The Definition of Insanity

by ThePopeMobile100

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Fluttershy, Adventure, Shining Armor, Crossover, Human
Length: 5405

Do you know the definition of insanity. Vaas knows, and he is going to share it with all of Equestria.

Have I ever told you the definition of Insanity? It is doing the same fucking thing, over and over and over and over again. Heh, maybe I fucking crazy then, but there are all these asshats that think they are the kings. That they had their fingers on the pussy trigger. But down here, I rule.

So Vaas is in Equestria after he died. Will he make some new friends and throw down his old ways? Maybe this is his one and only second chance...nah, that would be boring and nothing would happen.

AN: rated T for a lot of swearing. Also, tags will be added as they become relevant.

Published 2012-12-20 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-24 03:29:36 UTC

The Bare Necessities

The Bare Necessities

Death. Death was not an unusual thing to Vaas. He saw it every day and reveled in it. It was his way of life. He killed those who opposed him. He killed those who disobeyed him. He killed those he just didn't like. He was dead now. Killed by the hands of Jason Brody.

How the FUCK was he not dead. Fuck, I had five different chances to kill him and I didn't take it.

The dark veil that surrounded his vision wasn't clearing. Was this hell? Was this his imagination? Was this reality? Vaas didn't know. The pain from his injuries didn't hurt anymore. All he felt was the cold, icy grasp of death. Death was supposed to be something that man feared, however Vaas was no ordinary man. He was motherfucking Vaas and that made a most arguments invalid. He didn't fear death.

The voices in his head didn't stop, his thoughts continued. Something that was strange. When you die, you are supposed to stop breathing and everything else that makes you alive. So why did he still think?

The void started to smelled similar to the jungle in the less inhabited part of the island. The sound of birds singing overhead and animals foraging in the underbrush filled his ears. Slowly, he started to feel his hands and feet waking back up. His mouth was dry and tasted of blood. His entire body ached as if he had done a lap around his island with wet boots. He started to breath again, the fresh air burning his lungs as they started to function again.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. The sun was blinding to him for a spell. Eventually, he was able to fully open his eyes. True enough, his other senses were right. He was in the middle of a different kind of jungle. The vegetation was thicker here and the sun had some difficulty reaching the ground.

Vaas tried to stand, but his legs were having trouble obeying him. Come on you lazy pieces of shit, make me stand up. With some difficulty, he managed to bring himself to his stomach. His arms, which were as sore as his legs, were assisting in the task of bringing himself to his knees. The process included a lot of swearing, empty promises of rewards, and threats of removal, but the task was done. He now stood at his respectable five foot eight inch height.

"Okay, I need some water."

Vaas went for his canteen and pulled it out. He undid the cap and found that it was empty when it had been full before. Now pissed off, he threw his canteen at the nearest tree as hard as he could.

"YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE WATER?!"

He stewed in his rage for a few minutes before walking over and pick it back up. He was in an unknown environment and getting pissy wasn't the solution.

"Okay okay okay. I need to get water, food, and a place to sleep for now. Once that is over, I can figure out where the fuck I am."

He quickly checked his gear. It consisted of a 1911 with two extra full mags, a knife, a fragmentation grenade, a packet of coke, two lighters, an empty canteen, and the phone he took from Jason during his first night.

With his gear checked, his destination unknown, and his needs still needing to be attended to, Vaas set off into the forest.

Two hours later

The past few hours had been a complete waste of time. Vaas was unable to find any edible game or a stream of any kind. Shelter was the only thing he found in the form of a cave. Needless to say, the impatient man was extremely pissed off.

"Arrgh. You stupid fucking jungle. I am going to fucking BURN YOUR ASS TO THE FUCKING GROUND!"

In order to burn off some of his pent-up rage, he pulled out his pistol and fired three rounds blindly into the forest. Apparently he hit something because an animal cried out in pain.

"Huh, why didn't I do that before?"

He started out in search for the animal that he shot. It didn't take very long before he found a dead deer with a bullet hole big enough to fit his thumb in comfortably.

"It's about fucking time."

Vaas wasted no time in gutting the deer and stuffing it into his haversack. However, the repercussions of firing his gun lead other predators to his position.

