Chapters Chapter 1: A New Beginning
One who didn’t know me better might say I lived a charmed life. Straight A’s, varsity sports, lead editor of the newspaper, hell even my family is pretty cool, as far as parents go at least. Wherever I go I seem to fit right in, an ability that’s accentuated by my eyes. As far back as I can remember, my eyes could change color, suiting my emotions: red when I’m angry, blue when I’m sad, and so on. People tend not to notice since the change is usually pretty subtle, taking a few moments to go from one color to the next, often times while I’m blinking. But, the truth of the matter is that none of that means anything to me. Because it just isn’t the real me; all I ever do is put on the hat that people want and act like I’m having a good time. It gets especially bad during the school play. People say that I’m really good at taking on the role of my character; I guess that’s why I’m usually lead. But, I hardly notice. I still feel like me, just a me that is expressing himself in a different way.
I’m getting off topic.
Sometimes my troubles do escape me; one thing that I can always count on is My Little Pony, in its newest rendition. For some reason though, I can never bring myself to talk about it in front of others. It’s a stupid sentiment; people always seem to like me, so why can’t I bring myself to share this part of me? I enjoy the brief periods of respite the show gives me, but eventually reality comes crashing down and I’m no happier than when I started watching. It seems that with increasing frequency, I get the urge to escape my troubles, permanently.
That’s how I came to be in front of this pond, with a knife in my hand. I regarded it as it caught the moonlight, the edge of the blade nearly sparkling. I liked this knife, got it at a flea market a few years back. It’s russet-brown and gold in color, with an ornate design on either side, not that it will matter for much longer. I’m alone out here, in the middle of the park by my house, the property is beautiful, a calm lake surrounded by blue spruce, but no one else comes out here. So I use the place as a thinking spot. Whenever I’m angry or upset, or just want away from it all, I come out here. Nothing to listen to but my own thoughts. I looked at my reflection in the water, first staring at my face, then shifting the focus exclusivly to my eyes: they were yellow. Not even I am sure about what I’m going to do next. I’ve been in this situation far more than what I think is healthy, especially since my 17th birthday a few months ago. But, I feel like there’s more to life then what I can accomplish here, on Earth I mean, it’s almost like I don’t belong. That’s a ridiculous sentiment though, there’s nowhere to live except Earth, and everyone here loves me. But not the real me…
I don’t even know what the real me is…
I let out a long sigh; maybe life will seem just a bit more clear in the morning. I folded my knife away, and tucked it in my jacket. I liked this jacket as well; its faded leather reminds me of ages past, a different time.
Why is it that the only things I like are inanimate?
I moved to leave, but I heard a sound behind me, almost like a ripping except something about the sound was unnatural, it sent chills riveting down my spine.
But that’s impossible; nobody comes out here but me. I thought as I turned to find, nothing, in the most literal sense. I found myself staring at what appeared to be a hole in the universe. Its infinite blackness wavered in the air, the scene that was supposed to be in its place dangled helplessly below mixing multiple images in a way that made me feel light-headed.
But that’s not possible, although…
Before I knew what I was doing I was standing right next to it.
Well, what do I have to lose? Either it’s nothing and I’m hallucinating, or I get sucked into the vacuum of space and the universe does my job for me.
If I could see my eyes I’m sure they would be burning a fierce yellow, you only live once, right? I took a step forward, and everything went dark…
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Uh, my head hurts… Where am I?
I opened my now certainly orange, with panic, eyes to find a lake a few feet in front of me. It looked remarkably similar to the one I was at just a moment ago, but it seemed slightly off, the colors were brighter, and everything was in a subtly different location, clearly I’d never been here before. It was day now, so either I was in another dimension with a daylight cycle not in sync with our own, or I had just passed out for a while, assuming that I did walk through a hole in the universe. Considering the circumstances, I couldn’t rule out any of my options. I stood up, or tried to, but my hands and feet wouldn’t obey me.
Wait… Why can’t I feel my hands and feet?
I jumped to a standing position, which seemed significantly lower than it had been before I passed out, and looked down. My human limbs were gone and replaced by what appeared to be four round legs with hooves on the end. They were all black as a moonless night and seemed to have large holes in them. A gentle breeze passed through the air and me… it sent another chill down my spine. I clumsily waddled to the lake I’d noticed earlier and looked down. I saw a face as black as my legs, two sharp fangs jutted down from either side of my perturbed mouth. A short black horn erupted from between my eyes, which were a burning yellow.
I wonder if they still work?
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, calming myself down. When I reopened them I could see tinges of green seeping into the yellow already. So I still had that trick at least.
But what am I? I look like a pony of some kind. A little one at that, wait… little pony… My Little Pony? It couldn’t be.
Something clicked in my brain and I sharply turned to my reflection again, other than my now orange eyes; I looked exactly like the changelings from the season 2 finale! I drew a short gasp and backed away from my reflection. The universe sent me to Equestria? Though I wasn’t exactly complaining, I didn’t even realize that Equestria existed outside of television, if this was the Equestria that I knew from the show even. For all I knew this was the Equestria where Molestia existed; I shuddered at the thought.
If I’m a changeling then that means…
A smile came to my lips, I trotted over to the lake again, managing not to trip over myself , and looked down.
How do I transform?
I realized that it was never explained in the series.
Do I just think about it? Only one way to find out…
I closed my eyes and focused, something simple. I opened my eyes to see a chestnut colored colt with a dark brown mane looking back at me. Other than my eyes I looked just like Doctor Hooves. I turned and saw an hourglass planted firmly on my flank; clearly this transforming thing wasn’t too complicated.
Maybe something a little more complicated then. Something that wasn’t a pony to begin with…
I closed my eyes once more, opening them to a pony whose resemblance surprised even me. My reflection beheld a colt with a blood red mane and a pristine white coat, but best of all was the cutie mark. An outline of a hood with a swooping line directly beneath. Ezio Audipony , I snickered at my own joke.
Before I could think of any other characters to turn into, I heard a loud pop from behind. I quickly turned around to find myself face-to-face with Princess Celestia herself.
Well, that was fun while it lasted… I thought to myself as the Alicorn regarded me curiously. She spoke with the most regal voice I had ever heard, it was like honey to the ears.
“Greetings, Ezio. That is your name correct?”
It took me a moment to understand the question.
Ezio, what is she… Oh god, she CAN read minds, that’s kind of weird to think about, I wonder if she’s reading my thoughts right now. Hmm… She doesn’t appear inclined either way, only one way to tell for sure, what’s the dirtiest thing I can think of?
By the way she recoiled back it became apparent she was, in fact, reading my thoughts.
“You were reading my mind.” I said bluntly.
“Yes, and you scarred me with a mental image I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of, I might have half a mind to banish you, or throw you in a dungeon, or banish you and lock you up in a dungeon in the place I banished you to.” Though her voice was sweet, her words stung. I remembered all of a sudden who I was talking to.
“I have a lot to explain don’t I?” I asked, hanging my head low and dropping the cloak of Ezio that surrounded me, showing my changeling form beneath. Impressively, she remained quite impassive.
“Not at all, your coming was foretold,” she replied, even-toned.
I looked up in utter surprise.
“Foretold?” I asked, quizzically. Celestia sighed heavily.
“There are ways to see the future,” she said after some time, in a rather resigned, though still beautiful voice. “Though much of the practice is lost to time, many predictions of ages past still exist. You were one of them.”
“My arrival was prophesied?” I asked, still unsure of this whole Equestria thing, let alone my arrival being notable.
“Yes, the tale is old and the details are sketchy, but it clearly depicts a creature not of this world coming in the form of a changeling. Though your exact purpose is also unclear the scripture points to the idea of you playing a very big role in the salvation of Equestria.”
O.K. that is a lot of information to handle, not one day ago I was considering ending my life and now I’m supposed to save everypony’s (wow that lingo is settling in quickly) life, wait is she reading my mind again? Only one way to be sure…
“That won’t be necessary, thank you.” Celestia said in a rather panicked voice, though she quickly regained her usual princess-like grace. I silently chuckled to myself. “My point is that you are important, so I’m responsible for you.” The princess continued, though she eyed me suspiciously.
“By ‘responsible’, do you mean?” I hinted at, hoping that this whole, savior of the universe thing, came with some tangible benefits. How greedy of me.
“I will settle you in Ponyville, making it as though you’ve always been a citizen of Equestria. Also you’ll receive a small allowance for expenses, considering your lack of experience in any field here.” Celestia replied in a formal tone, obviously she wasn’t happy with my antics from earlier.
I should try to remedy this situation at some point, being on Celestia’s shit list seems like quite the health hazard.
“Then there’s no reason I should delay then, is there?” I asked, still unsure as to how Equestrian society worked.
“No it appears not, Ponyville is that way,” Celestia replied, gesturing her ornate hoof to my left. “If you hurry, you’ll likely make it before the day is wasted.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty, I’ll be off then.” I stated, I was about to move when I noticed that Celestia wasn’t leaving herself.
“Are you O.K.?” I asked, staring at here curiously.
“Hmm… Oh, Yes, quite fine. I just need to do something, just run along now.” She spoke in a somewhat forced tone, I felt as if there was something she wasn’t telling me. But, it’s not my place to call out a princess.
I turned around and headed for Ponyville; only to have something catch my ankle, still inexperienced in using my new body, I was unable to right myself and tripped. Luckily my face broke the fall. I cocked my throbbing head backwards to see a piece of recently levitated string fall to the ground and a giggling Celestia start to teleport away.
“I believe they call this, ‘getting even’,” she said right before she disappeared in bright white flash that stung my eyes. I gently rubbed them as I got up and looked at the spot where Celestia was just a moment ago.
Trollestia… I thought to myself as I gathered my bearings and continued my trot towards Ponyville.
Ultimately, I decided to walk to Ponyville. I realized that all changelings are outfitted with wings, but I simply didn’t trust them. Even though I saw plenty of them flying in the show I couldn’t feel comfortable with holes in my wings. Eventually, it occurred to me I could have just changed into a normal Pegasus, but more than likely it would have ended with me face first in a tree and unnecessary attention would have been drawn towards me anyways. Besides the walking was good practice, by the time I could see the outline of Ponyville in the barely descending sun I could manage a slow jog, only stumbling occasionally. A big improvement from just a few short hours ago when I could barely walk, the lack of a vengeful Celestia also seemed to smooth the process considerably.
I managed to get quite close to Ponyville before it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to change into something that wasn’t a monster, more than likely despised by all of Equestria, minus one princess, hopefully minus one princess. In all honesty I found myself unable to peg her as a friend or a reluctant accomplice. Either way, I knew that even if the princess were to bail me out, appearing in town in my current form would certainly leave some questions to be answered.
Should I go in as Ezio, or is that a little too obvious. Decisions, decisions.
I would suggest going as somepony a bit less conspicuous than Ezio, just my opinion though.
AHH…What the F-…You can send thoughts too? And I thought that mind reading was creepy enough, Celestia.
Don’t look a gift Alicorn in the mouth. As dashing as you looked as Ezio, a more subtle approach might be in order. After all we don’t need all the mares in town giving you a hard time, hmm…
I sense that all this flattery is just to get me to play along but O.K. I’ve got nothing to lose, one generic pony coming up.
I closed my eyes and made a mental image of the most average thing I could think of, and ponified it, Bruce Banner seemed to fit the bill. Everything brown, except the eyes of course, I’ve never had control over those. My new stallion had a light tan coat, a brown mane, and for the cutie mark, a rock.
It was Rarity’s destiny so it should serve as a reasonable cover. I thought as I continued my trot to Ponyville.
Could you try being less interesting? You’ll never get away from a conversation with all the fascinating stories that could come from that mark.
My point exactly, I just want to settle in tonight, and unless the cataclysm I’m supposed to stop is tomorrow then introductions can wait.
Fair enough, between your deductions from earlier and this I might have to retract my comment about you being slow. You never said I was slow… wait, did you call me dashing earlier?
You know what, never mind, you might want to go into town soon, Equestrian nights are quite chilly.
Wow… What a total bit-, I mean what a wonderful pony, I sure am lucky to know that Celestia is nothing but helpful.
Mhmm…
I can’t tell who won that conversation, oh look, the entrance to Ponyville. Let’s see if I can get in unimpeded.
I don’t even know where I live.
I nearly face-hoofed for being so stupid.
Why didn’t I ask Celestia about this when I was with her? Or even when she was talking to me? Maybe I AM a bit slow. Any comments, Celestia?
Despite my chiding Celestia clearly wasn’t going to answer, maybe I’d offended her.
Perhaps Mayor Mare can help.
With this new thought in mind I trotted over to Town Hall. Despite my poor navigational instincts it wasn’t hard to find. It was the largest building in town, after all. When I arrived it was a simple matter of inquiry to find the Mayor, who was more than happy to tell me where my new home was. Apparently, there had only been one house for sale when Celestia went shopping for me, it also appeared to be a pretty nice house too. This whole “tangible benefits” thing was starting to take shape. It goes without saying that I was looking forward to seeing my new quarters. I was on my way out when I ran into the last pony I’d ever expect to just bump into, Rarity.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there!” she said; it was clearly the truth. She had such a mountain of materials in front of her that I was surprised that she could even move. Let alone navigate through a busy Ponyville.
I suppose she would have the practice for it though.
“Do you need some help?” I asked, quite worried that she was going to kill herself in an avalanche of fabric, should she lose her balance.
“Oh, no dear. I’m quite alright, but could you be a darling and hoof me that roll of silk. I’m afraid that it’s fallen off the pile.” Looking to my left I could quite clearly see the object in question. The only problem was that I hadn’t exactly developed good hoof-eye coordination and as a result I didn’t know how ponies pick up anything with their hooves. If I had disguised myself as a unicorn I could have used magic, but I hadn’t. The idea of using my mouth briefly came to mind but I quickly dismissed the idea as ridiculous.
I doubt that Rarity would want drool all over her expensive fabrics.
The situation had become incredibly awkward for me.
At least Rarity wasn’t catching whiff of my dilemma; that would make the whole situation about twice as problematic.
“Oh, of course,” I replied, hoping I’d be able to figure out the enigma that was at hoof.
I trotted over to where the silk had fallen and gingerly placed it between my two front hooves, being careful not to damage it. I was surprised by how easy it was to get a satisfying grip on the silk. Apparently in Equestria a hoof is similar to a hand, if that hand had a mitten on, and the thumb was sewn to the rest of the ensemble.
O.K. not that much like a hand, but more useful than I had assumed.
With this new piece of information stored in the back of my mind, I happily placed the fabric on the precarious pile, praying that it would stay stable. I had just finished when an interesting thought occurred to me.
Couldn’t she just use her magic to do this?
Before I could ponder this thought any further Rarity spoke up again.
“Oh, thank you, sir. I would have gotten it myself but as you can see I’m a bit over-burdened and it’s taking all of my magic to hold this thing upright.”
Now that she mentions it I can see a faint glimmer of blue magic on that thing, it wouldn’t be gentlecolt-like of me to not offer my help, this is certainly going to eat into my day though.
Despite my qualms with the amount of time I was going to lose I knew that there was nothing I could do but curse myself for being born with something that resembled ethics, while I asked, “Do you need help with that?”
She looked at me suspiciously; I offered a sheepish grin.
Maybe she’ll say no…
“Oh my, what a gentlecolt! If it really isn’t too much of a bother, this is starting to get rather heavy. Here, catch!”
