Equestrias Totally Non-Hostile Takeover By Psijic Enterprises

by Dubious

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, DJ P0N-3, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 5196

Psijic Enterprises has decided to expand its corporate image, and what better place than Equestria?

Psijic Enterprises is the leading producer of just about anything, ever. So when they decide they need to expand their horizons, they decide that Equestria would be the next stop in their multiversal quest for corporate domination. In Equestria Princesses Celestia and Luna are getting ready to announce the opening of Equestria's very first mass production facility, managed by the Mane 6.

Published 2012-12-23 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 15:10:01 UTC

Corporate Decisions

Prologue

Corporate Decisions

(Psijic Enterprises Mega Factory 000000000000002)

"So what you're saying, is that we have finally taken control of all this universes commercial needs?"

"Yes, Mister Chairman."

The interior of the Chairman's office was a standard affair, marble pillars with intricate golden engravings, extremely expensive, easily stained carpet, and massive windows comprised of transparent diamond.

"Good, now ready the Multiverse Transit Device, we have a new corporate location."

"At least you aren't manically laughing this time."

"Oh, did I forget again? My bad. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"I hate you, sir"

"And I hate you too Brad-smith"

"I'm gonna go ready the MTD."

"You do that, faggot." he added under his breath.

"I heard that ass hat."

"Fuckin' super hearing."

As Brad-smith was leaving the door opened right into his face sending him flying into a marble pillar and cracking it, as well as staining the carpet with some blood from his head wound.

"Chuck, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE! NOW!"

"Sorry, CEO Octavios."

"Damn straight, and get me a doughnut." As Chuck Chairman was fleeing in terror, Octavios decided it would be funny to throw the golden nameplate on his desk at Chuck. "Chuck, catch."

"FUCK!" Was all Chuck could think as he nameplate impacted with his ass at near ballistic speeds.

(Equestria, Industrial Complex the First)

"'Tis a glorious sight is it not, Sister?"

"Yes it is Luna. Years of planning and construction have finally come to fruition."

"I can't wait to see how the public will react to this technological marvel."

"Most likely with skepticism and extreme distrust."

"They aren't the brightest of creatures, are they?"

"Sadly, that's more true than I want to believe."

Princesses Celestia and Luna were overlooking the final preparations before the grand Opening of Equestria's first Mass production facility. Ten meter high chain link fences surrounded the massive structure, which had dozens of chimneys and building that easily stretched across several miles of land.

"Still, at least the girls are happy about it."

"You did tell them that they are going to be managing it, right?"

"I sent Twilight a letter this morning, whats the worst that could happen?" asked Celestia with a completely innocent Trollface.

"I sometimes wonder how you can into power Celestia."

"We beat Discord, ponies loved us. So I simply took control of the country, nopony objected."

"Well, at least nothing can go wrong."

(Psijic Enterprises Mega Factory 000000000000002)

"Someone just said nothing can go wrong."

"How you can know these things, I'll never guess."

Chuck and Brad-smith were standing in the bowels of a Kronos Class Super Dreadnought, a 2 Parsec long warship capable of destroying the universe twice over, before lunch. "So should we key in the coordinates for the multiverse jump?"

"I guess. You do it though. My ass still hurts from where Octavios threw his nameplate at me."

"I told you not to piss off the boss."

"He's not my boss." Suddenly a voice came over the loud speakers. *Yes I am you cocksucker, now get back to work!*. "I hate that guy."

After saying that Brad-smith took a careful step away from Chuck.

"Why'd you step away?" His question was answered when he was jolted with 20 Jiggawatts of electricity.

"That's why."

(Equestria, Vinyl Scratch's house)

"Aww man, why'd my speakers die?"

"You forgot to pay the power bill... again."

"Oh, I'll go pay it. How much is it anyway?"

"One hundred and twenty bits." Replied Octavia.

"Can I pay half now and the other half later?"

"It doesn't work like that Vinyl."

"well can you lend me some money?"

"How much?"

"One hundred and twenty bits." Replied Vinyl sheepishly.

"What did you spend the bits i gave you last time on?"

"Booze and hookers."

"I didn't even know you could get hookers in Ponyville." Octavia skeptically responded.

"Hehe, you can't."

"Canterlot?"

