Rainbow Dash's Worst Pick-Up Line

by Clavier

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4792

Rainbow Dash comes up with a new pick-up line, but it doesn't seem to be landing

Rainbow Dash comes up with a new pick-up line, but it doesn't seem to be landing.

Published 2012-12-23 14:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 14:10:01 UTC

Rainbow Dash's Worst Pick-Up Line

Rainbow Dash’s Worst Pick-Up Line
by Clavier

“Hey baby, I know you’re not a pegasus, but I could make you really fly tonight!”

The other mare turned and raised an eyebrow. Rainbow widened her eyes and puffed her lips as suggestively as she could manage. The other looked her over, then folded her forehooves.

And burst out laughing.

“You tried that on me last week, Dash. Your memory is almost as bad as your pick-up lines!”

Rainbow frowned. “Did it work?”

The mare’s purple hoof poked her chest. It was so wonderful to be touched again, even if for a fleeting moment of mockery. Rainbow took a deep breath, reveling in the moment; at least, until the other mare inquired, “what do you think?”

She sulked and turned back to the bar, staring at her drink. Sullenly, she spit back, “well you don’t have to be mean about it.”

Her attitude didn’t seem to affect her would-be date, who just laughed some more, slapped some bits on the bar, and left. Rainbow downed the last swig of gin from her glass and slammed it on the bar. Nearly as soon as it hit, it was full again. She looked up at her friendly bartender with a sad grin.

“I like you, Whiskey Sour. You get me.” She took another sip. “Why couldn’t you be a mare?”

He rolled his eyes and blew a tuft of green hair from his face. “For the last time, the name’s Mike. And why is it that you’re not out on weather duty?”

She opened her mouth to answer with something cocky, but stopped. Her reason had just walked out the door. “Mind your own business,” she acerbically replied, downing the rest of her gin and dropping some bits in a swift, practiced action. She was out the door before he had a chance to respond.

As soon as she had stepped outside, she regretted it. The sun was high and bright, as it was wont to be in the early afternoon. She put a hoof over her eyes and squinted into the light, cursing the painfully bright auras which surrounded everything in town. But she was Rainbow Dash. She wasn’t afraid of anything. Certainly not sunlight. With a hoof in front of her eyes, she bravely took flight, setting forth into this bright world.

Although it was always great for her to be in the air, now she had to ignore the stares of wary onlookers. She was sure her flight wasn’t that crooked, after all.

She was already nearly out of town when she realized that she wasn’t alone. Gliding along beside her was Fluttershy, looking concerned but remaining silent. Not one to ignore a friend, she slid to a soft landing on a grassy hill just outside the last neighborhood, and waited for her friend to do the same.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy murmured, “how are you?”

It was clear that she knew the answer before she’d asked the question, but Rainbow lied anyway. “Super! Couldn’t be better! Practicing some new moves, gonna show ’em off to the Wonderbolts, everything’s great!”

Fluttershy nodded along, but it was perfectly clear that she didn’t believe a word that Rainbow was saying. Still, true to her kind nature, she didn’t press Rainbow for the truth. Instead, she was satisfied to sit quietly, watching the sky. And sit quietly they did. Fluttershy stared at the sky, and so Dash did the same. And they sat quietly.

Sitting quietly was not one of Rainbow’s strong suits. After an impressive forty-five seconds, she began to squirm.

“Don’t you ever just relax?” Fluttershy inquired. “I mean, except when you’re sleeping in the middle of the day.”

Rainbow didn’t answer, so they continued to sit in silence for another fifteen or twenty painful seconds.

“What does that cloud look like to you?” Fluttershy pointed a yellow hoof towards the sky.

After a moment’s glance, Rainbow answered simply, “Cumulus. Looks like Cloud Kicker’s not keeping up today.”

“No, no, no,” Fluttershy chided, “what does it really look like?”

Perplexed, Rainbow looked up again. It really did look like a cumulus. “Um… a stratocumulus? Sort of? No, I’m pretty sure it’s a run-of-the-mill cumulus.”

“I think it looks like a pony.”

“Huh?”

“See,” she pointed, “there’s her head, and there’s her tail…”

After a moment of squinting, Rainbow could see what Fluttershy was referring to. It was shaped sort of like an earth pony. “But she has two heads.”

Fluttershy chortled softly. “Maybe it’s two ponies close together.”

Whether this had been her intent was unclear, but Rainbow was feeling a bit better, laughing along with this odd game. “So close that they’re inside of each other?”

