The Symphony of the Soul

by Leoheartxx2

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Octavia
Length: 5829

It was meant to be the finale of the century, your piano piece has earn awe from fans far and wide, but then a everything change when a mare's solo performance stole the spotlight. She was Octavia, your arch rival to fame, but fate has another p

In the struggle for fame and glory, your skills in piano has brought you far and wide. But only one mare stood in between you and your goal. Octavia, know for her musical talent with her cello was your final challenge to fame. But one night in a duet with her, you started feeling strange. Given time, you knew that you had fallen for her. Would you stay strong in your will for fame and glory? or will you give in into the symphony of her soul?

( The following fic are more toward antro's rather than ponies. Common description like gender will follow those of the show ; etc mare, stallion, colts )

Published 2013-01-02 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-02 19:20:02 UTC

Our Musical Finale

( A special thanks for Commentator for his help in editing and fixing this fic :D )

The sound of hands clapping and voice cheering ignites your passion as you press each keys in symphony to the piece of your music. It's just you, your skills and your piano. In front of crowd of thousands , cheering you on as you display your musical skill to the fullest. You feel your hand starting to tire out, but deep inside you feel the urge to push on, to give the crowds a show they will never forget.

Sweat pours from the fur of your hands, and the heat in your suit is starting to become unbearable. But your eyes remained focused on the papers of music score in front, not daring to look anywhere else. Soon enough, the musical piece you were playing comes to an end. With a breath of relief, you stood up, then turned around to face the crowds who came to watch your performance. Exhausted but content, you take a slow bow towards the audience, their cheers fuel your feeling of satisfaction further. You draw a humble smile , knowing that you have done your best.

Your feet felt weak, but you carefully stride from your piano and into the cover of the curtains. Your performance has come to an end, but you ears still hear the cheers of your fans. They scream your name loud and clear , and it echos throughout backstage as you retreat to your private seat for a well earn rest. As you descent down the small flight of stairs, you were greeted by your event manager, his smile so wide you swear it's touching the ends of his ears.

" GREAT WORK OUT THERE! And it's the best performance you've ever did over the years! " His glee was somehow obnoxious , but then again who wouldn't after such a display of skill and talent. You stood silently has he continued to praise you. But as soon as your performance ends, another starts anew.

An hour has passed, so does the event of the night, drawing close to an end. You sat in your chair, eyes locked onto a TV screen as you watch the remaining performance of other fellow musicians that have come to display their musical talent. Many too, did their best, but they pale in comparison to your performance. You slowly sip a glass of red wine from the comfort of your own private cabin. Assorted fruits on the table lay untouched, your mind fixed to the TV screen.

The only thing on your mind right now is the last performance and the mare that will be the next center of attention for tonight. Octavia. Her name was all too familiar. Anypony would know who she is: the cello playing prodigy. She has earned her place in the spotlight in her younger years, her first performance took Equestria by storm. Her talent was the envy of many and her skills was a sight to behold. You close your eyes for a moment. Will you be better than her? Will your piano skill be enough to surpass her skills? Your eyes open moments later, just in time as a familiar mare takes to the stage for her turn.

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Days passed like hours. You could still remember that night, the night where you saw her perform. As expected, Octavia took the stage like it was her own. You sworn the cheer from the crowds was louder, more intense and with more vigor. Her symphony was flawless. Every tune was like the resonance of her heart. Each stroke of her cello was like the burning passion of her soul. Her performance was like no other. For a moment there, she reminded you of your tutor's last advice before your skill was ready for the standards of the entertainment world.

" Play with your soul set ablaze, your spirit burn asunder. Let the spark of your passion light up, and audiences from far and wide will hear your symphony...

You hold a piece of mint-flavored chocolate between your teeth, slowly savoring the flavor with every passing moment. A warm cup of tea sits quietly on the table where you were earlier, steam rising slowly from the edge of the cup. The fireplace glows with an intense fire, warm and bright from the burning log which you placed earlier to warm the room. It was raining all morning, and the cold really bit deep into the bone. So much for fur.

" There's mail for you, sire. " A small voice spoke from the corner of the room. Your heart skipped a beat, the mint chocolate nearly falling out of your mouth.

