I'm sitting in front of my fireplace, staring into the flames. Fire is such an amazing creature. So vibrant. So deadly.
I moved my thoughts from the flames, trying to focus on something else. I always hate it when I can't sleep. There's always something to keep me buisy though. Talking with friends, visiting my sister and just walking around Ponyville. Tonight was different, though. Everypony was at home, sharing the night with somepony close to them.
I heard a slight knock on my door and jumped. I hadn't realized how deep in thought I had gotten. I stood up, stretching my legs, and walked over to the door wondering who would be up so late on Hearth's Warming Eve.
"Hey Twilight," I said after opening the door. "What are you doing here?"
"Hi Nightwolf," she replied. "I just thought you might want some company. Rainbow Dash said you wanted to be alone, but I think she was just trying to get out of it."
"I did want to be alone," I said. "But since you're here, come on in." I opened the door a little more and Twilight walked into my house.
"Why would you want to be alone on Hearth's Warming Eve?" she asked.
"Because of all of the things that happened in the past," I replied. "I need one night a year to get all of those memories pushed as far away from my consciousness as possible."
She looked at me quizzically. "Why would you want to push away your past?"
I looked away from her, trying to keep old wounds from surfacing with company present. "There are some things that are just too much for me to handle," I explained. "Old wounds that won't heal."
She walked over to me slowly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Would you like some tea?" I asked, changing the subject. "I have a few different kinds. If you want coffee, sorry. I just ran out. My sister has a bad habit of drinking full pots of the stuff."
"That sounds nice," she said. "I'll have whatever it is you're having."
I walked over into the kitchen and opened the cabinet that holds my variety of tea. Pulling out two tea bags, I shifted and brougt the tea cups out. Putting the water on to boil, I moved back to where I was sitting in front of the fireplace.
"Why don't you want to talk about it?" Twilight asked after a minute.
"Because it brings up feelings that I haven't felt in years," I explained. "I would rather not have to go through that pain again."
"What kind of pain?"
I looked Twilight in the eyes. "Have you ever loved somepony?" I asked. "Have you ever loved somepony so much that you would lay down your own life to save theirs? Have you ever been given tht chance? Have you ever failed the ones you love the most? Do you know what it's like to watch somepony you love die right in front of you, but you can't do a damn thing about it?"
She kept my gaze with tears at the brims of her eyes.
"That's the kind of pain I lock away," I continued. "If I let it run rampant, it will distract me from whateve it is I'm doing. Those are the kinds of memories I want to forget."
I broke eye contact and faced away from her, tears coming to my own eyes.
"I've never been in that kind of situation," Twilight said softly. "But you don't have to keep that pain to yourself." She turned my head with a hoof. "I recently read about a spell that can let two ponies share memories. Would that help?"
I kept my eyes focused on the floor. "If you want to know that badly, I'll tell you," I replied. "I wouldn't make you go through that kind of torture. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anypony, especially somepony I care about."
She looked at me again, curious. "Ok," she said. "You can start once you're ready."
I waited a little longer and heard the teapot start to whistle. I walked over and poured the tea. After letting it steep for a few minutes, I brought the cups out and sat down, giving one to Twilight.
"It started with a dream from when I was young-"
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I was walking through an eerie forest. The darkness crept in on me, seeming to live. I sped up my pace until I was practicaly galloping through this scary place. I heard leaves rustle, branches crack, and my own heart pounding loudly.
I heard something much larger than a twig break and spun around. AI saw a pony I had never seen before walking towards me. She had a dark blue coat and a mane that seemed to be made of the night sky itself.
"Luna," I said without thinking. I don't know how I knew, but I did. "What do you want?"
"I want to know what you are doing in such a strange place," the princess said. "Why such a dark place?"
I looked around. "I don't know what I'm doing here," I said. "I don't even remember how I got hee."
"Your mind is troubled," she said. "What is your name, wanderer?"
"Nightwolf," I said.
She looked at me in shock. "Nightwolf? This is unexpected. Your mind is warning you about something. Wake now and forever remember, you are the Balancer. Dangers will come. You must leave behind those you love to keep them safe."
I looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean, 'wake now'?"
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"That's when I first learned about my power. I had no idea what it was at the time, but that information will come in later. Would you like some more tea?" I asked.
Twilight looked down at her cup, apparently noticing for the first time that she had emptied it. "Yes, please," she said timidly.
I took her cup back to the kitchen and started heating some more water. I looked at the clock on my wall and noticed I had spent half an hour telling that short story it would take all night to tell anything else. It would take even longer if I were to keep control over my emotions through the later ones.
"Are you okay?" Twilight asked. "You've been standing there for a while. Is there something wrong?"
"Nothing," I quickly said. "I was just thinking about how lg this will take. If you want to leave, go ahead. This could be a while."
She looked at me sympathetically. "Nopony should be alone on Hearth's Warming Eve."