"Canterlot."

After grumbling for awhile Octavia finally gave Vinyl the one hundred and twenty bits. "And go spend it on hookers and alcohol this time."

"I won't." Octavia noticed a devious look on Vinyl's face. "Owww, fine. I WON'T spend it on hookers and alcohol this time, happy?"

"Very." Octavia replied with a smirk before kissing Vinyl on the horn.

"Eww, you don't know where that's been."

"Where has your horn been?"

"You know where." Octavia walked away with a Harrumph and a slight blush on her cheeks.

"Need time you need me to lend you some bits, I won't."

(Three minutes later in the Ponyville markets)

"Woah, what's that?" asked Vinyl to nopony in particular as she stared in awe at the mysterious structure that had suddenly appeared.

"WELCOME DENIZENS OF THIS FAIR UNIVERSE! PSIJIC ENTERPRISES HAS ARRIVED TO GIVE YOU HIGH QUALITY GOODS AND SERVICES AT LOW LOW PRICES!" Was all anypony could hear from any direction for the next ten seconds.

"Uhh, okay." Vinyl said whilst trotting into the building.

"Hello." Said a strange creature that vinyl had never seen before.

"What are you?"

"I am a human, now are you going to buy something?"

"Uhh, what do you sell?"

"Everything."

"Can I pay my power bill here?"

"Just buy a personal generator for twenty bucks."

"I'll be right back then." Vinyl said whilst galloping outside. "Wait, the fucks a buck?" After going back inside to ask what a "buck" was she quickly left with her new personal generator."

(Back at Vinyl's house)

"Hey Octavia! I got us a generator!"

"Do you know how to use it?" Shouted Octavia from upstairs.

"No."

"How much did it cost?"

"Twenty bits."

"You got conned Vinyl." Said Octavia as she was descending the stairs. "What's that?" She asked pointing to the strange glowing black and purple coloured device Vinyl was carrying.

"It's the generator." Vinyl curtly responded.

"That's not a generator, where do you plug it in?"

"I dunno, but the lights are working aren't they?"

"What are you talking about? The lights are ...out>: Octavia replied trailing off as she noticed the lights were on. "What the hay is going on here?"

"Dunno, but I'm reading the manual." After a few seconds Vinyl said. "It's a wireless generator Capable of powering an entire city indefinitely, and that all you need is to keep it near electronics and it'll power them."

"Where did you get that from again?"

"Some place called Psijic Enterprises store 000001."

"Well i may go there and see what they sell."

"Everything."

"What?"

"They sell everything."

"Okay." Octavia walked out of the room with a creepy look on her face."

(Psijic Enterprises Store 000001)

"I'd like to rule Equestria, please."

"Twenty bucks."

'Here you go." Octavia said whilst handing over the twenty bits.

"By the powers vested in me by Psijic Enterprises, I hereby proclaim you too be the ruler of Equestria, here's a cookie annd a crown." After saying that he handed Octavia a crown and a cookie.

"So what now?"

"Eat the cookie and then put on the crown, have a nice day Queen Octavia." Shrugging Octavia ate the cookie and put on the crown.

"I don't feel any differe-" Suddenly she grew to three times her normal size and gained wings and a horn. "What the hay!"

"Please get out of my store Queen Octavia."

"And why should I? I'm the ruler of Equestria aren't I?"

"Yes, but this isn't Equestria. It's a pocket dimension where I am god."

"No."

"Security! Oh never mind, it's my week off, see ya." Octavia just stared in confusion as the strange creature that made her Queen of Equestria just up and left the store.

"What should I do now?"

"Go dethrone the old monarchs or some shit like that. I don't really care, I've got me some relaxing to do."

Octavia pondered how she was going to dethrone Luna and Celestia as she was walking home, completely ignorant of the gawking ponies lining the streets. "How did she become and Alicorn" and "They really DO sell everything don't they?" and other variations of the like were being whispered around the crowd.

After arriving home Octavia decided to call out for Vinyl then hide and surprise her. "Oh Vinyl!" yelled in a sing-song voice.

"Coming!" Was the reply from up the stairs. A few seconds later Vinyl came trotting down the steps looking for Octavia. "Where you at Octi?"

"BOO!" Octavia yelled as she jumped from the shadows.