Fluttershy’s giggle barely escaped her hoof, which covered her brightly lit face.

This of course just made Dash’s laughter even stronger, and they both laughed together, as much at the clouds as at Fluttershy’s sensitivity to all matters sensual. Ponies inside other ponies? What a taboo concept! Dash laughed again, nearly falling over.

And then it clicked.

An idea so brilliant, no mare could resist.

A pick-up line so perfect, Rainbow could have her pick of anypony she wanted.

“Fluttershy, you’re brilliant!” she exclaimed, hugging her friend before bolting off into the sky.

This would take careful planning, but would be worth it. Cloud sculpting had never been her favorite course at Cloudsdale Flight School, but she was no slouch, and this endeavor was hardly art for art’s sake. She slammed through the door of her cloud home—quite literally, in fact—and began setting her plan into motion. She grabbed chunks of cloud from her walls to shape them, carefully molding tiny figures, and grumbling after each failed attempt.

This one was too lopsided, that one not feminine enough. This one’s mane was out of whack, the other’s tail off-kilter. Figure after figure flew from her improvisational workbench, none up to her rigorous standards.

It had to be suggestive, but not obvious; detailed, but not clearly pony-made; lewd, and not even the least bit romanticized. Puff after puff impacted the wall, seamlessly merging back into the home from which it had been removed, each of a slightly different shape, with different characters, positions, acts… until she had it.

Smiling, even blushing, at her own work, she set the prototype aside and burst through her door again, now heading for the headquarters of the Ponyville weather team. It was on the far opposite end of Ponyville, but Rainbow flew high enough that she could barely see the town. At her incredible speed, it was mere minutes before she was at its door.

It was unusual for a weather team headquarters to be on the ground, a Ponyville abnormality that had developed from the sheer convenience of the majority-earth-pony population having access to their local flyers. But this peculiarity was of great benefit to Rainbow Dash today, since the ground offered far more hiding places.

Hiding in a nearby tree, she watched ponies come and go, until she saw one carrying a bottle of Strato-Adhere, which she would need to replicate her sculpture at grand scale. Rainbow leapt from the tree and swooped down, snatching the bottle gingerly in her mouth and flying away in the blink of an eye. The poor schmuck probably saw nothing but a blur, and was still scratching his head over the sudden disappearance when Rainbow reached her home.

Her next task was to collect the material. That was easy enough, as nopony else in Ponyville was as good at wrangling clouds as she was. Starting from the hill where Fluttershy had first pointed out the pony-shaped cloud, she swept in a circular pattern, collecting every fragment she could and pooling them in the middle. Whether anypony noticed the hill-sized cloud growing on the outskirts of Ponyville, she would never know, but within twenty minutes, she had enough material to work with.

Then, she had to shape it. What she lacked in skill in this regard, she made up for in speed and resolve. An observer would have seen nothing more than a rainbow blur surrounding puffy white clouds, with bits of white flying out in all directions, but in fact she was carefully crafting every groove, every line, every feather of the wings, every papila on the tongues and every fine detail of all other relevant anatomy. Finished, she backed away to admire her work.

It really was a piece of art. Perhaps not something likely to be displayed in the Canterlot Museum of Modern Art, but that was more a matter of subject than quality. She didn’t have long to appreciate its intricacies for long before one of the tails began to melt into the other pony’s head. So she frantically flew about her creation again, this time, spraying it down with the Strato-Adhere.

And her setup was complete. All she needed was an unwitting volunteer.

She pondered on that for a while. This was too good to use on just anypony. It had to be somepony special. Really special. Somepony close to her, somepony she admired as a friend.

And, of course, somepony really cute.

“Fluttershy?” She knocked again.

It was only fair, after all. Fluttershy had given her the idea.

“Hello?”

A wise pony had once told her that friendship and dating don’t mix.

“Fluttershy? You home?”

But she had no intention of dating.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy’s voice came from behind her, but was far too soft and kind to startle. “I see you’re feeling better?”

Rainbow deftly avoided the rabbit running through her hooves and into the cottage as she replied. “Absolutely! You’re such a good friend.”

The gears in her mind were spinning at full speed now, as she planned how to accomplish her goals. It started with this simple conversation, but she’d already began walking slowly towards the hill where she’d left the cloud, knowing that Fluttershy would complacently follow along wherever she lead.

