M'aiq in Equestriaby Alternate Universe MaiqChaptersAs Told by M'aiqHere Comes M'aiqInterlude... I mean M'aiq!It's Tea TimeIt's Tea Time Mk II: Order over ChaosMini Adventure: Attack of the Space CerealM'aiq and cadence are best friendsSomething Something M'aiqInterlude: It's Sheogorath!Interlude: Another interlude!It's Tea Time Mk Whatever: ArrivederciAs Told by M'aiqM’aiq does not know where he is. He sees a bunch of multicolored ponies. Did M’aiq eat a skooma sandwich again? He is holding a white ball of metal that is muttering something about space. All M'aiq was doing was sleeping like he always does, curdle up in a ball with the stars shining down upon him. He wakes up standing over a broken bot of flowers with ponies looking at him, as if they all seen a ghost pass them by. He does not like this one bit. He thinks he sees several white ponies in golden armor coming toward him. “Ssshhh. Here come space cops. Here come space cops.” You don't say? “Stop right there criminal scum. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit.” “M’aiq does not know what he has done wrong, nor does he have coin.” “Then I hope you rot.” Said a guard pony. "Space. Trial. Of the system on trial, in space. Space system. On trial! GUILTY...of being in space! GO TO SPACE JAIL!" Replied the white ball. One of guards was a unicorn, his horn glowing, M'aiq soon found himself in a prison. He is surprise to see how adequately spaced this cell is, it even has a very soft, lustrous golden bed. This is nothing like those dimly lit and damp cells back at Skyrim. Horrible places. He sits on his bed and thinks. What did he do? Guard ponies, or what he thinks are guard ponies, accuse M’aiq of committing a crime and throws him in jail. M’aiq's face swells up, his fur wet. Next to him was the white ball, standing by as it gave no care in the world around itself. “Space.” They threw this thing in with M’aiq? It does not matter. He at least has something to talk to, to stave off the loneliness. But, M’aiq does not feel like talking. Oh well. Maybe, if he takes a nap, he will wake up and find this all but a mere dream. Vaermina always likes giving people bad dreams. The mention of Vaermina makes him tremble. He enters his bed and slowly drifts into a waking sleep, with the occasional “Space,” disturbing his slumber, hoping Vaermina releases him from his dream. The cell door slowly opens. A guard walks through with a spear in tow. M’aiq wakes up and much to his plight he finds himself still in a cell. “Prisoner! The princesses will now see you.” Said the generic guard pony. “Mhmmhmm. Can’t M’aiq have 5 more minutes?” Replied M’aiq. “Do not keep the princesses waiting you swine!” “Alright, alright. M’aiq will go to these princesses… wait. More than one princess wishes to see M’aiq?” “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They want to see you. Now.” “Celestia? Luna? M’aiq thought they were giant round orbs in the sky. He certainly did not think they could rule a kingdom. He means, how does a giant ball of gas and a moon rule a kingdom? M’aiq cannot fathom this.” “Such incompetence!” the guard holds in both of his hooves a spear of glistening white. He points it toward M’aiq’s throat. He looks to his left to find the white ball standing idly by, then at the guard who has an iron grip on his throat. His eyes widen, begging for mercy. “Better. Now, come with me. Take that… thing with you too.” M’aiq quickly picks up the metal ball. “Calling space cops. Space cops help!” he then follows the guard out of the cell and down a series of hallways to an unknown destination. On the way there, he once again caught the white ball talking about space and is wondering what it meant. “Metal ball. What is this ‘space’ you speak of?” “Space? Space is space. Empty, cold and full of stuff.” “Sounds like Molag bal’s oblivion if it was frozen over. What kind of stuff is in space? M’aiq wishes to know.” “Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Space. Stars. Orion’s belt. Cancer. Saturn. More stars. The big dipper. THE BIG DIPPER! SPAAACCCE! Uhg uhg. Space.” “M’aiq thinks that he should have left you back at his cell.” We arrived at a door. what are the properties of this door? M’aiq does not know, use your imagination, he is far too busy talking to his new friend about space. The guard pony pushes the door open, and steps off to the side. “Their royal majesties will now see you.” M’aiq steps into the room, he is amazed to see how many books are in this room. Not one inch or corner is left bare. To the center of this, what is assumed to be a study as it was to small, more akin to a bed room, sat a lovely dark blue, gold incrusted carpet. On this carpet stood two chairs, either one of them being blue or white and on these chairs sat two winged unicorns, with both matching the color of their seat, peacefully reading an unknown book. To the front of these beings, sat a fireplace, blazing in fury as it lit the room for its reading occupants and provided warmth to them, to fight off the harsh cold. “M’aiq, was it? Please. Come over here and make yourself comfortable.” Said the white winged unicorn. Does M’aiq really need to say what has been done? Fine. M’aiq walks over to the one who has spoken his name. the white one looks at the white metal ball with curiosity. The metal ball acknowledging this looks toward the winged unicorn with its. One. Big. Solitary. Yellow. Eye. Imagine how scary it would be if you had a big yellow eye staring at you. M’aiq would run for the hills. “Who’s your little friend?” “Spaceborn. I am SPACEBORN! As foretold. By space! Wait. No. No. No. Wrong game, I mean show. I am Space Core. I like space. Is that Luna? Luna! I’M WITH LUNA! LLLLUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNAAAAAAA!” replied Space Core. A few giggles later. A lot later. Seriously? How long does it take for two girls to stop giggling like little girls? “We are glad to see we have a fan.” Said the blue princess. “How rude of us. Let me introduce ourselves. I am Princess Celestia and she is Princess Luna.” “It is a pleasure. M’aiq wishes you all well.” “Likewise.” Replied Luna. “Listen. I know you’re wondering where you are, but you do not belong here. With Crystal Empire showing up, times have been hard. To my regret, I have to send you back. Otherwise I would be honored to have you as my guest and let you stay in Equestria for a month or two.” Said a sadden Celestia. “M’aiq understands. He would be very pleased to go back home.” “Very well. One more thing. Sorry for throwing you into a jail cell, the royal guard has been on edge lately.” “M’aiq forgives.” Celestia smiles. “Sister.” The two sisters stand up, close their eyes and began to chant in unison. “Mittere haec anima retro ad origo sic et nos in pace vivunt.” -one arbitrary displacement later- This is not Skyrim. Where is all the snow? The mountains? Still no caterpillars. Where did M’aiq go this time? “Blink dagger. AAUAAAGAUAGAHUAGHAAA!” “Blink dagger? Really?” “Space dagger! To space.” M’aiq should have listened to his father M’aiq and stayed home. Author's Note First Story. Yadda yadda. If you find any grammar errors be sure to point them out. Or if you want more meat on the bones, I think I can throw an idea or two out. Here Comes M'aiqM’aiq is out cold. What could he do now? He knows! He will get 45.5413 puppies and jungle them with his tail, while reciting Ragnar the Red and eating the world’s rarest truffle. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a dream? No? M’aiq is very disappointed in you. “Hello. Slave.” He is not a slave. He is M’aiq. His eyes shoot wide open. Revealed to M’aiq was a… gas unicorn? Gas. Unicorn. Unicorn and gas. A unicorn that is made out of gas? “Hello. Toy.” “Moo. M’aiq is a buffalo. Moo.” “Cute…” What do you want M’aiq to do? Pretended that he is the Elf Queen of the Thalmor? “M’aiq thinks that you look like a bumbling idiot.” Said an unamused M'aiq “Fool! Do you know who I am? I am King Sombra!” he said boastfully. “And M’aiq is a liar. Believe none of those things.” “How dare you.” Irritation raised in his voice. Off in the distance, coming from the castle. An alarm type sound was heard. “Aahh… I will deal with you later.” Sombra left toward the crystal castle. M’aiq looked as confused as he was hungry. he never really finished that pie. He started to walk around. He noticed that the fairground was mostly empty. Where did all the ponies go? If he encountered a gas unicorn, he would run too. he continues to walk until he is met with a crowd of ponies. They seem to be encircling a covered up statue. He wonders what it could be. A pontoon? Wait. What’s a pontoon? Why would M’aiq say such an absurd thing like that? A pony bumps into the covered statue knocking over its cover along with a crystal in the shape of a heart, this heart is sent flying toward M'aiq. WHACK! Agh. Gah. Bleh. M’aiq is okay. He might be growing a horn now. But, he is okay. “He’s back! I can’t take it!” screamed a pony. Were those stars there before? he is never quite sure about these sorts of things. another heart is sent flying and whacks him in the chest. This whack sends M’aiq flying to a giant snow flake inscribed on the ground. Two sharp blue pillars come up from the ground and down the celling. It’s a good thing M’aiq was standing off to the side or else he would become a Khajiit bob. M’aiq tries to walk away. But, his hand seems to be glued to the heart. How did his left hand get glued to the crystal? Did a glue fairy glue M’aiq's hand to this stone? If so, he can add one more thing to M’aiq’s list of M’aiq do not want, it will sit up there along with mudcrabs. The crystal glows with a brilliant white light. Energy is sent through the entirety of his body. His body convulses, leaving no room for voluntary movement. “M’aiq is in great pain!” Glue fairy, M’aiq will get you! A little zap there, burnt fur there and a nice cozy fire perched on top of M’aiq’s tail. “M’aiq is on fire! Someone! Help M’aiq!” He is drenched in water. Coldness surrounds him, his body moving ever so slightly. M’aiq wishes for warm sands now. At least his hand is free now. “Gosh, partner. Didn’t realize you were there. Sorry ‘bout that.” Call out an orange mare. “M’aiq thinks that you are insensitive.” “Well gosh. Is there anythin’ Ah can do tah make ya feel better?” “Pet M’aiq.” “Okay. By the way mah name’s Applejack.” “Hello Applejack. M’aiq wishes you well. Now, pet M’aiq” Applejack places one of her fore hooves on M’aiq’s head. He enjoys the way Applejack pets M’aiq. So soft. Wait. NO! This is painful! It feels like someone took a stump and harshly rubbed it against your face. He did not wish for this. “SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” M’aiq never thought his back could bend like that. His face flat on the ground. He lays motionless. Space Core sits peacefully on M’aiq’s back. “space. Ohh. Hay lady. Lady. Lady. Hay lady. Who are you?” “Mah name’s Applejack.” “Applejack? Are. Are. Are you a cereal box?” “Beg your pardon?” “Cereal box! When I go to space, you will be the very first cereal box to go to space. Go to space with me.” “But Ah’m a pony.” Her eyes widen and her ears set aback. “Noooo. You’re a cereal box! Go. To. Space.” Irritated, M'aiq rolled over knocking Space Core off his back in the process. “Argh. What are you two complaining about? M’aiq can’t handle all of these noises.” “Hello, M’aiq. Meet cereal box.” “Serial box? What? M’aiq only sees an orange pony with a weird looking hat.” “Cereal box. Not pony. Cereal box. Let’s take her to space with us.” “Space Core. What is M’aiq going to do with you? And it’s Serial” “Cereal.” “Serial.” “Cereal.” “Serial.” Pink flash. Pink pony. On top of M’aiq’s back. Again. “What are you doing Meany Mic’mean Pants?” “Hi pink pie! Go to space with me and cereal box.” “ENOUGH! M’aiq had enough!” M’aiq threw the pink pony off of him. Fire in his eyes. Both of his hands were as hot as the sun itself. He put them together, and out came the dragon’s breath. Space Core, Applejack and the pink pony all screamed in horror. Before the Khajiit’s furry reached them, a chief’s delight came forth and shielded them. It dissipated the fire, but at a cost. It sat on the ground, burnt to a crisp. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! M’aiq burnt his sweet roll!” M’aiq rushed over to his sweet roll and spoke.“sweet roll! Can you hear M’aiq?” So brittle the roll, with the slightest touch, it could crumble. M’aiq did not care. He picked up his sweet roll up and it burst into its core elements. “NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Tears filled his eyes. “M’aiq promises he will never let his angry get the better of him again. M’aiq promises to you sweet roll! He will always remember you!” cereal box, he mean, Applejack stands up, walks over to the grief stricken Khajiit and pats him on the back. “It’s okay. Ah’m sure we can get Pinkie Pie over there tah bake you a new sweet roll.” “really?” “Really really.” M’aiq picks Applejack and gives her the most joyous hug that he could muster. So grateful M’aiq is, he could lick her. Not in a sensual way, no. It is tradition among us Khajiit to lick instead of kiss to show affection toward the opposite sex. It is the same way that you would kiss your mother on the cheek. “Woah! Slow down there partner. We need to get room first if ya gonna pull that off,” Applejack giggles. “Now. Let’s get your tail patched up. It looks more burnt than the sky on the 4th of July. Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Dang nabit! Where did she run off to this time?” This is going to be a long day. It does not matter to M’aiq. He is sleepy. Time for M’aiq’s cat nap! he curls up into a ball on the ground. Passing off the missing mare in action, as nothing more than a slightly lost friend of Applejack. He failed to notice a lizard from behind. Whack! “M’aiq’s back! Not again!” Interlude... I mean M'aiq!Here once again lays M’aiq, throbbing in pain. He wonders who or what hit him? A quick look around reveals a small chubby green and purple dragon. Normally, he would run away from the sight of such a creature. Always, wanting to tear M’aiq’s face off and brew it in a stew. The little dragon looks like he’s a baby. M’aiq could pick him up a squeeze as hard as he can and pinch those little lizard cheeks. That is what exactly what M’aiq did. “Hay! Whoa! Hahahaha! That tickles! Put me down!” “M’aiq does not care. He thinks you are very adorable.” The little dragon smells good too. So good, he could just lick him. he extends his tongue out and licks the dragon. “Eeeeeeewwwwwwww,” cried the dragon. He tasted like… well… If M’aiq said that the dragon tasted like candy. He would be lying. The dragon tasted like dirt. Plain old fashion dirt. It will take M’aiq days to get this awful taste out of his mouth. “Aaaaahhhhhh!” cried a soft feminine voice. A quick thump to the head later. -Insert transition here, because the author was too lazy to say what happened- M’aiq is starting to think that no one likes him. He wakes up in a pink bed. Of all things. Why would they place him in a pink bed? Ponies on all sides look at him. They have very large eyes, he wonders if he can use them as dinner plates. “Hi M’aiq! Guess who’s here. Cereal box, pink pie, a rare diamond pony, flutterbutter, dashing rainbow and a book that I have a low opinion about that has sparkling vampires! Let’s take them to space.” “Ah’m not a cereal box!” retorted Applejack. “Shush, cereal box.” Replied Space Core. M’aiq thinks with the right amount of cuddling those two would be the best of friends. That set aside, M’aiq feels like he’s been to oblivion and back. “M’aiq has to ask. Who hit M’aiq?” “I… I… I… I did.” Said the butter yellow pegasus in a faint whisper. “Tell M’aiq why you hit him.” At this point M’aiq was fed up with getting hit. Now he is dead serious. He looks at the pegasus with cold eyes. “I… I…” tears swell up in her eyes. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO EAT SPIKE! WAAAHHH!” She brought her fore hooves to her face, tears streaming down. M’aiq feels terrible now. How could he have made a fragile mare cry? He is no khajiit; he is a… something that makes ponies cry. He should hug her. “M’aiq forgives you for hitting him and he is sorry for making you cry. Hug M’aiq.” She wipes the tears from her face. Her hooves stretch out in front of M’aiq. He returns the favor, his arms sweep her of the ground, chest meeting chest. His arms reach around the her body, increasing in tightness. Both of their heads rest peacefully on each others shoulder. She coos, her head slowly rubbing against M’aiq. A door opens wide. Shining Armor steps through. He approaches the bed holding with him a pot of flowers and a box that says chocolate. M’aiq lets go of the pegasus. He looks at Shining Armor. “I see that you and Fluttershy are getting along. I heard what happened to you and picked you up a little something.” Shining Armor hands M’aiq a pot of flowers and box of chocolate. “That is sweet of you. M’aiq will enjoy eating these flowers and planting these ‘chocolate’” Everyone in the room laughs. What? Did Sanguine paint his face purple again? Not that M’aiq is complaining. But why purple? “Hahaha! No. You eat chocolate.” Replied Shining Armor. “Oh… M’aiq will enjoy eating them then. By the way, M’aiq has not given you your belly rub.” “That is quite alright.” He said in a nervous tone. There was no time for words. M’aiq gets out of bed, with only one thing in mind. Belly rub. He flips Shining Armor on his back. M’aiq was ready. He raised his hands high into the air, but before he could come clashing down onto the poor stallion’s belly. Another door opens. “What are you doing to my husband?” M’aiq looks at the mysterious wife of Shining Armor. “M’aiq was going to give him a belly rub. His name is M’aiq, nice to meet you.” “Yes… I’ve heard of you. Along with all of that moaning. Tell me. How did you get him to moan like that?” “That’s easy.” Replied M’aiq. M’aiq places his hand behind Shining Armor’s ear and begins to rub it. Shining Armor moans. How does the roof over our heads not fall? He is moaning like he had two hag witches sleep with him. Don’t ask M’aiq how he knows that. “M’aiq! Stop that!’ cried Twilight. M’aiq stops. “Thank you M’aiq. My name is Candace,” said the cheerful pink pony. Why is she so happy all of a sudden? M’aiq didn’t do anything to make her happy. Did he? The only reason he could think… of… oh… he no longer wants to be on this subject. A guard comes rushing through the door. “Discord has escaped! We need the Elements of Harmony!” Everyone shouts in a perfect simultaneous angelic chorus. “What?” “Discord? Discord! Noooo! He destroyed space! I don’t want space be destroyed again! SEND ME TO SPACE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Who is Discord? M’aiq wants to know.” “No time to explain! Follow me everypony!” said the guard. Down a hall. Down a hall. Down another hall. How many halls does this castle have? It’s making his head spin. After going down another hall, we are met with two giant purple, gold incrusted doors. The guard pony opens these doors. Note to M’aiq: Do not anger a guard pony. LOOK AT HIM! A little pony that barely meets up to M’aiq’s neck line, is pushing two giant doors that look like they could weigh as much as a full grown mammoth, all by himself. As soon as the doors open, we find ourselves in garden. This was the most beautiful garden M'aiq had ever seen. Roses, tulips and daisies encircled a white stone table, three plush chairs surround it and sitting in these chairs are beings that he never wanted to see in one place. The goddess of the sun, spirit of chaos and our favorite homicidally insane prince. It's Tea TimeWarning: Sheogorath has entered the fray. Sudden change in POV. You’ve been warned. Roses are red, and dandelions are white. Tulips are tulips. Roses, tulips and dandelions slowly drifting in the spring wind. Celestia is peacefully sipping her tea, occasionally snipping Discord a quick glance whenever he tries to move from his seat, then back to her tea cup like nothing ever happened. Boring. Discord on the other hand looks like he’s ready to explode. He can’t help but to nervously squirm like Mehrunes Dagon staring at him with his big ugly face. Have you seen Mehrunes Dagon’s face? Puke green with horns sticking out if his head. You think Stendarr would have mercifully given him a new face? One that is round, pink and most importantly squishy. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to bash his face in with my cheese hammer. Always talking about change and how he’s going to conquer Tamriel. Blah. Blah. Good for him. Now, come over here so I can hit you with a mackerel! And yes, I do mean you viewer. Why? Because I can. And Sheogorath sits. Wait. That’s me! Here I sit in my suit with one side colored red and the other being purple, both respectively representing Mania and Dementia. Off to the right side of me is the Wabbajack, I could never really tell you why I brought it with me. It’s good fun turning your enemies in to sweet rolls, but I will probably give to another poor soul, like I did with that one dragonborn fella. Unlike the other two whom were either squirming or sipping their tea. I was eating a cupcake that I had gotten from a pink pony called Pinkie Pie, sweet girl, and random too, I think Discord and Pinkie would make an excellent couple. Anyway, I was probing at my cupcake with my Fork of Horripilation, not sure what to make of it. Sure, sure, it looks like a cupcake, rainbow frosting and everything. Setting suspicion aside, I took the cupcake in hand and shamelessly shoved it into my mouth. That’s a good cupcake, taste like rainbows and gasoline. Discord being the little trouble make he is, stands up in irritation. “I had enough! I want go out and make some CHAOS! Not sit here drinking tea. Besides you brought HER!” “Well excuuuuusssse me! What if I wanted to have tea party and entertain you for the next 1000 years? I broke you out of that flimsy stone prison and I got her, because you looked lonely. If you know what I mean.” I said back. “I DON’T CARE! Although, I do have to admit. Who are you?” “Who am I? WHO AM I!? If you’re the guy that made a crappy alicorn oc, then you can call me MARY SUE! Because, I’m gonna skip rope with your entrails! If not. Then it’s Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Charmed.” “A daedra? Bah! Useless creatures.” Celestia shot Discord a mad glare. “Now, Discord. That is no way to treat our host. Or would you rather be turned to stone again?” “I” was the only word he got when I magically spawned a mackerel in one of my hands and slapped it a crossed his silly face. Don’t tell me, that face of his isn’t worse than Mehrunes Dagon? At least with Mehrunes Dagon he has some constancy. Look at me! I’m Discord! I got one iris bigger than the other one and two different types of horns. Not even Stendarr the God of Mercy and Makeovers can fix his ugly mug. “Holy mackerel!” cried Discord. “How very observant of you.” I replied back Discord not being pleased with having been slapped with a fish, puts one of his paws forward and channels pure chaotic energy. Me being the young brilliant daedra that I am grab the Wabbajack and turn him into a sweet roll. “Discord, I knew you were always sweet on the inside,” Celestia sang cheerfully. Discord transforms back into his good old self, looking angrier than before. “That was not entertaining.” Directing his attention to me. “No? Will an angry immortal playing skip robe with your entrails keep you entertained?” “No.” “How about a two flame atronachs serenading you?” “Maybe.” He said in a monotone voice “FLAME ATRONACHS IT IS!” I put forth my hands, glowing with an eerie gray. Directing the summons toward somewhere nearby. With a flash of a white light, out came two pony shaped atronachs. “Really? Pony shaped? No matter. You two! Yes, you! Sing to my friend over here, the song of cheese.” The atronachs caught up in the attention began to sing. “Blaaaaaarrh! WWWAaaaahhhHHH! FLIASDLJN! OI OIAJO!” Aaahhh… well, I have to admit, it’s not the prettiest thing that has happened in this era, but you can do worse. “Never mind. You two stink. BEGONE! Before I… give you a biscuit? No. Cook me dinner? No. Make you gods amongst the mortals? No. What do you do to flame atronachs again? I KNOW! I will hang you by one your hooves over a pit of molten chocolate, while I get Loki the Norse God of Trickery to hit you with a sharp pointy stick called Willump and I force feed you CHEESE!” the atronachs were gone faster than you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. By the way, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is terrible word to use in a story. DON’T USE IT! A door opens. What? A door opens. What more do you want me to say? A khajiit, a space core and six ponies walk into a garden tea party. What do you do? SKIN THEM ALIVE! Wait. No. That wouldn’t be much of a story if they died. So I greeted them instead. “Hello, my faithful subjects! No. Wrong character. Hello! Come over! We’re having a tea party! We have tea, ginger snaps, whatever those are, and my personal favorite. CHEESE! It’s to die for. No, really, if you eat my cheese you’ll die.” Everyone or should I say everypony, a personality core and khajiit are just standing there stunned like they seen Hermaeus Mora take a bath. “Princess Celestia?” Did that purple unicorn pony just talk? Oh wait. I’m in world full of talking ponies. Author's Note Used slightly different writing style with this one. It's Tea Time Mk II: Order over ChaosCelestia floats in the air, her wings flap synchronistically to her heart beat. Her sweat covers her body, muscles scream in pain, begging to be laid to rest. Heavily breathing, coughing up blood, she looks toward Discord, who was low on the ground, her eyes burning in rage to rival the sun. Her horn glows, she sends a bolt of pure golden energy toward Discord. As the bolt neared Discord, it stopped midway as if oblivion itself intervened. It turned into a brilliant pink cloud. It stood afloat in the air, not one minute has passed, and it continues to sit there. When boredom was about to get the better on both of them, the cloud burst into a cold purple block of fire, to only imploded later into flying tangerine colored eels. They flew to Celestia encasing her limbs, neck and chest. They clench their bodies over Celestia’s wings, with a deafening cracking of bones, she fell screaming in bloody agony straight to the ground. Thud! The ground was littered with the body of the white alicorn. The eels were gone as if they were never there to begin with, though, the bloody marks that cover her and snapped wings told otherwise. Discord walked up to Celestia, giving a wicked smile, his eyes filled with torment form ages long since. He looks at her and spoke in a sadistic mocking manner. “Oh Celestia! My poor Celestia! Once a ruler of a great kingdom and patron of the sun itself! Now look at you! Lying on the ground in a bloody mess, hopeless to stop my advances.” Celestia slightly raises her head of the ground with blood filled tears. “Screw you.” “It’s time to go to sleep, dear.” Discord lifts one of his hooves and gently places it over her neck, gently increasing pressure. He was savoring the agony he brought to her. She squirmed as much as her injured body allowed her to, she begged, no, pleaded for him to stop. When he had enough of her whining, he delivered the final blow. When the pressure on Celestia’s neck was too much to bear, it resonated with a sickly popping sound. Discord looks toward me with those same tormented eyes. “Now it’s your turn.” How DARE he spoil my TEA PARTY! This calls for plan kick discord’s cookies back into oblivion. My face was as red and hot as a flame atronach. There was nothing on body and in my mind that did not convey my complete and utter hatred for him. I wanted to string him by the neck over an oak tree and flay him of all of his skin and meat off of his putrid bones. I walk over to my Wabbajack that was sticking head first half way in the ground. I picked it off the ground, holding it gently between