November 1st 2012, Thursday
I walked outside into the cool crisp morning, found a chair and placed it at the edge of my patio, sat down in it and in a long time... thought. Trying to get away from my problems, is not easy. I find it most interesting that someone that is a cold, lonely, empty, shell like me, still has felling's and emotions after what has transpired in my life.
Finding out my mother was sick with dementia a few months ago, which explains why she has been screaming, breaking things, assaulting family members, basically things she has never before done throughout her life. But today felt odd, like it was supposed to happen.
To some, the silence of this morning would be maddening, but to me, it was solitude. I leaned back on the chair and relaxed, or at least try to, waiting to hear a bird chirp, a owl 'hoo' or even a rustle in the grass. I crossed my arms and rested my head down on them then waited. Nothing. Perfect, just how I like it. Silence.
October 22nd, Tuesday
I woke up around 4:30 in the morning from hearing a something shatter and then a door slam 'Mom.' I thought. I got dressed as quickly as possible, put my shoes and gloves on, then sprinted out into the kitchen where the screaming came from. She stormed out of the house into the backyard, I chased her and heard her start yelling at the neighbors house about God and 2012, and yet again without pants, 'I shouldn't have shown her that on the T.V.' I thought.
I grabbed her by the shoulder and calmly said "Go inside and put pants on, it's gross and it's cold outside." Then she slapped me in the face, I didn't even blink and didn't let go, she screamed in my face, "DON'T TOUCH ME! YOUR NOT MY SON! YOUR EVIL!". She tried slapping me again... I grabbed her hand, twisted it, and dragged her inside while she was screaming at me and trying to scratch my arm, I took her, into her room, and locked the door from the outside.
Then, for the past 2 hours she was yelling, screaming, and trying to break her door down, I keeping my foot at the edge of the door, until she passed out on (I assume) the floor. I stood by her door with my foot keeping the door in place for about 30 minutes, then walked outside.
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I woke up, I've been sitting here 'dreaming' while steam rolled from my nostrils into the cool, cold, morning air for hours, maybe 2-3 hours. Sitting here, trying to push unwanted thoughts out of my head with success. I watched the sun rise, casting a pink-ish, red-ish, blue, then grey glow, 'Seems like rain, smells like it too.' I thought.
If someone were to be watching me they would have seen a statue like person with, pale like skin, dressed in a black long sleeved thermal under shirt, black thermal pants, white silk sport shorts with a blue stripe down each side (over the pants), a white under shirt (over the thermal shirt), white running shoe, black and white Nike crew cut socks, and Nike multi purpose gloves, black Oakley sport Fast Jacket sunglasses, with dark -almost black- brown fohawk hair. (Details much?)
I got up and went inside to make breakfast, but I stopped and felt my stomach 'Nothing, not hungry.' I walked past the kitchen heard foot steps, 'Dad.' I looked up and sure enough, "Hey son, I'm going to work now." he said to me, "Okay, I'm going to bed." I replied back.
"You didn't sleep last night or what?" he said.
'Why would you care?, all you do is go get drunk with your friends, and leave me here and you didn't even try to put me back into school!' I thought. "I'm tired." I responded.
"Alright, well, I'm going to work. I'm going to get off at around, 4:30 so I'll get home around 6:00 okay?" he told me.
'To drink with friends no doubt, the church is 30 minutes away from here.' I thought, "Okay." I said.
"Okay, I'll see you later okay?" he said while hugging me.
'Don't touch me liar.' *I thought, "Fine, bye." I said.*
He walked over to the front door and opened it, "Lock the door okay?" with that he walked out the door.
"Okay." I told him, with that he left. I closed the door then went to my room, and did my daily reading, praying, pushups, tricep pushups, sit-ups, crunches, stretches, till my body couldn't move (or about 2 hours).
I got up and looked at the time '9:38, I've been doing this longer than I thought.' I thought to myself, I started playing one of my favorite games before I went back to bed, Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders.
After playing Fable: The Lost Chapters, Fable II, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, for 30 minutes for each game to burn up left over adrenaline, I checked up on Facebook, 'No messages.' I thought, checked FIM/Fan fiction for M.L.P., 'Nothing new.', Youtube, nothing. *Sigh* Exhaustingly, I shut off my computer, went to my bed then laid there, and thought.
'I don't even watch M.L.P. anymore why do I watch it?
Because, I find it interesting that my niece enjoys the show, so I went to those sites to read enjoyable stories, that can help me get through these difficult times and I watch new episodes JUST to keep up with these stories.'
I sigh, asking and answering my own thoughts are one of the only things I can do to entertain myself. With my eyelids falling, I turn to on my side and pre-pare to go into a deep slumber unaware of what's to come.
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*In a Unknown Location*
"Hmmm... he's strong, obedient, faithful, smart, and he can be kind and loving heart, if he gets his emotions back." Said a echoing wise strange old male sounding voice in a vase white 'place'.
"He's just what this land needs," the 'voice' said.
"A hero."
