The Royal Vacation

by Colt Vulpes

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Nightmare Moon
Length: 27603

Celestia and Luna are bored of ruling Equestria and decide they need a vacation. They leave our favorite purple unicorn in charge.

The sun has stopped moving! Twilight has become an alicorn! What madness is this?
No, it's not what you're thinking. The royal sisters just decided to take a vacation, that's all! And they left Twilight Sparkle in charge! This is a test run for the young mare—one does not simply go from zero to princess in an instant, and so our dear purple pony friend needs some training first. Trollestia Style!

(In case you're wondering: Trollestia Style = give Twilight the crown and temporary wings, run off, and see how she fares on her own. Then again, this might just be an excuse for the royal sisters to go on vacation. You never really know.)

Will Twilight pass the test? Will Celestia and Luna decide she is ready to become a permanent alicorn? Uh, duh, I think we already know the answer. But Twilight doesn't!

Takes place shortly before Keep Calm and Flutter On. It's also worth mentioning that Twilight has no freaking clue how to fly.

Published 2012-12-18 09:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-12 19:43:28 UTC

Chapter 2: What Now?

·Chapter 2What Now?

·

“So... you’re serious?” said Applejack. “You’re acting princess now.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Twilight. “But I have no idea what to do.”

“Say,” said Rarity, “where’s Spikey Wikey, anyway?”

“Right here, madam.” Spike walked into the room and bowed. “As Princess Twilight’s assistant, I hereby welcome you all to this magnificent throne room, where—”

“Nice to see you too, Spike.” Applejack was not impressed with Spike’s fancy talk.

“Aww but he’s so cute Applejack! Widdle Spikey Wikey is all dwessed up!”

“Rarity, are you okay?”

It was true, though. Spike had taken it upon himself to find the fanciest clothing that would fit him. And he did look quite dapper in regal Canterlot garb.

“Anyhow,” said Applejack, “the reason we came here is because the sun’s been in the same place for several hours now! We’re a little worried about what this-all could do to Equestrian climate and whatnot.”

“Yeah, that...” Twilight shook her head. “I have no clue how to move the sun. Or any celestial object. And it appears Celestia and Luna are neglecting their duties while on their ‘important business’.”

Twilight began dancing around mockingly. “‘No responsibility! No responsibility!’ I can’t believe those two would just leave like that!”

“Well,” said Applejack, “let’s find ’em.”

·

·

“Mmm, this is delicious!”

“The deliciousness has been doubled!”

“We should get more of these. Mr. Cake!”

“Y-yes, Princess Celestia?”

“Can we have some more?”

“Of course! How much more would you like?”

The royal sisters thought about it briefly. “We’ll take your whole stock!” said Luna, knowing her sister’s appetite. (Seriously, she eats like a horse!)

“Well, okay...”

Carrot Cake went into the back to gather the day’s pastries and cakes.

Wow, he thought, I thought I’d be honored to serve Celestia and her sister here—

“Our name is LUNA!”

—oh man that was scary. Okay... just get the sweets. All of them. And hope this doesn’t set us back too far.

Carrot Cake returned with a large food cart containing all of Sugarcube Corner’s sweets. “Here you are, ladies.”

“Why thank you,” said Celestia. “These look fabulous.” Her horn glowed, and she pulled out a huge bag of bits. She dropped the whole thing in front of Carrot Cake.

“Will this cover it?”

“Well Princess, really, this can go on the house...”

“No no, we’re paying customers just like everypony else.”

“Are you sure, Princess? I mean—”

“Take the money, peasant!”

“Sister!” Celestia snapped. “He is not a peasant! He and his wife are hardworking small business owners.”

“Oh,” said Luna. “My apologies. Take the money, hardworking small business owner!”

“That’s... marginally better.”

Realizing this was going nowhere fast, Celestia did her best to explain.

“Mr. Cake, please don’t be hesitant to accept our payment. I don’t know who started the whole—” she rolled her eyes “‘—ooh pamper the royal family everywhere they go’ idea, but really, it’s unnecessary.”

“R-really?” Nopony could ever get used to Celestia acting like, well, a normal pony. “Thanks!”

“Though really, you have Luna to thank,” said Celestia. “She heard you worrying about us running you dry, so she made sure we wouldn’t just forget to pay you.”

Luna smiled at Carrot Cake.

“I mean really,” said Celesita, “do you know how embarrassing it is to forget to pay for something? And nopony ever tells us! It’s like they’re worried we’ll throw ’em in a dungeon or something!”

“We?” said Luna, a little too excitedly. “As in, the Royal We?”

Celestia couldn’t resist. “We’re referring to the two of us, so We suppose so!”

“We!” Shouted Luna.

“WE!” Shouted Celestia in turn.

“WEEEEEEE!!” they shouted together, causing the building to rattle.

“Is that a storm!?” shouted Cup Cake from the next room over.

“No honey, it’s the royal sisters!” replied Carrot Cake, covering his ears.

“Mr. Carrot Cake,” said Luna, “We must thank thee for thy delectable sweets!”

“And now,” said Celestia, “We must eat them!”

“O-okay. If you need me, I’ll just be in the back looking for some cotton to put in my ears.”

“WEEEEEEE!!”

·

·

“So Twilight, where’d they go?”

Twilight looked at Applejack. “I think I know where they went, but...”

“Yes?”

“You won’t like the answer.”

“So where could they be?” Rainbow was excited at the prospect of adventure. “Did they go off into some distant jungle? Or maybe they’re at sea somewhere! Or maybe—” Rainbow gasped, her eyes wide “—maybe they went to the wasteland where the Changlings live! Ooooooo... or maybe—”

“No.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash was disappointed. “Then where?”

“Ponyville.”

“Really!?” Rainbow Dash facehoofed, then fell over. “So I dragged us all this way...”

“Pretty much.” Twilight gave a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”

“Okay, let’s get back to the cart, I’ll get us back to Ponyville (which it turns out we never should’ve left in the first place...) and then we can figure out what in Celestia’s name is going on here!”

“Good luck, girls,” said Twilight, “although I’ve got to stay here myself. Royal duties and all.”

“Wow,” said Rainbow Dash. “That sounds boring. See ya later, princess!”

And with that, the ponies left.

The ponies got back into their cart.

The ponies flew back to Ponyville.

“Okay,” said Applejack, once they’d landed. “So where do y’all reckon they are?”

“Mr. Carrot Cake, We must thank thee for thy delectable sweets!”

“And now, We must eat them!”

“My Pinkie Sense says they’re at Sugarcube Corner!”

“Does it now?” snarked Applejack.

“Yes it does! Let’s go!”

“WEEEEEEE!!”

I just hope we get there before they deafen the whole town, thought Applejack.

They made their way to Sugarcube Corner, ready to sort this mess out.

·

×

Chapter 3: Diplomacy, Confrontation, and Luna’s Ultimate Prank

·Chapter 3Diplomacy, Confrontation, and Luna’s Ultimate Prank

·

“Princess Twilight!” A pegasus guard came in through the door.

“Yes?”

“The ambassador from the Griffin Nation requests an audience with you.”

Oh no. Diplomacy? I don’t know anything about diplomacy! Okay, take it easy, Twilight, just make sure you don’t start a war or anything...

“Send her in."

“Erm... the ambassador is a ‘him’, your majesty.”

Really? Oh man, this isn’t helping!

“Oh. My apologies. But yes – send him in.”

The guard left, but quickly returned with the ambassador.

Oh he must’ve been in the next room over! I hope he didn’t overhear my little faux pas...

“So you’re Princess Twilight?” he asked.

“Yes, that’s me.”

The ambassador nodded his head. “’sup?”

“Eh...” Twilight wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “Not... much?”

“Name’s Geldo, by the way. Say, you got some good eats around here? I’m starvin’.”

“Well, uh...” Uh-oh. What do griffins usually eat? “What sort of food are you looking for?”

“Meh, I normally go for horsemeat. Or maybe beef. Or—”

Twilight shot him a look that would have killed a griffin at 20 paces.

(Geldo, 30 paces back, was only stunned.)

“Kidding, kidding! We eat like, bugs and stuff. Geez, can’t you take a joke?”

Twilight continued to glare at him.

“Wow. Mares these days have no sense of humor! See, this is what happens when you put a woman in charge...”

Really? You went there? Twilight decided enough was enough. “Get out.”

“Say what?”

Twilight’s horn glowed. “Get. Out. NOW.”

“Okay, okay!” The ambassador skittered off.

Twilight sighed. She knew she was right to dismiss such a rude guest, but she worried about the diplomatic consequences. I hope I didn’t just make a big mistake.

·

·

“Princess Celestia!”

Celestia looked up from the now-empty cart of cake and pastries.

“Oh hi girls!”

Unfortunately, said girls did not look happy. Pinkie Pie darted in.

“Princess you have to do something! Twilight says you left the castle and put her in charge of everything and stuff but she doesn’t know how to move the sun so now it’s stuck in place and we’re all gonna fry so could you make the sun go down please? Oh and hi Luna.”

“Oh good. You noticed me.”

“What’s the big deal, anyway?” asked Celestia. “The sun’s pretty low in the sky. You’ll be fine if it stays where it is... I think.”

At this point, Rainbow Dash flew in, followed by the other three.

“But that won’t work, Princess!” said Dash.

“You sure? Seems to be holding up pretty good so far. We haven’t burned up yet, have we?”

“No, but we will if it stays there long enough! And besides, if it’s mid-afternoon here, then it’s noon somewhere, and midnight somewhere else.”

“Oh.” Celestia blinked. “Oops.”

Her horn glowed, and the sun went down. “There ya go. Run along now.”

The five ponies left Sugarcube Corner, breathing a collective sigh of relief on their way out.

“Well, Sister,” asked Celestia, “where to now?”

“Oh, I know! Let’s go visit Zecora!”

“Sounds like fun!”

Neither Celestia nor Luna had actually met Zecora before, but they’d heard plenty about her from Twilight’s letters. She seemed like a nice zebra to meet, so why not?

(Besides, no responsibility!)

They arrived at her house in the Everfree forest, and heard a conversation inside.

“Check it out, Zecora!”

“Now that there is quite a wow. All I can say is holy cow.”

“Isn’t it awesome? Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have the same one, too!”

“I must say, it’s quite a lark – a Cutie Mark Crusaders cutie mark!”

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“It seems we have a visitor. I wonder who it could be.”

Zecora answered the door.

“Why hello, Princess Luna! It’s always an honor to greet royalty.”

...

“And yes, Celestia too. It’s also good to see you.”

Celestia looked puzzled. What the heck?

Luna smirked at her sister. “HAH!”

“Come in, come in, the two of you! Take a look here at Apple Bloom!”

Zecora was right – Apple Bloom did indeed have a rather peculiar cutie mark. The mark was of her and her friends, with the CMC insignia in the background.

Celestia looked at it, intrigued. “This is... odd. I don’t think I’ve seen anything like it.”

While Celestia examined Apple Bloom’s cutie mark and quizzed her on the details, Zecora pulled Luna aside.

“Now princess, I know what you seek. But be warned, its power is not for the weak.”

“You know... but how? And you don’t think I’m weak, do—”

“Of course not, dear Luna, miss! otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you this.” Zecora leaned in closer. “And I know what you need, I can see the signs – you’re not the only one who can pry somepony’s mind. Now over the hill and around the bend, break the rock... and that’s the end.”

Luna thought for a second. “Oh! That’s where it is! Thanks!”

“No problem, dear. Now remember, no fear!”

And so, with Celestia still distracted by Apple Bloom’s meta cutie mark, Luna slipped off into the night.

Over the hill and around the bend, break the rock and that’s the end... now where’s that giant boulder again?

After some searching, she found what she was looking for.

It was a big rock.

It looked out of place, like somepony had put it there.

And it was roughly where Zecora’s cryptic instructions said it would be.

Now all I need to do is smash this open, thought Luna. You know what, screw it Rock Smash is boring. I can live with a type disadvantage.

        Princess Luna used Hyper Beam!

        it’s not very affective...

        …

        the ROCK was vaporized!

        *DO DEE DOO, DO DO DEE DO DO DEE DOOOOOO*

Meh, stupid rock.

With that out of the way, our favorite princess (deal with it, Celestia) trotted down to the cavern below.

*Author’s note: I do actually think Celestia’s pretty cool too. But she is quite an attention hog sometimes.

Luna approached the bottom of the cave. There was a small pond under there, its surface as smooth as glass.

Time for some fun, thought Luna.

The newfangled word still felt strange to her ancient mind, but it she knew it was just right for this occasion.

Luna was prepared to show Celestia who was really the best trickster. Celestia may be famous for her trolling skills, but in reality she was the apprentice. Luna was the master. And it was time to remind everyone of that.

“And into her own reflection she stared, yearning for one whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared, at the prospect of being doubly mared.”

...

“The fun has been doubled!”

·

×

Chapter 4: Returning Home

·Chapter 4Returning Home

·

“So, what in tarnation do I do now?”

Like the others, Applejack had managed to stumble back home.

The sun’s down, but there’s no moon, and no stars... how am I supposed to see a gosh-darn thing?

The other ponies weren’t faring much better. Anywhere, I mean. From Ponyville to Canterlot to Appleloosa, nopony could see a thing. Manehattan was doing well, since there was so much artificial lighting, but that was the exception, not the rule. (And Canterlot would be doing fine, if somehorse had paid the electric bill before darting off with her sister.)

The Everfree Forest was also fine for some reason, but that’s just Everfree being Everfree. The moon and stars move on their own and freaky stuff like that.

Geldo managed to make it home, somehow. He couldn’t see at all, but he knew up from down and his internal birdie compass pointed him in the right direction.

Though when he arrived, he began to wish he’d gotten lost instead.

“GELDO!”

“Yes, President Zeldo?”

“I have just received a report from Equestria’s royal guards about your behavior.”

“Huh, them? And what did they say?”

“They said—how should I put this lightly—that you committed a serious faux pas.”

Geldo snorted. “And you’re gonna listen to them?”

“Look, Geldo,” said President Zeldo, “we do not want to strain Griffin-Equestrian relations. We may not always get along, but it’s imperative that we do not go to war with them.”

Geldo snorted again. “And why not?”

“It wouldn’t be good for anyone. And really, peace is in our own self interest. A war of that type would be devastating for our nation.”

“Ah great. You’re not going soft, are you?”

“Me? Never. And watch what you say, underling.”

Geldo did not heed the warning. “Really?” he asked. “Then why don’t you want to fight them?”

Zeldo backed down slightly, and looked at Geldo solemnly. “Because they would flatten us.”

The two stood in silence for a moment.

“Also,” said President Zeldo, “The Equestrian guards told me something else in their report.”

Geldo looked nervous. “And... what was that?”

“They told me you mocked Equestria’s decision to be led by a female.”

Uh oh.

“Geldo?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“The rest of your behavior may be conditionally excusable, but such remarks are both highly unprofessional...”

Zeldo leaned in closer, her eyes boring into Geldo’s.

“...and unwise.”

Geldo was cowering in fear. Is this the end? Nice knowin’ ya, world.

“And I’m afraid I’ll have to relieve you of your duty.”

Geldo was still cowering.

“In other words, you’re fired.”

Huh? She’s not gonna kill me?

“...just scram, will you? This is getting awkward.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Geldo fled the Griffin State House in record time.

“Geez,” said President Zeldo, “that’s the last time I let commander Meldo appoint an ambassador. You’d think he’s trying to start a kerfuffle with the ponies.”

(And you’d be right.)

·

·

“Oh no what do I do what do I do what do I doooo?” Pinkie was having a freakout attack. Or maybe she was just being Pinkie. “I can’t see a thing I’d like to light a candle but I can’t find one! And I don’t wanna start Sugarcube Corner on fire agaiiiin!”

“Pinkie, keep it down! We’re trying to sleep!”

“Sorry Mrs. Cake!”

Just then, the moon rose up.

“Oh, thank Luna!” said Pinkie. By the light of the moon, she lit a candle. The room lit up, and all was well. Now she could stay up as late as she wanted. (Lyra had written some My Little Human fanfiction. It was... actually kinda lousy, but Pinkie was all over it.)

The other ponies had similar (though less, er, Pinkie-like) reactions. They all thought it was very strange how quickly the moon rose, but they figured it was just Luna coming to her senses and doing her job despite being on vacation. Whether this was a correct assumption, however, is yet to be known.

·

·

“Wow,” said Celestia. She was still examining Apple Bloom’s cutie mark, this time with a microscope. “It looks like you and your friends on your cutie mark have their own cutie marks.”

“Really?” said Apple Bloom. “It was too small for me to notice, I guess.”

Celestia turned a knob and increased the magnification. “And they do too! How many levels down does this go?”

“Gosh, I dunno.”

Luna slipped in without a sound. Zecora raised her eyebrows inquisitively, and Luna nodded with a smile. Celestia was too busy to notice.

“Well, Apple Bloom,” continued Celestia, “all I can say is you and your friends something very unique. You should be proud!”

“So, how goes it Sister?”

“Oh, Luna! Sorry, I got a little distracted there with Apple Bloom’s recursive cutie mark.”

“You ready to head on out?”

“Yes!” said Celestia. “Let’s see what other fun stuff we can do.”

“Yes, let’s!” Luna grinned slyly. “See you later, Zecora!”

“Same to you Luna, see you then!”

…

“Oh, did I forget Celestia again?”

Luna chuckled. Celestia looked annoyed.

“C’mon, sis,” Luna finally said, “Let’s get going.”

Zecora’s an interesting character, thought Celestia. She actually liked the fact that Zecora didn’t worship the ground the royal sisters walked on. It was nice to have somepony (or some zebra) actually joke around with them like that every now and then. And from this experience, she learned first-hand how Luna must feel about so many things – always being added in as an afterthought, if at all. Suddenly, the whole Nightmare Moon incident made a lot more sense. Celestia saw how crazy Twilight went when under stress, so who’s to blame Luna for acting in a similar (albeit scaled-up) manner?

Celestia was mulling these thoughts over as the sisters returned to the outskirts of Ponyville.

They heard shouting from the middle of town.

“Mwahahaha! You pathetic ponies will never see your precious sun again!”

“AAAAH NIGHTMARE MOON!”

“SHE’S BACK!!”

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”

“Somepony call Canterlot!”

Celestia looked at her sister. Plain ol’ Luna, right next to her.

Okay, thought Celestia, now that doesn’t make sense.

·

×

Chapter 5: Suddenly, a Wedding

·Chapter 5Suddenly, a WeddingWarning: contains extra randomness, and a brief crossover.

       You have·been warned!

Twilight looked at the elaborate room decorations.

I cannot believe I’m doing this.

Twilight looked at the tables, the chairs, the ponies, all looking great and dressed to impress.

The whole palace was brightly lit, a feat in itself considering the power was out. (Luckily, Spike had found a backup generator.)

I seriously cannot believe I’m doing this.

Twilight looked at the food. Oh, the food.

This is ridiculous.

Twilight looked at the bride and groom, happy as any couple could be.

I seriously, honest-to-Celestia, cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-fly, cannot believe this is actually happening.

Twilight sighed. This is so stupid.

“Mares and gentlecolts,” she began, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Derpy Doo and Time Turner Hooves... again.”