He heard the sound of the brush behind him and pulled up his .45 once again. There was no way in hell that he was going to loose his meal to...a bunny? A small rabbit hopped out of the underbrush and sniffed the air.

"The fuck are you supposed to be?"

The rabbit glared at him as if to accuse him of something wrong.

Vaas was going to blast the rabbit for giving him that weird look, but there was more movement in the bushes. Vaas took this time to jump up into a low hanging tree and wait.

"Oh Angel, I was worried about you. You should know better than to go into the Everfree Forest by yourself."

Who the fuck is talking? What is this 'Everfree Forest' it is talking about? And what the fuck is a forest? Vaas tried to move to get a better view of what was talking, but to no avail.

"What is that smell? Why is that deer...o-oh my."

The person talking came into view. To Vaas's surprise, it was not a person, but a pony. A yellow pony the size of a Saint Bernard with a pink mane and...wings?

The fuck is that?

The pony-thing started to cry. It sputtered on and on about the dead deer. Vaas got tired of this pretty quick and did the most sensible thing to a man who based his life around being non-sensible. He dropped down from the tree and landed the six foot drop on his feet. Before the pony could react, he kicked it in the head, knocking it out. The rabbit tried to kick his boot, but it was doing nothing. Vaas was annoyed by this and kicked him away.

"Okay, I don't know what the fuck you are, but you look expensive. And I like expensive things. I think I'll keep you until I get a good price for you."

He finished gutting the deer and picked up the pony. And with that, he set on his journey back to his cave.

Author's Note

Crossover with Farcry 3 and other games possibly. I don't know, you decide if I should cross this over with other games. This needed to be written eventually, so why not now? I really don't have much of an idea of where this should go. Leave a comment and like, or dislike, to help me out

Party of Two

Vaas was dehydrated. He hadn't had anything to drink all day and carrying his prey and meal was difficult. The pony was heavy, about 150 pounds. While Vaas had carried fully grown men in body armor a couple times, he also had water. His only break was that it would be night soon and the temperature would go down.

"At least it's only about a quarter mile to the cave, cause I'm fucking pissed off and hungry."

He covered the last stretch in only a couple minutes. Once inside, he dumped his 'precious' cargo against the cave wall. He sat down and started to build a fire deeper in the cave while humming 'Do You Believe in Magic' to himself. It took some effort and a lot of swearing, but he was able to get a fire going.

"Okay, now it's time to tie up this bitch."

He turned his attention back to the yellow pony on the cave floor. He set to work using some vines to hogtie the pony and to bind her wings to her body.

"Hmm, she could still run away in the night. Oh well, if she does that then I'll blast that bitch back to the stone age."

Vaas subconsciously went for his canteen again. When he brought it up to his lips again, he remembered that he was out of water.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING CANTEEN, I'LL RAPE YOU WITH A FUCKING FLAMETHROWER!"

He threw it deeper into the cave. When he expected to here a crack from hitting a rock, he heard a splash.

"What the fuck?"

Now curious, Vaas went further into the cave to where he had thrown it. Sure enough, there was a stream. Vaas just stared at the stream for about three seconds before plunging his head straight into it. He took in as much water as he could. Only once his thirst for water had been quenched did he remove his head.

His victory was short lived as his canteen floated down the stream, unnoticed by the psychopath. His thirst now under control, he turned his attention to the fire at the mouth of the cave.

Vaas wasn't a cook by any means. He had people to do that for him. What venison he had taken with him would never turn into a five star dish. Rather it would stay a measly two star dinner that was edible, if only because it was cooked. He prepared what he had and started to roast it. The smell made his stomach growl in ravenous hunger. Even if this meal wasn't anything better than decent, it would be the best one Vaas had had in a while.

While the fire slow-cooked the deer, Vaas's attention turned to the pony he had captured.

"Seriously, what the fuck are you. And do you taste good?"

Vass started to drool at the prospect of devouring his first pony. If he was back on his island, he would've had Sanchez make something gourmet out of her. Ribs probably with that special barbecue sauce. The one with the snake venom and tiger blood in it.

It took some soft sobbing to make Vaas snap out of his stupor. That damn pony had finally woken up.

