Paradise?

by The Tyrannical

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 5912

When a stallion moves to Ponyville, he may get more than he bargained for.

I recently moved to Ponyville in order to get away from Fillydelphia. What a nightmare that town was, unlike Ponyville. This village is calm, beautiful, and everypony in it is friendly. Although, sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice coming here.

I'm sure I'm just worrying about nothing. What trouble could there be?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-17 14:40:02 UTC

You Have NO Idea

October 25, 1 L.C. (Luna’s Comeback)

Dear Journal,

Well, I’ve finally settled into Ponyville.

Why did I move here, you may ask? Well, long story short, I wanted to get away from the stress in Fillydelphia.

My employer was a spiteful cretin, My ‘friends’ were idiots (even calling them my friends is a stretch), my family is the most unsophisticated group of imbeciles you’ve ever met, and the constant noise of the city was the bane of any relaxation I attempted to have. I had to get away from all my problems. Away from Fillydelphia.

So I moved here to Ponyville. Mainly for the reason that it is a small, quiet place many miles away from that horrible city.

Actually, I don’t know why more ponies don’t live here. The scenery is breathtaking, the townsfolk seem genuinely kind (I’ve seen too much fake kindness back in Filly), and there’s such a peaceful air here that I love so much. This is a perfect place for a stallion like me.

On top of all that, this is the hometown to the embodiments of the Elements of Harmony. Yes, the greatest heroines of our time live in this town.

Here's to new beginnings!

October 26, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

I’ve only lived here a day, and I’ve already made an acquaintance. Her name, unfortunately for her, is Ditzy Doo. Too bad the name suits her well. Seriously, when I opened my door, she accidentally hit me in the nose with her hoof trying to knock. Then, when delivering my mail, she almost gave me the wrong letter. (I apparently don’t have a mailbox.)

I also noticed one of her eyes was a bit askew, but I knew better than to bring that up. If my brother were here, he probably would’ve pointed it out like the oblivious idiot he is.

The letter in question was from my dear mother. As is to be expected from her, she demanded that I come back to Fillydelphia at once, not sparing any harsh words. She also tried to tell me some hogwash about how this town is cursed and how it’s more horrible than it seems.

I tore it up and threw it in the trash. There’s no possible way I am going back to Filly unless I am gagged and bound.

I politely re-worded that in my response. No need to resort to her level.

Still, I can’t believe she would resort so low as to tell me this town is ‘cursed’ though. What does she take me for, a school foal? Who in their right mind would believe that? If you ask me, Fillydelphia is the real cursed settlement.

Ponyville is paradise, compared to that place.

October 27, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Well, I found one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, today. Or I suppose it would be more appropriate to say she found me.

I had forgotten her name from the newspaper I read about them all, but I knew this one's name had ‘pink’ in it. What imaginative parents she must’ve had.

The hyperactive mare yammered on and on about how she’d never met me before, and she’s met everypony in town, therefore I must be new. All the while, she was bouncing on all four hooves in a ridiculous manner that shouldn’t have been physically possible.

She was talking like I had given her less than a minute to recite the largest novel ever. I couldn’t get a single word in, she talked so fast. I didn’t even get to say hello before her eyes widened and she sped away faster than anypony I’ve ever seen.

You would assume that after somepony leaves a conversation like that, it’s okay to leave, right? Wrong. Not with this insane pony.

I took all of one step before she popped up right in front of me again. This time, she had a chocolate cake balancing on top of her head which said in bright white frosting “Welcome to Ponyville!” She held it closer than necessary for me to see.

Then it exploded in my face.

It was delicious, I’ll admit, but I was a bit upset at the time.

She was laughing like she had gone mad. I was too stunned to voice any of my anger.

After her hysterics, she just... pulled all the chocolate frosting off of my face like it was a solid mask, and swallowed it whole.

No, really. Her jaw unhinged like she was some sort of python. It was horrifying to watch.

Does she have no idea what physics is?

Eventually, she did ask me what my name was, but not before trying to guess it herself. I could only tell her my name after I shoved my hoof over her mouth. Then she kept talking.

