TF2: Meet the Series

by 2K Chrome

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Spike, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5925

So how would the MLP characters act in the TF2 world?

A Meet the Whoever series from Team Fortress 2. The chapters are primarily based off more of TF2 than ponies.

I don't expect too many good ratings from this, but I want to to appeal to the TF2/brony population. The chapters have no order, so you can read in any fashion you choose.

In each chapter, there is a video a scene it's based off of. Watch it before, watch it after, hay, you can even watch it while reading. But you should watch it to get where I get most of my work from.

Published 2012-01-17 07:28:59 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-17 07:28:59 UTC

Meet the Rainbow Dash

The garage door slowly opened. In front of her, Rainbow Dash could see the BLU team getting ready for her team’s assault. She pushed down on the hat covering her mane. She readied the Scattergun in her hand. This was going to be fun.

Rainbow Dash sprinted out of the garage. Immediately, a level one sentry gun began to fire at her. Rainbow expertly maneuvered her way through the sentry’s line of fire. Her fellow teammates were falling behind. She was way faster than any of them.

She ran through a corridor to get out of the sentry’s line of fire. She was safe for the moment, but she couldn’t stop now. She readied her shotgun and sprinted off again.

Rainbow fired a few shots towards the sentry. Nothing too big, just warning shots. Rainbow jumped up and then jumped again in mid-air. She loved doing that. She somehow managed to learn to jump a second time in mid-air.

Rainbow peered around a corner to see a BLU sniper. The sniper was busy concentrating to line up his weapon, probably for a headshot.

Rainbow withdrew her shotgun and pulled out a metal bat. She sprinted towards the sniper and swung. He was knocked unconscious after two blows.

“Ahhh… I, I don’t even know where to start with you,” Rainbow said to the sniper’s laying body. “I mean do you even know who you’re talking to?”

Rainbow heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see a Pyro come around the corner. The Pyro’s mask turned to look at her and readied her flamethrower.

Rainbow’s eyes opened wide. She quickly put away her bat and pulled out her shotgun. The Pyro started her flamethrower and began to charge at Rainbow. Rainbow steadied her shotgun and fired three quick shots. The three close-range bursts sent the Pyro flying back. The Pyro’s body lay dead on the floor a few yards away.

Rainbow winced in pain. A bit of the flames reached her body and she was on fire. She reached into her clothes. After a few seconds, she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a glass of milk.

“Mad milk!” Rainbow exclaimed. She opened the glass and poured the liquid on herself. The flames were quickly doused. Her body was dripping with the white milk, but she knew the effect would wear off eventually. She received a few burns here and there, nothing major compared to what would have happened had she not thought of bringing some milk.

She walked over to the Pyro’s body. “Do you have any idea? Any idea who I am?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Basically, kind of a big deal.”

Rainbow took off again. She entered a large room and looked around. A muffin came soaring past her head. Whoa! That was a bit too close Rainbow thought.

Across the room, Rainbow could see an enemy soldier standing straight with her hand making an “L” across her hard hat.

Calling me a loser?! Rainbow thought. Rainbow reloaded her Scattergun.

“Yeah, come get some, ya bucking wuss!” Rainbow yelled as she darted towards the Soldier.

The Soldier readied herself and fired muffins towards her upcoming opponent. Rainbow easily dodged the slow-moving muffins and soon found herself right in front of the Soldier.

“I’m runnin’ circles around ya!” Rainbow said. The Soldier tried to switch to her shotgun, but it was too late. Rainbow fired two shots at the Soldier and she was sent flying back.

Rainbow flexed her front leg and admired it. “Oh colt, that’s beautiful.”

Rainbow walked over to the Soldier. “Listening? Okay,” Rainbow said with a small chuckle.

“Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and sister…” Rainbow gave the Soldier a scowl, “I hurt ponies.”

“Imma Force-a-Nature! If you were from where I was from, you’d be bucking dead!” Rainbow yelled at the Soldier.