by hands. The head of the staff has seen better days, but it still had its trio of heads that opened tall and wide with empty eyes, of course nothing was there to begin with. It was colored red, deep crimson red, this was not its usual color, but this staff happens to be really good at bashing in the skulls of stupid mortals or pissed off deities, like Discord. I faced Discord who was eager for a fight. “COME ON! I have pony lives to make miserable. Fight me already!” shouted Discord He wants to fight so badly? So be it! The staff shook as I began to charge it, it glowed red in the process, as it was about to erupted with the furry of my mind. I released the bottled energy and sent it straight toward his ugly face. There was no silly dances, insane jabbering or carrot dueling. I wanted him dead, no ifs, ands or buts. Dead. Now. So help me, if I fail, I will turn his world asunder. As the bolt of madness was reaching its destination, I felt the energy of this world surround the bolt, propelling it at an ever increasing rate, as if the world itself was telling Discord that he was no longer welcomed here. Simultaneously, I could also feel the forces of chaos, Discord’s chaos, working against the bolt, slowing it down and trying to break it down into a simpler system, so he can manipulate it and turn it against me like he did with Celestia. This was of no consequence to me, for I was bolstering the bolt with my own insane energy, counteracting his chaos. With the bolt supported by the world and my own madness, it struck dead center. He stands unmoving, not a flinch was seen. His wicked eyes continuously stared into mine, silently judging every aspect of my inner spirit. Now it was his turn. He now stood hunched, arms wide and legs apart, bearing his sharp uneven teeth. He was a tiger, ready to pounce on his more than aware prey. With the use of his wings he jumps into the air, landing in front of me. Without a moment’s thought, he lifted his right paw, revealing his claws, and sent it crashing down. Luckily, I was able to use the Wabbajack to stop his attack from putting a scratch on my clothes. Unfortunately, Discord used his left talons to put a rather nasty deep bloody gash up my right forearm to my shoulder and a crossed my upper chest. I winced at the slash, my body was crying out in pain, but I showed no weakness, I stood resolute. He jumped back to a safe distance, taking in pride of his handy work. My arm and chest bled, as bad as it may seem, no mortal wound, no matter how severe will never kill a daedra. I dropped the staff and ripped off my damaged sleeve, not giving a care in the world. I twirled and twisted my good arm. I pulled from the realms of oblivion, a sword, it was adorned with blood red trimming, its slightly curved hilt and pommel was black, it’s serrated edge threaten to cut those who oppose it in half. With this edge curving to a point at the tip and its back side was as black and blunt as an ebony mace. Lowered to my side, held by a firm hand, the blade was ready to spill blood. I took to the sky, landing behind Discord. I thrust my sword at him. He twisted his body around my sword. He swirled his head around, backside meeting front face, lunging his head toward my left shoulder. His teeth dug in, violently rocking back and forth, breaking bone in this action. I did not care. I withdrew my sword from the folds of his entangled body. Plunging it into Discord’s neck, forcing him to release his grip on my shoulder and scream in agony. “How dare you harm a god of chaos! I will make you suffer!” Oh! I’m sorry. Did I poked a hole in the over gown mutant’s neck? I could care less for this abomination. With a wave of his hand, he brought forth a spear and sent it flying toward my heart. I summoned the Wabbajack to my side in hope of stopping the spear. The spear went through the openings of the staff and impaled me in the chest. Discord leaped forward, grabbing hold of the handle of the spear and lifted it along with me. I screamed as the head tore deeper into me, slowly sliding down the spear, slicing bone, past my heart, then finding itself past the other side of my body. Slamming the spear down, burying the head in the ground. My head recoiled, producing a dull thud. With my skill cracked, and mind dazed, he took the sword out of his neck and threw it out of arm’s reach. With the spear still held firmly within his grasp, he twisted and turned the spear, to his sick amusement, causing me as much grief as his demented mind allowed. I can’t continue. He is too much for me to handle. He is feeding off of my madness and the chaos that I am generating. Can a daedra die? No. I don’t think so. This is certainly no walk in a zombie infested playground. What is this emotion? Despair. I hate it. I hate it as much as broccoli. “I can feel it. Your despair, it pleases me. If only I could prolong that suffering, but as with all plays, it must come to a come to a close. Good bye, you filthy daedra.” Discord pleased with my state, released the spear as my world turned black. “Ahh… what a sublime way of ending things. With that daedra and Celestia out of the way, there is nopony to stop me and get in between me and my play things, that is the ponies. But what of Celestia’s sister, Luna? Ah. I could turn her into Nightmare Moon. No. That is overused. I know! ” with a devilish grin, he poofed into a cloud of butterflies. I know daedra can’t die. But is this what it’s like to be dead? It feels very calm, and orderly. I feel like I know every detail of the world and every action, whether god, mortal, or daedra. The future is of no mystery to me, for I already know. Certainty and predestination, presides all. I can hear the ponies crying out in pain, wanting their misery to end. My body phases out of existence. In a loud booming voice. “Here me! My body torn asunder, mind made anew and with that a new body. I have heard your pleading cries, fear not. Order will be restored. For not, I am Jyggalag, Daedroth of Logical Order and Deduction, and Daedric Prince of Order.” Mini Adventure: Attack of the Space CerealA/N: M’aiq will be in the next chapter and until the end of the story. Yay! Finally, M’aiq! “Cereal Box, you are best cereal box. Go to space.” Space Core is resting peacefully on Applejack’s back, they are in an office. The ceiling was blue and the ground covered in tooth picks. Before them was a very tall, robust, and purple skinned man. “Mundo,” he was talking on one of those fancy shmancy, block cell-ur-larrrrrr phones. Both Space Core and Applejack were gawking at this purple man, all fancy in his pink shirt, and those odd looking straps holding his pants up. “Mundooo, Mundo Mundo Mundo Mmmmmuundo. MUNDO!” “Pssst. Cereal Box, I love you. When I go to space, I’m goanna take the space needle, and you along with me,” said Space Core, being quieter than usual. Sensing this, Applejack wanted to take that oversized ball of metal, and buck him into the nearest apple tree. Her face was red, she might be an honest girl, but she was not naïve, she could tell when somepony was telling a dirty joke. “Yea… not a chance, partner.” She said flatly. If it was the nonexistent crowd of people reading this story, or suddenly Space Core spawned 300 other space cores. Made a defining “Aaaaawwwwwww,” coming from all around Applejack. -- “Aaaaawww!” “Did M’aiq hear something? He could have sworn that Space Core was either riding a blue crocodile-elephant to mars, or courting with Applejack. M’aiq thinks that he is riding a crocodile-elephant to mars.” “Aahhh…” “M’aiq also thinks you still need your belly rub!” “I don’t think so!” “Oblivion damnit, Cadence! You always take M’aiq’s wanting to rub Shining Armor, and throw it at his face.” -- Space Core fell off of Applejack’s back. He was not too happy with being rejected. Hell, how does a personality core that is made out of moon metal, yes, moon metal, big yellow eye that just happens to stare into your soul for all eternity, and has an obsession with space, fall in love with a cereal box anyway? Applejack on the other hand, was staring at the hunk of metal. He rolled on the floor, really do mean rolling, he is practically defying gravity. Up the walls, down the walls, over three ninjas having a picnic on the ceiling, into a mail box, and out of Applejack’s hat. All the while, she was eyeing him, stunned to see something that has so many edges on it, would roll like a glass marble and go up walls. She could tolerate that, after all, spending nearly half of her life with a pink pony called Pinkie Pie. She learned to throw logic out the window, just like M’aiq. The thing that got to her, Space Core came out of her hat, he didn’t enter her hat, he came out. She knew better than to question events like this, think Pinkie Pie. Once again, Space Core rested on her back. “Cereal Box, you are best cereal box. Go to space.” “MUNDO! There will be no temporal time reversal in Mundo’s office!” the purple man grabbed a brief case, quite literally from thin air, and threw it, “Mundo sell!” at Applejack and Space Core. They were sent flying through the ceiling, through outer space, through the many worlds floating in space, through time… you get the point. Long story short, they got hit by a brief case, sent through space-time and landed on Jyggalag’s face. The End. Now, it’s M’aiq’s tur- THE END! aw M'aiq and cadence are best friendsHas M'aiq ever told you that M'aiq is a cat? No, he is being serious, M'aiq is a cat. He does not have hands for which he can pick up sweet rolls, fondle them, then put them in his mouth and chew with all of his might. Revering how tasty sweet rolls are. Thinking of sweet rolls has his mouth water with joy. Mmmmmmm... "M'aiq." Sweet rolls... If M'aiq had his hands... "M'aiq." Suddenly, someone is pulling on his left ear. Is someone trying to seduce him? The last time something like that happened, a flame atronach fancied M'aiq. He couldn't feel his head for months... or his body. "M'aiq!" Oh, it's just Cadence. Why is she pulling on M'aiq's ear? Is she a flame atronach too?! “Back! Back you heathen! He will not let you devour his body in flames!” Cadence was not very happy with the way M’aiq talked to her. She lifted him up in the air with her magic. “No! M’aiq is not a bird,” flailing his limbs about, like his life was in danger. Cadance’s eyes were not amused, they were anything but amused. At that moment M’aiq thought he was done for, dead as a lone adventurer being smashed by a giant’s club. Have you seen a giant before? With one stomp, they send you 200 feed in the air, or so M’aiq thought. Either way, he does not want to be pounded. Instead of receiving a giant’s club. He was placed on Cadance’s back. She still looked displeased. But at least M’aiq was no longer in danger of incurring the wrath of the pink pony. It’s not so bad here. M’aiq gets to have view of Celestia’s throne room, all the while not getting stepped on. As he was taking in the room, he noticed Cadence’s hair. It looks very delicious, pink, purple and yellow; he wonders if Cadence wears candy in her hair? There is only one way to find out. That is to taste her hair. He slowly and silently made his way across her back. He was so close that he could practally taste it. Well, he is tasting it, and let him tell you something. It does not taste like candy, just hair, plain old hair. Well this is disappointing, here M’aiq thought candy was interlaced in Cadence’s hair, and all he got was hair. Oh well. He did however, saw something shiny on top of her head. “Ah, M’aiq, what are you doing?” she said puzzled by M’aiq’s attempts to climb her head. He was almost there. He could feel it, the feeling of sinking his fangs in to that delicious morsel that adorned her head, and soon it will adorn his stomach. He wondered if it tasted like chocolate, he hoped it tasted like chocolate it has been awhile since he ate anything outside of rocks and dirt. M’aiq was at the time very homeless and very hungry. Licking his lips, all he had to do was to extend his paw, swipe at the shiny thing and it will be his. He fell over on the ground, but all was not lost. In his failing he managed to grab the shiny thing. Somehow. But it did not mattered, all that mattered was that he had the thing. He opened his mouth as wide as he could and chomped down. OOoooooooOOooOoooooowwwwwwwww… That was not chocolate, that was a metal regalia. M’aiq thinks he is missing a tooth or two… okay he is missing all of them. “All M’aiq wanted was to eat something sweet,” hanging his head down in shame. “There, there, M’aiq. If it will make you feel better, you can have this piece of soft candy.” At this prospect, M’aiq eagerly accepted Cadance’s offering. With the piece of candy held firmly in his paws he took one final bite. He couldn't taste it. "Talos Damnit!" Author's Note Cats cannot taste sweetness. Something Something M'aiqOnce again M'aiq finds himself dislocated in another plain on existence. If he didn't knew any better, he would say that life hated him. “Hay! Invoker! Magic Sucks!” “Really Anti-Mage? Screw you!” What are those two babbling about? M’aiq doesn’t think magicka stinks. How will he be able to heal his pet gold fish, whenever M’aiq mistakes her for lunch? Poor Mr. Bloop, M’aiq knew her well. Or how will he shoot balls of fire? Firing fire balls at mudcrabs, is always fun. Horrible creatures. Then again, archery is pretty fun. M’aiq would always fire an arrow at random adventurers. Although, he wonders why they would become city guards? All he did was shoot them with an arrow. Oh well. “Hay. M’aiq. M’aiq. Hay. Hay. Hay. Hay. M’aiq!” “What is it Space Core?” “Why level up magic or archery? The only skill you need is space.” “Space? That doesn’t even make any sense. M’aiq has never even heard of such a skill. He thinks you have lost your…” Darkness surrounds M’aiq. Then. Darkness! -Insert lousy transition here- M’aiq is starting to get very tired of this. Okay, when he opens his eyes, he will be in Skyrim. Three. Two. One. he opens his eyes. Everywhere around him, on all sides of him, he was surrounded by nothing but crystals. The walls, floor, ceiling and even the furniture itself was made out of crystal. He is unsurprised that this is not Skyrim. Where could he be now? “Who are you?” M’aiq sees a tall white stallion. His mane has matching hues of blue, light, middle and dark blue. He looks really nice. M’aiq wishes he had a glorious mane like his. What’s this? Why does this stallion have a tattoo on his flank? Shield with a pink star in the middle and three blue stars on top of the shield. M’aiq wonders where he could get one of those. He would have one tattooed across his face like nord war paint. Wait. We have fur, not skin. How did they get that on the stallion's flank without making a mess? It looks too perfect. “Aahhh…” The stallion looks around in a distressful fashion. “My name is Shining Armor. What’s yours?” “Shining armor? You don’t look like shining armor. M’aiq’s name is M’aiq.” “Excuse me?” “Your excused.” “No. No. His name is Shining Armor. Talk to him about going into space.” Replied the Space Core. “Oh… M’aiq is very sorry for the confusion.” “No problem.” M’aiq thinks that he is still hurt. Look at him. he practically has bags over his eyes. His horn! It looks like someone slapped black sludge on it and let crystals grow from it! M’aiq should probably cheer him up. “Do you wish to have M’aiq pet you and give you a belly rub?” “I. Ah. What?” M’aiq begins to slowly stroke his mane in a gentle fashion. So very smooth M’aiq’s stroking is. The stallion’s legs cave in. Lying on the ground, he starts to moan. M’aiq soon reaches behind one of Shining Armor’s ears. One finger in the right spot. He melts. His moaning is so great, it nearly collapsed the building down upon us. M’aiq likes it when he is rubbed behind the ears too. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, especially when he is given tuna. Oh, the tuna so great and grand. In M’aiq’s peaceful bliss he failed to notice a unicorn. A surge of energy hits M’aiq, knocking him flat on the ground. Stood before M’aiq is a blushing purple unicorn mare, her horn set ablaze. “Wh-wha. What are you doing to my brother!?” “Before you disembowel M’aiq. Riddle him this. We are order. We are control. No injustice is overlooked; all is seen by our mighty eye. Scrutinizing every fiber of reality, one slip, one mistake; our punishment is swift and clean. What am I?” “Really? Do you really think you can distract me with something like that?” “It was worth a try.” Replied M’aiq. “Now. What did you do…” “Twily. It’s fine. We just… had a moment together…” “A moment? Brother! This… cat… minotaur… THING! Had you moaning like you just got out of bed with Cadence.” “Now, Twi. No need to get personal.” “I… WHAT IS THAT THING?!” The purple unicorn pointed a hoof at Space Core that M’aiq forgot that he was carrying. “SPACEBORN! Wrong game, er, show. I AM! I AM AM! The Allied… nooo. Wrong personality. I am Space Core! The ultimate core. I love space. Send me to spess plz.” “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I bet you know a lot about space too.” “Space? YES! SPACE! I love space. Full of stars, gas giants, planets, constellations, stars. Uh, more stars. And the big dipper. THE BIG DIPPER!” “Here, take him! M’aiq never knew so much about space. It’s making his head come undone!” Twilight's eyes beam with excitement as she levitates Space Core toward her and they proceed to talk about… you guessed it. Space! M’aiq looks around for an exit, a door of some sort, To no avail. So, M’aiq takes the next best thing, he jumps out a window. Which window? He doesn't know, he just picked one and defenestrated himself. How was he supposed to know that the drop was 200 feet off the ground? “Help! M’aiq made a terrible mistake! Now he’s falling! Help!” cried M’aiq. When all hope was lost, a rainbow comes for him. It stanches him up, then slowly lowers him to the ground. Another pony! She has a rainbow colored mane and her coat is a soft blue. M’aiq lowers himself to the ground and starts kissing the mare’s hooves. “Thank you!” kiss. “Thank you!” kiss. “M’aiq thought he was about to meet Molag bal again.” “Uh. Yea. Your welcome… listen I have to get going now…” The rainbow mane pony was a gone as fast as… to oblivion with it! He is just happy to be alive! He surveyed his surroundings. He appears to be in a fair of some sort. Walking to and fro seeing all the attractions, basket weaving, jousting and food stands. M’aiq's stomach growled . He walks over to a nearby pie stand. He loves pie, he really could never get enough pie. With a pie in hand he takes one big sniff. Poison berry? M’aiq loves poison berry! Without any sense of dignity, he slams the pie into his face and begins to take large bites out of it. Pie! Did M’aiq tell you how much he likes pie? M’aiq’s father M’aiq always baked the best pies. They were so good. He would travel from Cyrodiil to Elsweyr just to eat father’s pies. A scream and a whack later. “M’aiq is good house cat.” M’aiq falls over, stars in his mind. Darkness envelops him. Author's Note My mind was in the gutter when I made this. Hope you still like it though. Interlude: It's Sheogorath!Hi! It’s me! Sheogorath! Now, I know what you’re thinking. Where’s M’aiq? I need M’aiq! Well. I’ll let you on a little secret. Come closer. Closer. Closer. Closer. He’s dead! Didn’t see that one coming did ya? Look at you! You should see the look on your face! Oh. Boo. Woo. Did Uncle Sheogorath get your drawers in a knot? Seriously though, he won’t be in these interlude chapters. It will be me, cheese and a death threat written on the back of an Argonian concubine. Anyway, my purpose in this ramshackle this author calls a chapter, is to entertain you, while he is busy thinking up new ways to beat… I mean thinking of new ways of sending him on an adventure and maybe answer a question or two. Well. Have I entertained you yet? No? Will an angry immortal playing skip rope with your entrails keep you entertained? That's what I Thought. Now, BEGONE! I’m doing the french-fry. It’s a delicate state of mind you know. Interlude: Another interlude!Really? Reeaaalllllyyyy?! This is the second interlude in a row! What is wrong with you man? I! Sheogorath! Demand more M'aiq! Give me my M'aiq! I don't care about these darn interludes! Wait. These people wont hear more me! Never mind. Forget about M'aiq. Make more interludes, I want them to hear more of my glorious voice. Now we got that out of the way. Come my little guttersnips, I have a few comments to answer. TheArchive said: Pretty great so far. I didn't notice many mistakes, the story is funny, and everyone seems in-character. You now must have a running gag where M'aiq tries to give Shining Armor a belly rub everytime they see each other, regardless of whether or not they're alone. That said... M'aiqxShining OTP! A running gag where M'aiq tries to belly rub Shining Armor. You sir and/or madam have thought of of the most idiotic, pee brain... AH! just pulling your leg. You sir or madam deserve a chicken dinner or two frost trolls tearing you from limb from limb, your choice. Now as for shipping M'aiq and Shining Armor... all I really can say is this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umDr0mPuyQc&list=WL89ED7FD1F02B7A28 Yes that is a url. The poor man who made this interlude doesn't know what he is doing. What? I have to keep it at least somewhat family friendly. Now one more comment. MetaKnight145 said: What about Stanley the talking grapefruit from passwall? Why, he's right here. Say hi Stanley. "HHHiiiiiiiiii!" Poor boy. Has a high pitched squeal every time he speaks. Never been the same when he was cut in half... Emotions set aside, I feel GREAT! Now BEGONE! I have to spread order throughout the land! HA! Didn't see that one coming did you, Discord? Author's Note I promise, next chapter will be M'aiq. It's Tea Time Mk Whatever: ArrivederciSummoned from giant crystalline structures, the same ones used to invade the Shivering Ales. The knights and priests of order fight in a field, wide as the clear blue skies, with only dirt and grass to impede them. Off in the distance sat the desecrated ruins of Ponyville. Buildings topple over like cardboard cut outs. Cotton candy clouds dominated the sky raining down explosive chocolate rain on the poor ponies that reside in Ponyville, wishing that their homes where not made out of cardboard. To the opposite side of the town, was Canterlot. It was still peaceful, protected by Luna’s shield spell. Luckily, Discord failed at apprehending the nightly mare, he was none too pleased. The priests were throwing bolts of lighting, always hitting their target with deadly precision. Focusing on an ursa minor, electricity flew through the air, sending the bear into a short spaz. He shrugged it off, in a fit of rage, he charged at the priests, sending them flying in all directions. A lowly priest had the unlucky fate of being crushed by his paw. The knights on the other hand, had a winning streak against their foe. Blocking the enemy’s attack with their shield, sending their foe into daze. Then, with a simple thrust of their sword into their attacker’s heart, the enemy moved to the afterlife, a simple yet effective tactic. Crushing the ground beneath them, the knights advanced forward, using their blood soaked swords to literally carve a path of bodies. The army of order fought in trance, shouting their war cries “Waaaaahhhh!” they thought that nothing could stop them. Rightfully so, the enemy was faltering, and their numbers were shrinking, one could almost hear the voice of chaos crying in pain. The army, commanded by me, was determined to eliminate all chaos. The Greymarch was in full effect. Even though I have I know all outcomes and can subtract all environmental factors, limiting the energy required to move an army. Ever since the defeat of me by the hands of ME and the Champion Cyrodiil, things have been more random lately. Throughout history, I have been ignoring events that I could not foresee, passing them off as some sort of glitch in reality. My perception has changed, randomization does exist, and individuality is not an illusion, making souls like me and mortals in charge of their own fate. But, that does not mean fate doesn’t shape them. Discord’s army is a stifling one; I can’t see into the future, allowing me to know all of their movements, making for a quick victory, it’s all a blur. I can however, take my current situation, and make predictions. As far as I know, his army is good as dead. Guided by my invisible hand, my army carved a path straight to Discord. He sits upon a throne of pink and stone. He is obviously not happy to see me. “Just when I get rid of a daedra, I get another! But you, for the most part have been a pain in my ass. You summon your army of filth, drive them into my kingdom, break my playthings, and block my path to Luna,” annoyance is the key word here. Whether be it from him talking or me breaking his army, it could have gone both ways. Blinded by rage, Discord leapt from his throne straight into my left hand. Not the brightest plan he had, I might add. Slowly smashing the life out of his neck, he tried to teleport away, I prevented any such actions. It’s amazing at what an antimagic field can do, granted, I can’t use magic myself. But, I don’t need magic to send him toward the ground, and pile drive his skull. That is what I exactly did by the way. I have something special in store for this little bastard, a little gift that Sheogorath dropped, and Discord never really paid attention to. Shame really, could of made him really powerful and win him this battle, but not even fate bows to gods. In this form, I maybe a deity of order, but the Wabbajack still recognize me as Sheogorath. I decided to play a little role reversal; normally the staff causes untold amounts of chaos when used. Instead of spewing out chaos, it will act as a vacuum of sorts. “What have you done to me?!” surprise! Discord is now angrier than before. “I took away your power, living amongst the mortals. How does it feel?” Discord for the most part didn’t say a word and gave me a death glare. He really must hate being a mortal. I wonder who made him hate mortality so much? It is only natural. That does not concern me, I am left with another daunting task. What am I going to do with him? I could turn him into stone again, but, that wouldn’t really teach him a lesson. Ah! A few centuries with Molag Bal might straighten him out. I know me and Mole Leg Balls never got along, but maybe an offering will get me on his better side. Discord is still giving me a death glare. I decided it was too much of a hassle to even speak and sent him on his merry way. The battle I just had with him. It felt short; I would toy with my enemy. Leading them into falsehood, than just when they think the tides of battle turned to their favor, that is where the fun begins. Seeing the faces they make brings a smile to my face. Normally anyway, In the case of Discord, I wanted nothing to do with him. Quick and undeceive, clean and simple, I never really could tolerate beings like him. Yet, I find calmness in Sheogorath, the being that represents everything I hate. Whenever I become him, all of that hatred melts off and because of that, I have grown fond of Sheo. With that said and done, time to visit a princess. At the castle, more specifically Celestia’s room, Luna was sitting by her sister. Her head was on her sister’s chest, peacefully sleeping. Poor dear, drove herself fatigued, the shield spell did her no justice. I placed one of my hands on Luna’s head. I slowly began to rub my way through her mane. Mist and energy that is what her mane is made out of, but still feels like hair. I bend down to her ears and softly whispered. “Luna, your sister is fine. Leave it to me. I will see to it that she is at full health.” Just like that, she relaxed,she relaxed to a point were not even fire cracker could wake her up. Huh. I thought it was going to take more than words to calm her down. Whatever, I'll take it. I wonder what happen to M’aiq and the element bearers? And that one guard, maybe Space Core too.