After a short while, I had to excuse myself. Simply watching her was making me exhausted. I know she means well, but by Celestia, she can get irritating.

I'm gonna go out of my way to avoid her, if I can help it. She’s... overwhelming, to say the least.

November 7, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

These past few days have been some of the best I’ve had in a long while.

In the mornings, I’ve taken to visiting the local market. I find it amazing how delicious the produce is. Maybe it’s because it’s fresh, but there is a noticeable difference in the apples here than in

No, not going to think about that place right now.

After visiting the market, I take a stroll through Ponyville, taking in the fresh air and giving simple ‘hellos’ to the passing ponies, and nothing else. I love it.

After my relaxation, I have to go to my job at the local restaurant. We don’t get too many visitors a day, and the pay is... considerably less than what I’m used to, but I am adapting. I can definitely survive off of my job.

When It’s finally time for me to stop washing dishes and bussing tables, dusk has already fallen. My favorite time of the day, when I can see the stars and the sunset at the same time.

The stars are so much more beautiful and clear here in Ponyville. I guess all those city lights really do make a difference, huh?

Well, that’s enough for one day.

November 19, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Today was more eventful than usual.

A magician strolled into town in a large caravan. The sky-blue unicorn wore an absolutely ridiculous cape and wizard’s hat, and for some reason nopony pointed out how stupid it looked.

I mean, come on, everypony! Look at that!

Imagine my disbelief when she revealed herself as “The Great and Powerful Trixie,” and only referred to herself in the third pony.

I haven’t seen such a pompous braggart in a while. I’ll admit her tricks were very pretty to look at, but Trixie would constantly insult the audience. She claimed that whatever they could do, she could outperform them. The showpony even claimed to have subdued an Ursa Major. I’ve only rarely heard of those things, but from the stories I’ve been told, they’re no easy creature to defeat.

Of course, I wasn’t the only one who was sick of her boasting. Three different ponies challenged her words. (I’m very sure they were part of the elements of harmony.) Needless to say, I rooted for them, hoping they would upstage the loathsome mare.

To my (and their) dismay, quite the opposite happened. All three of them were humiliated by Trixie. I especially felt sorry for the rainbow-maned one. Her humiliation was quite brutal.

Really, everything about Trixie reminded me about what I hated in Fillydelphia. Rude, insulting, self-absorbed, those are all the traits of a pony I was trying to get away from. To see that ilk flocking to this peaceful village infuriates me to no end.

Really, though, I suppose there’s not much I can do about it, now. She leaves tomorrow anywa___

If you’re wondering why that last sentence ended the way it did, It’s because I was taken surprise by a primal roaring outside, thus shaking my quill. I dashed out immediately to see what was happening.

Well, I certainly got to see stars.

The cause of the noise itself turned out to be an Ursa Major, rampaging through the town.  This massive bear was horrifyingly gigantic, and it’s transparent fur sparkled like the night sky. I like the night a lot, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.

Apparently, two starstruck colts brought it to Ponyville from the Everfree Forest so that the “Great and Powerful Trixie” could vanquish it.

Right there, in front of the entire town, Trixie admitted that she never did defeat an Ursa Major, as I had suspected. Another of the elements of harmony had to clean up her mess. I think her name was Sparkling Night?

If anypony deserves the title of “Ursa Vanquisher,” it was her. Her magic was powerful enough to send the beast back into the forest, asleep. After she did so, she revealed to the entire town that the beast was in fact not an Ursa Major, but a baby. An Ursa Minor, much to Trixie’s humiliation. (and my delight.)

The cowardly liar fled from town, and good riddance. Not so great and powerful after all.

The two starstruck colts, on the other hand, were ‘punished’ with having to clean up the damage the Ursa Minor caused. That and facial hair.

Don’t ask.

This whole situation has me a bit frightened, though. What other massive creatures are in the Everfree? Is this town truly safe? Does this happen often? Nopony else seemed nearly as scared as I was. It was as though they all just shrugged off the attack. Don’t they see the bite marks on that house?