"It's about fucking time you woke up. Now me and you are going to get to know each other a little better."

The pony didn't respond. It opted to continue to cry to itself.

"HEY! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!"

The pony cried louder.

Vaas was getting sick of the lack of attention.

"Okay, I'm sorry for yelling at you. Lets try this again..." He grabbed the pony by the throat and pinned it against the wall so it's head was facing his. "Better? Good, lets talk. You can start by telling me what the fuck you are?"

The pony tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Do you need help to speak up. Don't worry, I can fix that..." Vaas let the pony go and shuffled over to the deer leg he was roasting. Pulling out his knife, he cut a piece off and took it back over to where the pony was crying.

"I know that we got off on the wrong foot, so lets start over..." He once again grabbed the pony and pinned her against the wall. He used his hands to force her mouth open. Once it realized what Vaas was going to do, it struggled with all it's might. Unfortunately, it wasn't that much. Once it's mouth was open, he shoved the piece of meat down the pony's throat and clamped it's mouth down. The near raw meat wouldn't have tasted good anyway and Vaas read in a book somewhere that ponies can't eat meat. He thought this plan was ingenious. And it was. The pony was forced to swallow the piece so it could breathe.

Vaas removed his hand from the pony's nostril and said. "See, now look at what you made me do. If you had just answered the simple question."

It's sobbing was increasing from the act it just performed. This pissed Vaas off so he back-handed the pony, hard. It's sobbing was stopped for a couple of seconds before continuing again.

"WHERE THE FUCK AM I?"

It muttered something.

"SPEAK UP YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

t-the Everfree F-forest.

"I'm sorry, could you say that again.

"T-the Everfree F-forest."

That didn't help Vaas at all. If anything, it was just information that he already knew. "Who and what are you?"

"I-i'm F-fluttershy. I-i'm a pegasus p-pony."

"What the fuck is a pegasus pony."

He didn't get an answer. The meat had finally gotten to it's stomach and the pony wretched up all of the contents of said stomach. All over Vaas.

They both just stared at where Fluttershy had just puked. This staring lasted for a couple of seconds before Vaas's rage caught up with himself. In order to sate it temporarily, he decked the pony in the head, knocking her out once again.

"Fucking pony, FUCKING DYING, FUCKING BRODY, FUCK YOU JASON BRODY!

Author's Note

None of you have any idea how awkward it is to write for Vaas when he isn't talking to anyone. Also, don't expect a chapter 3 for a couple of weeks. I won't have internet after today.

Kindness

Vaas didn't sleep well that night. His dreams were plagued with his death and this strange new world. They didn't scare him at all, but there was one peculiar one. A pony with a horn and wings visited his dreams. It spoke of repentance and directions to some sort of town. It was called 'Ponyville', the most cliche name Vaas had heard in a very very long time. The pony that spoke to him called herself Luna and she said that his resistance would be met with hostility. They were coming for him and they wouldn't stop until he was subdued or came peacefully.

Naturally, this put him on a slight edge. He didn't fear these ponies, but they had numbers and they could visit his dreams. They could read his mind and know where he was and what he was about to do if he let his guard down. Vaas wasn't happy about this, he needed answers, and he knew a pony to reveal them.

Fluttershy had similar dreams from her unconsciousness, but when Luna visited them, she had told Fluttershy to play along and that help would be there by morning.

Vaas may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was one of the most versatile. His instinct told him to wake up before dawn in order to get a head start on his soon to be assailants. He still doubted the strength of them and he needed to flee fast and far just to be on the safe side.

With the remains of the fire still warm from the recent addition of fuel, Vaas readied himself for the journey into the unknown. But first, he required intelligence as to where he was going. He kicked the pony until it woke. It let out a small squeak of alarm and frailty. It didn't matter to Vaas, all he wanted was his answers.

"Tell me, is there a place called, ugh, Ponyville?"

The pony was barely audible with it's confirmation.

"What is it like?"

"I-its a peaceful town w-where nothing bad e-ever happens."

Nothing bad until I go there. Vaas thought.

"Good." Vaas grabbed Fluttershy by her bindings and drug her out of the cave forcefully. Every little movement caused the pony pain as she was pulled through the forest on a mad rush to get out of Dodge.

