College Applications Shouldn't Be This Easy!
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Discord and Cthulhu: College Roommates
Chapter One: College Applications Shouldn’t Be This Easy!
The graduation caps flew high into the air, and the recent graduates of Equestria High beamed with pride. Chrysalis was absolutely stuffed from the love emanating from everypony’s parents. Celestia and Luna searched the crowd for their mother, but didn’t see her; after all, Faust was still very busy shaping the plane of Equestria. Discord didn’t care much if his folks were there or not; he was just celebrating, shooting off fireworks of popcorn and playing a trumpet made of cheese.
As the quartet left the stage, they were approached by a strange cloaked figure. He was a biped like Discord, but had no tail. His dark blue cloak hid all features except his hands. He said, “If I may take a moment of your time, I was wondering if any of you had given any thought to furthering your education after high school.”
The four Equestrians looked at each other, then shook their heads. “We were just planning on helping my mother build this world after today. We were unaware of any other educational opportunities,” Celestia said.
“I figured as such. This plane is rather new and isolated, and it took me three days to find it. I am Jace Beleren, and I represent the prestigious Ravnica Polytechnical Institute. I’ve spoken with the principal of the school, and from what she said about you four, I believe we may have a spot for all of you in this year’s freshman class. It is a college uniquely geared towards teaching young immortals to harness the full potential of their magic. I have information regarding our majors and accreditations right here.” He reached into the folds of his cloak and fished out four thick envelopes. “If you wish to attend, simply fill out the application form at the end and sign your name. We will take care of transportation.”
The four graduates took the envelopes and thanked the man. The mysterious man seemed satisfied and turned to leave.
As he was walking away, he suddenly stopped. “Oh, one more thing,” he said with a much more foreboding tone. “If you do decide to attend, I would strongly advise against failing out. Have a good day.”
Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and Discord looked back at the application forms. When they looked up again, the man had disappeared.
The four Equestrians opened the envelopes and viewed the contents. Most of the pages detailed the history of the college and the planes that students usually came from. Most of the planes sounded horrid and war-torn, the city-scape Ravnica was the only exception. The next page was a boring letter written by the headmaster of the school. Only Celestia bothered to read it in its entirety, and she said that it explained that the college wanted them to attend in order to branch out to more peaceful planes. The applications themselves were actually only one page with a list of intended majors to choose from and a line for the applicant’s signature.
Luna was the first to break the silence after everypony had finished reading their packets. “We are unsure of this ‘Ravnica Polytechnical,’ sister. It seems like a dangerous place to go.”
“Well, if Lulu here is hesitant, then it MUST be good. She never has liked the concept of ‘fun,’” Discord snickered.
“What is this ‘fun’ thou speakest of? A meaningless distraction from life’s duties,” Luna calmly said.
“Girls, girls, you’re both pretty! Can we go now?” Chrysalis said impatiently, buzzing around in the air.
Celestia sighed, then said to her sister, “If you wish to stay here and help Mother shape the world without further training, I cannot stop you. However, we three are all going, and Equestria will still be here when we come back.”
Luna pouted, but eventually agreed to come along. They put a checkmark next to their majors, and signed their names. Exactly three seconds after they signed, a swirl of deep blue smoke came out of the applications, enveloped the four immortals, and they disappeared from Equestria.
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When the smoke cleared, the four Equestrians were sitting in a massive auditorium with several thousand other creatures, and what looked like a superintelligent shade of the color blue. There was a banner hanging over the stage saying “Welcome, Incoming Freshmen!”
A large red dragon stepped up to the podium at the front of the auditorium. He waited for everyone to quiet down, then said, “Ladies, gentlemen, and other unidentified beings: welcome to Ravnica Polytechnical. My name is Niv-Mizzet, and I am the headmaster here. You have all worked incredibly hard to get this far in your academic life, and with a little training, I can predict that many of you will become great mages. Some of you may even be called ‘gods’ by those of a more... mortal persuasion.” A chorus of snickers rose from the crowd of incoming freshmen. “Nevertheless, I must stress to you all that if you don’t apply yourself, you will fail out and won’t be given a way back to your home plane. Ravnica can be a very dangerous place, even for a god. But enough of this. You will all be assigned a roommate. We looked very closely at each of your intended majors and innate abilities in order to pair you all with someone who shares similar talents. The list will be posted just outside the cafeteria, in the student center. Good day to you all.”
