Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Dinky Hooves
Length: 597174

A little piece of Earth arrives in Equestria, a human and it's home. The citizens of Ponyville and Princess Luna struggle with this newcomer, as it struggles with them.

TVTropes page yay!A human arrives with a house in Ponyville. The Mane Six, and Princess Luna must deal with this new arrival. But not everyone agrees how it should be handled, not everyone agrees on what danger it represents, or the benefit it can be to Equestria.

The inhabitant must also deal with the new rules and conventions of this new world it knows nothing about, as well as the mystery of its appearance, and the incongruities of its arrival.
TVTropes page yay!

Published 2012-12-20 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-13 15:48:01 UTC

2) Settling in Adjustments

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Settling in Adjustments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

'Dear Princess Celestia,' Twilight scratched that out, and began, 'Dear Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,' she put on a new page.

'Today I,' she struggled to admit it, even to herself, 'failed. And only because of the goodwill of my friends, and the understanding of a creature we have never seen before, did this failure not become a disaster.'

She sighed again, and considered the words she would put on paper. 'I assumed I knew what was best, for everyone. But what I saw, what this creature showed me, shows that I had less understanding of it and what shaped it, than a mouse understands magic. If its homeworld is anything like as terrifying and violent as the images it showed, even in the abstract'.

She scratched out violent and replaced it with 'dangerous'.

'Then pressing it, before it fully understands that Equestria is nothing like that, was a mistake that I and'.

She considered the other interloper.

'Pinkie Pie have made, and that every other pony to encounter the creature have worked hard to avoid. Normally, I would strive to correct my mistake. I think I should adopt a more passive tack, and allow others to educate it about the wonders of the joyous and peaceful world it has suddenly been thrust into.'
'Your chagrined and humbled student, Twilight Sparkle.'

She made the corrections, and noted Spike had been silently staring at her the entire time.

"Are you all right?" he asked carefully.

"No, Spike," she admitted, "I think, everything changed, and I wasn't prepared for it. I need to do better. I wasn't a very good representative for Equestria, or Princess Celestia today. That hurts. What hurts worse is the one who shouldn't know how badly I did, was the one to make it clear. The monster, who's been here a day, knew I was failing Celestia, probably without even knowing who Celestia was."

"Twilight, that doesn't make sense," Spike said quietly.

"It means I have to do better," Twilight said, "But doing better, means doing nothing. Which while it's right, doesn't make any sense to me either."

Spike nodded and sent the letter, while Twilight trudged up the stairs to her bed. He waited until she was out of sight to ruefully shake his head.

"Sergeant," one of the Night Guard saluted as Mile Stone entered the small observation post overlooking the side of the house, "We think it may be trying to escape the cordon. It entered the bathroom, with dark clothing and a cap to cover its head. But first it mixed up a batch of something to blacken its face."

The sergeant stifled a sigh. "It did this, in front of the largest single window pane in the entire house?" he asked politely, "Did it adjust the blinds so you could see what it was doing before or after it started?"

"Um, before," the soldier said, mystified.

"Thank you, soldier. Tell Captain Armor to get four good trackers, two teams of two. Tell him that the monster is probably going to slip into Ponyville, so the populace doesn't know it's there, but that it wanted us to know."

"Sir, how can you know that?" the remaining soldier asked in awe as the other rushed off to relay the message.

"Because when you prepare to be sneaky, in the full view of the ponies you might have to sneak past," the sergeant explained, "It's because you want them to know you're being sneaky."

The monster slipped out the front door with its two-wheeled vehicle.

The full moon must give it more than enough light to see by, Heaven Spectre thought, How did it spot me? she wondered as it waved to her and its other tail, Zephyr Winks. Then it proceeded straight towards Ponyville.

Or did it just assume, and is messing with us? she considered. Despite her endurance training, she had a bit of a time keeping up. Wonder if the feather brains are considering getting that thing as an advantage.

Very quickly, it became clear. It was headed towards the town library. Is it after Miss Sparkle? the ranger thought, then it spotted the librarian gazing out at the stars and the monster darted down an alley to avoid detection by the librarian. Zephyr stayed overhead as the ground member of the second team picked up the monster up. Heaven Spectre watched the librarian muse for some minutes, while she watched on the off chance that the creature might double back. Then she headed back toward the house.

Princess Luna and Shining Armor were debriefing the team in the command center as she arrived. "It didn't come back to the library," she reported.

"Because it returned to its home," her Highness said, "Are you certain?" she asked Zephyr.

"It seemed kind of angry that the library was occupied."

"Or who occupied it," Shining Armor admitted, "I think it and my sister have rubbed each other the wrong way."

"Your Highness, I suspect this was a scouting mission," Feather Soft, the other pegasus tracker said, "It has a watch, and I think it was timing the travel from its home to the library. Or, from the library to any of our command posts."

"Explain," Luna said.

"I think it was trying to figure out how much time it would have to get to the library, and do something there, before we would be alerted and could respond."

"We tracked it the entire time," Armor pointed out.

"Because it wanted us to. It may be able to slip through the cordon and move where it wishes. I suspect it wanted to get to the library. But once it saw that was also Miss Sparkle's home, that plan was scrapped," Zephyr said.

"It also indicates it doesn't know any of us can teleport," Heaven Spectre pointed out, "Or it does and wants us to know what its next goal is."

"Uncertainty and paralysis lay down the road of guess and counter-guess about its motives," Luna said, "It is intelligent enough to know to telegraph its actions to us, and cunning enough to change those plans with circumstances. If Miss Sparkle hadn't been present, it may well have entered the library proper. We will not speculate on a plan to lure it to the empty library. Let it plan its next move. Speculation on why it would seek a library full of unreadable books would be welcomed."

The only member of the scout/tracker team who hadn't spoken was Twilight Strider. "I think it was after information. It has a huge stash of books. And it's clever. It may be looking for a mate to a book it already has, and it wanted to look through the library to find it."

"What kind of book?" Luna asked.

The tracker shrugged. "Anything that would have information similar to one it has."

"It's trying to learn our language through some kind of touchstone?" Armor asked.

"It's what I'd do. Every speaking thing on Equestria knows our language," Strider said, "We'd have to guess how it learns a new language. But with all those books, that's what it would rely on. It already figured out our math through our books and its, seems like if something works, you keep at it."

"Reasonable," Luna said, "I begin to wonder about keeping it isolated, and keeping it here. At Canterlot, it might have a richer feeding ground."

"How many arrogant princes and princesses are you willing to let it shoot for barging into its home?" Zephyr asked a bit too loud, so it was heard.

"Point taken. Although a few might be a welcome change," Luna said very seriously, then chuckled, "No, the noise would disturb the good citizens. And it might break Derpy's heart, if it started shooting the postmares." They had a chuckle about that.

Ah hate this, Ah hate this, Ah hate this, Applejack thought as she approached the door. The spotters had said it rose early, so before breakfast was the best time to approach it. Ah don't care if Princess Luna ordered this, and paid for its wages, and promised to rebuild whatever it damaged around the farm, Ah hate this. She had earlier admitted to herself that part of what she hated was begging help from anypony else, let alone a monster.

Ah think Granny Smith is gettin' worse. 'It'll be right neighborly to bring him a fine breakfast', Ah swear she thinks this is a stallion Ah'm courtin', she thought, and knocked on the door, a good deal harder than she'd meant to.

"Oh that's great, break down its door," she thought as she looked close to see if she'd damaged it.

The door opened suddenly, then the monster took a side step so she wasn't staring directly at it. Then she looked up, and up. And took a step back. You'd thought watching it for two days I'd realize how big it is, she thought as she looked at its face.

"What the hay?!" she gasped. About a quarter of its face was covered with soap suds, and where the soap suds weren't it had removed the fur it had been growing. She fell back on her haunches as she stared.

It took a menacing, hands-upraised pose. Claws extended. All fangs displayed. Applejack felt her fear rise. And it said something very softly. Applejack nearly bolted. It stared at her a moment, then closed the door. Applejack tried to unfreeze herself.

Ah bucked timberwolves, and gone up against dragons, she thought, Why's this varmint got me spooked? Before she could answer, the door opened again. The critter took off her hat, she was just about ready to swat its hand away, when it put an ice pack on her head, put her hat back on, and closed the door. Applejack gritted her teeth as she almost felt the ice turning to steam in the pack.

"Oh, um hi Applejack," Fluttershy said as she landed beside her, "I was watching, and you were having such fun, I didn't want to interfere. But I think you need to actually talk to him."

Applejack stared at her. "Ah know that."

"Don't worry, I think he's cute too." Before Applejack could respond, Fluttershy quietly knocked on the door.

Fluttershy couldn't help herself. She let out a little squee at seeing him up close. The monster's look of alarm nearly matched what Applejack's must have looked like. Its eyebrows practically disappeared into its scalp as it looked at the grinning pegasus.

"Oh, sorry, you're just so adorable," Fluttershy apologized, "This is my friend Applejack." She hugged her. "And there's this big storm coming." She made thunder sounds, and waved her hooves like rain coming down. "And she's got a farm and could really use another pony - person to help get her farm all fixed and ready for the storm." Fluttershy grabbed the basket Applejack had brought. "They make all kinds of apple products, so she'll feed you breakfast and lunch, as well as pay you." Fluttershy held up a few bits, then nosed his hands. "With those I'm sure you could help her." Fluttershy rose up to move eye to eye with the monster and grinned broadly. "She's not usually this embarrassed, but I think she thinks you're cute, like I do. She's kind of embarrassed your first date is her begging for help."

"This ain't a DATE!" Applejack shouted, "And what are you, Pinkie Pie in a Fluttershy suit?"

The monster's apprehension with Fluttershy's behavior was now replaced with an expression of absolute neutrality, which Fluttershy nearly matched. The monster took Fluttershy's hoof bowed his head against it and vowed something. He chuckled and stood aside to let them in. Fluttershy followed. When Applejack didn't, the monster took her hat and the ice pack, and set her hat on a door knob inside.

Grumbling, Applejack walked in and retrieved her hat, then closed the door behind her. "Where's the light comin' from?"

Fluttershy flew up to the top of the bookshelves. "There's a couple of big boxes up here that glow." She moved to the windows opposite the shelves. "You can't see them from anywhere in the room. Except up there."

"We're lucky Twi didn't see these too," Applejack said of the filled bookshelves, "She would've gone more loco than she did."

The monster set a large box down, and opened it. Inside were all manner of tools. Some Applejack had never seen before.

"Yes," Fluttershy said and nodded enthusiastically, "That's exactly what we need."

The monster nodded back, and directed them to sit on the couches, while it got some tea for them from the kitchen.

Fluttershy sighed when it left again. "I am willing to share," she said, and hid her smile behind her mane.

"Just cause ya think he's cute and harmless, that don't mean Ah do," Applejack said, and sipped her tea, "Ah'm only doin' this for the Princess." She looked at the teacup. "How'd it get Equestrian teacups so fast? Ya don't suppose its look like ours? Never mind, that's just silly."

"Maybe, you should be doing it for your farm. He seems willing to help, and maybe there are things you need done that he can do better."

"There's nothin' on the farm I cain't do," Applejack countered sharply.

The loud clap brought them both around. The monster waved a finger at them, its expression stern.

"I apologize," Fluttershy said.

The monster cupped a hand by its ear.

"I apologize too," Applejack muttered.

"I didn't say you can't do something," Fluttershy said, "He might have a way to do it better."

"Fluttershy, it's mah family's farm. If I can't do it, then it means it might not get done," Applejack said in a reasonable tone. And glanced over at the hall the monster had disappeared down.

"Are you afraid to ask for help, or ashamed?" Fluttershy asked quietly. "The Princess needs to really push him, his intelligence, his strength, and his willingness to do work. She isn't picking on you. She's depending on you to give it a try."

Applejack sighed as she frowned. "What does she expect outta that? Barn raisin' with one finger? Plow the fields with a wave? Maybe the next monster that rears its head, we send our monster against that monster. 'Shy, we know nothin' about this critter. Look around. Other than the books, I don't know what half this stuff is. Look, three marbles. Or are they. A bunch a wires that look almost like a buildin', but are they?" She trotted over to the glass-fronted cabinet. "I doubt even Twi, or Celestia herself could tell ya what half of them doodads is."

"But if he's our friend, all these doodads will be working for us," Fluttershy said as she hovered behind her friend, "That's what Twilight was saying."

Applejack considered, and tried to put into words how uncomfortable the creature made her feel. "Fluttershy, you all are saying it's a pet bear, that don't make it less a bear. Bears got teeth and claws, no matter how many bows you got tied in her fur."

"Maybe, maybe it's not a bear. Maybe it's a lost dog. If Winona got lost, wouldn't you want nice ponies to take her in? Maybe you're worried that it might be something you care about, and the Princesses will take it away."

Applejack rolled her eyes at that, but looked over at all the trinkets and books and pieces. A whole life here. But what is it really?

The monster reappeared, and signaled them to follow.

"One thing, it changes clothes more'n Rarity," Applejack said and walked down the corridor. Then into a small room that smelled of soap, and had metal boxes in it large enough to hide a couple of ponies. Then down some stairs. The shed was big, and had two carts in it. The monster headed to the white, open-topped one.

"Hold on stranger!" Applejack insisted, "If you think I'm pullin' that monster, you got another think comin'." The cart, loaded with tools and other equipment was open like a wagon in back, but had a closed cab like a fancy, Canterlot, hansom cab.

Why'd they put a nose on this thing? Applejack wondered, Ta keep the rain off the pony pullin' it?

The monster waved them over, and to the cab.

"It's gonna pull us?" Applejack asked in astonishment, "Even Big Mac couldn't pull that monster too easy."

Fluttershy landed on and sank into the padded bench seat. She looked at the complicated buttons, levers and the wheel stuck in front of one of the seats. "Maybe it's magic, and doesn't need ponies."

"Maybe," Applejack climbed in and sat next to Fluttershy, leaving the seat behind the wheel unoccupied. The monster got in, grabbed a strap and pulled it in front of and across them, and clicked it to another. Then did the same to itself.

"I don't like this," Applejack said she looked at the strap across her chest, that doubled back across her hooves.

"Uh, it probably strapped us down, for the same reason it strapped down all the tools," Fluttershy said as she looked into the back of the wagon.

"What for?" Applejack asked, then the wall in front of them pulled up to the ceiling, and the machine let out a growl. "OH NEILLY!" Applejack held Fluttershy, who held right back as the horseless wagon drove across the ground and out onto the road.

"It's so we can't escape!" Fluttershy wailed in terror.

Applejack looked around. " 'Shy, you and Dashie can fly faster than we're goin'," she told the panicking pegasus.

"But we're in the air! Not strapped into a steel wagon with a monster at the reins!" she wailed.

The monster looked over at the two ponies. Applejack patted its arm. "She'll be okay," she said, and then was pushed against the straps. She looked at the sign post outside of town. "Uh, oh, that way," she said and pointed to the road the sign cleared marked 'to Sweet Apple Acres'.

"Oh no!" Fluttershy wailed as they took off down the road.

"So, what about this mister Applejack's got her eye on?" Granny asked as she set the dishes to dry.

"Not 'mister', granny, monster," Applebloom offered. "He is taller than Celestia, and has a house and all kinds of magic!"

"Well, if he's got a house near here, I guess Applejack can still help at the farm."

"Granny, he's not a pony. We don't know rightly what he is," Big Mac said.

"If he grows apples, he's our kinda folks," Granny said, as if that were final. "Applebloom, you git off to school. Miss Cheerilee is using our barn. So you make sure it's presentable."

"Wait, does Applejack know about that?" Big Mac asked.

"Nope," Granny said, "Useful to see if her beau is good with kids." Granny wandered to the sitting room.

"Big Mac, you remember how you think us Crusaders are always gittin' in trouble?"

"Yep."

"I think this is gonna put us all to shame," Applebloom said.

The wagon came through the open gate at the farm, and Applejack pointed where the first project was. A long string of 'volunteers' little shoots of trees that were too bitter to pull up with teeth, and gave a painful rash. Not an impossible problem, but a difficult one. The monster stopped the wagon, then stopped the rumbling noise it made, and released the strap that held Applejack and Fluttershy in place. Fluttershy showed no evidence of releasing Applejack though. Then he went around the other side and with Applejack's help, carefully lowered the pegasus to the ground.

"Okay, let's see what you make a' these," Applejack said and pointed at the collection.

The monster returned to the wagon, put on some heavy covers over its hands, and came back with the biggest set of tongs Applejack had ever seen.

"Those are as tall as you," she said. Then the monster drove them in the ground a few times, turning them as he went, until he'd cut a circle around a shoot, and pulled it out of the ground. "We didn't need to save'em for replantin', but that works." Applejack retrieved a large, sealable, metal container to put the plants in, and watched in amazement as at least three hours' careful digging and handling was finished in twenty minutes.

"Okay, maybe the Princess' idea wasn't so crazy after all," Applejack said, then looked around, "What the hay am I gonna use you for?" she asked.

Unfriendly eyes regarded the farm work. "Tell Rover Bill that we have it, and two who humiliated us. And it doesn't have the stick that blasts."

The armored Diamond Dog disappeared into the underbrush. The one left behind grinned.

"Rainbow!" Rarity said in alarm as she trotted into the observation post, "What are they doing? We didn't send Applejack away with it, so we could break into its house, did we?"

"Naw, they want to measure it. See if there are any places inside that we haven't seen yet. There's windows we can't see through, and some piece in the middle they think is enclosed. The Princess was real strict that no one goes in." Rainbow laughed. "Pinkie found out what happens to snoopers."

"Well, I am glad. Breaking a 'Pinkie Promise' is one thing, but using Applejack to trick a creature like that while we rifled its home. I think the creature might have help when it punished us."

"Aw, I think we could take it."

"Says the pony who found the Diamond Dog," she said teasingly. "Uh, Rainbow. Is that gallant Captain Armor around?"

"Gonna apologize to him for knocking him cold yesterday?" Rainbow teased.

"I also remember knocking a certain pegasus cold, yesterday," Rarity said darkly.

Rainbow rose up, out of range. "Lucky shot. I think he's down with her Highness, measuring."

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash." Rarity tossed her mane. "I still don't see why you all objected. I was merely going to offer him my card," Rarity said.

"Yeah, and Pinkie just wanted to throw it a welcome party," Rainbow replied, but stayed out of reach.

Cheerilee had led the entire class out to see 'the monster'. Applejack was staring in amazement at the collection of foals approaching. For its part, the monster had taken one look at them, and gone back to work. It was a stump that had resisted even Big MacIntosh's attempts to remove it. The monster currently had a drill that screamed like a scared filly, with a bit as long as a foreleg. But it cut through the hard wood with ease. What the monster was going to do with a stump full of holes, Applejack couldn't even guess.

"Okay kids, stay back! We're workin' here." Applejack flipped up the face shield the monster had insisted she and Fluttershy wear if they stayed close to the work, while it wore a set of goggles and ear coverings. The clear shield flopped right back down, muffling her voice. Most of the fillies and colts started laughing at her predicament.

"I don't see what's so special," came a too familiar voice, "It's just like a trained bear."

"It is not, Diamond!" Dinky Doo shouted, "He's nice, and he can do things not even Twilight can do!"

"Oh really?" the filly commented. "Like kill? It killed a Diamond Dog, who hadn't even hurt it. Something like that should be driven back into the Everfree Forest, where it belongs."

"Ya gonna drag its house back there too?" Applejack asked.

The filly snorted with contempt.

I hate ta admit it, Applejack thought, But that doesn't sound too bad an idea, if we could move its home and land there. But then somepony would say it was too close, and want it moved past Appaloosa, then it would be the griffin's problem, and I don't like the idea of them gettin' half the stuff we saw in that house, or what he'd do ta them ta keep it.

The monster returned, trailing a set of wires to the stump. All the blue ones it was winding together, and all the green ones in a separate braid. It reached into the cab of the wagon, and there was a loud clunk from the front.

"What're you doin'?" she asked, and immediately regretted not remembering the language problem.

It made a hissing noise and waved its fingers in the air.

"It almost looked like fireworks," Applejack said and looked to Fluttershy, who raised the mask. Only hers stayed in place.

"It put a powder in the deepest holes, so maybe it is fireworks," Fluttershy said.

"What are fireworks gonna do to a stump? Lift it outta th' ground? Blow it up, with all these foals here?" she asked, but the amazement at what lay under the metal sheet that covered the nose of the wagon drew her attention. "It's a machine?" she asked as the foals gathered round the new device.

"It smells awful," Diamond Tiara commented.

"It does that," Applejack agreed, "Like hot metal and oil."

The monster had attached the blue wires to a box with two knobs on it. He shouted something, pointed to his eyes, and pointed almost exactly opposite of the stump.

"He doesn't want us to see his trick," Silver Spoons said.

"I think he doesn't want us . . . " Applejack said and looked towards the stump, then tugged on the monster's sleeve. "You got any bright ideas to deal with them?"

He could tell the orange pony didn't like what she was seeing. Great, more orcs, he thought as he looked at the stump, then looked at the bundle of wires still in his hand, and that the bulk of their formation would take them straight at the stump. Better them than me, he thought and gestured for the little ones to get behind the truck, and turn away. The three adults corralled the panicking little ones and got them out of sight. The pegasus had taken refuge in the bed of the pickup.

I hope they aren't watching, he thought as he shielded his eyes and touched the other collection of wires to the ground terminal of the battery.

"Can he control the sun?" Cheerilee asked as the brilliant illumination threw every shadow into sharp relief. The light reflecting off the Diamond Dogs was painful to look at. Some of the fillies and colts whimpered at the brilliant light, but it only lasted a moment. But unlike any fireworks, there was no accompanying noise. Instead, Cheerilee and Applejack heard the thunder of hooves as a dozen of Celestia's soldiers charged across the orchard towards the Diamond Dogs.

Applejack looked under the wagon and saw most of the Diamond Dogs were on the ground, and the few who were upright were wandering as if blind.

"I don't rightly know what that was," Applejack said as the soldiers corralled at least fifteen Diamond Dogs. Most were just realizing they were blinded. "What did you do?" Applejack shouted at the monster, who seemed almost as confused as she was.

He pointed at the sun. Applejack sat down heavily. "He did use the sun against'em," Applejack told Cheerilee, and the kids. Applejack shuddered at the idea of using the sun as a weapon. Then she saw the stump. Some smoke rose from it, but otherwise it looked intact. "Even if it didn't work, please don't do that again," she said carefully, keeping the visor up with her hoof.

He looked at her with confusion, but nodded. The soldiers were escorting the Diamond Dogs away.

A few seconds ago, they were gonna hurt th' younguns, Applejack thought, Then poof, they're the ones needin' help. She looked at the monster, who had gone around and was helping Cheerilee and Fluttershy calm the scared ones. It's like a faucet, on, off, hot, cold, nasty, nice, and it's like nothin' changed. She looked at the whimpering Diamond Dogs, blinded, she hoped temporarily, but the monster had simply seen a target. So how safe are we, and what happens if it turns on us?

"It's got to be pretty stupid, if it can't even speak Equestrian," Snails said.

"You're stupid if you can't figure out how to ask him a question!" Dinky Doo shouted back.

"Well, how would you ask why it wears all those clothes?" Featherweight asked.

The unicorn thought a moment. "Okay." She motioned for him to bend down, and when he did touched the work shirt. "One." And the white shirt underneath. "Two. Why?" she asked.

Its face screwed up with confusion for a moment.

"See, it can't even figure that out," Snips said.

"He knows the answer, but he's gotta figure out how to tell us," Dinky replied.

"It's gonna draw a picture?" Applebloom said, as he held up a pencil and looked around, waving for the others.

"I got one," Diamond Tiara said, and gave him a whole package of colored pencils.

He motioned Diamond forward.

"Uh, you speak monster better than I can," Diamond said and moved back into the crowd. This seemed to amuse the monster. Cheerilee moved up instead.

He took off his shirt, and the smaller white shirt underneath.

"He doesn't have any fur!" Scootaloo said from behind it, and laughed.

"It's cold?" Sweetie Belle said, then looked around, "In this weather, it's cold?"

"Why's it only got hair on its head and under its forelegs?" Twist asked.

He pinched the skin on his arm and held it before Miss Cheerilee.

"I don't understand," the teacher admitted. He smiled and held up one finger.

He rubbed his hands together very fast, and put them on Dinky's cheeks.

"That's warm," she said happily.

Then it put some of Diamond's pencils between its hands and rolled them very fast. Then it touched Dinky's cheeks with his hands.

"That isn't warm at all."

He pointed to the hair under his arms, and held up the pencils.

"It's to prevent its skin from chafing," Cheerilee said, "We have fur all over and it does the same thing. It only has fur exactly where it needs it."

He returned the pencils to Diamond, and motioned her forward. She came, reluctantly. He rubbed his face on the white shirt, and held it out for her to do the same. She did. Again, reluctantly.

"It's soft," Diamond said. Then she did the same with the offered work shirt. "And that's pretty rough."

He made a rolling motion with his hands, and started dressing.

"It wears the outer one to protect its skin, and the inner one to keep the outer one from chafing!" Diamond said, she looked at it, "It's smarter than I thought."

"That answer your question?" Dinky asked Featherweight.

"Yeah."

Dozens of other questions were shouted. Some students calling one after another.

"Where's it from? Does it eat ponies? What did it do to the Diamond Dogs? How did it get here? How long is it gonna stay?" came in and even Cheerilee felt overwhelmed.

"Ooo. What does this do?" came a question from the other side of the wagon.

'PUT. THAT. DOWN!'

The monster hadn't thundered any actual words as it had shot to its feet, at least not in Equestrian. But that tone, the angry gaze, the gesture, and that delivery were instantly recognizable across any barrier of language, or species. Every colt and filly instantly and guiltily flattened on the ground.

Pinkie, wide-eyed and hair dead-flat, replaced the device in the strange cart, and left post haste.

Big Mac let out a breath as he trotted up. "Yep, he's a serious one."

Miss Cheerilee and the kids stared at him wild-eyed as he checked the device, then put it in the cab of the wagon and locked it up.

It said something that sounded like an apology, and it sat down.

"Um, what was that?" Dinky asked, and pointed at the device.

He shrugged and pointed at the lunch that Big Mac had brought.

"Can we see it first?" Dinky asked, and looked to Miss Cheerilee for support.

"If you wouldn't mind," the teacher said and nodded towards the device.

He shrugged and unlocked the cab, set the case before the foals and opened it. Applejack walked over to look at it. "Mean-lookin' thing." Heavy box with handles, and a weird knife blade-looking piece stuck to it.

He flipped down Applejack's face shield, and replaced his own goggles, before walking over to the stump. He motioned the others to stay back, allowing only Fluttershy and Applejack close. The pegasus having replaced her face shield before venturing out. The machine let out a noise like a swarm of bees, and he applied it to the stump. He easily cut into the stump with the machine.

"No wonder," Applejack breathed, then shouted back, "That thing is dangerous."

"No more dangerous than the plow," Big Mac said to the kids, "If you know how ta work it. That's why it has the goggles or that face mask to protect its eyes."

"But the stump's still there!" Applebloom complained. Said stump had resisted the best efforts of the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Stump Remover's' plans. Now it had won again.

The machine fell silent, and he locked it back in its case in the cab of the wagon.

"Can you imagine Pinkie with one a those?" Applejack asked Big Mac as she set the visor aside.

"I kin imagine Pinkie with a couple of those," Applebloom said, "I kin imagine Pinkie trying to juggle a couple a those, while they're runnin'." Everyone shuddered at that.

He pulled several long, thick metal rods from the wagon and carried them out to the stump, and waved for the others to follow. Big Mac grinned and pulled a set of ropes from the pack he carried.

"Maybe you need to get another horse collar," Big Mac suggested as the monster set the rods into some holes it had dug in the stump earlier.

It looped the ropes around the one set of rods, and fitted them to Big Mac's harness. Then another from a second set of rods to Applejack, and a third to the class's set of rods. It made a rotating movement with its arms.

"We're gonna unscrew a stump?" Applejack asked, and looked at Fluttershy. "Yeah, let's see how smart it is." She muttered, "Nopony payin' attention ta how crazy it is."

The three teams pulled. The wood held, for a little while, and then they heard cracking.

"Ease up!" Applejack said between clenched teeth, as they did exactly that, unscrewing the stump. They completed a half circle before the top of the stump came away from the rest. The stump which had been Applejack's and Big Mac's bane for years was cut flush with the ground.

"It's all burnt in the middle," Scootaloo said of the center of the stump.

"Maybe that's where it put the sun?" Fluttershy offered.

Applejack stared at the chunk of charcoaled wood. She barely heard Big Mac and Cheerilee calling her to lunch.

Rainbow Dash saluted even before she'd finished landing before Luna in the command post. "We've got clouds all set, and ready for that storm, your Highness," she said, "The Ponyville Weather Team is ready to deliver it tomorrow night."

"Excellent," Luna said. "Spitfire, please accompany Rainbow Dash, and see to the preparations in Ponyville for the storm." She ignored the wide-eyed eagerness of the Element Bearer.

"Yes, Highness," Spitfire said, and took to the air. "Now, rookie, can you keep up?"

"I'm the best flier in Ponyville!" Rainbow countered,

"I'm the best in the Wonderbolts," Spitfire shot back as they headed off towards town, zigzagging around each other.

"Glory Bell, has your team completed their measurement?" Luna asked the engineering expert from Canterlot.

The royal white unicorn nodded. "There's two areas we haven't been able to see. But the fillies passed through one of them, and if reports are accurate, Applejack and Fluttershy passed through it this morning. We can talk to them about it later."

"What of the last area, it's as large as a decent apartment," Luna pointed to the area.

"It's got a window we can't see through, and it leads straight into the - his bedroom. We have no idea what it is. But if it went through this door, and returned with clothes, it may be some kind of storage. The actual space is similar to the bathroom here. It could just be another bathroom and a closet."

"Even Rarity wouldn't need that much space for just clothes," Luna commented, "Well done. I assume this door is the only access?"

"Unless it goes into the attic." Glory lowered her voice. "Highness, it would be a lot easier with scrying spells."

"Would we like strangers scrying our domicile?" Luna asked.

"I don't have anything to hide."

"There is a difference between hiding things, and trying to keep your neighbors safe from what you have stored. Miss Sparkle was quite, disrupted, by some moving images, like a living picture or a home cinema screen. And the weapons have not been accounted for either. Good enough reasons to keep things away from prying eyes, and ignorant hands."

"Maybe. Highness. I must protest your plan to go in tomorrow. If this storm is as powerful as you want, the creature might do things to you and the team, before help can arrive."

"So you do not wish to accompany me?" Luna asked carefully.

"Me, I mean, me?" the unicorn stammered.

"You are trained, and are 'soft and cute', perfect for the nonthreatening role." Luna smiled carefully. "You are also a keen mind, so are well-suited as a spy."

"'If I can't use scrying spells outside, what makes you think I can use them inside, Highness?"

"You will use your eyes, and your brains. Ask him questions. He seems to have a soft spot for the young and curious. You still qualify, do you not?"

"Yes, Highness," Glory said, "Although I can control myself."

"Admirable. I hope I can. There is so much I wish to learn. But I have a primary mission, and must accomplish that."

"Yes, Highness," Glory said, bowed and left.

"Captain Armor, how did this creature harness even a fraction of the power of the sun, and inflict it on those Diamond Dogs? Celestia has felt no contest to her suzerainty of that orb."

"Fireworks, your Highness. He used some kind of powder. He probably intended to burn up that stump with it. The Diamond Dogs, charged straight into it."

Luna glanced around. "Another worrying weapon. At least it didn't explode the stump and let them run into the splinters."

"I'm more worried about what kind of creature keeps that kind of material in its home. We have powders that will do the same. But most alchemists who brew them have workshops with solid, stone walls, and roofs of sheet tin, for a reason."

"And a distinct lack of manes and eyebrows," Luna agreed.

"Yes, Highness. I also think we may need to talk to this 'Rover Bill' of the Diamond Dogs. If he keeps sending soldiers after our guest, things could get more ugly."

"I have considered that. You and Sergeant Mile Stone will 'visit' him, tomorrow afternoon. And 'explain' our deep concerns," Luna said, "And plead that I will not have to become, personally involved."

"Yes, your Highness."

Applejack looked at the charred piece of wood that the monster had cut from the stump. Cheerilee had asked for it, to make a table out of it. Big Mac had agreed. Applejack kept pawing through the stump, and the charcoal at the center.

He burnt a hole in it, and then just cut it up, Applejack thought, Then what're all the metal bits there now about? His buzz saw thing didn't loose any teeth off the chain, and these're too big to have been mixed in the powder. So what happened?

The monster had wandered over and stared at her pawing. Then it took a piece of the charcoal and drew a math equation on the remains.

"That's fancier math than Ah know," she admitted. It pointed to the triangle over the equal's sign and made the same hissing noise and fireworks finger moves. "Still don't make no sense to me," she told it and walked away. "What kinda math let's ya do things like that?"

The lunch was typical Apple family fare, and the kids seemed fascinated by the idea that the monster had no trouble eating most of it.

"Look at its teeth, those sharp ones," Sweetie Belle said, "They're a little like a dog's or a cat's, do you suppose it, eats meat?"

"It eats cheese," Dinky Doo explained, "And it cooks. It cooked a sandwich of cheese, and it was good!"

"You ate what this thing cooked?" Diamond said, "You're braver than me." Dinky turned to face Diamond.

A hand and a hoof appeared between the two. Applejack pulled hers back quickly. "No fightin' durin' lunch," she said, "Besides it hasn't et nobody who could ask it not ta. Even if it couldn't understand the question."

"You'd better introduce it to Lulu Belle and the others," Applebloom warned, "If they get excited, they don't talk real good."

Applejack nodded at her little sister's wisdom. "Maybe we can get it ta install the gutter, finally."

"It can fly too?" Applebloom asked. Fluttershy 'eeped' as Applejack smiled at her.

"Hello Twilight," a very subdued Pinkie Pie said as she entered the library.

"Are you all right?" Twilight asked, and was immediately engulfed in Pinkie Pie.

"The monster hates me!" she wailed.

Twilight weathered the fountain of tears that instantly soaked her to the skin. "Pinkie Pie."

"He hates balloons."

"Pinkie Pie."

"And parties."

"Pinkie Pie."

"And fun."

"Pinkie Pie!"

"And cake."

"Pinkie Pie!"

"And party games."

"Pinkie Pie!"

"And, and, and you're right, ME!" Pinkie wailed and sobbed on Twilight's shoulder.

"I think he hates surprises," Twilight said as she patted her friend's shoulder, "Or he's getting all the surprises he can stand. Don't you think it's a little weird that somepony comes to a new place, meets all new people, gets dragged into a whole bunch of crazy situations, and they don't completely freak out?"

"You didn't," Pinkie pointed out, her tears instantly forgotten.

"That's what you think," Spike said as he wandered in, "In the middle of the welcome party, she . . . I'll go check the fiction section." Spike departed under Twilight's piercing gaze.

"I think he doesn't like all kinds of parties. Maybe he'd actually like something like the Grand Galloping Gala. You know, talking, soft music, and just being with a few friends." Twilight smiled hopefully at Pinkie Pie.

"I'd never throw a boring party like that for my friends!" Pinkie insisted.

"How 'bout your enemies?" Twilight grumbled.

"Thanks Twilight, I've got to plan the super-duper-duperest party Ponyville has ever seen!" Pinkie shouted as she disappeared through the door.

"I think I finally understand how Luna became Nightmare Moon," Twilight said, "Okay, warn the Princess, and warn the monster." She paused and considered the puddle she was standing in. "After I get dried off. If Discord shows up, I'm locking the three of them in that house." Twilight headed over to get a towel, then a parchment.

Big Mac retrieved Applejack's hat from atop the stick poking up out of the nose of the monster's wagon. He dropped it on Applejack's head as she lay panting, sprawled out on top of the monster. "Ya wore it down and pinned it," he teased, "Can't you say you won?"

He stepped back and stood near Granny Smith. After the kids had left, he'd watched Applejack playfully bullyrag the monster, who'd taken it in good humor. Until she'd knocked it down. Then it had taken her hat and put it on the highest part of its wagon.

"It's good to see Applejack playin' like a filly again," Granny Smith said, "She's been too serious lately."

Big Mac nodded. "I was a little worried, until he started ticklin' her." He looked at his hooves. "Them fingers is good at gettin' places." He laughed as his nearly exhausted sister clambered to her feet.

She nosed the monster, who said something that sounded exhausted even to Big Mac. Another nose and he just lay there silently.

"I think you won that one," Big Mac said, and enjoyed Applejack's reaction that Granny had watched the entire 'fight'.

"Granny," Applejack said as she trotted up, "That wasn't what it looked like!"

"Looked like two foals havin' fun, 's what it looked like. If it weren't no fun, why'd ya do it?" Granny asked. Big Mac took the hint of Granny's sidelong gaze and went to see if the monster still lived.

"I guess, I guess." Applejack hung her head. "I didn't like how it just did all that hard stuff, like it was nothin'," Applejack admitted, "Ah get my tail in a knot about Rainbow Dash's braggin', and Trixie's too. Ah just thought," she trailed off and looked at the monster still lying face down on the ground. "Ah thought it was doin' it too."

"He," Granny said, "Mighta been trying to impress a pretty mare. Or a new friend. Fear does silly things. Hides as somethin' else, and makes us try an' buck all the apples alone. Makes us try and impress ponies who already like us. Makes us fight against what we should be fightin' alongside. He scares ya. Good, he scares me too. But he's tried ta be neighborly, while everypony takes advantage. He can't talk, but maybe somepony needs to stand beside him and teach him the word 'no', afore somepony pushes just a bit too hard." She looked over at the stump. "That stood up to all you and Big Mac could do. Your ma and pa before that. I half-expected Applebloom and her friends to blow up all of Ponyville trying ta git it. Now it's Miss Cheerilee's new table." Granny looked at Applejack. "Zap apples don't grow themselves, and there's a powerful lot we just have ta accept about 'how'. 'Why' sometimes don't matter."

"Thanks Granny," Applejack hugged the old mare.

"Now git. If you're gonna take him shoppin', and get back for when Miss Cheerilee should be done with that barn, you'll have to hoof it fast. But come back, we need the roof fixed," Granny said, "If you kin toss him around like a rag, he won't put a hoof through the roof. Like yer brother did."

Applejack winced at memory of Big Mac stepping through the roof of the old barn, and his less than happy landing. "Yes'um."

Fluttershy smiled at Applejack walking back to the monster Big Mac was helping sit up. Then she jumped and squeaked as Princess Luna appeared beside her. "Element of Kindness, we need your teaching."

"Uh, okay, we aren't going to be yelling, like last time?" Fluttershy asked.

"You may scold us if we do," Luna assured her.

Fluttershy's whimper hung in the orchard after they had vanished.

It gits better the second time, Applejack thought as the wagon slowed on the approach to Ponyville, No wonder it kin do all that, ya need four hooves just ta drive this thing. They stopped the wagon outside the market. The monster opened the door for her, and collected the large basket from the back. He held out the collection of bits, and looked uncertain.

"Trust me," she told him and smiled.

He looked around. Applejack did the same. Many of the ponies stood frozen, staring at the newcomer. He appeared to ignore their fear.

"It hurts, don't it?" Applejack said and leaned against him, "Being away from friends, family? Ya cain't even talk about it."

He smiled, understanding her expression of sympathy. Then it put on the smile she was more used to seeing: tolerant and amused.

Cain't fool me no more, Applejack thought as she headed through the market.

It stopped at the cabbages. "Four bits!" Applejack said, "That's outrageous! They was three bits last week."

"Well, if you don't like it, go somewhere else."

Applejack stared at the clerk. "No counter?"

"Not for that," the pony said, not looking at the tall figure standing beside Applejack, "Besides, they say it eats ponies."

Applejack then leaned close. "Then that's a better reason to sell those cabbages," she whispered, "Maybe we kin git it ta stop." Bits and produce exchanged hooves.

"They think you - you cain't understand. Right now, that's probably a good thing."

Green beans were next. "So this is the newcomer. Always willing to see a new pony in Ponyville."

Applejack smiled worriedly.

"Ah, has it seen a doctor about it's ah, gland condition?" the seller whispered, "I mean it's so, tall."

"It's a mite skinny too," Applejack said, and noted a few more beans than paid for went into the bag the owner hooved over to the monster.

At the end of the chain of stalls, a scream rang out. Applejack was on the monster's heels as it charged towards the scream.

"Oh for Celestia's sake!" Applejack said of whom they found unconscious at the beet counter. "Sweetie Drops, ya better take her home." Applejack considered Lyra's 'weird obsession' for a moment. "When she wakes up, take her ta the Princess." Applejack looked at the monster. "You're not a human, are ya?"

The monster shrugged.

"Ask a silly question, Applejack," she shook her head and told herself.

In her quarters, 'Woona' crouched low and stared fearfully at Fluttershy.

"I think I may faint," Glory said as she entered with another 'soft and cute' pony. "Fluttershy, your Highness, this is Wind Listener, she's your third trainee."

"Uh, why did you pick her?" 'Woona' asked quietly, "If you don't want to say, that's all right too."

"Good," Fluttershy said, "Too much, and they get nervous."

"She meets the criterion," Glory said, as the new mare crouched beside her Highness's 'cute and cuddly' form. "And she's the chief instructor for all the guards' hand-to-hand combat instructors."

"Eep!" 'Woona' squeaked, and managed to bounce away from Wind Listener and under her bed, without getting out of her crouch.

"I'm not that bad," Fluttershy muttered.

The large basket was full, and the stash of bits was seriously diminished as they stopped before the house, and the monster carried the food inside. Applejack tried to unlock the control for the strap that held her, but a hoof was a poor tool for the job. As far as she leaned, she couldn't get her nose, or even her tongue next to the button without choking herself. She fumed a bit, until the creature returned, carrying a tiny box.

"Kin ya let me outta here?" she asked. He shook his head and slid the box into a slot in the wagon she hadn't noticed before. Suddenly, the inside of the cab filled with song. "Wagon with a music box, what'll they think of next?" She wasn't a big fan of the slow Canterlot stuff, or the noisy mess someponies liked. But this was different from either.

Singer sounds a little like pa: sad, worn, but not broke, not by a long shot, she thought as she let the music carry her away. She didn't need to understand the words, the sound and the tone told her more than the words would have. She sniffled a little as she listened. She was almost sorry to see him come back.

"Leave it on, please," she said, putting a hoof against his hand. He nodded and handed her a little box that the other box might fit in. It had lots of tiny words on it, and a picture of another monster like the one beside her. The weathered face, dark hair and all black clothes made her think of her pa again. She wasn't ashamed to keep crying.

"I know bows look adorable," Rarity said politely as she circled her 'trainees', "But the point is to be adorably dishabille, rather than disheveled opulence." She fearfully combed out her Highness' mane. "I'm sure you appreciate Fluttershy's natural cuteness. That's what you should strive for. Too much artifice and a wrong cloudburst will completely spoil the effect. You have to be heart-wrenching even if you are completely drenched."

"Thank you," 'Woona' said, as she nodded to Glory and Listener.

"Now Applebloom's bow makes her adorable, but on an older mare, it would just be immature." Rarity moved the adornment. " However, having that bow down at the middle of your mane, Glory Bell, and that makes you the ingenue. Too busy with her studies to follow fashion. And thus so in need of the kindness of others, when everything falls apart."

Glory glared at her fellow infiltrators who were snickering at her.

"Oh, I wish you'd let me take you to the spa. We could make this perfection. No stallion could resist you."

"We're trolling for monsters," Glory pointed out, "We have no idea if this stuff will have any effect, or he even finds ponies attractive."

"How couldn't he?" Rarity exclaimed in shock, "For the right pony."

"That's disgusting," Listener said. "This is all intel. We get in, we get info, and we get out. Her Highness has her mission, and we have ours."

Rarity frowned sympathetically. "You must live a very sad life, to never want to get out and impress," Rarity said woefully, then added, "And my ranking is three levels above yours. And while I am accused of being 'too dance-like', I am not impressed by appeals to ruffianism."

"She was willing to charge Nightmare Moon, to save her friend. We'll have no 'marshmallow' comments," a full-grown Luna said politely.

"Yes, Highness."

"Of course, your Highness. I was perhaps a bit strident," Rarity said and considered the soldier, "Perhaps a more tomboyish look. Not all the way to Rainbow Dash, but along the lines of an Applejack." Rarity paused and removed her glasses. "Oh dear, I'm advising a member of Canterlot society to willingly dress like Applejack. What is the world coming to?"

"We can accidently drop your card in his house," Glory said.

"Would you?!" Rarity said excitedly, "I really do appreciate it. His unEquestrian geometries must speak to bold lines and forceful presentation. You have no idea what a thrilling challenge that would be."

The three other mares exchanged worried glances.

Rarity noticed their discomfort. "Well, other designers would get their chance, later. But they would all be trying to catch up to ground Rarity had already trod, and masterfully so," Rarity said. "Oh, have you considered a cape to disguise your wings, your Highness, or a darling chapeau to disguise your horn?"

"I really think rassling with him was a bad idea now. Almost as bad as this idea," Applejack said as she looked up at the figure dangling in Fluttershy's grip, "If he's that big, and that light, he must break awful easy."

"He would've said," Big Mac said as they watched the team carefully nailing the gutter into place.

They'd used all of Miss Cheerilee's class to run the twenty-odd rachet straps to lift the rather delicate and unwieldy piece of metal to the edge of the barn. Then Fluttershy carried the monster aloft, while he fitted the gutter into the brackets, undid the kinks that the last three attempts to lift it had put in it, and nailed it in place. The yellow pegasus didn't seem to be straining at all. Some of the kids had remained behind to watch the operation.

Soon the job was done, and he began releasing the straps for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to pull down, and coil up. Fluttershy didn't seem to be coming down.

"Aren't they done?" Sweetie Belle asked as she looked up at the pegasus, "All the straps are back in the wagon."

"Uh, why didn't you ask Twilight and Rainbow Dash to do this?" Scootaloo asked, "Rainbow Dash could've done it easy!"

"Remember that birdhouse?" Big Mac said and escorted the fillies away from Applejack. "I think they're, inspecting," Big Mac said nervously, and avoided looking at his sister, whose orange color was heading towards burnt umber.

Before Applejack exploded, the pair headed down. Fluttershy looked like she was cuddling a pillow, not holding him aloft. She set him down and let go with an embarrassed squeak. Only the monster's confused expression cooled off Applejack.

"Mare thinks he's a bunny," Applejack said.

"Have you ever met Angel?" Applebloom asked.

Big Mac decided not to comment. The monster looked around, as if to ask 'what next'? Applejack looked to the threatening clouds, which had been getting worse all afternoon.

"I think Rainbow Dash went overboard on mixin' up a storm," Applejack said, then looked at the monster.

"Kin I hire him ta clean up mah room?" Applebloom asked, then looked at her siblings' expressions. "Or maybe not."

"Once we get those shingles in, I think we're done," Applejack said, "Except to introduce him to Lulu Belle and the others. And where is Winona? I ain't seen hide nor hair of her since this mornin'."

"Maybe she'sa scared of him," Applebloom offered. "He does smell kinda funny."

Applejack nodded. "Well, let's get that done, and get him paid, and see him home safe."

"Can we ride in the back of the wagon?" Scootaloo asked.

Applejack considered the ride, Scootaloo's normal scooter habits, and that they'd be riding with all the tools. "Maybe next time. Ya saw how he reacted to Pinkie playin' with his stuff."

"Aw." The Crusaders tried to cute Applejack into relenting. She looked at him, and he shook his head, pointing to the cab.

"Sorry, he's gotta place for folks up front. And it's not big enough for all three of you," Big Mac said, rescuing his sister from the onslaught. "Maybe after a while, or when the back's not full of tools."

"Like tomorrow?" they asked.

"Maybe," Big Mac said.

He pulled the truck in and hit the button on the remote that closed the garage door. If I don't get a hot soak tonight, I sure won't get anything done tomorrow. The only reason he didn't pour out of the cab was ride back had been enough to stiffen up his muscles. Note to self, quit showing off to creatures that are two- to four-hundred pounds of solid muscle. Got to get in better shape, he sighed and collected the keys and the cassette tape out of the player.

So the farm pony likes Johnny Cash, is that irony, cliche or coincidence? he thought, And pigs can't talk. I think I nearly killed the little ones by trying to talk to the pigs. Their laughter sounds almost human, like the other little ones' screams yesterday, but the speech, all I can get is the tone of voice, nothing intelligible.

In the bathroom he adjusted the blinds to obscure the constant observers' view and peeled off the dirty clothing while the bath ran as hot as he could stand. "Great, if they do this all the time, I'm gonna die by the end of the week. I don't think I'm going out tomorrow, even if their rulers show up."

Sergeant Mile Stone checked his watch as the last of the lights in the house went off. "He's turning in rather early."

"I doubt either one of us would be so different," Shining Armor said, "After working a day on a farm pony's ranch."

The sergeant looked up at the sky. "I do wish the weather team had shown less enthusiasm. I rather like this town. I'd like it to still be here day after tomorrow."

"From what they said, they needed all those clouds for the lightning and thunder. The rain shouldn't be too bad," Armor said.

"Says the captain with the defense shield," Mile Stone said, "Some of us only have our issue gear to keep us dry."

"You can go back to Canterlot, wonderful sunny weather there."

"And who would keep all you shiny, young officers out of trouble?" Mile Stone added, "Some shiny new Prince/Princess-lieutenant would march down there 'we're here to haul you before Celestia', drag the poor creature out of his home, and in front of her Highness. I think we can imagine how well that would go."

"But you'd have to follow the orders of that shiny, Prince/ess-Lieutenant," Armor pointed out.

"Not if the monster obviously drove the dear lad insane. Poor thing, put a cordon around it until their Highnesses can deal with it. Send the poor, deranged royal to the country to count pigeons, until he's all better."

Shining Armor stared at him. "I'm not letting you in the same room as Cadence, without an armed guard."

"I am an armed guard, sir." He came to attention and saluted. "She's also one of the few who'd actually listen to her soldiers. But that isn't what's bothering you."

"What is it, how did it get here, what does it want, why isn't it demanding to go back?"

"Hard to demand anything when you can't really ask. It wants to survive, like the rest of us. The first two, I have no idea, but they're the least important. For a soldier. We have to deal with what it can do, not what it is doing. It is also painfully aware that the full might of an alien nation is poised above its head, like a sword hung by a hair. It will behave itself."

"But how will it look at us for doing this?" Armor asked.

"For letting it decide who comes and goes from its home, for letting it go escorted where it needs to. You've been the one guarded, Captain, how did that feel?"

"I hated every second of it," Armor answered, "But I learned to live with it. I think that's why Luna was so eager to take the field. Get out where things are really happening, instead of where you sit on a padded cushion and let ponies bring reality to you."

"Hence you standing in the mud, staring out at a creature, wondering what is it going to do next."

"So that's what it's thinking?" Armor asked Mile Stone.

"That's what I hope it's thinking. If it isn't, how strange the Elements of Harmony are so close at hand."

"Their Highnesses think of everything," Armor said sardonically.

"He's late," Luna said. The scholars had drawn up an approximate activity schedule based on their limited observations. It had slept most of the day, and its late afternoon start had destroyed the accuracy of that schedule.

"It skipped breakfast and lunch," one of the technical officers reported as another station reported the shed doors were opening. "Trackers are ready, it looks like it's headed into Ponyville."

"Keep an eye on it. I think the storm will break soon, and we need to be ready," Luna said. "Have Armor and Mile Stone gone to 'talk' with Rover Bill?"

"They leave in two hours, Highness," Lieutenant Peaceful Solitude said, "Shouldn't be a long talk."

Spike was reshelving the books that Twilight had removed during the last night's study binge when the door to the library opened and closed. Spike trotted over to see who had arrived, and froze. "You, you, you're the monster everyone's been talking about?" he managed.

The creature stared at him as it straightened out from the crouch needed for coming through the door. It considered, then shrugged. Spike looked around.

"Are you here to steal our books?" he asked fearfully.

The creature advanced towards Spike, who put the main table between himself and the monster.

I wonder if I could get a letter off to Celestia, Spike thought as the creature opened its jacket, and reached inside. Please help, somebody! he thought.

Then it set a book on the table, and opened it so Spike could see the contents. It set a collection of bits beside the book, and gestured at the library.

"I don't think that's enough to buy the whole thing. At least not if Twilight's being reasonable."

It pointed at the shelves again, more insistently. Spike touched the open book. "You want one like this one," he said, but only saw confusion. "Okay, hang on a second." Spike trotted over to the reference section and collected a picture dictionary like what he was guessing the book the monster had was. The smile told him he'd guessed right.

The creature pointed to the bits, then a map of Ponyville hung from the wall.

"You don't want to check it out, you want to buy one," Spike realized, then a thought occurred to him.

Where's that bow? he thought as he searched the odds and ends Twilight kept.

"Ah ha," he said as he found it. He touched the book, and pushed the bits away, placing the bow on top of the picture dictionary. When the monster pointed defiantly at the bits, Spike growled, pointed to himself and pointed at the bow. "Take your present or take off," he said.

The monster held up his hands and relented. He scooped up his book and the bits, then paused and handed over two bits to Spike, before leaving. Spike grinned and raced over to the counter. "Let's see, Dear Twilight Sparkle," he said as he wrote.

The door of the library burst in as Twilight ran into the main room. "The monster was here! Did it take any books? Did it talk to you?" She didn't stop as she circled through the main room, looking from Spike to the books in panic. "How could I have been so foolish to leave at such a time?!"

"Twilight," Spike said as his friend looked at the shelves.

"What if it saw my library wasn't good enough?"

"Twilight." He glanced over at Owlicious who was watching Twilight run around checking things.

"Maybe it doesn't understand how the library is organized! Maybe it left despairing of getting any help from us!"

"TWILIGHT!" he tried for the Royal Canterlot voice, to no avail.

"A second chance and I completely failed! Luna will banish me back to Canterlot! Celestia will send me back to my parents!"

He pulled the scroll he'd prepared earlier, and made a belching sound. "Oh look, it's a letter, maybe from Princess Celestia."

"Oh no!" she shouted and pulled it out of his hand. "DearTwilightSparkle, sincethemonstercameinandwaslookingforapicturedictionary, I thought we could go find a couple of the best ones, and perhaps some books on teaching the deaf to read.

Then give them to the monster as a present.

It will show him that no one in all Equestria knows more about books than my friend Twilight Sparkle.

Your Number One Assistant, Spike."

She blinked away the tears and walked over to nuzzle the dragon. "Thanks Spike, I can always depend on you."

"Why are you so nervous about this?" Spike asked.

Twilight sighed. "I'm Celestia's student, and here's this huge opportunity to study friendship, magic, all kinds of things, and Princess Luna basically told me to go home and wait."

"Don't you think Princess Luna knows what she's doing?"

"Oh course she does. But lately, I've been the one who solves things for Princess Celestia. And the biggest thing to hit Ponyville since Discord, and I'm supposed to stay out of it?"

"Discord wasn't a good thing," Spike pointed out, "And you fought Discord, and Nightmare Moon. I don't think fighting is the best way here. And don't you think Princess Luna deserves a chance to prove herself to Celestia?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Twilight admitted, "I guess I was being pretty selfish. Saving the World is Twilight Sparkle's job!" She hung her head. "And we made fun of Dash being arrogant."

Spike patted her head. "You made a mistake. Now we can make things right. Twilight, it's been here a couple of days. That house isn't leaving. Luna will start the work, and not let you, but expect you, and the others will finish." He triumphantly held up a parchment. "I have a scroll here, ready for Princess Celestia, explaining what happened. All it needs is the list of books the monster needs. I bet she can have the books delivered within the hour." He handed the scroll over to Twilight. She unrolled it.

"There's only seven lines here," Twilight gasped, "What about -"

"Twilight!"

"Kidding!" The mare smiled. "Let's pick seven, and I can come up with a list for follow ups."

"Right," Spike said.

"Spike, how did you meet Sergeant Mile Stone?" Twilight asked as they walked through the cordon, Twilight's saddle bags heavy with books.

"He was always around the palace. Gave me some tips on being a proper batmare. 'You must correctly guess what your officer needs, before she knows she needs it'," Spike mimicked the noncom's accent. "He's pretty reasonable."

"Yeah." She looked around worriedly. The monster was sitting there, in one of the large chairs facing the glass doors. Spike waved. The replying wave was a bit subdued.

"Remember, Twi, just hoof over the books. Then the map to the library. I attached a library card to it."

"He knows where the library is," Twilight whispered, "And we never bother with the library cards." She nervously smiled at the monster.

"Twilight, humor me. A non-pony, explaining to a pony."

"Hello," she said as he opened the door.

"Hi, we've got your books," Spike said happily and began unloading Twilight's saddle bags. The monster accepted the first two books, but held up one finger.

"I never agreed to that," Spike said, and put the bow on the next book he pulled out. He soon transferred all seven Twilight had picked, plus the two Celestia had added herself. The monster set them back inside, and returned carrying a book that would extend over the tops of most of the tables in the library.

Twilight froze at the sight of it, and memories of the images and music she'd seen. The monster opened the book to show them. Twilight found herself afraid of a book, for the first time in her life.

"Wow, pictures," Spike said, "Pictures of pictures. Um, this is a loan, right?" Spike asked as he tried to fit the huge book into Twilight's saddle bags, it was much too large.

"Thank you," Twilight managed, and got a smile and nod in return.

Spike heard the first rumble of the thunderstorm Rainbow and the weather team had spent days constructing. He glanced around the library, and at the list they'd prepared. "Twilight, is everything ready for the storm?"

Silence.

"Twilight?" he called and headed down the stairs.

In one of the rooms off the main hall, Twilight stood before the book the monster had lent them. She appeared to be making funny faces at it. Owlicious stood on a perch watching her.

"Twilight?"

"Oh, hi Spike, is everything ready for the storm?"

"I think we should take one last look around. What were you doing?"

She looked at him and stepped away from the book. "There's this picture in the book. It's just a portrait of a monster, but . . . there's something about that smile. What was it thinking, smiling like that?"

Spike looked at the picture. "When it learns to write and read Equestrian, you can ask. I bet that printing down there explains all about it."

"Maybe, it might just be the painter's name. I found that set of characters all over this book. Including one of a naked monster and all kinds of other nearly scientific diagrams. I think this is a picture book about an art museum. A record of what's there."

"Well, it's a start."

The thunder sounded outside. "We'd better do a last check of the library," Spike and Twilight said together, and laughed.

Luna appeared in the observation post, and looked around. "Where is everypony?"

"Your Highness," the mail pegasus said as she entered the roofed over post. "Did you get your invitation to the party at the monster's house?"

"My WHAT?!"

He'd ridden the bike to the signpost and back several times. Trying to work the kinks out and getting some time outside to think, before the brewing storm made it impossible. That storm is going to dump a truckload of rain, he thought as he headed back to the house, and noted many of the observation posts were dark. Guess they know weather better than I do, he thought as he saw the first strokes of lightning flash from cloud to cloud. The thunder was near deafening. He ignored the garage and headed right to the front door. Great time for the power to quit working, he thought as he walked the bike up the darkened walkway, Well, when all that meat thaws, the buzzards are gonna get a healthy lunch pretty soon after.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open. The lights came on and dozens of ponies standing in his living room shouted.

He slammed the door, feverishly relocked it and raced away.

Pinkie managed to get the door open. "Hey! When we yell 'surprise' you aren't supposed to surprise us!" She looked around and wondered where he'd gotten to so fast.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" sounded, followed by a huge thunder clap.

Pinkie turned. "Ah, surprise?" Pinkie offered to Princess Luna, who seemed about 90% of the way back to being Nightmare Moon. The team of three mares the princess had teleported in with glared at the crowd. Pinkie fell back on her haunches and tried to draw away from the furious princess.

Luna spoke calmly, several inches from Pinkie's face, letting the mare alone see the fury that boiled in her eyes. "Wind Listener, find Shining Armor and Sergeant Mile Stone, I wish to know what insanity has suddenly afflicted my troops. Derpy Hooves, contact Rainbow Dash, have them cancel this thrice-damned storm immediately. Glory Belle, assemble the observers and sterilize this place. Anything the observer teams did not see, have it removed. Anything that has been moved a hair's-breadth, have it replaced, every scrap of paper, every stick of furniture, every goblet, plate and trinket."

"Yes, your Highness!" the three mares shouted and set to their tasks.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie, you will return to Sugarcube Corners, by the most expeditious route. And you will remain there as the other Element Bearers assemble. You will not leave there without my express, personal approval, even if the sun and moon explode." Luna put her mouth near Pinkie's ear and whispered, "And if you think Nightmare Moon was a source of fear and terror, you have forgotten I stood with Celestia as we battled Discord, alone."

Pinkie had backed up to the wall, and now vanished.

Luna reined in her anger and turned to the assembled ponies. "Return to your homes, before the storm worsens, go," she said far more calmly than she felt.

Luna stepped out in the walkway and looked at the approaching wall of pouring rain and the lightning. She could extend her power, and see the trail he'd left, but she looked back into the house as the Ponyville ponies scrambled to leave, and the observation teams filed in to restore what had been disturbed. She allowed herself a single tear of helpless, infuriated frustration, before schooling herself to be the austere leader her troops needed.

All right 'Tia, I failed, but perhaps you can succeed, she thought, and sent the message off to her sister.

"You over did it Dashie?" Applejack finished toweling off as she asked the weather pegasus, who laughed nervously and ran a hoof through her drenched mane.

"Where's Twilight?" Rarity asked as she looked around Sugar Cube Corners. Pinkie was hiding in a corner, doing a credible Fluttershy imitation.

"I had to cast the spell to find him. And to track which way he went," Twilight said as she entered, she began removing her rain-gear. "He started towards Everfree."

"Oh no!" Rarity swooned.

"Fortunately, he saw the storm and turned around, and headed down the road to Canterlot," Twilight continued, "Unfortunately, that's where the storm is heading. He stopped, but what that means, I don't know."

"So, are you going out in this storm?" Fluttershy asked, and received a thunder clap as an answer. Fluttershy whimpered from under a table.

"No, Twilight Sparkle," Luna said as she entered, seemingly untouched by the rain pouring down outside. "I will find the lost one. You will decide on your friend's punishment."

"What did Pinkie do?"

"Stripped away the last skein of normality our visitor had, before a new web of bonds and friendships could be woven," Luna said tiredly, "You have wondered why I languished in Canterlot a year, before I ventured forth. Because I could not face the world that had become, and because I grieved for the world I had lost. Even as Nightmare Moon, I had friends and loyal servants who sought to return Luna to whom she had been. All are dust now, and even Celestia does not know their names or their deeds. Isolation was for his salvation, not his damnation. That has been violated, and without a dark deed, he is lost."

"What dark deed is that?" Twilight asked.

"Our original plan, was to make him think we three fillies were caught by the storm," Luna explained, her slow, careful delivery and the fatigue etched on her features worried the others. "So we could trust him with our lives, when we were apparently totally at his mercy. Now my sister and I must cause him to think that what happened, was just a nightmare caused by the storm. That the loss of his last refuge was a mirage, and not reality."

"Ah don't like lyin'," Applejack said.

"We need not your approval. Only your silence," Luna said sharply. Then she explained, "In the days ahead, when he stands on steady ground again, we will permit you to reveal the deception and your opposition, and the blame will fall on us. But he will be whole, sane and alive to condemn or forgive."

"I don't understand," Rarity said.

Luna smiled briefly, and seemed to warm with the tale. "The forgiveness you offered, so freely, so honestly, now is a balm to my soul, and I treasure every moment of it." Then the weariness returned. "But in the weeks following my return, even my sister's love was like vitriol, burning at my soul and my memories. I would have welcomed an ending, no matter what agonies, my pain was so great. Now, I can see that I survived, that I am loved. That is what we must do for him. He has been here but a few days, and can dismiss this all as a fever dream. It was a week before I fully accepted what had befallen me, and my descent into a different madness than Nightmare Moon began in earnest, and not even Celestia could arrest my collapse." She smiled happily. "Perhaps if Celestial Dill or Shamrock Dasher had been with me, I would not have despaired so deeply. You have forged bonds with him already. When he falls, you must bear him up. He may cry, he may rage, he may quietly turn his fury on himself. He may do all of them, or something else. Be afraid of him, but be afraid for him. Even I, remembered ponies, and had my sister. He will be alone in ways none of us can even conceive. You Twilight and you Applejack, have seen as I have, a taste of the darkness he may unleash. Some of it creates great beauty and cunning tools, some creates only death. It is a tension in his soul, and he believes, the soul of all his kind, that the 'monster' can be tamed to do good, to fight injustice, and to bring beauty into the world. Or it can ravage and destroy. In some few ponies, that same spirit exists. Some fell afoul of 'the alicorn sisters' in ancient days. Some stand in this room, even now."

Each of the Bearers shuddered as Luna's eye fell on them.

"You have your orders." Luna faced Pinkie Pie. "When your punishment is assigned, my ban shall be lifted," Luna said and stepped out into the storm.

"Well," Rarity said, "I actually think I have the most appropriate punishment for our dear Pinkie Pie." She laughed at Pinkie's terrified expression.

Luna paused only long enough to hear the cry of torment torn from a distraught soul, before she took a form she rarely used. This form most resembled Celestia and she thought it her most beautiful, but too many would see only Nightmare Moon. She found the cave where he had fled from both the loss of his home, and from the weather that had seemed to have pursued him like a ravening beast. The white and pink alicorns who waited outside nodded to her. She nodded back, and they followed her inside. No fire. No light. Just a creature too much like herself to abandon. He didn't even react until she practically touched him.

He turned suddenly, but Luna was too quick, her horn touched his forehead. "Remember dreams," she said and caught him as he crumbled. She stepped aside for the others.

"Remember sanctuary."

"Remember new friends." Then Cadence smiled and touched her horn to Luna's.

"Break the storm up, now we need it," Rainbow complained as she and the weather team raced through the skies of Ponyville, and tried to corral the last clouds with any real reserves of lightning.

"Quit complaining rookie," Spitfire told her, "At least the Princess told you why we're performing this insanity. All I got were orders." The Wonderbolt captain raced after a cloud that had just zapped Derpy, and would give a few more, good shots.

The screams woke him from a sound sleep. Though he wasn't sure what had jolted him awake, he was glad of it. "First she bites me, then she invades with an army, that pink one is a menace. I hope the others keep her at a distance when I'm awake, or in small doses. What kind of maniac weathers a deadfall, then gleefully leaps into not one snare, but two? She'd probably clear a minefield by jumping on each one." He looked around and suppressed the shudder. "Okay, I know it's hard to tell dreams from reality in this place, but it was just a dream."

Another thunderclap, louder than before, and another cry. He walked through the house, stumbling into walls as he moved. The lightning flashes had destroyed his night vison and the rude awakening had disrupted his balance. He looked through the small door in the door at three fillies, and the soldier from the first day. The white one was comforting the smaller blue one, while the tomboy-pony was trying, and failing to look tough and unaffected. The soldier looked disheveled and a tad disgusted.

A flash of lightning revealed all the observation posts on that side were unroofed.

"Well, if you have to spy on me, it might as well be from inside," he told them through the door. "Just wait there a second." He headed to the garage and opened the door, while he laid out some carpet scraps he used to wipe his feet after working in the yard. The four ponies ran into the light, and he closed the garage door behind them. He stepped on the carpet, and mimed wiping their feet. The three fillies dutifully wiped their feet, and walked into the laundry room. The solider wiped his hooves, but sat down on the steps.

"Come on Sir Galahad, you can be noble by not giving me a sick pony to deal with." He jerked a thumb towards the entrance.

The pony gave what sounded like an apology as he walked in. The four ponies crowded in the small space all looked at him.

"You know, I think I realize what you remind me of. Those awful OVAs that Hasbro put out in 2006," he said as he pulled some large rags from the cabinets, "Somehow I don't think having somebody under military surveillance would fit in with constant tea parties." Their horns glowed and they were quickly drying each other off.

He sighed and headed off to get the guest room ready. The storm was getting worse. He pulled the mattresses off the beds, none of the beds were stressed to handle the weight of a pony, let alone several. Then he walked to the family room to shove a couple couches together to give the soldier somewhere to sleep.

"Okay, ladies in here," he pointed to the guest room with the mattresses on the floor. "You, sir, follow me." He led the officer into the family room. A particularly loud thunder blast shook the house. He looked back and the soldier was seated, eyes wide and trembling.

"It's just thunder. You'd think with the ability to move stuff, someone would have come up with a way to control the weather." Then it hit him. "You can, but some storms are just too big, aren't they. This thunder boomer comes out of the ocean, like a Pineapple Express, and dumps on you." He looked around the room. He shuddered, remembering the balloons and streamers and all the party paraphernalia that had filled it. "Okay, no more of their tea before sack time." There was another blast, and the thundering of hooves, and now four terrified mini-horses were staring at him.

"Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm going to bed." As he walked back to his room, the ponies followed, carrying by mouth or magic, or both, the bedding he'd laid out for them. The fillies kept staring, the soldier stood near the door way and tried desperately to be 'stiff-upper' lip.

"Look, several hundred megawatts of weapons-grade cute aren't getting you to sleep on my bed. You ponies are just too heavy."

The stares continued. "Okay, fine." He barely touched the mattress before it glowed and landed on the floor. "I swear, tomorrow I get rid of all the soap and shampoo I brought from Earth. It's got to have pony-nip in it or something." He lay down and had all the ponies crowd in around him. "I just hope it isn't the laundry detergent," he said as he pulled the covers over him and went to sleep.

Luna smirked as her charge slipped beyond the walls of sleep, and she began a deep and intense scan. Every pathogen, every allergen was compared and cataloged. She sighed with relief that there was nothing too serious that would threaten either her people, or him.

Wind Listener detached herself from the mare's nest of bodies, and nudged Mile Stone awake at his spot near the door. The sergeant silently followed her out of the room, and into the kitchen.

"Sergeant, what does that thing smell like to you?" she asked.

"If we're playing a riddle game," the sergeant replied, "I'm having a cuppa." He reared up, and carefully pushed and turned the knob on the stove. Then quietly dropped back down.

"Please answer the question," she repeated.

"Like the sea, after a storm, I guess. Is this relevant?" he asked.

"It smells to me like a field of blooming clover," she replied wistfully, then shook her head. "Sergeant, I've smelled the sea after a storm. It and a field of clover blossoms smell nothing alike."

"We are still in riddle territory," the sergeant said as he considered how to get some mugs.

"You grew up in a fishing village I'll bet."

"What of it?" he asked

She grinned. "That's what it smells like. It smells safe."

"Some trick?" he asked with alarm, "To get us off our guard?"

"Exact wrong direction. I don't think it realized it, until now. But I'm saying we use that. Get all the Canterlot bigwigs down here to meet it. Not the fluff and feathers, the real powers, the movers and the shakers."

"Still in riddle territory, I'm afraid." He opened the box that seemed to clean the dishes, and extracted two tea mugs.

"It's been mirror-imaging what we do. I use it all the time to teach students how to fight Griffons, and Diamond Dogs. I have to move and act as they do, so the students know how to react. So they know that a flat stare from a griffon means something completely different from the flat stare of a pony. Besides, half the game is using body language to say 'I'm in charge and you aren't'. That prevents the fight."

"It's been nice, because we've been nice. It's seemed clever, because it solves a problem in a way we wouldn't. Not that the problem is difficult, but we didn't see how it did it."

"Exactly. We get them here, to see it's safe, and it will start acting safe, because we expect it to be safe. Both of we and it will remember it can be dangerous, but it'll be more like a guard dog than a timberwolf. That's why it's isolated, let it feel safe," she said and grinned, "It uses tools, not magic. It's been trained to think in terms of 'what tool solves what job'. It can't use magic. It's a weakling and a lightweight. I could teach a foal how to beat it in a fight. It depends on devices for everything. So we're all amazed that this 'earth pony-like' creature can spin magic like an alicorn. That's because it has had to. Machines for everything, and with more machines comes more skills you have to learn."

"With more skills come more options. You can't go over a wall or around it, you go over. If you can't do that, you go under."

"Or through," Wind Listener said, "The first thing it did when threatened was kill. But Applejack did a lot more physical contact than the Diamond Dogs did, yet it tickled her, why?"

"Because it knew she was just playing, and that someone, either soldiers or her brother would intervene if it was hurt."

"And she'd stop," she said. "That's what the Princess has been doing." She saw a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know."

"A few connections her Highness hasn't made. But overall, what we have trained for." He looked at the hot black, coiled rods of the stove. "Their Highnesses have considered it. Windigos, Draconequi are legends that everyone knows about. Dragons, griffons, and even pegasi and unicorns were the same." He poured them each a cup of tea and shut off the stove. "The plans and lessons-learned may have been hoof-deep in dust, but they were there."

Wind Listener nodded and opened one of the cold boxes. She shut it a moment later, very gently. She stared at him, and in a very controlled voice explained, "I think I can confirm it is a meat-eater."

"Is there somepony in there?" he asked.

She blinked. "Yes, Prince Blueblood."

Mile Stone bowed his head. "Terrible tragedy, will be sorely missed. If only we'd explained things in time." He raised his head. "But, mustn't let one, small cultural misstep get in the way of true interspecies friendship and cooperation."

"It's just, I'm pretty sure they are cuts of meat. Packaged and frozen." She steadied herself. "Kind of a shock when you were looking for milk for your tea."

He carefully placed the empty teacup beside the sink. "You want a mystery, figure out: how this is running? Where's the water coming from, and, where is the sewage going?" he asked.

Wind Listener looked horrified.

Author's Note

I haven't responded to your many comments. I decided to first put out another chapter which incorporates more of what has been commented on. Better formating (I hope). A few cracks in the armor. And 20% LESS accent.

3) Disasters in the Offing

3) Disasters in the Offing

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Disasters in the Offing

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 5

"Captain," Sergeant Mile Stone said, his helmet in his hoof, and was holding his salute. "I believe I've made a bad situation worse."

Armor was instantly awake. "You released Discord and she's fallen in love with Celestia." He focused on the building he was waking up in, and the early hour.

"That might be more controllable," Mile Stone said miserably

"Didn't you just leave the monster's house?" Armor asked as he put the timeline together in his head.

"I lagged behind, and encountered Miss Pie, as we moved past the first observation posts."

"What happened?" Armor said calmly.

"Ooo a flashback!" Pinkie said happily, "You're going to tell somepony about this later?"

Sergeant Mile Stone decided he was going to stay on message. "Miss Pinkie Pie, the reason that her Highness punished you, was that our new guest needs to feel secure." He pointed to the house in the distance, now dark since their host had given his guests some morning tea, a bit of toast, and verified the storm was over, before letting them out and returning to bed. "On that first night, he set up those traps -"

"They were so fun!" She bounced eagerly. "And so hard to win! I got my back legs caught in a lasso. Do you how hard it was to get my forelegs caught in another?" She sniffled. "Then, when I didn't even see the third one, he didn't give me another turn before he set me up outside. Is that fair?" she asked, her eyes watering.

"Miss Pie, he was hoping to catch the Diamond Dogs, before they hurt him," the sergeant said reasonably.

"But, weren't your soldiers already here?" she asked curiously.

"He didn't know that," the sergeant said, "He also didn't know he could rely on us."

He saw comprehension dawn. "So, I shouldn't have tried to throw a party while he didn't know," she said carefully.

"Exactly. Once he feels more secure, both with himself and with the ponies around him, he might feel more amenable. Although a party within his home would undoubtedly be forbidden for the foreseeable future."

"So we need to prove he can trust us to protect him?" She saluted. "Got it! Roger dodger over and out!"

"Yes, but -" the sergeant realized he was addressing the open air. Then the pink blur returned.

"Are you gonna end this with a wipe or a dissolve?" she asked then looked around. "Ooo, now that's new!" she added as she disappeared again.

"That doesn't tell me anything, sergeant," Captain Armor said as they entered the main observation post.

"According to the notes she left Peaceful Solitude, she used Applejack's 'Baked Bads' recipe to prepare, well, you'd better look." He pointed a hoof at the tripod-mounted binoculars. The other observers were as rattled as the sergeant by what they were seeing.

"Sweet Celestia's mercy," Armor said as he swung the optics around. Scattered all over the grounds outside the house were platters of something like cookies. Only a couple per plate, but the plates were on every possible line of advance where a flat space existed. There was a clear cover or clear wrapping over each. Attached to each one was a sign clearly stating 'Free Cookies for Diamond Dogs' and it was signed with a smiling Pinkie Pie face.

"That, that, that," Armor stammered as he waved a hoof at it.

"- looks like a minefield, sir?" Sergeant Mile Stone said, "I do believe it is. And is intended to be."

Armor stared in horror, then said, "You've got sappers out dealing with them? Then we'll need to test them."

"Princess Buttercup was out with 'an' team from the capitol soon after Princess Luna and her group had their dawn pick-me-up and almost immediately after the placement. Her Highness Buttercup sampled one, turned each color of the rainbow, individually and distinctly, and vented a considerable amount of steam out of her ears. Twenty minutes later, Nurse Redheart informed her Highness Luna that Princess Buttercup was going to live. Upon hearing this, Princess Buttercup's lamentations were vocal, interestingly foul, and covered all manner of physiological and, ah, recreational proclivities of the maker of the cookies. Some of which were physically impossible prior to the arrival of our friend out there."

"Sir! There's one INSIDE the house!" an observer called as the lights marked the inhabitant's movements within.

They stared in horror as their 'guest' approached the plate sitting in the breakfast nook. He took one look at the sign and gave the plate a wide-berth.

"She built a monster-proof minefield," Mile Stone said in admiration.

"Just leave them?" Armor asked, "Except that one."

"Just leave them," Mile Stone agreed, "I'll call on him in a bit and get approval to send a sapper in to remove just that one."

Armor looked at Mile Stone. "Sometimes I wonder who is the alien around here. The Element Bearers, or our friend out there."

Luna stood quietly. The morning had gone well, despite the earlier 'cookie mines' panic. And it was about to get infinitely better. All right, her heart is in the right place and I will forgive her, Luna thought of Pinkie Pie's carefully placed and marked defense system, Especially since she's given me back control of the situation. She directed a bored stare at the royal white unicorn stallion before her. Because stomping him into the ground would be politically unwise.

"Your Highness, I must protest this action in the strongest possible terms."

Calling this officious officer a jackass is a slur again jackasses, Luna thought of the nobles' chief spy who'd been thrust upon her.

"Your protest has been noted and logged," Luna said, "In the two days you and your troops have been here, you have abandoned your posts, on the word of a civilian."

"Your own troops also abandoned their posts," the officer said.

"My own troops will be reeducated on the proper chain of command," Luna said, "It would clearly be wasted on the officer who led them into error, Major Grass Lights." Luna forced herself not to grin as the idiot shied as if she'd struck him. "Then another officer leading a contingent managed to poison herself on a clearly labeled set of defensive emplacements. I am therefore sending you back to the capital. For your own safety. Any further troops will either be vetted by me or my designee, or I will personally feed them to the monster to ensure his carefully husbanded supplies of animal protein do not fall below safe levels. Good day to you Major."

Don't let my hoof hit you on the way out, she thought.

"Captain Armor, assemble a detail to ensure the major and his troops don't injure themselves on the way to the train station. Then see to it that they all are tucked in safely aboard the train when it leaves. That is a direct, royal order."

"Understood your Highness," Armor said, saluted and glanced to the detail he'd already picked out. Some of whom were on punishment detail for the debacle of the party. "After you, Major."

"Don't grin too much, Armor. Celestia still rules this land," the Major said.

"That is correct, sir, but we both have our orders," Armor replied. He followed the major and his despondent 'help' back through Ponyville and out of Luna's mane and tail.

The Carousel Boutique rang with the cry of, "But Rarity, why?!" Pinkie Pie hugged Rarity's legs as the mare drew up the guest list and the design for the invitations.

Applejack distracted herself by looking at the manikins in Rarity's shop. She kept silent on her opinion of the fashions displayed there. She was staring at the bipedal manikin that Rarity had called her in to advise on.

"Well, darling, I'd never want to burden you with having a hand in creating such a dreadfully boring party," Rarity said, "Hmm, how does one say 'Royal Command Performance', without saying it."

"Put both crowns on there, Celestia's and Luna's, and circle'em," Applejack offered.

"Can't I do anything?" Pinkie wailed.

"Certainly, you can accept your punishment like a good mare and wish us well on a proper, extremely boring welcome party."

"WAHHH!" Pinkie offered.

Rarity looked at Applejack, who nodded, and took pity on their friend. "Besides, aren't you going to be too busy organizing the 'After-cleanup' party today?" Rarity asked.

"Ooo! I forgot." Even the departing speed lines were pink. "Thanks Rarity!" Pink again. "If I can be any help?"

"No, darling. Princess's orders."

Pink speed lines. Door closed.

Door opened. Rainbow-colored speed lines.

"Pinkie Pie! Oh, Rainbow Dash, problems?" Rarity asked.

"Why aren't I invited to this shindig? Aren't I good enough for your fancy-shmancy party?" Rainbow accused.

Rarity smiled. "You weren't invited, because the Wonderbolts didn't want to be invited and courtesy demands one of us should be their guide around town. Oh dear, and I so thought you'd like the job. I'm sure Derpy or Fluttershy -"

"Nope, sorry, just needed it explained," Rainbow said as she raced off. "Wahooo!"

"I think I know who the Princess was talkin' about last night."

"She was talking about all of us, Applejack. We had no idea what the Elements would do against Nightmare Moon, yet we used them. We knew what the Elements did to Discord, and if he was aware all that time, we imprisoned him again in unmoving stone. It's why she tasked us to watch him. Because we have a taint of that too."

"I never killed nopony."

"Then what happened to Nightmare Moon, if she and Luna are separate beings?" Rarity asked, "It's something we need to be aware of, not dwell on."

"So do I have to attend this fancy shindig?" Applejack asked.

"Well, you are his friend, and you and the Cakes are providing all the food. So you should be there to accept the accolades."

Applejack rolled her eyes, but left Rarity to plan. Applejack stared at the manikin again. "Ah, Rarity, he don't bend like that."

Luna had assembled the observation team and the Element Bearers for a 'working brunch'. They sat in Sugarcube Corners and heard Wind Listener's theories. It ruined almost everyone's appetite.

"That is an excellent deduction," Princess Luna said. The soldier grinned at her Highness's approval.

"That low-down," Applejack started to grumble, then noted Luna's smile and healthy appetite, "You knew."

"I apologize," Luna said as she dabbed at some crumbs, "Princess Cadence warned me that I was too tense. That I would never carry off the necessary, impetuous attitude. So she placed a spell not on him, but on me, so I would feel safe, that I would smell what I remembered in my heart was safety and love." She smirked at Pinkie. "If you ever tasted my sister's blueberry muffins, you'd swear off cupcakes forever."

"Never, your Highness," Pinkie insisted respectfully.

Luna frowned. "Of course, the bakers and functionaries of Canterlot would never allow her to indulge her passion that way. A treat, lost a millennium past." Luna sighed happily. "But it spoke to me of my sister's care, to me, and those few she loved that way." She bowed her head. "I apologize. If I'd known it would have affected you as well, I wouldn't have risked it. But he did need us that night. To know that we could be at his mercy, and that we knew he would not hurt us."

"So, if you knew, and you wanted him to know you knew, but did you know that he didn't know you knew, or did you know he knew that you didn't know you knew he didn't know?" Pinkie asked.

Little swirlies replaced the eyes of the entire group, save Luna. "Yes, in the fullness of time."

"Okay," Pinkie replied, "Now I'm confused."

"Applejack, your feelings, and Fluttershy, your feelings, are completely your own. No ponyelse's. No magic elixir to wipe away your responsibility for feeling the way you do."

"Beg pardon, your Highness," Applejack said, "But I don't rightly know how I feel. He's friendly, useful, and determined, but after what happened, I don't know."

"And what exactly happened?" Luna said. Applejack chewed her lip and couldn't answer.

"Isn't anyone nervous that after the pony team left, he disappeared back into the house and hasn't come out?" Fluttershy asked. She smiled uneasily at the others.

Twilight and Luna began discussing, with Applejack and Fluttershy occasionally interjecting.

"Wait a minute," Rainbow insisted, "He arrives from wherever, with his house. Rescues two fillies, kills one Diamond Dog, wounds another, bluffs his way into the hospital, and then has a run in with Pinkie here, when he's expecting Diamond Dogs."

Pinkie giggled.

"Then the next day, he has to play foal-sitter all day, with occasional bursts of Twilight. Then the next day, he works for slavedriver all day, and fights off another package of Diamond Dogs. Takes the morning off to rest, runs his little 'peace-offering to Twilight' gambit, and then, has a very bad experience," Rainbow said the last in Pinkie's face. "Runs his machine half-way to the Everfree, then a third of the way to Canterlot, in the stormiest storm any weather team has ever constructed, and you eggheads are amazed he might want to just sleep in?" Rainbow Dash scoffed. "All that would be a stretch even for me. I'm surprised he isn't dead after all that."

"He might be sick," Derpy suggested. "We should check on him."

"No, Princess Luna would have fixed that. That was the whole point of sneaking in there," Rainbow said, "After all they said, just give him a day off, if he wants to take one. Ponyville didn't suffer any serious damage. The school's running. Just let the poor guy sleep."

"Ah thought you didn't like him," Applejack said.

"Just 'cause I think he's weird and creepy, that doesn't mean I expect him up and kickin' flank every single day. If the Princess says he needs to feel safe, give the guy a day off."

"I hate to agree," Glory said, "But while you did deal with the anxiety and any diseases, your Highness. You haven't mentioned just plain, old fatigue, sore muscles and general 'what is this insanity' nervous exhaustion."

"I could give him a massage," Fluttershy offered, "I did feel how his muscles worked."

"What's gotten into you, girl?" Applejack asked, "Around ponies you'd, well, you'd never."

"He's not a pony. He's lost and scared," Fluttershy said quietly.

"This isn't a lost bear cub, Fluttershy," Twilight pointed out.

"It is like a lost mother bear, knowing her cub can't be found. Sometime, you just have to be near her. Just to be there if she needs, anything."

"Plus you think he's cute," Rarity teased, "I will freely admit, I don't see it. But I do think that at least the offer should be made."

"We gonna break in there?" Applejack asked, "Hardly neighborly. He didn't exactly give us permission ta just traipse in there."

A key dropped on the table. And a nervous looking Big Mac looked around. "He left that," he said, "I think he wanted someone to be able ta get in and look after him, if he needed."

"Schedule a visit for Nurse Redheart tomorrow," Luna told a functionary, "Get what you need, Fluttershy. And the nurse should drop off the brochures on getting his shots today. Derpy, is that mailbox any different from our standard ones?"

"No difference, Highness. He's going to need an address, but I already contacted Canterlot for the paperwork," the postmare said.

"That'll take a year," Luna complained quietly.

"No, your Highness," Derpy said, "I did it under the Invasion Act provisions. And had Captain Armor declare this a military outpost. It should go through in a week." She looked around at the surprised ponies. "Hey! Maybe I'm not Celestia's student like you, Twilight, or a fancy pony like you, Rarity, but I know the mail!" Derpy looked at the ponies around her.

"Never thought otherwise, Derpy," Rainbow said, "So other than the delivery of the brochures today, we give the guy the day off. Right?"

"Agreed," Luna said, "Thank you all. Tomorrow, if he orders you out, leave, but it's medical. Don't get too involved." She walked out into the sunlight and was airborne a moment later.

Fluttershy stared at the others wide-eyed. "What did she mean?"

Applejack snorted. "She means you playin' monster-huggin' flyin' pack," she explained, "I told her all about it."

"You think that I?" the rest was merely a set of embarrassed squeaks. She shook herself. "That was Princess Luna's idea, and yours!" Fluttershy insisted, blushing furiously, "You said to carry him up there, and Princess said it was a good idea to help him understand we could keep him safe."

"You mean you weren't . . . ?" Applejack stammered.

"Weren't, what?" Rarity asked and raised an accusatory eyebrow, "Weren't taking advantage? Weren't seducing it, him, whatever?" Rarity waved her hooves. "Fluttershy would never do that."

The tongue-tied pegasus nodded.

"Where you had to wrestle with him? Who was taking advantage?" Rarity grinned at Applejack.

Twilight noted that Big Mac, Derpy, all the soldiers, and the key had departed, without anyone noticing their actual departure.

"I think the pot is calling the kettle black," Rarity said.

"I wasn't doin' anythin'!" Applejack insisted but was blushing.

"Aw Rarity," Rainbow Dash said and put a leg over Applejack's shoulders, "She was just showing the monster who's boss. That she was the tough one. Like what you'd do if you found out it made all its own clothes."

"I'd hardly resort to hoof-to-hoof combat," Rarity said and tossed her mane.

"Of course," Applejack said darkly, "Ah don't have pins ta stab a party with."

"I would never!" she insisted, but the others were all looking askance at her.

Major Grass Lights had been watching the approaching spires of Canterlot with growing satisfaction. Toss me out on my ear, he thought happily, We'll see about that.

His expectation turned to confusion as the train only slowed as it passed through Canterlot station, then accelerated again once it was clear. He pulled the emergency cord to signal the engineer to stop. Nothing happened.

He started trotting through the cars towards the engine to find out what had happened, when he spotted Bulwark, chief of Celestia's own security detail, coming towards him down the cars.

"Major," the stallion said quietly.

"Lieutenant," Grass Lights replied. "Why haven't we been permitted to detrain?"

"Because her Majesty decided that after all the trauma of your encounter with the monster, your entire force needed to recuperate. At Happy Meadows."

"That's an asylum for crazy ponies! There's nothing wrong with us!" the major insisted, "There's especially nothing wrong with me."

"Don't yell at me, Major. Captain Armor and I agree, you weren't' afflicted with alien mind-control, or pheromones, or any such nonsense. We think your decisions were made rationally and with your full cognisance."

"Thank you."

"Which makes you a pack of saboteurs and completely outside the protection of Equestrian law," Bulwark said sharply. "But her Majesty thinks otherwise. So enjoy your stay. You'll be up for review of your case in six months."

"Six months!" Grass Lights squeaked.

"That's the incubation time for rabies, it should be enough to show up any diseases that you were infected with. Be glad we aren't telling the monster where you'll be. They say he eats ponies. Slowly, while they are still alive. And you gave him plenty of reason to seek you out as an entree. Sleep well, Major," Bulwark slipped past him and moved deeper into the train.

He's telling the rest of my troops the 'good news'. Does that thing really eat ponies? Is he coming after me? Maybe I can let the others take the blame. It's not as if I actually gave orders. I just failed to countermand the pink one's demands.

Shining Armor looked at the clear, night sky. The stars were painfully bright, and he was certain they were singing.

"Quite a party," Peaceful Solitude said. Princess Luna had to nudge the smaller mare occasionally, or she'd walk in a circle. "Not like back home."

"So what are the 'congratulations for fixing all the storm damage' parties like back home?" He stopped and stared. "Your Highness. Are the stars supposed to be laughing at me?"

"That would not be my intention," her Highness said, "But with my sister controlling the night sky. Anything is possible."

"Just asking," he said as he started walking again. "I somehow think those were not 'authentic monster' recipes."

"Cider was good though," Peaceful Solitude said very carefully, as if the words were slippery, "I just cannot imagine that any other species would invent fruitcake."

"Why not?" Luna said, "The dragons invented it."

"Wasn't it a cruel practical joke?" Shining Armor asked.

"Like the griffons and 'fashion'?" Luna said, "Although, I think I did Miss Rarity an injustice by not telling her."

"No, no, no," Peaceful Solitude exclaimed, "Bad idea. Bad idea, your Highness. See when you tell her that, then she becomes a recluse, and next time we need all the Elements. The other have to drag her whole house with them."

"Very astutely considered," her Highness said.

"Thank you, your Highness, I think you're pretty astute too," Peaceful Solitude said then giggled.

"I suspect that my command staff is going to be hors d' Pinkie tomorrow, if it isn't tomorrow already," Luna said.

"That would be a horse of a different color," the lieutenant said and giggled.

Day 6

The day passed without incident, and while everyone else in the observation teams relaxed or recovered from the previous night's party, Luna felt a gnawing worry she had to control. She sought out another who specialized in more cerebral worries.

"Trouble, your Highness?" Twilight said as Luna entered the library.

The princess glanced around and saw that only Spike was in the library with them. "How do you control your curiosity?" she asked.

"I had orders from someone," Twilight said flatly, "I also made a rather serious misstep, which my assistant managed to set right."

"You think," Luna amended. "That Cadence's spell twisted as it did, makes me wonder whether my and Celestia's spells did what they were supposed to, or more, or less. I have looked into his dreams. They are confused, chaotic and filled with images neither I nor Celestia can understand. If a pony dreamt those dreams, she would be a candidate for a mental hospital. But with his people, are they normal?"

"Have you looked into the dreams of dragons and griffons?" Twilight asked.

"They dream much as ponies do. Same images, but not wholly different than normal life or the images from stories. These would have made Discord turn in his resignation. But are they images of his life and world, or abstractions? Dinky saw a mouse assisting a human wizard, but I doubt that was a true representation. Especially if the mouse was an actor."

"I have the art book that he gave me. I can only guess it's a more realistic set of images, but even then, many are particularly bizarre," Twilight offered and led her to a room in the library. "This is it. I'm relatively certain this is some kind of catalog to a major art museum. Something you'd buy to remind you of what you saw." Twilight let Luna page through the book in silence as she waited.

Luna noted Twilight's page of notes beside the book. "You think these glyphs are the artists' names?"

"Yes, the painting styles are similar and they are often the only characters the same in the text. They appear in the same place at least once, even if they are repeated in the text again. But they are still just a sign, not words to me," Twilight said. "He had that ready for me, well Spike, when we delivered the picture dictionaries and other books. Strange that he'd want that to be our view into his world."

"Picture dictionary," Luna mused, "That was on his desk, with the binding shorn off."

"He cut up a book?" Twilight screamed.

"Twi, they are his books," Spike said as he entered, "They were a present. He can eat them, if he wants."

"But, he destroyed a book!"

"He did not. He merely removed the binding," Luna said to soothe the agitated unicorn. "He did the same on one -" Luna fell silent as she felt the mare's eyes boring into her. "Perhaps he took them apart, so he could put them back together again," Luna said. She noted Spike urging her for more, but carefully. "If you had two picture dictionaries, with two languages. Wouldn't you put the pages of like and like together?"

Twilight calmed down. Spike relaxed and wiped the sweat from his brow. "I suppose that would be all right."

Luna decided not to mention how he'd scribbled in the margins.

The red bow poking above the bushes, and the small scooter concealed in the underbrush marked their presence to an expert better than names and signed affidavits.

"Y'all are gonna see," said Applebloom, "They're all in a tizzy 'cause he's not come out."

"But if we get to see what he's really doing, that'll get them all better," Sweetie Belle added.

"And we're sure to get our Cutie Marks!" Scootaloo concluded.

All three fillies took a breath.

"Cutie Mark Crusader Monster Watchers?" Lieutenant Peaceful Solitude quietly asked, effectively stunning the trio into silence.

The three fillies guiltily looked behind them at the officer, who was older than them, but younger than their sisters.

The lieutenant grinned. "It's so good you want to volunteer. It's so hard to get ponies through the training. They're always complaining it's long and boring."

"Training?" Applebloom asked.

"Of course. Why do you think we shipped those other soldiers out? They hadn't received the proper training. So they got hurt."

"But, we were there with the monster at school," Scootaloo said.

"And you weren't observing the monster. You were interacting with it. The soldiers who charged the Diamond Dogs were the observers," Peaceful Solitude said, "But if you want to be observers, then there's six months of training."

"Six months!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

"Well, there's kitchen duty in there. Mucking out latrines," Peaceful Solitude said with her hoof on her chin. "And lots of exercises. Learning to keep an entire barracks clean. I'm sure one of those activities will get you a Cutie Mark. There's one recruit who got a Cutie Mark from always peeling potatoes."

"Uh, excuse me ma'am, I think I hear my sister calling me," Sweetie Belle said, "Thanks anyway!" She ran away.

"Yeah! I think I hear my sister callin' me too!" Applebloom said and she scurried after her friend.

Scootaloo looked around, and then at the officer and smiled nervously. Applebloom was back. "She might be callin' her too!" Applebloom said as she dragged Scootaloo away. There was the sound of buzzing as the trio retreated at high speed.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders retreaters," Peaceful Solitude said, and sighed, "Was I ever that young?"

"You were younger." Nearly made her jump as Mile Stone 'happened' to walk by. "I'm afraid we've misplaced our commanding officer. Never a good thing to let commanding officers out of their sergeant's sight. They run out of resources and common sense so quickly."

"Captain Shining Armor is one of the most level-headed officers I've met," Peaceful Solitude said.

"Then the resources apply to him. Good officers tend to feel so bad when they tell their superiors they have their heads up their, you know the rest."

"Last I saw him, he was heading for the library. To check up on her Highness."

"Oh, dear." The sergeant broke into a canter.

Shining Armor walked backwards out of the library into the late afternoon sun and closed the door carefully to both shut out Twilight and her Highness discussing problems. And to avoid alerting them he'd left. He wanted lunch. He really wanted breakfast. That would have been easier to arrange than what bothered him.

"Trouble, sir?" Mile Stone asked.

The Captain started, but relaxed. He glanced around nervously. "Not here," the Captain said as he led the sergeant away from the library. "Sergeant, while I might be completely comfortable telling my sister her ideas are insane and she's being ridiculous. I have very serious reservations about telling her Highness the same thing. At the moment, the two of them are feeding each other's paranoid, and I can see no good result from that synergy."

"What is the kernel of their concern?" the sergeant asked.

"A reasonable concern that the creature hasn't stuck its head out for two days, and there has been absolutely minimal activity."

"And they are attempting to analyze a problem without precedent. Guess what a completely alien creature is doing," the sergeant said.

"And how it is their fault. Frankly, I'm not sure it is a problem. I agree with Rainbow Dash, if I got sucked into an alien world with all this heavy-duty weirdness, there'd come a time I'd want to crawl into bed and hide. I suspect Luna did something she really shouldn't have. Twilight knows what it is, and they are trying to pin all the problems on the incident. And how to make it right. All in the hopes of resuming progress on the socialization of our friend there."

"Ah, a very officer way to handle such a problem," Mile Stone said, "Since sergeants are less interested in secondary and tertiary consequences, and if what you want it to break things loose, then there's a perfect sergeant solution."

"I'm all ears."

"There are two individuals that our friend specifically sought out and contacted. It would hardly be unreasonable for them to attempt to contact him on a matter of their interest. There is an activity he took part in twice, once at his inception and the other at other ponies'. It would be reasonable for our 'called upon' to repeat the activity."

Shining Armor nodded slowly. "Sergeant, please excuse me. I have to see a dragon about a picnic."

Spike considered the problem Shining Armor had given him. I need the invitation, he thought, and briefly considered Twilight and Princess Luna discussing/arguing on the main floor of the library. The immense mass of books floating in the area meant a massive reshelving effort later. They only need me when they want to include Celestia in their discussion, or she wants to reply. So I don't think they're going to be of any help. But I'd better get her Highness's permission before I actually send the invitation.

He belched out a letter, and it was snatched from the air by Twilight the instant it had formed. He grimaced that the two mares read these letters over each other's shoulders, but didn't read them aloud so he could participate in the discussion.

"Okay, Dinky said he knew numbers, and time, so that's not a problem. Besides, it's lunch. Show the date how?" He scribbled a Celestia sun symbol, then a Luna moon symbol, then smiled as he added another sun symbol. He put an arrow to the first sun symbol, and circled the second. "That's today, that's tomorrow."

"Spike!" Twilight called, and levitated a scroll to him. He sent it off to Princess Celestia.

"Picnic basket, and the time," he realized and quickly added the drawings. "Not the greatest, but they should get the idea across."

He belched out a letter, and it was snatched from the air by Princess Luna the instant it had formed. "How do I leave long enough to deliver it?" he asked, "I guess I can give it to the postmare." He grinned at the thought.

Luna took a deep breath. "Celestia, I do not like this," she said. Despite being in her specially prepared place of power back in Canterlot Castle. She felt uneasy.

" 'Celestia'," the coruler of Equestria said, "If you are being that formal, Luna, in this place, something must be up."

"Taking someone else into a pony's dreams is difficult. The more determined, magical, and forceful personalities are more 'unwieldy'."

"So I'm a big, fat dragon butt?" her sister asked with a smile.

"Essentially yes," Luna said, "Celestia, please take this seriously. I've been extremely careful to remain invisible and just observe, but even I've felt like a angry minotaur in a china shop. There are currents and eddies in these dreams. As you approach the source, it's as if a riptide is dragging you in. Trying to maintain your distance, physical and emotional, is extremely delicate and difficult. There are traps that do not exist within a pony's dreams. There is also the bizarre imagery and any rules I may have taught you about navigating pony dreams are worse than useless in his dreams."

"I have to know if he is a threat to my, our ponies. You have a scientist's curiosity. I also have my requirements."

"Until we can communicate, you aren't going to get a direct answer. I am also afraid that we may be creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. We press him to see if he's dangerous to strange, alien creatures, and he is going to react how he did when pressed by the Diamond Dogs. We press him with creatures who befriend and love him, and I suspect he will react with the tolerance he had when suddenly pressed into service as a foal-sitter."

"There is a fundamental difference, that he was unobserved the first time, and was pointedly under observation the second. Two aspects to his personality, or a mask he puts on and has carefully worn?" Celestia said. "I cannot afford to be wrong in my guesses about this."

Luna nodded. "Very well. But I am true to myself, that is all I can be. Beware, his dreams are not easy to manipulate. While we are there, he may manipulate them without knowing. Those changes will be real, and as impossible to ignore as solid rock. So we will meet on equal terms at least."

Luna focused on herself and her sister to the exclusion of all else. "I am Princess Luna, sovereign of dreams. I have looked within, and for all the terrors, there is nothing here that can harm me," she said as they made the transition into the realm she shared no dominion with her sister.

But this time, it sounds more like a plea than a statement to me, she thought.

Celestia cried out as she stepped into madness. The field of columns like a mad forest reached into the cloud-filled skies. Each shaft had pony faces pressing at the 'surface' of the columns. As she watched, the faces twisted in fury and terror, screaming in inarticulate rage and hair-raising agony. She shied back but could make out no words, feeling only the hostility from their tone. At the base of these pillars, ankle-deep water clung to her legs and hooves. It swarmed with the faces of Diamond Dogs and creatures of the Everfree. The faces appeared, seeming to bite and claw at her and, left dissolving back in the water.

"This, this?" Celestia asked as she shied and circled.

"It's worse," Luna said, "And has been getting steadily worse since I first looked in. Is it getting worse because I looked in, or because our magic affected him more, or didn't adjust his memories at all?" Luna gestured towards the surroundings. "Maybe you'd care to interpret this. It is beyond even my experience. But touch nothing. Contact with even the ground draws you into this reality."

Celestia took to the air, and tried to ignore the hands, legs, and other appendages that tried to drag her down to the water. She shook off the effects of her horror and the clinging feeling of the water as she advanced. "How do we get through there, if we cannot walk, and there's not enough space to fly? We are not physical, so teleportation would move our physical bodies."

"Trust me, but I still advise you to go back. This is only the outside. In every case, what lies beyond each barrier is worse. If it means to keep out rescuers, or because he wants it hidden, I do not know."

"You talk as if he could be at war within himself."

"I talk of one consumed by their irrational beliefs, because they cannot understand the facts," Luna said.

"I apologize that was thoughtless," Celestia said.

"This place is disturbing. More so for its familiarity than its alienness. Discord would play like this. Give ponies impossible choices and watch them tear themselves to pieces. Think on it that because of us, or our ponies, he does it to himself," Luna said. "Perhaps you should consider a darker truth. Are our 'little ponies' destructive of him?"

Before Celestia could answer, Luna moved them to the center. Even she gasped at what she saw. In the center, like a clearing in a forest, stood the stairway which the monster climbed. The structure had an insane geometry or perspective that looped back on itself in an eye-watering manner. Four staircases formed a square, yet somehow forming one surface that managed to climb to a zenith that met the nadir without breaking, yet remained only varying feet above the lake of faces.

Luna ignored the physical impossibility of the structure that her own eyes reported, and concentrated on the interaction of three figures occupying it. "The structure I can understand as impossible. What madness spawned this macabre dance?!" she desperately wanted to know.

The bloodied creature was crawling 'up' the stairs on all fours as fast as it could. Never pausing to look back at its pursuer.

Pinkie happily sprang from stair to stair and randomly shouted, "Do you like parties!?" Each call seemingly lashed the creature, lending a feverish air to the exhausted scrambling up the stairs to escape.

Celestia's student would randomly appear on the stairs in a manner more reasonable of Pinkie Pie's appearances. She would materialize or peek out from below, or 'open a stair', call out "Hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle!" Before she vanished to appear elsewhere.

When she appeared in front of the creature, he would shy away from her for a second, before climbing again, but those seconds added up, until Pinkie caught up to him. She would gleefully land her bounce on top of him and continue on. Battered and bleeding from the new wounds inflicted, he scrambled on. He fled endlessly, as Pinkie circled relentlessly.

"They are speaking Equestrian," Celestia commented, as if this mundane fact could dampen the insanity laid out before them.

"But he only knows the words as if they were familiar bird calls," Luna replied as the two stood in horror at the tableau.

"Repeated perfectly but without understanding," Celestia said and shook her head, "The calls of his tormenters. But they are not. They are not."

"I warned," Luna said. "Are the ponies even aware they were inflicting this? Will you tell them? I won't. All the characteristics you find so charming could be a lash for him. And if you are afraid of what he is when no one watches, he stands bloodied and at bay, and no wound afflicts his tormentors. A glimmering of good nature, or that he has tried to no avail and been punished for it. That is the danger of the monster's dreams and the monster himself. Entire worlds, internally consistent, woven out of whole cloth in moments. I will have to be here for apparent hours to discover the rules here. And once I do, I will be no closer to understanding him than I was before. Because the rules of this nightmare are real as the waking world's. But which are imaginings, and which are borrowed from his native reality are indistinguishable."

"But this is where he has hidden it all," Celestia said. She bowed her head and cried. "Do you also fear we would hate you if you showed us?" she breathed, then added fondly, "Fool, to turn trust and love into some thing darker."

"That is the dilemma," Luna admitted, "I know one who would be very concerned if this appeared in public. But if not showed, it rests here. As horrible as it sounds, perhaps we need to let him be afraid."

"Something needs be done," Celestia said firmly.

"Certainly, advance through the water and leap onto the stairs. At Pinkie's approach, bend our power and attempt to drive off the Pinkie simulacrum. If ignored, it will trample him again making the same insipid cry. And you will have trapped yourself in the illusion."

"There are rules here. His rules, and I may use them," Celestia said angrily. Then calmed herself. "And be ensnared by them," Celestia said. She bowed her head. "You asked if this was our doing, from the spells we cast. Did these become noticeably more worse after the spells?"

"Did the descent accelerate?" Luna asked. She considered deeply. "I believe it jumped, then returned to its level of decline."

"Then it seems I must deal with the fears of our guest, and my sister." Celestia ignored Luna's warning and leapt across the stairs. She plunged her horn into the heart of one simulacrum, then the other as it appeared and announced itself, destroying both utterly. She felt sickened by the deed.

" 'Tia! Get out of there, he's coming around!" Luna shouted a warning.

"I must take the risk," Celestia said and stood firm as their guest crawled up the stairs towards her. "They are only images," she reminded herself and Luna.

"They are real," Luna said as she hovered just out of reach.

"You are free," Celestia told him as it looked up at her. She lowered her head, but kept her horn pointed up and away from him. She kept her tone and expression as gentle as she could, "You are safe. All the monsters are only in your imaginings. All the enemies are reflections of your fears." She approached to heal the wounds that still bled.

He jumped back. His distrust and hostility manifest on its face. He tumbled down the stairs in his haste to retreat. On the landing where staircase met staircase, he scrambled back to a corner nearest the descending stair. Celestia took one step, then another. He looked at the descending stair with loathing and terror. But even as she advanced, he would not break down the waiting stair. "Can you not see your tormentors are gone?" Celestia asked as she paused slightly between steps. "But there is no reasoning with dread, is there? Do you believe salvation is just a trick, to make you pause for greater horrors to catch up?" she asked more for herself and Luna than for him.

"This face you refuse to show us in the waking world," Luna said, unseen and unheard by the monster, "The good little martyr, finest of your kind, while we tear you apart piece by piece. You refuse to bleed where we can see, do you enjoy this role? Or is this what you really think of us? Are you seeking to suffer or be punished, or are so removed from love and trust that you cannot see it when it is freely given? Or since it is 'freely' given, do you think this is all a trap?"

"What do you want from us?" Celestia asked in confusion, then she moved forward onto the landing, within arm's reach of him, inviting a strike. "What do you expect of us?" she asked as she crowded it to the edge of the landing.

Despite the less than a pony-height fall, it looked to the edge with a dread it never showed in the waking world. Luna regarded it from inside her anonymous shell. Celestia's pause only made his anxiety worse.

"What do you think we'll do?" she asked softly from a hoof-width from him.

The slap she was braced for, but not that he'd drive his palm down over her horn. She froze as the blood ran down her horn and dripped on her face. She stared in horror and confusion. "Is that what you want? Is this what you expect?" she asked in revulsion. "Or is all this what you fear?" she asked, then she steeled herself.

" 'Tia, your temper," Luna warned, "You wanted to learn what it would do if pressed. You just did. Your 'prank' came a cropper and you must deal with the consequences."

Celestia swallowed, and remembered her mission, not her revulsion that something would willingly mutilate itself. "If you must see what we will do when we have all power, and you none. THEN SO BE IT!"

His expression of acceptance and even expectation tore at her heart. The faces in the water below them mocked her, and urged her with gestures to end it, but slowly. Carefully, gently, she let her healing magic fill him. Erasing the wounds, restoring the lost blood, and changing his expression to confusion. The water became a clear sheet of featureless glass, the sun shone down on her and him. She pulled back, freeing his hand, the wound diminishing as he raised it, and disappearing as he pulled it free. He fell to his knees and looked around. He seemed surprised he was alive. He bowed his head in shame.

"Luna," Celestia said as she stepped back, "Go to him. It seems he is infinitely more dangerous than I thought. He is too much like me," she said with a smirk, "And needs to trust in my sister to guide him."

Luna appeared on the landing and knelt near as Celestia withdrew to the next higher landing. Luna extended her wings, and brought him close. "Please trust us. Let us help you. We cannot replace what you've lost." She told him. "But we are not your enemy. We are not your enemy." He leaned against her most fearsome form. She felt his body shake, and his arms went around her neck. But there was no attack, only the sob of one too broken to go on. "You don't have to be brave for us anymore, just be out friend," she soothed as she nuzzled him and held him with her wings, "Just be our friend. That's all we want. That's all we 'demand' if you must."

Day 7

"All she said was 'catharsis', and 'let me sleep'," Emerald Light, Luna's chamberlain said, as the green unicorn blocked Shining Armor's entry into the royal tent.

Something Twilight had mentioned in passing occurred to the Captain. "You are in contact with her Majesty?"

"Of course, we will send a status report before breakfast, in fifteen minutes."

"Please inform her Majesty that the monster is holding her Highness hostage, and is demanding a ransom of blueberry muffins, prepared by none other than Celestia. We are negotiating on the quantity. Numbers being one of the few things it fully understands."

"But, her Highness is within," the chamberlain explained.

"Is she awake, is she out walking around? Celestia has gone weeks without a full-night's sleep. It is obvious to me what has happened."

The chamberlain considered, then showed he too knew the secret. "I doubt very much the creature fully understands what it is doing. You are a military pony and have a trouble with nuance and diplomacy. Providing such a distraction for the creature, and an incentive for her Highness to slip free is no doubt what you actually meant, if you weren't a completely bloodthirsty militarist."

Shining Armor and Emerald Light shared a chuckle.

"Okay, send the message as you wish," Armor said, "Just remember before you embellish it too much, I'd like to keep my job as Captain of the Guard."

"Of course," Emerald Light said, "Just one question. Why should they be delivered to Her Highness Princess Luna, and not to the monster himself?"

"A few will go there. He'll be picnicking with friends, but the bulk will go where the exchange will take place."

"I understand and apologize for my lack of insight." The green stallion bowed slightly.

"Excellent." Shining Armor trotted away, knowing the mission was in good hooves.

Luna groaned. The late morning start had her off kilter. Untrue and thrice-cursed, the rumors that mine own sister's student Twilight Sparkle subsists on naught but caffeine. Fie that they prove unfounded. The swill the camp's mess hall declares coffee, aye it has the taste to shock even the dead to full and exuberant wakefulness. But only the fouler aftertaste to keep her there. I have pissed stronger beverages than the sacrilege they do name tea. Fie on all of them! she thought as she marched determinedly towards her goal, Curse my eyes for betraying their mistress by letting in such light that my brain is scourged by it. Yet if I close them down, my vision departs. Traitors, blasphemers! Know you not you break faith with your princess? They do not listen.

She entered the Carousel Boutique. The thunderous clamor to announce the arrival of royalty she understood, but could have lived without.

"Coming!" came a call like white fire across her ears and brain. Too white, too bright, came the unicorn she sought.

"Good proprietress. These garments I have need. To wit, a saddle of good leather."

"Oh course, one needs a change occasionally, and to feel pretty."

"All rest has been shorn from the sleep I have managed. Nightmares most harrowing have gildriged before the sleeping, royal eyes for seeming months on end. And a dragon has voided its bowels in the royal mouth," Luna said, and stared at the stunned mare until there was only one of her again. "Pretty is not a best potion, option!"

"Perhaps you need to lie down," the mare suggested.

"What we need is a bridle, well-fitted and sparingly apporinted, appointed! Lo, even my tongue, faithful servant all these centuries, even it betrays me."

"Yes," Rarity said carefully.

"Were it not for its long and faithful service. I would have it dragged out and nailed to a barn door."

"Your Highness might have need of it, later."

"There is no 'later', my good mare. Because I am willingly walking into a colossal prank by Seabiscia, Solestia, my exalted sister! That might just be the solution to all iteedale prosblems, things."

"Perhaps some coffee?" Rarity offered warily.

"Coffee has already betrayed the crown this day!" Luna shouted, "No further chance for treachery will be offered!"

"I assure you, your Highness. My coffee is quite loyal."

"Ah," Luna said wisely, "Then show me to this last bastion of royalismistics."

Celestia burst into the Royal Kitchens. "Out out!" she called, as the kitchen staff filed out. They had heard the rumors, and prepared what they hoped were the ingredients their sovereign needed. If they couldn't help, they could still serve to the best of their ability. Only one griffon remained, Gustav Le Grand.

"No one may interfere," Celestia said grimly.

The griffon pastry chef held up a clipboard, "I shall in no way interfere. But a treat lost this long millennium? My government, and my colleagues would pluck me naked if I were to let such a chance go. So, unless you call your guards, I am here."

"A copy of that -"

"Shall go in next months issue of The Pastries Extraordinarie," the chef assured her, "Friendships have been lost over far less." The normally ebullient griffon appeared downcast. "I have also heard rumors of the 'representative' who will arrive 'unannounced' at the welcome party."

"Who?" Celestia asked as she laid out the ingredients.

"Steel Feather."

The revelation was nearly enough to ruin her good mood at the joke she was playing in.

"You are disappointed? I am proud of my nation. To think that lifeless, sour husk will appear before your visitor, as the example of the entire griffon nation. That sour ball with feathers will ensure 'le monster' will never speak to another griffon as long as he lives," the chef complained.

"His cooking skills have appeared to be rudimentary, at best," Celestia said.

"Ah! I know you, and you know me. Even the mistakes that he makes will be different. Viva la difference. We can correct, and learn. I look to it eagerly."

Celestia nodded, and began to prepare. Her audience remained silent, but noted everything and every nuance.

"Feeling better?" Rarity asked of her Highness, and considered how large a crowbar would be needed to pry her royal hooves from the coffee mug.

"No, but the hideousness of my condition now displays itself in absolute clarity," Luna articulated precisely as she stared at the mug. "If circumstances permit you an opportunity to view our monster's nightmares. Avail yourself instead of the quickest transportation away from the offerer."

"Bad?" Rarity asked.

"No vitriol in existence will efface the images from my mind, yet I am sorely tempted to try them all." Luna let out a long, slow breath. "I thank you for your patience, and the coffee. I suspect I was babbling like a madmare."

"You did request a saddle, and a bridle," Rarity said as she sat at the table beside the princess.

"The order is genuine, but not complete. I also require a bit."

"A bit of what?" Rarity asked nervously.

"I am no longer addled, so please play no games with me. Saddle, bit and bridle."

"Your Highness, the saddle is no problem. The bridle, well, the avant garde wear them to show their contempt for classical styles. But the bit." She paused to consider. "Highness. It is only commonly used by certain ponies, for certain types of play. Adult, intimate play."

"Miss Rarity, I am not so unaware of the proclivities of ponies beneath my moon. I am aware of how Equestria views these 'garments'. I am also aware, that our monster recognizes us, as species he is familiar with. And that these tools are the means to ride creatures much like alicorns, or larger."

"Lying on a pony's back?" Rarity asked.

"For a pony, perhaps, but for an alicorn." She released the mug, and stepped away from the table. "Especially one full-grown." She took her fully mature, Celestia-like form.

Rarity to her credit didn't turn away or run screaming from what seemed almost exactly Nightmare Moon returned.

"We rarely use this form, for reasons you could innumerate quite well," Luna said.

"Yes, your Highness."

"But this is the form I wish to have the tools fitted to, as soon as possible."

"But isn't our monster supposed to be going on a picnic with Dinky, Derpy and Spike?" Rarity asked.

"How swiftly can you procure these, items?"

"Well, if you'll settle for a wooden bit, I have them in stock. You aren't so large around the barrel that I'd have to modify anything. As I said, the ponies who, play, want these on a fairly regular basis. If he is to, ride you," Rarity said very cautiously, "Then I should probably include the stirrups. I never thought they had a practical application, until I saw our monster. They're for his feet."

Luna nodded. "Take your measurements. A few days will be satisfactory."

"Your Highness," Rarity asked carefully, "What exactly are you trying to achieve with these items?"

Luna sighed and rested her chin on Rarity's head. "Celestia has cast herself as the villain, and I, and this form which terrifies most ponies, are to be the fluffy savior."

Rarity nodded, and glanced at the coffee, and the stairs. She weighed her chances.

"He looks better than he did yesterday," Derpy whispered to Spike as Dinky bounced eagerly and told their confused fourth all about what she'd learned in school and how grateful she was for the math help.

He nodded and pulled a number of cloth bags with straps up onto his shoulders. Spike already had the blanket out, and they'd left their lunches on it.

"Oh cookies!" Dinky said happily. Spike and the two adults stopped her.

"Remember the 'baked bads'?" Spike asked the unicorn, "That made everybody sick?"

"Yes," Dinky said.

"Well, Pinkie made these the same way. Except she added something to make it worse," Spike said.

"Why would she do that?" Dinky asked as they passed the inner defensive layer of 'mines'.

"Because she knew he wouldn't eat them, and anything that slipped past the guards would eat them, and get very sick before they could hurt our friend," Spike explained.

"So he won't have to shoot any more?" Dinky asked.

"Exactly," Derpy said, "So nopony has to get hurt."

"Okay!" Dinky accepted it.

Spike and Derpy relaxed. Their guest was already setting out several, large, multi-compartmented plates and was putting collections of different foodstuffs in the depressions of the plates.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Spike announced, and pulled the muffins from the bag and began handing them out. The smell of cinnamon and blueberries filled the air.

"These are - them?" Derpy sounded almost religious.

"It would be an insult not to eat them," Spike said, heading off what he too often encountered with his best friend.

"Of course, but, her Majesty," Derpy breathed.

"They're delicious!" Dinky announced on demolishing one.

Spike gave her another, and ate one himself. Only then did their guest eat one, and smiled.

Luna looked up from her notes, to her chamberlain. The green unicorn had burst into her tent as if time were of the essence, but hadn't addressed her directly.

"Quickly, bring them in, bring them in!" he ordered to someone outside, "While the monster is distracted, we shall rescue her Highness's soul from torment!"

She was about to remonstrate her chamberlain that today was not a day for such games, when Peaceful Solitude cantered in, and she smelled them. For the entire tray piled high with those treats that the lieutenant carried, Luna would have put up with Discord himself, for a few moments.

"Get one under her nose, let her smell it," Emerald Light urged, "Careful she'll be disoriented and may bite."

"You hold that still or I'll bite off your leg at the shoulder," Luna told the smirking lieutenant. The lieutenant practically stood at attention as Luna bit. And chewed. Both Emerald Light and Peaceful Solitude watched with rapt attention. "Please leave the tray," she said, on confirming that a thousand years had dulled her memory of just how delicious these were. "Emerald Light, just what was that pantomime in aid of?" she asked as the lieutenant hurried out.

"Her Highness was despondent and listless. Captain Armor believed that the monster had captured part of her soul. I insisted that our guest would never had done such a thing maliciously, but agreed with his plan to distract it, and to give her Highness the impetus to escape whatever iron bands, or velvet clutches he held her in."

"Would you believe that there are nobles in Canterlot who think the two of you are far-too-serious, rigid mossbacks."

"With respect your Highness, that is impossible. Anyone who would believe that, I suspect is incapable of thinking," he said with a perfectly straight face, "It will send a message to her Majesty that the Captain's daring plan went swimmingly."

Luna glanced at the tray in front of her. "Light, I can share these. I really shouldn't just gobble them down myself."

"Highness, you should. Her Majesty delivered two barrels full. They are being disseminated to your troops, and many of the locals in Ponyville. Those who might actually eat one, rather than make a shrine out of it."

"So, none for Twilight?" Luna asked and raised an eyebrow.

"No, her brother wanted to give her a bag full, and only tell her the source after she'd eaten the first."

"Secure the breakables and prepare for an explosion," Luna suggested, and ate another muffin, savoring every bite, "And put Pinkie Pie on protected watch, she may do something drastic."

"She's already trying to develop a cupcake version, Highness," Light said as he withdrew.

Dinky was asleep under her mother's wing, and Derpy herself was drowsing on the blanket, enjoying a full stomach and Celestia's sun on her back.

The monster carefully removed several pages from the satchel it had brought with the food. He handed the pages to Spike.

The dragon's blood ran cold as he looked at what was printed, and what it represented. "This is only thirty pages," Spike whispered in awe, "But it's a beginning." On each sheet was a copy of a page of an Equestrian picture dictionary, and a corresponding copy from the monster's book.

"Lilac, rose, pegasus, unicorn," he said as he paged through them. Then looked up at the monster. He pointed to the pronunciation guide. "Li-la-c." He pointed to each separated syllable. "Li-la-c."

The monster's pronunciation was utterly unintelligible, but he pointed to a similar division of the title word, and duplicated Spike's performance.

"Sorry, I'm not even gonna try, but I get the message. That's how the word is broken down. That's how it's pronounced. If anyone on Equestria besides you could pronounce it." Spike thought a moment, and drew a picture of a pile of books, an arrow, and a sheet with two facing pages. "How?"

The creature spent several minutes puzzling out the diagram of how the pages were produced. Many of the items were simply fancy boxes with strange additions. But one caught Spike's eye, the one that produced the finished pages.

"You have ink for that?" Spike asked.

If that press needs ink, getting the right kind is going to be nearly impossible, he thought, remembering his own trials in getting the exact, right color of inks for Twilight's researches. Spike held up an ink bottle and pointed to the printing box.

"Don't take it hard big guy," Spike said of the monster's despondency, and scratched out a dragon figure with one ink bottle going away, and an arrow to the figure returning with a wagon load of the stuff. "I don't know of anyplace else to get them."

The figure smiled, but shook his head. He seemed to think the idea laughable.

"Can I at least try?" Spike asked. When the figure looked at him in confusion Spike muttered, "Why is it you can read a pony's expression and tone, but not mine?"

The monster circled the ink bottle the departing Spike-figure carried, and drew an ink bottle in the hand of the returning Spike.

"Oh, you want the original back undamaged," Spike realized and nodded vigorously.

He nodded, and returned to the house. He came out carrying two small boxes as if they were Equestria's own honor.

No, that's the future. If that's how to get the magic out of that collection of boxes, then you better believe I'm going to take care of it, Spike realized. He accepted the brightly colored, cardboard boxes reverently and wrapped them carefully, before putting them away.

"Say, how about another muffin?" Derpy said quietly.

"Why not," Spike replied. "I'm glad you can't understand words," Spike said to the happily chewing guest, "No telling how you'd react to these if you know."

Pinkie stood in the darkness and held her triumph over her head. "They said it couldn't be done! They scoffed when I said I'd do it, but BEHOLD!"

There was a crash like thunder.

"I have created the ruling cupcake. All others will bow to this, the Master Cupcake!" The mare's mad laughter signaled another peal like thunder and the brilliant light.

"Pinkie, can we start baking some of them?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"And can I quit rattling this piece of tin?" Mr. Cake asked, "It hurts my ears."

"Sure, I wrote the final recipe down and we should be ready to start our first batch." Pinkie let out an insane cackle. "Oops, sorry."

"Why are you laughing?" Twilight shouted at Shining Armor as Spike returned to the library.

"Because it was funny. You were enjoying it, right up to when I told you who made them." Armor said, "Then you completely panicked."

"Of course I panicked!" Twilight shot back, "Celestia made these, with her own hooves! We shouldn't be just casually -"

"Eating them?" Spike asked, "But that's what these muffins are for. That's why Celestia made them."

"But we shouldn't just gobble them down," Twilight moaned.

"After the first, she devoured four, before I could tell her," Armor whispered to Spike.

"Why do I think Princess Celestia would be delighted by that reaction?" Spike whispered back.

"I shall just have to apologize to Celestia. Spike, take a letter."

"No," Spike replied, "I have something more important to think about."

"Spike, I have insulted my tutor, Princess Celestia. What could be more important than that?"

"The big guy made thirty pages of an Equestrian to monster dictionary, and needs more ink to continue," Spike said, stunning both unicorns.

"Ink!" Twilight exclaimed, "Of course. He'll need special ink, only the very best. But will our ink be what he needs, and will it work?"

"I have a sample for duplication," Spike said, "You just need to run a duplication spell, and we can give him all the ink he needs."

"Twilie, there's a rock outside we can use as base material. It should give us all the mass we need," Armor suggested excitedly.

"Yes!" She dashed outside. Armor and Spike exchanged a worried glance and strolled after her. Twilight had cleared the area around a rock bigger than Spike. "Where's the ink?"

"Right here," Spike said and set the two packages on the ground. "But I think you should know -"

"Spike, I need absolute silence. This spell has to be perfect."

"But Twilight!" Spike warned,

"Not a word!" Twilight said as her horn glowed brilliantly.

Then darkness descended on all three of them with a thundering roar.

"Spike? Twilie?" Armor said.

"Here."

"I'm okay," Spike replied.

"Spike, I'm guessing those ink boxes aren't very heavy," Armor said, "And we turned that entire rock into them."

"Yep, pretty light," the dragon replied. "How long are we going to be here, before someone digs us out?"

"I think my sergeant is going to get nervous when he can't find me," Armor assured the others, "In about five minutes."

"That I can live with," Spike said. "I was going to suggest we use a smaller rock next time. But we have a lifetime supply, so I don't think anyone has to worry about it."

Twilight moaned at that.

The delivery of a full wagon load of ink boxes stunned the monster. He opened several of the boxes to verify the contents. The bags inside, and the boxes inside those seemed to meet his approval. Although his amazement didn't cease.

"I don't think he understands that we can exactly duplicate what he has," Twilight said as he transferred the loose containers into other boxes, "But we might not understand what it is."

"Can you tell me how to draw a picture of that?" Spike asked as he returned the two originals.

Twilight stared at the wall of books with a feeling of determination. "Soon. Soon," she promised.

The Diamond Dog burrowed up from beneath the ground. He barely raised his head out of the hole, seeing whether he remained undetected.

"Ponies is stupid," he said as he slunk out of the hole. "Oh, cookies for Diamond Dogs. But a bribe will not stay our wrath." He sniffed at it, then grabbed the plate to take back to his boss. "Maybe he share with me. Maybe me tell him only two on plate," he said as he dropped back into the hole.

Several minutes later, the hole was filled up, and the quiet darkness reigned over all the area.

Day 8

"I'm doomed," he said as he looked through another book and returned it to the shelf. "Entire rooms full of books, and not one stinking book on proper fashions," he lamented. "Baseball I could understand. Soccer I could believe, but clothing?"

He picked up a book on the American Civil War. "I am not wearing a Zouave uniform. Hell, they don't know our customs. Maybe I should show up wearing only a hat. One with a great, big ostrich or peacock feather."

He snapped his fingers. "Birthday presents," he said and headed to that cabinet. He pulled the book out, and mockingly, it fell open to the page showing front and back, exactly the style he wanted. "I am not taking my niece's Sailor Moon Art book in for an alien pony to make a swallow-tail tuxedo." He looked down at the picture and the diagrams beside it and sighed.

Still holding his finger to mark the page, he walked through his house, looking at the collection of literature, science and engineering texts, books on history and philosophy, and the rest of his eclectic collection. He sighed. "Unless I have absolutely no other rational alternative. And the encyclopedias are out." He put a bookmark in the book and he began searching again.

"Coming!" Rarity called as the shop's door chimes rang. She stopped as she saw who had entered, and was automatically moving towards the 'monster-manikin' she had in the tallest part of the shop. She watched it move, how the clothing it wore moved with it.

I think I understand Applejack's and Fluttershy's fascination, Rarity thought as she made her approach, This is a predator, it moves like a predator and watches like one. But strangely gentle and skittish. Applejack could hardly ignore the challenge, like driving off the Timberwolves from cows. Poor mare probably didn't even realize what she was feeling. Rarity suppressed an elegant shudder as it turned to face her, and stared. Then it's expression softened.

Fluttershy saw only its meekness and care. By Celestia, it's twice as tall as I am. She looked up at is and smiled her winningest smile.

"How may I help you?"

He held out the invitation to the welcoming party, set a suitcase on the table and opened it. Rarity forced herself to remain calm.

They do have fashions, she thought as she looked at the suit, shirt, vest and tie he carefully laid out. It is elegantly austere, she thought, Different enough from the daily work clothes, but hardly as ostentatious as our formal wear. Of course, Rarity, they wear clothes all the time. So the formal wear is only a step up.

Then it opened the book, and the dashing figure wore clothing that made an odd confluence of pony flamboyance, and monster solemnity. The obvious admiration of the smaller figures around him, clearly his herd, marked this as a monster-stallion of power and gravity. The myriad bows and ribbons of the monster-mares showed a more pony-like festivity.

"Ah, the stallion wears the solid clothing, and the mares have all the bows and color," she said, "But black, does it really have to be black?" She pointed a hoof at the brown and dark blue of the two sets of clothing he'd brought in.

He puzzled for a moment, and brought out a white handkerchief. Solid white.

Rarity cleared her throat, and considered. How do you tell someone that white is generally considered a royal color? And that even her Highness Princess Celestia breaks it up with adornments? she wondered. I can't, of course, and I would never offend a customer by implying otherwise.

He seemed ashamed that he had only a handful of bits to pay her. Rarity accepted what he'd offered. Just the costumes she'd seen on that one page would fuel her 'idea!'s for a month. And the book was thick, and apparently full of illustrations. More than adequate, she thought happily as she directed him over to the monster-manikin to get the measurements.

Pinkie watched the monster come out of the Carousel Boutique. She dashed out and was standing beside it the moment it started walking. Although bursting with questions, she kept silent. Just walking. Not moving ahead, not falling behind. She wrestled down her desire to ask all the things she wanted to know about this creature.

But Sergeant Mile Stone says we have to make it feel safe, she thought as she walked alongside, looking where it looked, keeping the same distance apart, and not doing anything that might scare it, or even draw its attention.

When she could barely stand it, she walked down an alleyway between two building, then turned and galloped away.

"Who are you? Why are you here? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Who's buried in Star-Swirl's tomb? Is eating meat as weird as it sounds? How many VanHooverians does it take to mail a letter? What's seven times six?" she shouted as she ran back towards Sugarcube Corner. "AUUGH!"

Peaceful Solitude looked after the retreating pink mare, and over to the other rear guard the monster had. "Do you have any idea what that was all about?"

The guard's stoic expression never wavered. "Ma'am, these ponies willingly live a stone's throw from the Everfree. I quit trying to figure them out the minute I learned that."

"The curse of being an officer. I suppose I could ask," Peaceful Solitude said.

"Yes ma'am. I'll alert the medics, and I'll have to ask you to hand over any sharp objects you're carrying," the soldier said.

"I swear Twilight, it's no wonder he was violent," Rarity said as she showed the book to Twilight in a private room in the library. "This poor herd is fighting these, well monsters it seems, all the time. Even the little ones have to fight. I would have thought with the weapons it has, his people would have cleared their whole planet of monsters."

"Rarity. 'Their whole planet', that's it!" Twilight exclaimed. "That's why it's here! That's what it's been doing! It was a scout. Probably one of hundreds or thousands, sent out by its government to find the home planet of these monsters and -" Twilight stopped and considered the implications of what she'd been thinking. That one being with its house had been considered adequate to destroy an entire planet's population. Or a large portion of it. And it was sitting just outside of Ponyville. Her eyes grew wide and her ears drooped.

"Twilight," Rarity said calmly, "Twilight! It stopped. As soon as it realized we weren't its enemy, it stopped. It isn't going to blow us all up, and slit our throats in the night. We aren't the monsters who have been attacking his home, he knows that now."

"Yes. I can just imagine what it would have been like if he didn't realize that," Twilight said worriedly and chuckled nervously.

"Twilight," Rarity chided as she hooved through the book. "None of these creatures look anywhere near the same. That stallion's herd are all similar, with those two looking nearly alike except for clothing color and mane style. As soon as he saw Dinky Hooves and Dinky Doo, he knew we were not the enemy."

"Yeah, scary possibility," Twilight laughed nervously.

Rarity flipped the page. "Scarier that this might actually happen to these poor dears." She shrugged. "Or this may be tied to a Daring Doo-type adventure story. A brave group of mares with their dashing stallion protecting their world from the monsters of the void."

"And I thought I read too many books," Twilight teased. Then she caught the glint in Rarity's eye. "You have an idea! Don't you?" She grinned as Rarity giggled.

Twilight looked at her Highness, her brother and the observer corps cadre. "It's really just a question of bits. I don't think we can expect Derpy to hire him as a foal-sitter every day, and I doubt the Apple family has enough work for a regular hired, ah hand. Eventually, he is going to run out of money, if he already hasn't, and there has to be some means to provide for his needs."

"If nightmares were saleable, we could bottle his and have the scariest stories imaginable." Luna rubbed a hoof on her forehead.

"I take it you want something that will keep him producing that Equestrian-Monster dictionary," Shining Armor said. Twilight nodded.

"We could formally arrest him," Mile Stone said. He looked around at the stunned gazes from the others. "We essentially have him under house arrest as it is. Wherever he goes, he's under guard. He will not be permitted to leave Ponyville unless one of the princesses orders it. He hasn't tried to press that barrier except the once, and her Highness went after him. Call it protective custody if you want. It's a political fiction with real roots to the conditions that exist. He will be provided the necessary sustenance from the crown."

"I can't imagine he'd be too happy with finding this out," Peaceful Solitude said, "Suddenly finding out you're a prisoner."

"He's a prisoner even if he has the run of Equestria, lass," Mile Stone said gently, "This isn't home. And while we aren't standing in the way of his return, this isn't home."

"It would give him the food he needs," Shining Armor agreed, "But what about spending money, and freedom to travel?"

"At the moment, he's an illiterate deaf-mute," Mile Stone said, "He strikes me as the type to want to bend his efforts to ameliorating that condition first. Even if it is part of a greater plan to escape. He has access to alien tools, but with a very limited set of resources and they mostly depend on that building for power. Those two vehicles cannot have tremendous range, and any pegasus can catch the monster-powered two-wheeler. There are odd-jobs he can do around Ponyville to allow him exercise and a degree of socialization. And to get him the spending money he needs."

"How do we explain?" Twilight said, "And what if he wants to go exploring?"

"Smart lad like that will ask the first time, and get approval from her Highness," Mile Stone said and bowed to Princess Luna, "After a while, once he understands the language she can extend the boundaries. He'll still need a guard. The last thing we need is him wandering into the Everfree, and choking some poor monster to death when it eats him. When he's literate enough to protest, he's literate to extend the boundaries."

"I don't like doing this to somepony," Twilight said, "He's done nothing wrong."

"Technically, Twilie, his house is here squatting on land he doesn't own. He's killed one person, and wounded another. His very person is here without documentation of any kind. And if you really wanted to be paranoid, why did he land outside the town where the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony all live?"

"It's not fair," Twilight said.

"That's true, but it is essentially what we're doing now," Shining Armor explained, "This way we can help him. If you feel really bad, bake him a cake with a file in it. Or buy him a harmonia." The glare from his little sister was worth it.

"You were extremely quiet, your Highness," Shining Armor said as they walked under the night sky. "If it isn't prying, is there something troubling you?"

"Beside that creature, beside the games my sister plays balancing its needs with our ponies', beside the fact that I have an extreme dislike of captivity and yet I am in charge of holding another being more isolated that even I was? Not a thing," Luna said. "Captain, while I look the same age as your sister, I am ancient. Time has erased the record of what Celestia and I had to do, and what we paid to defeat Discord, and others. All of you are innocent, in ways neither Celestia nor I can truly be. In there is a monster, who is oddly like us. Alien, alone, hooves stained with blood, yet striving to do what is right. Do I understand it, or have I deluded myself that I understand it because of the apparent similarities? If we are comparable, and it is a danger, that it has buried its deadliness deep, am I also a threat? Celestia faced a choice of her ponies, or my freedom. Possibly my life. She chose her ponies, and I languished a thousand years. Would it be more merciful to smother that creature in its sleep, so it may at least rejoin those of its kind who have gone before? Or keep it here until we tire of its tricks, or it lashes out and we banish it to afflict some future?"

"Highness, I'm not sure I understand. If it is a threat, then deal with it then. If it isn't, then the plans are for the next problem. Second guessing yourself and the universe doesn't help." He rolled his eyes. "Believe me, I know. Deal with it as it is, not as you hope or fear it will be. Plan for the worst, and enjoy being pleasantly surprised. If all else fails, go bullyrag it like Applejack did. It seems to have a childlike streak of fun in it. If it turns savage, then deal with it at that point."

"Captain, I understand your position, but from my experience, that is a terrible idea," Luna said, "But thank you for it anyway."

Author's Note

No, Luna was not drunk, just terribly sleep-deprived and exhausted.

And Derpy does not have one in a little shrine in her house. She has a picture of one.

PonyMagiTech gets a chance to shine.

4) Redactions

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Redactions

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 8

"So you thought you could just use the Elements and I would go away?"

Luna heard the voice, a voice that had tormented her for over a millennium. "The Elements banished you back into the dark hole you crawled out of!" she growled her reply, but searched the darkness around her for any clue to her location or her opponent.

"But there are cracks and folds I could hide in. Even all the scrubbing of your soul can't wash away where my talons left their mark."

"Then I name you, Nightmare Moon. You are just a children's story now. An excuse for pranks and eating candy," Luna spoke to the darkness all around her.

"But I have a new place. I have a new dwelling. It isn't as fine as my old shell. But it will resist you far longer that I could alone."

"Reveal it, and I shall put your boast to the test," Luna called out. The darkness lifted. The monster's house stood revealed. "I have seen his mind, and his fears," Luna told her tormentor, "You would have no chance. They would run you down and crush you."

"I, take possession of that apelike meatbag?" the entity who had made Luna into Nightmare Moon laughed. "The house I possess. And I brought a ready defender. You will destroy all he has worked for to root me out? You will destroy him?"

"I think once we explain it," Luna said, "He will do the job himself." She looked around. "Did you honestly expect to hide from me in a dream? In a dream of my own?"

"I never left," the voice taunted, "What you became will always be me. But so much of it was also you. The Elements cannot deny that there are things that Celestia has, which will never be yours."

She caught the flawed logic. "And there is something Celestia herself has seen which I alone have. It balances out." Her horn blazed, and lying on the ground were bits of armor, and a long, sharp, alicorn horn. "If you were anything except my own anxiety, I would harry you to the ends of the dream realms."

"Bury me away, lock me in symbols that you never touch, exile me to the darkest places in your mind, but you cannot deny that you first invited me in."

Luna ignored the laughter and marched into the house through the glass doors without opening or damaging them.

Luna woke from the dream and glanced around. She lay on the carpeted floor of the monster's house, a blanket over her, and a black, stuffed toy clutched in her hooves. "I think I am not yet free of the effects of last night," she said quietly. She looked around again. "I just hope Captain Armor has an explanation of how I arrived here if this isn't just another dream. I would dread to think I had become a sleep walker, or worse, a sleep teleporter."

She looked at the details of the carpet, and her hoof. "And if this too is just a dream, how deeply am I enmeshed? Luna, in retrospect 'borrowing' much of his psychosis so he might heal himself of the rest was an extraordinarily bad idea."

Luna stood in the main square of Ponyville. Life went on around her with an air of total normality. "This is not Ponyville," she growled, "They were preparing for the welcome party. There was controlled chaos everywhere. This is yet another dream."

"Hiii!" Pinkie said as she bounced around, "This is great! Don't you think it's great? We can have a party before the party! A pre-party party! And then when the other guests arrive, we can invite them here and have a post-party party!"

"And you think you can escape this place?" Luna asked.

"Sure," Pinkie said and raced for the horizon.

Luna heard the scream and watched the pinkie blur descend from directly above and crash into the ground.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Pinkie Pie explained. Her voice distorted by her face being flattened. Pinkie shook her head, returning it to normal. "Hmm, something's not right about all of this."

"Do tell?" the Princess asked.

"Princess Luna!" Twilight arrived. "My books! They're all talking! Well, complaining. They're accusing me of hoarding them, and wearing out their words by reading them and -"

"If I'm right corporal, you are in a lot of trouble," Shining Armor told the terrified soldier as he Glory, Mile Stone and several other guards arrived. "We're asleep. Aren't we your Highness?" Armor glared at the corporal who visibly wilted.

"Unfortunately, yes," Luna admitted.

"Isn't it great?!" Pinkie shouted. "We can play and have fun all night, and then wake up and play so more."

"Assuming we can deal with the insanity," Twilight said as she looked back at the library and shuddered.

The arrival of a black, horseless wagon containing the monster and the Apple family stilled talk for a bit as the family extricated themselves with the monster's help. Applebloom seemed the most enthusiastic to have ridden in it. Granny Smith had slept through it.

"If we're asleep, how did she fall asleep during a dream?" Twilight asked.

"Ah'd like to know when Discord got loose," Applejack said. "We got zap apples big as hoofballs growing on the cornstalks, muffins growin' on the apple trees, the timberwolves have been deliverin' written apologies to the cows, and this you have to see." She waved Applebloom forward. The filly was carefully carrying a basket that was lined with a doll-sized quilt. She set it down. Inside were seven, tiny Rainbow Dashes. Cyan body and mane a different, single color of the rainbow.

"What's happening!?" the chorus of Dashes asked.

"It's a dream!" Pip said as he and several other foals trotted up. "Princess Luna will set it right!"

His loyalty warmed Luna's heart. "We'll get out," she assured him.

"This is fascinating. I've never heard of ponies all sharing a dream," Twilight said. She was immediately surrounded by a swarm of Rainbow Dashes.

"If you think this is 'wonderful'," the chorus complained. "I just want it to be over."

"Well, someone got up on the wrong side of her basket," Rarity said as she arrived. "I think someone should check up on Fluttershy. She was dozing in my spare room, but she wasn't there when I woke here. And if I can't find Sweetie Belle, she is going to be in trouble for being up and about at this hour."

The sound of a trumpet fanfare drew Luna's attention. The monster was looking rather chagrined and irritated at having made the noise.

"Do it again!" Pinkie said as she bounced next to him, "Do it again!"

He stuck out his tongue and made a noise like the rapid fire of party cannons. Then frowned and scowled at Luna.

"At least someone is having a worse day than I am," Luna admitted. "Spitfire, take a local pegasus and go to Fluttershy's cottage. Stay in sight of each other at all times." She rubbed her forehead with her hoof.

Before the Wonderbolt could leave, Fluttershy arrived, with the mayor, Derpy and Dinky, several more Ponyvillians, and a second Luna.

"There she is," Fluttershy said. She stood beside her Luna and pointed to the Luna beside Twilight and Rarity.

"Now I see where this is going," Luna said despondently.

The other Luna ordered, "Seize the imposter! She is Nightmare Moon revived!"

The ponies gasped and backed away from Luna. Several of the guards charged their horns, as did Twilight and Rarity.

"Yes, I am Nightmare Moon!" the Luna beside Twilight announced, "I am going to mine the moon and give free cheese to everyone until the griffon cheese manufacturers are driven out of business!" Luna shouted and cackled, "Then I am going to change all the tablecloths into doilies and make brass the next flavor of ice cream! Because I am EVIL!" She laughed and rubbed her hooves together. "Then I am going to draft every able-bodied stallion into my personal harem, and make them feed me peeled grapes all night long!" She sidled up to Rarity. "Clothing will be banned!"

"Oh the horror," Rarity said and rolled her eyes.

"Everyone will wear decorative moustaches! Hats will henceforth be called head rockets, and -" Luna sighed. "I just want this to be over," she said and hung her head.

There was a very unfunny bang. Fluttershy stared at the monster as he lowered the smoking carrot he'd 'shot' the other Luna with. The horn with the smoking base and bits of armor were all that was left of that Luna.

"That's Nightmare Moon's armor!" Twilight gasped.

"Yes, darling," Rarity said, "We shall have an end to it. Lotus Blossom, Aloe, take her Highness to the spa. Full treatment."

"I don't think a spa treatment is going to help," Luna said.

"Oh, I think it will. And we're going to have a little chat while we're at it," Rarity said. Outwardly all smiles and silk, with sharpened steel beneath. "Oh Fluttershy, would you mind accompanying us. I think the Princess could use a bit of a massage while Lotus and Aloe are making her all wonderful."

"Ah, okay," the yellow pegasus said and followed.

"What are we supposed to do?" Twilight asked.

"Why don't you go reread all your books? Or have a reshelving party?"

"Ooo! I can test my new party cannon!" Pinkie announced, "The one I just thought of!"

"Of course, dear." Rarity looked at the spot where Pinkie Pie had been as the Pinkie- shaped cloud dissipated. "Then the rest of you can spend the rest of this nightmare scooping cake frosting off the buildings," Rarity said.

"Oh, and you, Mister Monster, please accompany us," Rarity said. When he didn't move, Rarity smiled. "Fluttershy, please escort our guest to the spa. I'm sure he is simply bursting to help."

"I don't think a facial and a bath will help matters," Luna said, "For either of us."

"Oh, I'm sure they will." Rarity smiled. Then the grin changed, becoming dangerous. She said quietly, "I'm equally sure our affable, high-strung monster's carrot is still loaded. Now move, your Highness." Rarity bowed, but never stopped smiling, and never took her eyes off Luna.

Rarity's horn magic carefully lifted the near-puddle that was the princess out of the hot tub, and onto a massage bed. The shampoo and wing wash had done their work, aided in no small part by Lotus and Aloe's eager and inventive new assistant. If he ever needs a job, those two will be able to charge premium prices for a short treatment with him, Rarity thought and hid her eager grin before she frightened somepony, But the hot, herbal soak reduced her Highness to pudding. As planned.

"Fingers," Luna said drowsily as Aloe applied the facial and Lotus Blossom began a hooficure. The monster, under Fluttershy's careful instruction, managed to combine toweling off Luna with a massage.

Oh, they'd better hire him. If he goes into business, he'll drive them out of it, Rarity considered.

"I am so glad we can communicate," Rarity happily said to him.

Malevolent grins being universal, and the more the princess demurred, the more eager he was to help, she thought as she watched her plans come together, She enjoyed the shampoo and wing wash. Good to know he'll know how to do it later.

"Now your Highness. I hope you're feeling very relaxed," Rarity said as she stood near Luna's head, "Because there's only one being in Equestria who could draw an entire town into a dream. And it isn't Nightmare Moon."

"You accuse me?" Luna said, but the tension drifted away under the combined ministrations of Rarity's coconspirators.

"I make the logical deduction," Rarity said cheerfully. "You were quite disturbed about how you were going to save our friend. You spoke of specific items and instances I won't go into here. I think you want to blame someone, anyone else, for what you did. You can't forgive yourself, because you haven't asked him to forgive you."

"How do I ask forgiveness? In a few months I might be able to write a note. Right now, it is impossible."

"Put yourself in his hands. Show the consequences of what you did and how it hurt you. I think that's been demonstrated rather clearly. Everyone seems to forget an important part of Dinky and Dinky's story. The Diamond Dog who called off his fellows and didn't attack, escaped unscathed," Rarity said, "You were right about the Bearers of the Elements. But I think you were wrong about one thing. Something we've all been wrong about for centuries."

"What's that?" Luna said languidly as the relaxation worked its magic.

"There is a 'social' species on Equestria. One who doesn't need a herd to feel comfortable, but does desperately need others."

"What species is that?" Luna asked sleepily.

"Alicorns," Rarity replied softly. "Someone did something awful to save a life. Now she wants to be punished. You are punishing yourself. But you also need to be forgiven so the punishment can end." She leaned close and whispered to Luna, "I think if you are going to go trotting along everywhere, someone is going to need to know how to properly comb and curry a mare."

Luna bolted to her feet. "What?!" She'd scattered her attendant and their tools. Fluttershy was hiding among the ceiling rafters.

"Do you really want me to repeat it?" Rarity asked. She smiled at her Highness.

Luna bowed her head. "I hate this."

"If you want to be forgiven, you have to humble yourself. I think someone wants to forgive you almost as much as you need to hear it." Rarity looked at the others who were listening intently. All of them. "Now ladies, our new friend needs to know how to curry up a mare so she gleams like a showpony." As Rarity grinned wickedly at Luna, and she saw the answering grin on the monster's face.

Luna seated herself back on the table and braced for all the horrors of a clumsy brushing.

Rarity closed the door once the others filed out into the hallways of the spa. Leaving Luna and the monster alone.

"What was that secret you and her Highness were talking about?" Lotus asked eagerly.

"A lady never gossips," Rarity said primly, "About ponies who can lock you up for the rest of your life."

"Will they be all right?" Fluttershy asked as she tried to peek under the door.

"You seem to trust him," Rarity said.

"Oh, I meant Princess Luna, with him. She seems to get angry very easily."

"Well girls, I will say this," Rarity whispered. She had the trio's complete and undivided attention. "Someone desperately needed a special somepony."

"With him?" Aloe squeaked.

"Don't be so crass," Rarity scolded, "To brush and curry her. To listen to her complaints and sympathize. But she is a Princess. Immortal. A god among ponies. What stallion could she trust who would be there for her, and not for her position?"

"A monster, who cares nothing for those things," Lotus said. "But when he learns?"

"My dear Lotus, he shan't care then either. As that charming Captain Armor said, the poor dear walks as if a bright blade hovers over his head restrained by a single hair. That the blade has a name would not matter."

"They would - kill him?" Aloe said and gulped.

"If he is as dangerous as Discord, or Nightmare Moon, the pony-sisters would deal with him. Not easily and not gently. But we all know he isn't. You saw. Now we shall -" Rarity looked out the window at Ponyville and her eyes widened at what had half-covered the town. "We shall hope Pinkie runs out of ammunition. Before she buries all of Equestria in cupcakes."

Luna woke. The words she'd been forced to utter burned her pride. Worse, the only answer had been a pat, and the soothing stroke of the brush though her coat, her mane and her tail.

"This is the waking world," Emerald Light said as he glowed with his namesake.

"A dream could say as much," Luna replied. The languid feeling of the dream persisted. "Am I a nice pony?" she asked quietly.

"You and her Majesty are good ponies," Emerald Light said, "It is not necessarily the same. If my hoof was infected, you would cut it off immediately, and perhaps without my agreement, to save my leg. That is not a comfortable place to be. But it is very necessary for anyone who commands. I do not like firing any member of your staff. Especially one you have come to know. But while they can be your friend. Their first task is to do the job they were hired for. Charming ponies are common. Charming ponies who can still work are the ones you need. I dare say, the situation is greater with you and your sister."

"Yes," Luna replied.

"Once the party is over, and the guests have returned home, I suggest a quiet canter in the country. Perhaps a single stallion, properly armed, to jaunt through Everfree to the old castle. I'm sure you will have no end of enthusiastic volunteers," Emerald Light said as his light dimmed and the light of the moon brightened.

"You have been talking with Rarity," Luna accused.

"I have been serving my liege, as has she. A true friend will give a pat on the head in public, and a kick in the flank in private, if that is what is necessary," Emerald Light said, "And you have many friends, your Highness."

"Thank you," Luna said as she rose to start her very early day.

Day 9

Rarity moved among her friends in her shop. Her idea! had gone over well, and all she needed was a few details from each of them. "None of you seem the worse for your experience, and I'm certain her Highness was quite satisfied by the outcome," she said happily, "Applejack, have you picked yet?"

Applejack hooved through the book the monster had dropped off for Rarity. "I kinda like the green and pink one. It's like plants or somethin'. And I don't have to change mah mane-style."

"Ooo, Rarity! Can I be the little, pink one? And have a hat like her mane?" Pinkie asked excitedly.

"Pinkie, you don't have an invitation. I will make you the dress though. Maybe we can prevail upon her Highness," Rarity said. "Fluttershy, I shall certainly need your help." She smiled at the pegasus' nod. "And to think, I assumed their clothing was boring."

"Rainbow, have you decided?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, that one with the short, yellow mane and the yellow and blue dress. She looks tough." Rainbow looked at the drawing in the book closely. "Are you sure these are even the same species? They look way different from the stallion."

"Sexual dimorphism is not uncommon in species," Twilight said as she looked through the book.

"I know that!" Rainbow said, "But are they the same species?"

Twilight facehoofed.

"Rarity," Sweetie Belle asked, "Are you gonna dress Opal up like the cat in these pictures?"

Opal roused herself to explain with perfect clarity what she thought of that idea.

"I'll get some disinfectant for that," Applejack offered to Sweetie Belle. The filly stood blinking as the claw scratches across her face reddened.

"I like the one with the red hair bow and the orange," Applebloom said.

"Twilight, have you picked one out?" Rarity asked.

"I'm kind of torn," Twilight admitted, "I like the purple and maroon. But I also like the one with the two shades of blue."

"I think the purple and maroon would show off your mane far better," Rarity said.

"So you want the blue on blue?" Twilight said seriously, then grinned.

"No, I want the fine lady of the group. The black and garnet will be just stunning. Although I shall do without the fancy club," Rarity said.

"Can I have the blue and red?" Derpy asked.

"Of course dear," Rarity said.

"Can I have the blue on blue, Twilight?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Okay, if you want it, that solves my indecision," Twilight said.

"Hey Scoots, there's the red and purple, and the green and blue left," Rainbow said.

"I kinda like the green and blue, besides, she's always hanging out with the yellow and blue one," Scootaloo said.

"Can I have the red and purple?!" Dinky asked excitedly.

"Of course you can," Rarity said then looked over. "Oh Fluttershy, I'm sorry. We didn't save one for you."

"That's okay Rarity," Fluttershy said as she hovered over and turned the pages. "This is the one I want." She hoofed through the book. "I just love the pearls, and I love her long hair."

"Fluttershy, I may be wrong, but that's one of the villains," Twilight said.

"So?" Fluttershy asked, "We're just getting dresses, not playing roles."

"You have a point," Rarity admitted, "Besides, you don't actually think they left any of the real villains alive do you?"

"No, you're right." Twilight suddenly chuckled. "What about that cat in the picture makes me think of Princess Luna?"

The boutique rang with the friends' laughter.

Princess Luna was overseeing the arrival of numerous movers and shakers from all over Equestria. Lodgings had to be found, additional food supplies procured, and of course their sycophants demanded much of the Princess' time. This had trapped her inside the command post rather than being able to walk Ponyville and examine the situation herself.

I thought these were the less self-important, she thought, then reminded herself, The ponies are less self-important. Their staff members however.

There was also the parade of VIPs trooping out to the observation posts, but no closer. The monster was obliging the VIPs and their staffs with a bit of a show. It was photographing them as they arrived to stare at it.

"Makes one wonder who should be throwing the peanuts to whom," a shipping magnate and patron of the arts said. "No chance to go down and talk to the creature ahead of the party?"

"I'm afraid our language is unpronounceable to it," Shining Armor said, "As is its native tongue to us."

"So you figure out what sounds you can make together and make a code," the another older mare who drove the fashion scene more often not said. "Three longs and a short make one letter, two longs and a short make another. Whatever the most common letters are, those get the quickest codes. With lips like that on it, if you're telling me it can't whistle, I'll call you a liar to your face, young stallion."

"If you wouldn't mind repeating that to the unicorn mare in the library, I would be most appreciative," Shining Armor said, instead of facehoofing.

"I shall," the mare tottered away with the help of her bevy of assistant.

"How did we miss that?" Armor asked Wind Listener and the Princess when they were alone.

"Until we had that dictionary, it wasn't important," the solider said.

Armor nodded. He put on his tour guide expression as another group of VIPs trooped into the command post. "Welcome. Please hold your questions until after our short briefing," he said, "Then we'll go out and let you have a look at our guest and his native habitat."

Celestia's mercy, it sounds like a zoo, Luna thought and forced herself to smile at another self-important flunkey.

Twilight gently knocked on the creature's front door. Derpy and Spike were with her, but she felt extremely nervous about their assignment for the party. The monster opened the door. He immediately looked at Derpy. The mare nodded, and he stepped aside to let them in.

Twilight looked at the huge shelves of books, the cabinet full of mysterious objects, and heard Spike clear his throat.

"Focus Twilight," Spike warned.

"Of course. It just that," she said as her breathing sped up along with the racing of her thoughts.

"Focus," Spike reminded her.

"You're scaring him," Derpy warned.

"Right!" Twilight insisted and closed her eyes. The children's picture book of etiquette drifted out of her saddle bags and over to the table between the couches. Twilight took a seat on the couch with her back to all those books.

Yet I still feel their presence, she thought, shivering a little at the image, Like a predator waiting to spring, to rip my skull open and pour their alien knowledge within.

Twilight cleared her throat and opened the book. "This is the proper, formal way to greet royalty, and other honored guests." The diagram showed a basic hoofshake. "I don't think we'll need to go over the terms of address. But there are nuances to the hoofshake, and they differ from species to species. In fact," Twilight said.

The snoring sounds from the creature alerted her that her discussion was not being received in the manner she'd intended.

"Right," she said, "Sorry."

Derpy extended her hoof. The monster glanced at the book and extended its hand and touched her hoof.

"Not quite," Twilight said. She pointed to the nuance the creature had missed. "Let's try again, shall we? Spike demonstrate the difference."

"Okay." Spike hopped up on the table and extended a hand.

Mile Stone looked at the poor sentry and smiled. He'd watched the assembly at the perimeter around the monster's house, and moved to support the lone soldier. The VIPs had been cycled through the observation post, and now he had to deal with the consequences and dross of having important ponies around. Like a pile of road apples attracted flies. Reporters, he thought and directed a stern frown at the collection of featherheads who'd tried to barge through the perimeter. One who slipped by was now carried away on a stretcher after eating a cookie. The others steadfastly refused to take the hint.

"This is clearly a military cover up to prevent the ponies of Equestria from knowing what life exists elsewhere in the cosmos. The military doesn't want this newcomer's message of love and tolerance to sweep through the public consciousness since it will undermine the royal stranglehold on our culture."

Dear Princess Luna, the creature engaged in some target practice and there were several deaths. Most excellent shooting, but I do think we should set up a proper archery range with range safety officers to prevent a recurrence of this tragedy., Mile Stone thought, No, she'd never buy that.

"Mares and gentlecolts."

In name only, Mile Stone did not add.

"Our current arrangement precludes letting you all besiege the creature with questions it will not be able to answer," Mile Stone repeated the line the communications and public relations officers had drilled into every trooper.

"Are you hiding that the creature is toxic?" a reporter shouted.

"Are you covering up that the monster eats souls?" another one asked.

You'd be completely safe if it ate brains, Mile Stone thought.

"There are rumors a contingent of troops was sent to isolation after encountering the creature," another reporter shouted.

"Ah, our public relations officer. I'm certain he will be able to say more than I can," Mile Stone called. Then whispered, "Sorry, lad." He stepped back and let the harried officer field the questions.

Mile Stone glanced up to see Derpy and Dinky leaving the creature's home. A moment later Twilight Sparkle trudged towards the perimeter. The reporters saw her and raced around the perimeter to get to her. The mare had a panicked look. Then she and her dragon vanished.

"I must learn that trick," Mile Stone said. Then turned to the PR officer. "Buck up lad, here's round two." The reporters were heading back.

"Sergeant," the PR officer whispered in horror.

"Oh dear," Mile Stone said as the monster came out of his house with the two-wheeler. The herd of reporters raced toward the point on the perimeter the monster approached. They barraged it with questions as it set a green, water-filled bottle on a rock and waited. After a few moments, it lifted the bottle and shook it. It recorded the results, put the bottle back in the basket on the front of the two-wheeler and raced off to another point on the perimeter. The herd baying at his wheels. He exactly repeated the performance.

"Odd he'd come out and distract them precisely at lunch time," Mile Stone noted and indicated the detail approaching to relieve and feed the sentries. Then he watched it head to a third post. There were eight stops in all. It then reversed course, shook the bottle before placing it on the rock and waiting to record the results. Then the first circuit was exactly duplicated. Then the second, and so on. After nearly two hours and all the sentries had been fed and allowed to relieve themselves, the creature carefully went through its readings. It let out an absolutely terrified/terrifying shriek that stood even a soldier pony's hair on end. It raced back into its house and slammed the door.

"Interesting. It seems we're not the only one to see patterns in the 'other'," Mile Stone said, "Peaceful Solitude's detail brought food from mess to the sentries, who were able to eat in peace while the relief she'd brought stood guard, and the pack of whinnycompoops chased a will'o wisp. Most thoughtful."

The footsore, often limping reporters trudged back towards the PR officer's tent. They stayed outside the perimeter and ignored the sentries completely. Some were missing shoes and others were not longer perfectly coiffured.

"Important difference between a good officer and a reporter, Lieutenant?" Mile Stone asked Peaceful Solitude.

"I'd station one soldier at each rock and have them record the results. With one pegasus to look at any difference in the actions taken."

"Or his reaction to the data recorded," Mile Stone added, "Very good."

"What was he doing, ma'am?" the sentry asked as he retook his post.

"Determining if reporters are the same here, as on his homeworld," Peaceful Solitude said. "And to anticipate your next question soldier. I'd say they are."

"Frightening, ma'am."

It was two hours after the moon had risen. The preparations were essentially complete and all was ready. For the first time in her long life, Luna actually resented that there were ponies who were up at night and enjoying themselves. Maybe if they hadn't spent the entire day making my life miserable, she considered as the entered her tent. Too late she realized the stoic looks of her guards and of Emerald Light had been a bit too stoic.

He sat there, in her tent. On her entry he stood. He'd obviously been waiting for her.

"What do you want?" she asked, "I appreciate the help with the set up. Fingers and climbing like a monkey do have some advantages. But I have neither the time nor the patience for games." She transferred the papers she'd finished to her writing desk, and looked at him as he stood there.

He unwrapped a small package. In it was a curry comb, brush and a finishing cloth. Not the overly begemmed and filigreed assets an idiot would think a royal would use. They were good quality and workpony like.

She looked at them and frowned. "It's time you learned the word 'no'."

He just stared at her. His expression neutral with a soupcon of triumphant.

"You think you can win this?" she accused.

He yawned, and it was all she could do to avoid yawning herself.

She wanted to bite him or just poke him out of her tent. "Of course you can win this. You can sleep all day tomorrow," she managed through gritted teeth, "You didn't have to deal with self-important, unthinking fools all day. With more tomorrow."

He just stared at her. Then 'seemed' to realize, and put his hands together, put his head on his hands and made snoring sounds.

"You just want to insure you get a good night sleep!?" she growled in his face with her hooves on his shoulders.

He smiled and nodded. She was one hoof away from breaking him in half.

"I could have said chickens lay eggs and you would have nodded. You just want to see me angry," she growled in her most furious tone.

He smiled and nodded.

The tension burst like a balloon. "All right, you win." She dropped down and climbed onto her bunk. She glared at him as she exhaustedly laid down. "You probably have a point anyway."

The gentle, rhythmic strokes seemed to carry the upsets of the day to the tips of her hair where they evaporated into the wind.

"What do you get out of this? Humiliate me a bit by playing servant? Just an uninterrupted night's sleep? I don't believe that. Or is the humiliation really my penance, and your service shows that you forgive me?"

Emerald Light and the 'close' guard had been on tenterhooks as the monster soothed her Highness. When she finally drowsed off, the monster silently packed his tools and left. The guard slipped in to check on her Highness, while Emerald Light trotted alongside the tall creature.

"Sir, I want to thank you. She is a good pony, person, and I am glad you could find it in your heart to help her. We are all very grateful." He bowed and rested the side of his head beside the creature's knee. "I read Miss Rarity's note to us, but I have to wonder what motivated you."

The creature pulled a page of paper out of the dark jacket it put on, and handed it over. Emerald Light scanned the page of small pictures. Miss Rarity's face replaced the salutation. A picture of an absolutely bawling Princess Luna had two arrows going from it. One arrow had the grooming supplies arranged atop it. It led to a drawing of her Highness seated and head bowed before the monster. The figure the very essence of the penitent. The other had the collection of tools all thrown together and overlapping, encircled with red and a stroke through it. That arrow led to the monster curled up in a ball surrounded by four, happy, jabbering Pinkie Pie faces, and four, triple-sized, furious and screaming Pinkie Pie faces.

"Miss Rarity certainly knows how to bypass a language barrier," he said as he hoofed over the paper, "I suspect a simple invitation would have been sufficient."

The creature had pulled on a watch cap, and covered its face with a dark gray scarf before mounting its two-wheeler and disappearing into the darkness. Neither the monster, it's guards nor Emerald Light noted the two unicorns watching intently.

Day 10

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" The sound of Twilight happily 'Pinkie bouncing' around the library woke Spike from his early slumbers.

"Twilight?" he asked sleepily as he looked down at his friend doing exactly like what it had sounded like she was doing. Spike recognized the paper, and by the thickness of the sheaf, there were easily sixty new pages to the Equestrian-Monster dictionary.

"Good morning, Twilight Sparkle," Luna said as she entered the main hall.

She looks more relaxed than I remember her being since she arrived, Spike thought as he headed downstairs.

"Oh, your Highness! Look! Look! Look!" Twilight bubbled. "More pages, and a couple of books!"

"Very delightful," Luna said, picking up on the librarian's good mood.

Twilight levitated a book and opened it. "Just think, he must -" The sudden end of the happy bounce and the stricken expression on Twilight's face alarmed both Spike and her Highness.

"Twilight!" Spike cried out.

"Twilight Sparkle!" Luna nearly shouted.

"No, no, no, no, no," Twilight muttered fearfully. She replaced the book and lifted another one. "Oh no, no, no, no, no." She shook her head fearfully and backed away from the books.

"Twilight, what's wrong?" Spike asked as he stood before her.

"These books," she whispered as she levitated them towards the Princess.

"What alarms you?" Luna asked. She gasped as she looked into the book.

"What?!" Spike shouted, beside himself with worry.

"I don't recognize any of these characters," Twilight murmured as she moved a book before Spike, "Even accounting for different type faces. And this. These aren't even letters. These are pictograms. It even shows how to write them."

"So?" Spike asked.

"Spike. The monster's people may have as many as three languages, with different ways of writing each one! Our dictionary only scratches the surface. In fact these two other books may be dictionaries between the first language and these two other languages!"

Spike blinked. "And this is a cause to panic, why?" he asked sardonically.

"Who," Owlicious added.

"That too," Spike agreed.

"Spike, everything we know about the monster's language and culture may be wrong," Twilight tried to explain reasonably.

"What you really know about it could be relearned in an afternoon. Once it can write Equestrian," Spike pointed out. Luna seemed to have been calmed down by this. Twilight was still radiating terror.

"I don't think Celestia will send you to the moon over guessing with no real basis for your analysis," Luna assured her.

"But your Highness," Twilight pleaded, "With three languages, so many more variables open up. I'm going to have to completely reschedule . . . "

Spike quit listening at that point and went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the three of them. "This is going to be a long day."

He was enjoying the fit and feel of the suit. She did a wonderful job, he thought as he heard the admiring noises from the other guest, the attending Ponyvillians, and even some of the guards. The tuxedo was striking and would have been acceptable on Earth at any 'white-tie' event, right down to the tailored gloves. And it's comfortable, even washable, he thought as he moved towards the town hall. The shoals of reporters shouted questions at him and for once, he was glad of the language barrier.

That's the fashion designer's hail, he thought, Recognize it like the note of an engine. He turned as she and her usual portfolio of friends and family approached in a group. He couldn't keep the shock from his expression. The fashion designer gloried in it. The others obviously thought themselves quite fetching.

Okay. I have completely lost touch. I gave a fashion designer a book on Sailor Moon and never once considered this possibility, he thought.

The pale, unicorn mare hadn't done a straight cosplay. She'd retained the practical body suit as a base and each character's color scheme, but the flamboyance of the accessories exceeded what had ever appeared on screen. Considering how gaudy the other mare's dresses are, I guess that's a plus, he thought, They're not even horrible. They're actually kind of cute and imaginative.

"You all look very striking," he managed.

The fashion designer accepted the indecipherable compliment with a Southern Belle's charm. The others looked extremely pleased with themselves. The other mares chatted to the fashion designer after pointing to his suit. She simply drank in the adoration.

The yellow pegasus suddenly hid behind everyone else. The pony that approached didn't look too formidable. The fashion designer was reduced to sheepish bleats in response to this pony's gushing comments.

He stood there politely silent.

The purple unicorn made nervous excuses for his inability to reply to the questions thrown at him. The newcomer made great sweeping pronouncements, as if the world would turn on its ear at its whim.

Temper, temper, he reminded himself, This is only your party in that you are supposed to make a good impression. Eating one of the guests is not acceptable. Unless it's one of the supercilious, white ones. He smirked at the memory of the obvious/oblivious noble eating a 'pink mine', and having its useless entourage ineptly helping, versus the swift rescue by the regular soldiers of the reporter-pony who'd done the same.

Guards now rescued the entire group by ushering them in to the hall ahead of the scheduled time. The Guard Captain accepted the thanks of the purple unicorn.

Working relationship, or apprenticeship? I don't know, he thought of the close relationship between the guard commander and the purple unicorn, as they were ushered into a small waiting room. Except the pink one, who hugged the other mares, and was escorted out. I hope I didn't do that, he thought as they waited.

The farmer held up a hand, so he could practice the hand/hoof clasp the unicorn had thought so important. The others joined in and he got it right for each of the ones he tried it on.

Twilight and Rarity stood in the Ponyville town hall, tastefully redecorated for this party. The gentle sounds of the string quartet added to the feeling of sophistication.

"Rarity," Twilight whispered, "I'm so excited!"

"Gently Twilight," Rarity said, "Today we show the world that we are the creme de la creme." Rarity then let out a filly-like squeak.

The three princesses entered: Celestia, Luna and Cadence. They took their places just inside to welcome those who stood in the receiving line.

"This is going to be the best party ever," Rarity whispered to Twilight as they watched their alien protege at the head of the line to greet their Highnesses. "So cultured, and so genteel!"

"Easy, Rarity," Twilight said breathlessly, "They are so gorgeous."

"Doesn't he look dashing?" Rarity said, "I had my doubts, but that formal suit looks so good on him."

"Yes, everything is going to be perfect," Twilight said as he approached Celestia, exactly as they researched, explained and rehearsed. He removed a glove and reached out, as Celestia raised her hoof to shake his hand. "The most momentous inter-species greeting in modern history," Twilight nearly squealed.

He touched Celestia's nose and made a sound like a buzzer.

As Twilight's eyes widened. She saw Rarity's ears go up so fast and so far, she worried they'd come off.

Celestia dropped her shoe, and with great decorum and gravity raised her bare hoof to touch the alien's nose gently. "Beep." Both politely smiled and the receiving line advanced.

"Twilight," Rarity asked as she stared in stunned horror, "Did he?"

"Yes," Twilight said as she felt her world coming unglued, "And Rarity, did her Majesty?"

"Yes, Twilight," Rarity replied.

"Has her Highness?" Twilight asked.

Luna gave Twilight and Rarity a murderous glare. Then she concentrated on the dignified smile on the figure before her, he'd even crouched slightly to not inconvenience her. Celestia's faint yet expectant grin did nothing for the moonlight mare's mood. The other elites in the line were agog at what she would do. It rankled even more.

"Not yet, Twilight," Rarity said and waited if this would be a faux pas, or a new custom.

Luna removed her shoe and touched his nose with a bare hoof. "Beep," Luna said, and was beeped in return.

Cadence could barely contain herself. She dropped a shoe, and let her wings lift her high enough to touch his nose. "Beep," she said with a giggle, and was gently 'beeped' in return.

"Beep, your Majesty," Fancypants said, lifted to a proper height by Fleur de Lis's magic.

"Beep to you too, Fancypants," Celestia said as she touched the stallion.

"Remarkably intimate greeting. Very hard to 'beep' one's friends, with one's nose in the air."

"I hadn't considered that," Celestia said delightedly as the unicorn landed gently.

He lifted Fleur de Lis as she beeped the sovereign of the land. "Beep, your Highness," Fancypants said to Luna.

"Beep to you too," Luna said, "I hope you find this little party enjoyable."

For an instant, the unicorn's cultured expression had a trace of ferality to it. "I wouldn't have missed this new discovery for the world."

"Beep, your Highness," Fleur de Lis said, touching Luna's nose.

"Beep to you too, Fleur de Lis, and welcome," Luna replied.

During this exchange Rarity had fallen over sideways, as had Twilight. The only reason both remained off the ground was they had fallen against each other.

Rarity could only stare in horror. "The elite-of-the-elite of Canterlot, Manehatten, and the other cities, all personally selected by me, have to climb atop one-another, or beg help of total strangers in line to lift them to prevent Celestia from bowing to beep them, and so they can beep her," Rarity said in utter disbelief, "My reputation in Canterlot is ruined," Rarity moaned.

"I think Princess Luna is going to make that not a problem, very shortly after this party is over," Twilight replied bluntly. She tried smiling at the moon princess. "I don't think Nightmare Moon glared at me that way."

"I think one of you two girls better go out and console Pinkie," Applejack said as she ambled over, "Poor mare is outside, beating her head against a post. And her head is winnin'."

"You go help Pinkie Pie," Rarity said, "I'll go have a private word with her Highness. Applejack, find Fluttershy, I'm afraid we are going to need Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolts, at least for a little while."

"With that line?" Applejack asked incredulously.

"Trust me," Rarity said and grinned.

"Ah wouldn't trust a bear around the cows wearin' that expression," Applejack said quietly.

"Applejack, you wound me so," Rarity said with a grin. "Besides, Pinkie Pie has got to have step ladders stashed in here, in case of a step ladder emergency."

Rarity had contained the disaster and had said her thank yous to Rainbow and the Wonderbolts. Now she searched for where Pinkie Pie had disappeared to after she'd delivered the step ladders.

"Beep, Miss Rarity," Fancypants touched her nose with his bare hoof.

Rarity slipped off her shoe. "Beep to you too Fancypants," she said as she touched his nose.

"I was commenting to her Highness on the remarkable intimacy of the custom. Although having tool legs, and separate, walking legs may make it more reasonable."

"Oh yes, I'm sure," Rarity replied, while wishing for the floor to swallow her up.

"Tell me the truth," Fancypants whispered, "You were as shocked as anyone. You weren't expecting him to beep her Majesty."

"Oh of course," Rarity exclaimed, "With the language barrier we must have confused the poor dear. We schooled him on proper hoof-shakes, but it was always just his friends."

"So when in the presence of her August Majesty," Fleur de Lis said, and beeped Rarity, "He reverted to the most noble and honorable greeting he could think of. Most thoughtful."

Rarity beeped Fleur de Lis, and laughed nervously. "Yes, of course. That must be it."

"I do hope this custom spreads. Those ridiculous lace-up boots are a puzzle box, not a hoof cover," Fleur de Lis said.

"Well, with the elite of all of Equestria's cities here," Rarity said and laughed nervously, "I'm sure it will spread like wildfire."

Fancypants leaned close. "Tell the truth. You knew he would do this, and let their Highnesses in on the joke," he whispered, "Just so you'd have their Highnesses and all your friends in those easily removed shoes. You'll have half the country demanding them by week's end. Very shrewd."

"Shrewd, yes, but I deny everything. I think her Majesty had a greater hand in it than I," Rarity offered.

"She's always hated those lace-ups," Fleur de Lis confided.

"Beep, y'all," Applejack said to her friends. Touching Rarity's then Twilight's nose.

"Applejack, you are not helping," Rarity complained.

"Come on, you and the princess picked these folks 'cause they got a sense a humor. A little thing like this ain't gonna throw'em." Applejack patted Rarity's shoulder. "Most of'em can't wait ta git back home and show their friends."

"That does not fill me with great joy, Applejack," Rarity replied.

"Beep," a well-known matron of the fashion world from Manehatten touched Rarity's nose.

"Beep, ma'am," Applejack said on touching the matron's nose.

"I must thank you again for helping stamp out that ridiculous abomination to hoofwear everywhere."

"Heh, heh, ah, beep," Rarity managed.

"You must be the founder of the feast. Beep," the matron touched Applejack's nose. "The Oranges should be bursting with pride. And finally, some canapes that won't have me up half the night with indigestion."

"Thank ye kindly, and you're very welcome ma'am."

The matron drifted off. Applejack looked at the paralyzed Rarity.

"Maybe you need something ta drink," Applejack offered.

"Yes, Applejack, you're right," Rarity said, "Maybe they serve something in containers large enough I can drown myself in!"

Applejack sighed and guided her friend towards the cider. Twilight headed off to find Fluttershy and the Princesses.

"Your Majesty," Shining armor reported, and saluted.

"No 'beep'?" Celestia asked sounding genuinely hurt.

"I'm on duty ma'am and bound by the codes of conduct and the manual," he replied automatically.

Celestia gave him a salute that would have had any DI weeping tears of joy. "Report, Captain."

"The griffin ambassador has arrived, with a single 'bodyguard' and is, well demanding entrance," Armor reported, "I suggested that this is a private party, but you might prevail on the hosts to add two other guests. And I think Pinkie Pie overheard he's here looking for a party."

"Oh dear. Decisions, decisions," Celestia said and made a show of thinking with her chin on her hoof.

"Might I suggest we let his guard in, to sweep for potential dangers?" Armor offered.

"No, I don't think we want a war on our hands," Celestia said, letting a tremendous prank go to waste. "I'll 'prevail' on them as quickly as decorum permits." Her face screwed up. "Luna, you said that he had meat in his home?"

"Yes, sister . . . alien meat."

Celestia frowned again. "No, that would be asking far too much of our guest of honor. Better to let him greet the Ambassador and get on with the evening," Celestia said, and walked towards the griffon ambassador. Then Luna trotted off to find the monster. Armor was left wondering how he could be shivering when he was covered with sweat.

Ambassador Steel Feather was already complaining as Celestia and Luna approached. The bodyguard was Colonel-General Glorious Sunrise, a griffon who was effectively the dictionary definition of phlegmatic for the griffon lands.

"Ambassador, you missed the receiving line," Celestia said happily, "I know how you enjoy those."

The ambassador offered no greeting and vented her spleen immediately. "There is no excuse for Equestria to monopolize this experience. What this monster brings should be shared with all civilized beings."

"At the moment, confusion, fear and miscommunications are the only things that could be shared. As the language barrier is overcome," Luna promised and watched the ambassador snub her offered hoof, "Things of value will be made public. Unless you believe grilling rather than baking a cheese sandwich is absolutely necessary for the advancement of civilization."

The griffon regarded her as the griffons of legend regarded any horse. "You have already inculcated it into your pitiful customs," the ambassador said and thrust out a hand to the monster as he approached. Shining Armor and Peaceful Solitude bristled at the situation.

The monster carefully extended his arm not touching the ambassador's. The Ambassador seized the monster's forearm just below the elbow, and the monster closed his hand on the griffon's arm. The monster was clearly not happy about the amount of force being applied to him, but emulated enough of it to satisfy the ambassador.

"That is a proper greeting among equals," Steel Feather announced as she released his arm.

The monster stared at Luna in confusion and pointed to his open mouth.

"No, you cannot eat her," Luna said and shook her head.

The monster raised his hands and nodded.

"What outrage is this?!" Steel Feather demanded.

"I believe you surrendered the griffon nation. Or you surrendered yourself, as food for him, so he wouldn't eat the griffon nation," Shining Armor said. "With only pantomime and a few written words, we aren't completely clear on this."

"You are not to eat any griffons, and I have not surrendered to you!" Steel Feather announced, stilling conversations all around the hall. The ambassador marched off in a high dudgeon Rarity would have wished to emulate.

The Colonel-General had taken the opportunity to sheathe his claws as far as he could. He reached up and touched the monster's nose with the pads on his fingertips. "Beep."

The monster beeped the Colonel-General's beak, and the two solemnly exchanged nods. The officer hurried after the ambassador.

"Intelligence says that griffon officer has no sense of humor," Peaceful Solitude said of the departing Colonel-General.

"I think they're wrong," Luna replied.

Twilight was feeling more and more mortified by the moment. While searching for Fluttershy, she'd been 'beep'ed by every Canterlot bigwig she'd suggested Rarity invite. She had watched the skit the Cutie Mark Crusaders had put on as 'light' entertainment. Now she'd finally found Fluttershy, all the scholars, and discovered that the monster seemed to be doing some kind of dance around Celestia. The effects of which had Luna in stitches and Celestia glaring at her sister.

"Hello your Majesty," she offered. She ignored Fluttershy hiding behind her.

"Beep," Professor Strudel touched Twilight's nose and inclined hers for Twilight to reciprocate.

"Beep, Professor," Twilight said nervously, "So, are you enjoying yourself?" The smile was physically painful to hold.

"Our friend here seems to be implying that their sun is the center of their system," the professor said.

Luna's sudden giggle and Celestia's glare at her sister did nothing to lighten Twilight's mood nor eliminate the 'Pinkie Sense'-like feeling of doom that gripped Twilight. The whimper from Fluttershy didn't help.

"That isn't possible," Twilight said carefully.

"It is." Luna snorted and covered her mouth with her hoof, "If the sun weighs 300,000 times more than the whole planet." Luna snorted again at Celestia's glare. "Perhaps their cake is 300,000 times harder to resist than ours."

Professor Strudel glanced at the corulers, then smiled at Twilight. "It seems their moon is huge, roughly a sixth the size of the planet."

"Perhaps their waffles were equally hard to resist!" Celestia puffed out her cheeks at Luna, who was immune to the insult.

"Our friend was demonstrating how the moon-planet combination orbit each other, and the pair orbit the sun," the Professor said to Twilight, trying to ignore the royal tiff occurring next to them.

Luna giggled into her raised hoof. "They'd have to, wouldn't they?" Luna said as if it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

The Professor continued, "While the masses and distances are all based on the planetary diameter, and the planetary mass." The professor levitated over to Twilight a parchment she'd been taking notes on. "The math apparently does hold up." The professor considered the two monarchs, frowned and laid out her conclusion, "It would also mean they wouldn't need anyone to raise and lower the sun and moon because the planet's orbit and rotation would accomplish the same effect."

"What?" Luna asked at the same time Celestia did.

Twilight looked up from the calculations. "Uh." Twilight looked at her sovereign and mentor nervously. She bowed her head. "For the right range of planetary masses, the math does support that."

Fluttershy whimpered again.

The monster was fully aware of, but completely confused by the hostile glares he was getting from both monarchs.

He looked at the clearly recognizable podium as the white, winged unicorn walked behind it to speak. The smaller one who'd introduced this one got up on its hind legs to rest its forelegs on the podium, he thought as the crowned equinoid began to give a speech. There was a spattering of polite hoof stomps at the applause points. He politely applauded at those points as well and nodded when it/she directed attention his way. There was much 'applause' at the end.

After a few minutes, the dark blue one also gave a speech. Briefer, fewer applause points, and obviously more direct as many ponies shied from the delivery as applauded. Then the pink one ascended the dias, she got up on her hind legs. Her speech had more laugh lines than the other two combined.

Okay, the white one is the ruler/carrot. The blue one is the ruler/stick. And the pink one is the one for everyone to love. Got it. Also there seem to be only four types: horns, wings, neither and the rare both. Unicorns, pegasi, ponies and rulers, as good a set of names as any. I wonder if rulers are born, or if they promote from within?

He noted the pink ruler waving him forward from the dias, and much enthusiastic hoof stomping and expectant looks from the crowd.

A speech? What the heck am I supposed to say? Especially to a room full of creatures who don't understand a word I'm saying? he thought as they waved him forward to great hoof stomping and cheers when he advanced. Rather than any stage fright, he felt a great sense of the absurd. Okay, you want a speech, I'll hold the MacArthur speech for when you can understand me.

He stood away from the podium, to let them see him. "Be seated." They fell silent. "Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country." He tapped his chest. "He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Applejack watched the monster walk back and forth on the stage. She couldn't get the image of a pacing tiger in a cage out of her mind.

"He's really, enthusiastic," Applebloom said from right beside her sister.

"He won't hurt nopony," Applejack said, "I think he's just determined. He wants to help, see how he's smiling?"

"You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards. We're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel."

He was stunned by the massive hoof stomping applause and enraptured looks on even the rulers.

I'm definitely going to Hell for this, he thought as he let them applauded for a while.

He began gently. "Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken-out under fire." He waved away the concern. "Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty." Then he grew more strident, "The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do."

Fluttershy sniffled happily. "He's like a proud poppa," she told Scootaloo, "All bark, but he loves his kids."

"Yeah, he gets all scary, then catches himself," the younger pegasus added. "It's almost too bad we can't understand the words."

He marched purposefully across the stage. "We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything -- except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose, and we're gonna kick him in the ass. We're gonna kick the hell out of him all the time, and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose!" he said, and then waited as the applause washed up over him.

"Why do you keep smiling," Cadence whispered from her position directly between the two corulers. The two would smile and nod to various movers-and-shakers as the monster's speech continued.

" 'Tia's prank sense is going off," Luna said, "And the poor thing doesn't know why."

"I think my little sister is in love," Celestia replied teasingly. "Maybe I need a potion to turn him into a pony," Celestia offered happily and nodded to another pony.

I wonder if I can get Shining Armor over here to put these two in separate force fields, Cadence thought as she managed to keep smiling.

"Alright now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel," he said. He smiled then saluted. "Oh, I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That's all." He broke the salute and stepped down from the dias to thunderous hoof stamps and several of those closest his path patted him on the back.

Somewhere along the line, he thought, I am going to pay dearly for that little joke.

Rarity was skirting the various groups at the party. When hailed she would wave, but not close so she couldn't be 'beeped' and humiliated further. She spotted the griffon ambassador surrounded by a group of ponies. She certainly is showing that Gilda wasn't too far out of line for her people, Rarity thought. Then stopped and looked forward along the path she'd walked.

She finally focused on something that had simply refused to register when she'd spotted it initially. The other griffon, the officer was sitting and watching the ambassador and all those around her with an aura of purposeful menace. Sitting next to the griffon was Pinkie Pie. Despite the disadvantage of her cute dress and her utterly preposterous hat, the mare was managing to match the severity of the griffon officer's posture and gaze.

"Yes, strawberry frosting could be used. If butterscotch cannot be obtained," Pinkie said in a tone of bland portent.

"Yes, that would work," the griffon said, and gave a glimmer of a smile colder than a VanHoover winter.

For an instant Pinkie's eyes widened, then she clamped down on that ebullience with a force approaching violence. "If sugar causes problems. Addition of cinnamon reduces the need for sugar. There are other 'sweetening spices'," Pinkie added, as if discussing a death long past but still painful.

The griffon nodded.

"Pinkie Pie, Colonel-General," Rarity said tentatively as she approached, "I hope you are enjoying the party."

"Strangely yes," the griffon said. "Usually, no one wants to talk baked good, only politics and war."

Rarity was certain she heard something in her head snap. She suspected it was her sanity.

"Baked goods?" Rarity asked.

The general grunted and nodded.

"And Pinkie Pie, are you having a good time?" Rarity asked. What little hold she had on reality slipping away.

"Good party," Pinkie said curtly.

Rarity laughed. "Well, don't overdo the fun, heh, heh, heh," she said, "Must go mingle." She raced toward the nearest cluster of fashion mavens, beeped each one of them and talked a mile-a-minute about the monster's book she'd gotten the idea for his suit and their dresses from.

"Too serious that one," the general commented.

"We still love her for it," Pinkie replied grimly.

The griffon general smiled for perhaps two-tenths of a second. "Good to have friends."

"Hmm," Pinkie grunted and nodded. When he looked away, she gave a grin.

Day 11

Two hours after midnight, the friends stood in the town square to watch the lights go out in the town hall. Luna and Celestia were with them. The two Alicorn sisters seemed to have given up on the 'does this orbit make me look fat' jokes. Dash landed by herself.

"The Wonderbolts had a great time," she said proudly. "You all look terrible."

"Thank you so ever much, Rainbow," Rarity said.

"Beep," Rainbow said on touching Rarity's nose, and yanking her hoof back from Rarity's snap at it. "Best joke ever." She held up a hoof to the monster. He stared at her blearily.

"He's probably tryin' ta figure out which Dash to hoof clap," Applejack said, "Applebloom and the other two pooped out over four hours ago."

"It was a good party," Pinkie said, then announced, "And it doesn't have to be over!"

"Can I send her to the sun?" Luna exhaustedly asked Celestia.

"Actually," Twilight said, "I kind of agree with her. Do you want to go back to my place? It'll be like a slumber party."

"I suspect none of the other guests will awaken before noon," Luna said wearily, "Onward to fun."

"That's the spirit!" Pinkie told her as she patted Luna's head. "Ah, being quiet now." She smiled at the glaring Princess.

"Ah, do you want him along?" Rainbow noted the monster was walking back towards its home in the distance.

"I'll," Pinkie announced, then Applejack and Twilight tackled her.

"Come on Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said, and the two pegasi headed off after the tall creature.

"I'll head over to the library," Rarity said, "With their Highnesses. I hadn't intended these outfits to be used for roughhousing."

"Last one there kisses Discord," Celestia said and raced off. Luna was hot on her sister's heels.

"As if I wouldn't have had Twilight train me," Rarity said and vanished. A moment later she opened the library door for the racing alicorns.

"I don't know what fun this guy is going to be," Rainbow Dash said as she and Fluttershy escorted the monster towards the library, "He's really out of it."

"A little tea might help," Fluttershy suggested. The creature suddenly ducked out of the pegasi's grip.

"What the hay?" Rainbow Dash asked as she turned to pursue.

Twilight and Applejack had gotten back up and were both glaring at a smirking Pinkie Pie.

"I just wanted to have fun!" Pinkie complained. Then the monster landed on Pinkie's back. She reared up, neighed loudly and the pair took off into the darkness.

"I thought he was a scared a her," Applejack said.

"I think we should be more scared that they're working together," Twilight said, then ran for the library, "Last one in kisses Discord!"

The pink blur raced past Twilight and set her spinning as the others trotted past.

"I'm sure Rarity's got the perfect lipstick for that," Rainbow said.

"I'm just going to lie here for a moment," Twilight said, "I'm sure the library will come around eventually."

The monster had a miniature of the system with which he'd shown the images to Dinky.

"Music?" Luna asked as he loaded the small record into the side of the machine.

"How is it working away from his home?" Rarity asked. The screen was not large, and the image was black and white. The booming noise and the roar as the cinema began shocked all of them. What terrified them more was the image of absolute devastation of a city reaching nearly to the horizon.

Struggles of an obviously wounded monster to free himself from the wreckage had Luna staring at the images. The eerily disturbing music did not help Luna's equanimity. The creature on the screen tenderly checked the condition of another victim. His careful abandonment seemed to indicate death clearly.

The scene change showed monsters uniformed in medical and military garb. Images of row on row of wounded, stretcher bearers carrying yet more shocked all the Equestrians. Cries of anguish were recognizable despite the alien creatures making them. The monsters moved with a purposeful tenderness, seeing to the wounded and the survivors of the dead.

Luna looked at the monster who seemed more interested in the reactions of the appalled Equestrians than the images on the screen. The Element Bearers stared at the horrifyingly comprehensible images. Despite the alien creatures and language, the scenes of destruction by an unseen force were clear enough.

"What is this?" Celestia asked, as mesmerized as all the others.

"The costume book was full of images of his people fighting monsters," Rarity said, "This must be a documentary or recreation on the subject. Maybe the first attack. They don't seem to know what's happening. Look at the expressions of confusion on their faces. They are eerily pony-like."

"That panic is certainly pony-like," Celestia said, "What is the smoke coming out of that one's mouth, are they part dragon?"

"EEP!" Fluttershy squealed as a ship, larger than the largest operated on Equestria, burst into flame and sank immediately.

The monster watching the cinema with them patted Fluttershy. Her response was to crawl into his lap.

He watched as even the rulers stared at the tiny screen, enraptured by the movie. If it is a slumber party, then I needed a ghost story. I knew if they liked Sailor Moon so much, he thought as he watched their whispered discussions, They'd just love Godzilla.

Once the monster had gone to sleep, Twilight had puzzled out the controls on the machine. Luna had collected the cadre of the observer group, and replayed the documentary for them before the machine's power faded. Her brother had been particularly moved by the creature-scientist who'd created the monster-killing weapon taking his own life.

"I'm guessing that he was sufficiently horrified by his discovery that while he could countenance it being used once, he would not let it be used again," Armor said, "So he destroyed his notes, and the only other place the knowledge was stored. If the weapon did that to the city-killer, the weapon's creator could hardly have escaped."

"Why would he show us this?" Peaceful Solitude asked, disturbed by the images especially the destruction of a city greater than all the cities of Equestria combined.

"He's been trying to be very clear about his motives and trying to pre-indicate his actions." Mile Stone sat and glanced to the room the monster slept in. "I think Miss Rarity is correct that he was sent to fight monsters. Except there are no monsters. It could be a resume. Offering to fight our monsters. He's shown no indications that he is anywhere near as dangerous to us."

"Sister?" Luna asked.

"He watched us, rather than the images on the screen," Celestia said, "He wanted to see how we reacted."

"Your Majesty," Twilight said, "I don't think he wanted to know what he could do to horrify us."

"I'm not sure what his reaction was. He didn't seem all that affected by it," Celestia said thoughtfully, "And he was not surprised when Fluttershy reacted as she did. I think he knew we'd be shocked. And that some of us would be more shocked than others. He approved of us being shocked."

"Seeing how we'd react to the greatest disaster in their history?" Peaceful Solitude asked, "Seeing if we'd empathize with his people?"

Luna and Celestia nodded. "We've been worried whether he saw us as 'people'," Celestia said, "It's no wonder he might want to know the same."

"Very clever," Luna said.

Rarity yawned as she approached. "Talking about that dreadful cinema again?" she asked and shook her head, "I'm just glad their instincts seem to have an 'off' switch. The clothing of the people was different from the fashions in the book. I would have to guess they are from slightly different times."

"But the pictographs in the cinema are similar to the pictographs in the book," Twilight said, "He gave me a dictionary. I can deduce which pictographs are used, but not what they would mean in Equestrian."

"Wait a moment, you said that the cinema and book pictographs are the same?" Armor asked.

"Yes," Twilight replied.

"That could be it," Luna said, "The main nation fell to the monster assaults. His country was what was left. Like Discord destroying Equestria, but leaving the griffon lands and dragon-home untouched."

"Fascinating." Rarity said and yawned. "What does that mean for us?"

"I . . . don't know," Luna admitted.

"Could he be a scout for a colonization group? Evacuate their homeworld to Equestria?" Twilight asked.

"I'm not sure I'd like such a militant force arriving here. Even if they did bring their own homes with them," Celestia said. She shook her head. "You should all get some sleep. The sun will be up in a few hours, you can think about it all then. Just keep him away from any full-grown dragons."

"Yes, your Majesty," they all said.

He'd risen early, soon after sunrise. Most of the others, save the rulers, were still sound asleep. He'd decided to return home, get some breakfast, and sleep the rest of the day. I have no idea why the ponies keep giving me looks I can only guess are sympathy. I didn't think the party was that bad, he thought as he walked and encountered a few early risers, Unless the rulers have decided to punish me for the little joke. Maybe they're going to send me to an alien planet where I'll never see my own kind again. Oops, already done.

He pushed aside the faint melancholy and continued towards his house. He ignored the purple-eyed, azure unicorn and the magenta glow that surrounded its horn and them. Probably a practical joke.

"Guards!" Mile Stone shouted as he watched the two, odd unicorns approach the monster and Peaceful Solitude. The officer had been felled by the magic burst, while the monster was whisked away by the two unicorns. "Guards!" the sergeant shouted. Throughout the square early-rising ponies were looking around or opening their windows to see who was raising the ruckus.

The three princesses came charging out of the library along with Shining Armor.

"Someone stole our guest," the sergeant told them. "Walked up and teleported away with him."

"That's impossible," Luna said, "I had an anti-teleport charm on him. Only someone far stronger than an ordinary unicorn could teleport him."

"What about two powerful unicorns?" Mile Stone said, "Is it safe to approach her?" he asked of the fallen Peaceful Solitude.

"Yes," Celestia said after a moment of intense concentration. "I don't feel him anywhere near. Whoever stole him took him to the edges of our kingdom."

"Who?" Cadence asked. "Who would do such a thing?"

"Someone not content to wait for our researches to bear fruit," Luna said, "Or one who didn't trust that we would share."

"Or felt if they had him, they wouldn't have to share," Shining Armor pointed out. As he watched the medics carry the fallen officer away.

He glanced at his sister and her friends as they sleepily exited to watch the activity. "Put a lid on this," he told the sergeant, "We've got a pack of VIPs who'll assume that they are next."

"Leave them to us," Celestia interjected. "Find him and get him back here," she spoke carefully, "You saw, now he may be in the hands of enemies. I shudder to think of what shall happen."

Armor nodded.

"You don't actually believe that, do you sister?" Luna asked as the pair walked. She spoke in an ancient dialect of Equestrian she doubted even Twilight Sparkle had ever heard of, let alone was fluent in.

Even Celestia took a few moments to remember the forms. "I think someone is playing a very dangerous game."

Luna forced herself not to smirk. Don't like a challenger to the cup? she considered her own sister's webs of subtle manipulations and games.

"Because they have succeeded in making me angry," the master of the sun said quietly.

Okay, not going to talk about it, Luna realized. They completed their walk in silence. The griffon ambassador was their first stop.

He materialized out of the teleport, and immediately screamed in pain. Finger-thick rods seemed to have appeared through his feet. The knee-high rods were topped with three barbless fish hooks to prevent easy removal. As he started to collapse, he had to avoid dozens of similar rods that lay in rows and columns all around him.

His two travel agents hovered over him. The pale green unicorn with the blue mane and tail grinned at him and the azure unicorn with the cornflower blue mane and tail. The azure unicorn glared back at the green. The pale magenta aura surrounding the green one's body and the azure one's horn mirrored the red-orange glow surrounding the azure unicorn's body and the green one's horn. The auras had held them out of the field of spikes he'd been dropped into.

I think this is the first time something in this world successfully hurt me, he thought as he managed to sit among rods, avoiding being pierced or scratched by the clusters of barbless fish hooks that grew at the top of the rods, or at their base. This is an antipersonnel field. Like barbed wire, he thought muzzily. He looked up at the two unicorns as they hovered over him, discussing with each other.

A red-orange glow surrounded him and pulled him up off the ground. His feet slid up the rods until they caught on the hooks on the top. The green unicorn didn't hesitate and pulled him up, digging the hooks into the tops of his feet until it pulled the rods out of the ground. Darkness took him as the pain overwhelmed him.

The azure unicorn spared a glance at the metal object their captive had dropped somewhere along the process. Her 'senior' was enjoying the pain she'd inflicted on the captive too much to notice the glow surrounding the device that sent it winging towards the azure unicorn.

Laugh all you wish, she thought of the laughing, green unicorn, Trixie will be free.

"It is clear that it must speak Equestrian," Tear Twirler told the crystal ball linked to their 'tutor'. The green and blue unicorn looked at Trixie with contempt, "She is too stupid to realize this."

" 'She' believes we should have let the Alicorn-sisters do the difficult job of teaching it Equestrian, and -"

"Coward," their 'tutor' proclaimed, and the tiny golden ring at the base of Trixie's horn glowed ominously.

Trixie just bowed her head. "Trixie asks forgiveness for her unworthy doubts and fears," she said to forestall pain and terrors given by the ring.

The glow faded and their mentor chuckled through the crystal ball. "Persuade it to speak. If it will not speak, let it scream, but it shall learn to act on our command."

Trixie hid her smile and bowed. "I will do my best, but I bow to the expertise of Tear Twirler in that realm."

"You will learn," the green and blue unicorn said.

Trixie bowed again. "Trixie will do her best," she said as she walked as despondently as she could to where he was being held.

Fools, Trixie thought, But in saving Trixie, she will also save you.

"She is weak," Tear Twirler told their tutor so Trixie could also hear.

"She amuses me more than you do," their tutor said.

Trixie entered the large closet where the creature was being held. She lit the magic lamp, and stared at the creature. The hate-filled look she got in return filled her with an odd glee. Soon my fellow prisoner, just play my game, and we shall both be free, she thought as she approached and his expression became one of vague pleasantness. Nothing to alert me when you spring. I have walked the wilds too long to be surprised. Just barely in reach, she transferred to his hand the little rocket launcher he had dropped on arriving here. A tiny thing, concealable between two hooves. But it would stun a unicorn with a hit on the horn, she thought, and pointed at her own horn.

He looked wary, and Trixie grinned. She moved to his feet where two spikes of the teleport trap still stuck. She bowed and tried to look apologetic. I know this will hurt, but you have the means to strike back, and both of us know it, she thought and used magic to slice off the ends so only a short stub protruded from his feet.

She braced herself for the blow, as he writhed silently at the agony using magic on the teleport trap pieces caused. I too saw your little 'show', she thought, You can be ruthless, but you try curious first.

As he calmed and focused on her, she raised a hoof over his foot. She watched him tense. She brought it down sharply away from his foot as she silently pantomimed screaming in agony. She looked at him and nodded, then shook her head. He slapped the floor, and let out a bloodcurdling ululating scream. Her ears pinned back in terror, she nodded.

"You speak Equestrian, don't you?" she shouted, and stamped.

The answering scream was everything she hoped for. For the next 20 minutes, she'd shout a question, stamp, and he'd let out a scream of pain and terror.

Finally she finished. She'd learned something else from the odd cinema he'd shown the others. She kissed him on the lips, and hugged him. Then grinned at his confusion.

We will save each other, Trixie thought, If you continue to be an excellent assistant. She nodded to the door, and touched her hoof to her horn, and then cast a minor illusion of Ponyville. The grim nod told her that they would soon be free.

She left the closet and walked back to main lab. She took on a defeated air and let herself cry as she entered. The large crystal was dark, meaning their tutor's attention was elsewhere.

"You failed," Tear Twirler said.

"It was an impossible task," Trixie replied as she scrubbed her eyes dry, "Pain cannot overcome the impossible."

The mad pony stared down at Trixie. "You just didn't know how to apply it. Ponies have achieved great things, when properly motivated."

Trixie bowed, but inwardly seethed. And that is why you are hiding out here, playing servant/slave to a dragon who also lives on the fringes, she thought, Trixie will soon be free of both of you. She followed the green and blue unicorn to the closet.

"Should Trixie hold it down?" Trixie asked, "Your play-toys thrash about so."

"Trixie can do as she wishes," Tear Twirler said contemptuously.

He'd drawn up his legs and covered them with his coat. Disguising the shortened trap rods.

"He thinks that will protect him," Tear Twirler said as she drew close, but stayed out of reach of those arms. Trixie hugged his chest from behind, so he couldn't leap up to close the distance.

"Ready?" Trixie asked them both.

Tear Twirler closed her eyes to summon magic, as did Trixie. The huge bang and flash covered the fade out. Trixie heard Tear Twirler's screams clearly as they transited the distance.

He was screaming in earnest as they reappeared just outside the Ponyville hospital. Despite her exhaustion, she grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him in the doors. Orderlies were already reacting to the sounds they'd heard just outside their doors. "His feet have been pierced with metal," she told the first nurse-pony, "There is a solvent on the metal that burns on contact with magic. Some has gotten into his blood, so use magic only as a last resort," she told the nurse, who relayed the order in medical jargon.

"How do you know this?" the nurse asked pointedly, "And how did you find him?"

"Trixie has seen the effects, and the second is not important. If you have medical questions?" Trixie asked, and received a head shake. "Then Trixie must report to Twilight Sparkle." She ran toward the town's library.

I both have to keep her away, and admit my guilt, Trixie thought as she galloped through the town that resembled an overturned beehive more than anything else.

Coming out of her destination were the Alicorn-sisters themselves.

Might as well die with my head held high, Trixie thought as she blocked them.

"Please hold," she called, "His injuries are tainted with something that reacts badly to magic. Your mere presence may be sufficient," she said quickly to allow no interruption, "He is at the hospital and they are aware of that problem."

"And how do you know this?" Luna asked.

"Because I am one of the foalnappers," Trixie admitted.

Luna growled and raised a hoof. Celestia watched without reaction. Luna stamped her hoof down. Not on Trixie's skull.

"Guards!" Celestia called as she satisfied herself Luna was not going to dispense justice here and now. "Why would you do this?" she asked.

Trixie pointed to the ring at the base of her own horn. "This magnifies my power. In return, my tutor has geased me to serve her to the best of my abilities and to follow her commands. Or I will be punished."

"And this is her order?" Luna asked angrily.

"No," Trixie admitted as three guard unicorns approached. "But returning him as swiftly, and as unharmed as possible, then begging their Highnesses' mercy on my tutor seemed to be the best service Trixie could offer."

Celestia touched the gold ring with her hoof and it shattered. "Put her under guard," the sun princess said, "Luna shall be in charge of the pursuit if she attempts to escape."

A glance at the moon princess. Trixie would prefer to be pursued by Nightmare Moon, Trixie thought and bowed. She let the guards lead her to wherever they would hold her. I would have preferred not injuring him to free him, Trixie thought, But I am free. She hadn't expected to be warmly welcomed by the Ponyville citizens as she was escorted through town, but the furious glare by the pink pony she hadn't seen before had Trixie more than a little concerned.

"Your Highnesses," the doctor said as he entered the town hall where the two alicorns were 'holding court'. "We've completed the operations, and other than a prolonged recovery, the prognosis is excellent." He ignored the expressions of the ponies he'd cut in front of, but he was a doctor.

"Why prolonged?" Luna asked.

"Because we tested a blood sample and the effects of that material are quite unpleasant. The effect of teleporting him here affected his entire cardiovascular system, and that's part of what he needs to heal. There wasn't much there, but until it is gone, we cannot use magic that we'd normally use to speed the healing process. As soon as we can, it should hasten his recovery. I'd recommend a full body procedure. He might need it. Blood does get nearly everywhere."

Celestia nodded. Luna stifled a growl with some effort. The two sisters turned to the next in the long line of petitioners. Their Highnesses' chamberlains, Emerald Light and Feather Stockings exchanged glances and rolled their eyes at yet another request for reassurances that somepony's principle/boss/employer would be safe from this teleporting foalnapper.

Shining Armor charged in. Another pony bucking the line. He raced up to Princess Celestia. "Your Highness, I'd like you to order a certain Pinkie Pie to stop trying to slip cookies to the prisoner, Trixie."

"So ordered," Celestia said and facehoofed.

"Why am I locked up with her?" Pinkie Pie demanded from her cell across from Trixie's.

"Because you disobeyed a royal order," Mile Stone said, then whispered, "Ingenuous plan, now you can keep an eye on her yourself, and nopony's the wiser. As long as you don't misbehave and we have to move you." He winked at the pink mare, who winked back and settled on her bunk to stare at Trixie. No mouse was ever watched by a hawk that intently. Only the pink mare's bottlebrush tail gave any indication of her true feelings.

Mile Stone walked out of the makeshift cells and out into the guard post.

"How did you do that?" Shining Armor asked.

"I've dealt with overeager lieutenants given orders by generals before. I mistakenly ignored that she'd take any order in that context," Mile Stone admitted, "Since I created the monster, it was my duty to channel and curb its enthusiasm."

"Where's the sergeant school and when can I sign up?" Peaceful Solitude asked.

"The curriculum is twenty years, lass," Mile Stone admitted, "And a good officer goes through it as well."

"Alert me if either starts a ruckus," Shining Armor said.

"What about a fracas?" came from the cells.

"Any disturbance," the corporal of the guard said.

The officers departed.

"I'm just glad he didn't actually meet the dragon," Shining Armor said. "I know he's met Spike, but after last night's cinema, I'd like to keep the existence of big dragons away from him as long as possible."

"Agreed," Peaceful Solitude said. She looked up at the beginnings of twilight. "This has been a long day."

"The VIPs have expedited their departures. Tomorrow should be less strenuous," Mile Stone said, "But I'm off to check the guard around the hospital, and the mages who've cast the wards. Nothing should get in or out except if it's an emergency."

"Did the medics accept moving it back to its house?" Armor asked, "Oh, sorry, power for their equipment. I forgot."

"That and keeping that as a refuge will help." Mile Stone headed off to make his rounds.

"So, I heard that Princess Cadence hid behind you for easily half the cinema," Peaceful Solitude said quietly.

"I was the largest object in the room, aside from their Highnesses," Armor said stoically, but he was blushing. "Overturning tables is not Princess Cadence's style."

Peaceful Solitude let the matter drop. But she kept grinning in a somewhat disturbing manner.

Author's Note

Author's Notes:
MLP - SM
Twilight - Saturn
Applejack - Jupiter
Rarity - Pluto
Pinkie Pie - Chibi Usa
Rainbow - Uranus
Fluttershy - Mistress Nine

Sweetie Belle - Mercury
Applebloom - Venus
Scootaloo - Neptune

Derpy - Moon
Dinky - Mars

5) Succor in Perfidy

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Succor in Perfidy

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 11

Twilight paced the library floor. "What kind of pony or dragon makes a material that makes using magic on somepony dangerous?" she asked the open air. Spike having retired hours earlier, and Owlicious being incapable of answering beyond the obvious 'whoo'.

"Go to sleep, Twilight Sparkle," Luna said as she entered the library, "Take it as advice from a friend. Take it as a royal command. Either way do it." She walked over to Twilight. "Thoughts racing to no purpose distract us from what we do have." She lifted the pages of the Monster-Equestrian dictionary. "That is what should consume your thoughts. He is beyond our help at the moment. Nurse Redheart and her staff are safer for him that either of us. They have projected 12 days until it is flushed from his system. Fewer, if he regains consciousness and can be convinced to ingest large cisterns of water or tea. And the answer to 'why' is to punish any intruders and to destroy them when they left. If you teleported into such a defense, you would try to leave immediately. The multiple stakes in your body would consume you completely. For a raiding dragon, the spikes and the vengeance would be worse." She nuzzled the agitated mare. "Go to sleep, tomorrow will be better."

"Yes, Highness." She smirked. "Beep," she said as she touched Luna's nose.

"Beep to you too, Twilight Sparkle," Luna replied and left.

Twilight trudged up the stairs towards her bed. Owlicious had already arrived on his quiet wings and turned down the bed for her. "Thank you," she said and settled in for what she hoped was a dreamless sleep.

Day 12

Slightly past midnight, Luna walked into the command post where Celestia waited. Stacked around the outside of the command post were numerous large chests.

"Queen Tiamat 'Thanks us for bringing this to her attention'," Celestia said to Luna as she arrived. "She sent this as recompense for the trouble of enslaving two ponies, and inflicting harm on our visitor."

"That certainly stifles any concern about bits for supplies. Properly invested, that's enough to live on forever," Luna said.

"There's also a number of magic items included. I suggest we keep those out of the settlement, until we can determine what they are," Celestia said.

"Agreed."

"Then Queen Tiamat asked if either of us wanted a rug," Celestia offered deadpan, "I think she was joking. And I think she was joking because they hadn't located Tear Twirler."

"Where does such a mad unicorn come from?" Luna asked, "King Sombra I could understand. He enslaved his subjects to build his empire. Only Discord inflicted pain for his own amusement."

"Bullying is not unknown, and physical violence is the ultimate expression," Celestia said, "It is the description that worries me. I know of only one unicorn that fits that description. A young researcher from Baltimare. He was always delving into the darker magics. Supposedly to find ways to redeem them. He left Equestria after too many investigations into his dark dealings that found nothing. But he headed away from the dragon lands."

"And you have not tracked someone who never understood that the dark magics were avoided because of their dangers and side-effects?"

"Despite what my critics think, neither you nor I can see everyone and everything on Equestria and catalog it. Besides, what I do remember is he never found anything of any use. He was a bungler, to put it mildly, who went looking where wiser heads wouldn't, to prove he was different."

"And by extension, better," Luna agreed. "That sounds far too much like our prisoner, rather than the mad unicorn she described. But even she wouldn't mistake a stallion for a mare." Luna paused and weighed breaching the next problem. "Sister. Have you ever dreamt of Nightmare Moon? Recently?"

"I rarely sleep, so I rarely dream," Celestia said thoughtfully, "But after that horrible vision of the stairs, I dreamt of her once. She was coming after me, she was coming after you, and she was coming after all of my, our ponies."

"What happened?" Luna asked.

"I remembered my sister's training. I turned her into a cupcake and fed her to a dragon I had in my saddlebags."

"You had a full-sized dragon in your saddle bags, you don't wear saddle bags," Luna exclaimed, "Your staff would all have apoplexy if you seriously considered wearing saddle bags."

"Not commenting on the dragon?" Celestia teased.

"It was a dream, I'm surprised you didn't pull out the Element Bearers with the Elements." Luna considered. "I have been bothered by her showing up in all my dreams. I fear that I may encounter her while dealing with a more mundane nightmare."

"I think you'd have an ally who could frighten even Nightmare Moon," Celestia said, "And since you need to exorcize his demons, let them expend themselves against Nightmare Moon."

"What if they are stronger?" Luna asked.

"Then invite them for tea and muffins. They should be as mannerly as their master," Celestia said. "Beep." She touched Luna's nose. "I can't wait to get back to court."

Luna grumbled at that, but couldn't keep from laughing.

Trixie was not expecting to see her Majesty, especially not at this hour. Trixie was aware that while the pink one was feigning sleep, that mare was awake and watching.

"Your Majesty." Trixie bowed low. "How may Trixie be of service?"

"It seems that Queen Tiamat counts Trixie among the victims, rather than the perpetrators of the actions of your tutor." Celestia seemed to look through the unicorn into her very heart and soul. "That leaves us the problem of what to do with Trixie," Celestia said primly. "Trixie told us that Trixie gave him his weapon, and then injured him. Yet he took no action."

"That is correct, Majesty. Tear Twirler sought to hurt him, and he fired his rocket against her horn. Tri - I think she was very surprised."

"I am surprised she isn't dead," Celestia replied, "He has used similar weapons against Diamond Dogs, and they died. At the very least he would have destroyed her horn."

Trixie gasped at that.

"Do not think you did anything other than escape a most horrific death at his hands," Celestia said, "But that is the use I have for you. Nurse Redheart was in here earlier. She had a sample which had the solvent in it. Evidently, your magic is not strong enough to cause a reaction."

"If my lack of strength will serve her Majesty, Trixie is ready to serve." The unicorn bowed.

"Since the injuries will deny him the use of his legs for at least two weeks. You will be them," Celestia said.

"WHAT!" the pinkie mare shouted as she practically threw herself against the bars. "She kidnaps him! She hurts him! I only played a game with him! And she gets to be his helper?!" She sniffled and burst into tears.

"Pinkie Pie, Trixie is being punished, not rewarded," Celestia said.

The pinkie mare stopped crying. "Okay. Down with Queen Celestia! All hail Luna's New Lunar Republic!" the pink mare shouted and waved NLR banners.

"Luna and I started that organization to let ponies express themselves," Celestia said in a bored tone. "And I'm not going to make your punishment working with him. You still worry him. Trixie does not. Besides. My sister will be watching her very closely."

"Yes, watch her like a griffon!" the pink one exclaimed, "And if she steps one hoof out of line! Straight into the freezer!"

"Freezer?" Trixie asked.

"It eats meat," Celestia said, "And she's supposing that it would eat you."

"Trixie doubts he would take that step," Trixie said carefully.

"You are rather taken by him?" Celestia asked.

"He trusted me," Trixie said, unable to keep up her usual facade with Celestia's gaze falling on her. "For so long I have been either a joke, despised, or both. I gave him a little proof of my intentions, and he trusted me. Maybe you can take ponies' trust for grafted. But I cannot. It was pleasant to be trusted. And to be able to be worthy of that trust."

Her Majesty nodded. "In the morning you'll be released from your cell, report to the Captain of the Guard. You will be assigned your duties at the moment by the presiding physician. Once he is able to make himself understood, you will take direction from the monster." Celestia noted Trixie's faint disapproval. "Monster is the technical term for a creature of abnormal shape or size, and this one has both. It does not have to be something horrifying."

"It seems inappropriate for someone who has done little harm to Equestria," Trixie said carefully.

"It is what everyone has called it. If you can make a different name stick, then by all means attempt it. If you can discover the creature's actual name, even if it cannot be pronounced in Equestrian, then share it with us," Celestia said.

Trixie bowed. Her Majesty Celestia left. The pink mare still stared at Trixie.

"I haven't forgotten you," the mare said.

"Trixie was hoping her fame would last," she replied and returned to her bunk.

The briefing, and the stern warnings by the captain of the guard, Shining Armor, were what Trixie was prepared for. The purple unicorn who 'happened by' the command post before the sun had risen, and immediately after the lecture was delivered, Trixie had been hoping to avoid.

"Hello Trixie," Twilight Sparkle said nervously.

Trixie had dreaded the expression. Trixie does not desire to be pitied, Trixie thought.

"You know, Trixie, if you needed help. . . . There, ah, were other ways," Twilight stammered, blushing the entire time.

"Twilight Sparkle. I would not be you for all the world," Trixie said calmly. The purple unicorn stared in shock. Even the captain of the guard watched. "Magical powers to rival any living unicorn, trained by her Majesty Celestia herself, and one of the key Elements of Harmony. Battles and victories that would make you a legend thrice over before you've had your first foal. And Trixie is merely a strolling player, living on the margins, with no roots, no home and few who would miss her when she goes. Yet I would not trade places for all the world. For you have seen only the love of a goddess, I have seen only her anger, and still you fear her. You could command even the captain of Celestia's Guard, yet you fear the world. You read and study more about magic than any has in living memory, yet your mentor and now your friends must drag you kicking and screaming to face the world. Something Trixie has done without fear, without world-shaking powers and without friends, for years."

Twilight stared at her in stunned amazement.

Trixie shook her head and continued. "No, I would not be the great force that the goddess Celestia trusts and dispatches to face demons and monsters galore. I will never cross your path, unless some trinket of fell and mighty magic falls into my hands. Even then my chances of victory would be slim. I will never be even a shadow of what you are, yet I am happier being me, than you are being you. There is peace in that, and I will take the punishments for my actions and still be Trixie. You seem most frightened of being consumed alive and screaming by Twilight Sparkle. Is she really somepony to be so feared? Or is her power what you fear? She has a good heart, she has friends who love and trust her. If you cannot trust her, then trust them, they will keep her from harming you." She turned to the guard captain. "Trixie is ready to begin serving her sentence."

The captain led Trixie away. The traveling player felt the eyes of Celestia's favored student on her for quite a while.

"I've never heard it put quite that way before," the captain said.

"Trixie does not desire to be pitied, by one so afraid. Trixie does not know why she fears, but somepony had to tell her that her fears were there."

"Well, thank you in any case. That's her big brother saying that."

Trixie almost choked. "You are Twilight Sparkle's elder sibling?"

"To quote one of the locals, 'Yep'."

They walked in silence for a while. "What are my duties?"

"Initially, don't cast any magic. Beyond that, whatever the nurses tell you to do," the captain said. "I have never spent much time in hospitals, so I don't know the routine."

Trixie nodded.

Luna hadn't expected to see Glorious Sunrise in the command post. The griffin waited patiently for Luna to acknowledge him. "Colonel-General, I thought you would have returned home with the rest."

He placed a parchment on the writing desk. "The agreement needs your signet as well," the Colonel-General said, "The basic stipulations are an increase in certain imports and exports between the Griffon Lands and Equestria. An exchange of foods he'll need to remain healthy as well as cheeses. A few restrictions on imports that will be quickly reversed when our 'Prince Bluebloods' realize they have been improved by what you discover. And, one griffon observer. As a spy for the griffon lands, you'll find my nephew quite useful. He's one of our finest codebreakers. Note, I said codes, not ciphers. For an alien language, you'll need a codebreaker, not a deciphering expert."

"Most generous," Luna said quietly as she noted the griffon's signature alongside Celestia's official mark. Two copies of the document. One for the griffons and one for Equestria. Luna scanned the entire document, verified the copies were exact, then added her own mark to both, making the document binding.

"Our peoples have not been enemies for centuries." The griffon collected one of the papers. "But as rivals, we have made each other better. This is too large for even the alicorn-sisters to carry alone. The dragons will allow us to do the hard work. While they stay out of our way. The chick knows what is expected, and will answer to me only. Both through the chain of command, and the ties of blood. We have crawled forward on these." He held up his claw and closed it. "We cared nothing for the boring teachings that would let us truly use them. Your people too often look to others to lead. And suddenly, here someone else has paid in time, and tears and probably blood to enable us both to leap ahead a thousand years. Only while he lives will we have full access and expertise. Even if they are walking, breathing examples of what not to do, we can still profit by seeing those mistakes and the first steps on the paths that led to them."

Luna nodded. "My thanks. This cost you, personally."

The old griffon shrugged. "There are things we both do for our nations, and our world. Prices we pay. I will let history decide if I am a shallow opportunist, or a visionary." The griffon gave a brief, wintery smile. "I have the advantage of not having to listen to all the picklocks of historians who seek to open my long-dead heart and fill it with their own prejudices. I sympathize with you that you have not this buffer."

"Most kind," Luna said and watched the old griffon depart.

Derpy hovered outside the window of the hospital, looking in. Dinky rode her back as she often did. The figure took up two, normal, hospital beds, and the tubes that ran from both his forelegs indicated just how dire his condition was.

"He'll be all right, in a few days," Derpy said, "You'll see. And in a few weeks, they'll be able to get him back to normal."

"He's alone," Dinky said quietly, holding back the tears. "I had Dinky Doo with me that day. He can't know he has friends around. We can't tell him."

Derpy noted the azure unicorn who entered and stared at them hovering outside. "The unicorn who brought him back is there. He knows she's there," Derpy said, "We should trust in that."

"When he gets better. Pinkie will want to throw him a party," Dinky said with a touch of dread.

"Well, I think Princess Luna will have something to say about that," Derpy said as she watched the unicorn mare open his shirt and begin washing him. She smiled at that, knowing how important having Dinky close was to her and that this simple act would tell him there were others there for him. "We just have to trust them."

Trixie accepted the menial chores foisted off on her by the nurses. They were her penalty, but being the one who watched him most closely was worth it. So, the monster slayer, and when I was at your mercy, you stayed your hand. Despite me injuring you, by all accounts worse than any others have, the thought made her stomach knot up. If I have proven unworthy of that trust, forgive me, she thought as she watched and listened. If this is the role Trixie must play, she thought, She shall play it with all her skill and abilities.

The doctors and nurses came and went, while they looked at her with vague disdain, but she never failed to carry out their instructions. And she watched, closely. It was mid-afternoon before anything interesting happened.

"Doctor, I think he's waking," Trixie called out the door as she heard the faint noises.

His speech is little more than noises, she thought as the doctor and two nurses raced in past her. She moved to the other side of the bed. Her heart skipped as he opened his eyes, let them rove across the unfamiliar scene, then locked onto her face.

He smiled and made a soft, interrogative noise.

"We got out, we're back in Ponyville," she told him and stepped close enough he could touch her.

Moment of truth, Trixie thought as the trained, medical ponies chattered, she placed her head next to his hand. He'll either crush my skull, or . . .

The feeling of those fingers digging through her fur until the soft nails reached her skin, and the feeble scratching behind her ears. It's almost better than the applause of an audience, she thought as she forced herself to hold where he could reach her. Too soon he tapered off and stopped. She nuzzled his hand in return.

"So I'm forgiven," she said, "I do apologize."

His eye lids were drooping, and he laid his head back on the pillow. He let out a long breath and faded back to sleep.

Trixie returned her attention to the conferring medical ponies. "Is there anything I should do?" Trixie asked.

"Stay with him, and keep an eye on him," Nurse Redheart said, "We weren't expecting him to awaken for several days."

"The chemical is still in him?" Trixie asked.

"Yes," the doctor said, "If he remains awake, push fluids. If he drinks more, he'll flush the chemical out of his blood much faster."

"I understand, fill and empty," Trixie said. She ignored the looks from the nurses, and considered her next task.

How do you convince someone of something, who doesn't speak your language? Trixie considered. Pictures will have to do, she thought.

"I need some paper and a pencil."

"No horn magic," Nurse Redheart admonished.

"Yes, do it Earth Pony style," Trixie said, "Understood." She considered the images to draw. "The pegasus who was outside this morning. Would it be safe? Having her and her foal closer?"

Luna dreaded this. Nightmare Moon is only my own anxieties, she told herself as she delved into the realm where she held sole sway over Equestria.

"And of course I go tramping straight to the one dream space I have neither control nor understanding." She stepped into the monster's dreams, and was instantly face to face with her dread.

All right, so it's my anxiety, powered by the effect of his fears, she thought, So if I don't touch his dreams, I won't face it again.

"So the little one comes again to face the big, bad shadows you thought you'd buried," Nightmare Moon told her, taking the form of a horse half-again taller than Luna's form.

"I have buried you, unless you are now claiming to be prophesy," Luna said, "I should warn you, that he is even less tolerant of your intrusions that I."

"You have so little sway here, and are wrong about so many things," Nightmare Moon said as she approached, and laughed as Luna stepped back. "So afraid. I will rule here and nothing you do can stop me. From here, all of Equestria."

"Oh, I don't know. That metal lump over there might be some indication of his preferences," Luna said of the oversized, metal wagon using some kind of metal bands encompassing all the wheels, instead of tires. The huge upturned sauce pan topping the metal wagon swung its 'handle' around aimed clearly at Nightmare Moon.

That almost looks like a tank, Luna thought, What would they need a tank that size for? What it sprayed was very disappointing to Luna.

"My eyes!" the Nightmare shouted as the sticky liquid that smelled of lamp oil covered the evil mare.

As Luna's private shame became a miasma again, the machine spat a bolt of fire that completely consumed the cloud that was Nightmare Moon's natural form. Luna noted that there were several much smaller weapons that dotted the wagon's body. One had started pointing at her during the destruction of Nightmare Moon.

Oh wonderful, now is really the time to realize you don't know the gesture for 'I surrender'. It's changed often enough over the centuries I wouldn't even hope to guess right with an alien.

The machine backed away over a ridge, then sprayed an arc of the foul-smelling liquid at the top of the ridge, and set it aflame. The resulting wall of flame blocked the way between Luna and the path the tank had taken to withdraw.

In a pony's dream I could will this way. Here, that is very dangerous, Luna thought as she trotted up to the wall that burned fiercely, But why that machine, and not put the monsters to use? She prepared to step through the wall when she realized, That may only be a sentinel. A piece of dream stuff set to a specific task. He may not be operating it himself. If that's the case, it may attack anything that crosses the perimeter, rather than react with judgement. Luna drew back and considered.

"Who are you?" Luna shouted over the noise of the flames, "What do you want? What do you want of us?"

Trixie heard the faint whimpering as her charge rolled from side to side. Outside the window and the door were only darkness, the faint conversations at the nurses' station had long ago faded away. She smirked as she threaded herself through the sideboards where his arms were restrained to prevent him from pulling the tubes out. She carefully slid her head and neck under his neck before telling him. "It's all right. Trixie is here. Trixie will protect you," she'd said it like a mother to a foal, and his agitation diminished. She pulled the covers back over both of them with her hooves then wrapped her legs around him. "Trixie is here. Trixie will protect you."

Luna watched in amazement as the flames faded. They didn't burn out, they slowly vanished. I thought only Celestia dreamed that way, she considered as she approached where she could look over the crest of the ridge. She concentrated every sense she had as she moved the last few paces. This could be a trap that metal flame thrower could be laying. Get me close and incinerate me, she worried, No, that 'beep' seems to be more his style of trap. Something you either play along with, or you can look small and petty by fighting it. Those cookie mines would be his way of setting a trap.

She crawled the last few dozen steps on her belly with her head down and peeked over the ridge. The dark gray-violet eyes of the azure unicorn stared back at her. The grim determination of the strolling player gave Luna a moment's pause.

That's who is . . . no, that's the avatar of what I'm facing. I'm still facing that metal monster, and its cousins. This Trixie is a projection, Luna thought, then inwardly seethed, He drives me off, and accepts that, that, that! Pony who rescued him from being kidnaped. She's a symbol, nothing more. Luna stood and faced the apparition. So she doesn't know anything more than he knows.

She formed the saddle, bit and bridle that Rarity hadn't yet delivered in the waking world, put them on and followed the humbug down the ridge. The look of absolute confusion on his face was worth any bit of humiliation.

So, you wouldn't expect us to know about this? she wanted to ask, You'll never guess what this gear is supposedly for, but all you'd care about is what it implies in your world. She looked at the blanket spread on the ground, the basket and the collection of mason jars, wrapped trays and other picnic paraphernalia.

The only clue to his real feelings was the huge, metal hill moving far in the distance. It threw blots and bolts of pure light at the diminishing purple miasma that tried to get past it. Luna could see that each time a shot clipped Nightmare Moon's miasma form, it was diminished.

"Couldn't happen to a nicer horror," Luna commented. She paused at the edge of the blanket. Trixie backed across it, never taking her eyes off of Luna. Neither did the monster. Neither showed any hostility, but neither smiled or seemed in any way welcoming. The performer knelt down beside him.

Luna looked rather pointedly at the edge of the blanket, then at the monster. "Are you going to give me permission, or not?" Luna asked, then shook her head. "I don't even know why I am bothering." She turned and cantered away, vanishing into the dreams of other ponies.

Day 13

Luna trudged out of her bed and towards her wash stand. I believe Twilight's statement that the ponies of this town are all crazy, she thought as she looked in the mirror, There was not one who was not having nightmares of one sort or another.

She hadn't realized the cause of all the dreams until she'd watched Cheerilee dreaming of having scalding water poured on her back as she shielded her students beneath her. A drop of water had hit a filly and she screamed, mockingly similar to the monster's cries on returning in front of Ponyville General. "It was the scream," Luna told her reflection, "It sounded like a foal's shriek. Wrong timbre, but the pattern of sound was correct. That's probably why he reacted to those fillies, they made a sound similar to his own people's young."

"So they all heard that horrible sound generated by an adult," Emerald Light said as he entered with a sheaf of communications, "And it gave them all nightmares. Reasonable."

"What is all that?' Luna asked, "As if I didn't know."

"Various protests from the staffs of -"

"I can't simply tell all of them to stick their heads in a bucket and yell real loud?" Luna asked.

"The echos would be detrimental," Emerald Light suggested. "There are a few communiques from her Majesty, and some from your sister."

Luna nodded at the subtle difference those two sets of messages conveyed.

"And three dossiers on our griffon codebreaker. One from our intelligence, one from the griffons, and the last from Queen Tiamat's intelligence troops. That should make interesting reading." Emerald paused to consider his words carefully. "Why are the dragons, who've never taken a serious interest in we 'lesser beings' suddenly so interested in this situation? It can't be that they feel the least remorse that an outcast of their own was doing something despicable."

"Queen Tiamat is nearly as old as Celestia," Luna explained, "I suspect that she is simply planning ahead."

Emerald Light accepted the answer. But his eyes told Luna he wasn't satisfied with it.

"My friend, I don't know what she's planning. But dragons don't do favors for no reason, and they let you know there are strings attached very early on. If she hasn't let us know by now, then there are no strings later."

"Giving more weight to the idea that there is something not quite right about this entire scenario," the unicorn said.

"I'm more worried about where our elusive unicorn has gone. I tried to locate her, and I'll bet so has Celestia," Luna said, "If we can't, then there's something seriously wrong. She shouldn't be able to hide this effectively."

"Unless she isn't hiding," Emerald Light said, "What are the chances that Miss Trixie was mistaken, and so possibly was her mentor?"

"That 'Tear Twirler' was really a dragon?" Luna asked.

"Or, that our friend here really was chasing something. Something able to take a pony's form. Those monsters could shape-change, and there are legends about shape-changing monsters in our history as well," Emerald Light said.

The Lunar Diarch shook her head. "You always know exactly what to say to make my day infinitely worse," Luna said and smiled.

"With respect, Highness, my job is to make your life more organized. Not easier," Emerald Light admitted.

Luna nodded. "Then what is waiting for me out there? Success, failure, just the unknown, or something none of us can even conceive of?"

"Yes," her chamberlain told her. "The important thing is telling one from another."

Nurse Redheart entered the monster's room to let in the morning light, and nearly facehooved. Trixie replacing the pillows she could almost understand. Derpy Hooves cuddled up beside him and Dinky Hooves' horn peeking out of the covers around the monster's feet was almost unbelievable. The monster's put-upon expression made the whole things so funny she raced back to the nurses' station so none of them would hear her laughing like a madmare.

She managed to get her mirth under control as she reentered his room and opened the curtains. He stared at her with vague irritation as she carefully took a blood sample and made certain nothing had disturbed the IVs going into his forelegs. She left, prim and proper, and only gave into the giggles after she was back at the nurses' station.

As the day continued on, he watched the entire medical staff troop through his hospital room. First they gave him a battery of shots, with three of the burliest guards they could find standing by. All the while, the azure and cornflower unicorn trying to be placating. Then was a full range of motion test on every joint he had, except his feet.

I hope they don't take me as a baseline, he thought, Nobody my age should be flexible enough to look at the top of their own foot close up.

As a joke, he'd let them bend his pinkie until they'd dislocated it. It had hurt like Hell and still did, but the utter panic and chaos of the reaction from the doctors at that little but completely recognizable pop had been hilarious.

The unicorn reacted by launching into a blistering lecture on his little joke.

What's with the tears? he wondered.

The tone of the lecture hadn't changed, but she now had tears streaming down her cheeks. Her voice cracked as she shouted at him and stamped her hooves. The doctors and the nurses were sheepishly slipping out.

Okay, I'd better apologize, he thought and moved over in the bed, then patted empty space beside him. A moment later, he had a lapful of shivering unicorn.

She continued her lecture, but more quietly. She wrapped her forelegs around him and her tears soaked through his shirt. A nurse slipped in, popped the joint back into place, and attached a splint. Her expression screamed 'I know something I won't tell'.

I just wish I knew whether she was sharing a secret with me, he wondered, Or if she was telling me that she agrees with what the unicorn is saying. The unicorn eventually ran out of steam and fell asleep lying on his stomach, her forelegs wrapped around his waist.

Day 14

"The tests still show a dangerous amount of the material in his system. We've been monitoring for blood in his urine which should be an early warning that the poison is again causing damage," Nurse Redheart reported to her Highness and several of the Element Bearers. "And I think if Trixie urges more water or tea on him than she has been, we're going to have an insurrection on our hands."

Twilight and Pinkie giggled at that. Even Applejack smiled. Her Highness seemed the grim note to the place.

"Are you all right, your Highness?" the nurse pony asked.

Luna focused on her. "Another night of bad dreams. Both my own and the Ponyvillians," she replied, "Your own you well know, and they are not atypical."

The nurse shook herself to free her memory of last night's nightmares. She'd let her romantic feelings for another pony be known. Rather than accepting, she'd been ridiculed and eventually hounded first out of Ponyville, then the entire medical community. Then it had happened in her next dream, with a 'safer' choice. And again with a pony who actually helped the hounders. The nurse had been quite shaken when she'd managed to wake up.

She saw that Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack had similar expressions to her own. The Princess just looked more tired. "Looks like I wasn't the only one."

"It's as if his scream gave you all license to be consumed by your fears," Luna said, "Containing them has been exhausting."

"Think happy thoughts!" Pinkie insisted.

"Yours have been particularly disturbing," Luna replied sharply. " 'Giggle at the Ghosties' does have its limits, does it not?"

"Yeah," Pinkie admitted quietly.

"We'll soon have the source located, and under control," Luna assured them. "Until then, your Princess will guard your dreams."

"Question, Princess. Last night, Ah had a couple where this big, metal hill came through and sorta dealt with them afore you showed up. Coulda used it the night before. Rarity started makin' dresses outta apple slices."

"Why in the world would that be a nightmare?" Rarity asked.

"Parasprites?" Twilight offered.

"More like folks not stoppin' at the apple layer," Applejack replied, "Yer Highness, is that new?"

Luna smiled. "It is an attempt to extend myself further. It was not too disturbing I hope."

"Only in how big it was," Applejack answered.

"Thank you, nurse, please return to the patient," Luna said, her demeanor more friendly.

Redheart nodded and left.

"No, Applejack, that was not me. The previous night, I attempted to enter his dream, and that creature, and Trixie were his chosen defenders against a manifestation of Nightmare Moon. Whether the hill is a manifestation of my role as protector, or his fear of me, I do not know. That last night it was able to enter other dreams is a concern, but you were not harmed by it?"

"Seemed polite, even respectful," Applejack admitted, "Apologized for shakin' all the apples loose as it drove down the road. Saved me a ton a work, and the road ain't never been so smooth."

Luna smiled at that. "I am concerned that all these nightmares, and all the associated problems are not as detached as I hope. Both Celestia and I have received bad dreams. You were all caught up in one, and with Miss Rarity's help I broke out of the cycle of waking from one nightmare into another."

"Princess," Applejack said, "What if those movies weren't real? I mean documentaries. What if they were like vaccine?"

"Vaccines?" Twilight asked.

Applejack seemed to be struggling with the thought. "Ah know that vaccines are weak versions of the disease. Ta build up immunity. What if those cinemas are the same? Little bit a nightmares so the kids don't get scared a other things."

"So, they aren't real, but the dreams we've all been having are?" Luna asked.

"Yeah. So y'all show foals those cinemas, git them used ta fears, and so they don't look at nightmares like we do." Applejack shook her head. "That hill woulda been a real nightmare, 'cept I kinda knew the monster wouldn't hurt nopony. No offense Princess, you and Princess Celestia don't think that big."

"The idea that those were to train children not to be afraid of their own dreams is in some ways a more frightening idea than them being documentaries," Luna said, "Or did you mean it got them used to fear. To be made afraid in small, controllable doses, so when they were adults, fewer things would frighten them?"

"No, but they'd work fer that too," Applejack said.

"The more we think about that creature, the more I wish we could just send it home," Luna admitted.

"I've got the going away party planned!" Pinkie offered.

Luna rolled her eyes. "Why does that not surprise me?" Luna asked.

The tea had collected all that it could of the poison the ponies were concerned about, and it wanted to leave. NOW! He cleared his throat and swung his legs out of the hospital bed. The first time I tried this yesterday, she nearly killed herself getting over here before my feet could touch the floor, he thought sardonically, I don't think I'll die if I touch the ground, but somebody is not willing to take the chance.

The careful process of getting on the back of an animal whose eye-level was below his waist, to keep his feet off the ground was a delicate one. It would have been impossible with the IVs. This was is going better than the first time. I thought I'd break my neck, he thought as the unicorn solicitously let him fumble around, trying to keep his balance, while she moved as if carrying a delicate object. The two most obvious 'handles', her horn and tail were out. She'd tolerate him grabbing them, but she clearly wasn't happy with him yanking on either to prevent a fall.

"Sorry about this," he told her, "Maybe, if I knew how, I should tell the docs to let me get back to my house. At least the toilet there is human-sized."

She still maneuvered with a care and precision he doubted he could have reciprocated. Then came the embarrassing part.

"You know, an alien female, with eye-line just under waist level, having this great an interest in a male peeing is a bit on the creepy side," he said.

She proved immune to his bitterness, and when he was done, she happily carried him back to the hospital bed.

"I wish I understood you better," he said, as he sat back, and looked at the urn of tea, and the flask of reddish liquid that tasted like a sports drink. "More electrolytes to balance, and more tea to flush my system. I swear a chelation treatment might be a better idea." He drank a fair amount of each and settled in to go back to sleep.

Her response was to put her chin on the bed and smile at him.

"You know a creepy grin would be less unsettling," he remarked. She still looked at him like a happy cocker spaniel.

"What do you want?" he asked quietly. "Every one of you critters has some goal or need. Some want what I know. Some just want me to play their games. Some I can't figure out for the life of me and I just have to go with their behavior. Which are you? Or are you something different?"

Her response was to smile more and put her head where he could scratch behind her ears. She loved it, and he found it remarkably soothing. Especially her utterly contented expression.

"I don't believe you're only interested in my fingers."

Trixie felt his grip slacken as he relaxed back to sleep. She enjoyed the aftereffects of the contact, and the feeling of mutual needs being satisfied. It nearly broke my heart to hear you speaking that way. I wish I could have answered your questions. I wish I could have understood them. Are you like me, so separated that you look on others, as the 'other'? Or were you afraid of me? I hope not.

She looked over the medical arrangements and found he was not in danger of harming himself. I'm glad he's making a recovery, she thought as she laid down on a blanket on the floor. They warned me of the danger of blood in his urine. And to alert them immediately. So far, none seen, she thought as she settled and dozed. In her dreams Twilight Sparkle received the accolades for discovering an entirely new civilization, rules of physics and energy sources undreamed of and then cowered in her room weeping, while Trixie knocked audiences all over Equestria flat with escapes and magic tricks that none of them could explain. She smiled happily at the images.