Vaas seemed to be far stronger than he was yesterday, or it was his urgent need to leave that gave speed to his haste. His new found strength didn't go unnoticed either. Vaas was curious as to what caused this, but his concentration was broken by the crying pony he was dragging.

Fluttershy wasn't doing anything but being drug around on the ground for the past thirty minutes and it was rubbing her raw. Her coat was matted and tear-stained. The psychological effects of being kidnapped and being forced to eat meat was getting to her. Her body had shut down and she didn't know what to do besides cry. Her crying was having an effect though; it was pissing off Vaas. Vaas was known to have a very random temper and depending on what was happening and his mood, it could last a couple of seconds or hours. This was one of those times that it wasn't that long.

He stopped in the middle of the forest, turned to Fluttershy and said "Shut the fuck up you stupid cunt."

Fluttershy only knew what the word 'fuck' meant, but she got the idea. It still didn't stop her from crying, but it was the thought that counted. She tried to stop the tear flow, but the waterworks were far to strong for that to happen. Vaas didn't care that she was trying, it wasn't enough to matter.

"Fine, I see how it it. I'm trying to be a nice guy and take you with me, but you just can't accept my generous gift. I won't bother you anymore with my presence."

Vaas turned around and started to walk away from the tied up pony, only for her to cry even harder. He went through the brush for several yards before silently coming back and climbing a tree overlooking the pony.

It's only a matter of time before those fuckers find her.

Several hours later.

Vaas was about to give up hope of letting the guards come to him. The sun was now high in the sky with the birds chirping happily away. He was about to climb down when the movement of metal caught his ear. Something armored was moving fast towards his position.

In a couple of seconds, a half dozen armored ponies broke through the shrubbery and surrounded Fluttershy. Most of them looked exactly alike with only a few small differences like eye color. The sixth one was the only one of significant difference. Like the others around it, it had a horn on it's head and was much bigger than those around it. The armor it wore was a purplish hue while the others wore a golden set. This was probably a symbol of rank on the battlefield so officers were easily distinguishable from the regular infantry.

Vaas was soon proven right by it speaking up in a masculine voice, obviously male by it's voice. Soon after, four of the six ponies spread out and formed a permiter and the commander and a subordinate, probably a medic, approached Fluttershy. The captain started undoing her bonds while the other one asked her questions.

After a couple of minutes, the underling clearly wasn't getting any answers and just asked her to follow them to safety. She asked Fluttershy to follow them back to town, to which Fluttershy nodded her head.

It's about fucking time.

Vaas watched as the soldiers marched out of the clearing with Fluttershy in the center. Once they had a twenty second head start, Vaas started after them. Eventually, Vaas saw what appeared to be an animal trail. Not really needing to follow them anymore, he went off in search of food.

That Night

Fluttershy was being escorted home from the hospital by one of the guards. They enjoyed the silence that being together made.

The guard was one of the pegasi that Fluttershy had gone to flight school with and once had a crush on. The guard in question had, as is tradition, a white coat and blue eyes and mane. What separated him from the others is his smaller, lighter frame that made him the runt of all pegasi. Naturally, that brought the two together. At some point, unknown to Fluttershy, he had tried to sum up the courage to ask her to a dance, but she moved to Ponyville and had never seen her again.

"Fluttershy," The guard started. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time now and..."

Fluttershy smiled at the nervous stallion "It's okay Sky, you don't need to be afraid of me."

"I know, it's just," the stallion sighed. "For a long time, I've regretted not doing this before and I need to tell you.

Fluttershy looked curiously at Sky. "Tell me what Sky? I won't hate you, I promise."

Sky bit his lip trying to find the right words, but he pulled a blank. So he did the ballsiest thing in his life. He bent his head over and kissed her.

Fluttershy was shocked by this and initially wanted to pull away, but after a second she gave in.

Once they separated, they both looked at the ground out of nervousness. Sky because that was his first kiss and he was ridiculously and Fluttershy because it was her first kiss and she was ridiculously shy.

"I-I'm sorry Fluttershy, I'll leave now." Sky started to turn away, but something grabbed his foreleg. When he turned around, Fluttershy was holding him still with a smile on her face and a bright blush to go with it.