I’m sure I’m just overthinking it. It was just a fluke, and nothing like that will happen again. Tomorrow I’ll inquire some of the villagers about this matter.

Then I’ll know there’s nothing to worry about.

November 27, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

It’s been about a week since the Ursa Minor attacked. The town looks as though it never happened, and so do the townsfolk. The day after it happened, I tried talking to some of the locals, asking them if we have anything more to worry about besides Ursa Minors.

They gave me mixed answers, but all of them basically told me the same thing. An event such as last night has never happened before Nightmare Moon’s return, and as long as ponies stay out of the Everfree Forest, we’re safe.

If the Everfree Forest is so dangerous, why do we live right next to it? That seems like a bit of an error to me.

The rest of my week continued on just fine, and this morning I was even starting to forget some of my worries when I noticed a huge dark cloud in the distance, blanketing a mountain.

I thought nothing of it at the time, but two hours later, The element of magic herself was telling everypony that a dragon had moved into the nearby mountains for a nap.

A hundred year nap.

Glad nopony told those two young colts about it. They probably would’ve tried to wake it up.

The elements of harmony all set off to deal with the dragon so that it’s smoke would not cover the entire land for a century. I watched after the six mares as they left, hoping to Celestia that they would succeed. Hoping they wouldn’t make it angry enough to come down to Ponyville.

I guess the whole ‘Ursa Minor’ thing had made me a bit nervous.

I must have stared at that blasted mountain all day, wishing that the smoke would stop flowing from the top.

It wasn’t until about six hours later that I noticed a red speck in the distance fly away from the tip of the mountain, and at the same time, the black cloud ceased altogether.

I was more than relieved, and I felt silly for worrying. Of course the elements of harmony could defeat a dragon, right?

Actually, from what I had heard, instead of battling the dragon, the last element of harmony, Fluttershy, had ordered the dragon to go away.

How. Just.... how?

I’ve met Fluttershy once before, and she’s not exactly the bravest pony alive! When I said hi to her, I thought she’d burst into tears from her shyness. How does a pony like THAT get a dragon to do what she wants?

I questioned why I was even afraid in the first place. To think I feared I would have to leave Ponyville...

In the back of my mind, though, I couldn’t help but think back to my mother’s ridiculous letter. Even now, I’m scolding myself for it. This town is not cursed, and even considering the notion that it is cursed is idiotic.

It’ll take a lot more than some smoke and an overgrown bear to convince me otherwise.

December 11, 1 L.C.

Dear Journal,

I started a garden recently. I figured I might try my hoof at it, see if I can get the same results as I find in the markets. I was watering the plants outside my house, trying to make sure that they would get the water that they’d need.

And I was just finishing up when I finally noticed the dark rain clouds above Ponyville, rearing to pour down.

I cursed at the sky in frustration. In turn, the dark clouds boomed with lightning. Now, I hadn’t heard lightning in a very long time, so maybe you’ll understand when I confess that I screamed.

Like a school filly.

In my garden.

With several ponies around, watching me.

It didn’t do much for my masculinity, I’ll say that much. It didn’t even have to start raining to get me back inside my house.

I’ll be honest and say that I am not the greatest at keeping my house clean. I’m certainly better at it than the rest of my family, but that’s not much to be proud of. So, I cleaned my house all day. I reorganized my books, dusted, did my dishes, mopped, etc. I even moved a bunch of furniture around to make it look better.

My desk has a wonderful view of the town through my window, now. I’m especially proud of that.

The storm continues outside. I still jump a little whenever lightning strikes. I should end it here before I scribble over the page in a jolt.

January 2, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

So, I recently learned that the entire town is borderline racist.

Let me explain.

I was a bit late to work yesterday, when I encountered Pinkie Pie, frantically running away from something and yelling about an “evil enchantress.” As soon as she passed by me, she pulled out a string of balloons from nowhere, and sailed over a building.

...Yeah, moving on.

Turns out she wasn’t the only one hiding from this ‘evil enchantress.’ The entire town had fled to the safety of their homes. You’d think it was a ghost town if all the ponies weren’t visibly looking out of their windows in fear!