Big Mac carefully unlocked the front door. Behind him, Derpy and Rarity followed. "I don't feel right about this," he said.

"He needs something to do," Derpy said, "And he trusted you with the key. So if you help deliver the clothes and books. It should be okay."

"Sweet Celestia," Rarity gasped as she saw the book case in the living room, "Twilight mentioned it, but . . . "

"There's another one in here, and a third in the bedroom," Derpy supplied from the family room, "It's really amazing. He's got almost as many books as the library."

"No wonder poor Twilight wanted to get in here," Rarity said and shook her head. "We have a job, and if we do it well, we can be invited back later."

"Yep," Big Mac said.

"Why hasn't Shining Armor and the team swept through here?" Derpy asked, "If they are worried."

"A bit of courtesy," Rarity said, "That and they suspect there may be more 'Pinkie' traps. I don't think we need to be afraid though."

"Big, little or medium-sized?" Derpy asked as she examined the book shelves.

"I'd look for a couple small and a medium-sized," Rarity offered, "Look for the more worn ones. He's probably reread those."

"What about the book shelf in the office?" Big Mac said from down the hall. "More books in here, and if it were my office, I'd keep the ones I'd read and reread in there."

Rarity headed towards the office Big Mac was talking about. "The color scheme could use some sprucing up."

"What's wrong with white and dark wood? Looks like mosta our buildings." Big Mac had selected a thick, medium-sized book whose dust jacket was very worn. "This book must be important, else you'd throw away the cover. And all the bookmarks."

"Yes, we'll take that one." Rarity looked around. "I was rather hoping to find the collection of sheets for the dictionary. Put I don't know if it's locked in one of those boxes, or if it's somewhere else."

"Best not mess with those," Derpy said from out in the corridor, "One of them was where the microscope was hooked up. Who knows what they can do."

"Undergarments," Rarity said firmly, "I suspect that some clean, familiar clothes will help his morale." She trotted into the master bedroom. "You weren't joking," she said of yet another large bookshelf, "Once Twilight has an adequate dictionary and understands the language, she'll be harder to pry out of here than a barnacle."

"Clothes," Big Mac reminded Rarity.

"Yes, of course, just wondering what other wonders lurk in here," she said and laughed nervously.

The underwear was found in a very Equestrian chest of drawers.

Big Mac had been looking around, now he had to ask, "Why does all this look like it could be Equestrian-made. It's only a little different from what we have at home."

"I have been wondering that myself," Rarity admitted, "So much of their devices are similar. But for them some of the items make sense. Door handles better suited to hands not hooves, tools that are not designed for the best use by ponies. Odd that an alien would have tools, which are designed for them, that look so much like ours."

"We got our tools from them?" Derpy asked.

"I think we would have heard about creatures like these dropping their tools all over the place," Rarity said, "They are rather hard to hide."

"Not from Discord's time," Derpy pointed out, "From what I saw in Ponyville, he could have arrived and no one would have even noticed. But that was a thousand years ago."

"Twilight would be the expert on time travel, and Discord," Rarity said and shuddered. "She could tell you if Discord could pluck someone from this monster's 'present' and take it back to our past. Although I suspect that the disruptions would be considerable." She considered, then added, "That would be a bonus for Discord."

"Ah don't want ta know," Big Mac said and looked around nervously, "Are we done?"

"Problems?" Rarity asked.

"Feels like it does before the timberwolves start howlin'. Like something's watching we'd rather not face," he admitted.

"We've got a week's worth of clothes," Rarity said.

"I've got about fifteen books," Derpy added.

"That's enough," Big Mac said as he glanced around nervously, "Let's go."

"You don't normally spook that way," Rarity said as they headed back to the front door, "Bad dreams about this house?"

"No, just a bad feeling in general. Like the house knows we ain't supposed ta be in here," Big Mac replied as they left. He carefully locked the door and tested it to make sure he'd done a proper job. Once outside, he relaxed. "Sorry about that."

"After dealing with Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense' and enjoying your family's Zap Apple jam," Rarity offered, "I am willing to leave others to their hunches. But I didn't feel anything, except wonderment."

Big Mac nodded and they headed towards the hospital.

The monster seemed overjoyed at the addition of reading material and clean clothes to its hospital stay. When the ponies stood around waiting for it to change, the enthusiasm drained away.

"Trixie thinks he'd be more comfortable if left alone," Trixie explained somewhat apologetically.

"What's the problem?" Derpy asked, while Big Mac headed towards the door.

"I think it's uncomfortable with being stared at."

"We're his friends," Derpy replied.

"Then understand that someponies are frightened of things that make no sense to us," Rarity explained from outside the room and waved for the others to join her, "Like you being away from Dinky. I'm quite happy when Sweetie Belle is off playing with her friends," Rarity said and closed the door behind her.

Trixie looked at him. He pointedly looked at the door and she shook her head. She marched around proudly, gesticulating and giving orders. "Peasant do this, flunky do that." She took her own demeanor and pointed to herself, and then him. "I have to keep an eye on you. Besides, they've got a tub for you to wash up in, while they change the sheets so you'll feel much better."

I'm sorry for getting you into this, she thought, You try and show how in control and strong you are to the others. She hopped up on the bed, and rubbed her cheek on his chest. But thank you for showing me your apprehension. Thank you for trusting me.

She didn't press. I know it's just a matter of you getting comfortable with this. You know you have to do it as well as I do. After a little while he sighed, and slid towards the edge of the bed. She was under him in an instant.

"Trixie wishes she were taller," Trixie admitted, "This side to side business is comfortable for neither of us." She made certain he was settled, and his feet were off the ground before she started out. As they entered the bathing room, he placed one set of the fresh clothes on a shelf where he could reach them from the rim of the tub. Then Trixie maneuvered so he could slip off her back and onto the rim of the tub. With that done, Trixie locked the door to the room and let him strip off the white, short-sleeved shirt he's been wearing. The short, tight pants of similar material were all that was left and he seemed very embarrassed about removing them.

"Trixie has seen what's underneath," she told him, then looked at him more closely, "It isn't the bits and pieces that bother you so much as the whole thing?" She snickered and turned her back. A moment later the last garment hit the floor beside the other and the water for the tub came on. She turned around and selected a second wash cloth. He was mostly in the tub, with his long legs dangling outside over the rim, keeping his bandaged feet dry. The moment she stepped into the tub behind him, he tensed up.

Someone needs to lighten up, and if the pranks played at the party a few days ago are any indication, he can take a joke, Trixie thought as she moved up directly behind him, which oddly relaxed his anxiety. She grinned as she ran her tongue across his back.

He yelped and turned his head to gobble what was probably a protest. She was deep in thought, 'deciding' if she liked the taste or not. Kind of a salty, smoky flavor, she thought, then licked him again and considered. That brought another protest, louder and more strident. Trixie pinned back her ears and tried to look as guilty as possible. Then she shrugged, pushed him forward so his chest was against his legs, and she began washing his back with the cloth. She smiled at the grumble rumble he made. Complaining about 'crazy ponies' no doubt, Trixie thought as she worked. He soon relaxed again as she finished with his back and signaled him to extend his arms to let her clean them. She also looked for any telltale signs of bruising. You always resist initially, then come around, she thought as she rinsed the cloth and continued her work, I guess it's not in your nature to give in easily. Or you dig in when it is safe to. Considering the ponies you're facing here, I can understand why you'd be leery of everything.

When she'd finished with his arms, she stepped out of the tub and worked on his lower legs while he washed his front and upper legs. Something else to report, besides the clothing need. A great deal of privacy about certain areas. I wonder if its cultural shame, or a more practical reason. Probably both.

He drained the tub as he toweled off, but it was clear he had something in mind. Once he had the fresh clothes on, he patted the side of the tub and crooked a finger towards her. Trixie froze for a moment. This is it Trixie, the demand made that he accept Trixie meant him no harm. Now the situation reverses. 'Anything you can do, Trixie can do better.' Accept the kindness and ministrations of an alien you can barely communicate with. This was not an expected challenge. But Trixie will meet your challenge.

She stepped into the tub and let him sluice her down. Then he began working the shampoo into her coat and she nearly dissolved. That feels so good, she thought as she felt her legs quivering as his fingers worked the shampoo into her coat, and he used the warm water and slipperiness of the shampoo to work away tension she hadn't realizes she'd been carrying. She was lying on the bottom of the tub when he finally started working on her mane and tail.

Interesting, Trixie thought sleepily, He was as reticent about washing some parts of me, as he is about letting anyone touch corresponding parts of him. I think it is a cultural thing.

He opened the door and looked out. "I think I need a bucket or the nurse's aide," he called. He'd stayed on his knees to keep from getting yelled at incoherently by the medics.

The familiar nurse with the red cross and hearts mark on her rear hip entered, her face a mask of curiosity. The azure unicorn mumbled something, which set the nurse giggling. She called for a gurney to carry her back to the room. He got a four-wheeled furniture dolly.

"Suits me," he said as he knelt on the dolly and pushed himself along with his hands on the floor. The orderlies stared worriedly at him. "Oh, was I supposed to be offended at your little joke? I'm a bit too pragmatic for that. I'd walk, but you'd sedate me," he replied to their stares.

They arrived back in his room and he made sure that the unicorn was properly bedded down before he climbed back into the bed.

"Enjoy," he said as he pulled the covers over himself and went back to sleep.

Day 15

Nurse Redheart was in the command post giving the morning report to her Highness, the observer corps cadre and the Element Bearers. "Our analysis indicates the chemical's concentration is low enough to risk close proximity to magic users. If that goes well, we might consider the use of the healing spell. It should be able to counteract any damage from the chemical, and remove the chemical completely."

"I've researched the spells we'll need," Twilight replied, "It should be easy with the number of unicorns with experience we have."

Luna nodded. "There is the first experiment," Luna said, "And frankly, I think we should start smaller. An earth pony."

"But Highness, all the staff who've have contact with him are earth ponies," Nurse Redheart said.

"As well as a unicorn filly and pegasus mare who spent the night with him early on to no ill-effect. I have one rather more magical pony in mind," Luna said as she smiled at Pinkie Pie. "And a test of her restraint."

"Actually Highness," Applejack said, "It should be two ponies, with Pinkie havin' to make some otherpony hoove the mark."

Pinkie's eyes widened at Applejack's grin. "Ah, Applejack, not a good idea," Pinkie said desperately.

"Please explain," Luna said.

"Y'all need strong unicorns for the spell," Applejack said, "But if Twi's right, if all you are is helpin' the spell, wanting to help is a good way to make the power really flow." Applejack smiled. "There's one unicorn, aside from Trixie, who'd desperately want to make this critter all better."

Pinkie was shaking her head so hard it sounded like a cow bell. "Bad idea. Bad idea."

"Applejack," Rarity exclaimed, "You're a genius."

"Pinkie, are you all right?" Sweetie Drops asked the normally irrepressible, pink mare as she disheartenedly carried a tray of muffins, cupcakes, breads and cheeses atop her head through the corridors of the hospital.

"Just nervous," Pinkie said, and laughed apprehensively, "Now Lyra, remember, calm. It's easily frightened, and if you scare it too much, it can get - dangerous."

"But it's so wonderful," Lyra said dreamily.

"Focus, Lyra," Pinkie gently insisted. "If we scare it, Luna will take it somewhere 'safe', and we'll never see it again." She growled as the green unicorn ignored her.

"Now you know how most of us feel," Sweetie Drops complained quietly.

Pinkie growled at that too.

"Do not distress yourselves," Trixie said as she stepped out into the corridor. She wore her hat and cape this time. "Long before you have a chance to cause permanent harm, Trixie will fling you through an open window."

"And how did you get so privileged?" Lyra replied heatedly.

Trixie scoffed. "Their Highnesses' intervention," Trixie said and tossed her mane.

"They arrested and sentenced her," Pinkie replied and got in the mare's face, "You weren't rewarded."

Unperturbed Trixie replied, "Believe what you wish." She stepped aside to let them in. Still she watched them very closely and seemed more a predator ready to pounce than the monster ever did.

Lyra gasped. Pinkie didn't even need her Pinkie sense to predict that. The monster looked at them all very suspiciously. Pinkie smiled, forced it not to become a grin and carefully slid the tray of goodies onto a table where the monster could reach them. Then she stepped back, where she could help Trixie tackle Lyra if needed. Fortunately, Lyra was still paralyzed with amazement. Sweetie Drops closed her friend's open mouth and looked at the monster.

"Hasn't he been here for a couple weeks, and hasn't he been through town a couple dozen times?" Sweetie Drops asked, then gently shook Lyra.

"Of. Course. I'll. Help. Him. Get. Well," Lyra said, and started shivering. Then she jumped out the open window.

The monster rushed to the window to see if she was all right. He reeled back, as if from a bad smell, at the sight of Lyra dancing like a madmare shouting 'they're real!', 'I was right!', and 'FINGERS!'

"Good thing we're on the second floor," Sweetie Drops commented as the monster heel-walked back to the bed.

Pinkie couldn't stand it anymore. She raced back to the nurse's station and began shouting all the questions she had for the monster before they burned a hole in her brain. As her tirade wore down and the world came back into focus, she saw the frightened nurses. More importantly, she saw the glass of ice water. "Excuse me," she said, and dumped the water over her head. As the ice cubes sizzled away to nothing, she squared her shoulders. "Pinkie Pie, you can do this. You have to do this." She determinedly marched back towards the hospital room.

Inside, she saw Trixie carefully guarding, one of the two of them, the monster or Sweetie Drops. The monster seemed to be digging its fingers into Sweetie Drops' skull, while Sweetie Drops ear-flattened, knees-shaking pose showed she was loving every instant of it.

"No wonder she was so obsessed with fingers," Sweetie Drops said, "That's wonderful!"

"Imagine having your coat shampooed with those," Trixie said. She lifted a thick slice of bread adorned with several pieces of cheese to the creature's mouth. Her magic touched only part of the bread she levitated. It frowned at her.

"It lets you feed it?" Pinkie asked as she approached.

"He hates it," Trixie replied, then grinned, "That's half the fun." The monster snapped at the bread like a timberwolf, biting through it easily. The action in no way distracted him from scratching behind Sweetie Drops' ears, which threatening to reduce the mare to a blissful bag of mush.

That's it in a nutshell, Pinkie realized, Violence on one hoof, gentleness on the other, and more a mirror of what it sees in us, than a plan of its own. The Princess was right, it is very dangerous, because it magnifies what it sees in us. She walked over very carefully, and while the monster took notice of her, it was Trixie's eyes that filled with malice and warning.

When Sweetie Drops rear haunches collapsed like an old barn, the monster stopped. Then the mare collapsed completely. "I'm dead," the mare moaned happily, "I've gone to the promised land."

"Trixie, would it be all right if he sent me there too?" Pinkie asked, looking from one to the other. He'd obviously enjoyed pleasing the stranger, and after a short exchange of glances with Trixie, he motioned Pinkie over.

The place he'd been scratching Sweetie Drops didn't have much effect on Pinkie. So he changed. Pinkie felt her face slacken and her back legs collapse, but she didn't care!

"This isn't as good as a party, but it's okay," she said happily. She focused on Trixie who'd moved to sit in front of her.

"That's why he likes the quiet," the mare explained to Pinkie. "A friend or two, not a thousand things flying in all directions. Remember that, and you'll get along. Forget it, and he will make a polite round of the guests, and slip away. That 'welcome' party for the upper crust of Equestria exhausted him. Yet he found the energy to be with a few select friends afterwards. You feel the power of being the pony he concentrates on. Divide that too thin, and nobody smiles."

"Yep," Pinkie said, not wanting to nod. "How do you know?" Pinkie asked, her rapturous feeling preventing the venom she'd wanted to put in the question.

"I watched him soon after he arrived. I don't know how Tear Twirler knew he'd come. And before you ask, I told Princess Luna."

Lyra pushed the gurney carrying a half-asleep Sweetie Drops and Pinkie back down the corridor. The mint unicorn was happily skipping, and the two 'cargo' seemed to be 50-percent grins by weight.

"I am going to have to declare 'fingers' a restricted substance if this continues," Luna said as she entered the hospital room with most of the rest of the magical team.

"I am wondering why you don't have any more problems with Pinkie Pie," Twilight asked as she brought out the papers she'd assembled on the Equestria language. She held up a drawing of Pinkie Pie to the monster.

It considered and carefully sketched out a drawing of it's own. He handed it to Twilight, and the near triptych made no sense whatsoever.

"I think that's a misconception we're going to let him keep," Shining Armor said and stepped aside to let Mile Stone see the explanation.

"I'm glad you understand it," Twilight said with some irritation, "Care to explain it?"

"He thinks she's a new lieutenant," Mile Stone said as if it were patently obvious.

"I get the lieutenant's insignia on the second Pinkie Pie, but what about the commode?" Twilight asked.

"Simple, lass. First drawing: Pinkie, second: Pinkie's got her lieutenant's commission yesterday that's what the single sun symbol over the arrow means. Third, we should have her toilet trained in twenty-one suns or three weeks," Mile Stone explained. "He assumes she's a new, very junior officer. New officers tend to be a bit . . . "

"They act like Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked. Shining Armor and Mile Stone nodded.

"A bit," Mile Stone added, "Very, enthusiastic."

"About everything," Armor added and rolled his eyes.

Twilight carefully folded the paper and placed it in her saddlebags.

"Very well, how do we explain about the healing spell?" Luna asked as she stepped close.

"Why not a simple demonstration?" Trixie offered, "A slight cut, and you heal it. He will understand the greater spell is to heal him."

"Trixie, I don't think he really trusts us," Twilight pointed out.

Trixie gave her a bored stare. "Whatever your relationship, he trusts Trixie. Once she has explained it, and given her approval, then he may only require the muffin maven to also pronounce it acceptable."

"Derpy?" Twilight asked incredulously.

"Yes," Trixie said haughtily, "Or are you uncertain your fellow Ponyvillian trusts you and your magic sufficiently to risk her friend's well-being in your hooves?"

The purple unicorn's furious expression made her look like she was ready to chew diamonds. "Fine," she said.

The chalkboard was filled with complicated mystic formulae and a simplified anatomical diagram of the monster's circulatory system.

"So with the flux vector in resonance, the auto-chelation function will separate the invasive species from the native substrate by binding all active sites, and inducing a homolytic cleavage instead of the hetrolytic cleavage, creating a temporary free-radical intermediate changing to neutral, multimeric subchains instead of acid-base monomers, which do not truly become amphoteric in vitro, because they function as electron pair receivers and donors, rather than exchanging protons. The chains are easily removed through the various excretory systems." Twilight turned to the assembled audience in the library's main hall. She looked to the monster, Derpy, Luna and Trixie. "So, what do you think?"

The monster had been examining the diagrams and scribbling down notes hastily.

"I won't let you," Derpy replied.

"Very good, now I think, wait, you won't let us?" Twilight asked.

"If my vote says you don't do this, then I vote no," Derpy said firmly.

"But," Twilight stammered and gestured at the chalkboard and diagrams.

"I asked if it was safe for him, and you talked about what the spell does. For an hour and a half. I know enough to know if someone can't make it simple, they don't really know what they are talking about," Derpy said, "I wouldn't risk Dinky's life on that explanation, I won't risk his." She nodded to the monster and smiled.

Twilight stared at Derpy in stunned silence. She turned to Luna and Trixie.

"Twilight Sparkle, I would be hard pressed to synthesize an answer to Derpy's question from your explanation. Other than 'maybe'," Luna admitted, "It is perhaps too ambitious and makes too many assumptions into its biochemistry."

"But, this spell will do everything we need, all at once," Twilight said, "It's perfect."

"Trixie suggests a simple purgative and emetic spell," Trixie said, "Then concentrate on the healing. Electrolyte balance can be restored orally."

"Uh," Derpy began.

"Vomiting and laxatives, then putting back the minerals he needs to stay healthy with sports drinks," Trixie explained.

Derpy looked apologetically at the monster, then nodded. "Yes, that sounds fine."

Twilight's jaw hung open.

"Never forget your audience," Trixie told the stunned, purple unicorn. She then drew a diagram of what the spell would do. The monster rolled his eyes and hung his head, then nodded his agreement.

The green, hornless unicorn nearly laughed with joy as she stepped through the barriers and befuddlements that had driven her back the few other times she had tried to make this pilgrimage through the depths of the Everfree. Perhaps I should thank that fool for blasting off my horn. And my so trusting mirror duplicates for believing what I was seeking could be shared, she thought of the fading wisps of magic the mirror pond now recovered after she had driven her doubled, redoubled, and reredoubled shadows over the defenses. Only a few remained, and their doubled, redoubled and reredoubled eagerness for the prize had erased any idea of self-preservation.

The last two were erased by the magical dampening field that opening the ancient doors had released. She'd never made it this far, but there were stories of fools trying to use Earth ponies for the task. Even Earth pony magic would leave the user weakened, terrorized and disoriented, she thought of the faint, shimmering aura around the ragged remnant of her horn that brought only the barest of headaches. Legends tell that this would drive ponies mad, as if they weren't already thought mad for seeking it.

She stepped into the temple proper. The roof had caved in from the last Equestrian to have left this place. She caught her saddle bags in her teeth and set them on the ground. She was aware of the pressure on her mind, but without magic to resist it, it passed through her without affecting her.

"So, now I know what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object, they don't interact. The force isn't resisted so it proceeds, and the object isn't touched, so it doesn't move. Brilliant." She drew the chalk from her pack and held it in her teeth as she began filling the temple floor with sigils.

And to think, Tear Twirler thought, I kept worrying how Nightmare's horn would replace mine. She glanced at the jagged stub jutting out of her skull. Problem solved, she thought and chuckled.

"Trixie will clean him up," Trixie told Nurse Redheart, "Please prepare the electrolytes." She grimaced as he moved clumsily away from the filth the spell had spewed from his body. Derpy flew over the noisome pools and lifted him directly. He seemed very fatigued by his body's efforts to expel the caustic poison. The room in the hospital had both steam hoses and open grates to dispose of what was expected to happen in this room. And to resterilize it after it had.

"You can use magic," Twilight said quietly, "And we should heal his wounds as soon as possible." She took a step towards the recipient of her magical efforts, then drew back in shame.

Lyra, Luna, Glory and several other unicorns of the observer corps were trying not to look at the effects of the spells they had cast, or the person they had cast them on. Derpy and Trixie moved up to steady him. Trixie's horn magic ran a cloth over his face. He rinsed his mouth with a cup of water, before gulping down the drink the nurse gave him.

"Slowly, slowly," the nurse urged.

"Smaller doses," Trixie said, "He only knows he hurts." The nurse nodded.

While Twilight and Luna prepared for the next spell and several others hosed down the floor, Trixie and Derpy washed the filth off him.

"Would Twilight's spell have worked better?" Derpy asked quietly.

"If it worked, it might have been cleaner. Doubtful it would have been easier," Trixie said. She looked at his face. He grinned tiredly.

"The next one will be easier," she assured him as he eagerly drank the small sips the nurse provided him now. "Soon you'll be well." She nuzzled his face and drew a faint smile from him.

"We're ready," Twilight said, sounding none too enthusiastic.

"Medical magic is never as neat and tidy as a classroom," Nurse Redheart warned. "Hurt ponies are always messy. It's when they walk out ready to return to their life that you judge your actions and success."

Twilight gulped and nodded.

Alarms of mystical portent blazed in the brains of both alicorn-sisters. Even Cadence and Twilight felt the stirrings.

"Guards!" Celestia called in the middle of a day at court, "Assemble plan 'R' immediately." She scribbled a quick note to Twilight and Luna to return with Captain Armor to Canterlot, then she raced to the vault where the Elements awaited.

Nightmare Moon? Celestia thought of the trace she had detected, Impossible, I destroyed the temple and the fool would hardly return to the place of her first imprisonment.

The guard had formed, along with members of the Academy, and they were already at the statuary 'guard'-ens. Discord's statue remained untouched. Even as she deployed the wizards and troops, a young guard raced up to her.

"Majesty, a winged unicorn appeared, freed Tirek and Nistag, and the three left with several other statues!" he shouted as he halted, only then did he salute.

Celestia felt her stomach clench, while she gave no outward sign. I'd almost prefer Discord, those two have no such need to announce themselves at every turn, she thought as Armor, Twilight and Luna appeared. All three sets of eyes locked on the Discord statue.

"Your Majesty?" Armor asked.

"Someone has found the Nightmare, Nightmare Moon lives again," Celestia told them, "But she does not hold my sister in thrall. So her power is much weakened."

Celestia caught Luna's frown. The only real expert on the Nightmare is the one most loathe to talk about it, Celestia thought, Forgive me my sister, but we must know.

"Other than this, how did the spell casting go?" Celestia asked trying to lighten the dark mood.

"Other than the mess, it all went well. He's home recovering," Twilight said, and shuddered. "The actual side-effects of Healing spells aren't accurately described in most text books."

Luna and Celestia shared a nod.

We can kill him? whispered in Tear Twirler's mind. A voice that had once been Nistag, now was part of her.

And his knowledge, Tear Twirler thought as she ran her mental hooves over the huge knowledge of magic and potions that were now hers. And the fool doesn't know it, yet.

No, the voice of their sovereign rang through her head and Tear Twirler stifled a wince. Nightmare was not pleased at having to repeat herself. Luna wants him, so we must take him away from her.

Foolishness, Tirek said inside their shared mind, We had Celestia alone and afraid, we should have struck.

You are the fool, the Nightmare replied, then whispered to Tear Twirler alone,We shall strike unexpectedly, force them to protect too much and too weakly. And most important, we will grow strong. Strong enough that Discord's madness will not overwhelm us. For that, we need chaos of our own.

Tear Twirler was beside herself with rage at the sight of this thing that had dared attack her.

Be at ease my pet, her sovereign cooed, Without him, how would you have gained me? Do you think I had no hand in guiding his steps? Did you alone have the strength to do what you would have had to do?

I had not thought of that, Tear Twirler worshiped as she glanced up at the long horn that grew from her forehead.

Yes my pet, but when we are done, but only when we are done, you two may play together, Nightmare soothed.

The monster stepped out the glass door and approached, apparently unarmed. The compulsion spell they'd laid on the area meant none of Celestia's guards seemed ready to deal with her or it. The only weakness in the spell occurred when he spared a glance back to the two who had tried to guard him. The unicorn and pegasus mares were unconscious. A side-effect of the disunited mind dissipating the force of the attack and their magic.

So brave, I had hoped to drag it kicking and screaming from its bed, the Nightmare thought. Your first lesson in truly creating obedience, she added to Tear Twirler, who gave a little squeak that her goddess was taking such an active part in her education.

Nightmare's got a boyfriend. Nightmare's got a boyfriend, Nistag chanted.

What are you, three? Tirek asked, trying to maintain an illusion of aloofness.

We also need an experienced foalsitter for our childlike friend, the Nightmare added. Both Tear Twirler and Tirek chuckled at that. Like a lamb to the slaughter, Nightmare told Tear Twirler, Let it come to you.

Tear Twirler couldn't quite banish the image of the bright flash, the noise and the mind-splitting pain. She and Nightmare forced their body to remain still, and seemingly nonthreatening.

The creature approached alone, and apparently more curious than fearful or mastered. The Nightmare touched her horn to his head far more gently that she wished. The body crumbled away to nothing. Tear Twirler froze at the sight of the much larger metal weapons it had been carrying to use against them. She willed the body to vanish and retreated within their shared mind.

The monster stood before them in the mental amphitheater. "So, are you the welcome wagon?" the monster asked, unimpressed by all the trappings and staging of the mental amphitheater that would have had a pony trembling with fear.

"We are your new masters!" Tear Twirler shouted, her voice breaking as she did.

"Boo hoo, I shall never see my family and children again," it shouted, "Who do I have to kill to get a seat up there in the bleachers?"

"I," Tirek said as he landed. His armor drank in the light, and his Rainbow of Darkness stood ready.

The monster cocked his head and stared. "You're kidding, right?" the monster asked, "My kid sister made me watch this when I had to babysit her. She drooled through most of it. I already know how you go down like a chump. You might have had a chance in the real world." It gestured around. "But this is a dream, I can do anything I can think of. And I've got a lot more experience with 'darkness' than you do."

Tear Twirler grinned at the lesson the monster was about to learn regarding the nature of this place.

The monster continued, "As for your vulnerability to rainbows."

Tirek screamed as he was surrounded by a rainbow of light. "Make it stop, make it stop!"

Tear Twirler was stunned by the monster's control, as were the others. The rainbow faded. The monster picked the recumbent Tirek off the ground and set him back on his feet. "Look," the monster said, "Let's all be reasonable. I don't want to be here, this mind, this planet, and if I can get home, that's a win for me. What happens here, doesn't matter." He stepped away from Tirek and had the audacity to ignore the others and address the Nightmare directly, "But I've already learned Celestia cares only about 'her ponies' and ferociously so, everything else can go howl. Now, there's a whole other un-i-verse for you to play in. One without Rainbows of Light and Elements of Harmony. Full of people you wouldn't be able to corrupt because they're already past the point you'd put them at, and sheep for you to terrorize who'll expect the corrupt ones to save them. So, let's make a deal. You lay off the 'we are the big bads, fear us' and I'll show you pastures full and ripe for the picking. But I do think we're going to need more help."

"You look at all those who Celestia and Luna imprisoned in stone in the Royal Gardens, save one," the Nightmare said.

"Come on. You were in Luna's head for years," the monster said as Tirek leapt back into his throne in the amphitheater's seats. "They have to have stashed some ponies, demons, dragons or others somewhere else. We get them, and then we will be strong enough to convince Discord we're equal partners."

The Nightmare nodded. "It is acceptable. There is one to start with, but you and Tirek will be hard pressed to deal with him."

Tirek snorted.

"With me backing Tirek here, there's nothing he can't beat, even Celestia," the monster said. He nodded to Tirek. Who begrudgingly, nodded back.

"Talk!" Nistag shrieked, "Talk, talk and more talk!" The pony wizard jumped up and down. "He show nothing, he prove nothing, and he offer candy tomorrow! Let him prove hisself now. He stay his hand when he has Tirek's throat. He is not one of us!"

"Nistag!" the Nightmare shouted, but the pony wizard was beyond calming.

"Highness, he's right," the monster held up a hand and said, "I have not proven myself. He is wrong about why I stayed my hand. For my plan to work, I need all of you and more. But if proof he needs, I will show him, and all of you that I have what it takes. But I use it as a scalpel, not a club. The smile gets you close, and the sharp knife gets you what you want. You need to see how devastating subtlety can be."

"Show us," Tirek said.

"Can you send a letter to Celestia, and make it seem it came from Twilight Sparkle?" the monster asked.

"Easily," the Nightmare said.

The monster gave a feral smile as it materialized a pen, parchment and writing desk. "Time to prove the pen is mightier than the sword."

The letter appeared.

"From Twilight," Celestia said eagerly at the welcome distraction for the panic surrounding her. She opened the letter and found half the page covered in the strange runes the monster used, beside it was clear but stilted and archaic Equestrian.

Dear Princess Celestia,

There are many who have worried what I would do, once I discovered what you and the others did to me on that rainy night. Your sister has been punished for it, and is forgiven. Cadence matters nothing to me. But you, I will endeavor to pierce your heart with a blade so sharp none will see the wound, and were your self-delusions true, you would bleed for an age from it. But do not worry, I suspect my thrust will miss its mark, or be dismissed with the morning coffee. Your callous disregard for my safety and even sanity has been proven many times. I doubt my opinion will carry any more weight than my life. But I owe the few benefactors I have had in this place an end to their worries. So for my part, this will be the end of it.
The stroke:

I have been on your peaceful world for a short while, and have come to an inevitable deduction. I have seen only a handful with the moral courage to ignore 'what would Her Solar Radiance think' and live up to your supposed creed of reaching out to the other instead of wallowing happily in all-encompassing fear and groundless suspicions. Three are decried as too stupid or shallow to know any better. Three were the vaguely unacceptable 'rough men' who guard you all as you sleep. Two of respectable position only put on a seeming out of fear for their station or avarice for what they might gain. Only one was seen to do so out of love, and the whispers around her are filled with ridicule. That is your legacy, your Majesty. That honestly caring about someone 'uncomfortable' must be explained away.

That is hardly your only legacy or your most destructive. When your people grow into adulthood, if they ever do, they will curse this thousand years as time wasted. With your blessings, they had peace, but few achievements. With your tolerance, they had harmony, because they lacked a great vision. And they will rightly lay that on your doorstep with all the maledictions that go with it, and you will deserve each and every one. Because all children want to please their parents, and all loving parents want their children to exceed them. And you did not love them enough to let them risk failing in that pursuit. If I were to die tomorrow, having lived among your people less than a month, I will have done more to inspire your people to walk the demanding and arduous road to the stars than your entire thousand-year reign.

In this I am content. For you cannot comprehend the dreams I have dreamt, the worlds created in my mind. When your people outgrow you, they will. And you will become what you should be: a pablumized tale of virtues for the young, and a cautionary tale for those of maturity.

Fair ye well, and long life,
Cassandra

Celestia bowed her head and began quietly weeping.

From inside the mental construct, the others watched the scene.

"Impossible," the Nightmare whispered.

"Hardly," the monster said dismissively, "Just my skill. She will shake it off and soldier on, but we have a brief window of opportunity. Let us use it."

"Agreed," Tirek said.

"Now Nistag, you create potions," the monster approached the pony-wizard, "I have a very special one in mind."

Celestia felt the presence of Nightmare withdraw, but still she wept.

"Sister?" Luna asked as she entered her sister's 'sitting room'.

Celestia dried her eyes and floated the paper over to Luna. "It seems we were right, about everything."

"So, what next?" Luna asked.

"Send out guards everywhere? Where will they strike next? Sombra, Niklojack, the Three Harpies, too many enemies lost to legend who bother us no more out of fear or the strength of their imprisonment. Nightmare is recruiting an army. One she hopes to be strong enough to add one last force to her side."

"Discord," Luna breathed. "Then that is what we must guard. That one piece they must have to succeed."

"Agreed, but they will seek to divert us, alarums and reports of tragedy. They will spread us thin, so we cannot guard everything." She sighed. "And 'Heartless' Celestia will ignore all the cries of her ponies, to guard the true goal."

"They will forgive."

She indicated the paper. "For some, the forgiveness hurts a great deal," Celestia said.

Day 16

The one-time Unicorn king foamed and screamed and snapped at those around him. Tirek had his form pinned, while the monster conjured chains that held both smoke and matter. Tear Twirler blocked the spells of crystal the madthing cast about.

"He is insane," the Nightmare pronounced, "Of no use to us."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," the monster said as they finished the bindings and he drew Tirek away to see to the demon's many wounds. "You can always fling a mad dog into someone's backyard while you work elsewhere. My letters may disturb Celestia, but Luna is another matter."

"So, we deliver him to Luna, while your missive disrupts Celestia," Tirek said. He laughed and ruffled the monster's hair. "With you, I could have conquered the world."

"With respect, you would have had me killed, for fear I would take your position," the monster replied. "As one of a half-dozen, you tolerate me. I do not want your place. But as liege and servant, you would fear because you wouldn't believe that."

"And what of you, do you fear nothing?" Tirek asked sharply.

"The Princesses think nothing of going into my mind and twisting it their way. It is their right. Alone, stolen from my world, with even my mind open to their violation. What is real, what is an illusion they have placed there? I learned, and placed defenses." The monster faced Tear Twirler. "That is how I block you out. A maze of illusions and mirrors as bewildering as this world is to me. It works. Even if you or she found my innermost heart would you know it to be the true one? And I too have nightmare traps set up. You would not enjoy them. I have already been damaged enough by the 'good' side, there is little you could add that I do not already fear."

"That does not answer my question," Tirek pointed out.

"Do you think I tiptoe around Celestia for my health, you better believe I do it for my health," the monster said pointedly, "She controls the sun, do any of you understand what the really means?"

None of the figures around him even hazarded a guess.

"My people have weapons that can incinerate entire cities with a single blast. That is vaporize the people and the metal, burn the stone and wood to ashes, and winds to flatten anything left. Those weapons basically generate a very small sun, and drop it into the target city. Now Celestia doesn't have to limit herself to making them big enough to bust cities. She can make them as big or as small as she wants. If you think I'm staying where she can blast me with one of those, you are out of your mind."

"She hasn't done that to us," the Nightmare said.

"Because you were in her sister. Tear Twirler and even King Sombra have no worries. Because you are all ponies. I have no such defense. A small one, not even enough to rumble the windows in Ponyville, would kill me. Not instantly, but assuredly. That is why I have been urging caution, and suggesting a new path."

"You are a coward," Tirek said.

"When it comes to no defense against instantly getting my head blown off, I'm downright craven and proud of it. You think it's bad that she hates most of you? She doesn't, she hates what you've done. She wants all of you to be good, little ponies, then she can love you again. Me, I'm a tool she can plug in and make some pony's life better. If breaking part or most of me is needed, eh. That pony needed a tough jigsaw puzzle to put back together. Believe me, apathy and indifference are more dangerous than hatred."

The others exchanged glances as the monster stalked away.

"I think we will need Discord," Tirek said, "To deal with him, not the other way around."

The others agreed.

He'd managed to keep the others from probing his mind too deeply with the intricacies of the plan he'd laid out and had Nistag and Niklojack working on. A few wisps had tried to penetrate further, only to encounter a few tamer horrors of human/Earth history. Natural disasters and their aftereffects satisfied their curiosities, he thought, I'm keeping the purely human disasters in my back pocket. Stupid letting slip that the link goes both ways by mentioning Discord by name. The less they realize that they are transparent the less they'll be ready. Although I wish language was more accessible instead of the 'automatic' translation function of this link. And the history they know seems to be 'there's no beer in the fridge, the surfing was lousy, nobody loves me for the speshul person I am, my life is over, NO I'll take revenge on the world!' Time to meet the quieter neighbors. And find out their story.

When they'd broken open Niklojack's statue, the madmare who would have made Twilight Sparkle look like Oscar Madison to Niklojack's Felix Unger, had immediately set to the logistical task of setting up the plan for the attack. The other eight statues yielded results which disappointed the maniacs. Three had simply faded to nothing. Three of the ghostly figures clustered together and muttered to each other, ignoring everything. The remaining two, ghostly as they were, could interact with the mental world, but refused to throw their lot in with the 'usurper'.

"What do you wish of us?" the powerful, warrior mare stood, guarding the smaller, more bookish mare behind her.

"You names, and perhaps a little intelligent conversation. I've been dealing with angsty teenagers, and would relish speaking with adults. Even if only to hear a better grade of insults," he told them.

The smaller mare chuckled at that. "I am Shamrock Dancer, loyal servant to Princess Luna."

"I am Celestial Dill, chief of her bodyguards," the warrior ghost-mare responded.

"Then you have gathered that she is freed of Nightmare Moon?" he asked and waited for the nods, "And she is restored, again Diarch of Equestria, master of dreams and it seems de facto chief anthropologist."

"She is restored?" the warrior asked, as if fearing a lie.

"The Elements of Harmony wielded by six commoners healed her. She assists Princess Celestia in ruling, although lately, her job seems to be figuring me out. She seems well-adjusted though a bit out of place for the comparative paradise Equestria has become."

"For that news, stranger, we will speak with thee," Celestial Dill said.

"Or use only our most cunning insults," Shamrock Dancer added.

"Then I ask you to tell me what you know of Discord. He is the ultimate goal, and I intend to drag him off planet, or stuff him back in his hole," he said.

"You should see a doctor about that ego. They don't build doors that wide anymore," Shamrock Dasher offered and grinned.

"Oh, I stay outside mostly, give it lots of fresh air and sunshine, make it grow," he replied, "Let's just say that my plans are grandiose, but I don't feel like shouting them on every street corner."

Day 17

He was again tending Tirek's wounds after subduing the last of the 'great enemies' as Nightmare had begun calling them.

"Why do you insist on playing servant, and why do you help me in our battles with these madthings?" Tirek asked.

"You alone seem to have learned my lessons, that a mix of pain and kindness goes so much farther than either alone. Besides, if I'm in here, I don't have to listen to their scheming. Nightmare will tolerate them as long as she needs to get Discord. Once he is mastered, she will begin feeding him the threats to her. To appear harmless, I play servant, as do you playing the good soldier. Discord will be very entertained with what happens. Nightmare will overplay her hand and be smashed. Neither of us will have to do anything other than stay loyal, and switch our loyalty to the winning side."

"You are a coward," Tirek said, "Your secret is safe. I too grow weary of Tear Twirler and her talk of tortures inflicted for little hurts. As if any justification is needed." The demon stared at him. "You disapprove?"

"I prefer to let people be the instrument of their own destruction. To offer salvation and forgiveness at the key moment, and let them sweep it aside, is to truly damn them by their own hand," he replied as he checked his work, "Isn't damnation what you work for?"

"It is."

He nodded and descended into the alchemical pits to check on Nistag's and Niklojack's progress. I can feel his suspicion and betrayal oozing out of his pores, he thought, letting Tear Twirler see the thought, But when I side with Nightmare against him and Tear Twirler, then she will reward me. He felt the thread withdraw, but he kept his face stoic. In truth he was exhausted from showing a different face inside and out to each of these sophomoric schemers.

He was quite surprised to him Nightmare in Nistag's lab.

"This is a nightmare almost as great as I," Nightmare said, keeping her voice down as the mad pony-wizard puttered. "You would do this to your own people?"

"Those who'd volunteer, are not my people and deserve what they get. I find it more satisfying to destroy by giving the weak their heart's desire, and forcing them to accept the consequences," he replied. "If you've checked up on Niklojack, I'd better not. 'Chaos, disruptions, to my beautiful plans!' I somehow think that banishing her to the moon wouldn't have been a punishment."

Nightmare chuckled. "She would not welcome a close association with our new guest." The chuckled stopped. "How do we deal with the Elements of Harmony, oh schemer behind my back?"

"I want to get home," he replied, "That's the depths of my scheming. If the others demand lip service to treachery to stay moving towards that goal, then I ante. As long as you stay on that goal, we are in full accord."

"The question still stands unanswered," Nightmare said, a whisper for her.

"I can give you them, and a show of loyalty at the same time. Are you willing to trust me with a little spell power?"

"I can cast the spell," Nightmare replied.

The pony-wizard watched, silently.

He's probably the instigator, he thought, She would just dig through my mind and look.

"No, if you cast it, then Celestia will see your strike as a threat to her ponies and move. If I cast it, she has hopes she can withdraw or unravel the bumblings of an amateur. A locked door, rather than a burial alive. She will concentrate her forces to guard Discord, and ignore anything she can fix later."

Nightmare nodded.

"Pinkie, what's this 'doozy' you've been feeling?" Twilight asked as all the Element Bearers stood in the monster's yard just outside its house.

"I don't know," Pinkie admitted and adjusted her Element, "I just know it's gonna be a doozy of a doozy."

Twilight shook her head. "There has to be a logical -"

"Sugarcube, last time a hydra wasn't doozy enough," Applejack reminded her. "If the Princesses are worried about all kinds of monsters like Nightmare Moon, and the others, then that's probably it."

"All right, was the monster's arrival a doozy?" Twilight asked.

"Nope, just the twitchy tail for a falling object," Pinkie said, "That's why I knew it wasn't as dangerous as everybody thought it was."

"You never considered we'd be the ones doing the endangering," Rarity commented.

Pinkie turned to confront her, then her expression lost all its heat. "Yeah. I never meant to hurt anyone."

"I never said you did," Rarity soothed, "Just that the first time someone new comes into town, a gentler approach might be warranted. You should find out a little about them, and don't assume one type of 'welcome to Ponyville' party is appropriate."

Pinkie stared at Rarity. "Right," she said dismissively.

Rarity shook her head. Fluttershy gave her a slight smile as she glanced around.

"Who the hay was this 'Cassandra' the Princess mentioned?" Rainbow asked, "Do you suppose that's the monster's real name?"

"No," Twilight said, "Cassandra would be Sand Castle in modern form. She was a prophet when Discord was spreading his power across all of Equestria. She was famous for never having her prophesies believed. Some ponies think Discord himself gave her the power of prophesying, and the curse that no one would believe her."

"Gee, how could that happen," Pinkie said pointedly.

Before Twilight could answer, the doozy appeared. The Element Bearers wordlessly agreed that was a good name for it.

"Fie, they were waiting," Tirek commented.

"So now you prove your loyalty to our cause and no other!" Nistag shrieked, "I demand -!"

A blue glow surrounded the house and in an instant, it was utterly gone. As the Element Bearers stared in stunned amazement, a second glow of green-white enveloped them and turned them all to stone.

"You were saying something?" the monster turned to Nistag.

The pony-wizard stared back in stunned silence. The monster pounced, twisting the unicorn's head up and back, straining its neck to the breaking point. The wizard's back legs folded, but the monster only increased the pressure. His knee pressing hard against the pony's throat threatened to crush his windpipe.

"Your horn glows I twist your head off," the monster threatened. "I have your throat, should I stay my hand? I have had enough of your little tests to distract us all from the fact you haven't delivered a damn thing. Now if you demand another test of my loyalty when you haven't produced, I'll knock all your teeth down your throat and break both your back legs. You can do your job from a wheelchair. And sucking all your meals through a straw for the rest of your life might give your mouth something to do beside whispering poison to everyone in earshot."

The pony-wizard noted that not even Tear Twirler had risen to his defense, and that his vertebrae were making a most alarming noise.

"Enough," Nightmare said quietly for her, magically removing the monster from his grip on Nistag, "Nistag, get back to your lab and deliver on your promises and boasts. Monster, none now doubt you will sacrifice all for the cause."

The pony-wizard coughed unmanageably as the monster glared at him.

Nightmare motioned Tirek to stand by. "Do you have the letter?"

The monster shook himself. "Right here," he said as he held up the parchment, "But we should let the baby dragon's letter precede ours. The effect will be more devastating."

"Delivering Sombra to Luna will also distract them," Tirek said as he directed the monster away from the others. All the others were nervously glancing to one another and considering their 'allies'. Most realized that only Nightmare had allied herself with the two most dangerous of their company.

Celestia reread Spike's brief note. The facts seemed unwilling to lodge in her mind.

'Princess Celestia,

When the Nightmare appeared at the monster's home, they tried to fight it. They and the Elements were turned to stone, and the monster's home was destroyed. There's just a shallow pit there now.'

She shook her head and considered, Where did it all go wrong, or has it? The second letter brought her out of her revery. It was the same two columns, one of alien text, the other of archaic, stilted Equestrian.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I bring you glad tidings of great joy! Something I'm certain will render you stunned and speechless. I have managed to convince these fine people not to take their vengeance on you and your ponies. Isn't that wonderful? In fact, I've convinced them to increase the ranks of your kingdom. They couldn't imagine millions of people, so desperate for a benevolent dictator, or so full of hate for their own gender and species that they'd willingly give it up their lives, their homes and even their whole identities and go to another land. But new beginnings are what Equestria's all about, right?

Nistag has developed a marvelous potion. It will free the humans of all the things about me that terrify you so: bipedalism, aggression, and physiognomy. They will become ponies, body and soul. And not run-of-the-mill ponies, they'll be kinder, gentler and incapable of violence in word or deed of any kind. Perfect ponies for your world, although I'd keep them away from the Everfree. We wouldn't want any of these lovely presents we've given you damaged unnecessarily. I suspect I needn't worry, you do love your ponies so. As their savior, they'll worship the ground you walk on. Willing to sacrifice anything they have to your greater glory. What better gift could we possibly give you?

By the time you've read this far, we'll have gotten the last piece: Discord. With him, we can then destabilize the critical infrastructure on target worlds. With technology failing, and magic reliable, more people will willingly and eagerly become your subjects. Some holdouts will cling desperately to their species-integrity and failing technology. I have to give my new friends some interesting toys to play with. They aren't ponies, so don't worry your head about them. As soon as they are, we shall swiftly deliver them, and they'll be yours to protect and love.

And yes I said 'worlds'. We'll proceed to other planets. Our science has discovered several dozen planets capable of supporting life. A suitably harsh but fruitful world will be the new home of the most deserving and determined hold outs. As for the others, if they already have sentient species on them, we can adjust the potion, and spread your wings of love across planets, then the entire galaxy. With more followers and greater magic, we can jump to the next galaxy and begin again. Worlds without end, venerating the solar goddess in pony form. Forever and ever.

I know you'll love your new subjects and the limitless vistas opened up. It will also have the advantage of giving your more adventurous and scholarly subjects whole new worlds to explore, both in topography, and science, art and literature.

Congratulations, and you're welcome.
Cassandra

"Highness!" Bulwark shouted, sounding like he'd been doing it for some time.

"Yes," Celestia replied as she tore her attention away from the very concept of what she had been reading.

"They've stolen Discord's statue. They didn't free him, but they have his statue," he said, "Are you all right?"

"I think I've received a rather serious rebuke," she said as she focused. "Where is Luna?"

"Someone delivered King Sombra into her chambers." The guard struggled to deliver the next message. "I think she was rather pleased to deal with him on her own. I don't think the screams disturbed too many outside the castle."

"Destroyed," Celestia said, "Tell Luna they will perform the ritual to free Discord at the monster's home, it is not Equestrian soil, and she should be ready to confront them there."

"Majesty?" he asked, then focused, "I can have the entire plan 'R' force in hand and ready to travel in a few minutes."

"That will be fine. Assemble them there," Celestia said pensively. She looked at the letter, reread it, and cried.

The lines drawn into the dirt brought from an alien world were sufficient to contain the power wielded, though nothing remaining on Equestria could still contain what the statue released.

"Tada!" the draconequus announced as fireworks filled the air. "Oh dear," he said of the stone statues and the manticore-sized, royal-purple alicorn facing him. "Someone is certainly compensating for something."

"Discord, we have a deal for you," the alicorn said in oddly stilted tones.

"Wouldn't it be easier to come in there and talk face to face? It sounds like the committee is having trouble speaking with one voice, and I do so hate 'consensus'."

"If you wouldn't mind," came a subtly different voice.

"I'm sure I can squeeze inside." He jumped into the creature's eye, and the beast expanded to the size of a large shed. The unicorn horn moved to the creature's nose and Discord's horns adorned the area over its eyes. The tail became a scorpion's with a stinger.

"I think we need a softer and fluffier image," came a voice and the tail grew long fur, concealing the stinger within.

Discord looked around the amphitheater and the collection seated in the bleachers surrounding him. He snapped a finger and a throne appeared. He stuck a book under one leg and as he sat down, the book expanded until it was tall enough so he could look down on the collected ponies and a few other creatures.

"So, what fun are we to have here today?" Discord asked, tapping his finger tips against each other.

"A very simple plan." The monster said as he appeared to the Chaos spirit. "We leave Equestria, on this other world are hundreds of thousands if not millions who'd throw away their freedom and even their will to a benevolent dictator."

"They'd want to serve under Missy Grimplot?" Discord asked incredulously as he craned his neck all the way down to face the strange creature.

"I never said they were particularly bright," the monster responded, "But that's not the fun."

"Didn't sound like fun," Discord said.

"The first fun is knowing how Celestia will react to these new ponies who are so good, they can't be unkind, they can't use violence, even to protect themselves, and they will worship her ceaselessly."

Discord laughed. "She'll hate the last part!" Then he sobered. "What's the second part?"

"You sabotage the basic infrastructure. Make their machines go haywire. While the magic we use remains stable. More will flock to us to be converted to ponies simply to avoid the fate of others, and some will flock to be converted to ponies so they can preserve their people. We can spread rumors that magic comes from the worship of Celestia, and that will start religious riots, endless debates about 'giving up ones species to preserve their species' and so on. Not to mention the effect of having critical items many people depend on just randomly malfunction."

Discord giggled at this. "Surely Celestia would step in to stop this."

"Not with an influx of loyal, worshipful, perfect ponies coming out of it," the monster said. "While all the native Equestrians will have to deal with an influx of these new ponies, all willing to work and help in any way, all just amazed at living in peace and harmony, and all without the usual vices of the regular ponies. Ponies being ponies plenty of them will bully and take advantage of the newcomers when it's learned they can't really hit back in word or deed. So either Celestia steps in, or she lets a victimized underclass get abused on her watch. The amount of bullying that takes place will guarantee there will be problems."

Discord was holding his sides laughing at the vision of two worlds in chaos from giving people what they thought they wanted. "But you have to leave some of these other people alone."

"Of course, we let them develop space travel, and once the first world is either in total chaos or overrun by perfect ponies, we go to the next world. And the next, and so on. This new place has billions of stars and possibly millions of planets. The potential for chaos is literally astronomical."

"I love the way you think," Discord said and patted his head.

"Thank you."

"Not that twaddle you spewed out to these morons," Discord said and gestured at those in the bleachers, "Celestia might relish more ponies, but Luna would chase you down and kill you for besmirching her sister's good name even second hand."

The assembled scoundrels began shifting in their seats. Looking at one another.

"What I love is how you lured all these reprobates here, and concealed the Elements right next door," Discord said, with tears running up his forehead to hit the ceiling, "Then trapped us all in here."

"WHAT?!" Nightmare thundered.

Twilight watched the ersatz triceratops wipe its tail over her and the other Bearers. The spell that held them as statues vanished. The creature seemed to be having something of a seizure. Dancing around as if dozens wrestled for control of it.

"All that power and all the problems it could solve," the weird creature shouted, "Why don't you help someone with it? No, you want darkness, you want evil, you want people cowering before you. FINE! You want darkness, you want evil and suffering? HERE! You're gonna wear that filth! Eat that horror! Sleep in that misery! Drown yourselves in that despair! And you'll never escape so you'll die in it! You like that you puerile fakers? That's death, that's misery, that's atrocity! Kill dozens, how about millions!"

The creature began 'dancing' randomly, as if trying to run away from itself.

"NO!"

"Stop, stop, stop!"

"Eternal night, how about burning whole cities to the ground?"

"This isn't happening!"

"Mommy!"

"Delightful."

"Experiments, here's some experiments!"

"AUUGH!"

"Make it stop! Make it stop!"

"Forgive me please!"

"And here what the planet does! So much for pure and loving Nature!"

"But, the Mother Goddess loves us."

"Why are they doing that?"

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE for the love of God open fire!"

The six mares summoned their power and fired into the twitching creature. The rainbow surrounded the creatures. The screams from the unknown were replaced by cries as the Elements worked their magic against the creatures that composed the monstrosity. Dozens of statues rolled out of the mix. The most disturbing was Discord himself. He was hunched over, hands on his knees, and laughing uproariously.

"Why do I think he went along with this, merely to change his pose?" Luna asked as she, Celestia and dozens of guards and wizards arrived at the battle site.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight ran over to greet her mentor.

Luna looked at two wisps she'd mistaken for smoke that wrapped themselves around her head. Her combative expression went slack as she heard the whispers from the smoke before it disappeared. "Fair well, my old friends," she bowed her head and whispered.

"Big guy!" Spike shouted as the smoke cleared somewhat.

The two princesses' advance was blocked by the guards as Mile Stone and two troopers moved forward to investigate the battle site. The smoke continued to dissipate, revealing the monster's fallen form. Covered in small burns, cuts and scratches, and the foreleg-long unicorn horn jutting out of its head drew the gasps of the others. The Princesses and the Element Bearers pushed forward.

He seemed to focus on Celestia. "You are fortunate that you are not truly a god," it said in clear Equestrian. From the horn came faint pleas for understanding and mercy, and promises of power and loyalty.

The Princess' stoic expression could have been graven in stone like the Elements' multiple targets.

"Not an inch, not even now," he said, then smiled, "Well played, well played." He turned to Luna. "I hope my tenure has not been too taxing for all of you. This one needs the final lesson." He gestured to the horn that still made pleas and promises.

He grabbed the horn with both hands.

"No wait!" Twilight shouted, but was restrained by Celestia and her brother.

"I. Die." The last word was gibberish as the horn came free, leaving only a bloody spot on his forehead. The sizzling as the hot horn burned his hands ended when he broke the horn in half. The inhuman scream as the purple stream from the horn halves raced straight up and out of sight. Luna glared at the stream as it didn't arc back to the ground.

When no one seemed to do it, Glory ordered, "Get him to the hospital." She looked around mulishly at the other officers who still seemed to be coming up to speed.

Derpy looked around the room. "Trixie, where are we?" she asked. "There doesn't seem to be much outside. But it is pretty, like a geode."

"I think we should stay inside," Trixie said as she lifted herself off the monster's bedroom floor. "I would like to know what hit us."

"I just don't want to get hit again," Derpy said, "And to get back to my daughter."

Author's Note

Please note, I haven't hit the 'completed' button.

6) Chaos-Ra Sera

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Chaos-Ra Sera

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 17

Rainbow looked at the collection of statues, the site of the missing house, and the collection of ponies she'd come to respect. "Twilight, your Highnesses, I'd like to know one thing," she said as she hovered above statue after statue.

"Certainly, Rainbow Dash," Celestial said.

"WHAT THE HAY IS GOING ON HERE!?" the anguished pegasus cried, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Rainbow," Twilight chided.

"Twilight, let her go," Celestia said, "Go ahead."

The distraught pegasus looked around. "Okay, a creature we've never seen before just happens to land when the Diamond Dogs are getting ready to lure us out with two fillies. This monster-killer just happens to have hands so it sets up traps to catch Pinkie."

"They weren't games?" Pinkie asked, "But they were fun!" She bounced up and down.

"Then everybody has weird dreams, and only Princess Luna can fix them. Then on the very night of the big party to show all the big-wings that the monster is tame, he gets foalnaped right out from under all three alicorns and all the security. What kind of coincidence is it that it shows us a cinema about a dragon leveling a major city, that a dragon's two students show up to foalnap him? Only Trixie isn't foalnaping him for the dragon, she's foalnaping him so she can get free of the dragon. But there's really an evil unicorn. So while he's healing from the booby-trap; because he screamed, we get more weird dreams, with the princess helping us out, but it might be him too."

"Then, right after Twilight heads away to make sure some new monster doesn't rescue Discord, he gets foalnaped again, while the security forces are all watching, by a fourth alicorn! Who completely disappears. We get the Elements to fight this new monster, who just happens to show up right where Pinkie's Pinkie-Sense says it would. But instead of fighting, it blows up the monster's house and turns us to stone. Except we aren't stone, we're just statues. So that when it does show up with Discord, it merges with him, and frees us. So we can blast all of them. Including the monster!" Dash seemed to run out of breath at that point.

"You aren't confused, you have events well described," Celestia said.

"I don't even know what the hay I'm talking about!" Dash shouted back. "And why did Discord of all ponies tell Twilight to shoot!? Does that mean he can still affect things even when he is stone? Do the Elements really work on him anymore?!"

"And why in tarnation does he look so happy about it?" Applejack added of the heartily laughing Discord statue.

"What you have missed, Rainbow Dash," Luna began as she gathered the frenzied pegasus into her wings and mane, "Is ancient history. Nightmare Moon was a composite of myself, and something else. We thought it destroyed or banished by your use of the Elements of Harmony. We were wrong, and it waited, until it could find a follower, and a host."

"Him?" Twilight asked. "That makes no sense, his whole purpose is to fight monsters."

"Ah, we don't actually know that," Fluttershy offered. "Rarity guessed that, and we all agreed, but that doesn't make it true."

"Sugarcube," Applejack offered, "He took on and beat, all the really big monsters in Equestria."

"I never said he wasn't good at it," Fluttershy offered, "I said that isn't all he was for. And technically, we beat them. He only helped."

"Okay, so this Nightmare sent its followers to collect him, so he could be her host?" Rainbow offered as Luna released her to hover over to her friends, "That still doesn't make any sense."

"The Nightmare was never the wisest creature in Equestria," Luna said, and gave a look to Celestia.

The other Royal sister just pursed her lips.

"So this Nightmare was sending all those bad dreams, as a cover for sending it bad dreams?" Twilight said, "Makes sense. Of course it helped that we thought it was the cause of all the nightmares."

" 'Cept it didn't work," Applejack pointed out. "It was seriously angry, but not scared."

"Well, Trixie reported it did have occasional nightmares," Fluttershy said.

"If this parasite trying to get her claws in it didn't cause all those nightmares," Rarity wondered aloud, "What or who did? I mean what could scare it enough?"

Both Luna and Celestia had coughing fits at that point.

"Hello!" Discord shouted at the prone figure at his feet, and the incredibly boring cluster of copses of trees surrounding him. "Oh no you can't die," he said in a damsel's tones.

"You'd think someone able to arrange a massacre like that wouldn't just curl up and die simply for pulling off a false unicorn horn." Discord looked around. "Okay, show of hands, who says I just let him die?"

Discord cringed. "You aren't too popular with your fans. Okay, show of hands, who wants me to 'help' him survive, and teach him the ways of chaos? That technically is a hand, but I don't find you that interesting." Discord rubbed his hands together. "All righty then, I think ole' Grimplot has a vacation coming on. Considering the only truthful thing about dear Celly he told that peanut gallery he had Twilight Snorfle and the five Moronsketeers zap was about her blowing him up with a mini-sun. She's got to be given the chance to save him. I get to be the 'good guy' and she can get the lesser of two evils. Isn't that a great, fun idea?" he asked. His ears drooped and his eyes narrowed. "I can break that and then you'd learn that you aren't nearly as funny or clever as you think. Oh, if you were wondering why I gave away his little plot, not that plot you weirdos, I just had to have the fun all to myself. After all, they thought they were strong enough to hold me and make me a 'team player'. BLEAGH! I couldn't let his plot unravel, and could I let this upstart claim he put one over on moi? Wouldn't be fun, and wouldn't be sporting. So hey ho! Here we go! All the monsters are lawn ornaments. Except one itsy-bitsy piece of Discord that I stored someplace safe." Discord frowned. "In his head, stupid. If he'd ever seen the show, he would have never let me pat his head like I did."

"Too bad with the link lost, he won't know Equestrian any more, and all the magic he was stealing from Nightmare, all used up. Of course Tear Twirler won't really need her magic, and I just happened to snatch it from her in passing when she was getting sucked up by the Elements of Boringness. As well as Nistag's potion knowledge, and, well you get the idea. I certainly need them more than they do, and it's amazing that simply being able to make things happen doesn't give knowledge of how they have to be done by you pathetic weaklings. And I seem to understand his language, so I can provide a translation." He stared. "What's that? 'Mess up the translations to make it funny.' Oh, I never would have thought of that myself. And the message was written in crayon, how appropriate. Enjoy living in your parent's basement?"

He sighed. "Well, I need to contact ole' Grimplot, and have the other two rubes show off the other little present I left him. You don't think they'll actually go through the door with all the scary warnings do you?" He looked around. "Fine, I'll add a 'please' that oughta stop most everypony."

Twilight was absolutely furious as she read the letters, copies, even Celestia wouldn't trust Twilight's self-control with the originals. "That, that, that!" she exclaimed as she stomped around the slight depression where the monster's house had been.

"Genius?" Celestia asked, before Twilight could ignite. "Imagine getting Nightmare's help to compose a message, and its perfect translation into Equestrian. Quite a help for the later translation work."

Twilight stared at her mentor. "You intend to keep these?" she asked as she shook the letters.

"Of course," Celestia said and smiled. "The first is a good warning that I have been letting my feelings for my ponies hinder their development. And the second is a hilarious concept. Imagine, a potion that turned the monster's people into mind-numbed ponies, and that anyone would think this was a good thing."

"I think the idea would have scared Nightmare," Luna admitted.

"But administered only to those who want it, by the all-loving Celestia?" the Solar Diarch asked innocently, then noticed Twilight grinding her teeth. "As long as it was just an idea to scare the others, it was a good idea."

"How can he think you'd ever accept that?" Twilight growled.

"Darling," Rarity interjected, "He didn't. He just wanted some idea so horrifying that the others would follow along. After all, no 'artiste' wants to admit there is another more talented than she, and Discord wanted others to believe he was an artist. Nightmare and the others were no doubt the same."

"That is really horrifying, Rarity," Rainbow said

"That's rather the point, Rainbow," Rarity replied.

"Has anyone found Trixie or Derpy?" Fluttershy asked, "They were in the house when it went away."

They all stopped. "You don't suppose, he actually killed them, do you?" Rarity asked.

"Oh, yes, we're dead," Trixie said and helped Derpy out of the hole the mage had climbed out of. Her horn glowed and the door set into the ground closed. "That was quite strange."

"You closed the door?" Twilight asked as she rushed over.

"Yes, we opened and closed it several times from the other side, and even waited. It always arrived back here," Trixie explained, "The other side, I don't know where it is."

"So we thought it was better to come back to this side," Derpy added, bowed to their Highnesses, "Excuse me, I want to see Dinky, and him."

"I think that mare has the right idea," Applejack said, "This is makin' my head swim. Let's jist dig up the monster's front door and stand it up somewhere safe."

"Magic doesn't work that way," Twilight explained.

Applejack stood by the door and looked straight back at the Discord statue, it was pointing right at her. "Sugarcube, I think Discord had a bigger hand in this than we thought."

"He couldn't have affected anything, while encased in stone," Luna assured her.

"We could ask him ourselves," Cadence said as she approached with Shining Armor and Glory. She wobbled a little and the two unicorns steadied her. "Yes, Discord, I can hear you. No, I am not calling my aunts that."

Discord watched a smoky ball showing all the others clustering around Cadence. "Oh very funny, they'll be wondering for years what I said. Very good. But I am here, inside his head."

"There's a piece of Discord inside the monster," Cadence told them.

"Why can't you people use his name, if 'monster' is all you're going to call someone, why couldn't it have been me?" Discord complained.

"Jealous?" Cadence asked.

"You will vacate him immediately," Celestia commanded.

"Or what? You'll kill him, to get me? He's already dying because of her Solar Majesty," Discord replied nonchalantly.

"What?" Cadence asked, then turned to Celestia.

"Yes, a week, two at the outside," Discord said, "And I had hoped for longer."

"Discord said he'll be dead in a week or two." Cadence looked around. "And he said Auntie Celestia has something to do with it."

"Celestia?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, Twilight Spackle, always ready to put her mentor on a pedestal," Discord said, "I didn't say she was killing him, at least not directly. Ask Luna what her advisors told her about solar bombs."

"Auntie Luna, what did your advisors say about solar bombs?" Cadence asked, and the Luna Diarch paled.

Luna glanced guiltily at Celestia. "Celestial Dill and Shamrock Dancer survived well enough to interact with the mental world. They explained that he thinks if he steps too far out of place, you'll put a piece of the sun in him. BOOM."

"He WHAT?!" Celestia asked, "How could he possibly think that?"

Luna stared at her, sending the message 'because you could, if you'd ever seriously considered doing it.'

"Discord, why would he think I would do that to him?" Celestia demanded, "I apologize Cadence."

"You get really scary like that," Cadence said, and waited.

"Because he hurt your ponies, even second hand," Discord said, "His letter spelled it out very clearly."

"He hurt ponies, and the letter explains it," Cadence told them, "Auntie Celestia, are you all right?"

"He just arranged the defeat of most of the villain of Equestrian history and prehistory," Rarity asked, "Why would he think Celestia would want vengeance on him?"

"Because he hurt ponies," Rainbow said, "He turned us to stone for one thing."

"I kind of liked being stone," Fluttershy said, "Now that I know I got out of it. It was peaceful."

"Rainbow didn't like the idea of Tank being faster'n her," Applejack joked.

"Ah, good friends enjoying a friendly spot of chaos and argument," Discord said, "Anyway, he's got no reason to return there, so he's quietly slipping out the back door."

"He has no reason to come back, Discord said," Cadence added, "So he's slipping away."

Celestia rolled her eyes. "What would convince him to come back?"

"Well, Celly could play Red Shetland, and lose the fight," Discord suggested.

"Who's Red Shetland?" Cadence asked. When Celestia turned as pink as she was, Cadence decided not to pursue the question. "I think you'd better come up with another way."

"If needs done, showing him that he has an ally and defender, Trixie stands ready," the performer said quietly. "I am also his friend."

"Why do I think this is a game of yours, Discord?" Celestia said, trying to tone down the sharpness in her voice.

"Because it is, but I learned something," Discord said.

"It is, but he learned something," Cadence told them, and rolled her eyes.

"It's called a positive sum game," Discord said excitedly, "It's a game everybody wins!"

"He says this is a game everybody can win," Cadence said.

"It's just you win more," Twilight accused, "Sorry Cadence."

"It's all right Twilight," Cadence replied.

"Of course I'll try to win more, but think, the more you give up, the more you win," Discord said happily, "Is it any wonder I want to keep this guy around, he has such wonderful ideas!"

"I think Discord's in love," Cadence said and giggled.

"Iz, keml regurtsz femherk!" Discord stammered, "I am not!"

"He says 'I am not!'" Cadence said.

"Oh, he found a friend," Fluttershy said as she approached, she smiled happily. "It's so nice when someone lonely finds a friend. And if he can speak his language, they'll be able to be such good friends."

Discord watched Cadence grinning, as if she could feel him vibrating with revulsion. "This is about me spreading Chaos! Not Friendship you ninnies!"

Cadence repeated the phrase, with all the gestures she could almost feel. The others giggled.

"Sounds like a filly with her first crush," Applejack agreed, "All blushes and stammers."

"Oh, don't tease poor Discord," Fluttershy scolded, "He's feeling frightened and embarrassed. His first friend is in danger, and he just doesn't know how to ask for help."

"Then why don't he?" Applejack replied, then looked at the guardedly neutral expressions on everyone around her. "What?"

"No comment," Discord said. Cadence repeated it, and then there was a chorus. Applejack grumbled about that.

"I am willing to risk it," Luna said, "As much as I distrust Discord, I think he's correct that we do owe a favor to the two who helped set this up." Luna looked at Celestia.

"Very well," she sighed, "I don't think we'll be in too much danger. Very well, Discord, what do you have in mind?"

Discord explained. Everypony besides Cadence and Celestia fainted.

"That's what I thought he'd have in mind," Celestia sighed.

"It is, innovative and direct."

"It is." Celestia carefully collected all the fallen ponies. Cadence walked up and leaned against her, both for support, and to offer it.

"Going into his mind is something you've done before," Cadence said, "All three of us have touched it."

"But not as monster-mares," Celestia said. "Is Discord still listening?"

"I think he's too busy laughing himself sick," Cadence said, "His voice cut off in mid-chuckle. I think he really can't reach out here for very long. He seemed in an awful hurry to get his message out."

"Yes, he normally boasts a lot more," Celestia agreed, "He may be limited severely, or his power builds only slowly."

"Or he needs our monster healthy, to channel more of his power," Cadence said.

Celestia glanced back at the statuary garden that had sprung up from the Elements of Harmony. "I think he knows better."

"Dig it up?" Glory asked as she stared at the door that had once been the front door of the monster's house. "How deep do we go?"

"Until you get to the other side," Shining Armor told her, "The door can't be that deep. Then we get a frame to stand it upright, and only then do we explore."

"So why are we in full blast armor, and why are you enclosing it in your force field?" Glory asked.

"Lieutenant, just dig," the Captain said.

Glory manipulated the garden trowel and gently, carefully, fearfully dug at the edge of the door. Moving down one inch. Two inches. Three. Then four. "I think that's the bottom," she told Armor.

"Don't get cocky, remember who we're dealing with."

Even as he spoke, the door jumped up. Just enough to clear the hole and turn slightly sideways to rest on the ground. The echos of filly-like shrieks died away only mockingly slowly. Armor looked at Glory, who looked back. They disentangled themselves from each other.

"Trick of the door that made those noises," the Captain said to the Lieutenant.

"Oh, absolutely, sir," Glory said and saluted. "Can I keep the shovel? I have something I'd like to bury."

"Remember, he's encased in stone, not turned to stone," Armor said.

"Oh, I meant bury," Glory said.

Celestia left Luna to her concentration on preparing the monster and the hospital room. Cadence remained behind to deal with any intruders. She was pleased to see Rarity was up and around, and not giggling about Discord's suggested course of action. If the hospital staff, Ponyville or the rest of Equestria found out about it, she'd be facing years of giggles from the lowest pony to the highest. I may just let it out, she thought, After we get him back. If they are going to put me on a pedestal, they should still be able to laugh around me. Better I spill the beans.

"Your Majesty, may we speak, privately?" the fashionista glanced at the two bodyguards, "Very privately?"

Celestia nodded to the two guards, and the two mares walked into a small storeroom filled with racks of clean linens. The guards took up positions outside to ensure their privacy.

Rarity composed herself. "Your Majesty, please understand this is question I don't need an answer for, but I think you do need to understand it better."

"Ask," Celestia said with a smile.

"Why do you keep picking fights with him?" Rarity asked, as if charging her with heresy. "You are too mature, I mean astute, to be in the grade-school mode of buck the colt you like in the flank to get him to notice you."

"Go on," Celestia told her, and watched her struggle to get the next out.

"Majesty, I sell clothes, fancy frippery. While I'll deny it with my dying breath, no one actually needs what I sell. It makes them feel better. It makes them feel pretty and special, but other than a good set of boots, a rain coat and cold-weather gear, no pony needs fashion. I have to understand what is troubling them, and give them the fashion that makes up for the loss. I am completely satisfied daily going without, because creating is my joy. Wearing is as much advertisement as pleasure and custom. So I can guess remarkably well what a customer wants and needs by just observing."

Rarity continued respectfully, "Trixie keeps going on about trust, I can explain why it struck her so hard. He came in, asking for a formal suit. He specified the color, the austere style, and without any words or further interferences or input, trusted that I would perform miracles, which I did I'm not ashamed to say. That feeling of being absolutely trusted, warmed my heart. You seem to be undermining that between the two of you at every step. Even your puckish sense of humor doesn't explain things. I can't imagine why he'd think one hoof out of step would have you boiling him alive in his own juice, unless he had a good reason."

"What if he does?" Celestia asked quietly.

"Then with all due respect Majesty." Rarity took a deep breath, and said, "Let him die. Let him die a hero who collected all the enemies of Equestria for the last thousand years, and helped banish them. I cannot see why you would be afraid of him."

"Change to 'last three thousand years' and repeat your question," Celestia said.

"The creature 'who collected all the enemies of Equestria for the last three thousand years, and helped banish them' why are you afraid of him?" Rarity said.

"Is that not worthy of fear?" Celestia said, "He fit in with them, gave them a plan that horrified even them while it intrigued them more. He recruited Discord in a matter of moments. You are responsible for yourself and your friends. I am responsible for all of Equestria. Shouldn't I be concerned about such a creature?"

"No," Rarity said, and took advantage of Celestia's stunned expression to continue, "I think Fluttershy may be right. We assumed from what we saw that it was for fighting monsters. Maybe because the only problems it ran into were fighting monsters. Except teaching a foal arithmetic, taking out a stump, putting up a gutter, translating an alien language, and finding the fancy dress to a high-class party." Rarity smirked. "And out-pranking the planet's most experienced prankster. I think its job back home was solving problems. A difficult project would have such people, who had to know machines and people, and how to get them to work. Especially to work together. You no doubt have ponies like that in your employ. His job, and his life may have been all about solving problems. I don't think he'd include 'hurting the people he cares about' in solving problems. He'd only become a problem, if there were no problems to solve, and there are always problems to solve, either in Ponyville or across Equestria."

"What if he decides that I'm the problem?" Celestia asked.

"He'd send a strongly worded letter, which still has you rattled," Rarity replied. "You wouldn't react that way to it, if you weren't afraid it was true. But it does answer your question. He'd call you out on it, and tell you exactly how to fix it. You don't have to ask, your Majesty, he did it, twice. I rather think that's the real reason he sent those letters." She paused and gathered herself. "So when he's still tried to be a friend or at least a loyal subject, why are you getting ready to fight another bout?"

Celestia had no answer.

Twilight walked through the hospital corridor. "Nurse Redheart, any news on our patient?" she asked.

"The patient seems," the nurse stopped as she remembered who she was talking to, "His white cell count and blood pressure are down below what they were when he was brought in. The white cell count is worrying, because we assumed his standard level was what it was when he came in. The blood pressure, considering he was in shock, is also a bad thing. Whether one or both are going into the 'very bad' territory is anypony's guess."

Twilight looked down the corridor at Trixie who was pacing angrily outside the observation room. "Thank you, I think we will be able to help."

The nurse nodded and continued her rounds. Twilight approached the prickly unicorn.

"If you are going to lecture Trixie, Trixie has nothing she wishes to hear," the azure unicorn said.

"I was going to say I'm sorry that your friend is hurt," Twilight offered, "And that he's in the best hooves in Equestria."

"And obviously mine are not," Trixie said, "Thank you." Then she stopped. "Trixie, I apologize, that was uncalled for."

"I can understand you are worried," Twilight offered.

"Unless that was both your brother and Celestia in there, and you unable to help them, I don't think you can understand," Trixie said quietly, "If Celestia sets an impossible task for you, you can at least assume her test is offered out of love. For me, it is a way to earn my supper. I doubt you thought one moment about me once I'd left. You had your friends, possibly a special somepony. I was alone. From all my research on you, you never cared about silly things like friends. I was denied them. There is a great difference between not eating because you aren't hungry, and starving because there is no food to be had."

"And suddenly, someone gave you a banquet," Twilight said.

"I wasn't simply a trick pony. Someone needed me. Someone who trusted me, who rescued me from a stupid, possibly fatal, mistake now needed me." Trixie smiled. "It was more than a banquet. It was warmth and softness, and feeling fed full for the first time in so long. And everything any pony said about how dangerous he was, only strengthened how special I was to him. I wasn't afraid. He trusted me, and I trusted him."

"I didn't realize," Twilight admitted.

"Because you still see mainly the books he brought. Not that there is a person involved with those books. Because the person frightens you," Trixie said, "I was made his servant, until he is well. And I do not deny that I will be fed, housed, clothed, and may even have the wagon I lost here replaced. But none of those things competes with the simple warmth of a touch, of a smile when I come into view, or the feeling of his nightmares and bad dreams departing at the sound of my voice, or with my touch."

"I can imagine," Twilight said, "But that's all I can do. I never had that. Ponies relied on me, but never like that."

"You should think about your mentor," Trixie said, "I think she is as lonely as I am. You note how eagerly she joined in your slumber party."

Twilight blushed and tried several times to counter Trixie's statement. Finally, she just shook her head.

The doors opened and Luna stepped out. "We are ready." Celestia came down the corridor with Rarity. Rarity waved and departed. Her Majesty seemed lost in thought.

Twilight gulped and nodded, then admired Trixie's poise as she walked in, seemingly without a care. She's going to rescue her friend. How would I feel on such a trip to save Applejack, or Shining Armor, or Cadence? Probably just that way, Twilight thought as she followed. Inside the room, to keep her mind off the eye-watering sigils on the walls, Twilight stared at her mentor, Luna and Trixie. The trio took their places in a set of carefully drawn mystical circles. Cadence stood guard to prevent anyone from disturbing the ritual that would let Luna carry Celestia and Trixie into the comatose creature's mind.

"Last chance to withdraw," Celestia offered.

"Trixie is quite tired of being compared to your apprentice and being found wanting. Trixie shall go, stay behind if you wish, your Majesty, but Trixie shall go on," she said politely.

Twilight noted the smirk from Luna and the raised eyebrow of her sister. Trixie matched the alicorn stare for stare.

"You two can have a staring contest later," Cadence said, "There's a rescue to be done, and I think some kinder words that need to be said."

Twilight watched her mentor 'break off ' the stare and give Twilight a wink that Trixie couldn't see. She stifled her laugh, and watched Luna begin her spell. Her jaw dropped as Luna broke at least six rules of basic spell casting with her opening incantation, and another seven before she was done.

"Ah good, you're awake," he heard as he opened his eyes. He didn't see anyone, unless the trees and the clouds were talking.

"Oh joy, my recursive psychotic episode has a narrator. I was wondering when I'd go crazier," he said as he looked around. The colors were Earth normal. Except the sky. The single shade of brilliant blue went from horizon to horizon. Yet the trees, and grass and the clouds were all normal. "Okay, I'm out, or I'm deeper in."

"Oh, a guessing game," he heard, and looked a full 360, seeing no one and nothing that could obviously speak. "I guess, deeper in, what do I win?"

He vaguely recognized the voice. "Look, maybe I'd better tell you. I never thought you were that funny in Next Gen. Menacing, dangerous, yes, but not funny. The only time you were funny in that role is the CD where you got absolutely pawned by Spock. That was hilarious. You were also pretty funny as that medic in the Six Million Dollar Man. I also liked you as the Central European inventor who was helping MacGyver become Jack O'Neil, that was hysterical."

"And people call me random," the voice said, "Ah, one of you out there want to throw ole' Discord a bone? What is he talking about?" There was a pregnant silence. "You'd think somepony out there would know. Look, we're stuck with each other, I put myself in your head because I was bored."

"Boy are you in for a disappointment," he replied, "Actuaries think I'm boring. My whole career was boring. Of course when you're working with red, fuming nitric acid and various hydrazines, with a few, hundred-million dollars riding on it, boring is good."

"Ah, not a clue," the voice said, "Anyway, that fun little trick you dropped on all those losers, comedy gold!"

"Thank you, and I appreciate your assistance, after you blew the lid off it," he said and looked himself over, "I guess clothing was optional on this trip."

"What is this fascination you have with clothing anyway?" the voice asked, "You're the only member of your species on Equestria. It's not like one of the locals will fall desperately in love with you. Most of them would only be vaguely interested. Oh, there's a birch tree over there, you should be able to strip the bark off in - hey, I was kidding!"

"I wasn't," he replied as he started walking. "If you were trying to depress me, you succeeded. So, how come you understand my language?"

"I read it out of your evil, little mind," the voice said happily, "I just realized, I can translate for you!"

"Terrific, I land in Gotham City and the Joker is my translator." He pulled a large section of the bark off and considered how to make a breechclout. "Will the blessing never cease?"

"Who's 'the Joker'?" the voice asked.

"Let's see, a trepaning spoon shouldn't be that hard to find," he said.

Celestia looked down at herself and sighed. I knew I was facing Discord's rules, and I should have expected his, she thought as she gave herself a good once-over. Okay, if I assume the hero monster-mares in Rarity's book are considered generally to highly attractive, and many of the villainous monster-mares are attractive, then the bumps, curves and symmetry I have make me a fairly attractive monster-mare. The mane, wings, tail and horn probably are enough to make me exotic, rather than hideous. Terrifying, I seem to have achieved without regards to my appearance, she thought sadly, then grimly added, Knowing Discord, I'm probably as comely to monsters as most ponies consider my natural form. She frowned at the next thought, So, since I read all of Trixie's reports on monster customs, taboos and reactions, do I charge down to confront our monster, traumatize and antagonize him, in hope that Discord dies laughing? No, I think approaching him, let alone confronting him wearing only boots, vambraces and my tiara is a bad idea. Even if I went the 'Red Shetland' route. 'No stallion shall have me unless they can defeat me in battle.' And I'd only consider that if I was sure his breed followed the bonobos and not the chimpanzees.

She drew her wings in tight, craned her neck, and saw that her 'mane' lapped over her tail. At least he left me that, she thought, I guess I've always been a little vain about those. Then she smiled. Okay, that's the answer, to both problems.

She cut away a large part of her tail, so it stood at knee-length rather than brushing the ground. From the hair she let her magic weave a tight, short-sleeves shirt and short pants like the monster often wore under its outer clothing. All right, that works, it even feels kind of nice. She smiled and set off in pursuit of her 'prey'.

"Look, I just want to learn about chaos, you seem to be so innovative in its application. I would have never thought to 'beep' Missy Grimplot at a high diplomatic function. I can feel the ripples of that, and do you have any idea how good that feels? Ponies, eagerly spreading chaos!" the voice explained, "I just had to see who was doing it, and how."

The voice paused. "What, no response? I pour out my heart to you, and you can't even cheer?"

He looked around the forest, searching for food, shelter, and a source of clean water. The buzzing in his head was only vaguely annoying.

"Look, I want to be your apprentice, your helper, your wingman, and learn all I can about what you know about chaos."

A running sapper outranks a field marshal, he thought, since ignoring the noise hadn't worked yet.

"That's a good one, what's a sapper, and what's a field marshal?"

So much for that, he thought, then dove into a gully.

"What, did you see something?" the voice asked worriedly.

Right there, he thought, And can you keep it down? She nearly heard us.

"Only you can hear me, until my strength returns, and that may take a while," the voice explained, "Oh, she's just delivering your clothes. I knew you'd want some, so I arranged a delivery. Better than what you tore off the tree."

He felt an eyebrow twitch and could only hope it was an impending stroke.

"Ah, why are you hiding?" the voice asked.

It may not be on all fours, but a winged unicorn with that color scheme has not exactly been friendly, he replied.

"You actually think she'd stick a sun in your guts to watch you boil up and pop?" the voice asked incredulously, "She isn't that vicious, believe me, I know."

He answered the voice with silence as he watched the creature running for a short sprint, then resting and looking around. Great, I tried to run a distance and nearly collapsed, even if I run, it'll easily chase me down. I don't stand a chance.

"Look, far be it from me to sing the praises of the Grand Imperial Harumph, but she isn't like that. Believe me, I know."

You might just be unkillable. None of the rest of those monsters were adults, they were kiddie terrors. How do you think I played them so well? I can be the real thing. She knows that, and I've got the hoofprints in my brain to prove she's been stomping around in there. An 'accident' while I'm in here, and suddenly her problem is solved.

"Look, while I am deeply jealous of the amount of screaming paranoia she's managed to instill in you in such a short time. Even I have to admit, it's uncalled for. She isn't going to kill you, and she isn't going to hurt you."

Experience points to the contrary, he replied.

"Why are all the interesting ones completely crazy?"

Luna looked herself over and only managed to avoid screaming 'Discord!' at the top of her lungs. Trixie seemed less put out being a monster mare with a mane, tail, and horn than she was. The rest of the dream/mindscape was lightly forested, colored like the monster's yard, and very pleasant. Trixie did spot the one thing Luna had wrongly dismissed.

"We're naked," the show mare exclaimed.

"That's a problem?" Luna asked as she checked to see her tail and wings still worked. "I prefer it to all the ridiculous clothes the stuck up snobs of Canterlot prefer.

"Did you read my reports, or just forward them to your sister?" the unicorn exclaimed, blushed and turned away.

"I get enough paper across my desk every day to choke a dragon," Luna explained crossly, "Why don't you tell me what's so important, and why are you changing color?"

"Mutual nakedness is the next to last step in their mating dance. We show up like this, and he's going to assume only one thing," Trixie explained miserably, "Like taking the last step."

"It is easily remedied," Luna assured her. "Why are you changing color, are you blushing?" she repeated.

"You, you are naked, and so am I," Trixie stammered, "And you are, quite lovely."

"How would you know?" Luna asked, then proclaimed, "And we are not in a mating dance!"

"I don't know how I know, I just know," Trixie exclaimed.

"I thought you were interested in stallions," Luna said carefully as she stepped away from the show mare as she was also noticing geometries and structures on her fellow Equestrian that drew her eye unbidden.

"Trixie can appreciate beauty, especially uncanny beauty," Trixie said, her back still turned and her coloring still darkening from a light azure to a deep indigo.

Luna considered the back, and the blush were quite lovely. Then she focused on the matter at hand. "Very well. We shall be properly clothed," Luna said, gestured with her horn, then looked around. "This may be more difficult than I thought."

Fluttershy had gotten worried about Rainbow Dash's sudden departure from the hospital and headed to Rainbow's cloud home. She discovered that Derpy had been heading that way as well, so she silently followed. Until Derpy ignored the door and flew straight in an open window.

"Derpy! No!" Fluttershy called, looked around guiltily, and followed her in.

Derpy was standing in front of Rainbow Dash. The normally dynamic pegasus was lying on her floor, her forelegs extended in front of her, and Tank resting on her hooves. Her fur was matted where she'd been crying. The cyan pegasus and her pet tortoise were exchanging worried looks.

"Rainbow Dash, are you okay?" Derpy asked before Fluttershy could.

"We're sorry we didn't use the door," Fluttershy offered.

"I knew you wouldn't open it," Derpy said.

"It's okay guys," Rainbow said quietly.

"When you left, I got worried," Fluttershy said as she slowly approached.

"I'm okay Fluttershy, just confused," Rainbow said, still staring at Tank. "I mean, did Nightmare bring the monster here?"

"Yeah, to distract us from what it was doing," Derpy said cheerfully, "You see that's its sinister plan. It failed with her Highness, so it sought out a brave, fearless stallion without magic to bond with him. And only the love of a single-mother pegasus for her coltfriend can redeem him from the lure of absolute power. Sarah Selene wrote it all out a few months ago, The Nightmare's Return! I've got all her books! Well, both of them. I wish I could meet her someday. I know it's just a nom de plume, I mean who names their filly 'Sarah'?"

Sarah Selene? Fluttershy thought, then giggled.

"What's so funny?" Dashie asked, finally showing some spirit.

"Well, I think someone else is feeling more put out than you are," Fluttershy managed between delicate giggles.

Rainbow Dash checked Tank's propellor then set the tortoise in the air. "So you're telling me that all this happened in a book, and you think it's all fine because you're a character in a book?"

"Oh course not," Derpy countered, "I'm not dumb. It just that Princess Luna must have read the book, and when she sticks to the plot in the book, everything works out."

Rainbow facehooved. Obviously frustration trumped depression. "Look, what I really want to know is who are all those guys? Discord and Nightmare I got, but all the others? Why were they teaming up with Nightmare, and why would Discord side with us against them? He's got to have a scheme, and we've got to be ready, or someponies are going to get hurt."

"They were in the statue gardens. When Dinky went with Miss Cheerilee's class, she got a brochure on all the names. I'm sure Twilight can look them up for you."

"Okay, how many more monsters like this are out there?" Rainbow asked.

Derpy smiled and shrugged. "But you and our monster will deal with them."

Rainbow sighed and shook her head, then started at the still giggling Fluttershy. "Do I even want to know?" she asked her.

"Thank you again, they're beautiful," Trixie told Luna as she examined the leotard and skirt combo Luna had made for both of them from shortening up their manes and tails.

Luna sighed as they walked along. "You gave up lots of your mane and tail to get them," Luna said as she looked over her own outfit, and looked away from the blushing unicorn. Then she realized Trixie was looking at something else, and she nearly blushed herself. "Is that Celestia?" Luna breathed.

"She's so . . . " Trixie said.

"She certainly is," Luna agreed as she moved up beside Trixie, and noted how nice she smelled. "I am going to KILL Discord for doing this."

"The monster's people must go in for more visual cues than ponies," Trixie explained distractedly, just watching Celestia walk, perfect in grace and form. "Like a sunrise after a long storm," Trixie offered.

"Like forgiveness after loneliness and nightmares," Luna agreed dreamily. "Uh, do we stay up here and watch, or go down and, ah, Trixie? Trixie? Equestria calling Trixie!" She waved a hand in front of the unicorn and got no response. "Oh wonderful."

Shining Armor's sapper team carefully slid the frame over the door to hold it upright. Where to secure the frame to the ground was the next question. Leaving it in the middle of the now disconnected grounds was not recommended, at least in the short run. "It has to be somewhere where people won't knock it over," Shining Armor said. He'd already fended off his sister's 'puppy dog eyes' and her suggestion to place it inside the library. Inside or outside Sugarcube Corners was also nixed for similar reasons, and rejected under similar duress.

"I'm almost tempted to take it out to the old castle of the Pony Sisters and bolt it to a wall out there," Armor admitted to the team. "But then the creatures of the Everfree might wander in uninvited."

"I'm more worried about the back," Glory said as she circled the door. The back of the door was there, sort of, but it wasn't a door. It wasn't a flat surface, just a clearly defined boundary layer that couldn't be penetrated, and didn't react to anything. "I had them swat the back with a sledge. Nothing transmitted through to the front, but taps on the side did."

"If Discord had a hand in creating this, I think we should leave the 'hows and whys' to their Highnesses. Our job, once it is secure, is to discover where on Equestria the house actually is," Armor said, "Then the fun really begins."

"I can't wait," Glory said, "Derpy said it looked like the inside of a geode. There's only one place I know of that description fits. If it is where I think it is, we may have to keep where the house resides a serious secret."

"My lips are sealed," Armor said.

Celestia had approached slowly, letting the monster watch her. I felt Discord the instant I scanned for him, a little triangulation and I had him. I just wish I knew why they haven't moved. Is it a trap? Without any tools, could they build a trap? she wondered, and entered the gully they were hiding in some distance away from their actual location, and picked her way along. Okay, now they run, but not very fast, lure me into an ambush? she thought and smiled, Not likely. She jumped up and ran along the raised ground beside the gully, overtaking the cantering monster, and calling down into the gully to him.

His eyes went wide as he scrabbled to a stop before colliding with the wall at a sharp dog leg. He looked up at her, his expression a mixture of fear and determination. She began noticing things. Things that hadn't draw her attention before. His little pout. All his nervous uncertainty.

She shook off the list of traits and returned to the original plan. She collected the long trail of her mane and sliced it off. The remains fell just to mid back. She felt his eyes on her, a curiosity with near physical force. She steeled herself against the Fluttershy-level preciousness and completed the garments woven from her own hair. She tossed them down to him: a short shirt and shorts. He turned his back on her to change into the shorts. She silently slipped into the gully. She found his movements and skin held an odd fascination, especially the slight clumsiness and uncertainty of his movements. She approached as he pulled the shirt over his head. She was just out of arms reach and grinning when he turned back to face her. His shocked look was the most delicious vision yet.

DISCORD! he shouted within his own head as he backed away from Celestia's human form, her very human and very goofy grin, and whatever she was saying to him. Discord! he mentally shouted again. Only a sound like cabinets opening and closing answered his summons.

"You wouldn't want to tell me where the brain bleach is, would you?" came the voice, in a slightly pleading tone.

Brain bleach, what's going on, what's she saying? he demanded, I'd take even a warped translation right now. He was carefully stepping away from her, and she was carefully keeping the distance constant, just out of arms reach for both of them.

"I'm not listening to her," Discord replied in a sing-song tone. "Where is the brain bleach?"

Brain bleach doesn't really exist. Is she dangerous, can you answer that? he mentally shouted. He'd been backing up from the seemingly inebriated creature, who'd kept just out of arm's length. Pausing in her pursuit when he dashed and ran out of breath, but never close enough to grab or touch him.

There was a sound like someone dumping over a barrel full of pots and pans, and glasses. It ended with the yowl of a cat.

"Ah, a flamethrower! Perfect!" the voice shouted happily. A loud whoosh later, he explained, "No, she's perfectly safe. You could probably bite her on the, er, nose, and she'd think it was delightful. But I must admit, I made a teensy mistake. You'll laugh I'm sure."

Spill it, he thought. He realized he was at the end of the gully, but the steep sides prevented an easy climb out. Celestia was still keeping a minimum distance, and seemed completely content to watch him struggle to climb the crumbling walls. When he slipped suddenly, a strong hand planted on his butt and pushed him up and over, accompanied by a fangirlish squeal from Celestia. She jumped up easily, and kept her distance.

"Well, you see, you two were so highly strung, I thought it would be fun to say, direct all that energy to a more amusing goal. After all, I could control the way you all appeared here. So is she beautiful?"

An absolute knockout, give her a dark wig and she could star as the next Wonder Woman, but she's also seven-foot-nine, not counting the horn!

"She assumes she'll tower over others, I can't change things held that strongly. But I could change little things. I wanted to ensure you both found each other utterly fascinating."

You put a love spell on her? he thought.

"Don't be gauche! Aside from not working, it would ruin the mood when she broke it. No, I knew you'd find her wonderful and once you weren't afraid of her killing you, you could let her natural warmth get to that rocky stone you call a heart."

What. Did. You. Do? he repeated as he moved back and the transformed creature smilingly kept pace.

"I made certain parts of you, more attention worthy. Not warped or enhanced them, just little tweaks that catch the eye. I knew what caught Celestia's eye and it was easy. But I left out the passage of time, and your human psychology. Silly mistake really. It's a simple explanation."

Ex - plain, he said as clearly as he could. He'd backed against a tree to catch his breath. She put one hand on either side of his head and leaned close. He could look at her grinning face, or her generous cleavage. He ducked under her arms and ran as fast as his winded condition allowed. Her bell-like laughter was a lash to keep moving despite the stitch in his side and the stiffness of his legs.

"What she used to find very virile and arousing, ah, she now thinks is cute. Ponies aren't into cute like you humans, so I over did it. Thus, you're very cute, adorably cute, cloyingly cute -"

I get the message, he thought as he'd stopped trying to retreat, and Celestia just stared at him from out of reach. He sagged to the ground and tried to catch his breath. So, you tried to turn me into a stud muffin, and I wound up a tribble, he thought calmly, That's what you're saying?

"If I understand the words, basically yes. You're in no danger. She's hardly the type to step on an endearing puppy, even if it nips at her."

Thank you, he thought as he watched her sit down and watch him with mesmerized expectancy, See, all you had to do was explain it.

"You aren't mad?" the voice asked hopefully.

I just needed to understand the problem, he thought calmly, Then I can put myself in the proper state of mind to deal with it.

"Oh good, I'm glad you aren't angry," Discord said.

Anger and vengeance serve no purpose. Now I have to prepare for a moment, he thought as a feeling of culmination filled him, The right frame of mind. I'm ready.

La la la-la la la, sing a happy song.

La la la-la la la, Smurf it all day long.

"AUUUGH!" Discord screamed.

Celestia nearly laughed with joy. Patience, she thought as he moved slowly closer to her, she tried hard not to fidget or betray any signs of her anxiousness. She couldn't keep from grinning however. She tried to tone it down, but then he'd do something so adorable and she just wanted to throw royal decorum to the wind. You two have to make peace, she reminded herself sharply, reduced her grin to something less idiotic and let him move closer again. Inch by nervous inch.

Sitting down, scooting across the ground, he looks so little, and so cute, she thought. Patience, let him come to you, she reminded herself. He'd been in range of a wing-grab since she'd entered the gully, at the tree she'd wanted to pinch his cheeks so bad she could have tasted it, now he was easily in arms' reach. Still she didn't give into her impulse to just reach over and grab him. Tempting as it is. I wonder, is it my 'monster-mare' perceptions that are letting me see him this way. Or that I'm bigger than he is and he's dropped the pretensions to power. She briefly considered making herself seem smaller by lying flat on the ground. No, don't move, he's all right. This isn't an animal, it's a person. She remained sitting cross-legged, and forced her wings to stay at rest instead of shifting with her hidden laughter and delight.

He finally stopped, barely a quarter foreleg's length away. He stared at her. As if ready to accept whatever dire fate she had in store. She reached out to him, and he froze and briefly closed his eyes. Helpless, but determined to meet his fate bravely, she thought as her hands closed on his arms. His expression showed he assumed she'd tear him limb from limb. Instead, she collected him and put him in her lap. She let her wings and arms encircle him, then she leaned down. I feel a little like a clam, she thought, missing being allowed to cuddle and protect somepony, like this. When Twilight got 'too grown up' for this, I don't think she realized how much that hurt. Nor did I, she thought as he slowly unclenched.

"You big silly," she said fondly.

Trixie watched from their little hill top, her elbows on her knees. Tears of joy trailed down her face. "It's so wonderful," she said quietly.

Luna felt like beating her head on a rock, but she'd been unable to find one bigger than a pebble. "It's not supposed to work that way. This has to be Discord's work."

"If they get to be friends, finally," Trixie asked, "What does it matter?"

Luna briefly considered a more attractive head-to-rock option. Instead, she sighed. "It's got to be a trick some way."

Discord lay on the floor, bleary-eyed, with little nervous twitches. "La la la-la la la, Now you know the tune. La la la-la la la, You'll be Smurfing soon! Ha, ha ha," he said quietly.

Trixie looked at the two of them, sitting companionably side-by-side. Her Majesty's slightly proprietary look didn't detract from Trixie's own joy. Luna, marching along behind looked ready to chew glass.

"Are you all right, my sister?" Celestia asked.

"Am I all right?" Luna asked tiredly, "I was just wondering if my sister had gone mad. Or if I had. I've never seen you act that way. Towards anyone."

Celestia smiled as she smoothly stood up. "I can remedy that."

Trixie took the opportunity to sit beside him. He smiled at her, then pointed from her mane to her clothing.

"Yes, we cut them off for cloth," she replied, "They'll grow back."

He seemed tired, but kept glancing at the two sisters. Luna was backing away, and now Celestia started chasing her. Soon both were at a dead run, then they took to the air. The two of them dodging and weaving over the sky. Then came the cries, screams and screeches. Trixie stood, ready to intervene, when he pulled her back down and made a dismissive sound and gesture.

"They sound like they're killing each other," Trixie said, then realized how long the sound had been going on, and she leaned against him to wait.

After nearly half-an-hour, the elder sister, victorious, triumphant, and afflicted with giggles carefully carried her limp and gasping younger sister back down. Trixie and the monster held Luna's head as the trio lowered her to the ground.

"I am not defeated," Luna insisted in a blurred mumble. "Just, catching my breath."

Trixie caught the monster's eye movement towards Celestia, and the smile. Her Majesty was too tired to catch it. Trixie shook her head slightly, and received an evil glare. Only when he started walking to the still-winded alicorn did Trixie scramble to keep up.

"Princess Celestia, I think that's seriously lese majeste," Trixie said carefully.

"Oh, and who will know?" Celestia asked, then remembered the two biggest imps, not her, in Equestria were sharing a brain. She never made it off the ground.

Twilight had watched her mentor rouse herself. Celestia looked happier and more carefree than she'd seen her before. And not the 'oh nothing is bothering me' mask she always wears, Twilight thought.

Twilight and Cadence listened with delight about some very foalish activity between the two sisters. Chases, and tickle fights, and slumber parties and just hugging each other. Twilight sighed. Cadence sighed. Rarity sighed. Applejack sighed. Pinkie Pie sniffled happily.

"How long have you been standing there?!" Twilight shouted.

"Easy, Sugarcube." Applejack made placating gestures. "Y'all are gonna throw a shoe."

"About the point where he started a splash fight between their Highnesses, and then got out of the way," Rarity said. "I'd say you two had a lovely time. Although the idea of Discord being the genesis of such a lovely outing seems oddly out of place."

"It seems he is 'studying' chaos under the tutelage of our friend here," Celestia explained, "Controlled chaos. When our friend here started 'beeping' ponies, and they took the joke to every corner of Equestria, poor Discord was shaken to his roots. It seems that when he felt ponies actually embracing chaos, he had to adapt, or die. Literally."

"Couldn't happen to a nicer fella," Applejack said. "Ah still don't trust him after all he did 'round here."

"I agree," Celestia said, "But I think he's up against someone a good deal more random, and a good deal more organized."

"Twilight?" Pinkie asked, then giggled.

"I am not random!" Twilight said.

"She wouldn't have teased you about it, if she thought you were," Rarity said, "But you can get so organized and meticulous, you sort of break through the wall and wind up on the other side."

"That's always fun," Pinkie said, "Except when there are lobsters. Ooo! Lobsters! Do you think he likes lobsters," Pinkie briefly paused, "Somepony cover Fluttershy's ears."

"Animals eat each other," Fluttershy said quietly, "Just because I don't like it, doesn't mean I don't know about it, and why. He eats meat, dogs and cats would get sick if they didn't."

"Okay, then he might like eating them?" Pinkie said with some trepidation.

"Perhaps," Celestia said.

Luna roused herself, and stretched like a cat. If she'd had claws, she would have extended them. Trixie seemed to be awakening with the same predatory characteristics.

"Trixie would enjoy doing that again," the performer said happily. "Especially the nights."

"Yes, I too enjoyed our night time activities," Luna agreed as she stretched out her wings and gave a sensual growl.

"Night. Time. Activities?" Twilight asked, her eyes wide and ears laid flat against her skull.

"Sometimes we did it several times," Luna said.

"Three, four times a night," Celestia said.

"More like six or eight, if you count everypony's," Trixie suggested. "If I was with him, you were with Luna doing the same. Or I with you and Luna with him."

Celestia nodded. "That night we were all together, how many times did we do it?"

"Twelve," Luna said.

"Twelve!" Twilight squeaked and looked worriedly at the unconscious monster.

"Twilight, only a few times that night were we all together. Mostly we paired off and compared afterwards."

"Compared?" Twilight asked in strangled tones.

"Maybe we could ask Twilight to participate," Trixie suggested, "No, she would have to unlearn all that those books say."

"Yes, but all her friends, add Shining Armor, Big MacIntosh," Celestia mused as she considered.

Twilight looked on the verge of apoplexy.

"And then the Cutie Mark Crusaders, with Derpy and Dinky as well, maybe Cheerilee and the entire class," Luna said, "It would be educational."

"NOW HOLD IT!" flaming Twilight insisted as she hovered over the floor, "My friends are adults, but children should not be included in such, such, games, even if it is educational!"

"Darling," Rarity said and frowned at her Majesty, "This is Princess Celestia after all."

"Your mentor, and the prankster," Celestia said, "I would apologize, but assuming we would start acting like bunnies or minks in heat after just knowing each other a few days is rather insulting, to us all. We were referring to star gazing and coming up with new constellations. With a different star-field every night, we did it every night."

"Oh," the non-flaming Twilight settled to the floor. "I thought you meant . . . "

"We did that too," Trixie said, "But mostly during the day."

Twilight caught on this time. "What exactly?"

"Snuggled together as we slept," Trixie said, "We adopted a nocturnal existence when the regular, full moon provided sufficient light to see by, and for some reason the bad dreams were less intense under the sunlit sky."

"I apologize," Twilight said, "I thought . . . "

"They sure made it sound like they did," Applejack offered, "Had me fooled."

"I never said we didn't do that," Luna said, "But I will neither confirm, nor deny which, what and who."

"Oh, no," Rarity said as she shook her head, "We aren't falling for that, you could be talking about a fish fry, or mutual massages, or giving each other rides on your backs, or thumb wrestling for all we know. With respect your Majesty, your Highness." Rarity bowed to each and waited for Celestia's nod. "But what you went to deal with, did that occur? Or should I start on funeral bunting for the entire town?"

"No, he and I have not quite eliminated our differences, but I don't think he'll expect me to blast him into sizzling bits any time soon. And just to tell you the truth, Discord attempted to alter each of us to ensure exactly the results Twilight suspected. He was too much of a gentlecolt to take advantage, despite ample opportunities. And with me, Discord made him too cute rather than conventionally handsome."

"I think you enjoyed cuddling him at every opportunity," Luna accused, "But knowing he was safe from your wrath was no doubt healing."

"I apologize your Highnesses," Twilight said, "With what Discord did to all of us, I mistakenly thought anything and everything he touched would be tainted and degraded." She turned to Trixie. "And I apologize to you as well."

"There is no need," Trixie replied a hint sharply, "What we did or did not is immaterial. It was a dream, and all in this room have had those kinds of dreams. To answer your prurient curiosity, if the matter was ever raised, Trixie would have assured correct understanding, and said 'yes'. We trust one another, and understand one another better than their Highnesses. There would be no question of issue, only that vulnerability emotional or physical would not be taken advantage of. In fact, would be guarded. Cuteness, handsomeness would play less a part than we were for once the same species with the same needs and desires."

"Okay," Rainbow landed between the two unicorns and pushed them apart, "That's enough of 'let's wind up Twilight' for one day. I think you're all talk, and that slap and tickle is as far as you went. You keep going on and on about trust, well trust also means letting the guy say 'thanks, but no', and respecting his decision and not turning away from him for that. And if Discord suddenly gave me a pack of gorgeous stallions and a place on the Wonderbolts with them, all I'd be is suspicious."

"Believe what you wish," Trixie said.

"Yeah, I will, thanks," Rainbow said as she led Twilight away.

"I didn't think you'd get into a situation like that," Twilight whispered.

"Yeah, first, adult, mare-stallion thing, he said wait, so I dumped him," Rainbow whispered back, "Stupid."

"Sorry," Twilight said.

Rainbow shrugged. "Besides, you can ask your brother and that sergeant what they'd do in the same situation. I bet it'd do the same thing they would."

8) Discordalude (Feel free to skip this one)

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Discordalude

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 19

Discord looked around at the dead flat, completely barren landscape. Only a sign broke the monotony.

The sign said, "I'm sorry you're bored, but a little, light entertainment. Dramamine will be available." The sign read 'Eat at Hop Sing's Mexican Borscht Buffet. at exit e^i except faster than c'.

Discord was puzzling this out when a spotlight illuminated a very strange, green creature walking towards him with a cinema camera over one shoulder and a large folding chair over the other. The felt-covered, green frog with the spiky collar set down the chair and camera. The camera he fussed over seemed pretty standard, the chair he ignored looked like the most convoluted piece of furniture Discord had ever laid eyes on. "I love it."

Discord found much to his delight that the 'chair-in-name-only' fit him perfectly. "So whatcha doin'?" Discord asked.

"Roll'em!" the frog shouted.

Rarity got a spotlight. She was wearing a guard captain's armor. Another spotlight illuminated Shining Armor, also in armor, but his mane and tail styled to curl like Rarity's. The two of them walked towards each other, looking more like brother and sister than Twilight and Armor ever did.

Rarity began a rather catchy tap dance front hooves accompanying the rear hooves' tap.

In time with the tap, Shining Armor began to sing, "I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral."

Armor started tap dancing, while Rarity sang, "I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical."

They both sang, "From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical."

Rarity tap danced while Armor sang, "I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news."

Rarity sang while Armor tap danced the accompaniment, "With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse." She gave a bawdy wink.

Discord's jaw dropped. He picked it up and examined it. The drop had been silent. Then he noticed the sign the frog running the camera held up. 'Any noise and we have to do it again in ADR.' Discord looked at the two dancing unicorns.

Armor sang while Rarity tapped, "For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury."

Rarity sang while Armor tapped, "Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century."

Armor sang, "But still, in matters vegetable."

Rarity sang, "Animal."

Armor sang, "And mineral."

They sang and tap danced together, "I am the very model of a modern Major-General."

"Oh wonderful bravo! Bravo!" Discord shouted and clapped as the lights came down.

When the lights came back up a moment later, Discord took his chair. On a theater stage, Celestia, with Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash flanking her, confronted Luna with Trixie, Derpy Hooves, and Dinky Hooves flanking her. In the background was a backdrop painted with bushes and a tower that looked like the Cutie Mark Crusaders had done it, after forgetting what bushes and buildings looked like.

Trixie and Twilight took a step forward. Trixie sang, "I'm superior, you're inferior. I'm the big attraction you're the small. I'm the major one you're the minor one. I can beat you singing that's not all. Anything you can do, I can do better . . . I can do anything better than you."

Twilight's horn glowed. "No, you can't."

The newt with the wizards hat sang, "Yes, I can."

Twilight's horn glowed. "No, you can't."

The rocking chair with the magician's cape sang, "Yes, I can."

Twilight's horn glowed. "No, you can't."

Trixie sang, "Yes, I can, yes, I can."

Twilight sang, "Anything you can be I can be greater . . . Sooner or later I'm greater than you."

Trixie conjured an image of her banishing an Ursa. "No, you're not."

Twilight generated an moving image with sound of her confronting Nightmare Moon, "Yes, I am."

Trixie was surrounded by cheering audiences from across Equestria. "No, you're not."

Twilight stood under a 'Twilight Sparkle Fan Club' banner, with Celestia and Luna, "Yes, I am."

Trixie brandished a 'Great and Powerful Trixie Limited Edition number 1 of 500' figure. "No, you're not."

Twilight pulled the same figure, numbered 0 of 500. "Yes, I am, yes I am."

Trixie sang, "I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge."

Twilight countered, "I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow."

Trixie sang, "I can live on bread and cheese."

Twilight was amazed as she sang, "And only on that?"

Trixie replied proudly, "Yes."

Twilight sang, "So can a rat."

While Trixie grimaced, Twilight sang, "Anything you can dig, I can dig deeper. I can dig anything deeper than you."

Trixie challenged, "Thirty feet."

Twilight replied from the bottom of her hole, "Forty feet."

Trixie shouted down to Twilight, "Fifty feet."

Twilight replied, "Sixty feet."

Trixie's horn glowed and dumped all the dirt back in the hole. "Yes, she can! Yes, she can!"

Trixie sang, "I could be a racer, quite a steeplechaser."

A filthy and furious Twilight appeared next to her and sang, "I can jump a hurdle even in my girdle."

Trixie boasted, "I can open any safe."

Twilight asked, "Without being caught?"

Trixie preened and sang, "Yes."

Twilight nodded. "That's what I thought."

Trixie frowned, but sang, "Anything you can wear I can wear better . . In what you wear I'd look better than you."

A cloud of Rarity engulfed Twilight for an instant. "In my coat."

A cloud of Rarity engulfed Trixie for an instant. "In your vest."

Rarity whirled around Twilight's hooves. "In my shoes."

Rarity completely pimped out Trixie's hat, "In your hat."

Rarity put both Trixie and Twilight in elegant gala dresses. Twilight sang, "No, you can't."

Trixie and Twilight raced over and caught the tottering, eyes-spinning Rarity. "Yes, I can, yes, I can," Rarity sang before collapsing.

As Armor retrieved Rarity, Trixie sang, "Any school where you went I could be master . . . I could be master much faster than you."

Twilight asked, "Can you spell?"

Trixie admitted, "No I can't."

Twilight asked, "Can you add?"

Trixie admitted, "No I can't."

Twilight asked, "Can you teach?"

Trixie proclaimed, "Yes, I can! Yes, I can!"

Discord quietly picked up the pieces that had been falling off during the performance. He realized he'd gotten the assembly wrong, and decided to leave it as the next act came on.

Rainbow Dash stepped out, as did Derpy. They two of them circled each other. One would jump at the other, and the target would take a defensive stance. Then they started circling again.

Rainbow Dash stopped and took a deep breath. Priming herself. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course. That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Derpy Hooves."

Rainbow continued while Derpy danced in time with the song, "Go right to the source and ask the horse. She'll give you the answer that you'll endorse. She's always on a steady course. Talk to Derpy Hooves."

"Ponies yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day, but Derpy Hooves will never speak unless she has something to say," Rainbow continued, "A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and this one'll talk 'til her voice is hoarse. You never heard of a talking horse? Well listen to this." Rainbow gestured to Derpy.

She bowed and with her front hooves began to tap danced faster and faster, while her back hooves tapped out a flamenco-rhythm speeding up as her front hooves did. Faster, faster, until the taps became almost a continuous sound.

She finished, took a bow and blew the smoke off her forehooves. She and Rainbow returned back to their lines.

Luna gave a nod to Dinky Hooves. Celestia nodded to Pinkie Pie. Pinkie took a deep breath, covered her mouth and nose with her hoof and blew out, changing her into a large pink balloon. Her tail was split into three, and a familiar droning sound started. Dinky Hooves did the same, except her horn glowed and the droning was higher pitched.

A phone appeared beside the frog-cameraman and rang. "Yes," the frog said as he answered the phone, then shouted, "Cancel the Dueling Banjos on pony-bagpipes number, they filed an injunction against it."

"WHAT!?" Dinky and Pinkie put all their breath into that very bagpipe-like shout.

"Aw man!" Rainbow announced and walked off stage. Celestia and Luna grumped and walked out together a wing draped across each other's backs.

Trixie approached Twilight. "I want this fixed!" she angrily shouted and looked at her hat.

"Slitherin!" Trixie's hat shouted. Twilight gave an embarrassed smile.

Derpy and Pinkie Pie were pushing a upright grand piano onto the stage. Pinkie was in a swallow-tail tuxedo. Pink of course. Derpy adjusted the piano stool for Pinkie. Then pulled it away as the mare was about to sit on it. Pinkie straightened up in time. Derpy seemed to finish her adjustments, slid it back under Pinkie. As Pinkie was about to sit down, Derpy snatched it away and adjusted it again. Pinkie stared at her with growing impatience. Derpy set it back in place.

"Done?" Pinkie asked.

"Done!" Derpy tried to give a thumbs up. Then stared at her hoof as she realized she lacked thumbs.

Pinkie back kicked the stool clear off the stage. Pinkie listened to the crash it made, then hit a key. "Perfect!" She announced. Derpy collected Dinky and left Pinkie alone in the spotlight.

"Attack of the killer pianos! Attack of the killer pianos!" Pinkie sang as she played, "They'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you, chew you up for brunch and finish you off for dinner or lunch!"

The key cover slammed down trapping Pinkie's hooves on the keyboard. The front of the piano opened and bent down to swallow the trapped mare whole. The spotlight faded as the very discordant chewing sounds continued. It was dark when the sound of a chainsaw firing up was heard.

"What in the name of Celestia's Intangible Moustache was that!?" Discord shouted to the frog who was handing him a disk he'd taken out of the camera. There were dozens more such discs in the cartridge where the film would normally go.

"He couldn't keep you company himself," the felt frog replied, "So I said I'd put on a little show for you." The frog shrugged as he collected the film cartridge. "It actually went better than these things usually go." The frog started walking away. "It's time to play the music," the frog sang, "It's time to light the lights." He faded from sight and sound.

The sign reappeared. This time it didn't say anything, it simply read, 'And I did that in my sleep.'

"I'm going to kill him with my bare hands," Discord said. He sat in his new chair, looked at the disk and hugged it to his chest. "Or have his children."

With sincerest apologies to:
Gilbert and Sullivan, and their estates
Jim Henson and his estate
Irving Berlin and his estate
Jay Livingston
John De Bello

Author's Note

Against Gilbert and Sullivan, or Jim Henson, Discord is a piker. NO, I won't explain this one.

9) Anniversaries

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Anniversaries

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 19

"You see Miss Twilight, there's just one little problem that makes this all less than perfect," Holly Hock explained as she led Twilight through the doors of the restaurant the Canterlot team had just purchased.

"Oh, I'm always willing to help," Twilight told her happily, "But who were those workponies?"

"They were from the fireworks company. There was a lot of nitre they needed and we had a large supply. We just need some help cleaning up the rest," Holly Hock said as she opened the door to the kitchen.

Twilight's ears went flat as she saw the absolute and utter mess on the floors, the counters, on any line or plane with even a slight horizontal projection. Even the broom leaning against the far wall still had a crusting of bird droppings. "What am I supposed to do about this?" Twilight said in strangled tones, "I'd need a fire hose and a dozen tiny ponies with shovels and scrub brushes."

"You can conjure that?" Holly Hock asked, then shook her head, "Well of course you can. Silly question."

Twilight turned to stare at her. "This is disgusting!"

"It was worse before the crews came in a scraped down everything," Holly Hock said, "So what's it need fire, water, or something else?"

"How about we just bury this?" Twilight said as she looked around the mess.

"The floors are stone, and there are drains?" Spike asked as he trotted in. He whispered to Twilight, "You always wanted an excuse to try out that tornado spell."

Twilight steadied herself. "Yes, and a thunderstorm to start things off," Twilight said as she took a deep breath. "Thanks Spike. You two better get out of here. The last time I tried this spell, it sort of got away from me."

"In here it wouldn't matter," Holly Hock said and left the kitchen for the converted living quarters. "I need to go catch some ingredients."

Twilight grimaced at that. "I wish you wouldn't. Fluttershy is friends with most of the animals around here. While she accepts that animals eat each other. I don't think she'll be too happy with you hunting her friends."

"Oh." Holly Hock looked around and leaned close. "Can you keep a secret?" she whispered.

Spike and Twilight nodded.

"The meat I get the most compliments for, that really pleases a griffon-palate. Is Parasprite." Holly Hock straightened up. "Now don't tell me your friend wants to make pets out of them."

"She tried," Twilight explained.

Holly Hock stared for a moment. "Well, I usually have to keep a small stock in Canterlot. I had them released in the Everfree when I came here, so they wouldn't escape and eat Canterlot out of all its supplies. But I can hunt them up here, fresh."

"Can I just cast my spells?" Twilight asked, "This talk is making me a bit queasy."

"Be my guest, and thanks," Holly Hock said as she left, "I'll cook something pony-style for you later."

Twilight watched the mare happily trot away. "I think she'll fit into Ponyville perfectly."

"Then why do you sound worried?" Spike asked.

"Because it reminds me how well we fit in here," she replied with a nervous grin. "Okay. Thunderstorm and tornado. That should do the trick. And if it doesn't, we'll think of something else."

Fluttershy hadn't been expecting any guests, and especially after lunch. She opened the door and saw Rainbow Dash draped over her Highness Luna, like a rug.

"Good afternoon," Luna said quietly, formally.

"Hey 'Shy." Rainbow raised a hoof as if it were painful.

"What happened?" Fluttershy gasped and stood aside as her Highness walked inside.

"Guess who's the fastest pony in Equestria?" Rainbow Dash asked as she raised her head, then flopped it down again.

"Uh, you are?" Fluttershy said as she helped Luna move the nearly boneless pegasus to the couch.

"Guess who also forgot the Pony-Sisters can teleport? A serious advantage in a steeplechase," Luna asked.

"I still beat you on the straightaways," Rainbow Dash mumbled.

Fluttershy smiled slightly, but let her Highness see it when Luna also grinned.

"I think she needs a bath and a nap," Luna said regally. Then the shier filly peeked out. "I know I do."

"Ha!" Rainbow Dash exhaustedly exulted, holding a hoof of triumph in the air, before letting it flop down and fell asleep.

"You can take a quick wash upstairs," Fluttershy offered.

"Thank you, but I have a meeting in five minutes, that has already been twice postponed," Luna said, "If they are going to have me running over to see that they are unready, they will get me as I am." She stood proud and tall, glaring down at her subjects, and smelling vaguely manky. Luna relaxed.

Letting Fluttershy observe, "Wouldn't 'straight from the shower' be a better approach?"

Luna thought and nodded. "I think I saw a hose outside," Luna said.

Fluttershy squeaked at the implication someone would just hose off a princess. She raced upstairs to get some scented shampoo as Luna walked out the front door.

Fluttershy hovered out the door with her cargo. "Uh, this might be better," she offered, "You could be, ah, fashionably late." She smiled hopefully.

"Thank you," Luna said as she used her magic to hose herself down. Fluttershy squeaked with embarrassment at the entire affair.

Mystery glanced at the famous 'Sand Cobra' and couldn't fit the image of the despondent she-griffon Svetlana with all the stories and rumors. It'd be like finding out Daring Do was actually a dumpy actuary, he thought as she walked a few paces behind him.

"You can act like we're the same rank," he said quietly, "You are on a mission after all."

She guiltily moved up until they were walking side by side. "You don't have to do this," she said quietly.

"What has you so spooked?" he asked, "You've been acting like a scared filly."

She glanced at him. "They know," she whispered earnestly, "They know all I did."

"They evidently knew while you were doing it," he replied, "So what's the difference? Now you know that they know." He shook his head. "I'm not doing that joke. The pink one would show up for sure."

She smiled. "But why the charade? Were they waiting until I was out of Canterlot to make their move?"

"I don't think they're going to 'move'," he said. "I think they are playing a much longer termed game than that. I think that you stealing secrets they essentially were letting you take, won't have them tearing you to pieces."

"What about our rulers?" she asked, "Imagine if they think that everything I've done was at Celestia's behest, and with her approval."

Things fall into place, he thought, and grinned at the idea.

"Then we'd better do our best to get all we can from the Big Guy. And I suspect that it may take quite a long time. By the time we get back, tempers may have cooled," he said, and enjoyed her hopeful grin.

This smells like the hospital, he thought as consciousness returned.

"Come on, you can do it!" he heard Discord urging.

Someone wants me awake more than I do, he thought. He opened his eyes and glanced around. His guardian unicorn sat on the floor, with the youngster he'd rescued seated opposite her. Between them was a game board resembling a traveling chess set.

"Your guardian's name is Trixie, or 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'. The little one is called Dinky Hooves, her pegasus-mother is called Derpy Hooves . . . but you knew that much, or you couldn't have had Rainbow Dash name her," Discord said in the confides of his mind.

Trixie's horn glowed and one of the pieces lifted, moved and the tab at the bottom fitted into the hole on the board.

Oh course, you don't think I beat that bunch without being able to read their minds too. Little Miss Evulz knew everyone in Ponyville from her scouting missions. How are their names pronounced in Equestrian?

Discord made a series of noises. He tried and failed to duplicate them in his head.

Dinky closed her eyes and concentrated. A piece glowed a slightly different color, lifted, but didn't land in a hole. Dinky was straining now, while Trixie spoke quietly, obviously encouraging the youngster.

I almost think you're making fun of me, he thought, But I can almost recognize some of the sounds from the purple unicorn's name. What was it? Twilight Sparkle. He watched the scene for a while. Very different from her public persona, he thought as after several attempts, Dinky finally got the piece in the hole, but not the right hole and so had to start over again.

"Ah so sweet, so cute, gag me," Discord said grumpily within his mind.

Well you better hope they're sweet and cute, or they'll start trepaning to get you out, he thought back, then spotted the book he knew he owned, Okay why'd they pick this one of all the books. He silently collected it.

"Maybe they picked your rattiest and most worn books, figuring you'd use them," Discord replied.

That would explain the Handbook of Chemistry and Physics being alongside this one, he thought as he silently paged through it. He glanced at the two unicorns for any sign he was disturbing their lesson.

"Aren't you going to slow down and actually read it?" Discord said, "Principia Discordia, Steve Jackson Games 1994. A book about . . . me?" Discord's smile was quite audible.

Got to find the right passage and not exactly, ah, here it is:

'The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man-made concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper that is the level of distinction making.

With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper that is the level of concept.

We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.

Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.

DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some particular grid. But, like "relation," no-relation is a concept. Male, like female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysically arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.

The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the ERISTIC ILLUSION.

The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.

Reality is the original Rorschach.
Verily! So much for all that.'

"Is that profound, or insane?" Discord asked, "Wait, asking that question is an Eristic Illusion and an Aneristic Illusion, respectively."

Very good, you are learning. Which is what you hung around for. A few more passages, he thought as he paged around, revealing the Curse of Greyface, and the Doctrine of the Original Snub to the chaos spirit.

"This Book must be translated into Equestrian!" Discord announced with a fanfare of bullfrogs, and mooses.

Oh course, he agreed, But only one person understands both languages, and he can't write or set type. He's going to have to fix that.

He heard the clang, and the sound of a hammer dulcimer being eaten with chopsticks.

"You tricked me," Discord said, sounding wounded.

Of course I tricked you. You came to learn, how else would I teach you? It isn't trickery or even Chaos that are the problem. It's that as you employed them, they were neither creative, nor life-affirming. Once you can switch around to approach Chaos from the creative and life-affirming angle, you may drive some stuck up Greyfaces to drink, but Celestia isn't going to encase you in stone again. He yawned, attracting the instant attention of the two unicorns and the mother pegasus who been under the bed.

The little one, Dinky Hooves, was in the crook of his arm, happily chattering away. The two adults had their forehooves on the bed and were likewise peppering him with comments and questions.

"Seals are grounding her's turn. Paleodentures and Occidental. In school we learned, the drefnimere. Sorry, even I can't keep up with all three of them," Discord admitted.

Not a problem, he told Discord enjoying the happy faces. He beeped all three of them, and was beeped in return. He then pointed back to the half-finished board game.

"You need to finish your homework, young lady," he said in a fatherly tone.

The little unicorn frowned, but hugged him and hopped down to work. Trixie grinned and sat back down opposite.

He settled down to watch them as his eyelids grew heavy. Someone, Derpy presumably, pulled the covers over him and settled beside him.

"If the apple said 'for the prettiest', and one was the god of beauty, wouldn't that one automatically win?" Discord asked.

Actually, considering Zeus's wife was the god of marriages, he should have given the apple to Themis, as all brides on their wedding day are the most beautiful women in the world. His wife may have grumbled, but she would have supported that decision. The gods were never known for being deep thinkers.

"Like all your, our recent victims," Discord realized.

He was asleep before he could answer.

Glory and Forget-me-not ran into the restaurant that would be their home. Spike was flanking Twilight, as the unicorn backed out of the kitchen levitating an axe. She noted the other two.

"Uh, you're going to need a new broom," Twilight said, "The spell, kinda got away from me." She tried to grin, but saw they weren't buying it.

"What happened?" Glory asked as she pressed past Twilight into the kitchen. The place was spotless, except for the occasional scorch mark on the walls, ceiling, counters and the cabinets. And the rather subdivided broom laying on the ground. "What happened?"

"The metal of the broom caught on fire from one of the lightning strikes," Twilight said, "I couldn't put it out, so I cut off the burning part from the rest. I didn't know the inside was hollow and was on fire too." She laughed nervously, then fell silent.

Forget-me-not looked around the kitchen. "Do I even want to know where all that stuff went?"

"In fireworks, silly," Pinkie Pie said as she entered and looked around. "This is bigger than the Cakes'," she commented.

"And completely clean," Glory said happily, "You do good work."

Twilight smiled.

"So! What's on the menu? What's on the menu?" Pinkie asked as she bounced excitedly.

"Parasprites!" Holly Hock announced as she entered.

Pinkie became Greenie, and joined Twilight's dash for the front door.

"Well, I didn't ask them to eat any," Holly Hock said peevishly. Then looked around at the nearly spotless and completely empty kitchen. "Griffons who like sausages should never watch them being made," she said as she opened her saddle bags and removed the jar now filled with Parasprites. She put two drops from an eyedropper through the holes in the lid, then put the jar in the cold box. "Got to scrub off the walls and floor. Or come up with a good story to explain them." She happily began investigating what all the cabinets held, and to organize them her way.

Mystery watched the four, rather-pale mares covering over the hole they'd dug. How a white unicorn could look even paler was beyond him. "Is this a pony-thing, or a mare thing?" he asked carefully.

"It's a running into a carnivore's kitchen thing," Pinkie Pie, still greenie, explained as she wobbled, "I would invite you to Sugarcube Corners, but eating, doesn't appeal to me right now."

"I think teasing them would get us beaten up when we slept," Sveti said, "So I say we look around the Apple farm. Apples are one of the few things griffons enjoy as much as ponies. They may also have some cider for sale."

"Cider season's starting?" Pinkie Pie asked eagerly.

"Hard cider, Pinkie," Twilight said. She looked around. "Where's Spike?"

The little dragon walked out of the former restaurant. "There'll be sandwiches soon," he said quietly, "And Twilight, can we go home?"

"Sure Spike, are you okay?" Twilight asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said quietly. "I'll never think of 'cold cuts' the same way again."

"Ah," Twilight said and started putting the little dragon on her back.

"Twilight, that's probably not a good idea," Spike said carefully. "Walking is just fine."

The mare nodded and she headed towards the library.

Forget-me-not raised her head. "I think getting our stuff from our temporary quarters might be a good idea."

"Are you all right?" Sveti asked and small pegasus nodded.

"I will be. It's the eagerness I'm troubled by," the pegasus admitted, "Glory, let's go."

"Enjoy your lunch," Glory said as she hurried away.

"What's eating them?" Mystery asked. Sveti shrugged.

Rarity entered the library. Twilight and Mystery were staring at the pages of the Monster-Equestrian dictionary and the two bicolumn letters. Rarity smiled to Sveti who was watching with bemusement. Rarity's target was also there.

"Your Highness," Rarity said timidly, she looked back at the monster's book in her saddlebags, "There is something you should see. Privately."

Luna looked at her with some concern, but indicated the hallway to the kitchen. Rarity followed, and she carefully laid the book on the kitchen table, and opened it to the book-marked section.

"They know about alicorns," Rarity said as she indicated the picture of the winged unicorn. The figure was reminiscent of Celestia. "Judging by the little, pink monster-mare's reaction, he's a male. And I think there is some precedent for dealing with a shapechanger," Rarity said carefully and opened the book to another book-marked page where the little, pink monster-mare cuddled with a monster-stallion with a horn. "I admit I don't fully understand all the implications. But you shouldn't give up too easily." She felt the Princess's glare. "Highness, I apologize, but you and Celestia are conflicted on your feelings. And I don't believe you should be."

"My feelings are my business," Luna said carefully.

"True." Rarity bowed. "And I apologize. But you should decide what you are going to do. For his peace of mind, if not your own."

"Why are you acting as matchmaker?" Luna asked neutrally.

"Not matchmaker, Highness," Rarity said, "Just trying to see friends not hurt each other. I have painful experience with letting what I thought versus what actually was affect my decisions."

Luna nodded.

Applejack entered. "Highness, Rarity. Have ya'all seen Applebloom?" the farm mare asked, "She finished her mornin' chores, and I ain't seen hide nor hoof of the filly since."

Rarity considered. "That's odd, I haven't seen Sweetie Belle since this morning either."

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders?" Luna asked carefully.

"Well, yes," Rarity admitted apprehensively.

"They are known. Even in Canterlot," Luna explained. "But what of them, are they not with their third member, almost always?"

"They can get inta a heap a' trouble on their own," Applejack said, "Since I ain't seen columns of smoke on the horizon. I don't think they're in too much trouble."

"Speak for yourself, Applejack. Sweetie Belle usually comes home covered in tree sap, or honey, or mud, or . . . well, pick anything sticky and tenaciously difficult to clean."

"Better'n being skunked," Applejack said. Both she and Rarity were surprised by the princess's guffaw.

"Sorry, remembering Celestia getting skunked. And her utter bewilderment at suddenly being shunned," Luna admitted. "We should set up a search for them, and I think myself and our two griffons will be ideal."

"I'll talk to Rainbow Dash, maybe they headed into the Everfree," Rarity said, then turned back to the princess, "Please consider what I said, and take it as a warning."

"Thank you," Luna replied before heading out towards the door.

Night had fallen when he awoke again. Discord was surprisingly quiet within his head. He glanced around the darkened hospital room. Can't see the unicorn, he thought as he craned his head to try and spot her. Giving up he slipped out of the bed, verified he wasn't going to step on her as he put his feet on the floor. He found her at the foot of the bed. He leaned down and nudged her gently. She made a dismissive noise. 'Mom, just five more minutes', he thought of her reaction. He turned back and arranged the pillows to simulate his body in the bed. Then abandoned the notion. I'm going to back out of here upright. With all the things that have happened lately, I'm not going to disappear anywhere.

The nurse at the nurse's station was asleep. He removed the clipboard and drew a simple picture of him going to his house. He duplicated it and left the copy with the unicorn, who still resisted his gentle attempts to awaken her. He didn't see anyone walking the floors as he left the hospital and headed toward where his house had been.

There was some activity at the edges of town, but nothing near enough to affect him. So he proceeded. The odd structure near the center of where his house had been drew his attention. He walked around it until he found the door that resembled his front door. He pulled the key from his pants' pocket. It fit the lock and let him open the door. He closed and locked the door behind him and let his eyes adjust to the light levels inside the corridor.

Okay, funny joke, he thought as he examined the door with the words carved into it. The other two doors were only vaguely interesting. He continued to the door that also duplicated his front door, save that it had more of the house apparently attached than the other door. The key opened this door as well. Inside was his home as he remembered it. The lights worked, and nothing seemed out of place. He walked to the glass doors and looked out into the darkness. He couldn't see the stars, which had been clearly visible in the original landing site. So far so good, he thought as he headed deeper into his house. Other than the books that were beside his bed back at the hospital, everything seemed in order.

"Oh, that's just peachy," he said sardonically as he saw the wreckage of his bed.

He was down on his hands and knees examining the damage when Discord spoke up. "Someone had a good time."

Real good time, not only did they tear the frame out of the wooden posts, they managed to crack the frame itself. I can guess what the springs on the frame, and in the mattress are like now. He sighed as he stood up. Figures, well, we'd better get back.

"Aren't you bothered?" Discord asked.

No, once I realized the situation, I knew I'd just have to - live - with it, he thought with a chuckle as he headed for the front door.

"Are you going to tell me?" Discord asked, and considered the silence, "I'd like to know, please."

I died in that earthquake, and this is Hell, he replied as he locked the door behind him.

"That's not funny. It doesn't even make sense," Discord replied.

Walking through chin-deep, flaming shit while encased in a lead bell is Dante, not the Bible. There's no specific recipe for what happens. He passed through the corridor and locked the 'front' door behind him. Under the local skies, he saw the stars again.

"A world full of, ugh, colorful, friendly ponies?" Discord said, "Disturbing, yes. Hell, no."

Oh sure, food is available, the people are friendly, and the weather is pleasant. Even a chance for a humanoid wife or three and offspring, although what they'd be is up for grabs. Everything a person could want. Except privacy, he thought as he jogged through the moonlit grounds, For someone who has lived a life with the phrases 'company proprietary' and 'need to know' that's not a pleasant time. Add that even within my own mind, I can't get away, that really makes it Hell.

"So tell them to quit it," Discord said.

You don't understand, they aren't doing it to just me, it's a part of their culture. As soon as the sun is up, a closed door becomes merely where you announce yourself before entering. And if someone enters, unless you have a compelling reason not to, you are expected to cater to their needs, whatever your desires are. And there's even a pony who can walk around in your dreams, just to pound home there's nothing that someone can't peer into.

"Surely not," Discord said.

Oh I had a plan to deal with it. Adopt a nocturnal schedule. Then except for a brief period in the early morning, and a brief period in the evening, I would have been inaccessible for the best reasons. I was asleep, or they were. But no, out of nowhere comes Nightmare and her coterie of nincompoops, and suddenly, I have another complication that eliminates the plan.

"So now I'm one of the demons tormenting you?"

Good grief, no! Look at the people around you. The purple unicorn.

"Twilight Sparkle," Discord offered.

Thank you, is so petrified that there's this great big ball of knowledge denied her, I'm surprised she hasn't had a full-blown, psychotic episode. Princess Celestia, who could kill me ten ways from Sunday, and has no legitimate reason to fear me, is so terrified of what I'll do to her ponies that she's irrational. Princess Luna can't figure out if she should kiss me or kill me. The show mare.

"Trixie, or 'the Great and Powerful Trixie'," Discord thundered.

Thank you again, loves being the center of one person's attention. Yet she obviously wants to go out traveling and performing in front of audiences. So she's in a vice there. The pegasus mother.

"Derpy Hooves, and her unicorn daughter Dinky Hooves."

Thank you, he thought, The mother would love to have a male to help look after her daughter, and she doesn't seem to mind my appearance, but she still gets teased about her unusual traits, so she won't push for fear of the backlash. None of you are demons, you're all tormented souls, like me and you. You want to be the life of the party, specifically Celestia's party, but no one's ever taught you restraint.

"Can we change the subject?" Discord asked.

No, and a please won't work this time. Look, if she's anything like the lady you had running around that other world, I can see why you're drawn to her. But chaos is the leaven in her life, a bit of seasoning, not the whole course. And the safety of her ponies is the raison d'etre of her life. If you or I threaten that, she'll come down on with all four hooves, with cleats, he said, That's your torment. You want the Alpha mare, because she's very like you, but the exaggeration of those similarities drives you apart from each other.

"So I need moderation, and so does she?" Discord asked. "I won't give up what I am."

Just trust me, there will be places you can moderate, and other places you can apply full force. It's the same with me, I need to accept these ponies will never appreciate what I value highly. But reacting to it is the wrong thing to do. Looking for the way out, that's the real answer. He'd arrived back at the hospital, and slipped in through the front door. A rather worried looking medical pony was waiting for him.

"What's the way out?" Discord asked.

Overcoming whatever put you here, he replied, It's just a matter of finding out what it was, and growing beyond it. He let them lead him back to his bed.

"Uh huh," Discord replied carefully, the realized, "Then what were all those 'trust' exercises about?"

That's easy, they were a way to maneuver her into a position where she could easily kill me or not, and blame an unforeseen accident. Sure she took ruthless advantage, but never in a way that would even approach causing lasting harm. She'd scare me, or try too, but it turns out that she doesn't have the guts to finish it, if she only has vague worries about her ponies. I'd actually have to act in a threatening manner for her to act.

"That's a lot to bet on a hunch," Discord said.

What are you worried about? I get killed, you go back with the rest of you. I'm already dead, so I get to find out how they recycle people here, or that I'm effectively immortal. Either way, it wouldn't be permanent. I think she and the others don't realize the situation. Probably part of their anxiety. They are part of what they fervently believe is a thriving community, and suddenly they have a virus, me, affecting their lives. For creatures for whom stability to the point of tedium is a near obsession, my presence is a torture that grates. That I am not an obvious, physical threat, but a huge existential one makes it worse not better. If I came in roaring and trying to eat them it would be easier, but that I am mostly peaceful and friendly, and a sensual and esoteric delight for others makes it even more deeply and indeterminably disturbing for them. I need to figure out what I need to do to get out, and they have a catharsis to get moving on their own redemption. It's brilliant. I just hope I'm not screwing up yours by telling you. He reentered the room, and noted the now wide-awake Trixie, who looked worriedly at him.

"My redemption?" Discord asked, offended to the core, "What fears and phobias do I have."

Being alone, and being unappreciated, he replied as he let them tuck him back in bed, You keep doing these things, first to get Celestia's attention, then Twilight Sparkle's. It's why you didn't go after her directly, and you let all her friends explore the downside of their personalities, rather than just dropping them and their Elements into a volcano somewhere. You want to be chaotic, and you want to be admired. But you never encountered anyone random enough to gain your respect, or powerful enough to hold your feet to the fire. Diminished as you are, and locked in here with me, you have both.

"You think you could punish me, even here?" Discord asked, eager to change the disturbing subject.

Well, yes, but you've done nothing to deserve it, he thought as Trixie cut the lights, and positioned herself in front of the door, Punishment without purpose diminishes its effectiveness later.

"What if I were to say I'd tell Luna all of what you told me, and urge her to tell everyone in Ponyville?" Discord asked.

I'd reply, 'and you really think she'd trust your word? Or would she think you were teasing her?' he replied, We haven't built up your trust level with her or her sister yet. It wouldn't matter what you told her, she'd filter it through her preconceptions. Remember that passage on grids? Trusting your word isn't part of her grid.

"Surely if - and don't say 'don't call me Shirley', if I told her, she'd at least react," Discord said.

Certainly she'd react. If you told her water was wet, she'd rush off and look it up to make sure it was still true. Be patient. I can teach you enough so you can be your old random self, and Celestia won't hate you for it, he told the Chaos spirit to soothe him, I don't hold your presence here against you. You are as much a chess piece in this game as I. We've both been moved to a place where our punishment or redemption moves that much closer.

"But the punishment aspect . . . " Discord said.

Look, don't go looking for things that will make me invoke it. There are things even my people are terrified of. Little things, that stop being so little when they've happened to you, he replied.

"I have to know," Discord warned, "I'll keep looking, you know that and so do I. It's my nature to push any boundary."

Okay, a mild one, for not believing your teacher, to his face, he replied.

"Thank you."

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware, it's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

There is just one moon and one golden sun, and a smile means friendship to everyone. Though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide, it's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

"All right, that is rather irritating isn't it. You can stop singing." Discord waited, then said, "Please, stop signing."

I already stopped, he thought ominously.

"But I can hear you," Discord replied. He took off his ears and shook them violently, they sounded like cow bells. "I can still hear you!" he said before replacing his ears.

Yes, you can. And that one will persist for several hours, he warned.

"HOURS?!" Discord replied in distress. "I'm going to listen to you sing it for hours?"

No, after a while you'll hear it in your own voice, he replied.

Discord disintegrated in pieces, little Discords ran around the ground. "Make it stop. Make it stop! Please make it stop. It's coming to get me. It's going to take over my mind I can feel it! If I sleep," the Discords clamored in abject terror, "It'll eat me!" He reformed on his knees. "Please. I'll do anything!"

First, promise to quit challenging me without cause. If I tell you something is dangerous, don't ask for a demonstration, he insisted.

"Of course, done, Pinkie Promise Small World in my eye - CUPCAKE in my eye!" Discord promised.

All right, listen. Infinite bottles of beer on the wall, infinite bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, infinite bottles of beer on the wall, he told Discord, Keep repeating that when it gets too bad. But don't over use it. It loses effectiveness over time.

"Thank you, thank you. Infinite bottles of beer on the wall, infinite bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, infinite bottles of beer on the wall," Discord walked off singing.

Poor kid, but he's gotta learn, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

"In here," Cheerilee said, as she stood smirking at the doorway to the school house. Inside were the three Cutie Mark Crusaders, looking especially worried at the cloud of concerned adults.

"I told Glory where I was going," Sweetie Belle offered as she looked at her sister's angry and concerned expression. Applejack was outside, quietly trying to get her temper under control.

Rarity sighed, "Yes, she did mention you were going to school. But I thought you were joking."

"Are we in trouble?" Applebloom asked.

Rarity looked outside at Applejack. "I'm afraid so."

"Only we could get in trouble spending the entire day doing nothing at the school house," Sweetie Belle complained, "We just didn't want to spend the day peeling potatoes and cleaning latrines."

"What?" Cheerilee asked.

"The other officer said if we wanted to join up the Royal Observer Corps, we had to peel potatoes and clean latrines while we were going to school for it," Scootaloo said, "I don't want to have to do more chores, and go to school on top of going to school and doing chores."

"Whatever would make you think that the Royal Guards would take a bunch of fillies?" Rarity asked, "That officer was teasing you, so you'd leave our guest alone. And considering how things shake out around him, I can't blame her."

"I think we better get them all home," Applejack said as she entered the school house. "Tomorrow is a school day after all."

"Are we in trouble?" Applebloom asked.

"Yes you are," Applejack said so calmly everyone knew the trio were in a lot of trouble. The trio looked forlornly at each other and two walked after their respective guardians. Scootaloo proceeded to her home with nary a look back to her friends.

Day 20

Luna was not eager to find Discord standing guard at the portal to their guest's dreams. The featureless expanse continued to the horizons. Only a monotone gray floor, and Discord himself broke the emptiness.

"I think we need to talk," the draconequus said far more politely than she remembered him being in their previous dealings.

"What have you to say?" she asked coldly. And was surprised that Discord seemed to take no offence, despite a history of being thin-skinned about disrespect.

"I think you have all pushed him over the edge," Discord said, "I know you won't believe me, but I guess I have to try."

"Speak," Luna said, "I will listen."

"He thinks he's dead, and this whole world is a place of eternal damnation," Discord said.

"Equestria?" Luna asked, and couldn't keep from smiling at the thought. "Under your rule, perhaps, but under Celestia's?" She nearly chuckled at the thought.

Discord continued morosely. "He thinks it's punishment, because he can't get any privacy. He knows you or someone broke into his home and broke the bed. He's had to tolerate you, and me, traipsing into his mind, and he can't keep you out. He had 'friendship' he doesn't want thrown at him by everypony who doesn't stare at him in terror. I think he finally cracked."

"And you know all this how?" Luna asked, not quite able to keep from smiling at the cleverness and apparent candor of Discord's act and story.

"He told me, when I asked him why having his property destroyed produced not even a sigh. It also explains his recklessness against those ancient enemies. If you are already dead, what happens when you are 'killed' in the afterlife?" Discord shrugged.

"This no longer amuses me," she told him and moved.

Discord moved to block her. "Like I said, I don't expect you to believe me," Discord said, "But can you put off your excursion, to investigate whether what I'm telling you has even a grain of truth?"

"The only way to verify, would be to go in there and look," Luna said and pointed a hoof into the featureless distance. "And I am disinclined to believe you."

"Another reason why he told me everything. Better to be damned by your own hand." Discord stepped aside. "Go, rummage, find all the things he wants to keep hidden, drag all his embarrassments and sinister impulses before Celestia. Be ruled by your paranoia against one who has never raised a hand against any of your ponies no matter how they attacked him, or seemed to. Who even let one who tortured him live. Either he's right, that this is the afterlife and Celestia's irrational fears, Twilight's desperation on organizations and your sister's approval, and your terror that you'll fall again and your sister won't be able to forgive you, are all what brought us here. Or this is Equestria, and he'll continue acting as if he can be hurt, but not truly killed, until he does something a saner person would stand away from and it kills him. I gave you my warning, I urged you to investigate if you could not trust. His death will be on your head and yours alone."

"He's gotten to you, hasn't he?" Luna said.

"I could say the same," Discord countered darkly, then smiled, "I never had anyone willing to teach me. Who would hold up a standard I could meet and demand I live up to it."

"Celestia did." Luna glared at him.

"Celestia said one thing, and did another," Discord riposted, "She cannot and has not lived up to the standard she set for me. I can't live that way. But I might be able to find a way to still be me, and be acceptable to you," Discord said. "If you want him, offer him something of yourself than no one else has ever seen or had. He sees all that the ponies are demanding, and giving back little he values. Celestia is playing the trickster, and setting you up to be the lonely one who draws him out. But he is no pony. And you have no real idea what he thinks and feels, because you keep thinking he's a funny-shaped pony. Magic, flight, all the things he can't do himself, that's what would interest him."

"I already had plans in those directions," Luna admitted. "And what do you gain?"

"I get to walk under the sunlight again without having to worry about the Elements. Maybe I can fix some of the problems this world has. Maybe I can show you all things you've never heard of before."

"Something hidden from Celestia's and my eyes? I don't believe it," Luna said dismissively.

"You see the darkness, Celestia the light. Who looks into the twilight and the shadows? Sparkle and her friends? Shining Armor? Cadence? Or no one?" Discord asked angrily, "Don't play the omniscient card to one who knows better. There's a difference between seeing all, and knowing all. If you don't know what you are looking at, you are as blind as anypony."

"Keen enough to see through you," Luna said.

Discord slowly faded. "Except when I'm being transparent. Then you see what isn't there."

Luna looked around after Discord had completed his vanishing act. The maddening thing is, he might have given me good advice, specifically because he knew I wouldn't take it from him, she thought, So he gets to laugh at me either way, so be it. I had my own plans. I just push them forward. I hope Rarity has had time to complete the ensemble. Luna returned to the dreams of ponies. And to soothe the nightmares of three silly fillies in particular.

"Is there any pony food?" Forget-me-not asked as she rose, and noticed Glory was already awake.

"There's plenty of Parasprite-salad left," Glory said as she sat in one of the few booths and went over a stack of papers. "And I think Holly Hock invited the griffons over for Fancied Toast."

"That's bread dipped in eggs then grilled?" Forget-me-not asked, as she noted a stack of papers in another booth. "I have a sneaking suspicious those papers are mine."

"Probably," Glory said. "Her Highness dropped them off last night. Evidently our target slipped past the entire hospital staff and got to his house without being spotted. Her Highness was not happy about that failure of security."

"I thought 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' was a stage act, not a security expert," the small pegasus said as she leafed through the papers.

"I think the implication is that we should have had a guard there ourselves," Glory said.

"What is that thing made of, anyway?" the pegasus asked, "They haul him in there at death's door, and about two days later he's fine? For something supposedly so fragile, he's got the recuperative powers of a dragon."

"Several," Glory agreed, then snickered. "Maybe he absorbs more than nutrients eating once living things, maybe he absorbs their souls to fuel his incredible powers?" Glory said in a spooky voice and began stalking Forget-me-not.

"Yeah, right," the pegasus said, ignoring the looming unicorn.

"And he's coming to get you," Glory said.

"I think that position is already pretty crowded," the pegasus replied.

"Eww!" Holly Hock said as she exited the kitchen, "And you think the food I prepare is bad. That's a disgusting thought."

"I'm sorry, Parasprite-salad sandwiches for the griffons helping the search?" Glory exclaimed, "That is disgusting."

"Not for griffons," Holly Hock replied, "So do you want Fancied Toast, or are you going to eat out?"

Glory laid her head on the pile of papers. "It's my diplomatic duty to make them welcome in Equestria, it's my intelligence duty to keep an eye on them, and it's my duty as an Equestrian not to feed any of them my colleagues." She raised her head. "Yes, I'd love to have breakfast with the griffons."

"Then stay away from the fried sausage, stay with the boiled," Holly Hock said she returned to the kitchen.

"What's the difference?" Forget-me-not asked.

"The boiled is apple, garlic, cabbage and flour. The fried isn't," Holly Hock called.

"Thanks!" Glory and Forget-me-not called back.

"I was drafted, what made you take this job?" Forget-me-not asked.

"Stupidity," Glory answered.

Rarity had barely had time to get breakfast underway when she heard the knock on the shop door. Sweetie Belle was at the table, fast asleep, so Rarity headed towards the shop and the early morning customer. "Coming!" she called as she hurried and tried to make herself at least presentable.

That the customer was a seemingly nervous Princess Luna did nothing for Rarity's sangfroid. Her schadenfreude was piqued by the alicorn's nervousness. "Can I help you?"

"Is it ready?" Luna asked quietly, nearly dancing on her hoof tips.

"Yes," Rarity said and led her to the wrapped parcel. With her back to the princess she briefly let a grin escape. It was well hidden when she offered over her shoulder, "You might fly him to see Zecora. She seems a good alchemist, and that might be a type of magic he can employ."

Her Highness stared at the parcel. "That sounds remarkably like the advice I got recently. I just don't know if I should trust it or not."

"For those who can't fly, and those who can't do magic, being able to experience it is always welcome," Rarity offered, "Who advised you?"

"Discord," Luna replied as she unwrapped the package and looked inside.

Rarity had been unwilling to make the gear actually plain, but it was far more austere than her usual generation of such things. "Then be very careful. He will often give you exactly what you think you want. But not in a way that does you any good."

"So, take the advice, with a grain of salt, and watch your flanks," Rarity said. "Or, he may have told you exactly the truth and given you the best advice possible, simply to make you too nervous to use it."

Luna looked pained. "That's so wonderful to hear," she said. She collected the parcel. "Thank you, and wish me luck. It seems either way, I have some fences to mend."

"Good luck, your Highness." Rarity watched her depart and wondered what was going to happen. "No, Rarity, everyone deserves some privacy." She sighed. "It's not as if anyone can meet their princess."

He was aware of the unicorn, Trixie, being one tiny step away from giving him a lecture. For some reason I think Discord and she would double team me if one started, he thought as he walked back to the odd structure that led to his house. He picked an apple off the tree and offered it to Trixie.

She frowned slightly, but accepted it. The ponies still either looked and hurried about their business, or stood stock still and stared at him until he was out of view.

I guess after what I did, they're even more spooked now than they were before. But good grief, I was reading the villains minds or what passes for them. How hard is it to win a poker game reading all the cards and knowing your own? he thought. The silence that answered was welcome, but disturbing. I really should be working on learning their written language. More silence.

He unlocked the door and held it open for Trixie. He noted the faint aura on the other side of the door coming from the handle. "You don't trust me," he said, "After last night I don't blame you. But I did try to wake you up."

Trixie refused to take the bait, or was willing for her lecture to be private. Then she stared past him with a concerned expression.

She's above petty tricks, besides I still have the key, he thought as he turned to look at what Trixie was staring at.

I want to lecture him on sneaking off, Trixie had thought as she walked beside him, But I don't think he'd know anything except I'm disappointed, and he seems to already get that.

She watched him finally perk up as he opened the door. Strange, it seems the closer he gets to home, the better off he is, Trixie thought, then had a twinge, And I've been hoping he could come with me on the road. Go or stay. Whichever way it happens, one of us is going to be miserable. She held the door for him, then caught Princess Luna approaching. He was soon staring at the alicorn.

What's she so nervous about? Trixie wanted to ask.

"Are you going in?" Luna asked, bowing her head slightly, in what Trixie recognized as a submissive gesture.

"I think we were," Trixie replied. Her horn glowed and showed an image of the three of them going into the house.

He frowned, but nodded and gestured for Luna to follow. Luna looked sheepish. "Generate pictures to communicate," her Highness said, "Why didn't we think about that?"

Trixie smiled. "Am I not the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she asked quietly as she followed him.

Luna fell in behind them, after closing the door.

She locked it, what's happening? she thought then moved back to where he stood staring at the middle door.

"He shouldn't go through there," Luna warned, "It'll change his color. Permanently."

He rotated several pieces of the door frame, and opened the door. Trixie caught his hand before he could go through. He grinned at her and shook his head. He pointed to bit of the carvings in the doorframe.

"Discord wrote the instructions of how to pass through safely in his language," Trixie realized. "Anyone else who tries will be dyed, and easily tracked. I'll bet that the keys change. Until we can read his language, we need him to pass through."

Luna shook her head. "More games," her Highness said, "We either play along, or we lose." The alicorn fixed Trixie with a glare. "What are you going to do? Stay at his side and deny your wanderlust, or drag him along and have him unhappy?"

Trixie gritted her teeth. "Neither. I am required to be here right now. When my sentence is over, then I'll think about it." She stepped back and nuzzled his leg. "Or, it might be nice to give him a friendly face in foreign places. And for me to have a home to come home to."

He scratched her behind the ears for a moment, then closed the door and restored the door frame keys to their unobvious positions. He proceeded to the actual front door and unlocked it. The light from wherever the house had landed filled the corridor. Trixie blinked away the spots before her eyes and tried to keep up. Luna followed.

He closed the door after they'd come through and locked it. Trixie's stomach turned as he glared at Luna. Whatever is going on, she's still a princess, and very powerful, Trixie thought then stepped between the two and nuzzled his leg. It seemed to calm him down a little.

"Let me guess, you broke in here while he was in the hospital, and he found what damage you did before you could fix it?" Trixie said carefully. Her Highness looked embarrassed at the accusation.

"Yes. I was practicing a spell, and it didn't work as expected," Luna admitted.

"Maybe I can help," Trixie offered as she pressed back against him, to make him either jump aside, or sit on the couch. He chose to sit.

Luna seemed horrified by the thought. "Um, the side effects are quite bad, I wouldn't want to put you through them. The truth is the headache and delirium from the spell resulted directly in the damage."

"So where is the damage, I don't see a bookshelf out of place, all the furniture in these rooms is in once piece." Trixie felt despair. "You damaged the office boxes!" She dashed towards the office and the machines that would make the dictionary possible. They were still intact. Luna was pursuing nearly as fast. He seemed content to simply stroll after. Trixie came out of the office and noted the Luna had positioned herself to block entrance to the bedroom.

"What exactly were you casting, and why were you casting it in his bedroom?" Trixie growled. She was horrified when the Princess's expression went from defiant to mortified. "What kind of sick stunt were you planning?" Trixie asked as she approached the Lunar Diarch, but she was beyond caring. "What kind of . . . ?" She saw the broken bed and it all clicked. She stepped back until she ran into a tall pair of legs. She sat down at his feet and stared at the shamed Princess.

"Your Royal Lunar Highness," Trixie said in a controlled tone, "Is it now the practice of the Diarchs to shoot off fireworks in a powder magazine? Or have the rigors of first-contract driven you insane?"

"I am, still a Princess," Luna warned.

"Respectfully, your Royal Highness, anyone but you who performed an act like that would rightfully be denounced as an idiot," Trixie said through gritted teeth, "If the spell would have worked, what pray tell would you have done if he didn't comply? More magic?"

"You forget yourself," Luna told her and approached.

"And so have you, your Highness," Trixie said as she stood and confronted the alicorn, "I am just a nothing, a stage performer drafted into this world of intrigues. But you are supposed to be an example for ponies. I at least understand why there's such a thing as back stage, to let the performers rest away from the crowds. But you are above that, able to break and enter, destroy someone else's property, and whatever else, so you are above the law."

Trixie scowled at the glaring Princess. Then she felt a tug on her ear. He signaled for her to move away. He bowed low to the Princess and walked back down the hallway, keeping between the two mares.

Trixie let him lead her outside into the geode-like formation that was house's new resting place. The air was warm and dry, and the crystals glowed with different colors. With Trixie at his side, they circumnavigated the house, and noted the large fissure in the crystalline wall. Trixie rushed to block that before he approached and went exploring. He tried to go around or over her, but to no avail. He walked to the kitchen side of the house where there were few windows, and sat down against the house. Trixie approached slowly, sensing his odd mood, and laid down beside him. After a few moments, she put her head in his lap and waited with him.

Luna briefly considered pounding her head on the wall. No, I've done enough damage in here as it is. I was going to tell him, explain it all as best I could, but that mare - who would have understood perfectly what I was saying and leaving out, Luna realized. I wasn't going to tell him, I was going to provide a believable explanation. What would I have done if he didn't comply? What would I have asked him to comply with? She shook her head violently. I was willing to admit wrong doing, but not in front of one who would understand what I was saying. And even I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't stopped when I did. She looked at the parcel containing what she had been planning to wear. If I am a princess, I shouldn't care what she thinks, or what she says about me. What's she going to do? Gossip about me, tell him what it means in Equestrian eyes? Neither he nor I should care. She picked up the parcel, took two steps and then stopped. She set it on the floor and opened it, staring at the fine workponyship, and considered what it would mean to him, what it would mean to most Equestrians, and what it really meant to her.

Spike and Sveti were maintaining the steady supply of books, quills, hot tea and blank parchments to the two decoders working on the collection of words they had from the dictionary, and the complete sentences and phrases they had from the letters, and now rubbings from the door in the Big Guy's entry way. At the moment Spike and Sveti were refilling the large containers of tea their respective scholars were consuming in vast quantities.

"Miss Svetlana?" Spike asked as he put on yet another kettle to heat.

"Please, Spike, Sveti. 'Svetlanas' sit around all day ordering functionaries around," the very un-Gilda-like griffon said as she did an inventory of the available, and dwindling tea supply.

"Sveti then, have you seen the Big Guy, when he was conscious?" Spike asked as he checked the kettle and laid out the tea for it.

"No, not yet. Something troubling you?" the griffon asked.

"Yeah. Everypony seems to be able to read his facial expressions like a large-type book, ditto his gestures. And he seems to be able to read theirs. Him and me, nothing. Blank slate. And I don't think he can read me either."

"I'll keep an eye out and report my findings. Thank you. If griffons labor under that same disadvantage as dragons, it could make our job considerably more difficult," Sveti said.

"Thanks, it's been bugging me." Spike added the tea to the pot.

"And instead of analysis you get a lecture that it's not something anyone else has a problem with," Sveti said, "Those are always useful and uplifting. 'I know you'd like help, here's a speech that you're an idiot instead.'" The griffon shrugged.

"I take it you've gotten a few of those as well," Spike said.

"I've been in government service since you were hatched," Sveti said, "I've gotten several. They're always painful. So when I see I'm about to launch one, I always hold back."

"Thanks." Spike considered. "Is anyone looking into his familiarity with our math?" Spike asked, and exchanged a raised eyebrow with the griffon.

"Well, I happen to have some rather advanced training in math," Sveti replied, "If you'll excuse me. I think I need to order some books." Sveti started towards the entrance to the kitchen.

"Give me the letter, I can get it directly into her majesty's hands," Spike assured her as he poured the tea into a large thermos.

"All right," Discord said, actually sounding tired, "The next one starts with a loop, counterclockwise, with a long tail at the beginning."

All right, he thought as he started the figure, and ignored Trixie's astonishment as she watched over his shoulder. What does this one sound like? he mentally asked.

Discord made a sound that while obviously different from the previous ones, wasn't quantifiably different. "Aren't you glad you asked?"

Why does Equestria sound like severe borborygmi? he asked Discord, I have the horrible idea that if I eat too many beans with boiled cabbage, I'll either insult someone's mother or make lewd suggestions to a stallion.

"That would be interesting," Discord giggled, "Or you'll get a reputation as a ventriloquist. The rest of the letter is like a U, with the arm coming up level with the top of the loop."

Terrific, eight minutes to write two words, he thought, And Trixie thinks I've lost my mind.

"With those two words I can hardly blame her," Discord replied, "Why 'Disaster Reports'?"

Simple. The way to get to Celestia is through her ponies. If you can do something about one of these, you'll definitely get on her good side. It's all a case of stage management.

"For instance?" Discord asked.

Let's get the report first, he replied, Then once we've got the proper disaster in hand, we can create or at least assist the solution. He stood, and Trixie was on her feet looking somewhat worried.

"Are you going to try to go through your front door?" Discord asked, the tone was pure innocence.

When I have a week to explain to the Dragon Queen how I arrived in her personal treasure vault, or the harem of the griffon emperor. I'll probably appreciate it more if I'm not pressed for time. But lets get your help in hand first. He jogged around the house and in through the glass doors. He heard Luna shout something, but he was past and out into the corridor.

"What I'd really like is some way to make myself heard outside," Discord said as Trixie followed the Big Guy down the entry hall to the Ponyville door. "Are you going to leave Princess Luna behind in your house?"

She can break in and destroy the furniture whenever she likes, what good would closing the doors do? he thought, Royal prerogative and all that. I'll lock the Ponyville door though. Have to keep it a Royal prerogative after all.

Discord was strangely silent during the entire jog to the town library.

Arriving at the library, they found the familiar door-dragon, and a griffon. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought.

Trixie sidled up and took the paper from his hand and presented it to the dragon.

"She's explaining what you want," Discord said inside his head, "The dragon is called Spike, unimaginative name. Makes him sound like a watch dog. The griffon is one of two, her name's Svetlana, but she goes by Sveti."

What's got Trixie so agitated? he thought of the showmare arguing very pointedly with the griffon. To the point where the griffon extended its claws.

He slipped his hand into his pocket and closed on the small pistol he'd picked up in his home with the discovery of the destruction. Trixie had seen the claws and her horn glowed faintly, making it clear the fight would not be as one-sided as the griffon expected.

"The griffon informed her that she'd been assigned by Luna to be a new bodyguard," Discord reported, "And she is evidently foreseeing the anger coursing through you and has told the griffon and Spike about the break in and property destruction. And that another interloper, especially a Luna-mandated one will end in you say, burning down the house around your ears to keep anyone from getting your secrets."

The gasp of horror indicated the arrival of Twilight and a second griffon, who looked at the two nearly ready to come to blows, and the very tense monster standing in what promised to be ground zero.

Luna stared at the figure in the large bathroom mirror. I know what I see, I can guess what the Equestrians will see, but what would he have seen? she wondered about the saddle, bit and bridle she wore. Rarity had managed to make them more workponylike than the typical fetish gear she'd seen some ponies wear. She made them look like tools, instead of toys. And they are comfortable enough to wear, although a little padding under the saddle might be welcome, she thought as she looked at the sad pony in the pretty clothes in the mirror. How am I ever going to admit why I did it? I barely understand myself. No, I know one person who might explain it to me. It was intoxicating after Discord changed us. So many new thoughts and feelings, so many drives ponies don't get. And the mind racing in all directions. No wonder they seemed mad. But, I wanted to be like that again. It was like being drunk and lucid, being completely out of control and having the universe at my finger tips if I'd put out the effort.

Luna used her magic to replace the tools in the parcel. She carried the parcel out of the house and through the door to Canterlot Castle leaving it on the steps, rather than taking it all the way to her room where any maid might walk in and find it. Once back in the corridor with all the doors firmly locked, she proceeded to the Ponyville door and out into the sunlight.

All right, number one, gather intelligence; number two, make my apologies and damn anyone who thinks otherwise; and three, practice that spell where it won't make me do stupid things in someponyelse's house.

Twilight smiled nervously as she explained the situation to him. The second griffon was trying to defuse the staring match between Trixie and the she-griffon.

"And after Celestia and Luna have licked off all the whipped cream, I'll make Applejack untie you, and get Rarity to give back your clothes," Discord 'translated' Twilight Sparkle's explanation.

He stared at the nervously grinning mare, watching the sweat bead on her forehead despite the fur there.

Are you sure that's that she said? he mentally asked Discord, Because she never once mention the books, and during Fluttershy's 'activity' with her feathers, that would have been a perfect time to get me to surrender the books.

"I don't think she'd want to get them under duress, it would give you grounds to get them back," Discord replied.

Interesting point, he thought. He smiled to the purple unicorn and nodded. He took a deep breath, and let out an ululating roar. When he stopped, all the ponies and griffons were plastered against the wall staring at him in terror. He walked over and patted Trixie on the head. Then he retrieved the paper and spindled it on Twilight's horn.

The mare focused on the paper and made an interrogative noise. He made a c-shape with the thumb and index finger of each hand, touched the thumb tip of one to the index tip of the other and flapped the fingers while circling Twilight's head.

The mystified mare whinnied something.

"I don't look anything like that, oops," Discord said.

Funny how a long, skinny, warped thing is instantly recognizable as you, he thought in reply, Odd, don't you think. Now, I thank you for the more entertaining translation of Twilight's speech, it was probably vastly more interesting than what she actually said. I must jot it down and translate it for her sometime. But I need an authentic translation, this is for your benefit.

"She asked 'Disaster Reports?'" Discord said.

He nodded and poked the paper with a finger. Trixie had taken up station beside him, and looked one step away from restarting the fight with the griffon. But the truce held for the moment.

Twilight slowly walked towards a series of papers, occasionally glancing back over her haunches to stare at him with a quizzical expression. Spike was whispering something to the griffon Trixie had been arguing with, and the griffon was whispering back. The magic surrounded a large book, and Twilight set it at a desk. Inside were newspaper pages.

Well, it's a place to start, he thought, I was hoping to get intelligence or action reports. I guess that's too much to hope for.

"So I get to read about all the lost kittens and puppies? What have I ever done to you?" Discord asked.

You intrigued me, that's cause for punishment enough. I don't want everything. Concentrate on disasters: fire, floods, crop failures, things of that nature. Once you've got one, slow down and we'll go over it.

The heartfelt sigh sounded like a man being sent to be drawn and quartered, or a teenager sent to clean their room. "Next page, please. Next. Next. Next. Next."

He paged through the archived newspaper at Discord's speed. While the pictures he could decipher, the words were just squiggles on the paper.

Lyra had to magically pick up Sweetie Drops, to see who was at the door who had petrified her friends as effectively as a cockatrice. "Your Highness," Lyra gasped at the Lunar Diarch looking very distressed, standing on her doorstep like a petitioner, rather than a ruler.

"May I come in?" she asked softly.

Lyra could only nod and step out of the way. She closed the door behind the quiet Lunar Diarch and awaited her Highness's pleasure. The wait was long enough that Sweetie Drops partially recovered, and set about trying to straighten the place up slightly.

"You know of humans, at least the tales and legends. What are they like?" Luna asked quietly.

Lyra gulped, and tried to ignore the sound of Sweetie Drops pounding her head against the wall. "I will tell you what I've uncovered. Do you think our guest is a human?"

"I don't know, but at this point any information would be helpful."

"Lost kitten, starlet's heartbreak, boring," Discord complained as they went through the third book of newspapers.

Sorry, I would have thought the papers would have something, he apologized, Back home, they'd be full of the stuff.

"What? Earthquakes, volcanoes, meteor strikes, riots, wars, mass murders, serial murders, arson, forest fires? Now do you understand why I wanted to spice this place up? Bucolic doesn't begin to destroy this place."

I think you meant describe.

"I said 'destroy' and I meant 'destroy'," Discord peevishly replied, "Boredom is the main crop and the dietary staple. Someone lives on the fringes of the town for years and nopony has the guts to keep their shops open to sell to her? If Applejack hadn't escorted you that first time, you could have cleared the entire town market in seconds."

So much for love and tolerance, he thought, Wait, what's that one with the picture of the farmer?

"Heavy, early rains, on top of a large, late snow fall caused some serious crop failures," Discord commented, "So much for the weather service, storm probably got too big for the locals to handle and they had too much pride to call in outside help."

That's perfect, he thought happily, Just perfect.

"How is that perfect? I am not going to teach these ponies how to properly irrigate their farms. That is not what I do."

No, but the flooding also means the bridges and roads are undermined. As the winter weather rolls in, some settlements and people in the outer fringes are cut off. With a smaller than expected harvest, about late winter the food starts running really low. Big storm rolls in. Say at the Solstice, when the sun is low on the horizon. Everyone is already mourning those possibly lost to the storm as icy conditions ground all the pegasi rescue flights.

"Sounds great, but other than sit back and enjoy it, what do I do?" Discord asked.

The isolated towns and farms awaken after the storm has passed to tall drifts of, muffins, cupcakes, bottles of chocolate milk, and cans of frozen concentrated orange juice. Celestia will love it. And everyone else will drive themselves crazy trying to find your ulterior motive that isn't there. Chaotic enough for you? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said happily.

And heroic. No one else could possibly have done it, but you just shrug and ask if that sounds like the kind of thing you'd do, he told the Chaos Spirit, Chaotic, but life-affirming.

"Yes," Discord said happily.

So, food for thought? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said.

What's the square root of 27? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said.

Maybe Celestia will have some whip cream left for you, he told Discord.

"Yes," Discord said.

"You do understand that these are just legend, theories of mine based on observations of other creatures native to Equestria?" Lyra said as Luna poured over the collection of news clippings, heavily annotated books and a few items of her own researches spread on a table in the sound-dampened practice room.

"It is information," Luna replied, "I can test whether it is correct or incorrect." She stopped and stared at Lyra. "Why are you not following him around barraging him with questions and documenting his every move?"

"Oh." Lyra selected another book from the shelves in the closet and set it on the overburdened table. "They are fiercely territorial. Staking out areas of their own, and even limiting entry into the area around them. Privacy is also very important to them. It would be a shame to alienate him, if he is a human, by being too forward. I let him see me around town. I wave, and smile. I had a plan in place to have a little concert near his home, to see if he liked the music. Get him used to me in small steps, better still to draw him to me rather than force myself into his presence. If these books are correct, it is the best way."

Luna sighed sadly. "Yes, the best way."

"Highness, if I may be so bold, don't you have all this information at the palace?" Lyra asked carefully.

"Not concentrated like this, and not correlated and annotated," Luna said. "It would have prevented so much," she added sadly.

"I'll leave you to your studies," Lyra said and backed out of the room and closed the door.

"What's going on Lyra?" Sweetie Drops said quietly, glancing at the practice room.

"It is wrong to see a Princess cry," Lyra said quietly. "Let's brew some of that awful tea you like so much. She can join us when she's ready to."

"She thinks all that crazy stuff is true?" Sweetie Drops asked.

"If it isn't, it's helping her to," Lyra said.

"Okay, what was that letter I just sent to Princess Celestia?" Spike asked as Trixie, Sveti and the Big Guy left.

"I think it was an invitation to a cinema," Twilight said with some trepidation as she stared at the copy she'd been given for herself and Spike. It was exactly the same as the one given the two griffons. "I saw one, so did Dinky. She was delighted, I was terrified. The other one before the foalnapping was even worse."

"I don't think he'd be inviting all of us to something that would intentionally terrify us," Mystery said, "Just yelling was enough to do that."

"Why did you react that way?" Twilight asked. "Griffons are hunters too."

"The quarray eels have a relative in the griffon lands. It makes a sound a lot like that. You don't want to hear it, if you can't fly away," Mystery admitted and shivered. "It's also quite a noise to hear in a closed room."

"Uh, considering what happened last time," Spike began, "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"What, every time he shows a cinema, there's a disaster?" Twilight asked, and considered. "Short of the sun exploding, or Celestia becoming an evil tyrant ready to lead Equestria in a campaign to turn the Big Guy's people into ponies, I think we've had all the disasters Equestria holds already."

"This is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!" Rarity announced as she entered.

"Miss Sparkle," Mystery said, "You really need to quit saying that."

She grimaced at him, and the giggling Spike.

Blinds, shades and curtains had been drawn over most of the windows. Derpy had arrived with Dinky, and brought along a tray of muffins to share.

"It's incredible mama!" Dinky enthused, "Like a cinema, but in your own house. No projector!"

Derpy grinned at her foal's enthusiasm. Does he seem a little down? she wondered as he arranged chairs and couches for all the guests. Derpy had delivered all the invitations.

"Trixie is he all right?" Derpy asked as the magician arranged the last pieces of furniture for ponies. Only one chair remained, his seat presumably.

"He's feeling a little fragile, I think. He's been hard to read lately," Trixie admitted. "I think the events, and a few people being too pushy about getting close. I think this is also a 'don't call us, I'll call you' announcement. He might withdraw a bit to rest and heal."

"Is it something I've done?" Derpy asked sadly.

Trixie shook her head. "You're one of the few who haven't been pushing. I think he likes that."

Derpy nodded. Lyra arrived next. "Sweetie Drops declined, out of sheer, stark terror," Lyra said and snorted in disgust, "He isn't going to eat us." She shook her head and chuckled.

Twilight, and the other Element Bearers arrived as a group.

"Dark in here," Applejack said. Then the lights came on. "Whoa!" she exclaimed as she looked around for the source. "It's like the walls glow," Applejack said awed.

"Naw," Rainbow Dash explained, "There's glowing panels up here. That's what lights up the room."

Twilight shook her head. "And that doesn't inspire anything?" she asked.

"Not really," Rainbow admitted.

"I really am not properly dressed for this," Rarity said, as Pinkie pushed her in the door. "I mean a meeting with their Highnesses. I should be in a proper gown."

"I think you look fine Rarity," came a warm voice that froze everyone.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight recovered, then noted the lack of regalia. "Princess?"

"When in Ponyville," Celestia said, got an odd smile, and took over Pinkie's job of pushing the paralyzed Rarity across the hallway. "We should go to the palace after this," Celestia whispered to Rarity, "All those long, polished, marble floors. Wonderful for sliding on."

Rarity emitted a nervous laugh.

"Is that popcorn I smell?" Spike asked.

"Oh would you listen to them chatter?" Discord complained, "I don't see why you're punishing me with this. And the griffons act like they've never seen a cinema."

With the weird technological levels of this place, I wouldn't wonder, he replied, Besides, this is a reward for you.

"Reward?" Discord exclaimed, "If I save you life, what do I get? Thumbscrews?"

I thought yours were riveted on, he replied as he sat in his chair. His lap was filled with a foal and Trixie's head. The female griffon sat on the other side. Celestia had claimed the large ottoman, and had Twilight snuggled up amid her legs.

"Of please, the cuteness is enough to make me gag," Discord complained. "If the movie isn't worse, can we start it?"

Done, he said, I just had to get past the commercials.

'Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam. Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face. It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.

When the wind's from the east and the sun's from the west and the sand in the glass is right. Come on down. Stop on by. Hop a carpet and fly. To another Arabian night.'

"Oh sand, wonderful, a documentary," Discord said. "How about we go back to going through papers?"

Patience Iago, patience, he thought and mentally chuckled. He tuned out Discord and started watching the audience. He'd realized that odd as it seemed, Luna had been trying to get his attention with her clumsy actions, as if she were a teen ager trying to court him as a grown up, or close enough. Well, Disney isn't the best in that regard, I think it will at least steer her into some more productive avenues than breaking in and trying to sleep in my bed.

The action was obvious enough without understanding the words. The expressions of the cartoon protagonists guided the others. Dinky cowered against him at the scarier parts. He stroked her coat and told her it would be all right. The most frustrating thing for the ponies seemed to be their inability to sing along with the songs. So that's how you torture a pony, he thought. He briefly tuned into Discord's grousing.

"Oh look, the carpet wants to be his friend. Bleech!" Discord complained, "Oh, the monkey stole the lamp! Wonderful lesson to these innocent creatures. Can we do something else?"

Whatever you do! Don't watch the next part! he told Discord as Aladdin rubbed the lamp.

"They knew about Discord!? And he's blue?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she fluttered next to the screen, and was shushed by the others. Lyra magically yanked her out of the way.

"Interesting," Mystery whispered.

"Shush, I'm taking notes," Trixie whispered back.

"Cadence," Celestia whispered to her fellow alicorn, "When you, you know, you'll have to get yourself an evil vizier. It looks like it makes ruling so much more entertaining."

"Is that why?" Cadence asked and glanced over at the Big Guy.

"In a way," Celestia replied.

"Not the core message of the cinema I think," Cadence whispered back.

"You two don't need to learn it," Celestia whispered, and pointedly glanced at Luna munching popcorn, seated as far away from the Big Guy as was possible. "So concentrate on the other lessons."

Cadence snorted her amusement.

"Egad what a horrible looking horse!" Rarity gasped and was shushed.

Celestia glanced down at Twilight who was watching with rapt attention. She nodded to Cadence, then at the Big Guy. He was, like the previous cinema, watching the ponies more than the cinema. Celestia was also aware of another pair of eyes watching them, but she could wait to deal with that.

It will be for the best to let that unroll properly, the Solar Diarch thought, My attempt was less than successful.

The rest of the cinema about daring escapes, true love, and freedom unrolled. Her Ponies' frustration at the eminently singable songs they couldn't duplicate seemed their only dissatisfaction. The monster seemed to be cataloging the others' reaction for his own analysis.

Dinky had fallen asleep in his lap the instant the credits rolled. Making all the ponies go 'aww' at how cute she looked. It reminded Celestia of how gentle he could be, to those inside his walls. And what a monster he can be to those outside, she thought, Poor Discord. I bet never saw it coming.

He carefully collected the mental fragments of Discord, and wrapped them in a cerebral blanket, before placing them in a warm, safe place in his mind. It worried him a little how quiet the Chaos Spirt had been once the movie started unrolling, but he also knew that Discord was still 'alive'. Getting Dinky out of his lap and onto her mother's back was an exercise in delicacy that Derpy appreciated. Somewhere along the line, Rainbow Dash let out a yelp and raced out of the house at top speed. As he and Trixie prepared to say their good byes, being 'beeped' by both Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence, Rainbow Dash zoomed back in. She dodged clobbering Celestia head to head, and rather than go head-first into a wall, was caught by the tail by her almost-victim.

"There's a bolter, missed the four-wire," he said of the absolutely mortified pegasus dangling from her sovereign's teeth.

Celestia set her down, and the mortified pegasus stood staring at Celestia in fear until Twilight said something about the parcel Rainbow had clutched to her chest.

Haven't seen much of her, he thought as the pegasus looked at Twilight, Twilight's expectant expression, and the amused expression of her sovereign. Poor thing is wilting, he thought as he fought not to add his laughter to the general amusement. Okay, enough's enough.

He carefully took the parcel from the unresisting pegasus and just as carefully opened it. He pointed it at Celestia as he pulled open the last wrapping, and acted as if he expected an explosion. When it didn't explode, he looked at Celestia's rather imperious expression, and the mortification on the other ponies. Cadence had left. Luna was practically growling at him.

"Hey, I've heard about your reputation," he accused the pegasus and pointed at her. There was general noise making and the pegasus wilted even more.

If Discord can be believed, he thought as he removed the book from the parcel. He opened it to a series of illustrations on aerial maneuvers. Okay, he thought as he reached for an encyclopedia of flight, then spotted the game instruction book. No, better, he thought as he pulled the book down and waved for the pegasus to follow.

Twilight heard Rarity gasp and looked over. From the machine the monster sat at came the 'chunder-chunder' sound, and from Rarity's came the sound of hail on a metal roof. The image on the screen shook, and Rarity pulled the little stick on the base in front of her sideways.

"Oh, Mister Monster, it is on!" Rarity growled.

"Hey! How come you didn't blow up!" Rainbow asked as she stood up from studying the little book the monster had set before her earlier.

"Some of us learn from other's mistakes," Rarity said as she growled at the monster, who responded with an 'all-teeth visible' grin back.

"I think he's saying there aren't any rules," Twilight said as she returned her full attention to her screen, and that Trixie hadn't spotted her. After the others had been enthusiastic enough at Rainbow's antics, the monster had set up the movie cinema machine to play the game, and hooked it into one of the boxes. So a pony could play against him, while two ponies played against each other.

Some of us watched how the Big Guy won, Twilight thought, And how he blew up Rainbow four times in a row, before bringing another screen and setting up the second pair of machines. And then he blew up Rainbow twice more before Rarity insisted on a turn. You come out of the sun. It's so simple. Twilight used her horn to touch the keys that let her look right, left and behind, before concentrating on the small dot that was Trixie. It would also help Rainbow if she bothered to look behind her occasionally.

"You know Trixie. I talked with Mystery, and my brother, and even Spike about it. While Spike's a little young, even he agreed."

"Agreed with what, Sparkle?" Trixie asked, as she stared intently at the screen.

Rarity's machine chundered, but the monster's had no corresponding hail on metal sound. Meaning she didn't affect him. "Oh I may have picked the prettiest one, but I am no pushover!" Rarity warned, but chundered again to no effect. "Grr."

Twilight tapped the keys and swung into a dive on her target. A little distraction, Twilight thought, All's fair.

"They all agreed that a mare who spreads stories about him being with her is the surest way to hurt him and turn him away from her. I know it was just boasts, but others won't. And he'll feel very betrayed."

"Huh!" Trixie gasped.

Twilight pushed a key, and her machine chundered. Trixie's machine sounded an explosion and Twilight touched keys so her aircraft climbed over the fireball where Trixie had been. Trixie's expression looked like she'd been in the explosion.

"Dirty pool, Sparkle!" Trixie said.

Twilight only gave an all-teeth showing grin. "Just a little truth."

The monster's machine 'fwooshed' and Rarity gasped. Twilight looked over at the monster's screen and saw two objects seem to race towards Rarity on the screen. Her evasive actions avoided the objects, but left her vulnerable to more standard weapons. He followed immediately with by monster's machine chundering and Rarity's machine sounding hail on metal, then an explosion.

"Speaking of dirty pool," Rarity said as she sat back. "I don't care if the game's rules do allow it, it's still not the way a gentleman fights."

"Is if he wants to win," Applejack offered.

"Okay!" Rainbow looked up from the tactical books. "I know what I did wrong."

"I'm sorry, but Fluttershy gets a turn," Rarity said, "You already died enough for one evening."

"Thank you Rarity," the yellow pegasus moved up to the keyboard and the little, movable stick set in a base. The monster came around and began cycling through the various choices.

"He'll take that upside down gull again," Rainbow complained, "You should take that one."

"That one," Fluttershy said and pointed to the image on the screen.

"It's rather ungainly," Rarity said.

"It's the only one with two windmills, instead of just one. I'd rather have two," Fluttershy explained.

The Big Guy stepped behind Twilight and his fingers flew over the keyboard. Making some arcane changes in the game.

"Whoa! This one's got four windmills," Twilight said.

He flipped open a small notepad and showed a whole set of controls the other planes hadn't used. Twilight tapped the controls and discovered that there were almost a dozen different ways to look out of the plane, and most had one or two sticks pointing out of them and a sight.

Ah, this one had lots of chunderers, she thought delightedly as the Big Guy familiarized Trixie with whatever he was setting her up with. She discovered the views could change as she swung the chunderers around, and the views were all over the aircraft. Ah ha! Each position only has one or two, so the real game will be how to approach so most of yours bear, and only a few of your opponent's. It should be easy to keep the arcs in my head.

The game started and Twilight tried out the controls. "No wonder this had chunderers all over its body, this thing maneuvers like a drunken hydra."

"You'll also notice all the status boxes have three digits," Trixie said, "Not like the four guns of our last planes, which only had two. No instant kills for either of us."

Twilight growled at the arrogant mare, but continued cycling through the views of left, right forward. I'm an idiot! she thought as she switched to the top chunderers, which swung in a complete circle, and the bottom, which did likewise. She'd occasionally return to the flight controls to keep the plane maneuvering.

"Fluttershy, aren't you supposed to blow him up?" Rainbow asked.

"You play the game your way, I'll play the game my way," Fluttershy said.

Twilight stole a glance at Fluttershy's screen. The blue, upside-down gull aircraft was maneuvering like a mad thing, but Fluttershy would follow it through the maneuvers and wind up slightly behind and to the left or right. Like a dog heeling it's master.

"She's already lasted longer than you ever did," Rarity teased Rainbow.

"He just knows the game better, that's all," Rainbow replied, but watched 'weak flier' Fluttershy keep up with the Big Guy with ease.

Twilight returned to watching her own screen. Then she spotted her target. All right, get above, dive and attack her belly, Twilight thought, That'll put only two against eight of mine. She spent a little time familiarizing herself with the sluggish characteristic of this new plane. I'm sure he set this up on purpose.

Twilight ignored Fluttershy's pleased giggling as she met her contest objectives, staying in formation through the Big Guy's frantic maneuvering. Twilight positioned herself and lumbered down on Trixie. She saw that Trixie's plane was the same as hers.

"Showing yourself at last, Sparkle," Trixie taunted.

Twilight stuck to her plan, diving below Trixie, then climbing. Before she switched from the flight control position, the little display began lighting up. Ha, they fire automatically, she thought happily, Better. She heard the hail sound from Trixie's machine, and watched little pieces fly off the aircraft. Twilight grinned, as smoke came from Trixie's aircraft, until several large objects dropped out of the center of it. And seemed headed straight at Twilight. Suddenly the lack of maneuverability was very important. She exploded, then heard Trixie explode.

"What were those things?" Twilight demanded.

"I don't know," Trixie said, "I just hit the attack button in the pilot seat, and you blew up."

"You dropped garbage cans on me," Twilight responded, then yawned. "I think this night has gone on as long as it can for me." The sudden ending of the fighting, and Twilight was feeling as tired as she had in a while.

Applejack yawned too. "Ah think ah'd better git back ta the farm. Early day today, or is it already tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't it be yesterday and today?" Pinkie asked from beside Applejack.

"Where have you been?" Twilight asked.

"Watching everybody play," Pinkie replied and grinned.

Twilight looked around the crowded room, with Applejack only able to get her nose in the door and Spike asleep in the bathroom. "From where?"

"Inside," Pinkie said and pointed at the collection of machines.

Within the air space between them, inside the machines, hanging from the ceiling, or . . . ? Twilight considered, then abandoned further consideration as bad for her mental health.

"Oh, I made these, and a message," Pinkie said and put down a couple of bookmarks. On the bookmarks was a drawing of the monster, a sketch of bookshelves, and a picture of the monster doing a 'You broke a Pinkie Promise' scene to a pony whose skeleton had been scared out of them and stood trembling beside the terrified pony.

"That's an interesting 'Ex Libris' comment," Twilight noted and looked at the other paper that had a picture of Rainbow Dash and a stack of books with arrows pointing to a picture of Spike and the library. Twilight's ears flattened as she stared at Pinkie. "I am the librarian."

"Naw, Capricorn, both of you, I'm sure," Pinkie replied, "Oh Twilight, hold still."

"O - kay," Twilight said and stared worriedly at Pinkie.

Pinkie held the other paper in her hooves in front of her and stared at Twilight pathetically, her eyes nearly tearing, her lip quivering and a look of abject misery on her face.

"GAA!" Twilight said and shied away, "I forgive you. What every you want!"

"Good," Pinkie said returning to her normal ebullient self, and stepped outside to a pile of books, and gave the monster the same treatment.

He picked out the two largest books, but put the 'Ex Libris' in the others and pointed at Pinkie.

"Oh," Pinkie said and held up a hoof. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she promised. Then stared at Rainbow and Twilight, "You'd better keep his books in good shape."

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Rainbow and Twilight both promised fearfully.

The monster seemed dubious of the whole affair, but put the seven books in a bag for Pinkie to carry.

"Thank you!" Pinkie said happily.

"Why didn't you take a turn on the game?" Fluttershy said.

"After Rainbow Dash got shot down," Pinkie began.

"Six times," Applejack said.

"I thought it would be more fun to read his library," Pinkie said.

"You read all those books in just a few hours?" Twilight gasped, "You can read his language?!"

"No silly, I just looked at the pictures." Pinkie happily bounced down the hall.

Twilight dashed after her, afraid of what she'd see. The bookshelves were undamaged and seemingly unaffected. All the books were in the shelves where they belonged. "What do you mean looked at the pictures?" Twilight asked, "These books haven't been touched."

"On the spines, all the funny lines. That one is about snakes going home to their grandmothers. That one is all about rulers and plumb bobs getting fat. That one is about scissors beats paper, or is it cigars beat moustaches?" Pinkie said.

Twilight looked at the titles on the spines, and the few pictures on the dust jackets and decided to let Pinkie think whatever she wanted.

"There's also a bunch of cookbooks over there!" Pinkie pointed to another set of shelves in what appeared to be a dining room. Along with cubbies filled with large pots, pans, and some machines were a collection of books in one cubby.

"How'd ya'all figure that one Pinkie?" Applejack asked.

"They're with all the other cooking tools right outside a kitchen," Pinkie said happily.

Applejack's eyes crossed. "I must be tired, that actually makes perfect sense."

Pinkie giggled.

10) Crystal Leather

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Crystal Leather

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 21

Trixie watched as he closed the door after the last of his guests left. The gentle smile he'd worn the entire time vanished like an ice cube on a griddle. Trixie considered as she followed him to the guest room where a hoof-thick, heavy pad served as her mattress. He changed the sheets and made sure she had a blanket or two, he gave her a soft smile which she returned, but as soon as he thought she couldn't see, his expression returned to weariness. He didn't even approach his own bedroom, instead returning to the living room to look at the couches and chairs.

Is he going to sleep out here? she wondered as she followed. But he just looked at the couches, seeing some detail Trixie missed, which made them unsuitable. As he moved from the cinema room to the living room, she took a moment to examine the couches and ottoman closely. They look, and smell fine to me . . . they shouldn't. They shouldn't have pony hairs, and pony smell all over them, she realized as she moved to follow him.

He stared at the chair in the living room. It and the coffee table were the only furniture that didn't bear the obvious stamp of ponies. Even the recliner in the cinema room had her and Dinky's scent and hairs on it. His calm deliberation frightened her. It's like that earth pony high-wire walker, she remembered the clown who'd act so terrified on the platform, then would do the most incredible stunts on the wire above the crowd. Then, she stumbled during a performance and fell into the net. Once her leg healed, she climbed back up, but couldn't make herself step onto the wire. After a week of crying jags, and self-recriminations, she went to her wagon to sleep, and never woke up again. I don't want him making the same decision, but what. 'Inviting' him to my mare's nest isn't what he wants. And I'm not strong enough to just fix the bed. She deeply considered what to do to help her friend.

From her own room in Canterlot, Celestia watched her 'prisoner' watching her self-appointed charge. And what do I do? she wondered, My every step has made it worse. But not everyone has made it worse. Do I risk what he could do to the ponies of Ponyville, and hope they can act without direct support? Or do I keep them safe, and keep misstepping? I didn't like them enjoying 'killing' each other, but they saw it as a game of skill, not violence. Perhaps aggression is acceptable in a controlled way.

Celestia looked around her bedroom and rang for the night maid. "Nicety Meadow, do you remember the accident with the jasmine and rose petal soap?"

The Earth pony mare cringed slightly. "Yes, Highness."

"Have my bed remade with those sheets," Celestia stood up, "Immediately."

"Didn't it make you sneeze, Highness?" the maid asked.

"Yes, but please do it immediately," she said, making the order absolute, but as gentle as she could manage. "It's important."

The maid left and Celestia walked through the cenotaph and into Luna's room. She smirked at the idea of the latest 'royal' intervention. I have trusted Twilight and her friends to do so much, Celestia thought, then considered the letters the monster had sent, Perhaps I should learn to trust my ponies. To offer some help, and let them solve the problem their own way.

Trixie felt not a compulsion, but a set of instructions and that they would lead to her solution. Inspiration, but . . . she thought, then looked at her exhausted, despondent friend, All right, perhaps Discord gave us more resources. She carefully took the tip of his sleeve in her mouth and tugged.

He woke up enough to follow her. She collected the bedding from her room and then returned to the front door. He was growing confused, but she stopped and nuzzled his leg and looked up at him smiling. Trust me, she prayed, Please.

He seemed too tired to argue. It hurt that he seemed so defeated, but she knew that soon things would be better. He followed her out to the hallway and locked the door behind him, then closed in where she waited beside the door with the messages written on them.

"Please," she said quietly to the door, trying to keep the 'poniness' to a minimum. When the door opened, she found herself following him.

She grinned at his cautious advance. Curiosity seems to have enlivened him.

He stepped over the parcel, and advanced in a crouch. There was a door at the bottom of the stairway they'd entered the middle of, but he climbed towards the one at the top. Then he reached the door, and ran his hands over the featureless structure. Trixie recognized the 'unicorn door' and found the latch buried within the door.

No lock, she thought, as the door clicked, and she let her horn glow illuminate. Oh Celestia?! As she and he looked at the cabinets full of stuffed animal ponies. She recognized some were historical figures.

Celestia walked into her sister's room through the private passage that she'd slowly filled with her memories. She ensured the door closed silently, giving the monster and Trixie a clear route the other way.

"Troubles Luna? I thought the movie had sad moments, but wasn't worth tears," she said quietly to her sister as she lay on her bed.

"I think you know what troubles me, sister," Luna said as she raised her head from where it had rested on her forelegs. "I despise fools, and I find I have been a bigger one than any before me." She raised her head and looked at her sister. "When Discord changed us, you felt different?"

"Yes, and not just physically," Celesta admitted and blushed. "In my mind . . . no wonder he seems mad."

"Yes, did you want to - be with him, that way?" Luna asked tremulously.

Celestia sighed, "At times, during those 'trust exercises', especially when he depended on my very breath to survive underwater. The need was almost physical. But even the most velvet seduction would be little better then rape, as he was certain I held his life in my hooves. That realization was almost physically painful," Celestia said softly, then smiled and nuzzled Luna, "It did let me understand my sister a little better." She stepped up to the bed and sat down beside Luna, draping a wing over her. "How could someone not wish to appreciate the beauty I had created? Or how could someone not see the beauty I was, and my gentleness and love? It hurt. It hurt in ways I understood as a one of them, but have difficulty grasping now."

Luna nodded then dropped her head back to her forelegs. Celestia waited for her sister to speak. She sensed the pair entering her room. Trixie led him in, and checked the obvious places for guards or traps. She almost smiled as he checked out the huge bed, and found the mattress unacceptably soft. Of course he stripped the sheets and found the quilts they insist on placing there, she struggled not to laugh as he reduced the bed to the way she dearly wished she could: mattress, sheet, top sheet, a few blankets, and two pillows instead of the dozens that always cluttered it. As if her Highness was fragile and would break without egregious padding. I wonder what they would think if they knew that Luna and I slept on the open ground under the sky for years. Trixie had spared a glance at the bed, but resolutely set her bedding in front of the door to the main hall, to block his egress through that portal. I guess back to Ponyville is acceptable, Celestia thought, listening to Luna breathe quietly, while in her mind's eye she watched the scene unfold in her room, And the gentleman sees to the lady's comfort before his own, she thought as both she and Trixie watched him use the discarded quilts and pillows to give Trixie a soft, warm place on the floor. He did steal one of his own sheets. The Royal sheet makers will be scandalized to find that royal sheets are too rough for a monster's hide.

Cadence heard the arguing nobles despite the closed door, and slipped into the throne room.

"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza," the herald at the door announced. Part of the attention and derision directed at the figure on the throne was redirected at her, but she just laughed at the morose ponies, and especially the unicorn regent who looked to be having the most dreadful day of his life.

"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza requests permission to directly address his Illustrious Serenity, the Regent of Equestria, Shining Armor," Cadence said formally and bowed to cover her just barely avoided bursting out laughing at Shining Armor's put upon expression. She straightened up and approached the throne, the glares of all the nobles fazed her not a bit. She bowed to the regent, resplendent in Celestia's usual regalia, "I wish to report that the mission seemed to be a complete success."

"Wonderful," Shining Armor said dejectedly.

Cadence considered. "Celestia did make you regent, that means you have absolute power of life and death over everypony in Equestria."

There was a brief pause as Armor visibly brightened, then the sound of a stampede headed for the door. Cadence glanced around and realized only the guards, the usual staff, and two of the more reasonable nobles remained in the room.

"We know there's only one pony he'd be interested in using it on, and if he did, he couldn't give the job back to her," Eminent Sardonyx explained, "Now, back to question at hand, your Illustrious Serenity. All we need you to do, Regent Armor, is order one of us to make the division, and the other to select which piece they want. I'm afraid it'll take a royal order to make the idiots go along with the plan."

"Fine, pick a number between zero and ten," Armor said.

"Six"

"Pi."

"Six it is," Armor said, "Sardonyx, consult with whoever you wish, except me, and draw your dividing line. Fructus Torus, you shall select the section your family wishes to possess. Thank you."

"Thank you, your Illustrious Serenity," Sardonyx said.

"Beep, your Regency," Torus said.

Armor watched them leave. He sighed. "The real answer is, if I started with one idiot, I would never finish," she said quietly, "Did they at least enjoy themselves?"

"Yes, I think Celestia also enjoyed that Discord was probably spinning in frustration that he didn't think of half the things the star of the cinema did," Cadence said as she approached up the stairs and stood beside him on the throne. "Looks different from up here doesn't it?"

"Like a gilded cage," Armor said, "Absolute power, and second guessing everything you do and say, either yourself or someone else."

"Well, is there an opening for your Captain of the Guard? I can shout orders and growl with the best of them," Cadence said trying to look fierce.

"It's keeping your cool in the face of absolute stupidity that you have to master," he replied, "You tend to giggle too much. That and standing in one place for eight hours without once thinking how much you need to go to the bathroom."

Cadence crossed her hind legs. "Oh, I think I'm underqualified," Cadence said suddenly.

"Back there, the green door."

"I couldn't," Cadence gasped.

"You should, just once," Armor assured her.

"Well," she walked through the curtain at the back of the platform, and in through the green door. She retreated a moment later. "I can't believe she'd have a bathroom decorated that way!"

"Why not?" Armor asked innocently, "If you cover it in gold leaf and have it done by a famous sculptor, isn't it art?"

"I will not have those in my bathrooms," Cadence said, and shook her head, "That's just creepy."

"To each his own. I thought they were there for target practice."

Cadence looked at her stoic fiance and his absolutely neutral expression. She broke first and giggled. "I can't see . . . no, I can, why do I have no trouble imagining Celestia flying around the room and . . . acting like an incontinent pigeon. She'd never really do that."

"Yes, but you can think about doing exactly that," Armor said, "A stallion would have other options."

"You didn't!" Cadence gasped.

"Of course not. But I certainly thought about it," he said quietly, "Oh how I thought about it."

Cadence leaned close and whispered. "I wonder if the nobles know."

"I think a few of them are aware, because the fixtures are occasionally changed out," Armor whispered back, "If she asks you to pose for a statue, consider if you've offended her recently or not."

Cadence burst out laughing.

The gentle knocking had drawn Sveti's attention as she'd slipped out of the 'griffon room' to get a drink.

The mint green unicorn at the front door looked very worried.

"Are you here to see Twilight?" Sveti asked, "She returned very late. Lyra wasn't it?"

The unicorn nodded. "I know, I thought Twilight would be best, but I think you're a better choice. Pack a bag for a few days. We need to go to Canterlot, in a hurry."

"Why?" Sveti asked as she let Lyra in and closed the door. The unicorn set her saddlebags by the door.

"A good animal behaviorist does certain things, like tagging her subject. He's in Canterlot, somehow, in the palace. How do you think the guards who've only heard stories are going to react to that?"

"Oh boy," Sveti said and rolled her eyes, "Do we fly, teleport or risk the doorway?"

"I had actually planned on taking the train. There's a doorway all the way to Canterlot?" Lyra asked.

"There are three," Sveti said, "But I don't think any of them are particularly safe. The train is probably a good idea. I'll go pack some things." Sveti rushed back to her room.

Luna sighed. "I discovered a nonmagical way to determine if charge carriers are positive or negative, I realized that the cello notes and the orbits of electrons are both ponthagorian intervals, I realized that using a dam's turbine instead of the reciprocating motion of our trains will vastly reduce the maintenance times, and I realized how and why he overreacted to what is to us such simple interactions. It was like having my mind open and naked to the universe. Wanting desperately to take it all in, or to hide from everyone and everything." Luna raised her head and looked at her sister snuggled against her. "Was it like that with you?"

"Yes," Celestia said softly, "And wanting to fight the others to have my sister's attention all to myself, or drive you away to be with one of the others without distraction. Sometimes both at the same time." Celestia laughed. "They accuse Twilight Sparkle of 'catasptrophizing' I could have jumped off a dozen slippery slopes, but the thoughts vanished as soon as they arrived. I wasn't sure if I'd become the goddess they paint me as, or if I'd gone mad. Or if there was a difference between the two conditions. Discord did us a great favor, letting us see the world through his eyes, the way the monster sees us and our world. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't gone mad. What?" Celestia reacted to Luna's expression and posture of alarm.

"Discord said, the Big Guy told him that he thinks this is an afterlife of punishment, that he died and this is what follows. And that all of us are also victims of our fears, keeping us here," Luna said.

Celestia smiled. "And you think the Big Guy wasn't just playing with Discord?"

"I think he's being honest with Discord, to gain his trust. I think he actually believes it. Or after all that's happened, he's come to believe it."

"That is disturbing," Celestia admitted and considered, a hoof on her chin. The thought of teasing her sister flitted through her mind, and left unacted on. "I think you should tell him, tell him all you told me. Let Discord translate. The chaos of the event and the distress it caused will probably force an accurate translation from him."

Luna looked shocked and covered her head with her hooves. "I can't."

Celestia nuzzled her again. "Yes, you can. He forgives, but you must be honest with him. If Discord is right, he probably thinks part of his job is to help us grow out of our 'damnation'. If you are open, honest, and in pain, he will try to help you."

It's the implication that if he is dead, then death has no importance that worries me, Celestia didn't say to her younger sister.

"I can't," Luna moaned.

"He's over in my room enjoying a nice nap. It would be perfect," Celestia told her increasingly stunned sister.

"He's sleeping in your bed?" Luna gasped.

"Well, I wasn't using it," Celestia responded. "You should just pop in for a moment while he's still awake, and let him know about things."

" 'Things'?" Luna asked and was trembling.

"Not those things, although that's your business," Celestia said thoughtfully, "You can try that shapechange again, that would help explain things."

"I couldn't," Luna said and cowered.

"Oh, my bed can handle it. And other things."

Luna stared at her. "You mean you've . . . "

"No, but I caught a few guards in there once," Celestia said and smiled, "They should finish counting the penguins in a few more years."

"That's cruel," Luna said with a snicker.

"They could have asked permission," Celestia considered then whispered, "And you have mine."

Luna paled to almost Cadence's color.

The train rumbled along towards Canterlot. The car was nearly empty and no one else was awake. Lyra concentrated as she tried to localize exactly where in the palace 'the monster' had located himself. Sveti sat quietly opposite her and watched. Her failure brought a sigh.

"There are plenty of shielded areas of the castle. Especially the living quarters," Sveti said, "After all, where most ponies have magic, and all ponies have secrets, there are places you don't want anypony to look into."

"It doesn't help that his interactions with their Highnesses have not gone well," Lyra said and grinned, "You could be a very good animal behaviorist."

"I'm a griffon studying ponies," Sveti said, "I already am."

"But this one is definitely not a pony," Lyra said, "I'm not quite ready to say definitely it is a human, since the few contraindication are very strong."

"Like what?" Sveti asked.

Lyra looked up from her spell casting. "It hasn't bonded with the pony most like it," Lyra said, "The old pony tales say that like attracts like. Trixie and Derpy Hooves are as unalike as you can get. So I'm left with, are the old pony tales just that, or is this not really a human. It also hasn't led a group of ponies on an adventure. Adventures either come to it."

"At him," Sveti corrected.

"Yes, or it, he stays at home, or adventures alone. Again, a strong contraindication, or the facts aren't passed down properly. Maybe young females are that way, and older males stay home and keep the house and raise the children." Lyra snorted in irritation. "I just wish I could ask. I understand how frustrated Pinkie Pie gets with him." She reached out a hoof. "The answer is right there, just out of reach. And straining will just push it farther away."

"Be patient. You haven't irritated him the way Pinkie and Sparkle have, and I don't think he's as frightened of you as he is the Princesses," Sveti said. "So, if I'm supposed to guard him, how do I do that without intruding."

"You just stay near without being as close as Trixie is, or Pinkie Pie tried to be. You also might want to practice your art where he can see. Maybe I could play a cadence and that will get him curious about both of us. His own curiosity is our best tool. By making him investigate us, it invites us to return the interest."

"Interesting," Sveti said and preened a wing to hide her grin.

Sleep had been avoiding him. He felt more exhausted than sleepy, and somehow that weariness kept the sleep that would relieve it at bay. That his mind raced endlessly in all directions about trivial worries wasn't helping. He was aware of Trixie watching him. She was nearly dead on her hooves but seemed unwilling to sleep if he wasn't. She's afraid I'll run away again, he considered.

The sight of Princess Luna entering the room drove any thought of sleep from his mind as he sat up. Trixie bowed and tried to burrow into her covers at the same time. The pony princess seemed alarmed at the panicked reaction of the two others. Her transforming from a mare to a beautiful, human female, one retaining horn, wings, and ethereally-blown hairstyle did nothing to reduce his adrenaline-fueled panic, and Trixie was staring open-mouthed at the figure.

"Someone is putting two and two together and coming up with three's a crowd," Discord said in his head.

She's talking, can you give me a translation, or a precis? he replied.

Luna had started speaking, but the words came faster and faster. Then a tear trickled down her cheek, then another.

Discord? he asked his 'head-guest'.

"Just hug her," Discord said quietly.

Excuse me? he asked.

"Just do it!" Discord shouted, "I'll explain later. Just trust me for once."

He looked at Trixie, who looked a bit like a beaten dog expecting another beating. He looked at Luna, whose words seemed to be tumbling out without rhyme or reason, and her tears had become a steady stream. He waved her towards him.

He was looking up at the ceiling, Luna still talking a mile-a-minute into his stomach, and he had the brief memory of barely avoiding a disemboweling with the horn on her forehead. The rest of Luna, legs, arms and wings were wrapped around him like a strangler fig around a tree.

I should be enjoying this, but her hysterical tone doesn't help, he thought.

"Hysterical might be apropos, in the original meaning," Discord provided.

Oh crap, he replied.

"No, relax," Discord told him, "It's more an apology and explanation that a declaration of war. I'll explain it, but I'm trying not to enjoy it too much right now."

That really doesn't help, he replied. He looked over at Trixie, and nodded towards Luna. The mare's eyes grew wide and she shook her head slightly. He glared at her and she slunk out of the safety of the bedding and over to the edge of the bed. She gave one last plaintive look, before carefully climbing onto the bed beside Luna. She stroked the princess's back and spoke softly. Luna quit speaking, and began to sob hopelessly instead. Then she returned to pony form. Her cries didn't diminish, but she quit shuddering with her sobs. Trixie looked a mix of apologetic and apoplectic, but continued offering comfort and reassuring tones to the princess.

He lay on his back ignoring Discord's occasional titter of laughter, followed by a door slamming and presumably, muffled guffaws, before the chaos spirit returned to listen further.

This is not shaping up to be a good day, he thought quietly.

Celestia noted the return of her sister, who lay down beside her and fell asleep immediately. She laid a wing over her and rested her head where she could watch her sister's dreaming face. It did her good, Celestia thought, Although I have no idea how even Discord could translate what she said at the end.

Luna snuggled against her, and made soft cooing sounds as she dreamed of better, simpler days.

She was drunk on being human? he asked as he lay staring up at the ceiling. Trixie had returned to her 'nest' and buried herself in the covers as soon as Luna had left.

"Intoxicated is a better word," Discord replied, "Look, ponies have no impulse control."

I've noticed that, he replied.

"They don't need it. If a pony seems random, it because they are a little more mentally active than the standard. But nopony will willingly walk up to the edge of a cliff they've looked over a dozen times, to look over it again just because. And nopony will even briefly consider jumping off that cliff, unless they can already fly. You would, and then you'd squash the impulse instantly. Ponies aren't like that. The randomest pony can't hold a candle to your brain. And if your memories are correct, you're considered steady and dependable. More Applejack than Twilight or Pinkie Pie."

Not that I think you're lying, but prove it, he replied.

"Okay, easy. When between the time Luna transformed into that beautiful female of your type, and her starting to speak, you had eight-hundred and twenty-three thoughts that went through your mind. Most were fully-formed plans of action. Leaving off those that involved sex, violence and escape, we're left with one-hundred seventeen. Taking a moment in that situation to actual consider where's the best Reuben sandwich in Canterlot is a bit random even for my tastes."

That's one, he replied.

"Okay, why the sudden interest in potassium permanganate and peroxide?"

Rocket fuel, he replied.

"I am not going to ask why the sudden interest in rocket fuel," Discord admitted, "You also considered the Equestrian Internal Revenue Service, whether her hair was powered by electrostatics or real 'aetheric winds', and the stress calculation on the horn growing out of a human skull. Enough examples?"

And that's huge difference between me and most ponies? he asked quizzically, So what was her problem? he asked.

"Luna isn't the randomest of ponies ordinarily, she's a bit more introspective, but she catastrophizes like Sparkle. If she didn't, she might have, well, asked someponies what they were doing sleeping through her 'beautiful night'. Their responses might have cured the problem. But she stayed with what she was 'supposed to do' and her doubts ate her alive."

Literally, he said, So a shapechanger didn't go 'down to the shop floor' and ask? Good grief!

"Are you seeing her problem? When she's human, it's like flying in a hurricane instead of walking. She's tough enough not to be terrified, but that makes it intoxicating. Thinking so many things at once."

Being Human, the ultimate acid trip for ponies, he said, Don't get any ideas.

"Oh, like making a plant that when eaten paralyzes your extremities and makes you think like a human for ten minutes. I'd never even consider such a thing. Should they be red, or blue?"

Good Lord, I've corrupted Discord, he replied, Make them black and white. Dull, like an old cartoon. Then they'll really stand out.

"I wish I could say the same," Discord said. "Speaking of weird thoughts, what is with you?" Discord asked disgustedly, "She comes in, beautiful, shapely, near totally human, wonderfully female, and so emotionally vulnerable and needy, and you play the eunuch uncle. 'There there my dear.' Why didn't you take the opportunity presented, no, thrust in your face? I watched. You discarded those impulses faster than the ones to jump out the window."

Why didn't you? he asked angrily, Twirl your moustache, no the other way, 'heh, Celestia my pretty, give yourself to me body and soul, and I'll leave your ponies alone.' 'Oh Discord, you are too cruel, but I will surrender myself to your foul despoilment if it spares my ponies.'

There was the sound of a bear trap snapping shut. "I'm no rapist, it's no fun that way," he heard Discord muttering as he stomped off.

Same here.

The maid entered and looked around quizzically. He noted that Trixie was not present. He looked to the Earth pony in the maid outfit, and emitted a stentorian belch. "Excuse me," he apologized to the wild-eyed mare. She stepped back out of the room, and closed the door. A moment later a dozen guards poured in and while some tackled him, others tried to drag him from the bed. The result was confusion, angrily shouted commands he was unable to interpret, and because of conflicting actions by the guards, unable to follow.

He weathered their panicked overreaction as best he could. As some pulled, some pushed and some just twisted whatever they got their hooves on. They settled on dragging him down the hall with his arms and legs at full extension and in joint locks.

That wasn't the smartest thing I could have done, he confided.

"You think?" Discord replied.

You're just jealous, he replied.

"Jealous? You just got beaten up and they're dragging you to the dungeons," Discord replied.

Yes, for eating Celestia or Luna, I'll bet, he replied.

"Oh course, that's what the maid shouted to the guards," Discord replied.

So, you had the power to do that, I only have a vague reputation and the maid thought it was the only explanation, and the guards instantly bought into it. Not that I was a bedwarmer that Celestia had exhausted and left while she was washing up, oh no. I overpowered and ate her. The idea that there was no blood or evidence of a struggle, and no evidence I have a belly full of 1000 pounds of horse meat, bones and feathers certainly adds to the story. It also doesn't say much about the judgment and logic of the Canterlot maids and guards, he thought.

"I think you're crazy," Discord replied.

You're entirely welcome to think like that, he mentally replied, I wonder if it's summary execution, or imprisonment and a trial. Can you imagine how Celestia would flip out if her ponies exterminated me for killing her?

"Aren't you worried about the 'killed' part?" Discord asked.

I'd be more worried about what leads up to the actually dying part, he thought, That could get really painful. I mean if they were going to kill me, they would have cut me open on Celestia's bed, not dragged me off to the dungeons. You know, there were instances where people didn't tip the headman, and he took a couple of strokes to chop off somebody's head. Can you imagine how painful that would be? I do wonder what happened to Trixie.

"I think you've completely lost it," Discord said.

No, this isn't dangerous, just ridiculous, he replied, So far.

Lyra exited the train and cantered down the nearly empty streets of Canterlot. Dawn was not even a hint on the horizon. Sveti flew easily behind her.

"We have to hurry," Lyra urged.

"Why, the rush. He's under the Princesses' personal protection," Sveti said, and reminded herself that this was not a friendly city for her.

"I don't look at what I want something to be," Lyra said, "I look at what is. And their Highnesses having had a good record dealing with him is not what is. Whatpony knows what could happen."

Sveti shrugged and followed the unicorn.

"I wasn't expecting this," Trixie said of the group in the red, hooded robes arrayed around her.

"No one expects the Stallion Inquisition!" the first hooded figure proclaimed, only to have the hood slip and cover his face, "Amongst our weaponry is -"

Trixie bucked all three figures. "Intelligence?" Trixie asked the unconscious Inquisitors and trotted back to the bedroom. "Canterlot Castle," she realized, "Has to be. Nowhere else in all Equestria has enough stupid ponies who'd steal a routine from 'Mountgomery the Oracle of Delphilly' and treat it seriously."

She paused as she saw the massive increase in the guard force and a number of detectives in and around the entrance to where they'd been sleeping. There was one guard and he was asleep. What happened? Trixie wondered and carefully wandered away from the scene, I know exactly where to get some information. She headed for a maid's cupboard she'd passed earlier.

"Regent! Regent!" the panicked functionary raced into the throne room, along with dozens of nobles. "We've captured a monster! He broke into Celestia's royal chambers!"

"Celestia must have been feeling down. The last assassin she captured, wound up as a footstool."

"No, sire, the monster subdued and consumed the Solar Diarch!" the functionary exclaimed. Behind him, the nobles began muttering in fear.

"Has Princess Luna been located?" Shining Armor asked, finding the entire story a little hard to believe.

"No, sir, but our first job was to alert you," the functionary exclaimed.

"Guard, find Princess Luna and alert her about this," Shining Armor told the soldier who'd arrived with the nobles, who stared back in fear. "Yes, private, now!"

"Sir," the guard saluted and dashed off

"Take me to see this monster," Shining ordered, but none of the guards moved.

"Shining," Cadence said quietly, "Even if it isn't true, you are the standing ruler of Equestria. They will not let you go into that kind of danger."

Armor glanced at the tiara on his head and nearly threw it across the room. "I want the condition of Princess Luna verified, I want the officer in charge of this creature's detention brought to me. And I want a good diagram or drawing of the creature in my hooves in ten minutes, or their will be dire consequences. Not as regent, BUT AS THE COMMANDING OFFICER OF THE SOLDIERS WHO LET DOWN THE RULER!" He found himself again nearly alone with the guards, a few staff and Cadence. "Hmm, the nobles think there's a draft. Interesting." He turned to Cadence. "Aren't you afraid of me?" he asked teasingly.

"Someone has to guard the Regent," Cadence said fiercely and saluted, then beeped him. "I seriously doubt that anything could have snuck up on my aunt and eaten her. Not without her leveling the building first. Relax, you didn't fail her."

Armor nodded. "I agree she wasn't eaten, but the nobles are going to be stirred up for weeks over this. And she'll have to live through that. That will be definitely be my fault."

Lyra cantered through the halls, the general chaos looked like Discord had escaped, and so blending in to the panicking crowds was easy. Sveti had put on a sash and a few accouterments from her luggage, explaining that she was now part of the griffon security service and therefore had diplomatic access to certain places.

"Then what am I?" Lyra asked as she let her tracking spell lead her toward the monster.

"Hired mercenary guard," Sveti said.

Lyra nearly laughed at that. Then she stopped and triangulated the locator spell's results. "Bad news, he's in the dungeons. The deep ones. I don't think even you can bluff your way past that."

"Fortunately, I won't have to bluff," the sergeant behind them announced.

Lyra whirled and then grinned. "Milestone, you old crazy," she said and hugged the stallion. "I wish we'd had time to have some tea in Ponyville."

"I'm afraid I have to draft both of you. Lyra, 'Svetlana', you both are a deft hand with a sketch pad, and I've got seven minutes to get a sketch in the regent's hooves."

"Regent?" Lyra asked as she galloped alongside the stallion.

"Their Highnesses wanted to be 'off' for the cinema, so they picked a unicorn to look after things. I think he'll gladly abdicate when the sisters are located."

"Regent of Equestria?" Sveti asked, "What poor sucker got stuck with that job?"

The collection of functionaries stood in a cloud before the door to Luna's quarters. As Trixie adjusted her purloined uniform and carefully swept her way towards the door, she heard brief bits of conversation. He didn't eat Celestia, she considered the murmurs, And these idiots are more worried about telling Luna than they are of the monster who ate their ruler. Whom does that speak worse of, Luna or the palace functionaries?

She pushed the broom along the baseboard, and these high-class ponies who wouldn't have looked at 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' twice, or let her through the press, parted to avoid close contact with a janitor. Trixie reached the door, pulled it open and to everyponies' shock, went inside.

Princess Celestia was on Princess Luna's bed comforting her younger sister. Both Diarchs raised their heads at Trixie's approach. Celestia recognized her in the maid outfit and began to smile.

Trixie cut off her greeting. "Highness, I deeply appreciate the loan of the bed for a night," Trixie said as she bowed, "But I think you'd better see some people before they execute the Big Guy for having eaten you alive in your own quarters."

"WHAT!?"

The stunned expression on both sisters' faces almost made it all worth it.

I wonder if those ponies understand what they've done, he thought as he hung from the four ropes tied tight to the rings set deep into the walls. Two on his wrists, two on his ankles and all in serious tension.

"I think they know they tied you up," Discord replied, "Although with a pony on each rope, I was half expecting them to draw and quarter you."

They still may, he thought and considered the metal 'hockey mask' they'd hastily cobbled together and strapped to his face, after they took all his other clothing. I was thinking more about what they actually achieved. This is a form of execution, one so painful and humiliating that they had to come up with a new word for it: excruciating.

"Do you have to discuss such maudlin things?" Discord asked, "I get that being hung by your wrists, with your arms at full stretch is pretty close to crucifixion. I think they did it, just like the mask, to keep you from eating one of them. And can we change the subject? You're getting extremely weird."

Sorry, I get distracted and mine mind wanders. I'll just clear my mind, he said,

"Thank you."

PAIN!

"Back! Back! BACK!" Discord shouted, cracking a whip. "Okay, let's stick with creepy maunderings and keep you nice and distracted."

Glad to. This is an excellent opportunity. There's a great disagreement whether a person dies of suffocation or dehydration. You see when they broke the legs it sped the death, so people assumed the legs supported the victim, allowing them to breathe. But some say you can breathe easily in this posture, and the broken legs sped death by fat embolism, and wound trauma. Here, I have tension pulling my legs down, so the weight factor is magnified. Not only can I get no support from my legs, they are pulling me down.

"Fascinating," Discord said, "Are you missing the whole 'execution ends in dying' part of this. And don't tell me that because you're in Hell, you will come back. I don't think you want to go out this way."

Certainly not. But this way usually took hours to days to kill. It was perfect to give everyone in a vicinity to go and see the suffering and death. I figure they'll have this all straightened out in a couple hours tops. Enough to give a good scare, but not enough to kill, he thought, And I would rather go another way. Much too painful. Okay, you want to change the subject?

"Absolutely," Discord replied.

What's with you and Celestia? he asked.

There was a long pause. "Can we change the subject back?" Discord asked.

Not as distracting, he told the Chaos Spirit in his head.

"You know, just for this, I'm getting you some powers," Discord said.

If that's a threat, it doesn't come across as a very good one, he replied, And it isn't a good distraction. I already have powers. How else would I be in this mess? You yourself said they think I ate Celestia. Speaking of Celestia, do you just like her or more intense feelings?

Discord growled. "You remember the humanoid who was playing chase that first day? That's what she looks like to me. There happy? I admit it."

I seriously doubt it's just on appearances, he replied, She and you are designed along a completely different aesthetic.

"All right, it isn't just that. Like you, she tried to actually convince me. Like you are, that there was a better way. But order like she wanted isn't just, yeech, boring, it's physically and existentially painful. But neither one of us considered chaos the way you described it. Even her high and mightiness couldn't exist in the world she was trying to . . . you tricked me again."

Like I said, there are good and bad tricks, and good and bad chaos. With 'good' and 'bad' being arbitrary points in a continuum, he replied.

"Like Sveti and Lyra suddenly bursting into the room, with sketch pads? Where's that in your chaos continuum?" Discord said of the sudden addition to the room, "Have you been messing with them too?"

I doubt it, he replied.

"Hi ladies," he called and tried to wave, "Hi sergeant, long time no see. Fun's fun, but I think this is stretching things a bit, don't you?"

"They can't understand you," Discord reminded him.

They can't see my face either, just the rest of me that is normally covered with clothes. I hope they recognize my tone of voice, he replied, And that I'm trying to communicate.

"Then why are they frantically sketching you, instead of cutting you loose?" Discord asked.

You're the one who is the expert on insanity, here it is, he told Discord, Either explain it, or enjoy it. I'm going to go back to speculating on strange words. You know, words themselves are a funny thing. English borrowed words from everywhere, so they have letters with so many different pronunciations. Gee aych oh tee eye, you know how that is pronounced?

"Ghoti?" Discord asked, seemingly only half-listening, concentrating on the low murmurs among the three Equestrians.

I'll stop if they're saying something important, he offered.

"It seems the current ruler wants a sketch," Discord said quietly, "And your friends think a good enough sketch will set you free."

I'm all for that, he said, And there goes the griffon. Godspeed. God this hurts.

"Yes I think Celestia is beautiful!" Discord shouted.

Is it breaking loose? he asked.

"I prefer you distracted," Discord admitted.

Good job. So what makes her prettier than other ponies. Slim lines, height, mane and tail? What?

"What did you find so attractive?" Discord replied.

Breasts, long legs, long hair, voluptuous figure and a cheerful, playful demeanor, he replied, Your turn.

"Aren't you supposed to stammer and be embarrassed?" Discord asked.

I'm hanging naked in front of a bunch of horses, one who was so excited on our first meeting that jumping out a second story window was the restrained reaction. Besides, anything you wanted to know you could go look for. And you already knew my standards for beauty, or you wouldn't have made the altered Luna, Trixie and Celestia look the way they did.

"Ah," Discord admitted, "What's happening, those two suddenly became gray. The whole room became gray."

Either blood loss or oxygen depletion. The color vision goes before blindness and unconsciousness. What it really means is I'm in worse shape than I was guessing I was.

"Bad?" Discord asked.

Could be. I don't know what's wrong, he replied, Or if it's just fatigue. Could be I'm need something or I have too much, there's lots of possibilities.

"Let's discuss them shall we?" Discord offered.

Anything to prevent you admitting Celestia is cute? he asked.

"She's not cute!" Discord said. The silence of his chagrin was quite audible.

'Not cute' leaves only two polar opposites, he explained.

"Remind me to cast a 'want it, need it' spell on you and throw you into a hall full of Canterlot's finest," Discord growled.

If they don't string me up, he thought, It'll be an improvement. Hey, how about a song.

"I'm not sure this is the right - "

"Nonsense, the ponies are always singing," he said aloud, startling those in the room, "I think it would be wonderful if in fifty years people get Convoy and Rocket Man conflated so they think they're in the same genre: the aloneliness of the long-haul hauler, wouldn't that be nice?"

"I think you're scaring the ponies," Discord said.

"She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero hour, nine A.M. And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then."

"Random's normally good, but less is more right now," Discord told him.

"I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife. It's lonely out in space, on such a timeless flight.

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'til touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home. Oh no, no, no, I'm a rocket man. Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone."

"Okay the color is back, but it's completely different and there's halos around everything," Discord observed, "I get the feeling that's not an improvement."

"And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'til touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no, no, no, I'm a rocket man. Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone."

"You're really scaring the ponies," Discord warned.

I finally understand why she sends Sparkle off on all those missions, Trixie thought as she dashed ahead through the corridors of Canterlot, then stopped to wait for the Princess. If she had to wait for all the bowing and scraping to end after she giving instructions, no one would be saved from the monsters. All we needed was a set of flipping directions. She glanced back to see if Her Celestial Highness had disentangled herself from the most recent set of nobles and functionaries who couldn't reconcile the princess standing there, and the rumors she'd been eaten by a monster. If I never come back to this castle, it'll be too soon, Trixie thought as she headed in the direction that last batch of soldiers had directed.

She had to wait at the next checkpoint, until Celestia caught up. Then the fawning over her began anew. Trixie took the opportunity to go through and race to the next point. Finally the cellblocks, she thought, These places don't look like they've been used for years. I wonder if the rumor she turns the incorrigibles to stone is accurate. If that's the case, Nightmare should have had a whole army to summon.

"Sorry," the Princess whispered to Trixie, once the fear, trembling and jumping up and down with joy among the guard force had ended. "Let us in," Celestia commanded.

"Highness, it's not safe," the soldier said, a mix of fear and respect.

The air was already dank, and the fear smell of many ponies was not helping.

"I must insist," Celestia said patiently, "Now."

The soldiers looked at each other, and reluctantly opened the gates to permit their sovereign access.

"Wouldn't a teleport be a better idea?" Trixie asked as they entered the cell block proper.

"It's well shielded," Celestia explained. "We could wind up inside the walls."

"Good reason," Trixie agreed.

They arrived quickly enough, and the sound was noticeable.

"They're torturing him," Celestia said in anguished tones.

Svetlana ignored the masses of ponies beneath her as she soared outside the walls of the palace. She spotted a walkway just outside the throne room and landed. The guards converged.

"Sketch for the Regent!" she shouted to them and brandished the drawings, so instead of arrest, she was hustled into Shining Armor's presence.

"You?" he asked quizzically.

"He's the Ponyville monster. His face was covered but the shading on the skin of his arms and the scars on his hands is the same," she told him as she passed the sketches to the officer who ran them up the stairs to Shining Armor and Cadence. "I'd suggest expediting his release."

"Do it," Armor ordered the guards. "Where's Luna?"

"Here," the Lunar Diarch said, as she slammed the door behind her to prevent the jubilant hosts following her from entering the already crowded room. "Celestia was with me. One day off and this happens?"

"You have my sincerest apologies and my immediate resignation," Armor said.

"No, you get to deal with them, Celestia and I will deal with the crisis," Luna said, then grinned, "Enjoy. Oh, you have a week's leave with full pay after your term ends. Ponyville sounds quiet about now."

"Yes, Highness," Armor said, "I may just stay there." He watched as Luna flung open the door and soared over the crowd that tried to surge in. "Both Diarchs have been located and are well. They are dealing with the current crisis personally. We should allow them to do their work unimpeded," he announced loudly to the nervous masses. He did the best service he could think of, as the influx of panicked functionaries was ebbing, allowing the chance that some would get out. He signaled the doors be closed and locked. "I assure you that you are all safe here with me." He raised his shield to prevent any of them from escaping to get under the Diarchs' hooves while those two actually solved the problem.

"Cut him down," Celestia ordered.

"No, Highness," Lyra shouted in alarm, then bowed, "Lowering him carefully will be better."

"When did you learn veterinary medicine?" Milestone asked.

"Talking with Fluttershy," Lyra admitted, "Highness we should get him on his feet, then Trixie and I can support his arms and let him settle. While a pony might not be harmed by an hour being strung like that, he's half our weight and half-again our size. The square-cube law definitely applies."

"Very well," Celestia's horn glowed and the knots untied themselves, but the ropes slackened then set him on his feet. The glow of Lyra's and Trixie's magic surrounded his arms as the ropes fell slack. The two let him drop to his knees as they lowered him, letting him rest his weigh on their support. He continued to collapse until he looked like he was prostrating himself before Celestia.

The Princess looked very uncomfortable at the display, and his ragged breathing. Once his arms touched the ground, he tied to fold them down. Instead he emitted a gut-wrenching cry of pain. Followed by some intense babbling than was clearly not hostile, and wasn't quite pleading. Celestia shied back slightly at the sight.

"Get the Royal Veterinarian in here, contact the griffon doctors, and the specialist who helped with Spike's raising. Don't delegate, do it yourself, and get then down here now," she told the guard commander. The mare nodded and galloped off. "Is it safe to move him?"

Lyra touched the side of his throat with a foreleg and concentrated. "Very iffy," she admitted, "Maybe Fluttershy or Zecora?"

"Trixie, you know the way," Celestia said.

"Teleportation would be quicker," Luna said as she stuck her head around the corner of the doorframe. Celestia looked back, then up.

"Too many ponies on the floor, and not many on the ceilings," Luna explained as she hung upside down, looking more like SpiderMare than a Princess. "Trixie, come with me." She levitated the mare and disappeared down the corridor galloping on the ceiling.

"Make him comfortable," Celestia said, she took a step forward, then shied back again. Her uncertainty over the situation playing on her face.

"You did nothing wrong." Celestia had never expected to hear those words directed at her, let alone by her sister.

Celestia hung her head. She was again in Luna's room, her own bed was the monster's resting place and she left the experts to work. "Then why with certain ponies do my best efforts turn in my hooves. A simple night's sleep." She spread her wings. "Under the benevolent aegis of the Pony Sisters." She furled them. "And this happens. Would we have been better off rubbing him with honey and garlic and throwing him into the middle of the Everfree Forest?"

"Perhaps you should take Discord's approach," Luna said.

Celestia saw Luna's smile before she raised an eyebrow to encourage her to continue.

"Stop helping. Let the currents take him where they will. The Everfree is a good example. He's capable of, even used to living in a much less controlled and protected environment. But that same control and protection has to be understood, or he runs into walls. The only time he really resented the other ponies' presence was when they were inside his house. That crazy comment from Discord shows that he needs a place to be himself, and then he can come out and play the off-kilter pony for the rest of us."

"Are you saying he doesn't need help?" Celestia asked, "He thinks Equestria is a punishment."

"Have we done well to prove that wrong?" Luna asked archly. "I threaten the one thing he desperately needs, your simple plans fly to pieces, and the few ponies who have been most welcome are the ones we all pass by, while we treat him as 'The Great Work.'"

Celestia chuckled at Luna's pompous tone. "Very well, what do we do?"

"Delegate. We let our best expert on the subject solve the problem for us," Luna said.

"Lyra?" Celestia asked.

"No, the Big Guy. He does understand he's a problem, and is already working to solve it. If he doesn't like something, he's shown himself quite capable of expressing his displeasure and resistance," Luna commented and mimed driving her hoof onto Celestia's horn.

Celestia winced at the memory of him driving his palm down on her horn, and glaring at her while his blood ran down her face. "Nightmare proved that as well," Celestia agreed.

Luna grinned. "I think Fluttershy guessed it, his task in life was solving problems. Most of the problems have been monsters, but now he's got another one. Now he knows he is one, we should let his expertise deal with it."

"Agreed." Celestia steeled herself. "Now I have to go and 'be disappointed in' the maid and the officer who caused all of this."

"Wouldn't it be more merciful to just shoot them?" Luna asked and shuddered.

"Pinkie hasn't built the party cannon big enough for them to load inside," Celestia said.

Cadence walked through the hallway towards Celestia's quarters. Shining Armor was waiting until Celestia 'had a talk' with the ponies who started this. When last seen he was practicing his icy stare. I finally understand why that mirror is polished steel instead of silvered glass, she thought as she saw Rarity trying to calm two Ponyvillians who were nervously pacing in interlocked figure-eights around several baskets of coat, mane and tail care products.

"Hello Rarity," she called out, and beeped the nervous fashionista. She was glad Rarity could unwind and beep her in return.

"Your Highness, I am so glad we could be of assistance. Although I admit, I never thought my talents would be put into practice this way."

"Trixie noticed it, and Lyra figured out the specifics. It makes sense that a creature without a coat would want soft, smooth bedding. I imagine that what we consider acceptable would seem like burlap would to us," Cadence said and looked at the nervous ponies, "I apologize, I haven't made your acquaintance. I'm Cadence."

"Aloe," said the light blue with a rose mane.

"Lotus," said the rose with the light blue mane.

"They helped, well, make the ponies softer," Rarity offered.

"Softer?" Cadence asked.

"Yes. Derpy and Trixie pointed out, and Fluttershy and Lyra agreed, that while he might not want people traipsing through his home, he always enjoyed having a group of ponies to look out for him in another venue. Typically when recovering in a hospital. I added that if he was so sensitive to the roughness of the fabric, he might appreciate a softness of the ponies. I also think the scent of the sheets, jasmine and rose would help calm him. Scent can be a very powerful memory trigger."

"It's good to know, and I'm sure much appreciated that he has such friends looking out for him," Cadence said, "What was the cause of his troubles this time?"

"Dislocated knees. He was fine when they were being pulled on," Rarity said, "But when he put weigh back on them, they must have hurt terribly."

Cadence grimaced. "Well, are you staying the night? I'm sure you'd be happier in quarters, rather than pacing the halls."

"Thank you," Lotus said.

"But we might be needed," Aloe added.

Rarity grinned and shrugged.

Cadence nodded her understanding and turned to head to her own quarters. Still one person to talk to.

"I need to check something," she said as she sat down beside the door and concentrated. She was overjoyed to see most of the relationships in the web of feelings around the Big Guy were strong. Trixie even allowing Lyra the position of bolster/pillow while she concentrated on a few low-powered healing spells on the wounded legs. The relationship she'd been most worried about seemed strong, if strangely convoluted.

"Hello," Cadence called in the oddly empty mental architecture. It looked like the inside of a normal pony house: rugs on the floors, plenty of windows, pictures and cabinets hung from the walls, even a set of stairs leading to the upper floors. The problem was, there were no walls, no floor and no ceiling, but everything acted as if there were. She walked over to the windows and one looked out at a very pleasant meadow. The one right next to it looked out at the sea amid a terrible storm. The windows on the opposite wall looked out on what she guessed was the moon, and the sun. The glass was rather warm on that side.

Discord walked out wearing matched slippers, which were jarring on his mismatched feet, a smoking jacket that was still smoking, and a beret hanging from one horn. Behind him was a table that used it's multiple legs to walk. On it was a very elegant tea service. "Hello, welcome to my home away from home. The neighbors are scary, but once I made friends with the artillerymen, they don't give me much trouble."

The table walked up beside her and the teapot and cup did a dance that wound up with tea in a cup.

"I'm stealing from Yen Sid, sue me . . . strike that," Discord said. "What did I do to invoke your attention?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Cadence said, and sipped the tea, it was strong but sweet.

"Oh, he terrifies and intrigues me in turns. How much of what I told Luna filtered down?" Discord asked. He added a bit more sugar to the tea. A pink mushroom cloud exploded over it. Then he sipped it and made a face. He put that face over his own, fortunately it was smiling.

"That he needs some privacy, and thinks he was damned here," Cadence said. "I'm not sure if that's a persecution complex, or just crazy. But after what happened today, I can't say he's absolutely wrong."

"Well, today taught me why someponies don't adore chaos," Discord admitted, "And highlighted why he was harping on 'life-affirming' chaos. It's tedious, but terrifying." Discord considered. "How is Celestia taking the incident?"

"Blaming herself," Cadence said.

Discord snorted disgustedly. "Some people are beyond her control," he said flatly, "She needs to learn that."

"I think she is," Cadence said, then grinned, "Should I tell her you asked?"

Discord blushed, then seemed to gather himself. "If you think she needs to hear it."

Cadence raised an eyebrow at that, but continued, "Any advice for Luna, she's taking it rather hard as well."

"Yes, drag that bed out of the Pony Sister's castle and put it in his house. It doesn't get any simpler than that. Half the guards saw him naked, and figured out he's of interest to all the alicorns. So no surprise there." Discord considered. "Can you do me, and Celestia, and Big Guy a favor?"

"I'm certainly willing to hear it," Cadence replied.

"Just to really quash any rumors about exactly what was going on in Celestia's bed while he was sleeping in it alone. He did eat Celestia. At her request, and she cut her way out with her horn. Combat training."

Cadence tried to just snicker, then guffawed. "Oh, that is infinitely worse that some of the rumors kicking about. And I think I can get Shining Armor to officially deny it. That'll give it even more weight. But how do you explain no damage, and no blood?"

"They cleaned it up," Discord said. "He was just resting after the events and she was showering up, or bathing, whichever. He went along with the guards because he thought it was another test. You know, master of escape and unpony-magic, slayer of Tyrants. Celestia just wanted to be sure if she ever went 'Nightmare' somepony could stop her."

Cadence was still snickering. "I think I will drop that information in a few appropriate ears. Better than that the alicorn sisters are in season. You can imagine what the nobles are terrified of if Celestia has more offspring."

"Puts them further down the power ladder. Not that any of them would ever get more than a sniff of the throne. You, Luna, and a half-dozen others have better claims, and worse, you could work it out without a full-fledged war. The nobles would fight each other for a dozen years. You've got all the factions you need for a very messy, very ugly civil war. The Three Kingdoms period has nothing on the factions now," Discord said, "If I'd really been on my game in my 'evil' phase, I would have eliminated the Windingos and let the ponies keep going the way they were going."

"I'm glad you didn't." Cadence considered. "Where are the old kingdoms any way?"

"Out of easy reach," Discord said, "You have enough things to worry about."

Cadence nodded. "Is he going to get better?"

"I will do my best. A few days with no excitement may not do me any good, but they might do him some good. As well as a few ponies who might miss him when he's gone."

"I thought he thought he wouldn't stay dead," Cadence said.

"He still might not come back here," Discord pointed out. "That's my leverage."

"Good luck," Cadence said, and meant it.

Cadence shook her head as she returned to herself. My link with Discord is a little worrying, she thought, He seems to have changed from what my aunts described, but how much is real, and how much is him playing games with me? she wondered as she nodded to Rarity, Lotus and Aloe and continued to her quarters.

Celestia stood with the maid and the guard lieutenant who'd instigated the incident. Shining Armor stood impassively in the corner, letting her begin the work. She'd decided she needed to make an example of the two of them.

She bowed her head low, almost to the floor. "Again, I'm very sorry for having put you both through such a traumatic experience, by just going off for a single night to see a movie. If I'd know this would happen, I would never have considered such a reckless and selfish course of action," she said in a truly apologetic tone.

The maid mare looked like she'd have to be put on suicide watch, and the soldier stallion looked like even if Shining Armor recommended a firing squad it would be better. To Celestia, it was proof they were worth saving.

"I am glad to tell you that my guest also forgives you this little misunderstanding," she said sadly and dug her hoof into the carpet nervously, "He's wonderfully tolerant, but is very disappointed in my promise that he would be safe under my own wings as it were, after all the trials and troubles he so nobly strove against. Imagine facing all of Equestria's greatest foes alone and unafraid, then being dragged from your bed in Canterlot Castle of all places. But he took it in stride." She shook her head. "What a sad life he must have lead to accept a such failing by a friend and not hold it against her." She raised her head and looked at the two who stood there miserable and nodding. "He actually thought it was funny, that he'd attack me in my own quarters, and that my subjects would actually think he could win." She shook her head. "What a lack of trust and friendship he must be used to. And I was hoping to show him Equestria was different." She sighed despondently. She looked up. "I am sorry, I shouldn't burden you with my problems. I sincerely apologize."

