Logs of a Pessimistic Realist

Life was a temporary plane of existence, everyone knew that. Hardly would anyone prefer to look at life in that manner, instead preferring to focus on the good aspects on your life, like when you went to your favorite restaurant and had a great meal. You savored the taste then, just as you did with life. That was supposed to be a given, but there are always exceptions to the rules.

Ronald was that exception.

Ronald bore the brunt of everything any child would dread. Feuding parents, low-family income, working at a low age, and most importantly, being a pessimistic realist. Earlier than most would find healthy, Ronald disconnected himself from the outside world. He stopped caring what others thought, stopped attempting in school, however one thing he thought he had given up hit him hard.

He had a crush on Marlenne Ortega. To him, seeing Marlenne's smiling face was the only thing that mattered to him. It was all that lit up his dark and stormy world, clouded with all the bad and none of the good humanity seemed to offer. That all changed in the fraction of a second, which brings Ronald to where he is now.

He stands in front of the now-bloodied body of Marlenne. Cuts line her now grotesque flesh, years of hopeful and happy thoughts turned to brute rage, carried through the vessel that was Ronald's right arm.

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Ronald took in heavy, uneven breaths as the reality of what he done slowly began to fill his mind. It had acted out just as he had feared. Marlenne refused him. Not only did she refuse him, but she... She mocked him. She humiliated him, laughed at him even. Now he could hear the voice clearly without the sound of his heart shattering in his ears...

"P-pfft! Y-you thought that you would have a chance with me? As if, you little freak! All you ever do is talk about how much life sucks, how much you wish you were dead! You might be good for a laugh here and there, but really, you thought I LIKED you? Bwahaha! Price-"

Marlenne's voice stopped there. By this time, Ronald had pulled the knife he always carried on him for self-defense out, and brandished it directly in front of her for only a second, and then sunk its jagged edge right into her neck, watching as her eyes went wide. She almost screamed, almost had time to release one last word, but Ronald would have none of it and only sunk the knife deeper, turning whatever she wanted to say into low-gurgles as blood gushed from her wound and mouth...

Ronald felt wetness roll down his cheek, the first time in years he had ever cried. No, he gave up crying a long time ago, after he had finally come to terms with the beatings. With the name callings, with the bullies, and with his parents. He quickly removed the lone tear from his face, now contemplating his next move.

There was nothing. No escape, no return, and no exit from what he had just done. If he left, he had left far too much of his own trace here, and they would find him. It might take them time, but eventually, they would. The only option he had lie right in his hand, just as it had only minutes ago when he needed a way to lash out at the pain.

The only way out, was of course the one he had been considering for years now. The exact same way out he had refrained from because of her, a waste of his precious energy. Ronald looked at the gore-covered knife in his hand, turning it around to examine it and his surroundings for one last time.

Taking a seat on the living room couch, Ronald closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief for once in what felt like years. He was finally going to end it. All the pain, all the suffering... Gone. He shuddered at the ecstasy just that statement brought. He thought about the few good things in his life, as he lifted the blade high.

The front door burst open, the new occupants Ronald was sure to be policemen, law-enforcers. He smiled, knowing he would not give them the chance to take him away, to make him rot in a cell. The knife came down on his own throat, the pain welcome because of what it was sure to bring. Ronald never opened his eyes as the Policemen ran where he currently resided, and slipped into a deep sleep.

Something was wrong. Everything should have stopped feeling. Why could he smell grass? Feel a.. a breeze on his face? Ronald's eyes jolted open in worry, assuming that they had somehow saved him, brought him back into his personal hell that was life. He was wrong.

Around him, all Ronald could see was trees. He was sitting in the middle of a clearing, sensing the nature around him as he realized with a sigh that he was once again, alive. Being a pessimist of course, he knew this as a cruel fact, but brought his hand to his neck regardless. There was no knife wound, no open cut, no blood, and not even a scar that he could feel.

"What in the god-damned FUCK!"

Ronald was mad. He had purposely ended his life to take him out of all the pain and suffering, to allow him eternal rest. Somehow, something had refused him the rest he so desperately craved. Something had kept him from dying, placing him in the ass-end of nowhere.