Rainbow sat down and sighed. She remembered her days back in Buckston, Flanksachusetts. With seven older brothers against her, fights tended to start before Rainbow, the runt of the litter, could maneuver into punching distance, so she trained herself to run. She ran everywhere, all the time, until she could beat her pack of mad horse siblings to the fray.

Rainbow got up again. Time to keep moving on. Rainbow Dash raced down a hallway. She looked into the rooms as she passed by.

Whoooo! Hold on a sec… Rainbow said. She backtracked to look into one of the rooms. She saw a Heavy beginning to eat a daisy sandwich. The Heavy’s weapon lay on the other side of the room. Rainbow Dash smiled to herself.

The Heavy was just about to take her first delicious bite of the sandwich when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see Rainbow Dash crouching on top of a crate.

“Yo, what’s up?” Rainbow Dash asked. The Heavy got up and began to swing her hooves, trying to land a punch on Rainbow. Rainbow just moved out of the way of the punches effortlessly. The Heavy began to yell as she punched, and Rainbow decided to yell back to taunt her foe.

“I’m not even winded yet!” Rainbow exclaimed. But she was beginning to get bored, it was time to finish this.

Rainbow took out her bat and double-jumped in the air. The Heavy looked around to see where Rainbow went. The Heavy looked up just in time to see a bat swing into her face.

“Whoooo!” Rainbow yelled.

Rainbow Dash picked up the Heavy’s sandwich. She trotted over and sat on the Heavy’s body. She started to eat the massive sandwich. A job well done today by Rainbow Dash.

Above scene based off of video.

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Rainbow entered the starting room again. She needed to rest up before going back out. She looked into the weapons storage. A change in weaponry never hurt anyone.

She placed her Scattergun away and took out a box. A label on the box said: “Any outdoorsman will tell you the most frustrating part of hunting is when a deer simply FALLS DOWN when shot, and doesn't FLY BACKWARDS into the forest.”

Rainbow opened the box and took out her new toy, the Force-A-Nature. It fired much faster than the Scattergun, but it also had its drawbacks. Rainbow shrugged, disregarding any flaws and took out a few weapons for her secondary and melee.

Rainbow rounded a corner, searching for new enemies. She couldn’t wait to use her new weapons. As soon as she turned, a sentry began to fire at her. She doubled back to the other side of the corner. She took a few apples from the sentry, but nothing too bad.

“I see that we are having the same problems,” a voice said from behind.

“Whoa!” Rainbow exclaimed readying her weapon. She turned around to see Rarity in her usual ski mask. Rainbow sighed in relief. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I apologize. But as for the sentry, I can probably sap it. The engineer is right there so I will need a distraction.”

A mischievous smile appeared on Rainbow’s face. “Don’t worry. I got your back.” Rainbow said.

Rarity nodded and cloaked herself to an enemy Engineer. Rainbow took out her bat.

But this wasn’t the same metal bat as before. This time it was wooden and it came with its own baseball. Rainbow concentrated. This had to be perfect.

Rainbow turned the corner and quickly threw her baseball in the air. She swung at it while taking a few hits from the sentry.

The baseball hit its mark. The Engineer immediately froze in place as the baseball hit him. Rainbow spun back to the other side of the corner. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hitcha. No, wait, yeah I did!” Rainbow said in delight.

Rarity quickly made her move. She placed a sapper on the sentry and moved behind the Engineer. She took out her knife and plunged it into the Engineer’s back. The Engineer fell down in a slump.

“Oh dear, I’ve made quite a mess,” Rarity said. Rarity nodded to Rainbow and took off.

Rainbow started to move too, but quickly winced in pain. The apples did quite some damage to her. She looked ahead to see Fluttershy passing by.

“Hey, doc!” Rainbow said.

Fluttershy looked over to Rainbow and gave a nod. She walked towards Rainbow.