" ... Bring it to my room. " Your fingers release the red button on the small speakers, ending your speech. Moment later your butler enters the room, a small package in his hand, ready to be delivered to it's intended receiver. You walk over to take the package, a small knife in hand ready to cut it open and reveal it's content.

Your hands carefully guide the knife as it cuts open the package. A few turns here and there later, your eyes set upon pair of velvet gloves and a red rose ring. At the bottom of the package lay a pink card, carefully sealed with a red ribbon. Removing the ribbon, you open the card, and read.

" Congratulations on your performance last week. Seems like you have improved a lot since the last time I saw you. But it's not all I bring to you. In this package you will see a pair of velvet gloves and a red rose ring. Those things are your ticket to fame. How? Your're going perform at Canterlot next week! Apparently the Princess has plans to throw a ball and you've been chosen! How splendid is that?! And it doesn't end there. You will also be doing a duet! I don't know who else will be performing with you, but heck! Anypony should be considered lucky to be able to be a part of a duet with you! Anyway, your session will begin next week from now. So be prepared and remember...HAVE FUN!

~From your faithful Tutor

A smirk crept across your face. You tossed the letter onto the table and walked towards the window, looking outside. The rain earlier had stopped, and the clouds were clearing up. Your hands momentarily covered your face, trying to hide(albeit poorly) your joy and glee. Yes! At last! All my hard work has paid off! And soon I'll be the pony and musician of the century! I am finally this close to reach fame and glory! YEEEEEESSSSSS!!!! . You jump in glee, your butler just stood aside smiling, knowing your success and achievement. A chance to perform as part of Canterlot's finest orchestra, the thought of which made you jump with excitement.

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You press the keys of your piano with dexterity and swiftness, not a note out of place. You decided to practice alone while the others were having their meals with the Princess next room. You play each key softly, hoping that nopony would hear you. The music piece you decided to play was Sonata in B.minor by Franz Listz. A classic but golden piece of work by one of the many great composers of the ages.The room was dark, but it had decent lighting from the moonlight shining in from the windows above the room. You continued to practice, unaware of a mysterious figure that had quietly entered the room.

" Sonata in B.Minor... I presume? " You immediately stop playing the piano as the mysterious figure got your attention with a few slow claps.

" You know the music piece's name. I assume that you're some pony of high musical interest. " You spin around to face the mysterious figure.

" Perhaps I am. But to be more precise...." The mysterious figure stepped into a part of the room where the moonlight was shining in brightly, revealing the slim figure of a mare, clothed in a black dress. As she stepped closer, the light reveals a pink bow tie on her neck, her dress glitters brightly under the moonlight. She stopped once her face was fully revealed under the bright moonlight. " I'm Octavia."

You nearly fell off your chair as soon as her name reaches your ears. You manage to catch the side of your piano, but you hear her giggle as she walks closer to you. Octavia! What is she doing here? You place yourself back on the chair, trying to remain at your best composure.

The sight of her in those dresses alone was enticing. Under the moonlight, her slim body figure and silky mane makes your heart skipped a beat. With the addition of the pink bow tie, she is simply drop-dead gorgeous. Your nose picks up a fragrance from her as she walks closer to you. Perfume? No. You know that smell all too well. A 47' Le'Gutre cologne. Classy. You were too enticed to notice her hands waving in front of your face, but you finally snap out of your state

" S-sorry about that. I wasn't paying attention." You clear your throat. She drew a sly smile across her face.

" I heard you're the one performing for the ball tonight. Congratulations. " She praises you. Although your ears are used to hearing those words, but her's was somehow , meaningful.

" Yeah, but I'm still wondering who's my partner for tonight's duet. If I knew at least a name, it would really help a lot. " You close the case of the piano keys. You stand up from your chair to properly face the magnificent lady in front of you.

" Hmmm...how about you take a wild guess. " She smiles cutely at you. She then walks to the other side of the piano, where the moonlight shone more brightly. You immediately saw a pair of velvet gloves that she's wearing. A bright sparkle from a red rose ring from her right hand catches your attention. Under the brighter light, you see her as clear as day, and that's not all you see. Her fair eyes catches yours, and her complexion makes you smile. You felt your heart beat faster, your face blushing slightly.

" Y-you can't be serious. I'm ha-having a duet with y- " She place her fingers between your lips. She shakes her head, hinting you not to finish your sentence. You nod.