Before I could respond, a large pile of various dress-making materials were flung in my general direction. I somehow managed to stay standing despite the impact of what felt like a ton of raw materials.
“Follow me,” she continued, blazing the trail I would follow all the way to the foyer of Carousel Boutique.
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“You must be exhausted, let me relieve you of those,” Rarity said, as her pale blue magic enveloped my load, scattering its contents to their proper places. I immediately felt relief wash over my entire body as the immense weight of the fabrics was taken off of me. I was slightly embarrassed that she had been able to carry so much more than I; I found it much easier to sympathize with the bell-buck from “Sweet and Elite” all of a sudden, it was amazing his back didn’t break.
I need to work out more, I thought sadly; honestly though, I was surprised at how weak I was compared to Earth. While I wasn’t a fitness nut, I did exercise regularly, doing mostly cardio, like running. Apparently, ponies were just naturally more robust than humans. At least that’s what I told myself.
“I was my pleasure,” I gasped between labored breaths, hoping she wouldn’t notice my struggle to get air into my lungs. She did.
“Oh, you poor thing, look at you! You didn’t throw out your back did you?” The white unicorn asked, genuinely concerned.
“Throw out my back?” Does she think I’m an old man or something? I really do need to work out more. And I thought I was in shape. If these ponies came to Earth they’d be Olympic athletes. I should probably just roll with this though, better than facing the shame.
“Oh, no,” I replied, working the kink out of my shoulders. “I’m just a little old.”
GAH!! What am I choking on? Oh, wait, that’s my pride…
“Well I appreciate you helping me. Is there anything I can do in return?” Rarity asked, with a soft voice.
“I couldn’t take advantage of you like that,” I replied, ever the gentlecolt. “It was simply the right thing to do.”
“Oh, I simply insist!” Rarity pushed, “Generosity is my middle name.”
I didn’t even know you had a middle name.
“If you really insist…” I replied, trailing off.
“I really do!” she countered, staring at me with her large, blue eyes.
“I’m helping my friend move in, and he might like some clothes…” I continued, before immediately getting cut off. Apparently I had said all she needed to hear.
“I know exactly what you mean! I would love to design a piece for your friend, eh, what’s his name?” the purple manned unicorn asked, inquisitively.
“He doesn’t like me talking about him.” I replied, abashed.
“I understand completely, darling. I have plenty of experience with shy ponies.”
“He’s not shy; he just prefers to do his own introductions.”
“I suppose I’ve have to wait then, if he’s half the gentle-colt you are I’m sure I’ll be delighted.”
I blushed at the compliment.
“Well, Ms. Rarity, I appreciate you kindness, but I’m afraid I’m a busy colt and I have much to attend to, so if you’ll be so kind,” I hinted.
“Of course, mister… Oh! I never got your name, how rude of me,” Rarity said.
“Think nothing of it; you can call me Tom,” I replied. I immediately shot a glance at my cutie mark and got a surprised stare from Rarity as she realized the irony of what I had just said.
Why did I say that? Why not Bruce? That was my covers inspiration anyways; even Bill would have been less awkward. Hopefully, this won’t bite me in the flank later.
“Well, I must really be going,” I said. “Nice meeting you!” with that I quickly dashed out of the boutique and hurried home, leaving Rarity with a slightly bemused face.
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This is the most excited I’ve been in a while, maybe this whole “Pony” thing will be good for me. I thought as I trotted towards the direction of my new home.
I had just made it to the door when I was stopped by a familiar pink mare.
Pinkie Pie
“OhMyGosh, a new pony! You must be new because I know everypony in Ponyville, and if I don’t know you then you must be new, and if you’re new then that means you need a PARTY!”
Pinkie was already jumping up and down with excitement; I needed to stop this now! Otherwise I could end up exposed very quickly.
But how to diffuse the situation?
“I’m sorry,” I replied, my mind already working in overdrive to get myself out of the predicament. “I don’t live here; I’m just seeing someone for the day.”
That might work.
“Who are you seeing, because nopony lives in that house? At least nopony I know and I know everypony in Ponyville!” countered Pinkie, as bubbly as ever.
Crap, lying will likely just get me caught up in something later, at the very least I can delay the inevitable.
“Oh, my friend just moved in here. I’m helping him get his stuff in,” I said, sheepishly, not happy with how the conversation was going to end.
“What’s his name? If he’s new than he deserves a…”
“Party?” I finished
“Yea, so what’s his name? Don’t tell me, I want to guess. Is it…Mph…” I quieted Pinkie with gentle hoof, placed over her mouth. I needed to get out of this conversation before I said something cover blowing.
“He really doesn’t like other ponies talking about him,” I said. “But tell you what; I’ll convince him to go to an introduction party this Friday, but no earlier. Understand?” A small nod of her head told me she understood. I took my hoof off of her mouth slowly, carefully watching her, incase I should need to put it back again, she was good.
“Friday,” I said slowly, repeating myself to insure no confusion on the pink mare’s part.
“Not a day before or after. Where will it be, who should I bring, there’s so much to plan?” She asked, already wearing a huge grin on her face, surely planning the festivities in her head.
“Do whatever you want.” I answered, immediately regretting the decision.
This party will be insane.
Pinkies eyes seemed to dilate as she processed this new piece of information.
“What. Ever. I. Want?” she asked slowly.
Well, it’s too late to back out now.
“Just don’t get too crazy with it,” was all I could manage. What happened next was nothing less than physics breaking. Pinkie jumped in the air and literally hovered as confetti exploded around her and she screamed with joy.
“Yeah! This is going to be the best party ever! Everypony will be invited and there will be lots of games and music and…mph…” once again I needed to silence Pinkie, but the damage was already done, I felt a slight headache building in my temples.
“You better go get those supplies,” I suggested lightly, hoping she’d get the message.
“Oh, you’re so right! I better get ready right now!” the pink Earth pony replied. Probably not really getting the hint but rather just seeing it as sage advice, I personally didn’t care.
“Good,” I replied “I’m going inside now, goodbye.”
“Bye!” Pinkie shouted, hopping away, I could hear her discussing the details with herself as she left, “Oh, there’s so much to do! I need steamers and cake and music and balloons. I love balloons!”
I smiled slowly, shaking my head as she turned the corner, I would have to go to a party, but at least it was on my terms. I returned my attention to the door of my new home. I levitated the key out from some tangles in my fur. While it wasn’t quite the same, magic could nearly replace all of my hands old functions.
I really need a satchel. I thought begrudgingly as I opened the door. Though the floor plan looked spacious on the blueprints Mayor Mare showed me I still expected the house to be quite bare.
After all, nopony has lived here for quite some time.
My headache already fading, I unlocked and opened the door, flicking on the lights with a quick flip of my magic. Bracing myself for the worst, I took absolute delight in finding a wonderful surprise. The foyer was generously decorated, two comfortable looking cream-colored sofas flanked a stylish glass coffee table. A roaring fireplace was inside the far wall, taking the chill out of the stale air.
This kind of reminds of my house, it’s a little more modern though. I thought, reminiscing on my few good memories. Things like Christmas Day, the presents, the baking, my Dad lighting the fire, before putting it out so “Santa” could get down.
Yeah, I always liked lighting the fire. Wait… if the fireplace is going, then somepony had to light it. Someone has been here recently, very recently.
Though I was a bit startled by my find I trudged on, hoping the answer to my mysterious visitor would reveal itself during the tour. Also I didn’t want the good memories to end. I went into the kitchen next, it was sleek and modern, with a fridge and a dishwasher, crystal drinking glasses were lined on one shelf while ornate plates rested on another. Though the china was nice it didn’t have much meaning behind it, unlike the plates I had owned back home, each one celebrating a special occasion. I found myself getting very homesick. I tried to chide myself for it, but I couldn’t help the feeling that was growing in my gut.
Maybe I’ll feel better seeing the rest of the house.
I checked some of the other rooms, slowly forgetting the queasy feeling pooled in my stomach. The rooms that followed were similar to the first two, containing all the comforts one might want, while maintaining a wonderful charm. Eventually, I came to the last room, the master suite.
My room.
I opened the door; it was luxurious, even compared to the rest of the house. The bed was large; I walked up to it and pushed gently on the mattress.
It feels like someone took a door, put a sheet over it and called it a mattress, perfect. Kind of reminds me of my bed from home…
With a flash, a mental image of my room appeared before my eyes, along with all the memories attached. Though significantly larger than my old room I found the master suite constricting all of a sudden. I quickly shook my head, attempting to escape all the negative thoughts that were appearing in my head. I managed to shove them aside as I explored the rest of the room.
I trotted around the perimeter of the room. The bed had a nightstand on either side of and a trunk was placed at its foot, there were also two doors flanking either side of the room. I chose one at random and looked inside. The left door brought me to a spacious bath, with a shower and a large tub.
A lot more room than I’m used to.
I looked over the rest of the bath approvingly. I was about to leave when I noticed a few beads of water clinging to the walls of the tub.Probably just condensation.
That only left the right door for me to explore. The results were quite pleasant, it was a small study; a mahogany desk dominated the room, and a small Persian style rug rested in behind it; on top sat a comfortable looking chair. The room reminded me of my old study; which had contained an L-shaped desk that wrapped around half the room, which didn’t take much. I found the study to be oddly comforting. Other than the desk the rest of the room contained shelves lined with books of various sizes and colors. I took one of the books off the shelf and regarded it, “Harry Trotter and the Fillyosopher’s Stone”.
That sounds oddly familiar… oh well.
I put the book back as I noticed several drawers below some of the shelves, opening then revealed a multitude of scrolls. That appeared to be everything in the room.
I was about to leave, but I noticed a small brown package sitting on the middle of my new desk. Curiosity was always a weakness of mine; nopony’s perfect, right? I undid the twine bowtie on top of the package and removed the brown wrapping paper. It revealed a pure white box with a simple catch mechanism that held it shut. I pulled the package into my hooves and popped it open. Before I knew what was going on I heard a loud bang and ended up on the floor, a simple note-card fluttered down towards my muzzle. I snatched it out of the air with my magic and flipped it so the text was right-side-up. The message was simple.
“2 to 1 Not Impressed”
Below was a picture of a disappointed Celestia, her magenta eyes giving the camera a sultry look.
Oh, it is ON!
If I had any qualms with pranking a princess before, they were gone now, squashed under a hoof of pride. Then my stomach rumbled.
That kills the moment…
Slightly embarrassed I cleaned the mess Celestia’s “gift” made and set out to find some food.
Maybe a few Sweet Apple Acres apples.
With a plan in mind I galloped to the front door. Only to remember I didn’t have any bits.
O.K., maybe I’m not the fastest horse in the barn, but I’m not slow, right?
Nursing my freshly wounded ego I turned to notice a small burlap sack hanging precariously from a coat rack, right next to a nice looking satchel. I slipped the newfound accessory on as I undid the knot on the sack; it rang softly as it dangled within my magic field. I opened it to find a pool of bits and another note.
“I don’t know what kind of food your kind likes but this should be enough to stave off hunger until your allowance arrives. Eat Healthy.” - Celestia
She thinks of everything doesn’t she?
I’ve had over a thousand years practice, I should hope so. Just when I’d thought I was on my own.
Did you get my gift? Wasn’t it just lovely?
Quite.
By the sounds of it the note I left displayed accurate information, correct?
…
Oh, it appears it did, try to take its advice to heart. I don’t appreciate amateur hour stuff.
This conversation is over.
O.K., bye!
That Alicorn really gets under my fur…skin…whatever…
Only a little worse for wear from my conversation with Celestia, I continued my journey towards the market square. Hoping that Applejack or Big Macintosh were still running the booth. I had spent longer than I thought touring my home and it looked like only an hour of daylight remained. I hurried towards the market, I got there just in time to see Applejack preparing to close up her stall for the evening.
“Excuse me, miss, could I buy a few apples?” I asked trotting towards the orange mare, causing her to break away from her work.
“Sorry, partner. I’m a closing shop fer tonight, but I’ll be here first thing in the mornin’,” she replied, continuing the work that I had interrupted just moments before.
“I’m only in town tonight, and I won’t have time for breakfast in the morning.”
She paused for a moment, as if judging the sincerity of my request.
“I could help you with that cart” I offered.
“Deal,” Applejack replied, sticking her hoof out. I shook it gratefully, and started the task before me. It looked like she was about halfway through and between the two of us, it would only take a moment. Partway through the job Applejack turned to me.
“Yer new here ani’t cha?”
I stopped working.
“Yes, I’m helping my friend move into town,” I replied, immediately returning to the task before me, not wanting to get wrapped up in a long conversation.
“Name’s Applejack” she said, never stopping her work, I was somewhat impressed at how deftly she put the cart away, compared to my slower, sloppier movements.
“Uh…Tom,” I replied.
No way out of this one is there?
“That’s a funny cutie mark, are you a rock farmer?”
“Yes,” I replied curtly.
“Funny, I think that’s the same profession that mah friend Pinkie Pie was in.”
Oh, yeah, Pinkie Pie was a rock farmer, and Rarity’s past also involved rocks, how funny. How many of these mares pasts involve rocks?
“Yes, I think I had the pleasure of meeting her today. Pink mane, balloons for a cutie mark, more energy than what should be ponyly possible?”
“Eeyup, that’s Pinkie. She didn’t give ya a hard time did she?”
“Not too bad. I couldn’t get out of the situation without telling her I’d make my friend go to a welcome party this Friday, though,” I answered. Applejack just chuckled.
“That sure is Pinkie Pie; I’ll make an effort to be there. Anypony that’s good ‘nough ta get you to help ‘em to move in seems like a pony I wanna’ meet.”
“You hardly know me,” I replied, abashed.
“I get the feelin’ that yer the honest sort, I got a knack fer telling these kind a’ things.”
“Mhhm…” I replied, just realizing that I was finished packing up the cart.
“How many apples did ya want, partner?” Applejack asked, retrieving a doggie bag from within the compacted cart.
“Let’s make it half a dozen,” I replied getting out the bits necessary, I was tempted to use magic, but though I could still use it while in the form of an Earth pony, it would look highly suspicious, and Applejack struck me as a smart mare.
“Much obliged,” she said as I hoofed her the bits, quickly taking my delicious smelling prize.
I never knew apples could smell so good…or have a smell at all for that matter.
“Right back at you,” I replied, the bag in my mouth.
With the dinner crisis solved I trotted back home. After making sure nopony was around I levitated my key in front of me and disengaged the lock. Then I cantered inside and shut the door behind me. It clicked softly. I continued my pace, heading towards the kitchen. Quickly arriving I levitated out a plate and an apple from the bag, storing the rest in the fridge. Using my magic, I wormed inside the apple breaking it apart delicately into several slices. I took a bite. It felt as though I’d never had a real apple before that moment. It was sweet and crisp, it could have been picked that morning. In fact, it probably was picked that morning. I furiously devoured the apple, and had two more before I was satisfied. I quickly rinsed the dish I had used off and stored it in the washer for a more thorough cleaning later.
I walked towards my bedroom, and entered my study. I was looking for a book to read but instead I found a door.