“Hit me, doc!” Rainbow said. She waited for Fluttershy to begin using her Medigun. Fluttershy walked behind Rainbow Dash.

Wait a sec… Why does she have to behind me? Rainbow asked to herself. She gasped in realization.

Rainbow turned around with her Force-A-Nature ready in hoof. She saw Fluttershy with a knife and an evil grin on her face. The grin quickly changed to a look of terror as Rainbow turned around. Rainbow fired two shots at Fluttershy. Two bursts of rainbows shot out of the weapon and sent Fluttershy flying back. Fluttershy changed to a BLU spy before Rainbow’s eyes.

“Dat’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Rainbow yelled as she got to use her new weapon for the first time.

Rainbow Dash walked forward with her head held up high. That should be just about everypony she thought to herself. She paused.

At the end of the hall, there looked to be a few mines lying around the doorway. Turned out there was one more enemy to face. She pulled out a can of soda.

The label on the can said: “Bonk! is fulla radiation, which as we all know is pretty great for givin' ponies superpowers.” Rainbow popped the cap and quaffed the whole can. She wiped her mouth with her hoof and took out her Sandman.

She sped up to the blue mines. In front of her, she saw a Demoman spin around, thump his chest twice, and then throw a V-sign with his hand.

The mines around Rainbow Dash immediately exploded. The Demoman stood there laughing.

“Looks like they’re going to have to glue you back together! In hell!” the Demoman sneered. His grin faded away when he saw Rainbow Dash standing there completely unscathed.

Rainbow let out a hearty laugh. “Un-bucking-touchable!” Rainbow said. She felt the effects of the Bonk! Atomic Punch wear off.

The Demoman just stood in place with his mouth wide open.

Rainbow Dash sprinted in front of him. “Hey, knucklehead, I’m talking ta you! Bonk!” Rainbow said as she landed a hard hit on the Demoman’s skull. She hit him a few more times before he finally fell. It sure did take more with a wooden bat than a metal bat.

Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. The day’s finally over. Time to watch the Buckston Red Sox destroy the Neigh York Yankees.

Following are Scout links used:
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Scout
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Scout_taunts

Meet the Ditzy Doo

An enemy Pyro had just finished torching some of her fellow teammates. The Pyro thrusted her weapon in the air and laughed triumphantly. She aimed steadily and fired a muffin. The muffin hit its mark and the Pyro was blasted into pieces. Over on another side of the field, a BLU Demoman was drinking a bottle of rum. Ditzy aimed again and fired. The Demoman proceeded to explode just as the Pyro had.

Ditzy was now two for two. She looked down a hill to see a BLU Heavy doing a taunt. Ditzy smiled. This was getting too easy. She aimed and fired yet again. Pony parts flew through the air one more time.

Ditzy walked over to the remains of the Heavy. “If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!” Ditzy said. Taunting in the middle of battle. Ditzy shook her head. Shameful.

“Sun Hoofz said that, and I’d say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living stallion could best him in the ring of honor!” Ditzy stated.

Ditzy walked away. After a while, Ditzy found herself on the real battlefield. Apples and muffins were flying as the battle raged on.

Ditzy let out a battle cry and banged her helmet with her shovel. She rushed forward to see a Demoman firing gemstones towards her. Ditzy pulled out her shotgun and fired at the oncoming Demoman. The Demoman fell to the ground after a few shots to the chest.

A gemstone blew up close to Ditzy. Her ears rang, but she paid no attention to it. The real battle was still up ahead.

A BLU medic began to fire syringes at her. The needles stung a bit, but Ditzy had trained her body to ignore pain.

“Filly!” Ditzy yelled as she fired a muffin right at the Medic. The Medic immediately burst into pieces.

Ditzy Doo stormed onto the battlefield.

“Go go go!” Her fellow Heavy yelled. Bullets flew past her body and banged off of her helmet.

