It was a dark and stormy day in Toronto.
I hope that isn't too cliché, because I’m rolling with it either way.
It just wasn't a pleasant sort of day. And by that, I mean it was dreadful. You know that sort of dreary, gray day where it’s just cold, miserable, and drizzly? That was precisely what greeted my weary eyes when I glanced outside, nose wrinkling disdainfully. Rain was my absolute least favorite kind of weather. Ever since I was a little girl, I've hated rain showers, drizzles, downpours, liquid precipitation of all kinds. I guess you could even go so far as to say that, loathe as I am to admit it…
Rain kinda scares me.
Because reasons. Shut up.
The cluttered surface of my desk didn't help to improve the atmosphere, either. My poor, beleaguered workplace was absolutely drowning in paperwork. Reams upon reams of papers cluttered the desktop, piling nearly high enough to obscure the doorway from my (admittedly) low vantage point.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my job paid well - hell, accounting should have been my dream job, by all rights, what with my peculiar penchant for facts and figures. But, all the same, the routine had frankly grown tedious over the last months, seeing as I functioned more or less as a glorified pencil-pusher, filling out form after form. It was just so unspeakably… dull. That was the only term that could describe it.
You might be wondering at this point why I went into a job in accounts receivable looking for fun and excitement. Of course, the only easy reply is Shut the hell up and let me tell the story.
I glanced about the undecorated, Cold War-era office once again with a sigh as I jotted a few more figures into the boxes on the sheet in front of me. A vacation. That’s what I need. A change of scenery, somewhere nice and tropical. I heard the Turks and Caicos were nice this time of year, but anywhere would do, just so long as it wasn't here.
I wish I could just be someplace else.
At about that time, I became aware of a small movement out of the corner of my eye. A paperclip on my desk rattled out a tinny staccato as it jumped and jittered in place, drawing my notice. Curious, I squinted at the object. That’s odd. I didn't feel the floor shaking at all.
A moment later, the distinctive scent of ozone filled the air around me; my hair nearly stood on end from what I thought was static electricity. As I puzzled over this change in the room’s atmosphere, a shock leapt from the metal on my pen to my hand, causing me to drop the writing utensil in surprise, a frightened yelp escaping me.
Rubbing my hand, I looked around in mute horror as the air around me picked up in a gust, papers and pens whirling about in a twister of insane office supplies. Startled, I let out a shout, but the sound was carried away by the roar of the unnatural winds tearing through my office.
Desperately, I grabbed onto the back of my chair, but it wasn't enough to keep me anchored to the floor. The chair, and I along with it, was lifted aloft, whirling about madly. The flying staplers and notebooks became an indistinct blur of color, blue lightning dancing across my vision. “Urp.” I groaned, trying to stop myself from losing my lunch.
As the winds rose in speed, I felt a peculiar sensation overtake me, as though I was being pulled like taffy, stretching. I shut my eyes and grimaced, only a dull pop reaching my senses as I exited this reality.
While I’m still hurtling between dimensions, I guess it wouldn't hurt to introduce myself.
I’m Emily Martin. I’m a native Torontonian, I’m 24 years old, and I work as an accountant.
And if I survive this ordeal, I have one lesson to impart upon you: Be careful what you wish for.
Day One: An Inauspicious Start
I was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me. Entire worlds tore past me in an endless, dizzying blur of color and shape. I felt myself hurtling over what felt simultaneously like a staggering distance, and no distance at all. There was everything and nothing, light and darkness—
And then I hit the ground.
I’m not sure how much time passed before I was stirred back to consciousness by the sound of voices clamoring around me. Though my eyes were still closed, I noted absently that I was lying on grass instead of the carpet of my office. Sniffing once or twice, I caught a scent of something burning, and, once again, ozone. Come to think of it, the air around me felt a little hot.
The voices rose in volume – a crowd? - sounding like hushed, frightened whispers. What’s all the fuss about…? I wondered wearily. A moment later, I heard the sound of footsteps pit-patting closer as someone, or two someones, approached me.
There came a voice, presumably the person standing next to my half-conscious form. “Oh my… are you all right, miss?”
I let out a woozy groan, flipping over onto my stomach. Lifting my head to regard whoever was speaking, I blinked blearily, vainly trying to bring my vision into focus. “Hwha-…?” I responded eloquently. Turning my gaze downward for a moment, I noted that the blades of grass upon which I was resting were charred black, apparently radiating outward from where I was lying as if flattened by some kind of blast.
Wherever I was, I certainly wasn’t in my office. The wish I’d absently made what seemed like moments ago came back to my mind: I wish I could just be someplace else. “Oh, fuck you, universe,” I grumbled miserably, feeling nauseous. The smell of smoke and ionized air became just a bit too much for me, prompting me to further make an ass of myself by ralfing all over the ground to a chorus of disgusted groans from whoever was crowded around me.