I must have missed this from earlier
I opened it and found a beautiful brick balcony, it faced the golden sunset. The last few rays of its warmth penetrated my coat, protecting me from the mild chill in the air. I stood outside for several minutes, enjoying the expansive view. Eventually, the sun disappeared behind the trees and it was time to turn in. I retreated inside and left my study, reading could wait until tomorrow. I went up to my bed and snuggled in, finally dropping the cloak of “Tom”. When I eventually got cozy I realized very quickly how exhausting the day had been. I closed my peaceful, green, eyes and let the night bring me sweet dreams and better rest than I’d had in a long, long, time.
Chapter 3: How About Lunch?
Wh-Where am I? Oh… right…
When I woke up I was immediately confused as to where I was, it certainly wasn’t my bed, though it did feel remarkably similar. The room I was in was more spacious, it was…in Equestria. I was abruptly filled with a feeling in my gut that could only be sadness, the day before when I had gone through the…thing… I was in a dreamlike state. Subconsciously I had thought yesterday as nothing more than a dream, perhaps I had fallen asleep on the grass. Waking up though, proved otherwise. This place was certainly no dream, I was really a changeling, and I was stuck in Equestria for the foreseeable future. I let out a long sigh, likely the first of many to come, only to start choking on my own breath.
I need to brush my teeth.
With another sigh I threw the soft fleece blankets on top of me to the side and got out of the bed. I threw a glance to a digital clock on my right nightstand. It read 7:00. It was only slightly later than I normally awoke, some habits just don’t change. While I trotted towards the bath my mind was plagued with questions. Specifically, I was wondering what I was going to do with my life. This was, in a way, a second chance. Though I didn’t know how I had screwed up my previous life, this was an opportunity do it over. One that I didn’t deserve, but it was given to me nonetheless, I had no intention of squandering it. This meant that I needed to find some things to do with my life, Celestia’s prophecy weighed heavily into this.
Can Celestia see what I’m doing? It seemed perfectly plausible; after all, she could read my mind and send me messages via telepathy, it only stood to reason she could watch me as well. I was still scrubbing my horn as I looked into the mirror that was hung above my sink. As I stared into my yellow-eyed reflection I couldn’t help but think of using the mirror to return the favor. It always seemed that people, or ponies in this case, would use a mirror to spy. As I mused the thought I accidentally caught the tip of my horn with my loofah, causing a spark of magic to spit out. The spark followed my line-of-sight and struck the middle of the mirror, causing a strange rippling effect. While I wasn’t entirely surprised by this I was caught off guard by the scene within the mirror when it cleared. It was Celestia, she was unaware of my presence, and she appeared to be preparing to bathe… it was rather awkward, to say the least. While I wanted to say something I found my voice stolen and my body frozen. Though I wasn’t familiar with Equestrian law I was rather sure that spying on either of the Royal Sisters was more than a misdemeanor. Since both my mouth and my legs weren’t functioning I did the only thing I could do, watch. Luckily, Celestia quickly realized that she was being observed and turned around, finding an image of a wide-eyed changeling replacing the spot where her mirror used to be. To her credit, she took it quite well.
“Yes…” Celestia spoke, “Do you have a reason for this or is peeping a courtesy where you come from?”
“I-I-I, it was an accident…” I stammered, flustered by the whole situation.
It’s too early in the morning for this…
“As opposed to doing it later?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean then?”
“I…uh…it’s hard to explain…” I stammered, baffled by the Goddess’s infinite calm.
“I’m an immortal Goddess, I have all the time in the world,” she quipped.
I let my third sigh for the day; it appeared that I had no choice but to explain to her how I had accidentally become a ‘peeping tom’. When I was finished with my brief yet uncomfortable explanation, I looked at Celestia, waiting for her response. I was abruptly taken aback when she started to giggle uncontrollably.
What is so funny?
“I just noticed you have a loofah on your head,” Celestia gasped, between heaves of laughter.
My eyes shot up; at the edge of my vision I could clearly see a yellow loofah resting comfortably on my head. I blushed as I brushed it off. This only seemed to make Celestia laugh harder. I thought she would never stop, but a knock at her door abruptly ended the giggling fit.
“Are you alright in there, Princess?” asked the disembodied voice of what I assumed could only be a guard.
“I assure you that I am fine,” replied Celestia in a resigned, yet regal, voice. She clearly didn’t enjoy her privacy being invaded all the time.
“The life of a civil servant, huh?” I sighed, while not to the same scale my previous life wasn’t so different.
“Yes,” Celestia said, returning her attention to me, “the path I tread isn’t a private one, but I love it all the same.”
I was taken aback by the show of trust Celestia was giving me, while I hadn’t been certain before then, I knew at that moment Celestia was and always would be a friend. One I was sure I would need at my darkest hour. During my epiphany, Celestia managed to completely regain her composure and spoke up again.
“All jokes aside, you must be careful; discharging your magic like that can be very dangerous, you’re lucky that something more serious didn’t happen. I would suggest that you seek out my student, Twilight Sparkle, soon, and see if you can get some magical tutoring from her.”
Though the idea of having a tutor didn’t really appeal to me I knew that it was all in my best interests the take her advice to heart. While telekinesis came to me easily enough I knew that I was only scratching the surface of the potential that was within my horn.
“I have some plans for today but, I think I’ll see her tomorrow,” I replied.
Celestia nodded, “Good, I’ll close the portal now, as it appears that you are in the middle of something.” Without any further elaboration, Celestia pointed her horn at the mirror and a spark appeared for a moment before the mirror rippled once more and left nothing but my reflection once it settled.
In the middle of something? Oh…
It took me a moment to realize that I just had an entire conversation with the most powerful pony in all of Equestria in a bathtub. I flushed with embarrassment as I quickly rinsed myself off and dried my body on one of the towels that were on the rack nearby. After I had finished grooming my exterior I started the task of cleaning the rest of my body. While I was brushing my teeth I glanced down at the toothpaste I was using. A blue mare with a blue and white mane was on the cover, she had a brilliant white smile. She seemed familiar somehow; likely I just hadn’t paid enough attention to the show to remember her by name.
By the time I was finished with my morning rituals I had formulated a plan of attack for the day. The most prominent thing I had learned the day before pertained to my physical condition. While I had never considered my physical prowess to be brag-worthy I did cherish the robustness that I had maintained on Earth. It was a robustness that clearly had not translated when I was transported to Equestria. Naturally this conscious incompetence led me to desire my former physique, and I only knew one way to do that…train…hard.
While it had been my off-season many of the workouts and stretches were still fresh in my mind. I knew that it wouldn’t be too long before I could regain some of my lost masculinity. However, what I would do afterwards was what gave me pause. I knew that it was of paramount importance that I befriended the girls as quickly as I could, while Celestia hadn’t given me a specific date it seemed reasonable to assume that I would likely only have a month until whatever evil I was supposed to face showed itself. To me, it seemed like it would be easiest if I could get to know them one at a time. This would take less than a week and hopefully I had that much time, if not, then the best I could hope for would be to win over the majority of them. My dilemma was my indecision on which one to pick first. I knew it would be important to befriend Twilight quickly, considering her leadership role in the group, but I didn’t want to try her first. I wanted to start with someone that I already had met. That narrowed it down to Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack. I was going to see Pinkie at the party I had been forced into that Friday, so I scratched her. I also felt unsure of Applejack, while she seemed the simplest of the ponies to understand she also seemed a bit out of my depth. Fashionistas, on the other hoof, I had a bit of experience with. Also, as I thought about it, Rarity had given me an invitation to see her.
-“I know exactly what you mean! I would love to design a piece for your friend, eh, what’s his name?”-
I grinned, it made perfect sense.
Rarity will make an excellent test pony for my social skills!
With a plan for the day in mind I trotted down the stairwell, marveling at its simple, yet elegant design, and made breakfast. And by ‘made breakfast’ I mean I ate two more apples. Though they were tasty I was dismayed by how quickly my food was going. On my way to the door I quickly glanced at the bits I had remaining, they hardly seemed diminished. Unless I took Spike out for an all-you-can-eat gem buffet, I would be fine. I slipped on my satchel and threw some of the bits in one of its compartments. The weight would help me in my training. I almost stepped out of the door before I realized that I still looked like a changeling. I seemed to forget that fact a lot. While I had enjoyed my time as “Tom”, I had told Applejack he left town; that scratched him off as a potential body. The only other forms I had ever taken were Dr. Hooves and Ezio. The Doctor actually lived in Ponyville so that left me with only one choice, other than making a new personality, but I hadn’t felt up to that level of thinking early in the morning.
My face had turned red and my lungs felt empty by the time I was done with my run. While Ponyville seemed small enough a two full laps must have equated to several miles, not the farthest run I had ever undertaken, but it was good exercise all the same. I had ended my self-inflicted training relatively close to Carousel Boutique but I hesitated to go in for a very simple reason.
I smell…
It seemed that perspiration was a universal fact of life, trans-dimensional fact of life even. While it seemed logical to just go home and bathe again I couldn’t be bothered, so doing what any rational pony would do, I looked for shortcuts.I wonder…
In a moment of brilliance, I had an idea that seemed almost too easy. But, never one not to be adventurous, I did it anyways.
I’ll need some cover…
My needs were satisfied by a small bush that was just to the left of the entrance. After a quick survey of the area I dived into the foliage. I quickly dropped the shroud of Ezio, revealing my changeling nature. Luckily, no one could see me. Faster yet, I slipped back into the skin of the white stallion, the results were just as I had hoped. All the tangles in my fur were gone, replaced by a shiny fresh coat. Better yet the brunt of my smell had also disappeared leaving me with only a faint, very masculine, odor.
Is this really a good idea? What if I say something stupid? What if…
Before I could brood any longer I heard movement within the establishment. There was the tell-tale clopping of hooves on the floor and a jingle of the knob as it yanked the door open. Now able to see inside I found a white unicorn with sapphire blue eyes staring back at me warily, before almost immediately putting on a huge grin and trotting over.
“I was told by a very good friend of mine that you might have some fine wares here. I see I am not in the wrong place.” I said smoothly, walking closer to her.
“Oh! Aren’t you a flatterer!” she replied, blushing, “Who is this friend of yours?”
“I believe you met him yesterday, Tom is his name, wonderful fellow, a little quiet, but a good heart.” I answered, standing only a few feet in front of her now.
“So you must be the new pony in town,” the white unicorn deduced, “How are you enjoying Ponyville so far?”
“Actually, I just came to see my friend and to make sure that everything went well. But after seeing all these fine raiments I think I’ll have to find the time to come here more often.”
My speech invoked a blush out of the mare; I just kept rolling with it.
“Tell me,” I asked, “is every mare in town as talented and lovely as you?”
Her entire face glowed with appreciation; she giggled for several moments before she could start talking again.
“Is every stallion where you’re from as flirtatious and complimentary?”
Apparently Ezio was bad at being subtle, ironic for an assassin; she didn’t seem to mind, though.
“I am wounded, Lady Rarity.” I replied, holding my left-forward hoof to my chest for dramatic effect, “You shoot me down so effortlessly, certainly I am worth more of your consideration?”
This got another laugh out of the seamstress.
“You’re right, how rude of me, let us try again! Well good sir, I am flattered, would you like me to take your measurements and see if we can’t fit you with something? Though if I may ask, why are you here? I had expected the new pony in town to show up, who’s name I still do not know!” Rarity said in a bit of a huff. Clearly she liked being in the know.
“I’m sorry, but he has something special planned for his introduction this Friday, I wouldn’t be a very good friend to spoil that for him. As to why I’m here well, it’s very simple. He knew that I am a bigger patron to the arts than he is, so he thought I’d get more enjoyment out of coming here than he would.” I answered. She seemed somewhat satisfied, enough that she didn’t press for more details on the subject.
“A patron to the arts, you say? What line of work are you in? I can’t say I’ve ever seen a cutie mark quite like that.” Rarity asked, glancing over at my cutie mark, the Assassin’s Creed logo.
“It signifies my ability to hide in a crowd,” I explained, “my work deals in secrets and disguises, and hence I like clothes.”
“Are you telling me that you’re a spy?” she asked, slightly taken aback. I chuckled at this.
“No, I’m not a spy, just someone that observes his surroundings exceptionally well.”
“That sounds an awful lot like spying,” Rarity observed.
“From what I hear, spies aren’t allowed to go around and tell people they’re spies, isn’t that interesting,” I asked. She seemed to get the hint.
“Indeed it is, I believe before we got into this conversation I was about to take your measurements, was I not?”
“I believe so,” I answered back, “Let us not waste anymore time then.”
“I’ll just get my tape measure,” Rarity chirped back cheerfully.
With a bounce in her step Rarity trotted towards one of her many shelves and bent over to look for the tape-measure. This action flaunted, to say the least, her flank. While part of me was willing to say nothing, the Ezio in me couldn’t help but make a snide comment.
“Please, take your time. This place comes with an excellent view.”
Her head hit the shelf directly above the one she was in. Slightly dazed and with a tape measure in her mouth Rarity glared daggers at me, but I could see a blush on her cheeks. The anger was but a ruse. Trotting back towards me Rarity exchanged the tape measure from her mouth to her magic, holding it just a few inches from her face.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” she mumbled as she pulled out a measure of the tape and proceeded to check the various lengths of my body, taking notes all the while. It was a little less than thirty minutes until she was done. Several times I attempted to reinitiate to conversation but each time I was met with icy silence. After she was done she floated the tape measure to its proper spot and turned around, as she trotted away she finally said something.
“I’m finished with you.” The way she spoke left no room for argument, at least, for the average pony.
“I fear I have wronged you, my lady,” I said.
Rarity didn’t say anything in return but she did stop moving, and her ears perked up, that was enough for me.
“Let me right this by buying you lunch, we could discuss the details of my ensemble there,” I suggested.
At that she slowly turned. When she faced me she cleared her throat and said, “You know, you have a lot of nerve, coming into my store and commenting on me like I’m some sort of emotionless sack, and to top it all off you think you can buy my with a stupid lunch date. What do you have to say for yourself?”
My ears flattened against my skull as I had no response at first. While I hadn’t known exactly what she was thinking her reaction startled me. It was only a harmless piece of flattery. I stared at her blankly, desperately thinking of a rebuttal that would land me in her good graces. Her stare was penetrating, I shrunk back in fear. Her eyes were locked in on mine until they abruptly widened and she stepped back, I was completely baffled as what I had done to startle her so, until she spoke.
“Did your eyes just change color?”
Suddenly everything made sense, my panic had changed my eye color, she must have noticed. It would make sense that a seamstress would have an eye for eyes. After all it would be important she’d use colors that wouldn’t clash. During my moment of clairvoyance I had another idea; I could use this momentum to get off of Rarity’s shit list, but I would have to act fast and smart. Luckily, I was both those things.
“Yes,” I replied deliberately, choosing each word carefully. I stared deeply into her eyes, they were locked onto mine, scrutinizing every detail. I blinked again, I must have been calming down because her eyes widened again, just out of sync. I found this rather funny. In all my years of existence I had never needed to use my eyes to win anyone over.
I guess ponies are a bit touchier.
“Have you always been like that?” she asked after sometime.
“Yes,” I replied again.
“Do you know why?”
What is this? 20 Questions?
“I can’t tell you how I got this....” I momentarily paused, unsure of what label my eyes deserved; I found it odd how little thought I had given such a unique gift…gift…it seemed to fit well enough, “…this gift. All I can tell you is that it seems dependant on emotion.”
Slap!