The crowd clapped politely.

Now, don’t get it wrong here – It’s not like Derpy and Time Turner got divorced and are getting back together or something. Oh no, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

You see, according to his official bio, Time Turner is in charge of “all things timey-wimey”. And, due to the structure of Equestrian marital law, Timer Turner and Derpy are not legally married if they travel back in time to before the point at which they had gotten married. And so, when this happens they need to get married all over again.

And don’t think this is an accident or an unfortunate technicality. Oh no, those two are doing this quite on purpose. Derpy likes weddings! And no, it’s not the fancy bridal dress, or the flowers, or the formality or the decorations.

It’s the food.

You see, Canterlot has the best muffins in all existence. And why go to the store when you can have them catered at a wedding?

“Woohoo!” shouted Derpy. Time Turner beamed.

“Derpy,” Twilight said through gritted teeth. “This is the thirty-second time you two have gotten married. It’s starting to get a bit ridiculous!”

Derpy stuck her tongue out at Twilight.

“Pbthbbtthth!”

Okay, thought Twilight, Celestia has presided over these two clowns’ weddings thirty one times. I’m sure I can handle it just once.

“The strength of their commitment is clear,” said Twilight, deadpan. “The power of their love, undeniable.”

Twilight soldiered on. She didn’t know much about weddings, so she just repeated almost word-for-word what Celestia had said when Cadance and Shining Armor had gotten married.

“May we have the rings, please? Oh, I see you’re already wearing them. Well then, I now pronounce you mare and colt.”

“Woohoo!” shouted Derpy again.

“You may now kiss—”

Derpy gave Time Turner a quick kiss, then ran off to eat muffins.

“—the bride?”

Time Turner watched Derpy devour her long-awaited favorite food, chuckling at her frenzied behavior.

“Well now, I guess my job is over,” said Twilight, her voice still monotonic.

“Hey, ya did good!” said Time Turner to Twilight. “She’s a real card, ain’t she? Can’t say I blame her, Canterlot has some good muffins!” Time Turner himself then ran off to eat some of those delicious baked goods.

Twilight approached Derpy.

“So, you must be a proud bride, huh?”

“Yup!”

“And those are really tasty muffins, huh?”

“Yup!”

“But let me get this straight: you and Time Turner went through the whole ordeal of getting married, up to and including time travel, just so you could get some free muffins!?”

“Pretty smart, huh?” said Derpy.

“I thought it wouldn’t work,” said Patrick.

Wait a second...

Patrick? Patrick Star!?

“Man Patrick, these muffins are—”

“Hang on Derpy, the ceiling’s talking to me again.”

Hello, Patrick.

“Hi, ceiling!”

You know you’re in the wrong universe, right?

“The wrong what?”

You belong in the show SpongeBob Squarepants, remember?

“Yup.”

And is this SpongeBob Squarepants?

“No, this is Patrick.”

... I think I’m going to kill you now.

“Uh... okay, I’ll leave! Bye every-pony! (Tee hee hee what a funny word...)”

Time Turner came rushing over.

“Was that just a giant starfish?”

“Yup!” said Derpy. “His name’s Patrick!”

“Well, he’s sure an interesting-looking fellow. Anyway, I was thinking we should—”

At that moment, a pegasus guard rushed in.

“ATTENTION EVERYPONY! NIGHTMARE MOON HAS RETURNED!”

·

DERPY IS BEST PONY.

Chapter 6: The Moon has been Doubled!

·Chapter 6The Moon has been Doubled!

·

When we last left Pinkie Pie, she was in her room reading lousy My Little Human fanfiction.

She didn’t think so, of course. She thought Lyra Heartsrings was the best fanfic writer ever!

When the moon first rose, she was glad, for it allowed her to safely light a candle by which to read.

What came with the moon, however, defeated that purpose.

“Mwahahaha! I have returned!”

After all, it’s hard to read when some lunatic outside is shouting at the top of her lungs.

“The night will last forever!”

Hey, wait a minute...

“That’s not a lunatic!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. “That’s Nightmare Moon!”

Pinkie thought for a second. “Oh wait that means that is a lunatic! ’Cause Nightmare Moon is craaa-zy!”

Pinkie thought for another second. “Oh no! Nightmare Moon! She’s here to gobble us up!”

“Pinkie!” shouted Cup Cake. “Keep it dow—oh I give up.”

Pinkie jumped out her window and ran to where she heard the shouting.

(Yes, she lives on the second floor. No, she didn’t get hurt when she jumped down. Because she’s Pinkie, that’s why.)

“Mwahahaha! You pathetic ponies will never see your precious sun again!”

Pinkie found the source of the shouting.

“Oh my Celestia, it really is her.” Pinkie stopped clowning around.

Ponyville, meanwhile, was in full-on panic mode.

“AAAAH NIGHTMARE MOON!”

“SHE’S BACK!!”

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”

Nightmare Moon stood tall above the townsponies, some of whom were cowering, most of whom were screaming and fleeing. Mayor Mare declared a state of emergency, cried “Somepony call Canterlot!” and fled like the rest.

Pinkie’s friends, however, were not cowering. They were approaching Nightmare Moon instead, ready to confront this new threat.

Oh, thought Pinkie, if only Twilight was here. She’d know what to say...

“Do you really think you can defeat me again?” Nightmare Moon goaded. “You foolish fillies. You cannot stand up to me without those precious Elements, now can you?”

“Princess Luna, I know you’re in there!” said Rarity. “This isn’t you! Wake up!”

“Princess Luna? That pushover?” Nightmare Moon snorted. “I’m afraid she’s not here!”

“Oh she’s in there somewhere,” said Rainbow Dash, “and we’ll beat her outta you if we have to!”

“No, I mean really,” said Nightmare Moon. “Luna’s not here. She’s in the Everfree Forest with Celestia.”

They heard hoofsteps on the edge of town. “Oh wait,” said Nightmare Moon. “I stand corrected. Luna is here after all.” She gestured toward the newcomers, which were indeed Princess Luna and her sister.

Luna and Nightmare Moon stared at each other. For a moment, time seemed to stop. Nightmare Moon’s face was as stoic as a wall of stone, while Luna’s jaw dropped and her eyes slowly widened.

Then suddenly, Luna screamed and shot a beam of magic at Nightmare Moon, which was dodged effortlessly.

Celestia was too stunned to do anything, but Luna immediately shouted “Somepony get her!” and charged.

“Hmm hmm, nice try Loony! TheNightWillLastForeverGoodBye!”

And with that, Nightmare Moon flew off.

Celestia snapped out of it, and she and Luna gave chase. They were right on Nightmare Moon’s tail when she winked out.

They landed. Celestia looked at her sister, stunned. “What was that?”

Luna shook her head. “I have no clue.”

The townsponies were still panicking.

“Everypony calm down!” snapped Luna.

Yeah, that didn’t exactly help.

Celestia put her hoof on Luna’s shoulder. “Let me try,” she said.

“Citizens of ponyville!” Celestia projected her words, but did not use the Royal Canterlot Voice because, well, yeah. It freaks ponies out.

When she spoke, the entire town fell silent.

“I do not know who or what that creature was,” Celestia said to the crowd, “but I can assure you it was not the real Nightmare Moon.”

The ponies of Ponyville didn’t seem convinced.

“I can prove it – I’ll show you we’re not stuck in eternal night. It’s close to midnight right now, but I’ll raise the sun anyway to demonstrate.”

Celestia’s horn glowed as she tried to raise the sun. But the sun did not come up.

Celestia nudged her sister. “Luna, bring the moon down so I can raise the sun,” she whispered.

“I... can’t.”

“Why not?”

Luna shook her head. “It’s not my moon.”

“What do you mean it’s not your moon!?”

“I didn’t bring it up, Sister. And I have no control over it.”

Celestia gave her sister a puzzled (and rather frightened) look. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No,” said Luna. “Now watch this.”

Luna’s horn glowed, and she raised the moon. Yes, while the moon was already up.

And now, the normally calm Celestia was freaking out.

“Luna! Why are there two moons in the sky?!”

Luna looked up at the twin moons. “Well you see,” she said, gesturing to the newly-risen moon, “that’s my moon, which I raise at night and lower in the day. And that,” she gestured to the other one, “is the Nightmare Moon.”

Celestia couldn’t take it anymore. In all her years (and she’s ooooollld), she had seen a lot, but never anything like this.

She fainted.

“Sister!”

No response.

The town resumed its freakout with renewed vigor.

·

×

Chapter 7: Facing Your Nightmares

·Chapter 7Facing Your Nightmares

·

Luna looked at the chaos surrounding her. She had no idea how to calm the Ponyville residents, so she didn’t even try.

Instead, she grabbed her unconscious sister and flew off. She soon realized, however, that this was impractical. Celestia was too heavy. (Maybe if she hadn’t gone on that dessert binge at Sugarcube Corner...)

So, once at altitude, Luna teleported, as her evil counterpart had done just moments ago. She and Celestia appeared in the air outside the royal palace.

And speaking of the royal palace, what had been happening there again?

Oh yeah. Derpy wedding. Ahem.

·

·

So, in walked the pegasus guard.

“ATTENTION EVERYPONY! NIGHTMARE MOON HAS RETURNED!”

Yay, panic time at Canterlot.

The guests fled.

“Oh noooo!” Derpy cried.

“Come on, Derpy!”

“Hang on a sec Timey!” Derpy was scarfing down muffins as fast as she could.

“There’s no time, dear!” Time Turner put his hoof around Derpy. His hourglass cutie mark glowed, and the two of them vanished.

Just then, Nightmare Moon entered the room.

“Mwahahaha! Why hello there, ‘Princess’ Twilight!”

“Nightmare Moon.” Twilight looked the monstrous mare in the eye.

Really? Nightmare Moon has to return now? I can’t do this on my own! Where the hay is Celestia?

“I’m going to enjoy sending you to oblivion!” Nightmare Moon’s horn began to glow.

“Wait,” said Twilight. Despite the danger she was in, her voice was solemn, sympathetic. Her face, sad. “Stop for a second, Luna. Think about this. Look at what you’ve become.”

“How many times must I—Luna is not here, you imbecile!”

“She’s in there somewhere,” said Twilight, her own horn glowing. “And I’ll bring her out.”

“Oh, is that a memory spell? How cute.”

“Not quite,” said Twilight. Horn still glowing, she removed Celestia’s crown from her head.

“So, you want to rule Equestria, don’t you Nightmare Moon?”

“Well, duh.”

“Then I suppose you’ll want this.” She held the crown in front of her.

And then, out of Twilight’s horn came... a magic glowy pink heart thingy. Of death.

The heart thingy went into the crown.

“You want it...” said Twilight, a crazy smile growing across her face, “...you need it...”

“GIVE IT TO ME!”

“Well then GO F$%&ING GET IT!” Twilight used her magic to open a window and throw the crown outside. It fell onto the ground several stories below.

Nightmare Moon charged out the window, breaking its frame in the process.

“IT’S MINE!”

Nightmare Moon flew straight into the ground, creating a moderate-sized dent in the concrete.

Twilight stuck her head out the window, then teleported onto the ground.

Nightmare Moon groaned in agony. The fall had left her stunned at the very least.

“And now that you can’t defend yourself,” said Twilight, “I can cast my memory spell.”

(Before she did that, however, she took this opportunity to remove the want-it-need-it spell from the crown. She’d learned her lesson the first time.)

And then Twilight’s horn glowed once again, and she lowered it towards Nightmare Moon.

The memory spell hit her with full force, and every memory she had flashed before her eyes.

“Why thank you!” said Nightmare Moon. “I’d forgotten some of what my plan was, so I’m glad you jogged my memory!”

Huh? Oh horsefeathers!

“Now if you don’t mind, I have an appointment with my dear friend Celestia.”

Nightmare Moon grinned at Twilight. Her face looked... almost friendly. What the...

“I’ll be in the throne room. Hope you can make it!”

And then Nightmare Moon winked out again, taking the crown with her.

·

·

Luna flew herself and Celestia into the castle, and they made their way to the throne room. Celestia was still out cold, so Luna had to drag her the whole way.

She hasn’t woken up yet? This isn’t just from Nightmare Moon—she must be exhausted.

On the way up, Luna heard commotion from the wedding room. Guests were fleeing, Nightmare Moon was laughing, etc.

Looks like she beat us here. Guess that’s to be expected.

Luna did not change course. Had she been awake, Celestia may have wanted to fly to the wedding room and battle Nightmare Moon right then and there. Luna, though, had a different plan.

Nightmare Moon beat them to the throne room as well, of course. She didn’t have a big white unconscious horse to drag along behind her.

“So you finally made it?” Nightmare Moon sneered. She was on the throne, wearing Celestia’s crown.

At that moment, Twilight had been sneaking along behind (very far behind) the royal sisters. She considered entering the throne room herself, but thought better of it.

“I don’t know who you are or how you came to be,” said Luna, “but I will end your reign!”

“Ooh, scary words! Why don’t you—hey! Celestia, wake up!”

Celestia opened her eyes slightly. “Huh, what now?” she mumbled.

“You’re not my target, Luna,” said Nightmare Moon. She pointed to Celestia. “She is. And my big moment doesn’t mean much if your overgrown sister isn’t conscious to witness it!”

Celestia was now wide awake. “If you want a fight, Nightmare Moon, then that’s what I’ll give you.”

“No.” Luna stepped forward. “This is my battle. I’ll take her on.”

“You?” Nightmare Moon laughed. “I thought you were joking before. I mean really, what are you ever good for? You’re weak! Worthless! You can’t handle anything worse than a filly with some bad dreams! Why do you think I came into existence in the first place? Because you couldn’t even handle the realities of everyday—”

“Shut up.”

Nightmare Moon stopped cold. Luna stepped forward, a fierce look in her eyes.

“Look, ‘Nightmare Moon’, I am the stewardess of the night, not you. And the night lasts as long as I say it does, and not a moment longer.”

Nightmare Moon took a step back. For the first time since she showed up, she actually looked scared.

Luna walked toward her evil counterpart, her horn blindingly bright. “Now,” she said, pointing it straight at Nightmare Moon, “be gone!”

        Princess Luna used Hyper Beam!

        A critical hit!

        ...

        Enemy Nightmare Moon fainted!

        *DO DEE DOO, DO DO DEE DO DO DEE DOOOOOO*

Nightmare Moon was knocked to the ground. Luna walked up and looked down at her.

“You haven’t seen the last of me,” said Nightmare Moon, trembling. “I’ll be back!”

And with that, she vanished into a cloud of stars and weird energy stuff, leaving behind Celestia’s crown.

Luna picked up the crown with her magic and placed it on Celestia’s head. “I believe this belongs to you, dear sister!”

Celestia was stunned. Luna defeated Nightmare Moon, singlehoofedly? Forget about those two somehow being different physical ponies, this alone was plenty crazy! Celestia had been about ready to break out the Elements of Harmony, but nope, not needed.

This, she decided, would require some serious thought.

·

×

Chapter 8: Reunion

·Chapter 8Reunion

·

After Nightmare Moon vanished, Twilight decided it was safe to enter the throne room.

“Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” she called, bursting in. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you!”

Twilight was panting from exhaustion, although it was mostly psychological.

“And Luna, you defeated Nightmare Moon! How? And how are you different—I mean...”

Twilight shook her head. This was all just too much.

Celestia, on the other hand, had managed to regain her own composure.

“Princess Twilight!” she said soothingly. “How are things, my faithful student? Hopefully nothing too distressing has happened in our absence.”

Twilight’s eyes got wide. “Oh, you wouldn’t believe the sort of horseapples I’ve had to deal with! First the sun wouldn’t go down, and while I was worrying about that, this ambassador from the Griffin Nation showed up and he was a real jerk and I kicked him out and now I’m worried I may have accidentally started a war.

“And then the sun went down. Good, right? Except then everything went dark because we didn’t have any power, and Spike had to find a backup generator, and it wouldn’t start and he had to open it up and breathe fire all over it just to get it going, and then Derpy and Time Turner got married, again, and I had to preside over their whole stupid muffin-themed wedding.

“And then, when I think things can’t get any weirder, freaking Nightmare Moon shows up out of nowhere and I had to fight her off singlehoofedly until you two showed up!”

The whole time Twilight was talking, Celestia was listening, nodding every now and then.

“My, it sounds like you’ve had one busy day!” she said once Twilight was finished.

“Sister!”

“Yes, Luna?”

“Don’t you think you’ve been a little harsh on your student?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You see, this,” said Luna to Twilight, “is why I call her Trollestia sometimes.”

“Nonsense, Luna!” rebutted Celestia. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I know. That’s the problem.”

“Huh?” Twilight was confused.

Luna sighed. “I’m afraid what Celestia did to you was a bit of a prank. She knew very well how much insane stuff you’d have to deal with.”

“She did? Then why’d she put me in charge?”

“She thought it would be funny.”

“Funny!? Did she know what I’d have to go through? Did she know Derpy would be getting married today?”

“Of course she knew about Derpy and Time Turner. That’s why she picked today to put you in charge.”

“Did she know that the palace (and half of Canterlot) had no power?”

“Yes, that too. She actually did that herself.”

Twilight looked at her mentor. “Why, Celestia? Why did you put me through all that?”

Celestia smiled. “It was a learning experience for you, my student. Yes, I did put you through those trials quite intentionally. And wouldn’t you say you’ve learned a lot? You got to meet an ambassador from another nation! You learned how to deal with an unexpected situation, such as the sun going down suddenly when you had no power – and you solved it! And you did it all with an extra pair of clumsy appendages that you weren’t accustomed to and didn’t know how to use. And to top it all off, you presided over a Canterlot wedding! How many mares your age can say they’ve done all that?”

Twilight thought about this.

“And yes,” confessed Celestia, “I also thought it was kinda funny. But, that wasn’t the main reason. I did this to teach you to solve problems. To teach you to deal with unusual, even downright bizarre, scenarios. To teach you to lead.”

Celestia had a point. Despite the stress she’d been through, Twilight did come out a better mare because of it all.

“Wow...” said Twilight. “That’s incredible. I guess I did learn a lot!”

“And yes, certain ponies do call me Trollestia.” She shot a look at her sister. “But sometimes a trickster’s lesson is what you need in order to really learn something.”

“Okay,” conceded Luna, “I may have misjudged your decision to put Twilight in charge. Looks like you knew what you were doing after all.”

“Thank you, Sister,” said Celestia.

“Yeah,” said Twilight, her attitude improving. “And I learned a bit about how to fend off a powerful attacker, too.”

…

“I mean, I’m guessing you planned that whole Nightmare Moon thing out as a lesson for me, right?”

Celestia was speechless. Oh right, that.

“It’s okay, I figured it out,” continued Twilight. “You wanted it to look like the real deal—that’s why you did that whole battle scene just now—but there’s no way that was really Nightmare Moon. I mean, come on.”

Celestia looked at Twilight, eyes wide. She shook her head.

“I’m sorry, my student,” said Celestia, “but as far as I can tell, that Nightmare Moon was quite real.”

“So then, what—”

“Nopony knows,” said Celestia, “but we shouldn’t have to worry about that now, thanks to Luna here.”

Luna smiled at Twilight. But it wasn’t the same friendly smile she’d given Mr. Cake way back when.

