which will arrive thirty minutes later. At three thirty is a return train to Canterlot, which will arrive around four. At which point you simply come back home and BAM. Surprise party done up Pinkie Style!"

Shining sighed and looked at his wife. Pinkie Pie had been pestering the two of them all morning long, and both agreed silently that this was the best way to get rid of the pink party mare. After Cadence had shown Shining how to read her mind, they had quickly gotten the hang of communicating through their eyes alone. Cadence however, hid the emotions that would have conveyed her immense joy at the prospect of a party without her distant relatives or any other of the 'elite'. Being that all the other friends were involved and it was being thrown by Pinkie herself as a surprise, she had no idea what could be the premise of the party, but during the wedding she quickly learned that Pinkie Pie will be Pinkie Pie. She felt lucky that her husband decided to play along, and prayed silently that he would enjoy this little activity. Besides, she got to go see Twilight again, and so soon. Why shouldn't they both be happy?

"Do you know where our house is then?" Shining asked, in a last ditch effort to get out of this. The train to Ponyville left in a short amount of time. If they had to walk her back there, they wouldn't make the boarding call.

"Of course, silly, I knocked on your door this morning and everything!" Pinkie exclaimed, giving the two royal ponies a huge smile.

With a final defeated sigh, Shining Armor looked at his wife. "I guess we should head to the train station dear. I hope Twilight isn't too shocked to see us visiting her so soon."

"WHEEEE!" Pinkie yelled, bouncing in the air. Fireworks exploded behind her. "This is going to be the GREATEST PARTY EVER!" Landing on her hooves, she produced a hoof full of tickets for the Ponyville express.

"Where did you get those?" Shining asked, shocked by the mare's antics. "How did you do that? Wait, "Shining paused to count the tickets in the outstretched hoof; "NINE tickets? Why do wee need nine tickets?"

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Doesn't matter, you two have a train to catch!" Handing the tickets to Shining, the party mare dashed out of the palace.

"Coming sweetie?" the Prince asked his wife, hoping for a fleeting moment she would decide against such nonsense.

"Go on ahead, I'll meet you at the station." Cadence spread her wings and trotted to an open window. "I have an errand to run first."

"Very well. I'll see you shortly, my love."

With their momentary farewells, Shining Armor left for the train station as Princess Cadence left to run her errand.

Twilight Sparkle and her friends had paid for their appetizers, and had asked for their sandwiches to go. The five of them ate their daffodil and cucumber sandwich though, due to Rarity demand, pointing out that eating while walking was improper and uncouth. She had attempted a lecture of her friends on proper eutectic, but they had been inclined simply to block her out. As Applejack once put it, "there's fussy, and there's just plain gettin' on mah nerves." It had taken a short amount of time to order and receive their food to go, as well as more time to unpack and proceed to eat, and them more time still to pay for it all, but Sugar Cube Corner wasn't just next door and the mare's were beginning to get worried.

"I don't understand what could be keeping her. Spike said he personally round up every-pony for this lunch date," Twilight said with a frown, looking up in thought.

"Bout' that sugarcube, ah only got a note handed to be by Big Mac, tellin' me to show up at this place, at this time, else you wuz gonna go crazy again. Ah never saw the little guy," Applejack mentioned, with a shrug.

Twilight scrunched her face up in thought. "That means he could of just dropped a note off at Pinkie's too," the mare whispered, followed by a snort. "We should go and check on Pinkie, she probably didn't even get it."

Once the girls gathered their belongings, after leaving a tip, they made their way to Sugar Cube Corner. The walk was done mostly in silence, everypony having spoken their piece over lunch. It wasn't as long as it seemed before they arrived at the pink party mare's residence. Being a business as well as a home, there was no need to knock, and they walked right in.

"Hello, and welcome to Sugar Cube Corner!" Mr. Cake exclaimed, giving the usual greeting to customers. His head however, was under the counter, and he was unable to know the identities of the group that just walked in.

Twilight was the first to speak. "Mr. Cake, we were just looking for Pinkie Pie. She was supposed to meet us for lunch, but she never showed up."

The stallion stood up, and noticing his company for the first time, gave a slight frown. "Well girls, I don't know what to tell you. I haven't seen Pinkie since yesterday evening."

"Did she leave a note or make any mention of where she was going?" Twilight added.

With a shake of his head, "No, nothing. If I had to guess though, it is most likely party related. She asked for today off work almost a week ago. Didn't give a reason besides giving me that creepy look and hissing 'Seeeeeeeecret' as she usually does whenever a surprise party is in the works."

Twilight audibly gulped and looked to Applejack, who's face had gone pale. "Did ANYPONY mention ANYTHING to Pinkie about... things?" Twilight asked with a shudder.

The other mares all shook their heads no, and for a moment all was quiet. Twilight Sparkle's mind was working in over time, trying to connect the dots between Pinkie's absence, the revelations of the past week, what the party was about, and whom it was for. Given the circumstances, all she could think about was herself. 'Wait... we've been absent from the library for over an hour now...'