So after a bit of wandering around the silent Ponyville, I finally found the cause of their fear and hiding. A lone, cloaked mare was digging at the ground for some unspecified reason. I’ll admit, it freaked me out too. For a few seconds, I had thought the villagers were right, and I should just lock myself in my house.

Then the ‘evil enchantress’ lifted her hood, revealing her black and white mane, and I instantly felt like a moron for being scared. She was just a Zebra. A plain old Zebra, and everypony was hiding in their houses as if they had never seen one.

That is just ridiculous. Sure, Zebras may rarely leave their homelands in the Zavannah, but the townsfolk have to have at least heard of them.

I tried to find and talk to her, but the next thing I knew, she was gone. Leaving me in my disbelief in this town’s knowledge of Zebras. I was so stupefied, that I didn’t even go into work that day. I just went home and drank.

Then today, everypony in town suddenly has no problem with her. I have no idea how it happened. Again, I guess we all just forgot that everypony hid in their houses just because somepony was different.

I suppose every place has it’s downsides, and the good outweighs the bad with this place so far, but this was just so stupidly ridiculous that I had to write about it.

January 17, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

My house was eaten today.

No, really. That is word for word, exactly what happened today.

There was no warning, no reason, and no explanation. I was right in the middle of harvesting what little food I had in my garden, (which took forever to grow) when a multicolored swarm of these insect creatures I’ve never seen before start devouring all food in Ponyville. Unfortunately, this included my garden.

I tried to save it, I really did. A pony can only fight off so many tiny insects with a trowel.

The were about to leave me alone too, before some bright light flashed over the entire town. Then they turned right back around and started chomping on my house.

Again, I couldn’t fight them off. Trowels are very ineffective weapons.

I tried spraying a pesticide on some of them, but one of the insects just ate the entire can in one gulp, and barfed up another insect.

I was more than a little upset.

The only pony in town who knew what to do was Pinkie Pie, and how does she get rid of them? By luring them away with a one-mare marching band, of course.

My head hurts everytime I see her do something.

So, that’s that. I’m sitting in my ruined house with my roof completely gone, half the upper floor missing, and many of my possessions destroyed. All of Ponyville spent the day repairing the damage and cleaning up, but this will take a quite a few days to fix.

My mother can not know about this. She’d just rub it in my face, spewing her nonsense about this ‘cursed town.’ I will say that Ponyville has more problems than I first expected, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle.

January 19, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal

I got a letter from my mother telling me about the horrible ‘infestation’ in Fillydelphia.

Looks like they’re not my problem anymore.

March 1, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Ever since the swarm, things have been getting better.

There haven’t been any monsters attacking the village, or dragons sleeping next door, or anything destroying Ponyville. It’s just been peace and quiet, which is exactly why I moved here.

My house is repaired, I restarted my garden, I recently got a raise for my job, and I’m still making small talk with the villagers. Looks like I’m finally getting my wish for a great place to live.

I think Mom is even starting to accept the fact that I’m not coming back to Fillydelphia. Her letters have been a lot nicer. They’re still accompanied by the occasional crude language and tone, but it’s a sight better than the letters she used to send me.

Yes, everything seems to be looking up.

March 17, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Okay I lied.

Long story short, A few days ago, a rainbow explosion in the sky miles away made me shriek like a little filly in town square.

I’m not going to hear the end of this one from anypony. Even Ditzy Doo can’t help but burst into laughter when she sees me.

I startle easily, okay!?

July 22, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

It occurred to me that I haven’t written in this journal for a while now. Sorry, I guess I just haven’t really been motivated to do so. Between tending to my garden, working overtime at my job and dealing with my ‘screaming for all of Ponyville to hear’ ordeal, I suppose I’ve had my hooves tied for a while.

In recent events, the Grand Galloping Gala, one of the biggest formal attendings of the year, was ruined. I hear the elements of harmony are to blame for that. The great heroines of our time are party crashers. Who knew?

