My Little Pony: Pulp Fiction

by Caesar2013

Rating: mature
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Diamond Dogs, Princess Cadance
Length: 1964

A parody of MLP in a Pulp Fiction like scenario. Join the Mane 6 in their little misadventures in Equestria. Not for the faint of heart.

Published 2012-12-20 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-20 19:10:02 UTC

Shining Armor's Wife

"So Shining Armor's going to be out of town tonight." Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, also known as Cadance, said to her friend and sister-in-law, Twilight.

"Well Pinkie is going to have another wild party. We could go there tonight." Replied Twilight to Cadance who was smiling with glee as this would be the first time they had gotten together since the wedding.

"Great Twilight, let's meet at Pinkie's at the evening." Cadence then said goodbye to Twilight and hanged pup the phone. Then she took ages to get ready for the party, having gone though hundreds of clothes set, and applying that right amount of makeup.

After finally finishing up what make up she had to put on, Cadence headed over to Pinkie Pie's place for another party. Inside there was only Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and herself Cadence.

"WOOOO" scream Pinkie Pie very obviously drunk. "Whoopee doo Princess, you made it! Here have a bottle of apple beer." Surprisingly for the princess, she chugs it down. "BLARGP" burbs Cadence in a very unreal way. "Oh Pinkie, you're so silly. In my wild college mare days, I could drink a gallon of this." Pinkie Pie jumps up and down "Yeah here comes the binge drinking contest!"

The ponies in the room gathered to watch Princess Cadence and Pinkie Pie and watched in awe as the two ponies drank gallon after gallon of alcohol. Somehow, Princess Cadence emerges supreme. "Told all you mares I could do it. Back in my day, we'd only drink this stuff to begin the parties. Now we need the harder stuff Pinkie." Pinkie Pie jumped up and down like a crack addict getting his fix. "Oakley Dokily Cadence! You have a deal!"

"Umm Pinkie, where is everyone else?" pondered Twilight wondering why no one else had showed up to another of Pinkie Pie's Parties. "Oh they couldn't make it! But that means more booze for us!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie, Princess Cadence, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash sat around and played a drinking game with the hardest vodka available. The goal of the game was a truth game where someone asked a question, and if they did that, they had to take a sip of alcohol.

"Okay Princess. Have you ever bucked a pony?" asked Twilight to the girls. All mares took a sip. "Okay I'll go next." Said Rainbow Dash. "Have you ever bucked several ponies?" Only Pinkie Pie and Princess Cadence took a sip. "Hmmm" said Pinkie Pie "Have you ever bucked somepony that wasn't a pony?" This time only Princess Cadence took a sip. "Cadence! When? With whom?!" asks Twilight frightened by what Cadence had done. "Oh nothing too much" giggled Cadence very obviously drunk. "Just some griffons, some zebras, a elephant, two dogs, some griffons again, a zebra, and a hippogriff. Celestia was so pissed."

The girls in the room continued their game for some time until Pinkie Pie, had another wild idea. "Hey everypony! Let's try some… PIXIE DUST!" Pixie Dust was an illegal narcotic in Equestria, similar effects of mixing crack and heroin. It's okay I guess. Princess Cadence eyes went up "Hell yeah PONY get me some Pixie Dust!" Twilight tried pulling away her sister-in-law. "Cadence! You are drunk as hell! You should sleep it off before you think of using that stuff." Cadence pushed Twilight out of the way. "What are you, Twilight? My aunt Celestier?" (Princess Cadence was very obviously drunk past the point any mare her age should be, even forgetting her aunt's name.)

Pinkie Pie showed up with the Pixie Dust. "All right girls! Dig in!" Princess Cadence pushed Rainbow Dash out of the way. "It's mine!" screams Cadence as she snorts the entire bag of Pixie Dust. "WOW!' yells Pinkie Pie. "Even I could only snort a small speck of Pixie Dust, and that's enough for me each season!"

Princess Cadence begins to fade away. "Cadence? Are you all right?" Cadence begins making gagging sounds, vomits all over the Cake's newly cleaned floor. "Ohhhh my head." Moans Cadence. Cadence falls backwards, hitting her head on a table. "Cadence!" screams Twilight as she sees Cadence's nose is running a disgusting mixture of blood, and mucus, covering her hair in that disgusting stuff.

"Out of my way Twilight!" yells Rainbow Dash. "Oh sweet Celestia! She's dead!" The ponies in the room go silent, as they realized one of their fellow party mares had died. "Oh, don't worry, I always plan for events like this. Twilight theres a cupboard full of cleaning supplies. Start cleaning this shit!" Twilight moaned at the thought of cleaning vomit and blood off the floor. "Okay, Rainbow Dash help me dispose of the body."

After carrying the body for some time, Rainbow Dash just has to ask Pinkie Pie "Umm Pinkie, this is Fluttershy's house." Pinkie Pie giggled "Serves that bitch right for refusing to go to my party."

Finally, the two ponies and Cadence's carcass had made it to Fluttershy's house. "Okay Rainbow, we'll dump the body in the dumpster, I'll call the police so that way we're off the hook."

The very next day…

"I didn't do anything officer!" cries Fluttershy as she's dragged away. "I told you you! I didn't do anything!" The police pony makes a sickened look on his face. "Yeah right you sick buck. Tell that to the judge. Princess Celestia." Fluttershy passes out at the thought of being punished. Pinkie Pie turns to Rainbow Dash. "At least we're off the hook!"