Another, softer voice came from a yellow-and-pink blur, apparently unperturbed by the technicolor yawn and my un-ladylike language. “O-oh dear, I think she’s hurt… Does she seem hurt to you?” Her voice took on an almost panicked, motherly tone towards the end of the sentence as she worried over me.
“I guess she looks a bit ill,” the nearer, purple blob – the first speaker – conceded skeptically. “But given that she's moving and talking, I'd say she's probably fine.” Blinking several more times, my vision finally came into focus. When at last I got a good look at the people surrounding me, I saw that they were...
Horses.
Small. Colorful. Horses.
Shooting upwards with a panicked gasp, I cast an incredulous eye back and forth. The ‘people’ in the crowd, all of them, were little horses – ponies – of just about every shade of pastel color imaginable, crowding around me on all sides. I had to be dreaming, hallucinating, anything!
Looking again to the two inspecting me in search of confirmation, I found that the purple pony nearest to me had what seemed to be a horn atop her head, and the yellow one had a pair of wings. The former was staring at me with owlish curiosity, and the latter in something that looked like concern.
Stunned into silence for a few moments, it took me some time to manage a stammer. “Y-you’re a… pegasus?” I gestured weakly at the pink-maned, yellow pony.
The pair of ponies shared a slightly confused look for a moment before turning back to me. “Umm,” the quiet, yellow one ventured carefully, “aren’t you a pegasus, too?” She pointed a hoof nervously to my side.
“… Buh?” Again eschewing the effort to find something intelligent-sounding to say, I followed the pink-maned pony’s gaze in confusion.
Wings.
Blue fur.
Hooves.
…
Sensory overload. Stack overflow in line 0.
Out loud, I sputtered incoherently, before flopping over and returning to the blissful darkness of unconsciousness.
Being awoken by loud talking was becoming a recurring theme, I noticed. A chorus of several voices bantered back and forth in low tones, exacerbating my pounding headache. I pondered for a moment over the meaning of the peculiar nightmare I’d had, wondering whether I should stop drinking before bedtime –
Before remembering that it was all very real, which elicited a pained groan from me. The ponies surrounding me – it sounded like a lot fewer this time – all hushed, realizing I was awake. A prim-and-proper-sounding accent lined the voice of the first to speak to me directly: “Are you awake, dear?”
I pressed myself back against what felt like a pillow to prop myself up, and, against my better judgement, opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed is that I was now indoors, lying on what felt like a sofa or cot. The room I was in had a sort of homey, lived-in sort of nature to it, and resembled nothing so much as a fairy tale cottage. There were plenty of floral decorations, and creme and green seemed to be the predominant shades present. There was a faint aroma which implied that animals lived here, but not the kind of oppressive stench you’d find in a crazy cat lady’s house.
The next thing I noticed were the six ponies arrayed around me.
The two I’d noticed the first time I woke up were both present. The quieter, yellow one, I now found, had wide, turquoise eyes, and pink hair which fell past her shoulders (such as they were) and partially obscured her face.
… Should I say mane? Whatever.
She looked to be a bit shy of me, but the purple unicorn still had the same curious, probing look as before. Clean-cut, indigo hair framed her face, and something about the way she held herself implied someone who spent more than a little bit of time hunched over a good book.
I reflected for only a moment on the fact that, a universe away from home, I could still find fellow nerds.
The pony who had spoken to me seemed to be the white unicorn to the purple one’s left. I could tell that this was someone who cared meticulously for her appearance. Her purple hair was immaculately coiffed, and expensive-looking makeup was applied to her face, particularly around her eyes. This painted a rather stark contrast to the pony to her own left.
The orange pony fit rather well the image of a stereotypical cowgirl, down to the freckles and Stetson. Blonde hair was tied back in a (snerk) ponytail tossed over one shoulder. She regarded me with a level gaze, as if unsure of what to make of me. It was plain just at first sight that this was a working pony, and that by her muscles, she could probably snap me clean in half if the mood struck her. Putting that unpleasant realization aside, I looked to her side, where hovered a light-blue pegasus, with a dazzling, multi-chromatic mane and tail. There seemed to be more than a bit of suspicion in her eye as she stared me down.
I turned my gaze to the last pony in the group. Where the others were sitting still, the vibrant, pink pony was bouncing around, apparently channeling a bunny rabbit on crack. I barely suppressed a shiver of discomfort up my spine - just from the look in her eyes, I could tell she was planning something for me.
“I guess that means yes,” a raspy voice noted dryly. That would be the blue pegasus.
I blinked, coming back to reality. I’d been so caught up in inspecting my captors – err, hosts – that I’d forgotten that one of them had spoken to me. “… Where am I?”