As Told by M'aiqM’aiq does not know where he is. He sees a bunch of multicolored ponies. Did M’aiq eat a skooma sandwich again? He is holding a white ball of metal that is muttering something about space. All M'aiq was doing was sleeping like he always does, curdle up in a ball with the stars shining down upon him. He wakes up standing over a broken bot of flowers with ponies looking at him, as if they all seen a ghost pass them by. He does not like this one bit. He thinks he sees several white ponies in golden armor coming toward him. “Ssshhh. Here come space cops. Here come space cops.” You don't say? “Stop right there criminal scum. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit.” “M’aiq does not know what he has done wrong, nor does he have coin.” “Then I hope you rot.” Said a guard pony. "Space. Trial. Of the system on trial, in space. Space system. On trial! GUILTY...of being in space! GO TO SPACE JAIL!" Replied the white ball. One of guards was a unicorn, his horn glowing, M'aiq soon found himself in a prison. He is surprise to see how adequately spaced this cell is, it even has a very soft, lustrous golden bed. This is nothing like those dimly lit and damp cells back at Skyrim. Horrible places. He sits on his bed and thinks. What did he do? Guard ponies, or what he thinks are guard ponies, accuse M’aiq of committing a crime and throws him in jail. M’aiq's face swells up, his fur wet. Next to him was the white ball, standing by as it gave no care in the world around itself. “Space.” They threw this thing in with M’aiq? It does not matter. He at least has something to talk to, to stave off the loneliness. But, M’aiq does not feel like talking. Oh well. Maybe, if he takes a nap, he will wake up and find this all but a mere dream. Vaermina always likes giving people bad dreams. The mention of Vaermina makes him tremble. He enters his bed and slowly drifts into a waking sleep, with the occasional “Space,” disturbing his slumber, hoping Vaermina releases him from his dream. The cell door slowly opens. A guard walks through with a spear in tow. M’aiq wakes up and much to his plight he finds himself still in a cell. “Prisoner! The princesses will now see you.” Said the generic guard pony. “Mhmmhmm. Can’t M’aiq have 5 more minutes?” Replied M’aiq. “Do not keep the princesses waiting you swine!” “Alright, alright. M’aiq will go to these princesses… wait. More than one princess wishes to see M’aiq?” “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They want to see you. Now.” “Celestia? Luna? M’aiq thought they were giant round orbs in the sky. He certainly did not think they could rule a kingdom. He means, how does a giant ball of gas and a moon rule a kingdom? M’aiq cannot fathom this.” “Such incompetence!” the guard holds in both of his hooves a spear of glistening white. He points it toward M’aiq’s throat. He looks to his left to find the white ball standing idly by, then at the guard who has an iron grip on his throat. His eyes widen, begging for mercy. “Better. Now, come with me. Take that… thing with you too.” M’aiq quickly picks up the metal ball. “Calling space cops. Space cops help!” he then follows the guard out of the cell and down a series of hallways to an unknown destination. On the way there, he once again caught the white ball talking about space and is wondering what it meant. “Metal ball. What is this ‘space’ you speak of?” “Space? Space is space. Empty, cold and full of stuff.” “Sounds like Molag bal’s oblivion if it was frozen over. What kind of stuff is in space? M’aiq wishes to know.” “Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Space. Stars. Orion’s belt. Cancer. Saturn. More stars. The big dipper. THE BIG DIPPER! SPAAACCCE! Uhg uhg. Space.” “M’aiq thinks that he should have left you back at his cell.” We arrived at a door. what are the properties of this door? M’aiq does not know, use your imagination, he is far too busy talking to his new friend about space. The guard pony pushes the door open, and steps off to the side. “Their royal majesties will now see you.” M’aiq steps into the room, he is amazed to see how many books are in this room. Not one inch or corner is left bare. To the center of this, what is assumed to be a study as it was to small, more akin to a bed room, sat a lovely dark blue, gold incrusted carpet. On this carpet stood two chairs, either one of them being blue or white and on these chairs sat two winged unicorns, with both matching the color of their seat, peacefully reading an unknown book. To the front of these beings, sat a fireplace, blazing in fury as it lit the room for its reading occupants and provided warmth to them, to fight off the harsh cold. “M’aiq, was it? Please. Come over here and make yourself comfortable.” Said the white winged unicorn. Does M’aiq really need to say what has been done? Fine. M’aiq walks over to the one who has spoken his name. the white one looks at the white metal ball with curiosity. The metal ball acknowledging this looks toward the winged unicorn with its. One. Big. Solitary. Yellow. Eye. Imagine how scary it would be if you had a big yellow eye staring at you. M’aiq would run for the hills. “Who’s your little friend?” “Spaceborn. I am SPACEBORN! As foretold. By space! Wait. No. No. No. Wrong game, I mean show. I am Space Core. I like space. Is that Luna? Luna! I’M WITH LUNA! LLLLUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNAAAAAAA!” replied Space Core. A few giggles later. A lot later. Seriously? How long does it take for two girls to stop giggling like little girls? “We are glad to see we have a fan.” Said the blue princess. “How rude of us. Let me introduce ourselves. I am Princess Celestia and she is Princess Luna.” “It is a pleasure. M’aiq wishes you all well.” “Likewise.” Replied Luna. “Listen. I know you’re wondering where you are, but you do not belong here. With Crystal Empire showing up, times have been hard. To my regret, I have to send you back. Otherwise I would be honored to have you as my guest and let you stay in Equestria for a month or two.” Said a sadden Celestia. “M’aiq understands. He would be very pleased to go back home.” “Very well. One more thing. Sorry for throwing you into a jail cell, the royal guard has been on edge lately.” “M’aiq forgives.” Celestia smiles. “Sister.” The two sisters stand up, close their eyes and began to chant in unison. “Mittere haec anima retro ad origo sic et nos in pace vivunt.” -one arbitrary displacement later- This is not Skyrim. Where is all the snow? The mountains? Still no caterpillars. Where did M’aiq go this time? “Blink dagger. AAUAAAGAUAGAHUAGHAAA!” “Blink dagger? Really?” “Space dagger! To space.” M’aiq should have listened to his father M’aiq and stayed home. Author's Note First Story. Yadda yadda. If you find any grammar errors be sure to point them out. Or if you want more meat on the bones, I think I can throw an idea or two out.
Here Comes M'aiqM’aiq is out cold. What could he do now? He knows! He will get 45.5413 puppies and jungle them with his tail, while reciting Ragnar the Red and eating the world’s rarest truffle. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a dream? No? M’aiq is very disappointed in you. “Hello. Slave.” He is not a slave. He is M’aiq. His eyes shoot wide open. Revealed to M’aiq was a… gas unicorn? Gas. Unicorn. Unicorn and gas. A unicorn that is made out of gas? “Hello. Toy.” “Moo. M’aiq is a buffalo. Moo.” “Cute…” What do you want M’aiq to do? Pretended that he is the Elf Queen of the Thalmor? “M’aiq thinks that you look like a bumbling idiot.” Said an unamused M'aiq “Fool! Do you know who I am? I am King Sombra!” he said boastfully. “And M’aiq is a liar. Believe none of those things.” “How dare you.” Irritation raised in his voice. Off in the distance, coming from the castle. An alarm type sound was heard. “Aahh… I will deal with you later.” Sombra left toward the crystal castle. M’aiq looked as confused as he was hungry. he never really finished that pie. He started to walk around. He noticed that the fairground was mostly empty. Where did all the ponies go? If he encountered a gas unicorn, he would run too. he continues to walk until he is met with a crowd of ponies. They seem to be encircling a covered up statue. He wonders what it could be. A pontoon? Wait. What’s a pontoon? Why would M’aiq say such an absurd thing like that? A pony bumps into the covered statue knocking over its cover along with a crystal in the shape of a heart, this heart is sent flying toward M'aiq. WHACK! Agh. Gah. Bleh. M’aiq is okay. He might be growing a horn now. But, he is okay. “He’s back! I can’t take it!” screamed a pony. Were those stars there before? he is never quite sure about these sorts of things. another heart is sent flying and whacks him in the chest. This whack sends M’aiq flying to a giant snow flake inscribed on the ground. Two sharp blue pillars come up from the ground and down the celling. It’s a good thing M’aiq was standing off to the side or else he would become a Khajiit bob. M’aiq tries to walk away. But, his hand seems to be glued to the heart. How did his left hand get glued to the crystal? Did a glue fairy glue M’aiq's hand to this stone? If so, he can add one more thing to M’aiq’s list of M’aiq do not want, it will sit up there along with mudcrabs. The crystal glows with a brilliant white light. Energy is sent through the entirety of his body. His body convulses, leaving no room for voluntary movement. “M’aiq is in great pain!” Glue fairy, M’aiq will get you! A little zap there, burnt fur there and a nice cozy fire perched on top of M’aiq’s tail. “M’aiq is on fire! Someone! Help M’aiq!” He is drenched in water. Coldness surrounds him, his body moving ever so slightly. M’aiq wishes for warm sands now. At least his hand is free now. “Gosh, partner. Didn’t realize you were there. Sorry ‘bout that.” Call out an orange mare. “M’aiq thinks that you are insensitive.” “Well gosh. Is there anythin’ Ah can do tah make ya feel better?” “Pet M’aiq.” “Okay. By the way mah name’s Applejack.” “Hello Applejack. M’aiq wishes you well. Now, pet M’aiq” Applejack places one of her fore hooves on M’aiq’s head. He enjoys the way Applejack pets M’aiq. So soft. Wait. NO! This is painful! It feels like someone took a stump and harshly rubbed it against your face. He did not wish for this. “SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” M’aiq never thought his back could bend like that. His face flat on the ground. He lays motionless. Space Core sits peacefully on M’aiq’s back. “space. Ohh. Hay lady. Lady. Lady. Hay lady. Who are you?” “Mah name’s Applejack.” “Applejack? Are. Are. Are you a cereal box?” “Beg your pardon?” “Cereal box! When I go to space, you will be the very first cereal box to go to space. Go to space with me.” “But Ah’m a pony.” Her eyes widen and her ears set aback. “Noooo. You’re a cereal box! Go. To. Space.” Irritated, M'aiq rolled over knocking Space Core off his back in the process. “Argh. What are you two complaining about? M’aiq can’t handle all of these noises.” “Hello, M’aiq. Meet cereal box.” “Serial box? What? M’aiq only sees an orange pony with a weird looking hat.” “Cereal box. Not pony. Cereal box. Let’s take her to space with us.” “Space Core. What is M’aiq going to do with you? And it’s Serial” “Cereal.” “Serial.” “Cereal.” “Serial.” Pink flash. Pink pony. On top of M’aiq’s back. Again. “What are you doing Meany Mic’mean Pants?” “Hi pink pie! Go to space with me and cereal box.” “ENOUGH! M’aiq had enough!” M’aiq threw the pink pony off of him. Fire in his eyes. Both of his hands were as hot as the sun itself. He put them together, and out came the dragon’s breath. Space Core, Applejack and the pink pony all screamed in horror. Before the Khajiit’s furry reached them, a chief’s delight came forth and shielded them. It dissipated the fire, but at a cost. It sat on the ground, burnt to a crisp. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! M’aiq burnt his sweet roll!” M’aiq rushed over to his sweet roll and spoke.“sweet roll! Can you hear M’aiq?” So brittle the roll, with the slightest touch, it could crumble. M’aiq did not care. He picked up his sweet roll up and it burst into its core elements. “NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Tears filled his eyes. “M’aiq promises he will never let his angry get the better of him again. M’aiq promises to you sweet roll! He will always remember you!” cereal box, he mean, Applejack stands up, walks over to the grief stricken Khajiit and pats him on the back. “It’s okay. Ah’m sure we can get Pinkie Pie over there tah bake you a new sweet roll.” “really?” “Really really.” M’aiq picks Applejack and gives her the most joyous hug that he could muster. So grateful M’aiq is, he could lick her. Not in a sensual way, no. It is tradition among us Khajiit to lick instead of kiss to show affection toward the opposite sex. It is the same way that you would kiss your mother on the cheek. “Woah! Slow down there partner. We need to get room first if ya gonna pull that off,” Applejack giggles. “Now. Let’s get your tail patched up. It looks more burnt than the sky on the 4th of July. Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Dang nabit! Where did she run off to this time?” This is going to be a long day. It does not matter to M’aiq. He is sleepy. Time for M’aiq’s cat nap! he curls up into a ball on the ground. Passing off the missing mare in action, as nothing more than a slightly lost friend of Applejack. He failed to notice a lizard from behind. Whack! “M’aiq’s back! Not again!”