"GAH!" Vinyl shouted as she took aim and fired at the source of the noise.

"VINYL! THE TARTARUS WAS THAT!" screamed Octavia whilst she nursed the hole melted in her foreleg.

"Sorry, you scared me is all."

"What is that you're holding?" She asked pointing at the strange device floating in Vinyls magic with a wince.

"It's a Photon Displacement Rifle. I bought it from Psijic Enterprises."

"Why did you buy and when?"

"A few minutes ago. Why'd you ask?"

"I didn't see you in the store."

"There's one in the living room now."

"WHAT! HOW! WHEN! WHY!" Was all Octavia could say as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that there was a store in her living room.

"A few minutes ago, and I don't know how or why, but they gave me an items catalog full of things we could use. Like this Thermo Optic Turntable, and these Temporal Amplification Sub Woofers."

"How much power do they use?" Octavia asked vinyl with a hint of venom in her voice, forgetting entirely about her now healed foreleg.

"Remember, the generator."

"How. Much. Power. Do. they. Use. Vinyl." She said punctuating every word with a menacing step.

"The turntable uses 12 Megawatts a millennium and the sub woofer uses a Megawatt a millennium." She replied with a nervous chuckle.

"Are you lying vinyl?" Octavia threatened.

"N-no Octi, I'd never lie to you."

"Good." she said with a sudden attitude change and started nuzzling Vinyl's chin, at which Vinyl let out a nervous sigh of relief.

(Equestria, Industrial Complex the First)

"What's that Luna?" Asked Celestia as she stared at te strange structure that suddenly appeared next to them.

"I'm not sure, sister. Mayhap we should take a look inside?"

"Yes, we should." At that they both started towards the strange structure, which opened for them as they got near.

"Welcome to Psijic Enterprises Store number 000003, how may I help you." Echoed around the interior of the single story building that was much, much bigger on the inside.

"But this was a small shack on the outside, how canst thou fit an entire warehouse in here?"

"Quantum Compression technology, now what would you like to buy?"

'What do you sell?" asked Luna.

"Everything and anything, and all it costs is twenty bits per good or service."

"I'd like the buy sole rulership over Equestria." Both Luna and Celestia blurted out at once.

"Twenty bits each, please. Your pocket dimensions will be ready in a minute."

"Pocket Dimension?"

"Yes. Someone else already bought sovereignty over Equestria."

"Who?"

"Octavia Philo Harmonica, currently residing with one Vinyl 'Scratchy' Scratch."

"How do you know that?"

"We have a store in their living room. We are the greatest corporation ever, after all."

"Ok?" replied Luna, as both she and Celestia hoofed over twenty bits.

"Thank you for your patronage, have a nice day." The strange creature said before clapping it's hands and a cloud of white enshrouded Luna and Celestia's vision and they disappeared in a flash of light

(Luna's Equestria)

Upon awaking Luna noticed she was wearing dark purple regalia and was in a massive chamber made from obsidian Black bricks and pillars made of an unknown material laced with silver scroll work and rubies and diamonds. She liked it, even the purple and black banners with her cutie mark surrounded by the words "Avete Lunam, pulchra rector Equestria". After marveling at the craftponyship of the structure she became aware of shouting coming from the direction od a massive balcony, walking towards the doors she began to make out the shouts. "All hail Queen Luna!" was being shouted in her direction by a vast crowd of ponies standing in a black marble Square surrounded by her Night Guard.

"Now this is more like it." she thought to herself with a smirk.

"That it is." A mysterious voice said from her left.

"Who are you?"

"I am here to explain the differences between here and the actual Equestria."

"What are they then?"

"You control both the sun and the moon, you are loved by all and everyone's nocturnal, so they can enjoy your night skies."

"Excellent. I think this was well worth the twenty bits I spent."

"Yes, Also there's a Psijic Enterprises store here if you ever want to visit the real Equestria again."

"You really are everywhere aren't you?"

"Got it in one." and with that he vanished into thin air. After a few more minutes of basking in the praise of her subjects she trotted out of her chambers and towards the throne room.