A quick right-hoof slapped me against the cheek, a rush of adrenaline shot through my veins as I tensed unconsciously, preparing to strike back. I quickly realized that it was only Rarity, and as such I just stood there, mouth agape with shock. It irked me that she had a satisfied grin on her face. Utterly confused I could only ask,
“What was that for?”
Her immediate response was a small snicker but she quickly regained her usual lady-like grace and replied,
“Multiple reasons actually: one, revenge,” she flashed me a knowing, if somewhat evil, smile. My ears drooped a little more; I had earned that slap in all honesty. “Second, I wanted to see if your eyes really did work as you said, judging by the red in them I’d say it’s true, amazingly enough.”
“Well, I hope you’re satisfied,” I quipped back.
“Beyond your wildest dreams,” she replied in turn.
Is that a come on? ... Get your mind out of the gutter, no wonder she slapped me…
“So…” I ask casually, scratching my mane with my forward-right hoof, “Do you still want to get lunch or should I just go?”
“I don’t think I ever said I wanted to go to lunch with you,” Rarity answered.
“Well then, would you like to go to lunch?”
“Sure! Why not?”
“I don’t take no for a… wait, really?” I asked, stunned at her change in tune.
“Would I lie to you?” she asked, returning my question with another.
“I’d hope not.”
“Well I may not be the ‘Element of Honesty’ but a lady keeps her word, if I tell you I’m willing to suffer you presence for a lunch date then I mean it.”
“Lunch date, hmm…” I replied, enjoying how cute she looked when she scrunched her face.
“A poor choice of words, don’t even think for a second that I actually harbor any feelings for you.”
“Yet?” I added, in a hopeful, yet playful, tone.
“I guess we’ll just have to find out later, won’t we,” Rarity replied. She trotted past me, her mane lightly brushing against my coat; I couldn’t tell whether or not it was accidental. Before I could consider the thought any longer she turned her head to me and said, “If you’re going to take me out we’re at least going to go to my restaurant of choice, seem fair?” The question didn’t leave any room for argument, even for Ezio.
“Fine by me,” I replied honestly, “I don’t know this town very well anyways.”
“Oh, right, just here for a friend.”
“And maybe a marefriend…”
“Don’t push it.”
“As the lady requests.”
Without another word Rarity continued towards the door whisking it open with a flick of her magic, I followed, hoping that her taste in cuisine was compatible to my own.
________________________________________
It wasn’t long until we arrived at Rarity’s place of choice; I looked up at the sign, it read “Manehatten Café”.
“The Manehatten Café, huh?” I said, looking over at Rarity, who was looking at me for the first time since she had left the boutique.
“What? They have a good salad.”
Of course they do…
“I’ll keep an open mind…”
“I would hope so, for your sake.”
With that comment Rarity turned back around and entered the establishment. Apparently she was well known there because we got seats with a view, and quite quickly at that. While I appreciated this it put lead weight in my gut. Any place that is willing to give “special treatment” was usually quite expensive, at least in my past experience.
“Is this really so bad that you feel the need to drown yourself before they even take our order?”
I stifled a laugh before I could answer.
“No, I’m just a little thirsty. I went for a light jog earlier today and I just realized how dehydrated I was, that’s all.”
“Oh, and what do you consider a ‘light jog’?” Rarity asked, genuinely interested.
“Two laps of Ponyville,” I replied, taking another sip of my water.
Rarity’s pupils widened briefly as she took in this new information. Then she did something rather un-Rarity like, she leaned over the table and sniffed me.
“You don’t smell like someone who just took two laps around Ponyville.”
“It’s a gift,” I replied, giving a small shrug.
“Among many, huh,” the white-unicorn replied.
“I suppose.”
Before she could say anything else the waiter, that had lead us to our seats, had trotted over and asked if we were ready to order, before I could respond Rarity replied,
“But of course! I’ll take the honey almond salad.”
Unsure of the cost I quickly flipped through the menu to find it.
Thirty-seven bits, holy shit, that’s a lot of bits!
Though I was pretty sure I had enough money for her salad, I doubted that I had enough to buy myself much of anything, and I was really hungry.
“And for you, sir,” the waiter asked, quill and paper in hoof.
“Hmm? Oh, I’ll take the...” I paused as I flipped through the menu, looking for a dish that wouldn’t break the bank; luckily I managed to find something.
“I’ll take a small bowl of carrot soup, please.”
“Very good, I’ll bring them to you when they’re ready.” With that, the server took our menus, turned and left; presumably to take our orders to the chef. I turned to face Rarity again; she was giving me a strange look.
“You ran around Ponyville, twice, and you’re telling me that you can only muster the appetite to eat a small bowl of carrot soup.” Though she technically made a statement the tone was one of questioning.
I guess I should have seen this coming.
All I could offer was another small shrug, Rarity didn’t seem impressed.
“Do you not have the bits to cover this?” It was a simple question but, I found it surprisingly difficult to answer. Rarity picked up on this and gave me a sympathetic look.
“I probably shouldn’t have taken you somewhere so expensive for a first date, huh?”
“No, it’s fine, I’m pretty sure I have the bits... did you just call this a ‘date’?” I asked, genuinely surprised.
Apparently Rarity hadn’t realized it either because she blinked several times when she heard what I had said.
“I suppose I did,” was all she replied.
The statement caught me off guard. For the brief time that I had known her she seemed rather distant, to say the least. Now, all of a sudden, she couldn’t get enough of me!I guess Ezio is just that good with the ladies...
“So does this...” I was going to ask Rarity if this meant we were dating but I was interrupted by the waiter, food in hoof.Shit, these guys work fast.
I could have sworn that it had been less than a minute since he had first left to deliver our orders, perhaps I was just mistaken. Regardless, our waiter set down our respected dishes and bid us farewell, leaving us to each other once more.
“You were saying something?” Rarity asked as she took out a small salad fork. This in itself was surprising; though I hadn’t been intimately familiar with the formalities of the show I hadn’t seen the use of cutlery anywhere. Perhaps it just came with the territory of salads and fine dining.
While I pondered this development I noticed that Rarity was looking at me funny.
Oh, right, she asked me something...
“It was nothing important.”
She didn’t seem convinced. I focused on my soup rather than look at her.
Hell hath no fury like a filly scorned...
Luckily, she seemed to realize that she wasn’t going to get anymore out of me and returned her attention to the salad. If the cute chirping sounds were any indications she was enjoying it as well. We were both silent for a long time, Rarity caught my attention however when she cleared her throat, “Why don’t tell me about yourself?”
Oh, sure! I’m an alien from Earth, how about you, yeah... I think not...
“What do you want to know? I have a lot of interesting characteristics after all,” I replied, playfully, this elected an eye roll from the white unicorn.
“I’m sure you do,” Rarity said, sarcastically, “Why don’t you tell me about how you aren't a spy?”
I chuckled softly.
“Very well, my lady, I shall tell you the best story that never happened,” with that I went off and began describing the plot of Assassin’s Creed Two, of course I had to tone it down a bit since Equestria was a primarily peaceful nation. I only told her about growing up in a small Istallion town and how my family was wrongly accused, but not executed; that would likely have given her a heart attack. By the time I was done we had been there some time and our food was long gone but neither of us seemed to care.
“That was... amazing,” was all her reply was.
Aww... Ubisoft would be proud.
“Quite the tale is it not?”
“Are you implying that this wasn’t true?”
“I’m not implying anything, except that the staff here seems to be very displeased that we’re still sitting down.” I said looking over a frowning stallion, staring at us.
I suppose this would be a desirable table after all.
“Hmm, it appears you’re right, I suggest we leave now.”
“Sounds like a plan, man I love it when those things come together.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
With that I waved a waiter over and asked for the check, it was only a moment until it was brought to us, apparently they wanted us out quick. I thanked him for his service and looked at the total. It was forty-five bits, plus tip. Casually I flipped my satchel open and started counting out bits, the pile seemed to disappear quickly though, much to my dismay.
“43, 44, and 45,” I said proudly, a large pile of bits in front of me.
“What about the tip?” Rarity asked, her head off to one side to see around the small mountain.
“Oh, right, the tip,” I said looking into my bag, only to notice that it was empty.
“Oh, right, the tip...”
“You already said that,” commented Rarity, looking at me strangely. Suddenly her eyes sparkled in realization. “You do have enough to cover the tip, right?”
“I, er, I... no” I said, head slumped down, unable to look her in the eye.
“Why didn’t you say something then? I’m not broke, I’ll cover the tip.”
“No, wait, I’ll...” I was in the middle of my defense when she cut me off.
“What are you going to do? If you don’t have enough bits on you, that’s that, I insist that I pay for the tip, I am the ‘Element of Generosity’ after all.”
“That’s very kind of you,”
“Thank you, it’s nothing really, let’s just get out of here.”
With the bill cleared we both left as quickly as ponyly possible to avoid the wrath of the owner.
“Would you like me to walk you home?” I asked, turning towards Rarity.
“Well, it would be rude if you didn’t,” she replied.
“Lead the way then.”
We walked in silence for some time, about halfway to our destination however, Rarity turned to ask me something.
“Did you order the soup so you’d have enough to pay for my salad?”
It was a simple question but, it was another I was too embarrassed to answer, so I just kept walking, Rarity wouldn’t take no for an answer this time though.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
I still remained quiet
“Well, it was very sweet of you,” she said as she pulled me closer. “Well, we’re here, thank you for a wonderful evening,” with that she planted a small, yet tender peck on my cheek. Maybe old me would have settled for that but Ezio was just a little more outgoing. I spun her around as she turned to walk away a kissed her full on the lips. Her eyes widened for a moment but then she melted into it. Eventually, we had to come up for air, and broke apart.
“I don’t usually do this on a first date you know...”
“Well, I don’t usually take much interest in mares...”
“Picky are we?” Rarity asked, her big sapphire eyes lock into my, heterochromatic colored, counterparts.
“Very.”
“Well then, I’m flattered.”
“As you should be.”
This got another laugh out of Rarity.
“Are you always so blunt?”
“Sometimes,” I said, sarcastically. Rarity gave me a playful shove.
“You’re impossible,”
I gave her a cocky grin. Rarity rolled her eyes at me again.
“Well,” I said, looking up at the darkening sky, “I should probably head home.”
“It appears that way...” Rarity replied, with a hint of sadness in her voice.
I chuckled again.
“Goodbye,” I said, giving her a farewell kiss on the cheek. With a final hoof-wave I trotted back home. By the time I arrived it was almost fully dark. I quickly went over to the fridge and opened it, grabbing my last apple, though the soup had been tasty it was also small and I was still hungry. Though the fruit didn’t satisfy me completely it was enough to tide me over until morning.
With my food depleted I trotted upstairs and directly into my study, hoping to find a book to cuddle with for the rest of the night. While I was searching I dropped the cloak of Ezio for the day, worn out from such constant use of magic. After around half an hour of searching I realized something.
None of these books are in English...
I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed this the day before; apparently Celestia had given me the knowledge to read Equestrian, how thoughtful. But, that wasn’t the only thing I discovered.
All these books have an Earth counterpart...
Apparently, authors had similar ideas between the two dimensions because many of the books I had found I had also already read. With my final sigh for that day, I finally headed towards my bed, thinking upon all the day’s activities.
Rarity seems to take a liking to me, or Ezio. But that isn’t important; I made a friend, a marefriend at that, haven’t I?
Trying to shake off the self doubt I focused on my plans for tomorrow, Twilight Sparkle was the next mare on my list.
Maybe she’ll have some books I’d be interested in, too
With a somewhat pleasant thought in mind, I slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter 4: We Must Science This!
Still a Changeling, still in Equestria.
With a deep sense of resignation, I cast the blankets from my body, freeing me from the temptations of sleep once more.
My morning routine ran similarly to its predecessor, minus one embarrassing situation with Princess Celestia. That is, until I went downstairs.
“Why are you in my house?”
Though I had grown used to Celestia’s company, I had never expected to see her so soon after our first encounter. But, lo and behold, resting by a recently lit fireplace, was a white alicorn.
“What? I brought breakfast…” With a gesture of her hoof, Celestia pointed towards a small creamy white bag, resting on my coffee table.
“It’s still weird to enter someone’s house uninvited.” I replied, as I trotted towards the couch facing opposite hers.
“Technically, I have ownership of this house. That makes you the uninvited guest, if you think about it.”
“Uh huh,” I said, unimpressed.
“Not impressed?” Celestia asked, reading me perfectly, as per usual.
“Must you always psychoanalyze everything?”
“Just you…”
“Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.”
“Nothing to forgive, now how about breakfast?”
With an ache in my stomach that could only be satisfied by food, I leaned towards the bag Celestia had mentioned earlier and held it between my front hooves. I had almost opened it when a memory of another certain gift, packaged in white, came to mind. As a precaution, I tilted the bag in Celestia’s direction right before I opened it.
Thankfully, for my pride’s sake, those fears were not unfounded. A pop, followed by colorful confetti, launched out of the bag and directly towards the utterly surprised Princess. When the small puff of smoke cleared, a very displeased Celestia was all that remained.
“You’re getting better…”
“Yeah…” I said, grabbing the prize, an apple, from the bag and taking a bite out of it, “I guess I’m too good for you.”
“You sure?”
Celestia’s total confidence gave me pause as I swallowed the first bite of fruit.
“What did you…?” I started to say, before really tasting the apple, “You put hot sauce on this, didn’t you?”
The Princess only offered a small shrug.
“This is why I hate mornings…”
“Was it really that bad?”
“Yes, yes it was.”
It took several cups of coffee, complements of the princess, to finally get the wretched burning sensation out of my mouth. I could, however, take some solace in the fact that Celestia had taken almost as long to get all the confetti out of her mane. Though I wasn’t keeping score, I estimated that she was still one prank ahead of me.
And don’t you forget it!
Doesn’t a stallion have the right to privacy in his own head?
Citizens do.
Very funny…
“Can I ask you why you decided to visit my house, without warning?” I asked, ending the mental bickering match.
“You can,” replied Celestia.
“Are we really going to play this game?” I asked.
“Only until it gets boring,” Celestia countered.
“Fine, why are you in my house?”
“To talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Your progress.”
“Uh, huh,” I said, thinking, “and how am I doing?”
“Strangely,” Celestia replied seriously.
Her response took me aback. Though I would agree that the methods that I had employed to introduce myself to Rarity were unusual, I was surprised that she knew. Either Rarity wrote to the Princess or she was spying. It wasn’t hard to figure out which of the two.
“How?” I asked. I hadn’t specified, but Celestia figured out what I had meant easily enough.
“Well…” Celestia started, but as she had not needed specifics I hadn’t needed answers to know what had happened.
Sigh…
“You read my mind in my sleep, didn’t you?” I asked, eyebrows raised in mock surprise
“Saying it like that makes it sound like I did something wrong.”
I merely stared back, an unimpressed look painted on my face.
“How much did you see?” I asked after some time.
“Only yesterday’s events. I promise that I didn’t look at any of your previous life.”
“Oh good, and I was worried that it was getting creepy.” I said, inwardly relieved that my personal information remained to myself.
“Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?” Celestia asked, sarcasm dripping from her own words.
“More than a hint.”
“At least you’re honest.”
“Call me Applejack, then.”
At that the princess laughed. It was a deep, powerful laugh, yet somehow, it retained her regal nature. I liked her laugh; I had only wished I could hear it more often.