No, Luna looked sly. Like a weasel. A sneaky little weasel-pony.

“But, how—”

“Hyper Beam,” said Luna. “Works every time.”

“Luna, you have to teach me that spell sometime. Later, I mean. I’m exhausted right about now.”

“I don’t blame you, considering the day you’ve had.” Luna leaned in closer. “And she won’t admit it, but Celestia’s exhausted as well.”

Celestia didn’t look exhausted. She was standing tall, smiling grandly as she always does. But Twilight knew Luna was right.

“And I don’t just mean in the short term,” continued Luna. “She’s singlehoofedly held Equestria together for over a thousand years now. I’ve tried to help out since my return, but she still insists on doing most of the work. And believe me, it is work.”

Twilight thought back on her day. “Oh, I believe you.”

“And that,” said Celestia, “is the other reason I let you be in charge today.”

Yeah, Celestia heard everything. (Awkward...)

“I’ve ruled over this nation for most of my long life, and never have I complained.”

Celestia sighed. “But it’s true, I’m growing weary of my position. For my own health, I need somepony who can take over for me.”

What.

“Equestrian law dictates that the line of royal succession must go from one family member to another. Luna and I could change that on a whim, of course, but there’s no need to—when your brother married Cadance you became our niece-in-law.”

“Well technically, you’re our third cousin, 41-times-removed-in-law, although—”

“You’re ruining the moment, Luna...”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway,” Celestia continued, “your talents and abilities demonstrate that you would make a splendid leader of Equestria. Someday, I mean. Right now you still have much to learn—but you are definitely coming along nicely.”

This was a bit much to take in. Celestia wants me to lead Equestria? As in, permanently? She silently hoped that day would be a long way off.

“You two should talk about this more in the morning,” said Luna.

Celestia pouted, but Luna held firm. “Seriously, Sister, get some sleep. And you too, Twilight.”

“I suppose she has a point,” said Celestia. “Let’s get some rest, and tomorrow we can discuss your second day as Acting Princess.”

Second day? Twilight wasn’t sure she could handle another day like the one she’d just been through. But she was Celestia’s faithful student, and this was perhaps the most important lesson she would ever get from her teacher.

“And where do you think you’re going?” asked Luna.

Twilight jumped, then realized the accusation wasn’t directed at her.

“I’m... going to bed?” replied Celestia, somewhat confused.

“Is that your bedroom?”

“Um...”

“That’s the Royal Bedchamber, which is to be occupied only by a regent princess.”

“Which... I am?”

“But we ceded power to Twilight, remember? She gets to sleep there. You get to sleep in the guest room.”

“Seriously?”

“Really, it’s okay!” piped up Twilight. “I’m more familiar with the guest room anyway. I’d actually prefer to sleep there.”

Luna chuckled. “Come on, I’m just messing around!”

Celestia laughed a little, but it sounded forced. “Alright, enough of that. We’ve all had a very long day, and I’m going to bed before I collapse on the floor.”

As Twilight made her way to the guest room, she couldn’t help but think back to the books she’d read on the strange and convoluted behemoth that is Equestrian law.

As she was opening the door to her room, she saw Luna about to leave the castle.

“Hey, Luna...”

Luna turned to face her. “Yes?”

“I just realized... about the room arrangements...”

“Oh, hope I didn’t cause too much of a stir. I was just joking.”

“Yes,” said Twilight, “but technically, you were right.”

Oh. Luna raised her eyebrows. “I see why Celestia chose you to be her protege. You’re clever and well-read. A surprisingly rare combination in this day and age.”

With that, Luna walked outside and flew off.

Twilight climbed into the guest bed and pulled the covers over her, clumsily pushing her wings out of the way as was necessary. As she settled in, she noticed Spike curled up on the sofa. So that’s where he’s been! Not that I blame him... Spike’s presence actually made sense, as this had been her and Spike’s room back before Celestia sent them to Ponyville. After all that had happened, she was glad she at least got to sleep in a familiar environment.

Good night, little dragon, she thought, before drifting off to sleep.

·

Zzzzzz...

Chapter 9: A Lesson in Trolling, and Twilight’s Second Day

·Chapter 9A Trolling Lesson, and Twilight’s Second Day

·

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

Twilight opened her eyes. It was still dark outside.

“P-princess Luna? It’s kinda early, don’t you think? The sun’s not even out yet.”

“Of course it’s not!” Luna grinned that sneaky grin of hers.

Okay, what’s she up to?

“Sister’s not awake yet! And for the next hour or so you are my faithful student! Your lesson will begin shortly!”

“Huh?” Twilight was a little confused. (And she may not have woken up all the way yet.)

“The balcony!” exclaimed Luna. “Let’s go!”

And so Twilight followed Luna out to the balcony, envious of a certain still-asleep baby dragon.

“Now,” said Luna, once they’d arrived, “any good princess must have a sense of humor.”

Twilight gave Luna a puzzled look. Really?

“Yes, really. It’s more important than you think. That’s what keeps you from going crazy, among other things. So, your first lesson will be how to pull a good prank. I will demonstrate, and your job is to play along the best you can.”

Twilight nodded. “Okay, I’ll try.”

“That’s the spirit!” With that, Luna’s horn began to glow. She brought the moon down, and then the horizon in front of them began to grow brighter...

·

·

Celestia woke up. Ugh, how late did I sleep in? Did Luna forget to wake me when her shift was over?

She got up and stretched, her room illuminated by the morning light.

Celestia stopped. Something didn’t feel right. She couldn’t quite place her hoof on it, but...

She walked around a bit. Checked herself in the mirror. Everything looked fine.

Meh, she was probably worrying about nothing. She opened her bedchamber door, ready to (literally) start the day...

Hey wait a second! Why’s the sun up!?

(There we go! Geez, took her long enough.)

Celestia rushed outside. She made it to the balcony, where she was greeted by her sister and a very proud looking Twilight Sparkle.

“Sister! The sun’s up! How did—”

“Celestia, you have picked a splendid student!”

Twilight beamed at her.

“What—”

“I brought her out here and she raised the sun all by herself!” said Luna, smiling.

Celestia was flabbergasted. “There’s... there’s no way...”

“Apparently there is!” replied Luna.

“I... I was an old mare before I learned how to do that! H-how did she...?”

“Okay, Luna” said Twilight, “I think she’s had enough.”

“I guess so,” replied Luna, looking disappointed.

“Huh?” Celestia was confused. (But less so than before.)

“Oh, Luna got you!” said Twilight. “Yeah, I have no clue how to raise the sun. That was her doing.”

“But... that’s my job!”

“You’re welcome, then!” Luna gave Celestia a cheesy smile.

“Sister...” grumbled Celestia.

“Sounds like somepony’s grumpy in the morning!”

Celestia managed a chuckle. “Okay, I’m a little grumpy,” she admitted. “I just need my coffee.”

The three princesses* went back inside, and Luna went to the royal kitchen and brought back a hot cup of coffee for her sister.

(*Twilight’s not really a princess, of course. I just like calling her that.)

“For you, Sister!” said Luna. “Now find a comfy place to sit down and relax.”

Celestia looked at the coffee. I guess I do really need a break, she thought.

Then she rolled her eyes. Yes, I need a vacation from my vacation.

“Twilight,” said Luna, as Celestia sipped her coffee, “today will be a bit like yesterday, but hopefully less hectic. Celestia and I will be here if you need us, but you’re the only pony who’s actually in charge.”

Twilight nodded slowly, taking in what Luna was saying.

“Although, please don’t get us unless you do need us,” continued Luna, “because Celestia needs to recover from her psychological burnout, and I need to sleep.”

Luna yawned. “Speaking of, I’d better go catch some Z’s pretty soon. Celestia will give you a rundown for today’s itinerary—it shouldn’t give you too much trouble.”

Luna shot a look at her sister. “And then she is to retire to her study with her coffee and find a good book to read and not lift a hoof for any reason unless absolutely required.”

Celestia nodded at her sister. Understood.

“Good,” said Luna.

Celestia then conjured up a scroll. “Okay, Twilight. This is what you have on your plate for today. First, in the morning there is a meeting with the ambassador from the Griffin Nation. Then, in the evening, there is a wedding between Derpy Doo and Time Turner Hooves.”

“...what.”

“Sister, I think that’s yesterday’s itinerary.”

“No no, this is today’s.” Celestia went on to explain. “The Griffin Nation formally apologized for the behavior of Ambassador Geldo, and they’re sending over a new one in a second attempt to work things out. Also, Derpy and Time Turner’s wedding got ruined, so they need to do it over again.”

I’ll alert the muffin factory, thought Twilight.

The Derpy news was... not incredibly surprising, really. The news about the Griffin Nation, on the other hand, was a big relief to Twilight. She was so glad to not have started a war that it was almost worth putting up with Derpy and Time Turner’s antics. Almost.

Nah, she then decided, that’s OK too. It was pretty obvious what they were up to, and the royal sisters allowed it anyway. She might as well play along too.

Twilight began to plan things out in her head, looking for any obvious places where something could go wrong.

“Oh, Celestia! I just remembered!”

“Yes, Twilight?”

“We still don’t have any electricity.”

“Electro-what?”

“Electricity, Princess? You know...”

“No, I’m afraid I do not. What in my own name is this ‘Electricity’?”

“Celestia, the power’s out! We talked about this last night, remember?”

“Oh, the power! Why didn’t you say so?” Celestia’s horn glowed, and the lights in the castle surged brightly as her magic augmented the power of the backup generator. Lights all across Canterlot lit up.

“Sister, do not expend your energy like that today!”

Twilight looked at her mentor, a confused scowl on her face. “Wait, you do that?”

“Why of course, my student! How else would Canterlotarians get power?”

Luna looked at Twilight, and shook her head. “That’s Trollestia for you.”

“Why Sister, whatever do you mean?”

Luna sighed. “Twilight, my sister knows full well what electricity is. She studied it extensively when we were younger. She’s just trolling you. Again.”

“Although she really does provide power for all of Canterlot,” Luna then added. “Quite an amazing feat, really.”

“Geez Luna, I can’t even troll ponies anymore? What kind of vacation is this?”

“One where you relax, not power the whole city singlehoofedly! I can take over for that.”

“While you’re sleeping, dear sister? ‘Sorry everypony, there’s gonna be a blackout all day today, because our power source is napping right now!’”

“I don’t know, I’ll figure something out! But you need to—”

At that point, the royal sisters stopped arguing. There was a knock at the door.

“Good luck Twilight!” said Celestia. She tossed her crown onto Twilight’s head, and she and Luna winked out.

The ambassador had arrived.

·

×

Chapter 10: Diplomacy, Take 2

·Chapter 10Diplomacy, Take 2

·

“Princess Twilight!” called the pegasus guard. “The Griffin ambassador is here.”

“Splendid!” Twilight decided it was best to be optimistic. “Er...”

“...it’s a ‘him’ again.”

“Send him in!”

The guard left and returned with the new ambassador.

“Princess Twilight, I presume?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

The ambassador bowed. “It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Galdo.”

“Likewise, Mr. Galdo.”

Wow, thought Twilight, this guy’s actually polite!

Despite the cordiality, an awkward silence soon permeated the room.

“So... Mr. Galdo, what would you like to discuss?”

“Oh.” Galdo looked almost like he was dreading the question. He pulled out a few scrolls, maps, and other papers. “I’d like to discuss a few of the border conflicts between our two nations.”

Oh, border conflicts. Maybe I’ll start a war yet...

Galdo opened one of the maps and laid it out before Twilight. “I-I’m sure we can resolve this in a peaceful manner,” he said. “Now, let’s see what we’ve got here...”

...or maybe not. It’s incredible how different this fellow is from that Geldo jerk.

As Twilight and Galdo discussed the border disputes, it became clear that neither of them wanted to escalate international conflicts—and that both were deathly afraid of doing so by accident.

This is a night-and-day difference. Why would two ambassadors from the same country be so different? Should I ask him? No, that would be a breach of protocol, big time.

At that point, a royal servant entered the room with a covered food cart.

“Nourishments, for Princess Twilight and Ambassador Galdo.”

The servant bowed. “I understand you traveled quite some distance to Canterlot, ambassador. We figured you might be hungry.”

“Why thank you,” replied Galdo.

The servant uncovered the food cart. And in the cart was... muffins. Yes, left over from the ruined wedding.

Really? Is this another one of Celestia’s pranks? Twilight resisted the urge to facehoof.

Galdo picked up one of the muffins and nibbled on it with his beak.

“Hmm... I must say this is quite good. Although it’s very different from food back home.”

Twilight gave him an inquisitive look.

“I mean, we usually eat insects, fruit, fish occasionally... but never anything like this!”

Galdo munched on the muffin quite happily.

Twilight tried one. It was surprisingly stale, considering it was only a day old.

Is he just being polite?

Galdo didn’t seem like it. He was chowing down.

Screw it, this is just too weird. I’m asking him.

“Uh... Galdo?”

“Yes, Princess Twilight?”

“I, er... have a question about your position.”

“Ask away.”

“Well, the last Griffin ambassador to visit...”

“Geldo?” Galdo shook his head. “What an imbecile. I know it’s already been said, but I really must apologize for his behavior. In truth, we don’t eat horsemeat—” Galdo grimaced at the very thought “—and our own leader is female.”

“Then why was he—”

“He’s got issues. I really don’t know how he got the position in the first place.”

Wow, thought Twilight. Should he really be telling me all this?

Twilight’s curiosity, however, got the better of her.

“That’s what I was kind of wondering myself,” she said. “I mean, you two are so different—”

“Why thank you!”

“—and it seems strange that you’d both be appointed to the same position.”

“Well, Geldo was appointed by our military head, Commander Meldo. After Geldo got sacked, our president Zeldo appointed me directly.”

Ooh, this is interesting! But still...

“Uh, Galdo?”

“Yes, Princess?”

“You probably shouldn’t be telling me this.”

Galdo’s eyes got wide. And then he thought for a moment.

“I suppose not, but I figured the Equestrian Crown was owed an explanation for yesterday’s disastrous appointment. I can assure you nothing like that will happen again.”

“Why thank you,” said Twilight. “We’re glad to hear that.”

Did I just...

Eeyup, that was the Royal We!

(Oh no. She’s starting to become... like them.)

Galdo nodded, glad the conversation was heading in a more formal direction.

When Galdo had finished his muffin, the two resumed their talks of border conflicts. No immediate resolutions were made at this particular meeting (these things take time, my friend! Also, Twilight doesn’t want to give away half of Equestria on accident) but the two agreed to a summit between their respective governments to discuss the issue further.

When their meeting ended, Galdo bowed again and left, taking with him as many muffins as he could.

Once she was alone, Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.

Phew, that was exhausting. But it still went better than expected! Yay, no war with the Griffins.

At that moment, Celestia entered the room. “How did it go, my student?”

(Yes, she was spying on the meeting.)

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight was somewhat startled to see her. “Luna said you were supposed to be recuperating.”

“I think I can handle a little conversation, Twilight,” retorted Celestia. “Now tell me, what did you think of the meeting you just had?”

“It was... weird. That’s the only way I can describe it.”

“Yes it was,” replied Celestia. “That’s part of being a princess of Equestria, if you haven’t figured it out by now.”

Twlight chuckled a little. “I suppose it is.”

“So,” said Celestia, “what did you notice from the weird meeting you just had?”

“Well...” Twilight thought for a moment. “The first thing that struck me as strange was how differently Galdo acted from Geldo.”

“Go on...”

“Geldo was a total jerk, but Galdo was really nice. They were polar opposites.”

“Continue...”

“And Galdo actually told me he and Geldo were appointed by different griffins.”

“He did, now? And what can you deduce from all this?”

“I think the Griffin government is deeply divided. If Zeldo and Meldo don’t get along, this could possibly lead to a clash of power. Even a civil war.”

“Right you are, my student. Now, what else did you notice?”

“Galdo loved those muffins. It was weird, especially considering how stale they were.”

“And what does that tell you? Can you say anything based on what you’ve observed?”

“Well, Galdo also told me what most Griffins eat back home. It... didn’t sound too appetizing. I’d be tempted to conclude that, well, they’re actually having trouble feeding themselves.”

Celestia nodded solemnly. “Indeed they are.”

(In truth, Celestia already knew everything she just had Twilight deduce. She is the teacher, after all, and teachers don’t usually give a pop quiz without an answer sheet.)

Celestia went on to explain. “President Zeldo wants to secure a long-lasting peace with our own nation so that the Griffins may put more resources into growing food for themselves. Commander Meldo, on the other hand, believes he can restore the Griffin nation’s glory through war and conquest.”

“And so...”

“Yeah, they don’t like each other very much.”

“So, what do we do?”

“We bide our time,” replied Celestia, “and hope they’re not stupid enough to attack us.”

(Zeldo’s not, but Meldo is!)

Twilight couldn’t help but wonder what her mentor meant by that.

“So...” Twilight made a face. “But I mean... Equestria doesn’t have an army, does it?”

“Nope.”

“Navy? Air force?”

“None. I mean unless you count the Wonderbolts, but, well...” her voice trailed off.

“Then how...”

“How what, my student?”

“I mean, if the Griffins do attack us, how do we defend ourselves?”

Celestia grinned like she was waiting for the question. Her horn glowed brilliantly.

“That’s MY job!”

·

×

Chapter 11: I can haz Muffinz?

·Chapter 11I can haz Muffinz?

·

The rest of Twilight’s morning was more-or-less uneventful. She got herself a real breakfast, a few ponies came in to ask for her counsel, she had a few miscellaneous small tasks to deal with—all with her useless clumsy wings getting in the way constantly, of course—but really, nothing major.

And then, around noon, things started to go crazy. (She should really be used to that by now.)

“Princess Twilight, the bride and groom have arrived.”

Twilight groaned. Here we go again...

She walked out of the throne room, toward the castle entrance to greet Derpy and Time Turner. On her way down, she ran into Celestia.

“Twilight! There’s going to be a wedding again! Isn’t this exciting, my student?”

“I suppose so...”

“Oh, don’t be so glum. It’s not every day this sort of thing happens! It’s like, every other month or so.”

Twilight shook her head. But when they met with the bride and groom, she managed to put on a good face.

Not as good as Celestia’s, though.

“Hello, Derpy! Hello, Time Turner! So glad you could make it!” the regal princess exclaimed.

(That’s Celestia, by the way. She’s the regal princess. Twilight’s, like, the awkward princess or something.)

“Oh, nice to see you again!” said Time Turner. “Hopefully this goes better than last time.”

“Oh, I’m certain it will!” replied Celestia.

She wasn’t really certain, of course. What if Nightmare Moon came back?

“Ooh this is gonna be fun!” said Derpy. “We’re gonna get married, and dance to music, and EAT MUFFINZ! and stuff.”

Twilight shook her head again. Really?

“Go on now, you two get ready,” said Celestia. “Twilight and I will prepare the festivities.”

Twilight looked at her mentor. “Are we really going to do this?”

“Of course, my student! What could be more fun than a magic pony wedding?”

Celestia then trotted off, giddy at the idea. Oh and she was singing again.

“Deck the halls with tons of muffins, trololololol lol lol lol lol...”

Twilight facehoofed.

