Follow me here: For the sake of this story, can we agree that the fourth wall can be broken via any media? And the sonic Rainboom gives off heat.
Enjoy!
Pinkie Pie: She'll Take it From Here
Pinkie jerked awake violently, arching into the air, her azure eyes quite literally bulging out of their sockets. She performed a spritely loop-the-loop and landed with a "boing!" on her hooves. She liked to start the day with surrealism, it kept her in shape. She shook the sleep out of her eyes, giggled for no apparent reason, tucked a bag of flour into bed and bounded down the stairs for breakfast.
As usual her daily sustenance was high in caffeine and sugar because it takes energy to bend reality. She needed to be ready to spring at any time, any pl—
HI THERE, I'M PINKIE PIE AND MY FRIENDS CALL ME PINKIE BUT YOU CAN CALL ME PINKIE TOO BECAUSE YOU SHOULD ALL BE MY FRIENDS?!?! I'M FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE EVEN CRANKY DOODLE BUT DON'T CALL HIM DOODLE, ONLY HIS SPECIAL SOMEPONY IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT AND IT'S A REALLY ADORABLE STORY AND I COULD TELL YOU ABOUT IT BUT I HAVE TO GO AND HELP RAINBOW DASH WITH A NEW TRICK SHE'S TRYING, ISN'T THAT EXCITING?!?! FOLLOW ME!!!
…Well…3rd person clearly isn't a functioning narrative at present so let's follow her shall we?
COME ON!!! YOU ALL NEED TO MEET RAINBOW DASH BUT I CALL HER DASHIE BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY FAST AND SO SHE DASHES AND THEN WHEN SHE RUNS REALLY FAST SHE MAKES RAINBOWS SO HER NAME IS PERFECT! AND I LOVE IT WHEN THINGS WORK OUT LIKE THAT LIKE MY NAME BECAUSE I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE PINK AND I'M PINK AND MY NAME IS PINKIE AND I! LOVE! PIE! I MEAN, WHO DOESN'T LOVE PIE? REALLY, THAT'S JUST A TERRIBLY SAD WAY TO EXIST AND I DON'T LIKE THINKING ABOUT IT BUT I DON'T ONLY LIKE PIE I ALSO LIKE CAKE, CUPCAKES, PUNCH, CHOCOLATE MILK, COTTON CANDY, SUGAR CANE AND PARTIES—
OH. MY. CELESTIA. I'M GOING TO THROW A PARTY FOR YOU ALL TO CELEBRATE US MEETING AND WE'RE GOING TO BE THE BEST OF FRIEND—WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?!?!
Pinkie, aren't you going to be late?
ME?!?!?! LATE?!?!?! OH, I COULD NEVER BE LATE WHEN A FRIEND NEEDS MY HELP EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME WHEN RARITY WANTED ME TO POSE FOR A NEW OUTFIT SHE WAS MAKING AND I HAD TO RUSH TO HER HOUSE BECAUSE I LOST TRACK OF TIME TEACHING POUND CAKE AND PUMPKIN CAKE HOW TO FLOSS GUMMY AND THEN RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE MY TAIL STARTED TWITCHING LIKE CRAZY AND I HAD TO HIDE EVERYONE UNTIL IT STOPPED AND THE COAST WAS CLEAR AND THEN WE ALL HEARD THIS BIG THUMP AND MY TAIL STOPPED AND IT TURNED OUT THAT I FORGOT TO SCREW ONE OF THE RAFTERS BACK IN AFTER I USED IT TO CREATE EQUASTRIA'S BIGGEST PAIR OF CHOPSTICKS FOR—
Pinkie?
OH, RIGHT SILLY ME!!!
And she zoomed off leaving a vibrant trail of magenta, fuchsia and cherry pigment behind her.
It so happened that the trick Rainbow Dash was attempting required Pinkie Pie's baked goods and who better to assist her than the baker herself? They had wanted a secluded place to practice and the Everfree forest seemed sufficient
OH!!!! OH!!!! I KNOW WHAT THAT'S CALLED, IT'S FORESHADOWING! OR…NO WAIT, IS IT FOURLIGHTENING? FIVESHADOWING? OR IS IT REALLY A TEENSY WEENSIE ALLITERATION? METAPHOR? ANALOGY? SIMILIE? OXYMORON? IAMBIC PENTAMETER? ONOMATEPIA?!?!?!