Interlude... I mean M'aiq!Here once again lays M’aiq, throbbing in pain. He wonders who or what hit him? A quick look around reveals a small chubby green and purple dragon. Normally, he would run away from the sight of such a creature. Always, wanting to tear M’aiq’s face off and brew it in a stew. The little dragon looks like he’s a baby. M’aiq could pick him up a squeeze as hard as he can and pinch those little lizard cheeks. That is what exactly what M’aiq did. “Hay! Whoa! Hahahaha! That tickles! Put me down!” “M’aiq does not care. He thinks you are very adorable.” The little dragon smells good too. So good, he could just lick him. he extends his tongue out and licks the dragon. “Eeeeeeewwwwwwww,” cried the dragon. He tasted like… well… If M’aiq said that the dragon tasted like candy. He would be lying. The dragon tasted like dirt. Plain old fashion dirt. It will take M’aiq days to get this awful taste out of his mouth. “Aaaaahhhhhh!” cried a soft feminine voice. A quick thump to the head later. -Insert transition here, because the author was too lazy to say what happened- M’aiq is starting to think that no one likes him. He wakes up in a pink bed. Of all things. Why would they place him in a pink bed? Ponies on all sides look at him. They have very large eyes, he wonders if he can use them as dinner plates. “Hi M’aiq! Guess who’s here. Cereal box, pink pie, a rare diamond pony, flutterbutter, dashing rainbow and a book that I have a low opinion about that has sparkling vampires! Let’s take them to space.” “Ah’m not a cereal box!” retorted Applejack. “Shush, cereal box.” Replied Space Core. M’aiq thinks with the right amount of cuddling those two would be the best of friends. That set aside, M’aiq feels like he’s been to oblivion and back. “M’aiq has to ask. Who hit M’aiq?” “I… I… I… I did.” Said the butter yellow pegasus in a faint whisper. “Tell M’aiq why you hit him.” At this point M’aiq was fed up with getting hit. Now he is dead serious. He looks at the pegasus with cold eyes. “I… I…” tears swell up in her eyes. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO EAT SPIKE! WAAAHHH!” She brought her fore hooves to her face, tears streaming down. M’aiq feels terrible now. How could he have made a fragile mare cry? He is no khajiit; he is a… something that makes ponies cry. He should hug her. “M’aiq forgives you for hitting him and he is sorry for making you cry. Hug M’aiq.” She wipes the tears from her face. Her hooves stretch out in front of M’aiq. He returns the favor, his arms sweep her of the ground, chest meeting chest. His arms reach around the her body, increasing in tightness. Both of their heads rest peacefully on each others shoulder. She coos, her head slowly rubbing against M’aiq. A door opens wide. Shining Armor steps through. He approaches the bed holding with him a pot of flowers and a box that says chocolate. M’aiq lets go of the pegasus. He looks at Shining Armor. “I see that you and Fluttershy are getting along. I heard what happened to you and picked you up a little something.” Shining Armor hands M’aiq a pot of flowers and box of chocolate. “That is sweet of you. M’aiq will enjoy eating these flowers and planting these ‘chocolate’” Everyone in the room laughs. What? Did Sanguine paint his face purple again? Not that M’aiq is complaining. But why purple? “Hahaha! No. You eat chocolate.” Replied Shining Armor. “Oh… M’aiq will enjoy eating them then. By the way, M’aiq has not given you your belly rub.” “That is quite alright.” He said in a nervous tone. There was no time for words. M’aiq gets out of bed, with only one thing in mind. Belly rub. He flips Shining Armor on his back. M’aiq was ready. He raised his hands high into the air, but before he could come clashing down onto the poor stallion’s belly. Another door opens. “What are you doing to my husband?” M’aiq looks at the mysterious wife of Shining Armor. “M’aiq was going to give him a belly rub. His name is M’aiq, nice to meet you.” “Yes… I’ve heard of you. Along with all of that moaning. Tell me. How did you get him to moan like that?” “That’s easy.” Replied M’aiq. M’aiq places his hand behind Shining Armor’s ear and begins to rub it. Shining Armor moans. How does the roof over our heads not fall? He is moaning like he had two hag witches sleep with him. Don’t ask M’aiq how he knows that. “M’aiq! Stop that!’ cried Twilight. M’aiq stops. “Thank you M’aiq. My name is Candace,” said the cheerful pink pony. Why is she so happy all of a sudden? M’aiq didn’t do anything to make her happy. Did he? The only reason he could think… of… oh… he no longer wants to be on this subject. A guard comes rushing through the door. “Discord has escaped! We need the Elements of Harmony!” Everyone shouts in a perfect simultaneous angelic chorus. “What?” “Discord? Discord! Noooo! He destroyed space! I don’t want space be destroyed again! SEND ME TO SPACE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Who is Discord? M’aiq wants to know.” “No time to explain! Follow me everypony!” said the guard. Down a hall. Down a hall. Down another hall. How many halls does this castle have? It’s making his head spin. After going down another hall, we are met with two giant purple, gold incrusted doors. The guard pony opens these doors. Note to M’aiq: Do not anger a guard pony. LOOK AT HIM! A little pony that barely meets up to M’aiq’s neck line, is pushing two giant doors that look like they could weigh as much as a full grown mammoth, all by himself. As soon as the doors open, we find ourselves in garden. This was the most beautiful garden M'aiq had ever seen. Roses, tulips and daisies encircled a white stone table, three plush chairs surround it and sitting in these chairs are beings that he never wanted to see in one place. The goddess of the sun, spirit of chaos and our favorite homicidally insane prince.
It's Tea TimeWarning: Sheogorath has entered the fray. Sudden change in POV. You’ve been warned. Roses are red, and dandelions are white. Tulips are tulips. Roses, tulips and dandelions slowly drifting in the spring wind. Celestia is peacefully sipping her tea, occasionally snipping Discord a quick glance whenever he tries to move from his seat, then back to her tea cup like nothing ever happened. Boring. Discord on the other hand looks like he’s ready to explode. He can’t help but to nervously squirm like Mehrunes Dagon staring at him with his big ugly face. Have you seen Mehrunes Dagon’s face? Puke green with horns sticking out if his head. You think Stendarr would have mercifully given him a new face? One that is round, pink and most importantly squishy. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to bash his face in with my cheese hammer. Always talking about change and how he’s going to conquer Tamriel. Blah. Blah. Good for him. Now, come over here so I can hit you with a mackerel! And yes, I do mean you viewer. Why? Because I can. And Sheogorath sits. Wait. That’s me! Here I sit in my suit with one side colored red and the other being purple, both respectively representing Mania and Dementia. Off to the right side of me is the Wabbajack, I could never really tell you why I brought it with me. It’s good fun turning your enemies in to sweet rolls, but I will probably give to another poor soul, like I did with that one dragonborn fella. Unlike the other two whom were either squirming or sipping their tea. I was eating a cupcake that I had gotten from a pink pony called Pinkie Pie, sweet girl, and random too, I think Discord and Pinkie would make an excellent couple. Anyway, I was probing at my cupcake with my Fork of Horripilation, not sure what to make of it. Sure, sure, it looks like a cupcake, rainbow frosting and everything. Setting suspicion aside, I took the cupcake in hand and shamelessly shoved it into my mouth. That’s a good cupcake, taste like rainbows and gasoline. Discord being the little trouble make he is, stands up in irritation. “I had enough! I want go out and make some CHAOS! Not sit here drinking tea. Besides you brought HER!” “Well excuuuuusssse me! What if I wanted to have tea party and entertain you for the next 1000 years? I broke you out of that flimsy stone prison and I got her, because you looked lonely. If you know what I mean.” I said back. “I DON’T CARE! Although, I do have to admit. Who are you?” “Who am I? WHO AM I!? If you’re the guy that made a crappy alicorn oc, then you can call me MARY SUE! Because, I’m gonna skip rope with your entrails! If not. Then it’s Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Charmed.” “A daedra? Bah! Useless creatures.” Celestia shot Discord a mad glare. “Now, Discord. That is no way to treat our host. Or would you rather be turned to stone again?” “I” was the only word he got when I magically spawned a mackerel in one of my hands and slapped it a crossed his silly face. Don’t tell me, that face of his isn’t worse than Mehrunes Dagon? At least with Mehrunes Dagon he has some constancy. Look at me! I’m Discord! I got one iris bigger than the other one and two different types of horns. Not even Stendarr the God of Mercy and Makeovers can fix his ugly mug. “Holy mackerel!” cried Discord. “How very observant of you.” I replied back Discord not being pleased with having been slapped with a fish, puts one of his paws forward and channels pure chaotic energy. Me being the young brilliant daedra that I am grab the Wabbajack and turn him into a sweet roll. “Discord, I knew you were always sweet on the inside,” Celestia sang cheerfully. Discord transforms back into his good old self, looking angrier than before. “That was not entertaining.” Directing his attention to me. “No? Will an angry immortal playing skip robe with your entrails keep you entertained?” “No.” “How about a two flame atronachs serenading you?” “Maybe.” He said in a monotone voice “FLAME ATRONACHS IT IS!” I put forth my hands, glowing with an eerie gray. Directing the summons toward somewhere nearby. With a flash of a white light, out came two pony shaped atronachs. “Really? Pony shaped? No matter. You two! Yes, you! Sing to my friend over here, the song of cheese.” The atronachs caught up in the attention began to sing. “Blaaaaaarrh! WWWAaaaahhhHHH! FLIASDLJN! OI OIAJO!” Aaahhh… well, I have to admit, it’s not the prettiest thing that has happened in this era, but you can do worse. “Never mind. You two stink. BEGONE! Before I… give you a biscuit? No. Cook me dinner? No. Make you gods amongst the mortals? No. What do you do to flame atronachs again? I KNOW! I will hang you by one your hooves over a pit of molten chocolate, while I get Loki the Norse God of Trickery to hit you with a sharp pointy stick called Willump and I force feed you CHEESE!” the atronachs were gone faster than you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. By the way, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is terrible word to use in a story. DON’T USE IT! A door opens. What? A door opens. What more do you want me to say? A khajiit, a space core and six ponies walk into a garden tea party. What do you do? SKIN THEM ALIVE! Wait. No. That wouldn’t be much of a story if they died. So I greeted them instead. “Hello, my faithful subjects! No. Wrong character. Hello! Come over! We’re having a tea party! We have tea, ginger snaps, whatever those are, and my personal favorite. CHEESE! It’s to die for. No, really, if you eat my cheese you’ll die.” Everyone or should I say everypony, a personality core and khajiit are just standing there stunned like they seen Hermaeus Mora take a bath. “Princess Celestia?” Did that purple unicorn pony just talk? Oh wait. I’m in world full of talking ponies. Author's Note Used slightly different writing style with this one.