“Funny as that was, I believe we’ve gotten off topic, I was talking to you about the day prior, was I not?”
I only nodded, no words necessary.
“Is it customary to date somepony in order to befriend them where you’re from, or is it just you?” The question was rather pointed and I had almost taken offense, but I knew that she was genuinely curious and unsure of the workings of Earth.
“You could say that it was a natural progression,” was my reply.
Celestia stared at me, just as I had at her not long ago, I wanted to tell her more but I was unsure of what had happened, myself. The whole situation was strange and foreign to me. Don’t get me wrong, I had dated back home. But this felt different. Though I liked Rarity and found her the most interesting of all the characters, I didn’t feel like I loved her, certainly not in a way that justified my acts the night before. What I had done was an obvious gesture of interest, and she returned it. It made me feel like I was taking advantage of her; the entire situation drove me to melancholy.
I see…
Oh yeah, mind reading…
I had apparently, as well as inadvertently, shared my innermost feelings with the white alicorn. It had been a lot more information than I had intended to ever share, but rather than angry, I felt closer to Celestia.
I suppose she just has a way with ponies, and people for that matter.
“Well, I’ve heard you out,” Celestia said, driving me out of my thoughts and into her attention, “I’m not going to judge your methods, you certainly seem to understand the consequences of your actions well enough, and, for better or worse, you’re going to have to deal with them. Maybe you should just take it easy today and go see Twilight.” At first, the idea caught me off-guard, not seeming like a typical “taking it easy” activity. However, as she elaborated, the wisdom behind the suggestion shined through.
Celestia’s constant referencing to my “previous life” left a hard ache in my gut. Though at times it was unbearable, there were people I loved dearly, people that had kept me alive without even realizing it. I tried to shake off the feeling of sadness, but it clung to me like a fever. I found myself wishing that Celestia would leave so that I could try to lose myself in the loyal companionship of books, as well as Twilight’s company. Luckily, Celestia picked up on this, more than likely through some peripheral mind reading, and left with just a short goodbye, disappearing in a bright flash. Learning from past mistakes however, I shielded my eyes just before the moment it occurred, leaving me less dazed than I would have been otherwise. Left to my own thoughts once more I set about the task of finding a cover for that day.
Ultimately the inspiration came from a game I could not recall. Though this character stuck in my mind, many of the other larger details had faded away, lost permanently when I had stepped through that…thing…only a few days prior. His own story was not unlike my own, if you take away the talking equines, at least. I closed my eyes, slipping into the comfort of another body once more. Meraeador was his, and now my, name. After all, it isn’t always necessary to add some pony term to a name, no matter how fun it might be.
I trotted towards the mirror that hung nearby, regarding my reflection. With a dull orange coat, a rough and tumble brown mane with a horn matching my coat protruding from its depths, and a cog for a cutie mark, I certainly looked the part.
“Off I go, t-then,” I said, surprised by my stutter. But, as I thought back, Meraeador did have a stutter.
“Guess I’ll j-just have to deal with it.” I said, attempting to grow used to the new attribute. Grabbing my satchel and without any other pressing matters delaying me further, I stepped out my door, ready for the day ahead.
I still need to exercise…
Mentally and physically shaking my head, I turned from the direction of Twilight’s Library and instead went off to get in a morning run.
Two laps and a second bath later, I was facing the door to the Library. I knew it was without merit but I felt incredibly nervous. Twilight was a friendly and personable pony; it was silly to feel scared.
Then why am I so afraid?
I had all but lost my courage; about to leave and try later I turned, completely missing the obstacle below.
Thud!
Well, that’s one way to knock…
Tripping on the unseen root my face had forgotten it wasn’t a hoof and used itself to knock on the door. I discovered that not being in my own body didn’t diminish pain sensors, at that moment.
“We’re open!” said a small, disembodied voice from inside the tree, which I recognized as Spike’s.
“Oh, t-thank you,” I replied, flustered by my lack of coordination, as well as my stutter. I was about to open the door when a different voice, that I recognized as Twilight’s, responded.
“Don’t be rude, Spike, if a pony want us to greet them at the door then we’ll do just that!”
There was a telltale clop on the floor as Twilight walked towards the interior side of the door. I rubbed my aching face all the while, attempting, in vain, to sooth my fur.
This is a really shitty start…
Luckily, I wasn’t able to dwell on this fact too long as it was only a short distance for Twilight to reach to door and swing it open.
“Hi! I’m Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike,” the mare said, gesturing towards the dragon with a wave of the hoof.
“Oh, h-hello there, Twilight Sparkle! I’m looking for a few b-books. This is the library, is it n-not?” I replied, still rubbing the ache in my head away.
If Twilight had noticed my stutter, which any pony with half a brain could, she didn’t give any indication of it. I could tell she was just being polite, however.
“Hey, why do you stutter so much?” Spike asked, completely unaware of the political incorrectness of the question.
“Spike!” Twilight snapped, a cross look on her face, “That’s not nice to ask!”
“It’s fine, T-twilight Sparkle,” I chuckled, amused by the baby dragon’s innocent nature, “if the dragon is curious, then I g-guess I owe it to him to quench that thirst. I k-know I was much the same at his age.”
Twilight gave me a grateful look and proceeded to sit down, motioning for Spike to join her. Apparently she was just as curious as Spike, even if she hadn’t been as obvious about it.
“There r-really isn’t much t-to tell! I’ve had this s-speech impediment for my whole life.” I stammered, unsure of what else to say. I could see Twilight’s ears droop slightly; I knew that I really hadn’t satisfied her curiosity.
Feeling slightly guilty, for whatever reason, I decided to try and perk her up.
“D-do you have any good books? I’m f-fresh out, as it seems.”
If the twinkle in the purple unicorn’s eyes was any indication, I had been successful in my attempt to improve her mood. The joy hadn’t been especially infectious, however. I did feel slightly better though, and that was enough to keep me going.
“Do I?” Twilight asked, pulling me back to reality. “What are you looking for? I have tons of books, what are you interested in?”
Though the questions themselves were obvious, they still managed to catch me off guard. I hadn’t really put much thought into what I had wanted.
“Anything is fine, what do y-you like?” I asked, staring at her curiously.
“Oh, now you’ve done it,” was all Spike managed to get out, before I was plunged in a world of vast and incredibly dull knowledge.
“And that’s just the history section!” Twilight nagged, completely unaware of the unadulterated disinterest directly behind her.
Celestia help me, this mare can talk. I love history as much as the next pony, but this is ridiculous! And she wonders why the library is empty most of the time.
I didn’t literally ask for your help.
Well! Celestia said in an indignant tone. As long as I’m here though I suggest you get her wrapped up, I’ve seen her go on all day about her library. Oh, she also seems to have figured out that you’re not paying attention to her anymore; I guess that would be my cue to leave. Wait! What do you…shit…
As short as my conversation had been, Twilight took even less time to figure out she was being ignored. My re-entry to reality was met with an inquisitive stare, a perplexed frown directly below.
“I’m boring you, aren’t I?” she asked, ears drooping.
“Oh, n-no, no, no, no,” I reassured, “it’s j-just that, as interesting as they sound, I’m not looking for a history b-book,” I continued, giving her a sidelong glance.
“Then what are you looking for?” Twilight immediately asked, perking up again.
“J-just a little casual r-reading, y’see,” I replied, “Do you have anything in the v-vein of A Mane of Thrones?” I asked, genuinely hopeful.
“Sure!”
“Great, why don’t we t-take a look at those, eh?”
I could already see a fresh spark of hope in Twilight’s eyes, perhaps I could salvage the day yet.
“I think I have just the thing down here…” the unicorn said, bending low to reach an ill placed book.
This action had a similar result to when Rarity had done nearly the same the day before. My face flushed red as I looked away. It was unbecoming of a pony to take advantage of a mare like that.
Well, this is awkward…
Thankfully, the moment was brief; as Twilight knew exactly where the book she wanted was, indicating that the library had been reorganized recently.
“Have you read Mareagon? It’s quite goo- are you okay?” Twilight asked, now aware of my distress, though still oblivious as to its origin.
“J-just f-fine, why w-wouldn’t I be?” I replied, just a little too quickly. The intelligent mare that she was, Twilight picked up on this; and the curious mare she was, she pursued it.
“What could possibly be wrong? I just bent down to get the book and, oh,” Twilight said, now aware of the situation.
I averted my eyes from her own, but not before she got a good look at them.
“Hey, weren’t your eyes blue?”
Were they? I suppose that makes sense…
“P-probably,” was all I replied, however.
“Probably? Are you implying that your eyes…change…color?” Twilight asked as yet another answer dawned upon her.
I thought a moment before answering, “I s-suppose I am.”
I’m not sure what I expected when I answered the way I did, but, thinking back, her answer did seem like something she’d say.
“But, that’s not possible, your eyes aren’t possible!” Twilight exclaimed, pointing an accusing hoof at me.
All I could offer was a small shrug; I had no more knowledge concerning my eyes than the next pony, after all.
“There’s only one way to figure this out!” Twilight shouted, looking towards the air.
I subconsciously took a half step backwards, fearful of what she might have planned.
“Come on!” said the joyful unicorn, pulling me by my front hoof towards her basement, “I’ll figure this out, don’t you worry!”
How funny… It’s you that worries me…
“Here, wear this,” Twilight said, handing me a helmet that looked eerily like the one Pinkie had worn so long ago.So the headpiece is attached to…okay, that makes sense; then that gauge measures… that seems about correct; but what about… hmm, interesting…
“An inquisitive s-sort, eh?” I threw back, getting a fevered head nod in return. “Well, I’m a b-bit of an inventor, y’see” I replied, waiting for a response, it was an immediate smaller head nod. “I’ve lived in the same small town for a long time, most ponies didn’t like w-what I did for a living h-however. So I moved into a larger town and actually made a few friends. One of them just recently moved h-here, this is my way of seeing him off, I g-guess.”
Celestia damn it! What is it with these ponies and hitting strangers?
“I just don’t know what went wrong,” Twilight said, double checking all of the machines components.
That line sounds really familiar…
Unfortunately, I wasn’t versed enough in the show’s mythos to identify the original source.
“Maybe I c-could help?” I offered, worried for the lavender unicorn.
“Uh, this is a pretty complicated machine, but you’re welcome to try,” Twilight replied, digging through the core of one of the machines.
Unhooking myself, I trotted the perimeter of the contraption, eyeing all the components and noting their respective locations all the while. On my second pass I started making corrections, changing the location of a plug here and there. Upon moving the last plug a spark jumped from the part that Twilight was in, causing her to squeak and jump behind her stairs. It was quite adorable.
“Are you o-okay?” I asked, leaning over the rail Twilight had jumped moments before. The scene revealed an almost disgruntled looking Twilight, with a singed coat and a mussed mane.
“Peachy,” Twilight replied in a sarcastic tone, staring at her contraption with some degree of malice.
“I think I f-fixed it,” I said tentatively, wary of spontaneous unicorn combustion.
“Really?” asked the purple unicorn, head crooked at an angle.
“Yes, inventor, r-remember?” I said, exchanging Twilights question with one of my own.
“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed, eagerly looking over my work. She bent high and low, rubbing her hoof to her chin, in the most amusing way, all the while. After a brief inspection she motioned for me to retake my place in the chair. I did as she instructed, and before long all was ready for take two.
“Okay!” Twilight said, one hoof on the lever, “let’s see if we can get it working, this time,” with a quick flip the machine was set and my confidence rose as Twilight jumped behind the stairwell once more, only her eyes visible.
Why the hell am I even doing this?
Thinking back, I could not recall the reason I agreed to this terrible idea, as all of the possible outcomes ran through my mind, I realized one thing.
There really is no good way out of this, is there?
A second run through of my options only served to solidify my worries. A very real sense of panic started to flow through me. I made a mental note to “Never Again!” , and I closed my eyes and braced for the worst.
I was in complete darkness, unable to see, for a while there was no sound but a faint buzz in my ear, though eventually that faded, and a different noise could be heard.
“You took a nasty blow there, sorry about that,” said the same voice, slightly closer this time.
“Twilight, what’s going on, you woke me up from my nap-- whoa,” said a new voice from further away.
“When everything started at full power it drew way more energy than I thought it would and it short circuited the whole library, and the helmet he was wearing may have exploded,” the voice, I now identified as Twilight, said.
Exploded! That sounds really bad…
“Is he okay?” asked the voice I assumed was Spike.
“I don’t know, he hasn’t responded yet…” said a distraught Twilight.
“Oh, my h-head…” I whined, finally finding the strength to talk.
“Well, at least his stutter survived,” Spike said.
“Spike!” Twilight scolded.
“Uh, a little h-help here, please?” I asked, feeling slightly nauseous.
“Oh, right! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,” Twilight professed, yanking the death bucket off of my head.
With that horror gone my vision returned. The basement looked a bit scorched, and Twilight’s machine was almost completely destroyed. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.
“I should a-apologize,” I started, getting a curious glance from Twilight, “if I hadn’t gone messing around with your s-stuff, it wouldn’t have done this,” I elaborated, gesturing towards the destruction around us.
“No, it was my fault, I should have calculated for the additional power draw before starting anything, at least you’re okay, right?” she asked, genuine concern in her voice.
“I appear to be in one p-piece, at least,” I replied, looking over myself for any evidence of missing limbs.
“Well, maybe we could try again,” Twilight said, just as one of the larger pieces of shrapnel fell over in a resounding bang, “once I fix things up, maybe.”
I merely shrugged.
“Aw, screw it, I’m going back it sleep,” Spike said, leaving us once more.
Twilight shook her head slowly. “That dragon sleeps too much.”
At that I laughed and asked, “Why d-don’t we go back to book hunting, eh?”
“Oh, right, that was sort of the whole reason you came over here, sorry,” Twilight apologized, offering me her most sheepish grin.
I snickered once more.
“L-let’s just see what’s up there,” I offered, eager to get home and get some rest.
“You wanted something like, A Mane of Thrones, right?” Twilight asked, trotting up the stairs, with me in close pursuit.
I nodded, grabbing my satchel off a nearby coat rack at the same time.
“And you’ve already read Mareagon, right?”
I nodded once more.
“I think I have just the thing…” the unicorn concluded, heading towards one of her many shelves.
After only a moment of searching, she returned, with a book floating nearby.
“Have you read The Horn of Truth series, they’re quite similar?”
I pulled the book out of Twilight’s magic, using my own. The contact between the two gave me a chill up my spine and, if her shudder was any judge, Twilight felt it too.
I flipped the book over once, looking at the synopsis, and the cover. After a moment, I concluded that I had not read anything quite like the series before.
“I’ll take it,” I said merrily.
“Great,” Twilight replied, chipper as ever, “I’ll get Spike to check that out for you, Spike!”
“Coming,” the dragon replied, seemingly miffed about having his nap cut short.
“While he’s taking care of that could I interest you in a cup of tea?”
I almost declined, but even as I was about to say it, an opportunity came to mind.
This would be a good chance to get to know her better…
Considering the amount of time I had spent here I hadn’t gotten very far in my relationship with her. That certainly wouldn’t do.
“You know, that sounds w-wonderful,”
I am a little thirsty, anyways.
“What flavor do you like?” she asked, filling a kettle.
I thought for a moment, “Chamomile, if you h-have it,” I said.
“My favorite!” Twilight chirped back, obviously pleased by the discovery.