" It's nearly time don't you think? " You hold her hands as she was about to leave. Being a gentlecolt and all, you bow your head and kissed her finger. A small laugh escaped her mouth.

" Would the lady like company? " Her hands still in yours.

" It would be my pleasure." she wraps her arms in you almost immediately. Your face blushes furiously, but you manage to muster all your might to hide it as you escort Octavia out.

" Do you think you could keep up with me? It would be a shame if one of us plays a little slower than the other." You sense a challenge coming from her words.

" Is that a challenge m'lady? " You calmly comply.

" Perhaps. Perhaps not. " She giggles a little. You look at her again, her face clearly taunting you.

" Very well then. We shall see when the curtain unfolds."

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It's freezing cold outside. Even as you sit down on your comfortable yet lavish chair near the fireplace, you could still feel the cold touch of winter. It's been a week after your performance at Canterlot Castle, but you remember it like it was yesterday.

Your memories flash back as clear as crystal. You remember the performance, the air and tension as you perform your best for the crowds of hundreds.Oh, and the cheers that rang in your ears. But most importantly, you remember her. Your duet partner, the cello-playing prodigy. Octavia.

As you play your part at the piano, time seemed to slow down as your eyes transfixed onto her. The elegant, lady-like figure and the smoothness of her mane. With every stroke of the bow, her symphony of her cello allured you. Your soul swayed to every note of her cello, and for once, you felt something different. A deep warmth enveloped your body, and with every passing second you performed with Octavia, it grew warmer. As if it demanded the need for more. It hungered for her music. It needed to feel her.

You lay your head back to the headrest of your couch and let the memories play over and over again in your head. Never wanting to stop, never wanting to end, never wanting the music to end. The image of Octavia is stuck in your head for the longest time you could remember. At times you would give yourself a mental facepalm for letting your imagination get a little too wild.[i/i]

You would sometime envision the smooth grey coat of her body as her black silk dress slowly falls off her body. Her body would lure you towards her, feeling the need to touch that majestic figure and enjoy every moment of it, caressing her sensitive parts and hear her moans of pleasure. She would wrap her arms against your body, demanding your every attention and the warmth of your body will further excite her. And then you would gently slip your hands from her chest down to her hips and...

" WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! Dagnabbit! I really need to stop myself there." You heaved a sigh. You bury your face in the palm of your hands, expressing your frustration. To make it worse, your erect member isn't making things more comfortable with your tight trousers. You adjust your pants to make things a little more comfortable, at least until your sex isn't aroused by your dirty imagination.

Once again, you lay down on your chair and enjoyed the warmth of the fireplace, while you closed your eyes and let your memories from the performance last week replay over and over in your head again. But as soon you got all relaxed in your chair, you hear a series of knocks from your front door. You remembered that your servants are on a week holiday, so you reluctantly get out from your chair and proceeded to the front door, Luckily, the front door is just a few feet from the room you were in. You look outside through your window, trying to get a visual of whom might it be. Unfortunately the cold had already fogged up the window. Unable to get a visual, you decided it's just best for you to get the door. Besides, it's not wise to leave your guest waiting outside in the chilling cold.

You hurry to greet your unexpected guest at the front door, But the moment you open your door to see your guest, your feet froze in place as your eyes gazed at a familiar mare. You try to say something, but you felt like your tongue was tied in knots.

" So, how long are you going to stare at me? " Octavia giggles as she closes your mouth. You shake your head as you snap yourself back to reality.

" My apologies. I-I wasn't really myself just now. So what brings you here? " Octavia simply gestured over to a broken carriage at the side of the road, stuck in the snow. "I see. Well the snow isn't going to clear overnight. You can stay here until then."

She gave you a warm smile as you help her carry her stuff in. You place it all at a corner of the living room and cranked up the heat of your fireplace, warmth instantly covering the room. Then you hurry yourself into the kitchen to grab some food for her.

" So, how did you know I was living here? " You said, holding a plate of biscuits and a cup of steaming tea for her. She takes the tea from you and gently sips it.

" Well, I never actually knew you stayed here. I was on my way home after sending my cello for some tuning. But as you know, the carriage outside must had hit some rocks hidden under some snow and next thing we knew we had to pull over. I went over a few houses to ask if there was a place to stay for the moment while the snow clears away. And I so happened to knock upon yours. " She explained. You smiled back at her, but deep inside you were thankful that she isn't hurt.

