The Pride of Ponyville Post

by Dubstep_Teaparty

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1966

Another average day for Ponyville's favorite mailmare

Derpy Hooves is without a doubt Ponyville's best mailmare, She finds great joy and adventure in what she does, and when she is commissioned to deliver an important package she will do everything in her power to make sure it arrives safe and sound. A random adventure where all is not what it seems

Published 2012-12-19 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-19 20:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

"Package pick-up, Everypony fall in."

The head Postal pony called out, it was once again time to assign the daily jobs.

Derpy smiled, only one thing could keep her from finishing her morning muffin, and that was the call of duty. She carefully gathered her equipment; she loaded her bag with all the necessary provisions: canteen, muffin, monster repellent, map, emergency backup muffin, and finally her letters. She quickly fell in line with her fellow postal workers; this was her favorite part of the day.

"Regular route for you today Express, be off, as for you Derpy," he paused giving the pony time to run through her routine. "Yes Post Master General!" Derpy stood at attention, one hoof raised in salute; he never understood her but Celestia be damned if he wasn't a good sport, she was after all the best mailmare around. "At ease PFC Hooves," he smiled, "I have a special assignment for you today. We have a very important shipment for Ms. Twilight Sparkle. As you are the very best mailmare in our department I know I can trust you with the job. Golden Oaks Library is on the other side of town, it has been requested that you not fly as the package is rather delicate. Can you handle this Derpy?"

"Yes Post Master General, nothing shall keep me from delivering the package."

"Very good, you may claim your assignment from the table." He smiled gave her a quick salute and went about his charts, carefully planning routes to best suit each ponies abilities. Derpy smiled, she donned her postal cap and walked to the table.

"Ah yes, postage claim, the table that bears the fruits of the great postal tree." she located her package and quickly placed it in her bag, the box wasn't very big but that didn't negate its importance. Derpy walked towards the door, careful not to rattle her bag too much with each step. She was happy to begin her quest. "I shall return victorious, with yet another perfect delivery for the Ponyville post!" she shouted to no pony in particular before stepping outside.

It was yet another clear sunny day in Ponyville; everypony was out enjoying the peaceful morning. Ponies wandered about talking, eating, doing general public activities really. Derpy took note of such things, to the untrained eye all seemed quiet, but to the eye of an experienced and adventurous mailmare danger lurked at every turn.

"We are foot soldiers today, the sky no longer an option to us; I am in unknown territory and must be aware of all dangers." Derpy took careful steps, checking her surroundings before letting herself at ease. She opened her bag and pulled out her map, she held a pencil in her mouth and scratched her head.

"It would appear that the drop zone is here," she circled the library on the far side of Ponyville, "the most efficient way is around the pink confectioner's home, past the two minstrels cottage, and through the square. Derpy you are a clever mailmare." she smiled to herself, looking over her map to make sure she had all the details before folding it and putting it away. She headed north, each step planned and deliberate, she turned down the alley. Nothing could stop the amazing mailma....

What was that? Her eyes had not deceived her; there it was in her path, a great mountain. "What obscenity is this? Who hath placed this obstruction here? Only one so evil as to impede my delivery would do this. Thou shalt not stop me. I have sworn an oath."

A young filly had stopped to watch the grey Pegasus who was now standing in the alley, currently speaking to a considerably large pile of baled hay.

"Come on honey, it's just the mailmare." Her mother nudged her and they went on their way.

"I shall best this mountain and continue my journey posthaste." Derpy stepped forth, she placed a hoof on the unsteady ground, making sure it would support her weight before continuing onward. "You are nothing to me mountain, see how I easily trample you and surpass your mighty peak," She proclaimed as she reached the top of the pile. Suddenly the top bale began to topple, she barely had time to grab her bag and tuck it under herself as she fell, hitting the ground and rolling down the alley. She stood up, unharmed and triumphant, checking the contents of her bag she realized that the package was in perfect condition. "Your puny landslide has done nothing but ruffle my feathers, I am undeterred." She laughed triumphantly opening her bag for her muffin - it was banana nut - every adventurer knew it provided the necessary proteins needed on such a perilous journey. "Ah mine muffin, sustenance for the body and mind, provider of strength and energy to the weary adventurer I thank thee." she happily gobbled the muffin down and did a quick turn to fully take in her surroundings. As she completed her circle a pink pony stood in her path.

"Hi Derpy, how are you? Did you stop by for a muffin, or maybe today you want a cupcake? Ooh or maybe cookies, we just whipped up a whole batch of cookies." Pinkie Pie smiled at the grey mailmare, she liked when she came to visit, she was always so funny.

"Hallo fine confectioner, I do suppose that I hath time to resupply before continuing in my quest."

Pinkie smiled "Are we playing a game? Do we have to talk all fancy like Rarity?" She giggled, "Why hello Madame Hooves, what might I the delightfully fancy Pinkamena Diane Pie get for you?" She couldn't help but smile, she liked games.