"It's okay, you can stay if you want to."

"I'd like-"BANG

A gunshot erupted the conversation as Sky felt the blood circulation to his brain stop. Vaas had seen the whole thing and had decided to interrupt the little moment they had together. Fluttershy stared in horror as her childhood crush fell to the ground and started to bleed everywhere. Her mind tried to wrap around what had just happened and not what Vaas was saying at the time. She tried to stop the bleeding with her hooves, but the blood kept flowing and she was forced to watch the life drain from Sky's eyes. Only once they closed forever did she listen to Vaas.

"-Run now. Why aren't you running? GET OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE CHICKEN SHIT!"

Fluttershy was forced to stand up and start running away from this psychopath as he chased her back into the Everfree Forest.

Author's Note

I am incredibly sorry about the wait. Normally it won't be this long. I am well aware of the probable awkwardness at the end, but I have no experience in writing anything like that so that is my excuse.

Rationalizing the Irrational

Fluttershy fled into the dark, dank forest known as the Everfree. As she ran, she could feel branches of the foliage scrape across her coat and other things matting to her once pristine, now bloodstained, coat. Her eyes were barely open as she ran and cried at the same time. The tears would occasionally wipe some of the blood away from fur. Even if she could open her eyes fully, it would do little good due to the little light there was and everything seemed even more menacing to the small pegasus.

She ran and ran, losing her sense of direction in only a matter of minutes. Sure she had seen some messed up stuff during Discord's escape and once again at the wedding. She had seen death before. Of animals and pets that she tended to was the most of it. An occasional family member whose time came naturally made Fluttershy sad, but she understood that nopony lived forever.

But this, this was new. She had heard of war in the past and that they were often violent, but there hadn't been one in the past three hundred years. The thought of taking another's life was inconceivable to her, especially an innocent. What she saw was something that hadn't been seen in Equestria in over a thousand years. The cold blooded murder of her close friend was impossible for her to rationalize. There was no point to it. What frightened her worse was how easy this monster made it seem. He laughed as she tried to save her friend, she remembered that much.

And now she had this madman chasing her with the intent to brutally murder her and there was nopony in between the two.

She eventually needed a slight break. When she stopped to catch her breath, it dawned on her that she didn't have a clue what to do. Survival was something new to her, or anypony in Ponyville. Survival, like any task, required the appropriate skills to survive in any environment. Skills that Fluttershy didn't have. She mentally cursed herself that she hadn't gone camping with Applejack more. Even if she had though, there never was any life-threatening danger.

The situation came crashing down on Fluttershy and the gravity of failure. To lose this game meant a fate worse than death. The monster pursuing her wouldn't rest until she submitted and embraced her death. What she didn't know was that that wasn't at all what Vaas wanted. His reasons and methods were still unknown to her.

Fluttershy had to keep moving and she knew it. Thoughts could come once she had established a safe area. So she ran as if her life depended on it.

Shining Armor had an exceptionally lazy day at the office. The day had been full of some paperwork and a couple of forms to sign, but nothing too strenuous. Well except when he got hit in the back of the head with a book that a pegasus decided to throw at him. That was strange. Other than that, the only exceptionally strenuous thing that he had planned to do was his wife that night.

He was finishing packing up for the night when a knock on the door sounded.

Shining let out a small sigh, "come in."

A solar guard private by the name of Pansy came into his office. Once he shut the door, he threw up a smart salute, "sir I have a message for you."

A message? Good, it must be from the search and rescue mission. "Don't just stand there, tell me already."

"Sir, I was told to to summon you to the throne room."

Shining sighed even louder this time and had to stop himself from facehoofing. "You could have just told me that the princess wanted to see me."

"Sir, that would have been disrespectful of your rank."

Damn recruits, the only thing they do will is annoy me with all their formalities. "Dismissed."

The private threw up another salute before turning around sharply and removing himself from the room.

Shining sighed. "Well then, I better see what she wants."

Fast forward ten minutes because the author is too lazy to write about the walk to the throne room.

