Talking About Their Decks

by HonorBound

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1972

The girls enjoy an evening sitting on Applejack's patio, drinking cider, and begin to talk about the topic of... decks.

The Elements of Harmony kick back, and enjoy a calm evening on Applejack's patio. Eventually, the conversation ends up on the topic of their... decks.

Inspired by a skit done by Blue Collar TV.

Warning: There is a lot of malapropism used in this fic.

Published 2012-12-19 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-19 21:40:01 UTC

That's a Nice Deck

“(Gulp, Gulp, Gulp.) Ahhhhhh” Rainbow Dash let out a sigh after finishing her fifth mug of cider. “Ya know? This is nice. All of us, hanging together, and drinking cider.”

Five of the six elements of harmony were sitting on Applejack’s patio, drinking some of her renowned apple cider. Rainbow Dash was lounging on a low hanging cloud next to the others, enjoying the comfort that the cloud provided her, and holding a mug twice as big as the ones given to her friends.

“Yes, I must agree. And, thank you, Applejack, for hosting this little porch party.” Rarity thanked her friend.

“Twern’t nothin’.” the farm pony responded. “It’s good ta get together sometimes, without some life threatenin’ disaster loomin’ over our heads.

There was a smattering of agreement from all of the ponies present.

“You know… This is a nice deck you’ve got here, Applejack.” Twilight complemented.

“Thank ya kindly. I put a lot a love into it.”

“It shows! And, it’s just so biiiiiiiiiig!” Pinkie added. “It’s gotta be the biggest deck in aaaaalllllll of Ponyville, maybe even in Equestria!”

Twilight snickered a bit. “Oh Pinkie. Everypony knows that Celestia has the biggest deck in Equestria. Beleive me. I've seen it up close.”

“She doesn’t count Twilight. She’s an alicorn. I mean, she’s huge! Of course she’s going to have the biggest deck. It’s all about proportions. Ya know?”

“I don’t know what the big deal is about decks. I don’t like em.” Rainbow stated. “I mean, everypony can have a good time on one, sure, but they just… stick out there.” she said gesturing to the patio. “They’re in the way when you don’t need it, and just gets slippery when wet.”

“That’s why Ah use protection.” Applejack stated. “It keeps mah deck clean.”

“What do you use?” asked the purple mare.

The farmer gave her friend an odd look. “The type a protection that goes on wood. What else would Ah use?”

“Well, I know a few spells that could make it last longer.” Twilight answered. “You know; keep it harder for longer.”

“Thanks, but no thanks Twi. Usin’ magic just don’t feel right. Ain’t natural.” Applejack commented.

“But it’s really easy to put on, and you won’t even realize it’s there after I’m done.”

“Big Mac would know. Besides, a decision like that has ta be approved by the head of the household.”

“Is not Big Macintosh the head of your family?” Rarity asked, as the thought came to her.

“Yeah, what’s yer point?”

“So, wouldn’t this be his deck we’re sitting on?”

“I like Big Mac’s deck!” Pinkie exclaims.

“Ah suppose, but only in title.” Applejack said, ignoring the pink mare’s outburst. “Ah can use it all the time if Ah want to. Shoot, he shares his deck with the whole Apple family when they’re here. He generally don’t care who’s on his deck, as long as it’s bein’ taken’ care of.”

“Well… that’s nice of him.” Fluttershy compliments after taking a small sip of her cider.

“Yes it is.” Rarity agrees. “Fluttershy? Why haven’t we ever had the luxury of enjoying the pleasures of your deck? I can only imagine how big it must be in order to accommodate your animal friends.”

Fluttershy blushed. “Th..that’s because I don’t have a deck, Rarity.”

All the ponies gasped in unison.

“What!? I would have thought, you of all ponies, would have a huge deck.” Rarity responded.

Fluttershy tried to hide behind her mane. “I.. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was that important. I..It seems that most of Ponyville thinks I have a large deck, but I don’t have one. I’m sorry. I don’t know why everypony thinks I do.”

“There, see! Fluttershy agrees with me. She doesn’t like decks either.”

“Actually, Rainbow. I.. I really do like decks. I just don’t have one.”

“That’s all right, Fluttershy. I don’t have a deck, either.” Rarity sympathized.

Dash opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the white mare.

“…But, I certainly enjoy sitting on somepony else’s deck once in a while, with good friends around to share in the pleasure.”

The rainbow mare lowered her head in defeat. “Am I the only pony in Equestria who don’t like decks?”

“I don’t think Lira and Bon Bon like decks too much.” Fluttershy offered.

“Great… three of us… The fun we’ll have.” Dash said sarcastically.

“It’s times like these that I miss my old deck.” Pinkie mourned.

Twilight was curious. “What happened to it?” she asked.

“I used to have a huge deck that wrapped around my room above Sugar Cube Corner. I would love to throw big deck parties on it all the time, but one day I had too many ponies on my deck at once, and with a sickening crack…” Pinkie mimicked what happened with her hoof and arm, and winced. “My deck just wasn’t the same after that. It always sat at an unnatural angle. We had to have it removed last year, just to be safe.”

Pinkie perked up all of a sudden. “But that’s gonna change soon. We’re gonna be installing a new deck before summer ends. I plan for it to be the best deck that Equestria has ever seen! It will be made specifically for fun. It’ll even have a small rollercoaster on it. That way I can throw new, better deck parties, and you’re all invited to be the first to ride on my new and improved deck!”