I thought Pinkie loved parties? That’s like, her whole thing, and... Oh nevermind. There’s no use applying logic to that mare.

Continuing on the subject of things that make no sense, I got a letter from my mother, today. I fully expected it to contain some harsh words telling how the whole family is doing, but I was surprised to see the words “I admit, I miss having you around.” on the letter. I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but, I can’t say the same.

Fillydelphia was horrible, and I never want to go back to my old life there.

Although, I have given it a lot of thought over the past couple weeks, and I’ve realized that Ponyville hasn’t been as much of a paradise as I thought, either. I haven’t seen any monsters wanting to rip the place apart, lately, but there’s always this lingering thought in the back of my mind saying “What if something else tries to destroy Ponyville?” I don’t feel one hundred percent safe.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going back to Filly, but I’m progressively becoming more and more unsure about this town.

I’ll have to think about the matter some more.

September 3,(?) 2 L.R.

Dear Journal,

I make it a habit not to swear, but...

What. The. Fuck.

The one day I decide to sleep in for almost, what, three years now? And as soon as I wake up to see the town, pink clouds are raining chocolate milk, the ground has been turned into a colorful checkerboard, town hall is floating in the sky upside down, and night and day lasts for probably fifteen seconds at the most.

What the hay did I miss?!

I’m writing this now because I can’t even tell what time it is. The moon and sun aren’t anything to go off of anymore, and all my clocks inexplicably transformed into hammers.

I tried to go outside to investigate, but in the ten minutes I was out there, my garden tried to mutilate me with a trowel, food hovered in the air trying to throw itself at ponies, and the dirt path beneath me transformed into a slippery soap.

It’s as though a foal was in charge of the laws of physics!

Or Pinkie Pie, even.

Not to mention the fact that most of the townsfolk appeared a lot less colorful, doing crazy/nonsensical things while acting like nothing was happening. Seriously. Ditzy Doo, who I’ve known to be sweet and caring towards all, tried to beat me to a pulp when I asked her what was going on. The rage in her uncrossed eyes was terrifying.

I barely escaped her wrath.

I also occasionally see some sort of serpent-like being floating around whenever I look out my window. The last time I peaked at it from my window, I think it saw me. Hopefully it can’t get into my house. Half of the walls have been turned into rubber, but at least I’m obscured.

Something happened to Ponyville, and I have to get out of here.

Wait, what if whatever is happening is effecting the rest of Equestria?

What’s causing all this? Where are the Elements of Harmony? What the hay was that serpent thing? Why is everypony acting so strange?

Wait, I just heard something explode in my house. Did that thing get inside? I hope not...

I’m a little scared, but I’ll go see what it is.

hEehEehEAHahOHeHeHeHE

WeLL, tUrNs ouT tHerE Was NOthiNg tO Be sCaReD oF At All. i kNOw I SAiD i wAs aFRaiD of tHe seRpEnT MonSTEr, BuT onCe it tOuCHed mY fOrehEad wITh iT’S fInGeR, i dIdn’T FeEl FEaR anYmorE! I acTUaLLy FEel A lOt bEttER NOw!

tHEre’S nOThiNg wROnG wiTH thIs PlaCe As iT IS!

I fEel LiKe i’vE bEeN sEt FrEE!

wHat AM i doiNG wRitiNg iN ThiS DuMb olD boOK? WhERe’s An acCOrdiON? i jUst HaVe tO MaKe sOMe NoiSE! aNd LOtS oF IT!

September 4, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

My aching head...

Yesterday was just awful. If the news are anything to go by, Discord, the spirit of chaos, broke free from his stone prison. That explains the chocolate rain, yesterday.

And the flying food, murderous vegetation, ten-second days, and the way everypony acted.

Unfortunately, I was not an exception to the outlandish behavior. I went around all of Ponyville trying to find all the loudest, most annoying instruments I could find. I’ll never look at a banjo the same way again. I swear, I nearly made myself and everypony around me go deaf with all the air horns I found. All that happened because Discord himself broke into my house and put me under a spell.

