Crossing Over the Arcane Hiatus

Chapter 9: Delusional Allusions

So here I am, and I don’t know where ‘here’ is.

In all likelihood I’m not even in my own universe.

I can’t remember anything since last night.

My head hurts.

And I can’t get up.

Albeit I have been in worse situations. For instance, two days ago I woke up in a jail cell and was interrogated. That was a first.

I laid down for what felt like an eternity. I’m not even sure what I’m lying on. I can’t move, and I can’t really feel either. The room was dead silent pitch black. My eyes slowly adjusted to make out a ceiling, or at least I hope it was. For all I know I could be on my side, or I could be on the ceiling looking at the floor. There was a cupcake stuck to the surface, and I decided to pass the time analyzing it. The wrapper was foil, probably tin although it could be wax. The cupcake had a visible bite taken out of a side, and I could see by the dark innards it was chocolate. The frosting is really thick, so that explains why it hadn’t fallen off the surface it clung to. I can’t make out the color due to the low light levels, but my guess it was a bright red or pink. There were also star-shaped sprinkles. The diameter of the base is maybe two inches across, possibly three.

After deciphering the properties of the cupcake, I closed my eyes hoping to go back to sleep. No luck. There was a loud plopping sound and I looked back up and the cupcake had moved. I don’t know where it went, but I’m guessing that what I was looking at was a ceiling because there were no smears indicating it slid down a wall. The residue from frosting that still clung to ceiling made an odd abstract shape somewhat resembling a cross between a radio and a blazing inferno. That could just be the texture of the ceiling though. It’s made out of some sort of wood. Probably Oak, but I’m no expert at the stuff.

“Hngh?”

Someone gtoaned. So I wherever I am I’m not alone. Something shifted above me and I realized that I couldn’t move because whatever it was it was on top of me. Suddenly I felt weight on my chest, but it’s not that heavy; rough estimate of 50-70lbs, maybe more. I had no trouble breathing, so it isn’t a big issue right now. What is an issue is the drum solo playing in my head right now.

I am never drinking again. How in the hell is alcohol so damn popular?

I found the strength to turn my head to the left. I was in a bedroom, but I’m not sure who’s. Beside me there was a nightstand with a small lamp on it, and a window with the shades pulled down. I could see a dresser on the far wall and a chair leaning up against it. The dresser looked handcrafted, and was obviously done by a professional. On top of it sat a few picture frames, but I couldn’t make out what pictures sat inside them. There was also a door next to the dresser. I turned my attention to the lamp on the nightstand. It was made of some sort of metal, probably bronze or brass. The lamp shade wasn’t anything special and was made out of wool.

Please turn on.

My pleas weren’t working. This lamp sure is stubborn.

Please? I’ll buy you a nice… light bulb? Oh wait. I don’t have any money.

I stared at that lamp. I could tell it was mocking me, so I prepared myself for battle. I studied every curve, every dent, every square centimeter of that lamp for probably an hour until I found the strength to move my arm. I gave it my all to pry my arm out from under the sheets and lift it up. I aimed to move my hand and positioned it properly; right underneath and inside the shade. I fumbled with what I thought was switch and tugged, but that only sent the lamp crashing to the floor.

I didn’t hear it break, so it should be alright. Wait, that means I’m elevated.

It sunk in that I was, indeed, on a bed.

Then why do I feel so crammed? Beds are supposed to be bigger than this.

In defeat, I hung my arm over the side of the bed. I thought about trying to find the lamp, but that was impossible. There was no telling how far it fell and where it landed, and I couldn’t even touch the floor. For all I know it could be twenty or so feet below. That would explain why I didn’t hear it break; if it fell so far down sound couldn’t travel back in time for me to hear it. That made sense.

Wait, no it doesn’t… this is a hangover, isn’t it? Oh right, I drank that cider last night and then…

That thought never finished. Defeated, I turned my head around to examine the other side of the room. Something was blocking my line of sight though. It took up most of my vision, but I could see above the mass even if what I saw was only more ceiling.

A hill? No… a pillow. That must be it.

I brought my arm around and poked it.

It’s not squishy like a pillow. It’s fuzzy though. Is it one of those fuzzy zebra-like pillows?

It makes sense. Even in the dark I could still make out slight color differences, and there was stripe pattern to the pillow. But what was in the pillow that made it so dense? I poked it again.

“Nuhh.”