" Looks like the snow isn't as forgiving as last year. You can stay as long as you like. There's a guest room you could use if you like. Don't worry, it comes with a bathroom with hot water. " Octavia smiles in delight. She holds your hand and thanks you for your generosity.

" I guess I'll be staying a while. I hope it's not too troubling. " You help her move her stuff into the guest room and switched on the light. The room is a little musty but at least it's still being maintained by your servant.

" Nah... it's nothing. It's mostly quiet around here at this time. It's nice to have guest around once in a while. " You place her stuff at the end the bed. Taking a towel from a nearby cupboard, you hand it to her. " I'm sure you're still freezing. Go ahead and use the shower. Even a mare of your talent is still no match for the cold."

You smirk. She glares at you, but she still kept her smile. She takes the towel from you and you leave her to her showers. Being a gentlecolt as you are, you politely close the door behind her. You walk back to the living room and sit on the comfy chair. Moments later you hear the familiar sound of the water heater. Noisy, but you were used to it. Maybe I should get a new water heater, you thought.

You lay comfortably in your chair, but as soon as you find the right spot to get comfy, your mind begins to wander again. But it was more... imaginative. The image of Octavia seems to appear ever so often, and it's usually not right one. You try to get it out of your mind, but your efforts seem futile. You open your eyes and sigh. Damn it, get a hold of yourself. She's in your home, and to be precise in your showers.

You immediately get up from the comfort of your chair. Pouring yourself some tea to sip it all down in an instant. Dammit brain, can you just stop imagining all these dirty images of her even when you know she's in the showers. Urrgghh!!! Frustrated, you decided to practice a little on your piano. The covers unfold, revealing all the familiar keys. You shut your eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Without looking, your fingers starts to play the first musical piece take comes in your mind. Soon the music from your piano fills the entire room.

At least you were right. Music has always been your best solution from life's ploys and toys. But then, a familiar image suddenly appears in your mind. You slam down on your piano keys and tilt back your head and face the ceiling. Sweet Celestia! What is wrong with me?!

You gave yourself a few moment though and begin playing other music pieces. But they all end up with the same results. You simply can't play straight with those thoughts running wild in your head. After a few more rounds you finally give up. You bury your face into your arms. This is hopeless. Why am I suddenly feeling all these things inside of me. I really don't know.

" Having problems huh? " Octavia's sudden appearances gave you a shock. You turn around to see her in a bathrobe, her mane still wet from her bath earlier.

" Seems like it. " You sigh.

" What seems to be the problem then? " She trots towards your side and lay her soft hands on your shoulders. Your body immediately response to her touch, your face starts to blush.

" It's. . . kinda hard to explain. I'm just not being able to concentrate as usual since that. . . I meant our performance at Canterlot last week. " Octavia's hands still lay firmly on your shoulders. You were reluctant to move, as if your own body simply refuse to comply to your wishes. But one thing's for sure, you can hear the beating of your heart, and it gets louder and faster by the second.

" Hmmm. . . I think I might know why." Octavia replied. She went back awhile, and appeared with her instrument case where she keeps her cello in. She takes out her cello and sits opposite of you, facing your piano. " How about we give it a try now. You and me. "

You look at her, still puzzled by what she intend to do. But you just follow her instruction and ready yourself. You browse through your music pieces until you found a suitable one. Octavia takes a minute's glance at you, signalling that she is ready. She takes her bow and place her cello carefully in between her legs so that it won't drop.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes once more. As soon as your fingers press on the keys, Octavia's cello ignites with its own beautiful melody. Like your performance at Canterlot, you both play your instruments flawlessly, and not a note out of place. Then it hits you. As you continue playing, you feel something coming from your heart. The feeling was warm and tingly, and it seemed to follow the very rhythm of Octavia's cello. With every stroke of her bow, you felt different, your heart moved like the fire that swayed to the wind.

Soon your little concert ends, you and Octavia were panting in exhaustion. The music piece you picked wasn't exactly slow, but then again, your level of expertise matched to her's as well. Your hands were trembling, but at least you were happy that it's done.