I stopped mid-step at that phrase. It was something I hadn't heard in years. "So what do you want to know nest," I said, opening up a little.
Twilight looked up at me, not expecting to hear that. "How about the story about what you told me earlier. The one that you were trying to forget."
I felt a slight pang of pain. I could feel mental scar tissue being pulled away. I knew this day was going to come. Nothing stays secret forever.
"Ponies often say that love cures everything. They say that they can't wait to find love. I've found that love is a two-edged sword. It can work for you in areas like family and relationships. But love is also a poison. Something so strong, it could drive a pony to suicide. What I'm about to tell you nearly drove me there."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I was standing in the middle of a forested area. I had just learned how to levitate things using some simple magic. I focused my energy and will into a solid force and streatched forth a hoof.
"Sgrabchvam," I whispered. A small pebble leapt into my grip. I looked at this small object, realizing it was just a first step. "I did it!" I yelled.
I heard some thunder and looked up. The sky was almost vacant of clouds. I spun and hit my head on somepony else.
I fell to the ground. Trying to get up, I felt blood rush out of my head. If I hadn't been working on focus so much, I would have passed out right then and there. Maybe that would have been better.
I stood up and looked in the direction I had before. There was nothing there. I looked down at the ground and saw hoof-prints leading back to the small tribe I was living with.
In a panic, I started running in that direction, not knowing what I was going to face. I kept ruinning until I broke out of the forest into the small clearing. What I saw changed my life.
Bodies were on the ground. I couldn't tell if they were alive or dead. I slowly walked into the clearing, taking in every detal before it could vanish. Then I heard something from behind me.
I froze, thinkig it was the same thing that did everythng to the tribe. I turned slowly, being careful not to surprise what ever it was behind me.
My eyes mat the sight of my adoptive mother, lying on the ground. She hd suffered some serious injuries but was still alive.
I bolted over to her, hoping I could help. "Mom," I said quietly.
She looked up at me, pain and confusion on her face. "Nightwolf," she said weakly.
I sat there, trying to keep her alive. I did what I could to stop the bleeding. I prolonged her life as much as I could, but it was no use. The tribe herbalist was out.
"Don't leave me," I said. "Please."
She looked at me. "I'm sorry," she said. Her eyes closed and her breathing stopped.
"No," I said. "Please, no." I checked her pulse but couldn't find it. I tried to recessitate her, I tried to heal her, I tried to keep myself from the truth.
I laid her head on the ground and started crying. It was the first time I had done so openly. I could feel eyes on me from the surviors. I heard hoofsteps come up behind me but I didn't look.
That was the day I broke.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I sat there, tears threatening to come out. All of my pent-up emotions were flooding out.
I could feel Twilight's eyes on me. I could feel the sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she said.
I turned away but stayed where I was. "It was bound to happen eventually," I said, trying not to cry.
Twilight walked over and lifted my chin. I felt a single tear run down my face. She moved in and gave me a tight hug. It was the first hug I had gotten from someone other than family in years. Slowly, I returned it.
My mental barrier keeping my emotions at bay broke open. I was crying openly again. I didn't want to let go, but eventually, the embrace had to end.
Twilight looked at me, guilt flashing across her face. "I shouldn't have pushed," she said. "I'm so sorry."
I looked at her for the first time with emotion running through my body. I felt something toward her that I had been ignoring, but it was too strong now.
"I haven't told anypony that story," I said. "I never wanted their pity. Every time they pushed, I pushed back with something else. You are the first pony I have ever felt comfortable enough with to actuallytell. I've been trying to ignore something, but it's too strong to ignore now."
Twilight looked at me, confused. "What are you trying to say?"
I love you,I tried to say, but the words caught in my throat. It was too much at the time. I wouldn't be able to handle any rejections.
"Would you mind having any company tonight?" I asked.
"Why don't I just stay here," Twilight responded. "You're in no condition to be walking."
"It can get pretty cold out here," I said. "I don't have too many blankets. And the ones I do have are too small for both of us."
She looked at me, a smile creeping onto her face. "Then guess we'll have to stay close," she said, moving closer to me.
I brought the blankets down from the bedroom and spread them out. I sat down and invited Twilight to sit with me. As the night dragged on, we both started to be overcome with fatigue.
I put what little wood I had left into the small fire we had left and curled up on the blankets. Twilight curled up with me and laid her head on my back.
"Goodnight," I said, breaking the silence.
"Goodnight," Twilight replied, pulling the blankets over usfor some extra warmth.
I slept better that night than any before, confident that luck was finally going in my direction.
For the first time, I felt love toward somepony that wasn't in my family.
Author's Note
This is a simple one-shot. If anybody wants another chapter, too bad. I will come back to this in another story, though.
Also, there is a double reference in here. ~~If you can find it, identify it to me and tell me what two books it's from, then I will star your OC in one of my later stories as well as put them in a few others. Good luck.~~ The winner of the reference for this story is here!
~fanofawesomenss