(By the way, in this case the word “magic” in “magic pony wedding” serves a double meaning, as both the ponies and the wedding are magic, i.e. it is both a magic wedding between ponies and a wedding between magic ponies. Okay, I’ll shut up now.)

·

·

“Princess Celestia!”

“Princess Celestia, where are you?”

“Princess Celestia!! This is urgent!”

Time Turner dashed through the halls of the castle, calling out frantically.

“Celestia! Twilight! Somepony!”

He eventually found a guard, who directed him to Celestia’s study.

“Princess Celestia!”

Celestia turned around, surprised to see Time Turner so distressed.

“Doctor Hooves? What’s the matter?”

The Doctor caught his breath. “Oh, this is terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible!”

“What is it, Time Turner? Spit it out!”

“It’s... Derpy,” said Time Turner. “I’m not sure what it is exactly, but she’s not acting herself.”

“Well, what’s she doing?”

“Her eyes are pointing the same direction, and she’s acting really grouchy. Plus, she suddenly insisted on being called by her full name, which she never uses!”

Celestia gave him a puzzled look.

“You don’t get it,” said Time Turner. “She usually doesn’t care what you call her. You can call her Ditzy, Derpy, Miss Doo, whatever! Once somepony called her ‘grey pony with the wonky eyes’ and she responded to that like it was her name, for pete’s sake! But suddenly she insists on being called—” Time Turner made a face “—Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo... which is the one name she hates!”

“You know,” said Celestia, “she may simply be nervous about your upcoming wedding. That does happen every now and then.”

“Yes, but not on this magnitude! And I know Derpy, she never acts like this!”

“Dear Doctor, do you remember Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding? The normally easygoing Princess Cadance was in a complete huff the whole day. It’s quite normal.”

Time Turner couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Yes I remember that wedding! You know what else I remember? That that wasn’t really Cadance! She was acting weird because she got replaced by a changeling!”

“Yes, of course,” replied Celestia, “but if you remember, nopony suspected a thing. (Except Twilight, because she’s a weirdo genius.) And the reason is because that sort of behavior is normal for some ponies before a wedding. Go to your bride. Talk to her. I’m sure everything will be all right.”

Time Turner got down on his knees. “Please, Princess, I beg of you! I know something isn’t right with her, and I need your help!”

Celestia thought this over. Time Turner was on the verge of tears.

Finally, she caved. She leaned in close to the Doctor.

“I can help you,” she whispered, “but you need to promise to keep this under wraps. Nopony can know.”

Time Turner nodded silently.

“Come with me,” said Celestia.

·

·

Luna lied on her bed, snoring.

“Sister!”

Luna opened her eyelids lazily. What is she doing? We’re both supposed to be resting.

She turned to see that her sister was accompanied by Time Turner.

“Sister, wake up!” said Celestia. “We have an emergency!”

“What!?” Luna jumped upright, now wide awake.

“Also, I challenge you to a trolling contest.”

·

·

While the royal sisters were discussing the Derpy emergency (and planning their ill-timed trolling contest, seriously what’s up with that?), Twilight was doing her best to prepare the festivities for the wedding. Again.

“Okay, that cart can go there, that one goes over there, that one can go anywhere, it doesn’t really matter they all have the same food anyway... let’s hang the drapes over there... no I don’t know why they’re muffin-themed either, just put them up... come on, the sooner we’re done the sooner this can all be over with... no, I don’t think muffin-flavored soda is a good idea... then again this is Derpy we’re talking about, so whatever... no, I think that would go better over there...”

Derpy trotted in.

“Oh hey Derpy!” Twilight wasn’t in the best of moods, but she was trying to at least be cheerful around Derpy and her fiancé.

“Please,” responded Derpy. “Call me, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo. Oh, and what’s with the decorum? Muffin-themed drapes? How tacky. I mean, what’s the deal with muffins anyway? Doesn’t anypony get tired of those things?”

Okay, who are you and what have you done with—oh.

No.

No no. No no no.

N-O.

NO! No no no no no!

No no no no no no no no!

Okay Twilight, keep calm. There’s no guarantee this is as bad as it looks. Think now, What Would Celestia Do? Eh, knowing her she’d probably go into full-on troll mode.

Twilight thought for a second. That... might actually work.

“My apologies, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo.” Her tongue felt strange after saying the name in full. “I will rectify the situation immediately.”

She turned to the large cast of wedding-makers. “Okay everypony, tear ’er down! We need a change of scenery for Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo!”

The cast looked at her, flummoxed.

“Come on, now! Let’s get some orderves—deviled eggs, imported cheese, locks on rye, get to it!”

Eventually one of the ponies said “Understood, Princess Twilight” and the cast began removing the wonderful muffin-themed decorations. Despite her earlier complaints, Twilight actually felt sad at the sight of it all coming down.

“Thanks,” said Derpy. “That food sounds much better.”

Hah, I’ve got you! thought Twilight. Nopony would eat that food. Specifically, nopony. But I had a hunch you would!

Twilight didn’t smile. She didn’t laugh, didn’t do anything to betray her inner thought process. And, beneath that, one line repeated itself through her head, echoing in her subconscious, over and over.

This day is going to be perfect.

·

×

Chapter 12: What About These Guys?

·Chapter 12What About These Guys?

·

Rainbow Dash scuffed at the ground. She paced back and forth.

Isn’t anypony else worried?

Apparently not. Fluttershy had invited them all over for lunch at her cottage, and Rainbow Dash watched as her friends played with Fluttershy’s numerous pets.

But I mean, Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be worried either, right? The sun and moon were both behaving normally now, meaning two things: Celestia and Luna were taking their jobs seriously, and Nightmare Moon had been vanquished. So all’s well, right?

But still, something about the situation bothered her.

And besides, when was Twilight coming back?

Rainbow began to seriously consider flying back to Canterlot on her own, just to check up on things.

At that moment, however, one of Canterlot’s pegasus guards landed just outside of Fluttershy’s lawn.

“Why hello,” said Fluttershy. “What brings you here?”

The guard opened a saddlebag and brought out a scroll.

“Urgent message for Fluttershy,” he said. The guard then looked around, and took out a few more scrolls. “And it appears your friends are here too. Good—I have the same message to deliver to them.”

He passed the scrolls to Fluttershy, and took off.

Fluttershy and her friends opened the scrolls. Indeed, they all did basically say the same thing.

Dear [pony],

You are cordially invited to the wedding of Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo

and Dr. Time Turner Hooves. The event starts tonight at 7:30PM,

although I would appreciate if you could arrive by 5:30 or earlier.

(The next train to Canterlot leaves Ponyville at 3:00.) Please do not

feel the need to dress up for the occasion.

Sincerely,

Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Twilight

“What the hay?” Applejack was confused. “This seems like an odd time to send a weddin’ invite, considerin’ the event’s today.”

“I know,” said Rainbow Dash, equally bewlidered. “And why doesn’t she want us dressing fancy?”

“And why’s she inviting us to this wedding anyway?” chimed in Pinkie Pie. “I mean, those two get married like every month or something.”

“Oh, isn’t this wonderful?” Rarity had just read the closing line. “Our little Twilight Sparkle is a princess now!”

The other ponies looked at her. We know, Rarity.

“I mean, I hope she’s coming back,” she appended sheepishly.

“This still doesn’t make any sense, though,” said Applejack. “Something’s not right here.”

“I think you’re right,” said Rainbow Dash. “I can’t quite put my nose on it, but something is definitely fishy.”

“Well, we can’t just not show up...” said Fluttershy.

“C’mon now!” said Pinkie. “We should go! Something tells me they need our help!”

Applejack looked at her friend. “Pinkie, would this ‘something’ be your Pinkie Sense?”

“Uh... maybe?”

After all this time, Applejack still didn’t quite believe in the Pinkie Sense.

In the end, the five ponies decided the best thing to do would be to follow the letters. They agreed to meet at the train station by 3 o’clock.

·

·

*flap flap*

*land*

*walk walk*

“President Zeldo! I have returned from Eques—”

“I’m afraid she isn’t here at the moment.”

“C-commander Meldo! What are you—”

“You have just returned from Equestria, correct?”

*nod nod*

“What is your report?”

“M-my re—”

“Yes, you moron. What happened during your visit?”

“W-well, I met with Princess Twilight—”

“Twilight?”

“Yes, Princess Twilight. And we—”

“Just this Twilight character? Nopony else?”

“Correct, sir. She was the only royalty I saw.”

“No sign of Celestia or Luna?”

“No, sir.”

“Well then.” A smile crept onto Meldo’s beak. (Don’t ask how, okay?) “Sounds like that old mare Celestia’s finally left. Or maybe she’s dead, I don’t really care.”

He chuckled. “And I’ll bet her flunky sister ditched Canterlot at the first sign of trouble.”

“Uh, Commander, we don’t know if—”

“It’s settled. Celestia’s gone. We attack at dawn.”

“Um...” Galdo backpedaled.

“And just where do you think you’re going?”

Galdo couldn’t take it anymore. He finally decided to grow a spine.

“To find Zeldo, you incompetent, war-crazy buffoon!”

“What did you just call me!?”

Galdo flew off. Meldo gave chase.

Meldo is big and muscular and tough-looking.

Galdo is little and skinny and very good at flying.

(I mean, that’s part of his job. The flying part, anyway.)

Meldo decided it wasn’t worth it (meaning, of course, he realized there was no way he could catch the speedy ambassador), and returned to Zeldo’s otherwise-vacated office.

He then straightened himself up, combed his feathers, and left to summon the troops.

·

·

The train ride to Canterlot was barely two hours, but it felt like forever.

The ponies knew something was up. They didn’t know what, of course, but that just made it all the more stressful for them.

Rainbow Dash sat in the corner of the train car, reading her letter over and over again.

It’s so odd for the royal sisters (and Twilight) to send something like this. Fancy wedding, but don’t dress up? And show up two full hours before the doors even open?

Rainbow didn’t know much about weddings, so maybe the two-hours thing was normal. But the rest of it was definitely strange. And she knew for a fact you’re supposed to send invites early—you don’t tell ponies about a wedding the day of!

The more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t shake the feeling—it was almost as if the princesses were trying to tell them something, but couldn’t risk stating it outright.

But what it could be, she hadn’t a clue.

·

×

Chapter 13: I can haz Muffinz!

·Chapter 13I can haz Muffinz!

·

“Princess Celestia, your special guests have arrived.”

“Why thank you.”

Celestia walked down to the castle entrance and opened the door. Behind it were Twilight’s friends.

“We, uh, came for the weddin’,” said Applejack.

“Good, good,” said Celestia. “Come with me.”

She sounded rushed. Hurried. Stressed.

I knew it! thought Rainbow Dash.

The others, though less suspicious than Rainbow Dash, thought the same thing—something was definitely wrong.

And Celestia was not leading them to the wedding room. No, they were going in pretty much the opposite direction. Eventually, they arrived at the hallway with all the stained glass murals.

“Here we are,” said Celestia once they’d reached the end of the hall.

Embedded in the wall was a vault, which she opened. She removed the Elements of Harmony from within.

“I apologize for bringing you here on such short notice,” said Celestia, handing out each of the necklaces to its respective wielder. “Something huge came up at the last minute.”

“So, er...” began Applejack, “what exactly is goin’ on?”

A fierce look came onto Celestia’s eyes. “It would appear an old foe of ours has returned. Hopefully the Elements of Harmony are not needed, but I do not want a repeat of what happened at Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding. If at all possible, leave the actual fighting to me. Your job is to ensure nopony gets hurt.”

“And just to be clear,” she added, “Use the Elements as a last resort only.”

This cleared things up quite a bit for the five ponies, but it also opened up a few more questions. Chief among them: why use the Elements only as a last resort? Why not open fire at the first sign of trouble? (I mean, the Elements only destroy evil, right? So there shouldn’t be any collateral damage if you miss.) All the same, the ponies trusted their leader, and agreed to follow her instructions.

·

·

“Hold still, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo!”

Twilight and Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo were in a dressing room in the back, and Twilight was having just a little trouble getting the wedding dress to fit.

“Ow, that hurts!”

“Well, we need to make sure the dress is on properly, right?”

“Too tight... can’t... breathe...”

“Huh, maybe this one’s too small for you. You really should have made sure it was the right size before taking all the tags off. I don’t know if we’ll be able to return it now.”

“I can assure you, this one fits me!”

“Well, maybe you’ve gained weight since you last tried it on.”

The Changeling Que—er, I mean Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo—growled.

“I have NOT gained weight!” she retorted. “Now put this thing on me correctly!”

“I’ll try... now let’s see, I’ll just...”

“OW!”

“Whoops, shoulda used a safety pin.”

“Am I bleeding? I’m bleeding!”

“Hang on, I’ll get the first aid kit...”

“Grrr...”

“Okay, I got the first aid stuff. Now this might hurt for a second...”

“OWOWOW!”

“Yep, that’s isopropyl alcohol for you. Kills them germs dead. Now let me wrap the gauze...”

“That’s too tight!”

“Wow, you sure are a complainer, aren’t you Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo? Don’t worry though, I’m sure this day is going to be absolutely perfect for you.” Twilight grinned at her sweetly.

“Oh, it better be,” replied Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo.

“Now let me just...”

“OW!”

·

·

“Princess Celestia, your other special guests have arrived.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Celestia rushed down the hall. She opened the front door.

“Cadance! Shining Armor! So glad you could make it on such short notice.”

“So what’s going on, Princess?” asked Shining Armor. “Your letter didn’t tell us much.”

“I’ll explain in a bit. Follow me...”

·

·

“So... can I see her?”

“Of course you may.”

“Thank you, Princess Luna.”

“No, thank you, Doctor. If you hadn’t noticed something was up, we never would’ve gone looking for her. Now, the hospital ward’s down this hallway...”

Luna led Time Turner to the hospital ward. Inside the first room was Derpy—the real one.

She looked battered and bruised, but had no serious injuries. She was munching on a muffin, and some of the muffin-themed wedding decorations were now adorning her hospital room.

“Hey there, sweetie.”

“Oh, hi Timey.” Derpy sounded exhausted.

“You holding up OK?”

“Eh, mostly.”

Hearing the visitors arrive, Derpy’s doctor entered the room. (An MD, I mean. Not, you know...)

“She appears to be fine, besides a few cuts and bruises,” he said. “But, we’re keeping her here until we know for sure she doesn’t have any broken bones or internal bleeding.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“My pleasure, Doctor.”

“So,” Time Turner turned towards his fiancée, “anything I can get you?”

Derpy shook her head. “I’m fine, I think.”

She looked straight at Time Turner with both her eyes. “Luna filled me in on things,” she said. “So don’t worry about me—focus on the job you have to do.”

Time Turner nodded. “I will.”

They embraced, and Luna escorted Time Turner back across the castle.

Oh, will I ever.

·

·

“Okay now Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo, looks like you’re almost ready!”

“Oh, finally...”

“Now let me just apply some facial cleansing stuff.”

“Okay, that stings!”

“That’s how you know it’s working!”

“I’ve had just about enough of this! I’m—”

*Knock knock*

“Come in!”

“Why hello Princess Twilight, and Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo!”

“Hi, Celestia!” Twilight smiled at her mentor.

Does she know? thought Twilight. Yeah, she’s making that troll face, she probably knows.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” said Fake Derpy. “Twilight’s ‘help’ has been a bit of a pain.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that,” said Celestia. “Let me fix you up there.”

Celestia cast a healing spell, and removed Fake Derpy’s gauze. The puncture wound was gone.

Or, maybe she doesn’t know...

“I’ll take over, Twilight,” said Celestia.

Dang. “Fine, go ahead.”

Celestia observed Fake Derpy’s condition. “Now, let’s see about fitting this dress better...”

“OW!”

“Well gee, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo, you are a complainer now aren’t you! Now, are you sure you’re not too fat for this dress?”

So she does know! Phew! This should make things a lot easier.

“Yes, I am!” replied Fake Derpy.

“So you are too fat for this dress? Then—”

“Arrgh! No, I’m not!”

“Ooooh, you’re not sure you’re not too fat for the dress! I’m sure we can get somepony to size you, then. You know, you really should’ve left the tags on this thing if—”

“AAAH! I’m not too fat for this stupid dress, and I’d appreciate it if you would actually help me, you big equine oaf!”

Celestia looked Fake Derpy in the eye.

Fake Derpy sighed. “I’d appreciate it if you would actually help me, please, my dear Princess Celestia.”

“That’s much better!” said Celestia, beaming. “I’d be glad to! Now let me—”

“OW OW FOR THE LOVE OF—!”

*Healing spell*

“Okay let’s try that again...”

“OW!”

“Oh, sorry!”

*Healing spell*

“Okay, let’s curl your mane a little...”

“AAAAAH!”

“Oops, that’s not a mane curler, that’s a soldering iron! What’s that doing here?”

*Healing spell*

“Now let me just get this chainsaw going...”

“OH FORGET IT, I’m just going to—”

*Knock knock*

*Open*

“Princess Luna! So glad to see you, dear sister!”

“And We are glad to see thou!”

“AAH my ears!” (That was Fake Derpy, if you’re curious. Celestia and Twilight are used to it by now.)

“Oh sorry,” said Luna, speaking normally now. “So, what exactly is going on here?”

“Why, I’m preparing Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo for her wedding! Which is... in about an hour now. We should really get going!”

“Agreed!” replied Luna. “Some of the guests have already arrived!”

The normal ones, right?

“Rightey-oh!”

You have to teach me how you do that, Luna.

“Will do! Right after I teach Twilight the Hyper Beam spell, anyhow. She asked first, so she has dibs.”

“What is she talking about?”

“Oh, nothing to be concerned about, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo! Now let’s get going!”

The four of them exited the cramped dressing room, and made their way down the hall.

While Luna was busy distracting Fake Derpy, Celestia pulled Twilight aside.

“First off, I’ll need this back now.” Celestia took her crown back from atop Twilight’s head.

At this point, Twilight didn’t mind. The crown had been getting heavy anyway, both literally and metaphorically.

(Well, not literally literally, conservation of mass and whatnot...)

“And this—” Celestia pulled out the Element of Magic “—is for you!”

“Huh?” Twilight was surprised to see it. “You want me to wear that?”

“Yes, Twilight. Your friends have been summoned here as well, and they already have theirs.”

Twilight was still a little startled by this sudden development. But then again, it did make sense.

“Good plan,” Twilight eventually said, “considering what we’re up against.”

Twilight put the crown on, Celestia nodded, and the two went back to join Luna and Fake Derpy.

·

×

Chapter 14: War Preparations, and Meldo the Onion

·Chapter 14War Preparations, and Meldo the Onion

·

Galdo zipped through the air as fast as he safely could. He occasionally felt the effects of transonic airflow, and so he dared not increase his speed further.

I must find the president.

He kept his eyes peeled for his target.

Eventually, he found what he was looking for. He decelerated, spiraled down, and landed.

He could only hope that he wasn’t too late.

·

·

Gilda laced up her boots. She put on war paint under her eyes. She checked herself over in the mirror, making sure she had not a feather out of place.

And then she stopped and pondered.

Why are we going to war with Equestria?

It was far from her place to ask such questions, however, as Gilda was a relatively new recruit to the Griffin Air Force.

Now, when one thinks of a national air force, one usually thinks of a complicated, regimented, organized, and sophisticated military branch.