(Celestia's Equestria)

When Celestia awoke she found herself in unbridled heaven. There were white marble pillars embroidered with gold and emeralds, as well as red carpets with a gold trim and stained glass windows depicting her acts of tyranny. She was truly at home. She decided to take a look around and found a door covered with warnings, so she naturally decided to open it. What she saw was a thing of beauty. Her own Rape Dungeon, with none other than Princess Luna and Fluttershy in chains.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun." she said with a predatory smirk. Which made Fluttershy start crying.

(Captain Overpowered's Study)

"Someone just made Fluttershy cry!" Captain Overpowered suddenly exclaimed in the middle of meeting with foreign dignitaries.

"We'll just go now, and not piss you off further." One of them meekly replied whilst they fled the room in terror.

(Celestia's Equestria)

"Now then, my little ponies, let us begin." She slowly started approaching Fluttershy, when suddenly she was flying through the walls of her palace.

Celestia awoke several hours later to find herself in a cave. "Where am I?" she asked no one in particular.

"You made Fluttershy cry. So I punched you so hard you made a cave in this mountain."

"Doesn't sound too bad."

"Have fun traversing the globe, bitch." And with that he simply disappeared, no flash no nothing, he just vanished.

"Fuck." Was all Celestia could say when she looked out of the cave and noticed she was in Minitos, the biggest mountain on Equus, which was also home to Varase the Devourer. The biggest and oldest dragon on the planet. As she was making her way down the slopes she heard a massive earth quaking roar. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

(Equestria)

"So, Vinyl, What do you say to a round thirty seven?" Asked Octavia, not even winded.

"I wanna go hooooome." Vinyl cried from where she was curled in a corner.

"But you are home, Vinyl." Octavia said getting a predatory look in her eyes.

"Screw this I'm gonna buy a bodyguard from Psijic Enterprises." Vinyl said as she suddenly bolted for the door, only to have it blocked by Octavia.

"Oh no you don't. Hey where'd you go?" She asked when Vinyl was suddenly gone.

"The shops." Replied Vinyl who was standing in front of a door IN the window.

"What's that?" She asked as she pointed a hoof at the massive bipedal statue next to Vinyl.

"It's my bodyguard." Octavia burst out laughing at the possibility of a statue stopping her from getting to Vinyl. "Sentinel, Attack." Suddenly the giant robot was gone and Octavia found herself lying in the town hall.

"What the Tartarus happened?" She asked the air after she stopped seeing triples.

"I was ordered to attack you by ,MASTER VINYL SCRATCH!" It was then that Octavia noticed the same statue from earlier was standing in front of her with glowing blue eyes.

"I'm gonna so destroy you, you machine."

"Negative." Was all the statue said before Octavia was hit with a whirlwind of agony and pain.

(Equestria, Industrial Complex the First)

"So where do you think the princesses are?" Asked Rainbow Dash as she and the rest of the Mane 6 were waiting inside the main offices of the manufacturing complex.

"Ah don't rightly know, RD. What about you Twi?"

"I don't have a clue either." Was all she said from behind her purple oak desk.

"Look at all these cool things I got from that store over there!" Pinkie suddenly exclaimed holding a large amount of mysterious devices in her hooves.

"Pinkie, what are those?" Twilight carefully asked pinkie.

"I got these from that store over there!" She said excitedly pointing towards a doorway that was only visible from the front.

"When did that get there?" Asked Rarity.

"Just now actually." Said a deep baritone voice from behind them which caused them all to jump six feet in the air.

"Who are you?" Rainbow Dash threateningly accused the mysterious stranger.

"I'm the cleric, and I own this factory now. So get out, you're all fired and have a pleasant day." Suddenly the mares found themselves in Ponyville, only it wasn't the Ponyville they left in the morning.

"What the hay happened here?!" Was all Applejack could say towards the utter chaos that Ponyville had turned into.

"Hello again, little ponies." Said a familiar voice from behind them.

"HUH! Discord. How'd you get free?"

"I bought it from Psijic Enterprises. They really are everywhere. But now you die." That was when he noticed Fluttershy crying. "Aw shi-" Was all the got to say before he was launched away at Warp twenty.

"He made Fluttershy cry." was all that was heard from the dust cloud that was discord.

"TH-thank you mister." Was Fluttershies response to the random act of kindness, when she suddenly found herself being hugged by a massive creature.

"*Squee* She thanked me!" Was all her mysterious hugger said.