" So, care to explain why--- " Before you could finish your words, your lips were met by Octavia's. You gasp at her sudden act, but you didn't push her away. Instead, you went along with it. Her kiss was somewhat rough, but at the same time pleasant. You could feel her tongue in your mouth, her hands holding your face. You both go on for a full minute before breaking off.

" Ever since our performance at Canterlot, I too had problems. I can't seem to concentrate on my cello and my music was out of place. I thought my cello had problems, but deep inside, I knew it wasn't that, but something else. The first thing that came to mind was you. ' Her face blushes hard. " I've met many musicians in my life, but none has captured my attention until you came in. Since that night, I've been seeing you in my head. I just felt that you were special."

She backs away from you, her face buried in her hands, trying to hide her blushes. While you were still recovering from her kiss, she continued to stutter explainations in defense for her actions. As if driven by instincts, you stand up, walk towards her, held both her hands and kissed her.

You pushed her up against your living room wall. You hear her gasp a little, but your kisses were unrelenting. As you do so, you can hear her giggle between colliding kisses. Your hands pins her's to the wall.

A thought suddenly strikes you. " Hey. . . are you sure about this? I mean. . . we've only known each other as fellow musicians. " You look into her eyes, her pupils glimmer from the reflection of the fire from your fireplace.

" Well, there's only one way to find out. " She places your hands on her hips, her muzzle pressing against your cheek, her lips softly meeting yours. You both kiss, pushing at each other’s lips and beginning another tongue war. As the kissing progresses, you slip your hands to her stomach area, tugging off the knot that was keeping her bathrobe fastened on her.

Her robe comes lose, and your hands slip in. With a gentle push, her robe slides off her shoulders, revealing her upper chest. You see her breasts , her laced bra still on it. Your hands slips under it, holding and rubbing her tender and full breasts.

Her body shivers with ecstasy. You could feel her body heating up from all this and she's getting more and more excited. Her soft hands slips down to your chest, slowly unbuttoning your shirt. She strokes her delicate hands on your chest, teasing you softly. Her action makes you even more aroused.

" Hey, Octavia. . . do you remember what you said when we were alone that night? " You smirk.

" Is this a challenge my good sir?" She leans forward and whispers into your ears.

" Depends. It would be a dying shame if one of us were to slack behind. . . . " You chuckle, gently squeezing her oh-so-cuddly breasts which makes her gasp. You flashed and arrogant smile. She looks at you angrily, but instead of slapping you square in the face, she place her forehead against your's and looks deeply into your eyes.

Her hands reaches for your pants. She unzips your pants and her fingers slips into your pants, where your bulging member is. Before you know it, your belt was unbuckled and you pants slip down to your legs and on the floor.

She softly strokes your shaft through your underwear. Her gaze never leaving you as you moan in enjoyment. She smiles seductively, and soon starts to tug at your underwear.

Your hands slide down from her shoulders, slowly travelling along her luscious curves. Her body shivers in excitement as your hands reaches her hips. She gasps as you squeeze her wonderful rump. Her ass isn't that small, but it's still big enough for your hands to fit firmly onto it.

Your left hand went back to massaging Octavia's breasts more vigorously, feeling how full and soft they were. Your other hand does the same for her ass. Octavia moans in your ears. Her fingers tugs a few times at your underwear, until it became lose enough for her fingers to pull it down, revealing your shaft, which was rock-hard by now. You feel her hands touching its tip.

Without a moments' thought, she pushes you down on your lavish chair. You look on as she stood in-front of you, her naked body in full view to you. Her hourglass figure and her charcoal-black mane enticed you. Her face was blushing bright red, and she stared at you with a pair of bedroom eyes.

" Take me. Show me what you've got big boy. " Her words taunt you, and you simply grin at her words. She places herself on you, her black-laced panties in full-view for your eyes to feast on. You hold her thighs and gently rub them, as you pull yourself forward and kiss her belly. You start from there and proceed downwards until you reach the tip of her panties. You notice her panties were moist as you reach further down.

She moans as you continue teasing her with your lips. You can feel her fingers brush through your mane, and you reached to remove her panties. You tug it down to reveal her prize; her already wet marehood. Clear warm fluid slowly drips onto your torso. A sweet and musky scent swirls around your nose make you even more aroused, eager to please her.