No, but…its...nevermind
Anyways, if you neared the outskirts of the foreboding greenery, the smell of frosting could be faintly detected though it was masked by the wilder odours of tangy tree sap and intoxicating amounts of chlorophyll.
In a small clearing Pinkie was busying herself pouring bowlful after bowlful of multi-coloured batter, into her party cannon, stirring it with what looked like a powder packer but there was a large spoon where the blunt end should be and singing,
"POUR IN THE BATTER MIX IT WITH A SPOON
STIR AND TWIRL ‘CAUSE IT’S GONNA BE READY SOON
LOTS OF YUMMY GOODNESS CAN MAKE YOU WANT TO SWOON
BUT THAT’S OKAY AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T GET STOLEN BY RACOONS
AND JUST DON’T MIX THE BATTER WITH THE BALLOONS
AND SOME PONIES SAY I’M CRAZY AS A LOON
WHICH IS A REALLY SILLY THING TO SAY BECAUSE I’M CLEARLY A PONY AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE WINGS AND I’D NEED TO HAVE A BILL-BEAK THINGY AND I HOP NOTHING’S WRONG WITH ANYPONY’S EYESIGHT OR MAYBE THEY SAW ME ON NIGHTMARE NIGHT WHEN I WAS A CHICKEN—HI DASHIE!!!"
The escalation of her seemingly innocuous song (or as innocuous as you can get with Pinkie)
THANK YOU!!!
Veering rapidly towards hysterical ramblings was interrupted as Rainbow Dash shot by overhead, executed a 180 and then nosedived towards the clearing and landing gracefully in about 10 seconds flat. She trotted over to the cannon which was being loaded but no matter how many bowls were put in the cannon never overflowed due to the X factor known as Pinkie Pie. They whispered for a few minutes but being quiet proved difficult for the earth pony and she began to vibrate slightly to compensate. They both nodded and Rainbow Dash kicked off, rocketing vertically until she was a speck, almost invisible, blending in with the cyan dome above her save for small shocks of her multicoloured mane.
Pinkie positioned the cannon so that it pointed upwards and was about to light the fuse when she gasped, leapt up and hovered in the air for a second before disappearing and returning again with a burlap sack. She opened it and dumped the entire contents into the cannon, packed/stirred it in and grinned.
Don't be getting any ideas people, they were chocolate chips.
LIKE WHAT IDEAS?!?!?!
Nothing! Light the fuse.
OKI DOKI LOKI!!!
After doing so she produced a firecracker out of nowhere an fired it into the air, however instead of flashes of fizzling light there were streamers and confetti which was apparently a cue for Rainbow Dash who immediately plummeted at an incredibly high velocity in a signature position that could only mean one thing: The Sonic Rainboom.
She was nearing the point of breaking the sound barrier now and just before she did, the cannon fired and Pinkie squealed with excitement. The large gelatinous doughy blob sailed through the atmosphere breaking off into smaller pieces of unbaked pastry and just as they reached their maximum height a thunderous explosion echoed throughout Ponyville.
The sheer force of the incandescent aftershocks and seconds of intense heat rippled outwards and pierced the raw gooey gobs, baking them. The delicacies fell to the earth completely cooked but before they could get there, Pinkie had readied another mixture in her cannon (don't ask how) and launched it into the air; this time it was oodles of sugary frosting that coated everything, including a now sticky Rainbow Dash.
DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! THAT WAS THE MOST SPLENDERFUL WONDERTASTIC UNBELIEVAMAZINGABLE THING EVER! THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN THE CHOCOLATE RAIN BECAUSE IT'S ALL SORTS OF GOODIES WITH MORE ICING AND TREATS AND WE CAN HAVE A BIG PARTY TO CELEBRATE AND IT'S JUST…SO BEAUTIFUL…
And she burst into tears which on anypony one else would have consisted of salty drops but on Pinkie were sucrose-laced geyser-like fountains of joy.
Author's Note
If anyone would like to be my friend on the mobile app my gameloft name is possiblypinkie
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, critiques or suggestions let me know!
Should I continue this?
Thank you for reading!