'Who are you?"

"I am Captain Overpowered. Scourge Of The Multiverse, Plaguer of Physics, and Lover Of Ponies." The stranger introduced himself.

"HA! I'm Rainbow Dash, Fastest Flyer In Equestria, and the awesomest mare in equestria." Rainbow proudly proclaimed.

"Best you twenty bucks I take both tittles."

"How? You aren't a mare and you don't have wings." After pointing out those facts Captain Overpowered Suddenly transformed into a Pegasus mare.

"You were saying?" asked the now mareified Captain Overpowered.

"I'm boned aren't I?" Asked Rainbow.

"Here, take this." Said Pinkie as she handed Rainbow a strange belt.

"Uhh, ok Pinkie." She said whilst putting on the belt.

"READYSETGO!" Shouted the mare who shall now be called Persona, as she sped off towards the horizon.

"Oh no you don't!" Yelled Rainbow as she took off after Persona, when time suddenly seemed to slow to a crawl around her. "Whoa. This is awesome."

The others watched in awe as Rainbow suddenly went fifty times faster than her fasted Sonic Rainboom. "What was that belt that you gave her Pinkie?" Asked Twilight.

"It was a Temporal Distortion Generator. Why'd you ask?"

"No reason." She said whilst thinking to herself about all the technologies these Psijic Enterprises people must possess.

(The Gryphos/Agrophobo Border, three seconds later)

"I won!" Persona proudly strutted after Rainbow Dash arrived.

"You cheated! I want a rematch."

"Okay. You there! Changeling masquerading as a griffon could you count down from ten for us?"

"Okay, crazy pegasus who clearly doesn't know what she's talking about." Said the griffon in question. "10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. GO!" He suddenly shouted as Rainbow and Persona suddenly took off at impossible speeds, utterly destroying the changelings disguise. "aw shit, We cool?" He nervously asked the other griffons.

"We just saw two pegasi break physics, a changeling isn't much of a concern right now. Besides we're gonna go check out that store over there." Said one of the griffons pointing towards a randomly located Psijic Enterprises store. Suddenly a closed sign appeared on the door to the store. "AWWW." All present moaned when they saw it close.

"Time to kill the changeling, I guess. Hey, where'd it go?"

"Maybe into that other store?" Said another griffon pointing to a door right next to the first one.

"Huh. Well I guess they are true to their motto." At right about that moment a massive robot fell from the skies on the Changeling side of the border.

"FEAR THE CHANGELING EMPIRES NEW SUPER WEAPON!" Boomed a voice from everywhere at once. Three seconds later it was suddenly standing in the center of a massive pillar of light that immolated the entire robot in seconds.

"Lets just go see what that store has to protect us."

In orbit over planet Equus, onboard the flagship Oct-av3)

"Damnit, we missed. Re-target the cannons and fire again, this time aim for Vinyl."

"Yes, Mistress Octavia." After a few seconds the gunner had targeted Vinyl with the ships Anti-Surface Cannons.

"Fire!" a massive boom rocked the ship as it was impacted by a round from another ship.

"This is the Free States of Equestria. Lay down your arms and we will spare you!" Was blared through the ships comms link. Looking out the window all Octavia could see was a small ship baring the recently formed Free States of Equestria flag.

"Do you really think you can beat us in that little thing?"

"We paid them forty bits to make it really powerful, so they just gave it a weapon thats every weapon, and that cant be destroyed. Also Rift Plate Shielding."

"Sooo, we screwed?"

"Yes, Mistress Octavia."

"Then fire with all our might." Right as both sides opened fire, a massive bubble of light formed over each vessel causing all offensive and defensive weapons to be disabled.

A sudden hologram appeared in front of Octavia, which wasnt pony or Psijic Enterprises (As that was what she had teken to calling their species). "This is the Galactic Peace Keeping Force, you are in direct violation of the no fire zone in this sector, and will be reprimanded and have your vessels impounded. Though they are of technological capabilities we find highly primitive."

"NO ONE DISSES PSIJIC ENTERPRISES TECH!!!" said a new hologram that appeared to be a Psijic Enterprise in a suit.

"And just who or what is a Psijic Enterprises?"

"The company with the massive ships surrounding your precious galaxy."