The spirit of chaos broke into my house. Not every day you can say that. Although, I preferred when I was never able to say that.

Where in Tartarus was Celestia or Luna during all this?! I mean, sure, thank heavens for the elements of harmony, but really! Couldn’t she have sent some guards down here to help control the situation?

For that matter, who is protecting this village?! Is there no form of law enforcement in this town? Is it just the elements of harmony? What was protecting this town before them?

This is getting a bit ridiculous.

I don’t truly feel safe in this town anymore. I feel like It’s just a matter of time before some other great catastrophe breaks out in this cursed village again. I think I may need to find somewhere else to live.

Oh, and my garden is ruined again, not that I was going back to it.

You try going back to gardening after yours tries to disembowel you.

September 30, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Alright, maybe I was just in a bad mood that day.

I was seriously considering moving away from this town. I really was. I didn’t think these disasters were worth it.

But I went on a long walk today. I didn’t do anything productive, I just took a stroll around and outside of town. It was quite boring, actually. Nothing happened short of a few greetings from others.

Eventually, I came to a cliffside outside of town with a nice view of Ponyville. From sunset to midnight, I sat there on the grass, overlooking the peaceful village and watching the ponies rush home before dark. It was rejuvenating to feel that cool breeze on my fur while looking up at Luna’s night sky. I must have sat alone on that hilltop for hours.

I’ve never had a better view of the stars.

Maybe I’m not being fair to Ponyville. It’s not like these terrible events are a guaranteed thing for this town, right? Even then, nopony has ever been harmed during these disastrous events. It’s majorly annoying at most.

I suppose It’s just been a bad year for Ponyville, and for that, I’m giving it another chance.

October 12, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Starting to regret that second chance.

Tonight, the entire town was put under a spell which made everypony obsessed with a ragdoll. As a result, a massive brawl broke out among neighbors. I was no exception.

I’m not physically fit in the least. I’ll admit that right now. I wish I were stronger for this scenario, though, because I got the living daylights beaten out of me for this doll.

It was not pleasant.

Black eye, bruises, small parts of my mane ripped out, even bite marks.

The situation eventually escalated so much that Princess Celestia herself had to come break it all up. Surprise, surprise, the whole problem had to do with the elements of harmony.

I’m going to bed. I’m still aching.

I swear to Celestia, if things don’t get better soon...

November 1, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Alright, I’m done with Ponyville. No more. I’m gonna start looking for another place to live.

What brought this decision about? Nightmare Night.

It started out simple enough, with all the costumed fillies and colts in town wandering around town at night in search of candy. Nothing to worry about. I myself was dressed as Edgar Allan Pone, famous writer of the old ages.

Nopony understood my costume. They all kept mistaking me for a Hobo. I found that insulting. How can they not recognize one of history’s most famous writers? He wrote the poem The Crow, for Celestia’s sake! Did all of Ponyville fail at history in school? Do schools here even teach history?!

Then, to add insult to injury, (or perhaps the other way around, in this case.) I took a pumpkin to the face.

Why is it always the face?

No, there was no warning, or anything that could have told me “Hey, you’re about to be knocked out by a ballistic gourd!” the rogue vegetable just smashed into my head while I was trotting along in Ponyville, and rendered me unconscious.

When I came to, I found that the pumpkin in question was accidentally hurled across town by a miniature catapult used for an innocent game. With Ditzy Doo at the controls.

Try as I might, I couldn’t possibly be mad at her. She’s just too sweet, and it wasn’t like she meant to do it anyways. Poor mare doesn’t have the best of luck.

Neither did I, as it turns out.

Not two minutes later did everypony start screaming at a giant thundercloud in the sky which wasn’t there before. A chariot from the clouds dashed to the ground of town square, and off stepped Princess Luna. I would have been more excited about this, but that screaming voice of hers nearly made me deaf. My ears were still ringing for several minutes after she left into the Everfree Forest. Even when she was in there, I could hear her screaming at somepony else.

And when she came back, the town’s tomfoolery irritated her so much, that she abolished Nightmare Night altogether. You know it’s bad when not even the princess can tolerate Ponyville.