The two just nodded miserably.

"I shouldn't take up any more of your time," she said and nodded to both of them. The stallion was openly crying and the mare looked like she was ready for the world to end.

Shining Armor knew applauding would have undermined everything the Princess was trying to accomplish. She'd also looked so disconsolate as the walked out trying to 'act brave'. I thought I could do the 'you've disappointed me' to break even a veteran soldier. That act of hers would draw tears from a stone, he thought as returned his attention to the two victims of the performance. And it is a vast improvement over just screaming at them like a mad thing. It also quickly sorts out those you want to keep from those you ought to throw away.

"Ma'am, report to the chief steward," he said, and the maid let out an anguished wail before running from the room.

That idiot will just scream at her, she'll cry, and then her friends will all cluster around her, Armor thought, This one is mine to finish. He noted the tears streaming down the stallion's face from essentially being told her Solar Highness couldn't take a day off, or invite a friend to her quarters because of him and her.

"Corporal, I have just a few questions," Armor asked in a controlled tone. The former lieutenant didn't bat an eye at his sudden demotion.

"Sir." The stallion saluted, but couldn't get his tear ducts to obey.

"Are you aware that you violated long-standing orders that upon discovering anything unusual in their Highnesses quarters, the officer of the day is to be informed?"

"Sir, yes, sir."

"Perhaps I should have made the order more clear. Posting it outside the day room in hoof-high letters was perhaps insufficient? Or is it that you assumed your soldiers would follow the rules so you didn't have to delegate? That's the way a corporal acts, leaving the sergeant and the officers to do the thinking. A lieutenant is paid to think. While a sergeant is there to point out where that thinking has led in the past." Armor faced the defrocked lieutenant. "How were you thinking? Like a lieutenant, a sergeant, or a corporal."

"Sir, corporal, sir."

"Now if something that could have taken on the Solar Diarch had been in there, what would have happened to your squad? Would any of them have survived long enough to warn the rest of us?" Armor asked reasonably.

"Sir, no, sir," the despondent corporal said.

"You're learning. When you learn to stand back and think for a moment, then you can try to be an officer. Now, go move your gear from the bachelor officer quarters, to the noncom barracks."

"Sir, yes, sir." The stallion saluted and dashed away.

At least he gets to be punished, Armor thought, I have the most disastrous regency in recorded history, and it was only for one day. I think I will go to Ponyville. Maybe Twilie needs another assistant. Maybe something in the Everfree will eat me.

Rocket Man
Songwriters: Elton John, Bernie Taupin

11) For Services Rendered

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - For Services Rendered

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 22

I'd really like to know why I'm always waking up in hospital amid a pony pile, he thought as he heard the quiet conversations and felt the soft fur on most pieces of his exposed skin.

"They know you need to feel safe," Discord provided, "Mares tend to take the initiative in defending their families. Besides, they think you make funny noises when you sleep happy. Big scary monster plays the cuddle bug and makes sounds like a happy puppy. They love it."

He kept his grumbling low so neither the ponies, nor Discord heard it.

As soon as he moved he was surrounded by happy voices with noses and hooves touching him. He ignored Discord's laughter at his slight discomfort at this devotion.

Discord looked down at the piece of mental debris and kicked it across the room. It didn't make an amusing sound, it didn't start bouncing around like a superball, it flew a distance until it hit the ground and then rolled a little ways farther. He glared at it and it vanished. He stalked around the area. It wasn't rotating through all three axes because he didn't want it to. It wasn't full accordion snakes, because he didn't want it to be. It wasn't full of government bureaucrats being strangled by red tape by gleeful taxpayers, because he didn't want it to be.

"I should be enjoying this!" he shouted. "His mind is slowly disintegrating, the pressures of the place have finally cracked his shell and he's going slowly mad," Discord shouted happily.

"BUT I DIDN'T DO IT!" he wailed disconsolately.

After several minute of crying, followed by monkeys shoveling all the corn flakes into baskets, Discord sat in his favorite chair. It was the first, unsolicited gift anyone had ever given to him. He'd extorted things from ponies, griffons, dragons, and others. Even Celestia had asked first. "But no one ever just gave me anything," he said of the chair, then looked around the environs. "He even gave me a private place in his head, so I could be alone if I needed to me. The one thing he treasures, that is denied him, and he makes sure I have a place I can be alone if I need to be." He looked around.

"But I don't want to be," he shouted, and a second Discord appeared.

"You're just jealous that Celly has pushed him over the edge, and by trying to help," Discord II said.

Discord snapped his fingers and was alone. He snapped them again and faced a crystalline being, perfect in plane and radial symmetry. "Oh, hello Tom," Discord said, "Or are you going to go 'Me Bizzaro Discord'?"

"I fail to see how that would benefit you or your cordial host," Tom said. "The problem is twofold. First, professional, you were bested, by an amateur who wasn't trying. Second, you don't really want him to go insane. A small amount of crazy was good. Completely off the rails is bad, and it interferes with your shtick."

Discord raised his hand.

"I can only tell you the truth," Tom said.

Discord dropped his hand, reached down to pick it up and considered. "So, I have to save him. That's almost not possible. It'll void my warranty. I'll have to tear up my Villains Unanimous membership card!"

"No, you aren't saving him," Tom said calmly, "You are making sure that he provides a small but steady stream of chaos that is palatable to the ponies, and therefore sneaks in under their radar."

"You realize the readers are already complaining there's no radar here in Ponyland," Discord said.

"To quote General Pierre Cambronne: 'Merde'," Tom said, "He knows it, therefore we know it. You are assuring maximum absorption of chaos by the ponies. Nothing more."

"Not telling me, I might miss my widdle fwiend?" Discord heckled.

"No, sir. Just the clear and practical reasons," Tom said, "You can save your friend. You can save an entertaining source of chaos. Or you can allow a golden opportunity to slip through your fingers."

Discord set his legs to pacing while the rest of him remained in the chair. "All right," he said, and snapped his fingers. A book labeled 'Culture Shock' and another labeled 'PTSD' appeared. Before they floated over to Discord, Tom intercepted them.

"Perhaps you should let me do the reading, and planning. You should concentrate on something not in these books."

"What?" Discord asked.

"An equalizer, and more importantly, a way for you to touch the outside world," Tom said, "And you'll have to spin quite a tale to get him to go along with it, even addled and off-kilter as he is."

"True," Discord tapped his fingers together, sounding like a xylophone. "So very true."

"Don't forget, we are also trapped inside here with him. That door will hold against most threats, but if his madness creates constructs, they will be as real to us as real objects are outside."

"I already considered that. Which is why I knitted a tank, and asked the artillerymen for help," Discord said, "Never thought I'd owe my safety to being able to make baseball plates. Baseball cups and saucers yes." Discord stared at Tom.

"Out of steel wool, I already guessed. I suggest you forge the outer plating with an MCHammer. That will deflect the attacks away," Tom said, "I'm more personally worried about that Rupert Antilles fellow, I doubt I'd merit the Greater Antilles."

"It would drive a wedge in their family." Discord tried to look cute, "He wouldn't hurt me, would he?"

"There is the off-chance he might not be able to tell, or he might not be able to control those aspects of himself," Tom said.

"So it's self preservation, that's the best reason yet," Discord said. He looked at the crystal. "What do you get out of this?"

"He wants to be a good officer," Tom said, "A good officer needs a batman, and a good Batman needs an Alfred."

There was the sound of a set of tubular bells being kicked down a flight of stairs.

The throne room was everything he'd expected. Should I be terrified or overjoyed, or both, he thought as he sat in a chair at the far end of the throne room while Princess Celestia sat on her throne discussing events.

Three lines, he considered the defensive layers, So who is being protected from whom? I wouldn't last ten seconds against her. So is it the crowd who are 'the other'? Or is it all theater?

The doctors had made it clear he wasn't well-healed enough to walk any distance. So Trixie had proudly played steed to bring him to the throne room. Got to hand it to her, she managed to turn a servile action into pride-worthy privilege. She sat on his right, with Lyra on his left. The temptation to scratch them behind their ears was almost too much to take. But reducing them to moaning puddles in the middle of a Royal Ceremony would not be a good idea, he reminded himself. Derpy and Dinky were ahead. Just beyond them in a rough semicircle were the Elements of Harmony. Then a line of guards. The crowds of functionaries and shining lights of Canterlot were beyond them.

Are you listening? he asked.

"Not particularly interested in the 'brave battle' you already lived through. So far, she's got most of the facts right," Discord said, "I'm having more fun watching the nobles freak out about how close things came."

If I haven't thanked you for your help, let me do it now, thanks for taking the risk and helping us.

"I never did like Nightmare," Discord said, "But when we get a chance, there's a few things you need to know about Nistag. But not when the others are around."

Celestia revealed a stained glass window. On it were the Elements facing a collection of the villains. All the villains looked mesmerized, and he was on the window 'gesturing hypnotically' at them.

"That's not quite the Medal of Honor, but it's above a DSM. Sparkle and the others got one for taking me down. And I wasn't playing then," Discord said with a trace of pride.

The Element Bearers watched the crowd surge towards the line of guards. While they kept smiling, they were clearly not eager to be mauled. Trixie and Lyra watched the area compress as the crowd pressed forward.

Would climbing out of here like a monkey be considered out of character? he asked.

"I think Luna and her guards are here to rescue us," Discord said as the Lunar Diarch landed behind the guards with a dozen additional pegasi guards of her own.

A moment later, they were in another room. The nervous mares thanked Luna for the save. He nodded his own agreement.

"Don't get too happy, the party will be held in here, and the crowd will be thinned a bit, not eliminated."

Let me just hobble over to the window and jump out, he replied as waiters and others escorted them all to their places at the table. He took the opportunity to scratch both Lyra and Trixie behind the ears until the two nearly liquified.

Rarity was where she truly belonged, among the elite of Canterlot society, at table with the Princesses, although one was ten paces away and the other a hundred and fifty, and Rarity was talking eruditely with the creme de la creme of Equestrian society. Why then am I so miserable? she wanted to ask somepony.

"Look at that, actually touching the food with his hooves," the society matron beside her scoffed at the Big Guy as she levitated a spoon full of soup to her mouth. She didn't slurp it, but the lip smacking afterward was most irritating.

"Well, he doesn't walk on them, and he washed them before eating," Rarity offered to make conversation.

"Barbaric," the matron replied, "Those pegasi have the decency not to touch the food. Unlike that yellow one."

She just praised Derpy's and Rainbow Dash's table manners over Fluttershy's, Rarity realized and had some trouble squaring it in her mind.

"You should set your sight higher, dear," the matron on the other side of her said. "He might be fearsome, but such stallions are rarely fearsome where it counts," she said and both matrons on either side tittered.

Rarity looked around for her friends, scattered along the ridiculously long table. She smiled at the jokes, but kept wondering, Do they know who I am? Would it make a huge difference?

The ponies sitting across from her seemed as thoughtless as the two she was sandwiched between, and just as sharp tongued. Rarity prayed for strength not to have a blow up like her experience at the gala. She also heard several not too delicate slurs about the Big Guy and his physical form, as well as his distant ancestry.

"They throw poo at ponies, I'm just glad he hasn't done that yet," the hinny on her left said.

"Probably because he was too busy destroying some of our people's greatest enemies," Rarity said sweetly, "After all, why mess around with throwing poo, when you could be going hoof-to-hoof against Discord?" She grinned knowingly at the two noticeably green matrons. "And don't worry, if Twilight Sparkle and her team can get the translations, you should be able to ask him to refrain from that behavior yourselves," she added happily. "Of course you have to do it gently. I heard that the reason he swallowed Celestia whole was she made some disparaging gesture at his friends. Of course Celestia wasn't going to stand for that, so she - "

"Yes, we heard," the right hinny gasped.

"Can't be true," the left-hand hinny added, "There would have been remnants of a fight."

"Perhaps," Rarity said, and seemed to consider, "Or they could have cleaned it up before the discovery." Satisfied she'd shut up the gossipy hens, Rarity enjoyed the meal the royal kitchens had produced.

Twilight looked around the table, and felt alone. Look at Rarity, chatting with the nobility and having the time of her life. Rainbow's just enjoying the food. Am I the only one who thinks it isn't over? That there's new dangers ahead? she wondered. She glanced down the table and Applejack had remembered enough of her 'Orange' training not to embarrass herself, and Fluttershy what being demure and alluring near the far end of the table where Luna sat. The Big Guy is tolerating all of this, she thought, The smile never reaches the eyes, which are a predator's. He's expecting trouble, and half the asides I've heard are not good for him.

She glanced over where Shining Armor, Cadence and her mother and father were all chatting happily. But she was too far away to participate. I'm surrounded by the very kind of ponies who convinced me that 'friendship' wasn't worth pursuing, she smiled as best she could at the fool across the table who was holding forth on his own theories of why the 'Ponyville Monster' had blundered into the collection of Equestria's greatest villains, and the Elements of Harmony had to save him.

I wonder what that blowhard would say if he knew I was an Element of Harmony, Twilight thought, And to think, I used to feel terrible about 'ruining the dreams' of the ponies at the Grand Galloping Gala. She listened, smiled, and wondered how she could apologize to Celestia, so she never had to go through this again.

"Then I told Margaret, next time you eat that handbag, bring the tuba player with you," Discord provided a translation. From the hopeless expressions of several of the Element Bearers, and the 'eating ground glass' expression on Trixie and Lyra's faces, he suspected he was the only one of the guests of honor having a good time.

Too bad you can't broadcast this on a subchannel, he told Discord, I think that might make things more bearable for the others. Although, if they started laughing like loons at these stuck up ponies, it might require a lot of explanation.

"You should be glad you can't understand this. You'd be swinging from the chandeliers and firing a machinegun at them," Discord replied.

Could be worse, he reminded the Chaos spirit, You still have a refuge, the others don't even have that.

"True, or if you could write better, you could laugh at some poor schlub's jokes, and then write that the way he tells the joke is funny," Discord replied.

What I really wish I could tell them is that I enjoyed the salad course, but when's the entree being served? he replied.

"Horses, remember, the 'entree' was two courses ago," Discord replied.

I wish I thought you were teasing me, he replied, At least Applejack seemed to be enjoying herself way down in the military section of the table.

"Armies march on their stomachs, and businesses are as much logistics as campaigns are," Discord added, "Oh krenets! It's speechifying time! Those walls are soundproof?"

Both ways, he replied, and heard a slam as Discord retreated to his scheming, planning, 'whining, moaning and complaining' room.

He waited for the next two hours and forty-five minutes for the tedium to end, and wondered how he could apologize to Celestia, so he'd never have to go through this again.

"That was a party?" Pinkie Pie shouted in utter frustration, as she returned to the suite she was sharing with her friends. "The rock farm was more fun than that!"

"You behaved yourself admirably," Rarity said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I want to go soak my head."

"We might be of some help," Aloe said, as she and Lotus stepped out of the large bathroom. "It seems the Princess knew that you would be in the need of some care." The two spa ponies laughed.

"Please tell me you two dears were not in attendance," Rarity said sympathetically.

"Oh, we were. There's a gallery above, where the chief butler and steward keep the events running smoothly," Lotus said, "Such juicy gossip."

"Next time that's the part of the party I want to attend," Rarity said, as she let the pair guide her to a soothing of the evening's frazzlement. She nearly hit the ceiling when Twilight squealed.

"An invitation to a sleep over with her Highness!" Twilight yelped as she Pinkie bounced around the room.

Trixie burst into the room, holding a suspicious piece of paper. "A sleep over with her Highness," the showmare wailed, "Whatever shall Trixie do?"

"Come with me," Twilight said happily, "I've got one too."

"Why do you two get a sleep over?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Because you got something else?" Fluttershy offered, "I got a tour with the Royal Groundskeeper tomorrow morning." She displayed her paper.

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash asked, went into her room, and raced out, "This, this this, this!" she stammered as she held out the letter.

"Better than a sleep over?" Applejack asked.

"An entire day flight clinic with the Wonderbolts!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She sobered. "Why a flight 'clinic'?"

"Maybe so the Big Guy won't blow you up next time you play against him," Fluttershy offered, and smiled.

"He just knows the game better," Rainbow exclaimed.

"But Fluttershy didn't get blown up," Pinkie Pie pointed out.

"What did you get?" Rainbow asked.

"Hmm, should I tell, or shouldn't I?" Pinkie considered, "Nope, it's a secret, good night!" Pinkie was through the door to her room and closed it behind her.

"I gotta know!" Rainbow Dash tried to push the door open, and kept struggling.

"What about you Applejack?" Twilight asked.

Applejack headed to her room and returned. "Arborist, shouldn't this go to Rainbow?"

"Arborists handle trees," Twilight said, "Maybe more varieties of apples."

"Maybe," Applejack said, then she caught Rainbow's flashing tail and dragged her away from the door.

"I gotta know!" Rainbow demanded.

"Then you can give up your Wonderbolt clinic, and follow her all day," Trixie offered.

"NO!" Rainbow said as Applejack dragged her into her room.

"Well, do you have any pajamas? I think I have an extra set," Twilight offered Trixie.

"What about Lyra?" Applejack said as she walked back into the common room from Rainbow's.

"She, Dinky, and Derpy are cuddling," Trixie said.

"You'd rather be there?" Twilight asked.

"Trixie," she started haughtily, then finished hesitantly, "Does not know."

"He'll be safe," Twilight assured her, "Lyra isn't exactly weak in the magic department."

"That was not the entirety of Trixie's concern, Twilight Sparkle," the showmare said.

Lyra watched the two of them stare at each other. Luna transformed into an alien form, and the Big Guy. I guess the legends were all about immature ones, I don't remember anypony mentioning curves like that, Lyra noted and watched the tentative approach of two omnivores, I wonder if that they are such effective killers is why the mating dance is as careful and hesitant as a pair of spiders. Maybe they do eat each other, no that wouldn't make sense, the female has to birth the young, and the male raises them? That doesn't make sense either. The mating dance, and it didn't seem to be anything else, hadn't progressed to a point where Derpy needed to remove Dinky. At its current progress, it won't be until she's old enough to have foals of her own. I wonder if our presence is helping progress by setting an obvious upper limit, or hindering. Neither has indicated we should leave, so do we stay or go. If we go, would they interpret that as disgust, or approval for the mating to go to completion? Ah! Let them tell us what they want. Neither is shy about that! Lyra thought and settled into the 'bolster' position Trixie had taught her, ready to receive whatever happened.

She watched them stand together, start with touching hands to hands, shy smiles, some blushing from the princess. Then they progressed, she touched his short hair. Lyra noted her interest in the way his interest focused briefly on the movement of her breasts. Sight cue for the buttock? she wondered, Or is their size and fullness some indication of fertility and health?

He'd trailed a finger down her hair then ran a knuckle along the cheekbone, which the princess enjoyed. And so it went, touching, and slowly moving closer together. A brief brushing of their lips, which really made the princess blush and not just on the cheeks.

That's handy, color change lets you see they are interested. That's why the clothes! So you don't advertise that you're interested if the other person is not. Lyra forcibly stifled a squeal of glee at having so many theories dashed and confirmed just by watching. I can't wait to ask questions about this! No, privacy, stay calm, stay professional and - idiot! He's probably got books on the subject!

Then a hand trailing down Luna's side made her wince and giggle. That seemed to be the signal. And both of his hands found that weak point on either side. Luna tried to push the hands away, but was laughing at the enjoyable contact.

So, it's not unpleasant, but it is slightly incapacitating, giving him the advantage. Luna can't have that, Lyra thought as with typical pony directness, Luna got one arm behind his back, and another under his upper legs to avoid the still-weakened knees and picked him up. She seemed to be throwing him on the bed, but slowed the motion so she set him there, cradling his head between Lyra's shoulder and barrel. She was on all fours over him, with a smile that would have looked better on a Timberwolf. When he smiled back, she settled atop him. He touched his lips to hers as she wrapped herself around him: arms, legs, even her hair. Strangler fig is right, she thought as she watched the kissing grow longer and more passionate.

When Luna suddenly looked alarmed, she scrambled back. All of them looked worriedly, then she suddenly transformed back to her pony form, albeit with Celestia's proportions. The Princess looked around worriedly, her similarity to Nightmare Moon in form undeniable. Lyra was so frightened, she could barely look away.

Bless him, Lyra thought as he waved her over. Luna again approached tentatively, for good reason, she was much stronger and heavier than he was. She settled on carefully laying her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her neck and she nuzzled him. Derpy let Dinky take up the foot cover position, while she snuggled up behind him and draped a wing over him. Luna took the hint and extended a wing over both of them. There were a few settling adjustments as he preferred sleeping on his side, and Luna tried to get closer without risking spearing, crushing or kicking him if she moved during the night. But once everyone stopped, Lyra doused the room's lights and settled into sleep. She took advantage of the faint light from the moon and stars to kiss his forehead. Thank you, for all you've done, she settled in to nap, so if something interesting happened, she could observe.

Luna approached Discord guarding the entry to the Big Guy's dreamscape. Discord seemed horrified. "Quick! Change!" he shouted worriedly, and threw a blanket over Luna. When she pulled if off, she was in her bipedal form, and Discord stood in an open doorway that seemed detached from anything. He pulled a somewhat disheveled, bipedal Luna figure back through the doorway.

The figure seemed to be half wearing a dress that while opaque left little to the imagination. Before the real Luna could complain, Discord tossed her a similar dress, which formed around her.

"What is the meaning of -!?" Luna demanded, only to have Discord shove her through the door and shut it behind her. From the other side she heard Discord say, "He's having one of those dreams."

Luna gulped, looked at the surroundings, looked at what there was of her dress, and looked around for a place to hide.

Twilight ran into Luna's room. Celestia waited. "Princess!" she said happily, then noted the lack of regalia. "Princess?"

"Well, I had to punish Shining Armor for the failure to keep my previous guest safe and secure," Celestia said as she nuzzled Twilight.

"Huh?" Twilight asked as Trixie poked her head around the corner and looked in.

Armor looked over at Cadence. "Yes, this is my punishment," Armor said quietly so the entire throne room couldn't hear him, "A half-day, a night actually, as regent," he said so dejectedly Cadence just wanted to hug him.

"You poor dear," Cadence said and successfully suppressed a giggle.

Armor glared at her. "Don't 'you poor dear' me," Armor warned as he tried to find a comfortable spot to sit on the throne that still managed to look dignified. "She's thinking of taking one day off a month, and getting somepony some training."

"I'll get a plan to pad all the gardens and have nets installed outside the windows," Cadence said glibly.

"Not this 'someone'," Armor said and grinned, "Someone with wings."

Cadence was aghast. "Not, you can't mean . . ." She bore up stoically. "And a plan to remove all sharp objects, as well as anything that could be used as a sharp object from the throne room."

"That'll leave Earth pony guards, and most of the nobility," Armor told her.

"Horns?" Cadence asked and looked at her own.

"Near brains," Armor explained, "Dullness travels."

Twilight was giggling, and even Trixie managed a shy smile as she stood just inside the closed door. She looked like she wouldn't need to open it to flee.

"I believe the punishment fit the crime. Although he did personally pick and brief the guards tonight," Celestia said as she sat on Luna's bed. Twilight eagerly climbed up and snuggled beside her. Trixie still stayed at wing's length.

"I don't bite," Celestia said, "Despite what Discord says."

Trixie only nodded from her position near the door.

"Do you sleep standing up?" Celestia asked.

Trixie only shook her head.

"Well, come on over, there's plenty of space," Twilight urged, "The bed's tough enough you can stand over here."

Trixie shot Twilight a withering glare, but didn't seem eager to move.

"Please?" Celestia asked.

Trixie bowed her head and walked over as if she was walking to her own execution.

Centaur Luna stumbled through the door. She spotted Discord and marched towards him. But about every three steps included one sideways, so her approach was more serpentine. Her tiara remained on her head only because it was tangled in her hair. One of her hoof shoes was tangled in her tail. Another flopped ill-fitting on her wrist. Only one remained on her legs.

She tried to wipe the cake frosting off her flank, or tried to untangle the rack of antlers from her mane.

Discord did his best not to snicker. Luna managed to get the antlers loose and then the hoof shoe. She returned to her pony-form.

"It was just a dream," Luna insisted as she set her tiara straight. The weight of her mane pulled it back off, then she frowned and turned to stare at the cake still decorating her side.

"Of course," Discord agreed solemnly, "Stag party?" he asked between ruthlessly stifled snickers.

Luna's fury boiled to the surface.

"I didn't watch," Discord assured her.

"It was only a dream," Luna angrily insisted.

"I didn't watch your Lunar Sensuality," he said, "You must have jumped out of the cake, right?"

"It was just a dream," Luna insisted between firmly clenched teeth.

"I agree totally, only you and he know what happened," he said, "So did you become a centaur to keep up, or keep away?"

"It. Was. Only. A. Dream!" Luna persisted.

"I didn't even peek," he said innocently.

Luna seemed satisfied with that and unwilling to accidentally provide details. She faded from the area.

Discord waited for several minutes before he put the headphones on. "Didn't say anything about not having the whole place wired for sound," he said, mimed selecting a track and hit 'play'.

'WhiNEIGHeee,' blew the top of Discord's head off.

"Hmm," Discord said as he picked up his brain and scalp, "That sounded like him."

Day 23

For once, Rainbow was up with the sun. She briefly considered dragging a comb through her disheveled mane, but discarded the idea. Moments later she raced out of the suite and towards the Wonderbolts' training area.

From the garden path on her way to her own reward, Fluttershy watched her friend, as she made her way to the Groundskeeper, and her tour of the Canterlot gardens and all the animals. She squealed happily at the thought.

Luna had slipped out early, so she could raise the sun and let Celestia spend more time with her student. Luna also knew that Twilight would have to quit looking on 'godlike' Celestia a lot sooner than the unicorn would have liked. If Celestia's plan worked out. She also relieved Shining Armor, and interestingly, Cadence from their stint looking over the royal court and all the tedium that accompanied it.

Lyra slipped out after her Highness. She had to make a report to the Royal Cryptobiological Society, and get some of their research. She'd sensed that things were at a delicate stage and a major misstep would be a disaster.

Pinkie stuck her head out of the keyhole and looked around. Seeing nopony was about, she opened the door, backed up in surprise as the keyhole held her neck. She pulled her head back through the keyhole, and slipped out of the room all the while displaying a level of stealth and self-control most Ponyvillians would have been amazed she could produce. Once outside, she consulted the map she pulled from her deerstalker cap, put her deerstalker cap on and cantered through the palace. Humming a happy tune.

Applejack came out of her room yawning. She facehoofed and walked back inside to climb back into bed and return to sleep.

Celestia watched Twilight and Trixie asleep under her wings. She was proud of her student, and also proud of her 'prisoner'. She knew it was an illusion. That both of these mayflies would be gone in an eye blink, but she was learning to accept that she no longer had to defend them from everything, that some harshness made them better. A harsh road leads to the stars, she thought and relaxed returning to a near doze while they slept soundly beside her.

Rarity had woken late, even for her. She heard very little noise coming from the suite of rooms that she and her friends had shared. "Oh Fluttershy! Applejack? Twilight? Rainbow Dash?" she called into their rooms. Even the inveterate napper was no where to be found.

"Oh dear," she thought as she considered her day. After that disastrous banquet, I have no intention of hunting down Equestrian 'society' for the chats I'd always dreamed of, she thought and sighed sadly.

She stepped out of their suite, noted the stoic guards, and proceeded towards the other occupied room. The pair of guards recognized her, and allowed her entry. Rarity paused, and reverently entered Celestia's own chambers, ceded to the Big Guy and his attendants. The austerity of it stunned her. No wonder those two alternate between getting along, and at each other's throats, they are too alike, she thought of the room that was decorated more along the lines of a public library than of a mare who could afford anything, Then again, who would she have to impress here. Anyone here would already be past the 'I am impressed' stage.

The Big Guy nodded to her, but seemed alone. Rarity didn't see any guards within, nor any of his usual companions. She recognized all he wore on his torso was the soft cloth, inner garment. But he seemed unwilling to put on any of the outer shirts laid out on Celestia's bed.

"That one matches your eyes," she indicated one.

He frowned, shook his head and mimed dragging his fingernails across his skin. Rarity shuddered at the idea.

Like a pony wearing a pretty, sandpaper suit, she thought. She glanced out the window. Rainbow had mentioned off-hoofedly that the local weather team had a major thunderstorm scheduled for late morning to the midafternoon, and the clouds looked like they were nearly ready to start. Well, if Applejack left any ropes behind, I could drag him along for a quick bit of shopping before the rain, she thought and giggled. He seemed to sense something and backed away making a crude + sign with his fingers.

Spitfire landed quickly beside the fallen pegasus. "Rainbow Dash, are you all right?" the Captain of the Wonderbolts wondered if she'd accidently killed one of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

"Yah," the rainbow-maned pegasus said as she climbed to her feet. She chuckled nervously. "I guess I got a little carried away."

"Look, Dash, moves are fine, but you have to be able to do moves in formation. The move has to be one that five and sometimes more ponies do at once," Spitfire said quietly. The nervous Wonderbolts' captain didn't understand the Bearer's laughter.

Fortunately Rainbow explained, "The Big Guy had a flying game. I lost. Six times," the Bearer blushed nervously. "But Fluttershy tried to fly in formation with him. He didn't beat her, couldn't, but she wasn't trying to beat him. And she's supposed to be the weak flyer." The admission put Spitfire at ease that the Bearer respected her, and would listen.

"Maybe we should have both of you here," Spitfire offered, testing if that lever would work on the young flier.

"Naw, she's happier with her animals," Rainbow said, "But I think I understand now." She looked up. "Maybe we should practice above those clouds."

Spitfire nodded.

Rarity firmly believed that a lady was judged by her poise and elegance. That a true lady never lost her cool, except when it would help a friend. Which was exactly why she had Hoity-Toity pinned to the wall in his own boutique. "I had assumed,sir, that in your shop it would be different. That you of all ponies would see someone a bit rough around the edges, but seeking the more genteel trapping and ways of Canterlot and the elites, and in the manner of Celestia herself, would guide them to that exalted state," she hissed, "That there would be none of this 'oh the monster let's run' nonsense. Has he overturned your counters? Has he eaten the furnishings? Has he in any way threatened your staff or customers?"

"No," the fashion maven's eyes were still on the tip of the horn that could easily be far, far closer.

"And yet not even a polite request to leave, just running and screaming," Rarity said disgustedly, "And you looked so cute, trembling under your desk." She smiled, which relieved the tension not a whit. "I vouchsafed your reputation, your quality and your ability to serve. And he trusted me. For clothing, a rare and singular honor," she whispered, "If you make a liar of me, sir, I shall be very upset."

The stallion nodded ever so slightly.

"Good," Rarity said happily as she backed off, "I'm sure you have some workers who consider themselves a cut above the rest. I suggest you summon them, and we can begin. Now." The ice on the last word would have sunk the Titanic out of pure malice.

She turned back to the Big Guy, all cheerful smiles. "See, all handled."

The Big Guy frowned and pointed back over her shoulder. Hoity-Toity was gone, not into the back room, but out the window and was running down the street.

"Oh bother," Rarity said and stamped a hoof.

Applejack looked at the various apple trees and the huge amount of research the Royal Arborists, Alchemists, mages and scholars had done on growing apples. She felt her eyes cross as the diagrams of weather displayed by the mages were explained.

"The reason for the thunderstorms is to create nitrogen, which is in the air, into a form that can easily be absorbed by the plants as fertilizer," the scholar said in a tone Applejack had heard from Twilight often enough.

"So, thunderstorms are like the pig and cow manure we spread around the apple trees?" Applejack said, trying to make sense of what she was being told.

"Yes," the scholar said happily, "It's the nitrates in the manure that are also formed by the thunderstorms."

"So, yer helping the farmers around Canterlot," Applejack said.

"Of course," the confused scholar said.

Applejack shook her head. "Never thought just growin' apples was so complicated," she admitted.

"Oh course, none of us have figured out how you managed to work out how to grow Zap apples," one of the arborist-ponies said.

"Family secret," Applejack said firmly, but politely.

"Well, we have been ordered to show you how to grow these," the arborist indicated the Golden Apples of Canterlot, "But we can't get them to grow as reliably as your family can with the Zap Apples." She stepped beside several large pots with Golden Apple saplings in them. "Maybe you can."

"Whoa Nelly," Applejack whispered.

"Why did you bring the Marshmallow?" Discord raged in his head, while Rarity supported a tarp that kept the rain off them, although at times they needed a tent as a gust blew the rain sideways. The cart carrying the bolts of cloth was kept dry with a tarp tied over it.

Because my legs aren't all the way up to snuff, and if I go down, I'll need someone to carry me back to the palace, he replied, Besides, why are you so nervous. You said this gizmo would act like a transistor, boosting the signal of your powers, but giving me the ability to cut you off if you abuse it. If your plan is so above board, why shouldn't someone have some clues about it?

Discord signed. "Look, they don't know the full story about it. Haven't you wondered how Nistag went from a legendary potion master, to someone who couldn't rub two herbs together with oil to get a salad dressing?"

It did occur to me that his reputation was overblown. But so was Nightmare's, he replied.

"What about me?" Discord said.

You are not as random as they said, but only because I was taking their calibration and applying it to my standards, he replied.

"Politely put," Discord complained.

By you own admission, I'm rather random. So they were saying you were 50 out of a possible 20 on the Hope/Burns scale. But I set zero at their 75, and go to a possible 200 on the Williams/Winters scale. Not a cut on you, just a different standard, he explained, placating the Chaos spirit. Besides, how do you know so much about this thing?

The silence after the earlier accusatory tone was highly suspicious.

"I am an expert on ancient magics," Discord said after a pause pregnant with missing data.

Yes, he said dryly, Well, I don't think Rarity will think anything special about this, if you let me distract her after we've got the thing.

"How?" Discord said.

That wagon load of bolts of cloth, what happens after you go through the seven colors of the door? The writing on the door frame is noticeably lacking in details on that fact.

"It will suck all the color from whatever passes through," Discord said, "It'll turn it white, not clear."

Good, that'll do it, he thought as they entered the small shop.

Rarity made a disgusted noise Discord didn't need to translate. What they sought was behind the counter. The shopkeeper had raced out, and fell into near-paralyzed stuttering at sighting him. He pointed to the odd pewter and cinnabar looking jewelry. That panicked the owner into another string of stammering comments Discord didn't translate. He poured the contents of a bag of money on the counter in front of the terrified shopkeeper. The owner stopped being terrified and became positively sycophantic.

"He's asking if you want it wrapped up," Discord said, "You better nod. The fewer ponies who know, the better."

He nodded. No offense to your artistic side, but that thing is plain ugly, red eyes, gaudy red gem and red leading edges, he said.

"No offense taken, I - " There was a little grumbling as Discord retreated to the 'safe room' he'd provided, and slammed the door.

He nodded to the shop keeper and smiled at Rarity. Outside, the storm was going from cloudburst to frog strangler. Rarity looked at him worriedly, but she reestablished their rain cover, and followed him out into the storm.

Pinkie lowered her field glasses, and watched the Big Guy and Rarity move away from the shop. She smiled. "So, that's what her Highness meant. I hope he gets some good use out of it. And I'm glad no pony ever found Nistag's Alicorn Amulet." She headed back to the Castle to report her mission was successful.

I wonder why Twilight never heard about my Pinkie Sense from Princess Celestia? Pinkie wondered, She seemed to know all about it. And that was a doozy. Imagine if Trixie had found it, that would have been a doozy of a doozy!

Lyra watched Trixie walk back towards the room they were sharing, Celestia's own personal quarters. "Trouble?" she asked the showmare.

Trixie looked up and then glanced around. "Why am I here?" she asked quietly, "I am not an 'honored guest', a Bearer of the Elements, or a friend. I am a prisoner, sentenced here because I was part of a criminal conspiracy."

"And if you and Twilight Sparkle stood in a room, which of the two of you would he go to?" Lyra said. "Don't assume you're here on your merits, but your service. Her Highness has been disastrous in her handling him in all but one thing, 'punishing' you into his service. Even when your term is over, you will still be welcome. Celestia is regarded with fear, Twilight with contempt, and many others with concern. Not you or Derpy and Dinky. You've managed what her Highness can't manage. I think that should be a good boast when you go back out on the road." Lyra stood on her back legs and announced, "The Great and Powerful Trixie served alongside the great Ponyville Monster when he singlehoofedly overwhelmed Discord, Nightmare, Tirek, Nistag, and others. She alone stood at his side while others ran away, or stood as stone, The GPT stood beside reminding him of his duty to Equestria and to prevent his fall into despair. What even Her Solar Highness Princess Celestia could not do, was accomplished by the Great and Powerful Trixie. No other mage could keep him firmly on track during the battle and the aftermath. Cue fireworks."

"Perhaps," Trixie said quietly.

"Are you worried you will want to stay and have to leave after your sentence is discharged, or that you won't be able to stay?"

"Both," Trixie admitted. "I have heard Discord has warned the Princesses that he sensed that I want to go traveling to be before the crowds, and that I want to remain. It is true. I enjoy the crowds, the traveling, and the hardships of the road, but I also desire that someone might miss me if I left the world."

"You'll fine somepony," Lyra said.

"My family thinks I shouldn't be doing what I do," Trixie said sadly, "A somepony would be icing on the cake. Trixie would settle for her daily bread."

Lyra nodded.

"This is a dead end," Rarity said as she, the Big Guy and the cart entered the alleyway.

He either didn't hear or didn't understand. He continued drawing the wagon after him. Rarity trotted after him, trying to keep the tarp over them. The rain had driven most ponies from the streets.

"I still don't know why you bought that cloth. I was soft, but it's such a hideous color," she said, trying to keep up her end of the conversation. Especially since she'd utterly failed to provide what he was actually after, comfortable clothes. He hadn't pressed, but she'd seen him picking at the shirt, like a pegasus molting her feathers.

When he touched the rock wall and a door appeared, Rarity gasped. He opened the door and began unpacking the bolts of cloth. The pale mustard, off-white cloth still offended her sense of style. He held up his hands, and put them through some odd motions that would have been more appropriate for Trixie to do, if she had hands. He then picked up the first of eight bolts and threw it through the door. Rarity gasped and only an interposed leg prevented her from following it, and likely getting the same treatment. The cloth that landed was a rich, red color. Even the tube at the center of the roll. Orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, and pure white were added to the pile. Rarity stared at the collection, then at the Big Guy. "How did you do that?"

He gave her an infuriatingly smug grin, and shut the door. He moved several pieces of the door's molding, before he opened it again and stepped through, without being color changed. Rarity risked a hoof tip. When it didn't change, she stepped through and drew the cart after her. She looked herself over and was glad nothing had happened. He closed the door behind them.

"All right, you can go through, but the rest of us can't," Rarity said. She made an image of the shirt. He nodded. "Well, these are much better colors. I'll have one or two done shortly. After a shower and brushing." She lifted all the cloth bolts, loaded them in the cart and continued to the door leading to Ponyville.

"And then you dip the apple in the caramel," Applejack said distractedly, as Twilight, Pinkie and her Highness Celestia watched. They stood in one of the minor kitchens.

"Are you okay, Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, sure, Twi," Applejack said and smiled, then the smile faded. "I just think of what Applebloom'll do with six Golden Apple saplings ta deal with. She picked up the Zap Apple tricks better'n Big Mac or me ever did."

"Maybe she'll cross them," Pinkie suggested.

Applejack stared at Pinkie in horror. "Bite yur tongue!" Applejack gasped.

"That would be interesting," Celestia suggested.

Applejack whispered to Twilight, "Discord's still locked up, right?" She smiled at her Highness. "Tell me ya checked," she whispered to Twilight. She smiled at her Highness.

Twilight smiled nervously, because Celestia grinned widely with wild, wide eyes.

Her Solar Highness let out a mad giggle and rubbed her hooves together. "Golden Zap Apples!"

"Caramel Apple?" Pinkie asked as she offered one to her Highness.

"Thank you," Celestia said sweetly.

Applejack looked over at Twilight, and saw only her twitching hooves in the air.

He'd had to get away from the hustle and bustle that was Canterlot for a time. I haven't been this humiliated since the G-G-gala, he thought bitterly as he marched through the caverns deep beneath Canterlot. It could have been a wonderful evening off in a corner somewhere talking about gems, precious stones, cutting and setting them. Instead, I get another gold-digger after me for my title who won't take 'no' for a hint applied with a mallet. He spotted a tourmaline that had escape his and everypony's previous attentions. Well, aren't you a pretty thing. And perfect. No, my dear aunt had to play another of her pranks. 'You must learn not to judge a book by its cover.' Ha! If she thinks I need to learn that lesson, she needs it worse. I've been using that ever since my 'coming out party', when I stopped being teased about my 'silly rock collection' and started being a rung to let those same fillies who teased me climb up the Canterlot social ladder. He worked carefully not to damage the gem as he worried away the rock holding it. I didn't judge a book by its cover, I judged it by the first chapters that read just like every other social climber who wanted to finish the book 'How I became The Doyen of Equestrian High Society', by marrying Prince Blueblood.

He carefully removed the gem from the rock around it. He sneezed at the rock dust that had silted down on his muzzle and forelegs. "Oh dear, I've gotten dirty," he exclaimed in a tremulous voice most in Canterlot would recognize.

Dichroic, he thought as he turned the crystal, the deep azure that had first caught his eye faded almost to nothing. It would have to be those colors, he thought hopelessly as he carefully wrapped the stone and placed it in the chest he'd levitated along with him on his trek.

He continued towards the one place he could think and be at peace. He stopped and stared in amazement. Someone finally had the guts to do what I haven't, he thought of the house sitting right in the middle of the spot. A bit garish for anywhere but Canterlot and completely underdone for there, he thought as he started to approach. The storm over the city kept the normally well-illuminated spot dark, or brilliant, depending on the position and intensity of the lightning.

He froze at the sound of a mechanical click. It wasn't loud, but it carried an authority to it. And it happened only after I was clearly going towards the house, he thought and felt his knees trembling. He would have admitted it to friends, if he'd had any, that he was a terrible coward. The only completely unscripted act of the gala was using her as a pony shield. I'm also not stupid, he thought as the chest, and especially the pick axe settled on the ground well away from him, before he turned around. Then he pissed himself.

I don't believe he really ate Auntie Celestia, or that she cut her way out of his belly with her horn. Or if they did, it was just being kinky. But I do know he went up against most of the monsters of Equestrian history, including Nightmare and Discord, and not only survived, but won, he thought quickly on seeing the famous 'Ponyville Monster' sitting on an outcropping holding a dull, metal object as if it made him the equal of a war-trained unicorn.

"Hello," he offered carefully, moving sideways to get away from the spread of the puddle he'd just created.

The creature nodded slightly. A distinctly friendly gesture, to counterpoint the malevolence in his hand, aimed right between the unicorn's eyes.

"I didn't know anyone else ever came down here," he said, realized he was babbling, but couldn't help himself. "If you are staking a homestead here, I will gladly leave and inform - no I won't inform anyone, your secret is safe. I won't tell anyone, and no one would ever believe me anyway."

The creature whistled sharply. He shut up, and waited. The creature touched his head.

"Oh my helmet?" He took it off with a hoof, aimed the light at the ground and flicked it on, then off. "Keeps me from bashing my head on the rocks. Or losing my way in the dark." He chuckled nervously, something that irritated most of the upper crust. Fortunately, the creature took it in stride.

The creature made a horn sign on his forehead, then pointed to Blueblood and shook his head. Then he tapped the metal weapon, and tapped himself between the eyes and shook his head. Then looked at the terrified Prince.

"If I don't hurt you, you won't hurt me," Blueblood said very carefully. The creature's nod lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders. "Thank you, I'll agree to that." He held out a hoof. The creature beeped him, and Blueblood carefully beeped the Ponyville Monster in return. "Sorry about the rock dust."

The creature did something complicated with the weapon, before returning it to a pocket/pouch on his belt. He picked up the pick axe, but signaled Blueblood to pick up the chest and follow him.

" 'Dear Auntie Celestia, on encountering the Ponyville Monster, he invited me for tea and we talked about rocks. A far better outcome that my arranged encounter with your friend Rarity. I think that proved random chance does a better job with my life than you. Prince Blueblood'," he muttered as they walked. The house was everything the rumors said it was, disregarding exaggerations, but all the scale was due to the inhabitants being half-again as tall as even a large pony, and having a capacity for reaching and climbing most ponies lacked.

The great monster house is build for function, he thought as he entered and saw the famous bookcases filled with alien lore. But the creature gestured him in, once he'd wiped his feet, and had him set the chest in the front hallway. There was another set of bookshelves and the monster was already picking several books out, and setting them on a coffee table. Those are all books on gems, he realized, Alien stones, alien crystals! He felt a twinge of excitement.

The creature opened one of the small ones and showed him words and pictures. He then wrote what was presumably the name of the stone on a sheet of paper. Blueblood returned to the chest, opened it by touching his horn to it.

I could have done this across the room, but let's not be scary, he thought as he extracted a guidebook on gems, paged through it until he saw a similar stone.

"I think this is it," he said and carefully wrote the name beside the alien squiggle.

The creature opened several of the much larger books, and arranged them on the table, then put the paper on a clipboard. He put the names of the stones displayed, and handed the clipboard to Blueblood. The unicorn began going through his guidebook to find similar stones.

"I can't guarantee this will be completely accurate, but I'll do my best," Blueblood told him as the creature got up and headed towards the kitchen, presumably to make tea for them.

I can't believe I'm going to be helping with the Equestrian to Monster dictionary. Auntie will be stunned, he considered, So to spare her, I just won't tell. He smiled at that and found another decent match.

"Your Highness, how goes your investigation?" Lyra asked as she bowed to Princess Luna.

" 'Investigation'?" Luna asked.

"Yes, the mating dance," Lyra said, "I realized that while you wouldn't have consummated in public, you can enter dreams. I was just wondering if it was attraction, or just academic curiosity."

"You overstep yourself," Luna said quietly.

"Attraction then," Lyra said happily, "You might want to study the mating practices of spiders then. It's the closest Equestrian analog to what you two were doing. The Royal Cryptobiological Society heartily recommended the Appaloosan Box Cave Spider. It builds extensive burrows, and the male allows the female to take over the burrow after he's fertilized her. They have an absolutely beautiful and delicate courtship dance, so neither will revert to instinct and think the other is prey. One false step too fast and boom, lover becomes lunch. It's also interesting because both are normally independent, not living in communities. So it really is a meeting of dangerous equals. I'm glad I could help," Lyra said, bowed and trotted off.

Luna shook her head and looked around. "Where does jumping out of a cake in a torn dress fit into that? The rest doesn't fit into anything."

"I'm back!" Rarity announced as she arrived back at the Big Guy's house. She heard the squeak and what sounded like scrambling hooves, hung the shirts on the doorknob and dashed in to protect her friend. "You!" she shouted with more venom than a barrel of rattlesnakes, "You!" She advanced on this invader into her friend's home with baleful intent. "I won't kill you, because that would be too easy," she hissed, "But you'll be amazed at the things you can live through. And there are so many wonderful places to dump your body."

The Prince, the bane of her dreams, squealed frantically as he scrambled into the kitchen. Rarity stalked after him. She found him in the kitchen, clutching the Big Guy's ankles as he trembled behind him. The Big Guy looked completely perplexed at the prince's reaction to Rarity.

"Stand clear," Rarity said, "We'll finish this like proper ladies and gentlecolts!" Rarity said, only to have the Big Guy interpose himself between them. Made more difficult by the grip Blueblood had on his ankles.

"He invited me," Blueblood yelped suddenly, "He wanted the Equestrian names for some precious stones!"

"You?" Rarity asked, "Why you? He asked you? What would you know about stones?"

The Big Guy whistled and made a motion with his hands reminiscent of scissors cutting.

Rarity calmed down slightly, and watched the Big Guy disentangle himself. He led Rarity back to the coffee table where many books were laid out. Rarity recognized some as Equestrian guide books on gems, others were clearly in the Big Guy's native tongue. The surprise was the sheet on the clipboard. Some words were clearly in Equestrian, but next were word from the Big Guy's language, but both were written in the same hoof.

Rarity looked back and saw a terrified Blueblood nervously peeking around the corner. "You did this?" she asked.

He nodded, glancing at the Big Guy hopefully.

"Then come over here and finish," Rarity ordered, "I can correct any errors you've made later."

"I am a member of the Royal Academy's Lapidary Society," he said indignantly, but got no closer.

"How many bits a year does that cost?" Rarity said.

Both froze as the Big Guy stood and opened the trunk that stood in his entryway. He pulled out a tourmaline as long as her leg, and carefully set it in front of Rarity. She turned it, seeing it's dichroic nature. "You collected it without damaging it. Not difficult, but you may show some skill."

Blueblood took a seat across the table from her. "Aren't you going to grade my paper and tell me that I shouldn't be 'wasting time playing with rocks'?"

Rarity growled but kept her outwardly calm demeanor. "I don't think working with gems is playing with rocks," she said icily.

"Neither do I," he replied heatedly.

"You ready for some real formation flying, newbie?" Spitfire asked as she and Rainbow soared down through the dissipating clouds. The storm was over and the clouds could be dispersed.

"Right on your wing!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Enthusiasm is fine, but this is precision," Spitfire replied and went into a shallow dive with Rainbow's wingtip practically glued to hers. Below a familiar purple unicorn and an orange Earth pony waved to their friend.

"Remember, it's not how close we come, it's how close they think we're going to come," Spitfire reminded Rainbow. "Safety of the audience and your teammates is paramount, but that doesn't preclude giving them a good scare." Spitfire looked at the gleaming city, and lamented that her charge was more interested in flying, than the other joys that flight brought.

Maybe that makes her a good Bearer, but not a good Wonderbolt, Spitfire thought sadly, Have to love flying for what more you can do, not just what tricks you do.

Rainbow chuckled as the happy smiles on the two ponies become concerned, and then horrified as the two pegasi dove on them line-abreast. The earth pony tackled the stunned unicorn to the ground as the two pegasi missed them by a yard.

"Rainbow Dash, I'll gonna teach you a few tricks on flying," the earth pony shouted after them, "When I kick your flank to Appaloosa!"

Rainbow Dash laughed at the emptiness of the threat her friend had made. "As if she could catch me."

"I hear tell you're just a room or two away," Spitfire retorted, "More important, if they hadn't ducked, how far would we have missed them by?"

"A few inches I guess," Rainbow said.

Spitfire shook her head. "We would have missed them by a yard, or more. A Wonderbolt controls her flight, she never lets flight control her."

Rainbow considered. "I understand."

"Good, now, since they're standing up again, let's do it again and you lead," Spitfire said and grinned.

"Miss'em by a yard, or more. Got it," Rainbow said as she started her dive.

Fluttershy was enjoying the peace and tranquility of the palace, until a dozen guards thundered by, followed closely by Rainbow Dash and Spitfire.

"Move! Move! Move!" Rainbow shouted as she raced to try to find an opening that would let her escape.

Applejack chased after the entire group whirling a lariat mumbling something about Appaloosa not being far enough. A little ways down the corridor, Trixie was trying to untangle Twilight from a rope.

"That knot usually has to be cut to separate it," Trixie explained to her fellow unicorn, who looked like she had wrestled a knotted octopus.

"Just hurry, Applejack is getting away!" Twilight insisted.

"And you were going to keep her pinned with a rope?" Trixie asked as she worried the end loose and untied another of the tangles that bound Twilight.

"It looks like everyone had such a good time today," Fluttershy offered. She didn't understand why Twilight growled.

She looked around. "Oh, do you know where Rarity is, I think we all ran off and left her."

"She was shopping with the Big Guy," Pinkie Pie said as she hopped up. "Ooo! Party games." Her hooves blurred and Twilight was properly hogtied and her mouth tied shut with the rope all the knots topped by a big bow.

"Did I win, did I win?" Pinkie asked as she bounced happily.

As Twilight gritted her teeth, the ropes began to smolder.

"Oh, wrong game, bye now." Pinkie vanished. She rematerialized and collected Fluttershy before vanishing again.

"That's a good look for you Sparkle," Trixie said, then was illuminated by the flames of Twilight, "Oh not good for Trixie." She backed up hastily. "Say, why didn't you do that before?" Trixie asked the flaming spectral creature.

The exhausted and slightly singed Twilight reappeared and dropped to the ground. "I give up."

"Let's get you a nice nap, and you'll feel all better," Trixie said as she levitated Twilight, "At least you aren't working with a knife thrower when you are all tied up. Before I was the Great and Powerful Trixie, I worked for others. The act had Trixie tied to a spinning wagon wheel. So he'd know where to throw. But once the axle seized, but the act had to go on so he kept throwing. Fortunately missing Trixie."

"That's terrible," Twilight said muzzily.

"Then it happened again and Trixie quit. Trixie has never really trusted wheels after that," Trixie admitted and chuckled, "Silly isn't it?"

"My mane?" Rarity stammered as the Big Guy held out a hair clip, "But I just had it styled."

"I don't think he's going to hurt it," Blueblood said, "Just a different look."

Rarity glared at him. "And just how do you know?" she asked icily.

This time he stood up to her. "I have been hunted like the prize at a steeplejack race by the most persistent and clingy gold-diggers in Canterlot society. Mares who would crawl through a muddy puddle full of broken glass to stand by the glory that is Prince Blueblood. Of course I know when they 'adopt a new look'."

"And was I one of those gold-diggers?" she asked angrily.

"It took getting hit in the face with a cake to get through to you," he replied with some anger of his own, "Most of them would have cracked at least a little when I insulted their friends. No insult to you, or even your friends dislodged you."

Rarity growled in fury.

"I am sorry about the cake," he shamefully admitted, "That was ungenerous."

"It was," Rarity agreed quietly. She walked over to the Big Guy and offered her head.

He carefully collected her mane, made a ponytail, then doubled it over to shorten it before clipping it. He took a mirror off the wall and showed Rarity the effect.

"I can't say I like the look," she admitted, "But I can see the point of keeping one's mane out of the work, or off the ground."

"Looks sporty, like your friend Applejack," Blueblood said. He flinched at her glare, but the smile didn't depart completely.

"Well, that was informative," Rarity said to the Big Guy, "Now, if you wouldn't mind?"

He removed the clip and smoothed out her mane. He carried the clip deeper into the house.

"Sometimes I don't understand that . . . " Rarity said.

"Curiosity," Blueblood said, "Insatiable curiosity. Now, this book clearly shows that the rose quartz can't be the translation. Those stones are the wrong color."

"You can read that?" Rarity asked.

"No, but I can puzzle out that the words are similar. Ignoring the serifs and other variations the words seem the same," Blueblood said.

Rarity nodded, and noted the tray of sandwiches and tea the Big Guy delivered. "This smells of peanuts and raspberries," she noted.

"When in Stalliongrad," Blueblood offered and levitated a sandwich, took a bite while Rarity looked dubiously at it. He gasped.

"What!?" Rarity demanded.

"It's rather tasty," Blueblood said offhandedly, "No, it's truly awful." He began moving the plate away from Rarity. "No one should subject a lady such as yourself -"

Rarity picked a sandwich off the retreating plate and bit it. "Yes, they are rather good. Although I do wish they had ground the peanuts more."

"I rather like it, it's also a good reminder to watch out for the raspberry seeds," Blueblood replied. He sighed. "I wish I hadn't met you at the gala. It would make this easier."

"Make what easier?" Rarity asked.

"This translation, maybe we could have gone off to a corner and talked about stones," he said, "But it did turn out interestingly. For a week, all anyone could talk about was 'that mare who finally told off Prince Blueblood'. I had such fun playing the wounded peacock. 'Oh, she shouted at me so coarsely, and that dress, she designed it herself.'"

"You insulted my dress?" Rarity asked quietly.

"Of course, if I insulted it, it must be good. After all, I'm just a spoiled child with no taste in art or literature. No real culture or learning. If I wasn't a near royal, I'd starve to death. I was so glad your friend Twilight was in my classes at the School for Gifted Unicorns, no matter how well I did, she was so far out ahead of the pack it was frightening. No one remembers I got three upper firsts in advance placement, not with Twilight practically rewriting the curriculum and magical theory as she went along. No matter how well I did, all everyone remembers was how much I trailed your friend Twilight. In a way, it was the kindest thing anyone has ever done. For once I didn't have to hide. Other ponies' expectations colored the results marvelously."

"You seem proud of that," Rarity said.

"That even dear auntie Celestia sees me as a disappointment?" Blueblood said bitterly, "I am. If I lived in Ponyville, I could be someone. Like you. But Canterlot? All that matters is my family, and their connections. I joined the military, and they browbeat poor Captain Armor into stationing me in Canterlot. I try to leave, they'll use their power and influence to sweep me up and drop me back into their 'loving embrace', to have to sit through one more tea party listening to them talk about 'when we rule Equestrian', as if Celestia were going to drop dead any time in our grandchildrens' lifetimes." He stood up and began pacing. "You sat between my mother and my aunt at the banquet, how would you like to live with that and twenty other know nothings all bleating about 'the old days'. As if they wouldn't have pissed themselves and run away facing Discord, Sombra, Nistag, and all the others." He faced Rarity. "Don't try to become Canterlot high society. Your friend Applejack is close to the Oranges of Manehatten, your friend Twilight is already minor nobility in Canterlot. You're a Bearer of an Element of Harmony. You can be whomever you wish. You can be heralded as a fashion designer, or a hero of the realm, you can write books on gems, or, or whatever you want. Canterlot is the capital, but it's more insular than Ponyville. It's a jumped up guard outpost that Celestia set up after her battle with Nightmare Moon wrecked her and Luna's home. But because she was there, because she wanted some culture all the sycophants and hangers-on crowded in and built a beautiful city. But it's more beautiful from Ponyville than if you grew up or lived there."

"Twilight seems to have liked it," Rarity said cautiously to the agitated, rapidly pacing unicorn.

"Twilight Sparkle lives her life in her own head," he said sharply, "You rarely saw her without her nose in a book. She disappeared into books because she thought some of her 'Canterlot friends' weren't trying to use her to get close to the Princess, and she couldn't tell the false from the real. She could tell. She couldn't bear to believe that nearly all her friends saw her as a stepping stone in the grand political games. Except Spike, and that crazy lizard played the political game better than most adults, just never with Twilight. I don't think there's a mover and shaker in the entire city who doesn't know and trust him."

"I never thought about Spike that way," Rarity admitted.

"After he got Hoity-Toity to travel out to Ponyville, after he got you a second chance to show your dresses?" Blueblood scoffed, "If I may say, you don't know how connected your friends really are. That you haven't dug that up does you credit," he added.

"Thank you, for the warning. It is good to know I can pull strings, and that I shouldn't demand what my friends can give me," Rarity said. "You should take some time to discover who your real friends are."

"I don't have any. Any worth having wouldn't have stayed," Blueblood said.

"There are doors, just outside that one." She nodded to the front door. "One leads to Ponyville. Another that leads to a Canterlot street has a side effect, it colors whatever passes through it, and uncolors it once it passes back. Unless the Big Guy gimmicks it somehow. But you want the color change. Big, bright-red stallion comes in looking for a little work while he does some rock collecting. You'll be back in Canterlot at night, back to your original color, and no one the wiser."

"I can't see how that would work," he admitted.

"You are a member of the Royal Academy's Lapidary Society. I assume you can get some token that doesn't have you name on it." Rarity stood next to him. "Go after what you want, and to Hades with them. If you really want to escape, then escape. I had to. After all, if the Big Guy has books on rocks, wouldn't they send someone?"

"Perhaps." He rubbed his chin with a hoof.

"The voice is a give away though," Rarity admitted.

"If'n yew kin do an accent, so kin ah," he said.

"Puleez, even Applejack's isn't that bad," Rarity said.

"Zen ze how you say, fancy accent, it makes me popular with discerning ladies, no?" he offered.

"I think you're giving Discord tummy troubles," Rarity said, "Something less."

"How this?" he asked.

"Different enough that anyone who hasn't heard you won't know it's you," Rarity admitted, "So you'd better let Twilight and Sveti in on the ruse."

"Agreed. Won't that be interesting reading for the griffons. The Prince of Canterlot hiding out in Ponyville under an assumed name, with assumed hair."

"Better than the alternative," she said.

Rarity noted the much larger number of guards outside the suite of rooms she and the girls shared. "Exciting day?" she asked her friends, and the small guard force inside the room. "Everyone have a good time?"

She noted the half-hidden smirk from Rainbow Dash, and the answering death glares from Applejack and Twilight. "Well, I brought someone along to raise all our moods," she said, and stepped aside.

"Spike!" Twilight said happily, dashing over to hug her assistant.

"Twilight," the dragon replied, happily hugging her.

"Since Spikey-Wikey had such a wonderful itinerary planned out for us on the night of the Gala, I decided now would be a wonderful time to let him show his insiders' tour."

"Sounds great," Twilight said, "If you're sure it wouldn't be too much trouble."

"No trouble at all," Spike told them happily, "Should we get the others? Lyra and Trixie?"

"I'd certainly like to come along," Celestia said as she entered, and bowed her head to let Spike nuzzle her, "It's not often I get a chance to see Canterlot through the eyes of another."

"Your Highness," Rarity said, "Aren't you kind of conspicuous?"

Suddenly Rarity was looking down at the Crusader-aged alicorn. "Celly doesn't think so," Celestia said. "Besides, crime has been on a downturn lately, I can take a night off from being Batmare."

Twilight snorted at the very old joke.

Celestia enjoyed her time incognito with her student's friends. Although I almost feel like I'm stealing them, she thought guiltily, But what 'friends' do I have? My sister is a friend, but she's also my sister. The diplomatic corps is full of people who would gladly be my friend, but they are working for their country's best interests, and around them, I have to work for mine. She looked at the people. An alien, a griffon, a dragon and a collection of ponies, all enjoying each others company, and she felt like a tag along.

She glanced up at the wizard's hat she wore over her horn. Was that the Big Guy's decision, or Discord's suggestion? she wondered, At least it eliminates the question of an additional alicorn.

The others wore similar hats, including Spike and Applejack, although she wore hers on top of her Stetson. Spike was telling the history of many of the more famous of the crown jewels, and managing to do a more interesting job that the usual tour guides.

He's also not trying to eat them, Celestia noted with a snicker.

Too soon the tour was over, the group headed out to the gardens. It amazed Celestia that Spike simply vouching for the group seemed to let him gain access to places she thought were heavily guarded. Although they always asked him an odd question, so they might have a prepositioned plan if he's being forced to take someone through, she thought as they entered the grove of golden apple trees.

"These are what Applejack got her briefing on," Twilight said happily and looked back to Applejack.

"I don't want ta even think about them apples. I'll have a hard enough time explaining it all ta Applebloom and Big Macintosh," Applejack said wearily.

"So how are these any different from regular golden delicious apples?" Rainbow asked as she circled the tree.

"These are golden apples, not golden delicious," Celestia said, "They are, very different."

Spike explained the difference, including some of the reputed magical properties.

"Why aren't these more widely known?" Sveti asked.

"These are all there is. And the fruit is replaced only very slowly, perhaps one every few years," Celestia admitted, "We don't have enough to do all the experiments ponies want. With more trees, we should be able to get more apples to test."

"How do you know about all this?" Twilight asked Spike, "I've read dozens of books on the subject and none of them have half that information."

"I talked with the gardeners and the guards," Spike said, "Books are good, ponies are better."

Twilight looked a bit exasperated, but took it good naturedly.

After some discussion on the 'help' Applejack would need for the apples, Applejack finally came up with NONE! They laughingly left the trees behind and walked out into the streets of Canterlot. Ponies were coming and going, to restaurants, performances, clubs of various kinds.

"Is she happier with ponies being more active at night?" Twilight asked.

"Very much so, but they still don't look at the stars much," Celestia said, "That still hurts, but then if funny faces appeared on the sun, I doubt most ponies would notice."

A group of street performers were putting on a farce. Trixie led them over to watch.

"That's one thing I don't think I can ever forgive him for," Celestia said as an Earth pony in a white suit stood on his hind legs and used a pair of sparklers to defeat other performers dressed as Discord, Nightmare and others.

"Not the Big Guy," Fluttershy said, "You mean, him."

Celestia nodded. "Yes, he created mimes."

The pony in the suit had defeated all the villains, and other ponies celebrated, but he seemed exhausted. A white pegasus wearing an artificial horn hugged the weary figure. As she stepped away, all the players who were formerly villains reappeared wearing mismatched guard uniforms. They began to beat the earth pony in the suit with slapsticks labeled 'knockwurst', 'salami' and 'pepperoni'.

Celestia felt her heart curdling inside as 'her' kept smilingly waving to the crowd, and that the crowd were laughing uproariously at the spectacle. Applejack seemed more than ready to do more than cringe, but the Big Guy had a hold of her mane and seemed unwilling to let go.

So Applejack can injure him to get loose, or accept the parody, Celestia thought, She won't hurt him, so she must abide.

The guards dragged off the 'human' and 'Celestia' returned and earnestly looked for him on the floor. The guards who remained behind never volunteered what happened. The crowd laughed more at the scene that somehow absolved Celestia of wrongdoing and put all blame on the guards.

While that is true, it isn't fair. I should have kept a better eye on him, Celestia admitted to herself as citizens tossed a few bits into the sack the players had set up to accept them. The Big Guy walked up to the sack. The actor minding the sack suddenly realized this paying customer was a lot taller than average, then the Big Guy took off his cloak and essentially voided the spell that made eyes slide off him. The actor vanished while the Big Guy poured a handful of bits into the sack. Most of the customers ran off in terror, as did most of the other players. Only a colt remained behind as he was too terrified to run. The Big Guy approached with the sack, while the colt's knees knocked. The Big Guy poured the sack's contents into the colt's saddle bags, patted him on the head and walked away.

"MOMMY!" the colt screamed in mortal terror.

Trixie and Rainbow kept Fluttershy from trying to soothe the colt as the group moved away. Applejack chuckled.

"Okay, that was better than jumpin' in and kickin' flank," the farm pony admitted.

They continued to Pony Joe's for a late night doughnut and some conversation.

"That one!" Applejack insisted, pointing at the bottlecap on the left.

"No way, it's the one in the middle," Rainbow countered, "His hands are fast, but they aren't that fast!"

Lyra just snickered, enjoying just watching him.

The Big Guy turned over both caps they had indicated, and predictably the bit of pocket lint wasn't under either.

"Aw man, I was so sure," Rainbow complained.

The Big Guy slid the unturned cap into the center, and then began shuffling the caps around in a seemingly random manner. Celestia watched the game and considered if she was quick enough to catch which it was under.

"It's in his lap, Highness," Trixie whispered, "That's why he turns over the other two, so he never has to show it isn't there. There are similar cons I've seen."

"I see," Celestia said, "So he's cheating."

"No, he's entertaining. If it was for money, then it's cheating," Trixie said.

At another table, Pinkie Pie was staring at a doughnut from all sides. Sveti watched her fascination with the pasty.

"Are you going to eat that, or prepare a doctoral dissertation on it?" Sveti asked.

"How do they know to put the hole in the middle?" Pinkie asked, "Some ancient cabal of baker-wizards?"

"Probably they just saw that the centers didn't get cooked so they cut a hole in the center," Sveti said.

"Naw, that's too easy," Pinkie said, and ate the doughnut.

Sveti stared at Pinkie, as if trying to figure out if she'd been insulted, or if Pinkie was normally this way.

Twilight was at a table with Rarity. "I believe we may have a few more pages available for the dictionary," Rarity said, "Our friend caught a member of the Royal Academy's Lapidary Society and nearly press-ganged him into translating. Until he saw the books. At that point, he became a willing helper. I think we'll be seeing more of him."

"The Royal Academy's Lapidary Society?" Twilight asked, "That stuffy club barely exists, if not for Prince Blueblood's patronage, and the gem guide books by Encage Sangbleu they wouldn't exist."

" 'Encage Sangbleu'," Rarity said and raised an eyebrow, "Good guide books?"

"Oh, the best, I gave you your set for your last birthday," Twilight said, "Not cheap, but better than the twaddle they convince most amateur rockhounds to buy. Of course they are written for experts, so starting with eh twaddle books may be the only option."

"Interesting, Twilight," Rarity said, "Well, as I said, he'll be coming here and speaking with some of us while he putters about. I think he may be wondering about the possibility of stones we don't have, and samples that the Big Guy's house may have brought along."

"Really!" Twilight asked excitedly.

"I doubt there is, every stone I saw in the 'monster' gem books looked to be some type I recognized," Rarity said, "So I'd be very surprised if he finds something."

"Rarity, maybe you could join the Society, it would put you closer to Prince Blueblood," Twilight teased.

Rather than rise to the bait, Rarity said earnestly, "Twilight, I had a conversation about people using relationships for social climbing." Rarity added sternly, "As you are a former victim of it, I would advise against recommending it as a course of action. If I'd understood that 'my widdle Spikey-Wikey' could open every door into Canterlot I ever wanted to go through, I might have abused our friendship rather mercilessly." She paused, hoof on chin. "I wonder if Prince Blueblood became the way he is because he didn't have books to hide in, like a unicorn filly who had to be thrown onto the wider world by no less than Celestia herself."

"I am nothing like him," Twilight said, "He was a slacker, always behind me on tests, never doing extra-credit, always hanging out with his feckless friends, and the laughing about putting in a weekend of studying."

"So, absolutely useless in the lab?" Rarity asked.

"Not useless, just no great shakes," Twilight said dismissively.

"At your school, a triple first, rare? Hard to get?" Rarity asked.

"Rare, yes. Hard, no. I got a Quintuple, first time in history. Someone scratches out a triple every couple decades," Twilight said and rolled her eyes, "They could do better if they really applied themselves. Why the sudden interest in my schooling?"

"Met a classmate of yours, Twilight 'nose-in-a-book' Sparkle. He said you live your life inside your head. I had thought he was just being insulting. He was, but it's also pretty accurate," Rarity said and smiled, "I'm glad you let the rest of us in there occasionally."

Twilight huffed, which made Rarity laugh.

She looked around the shop, and at the finally-sleeping city beyond the windows. "I was just wondering how this shining beacon could be so lonely to so many ponies," Rarity said, "And how I always envied the ponies who grew up here. Now I realize that I may not have had the experience, but I think I am better wanting to be better, rather than wanting to be admired for how good I am."

"I could have told you that," Twilight said sarcastically.

"Then why didn't you enlighten me earlier?" Rarity pouted.

"You didn't ask," Twilight replied defensively.

"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, a good fashion designer knows their customer's needs before they walk in the front door," Rarity said haughtily, then giggled at Twilight's expression.

Twilight started laughing as well.

Fluttershy was looking after Spike and Dinky, who were peacefully sleeping after a long exciting night. Derpy was trying to learn a griffon dance step from Sveti.

The 'Sand Cobra' is a good teacher, Celestia thought as she watched the pegasus go through the steps again, slowly. Then she repeated then slowly, then at full speed. Derpy grew more confident as she worked.

"Don't look at your feet, feel where your feet are," Sveti said, "Close you eyes if you have to."

"Okay," the pegasus said, and closed her eyes, but kept her face pointed at her feet.

The griffon looked at Celestia and shrugged. Celestia nodded, but Derpy's performance was better not watching than watching.

She sighed at the little groups and that she was welcome in any of them, she wanted to be with all of them at once. So pick one, she thought, You have to make those kinds of decisions all the time. She walked over to join in the girl talk with Rarity and Twilight. Dawn coming too soon, then I'll be back to the serene ruler of Equestrian.

"Rarity, would you like to hear a few stories about Twilight?" Celestia said.

"Certain, your -" Rarity asked as Celestia raised an eyebrow, "Certainly, Celestia."

"Well, she was always inquisitive, but I hadn't gotten her a laboratory yet. My mistake," Celestia said.

"I thought you said you'd never tell the jam story!" Twilight complained.

Celestia stared. "I was going to tell about you dissecting that fireworks rocket," Celestia said, "But if you want to tell Rarity about the jam, I won't correct you."

Twilight looked like the doughnut had gone to war in her stomach.

" 'Jam'?" Rarity asked and grinned at Twilight, "I can imagine about dissecting fireworks. Sweetie Belle and the Crusaders got one of the big ones. They discovered why you don't handle rocket filling by candlelight."

"Was anypony hurt?" Celestia gasped.

"No, but it was a month before their club house smelled like anything but spent fireworks," Rarity admitted, then looked at Twilight and smiled. The purple mare's ears flattened. "But Twilight, I never thought your safety lecture was based on actual experience."

Twilight whimpered a little. "Ah, uh, yes. Much, ah, safer experience later."

"Not like jam?" Rarity asked.

"No that was - " Twilight looked at her friends slowly clustering around. She sighed. "Okay, I didn't know about superheated liquids. So the juice was just sitting there, when it was supposed to be boiling. So I dumped the chopped up fruit in anyway. It all flashed to steam in an instant."

"And you're embarrassed about that?" Rainbow asked.

Celestia had her mouth clamped shut and she was humming a tune.

Twilight sighed. "I was making the jam for a tea I was going to have with Celestia and Shining Armor. They'd arrived and I didn't have the jam ready. Raspberries don't really go with white coats very well," Twilight admitted.

"The raspberries thought they went with white coats very well," Celestia said, "And were very persistent in that belief."

Twilight laid her head on the table and moaned.

"Well, I reckon that's why Shining Armor got so good with shield spells," Applejack said, "All thanks to his little sister Twi." She patted Twilight's head.

Twilight moaned again.

"It could have been worse," Celestia said, "I thought I could befriend anything. And I could. Except for this one skunk. Then none of my friends would come anywhere near me." She laughed, giving permission for the others to do so. Although they did it nervously.

"You could tell them about the Raw Alfalfa Monster," Sveti suggested.

Celestia put her head on the table and moaned. The laughter was less forced this time.

Author's Note

Bob Hope/George Burns scale for minor 4th wall breaking
Robin Williams/Jonathan Winters for sailcats and serious WTF!

12) Adjacent Event

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Adjacent Event

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 24

A very blue stallion stepped out of the door in the middle of the darkness occupying Ponyville's newest park. He looked around, then trotted through the nearly empty streets. As early as the Ponyvillians rose, not many were awake at this time. One of the few who was, was coming out of the town library to get his breakfast when he encountered the stallion.

"My card," the stallion said politely, the faint Vanhoover accent only confused Mystery a bit more. "I sent a letter through her assistant requesting a meeting with Miss Sparkle, I thought she was an early riser."

"She's in Canterlot," the griffon said, as he tried to place the infuriatingly familiar pony, "So is her assistant. I don't know when they'll be back. I'm Mystery, part of the translation team."

"Oh, splendid." The stallion extended a hoof to shake. "I'm Sangbleu, Encard Sangbleu, with the Royal Academy's Lapidary Society."

"That's where I know you from," Mystery explained, "You publish those books. Must be nice to get a pack of royals to pay you to do what you love."

"I still have to justify myself to the budget committee. At least I've made them keep me out of the limelight," the stallion said and smiled. "I'm here to do a survey on any unusual stones our visitor may have brought."

"Not 'brought by the Ponyville Monster'?" Mystery asked and shared a smile with the stallion, "Sugarcube Corners has a good breakfast, join me?"

"Certainly. The advantages of an expense account. As for monster talk, I visited the statuary gardens to look at the last people who pissed him off. I don't intend to be among them," Sangbleu said and took on a horrified, cowering pose.

The griffon chuckled. "Then don't hurt any foals, he killed some fool who did that," Mystery said as he continued towards Sugarcube Corners.

"Where are you staying?" Mystery asked.

"Sleeping on his back porch. Some of the ground went with the house when it moved," the stallion said.

"You sure are being thorough," Mystery said as Sangbleu opened the door for him, "Thanks."

"I have to earn my bread and flowers," the stallion looked around, "Darn, no apple fritters, I love those."

"When Applejack gets back, you can probably order them by the barrel," Mystery said. "So, has he managed to burn down the capital yet?"

"Nope, they threw him in prison, on the day before he was getting a stained-glass window in the Great Hall. I think that's a first," Sangbleu said. The pair shared a chuckle.

"You okay?" Discord asked.

Why wouldn't I be? he replied, careful not to move and wake up the pony pile.

"That dream was, rather intense, even for you," Discord said.

You get caught up in it, I'm sorry, he said.

"Uh, no, you didn't. I was just wondering about the reality of the dream, was it based on some event?" Discord asked.

Not one I recall, he replied, Why the sudden interest?

"You seem kind of depressed lately," Discord said, "And less willing to take some of the ponies' behaviors in stride."

Well, they have been bothering me. Especially the really creepy ones, he admitted.

"Creepy?" Discord asked.

Now we're getting somewhere, Discord thought.

Yeah, like Applejack, he replied.

Or not, Discord thought.

"Applejack?" Discord exclaimed, "The boringest of ponies?"

Yeah, gives me the shivers, he replied.

"Applejack?" Discord said.

Yeah. It's like she shifts between realities. First she's standing there, freckles and hat. She starts walking or running and the freckles disappear, or the hat. I don't think she flushes or pales so you can't see them, or her hat flies off. I mean they flat out vanish, freckles or hat. Then a little ways on, they reappear. I thought you were doing it, but then I remembered she was doing that while you were still in stone. And she's not the worst.

"There's worse?" Discord asked.

Yeah, Rainbow Dash, he said, She's so proud of her wings. You'd think she'd be upset, or even notice if they suddenly vanished. But no, as long as they materialize again after a little while, she's fine with it. I'm just glad I never saw her do that when she was flying. That would really freak me out.

"Freak you out," Discord said, glancing around nervously.

Yes. I mean, if this was a movie, or some animated cartoon, I could put it down to continuity errors. But with living creatures, and no one seems to notice or care if a big piece of furniture, or one of their limbs randomly blinks in and out of existence. That's really upsetting.

"Upsetting," Discord answered, his eyes wide and staring.

Are you all right? he asked.

"Me, fine, just checking on you," Discord said, "Ha ha." And walked, not ran to his private place. "Tom, why have I noticed none of that, until now. It's like we're all trapped in a children's animated cartoon."

"You are trapped in a childrens' cartoon. Fortunately, I reside in a cartoon for adults with young children," Tom said loftily.

"And that makes you feel better?" Discord asked.

"Better than your phase of existential dread," Tom said, "None of this helps him however, that dream was clearly a replay of when Tear Twister did to him, what she did. That he either didn't clearly remember or was in denial. It also reveals a deeper aspect of the culture shock. How everyone around him accepts facial features, body parts and furniture materializing and dematerializing must play into some serious fears on his part." Tom paused. "It seems we have another victim."

"How could I not have seen it, how could I not have realized. The skin of reality must be stretched taught over this world. It gives ever so slightly, and things vanish, and it draws together a moment later, and things reappear. It's my doing," Discord whispered, and faced Tom, "This is my fault. I wanted chaos, I never wanted the world to just go away. How will I stop it? How will I beg forgiveness? How will I warn them? Is it already too late, is this world doomed and spinning down to die? What'll happen if I can't save everypony?"

"The Newberry people called, and unless Fluttershy dies of a horrible, wasting disease, you aren't getting one of their medals," Tom said.

"Darn," Discord said and stood up. "What do we do, tell him he really is in a kiddie cartoon?"

"Oh yes, sir, and then we can scrape what's left of him off the walls and ceiling, and see that it's fed and watered for as long as it survives," Tom said sarcastically. "Can you at least try to turn some of that masterful, corkscrew intellect to solving the problem? We can't tell him the truth, lying is a bad idea, so . . . "

"Use it as a wedge to really get him to talk about his problems. He's as much as admitted he's going nuts. The fact he sees such things, and nopony reacts to them, is prima facie evidence. So we talk about him using his intellect to distract him from real problems."

"Just remember, never out and out say it doesn't happen. Just point out that 'wouldn't somepony notice', or wouldn't physics take a hand in it. You can honestly deny that you had a hand in it, and that you can ask him to describe it in detail so you can use it," Tom said.

"Thank you Tom, I have a mind to save." Discord put on his Stahlhelm, over his horns, pulled the goggles down out of the visor and rode his invisible Harley out of the room.

"Watch out for the -!" Tom winced. "Chicken coop, it's full of ferrets. Oh dear, that's going to sting. Poor Quinn."

"It's too early for it to be morning," Rainbow Dash complained as she finished leaving her bed. The others had gathered to make the trip back to Ponyville. There had been the sound of duct tape coming from the room they were going to pass through, once Trixie and the Big Guy had gone in hours before the scheduled time.

"So, there's a path straight into their Highnesses' boudoirs from the Big Guy's house. Won't the gossip columns have a field day with that one?" Rarity commented dryly.

"Better than what they used to say about Celestia and Twilight staying up late to study," Shining Armor said, "There were times I wished I wasn't a responsible member of the Royal Guard, and could give them the thrashing they deserved."

"Ya mean . . . "Applejack asked, and simply looked horrified.

"While she was a filly," Cadence replied, "You thought happy, filly Twilight became the recluse she did when she discovered books?" The pink alicorn shook her head. "There are times even my patience was stretched."

Twilight had remained silent during the discussion.

"I am sorry Twilight, discussing your life as if you weren't even there," Rarity said.

"Why would I want to discuss that part of my life?" Twilight asked, "A bunch of people with no lives, deciding to live their life through mine? The idea that nopony in the royal court would raise a fuss about it also bothered me. Either in the stories that it was happening, or in real life that they were lying. 'We're above such things Miss Sparkle.'"

"They quit when Twilight started showing her magical prowess, and accidentally blew up a few buildings," Spike added.

"The Alchemy buildings are designed to blow up!" Twilight replied defensively, "That's why the walls are reinforced concrete and the roofs are sheet tin. Boom." She mimed an explosion going straight up.

"I hope she's gotten better with the explosions," Armor said.

"Not really, it's just that nopony notices anymore," Pinkie Pie said, "Or we just stand back and watch the pretties."

While Twilight grumped, everypony else laughed.

The Big Guy and Trixie reentered the room.

"What the hay is so special secret about that room?" Rainbow demanded.

The Big Guy rubbed his hands together and let out a laugh that had every hair and every feather of everyone in the room standing on end.

"Ya really want ta know there, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, and glanced at her hat dangling from her erect mane.

"NO," Rainbow squealed, "I'm good."

They stared at Fluttershy nuzzling his leg. "It's so good you're feeling better."

"Fluttershy," Sveti asked, as she tried to preen her hackles down, "That didn't frighten you?"

"It certainly frightened Trixie," the showmare added.

"He's just being a big silly," Fluttershy responded, flittered around behind him and gave him a happy hug.

"She is the one who has tea parties with bears," Lyra pointed out, "It's going to take mousse to get that to stay down," she said of her forelock that was standing as straight as her horn.

"It's going to take a moose," Spike said and snickered, pointing at Cadence and Armor.

"I think that's where they got the idea for the helmet crests," Cadence offered, trying not to giggle.

"I think it makes me look rather fierce," Armor replied and posed.

"That it does, sir," Milestone said as he stuck his nose in. "Her Highness Luna will join you shortly, but her Highness Celestia would like you to go to the throne room first, to say goodbye."

"She's going on vacation and sticking me with the Princess job!" Cadence panicked, and pranced in circles, "Whatever shall I do?"

"Close your eyes and think of Equestria," Armor said solemnly.

"Oh course," Cadence took a regal bearing and walked out with Armor flanking her.

"Why is everybody in this city either boring or crazy?" Pinkie asked.

"No comment," came the chorus of replies.

Celestia detached herself from the collection of nobles and diplomats as the group entered. Even the Royal Poise had a difficult time with the sight that greeted her. She blinked, then blinked again.

"Interesting fashion choice," she managed. Rarity, Armor and Cadence managed the nonchalance to pull off the new look. The others were too nervous. Even Pinkie Pie sticking her hoof in her mouth and blowing couldn't get her hair to poof properly. It would poof, then with the sound of an arrow hitting a target, would go straight up again. The mare whined a little at that.

"I apologize your Highness. We - asked a question, and got an answer," Twilight said.

"Must have been quite the question," Celestia said, and covered her laugh with a hoof.

Twilight sighed. Armor gave a salute. Cadence gravely beeped her Majesty. Rarity more timidly did the same.

Then she came to the Big Guy. The alicorn looked a little sheepish. "I wish you could fully understand me, or that I could trust that Discord is properly translating. But you have my apologies for the miscues and misunderstandings. I think I need to let you be yourself, and let my ponies see to your care and well-being. I am glad you're well enough to resume your duties." Celestia smiled.

The Big Guy got right in her face and roared. Teeth bared and an utterly ferocious sound. Celestia pulled her head back, but he pressed forward. The little twitterings of the knots of nobles and diplomats fell silent and stared. The Ponyvillians and guards glanced worriedly at each other. Celestia roared back, pressing her head against his forehead and making him retreat a step or two.

He took a breath and raised his arms. The ululating terror he released, the mad eyes and hands in raised claws had the guards raise their weapons. Celestia's head and neck formed a question mark as he pressed forward.

Celestia's face contorted in rage and menace, her wings flared and she let out a furious trumpeting that shook the palace walls. She stomped her forehooves as she pressed him back until he was nearly teetering back on his heels.

He hugged her around the neck and rested his head on her withers. She wrapped her wings around him, rested her head on his neck and raised a leg to stroke his back.

"I'm glad you forgive me, and you're feeling better. But you don't have to defend my ponies from everything by yourself, you silly colt. I have guards and the Elements to help you," Celestia chided gently. She broke the hug and kissed him on the forehead. She looked at the collection of stunned ponies and foreigners. "So that's how your manes and tails got that way."

"I can't believe you did that!" Discord raged inside his head. "I can't believe she did that!"

What? he replied, I got to scare the entire royal court and the best of the best in Canterlot, and she gets to prove to the same that she's no slouch in the whole 'I am a badass' rankings herself. Lets her be more than the pampered pony-princess.

"I'm just pointing out that with everyone else there, it was not a good idea," Discord replied.

For someone with a real 'get out of death free' card, you're awfully nervous. Besides, ponies social norm like crazy, and nearly always defer to authority. The only one I had to worry about was Celestia, and if your translation was accurate, I had nothing to worry about. He looked at the chaos spirit. Your translation was accurate, wasn't it? You didn't intentionally lead me down the garden path into humiliation, did you?

He glanced around the seemingly empty space. Discord? his voice echoed off the insides of his mind, That's what I thought. Ahem. I love you, you love me! We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!

Tom found Discord hanging from a chandelier in his private place mumbling something incoherent. The collection of singing, blue, bipedal creatures fell victim to a single beehive round fired in through a window. "Yes, thank you gentlemen, spot on target as always," Tom said over the radio. "Yes, I am a crystal radio."

Tom watched in disgust as one of Discord's tears fell to the floor and became a small, blue, singing dinosaur. His disgust and the creature grew as a second tear hit it. "Well, that's enough of that." He removed the floor and let the creature and the next tear fall forever. "Say hello to Lucifer when you hit bottom."

Tom looked at Discord, still shivering and crying. Tom shook side to side. "When will you ever learn?"

"I can't believe you did that!" Twilight shouted at him as they walked back to their temporary quarters.

He just stared at her uncomprehendingly as he walked.

"You 'RARRR' at Celestia!" Twilight said.

"Reroarrahroarreroar," he politely replied and shook a finger scoldingly at Twilight.

"It hardly makes a difference," Twilight countered.

"Well Rarrr is so common, and reroarrahroarreroar has a more musical tone," Rarity said thoughtfully, "Quite an important difference to the well-brought-up gentlecolt."

Twilight stared at her friend, then at the rest of the snickering group.

"He still thinks she kin stick a little sun in him and roast him inside out," Applejack pointed out, "He wouldn't a roared or reroararoared if'n he didn't reckon it was a game Celestia would play."

Twilight stared at all of them in utter amazement. "You don't understand."

"With respect, Sparkle, you don't understand," Trixie said, "I seriously doubt your mentor likes the pedestal you and others insist putting her on. He seems the only creature willing to play with her. So he played, she played back, and everyone accepts it was something else. Do you honestly believe the sudden increase in 'beeping' was for any reason other than Celestia did it, and all those movers and shakers suddenly could play a fantastic joke on all the trend followers?"

"You mean he might have played a joke on alla Equestria, and their Highnesses helped?" Applejack stammered, and took off her hat and held it over her heart, "Mah faith in pony nature is plumb shattered."

Twilight glanced around from one mirthful face to another with growing amazement. "But he made fun of her."

"Not without her full knowledge and consent, darling," Rarity said, "She could have thrown him into, well back into a dungeon. She didn't, because she figured the other ponies would either get the joke, or deserved to be confused."

"Poor Twi." Rainbow Dash patted Twilight's head. "Such an egghead, to be in the 'deserve to be confused' camp."

Twilight groaned and bowed her head.

"I think she doesn't like being on a pedestal," Fluttershy said.

"Yeah, not much room to walk, and that first wrong step is a doozy," Pinkie Pie added.

"Like I didn't like being a model," Fluttershy said.

"Or Trixie's dream," Derpy added.

"No . . ." Trixie gasped, then fell silent, as every eye fell on her, she sighed, "Very well. Trixie is tied to a wheel, and he tied her there." She glanced at Dinky, who was following alongside her mother. "It's clear he's excited, Trixie is equally excited, and things are apparently going to get very exciting," Trixie said and blushed, then frowned, "Then who should appear but Bearer of the Element of MAGIC!, Twilight Sparkle, complete with Heroic Glow! 'I am here to rescue you!' Well, Trixie has absolutely no interest in being rescued from her special somepony. And in this last one, while she was giving the heroic speech, he grabbed her tail, picked up her back end, so her she her back end was running in place and the front end was squealing that 'this isn't how it happens in books'. I've been 'rescued' from that dream eleven times by different Bearers, Princesses, and even BatMare, and Trixie never wanted to be rescued even once!"

The others chuckled about that.

"But, why not? If he tied you up?" Dinky asked.

"If a stranger started tickling you, would you be nervous?" Trixie asked.

"Yeah," Dinky said.

"But on Nightmare Night, you come home from school," Trixie said in spooky tone, "All the lights in the house are off, and all you can see are these glowing, orange fangs. And you hear your mother's voice, 'I am going to gobble you up little foal'. Then your momma pounces on you and starts tickling you, completely different, right?"

"Yeah," Dinky said, "Oh, you know he's not gonna hurt you, so a little scary is good."

"Exactly," Trixie agreed.

"Then why did everypony start blushing when you said you were excited?" Dinky asked.

"Oh look, we're here," Trixie said and pointed to the door to Celestia's room.

"Yay!" Dinky shouted and raced ahead, with Derpy right behind.

"Cheater," Applejack accused.

"A showmare knows when to run down the curtain and get off the stage," Trixie said.

"I thought you didn't trust wheels," Pinkie pointed out.

"Oh no, you'll miss the snipe hunting party!" Trixie gasped.

"Where?!" Pinkie gasped.

Trixie pointed to the door and Pinkie dashed after Dinky and Derpy. A second later she was back. "It got canceled on account of dough."

" 'Dough'?" Trixie asked.

"Yeah, the door is closed, so no dough," Pinkie said and grinned. "So, when I rescued you, did I bring cupcakes, or muffins? Or did I bring doughnuts? If it was late evening cupcakes are better, but in the morning doughnuts are better."

"Pastries did not enter into it," Trixie said.

"Well then it must have been an imposter," Pinkie said firmly, "If I'd been rescuing you, I would have brought pastries."

"I'll keep that in mind," Trixie said.

"I mean duh, even Discord started with chocolate rain, and he was just rescuing himself," Pinkie explained.

Trixie noted that the other Bearers had beat a quiet, but hasty retreat, leaving Trixie alone with Pinkie. "But you didn't bring pastries to rescue Princess Luna, now did you?"

Pinkie teared up. "You're right. I lost such a chance for a little party!" she wailed. Then she sobered. "That's why I've got party supplies stashed all over Ponyville, for just such an emergency."

"But we're in Canterlot," Trixie pointed out and started walking towards the door to her Highness' chambers.

"But it would take months to stash all the party supplies around here. Do you think the Princesses would mind?" Pinkie asked as they entered.

"You can ask," Princess Luna said.

The painstaking examination of the former location of the Ponyville Monster's house came to one conclusion. "None of the stones here can be distinguished from native Ponyville stones," Sangbleu commented, and then wrote down that conclusion in the notebook he'd brought. Other than the three fillies who seemed to have been watching with vague anticipation, and the recently returned, baby dragon who'd been taking his own notes, nopony shared in this Equestria-shattering revelation.

"So what now?" the dragon, Spike, asked.

"I get permission to examine the grounds where the house now lies. Then I get a blinding headache that the stones of a completely alien planet have chemical composition and mystical resonances exactly the same as Equestrian analogues," Sangbleu explained, "From a planet that has a different or nonexistent mystical tradition, that's just frightening."

"So what's next?" Spike asked.

"Brunch," the unicorn said, "And planning."

"Sugarcube Corners," Spike began.

"Had that for breakfast, and would like something other than bake goods for the rest of today," Sangbleu said and yawned, "And a nap."

"There's a couple of good restaurants in town," Spike said, then whispered, "Some are better than Canterlot, if you don't mind a second-rate presentation."

"Lead on, I always thought of food as being tasted, not looked at," Sangbleu said.

"You remind me of someone," Spike said absently, "Someone from Canterlot."

"Prince Blueblood," Sangbleu said. Then in a perfect copy of Blueblood's tone and manner, "If you didn't have such an, ugh, monotonous color scheme, you and I could be brothers."

"That's scary good," Spike said in wide-eyed amazement.

"Just takes practice and proximity," Sangbleu said in his normal tone, "Besides it's fun at parties. Of course people forget I'm there, and think they actually met him."

Spike nodded. "Well, you won't have to worry about running into him here. If Rarity catches him, she'll turn him into a throw rug."

"That might be interesting to watch," Sangbleu said, hoof on his chin, then he laughed, "No, who'd pay me to examine rocks, then?"

Luna opened the door to a room with high cabinets, all with covers blocking what they held. Luna gave a sigh of relief. At least Celestia's little secret is safe, Luna thought.

"Ooo! What's -?"

Spoke too soon, Luna thought and turned.

'PUT. THAT. DOWN!'

It wasn't the Royal Canterlot voice, it wasn't even Equestrian, but it was perfectly clear and brooked no defiance. The pink mare removed her hoof from proximity to the sheets covering one cabinet, the one concealing the 'Elements of Harmony' plushes, and fell into close formation between Rainbow Dash and Rarity. Occasionally glancing over her shoulder at the stern figure pointing at her.

Luna tried very hard not to smile at the change between 'touch everything, no personal space respecter' and 'nervous, follows the rules' Pinkie Pies.

The Big Guy brought up the rear with Trixie, and Trixie used the unicorn lock to seal the room. Luna led the group to the door to Ponyville. She briefly considered the danger of the door at the bottom of the stairs. No, we've got them controlled, and you'd need a key, or explosives to get in there. And what harm could they do, except to themselves? Luna considered, Talk to Celestia about covering that door over with a hoof-width of reinforced concrete. 'Nothing bad could happen, they could never get in,' who am I kidding?

The hallway that led to all the destinations was the same as Luna remembered, including the box she'd left there. Pinkie, predictably approached the box, then looked over her shoulder. The Big Guy stared at her, one eyebrow raised. Pinkie patted the box and put her friends between herself and the box as fast as possible, moving herself and them. She grinned back at the Big Guy, whose expression hadn't changed a bit.

Being one of the few people who'll yell at her seems to have its advantages, Luna considered as she headed towards the door to let Dinky and Derpy out. The others would stay for a moment.

"I'll be back in a bit," Derpy promised, and raced off with Dinky.

She's smarter that ponies give her credit for. A rock is smarter than ponies give her credit for, Luna amended.

"We going in, or going out?" Applejack asked, looking at the dim light and close quarters.

"Responsibilities, or claustrophobia?" Rarity asked quietly, not teasing, but wanting to know.

"Both, I reckon, always feel better in the open. And this place feels like a tomb outta a Daring Do book," Applejack admitted as she glanced around.

"Aw, there's nothing to be scared of in here," Rainbow condescendingly assured her, "It's all -"

"Woohahaha!" echoed off the walls.

"Who says he doesn't understand us," Trixie said, as Twilight tried to peel Fraidybow off of her and Applejack.

"I wasn't scared, I was just playing along," Rainbow said as she released the other two.

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash wouldn't lie, she was hugging you two and shivering like a filly to make it seem more real," Pinkie Pie came to Rainbow's 'defense', "And the rest of us weren't really scared either of a big spooky laugh echoing off the walls so you couldn't tell where it was coming from so it could be coming from everywhere and it was coming for you and AHHH!" Suddenly Pinkie was hugging Rainbow Dash.

"Pinkie, you scared yourself?" the pegasus asked.

"Nope, just a little demonstration, luh la luh la," she said and plonked away, stopping before the box, and following a square path to avoid it.

"Before someone hurts themselves," Luna said, "I think I'd better tell the secret."

"Back!" Derpy said as she closed the door behind her.

"As numerous people have told me, I broke his bed, I should get a replacement. I also need to face a few ghosts of my own," Luna said and looked at the others, "I would appreciate the help of a few ghost hunters on my trip."

Applejack stuck a hoof in Pinkie's mouth as she inhaled. "Not the kind ya'all kin giggle at Pinkie." She looked at Luna. "Yer talkin' about the castle, and yer old room," Applejack said.

"Yes. Celestia's magic preserved it, and I have not had the heart to return to the site of my two defeats, although I welcome the outcome of the second." She opened the box and removed what was there.

Pinkie gasped and covered Fluttershy's eyes. Trixie gasped and covered Twilight's eyes. Applejack gasped, and was growled at by Rarity. The farm pony just waved at her.

"Caught up in the moment," Applejack said and waved nervously.

"I made those." Rarity pointed out and looked over.

"I've seen those before," Twilight said as he picked up Trixie and moved her out of the way. "But aren't those a little inappropriate?"

"She's given him her bed . . . " Applejack said and fell silent.

Rarity sighed. "They are riding gear for creatures like the Big Guy, the styling is similar to something I found in the book he lent me. Although I could have made them much less, utilitarian," she said the word as if it were dirty.

"Uh, what is it?" Rainbow Dash asked, "It looks like a . . . " Then she got it. "Your Highness is going to wear that?"

"For a pony to wear it for another pony, it is exactly what you surmise," Rarity said primly, "For a pony, especially a winged pony, it is to keep a rider from falling off."

They realized the Big Guy had slipped away, because he was returned with a blanket that he carefully set on her croup rather than Luna's back.

"Shouldn't that go further forward?" Rarity asked.

"We tested it, if we placed it where it would go for pony play, it would interfere with my wings," Luna said as she moved them.

"Beg pardon, 'tested it'?" Applejack said.

"He, we had a dream. That he rode my back as we escaped by flight is all I shall reveal," Luna said, "Damn fire-breathing mice."

"Okay, that's enough for my curiosity," Twilight said, and watched as the Big Guy carefully saddled her Highness. Adjusting and tightening the straps.

Luna could see that were all getting more uncomfortable by the minute. "I want the pegasi to accompany us. My luck when being alone with him has been only slightly better than my sister's luck when she plans something for him."

"I think I have a way all of us can go," Twilight offered, "If I can get some help from Rarity and Trixie."

"Proceed, if you wish," Luna said, she looked away from the ponies and at the Big Guy who held the bit in one hand and the bridle in the other. "I am committed, am I not?" she said quietly, and took the bridle with her magic, and fitted around her muzzle. "Your hands are cleaner than my hooves," she told him, and opened her mouth. She was aware of the ponies staring, and that while it would not give him the level of control it might on a non-sentient animal, it was still a tremendous showing of submission.

Maybe I should suggest this to Celestia, get ponies to quit worshiping at her feet, Luna thought as he carefully and apprehensively approached. No, if she plans it, she'll get a wild hair to fly high and the heat of the sun will make him burst into flames, or the thin air will kill him. She held still as the wood slipped into the spaces between her teeth. Or he'll just fall off, she thought as he reached inside and adjusted it. She carefully clamped just her lips down hard on his hands, not touching his skin with her teeth. Both to remind him of her strength, and so the others couldn't see what her tongue was doing with his fingers.

His frustrated grin made it worth it. He pulled his hand out and mimed wiping it on her coat, but wiped it on his shirt, before setting the bit into the fittings on the bridle. He didn't take the bridle, or lead her by the reins, but collected the long weapon and small pack he'd brought along with the blanket.

How did he move so quietly, or are we ponies so inattentive he can move among us without being noticed? Luna wondered as she walked towards the door.

He held the door, but Derpy took that position and nudged him toward Luna. There would scarcely have been room in the hall to mount Celestia. I'm, short enough for this, she thought as he climbed aboard and with Rarity's help got his feet in the stirrups. He leaned down low to avoid bashing his head on the door frame as Luna leapt through the door and was airborne.

She immediately discovered one advantage of being pursued by a horde of fire-breathing mice. Immortality means I don't really have to breathe, she thought of the death grip he had on her throat, I think he could strangle a dragon.

She squeaked a noise, and repeated it. He relented, giving her enough slack to breathe, and made an apologetic noise, but still held on for dear life.

I wonder if Discord was 'translating', she pondered as she decided to keep the maneuvers down to the minimum. I should have let Derpy explain how she carries Dinky. She doesn't even have a saddle.

Derpy and Rainbow Dash took up positions alongside, but Luna couldn't spot Fluttershy. Then she caught a glimpse of a pink mane and a butter-colored wing. She's directly behind, and I didn't feel her. Maybe that 'weak flier' just doesn't cause the disturbances other pegasi create as they fly. She craned her neck for a moment, and saw the smiling pegasi had a hoof on the Big Guy's back, assuring him that even if he fell, someone would instantly catch him. While he kept a tight grip with his legs around her barrel, a sensation she found oddly sensual and enjoyable, it wasn't the death grip he'd had with his arms around her neck a few moments later. She nodded to Fluttershy, who smiled back.

The cloud that rose, and was now following them, contained the rest of the friends. Sveti was pushing the cloud along more like a pegasus would than a griffon. Lyra's and Trixie's horns glowed softly, leaving Rarity and Twilight to watch their progress and step in if needed.

The convoy turned towards the Castle of the Pony Sisters. Luna felt only trepidation as they flew over Everfree. We overthrew chaos, then took one of the most naturally chaotic places in Equestria as our home, Luna thought as they flew, Sometimes I wonder if we were thinking clearly, or if we wanted a barrier around our home from the very ponies we had saved. I was there and I still don't have answers.

She briefly considered a detour to Zecora's, but decided against it. Stay on course, keep it simple, she reminded herself.

Sangbleu looked up at the sight of the collection of fliers. All right, someone else likes to operate against type, he thought as he concentrated on the soil of Sweet Apple Acres. Interesting. So much crushed stone, mixed in with the organic material. No wonder this place is so successful. But it won't last, eventually they'll have to spread more minerals for the trees. Say in forty or fifty years.

He politely ignored the three fillies who'd been stalking him. They are curious about a stranger acting weird, he reminded himself, They have no idea who I am. I doubt they'd know if I told them.

The stallion working the fields had passed him twice, but since he wasn't on the family's land, he'd only been mildly curious. The farm stallion had spoken with the fillies, and continued on to his chores. Sangbleu decided not to get close to the fillies. Like you don't get between a bear and her cub, he thought as he collected a sample of the minerals, And I'll forward the results to the botanical group. If the minerals are the source of the magic, that may be what makes the Zap Apples possible.

"Celestia's mercy!" he shouted and pointed.

The fillies gasped, looked and missed him fading from sight. He carefully picked his way down the road as they searched for him. He knew they could track his hoofprints, but that would take time and he'd be in a position to drop the spell and walk away. As soon as he broke line of sight, he dropped the spell and trotted back towards Ponyville.

As the force arrived in the interior courtyard of the castle, Luna felt both exultant, and terrified. She also was disturbed by her reaction to the sensual pleasure of weight pressing against her back, the legs wrapped around her barrel and the arms around her neck as she flew. I'll have to tease Twilight about how she carries her assistant, she briefly considered. She turned and shook her head as he tried to dismount.

He looked curious, but kept his seat.

With my luck, you'll trip and split your head open, she thought as Fluttershy stayed close, fluttering around to ensure he stayed safe, letting Luna concentrate on where she put her hooves, the loose rubble and possibly weaknesses over the underground portions of the castle. I doubt that anypony has thoroughly examined this place since Celestia abandoned it for Canterlot, she thought as she walked through the halls.

The Bearers and the others landed and formed up. None strayed too far from the others. Their uncertainty worked in her favor.

I don't want them getting lost, or out of position where they could help, she thought. Then a roar of something large and angry sounded through the hall. She smirked that the Big Guy had the long weapon in hand and was scanning the area, as if the small weapon that was fine against Diamond Dogs would affect something the size of a hydra or even a manticore. Or it might have an effect, she realized, If he hits it in the eye. Then that projectile will be in the brain. It might affect a large creature.

None of them made a sound as they listen for whatever made the noise. Luna watched them all, and the differences between the species were laid out before her. Fluttershy stays near the Big Guy looking every which way. Twilight and Rainbow Dash search for targets, while Rarity and Applejack form a second line to rush forward or be the rally point for the more aggressive pair. Pinkie Pie watches and listens. Derpy and Lyra looked about nervously, but unconsciously move to extend Rarity and Applejack's line. The mares had unconsciously formed to defend the stallion. Sveti watches everywhere, but conceals herself to pounce upon an interloper. And the Big Guy has the long weapon pointed in the general direction he is looking, but held loosely so tension wouldn't slow his reaction.

It's like a pack of ants trying to defend an elephant, Luna thought of the collection, As if anything could really threaten me.

Trixie was facing the exact opposite direction of all the others, scanning the area intently.

Ah, she assumes misdirection, Luna thought. He slipped off her back and advanced with the long weapon, the spear tip extended, on a cabinet. The roar sounded through the hall. Derpy joined Trixie as they flanked the Big Guy as he advanced across the floor.

Luna watched as he knelt, aimed his weapon at a cabinet, and nodded to Trixie. The roar began again, and the door wrenched open, revealing a fat, old woodchuck, who glanced around nervously. Whether it was the Big Guy with the weapon, and his 'you are lunch' expression, or Sveti moving up to reinforce him, the woodchuck ran from the hall and leapt out a window.

The others sighed and chuckled. The Big Guy shook his head. Luna let them relax slightly then pointed at the staircase. "We still need to head up there," she told them and headed up the stairs.

Rainbow raced ahead, and discovered the doors wouldn't open no matter how she strained.

"Not feelin' yer oats?" Applejack asked.

"Okay cowpony, you try it," the pegasus exclaimed and stepped aside to let her friend try.

Luna watched her strain, and even kick the door to no avail. Then Twilight tried her magic. The doors briefly glowed with the characteristic tone of Twilight's magic, but even after a millennium, the magic binding the doors and their contents held firm.

"Why do I feel you are amusing yourself with our antics?" Trixie asked, "You could have opened that door at anytime, and we wouldn't gain entry if we blasted through the walls."

"Correct," Luna said, "But it was fun you all presuming yourselves stronger than Celestia."

Chagrined, the ponies stepped away from the doors. Luna touched them with her horn, and the doors swung inward, as they had for years, but not for the last thousand. Derpy led the Big Guy inside, there they began pulling sacks from the mailmare's saddlebags.

"You want all your stuff, don't you?" Derpy asked as she pulled out newspaper to wrap the various items and brick-a-brack that occupied spaces on the tables and other furnishings.

"I hadn't considered that," Luna admitted as she looked around at her room. The only sign of what had happened all those centuries ago was the smashed mirror. Everything else was exactly as she'd left it that fateful night.

She wasn't aware of her collapse, or her tears until the ponies closed in around her. The Big Guy sat before her, scratching her behind the ears. She seized him in a hug and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Tom floated above the floors through the corridors of his host's mind. He spotted a pony that looked like King Sombra having a bad hair and horn day. The creature's two horns and unkempt mane and tail, as well as the way it skulked down the middle of a pathway wide enough for a four-lane highway told Tom quite a bit.

"So, you are . . . ?" Tom asked as he maneuvered over the creature.

"I am the pony devil, here to offer life, love and happiness, at the cost his immortal soul," the creature said and attempted a horrifying laugh. It wasn't a patch on their host's. "And what do you want? I have spare contracts."

"Friends recently gave me what I want, but I am Tom. Long Tom to my friends."

"Pride is a sin you know, LOOONNG Tom. Long Tom because you're popular with the ladies like Rarity?" the creature asked and thrust his hips forward.

"Not really," Tom said, and fired the 155-mm M2 rifle at his target. The smoking heap of fried grease seemed incapable of further exposition, so Tom floated away. "All right, this psychosis has gone from juvenile to infantile, so it's time to rouse my other self from the dinosaur-induced, diabetic coma, and start dealing with this problem." He passed a crude graffiti of 'Yankee Go Home' undersigned with better workmanship with 'But I'm Canadian'. "I think I have had just about enough of this."

Derpy had pulled out all the canvas bags the Big Guy had brought in his pack. She arranged them with the newspapers and other sacks she'd brought, and now she and Rarity were carefully packing all the Princess' gewgaws and knickknacks. Some were clearly grooming aids, and some Derpy couldn't figure out at all.

She glanced back at her Highness, still sniffling a little, and directing the disassembly of the massive bed that was to be a gift to the Big Guy to replace the one that Luna had destroyed. Derpy smirked. It's large enough for all of us to cuddle around him, she thought happily. Then looked at haughty Trixie and aristocratic Princess Luna, and at erudite Lyra, and wondered, What does he see in me? Does he pity me, or is there something about me he really likes? She forced the thought aside. He loved teaching Dinky math, he loved the picnic we had, he's been happy to see me when I arrive. Maybe a simple, ordinary pegasus can't understand what he sees in simple, ole me. I can understand he likes it, whatever it is, and trying to be more of what it is has messed up even Princess Celestia. I guess just being me is the best I can do.

She continued her work as the others carefully disassembled the large piece of furniture.

"Uh, how are we going to transport that back to the door in Ponyville?" Derpy asked, "The cloud will never hold it, and we didn't bring a sling to carry it, or pads to keep it from bumping and breaking itself."

Everyone froze as they looked at each other. After a moment, the Big Guy snickered. He walked over to the room's linen closet and removed several blankets and began wrapping the parts. Twilight facehooved.

Derpy only smiled, Clever, but simple. Maybe that's why I like him too, she thought as the others wrapped up the bed. He collected several of the canvas bags onto a blanket. He also pulled some of the wash clothes and smaller towels to help them pad what they were packing for her Highness. He walked to a chest of drawers and began to pull one open, when Luna galloped over and kicked it shut. She grinned nervously at him.

He shrugged and returned to the linen closet to get sheets and blankets to start wrapping the chest of drawers as it stood.

"What do you suppose is in that drawer?" Rarity whispered.

"Something we're better off not knowing about," Derpy replied firmly as she continued packing, now using the content of the linen closet to help pad the breakables for transport.

Rarity snickered, but Derpy didn't want to anger the very touchy Princess.

Tom returned to Discord's private room, pulling a rack of fish behind him. Tom turned slightly. "Some of these can't be seen, but they could be smelt, by the hard of herring. Some are slightly off note, so they need to see a tuna fish. But I need the right one." He scanned the rack. "It would be easier if this was a rack of lamb, 'he said sheepishly.' Haddock? No, he's enough of a haddock as it is. AH!" He grabbed a fish and held it above him. "There can be only one!" he shouted, then lowered his voice and the fish, "And it primarily benefits the fish as well. I always want to smack him just for the halibut." Tom looked over. "It's not my fault that I have to remind some of you that I am a piece of Discord. Blame that guy in his grandmother's basement in Pasadena for sending the hate mail." He swatted Discord across the face with the fish.

"Clam Chowder!" Discord shouted as he looked around.

"Manehatten or Neigh England style?" Tom asked.

Discord looked at him with wild eyes, wilder than usual. "It was terrible."

"You do need to learn not to force the issue," Tom reminded him.

"Oh I learned that! I assure you I learned that . . . can you put the floor back?" Discord asked.

"Certainly," Tom replaced the floor in the room, and ran a vacuum cleaner over it. Pulled by a sled-bunny team, each one in his own color-coded parka.

Discord dropped down from the chandelier. No humorous noises sounded and the chaos spirit seemed vaguely paranoid.

"Sir -" Tom began and stopped as Discord jumped.

"Oh, yes, you," Discord said and chuckled nervously, "I have learned my lesson. Play it straight, he gets very vicious when he thinks someone is trying to hurt him."

"I rather think the roaring contest and the subsequence siege of the blue dinosaurs was unpleasant," Tom pointed out, "But hardly worth that description."

"Oh, I left that behind after you removed the floor," Discord said as he began examining the furnishings, looking under them for hidden dangers or listening devices.

"Then what?" Tom asked patiently.

"Someone tried to break in here," Discord said, finishing his examination by checking over his beloved chair.

"Here, as in this specific here, or the more general here," Tom asked, gaining a measure of worry himself.

"They didn't find your stash of Wonderbolts memorabilia," Discord said disgustedly, "Or your Cadence wedding dolls."

"They are action figures," Tom said primly, "And getting the prerelease version of the Tuxedo Shining Armor took a most dogged bidding war."

"Fine, 'action figures'," Discord said dismissively, then sobered, "At least neither of us has a blowup Celestia." He shuddered at that.

Tom was equally disgusted. "This story is rated for Everyone, perhaps we should change the subject."

"Not much of a change, the intruder snuck in here, into his mind, disguised as Celestia, bold as brass," Discord said.

How does one sneak in as bold as brass? Tom wondered, picked up the wad of paper flung at him.

" 'Iz easy dude sneekz by bolding as Cleesta,'," Tom read, then crumbled up the note. "Either get a bloody spellchecker on your smart phone or a real keyboard."

"I take it you dealt with the interloper," Tom said, and noted how frightened his counterpart was. "He dealt with it, then what is your concern?"

"He pierced her belly with his -"

"Rated for Everyone," Tom reminded him.

"Okay, fine, then cut her/him/whoever was masquerading as Celestia from sternum to crotch, while the ersatz Celestia screamed and begged for mercy. But rather than bleed and be filled with things requiring the Gore Tag and a Mature rating, she was filled with air. She started deflating once he punched a hole in her, and he didn't cut her open until she was nearly done, nearly empty. Of course, she was terrified by the experience, the helplessness and the fear of death."

"I suspect that was rather the point," Tom said disparagingly.

"Yes, I guessed that too. Still, when facing an opponent with no imagination, imaginative punishments are an order of magnitude more terrifying," Discord offered, still agitated by what he'd seen, "Then, after he made the hole big enough, he pulled himself inside her empty skin. It stretched a few places, was loose in others. All the time her eyes were moving, you could see the whites as her terror grew. Trapped, a suit for another creature, unable to move, unable to affect what happened to her."

"Disturbing," Tom agreed, "Did he parade around in his new clothes?"

"No. He picked up a cylinder with some weird hoses and gizmos attached, and strapped it on himself, but only after he fitted the mouthpiece over her horn and inflated the suit a little. Then he dove into the ocean."

Where'd he get the ocean? Tom wanted to ask, but kept listening.

"So he caught a couple of lobster, a few abalone, and some crabs, and returned to the surface," Discord continued in his haunted tones.

"Terrifying, seafood for lunch, what horrors have been released on Equestria?" Tom said, earning a glare from Discord.

"Yes, seeing the terror of someone looking just like Celestia as she failed to understand what was happening, and the only movement she could manage was the rather pathetic flapping of her half-limp wings. It's what he did next," the draconequus said coldly, "After he climbed out of the ocean with the seafood, he took the skin off, and sealed it back up. Then he put the mouthpiece back on her horn, and blew her up, just enough to let her flop around helplessly, no strength and no coordination."

"Like a beached fish?" Tom asked.

Discord stared at him. "I am at least trying to give this story some gravitas. Do you have to sneer at everything? You have completely ruined the mood!" Discord complained.

"Perhaps because I find the method of death ridiculous, and even I can guess it," Tom said, "You have a pony balloon and a high-pressure gas cylinder. I assume he let her helplessness terrify her, then offered to inflate her, inflated her to immobility, and them ever so slowly took her to the limits, with the associated creaks and groans of an overstretched balloon. Perhaps each feather on her wings forming their own little bubble to squeak and threaten imminent explosion."

"Well, yes," Discord said, "But I would have made it properly spine chilling."

"There are almost too many characters in this story for most readers to keep track of. Unless you learned the identity of this intruder before his/her/its dream manifestation went kablooie, I seriously doubt they care."

"Even if he fed the scraps to lions and tigers?" Discord said.

"Even if he flew them straight into their mouths like sailcats, Rest in Peace Mr. Winters," Tom said solemnly. Discord produced a chocolate cake and blew Taps.

"Okay, so he applied a rather terrifying and unusual torture to someone who broke into his mind in the guise of Celestia. I hardly think that's really what's bothering you," Tom said.

"You think I think that he thinks that I think he'll do that to me?" Discord said.

"No," Tom said dryly, "I am very sure he would not attack you that way. You have embarrassed him at most, and even when Luna and Celestia, and Pinkie Pie caused him injury, he realized they had no malice so he did not respond to that. But that actually is secondary."

"Secondary?" Discord asked, "What's primary?"

"I think you're jealous," Tom said.

"I'm jealous about being terrified, cut, stretched past my breaking point and being thrown in shattered fragments to lions?" Discord asked, "I think you've finally cracked."

"What you are jealous of, is the attention, not what the attention consists of," Tom said, "You aren't jealous about being terrified and tortured, you are jealous about the intricate attention. You've been poking at Celestia, and would appreciate her driving her horn into your guts almost as much as pleasant chat, as long as it's all focused intensely on you."

"That's ridiculous," Discord said and turned his back on Tom, although the rest of him still faced the sphere.

"Oh, then look at your mentor. He's afraid of Celestia, but he can play with her in front of all the others, as long as he remembers to give her a way out. You know as well as I do that he didn't have to let her win the 'roar at each other' challenge, but doing it let him keep playing."

Discord glowered at the crystalline entity.

"Haven't you wondered what he sees in Derpy?" Tom asked, "It is the quality of her attention. He can be quiet around her, and she knows that despite his ferocious reputation and capabilities, she protects him. She doesn't have to do anything, but they both know they are happier together sitting quietly than separate."

"You act like she's some kind . . . of security blanket," Discord said and his jaw dropped, followed by his eyes, horns, eye sockets and color.

"That seems like an impressive idea?" Tom asked, "When you've pulled yourself together, would you care to share?"

The aerial procession drew the attention of everyone in Ponyville as the massive collection of cargo-carrying clouds and their flight-capable neighbors headed towards the door in the park. They also saw Princess Luna among the group, flitting here and there among the cargo bundles. As nervous as a filly with her first ribbons.

The entire assembly settled down outside the door, and had an immediate and interested audience. The Big Guy clambered out of the cloud he'd been riding on and stepped onto the ground. Zecora was among the observers of the arriving collection.

"Seek you near and seek you far, in Ponyville and there you are," Zecora said to Twilight, "So this is the Monster of Ponyville, losing that title was quite a thrill."

Twilight grinned nervously at that. She glanced at the Big Guy, who was arranging the loads to pass them through the door, while the others rested after their long trip.

"We were considering passing by your home, but having this collection suddenly descend on your doorstep might not have been a welcome surprise," Twilight explained.

"The surprise would be yours, I in fact was out of doors," she replied, "Rumors aplenty I have heard, what real magic have you observed?"

"Machines, that do incredible things, and he somehow can do something that paralyzed all the ancient villains of Equestria, and keeps Discord fascinated," Twilight said, "I think he's crazy."

"Frightened you, did he not? Hated that, quite a lot," Zecora warned, "Underestimated foes, knock you out, not keep you on your toes."

He walked up to the door and rolled up his sleeve. His whistle brought everyone's attention. Twilight nodded and watched as the Big Guy tapped on the front and sides of the freestanding door with a long stick.

"Who is the student and who is the master?" Zecora asked and indicated Trixie watching the performance with interest.

He gestured for Luna to come forward. The Princess did, among the gasps from some of the more religiously royalist community members. He held the stick next to Luna, measuring her length, and then beside the door. His pantomime of confusion seemed to say 'I don't think she'll fit.'

Luna regarded the histrionics with growing disdain. The Big Guy picked up on this before most of the audience, and opened the door, letting Luna and most of the parcels pass through. The bed notably remained behind. He closed the door and walked around it, tapping with his stick and reciting an almost musical line of patter about something.

Once he finished circling, he held the stick against the edge of the door, and indicated Luna's length in comparison. The ponies laughed at the display. He shouted what might have been a charlatan's 'magic words' as he tapped the door. Then he flung it open.

"Hello, my little ponies," Celestia said as she stuck her head out the door.

The Big Guy threw his hands in the air and fell down in 'surprise'. The crowd loved it. He hit the stick against the ground a few times, carefully listened to it, and waved Celestia back through the door. Twilight and a few others gasped at the audacity as Celestia compiled, closing the door after her.

He walked around the door, tapping it with the stick, and shouting words that sounded a good deal harsher than the first 'incantation'. He yanked the door open.

"Hello, my little ponies," Celestia said as she stuck her head out the door.

The Big Guy stared at Celestia, stared at his stick, stared at Celestia, then broke the stick in two over his knee and flung one piece one way and the other the opposite way. He slunk over to Trixie and gestured at Celestia, who still stood grinning in the door way.

Trixie stared at him in utter horror. Celestia blew a raspberry at him. He turned and charged the door screaming. Celestia closed it 'at the last moment' so he crashed into it. As he fell slowly to the ground, the crowd laughed at their antics. Lyra and Derpy ran up. They were joined by Dinky. Dinky's horn glowed as she walked around it, giving it a delicate kick here and there. Lyra and Derpy dragged the 'corpse' away as Dinky performed her circuit. The little unicorn strained to use the door latch.

"Hello, my -" came out sounding natural for Celestia, then came the most defective Luna impression in living memory, "I am Princess Luna! Fear me!"

"Worst imitation of an Alicorn's tones, hearing it shivers straight through my bones," Zecora said.

"But that is Princess Luna," Twilight gasped, as the rest of the crowd burst into laughter.

The Lunar Diarch had taken her 'Celestia-size' form, and occasionally shook a back hoof to dislodge the moon cutie mark stencil that drying paint had glued to her hoof. The overall effect looked like a Luna impersonation even the Cutie Mark Crusaders would be ashamed to own.

Once Lyra and Derpy began laughing at the ridiculous scene, the rest of the citizenry joined in. With the notable exception of Twilight and Trixie, who still viewed the entire event with a level of utter disbelief. Somewhere along the line, Celestia had taken the bed pieces inside, presumably to set them up. Luna looked around at the laughing citizens, she stood in her Celestia-like, 'Nightmare Moon' size, shape, but not appearance, and the citizens only laughed.

Celestia joined her sister, and whispered in her ear. The Solar Diarch nodded to the Big Guy, who nodded back and headed through the door with Derpy, Lyra and Dinky in tow. Twilight didn't miss the absolutely venomous look Luna gave to the Big Guy as he left, or his apologetic nod. Acknowledging his misstep. Luna's expression returned to bemused as the ponies surrounded her and Celestia.

"It's like whatever, whenever they get together, all rational expectations just sizzle away to smoke," Twilight said as the Ponyville ponies actually laughed with their Highnesses.

"Life passed before your eyes, because of this delightful surprise?" Zecora asked Twilight, "A sense of humor your mentor has got, although you were certain she had not? And the Big Guy's punishment for Les majesty, Luna will be quite harsh, are you eager to see?"

Twilight looked at how delighted her mentor was. "I can't understand why she lets him do that, to treat her so . . . "

"Like a playful friend?" Zecora asked.

Twilight grimaced at that. "Why does it sound like a rebuke?"

"No one wants to be just one thing to everyone," Zecora replied and walked over to the crowd surrounding the Princesses.

I want to go yell at him for affronting Princess Celestia's dignity, but Princess Celestia didn't have a problem with it. Or the roaring contest, Twilight realized, She seems to accept, and even like the games he plays with her. Luna clearly doesn't, but she understands fun and modern ways so poorly, she might not understand that the games actually elevate Celestia's status. Pony calling the mule hooved. I didn't realize that until just now. She gets to be who she really is for a moment, instead of the soft, gentle pony she always portrays herself as. Today, she got to prove she was fierce, fiercer, than the nastiest thing to hit Equestria. And she got to prove she was clever, by doing something nopony would ever ask her to do, and doing it well.

Rarity had walked over. "If you keep making that face, it might stick that way," her fellow unicorn said.

"Just having something rubbed in my face, and really not liking it," Twilight admitted, "You all tease me about 'worshiping' Celestia. I just never realized how limiting my vision, and many ponies' vision of her was. Our friend elevates her too, but while I put her on a pedestal."

"He has her walk across the ceiling?" Rarity asked, "Twilight, even I don't want to be seen as only a fashion designer. Yes I want to be recognized as one. But I also want ponies I care about to know there's more to me than a pretty face and a deft horn."

Twilight smirked. "Yes, I've noticed that neither Applejack nor Rainbow will 'roughhouse' with you, and not just because you'd turn them down."

"Why Twilight, what ever could you mean?" Rarity asked, a hoof on her chest.

"I think they aren't sure they'd win," Twilight said.

"Ah, I've never been so insulted," Rarity said and flipped her mane, "I'm going to take you over where your mentor can punish you." Rarity's magic lifted Twilight slightly off the ground, and despite her hooves going the other way, she headed towards Celestia.

Lyra watched him measure the area in the room, and compare it with the measurements he'd taken of the bed frame. She'd been glad to assist in moving the furniture around to accommodate the much larger structure. She desperately tried to keep the glee from her expression as she thought, He'll have space for a 'pony pile' any time he's home. She sobered herself, Don't push. And I may be counting my chickens before they've hatched. That look her Highness gave him after the little magic show may mean she'll take her toys and go home. Human, if that is what you are, you have got to quit enjoying living so dangerously.

She watched Derpy and Dinky also watch him, and briefly wondered where his 'official' guard was. She should be here. Although the danger is minimal, Lyra thought as heard a knocking at the door. The Big Guy accompanied Lyra to the front door.

Sweetie Drops was there, looking very chagrined and nervous. She nodded to the Big Guy, and greeted Lyra with a simple hello.

The Big Guy stood aside for her, then glanced outside before closing the door.

"Aren't you going to say 'I told you so?'" Sweetie Drops asked.

Lyra hugged her. "No," she replied, "I still haven't proved they are native to Equestria. And if they aren't, why does this place look like a scaled up version of our homes. Scissors, switches, chairs and benches, why do they all look like they'd fit him perfectly, and are awkward for us?" she asked as they followed the Big Guy back to the bedroom. "Tell me there's anything in here that would look completely out of place in a pony home, or a university? It doesn't make sense, unless they developed them. How we got them? That's theology."

"Have you told him any of your theories? Or can he still not talk?" Sweetie Drops asked.

"He can communicate, but I think there are things that set off stable ponies." Lyra grinned at her skeptical friend. "I think we need to get him stable here first. I mean it's only been three weeks. And with all the weird stuff that's happened to him, having some nice, normal, slightly boring ponies around is probably more welcome."

"My momma isn't boring," Dinky replied loyally.

"Compared to Pinkie Pie, even Celestia is boring," Sweetie Drops replied.

"Next week?" Trixie asked as she, Twilight and Celestia stood in the library.

"Your service has been exemplary," Celestia said, "Three weeks is sufficient. It is clear you've learned your lesson. Tomorrow would be the last day of your second week. After that, you may stay or go as you please."

"So, I could stay?" Trixie said, barely trusting all the differing emotions raging through her.

Stay or go, she thought, I could return to the stage. With the 'recompense' from the dragon queen, I could buy a new wagon, with all my props and supplies restored. How will I explain it? Do I even want to? Do I even want to go?

"That's wonderful, you can be back on the road, entertaining adoring throngs, and you'll have exploits you won't even have to brag about," Twilight said happily, "In fact, if you tell the truth about them, some people may not even believe them."

"Trying to get his library all to yourself?" Trixie asked and raised an eyebrow.

"I'll leave you two to discuss it," Celestia said and stepped outside.

"You've been pushing the limits quite a lot with me," Twilight said patiently, "But I realized that it isn't important. You aren't my friend, but you seem to be his. Whatever you decide is your decision. I won't try to influence you," Twilight said, "The translation has been ordered by the Princesses, and I'll do it. The griffon team will also be working on it."

"So whatever I decide is on my head," Trixie said, "You play the game well, when you finally decide to play." Trixie walked out of the library into the growing darkness.

"You need to have a little fun, sister," Celestia said as she entered the hallway that led to both their home, and his.

"We didn't do fun when we were young," Luna replied quietly.

"We don't have Discord now, except one little piece that our friend keeps enmeshed in webs of fascination," Celestia said, "It was play, but neither body nor mind was hurt. And a bruise to Royal Dignity will heal quickly enough. You hurt him when you refused to play."

Luna sighed. "Why does he have to be so frivolous?"

"Because he is a masterful killer and destroyer, who is trying to step lightly on a world not his own. And in his own way, he is trying to help both you and me. Seeing things we don't, or have shut out of our lives when we were more like him. Discord, Sombra, Nistag, they did not fall to persuasion or a gentle word. We struck them, hard."

"And Nightmare Moon?" Luna asked, "She, I, deserved my fate. And I remember and put away that part of me."

"Put it away, but do not deny it is part of you. That is part of what he is trying to point out. That what I have done, is cling to things too long because they became what ponies expect, and after Discord they needed that stability. That stability is becoming something our ponies could do with less of. We are not absolutely needed. Unicorns once raised the sun and moon themselves. Pegasi controlled the weather, without direction from Cloudsdale or Canterlot."

"And ponies made war on each other," Luna pointed out, "Do you wish to return to those days?"

"No," Celestia said and nuzzled Luna, "But to a different world than we occupy now. But I don't know how. He does. It will be a delicate act, balancing what we think is good for our ponies, what the ponies think is good for them, and whatever crazy ideas he puts forth. Don't turn away from him because the early steps of this dance have been clumsy. We've trodden on his feet a time or two with our missteps."

"I do not like to be mocked," Luna ground out.

"Have a care sister," Celestia warned, "Having absolutely no one who will play with you, is the loneliest life you can imagine. You know that from your imprisonment within the moon. I know it, surrounded by adoring ponies. Would you care to fill bushels with our pain and see which overflows more?" Celestia headed through the door to their apartments. The parcels had already been removed. Only the bed and its fixturing remained in the hall.

Luna sighed and lifted it with her magic. She rang the doorbell and waited to be allowed entry. She hid her glare at him as best she could, but his little game still rankled.

Inside his bedroom, the space for the bed was clearly laid out, and apparently, the others had been waiting. The mirth in the room effectively vanished as she arrived. The ponies were respectful. The Big Guy seemed chagrined.

Celestia wouldn't understand, but I prefer it this way, Luna thought as she assembled the bedframe in midair, Respectful, but not frightened. I'll let Celestia be the 'fun' one.

She set the completed frame in place, put the mattress and sheets in place as she lowered them onto the completed frame. She enjoyed their amazement at her skill.

Derpy glanced around. We were 'pony piling' the Big Guy, she thought, So the dark I understand, but why can't I move? Why can't I talk?

The sudden burst of light, dim as it was, made her squint. The Big Guy looked at her, then unzipped her belly and took her off the hanger and carried her out of the closet. He laid her on his new bed and carefully brushed her off.

She giggled inside as the brush passed through her fur and caressed her skin. She wanted to smile and tell him not to tease her. He turned her over and brushed out her wings. She silently giggled more.

He carefully stepped in through the unzipped opening, putting his legs inside her legs, his arms within her arms. Once he'd zipped her up, which made her giggle, she hugged him tightly for a moment.

He stepped outside and looked at her wings. She extended one, and he checked the joints and the feathers carefully. Then he looked at the other and she extended that one. He checked it just as carefully.

She hugged him carefully as she extended her wings and lifted him into the air. Their target was Canterlot some distance away. But she knew he trusted her to get him there safe and sound.

Fluttershy glanced around. Where am I? It's so dark! she thought worriedly, What's happening, is this a dream? Where are my friends? she wanted to shout, but couldn't make even the slightest noise. The Big Guy opened the door and reached towards her. She silently giggled as he unzipped her belly and pulled her off the hanger. She tittered silently. Oh, this is one of those dreams. I really should take him flying again, and take Derpy as a safety pegasus. I guess this is a reminder that I should just do it. He liked it, and I think he likes flying.

She enjoyed the gentle brushing out of her coat and then he turned her over to brush out her wings.

She laughed inwardly at it all. I'd never have the courage to ask, but maybe I should talk to Derpy, she laughed inwardly.

He stepped inside her through the zippered opening. She felt the faint chill of his skin.

Don't be worried, she wanted to soothe him, It'll be all right. I won't let you fall. You've trusted me before, you can trust me again, she thought as he zipped himself inside.

He stepped outside, glanced back, and carefully tugged on her wing. She extended it, and blushed as he checked her feathers and the joints of her wing. The heat of her blush warred with the decreasing chill of his skin. She extended her other wing automatically when he turned his attention to her other wing. He stepped away from the house and took a few jogging steps, and let her lift him into the air. She carefully circled the house, checking its condition.

Rarity opened her eyes, and felt something inside her. Oh know, I can't be clothing! I can't be off-the-rack! she thought in horror, Oh Rarity, calm down, you can never be pret-a-porter, you will always be haute couture.

He opened the closet door.

He looks awful, she thought as she looked at the tiredness he wore like a cloak. The poor thing, she thought as he unzipped her and carried her to the bed. There he gently brushed her out.

Well, he knows how to treat a lady, she thought, This must be one of the dreams they talked about. I hope this isn't Nightmare's return. We should be ready for the unusual, and we'll have to remember to talk about our dreams.

He turned her over and was especially careful with her butterfly like wings.

Oh wonderful! she thought happily. He carefully stepped into her, and she admired herself in the window's reflection. Well, I do make a striking fashion statement, but I must admit the wings make me spectacular, she thought as he stepped outside.

She extended her wings and took to the air.

He aimed towards Canterlot and she eagerly carried him towards it. Such a chance to show them what it means to be Rarity! she thought eagerly.

Discord was transforming himself into the Big Guy as he approached Rainbow Dash's dream space. "What are you doing?" Luna asked as she stood between Discord and his target.

"Just learning a lesson about friendship," Discord admitted, "Something you really need to do."

"I?" the alicorn exclaimed.

"Yes," Discord said, "They should have reacted with horror at being reduced to a mere suit of clothing, until they saw whose clothing they were and that they were still his protectors and trusted allies when he did something dangerous for him and trivial for them. Even Fluttershy exulted in that role." Discord leaned close. "Imagine, holding him safe and warm inside you as he flew where he willed, on your own wings."

Luna pawed the ground, looking uncertain, then grimaced. "I won't be tricked by you! You were the invader of their dreams, not him! There is nothing you can say or do that will let me pass you to warp the dreams of other ponies."

"Never say never, Highness," came a cultured voice behind her.

Luna looked around the darkness that surrounded her. Okay, I have to learn that even a fragment of Discord is powerful. And my own desires can thwart my duties, she thought as she felt the light fall on her.

He peered at the odd clothing hanging in his closet. She inaudibly whickered nervously as he ran a finger over her soft fur. Then he yanked his hand back and stared in horror.

No! No! No! Luna wanted to scream, You didn't skin me! I'm fine! Her fear became anger. Discord! If you scare him away with this stupid 'test', I'll turn you into solid stone, smash you to gravel and feed you to every chicken in Equestria!

Either he found it, or Discord rapidly provided to find a sales tag. While he didn't understand the writing, he recognized the Carousel Boutique's symbol on the tag. He seemed to quiet as he considered that while Rarity would make some odd clothing, she would never lay claim to having flayed a Diarch, and turned her into a suit.

He took her off the closet pole, then realized she had a hanger inside. He found the zipper and she would have squealed at the tickling the unzipping gave her. He smiled at the construction, checking the floppy wings and horn before removing the Luna suit from the hanger. His gentle touch on the soft, inside lining made her want to shiver, it didn't tickle. But it was new and exciting. Then she saw his rueful expression.

He held up the costume so he was eye to eye with it. He made sounds like badly butchered Equestria as he rocked the shoulders side-to-side, then he raised one of her 'hooves' and slapped himself across the face, then again, and when his head was back from the slapping, he mimed stabbing himself with her floppy, felt horn.

No! I wouldn't do that! she desperately wanted to tell him.

His sardonic smile nearly broke her heart as he carefully replaced the hanger, zipped her back up, and replaced her in the closet.

Please, I'm not like that! Luna wanted to shout, I know what fun is! I can be less stuffy with friends! I want to show you the joy of flying, flying with me! Please, turn around, come back. I won't hate you. Don't leave me alone.

He paused halfway through the bathroom, and glanced back at her. Luna let her hope return. She waited for him to come back.

He gave out a half-hearted chuckle, then another.

That doesn't sound right, Luna thought as she hung there and watched.

He burst into despairing laughter, and slid to the floor. Clutching his knees to his chest he laughed desperately, hopelessly, and slowly fell over sideways and began beating the floor. The laughter was replaced by screams of rage. Luna cringed at the sound, and at eavesdropping on such a private and vulnerable moment.

After a short mortifying and agonizing interval, he fell silent. The blows stopped falling and he lay there, unmoving, barely breathing. The faint rasp of his breathing a clue to how far he'd stressed his vocal cords. Luna watched as he lay there as the minutes dragged on.

As abruptly as it started, he stood. His expression composed and placid. Other than the bruises on his hands and the puffiness of his eyes, there was no evidence of the lapse of composure and control. He walked out of the bathroom/dressing room, and closed the door behind him.

Luna wanted to close her eyes and weep, but that simple action was denied her by her current form.

13) The Fiddler's Fee

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - The Fiddler's Fee

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 25

Derpy woke up first, she chuckled as she found herself wrapped around the Big Guy, with Lyra opposite, duplicating her all-encompassing grip. We'd better be careful or we might strangle him, she thought, then smelled something. In the dim light it was hard to make out, but she'd smelled them on Dinky too often not to recognize the scent of tears.

Derpy glanced around. Her Highness hadn't slipped back in during the night. I guess he really does care about her, Derpy thought, This isn't a hurt that'll be distracted by a muffin.

She considered the weird dream, and how happy he'd been. I should ask Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy if they had that dream too.

She looked around and found Sveti lying on the floor. She waved the griffon forward. There's plenty of room, in fact there's less room on the floor.

Sveti shook her head and rubbed a cheek on the carpet.

Okay, the beds aren't good, but the slight give of the carpet she likes. I understand, Derpy thought, and looked around, spotting the small horn peeking out from the covers. I need to ask Dinky what she finds so fascinating about keeping his feet warm. Maybe it's like Lyra and hands. Maybe it's something different.

Derpy settled back, careful not to wake him, or any of the others. She froze when his arms went around her and held her close. He wasn't making the happy sounds he often did. She snuggled close and held him, hoping somewhere she could feel that she and the others still loved him.

Discord could hardly believe it. He and Tom had been up the entire night discussing and unsuccessfully trying to find fault with their theory. It was so simple, it defied description. "Tell me I'm wrong," he pleaded with Tom.

"Sorry, it is what it is," the crystalline being said.

`"Okay, communication becomes our priority," Discord said quietly, "That means the amulet. And as you've pointed out, I've got to play it straight - er. He will keep me in fun, as long as I don't let him get too far a field."

"Good plan," Tom said without the faint condescension that usually accompanied such statements.

"It's so obvious, once you know what to look for," Discord said.

"What did you find?" Cadence asked as she trotted up behind him.

"When did you get here? How did you get here?" Discord asked.

"Tom, my lady Cadence," the crystal introduced himself, "Please to make the acquaintance of anyone who makes Discord so nervous."

Discord grimaced at his correlative.

"Aunt Luna was in a particularly bad mood tonight, and everyone was very formal around her. While Auntie Celestia seemed in high spirits. I thought that I'd ask someone who'd seen it from the inside. And please hurry, it's a strain to hold up over these distances."

"We discovered very simply that our host is intrinsically lazy," Tom explained, "And rather militantly so, except when something was important."

"Then he'll bend heaven and earth, bring all his formidable powers of computation and cunning to bear and directing them again whatever target there was," Discord said.

"Let me guess," Cadence said, "He hates that about himself."

Discord and Tom nodded quietly. "And hates even more when others invoke it," Discord added, "But especially when they invoke it for trivial reasons."

"It seems the Princesses never realized they invoke it by their mere presence," Tom said, "The ponies react to the Princesses as if the moon and the sun did rise on their whim."

"They do," Discord countered.

"You, I and a collection of unicorns can do it just as well," Tom pointed out, "But the ponies, and the princesses have nearly forgotten that. It's known, but it's ignored and treated as if it isn't true."

"And that was the problem," Cadence realized, "He's become the emergency that needs solving. The princesses' presence, near constant attention and intervention had reinforced that. It must be the reason he found Twilight so irritating, and found Applejack, Fluttershy and Derpy so comforting. After your little games with her, Twilight pulled the 'this is an emergency' switch when her once a week reports were going to be more than seven days apart, while the other three could let him coast being merely clever and pleasant without having to be brilliant and champion."

"Superbly succinct summation," Tom offered, getting an eye roll from Cadence and Discord.

"Those always come up snake-eyes?" Cadence asked as Discord retrieved his eyes.

"Yes. Now we've determined the real problem, how do we find the solution?" Discord asked.

"We could ask him," Tom offered.

"Just because you have a British accent doesn't make everything that comes out of your mouth brilliant."

"If you were British, you'd understand it's a lower East End accent, not known for brilliance around London," Tom replied.

"You could talk to him about it," Cadence offered as she faded away.

"Nice kid," Discord said, "Shame what happens to her."

"You got bootlegs of Season Two?" Tom asked.

"And Seasons Three and Four."

"How'd you get four, they haven't written it yet?!" Tom demanded.

"Hmm, that explains the Fluttershy-Cylon stare down contest in the Classic Galactica crossover," Discord said, "Good editing though."

"You were probably a fan of Galactica 1980," Tom accused.

"Yeeuk! And don't suggest that to him. He'll tie me down, strap my eyes open and run a marathon," Discord said disgustedly.

"Could be worse, he could run episodes of The Starlost," Tom said.

"That was a great show!" Discord said.

"You really are Canadian, aren't you?" Tom said.

"And what about you and your 'Lower East End' accent?" Discord accused.

"I'm from Georgia, I just don't speak the language very well," Tom said.

"Their Georgia or our Georgia?" Discord asked.

The ponies were not rising as early as he had, but his now-two guards could not be evaded. Trixie's arrival last night had been as sheepish as it had been late, and the griffon had been, if anything, more contrite. But out under the dark, predawn skies of Ponyville, they reasserted some of their authority. They questioned the heavy backpack and other accessories, including the carbine, but they let him proceed through the near dawn towards his goal. Although before proceeding, both of them had obtained supplies of their own for what promised to be an all day hike. As he and the mismatched pair headed toward the boundary between Equestria and the Everfree forest, he missed an extremely blue stallion slipping through the door after he'd left, but then so did most of the other ponies.

I don't know why none of them reacted to the ruins of a town in the middle of that forest, but I need to get out away from 'civilization' for a while, he thought. Discord was oddly silent, and had been since the trip to the ruined palace. Neither of them seem too eager to enter this place, he thought as he walked, Trixie I can almost understand. This is real wilderness, and outside their usual control, but Sveti is a natural predator, hunting in the wild is something she should have experience with.

The increasing light of the approaching dawn, as they approached the border between what ponies controlled, and what was as wild as Earth, seemed to keep their fears at a manageable level, since neither pony nor griffon tried the obvious trick of physically restraining him.

The trail to the palace was overgrown, but passable, and the map he had said it led closest to the ruins he was interested in. The path to Fluttershy's home, or the zebra's were more traveled, but would not lead him where he was going. And despite a compass, the maps here are too poor to allow real navigation, he thought, vaguely remembering the first time his land navigation skills had been really tested, Which is the other reason for all the ammo. A town ignored for even building material in the middle of nowhere worries me. The palace I can understand, a royal edict, until it was simply lost to time. Maybe the town was where the servants and staff lived. Need to find out.

Neither Trixie nor Sveti enjoyed the trek. They jumped at noises he categorized as harmless, and generally were. The larger predators could be avoided, and the smaller ones avoided them. Strange that Trixie has better woodcraft that the griffon. I guess the griffon really is a city-girl, he thought.

Celestia waited until she'd raised the sun and took care of a few morning governmental activities, before trekking back to Luna's bedroom. She openly frowned that her sister had not remained in Ponyville, and especially not in his home after the glares she'd been showering on him.

Celestia was not surprised to hear a little sniffle from the room before she entered unannounced. Sister, when are you going to learn? He isn't one of our ponies, he isn't Discord or Sombra, and he isn't going to change radically because we want him to. Only if he wants to. We have to let him want to.

"Hello, my sister," Celestia said cheerfully, knowing it would grate, "I missed you at breakfast, but I thought you'd be having breakfast elsewhere."

The miserable Lunar Diarch couldn't even muster a glare. She sniffled and then laid her head on her outstretched hooves.

"I would have thought you'd be pony-piling with him and the others. If you don't stake your claim strongly enough, he may see you as an interloper in his herd. Odd as his customs are, he may even drive you out," Celestia said teasingly, still keeping the cheerful tone. Her tone pried the lid off as quickly as she'd hoped.

"Oh sister!" Luna moaned, "I don't know what I did wrong!"

"What you did wrong, sister, was you chastened him in public, which is your right. Then you undoubtedly chastened him in private, and never forgave him. You made it clear he had hurt you, and gave him no way to make it up to you. While putting him on his back hoof might be fun. You should have allowed him to at least make a gesture of apology, and forgiven him. He'll punish you for that. Probably by giving you exactly what you claim to want."

"But my dignity," Luna said angrily, "And yours."

Celestia matched Luna's anger. "Your dignity kept you warm last night? Your dignity brightened your morning with a smile? Your dignity brushed out your fur, massaged out the kinks in your wings, and fed you breakfast in bed?"

Face with Celestia's irritation, Luna's anger cooled. "If you don't care about my dignity, what about your own?"

"The Ponyvillians are too frightened to worry about my dignity, or yours. And the noble ponies of Canterlot who would flutter about it? What do I care about the opinion of a pack of two-faced jackals who would praise me no matter what I did if they thought it would curry favor? When did the opinion of such malleable malcontents matter more than the possibility of a warm and loving person to share some time with? He didn't set out to make you a laughing stock. He set out to tear down the fear ordinary ponies have of you and your fully adult form. By making them laugh at it and around it. All the Ponyvillians would have remembered is the Pony-sisters played along with the crazy monster's shenanigans. It would have also eased their fears of him in their sight. They would not lose their respect for us, just their fear. Although they may now whisper that 'Luna has no sense of humor', they saw that very clearly. They and the nobles of Canterlot will give you all the dignity you wish, and I suspect he will as well. All laughter will cease at your approach. The fearful will stammer something vague about the night, while the smooth will gush endlessly about something they seethingly despise. Your night will receive endless praise, which the flatterers will mean precisely none of. And he'll respect you and guard your dignity, the way he respects a rattlesnake or a thunderstorm. As something to be feared, not befriended. He'll open doors for you. He'll smile and nod. And all you will have from him is your dignity. He won't even waste his hate on you. If he's anything like a stallion, he'd keep his heart out of your reach, and give it to some other mare. That he'll let you know."

"Wha, what do I do?" Luna asked in a small voice.

"Either let him go, or take some time then let him apologize. Then you will have to rebuild the trust you both have broken. He will likely do no flying with you for some time."

Celestia was mystified why that sent Luna into bawling tears.

The griffon backed away as if struck, as Glory glared at Mystery as she leaned on the broom. The building was coming along, but the bad news kept coming. "He came back, and slipped away in the night?" she asked the griffon.

"Early morning, and he took Sveti and Trixie with him," the griffon scholar said and backed up, until he encountered a wall that was not letting him go through. "Derpy also mentioned he took a large number of weapons. Although for the ponies around here, more than one would be a large number."

Glory sighed. "I'm not angry with you. It's just we are supposed to be keeping an eye on his, and he went off to Canterlot without us, now he's heading into the Everfree forest. With the head start he's got, we'll never catch him."

Hollyhock approached. "Why would he even go into that place? It doesn't sound like he's hunting for food. Maybe the critters would be a problem, but that's what Trixie and Sveti are there to deal with," the cook pointed out, "Did you hear about them seeing anything unusual when they flew out to the castle?"

"Nothing anyone mentioned. But what could have attracted his eye? Maybe he wanted to check out the castle," Mystery said and shrugged, "He can't exactly write elaborate notes to us."

Glory and Hollyhock exchanged glances and sighs, then returned to their chores.

Mystery took the opportunity to slip away. He had a few others he wanted to spread the 'good' news to.

The sounds of the wildlife had not deterred the group, although Sveti had twice stopped the group to sweep their trail for pursuers. There had been none. No one in Ponyville had followed, nor had any of the local wildlife.

It was midmorning when they entered the clearing that encompassed the town. Both Trixie and the griffon seemed incredulous that the town existed, and chattered happily amongst themselves.

"Disbelief," Discord said within his head, "Both that the town was here and you lead them unerringly. Neither has ever heard of this place."

Not unexpected, if the town was attached to the palace, and its ruins. Welcome back by the way. I was wondering if the purple songbird was too much, he thought back, but kept looking around. Wood buildings shouldn't still be here after a thousand years. Even stone buildings should be overgrown in a few years. This place looks like it was abandoned yesterday. He marched over towards what appeared to be a general store. The construction wasn't the Ponyville technique of wooden beams and plaster. It was closer to the American frontier method of milled lumber and shingle roofs.

So there's a sawmill somewhere, he thought, There have to have been forest fires just in the last decade, and these buildings should be tinder dry. The store had a bumper crop of cobwebs, but vermin hadn't eaten the flour bags. The pickle barrel was still sound, and full. He opened the till, and found that was empty.

"Okay they took the money," he said vaguely, more to hear the thought than to communicate it to the others, "But left all the goods, that makes no sense for a robbery, and an emergency evacuation would have cleared out some subset of the store, if only the preserved food," his voice echoed oddly in the place, and both his 'guards' jumped when he had started to speak. He pulled the camera from his pack, and took several photos. As a test, he attached the visible-light-blocking filter and took the photos in infrared, then ultraviolet. "Let's hear it for modified cameras," he said, and gestured the others near so they could look at the images on the small screen on the camera's back. The infrared didn't show anything special, but the ultraviolet showed a strange pattern on the wood work. "Weird, I originally bought the camera to see the UV patterns on flowers. Of course I bought it from a link I found on a ghost hunters' organization website." He looked at the pair, who seemed calmer now that he was talking. "You ponies are lucky. I was researching Argentine economic history, and typed in 'hyperinflation' one time. What has been seen cannot be unseen."

He gestured towards one of the houses, and the pair reluctantly followed. "Is anybody here?" he called as he looked around. Again making the pair jump, but both of them made their own calls after a moment's discussion. He repeated photographing the outside of the house in visible, UV, and IR. The outside showed none of the odd patterns in the UV, but the inside did.

"No clutter, no yards choked with weeds, it's like it happened in the past couple weeks and it didn't happen without a warning," he said, "And what's with the patterns in the wood?" He showed the small screen on the back of the camera to the pair, neither seemed to understand. He entered the house. It was neat and orderly, the dishes stacked and the bed made. He stopped and stepped out through the door, then back in again.

"I didn't have to stoop, like I do in most pony places." He gestured to the door and ceiling, and made a point of standing up straight. The pair understood.

This is a house made for humans. The store was pony-scaled with human ceilings, because it's easier for a human to accommodate pony-height counters than the other way around. But this building is for humans. He stepped outside and looked around. The other two rushed to follow. All the buildings designed for the public, the stores, town hall, and the school house all had human-height doors and floor-to-ceiling distances. A few pony-only buildings existed, but they were small. Private homes most likely, he thought, and took a few more photographs.

He headed back into the small home and into the small room that housed the bed and a chest of drawers. Three rooms: bedroom, kitchen/dining and small walk-in closet. Weird that, it doesn't have the facilities to be a bathroom.

"Ladies, I think we've wandered into The Twilight Zone, and not a lecture by the Princess' favorite student," he said, as he photographed the interior of the house. The strange pattern in the wood was everywhere. "At least I'm hoping for Rod Serling. His were generally learning experiences."

"Rarity, oh hello Derpy," Twilight said as she entered the Boutique, "Did either of you find out why our friend headed into the Everfree? I received a letter from Princess Luna."

"Probably to hide," Derpy mumbled, then looked around worriedly, "Princess Luna was pretty mad with him."

"Princess Luna was not the only one," Rarity said and nodded toward Twilight, "I think she would have come off her hanger and tried to strangle him." The two mares chuckled.

Twilight stared at them. "Would you care to explain that?" she asked sardonically.

"We both dreamed we were flying suits. Not like what the Wonderbolts wear, but suits to provide safe flight," Rarity said, and then hugged herself as did Derpy. Both mares giggled.

Twilight stared at them in disbelief. "You were flying clothes?" she asked, trying to understand, "That's just weird, and why would he wear such a thing? Wouldn't he think he, had skinned you and stole your magic?"

"Oh, Twilight, what a dark imagination," Rarity said, "We're talking about harmless fun, and you're acting like Nightmare sent those dreams herself. Nightmare is either gone or badly damaged."

"Considering how her Highness Princess Luna is disturbed, I'd almost expect the return of Nightmare," Twilight warned.

"Let her come, we'll take her together this time," Derpy said.

Twilight stared at the normally retiring mailmare. "What's gotten into you?"

"I'm willing to fight for my friends," Derpy said, "There's good ponies, there's bad ponies, and there are good ponies we disagree with, but that's no reason not to talk, or not to fight."

"Thank you Derpy," Rarity said, "I was beginning to think I was the only one who felt like that."

Twilight looked at her friends with some confusion.

The survey of four houses, three human-scaled and one pony-scaled, and extensive photography, had revealed the same condition. "They left willingly, and they weren't hurried," he told Trixie and Sveti as he entered the mayor's home. What he saw confirmed what had been a growing worry.

"Okay, we aren't on a scifi program, we're in a history program," he sighed as he approached the area on the wall that was different in color, less sun faded and less dirty. It was the size of a painting. "They took their treasures, and a few little comforts like food and bedding. I hope this was Roosevelt's U.S. 1942, with Manzanar in their future, not Hitler's Germany, Vichy France and Occupied Europe of 42-44, with Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen and Buchenwald as their destination."

"But this doesn't make an ounce of sense. Celestia doesn't have the stomach for either plan, and I doubt either atrocity could be covered up effectively." He glanced over at Sveti.

The griffon was getting more and more nervous as she drew her own conclusions about her surroundings. Trixie stayed close to the point of staying in physical contact as often as possible. Like Sveti, she scanned the area, trying to look at everything around her.

As if she expected something to leap out to get her, he thought of the pair.

"Celestia seems to have an inordinate tolerance for the spies of other nations. Something like this could not be concealed."

The two natives had been getting more nervous about the place, and his placid acceptance of what he was finding. Even Discord seemed nervous about speaking to him.

He knelt to get to their eye level. "I'm not angry," he told them softly, "I'm confused. And I'm worried." Trixie turned to face him, and nuzzled him carefully as if he'd explode if pressed too hard. Once it was clear he wouldn't, Sveti approached and did the same. He scratched behind their ears as they all calmed down.

The data presented did not fall into any of the conclusions he could draw about Equestria, her peoples, and her rulers. Even Discord wouldn't countenance this kind of massacre, so what happened here? he wondered, Who did this, and why was I such a surprise? There had to be at least fifty humans living in this place. Living in the Equestrian ideal of peace and harmony better than I ever could. Someone should have known about this, the people here, and what happened. So, who did this? Why does it look recent? Did Celestia find this out too late and preserve it as a lesson? No, if she knew, she would never have let the flyover happen yesterday. Nor would Luna. So, another force? The dragons? Are they powerful enough? Someone like Nistag or Sombra? Did Nightmare do this, right on the doorstep of the Diarchs' castle, as a provocation against Celestia? Does this place predate the Discord-Alicorn war? And Discord discovered the atrocity and preserved it to rub it in the nose of the alicorns about the true nature of their charges?

Discord, care to comment? he asked.

"No, I never heard of this place, and I've been out of the loop for a millennium. Did any of the other villains have any memories of this place?" Discord asked. His delicate tone indicated his uncertainty about what they had found, and his reaction to it.

None of them remembered anything special about the place, he replied, So they never thought much of it, or they never knew.

"What's next?" Discord asked, "They want to know as well."

We continue looking, he replied, After lunch I think.

Glory and Forget Me Nots had walked to the edge of the Everfree. The two soldiers exchanged nervous glances.

"We should go after him," the small mare said, "I think that we get the weather team to do a flyover, and locate them. Then we fly him out of there."

"I wish it were that easy," Glory replied, "He isn't a prisoner. Just a 'person of interest'. So we're here as support staff, if needed."

"Dammit, Lieutenant, if he was our 'friend' we wouldn't be having this conversation. If Lyra, Derpy and Dinky didn't have things to do, they would have been on his tail. We don't have any other jobs. We aren't supposed to be invisible. We can make a spectacle of ourselves, if we need to."

Glory bowed her head. "I can't." She raised her head. "But I can't stop you from talking to the locals. After all, if they are worried about him, they might just get curious on their own."

"If you'll excuse me," she said and left.

Glory nodded and continued staring at the edge of the Everfree forest. "Good luck," she whispered as she continued staring into the forest. She shivered at the place that was a nightmare made solid. "Forgive me."

Trixie caught the odor of oatmeal, full of cinnamon and apples. He seemed almost immune to the horrible feeling that permeated the place. He had taught her how to retrieve the pictures on the camera. She was going through the photos he'd taken. "What are those patterns?" Trixie asked aloud, "They aren't letters, or any runes I recognize."

"I'm no expert, but I can't see a pattern in them either," Sveti said, "It could be there is no pattern. He doesn't recognize it." She lifted the mess tin full of oatmeal.

"How can you eat with all this going on?" Trixie asked.

"Being hungry when we do have to move won't help anypony," Sveti said, "Go get something to eat, and take a few minutes to relax. I would guess that the real problem won't be solved by us. I never even heard of this place, and there's no reason an old town would be here and not termite droppings. And some of the buildings are 'human' houses. Why hasn't Lyra or her coterie come out here and made the place a shrine?"

"Why are we even having lunch, instead of hightailing it back to Ponyville to tell the troops there what we found?" Trixie asked.

"Quit thinking like an amateur soldier, and start thinking like a professional performer. Why do you act like nothing's going on, when only a wet newborn would believe it?"

"To divert the attention of the audience," Trixie said and glanced around, "We're being watched? I can sniff out a bandit, anypony who ever traveled depending on her own hooves can. But there's nothing here."

"Right, no Timberwolves, no birds, no insects, no Parasprites, no hydras, Manticores, nothing. He's already figured it all out, which really frightens me that he could guess the whole thing after just a little look around. So we pull back to this very defensible position with good ability to observe any avenues of approach, and stone beneath us." Sveti scratched at the boulder they were perched on. "We rest, eat, and ponder the answer for the real question: this trap, do we spring it? Or leave it for somepony who hasn't figured out it's a trap? Because if this is a trap, there's something I bet he guessed real quick."

"What's that?" Trixie asked, and accepted a mess tin full of oatmeal and tried to swallow some, despite her lack of hunger and nervous stomach.

"All those stories of this or that monster 'that none have escaped from' yet the story got out," Sveti said, "No one has ever heard of this place. Which means it's been 100% effective. Pony magic from unicorns, pegasi or earth ponies didn't enable an escape. Griffons couldn't fly or fight their way out. It may even be too much for young dragons."

"So where does that leave us?" Trixie asked.

"One takes the message away, and he's taught you to use the camera, and one stays with him," Sveti said, "He's got a lot more faith in his weapons than he has in magic. That faith may be justified."

"If I was Sparkle, I might argue that. But I'm no combat mage," Trixie admitted,

"Getting the warning out is more important," Sveti said, "Just play up our heroic sacrifice, I'd like my family to have a medal or two to remember me by."

"Oh you'll have the most heroic last stand I can imagine," Trixie promised, "Shoulder to shoulder as you are overwhelmed by undead dragons, and fallen alicorns twisted by Discord's magic."

"Not bad," Sveti said, "As long as the dragons can fly. If I'm to die, I'll do it in the air."

"Death duel among the clouds," Trixie promised, "Consumed by lightning so you transfigured into your purest form."

"Oh, you have studied griffon religion," Sveti said.

"Of course I have. Griffons are much better tippers than ponies," Trixie admitted.

"You seem awfully quiet," Discord said.

Sveti was putting the last touches to the 15-foot pole he intended to use. Trixie was searching for glass bottles. His search for gasoline, lamp oil or high concentration alcohol was coming up empty. Just concentrating on what we need. I should have realized an ample supply of Molotov cocktails wouldn't be forthcoming. Still, you look and see what you can get, he thought and glance over at Trixie who was getting frustrated at the lack of anything small and throwable that would break on impact. There's not even enough rust on things to make good thermite, if they had the other ingredients. Whoever set this trap obviously didn't want incendiaries to be used. Makes me think more and more of a funnel cone spider afraid of its web getting torched.

"And you still intend to set it off?" Discord asked.

You suggest we wait for the Equestrian air force? he replied, The heaviest hitters in Equestria flew over this place yesterday, and only I saw it. Even if the Pony-Sisters knew where to bomb, they'd be firing blind. And I doubt they want to use even tiny atomics on a place as unstable as the Everfree. Let alone admitting she could have done it all the time. I think she doesn't want to admit that to herself.

"Would you?" Discord asked, "Even I don't want to wonder about doing things like that. And I'm the worst villain in Equestria!"

That can be taken two ways, both accurate, he replied, Better I do it and then deal with it.

"They'll help," Discord pointed out.

If this thing can prevent pegasi and griffons from escaping its clutches, it probably neutralizes Pony magic. That may work on them, but John Browning's and by Sergei Simonov's brainchildren aren't going to be affected. Although I'd rather have a flamethrower or another of Browning's children, the Ma Deuce, full of incendiary rounds.

"You really think that a gun will work where magic failed?" Discord asked.

Predators adapt to their environment, he replied, This one 'grew up' in a largely magical, rather than a technological world. Hence it's optimized against magic.

"Or it's just so fast and powerful that it can bypass all defenses," Discord pointed out.

And neither you, nor Celestia detected it? he replied, Battleships are marvelous pieces of war machinery, in their day, nothing could match them except another battleship. Problem is, with one out and about, the enemy concentrated everything they had on one. Being nearly-invincible means the other major powers start with their heaviest guns to deal with you. A pony-eating monster in this forest would have Celestia burn this place to the ground and replant. She reveres her first home, but she isn't going to let sentimentality stand in the way of protecting her ponies. You and I have seen that up close and personally.

"True, so you think it's designed against magic," Discord said, "Or are you just hoping it is?"

Both, he thought, It makes the most sense, and it's the only 'solution' that'll work. I could return to Ponyville, assemble what they laughingly call an army, and march them back here. And if I'm right, they'll get munched right alongside me. Or I let them go alone, and sit beside the defenders and fight the battle in the middle of Ponyville. Leading a lethal enemy back to a pack of civilians is not my modus operandi. This gives the best chance, and I can lead them away.

" 'Who Dares Wins' eh?" Discord chuckled.

More like: 'Any mission, any time, any place', he replied, This is useless, best to get to the meat of the problem while there' plenty of daylight to deal with it. He called Trixie away from her search and met with Sveti outside. He drew a picture of a trapdoor spider and gestured to indicate the town.

Sveti playfully pounced Trixie. He nodded. He drew a rather crude pegasus, unicorn and earth pony near the spider and struck a line through them. Trixie and Sveti nodded grimly. He then added more ponies at a distance and put little question marks over their heads.

Trixie made a confused noise and pointed to the marks. He touched his nose and pointed at Trixie. The mare rolled her eyes and mumbled something that made Sveti smile.

"She got it," Discord provided, "She doesn't like how she got it, but she got it."

She's going to like the next even less, he told Discord in his head. He took the camera off and put it around Trixie's neck. The mare started looking worried. He drew a picture of them heading away from the spider, while he remained. That set off a lot of angry squawking from both of them. He calmly pulled out a map and indicated they'd head straight back for Ponyville, and pointed at the camera for emphasis. That quieted Trixie, but Sveti became even more strident, her claw pointing at her figure on the paper and drawing a line back to him, indicating she'd stay with him. He shook his head, and pointed again to the camera. He set the map down and indicated the towns around the Everfree Forest: Ponyville, Dodge City and Appleloosa. And his target the Rambling Rock Ridge. He drew a quick and not very good picture of Celestia's and Luna's cutie marks, and indicated the ridge.

Sveti glared at him, but reluctantly nodded. Trixie looked near to tears. She hugged him, and Sveti joined in. After too short an interval, they backed off and dashed back into the forest the way they'd come only a few hours earlier.

He let them disappear from sight and hearing before he lifted the stick. "Now I know what I'm facing, I just need to find the trigger."

"Can I just say this is an extremely stupid plan?" Discord said.

It might even be suicidal, but I really want Applebloom or one of the others wandering in here, he replied, That might keep my skin intact, but what about Ponyville. Hell, what about Equestria?

"Celestia told you in the throne room you don't have to protect her ponies from everything," Discord pointed out.

That's why I sent those two along. I will save Equestria, and the full might of the Equestrian military and guardians will save me, he replied.

"Have you seen someone about this martyr-complex of yours?" Discord asked dryly.

No, it's just the burden I'll have to bear for being me, he replied, So if you were a hidden, pony-eating monster, how could I piss you off enough to chase just me?

Now Discord started laughing.

"Nothing," Rainbow Dash reported to Forget-me-Not in the restaurant, "I had a few of the weather team with me. We spotted Fluttershy's and Zecora's houses, the Pony-sisters' castle, but not them."

The small soldier sighed. "Thanks, I wish I could tell you more."

"No, you don't understand. We would have seen them. If they were there and not hiding from us, we would have seen them," Rainbow insisted, "That means something drove them into a cave or tree hollow to hide. Something not afraid of the Big Guy's weapons, yet too small for us to see from the air."

"Giant mechanical spiders!" Spike exclaimed as he entered.

"Spike, if they were giant, Rainbow Dash would have seen them," Twilight added as she entered.

"I mean giant for spiders," Spike said sulkily.

Twilight sighed. "They're probably just exploring the Pony-sisters' castle. We all know how curious he is."

"Griffon approaching, and Trixie's with her," Thunderlane reported, "Sorry Dash, we went over the whole castle. Nothing."

"I think this is bigger than the Ponyville Weather Team," Dash said.

"You could not be more right," Trixie said as she clambered off the panting Svetlana. A couple of pegasi saw to the exhausted griffon. Trixie set the camera on the table and pulled up the images. "There's a whole town out there."

"We would have seen a town," Dash insisted.

"We didn't see it when we flew over it yesterday. That's probably why he headed out. None of us saw it, but he did. He thought it was some kind of magic trapdoor spider or something."

"Told you it was a spider," Spike added.

"Do you recognize any of these?" Trixie asked as she manipulated the buttons.

"Does everything he own have a viewing plate?" Twilight grumbled. "What kind of pictures are those?" she asked.

"He changed the filters. The purplish ones are the only ones that those writings or whatever show up in," Trixie explained.

"I'd have to study them," Twilight admitted.

"Study later," Sveti gasped as she entered, "He's going to draw it/them off towards Rambling Rock Ridge, so none of the towns will be affected. He'll probably need a fair amount of back up there, once he's drawn it/them out of the forest and into the open."

"What is this it/them?" Spike asked.

"He didn't let us stay to see," Trixie admitted.

"It was Oradour-sur-Glane," he said as he stood outside the site. A short wall of stones, probably originally the building's foundation, dammed in the layer of ash and charcoal that was the remains of the building, and apparently of the inhabitants.

"Celestia would never have allowed this," Discord said, "I wouldn't have done this. Maybe Nightmare Moon, but Celestia wouldn't have kept this as a relic."

"I don't think Celestia even knows about this. And as sick as this sounds, I think this came from me."

"We haven't practiced with the Alicorn Amulet, and you don't have any magic for it to magnify, so how could you be part of this?" Discord asked.

"This takes part of the person who walks into its influence and adjusts itself to them," he explained, "A pony might see something different."

"Like one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders seeing people getting murdered for their Cutie Marks?" Discord asked, "What kind of twisted monster is this?"

"One we're going to drag out into the open, and see ended." He opened the large belt pouch and extracted the clips for the SKS, topping them up from the usual nine rounds, to ten each, he dumped some sixty loose rounds in the pouch. Then he topped off the eight for the .45, including the one in the pistol.

"Is there a reason to keep them partially loaded?" Discord asked.

Reduces the load on the spring, he thought, It probably makes no difference, but don't overstress the hardware if you don't have to.

"Now you have to," Discord said, "Have I told you what a bad plan this is and how you should just wait for Celestia and Luna to come here and glass the place over with sunbeams?"

If they can find it, and if they can affect it, he replied as he picked up the stick.

"Ah, two-hundred twenty rounds for the carbine, and one-forty-eight for the pistol might not be enough," Discord said carefully.

"It's what we got," he said, "But you have a point." He extended the bayonet on the SKS. "Better?" he said as he extended the stick towards a likely spot.

"Loads," Discord replied with enough sarcasm to cover the place to a depth of twenty feet.

He carefully dug through the ashes. When he pulled up the stick, there was a pony skull on the end of it. "I hate it when I'm right." He saw a glint of gold and probed in there, pulling a watch and chain from the ashes, and exposing a human skull.

An arm exploded out of the ashes and grabbed the stick. Rather than wrestle with it, he abandoned the tool and headed toward his exit. Creatures, both pony and human, skeletons and decaying corpses, began digging themselves out of the ash pit. He took the time to fire a single round from his pistol through the head of one of them. The skull shattered and the corpse collapsed into disconnected bones.

"Somebody knows how much I hate George Romero movies," he commented as he headed out of the village.

Celestia's chariot could be seen in the distance. Luna's was close behind it. The Wonderbolts were racing far ahead. Rainbow's expression of hero worship changed as she recognized two figures among the Wonderbolts. Twilight took up the mantle of enthused fan-girl as Celestia and Luna landed among the bodyguard of Wonderbolts.

"We received your letter, what is happening now," Celestia asked.

"Ah, we should listen," Fluttershy offered.

Celestia signaled for quiet. The Bearers and the Wonderbolts fell silent. Over the occasional sound from Ponyville, came the sharp noise none of them had heard more than twice. But it repeated. Often.

"That's what his weapon sounds like," Dinky offered, "We've been hearing it for a while."

"Why is it getting further away?" Luna asked, "What would have possessed him to move away from Ponyville?"

"That no one ever escaped that thing," Sveti offered, "So he's drawing it off to open ground away from the town."

"That's where we'll make our attack," Celestia said, "The chariots bear the Elements of Harmony. We will deploy them on the foothills of Rambling Rock Ridge. There it will face the full might of Equestria."

Twilight stared in awe at her mentor, no longer the endlessly-patient and tolerant. Something threatened her ponies, and she wanted it stopped.

"Forward Joe Soap's army, marching without fear, with our old commander, safely in the rear," he sang half-heartedly as he retreated. Aim and shoot, aim and shoot. A few steps back, then aim and shoot.

How many of these damned things are there? he wondered.

"He boasts and skites from morn till night, and thinks he's very brave, but the men who really did the job are dead and in their grave."

He pulled another clip from the pouch, and put the ten rounds into the carbine. There were none around him, so he jogged to a more open location, and began reloading the empty clips. He opened the last boxes of the carbine ammunition and dumped them into the pouch so he could reload on the move.

"Forward Joe Soap's army, marching without fear, with our old commander, safely in the rear. Amen."

He filled the clips he could and searched his pack for another box, or any rounds that had spilled into the pack. "What a time to discover I've been so good at inventory control."

He emptied the second and last box of .45 ammo and began retreating again as the creatures began creeping out of the forest.

"It seems you've taught them some caution," Discord commented, "As well as picking up the pieces of their fallen comrades." What had been the remains of ponies now looked more like spiders as extra limbs had been attached.

They are trying to disgust or disorient me, he replied, as he headed into denser woods, he switched to the pistol. He couldn't make out targets as far away, and he wanted to preserve the carbine's ammunition.

He fired at one of the modified human corpses, and had to fire again. They've learned I know about the head shots, he commented on the 'dying' corpse. Clever really, using the limbs of the fallen as spaced armor around their heads. Cuts them down to using viewslits between the bones, but makes me waste ammunition. Good tactic. That, and it's really gross.

"When this lousy war is over, no more soldiering for me, when I get my civvy clothes on, oh, how happy I shall be!" he sang to let them know where he was, and to encourage them to come after him.

"No more church parades on Sunday, no more putting in for leave, I shall kiss the sergeant-major, how I'll miss him, how he'll grieve! Amen."

The slide locked back, and another mag went in where the empty came out. He was firing again. Sometimes as little as ten feet. If these things developed tactics like encirclement, we could be in trouble, he told Discord, Well, I would be, you'd be back in Canterlot Gardens.

"If you really think this is Hell, and this latest discover shakes my assumption it's not," Discord replied, "Why are you fighting these things so hard?"

"The ponies are children, they've no need to see this, to know what this is like." He fired, and fired, and fired. Sometimes thirty feet from a fixed stance, sometimes ten on the move. But he kept moving, kept firing, mindful of when they'd 'wake up' and try to get a force behind or worse above him.

What time do you think it is? he asked, I haven't really had a chance to track the sun.

"Late afternoon. You've got a while to reach the edge of the forest, and even longer to reach the ridge," Discord told him.

As long as I'm still alive when I get there, he replied.

"I want to go home, I want to go home, I don't want to go in the trenches no more, where whizzbangs and shrapnel they whistle and roar," he sang, feeling more tired than he remembered being in years, "Take me over the sea, where the alleyman can't get at me; oh my, I don't want to die, I want to go home." But still he moved and fired, drawing them away from any of the pony towns and villages.

Rainbow Dash was furious, only Derpy's rage matched her own. "I've flown over that stupid forest, guided by the sound of his weapons," Dash reported through clenched teeth.

Derpy was furiously stomping her hoofs so fast she looked like she was dancing. She was too frustrated to even string a sentence together.

"And I saw nothing!" Rainbow reported to their Highnesses. "What kind of sick joke is this? I'm half expecting him to shoot one of us in the belly to 'get the attention' of the pegasi who keep flying over him without stooping to help."

"He wouldn't waste scarce ammunition that way," Luna said as she studied the map.

Rainbow's jaw dropped at Luna's callous tone. Celestia closed it, and made a placating gesture.

"She's trying to put herself in his mindset," Celestia said quietly, "To think like he is. There are, side-effects to thinking like that."

Rainbow shivered that anyone could think like that. "But we have to help," she replied quietly.

"Reminding him that we are here, and we are ready is good," Celestia said, "Derpy Hooves, is our trap ready?"

The wall-eyed pegasus took a deep, calming breath before answering. "It is, but I agree with Rainbow Dash, we should race in there and rescue him."

Celestia nodded sadly. "He specifically would not want that. Whatever he's facing, us trying to fight it in the confines of a forest would be a disaster. We must hope he can break into open ground. Then we can help him."

"It's not fair," Derpy complained.

"No," Celestia said and nuzzled her, "It isn't. Important things rarely are. But sometimes they aren't fair on our side. It was not fair this creature caught him, instead of some foalish pony wandering in."

"I still want him back," Derpy said quietly, "Safe and sound."

"He wouldn't be doing what he was doing, if he didn't feel the same about you," Celestia told her.

He broke through the treeline and jogged across the open plain. It was as dark in the open as it had been in the forest. He glanced up, and saw the clouds, the green sky. I might have been better off in the forest, he thought, remembering the severe thunderstorm had green skies.

The creatures seemed unwilling to pursue him out into the open. He stopped a short distance out from the treeline, knelt to insure accuracy and lined up on one of them. Aim, fire. Aim, fire. He stood and trotted further. He'd gone past exhaustion, acting as he'd once been painstakingly taught, acting on instincts he hoped never to draw on again. He was over two hundred yards out when he stopped on a small rise.

"The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling, for you but not for me, and the little devils how they sing-a-ling-a-ling, for you but not for me," he taunted them, sitting, an easy target, "Oh death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling, oh grave, thy victory?"

Still they waited. He'd never seen them act with apprehension. Clumsy stupid, yes, apprehension, no, he thought as he watched them mill around at the edge of the forest. The skies above rumbled and grumbled, and seemed almost pregnant with lightning. I need you out here, he thought as the last clip went into the carbine.

"The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling, for you but not for me."

Still they didn't move.

All right. It's bait that is needed. Fresh meat that has toyed and played with them, he thought as he slowly walked back towards the edge of the forest. Watching as each step seemed to firm their resolve. But they waited now, not in fear, but anticipation.
" 'I know that I shall meet my fate somewhere among the clouds above;'"

He took another single step. He had their attention.
" 'Those that I fight I do not hate, those that I guard I do not love;'"

Another step, and some prepared to spring, but others waited, to time the rush all at once.
" 'My country is Kiltartan Cross, my countrymen Kiltartan's poor,'"
" 'No likely end could bring them loss or leave them happier than before.'"

Another step, this one to the right, and they seemed a moment from gathering themselves for a last mad rush.
" 'Nor law, nor duty bade me fight, nor public men, nor cheering crowds,'"

A step back to the center, and to the left. They watched. Just out of their reach, and the morsel had them hypnotized.
" 'A lonely impulse of delight drove to this tumult in the clouds;'"

Back to the center, and all eyes followed. I have them, he realized and felt the very clouds above him tense.
" 'I balanced all, brought all to mind,"

One step back, and the bravest or most foolish took a step out of the scattered trees.
" 'The years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind."

He stopped and gave a theatrical bow.
" 'In balance with this life, this death.'"

He ran for the rock he'd rested on before, and the crowd boiled out of the forest after him.

He acted as his training had required. Large, steadily-moving targets at 200 yards were not as difficult as they'd been a first, before the training. He'd been out of practice, but during the walk/run he'd relearned all the old lessons. Exhaustion, impending weather, even his fate once his weapons ran dry didn't affect him. Aim, fire, run. Aim, fire, run. They were charging now, dozens. The carbine was empty, and he carried nothing more for it. The pistol came out. He still had two mags, plus the one in place.

'In balance with this life, this death.' He reached the rock and turned to face his pursuers with only his pistol. But it's only good at short range, he reminded himself as he knelt and the mismatched things came at him. Closing in with their shambling running on two legs, four legs, six, eight, more. He waited. Instinct told him which to take first, then the next. This time it'll come down to hand-to-hand. Are they poisonous, contagious, and just how strong? he wondered idly as he sighted the first and fastest as it managed a trot towards him. Patience. Don't get buck-fever, he reminded himself, letting it come to him.

The lightning lancing down through the mob surprised him more that the unseen ponies had done this, than that the trap had been sprung. The more massive bolts raining down at the approximate location of the town/trap surprised him more. The things didn't screech or scream as bolts blew them to pieces, set them afire, or vaporized them completely. He waited, updating which he would target as a few raced through the maelstrom of lightning. Others simply circled, for another bolt to hit them. The tremendous boom of the massive bolts attacking their core reached and shook him, but he concentrated. Aim and fire, aim and fire. Only a few were still up and around. Only a few had passed through unscathed. He took those down as the lightning sought out the merely damaged and tore them to pieces or burned them away. The slide locked back and he reloaded by reflex more than conscious thought.

Only a few left, he thought, I might make it. But it was a race. Fourteen rounds against six targets, some needed more than one shot. Thirteen against five, eleven against four, then the slide locked back partway. He pulled the slide back and spent case fell away.

"Stove pipe," he said numbly as he aimed and fired at the closest. The powder burns setting it alight. Then the third.

He looked around for the other two as he changed magazines. All he could see were small fires. Nothing moved on the field, although a lightning bolt would earth itself occasionally, illuminating the area, denying the things any pace to hide. They were gone. In the distance, the massive storm still hurled thunderbolts into the source, as if Zeus and Thor were contending with Indra and Thunderbird for the sole title of thunder god.

He didn't let it distract him. The damn things might have learned something at the last minute, he thought tiredly as he continued to scan, looking for movement, looking for the ambush he been expecting since the run began.

The blue-gray pegasus with the apple-green mane and tail landed a short distance away. He looked at her as she bowed her head and approached carefully, watching him the entire time. He pointed the pistol away from her and scanned the area around them. Derpy sat next to him. She touched him with a wing, and leaned against him.

They watched as lightning hunted down any fragments and burned them away. Then the heavy rains extinguished the grass fires. He folded the bayonet and slung the carbine, then cleared the pistol and returned it to the backpack. All the while, Derpy watched him closely. He slung the backpack on his stomach. Finally he stood. "Okay, let's go."

The pegasus grinned and flew behind him, hugging him tightly with her all her legs as her wings carried him into the air.

Celestia soared easily over the Everfree forest. She saw the thing in flames as she paused to hover over the ruins of the town that writhed as randomly as the thing that had generated it. The storm above still hurled lightning bolts into the heart of the thing.

"I told you it was a mechanical spider," came from the more sedate cloud that bore the Elements of Harmony.

Celestia grinned at that. And sighed that the Elements had no more effect on whatever this was than her and Luna's more gentle magics. At least we didn't call out the power he suggested, Celestia thought as Luna's powers still directed and channeled the storm's fury.

"What was it?" Applejack asked the one question no one present could answer.

"I have no idea," Celestia admitted as her path took her close to the cloud. "I don't know how long it has been here, or what triggered it after so long."

The others regarded her with a bit of fear. The lightning and the battle had given her a ferality she normally suppressed. The plasma nimbus that played over her and Luna's manes and tails gave them an even more fearsome aspect. She hovered over their cloud, spreading her wings to their furthest extent. "Boo!" she shouted.

Poor Twilight looks like she's a step away from a complete heart attack. Although Rarity and Pinky Pie seem to take it in stride, she thought.

"I rather like this look." She glanced over herself. "I must have it during the next budget meeting," Celestia said, "It would certainly speed up the proceedings."

"I think that's beyond my abilities, your Highness," Rarity said apologetically.

"Ooo! Ooo! I know how, we just rub her with a giant cat right before the meeting!" Pinkie offered. "Twilight can do to Opal what she did to Spike."

"What would prevent Opal from just eating everypony in Canterlot?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Pinkie considered. "Hmm, we could spray them all with lemon first," Pinkie told them.

"I think we'll go back to 'I can't do it'," Rarity said.

"But what was that thing?" Twilight asked as the rains came, extinguishing the many fires that burned among the ruins.

"A mechanical trapdoor spider," Spike provided.

Twilight sighed and grinned ruefully at him.

Oh! What a Lovely War from the radio play originated by Charles Chilton, and converted to the stage by Gerry Raffles in partnership with Joan Littlewood.
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death a poem by William Butler Yeats

14) On Broken Glass

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - On Broken Glass

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 25

The teams had located the remains and were policing them up. With the dispersion of the clouds enough light remained that visibility, even in the Everfree Forest remained good. Luna would later raise an especially bright moon, allowing her troopers to continue the work late into the night. Shining Armor had added an order to police up all the spent brass as a separate action. The brass would be returned to the Big Guy for his disposal.

"I'm not sure if I'm jealous or worried," Armor said to a team of officers. "As slow as these things moved, it would have been more like a dangerous shooting gallery, but how many of these things did he down?"

"Several hundred," one of the technical experts said as she examined one of the fallen, "Almost always through the head. Remind me never to get him mad at me."

"Plenty of ponies have survived getting him mad. Don't threaten foals and civilians around him," Armor said, "That seems to be when he runs up the black flag and starts slitting throats."

"Report," Cadence said as she arrived, helping Celestia coordinate the investigation, while Luna and Armor neutralized anything left.

Armor saluted smartly, which made Cadence frown. "No remaining mobile targets, your Highness. Our friend seemed to have destroyed them all. Our technical ponies have confirmed and reconfirmed all findings. You might want to discuss those findings with Private Hollyhock."

Cadence saluted back, as textbook as his own. "I shall do that," she said firmly, "Thank you for your diligence, Captain."

She paused and turned back. "You're cute when you're officious," she added and trotted off.

Armor ignored the swiftly hidden smiles and half-chuckles from his loyal soldiers. "Don't forget I'll need volunteers to help police up all the pieces."

The hiding of smiles became far easier.

Diamond Tiara listened to her father, and his friends, downstairs drinking, and strangely, comparing how frightened they'd been. First, of the impending swarm of monsters that had been expected, then of that horrid monster calmly and leisurely dispatching many of them while the ponies watched and waited to unleash their thunder and lightning, and lastly whether all of that would put an end to it.

She crouched on the stairs so they wouldn't see her, and listen to their stories. With each new boast on how frightened they were, she died a little more inside. How can they be proud of being scared? Why didn't they let the monsters destroy each other when they had the chance?

She remembered the experience with the farm. She'd been charmed like every other pony. Then that thing so casually defeated all those Diamond Dogs, she thought and shivered at the screams she remembered. Why don't they see how dangerous and deadly he is? Even Celestia has been infected with his monstrous ways! She roared at him, and all the adults think it's funny or 'refreshing'. Don't they see, don't they understand? Now they're proud of being afraid of something he stirred up just to show off. They're even proud of how scared of him they are! she thought desperately, Something needs to be done.

Celestia had watched the sun go down and the bright moon rise, and had switched from protective overwatch on her ponies to the ruler wanting answers. "What have you found?" she asked on landing near the excavation of the source of the town and the many monsters that had been released.

"Highness," the head scientist didn't rise from her microscope, the earth pony mare knew her Majesty wanted answers more than fawning. "It's a plant, a huge one. At least the size of a building." The mare stepped away from the microscope, bowed her head, then signaled her liege to follow. "It is one of the most unusual plants I've seen. It's amazingly sophisticated. There are sense organs throughout the 'town'. The mass of the mobile items exceeds the mass of the main plant. They are probably designed to kill and dismember their prey items to fertilize the soil. The plant itself has no intelligence, but it can somehow tailor the lure to the mind of the target. We haven't worked out why this time it imprinted on our visitor."

" 'This time'? This has been here a while?" Celestia asked in horror.

"The main plant probably required sixty to eighty years minimum to grow. The pods probably required twenty to thirty years to regenerate the force we saw. That may be adjusted upward as we determine the total weight of the mobile elements."

"How intelligent were they?" Celestia asked worriedly.

"You'll have to debrief the Big Guy, but I think they are still plants, faster then usual, but slow enough they could be jogged away from," the scientist said, "This is what worries me." The mare walked over to a piece, and as her horn glowed, a section of the central mass rattled on the ground. The mare gasped and the piece ceased moving. "I could have picked up a cow with that much effort. If a pony had been caught, an earth pony would find themselves weak and disoriented, a pegasus couldn't fly, and a unicorn would find their magic drained away. If you'd attacked directly, instead of summoning the clouds and lightning, you would have been hours blasting away at these things. We haven't determined if they are disruptive to pony magic, or they can convert it to 'food' directly."

"I can imagine firing on this thing, and suddenly having two of them," Celestia said with horror.

"Yes, your majesty," the mare said, "Or dozens to hundreds of the mobile items. Worse, they wouldn't show up instantly, but in a few weeks to a few years."

Celestia grimaced at that. "Fortunate we had a distinctly non magical gardener."

"Very lucky," the mare agreed.

Derpy was nervous that he'd gone limp some moments after she'd lifted off. I thought I wanted that, she considered, Maybe I didn't. She grew more worried when he started shivering despite the warm air all around him.

She spotted Lyra and Trixie waiting for him down below. She smiled at that. She also spotted a third unicorn hiding behind a hay bale, waiting to pounce. No, that's not right, she thought as she shifted her landing point to come down behind her daughter's hiding place.

"Mama," Dinky complained.

"Don't 'mama' me," Derpy replied, "He's been getting jumped out at by monsters all day and you want to jump out at him too?"

"But Princess Luna said we got all of the things," Dinky insisted.

"Does he know that?" Derpy asked teasingly as she leaned over and nose rubbed her foal, "Now, give him the hug you wanted, then see if there's a bathtub or a shower anywhere."

"Okay," Dinky said as she hopped up on the hay bale. The Big Guy cuddled her the way Derpy sometimes did, enclosing the small unicorn with her whole body. Afer a moment he relaxed out of the crouch, like a clam opening its shell. While Dinky was cuddling, Derpy saw the concerned looks on the two adult unicorns. She shook her head slightly. 'Not in front of Dinky' was the message she was trying to send.

After she kissed him on the nose, Dinky jumped down and raised off on her mission.

"That could have been," Lyra said in fearful tones.

"Really embarrassing," Derpy said the singsong way she'd talk to a baby or a cat. While one eye glared at Lyra, and the other at Trixie. "Really embarrassing," she said and giggled slightly. "He's off six hours fighting off the something out of a ghost story, and doesn't know he's safe yet," Derpy said lightly, "He didn't hurt my daughter when she jumped out. He wouldn't have. But jumping out and shouting scary words is a bad idea right now, agreed?"

The two unicorns nodded. He made a sound that was both apologetic and worried. Derpy put her nose against his lips.

"That's enough from you too," she said gently, "You did what you had to, and now you have to relearn you're safe."

"Do you know what's wrong?" Trixie asked.

"Old mail stallion who did the run in griffon territory. One day he took off his uniform and mail bag and jumped in a mess of cactus. After a few months in Ponyville, and the story circulating around, he told me 'It seemed a good idea at the time.' I watched him jump at little noises, go off in the corner and cry for no reason, and other things. Turns out he broke inside, they called it 'sunstroke' but it was dodging griffons, until he thought they were everywhere." Derpy glanced at their friend who hadn't moved since they left him. "I think somebody went through that stallion's 15 years all in one afternoon," the implications made worse by the happy, singsong tone Derpy was using, "I think he needs a bath, and a few strong reminders that he's safe, and we can protect him from most of the things he'll run into. And we won't run away from him when he forgets where he is."

"Trixie may have a problem with that," Lyra said quietly, "But I think I have an answer, leave a calendar and a map. He knows our numbers, and he can obviously navigate. So you can write your itinerary that way."

"Why does everypony assume Trixie will leave?" the showmare asked haughtily.

"Because even Discord figured you would," Derpy said, "But Lyra's right, you leave, and you come back, if you stay longer you can send him a letter with an amended calendar."

Trixie looked at the two other mares and sighed.

You'd think imagining Blueblood all muddy and near tears about it would be the most delicious experience in Equestria, Shining Armor thought as he kept a serious expression and his temper firmly in place, But the reality of having Blueblood in your office whining about it takes all the fun away.

"Now we understand as the colonel of a regiment, we are expected to accompany the soldiers into the field occasionally. But for polo, or a parade," the royal white unicorn stallion who was so mud-spattered, he looked like an Appaloosa whined and stamped his hooves in a way that reminded him of Fluttershy.

"Never have understood Polo, like the poor mix of Hoofball and Croquet," Shining commented.

"That's because you never learned you aren't allowed over hoof shots. So you dragged our regiment out here, instead of letting us hold our game," Blueblood whined.

Wait a Celestia-loving second, the North Border Fusiliers are his regiment. They're a crack outfit, how'd that happen? Shining wanted to demand, but kept a stoic expression.

"Of course they dragged us out here, you know big joke on a beloved officer, that kind of thing," Blueblood said, "But then we are put in actual DANGER! That's what the army is for!"

"They are the army," Shining said, and regretted it.

"But we did our service. We are only supposed to be there to wave to our adoring fans during parades. We recruited ponies who liked commanding others in the field. We know our presence inspired the troops, but we know they were worried about us and would have served just as bravely, and just as capably if we had remained behind in Canterlot."

"A sentiment shared by most of the troops, not just those of your regiment," Mile Stone said, "I assure you, Colonel Blueblood."

The distraught prince smiled. "Thank you, we are so glad someone understands." Then he was distraught again. "And how ever are we going to get all this mud out? We were just groomed, it will be so embarrassing to have that done the very next day. And the jokes, go rolling in the mud like a foal, eh Blueblood?" He sighed despondently.

The arrival of Cadence changed the dynamic. "Your Highness, why don't we head over to the canteen and get a soothing cup of tea?" she said and smiled.

"Why the canteen, I wish to retire to my tent, and my misery," Blueblood said.

"Because Rarity just searched the canteen and is headed to camp out in your tent until you return," Cadence said.

"We will continue this later," Blueblood said and made his hasty exit.

"We're using the tent as a field aid station," Cadence said, and left to follow him.

"I'm glad that silly pavilion is getting used for something useful," Armor said as he tried to remember what he was doing with the paperwork on his desk before Blueblood had burst in.

"Say what you like about his cowardice. While the tantrum he had when he realized he was on the front lines was enjoyable," Mile Stone said, "Once he understood those trenches were going to keep whatever came out of the forest from chewing on his tail, he showed tremendous will and insight in laying them out and making them as strong as possible."

"I thought you laid out those trench lines," Armor said his tone and expression betraying his amazement, "They were excellent."

"His work," Mile Stone admitted, "He was obviously paying attention in defensive engineering class. And I never thought whining was a good motivational tool."

"How did that work?" Armor asked in amazement.

"If you were doing a good job, he glanced at it and left. If you weren't . . . " Mile Stone shuddered.

"Got it," Armor said and shuddered as well.

"Oh, Captain Armor," Rarity said as she stuck her nose in the office, "I heard that Prince Blueblood was here."

"Uh," Armor said.

"Check the large pavilion," Mile Stone said, "We're using it as an aid station, but he might be there."

"How convenient," Rarity said cheerfully, then added coldly, "He'll be there shortly." She withdrew and the two battle-hardened soldiers shivered.

"Warn Princess Cadence?" Mile Stone asked.

"Warn Cadence," Armor replied, and scraped the frost off his paperwork.

"You!"

Cadence and Blueblood froze at the tone. Cadence bravely put herself between the fast approaching Rarity and the paralyzed prince.

"Prince Cadence, how wonderful to see you," Rarity said, oozing charm from every pore, "Who did you offend to be given the garbage detail?" Rarity grinned and winked at the alicorn.

"Rarity, I can't let you kill him," Cadence said firmly.

" 'Kill'," Blueblood whimpered.

"Oh your Highness," Rarity sounded hurt, "I would never think of such a thing. Who spreads these terrible rumors?"

Cadence and Blueblood relaxed slightly.

"I want him to live, ha ha ha ha!" Rarity laughed, raising the hackles on both royals, "Now, there has to be a bathtub in that gaudy hovel you dragged out here."

" 'Gaudy hovel'," Blueblood said in offended tones, caught sight of Rarity's expression and cowered, "The firm really does quality work, maybe you just haven't taken a proper look at it - "

"Silence," Rarity hissed, "Yes. Or. No. Bathtub?"

"Uh, two. One for decontam, the -" Blueblood bowed his head. "The other is my private . . . but it's too deep for that creature, unless he sat on the step that's to let ponies climb in and out."

"Hollyhock was talking about a griffon recipe, where they feed a hog peaches, apples, sweet berries, so when they roast the hog, it's got a big, fruit sausage inside. It might be possible to snip it out earlier and cook separately. Bathtub, now," Rarity said in a cheery singsong, "GO!"

"Auntie Celly!" Blueblood ran off squealing.

"See," Rarity said to a horrified Cadence, "Properly focused and trained, he's quite useful." She flipped her mane and trotted off happily.

The decontamination bath had a curtain around it. Not for any notion of pony modesty, but to prevent any splashes from reaching beyond the curtain. It served admirably as a privacy shield.

"I'm worried that he hasn't protested being naked, except for his underpants," Derpy said to Trixie. Their friend's passivity was distressing her.

"After a major performance, you can feel totally drained," Trixie said as she helped Derpy guide their friend to kneel in the shallow but wide pool. Nurse Redheart and Fluttershy were also there with buckets of vaguely warm, but soapy water to rinse him off. "You can smell the difference," Trixie added and sniffed his skin, "His normal sweat is a bit salty, like sea spray. This is more acrid. The main thing we're going to have to worry about is him falling asleep in the soak bath."

He sat down cross-legged, his head bowed as if accepting whatever came next. Trixie levitated a sponge, and began working his shouldered and back. Derpy took one hand and began washing it gently. Fluttershy carefully flew over and worked the shampoo into his hair.

"Maybe we can get a job as spa ponies," Trixie said. The others chuckled.

The attention seemed to raise some interest. He held his head still as Fluttershy worked, but he looked at the others with a confused expression, as if not understanding this simple task.

"It's all right," Nurse Redheart said in her best calming tones.

"Uh, rinse?" Fluttershy said, as she hovered before him with a bucket in her hooves. He nodded and shielded his eyes. Fluttershy daintily poured the water on his head, sluicing off the shampoo. She flew over to set the bucket down and returned with a towel for dry his hair off.

"I think you're enjoying this as much as Lyra would," Trixie half-mockingly accused.

"Well, maybe a little," Fluttershy said, "He's hurt, and we have to help him."

"Arguably the deadliest creature in Equestria, and you treat it as a huggy-toy," Trixie said, "And people say Trixie is eccentric."

"He's your friend too," Fluttershy offered.

"He is Trixie's friend. He's your plaything," Trixie said, "Not that he minds, but he isn't a bear or a squirrel. Ironically, you can talk to them better than you can to him. He might not like being treated as an object to be dealt with instead of a pony to be interacted with."

"I understand, thank you," Fluttershy replied as she finished drying his hair, then flew in front of him. Only when he looked at her did she rub her nose against his and smile. His answering smile was weary but brightened hers.

Trixie just rolled her eyes at the antics. "You should teach her Highness that," she said, "It would make their romance a lot smoother."

"You think I have -?" Fluttershy looked at him fearfully. "You think that I'm -?" She looked at Trixie. "That I want to -?" Fluttershy stammered as she looked back at him and began blushing furiously, "He's my friend!" she managed.

"Friends can be lovers," Derpy said as she worked, "Best kind I've heard."

The snort from Nurse Redheart brought them up. "If you want kids, dating another species is the worst way to get them. Hippogriffs are a story made up by pony griffon-fanciers, they don't happen, or die within a few days of birth. The other hybrids you read about in the tabloids either don't happen, or when they do use some obscene amount of magic, they don't survive. So do what you both want, just don't expect foals."

"I have a foal," Derpy said quietly, "Whose father didn't stay. Maybe I am looking for a father for my foal, and maybe a bigger family. But I want a friend first." She looked around woefully. "I don't have too many of those either."

He seemed to sense her mood, and laid a hand on her head. She looked up and smiled at him. He gave her a bemused smile back. Then dumped a rinse water bucket on her.

Derpy grimaced, then jumped into the pool and shook like a dog. "Get him girls!"

Lyra poked her head through the curtain at the sound of pony squealing that the guards outside were ignoring. She glanced up as Blueblood stuck his head in above hers. A moment later he pulled back. "I didn't see anything," he said, mirroring the guards' reactions.

"Good plan," Lyra said and spared one glance at the play fight that had two 'victims': Derpy and Trixie, flat on their backs, hooves windmilling uselessly, getting tickled by his hands, and Fluttershy with his legs wrapped around her neck, while he breathed on her ears and kept her happily squealing. Nurse Redheart was trying to look officious to break up the fight, but kept giggling. "I didn't see anything either," Lyra said, pulled back and decided to wait.

"Serves you all right," Nurse Redheart said as she walked along with the group, all of whom would occasionally wince at a pulled muscle or strain. She tried to be stern, but she kept grinning at the memory of the three ponies 'attacking' the Big Guy, and the beleaguered foe turning the situation against them. Derpy's hooves were too sensitive and she couldn't cover all of them and still 'attack'. The ring of skin around Trixie's horn had proved her undoing, and prevented her from using magic. And the less thought about Fluttershy's ears the better, the nurse pony thought as the Big Guy limped along with them.

He'd wiggle his fingers at the mares when any of them glared at him. They'd giggle and jump away, only to intensify their glare from a safe distance.

Lyra was waiting for them, with a very concerned expression on her face. A quick scratch behind the ears reassured the mint-green unicorn that the Big Guy was at least partially all right.

The bath had its own magic to make and keep it warm. Blueblood had taught Lyra the spell, before hastily retreating in tears. The Big Guy painfully climbed in, eschewing the offers of help from the ponies. He sat on the flop-down step in the bath, submerged to his shoulders and let out a pleased sigh.

Lyra watched him to ensure he either didn't fall asleep, or didn't fall over if she missed the first.

The others sat around the bath and exchanged knowing grins.

"What did I miss?" Lyra asked, and was answered with blushes and giggles she simply had to have the answers to.

Svetlana looked around the area, she had been summoned by the Ruler of Equestria, and she went. The Alicorn was looking over the remnants of the 'town' that had nearly trapped her friend. The place gave Svetlana shivers like not even a full-grown dragon could.

"What did he do here?" Princess Celestia asked, and glanced at her to let her know it wasn't a rhetorical question.

"He seemed to realize what this was, did some work to confirm his suspicions. Collected photographic proof so we could communicate to the citizens of Ponyville, and to you. Then he acted," she reported, sensing and fearing the odd mood of the Solar Diarch.

"So, it was all calculated. Like solving an equation?" Celestia asked.

Sveti felt the student facing the principal about some unspoken person's wrongdoing. "More like a technically proficient musician. There was some passion, and a certain amount of art to the preparations."

Celestia seemed to deflate slightly, bowing her head to study the ground she scuffed with her hoof. "And the execution, executions? What about that? You flew over most of it to get here."

"Professional, methodical, not passionate. The operation was more like solving an equation."

Celestia raised her head slightly, but she was still looking up at the griffon. The stance she took was not submissive, far from it. The defeat was there, but it no way implied Sveti was the victor. The powerful tone and the submissive stance grated on the griffon's instincts.

"Go on, I want stream of consciousness," Celestia said without raising her head.

"Whatever this was, it was a threat. He had confidence that his weapons would serve, he gave us, your ponies and me, more than ample time to lay down an ambush. He baited the creatures out into the open where they could be destroyed and ensured that you could locate the source and center to engage it."

"Professional?"

"Professional," Sveti agreed, "Highness, what are you looking for?"

"Our peoples have found the rules, of how to live together," Celestia said as she studied the small divot she'd dug with her hoof, "Haven't we?"

"It is not perfect," Sveti admitted, "But it has reduced friction."

"How dangerous would you say he is?" Celestia asked as she covered over the small hole she'd made.

Sveti let out a breath. "He killed a Diamond Dog who hurt some foals and then refused to stand down. He then accepted the same foal and played foalsitter/tutor for an afternoon. So he can be as lethal as a provoked rattlesnake. Or he can be as harmless as a stuffed toy. It depends."

" 'It depends', and how do we predict it? He's a monster, a killer worse than anything that lives on Equestria, and he's yet to do more than yell at my ponies. Insult me to my core." Celestia shook her head. "So you don't know what to expect from him either."

"I know not to threaten foals around him. I would be very chary about threatening a noncombatant or someone he cared for. Derpy Hooves and Fluttershy are convinced he's more a danger to himself than any ponies."

"Maybe he's already gone insane, and he'll only become a threat when he becomes lucid," Celestia said idly.

Sveti felt her hackles rise at Celestia's eerie tone and apparent disinterest, while she concentrated on minor details. "I think he will strike only against those where and when he has no other alternative. When he has friends, advocates and help, he can afford a wider variety of responses," Sveti said carefully.

I'm wondering if the Big Guy is the one who went insane, she thought carefully.

"What do you see here?" Celestia asked as gestured at the charred ruins.

"The monster's trap, destroyed," Sveti said.

"Luna and I did this. I - I enjoyed fighting something like this." The Solar Diarch looked at the griffon. "I thought of what it had done, how it had tricked us and killed my ponies without us knowing. We rained fire on it. He came in with a plan that would insure we did this, or something like it. How can you just go from slaughtering like what you flew over, to being safe for children? Would you trust him to look after one of your foals?"

"Fledgling, I actually would be more worried the fledgling would hurt him, than the other way around," Sveti said.

"Yet he planned and did this. How? Can he just turn it on and off? Is it hardwired to not harm the young, or just the helpless?" Celestia asked as she glanced around nervously.

"What was the fate of Tirek, Nistag, and Nightmare? Imprisonment or banishment. He holds Discord enthralled. He has no reason to love you, your Majesty, but has he raised a hand against you?"

Celestia shuddered. "Only in a manner of speaking," she said shakily, "More to show his own indifference to my power. When he thought I would kill him."

"Then the only one who you need fear for is your sister. She keeps offering him a reason to get close, then snatches it away. He will grow weary of that. I have no doubt of that, but strike back at her?" She looked around the ruins. "He is too smart for that. He will not strike where any can see, but at the heart of the matter. And studied indifference will cut deeper than anything that will raise your ire."

Celestia smiled wearily. "Why can all my ponies love and trust him, and I am just terrified?"

"You have hurt him, and know there will be a reckoning. If I may?" Sveti asked carefully.

Celestia raised her head and nodded.

"He would not need to hit you so hard, if you would just listen. You act as if you know everything. For anything in Equestria, you would be nearly right. Something has to be hidden with great care and effort to escape your sight. This thing is proof of that. But he is not from this world, and he wants to know the rules, so he doesn't release something that no one can control. You are afraid, because he will destroy what threatens your ponies, and you know that he has marked you and your sister as threats. But you've forgotten, he shot one Diamond Dog, and let the others not just live but leave. He blinded another batch, but they all lived and were healed. He will destroy the threat, but he will use a scalpel, not a sword. If you truly love your ponies, perhaps you can play patient to his surgeon, rather than victim to his regicide. If you find a way to trust and confide in him, he will be as gentle as he would with any other child going through growing pains."

"Thank you," Celestia said and nodded.

Sveti bowed, then made as stately a retreat as a terrified griffon could manage.

They saw he was ready to climb out, Dinky ran up to the edge of the bath and used her horn to lift up a towel to him. He took it, smiled at the foal and began drying himself off. The problem came as he stood up.

He crashed back down with a hiss. He tried to catch himself with his arms, but one seemed to collapse under him. Trixie and Lyra caught him before he could crash down completely.

"What's wrong?" Dinky squealed in alarm.

"Lift him out," Nurse Redheart said, "Easy Dinky, I think I know, and it's not life-threatening. See how swollen his ankle is?"

The young unicorn saw that his right ankle looked more like a pony's, and his left looked frighteningly skinny as it usually did. "But he could walk earlier," Dinky protested as Lyra and Trixie lowered the Big Guy onto a blanket.

"He was wearing boots," the nurse pony said as she approached, "You might want to move up where he can hold you, this might hurt a little."

"Like shots," Dinky said reproachfully and walked to his good arm and nuzzled his shoulder.

He gave her a lopsided smile, but his expression tightened as the nurse moved his foot. He said something pointed to the nurse. Dinky nuzzled him as he reacted, he petted her mane as she did.

"Dislocation," the nurse explained, "With his boots on they supported the ankle, but he's going to have to keep off it, and keep it elevated for a few days." The nurse sighed. "Now how do we tell him that?"

"We'll make sure he understands," Derpy said as she stared at the wounded limb.

"I'll talk to one of the healers," the nurse said, "But for tonight, he needs to rest. And I mean rest."

"What do you mean?" Dinky asked.

The nurse suddenly got nervous about answering.

"She means we do what we always do," Derpy said as she stared at the nurse, "Although you should probably not cuddle up with his feet."

The nurse nodded, and glanced from Derpy to Lyra. "Yes, of course, sorry."

Dinky smiled. "That's okay. He's always trying to keep them warm, I thought I'd help."

"I'll bring some cold packs for his elbow and ankle," the nurse said and backed out of the room in the tent.

"What would we be doing except sleeping?" Dinky asked.

"Snuggling," her mom said as she walked over and rubbed her nose on the Big Guy's, then on Dinky's. The little foal giggled.

Rarity sat beside the side entrance that led directly into the Big Guy's temporary quarters. Others guarded the internal entrance, but Rarity and her 'volunteer' had stationed themselves out here.

The extremely nervous Blueblood would occasionally sidle a few inches away from Rarity, and his post. The mare would allow it, until the gap opened, then she'd clear her throat. The fretting prince would dart back into place. After a few repetitions, and the signs that the entire camp was going to sleep, Rarity spoke up.

"You seem to enjoy playing the useless dolt," she said.

"Useless fop," he corrected, "It gets me overlooked. Without being completely ignored as totally clueless."

"Why?" she whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

"You sat between my mother and my aunt, and have to ask that question?" he replied, and moved slightly away from her. "It's also useful in dealing with the occasional assassin or madpony. Even Celestia has enemies. Screaming at an errant moth, and knocking a flower pot on their head from three stories up, and nopony credits me with anything."

"I can't imagine anypony plotting against her Highness," Rarity whispered aghast.

"Because you love Auntie Celestia, and Aunt Luna. Some of the old families think that ponies should rule ponies."

"What about Nightmare Moon and Discord?" Rarity whispered.

"They'd come to an accommodation. That is, toss as many ponies to the monsters as it took so they wouldn't be bothered."

"That's horrible," Rarity said.

"That's how the ponies governed themselves before the Pony-sisters. It may be that Discord just had to sit back and watch the chaos. It explains his looking at us as playthings, we were never worthy of his respect," Blueblood said, "If that's the case, that may be why he was unknown in ancient times and only actually 'ruled' when we started to behave rationally. The toys quit being amusing and he had to prod them."

Rarity cleared her throat again, and Blueblood practically jumped back to his post. She was beginning to suspect he rather enjoyed the game.

They'd arranged the bedding on the floor of the tent. The height of the bed made falling off a concern. The mares giggled among themselves as they denied the Big Guy any hand in the preparations. Arriving by 'magic carpet' had been provocative, accepting being fussed over and pampered drove him quietly mad. Much to their amusement. Sveti made sure there was adequate insulation between him and the ground while Derpy placed the pillows just so, to ensure his leg stayed elevated. Any complaints by him elicited giggles and an occasional nuzzle.

He begrudgingly laid down to let them layer the blankets, and set the ice packs on his ankle and elbow. As Dinky moved around behind, he did insist on something.

"I guess he's worried about someone getting to his throat," Dinky said as he craned his neck to let her snuggle in under his chin and against his chest. She carefully aimed her horn and hooves away from him. "That won't work," she said as she examined her position. Dinky turned. "That won't work either."

She suddenly realized the only position that would. She turned around and crawled forward on her belly, until her forelegs were under his neck, and her neck was draped over his, complete enclosing that vulnerable spot with her body. He grabbed a pillow to place behind him for her to prop her head upon. Before he relaxed again.

Her momma snuggled against his back, while Lyra took the front. Trixie took up a position near his legs, to watch the leg support and the ice pack. Sveti had taken the bolster position as he laid his head on her barrel.

"This is kind of weird," the griffon said.

"The best place for a pony is right behind the foreleg," Trixie said, "Unicorn and pegasus."

The griffon nodded. They missed the gray-magenta eyes that had watched this last part longingly.

Celestia withdrew from the aid station tent. The medics had confiscated it, and Blueblood had made a protest to Shining Armor. We should have left him behind, she thought of her nephew, But we needed another set of experienced eyes, and he was trained. And managed to stay interested until he discovered he'd have to go out and get dirty. Then did I ever hear from his mother. She looked at another noble who was taking things too seriously.

"Hello sister, are you going to check up on him?" Celestia asked her distracted and scattered sister.

"Oh, Celestia, no I don't think that's a good idea. Better he stay with the medics and I check the perimeter."

The rapid-fire delivery, blush and display of nervousness from Luna which initially piqued Celestia's curiosity, morphed into concern. "Are you feeling all right?" Celestia asked carefully.

"Never better," Luna blurted out, then in horror realized what she'd said. She sighed and gathered herself. "There are hurt ponies, you and I acted like a pair of angry gods to destroy something utterly, and I feel not just fine, but better, clearer and more focused than I ever have before." She waved at the medical tent. "And it's his fault! I do want to go to him, in the form of his people, then I want to fight him, and whomever wins or loses, I want him inside me, filling my belly with his foals, his future. I want it so badly I know I'll do it," she admitted tearfully to her stunned sister, "If I go in there, even like this, I'll lose something of me that I will never get back. He's mortal, why should I care if he lives or he dies, I should have been like you! Striking for our ponies! Not for revenge, but to prevent any more from becoming victims! Instead, I fought something, without holding back, because it hurt somepony I cared about. And I felt, and feel more alive than I ever have. Now I want to prove it, to everyone. I want to challenge the guards to hoof-to-hoof combat, I want to challenge my sister to a no-holds barred tussle of muscle and magic, and want to be with a stallion irregardless of what he wants. That's all wrong, but it's what I feel." She bowed her head. "It's hard being around other ponies feeling like this. If I went in, I don't know what I'd do."

"Sister, you won't do anything to hurt him," Celestia said and raised her sister's chin with a hoof so they looked at each other, "Love is not always just and kind, sometimes it's selfish, and thinking isn't the same as doing." She kissed her sister on the muzzle. "But I will take a raincheck on that tussle. I feel much the same. I wonder if his people ever realized that it is good that fighting and war are so terrible that we might grow fond of it. Go to him."

Luna shook her head. "I can't."

"If you don't," Celestia said, then a perfect duplicate of the form Luna had in the dream faced her, "I might. Would you like a whole pack of nieces and nephews?"

"You wouldn't!" Luna gasped.

The humanoid deeply considered. "You're right." She transformed into whom she'd been in dream. "I'd be honest about whom he was getting in a family way. Maybe it would get me over the fact that he terrifies me. He's struck me only once, and that was only to prove he didn't care if I killed him." Celestia returned to her normal form. She shook her head. "I looked at the town, and the trail of destruction leading away from it, and couldn't think of anything but 'what if this turned on my ponies' despite the glaring reality that it was only done to protect my ponies." Celestia looked at Luna. "I am as guilty as you, of having emotions beyond my control. Discord, Sombra -"

"Nightmare Moon," Luna added.

"Nightmare Moon, but not Luna, they threatened our ponies. I could understand my feelings. He's been nothing but a pranksome friend, putting his life and sanity on the line to defend our ponies from threats unimaginable, and he shows no evidence of changing. I should be commissioning a new hall for all the stained-glass windows he'll deserve. Instead, I nearly want to drag him out into the woods and crush him with my own hooves. The terrifying thing is, if I could communicate with him, he might even volunteer. That's so wrong. But it tortures me, as much as your feeling torment you. You aren't alone in being conflicted, my sister. But you can act on your conflict, and see what really will happen on confronting your fears. I must assuage mine than none of my friends and advisors will speak a bad word against him, save 'don't threaten the helpless around him'. Not a bad blemish to a sterling character."

"Oh Tia." Luna nuzzled her sister.

"Go to him, get your foals. Then I can at least be legitimately jealous that my little sister had a lover and children before I did, and I can get revenge by spoiling them rotten," Celestia said and grinned.

Luna chuckled as she left.

Hmm, both? No, let him heal. But the fires will have cooled before the next battle . . . I hope! Celestia thought as she trotted off to check the perimeter, I'm going to kill my little sister for planting that image in my brain.

Luna looked at the two 'guards', both unicorns, both pale as would befit a royal guard, one placid, the other utterly terrified.

"Lady Rarity, I would speak with you. Alone," Luna said and glared at Blueblood. The trembling prince cringed, but looked fearfully at Rarity.

"Be a dear and hold the fort," Rarity said pleasantly, "We'll go off and chat over there." She gestured with a hoof at a copse of trees near the perimeter.

The prince nodded enthusiastically.

"How did you -?" Luna asked, of the seemingly transformed prince.

"Oh, something I learned from Fluttershy, and the Big Guy. When you have their, undivided attention, their hearts and minds will follow."

Luna nodded. "Do you want foals?" Luna blurted out.

"Well this is quite sudden, but I'm certain that Celestia will preside and there are ample ponies for a proper train of bridesmares and groomstallions, maybe a few groomsmares as well, won't that be confusing," Rarity replied, her hoof under her chin.

Luna stared at her for several moments. "That isn't what I meant."

"Oh good, I don't think I'd make a proper stallion," Rarity assured her.

Luna wasn't going to walk into that field of cowflops. "The Big Guy and me, was what I was referring to."

"Do you think it wise to start a family with someone you cannot yet talk to?" Rarity asked carefully. "Fluttershy and Derpy seem to be able to make themselves understood, but that's natural talent. He can seem to be perfectly clear to me, and I'm still certain I'm missing a huge detail," she admitted. "Are you similarly afflicted/conflicted?"

Luna nodded. "I think I'm going mad. I want to be there, but I know I shouldn't. But everyone tells that my fears are baseless. Yet, they are my fears, and I cannot understand the depths of these feelings."

"You care, and you want," Rarity said, "I saw how deep and irrational those emotions can be. But you have friends to pull you back. I learned that too. I think what you really want, is foals, and friends, and a lover. But you want it all now. There's nothing wrong with wanting it, dreaming about it, and thinking how to get it now. But you have to understand that you may not be ready for it. And with the language barrier, that may be a major hurdle. And you haven't had a special somepony before, or haven't had in a long time. Wanting somepony as a thing is not love, although it feels like it. We all want things. People are sometimes very hard to love on their own terms."

"So, I should stay away?" Luna asked, confused.

"No, no." Rarity shook her head. "Go, but don't insist on the fulfillment of your dreams." She glanced back at Blueblood, standing off an officious functionary and denying the mandarin entry. "Your dreams must be shared, or they mean nothing, and are illusions."

Luna nodded. "Thank you."

The pair trotted back. The functionary saw them coming, froze, then trotted off.

"Any trouble?" Rarity said sweetly.

"I told him you'd be very cross," Blueblood said and puffed out his chest.

"You think I'm scary, do you?" Rarity said crossly.

Blueblood stammered out an apology and half a dozen conflicting explanations while Rarity's glare sharpened. Luna giggled and nosed into the tent.

The interior was darkened, but she could see plainly. Two more normal guards blocked entry into the corner where Blueblood's private sanctum had been requisitioned. The guards acknowledged her presence, and took no further action.

I wish they'd have at least tried to steer me away, she thought, Everypony seems to be pushing me towards this. Why am I the only one afraid? Even Celestia, for her different fears, pushed me onward.

She stuck her head into the enclosure. They were laid out on the floor. His leg was elevated and had cold pack on the ankle. The foal, Dinky, looked like she had taken a massive bite out of his throat. The others somehow became aware of her presence and turned to look.

Oh no, synchronized puppy dog eyes, Luna thought, And again, they aren't afraid the way I am. Lyra carefully extracted herself from his grip, offering the choice spot to her princess. Luna nodded and accepted the gift in spirit it was offered, and settled into the space left vacant. She noticed Lyra laid down behind her, back-to-back. So I can't escape, she thought suspiciously, then discarded the thought. But this close, with the reality before me. I don't feel the same. Perhaps having, isn't the same as wanting. She felt his arms slip around her and draw her close. Yes, I will settle for this, and that, she thought as let her magic find the injuries and speed the natural healing process.

Lyra looked down at herself. It was bright, far brighter than it had been moments before when she'd closed her eyes. She was standing on two legs, with hands at the ends of her arms. She felt a strange tightness around her barrel and her hips. I'm wearing clothes, human clothes, she thought and her delight at the revelation of her new condition vanished as she realized she was fast asleep and she was likely dreaming all this.

"Lyra?" came Derpy's voice, "I looked around, and I couldn't find Fluttershy, Trixie or Dinky." The equally humanized pegasus walked out of the darkness towards her. "I guess Luna will be here shortly."

"You know it's me?" Lyra asked.

"The shirt and slacks are the same color as your coat, and your hair is the same color as your mane, so I guessed."

Lyra grinned. Simplistic, but straightforward, she thought.

"The Princesses and Trixie had a similar event, remember?" Derpy said.

Lyra nodded. "So much has happened since then. When it happened to them, it was Discord's doing, you don't suppose?" Lyra said.

With the sound of a gong, the draconequus appeared. "Well, you passed the first two tests, are you ready for the penalty phase?"

"Where's Dinky?" Derpy asked, self control muting her worry to a hint of concern in her voice.

"All of you are fine," Discord said dismissively and waved the concern away, then sprayed it with something sweet-smelling from a can and stomped on it, "I'm in his head, remember? If I hurt your foal, there's literally no place to hide, and nothing he couldn't do to me. As you will see. I tried to bring you all, but only you two were in the right sleep state. Now to the penalty phase."

"We'll fight you," Derpy said.

"I think not," Discord said as he walked, the two ponies kept the same distance despite not moving, "You'll be far too busy." He faded from sight as the streets and buildings of Canterlot appeared. Briefly, an image of their pony forms appeared around their legs, but it vanished quickly. The images of Rarity, the Big Guy and Dinky did form and stayed solid. The two humanized ponies shrugged and followed the group as they walked.

"This is his dream?" Derpy asked as they walked with the others.

"I think so," Lyra replied as she tested her new body, how it bent, how it balanced, she stuck a finger in her mouth and felt the teeth. "But why isn't Luna here?" Lyra asked. Now Derpy shrugged.

There was a commotion they were headed towards. Lyra heard pony voices, but couldn't pick out words. "It must be his dream, he doesn't know what they are saying, but he knows the sounds."

Derpy nodded as she jogged ahead of the group the instant the Big Guy picked up speed. Her shocked gasp told Lyra all she needed to know as Lyra took up a defensive position at the tail of the 'convoy'. She felt the hair on the back of her neck standing up as she tried to watch in all directions.

The cage was big. Lyra had seen similar cages for traveling wild animal shows and circuses. This one was one of a train. It had a few familiar forms. Oh no, oh no, oh no, Lyra thought of the disheveled filthy creature in one of the cages. It screamed, venting rage or demanding action, and it looked like the Big Guy, or it looked like a dark-haired version of Derpy or herself, as they currently appeared, A female.

Most of the ponies shied away from the outburst, and the keeper who'd been 'encouraging' it to make noise, now was alarmed at the quantity. Lyra could also see the fear and calculation in the keeper's eyes. The keeper shouted at the Big Guy some warning. The Big Guy grinned at the burly earth pony and wiggled his fingers.

The Big Guy faced the creature who was still shouting at him and the crowd. He touched his finger to his lips, then whistled something. The tune had a faintly martial tone, but the female stopped trying to assault the cage bars or tip over the wagon. She stared in amazement at the creature whistling. Around and behind him, ponies murmured in awe and confusion.

If he'd punched her in the face she wouldn't have gone quiescent like that, Lyra thought as the Big Guy stepped past the stunned pony and close enough the female could have reached him, if she'd wanted.

The female pointed at him, and clearly asked a question. Her tone was curious, rather than deferential, but she seemed to sense the huge weight that rested on the answer. The Big Guy actually blushed and replied with a single word. The female collapsed back on her haunches and began laughing, repeating the word over and over with a few embellishments. It was not a happy, joyous laugh, but a desperate laugh of one who'd watched hope drain through her fingers once again.

The Big Guy looked at the keeper, pointed at the laughing/sobbing figure and held out a handful of bits. The keeper took a mulish stance and began pontificating. The Big Guy reached into a pouch on his hip and pulled out more bits. The keeper's tone lost some of its enthusiasm. Derpy stepped up and took the pile of bits in her hands. The Big Guy doubled the amount Derpy was carrying. The keeper stared at the pile of gold. The keeper was having trouble making coherent arguments, the pile of gold distracting him.

Probably as much as the whole show makes in a month, Lyra thought, Not that I enjoy the idea that ponies can be bought like that. Or that we'd enslave one of the Big Guy's people like that. But this is his nightmare. What does this represent? That without a harem of mares, he'd fall the same way this female did? That Celestia's, and Luna's, hot and cold attitude means she'd condone this happening to him, and even might have preferred it?

The keeper seemed to be wavering, so the Big Guy scooped up many of the bits Derpy was holding, and prepared to pour them back into the pouch, when the keeper reacted, indicating a few more would seal the deal. The Big Guy provided them. The female had moved up to the bars, watching the entire exchange intently. Her faint displeasure at being 'bought' faded as she considered she might soon be free.

The keeper gave some vague warning as they proceeded towards the locked door. Lyra, Derpy and Rarity followed him closely. The Big Guy waited for the door to be opened and held out a hand. The female took it, acting every inch a queen stepping out of a carriage. Rarity gasped in amazement at the transformation.

"I've seen that kind of change in him," Derpy said quietly, "But, are all his people so changeable? He can't understand us, so we can talk."

"This is his nightmare, what is it about?" Lyra replied as the Big Guy bent down and spoke earnestly to Rarity. Lyra approached the female. She glanced at Lyra and shied away. "She still sees us as ponies."

The Dinky dream image walked close and barked. "Woof! Woof!" Dinky shouted, panted like a dog and wagged her tail. The strange woman briefly smiled, like a shooting star. Her face brightened when she did.

The Big Guy pointed to Rarity and said a word. The designer gave a welcoming smile. The female wasn't biting. She said the word, and point from Rarity to the Big Guy, then to him and Derpy, and Lyra. She said the word, pointed to herself and shook her head.

We might be part of his group, but she isn't, not enough to trust on short notice. No, that's wrong, she accepts being part of his group, but she doesn't trust us out of his sight, Lyra thought. The Big Guy relented and asked Rarity to lead them.

"I believe they are that changeable," Lyra said as the female leaned heavily on his arm as they walked after Rarity. Lyra took up a rearguard position so she could watch the keeper's expression.

He's already thinking of stealing her back, Lyra realized, We'd better keep an eye on her. And we'd better get a message off to the Princesses. How many others like him are held across Equestria? Wait! This is a dream, his worries and fears. Is he afraid that they'll throw him in a cage, rather than simply kill him? Or is this fears he'll be alone forever? Despite it all being a dream, Lyra was developing a severe headache and a churning stomach.

Rarity led them to a spa outside the palace. The female glanced at the place hatefully, but seemed to know to keep a civil tongue, even if no one, not even the Big Guy, could understand her. They could interpret tone. The entry into the spa with something that stank worse than a Diamond Dog was instantly smoothed over by Rarity. While Lyra couldn't understand what Rarity said, she was comprehensible to the other dream phantoms.

The first major difference between the female and the Big Guy came when she was ushered into the bathing room, and the Big Guy made to leave. Her alarm cry was extremely clear, and no amount of reassurance would convince her that Rarity, Derpy, Dinky and Lyra could be trusted.

Derpy broke the deadlock by dragging over a chair next to the bath tub and facing it away from the tub. She and the female insisted he stay in it. He shrugged and accepted their orders. The female seemed to accept the mailmare's presence, but unicorns seem to cause her some concerns. Rarity and Dinky decided to begin remedying this by taking up guard positions near the doors. Lyra would get whatever Derpy needed to help clean some of the caked filth off the female, but Lyra carefully did not directly approach, and moved back out of 'trigger range' as soon as she could. She received a grateful nod from the female when she realized Lyra was trying not to exacerbate her anxiety.

They also had to drain the tub twice to get all the dirt off the poor woman.

"She's kind of pretty, I'm guessing," Derpy said as he carefully wrapped her in a sheet after she dried off, "Not Rarity or Princess pretty, but like you or Twilight."

"What's wrong with how you look?" Lyra asked.

Derpy looked at her hands. "My eyes, and I get clumsy when I get too excited," she said shamefacedly.

"Well, you haven't fallen over or done anything to him," Lyra pointed out.

"He's . . . " Derpy searched for the word, "He's like the furniture, there, but, not a pony there. If that makes any sense. I should be afraid of him, or in awe or something. But he's just - there. Not expecting me to, to mess up," she said, "Just letting me be me."

"I understand. The crazy, human-obsessed mare understands. Maybe he isn't human. Maybe he's something else. But he's real, and he's completely alien. So maybe if he isn't human, humans exist somewhere," Lyra said.

Dinky was barking happily about something and hopping up and down. The Big Guy knelt down and spoke carefully, but the female looked askance at the overactive foal.

Whatever he'd said seemed to calm the foal down enough she was not nettling the new member of the group. Dinky ran for where clothes had been located. The clothing was ill-fitting, but they were clean and soft. The woman seemed grateful for the attention.

"She is rather pretty," Lyra said as she took up the rearguard, while Rarity led the group.

"What insanity is this?!" came Luna's outraged tone. Only Lyra and Derpy seemed to hear her.

"Excuse me, the alicorn formerly known as Nightmare Moon, this is a nightmare, and I didn't invite you because I thought you'd come on your own," Discord's peevish tone replied.

Lyra looked at Derpy, who was also searching for the people speaking. The mailmare shook her head.

She doesn't know either, Lyra thought.

The group continued towards the palace. Lyra spotted several ponies who 'just happened' to be following them. Guards undercover, or people from the carnival? Lyra wondered as the group entered the palace. Rarity excused herself and tried to rush off. The Big Guy immediately took off after her. It was clear the fashionista wanted to answer the challenge of clothes, and the Big Guy realized that Rarity might be biting off more than she could chew. The newcomer followed them curiously, but seemed to understand that staying with the Big Guy was the safest course. So the column dashed through the palace like a parade of the mad.

"OW!" Luna complained, still invisible. "Why didn't you warn me?"

"What part of 'nothing I did changed things' was not comprehensible?" Discord commented.

"People, people," a cultured voice interjected, "We've seen how this turns out. Can we at least coordinate so we don't have to watch him go through it again?"

" 'Again?'" Derpy shouted as she looked around, "What's going to happen? What is going on?" Derpy's nervousness was compounded by the newcomer suddenly being wrapped in bed sheets, rather than the ill-fitting clothes she'd worn a few moments earlier. And rather than racing to Rarity's quarters, they were all standing in them.

The rest of the group watched as Rarity sketched out a set of clothes clearly inspired by the book the Big Guy had lent her. The female stared in stunned shock at the diagrams. Rarity looked so apologetic, Lyra wanted to hug the poor mare. But she quickly recovered and diagramed the suit the Big Guy had worn to the party. The female approached cautiously and began gesturing for changes. Rarity was clearly in the zone as she extended the skirt, kept the heavy boots and the dress shirt, but bloused the sleeves. Lyra caught the Big Guy's grin as the pair worked out the design. Then Rarity instantly dragooned the Big Guy to do the measurements. Since he'd gone through it with Rarity.

"I'm an idiot!" Derpy blurted out and raced from the room.

Lyra looked at the confused others and shrugged. The others returned to diagraming the measurements that Rarity would need. The newcomer was getting overwhelmed by the actions of the others, and their automatic assumption that she'd understand it was for her benefit. She was glancing nervously at the people she couldn't talk to clearly.

"It's all right," Lyra assured her, from just outside the 'activation' distance, "It's all right."

The woman grimaced, then gestured her forward.

"This is your fault," Discord announced, still out of sight, and only audible when shouting.

"My fault?" came the unseen Luna's outraged reply.

"I'm not the one who's forcing him to bottle everything up," Discord complained as Derpy returned carrying a few paper-wrapped parcels and a sheet rolled up over her shoulder.

"Are they still arguing?" Derpy asked as she delivered parcels to the newcomer and extended the sheet so she had a privacy partition. Lyra took one corner to give wider coverage. The woman unwrapped the parcels. Inside were sets of the underwear that the Big Guy usually wore. With an emphatic shrug, the woman removed the wraps that had clothed her and put the underwear on. The mares lowered the sheet. The newcomer took on a rather 'cute' pose, but stuck out her tongue at the Big Guy, ruining the obvious purpose. It still made the Big Guy grin.

Lyra filed that away for later examination.

He began taking the measurements. The newcomer glaring at him as if challenging him to laugh, or blush as he reported the results to Rarity. He stayed as dispassionate as he often did. Lyra found the woman's piercing gaze falling on each of them. Lyra kept her expression impassive, but nodded. Derpy just grinned and waved back. The woman seemed vaguely disgusted by Derpy's reaction.

But Derpy is not a unicorn, Lyra said.

"Let me in!" Luna shouted. Lyra glanced around. When she looked back, Rarity had the slacks and blouse combination complete.

Lyra shook her head. "When Luna or Discord try to break in, the universe jumps the tracks."

"Of course, it's a dream," Derpy said and munched a muffin than hadn't been in the room moments before.

Lyra sighed and chuckled. I'm thinking about this too much. If I want to concentrate on something, I should think about the cause of this. Discord has seen this, so he's dreaming the same approximate thing over and over. What is it? she wondered, Discord said the Big Guy had to bottle things up. This doesn't seem to be something that needs bottling up. Imprisonment? Imprisonment in Canterlot? I would have been screaming blue murder if they locked me up for no reason.

The newcomer was wearing the combination and seemed very pleased with the fit and styling. She spoke to Rarity, and the fashionista demurely accepted, as if such work was to be expected. The warm feeling was shattered by Celestia's arrival. Both the Big Guy and the newcomer seemed ill-at-ease by the ruler's presence. Both were unfailingly polite, but they had a tension in them that not even Dinky and Rarity displayed. Her Highness seemed not to notice.

Out of politeness, or is she not getting the signals? Lyra wondered as she let Rarity take the lead. Since none of the rest of them could understand Equestrian as spoken by the dream creatures.

Satisfied, the princess left the group. Then everyone relaxed. Even Rarity, Lyra thought, Did she not bring up the circumstances? Or did her highness not care? Wait, it doesn't matter why. Without a lengthy explanation, he'll never know. If one was inclined to doubt her Highness' goodwill, it would be very suspicious she didn't react. But wouldn't she have other sources to investigate? Idiot, if she knew that, then she'd know the girl was in a cage. Auugh! I hate not understanding! I want to shake somebody until they talk straight. This must be what he lives with every day. You can guess by tone and expression, but they could be planning to slit your throat.

The rest of the day became a blur as they collected their parcels and returned to Ponyville through the door in the side of the mountain. The newcomer seemed confused by the odd situation of passing through the door after Rarity tossed bolts of cloth to change the slightly muddy, splotchy colors into brilliantly single-hued cloth. Then the ponies walked through to no effect. The Big Guy had to walk back and forth through it several times before she'd follow.

While Rarity took the cloth back into Ponyville, the rest of the group headed to the house. The newcomer was amazed at the size, the collections of books and trinkets, and the furnishings of the home. Lyra smiled at the woman chattered happily, opening cabinets, examining books. Then fell silent as she reverently opened a book. The war machine on the cover would barely have fit in the house. But the red star on the front drew the newcomer's attention. The man nodded, smiled, and disappeared deeper into the house, only to return with several books that elicited even more excitement.

Lyra looked at Derpy and shrugged. "She doesn't speak his language either, but the books he gave Twilight are for her language."

"Do any of their people have the same language?" Derpy asked.

The next few days passed again in a dreamy blur. The woman initially slept in one of the other rooms, and was visited occasionally by one pony. Generally Derpy or Dinky, and sometime Sveti. The woman worked out some of the mathematics, and as she lost her worries about unicorns, started working happily with Twilight. While she was with the Big Guy, and his immediate 'family', she was smiles and tolerance. But on several occasions, Lyra or Derpy caught her quietly weeping. There were also the suspicious ponies who were occasionally spotted in Ponyville. They always fled with maddening success on being spotted or confronted. So nopony learned if they were from the Princess(es) or the carnival.

The Big Guy also laid out that the woman was a soldier, a soldier of a country opposed to the Big Guy's. More heartbreaking, she was from a time when they were enemies, but her nation had collapsed almost a generation before he had left his home to come to Equestria.

"Imagine, saved by an enemy, after the nation you'd sworn to protect has fallen," Lyra said to Derpy in one of the few times they weren't passive observers to the passage of time.

"She seems to be coming around," Derpy said, "She's been working at Applejack's farm quite a lot. All the kids seem to love her."

"I didn't see that," Lyra admitted, "But there are so many things going on. Like where is he going in such a hurry?" Lyra ran after him as he rushed out. Derpy followed, but paced him until she recognized the road he was jogging down. Then she raced ahead towards Sweet Apple Acres.

When they arrived, nothing seemed amiss. Big Mac was in the fields, and Applejack was bucking some of the trees near the house. The Big Guy hailed them, but seemed fixated on the old barn. Derpy flew ahead, but a snarl from him warned her off. That brought Big Mac and Applejack into the equation. They put aside their tasks and headed towards the barn. Derpy risked a glance inside and immediately retreated.

"No. No. No. No," the normally composed mare stammered as she backed away from the barn.

He closed the door behind him. Applejack approached, clearly irritated at being warned off from her own barn. When she moved to open the door, Derpy tackled her. The mailmare shook her head. There was the sound of someone falling, but no cry after. Applejack moved up, but again Derpy interposed herself. Big Mac said something in a placating tone, but Derpy shook her head and held her ground.

"Derpy, what's going on?" Lyra asked.

"You can figure it out," she said quietly. The door bumped into her from behind and she pulled it open. The Big Guy was carrying the woman, a cloth over her face and neck. His face was expressionless as he wended his way through the ponies. Lyra glanced into the barn and she caught the heavy rope hanging from one of the support beams.

"No," she whispered as she turned to run after him. Derpy was ahead of her, but she never reached him.

Derpy looked at herself. She was no longer a two-leg, but back as a pony. Lyra, back as a pony, opened her eyes and shook her head.

"Why would she hang herself?" Lyra gasped, "She cried, but she was happy," the unicorn added, "Or I thought she was."

"That's what's been playing tonight," Discord angrily shouted at an equally angry Princess Luna, " 'Oh why don't you do something'," Discord said in falsetto. "Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, remember? I'm supposed to inflict misery and confusion. Well, he's got a bumper crop and there's not a cursed thing I can do about it. I foolishly thought the Princess of Dreams might at least have a clue."

"Discord," Princess Luna said warningly.

"Oh don't 'Discord' me," Discord replied, "I've seen things in here that would send you and your sister screaming for your mommies!"

"Because he did," a gray sphere that hovered off at a distance said.

"It's starting, why can we go in and fix it?" Lyra asked, "Now that we know what to look for. Why didn't you warn us so we could prevent that?"

"Because it wouldn't work," Discord said patiently, then returned to glaring at Luna.

"Can someone tell me why she killed herself?" Derpy asked and looked at the others.

"There was no 'she', those were both part of his personality," the gray sphere said reasonably, "Imagine a being who had both Pinkie Pie's and Big MacIntosh's mind and personality as their own. Not an average, not all one and none of the other switching back and forth, but an ever-changing mix."

Derpy tried, then the world tilted over and went black.

Luna watched the wall-eyed mailmare's eyes both stare straight ahead, then she fell over in a faint.

"She took that better than I thought," 'Tom' said.

"What you're describing is insane," Lyra complained.

"Of course," Tom said, "That's the crux of the problem. He has realized that the animus, the logical/rational portion of his personality and soul can have free reign, but if the anima the passionate and creative side breaks out, he'll be punished. If not by the pony sisters, then their agents. He was thrown in prison for making a joke that ten-seconds of rational thought would have made clear. He can't become angry, or he'll be punished. The only answer is to suppress, to 'kill' that part of him."

"But wouldn't that destroy him?" Lyra asked.

"Congratulation on guessing the obvious," Discord said and clapped softly, "Care to put the recent behavior in context?"

"He went looking for a fight to die in," Derpy said as she stood up again, "We have to do something."

"Well, it seems your subjects are faster on the uptake than their princess," Discord said sardonically and glared at Luna, "You should be so proud. Now, anypony got an idea on how to fix it?"

"I don't think a muffin will fix this," Derpy said and grinned, "Even one of my specials."

"Who's -?" Lyra began, then looked at the furious princess and dropped the subject, "What does he need? Beat up something? Scream at someone?"

Derpy looked around nervously. "Ah, could we look like that in a dream and we'd, uh, you know?" She blushed furiously and bowed her head. "I think we were kind of pretty, even if he only saw us as ponies."

"He's a bit beyond the age where that kind of wrestling solves all the world's problems," Tom supplied, "But you may be on the right track. Encouraging the anima might be a good way to deal with it. Method is what's escaping us."

"Maybe you should be a little less thin-skinned when he's trying to help," Discord told Luna.

"That's it!" The Lunar Diarch charged, only to fall into a hole that appeared at her feet.

"She can fly, you know," Luna heard Lyra pointed out as she fell.

"There's slightly different laws here," Discord said darkly.

So it began. Just knowledge, of his home world, and Luna couldn't stop it.

Filly Luna landed from the ceiling, her wings tight against her and her legs folded under her. The small form shivered, but her eyes were wide open with pinpoint pupils.

"Now do I have your attention?" Discord asked politely.

Luna managed to raise her head and gave a single nod before going back to shivering.

"What, do I want to know what?" Derpy asked as she approached and nuzzled the terrified filly.

"That was just their weather, little Luna. I can show you what plate tectonics, the 40-year solar cycle, and eclipses where the moon gets between the sun and the Earth do. Would you like that?" Discord said menacingly.

The filly shook her head.

"Good, then let's get down to cases," Discord said happily, summoning the weirdest chair she'd ever seen for himself and couches for the ponies. Luna was draped with a blue blanket festooned with moon and sun symbols. Luna drew its enveloping warmth tightly around her. The floating rock, Tom, had a shirt that read 'I worked for the eye 20 years, and all I got was this crummy ring.'

"So, after our latest outburst of violence," Discord began.

"You mean the failed suicide attempt," Lyra said.

"Ah, we have an 'Everyone' rating, no talk like that," Tom warned. When Lyra and Derpy stared, Tom added, "Think about that Dinky might overhear."

The mares nodded.

"Uh, we could, play with him," Derpy offered.

Luna's reply was stopped by Discord's near-murderous glare at her.

His tone to Derpy was pleasant and encouraging. "Please go on, I'm out of answers. Which is pretty frightening to me."

"He liked looking after Dinky. I think he needs to get out to run and play," Derpy said then she bowed her head, "His injuries might make that hard."

"I'm working on that," Luna said, and felt her body return to its adult form as she pushed the horrors of the planet he'd come from out of her mind. "How can they live there?" she asked quietly.

"They do," Discord said, "Get past that and figure out how he's going to live here." Discord clapped his hand, they made a clapping sound, "I need them clear thinking, and after watching earthquakes, tsunamis and that little movie a few dozen times, I need a break from 'non-life affirming' Chaos."