“Well, Fluttershy and I were walking back from the local bakery when you appeared," the purple unicorn supplied helpfully. "After you fainted, she insisted that we bring you back to her cottage and make sure that you were all right." The yellow pegasus, apparently the Fluttershy in question, seemed to withdraw even further, blushing and hiding her face behind her mane.
Keep it together, Emily. No cuteness-induced heart attacks until I've figured out exactly what this place is. I struggled for a moment to get my train of thought back onto its tracks. "No, I mean... where am I?"
"Oh," the unicorn replied flatly, tapping her chin with... a hoof. Jeepers, this was going to take some getting used to. "Well, this is the town of Ponyville. It's just south of the foothills leading up into Canterlot." She turned back to me with an expectant smile, apparently hoping that her explanation would help me.
I met the purple one's gaze with only a blank stare. 'Ponyville'? 'Canterlot'? Seriously? I kept my thoughts to myself, trying to think of some way to respond to that intelligently.
My thoughts were interrupted as the purple unicorn took note of my confusion, a perplexed look on her face. "You're really not from anywhere around here, are you?"
I blinked a moment, before seizing upon the conveniently-supplied explanation. "Uh, yeah. I guess not." I was silent for a moment, another opportunity presenting itself to me. Any hope that this was all just the inevitable onset of my insanity was fading rapidly - but I was probably just going to be labelled 'crazy' by these ponies if I told the truth, any way.
Oh hey, I'm a giant, hairless ape from another world, take me to your leader. That was bound to go over well. Even if I didn't get thrown in the asylum, I was sure I'd end up on a dissection table, instead.
That in mind, completely ignorant of the monumental amounts of trouble in which my plan would get me, I resolved to play the amnesiac.
"Truth be told," I said, a magnificent imitation of an uncertain tremor in my voice, "I really can't seem to remember much." At this, the group shared pondering looks, clearly buying my explanation. Three years of theatre in high school, I thought proudly, giving myself a mental pat on the back.
"I guess incurring memory loss isn't too surprising, given the circumstances," the bookish-looking mare mused. "The level of magical energy you must have been subjected to might have been enough to kill a non-unicorn. By all rights, you should be a smear in the middle of the mane square!"
... Magic?
"But never mind that," she concluded with a nervous laugh upon seeing the mildly disgusted faces the other ponies were making, trying to defuse the tension her statement had unwittingly created. "We're all grateful that you're in one piece."
"You said a magic spell of some kind brought me here...?" I questioned warily.
The resident magic expert, as she seemed to be, gave a nod of affirmation. "That's right. You created a bit of a spectacle, seeing as you appeared in the middle of the day in a gigantic burst of mana."
"Great," I mumbled. Even if I managed to conceal my true identity, I'd probably still be seen as a freak around town. After a further moment's pondering, a thought occurred to me. "If it was a spell, doesn't that mean that someone cast it?" I suddenly felt a little ill at ease.
"Somepony," the purple pony corrected almost automatically, before continuing on, heedless. "That's correct. A long-distance teleportation spell of that grade would have to be cast by a fairly powerful unicorn. I'm sorry to say, but I have no idea who may be responsible." She gave me a sympathetic glance which did little to assuage my concerns.
"Don't worry!" a pink terror cried after apparating an inch or so from my... muzzle. Her grin was very nearly blinding, and I could have sworn I felt a chill run up my spine. "You can bet we'll find a way to get you back home!"
"And to help recover yer memories," the cowpony chimed in with a warm smile.
The purple unicorn nodded, adding, "I can analyse the magical residue and see if I can back-trace it."
"You'd really do all that for me?" I asked with genuine surprise. There was no way that a group of strange creatures I'd just met could be so selfless.
"But of course," the white unicorn added with a smile. "It's only the hospitable thing to do for a guest a long way from home."
Soon, introductions went around. The yellow, winged pony, as I'd previously deduced, was called Fluttershy - quite apt, I noticed as she tried to avoid eye contact with me. Her blue counterpart identified herself boastfully as Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed 'greatest flier in all of Equestria'. At about this juncture, I began to automatically filter out my mental groans at all the horse puns.
The cowgirl was Applejack, the white-coated one Rarity, and the pink one (who was, frankly, beginning to frighten me with the size of her grin) was Pinkie Pie. The purple unicorn introduced herself last as Twilight Sparkle (here I suppressed another groan), who seemed to take great pride in referring to herself as the prized student of one Princess Celestia, the monarch of this country.
I was caught off-guard by the somewhat inevitable question - "What about you? Can you remember your name?"
"E--" I started, biting my tongue. "Yeah, I suppose I do."
As the group looked on expectantly, I pondered my options. C'mon, Emily. What's the pattern here? Adjective-Noun, Adjective-Noun...
The words came unbidden from my mouth as I seized upon the very first thing to come to mind. "Rainy..." Here I paused. "... Daze?"
What the shit, self?