With that question out of the way she took the filled kettle, but rather than using the stove, like I would have, she trotted towards her number one assistant and held the kettle over his head. Clearly used to the exercise, Spike rolled his eyes and produced a small burst of dragon fire, bringing the water to a boil within a few seconds.
“Honey?” Twilight asked, pouring the hot water into a pair of mugs.
“Yes, p-please.”
The smell of herbs and honey quickly filled the air, eliciting old memories; for once most of them were pleasant. I must have drifted off because before I knew what was happening the clink of porcelain hitting the table startled me back into existence.
“Thanks.”
“No problem!”
I took a sip of the tea, it was well prepared. We sat in silence for some time, part way through Spike placed the book on the table and left, likely to return to his nap.
“Tell me about y-yourself,” I said after some time.
Twilight seemed rather caught off-guard by that, but nonetheless she was willing to make conversation.
“Well, I like books, magic…”
“Do you do any m-magical research,” I asked, cutting her off slightly; in hopes of learning about Twilight beyond what had been shown through the series.
Again, Twilight seemed surprised, whether it was because of the personal nature or the actual show of care however, I could not determine.
“Well, I tried a new spell a couple days ago.”
A couple days, that’s when I…
“And what was the r-result,” I asked, almost without thinking.
“I’m not sure actually, nothing happened, at least from what I could see, all I could tell you is that I felt very uncomfortable afterwards.”
Is it really this easy?
The answer to my appearance, a botched spell? It didn’t seem possible; I knew I had to go deeper.
”H-how did you start on this spell, if you don’t mind my a-asking?”
I could tell she felt a little torn telling me, so I didn’t press.
“You d-don’t have to talk about it, if you’re not c-comfortable.”
She nodded, sullenly.
“Alright, w-why don’t you tell me about this b-book then,” I offered, sliding the novel closer.
“Sure,” she replied, brightening noticeably.
For a long time we discussed books, I wish I could talk about what was said about The Horn of Truth, but whenever I begin to describe it I get the eerie feeling that doing so would compromise the rest of the story. Why that would be, however, I cannot say.
“It’s late,” Twilight observed, several hours later, looking out the window.
I turned to face the same view as Twilight, it had turned surprisingly dark; we must have talked for longer than I thought. Luckily, as Celestia had mentioned, almost no pony visited anymore.
“S-so it is,” I replied, gathering my things, “I should probably head h-home and get some sleep,”
“Goodnight,” Twilight said, seeing me out into the evening.
Before long I was in the cool night, setting off for home.
“Wait,” said a voice behind me. Twilight trotted over to me, put her muzzle near my ear, and whispered.
“Thank you for a wonderful day, even if I almost killed you,” and with that she placed a small peck on my flushed cheeks.
Needless to say, I was completely unable to reply. With only my legs able to function, I stumbled away. I could hear Twilight giggling behind me as she returned home. She had seen my stumbling, but had taken it in an entirely wrong way.
I couldn’t get home soon enough.
I ripped off my satchel and immediately shed my disguise, heading towards the bathroom. I had never been an especially religious person but that night I tried my hardest to pray to the porcelain god. Thankfully, I had nothing to offer, having not eaten since that morning.
Damn it! Am I good for nothing but leading mares on? If I’m to save Equestria this is one cluster fuck of a start.
A million and more worries ran through my mind as I went downstairs to find something to soothe my turbulent stomach. Lacking food, I settled for a glass of water, I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold down more anyways. More than anything I wanted to find some sort of escape. Using my magic I brought the book out of my satchel, regarding it.
With a hateful thrust I threw it away, anywhere I couldn’t see it.
As a desperate attempt to escape the day I threw myself onto the bed, not even bothering to tuck in properly. I must have been more tired than I had thought because it didn’t take long to drift into the realm of dreams.
But even sleep couldn’t keep the guilt away.
Chapter 5: A Fight in the Forest
Strange visions plagued me that night. They were indescribable in their nature. Not in the sense they were strange, but that they were faint. The feeling was similar to what you might expect someone with short term memory loss to feel. You know you just did something, but can never seem to articulate what. To make matters worse, the memories always seem to lie on the fringes of my mind, hanging just out of reach. The whole experience was almost taunting in nature, as though my subconscious was playing keep away. The clue I was given to indicate my dreams was my waking. In which I shouted "No!" loudly towards my ceiling and notice my sheets were soaked in a cold sweat. I hope to Celestia it was sweat.
Obviously, my slumber wasn't an enjoyable one. I was quite haggard, but I lacked to courage to put my head down in fear that the next nightmare be worse than the last. I violently yanked my blankets aside and rolled out of bed. Literally. And fell on the floor.
"Owwww..."
It was rather pathetic.
"Come on, get up, you can do it," I whispered, trying to get some motivation going. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Despite my lack of motivation I still managed to get my legs working. They hoisted me upright and softly carried me down to the foyer. It was empty. My ears snapped taut at a sound to my right. My head swiveled to attention, but it was only a loose shutter. Shaking my head at the folly of my panic I trotted to the offending window and closed the draft.
Oddly, as I closed the shutter I shivered. But it wasn't from the cold, rather, from unwanted thoughts trying to surface. Knowing in the back of my mind it really wouldn't help I set out to find a box of matches. Not even being sure my home, or even all of Equestria, had matches. Luckily, my search proved fruitful, an unopened box was sitting on top of a pile of papers in my middle drawer. I had almost missed it but I did a second sweep of all the cabinets after a poor first attempt.
With the matches trailing behind me, in the shimmering grasp of my magic, I swiftly made my way to the fireplace. In the place where I wanted a roaring fire there was nothing but a small pile of ash. I hefted a couple of logs from the nearby pile and placed them in the hearth. As I regarded the logs for a second something seemed off.
But what?
After a moment's thought I dismissed the idea, everything looked normal. Focusing on the next task I placed a few smaller twigs next to the logs. Then I pulled a match out and struck it on the designated spot. It didn't catch the first time, but on the second and bright flame came to life on the piece of wood. However, I was clumsy with my hooves and let it slip out of my grasp. The match fell silently to the ground, where the orange light was extinguished by a reactionary stomp. Shaking my head slightly I pulled forth a new match and lit it. First try even! This time it was safely in my magic as the flickering light spread onto the small pieces of wood, eventually catching the logs on fire.
The fireplace itself wasn't anything spectacular. The engineering of it was obviously old. Though I didn't know many specifics I knew that a deep fireplace, while romantic, was actually rather poor at heating a room. A shallow fireplace with sharp angles is the modern standard, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers.
But am I a beggar? It's not like I wanted to be here. Maybe it's more like kidnap victims can't be choosers. Am I a kidnap victim though? Eh, close enough.
Quickly losing interest in the specific wording correlating to my position in life I turned my thoughts out to what I wanted to do that day.
I need a break from all these ponies.
I rubbed my chin in thought as my possibilities emerged.
I could fly somewhere, but I really don't feel like trying to fly. That only leaves things in walking distance. What's close and isolated?
Feeling rather stumped, I looked around the room, as though the answer was present in a piece of furniture.
"Perhaps I am destined to go to the land of Sofa?" I thought out loud.
Meanwhile at the University of Canterlot: Professor of Geography's office.
"Ahhh!"
"What is it Professor?"
"Nothing, I think I just felt a disturbance."
"Another person thinking about a place that blatantly isn't real?
"Probably."
"Idiots."
"Huh, I have the strange feeling I was just insulted, somewhere far away." I said. Making a mental note to kick said person's ass if the opportunity presented itself, I continued to search the room for ideas of places to go. But my eyes fell to the sofa once again; perhaps it was trying to tell me something. But what?
If past experience told me anything, it was that seat cushions are the most useful things in the world when it comes to finding interesting things. Obviously, that's where I looked. The first few cracks came up empty, but tucked between the last cushion and the couch's arm was a crumpled ball of paper. I pulled in open, surprisingly; it was an entire sheet of paper, 7''x11''. On it was a message.
If you're actually so lost as to what to do that you've resorted to looking into a couch's cushions for ideas, even though it's a new couch, not to mention the fact you don't have any items you could've lost in here anyways, then you clearly need some help. Why don't you go to the Everfree Forest? Of course, it's your choice, not that you've got a better idea if you're checking your couch for ideas.
Love, Celestia
I stood dumbly with the note hovering in front of me, not really quite sure how to process what I read.
I think I was just insulted...
And indeed, I had been.
It's tempting not to go to the Everfree forest, just to spite her, but she's right. I don't really have any better ideas.
Feeling more than a little humiliated, I trotted off to the door. As I did so I turned to look at the clock, hanging nearby. It read 6:15. As I shifted my gaze back to the door, the mirror next to it caught my eye. I focused on it, it seemed important, but I couldn't recall the reason. Then I noticed the mirrors contents.
"Oh" I gasped aloud, realizing the near folly of my actions. "I almost forgot to change. But who to pick?"
It took a few minutes of mental debate, but ultimately I figured out just the right character, I wanted someone who would be well acquainted with forested environments, and had a deal of knowledge of the strange. Even though such traits don't actually come from changing shape, it still made me feel better about the whole experience.
That makes sense, right?
With a somewhat better grasp as to why I enjoy LARPing in the middle Equestria I closed my eyes. Why I actually bother to close my eye is hard to explain. Perhaps it habit, or some instinctual safeguard. Regardless, I really wasn't interested in discovering what would happen, for all I knew it would cause a slight case of eye melting. Not worth it.
Anyways, my body transformed without issues. My skin grew soft grey fur. The holes permeating my body filled with flesh and blood. My bald scalp and craggy tail grew hair of a stark white. Lastly, a knot of scarred flesh emerged from the new fur on my face, cutting on a slight angle across my left eye.
"Not an unconvincing Geralt, if I do say so myself,” I batted my eyes prettily at the mirror.
I was enjoying the moment a quite a bit.
"Hmmm, I wonder if I can hex Celestia and stop her from constantly dicking with me."
Maybe too much.
In any case, I left, picking a reasonable rate to trot to the forest with. Before too long, I found the edge, but the brush was far too thick to actually get inside the forest. I paralleled the Everfree for what seemed an exceptional distance. I was unable to confirm this, however, since the entirety of the forest looks too similar to distinguish any part from any other. The only indication I had made any progress at all was the mild burning sensation in my legs and the shrinking silhouette of the Ponyville.
After a while, as I was nearing the end of my nerves, I saw something. It looked distinctly tree shaped, though not any tree I was familiar with. I headed towards it, my vigor renewed. But before I got very close I found an entrance to the Everfree forest. A tug inside me said to go back to the tree and check it out, but I overcame the urge. For all I knew it was just a tree, no matter how strange looking.
The forest was as creepy as Ponyville's denizens would lead you to believe. The air was nearly as thick as the flora itself. Each breath felt like my last and the unmaintained terrain wasn't helping. Gnarled rooted stuck out as if they're only goal in life were to trip me. One might have succeeded.
"Ow!"
Maybe.
Geez that smarts! And look at this, not a bandage in sight.
Owning my injuries like a real man, I pressed on. The entire time, despite its tendency to try and hurt me, I was in awe of the surrounding. There were such a wide range of plants unlike anything of Earth. The trees were for the most part similar, though their trunks seemed disproportionately thick for their height, and the bushes were almost identical. But the flowers were everywhere. It must have been spring, as nearly everything was in bloom. The vines were dotted with small white flowers, and the ground had odd bunches of flowers in every shade. This was all accentuated by the sun bleeding through the leaves, dappling the ground with an occasional beam. The atmosphere was surprisingly romantic.
In fact, there was a smell in the air just as unique as the flora about me. It was a complex mixture of many different things: impossible to pick out any one of the bunch. Even more interestingly though, is that the scents blended together extremely well. For an area of the world known for its chaotic nature, it all seemed rather harmonious. Just an observation.
I slowed my pace to a more casual speed, attempting to relax myself. Even with the hostile roots, the Everfree managed to enthrall me. It brought back a lot of good memories, memories of me wandering my own expansive woodlands. They might not have had the sheer beauty of the Everfree, but they made up for that in the safety department.
One memory stood out in particular: I had finally climbed an especially tall tree. The view was truly spectacular, miles and miles of uninterrupted foliage. I stretched out on a sturdy looking branch and was enjoying the fresh air.
I shook my head, there were many things I wanted to do, and reliving old memories was quite low on the list. I was much more interested in exploring the vastness before me, but it seemed fate would have none of that.
"Ahhhhh!" the wind carried the faintest of cries to my ears, perking them reflexively. While a selfish part of me wanted to ignore the plea I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. Turning a new leaf, right?
Following the source, however, proved more difficult than first anticipated. Sound had a tendency to bounce off of the environment, blurring the direction I was trying to follow. But beyond that, my speed was making it difficult to keep good balance. I wasn't giving myself the time I needed to scan the underused trails for hazards. The Everfree was about as close as an inanimate object could come to being passive aggressive.
Slowly, the scattered cries increased in volume. Within minutes I was close enough to make out a few basic details: one, the pony screaming was likely female or at least had an extremely high pitched voice. Two, this pony was running from something capable of some sort of roar.
Whatever it is, it's pissed, and has a bad throat. But what is IT?
My question would be answered in the worst possible way as I stumbled into a small clearing. The unfiltered light, however, temporarily withheld the scene, as my eyes were unadjusted. Once I could actually see the world before me, I almost wished I hadn't come at all, even if my heart told me it was the morally correct choice.
The frightened pony was none other than Fluttershy. Which, looking back, was rather obvious. Who else hangs out in the Everfree? Or screams like a ninny for that matter? But, Fluttershy wasn't the only one present. Across from her was a hulking mass of tooth and claw.
A manticore.
My memory was hazy as to the size reference of the manticore from Episode 1, but this one certainly had to be bigger. Despite the deafening pulse of my heart in my throat, a single lucid thought snuck through.
Shouldn't she be able to quell him? Why is she so scared of an animal... oh
Just as my nerves were recovering another shot of adrenaline pulsed into my system. This particular manticore had a long, but shallow, scratch across his face, traveling over both eyes.
He's blind!
Though perhaps to some the situation would be advantageous I only saw another random element being added to a dangerous cocktail. There were so many high speed thoughts that I might have frozen completely if not for a fresh plea for help from the distraught yellow pegasus.
"Help!" as she dived back into the foliage, and out of sight.
Well, that's one less thing to worry about.
And with that last thought, nothing entered my mind but tactical options.
What would Geralt do?
Sort of.
How sharp are manticore claws anyways?
Okay, none at all, but what reason would I have for knowing tactical maneuvers.
"Hey over here, I'm much tastier than that other pony," I shouted, shifting the manticore's attention.
The manticore turned his head, locking his milky white eyes upon me.
"Oh, I probably should have thought this out, huh?"
The manticore kindly replied by taking a swing at my head. Thankfully I ducked, nearly wetting myself from the sound of air rushing just above my oh-so delicate skull. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or maybe years of playing fighting games, but in a flash everything became clear. Still crouched I pulled out of the manticore's reach, only to quickly dodge to the side: an attempt to flank the massive animal.
Though the animal had no vision, it clearly had very acute hearing, as it turned towards me with speed I hadn't anticipated. I also hadn't anticipated the manticore's paw to still be distended. I'm fairly certain I heard a rib crack as my body ragdolled into a tree, which conveniently stopped my impromptu flying session.