"Who are you talking to?" Derpy asked.

Discord pointed. The mares stared.

"Gotcha," Tom said.

The mares grinned and went back to the matter at hand. "So just let him run and play with the kids. Could we arrange with Cheerilee . . . how is he going to communicate? Stick figures and sign language?" Lyra asked.

"Sound," Derpy said, "He's got dictionaries, if they're like the big one in the library it's got all the sounds the letters make. That's one." Derpy looked at him. "Discord, what did he do? What is he like?"

"He built machines as large as the towers of Canterlot, and fired them into space. No, I'm not joking," Tom said, "Flight. Perhaps, paper airplanes. He could sit and let the kids run around."

"I like paper airplanes, but mine crash all the time," Derpy said cheerfully.

"That's just one day," Luna said, "What about the rest."

"We can't be structured," Discord pointed out, "That's why we're in this mess to begin with."

Luna glared, but restrained herself.

"Uh, what about throwing Pinkie a birthday party?" Lyra offered.

"Pinkie already had a birthday party," Derpy replied.

"But he doesn't know that," Lyra pointed out, "That'll let both sides have a hand in what he's doing."

"You're corrupting them," Luna said.

"I am teaching them a palatable form of chaos. Besides the 'pony-orderly' method worked out so well. You nearly lost one of your Element Bearers. Bravo," Discord said, this time the clap sounded like a flock of birds. "That's good, and since it's a surprise party, he has to conceal it."

"You can tell him about it?" Derpy asked.

"Yes, I can talk to him, and talk to you," Discord said.

"Can you teach him to speak Equestrian?" Lyra asked.

"Teach him, yes, enable him to do so, no," Discord said, "There are certain sounds he can't recreate properly. You should have heard some of the things he called Spackle even with Dinky coaching him. So, we have a surprise party for Pinkie Pie, and an outing with the kids. I think that may be a good start. A little looser hand on the reins, er, tiller may also help."

"My joie de vivre is just fine," Luna recalled the earlier accusation.

"Hmph," Discord replied, "Now you and Celestia wrassling in the middle of a field, I'd pay good money to watch."

"What!? That was a private conversation!" Luna gasped and leapt off the couch.

"Oh, so they shouldn't have heard, sorry, my mistake," Discord said.

Luna found herself snuggled up against the subject.

Dinky was brushing his hair with a hoof and whispering, "It's okay, just a bad dream. We're all here. It's okay, just a bad dream. It's okay. It's okay."

The frightened noises he was making subsided and Dinky nuzzled him. "We all love you. We all want you to stay. We all want you happy."

Day 26

Applebloom watched the royal chariots unload the golden apple trees. The gift from her Highness to the Apple family. The scent of the apple blossoms was better than anything Applebloom had ever smelled before.

The faint cries of the Timberwolves attracted Applebloom's attention, but she turned and thought of a different item than the Everfree's apex predator and their howls of a few days earlier.

"I thought mules were mulish," Lyra whispered to Dinky, who giggled. Breakfast had been hours ago, but since it was a day off, the group had lazed about after yesterday's events. Until several of them decided that they were going to get up and moving before lunch.

Luna, again wearing her saddle, was nose to nose with the Big Guy, who was steadfastly refusing to climb onto her back. "You can hardly stand. You certainly can't walk," Luna growled, "Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"I don't think he wants to offend your royal dignity," Celestia said as she entered. The others could see a strangely quiescence Blueblood holding the tent flap open, displaying the morning sun nearly to its apex.

Luna pawed the tent floor at her sister's reminder. "I don't care about that."

"You don't?" Celestia sounded shocked, she rested a hoof on her chest. "Then why didn't you do this?" Celestia thrust her head between his legs and slipped him onto her back, catching him with her wings. She then galloped out of the tent with him hanging on for dear life.

"I think I finally understand what Discord sees in him," Rainbow Dash said, then she raced after the Diarch.

Derpy glanced over at Dinky. Mother and foal nodded. "Charge!" they shouted, Derpy scooped up Dinky and raced after Rainbow.

Applejack nodded. "I gotta get back ta the farm," she said, "Charge!" She ran after the departed.

"Well, it seems the fashion, Fluttershy. Charge!" Rarity said and ran after them.

Fluttershy sighed and flew after her friends.

"Sparkle, you'll catch more flies with that mouth if you run," Trixie said and dashed after the group.

Twilight closed her gaping jaw. "It's this town," Twilight said, "Everypony who comes here is crazy." She held up a hoof. "Charge!" She teleported to catch up with the runners, then galloped alongside them.

Blueblood looked at Luna and Lyra, who were staring open-mouthed at the spectacle. "Oh, ugh, well, charge," the unicorn let go of the tent flap and trotted after the gallopers.

Sveti poked her head in the tent, then looked at the receding cloud of dust. "I'm not gonna ask, and I thought Pinkie was crazy," the griffon took to the air, caught up and passed the pinkie blur racing after the crowd.

Lyra looked around and walked out of the tent.

"Aren't you going to go running after them?" Luna asked.

"I thought I'd be wild and crazy, and walk, Highness," Lyra said and walked after the group.

Luna removed the bridle, and cantered after her sister and the others.

One guardspony in particular had watched them closely, but one in a crowd hadn't alerted them.

Celestia couldn't remember the last time she'd galloped. I've flown, if I wanted to move fast, but galloping, she thought happily, If the Canterlot nobles saw, or when they hear, so much tsk-tsking. But it will be worth it. Her wings and mane secured her rider, as he leaned down and let her have her head.

Better to confront your fears, head on, she thought, He's still armed, my guards and allies are far behind. He has every opportunity to do whatever he wants. Yet, he just enjoys the ride.

She pushed herself harder. Flight was faster, but the pounding of hooves on a solid road, the wind on her face and through her mane and tail exhilarated her. Better that someone whom her ponies valued trusted himself to her. Rainbow Dash and several of the pegasi caught up, but just grinned at the childlike enjoyment of the moment.

They arrived at Sweet Apple Acres without incident. Celestia looked around nervously, as he slipped off her back and patted her side. She smiled at his friendly gesture. "I'll have to remember to thank the royal cobbler/smith for shoes that I can gallop in," she said to the pegasi who were arriving and taking up positions.

"Good run, your Highness," Rainbow Dash said, "You should compete in the Sisterhooves Social. You and Luna would win every event."

Celestia considered it. "I might just ask her to do that," she said.

"Oh my gosh!" Applebloom squealed as she came around the corner of the barn. She bowed instantly and insistently to the Princess, dropping the toothbrush she'd been carrying.

"Please, rise, Applebloom," Celestia urged, "What have you been doing this fine morning?"

"Well," the filly said, suddenly looking extremely guilty, "The golden apple trees had blossoms. And the zap apples were blooming. So I kinda thought," she explained.

The conclusion hit Celestia at the same time the blast wave did.

The End.

Discord laughed at the audience's outrage. "Gotcha! Oh you should see yourselves!"

Tom would have rolled his eyes. "Very droll. But we should wake him up," the sphere said, "After all, you might be blamed for the events."

"Killjoy," Discord said as he walked over to and steadfastly ignored the huge breaker painted red and labeled 'Do Not Touch Under ANY circumstances!' and flipped a much smaller unlabeled breaker beside it, counted to fifteen, and reversed the throw.

Tom looked around worriedly. "We weren't in the Krell lab before, were we?"

"Oh shut up and run!" Discord said as the door to the lab began glowing.

"Ya can't go in there," Applejack told Applebloom as she dragged her away from the front door of their home.

"But Granny Smith is still in there!" the filly squalled as she struggled in her sister's hooves.

"And we barely got Big Mac out," Applejack said, "We gotta have faith in Twilight and the Princesses." Applejack shot the aforementioned ponies a pleading look. Celestia returned one of regal confidence.

The stallion they'd managed to drag out of the front room lay under several blankets, shivering with cold and terror. The front room had been growing icicles when they dragged him out. While they were trying to help Big Mac, and console Applebloom, someone had stepped up to the door to peer inside.

"Stop him!" Luna shouted.

One guardspony raced to follow the Big Guy as he grabbed the edge of the doorframe and lowered himself sideways into the interior of the topsy-turvy house. Before anypony else could follow, there was the too-familiar grinding sound, and another room replaced the one facing and accessible to the front door.

"What do we do now?" Shining Armor asked as he looked to his sovereigns, and his soldiers looked at him.

"Check all the doors and windows," Celestia commanded, "Determine if you can see Granny Smith, the Big Guy or that guard in any of the rooms."

Several pegasi looked at the upper windows. Fluttershy let out a shriek and raced for the horizon.

"This may take some time," Twilight admitted to her Highness. She glanced over to the barn, that looked like parts of it had been turned inside out. Interior portions of walls and roof facing outward. She frowned at Prince Blueblood sitting in front of the wide-open door with a polo mallet in his teeth, tapping a polo ball into the barn, waiting a bit, then when it rolled out, tapping it back in.

"You could be helping," Twilight accused as she approached.

He tapped the ball back in, and turned to face her. "How, when the magical prodigy of the age and both Alicorn-sisters all ponder the problem together?" he cut off his remark to tap the ball back into the barn.

The interior was just as chaotic as the outside. Wait, some of the pieces that are inside-out outside, aren't wrong-side-in in here! Twilight thought. Then Twilight looked through the barn at the erratic course the ball was taking. It wasn't rolling across the floor, but at a set point it seemed to jump through the air, changing course at predetermined points, until it hit the ground a few feet from the door and slowly rolled forward. What really frightened Twilight was the barn was completely empty, all the tools, sacks of grain and even the hay were deposited outside. And at the far end of the barn was another Prince Blueblood with a polo mallet, knocking around another polo ball.

"Is that you?" Twilight asked and pointed.

"Well he is gorgeous and cultured, I supposed," Blueblood said, "And he has the courtesy to return the ball if it gets stuck over there. So he could be me."

Twilight stared and realized the other Blueblood's ball took an entirely different course through the barn, but still returned to its owner.

"Nopony go into the house," Twilight shouted to Armor and the storming team that were assembling before the door.

There was a familiar grinding sound from the house and barn.

"Oh bother, just when we got a good rhythm going," Blueblood complained, then hammered the ball towards the far wall. Less than half way there, it leapt into the air, slowing dramatically, until it reached a certain point where it accelerated sideways. It ended up at the opposite Blueblood, who hammered the ball in to separate directions. Twilight watched both balls careening through the air, and saw the pattern not how the balls moved, but where in the air they changed direction. "OH dear," she said quietly.

She galloped towards Applejack. "Excuse me," she apologized and grabbed Applejack's hat before galloping back to Blueblood. She put the hat on his head and watched through the barn door.

"What intarnation's gotten into you Twilight?" Applejack demanded and glared at Blueblood, who concentrated on his polo practice.

"This chapeau is revolting, return it to the farmpony immediately!" Blueblood sneered.

"Shut up and watch!" Twilight thundered and pointed at the other Blueblood.

The figure took a moment to snigger at his counterpart, before a pair of lavender forelegs reached down from above the door and dropped a similar hat on Blueblood's head.

"What in, how do, is that, and Granny?" Applejack's eyes crossed, she let out a squeal and she collapsed.

"Now can I give her back her hat?" Blueblood asked.

Twilight facehooved and nodded.

"Ridiculous," Blueblood said, returned to the game with the now-bareheaded opposite.

Twilight left Applejack there and walked back to the princesses. "We have a bigger problem. The space inside the buildings is not exactly the same as the space outside, and there may be more than one such space mixed up in there."

"Twilight, dear, for those of us without your unique vocabulary?" Rarity said as she trotted up.

Twilight sketched out a small cube inside a larger one in the dirt and connected the apexes. "That's a tesseract, it's a representation of a fourth-dimensional cube in a two-dimensional space."

A glowing three-dimensional representation appeared. Luna nodded. "It is also called a hypercube. Are you saying that the space inside the home and barn has been tesseracted?" Luna asked.

"Worse, I think all the smaller sections are actually other Sweet Apple Acres, and they're all there inside the house, but they're still inside their own houses too," Twilight said, then grinned nervously at the uncomprehending faces.

Luna glanced at Celestia. "That sounds like that doctor who you got rid of," Luna said.

"Yes," Celestia said sourly.

"I did that?" Applebloom asked worriedly, "What happens if we get the wrong Granny Smith? Do we know we got the right Big MacIntosh?"

"I'm sure we did, child," Celestia said and nuzzled the foal. "But you should have told a grown-up before mixing the pollen of the golden apples with that of Zap apples."

"Yes'm," Applebloom said despondently. She got a fierce expression. "I'll get Granny Smith out."

"No, you won't," Luna ordered, then glanced around, "I hate to admit it, but the two best candidates to navigate this mess are inside already. If Discord can't navigate that chaos, no one can."

Twilight groaned at that.

"So how do we undo this knot?" Rarity asked, "No offense to your Highness' skill, but something like this cannot be untied with only one hoof."

"How do we coordinate?" Armor asked as he approached.

Twilight looked over her shoulder, and groaned again. "We tie a note to a polo ball."

15) The Other Side of Broken Glass

15) The Other Side of Broken Glass

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - The Other Side of Broken Glass

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 26

I can't take you anywhere. A nice ride with a fancy mare and you have to muck it all up.

"Excuse me," Tom said, "I'd really like to know which of you said that, it's getting dreadfully confusing."

I did.

"You gentlemen do know my inbuilt 155 has a recoilless option, so I can fire in both directions at once?" Tom asked.

"It doesn't matter who said it," Discord said disgustedly, "We're in another fix! What is it with you monkeys and curiosity?"

Danger invites rescue, he replied, Ponies can't climb as well as humans.

"Pegasi can fly," Discord replied hotly.

That guardspony seemed to be having real problems stopping. Besides going through the far door, I don't know where she went, he replied, But considering the alarm that the Apples were going through, I bet Granny Smith is in here somewhere.

"How are you going to get her out?" Discord asked.

Open a window, he replied as he walked over to a window displaying the pony leadership obviously conferring. He raised the window and saw the blank wall behind it.

"You were saying?" Tom asked.

All right, I think I stepped in it this time, he admitted.

"Huzzah, a bit of truth shines on your utter INSANITY!" Discord raged at him.

Why Discord, I didn't know you cared, he replied, Let's locate the lady, then we can work out how to escape.

"Well, the good news is you have a plethora of senses that allow you to navigate this maze. I really am surprised," Discord admitted, "Follow your intuition. That seems to be how they're wired up. Inconvenient."

You can develop the improved design, he thought and picked one of the doors. Before he walked through the threshold, he stuck his arm through to feel the direction of gravity in the place. He oriented himself so he could drop to the ceiling easily. Glad that the pony-scale means the floor and ceiling were close enough to touch, in a human-scale building I'd be in trouble.

Sapphire Trinket raised her head from her collision with the wall of the Apple home. She stood and looked around, then collapsed to the ground. Too much time between meals, she thought, But if he's in this madhouse, I can deal with him and no one's the wiser. Soon mother, he will not be able to destroy you. I'll see to that. Even if I am a 'failure and a disappointment' I will not fail in this. I will not disappoint.

She stood much more slowly and felt the various tuggings from the wall around her that had disoriented her so the first time she stood. All right then, she thought with determination, I go.

She walked forward a few steps, and the entire house groaned. The familiar pressure on her hooves vanished as she raced for the far wall. Frantic wing beats only ensured she didn't land face-first. This isn't fair! she thought as she crashed into the bookcase. Followed by a cascade of its contents. Threw the book at me, she thought muzzily.

"I don't think this railing was meant as a ladder," Discord helpfully pointed out.

Shaddup! he thought just as helpfully in reply. He looked 'down' at the ceiling, and 'up' at all four walls, and wondered, If I let go, how many pieces will I wind up in?.

"Just trying to help," Discord said innocently, the ting of his halo sounding particularly pure.

How quickly can you start using that Alicorn Amulet? he asked.

"You want to go through the ritual here?" Discord asked incredulously.

I'm just hanging around, I might as well do something useful, he replied. Until the house changes again, I can't really reach any of the doors.

"All right, but don't try any of these actions until we're on more solid footing," Discord cautioned. "The danger of the amulet is that it will try to corrupt the wearer. By whispering little poisons into the wearer's brain. Fortunately for you, it will be whispering in Equestrian, so that's out. Second, there's the whole 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'."

With you and Celestia in the mix, that puts the 'absolute power' out of reach. I saw the particle beams she was raining on that thing. I doubt a tank would do well facing those.

"The other thing is fortitude and sacrifice, not something you'd find in someone wanting the cheap power-up of the amulet," Discord explained.

What, engage it in mental combat and give it some of the wearer's blood? he asked as the room seemed to rotate, and he could put his feet on the ceiling and stand stable.

Discord? Discord? Discord, are you okay?! he asked.

"He's, pouting. He hates being predictable," Tom explained, "I'll explain to him. Uh, by the way, that's exactly how it must be done. How'd you figure it out?"

Pretty strong symbolism, mastery of self, and blood offering, he mentally replied, It seems reasonable that it's also something under 'a god I am' would be able to manage. Go check up on him, if you would.

"Certainly, sir."

The odd quiet in his mind worried him. He looked around, certain he was being watched. Watched by something hostile. Okay, whoever you are, once I get the old lady out of here, you are going to get a painful surprise.

He scanned the surroundings, and moved to the door. He lowered himself through the door and landed carefully on the wall. Picking his way across from wall joist to wall joist as he advanced. "I was in this room before. But it was painted differently."

He touched the door opposite and yanked his hand back. The door was hot. "Okay, some of the building is on fire. That's going to make things interesting, and it definitely puts a time limit on being in here." The walked back, and couldn't open the other door.

With no other way out, he settled in the corner and pulled out the amulet. Mental combat, eh, so, let's do this, he thought and concentrated on the red eye of the amulet. In his head he heard the buzzing distraction, but he concentrated on the eye.

Blueblood tied the note to his polo ball with bad grace. But Rarity staring at him kept him from voicing his concern, or doing it poorly or slowly. Across the barn, a fat, bespectacled lavender unicorn was instructing her Blueblood in the same task.

"I get fat," Twilight said despondently.

"Uhm, Twilight, you aren't fat, you're pregnant," Fluttershy said.

"With his!?" Twilight nearly shrieked.

"Uh, maybe, not that you have to, but it kinda seems, yes," Fluttershy said quietly.

The soft tap of a polo mallet against the ball cut off Twilight's reply. From the opposite side, another polo ball took flight. The crazed path soon had the ball literally drop in front of them. Blueblood removed the two notes, and handed the one addressed to Twilight to the waiting mare, he looked over the other one.

Twilight gasped, choked, shuddered, and pronked clear around the barn squealing with pain, finally collapsing with a groan. When somepony reached for the note, Twilight slammed a hoof down on it and growled at her. Luna backed up sharply.

"Your Highness, I'm sorry!" Twilight amended.

"Everypony RUN!" Pinkie and Luna shouted in chorus and ran back to Celestia.

"I'll just take the note to their Highesses," Rarity said and gingerly took the other note. Across the barn, the other Twilight, Blueblood and a pink and green Alicorn were laughing uproariously. Twilight buried her face in the dust and groaned.

"It, ah, might not be so bad," Fluttershy said.

"I'll keep her away from sharp objects, your friends need you over there," Blueblood said, "What did you see in there?"

"A scary unicorn," Fluttershy said and flittered away.

"Ah, so Miss Rarity is trapped in there as well. Too bad, I kind of liked the fellow," Blueblood said and returned to the game.

"According to other Twilight, they mixed golden apple and zap apple pollens," Celestia said as she read, and grinned at the style of the note, "The academy will love getting this, it will set dimensional investigations ahead decades. Unfortunately, they don't have anyone who can safely brave the multidimensional void." She noted Armor getting ready just incase Celestia decided to try for it. "Fortunately, we do," she said, causing Armor to relax. "They also believe that it is not a mere dimensional cross rip, but one where each person involved had one significant difference in their lives. Twilight's was finding a special somepony at the Academy. She suspects that the other variations will depend on what other highly magical beings were in the vicinity when it erupted. She had the entire Examination of Contention (Twilight, Luna, Big McIntosh, Pinkamena, Sweetie Belle, Celeste, Fluttershy, Octavia and Reginald) and their ruler Queen Eris. Who names a pony Reginald?"

"Ah, your Highness, Reginald is my friend," Fluttershy said, "He's a bear."

"I guess they needed a good sergeant-at-arms," Shining said, "So that's ten, assuming the slight changes carry over."

"A thousand twenty-four places in there," Big McIntosh said as he looked at their home, "That's going to take some explorin'."

"And poor Granny Smith in the middle of it," Applejack said quietly.

"Your grandmother is tougher than you think," Celestia assured them, "And more resourceful. I'm more worried about the alternate Lunas and the alternate mes. Celeste was not a Princess, but what other Princess Celestias and Princess Lunas are there?"

"Queen Eris, you don't suppose . . . " Rainbow began, "That their Queen, is Discord?"

"Two thousand, forty-eight," Big McIntosh said, "More explorin'."

Pinkie bounced away from the group as they pondered the spells needed to untangle the mess.

Discord watched the mental battle between constructs, and smiled. "Ponies always try to go straight in, power against power, and most don't have the determination to win," Discord said proudly. "Oh this is fun!"

The battle resembled a lone lance fighting a squid with a buckler. The one of the two long tentacles deflected all attacks with the buckler, while the others swarmed the lance. It was clear the lance was getting tired.

"Hence the fortitude requirement, and saving some of your energy for the final battle while laying dozens of diversions," Tom agreed, and tossed the popcorn back to Discord. "He should be about done."

The long tentacle got a grip on the lance, one the lance couldn't dislodge. The buckler guided the tip out of the mass of tentacles that swarmed in and quickly broke the lance to pieces. The scream of the evil spirit Discord had bound within the amulet centuries ago echoed in the Big Guy's mind.

"Now you know why I negotiated," Discord shouted at the wailing spirit, "Moron."

That was certainly, interesting, he thought as he lay on the floor and felt the universe rotating around him.

"Yes," Discord commented, "You did it exactly right though, couldn't have done it better."

That was a trapped entity, he said.

"He, it, volunteered, to get revenge. Nistag was initially a grave disappointment, then when he got more control, less of one," Discord said.

He sat up, regretted it but struggled to remain upright. He looked at his finger where he'd pierced it with the Alicorn's horn and smeared the resulting blood drop in the amulet's eye. The eye was now a brilliant, scintillating blue. It's like a blue opal, he thought as he attached the amulet around his arm just below the shoulder, and pulled his shirt over it. That's what was bugging me, the markings on that spear. They were the same as the UV markings on that plant! Is that where Nistag got the idea? Because that plant, that was Nistag's work, wasn't it?

"After the amulet got a firmer grip on him, yes," Discord said, his enthusiastic tone seemed to encourage more answers. When the Big Guy didn't provide them, Discord threw out a clue, "Have you ever heard of Timberwolves?"

Yeah, big furry, have the same ancestors as dogs, why? he asked.

"On Equestria, they look like yours, but they are made of wood," Discord said gleefully. He watched in delight at finally being able to horrify his host.

A plant, sentient species, in a land full of herbivores, he whispered in his mind, Did they communicate, warn the ponies off?

"Of course they tried, what do you think Timberwolves and Poison Joak were? Happy accidents? No, the ponies didn't eat them. They didn't even know they were there. They simply dug up the 'weeds' and used them as they needed them. Great vines that linked individuals and interlinked entire communities, torn up to use as ropes. The great bodies sawn up to use as houses, or carved up inside as living spaces. Their great priest, I guess you'd call him, called on his gods for vengeance. There was only one god listening at that point."

You, and you didn't try to stop them, stop the ponies from attacking these plant people, why? he asked.

"Because the ponies weren't doing anything different from what they'd done to each other for centuries. The idea that these ponies are pleasant and gentle creatures is due to Celestia's influence. They were right, royal bastards when left on their own. Now don't get up on your high-horse with me, your own nightmares show you're afraid they'd do the same to you and yours, if they ever got the chance."

No, you're right. It's been the thing that's been bugging me since I got here. Aside from the communications problem. I've been wondering when the novelty would wear off, and they'd toss me in a cage. Or link results to rights, turn me into a Dhimmi, he sighed, I just never really wanted to admit it.

"They won't. A thousand years ago, they probably would have hacked you apart already as a spy from the other races, or to deny your intelligence to the other side(s). But not, here, with the ones you've fallen in with, it's unlikely."

Thanks, he thought, Let's find the nice old lady and get out of here. You haven't been commenting on how you like the architecture.

"There is such a thing as taking a good idea and running it into the ground," Discord said, "This runs it so far into the ground, it's in geosynchronous orbit on the other side."

He opened the door, and there was Celestia, calmly reading a scroll. "Your Highness?" he asked.

The scroll crashed to the ground. "HUMAN!" Celestia shrieked, in perfectly understandable and terrified English, "Humans cannot exist in Equestria! Humans must not exist in Equestria! Ponies are pure and good and noble!"

"Got it, leaving now." He slammed the door and ran towards another one. You suppose they come from an Equestria without this one's pre-Alicorn history? he asked, as a long white horn punched through the door.

"Less philosophy, more running!" Discord insisted. As the horn was rammed through the lock above the handle.

Night was falling, and despite glimpses of things, and odd sounds, the various observers hadn't seen anything through the windows that would have led them to Granny Smith. The polo ball messages continued. An attempt at face to face communication by the Rainbow Dash from the other side, had resulted in the complete destruction of an apple tree and very nearly the captain of the other side's Wonderbolts. Other side Rainbow Dash had been heavily concussed and taken to a hospital, before any message could be delivered. Other than don't do this yourself.

"Ah, polo balls are fine with me," Element Bearer Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she saw the far superior flyer being untangled from the remains of the tree, and carted off. "Doesn't hurt my pride, no sir," she said as she cringed at the other pegasus' injuries.

"The wingspan is too great," Blueblood said, "She was operating in multiple zones simultaneously." The stallion looked at the stunned ponies. "It's what Sparkle said," he added. The others relaxed.

"So we need to basically increase tension on both fundamentals of the dimensional thread," Twilight said.

"Yank hard on the rope," Lyra translated and smiled at Twilight.

"Easy enough, how and where?" Applejack said.

"As soon as possible," Twilight said. "The Elements of Harmony should be here shortly," Twilight explained, "Then all we have to, where's Pinkie?" She looked around.

"Up there." Derpy pointed to the pink mare standing on one of the gables with a coil of rope in her mouth. She looked over the edge into the room, and raised her head. Whatever she shouted was garbled by the rope. But the window shattering from the inside told the story.

" 'Bout time, young'un," Discord translated for the wizened mare as she sat in her rocker.

"I wish I could tell you that the cavalry's arrived," he replied as he looked at the disheveled room, and the gabled window above showing sky. "But I think I'd rather show than tell." He climbed a bookcase and pulled himself up to the window. He opened it, and revealed the wooden wall behind it. "I'm getting sick of this." He closed the window, still displaying sky, and pulled the knife from its sheath as he hung there.

Granny Smith shouted a warning. Discord translated, "Hurry young fellow the change is coming."

He broke out the window and saw the sky. And a large, pink cloud with a rope in its mouth. Pinkie began her commentary, which became no more coherent when she dropped the rope around his head and onto his shoulders.

While holding onto the sill with one arm, he handed the end of the rope back to Pinkie. She took it in her mouth and stood firm. He dropped the rest of the rope down, only to watch it make a complicated series of dog legs in midair. "Oh that's not going to work." He returned the knife to its sheath and shinnied down the rope. Then dragged the end over to Granny Smith. The old mare had collected a few towels and tablecloths, and tied then as a crash web to keep her in her chair. She nodded and gestured up at the window. He tied off the rope to the chair, and Pinkie hauled. He guided the chair through its gyrations to reach the window. There, eager hooves pulled the elderly mare out of the chair.

Then the grinding sounded and he was thrown against the wall as the room reoriented. The door he'd landed on gave way a moment later.

"NO!" Twilight was yanked away from the window as something severed the rope and the chair vanished from sight. When she rushed back, the room changed had completely. The rest of the furnishings had vanished with the chair, to be completely replaced, and the window was again intact.

"We have to do something!" Twilight told the others as Rainbow lowered her to the ground.

"Go in there?" Dash asked incredulously, "The air in there is doin' loop-de-loops!" She returned to pick up Rarity. Fluttershy was landing with Applejack.

"Consarn it!" Granny shouted angrily, "Jist like a stallion, why didn't he jist hang onto the chair?" The matriarch grumped, before being surrounded by her grateful family.

"Granny," Applebloom said, "I'm sorry, this is all my fault."

"Ya don't learn nothin' without mistakes child. But this one was a doozy," the old mare said and winked at her grandchild.

"That's how I knew he'd be there, and was it ever a doozy of a doozy!" Pinkie said as she danced happily as she landed.

"He's still stuck in there!" Twilight reminded them.

"Well, I'm sure he saw that scary unicorn, and he's going to, you know," Fluttershy said and bowed her head.

" 'Scary unicorn'?" Armor asked as he approached the group.

"Yeah, dark, with glowing eyes and canine teeth," Fluttershy said, "Even a Timberwolf isn't that scary."

Armor looked at Twilight, then the group shrugged. Celestia exchange worried looks with Luna.

Sapphire Trinket looked through the slots in the cupboard under the kitchen sink at the unicorn who crooned menacingly. I think it's better I don't understand what he's saying, she thought as he walked through slowly, as if feasting on and savoring the favor of terror of a pony he couldn't see.

He wasn't searching, just letting anyone in hiding know he knew they were generally in this room, and implying he could get them whenever he wanted. The menace radiating off the unicorn was palpable. The desperate fear Sapphire Trinket felt made her gnawing hunger worse.

I need to get food, and I need to get out of here, and I can't do either hiding under here, she thought as she watched and listened.

The hoof steps had receded, but she knew the old hunting trick. She waited, listening, watching, even smelling to detect his approach. The cupboard wrenching open and the hand closing over her muzzle almost made her scream. The hand was to prevent that very thing. He gestured for her to be quiet, and carefully removed his hand. When she didn't scream, he relaxed.

It isn't fair. A room full of sharp weapons, and I can't just kill him, or I'll attract that thing. I should just do it, and hang the consequences. A dutiful daughter would. A daughter who wasn't a disappointment and a failure would, she thought miserably and started quietly crying.

He'd paused and come back for her when he realized she wasn't following. He reached into his pack and pulled out a brightly wrapped tube. He opened it revealing a pastry filled with a fruit paste. He ate a small piece to prove it was safe, then offered the rest to her. She took it and chewed thoughtfully. He held her shivering form and offered what she guessed were encouragements.

It's not fair, she thought as she leaned into his hug, I know he'll destroy my mother, the prophet said so. So why does he feed me? Why can't I just hate him, and be done with him and my life?

He broke the hug and extended a finger from his head and made a crazy face.

She nodded. Yes, I've seen the crazy unicorn, she thought as she nodded.

He gestured for her to follow. They stepped into a large room with a stair leading up. Several doors led into the room, but he headed straight for the side of the stairway and lifted a piece of paneling out of the way. He gestured for her to climb in as he positioned himself to pull the paneling back to cover their hiding place. The fit was tight with the panel closed. He stroked her mane to offer comfort.

A place to rest, after a long day, she thought, Is he really foolish enough to think a piece of wood will distract that maniac? She grew bold, and gestured for him to close his eyes. To her amazement, he nodded and settled into the corner and tried to get comfortable. Wait for it, she thought as he stopped moving and his breathing slowed. She approached. Just crush his throat, one blow, no noise and it'll be over, she thought as she raised a hoof.

His eyes snapped open, and took the entire scene in. She froze, giving a weak grin. He replied with a sardonic one.

Scat! He knows! she thought, certain of only that, and what he'd do to her would be horrible.

He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her mane and back, murmuring soothingly. She laid her head on his shoulder and wept at the unfairness and perversity of the universe.

"Sparkle," Trixie said, as Rainbow retrieved her out of the tree, "Why don't we cut to the chase and just burn the place to the ground?"

Rainbow held Trixie over a water trough and dropped her.

"It should have worked," Twilight said as a canary-colored rhinoceros with a pink horn gently dug through the compost heap to pull Twilight out of the hole she was buried in.

"It didn't," Trixie said, and wrinkled her nose. "You'd better dump her in here next. She smells like she needs it." Trixie clambered out of the water trough and sighed.

"Uh, can one of you change me back?" the rhinoceros asked, "Being a rhinoceros is okay. If you don't want to, I understand, but I'd really like to be back."

"Yeah, sure, Fluttershy, no problem," Twilight said. Her horn glowed briefly, and then she collapsed. "Look at all the spinney stars."

"I think she's too pooped to pop," Trixie said, and bowed her head, "And Trixie is also exhausted."

"Oh, okay," the rhinoceros said, and daintily walked toward their Highesses, one was covered in cake, and the other had dozens of forks and spoons magnetized to her body.

"So, it's not an anthaumic junction of possibility fields," Twilight said as she rolled over on her back, "So each identity point has its own tensor to add to the vector sum. Plus hysterisis and drift, wonderful," Twilight moaned.

Rainbow had maneuvered a cloud over the reeking Twilight, and jumped up and down on it. The rain washed away the compost and the smell, but also removed the last of Twilight's enthusiasm for the project.

"So there's only ten million, eight-hundred and thirty-seven thousand, six-hundred and three ways this can go catastrophically wrong," Twilight explained as Rainbow did her tornado dry on Twilight.

When Trixie indicated her own soaking wet condition, Rainbow just raised an eyebrow.

"Was this one of them?" Trixie asked.

"No, this wasn't even close," Twilight admitted. "The catastrophic ones are catastrophic."

Blueblood trotted over. "Latest polo-mail," he said and chuckled. "Ahem, 'Enough fascinating explosions and humorous injuries for one night. We're going to sleep, recommend you do the same. Signed, Queen Eris.' I shall forward the message to their Highesses and remind you that without their assistance our efforts cannot continue."

Twilight laid her head down. "We were so close!"

"Unless there was a major magical entity inside," Blueblood said and walked away.

"It would take someone very powerful to throw my calculations off," Twilight assured her friends.

"Like Celestia and Luna goin' in themselves to rescue their folks?" Applejack asked sardonically.

Twilight stared at her in horror.

"He's asleep," Tom said quietly. "This room is shielded, why are we whispering?"

"Ambiance," Discord said, and nodded to another Discord done up in rainbow colors.

"Love what you've done with the place," Rainbow Discord said as he looked around.

"I'm crashing with a friend while he teaches me stuff," Discord told Rainbow Discord angrily, "And, Rainbow Discoed, for someone who looks like he got graffitied by sugar-addled kindergarteners -"

"Gentlemen!" Tom interjected, "Before we devolve into 'yo mama' jokes, let us return to the matter at hand? Shall we?" The grudging silence let him continue, "You messed up, and are afraid of punishment when you return. We can ameliorate the punishment, or at least make it seem less. We will require payment for this service."

"In what? You can do anything," Rainbow Discord sneered.

"I can't make Celestia, or in you case, Celeste, like me. Or even tolerate me," Discord replied stonily, "Sound familiar?"

"Spirit of disharmony and chaos remember?" Rainbow Discord said rather bitterly.

"Let me show you our price, and you just might understand," Discord said and handed him a dossier.

Rainbow Discord flipped through it. "You must have this already."

"Read the bit in purple again. Now, yes we sort of have one. What about two? Certainly in all this vast chaos, there's one around nopony would miss."

"A couple. He wouldn't want them though. But," Rainbow Discord said thoughtfully, "One was piercing the veils seeking help."

"Found it?" Tom asked.

"No, where do you find anypony who could - " Rainbow Discord stopped and looked around. "Him?!"

"Him," Discord said triumphantly. "The white knight races in, slays the evil, and rides off, no, gets followed to a new land and a new start. He's steeped in the American ideal of reinventing yourself. It would appeal to all his instincts. He wouldn't even consider saying 'no.'"

Rainbow Discord literally dissolved in laughter. The rainbow-colored cloud hovered over them, raining chocolate and strawberry milk and guffawing hysterically for several minutes. Discord and Tom exchanged knowing glances and multiple toasts, some with real toast, until Rainbow Discord pulled himself together.

"Okay, that is funny. All right, I'll meet your price, even throw in the extra deluxe for free. Because that would get us in even better. I can just imagine the look on your Celestia's face and my Celeste's when we tell her the news. But, he's got that crazy Celestia chasing him."

"He can dump a megadose of purple conversion goo on her," Tom said, "Good plausible deniability for us."

"She'll shake it off," Rainbow Discord said.

"Eventually?" Discord asked innocently.

"Yes, eventually," Rainbow Discord said, grinned widely and extended a paw.

Discord turned it and revealed the joy buzzer. He shook his head, showed his paw empty and extended it. Rainbow Discord took it, and it came off at the elbow. "Get yourself more involved in the joke, then people don't resent it as much," Discord explained as he chuckled.

"Now, as our bonus, two lessons," Tom began, "Life-affirming chaos, and positive sum games."

The steady clip clop of hooves brought him to full wakefulness, erasing all the efforts Sapphire Trinket had made to collect her courage to do her duty. I guess the legends are true, accept food in a strange place, and you can never raise your hoof against the benefactor, she thought, but she could sense his fear.

She listened, but the pace, and sound of the tread were totally different than what she remembered. She pointed to the room beyond the wall. He fearfully shook his head.

She pointed insistently. He grimly nodded and he carefully lifted the panel aside, letting her out and letting her see.

"Princess Celestia!" she said excitedly, "Are you here to lead us out?" She paused at the Solar Diarch's confused expression. "Highness, what is wrong?"

The alicorn nuzzled Sapphire and spoke, utter gibberish that sounded like no Equestrian she'd ever heard. The alicorn spoke politely, as a mother to a worried child, and levitated a dozen good-sized jars of what looked like grape jelly with a trace of white paint mixed in it. The alicorn was clearly trying to ask her a question, and was looking around for something.

Or someone, she realized, There are two crazy unicorns in this place, this is who he was running from. She smiled and looked into the Diarch's eyes and saw the madness there. This isn't Celestia, she thought and dashed away from her towards a door. The smiling Diarch walked after her, the swarm of jars following, save for the one sailing for the door Sapphire had just wrenched open. It nearly exploded on the floor of the other room. Sapphire slammed the door and searched desperately for another exit.

Thunderclaps and the explosion of the jars nearest Celestia shocked both of them. The thick purplish matter fell on the Diarch's coat, staining it like splashes of blood. As the other jars dropped to the floor, Celestia began spinning in place, screaming in agony and fury.

The Big Guy broke from cover and raced for a door on the opposite wall, shouting and motioning for Sapphire to follow.

With Celestia on the floor seemingly going through convulsions, he had little encouraging to do. She ran after him. They got the door closed as the house groaned again. Opening the door yielded the exact same room, sans the damage from a madly thrashing alicorn. They proceeded back through the room and exited through the door she'd originally intended to exit through.

She got in front of him and stopped him. "What was that?" she demanded and gestured back the way they'd come.

He made the unicorn horn and the crazy face. She shook her head. "That wasn't my crazy unicorn," she said firmly.

He held up two fingers. She nodded. "There are two of them," she agreed.

For the first time in her life, she saw somepony else feeling as despondent as she always felt. "Great, the first person I can empathize with is the one . . . crap, the world isn't fair," she said.

He must have understood her tone, because he shrugged and nodded.

Okay, what the fricken' hell was that? he mentally shouted at the two cowering aspects of the spirit of Chaos, And when the hell did Celestia learn standard English?

"Other dimension," Tom offered, "After all that, ahem, material was beyond the capability of Equestria."

Some kind of polymorph potion you said. You know I was going to try to study potions with Zecora, but everyone except her who studies potions goes completely mental. Does J. K. Rowling know about this?

"Possibly," Tom said reasonably, "But the lady was afflicted by a different 'mad god with a horn'. It might be wiser to concentrate on that."

The soft answer turned away wrath. All right, but what is going on in here? This can't be from mixing pollens, there can't be that much raw magic in apples, despite what the owners of this house might believe.

"It appears we are caught in a transdimensional war. I suspect that we encountered one of the combatants." Tom said, then quietly added, "At least I hope so."

You 'hope so', That was Celestia. And she was carrying anti-Celestia weapons. What the heck would she need that kind of firepower against? You? Luna? Superman? Mickey Mouse? Leroy Jenkins? And if she's not one of the first-line fighters, what is?

"I don't know," Tom admitted, "Perhaps we should accelerate our efforts to escape."

He sighed and looked over at the nervous guardspony who kept looking horribly guilty. Poor kid thinks because she's got the uniform she's supposed to be guarding me.

"She is trained," Tom said, "And that should count for something."

A trained mouse against an experienced cat is still lunch, he replied and glanced around his mind, Where's Discord?

"With the activation of the amulet, he has some powers, if he could, he'd have a half-dozen little SR-71s out looking around," Tom said, "I think he was even more alarmed by this than you are, especially that perversion of Celestia and what she was saying. The local Celestia is frightened of you and what you represent, but genocidal? Even if all that would be needed to accomplish that in her Equestria is a quick horn thrust, she hasn't reached that point."

Okay, intuition, he looked at the three doors that left the room. Since the building had groaned since they'd entered, the three doors would all lead to a different place. He'd managed to advance relatively safely and successfully. But this time, he couldn't decide. Okay, when the money is split between the favorites, go with the long shot, he thought as took the third door.

Discord stared at the ever-changing diagrams in his makeshift war room. He looked at the targets he could sense due to the Alicorn Amulet letting him project some of his power outside his host, and the occasional 'ping' from his ally. He sat in his chair and barely noticed Tom entering. "Time for a little of this 'life-affirming chaos'," he said as he pointed at the targets. "And he's headed that way. Is he up to what he'll run into?"

"Should we warn them?" Tom asked, "We can make ourselves understood."

"Yes," Discord said quietly, "I suspect he trusts you more than me, and that guard doesn't know you."

"What's the matter?" Tom asked the abnormally pensive Discord.

Then Discord gestured at the screen. "Is it that easy? Is it so obvious? I could have been doing this all along," he was shouting, but tears crept down his cheeks.

"It is unlikely you would have accepted such advice from the ponies. The Alicorn sisters reacted with horror and didn't understand your nature, and I don't think you respected them until they knocked you down," Tom said carefully, "You have never been afraid of anything, but the Elements and his memories, and his ideas come close. He knocked you down and then extended his hand. You needed to learn to accept help, and that all-powerful doesn't mean you can think of things you'd never had an inkling of."

"Thank you," Discord said and took a deep breath. Then he giggled like a delighted child. "This is going to be so good!"

"Oh, yes. It may even shock him," Tom offered.

"You think!?" Discord asked eagerly, "You aren't just teasing me? Are you?"

"I would not tease you about this," Tom said, "Until it succeeds, then I shall tease you mercilessly."

"Fine!" Discord angrily shouted, collected the screens under his arm and marched out.

The gray sphere that appeared before them had Sapphire stop and retreat a step. She glanced at her should-be victim. He seemed to be staring intently at the sphere as if it were only vaguely unexpected, not a complete surprise.

It made no noise, but she heard what it had said. "We've detected your two remaining 'mad-unicorns'," the sphere made her hear. "But there will also be a rescue operation that will need undertaking. Once you see the situation, you will understand."

"What is he hearing?" she asked carefully.

"Exactly what you are, but we aren't translating what you're saying, until you get to planning," the sphere made her hear. "We are also informing him of the identity of your 'mad-unicorn', someone he's already killed once, in our dimension."

"Our dimension?" she said, "What are you talking about?"

"This place is currently between the normal walls of possibilities. It's easiest to imagine timelines as things that walk on their own, separate from others of their own kind. This is a town meeting."

"So," Sapphire said as her mind grabbed the one fact that made perfect sense, "He killed it once. So he can kill it again?"

"I have no doubt," she heard the sphere say, "Take a look at him."

She did and shivered, his terrifying countenance softened as he looked at her. He smiled and she knew the warmth of his feelings. She smiled back and nodded.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked hopelessly, "I just want to run away and hide."

"I suspect his plan will be remarkably simple, and will protect you from most of the danger," she heard the sphere say.

"You think I'm a coward," she replied.

"I think the rest of us are insane, or beyond sanity," the sphere appeared to say, "Do not be ashamed you value your life, and perhaps the life of your family. They are treasures. Do not throw them away, when other courses of action are available."

She stared in horror at the sphere.

Does he know? she wondered, Have I been that obvious? She forced herself to relax, and accept that they weren't going to eliminate her out of hand. I am a failure, she though and put on a brave face.

She looked from the sphere, to him, and back. "What am I to do?" She did not like the way her would-be victim smiled.

"He says that all you have to do is scream in terror," the sphere provided.

She laughed mirthlessly. "I think I can give a very convincing performance," she admitted and looked worriedly from one to the other. They bore her no ill-will, but she had and awful feeling that it was not going to be easy, or pleasant.

"Ah, my little slave," the creature said. It looked like a cross between a unicorn stallion, and a Terrestrial timberwolf. That had been given a suit of armor, and had subsequently been thrown through a jet engine running at full song. The armor was badly damaged and the flesh underneath had also seen better days. The creature limped forwards towards the squealing, fishtailing guardspony, who was so distraught and so helpless she drew the monster's full attention. So he never checked the weird sculpture atop the bookcase. The 'weird sculpture' just smiled as the monster drove the guardspony into a corner.

"You can't shoot every problem you come across you know," Discord said in the confines of his head.

Yes, I'll eventually run out of ammunition, he replied, Did you know the original requirement for a forty-five was that it could founder a horse?

Three rounds did precisely that. The first hit some shield, so it was the size of an Eisenhower-dollar when it hit the unicorn. The others passed through without interference until they hit the body. The Big Guy jumped down and retrieved the axe from where he'd placed it, and jogged over to finish the job the old-fashioned way.

Sapphire Trinket felt the complete idiot as she sobbed in his lap. He stroked her mane, and he said something obviously meant to be soothing and supportive. She felt better as he did it. So much better that she was almost ready to stop weeping. I am supposed to be hating him, for what he'll do. Not crawling into his lap and crying my eyes out, she thought, the thought plunging her into despair again, I'm sorry mother. I've failed you. Failed my family. Failed the people who raised me. Failed everyone who matters. Her despair fueled the lengthy crying jag as she felt her guts twist with the knowledge of the depths of her betrayal, and that she couldn't get out of it. Nor could she correct it.

He felt bad for the poor kid. That other dimensional Sombra must have been more than she could take. Every time I thought she'd buck up, she go off again, he thought despondently. He'd left her behind to her tears, and advanced to where Sombra had entered from. He had the pistol in one hand, and a far more grisly missile in the other. He bashed the door open with Sombra's severed head and tossed it inside. He retrieved his camera from his pack.

"I don't know if you can understand me, but that should show you what I'll do. Now since we've never met, you have a variety of choices," he told the ones inside, "You can be friendly. You can be neutral. Or you can be dead."

"Friendly," came a tired voice that sounded hauntingly familiar, "I always start with friendly."

He held the camera around the doorframe and scanned the image. In the large kitchen, there were four ponies in all. Two crouched in the corner, pinned there by the presence of Sombra's head pointed at them. The one tied up on the counter looked like Nightmare, hogtied, and gagged, with her four hooves sticking straight into the air.

That couldn't have been easy, he thought.

The last was the most curious. Chained to the floor was a pony who looked like a cross between Celestia and Luna. The huge fields of bruises across her body giving her a splotchy coloring more like the Moon Princess. He wedged the door open, and entered. He looked around for the source of the voice. Outside the kitchen windows looked like a rather unimaginative Hell. Anything that wasn't on fire was charcoal black. There were no forests or buildings of Ponyville, the mountain where Canterlot rested was half it's height and looked melted. The sky was black and starless. He could feel the heat coming in through the glass.

Time to get out of here and close the door on this place. This is the war you were talking about, right? he thought.

"Correctamundo," Discord answered.

I think they lost, he commented.

"Can't believe in a talking horse?" the bruised all over Celestia asked, tried to laugh and just ended up coughing.

"No, I've been dealing with talking horses for almost a month. English-talking horses, are rarer, non-crazy ones are a unique experience," he replied as he knelt beside her, "You aren't going to declare me 'icky' and insist I become a pony now are you? I've already had that experience."

"No," Celestia said quietly, "It's over. Nightmare Moon and Sombra won. I failed my ponies. And my last hope."

"Sent out a call for help, and the help arrived too late, sorry about that," he said, "You've still got two. And a doorway to a world full of other ponies."

"They aren't the ones I failed," she said quietly.

"You've still got two. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, get up on your legs, and start thinking about what you have."

"Two ponies, and a mad sister," she said, and began crying, "I failed them, I failed them all."

"They have the Elements of Harmony out there, back where I want to go. You can get your sister back. All you have to do is ask. Those two are going to need you. A new world, with no one speaking their language, they are going to need something to hold on to."

"I failed them," she sighed.

He stood up and looked over the bound Nightmare Moon. What do you think? he asked his 'boarders'.

"The real problem is there's not enough life force for them," Tom replied, "That's also why they are so quiescent and depressed. They burned their hope and rage in an effort to get someone here to solve their little problem, Sombra. You did, too late for their world."

I think somepony else was mucking with the dimensions at around the same time. Too many cooks and all that, he thought as he looked at the barely breathing Nightmare, What if we lowered the overhead costs? he asked.

"What do you mean?" Discord asked.

If I understand what Dinky tried to explain, when the Elements were used on Nightmare Moon, Luna became a filly not much older than Applebloom. She grew into a teen-aged form over a year. That might be what we do here.

"Even with the Alicorn Amulet, I don't have that kind of power, and there's no quick way to educate this world's Discord to the ideas of 'life-affirming chaos'. He'd be worse than useless," Discord admitted.

How do you . . . ? Never mind, I was thinking about parasitizing those chains, even good metal couldn't hold her down, so there has to be hellacious magic in them, he replied.

There was the sound of pounding. A fish against leather, a belt against sheet metal, a fist against a car horn, a rabid fangirl against the latest idol, and lastly, a thick skull against a metal Pole.

"Tadeusz Komorowski has a special place in your gallery of heroes?" Tom asked, "I'll have that dent polished out of the bronze immediately."

Thank you.

"Of course there's enough magic in those chains to do the job, only a complete idiot wouldn't see that instantly!" Discord angrily thundered.

Or someone concerned about the injury of a friend, he said soothingly, he could practically hear Tom nodding.

"What!?" Discord shouted angrily, "You aren't one of those idiots who think we shared wild, passionate nights eating ice cream! Arguing philosophy! Testing each other's might and magic! Talking about our childhoods. It didn't happen, really. It's just something loose-mouthed people say. Just a dream that can never happen."

Life-affirming chaos, remember? If you can and are able to do anything, then you can do anything. That's what being random really is, he reminded the despondent Discord.

"She'll think it's a trick," Discord said miserably.

Of course she will. The Seventy-Sixth Rule of Acquisition, he explained, 'Every once in a while, declare peace . . . it confuses the Hell out of your enemies.' Don't let what someone thinks get in the way of all the chaos it will cause.

"You are evil," Tom accused, "Corrupting a poor innocent draconequus like that. For shame!"

Now watch this, he told his boarders.

"I am pretty sure I can rescue your sister, but I'll need your help," he told Celestia.

"How?" the alicorn asked wearily.

"As I said, I have access to the Elements of Harmony. And I have this." He pulled up his sleeve.

"The Alicorn Amulet?" Celestia said, finally showing some life. She shied away from the man. "That corrupts the user, makes them evil."

"Well, it tries. But it whispers poison in my ear, in Equestrian, which I cannot puzzle out for the life of me. And as for power corrupting, I've seen the first power of the realm, even felt the Elements' power when I fought Tirek, Nightmare Moon and held Discord."

"Discord!" Celestia whispered fearfully, "You've had dealings with that monster?"

"Trying to reform him actually. Taught him something very important, about life-affirming chaos. I need to get a button that says 'Ask me about Life-Affirming Chaos' and then get stuck not being able to speak their language. That would work out perfectly."

"I've never heard of it," Celestia admitted.

"That, your Highness, is why you never taught it to him. He's the avid student, once he realized he could be himself, and still be liked by others. Something else no one ever taught him, the positive sum game, where everybody wins."

"What do I have to do? Yes, I would save my sister if I could. But, I've failed her so often."

"Trust me," he said and extended a hand close to her foreleg.

She put her hoof in his hand. "I trust you. Please save her, and the others."

"Only if I get to save you too. It's an all-or-nothing sort of deal."

Celestia smiled. "A burden, but I shall bear it well."

"All right, let's make some magic!" Discord shouted inside his head.

You're sweeping up the bunny droppings, he replied.

Sapphire had crept up to the door and stared inside. The sight of Celestia, and the odd Luna, had sent her scampering back to the corner. She huddled in the corner and whimpered. Why is this happening to me? A simple job, and I'm swept up in all of this. I just want to go home. There I was only accused of being a failure. Here I prove it at every turn. I could race in there. The princesses are chained down, close the door and they're in another universe, along with the body. But I look at them, and I can feel their hope burning in them. The prophet said, but watching him, I can't believe it, yes I can. But I don't want to. Why can't I do what I have to and be done? I don't even have to survive. But, I don't want to.

She crept back towards the doors after the flashes of light stopped. She was immediately tackled by a small, white alicorn.

SMALL! she thought as the filly playfully wrested her to the ground, and began tickling her mercilessly. She kept repeating the same words in a commanding tone, but Sapphire couldn't understand a word she said. So she laughed so hard she couldn't stand and could barely breathe.

Then it ended and she was left panting on the floor. The filly proudly announced her victory to the Big Guy as he pulled a child's wagon behind him, inside rode a filly who looked like a small, evil version of Princess Luna. The other filly was still tied at the ankles and around the wings, her legs still sticking straight up in the air as she rode in the wagon on her back. She was ungagged and sputtering invectives. Her hatred was palpable. Sapphire retreated to the corner again in fear.

"You shall pay for this indignity, you shall all suffer a thousand times this torment!" Nightmare Woona shouted, "And you, my 'dear' sister, shall suffer for this latest indignity!" the filly Nightmare squeaked at everyone as she struggled helplessly against the bonds that still held her. "Release me at once!"

"Or you'll yell at us?" Celestia said, "Those chains drain your powers as thoroughly as they drained mine."

"You will suffer for this," Nightmare Woona announced.

"She's just so cute when she's like this," he said and stepped back to tower over her, "But such a mouth. She must be punished."

"I am evil in this world!" she haughtily squeaked, "Damned voice."

"You know not evil, or torment," he said darkly, "I will strip you of dignity and set you begging for mercy. You will know no respite until I chose to grant it." He laughed malevolently. "And it shall begin, now."

Nightmare Woona realized too late just what was sticking straight up at chest height. "No!" she screamed as his fingers touched her hoofs and the skin beyond. "I shall, hehe, kill you if you, ahah, touch me! I shall, ahaha, fry your heheha in the fires of Hell. All of hahaheheee shall know your suffering. Heehoohahaha. I shall heehaheehohee your flesh and make it a ahahahahahahahahaha!" The threats ended and Nightmare laughed uncontrollably.

Celestia ran up on the other side and began giving Nightmare Woona little cat licks behind her knees, and giggling. The wailing, thrashing Nightmare sputtered, but couldn't manage a coherent word. The two shell-shocked survivors also walked in. Then stared at the scene, and decided to sit down beside the guardspony huddled in the corner.

"Lightweights," he commented as Nightmare Woona wailed and twisted to protect what she could, but the hooves were easy, and Celestia knew her other ticklish spots.

"Please stop I'll wet myself!" Nightmare suddenly shouted.

They withdrew from the panting alicorn filly.

"I didn't even have to ask her for the magic word," he said.

"I will kill you for this," Nightmare Woona promised, "Slowly, painfully, over eons."

"And I'll die knowing if I could just get to those little hoovsies," he replied then he looked up at the sound of the door opening, and things stopped being funny.

"Torturing my little ponies?" the fully adult, white alicorn asked, but she moved with jerky motions, like a damaged mechanism. "You thought my potion, my gift would finish me. But it is my treasure, my plaything, it is mimimine."

Little Celestia grabbed the tongue of the wagon and dragged it to the corner with the others, then raced back.

"Corrupting my lilililittle poooonies?" the odd alicorn asked as she walked towards the pair. While the steps were elegant, regal even, her head twitched as if she were plagued by flies. "You must be punished for that, surely."

"Don't call him Shirley," little Celestia said. "I can take her," she assured him.

"I don't think she's ticklish. Besides. I think she's the final link," he said, then dashed back into the kitchen, kicking the prop for the door away as he passed through.

The tall alicorn seemed to try to look at every corner and wall while her hooves moved up and down as if she were cantering in place. "You will be free of his evil. You will return to the place where no one is cruel, and all love their goddess."

"I was never a goddess," little Celestia growled at this abomination.

The taller alicorn chuckled as she walked towards the kitchen. Then charged in at a gallop. "What have you done to my Equestria?!" the mad thing thundered on seeing the hellscape outside the windows.

He stepped out from behind the door and dashed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. A two-foot section of horn crashed through the door a moment later. That thing looks like a sword with spiral blood grooves, he thought of the thing that had come within a few inches from his head and now sawed around trying to touch him. Then it glowed, and the door took on a similar glow. But the building groaned.

From behind the door came a horrified shriek, and the horn dropped to the floor. The only sound was that last remnant rolling around, as if seeking its target or its master. Little Celestia put a hoof down on it as he stared and shuffled to avoid it.

She looked up at him. "It's over," she said quietly, "I think we wait for a bit, and the power will dissipate. Then we can go home, your home."

He nodded and let her lead him to a couch where he laid down. She laid her head on his stomach and rested. "Thank you, for everything," she sighed.

"You're welcome," he said quietly and scratched her behind the ears.

Her ears went flat. "Oh you are a devil," she sighed as she closed her eyes.

Day 27

"Rise and shine, it's Nightmare torturing time," he said happily as he shook the filly of evil awake.

"And I was so enjoying a sleep, I dreampt about you, and a vat of boiling oil," Nightmare Woona told him.

"I'm Fondue of you too," he said.

"Puns, wouldn't hot irons in the eyes be more merciful?" she asked, struggled against her bonds, which held firm.

"No, I have an extra-special, horrifically terrible and squirm-inducing and inciting torture just for you!" he said happily, his hands clasped in front of his chest and a happy smile on his face.

"That expression really doesn't sell it," Nightmare Woona said tiredly, struggled with the bonds around her ankles and wings, and gave up. "NO, I'm not going to ask what it is."

"Okay," he said happily.
"Midnight not a sound from the pavement, has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone."
"In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet and the wind begins to moan."

"Oh gods below, opera," Nightmare Woona moaned.
"Memory all alone in the moonlight, I can smile at the old days life was beautiful then. I remember the time I knew what happiness was let the memory live again."
"Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning. Someone mutters at the street lamp gutters. And soon it will be morning."

The others drew near as Nightmare Woona squirmed.
"Daylight I must wait for the sunrise, I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in. When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too and a new day will begin."
"Burnt out ends of smoky days. The stale cold smell of morning. A street lamp dies, another night is over. Another day is dawning"
"Touch me it's so easy to leave me, all alone with my memory of my days in the sun. If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is. Look a new day has begun."

Little Celestia nuzzled him. "I think I know," she said quietly. As she leaned against him.

"Oh, this is the torture. All that love and trust," Nightmare Woona said, "As if it will drive away the harshness of the world."

"Hmm. Another song?" he asked.

"Yes!" Little Celestia shouted happily. Even the two quiet Earth ponies seemed to be more willing to open up as they nodded.

He got ready to ask their names, when they noticed him looking, they closed down again.

"Okay."
"When you're weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all."
"I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough and friends just can't be found, like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down."
"Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down."

Little Celestia gazed up at him as he let the song flow.
"When you're down and out, when you're on the street, when evening falls so hard I will comfort you (ooo)."
"I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes and pain is all around. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down."
"Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down."

He knelt down and scratched Little Celestia behind the ears.
"Sail on silver girl. Sail on by. Your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way. See how they shine. Oh, if you need a friend. I'm sailing right behind."
"Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind."
"Like a bridge over troubled water. I will ease your mind."

Celestia buried her face in his chest, openly weeping. He caught the wistful look on Nightmare's face, before the mask dropped back into place.

He heard Discord beating his head against various thing, and Tom sweeping up the breakage. He grinned and considered, his next song was obvious as he hugged Little Celestia and the guardspony approached warily.
"It's been a long road, getting from there to here. It's been a long time, but my time is finally near."
"And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky."
"And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna change my mind."

Little Celestia looked at him with empathy. He smiled back and continued.
"Cause I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."
"I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."
"I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."
"I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart."

She smiled, and he continued.
"It's been a long road, getting from there to here. It's been a long time, but my time is finally near."
"And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothing's in my way."
"And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they re not gonna hold me down."

Nightmare Woona was giving him an adorable death glare.
"Cause I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."
"I ve got faith to believe. I can do anything."
"I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."
"I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart."

The guardspony settled beside him, and Little Celestia laid her head against his chest.
"It's been a long night. Trying to find my way."
"Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day."
"And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky."
"And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna change my mind."

He reached over to tickle Nightmare Woona under the chin, she snapped at him. He grinned at her.
"Cause I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."
"I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."
"I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."
"I can reach any star. I've got faith, faith of the heart."

He smiled at them as he sang.
"I've known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days."
"But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change."
"I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain. But I'll be fine."

Little Celestia joined in.
"Cause I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."
"I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."
"I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."
"I can reach any star. I've got faith."

The little alicorn was smiling and crying.
"I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."
"I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."
"I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart."

He finished.
"It's been a long road."

Little Celestia broke down, crying her heart out and holding onto him like she was afraid of being pulled away. He let her cry and sniffle for a while. Nightmare Woona would occasionally look at the scene and roll her eyes in disgust. Once, he waited until she looked, and he mouthed the word 'jealous' to her.

Her answering snarl would have been utter malevolence, but she was too precious to carry it off. Which made her pout about it. Which was also adorable. Which further depressed her.

"How about one for our little warrior here?" he offered. Nightmare glared at him. "You can even sing the chorus."

"Not interested," Nightmare said.

"Well, everybody else can, even our shy guardspony. Okay when I point to you, all of you sing 'We heil'." He blew a raspberry. " 'Heil.'" He blew a raspberry. " 'Right in the Fuhrer's face'."

Celestia managed it. The two earth ponies got the raspberries, as did the guardspony. Nightmare Woona was beating her head on the bottom of the wagon.

"Can we switch to slipping splinters under my hooves now?" she asked.
"When der Fuhrer says we is de master race," he sang.

"We heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face," they sang
"Not to love der Fuhrer is a great disgrace."

"So we heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face."
"When Herr Goebbels says we own the world and space."

"So we heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face."
"When Herr Goring says they'll never bomb dis place."

"So we heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face."
"Are we not the supermen Aryan pure supermen? Ja we are the supermen. Super duper supermen."
"Is this Nazi land so good would you leave it if you could? Ja this Nazi land is good, we would leave it if we could."
"We bring the world to order Heil Hitler's world to order. Everyone of foreign race. Will love der Fuhrer's face. When we bring to the world dis order"
"When der Fuhrer says we is de master race."

"So we heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face."
"Not to love der fuhrer is a great disgrace."

"So we heil heil right in der Fuhrer's face."

Celestia giggled. The two earth ponies smiled. The guardspony looked around with a 'what is going on, but I kinda like it' expression. Nightmare Woona had her eyes squeezed shut and was humming as loudly as she could.

When she realized it was over, she opened her eyes. "Just shoot me and get it over with!"

He looked out the window, and saw in the dawning light, the Bearers and all three Princesses assembling.

"Your wish is my command," he said, and pulled her wagon towards the door. "A little dignity, let her face it on her hooves."

"Thank you," Nightmare Woona said acidly.

"Besides, less temptation to tickle them," he said and little Celestia nodded sagely.

"I will kill you for this," Nightmare Woona promised.

"Not today," he said darkly.

Twilight felt rested, confident and ready for the challenge ahead. The Princesses were there to support if needed, but this was Twilight's moment. "Ready girls?" she asked her fellow bearers.

"Ready," they announced, each taking a step forward.

"Then, let's . . . "

Then the door opened, and he walked out. And Twilight's world canted sideways. He rolled the wagon carrying a miniature of Nightmare Moon a short distance away from the assembled Bearers, and stepped away. The little alicorn was tottering in the wagon as her legs were all tied together at the hooves. She was also furiously screaming at everybody. An equally miniaturized Celestia ran up before them, bowed to her full-grown counterpart, then took a begging position and nodded towards mini-Nightmare. Behind them, the guardspony and two earth ponies ran from the house and took cover.

"I think it might be wise, before she escapes," Luna said, breaking the mental inertia.

Wide-eyed, Twilight looked at the other Bearers, and they summoned the power within them. Mini-Nightmare laughed at them, until the rainbow formed around her. In a replay of their encounter with Nightmare Moon, the creature screamed and tried to avoid the effect. As the miasma rose from the possessed filly, the guardspony who has returned with them threw an odd spear at it. The thing that looked like Celestia's horn froze in the middle of the miasma that was the entity Nightmare. It seemed to absorb it all and it fell to the ground. The filly Celestia ran to the restored filly Luna. The two embraced cheerfully, tearfully, and chattered to each other in a language Twilight almost recognized but couldn't decipher.

Blueblood ran up, distracting everyone for a moment. "Urgent message. 'To our allies, Stop the spell casting it's breaking on its own. Thank you for the return of my little brother I hope his prank didn't cause too much discord, ha ha. He says he learned a lot, and apologized, that's a first, for the trouble. He promised to explain later. He also insisted we tell Applebloom her experiment didn't cause this, but she should try it on a nonmagical substrate, because it does attract a lot of attention. He recommended bananas, I think he was joking. All my best to you and yours, Queen Eris.'" He gasped on finishing. "Then they vanished."

"There still bloomin'!" Applebloom shouted happily, "And I know what he meant! The Big Guy's apple trees! They're nonmagical!" Applebloom shouted happily and dashed off.

"Shining and I will look after her. We have experience with excitable fillies," Cadence said as she and Armor headed after Applebloom. Twilight blushed and pawed the ground, laughing nervously.

Applejack left the mini-Princess' reunion and headed with Big McIntosh towards the newcomers cowering on their porch. The guardspony took off down the road like a hydra was after her. The other two stood up. Applejack's stunned gasp brought everyone's attention around.

"Nope!" Big Mac shouted as he backed away from the pair of earth ponies. "Nope! No! No! NO!" he shouted as he charged off into the fields.

"Mom?" Applejack gasped, "Dad?" She stared at the two earth ponies as if she'd seen a ghost.

What frightened Twilight more, was the newcomers were looking at most of them, especially Applejack, the exact same way.

Memories - from Cats by Andrew Lloyd Weber
Bridge Over Troubled Waters - Simon and Garfunkel
Der Fuhrer's Face - Spike Jones
Where My Heart Will Take Me - Diane Warren

16) A Spider's Tangled Web of Loves

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - A Spider's Tangled Web of Loves

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 27

"You wanted his foals, there they are," Celestia whispered to her sister, and walked regally out to greet her fellow alicorns. She stayed just beyond where they'd have to react, simply enjoying the heartwarming sight that mirrored her own restoration of/reunion with her sister.

She glanced over at Pinkie Pie, who had an adding machine and an eyeshade, and was working furiously at a project. The others were obviously stunned by the events.

Rainbow was headed over towards Applejack as the stunned farmpony confronted two ghosts long past, who were also confronting one they thought was beyond the veil.

"I - " Luna began hotly, then watched the two fillies hug and nuzzle each other happily. Her eyes shown with happy tears.

Celestia smiled and looked over the others. The Big Guy's collection had surrounded him and were chattering, asking questions and nuzzling him gently. That he'd effectively collapsed once he was out of range of the Elements told of his exhaustion.

Where has that guardspony gotten to? Celestia wanted to know.

"Ahem," Rarity said in a way that would be a declaration of war in other circumstances.

Blueblood cowered behind Celestia as Rarity grinned.

"Your Highness, could you convince your esteemed nephew, to take Spike after our departed Big Mac. He really needs another man to talk to, and it seems will have to do with what we have." She glared at Blueblood, who cringed. "Now, do a good job," she said cheerfully as Spike ambled over.

"You won't let her hurt herself, will you?" Spike asked Celestia and Rarity, before waving a hand in front of Twilight's face and getting no reaction.

"I assure you Spike, I don't let ponies under my aegis get hurt," Rarity promised with a hoof on her heart. Then she grinned at Blueblood. He dutifully walked over to Spike, fearfully watching Rarity the entire time. He knelt like a showpony, so Spike could easily climb aboard. Then he set off.

"Did she really say she'd skin you alive?" Spike asked.

"She said I was so thick, she wanted to see how many times she could skin me before she hit, you know." Blueblood said tremulously.

"Are you still interested in marrying him?" Celestia asked and grinned.

Rarity seemed to miss the humor. "No, I consider him too much of a work in progress. But whoever does will get a masterpiece by Rarity," the mare said theatrically and cantered a short distance, before slowly approaching the two fillies who were openly weeping.

"There there. It'll be all right," she assured them. Celestia walked over carefully to add her assurances and support, and to find out what was going on.

She saw Trixie and Lyra helping the Big Guy hunt down the unicorn horn the guardspony had thrown. They located the now candy striped thing and carried it to Luna. Celestia reversed and approached her sister and the collection.

"That looks rather like my horn," Celestia said, "Except for the Nightmare band."

The Big Guy offered it to Luna, and when she took it, he knelt. Not bowing, he drew a picture in the dust of the horn, a mathematical equals sign, and a circle. Then he drew a little alicorn coming out of the circle.

"An egg?" Derpy asked as she peered at the drawing, then at the purple and white striped horn. "Bawk, bawk?" she imitated a chicken as she walked.

He nodded.

"One word, dear sister, and you'll find out how sharp this really is," Luna warned.

"I was just going to suggest that we may have a more complicated life in the future," Celestia said and glanced at the two small alicorns trying and failing to talk to Rarity.

"They speak his language," Luna said in amazement, "Not ours."

"Discord," Celestia said between irritation and amusement, "This is what he's been teaching Discord."

"We can still kill both of them," Luna offered.

Discord had evidently translated, because the Big Guy was looking up at them, with puppy-dog eyes and trying to look as cute as possible.

"I am beginning to think I have the way. A simple picnic in the country," Celestia said sadly, "The world would split open and swallow him up."

"You can drop the act," Spike said quietly after checking the areas for eavesdroppers, "I know the game you're playing."

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about," Blueblood said as he trotted along, following the hoofprints of Big Mac.

"First, I got stuck listening to your family discuss their plan to marry you and Twilight a couple years ago. Some of the things they called her and you, would have had me laughing, if they hadn't made me so angry. So I actually went and looked up a bunch of things," Spike said flatly, "Being the assistant of the most data-intensive unicorn in modern history teaches you to see what is, not what's written in books, or what everyone tells you."

"Then no, I think Rarity is a friend, and she's covering for me. 'Forcing' me to do what a real gentlestallion would do," Blueblood said and enjoyed having stolen a march on Spike, "The lady's heart still yours."

Spike blushed at that. "Then, those others, they're from another Equestria?" Spike asked, "One where they don't speak Equestrian?"

"I suspect so. I think your mistress is going to have a very busy time of it. Nearly as busy as Aunt Celestia, you know what's going to happen when the elites find out about our newcomers?"

"The Big Guy is going to need more bullets," Spike said quietly as they approached the large stallion. He slipped off Blueblood's back and signaled him to wait while Spike approached. "Big MacIntosh?" Spike asked.

"Those ain't my folks," the stallion tearfully said, "They can't be. They aren't."

"I never saw any pictures of your folks. If they came out of that house, maybe they're from another dimension. Like that Blueblood and Twilight, and alicorn we saw through your barn."

"They ain't my folks," Big MacIntosh said again.

Spike glanced up as Blueblood's shadow fell over him. "That is true, but they can be your friends. They know a lot about you, you know a lot about them. You obviously share interests," Blueblood said without a hint of condescension or his 'upper-class twit' accent, "Just because they are very similar to those who birthed you, it does not give them the privileges of those who raised you."

The stallion looked at Blueblood in confusion.

"My sire and dame may have conceived and birthed me. But I was raised by others. I consider them my 'parents' in my heart. My sire and dame demand I address them as 'father and mother', but they are no more my true parents than those refugees are yours. And I strongly doubt they will put that demand on you," Blueblood said, "At the moment, a few minutes in the presence of someone they thought long-dead would be welcome enough. Consider them old friends, you just met. That may be easier."

Big MacIntosh nodded, but laid his head down on his legs and quietly wept. Blueblood sat next to him and put a comradely hoof on his shoulders.

"I can't tell anyone about this," Spike said, "Can I?"

"You'd be punished for lying if you did," Blueblood admitted.

Spike nodded and patrolled the perimeter to give them warning of any intruders.

Shining Armor balanced Applebloom and her two toothbrushes full of pollen on his head. He maneuvered her close to the apple blossom in the park. He couldn't really see what she was doing, but she did it with some practiced ease. I'm glad she ignored the cleanup crew near the park door, he thought, That's going to be trouble that needs to be reported, he thought of the paint that was being removed, and what it had said.

"M-kay," she said, through the two brushes. Once she was down on the ground, she set the brushes down on a cloth. "They glowed a little, but then, nothing." She sounded disappointed.

"Did you want a great big, huge reaction?" Armor asked.

The stricken filly shook her head.

"Then be patient. How long did it take your grandmother to develop her practice of growing Zap Apples?" Armor asked. He noted Cadence standing off at a distance looking at him with unshed tears like she would look at a newborn puppy.

I have such a desire to shout 'I am a Captain of the Guard, I am fierce, not cute', he thought while Applebloom collected her tools to bag the blossoms she'd treated, so nothing else would affect them.

He lifted the filly up and let her perform her task. I doubt I'd even understand what she's doing, let alone do it as well, he thought as he watched. He let her down when she was done. The look on Cadence's face was pretty, but had alarms going off in his mind.

"I can't wait to tell Applejack and Granny Smith about this!" Applebloom shouted and raced off.

Armor trotted along behind. Cadence fell into formation.

"Odd," she said, her faintly disturbing expression never wavering, "NO mention of a cutie-mark. Are you sure that's the real Applebloom?"

Armor rolled his eyes at the teasing, but noted Cadence's strange look hadn't gone away.

As the two alicorn fillies laughed and cried, Dinky trotted up, and stepped into the wagon, hugging both of them. "It's okay, you can be part of our family," she told both of them.

While they didn't understand the words, they seemed to understand the intent, and the pair hugged the filly back. Derpy landed and enclosed all three of them in her wings. She nuzzled all three in turn.

"Aren't those princesses?" Rainbow asked warily, trying not to look at their Highnesses while Derpy was getting a lot more familiar with these little ones than was wise.

The happy sniffle from Pinkie turned Rainbow Dash around, to see that Pinkie and the Princesses were enchanted by the scene. "Never mind, it's okay, I guess," Dash said. She still felt uneasy about it.

She headed back over to Applejack and the two earth ponies. Granny Smith sat in her rocker a short ways away and watched the three of them. "Are you two ready to talk?" Rainbow asked quietly as she landed. All three of the ponies were sitting, occasionally stealing glances at each other, then looking away. She turned to her friend. "AJ, if you won't talk to them, talk to me, what's going on? Are these your parents?"

"No," Applejack said firmly, "Yes. Maybe. I don't know," she added miserably. "Maybe they are and maybe they ain't. They look like'em. They act like I remember my ma and pa actin'. This hat, he's wearing my pa's hat, like me. Their cutie marks are my folks. Granny?"

"Don't rightly know," the Apple matriarch said, "Maybe they're from the same place as the Big Guy. He seems to know a bit about ponies." She frowned. "If'n he was home, why come back?"

Rainbow looked back to the others. Most of her friends were fixated on the scene which was far too cutsie for her tastes. Even Twilight was staring, only the occasional ear flick indicating that her brains were still churning.

"Maybe we should have Pinkie throw a party for all the newcomers," Rainbow offered. When the pink mare failed to materialize, Rainbow raised her voice. "Maybe we should have a party for all the newcomers."

"Heard ya the first time young'un," Granny Smith replied. "Maybe a get acquainted party would be a good idea."

"Yes," Rainbow said.

"But it'd take day to set it up," she finished.

Rainbow facehoofed. Then turned to the source of the weirdest sound she'd ever heard. It took her an instant to focus on the source. "It's the Big Guy, and he's singing?" Rainbow asked, as she felt the sanity completely drain out of the world.

Tom found Discord moping in their private room. "It's not fair," the spirit of Chaos grumped.

"What pray tell ever gave you the delusion that life or the world were even the tiniest bit 'fair'," Tom asked acidly, "Or perhaps you are objecting to something else entirely."

"Two days ago, he was marching through the Everfree, blasting anything that moved. Today, he's more adorable that a bucket of newborn kittens. How does he do that!?" Discord screamed in frustration.

"Chaos," Tom said, "He's better at it than you."

"I am the spirit of Chaos!" Discord thundered, towering over the sphere as a Titan would above a cowering ant, "I can sunder stars, rewrite the laws of the cosmos on a whim!"

"Be as cute as a bucket of kittens?" Tom asked wryly.

Discord reduced so he was eye-level with the sphere. "Have I told you lately how much I hate you?"

"As I am you, and your self-hatred is evident to all, the fact comes as no surprise to me, shoe or not. Now, on a more useful note. Having done him a huge favor, having demonstrated at least a modicum of understanding of 'life-affirming chaos', is it not your right as well as your duty as a good student, to ask how he accomplished that epic sea-change?"

Discord pulled a door out, set it between the two of them, and slammed it.

"Yes, I thought you hadn't," Tom said.

He sat beside the toy wagon running a finger through the mane of the distraught filly. He'd heard enough about Nightmare Moon to guess what the little one was going through. Celly and Dinky still held the sobbing filly. After Derpy's initial distress, he'd reassured her that her greeting hadn't driven Woona over the edge.

He sang softly to her, occasionally teasing her ears.
"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong. You're enchained by your own sorrow. In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow."
"How I hate to see you like this. There is no way you can deny it. I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet."

Dinky nuzzled Woona and hummed along with the song he sang.
"Chiquitita, tell me the truth. I'm a shoulder you can cry on. Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on."
"You were always sure of yourself. Now I see you've broken a feather. I hope we can patch it up together."

He suddenly wound up with a lap full of sobbing alicorn. He hugged her and kept stroking her mane.
"Chiquitita, you and I know, how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving."
"You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end. You will have no time for grieving."
"Chiquitita, you and I cry, but the sun is still in the sky and shining above you. Let me hear you sing once more like you did before. Sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."

He glanced up and saw the near wall of stunned ponies. Some like Rarity and Pinkie were grinning like the Joker on a sugar high. Twilight and Luna stared open-mouthed like he'd grown a set of wings. He really didn't care.
"So the walls came tumbling down, and your love's a blown out candle. All is gone and it seems too hard to handle. Chiquitita, tell me the truth. There is no way you can deny it. I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet."

Woona grabbed his arm and hugged it tightly to her as she cried. He continued singing.
"Chiquitita, you and I know, how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving."
"You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end. You will have no time for grieving."
"Chiquitita, you and I cry. But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you."
"Let me hear you sing once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."

The sniffling was not coming exclusively from the youngsters, but many of the other ponies as well. Derpy nuzzled him, then renewed her wing-hug of the collection of fillies that had relocated around his occupied lap. He simply waited, stroking Woona's ears and mane with the arm she held to her cheek, then Celly's, with his free hand.

As they dashed into Sweet Apple Acres, he saw the Big Guy surrounded by mares with the same expression that Cadence still wore. Ah ha! That's the 'I've found a father for my foals, now I have to catch him', since Derpy doesn't look that way, it has to have that addition, since she's already 'caught' hers. Cadence headed for her aunts to observe the scene and was soon as enchanted at the Big Guy cuddling the tiny Luna filly.

Armor picked the safest target and sidled up beside her to shock her out of her torpor and get her to explain what was happening. "Wake up Twilie," he whispered in her ear, "You're drooling."

His little sister vied, unsuccessfully, in adorableness as she shook herself out of the spell. He was partially immune, he'd seen it, he'd seen it dozens of times. The most ferocious guard ponies, mares and stallions, turning into the cuddliest critters imaginable around their own fillies and colts. It amazed him that ponies were surprised by the dual nature of those warriors. All that controllable ferocity has to come from somewhere, he thought. He watched as the expressions on the others became horror as Applebloom ran up to two newcomers and greeted them in typical Apple-style.

"Hi, welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, home of the best Apples in Equestria. I'm Applebloom, pleased ta meetcha!" Neither Applebloom nor Armor understood the sudden heartbroken expressions on the two earth ponies' faces.

"Applebloom," Applejack said, with Rarity and Rainbow Dash in support. "This here's Jonathan Appleseed, and Johnny Cake. In their world, they're our folks."

"Momma, poppa?" Applebloom asked, her ears and bow drooping, "But they - they went to another world?"

"They aren't our ma and pa, they're from another place. They just," Applejack struggled with the words.

"I don't understand!" the filly wailed as she looked from adult to adult for an explanation.

"Applebloom," Twilight said, freed by the cessation of the cuteness. The Big Guy set the fillies in the wagon and took the two newcomers aside to talk with them. "They aren't your parents. They're ponies, who in their world grew apples, and had three foals, a boy and two girls." Seeing she wasn't connecting Twilight paused and changed tacks, "Have you ever gone somewhere, and felt you'd been there or done something before. But you hadn't. This is like that. They'll seem like they fit in to the Apple family, they'll know about you and Applejack and Big MacIntosh, but you've never met."

"Twilight," Rarity said, "Applebloom never got to know her parents."

Twilight looked to Applejack. "Then it applies to you too, and Big Mac. They aren't your folks, but I think they are your family."

"I think I understand, Twilight," Applebloom said, her face scrunched up as she thought hard. "They're like cousins, like Braeburn or Apple Fritter," she offered uncertainly.

Twilight decided not to correct the grating misconception. "Something like that."

She has grown up, Armor thought as he ambled over, I can remember her arguing the least little inaccuracies.

They turned and saw Big Mac, Blueblood and Spike returning. Spike was riding on Big Mac's back. Blueblood was looking put upon and supercilious, nose in the air. Armor suppressed the desire to give the stallion a private dressing down. Rarity however, marched straight at him. With a wail of terror, the royal stallion bolted back into the orchard. Rarity tore after him.

Spike and Big Mac exchanged confused looks and then continued to the cluster of Apples.

"I apologize for my behavior. It wasn't neighborly," Big Mac said. He seemed to stall on the next words, looking to Applejack and Granny Smith for some clue. They were as lost as he was.

The Big Guy cleared his throat. When he had Big Mac's attention, he smiled and drew a circle in the air to indicate the two new comers, then touched his hand to his chest and mimed sleeping.

"Thank you," Big Mac said and nodded. He offered a hoof to the two ponies, who took it and shook it. Although the mare seemed closer to crying than the stallion.

Pinkie walked up slowly, glancing occasionally at the Big Guy who nodded in reply. Armor still remembered the trauma of their first meeting. She pulled a party hat from somewhere. Put it on the two and handed them a calendar with a date circled. Two days hence. When they nodded, she hugged them enthusiastically, and they hugged back. Streamers flew and Pinkie danced, proclaiming the best party! The new Apples grinned at her antics, as did the native Apples. Then they glanced at each other and shrugged.

"So they had a Pinkie Pie on their side," Armor whispered to Twilie.

"Or the same one," Twilie replied.

Armor's head started to hurt working that idea out. "Thank you for that," he said and facehoofed.

"I don't think we did very well," Jonathan Apple said as they walked. Fortunately, the path to Sweet Apple Acres was not well traveled, so only a few Ponyvillians saw and gasped/fainted at the sight of the newcomers.

"You did as well as could be expected. And it will get easier as the days go by," the Big Guy told them as he pulled the wagon with the three sleeping fillies in it. Derpy and Lyra would occasionally push or float it over rough spots. He glanced back at the wagon. "If I started introducing myself as Clyde S. Dale, no one would get the joke."

"If we would have stayed," Johnny Cake said.

"You would have died. Is a little heartache and confusion worse than being dead?" he asked.

"No," Jonathan said, and glanced back at his cutie-mark, a bag with apple seeds spilling out. "I just wonder if my 'destiny' isn't taking a rather cruel turn."

"Let me guess, you went out spreading apple seeds, setting up your families' farms, planting orchards and basically campaigning for apples in all ways."

The pair stared at him in stunned amazement.

"I haven't worked out the connection, but there's lots of links between this world and mine. Johnny Appleseed spread apples all over the continent. It's not a stretch to think Jonathan Apple would do the same," the Big Guy explained.

"That must seem very," Johnny Cake searched for the word, "I guess weird is the word."

"It can get that way," the Big Guy admitted, "It's always weird how someponies are downright hostile or fearful, and others latch on with no obvious reason. Derpy and Fluttershy are supposed to be timid doormats, and they came right up with no problem. While Applejack, and Celestia of all ponies are afraid of me. It must have something to do with their cutie-mark and thus their connection to the world's magic. It isn't logical without that."

"And what about Pinkie Pie, I've never seen her so restrained before," Johnny Cake said, "And she's been living with my little brother and his wife for years."

"I think Pinkie wants everybody around her to be happy. Until Twilight arrived, and I'm even worse, I don't think anyone ever made it clear that just sitting quietly can make someone smile. She's learning that quiet can work too. It's against her nature, but she's a clear enough thinker that she'll say 'okay, I don't understand it, but let's see if I can predict it'. Like her Pinkie Sense. She didn't try to understand why, but carefully cataloged what preceded what," he chuckled, "I almost wish I'd seen that. Poor Twilight demanding orthodoxy about magic, and Pinkie providing the scientist's answer: 'I don't know exactly why, I only have a theory, but I know it happens this way predictably.'"

The two Apples stared at him. "You just called Pinkie Pie a clear thinker," Johnny said. The mare shook her head. "No offense, but you must have come from a very strange world to classify Pinkie Pie as clear."

"Clear, not necessarily comprehensible," he amended, "And yes, I've dealt with some truly brilliant people that I wouldn't dare leave alone with a metal umbrella in a room with a power socket. But they'd always have a very erudite explanation of what they did and the results. Asking why they did it was usually meant with an incredulous look."

Celly giggled at that image.

The gasp from Lyra and Derpy drew everyone's attention. Bonbon, Dinky Doo and Golden Harvest were polishing the 'park door' to the Big Guy's home. Lyra rushed forward to talk to Bonbon. The mare with the scrub brush growled a bit in the Big Guy's direction, but her real frustration was directed at the door, and what presumably had been written there.

" 'Monster go home'," Lyra said sadly and shook her head, "After everything he's done for us, and nothing he's done to us, somepony would paint that on both sides of the door? Why?"

"Lyra, there are a whole slew of ponies in town who are just plain scared of him," Bonbon said.

Lyra shied back. "Why? What has he done to make you angry?"

Bonbon lowered her head. "He took away my crazy musician roommate who used to come to me when the whole world thought she was wrong," Bonbon said quietly, "Now that he's proved you right, you go on adventures like Daring Doo. You cried when a bunch of Parasprites ate your desert, now you act like you're a Canterlot Heavy Guard. The only thing different is him!"

"Bonbon you're -" Lyra stopped as she traced Bonbon's stare back to its cause. "Oh, ah, that's," she began.

Bonbon held up a hoof. "I can bucking well see who it is!" Bonbon shook her head. "What happened? He ran out of bits to buy apples and paid for them by going to Tartarus and getting Applejack's folks back? Did Celestia and Luna object and he turned them into fillies?" Bonbon shouted, "There's no explanation for that! There's no explanation for you just going along with that! Tirek, Nistag, Nightmare Moon, Discord, all the bogeymares from all of our history, and he just sweeps them aside like they're nothing? And you just stand there grinning and nodding like it's normal. It scares me, it scares the rest of us. What if he turns on us, what could possibly stop him?"

"He won't," Lyra soothed.

"You know that, you have faith. I don't. Lyra, we're scared. A lot of us. The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, they're all local ponies. Fine, I can live with that. The Everfree spits up a monster now and again, I can live with that. But him . . . you say he's a savior, I say he could be a monster. If you're right, I'm a fool. If I'm right, what could stop him? The Bearers? The Princesses? Who?"

"Me," Lyra said. She nuzzled her shocked friend. "I'll stop him. And I won't be because I'm some hero out of legend. I'll stop him with my weakness. That's what you aren't seeing. Every threat he's faced and beaten has been a test of strength. But show him weakness and kindness, and he's different. You want to know how to beat him? Surrender. I know it doesn't make an ounce of sense, but force draws out force, gentleness draws out gentleness. You could go scream at him for stealing your crazy roommate away, and he'll retreat. But move to hurt me, or worse hurt Dinky Hooves, and he'll tear your spine out of your back."

Bonbon was crying but her anger had left her. "Yeah, I want my timid, crazy roommate back. I want to be needed too." She looked hopefully at Lyra.

"Why don't you come to the house with us? There's room," Lyra said, and saw the fear in her friend's eyes, "When he feels safe, he drops the 'I am invincible' act. Besides, you can show him what a good cook you are."

"I thought he ate meat," Bonbon said.

"Didn't you say you ate a couple of fruit bats once?" Lyra accused.

"I was starving," Bonbon countered. "Okay, I guess he can fry up the remains of some poor animal while I'm making everything else." She leaned close. "He still scares the pronk out of me."

"When he does the things he does, it scares the pronk out of me too," Lyra confided, "I apologize for neglecting you. I think he's got enough spare ponies that I can forgo pony piling tonight, to spend some time with my best friend."

"Won't he object if we, ah, in his house?" Bonbon asked.

Lyra swatted her with her tail. "That's not what I meant," Lyra scolded, "But if we could get Princess Luna to watch, maybe they'd get the idea. No, he'd probably do what we did, rather than what a stallion does." Lyra shook her head. "We should avoid the subject, and stick to cuddling." Lyra nuzzled her nervous friend.

Sveti looked around the door and dropped her scrub brush in the bucket she held. "If you want to prove that to yourself, Bonbon, why don't you frogmarch him and his little band over to Glory's little operation. He's supposed to be getting dietary help from them anyway."

Bonbon stared. "I couldn't," the wide-eyed and shivering mare whispered.

"Sure, you've seen Applejack herd critters before. No reason you can't try your hand. Let Derpy and Dinky lead, have Lyra pull the wagon, and you get and keep him moving. As long as you watch for sudden stops, you'll be fine."

Bonbon looked to Lyra, who nodded, then to Derpy who saluted. The Big Guy had an expression that he knew he was being plotted against, but would be tolerant. "Okay," Bonbon said, then cried out, "Cavalry forward!"

"She was part of the Benmare Lancers," Lyra said as she followed Bonbon. Lyra took the tongue of the wagon full of giggling alicorns, and watched Bonbon gently head butt the Big Guy from behind. He made a whining sound to Celly and Woona, which sent to two little alicorns into hysterics. Then he dutifully walked after Derpy. Dinky Hooves raced around them barking like Winona. Dinky Doo soon joined the game, the two of them acting like couple of border collies.

Lyra watched the Big Guy chuckle at the antics of the group, with Celly and Woona laughing so hard they could barely stay upright in the wagon. The Apples followed, and conversed among themselves. They too seemed to accept the insanity with good grace.

Glory watched them bugeyed from the door of the shop. Hollyhock had looked out, then raced back inside. A few Ponyvillians stopped to watch the parade. Although some darted inside and closed their doors. Lyra heard the sound of heavy furniture being dragged across a floor in one house, while a foal peeked out the window next to the door. Lyra and the Big Guy shared a chuckle about that.

They entered the converted restaurant and heard the regimented chaos that was a master chef at work in the kitchen. Forget-me-not guided them to a table that had been constructed to be comfortable for both ponies and for the Big Guy, although the chair sat rather lower than he was used to. The small pegasus also saw to the seating of Celly and Woona, taking their presence in stride. Glory stood and stared with her mouth open, until Celly's horn glowed briefly and shut it. That seemed to wake the unicorn up.

"What happened?" Glory asked.

Bonbon smirked at Lyra. "Since you weren't going out to get him, we brought him here." The two marefriends giggled at the nonplused unicorn.

"Okay, I deserved that, but their Highnesses," Glory said.

"Their Highnesses are back at Sweet Apple Acres," Derpy provided, "Or maybe back at camp, I don't know," she added thoughtfully. "Anyway, we're here."

Glory indicated the two fillies, then realized nopony was going to explain it. She shook her head and trotted back to the kitchen.

Forget-me-not gave everyone at the table a glass of sarsparilla, set a bowl of fruit slices in the middle of the table, then dashed back into the kitchen. She returned with some plates and a set of tongs.

The Big Guy took it upon himself to serve out the plates.

"See," Lyra whispered to Bonbon.

"I still think I'm having a pleasant lunch with a rabid bear," Bonbon whispered back, then squeaked when Lyra bit her shoulder.

"I'll bite something else later," Lyra promised.

Bonbon looked at the two giggling alicorns and blushed crimson.

Celly finished chuckling then sighed. She sipped the sarsparilla and enjoyed the biting taste. "It's been so long since I could sit with ponies and just laugh." She took on a regal tone and pose. "I am to be the upright standard for all of ponydom."

He reached over and scratched her behind the ears. Her ears went flat and she set her head on the table.

"And that would never be allowed," she said quietly.

"Lonely on top of the pedestal. But if you can shape-change, you can go out as other ponies. Walk around, listen to gossip, and hearing what ponies in real life are talking and thinking about. When the management gets isolated from the folks on the floor, they lose the ability to manage," he told her.

"I certainly didn't do as good a job as this Celestia," Celly looked over to Woona, who was fast asleep curled up in her chair. "I kept her in the gardens, talked to her, promised to save her, then I couldn't."

"This place's Celestia banished her into the moon, because she couldn't save her either," he told Celly. "Tradeoffs. You told her you loved her every day, while she struggled with Nightmare. Or you hold them in stasis where she's the strongest. Either one of you could have simply destroyed her, and neither one of you could save her. Best of bad options."

"I failed, everyone," Celly said miserably.

"You failed yourself," he replied, "Got knocked down. Get up Celestia." He nodded towards the Apples. "At least as far as your knees."

The alicorn nodded and slipped out of the chair to bow before the stunned earth ponies. She apologized to the stunned pair, for her missteps and what it had cost them personally. The Apples accepted, as graciously as they could, but were clearly uncomfortable. They glanced around worriedly. The rest of the local Equestrians murmured among themselves. Outside the windows and peeking in the doors were dozens of local ponies gossiping and chattering about the scene, or other things.

Except Bonbon, who attracted Lyra's attention and wearily indicated the scene. Lyra seemed chagrined by the whole thing, and Bonbon's accusation. The arrival of the food lessened the tensions inside, but the speculations outside increased. It looked like a quiche, and smelled strongly of spinach and fried potatoes. Glory went out and the crowd outside dispersed. The earth pony server carefully doled out the sections, along with salads of differing sizes. The ponies got less quiche and more salad than the Big Guy. The small pegasus also delivered a plate of what looked like corned beef hash.

"I thought ponies eschewed meat," he said, "This smells delicious."

The chuckles from the Apples brought everyone's attention around.

"Ponies very occasionally eat meat," Jonathan said, "If there's nothing else. They don't eat anything that can talk to them, but I've had fish, and fowl. It's the indigestion you get afterwards that keeps most ponies away. But meat or starvation, I'll take meat thank you very much."

"I know horses sometimes kill and eat birds and small animals. But here cows are able to think and converse, and other animals seem a great deal more intelligent than those on my world."

"We aren't as sweet and peaceful as you might think," Johnny Cake said, "Some of the rows I've had with some people in Ponyville are not quite the stuff of legend, but I grew out of most of it."

"I almost can't imagine that," he admitted.

"Well, the one I had with my brother over that layabout ragamuffin he was so taken with," Johnny said thoughtfully, a hoof on her chin.

"Mrs. Cake?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh yes," Johnny said, and nodded.

"Excuse me," Woona suddenly got up and left the table.

"I'll -" Celly began.

"I'll do it," the Big Guy replied, "I think I know what's bugging her. It's happened here before. The advantage of already having the answer in hand."

Celly nodded and watched him head after her sister. She sighed happily, then looked at the two grinning Apples, and everyone else at the table. "I did want to distance myself from the throne and the pedestal," she said quietly, but not too quietly.

Several of the others chuckled at her chagrin.

"When do you suppose it will hatch?" Celestia asked Luna as her sister carried the weird horn/egg under her wing.

"Knowing him, at the least convenient time possible," Luna answered sharply.

"I can carry it," Celestia offered.

"No, thank you," Luna replied sharply as they trotted back towards the base camp, which had been completely struck and was being loaded for return to Canterlot. "Two days," Luna sighed, "Two days I'd rather not live over."

"Why? We were able to be who we were in the old days, with no ponies, save those we trust, to see how we reacted," Celestia said, "It isn't that we are goddesses as some want to believe. But we are powerful."

"I've never believed in the whole 'hide who you are to not offend others' business," Luna said.

"I've noticed that," Celestia replied tartly.

"Still, I didn't like seeing myself, who I could really be," Luna said, "I can understand why Nightmare chose me, instead of you or any of the others. You are far more easily angered, but I am more easily enraged. It is not a welcome revelation."

"It is something to overcome. I find I am more, irritated and disappointed these days," Celestia offered and draped a wing over her sister. "I am glad that we could help another Celestia and another Luna regain their beloved sister." She stopped and nuzzled her sister.

Luna rubbed her cheek on her sister's neck.

Celestia peered at Luna's wing. "Not inconvenient enough I guess," Celestia commented.

Luna grimaced at her sister. "Probably on the flight home," Luna observed, "Would a budget meeting count as convenient or inconvenient?"

"Convenient," the two sisters said together and chuckled.

"I rather liked being 'in the field'," Celestia said, "Something refreshing about ponies not wanting your opinion on absolutely everything. Just which direction and at whom to point their weapons. You can even leave it up to the commanders when to charge."

"Don't say that back at court, you'll have every ambassador in a tizzy," Luna warned.

"Perhaps at the next soiree, where the bureaucrats, generals and artists have all cloistered in their separate groups together, I could mention it to the generals," Celestia mused.

"Mention it to the artists," Luna suggested and rolled her eyes. Then she paused and considered her sister's thoughtful expression. "Don't, it was a joke!"

"But humor always carries a seed of truth," Celestia said, "Perhaps I should ask the artists if it's a good idea to ask the generals?"

"And Discord thinks he's the sole spirit of Chaos dwelling on Equestria," Luna grumped.

Celestia grimaced and glared at her sister. "You remember when you said I'm more easily angered?"

"Celestia, I," Luna stammered.

"That wasn't one of them," the Solar Diarch said with a grin.

Luna turned and addressed the precious cargo she carried under her wing. "Your aunt is nuts."

"Your mommy needs to lighten up," Celestia added, "You wanted foals. I wonder, filly, colt, twins? Triplets?"

Luna shuddered at the last. "I'll just be glad if they are ponies. But, Nightmare and your horn. What kind of ponies will they be?"

"Alicorns possibly," Celestia said.

"I mean, personality," Luna said, and gazed at her wing again.

"I think that may have more to do with us, than where they came from," Celestia said and paused at the perimeter. The guards clearly confused at what their sovereigns were giggling about.

Rainbow looked longingly at the mug of cider in front of her, then pushed it in front of Applejack. The farmpony sat with her chin on the table, staring at her circle of friends. Even Winona sensed her mood and sat beside her. Big Mac and Applebloom were in the parlor just staring out the windows.

"Land sake's child," Granny said as she tottered in, "They aren't your folks, but they are your kin."

"Thank you," Applejack said. "But I, I can't believe that."

"Applejack, you buried your ma and pa. I buried my children," the old mare said wistfully. "I don't care about the 'how', I'll leave that to eggheads. Somepony who looks like our Johnnies is back. Maybe the Big Guy wanted to teach Discord how you could give somepony everything they think they want, and a great gift it is, and still raise a ruckus. Maybe Discord learned on his own and wanted to show all of us a bit about the difference 'tween wishin' and havin'. Now those folks is lost and alone. Ain't right we turn our back to'em cause they talk funny and make us uncomfortable. Your friend Zecora is proof of that."

"I guess granny, it's gonna be hard," Applejack said.

"Hard as seeing your son and daughter alive again?" Granny said, "I ain't the only one goin' through that. Right now, they might even be thinkin' you and Big Mac don't need'em no more. That'd hurt worse than dyin'."

Applejack's head came up and she stared at her grandmother.

"Before anyone does anything precipitate," Rarity said carefully, nodding to the Apple matriarch, "I think a cooling off period might be in order. Which means don't force them into anything, immediately." She said the last directly to Pinkie Pie.

"That's why the party is scheduled day after tomorrow," Pinkie Pie innocently replied, and held up the calendar.

Rarity decided to take the partial victory as presented. "And no 'pre-party parties.'"

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Pinkie pinkie promised. "I'm going to be too busy planning the party anyway."

"Twi, what about you?" Applejack said.

"Hey egghead, anybody home?" Rainbow asked and waved her hoof in front of Twilight's face. When she got no reaction, she moved Twilight's cider in front of herself.

"Blueblood's foals," Twilight whispered. Then shouted, "I was pregnant with Blueblood's foals! How could I do that?! Even in a universe ruled by Discord's sister, how could that much insanity collect in my mind!?" Twilight shuddered violently, collected her purloined cider and downed it in one gulp. "That didn't help," Twilight said, and fell over.

"None of the private stock for her," Granny said firmly.

"By Celestia," Twilight said dreamily, "I'm full of -" Twilight's eyes crossed and her cheeks bulged.

"Bucket!" Applejack yelled in alarm.

The Big Guy followed the morose filly closely as she walked with her nose practically plowing the ground before her. He said nothing, but stood once so she was staring directly at his shadow while she walked. At a small footbridge he raced ahead and sat down, she nearly ran into him.

"If you're trying to cheer me up, don't bother," she said quietly. Like a serious five-year-old.

"Feeling that you betrayed your sister and her people and don't deserve another chance?" he asked pointedly.

She shied back, then glared at him. He returned it.

"You don't deserve it. It's a gift from others, don't forget that. Some give it for their own aggrandizement, others so someone might do it for them, and a few because it's right and proper to give the penitent another chance," he told her.

She sighed. "What do you know about it?" she asked.

"The local Luna went through it herself," he explained, "While Discord's description of long crying jags, and drowning unfortunate servants in oceans of tears are likely an exaggeration, I suspect there may be a kernel of truth in the stories. And don't think you're the only being on this bridge who has had an 'oh my God what have I done' moment that wakes you up in a cold sweat. When you can with absolute calm, toss a phosphorous grenade in the open hatch of a tank, and cook five people alive, to protect your chums. Then you can feel the horror of hearing their screams, and realizing they're just kids. Kids who slaughtered a bunch of your countrymen in cold blood a few days earlier and were planning on doing the same to you, but kids none-the-less. That wasn't me trapped in my own mind watching some alien entity move me like a puppet. That was me looking at the tank coming down the road and thinking 'not again, not on my watch'. That was me, very consciously burning to death everyone in that tank. It wasn't brave or noble, leaning out of a window to dump a grenade through a hatch the commander was too stupid to close. You think that doesn't haunt me to this day. A bunch of stupid kids who bought into the lies, and an adult not much older than them made them pay a terrible price for youthful stupidity. You got caught when you were down, and never could fight back. Getting angry, not seeing the facts was your fault. Everything Nightmare Moon did with your body, not your fault."

"I don't deserve forgiveness. I should have fought harder. I should never have let Nightmare Moon trust Sombra," she replied quietly.

"And exactly what would you have done differently? I encountered Nightmare myself. She wasn't rational, and was too arrogant to be even vaguely smart. But she knew how to play people."

"Then how did you escape?" Woona accused.

"I gave her a strawman to play," he told her, "While I kept the real me hidden. When you know all the promises are lies or will be hollow if delivered, it's a lot easier not to give in. You're going to have to get used to your sister blaming herself, almost entirely, for what happened. Not you. Her immediate offer of forgiveness was because she thinks it's her fault."

Woona stared at him in confusion.

"Been through it before, remember?" he asked, "Just accept her forgiveness, and forgive her in turn. It doesn't matter if you 'deserve it'. Forgiveness is about you giving up the emotional baggage, the forgiven is almost immaterial."

"You don't strike me as a 'forgive and forget' sort," Woona said.

"I don't forget," he admitted, "But that means I watch for a relapse, but I am not out manufacturing one to fit my pain."

"I don't know if I can," she admitted s she turned away, "Forgive myself."

"That'll come later. For today, forgive your sister. Whether you think she's done anything wrong or not, it's what she needs."

"That I can do," Woona said, and turned around, "Rather straight, that furrow. Maybe the Apples need a new plow." She started walking back towards the restaurant.

"You do realize the food's gotten cold by now," he offered.

She growled at him then galloped towards her destination.

Lyra watched the pair return. She'd had a clue when Holly Hock had collected their plates and took them away. The filly Woona spoke quietly to the filly Celly. While the Big Guy retook his seat, seemingly unconcerned about the two fillies wandering off, he smiled at Bonbon and looked around at the others.

He alone didn't react to the anguished cry from filly Celly. Even Holly Hock looked out of the kitchen at the sound. Filly Celly had wrapped her forelegs and wings around filly Woona, fallen on her rear haunches and was sobbing n anguish. The other filly seemed disturbed by the depths of her sister's reaction, but spoke soothing words and stroked her mane.

If not for the gentle pose and words, Lyra thought as she watched the young duplicates of their Diarchs play out a scene their rulers might have, If you just go by filly Celly, filly Woona just carved her heart out.

"Ten bits says he convinces our Celestia and Luna to play out the same scene," Bonbon said acidly, "That's what I'm talking about. He teaches Luna a few words that reduce Celestia to that. And you think we don't have a reason to be afraid?"

"Maybe," Lyra admitted, "But we'll be stronger with him than without him. And you haven't given him a fair chance. He isn't what you're afraid of. What you're afraid of is he's better than most ponies. He wouldn't paint 'Ponies go home' on our doors. He wouldn't shun someone like Zecora because he was afraid. He'd do what Twilight did, go and meet her."

"And shoot her if she charged," Bonbon said, "We heard that shooting for hours. What fights like that?"

"What fights for us like that?" Lyra asked. "Okay, that is scary. People he barely knows and he does that. We don't know what he'll want for it, or maybe we do. Acceptance, friendship, people, ponies to watch over him when he's weak. Maybe a puzzle or two. You might as well fear her Highness will level Ponyville because it obstructs a clear view of the Everfree. Could she? Yes. Would she? Never."

"I'll think about it," Bonbon said, "Next you'll tell me he's an expert candy maker."

"You could ask," Lyra teased.

Despite arriving back at the house in the middle of the day, none of the group was eager to remain awake. The previous days' events over a very filling meal had most of them in a torpor. The tour of the house was low key, kitchen, bathroom, and the bedrooms.

"You're being quiet," Sveti said to Trixie as the pair trailed the group. They watched the Apples return to the living room to curl up together on the floor, then Lyra and Bonbon took the spare bedroom.

"Trying to take it all in. Thousands of worlds, some like ours, some not, but in subtle ways. They speak his language, not ours, Sparkle marries Blueblood and they have a family. And the investigation and the battle," Trixie said. She shook out her mane. "I guess what really gets me is for all my boasts, I can actually claim I was there for this. Was an important part of it, and no one will believe me. I'll actually have to fabricate what I did here, because telling them what I actually did will break their willing suspension of disbelief, will jar them out of the mental state I want them in to enjoy the show."

"You could break up what you did into digestible chunks. And let it build," Sveti offered.

"Then the show would look like a cheap let down. Nothing I could do on stage would match what I did. Fighting an Ursa, I could duplicate in miniature on stage. But untangling a dimensional knot, fighting that plant, helping bring about another pair of princesses. How do I do that?"

"Rest, and think on it," Sveti said.

The two alicorns had already jumped onto the bed. Derpy put Dinky up there and waited while the Big Guy went to change and use the bathroom.

"I think the Big Guy has gotten himself more trouble than he thinks," Sveti whispered to Trixie, nodding to the Celly foal. The beautiful little mare was staring longingly at the door.

"It took Luna a year to grow up, and she's only recently returned to her pre-mooning state," Trixie said. As she joined the others on the huge bed "I think they can restrain themselves."

"Read more ancient history," Sveti said, collected a small pillow and curled up on the floor.

Celestia enjoyed the feeling of flight almost as much as she enjoyed the chagrined expressions on her troops as she 'deigned' to share the skies with them. The chariots were loaded with gear and Luna rode one of the smaller, scout chariots, cradling the 'egg' under her wing.

I guess I do feel a bit jealous, she thought, He offered the candy striped horn to both of us. Luna hesitated less than I did. My horn, and Nightmare, both from another world. I can't imagine willingly giving up my horn, even to stop Nightmare. I guess I'm not as selfless as my little ponies think I am. I do have limits. She glanced back at Ponyville. Of course, he could probably talk a mule out of one of her legs, so maybe it wasn't as selfless as I thought.

She watched carefully as the chariot entered the landing pattern, only for Luna to direct it towards her observatory.

"I guess you don't want to wait?" Celestia asked as her sister disembarked.

She thanked the guards before answering. "I figured waiting in the air was most inconvenient place. This would either hatch aboard a small air-chariot, or we'd force our way through the pattern to make an emergency landing. Guaranteeing all the loose-tongues in Canterlot would be wagging about it."

"Well, I suspect the loose tongue we brought with us will be wagging enough," Celestia said as she left her sister, "You'll do well as a mother." She hastened her leaving considerably.

Celestia, Solar Diarch, Ruler of Equestria retook the mantle of pampered leader of an admiring populace as soon as she touched down. Maids and servants silently fussed over how to return her to pristine condition, as if walking among ordinary ponies, and especially out in the wilds threatened to permanently stain her, and those stains would redound negatively on them. She politely ignored them, and ordered those with the endless paperwork of office to follow.

Blueblood, to Celestia's surprise, was among a group of soldiers. Unfortunately, they saluted on spotting her, warning her quarry.

"Oh, Auntie Celly," Blueblood bowed low, a clear 'tell' he knew he had done something he would be punished for. "I was just regaling these guards of the great battle and the brave exploits of their noble ruler, co-ruler."

"Like being barraged and covered with cake, and having Luna with fifty-seven settings of flatware magnetized to her?" Celestia asked.

Blueblood looked aghast. "I was leaving out the more, regrettable, parts."

Oops, she thought but kept looking placidly at him, a sure way to break him down.

"I'm in trouble again, aren't I?" he said, "I should just go to my room?"

She nodded. He nodded to the soldiers and slunk off.

"An official statement will be made later. My nephew tends to exaggerate," Celestia said.

The guards might have been carved of stone for all their reaction. Then they saluted as one.

Once more unto the breach, she thought then turned to face the functionaries and their endless needs, I sometimes think this job is like an elephant being devoured by ants.

Blueblood didn't much mind being sent to his room. As punishments went, that was usually the end of it. I already planted the seeds that there is another Celestia and Luna, and let the wet hens work out that they are now even farther from the throne than before. And that if Celestia or Luna fell ill, they might even call on other worlds for help. Putting the 'eventual rise to the throne' even further away. But I must work out some 'innocent' questions for our lovely tea-party later. The one with my sovereign, and my mother. He nearly growled at the realization.

He returned to his quarters, looked on the long-suffering servants who expected an explosion after two days off while he was in the field. "Go home," he wailed, "I want to be alone!" He threw himself on the bed.

One remained behind to monitor when he'd want pampering again. He decided he'd give that last unfortunate the rest of the wonderful day off. He tossed a small bagful of bits to the one who'd likely lost the selection. "Go away, go buy yourself something fabulous," he moaned and buried his head in the pillows.

Another guaranteed sale for Miss Rarity. It might be a 'revenge on Blueblood' purchase, but they are wearing and enjoying the clothes. I guess I should 'catch' them, praise the clothes and demand the servants' attire be redesigned. That'll make everyone happy.

Suddenly a problem that had actually been vexing him came into clear focus. Drat, I sent them all away, Blueblood thought, Well, it's not as though the Gala is that close. After what happened last time, I think Auntie Celestia will invite them again. Just to drive poor Captain Armor crazy.

He carefully wrote out the note and sealed it in the envelope. He then rearranged nearly everything in the room, so he couldn't 'find anything out of place' to complain about later. After all, if I've redecorated, it has to be perfect, he thought and considered his next move.

"Celly! Woona! I am so glad you stopped by to see your old friend!" Discord said happily to the two dreamshades who looked anything but friendly. He ignored their combative stance and expressions as he walked across the perimeter of the Big Guy's dreamscape. "Now, since you can actually talk to him, a good bit of sifting to find you I might add, if you're going to enter his dreams, ask. He's rather protective of his privacy. That was the local alicorns' mistake," he said, then added seriously, "And a bad one."

"Discord, what are you saying?" Celly demanded.

"Oh that fire! He's just gonna love you all grown up." Discord did a happy dance, losing pieces that continued to dance along with him.

"I feel he goes to pieces rather more easily than before. A joyful student, no doubt," the gray sphere said as it approached. "I am Tom, a bit of Discord that rather early got the whole picture. Rather than lose the joy of discovery, we separated, amicably." He looked at the alicorn foals and chuckled. "Ah yes, the look of stunned incomprehension does me good, but ignorance is not bliss. To wit. Your local counterparts, rather than let him complete his breakdown and start his recovery, bottled up what was boiling inside. They later made several forays into his dreams, seriously disturbing them, him, or both. It makes poor sense to seal something under high-pressure away, then both weaken the seals and ramp up the internal pressure."

"Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!" Discord announced as he danced by.

"Quite. In any case, we request you refrain from unauthorized entry into his mind or dreams. One of the least disturbing was orchestrated by Discord, that alone should be a warning. He turned your local counterparts into creatures more like him, translating your beauty into an appearance he'd better comprehend. The disaster came about when he underestimated Celestia's reaction and attraction. She's rather afraid of him, and so took the opportunity to 'press his buttons' as it were. While that heaped confusion on an already confused situation, it did reduce tension. The unsolicited and unexpected invasions went markedly less well."

"I have spent ten centuries as Nightmare Moon, what could he possibly know that would compare with that?" Woona said.

Tom turned. "Dieppe. Caen. Kapyong." Each image was a collage of stills, only up for a moment. But the horror and death each contained stunned the two alicorns. "And that wasn't the worst of it," Tom said, "Should I go on?"

"No," Celly said quietly. "We only want him to know how grateful we are."

"Then sneaking in here is a terrible way to show it," Discord scolded as he skated along the ceiling. "I didn't pick you to make things worse." His head detached and rotated to talk to Celly. "I picked you because I thought you'd listen, and help things along. The first 'help' is not to completely screw up the way your predecessor did."

"Why should we help you?" Celly asked acidly.

Discord reached down and put his hands on his cheeks. "Why would I ever suggest such a thing?" he asked, "You're helping yourself. Your sister is back. You have a whole host of ponies to be friends with, and a very dangerous alien who needs all the hugs and cuddles he can get to keep from going mad. That I benefit in the slightest shouldn't color your actions."

"And what do you expect from us?" Woona asked.

"Chaos," Discord said, "The ponies will be confused. Your language will confuse them. The Big Guy will be confused, and best of all: you'll all be desperately searching for the hidden, evil plan ole Discord has brewing."

"Which is?" Celly asked.

"Not having one!" Discord said delightedly, "Watching you try and disprove that will be hilarious!"

"Understanding at this point is not required," Tom said.

"To whom are you talking?" Woona asked.

"Anyone who is listening," Tom replied. "I think a few data about the last successful incursion can wait a day or so. You two need to recover, and so does he."

"Yes, his dreams have been positively boring during this nap," Discord said as he poured from the ceiling into his usual shape, right side up, on the floor. "Which when compared with utterly horrifying and terrifying, is a huge improvement."

"You actually like him?" Celly asked incredulously, "You're fond of him?"

"He's interesting and useful. I want to keep him around," Discord said dismissively, "Is that so surprising?"

"I apologize for saying it is," Celly said, "Does the local Celestia know?"

"Oh yes," Discord said angrily, "I published it in the Canterlot Times, so the whole world knows. What do you think? I never went to the extents that those ponies did to each other. Yet I end up in stone and they are 'my little ponies'. Yes I was rougher and scarier than they were, but I never extorted food, and left ponies to homeless and starving as government policy, and I certainly didn't whistle up a force to genocide all races of ponies."

"I was just curious," Celly admitted quietly.

"Well, to satisfy your real curiosity, he likes teasing, as long as it doesn't embarrass him in public, and it doesn't hurt anyone he cares about. A challenge, but don't play hot and cold the way Princess Luna has, he really doesn't need to be confused about people he cares about. In fact, I think he's kind of sweet on Celestia, you know how charming you can be," Discord said and got Celly to fetchingly blush, "So be subtle, but be clear, and then . . . "

" 'Then'?" Celly asked.

Discord shook his head, "Not Safe for Woona," he explained.

The miniaturized Lunar Diarch gave a frustrated snort. "Just because I look like I'm a foal doesn't mean I'm a foal."

"Yes," Discord said, his chin on his paw as he stared at Celly, his head and paw orbiting her, "That might be a problem for a while, him reciprocating, that shouldn't stop you from trying. Laying, a foundation as it were."

The tractor beam from Tom dragged Discord away. "Pardon us. Ladies," Tom said graciously, then faced Discord. "What are you doing?" he whispered fiercely, "She's emotionally vulnerable, and so is he. The local Celestia is conflicted because of her fears, but this newcomer was gifted by a total stranger with the return of her beloved sister. She has no conflicts."

"I did that on purpose," Discord said quietly, "Chaos is what I do."

Tom paused for a few moments, then nodded. "All right, granted. Well played. But if she's able to absorb power and internalize it more quickly than Luna did, and there's every reason to assume these two will, we'll lose our Everybody rating in a dozen or fewer chapters."

"Ah, got it handled," Discord said and glanced down, "Comments, comments, comments," he muttered as he scanned through them. "Ah, yes. Ahem, 'Have Luna bang something, anything!' And the author replied: 'With an Everyone tag, a drum is about the best you'll get.' Okay author-boy, lay it on me!"

Discord turned iridescent purple and his left side became a perfect mirror image of his right.

"GAAAAAH!" Discord screamed. And looked at himself in horror. "Okay, Mr. Author, sir, no strike that," Discord said.

"You don't know the author's a 'mister'," Tom warned.

"Ah, Dan_s Comments, would you be so good as to deliver what we discussed earlier?" Discord said politely, then whispered, "This guy's got a real mean streak."

"You've read the whole story, and you're just noticing that?" Tom asked incredulously.

An O-daiko appeared as Discord returned to normal.

"Here it is," Discord indicated the 30-foot tall by 30-foot long drum. "We can play hachijo-daiko style, you beating the beat, and I do the flourishes. Just about anything can be hidden behind that. And it'll be so loud even if she's screaming, 'I'm the cheese, my hair's the rubber cheese' at the top of her lungs, no one will hear."

Despite being a perfect, featureless sphere of uniform, matte gray, Tom projected the impression of a raised eyebrow and sardonic smirk.

"I don't know her mane and tail were prehensile!" Discord shouted.

" 'Rubber cheese'?" Woona asked her sister. The solar Diarch's blush tinged the scene red.

"I was drunk!" Discord shouted at his tormentors. Then looked at Woona. "She was very gentle." He turned to Tom. "It was only once."

"Your choice or hers?" Tom asked to prevent Discord from digging himself in deeper.

Discord sighed. "Look, I can appreciate you being 'snarkier than thou', but can you give it a rest? Please."

"No," Tom replied.

Discord and Celly cringed.

"You see, I have to make a mark on the audience. So when Discord, not just the little piece that is you, but the whole honking critter himself, makes his triumphal appearance, I have to have developed enough independent personality and character that I won't simply be absorbed."

"But I'm Discord, and so are you," Discord said.

"Both of us are discord, but only the gent in the Canterlot Gardens is Discord. You are permitted his name and you will integrate flawlessly within him. I was created by you, here. Think about that. A shadow of Discord's power created an exact duplicate, just as powerful as he was. You didn't divide your power between us. You created me ex nihilo, from nothing. Where did you get the power to do that?"

"From him," Celly realized, "He took the ambient energy here and created a duplicate of himself. But the forces weren't pure discord. You aren't as chaotic."

"I am equally chaotic, but I am less discordant. I have a slightly independent existence. I do not wish to be parted from Discord, as I am him, but I do not wish to be subsumed by him on his restoration. Therefore, I must exercise my self to strengthen and define it. Interdependency rather than dependancy or independence."

"What will happen if you aren't strong enough?" Woona asked worriedly as she approached the sphere.

"My self will be erased. The small amount of what I am may slightly effect Discord, but I will be gone," Tom said.

"Yes, I would like to keep you around," Discord said nervously, "And if I am a mirror of the original, he wouldn't want you destroyed either. Please continue." Discord wandered off, looking pensive and uncertain.

"What's bothering him?" Celly asked.

Tom and Woona looked at each other. "He just realized," they said.

"He had a child, and never realized that was what he did," Woona said.

"I hadn't considered the possibility until recently," Tom admitted, "I thought I was an evolved piece of Discord. The lessons seemed patently obvious to me. If the power that was teaching those lessons was what allowed me to exist, it is not hard to imagine why I'd have insight into its thinking and life-philosophy." Tom looked around. "Since you can talk to him, you might want to ask his waking mind to enter his dreams. He will tell you whether he is comfortable with it or not. Excuse me, I don't think Discord should be alone right now."

Tom floated away, leaving the stunned ponies to consider.

I have no idea why I'm doing this, Celly thought as she nosed open the door to Discord's private quarters. I should be enjoying the exact suffering and uncertainty he inflicted on so many others. But I can't. She looked around and the sparsely furnished space. The windows all showing different weird scenes, and Discord sitting in a chair that while hard to imaging as a functional chair, seemed to fit him perfectly.

"Come to laugh at me?" Discord said as he stared at a plastic disc smaller than a plate, but larger than a saucer. It was vaguely shiny, but Discord wasn't using it as a mirror.

"No," Celly said, "Tom said he'd come, then his nerve broke. 'Woona' is looking after him."

"So, come to see how I'm doing?" Discord said. He shook his head, and laughed mirthlessly. He got ready to throw the disc, but stopped, and carefully put it away in a small, padded case. "It was easier, before. Before I knew all this. I'd do something, and I wouldn't care what happened, as long as nobody was killed, it didn't matter. I'd create a duplicate of me, and when I was done, poof, back inside. Now."

He turned to face her. He looked confused and contrite. "Now. Tom isn't exactly me. I don't want to lose him. This Big Guy, I could squash him like a bug. I could give a kick here, a shove there and he'd fly to pieces like an exploding boiler." He stared at Celly. "But I don't want to. I want to prevent those things from happening." He turned away. "Having a world without them wouldn't be as much fun. Easier, less lecturey and naggy, but less fun."

Celly walked up to him. "Is that why you rescued Luna, and me?"

"Please, I didn't rescue you. I picked you and Luna to rescue him. Everything he did, he did under his own steam. I just pointed the way to reach you. The instant he knew about Sombra, he was all himself. I just stood back and watched."

"Like watching an artist paint a picture you commissioned?" Celly asked.

"Yes." Discord smiled. "That seems very like it."

"You don't resent the creation, you don't envy him and you are learning," Celly said and tried to keep from grinning. "Discord, you have a friend."

He turned and frowned at her. "Princess Celestia," he said scornfully, "I figured that out when he gave me the show which is on that disc. When he gave me this chair and this private space. All without me asking. Giving me the power to create Tom. That's what's bothering me, your Highness. I've been creating new life with my teacher. Not some critter made of random parts of things that existed before. A true fusion never done before. I'm a father, or a mother, or whatever. What he let me do, is have to take responsibility. He didn't stop me, he probably didn't know what I was doing, and he certainly hasn't scolded me or forced me to delete Tom. He hasn't demanded I don't create more. I always wanted to be an artist. A true purveyor of Chaos. My teacher asked if I wanted to be an inflictor, an advocate, an enjoyer, or some combination. I didn't know. But now I created my masterwork, completely on a whim." His hand moved to the case and retrieved it. He held it on his chest and stared. "And now I find out that it is impermanent. That something I created and want to continue, is threatened. And there is nothing I can do to save him."

"It's hard," Celly said, "I think I will feel as you do, when the reality of Nightmare Moon's and Sombra's last battle hits me. Nearly all my ponies gone, and all I feel is joy that my sister is returned. They deserve to be remembered and mourned. By today, I feel only joy." She looked at Discord. "You have discovered the reason ponies fear and hate Chaos. Some things they want to go on forever. Some things they want stopped never to return. Chaos means they get neither of those. Too much order and they never can get out of the rut they are in." She took each step closer to Discord with growing trepidation.

I know he'll do something, she thought, But what? If this isn't all just an act? What did Tom say 'danger invites rescue'?

"I'm not going to do something stupid Celly. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you aren't as interesting as the native Celestia. She and I have a history, that perhaps you and the Discord from your world do not."

" 'My hair is a rubber cheese'? I think not," Celly said and got close enough to brush the tears from Discord's face off with a wing. "But thank you for your part of rescuing my sister, even secondhand. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but everything changes."

"I don't want this to change," Discord admitted, "There I said it. And when the main me does break lose, will there be time to keep from assimilating him?"

"I don't have an answer, I don't know how it will work. One possibility is send him far away when the assimilation takes place. The delay may make it more controllable."

"Thank you. Oh, one of the dreams that I let Celestia, Luna and Trixie share with him, I changed them. This is how the native Celestia looked and felt."

"Oh, my," Celly commented as she tried to get used to the new balances and bend points of her bipedal form. "This is the adult version I take it? Soft and lumpy?"

"Yes. Celestia was the most forward, but nothing ever came of it. Every opportunity that presented itself, she'd never take the last step. I think she is genuinely terrified of him at a fundamental level."

"So, the local Luna is more interested?" Celly tried taking a step, Discord caught her hand before she could tumble over. "Thank you. This is very strange."

"She runs hot and cold. She's very picky about her dignity, and she also seems to want to step aside for her sister, or not approach because her sister is afraid of him. I honestly think she's just as terrified."

"Why?" Celly asked, utterly mystified.

"Because he beat most of the villains of Equestria, roped me in, and has all this new technology and no doubt new social ideas. He could potentially be worse than me if I returned to the old ways."

"Zap him with the Elements," Celly said, "Please change me back. I'm getting vertigo."

He gestured and she was a filly again. "He took a point blank hit from the Elements, they just knocked him unconscious, but that might have been fatigue. He's more fragile than most ponies. She could easily have one of the guard just buck him a few times. After the first solid hit, he'd be too damaged to evade the next dozen or so."

"I don't think she'd murder someone like that," Celly said.

"Just pointing it out. Now a few of the things Celly did, and I wasn't teasing you about teasing him. He likes a playfulness, but at the same time be direct. If you incite the game, mean it. If you run away, it's because you want to be caught. He'll take 'no' for an answer, just never expect him to ask again. He'll assume 'no' is always the answer."

"How did he manage to have children like that?" Celly asked.

"His wife was direct, and that's a subject I wouldn't broach at all. She's out of the picture, when, how and why is not something I've found evidence of in my travels, so it's a tightly guarded secret."

"Understood."

Chiquitita - Abba
Songwriters: Benny Goran Bror Andersson, Bjoern K. Ulvaeus, Marcelo Kotliar

17) Oh What a Tangled Web

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Oh What a Tangled Web

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 27

Pinkie stood in the Big Guy's house and looked up at all the books, and considered what they were all about. Her eyes fell on one, very large book. Plain leather cover, gold letters she couldn't read were embossed on the spine. It was thinner than some of the other books, but it was taller and wider than any of the others. But all the different colors and styles of bookmarks drew her attention. It's like party streamers, she thought and slid the ladder over to go up and collect it, A book like that shouldn't be high up on a shelf where nopony can see it, she thought as she carried it down and set it on the coffee table. She opened it in the middle of one of the more heavily bookmarked sections. Then she stopped, and stared.

"What are they doing?" she wondered at the lavish illustrations, and the photographs. There weren't a lot of words, and even she could make out the words were mostly telling a reader which pictures went together. She paged through the book, slowly. It's an . . . instruction manual? she wondered, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry, Wouldn't they already know how to do this? Most ponies know automatically. We may be awkward about it, but if we didn't know, no foals.

Then it hit her. It's an advanced instruction manual, when a husband and wife, or just a pair of special someponies wants to go beyond instinct.

"Oh . . . my."

Pinkie whirled and found Derpy and the filly Celestia had been looking over her shoulder for some time while she'd paged through the book.

She closed it behind her back while smiling at the blushing Derpy, and the apparently-too-young-to-be-seeing-those-kind-of-pictures-even-of-aliens Celestia. She returned the book hurriedly to its original place, dropped off the invitations, and ran from the house.

"I'm just wondering if it's okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?" he heard whispered quietly into his ear. Said ear received a lick normally reserved for a melting ice cream cone.

"I'm awake," he shouted as he sat bolt upright in bed. He looked around at the grinning ponies, especially Lyra's friend Bonbon handing Lyra a few bits. "What's so all fired important?" he demanded.

"You were going to sleep through dinner, and neither Lyra, nor Trixie could wake you up," Celly admitted, "Besides you smelled so good, I thought . . . "

"Great, I'm dealing with a thousand-year-old equine Lolita. Am I robbing the cradle, or are you robbing the grave?" he asked grumpily, "There's got to be another reason, I've missed meals before, it isn't fatal."

"You not waking up when someone shouted at you would be a good reason," Celly said, and pouted cutely, blinking her puppy-dog eyes. "We were worried about you."

"Let me guess, the restaurant won't serve you unless I'm with you," He said.

"That's a very cynical attitude," Celly sounded deeply disappointed.

"Fine, let me get a shower, and I should strip the bed and let it air while we're out," he said as he stood and made his way to the edge of the bed. He paused before he put his feet on the floor. I'm forgetting something, he considered, then spotted his undershirt across the room. He was still wearing his briefs. He stared at Celly, who tried to look even more cutely soulful. Good grief, he thought.

Fortunately, Woona just rolled her eyes at her sister's antics.

Do I mention the trick Discord did with Luna, Celesta and Trixie? No, keep that to myself, he thought as he collected a change of underwear, The last thing I need is an adult, human female acting as coquettish as Celly is.

He closed the door in the faces of the following ponies and cleaned off the dirt, sweat and grime of the past few days. When he'd finished, he stood before the mirror over the sink. He stared at the salt-and-pepper hair and beard. And they wonder why I think I'm dead. I was last in this good shape in my late thirties. An old fart like me should be wondering about 'did I take my pills' not fighting a running battle for eleven miles. He shook the thought away and started shaving. He noted the pony faces outside the bathroom window. The blinds blocked off nearly the entire view, and there was some scuffling at the few places where they could peer inside.

Too late, he thought as he opened the door, and saw the entire contingent waiting outside that door. He glanced back at the window. Duh, they can teleport, he reminded himself.

"Won't hunting in this area bother some of the locals?" he asked the Apples.

"As I understand it, they serve a critter nopony will miss," Johnny said.

"Hmm, Jonathan Swift lives, applied to government bureaucrats no doubt," he said.

The ponies stared at him in confusion.

"Very dark joke," he explained.

"Dear Princess Celestia," Pinkie dictated to Spike in the library, "It has come to my attention that our mutual friend is in dire need of a book."

"Pinkie," Spike said, "Twilight will be back in a half-an-hour, I'm sure she could get the book for you. Or I could look it up."

Pinkie briefly considered. Twilight and books had been synonymous in her mind. But with what she was requesting, that assumption died a messy and hopeless death on the shores of logic. The idea of telling Spike or worse Twilight that the library was actually missing a book would have been a disaster. Especially that book, she considered.

"No Spike," Pinkie said, "Better to keep her out of it." She considered briefly. "I don't want her to spoil the surprise."

"How is she gonna tell him about a book anyway?" Spike asked suspiciously.

Pinkie only grinned. "Anyway. The copy I have, is Canterlot registry 456-3214006, and the owners are quite happy with it. But the book I need is a more lavishly illustrated version, pictures, diagrams, etc. I also require an equally well-illustrated and diagramed book that could serve as a basic instruction manual. New paragraph."

"Also, I will be including stickers of Derpy and Lyra who seem eager to work with this new, uh, line of enquiry." She grinned at that avoidance of the obvious. "And I wondered if Princess Luna would care to include a sticker to accent her interest in pursuing these studies."

"Signed, Pinkie Pie."

Spike finished writing and dispatched the letter. Only then did Pinkie relax.

"You're awfully tense about an instruction manual," Spike observed.

"I realized he had instruction manuals. And if we provided one from our side, everyone would be happier!" Pinkie said.

"Okay Pinkie," Spike said as he stared at her, "You didn't eat some funny cupcakes, did you?"

"Nope, just thinking about how to help my friend. Bye Spike!" Pinkie left hurriedly.

This is like watching a tennis game, Blueblood thought as Princess Celestia and Blueblood's mother volleyed thinly disguised insults, Time to throw some poo into the volleying.

"Certainly our regiment, under our family's command was at least as important as the rather trivial discretion about the newcomers," his mother said, and smiled pleasantly at their ruler.

Princess Celestia remained unperturbed as she sipped her tea. She considered the comment carefully, as she prepared to deliver her devastating rejoinder.

"Would inviting them to the Grand Galloping Gala without having them at a proper Canterlot party be a good idea?" Blueblood asked, "Especially considering what happened last time the Big Guy was at an upper crust party." He chuckled nervously, then fell silent as his mother rolled her eyes. He shifted his apparent attention to the untouched tea in front of him.

"What a wonderful idea," Celestia said happily. "Aren't you having your regimental dinner in a few days? I'm certain that it will be a wonderful event to welcome our new friends."

I could slap her with a dead fish and not get that expression, he thought as his mother dealt with getting such an honor, a much greater one than she'd been fishing for and definitely not the one she'd been building her case for.

The venomous glare he received meant he'd be getting the cold shoulder from the entire family for the next weeks. Something he was eternally grateful for. "Sorry," he offered to her, to no avail, her glare intensified.

"I'm certain you can arrange something," Celestia said happily, staring triumphantly at the smaller mare.

"As your Highness wishes," she ground out, and glared at her son again.

"How are they going to read the invitation?" he asked morosely, "We don't know if they read Equestrian, or whatever his language is."

Princess Celestia then considered deeply. "I'm sure someone will translate for them. If you'll excuse me," she said and walked out.

He grinned at his mother.

"You simpering idiot, now we have to honor those interlopers," she said, "If you'd just stayed silent, we wouldn't have to even acknowledge their existence."

"I didn't realize," he offered.

"You never think. Leave the thinking to us who've been doing it for years," she hissed at him.

How much closer have you gotten? he wanted to ask, You do realize that in this case, second place is just the first loser.

He whimpered slightly and bowed his head, until she swept from the room in a flying sneer.

He sat at the table. Only Celestia's tea had been sampled and she hadn't even commented on it. He sniffled a bit as he looked at the remains of what in other circumstances would have been a very pleasant tea party. One of the servants approached, setting a cup of cocoa in front of him, and clearing away the tea. Before it gets cold, at least someone will enjoy it, he thought and sipped the cocoa. It was perfect, as it always was.

"Claret, isn't it?" he asked the maid. He always got the names right, but always acted as if it were a lucky guess.

"Yes, your Highness," she said tolerantly, and gave a proper bow.

"There's a letter to Starlit Circlet, see to it that it is discretely delivered," he said, turning on his considerable charm.

The maid gobbled a bit, but picked up the letter and headed out. The tea momentarily forgotten. Blueblood grunted, and then moved it himself to the small kitchenette, leaving it for the other servants. To clean up after they'd drunk the exquisite tea.

Princess Celestia received the letter and unfurled it with expectation and a certain amount of joy. At times I envy Twilight, and her friends, she glanced around the throne room at the ponies, none of who would ever be her friends, for fear or because they were too wrapped up in their own agendas.

She read through Pinkie's missive, and briefly considered sending the books, when she got them, with extra copies, directly to Twilight. She snorted, most unladylike, at the thought of her student devouring those books as she devoured any other book Celestia had even suggested she read.

No, I can't do that to poor Twilight, she thought as she scanned the available courtiers to give the task to. Her eyes fell on Cheery Rose, and the young mare visibly perked up.

No, I can't do that to her, Celestia thought, then her eyes fell on Cunning Ruler, a stallion about town. Or so he thinks, let's see.

"Ruler, a friend is looking for a book, a more well illustrated version of Canterlot registry 456-3214006, and an equally well illustrated but more basic instruction manual on the same subject. I'm sure you'll find what is needed."

The stallion with the wooden ruler cutie mark took down the number with a bored expression, knowing mere book finding was beneath him.

"Highness," Cheery Rose said, enthusiasm overcoming her normal shrinking violet demeanor, "I studied library theory and I'm sure I can do the job!"

"Of course you can," Celestia said happily, "But I like handing out challenges. Ruler probably spent less time in libraries that you, so it'll be more fun."

Neither of the courtiers believed that.

I never said it would be fun for him, Celestia thought.

"Now, it's for a friend in need of help, so I expect they will be the very best you can find," she called out.

"Have I ever failed?" the cocky stallion said.

"No," she admitted, "I just wanted you to be extra thorough. It's for a dear friend after all."

He bowed as he left. Celestia's smile for the rest of the day was unforced.

Woona noted that Lyra and Bonbon had peeled off to return to a different house. She'd also noted the faint glow of the lone apple tree that marked where the alien property had landed. The Big Guy picked up something off the top of the brick structure that housed the mailbox. Some of the natives gasped on seeing the door, painted with a message. I recognize the letters, but the words are gibberish, she thought as the mares grimaced at the words painted on the door. He's ignoring it, she thought as he unlocked the door and led them in.

He remained outside for a moment before closing and locking the door behind them. He kept a wary smile as he led them to and through the real front door. The Apples stayed with the floor of the living room, although he'd collected a mattress and some bedding from the guest room. No one peeled off at the guest room and he continued towards the bedroom. Woona and Celly raced ahead to make the bed using their powers. He dropped off the hoof-sized object in the office before returning to bed.

Woona watched him wave the griffon towards the bed. But the griffon shook her head and smiled as she rubbed a cheek on the carpet.

I enjoy this surface, Woona considered as the little unicorn made sure she and Celly clustered around his feet to keep them warm. Kid's sense of duty exceeds most guardspony's.

There was some small scuffling, but eventually all of them settled. Woona didn't sleep. I've slept a thousand years, staying up late one night won't kill be, she thought as she watched and with half-a-third-eye, watched the dreams.

Trixie's dream was simple, she would go perform, amaze the crowds, and return to this idyllic existence. Woona nearly snorted at that. She can have her dreams, she thought.

Derpy's dream was hard to distinguish from their current existence, save that he was fluent, even eloquent in Equestrian, still loved her for her simplicity and directness, and the two of them raised Dinky and several other foals. How the foals arrived was also handled. If Celly wants him all to herself, she may have a fight on her hands. The simple mailmare may have figured out a trick or two that would triumph a goddess, Woona thought.

She glanced into her sister's dream just long enough to confirm what she feared. The Wild Hunt, again. I wonder, she thought as she extended her perceptions to Canterlot, She felt the mental defenses, but could hear the same rumblings. So, she too. Why hasn't her Luna done something? Well genius, what are you going to do for your own sister? Woona accused. Then she considered Discord, While I'm loathe to include him, he does seem taken with her. And perhaps a rescue is in order. Let him ride the pale horse against the Wild Hunt. Satisfied, and exhausted, she let slumber take her.

Eyes looked through the window for a moment. Hungry eyes, and were gone. But other eyes had watched them.

Day 28

Celly hadn't expected to be confronted when she woke in the middle of the night. Derpy looked her straight in the eye, as the illumination from Trixie's horn cast a soft light over all of them, but not enough to wake their host. Then she butted Celly with her head. From the other side, Dinky batted Celly's flank with her horn. When Celly moved from where the mother and daughter had prodded, the other one would prod her to reverse the change. As her temper shortened, they stopped and Derpy stared at the filly Diarch. She gestured at the Big Guy and shook her head, her expression one of motherly disappointment. Then she gestured to Dinky, who was patting a spot on the bed and looking delighted. Derpy got flank to flank with Celly, draped a wing over her and gently moved sideways. Celly knee-walked to the spot and Derpy 'released' her.

All right, it isn't strictly a dominance game, Celly realized, It's the Alpha mare teaching the newcomer how not to anger the stallion. But she just led the first successful 'revolt' against me in history, Celly thought with a grin as she looked at all the other mares, including Woona and Sveti, supporting Derpy's action.

Derpy had directed Dinky back to the Big Guy's feet, where Woona draped a wing over the filly as they snuggled together. Celly realized that Derpy did not want Dinky to 'hear' the rest of the lesson. The mare flipped up her tail, and glanced from Celly to the Big Guy with a raised eyebrow.

Celly's blush should have illuminated the room. She nodded, then stared at Derpy, and flipped up her own tail.

Derpy bowed her head slightly and nodded. She got on all fours and nodded towards him, then balanced on two legs while holding the bed post and tapped her chest.

She's as smitten as I am, but she wants him as a stallion, or herself as a mare of his species. Wait a moment. If she's carrying a fertilized ovum, then the species of the offspring will change with that of the mother during her shapechange. It would be dangerous with a full term pregnancy, but not soon after impregnation. That's actually fairly clever.

Derpy broke Celly out of her revery and pointed a hoof back to the Big Guy and the spot where she'd vacated. His arms moved slightly, as if trying to collect the body normally there. Celly blushed, but accepted the little push and the 'gift' of one of the favored places. She put her back to his chest and gasped slightly as his arms closed around her in his sleep. Celly glanced up and looked at the smirk on Trixie's face, watching the newcomer get used to the nocturnal habits. Trixie and Derpy settled back to return to sleep, but Celly felt the contact and the almost nuzzling as he rested himself against her.

If I feel good, why am I crying? Celly wondered as she felt the ponies around her, So I am not the untouchable one anymore. She stifled a sniffle and let her tears of joy fall.

Woona watched the 'Wild Hunt' in Celestia's nightmares. It's a good word for it, she thought of literally thousands of tightly packed horses led by dozens of Nightmare Moons chasing Celestia and a handful of ponies. I wonder if being part of the pursued with Celestia indicates her affection for those ponies.

Woona watched the winding terrain that the group looped through. Okay, I need to talk to Discord and the Big Guy, there has to be a way of dealing with this. I doubt my counterpart could do anything, not against such a terror. She looked at the intermittent clouds, and the dark starless skies above the open sky. Something needs to be done. Question is, will it inflame or reduce Celestia's wariness? Only one way to find out.

Woona made her way back through dreams to her resting place.

Derpy was nervous about breakfast. "Now Dinky, don't mention the door in school. Maybe it was a prank."

"I think it was Diamond Tiara," her foal insisted quietly, "She hates Applebloom, and with an apple tree on the grounds, that's a way to get Applebloom and the Crusaders in trouble."

Derpy wanted to deny it, but she'd watched the two 'queen bees' bully all the blank flanks at the school. Except Dinky, Derpy remembered having seen to that with Diamond's father.

"Unless you saw her, don't spread rumors," Derpy said. She pulled herself up to the counter to watch him cooking breakfast. Derpy noted that the Apples were up early, but the two princesses had slept in.

Not that I blame them, Derpy thought, After yesterday, I wouldn't blame them if they stayed asleep for a week.

The mushrooms, peppers, onions and shredded potatoes seemed more using the eggs as a binder, than making it an omelet. The Big Guy swatted Johnny Cake's hoof away as she approached with one of the jars out of the spice rack. He growled at her, and the Apple retreated, then he winked at Dinky who was also shying away. She giggled, telling Johnny it was just play. He served out some to Dinky and Derpy, then motioned Johnny over to let her season the remainder to her liking. He took the plates to the dining room table, Trixie, Derpy and Dinky following.

"Have you told him you're leaving?" Dinky asked.

Trixie's stricken look at her daughter's question told her that she hadn't. "Later," she admitted, "When I know what's my itinerary. I sent out a few feelers."

"You'll be getting your answers tomorrow, if they replied the day they got the letters," Derpy said.

"You memorized the time it takes mail to go from city to city?" Trixie asked.

"I have to know," Derpy replied, "People ask."

Trixie shook her mane out and enjoyed the breakfast. The plates that the Apples brought in smelled like they'd've set wooden implements on fire.

"I'm glad he didn't let you season all of it that way," Trixie said, "I prefer keeping my fire-breathing as a trick."

The Apples just stared at them and shrugged. They evidently recognized and reacted to the tone.

The Big Guy asked the Apples a question, which had the Apples stammering and looking around nervously. He looked at the others, wearing a huge grin, and waving his hand wildly over his head.

"I guess he asked if they were going to see Pinkie and the Cakes," Trixie said.

Derpy nodded. Dinky pushed back from the table and raced to pick up her school bag and her lunch and dashed out. A moment later she dashed back in, Derpy leaned down to nuzzle her foal.

"I love you," the foal said and raced back towards the door.

"I love you," Derpy called after her and sighed. "I'd better hurry and get to the post office." She rushed to the door, picking up her uniform and mailbag.

As she went through the door, she noticed the paint was again missing. She smiled at the thought of the Ponyvillians trying so hard to deal with one troublemaker. We need to deal with whomever it was.

Trixie watched him carefully clear the table and put the dishes in the dish cleaning machine. He's slower, more tired, she thought as he moved to collect a very strange collection of items. The portable cinema machine and a hoof-sized device she had no idea what it did. There were also a sheaf of papers and a bag of bits. He nodded for her to follow, leaving the alicorn fillies to sleep.

Trixie noted again that the paint had been removed overnight and he seemed to take no notice of the change.

It was early, but he obviously had a destination in mind. Trixie followed, wondering what could possibly have him so animated when she wanted to return home and join the alicorns in a few more hours of blissful slumber.

Quills and Sofas reared up in front of them and it seemed to be the Big Guy's destination. The clerk was just opening up, and seemed a bit nonplused by 'the Ponyville Monster' heading straight for him. He froze, which let Trixie and the Big Guy get into the store before he panicked and ran away. After a few moments of the frozen clerk standing in the doorway, the Big Guy grabbed the clerk's ears and steered him behind the counter. The Big Guy removed a sheet of paper with a picture of three fillies jumping up and down on a couch. Below were a broken couch circled in red with a red slash through it. Beside it was a couch still intact, bit a drawing of bits beneath it.

"You want one of our more durable models I take it," the clerk said.

"He understands very little Equestrian, so I'd show him the most durable models," Trixie explained.

Is he expecting Celestia and Luna to jump on the furniture? Trixie wondered, Even Dinky seems unlikely to do that.

There were three models that had 'filly-proof' tags. Bits were exchanged and the delivery would be at noon. The Big Guy nodded and proceeded to his next destination. Rich's Barnyard Bargains seemed an unusual place to head to considering that the house seemed to have ample supplies for the moment. Rather than head to the shopping area, the Big Guy headed towards the manager's small office and knocked on the door.

Filthy Rich himself answered the door, and seemed shocked to see the Big Guy waiting for him. The stallion was obviously cowed by the 'monster'. The Big Guy gestured that they should return to the office.

"Going to place a big order, and want to squeeze out a special discount," Rich said, "A hard bargainer, going right to the top. I can respect that."

The Big Guy had connected the white, hoof-sized object to the cinema machine with a cable, and quickly had an image of Mister Rich on the screen.

"Well, it's impressive, but I think that's a little beyond what I can sell in my store," the stallion said, "But if the price is low enough I'm sure -"

Pictures of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, outside the Big Guy's door, painting the 'Monster go home' message were given to Rich as the same images appeared on the screen. They were one set of several copies that the Big Guy had in the folder he'd brought out of his pack.

"I don't understand," Rich said as he looked at the grainy black and white photos. They weren't very good, but the tiara and the girls' faces did show up pretty clearly in a couple of the dozen or so prints.

"He's telling you that he knows who has been vandalizing his door, and that he expects you to put a stop to it," Trixie said, "It's also a clear warning that any further action can be caught on camera."

The Big Guy was packing away the white device that was the camera, and the movie player. He seemed to have decided that delivering the message concluded their business.

"I'm sure she's just going through a phase," Rich said, and blocked the door, "Certainly this doesn't have to go any further."

Unfortunately for him, the door opened outward. The Big Guy stepped over him and continued to the exit.

"Trixie suggests you talk to your daughter immediately," the showmare said. She used her horn to set the stallion outside his office, then cantered to catch up with the Big Guy. Once outside the emporium, the Big Guy headed straight for city hall.

"Trixie thinks you're taking this far too personally," she told him as he marched towards his destination. "Oh course the last thing you thought threatened the ponies you cared about, you summoned both princesses to vaporize it and spent several hours shooting at it, so I guess this is restrained."

There was a two-hour wait to see the mayor. The Big Guy settled in and fired up the movie machine. He began sorting through two sets of pictures to find pairs that matched. He'd then place the pictures and large blocks of text, Equestrian and his native tongue on the screen, and do something incomprehensible with it.

"Trixie is going to take a nap while you are doing your magics," the showmare said, and laid her head on his leg like it was a pillow and dozed off.

Celly had been just enjoying the freedom to gallop, and fly, without a hundred anti-fun functionaries worrying that she might damage a feather and be permanently disabled. If I was that fragile I wouldn't still be alive after a thousand years.

She chased Rainbow Dash around the skies, and shadowed Fluttershy for several minutes until the mare seemed to admit she'd known Celly was there all the time. Now she was enjoying the walk through town. And the shocked expressions, she thought as she approached the library, It all looks just like the Ponyville I remember. Can it really be so different? Aside from the language.

She entered the library, and called out Twilight's name. The bookish unicorn appeared, stunned at Celly's arrival, and began talking excitedly. She showed Celly the growing 'Monster to Equestrian' dictionary. Celly was amazed that the characters of written Equestrian were exactly what they were in her homeland. "Topaz," she said of the stone in the dictionary.

Spike politely corrected her pronunciation. Celly repeated what he'd said.

I guess the characters have a different sound, she thought.

Spike seemed confused, and repeated what he'd said. Celly said it back to him. This only made him more confused.

Twilight repeated the word highlighting the stressed and unstressed sounds. Celly repeated it back.

That's perfect as far as I can tell, she thought, and Twilight very reluctantly and nervously repeated herself.

Celly began to grow worried. I don't hear any difference, she thought, And Twilight is not that cruel a jokester.

The cameras he'd set up in the entry hall let him spot Celly walking in from Ponyville. As she approached the door to the house proper, her expression let his well-trained instincts predict: Slam, mild profanity, stomp stomp stomp, floomp, 'I hate my', he thought.

The door slammed. "Jesus H. Jumping Joker Christ! These ponies are morons!"

Okay, she can hear into the garage with the door closed, I've got to watch my languages. He felt rather than heard the hoof steps and was glad he'd replaced the human-made couches with Equestrian-built. Or the floomp of throwing herself on one would be followed by screams at having impaled something sensitive on the wrecked furniture. Too old to come running, so I'd better go to her, he thought, And 'kiddo' was so last week. They grow up so fast. He left his study and headed to the living room.

"What's wrong?" he asked the moping alicorn with the pillow under her chin.

"I can't speak the language. I can read it just fine, but even with Twilight's help I couldn't pronounce even the simplest Equestrian words. I couldn't even hear where I was making the mistake!"

Welcome to the club, he didn't say as he sat down on the couch beside her, She's bigger than she was last night. Almost to the size of Dinky. I guess she really is growing up fast.

"At least you can understand the written language," he said instead, "I don't even have that."

"It's not the same," she said, "and the kids have been teasing me," she said quietly, "Kidlestia is still a blank-flank! Don't they understand if I take my old cutie-mark I'm challenging the princess over control of the sun. She doesn't deserve that," Celly said.

"How do you know that's what they've been saying?" he asked.

"I heard it a few times, and repeated it to Twilight. Then practically had to threaten her to explain it."

"I think she respects you too much to be comfortable translating an insult."

"Yes, and they keep . . . " The sudden silence and her Cadence impersonation as her white color became an all-over pink told him a lot about what was really bothering her.

It's the 'Kid-lustia' that's bothering her. It's not like she hid making googoo eyes at me when we were out and about. And with Discord's near fury at it, I probably got it before she did. I can't imagine the gyrations Sparkle went through trying and failing to sugarcoat that one, he thought as she tried to disappear into the pillow under her chin, Ah the trials of a teenaged princess. I frankly don't know much more I could do to discourage her, short of throwing her out on her ear. I guess invoking the Westermark effect doesn't overwhelm the Florence Nightingale effect.

"Well, I think as you grow up, your new cutie mark will appear, and that should deal with the problem. Although you might want to actually talk to Celestia. She might not mind having someone to share the governing load with. I'm sure that part of her joy at returning her sister was being able to divide the oversight load, now she could divide it four ways."

She moved her head from the pillow to his leg, and wrapped her forelegs around it. "I guess I'm acting childish," she said morosely.

"Culture shock. You assumed everything would be the same, and it isn't. It's the subtle differences that get you."

She rubbed her chin on his leg and murmured, "Uh huh."

You'll outgrow being bothered by it, he thought, And you'll outgrow me. He laid a hand on her head and let her rest there a while. It seemed to have a quieting effect.

Woona yawned as the walked through the house. "You didn't wake me for breakfast, or lunch?" she complained, and the rumbling of her stomach didn't help.

The Big Guy looked up from the box he seemed to be wiring into a mare's nest of cables, wires and switches. "There's peanut butter in the cupboards with bread and jelly in the refrigerator, and I invited some others to show up for dinner and a show. I thought I'd show them something really frightening, but I needed to get the Betamax out of the office to show these tapes."

"I'm glad you know what you're talking about," Woona said, "So when is dinner?" Woona looked at Bonbon and Johnny Cake working together in the kitchen.

"About two hours," he replied.

"I'll get a sandwich," Woona said, she looked at her sister, lying on the couch, somehow combining moping with a near predatory interest in their host.

I thought only cats could do that, she thought as she headed towards the kitchen. She watched the pair working, avoiding stepping on each other, and neither said a word. In the dining room, Lyra and Trixie where holding a 'frank' discussion. Neither mare seemed pleased by the subject of the discussion. For not the first time, Woona wished, I wish I knew the language. Celly and the Big Guy might trust them. But there's too much about them that is so different. Can they have actually changed in just a thousand years? When they blundered in after having nearly frozen their races to death in their avarice and hatred, how much is forced by some 'Pax Celestia' and how much is them actually growing up? I wonder.

She enjoyed the sandwich, but did not enjoy the reaction of all the others to her eating peanut butter. "How oo oo g't tis stug off roof a yoo moth?" she asked desperately trying to loosen the glob, igniting another wave of giggles in the others. Her royal glare not having the desired effect on her subjects.

Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence arrived, early. Shining Armor accompanied them and looked very worried.

"What's the problem, BBBFF?" Twilight asked, she was trying to avoid looking at Celly.

I can't figure out if I should apologize, or just hug her, she thought of the 'translations' she'd provided, Her Equestrian isn't as muddy as his, but talking with them directly is going to be nearly impossible.

"Just thinking about who we left in charge. I hated having the job, but I think it would have been better if I stayed."

"It's just one night, Celestia and Luna will be back by midnight, who cold ruin Equestia in only a few hours?" Twilight chuckled at her brother's nervousness.

"You can't do this!" the elegant mare actually screeched. The sound filling the throne room with the proof of her impotent anger.

"But mumsy, you always taught me that a ruler must be firm with those governed," Blueblood said from the throne, resplendent in the regalia of the office, "And Les majesty is a serious crime."

The old mare struggled in the grip of the guards, but was well past the age where brawling would have been viable. "I'm your mother!"

"Ah, yes, it shall show I am fair and impartial," Blueblood said, "Take her to the dungeons. She'll be executed at the first light of morning," he said happily, "And I want her cell to have extra rats. Very important for dungeons, rats."

"I shall arrange it," Sir Eagle Bell replied and signaled a functionary to record the order. And some other poor functionary to chase down the requisite rat, one being an infinitely greater number than zero.

"Make sure no one mentions he'll be deposed at midnight, and we may make it out of here with our heads," Bell told the civil servants attending the night court.

"Ah, cousin Reg. I understand mumsy moved you ahead of me in the planned line of succession. Can't have you plotting against me. Boiling oil, first thing in the morning. I'll make an especially special effort to wake early."

"Your most sublime and serene Highness, you needn't trouble yourself so on my behalf. Sleep in, you deserve it. Loll away in bed until lunch, if that would please you."

"Everyone thinks I am some layabout lazybones. I shall prove them all wrong. First light of the morning. In you go. I'll even have a lid put on, so you can scream and wail and not disturb anyone."

"You're too kind," the stunned stallion said as the guards escorted him away.

"Ah, grandfather!" Blueblood said happily, "You always said I'd never amount to anything. You made me listen to all your lectures about it. Now I am not merely King, but Emperor, king of kings. What should I do with you? Something appropriate."

"If you're going to kill me," the old stallion challenged and sneered at all the soldiers and trappings of power around him, "Why don't you do it yourself? Not hiding behind this farce."

"Sir Bell, I'm sorry, your majesty Bell, king of the civil service," the frivolous tone fell away, and the gaze from Blueblood made the old stallion quail, "Is it permitted for an Emperor to, well, do it himself?"

"Frightfully bad for morale and public image if one does it poorly," Eagle Bell soothed, and gave a glare of his own to the old stallion, "We do have trained professionals. It is what we pay them for."

"It's a union thing, isn't it," Blueblood whined, "It's always a union thing. I know, I'll have them abolished!"

"First thing in the morning?" Eagle Bell asked.

"Yes, clean sweep, first thing in the morning," Blueblood said, "And have him hung by his heels. That way he can lecture on and on."

"First thing in the morning, yes," Eagle Bell said, "If it please your Imperial Highness, there are a very large number to go. We could handle this administratively."

"No, thank you, your Highness," Blueblood bowed to the stallion, "This really is the thing one must do with one's own hooves, "Blueblood sighed. "Ah, cousin Marigold, I understand you ran off again. And I think it needs an appropriate punishment. Good, that first-class ruffian Railroad . . . something, is in the line. Your Majesty Bell, drag those two to the wedding chapel. Having them legally married is the most hideous punishment for both of them I can think of. Having to live with the lash of her tongue and his insolence is almost more than I can take."

"First thing in the morning?" Bell asked.

"Now, your Majesty, right now," Blueblood said chidingly and glared at them, "What do you think of that?"

The pair saw Bell urging patience and silence. They bowed low and let the guards drag them away.

"Is it, too cruel, and too capricious?" Blueblood asked.

"The king must know what is good for the kingdom. An Emperor, even more so," Bell offered.

"Yes. True. Ah you two scamps. Do you remember when I was five and you stole my skates, on my birthday, and I said I'd get you for it," Blueblood asked as he giggled and rubbed his hooves together, "Guess what?!"

I know I told them this was frightening, he thought, But that shouldn't have them this agitated. He thought as he glanced over the collection. The Apples, all of them, were sitting together on the large couch. Sweetie Belle and her sister were there, sandwiching Scootaloo, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash between themselves and the Apples. Twilight's family and future family were in a small knot together. All four Diarchs were together, and had placed Fluttershy among them. Derpy, Trixie and Dinky were holding his chair, while the griffons and Glory's kitchen team were holding the other end of the 'line'. Lyra and Bonbon were curled up in front of the couches in a miniature pony pile. Both looked extremely quiescent compared to the previous day's snappishness.

The wired remote in his hand he took his seat among the ponies. Ah, an interesting night of pony watching.

"You are incredibly cruel," Discord said, "I like it, but will they?"

No experiment is without risk. They've got some food in them, now to 'der tag'. He hit the button. The screen fuzzed, and the tail end of a commercial for a fast food joint that no longer existed on Earth played. Once it was over,

"My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Isn't the world a lovely place?
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Everywhere you go, a smiling face
Running and skipping; merrily tripping
Watching the morning unfold
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
What does the future hold?"

Equine jaws, human speaking and not dropped in near unison.

"No sign of trouble in sight
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
May all your days be bright
May all your days be bright"

"Twilight?"

I hate that machine, Twilight thought as she trudged down the main road of Ponyville. Her grim expression and head down posture warned everypony not to trouble her without good reason, It shows the most difficult realities. Are we just their creation? Is that why he can do all those things? But if he is/was the Creator, why won't he talk to us? If he isn't, how did they know about us? Even the poor version we saw. What are we to do? A whole other completely alien planet, even got Celestia's address for her subjects correct. Or does he think he's dead in the afterlife because he's in a distortion of a child's cartoon?

"Twilight?"

Why did he have to get out an ancient machine and those dust-covered tapes just to be able to show us this? Is he going to be in trouble, or was that what all his suffering and fighting were about, as an offering to higher-powers to let us see that? He seemed to want everypony there. Humans and ponies working and fighting together? Could we do the same if we understood his language? Or did our ancient ancestors create humans to fight our battles? He seems so kind and oddly honorable, yet so deadly. I can see him standing up to Celestia herself, 'For the Honor of the Regiment' indeed. Does that relate to the book Rarity got from him?

"Egghead?"

Did the ancient pony kingdoms meet humans, then create our own to fight our wars? Is he from those ancient kingdoms? Thrust forward not from another place, but from another time? I can't imagine him following the orders to slaughter like the texts talk about the battles evolving into. Sneaking directly into the leadership and assassinating them, yes, killing all those civilians, no. Maybe that's what really happened. He's really one of what the 'Windingos' were. Created creatures, who all rebelled against their creators and drove them out to wander. To force us to learn about friendship, as they had.

"Twilight?"

"Sugarcube?"

That explains our technology, and his. If he came from those ancient kingdoms. Our servant race must have leapt ahead of us in technology. That's what enabled them to overcome the magic our ancestors must have used to control them. Our current powers must be just a pale shadow of those ancient magics. That's why they didn't fear Discord and why he didn't, they were too strong for him, Twilight thought, Oh what we must have lost in that great war and migration! Then why is he here? Has he returned to teach us new technologies and antebellum magic, and important lessons in friendship? Twilight perked up at that thought, Then I have to be even more diligent, pay even closer attention. I have to -.

"TWILIGHT!" Spike and Rainbow Dash shouted in chorus, finally penetrating her funk.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Are we going to walk all the way to Canterlot?" Spike asked, "We passed the library a while ago."

"Ah, no," Twilight said and reversed direction, "Rainbow, what did you think of what we saw?"

"Eh," Rainbow said and wing shrugged, "It was, so girly."

"I thought it was kinda sweet," Applejack said

"That's because you've got a crush on that human girl," Rainbow teased.

"Most level-headed of the bunch. It's not like I'd be that klutzy pony with the apple cutie mark," Applejack shot back.

Twilight looked at her friends. "Were you all following me?"

"Oh course, you walked out and were all 'zombie pony'," Pinkie said and exaggerated Twilight's look, "We had to keep an eye on you. If you decided to eat somepony's brians."

"Brains."

"See!" Pinkie exclaimed. Twilight facehoofed. Pinkie shook her head.

"I wouldn't be eating, I might be switching," Twilight admitted, "Pinkie what did you think?"

"Avocados have pits that are too big, and the duck-billed platypus," Pinkie said, deeply considering.

"About the show," Rarity amended, "I think it was aimed more at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, than us. Although many of the characters were rather charming."

"Needed more parties," Pinkie said, "Or a whole show about parties!"

"Pinkie," Twilight corrected, "Even you would get bored with a show about having parties. Now an instructional show about how to throw parties, that would have you effectively riveted to the floor."

"With real rivets," Pinkie agreed.

Twilight let that go. "I mean, do you think that that's something that happened in the past, or did they make it up completely?"

"From the future, definitely," Pinkie said.

"Why would he have come from the future?" Twilight asked.

"No, the show comes from the future, he's from a different world," Pinkie said, "Just like the other newcomers, after all why would they speak the same language? The stories, must come from a time after the Princesses, and after all our enemies are gone."

Twilight stared at the ground. "I never even considered that. That he and what he showed are from different times."

"Maybe," Pinkie offered,

" 'Maybe'?" Twilight asked fearfully.

"Maybe," Pinkie added anxiously.

" 'Maybe?'" the others added, leaning towards Pinkie in expectation.

"He's from next Thursday," Pinkie replied.

"We deserved that," Applejack commented as she shook her head,

"No one deserved that," Rarity said, "But Twilight does bring up a good point. Is that what he's basing his assumption of pony culture on? That villain was very similar to our Tirek. The other villains in that series might give us some clues to our prehistory."

"Series?" Rainbow asked.

"He pulled one box out of a larger box with a dozen similar boxes, and we went through maybe a third of the reel that was inside the box. That means there's several hours, possibly days of recordings. All of them had the same logo on them."

"Several, hours?" Twilight asked excitedly, "Think of what could be learned!"

"You might do better once you understand the language," Rainbow said, "It was easy to guess what was going on, but that's all we were doing. I think the whole idea that they got the idea from us, or we're based on that, a little weird. I mean no Wonderbolts, no Princesses, no Elements of Harmony. It's like a kiddie show version of our lives without any of the important stuff."

"Hate to admit it, Twi," Applejack said, "But she's right. Nopony having to work for anything. Even Discord had a reason ta do his stuff. That villain jist wanted ta see ponies suffer."

"That might be reason enough," Rarity said, "We have our own home-grown bullies."

"You won't know until you ask him," Fluttershy added, "So maybe you should try and develop a way to ask him." She glanced around and smiled. "It might also have been a prank on all of us."

Celestia was back in her throne room, and seemed to be competing for the longest facehoof in history. "How many ponies are in the dungeons awaiting execution?"

"Eight-hundred and twelve," the recently demoted Sir Eagle Bell happily reported.

Shining Armor was looking over the list. "Highness, if you could just sleep in tomorrow," he suggested.

"Shining Armor," Celestia said sharply, with more than a few overtones of 'don't tempt me.' She glared at her head of the civil service. "And you went along with it."

"Only as far as the actions existed unrealized. There is a grave distance between being sentenced to death, and meeting the axpony yourself. As long as it remained a vague potential, I was content to serve the legitimate government."

"Don't remind me, and thank you for not saying 'I told you so'," Celestia said tiredly, "Let them go."

"I'm afraid I can't, without a pardon. They were tried according to the laws of the land, and while we have backed those laws out of the books of jurisprudence, they were legitimate for the time they were implemented." The civil servant handed over a document. "Your hoof print. A blanket pardon, for all of them, for all crimes for which they stand to meet the darkest pony."

Celestia stamped it. Let the clerks clean her hoof before she marched over to have a long talk with Blueblood over proper reigning, versus rulership.

Armor motioned Eagle Bell to a more secluded spot. "You do realize she can revoke that pardon, in whole or in part, at any time?"

"Why do you think I went along with the little wanker's tantrum?" the senior civil servant asked the Captain of the Royal Guard.

The two ponies most responsible for guarding Celestia's flanks nodded in unified agreement.

"Think of it," Lyra crowed as she raced around excitedly, "We could make a series of cartoons, about their world, about ponies living and working together with them!"

"Yes Lyra," Bonbon said patiently as she stowed the breakables around their house.

"It would show our ancient history, our shared development, even our path into the future!"

"Yes, Lyra," Bonbon said as her roommate practically chased her own tail in excitement.

"We could call it My Little Human! We could make humans with long, brushable hair, like the human in the show!"

"Lyra," Bonbon made one last attempt to calm her roommate down.

"Oh, oh I'm missing something." Lyra whirled around frantically.

You'll forgive me in the morning, Bonbon thought.

Bonbon explained, "We could give them different outfits, so little ponies could dress them, for work, for play, for going to parties. We could have houses, like the Big Guy's, that open up so they could have fun inside. We could have vehicles, the Big Guy has two large ones. We could also have their pony friends with brushable manes and tails, and make the brushes and combs fit in the humans' hands."

Lyra was pronking in one spot on pure excitement.

Bonbon went in for the kill. "We could even set up fan-magazines where ponies could post their own stories about being friends with humans, having adventures with humans, having adult adventures." Bonbon waggled her eyebrows at Lyra who was becoming a blur of vertical motion. "And even stories about becoming human. Imagine a cinema about ponies going to the human world, as humans."

"Eep," Lyra said, her eyes rolled up in her head and she collapsed unconscious.

Bonbon sighed. "The things I do for my excitable roommate." She dragged some of the bedding off their bed and covered Lyra with it, before climbing in and snuggling with her happily dreaming marefriend.

Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle sat atop the bed in the middle of Sweetie Belle's room, back to back, with all the lights on.

"You don't think that Tirek's gotten loose do you?" Scootaloo asked as she watched to see if the shadows were getting bigger.

"I'm sure the Big Guy will get him if he did," Applebloom suggested.

The chime from the door downstairs was answered by three filly shrieks. The thunder of hooves announced Rarity's charge and arrival. She looked at the three friends hugging each other and shivering in the middle of Sweetie Belle's bed. She smiled.

"Wouldn't it be safer to hide under the bed?" Rarity teased. "I mean it's not like there's, eek!"

The fillies shrieked.

"Boo," Rarity said quietly, "Oh, are you ready for a ghost story?"

"NO!" the crusaders said.

"There was a ferocious, filly-eating monster." Rarity took a step towards the trembling Crusaders. "And one day it wandered into Ponyville." Another step. "It selected three silly fillies." Another step towards the whimpering trio. "And was about to have them all up in one bite, when . . . " She whispered in Sweetie Belle's ear.

"When?" the trio wailed.

"The Big Guy ate him and they got cutie-marks in being scaredy-cats, the end. Now turn off the lights and go to sleep," Rarity flipped the switch as she left.

"Do you think it's safe?" Scootaloo asked as she scanned the darkness around them.

"Yeah, the princesses and the Big Guy would get any monsters," Applebloom said.

"We're just being silly, and tomorrow's a school day," Sweetie Belle said.

"Right," Scootaloo said. And the three of them were shivering under the covers an instant later.

The shivering pony pile seemed more numerous and more active as none of them wanted the 'pillow/bolster' spot, and even Sveti the griffon was in the bed hanging on for dear life. I didn't think it was that scary, he admitted to Discord and Tom.

"Existential dread," Tom provided, "They are terrified of you being swept away, or that you will lose yourself to darkness. Or that was your childhood. I refuse to work out how that was possible, unless you only had hand-me-downs and older sisters."

How is that existential dread? he asked.

"They are ponies," Tom replied inside his head.

He briefly considered that. No, not going to ask. I've decided I like my sanity too much, he thought.

"Over rated," Discord said.

I'll let you go look up one instance in particular if you think sanity is overrated, he replied.

"I looked at that one. I hope you don't have something worse," Discord replied, "What I don't understand is . . . no, I don't even want to know."

"See, he can learn from wise examples," Tom said happily.

Discord gave him a bilabial fricative.

"Simply put," Tom explained, "Ponies are more reflections and refractions of the people around them than humans are. No pony could ever be a Nietzschian Ubermensch. The rules and expectations of others are too important to them."

Expectations of others, he thought, I'll have to remember that. So ponies are in part reflections of the ponies around them, interesting. Might explain why the Princess is so freaked out by me. If 'humanity', as they assume it to be, is infectious.

"More like why 'Celly' wants a quadralabial fricative," Discord pointed out, "She's desperate to 'save' you. This little movie won't help your case." There was silence among the conversants. "What, no teasing about 'how'd I know that'?"

I know enough not to tease you about Celestia, he replied, But I'll take your advice to heart.

"I don't understand your resistance," Tom said, "She's very nice."

Same reason doctors don't take advantage of their patients, he replied.

The two fell silent, and the susurrations of the ponies had fallen off as well. The occasions whimper sounded, but nothing major.

Day 29

Blueblood knew that technically, his banishment didn't start until sundown, but he wanted to be out of Canterlot before sunrise. He'd paid the staff a month's wages, and gave them references that were cleverly enough written that they didn't break kayfabe, but extolled their diligence and dedication in the face of exacting and demanding service. He was walking through the caverns under Canterlot, with a few changes of clothes and some tools. I'm decked out more like Sangbleu than Blueblood, he thought happily, I wonder if mumsy and Aunt Celly ever realized how much I wanted to go out, travel and look at other places. I wonder if Trixie needs an assistant who can turn invisible? He chuckled at that, but kept hiking.

The house in the middle of the cavern was oddly welcoming. Even the setting moonlight gave it a warm aura. He sighed and considered what he could do to 'earn his bread'.

There were no lights in the house. Too early, especially after the late night, well, there's some caverns around here I always wanted to look into. Now that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, he thought, It seems like the time.

"Two hundred and six letters?" the Big Guy gasped as he fixed breakfast for the others, oatmeal this time.

"Oh course," Woona said, "Not counting the punctuation marks."

"How many are in English?" Celly asked, nearly leaning over the pot producing the wonderful smelling steam. When her nose was menaced by an oatmeal-smeared spoon, she sat back.

"Not counting capitals, and punctuation," he said, "Twenty-six."

"I've heard you make more than twenty-six sounds," Woona replied, "And what's 'capital letters'?"

"They denote important letters, like if I was commenting on people of your rank, it would be princesses, lower-case, but if I was referring to you two by name, it would be Princesses, capital letter P to start it."

Celly felt frustrated. "I didn't hear any difference," she commented.

"There isn't one in speech. It's only used in writing," he replied.

"You doubled the letters used in writing?" Johnny Cake said as she entered the kitchen.

He pointed to the coffee pot. "Yes."

"But you cram all your sounds into twenty-six letters?" Johnny shook her head. "That makes no sense."

"What are all the letters in Equestrian for? English only has about forty-plus phonemes, sounds. That hardly requires two-hundred and six letters."

"Stressed, unstressed, rising and falling," Woona said, "Although falling tends to accompany unstressed, so in usual writing, except very long unstressed sections, falling stressed is used instead."

"So there are fifty-two basic sounds, and two outliers?" he asked.

"Forty-eight, and the rest are outliers, either always or never stressed," Celly replied.

"That certainly explains why I could never really crack the language. You're saying LAla and laLA would be written differently?"

"Of course, how else would you know how to pronounce it correctly?" Celly asked.

"We can go over this later, with an English pronunciation guide," he said, shutting off the stove, "In the meantime: breakfast, and I'll see what he wants." He nodded to a rather spiderwebbed Blueblood waving to them from outside the window.

"How'd he get out there?" Celly asked.

"You remember last night, the movie?" he asked.

"Some things are better not to know," Celly commented, and took the pot to the table.

"We'll save you some, maybe," Woona teased.

"I can make more," he replied, "And I'll fry fish for lunch, with lots of onions and garlic."

The royal-white pony seemed almost frantic about something, and not that he was covered in cobwebs. The Big Guy recovered a work shirt, his rifle and a small backpack, and followed the royal into the caverns.

"Celly, are you going to have breakfast?" Woona asked, "It's really good."

Torn, Celly returned to the table. I should be hurt he didn't ask me along, she thought.

Trixie watched the Big Guy usher the Apples, Woona and Blueblood into the garage, using the laundry room as security barrier to prevent eavesdropping.

"What is he doing in there?" Trixie demanded of the closed door, "He moved the big vehicles outside and put paper over the building's windows."

"A surprise," Sveti said as she walked past. "What I'd like to know is what the heck Blueblood is doing down here, outside traveling the Ponyville corridor."

"There has to be another way in, which means there's another way out," Trixie said, and looked over at Celly staring at them with a raised eyebrow. The pair slunk back to the bedroom.

"Even as a kid, she's intimidating," Trixie commented.

"She's more a teenager," Sveti said. "I guess being up and around helps their recovery. It was months before Luna achieved her current state. But she spent the first few weeks moping."

"Our Luna certainly isn't moping," Trixie said, "What are they doing in there?! Trixie needs to know!"

"Driving Trixie crazy?" Sveti offered.

The Big Guy entered and motioned for them to follow.

"Where now?" Trixie asked, and glared at the door to the laundry room as she passed it.

Starlit Circlet was not just anypony, but he desperately wanted to be one. Just an astronomer, he thought as he noted the very odd collection of, well, creatures, approaching the Ponyville shop he had intended to enter. The Ponyville Monster he recognized from news accounts. The Sand Cobra didn't notice him, so he decided discretion meant he should reciprocate.

With the Gala coming up, he considered the invitation from a friend-enemy, I need a suit.

The Ponyville Monster was holding the door open for him, he bowed and hustled inside.

The mare who embarrassed Blueblood, then why did he send me here? the confused noble wondered, then saw the reason as the mare brought out THE suit. It was glorious, a dream beyond all his wildest fantasies, only real, in cloth and right in front of him. Contain yourself! he demanded, But to be away from the peacock like lines of Equestrian fashion, to be just bold lines. Oh, that, that, that is perfect.

"What's perfect?" the mare wearing the wizard's hat asked.

Mortified he glanced around. The Sand Cobra was giving a girlish giggle, totally at odds with her filly-fatale tendencies.

"The tuxedo. A friend sent me with assurances that the designer here understood the power of austerity, who would not make a dress as if made from an overzealous magpie's horde of shiny bits," he exclaimed.

"Well, I'm sure I could do the job," Rarity said nervously, "I'll be right with you."

The Ponyville Monster then opened a ring box he'd produced out of pocket. Inside was a gem like Starlit had never seen. Rarity seemed very intrigued. The gem set in the ring was a rather pretty chocolate brown polished spherically instead of faceted, but the yellow star that nearly glowed in the light like illuminated honey drew their attention.

"Now that would be interesting, used sparingly," he whispered.

The monster made a crude horn with his hand against his head, and seemed to be seeking out the gem and smiled when his horn 'found' it. Rarity nodded and dashed over to a large chest. She threw it open and with her horn glowing, began searching. She came back with a small hoofful of unremarkable stones. They seemed to satisfy the ring's owner and he separated out a couple.

"I know a gemologist who'd be able to cut those into their proper shapes," Starlit said quietly, in awe of the idea, "Some small ones at the collar would be just perfect. Focus the eye on one thing, a rose among thorns."

"I'm sure something can be arranged, mister -?" Rarity asked.

He looked around, and realized one this wasn't Canterlot, and two, Sand Cobra, or whatever the griffon was calling herself, knew his real name. "Starlit Circlet," he said.

The Ponyville Monster and Sand Cobra caught Rarity as she fainted.

The late afternoon party was beyond boring. Twilight had smuggled a book in, and was quietly reading as the speeches went on, and on, and on. Pinky, who'd been forced to delay her welcome party, and then integrate it into the Canterlot society's welcome party, had her teeth clamped on the edge of the table. The poor mare looked one step away from gnawing the table to sawdust. Although Rarity seemed to be enjoying herself, and her companion.

A true pariah sat at a table farthest from the stage. Blueblood had initially been alone, but Fluttershy had decided to go talk to him. For the good reason that no one followed her over to the table. They sat in companionable silence, save for a word here and there, as the speeches continued, and the food waited for the speeches to terminate either themselves or the audience.

"Rarity's really enjoying all the venomous looks from the others. Maybe so is Fluttershy," Woona commented quietly as she pony-watched, "This isn't my kind of party."

Fluttershy and Rarity? Celly wanted to ask.

"You're lucky you can't hear them," Celly whispered to the Big Guy, "Celestia is furious with all the little digs."

The Big Guy looked at the placid Solar Diarch, politely smiling. "I see no hint of fury," he said.

"That's her 'political' face," Celly explained, "She only wears it when she'd love to tear someone's heart out."

"Well, you and Discord agree, he's practically frothing at the mouth. I think he's rather taken with her," he whispered back.

Celly grinned at that, and watched the poor soldiers, who like their ruler, had to stoically accept the ham-handed attempts at hiding contempt among witticisms. While the speaker smiled and sipped the punch. Everyone else was relegated to water, another subtle dig.

Suddenly the mare in question began to squirm slightly, as if the floor had become slippery. She continued her delivery, but was losing the thread of her speech, checking her notes more frequently to keep her place. Murmurs grew as others quietly commented on her bizarre behavior. She suddenly stopped squirming and took the expression of a bugeyed fish in growing pain. Silence reigned as ponies looked to Celestia to lead.

The sound was hard to hear at first, like the tearing of cloth, and if she'd kept talking it would have denied those in the know the precious seconds they needed as the ripping sound grew louder. It was joined by a second, and the mare in question had an expression of perplexed pain like Blueblood's mother.

Two powerful hooves smashed the hall's doors open, he paused only to ensure that Fluttershy, Dinky and Derpy were secure on his back, then the stallion galloped out, into the fresh air. A short distance away and realizing no one had followed, he wailed as a beacon and to reestablish kayfabe.

"Celestia's mercy! My buttons are melting!" Blueblood exclaimed in an extremely loud whine.

Starlit Circlet wandered out, with Rarity and Cherilee on his back. "By all the dead gods!" the socialite shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks, "That punch must be banned!"

The Apples came out in a clump, Applejack, Big Mac and Jonathan shepherded Applebloom, Granny Smith and Johnnie out. Many of the Ponyvillians and Canterlot socialites rushed through.

Applejack shook her head to clear it, and was immediately drenched. "What!? Who!?" She looked around and fixed on Blueblood. "Mister," she growled.

"Your hat was on fire," he offered and backed away.

Applejack glanced up at it and shuddered.

Pinkie, wearing a pink gasmask with her face painted on it, led Princess Celestia out. Once in the fresh air, she yanked off the mask. "Gah! I can still taste it!" she shouted in disgust.

Twilight brought up the rear, also wearing a pink gas mask with Pinkie's face, but with wetted napkins stuffed in her ears. "The eustachian tubes lead from the ears to the mouth," Twilight explained as she removed her mask, grinned and glanced at her makeshift filters.

"Twilight?" Celestia asked and lowered her head.

"Right here," Twilight moved up to nuzzle her mentor.

"Twilight," Celestia said quietly, but her voice filled with fear, "I can't see."

Twilight exchanged worried looks with Pinkie Pie, who zipped her mouth closed. "I'm sure it's temporary, and an eyewash will fix you right up," Twilight said, hiding her own terror.

"Thank you," Celestia said quietly.

She and Pinkie led the Diarch to the aid station being set up for those worst affected.

Woona and Celly, domes of light enclosing their heads, herded the last of the ponies out of the Town Hall and let it air out. They glanced inside and saw another person similarly protected leading the two utterly mortified maretrons, Blueblood's mother and aunt, out the back way and down wind. The cross breeze soon had the hall cleared.

"I don't think anyone wants to go into a closed space," Woona commented to Celly as the ponies milled around.

The Big Guy walked to the entrance of the hall and whistled loudly. He pointed to a couple of the larger stallions and motioned them forward. They moved, reluctantly, but moved. The tables with the food were still inside, and they moved them outside. He also found the piano, and had it brought to the doorway.

Celly shook her head 'no' insistently.

But the sight of her local self with her eyes bandaged broke her resistance. She knew the ponies needed the distraction. She grinned angrily at the Big Guy. He bowed. She motioned Spike forward as Woona got the bench for them.

I'm going to get him, Celly thought as she seated Spike further down the keyboard. She played C major, G major, A minor, F major, then grinned at pleasantly at Spike, then malevolently at the Big Guy. I heard you singing in the shower, she thought malevolently, So did Woona. She noticed the wicked gleam in her sister's eyes.

"You do realize anywhere else this is a war crime," he commented.

She grinned and nodded. She played the chord progression, with Spike duplicating it several octaves lower.

"Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train goin' anywhere," Woona brassily sang.

"Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit. He took the midnight train goin' anywhere," he sang boldly.

"My life is brilliant. My love is pure," Celly sang softly, "I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure."

"People killing, people dying, children hurtin', hear them crying," he sang sadly, "Can you practice what you preach? Or would you turn the other cheek?"

"Forever young, I want to be forever young," Woona sang longingly.

"I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours," he sang with a staccato delivery.

"This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending," Celly sang quietly, sadly, "No hope, no love, no glory, no Happy Ending."

The Big Guy leaned on the piano and sang in return, "Cause you were amazing, and we did amazing things."

"Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains," Woona belted out brassily, "I knew I wouldn't forget you."

"If I could, then I would," the Big Guy sang, "I'll go wherever you will go."

All three sang loudly in harmony, "And can you feel the love tonight?"

"Nobody wanna see us together, but it don't matter no," Celly sang, "Cause I got you babe."

The Big Guy sang, "Country roads, take me home to the place I belong."

"I'm your biggest fan," Woona sang to Celly, "I'll follow you until you love me Papa-Paparazzi."

"I can't live. With or without you," Celly sang back to her.

"Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung upon your wall for the world to see," the Big Guy sang.

Woona sang, "And she will be loved, she will be loved."

"And whenever I fall at your feet. You let your tear," Celly sang, "Am I not pretty enough is my heart too broken."

The Big Guy replied, "When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me."

Woona added, "Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner."

The Big Guy sang to Woona, "That's the way it's gonna be little darlin'. You'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah."

"No, woman, no cry," Celly added.

The Big Guy shook his head and sang, "Yeah, Mama this surely is a dream."

Woona replied, "I come from a land down under."

Celly sang, "You're the red, white and blue. The funny things you do. America, America this is you."

Woona sang, "They say Taylor was a good girl never one to be late complain express ideas in her brain."

The Big Guy sang, "Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong."

Celly grinned and sang, "I need some love like I've never needed love before wanna make love to ya baby."

The Big Guy and Celly sang contrapuntally,
"Take on me,
When I come around
Take me on,
When I come around
I'll be gone when I'm on take."

The Woona and Celly sang contrapuntally,
"Save tonight
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
And fight the break of dawn come tomorrow
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
tomorrow I'll be gone."

The Woona and the Big Guy sang contrapuntally,
"If I were a boy
Here I am, once again
I think I could understand
I'm torn into pieces can't deny it can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one."

Woona sang, "In my head, I see you all over me. In my head, you fulfill my fantasy."

Celly sang angrily, "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage."

The Big Guy sang softly, "What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home?"

Woona shook her head and sang, "Tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else."

Woona and the Big Guy sang together, "I know she's playing with me. That's okay cause I've got no self esteem."

"With a thousand lies and a good disguise. Hit 'em right between the eyes. Hit 'em right between the eyes."

Celly sang to the Big Guy, "You're so beautiful. So damn beautiful."

"That it's too late to apologize, it's too late," the Big Guy sang back.

Woona sang, "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts."

They sang in harmony, "It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever."

"Cause I'm not here for your entertainment. You don't really want to mess with me tonight."

The Big Guy sang, "Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face."

Woona sang in baby tones, "Come on Barbie, let's go party!"

They sang in harmony, "How long how long will I slide? Separate my -"

"Double rainbow all the way 'cross the sky, yeah, yeaaaah, it's so intense!"

Celly sang, "Lost and insecure. You found me, you found me."

The Big Guy sang back, "She wants to touch me whoo, she wants to love me whoo, she'll never leave me whoo hu hu."

Woona sang, "Enjoy yourself. Take only what you need from it, a family of trees wanting."

They sang in harmony, "Take your canvas bags, take your canvas bags, take your canvas bags to the supermarket. Take your canvas bags."

Celly sang, "Time to say goodbye."

The Big Guy sang, "Veduto e vissuto con te."

Woona sang, "Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?"

Celly sang sadly, "Nothing's fine I'm torn, I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real, I'm wide awake and I can see -"

Woona and the Big Guy joined in, "I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane."

"I'm a birdplane, I'm a birdplane. A mother fuckin' birdplane."

Celly sang, "And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home? Doesn't that make you shiver? The way things could have gone."

They all sang in harmony, "And doesn't it feel peculiar, when everyone wants a little more? So that I do remember to never go this far. That's all it takes to be a STAR!"

As their voices faded, they looked out at the stunned ponies just staring at them. Even the Apples who spoke the language.

"See Discord, that's how it's done. And I stole the idea from the Axis of Awesome," the Big Guy said.

"I think we broke them," Woona said of the eerily silent, immobile and ominously staring ponies.

The Big Guy glanced down at Spike who had tugged at his sleeve. The little dragon pointed hopefully at the buffet tables. "He's right, we have them all paralyzed," he proclaimed, "Do you know what this means?!"

"More cake/ice cream for us!" Celly and Woona shouted.

"Exactly!" he said and charged the tables.

Discord was currently doing what could only be called back flips if you projected the flip onto a normal three-dimensional space with a standard time component. There were other elements to the flips that meant his body and limbs could appear to separate and come back together without ever detaching.

The Big Guy ignored the silent tantrum. Tom's looking after him, he thought as he watched Celly pick out her favorites. He collected two similar plates, along with his own with very different fare, and headed over to where Celestia sat on a blanket beside Twilight. The Diarch's eyes were still bandaged, and Twilight had the difficult time of guiding her mentor around and getting her comfortably situated.

The Big Guy had seen enough gold-bricking in his career to recognize that Princess Celestia, Diarch of the Sun, Ruler of all Equestia, was letting Twilight have a bit of a dream, looking after the princess she so admired. She tensed as he approached, and tensed even more when he sat down opposite the princess. She was about to say something, when he shoved a custard-filled doughnut in her mouth. While she tried to dislodge it without spitting it out, he held a forkful of cake under Celestia's nose. The nostrils dilated, and she carefully nibbled the piece.

"Twilight, that cake is excellent, thank you," Celestia said. Tom providing a translation.

Twilight managed to bite through the doughnut and swallow it nearly whole before she could answer. He shook her finger at the mare as she got ready to tell Celestia the truth, and mimed barfing as Celestia had just taken a big bite of cake. Twilight briefly looked like she could have bitten through a girder, then she got a truly evil look on her face. She addressed the alicorn. Celestia turned away from the offered cake, and asked Twilight a question. Twilight grinned at him and asked the most innocent-sounding question.

Despite the bandages, he could feel the glare aimed at him by the Diarch as she asked a question in very harsh, but controlled tones. Twilight grinned triumphantly.

"Arf, arf, arf!" he responded, and considered licking Celestia's nose.

The Diarch playfully scolded the stunned Twilight, but chuckled at their antics. She resettled herself and let the pair of them look after her.

He was quite aware of how the growing crowd of nobles and local Ponyvillians were looking at the scene. He had the massive advantage of not carrying what these ponies thought of him.

It's a party, and one of the guests of honor is out of commission, so someone needs to step up, he thought quietly, as Twilight grew nervous, even as her friends brought her treats from the table, and drinks for her and Celestia. Although it is interesting that the divide between disgusted/horrified and enthralled seems complete, there's no one who's just neutral.

The party continued on into the early evening. Woona and Celly sang several more songs, that the locals clearly recognized, although the words were English. Pinkie dragged Sweetie Belle over and the two of them would sing a line in local Equestrian, then Celly and Woona sang in English. The Apples, all of them, were soon dragged into the game.

Poor Twilight was left trembling at the possibility of missing the data, until Spike, list in hand, caught her attention. She relaxed. Then Celestia chuckled. The alicorn said something chiding to her student, then nuzzled the embarrassed unicorn.

I had a feeling, he thought, and then was gentle scolded by the same alicorn who glanced occasionally at Twilight. Guess I'm being scolded for messing with Twilight's head. I don't think she guesses who arranged the mass migration.

"I wanna story," Woona announced from Jonathan's back as they walked back from the party. Overhead, the stars were coming out. "And make it a scary one! No kiddy stuff!"

Celly rolled her eyes. The parents among the group chuckled, recognizing the tone, but not the words.

Derpy glanced back at the soundly sleeping Dinky on her back and grinned happily, nuzzling Dinky, then the Big Guy. She rested her head against him as they walked.

"Scary, okay, any trouble if it's a true story?" the Big Guy asked.

"Better," Woona replied.

"There was once a magnificent race of plant sentients, living far from the strife and wars of ponykind. Their roots extended until they touched one another and they communicated, shared their strength and their experiences so that all lived as one in knowledge and harmony. As their numbers grew, they extended their dominion across the empty lands."

He spoke darkly, "Then came the child-eaters, the burners, the cutters: the ponies. They tore up the great roots for ropes. They consumed alive the children and cut the eldest open and hollowed them out to live inside their mindless husks. So the sentients who had never needed defenses, nor even a name for themselves, created their first defenses. They changed a harmless weed into Poison Joak to ward their communities, but the ponies ripped that barrier away and continued their slaughter. As an act of desperation, the greatest of them created a plant creature based on the direst legends of ponykind, and released them on the ponies. But it was too little too late. The seedlings cut down and eaten, the eldest reduced to buildings, the great roots interconnecting them one to the other torn up and destroyed. The last pockets of them withered and died or went in to somnambulism awaiting a day when they could grow and thrive once again."

The alicorns and the Apples shivered at his tone, even the others were disturbed by it.

"Only their sentinels remain, roving the forest as they were programed, defending a civilization long gone, and a race all but extinct."

Celly and Woona were horrified. Jonathan and Johnny stared in amazement.

"Ponies did that?" Celly asked.

"They did it without ever realizing they'd done it. This was back in the preclassical days. The three kingdoms. Hearth's Warming Day pageants present the conquest of Equestia and the meeting of the three rulers as taking place in only a few days. It really took months, or even years. Once they realized the other tribes had moved into this new land, the Windigos moved in too and the hatreds bloomed forth suddenly," he explained, "And before you go and write off Discord as a bad source, I checked out a few things he told me. Twilight's library is one of the remaining creatures. And I think Zecora's dwelling is another. If I can confirm that, and lay out my plan to the Element Bearers, I'll try and connect the two, and see what happens."

"I never knew," Celestia said, "How could they have let this happen?"

"Ignorance," he replied, "They were desperate, and didn't know any better. Compassion is all well and good, but science and compassion take resources. Resources that would have been in short supply among the refugees who may have realized they were going to have to restart the war they had just escaped."

"Okay," the wide-awake Woona said, "That was scary. Won't they hate us? For what we did?"

"Yes, but it's also an attempt to make amends," he said, "It's worked in the past. It will work now. Isn't Friendship supposed to be magic here, or something?"

Celly and Woona chuckled. "Yes," Celly said, "It is. Thank you for reminding us."

"Are you going to need help?" Woona asked, "Or should we finish the project?"

"Finish the project. I'll need to do my investigations, and run my plan through the Bearers and the Princesses. There may be a good deal more to this than I know. And as I said, Discord isn't the best source."

"Calling me a liar?" Discord asked inside his head.

More like calling you a biased observer, he thought his reply, You may not have noticed something, or cared about it.

"Oh, I will admit, that joke with those two gasbags was funny," Discord added, as if the words were drawn from him with pliers.

"It should be, he's been sulking about it for hours. Then you feeding Celestia," Tom said, "That really got him."

He heard Discord grumbling in the background, but tuned it out as he noted Blueblood approaching the group from behind. The stallion was actually smiling, not the forced 'supermodel' smile he usually used, but a pleasant grin.

"I don't get that," Celly admitted as she turned to concentrate on the Big Guy, so as not to give any signals for or against to her 'multiple grands' nephew. "He was with Fluttershy the entire time, I don't think they said more than 'would you like something from the buffet' and 'yes, thank you' all night. What's he so happy about?"

"Not having to say or listen to anything but 'would you like something from the buffet' and 'yes, thank you' all night," he replied.

"I'll never understand men," she admitted.

"You'll never understand Fluttershy then," he replied, "She also enjoyed it."

Woona giggling at her sister didn't help matters.

Axis of Awesome - The Four Chord Song

(Journey - Don't Stop Believin')
(James Blunt - You're Beautiful)
(Black Eyed Peas - Where Is the Love)
(Alphaville - Forever Young)
(Jason Mraz - I'm Yours)
(Mika - Happy Ending)
(Alex Lloyd - Amazing)
(Train Hey Soul Sister)
(The Calling - Wherever You Will Go)
(Elton John - Can You Feel the Love Tonight)
(Akon - Nobody Wanna See Us Together)
(John Denver - Take Me Home Country Roads)
(Rob Fusari, Stefani Germanotta - Papparazi)
(U2 - With or Without You)
(The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You)
(Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved)
(Crowded House - Fall at Your Feet)
(Kasey Chambers - Am I Not Pretty Enough)
(The Beatles - Let it Be)
(Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge)
(Daryl Braithwaite - The Horses)
(Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry)
(Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy Lyrics)
(Men at Work - Land down Under)
(Theme from American's Funniest Home Videos)
(Taylor - Jack Johnson)
("Banjo" Paterson - Waltzing Matilda)
(2 Become 1 - Spice Girls)
(A Ha - Take on Me)
(Green Day - When I Come Around)
(Eagle-eye Cherry - Save Tonight)
(Toto - Africa)
(Beyonce - If I Were a Boy)
(Kelly Clarkson - Here I Am)
(Jason Derulo - In My Head)
(Bullet with Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins)
(Joan Osbourne - If God Was One of Us)
(Avril Lavigne - Complicated)
(The Offspring - Self Esteem)
(The Offspring - You're Gonna Go Far Kid)
(Akon - Beautiful)
(Onerepublic - Apologize)
(Eminem - Love the Way You Lie)
(Bon Jovi - It's My Life)
(Pink - You and Your Hand)
(Lady Gaga - Poker Face)
(Aqua - Barbie Girl)
(Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside )
(The Gregory Brothers - Double Rainbow Song)
(The Fray - You Found Me)
(30h!3 - Don't Trust Me)
(Mgmt - Kids)
(Tim Minchin - Canvas Bags)
(Sarah Brightman - Time to Say Goodbye)
(Andrea Bocelli - Con Te Partiro)
(Robert Burns - Auld Lang Syne)
(Natalia Imbruglia - Torn)
(Five for Fighting - Superman)
(Axis of Awesome - Birdplane)
(Missy Higgins - Scar)

18) And the Fly Eats the Spider

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - And the Fly Eats the Spider

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 29

The dim, red light shown on the large square of paper in the pan. Featherweight moved the paper slightly with tongs while he waited. He was especially proud of this picture. I was at the right place, at the right time and focused on the subject.

Featherweight damped down his eagerness as he developed the photos he'd taken of the party. He grinned as this print in particular appeared on the paper. The subject looked every inch a hero of the old sagas. Standing his ground against all comers, his 'family' resting across his broad back.

Featherweight sighed sadly as he held it up to let the developer drip off, before hanging it up beside the dozen or so still damp prints of what he'd photographed. "No one would believe Blueblood could really . . . " He ran to the end of the small, dark room and began digging through several photographic magazines.

He found the one he was looking for and paged through it. "Ah!" The contest was for best camera trickery. He looked at the picture he had and smiled. "It's dishonest, but I really want that compositor." He looked at the print of 'Blueblood hero of legend' that would win him the contest for sure. He grinned as he printed the rest of his candid shots. Maybe I should show the print to his Highness, and tell him what I'm going to do with it, he briefly considered as he thought of the collection of shots he had of the prince's escapades around Ponyville, Nah, wait till I win, then thank him.

Soon hanging from the line and drying were prints of the Big Guy feeding the Princess, Fluttershy and Blueblood actually laughing, Rarity and Starlit Circlet talking, 'Celly' and 'Woona' being adorable.

He sighed again as he stared at those collections of prints, and wondered about the unfairness of the world. "I can't even talk to them," he said as he stared at the two alicorn fillies.

He put the gear away and looked at the prints hanging to dry, and smiled. "No one would believe it," he said and closed the door.

Day 30

The warm softness, the feeling of absolute security, the soothing sounds and even the placid scent of the others at rest tried to drag Trixie back to the lands of sleep. But knowledge of what the day was and what it meant conflicted sharply. Driving her to wakefulness and worries. Trixie does not want to wake up, Trixie wants to stay like this forever. Trixie wants to go on the road and perform. Trixie has offers from a dozen theaters and play dates that would keep her busy for three months. Trixie does not want to give up 'pony piling' with her friends, but the road. Trixie woke fully as the others piled out of the bed. A few gentle nuzzles and a delicious scratching behind the ears, and then she had to act awake, or stay in bed alone.

She looked at the people she'd been thrown together with and felt her stomach turning. I want to stay, but those places. I would never have dreamed I could play some of those venues, she thought as Derpy and the Big Guy looked at her as she stared forlornly back. To get everything I ever thought I wanted, I have to give up what I find I want more than anything.

Derpy and the Big Guy walked over and enfolded her in a hug. She couldn't take it, she burst out crying.

"I want to stay, I want to go, and I can't decide," she sobbed as she clung to the pair.

"Do both," Derpy said, "Go, and come back. Everybody leaves for a while. The ones who really love you come back." Derpy sniffled and held Trixie tighter. "We'll miss you," she cried as she bawled against the showmare.

Woona walked back to see the commotion, facehoofed and walked away.

The mares quieted their sobs, and all three held each other. The smell of pancakes began drawing their attention.

"I'll miss you, will he understand?" Trixie asked.

"He will. He's had to let kids grow up too," Derpy said and sniffled. "Knock'em dead. You can. Just ignore the hecklers, what you really have done trumps all they could dream of."

"That's why I want to stay," Trixie admitted.

"You won't be happy if you stay," Derpy said, "Go, and come back."

"He must think we're insane," Trixie said of the fascinating yet infuriating creature who hugged both mares.

"He is loved," Derpy said and nuzzled him, "I think that's what he wants."

Trixie nuzzled he as well.

Celly had practically flown out of the bedroom when she realized the Big Guy was going to be delayed. She'd puzzled out most of the ingredients, their measurements and found the tools days earlier and was now in the kitchen mixing a batch of batter. "This is going to be delicious!" she insisted as she poured the batter on the smoking griddle. The cake sizzled and rose. She turned it with a horn-driven spatula and marveled at the golden brown color and the amazing smell.

"Discord must have escaped!" Woona called, "Somebody let Celly into a kitchen!"

"Hush or you don't get any," Celly said as she lifted the griddle cake and sampled it. "Yes!" She held that one to nibble on, as she poured more batter and began turning out more and more of the cakes. Watching each cook as intently as a mother hen watched her chicks. She didn't notice or care that the stacks she carefully created vanished almost as quickly.

When she did look up from mixing a second container of batter, she saw Derpy and the Big Guy watching her across the stove. She returned to concentrating on her cooking. "Derpy wants to have your foals," she said as she poured batter onto the slightly smoking griddle.

"Yes, I'd love some pancakes, thank you," he replied in flabbergasted tones, "That's a heck of a jump even for me."

"We talked about it," Celly said in a quiet tone to not alert the others, especially the mare watching the cooking, "She wouldn't want you, except as a stallion, or with her as a human mare. We also found your book." She grinned as he reacted to that.

"My wife's book. That's the same lady who when asked by the Baptists if she'd read the bible with them, would read from the Song of Solomon."

Celly shook her head.

"Dirty love poems, in the middle of a religious work," he told her.

Celly snorted, then sobered. "I would have liked to meet her."

"She probably would have driven you crazy," he said and smiled, "She was like you, and a lot like Derpy. She could be startlingly direct, without being impolite. But she loved twisting pompous windbags into knots with simple and innocent sounding questions and comments." He kept a wistful smile for a moment, as if examining the memory. Then he put it away. "I thought putting it in the top shelf of a twelve-foot-high bookcase might have reduced interest."

"Pinkie Pie found it," Celly said as she poured and turned, and stacked the finished product. "Believe me, that's pretty typical for Pinkie Pie. Derpy and I saw her reading it, and it's not that hard to figure out."

"Hence the follow up that she wants foals," he said, he scratched behind Derpy's ears. The mare took on a dreamy expression at the simple pleasure. "It's not something I've thought about. In dreams, things like that are possible, but even with the Alicorn Amulet, is that even possible?"

Celly smiled, "I can do it, not now but within a few weeks."

"I may need that long to consider it," he admitted, "Would we both be ponies, or humans?"

"Or something in between you're both comfortable with," Celly said, noted the silence and glanced up, "What's wrong?"

"Just, complications," he admitted, though his expression was unreadable rather than relieved, "I almost don't want to know who else I've been sleeping with has these thoughts."

Celly considered as she poured the last of the batter and set the pitcher in the sink. "All of us."

He looked like he'd been hit by a board.

"Well you're so cute and snuggly, what pony wouldn't love you?" Celly asked innocently, and trotted to the dinner table with the platter of pancakes.

I wonder what Discord makes of that, or did he figure it out and not tell him? Celly thought.

"You don't guess wrong often. But when you do, it's a doozy. I'm too old for an athletic harem," he muttered as he headed for the table before others ate all the griddle cakes.

Celly, Trixie and the Big Guy stood in the library with an initial audience of two, Spike and Twilight had obviously seen better days. Celly grinned at Twilight as the mare looked utterly horrified at the scenario of plant-society apocalypse the Big Guy had laid out. Sveti and Mystery had arrived to observe and be horrified as well. Twilight had tested her tree, to see if it was one of the last survivors of that ancient race. Spike had been muttering things meant to soothe his sibling, and Celly suspected that was all that was preventing the mare from running around screaming. Mystery was getting the same from Sveti. Neither of the intellectuals looked long for the sunlight world of sanity.

Then the Big Guy had laid the Alicorn Amulet on a table. Twilight had taken another round of pacing and Spike reassuring her before she was willing to cast the spells to verify it was what it was. Then they summoned a small image of Tom.

"Good evening all, I hope you both can understand me," the small sphere said.

Twilight, Trixie and Spike made affirmative noises. Sveti and Mystery nodded, the two griffons drawn by the story. Celly and the Big Guy said 'yes.'

"The history of these creatures is long and ancient. They lived the most active part of their existence in their collective consciousness. Debating ideas and observations while their bodies collected light and nutrients and nourished the entire society," Tom said, "A race of peaceful, enlightened philosophers."

Twilight absorbed the knowledge greedily, but still had her horrified expression firmly plastered on her face. She nodded as the enormity of the situation descended on her full force. "So what do we do about something that happened over a thousand years ago?" Twilight said, and Tom repeated in translation.

"First, you check with their Highnesses about whether we do anything at all," the Big Guy said, "Then we check if Zecora's tree is another in the chain. That'll give us two. There may be more. If their Highnesses agree, we run a line from one to the other and see if anyone is still home."

They waited for Tom to translate, and Twilight nodded. She seemed vaguely unwilling to pursue this ancient crime without the blessing and support of her mentor. They left while Twilight was composing the letter to the princesses. Before they reached the front door, she suddenly turned back and exclaimed something, pointing first to Tom, then the Big Guy and chattering rapidly.

"She's wondering why I don't provide constant translation services. She also want to know what you really want, I assume from the context, out of your life in Equestria," Tom paraphrased.

Twilight nodded.

"Tell her," the Big Guy shrugged and replied.

Tom cleared his throat. "`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

Tom sighed, "I believe that covers the subject?"

"Very concise and appropriate, poetic even," the Big Guy agreed. Celly nodded sagely, Spike looked at them through half-lidded eyes. Twilight looked offended and utterly confused.

"Some things don't translate out of context, and I am a spirit of chaos," Tom added, "Just more polite than Discord. And I'd rather be true to the spirit, than the letter."

Twilight muttered something about her own letter and trudged back to the writing desk, where she laid her head on the flat surface. Spike backed up, keeping himself between them and her the whole way.

Tom vanished. Celly and the Big Guy left. Trixie approached Twilight offering some soothing words, or words in a soothing tone.

"Okay, even I don't know what that meant," Celly admitted as they walked down the street.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."
Lewis Carrol, Jabberwocky."

"Which tells me what, exactly?" Celly asked, "Other than that you memorized it, which is telling enough."

"The hero vanquishes the monster and returns to love and accolades, what else?" he asked and grinned. "The other reason is I'd have to keep the Alicorn Amulet on my person at all times. That's not something I want to risk."

"So that's how you gassed them," Celly quietly accused, "You used that so that poor mare embarrassed herself . . . yes, I approve, but you should still be scolded."

"She was a gasbag," he replied, "I just wanted everyone to make the connection."

"You are awful," Celly said and giggled, "She's going to take at least a day to compose and send the message. I doubt Celestia and Luna are going to come to an instant decision. So what are we to do?"

"We're going to explore the cavern Blueblood found when he showed up. I verified it was there, and I knew what the lock was. But I wasn't going in without a few reinforcements."

Celly's eyes widened. "You, needed reinforcements? I think we'd better break Discord out of his shell. The world is coming to an end."

"Maybe you're right," he said quietly.

"I was joking," Celly said, then caught the briefest smile. "You rotter."

"You're just so cute like that," he told her and grinned.

Her smile froze and she let him get a bit ahead. She looked herself over and considered. I wish I knew for sure, Celly thought then trotted to catch up, Does he like me the way he likes Derpy? The way he likes Dinky? Ugh, please no, not that! Is Derpy right, that I'd have to be a human female? She glanced over to him and smiled. But he thinks I'm a child. Of course he thinks of most ponies as children. That's going to take some work to overcome.

Trixie stood outside the laundry room and stared at the closed door to the garage. She summoned her power, and willed its secrets to be revealed. No, somepony in there doesn't want me to know, she thought as she watched Blueblood collecting some of his things. She'd hoped to see what the big secret was when the Big Guy had summoned the prince out of the garage. She'd been blatantly and efficiently thwarted. Notebook, geologist's pick, I can't imagine his reputation and those thing going together, she thought as she watched the preparations.

The squawk of alarm from the patio drew her attention from the door. She and Blueblood raced to where the rest of the 'expedition' was assembling their gear.

Just off the patio was Pinkie Pie, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Pinkie had just unveiled the 'Party Cannon Mk 88', a large artillery piece on a four-wheeled trailer. The entire gun crew were wearing coal buckets on their heads. Pinkie pulled a muffin from the large bags sitting on the wheeled frame the cannon was mounted on. She dashed the muffin against a rock, and the rock broke. She held up the undamaged muffin and grinned hopefully. Sweetie Belle was completely embarrassed by the display of muffin-invulnerability.

The Big Guy was double facehoofing, but he was also laughing.

That could be very good, or very bad, Trixie thought as she approached. That Celly was equally uncertain didn't bode well for the Big Guy's sanity.

"What is that on your head?" Blueblood asked, "And if it's a helmet, why cut earholes in it?"

"They go with the cannon," Pinkie Pie said.

"How many dragons do you expect to shoot with this thing?" Blueblood asked, paused briefly as if considering sticking his head in the huge bore, but thought better of it.

One bore inside another, bad things would happen, she thought.

"Aren't you supposed to - AWK!" Trixie had begun, only to spot Cheerilee and a dozen other students dragging a similar four-wheeled cannon. Only a few of them wore the odd coal bucket-looking helmets, the difference among the two 'crews' was Pinkies had mostly Celestia-solar symbol on their helmets or were unmarked, and Cheerilee's team were split evenly between that and Luna-moon symbols, but they were mixed and the marking had no rhyme or reason. "You really ought to mount those on some kind of armored wagon," Trixie commented, "Maybe internally powered."

"I tried, but the tiger wouldn't stay in the tank," Pinkie said and frowned briefly.

Trixie decided to leave whatever reality Pinkie was currently in and talk to the school teacher. "You brought students to fire cannons?"

"Pinkie said it was a very historical day," Cheerilee said as she examined the cannon, then smiled at Trixie, "One that would shed light on the earliest days of Canterlot, before the Pony sisters."

"And that she decided to bring the two most formidable pieces of artillery I've ever heard of didn't alert you that there might be cause for concern?" Trixie asked in strangled tones.

"Better to be operating the cannons, than without them elsewhere," Cheerilee said and grinned.

At that she fell silent. Trixie cannot argue with that logic. But it helped her make another decision. Trixie is leaving, if only for a while. When Trixie starts understanding the inmates of this open-air asylum, it's time to spend time with other ponies, she thought.

"Thank you," she said and headed towards where the Big Guy was assembling the supplies for the expedition. She sat down beside him and gave in a friendly nuzzle.

Trixie thinks he needs a rational friend almost as badly as Trixie does, she thought as he checked over the equipment, and occasionally glanced up at the artillery and their eager crews, then swiftly looked back down at the list.

Celly wanted to laugh at him, the case where the biggest purveyor of chaos getting trumped. Now's a good time to laugh, but later will be so much better though, she thought as tried to be as serious as Woona usually was. Let him explain it a little, then a giggle and a hug would be appropriate.

Trixie, looking equally dumbfounded, walked over and gave him a nuzzle, before putting her head on his leg. She seemed as bewildered as he was.

"Are you all right?' Celly asked as he checked over their supplies.

"Oh, sure," he said distractedly. He paused and focused, before turning to face her. "I can accept that Pinkie duplicated the carriage of a Flak18/36, mounted what looks like a 28 centimeter mortar in place of the 88. I can accept that she got the Stahlhelms with the Equestrian logos. How did she get them here, without taking them through the house?" he asked despairingly

Celly blinked. "You aren't questioning its existence, you're questioning its location?"

"Pinkie was in my house twice without my permission," he said, "She could have looked at any of the books and gotten the idea. But how'd she get them and both gun crews here?"

Celly sat down beside him and laid her head on his leg. "Don't talk to me anymore, I have a headache," she mumbled.

He shrugged and completed his inventory. Then he signaled Blueblood to lead and he fell in behind. The rest of the group, including both guns, followed them.

The walk was not a long one. He motioned for Pinkie's gun team to travel past the cavern opening and set up to catch anything coming out in a crossfire with Cheerilee's gun team.

"You think something is going to crawl out of there and get us?" Celly asked The musty, disused smell covered the area. "If this place is like the Canterlot I came from, nobody has been here in a thousand years."

"Believe me, that doesn't matter a whit," he replied as he made sure Pinkie would stand to her gun, rather than follow them inside. He stood and listened. No sound of dripping water, or vermin reached their ears.

The pink mare saluted, and swung down the cruciform outriggers and prepared a ready reserve of a dozen shots. Cheerilee's team were doing the same. Blueblood and Trixie waited nervously at the entrance to the offshoot. The three 'crusaders' announced something loudly, which made Trixie roll her eyes.

The cobwebs had been disturbed recently, by Blueblood as he recognized the carving on the door and pressed through them

"John Williams is the spooky music, Discord," the Big Guy replied to the unheard question. The stone work was crude, as if a normal passage had been used, rather than something cunningly carved to look like a natural passage.

"Should we be doing this?" he asked as he helped clear away the cobwebs. Every few paces, on the left or on the right there was a niche with a chimeric guardian in it. Mixes of animals in disturbing combinations. Giant crabs with pony heads, praying mantises with four sets of catch claws. A creature that looked like a cross between a pitcher plant and a tripod. "Don't touch anything. Those may be more than gargoyles to scare away the unworthy, or failed experiments petrified for storage. They may be in some kind of stasis."

"Or they could just be statues," Celly said, as her horn illuminated one of them, "I'm not picking up any magic. Not even residuals. Magic can't do everything. A thousand years is a long time, even for magic. They're also stone, not petrified flesh."

Trixie and Blueblood were also shaking their heads. They found no threatening magics. The group moved forward slowly. Clearing the cobwebs, and revealing more of the silent guardians. He kept glancing back.

Calculating the time it would take to run back to the familiar, Celly considered and glanced back herself, It would be our luck to have these things all spring out of the niches once we're against the door. Then only a few of them could keep us occupied, while the rest go after the kids. She shuddered at the thought and prepared for the possibility.

The door itself appeared normal, save for the inches-thick, round plate standing proud of the surface. Inset on the plate was a hollow that looked like the Alicorn Amulet. Then she looked closer and saw things suspended a few inches from the door proper, as if the door was covered in a thick layer of water-clear amber. Insects mostly, a coin, the tip of a knife, others.

Celly leaned close. The knife was a mass of corrosion near the surface, but the blade still shone clean and unsullied near the tip. "Time manipulation," Celly breathed, "That's nearly impossible."

"But he did it," the Big Guy said as he pointed to the coin hanging in midair, "I tossed that in near the top when I came here with Blueblood. That's how far it dropped in the whole time since. That barrier slows time, more as you get closer to the door, less as you pull away. The end of the plate is outside, that's still in the normal timestream," he said, "I'll bet the effect is just leakage. At the surface of the door and behind it, not one moment has passed."

"Then it gets stronger as you go deeper," Celly said, "I think that may be how we beat him, if he cast that spell before facing us, he should have been exhausted. It's amazing."

"Unless he really screwed up the timing and only the field on the door still works," he said, "I think Nistag expected to be back, and he locked up shop before he went out to face you and Luna. But he lost. I don't know how good the locks are, but considering your analogs never found this place, I think they were pretty good. You said you couldn't sense anything, and that's standing next to it. Add a few hundred feet of stone, and detection becomes even more problematic." He stepped back from the door, and looked at the figures in the niches. Worry cleared showed in his expression.

"Are you saying that you want to wait for some combat archeology team from the capitol?" Celly asked, "Because I can tell you, my government didn't have one."

"I think we've got the best team we're going to get, and with a decent reserve if we need it," he said as he lifted the Amulet. He turned and shooed Trixie and Blueblood away. Then mimed something jumping him and Celly, with Trixie and Blueblood charging in.

The pair looked at each other, then looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"I don't think they're the 'charge in and rescue us' types," Celly said with a grin.

"I think I'm right and they're wrong," he said, then focused on the amulet. The eye glowed a baleful red. "Okay, first we deal with you. Then, the door." He glanced around nervously. "I do not like that spooky echo. Can you conjure a solar bomb and we'll just toss it in. To Hell with the cultural and archeological findings in there. Just nuke the monsters waiting for us in there."

"No," Celly said firmly.

"Just exploring all the options. Now, I need to concentrate," he said as he sat and stared at the amulet.

He noted he was not the only one concentrating intently on the amulet and the mental struggle, Celly thought after he glanced over his shoulder.

He grinned at her, looked back to the amulet and commenced the battle.

I've never seen anything that intricate, outside of a weaver's loom, she thought as the amulet pressed forward three lines. These lines would catch on weavings almost unseen. The other columns would turn to support, and along their length dozens of tiny strikes would enmesh the column. Red color like veins ran back to the central mass along the tentacles. It's like watching three giant snakes fighting a legion of invisible spiders, she thought as a fourth column was extended, far away from the others. That one simply ceased to be at the tip, and all four of the tentacular columns tried to withdraw. But three were trapped and taking whatever poison they were being stung with to the central mass.

Celly shied as she heard the mental shriek as the poison built up and could no longer be ignored. The amulet's red eye blazed like fire, before guttering to a pale blue.

The Big Guy shook himself and stretched. "That's getting harder," he admitted, "But I don't think I'll have to worry about it for a while."

"How so?" Celly asked steadying him as he clambered to his feet.

"Because behind there is everything I need for my work," he said as he carefully, almost reverently fitted the amulet into the inset on the plate. The eye blazed blue, as his fingers remained in contact with the amulet itself, not touching the plate. Needles shot out of the plate, but they were to catch hooves, and the Big Guy's long fingers and hands kept them out of harm's way.

Celly felt the magic resisting, and the thread of chaos coming out of the Big Guy became a torrent passing through the amulet. The spell on the door began to 'illuminate' to become visible to any with mystical talent. Both Blueblood and Trixie gasped in awe as the extent of the area protected by the spell became apparent.

You could put the house and grounds inside that area, Celly realized as she studied the matrix of the spell that somehow had kept time away from the inside of what had to have been Nistag's inner sanctum. I think we won't have to worry about reinforcements, if they can't feel this, they aren't paying attention.

The Big Guy sagged slightly as he fought to over master the spell denying them entrance. The sudden appearance of light around the door told all the watchers that he'd beaten it. He managed to snatch the amulet out of the door as the stone slab retracted into the wall.

Celly fluttered up and caught him as he stumbled back. "Easy, I've got you," she assured him as she lowered him to the ground. Neither Trixie nor Blueblood seemed eager to press past and explore. Celly glanced at the statues that lined the path to the lab. She looked for any sign of movement, any flicker of magic or mechanism that would set them going again. For several minutes, while the Big Guy gathered his strength, there were none.

The faint sound drew their sudden and full attention and they sprang into action. Pinkie, a hoof full of popcorn halfway to her mouth and a large bag in her other arm smiled nervously at the lethal intent suddenly directed at her. She rattled the bag again and extended it towards them, all the while wearing a nervous grin.

"I think we need to calm down a bit," he said as he returned his pistol to its holster. "I can recognize the symptoms of battle fatigue well enough. Carelessness is another, so double check everything." He stood up and pointed at Pinkie. "Don't touch anything."

Pinkie saluted, zipped away, returned to grab the popcorn before it hit the ground and zipped away again. A moment later she and her team were dragging the Mark 88 to fire straight down the corridor. She saluted again, and clicked her rear hooves.

"Close enough," he commented as he returned her salute.

With Pinkie growling at the corridor, and urging the rest of her gun crew to do the same, they proceeded through the door. The plant slamming itself against the inside of its enclosure startled all of them. Blueblood ran wailing down the corridor to huddle behind Pinkie's gun. The exasperated mare put her Stahlhelm on his head and walked towards her friends. She spoke to Trixie, who nodded.

"Why are the more dangerous ones the ones who get guards?" Celly asked as the quartet moved forward slowly in formation around the Big Guy.

"Ooo! Ooo!" Pinkie cried out and pointed. She strained forwards as if someone were holding her back by her tail, but she kept pointing.

Inside the enclosure was a dissected creature. It looked vaguely like a teenaged dragon, but the internal arrangement was completely lacking.

"Wait a second," he said as he removed from his pack, and set up his special camera on a tripod. Pinkie dashed outside and let out a happy shout. She dashed back in, serious demeanor restored.

"I think that mare has a finite storage of insanity, and then has to bleed it off," he commented as he took the UV photo of the mini-dragon. His suspicions were instantly confirmed. He called Trixie over to verify the patterns on the dragon's body matched the marking they'd seen under ultraviolet on the monster plant's lure in the Everfree.

As the showmare nervously nodded, he showed the photos to Celly. "We fought a monster in the Everfree that had these same hidden markings. I suspected it was Nistag's work from what Discord told me. But now we have some proof. The question becomes, how alive are the rest of these specimens? If that's a plant rather than an animal, is it alive? Still alive?"

"If you're trying to get us to relax," Celly commented as she glanced back at the very mobile plant in the solid enclosure, "You're failing miserably. Now you've got me expecting those dead things to wake up and burst out of their enclosures. All torn open like that."

"Pretty gruesome image from the princess of love and friendship. I approve," he replied as he swung the camera around and took several shots of the lab, before they disturbed anything.

Pinkie let out a cry of mortal anguish and pain. Celly and Trixie charged over. There Pinkie pronked in place in front of a red button the size of a dinner plate. As she bounced, a hoof would reach out, only to return to vertical before she could touch the button. She squealed in frustration. Trixie grabbed her in midbounce with her horn magic and carried her outside.

"Don't you dare!" Celly warned as he looked at the button.

"Photographs," he explained and took several pictures, changing the filters on the lens as he did. "Visible, Infrared and Ultraviolet." He looked around at the place. "I'm not going to touch anything until I can read what it says. But I think we need to turn this over to some other authorities. I'll relock the door, but I doubt I can put everything back in stasis, unless that's a normal function of the door lock. We can get Sparkle and Princess Luna in here to look this place over. I'd like to be able to use this as a lab, and all the equipment, but I'll leave that decision to the crown."

"Now I am worried, you're being too reasonable," Celly said.

"I'm through fighting battles I don't have to," he replied, "We located it, we accessed it. The crown has got to have investigators for ancient sites like this. Or the nobles do. This place is also historical, and may have notes on the situation before Discord and Nightmare Moon. Records that others will want undisturbed. I can have any of the glassware or devices duplicated from what they find in here. Because I know at least one of them exists."

"Okay, finish your photos." Celly fluttered her wings. "This place gives me the creeps."

"You've faced worse," he replied.

"Not what this implies. It isn't just Nistag's work, but I remember some of the things he created. To know his lab was so close to the capital worries me. That anything that pokes its head out and waggles its claws at us could have escaped to threaten my world." She looked around nervously. "I think incinerating this place might be a better option."

"We might need the notes to reestablish the talking trees network," he pointed out.

"Assuming that the notes exist, and aren't encrypted," Celly pointed out.

"Let's go, we secured our flank, and now let's deal with a happy surprise," he said as he headed towards the entrance.

Celly backed out, trying to see what had her on edge. All she saw was her own reflection distorted in the laboratory glassware. She listened intently for some over confident construct or trap to think her attention was withdrawn.

The faint crack woke Luna out of her slumber. Aside from raising and lowering the moon, she'd been with the horn-egg in her bedroom the entire time. Keeping the strange egg under her wing. She nodded to the guard who'd been tasked with the job of waiting in Luna's bedchambers and alerting Celestia that there was activity from the egg.

I'd think the thing would have bulged some, or reacted some way to being ready to 'hatch', Luna thought as the faint sounds from the egg became audible. Scratching. Tapping. Those almost sound like incantations, she thought as she listened.

Celestia raced into the room, more excited than Luna could remember seeing her. She only regained her usual composure when she saw that Luna still had the egg cradled under a wing. "So, no hatching yet?"

"I just heard the crack, and can't see any damage to the shell," Luna offered, "But I think it's started."

"So no explosion and a cry of 'cower brief mortals!'?" Celestia asked and grinned.

"Not yet," Luna said sourly, "But a mix of you and Nightmare should be very interesting."

"It would be just like him to make this an ordinary filly," Celestia said as she looked at the horn-egg under her sister's wing.

"So, is this an inconvenient time?" Cadence asked as she entered.

"Not really," Celestia said, "Maybe that's the delay."

"How did you find out?" Luna asked.

"You used a guard," Cadence said as she approached, "And you remember who's my special somepony?"

"I need to talk to him about security," Luna said.

"Oh, I already talked to him about it," Cadence said as she stood opposite Celestia, "And I was able to convince him not to have the Elements of Harmony on call for this."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Has everyone gone mad?"

"Considering what that child's parents and source are, I'm surprised you were able to convince him," Celestia said.

"It was easy, if all three of us were here, he's still sent a team to get the Elements and Bearers ready as a back up." Cadence giggled at Luna's disgust.

There was another soft crack, and Luna peered at the horn-egg. "I think this one is going to take her own sweet time."

The three alicorns settled in to wait.

The Big Guy got Pinkie's attention as she helped pull the Mark 88 party cannons into the geode-like cavern where the house stood. He glanced at the soon-to-be recipient of the party they'd planned out. Pinkie gave a firm nod and happily considered the decoration loads she had for both cannons.

At least I didn't mix up the streamers and the cake batter, she thought as they walked around the house to the front, and the area where the two vehicles were parked.

"Are we going to risk trying the front door?" Trixie asked as she looked at it. The walkway was a duplicate of the walkway that led to Ponyville, but no one had tried the front door to see where it now led. Since opening the door from the inside always led to the Ponyville corridor.

The Big Guy reached into the truck. A moment later, the garage door began to rise. Segments folding up along their tracks.

"Tada!" Pinkie called and fired both cannons to lay down the decorations.

Inside the garage, Woona, Sveti and the Apples pulled the wagon out into the open.

"Well, say something," Pinkie said to Trixie as the showmare bit her lip and trembled.

"Wahhaaa!" the showmare shouted as she wrapped her forelegs around the Big Guy's waist and burst into tears.

He knelt down to put his arms around Trixie's neck while the showmare sobbed on his shoulder.

"Shouldn't she be happy?" Applebloom asked Cheerilee.

"Sometimes you're so happy, you cry," Cheerilee said wistfully as she watched him stroking Trixie's mane and murmuring to her softly.

Pinkie couldn't stand it, she dashed over threw her hooves around both of them and began crying. A moment later, the Crusaders and other student added their sobs and hugs to the pile. For some reason, Woona, Sveti and Celly were laughing.

It was several minutes later when everyone dried their eyes and let go. Allowing the Big Guy to lead Trixie over to her new show wagon. He easily picked up one end, then moved around to pick up the other, showing its light weight, and he showed the wheels that were easily twice as wide as normal wheels. They went inside and he showed her all the fancy designing he'd done. The fold down bunk, all the storage spaces for props, even a few hidden places for her to hide valuables.

The Apples brought out several bundles of material. Pinkie recognized some as the remains of Trixie's first wagon. The others were newly purchases or newly built versions of the destroyed props.

At this, Trixie again burst into tears. Celly and Woona approached and soothed the sobbing mare in the Big Guy's arms.

"Is she gonna put on a show?" Featherweight whispered to Pinkie.

"Only if she wants to, and I don't think she wants to," Pinkie whispered back, "Let her enjoy the party."

"But she's crying all the time," Applebloom said, but her tearful glances at Jonathan and Johnny told Pinkie that Applebloom sort of understood.

Pinkie smiled sadly at Trixie's tear-filled smile to the Big Guy and his soft smile back. She heard Cheerilee sigh similarly. I think she's sighing about something else, Pinkie thought, and sighed herself about how she'd nearly lost him as a friend forever. She found herself sniffling, despite being so happy.

The crack sounding through Luna's bed chamber was loud enough, even the guard at Luna's door reacted. Since no royal pediatrician or midwife existed, the guards had brought two of each from their families. Ponies who knew each other and would work together. The guards were wary, the alicorns excited, and the rest of the palace was in an absolute tizzy over the idea of a royal birth, even if it was a foundling.

The professionals waited, they knew that foals came at their own time, and that they were ready if needed. Cadence was practically dancing with anticipation as she shifted from hoof to hoof. Celestia managed a more serene exterior, but Luna could tell her sister was even more excited that Cadence.

Almost as excited as I am, Luna thought, every bit the serene, lunar princess outside, while feeling like a filly on her first rollerskates inside.

Blankets had been piled up so Luna could more easily watch the horn-egg hatching with having to cover it with her wing to provide warmth.

Another crack, and the horn split right down the middle. The guards got ready. The midwives and pediatricians also prepared themselves. Cadence let out a little squeal of anticipation. Luna stared at the fissure and waiting, wondered.

The horn split open and vanished. In it's place was a slate gray foal with white wings and a white horn. The matted mane was several shades of azure. The foal gave a great yawn.

Then she opened her eyes. The biggest, greenest eyes most of them had ever seen. The foal looked around numbly at all the ponies taking such an interest. But Luna collected her with her wing. The foal looked wearily at Luna, smiled and snuggled against her.

"I beg both your pardons," the older pediatrician said, and rested her nose against the foal's side. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling and listening. "She's healthy, and we should take our leave for a bit. Mother and daughter's first suckling should be private.

"Did you arrange for a wet nurse?" Cadence gasped.

"Something like that," Luna admitted shyly, as Celestia and the doctors shooed the crowd out of the room.

"Tia, please stay," Luna said softly, "If you're going to spoil her rotten, you should have some embarrassing anecdotes as well."

Celestia nodded and approached, while the foal struggled to stand on the soft, uneven bedding. She'd managed to get one or two legs under her, but the third would prove her undoing. The foal finally gave up trying to stand up completely, and just turned around. Luna guided her to what she wanted, and the foal was soon suckling happily.

Luna looked up at her sister, and shared her tearful happiness.

"Now you'll have to marry him," Celestia teased as she nuzzled her sister, "After all, I can't see you as a single mother."

"I keep expecting someone to crash in with some disaster to report," Luna said quietly, then glanced down at the foal who'd stopped suckling, was sitting up, and doing a remarkable impersonation of Winston Churchill. "Are you -?"

The foal belched up about half the milk she'd guzzled down, all over Luna.

"That does not qualify," Luna said to her sister as Celestia chuckled into her hoof.

"I'll get some towels and washcloths," Celestia said, and cantered to the bathroom, from which sound of laughter could be heard.

"You certainly are the Big Guy's daughter," Luna said. The foal just grinned and burbled happily.

Pinkie noted happily that while the party was definitely winding down, a good time had been had by all. Trixie still looked at the wagon and gave little sniffles. The Apples and Applebloom seemed to be going over a photo album from the other world, showing how they'd lived their lives. Which was only slightly different from how they'd lived here.

I wish I'd had a camera when Johnny Cake walked into Cupcake Corners, Pinkie thought. She giggled at the shocked reaction on the Cake's faces, especially when Trixie explained the whole thing. She considered the mare who was again hugging the Big Guy. I can't imagine what it would be like without my friends, she thought quietly as she sat and watched the smiles bloom on both of them. I just wonder who the other surprise party he asked me to help with is for. This one was easy, get a few friends, and some of Trixie's fans, and have a party. But the one he's got me helping with is going to get most of Ponyville. Of course he can't tell me, but I think he wouldn't tell me even if he could, even if he was physically able to. So while he and I have half of Ponyville spun up for this big party, nopony is talking to anypony about it. All business as usual. I almost think he's planning a surprise birthday party for Princess Celestia . . . Pinkie froze in horror. Wait a second! No, Twilight has to know the Princess' birthday. But what if she doesn't? What if nopony ever gave Celestia a birthday party?

Pinkie burst into tears at the thought. Then stopped. "If she wanted a birthday party, she'd say something, silly filly," she chided herself and shook off the frost.

She cantered over to Trixie and the Big Guy. The Big Guy had pulled out a large map of Equestria and a calendar. From his gestures, he seemed to be trying to get Trixie to plot out her itinerary. All he was managing to do is get her more teary-eyed and sniffly.

"Hello, Pinkie," Trixie said, then blew her nose on the cloth he offered her, "Thank you for the party, it was wonderful."

"If it was so wonderful, why are you still all weepy-seepy?" Pinkie asked, she knew the answer but wanted Trixie to think about it.

"Because no one's ever done this for me before," she tearfully admitted. "And now, I'm going away."

"But you'll come back," Pinkie said cheerfully, "And you can tell them all your stories about the crowds and the excitement!"

Pinkie didn't understand why Trixie again burst into tears and fiercely hugged the Big Guy. She nuzzled the tearful mare and let her cry herself out. Pinkie smiled at the Big Guy and shook her head at Trixie's outburst. He just shrugged and kept scratching Trixie behind the ears.

Teal eyes stared into brilliant green. Even when Luna moved her head the foal's eyes tracked. Luna got nose to nose with the foal and nuzzled her gently, and while the foal giggled, she still stared intently with absolute fascination at Luna. Luna grinned and moved her head slightly. The foal, her foal, craned her neck to keep staring. Luna moved again, and her foal stood on two legs to keep staring. Luna moved again. Although wobbly, the foal stood on four legs. She then took a wobbly step forward, and fell onto the blankets.

Her foal frowned and clambered up on four legs again, and seemed to regard her wobbly condition with a mix of betrayal and determination. Once stable, she took another step, and froze as the legs got wobbly again. She surveyed them, and once satisfied, took another step. This was satisfactorily unwobbly, so she took a third, then checked. The fourth and those that followed while unsteady seemed to satisfy her.

Luna bowed her head, thinking it would force her foal to sit. Instead, the foal continued up to the side of Luna's head and flicked one of Luna's ears with her nose. Luna flicked it in response. The foal giggled. Luna flicked her ears this way and that, and soon had the little pony lying on the bedding in hysterics.

"We need a name for you," Luna said and the still giggling foal tried to stand. Luna flicked her ears and the foal collapsed in delighted laughter again.

"How about Pumpkin Dreamer?" Cadence asked as she entered Luna's bedchamber. She lowered her head so the foal could see her, and flicked her ears. She was surprised when the foal just stared at her.

"It's the color change," Shining Armor said as he entered, "Watch." He let a bit of his mane cascade in front of his face. The little foal giggled happily. "Twilie used to get fascinated by the window shades and the buzz they made when the wind moved through them."

"So Twilight's first words were buzz?" Luna asked.

"No," Armor said as he blushed, "She started talking late, and her first word was one my father used when he hit his hoof with a hammer."

The two princesses giggled at that.

"It wasn't like that," Armor insisted. "My father never swore, but the mismatch of sounds and sort of words was exactly the sort of puzzle that appealed to Twilie. And she'd try to sound like dad. Which could get very confusing in a crowded place when she'd happily bellow that out at the top of her lungs."

Cadence and Luna laughed at the image of little Twilight belting out something like that. Shining fluttered his mane again, having the little one add to the giggles.

"I like the dreamer part," Luna said, "And I get the pumpkin/moon reference, but they don't go together, unless I want her to challenge the Apple Family as produce mavens."

"You could ask the Big Guy, from what I understand, Celly and Woona are literate in Equestrian, although they pronounce it in a completely different way," Armor suggested, and cascaded his mane agin, setting the foal into giggles again.

"Yes, invite him to Canterlot. For an official naming ceremony. Let everyone get a look at her," Cadence said.

" 'Everyone'?" Luna asked worriedly and glanced at the giggling foal, "The nobles too? I can imagine what they'll say about another Alicorn. Especially one with so interesting a pedigree." When the foal seemed to sense her mother's mood, Luna flicked her ears and set her foal giggling.

"Better sooner than later," Cadence said, "And then that'll give the nobles something concrete rather than nebulous to focus on."

"Yes, my child," Luna said sadly.

"You could move her in with her dad," Armor suggested.

Luna sniffed, and grimaced. "Yes, let him change diapers for a while."

Cadence and Armor chuckled.

"You'll be going through this soon enough," Luna warned and carried the foal to the changing table. Cadence and Shining glanced at each other and grimaced.

Trixie had been packed off to bed, still randomly hugging the ponies who'd helped rebuild her wagon. The Big Guy was putting the last dishes in the washing machine. Something's wrong, Celly thought as she watched him from the dining room.

"Are you all right?" she asked as she entered the kitchen, keeping her voice low so as not to attract attention.

Did I do this? Celly worried, He seems so invulnerable about most things, then something trivial send him into a tailspin. Maybe I should have eased into it.

"You seem to be delaying going to bed as long as possible." She fluttered towards him, as Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy would have. "All this could have waited until tomorrow."

Frankly Trixie wants a one, last, long snuggle before she leaves, she didn't say.

"Yes, I guess I don't like having guessed so wrong about you ponies. I know people pretty well. As I kid I spent seven summers around horses. But I completely missed it. What else am I missing?"

Celly was about to answer, then decided to answer the deeper question, "Derpy isn't about to attack you in your sleep. None of us are. What she wants more than anything, is a father to her foal or foals. The stallion who impregnated her thought it was a joke, and none of the others in town put up with her." She approached the Big Guy and smiled at him. "You defended and rescued Dinky right out of the box, had no problem looking after her again. Help her with her math, make sure she'd got lunch in the morning and play with her as a good father would. Having more foals is a plus, but that's negotiable. Derpy loves you for the father you've been to Dinky. Being her husband and father of more foals is something she wants, but on terms both of you can accept." She closed on him, close enough to touch him, but not touching him.

I think I did overdo it, she thought as she settled on the countertop so she could look him in the eyes.

"Trixie wants a home, people who'll miss her when she's gone, and welcome her back." She nuzzled him gently.

Or, are you afraid of something else? she wondered.

"Sveti has her job, Lyra is like Twilight, and Twilight wants to learn absolutely everything you know," she said as she leaned closer, "They only disagree on what's first and how to get it."

Careful! she warned herself as she moved back after edging towards him, Too many teenage hormones and too much 'desire to comfort'. Damn nubile drives only care 'when we gettin' down to begettin?" which doesn't help my thinking one little bit.

"And Celly wants . . . ?" he asked.

"What?!" Celly gasped and shied back, nearly tumbling off the counter as she realized she'd missed the first, and possibly the second time he asked because she was ogling his face when he'd asked. "What do you mean?" she asked as he carefully stroked her ears. She nearly purred at the sensual joy of the touch.

"Celly doesn't have to flip up her tail and take whatever comes to have a home with people who care for her," he said quietly and kissed her on the nose.

She shivered and tried to think of anything to say in response. She felt herself blushing, then a chill in her guts as she worried if he was 'letting her down easy' and rejecting her. Then she'd discard that thought as she realized he'd said 'have to'. Gah, quit it! I'm getting as bad as Twilight! she thought hastily, trying to master her raging thoughts and emotions.

"I'm a bit long in the tooth for that kind of exchange. I also don't understand why. I have to be kind of goofy looking to a pony. As for my preferences, I'd rather have some who'll help put away the dishes, help clean the house, and be there to drag me away from the cliff's edge by the scruff of the neck, or catch me if I have to jump off. If you want to stay, then stay. If you want to go, then go. But going or staying only requires going or staying, you don't have to give up more than you have to."

Celly found herself tearing up. Feeling on steadier emotional ground, she approached again. "But if I want, more?" she asked quietly, "You asked what does Celly want." She grinned. "Celly would like to toss you on to the kitchen floor and start making baby alicorns." She chuckled at that, then sobered. "Celestia, would like someone who doesn't treat her as a cherished ornament, brought out when you need something festive, and put away under wraps the rest of the time, when simpler joys are in the offing. Maybe Celly, maybe I don't mind flipping up my tail to the right male. And you aren't 'goofy', you're curious and intriguing. Besides, how did creatures who look like ponies, suddenly decide I was the ruler, heh, of how appearance would be judged. I should be creepy."

She nuzzled him. "Maybe one who's first reaction to me and my corrupted sister was not to run in fear, or 'know' that I'd work it out, but to think how to save both of us." She let her tears fall. "I hate being alone. I hate being the one everyone depends on to fix everything." She looked up at him, his faint smile and the gentle stroking of her mane and ears relaxing and reassuring her. "I want to stay. I want to stay with you. I may just jump off the cliff with you. I can fly after all." She leaned close, resting her nose on his and whispered huskily, "And you know what ponies say? Once he's on your back, with his hind feet in the air, you have him." Without moving her head, she licked the lobes of his ears. And giggled at his stunned expression. "When I was with you, your chest against my back, and you holding me tight. I had the most naughty dreams. I loved it." She licked his nose as she sat back.

"Then that's separate from room and board," he managed, nearly beet red at the implications.

She stroked his face with her wing. "But what are you afraid of? We won't do anything until you're ready," she assured him, "But you're still afraid. Of what?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Well, you ponies pay more attention this way." Then sang.

"I've lived over half my life, and she's only just nineteen.
Will she wake up one day and find that she's really changed her mind, and she's not in love with me?"
"Does she love the man I am? Is it her Father that she sees?
She has time to be unsure, for her there's time to find a cure. But not for me."

Celly leaned against him and enfolded him in a wing hug.

"So, before she breaks my heart I must say 'go'.
Before she breaks my heart I must say 'no'".
"She can't stay (She can't stay). I must make her go away.
However hard she cries, if I have to tell her lies, before she breaks my heart."

She snuffled and rubbed her cheek against his neck.

"As I stand alone, I vow that today will be the day.
That I'll find the strength somehow, to end it here and now: to tell her she can't stay."