"Girls! TO THE LIBRARY!"

"That's your answer to everything!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, then followed her friends who had already darted out of the door.

Author's Note

Unedited as of yet. I'm sure 'someone' will pm me with edits on the fly, but having forgotten about this I will just add and say, 'not dead!' which pertains more to me than anything. If you keep up with the news, if it makes the news anymore, there has been some... interesting things going on where I am.

Chapter 1.643921232: Intermission

Intermission: Dedicated to CDR

The Doctor and Derpy were walking to breakfast. After a long day, and night of running from everything imaginable, it was time for some well deserved sustenance.

"So Doctor," Derpy started, her eyes askew, "You came from a different universe where everything was, different?"

"Indeed. I've no idea how my TARDIS got me here mind you, but I'm not going to complain. This place is BRILLIANT!" The Doctor chuckled to himself. Indeed the whole reason for traveling was to see things he had never seen before, and our dear Time Lord found one heck of a jackpot. Sure, he had been to parallel universes before, sometimes by accident, but they were always only a slight to moderate variation of his very own. Back when Gallifrey was at the height of power, traveling between them was child's play. He however, had never heard of any universe where the sentient races were talking ponies. Talking. Ponies. He laughed at that. He probably would never get used to the idea of wherever he had ended up.

"But Doctor," Derpy continued, her face now scrunched up and her eyes filled with a never before seen determination, "If you came here, doesn't that mean others can come to? Ponies who are, you know... not nice?"

"My dear Derpy, there is nothing to fear. The walls between parallel worlds are closed. That's how I have no idea how my TARDIS got me here, it shouldn't even be possible." Of course with The Doctor, he didn't feel he was having a good day until he did ten 'impossible' things. His TARDIS had a uncanny habit of doing the impossible as well.

"So how many of these different universes are there Doctor?" Derpy looked at him with a questioning gaze. Well, with one eye anyway, the other seemed to be doing whatever it is that it does, which was whatever it wanted.

"Infinite. There are an infinite number of different parallel worlds Derpy," The Doctor replied with a wink.

Derpy scrunched her face up in thought. An infinite number was a hard number to think about. The gray mare with a blond mane thought hard about it, but couldn't wrap her head around the concept. "Whats an infinite Doctor?" Derpy asked hopefully, seeking an answer her mind couldn't calculate.

"Billions, upon trillions of trillions of billions. The number of stars in the sky doesn't even come close. Literally, infinite means my dear companion, a number without end. It just keeps going and going." The Doctor smiled as he watched the face of dear Derpy slowly grasp the concept, fill her eyes with starlight, and put a grin on her face.

"That's a whole awful lot Doctor!"

"Indeed it is my dear Derpy," The Doctor simply replied, as they approached Sugar Cube Corner. Taking lead, he approached, opened the door to the shop and held it as a gentlepony would for a mare. "So whats for breakfast Derpy?"

Her eyes were still filled with brightness from grasping the concept of infinity. However The Doctor looked at her grin widen from ear to ear and her expression change to one that she showed often: Derpy had an idea. Had it been any other pony, they would have pulled out pillows, ducked for cover, or simply ran for the hills. The Doctor wasn't any other pony: He was The Doctor. A seemingly ageless god of Time and Space. It was moments like this that the Doctor lived for, seeing ordinary humans, or in this case, ponies, become something so much more. He looked on in anticipation, waiting for the seemingly clueless mare to come up with something; something brilliant. What happened next fell short, by a lot more than just a long shot.

"INFINITE MUFFINS," Derpy exclaimed, adamant to have every single muffin ever.

But The Doctor grinned. He learned to live for these moments too. Silliness, clumsiness, and a downright determination to do the impossible, even when she didn't understand how impossible it was, was so damn cute.

"Infinite muffins it is then. Allons-y!" The door to Sugar Cube Corner shut, and the street was left empty.

But this isn't about the Doctor and Derpy. The Knights of Time and Space. That's a story for a different day, if ever at all. The adventures of those two, across all of the cosmos? The Beginning of Time itself, all the way to the end of Equestria? This wordsmith is no where near capable of doing that story justice.

No, our, intermission takes us to one of those very universes The Doctor and Derpy spoke so briefly about. For all intents and purposes, I will label this universe .643921232. In a way, that doesn't do it justice. It's just a random number off the top of my head. At the same time though, a random sequence of numbers does this very universe a very great justice. For you see, this universe's laws were complete chaos. Discord was turned to stone for trying to bring order here, to put things in perspective. Our story continues where the previous chapter left off, in a situation almost identical to the one we just left. It would have been spot on had it not been for a cowering Rainbow Crash and a very angry Flutterassert.

I digress.

I could go on all day pointing out the other slight differences such as the fact that Twilight Sparkle was a slightly different shade of purple, or how the Ponyville library was a fossilized tree, but I have no interest in retelling events in a slightly different manner. Our story now takes us to the prissy pink walls of Canterlot Castle and the guard Golden Shower.