The students began filing out of the auditorium in order to find out their roommates, with Luna leading the pack. Soon, the only students left were Chrysalis, Celestia, and Discord. The changeling and the Alicorn were shaking Discord in order to wake him up.
“zzZZzz... Huh?” Discord looked around. “Where did everypony go?”
Celestia and Chrysalis facehoofed, then said, “Come on, sleepyhead. Let’s go find out who our roommates are.” With that, the three left the auditorium and headed to the student center.
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Discord looked at the dorm assignments, hoping that he would get paired with Celestia. She really does have a prankish streak in her, he thought. I bet we could make such MARVELOUS chaos in the city together! He glanced at Celestia’s name on the list and saw who she was placed with.
“Ra? What kind of a name is that???” Discord asked aloud.
“Discord, dear, weren’t you paying attention? They assigned roommates based on your choice in major, not name,” Celestia said. “Ra is majoring in Solar Metaphysics, like me. Luna got paired with somepony named ‘Epona,’ a major in Lunar Sciences. Chrysalis, you got paired with Venus, an immortal majoring in Practical Love, right?”
“Yep! I’m so excited! I met her, and she said that love is like her special talent! It’s going to so much fun, and she can be the cook!!!” Chrysalis squealed.
Celestia rolled her eyes at the changeling’s enthusiasm for ‘food.’ “Riiiight. Anyways Discord, I’d expect that you’d be similarly paired. What did you decide to major in, again?”
“Applied Chaos Theory,” Discord said. “I suppose that means I have no roommate. All the better for me to practice chaos in my room.”
Celestia looked over the list and smiled. “Well, just because it’s an uncommon major doesn’t mean it’s unique. Take a look for yourself.”
Discord leaned over to read the list. He found only one other freshman majoring in Applied Chaos Theory.
“Cthulhu. What a delightfully chaotic name! I wonder what he’ll look like! Maybe, the head of a fish, the left arm of a spider, the right arm of an ape, a snail’s foot for legs, and the wings of a Harpy! It would be a perfect match for such a name!” Discord was already imagining the wonderful fun he could have with such a being.
“I hate to disappoint you,” a gravelly voice said from behind Celestia, “but it seems my expectations of your appearance missed the mark as well… Discord, was it?”
Chrysalis, Celestia, and Discord turned around. They were met with the sight of a tall, mottled dark green humanoid with a squidlike head and large, leathery wings. His eyes glowed fierce yellow, and his webbed hands and feet ended in sinister talons. Celestia started trembling at his appearance, and Chrysalis transformed into a mouse with an “eep!” and scurried away. Discord, however, chuckled at their reactions.
“Well, at least you know how to make an entrance. Personally, though, I prefer the old ‘Hide in a pane of stained glass’ trick. Gets ‘em every time!” Discord said.
Cthulhu just scoffed. “So, I come here all the way from R’lyeh, to get paired with a melodramatic buffoon. What even are you?”
Without batting an eyelash, Discord responds, “And I come all the way from Equestria to get paired with a short-tempered fish. I’m a delightfully chaotic little bit of everything called a ‘draconequus.’ By the way, what about you, Squiddy? What are you?”
Cthulhu flared his wings and began whipping his tentacles about. He then shouted in a voice powerful enough to rival even the Royal Faustian Voice, “THOU SHALT REFRAIN FROM REFERRING TO ME WITH SUCH A FOOLISH NAME, OAF! THOU AND THINE KIN CAN NE’ER HOPE TO COMPREHEND MINE LINEAGE AND RACE!!!”
“OK, OK! Gosh, don’t give yourself an aneurism or anything. Those are really painful!” Discord said.
If he can muster a tone of voice that rivals my own mother’s, I should probably stay out of his way, Celestia thought. “I-I-I th-think I’ll leave you t-two alone. See you around, Discord,” Celestia said quickly. She then flew off to her dorm.
Discord and Cthulhu just glared at each other. It was going to be a long semester.
Author's Note
Just an idea that popped into my head and refused to go away. It started when I was joking around with my friends, saying that Discord knew Cthulhu because they went to college together and majored in Chaos Theory.