He pulled back from her, and rested his nose against hers.

"Then she'll walk into the room, and her arms will open wide.
It's not a little girl I see, but a woman, warm and free who wants me by her side."
"But before she breaks my heart I must say 'go'.
Before she breaks my heart I must say 'no'."

She smiled but felt like crying.

"She can't stay (She can't stay). I must make her go away.
However hard she cries, if I have to tell her lies before she breaks my heart.
Before she breaks my heart."

"I don't think you're my father. He'd be horrified by you. Too soft, and too hard," Celly explained between little sniffles. "I know the difference between a love-mate and a help-mate, and I want to be both. I want to be your both."

He enfolded her in a hug and she wrapped her forelegs around her neck and her wings around his back. Celly found herself crying again.

BANG!

She woke suddenly from the dream and looked around. Nowhere around her were the bloody rags of her mother's remains. Her disguise as a simple rock on the property hadn't been breeched. She glanced up at the kitchen window and damned her foolishness. Falling asleep like that, she cursed herself, Where anypony could find me. When she moved, to her horror, she realized the source of her nightmare.

She felt bloated and distended, as her mother's fate in her dream had become her's in truth. But she was making love to him as Celly, and he was under her spell, she thought as she moved gingerly to avoid the discomfort, This shouldn't be happening. He and Celly are making eyes at each other, I shouldn't be picking up the 'excess'. She shuddered at her remembrance of the dream, of her mother realizing too late her condition, or the strength of the Big Guy's feelings towards Celly, when her mother had swelled suddenly, uncontrollably in reaction, and then violently burst. This can't be happening, she told herself, Only . . .

The thought left her cold. In the space a perhaps a minute she'd realized there were two new and unconsidered ways her mother could be destroyed. First, she could get everything she thought she wanted, too fast for her to handle. Second, her own daughter could replace her.

No, no, no! I love my mother, I don't want her hurt, I don't want to replace her and I don't want to fail her! she wanted to scream in anguish from the physical and emotional pain lancing into her. Instead, she waited for Celly and the Big Guy to go elsewhere so she could slip away. The feeling of bloating grew slowly worse, but she knew there'd be no explosion, save when her mother learned what she could do.

"I can't imagine the ponies not thinking you're at least, 'curious and intriguing'. Even as a biped I think you're very pretty, even beautiful," he said a they walked across the living room, headed to the bedroom.

She grinned and leaned her head against him. He stroked her mane, and she chuckled.

"Care to share?" he asked.

"All the old stories about a filly and her dog," Celly said, "Woof, I am about the right size for a good-sized human dog."

"Yes, maybe a greyhound," he mused. They chuckled together at that.

They walked side by side to the bedroom. Both of them smiling shyly at each other. Then Celly and the Big Guy noted the collection of grinning, sniffly ponies and a griffon waiting for them at the entrance.

Celly felt a brief stab of panic.

"You can see into the kitchen from the bedroom glass door. One of the reasons I bought this place," he explained, "And Woona can read lips. She might not be able to speak it, but the written language is similar she could have subtitled it."

Woona stared in amazement. "When you get something wrong, you don't go half way. But that's still brilliant," Woona said in amazement, "We were watching the hugging and the kissing." She sniffled, and that seemed the signal for a standing pony pile as they surrounded the pair and all started happily crying.

After several minutes, they seemed willing and even eager to escort the pair to the bed. The Apples slipped away to sleep together in the living room as they had before.

Celly was abruptly thunderstruck as she realized Blueblood had been among the crowd of tearfully celebrating ponies before he headed to the guest room. I wonder if Discord had some effect on him, she thought as they settled on the bed. She glanced at Derpy, raised an eyebrow and mimed biting. The mare blushed furiously, then smiled and nodded. Celly nodded and laughed at the thought of how he'd react when he found out. I may hurt myself when he reverses it and bites say Trixie, or better yet, Luna, Celly thought and struggled not to burst out laughing.

He knew from the hidden giggles as he came out of the bathroom after his shower, he was in for something. Come on, he reminded himself, None of them has really tried to hurt you. And the primary offender in that regard in ponydom has only hurt you at second-hand.

The instant he sat on the bed, Derpy sat in front of him, and Celly behind. He forced back instincts which recent events had awakened, and sat very still. He looked around and the others were looking on with expectation, except for Luna and Bonbon who were, with varying degrees of disgust at their fellow ponies, gesturing at him to be calm. The raised, waving hooves and nervous smiles from the pair told him that they at least thought he was safe, until he reacted. Then they're worried no one might be, he realized.

The two mares sandwiching him seemed to be trying to nuzzle his neck in tandem. Bonbon looked ready to chew her hooves, while Lyra and Trixie looked bedazzled. Even Sveti looked expectant, although Luna looked ready to jump out of her skin.

Great no consensus over whether this is good or bad, just very watchable, he thought as steeled himself.

Then they bit him, together, on the trapezius muscles. Not enough to break his skin, bruise him or draw blood, but definitely hard enough he could feel the shape of their teeth. That they both immediately pulled back and lapsed into nervous giggling told him they weren't sure how he'd react. He looked around, and expectant looks still greeted him. Although both Luna and Bonbon were innocently scratching the backs of their necks the exact same way and the exact same place.

As Derpy nervously returned from checking on Dinky, he slipped an arm around her barrel, and nibbled her spine where her neck met her back.

To his amazement, her wings knifed out like switchblades, and Derpy froze. If those had been more than feathers, she would have cut me in half, he thought worriedly as most of the ponies stared, and made soft, nervous sounds. Although Celly's eyes were so wide and her ears stood up so straight she might have been hanging from the ceiling by them.

Only Bonbon reacted differently. He could tell hearty laughter when he heard it.

I'm glad I finally made sour-puss laugh, but what's going on. Okay, I trusted them, they'll have to trust me, he thought.

Bonbon passed the near-catatonic Lyra and Trixie, and collected the equally awestruck Dinky. She said something jocular to Derpy that made the mare's shivers even worse. Then she tapped her on the head and said something sharp while waving a hoof at him. Bonbon glanced at him, gave him a sad smile and sighed. He nodded and shrugged. Bonbon headed for the door with Dinky.

The last sane ones, and we can't talk to each other, he thought, then turned to face Celly, who was looking a bit too eagerly enthusiastic.

"You're too young just yet," he told her.

Her wings drooped, along with her ears, and she poured all the sadness of the universe into one soulful, puppy-dog-eyed gaze at him. She was even biting her lip.

"Now you're definitely too young," he replied.

At that point, Luna made a noise like a chainsaw almost starting. She tried to stifle her laughter and ran after Bonbon and Dinky.

Hell with it, he thought and brushed Derpy's mane aside and began nibbling her spine down her neck and across her back. Derpy made frantic, little whining sounds, and her wings stretched out farther and farther. Her whole body trembled but she made no effort to run away or call from help from the others.

Idiots! Bonbon wanted to shout back at them as Woona scampered up to them, nearly in hysterics from stifling her own giggles.

"It isn't that funny," Bonbon whispered sharply as she nosed open the door to the room Blueblood had claimed.

The stallion raised his head from his mattress on the floor at the intrusion.

"I think it's better if the little ones bunk here tonight, your Highness," she added the last in a deferential tone. She nodded to the two fillies walked slightly in front of her.

"Is that what you meant when you told momma 'you wanted a stallion, not you've got a real one'?" Dinky looked up and asked. Bonbon froze at the innocent sounding question.

"Undoubtedly," Blueblood said after a brief shudder. His horn glowed and he pulled the mattress off the trundle bed under the daybed. He put the trundle itself atop the daybed. He'd already pulled the mattress and bedding off the daybed and had it arranged on the floor. He began moving his bedding under the daybed.

"I'd rather have the 'cave', if it's all the same to you," Bonbon said, ignoring the giggles from the two fillies.

Blueblood raised an elegant eyebrow, but settled the trundle's mattress and bedding in the hollow beneath the daybed where the trundle normally rested. "Are you going to answer her question?" Blueblood asked in a supercilious tone.

"Do you want to explain two mares biting a stallion where the neck meets the back, then the stallion biting the mare back?" Bonbon asked acidly, "To them?" She raised a caustic eyebrow.

Blueblood settled in and explained, "If they bit him at the same time, they were agreeing to share his, attentions, and to vet, or sort, any other mare who got close. It's a very old, almost instinctive custom, and if he doesn't react, it sends a clear signal that he accepts them as his mares. His biting them? Her? You said 'mare'."

"Dinky's mom, Derpy, and Celly bit him, he bit Derpy back. Rather elaborately," Bonbon said.

Woona's wings snapped out.

"Poof! Momma went like that," Dinky said and giggled delightedly, then she frowned, "Then Bonbon yelled at momma that she wanted a stallion, and now she had a real one."

"Your Highness?" Bonbon asked.

The prince glared at her. "Young lady, there are some mommies and daddies who would sit together during the Sisterhood Social shouting encouragement to their daughters with all the gusto they could manage. Those same mommies and daddies, do not exchange cards on Hearts and Hooves Day."

"But, then why are they still together?" Dinky asked.

"Because they still love their foals with all their hearts," the prince said, sounding almost wistful, "The Big Guy and Derpy care for you very much. They are trying, slowly, cautiously to move from shouting encouragements to you, to feeling like they can exchange Hearts and Hooves Day cards, without being hurt," he replied as he laid his head down. "They've both been hurt very badly."

"How?" Dinky asked.

"Your mother was abandoned by the stallion who sired you, and the Big Guy, this house was designed for a family, not one stallion with a collection of books and memories. He probably loved his wife and children very much, but they've all moved on. That hurts, and now they have to avoid the hurts and try to come together. That's something they don't want you to watch, because if it doesn't work, they still want to love you for yourself. Before you ask whether peeking will harm things, just stay here, and you won't have to worry. It's a delicate time for them, love them both, but let them have a little time without you. They don't love you less because they need time with other adults."

"That makes no sense," Dinky complained.

"Is your momma loveable?" Blueblood asked.

"Yes," Dinky insisted, "She's the most loveable pony there is!"

"Then let him have time to discover that. It hurts when you lose someone you love, it frightens you when you start feeling the same to another. 'Am I going to lose them too?' 'How will I live through that kind of pain?' When the Diamond Dogs broke your leg, imagine feeling just like that when you see a picture of someone, or remember them, or hear a song they liked, or a scene they loved. You'd try to avoid that, wouldn't you?"

"I guess. I didn't like getting hurt," Dinky admitted.

"But if you had to break your own leg to save your momma's life? Would you do it, despite how much it hurt?" Blueblood asked.

"Of course!" The filly stomped a hoof.

"But would you do it if all she had was a splinter?" Blueblood asked.

"How are those related?" Dinky asked.

"They have to find out how far they have to go, are they willing to break their leg for the other person, or just stay friends."

Dinky still looked confused.

"Dinky," Bonbon began, "Is he a giant pony, or is he something else?"

"He's something else," Dinky giggled, "Who'd think he was a giant pony?"

"But a lot of people are treating him as a giant pony," Bonbon answered, "And that's the other problem. You saw how scared he was about getting bit, but among ponies it's not a big deal. They need some privacy."

Dinky shook her head. "I'm getting all spinny," she admitted.

"So let them get spinny, and unspinny," Blueblood told her, "And you get some sleep." His horn glowed and the bedding covered the filly.

Woona and Bonbon continued to stare at the prince.

"What?" he asked softly.

"You don't match up with what Rarity said about you," Bonbon said, "Or what the papers say about you."

"Upsetting the daughter of the man who is letting me stay for a little artisan work, is not healthy," Blueblood said dismissively, "Your problem is you want the big, bad Ponyville Monster to chase you, but you haven't figured out what he should do when he catches you."

"What?!" Bonbon hissed through clenched teeth, "Just because I don't have a stallion of my own, you think I have to have the one my friend wants?"

"No, I think you are the only one who's paying attention to his real needs, and how dangerous not meeting them is. You also like the danger, which you also realize is safety. I was at the Edge of Everfree battle. You aren't the first mare, or stallion, who wondered what getting chased by him would be like. I won't go into the speculation of the penalty for getting caught was. Some of the mares were positively lurid in their, ah fabrications. Vital fluids red and white, as well as afflictions and the hunt itself. It was quite an education, but then the 'saddle-rippers' are quite popular. Cruel Eyes with a hideous reputation, and our mare rejected by ordinary stallions because she is smart and plain tames him, by proving her worth or not breaking when he challenges, or understands that his love is the chase. Tell me that isn't the gentleman just a few doors down, and tell me that you aren't as intrigued as everyone else who's drifted into his orbit."

"What about you?" Bonbon accused.

"That's a story for another night," Blueblood said as he returned to sleep.

Bonbon glanced over and Woona was fast asleep. Rubbish, she thought, I don't want to be chased by him. I want to be chased and caught by Lyra. She grinned at that. But Lyra near took the hint. Maybe, she smirked, It would be fun, let him boil off a little hunting energy. And Lyra would be home when I got back. She grinned at that.

Derpy kept her head down with her legs folded tightly beneath her, she could only feel her overextended wings through the numbness because they were beginning to hurt. I don't think I'll be flying much tomorrow, she thought, trying to stave off the paralyzing fear and excitement. He was lying diagonally across her back. He's not straddling my hips, and I pray to all good spirits that he doesn't know what the wings out means, she thought helplessly as she suppressed another round of shivers. His slow steady breathing and arms around her neck didn't help either.

It's almost as bad as when he tried to massage my wing muscles, she thought, Like it was a charlie horse or something. She stifled a sigh at the idea that this alien creature thought more of her than most ponies did. Despite all we agreed on, I'm ready now, she thought with a bit of frustration, But we agreed, and we both need clearer heads. If he doesn't know how ponies work, and I don't think I know how his people work, we could hurt ourselves or worse, each other. I don't want that. Not when we've come so close.

The others had closed in around her, making 'escape' impossible and giving her a warm comfort that she eagerly welcomed. With just the nagging suspicion she was going to be teased about him falling asleep before she finished.

Day 31

Trixie was up early, she hated doing what she was doing. But the Great and Powerful Trixie needs to be on the road, she thought. She glanced over at the volunteer who was helping her in the garage break down her wagon so it would fit through the front door.

"The life on the road isn't all glamor," she reminded Blueblood, "And it'll take more than a little paint and dye to disguise you," she told the pale gray stallion with the emerald green mane and tail.

"There's also accent and attitude," he replied in a thick Vanhoover tone and took an appropriately submissive stance.

Trixie blinked and struggled to reconcile the figure before her with the arrogant royal-white unicorn she'd briefly known. She almost couldn't.

"As for being on the road, you don't know how hard I have tried to get out from under my mother's thumb. Being banished and 'disappearing' for a while is more welcome than you can imagine. And I'm not as dumb or clueless as most ponies paint me. I went through the lecture portion of several military specialties, because after all I was too delicate to endure any real hardship. This is just another role to play. I've had great experience playing the doofus, half-wit. Practically my entire career."

Trixie laughed at that. Then the Big Guy walked in with a wheeled dolly and several large pads. He pulled a set of straps out of the truck.

"Oh dear, are you up on escapes?" Blueblood asked.

The Big Guy stared at the two madly giggling ponies. Trixie waved it off. She gestured to the straps and snaked one around herself and gave him a doe-eyed stare. Before releasing the straps and lapsing into giggles again. He smiled, then grew serious as he knelt down. He gathered Trixie into a firm hug and spoke with great solemnity.

Sounds almost like a royal blessing, she thought as she rested against him, trying to drink in his scent and warmth. She looked at his smile as she drew back, he scratched behind her ears and then stood to help carry the wagon sections outside to the rest of the household.

She followed with a growing feeling of melancholy.

"You can't do both," Blueblood said, "Unless you learn to teleport home after every performance."

"I can want to, can't I?" she replied.

"Is not Igor's place to say," he replied in a Stalliongrad accent.

"Why do I think you could do this better than I can?" she asked.

"Because I've been doing it my whole life," he replied with a trace of bitterness.

She'd waited until the two guards outside the recently discovered 'Vault of Nistag' had gotten off duty, before she approached them. She walked behind them through the caverns below Canterlot. She still felt like her body was three sizes too small for what she carried in it. Which made no sense what-so-ever.

They deigned to notice her, the failure who continued to disappoint. Then her horn glowed, and both of them shuddered at what they were feeling. The small guardpony approached the two, much larger guards and stood straight.

"That's impossible," the older and much larger one said, likely the one who would dispatch her when she wore out her mother's patience. But he looked more awake, than he had.

The other, quieter one seemed equally suspicious about what had just happened. She held her tongue, letting her elder speak.

"How did you manage this?" the elder asked.

"I had him under surveillance, as ordered, when," she squirmed uncomfortably. The sensation of distention was completely gone. But the implications disquieted her. "I wasn't in any way receptive. His entire attention was on, on another target. But I still got the back spatter. It doesn't make any sense. Unless everything I've ever learned is wrong, or unless any creature in his vicinity starts working by an entirely different paradigm."

I hate talking in riddles, but this close to the capital, and especially this close to Nistag's lab, they have to be watching always, she thought and watched them consider, They know the implications of this, and what it means that I can do what I just did.

The two 'guard' who were probably also her executioners if necessary, exchanged looks. A new opportunity will soon be available," the younger guard said, "Take advantage of it, and determine the truth yourself."

She nodded and headed away. So, the showmare is leaving, she thought, That complicates and simplifies things. One fewer unicorn who doesn't look at the world like the locals do. But does that mean he'll look harder, or be distracted?

Trixie had been ready to leave, she just wanted to 'hunt down' Derpy and say good bye. She had not expected the scene in Twilight's library. Poor Derpy, wings extended to the max was tearfully regaling Twilight and Rarity with her problem. Poor kid is oblivious to the death glares from the unicorns, Trixie thought, then glanced at Rainbow Dash whose wide-eyed expression and stretched out wings made it clear her impression of Derpy's tale. I'm glad Lyra and Fluttershy are taking it in stride, although if those two smiled any wider, the tops of their heads would fall off.

"Then he massaged the muscles and the wing root," Derpy said frantically, "And it really, really worked on that wing, and it felt so good, but it made the other wing so much worse."

"How terrible for you, darling," Rarity ground out.

"Thank you, Rarity," Derpy replied, completely missing the sarcasm. "Please Twilight, you have to help me. I've tried to relax, but," Derpy said wistfully and stared off into space, "I just remember." She gestured to her wings. "And this happens," she cried, "Do you know what that's like? Do you know how embarrassing it is to go everywhere advertising well, that somepony makes you feel like that?"

"I can honestly say, I don't," Twilight managed, her ears down her head held at shoulder-height.

She looks like she's ready to either spear Derpy through the chest with her horn, drive her head straight through the wall, or both in either order, Trixie thought, Well, Trixie to the rescue.

"Derpy, you might just tell Twilight what you want, rather than telling the story about how wonderful it is to feel his fingers on your wings, the gentle nibbling of his teeth on your neck. Or how absolutely magnificent the way those fingers just make tensions melt away," she said and sighed happily. Derpy also sighed. Twilight practically growled.

I practically heard Rainbow's wings that time, Trixie thought.

"Erase Memory spell, sure, I can do that," Twilight suggested, "Anything to help a friend."

"You seem so tense," Trixie said, "Maybe Derpy can ask him to help you."

Twilight glared at Trixie. "It seems to me that -"

Derpy's sudden squeal of glee interrupted everyone. Where the wall-eyed mare had stood, a figure not unlike the Big Guy crouched on the floor of the library. Trixie instantly recognized it as a female human. Except this one appears to have functional wings, Trixie thought as the transformed Derpy extended on wing and flapped, then the other. The bluish-gray skinned, light-green maned figure instantly hugged Twilight and scratched her behind the ears.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed happily, then flew for the door. She stopped and hovered beside Fluttershy, "Uh, ah, can you, ah, you know, in case I, ah," Derpy stammered, becoming a attractive shade of purple and poking a pair of her fingers against each other.

"Of course I'll be your tender," Fluttershy said and hugged Derpy as the humanized pegasus hugged her back. Both rushed out the door and into the sky. Rainbow tried to follow, but her extended wings kept her from going through the door.

"Aw! It's not fair," Rainbow decried her fate.

Trixie suddenly noted that Rarity and Twilight had blocked her way out, and were practically crowding her into a corner. Their smiles did not bode well for the Great and Powerful Trixie.

"So, has he been neglecting you?" Rarity said, simply oozing sympathy, "No nibbling at the base of your horn, until the sparks fly."

"Uh," Trixie stammered and backed away, only to encounter the corner. "Our relationship isn't like that."

"So no fingers easing away your tensions," Twilight cooed, "No warm, solid weight across your back as you rest. Poor Trixie."

"Now she's leaving and all the other mares in town will have heard," Rarity said, as Trixie raised up to back away, "There'll be quite a line when Trixie gets back."

"Trixie will survive," Trixie replied, but saw the predatory expressions on the pairs' faces as they closed in. And Lyra was too busy laughing to help.

"It must have been terrible for you," Rarity said, "Being neglected that way. Watching other ponies treated so royally, and your needs unfulfilled." Rarity brushed up against Trixie and breathed on her ear.

"Trixie wasn't," Trixie retorted.

Twilight breathed on Trixie's other ear. "And those fingers and the hands, they can be any shape, seem to be any size. Slipping in tiny, then expanding, to touch you in ways and places a stallion never could."

"AUGH!" Trixie shouted as she vaulted over them and ran from the library, chased by the laughter of the three unicorns. She paused outside as she recognized a fourth snigger added to the cacophony.

Woona, Trixie thought, That explains everything.

"Can somepony help me!?" Rainbow Dash shouted out the door. Spike splashed her with a bucket of ice-water. "Thanks," the bedraggled pegasus said.

Trixie headed for her wagon and the sanity of the open road.

Before She Breaks My Heart - Roger Whitaker

19) What Did the Plants Say?

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - What Did the Plants Say?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 31

Rainbow Dash, still wet and cold, ran from the library and searched the skies around Ponyville. She managed to get airborne despite the wet wings and circled, searching for Derpy or the Big Guy. What she saw concerned her.

"Hello, Rainbow Dash," Spitfire asked as the Captain of the Wonderbolts formed up on her wing. "Aren't you supposed to be above the clouds when you make them rain?"

"Zeeboo hart squee," Rainbow managed. She collected herself and explained, "I was having a little problem that somebody decided a bucket of ice water was the solution."

"You shouldn't go looking in the mirror so long right after getting up," Spitfire said.

Rainbow worriedly looked at the Wonderbolt Captain, and saw her grinning. Rainbow relaxed. "Oh, I don't know, looking at the most awesome thing in Equestria is a great way to wake up."

Spitfire nodded. "Frankly, I wanted to hear about the progress with those aerial maneuvers you sent me the note about," Spitfire said.

Rainbow nearly dropped out of the sky, but quickly climbed back to fly alongside Spitfire. "Ah, heh, heh, about that."

"You forgot," Spitfire said neutrally.

Rainbow wished Nightmare Moon would return, just to stab her in the heart. The simple acceptance of her failure hurt worse than someone screaming at her would have.

Her dejection was interrupted by Derpy's happy squeal as she sailed between them and raced off. She was still in human form, had somehow acquired the Big Guy, and was carrying him in her arms and legs. Her tail stretched out behind her.

"Woo hoo," Fluttershy said as she flew after them.

Spitfire was staring after the trio as they flew away. She pointed a hoof after them as Soarin' raced after the trio. She took off her goggles, blinked a few times and watched the trio pull away from a Wonderbolt. "Uhm, do I want to know?" she asked Rainbow.

Rainbow broke out of her facehoof and looked at her fellow pegasus. "They're having a relationship moment."

"How does that explain Fluttershy outrunning Soarin'?" Spitfire asked. Her eyes tracked the flight of the group and she realized they were flying almost straight up, and leaving the Wonderbolt behind.

"Fluttershy's a better flier than most ponies give her credit for," Rainbow said, "Not as good as me, but still, really good." Rainbow smiled, and struggled to hold it against the probing gaze of her idol.

Spitfire relented. "At least that explains the delay in keeping your promise."

Rainbow relaxed. "What exactly are you here for?"

"Oh, me and Soarin' got an invitation to a party. Supposed to be a big shindig," the Wonderbolt Captain said as she flew. "And we can 'put on a display or not as we felt best'. Not having to 'perform' is a welcome bit. Plus, out of our uniforms, who'd recognize us?"

"I would!" Rainbow insisted.

"Would you?" Spitfire teased.

Rainbow had the awful feeling she'd just dug herself a very deep hole.

Cunning Ruler seemed almost disheveled as he walked into Celestia's 'day office', where she caught up on business too private or too politically sensitive to conduct at court. Here, there were no spyholes, no gallery of hidden watchers, and powerful anti-eavesdropping spells.

The young stallion set the books wrapped in brown paper on her desk, and backed away as if they were on fire. "These I believe are the books you asked for, and in my opinion, they are the best of the lot," he managed. His expression was that of a stallion who'd seen too much and gone too far.

"Thank you, Ruler," Celestia said cheerfully, "I trust you learned something from the books."

The stallion opened his mouth to reply, but whatever assurances, smart remarks or even desperate pleas for mercy were planned, nothing came out. He settled himself and bowed.

"Wondering why my friend would want such books?" she asked.

The self-assumed 'expert' on the scene of Canterlot bowed his head and shook it. "Your Highness, I had no idea."

Every generation thinks they invented sex. Ignoring the obvious proof to the contrary, Celestia thought.

"I'm glad you enjoyed reading them," Celestia said, "It's always good to develop a broader understanding of things."

"Your Highness," he said softly, "I am not entirely sure I needed that much broadening."

"Well, I'm sure you have a marefriend or two to go see." She hid her smile at his little wince. "I need to get these to a friend."

He turned. "You aren't keeping those books yourself?" he asked incredulously, "I thought that 'my friend' was just for public consumption."

"Oh no, these are for a friend," she told him cheerfully, "Stallions break so easily if they aren't properly prepared." She smiled.

He retreated as fast as decorum allowed, bowing at every step. He didn't break into a gallop until he was out of sight.

I do hope he doesn't take an oath of celibacy, she thought, That would be a shame.

She added the books to the small pile of supplementary materials she'd collected. She grinned widely as she thought, I wonder if Pinkie realizes the other reason she wanted to get these books. She snickered at the thought of the party mare discovering the truth.

Twilight found Zecora staring at the flowers of the Big Guy's apple tree. "Welcome Twilight Sparkle, I knew the tree would draw you soon, watch as the flowers track both sun and moon."

Twilight looked and every one of the blossoms was pointed directly at the sun overhead. "They track the moon as well," Twilight lamented, "I should have been out here watching. But things have been so crazy around here." She hung her head.

"Twilight Sparkle," Zecora chided, "Would not your friend, see such a thing and not attend? Notes abounding during the night I take, to discuss with you when you're awake."

Twilight raised her head and grinned. "Thanks," Twilight said relieved, "Applebloom took the pollen of Zap Apples and the pollen of Celestia's Golden Apples, and transferred them to the Big Guy's tree as a 'nonmagical substrate'. I think that there's enough magic in the tree as it is."

"Are the apples from those lovely flowers, for eating or for fearing in the witching hours?" Zecora asked.

"Attack of the Killer Apples? I think Applejack would herd them together and corral them," Twilight said, then sighed as she realized what she needed to discuss. "Zecora, the Big Guy revealed to me that my library, and your tree, might be part of a fallen civilization of plants. She sent me a letter telling me she was confident I could handle this."

"Only one 'she' could drive you to such despair, the Princess gave you the tangle to keep in your hair?" Zecora asked.

Twilight nodded.

"Tea," Zecora said and led Twilight back towards the library.

She looked over the decoration going up and the food tables being set up all over the town hall. All in preparation for the big party. But that wasn't why she was sweating and shivering like an addict gone cold turkey. Hold it together Pinkie Pie, the party mare urged herself, You don't absolutely, positively, explicitly, have to know who the party is for, Pinkie thought as she looked at the decorations being assembled in the town hall. Their color scheme could have been any of her friends, in fact it duplicated over a dozen of them including her own. Birthday? No. Anniversary? No. Cutesenara? No. What kind of party is it? she wanted to scream.

"Pinkie Pie," Mrs. Cake said, breaking through her thoughts, "The banner is here, where do you want it."

"Banner!" Pinkie brightened as she asked, "Where's the banner?"

"Over there, the collection of flags, I guess you string them on a rope to spell something out."

Pinkie's eyes widened. He did that on purpose! Pinkie wanted to shout, Calm, calm. She trotted over to the growing pile. Each flag was a single letter, and each was done in a slightly different way. Several older mares had knitted theirs, others were dyed on cloth, others looked woven. But they all were exactly the same size, with metal-grommet reinforced holes in the same place. I remember seeing the 'design', but I never thought you could give a job like this to fifty ponies and get parts so similar that they could be interchanged, Pinkie considered and suddenly realized she had no idea what the message that the banners spelled out would have been.

"Thank you Mrs. Cake, I think the Big Guy will have to string them," she said. Once Mrs. Cake was out of sight Pinkie danced and growled in frustration.

He's trying to keep a party I'm working on secret! And he's succeeding! she thought through her short tantrum and stopped to focus. Still plenty of work to do, she reminded herself.

"Oh, cupcakes, raspberry-filled, it must be for Rainbow Dash! Muffins, banana walnut, it must be for Derpy! Rarity hates apple-cinnamon bagels, so it can't be for all the ponies in the whole town, or even just the bearers," she realized as she looked at the baked goods and confections pouring in from everyone in small batches. There's a lot of stuff, but not a huge amount of any one thing, Pinkie thought in frustration, That doesn't tell me anything about who the party is for!

"You hammerin' nails back in the floor? Or is that dancin'?" Applejack asked as she handed off the plates and piles of apple treats she and the other Apples had brought in.

"Who is this party for?" Pinkie said, and snorted like a bull.

"Isn't it all right that we all have a good time?" Applejack asked, "Isn't that what a party is fer?"

"But I have to know!" Pinkie explained, then whined, "Can't you tell me?"

"Pinkie," Applejack drew close and whispered, "I know somepony who knows exactly who this is fer. All ya gotta do is ask."

"Really?!" Pinkie brightened and asked, "Who? Please, please, please, please, puuuulleeeeessse tell me?" she held Applejack's ankles and begged.

"The Big Guy, why don't you ask him?" Applejack asked.

Pinkie signed as she stood up. "I've tried that, either there's a pony with a zipper for a mouth, or he won't tell."

"Tell what?" Celestia asked as she gathered both ponies together with her wings and hugged them. "Maybe it's a naming party for Luna's new foal." She stared at the two stunned ponies. "Is there something stuck in my teeth?" Celestia asked with mock horror.

"Uh, who's on the throne?" Pinkie asked worriedly as Luna escorted her new filly, whose wobbly steps took her towards dozens of new and fascinating things.

"Cadence, she needs the experience, and Shining Armor can comfort her afterwards," Celestia said, then they realized she was not wearing any of her regalia, nor was Luna. When she noted the staring, she explained, "We're here as friends, not as Princesses. In fact, I get to help with the banner."

Pinkie immediately perked up. "So you know who it's for?"

"I know the numbers of the flags that have to be in order," Celestia said, "So I could puzzle it out."

Pinkie sighed, even her hair seemed to exhale. "I think this is going to be a long afternoon."

"Well," Celestia offered, "Is there anyone in Ponyville who wasn't asked to help?"

Pinkie considered. "Not really."

"Then maybe it's for everyone in Ponyville," Celestia offered.

Pinkie grinned at the thought of a party for everypony. "Naw," she said and walked off to help set up more of the bunting that looked like Rarity's and Applejack's tails in a knot rather than a more elegant draping.

"You know, don't you your Highness," Applejack said.

"Celestia, please, I am 'out of uniform'," she offered.

"Yes'm, Celestia, you know who the party is for, don't you?" Applejack asked.

"Think like Discord for a moment, and it becomes obvious," Celestia suggested.

Applejack's eyes crossed, then she giggled.

"You know!" Pinkie said as she appeared beside them.

"And so do you," Celestia said, "Excuse me, I have a banner to work on."

Applejack and Pinkie watched in amazement as the Princess sorted through the individual flags.

"I think the party is for her, to 'get to' work like an ordinary pony," Pinkie Pie whispered to Applejack, who nodded her agreement.

"And Luna," Applejack amended. She sighed and headed towards the food tables to help set up.

Pinkie Pie considered the flock of foals around Luna and her child. Dinky and the Crusaders were keeping everypony at a short distance to not overwhelm the foal. Pinkie looked from Princess to Princess and decided she did sort of know.

"That is what heros are for," the wizard on the screen said.

The hero looked at the huge red bull driving the unicorn into the sea. "That is exactly what heros are for."

The screen went blank and Celly looked around the living room. "I was watching that!" she insisted as she spotted Woona with the remote.

"You were moping," Woona accused, "That's the second time you've watched that depressing movie all the way through. Seeing too many similarities, Amalthea?" Woona asked, "Should I check the freezer to see if you've eaten all the ice cream, or maybe you ate all the cake mixes?"

"That's not funny," Celly said as she stood up from the couch and shut off the rest of the set up and looked out the French doors to the caverns beyond.

"Celly, he didn't reject you. I haven't turned against you. Derpy needed some time with him. Alone, without all of us watching. They're both adults, what they do together is none of our business."

Celly bowed her head and pawed at the carpet with a hoof. "I know it's selfish, but I was hoping to be first." Celly looked back at Woona. "That he'd be with me, before anyone else."

"You mean aside from the mother of his children? Proof you're thinking like a teenager. Which is why he hasn't taken advantage. He's probably pining for you to be old enough, then he'll sweep you off your feet and into the clouds," Woona said theatrically as she swooped about the living room and acted out the entire drama.

"Gee, I just do not know how to thank you," Celly replied.

"Glad to help," Woona said as she landed, "But we should be getting ready for the party. How long have they been gone?"

"Three hours and twelve minutes," Celly said.

Woona stopped. "Three hours? Three hours? How could they, for three hours?"

Celly glared at Woona. "I do not know. But I wanted to find out."

"Ah," Woona said, "I'll go 'show the flag' at the party set up myself," Woona offered as she backed away from Celly. "Three hours?" she asked as she departed, "And twelve minutes?"

Celly flopped back down on the couch and glared at the television. I should help at the party, she thought morosely, Why am I so jealous that I feel like crying? After last night this was inevitable. And the day after, it's obvious what they're doing, then the thought that was really bothering her struck, And they've been doing it for three hours!

The arrival of a laughing, happy cluster did nothing to brighten her mood. The addition of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy did not help Celly's mood. They were openly laughing and nuzzling Derpy, who despite wearing his shirt tied up to keep her wings free, was back in ponyform. The two Wonderbolts, Soarin' and Spitfire, also part of the laughing pack answered the question in a thoroughly paranoid manner. The smiles and tiredness of the Big Guy put the nail in the coffin of Celly's hopes. That's what took three hours, she thought unhappily, No, I won't ruin Derpy's fun, no matter how I feel.

"You might have warned me," he accused, as the pegasi recognized the tone, they burst out in laughter.

"Warned you?" Celly asked miserably.

What, that once Derpy accepted you, the others might move you into the 'intriguing' class? she thought woefully.

"Pegasi prefer to mate in midair, 'The Best Foals are Air Foals'," he said mirthfully, "Talk about a mile-high club. But when they take a non-flying lover, they need to train a non-flier/non-cloud walker how to fall. Specifically, how to fall so a pegasus can rescue them easily."

"Fall?" Celly asked in confusion.

"Yes, Derpy picked me up and went racing around Ponyville at low level, and took me up at altitude and showed me how to spread my arms and legs to slow my fall and give a pegasus a convenient, stable target." The Big Guy stopped and cocked his head. "Why?" He grinned. "What did you think we were doing all that time?"

Celly just stared at him, but felt herself blushing more, and more, and more.

Derpy gave out a squeal and ran around slapping her butt with her wings and tail as if it were on fire. As Celly blush deepened, Derpy explained to the others, who looked from Celly to the Big Guy and all started laughing. Then Fluttershy made a comment and a gesture to encompass the entire group. Followed by stunned amazement, a stare at the Big Guy and more laughter. Rainbow even pounded the floor as she fell over laughing.

"I appreciate the compliment on my stamina, but all of them, for three hours? Even with magic, is that even possible?" he asked.

When Celly blushed even more, he added softly, "That's why I haven't take you up on your overtures. Your hormones are doing all the talking, you aren't thinking straight."

She watched as he was suddenly surrounded by sighing ponies, all looking up at him dreamily. Derpy was fine, as was Fluttershy, Rainbow made him a little concerned, Spitfire ramped it up, and Soarin' resting his head against the Big Guy's hip and sighing seemed to appall the Big Guy.

He picked Rainbow as his target. He grinned evilly and wiggled his fingers at the brash pegasus, who promptly squeaked, jumped away and tried to hide her hooves under her body and wings. The mare looked absolutely mortified, despite the friendly laughter from the others.

"There's always tickling," he told Celly, then relented, "We were just out having fun. Yes, Derpy wanted to find out what various kinds of pony day-to-day intimacy felt like. Nuzzling. Kissing. Hugs. Even biting. And I think Spitfire was shocked when her bite drew blood. It was a date, with a pack of rambunctious chaperones, who despite every encouragement to go the route you're afraid of, did more to delay their cause than advance it." He grinned and wiggled his fingers at Celly. "You could have joined us, if moping wasn't so satisfying. 'Oh my gosh, I'm not with the cool kids! My life is over!'" he wailed, then looked at the pegasi, "They're your friends. They won't begrudge you a chance to play. Frankly, it would make 'Princess' Celestia jealous, and you just want to blow past it into everybody putting you back on the shelf because you're too royal to play with? That's the part that nobody gets. Enjoy being a kid, and doing kid things. As soon as they think you're an adult, and especially a 'respectable' one, what you can do for fun changes dramatically." He laughed. "I think that's one of the reasons to have kids. A lone adult running around like a maniac is looked on with scorn. The same adult playing with their kids brings smiles to all around."

Some of the others were laughing now. Rainbow miming a screaming pony falling through space. Followed by more laughter.

"I can just imagine how you would have reacted if I told you Twilight was out there too," he said, and joined in the laughter at Celly's horrified expression.

"Then he kicked me off the cloud, again!" Twilight stood just inside the doorway to the hall and complained to her friends, and her mentor.

"Oh dear, how horrible for you," Rarity offered, gently stroking Twilight's mane to calm the overexcited unicorn. "Having to wonder which of the four, finest rescue ponies in Equestria would swoop down to collect you. And the absolute gall to accompany you on the first fall so you would know how to fall correctly. Rather than letting you scream in helpless terror and knocking your rescuers unconscious." Rarity sighed theatrically. "One just doesn't get an opportunity to savor falling to one's death, if you know you'll be rescued and how to make it easy."

Applejack let out a little snort of laughter at Twilight's slow burn at Rarity. Celestia simply watched, her expression one step below an explosion, anger or laughter was anypony's guess. The unicorns' glares at each other caused little sparks between the frowning scholar and grinning fashionista.

"But he promised not to do it, he Pinkie promised, and he booted me off the cloud a third time," Twilight grumbled.

"He broke a Pinkie Promise?" Pinkie announced as she appeared beside the four. Around them the party preparations continued. Pinkie was looking a good deal more frazzled than usual. "He broke a Pinkie Promise," she hissed.

"Now hold on Sugarcube," Applejack interjected, "How'd y'all know he was Pinkie Promisin'?"

"And how did you determine he knew exactly what you were asking him to promise?" Rarity asked.

Twilight had been ready to regale them with the details, then realized the problem. "Rainbow was lecturing him, after they swooped down and collected both of us, the second time. He nodded, and made the signs of a Pinkie Promise, and said something."

"Rainbow Dash was complaining?" Celestia said, and considered with her hoof under her chin, "He might have thought she was complaining that he hadn't made it challenging enough. After all, aerial rescue is what got Rainbow noticed by the Wonderbolts in the first place. And if she'd trained other Ponyville pegasi to do it to her high standard, it would be a good way to show off in front of the Wonderbolts. And they were there in case anything went wrong. That Derpy was training her lover before cloud-cuddling is an excellent sign that the lead pegasus of Ponyville had put her stamp on the others."

"Fluttershy did rescue me both times, and Derpy caught the Big Guy. Rainbow watched Fluttershy, and the Wonderbolts split up," Twilight admitted, calming down. Pinkie likewise accepted the explanation and reduced her promise-broken rage. "Thank you, your Highness."

"Twilight, for now it's just 'Celestia'," her mentor said and nuzzled the mare. "Or he could have been being mean and promised to boot you off the cloud again."

" 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good,'" Rarity said and giggled, "Well, you are so adorable when you panic." She leaned close and whispered, "Maybe he was trying to set you up with a nice stallion. Soarin' is quite yummy, isn't he?"

Twilight changed from purple to violet very quickly. Rarity left before Twilight could decide if she were more embarrassed or angry.

"He might want you for himself," Pinkie offered, "He did jump off the cloud that first time, to make sure you'd be safe."

Pinkie left as a mortified Twilight stared at her happily pronking friend.

"A rude way to court you." Celestia patted Twilight's shoulder. "But then you haven't been expressive about this in the past, and my other self might be giving him bad advice," Celestia commented, and walked away to see to the banner.

"He'll treat ya right when it matters," Applejack told her, and put a comradely hoof on her shoulders, "But ya gotta tell him when it matters." Applejack winked and withdrew to see to her part of the set ups.

Twilight's hair stood on end as she marched up and confronted Rarity. "Have you all gone crazy?"

"Well, you don't see him lavishing all that attention on Rainbow Dash, or the mayor," Rarity said, then sighed, "Or a beautiful unicorn who wonders about a brave knight sweeping her off her feet." Rarity glared at Twilight, then relented. "I should be jealous, but I do hope for the best. He'll keep you out of trouble." Rarity walked away.

Spike approached, and jumped back a step as Twilight's gaze fell on him. "Are you okay?"

"Every. Pony. In this. Town. Is crazy," Twilight quietly bit off every word.

"Ah, don't you live here too?" Spike pointed out.

Twilight's eyes crossed and she giggled. She kept giggling as she walked towards the entrance to the hall. She was outside when Spike dumped the bucket of ice water on her.

Derpy, Celly and the Big Guy began rubbing her with dry towels.

"Maybe we should add her to the herd," Derpy thought aloud, "She needs a keeper."

Twilight giggled again from inside the fluffy mass.

Woona trotted happily through the mass of ponies. Which ones were setting up for the party and which ones were simply there to enjoy the party was hard to determine. She couldn't figure out why Celestia was touching the noses of other ponies and saying 'beep', but Woona let it go. She had another Princess as her target.

Luna was there, with her foal. The creature spawned of Nightmare and mad Celestia's horn. No wonder Discord likes that guy, he's twice as irregular, and he's got style, Woona thought as she looked at a face mirroring her own, but as full of joy as she could ever remember. The guards are nearly as adorable as the foal herself, she added as Dinky and the Cutie Mark Crusaders let only a couple of ponies close to the foal to keep her from being overwhelmed. A few guards in plainclothes also kept a professional eye on things.

"Good afternoon, your Highness," Woona said, and projected the words in glowing script over her head.

The Lunar Diarch considered closely, then replied with Equestrian words and script. "Good morrow, Duke Woona."

Close, close enough, she thought and considered her next words carefully.

"Your foal seems very healthy and grows quickly," Woona said and projected.

Luna giggled slightly, and noted that the characters Woona had used for 'grow quickly' were used as the name of a fast-growing weed. The weed had beautiful flowers, but was otherwise useless.

Woona shrugged. "At least we can start communicating," Woona replied and projected her 'supertitles'. She nodded to the Big Guy, who with Lyra, Derpy and Bonbon, was escorting Twilight towards the drinks table. "His idea, still has bugs in it."

Luna chuckled again.

The squawk of laughter from Lyra, followed by a swat on the Big Guy's rump by Bonbon's tail made the recipient of the attention grin. Twilight was looking very confused by the situation.

Pinkie also let out a squawk as she lifted into the air, courtesy of Rarity's horn. 'I just wanted to read the banner!' Luna translated Pinkie's protest. Then added Rarity's response of 'Nope.' Rarity carried her friend away from temptation.

Luna started chuckling at that. Woona crouched down on the floor as the foal tottered over, staring intently at Woona, or more accurately, Woona's ears. Woona flicked them and the little foal collapsed in gleeful hysterics. She played that way for a while, letting the foal sober up, before flicking her ears and sending the little one into gales of laughter.

I feel no presence of Nightmare, nor of mad Celestia. It's as if this creature has the potential of both, swept clean of their taint and madness. There is the ferocious intellect, and the joy of just being alive. She smiled at the little foal and wished she could be that carefree.

The mayor cleared her throat, then again. Pinkie bounced into the air and angrily shouted something while hanging at the apex of her leap.

And Rainbow Dash thinks she is a good flier, Woona noted, Let her fly without wings.

The mayor nervously thanked Pinkie and continued on for some moments gesturing to Celestia, Luna, the Big Guy, then Celly and Woona. Each smiled and nodded to the mayor, there was polite applause. The mayor continued talking, and in the background, Pinkie was giving every indication of a volcano ready to explode.

How long can she hang on? Woona wondered as the mare struggled with some inner daemon.

Pinkie's curiosity, and her utter frustration were warring with her self-control. Some ponies would have assumed she had no self-control, but she had. Some things are just too important, she thought, But did he have to hide who the party is for SO THOROUGHLY? she wanted to scream. Celestia herself had assembled the banner, and chased off everypony who tried to peek. Although the peekers had been limited to one, unusually resourceful pony.

Birthday? It's no pony's birthday today. Anniversary? Nope, not that. Foreign holiday? There was nothing on his calendar. The goodbye party for Trixie took place. And I don't think she'll be back soon. Naming Luna's foal? He didn't know when it would be born.

She strained every sinew not to hop up and down in frustration. "Hngggmm!!" she groaned as she tried to stay still and quiet, to let the mayor finish her speech. A delay would delay the disclosure.

"Easy Sugarcube, you're gonna throw a shoe," Applejack whispered as she stepped up to Pinkie.

"I have to know!" Pinkie quietly whined.

"You'll know in a few moments," Applejack said.

"That's too late," Pinkie whispered back.

"Y'all don't look like Rainbow Dash," Applejack replied quietly, "You'll just have to settle for a tie."

The mayor commanded the banner be raised, and froze as Celestia backed up with the pull rope clenched in her teeth. The mayor stammered the words as letter after letter appeared. She was clearly uncomfortable with the Solar Diarch doing manual labor.

"'Happy Unbirthday Ponyville'?" Pinkie asked as she read the three tiers of hanging letters. The epiphany that bloomed in front of her was a gift better than most birthday presents.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" she shouted as she bounced into the air, and somehow managed to miss the people still on the ground as she bounced among them. She found herself facing the Big Guy after narrowly not landing on him. She forced her boundless enthusiasm aside for a moment. She motioned him down, and she stood on her hind legs and very gently hugged him. "Thank you, I never thought how to have a party when it wasn't somepony's special day. A day before or day after party always felt like cheating," she said quietly.

She released him. "And this one is for everypony!" she shouted as she returned to bouncing happily among the crowd.

Woona could only laugh at the insanity. Considering the stunt he pulled on Twilight, I should have realized he was pulling one on Pinkie Pie. One advantage of me concentrating on Trixie's wagon. I could stand back and watch the amazement, she thought happily as the other ponies began sampling the goodies, and peeling off to play party games. She smiled to Princess Celestia and nodded to her.

I've still got a mission. she thought as she approached the Big Guy. The crowd of ponies around him was a mismatched bunch. Derpy and Lyra seemed pleased, Bonbon looked grudging, Celly uncertain. But Trixie's absence, it's like a missing tooth, Woona thought. Woona had noted a few ponies who were not pleased with the Big Guy. Bonbon was looking warily at them. She may not like him, Woona thought, But Lyra's family, and no one messes with that one's family. She grinned at that thought. Poor Bonbon, so alike, and yet so different.

"Luna commented that they are wondering if you'd want to have a hand in naming Luna's foal," Woona said.

The Big Guy considered. "Selene is the name of an ancient moon goddess, it sounds a little like 'Celestia' so it would bring her under both their wings," he said.

"Sounds like you've been thinking about it," Woona accused.

"Oh, now you're ruining my reputation for omniscience," he replied peevishly.

"I'm the one who built that wagon based on your blueprints," Luna replied, "I know all about 'planning'. Still, it is a good idea." Woona considered and rubbed her chin with her hoof. "And the name doesn't mean anything in Equestria, I just hope I can transmit it."

"So the subtitling works?" he asked.

"There's some linguistic drift, but it hasn't caused a diplomatic incident yet," she replied. She perked up and looked over. "Is it starting?"

"Yep, the ultimate battle of ultimate destiny," he replied as they ambled over. "Celestia facing Pinkie Pie. No bars held."

"It amazes me that they think Pinkie Pie has a chance," Woona said as she walked over.

"It amazes me," Celly said as she joined them, "That ponies are acting like Celestia only has a chance."

"You could even things up, make it three-way," he told her.

"I don't think there's enough for that," Celly admitted, then took to the air to get a better view.

He lifted Woona to ride on his shoulders. Derpy had taken Dinky airborne to get a better view. The Big Guy's superior height let them see across the sea of ponies to the raised dias on which the two combatants stood. A team from Sweet Apple Acres, the Cakes, and the berry farms stood ready to replace the weapons. The schedule was set so no real advantage could be given. Celestia stood, proud, serene, supremely confident. Pinkie's hyperactivity seemed her only balance. Considering their size differences, the smaller, pink mare shouldn't have stood a chance. But ponies were offering Celestia encouragement. She smiled at them.

Enjoying their support in finally being the clear underdog in a contest, Woona thought and smiled at that.

The table was set on the dias, and the covers removed. Celestia dove into the chocolate cake with abandon, while Pinkie Pie ate hers in one gulp. It was replaced with a berry pie, and that disappeared. An angel food cake appeared and disappeared as Celestia started in on the berry pie.

The Solar Diarch managed to maintain a certain dignity as she fell further and further behind Pinkie Pie.

But it's final amount, not speed that will decide this, and Pinkie is barely chewing, just swallowing. I think we're going to need a bucket brigade when it finally catches up to her, she thought as she watched.

Bonbon had detached from Lyra while Celestia battled Pinkie in a cake/pie eating contest. She saw the others who weren't happy with their guest's continued presence. Or his familiarity with the miniDiarchs. The hostile glances they were throwing around marked them as clearly as a coat of paint.

"What are you idiots doing?" Bonbon asked pointedly. She verified that most attention was still focused on the contest. "Did every single one of you forget the plan?"

"How can you stand to be in the same house with him?" Stardust Sprinkle asked, the unicorn flipped her mane in a nervous gesture.

"The agreement was, that we'd make him understand his family was safe, and let his own curiosity take him away from Ponyville. The pack of you glowering at everyone like a pack of Timberwolves is not helping, and what was that idiot who kept painting 'Monster Go Home' on his door thinking? That's only going to make him dig in more."

"You act like we can't drive him out," Stardust said, and got nods from the others, "And who put you in charge?"

"Common sense. You want to drive him out? He's still got enough bullets for all of you. And if you threaten his family, he'll use them," Bonbon retorted and resisted an impulse to clobber the morons who were ruining the plan, "But let him know his family is safe, and his own wanderlust and curiosity will pull him out. With Trixie already traveling, he will have at least one friend on the road. And better, he'll think it's his idea. Yes, he'll visit, but that's all it will be, visits. And can't we live with those?"

"Better the Princesses take him," Shoeshine said haughtily.

"Oh yes, great idea. The only reason they aren't at war is he's figured out they didn't really mean it, all the times they hurt him. What are you? Dense? You've got a monster who isn't worried about Tirek or Nightmare Moon, and you want to antagonize him? Or try to frighten him. Good luck. I'll be hiding behind him with Lyra until the shooting stops. He isn't Zecora, and that worked out so well once Twilight came to town."

"He doesn't belong here," Stardust said.

"Then send him home, but if you try to drive him out of Ponyville, he'll dig in harder, like a tick. You should have figured that out in the month that he's been here," Bonbon said disgustedly. "You want your way to work. Quit selling him food, and to Derpy, and to Lyra, and to me. Then he'll know he isn't welcome. But then you won't be able to cheat him anymore either."

Stardust growled at that, but held her tongue.

"Fine, you keep going the way you're going. You'll never be rid of him. I'm going to stick with Redheart's plan, nopony gets hurt and everypony think they're winning," Bonbon said and marched away.

Lyra cut her way out of the crowd and approached her marefriend. "Where'd you wander off to?" Lyra asked and glanced at the ponies who were glowering at everypony.

"I've seen Pinkie eat," Bonbon said and nuzzled Lyra.

Lyra stuck out her tongue at Bonbon. "I just had a thought. You always wanted to chase around. Maybe you could get the Big Guy to do it."

"What?" Bonbon nearly squealed.

"Sure," Lyra whispered as she leaned close. "I think you like to be scared, and he could do it for you. Get you all revved up the way you like."

"You're a pervert," Bonbon told her.

The horrible thing is, she's right. Just thinking about what he'd do if, when he caught me, gives me all kinds of shivers. And if Lyra showed up when I'd 'lost' and was so afraid, she thought and shivered at the thought. She saw Lyra practically beaming at her. Now who's the pervert? Bonbon wondered.

"So that's why you put up with me!" Lyra 'realized'.

Bonbon snorted, but let her friend lead her to the taffy-pulling.

"Wow, they grow'em cute in Ponyville," the pink pegasus mare with the brilliant green mane said as she looked over Rainbow Dash. Rainbow stepped back from the gaze and lip lick that clearly said 'I am going to eat you'.

"You're scarin' her," the light brown pegasus stallion with the cerulean blue mane told the mare. The pair still circled Rainbow like a pair of sharks. "She's probably one of those 'tough' mares. With ticklish hoovsies."

Rainbow nearly squawked, but kept turning to keep the pair in view as they circled her.

"I heard tell, they were playing toss-and-catch with the Ponyville human, until the human started tickling hooves," the pink mare said lasciviously, "Then cute-stuff here was too busy squealing to make the catch. Big yellow had to do the heavy lifting."

"Maybe we should see if she can squeak," the stallion said.

Rainbow noted that all her friends were watching Celestia and Pinkie, or otherwise occupied. She steeled herself. They weren't trying to hurt her. But they were alarming her.

"Told you she wouldn't recognize us," the mare said and dropped the fillie fatale act.

"Sp - Spitfire!?" Rainbow gasped, "But you're, and he's, and you aren't, what did you do to your coats and manes?"

"We're here to have fun, not sign autographs all night," Spitfire said as she walked towards Applejack's stand. "And even you didn't recognize us. We'll just bunk out somewhere else tonight."

Rainbow was about to deny she hadn't been fooled, when a glance from Spitfire stopped her. "Yeah, you fooled me," Rainbow admitted.

"We were supposed to," Soarin' said, "So, what was that fight over the Everfree like? I had to sit out all but the last part."

"Scary," Rainbow admitted as she walked beside Soarin' to where Spitfire waited, "We could hear him, and the monsters, but we couldn't see them."

"Weird," Soarin' admitted.

"It ain't natural, it just ain't natural!" Applebloom proclaimed as she watched the impossible happen again.

She'd spun him and spun him and spun him. And while he wobbled a bit when he walked. The Big Guy always found his way to the pin the tail on the pony poster, and stuck in the pin unerringly.

"That's just spooky," Sweetie Belle agreed as the Big Guy took off the blindfold and handed it back to the girls. "That's three for three."

Scootaloo was turning the strip of cloth over and over in her hooves as she considered the problem. "You don't suppose he can see through it, do you?" She held it up to the light and tried to see any gaps.

"Well, next pony gets a turn," Applebloom said as she tied a blindfold around Twist's head and started spinning her. She glanced over her shoulder at 'the two Johnnies' who seemed to be having a good time handing out various apple treats to the party goers.

"You okay?" Sweetie Belle asked as Twist wobbled towards the wall.

"Look out," Scootaloo called, warned Diamond Tiara of the pin-carrying Twist approaching.

Applebloom returned to Sweetie Belle's question. "It feels weird. They know almost everything about Sweet Apple Acres, about planting and watering, about which pig is surly to get up and which tree needs extra oomph in the buck. But I never met them 'afore in my life, and I can't get those two things to line up."

"They're your folks," Scootaloo suggested as Twist pinned the tail on a post.

"No, they aren't, my folks are gone," Applebloom said, "It's like the stories of those critters who take a pony's form and walk around like'em."

"Double-trotters? Those are just a myth," Sweetie Belle said and made spooky sounds.

"Like 'hooomans'," Applebloom made spooky sounds of her own, "One right over there."

"But humans are weird things," Scootaloo said, "He's, almost normal."

"I think Lyra was guessing' about humans," Applebloom said, "But it was the other Apples I was talkin' about."

"Gangway!" Rarity called as she levitated a very green Pinkie Pie past everyone and outside.

"I think Princess Celestia is gonna win that contest," Scootaloo said, "She's nine pies and five cakes behind Pinkie, but she's still going."

"You wanna go watch Pinkie Pie?" Snips called as he charged past.

"Eww," Diamond said.

"For once, I agree completely," Sweetie Belle offered.

Shining Armor combed out Cadence's frazzled mane as they took a break from the royal duties. They were in a small room behind the throne proper.

"I think I can sympathize with Blueblood arranging those mass executions," Cadence said, her eyes nearly as wild as her mane, "Would Aunt Celly miss all of them? Just one, maybe two."

"It would be like eating peanuts, once you start, you couldn't stop," Shining soothed as he ran the comb through her mane, "The Princesses will be back in an hour or two. Besides, Blueblood did all the hard work. He collected them all, sentenced them, so all you'd have to do, is revoke Princess Celestia's blanket pardon."

"Really?" Cadence said eagerly, "Just poof?" She raised her head and looked happy for the first time in several hours.

"Just poof," Armor said, "Just keep that in mind for the next couple hours. Everyone of them is just a hoofstamp away from the gallows." Armor considered. "I wonder if that's why Celestia and Luna have been so cheerful lately?"

"You don't think he did it on purpose, do you?" Cadence asked as she turned to stare at him.

Armor struggled mightily for several moments. But the risk of giving himself a fatal aneurysm was too great. He burst out laughing at the very idea. Cadence joined in.

"Oh, that hurts. I'm serious!" Cadence managed, but started laughing again.

"Think about what you just said," Armor said as he stifled his laughter down to occasional snorts, "Then think about who did it." He nodded as Cadence did just that.

Both of them burst out laughing again.

They stood among the activity of clearing the hall. "You're looking wistful," Luna said to Celestia, the newly named Selene Dreamer lay on Luna's back sound asleep. Derpy had shown how to best hold a filly on your back to let your wings hold her, and also minimize bouncing to disturb her sleep. Dinky had been adorably grumpy about being cast as a baby, because she was 'a big filly!'

Celestia watched the ponies collecting the food and deciding which of Ponyville's more needy it went to. Teams were knocking the tables down. Others taking down the decorations. "It was fun. Fun I haven't had in too many years. Fun competing against my little ponies." She had three gold ribbons and a silver medal from the games she'd participated in. "The best was the six-legged race with my sister," Celestia noted the matching silver medal hanging around Luna's neck. Lyra and Bonbon had won the gold.

"I think the best was watching my sister eat cake until she nearly burst," Luna admitted and giggled. "And the magic of somehow, not being 'The Princesses' for a little while. Being just a big, strong pony, and being a young mother. I felt, at peace for a while."

"Me too," Celestia said and nuzzled her sister. She grinned. "Should we torture Cadence some more? I think the Big Guy is planning another movie night."

"What are we going to watch?" Luna asked.

"A movie about an event the Big Guy was actually in. A very serious insight into his, I think Woona meant 'character' or maybe 'experience'. It's called The Longest Day."

"Then Clover the Clever, Smart Cookie, and Private Pansy stood together and their friendship banished the Windingos," Celly said cheerfully, "The ice retreated and the ponies formed a new land." The rest of the group were settling in their chairs. Notably, Pinkie Pie did not have a bucket of popcorn.

"Uh huh," the Big Guy said, "No offense, but did you take care of them, or were they still around. They might have been useful against Sombra. The Windingos."

"No, we didn't," Celly said, "But we never saw them again either."

"So you don't know if there are any more," he said, "Especially here." He hit the play button and sat back in his chair. Derpy laid her head on the arm of the chair, and Dinky settled into his lap.

Celly settled in. The music was odd, but enjoyable. She felt her ears plaster back against her skull, as the man in the car machine gunned the running man. While the military man collecting the briefcase, she could understand, the dead man's smile was a mystery.

Around her, the other ponies, the Bearers, their immediate families, and the Big Guy's harem all watched with similar expressions of horror. Only one exception, the Big Guy watched the ponies again.

"You seem disgustingly pleased with their horror," she quietly accused.

"Like I said, an insight," he replied, "It'll calm down for quite a while."

"I can't imagine anything that will top that little scene," Celly said, and felt a terrible chill when he just smiled. She noted the two griffons were as mesmerized as the ponies were.

"But what happened to the dog?" Fluttershy asked as she and the other Ponyvillians walked out of the door and across the darkened square. Luna's moon was high above and provided enough light they could at least navigate.

All of them had been shaken by the scenes. Especially the two flying machines attacking the men on the ground. The Big Guy had evidently been on the beach that had been attacked.

"He must have been so scared by the explosions," the pegasus lamented, "A good dog would try to get back to his master. Would he even be safe in the fortress? The general didn't have him when his car was destroyed."

"All those humans killing each other, and you worry about the dog?" Rainbow asked.

"The humans knew what they were getting into," Fluttershy said defensively, "That poor dog was just trying to be a good dog. You didn't see the civilians in the town getting attacked. Everybody who faced the fire knew the fire was there. The horse ran away. The Big Guy lived through it. I was just wondering about the dog."

"I'm more worried about the message that Woona put on the screen," Spitfire admitted, "Five thousand ships. If they were packed like some of them were, that's a couple of big towns, all soldiers. That's a huge number of troops. Even the migration of dragons would be hard-pressed to deal with that force."

"Or ships that could make explosions like that," Applejack added, "The ones we saw were big. And they were a long way from the beach. So they were tossin' those explosions a long throw. I don't wanna think what we'd do against a force like that."

"Die," Big Mac said quietly.

"There is that," Rarity said, "I know it's silly, but why did only one group have nice uniforms? The others looked so, sloppy."

Twilight looked at the others. "How did anybody survive any of that?" Twilight asked, "We've all seen a lot, and I think it would have broken us like Discord did."

"You're assuming it didn't," Fluttershy commented, "He's always seemed a little broken to me. That may be what did it."

"So then how can you trust him?" Soarin' asked, and to prevent the Stare Fluttershy was building up to, he added, "I don't doubt you can, but you're certain, we're assuming."

Fluttershy glanced around nervously. "Well, he's like a hurt bear, or an injured, big dog. He wants to be friendly, but sometimes, things just set him off. Things he can't understand. Derpy understands, and she and Dinky are careful. They cuddle with him, and the hurts go away. That make him safer. You didn't see any of those people hurting anyone on their own side, not on purpose. He's like that. If we're on his side, he definitely won't hurt us."

"What if we're not?" Spitfire asked.

"Then he'll do what a momma bear does to someone who hurts her cubs," Fluttershy said coldly.

Spitfire gulped at that, and the implications.

He'd slipped away from the other ponies as they got ready for bed, and went outside to think. He'd smiled at the rather disturbed expressions on all of them. Their horror at what had been put on the screen, and their greater disturbance when he'd pointed out he'd been there.

But turnabout is fair play, he thought, They've given me something pretty disturbing to think about.

"They couldn't really have done something that abysmally stupid, could they?" he asked the darkness, "Even our politicians could understand that lesson." He shook his head. "This is insane. They preach harmony, their greatest national weapon is called The Elements of Harmony, and they let their own stupidity and prejudice destroy one continent, and nearly destroy a second?"

"Are you all right?" Johnnie asked as he walked towards him. Concern was clearly etched on the stallion's face.

"I guess I'm more worried about your people not being more concerned about this," he explained to the pony, "Celly told me the origin story, which from my point of view was about the exodus from the ponies' original homelands, and their near extermination in their new lands."

"I've never heard Heart's Warming Eve described that way," Johnnie admitted.

"If you told a human that a continent-destroying disaster occurred, their reaction would be a shrug or 'And?' All but the most poorly educated human knows of one or more cataclysms in truth or in legend. But the idea that the leadership would be so blind that they couldn't see the effects, and then brought with them not only the hatreds that triggered the destruction, but the very creatures that were converting the potential disaster into an actual disaster. When our people developed weapons that could accomplish much the same, destroying with fire instead of ice, the politicians suddenly changed their focus to avoiding the annihilation the weapons threatened. The every-generation wars that wracked Europe ended, because it was no longer a bunch of my peasants fighting a bunch of your peasants. Your weapons would kill me first, and mine would do the same to you, and horror of horrors, the peasants might learn to live without us. With the caste system of Europe, nothing could horrify the elites more. So they quit fighting those useless wars." He looked at Johnnie. "You ponies still haven't learned the lesson. Zecora the local zebra was shunned for years. What Discord has so helpfully translated you ponies calling me, would get someone's teeth knocked down their throat in most of North America."

He waved off Johnnie's comment. "I don't care what they've said. I've learned not to expect civilized behavior from most of those chatterboxes. What I'm pointing out is that the Windingos can't all have been exterminated. And when they come, they'll find all the hatred they need to start the ice age again. Your people haven't learned that they are playing with the destruction of their entire race."

"What can we do?" Johnnie asked worriedly.

"I don't know. I need to learn to write, to describe the situation to the Princesses and let them deal with it. Maybe they've already hunted down and killed all the Windingos. But Celly and Woona didn't. So I'm guessing that Princess Celestia hasn't done it," he explained to the pony.

"But it's unlikely," Johnnie replied, "Isn't it?"

"My experience is that lots of people watch the things that are likely and disastrous. That means the real professionals have to watch out for the things that are not likely, but are catastrophic if they do happen," the Big Guy explained, "The annihilation of all three races would qualify."

"And your people wouldn't panic over figuring out something like that?" Johnnie asked incredulously.

"Atlantis, the death of the dinosaurs, those are known to almost every school kid. Add in the volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, and God knows what else nature throws at us, and they wouldn't panic. The pampered and silly ones would wring their hands and claim we're despoiling nature by trying to prevent that, but everyone else just deals with or ignores it," the Big Guy replied, "But I am beginning to understand Celestia's efforts to 'neutralize' me. If ponies could hate each other so much that they'd burn down the house they were standing in, and its replacement. Ice over I guess, not burn down. Then they'd be more than willing to do the same to a stranger."

"It's just a legend," Johnnie said.

"So were Nightmare Moon, Discord, Tirek, and Nistag," he replied, "But I fought them. I'm not discounting any 'legends'. They may be garbled, but they still say 'her be lions' just as clearly."

"Okay, you worry too much," Johnnie said, "The Princesses and the Bearers can deal with all that. Besides, from what I've gathered, you'd cold-bloodedly shoot them if they showed up again."

"That reminds me that I need to reload all the casings I've got."

Johnnie sighed at the rejoinder, but headed back inside to leave the man to his worries.

Day 32

The morning saw a strange procession into the Everfree. Sveti had followed the Big Guy into the forest once before and was not happy about doing it again. Twilight was overjoyed at the prospect. Sveti was looking both for opportunities for her people, and threats to her charge. The biggest one seemed to be the permanent drone that emitted from the group, telling anything with ears a prey beast walked the forest.

"Can you imagine, resurrecting an ancient species, to discover all the things they can teach us?" Twilight said happily as they walked.

"Curb your enthusiasm, Sparkle," Sveti warned as she scanned the territory around them, "That is exactly the reason he has been less than cooperative." Sveti glanced at the Big Guy. "There's always the chance they want to be left alone, and pestering them changes them from neutral to hostile."

The assertion seemed to shock the academic. "But the information is so important!" Twilight insisted.

"And it must be you and your preconceptions that are proven right? A scientist looks at the facts and makes their theory fit them. I've watched you trot out established ideas and demand the facts fit them. We have a word for people like that, priests. The world must adhere to the word of the god, rather than accept your god might add something as a challenge to figure out."

Twilight blanched at that and the griffon's dismissive tone.

"You want to really learn, Sparkle," Sveti chided, "Learn to listen, and quit talking. I suspect I've learned more about him that you have."

"You've been with him the whole time," Twilight protested.

"And you think my listen, versus your talk, had nothing to do with that?" Sveti asked as they approached Zecora's home. "Learn to listen Sparkle, or do you fear that silence will prove you don't exist? Stillness shows who you are. If you fear there is nothing there, then make something of your own. Not for Celestia, not for Equestria, not even for Twilight Sparkle, but something that exists beyond the needs and expectations of others."

"Is that why you're a spy?" Twilight asked archly.

"It is how I was able to be everything so many others expected, and still be true to myself. None ever touched the real me," Sveti said, "Without a 'real' you, others will bend and break you when they ask too much."

Twilight sighed as they walked in a wide circle around the large tree. The Big Guy seemed to be in conversation, probably with Discord. He'd unpacked the camera and was using it liberally.

"What did you think of that cinema?" Twilight asked.

"An interesting display of trickery, determination, and raw power. I don't know if the Big Guy was part of the first wave, or the subsequent forces, but in a way it doesn't matter. He lived through it. A better question, why did he think even Dinky and the Cutie Mark Crusaders needed to see it? What was he trying to tell us? And was it different from what he intended to tell us?"

Twilight's eyes crossed as she dealt with a thought she hadn't even considered.

"Circle, circle vultures come, who walks round my happy home?" Zecora jokingly asked as she came out of the tree with a tea tray in one hoof. "What magic does our friend propose, a magic box that will disclose?" She nodded to the Big Guy and his camera.

"As I understand it, the trees have a pattern that is similar to the Patterns of Nistag's work," Sveti said and accepted a cup of tea. She smiled at Twilight. "Listening, even when nothing is said. By what he tries to convey."

Twilight blew out her breath in a huff, but accepted the tea. Zecora approached the Big Guy as he took shot after shot with the camera. He seemed unaware of the approach of the zebra with the tea. He would move and take several shots, then move and take several more. Zecora set the tray aside and followed him as he circled and kept the pattern of behavior. Even Zecora appeared worried at his actions.

"What sight bewitches our friend? When he closes the circle does it end?" the zebra asked as he continued his survey.

He did stop when he'd completed the circle, and began manipulating the camera. He motioned the others over, showing a picture of Twilight's library home. The patterns picked out in the tree told them nothing, until he paged through the pictures and called up a similar pattern on Zecora's home. Then he pulled a map of the region. The similar marks faced each other over the distance between the trees. Then he displayed a similarly complicated pattern. He walked to where it was on Zecora's tree and pointed.

"Not to the great monster of the deep woods, nor the Pony Sister's castle have the goods," Zecora realized.

He shook his fingers at their concerned tones. He displayed a picture on Twilight's home and pointed out similarities. Then he took out the map and drew two lines on it. They intersected on the far side of the chasm that warded the Pony Sister's castle.

"Triangulation," Twilight whispered as she looked at the map.

"More magic trees we soon will find, if mark the path to their own kind," Zecora said breathlessly.

He soon packed up the camera and whistled to the others.

"Oh, the Princess' party!" Twilight gasped, "I'm sorry Zecora, we have to go!"

"The naming of the new foal. Although the favorite was decided yesterday," Sveti commented, "As I understand it, the Canterlot nobles are livid that 'the Ponyville hicks' named the first royal born by any means in recorded memory."

"As if the Princesses would choose to give them the right, to name the child of the Princess of the night. In Ponyville she was redeemed twice, privilege to name the child is a respectful price. A respectful name the child receive, not an insulting puzzle meant to deceive."

"Just how much time have you spent at the capital?" Sveti asked, "I suspect the Big Guy will be back, and not on such a tight schedule tomorrow." She glanced at the pair disappearing down the trail to Ponyville. "I think you can guess one of the sources of friction between the two."

"A mismatched set, that my eye sees. Neither sees the forest for the trees," Zecora agreed as she nodded to Sveti.

The griffon turned and flew after the pair. She could easily track them from the string of Sparkle's chatter. She noted a Timberwolf trailing them, until it scented the Big Guy, then it fled the trail. Coward, she thought of the predator.

He stood along the back lines in the grandest hall in Canterlot Castle, and wondered if tedium were measured in megatons.

"Ponies love their ceremonies," Celly cautioned as he tried desperately to stay awake during the stream of nearly indistinguishable speeches.

"At least the kid gets to sleep through all of this. If Her Highness was smart, she'd be recording this to put the kid out in her later years," he whispered back. He looked at the collection and realized to his horror that Celly was correct, most of the ponies were utterly mesmerized by the delivery or the content of the speeches.

The only thing of interest, the kid, is completely invisible, he thought and began plotting a daring escape by leaping through the nearest window and climbing down the drain pipe. His eyes fell on the statue of Discord in the far garden, and the proper way to 'thank' their Highnesses for 'inviting' him percolated through his brain. I might just skip the reception to do a little spring cleaning, he thought and could sit happily as he planned out his next move.

Trixie peeked out from the stage's main curtain at the audience, one far larger than she'd ever had in her life. She forced down the incipient stage fright. We practiced this routine, and this is a matinee. The kiddies won't notice the flubs if we keep them laughing, she reminded herself.

Behind several additional curtains, 'Igor VonStrong' a.k.a. Blueblood was ensuring the props were in place and everything worked.

"You don't mind?" she asked carefully.

"I keep telling you, I'm away from everyone who 'knew' me," Blueblood in disguise told her. "I want to travel, and no one expects me to play the buffoon."

She nodded. If any of the court were actors, they'd know the 'dumb' one in the act was usually the smartest, she thought. Offstage someone gave a two minute warning.

"All the props are set. We've got our patter and bits we can improvise," Blueblood said, "You're a good teacher. And we're ready. It could be worse. I heard what they're doing in Canterlot today. The long knives are out and I doubt anyone is happy that another alicorn is putting them a step farther from the throne."

Trixie nodded. "I just wish we could use the fireworks, my horn effects just aren't that spectacular."

"Ask Rarity once we're back in Ponyville, she's got a flair," Blueblood offered, "Trade tricks, she'll go for it."

"Thirty seconds," the harried assistant stage manager called.

Trixie moved up to her marks and prepared to show her new and more confident self.

"And announcing the Great and Powerful Trixie!" the announcer called and the curtain opened. Trixie let loose a storm of pseudo fireworks and 'appeared' on stage in a cloud of smoke.

"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, here to amaze you with magic never seen by pony eyes," she called out. The response was more muted than she would have liked, but she was rusty, and her last publicity had not been good. "I have recently come from Ponyville, where great, dark forces stirred in the Everfree forest." She projected an image of the plant trap/town. "Ancient and diabolical, a trap set by an ancient enemy of Equestria, to snare the Pony Sisters themselves. But the Great and Powerful Trixie stood with the famed Human of Ponyville to investigate, then spring this trap." Her images showed a simplified version of the events. Including the monsters bursting from the ground.

Now there were occasional squeals from the more easily frightened.

"Oh, yes, be afraid. But not for ponykind. The Human of Ponyville is fierce beyond Sombra, beyond Tirek, matching even Nightmare Moon, and possessing a cunning to enthrall even Discord!"

More squeals, this time from some of the parents.

"But, fear not, for Trixie knows that kindness tames the fiercest beast. And Trixie showed the Human of Ponyville that ponies were not his enemies, and not to be afraid," she soothed, "Tamed him so even little children could approach and have not the slightest reason to fear." Her image showed Dinky playing with him, and him smiling as she did.

"But let a monster such as that trap set for the Pony Sisters appear," her image of him grew immense and terrifying, "And the threat to ponies will be dealt with." The image of the giant human roared at the plant monster. It withered and died. He returned to normal, and returned to cuddle the Trixie and Dinky figures.

"So Trixie can attest, all you've heard of the Human of Ponyville is truth. No monster can stand against him, and no child needs fear him." Trixie scanned the audience. "Unless you've been bad." She let them gasp. "Then he'll tell your parents on you." The gasp from the parents was very different from the kids' gasp.

Rarity was realizing that being admired in Canterlot was very different and much desired to being here all the time. The pure tedium of the ceremony was wearing on her. Pinkie Pie had excused herself and Applejack had 'escorted' her out. Twilight had slipped out a book and was avidly reading it. Rainbow Dash stared out the window watching the Wonderbolts warming up for their flyby at the height of the ceremony. Fluttershy was across the hall with the Big Guy and his group.

The poor dear looks almost as bored as I am, she considered all the glittering jewels of Canterlot society, all of them too far away for her to respectfully talk to.

And the gossip of those around me is scandalous and horrifying, Rarity considered, The poor child is going to get an earful from these venom-voiced harpies. Rarity considered. I wonder if we were 'placed' here specifically for us, or me rather, to hear all this. She looked at the inscrutable Diarch of the Sun who seemed to be beaming all her love at her sister and the child.

Oh yes, best to teach me another 'truth' about Canterlot and the ponies, and my own dreams as well. Better to be the 'hick' and automatically beneath contempt, than stand where those gossips think you matter enough to tear down. Very clever, your Highness, but not perfect. I would love to see her face if and when Blueblood reveals the masquerade to her. That would be a wonder to see.

She settled back and quietly listened, putting the various plots that whispered around her like a weaver would make cloth on a loom. I may have quite a 'friendship' report for her Highness later. I suppose I need some pointers from Sveti later.

"And now my assistant Igor, will bring forth the Cabinet of Doom, that only the Great and Powerful Trixie's mastery of magic allows her to escape!" Trixie called. The crowd 'oo'ed' in expectation.

Except there was a loud crash. The curtain raised to show 'Igor' upside down, all hooves chained to the ceiling of the clear enclosure and another chain around his muzzle. He desperately whined to Trixie.

She bowed her head and back hoofed the cabinet, and 'Igor' crashed to the floor, then scrambled out of the cabinet.

"It vorks good, I test it!" Igor said proudly, then cast a fearful glance back at the cabinet.

Trixie sadly shook her head. "What did the Great and Powerful Trixie tell you this morning?"

"No eat de firevorks," Igor said proudly.

"The other thing," Trixie corrected.

Igor considered. "All-i-gators no make goot pridges."

"About the cabinet," Trixie prompted as the audience chuckled.

"It's gots nasty disposition," Igor said.

"Close enough," Trixie said, "Why are you using that awful Stalliongrad accent?"

"Igor pay goot bitses for correspondence coorse. No go to vaste," Igor said.

"Well, it's embarrassing, you're from VanHoover, speak normally," Trixie ordered.

Blueblood seemed to agree, in a VanHoover accent so thick only one in three natives of VanHoover could have understood it.

Trixie's jaw dropped. "The Great and Powerful Trixie takes it back." She stared at him. "How is it you're comprehensible in faux Stalliongrad, but not in your native tongue?"

He stuck out his tongue and tried to look at it for a moment. Then decided to answer, "It vas reeelly goot course, da?"

"Anyone want a devoted assistant, cheap?" Trixie asked the audience.

"Igor does!" The stallion pronked happily.

"Why does the Great and Powerful Trixie put up with you?" Trixie asked.

"You no take Igor, you must marry cousin Gonk," Igor said.

Trixie took a defensive stance at that idea.

Igor asked, "I tell them story about cousin Gonk?"

Trixie only nodded.

"Just enough to win ma -" Igor said.

"Not that one!" Trixie shouted, "There are mares and foals in the audience."

Igor seemed nonplused, then he brightened. "Oh, cousin Gonk enter Grand National Cohstume Cohntest, for Nightmare Night, da? He is winning Bronze medal. He no win Silver or Gold because judges are thinking he is wearing minotaur or hydra costume and cannot decide which. Cousin Gonk is thinking he is wearing sunflower costume."

"Why didn't he tell them?" Trixie asked.

"Because Bronze is also winning 20,000 bits, and cousin Gonk not stupid," Igor explained.

Trixie nodded. "Why don't you show them your trick?" Trixie asked.

"They's mars and keeds in da audience," he said, "Is goot ta reeelly scare dem?"

"Folks, this is magic, the Great and Powerful Trixie can handle the hideous form that Igor is going to change in to. Have no fear," she assured the audience.

The interest had peaked. 'Igor' was surrounded by a smoke cloud, and when it cleared. There stood Prince Blueblood, a rose in his teeth and a roguish expression on his face. A moment and a smoke cloud later, Igor was back. "Iz scarry, da?"

"Is scary," Trixie said in a tremulous voice.

I never thought that insanity would end! he thought as he collected the materials for his next mission. There was a very long 'receiving line' before the actual banquet. This should get them out of the line and doing something interesting. Much better to let them think I'm really crazy, and really fearless.

The Big Guy carried the ladder with several full buckets out across the garden. None of the guards paid him any heed, until they realized A, where he was headed, and B, that they counted two legs not because he was flying, but because he was walking on two legs. They sounded the alarm, but he'd already reached his destination before they had worked out they really should stop him.

The statue of Discord, still in the crouched and laughing posture waited. The area around it was relatively well kept up, but the local bird population had been more active here than else where, or the other areas had seen more regular or diligent cleaning. A gentle scrub brush and buckets of hot water allowed him to begin attacking the deposits that encrusted the trapped draconequus.

"Hello Discord. Since I know you can hear me in there, I'll forego the ususal waffling about it," he said, "I want to tell you, you should be proud of your other self. He's been learning all I can teach him, sucking up lessons like a sponge. I dare say that if you don't take him back, he'll be more than capable of surpassing you on just the thread of power he's got."

"Are you trying to make him, me, mad?" Discord within asked.

Of course not, just insuring he won't pull the 'oh you've been changed/corrupted I won't rejoin with you'. He'll grab you and scarf you down in a trice, he thought back, We'll work on keeping Tom around later.

"Now the big thing you and he will need to decide once you're reunited is what do you want. Are you an advocate of Chaos, an inflicter of Chaos, an enjoyer of Chaos, or a purveyor of Chaos? That is, do you want Chaos embraced, do you want ponies to be in Chaos, do you want to watch ponies deal with Chaos, do you want to just spread Chaos, and most importantly, your Chaos, or any Chaos? That's the real question. Can it be any Chaos, or do you personally have to inflict it?"

In a shiny spot in Discord's skin, he noted the two Pony Sisters, and a whole collections of guards and several wizards from the Academy. The windows in the castle proper were crowded with ponies and a smattering of diplomats. The guards were worried but curious, the onlookers were to a one terrified. He kept scrubbing the bird crap. Switching to a toothbrush, he started working on Discord's ears. "See, that's the lesson you really have to learn. If you like scaring ponies, then all you need is a reputation. Look at them over there. I've never done anything to the ponies that would warrant that kind of response. But I have done things to others, to their enemies. So they saw me heading out here, and look at them all. If you broke out on your own, you wouldn't warrant that kind of response. That's the advantage of a reputation. You have one, but you didn't have time to spread it around before you went too far."

He climbed down the ladder, never facing the first or the newly arrived second cluster of watchers, but in another reflection, he caught sight of the members of the second group: the Element Bearers, his harem with another group of guards and mages. He didn't stop repositioning the ladder, then climbing up to resume his cleaning.

"You see, if you have a reputation, you don't actually have to do much of anything. I walked out to clean a statue, based on something Tom said. Come to think of it, one of these days I'm going to have to find out why calling a big rock Tom is so hilarious. And you're going to have to work out how he might survive your reintegration. See, I think he's becoming a different entity. One allied, but different."

"Thank you," Tom offered, "I was hoping later didn't mean next year."

Not a problem, he replied.

The Big Guy continued telling Discord, "See, it's the little things, the itches we can't scratch that really make people crazy. So it isn't the grand knock over buildings and blow stuff up that affects people. It's 'why are all the form E728J's filed under Taxidermy?' that drive people crazy. Imagine walking into the great art museum of Canterlot. At the Mona Lisa, or some other incredibly famous painting, you whip out a dozen near-perfect copies, make little alterations and improvements to them, making the copies even more like the original, and then walk out with all those paintings under your arm. The police and the Princesses, to say nothing of the museum's curator and staff, will go absolutely insane, trying to figure out what you did. What did you do? You bought a bunch of copies, painted by art students, and made them more accurate. Nothing more. Something completely harmless, and you let your reputation do all the chaos-generation. You keep going for the grandiose plan, when subtle and precise are your best bet. Don't slather things on with a trowel when a dab here or there will do the job wonderfully. And don't insist on just you doing all the work. Learn to appreciate when others are completely chaotic."

He leaned close and whispered, "From what I hear, Sparkle disrupted all of Ponyville with a spell and a doll, and it took Celestia's personal intervention to reverse it. And why? Because on a Tuesday, she realized she hadn't sent a weekly report that week. That's right, Tuesday. Not an 'every seven days' report, a weekly report. And worse, super-smart Twilight never thought, 'nothing new to report, previous lessons being reinforced' was an adequate report. The GodQueen's favorite student flipped out because she sent last week's report in early, had learned so much that there was nothing new to report, and thought her all-loving mentor would turn her into a geranium for not sending this week's in equally early and full of new findings. You want to drive a stake through both their hearts? Get them together and ask about that. Talk about trust issues."

He climbed down and looked over the statue. It positively gleamed in the setting sun. He turned and 'noticed' the huge number of armed guards, alicorns, wizards, Element Bearers and a few reporters watching his every move. He carefully dumped out the bird crap contaminated water into the flowerbeds where the nitrates would do some good.

He stood before the Discord statue. "If you're wondering why I'm giving you all these lessons. Look at them. They know if I ever really snap, it'll take you, and all of them to take me down," he said calmly then waved to the statue, "See ya."

He rehung the empty buckets on the ladder and set it on his shoulder before walking back down the path he came in.

"What was that about?" Discord in his head asked.

Everyone likes a little thrill of worry, I just gave him one, he replied mentally.

When he approached Celestia and Luna, he let out a sad sigh and shook his head. As they were looking chagrined, he set his ladder down well out of range where he could 'accidently' hit anyone, and marched forward. He presented his wrists to Shining Armor for the stallion to manacle him.

Armor looked from the surrendering human, to his rulers, and back.

I think he's trying to decide what to do, the Big Guy thought, Poor Celestia looks like she wants to kiss me for breaking the tedium of the reception line. Luna is doing better hiding her smirk. Shouting from behind him told everyone that the Bearers and their guards had taken the direct route through Discord's enclosure and were pleading their case, all at the same time. Perplexity grew among the authorities like weeds, and the Big Guy stood, arms outstretched, as if he were willing to wait all day to be arrested.

In his head, Discord was in near hysterics over what he could overhear. Tom was chuckling, politely.

"They seem to be offering all manner of defenses, some of which, if taken on their face, would have you before the headspony before sunset," Tom offered.

"Good enough," he replied.

20) What Did the Animals Say?

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - What Did the Animals Say?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 32

Have to admit, the Big Guy thought as he lay on the bunk, his hands manacled behind him, his feet chained to a staple driven into the wall, The place has improved. The padded restraints are almost kinky, rather than forbidding. I keep imagining Celestia walking in, carrying a riding crop and wearing a costume that's all straps and buckles, that can't decide if it's body armor or lingerie.

He ignored the sound of Discord trying to beat a similar image out of his head and turned slightly to face the cell's only other occupant. Although why they have a rat in a cage inside a cell escapes me.

Princess Celestia was having difficulty keeping a straight face. The panic that spread among the nobility, that the Big Guy had gone out and lectured Discord, had subdued or removed the persistent sniping about the foal that had been the reason for the gathering, and the current dinner, in the first place. She looked down the long banquet hall table and considered.

They act like he would have broken Discord out of his prison and loosed him on them, Celestia thought of the whispered comments up and down the table. She wanted to giggle at the absurdity of their comments and speculations. Better to let them run rampant, she thought, Rather than let them drift back to what they have been complaining about for a week.

The foal was trying a selection of more easily digestible foods, and seemed to be having a good time looking at all the new people. Scattered in small groups down the table were the Bearers, the Big Guy's group and some of their friends and family. Surrounded by ponies who are not their friends, not mine either, Celestia thought as she watched the interaction of the nobles and the others.

I wonder if getting arrested was his plan to avoid being here, Celestia thought. If that's the case, I must compliment him. She picked at her food, and listened to the ponies around her.

She glanced at Luna who was keeping a weather eye on her foal and the nearest of the society brats.

"Cadence hasn't really recovered?" Luna asked in a whisper.

"Yes, and Shining Armor is with her," Celestia whispered back, "Although if she's sandbagging, I'd hardly blame her."

Luna nodded and signaled one of the servers for more boiled carrots and Brussel sprouts. The little foal seemed to enjoy those the most. "What do you suppose Blueblood is doing right now?" Luna whispered.

"If he had any brains, he'd be enjoying not having to be here," Celestia whispered back.

They both snickered at the thought.

"Zo mama ask Cousin Gonk, you not put entire salami on display did you?" Igor said, "Cousin Gonk not shtupid, he shake head, 'only enough to win ma'."

The more adult audience at the evening performance roared with laughter. The few foals in the audience tried to puzzle out what all the adults thought was so funny.

Trixie smiled at the good counterpoint to the more serious aspects of their act. "All right, have you got the Cabinet of Death ready?"

"Cabinet of Doom, Cabinet of Desolation, Cabinet of Despair, Cabinet of Death, yep, hyi gots!" Igor said happily, then frowned, "We gots some really unhappy cabinet me tink."

"They know the price of failing the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she announced and pseudofireworks burst overhead.

"Da, ve eats dem," Igor said and wheeled the large cabinet out.

"What is that atop it?" Trixie demanded.

"Oh, gots dis in Ponyville. Is teeth on chain dat spins round and cuts like saw," Igor said happily as he lifted the chainsaw.

"Ah, a driven chain that acts like a saw," Trixie said as she opened the cabinet, one of the 'saws the woman in half' style, and laid down inside. "What do you call it?" she asked and grinned at the audience.

"Alfred," he replied and fired up the chainsaw.

Trixie facehoofed, missing that he was putting on his goggles, which were so covered with red they were piratically opaque. The crowd screamed as he revved the chainsaw and sliced through the cabinet with a single quick stroke. Trixie's clenched teeth didn't help matters.

Once it was done, Trixie kept smiling and wiggling her hooves through the gaps in the box. Igor had several thin metal plates he slid into the brackets in the cabinet. He split the cabinet in half so Trixie's head was beside her rear feet.

"Now ve's put you togezer," Igor said, placing the half next to each other and pulled out a plate. "Oops."

" 'Oops!' What do you mean 'Oops'?" Trixie shouted at her hapless assistant. She frowned and her horn glowed brilliantly. Igor pulled out the rest of the plates.

Trixie threw open the cabinet and leapt down. The audience gasped in horror. Trixie looked down and saw the zipper running around her barrel where the saw had 'cut'. She glared at Igor. He put the cabinet between them and grinning nervously, retreated off stage.

"You can fix, da? You is Great and Powerful Trixie, da?" Igor said as he backed out of sight.

"Yes, not the Great and Powerful Zipsie!" The curtain came down to riotous laughter as Trixie stalked after him.

Celly was glad she had only the barest understanding of the ponies around her. She knew the players, and more than recognized the tone and little asides to the others in their clique. Woona was a short distance down the table, and weathering the storm nearly as well as Celly was. The talk swirled around both of them. It was the other Ponyvillians and a few of the Canterlot elites who were curdling with every verbal dagger that Celly and Woona were ostensibly ignoring.

"They seem to think themselves very clever," Celly said, and giggled when Woona also laughed.

She patted one of the most venomous harridans on the head and snickered again. The elderly mare looked utterly mortified, her fellow biddies seemed to suddenly find the food, and stuffing their mouths with it as fast as dignity permitted, of paramount importance. Celly gave the target a wintery smile, of a tolerant parent near the edge of that tolerance. Then she looked away, as if the pony was of no importance and began digging into her own food.

She noted the approving look on Celestia's face.

Someone really needs to stomp on them, hard, Celly considered, Must be why he decided to get locked up. Too much temptation for him, and especially, Discord.

Trixie looked at the pile of bits. More than enough to buy her wagon twice over. "I've never had a show that paid that much," she whispered.

Blueblood was still in his 'camouflage' colors, but he was no longer 'Igor' and his VanHoover accent was manageable. "Enjoy it," he said, "I can suggest a few good investment firms."

"I frankly want to pour it on my bed and roll around in it," she admitted, "And a good portion of this is yours. After the matinee, the word of mouth sold out the theater. So many ponies, come to see, well, us."

"Glad I could help. But I hope you aren't going to extend our stay. We have other play dates, and the reputation is preceding us," he said.

"I agreed to two days, and requested a pegasus team to fly us to the next town. That puts our arrival on the same day we'd get there walking," Trixie said.

"In future, I'd rather walk. I've flown over a lot of Equestria, never feeling the soil beneath my hooves. I know there's nothing magical about getting dirty. But there's nothing magical about seeing everything laid out like a canvas unrolled beneath you either," Blueblood said.

"I would have paid for a pegasus team for that run anyway," Trixie admitted, "It's bandit country. I might bring the Big Guy and a platoon of soldiers hidden in the wagon, but just you and me, I wouldn't risk it. But the trip to Las Pegasus, I'll let you walk through the forests. That is beautiful country."

"Thank you."

"Investing, going to banks, getting drafts to buy food clothing, replacement props. I never thought I'd see that day," Trixie said.

"New worlds opening for both of us," Blueblood said, and gave a depreciating smile, "Where'd you come up with the zipper idea?"

"Same time you decided to use the chainsaw," Trixie said, "I think we gave the audience a big enough shock."

"You shocked me," he admitted. He glanced around the cramped dressing room. "Maybe I should sleep in the wagon."

"I had the stage hands bring one of the fold-down bunks from the wagon." Trixie's horn glowed and the bunk unfolded beside Blueblood. "You're too much of a gentlestallion to take advantage of a lady," Trixie said, then frowned. "Or whatever it is I am," she added quietly.

"I've had quite enough of those 'gentlemares' who were anything but. You don't fit into their world, and for that, you should get down on your knees and thank Celestia. They can't even smile, without a dozen other ponies trying to figure out the ulterior motive behind it. It's a rare pony who can be in that life without artifice as complicated as your stage shows. I couldn't manage it. Sparkle was utterly clueless, so they assumed she had to be Celestia's masterspy. Nopony could be so gormless, it had to be a front of utmost cunning."\

Trixie snorted at that as Blueblood settled into the bed.

"What a world," Trixie said, "At least I can stop having to be 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' occasionally."

"I had to go to great lengths to stop being 'Prince Blueblood, Royal Embarrassment'. Thank you for letting me," he said.

"You're welcome." She watched him settle into sleep, and discarded the first thought that occurred to her. Not because it couldn't happen, and that they couldn't make it work.

But it's not fair to put him in a cage again, after he's just learned that he can fly, she thought, And I don't think I want to put myself in the same cage. Friends is good enough for now. She slipped into her own bed and soon was asleep and dreaming of cuddling with a pile of other ponies.

Woona opening the cell door, with Shining Armor and a handful of guards with near-murderous expressions was a guaranteed way to go from full rest, to maximum wakefulness and combat readiness.

Even the rat whose obsessive wheel squeaking had faded into background noise froze at the arrival of these ponies and the aura they were all exuding.

"How much trouble am I in, and is mercy even allowed?" he asked in all seriousness.

"It isn't for you," Woona said as she touched her horn to the manacles, unlocking them all. "In fact, you are one of the five individuals on Equestria who could not possibly be guilty. Game face, nopony is happy right now."

"Okay," he said as he followed Shining Armor's curt gestures with alacrity.

"Luna was off showing Celly about raising the moon," Woona said and glanced about nervously. "Selene was in Celestia's lap, I was doing the ear thing Selene finds so hilarious. And our marvelous new foal announced, quite loudly, a new word she'd picked up. Now she already spoke her first word: 'Luna', several days ago, but this one was ever so special."

"Unless it was in English, I can't help you," he admitted and risked a glance at the soldier ponies around him. They were trying, and failing to keep their anger from falling on him, but with so much of it, he was getting a slight dusting none the less.

"While Celly and Luna were watching the moon rise, little Selene Dreamer announced loudly enough to be heard over the thrum of conversation 'abomination' or something very similar."

I didn't do it! Discord insisted.

"I wonder where she picked that up?" he said, keeping his tone level.

"Celestia's very question," Woona said, "Considering the dead silence that surrounded Selene's demonstration, everypony in the hall heard it. Celly, Luna and Selene retired to Luna's quarters. Celestia is presiding over the Night Court, and it was agreed, she needs a distraction."

"And you thought of me to disarm the genuinely miffed, hydrogen bomb. Dear me suds, how can I ever repay you?" he asked.

"You keep her from vaporizing half the nobles in Canterlot, that'll be payment enough," Woona said in all seriousness, "And before you say 'they deserve it', even she can't get just the ones who do. The blameless and their families don't deserve that, and the Princess doesn't deserve to have her reign marked with a reign of terror."

"Okay, one distraction, have you got that pronunciation guide Celly was working on?" he asked.

"No, but I've got until you reach the throne room to get it," Woona said as she took to the air and raced off.

"Terrific, the one MOS so dangerous that I and every noncom with a brain stayed away from, staff officer," he said quietly.

The emptiness of the throne room highlighted how big it was. The crowds that would separate it into more manageable, often disconnected pieces, were not in evidence. The guards were against the wall and attempted desperately to blend into the background. The light into the whiteness of the marble and the night into the shadows. None looked at the deadly gorgon atop the throne for fear of the baneful gaze.

Celestia sat on the throne, her expression peaceful and serene. Her mane however looked more like a roiling thunderstorm than it's more usual placid cloudiness. None of the usual accompaniments: the bearers, a crowd of suppliants and functionaries, or even her royal family were in evidence. Her gaze tracked across the room, nearly leaving a scorched path through the stone.

Woona withstood the gaze as it fell upon her. She bowed in deference to the ruler of the hall. The Big Guy bowed also, but held the Diarch's gaze. He would grant her due respect, but would quail for none. Celestia, for her part, seemed somewhat relieved by this.

"Greetings Princess Celestia, if it pleases you, we would like your assistance in a project to assist the understanding between our groups. If at any time your attention is required elsewhere, we would accept the help we have received and withdraw," Woona said and projected the words in Equestrian over her head.

Celestia nodded, but seemed relieved at the distraction. The pair approached with the large paper bearing the characters in Equestria script. On another paper, they carried the guide to the pronunciation of word/phonemes in English. Celestia gestured them forward with her wings, and indicated they should sit on either side of her.

They sat a slight but respectful distance from her. Celestia was having none of that, she gathered both in with her wings until they pressed slightly against her. There they could feel her trembling. A small table moved to position itself in front of them and they laid down their papers. Celestia's wings continued cupping them as they began their work.

"A as in cap, or act," the Big Guy said.

Woona indicated the Equestrian equivalents. Celestia made the Equestrian sounds, but only the stresses described made any sense. Woona noted the findings.

"A as in air or dare," the Big Guy said.

Woona searched for the characters.

Day 33

The two had fallen asleep almost an hour earlier. Woona was still young and rebuilding her strength after disposing of her Nightmare Moon. The Big Guy was not an immortal. Celestia still held them in her wings.

I have to admit, I do feel better, she thought and looked up to see Celly and Luna enter.

"Rarity and the Apples are looking after Selene," a red-eyed Luna said. The matted fur under her eyes said she'd been crying. She glanced around and smiled, "Did you leave any of them alive?"

"There is always that pardon. Perhaps I should invite them all in for a chat, and tear it up in front of them," Celestia replied, adding her smile to her sisters.

"Just don't say 'I shouldn't have gotten angry'," Luna said, "Or it will hurt my feelings. And you aren't to blame. They have lived too long with nothing to fear, so they fear nothing."

"Are you saying they should?" Celestia asked in a faintly disapproving tone.

"I am saying that you have allowed them to be without fear, but they have not become fearless and striven against all barriers, they have become childish and mutter against all that threatens their privileges. They do not choose to earn real things, so they squabble over trinkets they've convinced themselves matter. A dose of reality is what they need, and a painful one."

"I'm not sure I like doing that," Celestia said.

"You've got all the ingredients under you wings right now," Luna said and pointed with her wing. "There are more ways to deliver reality than you might think. You needn't do anything more than aim."

"It's too tempting," Celestia admitted. "Much too tempting."

"They won't hurt them, if that's what worries you. She will do as I would, while he's too afraid of what you and I will do in response," Luna pointed out.

"That almost makes it worse," Celestia admitted sourly.

The group who exited the door back into Ponyville, as the first hints of sun light lit the horizon, were far less enthusiastic than the group who'd left. The Apples parted ways as Applejack headed home with Applebloom.

"That certainly was interesting," Rarity said sourly as she steadied the still sleepy Sweetie Belle on her back. "The best thing about those high-class affairs, is how they make me long to return here."

Rainbow yawned and staggered into the sky.

"Good bye all," Fluttershy said, "I think it was fun." She headed off home.

The Big Guy 'adjusted' Twilight so she was aimed at the library and not back to the door.

"Gee, thanks," she replied to his 'help' and walked towards her goal, and bed.

The group withdrew as Pinkie stood in the predawn darkness, staring at the door and considering something. They closed the door and left her there. The Big Guy and Woona had gotten more sleep than the others, so they made sure everyone inside the house was tucked in. The Big Guy walked out the back door and looked at the rock formations. "What a mess," he said quietly as Woona fluttered around him.

"I take it that idiots are not as common in your world?" Woona asked.

"They are as common, I just don't understand why the natural dangers haven't thinned the herd a bit more here. Then again, maybe they have been. I remember an Ian Hogg comment about why the most powerful empire the world had seen, up to that point, lost control of a small rebellious colony. 'Because the most prize pack of military dunderheads were running the thing.' Same thing here. Most of these nobles have no couth and less sense. You don't say things around little kids you don't want them repeating."

"Personal experience?" Woona asked.

"Loads of it on raising kids," he replied. "Including a fair amount after I was skilled enough to write a book on it as a manufacturing process. What were they thinking? Were they thinking?"

"They're probably the same ingrates I dealt with a thousand years ago. And you know how that turned out."

He nodded. "How long should I let them sleep? Although Dinky's got school in a few hours."

"Wake Dinky and Derpy, then let the others sleep," Woona said. She turned as he headed in. "Leave the door, I want to watch the sun come up."

"Sure." He closed but didn't lock the French doors.

"Yes, what were they thinking?" Woona asked as the light of the sun began to illuminate the large crystal adoring the wall.

Bonbon looked at the mass of undissolved spices at the bottom of the mix bowl. "Augh, why won't this work?" she asked nopony in particular. Then she yawned enormously. "Too much excitement last night."

Lyra poked her head into the shop's kitchen where Bonbon mixed the sweets she sold that gained her the nickname 'Sweety Drops'. "Hi, I know you told me you didn't want my help, but I thought you might want someone who could help," Lyra offered carefully.

"NO magic," Bonbon insisted, "It makes the candy taste, off."

The Big Guy entered, crouching low for the pony-scale ceiling.

"Fingers aren't going to help," Bonbon sighed while trying to rein in her temper.

He put a mane-net over his hair and peered into the bowl. Inside were the small leaves and bits of crystals that were trapped in a matrix of melted and resolidified sugar. He touched the side of the bowl, and yanked his fingers back and shook his hand.

"Yeah, it melted and resolidified," she said angrily, "The mortar and pestle didn't grind the spices up either. I thought the mixer with just a bit of sugar would do the job." She crossed her eyes. "I must be tired, I'm expecting you to understand."

He frowned and stared at the mix, then dug through the bowls in the kitchen's cupboard until he found one slightly larger than the mix bowl. That one, he filled with an ice and salt mixture. Then he put the smaller mix bowl inside the larger bowl and the entire assembly under the heavy mixer. Bonbon watched as he concentrated on holding the bowl, and 'pulsing' the mixer. Once he'd broken the crystallized sugar up, he had the mixer running more slowly than Bonbon had been. He stopped and changed the water out and replaced it with ice-salt twice, but by the end, he'd ground the spices small enough to add to Bonbon's newest confections.

"Does he have to be better than everybody at everything?" Bonbon asked Lyra.

"He isn't competing," Lyra replied softly, "He's trying to help." Lyra nuzzled her. "Besides, he didn't pick the spices, he just helped you prepare them."

"Yeah, I guess. I'll bring over a few of the new batch," Bonbon said and yawned again.

"You might also use them as an 'exchange' to go through his cupboards. After all, alien, they might have a few ideas about candy that you haven't had." Lyra giggled at Bonbon's vexed expression. "Rarity is stealing ideas from his people, why not you?"

Bonbon grudgingly nodded. "Why don't we get lunch?" She removed the apron and mane-net as she put her 'out to lunch' sign in the window. "So, what do you think about the spate of Rainbow rescues?"

"I'm wondering why the things are happening," Lyra admitted, "It's like somepony's sneaking around and setting up these problems."

"Rainbow wouldn't," Bonbon said.

The scream of terror brought them around. The baby carriage racing down the road. Bonbon looked in terror, then ran beside him as he moved to intercept it. A faint glow was already surrounding it as the pair caught up and brought it to a halt. As the mother charged towards them, Bonbon noticed him withdrawing, leaving her to deal with the emotional mother.

"Oh thank you, thank you Sweetie Drops, thank you!" Stardust Sprinkle gushed as she cuddled her foal and hugged Bonbon. Lyra trotted up with a very pleased expression on her face.

I would have just stood there, if he hadn't . . . I guess predator chases prey, but that gave me 'permission' to act, Bonbon thought, And Lyra.

Lyra waited for the mother and child to depart to point out, "See, having him around is a good thing. Ponies do stuff when they see others doing it. And he just jumps in to help."

You say that as if it were always a good thing, Bonbon thought as she accepted the hug from Lyra, What I also noticed was he withdrew when he realized who the mother was. Does he know about our plan, or does he just recognize one of the ponies who doesn't like him? She looked up at him and nodded. He nodded back.

"Let's go get lunch," Bonbon said, "Now I'm hungry."

"Are you sure it's food you're hungry for?" Lyra cooed.

Bonbon blushed furiously. He waved to them and headed off.

"Told you he'd be useful with you chasing around," Lyra said and bumped her flank into Bonbon's. Lyra ran her nose through Bonbon's coat. "All sweaty and full of spices. I know what I want for lunch."

"You're incorrigible," Bonbon complained.

"The word is insatiable," Lyra replied and guided Bonbon back towards their house.

Discord, have you noticed all the 'disasters' cropping up lately? he asked in his head as he walked along noting the sites of other Rainbow/Mare-Do-Well rescues.

"I had nothing to do with that!" Discord insisted.

I wasn't accusing you of anything, he replied, It was an observation. What's gotten in to you? I wouldn't punish you for a thing you haven't done, unless you failed to do something you should. I just don't remember so many mundane disasters. It's like I've suddenly stepped into Metropolis or Gotham City where the people are all stupid and expect someone to leap out to save them. A little attention to your surroundings and some preventive maintenance would deal with lots of these problems.

"It's HANDYMAN Maintenance Worker Supreme!" Discord thundered.

"Doesn't roll off the tongue," Tom added, "Dry rot is a cowardly lot, so I must strike fear in them. Oh, a spanner on the ground, I shall become Spannerama!"

Nope, doesn't work for me either, he agreed, I think I'll finish up the survey. If I can find that third tree, or cluster of trees, then I can start laying the ground work on what we do with them.

"Don't you want to go watch Lyra and Bonbon?" Discord asked.

No.

"It would be educational," Discord added.

Don't really need that education, thank you, he replied, Derpy's still in the tentative, exploratory stage, and Celly's still underage and overly hormonal.

"Not for very much longer, I think," Tom answered, "You have two weeks, three at the outside, before that obstacle is cleared. And your assertion that it's just her hormones talking is going to be in for a nasty shock."

Woona's still the only one who's mastered that transformation spell, he thought, I don't think Celly's magical reserves and mastery are up to it. But I agree, that only pushes it out a week or two. That's still a minimum of three weeks. We'll see what she does when she's no longer a teenager. The problem may solve itself. After lunch I'm heading out to find those trees, you wanna come with?

"Oh ha ha," Discord said.

Glory looked around the facility. The one that had been specifically created to serve the needs of their guest from another world, but had rarely had him as a customer, and had not been able to determine enough of his diet to even begin to offset any deficiencies in it. She sighed and wrote.
Dear Uncle,

I hope things find you well. I guess I have to report that our efforts here are a complete failure. Our 'client' has come to us on only a few occasions. Our attempts to determine his dietary requirements have come to naught, as the group living with him have complicated observing him shopping to a tremendous degree. Also what he serves them is pony-standard, then what he eats privately they don't observe. That's to say nothing of the communication problem, which still hasn't been overcome.

I am not complaining about our lack of success, but asking for advice. The original plan to entice him in seems to have come a cropper. While the ponies in his group are enthusiastic, he doesn't seem to be. Whether it is privacy, or that the food doesn't taste good, he has shown a distinct avoidance of both our operation and most of the local restaurants. But it has no way reduced his shopping for raw ingredients from many of the local shops.

I have confirmed with 'Svetlana' that he is depleting his stores of meat from the cold storage in his home. Perhaps that is the reason: he wants to use up his stores before they spoil.

In any case, I would ask for some advise on our situation. Gentle persuasion has not been successful. Brute force has also been shown to be an unsuccessful tactic. Trying to improve communications seems to be the best route to success. I feel I am missing something both so basic and so world-shaking that I cannot see what it is.
Glory Belle.

She sealed the letter and placed it out where the mail mare could pick it up. Then she spotted the subject of her actions headed on the path to the Everfree Forest.

"Forget-me-nots, come on, I think we have a chance to observe him alone," she called as she raced to get her own pack and gear.

"Be ready in a moment," the small pegasus called back.

Glory considered other ways they could get their job done. Beyond asking all the ponies and griffons in his household, because that's worked so well, she thought.

Fluttershy nearly screamed in panic at what she saw on her rounds to her forest friends. She was only able to damp it to a squeak when she realized a scream would only make the situation worse. She spotted Glory and Forget-me-nots approaching and preparing to intervene. She signaled them to stay down. There's nothing they can do, she nearly whimpered as she hid behind a tree and watched. She gnawed her hooves as the manticore crept closer to the Big Guy. I can't watch, she thought and whimpered.

The shout far behind him caused him to turn. How did it get -? he thought as his eyes widened on the massive creature less than a dozen feet away. Instincts took over and had him grabbing for his pistol. The roar knocked him over and sent him stumbling down the slope, then rolling through the underbrush, and into the small stream.

The manticore stood at the top of the slope grinning ear-to-ear. He climbed out of the stream, checked that the gun was still dry.

'Don't shoot him,' Fluttershy seemed to be saying as she interposed herself in his line of fire. She put her hooves together as if in prayer and seemed to add a 'Please' and a hopeful grin.

"I was just checking my equipment," he replied, and reholstered the pistol once he'd determined that was still dry too. The same could not be said for his boots, or his other arm.

The manticore seemed to laugh as it looked down at him, and trotted off. He briefly considered following it and 'explaining' his feelings on the little joke. He glanced at the still prayful Fluttershy and decided the manticore would get away with it this time.

He shook his head. "I'm not killing him over a practical joke," he said, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone.

Although locking him in a room with Rainbow Dash does have a certain appeal, he thought, Back to finding the other trees. I just hope I don't run into any more comedians.

Fluttershy arrived a moment later as he squelched onto a dry patch of the forest floor and seated himself on an upraised rock. She handed him his pack and watched as he pulled a dry pair of socks from the pack to replace the wet ones he was wearing.

Fluttershy seemed to be trying to apologize and explain the creature's behavior. But stopped when he took off his shoes and socks.

What, oh, she's rarely seen my bare feet, and not under decent light before. Considering I usually had socks on when I go to bed, most of my 'harem' has either, he realized as the timid pegasus looked at the structure and shape.

When she began gently wiggling his toes, he had an overwhelming urge to gasp in shock and 'hide' them from her. No, funny as it would be, it wouldn't be fair to her, he thought, Maybe a little. He clamped both hands over his mouth when she wiggled his little toe.

When she stopped and blushed, he waved for her to continue. She did so, very cautiously. After a very careful range of motion examination, she molded his hand into a fist and pointed to his feet. He clenched his toes, then used them to pick up a wet sock and move it.

What's the fascination with hands and feet? he wondered, Griffons, Diamond Dogs and dragons all have hands and feet, rather than hooves. Dinky has a good reason to curl up with them. The fuzzy, little furnace gets all tucked in by her momma, overheats and throws off all the covers, then get cold. But curled up with my chilly feet, she sleeps through the whole night. And so do I.

Fluttershy finished, nodded her thanks and made her way off through the forest.

She also checked that her friend had left, so there wouldn't be any mischief. From either side, he thought as he put the dry socks on and the replaced his boots on his feet. After a moment to confirm his path, he continued forward. He paused to take a photo. When he looked at the picture, he removed the tripod and mounted the camera to it, while he set the UV filter on the camera. He took the picture again. Hmm, those blue flowers have Nistag's writing on them. I wonder if I'm on the right course.

Trixie had a volunteer from the matinee audience up on stage 'learning' magic. "Just tap the rings, and concentrate. The rings will pass seamlessly through each other," she told the excited filly. A short distance away, Igor had his own set of rings.

"One, two, three!" Trixie intoned and the filly tapped one ring against another. The rings interpenetrated without a hitch. The filly gasped and gleefully bounced around the stage with the interlinked rings in hoof.

Igor's ring had bounced off, and gotten around his neck. Then he'd managed to get the second ring caught on a leg, linked to the one around his neck. After straining for a moment, and a massive horn glow, he had three linked rings binding all four of his legs together, one ring around his neck, a fifth linking them together and sixth bent double clamping his mouth closed.

The filly had come to a halt as she focused on Igor's predicament. Trixie 'followed her gaze' and stared at the trapped unicorn carefully toe-walking towards them.

"That's why the Great and Powerful Trixie puts up with him. He's quiet," she said. The crowd laughed. "Plus, Trixie wonders what damage he'd do to the surrounding community without her." Her horn glowed.

Igor, now had just two rings, one in each forehoof. He collapsed to the stage with a thankful sigh.

"How did you do that?" Trixie removed the rings and spun them, proving they were solid. "They shouldn't do that." She tapped the rings on the stage, and suddenly there were ten of them. "You left them in the closet with the coat hangers, didn't you!?" Trixie angrily accused.

Igor covered his head with his hooves and whimpered pathetically.

"No, it has to be done. The Cabinet of Despair!" Trixie intoned.

Igor glanced at her then whimpered and covered his head with his hoofs.

"Now," Trixie intoned.

Without standing up, Igor crawled off stage. Trixie led the excited filly back to her family. When she returned to the stage, there was the tall cabinet, and the basket of swords. Some were straight, others curved. Igor was curled up in a ball in front of the cabinet.

"In," Trixie ordered.

Igor, very reluctantly, stepped inside.

"This cabinet, obtained by the greatest sorcery in all the world," Trixie said as she locked the cabinet and rotated it 90 degrees. She hoofed it to show it's solidity. She turned it another 90 degrees. "And utterly inescapable without tremendous mystical powers and superb training."

The audience laughed as Igor bolted out of the cabinet and through the back stage curtain.

Trixie looked at the audience in confusion, then rotated the front to face front. "And I thought he wasn't paying attention," she admitted. The audience roared.

Trixie stepped into the cabinet, and with a gesture sealed the door. The glow around the basket disgorged the swords, which surrounded the cabinet, and they all plunged in at once.

The audience gasped in horror, joined by Igor, "Trixie!" he shouted and raced on stage and began pulling the swords out of the cabinet. After three or four had been removed Trixie walked out from the wings, and began nonchalantly collecting the swords and placing them back in their basket.

"Trixie!" Igor shouted as he yanked open the cabinet.

Trixie winked to the audience and stepped behind the cabinet. She kept it between the two of them as Igor raced around it.

"Trixie!" he shouted as he 'explored' the small interior of the cabinet. As he distraughtly stumbled out, he lamented, "Whatever shall I do?"

"The show must go on," Trixie called from behind the cabinet, and flipped her hat so it landed in front of him.

He reverently picked it up. "The show must go on," he said tremulously. "I am the Mighty and Mysterious Trixie!"

"IGOR!" Trixie roared.

"Yes, the Mighty and Mysterious Igor, ready to dazzle vith magic never see before pony eyes!" He held up his forelegs, and the hoofs burst into flame. After a brief panic, he rubbed them together and smothered it. "Heh, heh!"

Then he smiled. "I now summon ze most eeeevil creature in Equestria und vorce him to return Trixie to us, da?" Igor shouted.

"No!" Trixie and some of the audience shouted.

"I most!" he intoned. A cloud of smoke later, Blueblood stared at the audience and sneered.

"Bring him back!" Trixie charged out from behind the cabinet and insisted.

"Certainly, magician, beat me at a magic trick," Blueblood sneered.

Trixie settled her hat on her head. "Very well."

Blueblood pulled a deck of cards from somewhere. "Pick a card, any card," he offered a fan of cards to Trixie.

She selected one and he held up the fan so the audience could see they were all the ace of spades. "Your card is the -" Blueblood began, ignoring the calls that he was cheating, and other warnings to Trixie, "The ace of spades!"

"No," Trixie said flatly. She held the card up. "This deck of Canterlot Joke-o-cards guaranteed to be free of defects or your money back." She showed him the card.

A cloud of smoke later, Igor lay curled up on the stage. "Dey vere punnies, everywhere," he whimpered.

"Yes, yes, it was just a bad dream," Trixie patted him on the head.

"Vat ve doin' on stage," Igor asked.

"You were sweeping up," Trixie said.

"For a audience?" Igor asked and looked around.

"Performance art," Trixie said and shrugged to the audience.

"I get my broom," Igor shouted, "Or was it without?"

"Without. Earlier you were planting crops, with no plants," Trixie said, "Remember."

"Igor was planting a mime field?" he asked.

The curtain came down.

"You two are certainly looking chipper today," Twilight said as she welcomed Lyra and Bonbon to the library.

"I just had my favorite lunch," Lyra said, and ignored Bonbon's snort. "It takes a bit to warm it up properly, but when you do, best ever."

"Maybe you could invite me over next time," Twilight said, "I always like trying new things." Twilight looked from the grinning unicorn to the seriously blushing earth pony, then back again.

She had no idea why the pair of them burst out laughing. She was even more alarmed when Spike started laughing as well.

"Considered how she did in the running of the leaves," Bonbon choked out, "Maybe she could help."

Lyra and Bonbon were lost to hysterics for a moment.

" 'Running of the Leaves'?" Twilight asked, "What does that have to do with cooking?"

Lyra tried to explain, but just broke down laughing. She managed to pull the two scrolls out of her pack and present them to Twilight, before dissolving in giggles.

"Is this what I think it is?" Twilight asked as she revealed the Equestria characters, and their monster equivalent, and the other scroll which reversed the comparison. "Yes!" Twilight shouted.

She levitated the Monster to Equestria Dictionary and began looking at the paired words.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Twilight shouted as she pronked around the library like an overly-caffeinated Pinkie Pie. She stopped in front of Spike and looked down at him.

He drew back suddenly and made a warding gesture. Bonbon and Lyra had fled.

"Spike, do you realize what this means!?" she asked, "His language and Equestria are similar enough that direct translation is possible!"

"So how come he can't speak it?" Spike asked as he looked at the fire extinguisher and sidled over towards it.

"Oh, the pronunciation has nothing in comparison, and the words will need fine tuning." Twilight rubbed her hooves gleefully. "But all the books in his library are mine for the reading!"

"Wahahahaha!" Spike said, before Twilight could. "There's just the little problem that they're his books."

"He wouldn't deny the advancement of science, philosophy and interspecies relations for something trivial like that, would he?" Twilight asked as she advanced, and Spike withdrew to the fire extinguisher.

"Ah, Twilight?" Derpy said as she nosed open the door. "There's some books here that Pinkie ordered from the Princess, but I can't find Pinkie, and someone has to sign for them."

"Pinkie ordered books from the Princess?" Twilight asked as she stalked towards Derpy, "Without talking to me, Celestia's number one student?"

"Sign here and I can give you the books," Derpy said and hoofed over the clipboard.

Twilight signed it and accepted the books. Derpy left with the clipboard. "What could Pinkie have been ordering?" Twilight asked, and looked at Spike, "What are you doing with the fire extinguisher."

"Preventive maintenance," he said and kept it in hand. "I guess those are the books she ordered for her 'friend', although I think her 'friend' is the Big Guy."

"Well, it's not as if we haven't got all the books he could need right here in the library," she said as she unwrapped them.

Then she started paging through them. Her eyes grew wider, while her pupils shrank to pin points. "Pinkies ordered these to give to the Big Guy," Twilight said, and emitted a nervous giggle. She tilted her head sharply. "Ponies can bend that way?" She flipped a few more pages. "A stallion can do that?" she asked as she paged through the lavishly illustrated and extremely detailed descriptions.

"Maybe you can translate that for him," Spike said helpfully as he put the fire extinguisher back on the wall bracket.

"Twil-slate, trans-ight, Spaklight, transkle," she said as she looked through the second book, its lavish illustrations, full color photography, very clear diagrams, and almost clinical prose. She carefully rewrapped the books, and sealed them with tape.

"They are book. Celestia knows book are here, and that Twilight sign for them," Twilight said, "Heh, heh, heh," she added. "I think Pinkie Pie definitely want will these books and . . . what Lyra had for lunch. Bonbons for main course and dessert! I know it. Heh, heh, heh." She shook herself and looked at Spike. "Please keep an eye on the library for a little while. I need a shower, if you haven't used up all the cold water. Heh, heh, heh." She levitated the books to a high shelf and cast a shield spell over them. "Pinkie asked Celestia for those books, and she delivered them. To me, for Pinkie, for the Big Guy. Heh, heh, heh." She walked up the stairs in a daze. "Pinkie asked Celestia for those books, and she delivered them. Heh, heh, heh."

He stood where the two lines converged. He'd dealt with the gorge surrounding the Castle of the Pony Sisters, which blocked the direct route to the target, by going around it. It had taken him several hours out of his way, but it had meant he didn't have to construct two bridges, when the gorge again cut back from his path and curved to continue as a 'moat' around the castle.

I wonder if that gorge goes all the way around, or if there's a land bridge to the castle, he considered as he completed his trek to the map location the two signals on the trees pointed to.

He looked at the ruined building in the middle of the woods. There was a scattering of pony corpses, most had moldered away to skeletons, but several of the more recent were not decaying normally.

I can't tell is they're dissolving, or fading out of existence, he thought as he looked at one that seemed to slowly change what was visible beneath the flesh as he walked around it. As if the missing skin were actually windows looking into the meat and bone a distance way. They also all seem to be that unicorn who was Trixie's boss. It's like she cloned an army and marched them across a minefield. Except they don't die and decay, they 'cease moving' then begin to 'cease to exist'.

The silence from Discord and Tom worried him. Excuse me, I'm not 'projecting' to you two just to hear myself think, he told them.

"Sorry," Tom piped up, "You remember how we were belittling your theory that someone or something was meddling with Ponyville, hence all the accidents lately?"

I remember it quite well, he replied.

"Well, we were rather hoping that this is where she was hiding and licking her wounds. That you've approached this close, without encountering any of the defenses that did in all those others indicates that your supposition is not as fanciful as we devoutly hoped," Tom explained.

Since she's not here, then she may be causing all the problems in Ponyville. But with Rainbow doing her Supermare act and 'Batmare' Do Well, no one has been hurt. So what does she gain? he wondered.

"Rainbow's sense of responsibility is her strength and her weakness," Discord said, "Her ego is the wedge to split those apart. Rainbow can be almost as good as she thinks she is. When she exerts herself. But she's extremely vulnerable to going overboard."

Are you telling me that this 'Mare-Do-Well' character is someone reacting to Rainbow's ego expansion? he thought, I was actually ready to accuse Celly of grandstanding. I mean aside from her, Woona, Luna and Cadence, there aren't that many spare, winged unicorns floating around. Or are you saying 'Mare-Do-Well' is Nightmare playing the hero in the limelight, and the villain in the shadows?

"I honestly don't know," Discord said, "You've never gotten close enough to get a good look at her. But the fact that Nightmare isn't here defending her temple implies she's ensconced somewhere else."

Could she be in someone? Could they hide their negative emotions long enough to enact a long-term plan? Legend has it that as soon as Nightmare took over Luna, the poor kid flipped virtually overnight, he thought, My experience with her does not mark her as a thoughtful or placid entity. She makes Rainbow Dash look like the Element of Patience by comparison.

Tom and Discord snickered at that.

"More important, she would hold the host in contempt, unless it was very powerful. Sparkle is about on the low end of acceptable." Tom waited for Discord's grunt of agreement. "Celly or Woona are better choices, and after their experiences, I can't see either of them teaming up with this place's Nightmare."

Could be someone who doesn't show their power? he thought, Rarity is more precision than power. Lyra, Trixie and Blueblood don't have the raw might. And if she'd go after non-magic users, Big Mac, Pinky and Applejack are the likeliest. They're still dealing with their parents from another world showing up. Frankly, I'm a better candidate than anyone besides them. My power would also run under the radar of the Pony Sister. I could build some pretty substantial devices, and I have access to a back way into Canterlot. A 240-mm mortar with a chemical warhead would deal with the Pony Sisters, at least long enough to cause a mass panic.

"Then the whole 'make eternal night' would be well on it's way," Tom said, agreeing in theory.

"So let's head back," he said quietly.

"Are we going to get back home before dark?" Tom asked.

"I doubt it," he said, "But we should have enough moon light to travel the last distance. I'm also not averse to using a light-amplification spell."

He shook his head. "I just wish the tinnitus and migraine light flashes would quit. The last thing I need is something sneaking up on me again." He stopped and looked around. "Maybe it was the roar. I wasn't having the problem before that."

"I don't remember you having that problem," Tom said.

Pinkie looked around the library. She saw the books she'd asked Princess Celestia to get for her. She approached the books, and had a net drop on her.

"Ah ha!" Twilight shouted as she leapt out of the closet.

Pinkie looked at the wild-eyed unicorn. "Hi Twilight," Pinkie said as she looked at the net. "This is a good trap," she told her.

"What is the meaning of this?" Twilight asked. She gestured at the wrapped books.

"Oh, I found a similar book in the Big Guy's house, so if Derpy and Celly are interested in him, he needed some instructions," Pinkie offered. "Can you let me go?"

"And you felt it necessary to involve Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked, her ears twitching randomly.

Pinkie noticed the increasing fraying and disarrangement of Twilight's mane and tail. "She is over a thousand years old, she'd know the history better than anyone," Pinkie said. She tried to soothe Twilight with a calm tone, despite being upside down.

Twilight stood there staring at Pinkie, her ears twitching. Her breathing ragged as she eyed Pinkie. Her mane and tail devolved as Pinkie watched. Twilight turned her head this way and that as if trying to see Pinkie from all angles. Finally, her head almost twisted upside down, Twilight stopped moving. She stared up at Pinkie Pie.

"You think she wouldn't know how foals are born?" Pinkie asked. Pinkie glanced around. She didn't see Spike or the griffons. "Uhm, Twilight, I'll just let myself out, and take the books," she offered as she climbed out of the net.

Twilight continued to stare at the place Pinkie had been hanging. Her smile didn't change, but only her ear movements gave any indication of life.

Pinkie moved slowly, collecting the books and retreating from the library. She never turned her back on Twilight, until she had the door closed and was tiptoeing away from the library. "I just hope he can figure these books out," Pinkie commented to the books. "There should be enough pictures that it's clear."

Arriving home well after dark had been bad enough. Having a very strangely acting Twilight Sparkle 'escorting' him to his door had been worse. She kept smiling, and making little whinnies. Her ears were more mobile that he remembered ever seeing them.

He closed the door to Ponyville and glanced around inside the corridor. There wasn't anything unusual in the corridor. Then he opened the door to his home. Standing in the living room was a collection of smiling ponies and a grinning griffon.

A grinning Twilight outside, a pack of grinning ponies here, in Canterlot I always wind up in a cell or a hospital bed, he thought, I should have camped out in the Pony Sister's castle and come back in the morning. Especially if I'm going to have to go hunting Nightmare.

"Did someone get into the liquor cabinet?" he asked. But the Apples, Celly and Woona just kept grinning. "Okay, I'm going to take a shower." He walked through the ponies, their heads and eyes tracking him the entire time. None of them followed him.

He finally relaxed as he heard the raucous laughter over the sound of the running water.

Okay, there's a joke going on that I'll understand later. At least I don't have to worry about Rainbow and Mare Do Well fighting over rescuing me, he thought as he washed off the day's dirt and sweat.

Day 34

Sleep had not been easy. The nightmares had returned full force. He'd relived all the terrible times in his life, but intensified. Instead of being merely wounded, his hands and feet had been blown off and he was left writhing in the sea. The salt water aggravating the wounds and the waves pulling him back into the sea as he tried to crawl out. The entry into the camps in Germany. Then watching the 'noble' British and Americans in Operation Keelhaul, repatriate all the Russians, whatever their wishes, to Stalin's extermination camps. The death of his newborn daughter, and the dream added the death of his wife. The loss of family, friends, colleagues from the depredations of accidents, disease and just time.

The dreams had been worse than the reality, and being assailed one after another after another left him exhausted rather than refreshed by sleep. I can only imagine what the others reacted to, he thought, They must have thought I'd gone mad. Well, considering how they were acting last night, I would have fit in perfectly.

He tried the wipe the sleep from his eyes, and nearly knocked himself unconscious. The pain woke him enough to focus on the thing at the end of his forearm. Did I get my arm tangled with a pony's leg? he thought. Then it twitched as he commanded his hand to move. He glanced down at his new body. Now I'm really surrounded by pony, he thought as he verified the wings, and the horn, I thought the rulers had to be girls. I'm certainly not that. He tried to extract himself from the ponypile without waking the others. So he could have some time to come to grips with what had happened, and discover a reversal. Did I have to be hangover green? he thought of his coat and violet mane and tail. The last betrayed him by tickling Lyra's nose as he climbed out of bed.

With her loud sneeze, the jig was up.

Bonbon had been hoping to catch Lyra alone after the crowd cleared out for a little instead-of-breakfast snuggling. The books Pinkie had delivered had given all of them ideas. Although intended to help Derpy and the Big Guy, everyone except Dinky had taken a good look at them. The scream changed her languid walk to a gallop as she charged into the master bedroom. Lyra in tears stared in horror at . . . The most gorgeous stallion I have ever seen! Are all Alicorns gorgeous?! she wondered as she stared at this incredible piece of horseflesh. His steel gray coat shone in the dim light, his white mane looked more like an elegant dusting of frost on his back. Oh those eyes! Bonbon thought as those imperious blue eyes fell on her, demanding her submission and worship with just a raised eyebrow. Bonbon squealed in glee even as terror gripped her heart. Oh, oh oh! He's gorgeous! she thought as she abased herself and just barely avoided peeing on the carpet in terror and excitement.

Lyra broke the spell around the similarly dumbstruck ponies. "What have you done with our friend?" the anguished unicorn cried.

"Lyra, I am 'the Big Guy'," he said.

Bonbon quivered at the sound of his voice. Smooth like warm honey, but so menacing! she thought, Wait a minute, what?

"You're the Big Guy? And you can speak?" she asked, "Lyra, is he that incredibly yummy as a human?" Only Woona seemed able to think and react. Celly was 'derping' worse that Derpy ever had. Derpy had Dink on her back and the pair were grinning like a pair of drugged out madmares. The quivering ball of feathers in the corner was presumably their griffon.

"What?" he demanded angrily.

Bonbon let out a squeal. "Of course, you don't know, but by Celestia you are a goooorgeous stallion. We should talk to Twilight, and Zecora. No, not Twilight, she'll want you for herself. Zecora, but we don't bring her into town. Oh, fritters!" she cried out, "We have to hide him! Any mare who sees him!" She squealed and pronked up and down in place like Pinkie Pie. She stopped and gathered herself. "Right, stay calm, Bonbon, you're freaking out everybody." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "It's obvious something changed you into a, ahem, stallion," she gulped at not adding a whole string of superlatives, "So, we need someone to tell Twilight, without her seeing you. And someone to tell Zecora, because she might be able to help."

"What about some help from the academy, male help?" he asked.

She squealed and squirmed in place as all manner of naughty thought paraded through her mind. She risked a glimpse at her fellow mares and saw them all having the same addled expression only her unbridled lust kept her from having. "Please, don't do that," she gasped, and took another deep breath. "This is like Discord's work." She took another deep breath as she felt herself sweating at the very thought of the masculine beauty he was. "You're going to have a bad effect on mares, even your voice. So," she had to gasp down a breath again before continuing, "Let us work this. Lyra, Woona help us clear the room. Help me clear the room."

She could feel her tail swishing this way and that at the mere thought of turning her back on him as he stood there. She head butted Derpy to get her moving with Dinky. Lyra and Woona corralled Celly. The griffin stayed in the corner softly whimpering. Okay, it crosses spectrums, speculums, oh cold metal in there, it crosses species, she thought fiercely. Once they were outside, and the door closed. Bonbon thought she could think a bit more clearly.

She let out a long breath and hugged the tearful Lyra. "It's okay. We'll do something about this."

Why you'd want to is beyond me, she kept to herself as the others seemed to be waking up.

"Look, Derpy, you go see Zecora," she said firmly.

"Can't I just go back inside?" Derpy said dreamily.

Try another tack, Bonbon thought.

"Just think of how happy he'll be, if you can help him." She leaned close and breathed on Derpy's ear. "He'll be so, grateful." Bonbon realized she was addressing empty air.

Celly was headed back to the door with a zompony-like expression.

"Oh, now, not at your age," Bonbon said as she pushed the mini-Diarch back. "Celestia will cut off," Bonbon said and shuddered at the thought, "All access to you."

Lyra had sobered slightly. "Dinky, are you okay."

"I want him to be my daddy," the filly said wistfully. Woona seemed to be drifting in and out of the same state.

"I'll hold the fort here," Bonbon said, "You go talk to Twilight." Bonbon let out a breath and focused on Lyra. "After all the weird stuff that's happened, none of it has been permanent. Curse the luck, but we've gotten through it, and we'll get through this. It's probably a reaction to all the magic and monsters that have been going around, or some new enemy getting us too addled to think straight before she attacks."

Lyra's expression hardened at the thought of somepony hurting her stallion. "Yes, I'll tell Twilight," she said, then she stopped, "How are you going to prevent him from using his powers, even accidentally."

Bonbon felt cold terror strip away everything else she'd been feeling and horrifying images overwhelming her happier fantasies. "He wouldn't really use his powers, he doesn't know how," Bonbon said.

"Neither do babies," Lyra offered and ran for the door.

Bonbon pushed Celly back from the door and down the hall. Leaving her in the care of the Apples, who seemed confused by the sudden effect on their housemates. Bonbon wrote a note in Equestrian: 'Weird stuff affected the Big Guy, keep Celly and Woona here.

They seemed to understand.

He doesn't know about magic, except from stories, right? Bonbon thought, It's not possible. Right. Right? Bonbon felt horror crawl up her spine as she considered the possible and worse, the likely answers.

Don't think of anything, don't think of, he thought desperately after a spark had jumped off his horn and surrounded the doorknob of the bedroom. Then a glow had surrounded the meeping ball of feathers that had been Sveti, their griffon master spy. The grins last night were less creepy, he thought, No, clear your mind. White paper. White paper.

The branch hit him under the chin and he crashed into a door. The bedroom doors weren't 'Dutch' doors. He managed to stand back up as hoofsteps approached. Oh dear, Bonbon was right, he thought as he saw the two mares catch a glimpse of him, then turn it into a tongue-lolling stare.

Twilight knew an alicorn when she saw one. She'd never admitted to Princess Celestia her deep and abiding crush on her mentor. Both that she suspected Celestia knew, and speaking it aloud would have just embarrassed both of them. She'd felt the same about Luna, even when she was Nightmare Moon, and she could instantly understand how her brother had fallen so totally in love with Cadence. But this standing in her library was everything she'd admired about Princess Celestia, Cadence and Princess Luna. The deep blue coat, and the mane like a blazing star billowing around his head like a corona. He's terrifying, Twilight thought happily, as she stared at his eyes like Cadence's, But those green eyes. So soft, so warm. Like they're caressing my whole body as he looks, and understands me.

"I, uh, really like your mane," Applejack said. The farmpony had arrived early and now was blushing furiously, and acting more like Fluttershy than even Fluttershy generally did. Applejack pawed the ground coquettishly and turned her head fetchingly.

"Is there anything you see you want?" Twilight asked. Her voice filled with hope, then she realized what she'd said. "Books!" she said, "This is a library."

"Bonbon said you might know what happened and have a cure," he said. The choirs of Canterlot couldn't have made a more pleasing sound.

"Impotence?" Twilight asked in horror, then focused again, "Yes, what exactly did Bonbon say I could do you for, do for you."

Applejack had closed in on the stallion, her hips swaying as she walked. Her normal forthright tone softened. "I'm sure there's nothing really wrong with a stallion like you."

"Applejack, I'm the Big Guy, I'm human," the stallion said. Obviously teasing the two mares. "Bonbon seemed to think my transformation had a magical cause, therefore a magical cure."

"You're downright perfect," Applejack said as she walked around him, brushing his chest and flanks with her tail. "But I'm, comin' down with something just awful." She stood beside him, and looked over her shoulder at him. She brushed his chin with her tail, and wrapped his tail around her neck. "You think you can find the cure?"

"Applejack, you seem to have lost your accent," the stallion said, "I think I'll look outside for it." With that he scampered out. He ran like a newborn does, which was absolutely adorable.

Twilight snickered at that.

"He'll be back," Applejack murmured, as she rested against the door jam. "He seems a Ponyville kinda stallion. Never had a stallion like mah accent before." She sighed happily, then glanced back at Twilight. "What had you so tongue-tied, Sugarcube? That's enough stallion for a passel of mares."

"Don't you think the, ah, Princesses will get first dibs?" Twilight asked as he went into Rarity's shop and awkwardly closed the door after him.

"Ah, shouldn't we head over?" Twilight said, and found her path blocked by Applejack. "In case he needs our help, he said something about Bonbon sending him here. You know how Rarity can be."

"Sugarcube, if he's already picked up Bonbon, Miss High-Maintenance ain't got a prayer," Applejack said and walked back to the center of the library, "Real fortunate those books showin' up when they did. Real fortunate."

"Applejack!" Twilight exclaimed and trotted over, "We might be, friends."

"That's the place to start, Sugarcube," Applejack said quietly, "That's not the place to stop."

Twilight blushed furiously and tried to frame the question of what Applejack was proposing, and why she seemed determine to include Celestia's favorite student in those plans.

Rarity was used to determined to distraught ponies charging into her shop. She'd never thought she'd see a pony for whom clothing wouldn't improve. "Oh, but this one, he's one whose very coloring should set fashion trends, and what bold lines, what passionate presentation. Solid, matte silver, not a mirror but it shines with light. A mirror like that you could fall into forever. And the royal blue mane, the royalest of royal blues. The purple fetlocks, describing motion where even standing still, are so playful. And that a magnificent tail, like a weapon of war or a lovers caress, or both for lovers who have been naughty. Where does he get his mane and tail styled?"

"Ah, Miss Rarity, you're thinking aloud," he said.

"In a voice like warm chocolate, smooth and sweet and inviting," Rarity said, as she approached. She stopped. "I am?" She blushed furiously. "I do apologize. I try and bring out the beauty of things and you, sir. I hope you can forgive me."

"Rarity, first, I'm hangover green, not silver, second, I'm the Big Guy, the one who gave you that book on Sailor Moon with all the wild designs in it."

"Sailor Moon? Luna's seafarers?" Rarity asked. "The Big Guy. Green not silver. Oh, dear." She gestured towards a changing room. "Inside, please."

Once he was out of sight, her ability to reason returned in part. "All right. Do forgive me, you said you were the Big Guy."

"Yes, Bonbon said," he began.

"Stop," Rarity said, "Even your voice has some effect. And I can't help you in that state. Although, no, not the right time to discuss it. One clop, err, stomp for yes, two for no, do you understand."

Clunk.

"Ye gods that still a beautiful sound," Rarity gasped. "All right, three questions. Blue flowers?"

Clunk.

Rarity calmed her tremulously beating heart. "Twilight couldn't or didn't help?"

Clunk.

"Poor dear, I suspected that, you are an overpowering specimen. That's not a question. Very well. I know what happened, and there is a simply delicious, er, simple cure. I have most of the facilities you need, but not the ingredients. Third question, are you certain you want to return to being human. I'm certain everything you can do as an alicorn is greater than what you can do as a human. And there are some of us who, well, you are a man of the world. I don't think I need to spell it out."

"Rarity," he said huskily.

She practically scampered to the door of the dressing room, so she wouldn't miss one sound of it.

"If you don't get me that cure, I won't love you anymore," he told her in a voice filled with sadness.

Rarity's heart recoiled in her chest, despair gripped her soul at the thought of losing this magnificent creature from her life forever. "Oh, I see," she said as she regained herself. "You'd never know if they were real friends and lovers, or slaves to your aura. Yes, a cure while a loss to beauty, is best for all involved."

She paced the floor as she thought, I'm going to need help.

"Was Dinky affected along with her mother?" she asked.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

"Yes and no, I take it she wanted you for her mother then," Rarity said.

Clunk.

Rarity considered her options and resources. "While it is a high crime against fabolocity, I will help return you to your previous form. I do wish you'd model a few creations for me, before you change back."

Clunk. Clunk.

"Can't blame a mare for trying. Stay there," Rarity said and walked out of the boutique into the rest of her home. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

All right. If it's affecting me, then Twilight is out completely, Rarity thought, Poor, dear, little bookworm. Fortunately, I can raise the alarm.

"Sweetie Belle," Rarity called as she entered the kitchen. She smiled at her sister.

She's too young to be affected, Rarity thought, I hope, or she'll stand aside for her older sister. On such slim reeds.

"Sweetie Belle, there's been an accident, I need you to find the other Crusaders and Dinky, then go directly to Fluttershy's house and tell her the Big Guy fell into some Poison Joak. Have her take Applebloom to Zecora's, you, Dinky and Scootaloo head back here to locate Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I think we're going to need some help."

"I don't have to go to school?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Not today. Miss Cheerilee will understand," Rarity said, "Now hurry."

"What happened to him?" Sweetie Belle asked as she headed for the door.

"He became, something that makes ponies loose their wits," Rarity said, "And he's very unhappy about it."

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, wits recoverer!" Sweetie Belle shouted as she charged out of the house.

Rarity looked back into the boutique proper and sighed. "The world shouldn't demand such things of a poor mare." Rarity trotted over the library. She spotted Bonbon entering and increased her pace.

Twilight and Applejack were sitting on the floor and softly plotting something. Lyra, in tears, was trying to rouse them to action.

"Well, I see I'm not the only one who's immune," Bonbon said to Rarity.

"Hardly immune, just resistant," Rarity said, "I take it you also were affected."

Bonbon nodded. "It was hard, Lyra was immune, she wanted her human back." Bonbon glanced at Twilight and Applejack who'd just deigned to notice them.

"Lyra, you brief them," Rarity said, "I think we need some stallions from the academy, and for their Highnesses to stay far away. Now I know how King MidAss felt. Bonbon, can you control yourself well enough to help. I think some other mares spotted him scrambling into my boutique." She leaned close to whisper. "He's in one of the dressing rooms. As long as they don't actually see or hear him, it should be all right."

"I'll go," Bonbon said, then paused, "If the shoe was on the other hoof? Would you?"

"A lady wouldn't," Rarity said. A raised eyebrow. Indicated her disdain for the idea. "Besides, how would you know they cared about you and not just your aura?"

Bonbon snorted at that as she trotted down the stairs and out the door. Lyra's tearful explanation was dragging Twilight and Applejack back to reality, and horror. Rarity quickly found and roused Spike.

"Rarity," the little dragon said and grinned happily.

"Spike, I need you to take a letter. We've got a problem on our hands," Rarity explained, "And I'd like to keep it from becoming a disaster."

Spike sobered and saluted, grabbing a parchment and quill. "Ready."

I should have run while I had the chance, he thought as somepony yanked the dressing room door off the hinges, Considering I can barely walk with four legs, that would have been something. He looked at the incredibly eager expressions on the mares. Not one stallion in the group, that certainly answers that question about this town, although I thought Lyra and Bonbon were an item. So? Flight? Teleport? Talk? NO! Break bones and crush skulls? Yeah, and have her Highness vaporize me, I can do that myself trying to teleport again. He looked from one face to the other.

I don't like what they're discussing even more than I don't like the looks, he thought as the mares worked out a pecking order among themselves, So they aren't acting on their intentions.

"Well what if he decides none of us are good enough?" Stardust Sprinkle announced, "I say first come, first served!"

You bitch! he thought as the tide moved forward. The doorway prevented more than two or three from coming at him, and only from the front. Now if I knew how to disable without seriously injuring somepony that would be helpful. What I used on Rarity? No, she was in control of herself, this is just a mob, he thought, A little help here you two? Hello? Anybody? Terrific.

He shoved the first two ponies back out of the small room and growled at the others. While most drew back, one mare squealed gleefully and peed on the floor.

Oh, this is not good, he thought as the others began assembling their courage for a second attempt.

"Zecora! Zecora!" Derpy shouted as she crashed through the door and landed in a heap in the middle of the shaman's workroom. While her feet waved in the air, she spotted the zebra approaching. "Zecora, the Big Guy got zapped with Poison Joak, and there's some really big problems."

"Poison Joak, you don't say, its dire effects we'll send away," the zebra said, and began collecting the herbs for the cure, "What vile joke has it played this time, your terror's reason and its rhyme?"

"He's beautiful," Derpy said dreamily.

"Not such a curse I think, that would make his spirits sink. Human or pony houses his splendor, to which does the cure aid to render?"

"He's an alicorn," Derpy said, "But he's almost too beautiful."

"From spoiled nobles, I've heard such refrain, such a belief escapes my simple brain," Zecora chided, "Resplendence, grace, and charm too, a fate I would gladly share with you."

"Not when mares can't stop themselves," Derpy said, "When nopony will take 'no' for an answer, is that a blessing or a curse?"

"We go," Zecora said and cantered out of her house with Derpy fast behind her.

The wall of white fire that was pain receded to merely a dull agony. The first dislocated wing was an accident, he thought as he regained enough focus to note they were getting ropes around his ankles. He tried to fight past the pain to take more decisive action than just shuffling his feet. The second was intentional, he thought as he tried to shake off the mares holding him. Bites and kicks only seemed to stimulate them.

The first wing grab had just been to drag him out of the changing room. Dislocating it had been a consequence of him not backing down.

Once they saw that much pain incapacitated me, there went the second so they could rope me down, he thought as five or six ponies on each rope pulled his legs out from under him. More piled on top to hold him down, jostling his wings as they did. The pain lancing through the new limbs was like a gunshot.

"Now he can't fly away! Turn him over!" some mare who wasn't taking part in the fighting shouted from the sidelines.

"We'd need Applejack to hogtie this bronc!" one of the mares practically screamed in his ear.

"Why share with her?" the spokemare called back.

That's enough by God that's enough, he thought and was suddenly not interested in avoiding injuries to his addled captors.

"What makes you think I want any of you?" he shouted as he slashed one rope with his horn. The ponies holding it went toppling over. Then he cut the second, and lashed out full force with his forehooves. He cut the third rope as a mare grabbed his damaged wing and yanked. He kicked her as hard as he could while the pain made him faint. He cut the last rope and staggered for the door, slashing with hooves and horn at any of them who got close. He was aware of screams around him, some of pain, some of rage, but he kept fighting his way to the door.

The door burst in, and a mare in goggles, purple bodysuit, hat and cape stood silhouetted in the door.

Not good, she looks like she can handle herself, he thought through the haze of pain.

"Mare Do Well! She'll save us!" the crowd began shouting.

Their hero did, barreling into them, knocking them every which way with practiced ease, and letting him escape without hurting any more of them. Bonbon forced through the door, and past him.

Okay, take advantage, he thought as he managed a trot to get to and through the door. Each step jounced his wing makings it seen someone stabbed him once or twice at every stride. He staggered under the searing pain. Someone took advantage, by grabbing him by the tail and lifting him off the ground. He looked up at the purple-clad mare with the hat and goggles who was sailing through the air easily, carrying such a load of dead weight. Without the bouncing, the pain in his wings became an urgent ache, rather than anguish.

Some distance from Ponyville, she set him on a cloud and lighted next to him. He looked down at what shouldn't have been supporting his weight.

"I'm going to reset those wings," the purple-clad mare said as she set her hat aside on the cloud, "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Fluttershy? You're Mare Do Well?" he asked, falling to his knees as exhaustion suddenly set in.

"Sort of." She removed her goggles and cowl. Then she steeled herself. "You're already going into shock, and this is going to make it worse. I promise not to do anything naughty. But if you wake up and want to do something naughty to me, it's okay. Just wake me up first, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Before he could either be frightened, or respond, she popped a wing back into place. After that, he collapsed completely. She could have done whatever she wanted, and he couldn't have stopped her. And there was one wing left to go.

And you think they are full of love and trust. Friendship, with their own kind maybe. Princess Celestia will punish you for the injuries you inflicted on her ponies. Would she punish them for what they were planning to do to you?

They will get a scolding at most, and be forced to admit they are sorry.

If they had succeeded? Do you think they would be punished? Do you think that being sorry would wipe away what they had done? What would happen to you if you refused their apology? Did you notice that even among those who were attacking you, there was division? They were united in their goal of reducing you, but there would have been battle over who received the precedence. The order, not the act, was in doubt.

Do you know how many times they've raised the Windingos on this world? How many continents were buried under ice for millennia because of the ponies' hatreds? You have seen the fear in Princess Celestia's eyes. Harmony. Harmony over all, harmony over reason, harmony over justice, and harmony over free will. There's a reason for it all. The enemy is you. You divide those on your side, and those who oppose you. If you were tied down, beaten, broken, who would you wish to see approaching? Twilight Sparkle, who is supposedly on your side? Or Bonbon, who fears you and can barely tolerate your presence?

You are too used to your world of grays and beiges, of what should be but cannot, and what can be achieved. You are used to the glass being half-empty, half-full, or merely the wrong size. For them, everything is black and white, and none of the harsher punishments are acceptable. Do you really fit in here? Or is this place in need of 'new management'?

Nightmare, when I'm actually dumb enough to listen to you, I'll be ten days dead, he replied, This is Hell, and I'm stuck with it.

"But he doesn't really belong to you, he doesn't even belong to Derpy and Celly. He's his own. So getting his permission, but getting their permission too would be better," he heard Fluttershy muttering, arguing with herself, "He's hurt and confused, he needs somepony to look after him. That's what I'm doing. To do more is wrong."

He left her arguing and tried to survey himself without disturbing her. Her tail was wrapped around him below his hips. Despite that tails are prehensile, I chose to believe she's trying to protect my modesty, and not copping a feel, he thought, The clouds are cold, and does that feel good on my wings, but why isn't my back cold? My front is covered with Fluttershy, oh, it's the Mare Do Well costume. Okay, that's what's covering my face: the hat. And Fluttershy's body, mane and wings covering the rest. A little racy for you, eh timorous? But there's no one to see, and no one but me to hear. Speaking of hearing.

"So no, I have to ask them," she said and squeaked in fear, "What if?" She burrowed into the only shield she had, against the world around her.

"Fluttershy," said cover gasped, "Need to breathe."

"Oh, sorry." She loosened, but didn't release her grip. She seemed to sense his apprehension. "I won't do anything to hurt you, or take advantage."

He relaxed, slightly.

She slipped her head under the hat so she could see him, and his expression. "But if you wanted to take advantage, that would be fine, I guess."

I think there's a real manticore in the Everfree, he thought quietly, But I'd better nip this in the bud.

"Fluttershy, I won't do anything, because it would feel like rape. I can't know if it's your real feelings, or some aura effect," he said, "That crowd couldn't agree on what color I was."

"I always thought you were cute!" Fluttershy insisted, "I mean, even as a human, and that if you were a pony, well, you know what I mean. I know the aura is, but not completely, not with me anyway." She was crying now. "I'll keep you safe, until we can cure you. I want what's best for you." She nuzzled him gently. "I want what's best. But I do want to cuddle, er, keep you hot, uh, warm." She laughed a little. "Okay, maybe it is affecting me. So's being able to talk to you. I could sort of guess, but I was never sure. You're different from my animal friends. Harder to read."

She snuggles in, but it feels very different than the 'attack-attack' the others had been doing, he thought.

"I think the cavalry has arrived," he said as he nodded towards a helicopter approaching.

Pinkie watched Fluttershy stand up off the ponified Big Guy. I shouldn't be jealous, she thought swiftly, It's not like she would have done anything untoward with that absolutely, amazingly, scrumptiously, male stallion! Pinkie took a deep breath, and controlled herself. This is a rescue, and nothing else, Pinkie reminded herself, We can't become what we were rescuing him from.

"Pinkie Pie, what color is he?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie giggled. "He's electric blue and hot pink," Pinkie answered, "Can't you see?"

"His mane is pink, but his body is lemon yellow," Fluttershy replied.

Pinkie nearly forgot to pedal as he stood up, and when he winced as he tried to flex his wings. She maintained control by concentrating on Fluttershy teasing her. "He's not a more brightly colored version of you, his body, oh his body, is hot pink, and his mane and tail are electric blue. Light ah, like a lightning bolt."

"Told you." Those two words were beyond any party she'd ever thrown. Beyond the chaos of Discord, and beyond the joy of the smiles of her friends.

She let out another deep breath. Keep it together Pinkie Pie, she told herself, Wait a second! That's the answer!

"A pedal-powered helicopter?" he asked, "Have you considered using a pair of lift rotors to overcome the torque problem? It would eliminate the parasitic loss of lift."

Even Pinkie couldn't follow what she said next, aside from being able to talk to somepony else about her toys.

"You really know about these?" she managed when her mouth slowed down.

"I've got books on them, and a few design studies," he admitted, "But a pedal-powered one is beyond anything we've done yet."

"I actually built something you can't?" Pinkie stammered in amazement, "I, have to return you to human form and then learn to talk."

Fluttershy had been looking more nervous, now she relaxed. "We can sling him below, using our costumes, and carry him to the cure."

"I'm not sure I can carry another pony," Pinkie said.

"I can help support him," Fluttershy replied.

"Have him ride on your back the whole way?" Pinkie teased.

Fluttershy blushed.

"Pinkie, I know it's hard on both of you, but I really need the cure. If the pegasi, or God-forbid one of the Alicorns sees me, it would be a disaster," he said.

"Okay, but back to back, or Fluttershy won't be able to fly," Pinkie pointed out.

Fluttershy actually stuck out her tongue at Pinkie, which made Pinkie giggle. Soon, the pair of them had him hanging in a near cocoon under the pinkiecopter.

It turned our stomachs, every time he winced at his wings being moved, Pinkie thought as she pedaled hard and headed towards Zecora's place and the waiting cure. He likes my pinkiecopter! she silently squealed in delight. Maybe he'll like my other toys! She held onto that hope with all four hooves and her teeth as she pedaled.

Zecora's hut soon appeared beneath them. Pinkie had been stealing glances down at her passenger, and her ally. I shouldn't feel jealous, after all nothing will come of this. It's all the Poison Joak, Pinkie reminded herself, forcefully, But he's so delicious! I just want to, concentrate, Pinkie Pie. Once he's safe, maybe he'll be willing to be a stallion again. When the whole town isn't fighting over him, or playing tug-of-war, with him as the rope. She felt sad for a moment. After what's happened, he may decide never to be a stallion again. He may even decide he doesn't want to be around ponies any more.

She pushed her depression aside and made a gentle landing. Fluttershy freed him of the sling before Pinkie touched down. The two of them took the tightly wrapped figure inside. Pinkie spared a glance at the surrounding forest. Nothing out there, this is too easy, she thought, But no Pinkie-sense problems. She frowned at that, and closed the door quietly.

Inside, Bonbon and Lyra waited with Zecora. Pinkie recognized the scent of the cure herbs. "We should just chuck him in," Pinkie suggested. She glanced at the others, who seemed torn between doing that, and getting one last look at the stallion of their dreams.

"I'd like to say a few words, while I can," He said as he untangled himself from the costumes.

Pinkie grinned at Zecora's gasp and blush.

"This is a wicked prank to play, on the girls he sees today. Not art not tale nor fevered dream, will male perfection appear or seem."

"You can say that again," Bonbon said and sighed. "Uhm?"

"Discord and Tom are working on it. They'd better be," he said, making every mare's knees quiver, "They've been of absolutely no help otherwise." The mares shied back at his tone, each one hoping he displeasure didn't include her.

"Fluttershy," he said softly.

The mare's head came up at the mention of her name. She squeaked and backed against the wall. Her hooves kept going, despite not the rest of her not going anywhere. When he came withing touching distance, her wings snapped out.

"Shh, shh," he said, soothing her. "I want to thank you for your help today, and for your kindness in the past. I appreciate an advocate I can trust. Your beauty, kindness and fortitude will win you a worthy stallion, one who sees through to the real you."

Fluttershy responded with a happy whimper cut short by him kissing her. The whimpering stopped, and Fluttershy's forelegs rose and slowly encircled his neck. They held that way. Pinkie felt equal parts jealousy that it wasn't her, joyfulness that it was her friend, and terror that it would be her turn soon.

They broke the kiss. Fluttershy licked his nose, and they both giggled at that. Still smiling, he turned. "Bonbon."

The mare looked to her friend Lyra, who smiled knowingly back. The acerbic mare stood her ground. Her front half a stoic mein, ready to face her punishment as she faced life: unflinching, forthright and unafraid. But her rear hooves danced up and down as if she was standing them in a red-hot skillet.

"Bonbon," Lyra said, "He won't hurt you."

Bonbon collapsed and let out a wail. "Why doesn't anypony understand?! I was never worried about him spontaneously hurting us! I was worried about us pushing him, until he fought back. I never hated him. I was jealous, that my lover loved him, that he was a better pony than most of us. But he's NOT a pony. It's cruel to treat him like that, and eventually he's going to have to defend himself against us!" she cried and lay on the floor, covering her head with her hooves. "I never wanted what happened."

"Bonbon," he said as he drew close and raised her head to look at him. "Am I really so frightening?"

"Yes," Bonbon said. Her misery tinging every word. "I want to hate you, but you've done nothing but good for us. You scare me."

"I don't want to," he said as he leaned close.

Bonbon shied away. "No, I don't want to love you," she whimpered as she squeezed her eyes shut, "I only want to love Lyra, only Lyra, only Lyra." Her refrain became a whimper when lips pressed on hers. Her whimper became forlorn as forelegs wrapped around her neck and the kiss deepened.

Bonbon struggled against herself, shivering visibly and tears running down her cheeks, but she couldn't hold back. She wrapped her kisser in a hug, pressing her lips against those kissing her. "Forgive me, Lyra," Bonbon said quietly.

"Always, you silly filly," Lyra whispered to Bonbon.

Bonbon's eyes shot open, and she saw her forelegs were around Lyra's neck, and her lips pressed against Lyra's. The others in the room were a few feet away, and all were grinning at the scene.

"Bonbon, I'll take someone who resents me, but keeps my best interests at heart, over someone who smiles at me all the time, and cannot be found when I need help," he told her, "I don't intend to split up you and Lyra. You're welcome to stay or to go from my home as you see fit."

"Thank you, bloody trickster," Bonbon said, but her grin softened the sting.

"Ask!" Lyra demanded, and nibbled Bonbon's ear.

"About being chased, not here," Bonbon replied aghast.

"Foals!" Lyra insisted.

"Uh," Bonbon said, and her lip curled at the very idea.

"When breeding horses, on my world," he said, "They get the sample from the stallion. Put part of it in a syringe. Then you put on a long rubber glove. Stick your arm into the mare, and squirt the contents of the syringe where it'll do the most good."

Now Lyra sneered. "That is the most unromantic idea I've ever heard."

"It's a deal!" Bonbon said and grabbed both Lyra and the Big Guy and kissed them both together. When she broke it off, she turned and stared at Pinkie.

Pinkie found herself retreating across Zecora's hut, until she met the wall. She ignored the snickering of the others, and grinned nervously as he approached, flanked by Lyra and Bonbon.

"Zecora," he said as he paused, "The markings we found. They lead to a ruined, ancient temple. There were several not so ancient bodies that the jungle hadn't reclaimed. I wouldn't go there if I were you. And when I go back, I think I'm going to bring several large charges of explosives."

"Understood," Zecora said and nodded.

"I don't feel too kindly towards one Twilight Sparkle right now, but someone needs to know about what I found," he told her.

Zecora nodded, and with Fluttershy joined the march on Pinkie.
` They're all my friends, she thought, looking from one grinning face to another. But he's learning to use what the Joak did to him. Then he turned it full force on her. She felt her back legs collapse as she smiled uncertainly.

"Heh, heh, um," Pinkie said as she looked from pony to pony, "Um, a distraction!" She pointed. None of them took the bait, and she couldn't get her back legs to stand up.

He stopped and cradled her face in his hooves. Pinkie's happy mewling sounded piteous even to her. "When I'm better, I'd love to talk helicopters with you." He rubbed his nose against hers. Her noises became happier. She followed as he stepped back.

"I'm going to apologize in advance," he said as he got ready to climb in the pot full of healing herbs, "I suspect I'm going to be very poor company for a few weeks."

"How do you know?" Bonbon asked.

"Because it's happened several times before. Although I don't expect to encounter an 'unreconstructed' Japanese soldier," he said.

He gasped as his wings touched the water. He was clearly struggling. Fluttershy and Bonbon moved up to keep his head above water as his legs collapsed. He began screaming as his body began to twist and morph. His wings and horn withering as he bellowed in pain and went limp. The ponies held the still-writhing form that began returning to normal.

Shining Armor had never seen Princess Celestia furious. Miffed, sardonic, sarcastic, I've seen, he thought, I've even seen how she reacted to Discord's reappearance. But I've never seen her raging.

Celly lowered her head as if to charge, and shouted something at Princess Celestia. She pawed the ground as the Apples from the other world tried to reason with her. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood blocking Celly's route of advance. Neither spoke, nor reacted. That's Cadence's job, he thought worriedly as he and a handful of guards tried to appear to be reinforcing their rulers. Against even the junior Diarch, what could we possibly do if she's unwilling to listen to reason? Shining Armor thought as he glanced at his own troops, then at Cadence who spoke softly, and provided 'supertitles' to her words.

"He's safe, Fluttershy, Bonbon, and Pinkie Pie are working with Zecora to cure him," Cadence said, and her magic wrote the message.

Celly growled something, an extremely threatening sound. She pawed the floor and growled again. Woona was elsewhere, with a small team looking after Selene Dreamer.

"Please, be patient," Cadence counseled. "I know how you feel. But you'll do him no favors by confronting him right now."

Armor suppressed a shudder as he remembered the reason for Cadence's surety. Another team was interviewing the mares who'd cornered and assaulted him.

The bone-weary voice brought Celly's attention away from her confrontation with the three other Alicorns. Celly started forward, then looked down as Pinkie Pie darted in to block her path. She glared at the mare as the Big Guy entered on wobbly legs supported by Lyra and Bonbon. Pinkie gave ground slowly, encouraging Celly not to race over, but to stroll over to the obvious source of her frenzy.

Celly let him wrap his arms around her neck. When his legs wobbled, she brought her wings up to cup him against her as she took the weight off his legs. Celly began making happier sounds, while tears ran down her cheeks.

He saw the enchanted looks on the other mares' faces, even the Diarchs grinned happily at the youngster being reunited with her love.

"I understand why Rarity told us to send a stallions-only force," Cadence said, "Can you imagine me, or Luna or Celestia being like that."

"Not about him," Armor said, "About Twilight, more likely."

Celly looked at the others. 'I apologize,' Celly displayed as she spoke, 'When I heard what had happened, I went a little mad.'

Celestia and Luna smiled and nodded. "We understand," Celestia said and 'wrote' the words.

Celly took her attention away from the figure cuddled in her wings to bow to the Diarchs. The figure in her wings never touched the ground, nor suffered any jostling. She carried the exhausted human away, with Lyra following. Bonbon and Pinkie looked at each other and the soldiers.

"I guess we're in trouble," Bonbon said.

"I'm not," Pinkie said happily.

"You assaulted your fellow ponies as well," Luna pointed out.

"I think the alternative would be worse," Pinkie said offhandedly, "Besides, I think you two might be more interested in the temple outside the old castle. The Big Guy said there were some dead bodies around it, and it had been damaged by something."

"Not that temple," Celestia breathed. She looked at Luna who was staring back wide-eyed. "Captain Armor. We need a detachment of troops, with some of the mages as support."

"I will face her," Luna said.

"Are you sure?" Celestia asked.

"I am no longer vulnerable," Luna said darkly. "I will not fall again."

"Go," Celestia said gravely.

"Highness?" Armor and Cadence said together.

"Nightmare's temple," Celestia said, showing a ghost of Celly's fury. "I thought I had destroyed it. Tore it stone from stone until none stood within two paces of another. If it still stands, it has been rebuilt."

Bonbon walked into the interview room. She was startled to see Sparkle was her interviewer. "Sparkle," she greeted Twilight curtly.

Twilight glared at her. "Whatever possessed you to hatch this plan to get rid of him?"

"The plan was to ensure he felt his family and home were secure, so his natural curiosity would draw him away from Ponyville," Bonbon answered calmly. "I did not want him hurt. I didn't even want him worried by events. It was always the intention to protect what he valued."

"It really worked," Sparkle asked, "Didn't it?"

"Yes," Bonbon replied angrily, "Tell me something Sparkle, when he appeared at your library trying to get your help. Was it his body or that his knowledge was finally at your hoof tips that had you and your reliable friend drooling out of both ends when I walked in?"

Twilight's shocked expression and ears plastered against her skull told Bonbon she'd scored.

"So get off your high-horse, Sparkle. I was one of the ones who rescued him, while you were paralyzed in your hidey-hole. I never pretended I liked him, to get something he had that I wanted. Maybe I only tolerated him, but I never tried to hurt or disturb him. You can't make the same claim. I know why you want all his knowledge, because that means you get to dole out that knowledge. I also know why Celestia is so worried about him. He split our conspirators, he has divided the Elements, and even Ponyville. It hardly takes a genius to realize that the harmony Celestia has tried to instill is threatened by his divisive presence. Our plan would have had him passing through outer areas and then passing on."

Bonbon noticed that Sparkle wasn't looking at her, but over her head. "Your Highness," Bonbon said and bowed.

"You think you know me so well?" Celestia asked.

Bonbon didn't straighten up as she turned around. "He has done this, and his raving while he returned to human shape. The last thing he lost was his ability to speak Equestrian. He laid his fears out in their myriad categories and in great detail. With respect, your Highness. You were the top of most of those lists. The reasoning was his, but I find it completely sound."

"That it meshes with your reasons for wanting him gone has absolutely nothing to do with it," Celestia said and smirked.

Bonbon raised her head and looked into the Diarch's eyes. "With respect, your Highness, if what he said can be believed, the mares of Ponyville, Nightmare, even Discord, have given him less reason to fear for his life, safety and sanity that you have." She bowed her head. "If you can believe him."

"I think he believes that," Celestia said softly. She brightened slightly. "It's good he has somepony looking after him so, ferociously."

Bonbon blushed and nodded.

"Bonbon," Celestia said quietly as she leaned close, "Don't let your own fears, or other feelings, cloud your eyes to what a good friend he can be. Clever, inventive and willing to help. And a good sense of humor."

Bonbon stared at Celestia in confusion. She let her withdraw before she too left.

"You all were Mare-do-Well?" Rainbow Dash hissed as her friends sat together in SugarCube Corners. They were alone, the Cakes had closed hours earlier, leaving Pinkie to shut down. The group was well aware that the Cakes were among the few in Ponyville who bedded down with a clear conscience this night.

"Well, originally I only made the costumes," Rarity said, "But I used Applejack's to team up with Derpy to draw off the mob. Pinkie and you were doing such a good job as the other team, we just kept it up while Fluttershy kept him safe."

Fluttershy blushed and looked at her hooves.

"Dear, don't feel self-conscious," Rarity said, "Any of us would have taken some advantage. You probably controlled yourself better than any of us. The point is, you made him feel safe. I suspect that was welcome even if you wrapped yourself around him." Rarity bowed her head. "I fear that is something he won't be feeling for quite some time in the future. Discord's taint didn't magically go away when we defeated him. Not for me, at any rate. I suspect he'll be feeling the same."

"I guess that's why," Fluttershy admitted, "I, felt that way. After Discord, I mean. Like I was dirty, and would never be clean again."

"At least you four were doing something," Twilight said softly, "I just sat there. I couldn't get -" She stopped and looked around. "How did you manage to get over what he was, and how he looked? I couldn't. I kept thinking about it, about him, about how I would feel. I've always had a bit of a crush on Celestia. But I never acted on it, and never told her. Although I think she guessed. Then a stallion who reminded me so much of Celestia it hurt, walks into my life and, I couldn't get past that. Bonbon was right. Maybe he did make a mistake when he teleported. But he walked into the library to get our help. That was a conscious choice. And we did nothing for him. He trusted us, and we didn't do anything."

"Twilight," Rarity said, "You can't assume the weight of all of this. When he came to me, he'd already seen the effect he'd had on you. He toned it down considerably."

"You still managed to hold it together, Sugarcube," Applejack said as she looked down at the cocoa in front of her. "I wasn't thinkin' with my brain, if you know what ah mean. I wanted him. The bulls and the cows aren't that bad. I may as well have been a dumb critter in heat for all the good I was."

"Applejack, I'm not some pony paragon because I could pass through that and do what he asked," Rarity said, "I just held on until I could toss him in a dressing room and communicate without him talking. I doubt you have experience with your customers having a meltdown before you can get them what they need. This time it was me having the near meltdown, and I handled it that same way."

"You still did betterin' we did," Applejack said, "Fluttershy and Pinkie did better still."

"I just thinking how sad he was, and how much he'd smile when he was back to normal. And how smart he is," Pinkie said.

"How does being smart change anything?" Rainbow asked.

"Cause he could change just for somepony special," Pinkie Pie said and grinned at Fluttershy, "Who could be specialler than the mares who rescued him?"

Fluttershy eeped and tried to hide her blushing face with her tail. She fainted instead.

"Well, that lets us out," Applejack said, "Rarity might have a chance though."

Rarity eeped, and joined Fluttershy on the floor.

"Sleep over!" Pinkie Pie announced and snuggle-pounced her two semi-comatose friends.

21) The Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place?

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - The Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 34

Armor fervently wished he was with Princess Luna bearding Nightmare in her lair. Anything is better than this, he thought as he looked down at Dinky's trusting expression.

"He's gonna be all right, isn't he?" the little filly asked fearfully.

"He's going to recover," he said, "But it isn't going to be easy. Someone who's been through something like this tends to act a little strange. They tend to remember it a lot more than is healthy. And they tend to act like it could happen again."

"We won't let it!" the filly insisted.

"And he'll believe that, but his mind will still react to things as if it might," Armor said, "You shouldn't go out and beat up the people who hurt him, or threaten people who set him off. You have to concentrate on him and each other."

He took a deep breath. I hate this part, he thought.

"The most worrying thing, is that people have an emotions tank. Like if you're scared, but you have to be brave, you put that fear in your emotion tank, and it will drain away after a while. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Dinky said.

Armor noted the others were listening just as closely. "His got filled up, and it is draining slowly. So something might slosh out or he might try to empty it by bailing it out. So he'll get scared, or angry, for no reason at all. Because he tried to put something in there, and something else sloshed out. Or he's trying to empty it so he can get better. Understand. He isn't mad at you. He isn't scared of you. He's just mad, or scared. Don't react, remember, he isn't scared or you, he isn't mad at you, he's just emptying the tank from something that already happened."

"Can't he empty it faster?" Dinky asked.

"How angry or scared do you want him to be?" Armor asked, "He can be pretty scary when he's calm. This has to go slow, for his safety and for yours."

"We still love him," Dinky said.

"That's good, show him that. That's the best way to help him heal. He's hurt, like a broken leg, he's going to be very wobbly for a while."

"I had a broken leg, and a cast. Can't they use magic to heal him faster? Like they did me?" Dinky asked.

"Empty his emotion tank quicker? Not safely. He's got to heal the old-fashioned way," Armor said. "Now if you feel a little bad and overwhelmed by all of this, go talk to Forget-me-Nots, she's seen this a bunch of times. You'll need to talk about it too. It's going to be confusing, but the stronger you can be for him, the faster he can recover."

"Okay," the filly said quietly and nodded. She scampered off to hug her momma and cry in her mane.

Armor signaled Lyra and Bonbon over. He led them a short distance away. "There may also be bouts of mania, him feeling so good he'll do things the Crusaders on a three-day sugar binge wouldn't think of. Those are even more dangerous than getting angry or scared. But if I've seen his behavior before, I think you're going to be dealing with depression, which is more frustrating. He just won't care, about anything. Frankly a kid like Dinky will handle happy, scared or mad a lot better than being ignored."

"I understand," Lyra said, "How often does this happen that you can be such an expert?"

"For ponies who fight, or do rescues, a lot," Armor admitted.

The pair nodded worriedly and looked around at where they'd have to work from.

Nurse Redheart covered the shivering form and checked that the heat from the blankets was not excessive. She was surprised by finding the Solar Diarch standing in the doorway looking in. There can be two reasons for that, the nurse pony thought, gave a final check to the set up and headed outside the room to confer, or be lectured.

"Physically, his condition is excellent. There is lingering shock from the transformation, but that's easily cured by rest and light activity for a few days. There are no permanent injuries, physically."

"Psychologically?" Celestia asked.

"That is a very gray area," Redheart replied, still aware how this conversation could turn, "If he were a pony, I would have a regimen of treatment to help him through this. The classical term is 'sunstroke' although it has nothing to do with over exposure to the sun. How an alien creature would react to the trauma depends on how it perceived the trauma and many cultural and psychological modifiers. If he perceived it as merely the attack of prey animals, his recovery could be very quick."

"We both know that he knows the intent of the attack," Celestia said quietly.

"Highness, the counseling services of this hospital are slight, and they require that the patient be able to communicate. Perhaps Canterlot has the resources, all we can do is prep his caregivers and counsel them on his reactions."

The wintery smile from Celestia warned Redheart she'd trod ever so slightly on the subject that the Diarch wanted to breach.

Let her play her game, Redheart thought, If she wishes to discuss it, let her bring it up. I have no intention of broaching the subject, despite prompting to do so.

"If he were a pony, what would you recommend?" Celestia asked.

"There are drugs, mental therapies, didn't you attempt such a thing? I believe it had a less than desired effect," Redheart said, "So that's out. The alien's socio-sexual dynamic is very strange compared to ponies, so I wouldn't even begin to imagine what types of therapies that would affect someone who can't communicate their effectiveness. Blundering around would cause vastly more harm than good."

"Perhaps, leaving Ponyville for a time. Fresh scenery," Celestia suggested.

Well played, but we aren't morons out here, Redheart mentally replied, And he's my patient. I have to want him well, I don't have to like him as a person.

"No," she said firmly. "At this point adding further uncertainties would not be good. The safe and familiar will be more therapeutic. We also have to consider the strain being put on his caregivers. Uprooting them will reduce their ability to give him the support he needs."

"So your plan to slip him out of Ponyville has failed?" Celestia asked pointedly.

Redheart steeled herself. "The plan, was to ensure his home, his new family, and what he held important would be safe. Safe from mad mobs of ponies, and safe from ponies who should know to leave well enough alone. His natural curiosity about this world would draw him away from Ponyville for stretches of time. In medicine, we have drugs that in pure form, or in large doses, are lethal poisons. Curare being the most obvious. Those same drugs, in proper, small, measured doses are miracles for those afflicted with various diseases and conditions. Small doses of him, scattered throughout Equestria might be very beneficial. As marethridatism against more dangerous poisons, if for no other benefit. The concentration at Ponyville would and has caused problems. Even Canterlot can't handle him, even small doses. He always winds up in a cell or a hospital bed."

Celestia frowned at that. The pair stared placidly at each other. Celestia seemed to use the silence to draw more out of Redheart, while Redheart waited for a direct question.

"Very well," the Solar Diarch said. "Please update me when his condition improves."

"I shall," Redheart said and watched her leave. Once she was out of sight, the nurse sagged against a wall in fear and exhaustion.

I don't ever want to do that again, she thought.

I am both pleased and disturbed, Celestia thought as she walked out of the hospital, She believes she is right, and she will see him well, because of who she is rather than in spite of who, what he is. But why am I so pleased? Is it so rare in Canterlot that I must travel to another place to see it? Bonbon was the same. She did not like or have confidence in him, but she would not see him harmed while she stood idle. Why can I not feel as those ponies do? He fears to misbehave for fear of my wrath. Is that not a sufficient check on him? Why am I so certain it is not?

She looked up as Luna and a collection of nightguards alighted on the Ponyville square.

"Well met, Luna," she said.

"Not as well as I might hope," Luna replied, "The temple is fallen, destroyed from within. But recently, and not by any magic. Consumed, as if the force that bound it together was withdrawn. Stone to stone, and the stones themselves fallen to powder. Nothing remains. In a few years, the forest will grow over it and nothing will mark the spot as different."

"Nightmare would not have rebuilt her temple, then destroyed it, unless she was residing else where," Celestia said. Then she looked back at the building, and up to the room she'd just left. "She wouldn't be that stupid, would she?"

"Hope springs eternal," Luna said, "I think I need to take a quick, noninteracting look around. He won't sense me, although I won't be able to do anything if Nightmare is there."

"Do it," Celestia said.

I can practically hear Bonbon and Redheart accusing me of hypocrisy, of decrying their distrust and acting on my own. But what choice do I have? Celestia silently argued, Discord, and Nightmare Moon, together, and is it worse if he can defeat or enthrall both of them, or that they overwhelm him? I don't know, I just don't.

"Idiot."

The accusation brought Celestia's attention back to the here and now. Luna glaring at her told her who had made the statement.

"You have a pack of friends who would worship the ground you walked on, if you'd permit it. Who have faced, together, many of the ancient enemies, and bested all they have faced," Luna said sternly, as if lecturing a willfully stupid child, "And now you have a problem, and you won't share it with them. A problem on the very subject you sent your student out here to study. Or have you finally become a true Canterlot noble, too proud to admit weakness, and above all the hicks who live just outside one of the most dangerous pieces of real estate on the continent?"

Celestia frowned at that, and her own foolishness. "Perhaps the teacher needs to be a student again," she admitted.

"Perhaps. Cadence can hold the throne for a few more hours. She will have to learn to hold it longer than that shortly," Luna said, and gestured with her wing, "Go, we both have our tasks."

Celestia bowed formally as so many others did to her, grinning at Luna's irritation. Then she cantered off to find Twilight and the Bearers.

Luna glanced at her guard, her grim smile on her face. "We've got to get that girl a stallion friend. I think Rarity should have called her in first."

"Considering the conflicted nature of their feelings towards each other," Sylvian Springs said, "They would have leveled the town, and made you an aunt."

"You're right, we should have teleported him to the old castle, then sent Her Uptightness in alone," Luna agreed, "Very wise." Luna glanced around and her eyes fell on the Town Hall. Closed at this hour, but she had the keys. "We'll set up in there. I think a quick pass through is the best course of action."

"Not at the hospital?" Sylvian Springs asked.

Luna shook her head as she marched. "If he wakes and sees me, then all the subtlety is for nothing. This is close enough." She touched her horn to the locks, then pushed the doors open. She settled down on one of the rugs, and closed her eyes. " 'If you want to do something naughty to me, please wake me up first', where does the girl get the gall, and how does she manage to get labeled a mouse?" Luna asked.

The transition was almost seamless, a disturbing change from slipping into ponies' dreams or squirming into his previous dreams like trying to put on undersized clothing.

"The principal tenet of the religious is that God loves you," she heard, in clear Equestrian.

He should be having a mental meltdown, and we get a philosophical debate, Luna thought as she headed through the formless expanse. No barriers could be seen, but visibility was a few yards. Like unseal walls. Something couldn't be seen, then was crystal clear.

"So why isn't that what is taught," a younger voice said, "It seems so simple."

"Because it is revolutionary. And the churches and governments suppress it. If the creator of the universe loves you, for all your flaws and faults, then what do you need church or government for? It's also a terrifying thought. But it fueled the Enlightenment, and the idea that each and every person has value and equal standing before the law."

Luna stepped through the visibility limit, and saw a fried egg lying on the ground. An unbroken egg rested on the edge of the table, seemingly looking down. Bits of shell with dots for eyes and lines for mouths clustered around the fried egg, all of them taking notes.

"So, flawed as I am," the whole egg on the table asked, "God loves me?"

"Yes," the fried egg replied.

Oh dear, Luna thought, I may have spoken too soon. She gingerly withdrew and headed off in another direction. She turned suddenly at the perception of being watched. Play your games, Nightmare. This time, I am ready for you.

She walked through another barrier. The scale of what could be seen here was far greater. It needed to be. The music was a collection of gentle woodwinds, playing a slow and dainty melody. The dress was blue silk, tied at the waist with a yellow silk sash and decorated with embroidery or silk-screening of birds resting on branches or in flight. The birds were so lifelike that they seemed to fly as the dancer moved.

Rarity would love to see that dress, but I'm not bringing her in here to see it, Luna thought, as she watched the figure in the dress combine a slow graceful dance with the serving of tea. Luna caught scents of jasmine, bergamot oil and darjeeling. Celestia would love a cup of that tea, she thought, desperately trying to avoid the central focus of the scene. The server/dancer wasn't a reptile, despite the dorsal spines and alligator-shaped tail. That's a mountain carved to look like a reptile! NO, that's the creature from that movie we all watched! Luna thought of the gray-brown dancer, as a cup of tea, she could have easily bathed in was set before her, a graceful pirouette and bow, and a mint leaf a yard across was added so harmoniously, it made not a ripple on the surface of the tea. The step ladder added a moment later, and the fan the size of a small house flipped open to hide a girlish giggle. All without the earthquakes that a being that size moving should have created with every step.

Luna stepped up and elegantly slurped up some of the most delicious tea she had ever had in her life. She bowed to the server, who coquettishly hid behind the fan to hide her blush.

Okay, Fluttershy as a full-grown dragon, Luna thought.

"Fool, enjoying your tea?" Nightmare asked as she appeared.

"You!" Luna hissed.

"I am here, and here I stay. I must thank your ponies for paving the way," Nightmare exulted, "Normally he would resist, but filled with fury at your ponies, and self-loathing, he will AWK!"

Nightmare had forgotten the server, who caught her between two ribs of her fan, and plunged the struggling mare of darkness into one of the immense tea cups. And held her there as bubbles rose to the surface.

The server bowed, and Luna took her cue to leave.

Weakened and battered, his constructs can more than handle whatever Equestria can throw at him, Luna thought, I need to finish my assessment. Nightmare is not the greatest problem here. She trotted away as quickly as decorum allowed.

The paw that dragged Nightmare coughing and sputtering out of the tea was not the immense monster's who had thrust her in. "Discord!" Nightmare hissed, "Your treachery knows no bounds! I will punish -!"

Discord held her under the tea for a while longer.

The singing was nonsense, but it drew her as it would have drawn any pony.

"Les pan-zer, les pan-zer. How I love les pan-zer."

Luna spotted the Big Guy in a chef's hat and apron. He had a caldron on an open fire and danced lightly across the grass space he'd set up as a makeshift kitchen. A short distance away was a corral full of immense, armored war machines. Their tracked chassis were surmounted by revolving turrets that 'looked' around, as if seeking an escape. One of them was chained down near the caldron. Despite having no eyes or other features, she sensed their terror and pleas for rescue aimed at her.

"Love to chop and to serve little tanks. First you cut off their heads," he sang as sliced off the revolving turret. He then reached inside. He threw other humans, who were probably the crew, out of the tank. "Then you pull out their bones, ah mais oui ca c'est toujours delish." The crew men took one look around, and he let them run for their lives.

"Les pan-zer, les pan-zer. Hee hee hee, hah hah hah. With the cleaver I hack them in two," he sang and sliced the huge machine in half, and pulled the huge chunks of metal out of the rearmost compartment. "You pull out what's inside and you serve it up fried." He dropped the two oil-dribbling chunks into the caldron, despite that they shouldn't have fit.

He shouldn't have been able lift them, Luna thought in amazement.

"God, I love little tankies, don't you?" he asked Luna s his dance carried him near her.

She shied back. How did he spot me?! she wondered, And am I on the menu?

He continued addressing her as he worked, "Here's something for tempting the palate. Prepared in the classic technique." He whipped out a hammer than was bigger than he was. "First you pound the tank flat with a mallet." The squashed tank's wheels rolled off in all directions and the long tube mounted on the turret sailed off toward the horizon. The other tanks seemed horrified by their companion's fate.

"Then you slash off their skin." The cleaver came out and removed the thick slabs of metal that armored the turret, top, and sides of the vehicle. The crew took the hint and ran for their lives as he flipped the huge machine upside down. "Give their belly a slice. Then you rub some salt in, 'cause it makes it taste nice." He lopped a section off and offered it to Luna.

She reluctantly accepted, but sniffed at it. It's Germane chocolate cake, she thought, Okay, just go with it. The taste was absolutely heavenly.

"Zoot alors, I have missed one!" he called from behind the corral, "Sacre bleu, what is this?" He began dragging another armored vehicle towards the caldron. If his previous prey had been huge, this one was absolutely immense. The metal belts encircling the wheels spun frantically, but couldn't prevent him from dragging it forward.

"How on earth could I miss such a sweet, little, succulent Maus," he sang. The roar of the vehicle's engine failed as smoke poured thickly out of the back. The crew bailed out and ran in all directions. He lifted the massive machine, then stuffed it in a five-gallon bucket.

Luna mentally shrugged as she continued feasting on the chunk of cake.

"Quel Domage, what a loss. Here we go, in the sauce," he pulled the massive vehicle from the five-gallon bucket, and swatted it with a bag of flour. "Now some flour I think just a dab."

He pulled out several loaves of Fancy bread and stuffed them down the two differently-sized tubes in the turret. "Now I stuff you with bread." He hugged the larger tube. "It won't hurt, 'cause you're dead! And you're certainly lucky you are."

He lifted the vehicle over his head and stuffed it in the caldron. " 'Cause it's gonna be hot in my big silver pot! Tout-aloo mon pan-zer, au revoir."

Discord senses a lessening of Nightmare's struggles. He dragged her to the surface of the tea.

She glared at him, he grinned back and waited.

"I will put you through this indignity a thousand times before -" she threatened.

He shoved her back under and waited.

Luna had no idea where she was. The myriad humans drank coffee, some moved containers around in the darkness. Dawn was fast approaching. Holes and trenches dotted the area, even ones large enough for the vehicles. She spotted one young male who moved like the Big Guy, and she noted how differently he moved than the others. A grace and tentative purposefulness with which he walked. And far more quietly, she thought as she wended through the crunch of boots on loose rock and snow. But you almost don't hear him.

He paused by one absolutely terrified youngster in a deep, sandbagged hole. Despite not being physically much older, the Big Guy seemed old by comparison. The youngster sat in the bottom of the home with hands clasped tightly, shivering not from the cold but from fear.

"O Trinity of love and power! Our brethren shield in danger's hour," the youngster tried to sing but ended up chanting instead, "From rock and tempest, fire and foe, protect them wheresoe'er they go; Thus evermore shall rise to Thee glad hymns of praise from land and sea."

The youngster looked up ashamedly at the veteran looking down at him. "Relax, only one nation has ever given 'what for' to you Yanks repeatedly, and we're together with you on this one."

The youngster gulped and nodded. He checked the headset and the microphone he was manning. The Big Guy continued to the six vehicles strung out in line abreast. Unlike the tanks, these had belts on their front wheels and regular wheels in back.

But the drivers are at the back, Luna noted as she walked close, Strange.

These too had turrets, but four smaller guns surrounded the man at the center of the turret. Strange domed boxes attached to the side of the guns, and several more rested on the bed of the vehicle, with troops to do whatever they'd do with them.

The Big Guy walked among the crews, checking on them. Luna caught subtle and not so subtle differences in the uniforms, equipment and even the style of speaking. They seemed to all speak basically the same language, but the differences were notable.

Another youngster, this one the Big Guy saluted.

"The men are turned out and we're ready. Cloudkillers are set. If your ships can do their job, we'll ambush the ChiComs for once," the Big Guy said with a feral tone.

"Lot of bait," the youngster said nervously, "Yours and ours."

"They're all 'ours', captain, every mud marine, Anzac, Tommie and Bloggins of them, sir," the Big Guy said mildly, but the youngster still flinched. The Big Guy saluted and moved off.

Another soldier approached the shaken captain. He was smaller, darker skinned and had an aura of cheerfulness. "Don't worry Captain, he like you and trying to make you good soldier. If he not like you, you already have tragic accident. Been in service to the King since centurion was rank, not a tank. When we win, then he'll be happy."

Luna chuckled at that, but followed the Big Guy. He fished a small telescope out of his heavy coat and looked to the east. Luna could make out a few vehicles similar to the ones he'd been skinning, or the flame throwing type she'd encountered in a previous dream. She realized that they were dug in on a small hill overlooking a large plain, and troops were advancing towards them. No, the first group are retreating this way, the others are pursuing them, she realized.

Flares appeared over the battlefield, illuminating the field. The pursuing forces made the mistake of pausing, while the pursued opened the distance. The vehicles began firing. Upper pair of guns, then the lower bank, then the upper bank again. The pursuers scattered, letting the pursued open the distance more as they struggled forward.

Luna saw many of the pursued were wounded. A few vehicles were loaded down with wounded as those in better condition walked along. At some signal, the distance had opened enough, and the world exploded. Explosions appeared amid the pursuing troops trying to find cover. The frightened young human stood with his headset, microphone and a pair of binoculars and spoke into the microphone.

That's what he thinks Celestia will do to him, Luna realized, as she scanned the skies and the ground. She could see small objects coming in at speed, but couldn't see what had thrown them. Death from an unseen source, with no ability to answer and no place to hide.

She caught one glimpse of the Big Guy looking grimly satisfied at the slaughter of unknown numbers of enemies, to save his people. They are alike, she thought as the vision faded.

Discord hauled Nightmare out of the tea, again. He paused and waited for her to quit sputtering and coughing. Then he waited for the threat, insult or violent escape attempt from her. When it didn't come. "Are you willing to listen?" he asked.

The tea-logged creature stared hatefully at him. She sighed. "Do I have a choice?" she asked.

"Certainly," he raised her up as if to plunge her beneath the surface.

"I will listen," she said tiredly.

"You come here, he will destroy you," Discord said without malice, "You and your 'world of darkness' don't really have a comparison here. You are unbelievably outclassed. What you believe are the depths and benefits of evil are absurdity of the wildest sort."

"And you are the expert?" she asked, "You have plumbed all of the darkness in his soul?"

"I have seen the darkness he's walked through, and refused to let touch his soul. A very different thing."

"Then he will be mine," she said tiredly, "You know what the ponies tried to do to him? What he escaped by the barest margins?"

"I am aware of your hand in it. And so is he," Discord said, "It still is nothing." He looked at her tiredly. "I have seen things that have shown me the folly of your vison."

She laughed at him.

"Oh, then perhaps I can save you another way. If you will not surrender, then you will have to depend on pity." He dragged her out of the huge teacup and across the field, pausing only long enough to let her get her feet beneath her.

"What could you possibly have seen that could match the reality of what I am?" Nightmare asked dismissively.

"There are things that even the void will not look upon willingly. You don't even come close," Discord said warily as he escorted/dragged her along.

Celestia was vaguely disappointed that Twilight hadn't been in the library, and when she'd tracked her down to Sugarcube Corners, only Pinkie was still awake. Different from her reputation, Pinkie had quietly slipped out of the collection of sleeping mares to walk outside and speak with Celestia. Pinkie even quietly closed the door behind her.

Pinkie did look closely at her, and saw the lack of regalia. "Celestia?" she asked carefully.

"Yes, I was hoping to speak with you and the others," Celestia said.

Pinkie looked back to her friends, then apologetically looked to Celestia. "I think they need the rest," Pinkie said, then she brightened, "I know I can help."

"Thank you," Celestia admitted.

"Her Highness needs to think about how to use her resources," Pinkie said quietly, "I didn't realize, until I saw him as an alicorn, that maybe she sees something she really wants, painfully needs, but it isn't hers. I was angry that Fluttershy was 'stealing' him, and delighted she'd found someone so wonderful. Both feelings frightened me. Maybe her Highness needs to accept that he can only be her friend, not her possession. But he would want to help her with her problems."

Celestia nodded. "But he's dangerous."

"As awful as it sounds," Pinkie said, her head bowed, "Maybe Bonbon's idea isn't so bad. Giving somebody what they really want, so they do what they and you want, is that really tricking them?"

"Yes, but perhaps not with malice," Celestia admitted, "But that isn't what stands before us now."

"Yes," Pinkie admitted, "The real question is: what is her Highness going to do about the ponies who hurt him? I already know most are saying 'it was the Poison Joak, not me'."

Celestia started at that.

"So, the Poison Joak didn't bring out anything that wasn't already there," Pinkie said and looked away, "This is bad."

"Yes, it doesn't have the power to make what doesn't exist, merely change things a bit," Celestia said, and realized what Pinkie had been hinting at. "It could make a stallion handsome, a mare beautiful, but not make a glamor that would enthrall ponies. Nightmare. She had a hand in this."

"Going the other way actually," Pinkie said, "Some of those who hated him most, were snared hardest and did the worst. I think you are looking in the wrong place for darkness. Those ponies had it in them before he ever arrived. He just fanned the embers. Although embers of darkness really doesn't work. Something that fans embers makes it brighter and warmer, this made them darker and colder. Threw snowballs, bigger, set off the avalanche, too big."

"I understand what you mean. And I don't have a good meta - for it either," Celestia said.

Pinkie giggled. "But her Highness still has to think about the ponies. If they can blame what they did on something outside them, they'll never look at the real problem."

Celestia nodded. "Quite a lot to tell her Highness," Celestia agreed. "What about your anger?" she asked.

Pinkie thought deeply. "I haven't found an answer for that yet. I'm angry about what they did, I'm angry that I didn't get the chance to cuddle with him, I'm angry that because of what happened, he'll never do that again so I'll never have the chance," Pinkie said, and sighed, "And I'm angry with Pinkie, because she may have started it all."

"How so?" Celestia asked.

"By invading his home, twice," Pinkie said, "By starting to knock out the pillars that let him feel safe. I didn't realize how much ponies needed a safe place, until I . . . ," she trailed off, "I make things. Nobody cares, but I'm afraid to talk about them. He was so happy when he saw one of my toys, even after everything else that happened to him." She smiled, but the smile faded. "Then I realized I hadn't mentioned it, because I didn't want to be teased about it. I had a secret place, and kept everyone away from it. Yet I invaded his. That's not right." She shook her head.

"Perhaps you can make it up to him," Celestia offered.

Pinkie's grin was a particularly poignant one. "That's been worrying me."

Luna stared in horror at the choir of clams singing and the images that formed out of the unseen. Her sister, alone amid a party, ignoring the food and festivities around her to pick up the grains strewn about and walked on by the celebrants.

"Ah, look at all the lonely people. Ah, look at all the lonely people. Lovely Celestia picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been," the clams sang.

The desolate Celestia in her apartments had a sign saying 'Smile on Pain of Death, Luna is returning.' as she opened the door to the courtiers, her smile appeared.

"Lives in a dream, waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door. Who is it for?"

"All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?"

Luna hissed as Discord appeared, but not as the arrogant chaos-bringer, but as a lost soul staring at the tiny figurine of a rearing Celestia, spinning on a music box that provided beautiful accompaniment to the singing of the clams.

"All the lonely people. Where do they all belong?"

"Poor little Discord, writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear. No one comes near."

He set the figurine on a table, laid his head beside it and simply stared at the glittering jewel as the light illuminated it from different angles. He had none of the hubris or egotism of his usual demeanor. His attention focused solely on the figurine and the flashes of light it caught and reflected.

"Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there. What does he care?"

Images of the arguments, Luna remembered Discord and Celestia having. And worse, the consequences of each being unchecked without the influence of the other.

"All the lonely people. Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

The scene was Celestia's coronation as monarch, after the defeat of Nightmare Moon.

"Ah, look at all the lonely people. Ah, look at all the lonely people."

Why the ponies around her celebrated. Celestia reacted to even the hint of Luna being there, or anything that would have caught Luna's attention. As it went on, these distractions went from troubling, to heartbreaking. She finally walked out into the statue garden and stopped before one in particular.

"Pretty Celestia died in the church and was buried along with her mane, nobody came. Poor Little Discord wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave. No one was saved."

The scene blurred. Luna realized it was her own tears at the terrible loneliness of her sister, laid out so clearly.

"All the lonely people (ah, look at all the lonely people). Where do they all come from? All the lonely people (ah, look at all the lonely people). Where do they all belong?"

Luna turned and ran from the scenes that continued to play out.

Nightmare looked at the peaked cap and light-gray, military uniform that Discord had materialized and now wore. "Playing dress up?"

"Trying to save your life, and giving you a lesson in the value of pity," Discord answered.

"I have no pity for these fools," Nightmare replied.

"You'll learn the value of it, soon enough," Discord said as they walked. The walls of the place were just posts, with barbed wire strung between them. Inside were huts and outbuildings where humans alone or in small groups walked. Guards were in evidence, but they there all ponies dressed in uniforms similar to Discord's and even Nightmare felt uneasy about this.

"I am supposed to be afraid?" Nightmare asked, "The prisoners are humans, the guards are ponies. It shows he has gone insane, nothing more."

"Then you are a fool. All you have to do is hold out, until April 15th. Most of those inside don't even know they have hope. You do. But I doubt you'll do as well as them. If he were to find you wandering around outside, in his mind, he'll tear you limb from limb. The guards here were originally humans, for a certain value of 'human'. He finds you in there, I guarantee you'll survive. He might actually listen to your pleas, and feel pity for you."

"This place cannot hold Nightmare," she boasted.

"There are nightmares, and there are nightmares," Discord replied and stepped up to a bored-looking pony in a uniform similar to his own. He clicked his heels and raised an arm. The bored clerk raised her foreleg languidly.

"Gypsy, she thinks she has magic powers," Discord said.

Nightmare tried to break away, but Discord's grip was firm.

"There is no magic for them here," the clerk said without mirth, and accepted the packet of papers from Discord. Two ponies dragged the struggling Nightmare inside.

"You'll pay dearly for this!" she shouted at him.

"Yes," Discord agreed, "But not to you." He saluted the clerk again and walked off. A locomotive pulling a long line of cattle-cars passed between them and Nightmare lost sight of Discord.

Nightmare found her shape-changing powers were useless, and her other powers had been stripped from her. She was an ordinary horse, and nothing more. "You cannot hold me here."

The guard chuckled, but ignored her.

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

"Fifty-six!"

The disjointed chorus of cries had drawn her, but Luna looked at the tall wall before her and sneered. "Even if I couldn't fly, I could jump over this." She took to the air to see what the commotion on the far side of the wall was about.

As she topped the wall, a slug of mud hit her in the face hard enough to shock her into tumbling back to the base of the wall.

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

"Fifty-seven!"

Luna cleaned the mud out of her eyes and off her face. "I deserved that," she admitted, and started walking along the base of the wall.

Shining Armor walked the empty streets of Ponyville. This could almost be a dream, or a nightmare, he thought idly of what they'd found, among the ponies, and outside of town. I know how excited some ponies can get, and how the nobles react, but I never through regular ponies could get like that.

"Bit for your thoughts?" Cadence asked as she approached.

He approached slowly. "Aren't you . . . ?"

"Luna took the throne. I decided to come here to keep an eye on you. And to see what I could do to help," Cadence asked as she approached. Something in his expression forestalled her usual nuzzle, and instead she fell in beside him. "This really is bothering you, isn't it."

"All of it. I'm supposed to maintain order in the capital, and defend their Highnesses. Something that, up to the appearance of Nightmare Moon, I felt wholly confident I could achieve. Now, I'm not sure I can do anything. I'm not even sure from where the next threat comes. This one shook their Highnesses' faith in their own ponies. Mine too. How do I defend against that?"

"By remembering that some ponies rescued him. Yes, I heard the preliminary reports," Cadence admitted, "Expecting every pony to be a stew of good intentions without the faintest hint of corruption is foolishness. Some ponies are just bad. Not like Sombra or Nightmare, but they care so little for others, some don't even care about themselves as long as their schemes go ahead."

"That's what bothers me. We both know a pony who could so easily go that way. Did Celestia send her here to prevent that? Is, my own sister as dangerous as that?"

"Twilight isn't malicious. She doesn't have an evil bone in her body," Cadence said.

"It was thoughtlessness that did the real damage here, not fanged, cackling evil. And we both know that Twilie can become fixated to the point of not eating and not sleeping."

"You can't look after her forever, and she does have friends who look out for her. She didn't participate. She didn't help, but she didn't take part," Cadence replied.

"This time. What about next time, or the time after that. I guess what I'm asking is how do I make Twilight see other ponies around her, their needs and desires, without her being as obsessed with them as she is with books and schedules?"

"Patience. She's learning, and I think Celestia has a plan for her," Cadence said, "Now, speaking of obsessive unicorns. Somepony needs some sleep."

"Can't sleep, the dreams will eat me," he said, not altogether jokingly.

"Then I'll have to be there to keep them away," Cadence said as she bumped her flank into his to steer him to the temporary quarters.

"Discord!" Luna hissed as she faced off against the chaos spirit. Suddenly appearing beside her was a weapons' rack. In it were a white duck wearing a sailor's tunic and cap, and a black duck with a white collar.

"Even I'm not going to try and explain that joke," Discord said, "Say! I bet you're looking for Nightmare. Well, guess what. I found her and put her in a wonderful place. But first, the commercial."

"Where is she?" Luna demanded, lowering her horn and preparing to charge.

The image changed to a snowy landscape. Somewhere, Discord had obtained a guitar which he strummed happily. "The day the river freezes, is the day it won't seem fair," he sang as he walked along the road. An officer gestured for troops resting in ditches and trenches to get up and move into a nearby town. A much younger version of the Big Guy was among them. " 'Cos they'll come to get the river lady and I don't think they'll care."

The troops walked or jogged into town. In the middle of the town several, very large weapons were dug in. The crews jeered at the infantry.

"I know they'll scrape her paint off, in their same, old, foolish ways," Discord sang, "Now the people see the river, but the old ship's gone away."

Discord nodded to the road leading into town. Coming out of the treeline were three of the huge 'panzers' that the Big Guy had been butchering and cooking earlier.

"Water turns cold and gets to freezing," Discord sang as the weapons fired shot after shot at the trio of behemoths, to no effect.

So much for confidence, Luna thought as the infantry added their weapons to the unequal battle.

"Before you even know it, the old girl's easing, away from her berth, round by the point and out of our view," Discord sang, ignoring the return fire that reduced the weapons and their arrogant gunners to flaming scrap, and the smaller weapons that ripped the other infantry to shreds.

Luna looked at the red staining the slush and snow, and considered how anyone could survive.

"Off in the mist her engines pounding, back on the banks, that old horn's sounding," Discord sang, and pointed to the Big Guy and two other solders running away, but running perpendicular to the route of advance of the monsters. "A little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do. A little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do."

Discord sang while these metal monsters continued through the town. The weapons in their turrets, or on their front hull destroying any weapons or soldier, who stood up to them.

"I know I will remember, when I cannot hear that horn, that would roll up by the mountains," Discord sang, "As she took us through the storm. I know they've got to take her, but I can't say I approve, 'cos she's won so many battles that I hate to see her lose."

The Big Guy and his two companions had taken up positions on several low buildings. They waited for the trio of 'panzers' to come down the street. Then each one of them jumped down on the panzer. The Big Guy jumped on the front one. Each soldier did the same, shoved a grenade through a hatch and jumped off the panzer before the rapid fire weapon could cut them to pieces.

"Water turns cold and gets to freezing before you even know it, the old girl's easing," Discord sang as smoke and screams emanated from the three panzers. "Away from her berth, round by the point and out of our view."

The crews bailed out, and the trio of soldiers, used their own fast-firing weapons to cut the opposing soldiers to pieces, before they ran from the vicinity. Luna noted that the crews weren't young men, but older boys. That hadn't stayed the Big Guy's hand.

"Off in the mist her engines pounding, back on the banks, that old horn's sounding a little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do," Discord sang, "A little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do."

Each of the three machines exploded, sending a column of smoke up to meet an annulus, to form a mushroom like shape.

"Water turns cold and gets to freezing, before you even know it, the old girl's easing. Away from her berth, round by the point and out of our view," Discord sang as he and Luna returned with the Big Guy to the site of the initial penetration to search for and rescue survivors. "Off in the mist her engines pounding, back on the banks, that old horn's sounding a little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do. A little good-bye, a little I'll do what I must do." Discord's guitar vanished. He watched the Big Guy and several other soldiers check for survivors among the fallen.

"Those were the most feared tanks on the battlefield. 'A little good bye, a little I'll do what I must do' indeed. Do you begin to understand a little more? Nightmare is not going to be a threat, when that isn't a crazed nightmare, but a memory. There are far darker things than her lurking about."

"She'll have to be dealt with," Luna insisted, "And I don't trust that you can contain her."

"Like I said, I found her and put her in a wonderful place," Discord said.

"Where is she?" Luna demanded, again lowering her horn and preparing to charge.

"Can't you just accept my word that it's no where you want to know about? No?" Discord said, "On your head it all shall be."

"Where is she?" Luna asked angrily.

"The name wouldn't mean anything, but suffice it to say, she can't get out, and she'll be no danger to you or anyone else, after the Big Guy releases her."

"How do you know that?" Luna asked as she circled, looking for an opening.

Discord let his head rotate as he watched her, grinning the entire time. "I bet you want to see for yourself. Why didn't you just say so? Come this way. You'll see all the recreational activities, and healthy exercise, and of course the stirring music and cultural exchanges. And the best part, it's so orderly. Celestia would just love how everyone lives in Harmony. People who would have hated each other with a passion before coming there. They're like brothers now. A few flare ups, but still, united in purpose."

Luna reluctantly followed. "What about him?"

"Scattered all over," Discord admitted, "Pieces here, pieces there, all fragmented. Your 'little ponies' did a better job than even I could manage. Tell Celestia how proud she should be of them. I'll give even odds he'll take his own life within the week. Ends her problem and she gets to cry about it at the funeral. 'Tragic loss of life' in public, then hysterical giggles of relief in private."

Luna ground her teeth as she followed.

Selene Dreamer had slipped away from her keepers. She felt the disturbance as clearly as others sensed the sun and moon. While the adults bustled around her, or slept, she moved with quiet purpose. Like a clanging bell she could track the source. And like a master weaver she could sense where the knot was that destroyed the art of the entire tapestry. The knot drew her. She could feel the skeins that she needed, and those who would stay away.

Mother is the first, but she is in her elsewhere, she thought as she approached the unicorn filly sleeping under her mother's wing.

Selene Dreamer put a hoof over the filly's mouth to forestall the outcry when she woke unexpectedly.

The filly looked at the little alicorn who gestured for her to follow. The unicorn slipped away from her mother and followed into the room. The smell of illness and disinfectants assaulted her nose, but Selene Dreamer stayed her course.

Had the disturbance been sound, it would have been beyond deafening. But she ignored her discomfort. She knew that there was a simple cure. She collected the filly and raised the pair of them to the bed. There she saw the source. She sensed more tangles that she could unwind in her long lifespan, but untangling one would allow the others to unknot in their own time.

She gestured for the filly to take up a position at the creature's chest, as she placed herself to guard his neck. His arms surrounded the filly of their own accord, and the slight muscle spasms eased. She positioned herself and felt the knots loosen ever so slightly. She let herself drift off, riding the skeins to see where they led, and to whom.

So many, she thought idly, No wonder Aunty Celestia is frightened. Then she caught a connection that nearly gave her an attack of the giggles. She stifled it, but only just. Oh, that will be funny, she thought, And, one other, ah, yes. Welcome who I once was and am no longer. You are a fool. But even Discord gives you a chance. If you fall, none will deserve the blame but you. She again fought back chuckles from the realization of what one act would untangle everything. She nearly injured herself thinking about proposing that one solution, and the terror of all. She returned to riding the skeins to less fascinating connections. Seeking the ones who would untie the knots she saw in their myriad numbers.

Luna jumped to her hooves so quickly her guards searched for the attacker. When she took one staggering step, then another, they changed their search to locate a bucket for her Highness to use.

She waved away their concerns. "I am, satisfied with my investigation. Nightmare is contained, for now. And if she survives, she will be much diminished." She walked past them and into the night air, taking great gulps of it. Trying to smell Equestria, and blot out the memories of what she had seen. Where Discord had placed Nightmare, what the Big Guy had faced in his youth.

"The guards were all ponies," she gasped, "That bodes ill. Fortunately no specific ponies were in evidence. But such a place. He promised it would be burned to the ground. But such a place can never be forgotten. Not by those who touched it. Oh Equestria, for you to have fallen so low to even be considered in the same breath. You have become a Hell indeed."

None of her guard remarked on her maunderings. She walked slowly through the darkness, and realized that there were even greater darknesses that would have ground up her and her sister and not even noticed the difference.

And he fought them, Luna thought, With hundreds of thousands of his fellows, but he still fought them. Her mind staggered under the load of implications, and that he had been casting ponies as the actors in the remembrances of those darkest of vignettes that plagued his thinking. No longer safely locked away. The closet is sprung and they lay upon the ground, tripping up any unfortunate enough the find them. And even disordered and scattered across his mental landscape, his instinct is to cast ponies as the worst of the worst. Not the soldiers, those remained human. But the prison guards, the commanders and commandoes, those are all ponies. Those who would face him openly are humans. The knife in the dark, the one hiding behind civilians, the ones enforcing the 'Final Solution' were all ponies. This is a fell day indeed, and Nightmare bears only some of the blame. But Discord was correct, she will receive her dose of reality without buffer. Those who acted as she desired already distance themselves from their actions. It is time perhaps to reeducate them, on what that glamor could and could not do. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for what lay ahead.

Day 35

Luna had collected her daughter as the sun rose, having assured herself that neither Selene Dreamer nor Dinky were in any danger from where they had chosen to sleep. The Big Guy was still under magical sedation and would not be waking for several hours.

Luna found Celestia and Pinkie Pie in the library. Both looked exhausted but happy. The stains on their teacups indicated they had spent the entire night drinking tea.

"And what were you discussing?" Luna asked as she carried her resting daughter on her back. "All night, while exhausting Twilight Sparkle's tea supply."

"Division and application of resources. Of actual versus apparent needs, vis a vis those resources," Pinkie said, surprising both Diarchs, and setting Pinkie giggling.

"Ideas and theories," Celestia said and frowned, "If you are here, and Cadence is here, and I am here, who's running the country?"

Nightmare shivered at what she had seen, and been subjected too. Night brought its own terrors. In her dreams within a dream, she regained her full powers of shapechanging, magic and her vast physical prowess. But there were still terrors. Terrors she was unable to manipulate with her lies. Terrors she was unable to frighten with her shapeshifting. Terrors who could be battering into bloody rags or dust, but always returned.

Tonight was no exception. The figures were human children. Emaciated to near skeletons. Their sunken eyes, broken-toothed smiles and spindly limbs and fingers only accented their unponiness. Scabbed over wounds and a stench of vague decay completed the image. Nightmare shied away from them. She had killed hundreds once, and the next 'night' there had been just as many.

"Where once was light, now darkness falls. Where once was love, love is no more," they sang in mockery of her own goals and ends, "Don't say goodbye. Don't say I didn't try."

They crowded around her. They never touched her, but they endlessly reached at her. She could not ignore them. And flight by wing or shapeshifting never worked. They pursued.

"These tears we cry are falling rain. For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame," the thin reedy voices clawed at her self-control, "And we will weep to be so alone. We are lost. We can never go home."

"So you are sent from him, and have seen the truth," she sneered.

"So in the end I'll be what I will be. No loyal friend was ever there for me. Now we say goodbye, we say you didn't try," she replied in song.

"I have your measure now, and will hunt you down and destroy you," she told them.

"These tears you cry have come too late. Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame. And you will weep when you face the end alone. You are lost. You can never go home."

Nightmare sneered at that. Then felt the darkness closing in around her. Blotting out the figures, muffling their voices and their stench.

"You are lost. You can never go home."

Luna sat on the throne and stared at the pony trying to make the case. "But stained glass windows would make every home more beautiful. And mandating them to be in every home would stimulate the economy."

Luna stared at him, and gave a sigh of one taxed beyond all endurance or caring.

"I think you've traded sufficiently on her Majesty's patience," one of the functionaries said.

"I demand an answer!" the pony shouted up at the throne.

Luna glared, and drew a foreleg across her throat.

The pony blanched and let the guards and functionaries lead her away. "She didn't mean," the pony gulped, "I haven't done anything to deserve that."

The guards stared at her.

"It means your time is up, and good day," the functionary said, "If she wanted the headspony, she would have said."

Two ponies approached. "This cat is a champion mouser. And he's mine, that he also hunts in my neighbor's barn is irrelevant. He's mine."

"He comes to me when he wants food or when he's sick, I've taken responsibility, rather than just ownership," the other pony replied heatedly.

Luna gestured to a guard carrying a poleax, instead of the regular spear. She made a chopping motion to the guard. Both ponies blanched. They looked at each other and began retreating.

"We understand your Highness. We should seek to settle this between ourselves, rather than burden the Lunar Diarch with it," one pony said, retreating with head bowed.

"This is all your fault," the other whispered, as she bowed her head to the Lunar Diarch.

"It wasn't my idea to come here," the first hissed back. "I wanted to go to the mayor."

The pair were galloping away once they were out the door.

Sir Eagle Bell approached with a sheaf of papers on the revenue disbursement of joint royal-business cooperatives and recommended go forward plans. Luna rolled her eyes, but pulled out the writing desk and began going through the papers. She stopped at the first one. Clearly written in Eagle Bell's impeccable handwriting was 'Does Luna know you're subbing for her? Does Celestia?'

Luna extracted a quill and carefully wrote, 'No, but with the records kept, they can fix anything I do.' She signed it 'Woona' and nonchalantly handed back the paper, while she continued pouring through the disbursement schemes.

The sun saw the return of Canterlot delegation to the Capitol. And while no one specifically commented on the sloppiness of the sunrise, they all felt that Celestia or Luna needed a bit of rest and distance after that thoroughly lackluster performance.

Pinkie retired to her room, with a plan in mind. But it needs time. Oh no, I'll have to be patient! Her hair 'deflated' and she threw her self on her bed to hide her wails of torment.

Twilight left Sugarcube Corners after being roused by Pinkie. She'd missed the Princesses' departure. Why do I feel like I failed her, and she wants me to know it? she wondered, and considered her own paranoia about her relationship with the Celestia. I should just tell her than I love her. I'm not disgracing my mother, but being grateful to the mare who raised me from fillyhood. Who schooled me in things my mother would never have access to. Who opened my eyes to all the world, then tossed me among all these crazies so I'd learn about things outside of books and how what I had learned from books could be applied.

Her kitchen was immaculate, especially suspicious was the very empty tea cupboard. The note clinched it. Twilight wasn't sure if she should laugh or be horrified by the contents of the note. 'IO - Twilight, lotsa tea. Celestia, Princess, Solar Diarch of Equestria, Protector of the Crystal Empire,' the additional titles filled up the entire page with Celestia's exquisite but tiny horn writing, and the back of the page, ending in 'etc.'

I've never even seen half these titles, even in the most formal settings. 'Chief Hoofball Cooker for the Diamond Dog's Empire'? she looked at the empty tea cupboard, Coffee will be needed to face this day.

Spike wandered down as Twilight brewed. "There has to be a faster way to brew strong coffee," Twilight murmured, "An express way."

"No," Spike said, "The Princess forbid you to experiment with coffee, after the incident."

"No pony got eaten by that plant. It was perfectly harmless, once we realized it needed moonlight not sunlight to grow properly," Twilight replied testily. "I know I can get it right, this time."

"I believe that's why she forbade you to try," Spike replied. "Who cleaned up in here?"

"Pinkie Pie and her Highness were having a tea party in here and, they - must - have - cleaned - up." Twilight's mind rattled to a stop as the idea of Pinkie doing a meticulous cleaning job, ran headlong into the other, the only, possible alternative. "Celestia cleaned my kitchen. She actually did manual labor because I was asleep elsewhere," she gasped.

"I'll get the fire extinguisher," Spike said as he ran from the room.

Dash stared at the little snow globe, turning it over and watching the flakes cascade around Cloudsdale and down on Canterlot. Then she turned it over and watched the display again. She was aware of Tank watching from a distance, and she could guess his expression was of worry. After perhaps the hundred and thirty-eighth repeat, she set the globe aside and rolled over on her bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"I was just the diversion," she said quietly, "Fluttershy was the hero. Rarity was the hero, even Bonbon was the hero. I was just the diversion."

Tank hovered over her and smiled down at her. She picked him out of the air and set him on her chest.

"I'm okay. Just feeling a little used. I mean, my friends were making fun of me. Then when there was a really important rescue, they had me off leading the mob after Mare Do Well. They didn't even trust me to do that alone. They had Rarity and Derpy as another diversion," she told Tank as she idly rubbed his head.

While Tank appreciated the attention, he seemed troubled by Rainbow's unRainbowlike behavior. His stare somehow penetrated the mental fog she was in.

"Look, I can understand they didn't like me grandstanding. Trixie's grandstanding really ticked all of us off. But this was different." Rainbow glanced at Tank's upraised eyebrow. "It was!" she replied. She huffed in exasperation. "Anyway. Now the action where I could actually do something is over. The headshrinkers have to figure out what to do next. And they have no more idea than," Rainbow said. Her silence, leaving the thought unfinished alarmed Tank, who nudged her hoof to get a reaction. He slowly opened his jaws to bite her, when she seemed to wake up.

"That's it!" Dash shouted, "A pet. That's what he needs. Now there were cats in that book of costumes Rarity had. So there are probably dogs, and birds, and turtles."

"Tortoises," Pinkie shouted.

Rainbow looked around, seeing no sign of Pinkie Pie, she continued, "Anyway, that's what'll make him feel better, a pet."

Tank was smiling at her. Then she realized the problem with her plan. "How are we gonna tell him what we're doing?" she lamented, "I mean the only one who knows Equestrian and Monster-talk is Discord. And," Rainbow trailed off and started grinning.

Tank retreated into his shell.

Les Panzer based on Les Poissons: Alan Menken & Howard Ashman
Eleanor Rigby: Lennon, John Winston / McCartney, Paul James
River Lady: Roger Whitaker
Long Ways To Go Yet (feat. "Gollum's Song"): Howard Shore

22) Where the Nadir is Apogee

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Where the Nadir is Apogee

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 35

Johnny Cake and Johnny Appleseed arrived at Sweet Apple Acres as they had since they'd completed Trixie's wagon. There was work to be done here, work they were familiar with, and while they were more distant relatives than they had been, they were still Apples.

Applebloom was off to school and called to them as she left. Big Mac was in the barn, but neither of them saw Applejack anywhere.

"Johnny," Johnny Cake told her husband, "You go help Mac, I think a daughter needs a mother-daughter talk."

Appleseed grinned and trotted off to help Big Mac. Johnny Cake continued into the house. She called out before actually entering. Granny Smith called back. The old mare shook her head and gestured upstairs.

Grandmother is too far away, Johnny Cake thought as she trotted up the stairs, Someone needs her momma.

She found Applejack exactly where she expected, and in pretty much the state she'd expected. Standing in front of the mirror, very nicely prettied up, staring at the image.

Johnny Cake stepped over so Applejack could see her in the reflection. Surprised, Applejack scrubbed off the lipstick with a foreleg and tried to put her loose mane back in her usual ponytail.

"Oh to be young and foolish," she said and stepped up to catch her ersatz daughter's frantically fumbling hooves before the hurt herself or snatched herself bald.

Applejack stared at her in shame and shock. Johnny Cake just gathered her in and held the confused mare until her sobs began, and finally subsided.

Crying had ruined the very nice job of mascara and other cosmetics most would have been shocked that Applejack knew, had, and could successfully use. Johnny remembered her own Applejack had run away to the Oranges in Manehatten. Her sister-in-law had immediately taught the filly all the 'high-class' behaviors. She'd treated it as what it was, a filly off on a lark discovering who she was. Use of make-up and the Manehatten manners and accents had been one of those skill sets.

As Applejack subsided to mere sniffles, Johnny pulled out the tablet and thanked Celestia that the written languages were so similar. 'Stallion trouble?'

Applejack nodded, glanced at the mirror and saw the mess she'd made of her 'prettying up' efforts. 'Yeah, he just ran away.'

'Sweetie, he runs away from Celestia. Boy's taste just doesn't run to pretty ponies. No matter what he's wearing.' Johnny showed the message to Applejack. 'If you were a human, you would have clobbered the poor sucker.'

Applejack chuckled at that. 'Thanks.' Applejack wrote. She briefly considered, then added, 'I guess the other thing was, he needed a friend, and I couldn't do that either. I couldn't get what I wanted, and couldn't give him what he needed. Some reliablest of ponies.'

Johnny Cake tousled Applejack's mane. 'Even Celly was reduced to futility. There weren't many who could overcome.'

'Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie.' Applejack wrote. 'Three of the Elements. Twilight and I were affected. Rainbow never laid eyes on him.'

'Which proves nothing. You didn't help, but you didn't hurt him, and you two were first out of his family. That counts for a lot.'

Applejack said something that sounded thankful. She stood up and headed for the door. Johnny followed.

She looked at her ersatz daughter and considered. "Gonna have to have a talk with that boy," she said to herself.

Outside, Big Mac and Johnny were hauling rails to make repairs to the fences. Johnny trotted up to her husband.

"All fixed?" he asked.

"Just a bit of 'why doesn't the boy like me' tangled up with 'why couldn't I do something?'" she said as Big Mac and Applejack discussed something.

"First one's easy. After a while, a pretty mare doesn't turn the head the way it would on a colt. He's mentioned grandchildren. Figure he's closer to Granny Smith's age. If she suddenly found herself your age, she's still got all of her memories of dad and my brothers and sisters. All the memories of a wife, of two generations, and all the kids, they sort of crowd out a pretty face. Especially if that pretty face seems a filly, rather than a mare," Johnnie said, "He's an old, hard stallion, despite that he acts my age. As for not helping, I should have done more than just keep our Princess from doing something stupid. I would be immune, not just resistant."

Johnny Cake nodded, then heard the hail from the younger pair. "Back to work, old folks," she interpreted.

He laughed and followed her.

Woona had accepted, with good grace, the paddling by both princesses. The best 'revenge' is knowing I did their job without the ability to speak or understand one word of the demands placed on me, she thought as she composed herself to walk back into the Big Guy's home and get some ice for the royal fundament.

The place seemed deserted when she arrived. Silly, the Apples are at work, Celly is probably standing guard/worrying/crying, the rest have jobs and lives, she chided herself and went to the cold box to get some ice.

"How did it all go so wrong?" she wondered aloud, "Well, that's stupid, Nightmare is the answer. How did such a moron convince me of anything? Simple, the ponies setting me off were just as dumb as the idiots who attacked him." She found several cold packs in the freezer and gingerly applied them where they'd do the most good. She walked into the family room and lay down on the ottoman.

"Now what do we do?" she thought aloud as she looked at the area outside the French doors, "The locals are going to be no help with the post-traumatic stress, despite their willingness to." She turned away from the scene to look around the house. "And what are we supposed to, do?" she asked as her eyes fell on several well-worn books on an upper shelf of the bookcase, and she worked out the words from the translation matrix they'd puzzled out with Princess Celestia. 'Surviving Post Traumatic Stress Disorder', 'Help for Caregivers: PTSD', 'How the Mind and Body Remember', 'Shell Shock and Battle Fatigue: Investigation into the Psychological Basis' and several others on psychology.

"Of course, it's not like it's just going to jump out at me from a clear, blue sky. I mean this has to be the first time he's faced anything remotely traumatic in his entire combat-filled life," she said as she levitated the books over to her. "Let's just hope I can do an adequate translation job." She added a pencil and pad of paper to her floating collection and began reading and taking notes. "And I was calling Nightmare an idiot, sheesh, horse calling the mule hooved."

Should have expected this, Dash thought as she nosed into the Big Guy's hospital room. Celly was there, expected, but so was Fluttershy, which she hadn't been expecting. Both were talking in soft voices to the figure in the bed. Okay, that's not really Princess Celestia, but it is so, she doesn't speak our language. I have to be clever.

"Fluttershy, have you thought about helping the Big Guy get a pet after he wakes up. You know, like you helped with me and Tank?"

I hope Discord is listening, and will translate, Rainbow thought.

"Oh, do you think he'd want one?" Fluttershy asked, radiating Pinkie Pie levels of enthusiasm. "The book he lent Rarity had cats and dogs and birds in it. He knows what ponies are, so there's probably birds and fish and tortoises and -"

"Tort, never mind," Pinkie said.

"How does she do that?" Rainbow asked, searching for any remaining sign of Pinkie.

'She can do anything, as long as it's funny.' Celly hooved over a paper for Rainbow to read. 'The Big Guy has several cinemas about that. If Discord ever ran into Bugs Bunny, I shudder to think about it. '

"Yeah, considering Angel, a rabbit called Bugs would be a problem," Rainbow said, then wrote it down for Celly.

"So would he want a dog, or a cat, or a bird, or a hamster, or a butterfly, or a fish?" Fluttershy asked, doing a fair 'Pinkie Pie' herself.

"I don't know. We could look at some of the pictures around his house, or ask one of the ponies who live there," Rainbow said, and watched as Fluttershy wrote down her question as a checklist, a lot faster than Twilight could have created one.

Fluttershy hooved it over to Celly, and excitedly waited a response. The alicorn would glance from the paper to the happily waiting pegasus, with an expression most ponies would have towards a beehive they'd accidently knocked over. 'Do I walk away slowly, or run like Nightmare Moon is after me?'

"Fluttershy," Rainbow said carefully, "You're scaring her."

"Really?" Fluttershy asked as she turned the 'too much enthusiasm for one pony' gaze on Rainbow Dash.

Celly took the break and made some notes, then floated the paper to Fluttershy.

"Kuvasz, that must be a human word, but it's next to dog, so maybe it's a breed," Fluttershy said, "I've never heard of that breed of dog."

"Maybe somebody can help us figure it out," Rainbow said, and grinned nervously as Fluttershy and Celly stared at her.

"It's perfect!" Discord shouted happily, "I mean other than Wainbro Crash thinking of it."

"I can think of several major problems right off the bat," Tom replied.

"Bat away, Bat Man," Discord said.

"Nightmare self-identifies as female. So you really mean to make her the Big Guy's -?"

"Exactly!" Discord said happily.

"Okay, I should have seen that coming, two, she's a shapechanger, and while not strong enough to face us in our native form. Without the Alicorn Amulet backing us, we have no chance forcing her to stay in one form."

Discord snapped his fingers, and caught one of the cherry pies raining from the sky. "Child's play."

"A child would have included the ice cream," Tom countered and put up an umbrella.

"Nightmare, she's still a coward, and if she knows that Celestia and Luna are gunning for her, she's not going to advertise. Besides, I have a wonderful idea. The Kuvasz is a guard dog, designed to look like a sheep. So as not to disturb the sheep, and to not tip off the wolves. Even I wouldn't be so cruel as to fail to give Nightmare an ace in the hole."

"Okay, three, a large powerful dog, surrounded by sleeping ponies?" Tom asked.

"Her master will be the one who rescued her from Bergen-Belsen," Discord replied, "Next."

"Last," Tom said, "How are you going to keep Celestia and Luna from coming after her anyway?"

"We make sure they understand that she's the Big Guy's -"

"Thank you," Tom said.

Discord pouted. "You really want to keep that 'Everyone' rating, don't you."

"Some people already think we lost it. But most of them are old enough to get the jokes," Tom replied, "We still have to find him, or a big enough piece of him to interact with."

"That's easy." Discord whipped out a stick. "I have this."

Silence reigned.

"Aren't you going to ask what it is?" Discord asked.

"No," Tom replied remarkably flatly for someone who was a sphere.

"Come on, ask," Discord said.

"No."

"Aren't you the least bit curious?" Discord said in a wheedling tone.

"No."

"Come on, ask," Discord said.

"Fade to black," Tom replied.

"That's not fair!" Discord shouted. "HEY! That's not what the stick is for!" he yelped.

Glory opened the letter which the pegasus in royal gear had dropped off. It was addressed to her, from the 'Office of the Chief Cabinet Secretary' undersigned by 'with consultation by the Seneschal of her Solar and Lunar Highnesses' her uncle's most formal titles.

She opened the letter as if it might explode.
'Dear Glory,

While I am concerned by your lack of progress, you forget that you've only been at this a few days. Generating a clientele takes weeks if not months. I was preparing to consult with members of the other governments on your behalf, when a matter of even graver concern and greater interest came upon us. One you are well aware of, but not the wider ramification, and perhaps not the opportunities presented.

The other governments are appalled by this failing of pony decency. While their pleas are falling on deaf, royal ears, and they are having trouble coordinating their alternatives, they are pressing a case that the Big Guy should be put under international supervision. Despite the obvious fact that he already is and it did not influence events as they'd hoped.

Consultation with experts from other governments revealed their biases and advice on the subject. More on that later. To the immediate problem. While it is in some ways reassuring that such a potent destructive force has behaved so scrupulously in no small part due to his own morals and inclinations, but also from his severe worries about what the Diarchs will do to him should he misstep. This may have been quite useful in the past, and may prove so again in the future. To deny the basic rights of self-defense is to invite a disaster exactly as occurred. And will invite similar problems in the short and long term. I doubt the Diarchs meant to expand their protection of the ponies this far. Although they may have, but hoped the ponies would not 'use a shield as a sword'. As this has transparently turned out to be not the case, there remains a tempestuous effort to mitigate the damage. None of the 'pony-centric' methods: medical, social or political will work. The similar solutions put forth by dragon, griffon and diamond dog 'experts' travel the spectrum from ludicrous to bizarre. None of which are of any help to our sovereigns, who are staking the claim to the responsibility and thus basing their claim to retaining guardianship. The other nations feel, rightly or wrongly, that while the Equestrian policy was correct, when a potential enemy acts in a more civilized fashion than the 'innocent civilians' being protected from that enemy, something has gone seriously wrong and a change in superintendence.

This has also convinced the local factions to up their rhetoric about their Highnesses moving him to a more secure location. I believe it would again require Discord's active cooperation to achieve that feat.

Simply, you have now been thrust into the front lines of a diplomatic contest, both internationally and internally with no clear idea of who is on your side at any given moment. His household seems to be your only steadfast allies in this, as they are desirous of his health and welfare, with actual knowledge of his tastes, habits, and needs. As government policy may change, and communications can be tampered with, I'm sending this now. Follow the advice of his household, and your own conscience. While I may have to transmit orders I think are horribly unwise, you are an independent command. Captain Armor is not in your chain of command in this. Technically, you report to my office, but only in an advisory capacity. The Diarchs can issue orders, but their interactions have met with a near unbroken string of disasters. So look to the ends they are demanding, not the means they are offering. Take their orders as mission orders rather than tactical orders.

There are rumors that Princess Buttercup and Major Grass Lights have had an early and unauthorized end to their medical observation. Be careful, they are not likely to be willing to 'spare' ponies who have 'fallen under his influence'. I'm afraid that as it stands, your charge will be unable or unwilling to defend himself with the ruthlessness needed. Then it will fall to you to fill that gap. This is a resource we were fortunate to get, and can never replace. While sharing it with our neighbors is being a good steward, protecting that asset is standing government policy at all levels. I say again, at all levels.

Good Luck and My Love, your Uncle.'

Glory sighed. The Princesses' advice can't be trusted, communications are compromised, and a big batch of soldiers working for who knows whom are likely on their way here. As well as commando teams from the other nations. And all I asked about was getting him to eat our food, she thought, Lovely.

"Bonbon," Stardust Sprinkle said as she walked from the restaurant where she and some of the others in the group had just finished lunch. It took the mare a moment to realize just how serious Bonbon was being, and that Lyra was a short distance away, out of earshot. "Keeping secrets from your lover? I have no secrets from my friends." She gestured to the group with her.

"I take it you received the lecture from Sparkle that we all did," Bonbon said, her tone flat, her expression neutral.

"All her speculation about the Poison Joak only changing his form? That mind control wasn't really part of the powers. You were there, why do you ask?" Stardust Sprinkle said.

"I just wanted to know what you thought of it," Bonbon's near monotone was beginning to worry Stardust Sprinkle.

"I think it's like a lot of her speculations, pure twaddle that makes her feel better. I mean, she caused enough disasters with her magic and craziness, it's no wonder her Highness had to lock her away from all the other ponies while she was growing up." Stardust Sprinkle giggled, and so did some of the others.

Bonbon didn't join them. "It wasn't speculation. It was word for word what Princess Celestia told her. And if the Princess knew what Poison Joak did, I think the rest of what Twilight repeated can be taken for Gospel Truth," Bonbon said, she sounded bored now, and her expression seemed to be dragging all the ponies towards it. Her eyes didn't show anger, but she seemed like the sky before a storm. "Did you look at his Cutie Mark? No, too busy looking near it. It was a mirror, with a heart looking into it and a pony reflected in the glass. I talked with others, the few who bothered to look saw a pony rather similar to themselves. Just like every pony saw the most appealing coloring, mane and tail styling, and heard the most appealing voice," Bonbon said, "Just like what the Princess said through Twilight. He appeared as the most beautiful Alicorn anypony could imagine, and that magnificence and splendor alone brought out our innermost nature. Inspiration, like breathing on embers and driving them alight. But the embers had to be there in the first place. Imagine, all of us stripped bare of pretense and external inhibitions. Burning only with our own internal fires. Neighzsche's Supermare, a pony bound only by her internal rules. Governed by her drives alone."

Stardust Sprinkle was shivering at the implications. The quavering of the others was not helping her concentrate.

Bonbon didn't relent. "I'm not exactly proud of how I acted. But we certainly saw what you were, stripped to your core and driven to act on what was there. I'm just curious about one thing. Did you want him gone, because you were afraid he'd entice you to abandon your husband and foals if he smiled at you? You supported us so you wouldn't be tempted?" Bonbon asked, her voice and expression full of sympathy as Stardust Sprinkle felt her guts twist into knots and her head whirl like a windmill, "Don't worry. When I did talk to him, he values loyalty and friendship almost as much as we say we do. But he really believes it. As for you being so ravishing he couldn't keep his eyes off you, he's been saying 'no' to a teen-aged Celestia, who's daily flowering into an evermore gorgeous mare and still has all the stallion-craziness of a teenager. And the 'noes' just keep coming. After that little incident, I doubt he'd look at you or anypony with anything other than fear and disgust for quite a long time. I'm sure 'Celly' will want to thank you properly for that, someday. But don't worry about that either. Letting you live, everypony knowing what you are inside, should be punishment enough for any pony." Bonbon walked away.

Stardust Sprinkle heard the others drifting away as she stood and shivered. Looking into herself and seeing what she had been willing to do. And seeing her family, who she knew she would have abandoned for a better, more interesting stallion. She shook her head in mute denial of the facts, but she knew they were true. That she'd been who she truly was, not who she had been afraid of becoming, but who she knew she was deep inside. Worse, she'd been shouting orders to the others, not even risking her own skin to get close.

"No," she said softly, before she broke down and cried.

"You aren't normally one for the spa," Lyra said quietly as she walked beside Bonbon.

She destroyed Stardust, but she looks like she got the worst of it, Lyra thought as she looked over her marefriend's downcast and hopeless expression.

"It's a compromise. I really want to scrub myself off with steel wool. But you'd never let me do that, so this is an alternative," Bonbon said as she walked, plodding along one hoof in front of the other.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Lyra said, and found herself facing a furious Bonbon. She took a step back.

"Not you too. Yes, we all did something wrong. We didn't learn from our past mistakes. We didn't let him tell us what he wanted, and we didn't listen when he tried. We insisted on beating him into 'proper pony behavior', despite there not being one kind of pony behavior. Pinkie Pie and Twilight are both ponies, and there's not much similarity there. Mainly, I was blind to the flaws of my fellow conspirators, and I was insanely jealous of someone who I thought was taking you away from me, but would have welcomed me in with open arms if I'd just asked to be let in." Bonbon was crying now, despite her furious expression and defiant stance. "So don't excuse it all away. I want to make good for what I've done and grow beyond it, not make excuses for it."

"Bonbon," Lyra said as she nuzzled her marefriend, "I apologize, I didn't think."

"And there's been too much of that going on around here," Bonbon said through her sniffles. "We have to stop it, or there's only going to be more misery."

"Okay." Lyra led her towards the spa, glancing back occasionally as her friend trudged along.

"Did you find anything?" Discord asked Tom. He could sense his counterpart was not sulking, but profoundly reticent for some other reason. "Well, how about a piece big enough to talk to?"

"That I can honestly say no to," Tom replied.

"But you found something?" Discord asked as he leaned close to Tom, "Something we can't walk to?"

"Sawhorse, ropes," Tom said, "Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Twilight, Pinkie, Stardust and others, as stallions, lots of whimpering and tearing sounds. Happy?"

Discord straightened up. "I think I can imagine it," Discord said woodenly, "Thank you. Weren't you the one who wanted to keep the 'Everyone' rating?"

"Let the kids think he was losing at limbo dancing under the sawhorse and torn a hamstring," Tom said.

"Yes, those would accomplish the same things," Discord said and shuddered. "Okay, with that happy thought, shall we continue the search?"

"You could try and take control of his body, and at least simulate that there was an active mind in here," Tom said.

"So could you," Discord replied.

"I could, but that would be more your speed," Tom said, "I'd prefer a sportier model."

"If I did it long enough to get the Alicorn Amulet, we could be more help in fostering his recovery," Discord said and clapped his hands, "Okay! Where's the owner's manual?"

"He doesn't have one," Tom replied.

"Well, then I can't do it," Discord replied.

"But nobody reads the manual," Tom said.

"I have to be different," Discord said. He took a haughty pose. "It's also necessary so I don't break him any worse than he is." He bent over Tom, rubbed his hands together and grinned. "After all, I could just walk him out of the hospital, apparently back home, and take a little detour to the stairway to Celestia's quarters, except take the stairway down."

He let Tom shiver with the thought of what would happen from that meeting.

"I almost think he's in the right state of mind to survive that. No one would be crazy enough to go in there, so they probably don't have the door barricaded, or nailed shut, or covered over with a foot of steel-reinforced concrete," Discord said.

"And just think how the others will react to finding him down there," Tom said.

"Too cruel, let's think of something else," Discord said. "I hate the idea that something could ever be too chaotic!"

"Life-affirming chaos," Tom said, "Remember. That would be hard to overdose on. Friends stopping by with soup, getting a house-trained puppy to brighten your day, random acts of kindness. That kind of thing. Much harder to reach the saturation with that."

"Yes, I suppose, it's just that," Discord trailed off.

"Yes?" Tom asked.

"It's just not amusing anymore. Not that it's boring, boring I could handle. It's just not fun," Discord said as if admitting a terrible personal problem.

Day 36

"Dodge City," Trixie announced as she climbed down off the top of her wagon, and plucked the arrow out of her hat. She knocked on the side of the wagon. "It's safe to come out." She smirked at that. For all his usually hidden good points, he was still a terrible coward.

"Sorry," Blueblood in disguise said quietly, "I'm afraid my early conditioning still gets the better of me."

"Not a problem," Trixie said and grinned, "Nice to know you have weak points."

She paid off the pegasi who'd brought them here, and tipped the guards who'd been 'included' in the fee. "Thanks. Somebody needs to send an army in there and clean up."

"Got one to spare?" one of the guards asked.

"If I could teach him to fly, I think I may just have one," Trixie replied. They shared a chuckle before she walked back to Blueblood, who looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Trouble?" she asked and stared at the stallion and mare who were walking across the street into the best hotel in town. Trixie and Blueblood were in the far more modest one.

"Not for us, but I may have to make it mine," Blueblood said, and sighed, "I need a huge favor, and it might be expensive."

"I'm not killing them," she said.

"No, I need to rent a hall, and get some rather expensive cider. For probably thirty to sixty ponies," he said.

"Who are they?" Trixie asked of the pair as they entered the hotel.

"Major Grass Light and Princess Buttercup, two rather quiet but active opponents of 'the current administration'," Blueblood explained.

"For your family, or some other faction?" Trixie asked.

Blueblood snorted. "They never stayed loyal to any one faction long enough to really form bonds. More like a 'lets you and him fight', while they steadily advanced their position." He chuckled. "Until they ran into someone with a vendetta for their trickery, who proceeded to kick them to the curb and stomp on them. Back to square one. I'm almost glad they don't believe in the magic of friendship."

"Sounds like that's going to happen again," Trixie said, "Say, I happen to know of a forest that needs cleaning. You don't suppose they'd give up their political ambitions, for a little actually benefitting people?"

Blueblood smiled. "Yes, that would be a better idea than letting them flop around loose. I'm going to have to ask you to play my leimare, for a little while."

" 'Leimare'? That's the fanciest term I've ever heard for a painted pony. Just how dumb am I going have to be?" Trixie asked.

"Dumber than I'm supposed to be," Blueblood said.

"Minxie's not dumb! Momma said Minxie's sharp as a top!" Trixie said in a filly-like voice.

"That just might do it, although Princess Buttercup may require a different handling," Blueblood said.

"I don't think I'd want to handle her without a waterproof bodysuit," Trixie said, "Her, I've her of."

"Do tell," Blueblood said as he pulled the wagon to the lot outside their hotel.

Dinky tried to keep her head up, but it seemed to be magnetized to the ground. She kept winding up staring closely at the dirt. She'd walked this path to school so many times before, but today felt different. She'd checked with the hospital, there'd been no change. She couldn't sleep on his feet, and she had the irrational certainty if she could, just for one more night, he'd be better the next morning.