An enemy sentry was reloading as Ditzy was pushing forward. Ditzy jumped over the sentry and fired a muffin. Ditzy was sent flying upward.

The sentry was destroyed into tiny mechanical pieces. The blast from the muffin shook Ditzy a little. She landed on top of a large pipeline.

In front, Ditzy could see a Heavy and a Pyro protecting the control point. Ditzy readied herself and jumped. She fired on top of the Heavy and Pyro and both were killed instantly.

Ditzy landed on the control point, but no timer was going off for the capture. Ditzy pulled out her shovel and swung it behind her. The BLU spy going in for the backstab was knocked out by the blow.

“Victory!” A mare’s voice said. Ditzy smiled to herself. Another successful mission.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ditzy walked into the Recovery room. Rainbow Dash was leaning back on a chair.

“Don’t think the mission is over just yet, young mare!” Ditzy yelled at Rainbow. “We still got another control point to capture!”

Rainbow Dash gave Ditzy a look. “Don’t sweat it Ditzy! The BLU team won’t even see what’s coming…”

Ditzy looked at Rainbow under her helmet. “How’s about I tell you a story? Sun Hoofz used his fight money to buy two of every kind of animal in Equestria.” Ditzy took out two grenades to signify the animals. “And then he herded them onto a boat. And then he beat the hayseed out of every single one!” Ditzy said as she smashed the two grenades together.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it’s called a zoo!” Ditzy yelled.

Rainbow facehoofed. “Ditzy that doesn’t even make sense. And what does this have anything to do with the BLU team?”

Ditzy just scowled at Rainbow and headed towards the weapons cabinet. “Unless it’s a farm!” Ditzy yelled back. Rainbow just shook her head and got ready to go.

Above scene is based on video.

Ditzy Doo looked inside the cabinet. Tons of weapons lay in front of her. She picked out a secondary and melee weapon and searched for a primary. She found the perfect weapon for the situation, her Liberty Launcher. She may only be able to shoot three muffins at a time, instead of four, but her muffins would fly even faster.

“Ready to go?” Rainbow asked. “Well, let’s do this!” Rainbow sped to the opening doors.

“No wait!” Ditzy yelled out. Rainbow Dash suddenly erupted into chunk-size pieces.

Ahead, Ditzy could see a BLU Demoman lift up her body armor to show a smiley face taped onto his stomach and yelled out “KA-BOOM!”

Ditzy scowled. The scout had so much to live for. Ditzy faced the Demoman.

The Demoman looked at Ditzy and laughed. “Go on ya fool! I ain’t afraid of ya!” He said with his Scottish accent.

The Demoman proceeded to shoot a couple of grenades towards Ditzy. Ditzy pointed her Launcher to the ground and fired. Ditzy flew up into the air. The blast from the muffin was reduced because of the Gunboats on her hooves. The grenades exploded underneath her.

Ditzy used her remaining two muffins in the Liberty Launcher and fired. The Demoman tried to run away, but was hit by the blast of the double muffins.

“Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!” Ditzy cried out.

Ditzy landed back on the ground and walked to the Demoman. “I have personally killed 6,578 stallions in cold blood while looking them in the eye; jumped on 1,336 live grenades; and stuffed fourteen feet of my own intestine back into my stomach. If that doesn't scare you out of your frilly pink leotards, guess what: You are a hayseed and you hate Amareica.” Ditzy spit on the Demoman’s body.

Ditzy marched forward. She saw Princess Celestia firing her weapon and Fluttershy healing any damage she took. All of a sudden, Ditzy saw another version of herself creeping behind the two.
Ditzy’s eyes widened. “Spy!”

Ditzy fired a muffin towards her look-alike. The muffin came too fast for the spy to react and was immediately eliminated. Ditzy looked to where Celestia was shooting to see a sentry being fixed up by an Engineer.