It's Tea Time Mk II: Order over ChaosCelestia floats in the air, her wings flap synchronistically to her heart beat. Her sweat covers her body, muscles scream in pain, begging to be laid to rest. Heavily breathing, coughing up blood, she looks toward Discord, who was low on the ground, her eyes burning in rage to rival the sun. Her horn glows, she sends a bolt of pure golden energy toward Discord. As the bolt neared Discord, it stopped midway as if oblivion itself intervened. It turned into a brilliant pink cloud. It stood afloat in the air, not one minute has passed, and it continues to sit there. When boredom was about to get the better on both of them, the cloud burst into a cold purple block of fire, to only imploded later into flying tangerine colored eels. They flew to Celestia encasing her limbs, neck and chest. They clench their bodies over Celestia’s wings, with a deafening cracking of bones, she fell screaming in bloody agony straight to the ground. Thud! The ground was littered with the body of the white alicorn. The eels were gone as if they were never there to begin with, though, the bloody marks that cover her and snapped wings told otherwise. Discord walked up to Celestia, giving a wicked smile, his eyes filled with torment form ages long since. He looks at her and spoke in a sadistic mocking manner. “Oh Celestia! My poor Celestia! Once a ruler of a great kingdom and patron of the sun itself! Now look at you! Lying on the ground in a bloody mess, hopeless to stop my advances.” Celestia slightly raises her head of the ground with blood filled tears. “Screw you.” “It’s time to go to sleep, dear.” Discord lifts one of his hooves and gently places it over her neck, gently increasing pressure. He was savoring the agony he brought to her. She squirmed as much as her injured body allowed her to, she begged, no, pleaded for him to stop. When he had enough of her whining, he delivered the final blow. When the pressure on Celestia’s neck was too much to bear, it resonated with a sickly popping sound. Discord looks toward me with those same tormented eyes. “Now it’s your turn.” How DARE he spoil my TEA PARTY! This calls for plan kick discord’s cookies back into oblivion. My face was as red and hot as a flame atronach. There was nothing on body and in my mind that did not convey my complete and utter hatred for him. I wanted to string him by the neck over an oak tree and flay him of all of his skin and meat off of his putrid bones. I walk over to my Wabbajack that was sticking head first half way in the ground. I picked it off the ground, holding it gently between by hands. The head of the staff has seen better days, but it still had its trio of heads that opened tall and wide with empty eyes, of course nothing was there to begin with. It was colored red, deep crimson red, this was not its usual color, but this staff happens to be really good at bashing in the skulls of stupid mortals or pissed off deities, like Discord. I faced Discord who was eager for a fight. “COME ON! I have pony lives to make miserable. Fight me already!” shouted Discord He wants to fight so badly? So be it! The staff shook as I began to charge it, it glowed red in the process, as it was about to erupted with the furry of my mind. I released the bottled energy and sent it straight toward his ugly face. There was no silly dances, insane jabbering or carrot dueling. I wanted him dead, no ifs, ands or buts. Dead. Now. So help me, if I fail, I will turn his world asunder. As the bolt of madness was reaching its destination, I felt the energy of this world surround the bolt, propelling it at an ever increasing rate, as if the world itself was telling Discord that he was no longer welcomed here. Simultaneously, I could also feel the forces of chaos, Discord’s chaos, working against the bolt, slowing it down and trying to break it down into a simpler system, so he can manipulate it and turn it against me like he did with Celestia. This was of no consequence to me, for I was bolstering the bolt with my own insane energy, counteracting his chaos. With the bolt supported by the world and my own madness, it struck dead center. He stands unmoving, not a flinch was seen. His wicked eyes continuously stared into mine, silently judging every aspect of my inner spirit. Now it was his turn. He now stood hunched, arms wide and legs apart, bearing his sharp uneven teeth. He was a tiger, ready to pounce on his more than aware prey. With the use of his wings he jumps into the air, landing in front of me. Without a moment’s thought, he lifted his right paw, revealing his claws, and sent it crashing down. Luckily, I was able to use the Wabbajack to stop his attack from putting a scratch on my clothes. Unfortunately, Discord used his left talons to put a rather nasty deep bloody gash up my right forearm to my shoulder and a crossed my upper chest. I winced at the slash, my body was crying out in pain, but I showed no weakness, I stood resolute. He jumped back to a safe distance, taking in pride of his handy work. My arm and chest bled, as bad as it may seem, no mortal wound, no matter how severe will never kill a daedra. I dropped the staff and ripped off my damaged sleeve, not giving a care in the world. I twirled and twisted my good arm. I pulled from the realms of oblivion, a sword, it was adorned with blood red trimming, its slightly curved hilt and pommel was black, it’s serrated edge threaten to cut those who oppose it in half. With this edge curving to a point at the tip and its back side was as black and blunt as an ebony mace. Lowered to my side, held by a firm hand, the blade was ready to spill blood. I took to the sky, landing behind Discord. I thrust my sword at him. He twisted his body around my sword. He swirled his head around, backside meeting front face, lunging his head toward my left shoulder. His teeth dug in, violently rocking back and forth, breaking bone in this action. I did not care. I withdrew my sword from the folds of his entangled body. Plunging it into Discord’s neck, forcing him to release his grip on my shoulder and scream in agony. “How dare you harm a god of chaos! I will make you suffer!” Oh! I’m sorry. Did I poked a hole in the over gown mutant’s neck? I could care less for this abomination. With a wave of his hand, he brought forth a spear and sent it flying toward my heart. I summoned the Wabbajack to my side in hope of stopping the spear. The spear went through the openings of the staff and impaled me in the chest. Discord leaped forward, grabbing hold of the handle of the spear and lifted it along with me. I screamed as the head tore deeper into me, slowly sliding down the spear, slicing bone, past my heart, then finding itself past the other side of my body. Slamming the spear down, burying the head in the ground. My head recoiled, producing a dull thud. With my skill cracked, and mind dazed, he took the sword out of his neck and threw it out of arm’s reach. With the spear still held firmly within his grasp, he twisted and turned the spear, to his sick amusement, causing me as much grief as his demented mind allowed. I can’t continue. He is too much for me to handle. He is feeding off of my madness and the chaos that I am generating. Can a daedra die? No. I don’t think so. This is certainly no walk in a zombie infested playground. What is this emotion? Despair. I hate it. I hate it as much as broccoli. “I can feel it. Your despair, it pleases me. If only I could prolong that suffering, but as with all plays, it must come to a come to a close. Good bye, you filthy daedra.” Discord pleased with my state, released the spear as my world turned black. “Ahh… what a sublime way of ending things. With that daedra and Celestia out of the way, there is nopony to stop me and get in between me and my play things, that is the ponies. But what of Celestia’s sister, Luna? Ah. I could turn her into Nightmare Moon. No. That is overused. I know! ” with a devilish grin, he poofed into a cloud of butterflies. I know daedra can’t die. But is this what it’s like to be dead? It feels very calm, and orderly. I feel like I know every detail of the world and every action, whether god, mortal, or daedra. The future is of no mystery to me, for I already know. Certainty and predestination, presides all. I can hear the ponies crying out in pain, wanting their misery to end. My body phases out of existence. In a loud booming voice. “Here me! My body torn asunder, mind made anew and with that a new body. I have heard your pleading cries, fear not. Order will be restored. For not, I am Jyggalag, Daedroth of Logical Order and Deduction, and Daedric Prince of Order.”
Mini Adventure: Attack of the Space CerealA/N: M’aiq will be in the next chapter and until the end of the story. Yay! Finally, M’aiq! “Cereal Box, you are best cereal box. Go to space.” Space Core is resting peacefully on Applejack’s back, they are in an office. The ceiling was blue and the ground covered in tooth picks. Before them was a very tall, robust, and purple skinned man. “Mundo,” he was talking on one of those fancy shmancy, block cell-ur-larrrrrr phones. Both Space Core and Applejack were gawking at this purple man, all fancy in his pink shirt, and those odd looking straps holding his pants up. “Mundooo, Mundo Mundo Mundo Mmmmmuundo. MUNDO!” “Pssst. Cereal Box, I love you. When I go to space, I’m goanna take the space needle, and you along with me,” said Space Core, being quieter than usual. Sensing this, Applejack wanted to take that oversized ball of metal, and buck him into the nearest apple tree. Her face was red, she might be an honest girl, but she was not naïve, she could tell when somepony was telling a dirty joke. “Yea… not a chance, partner.” She said flatly. If it was the nonexistent crowd of people reading this story, or suddenly Space Core spawned 300 other space cores. Made a defining “Aaaaawwwwwww,” coming from all around Applejack. -- “Aaaaawww!” “Did M’aiq hear something? He could have sworn that Space Core was either riding a blue crocodile-elephant to mars, or courting with Applejack. M’aiq thinks that he is riding a crocodile-elephant to mars.” “Aahhh…” “M’aiq also thinks you still need your belly rub!” “I don’t think so!” “Oblivion damnit, Cadence! You always take M’aiq’s wanting to rub Shining Armor, and throw it at his face.” -- Space Core fell off of Applejack’s back. He was not too happy with being rejected. Hell, how does a personality core that is made out of moon metal, yes, moon metal, big yellow eye that just happens to stare into your soul for all eternity, and has an obsession with space, fall in love with a cereal box anyway? Applejack on the other hand, was staring at the hunk of metal. He rolled on the floor, really do mean rolling, he is practically defying gravity. Up the walls, down the walls, over three ninjas having a picnic on the ceiling, into a mail box, and out of Applejack’s hat. All the while, she was eyeing him, stunned to see something that has so many edges on it, would roll like a glass marble and go up walls. She could tolerate that, after all, spending nearly half of her life with a pink pony called Pinkie Pie. She learned to throw logic out the window, just like M’aiq. The thing that got to her, Space Core came out of her hat, he didn’t enter her hat, he came out. She knew better than to question events like this, think Pinkie Pie. Once again, Space Core rested on her back. “Cereal Box, you are best cereal box. Go to space.” “MUNDO! There will be no temporal time reversal in Mundo’s office!” the purple man grabbed a brief case, quite literally from thin air, and threw it, “Mundo sell!” at Applejack and Space Core. They were sent flying through the ceiling, through outer space, through the many worlds floating in space, through time… you get the point. Long story short, they got hit by a brief case, sent through space-time and landed on Jyggalag’s face. The End. Now, it’s M’aiq’s tur- THE END! aw
M'aiq and cadence are best friendsHas M'aiq ever told you that M'aiq is a cat? No, he is being serious, M'aiq is a cat. He does not have hands for which he can pick up sweet rolls, fondle them, then put them in his mouth and chew with all of his might. Revering how tasty sweet rolls are. Thinking of sweet rolls has his mouth water with joy. Mmmmmmm... "M'aiq." Sweet rolls... If M'aiq had his hands... "M'aiq." Suddenly, someone is pulling on his left ear. Is someone trying to seduce him? The last time something like that happened, a flame atronach fancied M'aiq. He couldn't feel his head for months... or his body. "M'aiq!" Oh, it's just Cadence. Why is she pulling on M'aiq's ear? Is she a flame atronach too?! “Back! Back you heathen! He will not let you devour his body in flames!” Cadence was not very happy with the way M’aiq talked to her. She lifted him up in the air with her magic. “No! M’aiq is not a bird,” flailing his limbs about, like his life was in danger. Cadance’s eyes were not amused, they were anything but amused. At that moment M’aiq thought he was done for, dead as a lone adventurer being smashed by a giant’s club. Have you seen a giant before? With one stomp, they send you 200 feed in the air, or so M’aiq thought. Either way, he does not want to be pounded. Instead of receiving a giant’s club. He was placed on Cadance’s back. She still looked displeased. But at least M’aiq was no longer in danger of incurring the wrath of the pink pony. It’s not so bad here. M’aiq gets to have view of Celestia’s throne room, all the while not getting stepped on. As he was taking in the room, he noticed Cadence’s hair. It looks very delicious, pink, purple and yellow; he wonders if Cadence wears candy in her hair? There is only one way to find out. That is to taste her hair. He slowly and silently made his way across her back. He was so close that he could practally taste it. Well, he is tasting it, and let him tell you something. It does not taste like candy, just hair, plain old hair. Well this is disappointing, here M’aiq thought candy was interlaced in Cadence’s hair, and all he got was hair. Oh well. He did however, saw something shiny on top of her head. “Ah, M’aiq, what are you doing?” she said puzzled by M’aiq’s attempts to climb her head. He was almost there. He could feel it, the feeling of sinking his fangs in to that delicious morsel that adorned her head, and soon it will adorn his stomach. He wondered if it tasted like chocolate, he hoped it tasted like chocolate it has been awhile since he ate anything outside of rocks and dirt. M’aiq was at the time very homeless and very hungry. Licking his lips, all he had to do was to extend his paw, swipe at the shiny thing and it will be his. He fell over on the ground, but all was not lost. In his failing he managed to grab the shiny thing. Somehow. But it did not mattered, all that mattered was that he had the thing. He opened his mouth as wide as he could and chomped down. OOoooooooOOooOoooooowwwwwwwww… That was not chocolate, that was a metal regalia. M’aiq thinks he is missing a tooth or two… okay he is missing all of them. “All M’aiq wanted was to eat something sweet,” hanging his head down in shame. “There, there, M’aiq. If it will make you feel better, you can have this piece of soft candy.” At this prospect, M’aiq eagerly accepted Cadance’s offering. With the piece of candy held firmly in his paws he took one final bite. He couldn't taste it. "Talos Damnit!" Author's Note Cats cannot taste sweetness.