They talked about nothing in particular; Fluttershy dealing with persnickety snakes, Rainbow developing another aerial trick, and other such smalltalk. It didn’t take them long to reach the hill, as it wasn’t far. That’s when Rainbow prepared for the pounce.

“And y’know what, Fluttershy, you’re absolutely right! Even when I’m napping, I’m never really, really relaxed.”

“Um,” Fluttershy interjected, “that’s not exactly what I meant…”

“And y’know what else?”

“What?”

“Cloud watching can be a lot of fun!” She pointed into the sky. “Like, take a look at that cloud right there.”

Fluttershy looked up, and tilted her head slightly at the oddly-well-defined sight.

“Don’t you think it looks a bit like two ponies?” She nudged Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Y’know, two ponies doin’ it.”

Fluttershy turned bright red, and she adjusted her bearing such that her long pink mane partially obscured her embarrassment. “Oh, my… but they’re both mares.”

Rainbow slid up closer and put a wing over Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Yeah, they are. Maybe,” she whispered, her lips close enough to brush against her companion’s ear. “The clouds are trying to tell us something.”

Instantaneously, Fluttershy’s body turned tight. Her muscles tensed and her wings shook. She stammered something completely incomprehensible. “Y–y–y–y–r–r–r–r–r–”

“… Fluttershy?”

“D–d–d–d–d–d–t–t–t–t–”

Rainbow drooped and retracted her wing. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. “It was just a joke, Fluttershy,” she lied.

The apprehensive pegasus calmed somewhat, willing to believe, but clearly not finding it funny. “Oh, ha. Ha. Ha ha, Rainbow Dash. You got me. Anyway, I gotta go, I haven’t given Angel his dinner and the chickens need me and oops I think I hear my house burning down, bye!”

Rainbow Dash had never seen Fluttershy fly so fast. In a way, she was proud to have inspired such swiftness in a pony usually so ashamed of her poor speed and wing power.

In a way.

“Well. That was disappointing.” Rainbow sat on the hill, staring at her creation for a few minutes, deciding what to do next. It really would be a shame to waste it. And it’s not like it hadn’t worked, exactly… Fluttershy had just turned out to be a less-than-ideal choice. She needed to find somepony a bit less likely to break down under pressure. Maybe somepony strong-willed, somepony who would really buck back.

And, of course, somepony really cute.

With choice in mind, she stopped by her home again. It was barely more than a flythrough, weaving through one window, snatching a pillow and blanket, and then back out the other again. She flew over acres of trees, looking for a particular familiar sight.

Flying low, her keen vision could catch any detail. She could see the leaves rustling in the wind, the occasional meandering path dividing the fields, even Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle plotting something childishly nefarious from a secluded trail. Then her eye caught glimpse of what she was there for. A tree rustling unnaturally. A tree somepony had kicked.

She landed quickly and silently in a nearby tree, wrapping herself in her blanket and feigning to have been sleeping for hours. When she heard hoofsteps approaching, she adjusted her position to make a show of her landing.

Thud!

She fell to the ground and rubbed her head, expecting to be chastised by Applejack for sleeping in a Sweet Apple Acres tree. Hearing nothing, she looked up, then frowned poutily at who she saw.

“Big Macintosh?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Where’s your sister?”

He tilted his head.

“Thanks!”

She sped off in the indicated direction, and soon caught sight of her prey. Better yet, Applejack had a bag of apples near her that was neatly tied shut. Rainbow swooped down and swiped the bag, just slow enough for Applejack to see her and make chase.

“Hey, Dash, come back here you varmint!” And the race was on.

She weaved her way through the trees, keeping her pace such that her tail was barely out of Applejack’s reach. Flaunting her speed, she flew upside-down, munching lazily on one of the apples from the bag as Applejack nipped at her tail, barely missing at times. She mulled over the idea of simply letting Applejack catch her, but decided that that wouldn’t have quite the desired effect. When her hill came into view, she pretended not to notice it and bumped right into it, landing in a heap in the cool grass and giving Applejack easy opportunity to pounce.

And pounce she did.

“Alright, Dash, I got you now.” She pinned the pegasus’ hooves and glared, but wore a cocky smile that betrayed her true affection.

Rainbow laughed and tilted back her head, bringing her cloud into view. She almost blushed; it was even better upside-down. But this was no time to get flustered.

“OK, OK, you caught me. Hey, Applejack, take a look at that cloud.”

Cocking a brow, Applejack complied, looking up as well. “What about it?”

“Doesn’t it kinda look like two ponies?” She paused, watching Applejack’s expression.. “Y’know, two ponies doin’ it.”