Rainbow Dash was trying very hard not to look interested in the awesome deck that Pinkie had described. “That… doesn’t interest me at all.” Dash stated unconvincingly.

Pinkie smiled, “Awww, Dashie. Do you want to play with my deck?”

“What!? No! What gave you that idea?” The athlete defended as she turned her back on the pink party pony in an attempt to hide her true feelings on the matter.

“You don’t have to pretend you don’t like the idea of my deck.” Pinky said coyly as she crept closer to Rainbow Dash. “I don’t think anypony will be able to say no to a ride on my deck, once it’s finished. Not. Even. You!” Pinkie cried as she leapt and glomped her friend to the ground in a huge embrace.

“Hay Twi, you have a deck, don’t ya?” Applejack asked, ignoring the captured whimpers of her rainbow friend.

Twilight became very uncomfortable all of a sudden. “Uh.. yeah. Yeah, I.. I got a really tiny deck.” she moped.

“Awww, it can’t be that bad.” Pinkie tried to comfort while still holding onto a protesting Rainbow Dash. “I’m sure it just looks small, but in reality it’s really big and magical and all kinds of ponies will want to bounce on it over and over and over again!”

“Pinkie, I’ve gotten used to Spike falling off of it on a regular basis. It really isn’t that big.” she deadpanned.

“Oh dear! Is my little Spiky-wiky alright?” Rarity inquired in a worried tone.

“He’s fine Rarity. He has thick scales. If anything, he’s damaging my deck.”

“W…why is he on it if he keeps falling off, if you don’t mind me asking?” Fluttershy asked. “I..I mean you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I know what two ponies do with their deck is their own business and…”

“It’s all right, Fluttershy.” Twilight interrupted, trying to comfort her friend. “He’s been trying to make it bigger.”

“Oh dear.” Rarity gasped as she brought a hoof to her mouth.

“Yeah, I know. I keep telling him that he’s not the right pony (or in this case dragon) to do the job properly, but he just won’t listen to me. He just keeps fiddling with it. I swear that he just has a thing for decks that I will never understand.”

“Ya know what? I’m willen ta bet that if ya trimmed around yer deck a bit, it’ll at least look bigger.” stated the farmer.

“You think it could be as simple as that?” asked the librarian.

“Ya never know. Ya could have a big deck hidden under all that foliage ya got there.”

“I’ll give it a try. Thanks Applejack.”

“Pinkie! Come on! Let me go!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“Nu uh. Not until you say you want to take a ride on my deck.” the hyperactive pony countered.

Dash sighed in resignation. “Fine. If it’ll get you off my flank, I’ll ride your deck until it’s worn out. Are you happy now?”

Pinkie Pie giggled at her accomplishment. “Vary, but my new deck will be really sturdy. It needs to be, to support all the ponies that are going to be riding it. So, It’s going to be a while before anypony will where it out.”

Rainbow crawled away from her captor, and alighted to the cloud that she had been resting on earlier. “I know of a particular mare with a flank that’ll be able to completely destroy your deck if they were to make contact.” she grumbled to herself.

As if summoned by her words, said mare fell from the sky and crashed into the apple family deck. When the debris and dust settled, the six mares found a gaping hole in the middle of the once spotless deck. From it, came the echoed voice of the local mailmare. “Oops. My bad.”

The gray mare crawled out of the hole that she had caused with the help of Rainbow Dash, carrying a large mail satchel at her side. She looked about her surroundings, and took note of the ponies present. “Sorry Applejack, I didn’t think I would land that hard on your deck.” she apologized.

Applejack just sighed and said. “Ya know, Ah always thought it would end up bein’ you ta break Big Mac’s deck. Ah just didn’t think it would be while Ah was on it.”

“Sorry. I’m just here to give you your mail.” she said as she rummaged through her mailbag. “…and your apology muffin.” she finished with a guilty tone once she pulled both items out from her bag and handed them to the farmer.

“It’s alright Derpy.” Twilight forgave the clumsy mare for her friend. Her horn glowed and a violet aura enveloped the splintered remains of Applejack’s deck. They floated around for a moment before reassembling themselves into their original places. Effectively, repairing the apple family patio. “I may have a tiny deck, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to work my magic on a big one.” she stated with a grin towards Applejack.

“Yay!” Derpy cried out in childish glee. “Thank you soooo much Twilight! Muffens for everypony!” she announces. She dug through her bag and pulled out a muffin for all six ponies present, each giving her their thanks in return.

All of the mares bit into their muffins, and each gave a hum of delight.

Sitting next to Derpy on the patio, Rainbow Dash came to terms with something in her mind. “Ya know?” she asked no one in particular. “This isn’t so bad. There’s nothing quite like sitting on Applejack’s big deck, and eating Derpy’s muffin.”

Derpy made a face of disgust towards the rainbow pegasus. “I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, but I don’t swing that way.” she stated before flying off from the very confused mare, and to the next destination on her mail route.

Dash looked to her friends for an explanation, but found all of them giggling in a fit of hysterics. “What the hay just happened?” she asked.

Author's Note

I really don't know if I should be proud or ashamed that I wrote this, but I did find myself giggling like an idiot while I was. So, that should tell you something. Either way, tell me what you think in the comments below. Thanks for reading.