The Griffin Air Force... not so much. They had no airplanes. No guns. No missiles. Nothing but their wings, beaks, and talons.

And as such, Gilda’s job wasn’t too complicated. It was basically “swoop down and kill stuff.”

Sure, she’d never actually done that before—there hadn’t been any wars in the short time since she’d joined—but really, how hard could it be? Swoop down, kill stuff! Easy as pie!

Still, she had her doubts.

Gilda wouldn’t admit it, but she’d grown fond of Equestria. Sure, she’d likely describe most of the residents as ‘a buncha stupid lame-oes’, but regardless, she had been through a lot over there. After all, she’d lived there for a few years, back when she was working in Cloudsdale.

Hello, former coworkers! I am here to slice you up and/or take over your beloved country!

Talk about awkward!

And finally: if nothing else, invading Equestria seemed stupid.

I mean really, try pulling swoop-down-kill-stuff when the “stuff” is Celestia, and see what happens!

That’s not just stupid—that’s outright suicidal.

True, Commander Meldo had announced that Celestia and Luna had left. That fact alone would make an invasion a full order of magnitude easier.

Then again, suppose Meldo was wrong?

Meh, thought Gilda, Meldo’s never wrong.

But! What if?

The Griffin Nation would probably become a moon colony or something.

Or, it might become a giant crater in the earth.

All depends on Celestia’s mood, really.

Regardless, Gilda had made her commitment, and so she left to report for duty.

·

·

President Zeldo sat in her home, sipping her tea. The stress of holding the Griffin Nation together was beginning to wear on her, so she had decided to take a personal day. She knew Vice President Yeldo would do a good job in her absence.

*Knock knock knock*

Huh?

Zeldo didn’t expect to hear from anyone today.

She was looking forward to a day off, dang it! (Sound familiar?)

Nevertheless, she opened the door.

“President Zeldo! Thank goodness you’re home!”

“Glado!? What are you doing here?”

“Meldo’s going to attack Equestria!”

Zeldo blinked. “...what.”

“He thinks Celestia’s flown the coop and he’s launching an attack tomorrow morning!”

Zeldo was having trouble processing this information. “But... chain of command... and I know Yeldo wouldn’t declare war...”

“I don’t think Meldo’s waiting for a declaration, ma’am.”

“But then how—”

Galdo shrugged. “Meldo’s a scary guy. The troops listen to him. He says ‘Attack!’ and they attack.”

“Also,” he added, “I found Meldo in your office; Yeldo was nowhere to be seen.”

“That rotten son-of-a...” Zeldo seethed. “He’s going to get us all killed!”

“If if makes you feel better, I called him an incompetent, war-crazy buffoon.”

Zeldo raised an eyebrow. “You called him that to his face?”

“Yep.”

“You are one brave griffin, ambassador.”

The two laughed, and then abruptly stopped.

Galdo looked down. “So, what do we do now?”

The president looked at him.

“Galdo, how fast can you fly?”

·

·

Commander Meldo was rallying the troops. He gave a grandiose speech about conquering Equestria, and the riches it would bring.

Now, this may be the time to say something about out dear friend Meldo.

He was fierce, tough-looking guy, and a skilled fighter. He had made a great foot-soldier, and did very well as a general. But when it came time to run the entire military, he was a terrible commander. Under his stewardship, the Griffin armed forces had been run almost completely into the ground.

There had been proposals to develop better military technology, but Meldo was never interested. He didn’t want something that would be useful a year or three down the road. No, he wanted immediate results.

And so, he’d make other, more short-term investments.

Like, talon sharpeners and stuff. (Whatever!)

This attitude usually helped in the short run, but it always came back to bite him eventually.

Most things did.

You really gotta feel sorry for the poor guy. No, seriously.

The time has come to peel back some layers, dear reader.

·

· ·

“Ooh, what’s this?”

“Give it back, Blado!”

“You like dolls? Hey everyone, Meldo’s playing with dolls!”

“They’re action figures! And they’re mine!”

“Hey Faldo, catch!”

“Keep away!”

· ·

· ·

“You? Seriously? You sure you’re not joking?”

“Y-yes, sir. I-I’d like to join.”

“So, Mister Meldo, what exactly do you do?”

“Well, I—”

“Besides collect old military action figures, I mean.”

“...”

“Look, kid, I don’t think this is the right place for you.”

“B-but—”

“Scram. Trust me, this is for you own good—you’d never survive in the army.”

“But I—”

“Come back when you’ve grown a spine, maybe.”

“Yes, sir!”

· ·

· ·

“And what’s your name, little runt?”

“M-meldo...”

“Tell me Meldo, are you tired of being walked on?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Are you tired of being a pushover?”

“Yes sir.”

“ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING A WIMP?”

*Nod nod*

“Well then I, Macho Minotaur, can toughen you up!”

*Nervous smile*

*Crowd cheering*

· ·

· ·

“What kind of angry look is that? You need to look ANGRY!”

“Okay, I’ll try...”

“And remember: when someone tries to block, SHOW THEM THAT YOU ROCK!”

“I... think I can do that.”

*Door creak*

“Uh, dad...?”

“No. Try that again, Iron.”

“DAD! IRON WILL DEMANDS MORE ORANGE JUICE!”

“Now that’s a good little minotaur! See Meldo, you could learn a lot from my son here.”

*Nod nod*

· ·

· ·

Okay, time to try out what Macho Minotaur taught me.

*Stand straight*

*Shoulders level*

*Look of confidence*

*Sigh*

Here we go...

“Felda, will you go to the prom with me?”

“You? Who would go with a wimp like you?”

“O...okay. N-never mind...”

*Walk away*

*Cry*

...

“She said what?”

“She didn’t want to go with me, Macho.”

“Don’t let that get you down, Meldo! NEVER let a woman have power over you like that!”

“...understood.”

“Now, let’s get you out of that frump. FRUMPS ARE FOR WIMPS!”

*Nod nod*

“And Macho Minotaur believes it’s time for you to do something about that scrawny frame.”

*Nod nod*

...

*Lift*

*Crunch*

*Squat*

*Bench press*

*etc.*

· ·

· ·

*Apply*

“Wait, you’re that Meldo?”

“Yes I am, sir.”

“Well what can I say, you look like a whole new griffin! I will pass along your application.”

“Thank you, sir.”

· ·

· ·

“Meldo, your work in the armed forces has been commendable. We’re promoting you to the office of General.”

“Thank you, sir.”

· ·

· ·

“Meldo, you have been selected as the replacement for the retired Supreme Commander Weldo.”

“Thank you, sir. It is an honor.”

· ·

· ·

“Commander Meldo, I would like a word with you.”

*Grumble*

“Yes, President Zeldo?”

“I understand the previous holder of my office supported your... unusual methods. However, I cannot say the same for myself.”

** NEVER let a woman have power over you like that! **

*SLASH*

*BLOCK*

*COUNTER-PUNCH*

“If you will allow me to continue, Commander...”

*Gaaaaaasp*

“Vice President Yeldo believes that you should be relieved from duty. However, I do not think it would be right to remove you from a position which you have faithfully held for so long.”

Huh?

“I’m going to give you a chance in my new regime. Please don’t f*** this up.”

*Nod nod*

· ·

· ·

*Ring ring*

*Answer*

“Is this the Supreme Commander Meldo?”

“Affirmative. With whom am I speaking?”

“This is Macho Minotaur.”

You again?

“Macho Minotaur is calling because Macho Minotaur heard about what you did.”

“How did you...?”

“Eh... Macho Minotaur has connections within the military.”

...

“Anyway! That is NOT what I meant when I gave you that rejection pep talk. Macho Minotaur is worried that you have taken his lessons the wrong—”

“Enough. I tire of you.”

“What?”

“I thought you were strong, but apparently I was mistaken.”

“But—”

“Soon, the whole world will know what true strength is.”

“Oh no... what has Macho Minotaur done?”

“Goodbye now.”

*Hang up.*

· ·

· ·

“President Zeldo! I have returned from Eques—”

“I’m afraid she isn’t here at the moment.”

“C-commander Meldo! What are you—”

“You have just returned from Equestria, correct?”

...

“She was the only royalty I saw.”

“No sign of Celestia or Luna?”

“No, sir.”

...

“It’s settled. Celestia’s gone. We attack at dawn.”

· ·

·

Now, it is finally time.

Zeldo is on vacation, Yeldo is taking a little nap, and Celestia is out of my hair at last.

Time to attack. Time to conquer.

Time to make the Griffin Nation great again.

·

×

Chapter 15: I CAN HAZ MUFFINZ!!!

·Chapter 15I CAN HAZ MUFFINZ!!!Warning: contains no randomness, and no crossovers.(But maybe some trolling.)

·

“Do we all know our positions?”

“Yes, sir!” The Element bearers nodded. (Sans Twilight, who was busy ‘helping’ Fake Derpy.)

“Good! Now just as a reminder, the primary objective is to prevent any collateral damage. Do not enter the fray yourself unless absolutely necessary.”

“Understood!”

“Also—and this is vital—make absolutely sure you will be outside the protective spell Cadance and I cast. You will need to stand a good distance behind us, but still keep well ahead of the guests.”

“Can do!”

Shining Armor was proud of the friends his sister had made. They embodied the Elements of Harmony well, and seemed to be quite good at following directions when called upon. As the former captain of Canterlot’s royal guard, he’d met many competent ponies, but also quite a few who were much worse at their jobs than these five. Hopefully Twilight would know her cues as well, and hopefully there wouldn’t be any mishaps.

·

·

Time Turner entered the wedding room. He examined his surroundings, considering how best to play his part.

The whole thing was quite unusual for a wedding. There were no bridesmaids. There was no best mare. And the closest spot for guests to stand was suspiciously far away from the altar.

Roughly half the guests had taken their places by now, and they didn’t seem to suspect anything.

As Time Turner walked down the aisle, he noted that there were eight notes placed on the floor, in the roped-off area between the altar and the guests. Each one said:

This spot reserved for Special Guest

They were arranged with four on each side of the aisle—one in front and the other three a moderate distance behind it.

Looks good, he thought, placing in his mind where Cadance, Shining Armor, and the Element bearers would be.

In some ways, Time Turner’s job was the most difficult. True, he didn’t have to do any fighting, nor did he have to project a barrier or wield a magical friendship-powered superweapon.

No, he had to do something much more terrifying.

He had to stand on the altar, inches away from that thing, and hope against hope that he didn’t get splattered. Everypony else was either a safe distance away, or had vast god-like powers.

He thought back to his hospital visit to Derpy. How it enraged him to see her like that. He then realized that of all the victims, past and potential, Derpy had gotten off pretty light.

He thought back to Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding. The giant protective spell, that the exhausted groom himself had had to cast. The ragged, half-starved bride. The changeling attack that he himself barely made it out of unscathed.

No.

Time Turner felt a tremendous, unwavering resolve rise up from within.

Not again.

The Doctor walked up to the altar, and plopped himself down.

And now I wait.

·

·

“Why, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo, you look absolutely Fabulous!”

“Thank you, small blue version of Celestia.”

Luna started to grumble, but stopped herself.

No. You are not the troll, stupid fake version of Derpy. You are the victim.

“You know,” said Luna, recovering in an instant, “speaking of Celestia, you should be honored to have her presiding over your wedding. It’s not every day Sister does such a thing!”

Eh. Been there, done that.

“What was that, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo?” Luna looked at Fake Derpy inquisitively.

“I didn’t say anything! Weirdo...”

We’re back, Sister, thought Celestia.

Luna nodded subtly.

Soon, the four reached another back room.

“And now, we wait!” said Luna to Fake Derpy. “You and I, anyway. Celestia’s presiding over the wedding, and Twilight gets to take her seat in the front row.”

Fake Derpy scowled. She was starting to feel like Luna was treating her like a child.

“Now you gotta stay here, missy!” said Luna, “You know it’s bad luck for the groom to see you before you walk down the aisle, don’t you? Yes it iii-is, yes it iii-is!”

How much longer must I put up with these morons?

“Hmm, about 30 more minutes.”

“Huh?”

“30 minutes until the wedding commences, I mean,” elaborated Luna.

While Luna and Fake Derpy were talking, Celestia led Twilight to her spot. Almost all the remaining guests had arrived at this point.

“One more thing,” said Celestia. “I told your friends this also—use the Elements as a last resort only.” She then walked off to the altar.

Huh? Twilight was as puzzled as her friends were by that statement, but she didn’t have time to question it. A little short on information, she decided to look around to determine the best course of action.

The first thing she noticed was that her friends were already in their positions.

“Boy am I glad to see you five!” she said.

Then the stallion in front of her turned around.

“Twily!”

“Big brother?”

“Surprise!”

Twilight looked across the aisle and saw Cadance.

Cadance turned and looked back at her, with an expression that said uh... we’ll do the Sunshine Sunshine song later, okay?

(Yes, they will. And yes, you’ll have to put up with it.)

At the altar, Celestia leaned down to talk to Time Turner.

“Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, your majesty. Let’s do this.”

“You know what to do when I give the signal, right?”

“Of course—run like the dickens.”

Celestia nodded.

It’s time.

·

·

*Doooo Do Do Doooo*

*Doooo Do Do Doooo*

*Doooo Do Do Doooo Doo Doo Dooooo Do Do Dooooo*

Fake Derpy walked down the aisle.

This is it, she thought.

I have put up with these fools for long enough.

I will finally take what’s mine.

Luna watched from the back of the room, smiling.

No ya won’t, she thought.

Trollestia may have won this round, but I’ll win that contest yet.

But first, of course, you go bye-bye, my fine insectoid friend.

Fake Derpy arrived at the altar. She might have noticed the strange arrangements, but she didn’t really care. After all, she didn’t need a perfect wedding.

All she needed was the Doctor.

Celestia cleared her throat. The room fell silent.

“Mares and Gentlecolts,” the princess began, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of...”

Celestia stopped. Time Turner’s heart was thumping in his chest, threatening to leap out of his mouth.

Fake Derpy looked at Celestia, wondering what the holdup was.

Celestia looked back at Fake Derpy. Words cannot describe the princess’s expression at that moment, but suffice to say it was the most troll-tastic face made by any creature, ever.

Celestia’s horn glowed incredibly bright, momentarily blinding Fake Derpy.

“...yes, Chrysalis, we know it’s you.”

At the mention of her name, a number of things happened very quickly.

First, Time Turner bolted off the altar.

Then, once the Doctor had made it safely past Cadance and Shining Armor, those two cast a barrier spell around Celestia, Chrysalis, and the surrounding area.

And finally, Celestia loosed a bolt of magic powerful enough to destroy the entire castle.

It didn’t, of course—that’s what the barrier spell’s for.

(See, that is why Cadance and Shining armor are important here—castles are fragile and expensive! And so are the ponies in the castle.)

The Element bearers began herding guests out of the room, though the guests didn’t need much persuading.

Celestia’s attack flung Chrysalis against the barrier, and forcefully reverted her to her true form.

The Changeling Queen fell to the ground. She looked up at Celestia, enraged.

Celestia smiled back.

Chrysalis gritted her teeth. “Why you little—”

Celestia cut her off, walking towards her while singing a rather creepy song.

“This day is going to be perfect,the kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since last we met.Now you’ve nowhere left to run, sorry Chryssie but you’re done,Just who I am did you so soon forget?”

Chrysalis just stared at her. And then she regained her composure.

“YOU. RUIN. EVERYTHING!”

“Really?” Celestia stopped smiling. “I ruin everything? You kidnap my neice, throw her in a cave, impersonate her, brainwash and try to marry her fiancé—who happens to also be the best guard I’ve ever had and my personal student’s older brother—and when that fails you bring in an army to invade Canterlot! And then, when that doesn’t work out either, you beat up poor little Derpy and try to walk off with the Doctor so you can go back in time and try the whole thing again! And you say I ruin everything!?”

Chrysalis didn’t have a response to that. So instead she got up, her own horn glowing, and charged at the princess.

Celestia stood her ground, that wicked grin returning to her face.

At the moment of impact, they both vanished.

·

·

“We all clear?” asked Applejack.

Cadance nodded. “All clear. But keep your guard up.”

Celestia and Chrysalis were gone, but Cadance and Shining Armor did not dismiss their protection spell. The large, purple barrier remained, now empty, around the altar.

Unlike the others, Twilight had not been filled in on the whole of Celestia’s plan. She managed to pick up on it quickly enough, though. She figured that Celestia, master of teleportation, had chosen to move the battle elsewhere.

“So, what do we do now?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“We keep ourselves on guard,” replied Shining Armor, “in case they come back.”

“It’s not too likely they will,” elaborated Cadance. “At least, not until the battle’s over. But you can never be too careful.”

Twilight thought about all this. All the preparations made by her mentor, including the summoning of both the Element bearers and Cadance & Shining Armor, were only needed for the initial transition to some remote location.

The princess could have done away with it all, and a lesser ruler indeed would have. But not Celestia. She wouldn’t let her subjects be exposed to danger, even for a moment.

But what happens now? And when would Celestia come back?

Twilight’s guess was as good as anypony else’s.

·

×

Chapter 16: A Visitor for Derpy

·Chapter 16A Visitor for Derpy

·

Galdo zipped through the air. Again.

Only this time, he wasn’t alone. President Zeldo was drafting behind him.

They soared over the ocean, as they had been for quite some time. Finally, Galdo spotted the outline of the coast in the distance.

Equestria. We’ve beaten them there.

The two griffins flew inland, searching for Canterlot.

This shouldn’t be too hard, thought Galdo. After all, he’d flown this path before.

Once.

After they’d covered a few kilometers,* Galdo began to worry.

*(Griffins use the Metric system, while Equestrians use a mix of Metric, English, and who knows what else. That’s my headcanon and I’m stickin’ to it!)

Luckily, at around that moment Zeldo spotted something.

“There it is!” shouted the Griffin president.

Galdo scoured the ground with his eyes, and spotted the castle. Its faint glow contrasted with the backdrop of the night, but barely.

The two slowed their flight, and descended toward the castle.

They halted their approach, however, when they noticed two figures on the roof.

One was small, while the other was quite large... and ominous-looking.

“Stay behind me, Ambassador,” said Zeldo. She slowed to a near-hover and cautiously approached the castle roof.

As she got closer, she got a better view of the two figures. The small one was a harmless-looking grey pegasus, but the other one...

Could it be?

·

· ·

“So... can I see her?”

“Of course you may.”

“Thank you, Princess Luna.”

...

“Hey there, sweetie.”

“Oh, hi Timey.”

“You holding up OK?”

“Eh, mostly.”

...

“So, anything I can get you?”

“I’m fine, I think. Luna filled me in on things, so don’t worry about me. Focus on the job you have to do.”

“I will.”

...

Derpy sat in her hospital bed.

She was sad.

For one thing, she’d been beaten up by Chrysalis and imprisoned in the caves beneath the castle, where she’d stayed until Luna found her. Never good for one’s psyche, something like that is.

For another, her wedding with Time Turner had been ruined. Again.

Also, she was worried. She’d just watched her fiancé leave for the wedding-turned-bug-trap, and feared what could happen to him. Who would knowingly and willingly stand inches away from a changeling queen?