You slowly move your tongue up her thigh and slid it to her marehood. A gasp escapes her lips from the sudden touch at her most private area. You begin to run your tongue up and down the pink lips of her very moist marehood, lightly flicking her clit every now and then. You can feel her hips moving back and forth, as her moans start getting a little louder. Then you decide to play with her already swollen clit poking out the tip of the vulva with your tongue.

" Ooohh. . . .goodness gracious. You're quiet good with that tongue of yours." She moans huskily, you feel her inner thighs pressing on you. You pull yourself away to face her, her eyes looking down on you and her mouth drooling from all the excitement.

" Enough with the teasing. I. . . I want it. " She says it as if she's begging for it. You can hear her panting, her warm breath against your forehead.

" Sure. . . I've been looking forward to it all night." Your hands reaches for a small lever by your chair. A small tug, and the chair you were sitting on adjusts itself into a lazy couch. She positions herself nicely on your hips, her wet marehood leaning on your throbbing member.

She leans forward again to kiss you. Your tongues go at it for a little while before she breaks the kiss and sits back up. She straddles your hips with her tail resting against your legs. You feel it brushing between your hips, tickling you. Wasting no time, she slowly let herself descend upon your shaft, which slipped deep inside her. The mare sighed with pleasure, your entire sex filling her velvety walls. Sweet Celestia!!! It feels so good!!!

It's tight and the grip around your manhood was strong, but moist and velvety, making it easy to slide in and out. You gasp at the sudden sensation. She begins to move her hips up and down, placing her hands on your stomach for balance. She starts off slow, but she constantly lets out stifled moans. You start bucking your hips, plunging deep inside of her. She soon increases her pace.

You softly moan as pleasure works its way through your whole body. You place your hands firmly on her hips, helping her guide her movements. With her sex caressing yours, the heat, and the softness of the couch, the sensations are intoxicating. Who would ever imagine Octavia, the one and only cello playing prodigy, having sex with you? Your mouth opens wide and you drool as she once again increases her pace. You soon feel a familiar pressure build in your groin. Your moans become louder along with hers.

" Octavia. . . I don't think I can hold back. . . " Your panting grew more erratic, and so does hers.You could tell she was close to orgasm. Taking charge, you increase your tempo even further, guiding her hips onto you, your thrusts adding to her pleasure. She moans your name through her gritted teeth.

" I want. . .I want you.. . all of you. . . all in me please! " She screams aloud in sheer pleasure. As if on cue, she pulls you in for a kiss, and your cock is thrust into her. The sensation was mind-blowing! As you start thrusting upward against her own movements. You feel it getting closer and with one final thrust, both of you reach your climaxes.

The two held each other tight as the sensations cascaded through. You could feel her warm cum gushing out all over your stallionhood, while you ejaculate rivulets of your seed into her. The massive surge of bliss fills you and you yell her name in pure ecstasy.

Soon the moment dies down and all is quiet again. She collapses onto you, your arms holding her close and your tail covering her lower body.

You couldn't help but laugh a little as Octavia lay on your chest, panting. Her arms wrap around you while she nuzzles your neck. The moment was beautiful. Deep in your heart you know what brought you both together. You have heard the symphony of her heart and the melody of her soul, and you believe she has done the same for you. Two musicians in perfect harmony. One musical finale.

"Hey Octavia. . . " You speak softly, your voice a little off due to exhaustion. " Do you think that we might perform together again sometime in the future? "

" Perhaps. But for now, I just want to stay like this. " She chuckles lightly. You brush her messy mane aside so you could glance into her eyes. Her beautiful lilac eyes.

" Hmmm. . . .looks like the snow isn't going to be clear for quite a while. " She remains on you, her head resting on your chest. She glances up to you.

" Hey. . . .our challenge isn't really over. " She winks at you with a hint. You simply look back at her with a large grin across your face.

" Well my lady. . . . . . . . ready for round two? "

Author's Note

My first ever attempt on writing a clopfic. Although I've gotten some help in regarding how to write the plot, but I wouldn't expect as much as I know i'm still quiet careless in grammar. Spelling might also be one of my little problem, but I hope it doesn't spoil the reader's mood.

In any case some of you readers are confused, this fic is manly based on antro or aka furries of the cannon characters. It's also my 1st time writing in this style, so I'll be please if those who can spot the flaw and help me fix it up :D