He checked his pockets quickly, and searched himself, ensuring he had nothing left on him. Nothing was found, infuriating Ronald even further. He got up angrily, marching up the the nearest tree and slamming it with his fists. He screamed at the absolute top of his lungs, which came out as more of a pained cry.

Everything that he had repressed for the good of furthering his progress with Marlenne rushed out, into the punches his newly bloodied knuckles were the forefront of. His scream was not one of anger, only of remorse at the time he wasted, and at what he had taken from everyone in his life.

It took him over a dozen minutes to finally regain his composure, finally falling back as the reality of everything rushed upon him. Funnily enough, he felt nothing besides the pain that now resided on his knuckles manifested into the blood that now began to pool around them. Taking a quick look down at his injury, he saw that they were bleeding badly, and he was sure at least one of them was broken.

Ronald smirked. He hoped he bleed out somehow, he hoped that he died before anyone found him. Then he could continue on his journey to his ever-lasting sleep, away from all the stress that accompanied his everyday life. The smirk turned into a smile, as his vision became lighter and lighter, on the verge of passing out.

"O-oh M-my!"

Ronald's smirk disappeared, and he almost instantaneously rolled to his front, pressing himself upward ready to charge at whoever dared interrupt his peaceful passing. His entire buildup was crushed as he was greeted, not by a worried person, but a concerned yet terrified looking yellow... Horse? No... It had wings... It was a pegasus! T-those were methodical! Yet... there in front of him sat this... Pegasus, now attempting to hide under its mane. Wait, if he had heard a voice, who had....

"I-I'm so sorry! I just heard something that sounded hurt so I came to look because I was worried and please don't eat me!"

Ronald's jaw dropped completely. The horse, the fucking pegasus had spoken! It spoke as it cried its eyes out, obviously worried for its own life. Eventually, the silent standoff ended as the butter-colored pegasus rose its head, looking him in the eyes, still terrified but now curious as to why it was not being attacked just yet.

Ronald was the first to break the silence.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

Ronald studied the pegasus with his eyes, trying to understand what was exactly happening. It had a pink mane, butter-yellow coat, large, almost weirdly large light teal eyes, and it was short, maybe three feet or less when standing on all fours. His jaw closed slowly, as he became confused with the horse. It had spoken before... Unless his pessimism had turned to insanity, in which case he was fucked regardless, so why not talk to it?

"Horse, you spoke earlier, can you do it again?"

The horse now looked at the human strangely, tilting its head slightly as it said something in its shy voice.

"O-of course I can talk... I've never seen something like you that could talk though... I'm a pony, not a horse, by the way..."

Ronald took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily, processing just that tidbit of information. As far as he knew and was concerned with, humanity had discovered all of the Earth at least near the beginning of the Age of Information. There was no possible way a hor-, pegasus would go unnoticed for so long, especially considering its unorthodox coloring and the fact that it was capable of fucking speech.

"I.. I am a human. I have never seen something like you before either... Guess that doesn't give me a reason to lash out at you, yet that is. Don't get comfortable around me, in fact if I were you I would make like a tree and get the fuck outta here."

The pegasus cringed slightly at his use of foul language, but responded regardless.

"B-but, you're hurt! Your hands are bleeding, look, the grass is practically stained in it!"

Ronald almost struck out at the pony for being so stupid, but checked himself realizing he probably would not be able to deal with killing an adorable quadruped on his conscience if it lasted for all of eternity following his suicide.

"That's good. It's a sign that soon I will die here. Which is exactly what I want. No leave me, pegasus."

The Pegasus's look of fear changed to one of a steely determination, almost instantly, which actually caused a slight pang of fear enter Roland's face for a split second.

"Now just wait a minute mister! What do you mean you want to die!? Well you can want it all you want, I won't allow it!"

The pegasus lightly, almost comically lightly, stomped the ground with her front hoof. Apparently this made the point clear, as it moved forward to examine his bloody knuckles, and Roland sighed lightly.

"This is gonna be one long fucking day..."