"I don't see them."

"Then the plan went off without a hitch."

"What plan?"

"The plan that means i OWN YOUR ASS NOW!"

"Oh I have a bad feeling about this." suddenly a massive ship that completely dwarfed even the star orbiting Equestria appeared out of nowhere.

"Because I dislike you. DIE!" suddenly a singular round shot forth from the ship.

"Weak. Only one shot? What are they pathetic?" as the strange creature was laughing his ass off the singular projectile completely by passed their ships shields and plowed into it causing an explosion that was so powerful it collapsed all matter within twenty kilometers of it.

"I want one of those."

"Not for sale."

"But you sell everything and anything. Why can't you sell that?"

"Because it doesn't exist." And with that the ship simply vanished.

"Now where were we?"

"Blowing the shit out of each other?" And with that they resumed tearing each others ships to shreds.

(Ponyville)

"And that's how I defeated Grimlock the unkillable."

"So, if he was unkillable, how did ya kill him?" Asked Rainbow.

"I punched him so hard it turned to diamond."

"DID SOMEPONY SAY DIAMONDS!!!" A sudden screech asked as Rarity rocketed towards the group at speeds that would even Rainbow Dash to shame.

"Well, I did. I was telling Rainbow here about this one time I punched a guy so hard he turned to diamond."

"Can you do that to other things?" Rarity asked with a creepy look on her face.

"I suppose I could, But it'll cost ya."

"I know, twenty bits."

"No. A date."

"But aren't you a..."

"Human." Rainbow filled in for Rarity.

"Thank you, Rainbow. As I was saying, aren't you a human?

"Not really. I'm actually capable of changing my form into whatever I want it to be."

"So you're a changeling?"

"No. I'm a being or unfathomable power, who also happens to cross dress in its free time."

"How can you cross dress if you don't have a gender?"

"Because I'm me."

"Don't piss off the most powerful force in the universe Rarity." Cautioned Rainbow Dash.

""Multiverse, actually."

"Well, wanna go out?"

"Sure, I'd love too Rainbow. But first." He suddenly disappeared and then reappeared with a blood soaked fist. "Sorry. something made Fluttershy cry."

"What did you do?"

"I punched it. Not even I could bring myself to harm such an innocent creature as Fluttershy."

"Why?"

"Cuteness is one of my two weaknesses."

"Okay. So date?"

"I've made reservations at a restaurant. Let's go."

(Three Millenia Later)

"And that was that was how i meet your mother."

"But don't you have like three other Ponies perspectives left to give?"

"Hush now."

"BUt-

"I SAID, hush one."

"Yes, daddy."

*SMACK* tell the rest of the damn story.

"Make me!"

I MADE YOU! I CAN UNMAKE YOU! So get on with the story.

"Fine, fine."

"Who are you talking too, Daddy?"

"The Narrator."

AUTHOR!

"Whatever." Suddenly Captain Overpowered was struck by a lightening bolt that made him as weak as Rainbow Dash.

"Asshole." Captain Overpowered's name was suddenly changed by the court to, Faggoty Mcfaggot the third.

"Why not the first?"

Pinkie Pie beat me to it twice. Damn straight I did. Get out of my house. No. Suddenly Pinkie Pie was next to Mcfaggot in a brawl to the death against the Eternal Dragon of Chaos.

Two can play at this game. Suddenly Mcfaggots name was changed back to Captain Overpowered and his full powers were restored.

Only counts if it's in black.

FUCK!

Want my help?

Suddenly Pinkie Pie could no longer break the fourth wall.

"Aww."

"You did piss of the Author, Pinkie."

Since when could you break the fourth wall Rainbow?

"Since forever."

You're a lot smarter than you let on.

Suddenly the Author was pulled into the story and replaced by Captain Overpowered.

"Nice try. Ah shit."

"Now you shall fell my wrath."

"OR, you could witness my true power."

"Bring it." Suddenly Dubious disappeared and a blinding light appeared.

"FEAR ME!" Boomed an all encompassing voice. "... Who's writing the story right now?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, me and you are here, and Pinkie can't break the fourth wall anymore, and she's in full on Pinkamena mode now."

I've taken over writing until you get back Dubious

"Don't screw up."

ROUND ONE!