Ditzy yelled out, “Mmmmedic!” Fluttershy stopped her beam from Celestia and pointed her Medigun towards Ditzy. Ditzy felt her energy and strength return and then some more.

Ditzy reloaded her Liberty Launcher and muffin jumped herself forward. She flew too high for the sentry to notice her. Ditzy fired her remaining two shots onto the sentry. The sentry was destroyed and the ensuing blast killed the Engineer.

Ditzy hit the ground with a thud. The entire process brought her back to her normal health. Ditzy mock saluted by making a loser sign with her hoof and said “Leeeft-HUT!”

Ditzy regained her fighting stance. She noticed a red dot moving around and landing on her forehead. She withdrew her Launcher and took out her Half-Zatoichi. She placed it in front of her as she felt a bullet bang against it. Off in the distance she heard, “Bugger!”

Ditzy moved towards the building where the sniper was mostly hiding. As she moved through the hallways she eventually heard something.

“And up to bat is Alex Hoofriguez.” Ditzy peered into a room to see a Scout watching a baseball game.

Ditzy sneaked towards the Scout. She knew the consequences of bringing out the Half-Zatoichi. She wouldn’t be able to sheath it until it had killed someone. Those are the effects of a magic sword. This was the perfect chance.

Ditzy raised her Half-Zatoichi high in the air when the Scout turned around.

“What the…?” the Scout said before bringing out her bat. The Scout brought the bat over his head just in time to stop the swinging blade.

“Thought you could sneak up on me?” the Scout asked, “I’m un-bucking-touchable!”

Ditzy just shook her head. She put her weapon high in the air and threw it. The blade went through the Scout. Ditzy pulled out her weapon. The Half-Zatoichi finally allowed itself to be sheathed.

“You have dishonored this entire unit!” Ditzy said to the Scout lying on the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ditzy opened up the enemy’s weapon cabinet. She was running low on ammo and needed to restock. Or find new weapons.

Ditzy changed her melee and looked around for another weapon.

“What’s this!” Ditzy said. She found a futuristic looking launcher.

“A Cow-Mangler 5000?” Ditzy said as she read the label on the side. There were many disadvantages to the weapon, but it had an unlimited amount of ammo. She decided to take it.

Time to finish the job Ditzy thought.

“Mmm hmmm!” Ditzy turned around to see a Pyro on the other side of the room.

Let’s see what this thing can do Ditzy thought. She pulled hard on the trigger and the weapon began to fire up.

The Pyro wasted no time and went after Ditzy with the flamethrower going.

She’s going to get me… Ditzy closed her eyes. The weapon finally loaded up and fired. The Pyro took the blast to the chest and was lifted off the ground and turned black. The Pyro’s body disintegrated and the ashes fell to the floor.

“This is my Equestria! You are not welcome in my Equestria!” Ditzy yelled at the ashes.

She got out of the room and began to search. The sniper is around somewhere. She peered into every hallway. Finally she found the sniper at the end of a hallway.

Ditzy walked closer until the sniper looked up.

“Trapped!” Ditzy said.

“Sorry mate!” the Sniper said, “But I’m afraid you’re the one trapped here.”

Ditzy heard a whirring sound behind her. A BLU Heavy with a Medic was closing in from behind.

She was trapped on both sides. She sighed. “For the greater good of Amareica!” Ditzy yelled out.

Ditzy took out a pick-axe known as the Equalizer. She tossed her Equalizer away and took a grenade off her belt and set it. Ditzy thrusted her hoof in the air and detonated. Ditzy managed to destroy the rest of the BLU team, but at the cost of her own life. Yet Ditzy would not have wanted it any other way.

Following are other Soldier links used:
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Soldier
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Soldier_taunts

Meet the Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie was lazing around on her wheelchair. She was enjoying her extra time off. All of a sudden, an alarm sounded.

“Intruder alert! RED spy is in the base! Protect the briefcase!” a voice yelled.