But there was nothing she could do now. Even if the medical staff deemed her fit to leave, she would still have to keep herself hidden. Chrysalis still thought she was being stealthy, and they couldn’t let her know she’d been found out.

And then—

*Knock knock*

“Ah, it appears you have another visitor, Miss Derpy,” said the doctor.

(The MD again, I mean. Not Timey. Timey’s at the altar right about now.)

“Let met get the—”

He opened the door.

“—woah nelly!”

The MD fainted, and a certain pitch-black alicorn entered the room.

Derpy looked at the new visitor, wide-eyed.

“NIGHTMARE MOON!?”

“Calm down, calm down,” said Nightmare Moon. “The whole castle’s going to hear you.”

“AHHHH—”

“Silence, cross-eyed one!”

Derpy froze immediately.

Nightmare Moon looked down.

“Er... I mean, please be quiet Derpy. We can’t let anypony hear us.”

Huh? Derpy was confused. Why was Nightmare Moon being nice all the sudden?

(And if she’s trying to be stealthy, why for pony’s sake did she use the Royal Canterlot Voice?)

Nightmare Moon pawed at the ground with her hoof. She looked down dejectedly.

“I, er... I’m sorry I kinda ruined your wedding last night.”

Huh??

“It was just a prank Luna and I were pulling. Guess it kinda got outta hand.”

Huh???

“Anyway, I couldn’t stand the thought of you being stuck in here the whole time. You need to see what’s about to happen!”

“What...” Derpy braved a question. “What’s gonna happen?”

“Chryssie’s gonna get it!” said Nightmare Moon excitedly. “And I’m gonna make sure you’re there to see it!”

She pulled Derpy out of the hospital bed. “Now come on!”

The MD had woken up. “Hey, she can’t go anywhere—”

“Silence, medically educated one!”

...aaand the MD passed out again.

· ·

· ·

“Okay, here we are!”

Nightmare Moon had led Derpy onto the roof of the castle. They were situated above the wedding room, and could see the altar through a window.

“Hmm...,” said Nightmare Moon. “Looks like we still have an hour or so. I’ll be right back!”

The alicorn flew off, leaving Derpy alone on the roof.

Derpy looked down through the window. She could see the guests filling in, but neither Time Turner nor Chrysalis were anywhere to be found. She watched the commotion, interested anyway.

Eventually, Nightmare Moon came back.

“You looked cold, so I got you a blanket!”

“Uh... thanks.”

Nightmare Moon draped the blanket over Derpy.

“Also, I brought popcorn!”

She had two large tubs of popcorn—one for herself, and another which she passed to the wall-eyed mare.

Nightmare Moon began munching on the popcorn, and then stopped abruptly.

“Huh... guess we should wait for the show to start,” she said. “I mean really Derpy, don’t you hate it when you’re at the movies and you get popcorn and then you start eating it during the previews and by the time the actual movie starts you’re all out? Gah, that sucks!”

“Uh, yeah...” This was all kinda awkward for Derpy. What the heck was going on?

“Ooh look, there’s Time Turner!”

Derpy looked through the window, her eyes wide. “Timey!”

“Shhh, we gotta stay quiet.”

“Oh, right.”

Time Turner sat on the altar by himself. Derpy’s doppelgänger was nowhere to be found.

“Geez, this is boring!” said Nightmare Moon. “Show up already Chrysalis, we wanna see you diiiie!”

She frowned. “Or at least get beat up really bad or something.”

When the time came, Fake Derpy walked down the asile.

Real Derpy watched, her heart pounding.

Nightmare Moon rubbed her fore-hooves together. “Oh, this is gonna be good!”

And then—

“...yes, Chrysalis, we know it’s you.”

Time Turner bolted. (Phew, thought Derpy.)

Cadence and Shining Armor cast their protective spell.

And then Celestia turned her magic up to eleven and fried Chrysalis. The barrier contained most of it, but the castle still shook a little.

“Yes! Ha ha ha!” Nightmare Moon was now chowing down on the popcorn, laughing maniacally.

And then Celestia started singing.

“This day is going to be perfect,the kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since last we met.Now you’ve nowhere left to run, sorry Chryssie but you’re done,Just who I am did you so soon forget?”

“Oh, she stole your song, Chrysalis! I think you just got burned! Mwahahaha!”

“YOU. RUIN. EVERYTHING!”

“Aww, is widdle Chwyssie mad? Is widdle Chwyssie mad?”

What the heck is up with her? thought Derpy.

“I think soooo! Widdle Chwyssie is mad!”

And then Celestia went into her rant.

“Aww, widdle Cewestia’s mad too!”

Nightmare Moon looked over at Derpy, and made a goofy face.

“But at weast she’s got a weason to be!”

And then Chrysalis charged at Celestia... and they both vanished.

“WHAT!?” Nightmare Moon threw her popcorn up in the air. “What a rip off! Come on Derpy, let’s go find them!”

Before Derpy could object, Nightmare Moon had hoisted the grey pegasus onto her back, and was preparing to take off... and then she saw two figures approaching.

She put Derpy back down.

“Stay behind me.”

· ·

·

As Zeldo approached the two ponies on the roof, her suspicions were confirmed.

It is, she thought.

It’s Nightmare Moon.

“Greetings!” said Nightmare Moon. “What is thy business?”

Zeldo thought about fleeing, but decided against it.

She’s probably faster than us.

The two griffins landed on the roof a good distance away from Nightmare Moon. Zeldo hadn’t heard much about the infamous mare, but knew enough to keep her distance.

“Seriously,” said Nightmare Moon, dropping the Canterlot Voice, “what are you doing here? There’s plenty going on already.”

Zeldo decided to take a chance. She didn’t have much choice.

“I’m Zeldo, president of the Griffin Nation. This is Ambassador Galdo. We’ve come to speak with Princess Celestia on urgent matters.”

“Such as...?”

Can I really tell her? No, I can’t.

“Look, we have an incredibly important message to deliver and we need to speak to Celestia imme—”

“I’m afraid she’s not available.”

Now that made Zeldo worry.

Maybe Celestia has left! Did Nightmare Moon drive her out?

“But,” said Nightmare Moon, “I’ll see if I can get Luna.”

Huh?

If Celestia had left, why was Luna still here? And wasn’t Nightmare Moon just Luna’s insane alter ego?

Zeldo didn’t know exactly what was going on, but she needed to make sure her message got through.

“I’m coming with you.”

·

×

Chapter 17: Trollestia’s Revenge

·Chapter 17Trollestia’s Revenge

:trollestia:

Chrysalis lost her balance, flew forward, and landed on the ground. It was dark and cold.

Where am I?

“Oh, was that little jump too much for you?”

Chrysalis looked around. She noticed they were now in the ruins of an ancient castle.

“What did you just do?” she seethed.

“I got us a private place to fight,” said Celestia. “Can’t have my loyal subjects getting caught in the crossfire, now can I?”

“I’ll get you for this...”

“Oh come on now, I thought you’d relish the opportunity! No changeling army, no royal guards—just a straight fight between the two of us.”

Chrysalis did not want a straight fight. She had wanted to snag the Doctor, go back in time, and keep Cadance and Shining Armor from foiling her original attack on Canterlot. But now it looked like that was no longer an option.

On the other hand, this scheme didn’t seem too advantageous for Celestia either. Chrysalis couldn’t figure out how it would help, anyway.

She had her best guardsponies pointed straight at me, she thought. So what gives?

The Changeling Queen straightened herself up.

No matter, I’ve beaten her before and I can do it again. And then I’ll go find that stupid Doctor back.

“Fine,” she said. “If it’s a fight you want—”

The changeling’s horn glowed.

“—IT’S A FIGHT YOU’LL GET!”

Chrysalis launched a bolt of magic at Celestia, who responded in kind.

The attacks met. At first it seemed Celestia’s would overpower the Changeling Queen’s, and then vice versa. The beam-o-war bent back and forth, before settling in the middle.

They were exactly matched.

Both Celestia and Chrysalis pressed forward, refusing to give up.

Now, you may think this sort of engagement could go on indefinitely. You would be wrong. You see, as even a young filly can tell you, there is a fundamental conservation rule about magic: it can neither be created nor destroyed. And both Celestia and Chrysalis were pouring continuous—and considerably large—streams of magic into the same spot. The resulting buildup became increasingly volatile, until—

*BOOM*

—it exploded, reducing the floor beneath it to rubble and flinging both combatants backwards.

Celestia got back up. “Well,” she said, dusting herself off,  “that didn’t work!”

Chrysalis growled.

“I must say I’m quite surprised, though,” continued the princess. “When did you get the opportunity to drain Time Turner?”

Chrysalis didn’t answer. She was growing tired of her opponent. That stupid princess had poked a hole through every one of her plans so far... plus she was so annoying.

The Changeling Queen got back to her feet again. “I’ll beat you yet, princess.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that.” Celestia fired off a smaller bolt of magic, and then sidestepped quickly.

Chrysalis dodged the attack with relative ease. Unfortunately for her, it was the first of many.

Celestia fired off a volley of magic attacks while jumping from one place to another. For somepony of her size, the princess was quite agile.

Chrysalis tried to counter, but couldn’t get a clear shot. Celestia was jumping around too quickly.

And, of course, ol’ Chryssie had to dodge those attacks as well. They weren’t too powerful individually, but the she knew she’d suffer a death of a thousand cuts if she stayed in one spot for too long.

Eventually the Changeling Queen realized she had no choice. She planted her hooves down, locked in on her target—taking a few hits from Celestia’s barrage in the process—and fired off an attack in the Sun Princess’s direction.

Chrysalis had cast a stunning spell, in the hopes that it would get Celestia to, ya know, quit jumping around so much. Unfortunately, Celestia winked out as soon as she saw it coming.

Chrysalis looked around. Celestia was nowhere to be found.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” the Changeling Queen shouted. “SHOW YOURSELF!”

No response.

“Oh you didn’t just leave me here, did you? You cowar—”

*POOF* “Nope!” *POOF*

Chrysalis blinked. Celestia had appeared right in front of her for an instant, and then vanished again.

*POOF* “I wouldn’t do that, Chryssie!” *POOF*

That time, Celestia had appeared in a different spot.

*POOF* “Do you know why I—” *POOF* “—brought you here?” *POOF*

Celestia was now jumping around, appearing in one spot, then another, and then vanishing completely.

*POOF* “Because—” *POOF* “—I wanted to prove—” *POOF*

Celestia appeared right in front of Chrysalis, inches from her face. “—that I’m not as useless as everypony thinks.”

*POOF* She vanished again.

*POOF* “You got lucky last time, Chrysalis.” *POOF* “I was exhausted that day—” *POOF* “—you took me completely by surprise—” *POOF* “—and you had been sucking Shining Armor dry.” *POOF*

“But now it’s time you learn what I really am.” Celestia had completely vanished again. Her disembodied voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

“And just what are you?” Chrysalis was losing (the rest of) her patience.

Once again, no response.

“Well!?”

Chrysalis thought she heard something from one of the old castle’s pillars. She fired a bolt of magic and it crumbled. There was nothing behind it.

“I am... old.”

“What’s that have to do with anything?” Chrysalis scoffed.

*POOF* “Well you see—”

“AHA!” The instant Celestia appeared, Chrysalis shot a bolt of magic at her. It hit the princess square in the face.

Celestia was knocked off her feet.

“I got you!” said the changeling, approaching her opponent triumphantly.

Celestia got up. She had a small trickle of blood running down her cheek, but it didn’t really bother her.

“Took you long enough,” she said.

“Why you—” Chrysalis fired another magic bolt, which Celestia narrowly evaded.

“This is turning out to be a fun battle,” said Celestia.

Fun? She’s crazy!

“I mean, just look at us,” said the princess. “Me and you, a magic duel. Winner stays, loser gets squashed like a bug!”

“That’s. Not. Funny.”

“Too bad!”

Chrysalis thought Celestia was going to vanish again, but instead the princess charged.

The Changeling Queen prepared to take evasive action. Once Celestia got within close range, however, the princess fired a bolt in one direction and swerved the opposite way.

Realizing there was no way to dodge both attacks, Chrysalis opted to meet Celestia head-on. Celestia responded by ducking at the last possible instant, rolling over, and firing a bolt upwards at her opponent.

Now, this of course left Celestia in a very vulnerable position. She was now lying upside-down on the ground, where anypony could just come up and stomp on her. As a result, this sort of technique relies heavily on hitting one’s opponent successfully, lest the attacker be a sitting duck.

Or it would be that way, except this is Celestia we’re talking about here.

*POOF*

Celestia vanished and reappeared roughly 10 feet away, standing upright.

Chrysalis, on the other hand, had taken the full brunt of Celestia’s attack. She was reeling from it.

“Okay, your turn!” said Celestia.

What? WHAT!?

Chrysalis was getting the unnerving feeling that the princess was toying with her.

“EEEEAAAAAHHHH!” The Changeling Queen screamed and fired a huge bolt of magic at Celestia.

The attack was very obvious, so Celestia had plenty of time to dodge. The bolt missed its target and slammed into the wall behind, smashing it to pieces.

“Ooh that was good,” said Trollestia. “Try not to scream next time, though. Gives the whole thing away.”

Chrysalis screamed again, and fired an equally powerful bolt of magic, followed by several more.

“I!” *ZAP* “WILL!” *ZAP* “KILL!” *ZAP* “YOU!”

*ZAAAP*

“Not like that you won’t!”

“EEEAAAAHHH!” *ZAAAP*

“It doesn’t matter how powerful you are if you can’t hit the far side of a barn!”

“UUUUAAAHHH!!!” *ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP*

“Allow me to demonstrate my point.” The princess vanished again.

“WHERE!” *ZAP* “ARE!” *ZAP* “YOU!?!?”

Chrysalis looked around, panting. Still no princess.

“Well if I can’t find you, I guess I’ll just have to knock this whole place down!”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to do that myself for quite some time now.”

There was that voice of hers again—everywhere and nowhere.

“And what does that mean?”

Celestia ignored the question. “I just haven’t had the heart to do it.”

“Quit speaking in riddles and SHOW YOURSELF!”

“Do you know where you are, dear Changeling Queen?”

“Some old castle. I really don’t care, to be honest.”

“You know, this castle is over one thousand years old.”

“Is it now? I’ve never been one to care for histor—AHA!” *ZAP*

“Nope. Missed by a mile.”

“Well then get out here and fight, you coward!”

Celestia ignored her again. “Really, there is something you should know about—”

“EEEAAAAAHH!” Chrysalis was done chatting. She started sending bolts of magic in every direction.

“Now now, don’t tire yourself out. What fun is that?”

Chrysalis stopped her fruitless barrage. She was breathing heavily from exertion.

“Now then,” said Celestia’s disembodied voice. “What if I told you this castle was once my home?”

“You lived in this dump? Pfft, sucks for you.”

“Well, it was much nicer back then.”

Huh? Wait... no, that can’tbe...

“I see the gears in your little bug brain turning. Good, good.”

“QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH ME!”

*ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP* *KRRRRZZZAAAP*

Chrysalis was now firing her attacks aimlessly.

“I’m not playing games, Chryssie. And you know, as long as you’re fighting me you should care about history. After all, I was there.”

*KRRRRZZZAAAP*

“I told you I was old, but you didn’t seem to grasp the magnitude of it, my dear.”

*BRFRAAAAP*

“When you first hatched, I had already been ruling Equestria for centuries.”

*KRAFRAAAAP*

“I have seen the world transform around me as the eons passed.”

*KRRRBRFAAAAAAAP*

“Sister and I built this castle ourselves, over one thousand years ago.”

The changeling stopped, as she slowly realized Celestia wasn’t just horsing around. Her eyes began to widen as she took it all in. There’s no way. There’s just no way.

“NO!” shouted Chrysalis.

“Yes,” replied Celestia.

“YOU LIE!!” screamed Chrysalis.

“I never lie,” lied Trollestia.

“YES!” *ZAAAP* “YOU!” *ZAAAAAP* “DO!!”

*KRRRRZZZAAAP*

“Wow, you sure are powerful. I’d be in real trouble if you hit me with a blast like that.”

...

“Too bad you never will.”

“Oh I will!” responded Chrysalis, firing off another bolt in a random direction. “You can’t hide from me forever!”

“I beg to differ.”

“You have to show yourself eventually, and when you do I will crush you!”

“I somehow doubt that.”

“Oh, I will flatten you.”

*ZAAAP*

“I will destroy you!”

*KFFRAAAP*

“I will annihilate you!”

*KFFBFRAAAPPP*

“I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings!” she bellowed. “I AM THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN EXISTENCE!!!”

*KRRRZZZFRAAAP*

In her frustration, the Changeling Queen had found strength that she didn’t know she had. An explosion emanated from her horn, destroying the castle in its entirety.

With the floor beneath her crumbling, Chrysalis was now in freefall. She fanned out her wings and landed on the ground below.

She scoured the rubble for signs of Celestia, but couldn’t see her anywhere.

Is she gone? Did I do it?

Chrysalis was beginning to think she may have actually won the battle, when she heard that stupid voice again.

“The most powerful being in existence? Well, that’s quite a big thing to say.”

Great, she’s still alive.

“You’re close,” continued Celestia, “although in truth I believe a certain dragonequus may have to disagree with you... but that’s neither here nor there.”

Chrysalis remained silent. She didn’t quite know what to say at this point.

“You want me to tell you a secret, Chryssie?”

...

“The fight’s over,” said Celestia’s disembodied voice. “I’ve won.”

“...and what’s that supposed to mean?” Chrysalis resumed her search for Celestia.

“I’ll admit something: you are more powerful than me,” said the princess. “After our initial skirmish, I realized that.”

Then... why don’t I feel like it? thought the Changeling Queen.

It was true. Despite her overwhelming prowess, she felt like Celestia had beaten her at every turn. At this point, she realized that she was now struggling to keep her balance.

“And let’s face it,” said Celestia. “I’m pretty much as strong as a creature of my kind can get. I have been for some time.”

No response from Chryssie.

“And I’m not trying to brag, Chrysalis. I’m telling you that I’m at the limit of my power. There is absolutely nothing I can do to bring myself up to your level.”

Chrysalis just stood there and listened. Her eyes kept drifting out of focus.

“But it doesn’t matter. Strength doesn’t win fights. For that, one needs cunning, technique, precision... and in this case, psychological manipulation.”

*POOF* Celestia appeared in front of the Changeling Queen. “Game over.”

Chrysalis prepared to attack... only to find that she was completely drained. The attempt alone made her lightheaded. She lost her balance and fell over, defeated.

Celestia looked down at her fallen opponent. “For centuries,” she said, “I’ve honed every art I took an interest in. I learned how to fight, I learned how to heal... and I learned how to manipulate someone. It really wasn’t too hard to mess with your feeble little mind; you were quite easy to defeat once I found your weakness.”

“What...”

“You’re too quick to use up your power. You wasted every ounce of magic you had on your fruitless attempts to hit me.”

Horn glowing brightly, the princess walked over to the Changeling Queen.

“Time to go home.”

·

×

Chapter 18: Luna Woona

·Chapter 18Luna WoonaWarning: contains Woona.

·

Cadance and Shining Armor—along with the mane six—were still in the wedding room. (Time Turner had left to check up on Derpy.) They had been staring at the barrier sphere, daring Chrysalis to return.