There’s that noise again. No, it’s a different noise. Did the pillow do that? I kept poking it in hopes of finding my answer.

“Stop it.”

My heart skipped a beat. Did the pillow just talk? I froze out of fear, but curiosity kept me going. Somehow I mustered the strength to speak.

“P-Pillow? Did you talk?”

No answer.

“Pillow?”

I poked it again.

“I said stop.” It replied.

So pillows can talk. I never knew that. No! I’m hung over! I’m delusional! Pillows don’t talk! Then who’s talking?

My only answers seemed to come from this stripped lump, so I went with my best lead and kept poking it. After a few more exchanges of it telling me to stop, it started moving all on its own! I froze again, hoping I didn’t piss it off. I went to poke it one more time but the figure flipped over.

“OW!” It cried out.

Oh, it’s Rainbow Dash. She’s not a pillow. I accidently jabbed her in the left eye, and she slowly started to open her good one.

Wait, Rainbow Dash? Why the hell am I in a bed with you?

She must have had the same thought. Her glare became one of confusion and then horror. I don’t know who screamed first, but we both did.

“Will ya knock it out? Some of us are tryin’ to sleep!” I heard Applejack say from somewhere in the room.

Rainbow Dash started fidgeting violently trying to get up, but she was trapped too. I looked at her and shook my head, and it dawned on her that we both weren’t going anywhere soon. Her eyes narrowed at me and I could see a cold sweat form on her face. Pegasi must be stronger than humans, because she brought her head up to look over the bed. I hope she saw whatever it was that rested on top of us. I gave up hope and dug my face into the mattress. Whatever was there it wasn’t going to budge. I glanced at Rainbow Dash to see her eyes filled with fear, so it couldn’t be good.

“What is it?” I whispered to her.

“I-I don’t know.” She practically cried. The fear of being trapped forever must have given her a surge of adrenaline, because she kicked out with a newfound strength, sending whatever it was on top of us flying into the ceiling and relieving the pressure off my chest. Her face went from joy to fear to anger and then she turned to face me, and kicked me off the bed.

I landed on the ground, taking the bed sheets with me. I almost fell on the lamp which sat on the floor beside me, and that would have been painful had it been a few inches to the left. I looked up and saw Rainbow Dash jump off the bed and over me, and straight into the dresser knocking her out. Whatever she kicked into the air came back down on the bed with a large thud.

I heard two separate squeaking noises quickly afterwards. One came from the bed (and it could have just been the bed itself) but another sounded more feminine. There was a moment of silence before another loud thud, but this one sounded harder like something hit a wall. I moved my head to get a sense of direction, even though I still couldn’t get up. I lost the ability to move my arm and the rest of my body was still unresponsive. As I looked about, I immediately regretted inspecting under the bed.

Two glassy eyes stared out from underneath, prompting me to scream again. My scream was joined with that of two others, one was that feminine voice again and a new one. Terror sunk in and I somehow stood up, but I forgot my leg was broken, and shifting all my weight on it was a bad idea. Immediately crumpled to a knee and then back onto my back. I couldn’t see what was under the bed anymore, but there was a horribly disfigured being on the bed. It looked like a pony but had an enormous growth sticking out of its head. I tried to focus, but my eyesight was blurred from the light that now shone through cracks in the blinds.

“Chris? What the hay are ya doing in mah room?” The figure stood up on the bed.

“Applejack?” I suddenly realized it was her as color appeared everywhere in the room from the sunlight.

“Wh-What happened to your h-head?” I shakily pointed at the black lump on her scalp. She raised a hoof and prodded it, and then brought it back down and sniffed it.

“Chocolate?”

Blinding light now flooded the room as if someone decided to start a magnesium fire. The room got drowned out by the intense white light, and I tried to get up again but stumbled face first into the floor.

“What’s everypony doing?” I heard Fluttershy’s voice. Looking up, I saw she had just flicked on a light switch.

“Is everypony alright? What’s going on?” She rubbed her eyes and blinked, surveying the room.

I sat up and looked around too. Applejack was now standing on the bed a bit flustered, but intact. She had a cupcake protruding from her forehead, and it must have been the one that was on the ceiling earlier. Rainbow Dash was still unconscious, but Fluttershy was trying to wake her up. And as for the unknown being under the bed…

Pinkie Pie stuck her head out. “Hey, what’s all the commotion?” She scared me half to death and I recoiled back, almost kicking her in the face.