"Well, if it isn't the Ponyville Monster's favorite blank flank," Diamond Tiara said, and Silver Spoon giggled in support.

I don't need this, Dinky Hooves thought as she walked along. She raised her head and spotted Dinky Doo, and the other two 'Dinkies' who looked close enough to her to be siblings, despite having different fathers and mothers. Let's end this before she decides to start treating me the way she treats Applebloom.

"Isn't it sad that your momma had to pick a monster for a daddy," Diamond Tiara said and she snickered with Silver Spoon.

"No," Dinky replied in happier tones than she felt, "I think it's sweet that the 'monster' met me and Dinky Doo, then met my momma and decided to be friends with a lot of ponies."

She gave Diamond Tiara a piercing glare. "What's sad is that as soon as any mare meets you, your daddy can't convince them to be your momma for love or money."

Diamond stepped back as if slapped.

"I've got a nice daddy, who makes my breakfasts, and lunches, and helps me with my school work. And all your daddy's money can't bribe a mare to put up with you. I feel sorry for you, I really do. But it is your fault. Maybe if you weren't so mean, you'd have a momma by now," Dinky Hooves said. She felt Dinky Doo and Silver Spoon staring at her, but she was in no mood to deal with Diamond and her attitude.

Diamond teared up, broke into sobs and ran off. Dinky turned back to the school house and continued walking. The Crusaders and several others were staring wide eyed at Dinky Hooves having sent Diamond Tiara off crying.

"That was harsh," Dinky Doo said, and looked at Dinky Hooves worriedly.

"My daddy taught me that if you start a fight, be ready to finish it. He's started a couple, like with that plant in the Everfree, but he finished it. I finished this one. If none of the adults care what Diamond said and does, then we have to deal with her," Dinky said to Dinky Doo.

"Didn't say I didn't like watching it," Dinky Doo said, "I just said it was harsh."

Dinky nodded. Nobody picks on my momma or my daddy, she thought.

Spike was getting worried. Normally, Twilight would have been up and active long before now. Also, Mystery and Sveti were still in their room, either talking low enough the privacy screens prevented eavesdropping, or both were like Twilight, lying in bed wide-awake but uninterested in joining the rest of the world.

"Twilight?" Spike asked as he walked up to his friend with a thermos of tea and a few treats on a tray.

"Hi Spike," the unicorn lay on her back, the translation matrix hovering over her head, but it was more an exercise of her powers than something she was actively studying.

"Spike, what happened? What the princess said about the effects just bringing out who we really were. I just sat like a lump, thinking, even Applejack was more direct than I was."

"My heart belongs to Rarity," he said, to derail the chance of the conversation going that way. "Everypony in town was addled by him, well, all the girls were. It might have been funny, in retrospect, if Celestia had sailed in to help, or Luna, or both." He chuckled.

Twilight showed her first signs of getting out of her funk, by glaring at him.

"I said in retrospect, but with Rarity doing the gowns, Applejack the food, Pinkie organizing the party after the wedding, maybe a Sonic Rainbow right after the 'I do's, and you of course as best mare. The whole thing would have all of Canterlot talking for years."

"Spike, that's a wonderful idea," Cadence said as she and Shining Armor walked up the steps to Twilight's room.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Slap you hooves and do a little shake." Both Twilight and Cadence laughed at the exchange.

Armor and Spike just grinned.

"What are you doing here?" Twilight asked, and looked at Spike.

"Not me," he held up his hands and said, "I was looking forward to a quiet day."

"Mystery asked us to help Sveti. It turns out she's even worse off than most of the ponies," Cadence said.

"Can I help?" Twilight asked eagerly.

"Well, I wouldn't want to take you away from studying your ceiling," Cadence said as she 'deeply' considered, "Looked pretty important. Might even lead to a new religion. Oh Great Ceiling."

"Cadence!" Twilight protested.

"Okay, just this once," Cadence said. She winked at Armor, who nodded.

Grass Light hadn't expected a message, nor an invitation for his entire group, but he took it in stride.

"Aren't you expecting a trap?" Princess Buttercup asked, her voice trembling almost as much as her body.

Much as Grass Light hated the fawning coward, she was his paymaster. For now, he thought, Unless this is a better offer.

"I don't think whomever delivered this would have let it be seen being delivered unless it was on the up and up," he said, "Besides, I have a reinforced platoon of soldiers, they wouldn't be on the invitation list to an ambush, unless there's a battalion of troops in town we haven't noticed."

"Yes, well, Celestia has eyes everywhere," Buttercup whispered, as if they were even now being spied on.

"Then why would she invite us to one place? Why not pick us off in small groups while we were scattered throughout town?" he asked.

She nodded. Then headed to her closet to find something appropriate to wear.

I like the idea of changing allegiance, he thought, At least I will be rid of 'the cookie monster'.

Rarity paged languidly through the book. The elegant creatures and their elaborate costumes still drew her admiration, but she had the images of the magnificent stallion she'd seen cluttering her mind. Something prevented her from capturing anything but the most disappointing slivers of the creature's magnificence on paper. A dozen sheets of paper with half-finished diagrams, enough for an entire new season, littered the table and the floor.

They just aren't right! she thought angrily, I saw him, drank in the very sight of him. Why can't I capture that on paper?

She tried again, referencing the book, and began sketching. After a few minutes, she stopped. She sighed and set the paper beside the others. "Maybe I shouldn't be so critical," Rarity said, "Twilight did tell us that he revealed our innermost nature and desires. I guess I should treat that as a paragon to aspire too, rather than a goal I can achieve."

She spread the drawing over the table and began collecting sections and segments into another drawing. As she worked, her smile grew. Then she grinned as she made another drawing based on the Big Guy's almost militant austerity, and found her muse was flowing onto the paper in a much more satisfactory manner.

"Oh, he'll love this," she thought happily. "Oh, so will Starlit Circlet, such power on such an ungarnished frame."

I wonder if I should send him the designs? she wondered, then chuckled, then it hit her, I'm thinking of flirting with another stallion, and one so, so, so. She grabbed several sheets of paper and simply let the designs flow onto the paper. Thank you, thank you, thank you, she thought, then laughed, Oh I hope no one heard that. They won't stop running until they hit the ocean.

Spike closed the door and began tiptoeing back to the library. "No luck, Rarity is, ah, busy," he reported upon his return.

Twilight rolled her eyes and knocked on the door to the griffins' lair. "We are here to help."

Mystery stuck his head out, but held the door partially closed. "You and Armor are fine. Princess Cadence will have to stay out. I apologize, I'll explain later, but I have to insist."

"I'll check on Fluttershy and Applejack," Cadence said, "I'll be back later."

Armor frowned but nodded.

"Spike would you like to come with?" Cadence asked.

"Would I!" Spike said and jogged over. Cadence lifted him onto her back. Once outside she extended her wings and took to the air.

"What say we buzz Rainbow Dash before we head to Fluttershy's?" Cadence said and laughed.

Spike laughed.

"He's shooting at us!" Tom screamed as he took cover, "He's really shooting at us!"

"This is just training," Discord said from the pit behind the rifle targets, "Of course considering how those idiots are shooting, you would have been just as safe right at the bull's eye."

"So what do we do?" Tom asked.

"I think this is like a cinema. A replayed memory," Discord said, "We might want to wait a bit, then go watch. But I don't think we can talk to him at this point."

"So we look somewhere else?" Tom asked.

Someone called and all the firing ceased. "Let's go." Discord flew out of the pit as the troops changed the targets out. Tom followed.

There was a big man with three chevrons, yelling at everyone. And a saturnine stoic with two chevrons who'd been taking some of the mediocre shots aside and drilling them very differently. A teen-aged version of the Big Guy was in this other group.

Discord and Tom watched the Big Guy fumble through the drills initially, and they left the area.

"I already know how that story comes out," Discord said, but still tried to give '3 chevrons' a wedgie, to no avail.

The distraught griffon staring out of the pile of pillows had little resemblance to the proud spy who'd arrived so recently. "You don't understand what an Alicorn means to the griffons," Sveti said miserably.

"While you ponies preach peace, love and tolerance, we knew what the Windingos did in your home, and we knew you were the source. We also knew you'd 'awakened' Discord, but not how you'd done it. Or why," Mystery explained, "We were very forceful in saying 'no ponies here' at our borders."

Twilight stared in stunned amazement. "I've never read that anywhere!"

"Because we were very good at sending the message diplomatically, and then hunting down and eating any interlopers who passed the borders after the warning to turn back," Mystery said.

Twilight squirmed at that.

"I've read the history of that time," Armor said, "But that ended when Celestia arrived."

"It ended earlier than that," Mystery said as he laid down near Sveti. The distraught griffon crawled up next to him. "With the arrival of another Alicorn."

"Princess Luna?" Twilight asked. Her ears folded back against her head at the mirthless chuckles of two griffons. "Nightmare Moon."

"Your chronicles don't tell much about what Nightmare did before she started attacking the ponies," Mystery said, "But she went after all the other races first. Maybe Luna was trying to control what she was becoming, and trying to stay loyal to her sister's desires. But what Nightmare Moon did to the griffon nobles enabled the formation of a single griffon nation out of the tribes. Because she slaughtered 90% of the competitors to the throne, and she gave the survivors a reason to unify: they had to prevent the murder of criminal invaders/pony interlopers. So when Celestia arrived to 'negotiate', we already knew we had a knife at our throat."

"So, Celestia's bringing peace and harmony to all the races of Equestria, was because she was perceived as the velvet glove on Nightmare Moon's iron fist," Armor said. He glanced at Twilight. "There are some history books you haven't had access to. Because Celestia didn't know that when she first went to the other races. She thought she was negotiating in good faith, and with great skill."

"But she was coming in after a massacre and threats had already been exchanged," Twilight said, "No wonder the Princesses hate Nightmare so much. But Nightmare's an idiot, where'd she come up with, oh that's where she got the plan. Princess Luna."

Armor and Mystery nodded.

"And don't think we didn't celebrate when Nightmare finally turned on you ponies," Sveti said, "We figured you deserved it. Once the velvet glove put the iron fist down, we basically decided to have little to nothing to do with you ponies. The odd ambassador, a spy or technical mission, but there's no reciprocation. There's no pony embassy in griffon, dragon, zebra territories or even Saddle Arabia. We don't want you, your problems, or your attitudes in our territories, and a thousand years of diplomacy by Celestia hasn't changed that. Everyone comes to Canterlot, not because it's the center, but because we don't want ponies in our lands."

"While all that is, educational," Twilight managed, "What does that have to do with you?"

"The Alicorn is a death god: an indiscriminate slayer of the skilled and powerful. The ultimate hammer to beat down those who'd rise above the ponies. Suddenly, we have someone, who isn't dreading Celestia for 'exceeding' you ponies. Who has bested Nightmare Moon and even Discord. Keeps Celestia dancing around in fear and confusion. Exactly the person we need to overthrow 'the Solar Tyrant', at least in our minds," Sveti explained as if each word were physically painful to say, and was being dragged from her. She stared at Twilight and the mare drew back. "What nearly happened to him, I expected would happen to me, from the Alicorn male. That he would do that to me. Worse, I welcomed it, if it would save my people, he could destroy me. I was too clever, stuck above what was an acceptable level for griffons." Sveti burst out sobbing. Mystery turned to cradle her head on his shoulder.

Twilight shifted uneasily from foot to foot as she listened to the griffon's tears. She glanced at her brother who seemed ashamed that he was intruding.

"But you were as taken with him as everypony else was," Armor said, and seemed ashamed for having said it. "You'd fallen not only for the 'death god', but for him as a male. And when he didn't take advantage."

Sveti managed to nod, but kept crying.

"He wouldn't have hurt you," Fluttershy said.

The two unicorns turned to stare at the pegasus.

"When did you come in?" Armor asked.

"A bit ago. That sound like what that meanie Nightmare would do. Hurting Princess Celestia, by using Princess Luna," Fluttershy said and approached the two griffons. "He wasn't ignoring you. He just didn't want to hurt you," she said, "And now he needs you." She gently nosed the griffon. "He doesn't like hurting people who haven't hurt him. He likes protecting them."

Sveti nodded tearfully. "How can I help?" she asked.

Fluttershy looked away. "I don't know, I was hoping you did, I'm sorry."

Grass Light and Buttercup arrived at the bar and looked around. "Blueblood," he said and shook his head, "I thought you got exiled after your little stint on the throne."

"I did go overboard a little," the foppish prince admitted, "But, all the power," he exulted, "All the responsibility," he whined. "It just got to me," he whined some more. "Well, that's neither here nor there. There are sandwiches and cider for you and your troops." Blueblood gestured at the spread set out on the tables. The troops descended on it like a pack of ants at a picnic. Blueblood walked over to a table set up with its own platter of sandwiches, and a pony keg of cider.

Grass Light frowned but led Buttercup after Blueblood. Waiting at the table, and waiting on them was a piece of fluff who looked as dumb as Blueblood's usual dollies.

"You go upscale enough that this one can actually talk without a running start?" Grass Light asked and ignored the glare from Princess Buttercup.

"She can talk." Blueblood pulled a chair away from the table for Buttercup, but didn't hold it for her. Grass Light took the seat nearest the cider, to Blueblood's irritation. He grinned a challenge at the fop, who looked uncomfortable and took a seat opposite.

Buttercup and Grass Light grinned at discomfiting the arrogant, 'imperial' stallion.

"I don't know if you've been keeping up with the events surrounding the Ponyville Monster," Blueblood said, "But a recent disaster has made the other nations sit up and take notice. Mumsy has decided that it would do all of us good to quiet any internal squabbling about his disposition, until the external questions have been answered and it's announced he'll be staying in Equestria."

Grass Light smiled. So the other nations are interested, that opens a lot of doors, he thought, How does that brain manage to generate enough power to keep his legs moving? He took a healthy swig of cider and appreciated the rich flavor.

"And where does she get the horsepower to think she can bring all the factions in line?" Buttercup asked, and took a sip of the cider and a nibble of a sandwich as she floated it by. "If the other factions bend their necks to her once, some might think she had the power to make it happen again."

"I think she was attempting to appeal to your patriotism," Blueblood said, as if trying to remember the words of a script. "After all, it benefits us all, doesn't it?" He glanced to his girl, nervously. She just shrugged.

Okay, she's not his control, Grass Light thought, Just a local bimbo. And he put her out of his mind.

"After all, the factions would have to agree," Blueblood added, looking at the two with fear in his eyes.

Grass Light drained the cider and poured himself another. He grudgingly poured one for Buttercup, but ignored Blueblood's hopeful expression.

"Why should we grant your mommy an advantage? If it looks like she's the one who's going to cost Equestria, someone else can pick up the pieces," Buttercup said, "Besides, we could just collect him ourselves. If we already have him, that would give us the advantage in any negotiation."

Or let us sell him to someone else, Grass Light thought.

"Your loyalty to Equestria should outweigh your loyalty to your faction. Even if you win, you'll still need what he can give us," Blueblood lectured.

Grass Light and Princess Buttercup just grinned at his naivety. Blueblood's ears folded sideway in perplexity and defeat. The two chuckled at his distress.

"So, I can't ask you nicely to do as I ask?" Blueblood asked.

The pair chuckled at him.

"Sorry, punk," Grass Light said.

Blueblood looked imploringly at Buttercup. "Your loyalty to our people, unicorns or Equestrians?" he practically whimpered.

Buttercup shook her head, and drank the last of her cider. Among the troops they'd finished off the cider and the sandwiches. "We're done here," Buttercup told him coldly.

Blueblood sighed. "Mumsy will be so disappointed. Oh I guess that's why she had me poison the cider."

Grass Light had a glimpse of one of his officer freezing as he held the open keg over his mouth to get the last drop out.

"It's a very interesting poison!" Blueblood said with enthusiasm, "It comes in two parts. Since both are harmless on their own, they are completely undetectable, and altogether immune to neutralization by magic."

Grass Light felt his guts grow cold as he realized neither Blueblood, nor his floozy, had touched the cider. Not a drop, he thought, Did he know we'd never share it with him? No, he's an errand boy. But someone else set up a good errand.

"Oh, well you probably don't care about that," he admitted with embarrassment and shuffled his forehooves.

"I think I can stand to hear a little more," Buttercup said woodenly.

Blueblood brightened immediately. "Oh, we'll, your brain has a lot of fat in it. Mumsy says mine's mostly fat, but the poison gets in there, stays for years, waiting for the second half. The second half of the poison gets in. The two parts race through your brain. You'll live, probably." Blueblood ran a hoof over Buttercup's skull. "It concentrates where magic manipulation is strongest. Flight for pegasi, around the horn for unicorns. You'll live, but you might as well be an earth pony, and a weak one at that. You might live, but you might as well be dead." He grew serious. "The cider contained the first half."

"Why?" Buttercup asked, looking to the troops moving towards the table. To a pony, they were as uncertain as she and Grass Light were.

Blueblood stomped the table. "To guarantee your cooperation," Blueblood thundered. He sat back and grinned at them. "And sooner or later, you would do it to mumsy and me. Poor mumsy had to put up with my fascination with ancient history, I was so proud that she found something useful in all my studying. In ancient times, we could use our control of the sunlight to beat the earth ponies. But the pegasi, those militaristic brutes, needed something to terrify them and their 'honor code', since they didn't fear death." He squealed happily. "Since we're returning to the old ways, I'm so happy to help mumsy. She'll be so proud of me."

"What do you want me, us to do?" Buttercup asked.

The pretense of joy and childlike innocence vanished, the anger that remained might have been childish, but it was cold. "You have encouraged that fool," Blueblood said and nodded to Grass Light, "To fight battles that weaken our position. You will now convince him to do something useful. The road to Baltimare needs to be cleared of bandits. You have troops, you will do it. Once you reach Baltimare, you will remain there, unless you hear otherwise. And you will have nothing more to do with the Ponyville Monster." Blueblood looked at Grass Light with undisguised hatred.

That's not the hatred of a child, the unicorn realized. Grass Light only relaxed when the gaze swept the room. Hardened troopers drew back at that gaze. Then it settled again on Buttercup, who shied at it.

"If any of you do not comply with these orders," Blueblood said coldly, "One of my mother's agents will introduce all of you to the other half of the poison." He stood up out of the chair. "Good day to you all. You have work to do. Don't let me keep you."

His bit of fluff fell in with him and the pair passed through the horrified troops. Grass Light looked at the empty mug in front of him. He stared at it for quite a while.

"Remind me to never get you angry at me," Trixie said after they'd passed out of sight of the bar. Trixie returned to her normal coloration, mane and tail-style.

"I would give you the same 'do it for friendship', and 'do it for Equestria' steps, and you'd do it for one of them," Blueblood returned to his disguise's colors and accent.

"Do you know what they'll do to them in Baltimare to find that poison? Good as the Canterlot alchemists are, the ones in Baltimare make them look like puling infants," Trixie warned.

"A good thing there's no poison then. I'd hate to have them find something," Blueblood said. He smiled. "I stole it from something the Big Guy was watching, and laughing about. Him trying to explain it was almost as funny, but well worth it."

"Wait. This wasn't your mother's plan, and there is no poison. So if they quiz your mother, she'll correctly deny everything. When will you tell her, or anyone?" Trixie asked.

"Never. We take that secret to our graves, or if the Big Guy dies," Blueblood said, "Those clods won't keep the search or the instigator, my mom, secret. So she'll suddenly have lots of influence, and no idea why. She's not someone who can adjust her plans. So the whole thing will hold together long enough for Celestia to keep the Big Guy in his home, then the nobles will infight to such a degree she'll be justified in doing nothing."

"And no one will ever realize you're the one behind it all," Trixie said, "How can you stand it?"

"Imagine having to perform, but every standing ovation meant someone with a club was waiting for you in your dressing room, and every 'boo' meant a lecture when all you want is to rest. You'd learn to give a performance that leaves everyone between vaguely pleased to vaguely unhappy. This is the same. If I show skill or cleverness, then I get dragged deeper into the mess I don't believe in. If I'm useless, then they leave me alone. If these idiots relate that I pulled the stunt, I reply that I had a letter from mumsy that I destroyed after memorizing or copying down important details. Then they go look for who could copy my mom's horn writing. And I get to go off and do what I want. Sure it stinks as a life, but it's better than the alternative." He looked at her intently. "You're free, in ways I can only dream of being."

Trixie shook her head. "Well, I hope you've saved some for the performance tonight." she said.

"Of course," he replied and smiled.

Applebloom walked into the boutique with Sweetie Belle.

"Ah good, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, I'm so glad you could make it. We have a little problem, or our friend has a little problem," Rarity said.

Behind her, Fluttershy waved nervously. The pegasus gave Rarity a worried glance, but tried to keep smiling.

"You see, all the medical people are saying the Big Guy needs to feel safe, but how does someone who can march into the middle of the Everfree Forest to fight an ancient, plant monster feel unsafe? Then I decided I didn't need to understand the problem of how he feels unsafe, but how to make him feel safe." Rarity pulled the design sheet off the table and proudly displayed it.

Applebloom facehooved.

Sweetie Belle groaned. "Why didn't we think of that?" she demanded.

"Now girls, Fluttershy and I will need your help," Rarity said. "We'll need to complete these designs as soon as possible. Better they be ready and fitted before he's released from the hospital."

"You, really want my help?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Oh course, dear," Rarity said and nuzzled her little sister. "The rest of us will be so busy with our part of the project, we won't be able to keep track of the whole thing." Rarity led Sweetie Belle over to an easel. She flipped the cover up and displayed the image. "Your job will be to help us keep track of what we've accomplished."

"Okay! I'm the boss," Sweetie Belle said, then looked at Rarity's elegantly upraised eyebrow. "You're the boss, I keep track of the work."

Rarity nodded. "It's a very important job."

Sweetie Belle gave a determined look and nodded.

"Very good, now, here's where we start," Rarity said and led them into the fabric storage.

Nurse Redheart never expected to be accosted with one of the ruling Diarchs. She only realized it was 'Woona' after a few moments of the mini-Diarch shouting excitedly in a completely unintelligible language and waving around several legal pads full of old-style script, and several books that from their incomprehensible titles had to come from the Big Guy's library.

"I don't understand," she admitted.

The mini-Diarch facehooved. She held up one pad and one book. The title on the pad read 'Surviving Post Traumatic Stress Disorder', implying that the title of the book was the same.

"Oh good grief," Redheart said, she gestured. "Follow me." She trotted to the doctor who ran the counseling department. "Doctor, you aren't going to believe this," Redheart said as she entered.

"This is Ponyville, right now I'd believe anything," the harried young stallion said as he looked up from the table covered with open medical journals and textbooks all on the subject of his rather intense research.

"How about textbooks on the subject?" Redheart said, "With translations?"

The stack of books, and the stack of notes landed gently among the collection of fruitless research.

"By all that's dear, I hope this isn't a dream," the doctor said and began paging through the notes. Making notes himself on the pads of paper he'd been working on.

Woona was grinning so hard a stiff breeze might have blown the top of her head off.

Redheart grabbed a blank piece of paper. 'Stay here with the doctor, I'll send a note to the Princesses,' Redheart wrote and showed it to Woona.

'Thank you, I'm glad I could help', appeared over Woona's head in Equestrian script.

Redheart headed out to the nurses' station. Nurse Tenderheart was gossiping with Nurse Snowheart. "Sometimes I think Twilight Sparkle is right. This place is crazy."

"How so, today?" Snowheart asked, then laughed.

"The Big Guy just happens to have books on the subject," Redheart said, "No wonder Sparkle is so gah-gah to get into that library."

"Let's hope they help," Tenderheart said, "Poor guy's been through enough."

"Falling in love with your patient?" Redheart asked and grinned at Tenderheart's blush.

"Yes, I saw him dash into Rarity's. He was so, beautiful," she said wistfully, "I just wanted to watch him." Tenderheart frowned. "Then Rarity shoved him in a closet and that mob ruined everything. I can't believe they'd be so stupid." She stomped a hoof. "Why didn't they just talk to him? It's not like any of them were in season."

"It's mine, because I saw it first," Snowheart said. "Just remember what your job is. Get him healthy and get him home."

"Don't you wonder?" Tenderheart asked, "What it would be like, to have a stallion like that?"

"Yeah, I'd have to have a platoon of armed guards all the time, male guards, to keep pushy fillies away," Snowheart said, "There's a piece of advice I got when I visited a museum once, and it's stood me in good stead ever since I was a foal."

"That's that?" Redheart asked.

" 'Look but don't touch'," Snowheart replied, "They may want a smile and a hug, but they aren't your's ladies. No matter how bad their mare treats'em. They aren't yours." Snowheart walked away to check on their most notorious patient.

Redheart and Tenderheart nodded.

"I just wonder what happens if some fool tosses a mess of Poison Joak at him," Redheart said.

"They'll be fortunate a hospital is nearby," Tenderheart said.

Redheart agreed.

24) ﻿ Descending and Armed

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Descending and Armed

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 39

Discord watched the Big Guy walk through the darkness, directly behind the human in the gray uniform. The human in gray carrying a machinegun. A quick grab and a jerk, and when the Big Guy released him, the machine gunner slid to the ground. Despite the darkness, and the trees, the Big Guy moved with purpose while others fumbled around. A second soldier in gray approached. He hissed something and walked warily as the Big Guy waited behind a tree, his rifle poised. The rifle butt lashed out, then the Big Guy reversed and the bayonet finished the man.

The Big Guy shook himself and seemed to notice Discord and Tom watching. "That was how we did it," he admitted, looking at the dead soldiers with a bit of shame. "They would have wiped out my entire company. Over sixty years ago, I saved maybe 200 lives, why do I still feel guilty about it?"

"Because you are decent," Tom said, "Because it wasn't a 'fair' fight."

The Big Guy snorted at that.

"Because you went on to have a wife, raise your kids," Tom continued.

The scene shifted around them.

"I do not want to be here," the Big Guy said before the image had even stabilized.

"No choice," Discord said, "You've been stepping through it, you have to step through." Discord clawed through the barbed wire between the fence posts and advanced. "Besides, there's something here. Something you need to take care of."

The Big Guy shouldered his rifle and looked at the buildings around him with an undisguised hatred. "I'm glad we burned this place to the ground. I just wish we'd locked up the guard and the locals inside before we started. Let them have the same chances as the poor beggars they sent here."

Discord walked through the buildings. Corpsmen and others were dealing with the sick and the dying. He could feel the hatred radiating off the human. Soon, he thought then entered one of the barracks.

"Here," Discord said and indicated the figure in the corner.

The Big Guy stared at him a moment then walked into the darkened room. Discord braced himself for the explosion. Tom maneuvered to separated them if necessary.

The Big Guy gasped and retreated a few steps. Then he turned and marched towards Discord, all the anger he had about this place was directed at the Draconequus. "What the Hell's the matter with you," the Big Guy said in eerily calm tones. He still had his rifle, loaded and with the bayonet fixed, even if it was slung. He had no reason to scream.

Discord was equally controlled. "I'm immortal, so is Nightmare, not merely long-lived like the Alicorns. I don't want to see her destroyed. But that's exactly what's going to happen, unless she can be brought to heel somehow." He shrugged. "Like I was."

The Big Guy stared at him in horror.

"What, do you think I like understanding what loss is like?" Discord raged, "Knowing I could do something to save her, but realizing you'd destroy her the instant you met her?" He towered above the Big Guy and thundered, "Do you have any idea what regret is like for a being who is eternal? YOU did that to me. Now deal with the consequences, as I have to."

Discord resumed a more rational size but paced nervously. "So I sent her here. The one place in all of Equestria that is guaranteed to evoke your pity. So yes, I sent her here. I broke her spirit and showed her the depth of human callousness, perfidy, and that for every devil, there's a saint. You have your rifle, and you're more 'real' here than she is. You hate what she's done, shoot her." He gestured at the cowering figure fearfully retreating deeper into the corner.

The rifle came up, but it wasn't aimed at Nightmare.

"That's why I brought her here," Discord said, "You shoot me, the rest of me will go on. And I accept that as the price of my actions."

"Get out," the Big Guy said.

Discord departed.

Tom watched the man visibly struggle to calm himself down. Tom didn't move, didn't speak. He wanted Discord to be right, but had a sneaking suspicious Nightmare would queer the deal. I hope to all, that Nightmare keeps her big, fat mouth shut, he thought quietly.

The rhythmic tap, tap, tapping stopped the Big Guy's pacing as he looked at the corner, where Nightmare cringed. The Big Guy pointed at Tom and indicated he should move to cover her. The Big Guy moved the bunks out of the way to open the area where Nightmare hid.

"Come out," the Big Guy said, then squatted, slung his rifle and raised the pitch of his voice, "Come out, we won't hurt you."

The creature that came out of the darkness was big, the size of a full-grown stallion with coloration that marked her as Nightmare as clearly as anything could. But the skittishness, head down, tail between her legs posture was subservience and hopelessness personified. Without raising her head, she stole a glance at Tom.

"It's April 15th?" she asked as if dreading the answer.

"It's April 15th. The 21st Army Group is liberating the camp. But you don't have to stay. I doubt lice or typhus is a problem for you," the Big Guy said extending a hand.

Tom still had the HESH round loaded and ready. He tracked the Nightmare-dog as she came out of the shadows. Despite being a beautiful animal of dark cerulean with Persian blue highlights, she gave every indication of being a badly beaten stray. The faint tail wag caused her to look back at it with a bit of disgust. Cyan eyes looked worriedly into the Big Guy's, but he held his position. She eventually placed her head beside his leg. She froze when he gently scratched her behind the ears, and she cringed as he stood.

"Let's go," he said.

Nightmare, Tom thought as he followed, watching, The great power is broken, will you stay broken when you regain your powers. Or will the lessons you learned here stay with you?

Once they were out of the camp and Discord had rejoined them, the Big Guy sat on the hood of a jeep and looked at the trio. "There's something you all need to understand, about me, and about humans in general. I apologize for the history lesson, but it's the quickest way."

The scenes changed to a painting of a city in flames.

"October 8, 1871 the city of Chicago was consumed by a wind driven fire that burned even buildings of stone to ashes." He pointed to a small building that looked like a castle's tower. "The water tower, the main pumping station, the only building in the path of the fire to survive did so because it was stone, and it was essentially being water-cooled as it pumped water to the many teams fighting the fire."

The scene changed to a black and white photograph taken from the air of a city on fire.

"May 14, 1940, the Nazis using aerial bombardment, duplicated this event in the city of Rotterdam. In the United States, the Army Chief of Staff directed the use of the most powerful computers of the time to discover how this could be done on purpose." A montage of cities aflame and the utter devastation that followed played as he explained. "As a result, nearly a dozen enemy cities were reduced to ashes and millions of workers killed or made homeless. During the time of that campaign, the Army oversaw the development of a bomb that allowed one plane to create a similar effect of incinerating an entire city."

The picture was of a mushroom-shaped cloud, followed by another series of photos of the utter devastation.

"After the unconditional surrender of the enemy, the Army Chief of Staff oversaw a plan to rebuild the enemy, to raise them up from where the war had brought them." Scenes now were of bustling cities, happy humans going about their work and play. "One man, George C. Marshall, oversaw arguably the most ruthless and destructive campaign in the history of humanity's long and bloody history, and the most generous peace in the history of Christian charity. That he kept both of these plans active in his mind, at the same time, and championed both with equal vigor indicates what one human can do."

Neither Discord nor Nightmare looked pleased with the revelation. In the distance, the images of the devastation still stood, as if underscoring the rebuilding that images nearer showed. The contrast was striking and neither Nightmare nor Discord seemed able to take it all in. Eyes moved from image to image, trying and failing to compare their own power against what they saw so clearly displayed.

The Big Guy wasn't finished, "What can several billion of them do? Any word in the language can be applied to the appropriate individual at nearly any time. Saint or sinner, monster, martyr or messiah. Some can apply equally to the same person at the same time," the Big Guy warned, "Discord, you stepped over the line. I can appreciate your motives, but there has to have been a better way to have accomplished your goal."

"There wasn't," Discord said, he wouldn't look directly at the Big Guy, "While these are horrible." Images of cities buried under ice, their populace frozen in place in some instances appeared. "That's what the ponies do, that's what I had to compare with. Your people slew cities with fire, the ponies slew a continent with ice. Your people did this to break the enemy's will to fight, however hollow that was, it was attempting to end the war more quickly. The ponies refused to even acknowledge their part in the destruction. It wasn't destructiveness I was highlighting, it was that your people are calculating. They do without thinking, but they also do with motive and planning."

"Not the wisest thing to point out while making me extremely angry," the Big Guy said.

"True," Discord admitted, then examined his paws, "But for all the force of the blow, it will be to correct my thinking. To make me avoid that mistake in the future."

"While Nightmare might not appreciate the political subtleties. The Marshall Plan had the effect of giving the Germans and Japanese exactly what they ostensibly started the wars for in the first place," Tom said, "A seat at the international table as equals, and even first among equals."

"Is that what you're hoping for?" the Big Guy asked. "Twilight redeemed Luna, are you hoping for a place for redeeming Nightmare."

"No," Discord said, "For redeeming myself."

The Big Guy stared at the embarrassed Draconequus for a while.

Rarity had been having the most amazing dream, about a princely stallion who was madly in love with her. Then he turned into Pinkie Pie. "Ahhhh!" she screamed as she clawed her way back to consciousness.

"Quit fooling around, Rarity," Pinkie told her, "He'll be awake soon. We need to be ready."

Rarity pulled the sleep mask from her eyes and blinked several times before she looked around. She saw no evidence of Pinkie. I closed the doors last night, she thought, I know I did. A particularly unpleasant ending to a pleasant dream. She put her sleep mask back over her eyes and settled back in.

"Rarity!" Pinkie pulled the mask off. "No time for fooling around."

"How do you know he's waking up?" Rarity asked, then watched Pinkie go through her 'doozy' dance. "That's a doozy."

"I can't think of anything doozier," Pinkie admitted.

Rarity sighed and climbed out of bed. Again, Pinkie was gone. "It was my plan after all. It's my own fault that the others supported it so enthusiastically." She looked around again, to avoid possibly stepping on Opal. "Coffee," she decided and headed downstairs.

Not surprisingly, Celly, Woona, Johnnie Cake and Johnny Appleseed soon arrived. Although in an odd reverse, they were more help to Rarity than vice versa.

Lyra arrived. "Bonbon headed over to the hospital to help Dinky and Pinky, Derpy went to get Fluttershy."

"Sveti?" Rarity asked.

Lyra shrugged, "I think she may be taking things too far," Lyra said.

Rarity verified that what she'd made for Sveti was gone, including the package of silk roses she hadn't had during the fitting. "At least she's properly kitted out," Rarity admitted as the group headed for the hospital. The stares from the local Ponyvillians didn't bother Rarity one bit.

The racks of tube-based electronics slowly heated up, the box marked 'consciousness' hadn't been switched on yet. The large room filled with the racks with only narrow corridors between them was already stifling.

"Look," the Big Guy said to Discord, "I understand I'm not the latest, shiniest model, but this is insulting." He gestured at the huge mass of outmoded electronics.

"Well, it actually is more a representation of the battering you've taken," Discord explained, "You 'pop' into consciousness, then couldn't hold it."

"I thought those dreams where Trixie showed up were just that, dreams," the Big Guy replied.

"Nope, you were conscious for a while," Discord said, "I wonder why she didn't tell the doctors."

The Big Guy considered while Discord and Tom checked over the condition of the system.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" Discord asked Tom.

"Tell me what?" the Big Guy asked.

"That what happened was partly your fault," Tom said, "While your fear of Celestia is justified, if you'd beaten bloody the first one through the door, none of the rest would have happened. Ponies are usually cowards. If the first one through paid too high a price, the rest would have backed off. You keep playing 'nice' it encourages them to play less 'nice' with you. Now if you'd dug up that Diamond Dog's skull and put it on a post in your backyard, that also would have had the necessary effect."

"Walking through the Everfree blasting Nistag's trap monsters doesn't count?" the Big Guy asked.

"Not unless you dragged one of the corpses into town and dismantled it there. Ponies are like the Romans, they don't care about what the 3rd Legion is doing in Germania, they care about the pebble in their shoe," Tom said, "If you don't make it immediate to them, they aren't going to acknowledge it happened."

"Terrific," the Big Guy answered, "I can risk getting fried, or should I just burn the place to the ground and leave?"

"With you apparently in it," Tom said, "Unless you act, that's your best option. Otherwise, you're going to offend someone. Is what these people think of you really that important, or is the good you can do more important?"

The Big Guy glanced at Nightmare, who looked up worriedly, and wagged her tail. She noticed the action and stared back at it.

"Let's just say that's a mighty fine line you're asking me to walk," the Big Guy said, "And I'm not too sure it's a good idea to try. There's historical precedent that ignoring the details for the big picture has very bad effects."

"Just pointing out that there are options you could have taken," Tom said, "And that you did your cost-benefit analysis at the time to lead you to the position you find yourself in. It didn't just happen to you, you played a part in it as well."

"I'm well-aware of the part I played," the Big Guy reminded them.

"Not, just all," Tom said, "Just some. Evidently your Cutie mark, and power was to appear as their most enticing stallion, and your friend added the part where what they really were got dredged up and put on display."

"Speaking of that," the Big Guy said and looked at Nightmare.

The tail stopped wagging, she cringed and backing into the corner.

"Your coloration is evocative, as is your name. But some distance is needed," the Big Guy said, not looking at or closing in on Nightmare.

"How so?" Nightmare asked.

"The coloring, evokes Nightmare, and I don't think you'd like another run in with the Elements of Harmony. So, a bit of a disguise. Change it from cerulean to a lighter purple, with a maroon tail and a white collar."

Nightmare seemed ready to protest, then cowered again. "So, they won't hurt me?"

"While you desperately enjoyed your encounter with the Element," Tom said, "To more magical and spiritual beings, it is vastly less pleasant. Discord was able to detach our friend over there because he was being fragmented at the time."

"Yes, and you should start answering to Hotaru. It means Butterfly, but it sounds enough like 'Nightmare Moon' that if someone calls you that, you can explain it away," the Big Guy said, then turned to Discord, "I assume she can speak Equestrian, and English?"

"Oh course, just like me," Discord said, "But she can't write it."

"Why would I need to learn to write?" Hotaru, nee Nightmare, asked.

"Just lovely," the Big Guy said, and looked over the changes to Hotaru. "How do we get her out there?"

"Swift enough kick," Discord offered.

The Big Guy looked down into the pleading eyes of Hotaru.

"Okay Discord, stand still I want to do this right," the Big Guy answered without looking away from Hotaru.

"Okay, put her on the platform under the consciousness box, that's how we're sending you off too," Discord answered as he shied away from the Big Guy.

The Big Guy stooped and carefully lifted the large dog, carrying her cautiously to the metal shelf under the 'consciousness' box. He made sure he didn't hit her on any of the racks metal sections and made sure her tail didn't get trapped. "Now what?" he asked as he stepped away.

"That," Discord said and the dog was gone. "Now we wait for the rest of this to warm up. And time doesn't go at normal speed here. It's either faster or slower, and sometimes changes, never pausing at 'it's the same'."

"Terrific," the Big Guy said, and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Nurse Redheart noted the purple dog suddenly appearing in the corner of the room. The beast was as large as a full-grown stallion, but seemed remarkably tame at the same time. She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you're Nightmare Moon reformed and changed to his bodyguard."

She missed the dog's jaw drop as she saw to her patient. Cleaning him up and checking on his vitals. "And ponies wonder why we're scared of him. I'm getting to the point nothing about him would surprise me," she stopped and considered before resuming, "Given that, I'd better brush up on the artificial insemination techniques." She let the stunned animal alone in the room after alerting the orderlies. She noted that they received a rather fearsome growl when they approached the dog or the Big Guy. The smarter one simply pulled up a chair in the opposite corner, sat down and waited.

Dinky watched him move, acting more like he did when awakening from a sleep than he had the last few times she'd seen him. He was lying so still before, she thought as she pronked happily, she smiled as she saw she wasn't alone in being excited and intent on his movements. Everyone was, even the nurse and the big dog they said was his. That's going to take some explaining, she thought as she waited with less and less patience and more and more excitement.

Woona in her purple and maroon, and Celly in her green and pink stood together near the back. Rarity in her party dress of black and garnet, Lyra in blue and yellow and Bonbon in matching blue and green stood together behind him. Pinkie in pink dress and 'carrot ears' hat and Fluttershy with her party dress and pearls stood at the foot of the bed. Facing him, Jonathan in blue on blue and Johnnie in red with orange, stood beside Dinky and Derpy, with Sveti in the jet black suit and tall, cylindrical hat on the other side.

I like what Rarity did with the ideas from the party dresses, Dinky thought, Momma's blue with red makes her look like a real hero, like Mare-Do-Well. And my purple and red, well I look like her sidekick, but that's okay. She gasped as he opened his eyes and then rubbed them one handed. He looked at the bound arm with the IVs in it and glared at it.

They all held their breath, waiting for him to focus on them. The raised eyebrow and confused half-smile was the signal. Everypony raised a left foreleg and pointed it at the Big Guy.

"Attacking our friend is gauche," Rarity said. Others used their own term. Dinky used 'mean.' "But we shall protect you."

The Big Guy snorted, and started to laugh at the display. The ponies smiled. But Dinky watched, Shining Armor's warning rang in her head, Miss Rarity wanted to put something big in there. Something happy and silly. We'll have to deal with the slosh.

She hated seeing it, but she and her mama were ready. The Big Guy's laughter and smile seemed to crack, as if the machinery making it had failed. The smile froze and the tears formed. He seemed to sense this would disturb the ponies if they saw it, so he covered his face. But he couldn't stop, and curled into a ball and began to sob and laugh at the same time.

Her mama pulled the side rail of the bed down and wrapped her hooves and wings around him while he cried. "It's all right, it's all right," she soothed, "We're here. We're here."

Dinky saw that Pinkie was more distraught than the others. She nudged her and pushed her outside the hospital room as Celly and Woona moved up to add their wings and words.

"But, what happened?" Pinkie asked, near tears herself at the odd reaction. Even her hair was trembling.

"Captain Armor told me that he's got so much emotion inside him, from when they hurt him, it filled him up with it, and Miss Rarity specifically tried to put something new in there, some of the bad stuff sloshed out. He isn't sad because we made him sad. He's sad because that's what splashed out."

Pinkie nodded, not completely convinced, but thinking deeply.

"Let's go back inside," Dinky said, "I think we all need to see him."

"If we can for the covering of ponies," Pinkie said in better spirits.

He was still crying. Mama, Celly and Woona were still hugging him. The others were nuzzling his free hand or the arm still bound to the bed to support the tubes running to needles in his arm. Only Bonbon and Sveti weren't, they were staring at the very large, pretty dog cowering in the corner. The dog looked from one impassive face to the other and tentatively wagged her tail.

"She looks like Woona's monster mare," Dinky pointed out as she looked at the dog, "She almost looks big enough for the Big Guy to ride."

I swear the dog looked shocked when I suggested it, Dinky thought.

Then the nurse came in. "I'm afraid I'll need you all to clear out so we can get him ready to go home," the nurse said, "And somebody needs to take that dog out of here."

"I will," Dinky said, "She seems like what he needs." Dinky turned to the big dog. "Come on, you can come with us and check out the Big Guy's house." Dinky spotted the collar and applied a little telekinesis. "Come on, we won't hurt you. He'll like having a dog around the house."

The massive creature stood and allowed Dinky to guide her out of the room. Outside the door she stopped and steadfastly refused to move any farther. Even a push from Bonbon was ignored, the dog seemed rooted to a spot where she could watch the nurse tending to the Big Guy.

The entire collection waited in the hallway for the nurse to make the Big Guy ready to travel.

Dinky saw how agitated the dog was. "It's okay, they won't hurt him," she told the huge dog, and petted her with her hoof. "You'll see. Nurse Redheart has known him since he came here. When I got hurt, that's who he took me to see." Dinky cocked her head a bit. "She did scream a bit when he left, but then everybody at the hospital except me and Dinky Doo did." Dinky thought it was strange the way the dog seemed to listen to her.

It was a very long, few minutes, but the Big Guy came out in a wheelchair. The dog leapt forward and immediately took up position on the right. The Big Guy laid his hand on her head and they proceeded out of the hospital. He spoke quietly to the dog, who for all her size and power, seemed a very timid animal, until she perceived a threat to him.

"I think that lady would eat a hydra who looked at him wrong," Rarity said as she examined the dog, who seemed very nervous at the attention, until the Big Guy began scratching behind her ears. The dog relaxed in a nearly comical manner.

"Uh, how are we going to get him home?" Derpy asked, "Carry him on our backs?"

"Magic carpet," Lyra said as Celly undid the bow from her costume and unfolded it. It wasn't much bigger than a large throw rug, but it was large enough he could easily sit on it. Celly grinned as he floated alongside her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Twilight shouted to the group as she charged towards them.

Dinky noted the Big Guy tapped Celly and gestured for her to continue. As politely as she could, Dinky and her momma placed themselves between Twilight and the Big Guy. The dog dropped back to add to the length of their line.

"Momma, I think that dog is as smart as Winona, or smarter," Dinky said.

Her momma nodded.

"Why Twilight," Rarity said, "I didn't think I should pry you away from your studies." She chuckled. "After all, with that translation page, you have that entire art book to translate."

"I finished that last night," Twilight said, and tried to get around Rarity, only to have the other mare step nonchalantly in her way.

"Now Twilight, then you should be getting some rest, dear. After all, a lady must make a good impression."

"Rarity," Twilight chuckled and tried to sidestep Rarity again, only to find Lyra extending the block, and the two Apples extending it the other way. "There's no time for this."

"Uh, Twilight," Fluttershy said and smiled, "I think you should make time."

Rarity nearly heard the Stare charging in Fluttershy's tone. Twilight's folded back ears told her that the scholar had heard it too.

"The books aren't going anywhere," Fluttershy said, "After all, there's all those medical books on his current condition that you could read first."

"Okay," Twilight said as she backed away from the group and sidestepped towards the hospital entrance. The line adjusted to stay between Twilight and the Big Guy.

Woona stepped up in front of Fluttershy and Rarity and gave a formal, if adorable bow. Fluttershy blushed at the compliment.

"Very well, handled," Rarity said, "I think that should give him a bit of time to stabilize, before dealing with 'determined to know' Twilight."

Rarity suddenly stared at Pinkie Pie. "Are you all right?"

"Hmm," Pinkie asked as she looked up. On anypony else, the expression would have been pensive. It was utterly alien on Pinkie. "I realized that I could solve a lot of the problems. But it might cause some complications. So I was thinking about socks."

"Socks?" Rarity asked, "Whatever for?"

"Well, Luna asked for a bit and bridle. I was thinking who might need socks," Pinkie said, then shrugged, "I also have some - other things to work on. Now that he's back." Pinkie wandered off, walking and seemingly deep in thought.

"Socks?" Bonbon said.

"That's what she said," Rarity offered. She sighed. "I think we all have things we need to do. We can let Celly and Derpy get him settled. The door locks, so they can limit the people bothering him."

The group dispersed. The Apples heading back to the house to change to work clothes presumably. Lyra and Bonbon to their home to do the same. Parity looked around for Sveti, then realized the griffon might be taking her costumed role a little too seriously. Rarity walked back to her boutique to open for business. Socks? Rarity considered, What in Celestia's name is Pinkie thinking of? I have some very nice ones in stock, and could order more, but what is she thinking of? Joining his herd? They didn't seem to get on very well.

It took Rarity most of the way back to her boutique to realize that Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie had been following her the entire time. "Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry," Rarity apologized, "If I had realized you were there, I wouldn't have drifted off into my own world."

"It's okay, I was kind of drifting myself," Fluttershy admitted, then blushed, "What did you think of him? When he was an alicorn, I mean?"

"He was." Rarity took a deep breath. "Very striking." She saw both Pinkie and Fluttershy nodding. "You cuddled with him," Rarity pointed out, "How was that?" She gave a saucy wink.

Fluttershy concentrated on rubbing her forehooves together for a while before speaking, "It was, nice. I told him he could . . . " the rest was lost in unintelligible squeaks and Fluttershy blushing.

"A true gentleman wouldn't take such advantage of a lady," Rarity told her, "And I nearly told him the same. It was quite embarrassing to lose oneself so completely and utterly."

"So, if he became an alicorn again, would you, uh, I mean," Fluttershy stammered, then glanced back and flipped her tail up, and immediate brought it down. She looked fearfully at Rarity. Pinkie Pie was likewise deep in thought.

"I would be tempted," Rarity admitted.

"No Poison Joak," Pinkie said sternly, "We aren't going through that again."

"NO," Fluttershy nearly shouted. "It just that, he has the it," she said and gestured to her biceps. "So he could change into one, for real, if he wanted."

The Alicorn Amulet, Rarity realized, Yes, he could.

"I think he's not interested in mares," Pinkie said, shocking both Rarity and Fluttershy out of their considerations. "I mean, he's got Celly, Lyra and Derpy are both nice, Luna is gorgeous, and phah, nothing. If what Celestia said was true, he's only interested in mares as friends, and you'd have to be a human female to get that kind of attention."

"While they are interesting," Rarity admitted, "I wouldn't want to be one." She noted both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were deep in thought. "You aren't considering, that? Please tell me you aren't."

"Just thinking," Fluttershy said, "I wouldn't want to give up my wings. But a nice stallion, that would be nice."

Oh Fluttershy, if you only knew, Rarity thought.

"I ruined any chance I had when I threw that party in his house," Pinkie said, "But I was thinking how Derpy could get the foals she wants. Other than what he suggested, how they breed horses I mean."

Rarity nodded.

They floated him in the door, but rather than heading for the bedroom, he caught the corner of the hallway and pointed to the recliners that looked at the cinema machine's screen, and also looked out the French doors to the cavern that contained the house. Once he was settled, he seemed to relax. The ponies filed away, but the dog remained behind. Woona left her sister working on some of the scientific books in the office and returned to the living room.

For a while she watched him idly scratching behind the dog's ears, until he drifted off.

She caught the dog's attention and signaled her to follow her outside. Sveti, still in her dark suit and tall hat stepped out of the shadows to remain as a close guard. Once the French doors were closed, Woona confronted her. "I recognize Nightmare when I see her. So you are this planet's Nightmare?"

The dog looked at her fearfully, wagged her tail nervously, and whined once, then face pawed.

"You really are a dog aren't you," Woona said, trying to keep from laughing.

"And what are you?" the dog asked, "Ah, he named me Hotaru by the way. I don't understand why being named for an alien butterfly is so funny, but they both think it's hilarious."

"You speak both Equestrian and English?" Woona asked.

"When I bother to speak at all, yes," Hotaru answered.

"Then I want to know something, something even my contact with Nightmare couldn't answer. What was the point?" Woona asked.

Hotaru stared at her. Her disdain for the conversation obvious.

"What would you have done, after you achieved everlasting night?" Woona asked, "When Nightmare Moon and Sombra finally wrenched control of the sun and the moon from Celestia and the Elements, they turned on each other, setting the planet on fire to drive off the Windingos and basically ending all life on the planet. What was the point? Sombra wanted rulership, that I could understand. Nightmare Moon wanted eternal night, but everything would have died."

"That is the point," Hotaru said.

"So, walking around on a dead, frozen-over planet, with the moon shining overhead was the point?" Woona asked.

Hotaru nodded, then stopped.

Woona could practically hear the long-unused, mental gears creaking and groaning as they turned. "Wouldn't letting the Windingos win in the Classical period have pretty much the same effect. So, you would have hated them, feeding them and letting them survive while everything else died, and ruled over a giant ice cube. Moving to the lost pony lands would seem to have the same effect. A few dozen feet down in the ice would be total darkness. Or would you want something to boss around?" She could almost see the agony of Hotaru nee Nightmare's mental processes.

"Why should I care about what happens to lesser beings? Let them all die!" Hotaru insisted.

"I was asking about what would happen to you," Woona replied, "What would you do, after you'd accomplished your goal? What was your plan for after you established eternal night?"

"To rule, of course," Hotaru replied.

"With everything dead, except possibly the Windingos and the Seekers, rule over whom?" Woona asked.

I'm not doing this to torture her, I'm not doing this to torture her, Woona thought, then enjoyed the absolutely horrified expression on the dog's face as Hotaru tried to reason through the simple question. The heck I'm not, I'm not doing this just to torture her.

"Back so soon?" Discord asked worriedly.

"Asleep," the Big Guy explained, "I just needed to check on something and tell you both something I need you to think about."

"Certainly," Tom offered.

"You, and everyone else, mistakenly thinks I was off doing nothing in the period I was out of contact. I was . . . do you know of the legend of the dreaming god. That reality is merely the dreams of something greater, and when it wakes, all of this will disappear?" the Big Guy asked, then dove to the next point, "Only it isn't the dreams of one, but the dreams of thousands, millions, overlapping, conflicting, and ever-changing because of this. The ultimate chaos because there are ten thousand different 'orders' vying for supremacy and each one cannot concentrate on the totality of their belief at any one time. Yet, if one were to overwhelm the others, the world would become a single crystal, as perfect and consistent as the mind who created it, which may not be much of either at all."

"I - see," Discord said, glancing nervously at Tom.

"Also as the minds directing it drift away, to other worlds, other lands that hold their attention, how does that affect us here?" the Big Guy said as he stared at his hand, opening it, closing it, turning it over and repeating the process, "I just wanted to know what legends, stories, myths and hidden history of Equestria you two knew about on that subject. Say that's the reason why the Elements worked for two, then one, then had to be six. Or how the unicorns learned they had to control the sun and the moon, who taught them they even had control over them. Didn't they operate on their own originally? It's just something I need to clear up."

"I'm certain we can brainstorm a bit on that," Tom said when Discord continued staring into the middle distance.

"Thanks," the Big Guy departed.

"What are you doing?" Tom asked in irritation.

"Wondering if I can lock the door to the sanctum and turn on all the lights," Discord answered.

"I'll help," Tom replied.

For the first couple minutes, it had been fun. Then it became pathetic. "Hotaru," Woona said to the Nightmare turned dog, "That's why Discord changed you. You don't know what you'd do after that, do you?"

"Of course I do," Hotaru shot back. "It's just that I never achieve my goal, so I never had to refine my plans."

"And those half-worked out plans were?" Woona asked, again reducing her former nemesis to indecisiveness. "Discord broke and remade you so you wouldn't destroy yourself," Woona told her, "Because the thing you can't face is with no one else to turn on, you'd turn on yourself."

"That's not true," Hotaru insisted.

"I was in Nightmare Moon's head for a millennium, and never found anything except hatred for everything and everyone, including herself. Face it, Discord saved your life, and all he demanded was you swallow your pride and depend on another to direct you at targets."

Hotaru tried to stand to tower over the little pony, but Woona took on the master's posture, and Hotaru couldn't sustain the challenge.

"He also is using you to put a leash on the Big Guy. Think, whatever so terrified you in the Big Guy's mind, he could easily release on Equestria. But he has to look after your safety, so he won't."

"What do you mean 'look after my safety'?" Hotaru replied in imperious tones, "I am to guard . . . him."

"And you think he won't take responsibility for you?" Woona asked, and laughed, "That's the leash, and it goes both ways. He keeps Celestia and Luna from blasting you, and you deal with more mundane threats. Welcome to symbiosis." Woona nearly laughed at Hotaru's horrified expression.

"Come on, you look like you could use some tea," Woona said and led the appalled dog alongside her back into the house.

He was awake, and looked at her suspiciously. Sveti stood back a ways and just watched.

"Just checking on Discord's work," Woona told him, "He was very thorough. We're done."

His suspicious expression didn't relax a bit as Woona got some tea and filled a soup mug for Hotaru.

The dog tentatively lapped at the tea with milk and sugar.

Woona heard his chuckle, then he stood, stretched and headed for the bedroom. Woona tried desperately not to laugh as there was a skittering of claws paws on the wood floor as Hotaru raced after him and fell in formation with him. Sveti covered her beak with both hands to stifle her laughter.

Once they were safely out of earshot, Woona walked behind the stove and cabinets, before she fell over laughing.

Glory smiled as she and Holly Hock entered the home. They looked at the bookshelves that seemed to draw everypony's eyes the first time they entered. "I thought he couldn't fly," Holly Hock said.

"There's a ladder," Glory said, as they headed in. "There's another on the other side of the wall."

"Is there a cookbook in there?" Holly Hock asked as she stared at it with wide eyes.

"No," Lyra said, "The cookbooks are over there." She pointed to the shelves at the end of the dining room. Bonbon sat at the dining room table with one of the books open and taking notes.

"How's she dealing with all the recipes for, ulp, meat?" Glory asked.

Lyra rolled her eyes. "I don't think she's aware there's any recipes in there except for candy. And she calls Twilight obsessive."

Glory and Holly chuckled at that. As they walked in towards the bedroom, they saw Celly, Dinky and Derpy cooking something in the kitchen.

The bedroom was also an example of large scale. The ceiling high enough a pegasus could flutter around without hitting the walls or ceiling. The Big Guy was seemingly asleep in the bed. The large dog stood and stared at them as they entered. A word from the Big Guy calmed the animal. Glory stayed where she was as Holly Hock set down the meal they had brought, a simple tomato soup. They withdrew, feeling his eyes track them as they left the room.

"Okay, now we see how he likes the recipe," Glory said.

"It's a simple mix, there should be no problem," Holly Hock replied.

Neither heard the bedroom door open. The first clue they had he was there, was when the bowl of soup flew over their heads and shattered against the wall. As they cringed, the door quietly closed. Glory and Holly Hock stood there unmoving for a little while. They unwound enough to glance from the door, to the spreading stain on the wall and floor.

Lyra walked into the corridor. She looked at them, then at the stain on the wall and the carpet. "At least he didn't throw it at you," she said.

Glory looked back at the door. "I don't think that we have a decent recipe."

"Let's let you actually taste some of his food," Lyra said, "Come on."

The ponies in the home looked at them with a mixture of worry and irritation. Jonathan and Johnnie glared at them as they walked into the hall with a bucket of hot soapy water and several scrub brushes.

The smell in the kitchen was rather bland, mushrooms and some seasonings. Celly stirred it placidly. Dinky stared at them as if they were idiots.

"Try this," the little unicorn said, levitating a spoon to Holly Hock.

The chef tasted the soup. Her face screwed up as she moved the soup around in her mouth.

"Trouble?" Glory asked.

Holly Hock swallowed. "It's bland, but not tasteless. It's like . . . ," Holly Hock said as she searched for the words.

"It came out of a can," Dinky told them, and hooved over the empty red and white can with the gold medallion at the interface of the two halves.

"That's kind of pretty," Glory said.

Holly Hock turned the can around in her hooves. "I wonder if this has a list of ingredients?" she said.

Bonbon had entered the kitchen and peered at the can. "That's the list of ingredients." She pointed. "I recognize the word, that's 'water'. It's in a lot of the recipes I've been researching. It makes sense for a can of mushroom gel that makes soup."

Holly hock blew out a breath. "So, what do we do now?"

"Figure out how he actually seasons his food. It might have been too spicy," Glory said, "You said this stuff is bland, but all these ponies like it."

"It's not bland, it's just gentle," Dinky said defensively. "I like it."

"I think what she's saying is the flavors are delicate, but they're also complex. So they aren't the same as bland," Bonbon said. "I looked at a simple candy recipe. It has five seasonings in it. That's for home cooking for a few pounds of candy. A commercial product might have two or three times that many."

"Something to think about," Holly Hock said and looked at the can, "Can I take this with me?"

"Sure," Derpy said, "You'll probably have to fight Twilight about it. She ambushed me when I was delivering mail. She found out he's been throwing stuff away that had writing on it. She wants all of it."

"I'll deal with Twilight," Glory said, "Thanks."

The pair walked towards the front door. Woona and the Apples had removed the stains and were not happy about it. The pair left through the front door.

Lyra watched them leave and shook her head. "Do you think they'll listen this time?" she called back to the others after she'd closed the door.

"I think getting their work thrown in their face probably got their attention," Bonbon said, hard at work again.

"Don't steal everything all at once," Derpy teased.

Bonbon frowned at that. "I want to learn his recipes, so I don't make the same mistake they did," Bonbon said, "Hack from Canterlot probably thinks carrots and cabbage are best pickled with lye. Luteslaw!" Bonbon shuddered. "I swear they tell you it's high-class, then serve it to rubes to see how fast they puke."

Lyra had scarcely turned around when there was a knock on the door. Lyra opened it. "Trixie?" she asked as she let the pony in, "I thought you were in Dodge Junction."

"I've been checking up on him," the show pony said, and looked around worriedly, "How is he?"

"He just threw some food at the local restauranteurs," Bonbon said, looked over at Derpy as the mailmare slid a postcard onto the page of the cookbook. It showed a picture of Trixie, and gave her itinerary for the next weeks. Bonbon glanced at Derpy, and nodded back to where Celly was cooking.

Derpy nodded and collected the postcard.

"So, how's the tour going?" Bonbon asked as she dropped to the floor and approached. Woona was sitting nonchalantly at the entrance to the hallway. As nonchalantly as a dragon watching someone approaching his hoard. Trixie noted the sudden change in atmosphere.

Celly and Derpy walked in from the living room, all smiles, but Trixie picked up on their cues as well. She looked from pony to pony. "What's going on?"

"We had a slight problem," Bonbon said.

"I heard," Trixie said and seemed to relax, "That's why I showed up in his room, after visiting hours."

"Huh?" Derpy asked, "How'd you do that? Dodge Junction's a good distance even by train."

Trixie tensed up again. She looked at the nervous to suspicious faces. She suddenly looked at her hooves and blushed. "I, I, I wanted," she stammered, then whispered, "I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone." She stood up suddenly and confronted Bonbon. "All right, I love him, is that what you want to drag out of me? I fell for the alien." Tears formed. "He was nice to me, when he had no reason to be. He figured out what my dreams were, and he helped me get them." She looked defiantly at Bonbon. "Why shouldn't I want to be with him when nopony was there for him in the dark of the night?"

"Easy," Derpy said, "Sorry, things have been, tense lately."

"Not so fast," Lyra said, "Your confession still leaves how did you get here? It's too far to take the train, and a sky chariot would have been seen."

Trixie backed into the corner, her hooves raising and lowering in nervous, little mincing movements. She sighed and explained, "I love him. And this place is very strongly attached to him. I love my wagon, and he's strongly attached to it, and it to me." She raised her head. "That makes it a lot easier to go from one to the other. I couldn't teleport across the room like Sparkle. But between those two foci, I can just manage it."

Everyone looked at Lyra, who was considering. "That's usually limited to, oh, we are sorry," Lyra exclaimed.

"Limited to what?" Derpy asked before Bonbon could demand the same.

"Husband and wife," Lyra said. She bowed her head. "Sorry Trixie. Like she said, things have been kind of tense around here."

"I remember the 'Monster Go Home' signs," Trixie said, "I just never thought it would go this far, or I wouldn't have left."

"If you'd been here, you would have been part of the problem," Bonbon grumped. "Sorry. We failed, evidently your little appearances did him a world of good. It might be good to go see him again."

"Wait!" Dinky called from the kitchen. "Let's not all barge in a half-dozen times. Wait a bit, and the soup will be ready to take in. That way we disturb him just once."

"Okay," Trixie said and grinned, "You heard the boss."

"I'd like to know why you haven't kept us up to date on your triumphs," Derpy said as she led Trixie to the dining room table.

"I've been too busy working," Trixie said, "A regular show, and matinees. It's exhausting. I originally had a day or two between towns that I could have used to write letters, but the play dates have been extended to let more ponies goggle at the Great and Powerful Trixie! The cost of success."

The ponies giggled at that. After a few more moments, Dinky had assembled the tray to take in to the Big Guy.

"Ready?" Dinky asked.

"Let's go," Trixie said and gestured for Dinky to go first. She watched the filly hold up the tray with her horn magic. "You've been practicing."

"Uhh," Dinky said as the tray floated ahead of her. "He's got a dog now," Dinky said, "But you'll like her. Her name's Hotaru. It means 'Butterfly'. Why they couldn't just call her Butterfly, I don't know."

"Ponies do weird things," Trixie said as they walked down the hallway.

"Discord and the Big Guy named her," Dinky said.

"They're worse," Trixie said. The closing of the bedroom door cut off the rest of the conversation.

Celly put the postcard in front of Bonbon and stared at it.

Bonbon smirked and pointed at Woona. "She's Princess Luna, she took Trixie's form because that's the one pony who'd be universally safe," Bonbon explained, while Lyra wrote it down, "So she raises the moon, comes here for a couple of hours, as Trixie, and cuddles with him. Then back to Canterlot. There's a door to her quarters, it's easy."

Lyra hooved over the paper. Celly and Woona read and nodded.

"I'm not going to spoil the illusion," Bonbon said, "And nobody else should either. We'll brief Sveti when she comes back."

"Agreed," Derpy said, "He needs safe ponies. Dinky, Woona and Trixie are the only ones he knows."

"He's not in the bed," Dinky said with alarm.

"Keep the tray steady," Trixie said. "This way." Trixie pushed open the door to the bathroom, and was suddenly facing a dog the size of a stallion. Hotaru seemed to be wondering if she could eat Trixie, or just maul her a little.

"It's okay Hotaru," Dinky told her, "Trixie's a friend. Hold out your hoof, and let her smell it."

"I'll want it back afterwards," Trixie said, her voice trembling as she jerkily raised her hoof over her head.

Hotaru sniffed it, then sniffed the bowl, before backing up to clear the doorway. She whined a little and looked at the door leading to the walk-in closet.

"Why would he be in there?" Dinky whispered.

"Most secure place in the house," Trixie said as they walked forward. A small witch light formed. Not enough to damage Hotaru's night sight, but enough for them to see the door knob.

Inside, he was curled up on the floor facing the wall, several blankets partial unfolded covered him. Dinky looked worriedly at Trixie and Hotaru, who seemed as stunned as she was. Dinky set the food on the bathroom counter and carefully unfolded and rearranged the blankets from his haphazard job to cover him better. She curled up around his feet, and waved for Trixie to snuggle up next to him.

Trixie waited until Hotaru curled up outside the closet before she closed the door.

I won't cry, I won't cry, Dinky thought silently as he shivered, then slowly seemed to relax at their presence.

Day 40

Dinky felt awful. He'd woken enough to eat something, long after it had gone cold. Then he'd immediately gone back to sleep. The others had collected on the bed, but Dinky had stayed with him when Trixie left. Just she and Hotaru had been there when the nightmares started. Nothing I said or did kept them away, she thought unhappily, But I was there for him. That's what Captain Armor said was important. She sighed and considered all of what happened. I guess I shouldn't expect him to just be back to normal. When Discord attacked Ponyville, it was a while before everyone got back to normal, she thought and stifled a chuckle, Twilight went crazy after everything was normal for a while.

"Well, if it -" Diamond froze in midsentence as Dinky glared at her, then slowly smiled. The 'queen bee' squealed and raced off towards the school with Silver Spoon in tow.

Dinky smiled happily at that. I don't need her attitude today, or ever, she thought as she walked.

The Crusaders were there, still searching for their Cutie Marks.

"How is he?" Sweetie Belle asked, "And how are you?"

"I wish I could get my teeth on the problem, and drag it out where everypony could deal with it," Dinky admitted, "I hate the idea that he's helpless."

"Have you talked to the counselors at the clinic?" Applebloom said.

"They're busy translating the medical books he had," Dinky said, "I think if he gets better, I'll feel better."

"Y'all can't help him if you get run down," Applebloom said, she glanced to see that Diamond was well out of range, "Johnnie and Applejack have been talking a lot. I think Applejack feels jist awful about what happened."

"Everypony feels awful about it," Dinky said quietly, then looked at Diamond, "Everypony with a heart. But I really want it fixed, rather than people feeling bad about it. He cried over soup, what sense does that make?"

"Maybe he was happy you kept with him," Scootaloo offered.

"I know what!" Applebloom said happily.

"No," Dinky said automatically.

"You haven't heard what I was going to say," Applebloom countered.

"Two words: tree sap," Dinky replied, "I don't need him stuck to the ceiling as well as all his other problems. We're trying to make him feel safe. That's not a word your crusading makes me think of."

"Just trying to help," Sweetie Belle said.

"Thank you, but we have to help to help," Dinky said, "We know the problem. But the obvious solutions won't work. There aren't ponies who could directly help him. Woona and Celly are getting trained, but that's days away."

"What about magic?" Applebloom said.

"You mean like what Celestia did when Twilight really started going crazy?" Dinky said, "She's the best magician we have, and if Twilight went crazy and Celestia couldn't really fix her, I don't think you can magic somebody's brain healthy. I mean, weekly means once a week. She had until Friday, and she still went crazy."

The Crusaders nodded, then the bell rang and they raced inside the school house.

Hotaru wasn't sure if she should be glad, or offended at being put on a leash and walked. She was glad to do things this body required, but the idea of being tethered to a pony bothered her. Worse, unlike the fool holding the leash, I actually understand the drivel these ponies are spouting, Hotaru thought as Jonathan led her on the shopping trip with his wife.

Johnnie, despite not speaking the language, seemed to have no problem getting the best of most of the Ponyville merchants.

If I hear another pony call me a 'puppy' I shall certainly scream, Hotaru thought quietly as she fumed. She also noted the small group of ponies who were following at a short distance. I should approve of their intolerance and hatred, she considered, then thought again, I should make it clear it should be directed elsewhere. She stopped and jerked on the leash, forcing Jonathan to turn and confront the group he'd been patently ignoring. Neither group was pleased by having the veil swept aside.

Hotaru sat down, every inch the happy dog, even to the tongue lolling out of her mouth. She began visualizing the ponies advancing, and simply to defend her charges, crushing their throats as they sought to harm the Apples.

Discord is right, she was thunderstruck, It is more satisfying using their own stupidity and selfishness against them! Her grin widened and kept broadening of its own accord. How could I have I have denied myself this for so long? No, it's right here! And as the Big Guy's pet, they will come to me without me having to do anything! It's so . . . what are they running away for?

The ponies had abruptly started screaming, dropped the axe handles and other lumber they'd been concealing and fled. The other ponies, save the Apples, seemed to be more than a little shell shocked themselves.

Damn, overplayed it, Hotaru thought, But, their fear is delicious. She picked up one of the larger chucks of wood, and with nearly every eye in the market on her, sat, tail wagging, and slowly bit clean through it. The only sound to be heard was the two sections of the heavy pole falling to the ground. Then she spit out the remaining piece. She began walking, tugging on the leash to indicate the Apples should continue their shopping.

The looks of half-hidden fear at the oh-so friendly, happy dog raised her spirits. Yes, this is fun, Hotaru thought, Not what reducing the world to darkness would have been, but more enjoyable than disembodied fuming. Hmm, and the sun doesn't hurt at all. Maybe there is something to this.

Applejack watched her kinfolk continue with their shopping and dog walking. She went out to retrieve the fence post that was nearly as big around as her foreleg. "Bit splintery, but a saw wouldn't do much better," she said barely aloud. "I think if Discord had a hand in getting the Big Guy that dog, he was not fooling around."

"Yup," Big Mac said as he looked over Applejack's shoulder at the timber, and ran a hoof over the cloven face.

"He just nibbled a little bit," Dinky said as she returned the mostly uneaten meal to the kitchen. She smiled at the hug she had gotten, brief as it had been. "Maybe we make a smaller portion and if he eats all that, take more."

"Maybe," Derpy said and looked at the equally shell-shocked pair of mini-Diarchs. "They had a hard day too."

The two alicorns had eaten some of their food, but all in all they had been just staring straight ahead.

"I guess translating those books is hard work," Dinky said.

Derpy nodded. "I guess it is." She began clearing the dishes. Celly put her hooves on the edge of her plate, and started making a more determined effort to eat what was before her. Woona did the same.

"Can I take Hotaru out for a walk?" Dinky asked happily.

"Yes, but take a few bags to clean up after her," Derpy called from the kitchen as she put the dishes in the machine.

Dinky smiled at that. I never understood why people called momma clumsy. She was always so careful at home, or when she was delivering mail, the little unicorn thought, That means here is 'home' too.

As soon as she had the leash off the peg it hung by, Hotaru was there with her tail wagging. For some reason, this was always followed by a look of utter shock and chagrin, and Hotaru looking at her tail as if it had betrayed her. Then the dog seemed to get over it and return to the expectant look.

Dinky let the dog go through the cycle she'd seen a half-dozen times, and clipped the leash on her. Then she opened the door. In the hall way, Trixie had a hoof raised to knock.

"He didn't eat much," Dinky said, "Maybe he'll get hungry again later. Momma, Trixie's here."

"It's not food he's hungry for. When you get back, you can snuggle on his feet," Trixie said and nuzzled Dinky, before heading down the hall.

Dinky led Hotaru down the corridor and out to Ponyville. The dog seemed to want to pull her along, and it took a surprising effort to keep the dog under control. The dog would dash forward, then take a huge amount of time sniffing at one spot, then dash off to the next. Or try to as Dinky slowed her down to a fast walk the filly could barely keep up with. Soon they were standing under a tree. This time rather than sniffing, Hotaru was looking up, and Dinky swore, laughing.

"Uh, hi Dinky," Applebloom said, "Can you help us?"

Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had managed to get themselves, several bolts of cloth, quite a lot of rope, and a picture frame, all tangled together in the tree, and most predictably, covered in tree sap.

And they wonder why I don't want to join, Dinky thought as she facehooved.

"I can get Rarity or Applejack," Dinky offered.

"NO!" came the unified response.

"I mean, it was supposed to be a surprise," Applebloom offered, and grinned nervously.

A happy bark from Hotaru gave Dinky a thought. She released the dog from the leash, and watched her jump to the lowest branch, then climb up until she was near a knot of ropes and cloth that didn't look any different than any other.

"Hold on!" Dinky shouted. Then Hotaru's bite sheared through the entire mess, leaving the Crusaders hanging from their perches with a minimum of debris still stuck to them.

"Thanks Dinky," Sweetie Belle called as she began climbing down. "Thanks doggy."

"Hotaru," Dinky called.

The dog looked particularly proud of herself, until she tried to bark and the result was a closed-mouthed 'merffle'. Hotaru seemed stunned by the event, then she tried to open her mouth and found she couldn't. Dinky closed her eyes and knew this was going to be another late night.

"When rescuing the Crusaders," Celly said to the dog with her head over the bathtub as Celly alternately brushed and rinsed Hotaru's teeth, "Always watch out for the tree sap or other adhesive stuff."

Hotaru growled, but let the alicorn continue cleaning.

"I swear, if they ever decided to start 'prospecting for maple syrup', Ponyville would be glued up as tightly as your jaws," Celly said as she continued brushing the dog's teeth.

The grumble from Hotaru was all the answer Celly needed as she continued to clean the hardened, sticky matter out of the dog's mouth.

Day 41

Princess Buttercup glared at Grass Lights as their captors closed the door to the cell. "Military genius, huh?" she asked.

"Oh shut up," the stallion answered. Most of the rest of the force was in the holding pen, or another one a short distance away. "So, is your family going to pay your ransom?"

"I can only hope," the unicorn mare stared at the camp and concentrated as hard as she could. Her magic would not come.

Dead zone, she thought, I've heard of these. Places a pegasus can't fly, and a unicorn has no powers. Perfect hiding place for a band of Earth pony thugs. The high palisade was too high to jump, and the forest canopy hid the camp from above. The gates were not strong. But they'd need a battering ram or siege engine to pierce, she thought, Good luck sneaking one of those into the forest without them seeing. It does explain why no team has ever cleared out the forest. There are too many of these brigands, and if there are dead zones, they could hide from all comers. She looked around the camp. More than the 20 we thought there were. Closer to a hundred, and that's with all the patrols out. All told, there could be 200.

She looked back at Grass Lights who was checking on one of the wounded. He's not the only 'military genius' in here, she thought unhappily, That mental hospital doesn't look too bad right now. Will my family pay? Maybe, for just me. And only if they can bargain the amount down, no matter how low it starts. Not that a 'princess' is going to start low.

"But, it hurts when I do this," Igor said as he raised his foreleg over his head, wincing as he did it.

"I have a cure," The Great and Powerful Trixie said, and gestured. The smoke enveloped Igor and faded away. There was a bronze statue, the sign held in his foreleg read 'Cure Worst than Disease.' The Great and Powerful Trixie gestured again, and Igor was restored.

"At least you didn't turn me to stone," Igor said.

"I already take you for granite," Trixie replied, The small audience of fillies and colts in their hospital beds laughed.

"Okay!" Igor said, "Time for card trick."

"Not again," the Great and Powerful Trixie complained, "The last time you did a card trick, you turned into a chicken."

"Dis is a new deck," Igor promised, "Vhy you take zo long change me back?"

"Do you know how hard it was to get good eggs on the road?" Trixie asked. "Okay, just one card trick."

"Hokay!" Igor fanned the deck and held it out.

Trixie reached out and braced for an explosion. She picked one card, and pulled it back like she was pulling the detonator to a bomb. Once it was clear, she held the card to her chest and sighed.

Igor was shuffling the cards.

Trixie looked at the card in her hoof. Her hat flew off her head, rotated 360 and revolved 180, to landed back on her head backwards.

Igor held the deck, pulled three cards, seemingly at random, and looked at them. "Your card is the 10 of spades," he said and showed the 10 of clubs, hearts and diamonds to the audience.

"No," Trixie said in a strangled voice.

Igor drew three more cards. He showed three aces, spades, clubs and diamond. "Ace of hearts."

"No."

Three more cards. "Eight of Diamonds."

"The 203 of green circles," Trixie said as she held up the card. "Where did you get this deck?"

"Is the one you won all the money playing poker," Igor said innocently.

The audience laughed. Trixie and Igor bowed and noted the nurse signaling that the show was over.

"I know Trixie could entertain you all day, but some of you have therapy," the nurse told them.

There were complaints, but Trixie and Igor bowed and moved off to a chorus of 'thank yous'.

The ward's chief doctors waited for them. "I want to thank you for coming. I thought you didn't do 'private audiences'."

"One is a private audience. Eighteen is not a private audience. It also lets us do tricks that are a bit more intimate than standard," Trixie said.

"Well, thank you very much for entertaining the young ones, sometimes it isn't so fun," the doctor said.

"It was the least we could do," Trixie said.

"And I'm sorry about your friend," the doctor said, "If there's anything I could do . . . "

Trixie stopped. "Yes, you can tell me about my friend. Which one," Trixie said.

"The Ponyville - person. He evidently fell in some Poison Joak and had a rather rough time of it. I heard he turned into an alicorn and got beaten up," the doctor said.

"Doctor, perhaps we should discuss this in your office," Igor said, "Where there's a closed door and children can't hear."

The doctor nodded and led them forward.

"He's got a half-dozen ponies looking after him," Igor whispered to Trixie, "You might not have been able to do anything."

"Your mind-reading trick has improved," Trixie said, "Now convince me of that."

"Let's find out what happened," Igor said as they entered the doctor's office and closed the door.

"Well," Woona said to a despondent Celly as she returned with the untouched lunch, "At least you aren't wearing it." She fluttered over her sister and gave her a hug. Celly nuzzled her back.

"At least that would have been a reaction," Celly said as she opened the cabinet to select containers to put the food in, "He was asleep, and there didn't seem to be anything that would wake him."

"That's one of the symptoms. If the nightmares he had last night are any indication, he's probably exhausted."

"Did you look?" Celly asked Woona.

"Yes," Woona said as she settled on the breakfast nook chairs and shuddered, "If what I saw was anything like what happened to Nightmare, I can fully understand why she's so quiescent. Some were totally bizarre. Some were utterly terrifying."

"How bad could they be?" Celly asked, "I don't want to know, do I? Was I part of them?"

"Oh yes. Sometimes as a stallion, sometimes as a mare." Woona grinned at her. "It was the places you had teeth, that most ponies don't, that was the most disturbing I think."

"That's more than I wanted to know," Celly admitted. "I wish we could do more."

"Getting people who've been through it together to talk about it, convincing him to talk about his symptoms, all those require he, you know, talk about it. He seems to be sleeping most of the time right now," Woona said, "And Luna tried to break in. She was treated with some of the most disturbing poetry she's ever heard."

"Don't you mean treated to?" Celly asked.

"No, she was tied down and forced to listen to it. It referenced and celebrated the very brutal love affair between Sombra and an extremely plastic entity of very different morals and biology," Woona said, "I didn't hang around for more than a stanza, although I cut Luna loose and let her run away. The poetry, followed her."

Celly blinked. "I think I do not wish to know," she said, enunciating each word very clearly.

"That's good, the rest is no where near as disturbing. If you don't mind picnics."

"What's wrong with picnics?" Celly asked.

"Think of the most disturbing foods you can, and then imagine being so hungry you'd eagerly eat them."

"Yes. Picnics, disturbing, got it," Celly said and raised an eyebrow, "Symbolic of something?"

"Yes, the food our restauranteurs tried to force on him," Woona either missed or ignored Celly's facehoof as she continued, "It's the concept of 'blandness that isn't' that's got me intrigued. I've been wondering if we should have a conversation with one of the others about details of when they were human. That may give us some clues."

Celly was quiet for sometime as she transferred the food to the container she'd found. "Do you think they resent us, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?" Celly asked.

"Just because we're living a life with only a few ponies and their problems, instead of whole nations? Just because nopony instantly bows and scrapes to us on entering a room? Just because we can go out and get our hooves dirty in a problem, and nopony will accuse us of 'meddling'?" Woona said and shrugged, "Why would they be jealous? Have you heard that green is the new Imperial color this year? We must tell Rarity."

"Jealous, that I can see. But I said 'resent'," Celly said as she put the food in the cold box, "If they think we'll try and take their position, the love of their ponies, or be used in a plot by the nobles?"

"Plot's a good word to use in conjunction with the nobles," Woona said, "I think we're far enough out of their orbit to be safely ignored. And the last thing they would want is to remind us that if Celestia and Luna, and now Selene Dreamer were removed, our claim to the 'throne' would be stronger than any noble's. Bullies and schemers don't like being reminded how weak and foolish they are."

The sound of music suddenly coming on disturbed both ponies.

"The in-house speakers," Celly said, remembering that the living room and master bedroom were wired. "At least he's listening to some music."

"Does it have to be so moody?" Woona said as she listened.

"Better than nothing," Celly said, "And I think you're right, I don't think Celestia and Luna resent us."

Trixie took a deep breath. "Tell me again how he's got a half-dozen ponies looking after him, and I probably wouldn't have been able to do anything."

"Der Great and Powerfool Trixie canna be all places, and canna do all tings," Igor said, "He vant Trixie to perform for dose who not know how great, powerfool and tricksy is der Great and Powerfool Trixie."

She gave her assistant a raised eyebrow.

"I no break character after fife minute varning for curtain," Igor said.

"I was commenting on your ever-changing accent," the Great and Powerful Trixie said, "And thank you. The show must go on."

"Twenty seconds," the stage manager called.

"Is vat he'd vant for you," Igor said.

The curtain came up and the dazzling display of fireworks shown over the crowd. "Be prepared to see the most amazing magic ever witnessed by pony eyes. For I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!" She took a triumphant stance on back hooves.

She let the applause rise and subside.

"My assistant Igor," Trixie introduced him.

He managed a bow.

"Tonight, I have a special treat," Trixie said, "My assistant will do the first trick."

There was a puff of smoke around Igor, that quickly cleared to reveal, no Igor. The audience applauded, then realized Trixie was tapping her foot angrily.

"Gentles all, that wasn't the trick." She fired a burst, apparently at the ceiling, and down came Igor. Her magic halted him and he hovered over the stage, his feet still trying to run away.

"Ah, trick not ready," Igor said desperately, "Moon's not right, I hear my momma calls me!" He smiled at Trixie, but she just stared back. "Vas so nervous, I ate de flowers."

"You didn't eat the rabbit too, did you?" Trixie asked as she set him on the stage.

"Da, Igor gots bunny. So Igor comb through hair and produce a hare!" Igor said as he ran his hoof through his mane. The trunk of an elephant stuck out of his mane. The elephant trumpeted. "Yep, still got Bunny."

"You named the elephant 'Bunny'?" Trixie asked.

"Da, elephant vorking for peanuts, rabbit want many carrots," Igor said.

The audience groaned.

"Even the Great and Powerful Trixie can't make his puns any better," Trixie admitted to the audience, "I've tried, I've tried."

The audience laughed as Igor stuffed the elephant's trunk back in his mane.

The clouds rang with a cry for: "Vengeance!" Rainbow Dash hissed and looked at her overall pinkness. "Okay Pinkie Pie, two can play at this game."

She stood off the cloud she'd been napping on, and raced in pursuit of her quarry.

"What is with ponies and weird color changes lately?" Twilight asked as she helped Pinkie scrub the blue body coloring, and the multicolored mane and tail. The chromatically challenged mare had come in after supper, with a new color scheme.

"It was Rainbow Dash," Pinkie said as she scrubbed in the tub, "To get back for the button prank."

"But you didn't do the button prank," Twilight said.

"Yes, but she thinks I did," Pinkie said as the color started to run, leaving behind the green they hadn't been able to completely wash off. As the last of the new color washed away, they could see places where the green had worn away and left Pinkie's pink beneath.

Twilight sighed. "We'd better tell her that you aren't doing this before -"

"Where's Pinkie Pie?" came Rainbow's angry call from downstairs.

Twilight sighed and headed to the library's main floor.

"So that's where Pinkie's coloring went," Twilight said as she spotted the pegasus, "Somebody got you both good. Pinkie came in Rainbow-colored."

Rainbow paused as she saw the still green Pinkie applying a potion that returned her to her usual pink. "Okay, so who did it?" Rainbow asked.

"For all I know, with the Big Guy down, the Discord fragment may be getting restless," Twilight explained.

"So how do we prank Discord?" Pinkie asked, fully pink again.

"First let's get Dash back to being rainbow. Pink Dash doesn't seem appropriate," Twilight said.

Pinkie giggled, then Rainbow caught it. "Speak for yourself," Rainbow said between chuckles.

Twilight dashed to the bathroom to look over herself, she was her normal color. "Oh very funny," she told the pair as they exchanged hoofbumps. "You'd both be lovely in a nice, bright orange."

The pair laughed at the idea, and of Twilight even attempting a prank.

Author's Note

MLP - SM
Woona - Saturn - purple and maroon
Celly - Jupiter - green and pink
Rarity - Pluto - black and garnet
Pinkie Pie - Chibi Usa - pink
Lyra - Uranus - yellow and blue
Fluttershy - Mistress Nine
Johnathan - Mercury - blue on blue
Johnny - Venus - red and orange
Bonbon - Neptune - green and blue
Derpy - Moon - blue and red
Dinky - Mars - red and purple
Sveti - Tuxedo Mask

26) Hero of Saratoga

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Hero of Saratoga

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of has bro, Inc.

Day 44

Luna watched Celestia gliding in to a gentle landing. The cloud of Wonderbolts and Pegasi guards both Day and Night accompanied her.

"Please take her to the doctors," Celestia said to Spitfire, "The doctors in Dodge Junction weren't able to help." She carefully moved the dehorned unicorn to a stretcher, she nuzzled the fallen creature before watching them guards carry her off. Celestia looked at Luna, and Luna shied.

Only Selene landing on Celestia and eliciting a smile with her cry of, "Auntie!" told Luna that she wasn't the source of Celestia's fury.

It's still faux-Celestia, Luna realized as the Big Guy in Celestia's form nuzzled Selene, The pony he'd done more than I to bring into this world. I might have been a busy mother, but the child's father was available and obviously ready to help. And probably more experienced with children than I was.

"What happened?" Luna asked, as shied again as faux-Celestia's gaze fell on her.

The Big Guy reined in his temper and let Celestia's natural calm reassert itself. "They cut off her horn, smeared it with some tar or pitch from a nonmagical area where their base is, and have her convinced that she's lost all ability to touch magic. They sent her to deliver the message that any 'Mamby, pamby Royal lapdog who wanders in here will get the same'," faux-Celestia said in a clear voice. The guards bristled at this. Faux-Celestia wasn't through, "So I am not going to risk my troops, or yours, Luna."

"Your Highness!" one of the younger guards burst out, then practically withered as faux-Celestia smiled at her.

"I am gratified you would risk never flying again, to prove your loyalty to the crown," faux-Celestia said, "But that wouldn't be fair to demand of you. Love would not set such a test for loyalty."

Even the more experienced guards had trouble keeping their stoic mien.

"So, sister, what are you going to do?" Luna asked as she walked down steps to the throne.

"First, I am going to usurp your Night Court and your courtiers," faux-Celestia said gravely, then grinned, "With your permission of course."

"You have it," Luna said, "What is your plan?"

"A proclamation that will gladden their hearts, then, dinner and a movie," faux-Celestia said.

"This is payback, isn't it?" Luna whispered.

"You have no idea," faux-Celestia said darkly.

Day 45

Twilight stared at the letter. The cool of the library's floor was very restful, and it helped bring the universe back to the rational, reasonable place it always had been when dealing with Princess Celestia. " 'Please read the royal proclamation below to the Big Guy, and provide a translation for him and the others to reread at their leisure.'"

"The proclamation is easy, but I've never heard of this concept in Equestrian law," Spike said as he read over Twilight's shoulder, "I don't know how to translate it."

"I can't imagine what would have possessed Princess Celestia to do this," Twilight said.

"The Big Guy should be up," Spike said, "I've got the translation, so we can deliver it."

"How did you translate it that fast?" Twilight said as she stood.

"Practice," Spike said, as he opened the door, Pinkie raced in.

"Good, you're off to help the Princess," Pinkie said and started shoving Twilight towards the door. "I was hoping she would have told you about the duel tomorrow sooner, and gotten your help with the weapons, but better late than never."

"What duel?" Twilight shouted.

"Whoo?" Owlicious asked.

"I was getting to that," Pinkie said, "The Colonel-General griffon. It'll be something like Ponyville has never seen. A battle that historians will read and reread forever!" Pinkie leapt up to a backdrop of the Equestrian flag. "Relax Twilight, it was just a quick dream sequence," she said and grinned. She took a triumphal pose. "The mightiest of all ponies, against the most capable and cunning griffon in three generations! Feel the heart-rending terror as the Solar Diarch faces the Colonel General! Thrill to their cunning strategies! Marvel at the raw power of their attacks! And all right here in Ponyville!" Pinky jumped down and shoved Twilight and Spike out the door. She closed and locked it behind her.

Twilight looked from the door, to Spike, then back. "Has everypony in this whole town, in this whole country suddenly gone crazy?" Twilight demanded.

Pinkie hugged her. "It's not us," Pinkie said and gasped, "It must be you! Sisters!" She hugged Twilight, and gently eased her to the ground. "Poor Twilight, she really needs to learn to relax."

"You locked the door from the inside, how are you going to get back in there?" Spike asked. "How are we going to get back in there?"

Pinkie considered, then, opened the door. "The locks don't really work. I think you need to fix that."

Twilight stood in the Big Guy's living room, for once, the backdrop of books didn't distract her. " 'And so I, Princess Celestia, Solar Diarch, with full ascent of Princess Luna, Lunar Diarch, declare the bandits of the Baltimare Wood outlaw. Freed of my protection before the law.' There's a whole set of seals to mark it as authentic, and a postscript. 'Dear Sir, one riot, one ranger.' I don't think I know what that means."

The Big Guy extended a hand. Twilight hooved over the proclamation. The Big Guy set it on the table beside Spike's translation. His eyes darted over the words as he compared the words. Celly and Woona also peered at the documents.

Twilight had absolutely no idea why it seemed to have shocked the Big Guy so much. I guess the reports of him really going mad are true, Twilight thought, I just hope he doesn't' do something particularly foolish. She looked at all the books that were finally in reach of her hooves and understanding.

The Big Guy stood up suddenly.

Can he hear my thoughts? Twilight wondered, until the Big Guy began pacing. He wasn't making any sounds, but Twilight could imagine the deliberation going on inside his head. With Discord in there, I can imagine the debate.

The figure walked out of the room, pacing further in the family room. Celly sighed and stood up to follow him. But he reentered the room and sat back down. He wrote carefully on Twilight's translation: 'Thank you Twilight Sparkle, no reply.' He handed her the paper and walked back deeper into the house.

Twilight sighed, took a longing look at the books, and left for the library.

"So did you talk with him?" Rainbow asked as she swooped down. "I heard there was gonna be a need for real heroes. So when are we breaking out the Elements and going down there to show these bandits who's the toughest?"

"Never," Twilight said, "Their base is a magic dead zone. No power, it may even prevent the Elements from acting. I honestly thought Celestia was suggesting to the Big Guy that he go down and deal with them."

"Him, alone, that's not fair!" Rainbow insisted, "There's got to be over a hundred of them."

"So, he'd have them outnumbered?" Twilight asked.

Celestia would have preferred insane chortling, teasing or some other indication that he was enjoying her being hoist by her own petard. "Discord, aren't you going to say anything?"

"Your fears are groundless," Discord said, "Beyond that, no."

"I would think you'd be taking full advantage of my horror at this. I know exactly what's going to happen," Celestia replied.

"On the contrary, your Highness," Tom said, "You haven't a clue what is going to happen. And I'd like to point out, that those bandits have been in operation for years. This is not his fault, but yours. Years of benign neglect are needed for a problem to become this bad."

Celestia blew out a breath and looked around the mental landscape that wasn't hers.

"But he is now legally free to do whatever he wants," Celestia pointed out.

"Au contraire," Discord said, "He was free to do that the instant you switched places with him. You are now free to do whatever you want. And more important, the Ponyville Monster may be coming to get them."

"That won't have as great an effect as you surmise," Celestia said.

"I think you'll find what he can do exceeds anything you can imagine, even staying within the parameters you've set for his behavior," Discord replied, "You are also forgetting one other thing. But, I'll tell you that later. Bye." Discord vanished.

Celestia blew a strand of mane out of her face. "Great."

"A duel?" faux-Celestia asked. 'He' shook his head in frustration. "After all your hectoring about keeping up appearances, when were you planning to tell me about this? After it was over?"

"Things have been confusing," Luna protested.

"Great," faux-Celestia said and rolled his eyes, "Now I have to decide whether I want to win or not, as well as how to insure it doesn't look too blatant whichever way it goes."

"You'd throw the contest?" Luna asked aghast.

"Of course I might," faux-Celestia replied, "Do you actually think any of those people could hold me against my will? Neither the Heer nor the People's Liberation Army could catch me. Nothing on Equestria is a patch on them." Faux-Celestia paced a bit as Luna stared in growing outrage.

"You have to win, or do you best!" Luna insisted.

"Why?" faux-Celestia asked, obviously perplexed, "This is politics, not combat. The victory or defeat, and the margin all will influence the event. If I march over and crush someone too thoroughly, I run the risk of being accused of cruelty. If I win by too small a margin, the opponent, or others can legitimately demand rematches wasting my valuable time defending the victory. If I lose by a small enough margin then I or my supporters can challenge, using up the other side's time and effort defending a slim victory. If I make their victory look like a curb stomp on an overmatched opponent, or their reaction particularly inappropriate or unseemly, then they will have the victory at the cost of their reputation and the good will of those around them. It's not so easy as using my full talent to defeat an opponent. Do you understand?"

Luna could only stare incredulously at the creature inhabiting her sister's body. "You're assuming that the contest is yours to lose, rather than a struggle," Luna said.

"Look, if it makes it any easier to understand, it is mine to lose. Considering pony palates, a fairly skilled human beating any Equestrian in a cooking contest is simplicity itself. If your 'master chef' is any indication, all I need do is collect some mud with a bit of clay in it, season it until my eyes bleed, caramelize it with sugar or honey, arrange it in a tasteful fashion, then serve it. Instant victory."

Luna bristled, then exhaled and relaxed.

Then Selene piped up, "So what do we do?"

Faux-Celestia nuzzled her niece/daughter. " 'We'? We aren't doing anything, little one. I'm doing all the doing that needs doing," faux-Celestia said and grinned at the foal.

Selene giggled at that, and the tickling.

Then faux-Celestia focused on Luna "You still haven't figured out which side you want to come down on. Just understand that deciding not to decide is a decision."

"I know which side I am on," Luna answered, then turned suddenly at Selene's whimper. She nuzzled her foal, quieting her nervousness, and her foal's. When she turned back, faux-Celestia had departed.

Pinkie was watching as her 'party team' set up the decorations for the contest. The Big Guy had arrived earlier to help with some of the more difficult knots, then had left as suddenly as he had appeared. I wish I knew if he was getting better, or worse, Pinkie thought, then considered, I also wish Twilight would tell us what was in that letter she took to him. She seems kind of shocked by it all.

The griffons were setting up in Glory's kitchen. Celestia hadn't arrived, so the assumption was that she was using the kitchens in Canterlot.

Pinkie looked it all over. She shook her head to close out any gloomy thoughts but her pinchy knees had been getting steadily worse. Pinkie sense says something scary is about to happen. But nothing's happened all day, she thought, I'd feel better if this was a dozy.

She spotted Applejack looking at all the activity. "Hey Pinkie, any idea what the entries are gonna be?" she asked.

"The griffons are being very tight beaked, and Princess Celestia isn't even here," Pinkie said. She looked at the clear sky. "And I don't think she's going to make a late arrival."

"The contest isn't until morning tommora," Applejack said, "She doesn't have to be here until them. I don't think she trusts alla us ta keep a secret," Applejack said and winked.

"I can keep a secret," Pinkie said, "It's just, difficult."

Applejack smiled. Then she sighed as she scanned the skies. "Why does it feel like a thunderstorm's comin'? I mean, this is Celestia fer frogs' sake. The griffons aren't gonna toss a net on him and drag him away."

"I think I can guarantee that," Pinkie said and smiled at her friend's worried expression. "The griffon in charge just wants things to evolve."

Applejack nodded. "Well, I hope they don't have so much that everypony gets full on it. I'd like to sell some treats to the spectators."

Pinkie gasped and ran off to tell the Cakes to do the same.

Celly had been worried about him as the Big Guy sat on the patio and looked at the crystals that made up the cavern. He's been this way after he verified the team was packing up something in Nistag's lab, Celly thought as she walked out quietly and sat beside him. After a short while when he didn't react to her presence, she draped a wing over him. She was rather surprised when he nearly jumped.

"Sorry," he said, "A lot on my mind."

"I'd say," Celly said, "Care to share?"

"The Celestia we saw in the crazy house. She evidently tracked this universe down, and found her way into my mind," he said.

"From what Discord said, that's the last thing any Celestia should do," Celly said, "Discord warned us about that. It's one reason Woona and I haven't traipsed through your thoughts like they have." She nuzzled him, then looked at his strange expression, "What you wanted us stomping through your private thoughts like they were a walk-in closet?"

"No," he said, "It's just that, I never thought Discord would react that way."

"Well, I doubt he'd ever use the 'f-word' but he is trying to be your friend," Celly said, "Didn't you know that?"

"Yes," he said then stared at the walls, "Why do you think she did it?"

"That's easy," Celly said, "I used to be her, remember. She loves her little ponies, anything that can harm them has to be tested. Find out where it snaps and that's how much leash you allow it. Your problem is that she, I, was so used to being the only trickster, that when you don't quantify easily, she gets nervous. A thousand years of practical experience means she can usually predict the behavior of anything on Equestria after a little observation. Discord was before she got the experience, and she completely missed Luna's growing feelings of alienation. So she has to put everything in a nice, tight, little box. Ponies go in rather easily. Except the few exceptional ones like Twilight. And trying to fit herself into the box that Celestia keeps trying to stick her in is one of the reasons Twilight is so, inconsiderate. She's desperate to be what Celestia requires, but at the same time she wants to break out and just soar. I did that to Twilight in my homeland." Celly bowed her head. "That's probably what got her killed."

"What!?" he said.

"Well, she was caught by Sombra, and rather than doing what her instincts told her to do, she tried to imagine what I'd want her to do. That second or two of hesitation let him kill her, and all the Element Bearers. I've never forgiven myself for that. It's why I keep telling you to be patient with Twilight. Normally the two great forces in her life don't reinforce themselves so totally. But all that knowledge. She desperately wants to lay it all out like a garland at Celestia's hooves. To finally do something that she can consciously accept has won her Celestia's acceptance and love."

He turned to face her, his shock easily read on his face. "Rescuing Luna from Nightmare Moon, facing a dragon with only her friends, battling Discord without Celestia's help, all of that isn't enough to convince her? She has a stain glass window in Canterlot for facing Discord!" he said.

"Preaching to the choir, reverend. My Twilight never said anything to me about it. Somehow she's decided she has to be twice as good as Celestia to ever be considered her equal, or just worthy," Celly said and shook her head sadly, "No matter how hard she tries, she knows in her heart it won't be enough. Nobody seems to be able to convince her of it, and when I tried it with mine, it was as if she'd failed by not keeping her problems to herself."

He turned away from her and his shoulders began to shake.

"Hey, don't cry," Celly said as she wrapped her wings around him, "You've been a lot more patient than others, and explained that lots of the knowledge you have is a double-edged sword. Twilight understands. Aw, please, don't cry."

The Big Guy waited in the shadows outside his home, in Celestia's form, for Trixie to arrive. She was punctual, like clockwork, he thought as he waited, And with Luna lost to her worries about what else I'll do, it's time for the next piece.

The showmare appeared, and looked around worriedly, as if sensing something out of place. She nearly panicked as faux-Celestia unfolded out of the shadows.

"Please come with me," the Big Guy said.

Trixie bowed her head and worriedly followed the Solar Diarch. Faux-Celestia let her pass, and closed the door to the corridor. They were on the long staircase. One door leading up to Canterlot, the other leading down to a door he intended to go through. The third back home was closed and locked for the moment.

"I know you aren't Trixie, the same as I know I'm really the Big Guy in Celestia's form, so do you want to come clean?" he asked as the mare stared in horror at him.

"You must be mistaken," the Trixie imposter said, "I am the great and powerful - "

"Fraud," he said, "You are an excellent mimic, you have her mannerisms down pat. But you don't smell like her, and I know for a fact that she can't teleport that distance." He sat the body he was in down, and stared at the imposter. "I am very grateful for the help you've given me. But I really think you should tell me what's going on. Then we can help each other."

He was suddenly facing a huge, flaming beast. He yawned and raised an eyebrow. An instant later Trixie was back. "You also talk in your sleep," he told her.

Trixie fell to the stairs and covered her head with her forelegs. Moments and a flash of green fire later, she was a chitin-covered, fanged and horned creature with holes in her legs and wings. She cringed, as if expecting a blow, then slowly uncurled. "How can you not be afraid of me?" she asked, "You really are the Big Guy in there. How?"

An empath, he thought, And a powerful one.

"Because the only two ponies who've actually hurt me, are the form I wear, and her sister," he answered, then leaned forward and gathered the creature in. As soon as she had firm contact, the Trixie-imposter relaxed as if tranquilized, or medicated. "And because she had to take from me the one last thing that was mine. My identity. If even that is dependant on her whims, then it is time for me to leave. I want you to come with."

"You don't understand," the bug-pony said, "There's an attack, an invasion planned. And the seers have seen you destroying the queen who leads it."

"Well, too bad for Celestia and too bad for the seers. I think I intend to spend some time else where. Let the invasion happen. I don't intend to remain within their highnesses' reach."

"They can go anywhere in Equestria. As rulers or with their influence," the bug-pony said, and sighed as she snuggled against the Big Guy.

"Oh, that's another misconception I intend to disprove," he told her, "There are places she may be able to go, but will refuse to go. Trust me."

He felt her nod as she rested in his arms.

Celestia felt more than a little guilty about 'pony piling' with all these ponies who thought she was someone else. I guess I was jealous. 'The Ponyville Monster' could be cuddled and hugged, but not the all-beloved Princess Celestia.

"And just to whom are you justifying your actions?" Discord asked, "Yourself, or practicing to apologize to him?"

I don't think I can ever apologize for this, Celestia admitted, I had thought to help, but I never considered this would happen.

"You'd better be praying he can undo it. That body you're in is magically dead. Even with the Alicorn Amulet, I get the boost, not him."

Surely Twilight and Luna will teach him, or perform the spell themselves, Celestia replied.

"Why would they, at the word of the Ponyville Monster? You may have surrendered the throne to him for the rest of your life," Discord offered and grinned. "He rules Equestria, thanks to you. What happens is no longer your responsibility, but his."

You can't mean that! Celestia gasped, He wouldn't keep it! Luna would never allow it. The court would notice something was amiss! Celestia told him.

Discord scoffed. "Then why isn't Luna here fixing the problem? You're assuming that he even told Luna. The court, you've played enough pranks on them that they might not even notice. You, personally, invited the ponies who wrecked the last Grand Galloping Gala. You embraced the 'beep' joke and spread it to the court. You accepted the griffon's ridiculous challenge," Discord said, "Do you honestly think that if he doesn't force something too out of the ordinary that anypony will call him out? You know your ponies better than that. You've read the lips of many of the ponies, have any of them been shouting that Celestia has been replaced? They'll follow the alpha mare as long as she leads approximately where they are willing to go. You have been out-gambitted by a master, my dear Celestia. You are free from your crown, congratulations. You had better hope he really believes in this 'life-affirming chaos' stuff, because your power combined with his intellect and ruthlessness, there is no force on Equestria who could stand against him. Even me at full power."

"Have any of them been shouting that the Big Guy has been replaced?" Tom added.

Celestia suddenly felt sick to her stomach. He wouldn't hold the throne, just to punish me, would he?

"No, but to prevent you and your sister from meddling with him, he just might. Remember, he thinks you'll punish any misstep by plugging a sun in his guts. Now that you can't do that anymore, he doesn't have to put up with any of your or Luna's games. He might just stick a sun in you and take care of the problem."

Celestia was staring in horror at Discord now.

"Face it 'Sunny', you're both just random enough to easily pass for the other. I think that's one reason you hate him so much, and Luna is so smitten."

And that you're in love with him too? Celestia added.

"A hit! A palpable hit!" Tom said as Discord fumed at both of them. "But 'Tia, you are right, he is greatly to be feared. But not by your ponies. If he strikes, it will be at you and you alone. Giving him the legal and magical means to do so was not wise."

I didn't even think I was doing it, Celestia admitted.

"Or, he might be merciful. Confine you to a tower in Canterlot." Discord put on a Celestia wig. "Even though this creature is a threat to ponies, and me especially, I shall show him mercy. Cue applause." Discord pulled off the wig. "But I'm really Celestia!" He put on a Luna wig. "She is, she really is." He replaced the Luna wig with the Celestia one. "Luna, this is no time for jokes, the poor creature needs to be treated, not punished or encouraged. Cue applause."

Celestia stared at him as the pieces fit together perfectly.

"Well, I'll let you get some sleep. Big contest tomorrow," Discord said, "Say, you don't suppose he'd just throw the contest and let the griffons take you, do you?" Discord shrugged and walked away.

It seems I did not think this through, Celestia thought.

The stage manager looked at the Exhausted yet Triumphant Trixie and Igor VonStrong walking towards their dressing room. She rubbed her eyes. I could have sworn those two went in there a few minutes ago, she thought, I should get a decent night's sleep. She picked up her papers and headed to her office.

The pair entered the dressing room, where Trixie and Igor jumped to their hooves to confront the second Trixie and Igor. A flash of green fire and the newcomers were revealed as Celestia and a strange, bug-like pony.

"Sorry for the subterfuge, but it was the quickest way to get in here," faux-Celestia said, and removed a few maps from her saddlebags. "I charted their base, I wish I could have used my camera, but that would have been problematic. The prisoners are here, the main barracks here, and this is my best estimate of the anti-magic field."

"Do I want to know how you determined that?" Trixie asked.

"Trying to fly over it, and knowing when aerodynamics overcame the power of magic. I've never done a halo jump, but I kept my speed up so I coasted across the border and back where magic held sway."

"Idiot," Trixie mumbled under her breath.

"Here," Blueblood said as he pointed at a place where the prison compound drew close to the edge of the barrier. "This is a hill, right?"

"Yes," faux-Celestia said, "Going to use it for cover? It's pretty steep, but its alluvial, going to drive a mine straight under their camp and tunnel up to the prison?"

Blueblood looked shocked.

"I may know the technique, but I doubt I could pull it off. Besides, somebody has to distract them from the prison. I suspect that Celly, Woona and others will still have a lot of magical potency. They can lead the distraction."

"You'll have a problem here," Blueblood pointed out, "This used to be an old fort. If the bunkers underneath are in good repair, they could shelter under there, and they will be costly to dig out."

"I think I have a way to deal with that," faux-Celestia said, "I may need a movie to test my theory. Then flash-bangs and smoke charges will do all the fighting for us."

"Even I'd like to see that," Trixie said, "But what do you need from me?"

"I need my approach to be as terrifying as possible. I don't intend to go in as anyone but myself," faux-Celestia said, "I want to keep the blood spilled to absolute minimum. While this may be necessary, I have no doubts that I'll pay dearly for this."

"That's not fair," Trixie protested.

"Celestia has to look after the entire pony race. Having a renegade solve a problem is useful, but while being personally grateful, the renegade will have to be officially punished." Faux-Celestia grinned at Blueblood. "Like a certain stallion who gave her Highness a list of and leverage over the entire cabal."

"This isn't punishment, this is freedom," Blueblood said and grinned at Trixie.

"Very well. I have plans in place. Discord's little trick when he was fully realized went deeper than most people realize. He slipped me a few aces that anyone else would see as disasters. I'll be evaluating those while things stabilize in Equestria."

"Not to be a nudge, but the 50-ton dragon in the room," Trixie said and nodded to the bug-like pony.

"She's a changeling. A natural shapechanger," faux-Celestia said, "She feeds on emotions. Generally the emotions directed at the person they're impersonating." Faux-Celestia chuckled. "Can you imagine the power load that some changeling impersonating Cadence would get? I think half the country is in love with her, and every diplomat and most of the people in the cities she visited."

Blueblood laughed. "I can see that. The changeling might be as powerful as Auntie Celestia, especially if Shining Armor is as taken with her as he seems to be."

"Well, you boys have a lot to talk about," Trixie said, "We girls need to chat." Trixie escorted the changeling off to a corner.

"On this planet, is a girl being that polite to someone she's furious with . . . ?" faux-Celestia asked.

"As long as the broken bones don't poke through the skin there's very little blood," Blueblood, he glanced at the changeling apologizing to Trixie, and spoke quietly, "If you have her powers, there's a staircase off her private quarters. Whatever you do, don't go through the door at the bottom. Even if you think you're rescuing someone, or something else, don't go in there."

"I accept your advice. Where'd you get involved?"

"I was the typical, royal idiot. Then I decided that rules didn't apply to me, so I went through the door. I don't remember much, but when I woke, three days later, I was considerably more intelligent, I was also the coward I am now. Rumor is that his encounter with what's in there drove Discord insane."

"He's not insane. Warped yes, insane no. Have you ever heard of the Seekers?" faux-Celestia asked. "I've heard rumors about them."

"That would make sense, they are the ones who supposedly created the world," Blueblood said, his dread tinging his words, "They have either no understanding or little care for the day-to-day life of ponies. Have you legends of such creatures?"

"Legend and religion often have creatures who fit that description. They have little interest in us, as we have little interest in ants."

"Well, they may have given Aunt Celly the Elements, to let her deal with whatever they'd give to Discord, his power and his insanity or randomness. Why they didn't just take it back, I don't know. So their motives are hard to fathom," Blueblood said and glanced at Trixie quietly lecturing the bug-pony, who was reacting as if Trixie were physically beating her.

"Is that the only place to contact them?" faux-Celestia asked.

"No, that's a door to their realm. There may be other doors. Why?" Blueblood asked.

"I don't want to tell you, because you could tell someone else, and then the jig is up," faux-Celestia said, "But I suspect that a particularly odd pattern he set up may have that as linking element."

"This has something to do with escaping Celestia's reaction to you dealing with the bandits?" Blueblood asked, then he smiled, "Keep your secrets. I don't need to know, but don't take what Discord says as gospel. He has to twist his words. I doubt he can give a straight answer, unless that would do the most to disturb the hearers."

"I think he's afraid of doing that to me, for fear I'll do it back." Faux-Celestia glanced at the two returning Trixies. "Cheese it, the cops."

"You two seem to have come to an accommodation," Blueblood said.

"You knew it wasn't me?" one of the Trixies asked.

Faux-Celestia leaned over and sniffed each Trixie. "Yes, Trixie, I could tell, but I also had Discord explain what she was. And frankly, someone considerate enough to look after me that way was welcome."

The other Trixie flashed in green fire and stared in amazement. "How could you tell? My scent is the same as hers."

"She didn't know that's what tripped you up before, so she was confused when I sniffed her," faux-Celestia said, "Okay, let's flesh out the plan a bit, then you can get some sleep."

Day 46

"What is that soup?" Luna complained as faux-Celestia left the kitchen she'd chased all the cooks out of hours earlier, "Are you trying to lose on purpose?"

Faux-Celestia stared at her. "Hey, I'm no Joe DeFrates, but this is good stuff. Besides, what is he going to open with? Muffins, cupcakes, pies? Where's the palatable entries? Where's the sharp cheeses? Where's the flavor that doesn't come from the sauce or the seasonings? I'm beginning to understand why nouveau cuisine was such a rage, fresh ingredients, just a hint of seasoning, and let the natural flavors blend."

Luna's ears folded tight against her skull. "You make marching to your defeat sound like a religious experience."

"Oh, that door at the bottom of the staircase."

Luna froze at faux-Celestia's offhanded tone.

"You ever been in there? I hear some fascinating stories about it," faux-Celestia said, "It's something to think about." Celestia's form grinned, but Luna could barely contain herself.

"It's dangerous," Luna managed, "You should stay out of there. I thought Discord stayed with the Big Guy's body."

"He did. I think he was looking forward to spending time with Celestia without anyone interfering."

Luna closed her eyes. "That is not an image I wanted in my mind," she said, "I must thank you for placing it there."

"Oh don't worry, they're probably just talking. And I'll seal that door. With your permission of course."

"Of course!" Luna said, "Whatever possessed you to think going in there was a good idea?"

"It's my room now. You're right. If I'm to be Equestria's new ruler, then I should act the part." The door closed before Luna could imagine a reply.

Luna ran back to the counting houses and practically ran over the dignitaries to get the Sir Eagle Belle's office. "Sir Belle!"

The old bureaucrat looked at the disheveled princess. "Highness," he said and bowed.

"Sir Belle, Celestia is not whom she normally is. She has been possessed. She's actually the Big Guy," Luna said, avoiding the Royal Canterlot voice only barely.

The old pony sighed and smiled. "I know I am disobeying a direct order, but I think the joke is too cruel. Your sister, the Princess, Solar Diarch, kindest, gentlest of ponies, who could not bring herself to slay her corrupted sister, or Discord, or Sombra, or a host of others, stole the identity of the Ponyville Monster and has let him loose on all of Equestria?" he asked, "Oh woe is me, he may begin eating the servants, and the nobles." He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "She's chastising you for not visiting your friend. Especially when he most needs a friend himself."

Luna stared at the old pony.

"I agreed that you should go out there, but this office will not fray the bonds of the Diarchy to accomplish that," Sir Belle said, "After all, how would a biped suddenly master walking on four legs, and flight, in an afternoon. All reports are that when the Big Guy was transformed into an alicorn, he could barely stumble around, and flight was impossible. Your sister's puckish humor is well known, and rightly feared. Many nobles who thought they had the upper hand in some dispute, suddenly found the tables turned, and not only they, but their coconspirators, even their entire dossier of ideas became laughing stocks in an instant. From portfolio to pratfall, and no one saw it coming."

"You think this is all some trick of Celestia's?" Luna asked.

The old pony nodded. "It has all her hoofprints all over it. This one's a bit more elaborate than usual, a tribute to your more discerning eye, but it still is Classic Celestia. I believe you're worried over the wrong thing. What's the surprise she's plotting? That's what you should be worried about."

"Thank you," Luna said.

I'm not going to get any help here, she realized and then understood, Or anywhere else, they all 'know' it's a prank, on me. They're all too busy waiting for the payoff to think it can be anything but.

Luna headed back to the throne room to address the issues of the day.

Celly had been a bit disturbed by the Big Guy's mood swings. But I was told to expect this, she reminded herself as he 'stalked' her wearing a Discord-like grin, Okay, manic state.

Then he pounced, and somehow found all her most ticklish spots.

"Woona! Help me!" she squealed through her laughter as she staggered under his weight and her buckling knees.

Her sister, loyal to the end, cleared away the breakables, and launched her own attack.

"I am betrayed!" Celly squealed as she collapsed to the carpeted floor.

Derpy had not expected Celestia of all ponies to arrive at the post office. The others murmured as they bowed to their ruler. Celestia nuzzled the mail mare. Many in the room commented quietly on the familiarity.

"Derpy Hooves, I can't go into details, but I think you will need to take a vacation. Say three weeks, starting in three days."

"Highness," Derpy said, raising her head, "Take Dinky out of school?"

Celestia nodded. "Please trust me," she said.

Derpy nodded. Celestia smiled and left. As everyone stood up Derpy looked around.

"That was spooky," the postmaster said, "What are you going to do?"

"Put in for three weeks' vacation," Derpy said, "I get the feeling that wasn't a royal suggestion. I'll make arrangements with Miss Cheerilee after work."

The postmaster nodded.

Celly lay on her back, her wings extended. She'd managed to tangle Woona up in her mane and tail, and let them 'attack' while she'd concentrated her hooves on first futilely searching for the Big Guy's ticklish spots. He didn't have any. Then trying to bind up his hands and feet, but he always found some wiggle room to find her ticklish spots. She'd finally simply outlasted him.

Now he lay on her chest, cradled in her forelegs. His breathing was rapid, and while he felt like a furnace against her, he was shivering. She'd slackened her grip on Woona when it seemed less likely her sister would resume her attack and so she could wrap her mane around him to keep him warm. Woona slipped loose of the enfolding coils of her sister's tail and lay down beside her.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he told Celly, as he stroked the sides of her neck, "Not in not seeing what was happening. You are responsible for seeing that it doesn't happen again. But after Sombra, and Discord, and all the rest, you were not in a place physically or emotionally to deal with what Luna was going through. You were going through it too. Luna tried to be more than she ever had been, and you closed everything that hurt you out," he told her.

Celly shut her eyes, trying to hold back the tears. They told us he needed to talk about it, and might go dredging up some of our bad memories. But not that one, she thought, Please.

"Woona, you were desperate to see what you wanted. That you weren't appreciated. But while all your ponies ran and played in Celestia's sun, they trusted you to guard their night and their dreams. After how long under Discord's thumb, they were offering you the greatest show of trust they could."

Woona sniffled but said nothing.

"Not seeing it was not your fault. You didn't have anyone you thought you could trust. It took you both a long time to realize what you were turning away from. You can't keep blaming yourselves for mistakes made when you didn't know any better."

Celly hugged her two dearest ones and let the pain of all the old memories wash over her.

Pinkie couldn't help herself. She fell over sideways and started laughing uproariously. The Cakes, who had managed to keep a straight face, gave up and joined in. The Big Guy inside Celestia's form tried his best to look confused as the ponies completely lost it. The chef's hat that contained 'her' mane to keep hair out of the food they were preparing garnered a hoof-pointing from Pinkie as the mare's hysterics continued. The tall cylinder and poofy top was standard, but there was a huge amount of mane to contain, so the dimensions were greater than usual.

So the hat make it look like a mushroom is growing out of my bald head, he gathered from Pinkie's gasping explanation.

"What in tarnation's the ruckus!" Applejack shouted as she entered with Rarity and Twilight.

The Big Guy duplicated Celestia's 'hurt puppy' look, and directed it full force at the three arrivals. Twilight looked spectacularly nonplused. Applejack looked like someone had just kicked her someplace particularly sensitive. Rarity alone was maintaining a straight face.

But the last time I heard anything like that, he thought of the noises the fashionista was desperately trying to stifle, Was when I was teaching my niece to drive a stick shift.

Rarity broke and ran for it. Outside, her laughter and unladylike snorts echoed off the other buildings.

Applejack just stared with the screwed up expression on her face. Twilight looked half way to apoplexy or death by embarrassment.

"I think I look very pretty," the Big Guy said, as Celestia in his body and the rest of his group entered Sugar Cube Corners.

The Celestia in his body stared open mouthed.

I don't even want to imagine what this is doing to Discord, he thought.

Hotaru wound up on the floor laughing fit to die. Celly and Woona started doing Applejack impersonations. The Apples looked at who they thought was Celestia, then at each other, then backed out of the building.

He walked over to his body, tapped gently on the side of his head with Celestia's hoof. "Hello, anypony home?" he asked, then pushed the body over, catching it as it collapsed, to lower it to the ground.

Poor Twilight was still staring at Celestia's form. The mare had sweat pouring down her face.

She looks like she's just chugged a bottle of tabasco, he thought.

"Don't you like my hat?" he asked as plaintively as he could, trying to make Celestia look absolutely melancholy and miserable.

Twilight's sweat doubled, honesty warred with admiration and loyalty. There was no hope for her. Her eyes rolled up and she collapsed.

Satisfied, he took a careful path back to the kitchen to complete preparations for the contest.

The Colonel-General had seen many sights in his life. Thought I was long past one that could make me lose my composure, he thought, but nearly dropped the tray of muffins and cupcakes he'd been carrying to the open-air preparation table.

He managed to get the tray on the table before he collapsed to the ground. He laughed there until he was wheezing. That's going to make decorating cupcakes difficult! he thought and focused on the image as a stratagem. He couldn't hold it and started laughing again. I don't care if it is a strategy. The sight of dread Celestia, seeming ly shaved bald and waving around a giant mushroom is too much.

He managed to help Glory and Mystery place the remaining pastries and the icing on the table. That neither had been reduced to giggles told him of their iron discipline and the effectiveness of the Imperial Guard' training of both nations. Nothing could break their stoicism, but Celestia doing her preparation with that preposterous hat was near their limits.

The sight of the spectators, and the judges trying to keep a straight face, only to fail, then remember just whom they were laughing at and sober up, only to fail again, didn't help. Celestia was humming a tune and bobbing her head in time with it, only worsened the effect.

"That's a dirty trick," Sveti managed, trying to bury her mirth in fury, and failing.

"All's fair," he replied as he lowered his gaze and concentrated on the pastries, the icing, and the patterns he had to put on them. Listening to the ponies one by one and in small groups slowly blowing their gaskets made the job terribly difficult.

Not surprisingly, Celestia finished first. Her offering was different for the ponies at the judging table, and for the griffons. The Cakes, Bonbon, HollyHock, Zecora, Mystery and Sveti were the judges. All had a reputation for honesty and straightforwardness.

Although a certain bias, can be expected, from both sides, he admitted as he looked at Celestia, her hat still and her expression somber, as she served. That alone sobered the judges. Her Solar Highness does not serve, but she's doing a masterful job of it, he admitted.

The ponies received a salad: lettuce, onions, olives, corn chips, and a sprinkling of cheese. The dressing and the scent of it intrigued him. It seemed to be a bean soup, but the scent of cumin reached his nose. I don't know of any pony recipe using that, he thought as he tried to make the patterns of icing aesthetically pleasing as they would be delicious.

The griffons, and Zecora at her request, received a bowl of the soup, a small condiment tray of corn chips, shredded cheese, lettuce, olives and onion.

The staple for the one is the condiment of the other, he thought as he completed his first batch, Clever. The smell was still tantalizing him, and set his mouth to watering. He looked up to see Celestia setting up a small table, with a serving for him. She nodded, setting the hat to bobbing, and selected one of the decorated cakes that he hadn't yet arranged on the platter for the judges.

"This is delicious," Celestia commented as she took a bite of the cupcake. "A masterwork."

Then why do I feel like I've just been awarded third? he thought and looked at the stunned looks on the judges. Every single one of them.

Mr. Cake was the most honest, he dug into the salad like a starving fledgling, enjoying every bite. At the other end of the table, Sveti caught his eye and shook her head slightly.

So I've already lost, the old griffon thought, Well, I shall go down with the banners flying.

Celestia had exchanged the ridiculous hat for a mane net, and was serving seconds to the judges, then walked out to the audience and began giving them samples. The poor ponies just stared at her in utter awe.

He delivered the tray of muffins and cupcakes to the judges. They oo'ed and ah'd at the pretty arrangement, and they each sampled a bite here and there, and savored each morsel. But the writing is on the wall, he thought as he returned to the preparation table, and then moved down to sample. He tried a spoonful of the material. He looked and it the deep red-brown and considered the gravy that could possibly produce that color. He smelled the tomatoes, and the meat. But beans? What could possibly make it smell so good? he thought then tasted it. He stood and stared into the distance. The small dollop resting on his tongue, igniting nerve endings like the bows in a firing squad. There's nothing on Equestria like this, he realized, and looked at the Big Guy enjoying a large bowl of the stuff. The griffon smiled. Yes, nothing like it on Equestria.

He added some of the other ingredients and realized he'd been handed a tremendous boon to the Griffon nation. We've got plenty of beans, and a griffon can survive on them and a little meat, but no griffon would do that. Until now. Enough meat to give it a flavor, but not even enough to put off a pony. And beans to fill it out. Even I can figure out the ingredients. He waited until Celestia turned to acknowledged him. He bowed low, admitting his defeat, and putting his fate entirely in her hooves.

She bowed just as low, basically declaring it a draw, despite having delivered as devastating a defeat as was possible without physically killing him.

He looked at the ponies and others around him. He returned to the table, simply laid out a layer of icing on the cupcakes, and took the cupcakes and muffins first to the judges, then to the audience. The compliments rolled in.

But this is a school champion against a seasoned professional, he thought, I never had a chance, but by declaring a draw, the two of us will work it out.

The collection of ponies and others had clustered around the theater. To the Colonel-General's chagrin, the Big Guy in Celestia's form had revealed he had cases of canned versions of the chilli he'd prepared for the contest. Twilight was staring at whom she thought was her mentor with a worshipful gaze.

"The griffons have always had problems with food shortages, but suddenly they have a new food source that lets their poorest eat food they would have turned up their noses at," Twilight said, her enthusiasm for the subject making her friends and even the griffons' smile.

"Better," Mystery added, "By 'stealing' the secret from Princess Celestia, he can put his loss off as wresting secrets from the ponies. That should soften the blow of him having challenged and lost."

Twilight's brow furrowed. "That doesn't make any sense," she said.

"Politics, darling," Rarity said, and nodded, "I almost think you two worked this out in advance. When it's revealed that it came from the Big Guy, it'll make it even more valuable."

"With the ability to translate," the Big Guy as faux-Celestia said, "Those cook books will suddenly become a hot item. Perfect for Bonbon and her 'strange' marefriend to work on."

The pair blushed under the praise.

"Do you know what this cinema is about?" Sveti asked.

"I think it's about ships," faux-Celestia said, "The title is The Enemy Below, maybe it's about underground monsters." The cinema began playing.

"Nope," Rainbow said, "It's about ships. Do you suppose we'll see if they know about sea-ponies?"

"Well, it's easy to tell who are the officers, they have so much nicer clothes," Rarity said.

Dinky stared at the subtitles, mouthing the words. "What's a feather merchant?"

"You can read that?" the Big Guy in Celestia asked before Twilight could.

"Sure," Dinky said happily, "It's like a game."

The Big Guy in Celestia nodded.

He watched the ponies watching the movie. As the ship's alarms in the movie sounded the ponies perked up as the crew ran to their battlestations. The griffons were more sanguine about the activity. Here it comes, the Big Guy thought checking his wings. If I'm right, well, just a little time to wait.

"Their boat's sinking!" Fluttershy gasped.

"I think it's supposed to," the Big Guy inside faux-Celestia said. He noted the odd look Celestia in his body was giving him. "Submarine means underwater. That may be the u in U-boat, underwater."

"How are they gonna fight a boat like that?" Rainbow Dash asked, "It's cheating."

"How is a boat like that going to fight a surface ship?" the Colonel-General asked, "I think we may find out."

"The word Class, it was printed differently," Twilight said, "People with different languages fighting. Wait, they have the same language, just spell the words differently, but use the same letters."

Good ole' Twilight, he thought, Misses the point to focus on what catches her eye.

"How many languages are there on his planet?" Twilight asked. She cringed as the torpedoes were fired on screen.

They watched silently. Until the first depth charges fired. When they detonated, he had every pony in the room under his wings or behind him, if they couldn't climb into 'the Big Guy's' lap. Even Celly was trying to occupy that very crowded piece of real estate.

"Wouldn't an explosion underwater crush the ship?" Twilight asked.

"Shut up!" Rainbow insisted.

Why is he doing this? Celestia asked Discord, her own terror at the spectacle unfolding was nearly as great as her ponies'.

"You were the one pointing out that the location had an old fortress with catacombs," Discord said, "Filled with zomponies and giant dragon skeletons? Woooo!"

No, Celestia replied, Wait, he's going to depth charge them? That's horrible!

"Better that a frontal assault against an entrenched enemy?" Discord asked, "Look at how terrified even the griffons are. And they're only watching a recreation for the cinema. Imagine how their resistance will crumble facing that directly."

It's still terrible, Celestia thought, But, given the only other possibilities available to my troops, I guess it is the best of bad ways.

"Isn't it amazing, completely freed of all threats to his safety, and having the political position to legitimize whatever action he takes, he still respects your rules and wishes. It's almost like you've got nothing to worry about, but that's silly, isn't it."

Yes, silly, Celestia said, glaring at Discord.

"Oh, someone finally cracked, and on screen before the audience did," Discord said, directing Celestia's attention back to the cinema, and her overfull lap of shivering ponies.

The Big Guy, still wearing her form, sheltered everyone else either under her wings, or behind her bulk. The Big Guy watched the crowd, rather than the cinema.

The ponies uncurled to watch the submarine's captain stifle the young man's terror. And then select a record to play and sang along with the crew.

Except he isn't just heartening the crew, Celestia realized, He's still fighting. He's still defiant. 'Good try, but you didn't win.'

"An important aspect that neither you nor your sister seem to realize," Discord pointed out, "That it is possible to have two clever, resourceful, considerate men of superb character, completely capable of ruthlessly trying to kill each other. Captains Murrell and Von Stolberg are such men. You might want to consider that there are others with these same characteristics."

Rub it in why don't you? Celestia thought and continued to watch the cinema.

The rescue of the wounded human by both captains working together, then the two crews practically dragging the captains to safety warmed Celestia's heart, and drew the ponies from their hiding places to watch. And loved it when 'Celestia' rewound it so they could watch the scene again. They grew somber again as the ships blew up, and then at the funeral scene.

The ponies and the griffons were pensive as they said their good-byes.

The other war films were too spread out, too many things happening to too many people, Celestia thought, This was personal. Two men, wielding their ships and their crews like weapons. Yet, they weren't exactly friends at the end. They could at least live with each other.

"Perhaps the lesson?" Discord offered, "There doesn't have to be instant friendship, but there can be a duty to greater things."

Are you suggesting letting him keep the throne? Celestia asked, I can't do that. I can't do that to my ponies.

"You say his terrible mistreatment of them?" Discord asked, "He fed them meat and they enjoyed it!" Discord shrieked in terror.

That really is annoying, Celestia said.

"You stole his home, his friends, and any hope he had of family from him, and he hasn't put a little sun in your guts, which would cement his position as Solar Diarch, by right of conquest if for no other reason," Discord told her, "I don't think he's going to hurt your little ponies to get at you. I think he's going to make them very happy, and that's how he's going to stab you in the guts." Discord yawned, interrupting Celestia's question. "Well, time for sleep, see you tomorrow." He and Tom vanished, leaving Celestia alone with a very large number of uncomfortable questions.

She glanced around the mental landscape nervously for a few moments. The shadows are not closing in on me, she thought as the ponies led her to the bed to settle in for a night's sleep. She briefly considered the likelihood of any of the Canterlot elite looking after her this way, and found herself tightly hugging Derpy when she realized, My sister hasn't charged in to 'my rescue'. She has to know, she has to!

The changeling moved towards the perimeter of the magic dead zone. Her disguise began fading moments after passing the boundary.

Faux-Celestia sighed. "So much for slipping in and spreading dissension and chaos that easily," he said as the bug-pony despondently walked back. "It isn't your fault," he told her.

"It should work," she replied, "But in there, it's like I forget how to hold it."

"My strength is greatly diminished," Faux-Celestia said, "An alicorn is still much stronger than an Earth Pony, but nothing like outside. I wonder if even Celestia knows how physically strong she is."

"I wouldn't know," the changeling said and looked around, "Don't they patrol the forest?"

"No," faux-Celestia replied, "They aren't a government, or a military, just a pack of bandits. This dead spot is too far to walk to, so they don't have guards on it, and their pegasi don't like to fly at night over territory where their wings are intermittent."

"Got it all figured out," the changeling said.

"No. I want to know why the doors open to where they do. Once I know that, I'll solve the riddle Discord left for me," faux-Celestia said, "Until then, I deal with what I can."

"Well, unlike you, I need rest and sleep, and -" the changeling ended her statement with a contented sigh.

"Seems you can feed in one of these dead zones," faux-Celestia said as she gathered the small bug-pony in her wings. "Very interesting. Very interesting."

Discord felt several of his tail spikes fly off as Celestia whirled him around his inner sanctum. Her grip on his throat with her teeth held as she practically ran and flew in place, circling faster and faster.

Then she let go. He sailed through the door she had blown off the hinges to enter the sanctum, and crashed into the ceiling outside so had he shattered on impact.

"Billions and billions of pieces," Discord said as he reassembled himself.

"Genius idea, after rubbing her nose in it that in a world where friendship is the ultimate magic, she only has friends when she 'borrows' them from her student or steals them from her enemy, to remind her that even her sister hasn't tried to rescue her," Tom said, "You know how unstable things are, especially her emotions."

"Oh hush, I'm having fun," Discord said, then sighed and smiled as Celestia screamed in raw rage as she charged, "She's so beautiful when she's passionate like this."

"She is doing her best to kill you," Tom said.

"It's such fun to let her try," Discord replied and watched in rapturous joy as she rammed her horn through his chest and knocked him to the ground.

"I must remember to explain the 'good attention/bad attention' part of relationships," Tom said, "Oh dear, that's got to hurt."

Luna had finally decided to go where she realized she should have gone the instant faux-Celestia had revealed the situation. Now she stared in horror. I saw a pair of mantises mating, when I was little. That had a savage beauty, this, this is unbelievable, she thought as she stared.

Discord was pinned to the ground by Celestia's hooves and between screams of pain, was shouting at Celestia 'Is that your best? Is that all you got? Is that all your anger at what I did to all your ponies amounts to? What I did you your Element Bearers? What I did to Twilight?'

Celestia drove her horn into him again and again, then ripped pieces of flesh from his body with her teeth and horn, and swallowed them.

Why is he laughing? Luna wanted to scream as she watched her kind and gentle sister reduce Discord to a skeleton, then began crunching up the bones left behind. This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening! Luna squeezed her eyes shut and told herself. When the sound died down, she looked at her fellow Diarch. Celestia stared right at her, Discord's tooth in her lip, as if she were trying to impersonate him. Then the tooth disappeared into Celestia's mouth and the crunching sounds as she slowly chewed it were the only noises in the entire place.

Luna turned and fled. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she ran. She wasn't sure when she'd transitioned from waking to sleep, but she found herself thundering down the corridors of Canterlot. The few ponies with business at that late hour hastily got out of her way.

Even the door wardens knew enough to get the massive portals warding the throne room out of the Lunar Diarch's way. Luna continued her charge. She did care who was really in the body, it would be better that Celestia wasn't in there.

"It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream!" Luna shouted as she burrowed beneath faux-Celestia's wing.

"Of course it was," faux-Celestia said, a comforting mix of Celestia's soothing tones and the Big Guy's confident mastery of any situation.

"It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream!" Luna could only manage as she tried to hold any touchstone in her reality.

"Night Court is in recess," faux-Celestia said, "Corporal, please rouse Captain Armor and Princess Cadence, have them brought here, and bring Selene Dreamer here. She's probably worried about her mother." She nuzzled Luna. "There, there," she said, "It was a dream, and a bad one, but I'm sure we can work it out. We can work it out."

Luna simply broke down in sobs as she tried to deal with what she'd seen, what Celestia had become.

Discord stepped out of the shower. "Ah the things I do," he said as he dried himself off.

"Taking such extreme chances is not perhaps the best route," Tom said, "You could actually have been killed."

"I would have returned to the rest of me," Discord said, dismissing the concern. "You worry too much about the wrong things. Ah good, I don't smell like pony flops anymore."

"What pray tell should I be worrying about?" Tom asked.

"What affect it had on her," Discord said as he stepped out of his sanctum. He paused a moment to restore the door Celestia had smashed off its hinges. Then he set off to search.

"There." Tom spotted the flash of white in one of the deeper shadows.

Discord waved him back and approached alone.

"Please stay away," Celestia said, more whimper than speech.

He stifled the urge to reply 'or what' with liberal application of a jar of herring, cream type. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said instead, and rolled the jar away from them as he sat down.

"I -" Celestia said

"You most certainly did. And you looked absolutely beautiful doing it too," he said, "All you did was forget one little thing. But we can do that now."

"What?" Celestia asked, trying to pull herself deeper into the corner, deeper into the shadows.

"My forgiveness," he told her and hugged her gently. "I forgive you for what you did. For what you've wanted to do for so long. For what I perhaps entirely deserved."

"Forgiveness?" the trembling alicorn asked.

"Yes, I need to ask yours as well. The currents of this place are deep and strong. Anger, love, fear and joy all run not in the little streams that ponies experience, but in torrents that could scour away mountains. I let you transfer here knowing that, because I thought it would do you some good," he said, "I hope it has. And I've watched you give Celly and Woona lesser versions of what you're going through. But letting it happen, because I wanted it to, was rather cruel."

And I also apologize for not being there to help you weather reaping what you have sown, Discord thought as Celestia cried her eyes out, I have got to get her out of this place. A little was helpful, too much is going to drive her mad.

The small collection of ponies surrounding Luna kept the Lunar Diarch quiet and safe. Cadence had carefully sandwiched Selene Dreamer between her self and Luna. Luna was pressing hard again Celestia's side, and the Solar Diarch's wing was draped over the entire trio.

Shining Armor sat on the other side, a bit embarrassed at being included as a witness to this. He steeled himself, and addressed the Solar Diarch directly. "What she said, about you not being who you were, about tearing Discord to pieces, about, all of it," he said in low tones to not awaken the sleepers, "What is that about?"

"I had a similar nightmare. You heard the reports that I told the court that I was our alien visitor. I believed it wholeheartedly. The currents in his mind are stronger than we're used to. It swept me away, until I could focus again on who I was and my responsibilities. Luna thought my inexperience was causing my behavior. It seems she did worse that I did. What is remembered, and what actually happened will be a bit muddled."

"I'd recommend staying out of there, until things get more settled," Shining Armor said.

"That is not what we do for our ponies," Celestia chided him.

"As Bonbon correctly asserted, he is not a pony. Highness, treating him as such continues to be a disaster," Armor said.

Okay, I'm pushing the line here, Armor thought, But if I can't tell them the truth, who can?

"If what she said were true. That somehow we had switched places. How would anypony tell?" Celestia asked nervously. "I wonder, because if the disorientation lasts, for as long as it did for me, and for Luna, what if something else stayed with us?"

"I think everypony would know whether it was or wasn't you," Armor said.

The things she comes up with, he thought.

"Thank you, Captain, most reassuring," Celestia said.

"One other thing," Armor said and glanced at Selene, "The report of uh, close quarters combat. Luna seems very disturbed that the battle took place during the dismemberment."

"Fog of war," Celestia replied, "Luna is assuming the battle took place."

Armor struggled with himself for a moment. "Highness, this is perhaps above my pay-grade, but to help Luna, are you saying the campaign could not have been waged as described?"

"Captain, both you and Luna are assuming that before a decisive battle took place, there would have been extensive skirmishing required. I can assure you," Celestia paused to blush, "If the army was mad enough to arrive in full battle array, Discord would have little trouble getting his heavy maneuver divisions from column to line in a hurry. The rumors that these campaigns were fought in the pre-Classical days I leave to rumor, but I will assure you that intelligence was available that Discord was both a master strategist and superb tactician. It was attempting to fight a war on multiple fronts that reduced his combat power."

Armor nodded.

"Oh, Captain Armor," Celestia said.

"Yes Highness?"

"Do work on your skirmishing, expertise with the vedettes is always appreciated," Celestia said regally, and smiled.

Armor nodded.

27) The Goat of West Point

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - The Goat of West Point

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 47

"Good to see you, Captain Alfalfa," Blueblood said of his officers of the North Border Fusiliers as they and the cadre entered the banquet hall. The meeting room in Dodge Junction was the same as the one he'd used earlier to meet with Grass Lights. The refreshments on the side tables were being approached more cautiously. Blueblood nearly smirked as one of the senior sergeants had tapped all the cider barrels, and brought Blueblood a tankard with a little from each barrel. "Oh, thank you so very much," he said and drank a healthy draught.

That let the others begin. Fortunately for Blueblood, pride warred with amusement, so he was able to easily maintain his supercilious tone. "Our part of the operation will fortunately be minor. The Big Guy and Auntie Celly want to 'send a clear message'," he said and rolled his eyes, "All we have to do is rescue the prisoners."

"Drive a mine right under the prisoners' enclosure without them sallying to deal with us?" the captain said. She'd had to 'adjust' her Colonel's plans on numerous occasions. Blueblood thought the mare enjoyed the challenge. That and Blueblood never hit on her 'for fear she'd hit back' which made her more tolerant of his other flaws.

"Ah, we have a secret weapon," Blueblood said enthusiastically, "The Great and Powerful Trixie."

Trixie entered, and accepted a mug of cider and a sandwich. She was clearly not happy at being up with the dawn. "Yes, observe," she said and flipped her cape to accentuate the spell.

Everyone in the room vanished.

"That's . . . impressive," the captain said, "I don't hear anyone either." She and her troops reappeared.

"The Big Guy and the Great and Powerful Trixie taught me how to use that spell to disguise the entrance to our mine, and how to disperse the dirt so even the ponies on the ramparts won't see it. Isn't that wonderful?"

The captain saw the showmare making placating gestures. The captain just nodded. She'd been here before. "Sir, after casting the spell, are you going to be helping us with the digging?" she asked.

Blueblood looked positively horrified, then he laughed. "Oh captain, you are such a tease! I will be there when we break through. After all, I have to be there to lead my brave troops at the decisive moment." Blueblood appeared to completely miss the captain's absolutely neutral expression. "Although I understand Captain Armor will also be there. But the glory of this will go to my, I mean us, our regiment." Blueblood raised his mug, which was suspiciously being kept full. "To the glory of the North Border Fusiliers!"

That got an enthusiastic response, as it always did.

"Let's go over the rest of the Big Guy's plan. I understand Aunt Celly was positively horrified by it, so it has to be fun," Blueblood said.

The captain took a long swig of cider, then concentrated on the maps and timetables for the action. She was amazed that it actually looked like competent work. "A bit theatrical."

Trixie cleared her throat.

"Beg pardon ma'am," she said, "But the stage is not the same as a battle field."

"Yes, you don't have to impress your audience," Trixie said, "You just have to beat them, or in this case, terrify them."

"I hope they're half as scared as I," the captain muttered.

Trixie looked at the regimental orchestra. They were bivouacked in town, now they were assembled on the theater's stage. The stage manager watched in confusion as Trixie passed out sheet music that was to be a major portion of the upcoming battle.

"I know that ponies sometimes use music for celebrations," the stage manager said, "But to win a battle? I don't think those bandits are going to be the sing-along type. And if they are in a magic-free zone, wouldn't the magic of Harmony have a light hold on them."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie will show you," the angry at being awake before noon Trixie told her, "From the top, so you can see too."

The orchestra began. Explosions wreathed the Great and Furious Trixie, then she walked towards the stage manager. The mare's eyes widened and she retreated. Trixie didn't speed up, she walked in time with the music. The stage manager's ears flattened back and she began searching for an escape, but she was facing a relentless, tireless and pitiless foe.

The mare scampered away, and Trixie just turned to continue her steady pursuit. The manager retreated to put the orchestra between them. "I just wanted to know," the normally unshakeable mare shouted.

On a column of lightning and fire, Trixie leapt over the musicians. The stage manager's eyes shrank to pinpoints as she tracked the caped death descending on her. She threw her self on the ground and covered her head. "I just wanted to know!" she wailed.

"Beep," Trixie told her as she touched her nose, "Now, imagine the Ponyville Monster advancing on you with that accompanying."

The stage manager stood and shook herself. The musicians were laughing, but she didn't care. "I'll be having enough nightmares about that, thank you very much."

"Trixie can sell it better," Trixie told her, "Now, if you think you can stir up the regular band, don't you think they'll want to be in on this?"

"Yes," the stage manager said, eager for anything that let her get outside under the sunlight, and away from that terrifying music. "And coffee, for everyone, right?"

"That would be appreciated," Trixie said, and the musicians also nodded.

The stage manager ran off.

"This was the Big Guy's idea?" the conductor asked as he took over leading the orchestra.

"You know how Celestia dislikes anyone harming 'her little ponies'," Trixie said, "This way he doesn't have to touch them. If they surrender to your regiment, then that's done."

The others nodded. And the conductor selected a few musicians to lead a few sections.

So the seeds are sewn, Trixie thought, He's doing all in his power to not hurt these outlaws, but how does that fit in with the entire game. I have a feeling he's playing stage magician himself. Distracting us all from the obvious.

She found the temptation to 'stalk' to the music almost overwhelming. 'Kirk Does it Again,' Trixie doesn't think that sounds like religious music, Trixie thought, Unless they have the weirdest churches imaginable.

Pinkie was laying out the tools and parts when she heard somepony knocking on the door to the shed, her secret workshop. For an instant she considered acting like no one was there, but she'd been making enough noise that anything with ears could have heard her. She sighed. "Coming," she called, trying to sound her usual happy self.

Sunshine was out there, and he nodded to her. "The Cakes mentioned that you sometimes putter around here after the breakfast rush."

"Uh, yes," Pinkie said nervously.

"Is that a flying machine?" the old griffon asked and walked up to the rebuilt Pinkie Flier.

He actually likes it? Pinkie wondered as the griffon looked at the blades and the pedals.

"I'd heard some pony in Ponyville had actually built one, I am glad it was you," the griffon said.

"Really?" Pinkie asked, and fought back her grin so she wouldn't scare him. From the Big Guy's reaction to her, she realized she could overwhelm people, and that some liked her as quiet and thoughtful.

He walked around the Pinkie Flier, touching it here and there, and giving an occasional brief smile. "Yes, I fooled around with a completely different design as a fledgling. I was a late flier, like your friend Fluttershy. I thought if I could build a machine, I could figure out what I was doing wrong. I never got it to fly, but I did figure out what I was doing wrong with my wings."

"Oh," Pinkie said. Her nervousness at having someone else examining and judging her toys kept her from her usual boisterous enthusiasm.

"I have sent for my papers. Perhaps if I still have the old designs, you and I could go over them. It was two large blades, rather than your blade and rotor design."

"Did they rotate the same way?" Pinkie asked.

"No, I fixed that early on. But I could never make the gears work for very long," he admitted as he ran a claw over the blades of the rotor.

"I saw a picture of one in one of the Big Guy's books, but it had two rotors separately on the body. It made it look like a flying banana, but it worked," Pinkie said.

"Should we go over to the library and look at the papers?" the griffon said.

"Sure," Pinkie said, brightening considerably, "Ah, you sent for your papers?"

"Our diplomats were unhappy I didn't win," he explained, "So I was exiled here. Temporarily. Best thing really."

"Oh," Pinkie said and grinned, "I can throw you a welcome to Ponyville party!"

"I perhaps can teach you how to throw a low-key party, enhance your skills and expand your repertoire."

"Getting a little fast on our first date aren't you?" Pinkie teased.

"I am a perfect gentleman, I assure you," he replied and took a haughty pose.

Pinkie giggled, and the griffon smiled slightly.

"What do you think of the little prank war that's been going on?" Pinkie asked as they headed towards the library. "I think it's Rainbow Dash, but she says it's me."

"Has anyone considered it is the Big Guy?" Sunshine asked, "Stress can make people do strange things."

"True," Pinkie replied, "So you've met Twilight at the capital."

"Twikky Tickey Boom Boom?" the griffon said and rolled his eyes, "Oh yes." The pair shared a laugh.

The pair looks more like a pair of snakes trying to strangle each other, Tom noted of Celestia and Discord sleeping peacefully.

Celestia woke first, enjoying the warmth and feeling of being held, then realized who was doing the holding. Fury vanished to be replaced by terror as she remembered what she'd done the previous night. Discord woke as soon as Celestia started moving, and helped her disentangle her mane and tail from his spikes and horns.

"Discord, I -" Celestia said as she stared at him in terror.

"Nothing happened that had a permanent effect on me." He said, taking advantage of her near paralysis to sneak a kiss on her forehead. "Of course, I can now say you treated me like crap. Poor Tom is never going to get those stains out."

Celestia fought unsuccessfully against a smirk. "I also seem to remember you saying you deserved it."

"And I will admit, I did," Discord said, "Being on the receiving end of helplessness at the hands of someone truly capricious has opened my eyes to how your ponies must have felt."

Celestia bowed her head. "I didn't intend for any of this to happen."

"Then quit trying to stage-manage it. You're smarter than this. If you really wanted him gone, then blast him. If the Elements wouldn't do it, then turn him to stone with a cockatrice. Or use a dozen guards with crossbows, or vaporize him yourself. Or just let him be. You keep trying to turn this to your own advantage. It was already completely to your advantage. Nightmare and Tirek started trying to get his help to deal with me, by the time they released me, they were certain they'd need me to deal with him," Discord said, "Congratulations, you have the perfect sword to dangle over everybody's head that everybody already thinks you have but aren't dangling. And he can also be the goodwill ambassador for you. If someone displeases you, he can go talk to them and negotiate, with the threat in their mind that he'll exterminate them if they step out of line."

"How can you even think like that?" Celestia asked.

"How can you not?" Discord asked, "Like it or not, that's how you maintain your hegemony over the other empires. Celestia the White was only the gentle half of Nightmare Moon. And that you defeated her so soundly, the ponies may have forgotten, but the griffons and dragons never did."

"So I would just put another monster for them to fear in my place," Celestia said despondently.

"But a monster you could trust," Discord told her, he sighed like a silly filly in a saddle-ripper, "And all he needs is your friendship." His tone returned to sarcastic normal, "Too bad you don't actually believe that drivel. It might have actually worked on him."

"What?" Celestia.

"They speak Equestrian in 'What'?" Discord asked, while wearing a poofy wig. "What is, that he was lost, frightened and confused, beset by ponies on all sides, and as the God-Queen, you could have cleared them out, gone in, done a little tea and hugging, and let him adjust to the new world slowly. No, it was hammer him into a pony shape from the first." Discord stood up and stamped around. "If you couldn't do it for his sake, why not for you own. When you had no way to deny how lonely you are, you went even more nutso that Twilight Spackle did. He didn't know you were the queen, all he would know is you are a merely friendly horse in a land full of overly friendly ponies. You didn't even have to talk, you could have played chess or cards or done math puzzles together, but half-an-hour a day and you would have had the release and support you both needed. But no, you turned him over to Spackle the Unrelenting and your sister who can't bear to think she might be surpassing you!"

Celestia recoiled at the furious outburst from the Draconequus.

Discord visibly controlled himself. Steam stopped wafting out of his ears, and he went from cherry red all over to his normal coloring. He snapped his fingers and Celestia was lying on a leather couch. Discord was seated in an overstuffed leather bound chair.

"Ve tak aboot, oh hang the accent, we'll talk about your childhood. Does anyone besides Luna know what a wild child you were? Or have you always been just the serene Highness with a prankish sense of humor?"

"They don't know."

"So you go from a hell raiser I would have loved to hang out with, to desperately trying to be the most boring pony in Equestrian history. Ironically, I know what happened. You only seem to be aware of events."

"And how would you become an expert in me?" Celestia said sweetly.

"Two bachelors, having woman troubles, with the same woman, but from opposite sides of the spectrum. Of course we'd talk about you and Celly," Discord said dismissively, "And there's only one thing that explains both of your behaviors. You're both terrified of adolescence."

Celestia cocked her head and stared at him.

"Think about it. Celly's doing what you did, and what she did a thousand years ago, trying to become a 'grown-up' as fast as possible. The fastest way is have a foal. That's what both of you did, and that's what Celly is doing again. You, on the other hoof, are afraid of what he'll do to your ponies, to wit, change them from frightened children, to adolescents, to adults. You're afraid he's going to take your entire civilization through the agonies of adolescence, and you want to put a stop to it."

"That's preposterous!" Celestia insisted, "And I've groomed Twilight and Cadence through their troubled times to do much more than anyone could ever expect."

Discord seemed to be dry washing his hands. He spoke with reluctance. "I think you will find that Shining Armor and Sir Eagle Belle did that job with Cadence, and the 'Mane 6' did that job with Twilight. You took them to the brink, but not that one last step. Because you couldn't see anyway of becoming a mare, except the way you did. The way he did. Surrounded by dead friends and the enemy coming at you from all sides. And that is what happened to Twilight. But not Cadence. She was the daughter Twilight and Armor's family raised. She came to it more slowly, more gently. That was, is, his plan for Equestria. He's raised his own children, some of his own grandchildren, and his youngest sister. All of them grew into exactly the kind of people you'd want your ponies to be. That's why you're trying to drive him out. You don't want your ponies traumatized into adulthood like you and Luna were. And I apologize for my part in that. But you also can't accept that this pitiful alien without magic or a thousand years of love and adoration, just might do successfully, what you've been terrified to even try to do for a millennium. Cadence and Twilight aren't the daughters you raised. Luna is, and still it took Twilight and her friends to finish the job you started."

Celestia stared at Discord as he withdrew. He has to be lying, he has to be, Celestia thought desperately, This can't be what's really happening. I'm not like that. Celly's not like that. It's his plan.

In the throne room of Equestria, under the gaze of the compassionate Solar Diarch, in full sight of her sun and guards, murder was being plotted by a dozen minds. The small circle of nobles grimaced and grit their teeth as the confused suppliants came to them instead of the Diarch herself. Over their shoulders, the Solar Diarch radiated her beneficence and tolerance down on them. If not for the ever-present and very observant guards, regicide would have been a distinct possibility.

"You see, her hayfries taste exactly like mine!" one irrate chef told one trio of nobles as other trios worked other cases throughout the room.

"You coat yours with sesame flour, I fry mine in sesame oil," the other chef replied, "It's not hard to believe they'd taste similar." She turned to the trio of nobles. "So there's no reason for this case to even be brought."

"You're stealing my business," the first said, "That's why the suit is being brought. You heard, she stole my secrets and figured out a way to copy them. She's deliberately infringing on my signature taste."

"Your restaurant is on the south side of Canterlot. Mine is on the east. Nopony is going to spend forty minutes walking to your restaurant for lunch, when they can reach mine in five. Just like the reverse. I don't get business from the south side because they go to yours."

The leader of the trio looked over at Celestia, who simply beamed back at him. In an even darker mood he thought, Why can't I just roll both of these fools in sesame flour and fry them alive in sesame oil, to see if they'd taste alike.

"I'm certain that similarities in taste are not uncommon," one of the other nobles said firmly, "Unfortunate but true. As long as your restaurants stay separated, I see no problem with you both existing."

"But if I want to expand?" the flourer asked, his whining tones grated on everypony.

"There are the north and the west, as well as many other cities," the leader offered.

The flourer looked aghast. "Offer those uncultured palates such a delicacy?" he asked. The horror on his expression in marked contrast to the oiler's calculation.

Maybe this job isn't so bad. I'll be impartial, but there is still money to be made, the leader realized.

"I think we are in agreement," the last of the trio said, "As the situation stands now, there is no conflict."

"I will appeal this to Celestia herself!" the flourer demanded.

"That is part of the standard procedure," the leader said, and the five ponies approached the throne.

The leader looked at Celestia's grin and wanted to punch her so badly he could taste it over the horrific aftertaste of the two brands of hayfries. I always hated sesame anyway, he thought as the quietest of the trio approached the throne and laid out a thumbnail of the case and their decision.

Celestia nodded. "Well done, my little ponies," she told them and grinned.

The chefs went away, one grumbling, the other heading towards the leader's secretary for further consultation.

"Whatever we did to deserve this," the quiet one murmured to his two comrades, "Let's either find out and make recompense, or slit our bellies after lunch."

"Anything but hayfries," the leader said, then brightened, "What about that recipe her Highness won the contest with. I heard some of the chefs have figured it out."

"Eat with the rabble?" the second noble scoffed.

"Just once. Besides, franchise rights?" the leader said. The visions of bits dancing before them warred with snobbery. None of them knew it, but they'd been chosen for the day's experiment, because their entrepreneurial spirit would tear their snobbery a new one in each of these three ponies, as well as every other nobles in the test.

They all missed faux-Celestia's grin as three venture capitalist were born. Without ever realizing the midwife had it all planned.

"Why did you decide to watch this?" Woona asked as she ducked back behind the sofa so she couldn't see the images on the cinema machine. The ottoman stacked in front of the sofa seemed an inadequate barrier.

Why are we watching this? Celestia in the Big Guy asked Discord.

"I made a mistake, Black Lagoon, Creature from the Black Lagoon they're similar," Discord said.

"Go out and get the remote to turn this off!" Celly ordered.

"I didn't drop the remote when the shooting started! You get it!" Woona shouted back over the gunfire in full surround sound.

How long is this show anyway? Celestia asked.

"I think the last episode on this disk is Hansel and Gretel, that's a fairy tale, so that should be a calm time to go get the remote," Discord told her, "Just another couple of episodes."

Didn't you say the kids tipped the old witch into an oven? Celestia asked.

"Yes, but that can't be worse than what's going on now," Discord replied.

"We could have been watching that western, Cowboy Bebop, but nooo," Woona accused.

"Keep talking, then I can't hear what's going on on the screen," Celly replied.

Luna had taken the day court for a while, and with Selene, oversaw the new experiment. Only approving or disapproving the decisions of a commission of nobles. Faux-Celestia was walking down the stairway, past the Ponyville door. Three feet of steel reinforced concrete had been violently shoved aside, and the door at the very bottom of the hall stood open.

This is not the smartest thing I've ever done, the Big Guy thought, But if I want answers, this is where to get them.

Beyond the door was a lake, the surface's glassy smoothness disturbed by the occasional ripple.

Assuming those came from a point source, they are from a long way away, he thought, then looked deep into the water. A set of railroad tracks led from a dozen feet from the door and disappeared in the distance. The clarity of the water was amazing. As he looked around, he noted islands in the distance. Those aren't islands far away, he thought as his eyes adjusted to the light, Those are individual pillars coming out of the water. Some are brick, some are marble, all are broken off near the surface. He squinted and saw that further on, the pillars climbed higher. He put a hoof down on the surface of the water, and when it merely dimpled the water, put more and more of Celestia's weight on it.

"Okay, Discord should love this place, but he only teasingly mentioned it, like he was afraid of it." He stepped onto the water and began walking. " 'When you go home tonight, you must take the long way home.'" He quoted the opening of the Supertramp song. He started at a canter, then transitioned into a full gallop. The water easily supported Celestia's body. He stayed above the railroad tracks just to be safe.

When the railroad simply stopped, he extended Celestia's wings and took to the air. There was an 'island' a short distance away. I should be able to navigate back, assuming someone doesn't rearrange the topography.

The island was a Tuscan column with a base set on a weathered brick foundation. He landed beside it, and realized he'd misjudged the distance and the scale. The column was over a hundred feet in diameter and seemed to reach up into the sky.

If this place drove Discord mad, he thought as he placed Celestia's hoof on the pillar, and then another, a third and finally was standing sideways on the barrel of the column. He set Celestia's body to cantering up the side of the column. The bell of the column was quite a distance. He paused on the assent, from this level, he could see a long ways. I also see the pattern to the columns. This one was part of an arcade, but the capping arches have fallen away, along with whatever they supported. Those are clearly to support an entablature, but it's missing. And those in the distance, whose must be huge. They must have supported the outermost structures. But what was this place? It couldn't have been a structure on Equestria. It's too huge. Gravity seems a surface phenomenon, and those were clearly railroad tracks right down to the wood ties and the spikes. He looked around. What is this place?

Rested and curiosity inflamed, he had Celestia's body gallop to the bell at the top of the column. What he saw there confirmed some of his suspicions ever since he'd heard that Tartarus could be reached from near Ponyville.

The skeleton was massive, curled tightly in on itself, it still covered the top if the pillar. It was a true chimera. As he flew over it, he saw the body and head were horselike, but the neck was a humanoid torso, with four limbs arranged in pairs. The tail was the body of a snake as large as the largest python he'd ever heard of, save it had no less than six pairs of arms. Human, something clawed like a bear's, a set that suggested flippers, another the seemed a bird's wings, but far too small and inconveniently placed to lift such a creature. The last was another set of additional snakes, these being typical limbless structures.

Okay, that makes no sense, just a series of long, thin bones with no digits at the end, he thought as he flew close and examined them. Like a tail, but those are made of vertebrae, not femurs and tibias, he thought, And what's holding it together, the ligaments are long gone, unless it's a carving of some kind. From this vantage, he could see the tops of several other pillars, yet none of them had a skeleton or any remains perched atop them.

"Confused?" a little girl asked, standing within the human torso's rib cage.

Considering she's speaking English, I should be, he thought.

"Not really. After you accept that this place is impossible, you accept it as it comes," he told her.

She shied away for a moment. "You aren't Celestia! What are you doing here?"

"Talking to a little girl who pops up in the middle of a giant skeleton. And no, I'm mentally not Celestia, She swapped minds, without my permission and much to my displeasure."

"You should go, it was not you who were invited," she said fearfully.

"So, I guess that nixes the idea that you are the Seekers I've been hearing about."

The little girl burst out laughing. "The Seekers, us? Would the Seekers have allowed this?" She swept her arms to point at the cyclopean ruins surrounding them on all sides. "Would the Seekers have permitted what passes on Equestria to come to pass?" She laughed heartily some more.

Go from 'flee before he comes' to laughing at the naif, he thought, Interesting.

"No! He comes! Hide!" And the little girl was gone.

One half-kiloton total conversion weapon in the corner pocket, he thought as a pegasus so large faux-Celestia looked like a Dinky would compared to Celestia herself, except this one was built more like the white stallion with the tiny wings.

"You were not summoned," the pegasus said, "Where is Celestia?"

"Not available. She swapped minds with me. If you want to speak with her, I can take you to where she is."

I'm not bringing anyone here without some heavy magic, especially flight powers. I have the Alicorn Amulet, but I don't think I want to teach her how to use that, he thought, then concentrated on the pegasus, and elements that he could swear were anomalies like bad CGI, or mistakes in animated cartoons. I've seen those inconsistencies outside, but I always thought it was a side-effect of the magic and my own mental state. With those under control, I shouldn't be seeing this. And unless he's from the Fluttershy school of flight, those wings should have scoured the top of this pedestal already, me included.

"You will fetch her," the pegasus thundered.

"Old man, why don't you drop the disguise and the attitude, and let us talk? The Titans were greater than the gods, and for me all Titans are good for is NRO launches."

He had Celestia pick up a bit of dust from the pedestal. The spell flashed it way. In the distance, he set up a paradox with one solution. Two bits of matter cannot coexist in the same piece of space-time, but two quanta of energy can. The Einstein equation described the elegant solution. And the little girl and the massive pegasus stared at the fireball in the distance.

"Now that the preliminaries are over, why don't we talk? I have been jerked around by every piece of fluff on this planet, except Discord," faux-Celestia said, "I am rapidly losing my good disposition. I'm like John Sheridan, I'm willing to talk and reach an accommodation in good faith with darn near anybody, but you would not like me when I'm angry."

"Imminent worm, my power spans this world and beyond, what do you have that can compare?" the pegasus thundered.

Oh come on, I can see your disguise! he thought angrily.

"You also have a very bad case of the stupids," faux-Celestia said.

"Is it over?" Celly peaked over the couch at the screen showing the DVD's credits.

"Less Talk! More acting!" Woona shouted as she darted out, hit the stop on the remote, hit the power off button, then unplugged the player from the wall. She fell onto her back. "Somepony tell me how watching that was supposed to be fun!?"

"I enjoyed it," Discord said to Celestia in the Big Guy's mind.

Why am I standing here, when that show gave me so many good ideas? Celestia thought in reply.

"Uh, 'Tia, joke. You know funny, ha ha?" Discord said as he walked after the mare, "Just some teasing between friends."

Celestia turned and laughed at him. He decided to quit following her.

"I have the visas for Abu Dhabi, and our luggage packed," Tom said as he dropped off a pile of suitcases, "I think we can get there before she's finished."

"Good plan," Discord said as he, Tom and the suitcases vanished.

The little girl whimpered under Celestia's wing. The little, ancient pegasus who looked like Derpy's grandfather lay among the bones of the corpse. He was also crying, but was too frightened to come out.

"The city of pillars, like a version of what you have here, only with the roof still on," Faux-Celestia said.

"Hippoastrumpolis, Star Horse City of the pre-empire," the ancient pegasus screamed in agony.

"A place that looks like the ruins of Dream Valley," faux-Celestia said.

"Dream Valley, gone, with all it's dreams and ponies," the little girl snuffled.

Faux-Celestia gathered her more tightly against her flank and let the girl cry her heart out. "Another door is underwater, I couldn't go very far," faux-Celestia said and waited for a reaction from either.

I think I over did it, the Big Guy considered, I guess I just have to wait.

"Is there more?" the ancient pegasus said as he approached, "More evidence we've been fools and dupes for a thousand years or more?"

"There's the sidedoor to the garage, a city preserved ice," faux-Celestia said, "That's all I found in the Deep House."

The ancient pegasus prostrated himself. Faux-Celestia immediately collected him and placed him next to the girl under his wing. He felt the old ponies quiet sobs.

"There is still power there," the old pegasus said, "If you could find it. I offer all I have."

"I will do it, what I ask is you forgive me for the pain I've caused you," faux-Celestia said and hugged them tight, "I came seeking answers, I had no idea they would hurt you all so badly."

"Serving mere echos for untold time, is a pain that cannot be erased," the little girl said, "We have failed."

"There are ponies who will need you desperately, very shortly. Give up on your old masters, what you know, what you can do is needed. I assure you," faux-Celestia said, "I really will take Celestia the message. Or she's just outside the door and down a short - corridor," faux-Celestia called in her most soothing tone.

I almost said hallway, that would have been bad, he thought, I have to start remembering to bring a book and a thermos of tea for these little excursions. The waiting is the worst part.

"Hello?" Dinky called as she came through the front door. "Is anypony home?" She didn't hear any of the various machines washing clothes or dishes. She didn't hear dinner being prepared. She didn't hear any chatter that seemed to be as much a pony characteristic as breathing.

This isn't right, she thought as she crept in, closing the door as quietly as she could. She stood in the front hallway and listened as hard as she could. Nothing, she thought as she walked in.

The bright numbers on the cinema machine were off, and the plug was out of the wall. The lights were off in the living room and the kitchen, and she heard no one moving about. The ottoman was overturned and she looked at the small space behind it. Big enough for a pony, she thought, and looked at the ladder and the bookcase, Nothing wrong there. She slipped among the furniture and looked at the cavern out the back door, while occasionally glancing behind her. I don't like this, she thought as she briefly considered getting the team of soldiers at Nistag's lab to help search the place. She ignored that to check deeper into the house.

"At least you're still here," she told Hotaru as the big dog slept on the laundry room floor, lost in a doggy dream she was obviously enjoying.

Dinky searched the other rooms in the house, but found no evidence of anypony else in the rooms, the closets, or even in the garage.

As she returned from the last, she realized she'd woken up Hotaru. "Sorry, you were really enjoying your dream," she said.

The huge dog seemed to smile, and again, as soon as she started wagging her tail, she'd look at it as if it were an alien creature who'd attached itself to her. It always made Dinky laugh.

The dog nudged her out of the laundry room and into the guest bedroom. There Hotaru pointed a paw at the hatch in the ceiling.

"Why are they hiding in the attic?" Dinky asked.

The dog replied with a quizzical expression and returned to the laundry room.

"I guess I cook dinner," Dinky realized and headed for the kitchen.

Luna raced through the open door, and looked around the rather modest home, and the three people having tea. She had gone from terrified to completely confused as fast as she'd decelerated. "The, the, and the," she gestured, to indicated the massive and unearthly ruins that had previously occupied the space behind the door.

"Very difficult to have a proper conversation there," faux-Celestia said, and sipped her tea.

The little, human girl looked at her. "She really is Luna. Welcome back Luna!" she told the Lunar Diarch cheerfully, "We have the kind of tea you used to like so much." She pouted. "I understand you can't get it any more."

"That is what we were discussing. Ancient history, forgotten prophesies, all the good stuff," faux-Celestia said.

Luna stared, then took the seat that hadn't been there a moment before.

"We aren't the Seekers, despite what you and Celestia had convinced yourselves of. Just what's left of the last time," the pegasus said. Luna thought he looked like Derpy Hooves' grandfather.

"Last time?" Luna asked, sipped her tea, and encountered a taste she was sure was lost beneath the ice and snow of the ponies' first home land. It was all she could do to drink it slowly, before letting faux-Celestia refill her cup.

"I wish you wouldn't treat the prophesies so disrespectfully," the old pegasus said.

"If they were any good, they'd have mentioned me," faux-Celestia said, "Sloppy work invites criticism. But you do agree, with my interpretation of events."

"Yes," the girl and pegasus intoned. Then looked thoroughly disgusted.

"I'm an engineer. I also did a fair amount of contract work. It's my job to figure out how to make things work, physically and legally," faux-Celestia said, "You asked about 'Last Time', evidently your world has existed before. At some point it stops, and later it restarts. Sometimes similar, sometimes different. My own world has a similar concept, the Heartbeat of Brahma, and the Big Bang/Big Crunch. It seems that one of those cycles is, was coming up. It isn't now."

"What did you do?" Luna asked.

"You have no need to know," faux-Celestia said, "You didn't have the contract with these people, the Solar Diarch did. You get the world of dreams, and she got the world of higher realities. It does explain things, with humans, dreams are how we reach for the greater realities. Waking dreams and somnambulant dreams. Anyway, on a topic you should be more interested in. You still object to my plans against those bandits?"

"Of course I do, and so will Celestia," Luna said, feeling reality back under her hooves for a moment.

"Well then, sign this," faux-Celestia said and hooved over a paper. "I know you don't approve of executions, and the Element of Harmony won't work on me. So that seems to be the strongest option you have left."

"This is a writ of exile," Luna asked as she skimmed it, "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Sign it," faux-Celestia said, "You object to what I have planned, when I switch back, and carry it out. You toss my ass out of your country. It's as simple as that."

"I thought you were going to keep Celestia's form, leave her trapped in yours," Luna said.

Faux-Celestia's horn glowed, and Luna's hoof came down on the document. "Thank you. Talking with these two changed my mind. You need Celestia back, the real one. And I have other things I need to look into that have been neglected far too long." Faux-Celestia collected the paper. "And I don't need either of you."

"What?"

Faux-Celestia hovered the paper. "You object? Then take it, tear it up. I won't stop you. This is put up or shut up time. You want me to bow and scrape and do whatever you want. I won't do it. Now either you're going to punish me for my defiance, or you're just going to whine about it. Let me remind you, I lived on my own, without you, without your sister and without all your little ponies. I don't need you, and I'm sick of pretending I don't resent the Hell out of the little games you and your sister play."

Luna stared at the paper, and the thing in her sister's body. Then the paper moved and slid into the satchel faux-Celestia carried.

"Fine, that's done. You get your sister back, and I get out from under your thumb. And don't hold Selene hostage, if you wanted me to be a part of her life you might have brought her into my life, or let me into hers, but instead you and your sister decided to place games. By the way. I learned there'll be an invasion of Canterlot in the future. Supposedly, I was prophesied to destroy the queen leading the invasion. Considering I'm not going to be around, maybe the invasion won't even take place. If it does, you'd better be on your best game. Because I am not going to rescue you and your sister. Maybe Discord might, but I am going to be free of this place, free of Celestia's little games, and free of you. Maybe I am in Hell. The way I've been treated sure points that way. Enough good people to think I might build something and give me hope, only to have someone a lot more powerful steal it all away. If the game is to play take away, I'll throw it all in the fire and walk away."

"Are you going to burn down your house, your library?" Luna asked.

"Why should I? I could give you every secret I know, and a hundred years, and what would you make of it?" faux-Celestia asked, "You and your sister, not a thing. Maybe some of your subjects might, but that's just hoping."

"If you hate us so much why don't you just leave?" Luna demanded.

"Why leave, when you can be thrown out. Like I said, politics. 'Celestia' beat the griffon's challenge so badly no one will ever try that again, and in reply, the griffons' food supply mushrooms over night. Then with the diarchy having sole rights to determine my fate, they exile me. No other nation will touch me as long as I live."

"Why do you sound happy about that?" Luna asked, "Not happy, triumphant."

"Because I win. If you can't see that, then nothing I can do will make it clear. You have the perfect balance you wanted. Exact parity with your beloved sister, not a single hoof step ahead. And the one thing that might have cast your sister down, or catapulted you ahead, gone," faux-Celestia said, still in a jovial tone, "Congratulations. You'll get exactly what you want, in exactly the way you want it. Not many get such a wish granted."

Faux-Celestia turned to the girl and the pegasus. "Thank you for the tea. I'll miss this place. Remember what I said." She stood and left.

Luna bowed and followed her.

"What now?" Luna demanded.

"That's no longer your concern," faux-Celestia said, she whistled a song as she walked.

Despite the jaunty attitude, the song sounded more like a dirge.

"What is that?" she asked.

"It's called 'Yesterday' by the Beatles. You can ask Princess Celestia for the words," faux-Celestia said and began whistling the sad, but catchy tune as they two alicorns walked back to the throne room.

Blueblood noted the mine advancing steadily. The guards on the palisade might as well have been blind and deaf. He felt exhausted after the day's shows, casting the concealment spells and going over the details of the plan to find any flaws he, Trixie or the Big Guy had missed.

He could just hurl rocks at them from here, but he won't. I wonder why? To safe guard the hostages? To prove something to somepony? Theater? Blueblood wondered. He retreated to a small shed, also concealed with the spells, to rest and sleep. The mine was well ahead of schedule despite having hit the boundary of the antimagic field and being left with swinging picks to cut through the packed earth.

Not tomorrow, but early the next day, Blueblood thought, And then we shall see.

Selene looked at the ruined blockade, and the open door at the bottom of the steps. I would never have thought to just slice through that knot, she thought, Now everyone is free to move again. But is that what mom and auntie want?

She looked at the interior of the home. The young Earth pony doing dishes, and the older pegasus in a rocking chair. "Hello, may I come in?" she asked, she'd seen where intruding unannounced had gotten her aunt and mother.

The Earth Pony filly looked up from her chores, and looked at Selene. The downcast filly immediately brightened. "Are you one who needs our help?" she asked as she dried her hooves and trotted over.

"Maybe, I don't know really," Selene replied, "Your door was open, so I came in to check."

"To check if you need help?" the Earth Pony asked and grinned, "Oh, I'm Spinner." She showed her loom cutie-mark. "He's Mister Tenth, and not in a very good mood."

"People to have that happen when encountering the Big Guy," Selene said.

"That's who is in Celestia?" Spinner asked. "What were they thinking? What was she thinking?"

"I think I don't know what she was thinking, but it wasn't the best thing to be thinking," Selene said, "But I think there's going to be a lot more thinking before the whole thing wraps up."

Spinner stared at her. "So, what kind of help do you need?"

"Do you know any games?" Selene asked.

Spinner stared at her and Mr. Tenth raised his head to add his stare to the mix.

Sergeant Milestone was used to summons by royalty. As a stallion who'd gained a reputation for staying calm and reasonable in the face of nearly any provocation, he was often called upon to back up more hot-headed officers, or on extremely delicate missions.

He had never expected the particular mission from Princess Celestia of all ponies.

"It's quite simple," the Solar Diarch said, "If he disobeys, the Big Guy is to be exiled. He understands this, and the threat hasn't altered his plans."

"Highness, are you sure this is not simply a bluff or a misunderstanding? Our languages have translation errors. Even the written cannot be translated perfectly."

"Don't do this or you'll be punished is clear enough," Celestia said.

He admired both her solidness, and how brokenhearted she seemed by it.

"Yes Highness, gently, I assume," he said.

"Firm but gentle. He's losing his home, all his friends and everything he values. Also, I would appreciate if you never brought up this before me or my sister. And if you overhear others discussing it, please do not participate. It will be hard enough, without being reminded by one who actually knows."

"I understand, no I don't, but I will obey. I have about a dozen ponies who can help. Two days after the event," Milestone said, "That's not a lot of time."

"It should be more than sufficient," she told him.

"Are you afraid he'll burn everything?" he asked.

"I suspect that he'll simply cede the home and its contents to the Apples and leave. He is very afraid of me," she told him.

"I will do my best. I thought the lad would have been smarter than this," Milestone said, lamenting that things had gone this far.

Day 48

Celestia woke inside the Big Guy's mind. Discord was curled up a little ways away. It's a bit strange, having him watch me sleep, yet he doesn't do anything. She glanced at the stone sentinel.

"Are you the chaperone?" she asked. Somehow she could tell Tom had turned his attention from Discord, to her.

"Watching out for both of you," he replied.

Celestia glanced around, then her eyes fell on the huge drum. "Tom's tom-tom?" she asked.

Discord was awake and seemingly alarmed. "Uh, no. Just a little joke between me and the audience. Nothing to worry about. We weren't even going to play it. We weren't!" he insisted.

Celestia left that as an example of Discord being Discord. The drum itself was superbly made. "Can I play it?"

"Certainly," Discord said, "She's playing it! Not me!"

"Discord," Tom said, "I think we've beaten that joke to death."

"With a drum to beat, you're beating a joke," Celestia said and giggled. "You always overdo it, if you learned to appreciate others' creativity, you might be happier with yourself."

"Very well, here," Discord said and snapped his fingers.

"What did you do to my tail?" Celestia asked. Glaring at Discord and the strands, almost braids, her tail had been converted into.

"Just try it," Discord offered, "Hit the drum with your tail. Gently."

Celestia looked at him and did as requested. And stared at the drum, marveling at the sound.

"Right back at you. There's a huge amount to learn from others," Discord said, "And I am learning."

"Maybe I should teach you a few other things," Celestia said as she brushed her tail over the skin of the drum and listened. She grinned and levitated one of the padded mallets and began playing.

"Told you," Discord whispered to Tom as he waited, and actually grinned. Not his often arrogant sneer, by a calm smile watching someone else enjoy themselves.

With full wakefulness, Woona remembered the horrible cinema they'd watched the day before. She was still a little jumpy about loud noises. "Do you think that's how humans really fight?" she asked her big sister.

Celly seemed more thoughtful than she had any right to be after that movie. "Have you seen the Big Guy do any of those things?"

"No," Woona asked.

"I've got a question for you," Celly said.

"Go ahead," Woona said.

Anything to distract me from remembering those poor children, Woona said and shuddered.

"Why did he react to the cinema he bought and has presumably seen before?" Celly asked, "And yes, I'm thinking about that to distract me from how disturbing it was."

I think I'll go back to thinking about the cinema, Woona thought, but watched the Big Guy more closely.

"Because he was reliving some of his problems?" Woona offered.

"Really?" Celly said, "I think we need to keep a closer eye on him. But I wonder if something else is going on."

Woona nodded. At least something to think about, Woona considered, Besides the show.

Celestia watched the Big Guy's hands go through the motions of loading the stripper clips and the magazines. If she just let it happen, the hands and fingers seemed to do most of the work. If she tried to duplicate the movements, the motions were clumsy. She was taking all these as ready ammunition. She had some food and water, a spare set of socks, and some warmer clothes.

He's going to do something, probably today or tomorrow. Considering that Derpy is going on 'vacation' everything has to happen before then, she thought as she checked over the last of the supplies, If even Luna agreed to declare those villains 'outlaw' then the guard must be planning to move. And he doesn't seem to know or care what a risk open combat is. He's heard the Hearths Warming Eve stories, he knows what a major field action would mean, and yet, he's planning something. I have to be there.

Once out in the corridor to Ponyville, she saw Hotaru, Celly and Woona waiting. None of them seemed likely to be put off, and all were equipped for a journey. "I guess I can't put anything over on you."

"Hardly," Hotaru said, "You aren't going to charge off into danger, without us. We've all heard about Nistag's anti-alicorn monster, and how you tripped it."

The stallion-sized dog that had once been Nightmare approached. "You've been acting more crazy that usual. Even your scent is filled with fear and combat, without you appearing afraid, or fighting anything."

"It's been a hard couple of days," Celestia said.

Do they know it isn't him in here? Celestia wondered.

"Keep your excuses," Hotaru said as she walked behind the Big Guy and slipped her head between his legs, dropping the Big Guy's body astride her shoulders. "You wanna get there, fine, I wanna really run."

Hotaru walked towards the door, and out into the small park outside of Ponyville. She took a deep breath, and swelled up to the size of a bear.

"Discord said I'd have an equalizer," Hotaru said, "What an equalizer, put your arms around my neck. Let's run!"

Celestia barely had time to command her borrowed limbs to do exactly that, before Hotaru took off at a dead run.

Once they'd left the corridor, faux-Celestia slipped through the door to the royal chambers. Faux-Celestia touched the door posts carefully and concentrated, then with the other door. Faux-Celestia watched the doors fade away. It'll take Discord himself to restore those. And by that time, I'll be long gone, the alicorn thought, and trotted out of the corridor and out into Ponyville.

The post office was closing down, faux-Celestia spotted Derpy. The mailmare bowed.

"Dinky and I are all packed," Derpy said, "Are you sure he'll want to go on a vacation?"

Faux-Celestia smiled. "I think he will. History is a passion of his." She leaned down and whispered, "Or you can convince him. He's very curious you know."

Derpy chuckled, then bowed again. Faux-Celestia smiled and turned towards her next destination, Rarity's shop. A few more little details, and then all the solutions are laid out before me. 'Travel to the Uttermost West, and the Solar Diarch shall cease to be.' I cannot believe Celestia fell for that old chestnut. Of course if she simply melted all the ice, it would have caused a global disaster. But a few smaller steps over a century, and the problem is solved. And that stupid ceremony takes the sting out of the rest of the curse. Are human lawyers that devious, or did she just have so much on her plate she never saw the simple solution? the Big Guy inside Celestia's body approached the boutique. I guess adding saddlebags does disguise Her Royal Highness well enough to keep every pony from instantly recognizing her. After all, only working ponies wear saddlebags.

The bell rang, and Rarity called 'Coming', from wherever in the boutique she was. Faux-Celestia simply looked at the failed humanoid figure with the removable internal organs that Rarity had used as a dress maker's dummy for human clothing.

There are a few things and people I'll miss. But if even my own mind isn't safe from plundering, I need to get out of here, he thought and turned to face the unicorn who gasped on sighting faux-Celestia.

"Are they ready?" faux-Celestia asked.

"Yes, I am wondering what they could possibly be for," Rarity said as the bundles levitated over, and a bag of bits levitated over in response.

"Your Highness, your patronage," Rarity began.

"Will not feed you or your sister, keep a roof over your head or your own creditors at bay," faux-Celestia said, "Besides the crown cannot be seen taking advantage of the Element of Generosity."

Rarity decided to let that slide. "I do wish they'd come in for a fitting."

"That would have ruined the surprise. After all," faux-Celestia said, "There are spies everywhere."

Rarity giggled slightly and bowed. "Speaking of spies everywhere, there was a letter Twilight delivered to the Big Guy, she won't talk about it. Did you forbid her to?"

Stardust Sprinkle had arrived, and froze when she saw whom Rarity was talking to.

"No, but it may be getting out of hand. I was hoping the Big Guy would not exceed his authority, but it seems he will," faux-Celestia said, and sighed, "There's a problem that needs solving, but it has to be solved the Equestrian way, not like something out of the Classical Period."

"Does he understand that?" Rarity asked.

"There's understanding, and there's ignoring an order," faux-Celestia said, and passed through the door.

The packages stowed, a quick survey of all the other items for the plan, and faux-Celestia took flight. Once far above Ponyville, the Big Guy let himself grin.

Enjoy the accolades, and you're welcome to them, he thought as he turned towards the Baltimare woods.

Captain Armor and a small detail of troops arrived at the edge of the outer works. "How can they not see us?" he asked the lieutenant with the tripod mounted binoculars.

"This spell would fade the instant it got to the edge of their camp, but they figure nopony would come this close, and just stop," the lieutenant replied.

Armor looked at the 'big ears' listening device and the telescopes and binoculars around him. What are they waiting for? Her Highness was very coy about this operation, and only had me bring in a platoon. That's not enough to assault these bandits, and not enough to dig them out of the old fort, if they make it there.

"Ah, Captain Armor, you got called into the greatest theatrical performance of the age?" Captain Alfalfa of the North Border Fusiliers arrived and shook his hoof. "Crazy idea, damnable thing is it might be crazy enough to work."

"Please give me and my officers a rundown," Armor said.

"The Colonel cast the spells to hide all of this," Alfalfa said and rolled her eyes.

Armor smiled, he knew who 'the Colonel' had to be.

"We've driven a mine over from that hill right under the prisoner paddock, a few feet of earth and the wood floor are all the stands between them and freedom," Alfalfa said, "But we wait for sundown and night. We hit them in the dark, when most of them are sleeping."

Armor groaned. "That's what she meant," he said, "You may be wondering how we're going to get the message to the prisoners."

"It crossed my mind," Alfalfa said.

Armor pointed to the lone Royal Guards pony marching up to the outer defenses. The pony called, "You of the Baltimare Woods bandits. I am Lieutenant Cowslip of the Royal Guard. I have been tasked to inform you that her Highness has informed the Ponyville Monster that you are no longer under her Merciful Highness' protection. To regain that protection, you need only surrender yourselves and accept punishment for your crimes. I await your answer."

Their answer was a large net thrown over the pony, and a dozen toughs charging out and beating the pony, before dragging her into the compound. The two captains exchanged glances. They both knew there would be a reckoning for that.

"Now we have our agent on the inside," Alfalfa said, "If they don't kill her."

"There is that," Armor admitted, "How much trouble would we be in if we just charged that palisade right now?"

"That palisade has a dirt mound behind it," Alfalfa said, "Your sister might be able to throw a boulder big enough to knock a hole in that, but none of us can. Without the enhancements our magic gives us, I don't want to charge that and try and get my troops over it under fire. Not when we have another way. Even if it's toss a manticore into the mine we've dug, and let it out amid the camp. Once those gates open, then I might be willing to charge."

Armor smiled. Despite who their 'Colonel' is, having a force of pros here is reassuring, Armor thought, then watched one of the bandits walk right past the front of the listening post, and off into the treelines.

"Yeah, they get that close, and they don't even see us. Or hear us. Considering how they stink, they don't even smell us," Alfalfa said.

"What happens if they stray off the path?" Armor asked.

"One of our unicorns is also an alchemist. She's got some skunk juice that'll scare off just about anything with a nose," Alfalfa said.

Celestia hadn't felt like this ever. Feeling the powerful muscles of Hotaru, running flat out mile after mile, while she was immersed in the huge dog's soft fur. More importantly, Nightmare seemed to revel in the exertion. The horror of Equestria enjoyed showing off her power to the one she thought was her 'master'.

This isn't a competition, this is the joy of exertion and displaying her power to a loved one, Celestia thought, Is this what she used to draw Luna in? Is this the tiny piece of empathy that she had with my sister?

The dog halted at a small stream, and switched back to her smaller form. 'Celly' trotted up with 'Woona' on her back. The three of them drank heavily from the stream, so Celestia saw the bandits approach first, or she reacted to the bandits first.

Hotaru had arrived at the stream in the dead zone, and was overjoyed at spotting the small pack of skulkers. Good, he's not giving anything away, Hotaru thought as the Big Guy slipped off her back and wandered a good deal more cluelessly that was strictly necessary to draw them in. Celly and Woona arrived and only had eyes for the water, apparently not noticing that the area was in a magic-dead zone. Hotaru reverted to her smaller form to conserve her considerable reserves

I'll finally get to use that stupid speech he made me memorize, Hotaru thought, I swear, if I had to watch that dragon once more, I would have eaten the screen.

"Oh, they must be lost," the largest mare outside the alicorn-sisters said.

Please don't tell me that my delivery made me sound that stupid, Hotaru thought as she waited for the rest of the eight-pony team to reveal themselves.

"Maybe we can escort them home, for a little cash," the small stallion with the mad eyes said, "Bad things live in these woods."

He dies first, Hotaru thought as made sure the idiots were all in the clearing. Then she started laughing.

" 'Bad things?'" Hotaru asked, "You? Ha!" She returned to her enhanced size. "I. Am. Dog!" Each stomp shook the forest floor. "I kill where I wish. I am strong. Strong. STRONG!"

Already the fools are losing heart, Hotaru thought.

"My armor is like tenfold shields." She bared her fangs. "My teeth are like swords." She tore a rock apart. "My claws, spears."

"The shock of my tail." She knocked down a young tree with her tail. "A thunderbolt. My breath, a hurricane." She blew the closest back like the Big Bad Wolf knocking over pigs' houses. "Darn, I was going to tell them what part of me was death," Hotaru said in her disappointment as they ran away shrieking.

She switched to the alien Equestrian the other three spoke. "Okay, you were right, I was wrong. That was lots of fun." She shrank down to her normal size. "But let's get out of this dead zone, before they find their courage and come back with their whole force."

"Good thing is," Celly said, "With you and that act, I don't think they even noticed any of us."

Hotaru grinned and trotted towards the border of the zone. She heard Celly and Woona chuckling but didn't care. It was fun, she mentally replied.

The command post was abuzz with activity as the bandits' camp went to sleep. Armor marveled at the simplicity of the solution of having 'eyes on the prize' this close to the action, and not being discovered by even a cursory sweep.

The trouble with feeling invulnerable, he thought, Makes you careless. We'd better not fall for it.

Some distance away the orchestra was moving in. Both the regiment's and the band from the local theater. This is getting crazier and crazier by the moment, Armor thought as he looked over the camp, Even with guards half-asleep, I still don't like the idea of storming that place.

He looked into the darkness and wondered where Celestia was. Reports had said she'd left hours earlier. Hopefully she's enacting her parts of the plan, he thought, This is too complicated. I know she'd never agree, but charging in there and busting some heads might be the cheaper and easier way to go.

Celly saw Celestia and Milestone standing beside the gold chariot. The fact that Celestia was wearing a set of large saddlebags told her that something very serious was going on.

They would have had a conniption if I'd even mentioned buying saddlebags, let alone wearing them, Celly thought.

Celestia spoke to Hotaru, causing the dog to nearly panic. Then slowly as the explanation went on, the dog calmed down, but Celly felt her anger boiling.

She looked at what she had assumed was the Big Guy, had assumed, and now reading Celestia's lips, she knew the truth.

"Celly," Hotaru spoke.

"I saw it all," Celly said as she stared at the Big Guy, or rather Celestia having stolen the Big Guy's body, "How dare you? How dare you? Have you cast away all decency, or is it because he isn't a pony that you feel you have the right to do as you please? 'All the good for my little ponies', and nothing for anyone who threatens them."

"Celly, I can explain," the Big Guy said, "It was to help him."

"I think it's more important to change them back, than thrash the body he wants to be in," Hotaru said.

Celly stared at the dog.

"Yeah, I can speak both forms of Equestrian, and understand them," Hotaru said, and scratched behind her ear. She looked back at her foot, and it returned to the ground. "It's a simple mind-exchange spell. You can undo it, he or rather they can't."

Celly looked at the Big Guy in Celestia's form. He nodded to her. "This isn't over," Celly said, "Get over there." She gestured with her horn.

The Big Guy looked at her with fear, then at her correct body who regarded the human form with disdain.

"All right," Celly said and let out a breath, "Woona, give me a hand. I'm almost angry enough that this might pain someone. And since one of them doesn't deserve it, I need your help."

"Done," Woona said. The icy tone made Celestia in the Big Guy flinch.

"I was trying -"

"Save it," Woona cut off the human's speech, "You'll distract us."

"No, I want to say something while you can understand me," Celestia in the Big Guy's form said.

The Big Guy in Celestia's form wrapped her mane around the Big Guy's mouth as a gag and made a hurry-up motion with a hoof.

Their horns glowed, and both Celestia and the Big Guy staggered as they resumed their correct minds. While Celestia was reorienting herself, the Big Guy snatched a tube from her decorative pectoral and blew a handful of dust from it into the Diarch's face.

Celestia gasped and collapsed. Milestone charged, only to be confronted by Celly herself. The Big Guy pulled a card from Celestia's saddle bags as he lifted them off. He handed the card to Milestone after showing it to Celly. It read 'Plausible Deniability'.

The old soldier was not happy, but accepted the explanation.

"Lift her into the chariot," the Big Guy ordered, "Gently."

"After what she did?" Celly asked.

"She no longer matters," the Big Guy told her, "I know about your deal with the Seekers for the location of the Tree of Harmony. Because of that, we have options. Vengeance will sort itself out."

Celly relented and lifted the sleeping form of the Diarch into the Solar Chariot.

"Okay, let's go," he said smiling to them. "If you want to take it out on someone, we have a whole slew of sentries to deal with." He pulled two costumes from the saddlebags. "After all, Mare-Do-Well and Batmare are the heros we need."

Celly and Woona hugged him happily. "It really is you!" Woona exclaimed, "I thought you were acting funny, but you were supposed to act a little funny."

"Let's just say I was tempted to simply let her little joke stand, then I found out a few things that are going to need untangling," he said, "But in the meantime, let's go after those bandits. I've got to brief you on the effect of that field. So we've got lots to talk about and not much time to do it."

"I thought you smelled funny," Hotaru said, "You wanna ride?"

"No, you're going to be busy too, so I don't want you to wear yourself out. After all, if my plan doesn't work, you're going to have to rescue us."

The big dog laughed at that.

Captain Alfalfa had seen a lot of ridiculous things in her life with the regiment. She'd even started rating the 'Blueblood insanities' on a scale of 1 to 10 on how stupid they sounded. She could usually pull them into something that wouldn't be a complete disaster with a little effort, so that didn't count. Watching Batmare and Mare-Do-Well taking out the vedettes and then the sentries was about a 15, but like too many other plans from her paymaster, it was working.

"Please tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing," Captain Shining Armor of the normally rational and upstanding Royal Guards facehooved on looking through the binoculars.

"What that Mare-Do-Well and Batmare are taking out the sentries, or the idiots inside have seen it, and aren't raising an alarm?" Alfalfa said, "Oh that's three, Sergeant I don't care how much cider a trooper's had, if anybody downs one of our sentries, I want an alarm raised. I don't care who did it: the Great Pumpkin, Slendermare, or the world's shortest Ursa Major, I want it reported."

"Ma'am," Sergeant Brushroot said and saluted.

"Easy Captain, you're going to throw a shoe," Armor said.

"Captain, your regiment has a long and glorious past, much to be proud of. Those of us in 'Blueblood's Own' can only take pride in our quality as soldiers." She gestured at the scene where a bandit watched Batmare take down the last sentry, and the bandit's reaction was to scratch himself and take a piss against a tree. "That others don't, is personally offensive."

"I assure you," Armor said, "I've never thought of your regiment as anything other than good soldiers of an elite regiment, no matter who your colonel was."

"Thank you. Okay, that's all of them, send word to the sappers, and tell the orchestra 'two minutes'," Alfalfa said, "See? Would the guard ever give an order like that?"

"The Guard is not out in the hinterlands fighting real battles. If the Big Guy is going in there, we're only here for crowd control," Armor said.

"I still haven't heard how he's going to get through that gate," Alfalfa said.

"I'm more worried about the hostages," Armor said, "The guards around them aren't gone."

"Those are our troops, Captain," Alfalfa said. She shook her head and explained, "While the sentries were going down, they, they were replaced by a butterfly."

Armor sighed. "When this works, the first barrel of cider is on me," he said.

Celestia awoke with a pleasured cry. She looked around, and realized the cries she'd been making in her dream had been audible and worrying to her close in guards. The two armored mares kept their stoic, watchful expressions. Their spears held at port-arms. Her tail was straight up in the air and bristling like a thunder head. Her rear hooves were hanging out over the edge of the chariot. She was instantly aware of what it looked like she had been dreaming of. Pity it wasn't, she thought, He has changed so in the last few weeks. I should be jealous, but I really should be grateful.

"Oh guards, long, hard and sharp, am I still dreaming?" she asked, and the two guards blushed from the normal white, and nearly to Cadence's pink.

'What kind of stallion would make the 'Solar Ice Queen' make those kinds of noises?' I can practically hear, Celestia thought as she looked over the guards' stoic expressions, I wonder how far it would spread and who it would scandalize if I told them I was being spanked, and was given good advice. And by whom? She grinned at the thought, further alarming her loyal guards.

"Just someone giving me, ah, good advice on our friend in Ponyville. And a reminder that he's Luna's," she told the guards, and watched their eyebrows disappear under their helmets.

I can't believe the advice was so cogent, and helpful, she thought, I also can't believe we all missed it. Not good, but I will just love seeing Luna's and Cadence's faces when I tell them. I should really include Shining Armor and Sir Eagle Bell. I wonder what it would take to crack the professional reserve of those two?

She snickered as she rose and realized that it was going to take longer than usual to get her tail in condition for her to appear in public. "I think I'll need most of my maids," she told the guards, "And the Royal Hairdresser. But I think you'll have to do."

"Highness," the senior guard said, then looked regretfully at the junior, who took that moment to faint.

"My mane and tail aren't that dirty, are they?" Celestia asked as she pouted.

Tom looked at Discord as he fitted a new paw to his wrist. The paw that had formerly resided there rested in the glass case. "What are you doing?" the stone sphere asked Discord.

"That hand is restricted to a single use," Discord said worshipfully as he looked eagerly at his paw under glass.

"What could you have possibly done that would make you enshrine, what did you do?" Tom demanded.

"I came to understand someone a lot better," Discord said in distracted tone.

"With your hand?" Tom asked, then it dawned on him, "I really don't want to know, do I?"

"Well, not if you want to keep the 'Everyone' rating, but it was what she, er, demanded," Discord said.

"Excuse me," Tom said, "I'm going to go have my brain dry-cleaned. Bleach just won't do it."

Discord sighed happily, "Ah, the things we do for love." He hugged the case to his cheek.

In the bandit camp, the prisoners had been gently prodded awake. They cleared the way for the diggers to cut through the last of the soil and wood floor.

"Everyone who wants to leave, may now do so," Blueblood whispered, "Courtesy of the North Border Fusiliers." His coat was stained to gray and he helped herd the prisoners into the waiting arms of the soldiers who carried them from step to step if they were too feeble or injured to move themselves. If anyone would later ask why he didn't claim credit, he already had an airheaded speech about standing shoulder to shoulder with his soldiers in their hour of need and enough 'glory' tripe to have even the swivel-chair hussars rolling their eyes. But I am here, at this place, at this time, he thought, And nothing is going to take that away.

"Sir," the poor sergeant they tasked as his babysitter said quietly, "They're all in, time to go."

"Don't you want to sortie and just give them a good thrashing?" he asked and pawed the ground. He practically heard the old veteran roll his eyes.

"Not when someone else is going to give them a thrashing beyond imagination, and we'd be in the way," the sergeant said the magic words that Blueblood and the soldiers of his regiment had learned. If they really wanted him to move, they suggested he was 'in the way'. He'd often launch into a lecture on how a commander should leave the tactics to his officers, and retire to 'manage' the battle. "There is that. Let's go." He hopped down the hole and began hopping from step to step to descend into the darkness and safety. Despite that, he heard the sound like ripping canvas, and the splintering of wood and stone, then a second splintering. He smiled at that. The Big Guy couldn't magic away the gate, but someone could magic a big rock that passed through it and through the rear palisade.

Trixie watched from a hilltop and saw the Big Guy, with Hotaru flanking him, step into the opening. The entire camp was coming awake, and because it was 2:00 A.M. and most were drunk, hungover or both, they weren't at their best.

She signaled the orchestra to begin. She smiled. Best seat in the house, she glanced at the stage manager staring through borrowed binoculars and grinning like a foal with her first ribbons.

The strains of the orchestra echoed over the bandit camp Kirk Does It Again from the episode The Doomsday Machine. The Big Guy waited near the gap in the gate, as more and more of the ponies noticed him. Their anger at being awakened rapidly changing to fear as their main gate lay wide open, the sentries on the walls missing, and a gaping hole in the palisade in the rear.

The bandit leader shouted orders, shouted at the missing sentries and shouted about the missing prisoners. Now the bandits ran in all directions. In time with the music, the Big Guy marched into the camp. His pace exactly synchronized to the 'heart beat' of the music.

The ponies shied as another loud trumpet stinger sounded. "The Ponyville Monster is here to eat you," Hotaru said and kept an eye out for anyone raising a bow or missile.

The bandit leader demanded his soldiers act. But whispers translated as 'the Ponyville Monster' kept the ponies who greatly outnumbered the lone attacker from any action. Infuriated by his cowed followers, the bandits' chief, a stallion almost alicorn-sized, raced back to the rear of the compound, then charged forward. He came straight at the Big Guy. The orchestra seemed to start a triumphal fanfare.

Suddenly the two invaders separated and the four-foot long, one-inch diameter steel pipe with a pound of lead shot trapped in it swung out. Anywhere else in Equestria but a magic-free zone an Earth pony might have had the agility to dodge, or the durability to absorb the strike and only have the wind knocked out of him. The orchestral 'stinger' didn't help as the other bandits realized their defeat was choreographed.

The bandit chief's shoulder blades cracked on impact and he flipped end over end several times before collapsing in a crumbled, screaming, thrashing heap. His bones ground together every time he tried to move, and standing was out of the question. He tried to rise on his rear legs and fell, wailing in the agonizing pain of broken bones grinding against each other if he tried to move.

The Ponyville Monster took a moment to assure himself that the bandit chief would not rise. He surveyed the bent pipe and tossed it away. And, in time with the music marched forward. Beginning his methodical advance towards the 'inner circle' of the bandits. Most of the low-level bandits abandoned their posts and broke for the citadel. The Ponyville Monster ignored them, advancing with his pace in time with the beat of the music. The orchestral stinger cued him to unsling his rifle. He'd cut off the deputy leaders, all clustered together, as he headed for them. The bandit leaders began backing away, ears folded and glancing side-to-side for any path of escape.

The extended flourish, and he grinned at them, still marching.

The relentless beat of the music and the relentless march of the approach stole whatever courage they'd had. They backed away hurriedly, seeing their 'loyal' followers melt away. The enemy ignoring the small fry to focus on the leaders. Unlike any other predator, it relished attacking the strong. Such a creature was beyond their experience.

A flourish and he unclipped the bayonet, and kept marching. A second flourish and he cocked the bolt. The metallic snap made the expressions of pony terror grow, they glanced at each other, for someone, anypony to tell them what to do. But all of them were terrified and retreating. Ponies' social norming took over from there. If all were frightened, soon all would be terrified.

The bandits looked at the sky as the orchestral music seemed to prophesy their doom. The Big Guy took the opportunity to slip the rifle under his shoulder and slip the road flare out of his sleeve and light it. The terrified leaders met the wall of the stockade and stood their trembling, eyes white with fear as he waved the brilliant light over his head. The brilliant light would leave an after image so it looked like he had a lasso or spiral of light over him.

The music seemed to anticipate and heighten their terror. And still on he marched. They hadn't noticed him sling the rifle and slipping the sparklers out of his other sleeve. As they desperately tried to back through the stockade, the sparklers flared to life in both hands. They he threw them at them.

In a non-magical area, he covered them in burning sparks. They screamed along with the crescendo of music.

As the orchestra played the denouement, he prodded the unconscious bodies, pulled the still burning sparklers away from them and signaled the regular military to come pick them up for arrest.

Shining Armor and Alfalfa, the regiment's leader seemed vaguely disgusted by the entire episode. The Big Guy gave a thumbs up in what he hoped was Trixie's direction. Her theatrics had made the entire thing possible, especially only one casualty.

"I think they'll forgive me that one," the Big Guy said to Hotaru as he headed out to meet up with Celly and Woona, and prepare their attack on the catacombs under the fort.

Shining Armor watched his troops binding the still-trembling bandit leaders. Their boss had been taken away tied down on a stretcher. Aside from a few minor burns, they were unharmed.

"Tell me you do this kind of stuff in the Royal Guard," Alfalfa said, in a happier tone than before.

"I wish we did. This was just scary. But a good kind of scary," Armor admitted. In the background the orchestra was playing the North Border Fusiliers march, and a few other patriotic airs.

"Well, you know he's harmless," Alfalfa said, "They didn't."

Armor nodded, and his joy evaporated as he saw who was approaching. "Ponyfeathers," he whispered and nodded to Alfalfa. The other captain grimaced. Not at Blueblood, ironically that was a neutral thing. Major Grass Lights was the center of everyone's, even Blueblood's consternation.

"I'm taking over here, Captain," Grass Lights said, "These ponies are outlaw, we don't have to take them to the capital, we don't have to do anything. Whatever we do is perfectly legal."

Armor bristled at his tone, and Alfalfa glared at the Major. Blueblood spoke up first, "I think Auntie would want to at least give them a trial." He grinned meekly. "We have them, it all worked, shouldn't we take them and let her decide?"

Grass Lights glared at Blueblood, who retreated a step. "Who was talking to you, errand boy?" The major missed Alfalfa's grimace.

Errand boy he may be, but he's the regiment's 'errand boy', Armor considered.

"Do you think these soldiers will follow your lead? They laugh at you behind your back. They also know that since you're exiled from Canterlot, I can assert my command anytime you're out of the way," Grass Lights told Blueblood, who shied as if struck.

"They don't laugh," Blueblood said, but bowed his head, "They're good troops."

I would have bet money nopony could make me feel sorry for Blueblood, Armor thought as his own anger grew, But I would have lost that bet.

"You have something to say? Captain? Sorry, captains?" Grass Lights asked. When neither spoke, he turned back to Blueblood. "A coward like you should never have been allowed on this mission. These 'good troops' put up with their paymaster, and let you play soldier. But this is real. We don't have to let the Princesses dirty their hooves with these scum. We can deal with them right here and right now."

"That's murder," Blueblood said, more a whimper than a statement.

"Not against outlaws. If you're afraid to give the order fop, then I will, and if any of you are squeamish, I'm sure someone will choose doing what's needed over getting a court martial," Grass Lights said and stared at Armor and Alfalfa before returning his attention to Blueblood, "I'm amazed you even got yourself dirty for this. Dirtied your own hooves with the digging, or just ordered it and hid in your tent?"

"I wasn't hiding," Blueblood said.

"So prove you aren't a fop and a coward, give the order. Or are you afraid of getting a little blood on you? Poison and intrigue are your chosen weapons. But this isn't intrigue, this is a clear message sent to the scum all over Equestria that even if the nobles are whimpering lickspittles, their soldiers have the guts to deal with the realities."

Blueblood looked up at him. The beaten stallion spoke softly, "Yes, all true and I won't deny a bit of it. I like my nice clothes, and hooficures, and I prefer a polo match with my troops over digging a trench or fighting a battle." Blueblood looked at Alfalfa searchingly, whatever she looked back with, he found the strength to go on, "But there is a factor you haven't considered, thank Celestia. I have friends, not many, but one just marched through this camp while we were rescuing you. They acknowledge all the weaknesses you have so helpfully pointed out. Yet they care enough about me to ensure that I could participate in their plan. In fact, they were counting on my weaknesses to help them." Blueblood seemed to be getting a real head of steam, maybe even getting angry. "You haven't done anything that hasn't been done to me a thousand times over by nearly everyone I've ever met, even my dear Aunt never fails to remind me. As if I didn't know what a disappointment I am to everyone around me. I might as well have a 'Kick Me' sign as my cutie mark. I am a coward, I am a poof, and I am arrogant. And when faced with physical danger, I'll cry and snivel and shy. I'm rather surprised I haven't wet myself during this operation. But while you have been enjoying replaying what I've heard a thousand times before, and not particularly well delivered by you, my friends have rescued all the hostages and done the real dirty work of trapping the bandits where they can be deal with easily."

Blueblood stood up and stared at Grass Light, as if remembering that Grass Light was a major, and he was a colonel. "Now let me tell you what's going to happen," Blueblood said, "Yes, Celestia is weak. She hates raising her hand against any pony. What she had to do to her sister drove that spike into her heart deeper than any wound she's suffered at the hands of her foes. So she cannot bear to do 'what must be done here'. And I won't order my troops to do what you say needs doing. If you are so much braver and better, be the axe pony yourself. No?"

Blueblood stuck his nose in the air. "You bore me. I shall retire to my tent. But I will do one thing."

"Cry?" Grass Lights said.

"Captain Armor," Blueblood said, "I order you to assume command of the North Border Fusileers on my personal authority as colonel of the regiment." He sighed and rubbed a hoof on his chest and frowned.

Armor looked at Alfalfa whose eyes were nearly as wide open as his own.

"You can't do that," Grass Lights said, craning his neck to look Blueblood in the eye, but the supercilious stallion had his eyes closed.

"I accept authority and command," Armor said.

"A major still outranks a captain," Grass Lights told them.

"I have a direct order in front of witnesses, through my proper chain of command, that Captain Armor speaks for the colonel," Alfalfa said, "If you continue to interfere, I will have to place you under arrest."

Grass Lights stared at the pair, having failed to get Blueblood to even look at him. He smiled. "You wouldn't dare, your career would be over."

In the distance the two captains saw Celestia's chariot landing and the Solar Diarch disembark. Neither Grass Lights nor Blueblood had seen her.

"We could always use another captain," Blueblood offered, "Then we could have a whole brigade, and I'd be brigadier. Both of you might make excellent colonels."

"Sir," Armor said, "I suggest you return to the medical teams. It is clear your captivity has put you under undue strain."

Grass Lights looked at Armor, then whipped around to look at Celestia and Milestone. "Fine, this round goes to you," he said, and hissed in Blueblood's ear, "And you, you useless fop."

Grass Lights was escorted away by two soldiers. Celestia beamed at the three soldiers and trotted towards them.

"Is he gone?" Blueblood asked.

"Real gone," Armor said, and watched Blueblood faint.

Celestia grimaced, then bowed her head and facehoofed.

"You still have command of the regiment, and I think summary executions of the prisoners are off the table," Alfalfa said.

"What exactly is going on?" Celestia asked. An explosion near the ruins cut off their replies.

As they headed over to investigate, Milestone headed back to the chariot with a downcast expression.

Celly looked around the mound that the old fort had been built into. The Big Guy had just dropped a lit firework into one of the four vent holes, and it had detonated with a bang easily heard outside on the mound. "Depth charges," Celly said as the smoke rose from the vent into the ruin's catacombs.

"Exactly," the Big Guy said, "You saw how the ponies reacted to a depth charging attack on screen, imagine how they'll react to an actual one they're under."

Hotaru returned from her job. "They've reinforced the barricade, so what those ponies thought would prevent ponies from getting in, now prevents them from getting out." She grinned. "Clever. How long are we going to keep them down there?"

"I think after three hours, they should be ready to surrender," the Big Guy said and rolled a set of dice. "Okay, one charge in vent hole three, a banger, in 23 minutes."

"All that from a die roll?" Celly asked.

"It has to be random," the Big Guy said, "You ponies are worse affected by random behavior than ordered behavior. The one attack an hour trick in The Enemy Below wouldn't be as effective as this. Or I'm wrong, but I doubt they'll weather the action too much, after all, they were pretty shaken up when they ran in there. Knowing they still aren't safe will prey on their nerves."

" 'They may come up and surrender, or at least shoot it out with us'," Woona said, "Quite a nightmare you've caught them up in."

"Better these, than the alternative," the Big Guy said, "For everybody."

"Since we have some time, what say we give Celestia what for?" Celly asked and pawed the ground angrily.

"What for?" the Big Guy asked, "She's the lawful ruler, anything and everything in Equestria is hers. She merely extended it further than she usually does. Unless you plan to take the kingdom from her in a coup, you're better off letting it lie. I have a plan, but we'll need good timing to carry it out, and when Milestone left in the chariot, he set the wheels in motion. By midday tomorrow, there will be a triumphal parade marching the dazed prisoners through Ponyville, and the full power of the Ponyville Monster will be seen and understood by all."

"You think that will affect Celestia?" Celly asked, "It wouldn't affect me."

"Oh ye of little faith." He patted Celly's cheek. "I have already cast my barbs into her Highness, and as she moves, she will feel them all," he said, "It's us getting out of the way of the reprisal that will take the doing."

"Care to share?" Woona asked.

"Certainly, I am going to destroy her, by heaping her with accolades," the Big Guy said, and grinned.

"That doesn't help me at all," Woona admitted.

"Watch and learn," the Big Guy said and scratched Woona behind the ears.

Armor shied away from the entryway into the catacombs. The cries from the bandits to accept their surrender, have mercy, and let them out poured out piteous and unceasing. Armor had gone to plead, or demand the Big Guy cease, but he'd been adamant that three hours minimum would be required. There were at least fifteen minutes to go, as he and each of his associates dumped a smoke bomb down all four of the air vents.

"Gives me the chills," Alfalfa admitted, "But not half as much as going down there to route those ponies out myself. This is outside the magic zone. That trick with the pipe won't do buffalo flops down there. We're damn lucky he's on our side. Where the heck did he learn all this stuff?"

"From battles that were enough to frighten even Discord and Nightmare Moon," Armor said, " 'I shall fight no more, forever.' We certainly haven't made that easy for him."

"Where'd you hear that?" Alfalfa asked.

"From her Highness when she briefed me and the team on this mission," Armor admitted, "To have seen such Hell, and just want some peace. That's what Equestria's supposed to be about."

"If you believe that, come out to the border marches sometime," Alfalfa said, then got a funny look on her face.

"Trouble," Armor asked.

"Just, we 'caught' our colonel out there in the northern patrols. Of course we filled him with hot soup and bundled him in blankets to ship back to his mommy. But, after one trip out there, he'd know how awful it was, why was it so hard to find him the second and third time? He should have been kvetching up a storm."

"Maybe he actually believes that 'fortitude and glory' stuff," Armor said.

"Captain, if you ever get up north, you'll learn the cold and ice doesn't give you glory, just frostbite, snowblindness, and frozen piles," Alfalfa said.

Armor and Alfalfa tried to fix the captain's comment with everything everyone 'knew' about the prissy, self-absorbed clothes horse who was still Canterlot's most eligible bachelor.

The Big Guy had to wake them up from their brain freeze to tell them they could release the prisoners.

Celestia watched the bandits come out of the catacombs they had thought were an absolute defense. The mighty whimpered and the foals cried out at the sight of all the guards. She watched Armor, Alfalfa, even Blueblood simply asking if they surrendered, then putting them under arrest and thus under Princess Celestia's personal protection. Often the succored rushed to her and offered thanks, praise and pleas to keep the Ponyville Monster away from them.

Over and over, "I promise," she said, and let the guards escort them away.

The Big Guy and his partners had made themselves scarce as soon as the three-hour bombardment ended.

Aside from the smell of smoke and fireworks, they are untouched, Celestia thought of the collection she had left alone when the military leaders had told her the cost of defeating them, especially the cost to any hostages they might have held. Yet, with more 'stage magic' than real magic, they are defeated and even eager to rejoin pony society. I owe them all a great deal of thanks. I just can't bring myself to give my blessings to such an operation.

She looked at the guards, and their pity for ponies who would have fought them tooth and hoof before midnight yesterday. But as the sunrises, they are all alive and the threat is gone, Celestia thought, Why can't I simply accept and get beyond this?

The Big Guy collected Celly, Woona and Hotaru and led them back to where Trixie waited. The mare was away from the others, and had tears running down her cheeks.

"She asked if she will ever see you again," Discord said, seconded a few moments later by Hotaru.

He nodded and hugged her. She nuzzled him gently and held him for a long while. When she broke away, she moved to and hugged Celly, Woona and even Hotaru. The dog looked at her strangely but seemed to enjoy the affection.

Trixie wiped her eyes and took up her aggressive, even arrogant stage persona. She wove her arms around and covered them with a flurry of fireworks.

When the smoke and flash cleared, they weren't there.

Derpy answered the door to her home and saw . . . herself on the doorstep.

"The Big Guy sent me," doorstep Derpy said, "May I come in? I'm here to help with the luggage."

Derpy stepped aside and let Derpy in. "Are you Trixie? The one who was masquerading as Trixie?" Derpy asked.

"Yes," doorstep Derpy said, and found Derpy hugging her.

"Thank you, we were so worried about him, and then you came and he got better," Derpy told doorstep Derpy.

"I think I should come clean," doorstep Derpy said, and in a flash of green light she appeared, "This is what I really look like."

"Cool! A giant bug!" Dinky announced and rushed over to meet her, "Are you really a bug, do you fly, can those fangs go through stone and metal, do those holes hurt, can you look like the Big Guy, can you look like Princess Celestia, can you look like me?"

The changeling vanished in green fire and Dinky looked at Dinky. One filly raised a foreleg and the other mimicked it.

"Ha, you've got a cutie mark," Dinky said. The other Dinky looked, and Dinky laughed.

Derpy hugged both Dinkys.

"Aren't you scared?" one Dinky asked.

"The Big Guy's friends are all a little scary, but not to each other," Derpy said as both Dinkys settled in her arms. Derpy set both Dinkys down. "So what do we call you?"

"Sapphire Trinket, I'm a changeling," one of the Dinkys said, then in a flash, the bug-pony was back.

"We could really use some help with the luggage." Derpy waved at the huge pile of suitcases in the corner.

Sapphire facehoofed. "Well, I think I can change into a small elephant, even then, nopony would see me."

The quartet appeared outside the door in Ponyville that led to the house.

"What is that?" Woona asked of the sheaf of official papers taped to the door.

"The proclamation of Celestia's heroism. It also means we need to collect Dinky and Derpy, and be out of here quickly. I've got to make a delivery to Spike, and give some papers to the Apples. Then, we're gone."

"What?" Celly demanded, "When were you going to tell us?"

"A few hours after you and Woona decided to tear Celestia to pieces. Unless you plan to include Luna, and Selene, and then take the thrones and their roles in raising and lowering the sun and moon?" the Big Guy asked, "No? Then we follow my plan. That's a Writ of Exile, for what we just did. We let them toss me out of Equestria to great fanfare."

Woona and Celly stared at him. Hotaru was too busy chuckling.

"You can come too, just because you aren't banished, doesn't mean you have to stay," he explained.

"When did you come up with this plan?!" Discord asked.

After I saw that little curlicue you threw into the house, he thought with a jovial lilt, then added in cold tones, And after Celestia decided highjacking my identity without even a by your leave was acceptable. I also found out what she agreed to to get the knowledge of how to stop you in the first place. That's something that needs a stake driven through its heart a lot more than your would-be girlfriend.

Discord retreated from the cold fury of his response.

The Big Guy walked inside, leaving Celly and Woona behind to gape at the 'charges' and the resulting justification for the Writ. They sputtered angrily as they read.

Boy are they going to be mad when they realize I wrote that, that's why I left them off, he thought as he collected the books and took the paper he'd carefully written while he was in Celestia's body.

He put the books in a small box and added the paper. He passed between the two absolutely furious Alicorns.

"You did not 'draw me into darkness'!" Celly fumed, "I chose to do what I did."

"Then I wouldn't tell her. You can come back, after you've cooled off," he said, "Besides, I wrote all of that, so you two could come back. If you wanted to."

Celly and Woona turned on him as one. "Why would you say that we were no more than your pawns? We are old enough to decide our own fate and our own actions!"

"True, but I need to get away from their Highnesses, and frankly, I want to hurt them both very badly. If I do that, there are very few places I can run to. Now, I need to deliver these before I run away. If you want a longer explanation, you'll have to follow me into exile, at least temporarily. If you're not here when I come back, I understand."

He left the two, stunned Alicorns as he headed for the library. He had at least one debt he had to repay in full before he left. He watched Dinky and Derpy heading towards the door with a huge pile of suitcases following them. Ponyville, he thought and knocked on the library's door.

Spike hadn't been expecting him of all people to be arriving at the library. The letter and the gift of the books seemed to surprise the little dragon. Spike read the letter, the Big Guy could almost gauge where he was in the text by his reactions.
Spike,

Enclosed are several books on dragons from my world. Understand, that all dragons in my world are fictional. But they still span the spectrum from the blackest-hearted villains, to the most upstanding of heros. Most importantly though it talks about dragons being who they choose to be. In that way, you are like me, a human. Neither of us have cutie-marks to direct us in our destiny, nor do we have it to leash us to anything. We can be saint or monster, we can be scholar or athlete, we can be scientist, poet, philosopher or fool.

Spike, we can be all of those things if we choose. And we are allowed to choose year by year, day by day, moment to moment. We can be anything. There is no 'right' way to be a human. There is no 'right' way to be a dragon. Read the books, and decide what you want. Then stand with your friends, or stand alone. Study philosophy, or the migration or birds, or ice cream, or all of it. No matter what you do, some will support and applaud, others will try to tear you down. Accept that who you are is only dependant on whom you want to be, and the only failure is to fail to be a better you than you were the day before.

There are dozens of books on philosophy in my library, and all ask the question of man's relation to the world, to his fellow man, and to the powers that be. But all of them expect and demand that a person keep asking questions, and from those questions become better than they were. Accept that you will never know how to 'be a dragon', because no dragon knows how to be a dragon, they already are. Everything they do is being a dragon, and the same goes for you. Everything you do, is what a dragon does, because a dragon (you) is doing it. But never flag in your desire to 'be a better Spike'. In the quiet times, you can look back on your path, and you will see where you stumbled and fell, you will see where you despaired, but you will also see all of those with the eyes of one who survived and prevailed, even if you ran away at the time.

Good luck on your quest, I envy you your uncertainty.
The Big Guy.

At Spike's signal, he knelt to let the little dragon hug him. He didn't know if Spike was thanking him, or telling him he was crazy, but he accepted either. They parted and Spike was already starting to look at the volumes he'd been given.

Celly was in a fury when the Big Guy returned. Several other ponies had glimpsed the paperwork attached to both sides of the door, and run off. Hotaru had brought Dinky and Derpy, and their self-mobile luggage. Both mother and daughter were clearly packed for a trip of some length. "Does everypony know about your plan but us?" Celly asked, causing Derpy and Dinky to shy.

"No," the Big Guy replied, "Look, I'll admit, I'm angry and I'm not sharing as much as I could, and a lot of this is haphazard, but if you want answers, you'll have to follow me."

"Follow you where?" Celly said, "You act like you stuffed Celestia's nose in a beehive and you think you can run away from her? There's no place you can go that she can't find and follow you."

"There are places she will not go," the Big Guy said, as he hugged the frightened Derpy and Dinky, then started helping them with their luggage. For some reason they stopped him. He shrugged and headed through the door, holding it open for them, and their pile of luggage.

"I want answers," Celly said as she followed him through the door, then stopped. "Where are the doors to Canterlot?"

"I erased them," the Big Guy said as he closed the door after Hotaru and Woona passed through, "The closeness that Discord wanted to foster between myself and the Pony Sisters will not be taking place with the Pony Sisters of this world."

"You're being irrational," Celly said as she entered the house and followed him through the French doors to the cavern of crystals. Normally its beauty transfixed her, now she ignored it. "Unless you attacked Luna or Twilight, she will forgive whatever you've done. That Writ is as fake as a lead bit, and you know it. As soon as she knows about it, she'll repudiate it."

"And admit she stole my body? My identity? My life? That won't happen, not now, not ever. You keep thinking of me as equal to a pony," he said as she arrived at the front walkway of the house. "She doesn't. I'm a thing that might be a hazard to her ponies. That's the difference. She wants me gone, and I'll going to grant her wish."

"By what?" Woona said as she approached the group, "Circling the house. If that Writ of Banishment is real, coming around like this won't have any effect."

"Have you ever been through this particular door?" he asked, and gave his 'I have a secret' grin.

"Until you smiled like that, I was going to say 'yes'," Woona said.

He pulled a different key chain than the one he used to unlock the front door in the corridor. "With the key to the other front door, you'd be right, this would just be another way into the house." He unlocked the door and pushed it open. He helped Dinky and Derpy move all the luggage into the living room, revealing the rather small and embarrassed elephant at the center of the pile. He raised an eyebrow, and waved the others forward. "But with the other key, we're here." Once Hotaru, Woona and Celly were through, he closed and locked the door.

"And where is 'here'?" Celly asked, cornering him so he couldn't get away.

"Oh my Night and Stars!" Woona said as she stared out the French doors.

Celly snatched the key from his hand and dashed to the doors, she gawked at the ancient cyclopean structures outside the doors.

"Here, depends on which door you leave from. But I call this 'The Deep House'," the Big Guy told them, "Out there is Hippoastrumpolis, Star Horse City of the pre-empire. Through the big garage door looks like the ruins of Dream Valley. Out the French door of the bedroom, is underwater so I didn't explore very far. But what's outside the side door to the garage, and our real destination, is the ruins of the Classical Period Unicorn capital. Not ruins, the city itself, preserved under two miles of ice."

"The homes of the Seeker!" Woona said, "Discord did this? Set up this second house, this Deep House, leading to all the Seeker's homes?"

"He did indeed," the Big Guy said, "But he got one thing wrong, which my explorations hint to, but I need to prove out."

"What's that, more important that confronting Celestia for what she did and setting things right?" Celly asked.

"Yes, from what I can tell, the Seekers are dead, and they've been dead a long time," the Big Guy said.

"You are going to explain how that all relates," Celly growled.

"Sure, while were helping Dinky and Derpy unpack," the Big Guy said, "And look into something equally important: Why are there no Windingos out there? Where did they go?"

Author's Note

Ah, Discord here. Ah, yes, I blew up that big temple thingee, it was only a copy after all, I never blew up the original. After finding out those two were lying about being the Seekers, I lost my temper. I still haven't found it, I hope the little bugger freezes to death leaving me all alone. Anyway, I decided someone, besides me, should go find out the truth behind those callous, arrogant, self-important know-it-alls (who incidentally brought you G3.5 as the highest form of their art, I frankly think you lot killed them, and good riddance, but I'm guessing here). And who better than a human with insatiable curiosity to find the answers, and if he gets zorched, at least it wasn't me.

Moi callous and arrogant, I'm a highly sensitive and creative artist beloved by millions!

So, next chapter, everything you knew about the Seekers was wrong. 'But Discoid, we dont' know abot the seekrs!' First, get a spell checker for that thing, second, then watch Dinky, Sapphire and Derpy playing in the snow. Excuse me, Celly's gonna want answers as much as you do, so I'm going to change the batteries in the cattle prod. Yes, I know where you are author boy.

28) What Shall the Ice Carry?

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - What Shall the Ice Carry?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 49

They walked out into the garage, as they approached the side door Hotaru could feel the air growing colder.

"At least having to go through the laundry room will keep some heat in the house, but the walls aren't insulated as well as the roof," the Big Guy explained. Outside through the glass panes of the door, and the windows in the side of the garage was a divided sight. To the right, was a cavern, inside was a city, brilliantly lighted, glowing like a jewel.

On the left, was the most beautiful thing Hotaru had ever seen. "Can I go out there?"

"It's at least 20 below out there," the Big Guy said.

"Fine, can I go out there?" Hotaru said excitedly, then she repeated herself in standard Equestrian so the Derpy's group could understand her.

"I'll go too!" Dinky said as she stared, not at the city, but the true beauty.

"You'll have to wear your snowsuit," Derpy said, and looked sternly at Hotaru, "And I'll go too, to keep an eye on you."

"Of course, no problem," Hotaru said, willing to promise anything that would get her out there. She spoke in the alien Equestrian for the Alicorns and the Big Guy. "Dinky and Derpy are all ready to get suited up and go out there, can we please?"

"What's gotten into you?" the Big Guy asked, he looked at what Hotaru was pointing at. "I don't, I can't see anything, just emptiness. What's got you so excited?"

"That's the point," Hotaru said, nearly pronking with excitement, "It's dark!"

Twilight was in the library's kitchen finishing up the breakfast dishes. She didn't know why Spike had cooked up her two favorite breakfasts and seemed to be walking on air, but she wasn't going to spoil his mood with questions just yet. He was ensconced with several books and seemed to be reading them all at once with great excitement.

The library door opened, and Mystery arrived with Sveti, between them, they carried a half-dozen large boxes. "Set them up in the study room," Mystery said, "Once we get the type set up, we can send a copy to each of the major capital for analysis."

"What's going on?" Twilight asked, she looked into the nearest boxes and saw the alien writing on the spine of the books filling the box. "You convinced him to part with these books?" Twilight couldn't keep the amazement from her voice.

"No, we just took them, better us than anyone else, right?" Mystery said.

"What?" Twilight said, and looked at the boxes and felt panic rise, she cantered in place as she gasped, "We have to put them back, he'll be back from the Baltimare Woods soon, and if he sees we plundered his library, there's no telling what he'll do!"

The two griffons looked at each other. Mystery walked over to the table in the library's main room and collected the letter addressed to 'Twilight Sparkle' and returned to hand it to her. "I thought you read this," Mystery said, "With the Writ of Banishment, it makes perfect sense."

" 'Banishment'?" Twilight asked and removed the letter from the envelope. Most of the pages were copies of the Writ Mystery had mentioned, the last was a single page of paper. On it was a short message. 'Twilight Sparkle,

Congratulations and well played, very well played. I would request that you allow the Apples to remain, they've done nothing to deserve displacement.
The Big Guy.'

"What?" Twilight asked no one in particular. She carefully read the Writ, and noted both the facsimile of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's hoof prints on it. "This has to be a joke," Twilight said and relaxed, "You'd better put those books back. I'll talk to Rainbow and Pinkie Pie. Their little prank war has been fun, but this is where somepony could get hurt, or worse."

"Sparkle," Sveti said, "One of the Royal Guard posted two copies of that on his door. One with a royal seal attached. I recognized the guardspony from Canterlot. It's real, and he evidently bugged out of here this morning. All his possessions and chattels to be dispositioned according to the crown. I think she'll send the books here in any case, so we brought them here before anyone made them into souvenirs."

"It can't be," Twilight said, her ears flat and cringing back from the cases, "This has to be a mistake."

Pinkie Pie's arrival distracted Twilight from her confusion. Her accusation that Pinkie and Rainbow's prank war had gone too far died as she saw the mare's down cast expression, and that she was walking slowly, like a regular pony.

"Pinkie Pie?" she asked as the two griffons carried the books to the study room.

"They're gonna throw a big party," Pinkie said, then threw herself on Twilight hugging her as she sobbed, "But I don't want that kind of party! I'm so confused!"

Twilight stared off in the distance and wondered what had happened to the day so early.

Hotaru was holding Dinky off the ground by her tail, so Derpy could get the giggling, little unicorn's boots and snowsuit on. Sapphire had arrived with a couple of sets of goggles to protect their eyes from the extreme cold. Celly and Woona were unpacking and hanging up the luggage Derpy and Dinky had brought. The Big Guy was in a chair in the corner, very firmly tied to it.

"The Seekers are an aspect of Alicorn and Draconequus mythology, the ponies neither share them, nor have they generally heard of them," the Big Guy said, "Which is very strange considering one of them was supposedly living in the Unicorn's capital city. When Discord got loose for a little while, he decided to set up this house to investigate the legendary homes of the Seekers, so I could go look for them and find out what they were doing." The Big Guy seemed to be listening to an internal dialog or monolog. "Discord wants to assure you that he didn't investigate himself on either occasion he was recently free not because he was afraid the Seekers would take back his powers but because he was busy doing something fun." The Big Guy winced as though Discord was shouting at him.

"That's very interesting, but what does that have to do with you roping all those ponies into your revenge on Celestia?" Celly asked in tones angry enough that Derpy and Dinky picked up on them.

"Excuse me?" the Big Guy replied, "You were the one who wanted to tear her into bite-sized strips." He strained against the ropes. "And can you untie me?"

"That is personal," Celly said, "And no, we think you've gone mad. When you aren't, then we'll let you go."

"Not insane, just angry," the Big Guy said, "I got tired of the way lots of the ponies were treating me."

"So you hurt the ones who were treating you well, as well as the one who were mistreating you?" Woona asked.

Derpy looked over Dinky and made sure she was properly fitted out, then she pulled her own cold-weather gear on as Sapphire changed into a small polar bear and fitted a set of goggles to Hotaru. The group looked ready as they waddled out the door.

"Do you have anything to add?" Woona asked Hotaru.

"If I cared about pony gods, I would have eaten them," Hotaru said, "You can talk, talk, TALK, I'm going outside."

"Such is the state of curiosity," Celly said, and returned to hanging up clothes. "If you think you can just walk into their domains, you're wrong."

"That temple you access through the corridor in Canterlot," the Big Guy said, and both Woona and Celly stared at him. "The temple in ruins from when Discord ascended? The two priests there haven't heard the voice of the Seekers in nearly a millennium. The temple hasn't been rebuilt, no new priests have come forth, and when did you last enter the equivalent in your world and offer sacrifices, prayers or ask for intercession?"

"When Luna fell to Nightmare Moon and I asked for them to help me. The last thing they did do was direct Luna and I to the Tree of Harmony to gather the Elements," Celly admitted, "And before you ask, neither Luna nor I are gods."

"Never asked, never intended to ask, but the Seekers were, supposedly. Yet they never came to your aid even with the world coming down around your ears. I don't know whether they were the collective consciousness of the Alicorns and Draconequi, some ancient device powered by who knows what, or the echos of some previous age, but I don't think they're around anymore," the Big Guy said, "Since we're here, we can find out. That's why Discord built this second house, and that's why I'm here. To go look."

"I thought you were here to get away from Celestia," Woona said.

The Big Guy shrugged. "That too."

Derpy watched Sapphire and Dinky pelt Hotaru with snowballs, only to have the big dog turn around and 'dig' the snow, covering the pair in a drift. Two pair of goggles poked out of the drift and the eyes behind them blinked. One more kick and those too were buried. But Derpy's mind was working on something bothering her. I may not be a very good weather pony, but I do know snow turns to ice after a long enough time, not the other way around, she thought, So there shouldn't be all this snow. Well, at the end of our vacation, I can ask Rainbow Dash. I think it can wait.

She walked forward towards the two sides. The darkness that yawned from the caverns called to her, and she didn't know why. Hotaru seemed content to run and play in the near darkness away from the house, while Dinky and Sapphire stayed in the overshine from the city and the house.

All four of them froze as they heard a noise. A moment later, Dinky was clinging to her, looking into the darkness fearfully. Hotaru trotted over and glanced at the whimpering foal.

"Quiet," Hotaru said.

"She's afraid," Derpy replied.

"You too, quiet," Hotaru said, "Open your ears, shut your eyes and mouths. Listen for them, just listen."

Derpy pulled the hood of her snowsuit back a little to free her ears. The cold bit into them immediately and she stopped Dinky from doing the same. Then she closed her eyes and listened. She could hear them, what she'd thought was one sound, were dozens of little noises. They were coming from one general direction, and they were coming closer.

"How many?" Hotaru asked.

"Dozens," Derpy said.

"No, six, trying to sound like dozens," Hotaru said, "Listen. That one step, drag, scratch, step, scratch, drag. That one, scratches with two claws and walks with two rhythms. That one hops and walks, step, step, hop, step, step, hop." The big dog chuckled. "They're trying to scare us away." She dug her claws through the snow and ice. "But we're here to stay."

"We should go back to the house," Sapphire said.

Hotaru turned to look at the changeling. Her contempt shown through her doggy expression. "Afraid of zomponies?" Hotaru said, "This is the remains of the Ponies' Homeland. What would be alive here after a thousand . . . a thousand years of darkness?" Hotaru said and seemed to consider, "All right, let's head back. Safety in numbers," Hotaru said.

Derpy walked backwards the whole way back to the house, looking at the darkness and trying to match Hotaru's trick. She couldn't, it still sounded like dozens to her.

The crowds and bunting festooning Dodge Junction celebrated the fall of the Baltimare Bandits. The guards had to keep the occasional pie thrower at a distance, but overall it was raucous but nonviolent. The disheartened bandits moved through the roaring citizens with a cordon of Royal Guards surrounding them.

Celestia noted how the noise seemed to further cow the bandits who'd been hiding in the catacombs below the ruins. I'm going to have a few words about that, she thought, but enjoyed waving to the enthusiastic crowds. She also noted that while Shining Armor and Alfalfa were with the troops, Blueblood was not. She frowned at that. A parade, and he's nowhere to be seen? That's just odd, she thought.

As the formation approached the train station, she understood. Blueblood had been arranging railcars to take the troops and the prisoners farther on. That was arguably one of the more shocking revelations of the entire trip.

"Captain Armor," Blueblood said, "The freights are for the prisoners, the coaches ahead and behind are for the troops. They're good soldiers, Captain, just let them do their jobs and you'll be fine."

"Aren't you coming too?" Celestia asked as she approached. Oddly, both Armor and Blueblood bowed.

"No, your Majesty," Blueblood said.

Celestia flicked an ear. Not 'Auntie', not 'Aunt Celestia', she thought.

"I think I finally understand why you always thought I was such a mental midget. Having seen you in action and how your plans encompass all your opponents, I have to agree," Blueblood said, "It is, sobering."

Celestia stared at him for a moment. "If it's the banishment, I can raise it."

"Thank you," Blueblood said, "But you needn't trouble yourself. I think Canterlot will be better without me, and I certainly think I will be better without it. By your leave your Majesty, Captain Armor." He bowed to her and trotted away.

"He's, grown up," Celestia said.

Armor was still staring at the figure heading back into Dodge Junction. "Well, the train will take us through Ponyville, and then on to Canterlot," Armor said, "I'm sure you will want to take the air chariot back ahead of us."

Celestia grinned. "Actually, I'd rather enjoy riding the train, and seeing Ponyville again," Celestia said as she entered the coach, "Oh dear, low ceilings."

Trixie watched the train pull away, once it was nearly out of sight, Igor joined her. "You could have gone home," Trixie said.

"When I decide where home is," Igor said, "I'll go there. Right now, I'd rather be a laughing stock because I wish to be, rather than because I have to be."

"I wonder if the theater will be closed for the celebration," Trixie said.

"One way to find out." Igor headed towards the theater.

Trixie looked at the festivities going on, and wondered, How do I work my part of it into the act. No one would believe what we did. I barely believe it, she thought. After a few moments, Trixie turned to follow Igor.

Hotaru entered the room where the two alicorns were interrogating the Big Guy. Celly was facehooving, and Woona was too shocked to do anything but stare. Hotaru sat down to watch the wonderful scene. The creatures gathering the nerve to approach the house could wait.

"I said it was a theory," the Big Guy said.

"Just because your people have to have a nuclear, 'Sword of Damocles' dangled over their heads to prevent war from breaking out, there's no evidence that the Alicorns and Draconequi had to invent gods to do the same," Celly told him, the poor girl looked near hysterics, "And why have I never heard of this?"

"How old were you when the tribes dropped the Windingos on you and destroyed most of your populations? A kid? Adults don't share the real way things work until the kids are older. One of my grand kids, when she hit high school age, was furious that I hadn't shared my knowledge of the Holocaust with her when she first learned about World War 2. So I got out my scrap book and started showing her the pictures I took of the camps, during and after the war. She threw up on the rug. When she finished, I asked her if she was ready to hear about my experiences. Last year I was on Earth she was 37-years-old with kids of her own, and she's never asked to hear it."

"And when did you learn about people willing to do such things?" Woona said.

"When the Royal Navy destroyed the Marine Nationale after the surrender of France to Nazi Germany," the Big Guy said coldly, "So the Germans wouldn't instantly have a large and powerful surface fleet. From allies to simply an obstacle to destroy in a matter of weeks."

"What a dark world you live in," Celly said.

"Sounds great, when do we leave? Say, is that scrapbook still in the other house?" Hotaru asked.

"You should be able to find it in the glass-fronted book shelves. If it's still there, it's in the other house," the Big Guy said.

"Oh, to be there when Sparkle starts reading that book," Hotaru said and looked back at her wagging tail, "I'll never get used to that. There's something else alive out there. We didn't let them get too close, so I didn't clearly see them, but they are out there."

"Windingos?" Woona asked. She exchanged glances with Celly.

Celly grimaced, but her horn glowed and the ropes restraining the Big Guy fell away. "We aren't through discussing this."

"That's fine. We still have to answer the question of where did the Windingos go," he replied, "You two were mad enough, you should have had a pack of them hovering over us. Yet, nothing. That's the real mystery."

"Get dressed," Hotaru said, "It's as cold as you said it was. Maybe worse."

"You still had fun," the Big Guy accused, showing his more typical good humor.

"It's everything I ever wanted, all that darkness, no sun for centuries, and nothing else, almost nothing else out there," Hotaru said, her excitement made that thing attached to her butt gyrate. She stared at it a moment. "When I was Nightmare Moon, I controlled my tail. That thing has to have a mind of its own."

"Maybe."

They'd reassembled in the garage. Sapphire had returned to her natural state. "I think they're Changelings," she told Hotaru and the others. Then the Big Guy repeated it for Celly and Woona. That both Alicorns looked to Hotaru for confirmation showed that they were no longer as certain as they had been about things. Hotaru found it interesting, but the death of their illusions was their problem, not hers.

"I thought Changelings were nearly black," the Big Guy said, and Hotaru translated.

"Most are," Sapphire said, "But I still get the sense, that they are Changelings."

The Big Guy told the two suspicious alicorns.

"He said you feed on love, right?" Derpy asked.

Sapphire nodded. And suddenly she was Dinky. Dinky jumped beside her.

"Which one, momma?" one Dinky called.

"Which one?" the other said.

"Both!" Derpy hugged both.

A moment later, Sapphire reformed and stepped away, or tried to, Derpy grabbed her and kept hugging.

"So we go out there and offer to feed them," Derpy said, "Like setting out a muffin for a friend in the morning."

Hotaru rolled over laughing. "Free food for the right to explore your ancient city!" she said as she laughed.

Derpy's ears went flat. "What's wrong with it?" Derpy asked.