Yes it means exactly what you think. NO I will NOT be elaborating. What a pony does in the privacy of one's barracks, or in the middle of the Castle Guard Training Grounds with every other guard is his own business.

Golden Shower was running, as fast as his legs could carry him. He reeked of sweat and other bodily fluids which will not be named. What ever it was he was doing with Private Make It Rain was for only the two of them to know. He was angry, to be sure, having been interrupted by Wonderbolt Ensign Roid Rage; but it could not be helped. It was a matter of the utmost importance. Princess Trollestia MUST BE INFORMED.

Wonderbolt Ensign Roid Rage was brand new to the force, and as such was assigned a mundane tasking: Observe Twilight Sparkle and report any suspicious activities. After the incident involving a seemingly harmless Don't-Need-Anything-Want-Anything spell which turned the entire town of Ponyville into a oasis of what you or I would consider normal, in order to file a report on the Magic of Chaos to Princess Trollestia; a single Wonderbolt was on constant guard to ensure such order never again returned to the Solar Empire.

Golden Shower approached the throne room, and in what can best be described as a brilliant move of ballerina skill and prowess, pivoted on his right for-hoof, did a perfect 180 spin and connected both rear hooves to the throne doors, which fell straight down, crushing a pair of Griffin Emissaries who were unfortunate enough to be in the way of the giant falling doors. The guard on the right of the door pulled out a 10 card from seemingly nowhere, as the guard on the left shook his head and pulled out an 8.5.

The single stallion entered Her Royal Majesty Princess Trollestia's throne room, and belted out the exclamation as loud as he could.

"CODE: TARDY!!!"

Princess Trollestia spit out the banana she was deep throat-ing, in practice for the semi-weekly Sex Games Competition, having almost choked herself on it. Her bag of banana's were tossed carelessly onto the floor, scattering the contents everywhere. The banana's promptly exploded with confetti when they collided with anything non-pony. All that remained was the empty bag, and a formerly hidden Pinkie Pie Special bright blue double-ended dildo. Trollestia had greater concerns than her favorite toy laying on the dirty floor. Her majestic bright pink body stiffened as she gazed upon The Button.

The Button was just that, a great, big, threatening button which must not be pressed under any circumstances. It was the deepest shade of red, and was to her immediate right, sitting upon a pedestal made entirely of cheesecake (in case she got hungry). It was covered by a glass shell. She bemoaned for a moment, not wanting glass to get into her perfectly edible cheesecake, causing the entire tower to be inedible; but only for a moment. With the power, and might, befitting such a great dictator, she smashed the glass, shattering it, and pressed The Button in one single motion.

A great and powerful klaxon began to blare. Every window in the castle, even the stunning stained glass ones adorning her throne room, changed to purple, and a pulsing image of Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark could be seen flickering at random intervals. Guards began running about the palace, screaming in terror. One was later to be found in a puddle of his own excrement, having dropped dead of fear. At the moment though, true chaos reigned and the Princess was loving it.

"TO PONYVILLE! Sparkle must be stopped!" Princess Trollestia decreed, using the Royal Canterlot Voice.

It was immediately after her royal decree that the throne room simply exploded in to a giant fireball without a single warning.

Princess Trollestia would consider it the greatest day of her life for centuries to come.

Author's Note

I REGRET NOTHING!

This entire chapter is dedicated to CDR and his comment. I know I said maybe next time, but I think this works out great.

No pre-readers or editors for this chapter. It was all me, so I shoulder all blame for however horrible it is.

As for Softy8088's comment as to why it was labeled "mature," and why not change it, I think I can safely say it is now and forever to be marked as mature.

Seeing as how this story is based upon the one liner at the end of Complicated Relations, and how this chapter is based upon the one liner from CDR, I think it is in carrying on with the tradition of this story and therefore belongs in the storyline even though it barely has any relevance whatsoever. I just hope I don't get labeled as a writer of stories based on one liners.

And to be perfectly clear, this 'intermission' has nothing to do with the story A Very Complicated Situation. It is its own entity which is a one-shot based on the idea CODE: TARDY!!! by CDR. CODE: TARDY is based upon chapter one however, and therefore fit very loosely as a intermission. I simply didn't want to try to create a whole new story for what was essentially just a scarcely worded one-shot spin-off parody. To put your mind at ease, Have a brief preview of Chapter Two (not edited as of yet, contents subject to change)

"Rainbow!" Twilight's face shot up from the book she was skimming, eyes widening in a form of shock. "Language! You are not bucked," the sound of the book snapping shut cut the purple librarian off short. She had not realized she commanded the book to close, and the noise shocked her. "I told you, I'm going to fix it!" The book fell to the floor, no longer levitated with the spell-casters magic power, as her left eye unfocused on Rainbow Dash, growing larger than the other one.