Something Something M'aiqOnce again M'aiq finds himself dislocated in another plain on existence. If he didn't knew any better, he would say that life hated him. “Hay! Invoker! Magic Sucks!” “Really Anti-Mage? Screw you!” What are those two babbling about? M’aiq doesn’t think magicka stinks. How will he be able to heal his pet gold fish, whenever M’aiq mistakes her for lunch? Poor Mr. Bloop, M’aiq knew her well. Or how will he shoot balls of fire? Firing fire balls at mudcrabs, is always fun. Horrible creatures. Then again, archery is pretty fun. M’aiq would always fire an arrow at random adventurers. Although, he wonders why they would become city guards? All he did was shoot them with an arrow. Oh well. “Hay. M’aiq. M’aiq. Hay. Hay. Hay. Hay. M’aiq!” “What is it Space Core?” “Why level up magic or archery? The only skill you need is space.” “Space? That doesn’t even make any sense. M’aiq has never even heard of such a skill. He thinks you have lost your…” Darkness surrounds M’aiq. Then. Darkness! -Insert lousy transition here- M’aiq is starting to get very tired of this. Okay, when he opens his eyes, he will be in Skyrim. Three. Two. One. he opens his eyes. Everywhere around him, on all sides of him, he was surrounded by nothing but crystals. The walls, floor, ceiling and even the furniture itself was made out of crystal. He is unsurprised that this is not Skyrim. Where could he be now? “Who are you?” M’aiq sees a tall white stallion. His mane has matching hues of blue, light, middle and dark blue. He looks really nice. M’aiq wishes he had a glorious mane like his. What’s this? Why does this stallion have a tattoo on his flank? Shield with a pink star in the middle and three blue stars on top of the shield. M’aiq wonders where he could get one of those. He would have one tattooed across his face like nord war paint. Wait. We have fur, not skin. How did they get that on the stallion's flank without making a mess? It looks too perfect. “Aahhh…” The stallion looks around in a distressful fashion. “My name is Shining Armor. What’s yours?” “Shining armor? You don’t look like shining armor. M’aiq’s name is M’aiq.” “Excuse me?” “Your excused.” “No. No. His name is Shining Armor. Talk to him about going into space.” Replied the Space Core. “Oh… M’aiq is very sorry for the confusion.” “No problem.” M’aiq thinks that he is still hurt. Look at him. he practically has bags over his eyes. His horn! It looks like someone slapped black sludge on it and let crystals grow from it! M’aiq should probably cheer him up. “Do you wish to have M’aiq pet you and give you a belly rub?” “I. Ah. What?” M’aiq begins to slowly stroke his mane in a gentle fashion. So very smooth M’aiq’s stroking is. The stallion’s legs cave in. Lying on the ground, he starts to moan. M’aiq soon reaches behind one of Shining Armor’s ears. One finger in the right spot. He melts. His moaning is so great, it nearly collapsed the building down upon us. M’aiq likes it when he is rubbed behind the ears too. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, especially when he is given tuna. Oh, the tuna so great and grand. In M’aiq’s peaceful bliss he failed to notice a unicorn. A surge of energy hits M’aiq, knocking him flat on the ground. Stood before M’aiq is a blushing purple unicorn mare, her horn set ablaze. “Wh-wha. What are you doing to my brother!?” “Before you disembowel M’aiq. Riddle him this. We are order. We are control. No injustice is overlooked; all is seen by our mighty eye. Scrutinizing every fiber of reality, one slip, one mistake; our punishment is swift and clean. What am I?” “Really? Do you really think you can distract me with something like that?” “It was worth a try.” Replied M’aiq. “Now. What did you do…” “Twily. It’s fine. We just… had a moment together…” “A moment? Brother! This… cat… minotaur… THING! Had you moaning like you just got out of bed with Cadence.” “Now, Twi. No need to get personal.” “I… WHAT IS THAT THING?!” The purple unicorn pointed a hoof at Space Core that M’aiq forgot that he was carrying. “SPACEBORN! Wrong game, er, show. I AM! I AM AM! The Allied… nooo. Wrong personality. I am Space Core! The ultimate core. I love space. Send me to spess plz.” “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I bet you know a lot about space too.” “Space? YES! SPACE! I love space. Full of stars, gas giants, planets, constellations, stars. Uh, more stars. And the big dipper. THE BIG DIPPER!” “Here, take him! M’aiq never knew so much about space. It’s making his head come undone!” Twilight's eyes beam with excitement as she levitates Space Core toward her and they proceed to talk about… you guessed it. Space! M’aiq looks around for an exit, a door of some sort, To no avail. So, M’aiq takes the next best thing, he jumps out a window. Which window? He doesn't know, he just picked one and defenestrated himself. How was he supposed to know that the drop was 200 feet off the ground? “Help! M’aiq made a terrible mistake! Now he’s falling! Help!” cried M’aiq. When all hope was lost, a rainbow comes for him. It stanches him up, then slowly lowers him to the ground. Another pony! She has a rainbow colored mane and her coat is a soft blue. M’aiq lowers himself to the ground and starts kissing the mare’s hooves. “Thank you!” kiss. “Thank you!” kiss. “M’aiq thought he was about to meet Molag bal again.” “Uh. Yea. Your welcome… listen I have to get going now…” The rainbow mane pony was a gone as fast as… to oblivion with it! He is just happy to be alive! He surveyed his surroundings. He appears to be in a fair of some sort. Walking to and fro seeing all the attractions, basket weaving, jousting and food stands. M’aiq's stomach growled . He walks over to a nearby pie stand. He loves pie, he really could never get enough pie. With a pie in hand he takes one big sniff. Poison berry? M’aiq loves poison berry! Without any sense of dignity, he slams the pie into his face and begins to take large bites out of it. Pie! Did M’aiq tell you how much he likes pie? M’aiq’s father M’aiq always baked the best pies. They were so good. He would travel from Cyrodiil to Elsweyr just to eat father’s pies. A scream and a whack later. “M’aiq is good house cat.” M’aiq falls over, stars in his mind. Darkness envelops him. Author's Note My mind was in the gutter when I made this. Hope you still like it though.
Interlude: It's Sheogorath!Hi! It’s me! Sheogorath! Now, I know what you’re thinking. Where’s M’aiq? I need M’aiq! Well. I’ll let you on a little secret. Come closer. Closer. Closer. Closer. He’s dead! Didn’t see that one coming did ya? Look at you! You should see the look on your face! Oh. Boo. Woo. Did Uncle Sheogorath get your drawers in a knot? Seriously though, he won’t be in these interlude chapters. It will be me, cheese and a death threat written on the back of an Argonian concubine. Anyway, my purpose in this ramshackle this author calls a chapter, is to entertain you, while he is busy thinking up new ways to beat… I mean thinking of new ways of sending him on an adventure and maybe answer a question or two. Well. Have I entertained you yet? No? Will an angry immortal playing skip rope with your entrails keep you entertained? That's what I Thought. Now, BEGONE! I’m doing the french-fry. It’s a delicate state of mind you know.
Interlude: Another interlude!Really? Reeaaalllllyyyy?! This is the second interlude in a row! What is wrong with you man? I! Sheogorath! Demand more M'aiq! Give me my M'aiq! I don't care about these darn interludes! Wait. These people wont hear more me! Never mind. Forget about M'aiq. Make more interludes, I want them to hear more of my glorious voice. Now we got that out of the way. Come my little guttersnips, I have a few comments to answer. TheArchive said: Pretty great so far. I didn't notice many mistakes, the story is funny, and everyone seems in-character. You now must have a running gag where M'aiq tries to give Shining Armor a belly rub everytime they see each other, regardless of whether or not they're alone. That said... M'aiqxShining OTP! A running gag where M'aiq tries to belly rub Shining Armor. You sir and/or madam have thought of of the most idiotic, pee brain... AH! just pulling your leg. You sir or madam deserve a chicken dinner or two frost trolls tearing you from limb from limb, your choice. Now as for shipping M'aiq and Shining Armor... all I really can say is this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umDr0mPuyQc&list=WL89ED7FD1F02B7A28 Yes that is a url. The poor man who made this interlude doesn't know what he is doing. What? I have to keep it at least somewhat family friendly. Now one more comment. MetaKnight145 said: What about Stanley the talking grapefruit from passwall? Why, he's right here. Say hi Stanley. "HHHiiiiiiiiii!" Poor boy. Has a high pitched squeal every time he speaks. Never been the same when he was cut in half... Emotions set aside, I feel GREAT! Now BEGONE! I have to spread order throughout the land! HA! Didn't see that one coming did you, Discord? Author's Note I promise, next chapter will be M'aiq.
It's Tea Time Mk Whatever: ArrivederciSummoned from giant crystalline structures, the same ones used to invade the Shivering Ales. The knights and priests of order fight in a field, wide as the clear blue skies, with only dirt and grass to impede them. Off in the distance sat the desecrated ruins of Ponyville. Buildings topple over like cardboard cut outs. Cotton candy clouds dominated the sky raining down explosive chocolate rain on the poor ponies that reside in Ponyville, wishing that their homes where not made out of cardboard. To the opposite side of the town, was Canterlot. It was still peaceful, protected by Luna’s shield spell. Luckily, Discord failed at apprehending the nightly mare, he was none too pleased. The priests were throwing bolts of lighting, always hitting their target with deadly precision. Focusing on an ursa minor, electricity flew through the air, sending the bear into a short spaz. He shrugged it off, in a fit of rage, he charged at the priests, sending them flying in all directions. A lowly priest had the unlucky fate of being crushed by his paw. The knights on the other hand, had a winning streak against their foe. Blocking the enemy’s attack with their shield, sending their foe into daze. Then, with a simple thrust of their sword into their attacker’s heart, the enemy moved to the afterlife, a simple yet effective tactic. Crushing the ground beneath them, the knights advanced forward, using their blood soaked swords to literally carve a path of bodies. The army of order fought in trance, shouting their war cries “Waaaaahhhh!” they thought that nothing could stop them. Rightfully so, the enemy was faltering, and their numbers were shrinking, one could almost hear the voice of chaos crying in pain. The army, commanded by me, was determined to eliminate all chaos. The Greymarch was in full effect. Even though I have I know all outcomes and can subtract all environmental factors, limiting the energy required to move an army. Ever since the defeat of me by the hands of ME and the Champion Cyrodiil, things have been more random lately. Throughout history, I have been ignoring events that I could not foresee, passing them off as some sort of glitch in reality. My perception has changed, randomization does exist, and individuality is not an illusion, making souls like me and mortals in charge of their own fate. But, that does not mean fate doesn’t shape them. Discord’s army is a stifling one; I can’t see into the future, allowing me to know all of their movements, making for a quick victory, it’s all a blur. I can however, take my current situation, and make predictions. As far as I know, his army is good as dead. Guided by my invisible hand, my army carved a path straight to Discord. He sits upon a throne of pink and stone. He is obviously not happy to see me. “Just when I get rid of a daedra, I get another! But you, for the most part have been a pain in my ass. You summon your army of filth, drive them into my kingdom, break my playthings, and block my path to Luna,” annoyance is the key word here. Whether be it from him talking or me breaking his army, it could have gone both ways. Blinded by rage, Discord leapt from his throne straight into my left hand. Not the brightest plan he had, I might add. Slowly smashing the life out of his neck, he tried to teleport away, I prevented any such actions. It’s amazing at what an antimagic field can do, granted, I can’t use magic myself. But, I don’t need magic to send him toward the ground, and pile drive his skull. That is what I exactly did by the way. I have something special in store for this little bastard, a little gift that Sheogorath dropped, and Discord never really paid attention to. Shame really, could of made him really powerful and win him this battle, but not even fate bows to gods. In this form, I maybe a deity of order, but the Wabbajack still recognize me as Sheogorath. I decided to play a little role reversal; normally the staff causes untold amounts of chaos when used. Instead of spewing out chaos, it will act as a vacuum of sorts. “What have you done to me?!” surprise! Discord is now angrier than before. “I took away your power, living amongst the mortals. How does it feel?” Discord for the most part didn’t say a word and gave me a death glare. He really must hate being a mortal. I wonder who made him hate mortality so much? It is only natural. That does not concern me, I am left with another daunting task. What am I going to do with him? I could turn him into stone again, but, that wouldn’t really teach him a lesson. Ah! A few centuries with Molag Bal might straighten him out. I know me and Mole Leg Balls never got along, but maybe an offering will get me on his better side. Discord is still giving me a death glare. I decided it was too much of a hassle to even speak and sent him on his merry way. The battle I just had with him. It felt short; I would toy with my enemy. Leading them into falsehood, than just when they think the tides of battle turned to their favor, that is where the fun begins. Seeing the faces they make brings a smile to my face. Normally anyway, In the case of Discord, I wanted nothing to do with him. Quick and undeceive, clean and simple, I never really could tolerate beings like him. Yet, I find calmness in Sheogorath, the being that represents everything I hate. Whenever I become him, all of that hatred melts off and because of that, I have grown fond of Sheo. With that said and done, time to visit a princess. At the castle, more specifically Celestia’s room, Luna was sitting by her sister. Her head was on her sister’s chest, peacefully sleeping. Poor dear, drove herself fatigued, the shield spell did her no justice. I placed one of my hands on Luna’s head. I slowly began to rub my way through her mane. Mist and energy that is what her mane is made out of, but still feels like hair. I bend down to her ears and softly whispered. “Luna, your sister is fine. Leave it to me. I will see to it that she is at full health.” Just like that, she relaxed,she relaxed to a point were not even fire cracker could wake her up. Huh. I thought it was going to take more than words to calm her down. Whatever, I'll take it. I wonder what happen to M’aiq and the element bearers? And that one guard, maybe Space Core too.