Applejack rolled her eyes and laughed warmly. “Yeah, Ah suppose it does. Whew-ee, they’re really goin’ to town, too!”

“Maybe,” Rainbow suggested, rubbing a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder, “the clouds are trying to tell us something.”

Applejack looked down slowly, brows furrowed. Rainbow affected her best “bedroom eyes,” having no interest whatsoever in subtlety.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Rainbow was almost positive she was getting through, so started to lower her hoof, leaving Applejack’s shoulder and meandering down her flank.

And Applejack let out a hearty guffaw.

“Nice one, Rainbow. You almost had me. That’s a lot of setup for a prank like this!” She stepped off and grabbed her bag. “You make that yourself? Wow! You almost had me.”

She was already trotting away before Rainbow could react, and so Rainbow could do nothing but watch her quarry escape unassailed, cursing at each sway of the hips. “Damn!”

Now, of course, she’d settled into a comfortable pattern. Not only would this cloud not go to waste, but there were plenty of fish in the sea! Or, as it were, plenty of mares in Ponyville. If anything, these attempts only vindicated the potency of her pick-up line. She would have to try it on somepony more accustomed to being the recipient of flirtation. Somepony who knew the right moves, the dance of courtship.

And, of course, somepony really cute.

When “cute” went beyond “cute” to downright beautiful, there was one stand-out option. And she would certainly know the proper etiquette for responding to Rainbow’s advances. The only problem was that getting her out of her shop in the middle of the day would usually prove problematic.

“Good afternoon, Rainbow Dash. Fancy finding you here on the ground.”

“Rarity!” Rainbow nearly fell over from shock.

“You were expecting somepony else?”

Although she was still a bit spooked, so unaccustomed to being snuck up on, Rainbow managed to regain her composure, at least visibly. “No, it’s just… I wasn’t expecting anypony.”

“Well, I’m just looking for Sweetie Belle.” Rarity’s cheeks reddened slightly. In the mood Rainbow was in, it was hard not to notice how she glowed. “I’m supposed to be watching her, but I’m afraid she got away from me. Have you seen her?”

“She was with Apple Bloom at Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Ah,” she was clearly relieved, “she’ll be perfectly fine there, I’m sure. I suppose I’ll just let her play.”

With that, she sat, contentedly, next to Rainbow. When opportunity this perfect presented itself, Rainbow rarely refused it.

“Hey, Rarity, take a look at that cloud.”

She looked up, tracing the line of Rainbow’s hoof. “Mm-hmm?”

“Doesn’t it kinda look like two ponies? Two ponies, er, enjoying each others’ company?”

Rarity turned a bit red again. “I suppose it does at that,” she giggled.

“Maybe,” Rainbow breathed, putting a wing over Rarity’s shoulder, “the clouds are trying to tell us something.”

It took a moment to sink in, and Rainbow patiently waited. When it did, Rarity gasped ever so slightly, and turned to face her pursuer. “Rainbow…”

“Yes, Rarity?”

She took a step away, and turned to face Dash directly. “I had no idea…”

“No idea?”

She put a hoof on Rainbow’s chest. Rainbow felt her heart beat faster at the touch, the promise of much more. “No idea you felt this way…”

“F–felt?” Rainbow stammered in reply.

“I had always hoped to see a Rainbow Dash capable of such deep, true emotion.” Her hoof reached rainbow’s cheek, which was involuntarily turning a bit warm.

“Emotion?” Rainbow squeaked, her voice cracking and barely audible.

Rarity pulled her into a tight hug. “Rainbow, I love you.”

A voice inside her head screamed at her. “Abort!” it cried, “Abort mission! Critical miscalculation! Disaster imminent! Evacuate! Flee!” But her wings refused to budge.

“But, I love you as a friend.”

A wave of relief washed over her. She was actually crying with joy. Pulling away, Rarity wiped away a tear, giving a small frown.

“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. I… I do hope we can still be friends?”

Now feigning sadness, she nodded slightly, staring at her hooves.

“Rainbow, somewhere out there there’s a perfect mare for you, you know,” Rarity reassured. “She’s just… not me.”

Rainbow nodded again.

“You’ll be alright, yes?”

She looked up, doing her best to imitate a pony whose heart had just been crushed. She felt her sad smile was spot-on, and Rarity was obviously willing to believe it. She nodded once more.