"Just a muffin, as is usual." Derpy replied in her normal non-adventure voice.

She took the contents out of her bag and placed them on the floor carefully; searching for the two bits she needed to pay. As Pinkie returned with a small paper bag, Derpy placed her bits on the table and waited patiently. "Okay here you go; I suppose you'll be on your way now?" Pinkie looked a bit disappointed, she enjoyed company.

"Yes I still have much ground to cover if I am to complete my journey in time." she grabbed the the muffin with her mouth and placed it in her bag, returning her contents to their proper pockets. At last it was time for the most important part the pack...

No, where did it go? She remembered placing it in that exact spot but in its place was a lone white feather. Derpy picked it up to inspect it. "What creature has stolen my parcel and caused such delays?"

Pinkie bounced up to her side, "Oh, oh, I know, that chicken took your package." she pointed a hoof just in time to catch the fleeing culprit turn the corner.

"Foul imp, thou shall not keep me from my quest, I will banish ye from this land for the crimes you hath committed." Derpy quickly flew after the escaping culprit, easily catching up to it around the corner. "Stop you vile beast, return what you have taken and your punishment will be lightened." Derpy had cornered the thieving poultry in an alley; it looked at her with confusion clucking softly in her direction. "How dare you taunt me, you will not leave here unpunished.”

Derpy reached into her bag, she fished around for her monster repellent and quickly sprayed it at the culprit. The chicken let out a loud squawk and ran from the alley, leaving the package relatively unharmed in its wake.

A few ponies had turned to see where the noise had come from. They were greeted to the sight of a chicken covered in silly string being verbally assaulted by a grey pony with her hoof in the air. "Yet another victory for the Ponyville post. You have been vanquished foul imp and the rightful carrier of the package restored." Derpy returned the package to her bag, smiled in victory and continued her journey north.

She stopped when she reached her next landmark, returning her attention to her map she quickly gathered her bearings. "Ah yes the minstrels' cottage, mustn't forget to deliver their post."

As she walked up a white unicorn was sitting outside with a mug, muttering beats to herself. She quickly recognized the grey Pegasus approaching her and quickly waved. "Derpy, how are things going? Been busy lately?"

Derpy smiled at her friend "Not quite Vinyl, just business as usual." as she spoke she reached into her bag and retrieved their mail. "Here you go; I hope that you shall find that everything is in order."

"Sweet," the unicorn smiled before turning towards her house, "Octavia the mail's here!" slowly the door opened and out stepped the refined earth pony, a stark contrast in both appearance and attitude to her housemate. "Why hello if it isn't our favorite courier Derpy, Good morning to you."

"Good morrow Octavia, I hope you're doing well."

"Quite well actually," the earth pony smiled, "busy?"

Derpy smiled, quickly remembering her journey. "Yes, I am quite busy; I must deliver this package posthaste. Farewell mine minstrels, sing songs of my triumphs."

"Right, see ya." The unicorn said to her departing friend. She turned to her housemate, who was slowly sipping her tea.

"She's an odd one isn't she Vinyl?"

"Nah, Derpy just likes to make her job exciting. Watch out for trolls Derp Quixote!" she shouted.

Derpy shook her head, there were too many distractions. She had a reputation to uphold, she could not dishonor the Ponyville post's good name.

"Alright, we march through the square and therein lies the target." she smiled to herself the library was within her sight. The square was crowded that day, remembering the fragile nature of her package she treated everypony as a threat. She carefully slipped into the crowd, tiptoeing around carts and baskets, so as not to be disturbed. She easily slunk her way past everypony and was now mere feet away from her destination, but there it stood, blocking her path; the final trial, a ferocious dragon. "Oh no, yon fire lizard now blocks me from my destination, I must strike whilst I have the element of surprise. In the name of Celestia I cannot fail. I shall charge the beast and easily over power it."

Derpy stamped her hooves on the ground, gaining traction, she leaned down and sprung towards the dragon before her. Spike had been returning from the shop with new quills for Twilight, he turned in time to see the grey Pegasus rushing towards him. He let out a small yelp and bolted towards the library, quickly banging on the door. "Twilight, open up, hurry! The mailmare's gone crazy again!" Twilight opened the door just in time to let the panicked dragon rush in, Derpy seeing the unicorn in the doorway skidded to a halt and stopped inches away from the door.

"Hallo Miss Sparkle, I have a very important package for you." Derpy reached into her bag and handed over her precious cargo "I hope that you will be pleased with its contents and continue to use the Ponyville post." Twilight levitated the package from the grey pony and quickly opened it. "Oh it's the special ingredient I needed to finish my potion studies, Celestia will be quite pleased with my findings, thank you." Derpy smiled "No thanks necessary, it is my job to deliver the mail efficiently and effectively."

Derpy was tired but happy; she smiled thinking back on her day. “I have once again bested all trials, I have brought honor to the Ponyville post, and I am victorious once more." She laughed, she loved her job.