FIGHT!

"How'd you get the announcer from Mortal Kombat here?"

I hired him from Psijic Enterprises for twenty dollars I found in your wallet.

"But I didn't have a twenty in my wallet."

Moving on.

"YEEEARGH!" Captain Overpowered suddenly yelled as he charged Dubious with a leg sweep combo, which dubious dodged. And oh looks like he countered with a with an X,X,X combo. Dubious takes a right hook to the throat, but not before delivering a kick too Captain's stomach. Captain appears to be about to use an X-Ray move, Which Dubious dodged and countered with his own X-ray move. Looks like Captain's on 2% health, and he just unleashed a flurry of button mashed combos bringing Dubious down to 2% health as well. Next hit wins. *Cupcakes for all!* Ooh! Looks like the arena getting pelted with a flurry of cupcakes, which pictures of ~~the cutie marks of the seventeen ponies who disappeared last week~~ cute little bunnies on them. Oh, and it looks like Captain just kicked dubious in the chest.

ROUND TWO!

FIGHT!

It looks like Dubious just unleashed a continuous torrent of attacks on Captain almost instantly bringing him down to zero health.

FINAL ROUND!

I need a drink.

(Back in Equestria)

"And that's how I meet Sheogorath and how he stole my wallet."

"I think the stories back on us." Said Pinkie after regaining her powers and getting a hug from the head of Psijic Enterprises who also happens to be a brony, and is currently sitting next to me as I fill in for Dubious until he's finished fighting Captain Overpowered. Damn straight, now how's about another cookie? Sure.

"Dashie's flirting with the head of Psijic Enterprises."

"Riiiight. Well moving along. And now I shall kill all of you! MUAHAHAHA!" At that all the girls (and spike wearing a rainbow dash mask) screamed in terror. That was when they both noticed the sounds of explosions and flashed of light coming fro around them. "Huh?"

"I'm sick of you bossing me around Octavia!"

"And I'm sick of you being a slob that can't handle money properly and has committed multiple felonies."

"So have you."

"NO I HAVEN'T!" Octavia shouted insulted that Vinyl would think that.

"Thirty five counts of rape on a helpless pony, three cases of assault and trying to rob Psijic Enterprises."

"Hehehe. My bad." Octavia let out another nervous laugh.

"Can't you see we're tryng to have a dramatic moment here?" Discord said to the two.

"And we're fighting over who gets domination over the other."

"So why the massive battleships?"

"Because it escalated."

"Ok... Why does Pinkie have a gun?"

"Die discord. You ruined my 'Welcome to Equestria and hope you don't pollute the environment' party for Psijic Enterprises."

"I don't wanna."

"Too bad, you're taking your extended vacation and that's final." Suddenly echoed around the area until a flash of light heralded the arrival of the store clerk from every Psijic Enterprises store.

"I'm bored, so one of you dies." He said in an obvious drunken slur.

"How can you already be drunk?"

"With ease," He said whilst randomly pointing a gun around before pulling the trigger.

"GAHH! I've been shot, despite being unable to be harmed by physical means." Gasped discord as everypony stared at the massive gaping hole in him. "Goodbye cruel world." Were his dying breaths.

"Now that's over, anypony wanna see how Captain Overpowered and Dubious' fight is going?"

"Sure." Was the unanimous response.

(The Final Showdown)

I'm Drunk so, FINISH HIM!

"Alright." Captain Overpowered was standing still whilst his torso was wobbling around as Dubious started doing random movements and then unleashed a Fatality on Captain Overpowered.

DUBIOUS WINS

FATALITY

"Wow."

"So we still on for the rest of the story?"

Actually it's finished, Octavia and Vinyl kissed and made up, Discords dead and Celestias still walking back from Mount Minitos.

"Oh. Can I go back now?"

I guess so. Suddenly the Author was sucked out and into his house and Rainbow Dash was returned to The Fan fiction and spike finally was able to take off the mask.

THE END

AWW HELL NO!

THE END

Crap.

THE END

I'll let you have it announcer.

THE END

Author's Note

So that was my second ever fan fiction, hope you enjoyed and I'm gonna go watch the rest of season 3 since I haven't been watching it lately. Blame Killing Floor, New Vegas, Simcity 4 and Endless Space.