Pinkie Pie got up and stretched. Time to spy check some teammates. She picked up her flamethrower and said, “Mmmpph mmppph mmp!” It sure was tough to talk through the gas mask she would almost always wear.

Pinkie began to race down the hallway to the room where the briefcase was located. She looked over to see Applejack lying dead on the floor with a stab wound on her back. The spy was close.

Pinkie trotted forward. Ahead of her, she could see a faint outline moving through the air. Pinkie pulled out her flamethrower and started it. The outline soon burst into flames and fell to the ground.

Pinkie entered the room holding the briefcase. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Princess Celestia were surrounding the briefcase.

“Tell me, did anyone happen to kill a RED spy on the way here?” Rarity asked.

“Mhmm… hmm mm!” Pinkie said [Yes. Right here!]. She was carrying the RED spy’s body in her hooves. The burnt body hung limp.

“Good job Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Mhmm!” Pinkie said through her gas mask [Thanks!].

“Very well. Pinkie, if you would so kindly dispose of the body outside,” Rarity asked politely.

“Mmmph mhmm mph!” Pinkie exclaimed [But it’s so much work! Fine.]. Pinkie dropped the body and began to drag the body.

Pinkie was quickly dragging the Spy on top of their main building. She slowed down as a small light passed by her. She put her gloved hoof out to see a moving red dot. Pinkie looked over to the source of the light.

Pinkie reached into her suit and quickly pulled out her Fire Axe. A bullet hit against it as soon as she placed it in front of her head. Off in the distance she could hear, “Bugger!”

Pinkie dropped the body over the building. She had a sniper to go after.

Pinkie thought back to what she could be doing had a Spy not shown up. She would be going through her pictures of Rarity, her true love. She would remember all the good times the two shared together before the terrible accident.

Pinkie Pie reached the room where the sniper was hiding. She pulled out her Fire Axe and began to chop at the door. The sniper insider the room immediately dropped her weapon and leaned against the opposite wall. Pinkie kicked down the door with full force.

With Fire Axe in hand, Pinkie began to hack away at the Sniper. The sniper screamed in pain, oh how she loved to hear those screams, and the Sniper dropped to the floor. Blood was dripping out of her wounds, but Pinkie paid no heed.

Pinkie trotted downstairs to go back to her base. She passed by a room with a Heavy talking to herself. Wait a second! Pinkie Pie thought to herself.

Pinkie pulled out her flamethrower and lit the Heavy. The Heavy coughed as the smoke from his body began to fill the air.

“Fire, fire! FIRE!” Pinkie just laughed maniacally as she listened to the burning Heavy.

“Help me! AHHHH!!!” The Heavy yelled before finally dropping to the ground.

Pinkie Pie returned to the base. She didn’t expect to finish off the rest of the opposing team today. She tapped the microphone in front of her and pulled off her mask.

“Victory!” She spoke into the microphone. Her voice was echoed throughout her base. She could hear cheers and wild shots go off all around the building.

Above scene is based off of video.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pinkie Pie opened her closet. She kept her special flamethrowers away from her fellow teammates. They had a good chance of accidentally lighting themselves on fire and burning to death. She took a minute to admire her collection. She decided to take her personal favorite, the Backburner. She wouldn’t be able to send ponies flying in the air as often as she wanted, but she loved to sneak up behind people and listen to them let out a short shriek before crumpling to the ground.

Pinkie took out her other two weapons and placed them in her suit. Time to get the party started.

Pinkie stepped out of the main building. She had to get to the RED base before she was found. Pinkie didn’t really do well out in the open.

Pinkie began to trot over to the RED base. It sure was hot in the suit. But not as hot as she was about to make it for the opposing team. All of a sudden, a muffin landed underneath her and she shot up in the air.

“Mmppph!” Pinkie yelled in shock.

An enemy Soldier continued to fire more muffins at her. Pinkie quickly evaded two of the muffins before deciding to air blast the third. The muffin quickly shot back at the Soldier and hit her head on. The Soldier was damaged, but she was still standing.