“What in tarnation?” Applejack leaned over the edge. “What’re ya doin’ under mah bed? And what’re ya’ll doin’ in mah room?”

"Why you all forget?" Pinkie Pie crawled out and popped up. Fluttershy got a groggy Rainbow Dash to come to and the entire room shifted its attention to the pink mare.

“Let me explain from the beginning, since you all don’t seem to remember. Chris drank the rest of that bottle of cider and got drunk. He started arguing with his crutch, threw it against a wall, and fell asleep on Rarity’s shoulder. After a couple minutes I thought it’d be funny to tickle you and you kicked Rainbow Dash in the face knocking her out. Applejack said it was alright if the two of you spent the night in her room, since Chris was already passed out and would just be a hassle to take back to the library, and Dashie was out cold too. So Rarity and Twilight brought both of them up here and set them to bed. Fluttershy was also tired but didn’t want to go home in the dark so she crawled in the bed in the middle of the night. After the party around 3 o’clock Twilight and Rarity left to go home, leaving me and Applejack. AJ offered me to spend the night, so I did. She was really worn out and must have forgotten about you three because she crawled right on top of you and went to sleep. There wasn’t much room anywhere else in the bed, so I slept underneath it where it’s surprisingly nice and cozy.”

After she took a deep breath, Pinkie Pie sat down grinning.

“Forgetty Forgettersons!” She playfully smacked Rainbow Dash on the back of the head, almost making her black out again.

“Oh, and we signed your cast last night after you fell asleep but before you kicked Dashie.” Pinkie Pie added, and Rainbow Dash angrily glared at me.

I lifted my leg to look at the cast, and it was completely covered in signatures. Some were more elegant and simple while others looked like they were scribbled on with a jackhammer. Covering up most of my shin, Rainbow Dash had very poorly drawn her cutie mark. There were maybe forty signatures total, but I didn’t recognize more than ten of them. Aside from the Mane Six, I could also make out Big Mac, Cherilee, Lyra, and Vinyl’s. The others were either too illegible or I simply didn’t know who they were.

“Wait, where’s mah hat?”

“Now that you mention it,” I set my leg back down, “Where’s my crutch?”

“Probably still the barn. If everypony helps clean up I’m sure we’ll find them in no time!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed and she stared at the window.

“Oh no ya don’t!” Applejack jumped off the bed and landed beside her friend. “You’re helpin’ clean up the mess.”

“Fine…” The pegasus tried to stand up but fell over. Applejack dragged her by the tail and out the door with Fluttershy in tow.

“Hey Pinkie Pie, can you help me? I can’t really get around that easily.”

“Sure thing! I’ll help you find Crutchy in no time!”

“What…?”

“You named your crutch ‘Crutchy’ last night. Remember?”

“No…”

Back in the barn everything was chaos. At least a dozen unconscious ponies were sprawled out around the floor. One of the two enormous speakers was on its side, and the place reeked of sweat and apples. The banner that hung up before was completely obliterated, and what pieces remained were scattered around the place. The walls were covered in stains of various colors, and smashed cakes and other pastries littered the ground. If this is how the barn looks, I do not want to see how things are outside.

Fluttershy flew around the room with a gas mask and several cans of air freshener before she started cleaning. Rainbow Dash was putting bottles, mugs, and glasses in separate bins while Applejack was trying to wake up the other ponies while she ran around with a broom. The magenta pony that got in a fight with Rarity was still here, and she shot across the room and threw up into one of the bins Rainbow Dash was dumping glasses into.

“Eh. It’s all getting washed anyway.” She shrugged and kept piling in glasses, even as the mare kept puking.

“Found mah hat!” Applejack dug her head out from underneath the DJ’s turntable, smiled, and returned to sweeping.

Fluttershy landed next to a stallion and woke him up. At first he looked grateful to meet Fluttershy, but that expression passed when she handed him a towel and a bucket before flying away. A mare that was lying next to him took the bucket and vomited in it, only to pass out again. Pinkie Pie brought me over to a wall sat me up against it. She disappeared for a second and returned with a box of trash bag

“Pinkie Pie, are your parties always like this?”

“Yup! But this one was one of the biggest!” I realized she smelled like candy. Slowly but surely I was regaining my senses.

“Until we find Crutchy, you can tie these garbage bags closed as we fill them.”

Ugh. I wish smell could of waited to return.

“Please stop calling it that.”

“Why? It's cute!" she snickered and trotted away.