“Okay, I think it’s been long enough.” Shining Armor took his eyes off the altar, and relaxed himself. The others followed.

“Finally!” said Rainbow Dash. “I was getting sick of staring at an empty bubble!”

The empty bubble remained, however. It was to ensure a safe return trip once the battle was over.

Shining Armor turned around to face Twilight.

“So, Twily! How are you, little sis?”

“I’m doing...” she thought about it for a moment. “...well, I’m better than I was yesterday!”

“What’s been happening, anyway?”

“Well, Celestia and Luna decided to put me in charge of Equestria...”

“No way!”

“I know, right? And then I had to deal with this really grumpy ambassador, and then...”

Twilight started telling her brother all about her previous day.

Huh, thought Shining Armor. There’s something strange about my sister, but I’m not sure what.

“...and when that was over, I was told Derpy and Time Turner were getting married! Again, I know. And then...”

What is it, what is it, what is it? What’s weird about Twily?

“...and after that Nightmare Moon showed up and I used the want-it-need-it spell on Celestia’s crown and then...”

Aaaah, why can’t I figure this out?

“...and then finally, Celestia and Luna came back. But—”

And then, and then, and then! And then Twilight was interrupted.

“Hey Twilight!”

“Huh, sounds like Cadance wants to talk to you!”

Why does there always have to be a crisis? thought Twilight. Why can’t things just be normal when we meet up? Regardless, she was happy to get a chance to catch up with her old foal-sitter.

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

(See, I told you they’d do that.)

So Cadance and Twilight got caught up on things, and Twilight explained her day all over again.

Huh... thought Shining Armor, watching them.

Cadance was inspecting Twilight’s wings.

And then suddenly it hit him.

“Twily! You have wings!”

“Yes I do, brother.”

“But... but...”

Twilight flapped them demonstratively. She was still far from flying—her wings felt very clumsy—but she at least knew how to fan them out.

“See? Wings. Kinda surprised you didn’t notice until just now.”

“But... when did you get those?”

“When did I... get my wings?” Twilight cocked her head. “I’ve always had them, silly!”

“You—what? No you haven’t!”

“Uh, yeah I have. Are you feeling alright?”

“Wait, what??” Shining Armor was getting confused.

“Remember, when I was a little filly Celestia saw me and said ‘Ooh, another alicorn’ and took me on as her protegé? I used to buzz around the house until Mom and Dad told me to quit bumping into things and knocking them over?”

“What, I don’t remember—”

“Big brother, I think you hit your head. You should go to the hospital ward.”

“No, I—” Shining Armor stopped. “Hang on, wait.”

He shook his head around and snapped himself out of it.

“Okay, you really got me there,” he said. “Wow, my sister’s turning into Trollestia Junior.”

“What’s all this now?” asked Applejack.

“Oh,” said Shining. “Back when I was in the royal guard, Celestia used to pull all sorts of pranks on us. We heard Luna nicknamed her ‘Trollestia’ so we started calling her that too. Never to her face of course, but trust me, it suits her.”

Shining armor walked over and rubbed his sister’s head.

“And it looks like Twily here’s been picking up on her habits.”

·

·

Nightmare Moon looked at President Zeldo. The alicorn pondered for a moment, and then she nodded.

“Okay, come this way.”

She began to lead Zeldo down from the roof.

Before they left, though, Derpy decided to try some of that popcorn Nightmare Moon had given her.

She stuck her face in. She took a bite.

It was the most delicious popcorn she’d ever tasted.

Oh. My. Celestia. IT’S MUFFIN FLAVORED!

Nightmare Moon flew down to the ground with Zeldo. Derpy and Galdo followed.

“I’m Ambassador Galdo, by the way,” said Galdo. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise,” said Derpy, extending a hoof. “I’m Ambassador Derpy.”

Galdo grabbed her hoof and shook it. He noted how considerate it was for Derpy to offer that gesture, considering a handshake is not something a pony would normally do. (Because, you know, hooves.)

“Ah, just kidding,” said Derpy, laughing. “I’m not really an ambassador.”

“Well I think you’d make a good one.”

While those two were making small talk, Nightmare Moon led the group to a small side door. She opened it, and motioned for the others to enter.

Okay, this is it, thought Zeldo. Last chance to run.

Knowing the fate of her country was on the line, she decided to followed Nightmare Moon inside. She was hoping Galdo would flee for his own safety; to her dismay he entered the castle as well, along with the grey pegasus.

Nightmare Moon led them to a small conference room. Zeldo was both relieved and confused to see that Luna was waiting inside.

Wait, they’re two seperate— Zeldo wasn’t quite sure what to make of this.

I don’t know what’s going on here, she thought,but I trust Princess Luna more than Nightmare Moon, so this is a step in the right direction.

“Come in,” said Luna. “Glad you’re all doing okay. And long time no see, President Zeldo.”

Zeldo pushed her fear and confusion aside. “Thank you,” she said. “Unfortunately, I come with bad news.”

“Oh?” Luna looked concerned. “What is it?”

Zeldo then realized that in order to get her message across, she would also have to push some awkwardness aside.

How do I tell them my own troops are about to attack Equestria?

“You just did,” said Luna.

“Huh?”

Luna shook her head. “This one’s a doozy alright, but I think I have a plan. Meldo’s attacking at dawn, correct?”

Suddenly Zeldo forgot her fear of Nightmare Moon. Her eyes got wide. “Okay, how do you know that?”

Luna leaned in close. “You know I can enter people’s minds when they’re asleep, right?”

Zeldo nodded. She had heard about that.

“Who says I can’t do the same thing while they’re awake?”

Wow, thought Zeldo. Unbelievable.

Luna’s explanation made sense in some strange way, but this was still a bit much for the president.

“And really,” continued the princess, “you’re thinking very loudly. Anyway! I have a plan. And don’t worry. Nopony—or griffin—will get hurt.”

Luna frowned. “...probably.”

Well okay, thought Zeldo. At this point I’ll settle for a ‘probably’.

“Good!” Luna clapped her hooves together. “Now let’s get this sorted out before Celestia and Chrysalis come back.”

Wait, Celestia? And Chrysalis is—

“Yes, Celestia is still here. Reports of her death have been greatly exaggerated. Right now she’s battling Queen Chrysalis back at our old castle, and they’ll probably be back within an hour or two.”

At this point Zeldo felt like her brain had been fried. But she had not come here for tea and crumpets, so to speak; she had a job to do. And if Luna could help, then the Griffin president was prepared to stick around no matter how crazy things got.

She just wished Galdo had gotten to safety.

And speaking of!

“Hey Galdo, you want some popcorn?” asked Derpy.

“Sure!” Galdo reached a claw in and took out a handful. “Mmmm, muffin flavored.”

“I know! I just wish I knew where Nightmare Moon got it.”

Galdo’s eyes got wide. “This is from Nightm—”

“Oh no no no no,” interrupted Luna. “This—” she gestured toward Nightmare Moon “—isn’t Nightmare Moon.”

What?? Galdo and Zeldo both looked at the princess, shocked. (Derpy, being Derpy, looked at Luna with one eye and Nightmare Moon with the other.)

“I apologize if you’ve been scared of her,” continued Luna. “But be assured, she’s nopony you need be afraid of.”

Then what—

“I would like to formally introduce you to my assistant.”

Luna looked at her three guests. “Zeldo, Galdo and Derpy: this is my clone, Woona.”

Zeldo was flabbergasted, but at least she wasn’t terrified anymore. Once she got over the initial shock, she was actually able to think more clearly, seeing how she was no longer scared for her life. She and Luna got back do discussing logistics.

Derpy smiled, as she now understood why “Nightmare Moon” had been so nice to her.

Galdo, giving up on making sense of the world, shrugged and ate the rest of his clawful of popcorn.

·

·

“So,” said Twilight, “what’s the full plan, anyway? Celestia didn’t get the chance to tell me much.”

“Oh,” said her brother. “Okay, here’s how it goes: Step one was to get Celestia and Chrysalis away from everypony else safely. Cadance and I put up the barrier, and you and your friends would have used the Elements of Harmony if that didn’t work. Luckily it all went as planned.

“Step two was to keep our guard up in case they came back. If Celestia mis-teleported or something, her backup plan was to return to where they left—and as such it was important to keep the barrier up so we’d be able to contain Chrysalis in that scenario. Luckily that all went as planned too.

“And right now we’re at step three: keep this bubble in place and wait for Celestia to return. If she defeats Chrysalis, she plans to return back here, within the barrier. In the meantime, Luna’s out scouting the area for Changeling troops.

“Celestia has also given us instructions to go find her if she doesn’t return in three hours. She said she’ll be at the old castle, so we can use the elements to—”

*POOMF*

Celestia returned within the purple barrier, bringing with her a defeated Chrysalis.

“Wow,” said Shining Armor. “That was fast.”

·

×

Chapter 20: The Royal Slumber Party

·Chapter 20The Royal Slumber Party

·

Luna barged into the wedding room.

“Is everything alright? I heard shouting and—”

She saw Chrysalis, now in statue form. The changeling was lying on the ground, a look of terror literally frozen on her face.

“—oh, wow.”

“I think we’re all okay,” responded Celestia. “No one’s obviously hurt—” she looked down at the Chrysalis statue “—well, no one except her—although I’m a little worried about Dr. Hooves.”

The Doctor looked himself over. “I... think I’m fine,” he said. “I don’t look or feel injured, and I clearly haven’t been turned to stone, so...” he shrugged. “Guess the Elements only work on evil.”

“Good,” said Trollestia. “I always wondered if that was the case.”

Time Turner’s eyes got wide. “You mean you didn’t know if—?”

“Sister!”

“Oh come on Luna, I’m only joking! And did you see the look on the Doctor’s face? It was priceless!”

“Sister, now is not the time for that!”

“Oh, why not? Chrysalis has been defeated, and now she’s a statue! And Equestria didn’t fall apart while we were gone! Everything’s taken care of, so lighten up!”

“Everything, Sister?”

“Yes, everything!” Celestia looked around nervously. “Did I... forget something?”

Luna raised her eyebrows.

“Did... Chrysalis bring her army with her?”

Luna shook her head. “Nope. The skies are clear.”

“Then... what?”

Luna looked at her flatly. “The Griffins are attacking tomorrow morning.”

“...what.” Gosh darn it, I didn’t think they would actually do that!

The others in the room gasped. This was news to them, too.

“Yes, Sister. You see, we can’t celebrate just yet—we have an invasion to repel.”

“But we—wait a minute. How do you know about this anyway?”

Luna shrugged. “Pinkie Sense?”

Pinkie Pie would have had a good laugh at that, had the situation been less grave.

“This might be a bad time,” interrupted the Doctor, “but do any of you know what’s happened to Derpy?”

Luna blinked. “Oh – oh! That. Yes, she’s fine. Come with me, I’ll show you.”

Celestia was confused. “Luna, what is going on here? And how do you know where Derpy is?”

“Pinnn-kie Sennnse!” sang Luna, trotting out the door with Time Turner close behind.

Celestia sighed. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

·

·

“I’m still worried this won’t end well,” said Zeldo. The Griffin president was fidgety. Derpy had offered her some popcorn, but she had turned it down—she didn’t feel like eating at the moment.

“Oh don’t worry,” said Woona. “Everything will turn out all right.”

“You think so?”

“Yup! And it’s gonna be fun!”

The president gave her a confused look. Fun!?

“Yes, fun!” exclaimed Woona. “Fun! Fun! Fun! ...oh dear.”

Woona smacked herself across the face. “My apologies, President Zeldo. I’m not sure where that came from.”

·

·

“I must thank you for all your help,” said Luna. “According to my sister, your actions were integral to catching Chrysalis.”

“Thanks.” The Doctor was flattered. Then he cocked his head. “Wait, when did you hear about—”

“I’d say ‘have a cookie’ but I don’t have any cookies on me. Would muffin-flavored popcorn be okay?”

“Huh?” What is up with her? thought the Doctor. She keeps switching between serious and silly.

“Oh, I confused you. Don’t worry, all will be revealed shortly.”

Luna and Time Turner walked down a staircase.

“Just don’t tell Sister,” said the Moon Princess cryptically.

And then the Doctor had an epiphany. She’s not just being silly—she’s using that attitude to deflect questions! Now what on earth is she hiding from her own sister?

Luna led him down a maze of hallways and staircases. Eventually they arrived at a small, unassuming door.

“Yes, fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!”

“Oh no,” said Luna. “Not again.”

What is that voice? thought the Doctor. It sounds like Luna, but... goofier.

“Oh, and one more thing,” said the princess. “My clone is on the other side of that door. Don’t be afraid of her.”

A clone? How in the heavens... “Why would I be—”

“Because she’s taken the form of Nightmare Moon.”

“—oh.”

“Her name’s Woona. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite.”

The Doctor nodded. “Okay.”

Luna opened the door.

Inside, the Doctor saw Luna’s clone (he was glad Luna warned him!), two griffins he didn’t recognize, and...

“Derpy!”

“Timey!”

He rushed forward and embraced his fiancée. “I was so worried about you!”

“Ohh you didn’t need to be—Woona’s been nice to me! I was worried about you—did Chrysalis get taken care of?”

“Oh, did she ever!” The Doctor went on to explain everything about what happened to the Changeling Queen. Derpy was already familiar with the first part of the story, but she was very surprised to hear what happened after Chrysalis came back.

“...and then Twilight and her friends used the Elements of Harmony—on both of us!”

Derpy gasped.

“It was...” the Doctor thought for a moment “...the absolute weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced. This giant rainbow attack came right at me—and it went right through me—and it turned Chrysalis to stone. I wasn’t hurt at all!”

“Wow!” said Derpy. “That’s incredible!”

“And now, I’m starving. And that popcorn looks very tasty.”

“Be my guest.” Derpy handed the tub to her fiancé. “You’ve certainly earned it.”

“Well, I’ll leave you here Doctor,” said Luna, somewhat abruptly. “I’ve gotta run.”

Luna closed the door behind her and cantered down the hallway.

“Now then, dear” said Time Turner, in between bites of popcorn, “can you introduce me to these three?”

·

·

Celestia had no clue what her sister was up to—and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

Besides, she had too many pressing matters to deal with.

The princess put her hoof to her forehead and thought.

“Okay...” she said, mostly to herself, “the Griffins are attacking tomorrow morning, we’ve got you eight over here at the castle, along with Derpy and the Doctor... Sister and I need to repel the invasion, but it would be rather... unwise to leave the castle unguarded. And so...”

Celestia looked at her student. “Twilight, I’d like for you and your friends to guard the castle tonight. Is that okay with everypony?”

The mane six looked at each other. “I think so,” said Applejack. “We’ve got time to stay here.” The others nodded in agreement.

“Oh, good.” Celestia was relieved. “Cadance and Shining Armor, can you stay the night here as well?”

“Well, uh...” Shining Armor sounded a little reluctant.

“We should probably get going,” said Cadance. “We had to leave the Crystal Kingdom on short notice, and the filly we put in charge is likely waiting for us to get back.”

Celestia cocked her head. “Wait, who did you put in charge?”

“Some student of hers,” said Shining. “We invited her to the Crystal Palace, told her she had to run the country while we were gone, and then we ran off while singing ‘No responsibility’ over and over.”

“Really?”

“No, not really!” said Cadance. “Who would do something as crazy and irresponsible as that? No, we left our lieutenant governor in charge. She’ll be able to hold down the fort as long as she needs to.”

Celestia looked at Twilight, wondering how much she told them. Twilight shrugged sheepishly.

The princess turned back to Cadance and Shining Armor. “I’m sorry to be curt,” she said, “but now is not the time for joking around. We have another crisis on our hands!”

Dang, thought Shining. She can dish it out but she sure can’t take it. Then again, I guess she’s right about this one.

“Okay,” said Shining, seriously this time. “Yes, we can stay here. And we’ll help guard the castle while you’re gone.”

“Thank you,” sighed Celestia, glad that ordeal was over with. “Now, to go hunt down—”

“Sister!” The younger princess trotted through the door.

“—Luna.”

Celestia squared her shoulders and looked straight at her sister.

“Okay,” she asked, “what’s going on?”

“Why, whatever do you mean?”

“I’m serious,” said Celestia, somewhat confrontationally. “What are you up to?”

“Oh, getting Derpy and the Doctor some food, setting up plans to repel the invasion, saving Equestria’s rump in general—you know, the usual stuff.”

“May I have a more detailed explanation, please?”

Luna looked around. “I’ll... be right back.” And then she winked out.

·

·

“Why I’m delighted to meet you, President Zeldo! What an honor it is to—”

*POOF*

“Sorry to interrupt!”

*wrap arms around griffins*

“Wait, what?”

“Meeting with Celestia! Follow my lead!”

*POOF*

...

“Well that was odd!”

·

·

Luna reappeared where she had left, bringing the two griffins with her.

Celestia looked at the newcomers, wide-eyed.

“President Zeldo?!”

“Uh... evening, your majesty.”

“Sister, I ran into these two when I was out looking for changeling troops,” said Luna. “They were the ones who warned me of the upcoming invasion.”

(So it wasn’t Luna’s Pinkie Sense! Oh well.)

Celestia looked at the Griffin president. “So, then...”

“Yes, princess,” said Zeldo, embarrassed. “I’m afraid I’ve lost control of my own troops.”

“Not to worry, though,” said Luna. “We’ve devised a plan!”

“You have?” Celestia didn’t like being out of the loop. “Why haven’t I heard about this?”

“Well, you were a little busy fighting Chrysalis.”

“Oh.” Celestia realized her sister wasn’t deliberately deceiving her this time. “Right.”

And so Luna and Zeldo told Celestia what their plan was, while the other ponies decided that now would be a good time to go find the guest rooms. The plan was actually quite simple: go out to the coast, wait until the Griffins show up, and have Zeldo try and talk some sense into them. If that doesn’t work, they go to Plan B—fly around and scare the living daylights out of the Griffins until they either surrender or flee.

(Oh, and if that doesn’t work, then it’s time for Plan W. But Celestia can’t know about that just yet, now can she?)

The royal sisters also decided that Derpy and the Doctor should be invited to stay the night in the castle as well, considering what they’d been through.

After all, it’s a big castle! There should be enough guest rooms for all of the mane six, plus Cadance, Shining Armor, Zeldo, Galdo, Derpy, and the Doctor.

(Oh, and Woona too. But shhhhhh.)

“Can you take care of all this?” asked Celestia. “It’s getting a bit late for me.”

Luna nodded. “Of course, Sister. Get some rest.”

With that the Moon Princess vanished, taking Zeldo and Galdo with her. She’d find them rooms, but first she needed to make sure every part of her plan was in place.

Celestia was now alone in the wedding room. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to get some shut-eye,” she said to herself.

She then looked down at a certain changeling statue.

“Oh, right. You.”

·

·

“Okay, there should be some guest rooms over this way.”

Twilight was leading her friends through the castle, since she knew it much better than they did.

“Finally, we can get some rest!” said Rarity. “Today has been absolutely dreadful!”

“Oh calm down Rarity,” retorted Applejack. “We haven’t been through that much today, not compared to Twilight anyway... and besides, it’s the invasion I’m worried about.”