The Soldier switched to her shotgun. If Pinkie decided to get close, Pinkie would have to take the blast of a close range shotgun.

After seeing the Soldier switch to a new weapon, Pinkie decided to switch hers as well. Pinkie took out her Flare Gun and fired at the Soldier.

The Soldier managed to get one shot out before being hit with a flaming balloon. The Soldier’s body immediately caught on fire. “Fire! Fire!” the Soldier yelled as she ran around in circles.

Pinkie clutched her side where the shotgun hit. It stung quite a bit, but she had to finish the job. She put away her Flare Gun and took out a mailbox. Anypony not on fire, the Postal Pummeler would act like a regular mail post. But since the Soldier was on fire, it would only take one hit.

Pinkie trotted over to the panicking Soldier. The Soldier was too focused on her burning body to notice Pinkie creep up behind her. Pinkie took one fierce swing at the Soldier and knocked her off her feet instantly. The Soldier lied unmoving on the ground.

Pinkie trotted inside the building to set fire to her next victim. Pinkie searched through the first floor, trying to find an enemy, but had no luck. A metal bat collided with the back of her head. Pinkie’s ears rang and her vision was blurred by the sudden hit. She turned around and turned on her Backburner.

The Scout behind her already retreated a safe distance from the flames and switched to her Scattergun. Pinkie took a couple of shots from the weapon.

“I’m runnin’ circles around you!” the Scout exclaimed.

This isn’t good… if I stay in this situation any longer, I’m toast Pinkie thought. Pinkie ran away from the Scout as fast as she could. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to outrun her, but if she managed to get out of sight for just a few seconds…

Pinkie turned a corner and entered a room. She could hear the fast-paced steps of the Scout closing in. Pinkie switched to her secondary and readied herself. She spent years in Hayoshima practicing this technique. She put away her secondary and yelled out “Hadou!”

“There you are!” the Scout said as she turned the corner.

“Ken!” Pinkie yelled. A fireball burst from her hands and the Scout was sent flying back. Her body was on fire as she hit the opposite wall and fell to the ground. Pinkie took out her mailbox and pretended to play it like a guitar. Her laughs were muffled under her gas mask.

Pinkie fell onto her knees. She was really low on health now. A few more shots and she would be out for good. But there were still at least three more members of the RED team.

Pinkie stood up again with renewed determination. She had to find the weapons room.

Pinkie began to trot around once more, looking into every room she passed. She reached the last room in the hall.

Pinkie peered inside to see the room full of mines and a Demoman sitting at a table drinking from a bottle. Pinkie put a hoof up to her head. If she entered the room to get the Demoman, she would be blown to pieces. Even if she was a few feet away from a mine, her health was so low that it would kill her. Pinkie stood there for a few moments to think up a plan.

Pinkie took out her Backburner and air blasted the nearby mines away. Pinkie stepped back as far as she could and pulled out her Flare Gun. She fired a shot at the unaware Demoman, and he was lit on fire.

“Fire!” the Demoman yelled. Pinkie took a moment to enjoy her victim’s screams of pain. Pinkie then took careful aim and began to blast away the mines scattered on the floor.

The Demoman ran around until the flames finally subsided. He turned towards the doorway to see Pinkie blasting away the last of his precious mines. He switched to his Gemstone Launcher and fired a gemstone at her.

Pinkie switched to her Backburner. She air blasted the flying projectile. The blinking light on the gemstone changed from red to blue and was sent flying back to the Demoman. The Demoman faceclawed before being hit by his own gemstone and exploding.

Pinkie raised her weapon high over her head and let out a hearty muffled laugh. She loved her air blasts. Whether it was gemstones, muffins, or arrows, she loved seeing the surprised looks on her enemies’ faces when they saw their own projectile fly back at them.