"No, get up, keep going!" a distant voice yelled, though it was hard to hear, having been drowned out by the roaring in my ears, both real and imaginary.
Move!
And my body obeyed, just in time to let the tree take one for the team; he kind of cracked under the pressure though. At least he gave the manticore a couple of splinters.
Treeson, your memory will be honored.
Mentally noting to get some acorns from that tree later, I cast my glance to the rest of the area, hoping to chance upon an environmental weapon. Sword trees would have been helpful, but I guess those would have to be invented first. Oh, well. I was lucky enough to spot a large stick though, but it was so far away.
If only I could reach further, if only...
"My horn!"
With a flash of magic the stick was animated in my shimmering grasp. I gave the manticore a whap on the nose.
"Take that you ruffian!" I said, fully aware of the unoriginality behind it.
Now it was clear the manticore was confused. It turned from me to where the stick hit it, unsure of what to do.
My brow furrowed in thought. This seemed like a useful development, but how to exploit it? I repeatedly tapped the manticore with my stick, drawing my in circles around me, but still being cautious of letting the stick stay close for too long.
Well, it's occupied, for now, but I really need to drive it away if I want to find Fluttershy, she could be hurt for all I know... or worse. Hey, can't think that way. Got to stay positive.
Pushing such morbid thoughts from mind, I returned my attention to the life threatening issue still circling me.
Should probably take care of this first.
Seeing as it worked so well the last time, I looked around. Oddly, there were just a lot more sticks around, why that would be, however, is a secret no one will ever crack. Without a doubt.
Anyways, I levitated the sticks, just as with the first, and started beating on the manticore from all directions.
"Wow, this is surprisingly easy, and here I was thinking there would be some big challenge or something," I said, totally not tempting fate like a dumbass or anything. Was I? No, couldn't have, well, maybe. But that's beside the point.
Suddenly, and completely unexpectedly, the manticore lurched and managed to chomp down on a stick before I could react.
"Shit!" I exclaimed, stamping an angry hoof at the dirt in wrath. My eyes then widened, realizing my mistake. Two milky eyes stared me down as the beast’s entire body shifted. Flesh rippling as he turned 90 degrees in an attempt to run me down. A very effective one I might add. He bore down on me, daggers jutting from his paws and mouth. I froze in horror, staring thoughtlessly at my own death. As the end flowed towards me I saw something, glittering in the otherwise vacant space of the manticore's eye. It was me. Somehow seeing my grotesque reflection made me realize I did want to keep living, and I knew just what to do.
I stooped low, avoiding the whoosh of furious death about me, and slid myself forward, safely slipping between the manticore's haunches. I got up, and immediately felt light headed, perhaps the adrenaline was fading. Regardless, I got to my legs working and ran as fast as I could... only to collide with something soft and warm. It was several moments until I realized I had run straight into the manticore! I tried to turn and flee into the other direction, but my horn had actually sunk deep into its flesh. The manticore howled with a mixture of pain and anger as he struggled to reach around to swipe at me, let's just say manticores aren't flexible. Eventually a good amount of wiggling managed to get my horn uncorked, which released a torrent of blood. I must have been quite the sight, head to hooves soaked in blood, a mad look in my eyes.
Uh, geez, there's blood everywhere! Nothing can survive this kind of blood loss...right?
I backed up to a safe distance as I assessed the scene in front of me. The manticore's body was crumpled in a growing pool of crimson. The hole my horn left centered perfectly in its back, it didn't take a doctor to figure out I broke the poor thing's spine.
With the adrenaline of the moment well and truly gone I began to feel the weariness of all the day's efforts. All that really interested me at that moment was collapsing to the ground and taking nap. But something sprung to mind.
"Fluttershy!" I gasped, eyes snapping open. "Hey! You can come out now, miss. There's no danger." I said coaxingly, praying she was still in the area, and conscious.
I listened; statue-like, perking my ears for the slightest disturbance. All I got for my efforts was the sound of the breeze, pushing the branches above too and fro... so enchantingly. I shook my head, this wasn't time for distraction.
Then I heard a squeal to my left. My head rotated until it faced the noise. I cautiously maneuvered towards the supposed source, unwilling to be caught by surprise.
Is this Fluttershy?
It had to be, but I couldn't afford the chance. My pace was tedious until I was close enough to see some pink hair within the confines of a sparse bush. Then I ran over. I stood over her still body, looking for signs of injury. Other than being passed out, and probably having serious emotional trauma, she seemed ok. She was even drooling a little.
"Good thing I don't have a heart condition."
Now how to wake her?
I leaned in close, and prodded her face with a forward hoof. Other than causing her head to loll, not much happened. I leaned in closer, putting my mouth to her ear.
"Time to wake up..." I explained in a soft voice. Still nothing.
Come up, think, man, think!
"Uh, I think I heard an animal in trouble." I saw Fluttershy stir slightly. It wasn't enough, I needed something more relevant to her, a name, a place, things I shouldn't know...
But I do know...
I thought for a long moment about my next action. I didn't like it, but it seemed fate left no alternative.
"Hey, Fluttershy, Angel isn't looking so good."
Her eyes snapped open.
"Angel!"
I almost felt bad. Then she looked at me.
"Ah, killer pony!" still lying on the ground she desperately tried to shuffle away.
"No, it's okay I'm here to help you." I assured, stepping closer.
My words fell on deaf ears, however, as she continued to scoot away. Too bad for her she pinned herself to nearest tree.
"Please, it's okay, just trust me."
Then, something weird happened. Fluttershy's eyes snapped open unleashed the wrath of the stare on me. I couldn't move a single part of my body.
"Leave me alone!" she hollered, as she spun around and kicked me! Who would have thought she'd taken a self-defense class. I might have been surprised if I had still been conscious. Yeah, I got beat up by a mare, within five minutes of killing one of Equestria's most lethal animals.
I woke up some time later with a bruised cheek and a wounded pride. Incredibly, I wasn't lying in the middle of the forest, or in a stomach! In fact, it looked an awful lot like Fluttershy's cottage. I sat up, immediately realizing I had a headache.
"Does everything terrible always have to happen to me?" I wondered aloud.
Yes
Now's not the time, Celestia.
There was some incoherent grumbling, then silence.
"Oh, good, you're awake!" a light voice declared. I turned to see Fluttershy, staring at me with big, soft, non-paralyzing eyes. But it was who was behind her that really caught my eye. He was much taller than Fluttershy, he also looked much sillier. But something tells me Discord revels in his abstract nature.
"Ah, don't kick me!" I pleaded, covering my face with my hooves.
"Kick? Fluttershy, dear, what did you do to this poor man?" Discord asked, though I somehow felt he knew exactly what had transpired.
Fluttershy, however, seemed quite disturbed by the question, and hid herself in the depths of her mane rather than actually respond. I would have felt bad, but she did bring this on herself.
"Well, if you're not going to talk to our guest then why don't you go make some refreshments," Discord said. Fluttershy just made a whimper of sorts and ran past me, avoiding any eye contact.
Discord keenly watched as Fluttershy left the area, as soon as she was gone he flicked his wrist, snapped two fingers, and disappeared in a cloud of dramatic smoke.
"Quite the performance earlier today, hmm?" the Draconequus chided, having appeared behind me.
"You saw that?" I asked reflexively.
"Yes, you fought well, especially considering you've only been a pony for a few days."
My heart stopped, though surely his grin widened.
"Surprised? Don't worry though; I'm not going to meddle with this particular scheme of Celestia's."
Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better...
"How much do you know?" I asked, trying to mask the doubts filling my mind.
"Oh, what don't I know?" he tapped his chin in mock thought. "Your name, actually," he replied in an uncharacteristically somber tone. "Of all the things in your head that's one piece of information I haven't come across."
"And I'd like it to stay that way," I retorted, turning my focus to the ceiling.
"My, such mental fortitude, bravo, good sir," he jeered, even giving a mocking bow.
"Why don't you tell me what you really want to say," I sighed.
"Eh, you're no fun, but I'll tell you anyways," he said, gleeful like a small child. I rolled my eyes. He looked back and forth across the room several times, as though someone really cared about this conversation. Then, very slowly, very dramatically, he waved me closer. I wasn't really in the mood for shenanigans, but I also didn't want any more of my time wasted than necessary. So I indulged the man-child and leaned my ear mere inches from his bearded snout.
"Oh, never mind, it's likely not important."
I contained my frustration, and instead focused on the kitchen, where the quiet din of Fluttershy's rummaging could be heard. The soft sounds quickly soothed my sour mood, and my curiosity started to take control.
"So, Discord, have you been to the human world before?" I asked, not looking in his direction.
"In a sense, yes," he said in the evasive manner I'd expect of him.
"I don't suppose you've seen or heard of a man named John DeLancie, by chance?" I asked, caring not for the integrity of the fourth wall.
"Seen him? I am him!" Discord chirped happily leaning into my field-of-view, but rather than his normal head, he had a normal head. Literary, it was John DeLancie's head on a Draconequus body.
I gave a small yelp of surprise and tumbled back, having been caught completely off guard by this particular joke.
"Oh my, is everyone alright in there?" inquired a familiar voice.
"Just fine, Fluttershy, our guest here just rolled off the couch is all," he grinned maniacally at me.
"Oh! Are you sure he's okay? Maybe I could..." Fluttershy inquired weakly.
"No, no, he's perfectly capable of getting up for himself, you just get the refreshments ready," Discord replied, smooth as silk, looking at me with an expression saying "I got her wrapped around my finger" which he may or may not be right about. Hard to tell for sure.
I muttered a wide array of unsavory things as I got up, and brushed the dust off my fur. Discord seemed very amused, or maybe it was just his normal face.
"So, do you like...live here?" I asked curiously.
"Hmmm?" Discord looked over from a book that had materialized his hand just a moment before, as though I was being a bother. "Oh, yes, I tried living in Canterlot for a while. But things didn't exactly work out as smoothly as Sun Butt had hoped. So I decided to live where I'm more appreciated." Discord then snickered, as if enjoying some past memory.
I opened my mouth to ask for some details, but before a word could escape, he answered.
"Let's just say those Canterlot lame-o's are less tolerant of pranks and more eager to call the guards than the folks here in Ponyville..." Discord, stuck his tongue out and made a face.
I chuckled lightly.
I'll have to ask Sun Butt about that one...
"Did Celestia find any of it funny?"
Discord pondered the question for a moment, tapping his chin in a deliberately cliché manner.
"Having had a job that boring for as long as she's had it, she'd find almost anything funny. Not that she'd ever admit it of course."
He really didn't answer the question, but before I could call him out on it, Fluttershy called out from the kitchen.
"I’m bringing in the tea!"
"Oh, let me help you with that," Discord flashed me an uneven grin and moved to help the timid Pegasus, making a big show out of the affair.
"Thank you Discord, it's so nice having a big strong Draconequus around," she batted her eyes in admiration.
"But of course," with that he took the platter and set it gently on the coffee table.
Curious, I leaned from my seat on the couch and sniffed the tea's aroma.
"Mmm! Is that vanilla I smell?" I asked, happy my favorite variety of tea was prevalent in Equestria.
"Do you like it? I didn't ask, oh, I'm sorry," she cringed. I smiled lightly
"It smells delightful, you have a good sense for herbs."
"I'll have you know I helped," Discord added childishly, putting his lion's paw to his chest.
"Is this fresh picked?" I inquired, impressed.
"Oh, yes! I love picking my tea fresh, ever since I found this wild vanilla just today right before I..." Fluttershy blushed and looked away embarrassed.
"Before we ran into you, and that wretched little beast," Discord said, adding mention to the manticore as though his toe jam was more worrisome. Perhaps it is...
Anyways, during this, Fluttershy mumbled something, squeaking in an indescribably adorable way. I felt a little bad for her, being so shy.
"I'm sorry, did you say something, Fluttershy?" I cocked my head.
More incoherent squeaking ensued.
"I think that was supposed to be a thanks, you know, for saving her from being lunch and whatnot," Discord intervened.
Prick.
For a guy with a sense of humor, he really is dense, isn't he?
"Yes," Fluttershy said simply. Well, she might have said more, not that I could make it out.
"It wasn't a problem,"
"What were you doing in the forest anyway, good sir?" Discord interrupted again.
Insert irritated headshake here.
"I was enjoying the scenery, it was too lovely to pass," I replied.
Fluttershy looked like she wanted to say something but was conflicted. She chewed her lower lip as though it might seep courage into her meek frame. I turned to her and asked,
"Something on your mind?
She seemed quite startled at the question; she blushed vigorously and muttered something else unintelligible. She just couldn't seem to warm up to me! Perhaps it was rude of me, but I just couldn't take it any longer.
"Celestia be damned, speak up!" I immediately regretted my choice of words, but one can hardly take something like that back, can he?
"Look, I didn't mean that, I..." but she was already gone. Run off in a fit of stinging tears. What had I done?
"Oh, now look what you've gone and done!"
I might have believed that Discord was actually upset, but that would require understanding sympathy, wouldn't it?
"Just keep talking..." I idly threatened.
Discord probably had some witty comeback for that, but I had already left. I was out the front door and looked longingly at the path ahead. I could be home before dark still, if I hurried. But something stopped me, like an invisible hand holding my shoulder. I couldn't just leave.
My hooves gained sentience as they took me to behind the cottage searching desperately for the traumatized Pegasus. I didn't have to go far. I was lucky really. She could have flown away as easily as I get out of bed, but she didn't. But I suppose that shouldn't be surprising. She's always had an adversity to flying.
Finding her was child's play. Just follow the sniffling until as it gets louder. Basic. What came next, however, required a bit more than good intentions and a sprinkle of stubbornness. I found her by a pond but a stone's throw from the cottage. She was looking at her reflection, only having it occasionally disturbed by the tears welling up above. It was a pitiable scene, as well as a familiar one.
How many times have I found myself in such a situation? Feeling so sad and dejected all without reason.
Thankfully, I knew what would make it all better, because I also knew what I always wanted to hear.
"Hey, listen," I said lightly, "I know I hurt your feelings, and that doesn't feel very nice, and, well, I'm sorry I did that. I also want to tell you that it wasn't my intention, I let my emotions get the better of, and that was wrong. I don't need a response. You probably want to be left alone. I can find my way back to town just fine."
I turned a left without a thought. Hoping she'd find the courage in herself to overcome her shyness and actually talk to me.
"Wait."
My hopes were not in vain. I turned, smiling, and looked at her with welcome eyes.
"Yes?" I said simply.
"Could you... stay? Just for a while longer," this was a big step for her.
"Of course," I trotted up and sat next to her, "what's on your mind?"
There was a long pause as she tried to find what she wanted to say. I noticed she rubbed her hooves together idly as she thought.
"I'm..." she paused again, "sorry."
I felt an invisible punch to the gut. I always had a soft spot for the shy Pegasus, she resonated with me, and here she was apologizing for nothing. The entirety of the scene truly tugged upon my heart.
How could something ever be so innocent?
Such answers are still lost upon this kindred soul, but this wasn’t the time to reminisce.
“Hey, there’s no reason to be sorry,” I took my hoof under her chin and tilted it to face mine, “there’s no reason to be sad.” I smiled.
“It’s just…” she took a breath, “I’ve been nothing but trouble.”
I laughed slightly, “Really? I find it hard to believe you could be trouble.”