Rarity gave another swift hug, then beat a hasty retreat. As soon as she’d hit the treeline, Rainbow fell to the ground and let out a long sigh of relief.

“OK, no more romantic types. That was weird.”

This was starting to feel a bit predictable, but Rainbow wasn’t one to give up easily. Since the romantic type had gone horribly awry, perhaps the analytical type would do. Somepony smart, who probably doesn’t make such a big deal out of relationships. Somepony who’s clever and enthusiastic, and not afraid of new experiences.

And, of course, somepony really cute.

“She’s not in.”

“Ugh!” Rainbow groaned, “when will she be back?”

Spike shrugged and sighed sorely. “Could be all day, you know how the princess can be.”

“Yeah, thanks anyway.” Rainbow turned to leave.

“But if you want to talk, I’m always–” The door slammed on his little purple snout before he could finish the sentence. “–free.”

Rainbow trotted back down the path, deep in thought. Golden Harvest? Maybe… but she was usually hard to track down. Roma? Rainbow looked up, concluding that it would be best to think about this while not in the middle of the market.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash, what’cha doin’?”

Rainbow Dash was now sufficiently accustomed to Pinkie Pie’s unexpected drop-ins that she wasn’t even surprised to see the bouncing pink pony at her side, even though she’d been alone mere seconds earlier.

“Just lookin’ for somepony.”

“Who? You know I’m friends with everypony, I’m sure I can find ’em lickety-split!”

“No,” Rainbow laughed, “nopony in particular, just somepony.”

“Well I’m somepony!” Pinkie chirped, skipping jubilantly in circles.

It was true. She was somepony. Somepony… energetic. And hardly a sore sight for weary eyes, either.

Rainbow stopped, carefully analyzing just what she was proposing to herself. Pinkie Pie? Really?

Yes. Really. Somepony fun-loving was exactly what she needed!

She changed her route, heading towards the edge of town. Pinkie, naturally, skipped merrily along, giving polite hellos to everypony they met on the way. Sometimes, leading ponies along was almost too easy.

When they arrived at the hill, Rainbow Dash sat down and looked at the sky, and Pinkie continued skipping in joyous circles around her. After a few minutes of hoping, in vain, that the animated pony would stop on her own, Rainbow grabbed her body and pulled her to the ground. With Pinkie subdued, somewhat, she pointed up at her cloud.

“Pinkie. Look at that cloud.”

She looked up.

“Doesn’t it kinda look like–”

Pinkie gasped, her eyes wide, and nodded. “You’re right!”

“Maybe,” Rainbow cockily replied, pushing herself closer. “The clouds are trying to tell us something.”

“But ponies are vegetarians, silly!”

“I…” Rainbow stopped mid-sentence, flabbergasted. “What?”

Pinkie pointed at the cloud. “See, there’s a bear, and he just caught a biiiig fish.”

“That, um, that’s not…”

“And he’s slobbering all over it, grrrr.” She made a silly face, trying to imitate a growling bear but landing somewhere nearer a hissing clown.

“Well, Pinkie, I was thinking it looked more like–”

“And the fish is squirming and slapping her tail on the bear’s snout, see!”

“Pinkie,” Rainbow was raising her voice now, “I really think it looks–”

“But oh no, that poor fish, what did she ever–”

Rainbow grabbed Pinkie by both cheeks, stared her down and hollered, “Pinkie Pie! Sex!”

They paused for a moment like that, Rainbow nearly hyperventilating and Pinkie her usual, bubbly self. She scratched her head—not an easy action with Rainbow’s hooves in the way—and pursed her lips.

“Don’t be silly,” she finally replied, plainly, “bears and fish can’t mate!”

Rainbow let go, defeated.

“Unless…” Pinkie’s eyes went wide, and various body parts twitched in odd patterns. Her tail curled, her ears flopped and her eyelids blinked, winked, and fluttered. After a moment of this odd display, she screeched, “mer-bears!” and ran off, screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow droned to the receding trail of dust, “you are so random.”

This was starting to seem like altogether a poorly-planned idea. But Rainbow Dash wasn’t a quitter. She wouldn’t give up without her prize. She hyped herself up for her next foray into town, repeating to herself a mantra that her precious cloud was just one step from reality. She stared at it, eyes narrowed, licking her lips, preparing for the hunt.

And her prey came to her. Twilight trotted up with her usual friendly demeanor. “Hi, Rainbow Dash. Spike told me you were looking for me?”