Something urged me to look into the garbage bag I held but I resisted, and quickly tied it off and tossed it aside. Pinkie Pie emerged again carrying another, and I tied that one too. This process repeated itself ten more times before Twilight walked into the barn.

“Wow. That really was one heck of a party, wasn’t it?” She used her magic to pick up the fallen speaker. “I thought things would be worse in here though.”

“We’ve been cleanin’ for almost twenty minutes Twi.” Applejack stopped to address her. “It was a lot worse earlier. How’s it like outside?”

“Not too bad actually. There’s just a bunch of garbage on the ground, but otherwise it’s pretty clean compared to how it is in here. Need any help?”

“If ya don’t mind. Chris can’t find is crutch.”

“Oh, you mean Crutchy?” Twilight teased.

“Stop that!” I called out to her. Twilight looked at me and started laughing before going about cleaning.

“Heh, Chris you’re not sobered up yet are you? You look terrible.” Rainbow Dash sat another bag of garbage in front of me.

“You don’t look like Princess Celestia herself either Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah I probably don’t. Here have some breakfast.” She tossed me a still intact apple pie.

“Thanks, but I’m not that hungry right now.”

“Okay then, more for me!” She leaned over and took an enormous bite out of the pie. “Itth good!” She spat chunks of it out as she talked, which fortunately wasn't long. Rainbow Dash turned and spread her wings. She tried to take to the air but stumbled and fell over. She mumbled something and stomped a hoof on the ground and went back to work. Pinkie Pie appeared again with another trash bag and dropped it down.

“Still haven’t found Crutch… your crutch yet. Also, now that I’m thinking, what were you dreaming about last night?”

“I don’t remember any sort of dream. Why?”

“You were talking in your sleep, silly!”

“I’ve never talked in my sleep before. Are you sure it was me and not Applejack or someone else?”

“Nope! It absotutie-lutly was you!”

“Well, what was I saying?”

“You were rambling on about going to a place that sells walls and you wanted to buy somepony. You also said something cardboard, a bird cage, and fiery lemons.”

A place that sells walls? Is she talking about Wal-Mart?

“Just so you know slavery isn’t socially acceptable nor is it legal.” Pinkie Pie sternly bonked me on the head.

“Slavery?” Twilight walked up with another bag of trash. “What about slavery?”

“Chris was talking in his sleep last night about going to a wall store and buying some innocent pony!”

“Wal-Mart, I think you mean Wal-Mart.” I spoke up. “It’s the name of a store where I come from that sells just about everything you could imagine, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t sell individual walls.”

“Well then why call a store that?” Pinkie Pie asked and I shrugged.

“They sell anything? Even other ponies?” Twilight cocked a brow.

Wait… shit. I think I know where this is going. I must have been talking about the show in my sleep.

“No, just the toys.”

SHIT! I need to stop talking!

“What toys?”

“Err…” I sheepishly looked to the floor. Pinkie Pie’s eyes bulged to the point they might have popped out of their sockets, but Twilight looked at her disgusted and smacked her on the side of the head.

“Oh my. I-I don’t think he means those kind of toys Pinkie Pie.” Fluttershy said. When did she get here?

“I-I don’t! I swear! Just toys of the show!”

“What show?” Twilight kept pestering.

DAMMIT! I don’t think I can lie my way out of this now…

“Chris?”

“I-I can… sigh. I thought this was going to happen sooner or later.”

“What?”

“I-I can’t say. I’m sorry. I just can’t. I don’t know how you all will react.”

“It’s alright, Chris. You can tell us, after all we are your friends.” Fluttershy sat beside me and put a foreleg over my back. “We are your friends, right?”

“Of course you are! You’re some of the best friends I could ever have. Kind of the only friends I’ve ever had.” I mumbled that last sentence. I don’t do well under pressure and I just wanted to sink away into the floor and out of sight. Fluttershy heard that one way or another and wrapped me in an embracing hug.

“Hey, the party’s over fellas. Also, ah found Crutchy. Thing somehow got up in the rafters.” Applejack walked over carrying my crutch. She slowly placed it on the ground and took a minute to absorb the scene.

“Now what’s goin’ on over here?”

“I’m not entirely sure.” Twilight tried to explain but couldn’t bring out the words.

“Well, does it concern us?” Applejack asked, not fully expecting an answer.

“Yes.” I quietly spoke in almost a whimper. “All of you. It kind of concerns your whole world.”