Unfortunately, the words were out there, and I was stuck being the namesake of my least favorite weather phenomenon. "Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance, Rainy," Twilight said. "I can promise you that until you can go home again, we'll all make you feel welcome here in Ponyville." At this, the other five all gave nods and signs of affirmation - even the previously leery Rainbow Dash, who seemed to have lightened up a little as the conversation went on.
Soon the others departed. It was still early in the afternoon, and they all had their various tasks and jobs to tend to. Fluttershy tentatively agreed to let me stay in her guest room, citing a need to keep my health under surveillance, since I still felt rather faint from my earlier ordeal. Exhausted, I spent the rest of the day in bed, not waking up again until the next morning.
And so ended the first of my many days in Ponyville.
Day Two, Part One: Breakfast at Fluttershy's
I guess having an entire genome realigned tires a girl out, because I had the longest sleep of my life that night. It had still been late in the afternoon when I fell asleep, and, by my estimate as I peered blearily through the window at the side of the bed in Fluttershy's guest room, it was somewhere about eight in the morning. That discerned, I rolled onto my back, lifting a forelimb to examine it. Yep. Still a horse. Dammit. Having finished bemoaning my lot in life, I disentangled myself from the covers. I had all of one hoof set on the floor before I rolled, head over... 'heels'? ... and landed flat on my face. "What the hell...?"
I lifted that forelimb to have a closer look. Oh, didn't I just go over this? Still a horse. As it turns out, quadrupedal locomotion wasn't exactly my expertise. My gracious host had lent me some heavy assistance in getting there the previous night, but now I was on my own, with only my four, treacherous hooves for company.
All right, Emily. Let's take this slowly. I braced the quartet of limbs underneath me, gradually lifting myself to stand on all fours. After a bit of tottering and trying to locate my new center of gravity, I was standing steadily with what felt like a natural stance. So far so good... although as soon as that thought crossed my mind and I began to move, I was back where I started, carefully studying the patterns in the wood floorboards. A minute or two later I had regained my progress, and took my first, precarious step.
Oh! This wasn't so hard, even if it was... really, really weird. But then, what part of this whole experience wasn't? At the very least, having an additional two limbs supporting you when you stand lends you a great deal of stability. My pride took a back seat to another, more unpleasant sensation a moment later when I realized I hadn't had a chance to, well... go since I arrived in this god-forsaken land of ponies. My eyes gravitated to the doorway of the conjoining bathroom - and its wonderfully slippery-looking, tile floor - and then to my brand, spankin' new hooves, which lacked any sort of traction whatsoever.
Welp.
After a lovely ride on the Slip n' Slide, I pulled my bruised flank out of the bathtub, precariously wobbling over to the sink. With my forehooves on the counter to steady myself, I took stock of what was inside the room: the aforementioned bathtub into which I had barreled moments before, the sink over which I was leaning and... no toilet? What the hell kind of a bathroom doesn't have a toilet?!
With a heavy sigh of disgruntlement, I hazarded a glance up at the mirror, turning my attention instead to the first good look I had gotten at my new body.
For those of you who have never looked into a mirror and seen your entire appearance changed utterly, let me just say that it's a pretty discombobulating thing to experience. Like the other ponies I'd seen thus far, I had a far shorter, more expressive face than any earthly equine, with large eyes, a small snout, and a pair of big ears. There, my appearance departed from the six ponies I had met so far. My coat was a blue a few shades darker than that of the rainbow-maned pegasus, and the irises of my eyes had turned a bright lavender. The only similarity to my old self that remained was my mane, at a stretch. It was about the same length and style as before, just messier and of a much lighter hue of yellow. I could only examine myself for so long before getting a bad case of the heeby-jeebies. This was just too weird for me to digest in one sitting.
Well, I certainly wasn't feeling any better than I had when I crashed into the place, but maybe Fluttershy knew somewhere else that I could find a toilet. Only slightly more gracefully than before, I slid out of the bathroom, heaving a sigh (this time of relief) upon reaching the hardwood floor. With an uneasy canter, I reached the hallway, where I was greeted by the faint smell of food sizzling on a skillet, and Fluttershy's voice in musical tones, drifting through the house. I guess I know where to find the kitchen.
The further I moved, the more sure in my movements I became, until my canter became a brisk trot. I couldn't help the proud smile that crossed my face. Hell, as long as I didn't encounter any more impediments like the floor in the bathroom...
As I rounded the corner into the den, I was greeted by an enormous bag of chicken feed, which had fallen over, spilling thousands of tiny, round grains all over the path into the kitchen.
My eye twitched.
Some moments later, my badly bruised blue flank came tumbling into the kitchen. Running a hoof through my mane to scatter the poultry food caught therein, I glanced up to meet the eyes of Fluttershy, who was holding a plate of pancakes out to me expectantly. "You must be starving," she said, voice soft and friendly. "Breakfast?"