“Oh, but I am. Because of me you had to fight that manticore, you could have been hurt. You could have…” she didn’t have to elaborate for her point to be clear.
“But I didn’t, and besides, it’s only my job.”
Fluttershy gave me a baffled look.
“See this?” I pointed at my cutie mark, “it’s a symbol of my profession.”
“And just what to you do?”
“I hunt monsters.”
“You hurt little woodland creatures?” her eyes widened.
“Not the little ones, just those like our manticore friend: the trouble makers.”
“That sounds,” she paused, “dangerous.”
“It’s not an easy job, but someone has to keep everypony else safe,”
“In that case, I’m glad it’s you,”
I chuckled, “How can you say that, we’ve only just met?”
“I know, but I think I…” she stopped talking and blushed heavily.
“Yes?” I asked leaning closer.
“I…think…you should join me and Discord for dinner!” her words rushed forth in a torrent. I knew she was keeping something to herself, but I decided to play along.
“What a splendid idea, Fluttershy, what’s for tonight?”
“Nothing special, just a fresh flower salad.”
“After a day this strange, that sounds perfect.”
Fluttershy beamed at me as she trotted back to the cottage. I watched her walk back, her hips swinging hypnotically, her tail bounced up and down softly and she carried herself with uncharacteristic grace. I groaned. I was doing it again!
I’m already stringing two mares along; this has already gone too far.
But I ignored myself, because something else inside was contradicting: a voice that was much stronger, and hungrier.
I followed after her.
The dinner itself was simplicity to prepare. Between the two of us—since Discord was nowhere to be found—it was only a matter of me fetching things and Fluttershy turning them into food, well, better tasting food.
It was almost mesmerizing to watch her work. Seeing one normally so shy work with such passionate efficiency. I hadn’t realized hoofs could be such accurate tools. We finished preparing the salads and to no one’s surprise it was at this point Discord happened to reappear. However, it only took a glance at dinner for him to realize there might be better faire elsewhere. So we were alone for the dinner. To be honest, having that extra salad was quite nice; since he wasn’t going to eat it might as well, right?
“Your generosity is only outshone by your culinary prowess, are you sure it’s Rarity who represents Generosity?” I asked, finishing the last daffodil. Fluttershy looked up from her own food.
“Oh, you know Rarity?”
Sure, ignore my compliment.
“It’s more of a friend of a friend situation.” I clarified. A flash of relief sprouted from Fluttershy’s face.
“Oh! You must be a friend of that new pony in town.”
I dipped my head. “Guilty as charged.”
“Rarity told me about another pony she met,” Fluttershy said, her voice trailed off.
“Did she now? And what was it she had to say?” I leaned forward.
“Oh, she was very… interested,”
“Interested? Do you mean she likes this fellow she was talking about?” I asked, grinning ridiculously.
“Well, she talked a lot about him during our weekly spa visit,” a faint blush crept up on her face.
“Fluttershy? Is something bothering you?” I asked, my grin being replaced by a concerned frown.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened and she took a sharp inhale of breath, “No, of course not. Why? Oh dear, I’m bothering you, aren’t I? I’m sorry, I…” her next thought was halted by a gentle hoof on the lips. She looked at me softly.
“You could never be a bother, just tell me what’s the matter, ok?
She nodded. “It’s just when Rarity was talking to me she seemed so happy, happier than I’d ever seen her. I want to be that happy.” With that final testimony the yellow Pegasus’s eyes overflowed with tears and her forehead hit the table as her shoulders started to heave up and down.
I was at a loss for words. But, almost mechanically I got up and started to rub Fluttershy’s back, trying to sooth her like I had done so many times for so many others.
The more things change…
“It’s not so bad, you just got to stay strong, you’ll find someone if you look hard enough,” I reassured, reaching back to times when my own sister had been small and fragile.
Not that she’s that way anymore.
It was a while before Fluttershy was coherent again. There was a lot of baggage with this pony, but when she calmed down and looked at me again her load seemed a little lighter.
“You’re right, there is someone, but I don’t know if they’ll return my feelings,” she said hesitantly.
“You’ll never know if you don’t try,” I said, trying to think of something clever to say. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all,” I quoted.
“Oh, I know you’re right, but it’s so scary, what if he doesn’t like me? What if I say something stupid? Or what if…” she was cut off again by yours truly.
“Fluttershy, there’s a lot of uncertainty in this world, you can’t always know, sometimes the ponies are worth the risk,” I held her eyes to face mine, and I think I saw a moment of true clarity, as though an epiphany had occurred to her.
Indeed it had, as she decided that it would then be appropriate to plant a small kiss on my cheek. I reddened. I was in shocked by my own ignorance. Didn’t I see this coming? How could I let something like this happen? It was cruel, it was manipulative, it was wrong, and it was incredible. To my disgust I loved what was happening, every fiber of my being felt like electricity had supercharged it. I could move a mountain, fight a god, destroy a planet, nothing was out of reach. But as quickly as it had come it had left, though my hooves seemed a little lighter on the ground.
Was my vision always so clear?
I didn’t have time to consider any of what had just happened however. Rather, I had to start talking again, as I had stood in stupor for a good few seconds and Fluttershy was watching me with a growing concern.
“Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?”
I sighed: amused. “Yes, last I checked kisses aren’t lethal.”
One misplaced blink and I might have missed the sparkle in her eyes.
“Does that mean that you…” she was still too timid to finish the thought.
NO! I don’t, I can’t, I’m sorry.
“Yes, yes I do,” I said truthfully. Her eyes lit like stars.
“Really? This is so wonderful!” she said as her wings spread out from behind her. They took her off the ground and she did a little twirl.
I watched happily, as she spun around for a while. Of course, she eventually came down, doing so with a faint blush of embarrassment. But what caught me off guard was the perplexed look she started to give me.
“Did you know your eyes change color?” she asked.
“Uh, yes, I am very much aware of the fact, so there’s no need to hit me for clarification,” I cried, holding my forelegs to cover my prized face.
“Hit you? Oh goodness, why would I ever do something like that?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you would hit me, I just have a history with ponies hitting me when I tell them about the eye thing.”
“Oh, I think I understand,” Fluttershy said, though I think the idea of hitting something without good reason was lost upon her.
“It’s not very important. Hey, what’s the time?” I asked, taking notice of the missing sun.
“Oh my, it is getting late, I guess you need to get home, huh?”
“You could walk me back,” I offered.
“That sounds nice,” Fluttershy agreed.
“Excellent.”
Being outside was a welcome change of pace. The moon was full that night and only a light breeze disturbed the peaceful atmosphere. I wasn’t particularly sure where town was, a fact accentuated by the lack of light. Thankfully, Fluttershy was more than capable of navigating in the dark. She mostly stayed quiet as she led the way. I was both thankful and irritated by this. On one hoof, it gave me time to figure out what the hell I was trying to accomplish, but on the other hoof, I was more content to wallow in how badly I was ruining so many ponies’ lives.
I might have slumped the entire way home in this state if not for a “surprise” visit from everyone’s favorite, and only—but don’t tell him that—draconequus: Discord.
“Hmm, what have we here? A date, perhaps? My, how quant.”
I rolled my eyes and have a sneaking suspicious Fluttershy did as well.
“Actually I was just going home; Fluttershy was kind enough to escort me. It’s terribly dark as can plainly see.” I gestured to the lack of things I could meaningfully gesture to.
“Or perhaps it should be ‘plainly can’t see’, you know, since it’s dark and all,” he laughed at the joke.
That really wasn’t very funny.
My dwindling opinion of Discord’s comedic ability aside, I wanted to go home and think. I wasn’t in the mood for idle chit-chat.
“As funny as that was, I have more important matters to attend to,” I said, betraying my irritation.
“Don’t be that way, certainly you can stop, even if it’s just for a minute,” Fluttershy persuaded.
“If the lady insists,” I replied dramatically, even going so far as to include a small bow.
“Wonderful, you know I feel bad about missing dinner and everything, but I had stuff to do.”
“Stuff?” I pushed.
“Yes, like cleaning up manticore bits and other fun tasks,” Discord said in his least serious voice.
“That reminds me, how did you manage to piss off a blind manticore?” I pressed.
“Somepony thought it would be funny to poke him while he was sleeping,” Fluttershy responded in a very matter-of-fact tone.
“Don’t be that way Fluttershy,” Discord pouted, “how was I to know that blind manticores tend to have poor tempers,”
I shot him an “Are you kidding me?” look.
“Don’t look at me like that you highly judgmental pony you!” Discord said indignantly, crossing his arms and turning his nose up.
Fluttershy, however, also stared at him like he was being an ass. She was justified.
“Discord doesn’t need this, I’ll be in my trailer,” with that he disappeared again.
Fluttershy shook her head.
“Sorry about that, he’s a little immature at times.”
“It’s fine, he was only being annoying, I’ve dealt with worse.”
“Oh, right,” Fluttershy said, a little dejected.
I felt a little bad; maybe insulting Discord had offended her. I placed a friendly foreleg around her shoulders as we sauntered the rest of the way to my house. There was some small talk, but nothing of particular interest. I think she was feeling shy again. Whatever the case, she wished me a good evening and flew off in the night. How she could see anything was beyond me. I also think I heard some happy giggles, but that might have been wind.
That isn’t the important part, however. The real issue was much greater, mainly that I had an addiction for being and idiot and seeming suffered from kleptomania when it came to mares’ hearts.
I paced about for quite some time, muttering so incoherently that the exact words are hard to recall. At some point a bright flash of magic interrupted my thought, thankfully. It was a note from Celestia, there was a flavor of vanilla around it. I didn’t read it, however, rather I ripped it to shreds until the pieces were like fine confetti and the words illegible. I wasn’t interested in anything important.
But the damage was done; I had stopped being frustrated long enough to realize how tired I was. It had been a long day and weary bones need sleep. I trudged up my beloved stairs and somehow managed to pull into bed before falling into a fitful sleep. One that wouldn’t be spent alone.
Author's Note
Sorry about such a long hiatus, you guys deserve better than being in the dark for almost a year. I've made a resolution to be more regular about posting these so hopefully I can produce slightly more regular content from here on out.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the extra long chapter and please, give me so feedback here! I've learned a lot since the last time I wrote a chapter and I'm curious what you think.
Thanks for reading,
~Gwynbleidd
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Why My Protagonist Isn't a Gary Stu: An Essay
(This isn’t story content and you shouldn’t read it unless you’re under the impression that my protagonist is a Gary Stu—meaning a perfect character—this is strictly meant for doubter or people who just like to read my writing. Either way, enjoy!)
Over the past few months I’ve been receiving heavy criticism regarding my work on this particular piece of fiction, the chief concern being the apparent “Gary Stu” like nature of my protagonist. I’d like to take this time to accomplish two things. Firstly, I want to clear up the ambiguous nature of my protagonist and explain my motivation for writing him in such a way. Also, I wish to clear up some common misconceptions that people seem to have concerning this particular trope and how falsely accusing a content creator of writing a Gary Stu is detrimental to FanFiction as a whole.
Let me begin my defense with the simple statement that my character is not a Gary Stu. The primary issue within the criticism I receive is concerned with the opening narration of my story, in which the protagonist describes himself as “living a charmed life” and specifics included come in the form of high academic achievement as well as the holding of a leadership role in both a varsity sport and a club.
Now, I’ll admit this does sound an awful lot like a perfect character, however, that was an intentional decision on my part and not an overeager desire to make my protagonist “cool”. This may seem like an unusual and silly way to introduce a character but it makes much more sense when considering the perspective from which it is told. Since this is a first-person narrative it’s important—and in this case highly necessary—to consider that the character is biased in his telling of events.
Obviously, the protagonist’s achievements are factual but his conscious decision to only include positive events and happenings reflects both his state of mind and his opinion of himself. When reading the opening passage, many readers say to themselves (and sometimes me) “this character is a Gary Stu” when what’s actually taking place in the text is that the protagonist sees himself as a Gary Stu, which not only is completely different, but in my opinion, has a lot of interesting connotations.
What you choose to infer from this author commentary is entirely up to you. Writing as a medium has its greatest strength in its ambiguous nature and it pains me to have to be so blunt about my intentions, but I justify this with the point that many of my potential viewership won’t bother to continue reading after seeing the introduction. There is simply no better way to convey my meaning as clearly as in this essay.
At this point, I’d like to talk more deeply about the specific flaws and short-comings found within the protagonist. If spoilers of the first 5 chapters is a concern, by all means, return to this later or not at all if you feel I’ve proven my point.
In my story the protagonist I’ve built contains a great number of weaknesses. I’d like to highlight just one here. The protagonist, while usually successful in his endeavors, often suffers from serious consequences due to his disturbed mental state.
In chapter 3 the primary conflict lies in the protagonist’s interactions with Rarity. He very nearly fails in his attempts to befriend her but ultimately succeeds, even to the point of initiating a romantic relationship. This trend continues in both chapters 4 and 5, but the key difference is that the protagonist inadvertently starts romantic relations with both Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. Furthermore, it is hinted at in chapter 5 that the protagonist’s mind is not entirely his own. This demonstrates not only a conflict in controlling a situation but also in controlling one’s own thought. Clearly, a so called “perfect character” would be portrayed as so divided by his conflicting thoughts and actions. Whether or not these conflicts are interesting or original is debatable, but so is anything in literature and that is not the point of my essay, so let’s get back on topic.
A Gary Stu isn’t just a perfect character, but rather someone either perfect or powerful enough to never seem challenged by the story they’re within. To illustrate this point, I’d like to provide an outside example of how a more powerful character, arguably perfect, cannot accurately be labeled perfect.
My example is none other than Superman: the quintessential hero, and to some, the quintessential Gary Stu. The character of Superman is about as close to perfect as can be reasonably expected, however, this doesn’t stop him from being an interesting and lasting character in modern culture. This is because Superman is still challenged by the world around him. The villains that Superman faces are nearly as powerful as Superman, at times nearly killing him before he can return the favor. The story remains interesting because it is symbolic of the clashing of ideologies and the fight scenes are far from easy. Superman may be technically perfect but he’s far from uninteresting.
Earlier I stated that the general attitude of readers and their quickness to assume the worst of a writer is a bad thing. Here’s why. If a reader is under the assumption that a character is either a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu they’re likely to not read past that point. In fact, it’s quite common for these individuals to simply “dislike” the story and never think twice about it. This is bad. This presumptuous and antagonistic attitude is one of the biggest issues I have with FanFiction (and FiMFiction). It’s far too often that people who do bother to leave a comment after deciding that a character is a Gary Stu do so in a manner that is highly negative and condescending. This needs to change. Leaving mean and dismissive feedback on someone’s hard work is an incredibly cruel thing to do. Most content creators read as much user feedback as is available, and discovering that a large percentage of it is a direct insult to the creator is not only detrimental to their self-confidence, but the commentary often tends to lack the in-depth criticism needed for a creator to get better. Instead of blindly complaining to authors that their story is terrible, it would be much better to just calmly explain the issues a story has and provide some ideas on how maybe it could be better. Also, read more of a story than the first chapter before passing judgment. By offering just a few minutes of time, a person who has qualms with a piece could be instrumental in helping it, and the author, improve.
I hope I’ve reached some of you in this essay and that maybe I’ve helped to clarify some misconceptions within FanFiction. As always, thank you for reading and feedback would be much appreciated.
Thanks again,
~Gwynbleidd