Back to the serious issues, Pinkie opened the weapons cabinet. She found the one weapon that would help her health issue. She took out one rather large hammer. She gave a few swings with it and smiled underneath her mask. This was going to be fun.

Pinkie went up to the second floor to find herself in the main room. She immediately took a burst of apple seeds to her stomach and quickly turned away. She hid behind the wall and saw a cluster of apples fly by and hit the wall. She looked through a glass window to see an Engineer laughing hysterically with a wrench ready in hand. Looked like Pinkie would have to find another way into the room.

The Engineer watched Pinkie trot away.

“Medic!” the Engineer yelled. A canary yellow mare in a white lab coat trotted by with the Medigun ready in hand. “You called?” she asked.

“I don’t need to be healed or nothin, but there’s a Pyro roamin’ around and I need ya to git her,” the Engineer said.

“Oh… but I’m not comfortable going around hurting others. I’m a doctor and I want to help ponies,” the Medic said in a soft voice.

“Listen here!” the Engineer said sharply. “There's an enemy here goin’ around killin’ each of our team members! It ain’t hurtin’, it’s doin’ a justice for yer team. Now go on and git that Pyro!”

The Medic shrunk back as the Engineer yelled at her. She slowly pulled out her Syringe Gun and trotted out of the room.

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After ten minutes of searching, Pinkie finally found another entrance into the main room. She trotted down the hall to the entrance before she heard something behind her. She turned around to see a RED Medic holding up a syringe gun. Pinkie gulped. This was the end.

Fluttershy aimed carefully. She needed just one hit and with Pinkie’s low health, the Pyro would be finished. She watched Pinkie stand in place, unmoving. Fluttershy lowered her weapon and sighed. She couldn’t do it. She was a doctor, possibly an insane doctor with no real adherence to medical ethics, but still a doctor.

Fluttershy trotted over next to the Pinkie. “I’m sorry if I frightened you,” Fluttershy said in her Gerpon [German] accent. “I’m a doctor. I can’t just go around hurting ponies.”

Pinkie Pie nodded. “Mmmph mph mmmph mmmm!” Pinki replied [No problem at all, but I’m still going to burn you].

Fluttershy nodded. “I suppose you said ‘thank you.’ And it’s no problem at all.”

Pinkie shrugged. Too bad she had to do this, but she really needed some health. Pinkie started her flamethrower.

“AHHH! Fire!” The Medic yelled. Pinkie changed to her Powerjack and hit the Medic as hard as she could. The Medic fell to the ground in a burning heap. Pinkie could feel the magical powers of her hammer return some of her health.

Pinkie reentered the main room and hid behind a crate. She could hear the beeping of the Engineer’s sentry in search of a new target. Pinkie thought hard to find a way around the sentry. Even with full health, the sentry could blast Pinkie away in a few seconds. Pinkie thought of a bunch of possibilities, but decided to just go for the direct approach.

Pinkie moved from crate to crate until she found herself a few yards from the sentry. She waited until the sentry would have to do a full one-eighty to fire apples at her. Pinkie rushed from her crate.

Pinkie started her flamethrower. She managed to do quite a bit of damage before the sentry turned around and fired apple seeds and apples right at her. Pinkie was sent flying back. The sentry continued to fire apple seeds, while it reloaded another cluster of apples.

Pinkie switched to her Flare Gun and fired a flaming balloon right at the sentry. She did just enough damage to destroy the sentry.

Pinkie sighed in relief. She did it, she beat the RED team. Pinkie raised her flamethrower over her head and cheered.

“Aren’t ya forgettin’ somepony?” a voice said from behind. Pinkie’s eyes widened. Pinkie felt the cold metal of a wrench hit the back of her head. She fell to the floor.

The Engineer laughed and slapped her knee. Pinkie managed to destroy the weapon, but not the one that made the weapon.

Following are other links used:
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Pyro
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Pyro_taunts