Brusque & Brooding

Brusque & Brooding

Several Months Later

The air was especially festive in Toad Town. Under and over the fluffy blanket made by the previous night’s snowstorm, the citizens milled about shopping, sharing cocoa, singing carols, hanging up decorations, building Snow Toads, and having snowball fights, a smile on each and every one of their faces. The season for goodwill toward men was very much in motion, but something was amiss on the outskirts of town. Near a pair of Toads who were shoveling snow from the road, a black speck appeared within the powder, defiling its white purity. The speck grew larger as one of the Toads turned around and spotted it. As he alerted his partner, the black spot kept growing and pulsating, before splitting into two dark streaks that ran along the ground and encircled the town.

Before any of the shovelers could give it a look, the streak erupted into a billowing wall of shadow. Startled by the wall of darkness before them, the Toads were overcome by horror when something stepped out from the shadows: koopa troopas, dark blue and wearing sinister armor, all with hateful red eyes. The Toads fled into town, where the other citizens ran around crying at the appearance of the invaders. But as panic overtook them all, one individual pointed to the sky as the color drained from his face, for a fleet of airships appeared in enough numbers to block out the morning sunlight. The terrible warships hovered over the besieged town, dropping off goombas and bob-ombs on parachutes to aid in the pillaging that was being done by the shadow soldiers. A distant booming rang out, and shortly after, cannon fire flew over the town in the direction of the royal palace, no doubt to lay waste to its fortifications.

Among the dread airships and over the artillery shots, the Koopa Klown Kopter whirred over the chaos of the town below, its two occupants enjoying the sight of ruination that unfolded.

“Gwuhahahaha! Run all you want, there’s no escaping the all-consuming wrath of Bowser!” the koopa king bellowed with delight.

“Tremble at the might of shadow and fire, you lowly worms!” cried Sombra, his cape flapping in the wind. “Wither as you see all you have ever loved be destroyed before your very eyes!”

“Hahahaha! Oh man, this is going Awesomely! Not even five minutes and most of the town is on fire. A new record!”

“With supreme military precision and firepower, the sky is truly the limit.”

“You said it, partner!” Bowser and Sombra pulled their heads from over the sides of the copter to look at each other. “To see it going off without a hitch like this, it’s a thing of beauty!”

“Months of intense planning tends to do that,” Sombra remarked matter-of-factly.

“But throwing in those shadow portals at the last second? Man, such a nice touch, and sooo effective! And we’re heading straight for the heart of it all.” Bowser turned to look over the copter edge. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Sombra. This is, without a doubt, the best present ever!”

“A present for both of us, Bowser.” Sombra leaned over and snuggled up with the rugged tyrant. “Though it’ll never be the sweetest.”

“Hey, why you getting mushy all of a sudden? We’re in the middle of a warzone, y’know.”

“I know, it’s just... it actually means something, sharing this moment with you. That I might not even have lived long enough to experience this, if you weren’t there when I arrived.”

“Oh don’t go getting all morose for no reason, ya knucklehead. This is our finest hour and dang it, we’re gonna live it up! So smile: there’s nothing for you, or us, to fear.”

“Yes, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry, Turtledove.”

Bowser wrapped an arm around his unicorn precious and smiled. “It’s alright, Snugglemuffins.” Sombra shifted as he spotted something.

“Look, there’s a mother and child trying to flee.”

“On it!” Bowser reached behind him and held a bob-omb high as he took aim. “Season’s Boomings, you two!” With a strong throw he sent the bob-omb downward, causing the pleasing mix of detonation and screams to rise up to his ears. That done, Bowser pushed the throttle of the copter and sped off to Peach’s Castle, which was halfway destroyed from constant bombardment. Despite the danger, the castle’s eponymous princess was on the forward balcony, watching her kingdom burn. With a gleeful smile Bowser brought the copter down to her level, making her jump with a fretful cry.

“Bwahahaha! It’s been awhile, Peach. Enjoying the view of your greatest defeat, aka my greatest victory?”

“How... how could you do this, Bowser?” Peach asked, quivering in despair. “This is the most appalling, terrible thing you’ve ever done. So much devastation... Also, who’s that with you?”

“Oh, you mean King Sombra? He’s my sexy soulmate. Yeah, you heard me: you and me are through. Someone more deserving and loving than you has come into my life, and the complete destruction of your precious kingdom will end whatever we might have had. Sorry babe, I just don’t need you anymore.”

“...Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

The sound of jumping and bopping turned Bowser’s and Sombra’s attention from Peach’s twitching face to the castle courtyard below. Two familiar patches of red, green and blue had made it past a line of heavy troopers and were running headlong for the castle entrance. Bowser looked to his partner with a devilish smile before bringing the copter down. At about fifteen feet over the ground, Bowser and Sombra leapt dramatically from their ride and landed right in the path of the dashing plumbers. The brothers halted (or in Luigi’s case, stumbled to a halt) and stared down the lords of destruction. As Mario and Luigi pulled out their hammers for battle, Bowser looked to Sombra.

“You ready, partner?”

“No objections here,” Sombra said, looking to Bowser with a firm grin. Bowser nodded, flexing his claws for mayhem.

“Time to dance, boys.”

With Toad Town burning and the sky clotted with flying machines of war, Bowser and Sombra charged at the coverall defenders, seeing nothing but delectable victory through the glow of their unshakable companionship. Truly, a new age of the Mushroom Kingdom had begun, and it was very smexy.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONE AND ALL,

AND HAPPY SHIPPING!