Thinking fast, Dash opted to act casual. “Oh, sorry, it was nothing.” She looked up at her cloud intently enough that she hoped her gaze alone would attract the unicorn’s attention. Owing to Twilight’s natural curiosity, it did, and she sat by her friend’s side and looked into the sky.

“What are we looking at?”

“You see that cloud?” Rainbow asked, doing her best to be subtle.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you think it kinda looks like two ponies?” She nudged Twilight’s shoulder. “Y’know, two ponies doin’ it?”

Twilight’s expression changed, but not as Dash had expected. She bore a wide grin and nodded vigorously. “That’s amazing, Rainbow Dash! The resemblance is uncanny!”

“Uh… resemblance?”

In a flash of magenta light, a scroll appeared in front of the pair, and unrolled magically. Twilight held it up to the sky and quickly placed it and retracted it from obstructing the cloud. “Don’t you see?”

“… yes? No? Maybe?” Rainbow scratched her head.

“It’s a perfect cloud facsimile of the constellation Sapphus Mannis! Down to the twist in Starbride’s tail!”

“Oh.” Rainbow scrambled for a recovery. “Well, maybe that’s because–”

“In fact,” Twilight interjected excitedly, “from this vantage point, I dare say…” She magically materialized a compass and several other pieces of equipment that Rainbow couldn’t identify.

“Twilight?”

“Yes, look, it’s almost exactly at the same place in the sky as the constellation will be at night!”

“Twi, wait, I–”

“It’s only too bad that the cloud will have dissolved by then, I’m sure that if it were highlighted by the constellation, it would be an incredible sight!”

“OK, Twi, that’s exciting and all, but–”

“Ooh! Ooh! I think I know the right spell! Oh, but Luna would probably get mad at me if I went and made it night in a localized area without her permission…”

“Twilight! Hello! Equestria to Twilight!”

“So maybe I need a spell to make the cloud last longer, that would do the trick! I don’t know a spell like that… I guess I’ll have to work fast!” She and all of her equipment vanished in a flash, leaving Rainbow to puzzledly consider what had just transpired. Her plan seemed to be coming apart at the seams.

She didn’t see Twilight again, but she did see plenty of other mares.

“Ha, yeah, I think the clouds are suggesting something. They’re suggesting that you’re so hard-up you’re desperate.”

“Nice try, weirdo.”

“Um, no?”

“What, you thought that would work after your stupid ‘make you fly tonight’ come-on earlier?”

“Yeah, I’m not buying.”

“Absolutely, let me just dash home and get my whips and gags!”

By the time dusk had begun, Rainbow had resigned herself to the failure of her little stunt. Worse yet, she had to destroy her perfect sculpture, as allowing it to remain long enough for, say, some innocent fillies to see it while playing in the grass would probably have unexpected consequences.

She circled around it, unwilling to put an end to such a marvelous piece of art. She excused her procrastination by pretending to decide the best mode of attack. It was nearly dark by the time she began, languidly tugging at an ear.

“Hiya, Rainbow Dash! What’cha doin’?” It was a familiar, if unexpected, voice.

“Oh, hey, Derpy,” Rainbow sullenly mumbled. “Just clearin’ out this cloud.”

“But it’s such a pretty cloud!” Derpy replied, somewhat incensed.

Although Rainbow had grown weary of this whole concept, she still knew an opening when she saw one. Still, she spoke in a drab monotone. “Hey, Derpy, don’t you think that cloud kinda looks like two ponies having sex?”

Derpy tilted her head and squinted, clearly putting great effort into focusing her eyes. They didn’t focus at all, one drifting aside with a mind of its own. “No, silly!” she eventually chirped back.

Now truly defeated, Rainbow plopped down onto the cloud, sprawled lethargically over one pony’s head.

“It looks like four ponies having sex!”

She coughed and sputtered for a moment, trying to regain her composure. “Do you– do you think that maybe the clouds are trying to tell us something?” Derpy’s response had been so unexpected, Rainbow’s question was completely in earnest.

Derpy swooped down, somewhat haphazardly, and crash-landed right on top of Rainbow, straddling her in all four hooves. Their noses touched, and Derpy’s eyes were straight and focused, with surprising intensity. Her lips were curled into a coy grin as crooked as her eyes usually were.

“But where are we gonna find two more mares?”

In the end, it was a good night for Rainbow Dash.

In the end, it was a good night for Derpy Hooves as well.

~fin~

Author's Note

Cover image by geekywebman, used with permission. Thanks to Jackie for prereading.