Shining opened the huge double doors to the throne room in an over-dramatic fashion to express his annoyance at being summoned right when he was about to leave. Of course, Celestia didn't seem to notice it or care. The solar princess radiated the brilliance and beauty of the Sun that stunned those who wished to bask in it. Shining was immune due to his days of close proximity to the princess.

He gave a respectful bow to the princess before rising. "You summoned me?"

Celestia kept her poker face, making it impossible to tell what she wanted easily. "Yes, I have a task for you. One of great importance to the safety of Equestria and your sister's."

Shining Armor's ears perked up at the mention of Twilight. "What is the trouble, princess?"

Celestia looked to the attendants. "Leave us."

Within minutes, the throne room was empty save for the princess and the captain. "Shining Armor, I won't keep you any longer than I have to so let me get straight to the point."

Shining held his silence.

"Yesterday afternoon, a being was discovered in the Everfree forest. It's origins are unknown, but from what we were able to gather, it is...unstable. It has a violent temper and an intelligence that is far above average."

Shining's face held confusion. "Princess, what do you mean unstable, and what average intelligence?"

Celestia still held that same facial expression. "Its intelligence is above average for a pony, which means its sentient. What I meant by unstable is that it is completely insane."

"Then why is this a threat to Equestria? It is still in the Everfree right?"

"Yes it is still in the Everfree, but it abducted the Element of Kindness and while we're still waiting for the medical report, our first impressions tell us that she was harmed far more than physically. We were able to rescue Fluttershy and she is to be escorted at all times. Her cottage is to be under constant surveillance. What I want from you is to track this animal down. I would prefer it alive, but if that proves too difficult, then dead will do just fine."

Shining's face was stone, his determination as strong as tempered steel. "Just point me in the right direction."

Vaas was having the time of his life. He had some scared little pony running from him into the forest, thinking that he was chasing her. He shot it's boyfriend thing and laughed as she tried to save him. The pony was crying all over the place and ran right where he wanted her to.

Now, he had access to her house that she was stupid enough to lead him to. Vaas had all the food and water he needed. The local waterlines kept him hydrated, the local wildlife kept him fed. Sure they weren't that filling, but Vaas wasn't too keen on the idea of eating hay. He was finally able to kick back and relax for a while, at least until they found the body.

His fun ended when there was a knock on the door. Vaas stopped doing what he was doing and started to gather his stuff, figuring that it was the fuzz. There was more frantic knocking. followed by a voice "Fluttershy, open up. This is Lieutenant Steel of the Canterlot Royal Guard. Open the door."

Vaas smiled as he prepped his grenade. He was sitting at the top of the staircase, waiting for the door to open. An eternity happened before the door came down.

A second later, Vaas threw the grenade through the now open door and into the crowd that had gathered outside the door. Oblivious to the danger, a couple of the guards were distracted by what they thought was a rock. Lieutenant Steel was the first through the door and the only one too see Vaas grinning at him. They stared at each other for two seconds before an explosion shook them out of the staring contest.

Steel dropped to the ground from the concussive force of the grenade and glanced back up at Vaas only to see him running away. He tried to stand, but there was something in his leg. He looked at it to see a shard of the broken door about the size of his horn sticking out of his back-left leg, leaving him out of commission for the next while.

Vaas for his part, sprinted through a back room and jumped out of the two story window and intercepted a pegasus guard in the air. Using the guard to soften his landing, Vaas hit the ground with the pegasus under him. He smiled as he quickly drew his knife and shoved it through the undercarriage of the guard's mouth and into his brain. The guard died immediately and Vaas withdrew the knife milliseconds later.

Now with the local authorities well known to his presence, he ran into the Everfree. The last, best refuge for criminal scum.

Author's Note

I am warning you now. This is just the beginning for this story. If you can't handle a dark fic, then read something else. This is going to be brutal from here on out. If you don't want to read about ponies (many of which I actually like) being violently and horrifically ripped to shreds, then might I suggest something that doesn't delve into Vaas's psychotic and irrational mind. How about a nice, happy, shipfic between a couple of ponies, perhaps a RariJack. Or Twixie? Maybe, god forbid, OctiScratch? I don't care, as long as I don't have to listen to people complain about torture on my comments.

Oh and sorry for the wait and all that shit.