The dogs

"Uggh my head" said Shining Armor as he woke up from his carriage's wreck. "Oh sweet Celestia!" Shining Armor looked at the state of his carriage. "Cadence is going to kill me!" Shining Armor thought to himself.

"Hey mister are you all right?" somepony said as a bunch of ponies gathered around Shining Armor. "That maniac must've been drunk, because he was speeding like crazy. " Shining Armor looked over at the other driver of the carriage. It was Big Macintosh.

"Mother Bucker!" said Shining Armor as he pulled out a crossbow. He fired and missed hitting several bystanders. "Oh shit!" cried Big Macintosh as he ran for his life. "Get back here you redneck!" Shining Armor yelled as he fired his crossbow again.

Running for cover, Big Macintosh ran inside a random building on the street. "Oh sweet Celestia help me!" A voice calls out "Yes, I am here." A dog walks up to Big Macintsoh. "You got to help me! He's crazy! He's … HERE!" Big Macintosh yelled out as Shining Armor broke through the door with the rage of the hulk and kicked Big Macintosh in the face. "You like that hill billy boy? Huh?!"

Shining Armor continued to beat the living crap out of Big Macintosh, before Celestia pulled out a crossbow of her own. "Drop the weapon fancy colt!." Shining Armor yelled back "This redneck tried to kill me!" The dog walked over to Shining Armor and hit him hard on the head, causing him to pass out.

Many minutes later, Big Macintosh and Shining Armor woke up and looked at eachother. Both of them had been bound to chairs and ball-gagged. "MMM" The dog said to both of them. "You boys just came in time. Rex and I were getting a little frustrated." The two ball gagged ponies looked at the dog wondering what the hell he was going to do to them. "Ah here's Rex now"

A big bull dog comes down the stairs and looks at the two bound and gagged ponies and looks at the other dog. "How come they be all beat up? You know I like them fresh." The first dog says to Rex. "Nah Rex, they beat eachother up, that one" The 1st dog points at Shining Armor. "He was gonna kill the redneck pony. "Is that true boy? Were you gonna shoot him?" Shining Armor managed to utter a 'Buck you!"

"Hmm, Rex who do you want to go with first?" asked the first dog. "Enie.. meani… mini… mo … who's the next pony to be my ho." Rex started point his paw at each of them going over "Enie meani mini mo, whos the next to be my ho?" Rex points his paw at Shining Armor. "Well fancy pants, it's you and us first."

Shining Armor began to kick and squirm as the two dogs dragged him into the next room. All Big Mac could hear was grunts of pain, and the laughter of the two pervert rapist dogs. Struggling with all the strength of a working pony, Big Mac had freed himself of the bonds and gag. Looking around, Big Mac debated whether or not to leave without Shining Armor. But it is a grave sin to allow a married colt to be raped over and over by two perverted dogs.

"Yeah take it all bitch!" The two dogs continued raping Shining Armor who was crying from the pain. Now normally male on male rape only happens in prisons and Penn State, but this was an exception. Two two dogs did not notice as Big Mac sneaked into the room.

"Hey bucker." The 1st dog turned around to see Big Mac with an axe. Before he could do anything, Big Mac brought the axe down on the dog… You know, getting hit with an ax isn't very good for one's health.

"So you buckers like raping colts eh?" Big Macintosh raised the axe towards Rex. Shining Armor had appeared behind Big MAcinstosh. "Get outta the way Big Macintosh." Shining Armor raised his crossbow and fired, nailing the dog's balls to the wall. "OOOOHH!" the dog cries!

"You errkay?" asks Big Mac. "Buck no!" cries Shining Armor. "I just got bucked like a mare. It's about time we teach this bastard a lesson."

The dog was subjected to the most horrible punishments that Equestrians could think of. They'd beat him up every hour of every day each year. In fact, for one day of the year, the dog wasn't beaten up and allowed to rest so that he'd regain his strength. Then for the rest of the year, he'd be beaten up again. However, one day, somepony broke in and beat up the dog, thus preventing the dog from resting, before he finally died. Everyone laughed, though they did not know that Shining Armor started the tradition because he had been raped like a bitch.

Prologue

A little parody I thought up while sitting through yet another calculus class. A little Pulp Fiction by Quinten Taratino, and My little Pony. Personally I don't think this should be in crossover, as this is just MLP in a Pulp Fiction scenario. This is a temporary break from my other fanfiction "PLR: Pony Liberation and Resistance". I'll drop the dark and serious tone for now and begin a lighter, funnier story for now. Also I do not own MLP nor do I own Pulp Fiction.

Prologue…

Inside the Sugarcube corner bakery and new café, sat two ponies of suspicious character (no, they're not black ponies you racist) "Say, this would be a rather nice place to rob." Said one pony to the other. "Just look around, no one would suspect you of robbing a bakery." The other pony looked around for a bit. "I don't know man, this cake is bucking awesome. Then again I left my wallet at home.. so…"

The two ponies pulled out crossbows with oversized clips. Looking around, they jumped out of their seats suddenly, one tripping on a chair and getting a face full of cake and frosting.

Wiping the bits of cake off his face, the first pony yells out."Everyone get the buck down to the floor! This is a bucking robbery"