The six ponies doubted that they themselves would get caught up in the attack—Canterlot was far from the coast, after all—but the mere idea of Equestria being invaded stressed them out quite a bit.

“Well I for one am glad the day’s finally over,” said Twilight. “Man, I wonder what Spike will say when he hears about everything.”

Twilight stopped in her tracks.

“What a minute, where is Spike? I haven’t seen him since I got up this morning!”

At that very moment, they heard galloping. A white unicorn stallion came into view. He was ragged, his mane was absolutely destroyed, and he had a look of sheer panic on his face.

Blueblood?!

Yes, Blueblood indeed. He charged in their direction, and swerved past them.

“Aaaah!” the duke shouted. “I swear, he’s gonna kill me! Helllllp!”

A small green-and-purple dragon chased after him. “Come back, I almost had it!”

Twilight glared at her assistant as he ran past.

“Oh-hi-everypony-nice-day-we’re-having-isn’t-it-bye-now!”

And with that, Spike ran off after his victim.

Twilight shook her head. “I don’t even wanna know.”

They had arrived at their guest rooms, and she walked into her own.

“Goodnight everypony!” She closed the door.

·

·

Illumination spell? Check!

Castle guards? Check!

Wheelbarrow? Check!

Celestia was out in the garden with a couple guards. The were pulling Chrysalis along in a rusty old wheelbarrow.

“Okay, keep going this way... right there! Stop, perfect! Now, set her down gently... or not-gently, if you prefer... there!”

Celestia admired the guards’ handiwork. They’d put the Chrysalis statue exactly where she wanted it. It was right next to the Discord statue.

The princess laughed. “Hah, look at those two! It’s almost like—”

She stopped mid sentence. Her eyes got wide. “—NO!”

*ZAP*

Celestia reflexively fired a bolt of magic at the Crysalis statue, knocking it over. The guards jumped back.

“Your majesty!”

“Oh my, I’m sorry about that,” said Celestia. She stood Chrysalis back up with her magic.

“Your majesty, are you alright?”

“I’m... fine,” she managed. “Just... let’s bring Discord inside the castle, okay?”

The guards nodded, and loaded it into the wheelbarrow.

“I... I’ve got an idea,” said the princess. “It’s probably really, really stupid, but it at least needs to be given a try.”

The guards looked at each other. Neither dared ask.

“Also, remind me tomorrow to give you both a bonus for tonight’s work.”

With that, she flew off.

The two guards brought Discord back inside the castle, while Celestia made her way to one of the building’s upper landings. Once inside, she walked straight to her bedchamber.

Should I really... yes, I guess so. Celestia tossed and turned in her bed, and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

·

·

Luna, on the other hoof, had some anxieties of her own.

Will this really work? Did I tell Sister too much?

She had just found guest rooms for Derpy, the Doctor, and the griffins, and so far nearly every part of her grand scheme had fallen into place. But still, she worried.

Can this really be done without collateral damage?

Woona, the only other one still up, looked at her sympathetically.

Don’t worry, Luna. It’ll work.

Luna nodded.

Thanks.

With that, she proceeded to walk to her own bedchamber. This had been one big day for both of them, but at least Woona had gotten a decent day’s sleep. Luna had been rudely awakened at around 2PM, which is several hours earlier than normal.

It had been ages since she’d slept during the night, but she knew she should get at least a little rest before tomorrow.

Sleep well, original me, thought Woona. I’ll guard the night for you.

Luna nodded lazily, and slowly drifted off to sleep...

·

·

Everypony goes to bed! Well that was kinda slow-paced. And you know, it also... sorta...

*yawn*

Woona, you can stay up as late as you want, but Imma go sleep now.

Nighty-night.

·

×

Chapter 1: Princess for a Day (or Twenty)

·Chapter 1Princess for a Day (or Twenty)

·

“Applejack!”

“Ah, consarn it. What is it now?”

Applejack walked to the front door of her house. Outside was a very distressed Rarity.

“Calm down, Rarity!” Applejack opened the door. “What’s got you in such a hissyfit?”

“Oh Applejack! Of all the things that could happen, this is the Worst! Possible! Thing!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Rarity, you always say that. What is it this time?”

“Can you not see? How can you not see what’s going on here?”

“Uh... everythin’ looks fine to me.”

“The sun!”

“What about it?”

“It’s been in the sky!”

“Yes Rarity, the sun does that.”

Rarity looked flustered. “IT’S NOT MOVING!” she finally shouted, pointing at it with her hoof.

“Say what now?”

“The sun isn’t moving! It’s been in the same place for hours!”

Now Applejack looked worried. Did Rarity actually have a legitimate concern?

Nah, Thought Applejack. Best to check these things out, though.

And so she walked outside and looked at the sun. It hung low in the sky, but not as low as it should’ve been.

“Well, I s’pose it shoulda set by now, now that you mention it.”

“YES!” Finally, Rarity was getting her point across.

“But, whadda ya suppose we do about it?”

“I don’t know, but if we put our heads together we should be able to think of something! Besides, we’re the holders of the Elements of Harmony, so if something BAAAAD—” Rarity pulled at her mane “—happens it’s our job to fix it!”

“That it is, Rarity. Let’s get the others and meet at Twilight’s.”

And so, the two hunted down Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, and went to see Twilight at the library.

I mean, Twilight knows all about this stuff, right? If anypony can fix this it’s her!

Right?

Too bad she’s not home.

“What’s this say?” Rainbow Dash swooped down to the library’s front door and tore off a note.

Went to Canterlot. Urgent matter with Princess Celestia.

Will return shortly (I hope...)

—Twilight Sparkle

“Well that shoots a hole through our plan!” said Applejack.

“But maybe this is why she went to Canterlot in the first place,” replied Rainbow Dash, looking at the note and then the sun.

“Yeah!” said Pinkie Pie. “She might already be solving this thing!”

“But I get the feeling she’ll need our help,” said Dash. “We should get there ASAP.”

“I’ll see when the next train leaves for Can—”

“That’ll take too long, Applejack. We need to get there now.”

“Alrighty then, let’s see if we can find Twilight’s balloon anywhere.”

“That’ll take too long, too. And she probably took it herself when she left.”

“Well then, how do you reckon we get to Canterlot?”

“There’s only one way fast enough.”

Oh consarn it, she isn’t—

“Applejack, get the sturdiest pull-cart you can find—and make sure it’s large enough to carry four ponies.”

Yes, she is. Mighty full of herself, I swear.

...and how will this work, anyway? Carts can’t fly!

Applejack sighed.

“Alright, I can do that.”

Despite her displeasure with Rainbow Dash’s ego, she knew Dash was right—even if she wasn’t quite sure how it would work. She left for Sweet Apple Acres, and promptly came back with a cart.

“Here ya are. Sturdiest I could find.” She gestured at the cart. “Aaand I brought some rope. ’Cause I know how you fly.”

Dash gave it a once-over. “Hmm... it’ll have to do.”

“You’re welcome, Rainbow Dash.”

“And you’re welcome for transportation! Now hitch me up and hop in.”

Oh noooo they’re arguing again, thought Fluttershy. And I hope Rainbow Dash isn’t planning on flying too fast, I don’t know if I can keep up—

Fluttershy’s thoughts were interrupted when she felt two hooves grab onto her.

“In you go!” said Applejack, tossing Fluttershy in the cart with Pinkie and Rarity. She secured them with the rope before getting in herself.

Fluttershy looked confused.

“Sorry Flutters,” said Dash from up front, “but I hope you don’t mind taking a backseat on this one.”

“Oh—oh not at all! Go right ahead.” Fluttershy was being her usual submissive self, but was also relieved she wouldn’t have to do any flying.

“Now Rainbow, I agree that this is likely the fastest way to get there, but I’m still not quite sure how we’re gonna—”

“Oh relax, Applejack. Watch this.”

Rainbow dash hovered up into the air, and the cart followed.

“Oh.” Problem solved. “I never knew pegasi worked like that.”

“And now you do!” said Dash proudly.

“Oh noooo we’re too high. I’m scared! I—” Fluttershy stopped complaining when she saw the look Applejack was giving her.

Rainbow Dash adjusted the harness slightly. “You all holding on tightly?”

“Yup!” called back Applejack.

“All trussed up like a turkey?”

“That we are!”

“Okay, here we go!”

Rainbow Dash made sure not to do a jack-rabbit start, but she still accelerated to a good clip quite quickly. Less than an hour later, they landed in Canterlot.

They decided the first place to look was the castle. After convincing the guards they were indeed friends of Twilight’s (I mean really, the guards should recognize them by now), they made their way to the throne room.

At first, they did not believe what they saw. Celestia was nowhere to be found. And in her place...

“Twiligh’? Is that you?”

Twilight was sitting on Celestia’s throne, wearing Celestia’s crown. And some fancy shoe thingies.

“Yes it’s me, Applejack. Boy am I glad to see you all!”

“We’re glad to see ya too, sugarcube. But can you explain what’s... wait.”

Applejack took a closer look at Twilight.

“Are those... wings?”

“Uh... maybe?”

“So ya finally did it, huh? Made yourself an alicorn?”

“Well, no, Celestia did this,” replied Twilight, fanning one of her wings clumsily. “And I think it’s temporary.”

“Huh?”

“And then she and Luna ran off.”

“Wait what now?”

“Perhaps I should explain...”

·

· ·

Twilight had been sitting cozily in her library, reading a book. You know, like a good purple unicorn. And then a dragon randomly ran up and belched in her face.

“Eww, Spike! Why did you—oh a letter!”

My Faithful Student,

I need your assistance in Canterlot as soon as possible.

This is important for your studies.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Oh and bring Spike too.

“Well then let’s go!”

Before Spike could protest, she threw him into the balloon basket before hopping in herself. Once inflated, it lifted off and away they went.

· ·

· ·

“Princess Celestia!”

“I’m glad you made it, Twilight.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Oh, it’s simple, really. Luna and I are leaving on official business and we’d like you to fill in for us until we get back.”

“Wait, really? You can’t be serious.”

“Indeed I am, Twilight Sparkle. You’ll be the Acting Princess until our return.”

“But Celestia, I have no idea how to run a country!”

Celestia’s horn glowed with an incredible brightness, and she lowered her head. Twilight found herself engulfed in a swath of energy. When it left, Twilight had wings.

“And now you do!” said Celestia triumphantly.

“What? No I don’t—”

“Oh I’m sure you can figure it out! It’s not that hard, Equestria pretty much runs itself these days.”

“But—”

“Luna and I have to leave now!”

Celestia turned her attention to the door behind her.

“Are you ready, Sister?”

“Hmm... I think so.”

The door swung open, and Luna walked through. She was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and was carrying saddlebags with beach-themed designs for herself and her sister.

“Luna...” Celestia eyed her.

“Oh! Hi Twilight!” said Luna, startled at Twilight’s presence. “We’re leaving now. Important stuff, you know! Have fun bossing people around while we’re gone!”

“Bye Twilight!” said Celestia. “See you in a week... or whenever.”

Before Twilight could question anything else, the royal sisters flew off into the mid-afternoon sky. Despite their hasty exit, Twilight could have sworn she heard them singing as they left.

No re-sponsi-bility! No re-sponsi-bility! No re-sponsi-bility!

…

…

…

*BOOM*

And that sonic rainboom was the last she heard from them.

“Wow,” said Spike. “I wonder what sort of business stuff they’re doing.”

Twilight facehoofed.

· ·

×

Chapter 19: Foolish Desperation

·Chapter 19Foolish Desperation

·

Celestia looked up at the group before her.

“It is done,” she said solemnly.

The Changeling Queen tried to get up, but fell back over.

“Chrysalis, I want you to see something.”

“Uuuuhhhh...”

“Cadance and Shining Armor, you may lower the barrier. She’s no longer a threat.”

The barrier came down, and Chrysalis now had a clear view of the eight ponies in front of her.

“I hope you remember Cadance and Shining Armor,” said Celestia. “They’ve demonstrated in the past that they can literally send you flying. In addition, standing before you are the wielders of the Elements of Harmony. They, too, are capable of easily defeating you.”

“Also,” she continued, “my sister Luna is right outside the castle, searching the grounds for your troops. She is as powerful as I am.”

The Changeling Queen groaned. Did Celestia really need to tell her all this?

“My point, Chrysalis,” said the princess, “is that you stand no chance of ever invading Canterlot. We’ve gotten you beat four times over. I hope you understand this, so that you will never try to attack us again.”

Huh? Chrysalis figured Celestia would just kill her. The changeling had made peace with the idea and everything.

“You are hereby banished from Equestria,” declared the princess. “You have 48 hours to leave the country.”

She leaned in close. “And if I ever catch you around here again, I will not be so kind.”

Chrysalis nodded, using what little strength she had.

“Good.” Celestia cast a healing spell on her defeated enemy, giving the changeling just enough strength to stand.

“Now the exit is on the—”

At that moment, the Doctor burst in. “Princess Celestia! Derpy’s gone missing!”

“AHA!” Seizing the opportunity, Chrysalis charged across the room and snagged Time Turner. “You’re mine!”

“—oh horsefeathers.”

That was all the princess could say.

·

·

*(poomf)*

Luna had been discussing things with President Zeldo, but upon hearing a faint poomf she stopped mid-sentence.

“I believe Celestia has just returned,” she said.

Zeldo and Galdo looked at each other.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” continued Luna. “Stay here in the meantime. If anything comes up, Woona can protect you.”

Luna opened the door and began to walk down the hallway.

“Oh, and one more thing,” the princess added. “Don’t tell anyone the truth about Woona. You can say you’ve run into ‘Nightmare Moon’, but stop at that.”

“Not even Princess Celestia?” asked Zeldo.

“Especially not Celestia.”

But... why?

“Because Woona being a secret from her is crucial to the plan,” answered Luna. “After all, there’s only one thing scarier than an angry Celestia.”

An angry Nightmare Moon?

“Nope.”

“Then... what?”

Luna smiled. “You’ll see.” She closed the door behind her and walked down the hall.

Galdo reached over and grabbed another clawful of popcorn.

·

·

“Let go of me!”

“Oh ho ho I don’t think so!”

Chrysalis had latched onto Time Turner, who was struggling to get free.

“You’re mine now!” said Chrysalis. “And you’re going to take me back to Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding!”

The eight-pony army glared at her, ready to fight.

(Yeah, Chrysalis probably shouldn’t have mentioned that wedding. Now everypony’s pissed!)

Celestia walked past them, a fire in her eyes.

“I gave you a chance, Chrysalis.” Her horn began to glow. “I’m afraid I cannot give you another.”

“Don’t be so hasty!” responded the Changeling Queen. “You wouldn’t want to hurt the poor Doctor, now would you?”

Time Turner decided he’d had enough. “Let me go this instant,” he demanded.

“Or you’ll what?” the changeling snorted.

“Or I’ll kill us both.”

Chrysalis blinked. Then she regained her composure. “What kind of bluff is that?”

“Oh I’m not bluffing Chryssie,” responded the Doctor. “You wanna take a trip through time? How about I show you the end of the world.”

“Hah!” said the changeling, her voice devoid of confidence. “L-like you can really do that.”

“Believe me, I can.”

Chrysalis was seriously starting to worry now.

“Well either way, I doubt you’d just give up your own life so quickly.” She was trying to reassure herself more than anything else.

“After what you’ve done, I just might.” The Doctor didn’t sound like he was bluffing. “Now let me go or you’ll find out the answer the hard way.”

“That’s enough!” cut in Celestia. She didn’t know if Time Turner was serious or not, but didn’t want to risk it.

Chrysalis smiled at this turn of events. “So I suppose we can make a deal then, Celesita?”

“Not in this world or the next,” responded the princess. “The time has come for you to face what you deserve.”

“B-but the Doctor!” said Chrysalis desperately. “If you attack me, you’ll hurt him too!”

Chrysalis would have threatened to injure the Doctor herself, but she didn’t have the strength to do so. Celestia’s healing spell had been precisely measured to just give Chrysalis enough strength to walk—she’d managed to dart across the room and snag Time Turner only from a spurt of adrenaline (or whatever the Changeling equivalent is). All she could do now was maintain her death grip on him.

“I’m afraid that’s a non-issue in this case,” replied Celestia, somewhat cryptically.

The princess turned around to face Twilight and her friends. “Prepare to use the Elements of Harmony!”

The six ponies were happy to oblige. Their necklaces began to glow, and Twilight felt the power of the Elements coarsing through her.

She closed her eyes, the magical energy within her increasing boundlessly.

Her wings, those pesky, useless wings, sprang to life. They fanned out and flapped involuntarily, lifting Twilight into the air.

It’s time, Chrysalis, to pay for all you’ve done.

·

· ·

“Cadance! Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

“What are you doing?”

“Cadance, it’s me, Twilight!”

“Uh-huh.”

...

“Are you disagreeing with me?”

“I guess I am—d’ah”

“Oh dear, are you getting another one of your headaches?”

...

“I’m not gonna stand next to her, and neither should you!”

“I don’t know why she’s acting like this.”

“Maybe we should just ignore her.”

“You have to listen to me!”

...

“Plans? What plans?”

“The plans I have for your brother, of course.”

*twitch*

...

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves...”

“...and do a little shake.”

“You remember me!”

“Of course I do.”

...

“This day was going to be perfect

The type of day of which I’ve dreamed since I was small.

But instead of having cake, with all my friends to celebrate

My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all.”

...

“I fear that I may lose him to one who wants to use him,

not care for, love and cherish him each day.

For I oh-so love the groom

All my thoughts he does consume

Oh Shining Armor, I'll be there very soon.”

...

“He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now. And I’m sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as captain of the royal guard!”

*twitch*

...

*ZAP*

*FALL*

*CLINK*

*twitch*

“Princess Celestia!”

“The Elements of Harmony. You must get to them, and use their power to defeat the queen!”

How oddly appropriate.

· ·

·

Although her eyes were closed, Twilight was somewhat aware of her surroundings—she knew Chrysalis was right in front of her, and her friends were on either side. And through the fog of her flashback-induced altered state of consciousness, she heard Celestia’s voice, clear as a bell.

“Twilight Sparkle, kill.”

Twilight’s eyes slammed open. Chrysalis was exactly where the unicorn’s mind had placed her, clinging desperately to Time Turner and trying to use him as an equine shield.

Said shield would be of no use.

Twilight released her attack—a rainbow-colored arc that flew straight at her target.

At the last moment, Chrysalis released Time Turner and made a last-ditch attempt to flee.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” shouted the Doctor. He chased after Chrysalis and rammed her, knocking her off her feet.

The attack swerved, homing in on its target’s new location. It passed through Time Turner and hit Chrysalis dead-on.

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake!”

This is for you, Cadance.

“Twily!”

This is for you, brother.

“I can protect my subjects... from you.”

This is for you, Celestia.

“Pbthbbtthth!”

This is for you, Derpy.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!”

And this is for you, Doctor. Thank you for being so brave.

And then it was over. The attack ceased. Twilight’s wings stopped their autonomous flapping, and she half-glided, half-fell clumsily to the ground. When the smoke cleared, she saw that Time Turner was dazed but unharmed. Chrysalis, on the other hand, was not so lucky.

She had been turned to stone.

·

×