"Nothing," Sapphire said.

"It's perfect, it's simple, and it's so crazy, it'll probably work," Hotaru said and laughed, cheering Derpy back up, "Changelings are used to hiding. So we rush out there like an attack buffet, they won't know what to do." Hotaru ignored the thing on her butt trying to knock her over as it swung side to side. She was grinning at the pegasus.

"Charge of the food!" Dinky called and led the group back out. Derpy, Hotaru and the Big Guy followed.

"I surrender the Diarchy of the Sun and all that goes with it," the Big Guy said, "That should take care of 'end of the Solar Diarch' business."

"You're being weird again." Hotaru sidled up to the Big Guy. "I bet we've got one weapon that just might work on them as a deterrent. Unless you don't hate that place worse than I do."

"More, probably," he replied, "But lets go with Derpy's plan. But that is why we're safe from Celestia, the priests told her 'if the Solar Diarch goes to the ancient lands, the end of the Solar Diarch will follow'. I just ended as Solar Diarch."

"You're being weird again."

"You said that already," he replied.

"It bears repeating. I prefer Derpy's plan. It's simple."

The pair raced to join Derpy's group's charge and a huge snow monster appeared. It howled in rage as its claws rent the air. Derpy paused, and glanced at Sapphire. The Changeling nodded.

"Pony pile!" Derpy shouted and the group raced at the target, tackling the two changelings out of the manipulated snow. The two struggled to escape for a moment, then became strangely quiet as the ponies and human hugged them. Hotaru kept an eye out for trouble, and laughed at the two alicorns keeping their distance.

After a few minutes, the group let the surprised changelings up, and Derpy told them, "We can do the same for your children. We want to be friends."

But we can also defend ourselves, Hotaru thought, Considering the goat of Ponyville took out one of you all by her lonesome, you aren't the combatants you might think you are.

The two changelings trotted away. One of them stopped to wave, and galloped after the other.

"Now, we go back to the house. The mail's been delivered. The reply should come soon," Derpy said.

"One of them was an immature queen," Sapphire said, "We - she is especially vulnerable. A queen's supposed to be a conduit for love-food for the entire hive. It can get pretty overwhelming, when it's directed at you, not your disguise."

Derpy snorted. "Even I figured that out."

Sapphire blushed as mother and daughter sandwiched her between them and headed back for the house.

The trains had started arriving. Not from Dodge Junction, but from Canterlot. The party preparations were going on all around them as news of the defeat of the bandits spread.

The knock on the door was the eighth, and only Spike was available to answer it.

"Doctor Paint Stroke, of the National Gallery," the unicorn presented her card, "I assume Miss Twilight Sparkle is in."

Spike pointed to the fourteen-way argument going on in the main floor of the library. "Equestrian Art Preservation Society, Equestrian Literature Society, Royal Library, Royal Architectural Society, and some others," Spike said as he thumbed through a box of business cards and placed the latest among them. He'd sent Applebloom off a little while ago, all he had to do was wait for the cavalry. He rushed to the center of the intellectual scrum and tried to get poor Twilight some breathing room.

"Surely the National Gallery is the correct place," one mare brayed.

"The entire collection must be kept as it is, so the synergy can be maintained," another noble countered.

"Certainly copies in place of the originals could do that," a third added. "But that's unimportant. The tapestries and pony butchering rooms must be removed and examined."

Twilight tried to interject several times, but the could not override the arguers who'd evidently started on the train ride from Canterlot and looked to be willing to continue until doomsday, or they got their way.

The rope dropping on all of them heralded the beginning of the end of the siege. "Ya'all need to get prettied up so the Princess can sort this all out," Applejack said as she and Big Mac hauled the lassoed group out of Twilight's face, and thence out of the library.

"Town Hall?" Big Mac asked.

"Town Hall," Applejack agreed.

Spike got a chance to see Twilight without her head whipping around like a leaf in the wind. Her mane looked worse than it had leading up to the Smarty-Pants incidence. Despite the empty room, she still glanced around furtively, as it the very books themselves would start shouting their demands at her.

"Darling."

For once, Spike was not glad to see Rarity.

"No you can't have his furniture, you can't have his paintings, his books are going back in his house, and there is no pony butchering room," Twilight shouted, and stood, chest heaving, she focused on Rarity, the madness still upon her, "You can't have his clothes."

Rarity took a very genteel approach to her friend. "I am here to return this." She levitated the book over to Twilight. "It was a loan, and now that he's gone, It isn't right to keep it, as much as I want to."

The shame seemed to calm the other unicorn down. "I'm sorry, where did all these ponies find out about this, find out before the Princess told me, and where are they all coming from?"

"Canterlot, for the moment," Rarity said, "And there will be others from Manehatten, Baltimare, Van Hoover, and from the other nations." Rarity looked at the room where Mystery and Sveti were hiding. "I suspect that the Sparkle Siege will continue until all the goods are distributed by the crown. You are Her Highness' student, and a resident here. They'll continue whispering in your ear to get what they want."

"That wasn't whispering, Rarity," Spike said, "I'm just glad he gave me my books before he left."

"Gave?" Rarity asked, and worriedly glanced at Twilight's sudden interest.

"A present, books about dragons," Spike said, then noticed Twilight's mad expression, but insane and furious, "I kept the note he gave me, so I have clear title."

Thankfully, Twilight relaxed. She relaxed a little much as she collapsed on the floor of the library. "This is all a misunderstanding," Twilight said, "A breakdown in communications. Nobody wanted him gone, not really, and not this way."

"Have you seen some of the banners praising her Highness' actions?" Rarity asked carefully as she trotted to a window and drew aside the curtain. "I think you will find there are a great many who see it as the return to normalcy."

Twilight felt her ears go flat as she trotted over. She looked out the window where Rarity was pointing. While the defeat of the Baltimare bandits had first billing, the banishment of the Ponyville Monster had a strong showing as well. Twilight sat down with a thump. "Celestia will straighten this out when she gets here," Twilight said and laughed. She glanced at the cringing Rarity and added, "I hope."

Pinkie pulled another batch of cupcakes from the oven and began decorating them. She heard the ruckus outside and felt conflicted. I never thought there'd be a party I wanted no part of, she considered. She saw the Cakes looking at her worriedly as she went through the routine with all her usual energy, but none of her usual enthusiasm. She slid another tray into the oven, and set the timer. She watched for a while. Then a clawed hand rested on her shoulder.

She turned to see Sunshine standing there, with his forbidding wintry smile. He knew it wasn't hostile, it was just fierce, like him.

"I have my contacts out, they'll find where he's gone. And I think you need a break, and to go see your friend Twilight. She's been rather busy in the last few hours. A little pick-me-up might do both of you some good," he told her softly, then went back to being the stern, old bird.

She spoiled it by hugging him, "Thank you."

She collected a few treats and got a nod from the Cakes, before she headed over to Twilight's.

The double ring of Guards around the door to the Big Guy's house and the crowd surrounding them did nothing to lighten Pinkie's mood. She wasn't all the way to Pinkamena levels, but it was close. "Twilight?" she asked as she entered the library. Rarity was there, along with their despondent friend.

"What happened?" Twilight asked, looking up at Pinkie with apprehension.

"Uh, cookies, cupcakes and a few muffins?" Pinkie asked.

Twilight relaxed and so did Pinkie. "Maybe he's just taking a vacation," Pinkie said, "Derpy and Dinky are only going to be gone for three weeks."

"This is hardly the way to take a vacation," Rarity said as she helped Pinkie dole out the treats. "This is insanity."

"Maybe Discord took over his brain?" Pinkie offered.

"That doesn't explain the Writ, or that all those people from Canterlot knew and came down. I feel like we're chasing vultures away from a sick cow," Twilight said.

"Well, it was printed in Canterlot," Rarity said, "Somepony must have talked."

Twilight nodded. "We wait for the Princess."

Another short-frequency colored pony was marching through the Canterlot gardens towards one statue in particular. Luna knew she shouldn't shout at the nobles, the reporters, or her own daughter, but she needed to vent her spleen on someone who was actually there and had some culpability in ruining her day beyond all previous limits.

"Congratulations," she told Discord's statue, "You and he have achieved true synergy, and have all of ponykind as addled and insane as you hoped them to become. I certainly hope you're satisfied, because I don't think my ears will stop ringing for days."

The spontaneous celebrations had cropped up in various quarters in Canterlot and were swift spreading to even the royal palace. The defeat of the bandits of the Baltimare Woods, was heralded as a triumph, as was the ensuing banishment of the Monster of Ponyville. All praise the wisdom and cunning of Celestia.

Because she had nothing to do with it, and is not where I can contact her easily. My missive to Twilight returned unread the instant it was sent, which can only mean their bedlam matches our own. And that of the Royal Palace of Canterlot. Perhaps the moon would be a good place to hide for a decade or two, she thought.

As she turned to return to the throne room, she saw the reporters behind the hedges and the walls of guards, again they barraged her with questions. If this is your revenge, it is an effective one, Luna thought as she gathered her hauteur around her and walked back to the throne room. 'An electric muffin-making machine', a 'pony carving room'? Where do they get this stuff?

"We have not yet decided on the disposition of his good, chattels and home," she told the crowd waiting outside the palace gates, "Specific questions about individual items will not avail you."

She considered telling the guards to clear the throne room before she arrived, but with the entire city celebrating it seemed ill-advised.

I thought only Pinkie Pie could conjure a celebration this quickly, Luna thought as she glanced out the window at the parade floats rumbling down the main street.

One of the guards on the train had a guitar and was singing a song of her own composition. The tone of the song was doing nothing for Celestia's sense of well-being.

Dodge has got its cowpokes
Baltimare has its bums
Woods between got Jimson Weed
He's a sidewindin' son of a gun
Yeah, he mean and dumb and a stallion
But he stronger than a country hoss
And when the bad ole nags get together at night
You know they all call Jimson "Boss", just because
And they say

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on ole Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well outta lil' Ponyville come a alien
He say I'm lookin' for a hoss called Jim
I am a straight-shootin' boy
No 'Celestia's toy'

And he lookin no less than grim
I'm trampin' through the woods of Baltimare
Seein' if I can find their king
Last week he chops some honey
And it may sound funny
But I come give some real payback
And everybody say Jack don't you know

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well a hush fell over the woods there
Cause Jim had come boppin' out of the heat
And when the fightin' wa' done
The only part that wasn't bloody
Was the soles of the monster's feet
Jim was cut in a hundred places
And he been shot in a couple more
And you better believe
They sung a different kind of story
When Jimson hit the floor.
Now they say

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him

Yeah, the boss got his hat
Find out where it's at
And it's not hurtin' people strange to you
Even if you live in a messed-up, magic-proof slew

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him

She could appreciate the music, but the rather bloody description of a basically bloodless battle bothered her. Then she thought of the horribly broken expressions on the ponies who walked so placidly out of the bunker under the old fort. She and the other ponies had been terrorized by the effect of the depth charges in the movie. He'd intentionally used that on the bandits.

I'm going to have to do something about that, she thought as tried to consider an appropriate punishment for brutalizing these ponies. Brutalizing ponies who cut off another pony's horn and frightened her so badly that she cannot cast magic. Yet none of them were hurt, just frightened out of their wits, she thought, Would I even be considering punishment if Captain Armor or Twilight had come up with this plan? Beyond a stern rebuke?

"Your Highness," Captain Armor said as he intruded on her thoughts, "We will be stopping at Ponyville for a while. I think it's best if we take the prisoners in shifts to get food and water, and let them take care of their business. We should be here for about an hour and a half."

"Thank you, Captain," she said, "I would like to get out and stretch - my - legs." She saw the banners and read them.

Captain was just as confused as she was. "I get the defeat of the bandits. What's this 'Banished the Monster' stuff?" he asked.

"Let's go find out," Celestia said, and caught a glance from Armor indicating she hadn't concealed her nervousness as well as she had hoped.

The cheers that answered her appearance felt good, then she saw the signs. A lot of them, and uncomfortable lot of them had variations on the theme of 'banished the monster'. A quick glance to Captain Armor while she waved to the crowd.

He mouthed 'Twilight' and she nodded, the two of them heading for the Ponyville Library. Celestia continued to smile and wave to the adoring ponies, but her heart was beginning to dread what she'd find. The calls admiring her bravery in finally doing something about the monster were taking her deliberations in an ominous turn.

They can't mean the Big Guy, she thought, I knew others called him 'the Ponyville Monster' but I didn't think Ponyville had adopted it.

The worried looks from Captain Armor at the signage and the shouts of praise set Celestia on edge. The crowd surrounding the library was a further sign that something unexpected was happening. Pounding on the door and shouting things to those presumably inside did nothing to bolster either's confidence.

"Make way, make way," Armor told the crowd, mostly Canterlot nobles and VIPs, as he cleared them away from the door.

What are they all doing here? she wanted to ask.

She knocked. "Twilight, Twilight Sparkle?"

The door didn't so much open as evaporate. "I CANNOT DIVIDE UP THE BIG GUY'S ESTATE NO MATTER HOW WORTHY YOUR CAUSE."

The force of the sound pushed Celestia back a handful of paces.

"JUST GO HOME UNTIL I CAN TALK TO THE PRINCESS!" an utterly disheveled Twilight said in the Royal Canterlot Voice squared, then slammed the door. Apart from the echo of that slam, silence reigned.

Celestia heard from behind the door. "Twilight, dear, that was the Princess."

The door opened so fast it seemed to vanish, and Twilight stared at her with a mulish expression. Her disheveled mane and tail were worse than the Smarty Pants doll incident, but her expression was more lucid. Furious, but lucid. Then she saw a bit of comprehension, and even joy beginning to peek out of her expression.

Celestia smiled. "Twilight, what's going on?" Celestia asked quietly.

Wrong question, Celestia realized as Twilight's face froze. She took the opportunity to walk into the library, followed quickly by Shining Armor.

"Go back to your homes, we'll sort this out," he told them and closed and bolted the door.

" 'What's going on?'" Twilight asked, " 'What's going on?'" Twilight laughed once, then again. The kind of laugh you heard in movies, just before the ax murderer struck. " 'What's going on?'" Twilight repeated as she began walking in a circle, "'What's going on?"" she asked again before bursting into laughter, which very quickly became sobs as she collapsed to the ground. Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Spike put aside their fire extinguishers and tried to comfort her. But all Twilight would do was repeat the question.

"Forgive us your Highness," Rarity said, "She's just the teasiest bit stressed."

Twilight let out a heart wrenching sob and buried her face in her hooves.

"Spike, Captain Armor, please take her to her room and get her tucked in," Rarity said, and ran a hoof through her mane. She sighed, while perfectly coifed to most eyes, she obviously thought herself as mussed as Twilight had been. "Your Highness, I beg your pardon, but was what the Big Guy did against the Baltimare Bandits really worth banishing him from Equestria?"

Twilight's insanity seemed a more rational place to be.

The whole group sat around the dining room table and tried to make sense of the Big Guy's obvious brain damage. "So how would any of that be punishment to the pony-sisters? And why would you want to punish them in the first place?" Dinky asked then ate some of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich while she waited for the translation to go to the Big Guy, him to think of the answer and the translation to come back. Dinky gave Hotaru a bit of the sandwich while they waited. Dogs and peanut butter were always funny.

Unfortunately Hotaru knew that trick and nudged her hoof away. " 'Dinky, have you ever really, really, really wanted something, and your momma wouldn't let you have it?'" Hotaru asked, " 'No matter how good you promised to be, or how much you begged?'"

The little unicorn glanced at her mother, then shyly nodded.

"And did you ever see later that it would have been awful to have gotten it?" came the follow-up through Hotaru.

"Yes, a couple of times," Dinky admitted and nodded to speed things up.

"In this case, not only didn't I deny it to them, I gave them an extra-large, special dose. Heaped up, shaken down and overflowing. And they are going to have to live with getting exactly what they said they wanted, exactly the way they wanted. And they won't enjoy a single minute of it," Hotaru said, then glanced at the Big Guy to make sure it was translated properly.

He nodded.

I thinking Discord is also translating, but he waits for both of them to translate, Dinky thought, So he really doesn't trust either not to trick him.

"But, why?" Dinky asked.

"Because Celestia wanted some friends to play with. Rather than ask to be our friend, rather than ask to borrow being me for a day or two. She stole me: my life, my friends, my home, all my mementoes, and forced me to live her life without friends, and with Luna demanding I don't hurt people's image of her sister or their trust of her. But caring not the slightest if her sister hurt my friends, damaged my home, or hurt my reputation. That made me very angry. I still am." Hotaru didn't have to translate the last, the Big Guy's expression told it better than the words did, but his voice didn't show it in the least.

"You don't sound angry," Dinky said.

"There are different levels of angry." His smile and the gentle ear scratch of both Dinky and Hotaru told what he said was true. "I can be gentle and kind to those who are my friends, and I can plan to destroy my enemies with their fondest wishes, at the same time."

"I still don't understand," Dinky admitted, "But I can understand why you did it. If somepony stole mama away, I'd be real mad."

The Big Guy nodded. "So I planted some seeds in the court that she isn't ready for, and I also made her a hero to many ponies. She'll soon have all the friends she could ever want."

"How does that hurt?" Derpy asked as she set the plates of pancakes before them all.

"Dinky, think if your new, bestest friends were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon," the Big Guy said through Hotaru.

The face Dinky made required no translation. "You made ponies like that her new best friends?"

The Big Guy nodded before Hotaru could even translate. Possibly before Discord could.

Dinky shivered. "I can imagine not being able to get rid of those two," she said, then stared at hin, "But you said 'many', many like a dozen, or many like a few hundred?"

He said something, and Celly replied in his language. Hotaru translated, "Several hundred. Remind me never to get you mad at me." Hotaru chuckled at the idea. "Some of those idiots would be like grease and jelly mixed and smeared into your coat." She giggled as Dinky, Derpy and Sapphire squirmed. When the others stared at her, she translated and set the others squirming.

Celestia's legendary equanimity and coolness under stress was beginning to fray. At every window of the library, now with the shades drawn, were a dozen ponies extolling the wonderfulness of Celestia for banishing both problems. Others had signs begging their institute/foundation/cause should be given this or that bit of the Big Guy's possessions. They had the building under siege, even from the air, and did not appear to be eager to disperse. The Guard was keeping fights about the scavengers to a minimum. The whole thing was pushing her into 'mad Twilight' condition.

So, I won the contest, which put all the other nations out of the running, then I trick him into executing a plan that gets him exiled, Celestia thought as she patted Spike on the head, So I can tell everyone what really happened, or I can continue letting them think I'm a genius for disposing of the Ponyville - him so neatly.

"Thank you, Spike, I think I understand," she told him after he finished explaining what strain Twilight had been under the last few days. What would be her and Luna's strain until they could drag the Big Guy back and straighten all this out.

Here I was worried about what he'd do to my little ponies, I never considered what he'd do to me, she thought, Are we really that predictable, or is he just that unpredictable? Silly question considering Discord's reaction. It also doesn't speak well of my ponies. As a prank, it's devious and effective. I either admit what I did, and that he is the architect of this plan, or accept that everypony thinks the plan was mine. Neither is a good option.

She made the mistake of glancing outside and the throng was still there. She smiled and waved to them, then closed the curtains again. Very well crafted, she thought.

"How is she?" Celestia asked as Armor returned.

"She's calming down enough to get some sleep. With respect your Highness, I think you should have warned her this would happen. I never heard of this interest in his library or art collection. There's little interest among the guard of developing ponified versions of his weapons," Armor said, respect for his sovereign warring with his desire to protect his little sister, "Or I would have warned her myself."

Celestia hid her grimace and considered revealing what she'd done. She felt more ashamed.

"I did not expect this to happen either," she replied, "Nor did I expect ponies to celebrate this occurrence."

"He's clearly their enemy, your Highness," Armor said as he headed out the front door.

Bonbon was quietly considering murder. "It's all right Lyra."

"Why didn't he take me with him?" her lover cried from amid a pile of blankets.

Think of something, she thought, flailing around for any reason that seemed plausible and didn't reflect on Lyra.

"Because he didn't want to split us up," she said, "And I couldn't leave quickly. Once he knows he's settled, he'll send for you. And I can relocate my business."

Oh that's pathetic, Bonbon thought.

"You think?" Lyra asked as she poked her head out of the pile.

"I'm guessing," Bonbon admitted, "Thinking like him is difficult. But I can't imagine he had a lot of time to plan this."

Lyra pulled Bonbon towards her. "Thank you. Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Not recently, but we have time," Bonbon said and let Lyra pull her into her embrace.

Giggling, Lyra tossed a blanket over the two of them.

The party lasted into the evening, and Celestia read the report from Luna, that similar celebrations rocked the capital. Reports that Baltimare was also celebrating did not gladden her heart.

"Highness?" Twilight said as she came down the steps wiping her eyes.

"Twilight," she said, feeling a sense of stability returning, "Spike explained all that he knew. I had not expected this would occur."

"Then what do we do?" Twilight asked.

"What do you believe is the best course?" Celestia asked, trying to make it seem this was a test, rather than a calamity.

"Put the books back, and ensure the Apples can stay in the house," Twilight said.

"And?" Celestia asked, but grinned to let Twilight think she'd gotten the most important points right.

Twilight's eyes crossed as she considered.

"Locks, security," Celestia said, "The last thing you want is some desperate pony slipping in there and getting a hoof on something dangerous. Like the rifle he used on those plants. Or the light powder he blinded the Diamond Dogs with."

"Or the cinemas he showed us." Twilight nodded. "I think I'll need a few of the Guard. Are you going to go back through the doors to your quarters?"

"The doors no longer exist," Celestia said, relaying one of the more disturbing reports she'd received.

"How could he unmake them?" Twilight asked, "Discord made them. As crazy as Discord is, he doesn't make things that fragile."

"However he did it, he did, and I doubt there's anything I could do," Celestia said, "I can travel straight through and come in through the caverns under Canterlot. If we could control them, the bandits could travel the same way."

"I think that's a bad idea," Twilight offered and scuffed a hoof on the ground.

Nervous about offending her princess, Celestia thought, And he wonders why I did what I did. As an alien, I was a person. As Princess, I'm only a thing. I don't even mind that he hates me. At least if he hates me, then he cares.

"I agree, but it is a possibility," she said, "You should spend some time with your brother, before we return to the capital."

"Really?" Twilight asked, her spirits rising, "You wouldn't mind?"

"No, go and have fun," Celestia said. She waited until Twilight was gone to look around, and ignore the feeling of the walls closing in on her.

The flash of green fire ended the screaming and the convulsions. Dinky and Derpy held Sapphire as she breathed. "Srrry," the changeling said between clenched teeth, "Hzz ta alien. All hurzz."

The Big Guy touched her, and she felt his affection as Dinky and Derpy practically poured out theirs to her. He said something apologetic. She nodded in response.

"I'm sorry," Dinky said, "I thought if you could become him, you could talk to him." She nuzzled the changeling.

"It was like being on fire and running for your life all at once," Sapphire admitted. She looked at the Big Guy. "How, why are you still alive?" she asked as Dinky and Derpy helped her to her feet.

Hotaru told him something which made him laugh. Then he told Hotaru something which laid the huge dog's ears back and caused her to back up a pace, though there was nothing in his tone or expression that seemed threatening.

"What did he say?" Derpy asked.

Hotaru glanced from him to her, and back several times. Finally she explained, "He said that she finally understands the human condition. Not exactly, but that's the meaning."

"That doesn't sound so scary," Dinky said, "What scared you?"

"I said what I meant," Hotaru said and followed them, she kept glancing behind her back to him.

Celestia stared at the bare walls of the corridor between Ponyville and the caverns under Canterlot where the house remained. The two other doors, one leading to the passage between Luna's and Celestia's chambers, and the other leading to the city proper, were both gone. The magical structure hadn't been ripped or torn. The spells hadn't been neutralized and withered away. They looked as if they'd never existed at all. Even the natural patterns are what they should be for unenchanted materials, she thought and stepped back to look at the place, You had to cut us off completely. Are you planning never to return? Or is there something else you want?

She looked around for any clue to what had happened, but the patterns were all normal. How do I keep guessing so wrong about his reactions? Herbivore, carnivore, omnivore, builder, soldier, destroyer, I've known them all, yet my plans for him twist out of my control. If Discord were out and about I would say it was his doing, but the fragment has too little power to do this, the Big Guy has no magical strength, and none of our other enemies has the power and subtlety to do this. So how is it happening?

The walls gave her no answers, so she proceeded back to the door to Ponyville. The train would take a short while to load, and the trip back would give her time to think, both about what she'd do about all of this, and what she'd do to him for putting her in this position.

The ponies had clustered around him again, even Hotaru had made herself at home on the floor with them. Since the bed here was not Luna's it couldn't take the weight of two alicorns and everyone else. So they had dismantled the bed and assembled the mattresses and themselves on the floor. Sapphire was also being cuddled by Derpy and Dinky, which made the changeling oddly uncomfortable.

Be careful what you wish for, you may get it, he wished he could tell the changeling princess, Others have not enjoyed getting their wish as much.

He vaguely wondered what they'd do with their new found 'wealth' and 'fans'. I hope they enjoy them, he thought as he settled in to go to sleep, he'd already prepared a few surprises for Luna if and when she came looking for him.

Outside, two changelings stood by the garage door and concentrated. They felt the miasma inside and the emissions of a young queen with no hive to transmit her emotions to.

The older changeling had faded from snow-white of the younger to nearly gray. But she gave a fanged grin to the other. "Your sisters will know of this soon enough. And I need to tell Chrysalis to stick her ovipositor in a thunder head. Won't the queen be delighted?"

"You take too many chances, mother," the younger said.

"That's how you get and keep this job," the gray changeling said and led the younger away.

The sound in the kitchen woke him. The others were fast asleep, and Luna seemed to be keeping her distance, at least tonight. A quick survey by the moonlight streaming in the window showed him that Sapphire was missing.

She couldn't be betraying us, he thought idly, Who am I kidding? Of course she could, but I don't think she will. She's got a steady food supply, and the possibility of more political power siding with these other changelings than she'd get by selling us out.

He noted none of the ponies had entangled him. Dinky was occupying all the 'valence' slots on Derpy. Ditto for Woona and Celly. Hotaru opened her eyes briefly, and stared, then with a flash of white teeth, she settled back to go to sleep.

The Big Guy carefully stood and let the moonlight issuing in from various windows guide him through the house. The very faint clink of glass on glass, and a moan brought his attention to the kitchen and his instincts to high alert. Sapphire was trying to go through the cabinet full of empty jars and pull one out, without making any noise, which made it ten times louder than just grabbing one.

She set the jar down, she shivered, grabbing her gut with a foreleg and then looked at both gut and bottle. "Too small," she lamented, and squeaked as he turned on the lights.

"Would this be better?" he asked and set down a plastic tub that originally held 5 quarts of ice cream.

"Glass is better, but I can't be choosy, I'll need at least one MORE!" The way she squealed the last word and doubled over brought him forward. She waved him away. "You did this to me," she hissed angrily.

From the way she was crouched, he wasn't sure where the yellow fluid that streamed into the bucket was coming from. His imagination provided several alternatives, considering the changelings absorbed energy for food, and the drones were sterile, that left a lot of unused orifices and plumbing. That and the liquid wasn't merely yellow, but YELLOW!! As in screaming, grab you by the throat, you could see a drop in the bottom of a coal mine at midnight with your eyes gouged out yellow. She filled the bucket about two-thirds full, and slid it away. He slid another under her and saw she had an ovipositor or something similar as a source of the liquid.

"I was happily useless, the joke of the hive, now you made me miserably useless," she hissed.

I think 'let the hate flow through you' would have unfortunate implications right now, he thought, And what is going on? This can't be a dream. This is neither Luna's nor Discord's style.

"What exactly is my fault?" he asked as she began relaxing as she filled the second bucket. He put a lid on the first to keep it from spilling. The liquid was warm, warmer than her body temperature, and the outside of the container felt strange, almost inviting. He quashed the impulse to take a drink of the stuff. Despite the color and thickness, I can't decide if it smells like chicken soup, warm bread, or a whiskey sour. It's like it changes, weird.

"An infiltrator is supposed to take a guise and love is directed to that guise," she said, "But oh no, you couldn't just see the poor, scared pony, you had to look beneath and direct your love at me. Do you have any idea what you've done? Then you taught all the ponies to do the same. Do you understand what that's done to me?"

"Taught you how to understand and speak English for one thing," he replied as the flow slowed, then became an occasional drip.

"By the Hive," she whispered, more shocked than angry anymore, "And it's yellow."

"I think that requires a bit more fanfare than that," he replied, "What is it?"

"Why should you care?" she growled, then winced as the flow started again, "Can you stop that? I'm fine, just . . . quit caring about me for a while." She sighed. "I promise to explain, if you just stay curious, and not concerned."

"I apologize, and I'll do my best. Let's start with why you can speak English," he said,

"I don't speak English, you hear English because you're - my king," she said, "Male changelings, kings, are the only changelings who can give love to the queen, and they don't live long past the mating flight. But you bypassed that, so when I speak, you hear what I meant to say, and the same goes the other way. And you aren't going to have a mating flight, and you keep giving love to me, and taught the ponies to do the same." The flow had slowed to rapid drip.

He pulled out another bucket and lid and got it ready.

"The love that an infiltrator receives is directed at the disguise, and other than a small amount needed to live and perform magic, is transferred to the Queen and the Hive. When there's more love than the hive requires, it's stored as nectar. This stuff. Princesses like me can also make nectar, so can very experienced infiltrators. But it's usually green to orange, the closer to yellow, the better."

"But only a Queen can make yellow," he said.

"And only from very strong and very pure love," Sapphire said, and gasped as the flow resumed steadily and increased.

Dinky and Derpy approached, looking worried about Sapphire and her nocturnal problem.

"At least we'll have something to barter with, changeling currency," Sapphire said, "In buckets." She laughed mirthlessly, then waved back Derpy and Dinky's approach.

"This is normal, I'm all right, just a little bloated. I'll be fine," she explained. Dinky and Derpy sat on either side of the Big Guy. "Normally all this would go to feed a hive, and this much would have made everyone ecstatic, but it seems I don't have one. My mother must have officially cast me out. So it's got nowhere to go, except out as nectar. But this is completely normal, and as I said, the yellower it is, the more potent and thus more valuable."

Derpy asked a question.

"Think of a cup of that as a bushel basket of bits. A drop could feed a healthy changeling for a week, or restore a near dead one to full health in hours."

Dinky exclaimed her amazement. Then the little unicorn continued in the same vein, and Sapphire's eyes bugged out even more.

"Bigger buckets," the changeling managed before the ponies glomped onto her, and the flow resumed.

" 'What are you gonna do with 200 million dollars in the bank?'" the Big Guy quoted Under Siege, " 'Buy the Presidency.'"

Sapphire glared at her for a moment, then relaxed in the two ponies' grip.

29) What Shall the Darkness See?

Dan's Comments
Cultural Artifacts - What Shall the Darkness See?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 50

The arrival of the dawn received no clue, other than the house's clocks and the wake/sleep cycles of the ponies themselves. Sapphire woke and grimaced at the dark blue alicorn cuddling her.

"Don't you ever stop?" she asked, and received an ear scratch from the Big Guy.

"After all, think of what alchemy she could do with concentrated love," the Big Guy explained as Woona pouted adorably.

"You could just have her shapechange, and get it herself," Sapphire said and glared at the little alicorn, "Her sister could get her more than she could ever need."

"That's not as much fun as loading down the sneak-thief with so much treasure her bones creak with moving," he told her. That Woona and Celly also laughed was jarring, until she realized she could understand his speech, not theirs.

"So what do we have to expect?" he asked.

"Are we handing over everything?" she asked, and looked at the others. Despite being in her 'bug-pony' form, their affection was just as strong as it had been last night. It felt both wonderful, and terrifying. All the teaching to infiltrators to remain in the shadows, a 'sneak thief', but exposed and herself, she could have supported a significant hive on just what she was receiving alone. The implications worried her, as did the implication that the Big Guy already knew about the effect and was merrily driving it on.

Sapphire looked at Derpy and Dinky, they radiated food at her. She doubted any of them could understand what dread she was feeling at this moment. "Let's get the rest of you some breakfast, and then we shall see."

"Pancakes!" Dinky proclaimed.

"Steak!" the Big Guy said.

And they wonder why I laugh so much, she thought as she did exactly that.

Celestia had arrived as the celebrations were winding down in Canterlot. The news of her arrival seemed to fan the flames and they sprang to life again. Rumor and impetus outrunning the column of soldiers escorting the bandits to the gaol.

Soon, despite the late hour, the banners were being waved with even greater enthusiasm. The dawn was only a hint on the horizon as the column split. Celestia and a few guards headed to the throne room, and the bulk of the guards and the prisoners headed off for processing.

The court seemed to be running early, or Luna's Night Court was running late. Ponies cheered her as she walked through the corridors. Like the well-wishers in Ponyville and the revelers out in the streets, those celebrating the defeat of the bandits outnumbered those celebrating the banishment of 'the Ponyville Monster', but not decisively, and by numbers far too few for Celestia's liking. They also made up for their reduced numbers with vehemence, ignorance and a degree of irrationality. Discussions on simply burning down his home and all within it, to prevent the spread of chaos, were a common theme.

It certainly explains the siege of Twilight, Celestia thought as she walked and occasionally waved, The preservationists went after Twilight, the 'clean-slate' types stayed here.

The approach to the throne room contained the usually huge crowd that accompanied the 'after celebration' day at Canterlot. Some were desiring to find lost things or ponies, some to swear out or answer complaints, some to offer congratulations, and the last, smallest segment to request permission to serve. Oddly, there were lines, instead of the usual cloud of ponies. Going from odd to outright weird, a group of nobles were collecting the members of the two smaller lines and issuing them inside in small groups.

Celestia continued to her throne, passing among the groups of three to five nobles who were listening carefully to the complainant. Three nobles for 'commoner' problems, and five for problems among the nobles. The small reserve of the most level-headed stood off a short way to oversee and intervene. The nobles would discuss among themselves, with the complainants, and occasionally call over one of the level-heads, but rarely.

Celestia briefly considered putting an end to the rather bizarre alteration that kept her from hearing the complaints of the ponies of her realm, when a collection approached her.

"Highness," the gray-maned oldster said and bowed as much as she could, "Red Feather and Warbler have a complaint that each, in the heat of the celebration, did damage the other's instrument beyond immediate or feasible repair."

"Yes?" Celestia said, not certain where this was going.

"We proposed that considering the mutual extent of the loss, that Warbler replace Red Feather's, and Red Feather replaces Warbler's."

"Yes," Celestia said feeling more confused by the rational solution, and the deference with which the nobles who'd so ably arrived at the solution presented their fait accompli to her. "Excellent."

The gray-mane turned to Warbler, a unicorn with the songbird on his flank. "There, as promised, her Highness has heard and reviewed your complaint."

"But Red Feather plays the tuba! I only play the musical saw!" Warbler protested.

"I think that your effort in putting the tuba out of action clearly shows intent more clearly than the damage to your saw," one of the other nobles said, then turned to Celestia, "That was our thinking, Highness."

She nodded, to prevent the feeling that the world had slipped away from her. The nobles drew off, and another group approached, again merely asking for her approval of their solution. She gave it. And the day progressed. Every claimant was brought before her for final judgement, a few of the judgements the nobles had arrived at she overturned. She noted that the level-heads would disperse that group and reform a replacement.

She looked over the claimants that always took until well after sundown to process, and had dropped off to a trickle by early afternoon. The efficiency of the processing, and the well-thought out solutions stunned her.

It's like they don't need me, she thought briefly, and felt a stab of fear and betrayal, He set this up in only a few days? And the nobles accepted? How? And they embrace the task with, not eagerness, but diligence? What sorcery did he cast over them all to put this in place in only days?

The feeling of concern cut through her confusion. Or did he just push them into something they were ready to accomplish? How long? Have I been holding them back? Is that what he did? Is that his revenge? Showing that I am superfluous, a final rubber stamp for those well able to govern themselves?

She noted Luna's arrival and Selene trailing her mother. Both mother and daughter wore troubled expressions. Selene was fixed in childlike concentration, and her mother's dread was obvious.

"Are you, you?" Luna asked quietly.

"Yes," Celestia said, "What is happening here?"

"You would hardly believe it if I told you."

"Try me," Celestia said.

"Over supper," Luna said, "It looks like all the petitioners save those asking to serve will be done before we return."

"Yes," Celestia said, and called for a break for the court.

It had taken until the evening for the changelings to appear. Three groups in front, and one holding back behind.

"That will be the queen," Sapphire explained, "Although the idea of a queen with three nearly mature princesses is worrying."

"Why?" Derpy asked.

"Because there can only be one queen, and unless they are planning to split the hive into multiples, the new queen is going to stay here."

"So?" Derpy asked.

"You can't get demoted back to infiltrator from princess," Sapphire said, "There's only one demotion a queen or princess can get, and that's to mulch."

"Oh," Derpy said. Her ears as downcast as the rest of her expression. Then she brightened. "Maybe we can change that."

Sapphire was about to tell her the impossibility of that, when she surveyed the group around her. Maybe it is possible, she thought, but only shrugged to Derpy.

Two of the princesses were obviously in ascendance. The third, the one she recognized from their encounter, was not. The queen seemed neutral to the jockeying for prestige, and only showed a slight irritation that the third princess was not making a bigger show.

"These offer to buy us as if we were toys?" the largest of the princesses said, as Woona and Hotaru placed one of the 5-quart buckets in front of her group. Celly was placing a second 5-quart bucket in front of the second. It gained Celly only a sneer.

Then they saw what the princess they'd met earlier was getting and they were aghast. The Big Guy, with Hotaru in support, lugged a five-gallon bucket over to her.

No changeling alive couldn't smell that stuff right through the container, Sapphire thought as the third princess got even more bugeyed as the container was set down, clearly for her. Sapphire smiled outwardly, but fumed at memory of how Hotaru had commented how painful dispensing the nectar looked, and how it must hurt and drain a changeling princess so, especially with how much she was making. Of course that had turned the torrent on again, and intensified the worry they had for her, an endless spiral. Then she'd started in on how lonely Sapphire must be without a nest of her own, and since changelings fed on love they couldn't really feel it for themselves, and on and on. Every time I'd think I was finished, she'd make some crack and it all started again. With what I just set before that princess, I could have my mother delivered on a silver platter. And I think Hotaru knows that.

The dog just trotted back and grinned at her, as they reassembled and waited for the changelings, especially the royalty, to recover from the magnitude of the gift. Fortunately, there was always a spoilsport. The first princess marched over to the third, and glared at her. The third bowed to show subservience.

"Do you think we could be bought? Cheap dross camouflaged to seem like true nectar, hmm," the first said.

Sapphire was about to offer to let them test it, when the first princess kicked the drum, hard.

The clang and the first princess limping and howling gave all but her followers a smile. Celly grinned as the protective field faded back to invisibility.

" 'If you think I'm going to let you waste that food and wealth, you're crazy.' And I agree," the Big Guy whispered to her, "That one is trouble because she's winning the royal race, and she's stupid. The mother favors number three, but she has to make a better showing of herself."

Sapphire nodded, glad his words could not be understood by the others. "Perhaps you could try some of yours on your foot," Sapphire said, and there was an odd buzzing laughter from many of the changelings.

That earned Sapphire a haughty look, and the first marched towards her. The Big Guy stepped between them, no grin, no challenge, just an implacable wall.

"You allow your drone to fight your battles for you?" the first princess asked. Now the second princess ambled forward.

"First, he is my king, not my drone; and second, I don't 'make' him fight, he seems to enjoy it. As for fighting you, he's just there to give you a warning," Sapphire said and noted Hotaru had ambled up and lay down at his side.

"Oh I'm so scared of your 'king' and his little dog too," the second princess said. Her voice had a buzz that most infiltrators eliminated before their first mission.

Either she's never been out on a mission, or the prey here is extremely stupid, Sapphire thought as she watched the two princesses approach and circle.

The Big Guy watched one hemisphere, Hotaru the other, and the two princesses looked just smart enough to coordinate their attacks.

They jumped at the same time. And at the same time, both fell back screaming and thrashing as if they'd been set afire. Neither Sapphire nor the third princess were the direct recipient of the 'Bergen-Belson' that Hotaru and the Big Guy were unleashing, neither would even hint what had engendered it, but she understood the effect of such pure and unadulterated loathing and horror directed at a changeling.

The instant the attacking princesses hit the ground, the Big Guy and Hotaru ceased. From the third princess' coterie, a quartet of changelings approached. They bowed slightly and took the two fallen princesses back to their followers. Said followers seemed unwilling to approach Hotaru and the Big Guy. Sapphire recognized the subtle political theater being carried out. One of the drones vying for a spot as king was likely an old infiltrator. Too old to compete for the princess spot or actually win the kingship, but well able to guide the inexperienced princess. By rescuing the other two claimants, they were displaying both their unshakable loyalty to their princess, and that if they won, there would be few if any purges.

They're also showing that while the third has fewer followers, they are considerable braver and more loyal, Sapphire realized, And more cunning. The quartet had formed up in a line near the Big Guy and Hotaru, and their leader was making a 'bring it to us' gesture. Neither the human nor the semi-reformed Nightmare wanted to harm people who'd done them no harm. But when they glanced at Sapphire, she nodded.

The other two princesses took the blow and fell. I doubt this part will have anything like the force if they are merely displaying, rather than defending themselves. Making the third princess' followers look even more elite, Sapphire thought. She was aware of the belief that since changelings fed on love, they had no way to feel it themselves. While somewhat true, they could feel fond of things, and people. Friendship was not unknown to them. So the drone who would be king has her younger protege as potential queen. Does she understand what the fate of a king is? Or does she care?

The quartet were instantly reduced to mewing, squirming bugs by what had hit them. The Big Guy, Derpy and Dinky broke ranks and closed on the disoriented and squealing changelings. As soon as they touched the bugs, the cries stopped and the changelings relaxed.

Sapphire watched the queen as she reacted to probably her senior-most infiltrator, collecting a treasure trove for the hive as the attackers banished the negative effects of their own attack. Sapphire merely watched as all four of the drones headed back towards their princess.

They look like they're drunk, I guess the transition from nadir to zenith was a dizzying one, Sapphire thought as her 'troops' pulled back. In the distance, the queen herself approached. She tasted some of the nectar left for the third princess, and advanced with a few guards to stop a few yards from the strange group.

"And what do we have to thank, for such a bounty," the queen asked.

"My king desires to explore the city, it was appropriate to give a gift to those who live here, and then negotiate the privilege," Sapphire said.

"Not simply buy us?" the queen asked as the third princess and her four drones took a flanking position on the queen. Tellingly, her other flank remained open until the third moved up more forces to cover that flank as well.

So, you extend the offer, and they refuse to show deference and loyalty, Sapphire thought, Do you have any idea how low your stock has fallen with this little drama?

"No, you may keep the nectar, even if you refuse us," Sapphire said.

Not that you would, Sapphire thought, but kept her entire mien as emotionless as possible.

"You could brush us aside if we refused, or even if we came in force," the queen said, noting the two recovering princesses.

"There is a great lesson my king taught me, and I have taken it to heart," Sapphire said.

"Would you care to share his wisdom?" the queen asked.

" 'Don't fight a battle you don't have to win'," Sapphire said, quoting Sun Tzu. "We would therefore off er gifts and ask permission."

The queen nodded and gestured for her to follow. It surprised no one that their entire entourages formed up and followed. The queen's servants collected the nectar from the princesses and moved on ahead of the group. "As it happens, there have been some circumstances that such nectar is most welcome. Queen Chrysalis has been 'recruiting' among the outlier hives to add numbers for her assault on Canterlot. Unlike you, refusal was never an option, unless we made it so."

"I am aware of Chrysalis' plans and the belief that they are unnecessary," Sapphire said, "What she hopes to achieve can be gotten in any of a number of other methods. An attack on Canterlot depends on her taking and holding the city, and would turn every Equestrians' hooves against the Changelings. She and her hive would feed, the rest of us would spend our time dodging vengeful ponies and starving."

"Her plan all along? Join or die?" the queen asked, "Foolishness. We will not be dictated to in our own hive. Nor will we be drawn into a conflict that we do not need to win."

Sapphire smiled at that.

"How came by you such a strange pack of drones?" the Queen asked.

"That is a story several hours in the telling," Sapphire said.

"I believe we have the time," the queen replied, "And it might explain why you'd be foolish enough to let your king anywhere near that accursed city."

The small chamber was called the Sun Room, and was one of Celestia's favorites. That Luna had chosen it, spoke volumes. As they let the tea and supper set before them slowly grow cold, Celestia heard the entire litany of the actions the Big Guy had taken while in her body. "The temple, is a fake?" she asked Luna as her mind recoiled at the idea of the Seekers being nothing more than smoke and mirrors. "You wanted to say more?" she asked Luna who seemed strangely reticent after this equanimity-shattering revelation.

"He, explained, 'considering how manipulative you all are, did you believe the trait began with you?' Implying our actions should have led us to the conclusion he reached."

Implying as well that we do naught but manipulate. Considering the shocks he's delivered to the Equestrian culture in but a few days, he's one to talk, Celestia thought.

"If he was so interested in changing things, why did he stop at all?" Celestia asked.

"I think he meant to travel to the ancient pony homelands, and do something there. I know the legend as well as thee, that the end of the Solar Diarch will come there. You dare not pursue," Luna said.

There is far more to not going there than the Seekers' pronouncement. If the Seekers are a lie, then no such pronouncement would hold me, Celestia considered, So is it a trap? Lure me out of Canterlot, and deal with me a safe distance away from the ponies he does care about? And would he show such contempt to assume with Luna surviving, the Sun and Moon wold continue in their orbits? Or that he would find the ways the unicorns of old controlled the heavens?

"According to the archives, there has never been an expedition to the pony homeland, not an unsuccessful one that never returned, none at all. He may have fled to the one place we cannot pursue," Luna suggested.

"Or he may know it is a dreadful trap and is luring us into an ambush," Celestia said.

"When has he ever raised his hand against us?" Luna asked. Her tone made her sound more like a court petitioner than her sister and equal.

"What are you saying?" Celestia asked.

Luna considered the question, then found the only thing she could say distasteful. "You are being paranoid. Looking back on our actions, all of them have been driven by your fear, and everyone following your lead. He killed one Diamond Dog, and many of those plant monsters. All the injuries inflicted by him on ponies are less than you could expect from a VanHoover hoofball match." Celestia tried to speak, but Luna overrode her protest, "He delivered all of your enemies to you in a beribboned box. Even Discord sided with him to be reimprisoned. I have seen the banners and heard the terrors contained within his house. While he was the guardian, they feared to even speak of it. With your student as the guardian, they will hound her until she cracks. In all the disasters, he has placed himself squarely between us and the threat, and we have repaid his service with mistrust and attacks on all but the fabric of his soul. It is no wonder he thinks Equestria is no different from Tartarus, and the rulers: Dukes of Hell to torment the denizens. He even told me that there is an attack to fall on Canterlot itself, soon, and he was prophesied to slay the queen who led it. But after our treatment, he cares nothing for us, our fate, or our city. We will face the onslaught without him, as we wish. I suspect we will be as ill-prepared as we were against Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Tear Twister."

Celestia pursed her lips and fought down the bile at the idea of yet another attack on her ponies. "You are assuming he could do anything about it. How do you come by this confidence?"

"Save in dealing with the Pony Sisters, and your student, name one foe he has failed against," Luna asked, "And if Celly and Woona, and Selene Dreamer are any indication, he faced something able to defeat the Pony Sisters, by being something that could defeat the Pony Sisters."

Celestia felt only dread that such a creature still walked Equestria, and now hid in one of the few places she feared to go.

"Momma momma!" Dinky called as she carefully 'pounced' several of the nymphs, gathering them in and hugging them.

Derpy looked up from one of the more elderly changelings that she stroked gently as the old one sighed and breathed more steadily. She smiled at her daughter and the others scattered in the 'infirmary' tending to the very young, and the very old.

"Why?" the queen said as she watched the ponies, and the odd one tending to her most vulnerable. "When we refused Queen Chrysalis' most generous offer to be cannon fodder for her attack, she laid this curse on us. Why would your people ignore that and help us?"

"Because all of them have seen too much darkness," Sapphire said as she watched them and felt proud, "They welcome the chance to show others the light."

The Queen nodded. "I cannot imagine why any of these would risk the ancient city. There are creatures of shadows, forms unknowable, and screams given substance that prey on anything that walks in there."

"You would not believe why they are not concerned. It would leave you unable to sleep soundly," Sapphire replied.

The Queen chuckled at that. "After what you've already done, I will not gainsay your access. I doubt any here will try to stop you, but I would like to do my best to warn him off."

"If you have a persuasive way," Sapphire said, "I'd love to hear it. He seems determined and unshakeable."

Day 51

He had slipped away from the others. I don't think they realize why the Changelings never come in here, and neither does anything else, he thought as he kicked a small glowing ball ahead of him. It was a cheap toy, but when it suddenly went dark, it had served its purpose.

He reached out his hand towards the area where the ball had faded suddenly. There was no tingling, no feeling of heat or cold. He stepped through the theoretical limit of the barrier, and continued on. He opened his coat and let the warmth surrounding the city drive off the cold that the half-hour trek had driven into his bones. He knelt to set the inert ball half in and half out of the barrier. It proved impossible as the barrier had some thickness to it. The ball either lit, or remained drained and dark. He left it darkened, then made a chalk mark on the pavement to indicate the direction he was heading.

Now, where's the likely source of the preservation spell? he thought as he looked at the construction that approximated a steam-punk/gaslamp-fantasy version of London more than any architecture he's seen in Equestria. So, how much did they lose when they abandoned their homeland? And where the heck are the Windingos? You don't go from exterminating a civilization to poof gone in a thousand or so years. The Hearth's Warming crew may have destroyed the Windingos who chased them into Equestria, but the rest of them just stayed here and starved to death? I don't buy it. Even after all the time abandoned, the place was clean. Not 'well-maintained city' clean, but Disney-theme park clean. I hope the chalk marks I'm making to chart my progress won't be removed too quickly, or constitute a capital crime by whatever remained in the city, he thought as he charted his progress for the compulsory rescue party to follow.

So, do they have cleaner robots/golems, and that's why no one comes in here? Or is any contamination dealt with by some other means? he wondered and spotted a widow's walk with an external stairway. I should be able to see what's what from up there. And then I should be able to at least make some educated guesses.

He checked the battery level on the digital camera. It had been fully charged when he'd left the house, and it was still fully charged. So it doesn't feed on electricity, maybe the ambient magic of this place was so high it could run the spell and all their wonders without taxing the casters, he thought as he climbed the stairs, But no one has ever come here before. Not the ponies, not the dragons, not Discord or Nightmare, they all stayed away from it. There are no bodies around, no heaps of decaying bones despite the buildings' paint still being in good condition. So either something collected them, or they evacuated and no one's come back.

He reached the railed in platform and looked around. No obvious ack-ack, so what protected the place from the pegasi just dropping incendiaries from beyond visual range? he wondered as he took a series of pictures of the buildings, and the ice ceiling. It touched a few buildings near the periphery, but at the city center, it was dozens of yards above.

"Okay, enough sightseeing," he told himself, "Where is what I'm looking for? In the big impressive temple, or that large office complex? Let's try the temple first."

Discord, you're awfully quiet, he thought, then paused, Discord, Tom, anybody home? Oh, terrific.

Twilight looked at the collection of small packages assembled outside the library. Every one of them had a business card attached to it. "This is worse than the gala ticket insanity," she said.

"As long as you don't decide anything, you can keep all this, right?" Spike asked. The little dragon backed away from the very bloodshot eyes of Ponyville's librarian, and presumed keeper of the biggest white elephant in Equestrian history.

"Get rid of them," Twilight said.

"How?" Spike looked at the piles that taken together would have filled the Crusaders' club house.

"Quickly. It's not my problem." Twilight walked past him and back into the library.

Spike shrugged, and took a deep breath. With an exhale of flame, the entire assembly was swept away. "Okay, now it's her Highness' problem," he said quietly and walked back into the library.

Once the doors were closed, a pony darted out, and set down a small token of esteem, and raced away. Within several, incredibly furtive seconds, it had grown to three.

Celestia breeched the pile of small packages. She took a moment to look at the cards adorning several of the packages. She lit her horn to reach into the mess, and started hauling when she hit bureaucrat. "Golden Pencil, what exactly were you saying about 'ponies trying to influence the decision'? Oh yes, that it wouldn't happen." She rotated the bureaucrat so she could see what had nearly buried both of them alive. "Do you wish to amend that statement, or should I let go and you can dig yourself out of this pile of 'never happens'?"

"I was perhaps too hasty in my assessment. After all, the elimination of the place will greatly benefit the continuity of pony civilization," the old, gray mare said.

"How exactly will the resulting civil war among the artistic and intellectual elites benefit Equestria?" Celestia asked as she broke free of the pile, the bureaucrat still firmly held in her magic.

"There will eventually be a consensus," the bureaucrat said.

"I can get three of you in a room with a question, and get eighteen well-argued answers at the end of an hour. And you believe that a consensus can be reached on this subject?" Celestia asked.

"Well, it is sincerely wished," the mare said and looked plaintively at the ground.

Celestia returned her to the ground far more gently than she deserved. "I am beginning to understand why he enthralls Discord and Nightmare so totally. Golden Pencil, we are not putting the house to the torch, as long as there is any alternative."

"We could always burn the books separately. No reason to destroy a perfectly good dwelling," the mare said, as if that would make the decision more palatable.

Celestia briefly considered launching an all-out attack on the ancient, pony homelands, capturing the Big Guy and chaining him to the damn house. It would only confirm all the things he said about me, she considered, Who cares? came the equally swift reply, What's really stopping you, is you'll never find him in time, and return with him in chains to a pile of charcoal and that infuriating expression of his.

She walked away from the pile of gift boxes, and the maids who were arriving to deal with them. Unfortunately, they were singing 'Yesterday'. The tune kept cropping up so she couldn't even have breakfast without a servant or functionary humming the insidiously catchy tune. The budget committee breaking out in a spontaneous chorus and then reminiscing about lost loves had been nearly the last straw.

I need him alive to take over his house, but I need to kill whomever taught the entire populace of Canterlot that song, Celestia thought, Decisions, decisions.

She walked to the sanitation meeting, and wondered how the day could go any worse.

Twilight heard the cry of 'Ooo pretty!' once too often, and opened the front door of the library to a horror undreamt of. "PINKIE!" she squealed as the pink mare opened another in the huge pile of packages, "What are you doing!?"

Pinkie cocked her head, then looked at the pile of opened boxes, the equally huge pile of trinkets, and the much diminished but still mammoth pile of still sealed packages. She looked at the panting unicorn, then surveyed the piles again. "Is this a trick question?"

"Why are you opening those?" the agitated unicorn asked.

"They're presents, and presents get sad if you don't open them," Pinkie said, "And you're so busy figuring out what to do about the Big Guy's house, they were just piling up out here," Pinkie said as she opened another box, "Ooo pretty! We got one of those, it always sticks the drawer closed," she said as she turned it over in her hooves, "Ooo instruction manual! I always wondered what it was really for! Who builds something just to stick drawers closed?" Her ears drooped. "Hmm, that's what it is for."

"Pinkie, stop that. Stop opening them. I don't want them," Twilight said, a feeling of total panic rising in her, "I was going to give them all back."

Pinkie giggled. "That silly. Spike got rid of the first batch, and a lot of people just built the pile back up."

Twilight stared at Spike. "How, did you get rid of them?"

Spike took a step back. "I, ah, sent them all to Princess Celestia. She'll know who to give them back to. Most of those ponies have a headquarters in Canterlot."

"You sent that whole, huge pile of," Twilight stopped when she focused on Spike, then on Pinkie, then on the growing crowd of ponies looking at the scene, so she said carefully, "Unwanted stuff, to the Princess?"

"Yeah, it was easy. I've been practicing," Spike said, his chest puffed out with pride.

"Aheh," Twilight laughed, a forlorn little sound in an increasingly deranged world, "Heh heh." Her ears began twitching asynchronously. Lot of the ponies started leaving the area hurriedly.

"Um, why don't I just sort of, spread these around Ponyville. Okay?" Pinkie asked, then leaned back as far as she could when Twilight stared at her.

"Heh, aheh, heh," Twilight told her. Her ears flopping like semaphore flags that any longtime resident could read.

Pinkie stared at Twilight's ears for a moment. " 'Cupcakes'? Oh." The pink speedlines and the sudden decrease in clutter around the library marked Pinkie's departure.

"Heh, heh," Twilight commented sagely, before backing into the library and closing the door.

Spike sighed, "Where can I borrow a wheelbarrow?" A moment later a pony slipped out of the crowd and left a small package behind. "Or a freight wagon."

"I am going to kill him," Celly said as she trudged through the snow, the line of footprints clearly visible.

"But if it's so dangerous, why are we going to save him?" Hotaru translated the question Dinky asked as the little unicorn ran along beside the cantering Celly.

"Because I was to kill him myself," Celly replied.

Dinky glanced back to her mother who had already translated the message without Hotaru's word. The pegasus only rolled her eyes and made a winding motion near her head with a wing. Woona and Hotaru both giggled. The snow and ice were fading leaving patches of weathered roadway behind. Some dozen or so paces ahead, a ball sat in the middle of the road.

"Hold up," Derpy said, and when Celly didn't on hearing the translation, she, Woona, and Hotaru grabbed her tail and hauled. "I said 'hold up'," Derpy shouted, "That ball should be glowing, it isn't. Something's wrong." Hotaru translated, then tried to get the hair out of her teeth.

Celly looked at the pegasus, she snorted, but quit trying to march. "Your point."

"He never does anything crazy without a plan. If he went in there, and left that right there, it was for a reason," Derpy said, and Hotaru translated.

"And that reason is?" Celly asked.

Hotaru laughed before she could translate the impassioned pegasus' exclamation of, "How am I supposed to know? I'm not a crazy, space-alien genius from another world. But stopping to think about it might be a good idea." Hotaru laughed some more at the statement and Celly's expression.

Dinky threw a snowball at the wall. It vanished before it reached the ball.

"Momma, momma, momma!" translated as Dinky pronked excitedly. "That's where this snow came from," Dinky said through Hotaru, and hugged Derpy, "Ice falls on the barrier and gets turned into clouds, and it snows out here!" As soon as Hotaru finished, the little unicorn seemed to realize the implications. She stopped bouncing and backed away from the unseen barrier. "Like the Everfree Forest," Hotaru managed to keep Dinky's tremulous tone in her translation.

Hotaru stepped over the little filly and sat down, surrounding her with her bulk and cutting off the wind and the cold. "I think that's a real good idea, not to go traipsing in there. Just before he met you, he went after something somepony left in the Everfree. Something that ate pony magic, and then pony bodies. Even the Ruling Diarchs had trouble dealing with it, and it was right outside their castle. Heck, I never felt it when I possessed this world's Luna." She repeated herself for the others. "This language barrier thing is a pain in the haunches."

"More reason to - " Celly began

"Stay put!" Sapphire said as she and the Changeling Queen approached. Hotaru put a bit of theatrics in her translation. Neither of the changelings seemed to notice.

The Queen stared at Celly, then became a duplicate of her. The Queen reeled for a moment, then steaded herself. "Relax, I can take your form well enough to communicate, but not match your power."

Sapphire was presumably delivering the message to the others that the Queen would tell Celly and Woona.

"That place will strip a changeling of disguises, then the ability to fly, then even the ability to walk. The stronger the changeling, the faster it happens. If your friend is as non-magical as Sapphire says, then he's safer in there than you would be. You stick your horn in there, and we'll be dragging your sorry carcass out of there by your suddenly non-ethereal tail."

The sudden laughter by the others, and their glances at Celly and more laughter made it seem that the speech was practiced and being delivered word for word to both sides.

"So quit trying to be a hero that doesn't need to be. There's telescopes that will let you see into the city from a safe distance. Use those first."

"What lives in there?" Celly asked.

"Nothing 'lives' in there. There's tales a sleeping god is in there, but whether it's alive is up for debate," the Queen said. She faded to her changeling state. Celly and Woona caught her as she nearly collapsed. The Queen said something which Hotaru translated as, "Quite a task."

"I think you're as difficult to duplicate as he is," Hotaru added, and did not translate that.

The huge temple complex had been a bust. It was more like a sports museum, dedicated to all things long and pointy. Mostly that meant horns, but I am not bringing Dinky in there until she's fifty with grandkids of her own, he thought and shuddered at what he'd seen, I can't wait to tell Twilight she used the 'Want it, Need it' spell exactly as it was supposed to be used. But she didn't give the Ponyvillians enough sharp weapons to kill each other over the doll. Or that she didn't extort Big Macintosh of half his crop to let him keep the doll. He shuddered again as he erased the 'X' he'd placed beside the museum doors and replaced it with an arrow pointing towards his next destination. I couldn't read any of that, put I could understand the pictures. I thought the Waffen-SS were crazy. No wonder Discord didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

"I'd rather not live through that again," Discord told him.

I was wondering where you'd gotten to, he thought.

"Just like you didn't want to go and pick up Nightmare from where I put her, I didn't want to come here," Discord said, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely. If you think the pony dominance games that disgust you are new, here's proof they weren't. The Windingos didn't show up because of a few stolen harvests and racial slurs. Unicorn uber alles, or Pegasi uber alles."

Were the earth ponies saints then? he asked.

"The earth ponies were more like the resistance, the Viet Cong, and the followers of Hassan. They'd think nothing of poisoning an entire school, as long as they could get away with it. Brewing potions was their magic. A little of the right fungal infection in the grain they delivered and the unicorns would go mad, or if lucky die. You don't want to know what they did to the pegasi they caught alone."

I can easily imagine it, he replied.

"No, even you can't. Think about that for a second," Discord scolded.

Okay, library or office complex? he thought as he looked at the narrow, empty streets.

"Think like Sparkle, library," Discord said.

He headed for the building that looked like an immense Greek temple. Say, that collapsed structure behind the door. The one I found when I was Celestia. It was a copy of this place, wasn't it? he thought.

"Yes, but that temple was smaller. The pony civilization is old, and contiguous. There were no great falls and rises. There were changes of which tribe was on top, but the pegasi and unicorns didn't usually destroy each other's cities and towns. So the records continued to be amassed. And there was only one language," Discord said.

I get the feeling this is a bigger bomb than the one I left for the Bobsey twins to untangle, he thought as he chalk marked an 'X' on the building beside the entry doors.

"You'd win that bet," Discord told him.

"Why don't we play a game while we wait?" Dinky asked as she carried the box for the game to the dining room table. The group, including all the Queen's daughters had assembled together in the Big Guy's house. And seemed as stunned as the ponies had been at the size, scale and furnishing.

"What's the game?" the Queen asked.

"It should be lots of fun, it's called, ah, Di - Dipl -oma - Dipolomacy. That's like talking and making friends, right?" Dinky said.

"You can read the rules?" the Queen asked.

"Yep. His language is kind of funny, but it's kind of easy," Dinky said, "It says right here, two to seven players, but he has this other board, and a note that adds some rules and a couple of maps so more ponies can play."

"I think I would like to play," the Queen said and glanced at Celly and Woona as Hotaru translated.

"Sorry, I'm out," Hotaru said, "Diplomacy has never been my strong suit."

"I wonder, these maps look like the big one of his home world," Dinky said. She got out the rules and started reading aloud.

The library was bigger than he'd expected. There were no internal floors, only the bookshelves wedged between the floor and the roof, the ladders leading up, and the scaffolding around the shelves.

OSHA would have a field day with this place, he thought, I'm going to invent guard rails and make a mint.

"They'd never use them," Discord told him, "Nothing bad can happen to them, remember?"

There has to be something better than this, he thought and gestured at the huge, self-contained safety violation, Unless assassination by defenestration was an accepted part of their culture.

"Probably not, it might damage the books. Some arrogant lardbucket falling from the top would splash all over them."

Good point, he thought in reply, Is Tom still hiding?

"Yes," Discord said, "He actually holds to some of your silly ideas that people, and ponies should be decent. This place has the misery of the downtrodden ground into the fiber of its being."

The central light well had an open area that he could guess dozens of reasons for. But none for the small cenotaph off to one side. A glass case with a nearly mummified unicorn within.

"She looks only a little older than Dinky, Solomon Seal cutie-mark," he said as he knelt beside it to peer in, "But I don't recognize the thing going through the middle of it."

Then it blinked.

He was scrambling back as fast as he could.

"It's for terrifying the nosey," Discord told him as he chuckled.

The huge fire and lightning figure of a unicorn's head filled nearly the entire open area. "You have trespassed on unicorn territory. State your business and be gone!"

"I have come to investigate the rumors of a Seeker living here, and to determine the fate of the unicorn capital," he called as he stood up.

"You actually told the giant, flaming head the truth?" Discord asked, and probably facepalmed.

I thought you were an advocate of doing the unexpected, he thought.

"Unexpected, yes, stupidly suicidal, no."

Did you feel like you were being looked at, looked through, shortly after we passed through the barrier? he asked.

"No, I was hiding with Tom," Discord said, "You think this is a set up?"

I think that most likely, he replied, Remember where we are. These ponies thought nothing of elaborate sorcerous deceptions. They never outfought their opponents, they outclevered them. From what you and Tom have said, and from what I've observed, Rainbow Dash isn't the only horribly competitive pony. If something doesn't fit her world view, Twilight gets downright mean. 'There are more things in Heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy' would get a buck in the face from Celestia's protege, and Celestia herself falls into the same trap. She's so used to being able to bounce the locals in whatever direction, she never even considers stopping, trying something and observing the effect. She already 'knows' what the effect is.

"This is the opposite, somepony is trying to see how you'll react against a known baseline," Discord said, "Clever, and very dangerous."

That's why I'm going by the mantra of WWPPD, he said, What would Pinkie Pie do?

"And here I thought you had developed some intelligence," Discord said, "I'll be over here planning your funeral. Do you want to be buried in a paper cup or is plastic okay?"

"Three days march to the east lies the temple of the greatest sage who yet lives. Get from him the secret of life, and you may return. Upon delivery you shall have the information that you seek," the flaming unicorn head of lightning intoned.

"The secret of life?" he asked.

"Don't you dare!" Discord warned.

Spoil sport, he replied, Besides, letting them know the rules now will make the game so much less interesting.

"Why do I love you?" Discord asked as they headed out of the library and back out onto the street. On a hunch, he left the 'X' where it was.

Woona looked at Celly with tear-filled eyes and said something the queen had no trouble translating as 'Celly how could you?'

The alicorn could give no answer. The queen frowned at their gambit having failed rather spectacularly. The pegasus had launched a completely suicidal set of spoiling attacks that prevented the Queen and her ally Celly from knocking Luna clear out of the game. In fact, Dinky had captured a huge amount of Derpy's territory due to her weakness.

I have to admit, I'm disgusted with my daughters, she thought. Her two eldest having ground each other to nothing, allowing her third and Sapphire to knock them out of the game.

"Ah, Sapphire and I just won," Dinky said.

Even the two alicorns caught the tone and the giggling from the pair. Everyone was rapidly counting the territory held by the pair.

"You certainly did," Derpy said and nuzzled her daughter, giggling with the pair.

"You surrendered all that territory to her?" the Queen asked.

"So she'd win, yes," Derpy said.

Celly was facehoofing, while Woona was laughing herself sick. The laughter from Hotaru sealed the fate of the 'more mature' players' ambitions.

"How did you communicate?" the Queen wanted to know.

"Oh a gesture here and there," Dinky said, "While you were talking down to us." The little unicorn's grin was positively malevolent.

Woona and Derpy were giggling. Dinky and Sapphire were just smiling. While everyone else around the table was facehoofing.

"Friendship is magic," Derpy said as she hugged her daughter.

The Queen looked at Celly and shrugged. The alicorn nodded.

"That's one thing I hope is real," the Big Guy said as he lowered the binoculars. The ridge was high above the city, almost to the ice roof itself, but it gave them their first real look at the sweeping size of the unicorn city.

"How are you going to get it out of the ice?" Discord asked of the airship that looked to be the size of a battleship, and had the smooth curves of a lifting body. It was no zeppelin of filled gasbags. It looked to be as solid as a warship. The ice hadn't crushed it, but it had immobilized it.

"With a lot of magic," he said. He turned to survey the road, it traveled across the plain and up into the mountains.

"The curve of the ice roof is wrong," Tom added as the Big Guy headed down the road.

Yeah, I noticed that the bubble the city was in had a pretty uniform curvature, this indicates the bubble is far vaster than our original observations indicated, he thought, That plays to my theory.

"The city is real," Tom said, "I can assure you of that." The rock seemed to grumble. "I don't like the idea that this is either real, a dream or a hallucination and none of the three of us can tell which."

There's another possibility, the Big Guy told him, That whoever is doing this is a reality warper. I could be wrong about the Seekers being fakes. Although the idea that there are ancient gods even stronger than you hanging around should give you the willies.

"Brr. And I was wondering how I was going to manage to have nightmares the rest of my life," Discord said. "I think you've left out one last possibility."

I'm not going to think about that one, the Big Guy replied.

"Was getting knocked to the ground part of your master plan?" Discord asked as what the Big Guy thought was a really big snake forced his face to the grass off the path.

"You cannot escape," the female voice whispered in his ear, "But you may yet live, if you prevail in a contest of riddles."

He realized that what he'd taken for snake coils were limbs, a few too many for a human or unicorn.

"No, don't do it!" Discord was screaming a warning.

Coward, he replied.

"Sure, what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at twilight?" he asked.

"Uh." Her grip slackened enough he could turn to face her.

Okay, human torso, wings, tiger's body, that's a sphinx, and I never got compared to a sphinx. Interesting considering they had one 2-hours walk away from the center of the unicorns' capital city, he thought, Don't you think?

"You really are going to do something stupid, aren't you?" Discord said.

Unexpected. Something Pinkie Pie, he replied, and heard Discord beating his head on the walls of his mind. The sphinx was still nonplused at clearly having her riddle stolen right out from under her. More proof that this was being staged.

"Me!" he told her, "Okay, that was a hard one. Let's try an easy one. What's soft and fuzzy and really, really lonely?"

The poor girl seems completely overwhelmed, he thought, A common trait for those facing Pinkie Pie.

"Why do I even bother warning you that this will end badly?" Discord asked, "Wait, why am I complaining about that? Tom."

"Popcorn's coming right up," Tom informed them.

The Big Guy blew a mental raspberry at both of them.

"Give up?" he asked as the girl stared at him. "You, silly!" He hugged her tight, somewhat reversing who was wrapped around whom.

She sprang to her feet and backed up, which did nothing to dislodge him or open the distance. "Uh, uh," she said as he rubbed his cheek on her shoulder and purred. "You do know I'm supposed to eat you?"

"Well, you're so pretty, maybe I'll eat you too," he replied, and let go enough so he could stand next to the furiously blushing sphinx. "So is it we trade riddles until one of us misses?"

"No, I ask you a riddle, and if you don't answer it, I eat you," she said, shaking herself and trying to get a handle on the new situation.

He poked her in the side, which made her shy aside and let out a giggle. "If that's the case, that explains why you're skinny. Not too many riddlers lately I bet."

"I am not skinny!" she shouted back.

"But I could feel your ribs," he said.

She blushed even more.

"Okay, what's your riddle?" he asked.

She got a smug look, then it faded to puzzlement. "Ah," she said as she sat down and began biting her claws. The furious growl brought their attention around. The black and gray wolf standing a handful of yards away was nearly as big as she was. The instant she saw him, she sprang. The Big Guy watched her put herself between the two. "Don't hurt him."

To which him is she referring? he wondered, then realized she was glancing at the pistol on his hip, Another thing she shouldn't recognize. Because if they had gunpowder weapons, they wouldn't have had the overwhelming power of magic. The girl's emotions are all over the place, I don't think she's had a happy life.

"She eats people," Discord said.

Oh, in the last thousand years? he replied, Good luck, even the Changelings would have noticed the predations.

"When we aren't being 'observed' we have to talk," Discord said, "And I don't think we're being spied on."

Later, he told him.

"That's okay, I have one. 'As I was going to Saint Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Every wife had seven sacks,
Every sack had seven cats,
Every cat had seven kittens,
Kittens, cats, sacks, wives,
How many were going to Saint Ives?'" he said.

The sphinx just looked more miserable.

"You keep that up, she's going to kill you on principle," Discord said, "You do realize that, right?"

Dinky ran after the Changeling Queen. The idea burning in her mind was driving her on. It seemed the perfect solution, and she wanted to share it. "Your Majesty, your Majesty?" she asked.

The Queen gestured to her guards and allowed the little unicorn to approach. She could feel the foal's emotions and perceived no malice, only boundless enthusiasm. "Yes, Dinky?"

"I think, I have a solution," she gasped between breaths. "To your problem. From the game."

"The game you and Sapphire won so handily?" she asked and smiled. She was still smarting by being out maneuvered by a pair of children.

"Yes, but I don't think you really understand what happened and how you could use it," Dinky said. She took a deep breath, and steadied herself. "Celestia, our ruler, is a princess, but Queens are higher than Princesses."

"The power of the ruler has more to do with the nation than the title," the Queen explained, then was hit with a staggering emotional force, of real joy radiating from the foal.

"Exactly, the words don't mean anything. Do your people love and respect you, that's what really matters." Dinky grinned, and the Queen found the sheer exuberance of this little one, and the heady power of love directed at her and not her seeming, was an exhilarating tonic. "You don't think you can be Queen anymore."

"I can no longer lay eggs, I must step down," she explained, hoping not to have to explain what a tragedy this was.

"Right, and for one of your daughters to become queen, they have to get all the challengers out of the way, right?" Dinky said, grinning as she explained what amounted to the murder of three people. "And some of the changelings won't follow anyone but one daughter."

"Very cogent analysis," the queen said, and saw the child's confusion, "You are right, and very clever for guessing that."

"Well, momma, and some of the others got rid of the lead mailmare where they worked. They 'kicked her upstairs'. You stop being Queen, you become Empress, Queen of Queens. Your daughter who met us the first day."

"Whirlwind," the Queen said.

"Okay, Whirlwind, she was playing the game to keep your other two daughters from attacking you," Dinky said.

"Dandelion and Snowflower."

"Right, well Dandelion and Snowflower were busy trying to keep the other, or Whirlwind from winning. But Whirlwind wanted to protect you. So Sapphire made a deal that she'd grab territories, and I'd grab momma's, and the two of us would win, without attacking you."

"You're suggesting I name Sapphire as Queen, she can't lay eggs either," the Queen said.

"But Whirlwind can, and her 'king' is your oldest friend. With enough nectar, she'd even survive." Dinky's enthusiasm briefly flagged. "I hope." I roared back to life as she continued, "So Sapphire gets made Queen, Whirlwind goes on to make eggs for your hive, as your assistant, with your advisor advising her. You talked about other hives not liking Queen Chrysalis, some of them might want to work with you, to prevent the attack on Canterlot. Sapphire knows some in Chrysalis' own hive don't agree, so that's more changelings that Whirlwind can be queen of. You become Empress, Queen of Queens, what you do with Dandelion and Snowflower is your choice, but you all get what you really want. That was how we won the game. Whirlwind wanted to protect you, momma wanted me to win, Sapphire wanted to win, and I wanted to win. So we comprised, uh, compromised." The little unicorn seemed to sag a bit after getting her entire speech out and nearly one word. She looked at the Queen with such open hope that the Queen couldn't tell her it was a ridiculous idea.

Why is it ridiculous? Because it's never been done? Because the other Queens would laugh? Because of tradition? she asked herself.

She gave Dinky the best answer she could. "I'll think about it," the Queen said, and suddenly had the little unicorn fasten herself on, and pour loving into her. She knew enough from her early days as an infiltrator to hug the little unicorn back. But she found herself actually feeling fond of the little one with her ingenious ideas.

It will never work, but if we try, it will move the real decision until after Chrysalis' attack. Then my daughters won't be so eager to throw the entire hive away as expendable troops. I might even allow them to be Queens and send them to Chrysalis with their die-hards.

"Thank you," she told Dinky, "I have much to consider."

"Okay," the little unicorn released her and walked back down the corridor, radiating joy that she'd helped.

These creatures are insane. Maybe that's how this will work, she thought and considered her own plans.

They sat around the camp fire, several rabbits roasting on sticks. Fortunately, these rabbits seemed to be the unintelligent variety, and none could solve the riddle 'Who is going to be my dinner?' both he and the sphinx asked them. He'd noticed that the sphinx he'd begun the hunt with looked like a 12-14 year-old atop the body of a tiger-striped mountain lion or puma. She'd slowly changed during the hunt, so what sat beside him by the fire was an early-20's woman atop a full-grown tiger. She also wore a skirt around her human waist that seemed mainly there to ask the riddle 'where does the woman stop and the tiger start'? Discord had been pouting since Tom had noted the difference. The Big Guy had decided not to kick him when he was down.

The sphinx brightened. "One."

"Wrong, if you think I couldn't catch up to that cavalcade and overtake them, you've never seen me walk," he said, "I didn't give you enough information to solve it. There's also the 'kittens, cats, sacks, wives how many were going to St. Ives'? So even if you answered one or 2802, you'd still be wrong, because I specified just the kittens, cats, sacks and wives. So it could be any number between one and 2802."

"You cheated," she accused and got up to check on the wolf, making sure he had gotten his fill.

"So I 'cannot pass without solving' your riddle," he said, "That means I can settle down right here for the night?"

The sphinx stared at him. "I suppose so," she replied, "Aren't you afraid I'll eat you in your sleep?"

"No, you said you'd eat me if I failed to answer your riddle. Besides, you and your friend have a cave or a hollow you sleep in, don't you?" When she didn't answer, he continued, "If you eat me while I slept, you'd be cheating. I suspect you want to ask your riddle, more than you want to eat me."

"You're taking an awful risk," she told him.

"Oh, I don't think so," he replied, "For example, do you know why a raven is like a writing desk?" He laid down the ground cover and began unpacking the sleeping bag.

"Huh?" the sphinx asked.

"Okay, I'll let you think on that one, if you wanted a house with all southern exposures, where would you build it? Or one with an all northern exposures?" He unrolled the bag and watched the sphinx move from her spot and amble towards him.

"I, hmm," she said, almost purring.

"Okay, here's one, in an ancient far away kingdom, a barbarian king had a problem, the son of an ambassador had fallen in love with his daughter."

"Wait, the son had fallen in love with the king's daughter, or his own?" she asked as grinned.

"Touche, the son of an ambassador had fallen in love with the king's daughter. The idea of the son of his greatest enemy wedding and bedding his child and the apple of his eye infuriated him. He could not simply strike him down, but he conceived a plan. The young man was arrested and taken to a pit for trial by ordeal. There were two doors, behind one was a tiger, a being of fierce claws and sharp teeth." He reached out and stroked the sphinx's foot. She yanked it back and seemed more embarrassed than offended. "Behind the other was the most beautiful and passionate maiden in the court, well suited for a young and lusty prince." He touched the sphinx's chin, and she blushed and turned away. Her hands pulled the skirt around her human waist lower. "The king, and the ambassador sat in the royal box with the princess. They accepted this as a legitimate solution to the problem."

"Ah, but the princess had discovered the identity of this maiden, and her barbarian blood boiled. It was her greatest rival, and her one triumph, catching the ambassador's son, was about to be snatched away and given to her rival. But in her passion she knew that part of her jealousy was they would be perfect for each other, and she would never see her rival ever again, her rival's string of victories over her would be unbroken. She had brooded through the night and into the morning, and was brooding still, did she hate her rival more, or love her first lover more. Would she dash her rival's hopes for a noble marriage, or accept that her lover would find joy far away in another's arms? So when he looked up at her from the pit, proving he knew her well enough to know that despite her father's safeguard, she would know the answer. She made a quick gesture, and watched her lover advance to the door she'd indicated."

"That's not a riddle," the sphinx said as he climbed into the sleeping bag.

"Yes it is," he said and he settled at her feet, "Did she indicate the lady, or the tiger?"

The sphinx snorted. "The tiger . . . no, the lady. The tiger, no the lady. The lady, uh, she was a barbarian right?"

"And she loved the ambassador's son with all the fury and passion of her soul."

"The tiger. Loved, the lady. Uhm, can I think about that one?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

"I told you it so you would," he said and stroked her paw. "The lady." He touched her hand. "Or the tiger."

She laughed and laid down beside him, staring at him.

"When I answer your riddle, what then, for you I mean. Are you stuck here waiting for travelers?" he asked.

"You seem awfully certain of the outcome," she replied, a slight growl in her voice.

"I will give you an answer in the morning. Right or wrong I didn't specify. It's just that, we have a similar legend, and when Oedipus answered the sphinx's riddle, she committed suicide." He reached out and ran a finger over her paw, and ignored when she extended all the claws. "That seems a waste. As barbaric as the customs were back then, having a sphinx by your side would have been an advantage. Having someone to talk to is always nice. So I was just wondering 'what happens next'? Isn't that the greatest riddle of them all?" He stopped ruffling then smoothing her fur and looked up at her.

"Yes," the sphinx said softly, "I am free of the geas once the riddle is answered, but my purpose would be at an end."

"Then I offer another riddle, what happens next? A riddle that unfolds anew every moment, and I promise, it won't be boring."

"I will ponder your riddles," the sphinx said as he drifted off to sleep.

He woke to a surface less smooth, much softer, and very much fuzzier than the ground. His 'pillow' was the rolled up bedroll, and his blanket was a great deal more feathery than he remembered.

Time to do a little careful teasing, he thought as he snuggled against the soft surface.

The short catch of breath told him he'd hit his mark. He 'woke' and raised his head up to look the sphinx straight in the eyes. "You know, the tiger isn't all that bad," he said and snuggled against her.

The heat radiating off her body and wings increased considerably. "Don't you have a quest or something?" she asked, nearly choking on the words.

"First, you have to answer my riddle. Will you come with me if I succeed?"

"Yes."

He sat up and took a few moments to let the cobwebs leave his brain. "Ask your riddle."

"What do you have, that the more you give, the more you have,
those who try to steal it can never find it,
it has no weight or measure, yet is prized more than wealth,
some who get it most never know it, but all will know it's missing when it's gone,

with it you can face death alone, without it yourself, you can never find it in a crowd."

Twilight looked out the balcony window, and just caught somepony adding another little box to the wall surrounding the library. The Crusaders were rearranging the boxes to give the wall crenelations and a stairway up to the battlement. Spike was doing his own rearranging to build a gated arch so ponies actually interested in using the library, instead of persuading the librarian, could do so.

Twilight quietly closed the window, put a pillow over her face, and began sobbing.

"I can't believe she thought that was hard!" Discord raged in the Big Guy's mind.

"Says the one who tried to steal and could never find it," Tom said.

"Has anyone told you that you're just a big rock?" Discord said, "It wasn't the answer, it was the goo-goo eyes from the way he answered it."

"More tiger than lady?" Tom asked.

Discord sighed. "No one understands art anymore." Discord suddenly perked up. "This place was magic dead, I'm feeling a lot of magic now, I mean in here."

"You know what they say about friendship," Tom said.

"Oh boo."

"But you are right, enough to test his theory?" Tom asked.

"Maybe, maybe," Discord said, "What's it like, out there, unattached." He looked around. "I'm kind of getting used to the place."

"It's empty, but you'll have a mission, and you'll have a place to come back to," Tom said, "What if this feeling is an illusion too? Can you survive outside?"

"No, but I'll just reintegrate with the rest of me. A bit early, but I have nothing really to fear."

"There is that," Tom said, "Fear. You never felt it before, because you never had anything to lose before."

"I doubt that was the lesson he's been trying to teach me all this time," Discord said.

"Maybe he failed to mention it because he didn't want to scare you away from the lessons you did need," Tom said.

Discord nodded. "If that's a polite way of calling me a coward, I accept." He chuckled. "Terrible master of all I surveyed, limitless power, and through it all, I was afraid."

"Look at all his people did without power," Tom said, "Perhaps your fears were justified."

Discord nodded. "I'm glad you're me, or I'd be very jealous of someone so clever."

"We, had good teachers, I just learned faster," Tom said, and waited for Discord to start to protest, "As you wanted me to."

"Has anyone told you how irritating that is?"

"Has anyone told you how irritating that is?" Tom asked.

Discord grimaced and then relaxed, opening himself to the power that seemed to be suffusing the place. When he opened his eyes, he thought briefly he was in the Everfree. "No, the trees are too gardeny," he said as he walked forward. There was a path of gold bricks. He walked along it for a while. The emptiness of the place began to bother him. He would never have admitted it, but being alone was the most terrifying thing he could think of. Probably why I created Tom. I'd take a snarky would-be butler over no one at all. 'Batman's batman', I must remember to torture the Big Guy to make him explain why that's funny.

After a while he broke through into a clearing. There was a playground with swings, and climbing bars, and other pony-powered rides. He also saw the unicorn not much older than the Crusaders or Dinky on the swing set, she had a cutie-mark, a pair of interlocked triangles and what looked like a cross between and egg and an alembic. She froze when she saw him.

Carefully, he told himself, Act like nothing's wrong, and ponies will assume the same. He got on the merry-go-round and soon had it spinning at a decent speed. It let him scan the entire park without appearing to.

The little unicorn went back to swinging. She wasn't doing it with much enthusiasm, just enough to keep going.

She's killing time, not really having fun, he thought, the urge to spice things up ceased when he considered he might be up against an even more powerful being than his current self. Instead, he let the merry-go-round spin down, and went to the teeter-totter. He balanced himself on the centerpoint and shifted his weight to get it to go up and down. He had a decent rhythm going when he noticed the unicorn had abandoned the swings and wandered over to watch.

"You, you aren't supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to have po - ah, people here," she said and looked around.

Discord looked at her, especially the eyes. What had made him so dangerous, was he could see the cleavage planes of ponies' personalities, so he could do the little things to send them over the edge. Celestia was so full of them, they were actually a defense, a crack would propagate so far, and stop at another crack. The Big Guy was a pile of sand, nothing Discord did would break him more than his own people had. But this girl had one that was fairly aching to shatter. A stiff wind would break her, he thought, then considered, And where's the challenge in that?

"Well, I'll tell her I snuck in and used my mind control powers on you," he told her.

"She won't believe you," the unicorn said.

"She will if I use my mind control powers on her," Discord retorted, "Watch." He pulled his brain out of his ear, unscrewed his horn and threw the horn as hard as he could. "Fetch!" The brain raced off in pursuit.

He turned to see the frightened unicorn hiding behind the merry-go-round. "See, if it affects you, it'll affect her."

The unicorn only quit staring at him when his brain dropped the horn behind her and barked. She stared at the brain, and the horn and picked the horn up with a hoof. "OOO! It's covered in slobber!"

"That's part of the game," Discord said.

Luna alighted from her air chariot with Selene Dreamer. The trip had been as much to assess the Ponyville situation as to escape the increasingly tetchy Celestia. The massive fortification drew her eye. 'Fort Twicornagogo' read the banner hung from the battlements.

"It's made of boxes?" Selene Dreamer said. She looked at her mother and both facehooved. "Everypony in this town is crazy."

"Unfortunately, we're here now," Luna reminded her.

"HA!" Pinkie Pie shouted from the battlements, and shook the helmet that looked like a coal scuttle, "You shall never take our fortress, we have oatmeal and confetti enough to last a thousand years!" She fired a blast of confetti into the air that rained down gently on Luna, Selene and the crew of Night Guards they'd brought with them.

"I can wait," Luna called back, "Remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Pinkie said.

"Besides, you can't fight us, we surrender," Selene called.

Pinkie was before them, her helmet held over her heart. "You can't do that!"

Selene looked indignant. "I'm a Princess, I can surrender whenever I want."

"But, the epic battle. The courageous last stand," Pinkie said gesturing at the sky, "The victory party!"

"Cancel the first two, but take us to Twilight Sparkle," Selene said, "You've no doubt thrown her in the dungeon at the center of your fortress."

Pinkie frowned. "Yeah, okay, come on."

As soon as they were inside the walls, Luna pounced on Pinkie and began tickling her mercilessly. "Beware the Trojan Pony!"

"No fair! No fair!" Pinkie squealed, "You surrendered!"

"Selene surrendered, I never did," Luna said, "TASTE THE FULL FURY OF THE PONY SISTERS' VENGEANCE!" She eased up and let Pinkie breathe. Luna facehoofed. "Now you've got me doing it."

"Okay," Pinkie announced to her 'troops' on the battlement, "To the victory party!"

"You have to take this down," Luna insisted, pointing a hoof at the fortress.

Pinkie yanked out a small box, seemingly at random. Then she tried to put it back. "Ooopsie."

A moment later Luna surfaced from the drift of little boxes that had buried the entire group. She had Selene in her teeth and set the filly atop the piles. Moments later, Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash dove into the piles and returned with Scootaloo, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. Crusaders were exchanged and the sisters aimed their siblings in the direction of home and punishment. Pinkie surfaced with Spike in her teeth. She set him next to Selene.

"Heh, heh, all done," Pinkie said.

Luna turned to the newly-surfaced commander of the force she'd brought. "Get these sorted, and ready to return to their owners. And shoot anypony who drops off any more."

"Shoot, Highness?" the officer asked.

"Yes, a pony should fit in those cannons. Give them a free ride out of town," Luna said and collected Selene, Spike and Pinkie, and headed inside the library. It was bare, no books to be seen anywhere. "She's downstairs in a book fort, isn't she?" Luna asked.

"That's where we got the idea from," Pinkie admitted.

Luna forgave Selene's giggling at that juncture.

The Big Guy considered singing 'Walk like a Lippizan,' But I'd have to explain Walk Like an Egyptian and Lippizaners, which would ruin the joke. He noted the happy canter by his new friend as he rode along. I never knew tigers cantered.

She was humming and playing with her hair as they crossed the distance to the sage. The gait just screamed 'happy and carefree'. That he was leaning against her back with his arms around her waist just added to her joy. "We should probably stop short of the mountains and start climbing at dawn."

"I'm glad you can see that far," he said, "All I see is the clouds."

She laughed happily and kept cantering. The wolf trotting alongside them kept looking at him with confusion on its face.

Discord pushed the pony on the swing higher. It was simplistic and somewhat silly activity, yet he was enjoying it. She laughed happily as she went higher than she had managed herself. Discord contented himself by pushing from the rear some times, pulling from the front or sides others.

The frightened squeal from the pony, Discord stopped her and watched as she tried to push and pull him into concealment. "She is coming, you aren't safe if she finds you!"

Discord found the idea of anypony protecting him both touching and a tad irritating. He let the little pony guide him to a place of imagined safety. Then he watched her return to the swing and her dispirited 'enjoyment' of it.

The flaming head of lightning returned, and now that he was paying attention, recognition began to dawn.

"I have sensed another," the head said, the faint growl was dangerous, "YOU HAVE BEEN FORBIDDEN TO SOIL YOURSELF WITH THE PRESENCE OF LESSORS!" The force of the voice pushed the filly back.

"What about greaters?" Discord said as recognition bloomed and he stepped out into the open, "I know you, Molybdenum Blossom, I know all your little hates and jealousies, all the pride you took in your vindictive little actions, and I know the joy you took in slaying your own son when he defied you."

The filly looked at the head for the first time. "You killed Star Swirl?" she asked, showing real emotion, rage, sorrow, and remorse. "You promised!"

"LIES! THIS IS WHY YOU MUST BE KEPT AWAY!" the pony head thundered.

"The unicorn nation," the filly said to Discord, ignoring the head, "It survives?"

"The pony nation survives. The three tribes living as one for the past thousand years," Discord said, "Despite your best efforts, Molybdenum Blossom. You aren't even remembered, but Star-Swirl and Clover the Clever are. Even that fool Princess Platinum is, but not even historians have recorded your name."

The head briefly flickered out of existence.

" 'Lies, all lies'," Discord predicted to the little unicorn and took on a bored posture.

The head remanifested twice the size, and three times the loudness, "LIES! SCURRILOUS LIES!"

"Close enough," Discord said and caught a brief smile from the filly.

"Do you remember what you really are? And why you must be kept from them?" the head asked.

Discord watched the pleasant surroundings writhe and twist into a pony's nightmare of a forest, worse than the Everfree. "That's great!" Discord said, "There'd be people who pay money to play here."

The head's horrified expression did Discord a lot of good, but the filly had collapsed and was whimpering and squirming as if someone had broken her legs and thrown her onto a slowly warming skillet. Discord felt an odd disquiet in his heart, he wasn't angry, but he strongly disapproved of this. He'd hurt plenty of ponies in his 'career' and even enjoyed it. He enjoyed watching them tear each other to pieces even more. But there's a difference between what I am, and someone who'd murder a child to keep a position of power, he thought, and massed the bit of power he'd been carefully husbanding, Let's see who's the biggest lion on the hill.

"BEGONE!" he called and dispersed the head. He braced for its return. The filly whimpered again, she looked like she'd been sick a long time. Her eyes were sunken and her flesh thin over her bones.

"She'll be back," the filly gasped.

Discord watched the forest return to its Everfree-like condition. He smiled. "I'll be waiting," he said as he gathered her in, "And I've got a few friends who'll make an interesting addition, or a legendary subtraction."

Through a combination of tea, soft words, and the swift and efficient disassembly of her fortress, Twilight was back in the kitchen and somewhat cogent. "Boxes," she said as if haunted, then she crept to the window and peeked out, "They're waiting, out there, for me."

Somewhat cogent, Luna thought, she spotted Selene trying to cut some eye holes in a box large enough to conceal herself inside. Luna stared at the filly until she felt her mother's disapproving gaze on her, she turned, and then put away the scissors and the box before returning to the table.

Luna turned her attention back to Twilight. "You were never given charge of the disposition of the Big Guy's estate. That remains in the hands of the Diarchy. That is for us to weather. You and the Apples residing there are to simply see to it that nopony steals from the place until the Royal Judgement is made. Understood?"

Twilight nodded. "I guess I didn't do a very good job," Twilight said.

"Like your mentor, you did a rotten job of befriending him," Luna said harshly, "Or in leaving well enough alone."

Twilight wilted at Luna's displeasure.

I wish I could get my dear sister to acknowledge her authorship of this debacle, she thought and sipped her tea, But that would require her, like Sparkle, to acknowledge that there might be something beyond her faintest understanding. Unlikely. But it does indicate pursuit is out of the question. Too many other traps laid in the path. She sipped the tea again to calm herself. And what of your part, the desire to 'improve' and 'do things right', can you overcome your own impulses when he grates on you so? she asked herself the question and loathed the uncertainty that answered.

The small village clearly marked the entryway into the mountains and the path that they'd been told about was visible running out of the village on the far side.

"Diamond Dogs," he said quietly, "I hope these are smarter than the ones I ran into in Equestria."

"What made you think the ones in Equestria were - weren't smart?" the Sphinx asked.

"Because they never realized that attacking me was a bad idea," he said as he slipped off her back and stretched his legs, "They had to have someone explain it to them in detail."

The Sphinx giggled as they walked towards the edge of the village.

He peered through the binoculars. "Those aren't humans, or Diamond Dogs, they look like the podlings," he told her, "A creature whose design was based on potatoes."

Tom, have you seen anything like those? he asked as he lowered the binoculars.

"Only in The Dark Crystal," Tom replied.

Gee, that's recursive, he thought, So nothing on Equestria. He was yanked sideways as the sphinx grabbed the binoculars. She kissed his ear before she looked through them.

"This is magic!" she called, "They look so tiny!"

"Ah, turn it around," he said as he slipped the strap off before he was strangled.

"This is magic!" she called, "They look so huge!"

The chuckling of the normally stoic Tom did nothing for the Big Guy's equanimity. "Science, not magic," he said, "And I think we can slip past them, and get to the bridge."

"Why don't I just carry you over the river?" she asked, "Bypass the bridge entirely."

"I didn't want to presume," he replied, "We could have flown to the mountain top."

She double facepalmed. "Yeah, we could have," she said. She looked up at him. "So you thought I couldn't or didn't want to?"

He collected some dried dung for a fire, even a couple of pieces of driftwood. "I thought you had reasons," he replied, "And I wasn't going to pry into them the first day. Besides, you seemed so happy just walking along, and it won't take us all that long to reach the mountain, even if we have to climb."

"You must think I'm an idiot," she said.

"Big difference between an ingenue and an idiot. You had no reason to believe you could trust me," he told her, patted her shoulder. She nuzzled his hand while it was there. She blushed when she looked and he was grinning at her.

"Now you think I'm a pervert," she said.

He finished building a makeshift ring of stones around the fuel, then set it alight. "No, I think you're very lonely, and having another person around who doesn't run away screaming makes you bolder. You want to see just how far you can go, but are afraid of going too far." He yawned and shook his head. "And I'm going to fall asleep in a bit." He rubbed his arms and looked at the setting sun. "This place is going to get cold." He looked at her. "Are you going to be okay?"

She smiled. "Fur coat, and I'm used to it." She watched him set out the bedroll and she laid down on her side. "I wouldn't mind sharing some warmth, and I can stay up and keep watch." She grinned nervously. And she actually looked like she was sweating as he continued to stare at her.

"No."

She looked positively crushed.

"You sit like that, all night, you'll get a terrible crick in your back," he told her. He ran a finger down her tiger's spine and smiled as she shivered. "Much better."

She stared at him as she rolled into the typical 'sphinx' position. He unzipped the sleeping bag, and laid it over her back like a blanket. "Is that acceptable?" he asked and grinned as she numbly nodded.

This is almost too easy, he thought, If this is some kind of test of character, whoever shouldn't have made the test subject with Wolverine's powers and reputation, Shadowcat's intellect and a lonely Fluttershy's personality. All that's required is absolute trust, and I win. Other than her wanting to marry me and have my kids. What is it about these creatures? A little authentic TLC and they melt like butter. He stripped off his coat and handed it to the sphinx.

"You're going to need this tonight more than I will." He shivered at the icy wind that was picking up as the sun set. A moment later he was under the sleeping bag. He heard her slip into the heavy coat, and then take a sniff. He felt more heat radiating out of her as she no doubt blushed at the idea of her own excitement as his scent. Although her tail was giving her away completely. She was wagging it like a happy dog, rather than a contented cat.

Discord watched the flaming head as it floated over the sigil that they'd burned into the grass of the playground. Combined with the rearranged jungle-gym, it wasn't quite an obscene gesture, but it was an insulting one. It was also part of his plan.

I should hate having a 'plan', Discord thought as he made sure the chin strap on his helmet was tight, and then checked on Molybdenum's daughter. The old witch had been a favorite partner/victim of Discord's. Like the Big Guy, she had a terrifyingly twisted mind. Unlike the Big Guy, she was small and petty and endlessly wanted vengeance against the smallest insults. I guess I shouldn't be surprised she'd do this to her own daughter. Lock her up to keep the city intact while 'Molly-be-damned' schemed to take over Equestria. I'll have to ask Celestia who finally offed the little tyrant, or if them putting me in stone canceled the spell to make her immortal. Too bad she didn't ask to stop aging as well.

He'd realized that the head was a parasite, stuck to the kid to keep her in line. Every time he blew it up, the kid became weaker. So, let us make the thing a laughing stock, rather than assaulting it. He glanced at the preparations and nodded to the little unicorn. Besides, a plan is only a framework on which to make changes, not an absolute requirement.

The head moved to where the scratchings on the ground, and the jungle-gym lined up and revealed all.

"Shoot," Discord called into the telephone handset. No cord of course, but there was a certain requirement to actions.

Ein Fest das Kanonenfutter fired. As well as einen Dachschaden haben, die Arschbombe unklares Denken, and Fred. Four 87 cm muffins converged on the target as dozens of smaller Discords and Toms reloaded the mammoth cannons. And high above, two full squadrons of B-1B's dropped their payloads and 'egressed aggressively'.

"You dare?!" the head intoned.

"Promising Hell, death and increased taxes to all within earshot," Discord said, and the little unicorn giggled, "Speaking of which."

He wasn't sure which cannon fired the muffin which hit the head in the side, but it hit the ear perfectly. More laughter from the unicorn as the other three rounds impacted. Smoldering chucks of fried or burning muffin fell to the ground around the head.

"You dare assault me, and with cupcakes?" it shouted.

"Muffins actually, but if you want cupcakes, the only one difference between cupcakes and muffins," Discord said and began humming 'Dem Bones'.

"Frosting!" he and the unicorn said together.

Discord pulled out a typewriter and began explaining. "Each B-1B carries a rotary launcher with spots for 84 500lb bombs, and six, external, wing-mounted pods for 20 more in each pod, for a grand totla, total, of, uh, hmm, carry the three."

"Five million, eighty-two thousand lebles," the unicorn said.

"I like your answer much better, I came up with one-hundred and two thousand lbs.," Discord said and snapped his fingers. "Each of the ten thousand, eighty-one bombs carried a lightning-head-seeking fuze with an interweaved, interflexing grommet of purest neutron-flow-reversed unobtanium and held together with cotterpins."

"Mister Discord?"

"Unfortuantely, un-fortu-nate-ly, on seven of the bombs, they had run out of the specified mil-spec-gbgk-004/bs/wtf/007/349J cotterpins and because they couldn't go to the local Office Depot and buy paperclips to do the job, so a brave commando raid was made across Checkpoint Charlie into East Berlin, detailed on the next 73 pages, were, where cotterpins were used to hold the tracks of the new, so secret even their crews didn't know they were driving them, Soviet T-82 & 3/4's tanks. Specs and how inferior they actually were detaining the reader on the next fifty pages, oh when I'm hot, I'm hot!"

"Mister Discord."

"Ironically, after the deaths of dozens of agents and the successful installation of the refitted Soviet cotterpins, they discovered that the Soviets, out of money and spares had been shoplifting paperclips from the very Office Depot that had been considered and discarded."

"Mister Discord?" the unicorn said.

"Don't bug me, I'm on a roll. Submunitions, submunitions." He riffled the telephone book-sized manuscript.

"But all the frosting bombs hit her about two minutes ago," she said, "Then she left."

Discord looked at the manuscript. "I missed it?" The vaguely smoldering typewriter. "The hilarious carnage?" The completely lack of frosting-covered, angry head. "The expression of utter outrage?" And began to sob, "By Eris Protector! I've become Twilight Sparkle!"

The unicorn comforted the sobbing draconequus.

Being roughly shaken awake was an unpleasant throwback to his days as a soldier. Being able to come instantly awake, and prepared to face the enemy, or beat the prankster black and blue was a talent he'd never lost. So when he realized the frightened sphinx was standing beside the small fire pit, with the wolf on the other side, and instead of darkness and stars a hemisphere of red eyes on a black background surrounded them, he decided to forgive the unorthodox wake up.

"I will consume your souls and leave the husks behind," the darkness informed them, "You shall scream eternally in the belly of the infinite darkness."

Guess which word you shouldn't have said? he though as he made sure the sleeping bag hadn't brushed the fire, and that his pack was still clear of the creature.

"Don't look at the light," he told the sphinx as he passed her a portable floodlight and demonstrated how it worked on the one he'd kept for himself.

The two floodlights came on and the creature screamed. The two moved out to corral the creature and drove it into a small pile of stones where their lights couldn't get at it.

"You shall pay dearly for this indignity!" the creature squalled as the Big Guy and the sphinx built a fire pit around the small cairn of stones.

"Yeah, yeah, checks in the mail," he told it as it cursed and with the fire merrily burning, he doused the two flood lamps and let them cool before he packed them away.

"Will that hold it?" the sphinx asked, after grabbing him and crushing him against her. Despite his jacket, she was shivering.

"Keep the fire going, and not discuss the future and we should be gone and away," he told her chest as he spoke into it.

"Sorry, I just never saw anything like that before," she admitted and set him back down.

"Oh, we got thousands of them back home, common as roof rats," he said.

"WHAT!" the cairn screamed, "I am unique! An ancient terror! None are like me! None can withstand me!"

"Tell that to the cretins in Washington, or in Ottawa for that matter. Little, red-tape worms who only feed on the lifeblood of the host they've latched on to," he said, "We call them bureaucrats, and they can bring down the mightiest entity."

"They sound fierce," the sphinx said.

"I've been fighting them since I was a boy, from swivel chair hussars in the army, to Congressional Staffers. No brains, but a vampire's instincts on how to suck the life out of anything to feed themselves."

"Why don't you kill them?" the sphinx asked.

"I can never get a hunting license for them," he replied.

"You did your best," the little unicorn said as she pushed Discord on the swing.

"I completely missed the point of the exercise," Discord grumped, "They've been accusing me of losing sight of the big picture, even when I'm the one who planned it, I lost sight of it."

"But you won," she countered.

He glanced back at her as she pushed him. "But if it might not have worked out." He jumped off the swing, caught it and turned around to face her. It finally got through to him that she'd been trying to comfort him. This little magic nothing, trying to ease the pain of mighty Discord, he thought, I should laugh right in her face. But I can't. Why is that?

He sat down in front of her and scratched her behind the ears. She eagerly leaned into his hands. "The whole point of the fight, was to protect you," he told her, "If you'd gotten hurt, that would have spoiled everything. I wouldn't have liked it, and I'm sure you wouldn't have liked it."

"But your plan was good enough that didn't happen. You didn't even react when she screamed at you. She thought you were ignoring her because she was unimportant, inutile."

Wonderful, I don't lose because someone else has a bigger sense of self-important entitlement than I do, yay me, Discord thought, What was that he said? 'You lose because you're convinced you don't deserve to win.' Maybe, but when winning does matter. He looked at the sickly little filly and thought, Then I'd better learn how to win, rather than just making the other side lose.

They alighted on the far side of the river. The wolf had not been happy about being carried across on the sphinx's back. And been even less so about the Big Guy holding him. He now lay on the ground and seemed to be trying to get reacquainted with the feeling of an unmoving surface.

The other two continued their 'discussion', "I still say I don't need a name. If I know who I am, and there are no others like me, then 'Sphinx' or 'the Sphinx' is an adequate description and designation."

"Now you haven't said that before," the Big Guy said, "You just decided that it is your choice. That's what I've been arguing. You can chose what you are called."

"I've just been arguing because I like the byplay of ideas, I really don't care what others call me," she replied and grinned as he face-palmed.

The angry scream from the bridge Doppler-shifted as it approached them, sailing through the air and crashing into the ground before rolling a short ways into a black and blue heap. The trio jogged or trotted over towards the moaning figure in the small trench its passage had created. A teal eye opened and regarded them with loathing.

"Thou hast no comprehension of the breadth and depth of my repugnance for thee and this dream of thine," the black and blue, formerly only grayish-blue alicorn said as she surveyed them. "What in the name of Celestia's intangible moustache are you?"

"What am I? What are you?" the sphinx asked, "You look like an earth pony's worst nightmare."

The Big Guy snickered. As Luna grimaced at the sphinx.

"At least I do not look like something assembled out of Discord's spares bin," Luna said as she tried to rise, and failed. Durable as she was, gravity was still stronger than she.

"Daddy! Daddy!" came the warning cry of an incoming second alicorn. This one small enough the sphinx and Big Guy caught her. "Let's do it again!" she called and waved back to the bridge. She looked down at Luna. "You have to sort of glide most of the way until you slow down enough for your wings to work." She flew/crawled until she was seated on his shoulders with her head resting on top of his. Her foray into being the world's cutest hat seemed to work especially well on the sphinx, and the wolf.

Luna glared at the universe as a whole.

The Big Guy gestured at Luna. "This is what you get when you can't learn to leave well enough alone."

Luna was on her hooves and staring into his face. "You understand my words? We can communicate? We can . . . ?" she said, then drifted off as tears ran down her face and she slowly crumbled into a whimpering, fetal position.

"Like assuming your durability will allow you to shrug off injuries because your royal constitution is higher," the Big Guy said.

Luna let out a whimper filled with hauteur and derision.

"We could kill her and put her out of her misery," the sphinx offered.

"Naw," the Big Guy said, "I wouldn't deprive Selene of what a wonderful negative example her mother has been."

"You and she, then," the sphinx asked and gestured at the three of them, "Ignoring how. Why?"

"I was spare parts," Selene said, "And he wanted to play Doctor Hoovenstein."

"I am afraid you might not get a better upbringing," the Big Guy replied.

"I suggest you tell the story," the sphinx said, "This is one riddle I have to hear."

"And it'll let mommy recover," Selene said.

"You weren't supposed to notice that," he whispered to her. The little alicorn giggled.

"Two sugars please," Discord said to the little unicorn, "Cucumber sandwich?" he offered.

"I don't think a cucumber sandwich is a sliced open cucumber with radishes inside," the little unicorn said.

"They aren't radishes, they're parsnips," Discord corrected as he sipped his tea.

The unicorn rolled her eyes. "Well, that's all right then," she said. She took a bite, chewed thoughtfully. "They are rather good," she admitted.

"Always be willing to try new things," he said.

"What if the new things might hurt people?" she asked.

Oh dear, the sad, soulful eyes again, Discord thought, I am so glad most ponies can't do that.

"Then you must trust in your friends to see you through," he said.

Egad, I'm glad Tom and the Big Guy aren't here to listen to me spout this tripe, he thought, Even if she needs to hear it, actually saying it aloud is revolting. Despite his initial abhorrence over the whole idea, he was rather enjoying himself. Introducing new taste treats to someone who simply accepted them was very pleasant. Well, you have been staying to the boring side of things, he admitted, No horseradish cookies, or radish quiche. Now wait a second.

He pulled a chef's hat on and conjured up the ingredients, put in a third as many radishes as he normally did, and let his magic do the rest. The unicorn stared at his efforts with an endearing mixture of wonderment and studiousness. Oh, my heart should go pitter-patter, if I had one. He finished and served it onto a plate.

"Radish quiche, I can make it stronger if you like."

She took some and her ears stood up straight. "I think you discovered the cure for the common cold," she said taking a deep breath, "I haven't been this clear in years."

Discord took a bite, and turned red, then yellow, then white. "Strong radishes you have around here," he gave a strangled cry.

She nodded. "More tea?" she asked and let out a cloud of steam from her mouth.

"And then Twilight was like 'woo, woo, woo, boxes are coming to get me!'" Selene said as she rode atop the sphinx's shoulders.

"You are truly evil," the sphinx said to the Big Guy, "Poor Celestia. Poor Twilight."

"Hey, they'll live," he replied, "If I have to hit them with a plank between the eyes to get their attention, then that's what I'll do."

"It's still unconscionable," Luna said as she tottered along behind them, "What you did."

"Now the peanut gallery has been heard from," the Big Guy said.

Selene and the Sphinx giggled.

"Old training technique, you take the biggest screw-ups and make an example out of them, the rest fall into line themselves," the Big Guy explained.

"And just how did my sister and her student 'screw-up'?" Luna tried to totter faster, but the wolf 'just happened' to be in the way, and Luna's wings were not sufficiently recovered to lift her over him.

"Like you, they never learned to leave things alone," the Big Guy replied, "They had to hammer everything into an acceptable shape, no matter how detrimental it is." He turned to the sphinx. "That's why I think I'm in Hell. Rulers so clueless and glutted on adoration, they don't see what hypocrites they are, and that they're killing the very thing they claim to love."

That stunned Luna, and the group drew away from her as they walked up the path. She made her best speed to catch up to them. "Thou canst believe that true!" she said as she caught up with them.

Selene stared at him. "I think he does," she said, and nodded.

The tunnel brought them to a halt. Dozens of red eyes peered out of the darkness. "Your trick was inventive, but I have ways of moving from shadow to shadow."

"Okay, up the side," the Big Guy pointed at the switchback several hundred feet above them. He took Selene off the sphinx. "You can fly," he told her.

"I can't!" Luna said.

"Momma, just blast him and catch up," Selene said as she accompanied the sphinx on her flight to the path.

The Big Guy grinned at Luna. "I think she meant the eyes, but either way works." He started climbing, the wolf was already picking his way up the slope.

Luna grumbled as she picked her way up the slope after them.

"That's cheating!" the creature in the cave shouted, setting off a small rock slide and sending Luna tumbling back onto the road.

"That is ENOUGH!" Luna shouted and marched into the cave.

"Should we help?" the sphinx asked.

"Naw, momma can beat people up as well as anyone," Selene said.

"I think she meant Luna's victim," the Big Guy said.

Selene stared at them. "Now I know you're teasing me!"

"Of course," he told her. He began singing Gordon Lightfoot's The Pony Man as a marching cadence. Selene fell into step and into tune almost instantly.

Luna paused in the midst of battle and facehooved. "Celestia is going to kill me when Selene brings that back." She rejoined the battle in a hurry, so she could ameliorate the damage.

Celly watched the ball suddenly glow with light. She turned to Woona, "Get the others."

When her sister just stared at her, she added, "I will stay right here until at least Derpy and Hotaru arrive, and you come back. We'll follow the trail he left."

Woona nodded and raced down the path back to the house and the Changeling hive.

Celly tossed a snowball, and watched it fade as the one Dinky had thrown earlier did.

Patience, patience, she thought, What was that irritating statement, 'There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. Or it is 'but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age'? I fear the second may apply better than the first.

She sat and waited for the others to arrive.

"So how come in here you can understand us, but outside we are mutually unintelligible?" Luna asked as she trotted along beside them. No one commented on how her mood had improved since she'd 'passed' through the cave.

"Because this is a mental construct," the Big Guy explained, "None of us are really here."

"Wait," the sphinx asked in alarm, "You're saying, I'm fake. But my memories, my senses . . . my feelings."

"None of us are 'real' here, all of us are projections of something else. You are as real as I am. But you didn't exist until a little while before you saw me. Your memories of a thousand plus years are constructs. They didn't actually happen. But they feel real, don't they, they hurt as much as if they were real?" he asked as he put a hand on the sphinx's cheek, and she nuzzled it, "Don't they?"

They walked along a bit like that. Luna glancing at then, and her head drooping as she did.

"So it's real to me," the sphinx said, "But if you knew, then your offer?" She looked at him, her eyes filled with worry.

"I have a reality warper of my own, who owes me a few, very big favors. Don't worry, the offer still stands," he said, "For creatures like us, the integrity of the mind and memories is the real reality." He turned and glared at Luna. The alicorn's neck and head drooped further.

"That's what Aunt Celestia and momma kept messing with, right?" Selene said.

"Exactly," he replied, "And they wouldn't listen when I asked them to stop."

"But ponies don't mind," Selene said. Her mother was practically digging a furrow with her nose now.

"Ponies don't complain, they're too afraid of the consequences," he said.

"So why all of this?" the sphinx asked.

"Someone detected my hostility to ponies, and decided to see what I'd do starting from scratch," he said, "It's the reason I knew I could trust you. You were never going to hurt me, at least not first, or intentionally."

"That's not 'why'?" the sphinx asked, "Why would someone set all this up, create me, this landscape, this journey, and then let us all march through it?"

"Because someone is terribly lonely, and has been convinced they are a monster. That no one could possibly love them."

"That's so sad," Selene said, and sniffled.

"Well, I think Discord will take care of that," the Big Guy said.

"WHAT?" Luna shouted, then all of them dodged the resulting avalanche.

Discord sat in a duplicate of his chair, the little unicorn asleep on his stomach. He continued to scratch her gently behind the ears without thinking, as if his hands had a mind of their own. They hadn't, he'd checked. She'd grown weaker as they had played, and partied, and ate, and sang, and change bugs into bats and birds into lizards, and then changed them back.

During it all, some of Discord's thoughts had grown steadily darker. Vengeance was a fools' game, but he always claimed to be vengeful when he started a new game. It was an excellent distraction, and lying to the fools was always fun. Now, he was seriously considering it.

Molybdenum Blossom must be dead, a thousand years in an aging body, she should be so fragile a contrary wind would kill her, he thought, And conjuring her up, that would be useless. Especially to just slowly take her to bits.

He continued scratching, enjoying the peaceful slumbers of the little unicorn snuggling on his stomach. He smiled at that, but the sight only heightened his desire to find Molybdenum Blossom's bones and grind them to powder.

No, I want revenge, I want to destroy her legacy, and prove all that she planned and hoped for was for naught, Discord thought, If she is still in any condition to acknowledge my victory.

The filly turned slightly in her sleep and snuggled against him.

Then Discord smiled, had the filly been awake, she would have screamed in terror at that smile.

"Why are all these barriers easy for me to fly over?" the sphinx asked as she looked at the canyon with the rope bridge crossing it. Below was a cataract that would be death for anyone who survived the fall into it.

"I wasn't supposed to recruit you. I was supposed to answer your riddle rather than fight you, and continue on," the Big Guy said as he looked down. "We could use the water through." He shook the empty canteen and bags that the travelers had emptied.

Selene grabbed the canteen out of his hands and dove into the canyon. Half way down she ran into something that had her trapped. A huge spider walked out onto the web.

Luna gasped, "I'll - "

"Stay!" the Big Guy said, and nodded to the sphinx. She took off and headed down the canyon. "We apologize for intruding, and we are willing to pay for the water, but please remember, webs are extremely inflammable!"

"It didn't pay any attention," Luna said as she peered down the canyon and danced with nervousness at her daughter's peril.

"I wasn't just talking to the spider," he replied, and the web around Selene burst into flames. The trailers racing along the web. The sphinx swooped in and caught the little alicorn as she fell. They landed on a rock upstream and watched the race between the spider and the fire. The spider made it into its cave before the fire cut the last of the support lines of the web. Then the fire raced into the cave.

The Big Guy grabbed Luna and the wolf and drove them back from the edge of the cliff.

WHOOMPF!

In the distance, a pillar of smoke appeared. As the trio looked over the edge, a similar pillar issued from the cave mouth.

"Cave like that has to have constant ventilation. Like a chimney." He glanced at the wolf. "You up for fried spider? Tastes like crab."

The wolf merely stared at him. An expression Luna nearly mirrored.

"That was fun!" Selene said as she and the sphinx, and all the now filled water bags and his canteen returned to the canyon top.

"We were just thinking about going to that other pillar, and having lunch. Fried spider."

Luna leaned over the edge and emptied her stomach over the edge.

"Is momma making room so she can eat more?" Selene asked.

"BLEARGTH!" Luna made sure she had lots of room.

"I cannot believe you actually ate it," Luna said, and staggered as a wave of nausea gripped her. "You are everything we were afraid of."

"I gave a clear warning. Considering that everything here speaks the same language, despite what it spoke before, if it could have understood, it did, and Selene clearly heard me."

"I don't think I like anrthods," Selene said.

"Arthropods," the Big Guy corrected, "You aren't an omnivore either."

"Watching mommy barf again was lots of fun," Selene said.

"Is this universe specifically designed to pick on me?" Luna complained.

"No, just everyone in it," the Big Guy said, "You can leave any time you like. That you haven't is on your head."

"I've seen unicorns eat meat," the sphinx said, "Why does it bother her so?"

"In Equestria, most food sources are intelligent, even borderline sapient. So eating an animal is like eating a person."

"What do the animals eat?" the sphinx asked, "Is that why you had us asking the rabbits that riddle?"

"Exactly."

"I thought you were teasing me," the sphinx admitted, "Hmm, maybe I should have left the waistcoat on that big rabbit."

"Would have made skinning it a lot more difficult," the Big Guy said.

"You are doing this on purpose," Luna said.

"I said I was," the Big Guy replied, "Like you dragging the malevolent collection of eyes along with you in your mane."

"How?" Luna asked as she looked back at her mane and made soft sound to it.

"I know you," the Big Guy said, "I actually studied you and your sister, and dealt with Discord's rather amusing elaborations of you and your behavior. You wouldn't kill if you had an alternative. And you clearly did."

Luna frowned, but nodded. "I am not the relentless courser of foes that many portray me as," she said.

He stared at her with an upraised eyebrow until she looked away.

"You could forgive her you know," Selene suggested.

"But she and Celestia 'didn't do anything wrong'," he replied, "Besides, unless those are the royal guard, I think we have more trouble."

More trouble was a dozen suits of armor, all completely empty, and all starting to stand up. Each was modeled for a minotaur, and twelve feet tall. Most had axes that were more sharp protrusion than blade. The rest had morningstars of various types, with so many spikes they were practically maces or hammers. If they'd wanted the effect of a morningstar, they would have swung a fist, having a ridiculous amount of spikes on every joint.

Luna lost it first, she rolled on the ground laughing at someone's asinine idea of what looked formidable and scary. The Big Guy chuckled at the sight. The sphinx and Selene were a little confused.

"Are we going to fight them?" the sphinx asked.

"And let them hurt themselves," Luna said, "Absolutely not."

"We could throw firewood at them, cover them over as the logs stuck on the spikes," the Big Guy offered.

The suits of armor were looking at each other. Despite the lack of facial features, their despair was fairly clear. One even scuffed its toe on the ground.

The Big Guy took the opportunity to yank the 'wall of eyes' out of Luna's mane and threw it at the suits of armor.

"Hey!" Luna complained.

Red eyes gleamed out of the eye slits. "Ha, so you saw through my plan! Now you shall all pay dearly for, what's happening?"

One of the suits of armor proceeded the bash the nearest one. Within moments it was a twelve-way free for all.

"Stop! Stop I command you!" the wall of eyes called out from inside the armor.

The suits were as ineffectual in combat as predicted. Unless deafening their opponent was their goal.

"Another obstacle to fly over?" the sphinx shouted over the clamourous din.

The Big Guy nodded and slipped onto the sphinx's back, and then helped hold the wolf in place. While Luna and Selene took to the air.

"This is getting completely silly," Luna said.

"Quite agree, too silly, far too silly. Get some discipline into those chaps, Sergeant-Major," the Big Guy replied, "Next we'll be facing dead parrots."

Luna opened her mouth to ask, but on seeing her daughter shaking her head, decided not to rise to the bait.

"The sign says clearly: 'The secret of life back in five minutes'," the Big Guy pointed out, "Considering we've scoured this place for an hour and a half, for any sign that it has been inhabited in the last decade, I think five minutes is clearly over." The continuing clank and clatter of the armor still in battle was getting on everyone's nerves.

"That giant flaming head you described isn't going to accept this as an answer," Luna protested as she waved a hoof at the sign.

The Big Guy rolled his eyes. "The successful completion of this mission is totally irrelevant," he enunciated each word clearly, "How we react to each challenge is what is being weighed. If the big flaming head doesn't like the answer that the sage is no longer in residence and this is what the sage left as an answer, then let it assign a new requirement." He picked up the sign. "This is what I was sent to retrieve, even if it makes no sense whatsoever, this is what I deliver."

Luna put a hoof on his arm. "You can't deliver that. It isn't what they asked for."

"What they asked for isn't here. You do the best job you can, and you expect the bosses to change their minds as the situation develops." He held up the sign. "This is what we have, this is what we'll deliver, and we'll get new instructions."

"We have to search again, maybe ask the people in the village," Luna said.

"No." He stared at her. "I am not wasting any more time on a big 'maybe' when whoever sent me clearly didn't understand the situation. I don't understand what your problem is, this isn't even your mission. You wouldn't even know the details, if I hadn't mentioned them to you. Which is an error I do not intent to repeat."

Luna backed up a pace, her ears laid back against her head.

"You want to search, fine you search. I'm going back to get new instructions," he said, "This isn't a hero quest where you need the Elements of Harmony, or the One Ring, or the True King's Sword to slay the danger. This isn't even the Quest for the Grail where the questor gets made worthy to see the Grail everyone knows where it is. This is the Kobayashi Maru: an unwinnable scenario designed to test the character of the tested." He walked over and put an arm around the sphinx's waist. "Besides, I think I got the real prize in this scenario, now I have to make sure I keep her. You want to keep doing what you've been told, you can." He put the sign in his pack and sealed it up. "Stay in your rut and enjoy the security it gives you. But don't expect me to join in. I win, or I quit and go play something else. I don't care if someone else says I've won or lost. I'm keeping score for me."

The wolf hopped onto the sphinx's back, and looked at him expectantly. A moment later he adjusted his pack, and climbed on her back.

"He never wanted to fly with me before," the sphinx said as they took to the air.

"Like I said, change the rules. I think he was more afraid of leaving you alone if he fell off, than what would happen to him," the Big Guy said. He looked back, but couldn't see any pursuit.

"The big city, right?" the sphinx said, and looked at the ice roof.

"That's right. Big building near the center, lots of columns."

"You have a strange way of describing things. The only 'lots of columns' is huge," she replied.

"How soon?" he asked.

"About an hour," she replied, "Sorry, I should have suggested just flying up there."

"Live and learn," he replied.

Celly walked through the empty streets, guided by the chalk arrows on the buildings. Canterlot had been styled to exalt the senses and spirit, to be light and airy and open, and draw the eye upward to the sky. This place is the opposite, she thought, Gray, dull, confining and hiding the sky save for small patches.

Dinky whimpered and closed in with her mother. Hotaru trotted up to walk beside Celly, while Sapphire and Woona brought up the rear. None of the other changelings had accompanied them.

The whistle by Sapphire stopped everyone. The changeling pointed down a cross street. Celly rushed over and looked. There was another arrow the same as they'd been following, going the opposite direction.

"Follow that one?" Woona asked, "Assume he looped around and found another target?"

Celly sighed and glanced at Hotaru. She returned a canine shrug and translated the question for Derpy, Dinky and Sapphire.

Derpy nodded to Celly.

They passed through the alley between buildings and were soon on another street. Celly and Woona froze at sight of the building down the street. "The Temple of the Seekers?" Celly asked.

"It's too big," Woona replied, "But there's a cross on the door, and no arrows leading out."

Celly pointed at the building, and waited for the other three to nod. "You've been strangely quiet Hotaru," Celly said, "Any particular reason?"

"Most places are a mosaic of scents, dozens to hundreds who've passed through. Yet his scent is the only one here. No smell of machines, none of that acrid scent of lightning, no other ponies, changelings, minotaurs, griffons, dogs, cattle, mules, nothing, just his," Hotaru said, "It is intimidating that he walks this place as a conqueror, and we mighty few, skulk like mice who have heard a cat. You wonder how he broke me. He exposed me to one of the experiences that forged him into this, and Nightmare Moon did not survive. And he has seen dozens more. Is it any wonder that Celestia and Luna become stupid with fear when their heralds tell of his approach?"

"Except he wouldn't hurt them," Woona replied.

"He would make their ponies become him," Hotaru said, "That is horrifying enough."

Celly and Woona glanced at each other, shivered, and marched towards the building.

Inside, were bookshelves reaching up to the ceiling with scaffolds and ramps to allow non-fliers access.

"We don't mention this to Twilight," Celly said as she looked around, "Ever."

Hotaru translated for the other three. Their laughter was dampened, but they agreed. The Big Guy had not marked in here, they would walk a few steps, then freeze to listen. Then they walked a few more.

" 'That's Discord'," Derpy offered through Hotaru, referring to the soft melodic sounds that teased them from several directions.

Celly nodded and pointed to the huge transparent section of ceiling. "We'll start our search there." The others followed, tightening their formation. Derpy setting Dinky on her back. The little unicorn carefully turned around to 'check six' for the formation.

'There' turned out to be a light well, a hint of Canterlot's usual architecture. The large glass case drew their eye. The figures within stunned them. Discord, singing a lullaby to what first appeared to be a mummy, then it moved.

No, give him the benefit of the doubt, Celly urged herself, His time with the Big Guy has changed him.

"Discord," she said softly.

The draconequus looked at her and suddenly looked embarrassed. He quickly gestured them to be quiet, and set the mummy down, and he slipped out of the case. "She's tired, and I finally got her to sleep," he said.

Celly had heard the tone from recent parents talking about a newborn. He was looking back at the nearly mummified filly as a nervous parent would. I am not going to tease him about that, Celly thought, He has found someone else to care about, better to encourage that.

"What's wrong with her?" Celly said as Dinky and Derpy silently crept towards the figure in the case.

"Her power is destroying her, and her mother didn't help," Discord said, his agitation obvious.

"Her mother?" Woona asked.

"Molybdenum Blossom," Discord said, the hatred in his voice and on his face frightened the ponies.

"Molly be damned," Woona spat, "Did the apple fall far from the tree?"

"The apple fell into the tree's clutches, and became this," Discord gestured as he explained, "To preserve the capital for her triumphant return."

"Which never happened," Celly said.

Discord pointed to the extremely odd figure approaching. "Someone else beat her to it."

"I'd ask what did I miss, but I think that would fill a library," the Big Guy said as he slipped off the odd, almost human creature's back. "Discord, draconequus; Celly, alicorn; Woona, alicorn; Hotaru, loup garou; Derpy Hooves, pegasus; Dinky Hooves, unicorn; Sapphire, changeling. All, the sphinx, sphinx; the wolf with no name."

Said wolf was circling Hotaru. She waited as he orbited, until he was almost directly before her. She lunged, catching the surprised wolf by the throat, not with her jaws, but a punch with her paw. She stood over him her teeth bared and snarling. He took up a posture of canine submission, making high-pitched, squeaky, little barks.

Disgusted, Hotaru backed away from him and sat back down. She glared at all the smirking creatures of all races around her.

"Charmed," the sphinx said, as she looked over the group, "I take it Luna and Selene stayed behind?"

"I'm not even sure all of what's going on," the Big Guy said as he unpacked the sign, "I got the secret of life, as demanded. So what is the real situation."

Celly looked at the sign that he'd brought. "I almost hope Discord has a more cogent problem than this," she said.

"I do. The filly over there is dying. She's been dying a long time, but all this activity is putting the final nails in her coffin. Her mother 'adjusted' her, increased her powers above what any unicorn could handle. They are literally burning out her mind, body and spirit. And I have no idea how to stop it."

Discord looked around. "Oh, come on, that's the perfect place to end a chapter on a great cliffhanger."

"To whom and about what is he talking?" the sphinx asked.

"Do you like sleeping peacefully at night?" Woona asked.

"Yes."

"Then don't ask that question in earnest," Woona warned. They glanced over and Dinky was sitting with her noise pressed up against the glass, staring at the figure within. Derpy wasn't putting nose prints on the glass, but was staring just as intently through the top.

"Besides, if her power is so great that she can warp reality, can't she transfer some of that power? Celly and Woona aren't at their full Celestia/Luna capability, so they have to have some capacity. We've been looking for a way to make Tom sufficiently independent, and the young lady over there needs the same treatment."

"I appreciate your confidence in me," Discord said, he glanced around and lowered his voice, "But as I am right now, I am just not strong enough to pull it off."

"And the young lady might be strong enough, but it would tear her apart," the Big Guy said, and glanced at Celly, "Has alicorn, harmony magic ever been combined with draconequus, chaos magic?"

Celly nearly fell back on her haunches. "Not that I've ever heard of."

"I suggest you start," he said, then shook his head, "I'm sorry, I've been dealing with Her Moony Supremacy Princess Luna, and my temper is getting a bit frayed. Sphinx, please work with these two, they are the reality warpers I told you about. And the young lady over there might just give you everything you need, in order to save her life from the very power you need."

"Where are you going?" Woona asked as she approached.

"I apologize for being a party pooper, but I need some time alone to decompress. I had to deal with Luna barraging in, and then trying to take over. I am not good company right now."

"Should anyone go with?" Woona asked.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't. I'm about one step away from taking somebody's head off, and none of you deserve that," he said, "I should be back after a shower, lunch and a nap. By the way, is this the same day that I left?"

"Yes, late afternoon," Celly said.

"That's impossible!" Discord insisted, "I was here for at least six days."

"Bit over three here," the Big Guy said, "I think we need to be thinking about just how powerful the little lady is, and how to save her from that." He grinned at Discord. "Now that's a cliffhanger to end on."

"Oh, boo," Discord said and glanced around, "Hey! Wait a second!"

30) No Nose? How Does It Smell?

30) No Nose? How Does It Smell?

Cultural Artifacts - No Nose? How Does It Smell?
Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 51

Celly felt like banging her head against a set of bookshelves. I'd probably knock them over, she thought as she tried to be civil to the people helping her untangle this mess. Discord kept wandering over to check on the filly in the case. And the Sphinx was barely any help at all. Woona kept dissolving in giggles.

"Okay, so you can speak with us," Celly said and glared at her sister, "And this adult version of Woona and her child could speak to you?"

"Yes, ma'am," the Sphinx said.

Celly realized she was intimidating the girl. She forced herself to relax. "Look, I just want to get to the bottom of this."

"I'm not trying to steal him from you, honestly," the Sphinx said and shied back, "I was just lonely, and he was friendly and smart." She rubbed her hands together. "And he wasn't afraid of me."

Celly tried to reconcile what she'd said with what the Sphinx had replied, and utterly failed. She decided to let her temper cool, and try again. "I understand that," she said, wishing for some of her supposed legendary calm, "And all of us welcome you into our family, but I think we need to understand what's going on here."

"I was placed on the road a thousand years ago to ask travelers a riddle before they went to the village," the Sphinx said, "I understand I may have just been created a few hours ago, but it felt like, I remember a thousand years of loneliness, and I was so happy when I met him. I was so happy he just trusted and accepted me."

I'm trying to figure out a great metaphysical problem, and she thinks I'm angry about her stealing my boyfriend. Is there a sane and rational being anywhere within earshot? she wondered, her eyes fell on Woona, then on Discord, and then on Hotaru who was looking utterly disgusted at the huge wolf practically grinning at her. Who have I offended and where do I offer to make restitution?

Pinkie quietly opened the door. She listened and heard only the shower, and no other ponies in the house. Looks like Lyra's spell worked, she thought as she tippy-hoof dashed to the Big Guy's bedroom. She looked around the place. It's exactly the same as the other one.

She looked around the room and thought, Think like the Big Guy, think like the Big Guy, think like the Big Guy. She choked down a scream of agony, and cradled her head in her forehooves. I must kill Twilight Sparkle, and take her corpse and use Twilight's rotting entrails to strangle Celestia to death in front of the entire royal court.

She shook her head. She'd located what she'd come for. Okay, new respect for the Big Guy, she thought, That just makes this more important. She slipped past the bathroom where he was showering, and made it to the laundry room.

Funny, I came up with this idea when I tried to think like him as a way to deal with my own feelings about the mares who just treated what they'd done as 'a mere aberration', she thought as she silently opened the cabinet over the washing machine. I understand that Celestia and Twilight told them there was nothing Alicorn Big Guy made them do that wasn't already in their hearts to begin with, but I don't think that made a difference to them. Any excuse in a storm. She stifled the rage she felt at these ponies blowing off hurting another pony/person who had gone out of his way to not hurt them. Like picking on Fluttershy, with the same disastrous consequences. Under the boxes of tea and a case of the dried noodles she found the lockbox. She pulled out a hairpin, causing her mane to flop down straight, and set to work on the key lock. She heard the Big Guy finish his shower and she pulled the cabinet door closed to hide her. Fortunately, he headed for the bedroom. She finished and opened the box. And found the second locked box inside. She extended an ear and began turning the dial, listening for the tumblers to click. She opened the box and set aside the note reading 'Pinkie put this back, NOW' and removed what she'd come for. Sorry, no can do-oh, she thought as she set the boxes quietly aside and crept out of the cabinet onto the washing machine, then down to the floor.

She paused before entered the Big Guy's bedroom. The scale of the place still amazed her. She could stand on her hind legs and reach up a ways, But only a pegasus or a ladder let you reach the ceiling in here. Even Celestia couldn't rear up and touch the ceiling with her horn.

She saw the huddled figure in the bed. He'd gotten up to use the shower, and she'd smelled the food on entering so she knew he'd eaten if sparingly, So he's out of immediate danger. But if he's as angry about it as I am, she thought as she watched from the doorway, It can't be good having that lump just sit there.

Well, no time like the present. She stared at the red eyes of the Alicorn Amulet. 'Don't try straight force on force, be random,' he told us when he was changing. Gee, how am I ever going to do that? she asked as she concentrated. She noted that her activity had roused him, and it seemed to be dawning on him what she was doing.

While he was climbing out of bed, the amulet's eyes went from red to blue. He approached, his hand extended, and spoke in a tone that should have been commanding, but sounded pleading. Pinkie put the amulet around her neck, and blew a raspberry at him. She then she gestured. A force shoved him back onto the bed and she did a little capering dance that was exulting in her find, and mocking his concerns.

His expression darkened.

This would be easier if I could threaten something he cares about, Pinkie thought, But I can't do that. Wait! I do need to practice one thing.

Pinkie concentrated, and she changed forms. She'd retained her pinkness and her pinkieness, but she tottered on two human legs instead of four pony ones. She grinned evilly at him, and changed him into the alicorn he'd been and was again.

The look on his face was everything she'd hoped for, and more.

Celly wasn't sure if she liked that Discord had managed to conjure a conference table, tea set, maps, notepads, ballpoint pens, and a serious attitude, or if the seriousness/worry of Discord should have her running from the place never to return.

Woona, Hotaru and Derpy sat with Celly, Discord and the Sphinx around the table. Dinky had gone with Sapphire to check up on things at the house and get some food for all of them.

"Okay, chronologically, the Big Guy assumed he was going on this 'vision quest' as soon as he left, because there was no remarking of the door. He found you, and spent the night, after asking you the very riddle you had planned to ask him."

"She also recognized the gun he was carrying," Discord added, very, even disturbingly politely, and glanced back at the sleeping filly in the case. The Discord stuffie she had a python's death grip on was either adorable, or the most horrifying thing Celly had seen since arriving in this new world.

"Thank you. Why do I want to call you two Hansel and Gretel?" she asked, then continued, "He guessed your riddle, and you two continued on, far past where the ice dome should have returned to the ground."

"Except I didn't know about the ice, it was just the sky I've been used to," the Sphinx said.

Celly nodded. "When did you leave?" she asked Discord.

"After we felt the ambient energy was enough to sustain me, outside. That was after the riddle, the night together and them starting on the path to the village," Discord said, "But I didn't end up on the path, like I expected. I ended up in the garden."

"And that didn't worry you?" Woona asked.

"Worry, it was insane, I was delighted!" Discord said, "Then I met her while she was playing on the swing set."

"At that point time passage diverged between you two," Celly said and raised a pen to her mouth, "Was the playground something you recognized from Ponyville?"

"It was a playground, I don't think pony and human playgrounds diverge that much. Which is a whole other area I'd love to study," Discord said.

Celly felt another headache coming on. 'Happy Discord' worried her more and more. He's only this focused when he's taunting someone, or working on his plans. I just have to figure out what his plan is, before things get too ugly, she thought, I just have to figure out what's his game.

"That's also when she played fetch with my brain," Discord said happily, and smiled.

Celly felt her headache worsen. Okay, he's going to drive me insane by acting like complete chaos is perfectly normal and reasonable. Then she remembered the game they'd played. Okay, maybe, just maybe, he has a point, she considered, and found the strength to continue.

"We also encountered the giant flaming head of Molybdenum Blossom," Discord said. The frivolity of the last few moments evaporated. Discord was clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Are you angry?" Woona asked. She stared at Discord in amazement.

Discord glared at the alicorn. "I helped her on all her little games in Equestria. All the tricks she wanted played on the Earth Ponies, the Pegasi, her rivals in the Unicorn Court." He stared at Celly, who drew back at the fire in that look. "As you well know, I never killed any of my subjects."

"That is not as big a mitigating factor as you might think," Celly said.

"Making someone see the futility of 'rules and order' is not the same as making someone nothing at all," Discord said heatedly, "She killed a great hero of your kind, for arguing with her. She - " Discord looked to the filly to make certain she was asleep, then leaned forward and continued in a heated whisper, "She experimented on her own daughter, and when the experiment succeeded beyond her wildest hopes, but her daughter sought a gentler way to solve the problem, she broke what few controls the filly had, and locked her in that box. Only her own tortured mind for company. This world's Celestia did that to me. I survived. Some of the others locked in stone did not, so don't act as if you hadn't destroyed lives more thoroughly that killing them, until you've experienced the Elements of Harmony on the receiving end. Like someone turning a steam hose on your personality and then locking you in a box alone for a few centuries to wonder what had been destroyed and what was left. What had Celestia left you?"

Celly shivered at his tone. "I apologize, I was not trivializing your distress, I am surprised you feel pain at the pain of another."

Discord frowned at her.

Pinkie Pie considered herself a connoisseur of smiles. The one on the Alicorn looking down on her battered and bloodied form was the darkest she'd ever seen. This one acknowledged she was a person, with thoughts and feelings and dreams all her own. And it would use every one of them to prolong and deepen her suffering as he slowly destroyed her body, mind and soul. She was very glad she was actually still standing out in the hall and a sophisticated illusion had been on the receiving end of the Big Guy's fury.

But Pinkie had been waiting and hoping for that smile. Because as soon as it appeared and the owner recognized it for what it was, it vanished. Perfect, she thought of the blank expression of confusion, Wait for it, wait for it!

He looked down at the Pinkie illusion, and reared back. His expression was one of utter horror and self-loathing. Pinkie's tail missed catching him before he could retreat. He pressed himself into a corner and tried to draw in on himself. She slipped into the seeming and took on its incredibly battered appearance.

Pinkie sat up, amazed that she could do even that. Silly filly, she reminded herself, You had to believe it too.

She rushed over where he could see her and the terrible damage he'd done to her. "Hey!" she shouted to him, barely getting his attention. The look he gave her was heartbreaking. She waved an arm and nearly winced as she wondered if she'd made the injuries a bit too realistic. "You wanna see a magic trick?" she shouted happily. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, and blew. With little popping sounds, all the bruises, contusions, bleeding cuts, dislocations, her blackened eye, blood stains on her, the carpet, even on his own hooves vanished. Even the oozing scrapes where he'd cut himself on her broken teeth vanished. He looked at her brilliant smile with amazement.

"Hey, Alicorn Amulet, remember?" she asked as she displayed the item. As he stared at it all in amazement, she bounced over and sat on his lap. She hugged him tightly, even her mane and tail wrapped around him.

I wish I was like the Fluttershy and Rarity flying suits, she thought as she held him, Protection, yet soft and warm inside.

She kissed him gently on the lips, a friend's kiss. "Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"I - you?" he stammered. "Pinkie, I was beating you bloody. I wasn't just going to kill you, I was going to -"

She put a hand over his muzzle. "No you weren't," she told him, "The instant the thought occurred to you, you stopped. I was watching, you weren't. You were beating up someone who hurt you, and I'm sorry for my part. But that's all you were going to do." She released her hug and rested her hands on his shoulders. "I should make a joke about a stallion who looks like you couldn't anyway. No mare with eyes could say no. But you thought it and stopped. And I, I realized I wanted to be punished. My friends let me do things and say 'oh that's just Pinkie Pie', you demanded better. I'm glad you demanded better, I loved you demanding better, and I'm glad you could feel angry at somepony who deserved it."

He was struggling, and only managed, "I don't understand."

She hugged him tightly, resting her head on his shoulder until he put his forelegs around her waist. She kissed him on the lips before answering. "I took away your safe place. I never realized how important it was, until I thought about all my toys, and how I never talk about them or show them to others. And how much it would hurt if people laughed at them, and me for building them."

She looked at his face and the dawning comprehension. "That's what I'm sorry for. Can you forgive me?"

The Big Guy nodded.

Pinkie grinned. "Now, should we start again?" She massaged his neck, then ran her fingers over and around his ears and smiled as he relaxed. "Well, should we continue? I can whimper and cry, or I can show you how I really feel. Or we can play another game."

"Another game?" he asked.

"SAMPLES!" she cried happily.

Celly lay down beside Discord. The Draconequus was reaching through the glass, stroking the filly's head to drive away the nightmares that had gripped her. On the other side of the glass box, Hotaru and Woona were in a trance delving into the filly's dreams. Celly was unnerved at the compassion she saw on Discord's face, and the concern for the little filly.

"What's wrong with her?" Celly asked.

Discord sighed. "She's strong, almost as strong as you are. But she doesn't have your earth pony durability for her body to support the manipulation of those energies."

"I can't make her an alicorn," Celly admitted.

"That would be a partial solution. Her strength would overwhelm even an immature alicorn form. So she'd be back to square one after a few weeks of health," Discord said, "So even if I could, it wouldn't fix her problem."

"Maybe, it's the opposite of the solution," Derpy said as she stared at the little filly. "We were worried how to support Tom without him being exactly you. Can you, combine those problems and solve them?"

Discord sighed. "Even if we halved her power, it wouldn't help, at least not for long."

"What about a third?" Derpy asked and glanced at the Sphinx, sound asleep at the table and still wearing the Big Guy's jacket.

"No," Discord said wearily.

"What about more?" Celly said and grinned.

"Not my muffin," Derpy replied.

"Not a full share," Celly said, "Down to say, a tenth?" Celly said as the plan forming in her mind. "Two for you, me, Tom, and Woona; a half share for Derpy, Dinky, Sapphire, Lyra and Bonbon; a full share for the Big Guy and the Sphinx?"

"That's almost a fifteenth." Discord seemed to perk up, then his ears splayed. "How? I can't, nor can you and Woona. If she tried, it would kill her."

"Then we do it together. All of us."

"Friendship is magic? You don't trust me enough to let me control the spell, and I certainly don't trust you to know enough to control it."

"I know you won't break your word to the Big Guy, or to her. You swear to them, and neither I nor Woona will stint you on your support."

"You're also assuming the Big Guy will agree to this. While he's got no magical talent, his engineering skills might be useful in monitoring."

"No talent? No power maybe," Celly said, "But he made an alicorn out of pieces of two others. I think he understands magic well enough. And he'll help. If not to save her life, then to help a friend."

Discord looked throughly disgusted, but he kept soothing the filly while he thought of weaknesses of the plan.

Pinkie paused as she tucked her friend in, the wan smile and him reaching out from under the cover to draw her into a hug and a nuzzle made her heart soar. He started to try and apologize. She interrupted by kissing him and tousling his hair. "There's nothing to forgive," she told him softly, and hugged him back. She held her hug until his weariness dragged him off to sleep.

Pinkie left the room feeling elated and empty. Much of the festering anger that had been such a part of her life was gone. Displaced, but not replaced by a knowledge she'd helped a lot of ponies, and had a lot of fun doing it. I'm just glad the fur covers the bruises, she thought, Some of them would be really embarrassing to explain. She grinned at that thought.

She spotted Dinky peeking around the corner. "Were you two, fighting?" the little unicorn asked tremulously.

"Not really, well sorta," Pinkie explained, then pounced on Dinky. She tickled the filly's ribs. "Are we fighting?"

"No," Dinky said, trying to avoid laughing to wake the Big Guy. "Yes, not really, sorta."

Pinkie stopped the tickle attack and laid down so she was eye-to-eye with the filly. "Sometime, ponies need to be different than everyone expects them to be. They're still who they are, but not in the way that they are every day."

Dinky's expression grew curious.

"Pinkie Pie, party, party, party, right?" Pinkie asked and took her usual utterly enthusiastic pose.

"Yeah, I guess," Dinky admitted.

"But that isn't all that I am," she lay back down and took on a wistful tone, "The Big Guy asked if I ever considered my mark was for uplifting spirits, not party balloons. I decided to give it a try."

"But you sounded like you were fighting."

"You remember when Captain Armor said his 'emotion tank' got filled up?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes, and that bad feelings might slosh out," Dinky replied.

"I decided to give the tank a good Applejack-quality buck, and empty it out. Or empty it part ways. So I made him really mad. And we wrestled around a bit, but it was all for fun."

I don't have to explain that I've been feeling I deserve to get knocked around for starting to fill it up in the first place, Pinkie silently admitted.

"That's weird, but lotsa things have been weird lately," Dinky said.

"You should see what's happened to Twilight since ponies thought she was in charge of his library. That's weird," Pinky said and headed for the kitchen. "Were you getting food for the others?"

"Yes," Dinky said.

"Well, I have to lock something up, then I'll come help," Pinkie told her.

Dinky nodded. "Oh, there's a game you might want to play. We had lots of fun with it," Dinky said.

"A game to play with friends?" Pinky asked.

"Yeah! Sapphire and I became lots better friends after we played it," Dinky said.

Selene Dreamer had awoken at the same time as her momma, but unlike her momma, she hadn't seen the dream they'd walked in as capricious. Her daddy, whose dream it was, understood it was silly, but her momma had been so serious about it. It bothered her. Ponies were supposed to be happy. Her daddy was supposed to be a grumpy-puss, yet, he'd treated the dream as a silly thing with its own rules, and momma had treated it as a real world life-and-death contest.

"Momma?" she asked, unable to even get close to an answer.

"Yes?"

"If it was important to win, why didn't you just let him?" she asked.

Her momma quit brushing her hair, and stared deeply into the mirror. "What do you mean?"

"He knew what the rules were, he said he was winning, and if you'd just let him win, you could have proved Auntie Celestia wrong, and you were right. But you didn't," she said and watched her mother place a hoof against the mirror. She sometimes wondered if her momma expected something to pop out of the mirror when she stared at it that way.

"I don't know. When a pony dreams, and they are in danger, they really are in danger. When he dreams, I can't tell if the danger is real, or imagined."

"If he knows it's a dream, he knows he's in no danger," Selene said, "Were you jealous of his new friend? She was pretty, but she just wanted people to be friends with." She couldn't understand why her momma and auntie made it so hard. You just curled up in his lap, or just rested a tail against his leg while you worked. He liked it quiet, but he didn't want to be completely alone.

She understood jealousy, she was jealous that Dinky got lunches he made, and got help with her homework, and she did not. She also knew that her momma and auntie went crazy around him. Ponies, griffons, even dragons did what they expected. Discord, Nightmare Moon, and the Big Guy did not. But he isn't the enemy, she thought, Because they can't guess what he's going to do, they think he's an enemy?

She discarded the thought as she looked at her momma. Her momma rested a hoof and her head against the mirror, her eyes closed. She couldn't understand why they couldn't accept they couldn't understand. She didn't understand, but she didn't think confusing people were out to hurt her or her family.

The head of Molybdenum Blossom appeared over Woona and Hotaru. The filly had been playing with a collection of boats in a small pond, watching them maneuver in line abreast, going to column, then into line again. It had been like they were dancing, and she'd been enthralled.

Now the filly was terrified, as the head glowered down at her. The filly ran from cover to cover, but none were large enough to enclose her completely.

"I have had enough of this," Hotaru said as she ran over and tackled the filly, then placed herself over the little pony. She and the head glared at each other, but maneuver as it might, the head couldn't catch even a glimpse of the filly.

"Surrender to me what is mine!" the head boomed.

Hotaru swung around, raised her tail, and let out a blaring discharge that left the head with a faint blue color to the flames for several moments.

"That's disgusting!" the head shouted, its flaming eyes still streaming flaming tears.

"Yeah, well, gas bag, you wanted what was yours," Hotaru said, "Get lost or you'll get another one." Hotaru heard the filly giggling withing the confined of her long fur.

The head looked down at Hotaru, and departed.

"Dignity isn't a real big thing with you," Woona said as she approached, "Is it?"

"The winners write the history," Hotaru said, and grinned.

"Let me scare up some chili peppers and beans for you next battle," Woona said.

"Garlic and cabbage work - better," Hotaru said then cringed.

"Just how would you know that?" Woona asked.

Hotaru sighed. "I didn't just flip you over to pure freeze-the-world evil you know. I had you do, little things first. Assail your sister's dignity," Hotaru said and smiled, then cringed at Woona's expression.

"Tell me more," Woona said, wearing a grin of her own.

Hotaru sighed, but began explaining. It did keep the little one giggling though.

Pinkie Pie pronked happily towards BonBon and Lyra's home, she sang as she hopped along, feeling a weight had been lifted from her. "La la la la la la, sing a pinky song, la la la la la la pink the whole day long," she said then considered, "Why does that song always make me feel blue?" She went back to singing. She spotted the cordon of guards preventing more presents from being dropped off at the library. She idly wondered what the half-dozen mailponies were doing with the overloaded freight wagons headed towards Twilight's home.

She tapped out a toe-tapping beat on the door and then listened. She fell on the floor when BonBon wrenched it open.

"Yes?" BonBon said.

Pinkie picked herself back up, and pushed her face back into shape. "Oh, I got good news." She back hoofed the door closed, spotted Lyra peeking out of the pile of blankets. She dashed over to Lyra and flipped the blankets off her. "I know where he is, he's just recovering from Ponyville, and I can take you to him. But, I think there's something he promised you two, and it's waiting in the freezer at Ponyville Hospital." She wagged her eyebrows at Lyra and BonBon.

"What?" BonBon asked, virtually teleporting to Lyra's side. "How?"

Pinkie cringed a bit. "That's a story I'd rather not say. Let's just say it was a frank exchange of personal opinions."

"He shot you?" Lyra asked.

"Not quite," Pinkie admitted, "It's complicated."

"But he's all right?" Lyra asked. BonBon rolled her eyes.

"Of course, silly, he's always able to handle any enemies," Pinkie said.

"Unless they're ponies," BonBon said and stared at Pinkie Pie.

"Uh, yeah," Pinkie said and looked at the carpet she was scuffing with her hoof, "Anyway. Like I said, he kept his promise, and it's ready whenever you are."

"How did he become an alicorn again?" BonBon asked.

Pinkie glanced at her wrist. "Look at the time, bye!" The Pinkie shaped dust cloud took a few moments to dissipate.

Lyra and BonBon looked at each other. "I think Nurse Redheart will have more cogent answers," BonBon suggested.

Lyra nodded as she wiped her eyes and got ready to go outside.

Dinky turned off the stove and used her magic to lift the pot off the burner. She smiled at her efforts. Pinkie had helped her, and soup seemed to be the simplest thing to cook. She'd done pretty much what her daddy had done. Boiled some vegetables, then added the weird packages of noodles and powder, then seasoned.

With Pinkie's help, she'd seasoned it to pony tastes, but had put a weaker version aside to share with her daddy.

She trotted over to the bedroom and checked. He was still sound asleep, and she controlled her urge to nuzzle him and tell him that there were no bad ponies to hurt him. She knew why ponies hurt her mommy, she looked funny and she wasn't clever, but her daddy was clever, so why did they hurt him? She had no answer. But she'd watched the idiot pair bully the Crusaders with no adult rasing a hand. So when the bullies went after her, and her momma, she'd given them a beating they'd never forgotten. That the other Dinkies had helped had made sure Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had never treated them as they did the Crusaders.

She put her daddy's portion of the soup aside to cool and ladled the rest into jars that would survive the trip to the library. She heard someone enter through the laundry room, and was surprised when Sapphire entered the kitchen and stared at her in stunned amazement.

"Yes, I can cook, but Pinkie Pie helped me start," Dinky said.

"Someone from Ponyville came here?" Sapphire asked.

"Well, Pinkie Pie is, unusual," Dinky said, "She sometimes does things that don't make any sense."

"Is she going to tell everyone so we'll have a swarm of them all over us?" Sapphire asked.

"Not after I gave her my copy down of the rules of Diplomacy, and lent her the game. She'll probably get Twilight and the others to all play," Dinky said and smiled.

"And they won't talk to each other for a week," Sapphire said and grinned back. "The Queen's militaristic daughters are both still in a snit about that game."

"And who won?" Dinky asked.

"And how we won," Sapphire said.

Both of them giggled a bit. "Well, I think they'll be hungry, so we should get this to them and see what's going on," Dinky said.

"Should we tell Discord about that game?" Sapphire said.

"You'd better hope that game doesn't spread," Dinky said, "Your people will starve to death."

"I seriously doubt any pony will ever play that game twice," Sapphire said. She rubbed her chin with her hoof. "Now, convincing Discord to play, that would be fun."

They giggled as they packed the soup into insulated bags.

Lyra and BonBon sat in Nurse Redheart's office and thought, thought very deeply, thought very hard, and glanced at each other.

"He kept his word," BonBon said.

Lyra only nodded.

"You don't have to make your decision today. Take a week and think it over," Nurse Redheart said, missing the real reason for the odd looks and reticent of the pair of mares.

"Ma'am, we made our decision some time ago," Lyra said, "It's the enormity of the thing that has us off kilter."

The nurse nodded. She'd been one of those in BonBon's group, but like BonBon, she'd hoped to entice the Big Guy to explore the world, and leave Ponyville in peace. Now that it seemed that he'd done that, never to return, no one was quite sure how to take it.

BonBon looked at Redheart. "How does it feel to have won?" she asked.

The nurse shied, but steadied herself. "Not as good as I thought it would be." She hung her head at the admission.

BonBon nodded. "We do need some time to think about this, and to plan where we'll raise our kids."

" 'Our'?" Lyra asked. Glancing at the pair of depressed conspirators.

"Yes." BonBon nuzzled Lyra. "If you're going to go through it, than I'm going to go through it. And if I go through it, you are definitely going to go through it."

"Okay," Lyra said, "Do you think that it wasn't you and your little band, but Twilight and the Princesses who really did it? Drove him out."

"That doesn't make what we did less inexcusable," Redheart said, she and BonBon nodded, "I also think he's going to be taking some vengeance for it. Like he already has on Twilight. That's what I'm afraid of. What will he do to their Highnesses?"

"He won't 'do' anything," Lyra said, "He'll simply let their fears do the work while he stands there watching. They'll provide all the darkness he needs to work." She stared at the pair of conspirators until both looked away. "He's already doing that. The best revenge is living well. If you quit being afraid of him, he loses all that power over you."

BonBon looked at Lyra, rolled her eyes and sighed. "I hate it when you get like this," she said.

Lyra smiled smugly.

Discord extended the mirror on a stick and used it to glance around the corner. The nervousness of Dinky, Derpy and even Celly strung out along the stairway below him didn't help. He proceeded up to the next landing and crept up to the next corner to repeat the procedure. No one wanted to miss something potentially dangerous. And in a thousand-year-old building, things that might once have been safe now threatened them as much as the intentional defenses.

"We could slip back to the Big Guy's house," Celly whispered.

The little unicorn danced nervously. "I'll never make it."

Derpy gave a little head shake. Clearly the mare was uncertain about her chances as well.

Celly remembered the other places they'd found on this trip and decided for all Discord's theatrics, he had a reason to be careful and thorough. Discord crept through the corridor across the ceiling with his belly against the overhead. Derpy took the hint and collected Dinky to flit from safe point to safe point that Discord indicated. All eyes searched for the sigils that had yielded so much disappointment and added to their disquiet about the place.

The sigil wasn't exactly right, but Discord opened the door with one stick, while he maneuvered his mirror on a stick inside and he used it to do a quick survey. Derpy and Dinky watched, their ears plastered against their heads, bracing for another disappointment, another extension to their discomfort.

When Discord relaxed, they did slightly. But their expectations still lent a tension to the waiting. "No holes in the floor, and this one still has toilet paper."

Dinky and Derpy raced past him into the room. Celly took a more leisurely pace and grinned at the sounds of relief coming from within.

"I still think I can get that bidet working," Discord said.

"I think the ice cold water took care of Woona's needs for quite some time," Celly said.

Discord shrugged. "I'll tell them it's the stallions' later," he said as he left.

Sapphire didn't understand why she'd been avoiding the filly in the glass case. Something primal gave her concerns about being seen, or worse spoken to. With only Discord in the room, she finally began working up the courage to get closer.

"She won't hurt you," Discord teased.

You don't know that, she wanted to tell him, I'm glad I can survive on nonmaterial food, or I would have loosed my bowels and bladder by this point. Sapphire moved slightly closer, and waited to make sure nothing untoward happened. She couldn't shake the feeling she was somehow poking a very large lion with a very short stick. I can imagine what that filly might do, she thought, If she's terrified, I can leave. It's what I'd like to do anyway. She noted the others arriving and she felt slightly relieved. Although Woona's expression should have made her laugh. The ancient ponies had some very interesting plumbing that hadn't been rediscovered in 'modern' Equestria.

The Big Guy's arrival with a couple of large satchels seemed to get Dinky excited, while relaxing the others.

He's so used to 'weird' he takes all this in stride, Sapphire thought as she felt a bit more confident in approaching the case.

The filly's eyes opened, and Sapphire nearly jumped back at the force of the filly's expression and the raw power of the emotion pouring off her.

The emotion cut off and the filly retreated to the far end of the glass box. "Please, don't be afraid."

Everyone was staring at Sapphire. The Big Guy walked over to rest his hand on her head. Discord crawled through the glass to calm down the filly.

"Are you okay?"

Discord and the Big Guy looked at each other, then chuckled at their 'duet', even the tone of concern was mirrored.

"Please, come closer, I won't hurt you," the filly said.

"You just surprised me," Sapphire said, walking towards the filly through a storm of emotion so powerful she felt she was walking into a strong wind. It wasn't just love she felt, but an intense curiosity, and world-weariness. She glanced at the Big Guy and realized why Discord had been so drawn to the filly, for the same reason he'd been drawn to the Big Guy. An old soul, beaten and bloodied, but unbowed and with a childlike sense of whimsy and curiosity. The very thing Discord lacked, and wanted to regain.

"You can change into a pegasus, and a unicorn, and an earth pony?" the filly asked excitedly.

The others began congregating as Sapphire changed forms She'd once taken a job as a stage magician, and it had set her on her current path, realizing ponies could love something like her.

"And you have their powers?" the little, wizened filly said with a manic gleam in her eyes.

Sapphire glanced at the others. They seemed intrigued, and none except Discord seemed nervous, and he was nervous about the filly harming herself. "Yes, whatever form I take, I have their powers. Earth pony, pegasus, unicorn, or any other."

"I did it," the filly said softly. "I did it! I DID IT! I DID IT!" she started soft and grew in volume, ending up dancing around a bewildered Discord. She ran down nearly as fast as she came up.

"So that's what that feels like," the Big Guy said, "You did what?"

"The Windingos," the filly said and grinned.

Before the Big Guy or anyone else could vent their frustration, Discord face-palmed. "Oh, a lady after my own heart," he said, and the two of them giggled.

"All in favor of a brief bit of homicide?" Hotaru asked and raised a paw. She looked at the wolf who'd duplicated the gesture. The former Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes.

"You'd have to be a Draconequus for it to be homicide," Celly said, "But a little concussive therapy is a good idea."

"Okay, okay," Discord said and settled the grinning filly in his lap. "You'll correct anything I get wrong?"

She nodded and snuggled in.

Discord took a moment to scratch her behind the ears before starting. "The ponies warred on each other because none of them had all they needed to grow food. The pegasi could ruin a crop with weather, but not grow food on their own or control the amount of sunlight. The unicorns could control the sun and moon, but couldn't control the weather or grow food on their own. The earth ponies couldn't control the rain or the sun for their crops. And they were able to get away with this, because they had no competition. So their hatred summoned the Windingos."

"Oh. My. God!" the Big Guy said.

"See!" Discord said.

"I'm glad you all understand, what . . . " Celly began, "So she changed the Windingos into a creature that feasted on love, and could be any of the pony races."

"Yep," the filly said, "Mom wanted them gone, but it wasn't their fault they were what they were. So I changed them. Mom was pissed."

"I can imagine," Woona said as she stared at the filly.

Dinky nudged Sapphire and let out a squawk as the changeling fell over.

"She's taking it rather well," the Sphinx said as she set Sapphire back up on her hooves.

"Suddenly none of the pony races had a monopoly. The new creatures weren't in conflict with the other three for the food supply, and they literally lived on the gratitude of those they helped," the Big Guy said, "That's brilliant."

"Then what happened?" Hotaru asked.

Discord shushed her and conjured a blanket and pillow for the filly, before he slipped through the walls of the enclosure. "What do you think happened?" Discord said, "You know what monsters the ponies used to be. They demonized the changeling and sent them running to hide in the deepest parts of Equestria. No pony likes competition in what makes them 'special', and she'd created the ultimate generalists."

"Beings not bound by the destiny of their cutie mark," the Big Guy said, "I can imagine the panic that would have caused in the early days when they were trying to both retain their technology and culture, and get an advantage over each other. Let alone what they were doing to the natives."

"Cows and sheep are still livestock," Discord said, "Something nopony ever did anything about." He stared at Celly and Woona.

The two alicorns shied back.

"Okay, let's not play 'whose fault it is'," Derpy said, "We can't fix it here. How do we fix her?"

"Ceremonial magic," the Big Guy said, "I've never heard of multiple unicorns working together. I suspect that particular discipline was suppressed, so a team of unicorns couldn't retake the control of the sun and the moon from the Pony Sisters. But we aren't bound by that," the Big Guy said.

Woona and Celly began shifting and glancing around nervously.

"I've never heard of that kind of magic," Dinky said.

"It's more a performance than magic for most people," the Big Guy said.

"You know about that?" Derpy asked.

"There are stories and legends about it," he replied, "And there have been concerts and other gatherings where 'energy' was released. In Equestria, where magic is real, I have no doubt that we can make it real. After all, Sapphire, don't you think many of the Changelings in the nearby hive would love to welcome, honor and heal the one who created them in the first place?"

When Sapphire just stared at him, Dinky nudged her. This time, the Sphinx caught the petrified Changeling before she crashed to the ground.

"I think we've all had an exciting enough day," Derpy said firmly, "We all need rest." She glared at Discord. "You too. You can't do her a bit of good if you exhaust yourself."

Discord grumbled, but gestured, conjuring beds, bedclothes and bedding for everyone. Celly picked the Big Guy up by the collar with her teeth and swung him to the center of the mass. She and the Sphinx surrounded him. He shrugged and lay down, letting the collection agglomerate around him. Dinky covered his feet, as Derpy played bolster for his head.

Hotaru planted her butt against the filly's enclosure and lay down. The wolf circled a few times and laid down near her, watching her. Hotaru snorted and let herself drift off to sleep.

Day 52

Zecora left her home while sunrise was a distant promise. She had the map the Big Guy had made and she knew enough to begin her explorations. A new race, of plants. Perhaps that is why my brain crawls with ants, she thought, To make contact, and offer recompense, that is truly a reason to be tense.

The walk through the forest stirred none of the nighttime denizens who were seeking their homes before the sun rose, and was too early for the daytime dangers to be up and about. The path didn't lead straight to her goal, but she had to zigzag towards the grove she sought. And even then it was a ways off the faintly beaten tracks.

Light was just coming over the hills and penetrating into the forest when she first saw them. I could swear, they are screaming in terror, she thought as she looked at the trees and the dappled light illuminating and then hiding features of the trunks and branches, giving the illusion of motion to them. They are trying to flee, she thought as looked in the direction of the source of their terror, and saw, not the spires of Ponyville, but the mountainside of Canterlot.

Twilight approached the window shade. She ignored the facepalm from Spike as she crept up on the window. The little dragon raised a finger as if to point something out, then dropped his arm to his side with a shake of his head.

He waited until she'd looked outside, and found the yard completely clear of little boxes before she sighed.

"Twilight," Spike said, and then reeled back as she hit the ceiling and held on for dear life. "Okay, only decaf for you, from now on," Spike said quietly. "Twilight, the princess' guards have been seeing to it that no one drops any more off. You can relax."

Twilight levitated herself down and smiled. "Of course, Spike, the princess has the situation completely under control."

The knock on the door and call 'delivery'! had Spike all by himself, although a trail of dust and the sound of receding hoofsteps told him where she'd gone. The little dragon shook his head and went down stairs to let Applejack in.

"She's hiding under her bed," Spike explained, "You might want to avoid the 'D' word, or anything associated with it until she calms down."

"I know exactly what would settle that filly," Applejack said, then glanced at the blushing Spike, "Farm work, silly."

"Oh, of course," Spike said.

"Twilight!" Applejack called, "Twilight! I got the perfect place ta hide where those sneaky, ole boxes cain't find ya!" Applejack was slightly surprised when the maniacally grinning Twilight appeared and grabbed her neck.

"Where? Where? Where? Where?" Twilight asked, very calmly for her current state.

"Shush now, not where they can hear," Applejack warned and tippy-hoofed out of the library with Twilight in pursuit.

Spike facepalmed again, then drew out the Big Guy's gift and started reading. "Okay, dragons and gold rings don't mix," Spike said on reading another chapter where a dragon and a magic, gold ring didn't end well for the dragon.

Pinkie woke to the smell of tea, biscuits and the feel of a warm blanket draped over her. She raised her head and looked around worriedly.

"The Cakes allowed me to take your place," the old griffon told her as he circled the pinkie-copter she'd fallen asleep working on. "Considering how late you were up, they understood."

"Sorry," Pinkie said, and sipped the tea. Her usual manic energy was restrained by her desire to watch every nuance of her friend's appreciation of the machine. Even Twilight didn't know she'd rebuilt it, if she was even aware Pinkie had built one in the first place. Everything she'd told the Big Guy came back now with full force. She desperately wanted someone to appreciate this secret, hidden place of hers, and would be crushed if they didn't, or worse, ridiculed her.

This was not a ghostie to be giggled away. This wasn't a worry that her friends didn't like her parties. This was exposing the one place she could truly be hurt to someone else, and feeling each moment like a knife running over it. He didn't approve, or worse hated it. What will I do? she wondered, too frightened to even gnaw her nails or unpoof her hair.

"One slight problem," he said as he turned to her.

She held on to 'one slight' as the last hope for her soul as everything else crumbled under the weight of 'problem'.

"It's not built for two," he said and raised her chin to look at him and his wintry smile.

"I, uh, was hoping you could help me with that," she said and gave him a faint smile back.

He nodded, and Pinkie felt she could have floated to the moon without wings.

Discord and the Sphinx had remained with the filly. Hotaru had encouraged the wolf to follow, and had been horrified to realize he retained his reality on leaving the city and entering the Big Guy's house.

"As long as his love for you exists, so will he," the Big Guy teased Hotaru.

The former Nightmare Moon stared at him in horror, then at the grinning wolf, then back. "But I treat him like crap."

"Men will tolerate a lot for a beautiful woman," the Big Guy told her.

Hotaru fainted. The wolf laid down beside her.

"At least he's a gentleman," Celly said.

Unfortunately, leaving the filly's area had reimposed the communications barrier again. Dinky wrote her or her mother's questions down. 'How do we help her?' was Dinky's first message.

'Ceremonial Magic,' the Big Guy wrote in reply, and brought out several boxes of books from the garage. Most were large, fairly thin with book covers of brown paper, but inside were illustrations, extensive commentary all in neat type.

"I'm glad Twilight never found these," Celly said, "She would have gone insane."

"Most of these are games, magic doesn't really exist, but that doesn't keep huge mounds of theories from cropping up to surround the practice," the Big Guy said.

"The legends and 'rules' of magic are contained here," he said and handed the book to Dinky. He tried to ignore the little unicorn starting to giggle at what she was reading. When she told Derpy. The mother pegasus could contain herself no better than her filly.

"Some pony isn't impressed by human magical thinking," Woona said. She smirked as the mother and daughter tried to control their laughter.

But then Dinky would read some more, and burst out laughing. The Big Guy sighed.

"And you are all so sure this is unknown, rather than unworkable," he said.

He picked up a page of blank paper and carefully copied the design from a book. A pair of interlinked triangles surrounded by a circle. He set the page down and balanced the pencil he'd drawn the image with on the eraser end.

"Dinky," he said pointed to the little unicorn's horn, and gestured at the pencil.

Dinky giggled and lit her horn. Her expression grew serious as her horn brightened. She became very focused as tiny sparks came from her horn. Her horn dimmed as Dinky sat back on her haunches. She complained about something to her mother.

"Woona, your turn," the Big Guy said.

Woona did as Dinky had, but when her horn brightened to almost painful levels, the pencil wobbled and fell. Woona was panting with the effort as she moved close to examine the page and the design.

"So much for magical defenses," the Big Guy said.

"Do not demean your mastery so," Woona said, still breathing as if she'd galloped for miles. "Had I applied that force to the house, it would be a mass of kindling off its foundation." She leaned close to the circle. "Such a simple thing to lay undiscovered for centuries."

"You ponies aren't great innovators. Humans are. You prefer stability. We reacclimate to a sea change much faster than you," the Big Guy said. "Why don't we go through these books and test some of the ideas? We'll incorporate what works, and laugh at what doesn't." He looked over at Celly. "Afraid of what we might uncover?"

"And what can be done with a group of unscrupulous unicorns, against a lone guard or mage," Celly said.

"Or a large group wrestling the sun and moon away from their current operators?" he asked, "Then, you very politely ask them to stop, and when they don't, you get out the garden loppers. It'll only take one strong demonstration and a willingness to do it again before people give up on that idea."

Celly and Woona shivered at the idea.

"Have you forgotten what I did for most of my early adulthood? Clean up the mess of leaders not willing to do that. Bad as it is, is it better to let millions die doing it later?" he asked.

Twilight relaxed, as Applejack shouted at Applebloom and the Crusaders approaching in a box. She'd calmed down from the simple work of harvesting apples and doing some chores around the farm.

Then she stumbled on the stump the Big Guy had sheared off. She looked at the burnt wood and could only imagine what their enemies would do with that kind of power, what ponies who were careless would do with that kind of power. Alchemy that matched the best magics of Equestria.

"You feeling okay, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked.

"Seems everything eventually leads me back to that house," Twilight admitted and gestured at the stump. "How does somepony do that, and just, turn it off?"

"Same way he keeps Discord stumbling, by not thinkin' about it all the time. By thinkin' about a thousand things all at once," Applejack said, "I think he saw one picture of my folks, and when she saw them again, he collected'em and brought them back to us. Just the way his mind works, like Pinkie Pie's but more disciplined. Doesn't stay on one thing, or only part stays on one thing and the rest of it goes on and does somethin' else."

Twilight stared at her.

Applejack shook her head and waved at the farm around her. "Twi, what do you see? An orchard?"

"Yes," the unicorn replied.

"But it's also full of trees. Each one a little different. That's him. You keep lookin' at the orchard, and never seein' the trees. Discord I 'spect looks only at all the trees," Applejack said, "Ya gotta see both at once, and understand that they are the same thing, and they aren't, at the same time."

Twilight stared at her for a moment. "How are you and the rest of the Apples getting on?" Twilight asked.

Applejack sighed. "No problems, we can write, and a hug is universal. Turns out they had some interesting ideas for the farm they didn't get put in place in their world, or ours. It's kinda weird how they watch Applebloom, until I realize they never saw her grow up," Applejack said, then she blushed, "Almost as weird as when I catch them watchin' me when I'm wrasslin' with a tough problem. They look so happy and proud."

Twilight snorted. "Why wouldn't they be?" she said, "You're a good pony. They can be proud of you, even if you're only sort of their daughter."

"What's really buggin' you Twi?" Applejack asked, "Is it you got feelings about him you don't understand?"

"Applejack!"

Applejack whopped her with her hat. "Not like that! Yer curious. And yer scared. Why am I scared of him, when Dinky and Fluttershy aren't? Rainbow won't come near him, and even the Princesses are scared of him. But the kids aren't. Why are the 'brave' ponies all one way, and the 'cowards' all the other, and it's the reverse of what makes sense?"

"I also saw what he picked out to show me those first days," Twilight said and shivered, "Why?"

"Maybe warn ya off. You were so sure you could jist wander in and take, you never thought what a headache it would be," Applejack said, "Maybe you shoulda listened."

"I did not overreact."

"What's that box doing?" Applejack said, then looked at Twilight hiding behind her. "Yeah, I kin see that. You aren't gonna be able ta look yourself in the mirror without lookin' for boxes, until you understand what's really in there. You can write, so ask my folks to take you through the place. They watched all that went on."

"I guess you're right," Twilight said, and blew her bangs out of her face. "I guess I have been acting like a scaredy-pony over all this."

"Gotta look the bear in the face, and it stops bein' so scary." Applejack pointed a hoof towards the fields. "They're fixin' some pumps out there. Go talk to'em. Maybe you'll find out there's nothin' to be afeared of, or find out exactly what there is. Either way, you'll know."

Twilight nodded and started trotting to the other Apples.

Nurse Redheart and Doctor Bracket were waiting in his office when Lyra and Bonbon arrived.

"Have you decided?" Bracket asked.

"Yes," Bonbon said, "Both of us, together."

The doctor nodded. "I understand the procedure, and we have some enhancements to increase the chance of conception taking place."

"Our cycles are synchronized," Lyra said, "They have been for a few years. So we should be ready soon." She smiled. "We talked it over and we want to go through this together."

The doctor nodded. "There is the concern over the insemination sample. Transformation magic, and an alicorn. We'd like you to come back here if you encounter anything unusual. With yourselves, with your partner, or with your pregnancy, understood?"

Bonbon and Lyra nodded. Then Redheart hugged both of them.

"I'm so happy for you both," she told them.

Zecora returned to her hut with the markings copied down and the map appended. Two more groves were possible and she considered the wisdom of carefully splicing roots together to connect her home with the Golden Library. Or should I just connect the groves and let them awaken before I reveal, what we've done to their friends is not ideal? she considered, A talk with Twilight is the thing, if this bell idea will crack or ring.

She collected her findings and headed off to the library. She didn't like the idea of traveling the forest at night, because she expected the meeting to go very late. But it was the price she would have to pay, and it had been neglected far to long.

She had not expected to see Pinkie's copter being flown by Pinkie's griffon friend, but the thought made her smile.

She arrived at the library to find a party going. Twilight and all her friends were there. The focus seemed to be on a strange map laid out on the table. "The rules are really simple," Pinkie said, "And Dinky said that she and the Changeling won the game."

"I can't imagine how diplomacy takes place in their world if they had to make a game about it," Twilight said.

"Eh, this looks like a game for eggheads," Rainbow said, then made the mistake of looking at Pinkie's 'sad puppy' face. "Okay, I'll play it. Conquer the world huh? Seems like the kind of game he'd play."

"Dinky said it was his favorite," Pinkie said.

Spike looked at the rules and then at the others. "I think you might want to think about this. Remember what happened on just the rumor that Twilight owned the house."

"Nonsense," the trio of griffons advanced out of the kitchen with the trays of refreshments, "If it is conflict, it would be a healthy way to channel it."

Spike sighed, "Zecora, do you want to take my place, I think I'm going to be sent to bed before the game is over."

"Much obliged," she said, "And if you are feeling left out, here's some maps over which you can pout."

"The trees?" he said as he looked at them, "Thanks. I'll go incorporate these with the other papers."

"Okay, I'll read the rules," Twilight said, "Is everybody ready?"

Her friends nodded.

32) Who's in Charge Again?

Cultural Artifacts - Who's in Charge Again?
Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 58

Blueblood took in stride the friendly mockery of every face in the room, including Trixie's, being his. It was far less painful than the life he'd lived until just a few weeks ago. "The girl is safe, she's scanning for Discord and the others. She cares for her friends very deeply."

He saw the awe and the 'awww' on their faces as they heard. He usually only saw that directed at Celestia. A whole race who loves you unconditionally, Blueblood thought, I hope the young lady either never learns, or avoids the traps that ensnared Her Solar Highness.

"In the meantime, we all have work to do. Some of you must return to your hives, but everyone who can be spared can help Fragrance Rebirth."

She hated her birth name so much, she came up with that, Blueblood thought, 'The girl' could have picked a worse one.

"To fight Chrysalis?" one of the queens asked, "How? She's so powerful!"

Murmurs of agreement bubbled through the crowd. He could feel their well-orchestrated terror taking hold, Chrysalis has done a stunning job, but it has a fatal flaw..

"Against Fragrance Rebirth?" Blueblood asked in his most mocking tone, and he pointed to the ceiling of the dome, "Against that?" Every eye moved to the dark mass trapped in the ice at the 'roof of the world'. When he looked back at them, he saw confidence, and in some, calculation. Chrysalis had humbled their pride, now they could strike when she was already engaged, and they could strike as one.

"We will do this," Whirlwind said, "Not because Fragrance Rebirth would want it. Not for revenge against Chrysalis. But because it is the right thing to do."

Confidence among them grew with that. The newly minted queen looked to her mother, who gave a nod. Then the old changeling spoke, "You have all heard. We were created from destroyers to be helpers, to subsist on the gratitude and love of those we help. Now we have a chance to set that in stone, so few will remember when 'changeling' was a dark shadow in the night. So all will welcome us, see us as friends and allies. With one stroke, we will step out of the darkness and be who our mother wanted us to be, created us to be. Such a chance may never come again. My hive will strike alongside the Great Mother to protect her people, and those who will become our friends and allies."

The bubbling murmurs became more confident, and the tide of thought became 'what to do after we've won'. Blueblood would curb that before the actual battle, but for now they needed the boost in their morale.

"Does a changeling gain the knowledge of the copied?" he asked.

"Some can, but it disorients the source," the old queen said, "The link is often two-way, so the source will remember what the changeling did while they were them."

"Well, ponies have always said I was dizzy," Blueblood said.

Bush to bush, tree to tree, a lone, purple defender of all things pony kept towards her goal. Spike, following in Twilight's trail, sighed as she continued the most inept 'sneaking' he'd seen in his life. She'd awoken, and immediately started in on the rant that the boxes were going to get the Princess. Then Spike, some soothing tea, a decent breakfast and a favorite book had started their subtle work on the frazzled unicorn.

I had her calmed down too, Spike thought, Until she looked at the city and saw the shield was up. After that, nothing could dissuade her. He signed again as she watched Twilight creep up to the Apples' door, and knocked too softly for anypony to hear.

"Whacha -!" Applebloom began as she came around the corner of the house, then stopped on the stoop to stare up at Twilight hanging onto the ridgepole with all four hooves, "Doin'?"

"Applebloom, what in - " Applejack joined the group staring up at Twilight. "Are you feelin' all right Sugarcube?"

Twilight dropped, and landed less than spectacularly. "Have you seen Canterlot?" she asked, "Have you seen the shield surrounding the entire city? They would have only erected that shield in the most dire of dire emergencies. And I know who's attacking," Twilight assured Applejack, but her manic expression and disheveled mane and tail said otherwise.

"Sure Twi," Applejack said while making shooing motions towards Applebloom, "Why don't we get you a little cider and we can talk about it."

"No time, get Rainbow, I'll get the others and we'll meet at the train station," Twilight said as she trotted off.

"If'n we're in a hurry, what about the doors outside the Big Guy's house?" Applejack said, freezing Twilight in indecision.

"They were sealed up," Twilight said.

"But not the main door inside," Spike said, "Doesn't that lead to the caverns under the city?" He immediately regretted it.

"You're brilliant!" Twilight said, as her disheveled countenance eclipsed all else, "We'll mobilize all of Ponyville. A secret, assault group to rescue the Princesses! The Elements will go through first and the rest can follow once they're assembled and armed!"

"Armed?" Applejack and Spike asked, both shied away from Twilight and looked worriedly at each other.

"Yes," Twilight shouted as she galloped away, "The Big Guy's weapons and vehicles!"

"She's under a bit of stress," Spike explained.

"She's gone plumb loco," Applejack corrected, "How are we gonna use the Big Guy's weapons, none of us know how they work, and they're sure built fer a different shape than we got."

"I'd better go look after her," Spike said and ran after Twilight.

"Land sakes," Granny said as she opened the door, "Sounds like a war."

"Maybe Granny, maybe," Applejack replied.

Fluttershy heard the most frantic woodpecker coming from her front door. "I'm coming little friend!" she called as she galloped for the door.

"Twilight?" she asked with the door open. "Are you feeling all right?"

"No time, we have to save Princess Celestia!" Twilight insisted, and pulled her out of her house and down the trail.

"But who'll look after my animals?" Fluttershy asked as she floated within Twilight's magic.

"If we don't save Equestria there won't be anyone, or any animals, or any Equestria!" Twilight shouted as she galloped. She passed Spike, sending him spinning as she did.

"Who is threatening Equestria?" Fluttershy asked.

"Not here, they could be anywhere!" Twilight said as she ran.

Trixie looked around the huge warship, and felt small and insignificant. "Why didn't they ever launch this?" she asked and her question echoed through the cavernous engine room.

"They never could generate a big enough spark to get the engines going," Fragrance said.

Blueblood looked over at Fragrance's 'honor guard'. "I rather suspect that will not be a problem."

Trixie grabbed his chin and turned him to face her. "Tell me that you aren't thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I am not thinking what you are thinking I am thinking, to wit: fire up the engines and use this as a personnel carrier to carry an army of changelings to defeat Chrysalis and save Canterlot."

"Yes," Trixie admitted, "That was what I was thinking." Then she facehoofed. "You're thinking of doing something even crazier."

"From what Hotaru said, we can send a force through to the caverns under Canterlot. This warwagon has weapons emplacements and blisters where a pegasus can trap clouds to throw lightning," Blueblood said, "If we can get the engines running, we can add this hellion to the fight. With the Big Guy, Celly, Woona, Discord and Tom out of the picture, we are seriously short on firepower."

"The Diarchs will skin us alive for even having this thing," Trixie pointed out.

"That's why you're going in through the Big Guy's house and coming up from underneath," Blueblood said, "I'm banished from Canterlot. If I'm going to get vaporized, I might as well have committed a crime for it." Blueblood laughed. "I was rather more worried that you were concerned about the age of the systems."

"If the books are still here, then the preservation spell preserved the ship at the same moment," Trixie said, "So it's only a few months old?"

"Weeks," Fragrance said, "The city fell within weeks of the ship having the last equipment installed and tested."

"All the engine subsystems?" Trixie asked. Glanced around. "My father fixes locomotives, I know how complicated big machines are."

"I think s-s-so," Fragrance said, but her ears were tight against her head.

"This is insane," Trixie said.

"Does that mean you won't help?" Fragrance asked.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie arriving to save the Diarchs with an army at her back? Nopony would ever believe it. Oh course I'll help, but I just wanted everyone to know that we've all gone completely mad."

"Through insane and out the other side I'd reckon," Sapphire said.

"You don't suppose the Big Guy is like this all the time do you?" Blueblood asked.

Trixie and Sapphire considered, before nodding.

Luna was not a 'morning pony'. Morning for her meant staying up late. I strongly suspect this tiny sphere calling itself 'Tom' knows this, she thought. Cadence had seen her trotting along the castle's less traveled hallways, and had followed. Tom had said nothing about it. He simply led her to a small room well off the beaten path.

The light came on in the room, and revealed a very old and nearly regal changeling. Cadence gasped at the sight. The changeling glared at the junior princess, but gave Luna a more respectful look.

"She is a changeling," Luna said to Cadence, "An emotion-eating shape-shifter." Luna glared at the changeling. "Also something we told should never trouble us again."

"Considering that you have a foolish Changeling Queen already in your city and a force preparing to take your city from you," the changeling queen said, "We are here to offer our assistance, to you."

"Why would you do that?" Luna asked, overriding Cadence's gasp and growl.

"In Equus and Equestria, there's a growing feeling of hysteria," the queen sang, "Conditioned to respond to all the sounds, from the sealed away evil that still abounds."

Luna nodded and the queen continued, "Your dark threat said we will bury you. I don't subscribe to this point of view." The queen shook her head. "It'd be such an ignorant thing to do." She stared at Luna, and Cadence. "If the Changelings love their children too."

An image of the elements appeared above them.

"How can I save my little boy from the Diarchy's deadly toy?" the queen asked and stared at Luna, "There is no monopoly in common sense, on either side of this political fence."

The queen approached. Luna let her while Cadence drew back. "We share an ideology, regardless of our biology." She extended a hoof. "Believe me when I say to you, I hope the Ponies love their children too."

Luna extended a hoof and shook the queen's.

Luna's replied, "There is no historical precedent, that can convince the thrones' current resident." Luna nodded. "There's no such thing as a winnable war, it's the lie we can't believe anymore."

Luna sighed and bowed her head. "Princess Luna says we will protect you, I don't subscribe to this point of view."

She looked at the queen. "Believe me when I say to you, I hope our people love our children too."

She released the queen's hand. "We share an ideology, regardless of our biology." She smiled to the queen. "What might save us, me, and you, is if our people love their children too."

Applejack arrived with Rainbow Dash at the Carousel Boutique as Twilight explained the shield surrounding the city to her assembled friends. "Only my brother Shining Armor can generate a shield of that size. And it gives him terrible headaches if he keeps it up for very long. So if it's up, and it is staying up, there's a serious problem."

Spike stood off to one size, obviously aghast that suddenly Twilight was making perfect sense again.

Applejack shook Rainbow and got her awake again.

"How did you get up to her cloudhouse and get her?" Fluttershy asked.

Applejack closed her eyes and tried to block out the memory. "Don't ask. I jist hope the Crusaders didn't see."

Rarity cleared her throat. "So what are we to do? Dash to the palace and gather the Elements?"

"That's it. But as Spike pointed out, the backdoor of the Big Guy's house leads to a cavern under Canterlot. Even if the other doors in that corridor were neutralized, that should still work," Twilight said.

"Any idea what kind of threat we'll be facing?" Pinkie asked, and 'menaced' each pony, "Huge, magic-eating monsters? Fallen students of Celestia? A giant, planet-eating monster voiced by Orson Wells? An evil spell that swaps everyponies' cutie marks and leaves them miserable?"

Rainbow's hoof corked the further speculation by Pinkie Pie. "It's too early in the morning for that kind of insanity. After all, those are ridiculous."

"I, don't know for absolute certainty," Twilight said and looked far too guilty for that to be the whole truth, "But I do know that speed is of the essence. The faster we get to Celestia, the faster we can deal with this threat."

"Okay, fast I can go along with," Rainbow said, she nudged Twilight. "Aren't you afraid of leaving Ponyville to the tender care of all those . . . boxes?"

Rainbow laughed at Twilight's stricken expression.

"Let's go before Twilight thinks those evil boxes are going to come back," Rainbow said and kept laughing as she left.

"Not enough time to dress properly," Rarity lamented as she followed her friends to the door in the middle of the new park. The Writ of Banishment had been removed, framed, and replaced.

"Good riddance," Rainbow said, "I know some of you liked him, but he was creepy. Even the restaurant they set up to serve him is packing up and leaving town."

"I hadn't heard that," Pinkie admitted.

"Sure, the griffons will be leaving, so there's no reason for them to stay," Rainbow said.

Now Pinkie was looking as nervous as Twilight. "The griffons are leaving?"

"Sure, the Canterlot weather team heard they're gettin' recalled," Rainbow said and headed through the door, "Come on slowpokes!"

"Rainbow, there's still folks who live in there," Applejack said as Rainbow hovered before the door to the house proper.

"What happened to all the 'farmers are up at dawn' stuff?" Rainbow asked.

Applejack facehoofed.

"There is a certain politeness, and the possibility the door is locked?" Rarity pointed out.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and hammered on the door. The door swung open and Rainbow charged inside, with Twilight hot on her heels.

"I got sheep raised in a barn with better manners," Applejack grumbled as she followed the pair. She ignored Rarity's giggle and noted that Twilight was not mesmerized by the immense bookshelves like every other time she'd entered the home. She glanced at Rarity and the pair nodded.

They were through the house and on the patio outside, looking around the immense crystalline cave when Pinkie Pie spoke, "So what are we facing?"

The simple question threw Twilight as she obviously didn't want to answer.

"We need to know if we're going to get the weapons out of the house," Pinkie said, rubbing her hooves, "Maybe Applejack can drive that special cart. I can use the chainsaw."

"Absolutely not!" Applejack said.

"Oh," Pinkie said, "The cart scared you. But me and that chainsaw -!"

"NO!" all of them agreed.

"Well Twilight, what are we facing?" Rarity asked, "You wouldn't be so evasive if you didn't know."

Twilight sighed. "Uhm." She looked around at the surrounding, extremely neutral faces.

"I got up early for I don't know?" Rainbow asked, "Twilight, the boxes are not out to get you. The boxes are not out to get Princess Celestia. There's no hydra. The plant monster got scorched. Discord is scared of the Big Guy. Nightmare Moon is gone. Cerberus isn't out wandering so none of the monsters of Tartarus are loose. Even the Big Guy left town at Celestia's say so. What the flippin' hay could be wrong?"

In the silence that followed, Twilight heard something. A voice she almost recognized. She dashed off in that direction. Rainbow groaned.

"Maybe we should follow?" Fluttershy said. The others reluctantly agreed, remembering what happened last time, and the time before that.

Twilight stood before a wall of crystal, her horn glowing brightly. Before they could stop her, she unleashed a blast that shattered the crystals. Twilight seemed to become herself, and carefully stepped in.

"Who is it? Is this another trick?" the voice in the darkness asked.

"Cadence, it's me," Twilight said.

"You can't be," the voice slowly revealed to be Cadence said as she pulled back into the shadows that still lingered despite Twilight's and Rarity's horn glow.

Twilight grimaced, looked back at her friends and sighed. "Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves," she said as she did a little dance.

"And do a little shake," Cadence and Twilight said together.

"It is you!" Cadence said as she dashed forward and hugged Twilight, "When they locked me up, they said no one would ever find me."

Twilight shot her friends a triumphant look. "It's okay. We'll tell Celestia, get the Elements and we'll take care of everything."

"That won't be easy. She has Shining Armor. If she has him, she has the Guard, and everyone thinks she's me," Cadence explained.

Twilight looked at Cadence. "She who?"

"Chrysalis, queen of the changelings, the one who kidnaped me," Cadence said as she looked around, "Changelings take the form of those you love, and feed off the love you have for that person. Who did you think I was talking about? That is how you knew to come here, right?"

"Uh, beg pardon," Applejack said as she pushed Fluttershy to sit next to Cadence. "Y'all just confer, we need ta do the same." Applejack dragged Twilight away.

"Uh, I'm sure Rarity wouldn't mind if I combed out your mane," Fluttershy offered.

"Certainly not," Rarity said as she hoofed over a comb and brush, "Looking good is a way of feeling well." Rarity headed over to where Applejack had Twilight.

"If'n them changelings are the love-suckin' shape-shifters, you know what that means, don't you?" Applejack asked.

"They shapeshifted into boxes just to make people think I was crazy!" Twilight said and ground her teeth in frustration.

Applejack looked to Rarity who shrugged. "Some help," she muttered, then added more loudly, "Yeah, whatever works fer ya Twi. Let's go get them!"

"Now we're talking!" Rainbow said and raced ahead.

Rarity patted Applejack's shoulder. "It's for the best, really."

Applejack sighed.

"Five thousand?" Celestia gasped. She looked around her 'day room' to grim Luna and shocked Cadence.

"If you count Chrysalis' hive, all the forces extorted from other hives, and the foolish who joined her," the changeling queen said.

"We accept your help," Celestia said, "And we thank you for offering it."

The changeling queen nodded.

"Wouldn't this Crystals have done something to keep you out of the fight?" Cadence asked.

"Chrysalis," the queen said, "She laid a curse on all the hives that defied her. Fortunately, we had a few good people who neutralized it, and we've been able to neutralize it for others."

"A tall biped?" Celestia asked and facehoofed when the queen nodded.

"Yes," the queen said, "He and his friends also freed our Great Mother."

She paused as the alicorns all stared at her.

"Did you ever wonder where the Windingos went?" the queen asked, "The Great Mother transformed them, into us. A being who can be any kind of pony, and who subsists on the gratitude of those helped. No more, 'three tribes' stranglehold. If the unicorns won't raise the sun, a team of changelings can do it. Weather control needed and the pegasi are demanding too high a price, the changelings can do it."

"We've grown in Harmony," Celestia said, "We don't need to circumvent each other's talents."

"True, but that's a thousand years later. The point it, that's what we were originally for. Chrysalis is betraying all that. For a thousand years, we've waited in the shadows, when we were supposed to be standing beside others. Once the Great Mother confirmed what had been heresy among us, we accepted and began to decide for ourselves to fend off the greatest disgrace our race could suffer."

"Disgrace?" Cadence asked angrily.

"Yes, disgrace. We might defeat this city if Chrysalis attacked it, we'd never hold it. If you are going to step out of the shadows, you don't paint a target on yourself when you do," the queen said, "Ignoring the other nations. What about Discord, Tirek, and all the other monsters in the Princess' statue garden. They'll overwhelm even a Changeling Queen, and they'll be far less polite about it than the Princesses would be."

The queen really has taken a disliking to Cadence, Celestia considered as she separated the pair who seemed one step from tearing each other apart.

"So what do you offer?" Celestia asked to be polite.

The queen glared at Cadence while she answered Celestia, "Once all our available forces are assembled, we should outnumber Chrysalis' forces by eight to one."

Cadence blanched and backed away from the changeling. "Forty thousand?!" she gasped, "How did you assemble a force like that?!"

"A very clever pony reminded me of your eventual title, Princess Cadence, empress: Queen of queens."

Cadence curled her lip at the queen, as if offended by the very reasonable solution.

"The other queens retain their rulership, and they administer their territories, I would be chairling of the board, first among equals," the queen answered Cadence's sneer with her own, "It's amazing how offering a carrot, instead of a stick works wonders. I would have thought you ponies were up on all this 'friendship' stuff."

"Do I have to separate you two?" Celestia asked, "Cadence what's gotten into you?"

"This thing is a perversion of all I stand for. Now you are trusting her word that she's aligned with us?"

"I never said I was serving the Diarchy, deary," the queen said, "I'm simply helping them deal with a pest they haven't reached over and swatted, and keeping my people from their back swing when they crush that hideously stupid coward, Chrysalis."

Lyra walked out of Ponyville Hospital, holding the door for Bonbon. When she locked eyes with Bonbon, she blushed. Bonbon blushed a moment later and looked away.

"Tomorrow," Bonbon said, and if anything, blushed more as she rubbed her belly.

"Tomorrow," Lyra agreed, "I can hardly believe it."

"Beg pardon," Big Mac said as he approached, and gestured for them to follow.

They glanced at him and trotted after.

"The horror! The horror!" a couple ponies lamented and fainted.

"Well, we're well rid of them," the mare standing on the rim of the fountain announced.

"Trixie?" Bonbon said on recognizing her, "What's going on?" As the crowd cleared slightly, she saw two more Trixies. "Wha?!"

"It's very simple," the trio of Trixie's said, "There is a species created originally as helpmate to ponies, that have been hijacked by an ambitious fool, and I should know ambitious fools when I hear one."

The crowd chuckled at that.

"But this ambitious fool threatens the Diarchy itself," the Trixies said, "And before you ask 'what can we do against something that will threaten Celestia?' They are not one target, but thousands, if we have thousands of our own, we can assist."

"How are we going to get thousands?" Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah? How?" Scootaloo asked, and nodded to Scootaloo.

"Yeah Trixie," a dozen Appleblooms asked, "Where do we get thousands?"

"I have a cunning plan," Trixie told them as the Ponyvillians realized there were handfuls of themselves scattered throughout the crowd.

"Nope," half the forty Big Macs said, only to be confronted by the other half, "Yep."

"I'm not asking you to charge like Lord Thunderbolt," Trixie said.

"Because we're not pegasi," another Trixie said.

Trixie glared at the other Trixie, while the third shook her head.

"As Trixie was saying," Trixie said, "If we arrive in size and force, there are many things we can do. Intimidate the enemy for one. If they see Canterlot and the Changelings standing together, there may be no battle at all."

"Best I've heard," Bonbon said, and looked at a dozen nodding Lyras. Fifteen Bonbons facehoofed.

The single-file of ponies walked across the narrow path cut in the side of the cavern along the edge of a deep crevasse. The three fliers stayed close to watch their friends. Pinkie leaned over until she had to windmill her legs to keep her balance. Rainbow shoved her back onto the path.

"Thanks," Pinkie told her.

"You must know Twilight pretty well to pull that off that 'Changelings into boxes' bit," Cadence said to Applejack as she fluttered along the line.

"I was wondering if a Changeling Celestia banished the Big Guy so he couldn't charge to the rescue," Applejack replied.

Derpy had been flying all night, with her daughter and her dearest friend on her back. I should be tired, she thought as flew through the early morning sky. The weight on her back, the air beneath her wings, and the trust and faith both her passengers couldn't have been made clearer if they'd written it on her flesh. But I just feel wonderful, she thought as the air seemed to buoy her up.

I thought the risk of overflying Equestria at high-altitude to give us an express route home was worth it, she thought, No pony would pay much attention to little me. Not like they pay me much attention anyway. But I've never felt like this, and I want to go on feeling like this. She risked a glance up at the figure draped over her neck and head hanging on gently. She smiled and sighed, feeling so happy she was nearly ready to cry.

The odd shield around the capital broke her good mood. She wobbled slightly to wake her passengers. She decided to head straight for the capital. The Big Guy can handle any problem, she thought and chuckled to herself.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep," the Big Guy told her, a welcome change that he could be understood.

I still don't know if he's speaking Equestrian, or if I understand his language. I think it's the first, but it could be the second, she thought as she listened to the yawns of her passengers.

"I think there's trouble," Derpy said, "I've been briefed on that shield, but they aren't supposed to use it unless it's really a disaster."

"It's worth risking arrest," the Big Guy said, "They might know about Chrysalis' attack. We can add our information from a cell better than from a thousand miles away."

She smiled at his chuckle.

"What's that?" Dinky said and pointed at something Derpy couldn't make out.

"Young eyes," the Big Guy said as Derpy changed course to close the distance.

In a few moments she saw dots darting around themselves. She had only seen anything like that outside of the Big Guy's flying machine game as a pack of fighting birds. "That's not good," she said as she realized she was well above them, and the three of them were perhaps among the few beings on the planet who had actually studied and practiced air-to-air combat, even if only playing a game. "Dinky, keep a watch behind us." She felt the Big Guy and Dinky rearranging themselves.

"Boom and zoom, that's the tactic I taught you in the game, dive, dive past them, and once you're out of line, use the speed you've built up to climb again, then boom and zoom them."

"Got, it, 'boom and zoom', I like that," Derpy said.

She picked out a particular ball of swirling dots. She'd learned that the dive and climb, or 'boom and zoom' was better for the fliers that were heavier, rather than a swirling twisting fight. And with the load she was carrying, she was heavier than any pegasus alive. But I know I could out-fly them, she thought as she felt the strength of her wings, and felt she could use them better than she ever had before.

She recognized the figures who were attacking. Changelings, but these aren't white, they must be the other queen's, she looked at the frantically maneuvering blue dots, and realized, Those are the Wonderbolts, but they're outnumbered five to one.

"Can you use magic?" Dinky asked.

"I think I can," the Big Guy answered, "But I don't know how."

"Then get something you really trust to work, and focus your magic through it. It's how babies do it. They just want, and with their horn, the magic happens."

"Okay, you're the expert. I just expect this to do nothing, or something truly bizarre," the Big Guy said.

"As long as it works," Dinky said, "You can make it better after you study. Like mathematics."

"Here we go," Derpy said as they dove.

"More coming in from behind!" Dinky called.

"Let me try," the Big Guy said as he shifted.

She risked a look behind, and was glad she had. The huge, green glowing ball came out of the Big Guy's gun, she turned forward as it split into five smaller balls.

"It split into five!" Dinky shouted.

Then they were among changelings, Derpy striking out with hooves and wings, the Big Guy swung, and fired again into the masses of changelings that weren't engaging them or the Wonderbolts. The changelings scattered on seeing the huge, seeming fireball.

And then they were through. Derpy looked back to watch the effect. The Wonderbolts seemed to have reorganized. She watched the balls chasing down the largest masses of changelings, forcing them to break up. But she never saw any of the changelings hurt by the impacts.

"It seems to fall off with range," the Big Guy said as they pulled up and Derpy climbed for all she was worth. "They can eventually wait it out, by running away."

"That sounds fine to me," Derpy said as she climbed.

Blueblood was aware that things the sizes of building weren't supposed to shiver. "Is this necessary?" he asked as he held the railing in the bridge. Spreading himself to several dozen changelings was making him a little loopy. He kept thinking that the ship wanted to go back to sleep and was trying to shake off the irritating fleas prodding into full wakefulness.

Fragrance had also dragooned a team of changelings, and was down in the engine room. It had the advantage that with one of 'her' changelings on the bridge, and several of his in the engine room, they could effectively speak to each other.

"It's this or try to batter through the ice. We don't have time for that," the changeling-Fragrance said.

He looked around and didn't like the idea that technically the ice was all around and passing through them. Without the magical might of the assembly of changelings directed by her and Fragrance, they would be instantly trapped within the massive ice sheet that covered the city.

The sudden silence was more frightening than the constant noise. He looked around, his ears folding down tight to his head. "What's that?" he whispered his question. "It's sure loud." It was not a noise, but a feeling of sound. He shook his head.

It's silence, he thought, After so long yelling and shouting, and the noise of this machine, it's just the quiet.

"Set a course for Appleoosa," Blueblood said, and smirked as all the changelings winced at the quiet sound of his voice. "We'll have to pick up the regiment, and get them to Canterlot."

"What about all of us?" one of the unpaired changelings asked.

"I have to assume that your Queen's efforts have come to naught and be prepared to face Chrysalis' forces already in possession of the city. Better to have some known troops to vouch for all of you."

The changeling nodded as the 'paired' changelings manipulated the controls. "Course laid in, I think," the changeling said. "She only glimpsed the blueprints, and scanned some of the control manuals."

"Take us out," Blueblood said, "We'll learn as we go. Just take things nice and easy."

The sound of the ship flying through the air, rather than slipping between the atoms of the ice was a much smoother ride. Blueblood settled in the captain's chair and considered what he'd do when they entered Canterlot proper. He also wondered if the troops would follow this hair-brained scheme. I think I've figured out another reason Auntie is so worried about him. If he can convince a coward like me to do this, what else can he convince other ponies to do?

Derpy hammered the head of one changeling, smashed the wing of another, Dinky was shooting off spell blots, and the Big Guy fired off the 'torpedoes' as he called them that the changelings still hadn't figured out were probably harmless. But the changeling swarm that had ambushed the Wonderbolts was thinning out.

"That's Fleetfoot down," Dinky reported, "They aren't looking behind."

"I don't think they've been schooled in the Diktat Boelcke," the Big Guy said, "You and Dinky have."

Derpy pulled out of her dive and began her climb. The changelings, who'd been heavily reinforced during the fight, seemed unwilling to engage the lone pegasus, despite outnumbering her by fifty easily. "Canterlot?" she asked, circling to see that for whatever reason, the changelings were not harassing the fallen Wonderbolts, and all of them.

"Canterlot. Maybe they need time to come up with perfect disguises," the Big Guy said, "We'll have to add that to our list of warnings."

Derpy agreed and angled over to head towards Canterlot.

Luna marched between the Changeling Queen and Cadence. Celestia wondered what had gotten into Cadence that the entire idea of a second changeling army bothered her more than the single antithetical one did.

"We should begin planning for the defense of the city," Celestia said, "That is what we all want."

"I think you might want to disclude the changeling infiltrator from those discussions," the queen said, "After all, Chrysalis already has so many of your secrets, it's that right, Chrysalis?"

Celestia suddenly felt the pieces all fall together. "You?! Where is Cadence?"

"Where you'll never find her," Cadence said, "It's amazing, this fool dropping hints, clues, then anvils and you two never saw. Why didn't you simply out me when you first saw me?"

"I hoped they'd see, or that you would," the queen said, "The discomfiture of one minor noble will be far easier for the Diarchy to forgive than an attack on the entire city. While you've feasted on the love of Cadence from Armor, the Diarchs, heck, half the population of Equus, you are no match for the power that is coming for you. You can break off, or you will be broken. There is much you can do, but this is not the way. This never was our way, it was never supposed to be our way."

Cadence/Chrysalis glared at the old changeling queen again.

"There's the coast." Celly pointed a hoof.

Woona nodded as she flew in Celly's wake. They'd been trading off for about an hour as they crossed open ocean. "I still haven't quite figured out where we were."

"We never were explorers," Celly said.

"Maybe you weren't," Woona teased back, "Appleoosa is the furthest town south, we should angle for that, and take the railroad to Ponyville and then go through the house. Hopefully, the others will have reassembled. If they aren't there, we'll have a place to start."

Celly nodded. "Feet dry, twenty minutes."

Twilight exited the caverns. "Come on girls! We have to get the Elements, then we'll head to Celestia and deal with the bo - changelings!" the purple unicorn galloped down the street.

Her friends rolled their eyes and charged after her.

"You'd better accompany us. If we lose sight of you, we might not be able to vouch for you."

"Right," Cadence replied, "I didn't think about the idea. I am rather proud that no one really dislikes me."

"Makes sense," Rarity said, "Are you holding up?"

"Knowing that we can win," Cadence replied, "Has given me the strength to go on."

They ran, ignoring the odd looks from the ponies out strolling on the streets.

"Why don't I head off to the palace?" Rainbow asked.

"The 'temple' where the Elements are kept is not far from where we came out," Twilight said, "Closer than a quick run than to the gatehouse of the palace. And we need all of us to use the Elements."

"And we cain't risk gittin' out of each other's sight!" Applejack said as they ran.

They stormed up the steps to the temple and threw the doors open.

Twilight stormed in, along with her friends. Suddenly the doors she'd thrown open slammed shut and the entire wide open, pillar-filled room went dark.

"Uh oh," Pinkie said.

Cadence/Chrysalis and the old queen stared at each other, fighting a contest of wills. One seeming to hold to the old ways, the other to the new. Luna briefly considered intervening. And the 'intervention of others' would have worked so well when I was conflicted with Celestia's adoration, Luna thought as she watched the two seemingly staring at each other, but she could feel the mental push and shove going on between them.

"You are correct, this is not the way it should be," Chrysalis said.

Everyone relaxed slightly.

"I should do this!" A brilliant flash of light and cloud of smoke accompanied Chrysalis/Cadence's declaration.

"Search the palace," Celestia ordered as she summoned a wind to drive the smoke away.

"For whom?" the changeling queen asked.

"Let's start with Cadence and Shining Armor, and work out from there." Celestia turned and relayed her orders to the guard.

The changeling queen walked up beside Luna. "Have you seen that crazy little ball?" the queen asked.

"Tom?" Luna asked, "He said something about 'going pear-shaped' and left after we started talking."

The queen nodded and with Luna's small entourage accompanied the Lunar Princess through the halls of Canterlot Palace.

Chrysalis smiled, checked that her disguise was perfect, and carefully entered Shining Armor's chamber. She felt the webs she'd spun within his mind were eroding, as they normally did. But he is still mine, she thought.

"Shining, the enemy I warned you about is here," she said, "They are shape-changers, and they've even confused Celestia. We have to get you out of here. As long as the shield remains up, we are invulnerable. But they may try to convince you to drop it."

"How do I know you aren't a shapechanger?" Armor asked.

"Why would one of Equestria's enemies tell you to keep up the capital's ultimate defense?" she asked, and felt the merest flicker of suspicion drop away.

Shining bowed his head. "What can we do? If they've gotten to Celestia . . . "

"I'm more worried about them taking the shape of someone you trust, and telling you they've convinced Celestia to drop the shield," Chrysalis/Cadence said, "I know a few bolt holes we can hide in where they won't even know to search. The advantage of growing up here. You'll be safe there. I can slip out among them, and find out what's really going on. If they get you, then we've lost."

He nodded. As addled as he was by her spell, he still thought as best he could. "All right, but if you come back, my favorite dessert is raspberry tart."

"You hate raspberries," Chrysalis/Cadence said, "Everyone who knows you knows that."

"Yes, and so any of them will give the wrong answer," he said and grinned at his cleverness.

"Okay, I'll remember, and tell no one," she said, "Hold tight, we'll be where it's safe in a moment."

They briefly flickered out, then back into an attic. It was a storeroom she'd hidden in during her weeks of observing the Equestrian nobility and waiting for her moment to take Cadence's place. She laid him on a cot she'd scrounged. "Rest. I'll be back. Trust no one without the password."

Her flanks secure, she headed off to ensure that the nymph who thought herself a queen would find an army of changelings were still a tool for the strongest queen to use. With luck, I can take this city without the 'help' from my 'new friend'. I'd rather keep the city intact, Chrysalis thought, I don't require vengeance on the Pony Sisters.

Tom found Discord atop Discord's statue. Broken, mini-mining tools lay strewn around. "This is going to be tougher than I thought," Discord said, and kicked the statue, "Why must you be so hardheaded."

"We could always tell 'Why did the toast cross the road?' jokes, you hate those," Tom said as he selected a point and fired into it.

"Let's not!" Discord said.

"How about explosives?" Tom asked.

"How about I beat you against my skull?" Discord asked and looked around. "I guess we aren't discordant enough."

"I think once the battle gets underway, we'll have more than enough discord to free him. If you don't mind, I'm going to try to coordinate the forces. I think the ceremony made me different enough that I won't simply be absorbed, but I'd rather be far away when that happens."

"Good luck," Discord said as he selected a new pick to apply to his main-self's stony covering.

"We make our own luck now," Tom said as he flew off.

Blueblood was getting the sick feeling that shaking was the ship's natural state. Through two miles of solid ice while trying not to intermix their molecules he could understand. But we're just flying through the air now, he thought as the vessel shivered beneath him, It shouldn't be doing that now, we should just push the air aside. I think there were other reasons they never moved forward with this design.

"Sir," one of the changelings with his form said, "We just generated a rainboom."

Blueblood noted that the ride had steadied considerably. "Thank Celestia and ancient engineering for that. How soon will we reach the Equestrian coast?"

"Ah, I don't know sir, we're still accelerating," the changeling said.

"What?" Blueblood moved to the helm control. He saw that the engine controls were just a hair over 'off', but the displays showed the engines at full output.

"Engineering?" he called to the changeling linked to Fragrance.

"She's working on it, but the controls aren't working. They may not have been installed correctly," she said.

Blueblood knew that Fragrance would be working on it, and the filly was the only one with even a clue about how the engines worked was working on it.

"Are there any manuals or documentation on this ship?" Blueblood asked.

"You want something to read, at a time like this?" the changeling/Fragrance asked.

"This ship has twelve engines. If it gets to be a problem, we can shut the engines off," Blueblood said.

"We'd never get it restarted," the changeling/Fragrance said, the filly's exasperation clear on the changeling's borrowed face.

Blueblood smiled, knowing one of the changelings facing the real Fragrance was showing his grin. "We don't shut down the energizer, just the engines."

The changeling wearing Fragrance's form showed the filly's incredulity. "That's brilliant."

"I may not be the Princess' Personal Student, but I'm not stupid, and neither are you," Blueblood told her.

"There should be plans in the chief engineer's or the captain's office," the changeling told him.

He nodded. "If any of the engines show trouble or we start to shake apart, shut them down. Otherwise, let's see how fast this thing can go." He headed towards the offices.

The huge force assembled in the cavern containing the Big Guy's 'top' home. As they began moving out, Trixie looked at the massive assembly.

"We could have gone forward with a smaller force," Blossom said.

Trixie shook her head. "There's times to tease the audience, and there's times to pull out the show stopper. This is that time. If Chrysalis really has five thousand changelings, we'll need all fifteen thousand we have. She has the most aggressive and vicious, we'll need the numbers." Trixie could almost feel the changeling queens staring. "My uncle was in the guard his whole life. I was one of the few who enjoyed his stories. He could really tell a story."

"What are we going to do once we face them?" Blossom asked.

"What kind of military training do changelings have?" Trixie asked.

"None really," Blossom said.

"Find some good sergeants," Big Mac said as he trotted up. "Do changelings learn what the person they're copying knows?"

"Yes, but it tends to confuse them, because the link goes both ways. So a person suddenly is spread all over the place," Blossom said.

Big Mac smiled. "That might be an advantage."

"Come on! I'll take y'all on myself!" Rainbow shouted as she struggled against the bonds that held her, and all her friends. Twilight, Rarity and Cadence all had a black, metal ring on their horns. The others were struggling against their bonds. Pinkie was off in a corner playing a harmonica, despite being tied up.

They hadn't moved her from the temple, but the sheer number of changelings in the building made escape by brute force impossible.

"Aren't you the least bit worried?" Rarity asked.

"Nope, see, they aren't' the real thing to fear in the darkness," Pinkie said. The changelings shivered at her tone and began watching the shadows. Pinkie grinned, until five struggling figures were dragged into the light.

"Are these the ones you were hoping might rescue you?" the changeling who asked was bigger than the others and white, "We have had dealings with more cunning foes that you have. It was instructional."

"Sorry," Glorious Sunrise said, "Overconfidence was our undoing."

Applejack started to ask a question, then shoved her own hooves into her mouth. "Sorry, not polite to laugh," she explained.

"Actually," Pinkie said earnestly, "I was thinking of someone else. Someone else, someone who has been killing to protect his people since he was a young boy. If you let us go, and surrender to Celestia, I think I can convince him to leave you all alive."

It wasn't just the changelings who stared at her in stunned amazement. Pinkie noted that Glorious Sunrise, the experienced warrior, took her seriously.

Chrysalis/Cadence moved across the floor to where Armor lay in the bunk shuddering as he 'dealt with his headache', really trying to throw off the spell she had on him.

"Armor, are you awake?" she asked, and he focused on her. She had to take this carefully. She sensed the swirl of emotions within him, and that her control was tenuous and would need reinforcing soon. She would have to treat this gently. "Your favorite dessert is plain cheese cake." She grinned. "But the password is raspberry tart."

He returned her smile. He'd briefly become suspicious, but on the release, he dropped to an even lower level than he'd been when she'd left him earlier.

It was games like that which let her gain mastery. "Twilight is coming in, and she's being pursued," she told him, "I know 'I must do something.' I'll help. How fast can you drop the shield, and then raise it again?"

"A few moments, but why not come in the gates?" Armor asked.

"Her friends are carrying her, and she's trying to get to the Temple of the Elements," Chrysalis/Cadence said, "Direct route, you know Twilight."

He nodded and winced. The headache was getting worse, which meant his mind was breaking loose of her webs. He'd need a reapplication soon enough. But letting him betray his word to Celestia for the fate of his sister would be a weakness she could use when she struggled against him next. Each subtle betrayal and failure gave her greater force than she would have had without them.

"Can you watch?" he asked.

She grinned and lifted the binoculars around her neck. "Trust me." She sent the signal to her changelings. They would be swarming over the barrier now, when it 'blinked' the Equestrians' ultimate defense would mean no one could help them from the outside, and they would be trapped within. The ultimate betrayal that would let her bind even Celestia to her will.

The swarm was up and formed around the shield. Ponies were starting to panic, but the soldiers were telling them that they had nothing to fear. I don't know where they got the fairy story that I had five thousand. I'd be lucky to have eleven hundred. And where are they going to be getting two thousand? Let alone twenty, or forty, she thought.

"Ready," she said, "Now!" And her changelings were through. "Raise it!" she shouted, and the shield reformed. She felt a deep visceral satisfaction as she felt the terror of the populace spread like cancer. The failure of their ultimate defense, and therefore of their rulers spread the panic faster and farther. "Armor, rest," she told him, "Twilight and the Bearers can carry the burden now."

He nodded and closed his eyes. She began casting her spells to reassert her control over him. She eagerly waited for the bittersweet taste of his despair when he realized what he had done.

"I think we can hover on one engine," Fragrance said as she accompanied Blueblood as he disembarked.

Both of us hiding just how frightening the flight had been, she thought as the changeling gazed at the pair with concern, While they knew, they had also felt our efforts to contain the situation. Now have to show absolute confidence, or the scheme and the rescue will completely fall apart. She looked over at Blueblood. He still seems confident, despite knowing how knife-edged this gambit is.

He nodded, the regiment had turned out in full battle array when this monster appeared in the skies. "Captain!" he called out as he disembarked with a small contingent of changelings.

"Sir?" The captain stared at him in amazement, then, with no other ideas, she saluted.

"The enemy you've heard rumors about, we've got confirmation, and many of their people are here to put a stop to these renegades. You've all been trained to operate well above your nominal rank, but you're going to have to really punch above your weight. We have ten thousand troops, and only twenty minutes. Mainly try to keep the units coordinated. How many effectives do we have, that includes all clerks, cooks, everypony."

"Seven hundred thirty-five," Captain Alfalfa said, "You're asking the impossible."

"We outnumber the enemy two-to-one, if we can coordinate our forces, we'll win. The changelings have a sort of web of communications, pick a changeling for company communication. I can coordinate the entire force from the ship." Blueblood sighed. "Now, I know you are all required to uphold the laws of Equestria and the dictates of the Diarchs, and what we are doing violates all manner of laws and standing orders. Not the least of which is my exile from the capital. Anypony who wishes to voice their concerns, I will take note of it and provide the documentation as part of your defense."

Alfalfa chuckled. "Colonel, I think I can speak for the entire regiment, living and dead, to Tartarus with our 'orders'." The regiment cheered as they picked up their gear and headed up into the vehicle.

"What are they going to manage in twenty minutes?" Fragrance asked.

"The North Border Fusiliers are known for miracles," Blueblood said.

"You aren't going to accompany us?" Alfalfa asked.

"From the ship, I have realized I can manage the battle better from aboard," Blueblood said, and ignored the knowing looks passing among the officers and senior noncoms of the regiment.

"Care for some assistance in your miracle?" Celly asked as she and Woona arrived. She let out a deep breath. "Reporting for duty." Celly saluted.

"What was that?" Woona asked as she stared. "The city had a shield like Shining Armor's, but it disappeared for a moment, then reappeared."

"Maybe Chrysalis' changelings knocked it down," one of the changelings said, "We can do the same if we need to when we get there."

"I think we need those engines up and running!" Fragrance called back as she galloped onto the ship.

"If you don't mind being degraded to brigade commanders, I think Alfalfa would like the assist," Blueblood said.

"Gladly," Celly said and stared at Blueblood, "Different universe, amazing."

"Perhaps not, your Majesty," Blueblood said as he walked onto the ship, "Perhaps not."

"Chrysalis!" Celestia thundered as she, Luna, Selene Dreamer and the changeling queen confronted her in the Grand Dining Salon. She got ready to challenge the revealed changeling, then Celestia saw the changelings chasing the citizenry through the streets, saw the Guard had been overwhelmed, and Chrysalis herself had a squad of her own guards. "What have you done? The shield is still up!"

"Princesses Celestia and Luna once rulers of Equestria, I am here to accept your immediate and unconditional surrender," Chrysalis told them.

"We will never surrender to you!" Luna announced.

"You will, if you want Princess Cadence and your precious Bearers alive and unharmed. After all, there are worse things than changeling rule. Your ponies will still need the Bearers' protection. You can't afford to lose one. You can barely afford to lose Cadence," Chrysalis said, "Once you've surrendered, I'll call off my troops. This can be done in a much more civilized manner. Like what you do with cows and sheep. They seem to enjoy their lives. Your people will come to enjoy it, especially if you lead by example."

Celestia turned to face her. "Never," Celestia told her and advanced.

Selene finally obeyed her mother and ran from the room.

Chrysalis laughed, "You forget, love is our power," Chrysalis told her, "And I was the most beloved alicorn in Equestria. You are more feared than loved, a good means to rule as a tyrant, but not good for inspiring the loyalty a ruler needs."

"Says the tyrant," the Changeling Queen said.

"I have not the merest sliver of Celestia's talent for inspiring terror and compulsion," Chrysalis said, "Even your own sister is frightened of you. Frightened you will find her unfit and steal her daughter away."

"I'd -" Celestia was interrupted as Chrysalis struck.

"VILLAIN!" Luna shouted as she fired back as Celestia fell.

"Careful," Chrysalis chided, "You might collapse the building on your precious subjects." She vanished into the shadows. A blast raced out of the darkness to deter pursuit. Luna still charged after her.

The Changeling Queen looked at the trio of guards. "And whose side are you on?"

"Sapphire's," they said, "She was the only one who was ever nice to us."

"I think she'd want you to take Celestia someplace safe, away from Chrysalis," the Changeling Queen told them.

"Will do."

"You can count on us."

Once she was gone, the third added, "Let's not screw this up, again."

Luna blind fired and advanced. She's right, she thought, I could one-shot her, but I don't dare use my full power. And subtlety was never my strong suit. She walked among the pillars of the eponymously named 'Hall of Pillars'. Light and shadow alternated. Plenty of places for either of them to hide. And she can be anyone, Luna reminded herself, So no one can be trusted, and she might even send ponies after me. 'Celestia demands you attack the changeling disguised as Princess Luna. This was not well thought out by me. I should have vaporized her when I saw her and hang the consequences.

She dodged a blast and returned fire down the same line.

"Very close your Highness, but with all the mirrors in here, how do you know that's really where I am." Chrysalis' voice taunted her.

Luna filled the room with power, sending beams ricocheting off every wall and polished surface. She was rewarded with a yelp and the clattering of hooves. So much for 'you can't see me, when I can blanket the entire room.

Luna dashed after the fleeing bug. Intent on making a swift end of her.

Derpy saw the changelings fly through the shield, but it was up before she could follow. "What so we do?" she asked as she fluttered outside the city as the changelings within ran rampant.

"I suspect the guards are going to be occupied," the Big Guy said, "We fly in the gate. Drop me at the palace, you and Dinky head for the house entrances and get the changelings moving if they haven't already."

"Got it!" Derpy said as she dove for the gate, in a moment she saw it was abandoned. "Special delivery!" she cried out as she sailed through it. "I always wanted to do that!"

She dodged easily among the changelings who ran and flew here and there. They seemed to ignore the very weird sight of a pegasus carrying a strange creature, a pegasus who wasn't shocked and running away in terror or attacking them. "This is very weird," she said as she landed and let the Big Guy put Dinky on her back. She turned as he ran into the palace, but before she could get airborne, a pair of changelings landed.

"You can change into anypony?" she cried out in her best Pinkie Pie tone, "Do me! Do me!"

The changelings reappeared as a pair of Derpys. Both immediately reeled as the effect of her strabismus hit them. The last thing they saw clearly was a bluish-gray hoof before their faces, then only darkness.

Derpy looked at the two, unconscious changelings. "It's not so easy now is it?" she shouted at them and took to the air.

Luna stalked through the maintenance halls. Her fury grew by the moment.

"Poor widdle Woooona," the voice taunted, "When Celestia wins the day, everyone will ask where you were. It's no wonder everyone sees you as a freak."

"Show yourself and I'll show you what a freak I am," Luna replied, and covered the entire area in blinding light.

"Too slow, too foolish," the voice came from the left. Luna glanced right, then left, she'd been fooled often enough. "Just let out by Celestia when she needs something squashed. Does she call you into her chambers to kill spiders for her too?"

"I am an equal partner," Luna growled.

"As long as you do what your big sister wants. Do you really think she'd use the Elements on Chrysalis? She wants them on hand incase you enjoy the hunt too much. After all, Chrysalis would keep her ponies all alive, and let her rule over them. You're the real threat to her power."

"Lies!" Luna shouted at the darkness.

"Really, so why isn't she down here helping?" The silence dragged on as Luna struggled to come up with an answer while she searched. "Leaving you to do the dirty job while she stands out in public to be seen as the hero."

Keep talking, Luna thought as her ears swivelled, mentally eliminating echos from the sources, Got you! She fired. There was no yelp. She trotted towards where her shot had landed. Chalked on the wall was the message 'the castle surrenders'.

"You really are as stupid and old-fashioned as I've heard," came the infuriating voice, "But tricking stupid creatures is what we changelings do, so I shouldn't hold it against you. Maybe we should put the sheep in charge, they've got to be more intelligent than you alicorns."

"Guards," one of the three changelings carrying Celestia on the litter hissed.

"I got this," another said, and became a guard, "You're my prisoners."

"What if it's one of ours?" the third asked.

"Then she and I are your prisoner," the first replied.

The guard was a changeling. "What are you doing down here?" it demanded.

"Following orders, same as you," the second changeling said in disgust, "If you want us to understand, you've got the wrong lings."

The guard nodded. "What are you going to do with her?"

"Stash her someplace safe. Must be politics, I'd stick her in a cocoon and be done with it," the third changeling said, "Have we taken the city?"

"Nearly," the guard said, "Just the old queen and her entourage left. And her Highness Temper Tantrum the First. I think I'm going to let her Highness Chrysalis deal with her."

"Another cocoon job," the second changeling said.

The guard nodded as he left.

"Let's get out of here before we screw this up," the third changeling said.

"Again," they said together.

Chrysalis felt the team she'd left behind to cat-and-mouse Luna was weakening, she mentally sent a half-dozen veteran infiltrators to replace the current team. She could hardly believe her luck, or the Lunar Diarch's pliancy and ability to be led by the nose. When an enemy is being stupid, let them, she reminded herself, To correct them is impolite.

She looked around Cadence's room. The massive windows gave her an excellent view of the entire city, and the hopelessness of the ponies' defense. She'd won against them, but her real challenge was approaching fast. Even this is a victory, the ultimate victory, she thought as she sent her mind out to touch the changelings who were breaking out into the open from the caverns under the city. She was staggered by the numbers, but in their midst she felt her discarded daughter's presence. They were in the realms they'd talked about. An army of thousands. She grinned at the ne'r-do-well leading the largest force of changelings ever assembled, outmatching the 'horde' Chrysalis had assaulted and taken the city with.

But there is still the forge, here she will be tempered, or broken. If I must use my friend's gift, so be it, she thought and sent her mind forward to communicate with all the changelings.

"Welcome, Sapphire, I can see you, is it to be hide and seek, or will changeling war against changeling? For pony lives?" she asked, and laughed as every changeling in the huge army paused as they heard her voice as well.

Sapphire looked around. "Chrysalis," she hissed, then looked at Trixie's expression. "My dame, hardly my 'mother', we have . . . issues."

Trixie rolled her eyes, tried and failed to urge the changelings forward.

"Queen's challenge," Sapphire said as she centered herself, "They cannot interfere, but at least that also slows Chrysalis' army as well."

"What's that mean?" Applebloom asked as she threaded through the forest of holey legs.

Every changeling staggered as if they were trying to stand in an earthquake.

"That," Sapphire said as she stood, "She'll keep battering, and I have to protect them." Sapphire turned to Trixie. "Take the ponies and get to the Temple of the Elements, that'll be where the Bearers are." She grinned. "The side-effect of hitting so hard is I can read some of her thoughts. Like reading the sale tag on a hammer someone's pounding your face with."

Trixie turned. "I'll head for the palace, I might have a trick or two of my own. You all head for the temple."

"I know where it is," Cheerilee said, "I can lead us there."

"We'll keep her attention here," Sapphire said, then staggered under another invisible mental blow.

Derpy landed near the Temple of the Elements. The number of changelings guarding the building warned her against going straight in. She and Dinky peeked over a low wall at the guard force who were just standing around staring.

Then she looked sideways at the foal who'd joined them.

"Hello, Selene," Dinky said.

"Hi," the little alicorn said as she peaked over the wall and dropped down, "I know that the Bearers and Princess Cadence are all in there. So are the Elements, but only mom and auntie have the key."

"Perfect place for an ambush then," Dinky said as the three of them slumped behind the wall. Both of them glanced at Selene. "The Big Guy and I have been playing games. Oh, and he talks Equestrian now."

"He went to the palace?" Selene asked excitedly.

"Yeah," Dinky said, "Wait a second, let me teach you a little spell the Big Guy came up with. It's completely useless, but it sure doesn't look that way."

"Great!" Selene said.

"So you scatter the guards, we charge in, and Selene scatters the guards inside?" Derpy asked.

"And we get ready to run, in case the guards aren't totally stupid," Dinky agreed.

Twilight was feeling particularly foolish as she stared at the vault door, behind which rested the Elements. I couldn't have gotten the door open even if there hadn't been all these changelings waiting for us, she thought.

"Buck up, Sugarcube," Applejack whispered, "Ah think these changelings gonna be as unhappy as you are in a moment."

"How do you know?" Twilight whispered back.

"You ever wonder about why the Crusaders' clubhouse was already there?" Applejack whispered back, "Just git ready."

Outside, she saw dozens of changeling flying past the windows. Not flying, fleeing! she realized, then saw a green ball of fire chasing after them.

The doors blew open, Twilight recognized Lyra's magic color. There's not way - she thought as the changelings reacted to having their door breeched so easily.

"Special delivery!" Derpy's voice came, and Dinky popped up just long enough to loose a spell.

Twilight panicked at the sudden appearance of the huge, green, pulsating ball of flaming death the little unicorn had loosed. The changelings were even less sanguine about it, especially as it separated into five, pulsating balls of green, flaming death that started chasing them.

While the changelings scattered to avoid the attack that chased, and selected the largest concentrations of changelings, the entire population of Ponyville charged through the door and began kicking the changelings' flanks.

Sand Cobra dropped behind the Bearers and began slicing ropes. "Sorry about the delay, but I thought I should wait until our numbers could do some good."

"Not a problem," Glorious Sunrise said, "I think we should consider where to retreat to."

"Attack," Big Mac said as he approached, "Only us, against the whole changeling army."

"We get to the palace and rescue Princess Celestia," Derpy said as she landed and Lyra approached.

"The Crusaders got nothing on our crazy," Lyra said happily.

"I'm jist glad I remembered the hoof signal," Applejack said, looked at Twilight trying to round up a few more unicorns.

"I've got this one," Derpy said as she flew to Twilight's side, "Twilight, we have to rescue Princess Celestia."

"We'll need the Elements," Twilight said.

Derpy grabbed Twilight's head in her hooves and shook it. "We have to rescue Princess Celestia, understand?"

Twilight's eyes spun around. "We rescue Princess Celestia first," she said woozily.

Satisfied, Derpy returned to Applejack and the other bearers. All of them were staring at her worriedly.

"Now why didn't we think of that?" Rarity asked.

"You haven't spent a couple crazy days with Discord and the Big Guy," Derpy replied.

"Trixie said -" Big Mac said.

"Trixie?" Twilight shouted, "Trixie's leading this invasion?"

"Trixie's leading the relief," Lyra said, "Until Prince Blueblood can get here with the reserves."

"And Blueblood?" Twilight said as she fainted.

"I think I shook her too hard," Derpy said.

"Okay," Glorious Sunrise said, "We have changelings in the city, where and who are these relief forces."

"More changelings," Lyra said.

"Naturally," the old griffon said. Pinkie glanced at him and shrugged.

Lyra continued, "They have a sort of civil war going against Chrysalis, or whatever her name is. She's the one we have to get. But she and the other changeling queens are fighting a duel, so that neutralizes most of the changelings on both sides."

"So we have the only active force," Sunrise said, "When are Blueblood and these reserves to arrive?"

"Soon," Lyra said, "We really don't have a timetable."

"Then we charge the palace, secure their highnesses and plot a counterattack," the griffon said, "How many changelings on our side?"

"About 20 to 40 thousand," Lyra said, "Give or take."

Pinkie waved a hoof in from of Sunrise's face before turning towards the others. "I think he and Twilight are in conference."

Luna moved slowly, forcing her rage back so she wouldn't storm forward into an ambush. The darkness around her shouldn't have hidden this creature as effectively as it did. The draped furniture and supplies gave anypony ample hiding places and direction to ambush from.

"So she has a daughter by him?" Cadence's voice asked from the shadows.

Luna froze, letting her ears and passive senses locate the source of the voice. Picking the location out from all the echoes. Her ears swivelled as she listened.

"Yes," Celestia's voice replied, "Fortunately, it was an adoption. I doubt my little sister would know what to do with a stallion."

Keep up the insults, Luna thought as she localized it, I'll locate you. You unwashed -

"Celestia, of course she would," Cadence's voice replied.

Keep talking, I will find you, she thought.

"Order him to cover himself and get her a coffee," Cadence said. Celestia's and Cadence's voices tittered at their witticism.

Luna fumed as she searched. It's as if they're coming from multiple directions. They probably are, throwing your voice by magic, she thought and began moving forward.

"Oh, Cadence, I thought you were going to suggest something naughty," Celestia's voice laughed

Laugh now, once you go to sleep, you'll find out who gets the last laugh, she thought as she closed in on Chrysalis.

The explosion threw her back and would have injured her if she hadn't sensed it at the last moment.

"Are you having fun over there little sister?" Celestia's voice asked, "Should I come over there and show you what to do with a stallion? Or are you waiting for permission before bedding him?"

Luna picked herself up out of the heap she'd landed in. She winced at the numerous small injuries. "Keep talking," she said.

Have to be more careful, she told herself as she moved stealthily forward.

"Now Celestia," Cadence's voice chimed in, "She's just being the dutiful little sister and letting you have the first taste. After all, he might want a mare who knows what she's doing, instead of a clumsy child."

Luna nearly growled at that as she stalked.

"Woona's a big girl! Got's lacey panties 'n everything!" a childish version of her voice echoed out of the shadows.

I wonder if they can hear my teeth grinding, she thought.

"You don't suppose she'd actually . . . enjoy it?" Cadence's voice called in horror.

"I can hear you!" the child-Luna complained.

"My pristine little sister?" Celestia's voice replied with equal horror, " 'No not my pee hole!'"

Celestia's and Cadence's laughter infuriated Luna more. The pair was just killing themselves laughing.

Right, they're delaying me, but Shining Armor and Celestia should be seeing to the defense. If I can keep her occupied being snide, I've taken their heaviest hitter out of the battle, she thought as she centered herself and tried not to charge in screaming and blasting.

"You suppose you should give her lessons?" Cadence asked.

"Whatever for?" Celestia replied.

"Well, considering that the Bearers are running out of targets, you're going to need a new set of monsters. They can start with that little abomination Selene, and Luna can pump out a whole series of new monsters," Cadence said.

"Oh, Cadence! He can pump her sorry ass, and pop out another monster! You're a genius," Celestia's voice replied.

I won't - the Hell I won't! Luna thought, then filled the room with fire.

"Trixie? What are you doing here?" the Big Guy asked as he slipped out of the shadows. Trixie had been skulking around the palace, dodging changelings.

"So that's how you do it? Just walk down the middle of the corridor like you own the place?" Trixie asked.

"I keep telling them to keep moving," he said as both of them slipped back into a darkened alcove, "No one wants to be around a sergeant with a bad attitude."

"I should have expected that," the changeling queen said as she approached, "I know where Chrysalis is, I can't take her alone."

"Well, I think someone can draw her fire, and keep her distracted," the Big Guy said and frowned.

"Who else are you going to get?" Trixie asked.

"Oh," he said as he removed a device from his pocket, "Not without an equalizer." He handed her the Alicorn Amulet.

Trixie looked at the green eyes of the Amulet. "So this is 'safe'?"

"No, but the threat is within, not from the amulet itself," he told her.

Trixie suspected that there was more to that statement than it appeared.

Chrysalis watched the huge vehicle approaching and sighed. "Well, have to hold the city. I'd hoped not to have to give my 'ally' any credit, but such is life." She sent the mental signal to bring in her reserves and reached out her mind to the approaching vehicle, and the changelings she could sense within.

Blueblood was not pleased that the shield was up, the allied changeling army was nowhere to be seen, and that there was a good reason for it.

"So she's pinning the army with her mind powers," he said far more calmly than he felt as he turned to face the assembled queens. He surveyed the ship's bridge and the numbers of changelings who now crowded it. "Are you up for giving her something else to shoot at?"

The collection of changeling queens nodded.

"Celly, Woona, take the regiment through the main gate, ordinary pony troops shouldn't be affected, and even outnumbered, we can add our numbers and discipline to the fight. How to batter down the shield?"

"We can slam into it en masse," a changeling looking like Blueblood suggested, "If our queens can dilute Chrysalis' attack, we can do it. Hitting a city will be easy, fighting anything smaller will be beyond us."

"Get it set up," he said, and grimaced as the queens' knees buckled.

"She packs a wallop," one of the queens managed, all dropped their disguises to focus on the battle.

"Hold on, we're nearly there," Blueblood urged. He saw the others were doing their jobs, so he returned to overseeing the ship.

Trixie watched as the old queen and the Big Guy marched through the palace as if they owned the place. Outwardly, she matched their absolute confidence. Inwardly, she thought about the magnitude of what they were doing. I've fought bandits before, even faced a few real monsters, she thought, But if the Pony Sisters haven't dealt with this Chrysalis, is it possible she's dealt with them? Then what are we going to do? They entered the royal apartments. Except they looked, and smelled, distinctly unroyal. There was plenty of evidence in sight and smell that the 'better-than-you' Canterlot nobility hadn't made a determined last stand. They'd been dragged, probably in small groups or lone individuals, from their hidey-holes. The determined pair in front of her picked their way across the royal apartments the way a city-slicker picked her way across a cow pasture, and for the exact same reason.

"This is it," the queen said, "Hiding in Cadence's quarters. With the obvious evidence of this wing being cleared, nopony would look here for her."

He would, for exactly the same reason, Trixie thought.

Then she interrupted him about to say exactly that, "What is Trixie to do? As formidable a performer as Trixie is, attacking a creature on par with Nightmare Moon exceeds her abilities."

Both the Big Guy and the queen chuckled. Then he squatted in front of her and scratched her behind the ears. She nearly melted into his hands, and remembered how much she'd missed the simple act.

"A changeling queen can be in the mind of all her hive, feeling them and directing her thoughts to them," the old queen said and grinned evilly, "It also works in reverse."

"You don't understand, we are the diversion. You're the main attack," the Big Guy told her, he stopped scratching and gestured out the huge window at the end of the hall that enclosed the peak of the Canterhorn like a picture frame. "They're desert dwellers mostly, I think you know what to do."

The absolute, sheer audacity of it staggered Trixie.

"All we are is to buy time," the Big Guy said, "You're going to hammer them."

You really are this mad all the time, Trixie realized, And it's spreading, she added as she understood and agreed with exactly what he was suggesting.

"You are fools, I have crushed Celestia herself, what hope do you children have against me?" Chrysalis taunted the queens who were barely holding their own. Dozens and she battered at them, keeping their troops immobile and impotent. Her own troops were stymied, but the levies she had were still working.

"Surrender now, you have brought troops and weapons enough to hold not just the city, but all of Equestria. We will have our nation. I will be magnanimous. Swear fealty to me, and you will have your own provinces within the land." She felt their resolve weaken.

Then she felt her daughter's defiance rage and the wavering defenders shored up their crumbling defenses. She hammered them again, and enjoyed feeling the new buttressing buckle. "You can struggle until you die, none of you can possibly stand against me as a committee. You will have to select one and duel one queen against another," she told them before slamming the full force of her mind against their patchwork defense. She felt an intense sting of pride that her daughter, alone at the front and poorly supported by dregs not worthy of the name 'queen' still managed a better defense than the collection of real queens aboard the huge vehicle.

"Well I have a surprise for all of you," Chrysalis told them, "You have your chance to surrender."

She watched the odd dragon-like creatures burst out of the ground. Six, huge leviathans of blue-veined green stalked the ground, firing flames or lightning at any resistance. Their wings began filling out as they walked and soon they'd take to the air.

"They will finish off the army inside, and then slip out to deal with you. You no longer interest me, goodbye," she said as she released her hold on them. She nearly staggered from her daughter's counterstroke, but she was far too experienced to fall for such a trick.

Blueblood looked grimly at the creatures. "Get that shield down, then have half your force begin cutting clouds. There are spots in this ship to channel lightning. If she wants to hit hard, we can hit well above even those pseudo-dragons." He looked back at the worried queens. "Your majesties, move," he said, breaking the draw of the monsters.