Oh, don’t worry. She brought it back, but after she did, I was too sore to even care. My head ached, and my ears were still ringing. So I went home for the night, trying to fall asleep, but that’s hard to do when the entire village is out and about late at night making a racket.

I didn’t get much sleep at all, and my head still hurts.

I can’t take it anymore. Ponyville isn’t worth the trouble. Hopefully I can find a different place to live before some sort of gigantic flame demon from Tartarus escapes and starts shooting it's explosive laser eyes in Ponyville.

Yes, I firmly believe that could happen.

I’ll have to write a letter to my mother to let her know where forward all mail to me. That’s not going to be fun letter to write, admitting this town is ‘cursed.’

December 18, 2 L.C.

Dear Journal,

I haven’t found anywhere else to move to yet, but I’ve started to pack all my belongings anyways. I am leaving here, and I’m not going to delude myself any longer with some false fantasy of a ‘quiet village.’

I also haven’t quit my job at the restaurant, yet. Still need the money, for the time being.

I also received my mother’s response. As I suspected, she bragged to me about how she was right all along and how I never should have left home for a cursed village.

I wondered why I even let her know I was leaving Ponyville. All I’m going to get from her is this crude behavior and language. Ugh, the things I tolerate from my mother.

I love her, just from a distance.

Nearly all my stuff is already packed. I just have the essentials out and about. Let’s just hope I find someplace to put them, soon.

January 6, 3 L.C.

Dear Journal,

A dragon stole all my belongings, and then tried to steal my house.

I don’t want to talk about it.

January 7, 3 L.C.

Dear Journal,

Today, I’ve

You know what? No! I’m not doing this anymore! Why the flying FUCK do ponies still live here?!

Why have I lived here for so long?!

You would think after the Ursa Minor nearly destroyed the place, I would have the sense to get the hay out of here, but no! I just had to keep believing that Ponyville was some sort of safe haven, when in reality it’s a gigantic target for every monster within a ten mile radius!

Ursa Minors, Discord, Infestations, Dragons, not to mention the Everfree Forest is right fucking next to Ponyville! Who was the imbecile who decided to build a settlement right next to a habitat of monsters?! If I had the chance, I would buck him right in his stupid face!

Why didn’t they at least have the decency to build a wall around Ponyville?! This town is entirely defenseless! There’s no law enforcement of any sort, or anything stopping whatever tries to destroy the town, save for the elements of harmony!

Why is nopony else concerned about this!?

I’ve lived here for, what, over a year?! In all that time I never came to my senses! Ponyville really is cursed! I should have seen it right from the beginning!

Fuck Ponyville!

Fuck gardening!

Fuck Pinkie Pie’s disregard for logic!

Fuck the Everfree Forest!

Fuck those monsters!

Fuck this stupid journal!

I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO COME BACK HERE AGAIN. LUNA DAMN IT, WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.

January 28, 3 L.C.

Dear Journal,

First of all, I apologize for the vulgarity in my last entry. Sometimes I can’t help but revert to my mother’s ways. My family never did have the coolest of heads, and sometimes I’m no exception.

Really though, can you blame me? All my belongings were stolen by a massive purple dragon that came right out of nowhere, and taken to the nearby mountain. (Same one the old dragon fell asleep on. Huh.) It took me a whole day just to haul all of my stuff back to Ponyville from that mountain. I lack physical skills, so I was exhausted by the time I was done.

Ponyville has been one disaster after another. It’s just becoming another Fillydelphia.

Well, I’m not taking it anymore. I’m not waiting for that Ursa Major to show up. Yes, I know it will show up. It’s just a matter of time. I’m getting out of this cursed town as soon as possible.

I’m moving to Canterlot. Yes I know there are quite a few snobs there, but it’s a heck of a lot better than Ponyville or Fillydelphia.

Plus, I hear there’s going to be a major wedding coming up. Can’t get much more harmless than a wedding. Doesn’t look like there will be any more problems from here on out.

Here’s to new beginnings, huh?