In truth, he was as terrified as they were. I can't show it. Besides, with Woona, Celly, Celestia and Luna in the town, they're each a match for a dragon or two. And if by some insanity, the Big Guy, Tom and Discord are in Canterlot, this conqueror's 'winning' throw of the dice will only reveal that we're actually playing cards.

"Begin diverting power to the weapons," he ordered and moved to the weapons' console, "Let us see what this thing can do."

Celly caught the captain as they entered the city and sighted the dragons. "We will take them. There's nothing you or your troops can do except die gallantly." The commander nodded and stepped back.

"Three on one is not good odds, even for us," Woona said in their native tongue so the others would not hear.

"What choice have we?" she asked as both of them lifted into the air.

Thousands of changelings slammed into the shield, shattering it completely.

"Did you feel that? Maybe we have a chance," Woona said.

Celly felt the traces of a massive spell. Both of them realized where the spell was being directed. Celly turned towards the regiment as they steeled themselves for battle against a dragon. "Turn! Get under cover now!"

Celly and Woona raced through the streets shouting to any pony who would listen to get back in their homes and barricade their doors and windows.

Trixie noted the arrival of the dragons, and the markings. They remind me of Nistag's, she remembered the description Blueblood had related, I wonder . . . But she continued directing the spell. Letting it build to a climax. The Amulet was magnifying her power, but she felt only detached, almost empty as if her body no longer mattered and only her magic existed.

The Big Guy led the way through the door, and spotted Chrysalis. She began a pronouncement, only for her eyes to widen in shock as a huge, green, pulsating ball of fire raced from the Big Guy's pistol straight at her. She dodged frantically, but the ball chased her. The queen used her distraction to fire shot after shot into her, scoring Chrysalis' chitin, burning a wing, and making her evasions more frantic. Chrysalis fired shot after shot at the ball to no effect, the spells faded to nothing within it. Unfortunately, she turned to stand. The ball hit, and didn't even singe her.

She turned to the pair. "You mock me?"

Her answer was a hail of bullets and energy bolts. She answered by hurling the Big Guy through the large picture window. The old queen took her moment to flee.

"Foals, you think to escape my dragons? My army? And soon, my nation? More fool you!" She trotted outside and saw Trixie. The mare calmly stared at her. "Well, perhaps I'll let you live. You didn't attack my person, and I'll have need of a jester."

"I'm afraid I must decline," Trixie said and gestured as the shield shattered, "They were my diversion. A magician always keeps her audience looking in the wrong place while the work is done."

"And what work did you do?" Chrysalis asked, and felt the deep crack and rumble, far greater than what had preceded the revelation of her dragons.

Trixie felt like cooked noodles, she could barely keep her head up. Despite the Alicorn Amulet, her magic had been stretched beyond any previous limit. Worrying, she hadn't cared while she had been casting. But the effect will be worth it, she thought as a lifetime of performances let her show none of the terror of a creature who should have sent a sensible mare screaming in panic. Best of all, nothing she does can stop it, Trixie thought, I expected it would trigger when they knocked the shield down, I never expected someone would bring it down early. And she can watch, that will be enjoyable.

"I beat you," Trixie said, "You should have accepted their offer to surrender."

Chrysalis' sneer died as she ran to the window and stared out. The huge snowpack of the Canterhorn had broken loose. Chrysalis wasn't stupid, once the initial shock wore off, she figured out exactly what was happening, would happen, and that Trixie had done it.

"Beaten by a jester, too bad for you," she said and gazed calmly at the incandescent rage on the queen's face.

Her placid reaction infuriated the changeling queen. I know the spotlight is off me, but every moment I have her undivided attention is another moment for the others to move freely, Trixie thought as the first of many hoof blows rained down on her, This is a three-ringed circus and the main act is now elsewhere.

The trio of changelings had broken cover and stood out under the sunlight. They cheered as they set down the litter, then saw the blue-veined, green dragon staring down at them.

But it wasn't that which had them screaming in terror and trying to retreat back into the building. Their charge had woken up enough to scramble in another direction. They turned and tried to keep the dragon's attention as Celestia escaped. What they saw behind the dragon froze their souls in fear.

Blueblood watched the avalanche spread itself out, forming a huge, threatening cloud. The brimmed hat and cape marked the figure as Trixie as much if not more than the face did. The figure looked down at the changeling army staring up in horror. The army panicked, the dragons tried to lift off on their malformed wings. "Get our forces out there to catch anyone swept off the edge," Blueblood ordered, then added, "I'm going topside to coordinate."

Several changelings followed so they could keep relaying messages.

"That's impossible!" Twilight exclaimed as she stared at the huge Trixie figure, face contorted with righteous rage and moving as if to stomp her hooves on the city. The figure descended like the avalanche it was. Applejack and Cadence dragged Twilight back to where the rest of the Ponyville army was running, the Temple of the Elements. It had armored shutters and a good, stout door.

"Snap out of it!" Applejack shouted through gritted teeth, finally she just flipped Twilight onto her own back and ran for the temple.

The impact of all that snow broke Applejack's grip on her friend and sent her tumbling end over end.

Changelings raced through the air, catching the screaming ponies, griffons, minotaurs, mules, zebras and even changelings swept over the edge. Blueblood stood on the roof of the huge, ancient vessel and plucked figures out of the snow for the myriad waiting changelings to pluck them from his grasp and carry them to safety far below, or onto roofs sticking up above the snow.

"Why don't you reel them back aboard?" Fragrance asked as she plucked the fallen and terrified from the gouts of snow that cascaded over the edges of Canterlot.

"Because then I'd completely lose my reputation as a blithering buffoon," Blueblood answered, "And that would shock their little, pony minds."

Fragrance glanced at him worriedly, then went back to saving the victims for the changelings to pick up.

Luna popped out of the snow that had poured in every window. She looked at the five stunned changelings, and instantly fired on the two who were up and around. "I am an idiot," she whispered, "If they can be anyone, they can be each other." She tried and failed to shake all the ice from her feathers. "While they had me occupied, they did this?" She trotted out across the snow and tried to collect a force to search the palace for Chrysalis, and to regain control of the city.

Celestia soared above the thundering snows. Ponies, changelings and others were covered by the drifts, but others were helping them out, including a fair amount of changelings rescuing those in danger.

She raced for the Temple of the Elements, and caught a glimpse of lavender. "Twilight!" She dove for the figure and plunged into the snow, dragging Twilight out and swinging her onto her back. She then tried to climb back into the air, but ice had fouled her wings. "Someone enchanted it to do just that," she realized. She unraveled the spell while she swam through the torrent of snow.

She turned and saw the edge of Canterlot itself fast approaching. She realized that the spell needed to free her wing of ice would harm Twilight in her state and position. She used a lower power spell to melt the ice and then dry her wings to usefulness, as she surged through the torrent of snow. Racing her magic against the approaching edge. But she didn't beat it. She and Twilight were swept off the edge. She floundered as she tried to fly, and teleport, only for Twilight to slip from her back.

Anger flared and she dried herself completely, reducing the torrent near her to steam. Before she could dive after Twilight, a familiar trio of changelings appeared, carrying Twilight in the litter they'd carried Celestia in.

"I told you it would work!" one announced as they hovered up towards Celestia.

"I said it was risky, not that it wouldn't work," another complained.

"Do we put her back on her back, or follow?" the third asked its companions.

"How am I supposed to . . . know, woah that feels really weird," the first said.

Celestia realized they were feeding on her gratitude for having saved Twilight. "Please keep carrying her, and follow me." She turned towards the Temple of the Elements as the last of the snow cascades trickled off to nothing.

Big Mac hoofed Applebloom off to Granny Smith. The filly had been livid that he'd not allowed her to rush out and rescue Applejack. He shouldered the door open and stared at the pristine white that surrounded and covered everything.

Dinky's horn glowed, and Applejack appeared slowly emerging from a snowbank in the lee of a building. "I bet that's the biggest apple anypony's ever picked!" she said delightedly as she set Applejack amid the Crusaders. Several others began applying warming spells.

"Yep," Applejack said between her chattering teeth, "I lost my grip on Twi though."

"I believe I have her," Celestia said as she arrived, the three changelings carefully set the bewildered unicorn among her friends to warm her back up.

"I'm sorry, Princess Celestia, I couldn't get the Elements," Twilight said.

"I think we have another solution," Celestia said to the ponies bowing to her.

The cry of raw rage that echoed across the snow-covered city had even Celestia looking around in fear.

Sapphire and the others pushed down the barricades they'd hastily constructed, and began searching for people buried in the snow. Changelings owing allegiance to Chrysalis were taken into custody. Others were sent to the various assembly areas.

Then they heard the cry of fury echo from the mountains.

"Let's link up with the regiment, and head to the palace," Sapphire said, "That wasn't Chrysalis."

Luna had seen the figure break through the cap of snow and ice that had covered the statue garden. She had thought to confront Discord, only for him to stare at her with an expression of utter rage. Then he'd looked away, dismissing her from his thoughts as he gestured and stalked away. Luna followed him at a discreet distance.

Why is he walking, instead of just appearing where he needs to go? Luna wondered as she moved from cover to cover to watch him.

Oddly, the changelings who were digging through the snow noted him, got out of his way, and returned to their rescue work. He paid them little mind either.

Then she saw his destination. Celestia and the Element Bearers, as well as many of their friends and family. They saw him and assumed defensive positions.

What little good it would do, Luna thought as even Celestia shied back from Discord's grim expression.

He pulled a box from his sleeve, flipping it open with his thumb. Inside were the Elements. While he seemed to offer them to Twilight, only Derpy seemed brave enough to take the box from the draconequus and give him a 'thank you' before moving back the hoove the box to Twilight.

Then Derpy and Dinky cantered after Discord.

Derpy was catching up to Discord when Rainbow swooped down in front of them and flared her wings. "Derpy, hello, you're following Discord?"

Derpy normally accepted that Rainbow outranked her in the weather patrol, and Rainbow was a hero of Equestria, but she was through accepting that Rainbow could treat her as if she were stupid.

"Maybe you have so many friends you can abandon them when they need you, but I don't," Derpy told Rainbow as she stepped past and cantered after Discord.

I saw his expression, Derpy thought, And I've spent enough time with him to understand that he doesn't understand what he's feeling. Something hurt him. Derpy shuddered but tried to stay positive that the Big Guy was merely badly hurt, and not dead. Something hurt him by hurting his friends. He needs us more than ever. She and Dinky flanked Discord as he walked back to the palace. She ignored whether the others were following or not. At the moment her world was her, Dinky, Discord, and whoever had hurt him.

She was overjoyed to see Tom, whole and unaffected, after all the concerns with him possibly being absorbed.

"He's stable, but he'll need rest. Trixie is in worse shape, but the local magics are more agreeable to her," Tom reported, as if speaking to someone he knew wasn't listening.

Derpy looked at Dinky, and the filly's frightened expression. She's figured out who 'he' is, if Trixie was also mentioned.

"We'll look after Discord," Derpy promised, and nodded to Dinky, who nodded back. "But I think Hotaru and the Sphinx might need to be with 'him'."

The grapefruit-sized sphere bobbed as if nodding, and raced away. Discord continued marching, as if the act was all that was left him beside the anger he didn't understand.

Derpy didn't need to be a genius to figure out where Discord was going. "If you saved them, they'll be all right," she told Discord, causing his steps to falter.

Dinky added, "He'll be disappointed if you kill her."

Discord stopped and glared at her. "You didn't see what I saw," Discord growled, "You didn't - "

Dinky gulped as his expression but still pressed on. "I didn't say punish, I said 'kill'," Dinky said, "He'll be disappointed if you kill her. You're Discord, an Elemental force, she chaosed you in a way you didn't like, but your friends lived. You can chaos her back, but she has to live. And isn't it better if she can be aware of it?"

Discord's anger didn't wane, but it redirected itself back to its original target. "You're right, and there' so many terrible things you can live through." He started back towards the castle his mood lightened and he began singing.

"Let me tell you how you will be: There's hoof for you, and feet for me. Cos I am Discord, yeah, I am Discord."

"Should chocolate rain appear for all, then yummy scones from sky do fall. Cos I am Discord, yeah, I am Discord."
"A wagon drive, I change the street
Down you sit, I'll hex your seat
If you get a cold, I'll hex your heat
If you try walk, I change your feet."

"Discord! Cos I am Discord, yeah, I am Discord."

"Don't ask me I do it for (Princess Celestia)
If you don't want to play some more (Princess Luna)
Cos I am Discord, yeah, I am Discord."

Now my advice for those I spy: declare your preference loud and high.
Cos I am Discord, yeah, I am Discord."

"And you're playing for no one but me.
Discord!"

"Mister Discord," Dinky said.

"Yes?" Discord asked.

"Are you singing especially discordant on purpose?" Dinky asked.

Discord frowned. "Everyone's a critic," Discord said.

"You wouldn't want us any other way," Derpy told him and butted her head against his hip.

Rainbow put on her Element as they cautiously followed Discord. Everywhere they went, changelings were digging the citizens and visitors to Canterlot out of the snow. "Abandon my friends, I'd never abandon my friends," Rainbow grumbled as she walked, for once not eager to be the first one to reach a place.

"It appears neither would Derpy," Rarity pointed out, "And considering that she's been with the Big Guy for quite a while, I doubt Chaos is as terrifying to her as it would be to most ponies."

"What are the North Border Fusiliers doing supervising these changelings?" Luna asked as she marched beside Celestia.

Celestia made a strangled sound. "It can't be," she said, "It can't be."

"Can't be what, your Highness?" Rarity asked.

Celestia gave her best, knowing smile, but had a feeling that the impossible was happening far too often and easily.

As they approached the palace, a huge force of changelings had assembled before it. A few royal guards noncomms were trying to straighten things out.

"All right you lot, eyes right, triple file," the bewhiskered sergeant suddenly was facing hundreds of himself, all in precision formation, every button polished and crease of the uniform perfect. "No comedians, please."

"Sir, just getting into the role, sir," dozens of the changelings called out.

"I'm a sergeant," the bewildered pony replied hotly.

"As you were, sir, officer on parade, sir," several more changelings called out.

"Attention to left, and salute!" the sergeant order, and the entire formation turned with a machine-like snap, then the salute.

"We may not be able to get the guards to give them up," Luna teased, "If they can be trained this quickly."

Celestia shook her head. "Well, we do need an escort," she admitted.

Chrysalis turned as the formation approached her. The bloodstained hooves and legs gave some explanation to why Discord had reacted as he had.

"You are under arrest for breaking the laws of Equestria, making an illegal war and threatening the lives of Equestrians and Changelings," Celly told her.

"I defeated you once," Chrysalis said, and glanced at Woona, "And your little dog too."

"You may have defeated Celestia," Celly said, "But I'm not her, and everyone here is quite durable. The rematch would be quite a bit more than the first was."

"Oh, then I surrender," Chrysalis said, "I've already won. She may be skulking at the back, ready to rush up and support, but I sense Sapphire there among you."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Celly asked.

"The 'Empress' is old and will transfer the reins to the best contender," Chrysalis said, "Whatever happens, my line will rule the changelings as a single nation." She laughed. "It wasn't exactly how I wanted to win, but it's a win in the long run."

"I'm glad you feel that way," Discord said and waved at Chrysalis.

The would-be changeling empress sat and blinked at the collection of stunned ponies.

"Maybe your daughter can raise you better," Discord said and left the newly created nymph to face her other accusers.

Celestia and her 'army' of ponies and changelings arrived a moment later, and took the nymph into custody.

"Now it's time for a party!" Pinkie declared.

Derpy had thought the celebration unnecessarily enthusiastic and thoroughly misdirected. After seeing the Unicorn capital, the sheer scale of Canterlot no longer impressed her, and the nobles and functionaries speaking when they thought she couldn't hear reminded her too much of the records in the ancient, unicorn city. That none of her friends was in attendance made her feel more and more irrelevant. Celly and Woona were 'elsewhere'. Discord and Tom were off discussing something. Angrily, if the lightning in the clouds was any clue. Blueblood hadn't shown up, and Trixie was still in the hospital. The Sphinx had entered the city and with Hotaru and the wolf, made a beeline for the Big Guy's hospital room. The Ponyville folks had by and large been confined to the hospital for a myriad of minor injuries. Her own wing had been sprained, but she was 'well' enough to attend. First time I ever wished to have a broken wing rather than a sprain, she thought.

'The less said about Sapphire and the changelings the better' and 'out of sight out of mind', seemed to be the attitude of most of the celebrants. That the common people were grateful for their help, and had dozens of less fancy parties for them going on across the city proper, was immaterial to the nobles and guards who had just had the inadequacy of their preparations and themselves dragged in front of everypony and stamped with a big red 'Return to Sender'. We haven't changed as much as we think we have, Derpy thought as she made her way to the perimeter. Dinky either sensed or shared her mood. She had heard more complaints about 'what are we to do with all the snow' than she'd heard discussion about rewarding, or even thanking the changelings for their efforts.

"You aren't leaving already, are you?" a pink alicorn asked her as she made her way through the last line of decked out nobles and functionaries between her and the exit.

"Not my kind of party, majesty," Derpy said and bowed.

"Cadence, please," the alicorn said.

Derpy struggled hard not to tell her 'my name is Derpy. I have been hanging out with Discord too long, she thought.

"As you command Princess Cadence," she replied, "You have enough Ponyville heroes who enjoy the attention, one fewer who doesn't won't make a difference."

"I'm sure there're ponies who'd love to meet you," the pink alicorn said and gestured back towards the party.

"Princess Cadence, they didn't care about me when I was the best, most decorated mailmare in Ponyville. I do not have to care about them, when the ones who did the work are denied the very thing they would most benefit from, the accolades and gratitude. I beg your pardon, but I'd rather be with people I chose and chose me, who saw me as special before I had a hand in proving how empty all this is."

The pink alicorn seemed taken aback by Derpy's blunt speech. It had gotten her in trouble before, but she was tired, angry and her aching wing was making her too cross to go along with the grinning fools congratulating themselves on their utter failure. She and Dinky had excused themselves at the earliest possible moment.

"Are you okay momma?" Dinky asked.

"No," she admitted, "While all of you were reading about deeply magical secrets, I read a few of the newspapers of the time. Some of the things they said about pegasi, and about unicorns has me a little irritated seeing it replayed in there."

"I don't understand," Dinky said.

"Good," she said and nuzzled the little unicorn, "Because we're going to see the Big Guy. Which is where we should have been all along."

"Yay!" Dinky said as she pronked happily.

There were a pair of guards in front of the room, and a unicorn doctor. He was confronting the Sphinx, Hotaru and the wolf. He seemed completely oblivious to how angry he was making them, and the guards weren't much better.

"He must have absolute rest," the doctor was insisting, "And his sleep has been troubled enough."

Derpy facehoofed. "We want him to rest quietly, and the people he rests quietly with are being denied entrance?" she said intentionally loud enough for the doctor to hear.

"And where did you get your medical degree? Same place you got your lazy eyes?" the doctor asked.

Derpy turned to Dinky. "Blast him, you know the spell."

A huge green, pulsating ball formed and raced at the doctor. He and the guards ran off, the ball separating and chasing them.

"Ladies," Derpy said to the shocked trio, "I have had just about enough of that for one day."

"You first of course," Hotaru said and held the door open for her.

Derpy nodded and grinned. Dinky followed her in. Hotaru closed the door and lay down beside it to block it closed. She then exhaled some vapor.

"Guards," Hotaru said, "They'll look and act like ponies."

Derpy decided not to ask. Her own wings were vastly stronger since the ceremony, Hotaru might have gotten a boost as well. She watched him toss and turn, deep in the grip of nightmares. One arm was strapped to a board so his restlessness didn't pull out the tubes going into that arm. Derpy lifted Dinky up into the bed. The filly had to step carefully as the legs twitched and moved as he shifted positions.

Derpy climbed up after her, and settled against him. She nearly squeaked in surprise as his free arm seemed to crush her against him. But that seemed to settle him as he breathed in the scent of her mane and snuggled against her.

Dinky giggled as she settled on his now less mobile feet.

Derpy nuzzled him, feeling safe, needed and wanted. She let herself drift off into sleep.

Celestia had received the reports from Cadence of Derpy's reaction to the celebration, and she was also concerned that Canterlot's most eligible bachelor had skipped the party. The reports coming in drew him as the mastermind and much of the driving force behind the entire rescue plan. She needed to confirm or deny it. That this All-Mother of the changelings also had made no appearance, despite being aboard the huge vessel that hung some distance off of Canterlot worried Celestia. She was only too aware that Discord, Tom, Celly, Woona, the Big Guy and an absolutely huge army had come arrayed for war, and none of them had any particular reason to love her. She had decided to start with one she thought she might have some influence on.

She and one bodyguard had been allowed aboard the battleship. The changelings had been unfailingly polite, but like good soldiers, they could politely shoot her, if that was their orders. The entire vessel was large, even for her. The scale of the passageways exceeded all but the most elaborate hallways in the palace. But these passageways are for the passage of material, not ponies, she realized as they moved steadily aft, Is the bridge aft?

Celestia looked nervously at the various changelings working on the inner mechanisms of the battleship. Her guide stepped into one vast room in particular, and nodded for her to wait. The bug pony trotted to a large machine that occupied one entire wall and buzzed something into the hatch in the side of it.

It returned a few moments later and nodded to her again. A disheveled, dust and grease spattered pony crawled out of the mechanism. Celesta was utterly shocked.

"Get the splines of the rest of them aligned like that one. That's why we had the engine trouble," Blueblood called into the mechanism before focusing on her. He bowed and seemed to regard her coolly. "Your Highness."

Not 'Auntie', she thought.

"You weren't at the celebration, I was wondering if you'd been injured," she said.

"I'm still under exile," he said, "I assumed that the invitation was a sop to my family, a political maneuver, nothing more."

"But, the Big Guy is in the palace hospital, yet you're here on this ship," she said.

"The Big Guy conquered Canterlot, with an army, Discord and a battleship at his beck and call, his banishment doesn't matter." He looked around. "Alien warships have always been treated as sovereign territory, like embassies. So even though I'm in Equestrian territory, as long as I remain on board, I'm in foreign territory." He smiled.

"You could have asked me to raise it, I've offered before," she said.

He grinned and tapped the side of his snout, transferring grease between the hoof and his nose. "No, you see Princess Celestia never makes a mistake, everything is part of her grand, master plan. Since you've been locked in a game with my mother for as long as I've known both of you, I realized that the invitation and the exile remaining in place was just another cunning exchange between you and mother, and had nothing to do with slighting the pony who helped rescue your city at all."

She blanched at the quiet, amused tone, and that having delivered it, he used his horn to pick up several clip boards and begin making notes on them. The dirty, disheveled and determined stallion in front of her clashed strongly with her image of him. A changeling infiltrator would be easier to believe, she thought.

He glanced up at her. "Oh, don't distress yourself, Your Highness, I'm used to it by now. My real service to the crown almost requires it."

" 'Real service'?" She wished he'd driven a nail into her instead.

He took on a wistful air, the likes of which she hadn't seen since he was a colt. "You see, in the days of my innocent fascination with you, I thought you were lonely, and frankly even as a child I was no fan of my mother or her machinations. I thought all you needed was a clever pony to be your friend. Someone close enough to your rank that he wouldn't have to grovel at every step. So I studied, everything about you, everything you were interested in. I learned it all. Offered it to you. And you know what, I found out I was right," he said, and the cheerful demeanor dropped away, "Because you immediately went out and found a shinier, or should I say sparklier model. Then to make sure I understood my place in your world, you stuck her in my class at the School for Gifted Unicorns. It wasn't enough to just have her in the school so I'd continually hear about her latest wonder, it had to be continuously in my face."

"I put her in the class with the highest . . . achievers," Celestia protested, then realized the implications.

"Yes. I know that, now. But as a child, if you had sought out a rebuke to me, my childish offer of friendship and all I tried to do, you couldn't have managed a better one," Blueblood said calmly, "Even my mother was impressed by that one. She actually allowed me to cry about it, for an entire afternoon."

Celestia bowed her head.

"So, for the next decade, I was perpetually reminded that even if I broke all previous records, I was still second best, and as a 'Prince Blueblood' second rate. No one ever broke 100 in the academic decathlon, and certainly not against students an entire grade above his. Twilight broke 120 against them and 100 against two grades above. I got the first triple first in fifteen years, since they toughened the curriculum. Miss Sparkle got the only quintuple first in history. I could understand I had the bad luck of being in the same class and same year as a truly gifted prodigy. All my triumphs, which would have made me an invincible conqueror any other year in the school's entire history, made me a distant also-ran in that class. So I tried desperately not to take it personally. I am ashamed to say, I only mostly succeeded, shunning rather than insulting Miss Sparkle more often than not. Although that didn't take much effort on my part, she shunned the entire school when it wasn't academic. I mean, who were we? Ordinary ponies. Nothing compared with the splendiferous radiance of her personal teacher: Her Solar Highness Celestia Regina Magnificant."

She flinched at her more formal titles, and was glad when he finished.

"Then for some unknown reason, the salutatorian didn't get the congratulations letter that was traditionally received from the hoof of the crown. While others remarked on the anomaly, no one was less shocked than I was. You were showering Twilight with all the praise she justly deserved, and there was simply none left for anyone else."

Celestia looked at him. He wasn't angry, which she could have understood. His tone and posture was indifferent. He didn't care she'd done it. He just wanted her to know he knew she'd done it.

"It had taken years of repetition on your part, and maturing on mine, but I finally got the lesson. I could never be separated from my family. I was only a link in a long chain of irritating, idiotic Prince Bluebloods in your world. You were just like my mother. Nothing I did would ever make you love me. I was a chess piece in your great game. Indistinguishable from the last Prince Blueblood and interchangeable with the next when you or my mother picked the right mare for me to breed with."

"It wasn't like that," Celestia said.

"I really need to thank Miss Sparkle, she showed me with perfect clarity the one thing I don't think even she's learned. Yet." Blueblood looked at Celestia. "That worshiping the very ground you tread upon is an empty and hopeless life. And it warps everypony who tries it."

Celestia let her anger show. "Twilight Sparkle- "

"Nearly destroyed all her friends and neighbors because she was afraid of disappointing you!" Blueblood thundered back. "Every mare or stallion who worships you goes insane! Because they can never match your splendiferous triumphs, meticulously perfect manners or keep up with your discordant sense of humor. The dichotomy was enough that she assaulted the young sisters of her closest friends, then dragged the entire town into that insanity. Accuse me of every sin that has even been breathed about me. I! Do Not! Enslave! Foals! For! My! Desires! EVER!" He glared at the clearly stunned Princess. "Fine Twilight Sparkle is your unsullied perfection. What about Sunset Shimmer? And Katydid? Even your own sister couldn't handle the strain. All of them tried to live up to the standards you set, and all of them failed and went mad. Twilight Sparkle nearly exterminated the friendship among the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony because she was terrified you wouldn't love her anymore."

Celestia felt her mouth dry. She couldn't say anything.

"Except it's all a lie. You don't have good manners, whatever you do in your puckish sense of humor instantly becomes good manners. All your 'great triumphs' are buried in history beyond the ability of even bookworms like me and Sparkle to find. Nightmare Moon, a candy-eating bogeymare, not the evil spirit trying to exterminate us all. Discord, a funny statue in the gardens personifying squabbles, not a mad god and torturer. King Sombra, completely unknown and his kingdom with it, except for an odd title here and there. And why? To keep hidden the fact that your triumphs were pyrrhic victories one and all. Sombra, oops, the ponies you were trying to rescue, gone and under Sombra's spell since then. Discord, hastened Luna's descent into madness. Tirek, held in Tartarus until he could find some way to escape, then released and currently in your statue garden. A manavore awaiting release into a capital city full of unicorns. Nightmare Moon, forced you to become unworthy of wielding the Elements, the very embodiment of Harmony. And all that meticulously hidden from prying eyes. Funny how ponies' eternal shame is repeated winter after winter until we all understand what flawed beings we are. How many other calamitous 'victories' of yours have you covered over 'for the good of your little ponies'? How many of your own students have broken their minds and spirits trying to please you?" He took a deep breath. "And have you bothered to tell Twilight that she was just the last in a line of placeholders until Luna returned?"

Outrage drove her to speak. "That's not true," Celestia told him, "She's studying friendship in Ponyville."

"She never learned it from you?" he asked softly.

She retreated as if slapped.

"You try very hard, I'll give you credit for that. But your heart only has room for one, your sister Luna. All the rest of us are mayflies you refuse to let loose, for fear you'll lose us too early. Is that why every time I applied for military service, diplomatic postings, even simply studying abroad, it wasn't my mother who quashed the idea, it was you?"

Celestia straightened up. "You weren't ready, and you obviously couldn't have handled the role," Celestia said.

"Many would point out the very experiences I was requesting would have cured that. And isn't it strange, I managed to play the role of exactly who and what you wanted and needed, and had you completely fooled for fifteen years," he said, "It was the only thing I ever did which you appreciated. I molded myself into the shape of that mental image you had for me and every other Prince Blueblood throughout history. You needed me to be the foppish, self-absorbed, slightly undiplomatic idiot you had to suffer through. So you could yell at me, and no one thought you a monster. So you could vent a month's worth of pent up spite on me, and everyone still thought you a saint. But whom did I permanently hurt when I did it? Did I ever reveal secrets that weren't already known to those I 'revealed' them to? No, but you never noticed that, because I fit the outward image you'd convinced yourself of. It was the only service I ever gave which you accepted gratefully, and don't think I didn't hate every moment of it. I would have preferred being stationed on the border rather than surrounded by nincompoops jockeying for a position they would never get a sniff of and being spun like tops for your amusement. If you'd once put your hoof down, you could have enacted the reforms the Big Guy put in place in one week. If you'd been interested in ending the game, you could have declared my mother an exile and banished her from the capital, or even Equestria. I know for a fact you could have gotten a conviction on a dozen counts of high treason. Yet, I'm the one who handed you that particular sword to use against her." He shook his head. "I'm through dancing to your tune in the unending Canterlot Chaconne. I'm free. I can go where I wish. Be who I wish. Laugh at what's actually funny. Call something stupid, short-sighted and cruel when it is. And get out from under your thumb and my mother's."

"Do you really hate me so much?" Celestia asked.

"To be perfectly honest," Blueblood replied, "Yes I do. I hate how you force everyone and everything that you drag into your orbit into neat, little shapes that you are comfortable with and never let them out, and I hate myself for going along with it rather than not caring what you wanted and living my own life. I hate the games you play with our entire race. At least Discord's games could be seen. You play yours across such a scale that no one realizes it is a game, and you can sit back and laugh at us trying to do what we think you want, when it's all a mockery based on someone who irritated you six hundred years ago. The part I hate most is the grinning contempt for us, while you refuse to even acknowledge your hoof in all the trouble. In his world all us 'Little Ponies' were toys for children, to run through our behaviors based on the whims of juveniles. Here, it's the same. You don't want us to be adults because we'll quit playing your games and play our own. It's why you're so terrified of him. He might make a bunch of us grow up and quit wanting to please you and decide live instead of play."

Blueblood paused to let her reply, his anger had been creeping up during the entire speech, now he mastered it. She found she couldn't even look at him.

"I hate your support of the soft tyranny of only the unicorn nobles, who never actually do anything, being exalted above all others. The reason they are exalted is their proximity to you, the reason they never do anything is that them actually doing something would require they break their proximity to you, and yet you despise them for acting exactly as any rational creature would when the djinni granting everyone in reach their every wish, ignores everyone not in earshot and holds the wishers in such utter contempt. You created this entire mess and whine to anyone who'll listen about how terrible it is. You're absolute monarch, since not even Luna can find the fortitude to speak out against you, and you'll edit history so in a hundred years all the textbooks will trumpet your brilliance and wipe away the anguish it caused. So change it yourself. Change yourself. Abolish the court, move yourself out into the Everfree, leave the ponies to govern themselves, disguise yourself and go be a wandering miracle worker."

Celestia stared at him in horror. "Who'd raise the sun?"

"Unicorns did it before, they can do it again. Let the weight of this vast, clunking bureaucracy you've created be the force behind common sense. Our mistake was venerating a pack of self-absorbed ninnies as leaders. But with the Changelings, no race has a monopoly anymore. That was the real problem. Now it has a real solution. That's the other reason you want them gone. As long as you and your sister are the solution to every problem, you've got us in a stranglehold. The instant we grow up, we realize we don't need you, we can't afford you. And you can't have that."

"You seem very brave to say this, if I am the tyrant you say I am," Celestia replied.

"You are a tyrant. If you had the courage, you would be a bloody one. And if you were," Blueblood said as he leaned close, "Then I would die free. As it is, no one will know about this conversation and my departure will be me being a spoiled brat, again. Not me despising you and your city with every fiber of my being. But fear not, I shall not return in vengeance, that's a fool's option." He stepped away from her and gestured around. "All these beings realized that whether they cared about ponies or not, doing nothing to stop this would be a stain on their national honor. They came not for glory, not for ponies, and not for you. They came because it was the right - thing - to - do. Now leaving is the right thing to do. So they and I will do that also. Section Leader, escort her Highness back to Canterlot."

The changeling bowed and gestured for her to follow back out the way they'd come in.

"What about you? Where will you go?" she asked.

"I'm free, that is no longer your concern, your Highness," he said and stepped back into the machine and began giving orders to the work crew.

Celestia felt the door between them close. The closet she'd forced him into, because of his family and title. Now he was free, and he despised her. Perhaps rightfully, she thought, I didn't see him, I saw only who he was supposed to be.

33) And For My Encore

Cultural Artifacts - And For My Encore
Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 59

Derpy woke and then remembered she was on vacation and snuggled against the warmth surrounding her. She felt his slow breathing and steady heartbeat, and was content to stay like this forever.

Something is going to intrude, it always does, but I am going to enjoy this, she thought, We saved the princesses and the capital, we've done our duty.

She snuggled close and was rewarded by a slight tightening of his grip on her.

Luna was deeply regretting the length of the party, and her enthusiastic participation in it. When Celestia excused herself to raise the sun, it was the first clue that the event had been going on as long as it had. She was trudging back to her apartment. When the Diarchs had returned from their twice-daily task, they'd found most of the revelers had departed. 'Tia had canceled court, and was returning to her chambers. Luna had decided to do the same.

She was quite surprised to find herself already there.

"Selene let me in," Woona said as she played with the filly.

"I'm surprised anyone is even awake, even Pinkamena and Cadence took to their heels when 'Tia and I left," Luna said.

"I was 'discussing' things with my sister," Woona said, "A discussion I believe you need to have as well."

"About?" Luna asked, feeling mainly the call of her bed, and rest, rather than curiosity.

"I'm you, at least partly. I mean about your relationships outside of your sister, about someone who knew how desperately you wanted a child, and how your crippling fear of overshadowing your sister is making you stupid," Woona said, using phrasing that didn't send Luna spiraling off into fury, but hit those sore spots very hard.

"And you lack such problems?" Luna asked.

"I am not that interested, he didn't give me a child, and we both know, our sister needs a partner and a friend. A tagalong kid sister is a placeholder for something that may never come," Woona said, "She wanted us for a thousand years, every day, desperately, she stopped needing us, in about a week."

Luna frowned at that, but such accusations had already stung her to numbness when the changelings had kept her sidelined by using them. Another embarrassing failure, Luna thought, They are piling up.

"So what, we just swap places? Someone is going to notice that Selene is no longer with the Lunar Diarch, and she is with Celly," Luna said.

"As cruel as it is to say, the ponies will accept anything Celestia tells them," Woona sighed, "And to be honest, do you really want to live in your sister's shadow, forever?"

"No," Luna said, "What's your plan, besides swapping places, you know what the biggest hurdle is going to be."

"Actually, the biggest hurdle is the name change, but that's got a plan in place as well."

"I'll sleep on it," Luna said, "I'm really in no condition to agree to anything in my current state."

"I'll be around, after lunch. Captain Blueblood has a plan, and frankly, him acting competently makes me think Discord has conquered the world."

Angel Bunny glared at Discord, Discord glared right back. Fluttershy and Tom continued to busy themselves, seeing to Fluttershy's animal friends.

"Thank you for the ride," Fluttershy said as she prepared food, and checked on a few, injured animal, "We left in such a hurry, I didn't get a chance to do anything."

Discord was about to tell her 'not a problem', when he caught Tom glaring at him. A very good trick for a featureless, monochrome sphere. "You're welcome." And the glare faded.

Cadence was shocked to awaken in her own bed. Clean sheets, clean coat, brushed out mane and tail, it was as if her captivity were merely a nightmare she had just awakened from. But she saw the calendar and realized that a new nightmare had taken the place of her captivity.

Then she saw the two changelings in her room. Both had the aura of wolves waiting for a kill.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Her fear made her heart race and full wakefulness came to her.

"Guarding," one changeling said, "We had orders you were not to be disturbed."

"There is a tea tray and a selection of pastries waiting for you," the other said.

Cadence stared at them for a bit. Neither moved from their location where one would always have line-of-sight on the windows, the door, and Cadence. Neither reacted as she slipped out of her bed. When she approached the bathroom, one of them moved up to jump anything that might have been waiting from her in there. They're doing a better, although more intrusive job of protecting me than the Guards ever did, she thought, I'm not sure I like this. But to get me and Shining safely to the wedding, I'll endure. The thought made her turn to face one of the guards.

"Shining Armor is still recovering, he's under guard and medical observation," the changeling said as he held the door open for her after scanning the room, "He'll need rest, but the doctors have reported he'll make a full recovery. We can also see love passing between people."

"Thank you," she said, and meant it.

"We also were here so Twilight wouldn't pester you with questions about the wedding," the changeling said and seemed to grin, "Like why she wasn't invited."

"The invitations haven't gone out yet?!" Cadence asked and shook her head, thinking of evil things she was going to do to Chrysalis, or maybe asking the Big Guy and Discord for some pointers, while Chrysalis listened.

Trixie felt simply awful. Sore everywhere, weak and disoriented, she barely noticed that the bed was far wider than it should have been, that the noises of either the great outdoors or a working theater were missing, and that the sunlight was streaming in a huge window. I should be in little squashed pieces, she thought as she woke slowly to the realization she wasn't the Great and Powerful Rug Stain. How am I still alive? She felt for the amulet, and found it missing. I don't think that I'd've woken up if Chrysalis got it, although supposedly you can't remove it if the owner is still alive.

She woke, looked around, and recognized the medical wing of the palace. I have got to get out of here, she thought and looked around for her hat and cape, then shook her head, a mistake, Ow, ow, ow, even if you're alive, you aren't in one solid piece, and they would be so bloodstained that they'd be unrecoverable. She slipped out of her room, checking for guards or snoopy medical-types, and headed down the corridor. She spotted the teams of workers and ordinary ponies heading for the entrance, or in this case, the exit. She infiltrated among them. Security was tight for anyone going in, but they were mainly concerned you didn't take anything with you on the way out. Trixie didn't even have what she'd arrived with.

Not that I'll tell the guard that, she thought as the young stallion looked her over and waved her through.

Once she was out of the palace, she headed back towards the entrance to the cavern containing the Big Guy's house. Through there, I can get to Ponyville, then to my wagon, and gone. I have had quite enough of Canterlot, the Bearers, and the insanity surrounding them.

She glanced up at the huge sky machine hovering over the capital like a thunderhead. There is nothing good going to come of this, she thought as she headed towards freedom, I'll link up with the Big Guy when the insanity dies down a bit. A strolling player, thrilling audiences with my magic, that's what I want, that's all I ever wanted.

She looked at the ship again and sighed. I need to thank him, and tell him to escape this insanity, she thought, I wonder what I'll have to do to convince him. I'm afraid 'Igor' isn't going to be part of the act anymore, but I might find another assistant. No, I'll never find someone to replace him. She headed to the airship and considered how to get on board.

The pink explosion into their midst woke every Bearer and the few family members who'd remained behind, instead of returning to Ponyville. Many sets of eyes tracked the frantic pink, alicorn, but the stream of words seemed to defy comprehension.

"Of course we'll help with your wedding preparations," Fluttershy said.

Cadence sighed and seemed to calm down.

Fluttershy glanced at her stunned friends. "Of course I speak chipmunk," she told them.

"Sorry, the wedding is in a few days, and I just found out nothing has been done," Cadence said. She seemed on the verge of continuing her freak out. Instead, she took a deep breath, and fell into a Celestiaesque serenity. "I need your help. We'll need dresses, Rarity. Catering, Pinkie Pie. Can you do a Sonic Rainboom after the vows are exchanged, Rainbow?"

The pegasus nodded.

"Fluttershy, music. Applejack, I'd like you and Pinkie Pie to coordinate the party." She looked at the stunned party mare. "Pinkie, this is going to be one of 'those' parties. Like the Grand Galloping Gala, a social event, rather than a party lovers' evening." She winked at Applejack, besides, it's my party and I'll serve the food I like."

Pinkie saluted. Cadence and Applejack chuckled at that.

"Twilight, I'll generate a list. I'll trust you and Spike to keep all the details organized."

"Not to be a cynic, but where do we get all the spare pony power for all of this?" Rarity asked.

Cadence grinned and looked back to her guards. "Well, they said they wanted to be our friends." She grinned wider at the shock on all their faces.

Fragrance sighed as she completed her analysis of the fragments from each of the dead dragons, and she came to a simple conclusion. "They're my mother's work," she told Blueblood, the Empress, and Sapphire, "I don't know who is this 'Nistag' the locals are chattering about, but either it's an alias, or he/she/it stole my mother's work."

Blueblood nodded. "I was afraid of that," he said, "The ancient villains seemed capable of feats no other unicorn could dream of, it makes sense that they were trained to the ancient standard."

"So when do you want to start your lessons?" Fragrance asked and smiled.

"As soon as I can get the Big Guy's shotgun so Discord can have a 'talk' with me," Blueblood said.

Fragrance tried to piece together the meaning, then gave up and just smiled.

"So Molybdenum Blossom is still out there, or are her followers? And why did Chrysalis team up with her?" Sapphire asked.

"Because it let her strike from the shadows and still hit the princesses," Blueblood explained. Now it was his turn to look sheepish and smile, "You didn't think Canterlot society was all smiles and rainbows did you? The weapon of choice now is not inviting someone to a party, or making them look ridiculous in front of the court and the princesses, but the politics are still pretty cutthroat."

"First, I think you answered the question backwards, you're saying why 'Moly-be-damned' signed up with Chrysalis," the Empress said, "Not the other way around. Second, who is on the Princesses' side?"

"Actually," Blueblood replied, "It works for both of them. And the general public sides with Celestia. Anyone who isn't a courtier."

"Why didn't you simply throw the princesses off the throne and take over?" Sapphire asked.

"With seventy-three, feuding houses, all of them willing to backstab the other and constantly change sides? And then there's the general public who outnumber the houses and their troops a thousand to one. The houses are too busy fighting each other to try, and Celestia has five houses and all the nonnobles who actually are loyal to her. You don't think that her captain of the guard and her prized student being brother and sister is an accident, do you? They may be a minor noble house, but they're still a noble house. And power is measured by proximity, elevating Shining Armor and tutoring Twilight gave their house a tremendous boost."

"Well, I'm not playing. With all due respect to the princesses, this place isn't home and I'm not going to bow and do homage to the local shaman-queens. There's a whole world out there, and frankly, this ship is a big enough 'world' for me right now," Fragrance said.

"Besides, if Molybdenum Blossom is still out there," Blueblood said, "She's a greater threat to Equus than even Tirek."

"Agreed," Sapphire said, "The question as always is: 'what are we going to do about it?', and the fact that while the locals are happy to see us, the nobles are already mounting a slur campaign."

"Frankly, it s a question that's never asked, the question asked is 'What is Celestia going to do about it? What we do is we leave," Blueblood said, "But I want all of us together when I lay out my plan. We can't do that with Tom and Discord not speaking, and the Big Guy unconscious."

"Don't worry about Tom and Discord, a shiny new problem, and all will be forgiven," the Empress said.

Derpy looked at the plan. "You can't 'expedite' the Royal Mail Service. 'The same service for every pony' is a matter of pride," Derpy explained to Cadence, "That said, if you bundle the invitations the way I tell you, and I fly them to the Baltimare Distribution Center, that'll shave a day-and-a-half to two days off the delivery time."

Twilight looked up from her list. "How is that not expediting?"

"Because it's allowed by the rules," Derpy said.

Rainbow shook her head. "That makes no sense."

"Of course it does," Derpy replied angrily, "You were asking me to go around the rules." Derpy waved a hoof at Cadence. "She was asking me if there was a way to do it quicker. That's completely different."

"That is so slow!" Rainbow said.

"You could always hand deliver them yourself," Derpy offered.

Suddenly, they were down one pegasus.

"Thought so," Derpy said, "I'll head back to Ponyville and get my manual and my stamp, so I can make it official. They'll be in the distribution center by nightfall. They work at night so that's okay."

"Told you," Twilight said and grinned at Cadence, then checked off one of the red items off the checklist that trailed behind her.

Derpy felt her thoughts racing out of control. She did what her friends at the post office always told her, which ponies outside rarely let her do, she stopped, took a deep breath and thought about the problem. As panic subsided, she came to a simple conclusion. "Rarity."

Back in control of her emotions, she trotted to where the Element Bearers were housed. Cadence decided since they were still there, she'd use them to help with the wedding planning that Chrysalis had let slip, Derpy thought, I can use them for the same purpose. Fluttershy for some other advice, but start with Rarity. She looked out at the courtyard where the Crusaders, Dinky and Selene were practicing high-wire walking. Thanks to Discord, they were doing it the way real high-wire walkers practiced, on a wire less than a pony height off the ground. Discord had been having a field day suggesting horrifically dangerous sounding ideas, then implementing safety procedures that would have done the Big Guy proud. The fireworks test had been conducted with then in a bunker half a hoofball field away from the actual fireworks. When it had exploded a few seconds after take off, only a few ponies' dignity had been harmed.

Then Discord explained to the terrified nobles, and freaked them out completely. Keeping things utterly safe, but still loud and disruptive seemed to have struck a balance between him and the Diarchs.

They seemed very concerned about his 'Apollo Program', although Dinky seems very enthused, Derpy thought as she arrived at Rarity's room. It looked like someone had moved the work rooms of her boutique to the apartments of Canterlot. Cloth and ribbons and tools were everywhere. She was glad to see the Changeling Empress there, as well as several other changelings working under Rarity's direction. The Empress was paging through the book Rarity had gotten from the Big Guy weeks ago.

She approached them. "Have you got a minute?"

"Of course," Rarity said, "How is he?"

Rarity didn't need to explain who 'he' was for Derpy. "He's recovering," she said, "After the injuries, he's healing up a lot faster than expected."

"All that high-quality love you and Dinky keep him cocooned in. He may not be conscious, but you've made it very clear that you're there," the empress said.

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk about." Derpy felt a stab of fear, and she bowed her head. "I've been hearing some things, Things about him, and about me, and . . . us not being an us. I'm not really that smart, or pretty, or -"

The empress' laughter interrupted Derpy. "Forgive me, but for someone who can see love passing between people, you have nothing to fear. Even in your own circle, you and Dinky are number one by a wide margin. So stop all this silly talk, I could give you lots of head-spinning explanations, but it comes down to he loves you. Not the passionate ardor and lust of young lovers, but the old, comfortable love of longtime married couples. He likes you, he trusts you, and he's devoted to you. That's not a guess, that's what an old-time infiltrator can see."

Derpy sighed with relief. "I guess the rest of my plan is silly too."

"Nothing silly about being in love," the empress said, "The love you lot have for Sapphire is enough to feed half the changelings in the field."

"Besides, if you came to me, you want something special," Rarity said and winked, "For him or for you?"

Derpy's answer was inaudible even to her.

"Pardon," Rarity said and she bent close.

Derpy blushed hard. "I want to seduce him!" She turned away and buried her face in her hooves. At Rarity's signal or the empress', all the changeling workers filed out.

"A lot of the noblewomen, some of the guards, and . . . are making eyes at him, some of them are presenting, and I want to let him know how I feel in human form. They've always done that, teasing him, but even when he's in the hospital, they've been passing by to peek. I'm not sure if he was ignoring them because he's got manners, or if he just doesn't know, or if he just doesn't care," Derpy said, "But if he's only interested in his own people's shape, then I want to be one of them enough to know how he feels, and show him the ins and outs of a pony." She looked at the others who seemed about to laugh at her. She bowed her head again. "Sorry."

"No," Rarity said, "It's very sweet. It's probably exactly why he cares so much for you. You seem to be the only pony who doesn't think of him as a pony on two legs. I honestly thought the rather scandalous behavior of so many 'ladies of the court' was patently obvious to everypony."

"It is obvious to everypony, and to everyling, but as Derpy surmised, not to everybody. And some seemingly innocent request might be not so innocently solicited, but completely innocently performed," the empress said, "There is one big thing you may have left out."

"What?" Derpy asked, her ears flattened with worry.

"If you're a human and he's a pony, he may try to teach you what is and isn't acceptable," the empress said, "And what feels good."

"I know he will," Derpy said, "That's why the clothes have to be easy to take off." She snorted at their stunned expressions. "He's alive, and he does like girls of his own species. And he likes to touch. And he likes to teach. If I start teaching him, he'll automatically start teaching me. I don't understand why nopony gets that."

Derpy was surprised when Rarity hugged her.

"Don't ever change, your straightforwardness is probably what he loves about you. No games." Rarity sighed angrily. "That does also limit the choices of what to wear. I could make the perfect dress, and make it work wonderfully. But to be Derpy, is a whole other way of thinking."

"You have this book. These all seem like glamor shots. The monster-mares all posing to look adorable and inviting," the empress said, "In fact, how about this?"

The collage of the pictures showed one of the monster-mares cooking, cleaning, and looking fierce in a very practical, fighting costume, unlike the bows and ribbons of their uniforms. "That's perfect!" Derpy said. She looked at the figure in shorts and a plain, white shirt that clung to her curves. "That's exactly it."

"Derpy, to, ah, fit that properly, you'll have to come in as the human, you said, to fit everything properly. It would be easiest if I could sew you into the costume, but that would make it harder to take off."

"Thank you," Derpy said, "And thank you for not laughing at me."

"Derpy, you're in love with a wonderful male. He was willing to accept you and your daughter without question," Rarity said, "I can completely understand you wanting to keep his interest, and arouse his more intimate side. He's very lucky to have you."

Derpy blushed at the compliment.

"And don't forget," the Empress added, "While he accepted you and Dinky without question, you accepted him without question. For someone lost and alone, that's quite an inducement, and a pretty tail isn't going to overcome an old fox who's gotten more than a little trap-shy where mares are concerned."

Derpy blushed at that, but laughed along with the empress and Rarity.

Dinner was interesting, not the least of which were the ponies invited who hadn't made their presence felt. She looked up and down the long table in the banquet hall at the gaps. Celestia had urged the others to go ahead, but the missing guests both looked and felt like missing teeth in a jaw line. Celestia couldn't ignore them, like continually tonguing the hole to assure yourself it was there.

Blueblood I can understand, the 'Mother of All Changelings' is a bit worrisome, but Trixie? Derpy is delivering mail for Cadence, but Dinky was told she could come. Celly and Woona being no-shows are also worrying. Here I have always complained about being worshiped, but I'm not sure I like it being taken all the way to being ignored.

She had the feeling a chambermaid had explained once, the certain knowledge that someone was having a great time, while you were sitting there bored, but too afraid to seek them out.

I don't like the feeling of being completely on the outside . . . the changelings, that's what this is about. I didn't invite them, so their guests and allies were 'uninvited' as well. She realized it was too late to correct the oversight. The counter to the 'not invite someone' is to simply quit showing up to parties as well.

The group stood around the 'purloined' hospital bed. While the Equestrians had few if any powerful healing spells, the ancients had them, as did the changelings. So while Fragrance, the Empress, Sapphire and a dozen other queens wove their magics, unicorns like Lyra, Dinky, and Trixie added their power to the general aura. Discord, Hotaru and Tom carefully wove chaos magic through the weave to strengthen the Big Guy's general health and reduce his resistance to the healing magic.

Blueblood, Celly and Woona and several queens watched and managed the 'warp and the woof' of the mixed magic. Nonspellcasters like Bonbon, Derpy and the Sphinx stood by, since the initial treatment had been with changeling nectar, their love for him would strengthen its healing powers.

No chanting or candles, those involved believed in this spell with all their hearts and souls. Power wasn't needed, precision was. The deftest casters adjusted, while power poured in from all sides.

They'd quickly realized that while Discord had done a masterful job on Trixie, restoring her to full health after what Chrysalis had done, the Big Guy was languishing. Discord's efforts had saved his life, but had not restored him. The silent casters scanned for a reason, and had found it. The Big Guy wasn't resistant as a stone was, he was resistant the way water was. He seemed to 'get out of the way' of spells. So for subtle healing it took a different approach. Lyra, Trixie, Dinky and his admirers held him, while the others worked ever so gently.

The casting had begun as soon as Celly had teleported back from Baltimare with Derpy, and would continue as long as it took. But they'd made tremendous progress, and were nearly done.

Finally, checking, double checking, then triple checking that they'd not only cured the problems, but not induced new ones, the casters sighed and slumped.

"Good job everyone," Celly said.

"You're such a pollyanna," Discord groused.

"I love you too, Grouchy," Celly replied as she stretched out her wing, mane and tail, then shook out her legs one at a time, "I thought that was fun."

"Fun, fun, zee mozt intrikat zpell caztink in ze world, und you call it 'fun'?" Woona squealed, her mane across her nose like a huge moustache.

"It was glorious!" they said together and began laughing.

The others decide to leave them to their obscure joke.

The Sphinx lifted Dinky onto the bed. While Derpy landed on the opposite side. They snuggled against him and felt him react to their presence.

"He'll wake up soon?" Dinky asked.

"He's still very tired, but he'll be fine," Discord said.

"You just keep him all warm and fuzzy, and he'll wake up right as rain," Woona told them. "Do we have to go to that party?"

"Is Cadence there?" Celly asked.

"No, she's passed out in her bedroom," the empress said, "Under heavy guard. Nopony is going to say the changelings didn't do all in their power to see this thing through."

The others nodded and headed to their quarters in the ship. Fragrance caught up with Blueblood. "I need to talk to you," she said, and glanced at Discord, "I need to talk to you too."

"Why do I feel I should be cleaning a shotgun during this discussion?" Discord asked.

Fragrance closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I was wondering the same thing," Blueblood admitted and grinned.

Day 60

Lyra left the Ponyville hospital and held the door for Bonbon. The normally stoic mare was staring straight ahead as if a Timberwolf was standing behind Lyra ready to gobble both of them. Lyra could see from the reflection in the door that nothing was lurking behind her.

"Do I look different?" Bonbon whispered, "I don't feel different. Do I look different?"

"You look like Twilight facing a wall of boxes," Lyra said.

That seemed to shock Bonbon back into reality. She bowed her head. "Sorry, it's just been, since I met you. I wanted . . . and now thanks to your crazy idea being right, I have it." Bonbon started crying. "I don't deserve you, or any of your friends."

Lyra hugged her tight. "They, he, is your friend to, and you're his. You were one of the only ones who stood up for him. Friends do things for each other. Because a friend's happiness is important."

Bonbon nodded. "Do we head to Canterlot, and lend a hoof to whatever's going on?"

"Yes," Lyra said, she ruffled Bonbon's mane, "Some ponies with common sense just might be needed."

"Agreed."

The pair headed for the Big Guy's house and the path to Canterlot.

Cadence woke suddenly, a slight panic attack as she saw the changelings, then saw the breakfast tray. "How's Shining Armor?" she asked.

"He'll be joining you for breakfast," a welcome voice entered a moment before the even more welcome presence.

"Shiny," she said as she practically threw herself at him. She didn't tackle him, but she did kiss him, long and hungrily.

"Hello to you too," he replied as he came up for air.

She smiled, blushed, then led him to the table where breakfast was laid out.

"Twilight has a list, so that's normal. Celestia and Luna are raising the sun and lowering the moon, which is normal. Blueblood led an army to the capital to save the country from dominion, which considering Discord is out and about probably counts as so rational it hurts."

Cadence snorted. "And the wedding is the day after tomorrow," she said, and grinned, "Then the honeymoon."

"So, where do you want to go?" Shining asked, "It seems that little piece of planning was also set aside by Chrysalis."

She rolled her eyes. "Figures," Cadence said, "Not the palace. With all the whisper galleries all over the place, that's one time I want privacy, and no interruptions. No servants watching constantly, and waiting for our every word to become reality."

"Agreed. I happen to know of a place where no one will come find us, and I have some pull with the captain," Shining said.

"He wouldn't!" Cadence gasped.

"He already did," Shining replied, "I think it was the novelty of having someone come out and just ask was what did it. The only question is, where do you want to go, and when do you want the lifeboat drill scheduled?"

"Lifeboats?" Cadence asked.

"Yes oh my sweet, the love of my life," Shining teased, "You may not know this, but I can't fly."

"Oh dear, then I suppose I'll have to carry you," she replied and they both laughed.

The flower arrangements were marble, colorful, but still marble.

"Discord!" Cadence squealed as she looked around the chapel. All the decorations were stone. The same shape and color, but stone.

"Oh relax, I just did this to frame the argument," the draconequus said, "You have a serious problem, and I have an answer, but as I said, I wanted to set the stage."

"Other than bunting that could break off and give some foreign noble a concussion, what problem do I have?" Cadence asked as she looked around.

"Simple." Then they stood in the middle of the Wonderbolts' practice field. "The guest started arriving last night, since the Grounds keepers were hanging bunting from the many bleachers that were usually filled during an exhibition. Assigned seating." Discord gestured as a huge number of chairs briefly materialized. "Anyone can enter the area, but the ushers know who sits where, so if someone really isn't supposed to be here, they sit with the common folk who're going to be in the bleachers, or on one of the hills overlooking the field. If they had an invitation, they get escorted to their seat." Then they were back in the restored chapel.

"That is brilliant," Cadence said, "Thank you."

"Glad to help, and as for the palace functionaries who'll bleat about 'tradition', I'll handle them too," Discord said and cracked his knuckles.

"You can't kill them." Cadence smirked.

"Yes, but I can see to it their boss, and especially the boss' spouse doesn't get a seat. They can sit with the run-of-the-mill Canterlot crowd in the cheap seats on the hills," Discord said, "What I do is temporary, what the social-climbing wives will do will last a lifetime!"

"That's positively diabolical," Cadence said, "I will leave you to it, but we'll need a canopy to keep the sun off them."

"Already handled. I'll work it out with Sparkles later," Discord said, and they looked around the chapel with the marble and stained-glass. It felt more like a museum than a living place. Even all the colors and flowers couldn't make it alive.

"You do know I originally wanted an open-air wedding." Cadence smiled at Discord.

"Don't worry, the battleship has a clear line-of-fire on most of the bureau offices," Discord said and saluted, "We'll hold this position."

"Thank you," Cadence said, and wondered if Discord had done this out of his new friendships, or to sow chaos.

Why not both? Cadence wondered as she went to give the princesses and Twilight the news.

The smell of chilli touched his nose, sending it twitching. He felt and scented the Sphinx curled against him. "Good morning, or is it afternoon?" he asked, "This isn't the palace hospital." He couldn't see the walls or ceiling in the dim glow of a light the Sphinx lit. There were no echos, as there would be if the walls were flat. A huge room with 'complicated walls'.

"It isn't," the Sphinx said, and she hugged him, "It's late morning. Lunch will be ready soon."

He ran a hand over himself. "I don't think I missed that wrought iron fence. In fact when it was coming at me, the last thing that went through my mind -"

"Don't you dare," the Sphinx said, repositioning him so he lay with his head on her barrel.

"I was going to say 'this is it'." He looked at her so innocently.

She frowned. "Oh, of course, whatever could I have been thinking?" she said, "I do have a question for you to think about. Trixie is losing her partner, Blueblood. Would, would you mind if I went with her? I've always been used to the wilderness. All these cities are a little wearing."

"She travels from city to city," he said.

"Yes, but she also gets into the wilderness, and I don't like the idea of her being alone," she said, "And I figure that a traveling performer is a good place to hide. And I want to learn about this world I've found myself in."

"I'll miss you."

"I think you're going to find that Trixie will visit fairly often. And I'll come with her," the Sphinx said, "You've got a plan for what's going to happen around you, and while I want to help. I also think I need to look around my new homeland."

"Okay," he said, "I'm not going to chain you up in any case. If I demand freedom for myself, I have to give it to you."

She hugged him. "Thank you. Trixie didn't even want to discuss it, until I had cleared it with you."

"I suspect that after lunch, I should put in an appearance. Somebody said something about a wedding, what's the story on that?" he asked.

"Cadence, Celestia's niece, and Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle's brother, day after tomorrow. It's got everybody hopping."

"Oh dear," he replied, "I didn't get them a wedding gift."

"I think the changeling army and Blueblood offering to shelter them aboard this ship for their honeymoon is both of you giving them what they really want," the Sphinx said.

"What, no diamond encrusted can opener?" he replied.

"Rubies and sapphires the color of their eyes, and Discord's already planning on giving them that," the Sphinx said.

"How's he doing?" he asked.

"Behaving himself, while bedeviling everypony, note, he's leaving the other races alone," the Sphinx said.

The Big Guy nodded.

Rarity was careful not to stab Blueblood as she worked. Blueblood was no longer an exile, and the place of being one of the groomsmen. He'd refused, politely, as his captain had done all the work, she'd be given a uniform, when she woke up. Rarity felt a fitting was needed. So she was in Blueblood's cabin aboard the ship. She already had ideas for the uniforms for the ship's company. "You seem, calmer than the other times I've met you," she said.

"Oh, sorry." He curled up in a ball. "Please don't hurt me! I apologize, I'll never do it again! I promise I'll never go to another Grand Galloping Gala again!" He uncurled from the floor and looked at a horrified rarity. "Better?"

"Let's go back to calm," she said, "I do want to know, why you did it."

"What, walked into the view of all the social climbers and let one latch onto me?" Blueblood said, "Then treated her like dirt? Part of the role I'm afraid. Her Lunar Highness had a particularly bad week, you would have loved the tongue-lashing I got for how I treated you. Then she was calm enough to be rational."

"No, why the whole act?" Rarity asked as she worked, being especially careful not to stick him by a real accident.

"Goes with the role, and the name, and the position in court. Prince Blueblood is always the closest thing to being the court jester that Celestia has. I'm just smart enough to remember that the jester's other job is to remind the sovereign of things they'd rather ignore or are unaware of."

"Seems, empty," Rarity said.

"It is, and before you get any ideas, don't," he said, and took her hoof with one of his, "Let me remind you. This isn't a city, this is a zoo. Be the talk of Canterlot, but from outside. Society is about doing nothing, except being seen. Even then, they don't see below the surface. Do you know what my first name is Rarity Belle?"

"That's not fair," Rarity said and pulled her hoof from his.

"Really?" Blueblood teased, "I haven't heard it in so long, I can barely remember it. That's my point, you come here, you give up a big part of what makes you yourself. A true artist shouldn't have to do that. Ponyville may be dirt under most nobles' hooves, but being there lets you be free."

"We have had this conversation before," Rarity said.

"Yes, and you are in danger of forgetting it. I thought I should steer you away from the rocks and shoals, as it were. Isn't that what friends do?"

Rarity paused then nodded. "Yes, that is what friends do."

"COMMANDER!" a changeling shouted as she entered the room.

"Ouch, it's all right," he told Rarity, "What's the hubbub?"

"He's awake and going to pay a visit to the princesses, and Twilight has been informed as well," the panicky changeling said.

"Oh, dear," Rarity said, one eyebrow arched elegantly.

"Charge all weapons, set them for stun, turn out the guard and have my air chariot made ready," Blueblood ordered, then turned to Rarity, "This I have to see."

"Agreed," Rarity said, and both of them giggled as the trotted to the ship's hanger bay.

The ponies had been assembling the moment he'd approached the royal sector, and they'd been getting thicker as he'd approached. "What is this, the Super Bowl?" he asked the Sphinx.

Or I'm the toreador, he thought as he looked on the faces of the expectant ponies, Why do I think I should just run back to the ship?

When he spotted Blueblood, standing with Rarity and Applejack, he knew the jig was up and he was the main event for the afternoon's entertainment. Blue blood was apologizing to Applejack for the fritter incident at the Grand Galloping Gala. Applejack seemed surprised, and accepted the apology graciously. But all three of them looked at him expectantly.

He stared at them. Rarity giggled and made shooing motions with her hoof.

Oh terrific, I guess this is a test, he thought and sent the sphinx to stand with them, Now that I can talk, they want to see what I'll say. What did Dinky say, focus what you want through something you have faith in and the magic will follow. Dangerous, but doable. What do I have faith in, that won't kill somebody?

Twilight charged up to him, muscling her way through the crowd. The brief resentment at a displacement vanished as the offended pony realized the main event was happening.

Or was it threw, the crowd around me? he wondered, Gently, gently. She's still the hero of the empire.

"Well, now that you're back," Twilight told him, "You can clear up the problem you left, and take back your library."

He blinked at her indignant fury at this non sequitur. Did Celestial foist this off on her? The Writ said 'The Crown', she should be well out of it, he thought, I should know, I wrote it specifically so she was out of the loop, like Celestia's original plan.

"Why?" he asked, and watched Twilight's utterly stunned expression. The crowd seemed to be content to let this come to a head. Similar to them being useless when the Changelings attacked.

"It's your responsibility," she replied.

"It is the Crown's responsibility. When did it become yours?" he asked, and noted her friends wandering over. Rainbow looked combative, the others ran the gambit of reactions, welcoming to terrified. As a reverse, Fluttershy wore the former, and Applejack the latter.

"They are in your house," Twilight insisted.

"Do you remember I was banished?" he asked, "That party that went on for days? The Writ said it was the Crown's responsibility."

Applejack looked down at Twilight. "See Sugarcube, all taken care of." Twilight stared in horror at Applejack, making her friend shy back, her hooves scratching at the floor.

Rainbow got in his face. "You're taking back that mess and dealing with it," she said, she shadow boxed in the air, "Or else."

He raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Do you bully everyone?" he asked, "Or just the ones you can get away with?" he asked.

"I'm no bully, you take that back!" Rainbow said.

"Or you'll beat me up?" he asked, "You do remember, I have an army, a warship, and the Elements of Harmony don't work on me? I am outside Equestrian authority. You can make all the threats you want. If you want me to treat your threats as real, I will react to them appropriately. Exactly like I've deal with every other bully I have in my life, from Nightmare Moon to Tirek, to Twilight Sparkle."

"Now, now, Rainbow didn't mean anything," Rarity said, dragging the pegasus away. "Just high spirits. We can all be friends," she said, pointedly to Rainbow.

"Rarity, always gracious, and wiser." He nodded to her while Rainbow and Twilight fumed.

"Then why don't we get back to the library," Twilight interjected.

"Not my problem or yours," he told her.

Twilight ground her teeth. "They're your buckin' books," she shouted.

I guess I am going to have to spell this out, he thought and took a deep breath.

"Writ of Banishment, all my possessions and chattels to the crown, remember? Not my problem. Not your problem. Celestia's problem," he replied.

"Fine, then we go talk to the Princess." Twilight turned and marched away.

He shrugged. "Don't need me for that." He turned and squatted down so he was eye to eye with the ponies. "So, Rarity, are you getting all the dresses put in place? Or could you use an extra set of hands?" The Big Guy asked.

Rarity put her hoof to her chin. "Actually, I am having trouble with a material that will follow curves without being draped."

"Fashion is one of the areas I know next to nothing about. But a fine-threaded cotton will often stretch," he said, "There are other synthetics, but I'd have to get the whole thing manufactured to be able to use it."

"Thank you," Rarity said.

When she realized he wasn't following, Twilight came back and demanded, "Are you coming?"

"Not your problem, not my problem," he told her as he stood up and loomed over her. She backed up suddenly, "If you really want to take command, why don't you just solve the problem the way your ancestors did. It's a very simple, and very unicorn solution. Considering your behavior to this point would do those ancient unicorns proud, why don't you take the last step and really fit in?"

"What's that?" she asked as she scrambled backward, until Rarity 'happened' to block his way.

"Get a couple of cans of lamp oil, or alcohol, and torch the place," he replied.

That horrified all of them.

He scanned the faces of the ponies around him. "Burn it to the ground. It's a unicorn tradition, any library that isn't a unicorn's library, destroy it. 'It has been accomplish, the beginning of teaching those foul mud-grubbers they need not read, they need only do as their betters command. From the speech to the assembly by Nightsoft the Mighty on the burning of the library of Equipolis'," he told them, "Read right off the obelisk commemorating it. Star-Swirl the Bearded's mother or grandmother I believe, burned the greatest library in the history of your civilization, just to remind the earth ponies that nothing they had was beyond a unicorn's reach. You've followed her example so splendidly, hounding me to surrender my knowledge to you while I still didn't even understand your language, so you and you alone can parse it out only to the worthy, that now that it's a burden, you should finish the job by burning it to the ground, like your hero's mommy did."

With Rarity and Trixie blocking his advance, Twilight scuttled back out of range as he glared at her. It was clear that the idea of burning books horrified her more than anything else she'd encountered.

"Slow down Big Guy," Rarity said, "We can all be friends here. Besides, it would be Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's decision, not Twilight's." She threw a glare at Twilight, then grinned at the Big Guy, but with Trixie kept him from advancing on their fellow unicorn. "You seem a good deal more techy that usual, and I'm afraid all of us have had some rather rude shocks over the last few days. I apologize and ask that you remember we've all got a great deal under pressure."

Okay, message received, he thought, Everyone's out here to watch two people lose it so they can laugh about it. Frankly, I think laughter and tears would help. What to do, what to do?

"Message received, I can only say that falling a 150 feet onto a wrought iron fence hasn't improved my disposition any. Like a mink, after I've been skinned, I lose my good disposition."

Rarity gulped and nodded. The purple bubble that formed around him shocked her, and most of the ponies around them.

The Big Guy tapped the bubble. "Twilight, now you have made me angry, and I am going to make all of you suffer."

"You can't affect us from inside that shield," Twilight said, as she trotted towards the gates to the palace with the bubble in tow.

"How little you know," the Big Guy said and began singing You're Only Second Rate from Return of Jafar. Someone, Rarity, Trixie or Lyra canceled the silencing spells Twilight tried to use as her anger at the insults in the song grew. The magic made him feel odd, detached from himself as if he were the crowd, and especially the singers looking at him.

Twilight turned to angrily face him as he transitioned to Friends on the Other Side from Princess and the Frog. Her anger became concern as the surrounding ponies began approaching to sing the choral responses. That worried her more than the subject and implications of the song. As the ponies closed in and sang their part around her, she began acting as if she were the prisoner, and he her captor.

When the song ended, she shook off her worries, squared her shoulders and began taking things more seriously. When he began reciting the list of gods in Playing with Big Boys from The Prince of Egypt she began casting counterspells as if each deity's name were a spell. Although Twilight jumped in shock, nobody was more shocked than the Big Guy when Rarity and Pinkie Pie caressed Twilight's face with their tails and took up the priests' lines, relegating the Big Guy to leading the chorus of ponies. The pair changed 'big boys' to 'big girls' but still menaced Twilight, forcing her back as they sang. She looked on in terror, the magic of the song having seemingly taken them over completely. Her counterspells and even the shield surrounding the Big Guy failed and he dropped to the ground. Twilight's two friends used their powers to their full extent, awing Twilight and the others. Trixie seemed to be taking notes. Despite not even touching her, the pair clearly showed that Twilight was not the only major power on the team.

After the climax and covered by the applause of the crowd, Rarity and Pinkie Pie grinned at him, then each other and gave each other a hoof bump. They watched eagerly for the next song.

Realizing the fix was in, the Big Guy began Where There's a Whip, There's a Way from Rankin-Bass's Return of the King as the soldiers began moving the entire crowd towards the throne room. The others took up the song happily as they marched. Twilight looked at the ponies around her, then the power of the song consumed her and she was happily singing along with the other. When the song ended, the Big Guy began playing the intro to the next, as the ponies eagerly awaited it.

At the doors to the throne room proper, Twilight stopped the column and began singing Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame to the doors. The assembled ponies sang the chorus. On concluding, she collapsed outside the throne room as the column pressed the Big Guy and the other Bearers inside. Within, Celestia, Luna, Cadence stood together facing a secured nymphal Chrysalis. Discord stood off a short distance seemingly bored at the procedure. The princesses looked at the intrusion with concern, and Discord with a vain hope.

The Big Guy began whistling the opening of In the Dark of the Night from Anastasia. Twilight suddenly threw open the doors and took up Rasputin's part of the song while the ponies of the court added their voices to the chorus. Twilight menaced the Big Guy continuously as she stalked around him and sang the lines, although he seemed little concerned with 'the most mystical mare in all Equus'. Although the alicorns seemed alarmed by her assertion 'when the royals betrayed me.' She was gloriously chewing the scenery as the song came to its climax.

Once it was over, she came to her senses and looked at the sea of horrified faces, including both Celestia and Discord. The unveiled anxiety of her 'minions' one and all convinced her having fire consume her and banish her eternally from Equestria started to appear more attractive. She couldn't bring herself to look at any of her friends, or her mentor. Wrapping her tail around herself, she curled up on the floor.

The strains of a violin heralded Voltaire's When You're Evil. Even Discord looked appalled as Fluttershy lifted above the crowd and took up the song. She proceeded to swoop down and menace whichever pony would be most terrified by each line of the song. All the bearers and all four princesses/rulers received the treatment. Even Discord was unsettled by repeatedly being told 'Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.' But the rest of the court stamped the tambourine counterpoint. Her maniacal laughter in the quiet passages thoroughly chilled all the ponies watching. Utter and gleeful malevolence had never been so adorable. Celestia and Discord glanced at each other for reassurance they could both deal with Fluttershy. They only relaxed as she landed among her friends and let out a more typical chuckle.

Chrysalis sat curled up in a ball, and the alicorns looked at everything warily as they expected the next song. The Big Guy looked away from them all and began singing God Help the Outcasts from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The ponies again sang the counterpoint, and most ponies of the court felt sickened by their 'prayers' compared to The Big Guy's. When he finished, no one in the court could meet another's eye. Some were crying.

He approached Chrysalis, who glanced at him in contempt, before looking away. He began The Bearer of the Ring, the Wearer of the Ring from the Rankin-Bass version of Return of the King. Even the alicorns drew away from him as he sang, with the entire court in chorus, even the alicorns. Discord finally joined in.

The ponies were lured out of their horrified torpor by the opening strains of Phil Och's The Crucifixion they sang it in duet as Jim and Jean had. Celestia caught the tenor of the song first and looked imploringly at the Big Guy, even she couldn't break the spell the music had cast on all of them. He stopped, Shining Armor and other stallions immediately took up the deeper parts. The ponies growing realization of the real meaning of the song shook them, but could not shake them loose from the grip of the music. As the song ended, many of them simply laid down on the throne room floor and wept. Luna and Cadence were among them. Even Discord seemed shaken.

The Big Guy stepped over the prone, whimpering ponies to stand over Twilight. He looked at Celestia to include her in what he was about to tell Twilight. "Do not challenge me again. You will not like what I can do if I take your challenge seriously. This was the merest breath to send you tumbling away, just a handful of childrens' songs, you'll find yourself humming and singing them for the rest of your lives. But they revealed a piece of your souls. Some had the humility to treat it as a game and enjoy themselves, gaining an excuse to laugh or cry, whichever they needed after all they've gone through. But neither you nor your mentor would bend, so you were broken. By little more than an entertainment meant for children. Had I wanted, the cost of you loosing your challenge only to lose so badly could have been far worse than a painful eye-opening into who you really are."

As he stepped away, he found himself facing a teary-eyed Cadence and Shingling Armor. "Thank you," Cadence said, "I, I couldn't cry." She paused to sniffle. "After all that happened, I couldn't cry." She sniffled again. "Now it seems I can't stop."

"Well," he said as he knelt so they were face to face, "I've got a song for that too."

"I'll bet you do," Shining said and wiped his eyes, "Not just yet." He extended a foreleg, as did Cadence.

He nodded, and carefully gathered them both in. Both ponies broke into heart wrenching sobs. Releasing the pain over their travails during the invasion. He held them both as they cried themselves out.

The court was quiet, broken only by sporadic sniffles, and an occasional wail of despair. Finally Cadence and Armor broke their hug. "Thank you," Cadence said.

"Rarity's wedding present, it was her suggestion," he said, "Seems we all needed that. But, time for one last one to put everyone in the right frame of mind."

"Could you always do this?" Armor asked.

"No, but we'll discuss it later," he said, and began singing You'll Be In My Heart, from Disney's Tarzan. Everyone, even the Diarchs and Discord eagerly took up the song, singing as a triumphal march.

As the ponies dispersed, Rarity trotted up with Trixie. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Yes, strangely enough," he replied.

"You don't think this is Tartarus and you're dead?" she asked.

Trixie blushed and began shaking her head.

"I heard from Tom," Rarity said.

"Yes, but maybe I can fix things," he replied.

Rarity blew her mane out of her face. "You're impossible."

"You just figured that out?" Pinkie asked as she pronked past humming In the Dark of the Night, and giggling.

Tom and Discord hovered over Twilight as she skulked at the rear of the pack. "Aren't you going to go racing up there and demand to know how he accomplished that magic?" Discord asked.

For a moment, her spirit flared, then the blaze faded to embers. "No," she said quietly.

"Full marks," Tom said, "I think you'll find Prince Blueblood a good conduit for communications. And, you might want to pick out a selection of 'how to' magic books for teaching foals, as well as a selection of very in-depth scientific ones on magic theory."

"Why? He hates me," Twilight said.

"Strange, how your enemy calmed down the entire court over the wedding and the invasion, and BOXES," Discord said.

Twilight frowned at him.

"Hey, I'm your enemy too, but I'll help, cause I'm such a wonderful guy," Discord said.

"Why didn't you tell her that while standing in the Apples' orchard, they could have used the fertilizer?" Tom said.

"Are you saying I'm insincere?" Discord asked.

"No, I'm saying your sincerity is -"

"I should have eaten you when I had the chance," Discord replied.

"An eternity of tummy rumbles," Tom said as he floated after the crowd, "I think not."

"Careful, you heard what happened to Descartes," Discord warned.

"He got in front of a horse?" Tom asked. Discord face palmed.

Twilight, despite herself, began smiling. She still felt anxious, but it was controllable. She noted down the list of books that would fill Discord's suggestion, and she felt better still. She sighed and followed the court/wedding party.

I don't know what it says about me that I get shuffled off to the bachelorette party, rather than the bachelor party, the Big Guy thought as he looked around the room. He looked at the phalanx of mares around him. That's not a harem, that's a battle station, he thought, Celly, Woona, Lyra, Derpy and Trixie I can understand, but why are Applejack and Rarity anchoring the ends of the line? Not that I mind.

The gifts from many of the 'nice, old ladies' would have made a sailor blush. Twilight, of course, gave a package of books.

He watched the furiously blushing unicorns as Cadence read the titles. "I don't think Twilight bought those books," he told Lyra, who was also blushing, although Bonbon had cadged a scrap of paper and was writing.

"How do you know?" Lyra said.

"A Thousand Rubs, thank you Twilight," Cadence said as Twilight shaded to crimson.

"I don't think that's a cook book," he told her.

"Depends on what yer cookin'," Granny Smith said, and Applejack became burnt umber.

"Well thank you all, those were some interesting gifts," Cadence said, at the moment, the pinkest of five pinkish alicorns. And most mischievous. "I'd like a little speech from our guest, if he wouldn't mind," Cadence said.

With the interest firmly directed at me, while Cadence helped herself to some ice cream cam and cake, my bulwark bristled at some of the ladies of the court. Something I'm missing and will have to investigate later, he thought as he stood.

"I would like to offer my sincerest and humblest apologies. As I was standing in the abandoned ruins of the unicorn capital, looking above me at what amounted to two miles of solidified pony against pony hatred, I realized just how much I had misjudged your entire race and your sovereigns especially.

"When I first arrived, in this alien world, I met some ponies who needed, wanted and were grateful for my help. I met a mother pegasus who firmly believed that since I had proven my good will once, it could be counted on again. As time went by, I encountered other ponies who were fascinated with my alienness and welcomed me despite and because of it. Thank you Rarity, Lyra, and Fluttershy, you were and are a welcome sight to a frightened and worried man. There were even those who welcomed me despite their fear, like Applejack, and not particularly liking me, like Bonbon. Despite their concerns, they still treated me decently, and even demanded that others do the same.

"I must offer my most abject apologies, especially to their August Majesties, that I assumed that these splendid representatives of Equestria, were actually representative of Equestria."

The crowd was quickly divided into the confused, the elated, the offended and the laughing. Cadence was practically rolling on the floor. Luna was trying hard not to give in, while many of the upper crust by birth rather than effort were trying to figure out the joke.

"Spike," Shining Armor said as the little dragon led him ahead. The bag on his head prevented him from seeing where he was or where he was going.

"Almost there. I didn't have a real good idea what went into a bachelor party, so I kind of improvised," Spike admitted.

"Wait, you planned my bachelor party?" Armor said, "I may get out of this alive."

"I certainly hope so," another voice said, and Blueblood removed the bag from Shining's head.

Armor stared at the striped uniform Blueblood wore, then saw the huge number of his old friends assembled on a hoofball pitch. Then Armor looked around. "This is Canterlot Stadium!"

"Where else would we all be?" Pone, the most famous kicker in all of Hoofball asked as the crowd of friends parted, revealing every one of Armor's hoofball heroes.

"I hope I got everybody," Spike apologized, "I only found out about this the day before yesterday."

Armor stared at Spike in stunned amazement. "How?" Armor gasped.

"Because dragons always collect what is valuable, and the most valuable thing to ponies is connections to others," Blueblood said, "So he was driven to connect, and did a very good job. If Chrysalis had brought in another changeling disguised as Spike, she would have had the city by the throat. But everypony ignores him. To their detriment."

Spike grinned at the unexpected praise.

"He had a little help," Discord said as he appeared.

Armor lowered his horn.

"Now wait," Discord said as he held up his hands, leaving them attached to their wrists for the moment, "I'm here to give you a gift, one you want, but would never ask for. Those are the best anyway."

After what he did to Twilie, Armor thought as he glared at the draconequus, What could he possibly offer? What would I trust enough to accept?

Discord transformed into a hoofball and dropped right in front of Shining Armor.

An atavistic sense warning of danger had everypony between the guest of honor and the goal diving out of the way. Shining fired a shot from the penalty spot straight into the opposite goal. "I'm gonna like this game!" he said as he chased down the ball.

"Okay let's form up teams and have fun," Blueblood said and blew his whistle.

"You're playing?" Big Mac asked.

"Officiating," Blueblood said, and gestured a hoof, "And I have help." A dozen, identical, striped-jerseyed Bluebloods charged onto the field.

"That's weird," Big Mac said.

"Compared to my life, not so much," Blueblood replied.

Day 61

The crowd that meandered back to the living quarters was a good deal more disorganized than was perhaps their wont. The amount of cider that had been consumed could have sozzled an elephant.

The Big Guy watched the happy cluster of ponies surrounding him, Derpy rested her head on one hip, and Celly rested her head on the opposite shoulder, the combination and the force they applied was nearly enough to topple him over, and the positively obscene giggles that bubbled up among the others told him that a lot more was going on that met the eye, or matched the experience he'd had on his uncle's farm before the war. Bonbon slipped in under Celly and parked her head on his hip, partially balancing the force from the others.

Shining Armor and a group of laughing ponies shambled towards them. "What hit you?" the Big Guy asked, "You look like someone tried to beat you to death, and succeeded."

Armor and the others kept laughing.

"Only the most EPIC hoofball game in the history of Equestria," Armor announced as he wobbled in place.

"In the universe," Tom added as he floated above them. Somehow the featureless, gray softball managed to look smug.

The groups intermixed and the pairs broke off. Tom followed along with the group surrounding the Big Guy as Blueblood joined them.

They dropped the Element Bearers off at their apartments before they returned to the ship. The odd behavior of the mares bothered him. Bonbon rescued me from the rapists, but I didn't see anything that would make even Cadence hostile to some of the nobles. And she's supposed to be all about love and tolerance and making connections.

Their bedroom was similar to the room in his house, a floor with mattresses on it. The huge difference came when he laid down, Derpy immediately put her forelegs around his waist, draped a wing and a leg over him, and thrust her tail between his legs. While it was endearing, it was also slightly creepy. Then Bonbon of all ponies hooked her forelegs on his shoulders and pressed herself tight against his back. As the others pressed in like a suit of form-fitting armor, he began to get worried.

"Did I miss something?" he asked.

"Yes, but in the morning," Bonbon tried to tell him forcefully, but there was a quaver in her voice.

He lay there and decided to try to concentrate on them protecting him. There's little anyone but the Princesses could do overtly. This ship is foreign territory, so that gives Royal commands a no-go. I think Discord and Tom might have a say in whatever happens, and the Elements haven't just zorched him, and they'd have to get Woona, Celly and Tom with the same shot. I hate waiting for the attack in the morning. Makes me want to slip out at night with a knife in my teeth and give the enemy something to be terrified about.

Luna was not expecting to find Selene, and Dinky, and the Crusaders all in her room. The floor was covered with books, scattered pieces of paper, and several, nearly exhausted fillies.

"What manner of invasion is this?" Luna asked.

Selene tried to jump to her feet, but staggered and sank almost immediately. Despite their sudden jolt to wakefulness, all the fillies were too exhausted for it to stick.

"Looking up the best way to teach magic," Selene said.

"Yeah, I mean yer Highness," Dinky said, "The Big Guy can do magic now, but he's not very good."

Luna suddenly realized that the raw power of the songs he'd 'inflicted' on the court had magic behind them. Magic I didn't detect, she realized, Because it wasn't strong enough to pick out of the background, or was so subtly woven that I couldn't, or because I deluded myself into thinking it wasn't there?

"Well, I think you've done enough for now, get some sleep," Luna told them.

"But we -" Dinky began.

"Dinky," Selene said, "We've got a Royal Order, zip it."

That's not what I meant, Luna thought as she watched the fillies trudge to Selene's room.

Dinky rounded on Selene the moment the door was closed. "We could have told her."

"And done what?" Selene asked, "The wedding's tomorrow. We can wait for the day after that."

"I guess," Dinky said and yawned, "Why are we the ones who have to do this?"

"Because we're here," Sweetie Belle said, "Nobody else."

Dinky shook her head and climbed into the bed with the other fillies. She yawned once, which set off a chorus of yawns, and then fell asleep.

"You look like a pile of puppies," she heard and opened her eyes. Dinky shied from the brightness filling the room and looked around. The others were reacting to the light streaming in the windows.

"What time is it?" Sweetie Belle squeaked in panic.

"You have 87 minutes to get washed, dressed, bathroom stop, breakfast and get out to the rehearsal," the Big Guy said. He grinned. The fillies shied. "And I'm the guy to do it. Discord volunteered and ran out sobbing 'they're too cute I just can't do it!' But me, I'm so evil, I'm immune to cute."

Five sets of the most adorable, sad faces were aimed at him.

"I thought you wanted to be in the wedding," he replied.

"That's dirty pool," Scootaloo complained.

"That's my job," he replied.

Dinky walked beside the Big Guy as he toured the castle. With all the important people at the rehearsal, he was free to wander. Mom was with them, and seemed to be glad that the place was practically empty. All the nobles being out watching the rehearsal. None of them were invited either, so they'd have tomorrow as well.

"Impressive," he commented on the architecture, "But it seems to be imposing for the sake of being imposing. I wonder if the nobles did that, or that was the only designs they got."

"I don't know," Derpy admitted.

"I can always ask Prince Blueblood or Spike," the Big Guy said. He glanced down at Derpy. "Can you explain why you and the others were reacting that way?"

Derpy glanced at Dinky. "Tomorrow night," she said.

He frowned, but Derpy wasn't going to discuss it. "Can you tell me if I should be on guard?"

"Just stay with one of your mares," Derpy said as she kept glancing at Dinky, "It's complicated."

She looked back at her mom. "Is this about what they've been saying about him and you?"

Derpy gasped. "How do you know about that?"

"Because it can't be that much different than what Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon said," Dinky said, "No, I didn't beat her up for it." She looked up at him. "If it is, then mom, or Bonbon, or Applejack are your best choices."

"Thank you," he said, and looked worried, "Oh boy. I wonder what Blueblood wants."

The assembly of people was not what Woona had expected. The Inner Circle she could understand, Selene was confusing, the changelings were a believable addition, but the upper officers of Blueblood's regiment confused her as much as the unicorn Glory and the griffon Svetlana. Whatever we do, they'll still have their jobs, she thought, then looked at the very old ponies who'd donned their uniforms for this occasion, What are they here for?

"Gentles all," Blueblood said, "Since there has been a marked increase in old villains showing up at various places this year, I propose we force the issue." He carefully unfolded a map that was printed on metal plates 'hinged' with bits of cloth. The old soldiers looked nervously at those not in the regiment, but withheld their protest. "I know, it's our ancient lore, but it's going to be modern lore soon enough." Blueblood looked around. "The Crystal Empire, Sombra's realm. Since Luna tapdanced him to death several weeks ago, pardon Trixie."

"You left room for me to call my own fate something far more poetic," Trixie said.

"Thank you. I suggest, we break the spell over this land. It is mostly of Earth ponies, and was enslaved by Sombra. The records are very sparse, but it seems he was a popular figure once. Why the Diarchs were forced to intervene when he became a mad tyrant I don't know."

"Well first, he was a unicorn, not an Earth Pony," the Big Guy said, "With a scimitar-shaped horn without the spiral grooves most unicorns have. I think we'll have more than enough power to break his spell. But, there's something you have to see, that may shed a lot of light on Sombra's rise in magic and fall in madness. And it's right about there." He pointed to a spot on the map.

The group stumbled out of the front door of the Big Guy's house. He and Dinky had provided the translation for the movie they'd watched, but the events had depressed them all.

"I must thank you," Svetlana said, "I always wondered how my nightmares could become more vivid and terrifying. And is started with such a cheerful song."

"So that Rainbow, was their Elements?" Dinky asked.

"Yes," the Big Guy said.

"But we have Discord and Tom!" Dinky insisted.

"I think even we'd be hard pressed to deal with that. Assuming it was strong enough to shrug off the Elements," Discord said, deep in thought.

"As I see it," Blueblood said, and shivered, "We'll have to hit it with everything we've got."

"Except we'll also have to ask all of you to keep this to yourselves," Fragrance said, "I know Blueblood wanted to disseminate this information, but my investigation into the dragons and the invasion shows that Chrysalis was given a huge amount of inside information before she set herself into the attack. Which means that the Equestrian or an allied government is infiltrated by the same ones who gave Chrysalis the activation control of those dragons."

"How long had they been here?" Glory asked.

"The dragons? They were planted as seeds originally," Fragrance said, "You guess how long a tree would take to get that big. You can guess how long the spies were there."

"So what do we do?" Discord asked, "If the Elements aren't enough, what?"

"Everything," the Big Guy said, "That's what it took in the movie, that's what it'll take this time."

"You act like what was in that movie has anything to do with the real world," Celly said, "I never heard of such a thing on our Equestria."

"Well, Sombra went nuts on yours, so he probably knew about it, and with Nightmare Moon's assistance, he won. That's my guess," the Big Guy said, "And Derpy, Dinky and I saw that thing. It was immobilized, but it was awake."

"How do we get 'everything' without tipping our hand?" Svetlana asked.

"That'll take some doing," the Big Guy said, "But I have a plan."

"When do you not?" Trixie asked, "Wait, I see, hours of us, even Discord, thinking you're insane. And you patiently explaining the hows and why, so when your plan falls apart, we can carry onto the objective."

"Trixie says sooth," Derpy said, "Isn't that what soothsayers do?"

Day 62

The day had dawned bright and clear. The sun was shining particularly brightly, the birds singing particularly sweetly, and Hotaru felt the glurge rising with every passing second. She didn't have an invitation for The Occasion as the Canterlot elites were now calling it, renaming it so there could automatically be an 'in-group' who knew the name, and the peons who didn't. Her lack of attendance was the only thing that was allowing her to maintain her will to live.

"I've got nothing against Cadence, or Shining Armor," Hotaru explained as she, the wolf, the Big Guy and Dinky trotted through the statue garden, "They're nonentities as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, I'm glad momma got to go, and sit up near the front," Dinky said, "But am I glad I didn't have'ta."

"Discord's putting the whole thing on DVD, so it should be something to watch. But I'd rather have some rest," the Big Guy said and stopped where Hotaru indicated. It was a shady spot, but gave a good view in all directions. It was also well away from any of the statues, but close enough to one that they'd be able to watch it. While Dinky laid down the picnic blanket, the Big Guy set out the food and equipment from the baskets he'd carried out here.

At least I'll be able to watch, Hotaru said, If a wedding to an alicorn doesn't break her out of stone, nothing will.

"Concentrate your power through your, eh, horn," Dinky said and stared at the large bone the Big Guy held, "Animals can't talk in your world, right?"

"I've never had one speak to me in words," the Big Guy said of the steak bone he was using as a horn, "I can use something else."

"No, I don't know what wood would do to a spell," Dinky said and tried to ignore the piece.

"Lucky we aren't practicing tree prognostications, then it would be what wood would do to a would wood spell," the Big Guy said.

Dinky rolled her eyes. "Or your jokes, they're wooden enough," she replied, "Focus, just on the flow, nothing else."

The chunk of bone began glowing softly.

"It's not fair, it took me weeks to learn how to do that," Dinky said.

The glow vanished.

"And that too," she added.

"I have a better teacher," he said as he set down the bone and began tickling Dinky, causing the little unicorn to squeal with delight. In the background, the triumphal entry sounded. The Big Guy seemed more taken with the happy cacophony from his teacher. When he thought she'd had enough, he lifted her up and hugged her, and she hugged him back.

Hotaru was about to comment on the saccharine display, when the wolf snuggled against her and gave her puppy-dog eyes. "I'm surrounded by nincompoops," the former Nightmare Moon said.

The Big Guy set down Dinky and picked up the bone again. "So that's lighting a horn. What about projecting that light?"

"Ah," Dinky said as she leafed through the notes with her, Sweetie Belle's and Selene's writing. "Here, it's, ah, hmm." She shrugged and looked over the top of the paper. "It's just pushing the glow out, to rest in the ground. Or is that on the ground. Sweetie Belle's penhornship is awful." She frowned as he did exactly that. "You already know this stuff."

"No, you, Selene and the Crusaders distilled it down very well," he said while waggling his faux-horn.

Hotaru and Dinky were about to ask what he was doing, when the wolf took off to chase the patch of light. He had both of them giggling as the wolf tore around the garden trying to catch the glowing area. After a few minutes, he extinguished the spell and lay back to rest, while the wolf searched for his vanished quarry. Dinky snuggled up across his neck, not so incidently protecting his throat.

Hotaru barked at the wolf to come back. He did so, wearing a doggy grin and lay down against her. He rolled on his back, his tongue lolling out and gave a happy yip. Hotaru stifled the urge to chew him into bits.

"Teenagers are like that when they meet a pretty girl," the Big Guy volunteered to be number two on her list.

Hotaru ignored them and listened to the celebratory music. A throwback to ancient beliefs about propitiating unseen beings. With Discord in the stands, there's hardly anything in Equestria that would interfere, she thought and watched a changeling patrol fly over. They'd be unseen at the wedding site proper, but over 10,000 stood ready and in battle array to answer any interruption of the ceremony. A few flew directly over in camouflage patterns to unobtrusively, but completely enclose the festivities in a security blanket. The real danger will be here, and I've got that covered, Hotaru thought as the music and the crowd fell silent. She knew from spying on the rehearsal, it would be at least 90 minutes of speeches.

"Okay," Dinky said and stood up, "Telekinesis, moving things with your horn." From the basket, she set out a couple of feathers, a rock, some leaves, several wood chips and a bit coin. "Some ponies have an affinity for some materials over others." She looked up. "I'll try and get the words right, thinking hands instead of hooves takes a bit of work."

"Do your best," he said and scratched her behind the ears.

The little unicorn leaned into the scratching then settled back and scowled at the papers as she went through them. "Okay, some ponies lift things by slipping a hand under it, and some by enclosing it in a hand and lifting it." She looked up. "Try it."

"Strangest use I ever put a T-bone to," he said as he concentrated, causing the bone to glow. He held it over each item, all to no effect. "That's under, let's do enclose." The feather just crumbled. He switched and the bit lifted off the ground.

He set it down as Dinky squealed delightedly. He pulled her to him as he laid back, exhausted at the effort. Dinky was talking a mile a minute as he lay back.

Even Hotaru smiled at that.

The silence warned Hotaru that the vows were being exchanged. She tuned out the ongoing lessons, and concentrated on the statue.

The explosion of stone chips and the cry of animal relief at freedom and animal rage at a wedding, was immediately answered with two huge, green fireballs and two sets of very sharp teeth. The triumphal march had covered the noise, and the last thing the just-freed unicorn mare saw was a section of capped steel pipe at close range and a positively feral expression a short distance away.

As the guards raced in, the Big Guy waved them forward. He set the special club aside as the guard bound the wounded mare and carried her away. Then the Big Guy turned to face Hotaru.

"You knew this would happen," he accused.

"I suspected," she answered.

"And you didn't tell anyone?" Dinky added to the accusation.

"I led you two out here, with your pistol, and us," she told them as she yawned, "More than enough to deal with the would-be wedding wrecker."

"You know her?" the Big Guy asked.

"Sort of, haven't you ever wondered why her Princessship hates Blueblood's family so much, and they have such a reputation for inbred stupidity?" she asked.

"Wha?!" the High Guy said and pointed at the unicorn's pedestal, "Her son, and Celestia? Please tell me this is going the route of the Hapsburg dynasty, not all the way to Oedipus Rex."

"Officially, the children were her Highhness'. No, even ponies aren't that stupid. But, he and his mother were . . . very close," Hotaru said and glanced at Dinky.

The Big Guy covered his face. "I can see why she'd be encased in stone here," the Big Guy said, "Do you know any of the others around here?"

"All of them," Hotaru said, "Nothing like what you went through, but it would still make interesting reading."

"And Luna never figured out all the crap Celestia was being put through?" the Big Guy asked.

"No one ever really noticed," Hotaru said.

"Oh, brother," the Big Guy said and sank back down on the grass.

"Who's Oedipus Rex?" Dinky asked.

Hotaru chuckled at the Big Guy's expression.

Celestia was watching, Twilight having fun on the dance floor. What she was doing could hardly be called dancing, but she and everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves. She noted that Discord hadn't attended the party, and that Blueblood had departed after making quite a heartfelt tribute speech to and about the wedded couple. She herself wanted, ached to go down to the dance floor and show them how it was done. Considering that Celly and Woona did just that, I guess I'm jealous. If I took Blueblood's words to heart, could I be down there having fun, rather than sitting up here, alone, and radiating my approval on everything?

The arrival of Sir Eagle Bell broke her out of her funk. Are we friends? she wondered, You've served the state since you graduated. You have always fought for the stability of the realm. But are we friends? Are we even cordial enemies? Or am I just a warm, white object, an oracular, mobile rock that must be appeased and consulted? she put those thoughts away before he arrived, so all he saw was her serenity.

"It seems Nightmare Moondog prognosticated that current events and alignments made excellent grounds for Princess Silver Blood's return," the old bureaucrat said, and blanched at his sovereign's horror, "Indeed. She had the foresight to place herself, her wolf-friend, one Dinky Hooves of Ponyville, and the Big Guy at a location overlooking her likely, and fortunately all to ineffectual advent."

"Oh dear," Celestia said in horror, "No other ponies in the area?"

"Unfortunately, no, your Highness. The Big Guy had equipped himself with a section of steel pipe, capped at both ends and containing a measure of lead shot. He apparently assumed that a pony in the statue garden would require such ministrations, since they were swiftly and skillfully employed. One, rather savage stroke, before summoning the guards."

"Oh dear, no ponies around to advise him to indulge himself?" Celestia asked, "That is a lamentable oversight."

"Indeed, although I suspect with young Dinky there, he still would have restrained himself."

Celestia nodded.

"However, he did provide Discord a large amount of music, and that worthy has been serenading the Princess in her cell. Warrant Officer Milestone arranged for additional, appropriate sheet music."

"There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon the chute. Intestines were a dangling -" Discord sang in four-part harmony to the mare in the cell who was trying to shove both forelegs in her ears.

" 'Warrant Officer'?" Celestia asked the old bureaucrat as the pair kept their voices down to avoid disturbing the other guests at the wedding reception.

"When he took up the mission without prompting and with a positive dearth of resources succeeded, I thought it reasonable. At the moment, only a brevet, but . . ."

The proffered paper was studied then signed. The old bureaucrat put it away.

"Blueblood approved the brevet?" Celestia asked.

"He was most accommodating, once he found out who was the recipient. As I understand, he and the Big Guy are searching the city for, bagpipers and steel drummers. I suspect they are preparing a choral recital using the other inmates."

"Other inmates?" Celestia asked worriedly.

"Ponies who are celebrating the wedding as enthusiastically as Miss Sparkle, but have imbibed a bit much while doing so."

The thought of bag pipes, steel drums, and a choir of drunk and disorderly ponies, or others, brought a smile to Celestia's face. "I hope someone told them to definitely indulge themselves."

"Indeed," Sir Eagle Bell said, "I actually may nip down there with a few suggestions of my own from my army days. Some of the marching cadences performed away from prying eyes seem perfect for the occasion. Especially considering her legendarily 'delicate' temperment."

"Have fuun," Celestia waved to the departing bureaucrat. "I wonder if they would take requests."

He had a room in the palace tonight. Shining Armor and Cadence had a room in the ship and Fragrance and the Changelings announced they were going to see that they had no interruptions. Then Sapphire and the Changeling Queens had kicked Fragrance off the ship. Other than Cadence and Shining, there was nothing but Changelings aboard, and flying very heavy combat air patrols. Nothing was getting near them. Period.

So the entire group had rooms in the palace. The Big Guy couldn't shake the feeling that his every move was being observed. " 'As men busied themselves among their various concerns, they were scrutinized and studied. Intellects vast, and cool, and unsympathetic, regarded our human with envious eyes,'" he said as he walked, pausing to glance around. His instincts on such things had kept him alive on a dozen battle fields. Now they were prickling at him again, like a cold breath across the back of the neck that raised the hairs.

As he entered his room, he realized why he hadn't felt the sense of danger that generally accompanied the feeling. He raised a hoof, then looked at an outstretched wing, and glanced up at the horn jutting out of his forehead. "Discord, not funny," he said and looked over his alicorn form.

"Uhm," Derpy said as she stepped out of the shadows, "I asked him to."

He stared at her as she stood somewhat self-conscious of her human form, and the T-shirt and short shorts that seemed to be practically painted on.

Derpy had to hold on to her courage with both hooves. She smiled carefully as he looked her over, clearly stunned. She almost laughed as his expression and gaze remained correct and gentlemanly, while his ears gave away the game, like a teenage stallion who'd spotted a pretty mare. If they pointed any harder in her direction, they'd tear right off his head. She felt her tail swaying as she walked, and hoped she could control herself. Her small wings were extending, but she couldn't help that. And she suspected he knew what that meant.

Buoyed by that, she approached. "You asked about why I and the other mares, your friends, were getting so angry. And considering us going forward, we need to get some things straight, especially with Lyra and Bonbon."

"Derpy, I -"

She closed her hand on his muzzle. She stroked his nose, enjoying the feel of soft fur on her skin. She was beginning to understand his attitude to ponies, and being touched by them. It felt better than ponies nuzzling each other and she realized that the soft touch was in some ways better than the hard rub a pony might give another. "Shh," she told him, "For once, you don't know where this is going. I do, just trust me."

His ears which had been flicking uncertainly, now focused back on her.

I will have to tell him how much he's giving away, but later, she thought.

"What was making us so mad, was all the little comments by the noblemares, and the body language," she said, and turned her back on him. Then she pulled her shorts down to her thighs, and bent at the waist to touch her toes. She flicked her tail side to side, then straightened up. "It's called presenting, and it pretty much means what it says." She turned back and saw him blushing and looking away. "Doing it to a stallion without any marefriends is an invitation. Doing it to a stallion with, is saying either they can't hold his interest, or saying she knows he's unfaithful."

"Aren't they the same?" he asked softly.

"No, one is aimed at the mare or mares, the other is aimed at the stallion, and both insult the bond between them," Derpy said and approached, and stroked his ears softly, intentionally going against the natural lay of the fur. He snorted softly and stepped back, flicking his ears slightly. "You promised Bonbon, and Lyra, and you fulfilled your promise. But some of your words and gestures have a different meaning." She rubbed her cheek against his, very gently. "That was for parent and child, or lovers." She pressed a good deal harder. "That's between friends. When you stroke somepony gently, it means a lot more than you think it means."

"I didn't know," he admitted.

"Let's not even start about what scratching behind the ears means," she said and giggled at his horrified expression. "Not that, ponies don't have fingers, so everyone is guessing. Some of those guesses I will not repeat in front of Dinky until she's had her first foal. But it feels wonderful, so don't stop. Just understand that some ponies around here think it's ah, having sex in public."

"I didn't mean that!" he stammered.

"Also, when you rub or touch Bonbon, press a lot harder. And a lot softer on Lyra. Unless you mean what you were saying," she said.

"I think I'll take your advice with Lyra, and keep doing what I am with Bonbon. It does explain why she was so hostile," he said.

Derpy nodded. "So, wings, they are very sensitive. You have to feel every air current, and you running your fingers through my feathers drives me completely crazy. I like it, but I have to keep from jumping you. Let me show you."

Celly wasn't sure if she'd hit somepony in the face when her wings 'poofed'. The collection of ponies in the 'whisper gallery' where servants watched over the nobles in these suites to ensure they knew what the noble needed immediately, all were showing the strain.

"Fingers can do that to feathers?" Rainbow whined, her own wings painfully extended making any flight a distant dream, unless someone fired her from a catapult and she fluttered down. She glanced over at Twilight, who stood immobile, the quill and parchment in her magic forgotten as she stared open-mouthed at the pair below.

"So much for eggheads," Rainbow said.

Derpy's very innocent, but voluminous questions to Fluttershy and Rarity had led the pair of them to one conclusion. And their friends had come along, attracting Celly's attention due to the recent turbulent history between them and the Big Guy. She wanted Derpy to do this, without distractions.

"It's beautiful," Rarity said as she watched, sounding almost like Sweetie Belle, "So playful, yet so mature."

"That's more ta the playful end," Applejack said. Watching Derpy squeal and squirm as the Big Guy put his equine muzzle on her stomach and blew. The odd sound was drowned out by Derpy's happy squeals and pleas for mercy.

"I guess bare skin would be more sensitive," Fluttershy said, entranced as Rarity was. But she was watching two dear friends become better friends, so her wings hadn't poofed.

"Horns do that?" Applejack asked.

Rarity blushed slightly. "Yes Applejack, they do."

"Didn't mean anything by it," she said.

"He makes a nice stallion," Fluttershy said, "But he's a nice person inside."

"You've had a crush on him since the first day," Rainbow accused, and looked at her wings. She rolled her eyes and moved a little ways down the gallery so she wouldn't bump her wings into someone.

"I thought he was cute!" Fluttershy insisted, then hid behind her wing. "Sorry."

"Quite understandable," Rarity consoled, "I must admit, I'd never considered the skin sensitivity/clothes issue before."

"He told Diamond Tiara and the whole class," Applejack said.

"Sweetie Belle only mentioned the Diamond Dog incident," Rarity replied, "Although Applebloom let slip you wrasslin' with him."

Now Applejack blushed.

Rarity giggled. "Oh don't make too much of it," Rarity said and giggled, "It was very coquettish of you, but I understand. When he walked into my shop, I got the most electric thrill. Perfectly reasonable to assume it was romantic."

Applejack blushed harder. Rarity returned her gaze to the pair in the room.

"It is nice Derpy found a good stallion for herself and Dinky," Fluttershy said, "Oh good, they padded the table."

"How is that supposed to work?" Rainbow asked turning her head this way and that.

Applejack raised an ear. "Seems Derpy thinks it works jist fine." She grinned at Rainbow. "Least ways we know she's a quiet one, not like some other pegasi."

Fluttershy eeped and hid under her wing.

That had Rarity's mouth hanging open. "Fluttershy? You?"

Fluttershy looked around and tried to grin. "Um, where's Pinkie Pie."

"She said she'd seen it and went to bed," Applejack said, "Fluttershy?"

The lemon pegasus became the orange pegasus. "Uhm, yes."

"Who?" Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow all demanded.

"Uhm, I sometimes fly down to Appleloosa," Fluttershy admitted.

"Braeburn?" Applejack asked.

Fluttershy shook her head.

"The sheriff?" Rainbow asked.

"Bloomberg?" Rarity asked.

"Chief Thunderhooves?"

The knock on her door drew Celestia's attention from the mound of paperwork on her desk. The information that the Big Guy could talk, and that his library was the responsibility of 'the crown' had made the international and local scene vastly more complicated.

"Enter," she said, dreading whatever functionary needed to talk to her, instead of Luna who was holding night court.

"Your Highness," Discord said as he entered. He glanced around, acting more like a polite guest than his typical 'I own the place you're just occupying it as long as it amuses me' attitude. He glanced at the lack of decorations, the bed, and seemed to fix on the writing desk.

She felt her temper rise as it always had with him. But there was a coldness to him this time. Dangerous, she thought, He's learned that the maul can be fun, but the epee wounds just as deeply.

"Yes?" she asked when she realized he seemed to be willing to stand there all night awaiting her permission.

"Something that's been bothering me all evening," he admitted, "Why didn't you dance? You used to be an excellent dancer, and at a wedding and the reception, the bride out ranks even the princess of the realm."

She braced for more, and was shocked that Discord was content to stand politely, quietly, and wait for an answer. He is more dangerous, she thought, He's learned patience.

"I chose not to," she replied.

"Do you, or did you assume that everyone else had chosen for you?" he asked, again, without sarcasm, almost with concern.

"What is your game?" she asked.

"Survival. Maybe extending my circle of friends." Discord turned around looking at the room. "I just had a very educational few weeks. I saw things that broke Nightmare Moon. I did things that even I'd never considered, not because they were beyond me, but because I was stuck thinking the same old way. I daily fenced with two minds that were as creative as mine. One was an alien who could make Sombra look like Fluttershy one moment, and make Fluttershy look like Blueblood's mother the next. One ruled not by rules, and what is expected, but what one choses to do. There's even a whole philosophy about it. That one goes from a rules-fearing under, to a self-ruling over. One who ignores outside rules and lives only by one's internal rules. It was educational."

"And what have you learned?" Celestia asked wavering between genuinely interested and deeply disturbed.

"That if my beloved niece invites me to dance at her wedding, I should," Discord said, "And to Tartarus with the pecksniffs who would have a problem with it. One who does not live, is either afraid to, or has forgotten how. I was afraid. Which are you?"

Celestia was horrified that she didn't have an answer.

Day 64

Cadence and Shining Armor came down for an informal brunch. The invitation had included the changelings this time. The pair walked side-by-side leaning against one another, nuzzling as they walked and grinning. They spotted Derpy and Celly with the Big Guy sandwiched between them. Derpy rested her head on his hip, Celly rested hers on his shoulder. Their dreamy expressions had a little to do with the Big Guy scratching them behind the ears.

As the group glanced at each other, Cadence raised an eyebrow. Derpy blushed furiously, while Celly shaded a delicate pink at the cheeks. Both raised an eyebrow.

Cadence started giggling as Armor ambled over and watched the finger scratching, curiosity satisfied, he returned to Cadence's side and rubbed the edge of his horn behind Cadence's ear.

While Cadence was nearly melting, Celestia and Discord came down a side corridor. Discord seemed remarkably quiet and thoughtful, and Celestia's usual placid mask seemed to have an aura of imminence behind it. Cadence and Celly raised an eyebrow at her. Discord took off his and hers, and held them firmly behind his back. While Celestia glared at him, he rocked back and forth on his heels and whistled 'The Anvil Chorus'.

Rarity and Tom's arrival prevented any speculation about the previous pair, and they received a hail of raised eyebrows. Rarity sniffed disdainfully and tossed her mane. Then discretely raised an elegantly arched eyebrow, then raised the other practically into her mane, then she waggled them.

Discord sniffled. "They grow up so fast."

Blueblood and Fragrance arrived, laughing and chatting, and froze at the fusillade of raised eyebrows. Fragrance bowed her head and pawed the ground.

"Not quite that fast," Blueblood said. He was quite surprised by the kiss on the cheek from Rarity.

The arrival of Luna, Woona, Big Mac, Cherilee, the Crusaders, Selene and Dinky caused all kinds of raised eyebrows.

"NOPE!" Big Mac said firmly as the kids glanced around in confusion, and all the adults let out a sigh of relief.

Bonbon and Lyra arrived as the group began chuckling. The wave of raised eyebrows made both blush and look away, but Bonbon raised an eyebrow as she nuzzled Lyra.

Rainbow Dash arrived with Twilight, the unicorn was hovering a book in front of them and explaining to Dash how to do basic research. The wall of raised eyebrows at them forced them back.

"Naw," everyone agreed.

Rainbow turned purple. Twilight turned even purpler.

"Say, where are Fluttershy and Applejack?" Twilight asked. And everyone started looking around.

Down the hall, hidden behind a potted plant, Applejack turned to Fluttershy. "Should we go out there?"

"Absolutely not!" Fluttershy whispered back.

Fancypants with Trixie, Fleur Dis Lee, and Sapphire arrived in the area. Everyone raised an eyebrow at them. Some raised two.

He looked at the crowd. "She was giving us a private performance."

When everyone started snickering, Fleur added, "With seven curtain calls." Jaws dropped.

"Dear me, I only remember five," Fancypants admitted, "It seems I let down the side."

"No, you didn't," Sapphire and Trixie said.

"What the hay are you ponies talking about?" Rainbow shouted in frustration.

Even Twilight face hoofed at that. "Well, big question."

They all raised an eyebrow at Cadence and Shining Armor. The entire cavalcade stared at the newlyweds. Cadence took on an air of studied indifference beyond what even Blueblood could manage.

"Do you think the rain with hurt the rhubarb?" Cadence asked Shining Armor in a supercilious tone. He seemed to ponder the question deeply, then frowned and shook his head.

A finger snap, and pile of pillows appeared in front of everyone present. "Get'em," growled Discord.

The battle raged through the hallways and grand spaces of Canterlot, but seemed to avoid the art galleries and statued halls. Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor manage to hold their own despite cunning ambushes led by the princesses, mad banzai charges usually led by Twilight Sparkle, and the horrified expressions of guards and courtiers. Discord's presence answered most questions before they were asked. The pair held all comers. Until Cadence, seeing Shining Armor just perfectly vulnerable, bopped him upside the head.

Then the battle became general. Alliances were formed, and as quickly sizzled away in the heat of battle. Celestia and Discord became a particular target, not only because they were the biggest, but for some reason Discord never betrayed her, despite an occasional errant pillow that came his way, and her always very sincere denial of responsibility.

"For the New Lunar Republic!" Luna shouted as she led the combined force against the pair.

"Oh Twilight, how could you betray me so?" Celestia cried, then unleashed a fusillade.

Behind her own barrage, Twilight replied, "She offered more money. Growing dragon you see."

The approach of a phalanx of Day Guards and the Wonderbolts appeared to be the end of it for the rebels. Suddenly, they all reverted to changeling form and hurled waves of pillows raided from the maids' cupboards.

Mile Stone and a large contingent of Nightguards and evening maids approached from the other side.

"Changelings?" Luna asked.

"No Highness," Mile Stone said. Then the potato sacks tied to broomsticks went up. "For the Ochlocracy of Potatoes!" the bull warrant officer shouted, and their barrage covered both factions.

"Told you!" the Big Guy shouted over the din, and became the target of every combatant on the field. Several of the pillows were anvil shaped, and one looked like a piano.

Some of the more foolish arrived and announced their disgust at the childish behavior, only to receive the undivided attention of every 'soldier' in the field.

A few senior bureaucrats led by Sir Eagle Bell arrived on the field, took one look, and silently retreated to their offices.

Eventually the battle wound down, and the warriors headed off towards the brunch buffet, the occasional feather drifting in the breeze behind them.

"So, you heard of us, " Soarin' said between bites of the brunch as he looked over to the Big Guy, "What can you do?"

He shrugged. "I'm human, I don't know if it is the same as the creatures Lyra was so amazed by, but I am. That means I naturally breathe one of the most corrosive elements known. Our favorite beverages are also our two, most widely used industrial solvents, for adults often a combination of the two. For children, one and a small amount of acid added. When the gods found they did not approve of us anymore, they tried to drown our entire race like kittens in a sack. Many of us survived in scattered bands. Only because we chose to save them, did the ponies and horses survive. After the flood, dragon, unicorns, pegasi, and alicorns were figures of legend. Some of the gods pledged to never try that again. Those who didn't we dragged from their thrones, tore out their throats with our teeth, tore down their temples around their dying corpses, and reduced them to object lessons and toys for our children."

"I'm also an engineer. To give you an example, the most ferocious and merciless soldiers fighting in the last world war faced the engineers. Sure they pushed us back, time and time again. But we were buying time, often all they could do was look upon our delaying tactics and shed furious tears of impotent frustration as we destroyed the bridges, fuel stocks and hope they desperately needed, often while portions of their armies were amid the destruction."

"Although born Canadian, I'm an American, one of one-seventy plus countries on our world. Our leader called upon us to develop a way to send people to the moon, and return them safely. Within a decade, our first pair were there, and safely back. We did it six more times, and only had one failure. The ship suffered a catastrophic failure halfway between our home and the moon. Through the diligence of the people who'd built the craft, the knowledge of those on the ground, and the courage of those marooned between worlds, we returned them safely."

The Big Guy stared at the sea of horrified faces. "So, I'm just kind of ordinary."

"But, what about Discord, Nightmare, Tirek, Nistag, and all those others?" Soarin' asked.

He shrugged. "I'm not that different from others of those groups. A lot of them could have done it. It's just I was here, so I did."

"Well, what about extraordinary members of your race?" Spitfire asked.

"There's one that lots of people talk about how awesome he is, Chuck Norris. Problem is, there was another guy, Bruce Lee, who could kick Chuck Norris around the block daily and twice on Sunday, without breaking a sweat. But Bruce Lee died as a young adult, and Chuck Norris survived to become a tough, old man. So I guess there's proof that it is possible to be so awesome that you literally can't survive it."

"You're saying this Bruce Lee died of awesomeness poisoning!?" Rainbow Dash asked worriedly.

"Essentially, yes," he replied, "But don't worry Dash, you're not even as awesome as Chuck Norris, so you should survive."

Rainbow looked relieved, then thought about it. "Hey, wait a feather-pickin' minute!"

The laughter from the Wonderbolts and the other guests drowned out the rest.

34) There's No 'I' in Team! There's Six in Asinine Platitude Spouting Idiot.

34) There's No 'I' in Team! There's Six in Asinine Platitude Spouting Idiot.

Cultural Artifacts - There's No 'I' in Team! There's Six in Asinine Platitude Spouting Idiot.
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 64

Woona crawled on her belly across the ice floe. She waited for the Big Guy to crawl back out of the flaw in the ice trench. As he packed away the two cameras, she crawled forward into the trench so she wouldn't be silhouetted against the sky.

There it is, she thought in horror, The Equestrian Mammoth Shoggoth, or the Shmooze. Her horror was such, at the sheer malevolence radiating off the mass vast of eyes and mouths that she didn't focus on the Big Guy reeling her back by her tail until she'd broken contact.

"Thank you," she said and huddled in a ball, "I just need a moment."

"Take your time. We can't afford to be seen," he said and crawled up beside her and scratched her behind the ears. "This is between friends," he told her, "Not sex."

Woona giggled, "It's about as close as you can get in public." She laid her head down and just enjoyed the soothing of his fingers. After a while, she pulled her head away. "I may be able to sit here on the ice all day, but you could get frostbite. Let's head back. We have some important details to discuss, and the flight home should be when they are discussed."

"Okay, stay low for the first couple dozen miles," he said.

They proceeded to the precipice before he climbed on her back, and she plunged off the edge to build up speed to race low over the surface.

"That's twice," the Big Guy said, "I think you fliers generate a field that protects your passengers and yourselves from wind chill. I did it with Derpy and thought it was going to freeze us solid, but it was warmer flying than standing still."

Woona considered that, but broached the subject. "Luna and I are swapping places." She felt the hurt silence and began to explain. "It's not a knock on you, or Celly. But Luna needs you, more than she needs Celestia. And Celestia needs a friend more than she needs her kid sister."

"Elegant," he said, "Just don't let these pictures derail your plans. One shock may have Celestia clinging to the familiar like a limpet to a rock," he warned.

"I have a plan for that too," Woona said.

Twilight slid down the rock face in the caverns under Canterlot. The bumps and bruises seemed a minor reminder of the price of not paying attention to what was directly in front of her. Then she looked up at the steepness of the slope. "I'm never going to climb out of here," she said and looked around, "Well, I wanted to go deeper, it seems I got my wish." She began picking her way across the narrow gap between the slopes. The occasional twinge of the scrapes and bruises she suffered during her climb irritated her.

"I wish I remembered why I started this," Twilight said, "I'm sure it was a good idea." She nearly yelped as she squeezed through a narrow cleft in the rocks, scraping an area that had also been scraped repeatedly. "Ow, I guess I wanted to be bald there. I thought this was a good idea, at the time."

She looked around, and considered which path would take her farther down. The sound of a tickle of water drew her forward.

It was only a few drops a minute, but the tiny rivulet still gave her a path to follow.

Derpy wasn't sure why Bonbon had been trembling, but she'd hugged the distraught mare right along with Lyra. The others had wandered into their shared bedroom, and accreted around Bonbon like an oyster making pearls, until none of the sniffily mare could be seen from the outside. Derpy slowly nibbled at the back of Bonbon's neck, not hurtfully, but the old pony way of saying 'you belong to us'.

After a few moments of that, Bonbon burst into tears. "I don't deserve this!" she insisted, and began sobbing uncontrollably as she clung to Lyra.

"Nobody 'deserves' friends, and they always give more than they cost you in the long run," Derpy said, quoting bits of conversations she and Dinky had with the Big Guy, Celly and Woona, "But when you pay, you give all. That's the price. You don't deserve us, but we love you, and want you, and will happily pay that price."

Rather than lift her mood, Bonbon sobbed harder. Lyra looked over the sobbing mare's shoulder and shook her head. Derpy returned Lyra's grin, and kept snuggling against Bonbon and stroking her mane.

I have a feeling I know what else is bothering her, Derpy thought of Dinky, But we can help with that too.

Rarity felt her mane stand on end as she saw Applejack and Fluttershy returning to the suite of apartments the Ponyvillians were occupying.

Avant guarde is the wrong word, but, they are striking! she thought as both froze at her intense interest.

Applejack's mane was separated into sections, each clipped with a piece of metal, it was a severe and austere styling, but gave the mare the look of a captain of industry. Fluttershy could make anything look good, but her mane hand been redone as dozens of small braids, each tipped with a bow or flower. Her tail had been redone like macrame, flowers and bows of her hair all woven tastefully throughout. Both had their manes and tails brushed until they shone like polished metal.

"Rarity, are you all right?" Fluttershy asked.

"Am I?" Rarity asked, "What spa does such excellent work?"

"Discord's doin' 'ambush make overs'," Applejack said, and frowned, but then looked over the effect, "Maybe I shouldn't, but I kinda like it."

"I love mine," Fluttershy said and tossed her head, "Like a cloud of bows and flowers. Not for every day, but it's a very nice change."

Fluttershy looked at the dust cloud where Rarity had been standing. "You suppose she liked it?"

Celestia nodded to the noblemares who stood in clusters and gossiped. She'd noted that a number of them had striking new hairdos and makeup sets, every single one was a vast improvement over the style they had probably latched onto when they were fillies and no one had the guts to tell them that on a matron they looked ridiculous. She put that down to commonsense breaking out, or some changeling letting them look at themselves from the outside.

In the Sun Room were Celly, Woona, Selene, Luna, and Discord standing around the table, rivaling their majesty was Rarity. The mare always took pride in her appearance, but this was amazing. "Rarity," Celestia gasped, "You can't go out looking like that."

"What?" Rarity asked, shooting a shocked look at Discord, who seemed equally confused.

"So many old stallions will never survive it," she said.

"Well, it is Canterlot," Rarity said and trotted out with her head held high.

Discord accepted a hoofful of bits from Luna, and both glanced at Celestia, along with Celly and Woona. "No, I can't," Discord said, "I'm not going to risk trying and failing." Then he vanished.

Celestia filed that away.

"I heard from two of you about serious events," Celestia said.

"We'll deal with the existential," Luna said, "And move to the personal." Several large pictures floated out of Luna's saddlebags and set themselves before Celestia. "I think I now know why Sombra went mad. This is to the north of what was the Crystal Empire, I have no idea how large it actually is, but with the dry, still air, visibility was at least 20 miles."

Celestia staggered at the idea of a creature at least 40 miles wide and 20 miles long, or bigger. "Perhaps Discord, no, that's what he meant isn't it. He isn't sure he can."

"He certainly didn't mean giving you a new mane- and tail-style. He doesn't want to risk trying and it not working, and the subsequent blame," Celly said, "The simple fact is that this may be what Sombra was freezing, and the rest of the Crystal Empire was just a side-effect."

"Such a selfless act would have been beyond him at that moment," Celestia said, "We tried to redeem him."

"Not to put too fine a point on it," Celly said, "But our track record of redeeming the fallen is abysmal, yours and mine."

Celestia frowned at that.

"Which leads us to the personal," Luna said, "I'll be leaving with Selene, and Woona will be taking my place."

The entire world went black.

"She took it rather well," Celestia heard from the shadows.

Twilight carefully stepped on the tiny path cut in the rocks. This rock is more weathered than the rest, she considered, I wonder why. I'd also better watch my step, or the path will crumble under me. The crack and rock dropping right in front of her warned her of other dangers. She raised a shield, but the rockslide scoured away the path before and behind, then undermined the outcropping she stood on.

Twilight screamed as she fell, trying desperately to catch a hoofhold on the friable rock face.

"Youch!" she screamed as something caught her tail and brought her to a sudden halt. As she hung there, she twisted around to catch sight of her rescuer, and her heart sank.

"Not you," she said.

The Big Guy gave her a puzzled look. "I can let go and you can wait for the next person, but I think you're in for a long wait," he said

"No," she said, "Thank you."

He set her down on the much thicker path he walked on. Does he always have to be better than me? she wondered as he worked out his shoulder. She braced herself for some joke about her weight.

"What was up there that was worth leaving the mine car tracks?" he asked.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked.

"After Blueblood found Nistag's lab down here, I thought I'd poke around and find out if there was something else down here," he replied, and started walking down the path between the rails.

Twilight trotted after him. "These caverns have been explored."

"How thoroughly? And not by a monkey-based biped they haven't. Some of the openings are too narrow for pegasi," he said, then glanced at her scraped up condition, "Or other ponies. And ponies aren't naturally good climbers. You came down without the right kit: pitons, rope, hammer, sample box or a camera."

"I don't even know why I came down here," she admitted, "After listening to some of Cadence's stories, I had to explore for myself."

"Well, don't go too deep," he teased, "There are creatures in the dark that are worse than your greatest nightmares."

"Something out of your legends?" she asked.

"Partially, and that alone in the dark, you find out who you truly are."

Celestia swept the cool cloth off her face and confronted the world's entire supply of alicorns. "What did you say?" she shouted as she grabbed Luna in a fierce hug, "After being apart for so long! I can't lose you."

'Luna' handed Selene back to the real Luna, and Celestia released Woona, letting her breathe. Selene giggled at this.

"I'm not going to stop being your sister," the real Luna said, "I'm just going to stop being the Lunar Diarch."

"Be honest," Celly said, "As much as you wanted her back at your side. You stopped needing her a week after she was gone."

Woona approached. "Luna hates being the Lunar Diarch," she said, glanced at Luna who nodded for her to continue, "She took the throne to please you and be with you, but she's a thousand years out of date. She wants to be with you, but the price is too high."

"What?" Celestia asked as she looked at the faces around her. One who was her twin, and twinned sisters she could barely tell apart. Cadence and Selene stayed to one side.

"Luna was trapped in the moon, she fought Nightmare in an endless now with no seeming passage of time," Celly said.

"While Celly turned me into a statue and came out nearly every day to talk to me about things. Policies, gossip, little bits of literature," Woona said, "So when I escaped the stone and Nightmare's clutches, I was up to date on what was going on. Your Equestria is not that different from ours."

"So what Woona is saying," Luna said, "Is that she wants to be Diarch, and I don't. She wants to be your friend, as much as I love you my sister, I'm still your kid sister who lacks a thousand years of experience, so I'll always be behind you, deferring to you."

"Likewise," Woona said, "My sister has a sense of wanderlust, and very strange taste in companions, which your sister shares. Both the taste and the wanderlust."

"I'm not abandoning you," Luna said, "I'll still visit. And with four of us, you might get an occasional vacation."

Celestia snorted at that.

"But Woona wants to help you run the government. It's too overwhelming for me," Luna said.

"And I want my sister to be happy as well," Woona said, "She argued just as hard -"

"And just as futilely, " Celly added and grinned ear to ear at her sister, who stuck out her tongue.

"But the fact is, neither of us are abandoning our beloved sister, we just don't want to follow the life they've charted for themselves," Woona said, "Luna wants to go back to being an explorer, and I want to put all the solutions to Equestria's problems that I've been thinking over for several hundred years into practice."

"Such as?" Celestia said, feeling distinctly put upon.

"Abolishing the Lake Telermet Fishing Oversight Agency," Woona said.

"The what?" Cadence asked.

"You know it better as Sweet Apple Acres," Woona said, "The battle with Nightmare Moon created a blockage in the river that runs alongside Ponyville, creating a huge lake, and it emptied through Ghastly Gorge, not into the ocean. There was an agency set up to prevent over fishing. Well, three hundred years after the dam existed, the lake overtopped its banks and it broke a new opening, and the land drained. After another few hundred years, settlers came into this piece of dry land and set up Ponyville. But the Agency is still there."

"Good grief," Cadence said.

"Like we said," Luna spoke up, "I am not abandoning you. You need a helper who both wants the job, and would be good at it. I am neither. Celly needs someone to keep her from sticking her head in a puzzle and not surfacing for air until she solves it. Woona wants my job, and I want hers. Woona can be the friend who stands up to you, and I can be the same for Celly."

Celestia looked over the faces around her. Celly shrugged, while Woona and Luna waited for her response. Cadence and Selene had resumed playing. "Cadence, what of you? If they are going to deal with that thing, then they might free the Crystal Empire. Are you ready to take the throne?"

"No," Cadence said, "Ready or not, I will not take the throne," Cadence said.

Celestia nearly staggered. "Cadence, we've talked about this, that if the Crystal Heart doesn't embody the right environment."

"I have heard the legends," Cadence said, "But I was talking with Colonel Blueblood, and he pointed out that I haven't done anything to deserve the throne. I have none of the military necessary to take the Empire from Sombra's armies. I have no special standing as a lost and found citizen. I am going to be there because you put me there. That would make me little more than one of your mayors. I respect your wishes, your Highness, but thousands of ponies are going to be looking to me for guidance, and I'll only be there because you think I should be. Blueblood, the changeling royalty, and their armies who will free the citizens from the vestiges of Sombra's control will deserve to have a say in the new government. If I go there, I'll have to earn my place among them."

Celestia was speechless.

"Why are you following me?" Twilight asked him as she trotted down the mine cart track.

"Because I set you down ahead of me on the path I wanted to walk and you're not slow enough to overtake and pass," he replied.

Twilight grumbled, but kept trotting.

"Do you want some water? I have a spare canteen," he asked.

"No, I don't want any water, I don't want any trail mix, and I . . . I thank you for offering," she said.

"So what are you doing down here? I'm exploring."

Twilight stopped. As a mercy, the Big Guy didn't run into the back of her. "I want to get out of here, " she answered.

The Big Guy stepped around her. "Follow this path back up until it ends. Don't take any side paths. There's light enough to see once the tracks run out, so follow it," he said, then laughed, "The only place you go to the depths of, to get out, is Hell." He started walking down the tracks at the same ground-devouring pace that required trotting to keep up ahead of.

Or keep up with, Twilight sighed, and followed him. What am I doing? she asked herself, He told me the way out, but now that I know he's going to go look, I have to know what's at the bottom. She hung her head and trotted after him.

The meeting had broken up in an unusual way. Celly and Luna had left together, with Selene. Cadence had gone off to find Shining Armor. Leaving Woona and Celestia to walk back to the throne room alone.

"It isn't your 'fault' that this is happening," Woona said, looking like an older, more mature Luna. Making the pair appear to be adult sisters instead of Celestia being larger than Luna.

Making us look like equals, instead of the queen and her kid sister, Celestia thought.

She sighed, "And I suppose it's nobody's fault?" she asked.

"We know the answer to that," Woona said, "You haven't done wrong, but you've only done all right. You and Celly were exactly what the ponies needed, a thousand years ago, and you haven't done badly by them in the intervening millennium. But there's change brewing, one you aren't seeing. Some ponies are growing up. The endless carnival is about to close up for the summer. Over what time were Tirek, Sombra, Discord, and Nightmare Moon threatening Equestria the first time? Decades. Now they all attack, and more, in less than one year, and the ponies bounce back. An ordinary pegasus thinks nothing of asking a newly arrived alien to fillysit. Would that have occurred a thousand years ago?"

"It's time for me to step down and get out of the way?" Celestia asked, letting some of her bitterness show.

"No, it's time to stop being 'mommy' to a pack of foals, and start being 'MOTHER!' to a rambunctious teen-ager. They won't love you any less, but they're going to get bumps and bruises that mommy's kiss won't make go away." She stopped in front of Celestia. "No one is rejecting you. We all just want the relationships on more equal terms. Cadence is going to the Crystal Empire, but she's going to earn her place, not get it as a gift. Luna will be off doing what she loves doing, and coming back full of enthusiasm and wonderful stories. Fledglings have to try their wings, or they'll never leave the nest. If you love them, let them go, and if they love you, they'll come back."

"I know that in my head," Celestia admitted, "But my heart just can't grasp it."

Woona nodded as they walked.

The bridge was rickety, and of course, he just headed across at his usual speed. The only change to his behavior was extending a foot way out, and putting weight on it slowly, then doing the same with the next foot. It allowed him to cross the bridge much faster than Twilight could, despite her four hooves. She winced at every creak and tried his approach to little avail. The bridge did little more than creak and groan as they crossed, so she felt better about that. But once back on the cart path, she had to gallop to catch up with him.

"You could have waited," she accused.

"You are trying to go back where you came from," he replied, "I'm exploring. If I stop you can continue. If you stop, I assume you've come to your senses and turned around."

She grimaced at that but kept up. They walked in silence for quite a while. Twilight was brimming with questions, but had no idea how he'd react, beyond continuing to ignore her. Finally, she couldn't stand it any more. "Are you angry with me?" she asked.

He kept walking, not even turning around to answer. "What would it matter if I was?" he asked as he climbed up the nearly sheer wall to look at something in the cave wall. "You're Princess Celestia's student. There's nothing I can do to you, legally, as long as the crown backs your every action." He dropped down to the path and continued walking. "That's the big advantage of living in a tyranny. Those on the inside can do anything, those on the outside have to watch their every step."

"Princess Celestia is no tyrant!" Twilight insisted.

"Oh, what was your punishment for nearly wrecking Ponyville? Did you even have to apologize? No, your low-caste friends got assigned the work, despite what you did to their sisters. Which was exactly what Chrysalis did to your brother, for essentially the same reason, and you're furious with her. Those ponies who attacked me when I got turned into an alicorn. All they had to do was listen to a lecture. I eventually got tricked into being banished for the threat I posed. When the ruler's cronies get all the benefits and face none of the responsibilities, then you have the beginnings of a tyranny. Even if the ruler is not a tyrant, their cronies are."

"You mean me," Twilight said.

"If the shoe fits," he replied as he climbed up to examine something on the wall. "Don't mind me, just go on ahead."

"What is it you're looking for?" she asked.

"It's technical," he replied as he dropped down.

"I happen to be very well-read," Twilight said and stomped her hoof.

"I am not going to waste my time explaining it," he said, "To someone without the industrial infrastructure to actually use it."

"Then stick to the theory, physics can't be that different!" Twilight said, and heard her voice echoing off the walls.

"Okay, that's it," he said and stepped over her and headed back the way they'd come, "I'm not hanging around someone eager to bring the walls down on her head to satisfy a childish curiosity."

"You're just being stubborn!" she said.

"And you're just being nosy. Just like the library you freaked out about. Whoever said it was your job? Answer: no one. You just pushed yourself in where you weren't wanted and to Hell with whatever anyone else wanted."

Twilight came to a fork in the path. One way the cart tracks continued. The other seemed to be where his footsteps were coming from. She growled and trotted after him. "I am not nosy! Or pushy!"

"Tell Fluttershy that," he said quietly, "And keep yelling, the avalanche will do you good."

The Sphinx found Trixie in the hospital. She was entertaining the collection of foals, fillies and colts who'd been injured during the battle. There are more of them than I thought, or that anyone let on, she thought as she watched the patter and simple tricks that held the audience enthralled. She smiled at the simple act of entertaining, not the people who would shower her with bits, but these forgotten ones who had only their appreciation to give. This must be what Fragrance meant when she created the changelings, the Sphinx realized, Someone who enjoyed the appreciation with no status chains to go with it. And those chains seem to be the only thing that matters around here.

The doctors intervened, leading Trixie off to the disappointment of her new fans.

Trixie smiled when she saw the Sphinx. "Ready to break into the easy end of show business?"

"Sure," the Sphinx said, "How is this easy?"

"When ponies are this bored, even if you stink, they want you," Trixie said, she was thinking as they moved to another large room, filled with an older and younger audience: young parents with their very young children. "Wild animal is out, can you be a straight man?"

"How do I be a straight man?" the Sphinx asked.

Trixie grinned. "You'll do just fine, just take everything I say at face value, no metaphors or slang, and ignore my obvious reaction to your antics."

"Easy, I hardly know any," she admitted just before they walked onto the 'stage'

"Welcome, and be prepared to witness feats never witnessed by pony eyes," Trixie said, and subtly pointed her tail at the Sphinx.

"I don't count, I'm not a pony," the Sphinx said.

Trixie covered her face with her hat. The audience giggled.

"First the cup and ball trick!" Trixie said.

The Sphinx wondered what Blueblood would say, or Discord, or the Big Guy. "You pulled me out of your hat the last time you did that trick."

"It'll work perfectly, this time," Trixie said defensively, "Or I can send you home, what are you complaining about?"

The Sphinx shrugged. "It's a win-win for me I guess. But I kinda like not being an earthworm."

The kids howled at that. And the parents began smiling again. Yes, the Sphinx thought, I can understand exactly why Fragrance did what she did.

Cadence paced across the room and back while Armor sat on the couch and watched. "How do we earn our way in? What would they need more than anything else?"

"First, soldiers, but Blueblood and the changelings are going to provide those in droves," Shining said, "The second thing is what did Princess Luna need when she returned? A full education in the modern world."

"I thought of that, but she was going to live in Canterlot, and take up a position Celestia held open for her. If we wanted them to be vassals of the Celestial Throne, I wouldn't even be thinking about this. I'd have Celestia toss Blueblood and the Big Guy in prison somewhere, and lock them away while I took the throne."

"With Discord gone, there's plenty of space in the statue garden," Armor said, "So what you are looking for is a new approach, something that others haven't thought of. I think I have a few people you might want to meet. Some are in jail right here in Canterlot."

"In jail?" Cadence asked.

"Some malcontents can't keep themselves under control," Armor replied, "The others, well there are ways."

Cadence dashed over and hugged him.

"Fluttershy," Twilight mumbled as she lay in her bed and tossed and turned in her sleep.

"Should we wake her?" Fluttershy asked quietly some distance from where Twilight lay in bed.

Pinkie stepped up next to her and shook her head. "She's had a hard time," she said very quietly, "With all the planning, and craziness."

"She seems to be having a bad dream. Should we tell Princess Luna?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie thought for a moment. "Naw, I think we can handle this." She headed over to Twilight and leaned over her. She whispered, "Your friends are here, and we love you and want the best for you."

"Your friends love you, and can help you do anything," Fluttershy whispered to Twilight.

Their friend seemed to settle into a more restful sleep and the pair grinned as they withdrew to let her rest.

The Big Guy stared at the candle while Dinky and the Crusaders watched. The small 'park', not much larger than a room, provided an out of the way place for him to practice. Dinky suspected that Celestia had offered the place so she could keep an eye on him, without seeming to. Dinky had explained about horn focus, and channeling energy, and all the lessons her magic textbooks talked about. She'd explained them again with Sweetie Belle's help, then Scootaloo talking about wings, and Applebloom talking about her connection to the land of Sweet Apple Acres.

The candle steadfastly refused to be lit.

The Big Guy looked at their downcast e expressions. "Don't worry, it'll happen eventually," he explained, "Magic is a thing of legends where I'm from. I can't go from mortal to Merlin in one day, no matter how ticklish my teacher is."

As he wiggled his fingers at her, Dinky squealed and hid behind Scootaloo.

"What's going on?" the pegasus asked.

"The dark and mysterious art of Zen Tickling," the Big Guy said in a scary voice.

"Zen Tickling?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I shall demonstrate, who is the most ticklish among you?" he asked.

Scootaloo pointed at Sweetie Belle, everyone else pointed at Scootaloo. "Traitors," she said.

The Big Guy instantly found her most ticklish spots, and had the little pegasus squealing and begging for mercy in moments. He stopped and let her get her breath. Then he began wriggling his fingers and getting them ever closer to those ticklish spots. Scootaloo giggled and jumped away, and the fingers pursued but never caught the giggling, squealing pegasus. "Zen Tickling," the Big Guy said.

After a few moments, he relented and laid back down. The fillies clustered around him. Dinky snuggling into the crook of his arm. "The mind can convince you of things that aren't there. You can will yourself to success or failure, but it's a double-edged sword. You might be able to will yourself well, but you can also will yourself sick. So you have to be careful. One reason you three might not have your cutie marks is that you're chasing them so hard. If you switched to doing fun, interesting stuff together, you might get your marks sooner. Same activities, different goals."

"How's that supposed to work?" Applebloom asked, "Doing the same stuff but not the same goal. But we'd still be tryin' ta get our cutie marks?"

"No, you'd be enjoying your activities with your friends rather than crusading for Cutie Marks," the Big Guy said, "I could tell you right now what your special talents are."

Dinky stiffened and was about to warn him off.

"But as I understand it, that'll prevent you from getting them," the Big Guy said, "I mean, if one of you gets her mark, will you drop the other two as friends?"

All three denied they would.

"Then part of your problem is you're trying too hard. Relax, and let it come to you." He glanced over, and the candle lit. "Like that."

The Crusaders began chattering excitedly, but Dinky understood that he'd been talking to himself as much as he'd been lecturing them.

"What was that about Fluttershy?" Twilight demanded as she looked around the darkness, the small circle of light from her horn didn't reveal him or his footprints.

"She was sent by the Princess, and you had to interject yourself, fouling her mission," came the voice from the darkness around her. "You watched Derpy and Dinky have no problem. Spike even guided you through how to do it. Did you ignore them because they are Derpy and Spike, and you knew better?"

Twilight shied at that, and searched the darkness above her for his voice.

"Or maybe there was a book you had to follow."

She winced at that, and reminded herself to take all the bookmarks out of Commentaries on the Griffon First Contact.

"You had a perfect reason to come visiting, and a comedy aspect to soften things: Rainbow Dash's report to the Wonderbolts. I would have understood you helping someone do a report, I probably would have set up the machines to demonstrate the maneuvers from multiple viewpoints," he said, she was sure from above her, "Why didn't you?"

"I didn't think of it," she admitted, "Besides, it was her job, I didn't want to interfere."

"It never occurred to you that a flying maniac like Rainbow, with a request in hoof from the Captain of the Wonderbolts, somehow couldn't bring herself to approach me, might not need a friend to help? No wonder Celestia sent you out to study friendship. That's an F- with dishonors on that one Miss Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight grimaced at that. "She could have asked," Twilight mumbled.

"Now in your mania to get my library," he said, as she almost localized him, "You seem to have forgotten my mention of the Library of Equipolis, and the monument celebrating its destruction. And that the Changelings are converted Windingoes, I would have had to find the ruins of one of the ancient cities to learn of those things. Do you really think that there were no library wreckages there? That the knowledge there wouldn't dwarf what was in my house? And that all you have to do is ask, instead of demand?"

Twilight felt her pulse quicken, and her breathing speed up. He's right! The ancient library! All those secrets lost for so long, the ancient commentaries, the spell craft, the plays and poetry, the ancient music! The - The world spun around and she collapsed.

"Now you know why I didn't mention it," he told her, as he landed beside her and held a paper bag over her muzzle, curing her hyperventilation.

"You must hate me," she said.

"You? You're still alive, so I don't hate you. You're an irritant, nothing more. I hate this whole set up, which is why I'm leaving. But I do have a question you need to answer, for yourself if for no one else."

"Your friends are here, and love you and want the best for you. Your friends love you, and can help you do anything," he said, "Why haven't to asked for their help?" He stepped back into the darkness and was gone before Twilight could stagger to her hooves and totter after him.

Twilight opened her eyes and looked around in confusion. Pinkie, Fluttershy, Cadence and Shining Armor were all standing around her bed, in her Canterlot apartments. All of them showed varying degrees of worry.

Twilight sighed. "Cadence, I think I have a problem."

The alicorn smiled and hugged her. "We'll get you through it, together."

"How did we get covered in tree sap," Scootaloo asked, "Again?" The other two Crusaders walked beside her, but not touching as the scrubbing they'd gotten had left them rather tender.

"They make maple syrup out of tree sap," the Big Guy explained, "You wanted to see the process. Stereotypes aside, so did I."

"I'm still wondering how it didn't get us," Dinky said.

"Because when I said, 'look out', you didn't say 'where?' you just ran. Important lesson, if someone shouts a warning and starts running, don't question, follow. An Ordinance Sergeant at a dead run outranks a Major General."

"You can look around while you're running," Dinky said and giggled, "At least now you know how they make syrup."

"She said surreptitiously," the Big Guy added.

The Crusaders rolled their eyes at the Big Guy and Dinky laughing at the joke.

"No Cutie Marks though," Applebloom said, looking at her still blank flank.

The approach of Trixie and the Sphinx changed the tone. The pair looked positively grim.

"Something wrong?" the Big Guy asked.

"Something. The idiot princess who fell victim of Pinkie Pie's cookie mines, then of the brigands, has also fallen victim to yet another effect of her own mordant stupidity," Trixie said, "The doctor and wizards, and even the royal Diarchs themselves have tried to restore her horn. All to no avail."

"Unless you need the 'Cutie-Mark Crusaders Tree Sap Collectors!'," the Big Guy said, "I don't know what I can do. Even Dinky is a better spell caster than I am."

"The doctors think it's psychosomatic," the Sphinx said and grinned at Trixie, "It isn't magic she needs."

"It's theater," Trixie added and gave a truly frightening grin.

"All those books. Not half-decayed ruins, but all in perfect condition," Discord crooned as he patted Twilight's head, "Enough to fill your pretty noggin to the bursting point. A lifetime of reading wouldn't be enough."

Twilight felt her eyes go to pinpoints and her breathing quicken. Her heart raced as she smiled at the thought of all those ancient, never seen before, not known in a thousand years, full of secrets lost and theories unheard of, by authors who were only legends now -

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" Cadence said sharply.

Twilight cringed back from that angry, disappointed foalsitter's tone. She paused. Took a deep breath, then another, and nodded to Discord. "More."

Discord shrugged. "The Star-Swirl the Bearded section is over a hundred paces long, and it's in the 'Minor Theorists' section. There are the papers of Leomaro Da Marchi, and Troticus, Velvet Night and Shadefire."

Twilight resisted the urge to throttle the draconequus to demand the path to those books. But he still shied back when she looked at him.

"Twilight," Shining Armor said, sounding worried.

Shocked back to the here and now, she took another deep breath. Then another. "This is hard than I thought."

"You can't break the habits of a lifetime in just one day," Discord said and conjured a tea service.

Shining looked at the tea cup in front of him, and gently took a bite. "Good tea," he said as he chewed.

"Why are you helping us?" Cadence asked.

"I'm not, you are entertaining me," Discord said, "That was my lesson. There are ponies who make the world almost as crazy as I did. I just have to learn to watch them, and enjoy their performance."

Twilight frowned. "You mean me."

"All of Celestia's students," Discord said, "The scion of Harmony spread more chaos than I did. Glorious."

Twilight let out a breath. "Let's try this again."

"At least this time I didn't have to shout," Armor said, and threw an apologetic glance to Cadence.

"And it's not just the library, but all their infrastructure. From lights, to water pumps, to building buildings," Discord crooned and laughed.

Twilight took a deep breath, let it out and nodded to him.

"Actually, you're doing it wrong," Discord said.

Twilight felt a stab of panic.

"It should be four heartbeats inhale, hold two, and four heartbeats exhale," Discord said.

Despite her crisis, she did as Discord had suggested. As she calmed down she looked at him curiously. "That does work better."

"Of course," Discord said, "Think of all the things I learned in my lifetime, all the secrets lost that I still know. All the lost cities I remember and whether they are there, or just legends."

Twilight stepped towards him, stopped, four heartbeats breathe in, two hold, four heartbeats breathe out, until her heart rate came back to normal.

"You almost had me," Twilight said.

"I have to make it harder in training than in real life," Discord said, put on a pot helmet covered with stars and stood before a red and white striped banner with a field of blue in one corner. "A gallon of sweat saves a pint of blood!" he insisted, then the helmet disappeared, the stars appeared on the banner's blue field, then it disappeared. "The library of Equipolis. I could take you back to the time before it was burned. You could clear the whole thing out before the first torch flew."

Twilight took a deep breath for four heartbeats, held it for two, and released it for four. She nodded. "More."

Rainbow threaded through the doors to the royal apartments carefully, on hoof. That and the condition of her wings drew all the others' attention.

"Rainbow?" Rarity asked, a lilting laughter hidden in her tone, "You were spying on them, weren't you."

Applejack's chuckle drove the spike in deeper.

"Well, Fluttershy went in, to see what all the fuss was about. Then I saw what they did to Derpy," Rainbow said.

"What did they do to Derpy?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow glanced around at the three mares and their intense interest. She tried to shake her wings loose, then sighed. "They, that is the Big Guy and Luna, were brushing out her wings," she said, and hoped that would explain it.

"Isn't that like a slumber party game?" Twilight asked, "Like manestyling, and hoofpolishing?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow said, "Between mares, but think about a stallion giving a mare a manestyle, or putting on hoof polish!"

"I think it's romantic," Rarity said, offering no help whatsoever.

"So they were playing slumber-party games. Derpy and the Big Guy are as good as hitched, and the Princess always wanted friends," Applejack said and glanced around, "It's a little strange, but nothing ta cause that." She pointed at Rainbow's wings.

"They were also nibbling on the leading edges!" Rainbow shouted, "While they were brushing them." Just thinking about it made her wings 'poof' more.

"The horror!" Twilight said as she frowned at Rainbow.

Sveti wandered over to the group and sat down. "So, one's a display of submission, the other a display of dominance." The griffon reared up before Rarity. "I can do what I like to you and you cannot stop me!" she hissed at Rarity, "What color hoofpolish do you want?"

Applejack and Rarity started giggling, then laughing.

"Bizarre, for a pony," Twilight said, "Perfectly reasonable, even calculated for him. And I bet all three of them loved every moment of it."

"Doesn't it creep you out?" Rainbow asked.

"I somehow doubt it creeped you out," Rarity pointed out.

"Where's Pinkie?" Rainbow asked, "She'll understand."

"She's with the colonel-general," Sveti said.

"Isn't he, kind of old, what'll they be doing for so long?" Rainbow asked.

"Talking?"

"Snuggling?"

"Thinkin' stuff up?"

The trio looked at Sveti. "The griffon tongue developed to let us collect the last bit of marrow from inside bones we couldn't crack open," the she-griffon said, "It's very long and flexible."

Rainbow stared at her. "What does that mean?"

"It means as a good general, if the usual way to enter the city through the gates isn't available," Rarity said, "He'll improvise another way in."

"Hi girls," Pinkie said as she trudged in, her gate slow, her hair flat, when she realized they were all staring she tried to brighten her grin, but she just looked tired, "What were you all talking about?"

"Siegecraft," Twilight said, "Are you all right?"

"Me?" Pinkie said and looked around, "I just came to get my shampoo and toothbrush."

"But, er, your hair," Rarity said.

"Oh, I'm not sad, I'm just kinda tired, but it's a good kinda tired," Pinkie said, "Exciting last couple of days. Almost too much fun." Pinkie went into her room and returned with a small basket dangling from her mouth, "See ya in th' mornin'." She trotted out.

"What's going on?" Rainbow asked.

"You have got to be kidding me," Twilight said, "I've got a book on it around here somewhere." She trotted into her room.

"Must be some book," Applejack said as she trotted after her.

"Celestia sent it to me," Twilight admitted, and blushed, "I think I was meant to give it to someone else."

Fluttershy felt Bonbon and Lyra snuggle up on either side of her as she looked around the large sleep room the Big Guy and the mares with him occupied. The thorough brushing out of her wings had felt marvelous, and had left her very relaxed. At least they didn't nibble on them like they did Derpy, then Derpy and the Big Guy did to Luna. She nearly giggled at the expression on the formerly scary princess' face when they started in on her. I think I figured it out, Fluttershy thought as she rested her head on the pillow the Big Guy had gotten for the trio.

The Sphinx arrived, carrying on her back an exhausted Trixie. She laid down carefully to avoid waking the weary unicorn. Celly levitated off Trixie's hat and cloak, and draped a blanket over the pair. The Sphinx nodded as she settled in to sleep.

It's like a slumber party. It isn't the 'hareem' the ladies of the court have been talking about. The girls cluster around and some cuddle, but that's all they do with him. Or maybe it's like an insect hive or colony with the pampered 'queen' in the center, and all the workers and warriors between her and the outside. Maybe bees are the best example, since the Big Guy is the best fighter, Fluttershy considered. She gave into the impulse to spread her wings over Bonbon and Lyra as she settled in to sleep. The mares snuggled in closer.

Twilight closed the book, Applejack had left when her laughter became too loud. Twilight looked around for Rainbow Dash. "I wonder where she's gotten to?" On a whim, she looked under her bed and saw two eyes staring out of the darkness at her.

"I'm never coming out," came the wavery voice so unlike Rainbow's arrogant confidence.

"That's okay. I'll be sure to tell the Big Guy where you are, and you're feeling especially lonely and unloved," Twilight told her.

There was a Rainbow streak connecting her bed to the door of Rainbow's room. Then the sound of lots of furniture being piled up against the closed door.

Twilight trotted out to where Applejack and Rarity were staring at the spectacle.

"What the hay does she think he's gonna do?" Applejack asked loudly enough Rainbow doubtless could hear.

"It's more like what she's afraid she'll enjoy him doing," Rarity explained to Applejack at a similar volume, "After all, maybe he's into wings."

"Now girls, you know he wouldn't do that to Rainbow," Twilight said and winked to her friends, "Even though he tickle fought Applejack."

The mare in question went from restrained giggles to blushes at that. Rarity had an even harder time restraining her giggles.

"He probably doesn't find her attractive," Twilight said and was rewarded with the scraping sound of furniture being moved away from the door.

Followed by an angry Rainbow Dash. "Ha, he probably thinks I'm too much mare for him!"

"With Celly and now Luna in his group?" Twilight asked, and let Rainbow deflate, "He doesn't hate you or anything. He just paints you into the background. 'Oh you're Fluttershy's friend'."

None of them could tell what emotions Rainbow was feeling, she seemed to be going through every one she had. Trying them on before discarding them. She settled on aghast. "How could he not know who I am?" Rainbow asked.

"Well," Twilight considered, "Considering his interest in air machines, maybe flying creatures aren't that interesting."

"Well, he is interested in Derpy," Rarity said.

"She's a good mother in need of a good partner," Applejack replied after a bit of 'consideration', "So it can't compare."

"I think it's more that he is avoiding her because she must obviously be frightened of him," Rarity said, as Rainbow looked at each of them with growing incredulity, "She did have an assignment from Spitfire to research those flight maneuvers and never even approached him. If you scare someone that badly, it's just bad manners to keep thrusting yourself into their business."

Twilight caught the raised eyebrow directed at her. She hung her head.

"In the morning," Applejack told the others, "You go charging in now, then nopony is gonna wanna help you."

Rainbow relaxed and bit and returned to her room. The others drifted off to their own.

Day 65

Twilight had risen early, in hopes of meeting with the Big Guy before the day really got started. But Derpy had reported that he was 'off on a project'. Then she'd had to wake up Rainbow Dash and go looking. Trixie was also missing, and no one seemed to know where either of them had gone.

Derpy was walking through the courtyards of the castle, enjoying the morning sun, the smell of the flowers which were blooming everywhere, and company of Dinky. The fillies was happily thinking and discarding ideas for the 'big project' Trixie, the Big Guy and several others were working on.

Then Derpy saw a stallion she'd hoped never to see again, and he was heading right towards her. Derpy scooted Dinky behind her.

"Derpy, good to see you. Is that Dinky?" the unicorn said and peered around Derpy as she kept herself between Dinky and the stallion.

"Yes," Derpy said.

"Dinky is my daughter," the stallion said.

Derpy bristled at that. "Dinky is my daughter," Derpy said, "All you did was get me pregnant. To win a bet as I later found out."

"That was a mistake," the stallion said, and moved closer, Derpy moved back.

"I'm quite fine with the results. I have a daughter I love very much, and I haven't seen you in years," Derpy said, and kept moving so she was always between Dinky and the stallion.

"You treat that . . . creature as the father," the stallion asked.

Derpy felt the anger pass through her, and she was beyond it. "Yes, I do. I'm not smart when it comes to things, but I am good at looking at people, and the bubbles they surround themselves with. When I met you, I realized you were lonely. I wasn't so stupid that I was fooled by your desires, I just was naive enough to think that once you let me into your 'bubble' that I meant something to you. When I met him, I realized he needed to be needed. He needed people to let him inside their bubble. He could be trusted, and in trusting him, he trusted us."

"That isn't what makes a father," the stallion said.

"No, making lunches, helping with homework, doing the laundry, being there and helping when your foal is hurt, those make a father. And the 'icky alien' has been a better father in two months than you were in all the years since you got me pregnant and abandoned me. Abandoned us. The only reason you showed up at all is you're afraid what you did might come back to bite you. Except Dinky doesn't even know your name, and I intend to keep it that way. You can go back to your parties and laugh about the hick you fooled, and we can go back to someone who actually loves us and we aren't an embarrassment to be covered up or silenced."

The stallion took a step forward.

"Guards!" Derpy called.

"The Royal Guard won't -" the stallion began, then watched the green flashes engulf nearly a dozen ponies. Ponies Derpy had known were a little too conveniently wandering along her way.

"Like I said, I trust him, I know him," Derpy said, "I thought I knew you, but I didn't realize you were a foal interested in seeing what you could get away with, and you still are. My daughter is mine, not yours. You thrust yourself into my life or hers, and you'll be a stuffed head mounted on a wall."

"Celestia would never allow him to hurt a pony," the stallion said as Derpy and Dinky withdrew behind a screen of changelings.

"Who said he'd do it?" Derpy asked as she withdrew out of the stallion's sight.

Sweetie Belle looked at the collection of marbles on the table in the middle of the small lab space. They were an assortment of materials and colors. Some were painted so she couldn't easily tell which were what material. She sighed, concentrated on her horn and started moving some of the marbles out of the pack, just rolling them. She couldn't lift them, but they were separated.

Blueblood and Fragrance wandered over and looked at the collection. Rarity watched them very nervously. Sweetie Belle's late development had always worried her. The two nobles quietly examined the marbles Sweetie Belle had been able to move. Rarity nuzzled Sweetie Belle as she looked anxiously at the pair.

"It'll be all right," Rarity said, "His reputation was an act."

Sweetie Belle nodded bravely, but Dinky's ease with her powers had gnawed at her certainty.

"You've been teaching her with cloth, feathers, and so forth?" Fragrance asked.

Rarity nodded. The young mare's tone hadn't been accusatory, just questioning. Rarity nuzzled her nervous sister.

Blueblood approached, he seemed completely different as 'the Colonel' than he was as 'the Prince'. "I think you might want to let her practice with the silverware," he said. He tapped several of the marbles on the table. They all made a metallic sound. "She will have to work harder for the lighter materials, but she can get some satisfaction from metal." He ruffled Sweetie Belle's hair. "Not everypony can be Twilight, many have specific strengths and weaknesses."

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle said, as did Rarity.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Rarity asked.

Blueblood shook his head. "As I understand it, the Crusaders are going to be helping with some 'Theater!'," he briefly sounded like the Blueblood she'd met at the Grand Galloping Gala. But a moment later, the Prince was gone and he seemed more like the middle sibling of Twilight's family, still studious, but a tad more athletic and outdoorsy. He accepted the friendly nuzzle from Fragrance, and Rarity had to remind herself not to be jealous. He is who I'd dreamed of meeting, she thought, But it never was to be.

"I said, if you want to get together and talk about gemstones," Fragrance said.

"Be nice," Blueblood said, "She was 'in the zone', and the rest of the world can go howl."

Rarity grinned nervously. "Yes, sorry, thinking about ah, things. Especially what 'project' would require 'THEATER!'."

Blueblood laughed. "A certain ridiculous junior, very junior, princess has herself convinced that even Celestia can't heal her horn. Several people thought that if love and friendship wouldn't work, then terror might."

"I can't imagine Celestia would allow him to hurt anyone. That was what got him exiled in the first place, those bandits," Rarity said.

Blueblood, Sweetie Belle and Fragrance all giggled. "Celestia is going to be part of the performance," Sweetie Belle explained.

"Maybe you should ask her highness about just who really drafted that order, while Celestia was elsewhere," Blueblood said, and laughed.

"She won't tell," Fragrance said and laughed herself.

Rarity nodded and determined to discover this secret herself.

Twilight finally found the Big Guy, in his home, in his office. He sat at the desk, a pair of headphones on, doing something with a ball in a fitting, and the keyboard. The image on the screen seemed to be a wave form of some kind. Twilight could almost feel Rainbow's confidence draining out of her every second she stayed in the building.

"Excuse me," Twilight said.

The Big Guy glanced at the pair, his absolutely neutral expression on seeing them drove home the rift between them. He removed the headphones so they hung around his neck. "I checked with Celestia and got permission to use Royal Property," he told her.

"What are you doing?" Twilight asked.

"Mix tape, now if you'll excuse me, I have a pressing deadline," he said, and put the headphones back on, but didn't cover both ears, when he turned back, the ear facing them was uncovered.

"Rainbow was intrigued by your collection of books on flight mechanics and -" Twilight began.

"The books are Celestia's, not mine, if you want something of me, please be brief, I have a deadline," he said.

Twilight gulped. Typically, ponies would deal with the person in front of them first. He was more interested in the job he had to do. Or he's just not interested in dealing with us, Twilight considered.

"Your help with flight maneuvers," Twilight said, although she felt she needed to expand and clarify what she wanted.

"Not today," he said, "Excuse me." He reached over, and while both ponies shied back, he caught the edge of the door and closed it. Not slamming it in their faces, but ending the conversation nonetheless.

"Let's get out of here," Rainbow whispered as Twilight prepared a better argument.

Twilight looked at her with concern, but followed the nervous pegasus outside. Once there, Rainbow shook herself. "Sorry, but that place is just terrifying, and weird."

"How so?" Twilight asked as she followed Rainbow outside.

"The halls are almost wide enough to spread your wings to fly. The ceilings in some of the rooms are high enough to need to flutter around, but not high enough to really get a flight. And there's all the windows to look in. It's like catching a bird and putting it in a cage. Yeah, it's a nice cage, but it's still a cage. You're trapped and anyone who wants to can stand outside and stare at you." Rainbow shivered.

Derpy passed them with Dinky in her forelegs. She seemed to zip through the house and burst into the office.

The Big Guy listened to whatever Derpy was exclaiming, and he held mother and child tightly against him as Derpy sobbed and Dinky looked very worried.

"Let's go," Rainbow said as she tugged on Twilight's ear. "That's what I meant. No privacy. Everyone staring in at you."

"Should we help?" Twilight asked.

"I worked with Derpy, she delivered your mail. Did you do anything with them before he arrived?" Rainbow asked.

"Nothing special," Twilight admitted.

"Then it's none of our business," Rainbow replied and led Twilight back to the cave opening.

It had taken quite some time for momma to calm down enough to actually make sense when she was explain why she was reacting. Dinky had been there, and she couldn't quite figure out how what momma was saying related to what had happened. So Dinky sat beside them on the floor of the office. Momma had the Big Guy in a wings-and-forelegs grip, still somewhat sniffily, while the Big Guy hugged her back.

I know enough not to ask if she's all right, Dinky thought, Because she'll bottle it up. I guess the Big Guy isn't the only one with a load in her emotion tank. I've got to let her splash it all out.

Occasionally, the Big Guy would scratch Dinky behind the ears, before returning both arms to hugging momma. She snuggled against them both, gently stoked her momma and waited.

"He - used me," momma said between sniffles, "And left me when I was pregnant with Dinky. I, I tried to contact him. He wouldn't see me. Now, he . . . "

"It's all right," he said as he hugged her and stroked her mane, "You're safe."

Momma separated herself slightly from him. "I knew you'd have guards on me." She smiled and snuggled against him, looking happier and more relaxed. "Even when you weren't with us, you were looking after us."

"I care about you," he said, "Of course I would."

"So, he was my daddy?" Dinky asked, and watched Derpy react with horror.

"He and your mom got her pregnant, like I helped get Lyra and Bonbon pregnant," the Big Guy said, "But he didn't care about you or your mom. Your mom's very hurt about that. Now he wants to take you away from me, and maybe from your mom."

Dinky felt a terror she hadn't known even facing monsters. "I won't let him," she said.

"Neither will I," the Big Guy said and pulled her into his lap so she was between him and momma. She did her best to hug both of them.

Derpy had curled up in his bed back at the house with several of the ponies who weren't participating. He'd carried Dinky with him to the practice. She'd also been clinging to him like a limpet. Never had the girls hanging off me before, glad of it when I met my wife. But now that they're not human, I've got a pack of them, he thought as he walked, Are decent guys that rare here? Armor seems all right, so does Big Mac, Blueblood was playing the fool and Fragrance seems very taken with him, Milestone is happily married, Eagle Belle, Fancy Pants, and Mr. Cake are all happily married or in long-term relationships.

On instinct, and because of the giggles from ponies passing him he turned around. He 'caught' Discord mimicking his pensive expression and posture.

"Oh," Discord said and glanced around, "Hi! Do you know how to get to the Albert Hall?"

"Play Carnegie Hall with the Queen watching would be a way," he replied to the draconequus. Discord frowned at him. "I used to tell those kinds of jokes all the time. Drove jokers crazy that my flubbed punchline ended the joke."

"I can see why the Diarchy wants you gone," Discord said, "So, onto the spectacle and pageant?"

"Of course," he said, "I'm afraid you've been replaced in some ponies' mind as the Gotterdammerung incarnate."

"I heard. I sent Hotaru and her friend in as close escort," Discord said.

"Do you really think this will work?" Discord asked.

"If it doesn't, I've got a few Marx Brothers' movies for you to see," the Big Guy said.

"Who do you think the funniest one was?" Discord asked.

"Karl, but he did political satire. Trouble is, no one gets it," the Big Guy said, "Like Machiavelli's The Prince wasn't supposed to be a 'how to' guide. It was satire too."

Discord shrugged. Then got a brilliant expression. Fortunately, Dinky and the Big Guy had been provided welding goggles. "I can make a restorative soup, in Neighpon style!"

"Miso horny?" the Big Guy asked.

Discord glared. "You keep ruining my jokes, I'm going to turn you into something unpleasant." Discord glared again. "Yes, more unpleasant than you are now."

"See, stretch your muscles, and you can keep up," the Big Guy said, "So, how are you and Tom getting on?" the Big Guy asked.

"He's a stuck-up, rule-abiding, stick-in-the-mud," Discord grumbled.

"So you're learning from him too," the Big Guy said, "Good, parents should have children who exceed them."

Dinky hugged him tightly. Discord beat his own head against a wall, then put it back on.

"Better?" Dinky asked.

"Much," Discord said, "Such pretty birdies."

Dinky and the Big Guy looked at each other and shrugged.

They arrived at the assembly, which included a number of ponies neither he nor Dinky had seen before.

Trixie was quick with the introductions "This is Octavia, she'll be in charge of music. This is Emerald Dance, she'll be in charge of the choreography, and I'll be in charge of special effects."

"Have you briefed them?" he asked, noting the ponies were an uncomfortable mix of enthralled and terrified.

"Yes," Octavia said, in a tone cooler than her body language suggested.

I'm glad Derpy gave me those lessons, he thought, Poor girl is having some significant issues. And Emerald is worse off.

"Basically this is an opera without songs, or a ballet with the most stately of dances. But, is the blood necessary?" Emerald asked.

"Can you think of anything that would have as profound an effect on ponies?" he asked, "This is still in the planning stages, I'm not married to any of the ideas I've laid out."

"No," Octavia said, "Blood is the most visceral." She shuddered and steadied herself, then glanced at Emerald. "I apologize for our behavior. I'm afraid the chance to hear music from another world has both of us a bit . . . excited."

"Viscerally?" he asked and grinned. When they smiled back, he continued, "I have the mix tape. But actually, many of the instruments are similar to the ones you're familiar with. Pianos, cellos, violins, bagpipes, steel drums, organs, etc., are all part of the repertoire of a human musician. Although we have some very different musical traditions due to being separated by greater distances. You don't get to travel across the entire 'world' in a day or two."

That got them excitedly chattering.

"I think if you asked her Highness to get access to the CD player, you'd get some idea of the flavor of the spectrum," he told them.

"I thought Twilight Sparkle was in charge of that," Emerald said.

"Never was," he replied, "Always and still is, the Diarchs."

They chattered about that excitedly, while he picked out the subtle, body-language clues between being excited, and being xxxcited.

"Shall we begin?" Trixie asked and they attacked the overall plan. Listening to snippets of music as they moved through the performance. Both he and Trixie kept copious notes.

The Big Guy was a little confused when the mares directed him to one of the smaller rooms that were part of the suite of rooms they'd been housed in. Sapphire and several of the changeling queens were also in attendance. All of them seemed to be in collusion over something, but he wasn't sure what. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Just a test of extended range," Sapphire said, "And why trying to become human is so difficult, confusing and painful."

"We're non-magical, and half the time we don't know what we are," he replied. That got a snort of laughter from a couple of the changelings, but then Dinky 'pounced' one of them and snuggled her. The look of abject horror on the queen's face, and her look of apology at Sapphire told him that whatever they'd planned, the others knew about and had approved.

They thought Sapphire's tales of love directed at them were wild stories, he thought as he entered the room they'd been herding him towards, Poor girl. Must be a real shock, getting the good stuff after so long.

The room was small by palace standards, meaning a half-court basketball game could be played inside, instead of an entire cricket pitch laid out. There was a human-sized, four-poster bed near the middle of the room. Looks forlorn, rather than the centerpiece, he thought and glanced around at the usual baroque and overblown furnishings. This place always did remind me of an upscale cathouse, like that 'gentlemen's club' in London, he thought as he glanced around.

Derpy stepped out through one of the doors, a bathroom or a closet. She was humanoid, not as far as Discord's work, having vaguely pony features, her top mounted ears, small wings, and her tail. She was again dressed in the T-shirt and bike shorts. But her self-consciousness worried him, she seemed a lot less sure than she had before.

"You like," she asked, the quaver in her voice hard to disguise.

He walked over to her. "Very much, do you want me to contact Discord or Tom to -?" He stopped at the nervous shake of her head and her fidgeting with the hem of the T-shirt.

"I knew you liked it, and that you, so when the changelings, I could get used to, us," she said.

He gently pulled her hands from fumbling with her shirt and held them in his own, then he kissed her. "Derpy, I'm perfectly all right just cuddling with a pony. You don't have to do this and flip your tail just to keep me," he whispered and kissed her on the nose.

Derpy's face twisted into a mask of abject misery, then she buried her face in his chest. She let out a cry of anguish and began sobbing while she hugged him.

The door opened enough for a half dozen pony heads to peek around it. Top to bottom Dinky was pleasantly confused, Lyra was ecstatic, Bonbon rolled her eyes and withdrew, only for Rarity to replace her, Celly, Woona, Luna and Celestia made up the next four, with Tom looking over the doorjamb. Satisfied, they withdrew, and if the thud was any indication, they hadn't withdrawn with any grace, or they'd tripped over those trying to squeeze in from behind.

He continued hugging the softly whimpering woman in his arms and waited. He was content to hold her all night.

Day 66

Princess Buttercup hadn't expected the midnight awakening of being dragged from her hospital bed. She had never expected to see the Monster of Ponyville again. "You!" she whispered as she ignored the rough handling onto a gurney and the clamps holding her legs in place.

"You have something I need, and I think you'll be well rid of it, your curse."

She almost jumped for joy, but the setting told her not to celebrate, and his expression showed no favor towards her. She nearly squealed in terror as he patted her head. "You, you aren't going to take my soul?" she asked, her eyes wide with terror and she scrabbled helplessly backward.

"Of course not," he said, his tone briefly eased her fear. "Ripping your soul out would be traumatic. These thing must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell," he told her.

She felt her ears pressing tight on her head as she drew back as much as the restraints allowed. "Please, I have money, influence, power, you can have whatever you want!" she said.

"And how have they helped you? I have all that too, without you," he replied and pulled a mask over his face. It looked like a sinister version of what the doctors wore in surgery. When he shut off the lights, the outline of his skull could be plainly seen.

She drew back until the restraints dug into her.

Several ponies, fillies and colts approached out of the darkness. Not fillies, skeletons! she thought as they closed in from all sides. She couldn't move to avoid them. She squirmed as they dotted her white coat with henna-colored drops of something.

"Please, I won't hurt you, my family can provide you protection! Don't do this!" She realized the skeletons were drawing patterns on her legs and back. "What do you want from me?!"

If the terrors weren't enough, an ominous chorus sounded. She couldn't make out the words, even if they were words, but she could feel the tone. Something large, hungry, and pitiless approached. "Please! Don't! I'm a royal, I can give you whatever you want!"

"I want my mother back," two of the skeletons intoned in unison.

She shrank back. "I can't do that," she admitted, and the pair went back to dotting her.

They put swirls and arcs on her barrel as she squealed and struggled. "NO!"

Then they stepped away. The music had grown quieter, she could see neither the ponies, nor the Monster. Only the faint, red-brown glow of the dots across her body. "Princess Luna! I call you in my nightmare!"

She received no answer.

He stepped into sight again, this time with a spear. The motions of his body and the whirling of the spear seemed almost dance-like, attuned to the music. The unseen chorus sang low and ominously. She tried to watch him as he circled her.

"Yowch!" she squealed as something struck her foreleg as she'd been watching him. She looked down and saw the red line of a blood-welling wound from her hoof up her foreleg. As she stared in horror at the wound, she yelped as another strike landed, this time on the back leg on the opposite side. When she turned to look, another wound on a foreleg, and as she looked, a fourth wound. All of her legs had a single shallow cut on them, not bleeding deeply, but the red line of blood drew her eye and refused to let her go.

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening!" she chanted. She looked at the movement and flash of white. "Celestia! Princess Celestia Solar Glorious Magnificat, as your loyal liege-mare, I beg you to save me!"

Celestia appeared out of the darkness, looked at her and nodded.

The Ponyville Monster approached Celestia, with the knife stained with Buttercup's blood.

"Behind you!" Buttercup shouted.

Celestia turned to the Monster, who handed the blade to a pony so ancient, she looked like a mummy.

"NO!" Buttercup shouted at the pony-mummy plunged the blade into Celestia's belly.

"Hey!" Discord complained as Celestia stole a hoofful of his popcorn. The observation gallery of the operating theater was dark, so the capacity 'audience' could not be seen by the players below. Some had an academic interest. Some were there to watch their family and friends in their 'play'. Celestia, Woona and Discord were there to intervene if things went too far.

"You can make more," Celestia said as 'Celestia the player', actually Celly, fell, and had her heart ripped from her chest by Granny Smith. The mare handed the still beating heart to the Big Guy and he carried the bloody thing to Buttercup and let the thin trickle darken Buttercup's face and muzzle.

The mare was clearly frightened beyond her ability to react.

"This should be the interesting part," the head of surgery of Canterlot Hospital said to Celestia, "Watch his reaction, not hers."

"What's gonna happen?" Applejack asked as she pulled her nose from the glass.

"If the graft goes well, it's like hitting your funny bone and your leg goes all tingly," the doctor explained as another surgeon in a 'skeleton' set of scrubs approached with the horn, "If it goes really well, it tingles so much it hurts. Add the reawakening of magical focus and it becomes very disorienting at the same time. That's what the inhibitor is for, and why the unicorn is usually unconscious for the procedure. We have the inhibitor and the anesthetist standing by."

Celestia and Applejack nodded while Twilight and many of the other doctor ponies took notes.

The music changed to something very oppressive as the Big Guy did his measured dance to it. Even knowing it was an act, knowing that she was being manipulated, and knowing he was physically separated from her, Celestia still cringed inwardly, and noted that even the most disconnected academics were affected.

Celestia's heart went out to the terrified mare, but even the Diarchs together hadn't been able to overcome the psychological block that prevented Buttercup from healing. "It will be over soon," Celestia said, despite knowing the mare couldn't hear her, "And then you'll be well."

Buttercup screamed as Celestia, her heart restored to her chest, stood up and shook herself. "It will be over soon," Celestia told her, "And then you'll be well."

Her scream continued as all of the dots that marred her coat burst into flame. She couldn't feel them burning her flesh, but fire terrified her. She looked at the cloud of smoke forming an evil version of . . . Her.

"Fool!" the vaporous Buttercup-apparition said, its tone like hooves across a chalkboard, a high irritating squeal, "You will never be free of me, for I am you."

"BE SILENT AND BEGONE!" the Monster thundered and gestured at the apparition, "You are mine now." He grabbed a wisp of the smoke and began reeling it in, stuffing it in a bottle.

Buttercup was so horrified by the easy way the Monster dealt with the curse that she missed the skeletal ponies approaching from either side. "Please, I've done nothing to you! Leave me alone!"

"Can't do that," one said, and wiped her horn stub with a cloth. Through an unseen window, a beam of sunlight illuminated the entire scene as another figure set the horn on her head.

Buttercup screamed. The doctors had warned her that magic flashing through a new horn would 'tingle', she'd never felt it, but this felt like someone had lanced her brain with fire. Mercifully she collapsed into unconsciousness before she could even scream.

"I knew it," the head of surgery said, "As the lights came up on the operating theater and the players rushing forward to comfort Buttercup were shooed away by the medical professionals in the theater. "He did react to that." The pony bowed to Celestia. "Excuse me, I have congratulations to offer and apologies to make."

"So," Woona said as she watched the drama unfold on the operating theater floor, "He can be outmaneuvered, and he does care about ponies he doesn't have a connection to. I'd say our experiment was as successful as his."

Celestia nodded.

"Y'all didn't tell him she'd react like that?" Applejack asked, "Seems almost as cruel as what he did ta Buttercup."

"Yes," Woona said, and looked at Celestia, "But we had to ensure he was safe. And without the pretense of him being ready."

Celestia didn't look at them.

The doctor held his ground admirably, but he had support. "You should have told us," the Big Guy said and glowered.

"He told us," Dinky said, placing herself and Selene between the Big Guy and the doctor, "He said your reaction couldn't be faked, and that would prove to Her Solar Highness once and for all what you are inside."

The Big Guy took a deep breath and his anger seemed to dissolve. "So everybody else knew?"

"Including the patient," the doctor said as he nodded, "That's also why Doctor Quick Sleep our anesthetist was standing by."

"Don't you mean anesthesiologist?" the Big Guy asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No, an anesthesiologist uses chemicals to achieve the effect an anesthetist achieves with magic."

"You certainly are a doctor, precise jargon for specific effects," the Big Guy said and sighed again, "Did I at least pass?"

"With flying colors in my book," the doctor said, "I apologize for the theatrics, but since you were solving your problem with theater, I thought I could solve yours with enforced method acting, and I made sure Her Highness knew what to look for."

The Big Guy wasn't satisfied, but he wasn't angry anymore either. "Okay, as long as it did her some good."

"Can you forgive us?" Trixie asked, obviously worried at the effect their deception had on their friendship.

"It was for a good cause," he replied, and scratched her behind the ears, "I just hope it was worth it."

He spotted Twilight and the others. Neither looked happy seeing the other.

"Miss Sparkle, Miss Dash, I apologize for blowing you two off yesterday," he said, "But I was in the middle of working on this and grafts have a short shelf life."

"Shelf life?" Applejack asked.

"That horn was donated by another unicorn as part of their estate," the Big Guy said.

Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight got it immediately, Applejack took a few moments, then paled as the others had.

"Why would somepony will their horn to a princess?" Rainbow asked.

"Ask your parents," the Big Guy replied, which confused the pegasus even more. Selene's giggles didn't help.

"If you're about to volunteer to help them, they'll have to wait until tomorrow," Derpy spoke up and fluttered between them, "I'm sorry Twilight, but he's had a hard few days and he needs to get some sleep."

"Whose fault is that?" the Big Guy asked.

Derpy blushed, as did several of the others. The kids giggled.

"It can wait," Twilight said, "It's not as though Rainbow hasn't been ignoring the report she had due, for weeks."

"Hey, I was doing important stuff," the pegasus confronted Twilight, while Derpy nudged the Big Guy out of engagement range.

"So, she'll be all right?" the Big Guy asked, "Buttercup, I mean."

"If she reacted to her horn graft the way she did," Trixie explained, "She will be more than fine. She may have her full powers restored. Another reason to be leaving with the Colonel."

"Why? Did the Diarchs try and fail at that task?" the Big Guy asked and nopony would look at him. "Oh, not good. Should we head straight to the ship?"

Trixie laughed. "I don't think it'll be quite that bad, but it does add to the list of 'things non-magical creature can do that magical ponies haven't'."

"As opposed to 'can't'," he replied.

"Which makes it worse. The spells we used were a pack of foal's tricks. Celestia or Luna could have cast them herself, by herself. The fact they didn't even consider 'scaring her out of her rut' will be the stinging nettle," Trixie said.

"That still leaves Molybdenum Blossom. Those plant dragons were similar to Nistag's work. And he has been out of the picture a long time. And the character I met would have trouble mixing gasoline and matches, and getting a flame. I suspect MolyB found a way around Discord's limitations."

"How?" Derpy asked.

"Yeah how?" a second Derpy asked.

"That's Discord," the Big Guy pointed to the second Derpy.

The draconequus materialized. "I'll ask how you found me out later," Discord said, "How did dear MolyB avoid withering to a husk and dying her well-deserved fate?"

"What are Zecora and Fluttershy doing with Tom right now? And how old are those talking trees we found in the Everfree?" the Big Guy asked and smiled as everyone looked horrified.

Fluttershy followed Zecora to the clearing deep in the Everfree. Both had their saddlebags filled with the equipment and supplies to perform their task. One of the trees was still alive, seemingly healthy, and 'empty'. It was only a short distance away from the others, Fluttershy was certain it was close enough to 'feel' the other two.

"Ready?" Zecora asked, visibly nervous not of being in the depths of the Everfree, but being so close to the Alicorn Amulet.

"I am," the stone sphere dropped out of the canopy and hovered near the two equines, "Are you sure you want to do this? That creature is neither sane nor sound, and will be quite a handful, hoofful."

"I have to try," Fluttershy politely insisted.

Zecora nodded and pulled the potion from her saddlebags while Fluttershy laid the Amulet against the tree.

"I could rule the Universe with this," Fluttershy said, "I know enough of animals to know their tricks and savagery."

Zecora shied as Tom hid behind her.

Fluttershy giggled. "Sorry, I had to."

Zecora and Tom chuckled.

Fluttershy took the potion as Tom shattered the amulet and let the spirit of the amulet enter the tree.

She was a tree again, and she felt her connection to the tree spirit from the amulet. Unlike her previous communication, she was just getting images, flashes of insight, and occasional roars of raw pain. Fluttershy smiled inwardly, those were all things she was more than familiar with. She mentally approached and then waited for the signs of aggression, when they came she offered soft, soothing images and noises of her own. After a while she moved closer. The process would take a while, but Tom could extend the duration of Zecora's potion as long as she needed.

Fluttershy considered also sending a runner out to contact the others, but decided against it. She did 'inform' her patient that two of his kind did exist, and did converse.

She was not expecting the flood of absolute terror she received in response. Maybe they didn't part on such good terms, she thought and struggled to make the tree 'discuss' and thereby expiate its fear.

The response was a clear image of the Big Guy as a demon of the darkest hells.

I'll apologize later, but I won't lie, she thought as she tried to construct the concept that as long as the tree spirit behaved, Fluttershy could keep the nasty demon away from it.

That seemed to have a soothing effect.

"So, do you eat . . . ponies?" Sweetie Belle squeaked as she walked with Selene and the other Crusaders, as they followed the Big Guy back to his quarters.

"First, most animals on my world are non-sapient, they aren't people as they are here," the Big Guy said after getting a shrug from Derpy, "Second, horse and therefore pony is considered an inferior good, something you use less of as your wealth increases, and my birth and home countries were pretty wealthy."

"You're saying ponies are inferior?" Rainbow asked.

"Compared to arthropods, insects, spiders and so on? Yes. I'd rather eat a crab, than horsemeat," the Big Guy said.

"You'd rather eat bugs than a pony?" Rainbow asked. She glared at him as she flew in front to confront him. "What? You think we taste bad or something?"

"There's also parasites, you know worms that live inside, and diseases," the Big Guy said. Smiling at Rainbow. "I mean just look at you."

"What's wrong with me?" Rainbow asked as she looked round herself. She ignored the giggles from the Crusaders and Dinky.

"Your coat, Twilight's and Rarity's, even Applejack's are glossy. Yours is drab: unhealthy. You're skinny, which considering how much you eat and sleep, means something else is eating the food you put in your belly. Even if you aren't all wormy, you'd be all stringy and leathery. Fit for soup, not very good soup, and only after boiling the heck out of you."

Rainbow's eyes danced with fire as her fury grew. The chuckles of her friends didn't help her mood. "What you agree with him?" she shouted.

Applejack decided to spoil things. "Why are you so all fired eager to get eaten?"

"Because . . . !" both Rainbow and her words hung in the silence. She facehoofed as the others erupted in laughter.

Derpy fluttered up and patted Rainbow's head. "He does do a little chewing, but spits it back out," she told the pegasus.

Rainbow stared at her a bit as Derpy giggled.

"Well, it's been fun, but here's where we part," the Big Guy said and entered the apartment. Derpy and the others pointedly blocking the way forward for the others. Inside, was Luna, without her princess regalia. "Your Highness." She was between him and the bed, so he dropped into the large chair and leaned back.

"You're doing it wrong," Hotaru said as she entered.

Luna hissed at the former Nightmare. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting him to go to sleep," Hotaru said as she sat down, her wolf ambled over and sat down beside her. "Just look at you. He's got to confront you to get to the bed, it isn't turned down with you invitingly lounging in it, it's clear you are a barricade, not an enticement."

"What do you know about it?" Luna said.

Hotaru glanced at the wolf, then glanced at the Big Guy's feet. The wolf's expression emulated a shrug, and he walked over to cover the Big Guy's feet with his body. He still looked at Hotaru.

"I know a good man when I see one," Hotaru said, "You don't seem to understand, more pity you. For what I did, and invading his mind, he would have coursed me to death though he traveled a thousand miles and took a hundred years. So Discord put me in the one place that would evoke his pity on anyone who came from there. And it made me profoundly grateful to escape no matter what happened. You have a child, which was your secret dream you hid even from dear Celestia. Now you want back in. Guess what, you aren't Queen here. You're a suppliant, you come on bended knee or you are only ever going to be Celestia's tag-along little sister. Not even Selene's mother."

Luna fumed at that, but the Big Guy's soft snore told her he wasn't even listening. Hotaru grinned at her, then transformed into her nebulous form, but gathered under the Big Guy and the wolf and buoyed them up on her cloudlike form. The wolf snuggling against the human as they floated above the floor.

Luna pawed the ground, her horn glowing, until she looked across the room at Selene and Derpy glaring at her. She fidgeted and dithered as she considered what she was going to do. To the disappointment of her Derpy, and her own daughter, she ran away.

Luna ran, she was no longer quite sure whether she was running to, or running from, but she ran. The panic that had gripped her hadn't abated. And while a rational part of her mind told her that galloping through the corridors like a madmare afire was certainly at least as embarrassing as the embarrassment she was fleeing from, she swept that thought aside and kept running.

Until she collided with the giant, invisible marshmallow, at least that's what it felt like. She shook her head and looked at a bemused Rarity, a unicorn she'd never seen before, and off to one side, Prince Blueblood and Discord playing cards. The room was part of the apartment suite the Elements and their families had been granted.

'Highness', or something similar greeted her from each of them.

"Sabac," Blueblood said and laid his cards on the table.

Discord frowned. "How is it in a game where chaos rules, you keep winning?"

"I have a lot of experience living in a world where I can't control the situation, and getting around rulers who don't pay attention," Blueblood said as he collected the cards and shuffled.

The soft impact had jarred her out of her fear, and the realization she was on the far side of the castle from where she'd been vanquished it completely. "What are you all doing?"

"Playing cards, your Majesty," Blueblood said as he dealt, "The Big Guy mentioned it, and Discord wanted to see if he could replicate it. Sabac."

"That's it, first Pinkie Pie at tic-tac-toe, then you at cards, why can't I ever win the games I created?"

"Is it not better that the joy those games generate flow out to the world?" the unnamed unicorn mare asked. Her accent was almost old Canterlot, but there were elements missing.

"And you are?" Luna asked.

"Nopony, Your Highness. Just part of the background," the mare replied. She wasn't uneasy, she was barely keeping her venom under control.

Luna got the impression ordering 'Nopony' to answer would not end well. "Very well, Nopony," she said.

"You should tell them why you're here," Discord said, cutting the tension between the pair. "That you ran away from him. I'm sure, stripped of his need to play the fool, Colonel Blueblood can tell you about what attracts a male, and what drives him away."

"Being overly clingy," Rarity said, "And not taking the hint of what he wants is a big one." Blueblood looked mortified, until Rarity started laughing, then he joined in. "Men are such simple creatures we overly complicate them and begin confusing ourselves, and them."

Luna noted Nopony's interest when Blueblood began to speak. She also listened. "What are his likes and hobbies, which are the ones he wants to share, and which are the ones he wants to keep to himself?" Blueblood said, then looked at Luna and Rarity, "That was not a rhetorical question."

"Teaching," Rarity said, "Even when he couldn't speak our language, he taught Dinky math, he gave me a wonderful book on fashions, and I believe he gave Spikey a book on how to be a dragon."

"Seems accurate," Discord added, "He seemed to see me as a willful student, rather than a danger." He looked at Luna. "What do you need to learn?"

Luna frowned at that. "I hardly think asking him the same questions will be useful."

"You have his library," Nopony said, "What books are the most worn, and which are out where all can see, and which are kept close to the belt?"

Luna considered.

"The other part is look at who has already caught his eye," Rarity added.

"Derpy, Celly, you," Blueblood said, "Trixie, Sapphire, and Bonbon."

"Not Lyra?" Rarity asked.

"Lyra chose, Bonbon was drawn in," Blueblood said, "What did they all need in common?"

Luna was completely flummoxed, and it got worse as all the others grinned to each other, knowing the answer that evaded her. "I do not see a thread of commonality," she admitted.

"They all needed someone, anyone to want them. Derpy needed a trustworthy partner who could bond with Dinky, Celly needed a father figure, Trixie needed someone to look beyond the greasepaint and see the mare inside, Sapphire needed others she could be herself with, Bonbon wanted friends who would accept her crazy marefriend," Blueblood said, ticking off the others, then looked at Luna, "Who do you want? Father-figure, knock-around friend, father for your child, true-seeing friend, keeper of a place of solace and serenity?"

"Two from column A, and one from column B?" Discord asked, "Or do you even know?"

Luna sighed. She looked at Discord. "You cannot tell me he does not terrify you right down to your bones."

"I understand, but I also know he's no danger. Like a carnival thrill ride, a moment of terror, and much laughing about it afterwards," Discord said, "That's what you need. You need someone to give you permission to laugh."

"I laugh, at jokes that amuse me, and the antics of my daughter," Luna said defensively.

"And at yourself?" Rarity asked, "Can you laugh at what you've done?"

"You can't, can you?" Nopony said, and laughed, "You still think of yourself as Nightmare Moon Redeemed."

Luna hissed and turned to face the upstart. "Lies!"

"Tell Hotaru that," Discord said, "You really think he'll break you, like what happened to her?" Discord stood, his expression dark. "Then understand this. He didn't break Nightmare. I did!" Discord thundered, he continued in a whisper, "I would not see another immortal cast down, destroyed and forgotten. So I sent her into a darkness beyond her imagining. I put her where even the hardest heart could feel only pity for her. I put her where her pride would be a pale shadow when someone offered succor and friendship. Where pity would be taken as grace, if it meant escape. Any price would be welcome. You believe yourself unworthy. You are correct. Nothing you have has been earned. Everything was a gift. Fate, your family, the people around you, all gifts beyond measure. If you wish to be worthy of them, quit thinking you deserve any of them, or that you could repay in a thousand years. Treat them as what they are, love gifts from those who don't expect any return to them, but expect you to pass on similar gifts to others."

Discord shook his head. "Are you so lost to friendship, that I have to teach you this?" he asked, "You want to know how to catch his eye? You've had a parade of ponies giving you a hundred variations on a theme." Discord suddenly straightened up, shying away from her. But the grin on his face told her that revelation not repulsion drove his actions. "Can you really not see? Is that what ails Sparklettes, and Celestia?" Discord giggled. "That's too rich."

"Tell us," Rarity said, "Or we'll tell the Big Guy on you."

"Oh poo!" Discord replied and turned Rariy's mane and tail green.

Rarity gasped. "Oh, such bold lines, and complimentary colors! Such a work of art!"
Discord frowned and changed it back, then considered and returned it to green. "Anyway, they expect it to be the 'blinding revelation served upon their plate'. But it isn't that, he isn't that. It's the simple day to day existence. What acquaintances would do, as they decide to be friends. Derpy trusted him that first day, because he'd already proven himself. She just asked him to foalsit like you would of any trustworthy neighbor kid. Bonbon treated him as a romantic rival, even Nurse Redheart treated him as an explorer. All of them treated him as a personality, you and 'Tia were afraid to." Discord dissolved in laughter, literally.

They waited as he reformed. "You all don't know! Oh this is rich!"

"Discord, don't!" Luna pleaded.

"Oh, they'll pity you, not hate you," he told her.

"That's worse," Luna murmured.

"The legend of Equipus Rex was about dear Luna, and 'Tia," Discord said and enjoyed the horror of the others, "Oh not like that, they had to spice it up for the audience and to hide it, but poor Luna doted on her daddy, and poor 'Tia loved him, but resented that he could walk in, turn two screws and turn her batch job into a masterwork." Discord wiggled his eyebrows. "Does that sound like someone else?"

"It's nothing like that," Luna said as she pawed at the floor.

"So you say," Discord said and gestured at the others who weren't looking at the princess.

"You can't believe that!" Luna insisted.

"If friendship is so important, why is a step beyond that to love so horrifying?" the strange mare said and looked at Blueblood, "When someone sees that you need, sees the darkness in you and is not afraid, even helps you keep it from consuming you, why would you not want to keep that person in your life?"

Luna noted that Blueblood was blushing and though he was smiling, he couldn't look at the mare straight on.

"Your Highness," Rarity said, "I think what everyone is telling you, is that no one thinks less of you for your feelings, or your confusion about your feelings." She glanced around and seemed to draw assurance from the others. "None of us blame you for being nervous, but have you considered that what you most want is also what he most needs?"

"Which is?" Luna asked, and almost cringed at the slight chuckles of the others.

"Trusting him on the little things, and reigning him in on the really important things," Blueblood explained. Both he and the strange mare chuckled.

"It goes both ways," the odd mare said and she and Blueblood laughed and laughed.

"What should I do?" Luna asked. She expected mockery or derision, at least from Discord. She realized that pity from that reality warper hurt worse than derision.

"Go back, and be your adorable self. And here's a novel idea, apologize and ask him for help. You'd be amazed at how effective it is," Discord said.

Luna nodded and trotted away. She heard Discord offering a bet on her 'screwing it up again', she didn't hear if there were any takers.

She reentered the anteroom, all the ponies there were respectful, but none of them said a thing besides the ritual greeting. She had the odd feeling that this was her last chance.

She reentered the room and spotted the cloud hovering in midair with the Big Guy soundly asleep atop it.

"Now remember, stay as a horse-thing, sit near but not touching, and let your aggravation within just seethe," Nightmare whispered, "That will give him the best, most horrible nightmares. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Luna fumed at that. No, that's what she wants, and by telling me, she'll know I won't do it, she thought, STOP! Quit thinking about what counters, reverse counters and double reverses. What she told me is correct, and it also tells me what I should do. What she gets out of it is immaterial.

She transformed into an approximately human female, and climbed up on the cloud to face him. She carefully wrapped her arms around him and drew him close. She ignored the chuckling of Nightmare.

I've got to quit assuming that if she wins, I lose, Luna thought as the Big Guy snuggled against her.

Author's Note

Sorry about the delay, I had this written months ago just needing a polish, but when the furor over Twilight brewed up, I decided to let it bubble for a week or two, since I had always planned on Cadence doing what she's done in canon.

Then I lost access to the internet and the computer with all the story files on it, for several weeks.

35) Dreams and Nightmares

Cultural Artifacts - Dreams and Nightmares
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 66

Twilight and Rainbow were intercepted by Derpy and Dinky. "I heard we kind of interrupted your research project," Dinky said.

"It's okay squirt," Rainbow replied.

"Well, since we have access, we can let you in and get out the books," Derpy said, "Then we can show you the maneuvers on the flying machine game."

Twilight suddenly took a deep breath, then paused to let it out. "He taught you to use that machine?" she asked, in a strangely conversational tone.

"Yes, we played it all the time," Derpy said, "I didn't beat the changelings who ambushed the Wonderbolts by being a noob."

Rainbow mouthed, but couldn't say, 'Defeated the ones who ambushed the Wonderbolts!'

"I have an experiment of my own I want to run," Dinky said.

"And what experiment is that?" Twilight said.

"Oh, I'll tell you when you're older," Dinky said, in the same tone she'd heard it multiple times from teachers before.

Twilight took a deep breath again.

Celestia was so deep in thought, she didn't notice Discord had been quietly walking beside her for some time. He kept holding up a piece of cardboard with a cutout that let him look at her head, neck and rump despite how they were positioned. Even when she turned to face him, the cutouts shifted and he continued. "What are you doing?" she asked, far more politely than she thought she otherwise could have.

"Oh," Discord said and turned the card so she could see it, "New mane and tail styling. Your 'Dishabille'-look is a classic, I was just wondering if there was something that would change it up for formal or informal occasions. Now that's a bold look!" The turned the cardboard around and it was a picture of Celestia with a cropped mane and tail. "You might use that one when you're feeling particularly penitent or really want to freak the audience out."

"What no ambush makeover?" Celestia asked.

Discord grinned. "You're forgetting, whatever you do becomes the new style. I could make you look utterly ridiculous, and within two days, every noble would be sporting the same look, because you did it."

She inwardly flinched at that, but contented herself with a glare at Discord. While he paused, finger under his chin, and considered. His sudden 'IDEA!' expression made her brace herself for the assault.

"That might be a way to separate the flank-kissers from the really devoted sycophants," Discord said and grinned, "See if anyone has the guts to tell the Empress she has no clothes."

Celestia felt relieved, but rolled her eyes. "You might as well tell me the rest," she said, "You aren't going to stop until you do. By the way, why did you paint moustaches on all the portraits in the nobles' gallery?"

"I painted moustaches just off the portraits of the nobles' gallery. No point defacing technically excellent art work because the subject matter was vapid," Discord said. He walked in the direction Celesta had been heading, then glanced back when she hadn't continued. "I left instructions with the maids how to peel the moustaches off."

"Yes, some of them are still singing that song," Celestia said as she started walking again.

"Of course," Discord shrugged and replied, "It's catchy."

Celestia sighed. "What's this 'Empress has no clothes' business?" Celestia said.

"No, you don't wait until you stall, you kick the rudder over just before," Dinky said as Rainbow stared at the screen on the computer in the Big Guy's office.

"Okay, okay. How do I quit spinning like this?" Rainbow asked.

"You can't, that's a flat spin," Derpy said, "It's hard enough to get out of one of those with your own wings, the machine won't let you use any of the recovery tricks a pegasus would use." Derpy winced as Rainbow crashed, again.

"This is still fun," Twilight said as she glanced among the various books laid out on a side table, and the screen. "Not that I'll ever get wings, but this stuff is easy."

"You want to try against me, bookworm?" Rainbow asked, her tone and glare dangerous.

Twilight glared back. "You're on!"

"Okay, let me set it up," Derpy said and she and Dinky configured the match.

"How'd you learn all this stuff, Squirt?" Rainbow asked Dinky.

"I read it," Dinky said, "It's easy. Don't crash too often."

Rainbow growled.

"Ready?" Derpy asked, and when both Twilight and Rainbow nodded, she started the battle. Then she and Dinky giggled.

Celly hadn't understood why Blueblood had sought her out, but she was glad to leave after Luna and the Big Guy were together. I can understand why she's so nervous, Celly thought as she walked the sky-battleship's corridors, following the guides, But dangerous isn't the same as damaging. She needs to accept that feeling like a prey animal facing a predator when she's with him isn't the same as being eaten.

The number of 'engineering bugs' that surrounded Blueblood and Fragrance worried Celly. She could sense the changelings' unease even if they were almost unreadable to most ponies.

"Good, you're here," Blueblood said, his worry making him more curt than she'd ever seen him, "What do you make of this, magically." He gestured with a hoof at a section of the vessel's wall.

She relaxed, opened herself to the magic and looked. The area was a tangle of lines, a mockery of the tightly woven skeins around it. "It's like the weaver got drunk in the middle of a masterwork," she said, and gasped as Blueblood stuck his foreleg into the almost impenetrable hull material.

"There are a couple of others like this, scattered around," Blueblood explained, "I think that uncontrolled, high-speed run damaged the fabric of this material."

"What do we do?" Celly asked, looking from Fragrance to Blueblood and back.

"I don't know," Fragrance said, "I never heard of how they built the hull, just the internal systems."

"I've given orders to unship one of the engines and drives. So if the hull crumbles up, they'll still have something to study," Blueblood said, "We'll monitor these areas and check for others, to see if this is a localized problem, or if it's spreading."

"You might want to get some pegasi in here to look at it, they are the experts at cloud manipulation," Celly said, "Assuming this is solidified cloud, but that's what it seems to be."

"There's also Discord," Fragrance said, "He might be willing to fix it."

"I think he'd more enjoy having us research and discover how to fix it. Since the secrets might not be in the old library, we'll have to research it somewhere else," Blueblood said as he stroked his chin and his eyes widened, "Somewhere that we can get everyone to work together on. We'll need Applejack, heck her entire family, Maybe that's not such a bad thing after all."

Celly and Fragrance looked at him as if he'd gone mad. Then all the Changelings fled the area as Blueblood chuckled and began to laugh.

Twilight switched from the top turret, back to the pilot's 'seat' on the computer. She cranked the rudder hard over the other way and banked slightly to compensate for the extreme rudder. Then she moved back into the top turret. She watched as Rainbow came straight in, aiming perfectly for where Twilight would be in a moment. Twilight keyed back to the pilot's station, twitched the joystick, and let Rainbow flash past, before firing all the A-26's guns at the Me-163 the pegasus flew.

"Again!" Rainbow complained as the computer screen displayed her plane's death at Twilight's hooves, "That's five times now! Yeah you've got two engines and I've only got one, but how do you keep doing that?! I'm the fastest plane in the game!"

"She goes into a skid to deceive you where she's really heading, and she watches her six," Derpy said, "Same way the Changeling's took out the Wonderbolts, they kept staring ahead or to the side, not watching behind."

"And you kept diving straight into her line of fire," Dinky said, and tapped a few controls, "My turn, equal planes?" she asked Twilight, who nodded.

"I like the Thunderbolt, boom and zoom," Dinky said and the screen showed the cockpit. Dinky moved the controls to let her zigzag to see what was behind her, always looking all around. She was also climbing at a good rate. After a few moments, she spotted Twilight's plane beneath her and dove for it. Dinky got off a burst at the twisting and turning Thunderbolt, but dove past and away from the other plane. Again Twilight looked like she was turning, but was actually flying in a straight line. "Attack from the side, and you don't wind up in front of the enemy, where their guns can still get you. This isn't a hoof fight in the sky, all the weapons have a range." Dinky missed with her burst, but raced past and kept diving, until she was out of Twilight's range, then climbed.

"Convert speed to altitude and come at her again," Dinky said as she manipulated the controls.

"You won't catch me unawares this time," Twilight warned.

Dinky only smiled.

Pinkie stood beside the crib/cage and gently stroked the Changeling nymph, as did the old griffon general. The nymph whimpered softly, but the chance of food overrode the fear of the source. Even her ability to sense Pinkie's emotions didn't overwhelm nymph-Chrysalis' worry that it was a trap by her most formidable and ruthless enemies.

She was satiated fairly quickly, and fell into a troubled sleep. Pinkie and the general stepped away.

"She still suspects we're going to hurt her," Pinkie sighed as the guard let them out of the security 'nursery', feeling more depressed than she had when she'd picked up her stuff from her room.

"Not everyone can be your friend," the griffon general said, "You had to learn a completely new set of behaviors before you befriended the Big Guy, including letting him think he'd beaten you to within an inch of your life."

Pinkie smirked and nodded at that. "But it worked," she replied, "I don't know how we get through to Chrysalis that even after what she did, Discord punished her, and everyone either doesn't care about her, or thinks Discord covered her punishment completely. Why is she still afraid? Shouldn't she know better?"

"She was able to convince herself that attacking Equestria was a good idea," the griffon said, "Anyone able to do that, can convince themselves of anything."

They exited the corridor past the guards and walked through the corridors of the palace. "I think she'll live, but the other hives haven't taken her in."

"There's always our crazy friend," the griffon said, "He seems to be collecting Equestria's enemies in one package."

"I think with her daughter as part of his team, that might be a stretch," Pinkie admitted, "While he doesn't like getting messed with, he really doesn't like having his friends messed with, and that's what Chrysalis did to her daughter."

The griffon sighed and rolled his eyes.

Pinkie nodded, then she giggled. "You should hear what my friends think we've been doing at night!"

"You haven't told them I hope!" the griffon gasped.

"Of course not," Pinkie said and giggled again, "They'd never believe what we're buil - doing. So I let them think something else. They're happy, and when it works they'll be happy about that too."

"True," the griffon said, and chuckled.

Pinkie smiled at that.

Twilight sighed, "That was a chandle, right?" she asked as she watched the ball of rapidly expanding fragments that had been her plane.

"Yep, I started a chandelle, then did the reverse," Dinky said, "Like a marble up a ramp and then rolls down. Climb until stall, then kick your rudder hard over."

"Yeah Twilight," Rainbow said and snickered, "If you ever get wings, you'll be an ace flier."

The unicorn frowned at her friend. "Dinky, are you all right?" Twilight asked as the little unicorn seemed to become disoriented.

"I think so," Dinky said and shook her head, "It's like I . . . "

Derpy nuzzled her. "Take a look at your flank."

Dinky's head came around so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. "MY CUTIE MARK!" she exclaimed on sighting the candle-illuminating-a-book mark on her flank.

"Oh great, another egghead," Rainbow said.

"One who can beat you at flying games," Derpy said and giggled.

Dinky nuzzled her mom happily as the older pegasus laughed.

Day 67

Cadence didn't like going to the jail, but she knew that it was better, safer to go to the ponies that Shining had suggested she meet with, rather than have them come to her.

The pair of unicorns didn't look like anything special, but she'd seen the designs that the Canterlot Guard had confiscated.

"Highness," the mustached unicorn addressed her and his partner seemed ready to say something, but a warning glance from Shining 'advised' him to keep quiet.

"The Guard showed these to me, and I showed them to an expert. He pronounced them 'workable'," Cadence said.

"A stallion of rare discernment," the unicorn said, again his partner reached for his head, and then seemed to remember both were barehanded.

"It was the Ponyville Monster," Cadence said, and noted the lack of shock from the pair. "You aren't worried he might have taken an interest in you and your designs?"

"If it means that we will escape here," the mustachioed stallion said.

"And we have a willing ear," the other unicorn added, almost in song.

Cadence almost giggled at the prospect of these two singing in the presence of The Big Guy, and what he'd sing back. She kept her smile to herself. "Actually I have a different fate in mind for you."

The pair rolled their eyes. Their spokes-stallion spoke, "With respect, your Highness, I almost prefer serving our sentence."

"They need to hear the proposal," Shining said and glared at them

Cadence glared at them too. "I need your network. All the malcontents and madmares who work for and with you. The whole collection of tinkerers, dreamers and . . . " she trailed off as the stallions stared wild-eyed beyond her. Their expressions of utter reverence and raw terror forced her to turn to defend them from their assailant. She turned to see the Big Guy standing there.

" 'We are dreamers, shapers, singers, and makers'," he intoned, sending Cadence shivering, "We study the mysteries of crystal and circuit, the true mysteries through invocations of equations." He drew near the cell and stared in at the pair of unicorns. Despite their mad grins, they were holding on to each other like a pair of frightened foals. " 'And we know many things.'"

The power radiating off him gave Cadence a brief impression of Celestia 'silently disapproving' of something. The two unicorn prisoners were caught between jumping for joy and pissing themselves, they settled for staring, grinning like idiots, and shivering. Like I was when I stood beside Celestia, Cadence thought, No wonder the Pony Sisters are so conflicted about him.

"You will have to make up to the Apples," the Big Guy said, "And Twilight has exactly the way to do it."

He turned to Cadence. "If they don't want to help you, they won't share in the fame, and everyone will know that they denied them access." He grinned evilly. "Your network will never forgive you."

The stallions cringed. Cadence noted that even Shining seemed cowed. "What are you planning?" the mustachioed stallion asked tremulously.

"Something Twilight and Discord have been plotting through the morning, and all we need is the details, and the manpower, or horsepower, to carry it through," the Big Guy said.

"Twilight was working with Discord?" Shining exclaimed, "What could they possibly . . . ? Oh, they wouldn't!"

"They will if I have any say in the matter," the Big Guy said and leaned toward the unicorn prisoners, "We're going to rescue the Library of Equipolis. Are you and your network in, or out?" The Big Guy laughed at the nearly slavering faces on both sides of the bars.

Twilight grimaced as Discord collapsed in laughter, yet again. The sketches of the huge ancient library laid out on a huge table dominating the palace formal dining room. One of the few rooms able to accommodate both the collection of maps, and all the participants. She turned back to her mentor, who also seemed on the verge of breaking out in giggles. "What's so funny about this?" she asked.

"Nothing," the Big Guy said as he swept in with a number of the Ponyvillians in tow, as well as the rest of his bizarre entourage.

"What are those polecats doin' here?" Applejack bristled as Cadence's group arrived, and she saw Flim and Flam.

"They are going to help," the Big Guy said as he knelt in front of Applejack, he stared at her, "We need everyone we can lay our hands and hooves on. And they are Cadence and Shining Armor's problem, not yours. Getting every Apple you can lay your ha-hooves on is your job."

Applejack stared at that smiling face and her grim expression softened. The others didn't chuckle at the farm pony's blush.

"Besides, think about how happy Big Mac was," the Big Guy said.

The memory of the big stallion pronking to beat Pinkie at her pinkiest shouting 'Yep! Yep! Yep!' drew a smile from Applejack. "Okay," Applejack said grudgingly, "They'd better pull their weight."

"If they could collect apples without bruising them, books should be no problem," the Big Guy said, and glanced at the pair. Flam was nodding enthusiastically, while Flim was nervously chewing the brim of his straw boater.

"I'm afraid it will still be a problem," Twilight said as she tried to start the meeting, "The library is even bigger than anything besides the entire city of Canterlot. There's no way to clear it in a single evening, without a huge amount of magic." Twilight glared at Discord "Which we don't have."

"With respect," Flim said, "You'll soon have magic in abundance."

"Overflowing all limits," Flam added.

"Ponyville is ready to help," Mayor Mare arrived with Cheerilee and Rarity.

"And we may be able to use the magic some of us use," Rarity flipped her mane, revealing the collar around her throat. "Fragrance mentioned that some high-ranking earth ponies kept unicorn slaves, and that minotaurs were only known as bipedal, befingered mysteries." She looked at the Big Guy. "He might even have a few - what was Selene's delightful word she'd overheard about herself? Oh yes, abomination." Rarity looked at Celestia, who sobered up instantly.

Discord laughed even harder at the Solar Diarch's horror.

"Don't laugh too much," the Big Guy said, "I'm an equal opportunity minotaur abominator."

Now Discord was looking shocked.

Rarity had the collars for all the unicorns, alicorns and pegasi who were going to accompany the huge number of Apples who had been assemble in the palace's formal dining on short notice. Trixie had taught them all how to whimper and cry appropriately when the Big Guy 'activated' their collars. The extent of the two unicorn con-artists' network shocked everyone. The inclusion of three dragons had considerably increased the odds of success.

Applebloom had a pegasus and unicorn to look after, and her fellow Crusaders were having a ball treating her as Diamond Tiara expected to be treated. A fact not lost on the other filly, who had nopony willing to be her 'slave'. Bonbon was 'in charge' of Lyra and Trixie. Of course Pinkie was in charge of the alicorns.

"You're getting me back for invading your house, aren't you?" Pinkie quietly asked the Big Guy.

"No," he said, "Can you imagine the friction of me commanding Celestia? Just draw on your inner Chancellor Puddinghead."

Pinkie frowned. "Don't even joke like that. Nopony could think we're the least bit alike."

Discord's collar was in the hands of Tom. "Yeowch! Help!" the draconequus exclaimed as a nimbus of electricity arced over him and he changed random colors. The arcs stopped and steam and smoke rose from the prone draconequus.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Celestia looked down and asked Discord.

"Not really," Discord said as he sat up, "I'm sure the maples are full of acorns this time of year." Discord fell over.

"I am glad I've got 16 more settings above that one," Tom said.

"Are you really sure you need to be shocking him like that?" Celestia asked as she glanced down at the prone draconequus.

Tom zapped Discord again. "You want a go instead?" he asked as he offered her the controller.

"No," Celestia said as she drew back.

Discord leapt to his feet with an expression of joy on his face, and an image of his face covering every bit of him, only for Tom to zap him again. The image of his face contorted in pain. Celestia actually looked at Discord with sympathy.

"We need him in one piece and in his right mind to make the gate," the Big Guy called over as he carefully fitted Hotaru, her wolf and the Sphinx with the spiky collars and 'evil armor'.

Applejack facehoofed as she watched the entire proceedings. "Is no one taking this seriously?" she asked.

"Yes, master," Twilight said, her eyes aglow, then the glow faded, "Pretty good, hunh? You get to play the rational mare amid all the crazies."

"Then I'm overqualified," Applejack said as she looked over to where Big Mac, Flim and Flam were going over Twilight's plans and considering any last minute problems. "Why cain't we use the changelings?"

"The emotions would overwhelm them," Blueblood said as he and his captain arrived. Their collars had Applejack's cutie mark on them. Applejack covered her face with her hat. "Ah don't believe this."

"People mentioned you hadn't picked any unicorns, so you should have the most regal and the most military," Blueblood said, he was as resplendent as he had been at the Grand Galloping Gala.

"Then why are you all princey and Ah'm in work duds?" Applejack said.

"You need work on your sneer," Blueblood said, "So when someone asks you that, you can give them the right response. A true ruler doesn't follow fashion, fashion follows them on bended knee." He glanced over at Celestia who was staring at the fallen Discord.

Applejack sighed and worked on the 'Blueblood sneer'.

Rarity looked over the assembly. "This is going to work," she said quietly, "And it is a wonderful joke." She moved over to fuss over a little detail of the costuming. Since they were all 'weirdos' modern dress was appropriate.

Twilight suddenly took a deep breath and after a pause, let it all out. "What happens if somepony asks us what we're doing?" she asked, clearly on the edge of panic.

"We tell them the truth, we're from the future and we're there to clean out the library," the Big Guy said, further frazzling the unicorn, "They'll never believe us, but it's the right kind of flippant answer that will make them realize we aren't going to give them answers that make any sense."

Twilight facehoofed.

"That's a stupid way to deal with them," Applejack said, "Only a defective mind could think such a thing." She glanced at Blueblood.

"Perfect," the unicorn said, "Arrogant, unkind, and dismissive, perfect Three Kingdom's noble."

"Quintessential, not 'perfect' twice," Applejack with a slight Manehatten accent, when the Big Guy gave her a thumbs up, she rolled her eyes and grumbled something under her breath.

"So," Twilight said as she gestured to the map. "We start at the outside and work our way to the center. Discord has agreed to keep up the deception that the place is burning down around our ears." She looked at the draconequus who was currently wearing a halo. "So ignore any flames you see."

"Trust him to keep his word, but not to look like he's keeping his word," Hotaru added.

Then she and Discord stuck out their tongues at each other.

"Right," Twilight sighed, and stared longingly at the map. "We are just going to collect the books as fast as possible. We'll sort them later."

"Which means Twilight stays out of the shelves," the Big Guy said, "The same with Big Mac, you two can geek-out about what we saved in the Canterlot warehouse, but for the moment, you two keep track of our progress."

The pair looked utterly horrified at the prospect.

"We'll pour them all out in a big pile and you two can swim through them if you like," Discord said, "Later."

Twilight resented that Discord was highlighting his sanity over hers on the subject. She frowned, but refused to stick out her tongue at him. Luna of all ponies started laughing at the pair. "Okay, review the tasks we all agreed to."

"I'm afraid that either leaves me and Woona out," Luna said and glanced at the Big Guy, "Or in the hoo - hands of Taskmaster Pinkie."

"Discord, no comments about whips or tongues," the Big Guy said. "Map of the destination warehouse please."

"Luna and Woona, warehouses," Pinkie said and nodded to the Princesses.

Twilight's eyes bugged out for a second, then she pulled out the map. "Right. Four columns. Take the pallets all the way to the back and fill forward. Keep a trotting space between the pallets, but no more than that. We can lift a pallet up and over when we're sorting." Her eyes fell on Flim and Flam as the pair started getting ready to sing, when Discord and Celestia cleared their throats.

"Yes, six stand ready, tested and approved," Flim said and glanced at Cadence.

"And trained operators for each," Flam added, and glared at the Big Guy, "And the quality settings are locked in and unable to be accessed."

"I have a key, so do Pinkie, and Dinky," the Big Guy said, "One of us can assess the situation and reset them if necessary. Never leave quality in the hands of the manufacturing department."

"So what are the resta us Apples fer?" Granny Smith asked, "We got bushels of willing Apples."

"A lot of the books are scrolls too delicate for their machines," Discord said, "We need expert pickers and packers. That's where the Big Guy is going to be concentrating his efforts." His eagle talon touched one room, clearly labeled 'Limited Access'. "The Big Guy's team will be working there."

Pinkie added, "Where Princess Celestia and Celly are depends on our progress. If we need them in the library, they'll be there. If the warehouse needs them, then there."

"How are even all of us going to be able to clear that in one night?" the Sphinx asked.

"Have faith," the Big Guy said, "I'm wondering how Discord is going to film the reactions around the world when the announcement gets out that the Library of Equipolis is now in a Canterlot warehouse. I'll be worse than the fiasco about my library."

"Xerography," Derpy said, "We copy the books. Besides, won't they be in Ancient? And I know the unicorns burned it, and the pegasi helped, but I still think we need the librarians, all of them we can save. Sorry about not thinking about it earlier."

"No problem, a plan's just a framework on which to make changes," the Big Guy said.

"I'll help you with that," Hotaru said and looked at the wolf, "No one would believe you are going to burn down the library on purpose."

Derpy frowned. "But by accident?"

"No comment," the former Nightmare Moon said.

"Good point," the Big Guy said, and looked at Cadence, who hid behind Shining Armor.

Then she hung her head. "What do we do?"

"Find them, and get them out," Derpy said and batted the Big Guy with her head.

"I've been looking for something better for my students to do," Cheerilee said and glanced over to Filthy Rich, "All of them, and a couple of bossy Earth Ponies are the perfect team leaders."

"Okay, but the Crusaders are our runners, they need to carry messages between the teams," Twilight said.

"Dinky's mine," the Big Guy said, "Bonbon will be with the regular teams. I'll be driving the truck to and from the Limited Access collection. About one pallet is all she'll handle."

"The Royal Guard will be ready to receive and set the pallets," Shining said, "So all the teams can concentrate on emptying. Once the books cross the 'border' we've got more help."

"We Apples'll be helping those gentlemen and their invention," Applejack said.

"My team will locate the librarians," Derpy said, "Then we'll lend a hoof wherever we're needed."

"The dragons, diarchal alicorns, and Tom will be moving pallets," Discord said, "While I keep the attacking unicorns away and the seeming of fire burning. Note, the outermost stacks should go first, so I can show them merrily ablaze, and anyone looking in will only see an inferno."

"Okay, everyone remember," the Big Guy said, "We are to secure everything in the building: books and librarians. If the plan hits a snag, if you spot anything, you call at once for backup. You don't get creative, you call for help. You understand?" Everypony nodded. "Good!"

Twilight nodded to each, a touch begrudgingly at Discord.

"Oh buck up Sparklettes!" Discord put Twilight in a bunny suit. "The greatest jokes are all work for the joker, it's the payoff that's worth it."

Twilight sighed, took a deep breath, held it, and let it out. "Let's get assembled, and do this."

Twilight checked in the pallets the dragon dropped off and directed them to the correct lines. The dragon had already departed to pick up another four pallets. The white truck drove through with a single pallet on it, but it was handled much more gingerly. The Big Guy stopped the truck and let Woona unload, before he turned around and headed back through the portal for another load.

In the back, Luna and Celestia used their magic to load the pallets onto the waiting railcars for transport to their final destination in the caverns under Canterlot. As the back of the warehouse emptied, they moved the pallets farther back to make room for more coming in the front.

Twilight sighed. They'd been at this for hours, and none of the contingencies she'd painstakingly planned for had come to pass. I hope it stays going so smoothly, she thought and grimaced at the tag the Flim Flam brothers' machine had stuck on the outside of the carefully wrapped pallet of books, it clearly labeled each pallet with which aisle, and the number of the pallet: Aisle 3, pallet 4, and so on. Even a vaguely competent crew could reconstruct the library from that. She had no excuse to resort the books in anything but their historic order.

That left only the 'special collection' which evidently hadn't even been sorted. Just cataloged. If she'd understood sexual lust, she could have a comparator to her feelings about going through and recataloging and categorizing that collection.

The Big Guy drove in with another palette of papers from the special collection. Woona unloaded it. There was a shriek from the bed of the truck as a pony stood up and pointed at Woona in terror.

"Is it to be put with the books, Master?" Woona asked, seemingly ignoring the pony's terror and plucking it out of the bed of the truck. The frightened pony hanging in midair from Woona's magic stared at the Big Guy and Woona.

"No, the agreement was that any Earth Pony we collected had to be turned over to Queen Apple's family. That was the agreement. Put it with the other librarians we rescued."

"As you have said, so mote it be," Woona intoned and carried the pony to the side door that lead to where Granny Smith and several of the other Apple matrons waited with the other librarians who they'd collected.

There's more who are ferreting out all the hideyholes they had in the library, Twilight thought, Once they realized we are evacuating the library, they became some of our most enthusiastic helpers. What are we going to do when they cross over into modern, integrated Equestria? We can't leave them to burn.

The arrival of another dragon with several pallets of books broke her concentration and returned her to the here and now.

Discord looked through the fire that seemed to be there to those outside, but had no effect on those within. Another firebomb not too different from a Molotov cocktail sailed up to smash against the statues of Earth Pony heroes on the ridgepole of the great library. Except the bottle didn't break. The container of extremely inflammable liquid bounced off and dropped amid the unicorns besieging the other side of the library.

Discord grinned as unicorns scattered from the incoming bottle. He gave an inspiration to some of the Earth Ponies waiting outside, beyond the cordon of troops, to use the distraction and run for the library. He'd been doing that with every fight he caused, allowing the Earth Ponies to penetrate the defenses of the unicorns and a few pegasi mercenaries, and hurl themselves into the inferno seeking their loved ones inside. The flames they passed through would only seem very real. The flames the guards attempted to pass through acted very real. To his illimitable disappointment, none of the guards got more than a fur singing, due to their cowardice.

Discord shrugged as members of the head librarian's ample brood charged the main entrance, which currently exceeded the flames of Tartarus in their intensity and fury.

The flames there just burn, these have to burn artistically, he thought as the youngest and most headstrong charged through, I wonder what dear Applejack will think about suddenly getting more Apples. On not hearing him shriek like a filly, the others increased their pace after their bravest.

Discord watched the distant ancestors of the Apple clan charge through, ignoring the guards' orders and, thanks to Discord, rotten shooting by the unicorns and pegasi. The pegasus who'd been making the lewdest comments about the daughters of the family kept up the charge, ignoring the smell of singed feathers, then burnt fur. Discord allowed the charge to continue while the brood, so brave in the face of the fire, stared at him like scared rabbits. He let them hear the screams of their pursuer, as his headstrong lust and absurd race hatred proved a poor defense against heat that would evaporate steel.

One of Derpy's team arrived, a rather boring Earth pony Discord couldn't be bothered to remember the name of. He/she/it led the confused and unsinged earth ponies away to the wonderful world of Equestria, and the IMMENSE culture shock that would follow. That's the whole reason I helped with this, Discord thought of the utter chaos being welcomed into Equestria with open arms and even Celestia's full approval.

He returned his attention to the pegasus who had tried to follow the captives, and was now the source of much laughter by the unicorns and their pegasi allies. It's so good to see ponies laughing joyfully at another's crippling injuries and lifelong torment, he thought and returned his attention to his anti-incendiary work, And Celestia thinks ponies are intrinsically kind and wonderful. Ignoring many of the nobles who actually think like Blueblood acted.

He chuckled at that, and let one of the incendiaries bonk a unicorn on the head. More of the would-be arsonists began fighting amongst themselves. Discord giggled again. It is more fun to let ponies entertain me.

Applejack smirked as the ancient librarians packed the scrolls. Some were ancient because of their native time, some because of their actual age, but they all worked hard at the job.

Apples were the librarians here, Applejack thought as she helped hoist the filled cabinet onto the truck and strapped it down. Discord musta known. I bet he's just a laughin' about this.

The truck drove off, moving with a speed and a delicacy few carts could have managed.

"No one said you could stop working," Applejack said with an imperious air.

Blueblood nodded nervously, and followed the librarians to the next cabinet.

"I'll offer you four hundred quatloos for him," a matron who might have been Applejack's great, etc. grandmother said.

The idea of selling a pony, even Blueblood, offended Applejack. She glared at the puffed up matron. "Get back to work, or I'll give you to Discord," Applejack growled.

"That misshapen thing?" the matron squeaked and raced back to the collection.

Applejack sighed and began understanding how Fragrance might have instantly fallen for Blueblood, once he ditched his act.

The aftermath is gonna be a mite interestin', Applejack thought, then stopped and looked in the direction of Discord, He musta known. Oh horseapples! He did. She had to smile at the depths of his trick. We rescue the books, and get a real education about 'pre-harmony ponies'. If he wanted a better revenge on us, he couldn't a done a better job. And we asked ta do it. Applejack shook her head and considered what the new 'truths' would do to the ancient librarians, and to modern Equestria.

The portal closed on an empty library. Discord kept a scrying disk that displayed the effect of the flames he'd kept at bay suddenly superheating the air and the wooden fixtures. The entire place looked serene, just the wood sizzling. Then the flash of light shocked everyone.

"It's gone?" Applebloom asked.

"Yes," the Big Guy said, "A heap of charcoal under a couple hundred feet of ice now."

Pinkie stretched. "Well, as much as a party may be the way to celebrate," Pinkie said, "Even my fur is tired."

"I think a party tomorrow is an excellent idea," Discord said, "A diplomatic reception, to announce the activities." He turned to Pinkie. "And you aren't invited, it's going to be one of those parties."

"Oh, 'those parties' are okay, as long as I'm with my friends," Pinkie said.

"Where's Sparklettes, and the horn and wings brigade?" Discord asked, as he glanced around a bit too innocently.

"Twilight was making a list of what she wanted to read first," Rarity said.

"And it took all five of them to drag her away and get some rest?" Discord asked.

"Don't be so gauche," Rarity insisted.

"Oh sorry, eight, including Sparkling Amour her BDBFLMNOP," Discord said and grinned as Rarity tossed her mane.

"I think Discord should set an example, and get his rest," the Big Guy said, and gave Discord a look.

"I don' wanna!" Discord pouted.

"I'll tell you your favorite bedtime story," the Big Guy said.

"Not gonna!" Discord said.

"Okay, FUSAG, and Operation Mincemeat."

Discord appeared in the bed of the truck. "Let's go!"

The Big Guy waved and soon drove off.

" 'Operation Mincemeat'?" Fluttershy asked, "Do we want to know?"

"Not really," Dinky said, "But FUSAG is okay for ponies. I do wonder if the Big Guy's right about that Patton fella inflating all those tank balloons himself."

Day 68

Applejack woke, surprised to be in her own bed at Sweet Apple Acres and not at the palace. Wonder if Discord sent us home, cause I can't remember walking here, she thought as she combed out her mane and looked at the mirror. She briefly considered putting in the metal hair clips Discord had given her, then discarded the idea.

"He's got all them other mares," she whispered, "He don't need one more that ain't gonna leave Ponyville." She blushed as she admitted to herself what had been nagging at the edge of her mind since the first days and she'd 'wrassled' with him.

At the same time, she felt a bit put out that she'd never done whatever Fluttershy had done. Been part of the ponypile. Even a grump like Bonbon felt better around him, she thought and shook those thoughts from her head, He's leaving, and he's never coming back. But at least we're still friends.

She headed downstairs and looked at Big Mac. Applebloom glanced at her worriedly, and then at their brother.

"Books got you like they got Twi?" Applejack teased.

"Yep," Big Mac admitted, "And all the Apples. Never knew why books called me so hard. Now I know."

Applejack nodded at that.

"Dinky's got the notes to translate his language ta ours," Applebloom said, "And he did ask Celestia ta let our - our sort-of folks keep the house. You can read those books whenever y'all want."

"Yep," Big Mac said, "But, yesterday, it was like seeing somethin' that was always at the corner of mah eye, but I couldn't catch. Suddenly, it was right before me, clear as the sun, and it . . . it doesn't bother me that I cain't have it. But just knowin' what it is seems a big comfort."

Applejack smiled ruefully as she nodded. "We all learned a lot, over the past couple months. There's things ah didn't know ah wanted, but jist knowin' what they were, I can get them on my terms. I know the hole is there, I don't have to race around to fill it."

Applebloom peered at them. "You all are talkin' like you're fixin' ta get a second Cutie Mark er something."

"Maybe," Big Mac said and patted Applebloom, "Applejack was hankerin' for a snuggle." Big Mac grinned at Applejack's gasp and warded off the swing of her hat at him. "Me, I wanted ta know more than the farm. But like he told you, quit making chasin' the dream yer whole life. Y'all run the risk of makin' the chase more important than the dream."

"Like what he told the Crusaders, have fun together and let the Cutie Mark happen," Applebloom said, "But it's hard!"

"Don't your big bro and big sis know it," Applejack admitted.

"You ain't gonna leave us?" Applebloom asked Applejack, "Are ya?"

"Nope," Applejack said, "But I do know more 'bout myself." She changed to an uppercrust Manehatten accent. "And that I choose to stay. Not that I have to stay. Same results, different motivations." She dropped the effort. "That's got me ready fer breakfast."

Big Mac chuckled and headed towards the stove.

Granny Smith was glad of her herding experience with cattle, alicorns seemed almost as hard to move, even with Applesauce and Apple Rose's help. The alicorn of love didn't seem very loving as they escorted her away from the librarians and their families. Spike was doing the same with Twilight who looked more hurt than angry.

"Those ponies are impossible," Cadence growled once the door was shut.

"Those ponies come from a very different time," Applesauce said, "When ponies didn't get along." She glanced over where a tearful Twilight was resting her head on Spike's shoulder, and he was carefully stroking her mane.

"That's no excuse for them to be so . . . " Cadence said, "We rescued them!"

"And yer ancestors burned down their pride and joy," Granny said, "It was a thousand years ago fer us, but it was yesterday ta them. Folks don't change with a snap, they take time."

"You also forget they lost everything but what they could carry," Apple Rose said, "They're proud folk, who don't like charity from the people who drove them out of their homes."

"We didn't do it," Cadence said, "Why do they blame us?"

"Cause you look jist like the ones who did," Granny said, "Give'em time. That's the thing. If the changelings hadn'ta rescued you and Canterlot from Chrysalis, wouldya be so ready to forgive them in yer heart a hearts? Or would ya still be wary?"

"Wary, I guess," Cadence admitted, "When I saw those two changelings in my room after the invasion, but before the wedding, I panicked."

"And how long did it take ta get over that?" Apple Rose asked.

"A while," Cadence admitted, and trotted over to nuzzle Twilight. "A while."

Blueblood was still in his 'prince' regalia and 'uniform', rather than his military uniform. It was the first time he'd been to court since his exile. Celestia watched him closely as he took in the entire new arrangement, requiring only a quick glance around to take it all in. Fragrance had not deigned to attend. Outwardly, he seemed the same, but he had dropped the vapid behavior.

He looks like Sir Eagle Bell, as a young stallion, she thought. Then he bowed as a 'peasant' would on attending the throne. Celestia frowned a bit at that. Then she watched as he made no attempt to buck the line by insisting on privilege. He isn't even joining the line, she realized as he wandered outside the nobles attending to the suppliants' needs. He was just looking around. None of the nobles were really his friends, and he was content with the disdainful looks from many of the others.

She watched for a while, and Celestia began to regret having issued an 'invitation' to attend court. Traditionally, an order, to a foreign dignitary or an Equestrian noble, who would rush forward and throw him/her or itself on the mercy of the Solar Magnificence. But he knows the rules, that technically I have to summon him, 'allowing him' to approach the throne, she thought as she watched, He's going to make me take the first step, while that is what the procedure says, that is never what has traditionally happened. He's trying to force me . . . no, he is not making me do anything. He's playing the game but the not metagame. He's strictly abiding by the written rules only, instead of what is traditionally done. He was summoned to the throne room, now he is waiting to be summoned to the throne itself

"Guard, bring Prince Blueblood forward," Celestia finally said.

The noble attended the guard, and approached the throne.

"My apologies, your Solar Highness, but I have been disowned. I am no longer Prince Blueblood. You can use my actual name on the court documents."

Celestia froze as she searched her memory for his name. She had thought of him as 'Prince Blueblood' since his christening, and now she struggled to remember his actual birth name.

He'd taken the pause to removed his princely regalia, and hand the pieces to the seneschal. "It's Vladimir, Your Highness," once-Blueblood said, he pulled a set of papers from his jacket. He continued before Celestia could apologize, "I tried to cover all the angles that would come up, as I am no longer part of the nobility." He hoofed the papers over to the royal scribe. "That includes my writ of nolo contendere to my mother's action to expunge my name from all royal records. As I have always been an embarrassment, I see no reason to let that record stand. It seems she's eagerly granting me what I always wished: a free and open destiny. It seems saving you and your sister was the final straw. Having thrown away a way to vault us to the rulership of Equestria, my family wants me gone. And I agree with the severance of ties. Is there anything you wish of me, before I retire, Your Solar Highness?"

"Why?" Celestia asked, "Why even come before me?"

"Because you asked, politely, and because I do respect the office," he said, "And whatever passed between us, or failed to, you have done a better job than my family would have."

"You can still call me 'auntie'," she said.

He shook his head. "No, Your Highness. The familial and familiar relationship was between the ruler and the nobles of Equestria, and a fabrication of state necessity," Vladimir said and smiled, "As a commoner, there is no longer a need for that political fiction that caused you no end of distress," his tone was sympathetic, "You are free of that particular dolor and shall never have to hear it from me again. Or likely another Prince Blueblood. The Line ends with my elder uncle, well deserved, well deserved. You are no more my blood relative than Discord or the Big Guy. It is unseemly and an insult to the crown to act otherwise."

She felt her 'wise smile' separate from her inner turmoil, as if the mask were all there really was, and the stallion before her wanted nothing to do with either part, the mask or the mare.

He bowed, as she had dreaded he would, as the citizens of Ponyville did when she arrived. As the nobles never did. When he straightened, he looked an odd mix of expectant and bored, he seemed prepared to await her answer for as long as it took. She was finding words difficult.

If I offer a knighthood, he'll just refuse, despite centuries of precedent, she thought, His own family cast him out, just as I did the child who tried to be my friend. Now the adult has no more use for me. The song the maids had been singing after using it to remove the mustaches came crashing down on her. 'My boy turned out just like me' from The Cat's in the Cradle. The father is wrong, the boy has no time for the father who never had time for him, he's too busy spending time with his family, she thought, thunderstruck by the realized. She saw Blue - Vladimir's look of concern as the revelation shook her. She realized, He waits politely, only because of my position as ruler, not for anything else.

"Thank you, luck go with you," she said, dreading even to offer her blessing to him, for fear of rejection.

"Thank you, Your Highness," he said, bowed again, and trotted away.

She watched him go, and wondered what she could ever do to mend the relationship between them. She wanted to call out to him, tell him how sorry she was, but the effort died in her throat. I sent Twilight to studying friendship in Ponyville. 'She never learned it from you?' she remembered him asking and so many things of his early life fell into place. She closed her eyes and wondered why she hadn't see it, why when someone, a precocious child, had tried to offer the one thing she always thought she desperately wanted, she had been so horrible to him.

Vladimir nee Prince Blueblood walked out of the throne room with the intent to shake the dust from his hooves and never return. Now, now, outside of Canterlot and the court specifically, nopony ever treated you that badly. he chided himself.

The small group he'd never expected to see came up to him. "Prince Blueblood?" his former valet, Onyx Boulder asked, and shied about having addressed him.

"Vladimir will do. I'm no longer a royal prince, little good did it do me," he said, "You've all found more agreeable employment?" He'd tried to sound jovial, but their quizzical and concerned expressions made the attempt fall flat. "Can I help you?"

"You can take us back," Onyx Boulder said and glanced at the others, getting encouraging nods from them.

"I'm afraid I can't pay you. I've been completely cut off, and being a wandering adventurer doesn't put bits in one's pockets," Vladimir said, he cocked his head, "I am curious, I abused you all shamelessly, why would you want to . . . still be with me?" He was surprised by all the chuckles from his former staff.

Onyx Boulder explained, "You forget, I helped you with your homework when you were little, and accompanied you on your long sojourns in the library."

"It wasn't difficult to see your heart really wasn't in the deception," his ex-cook, Electric Cookie said, "You never threw anything, except yourself onto the bed, and your tantrums were far less damaging, except to the eardrums, than most nobles." Her expression softened and she smiled. "You also were a little too good at being the ditz. You 'remembered' to get our birthdays, anniversaries and other special days wrong. All of them. You always remembered my anniversary, the day before. I wish my husband did. And you always had some little token or a day off with pay for us."

"But they were always the day before or the day after," Vladimir said.

"But you remembered," Electric Cookie said, "Most nobles wouldn't care if their staff dropped dead, as long as they did it out of their sight. Your mother's staff live in eternal terror, yours lived in a bemused state, which is infinitely better."

"So I outsmarted myself," Vladimir said, "Trying to be awful I managed only amusing." He frowned at that.

The collection of common ponies chuckled at that.

"That, and the Royal Geologists Society, the Royal Flautist Society, the Chamber Music Organization, and so on," Onyx Boulder said, "And all through trusts that even your mother's best lawyers will never unravel, if they can even find them."

"What of Miss Rarity?" Vladimir asked.

"At the risk of sounding harsh," Electric Cookie said, "She got more out of it than she lost. Suddenly everypony knew and loved her."

Vladimir nodded. "That still doesn't explain why you're all here. You must know I'm not staying in Canterlot, or even in Equestria."

"Whatever you and your team are planning, you are going to need a staff," Electric Cookie said, "You had to be reminded to eat, and all of you are going to need someone to look after you. While your friends may be able to do the job, they aren't going to be happy it is their 'job'."

"That still leaves the question of pay. I'm going to be able to scrape together enough for the regiment, but the budget is quite tight," Vladimir said.

Onyx Boulder chuckled. "Another reason you need us, to take care of the little details. The Big Guy was sent a rather large amount of 'recompense' by the dragon queen. The crown still holds that, instead of forwarding it to him as the Queen requested."

The former prince frowned. "For the good of Equestria no doubt," Vladimir said.

"True," Onyx Boulder said, "I happen to have an inventory of some of the magic items, and the location of the chests. Even a finders' fee would more than pay for our employment for several months."

Vladimir took the paper and smiled. "I think you have proven your worth, and given me leverage to include you on the 'expedition'. You still haven't asked where we're going."

"Does it matter?" Electric Cookie shrugged, "It'll be interesting, and begging your pardon, if we stay near you, it won't be that dangerous."

Vladimir, ex-Blueblood blushed at that.

Her second 'Royal Summons' seemed to be going much better. She was taking tea in her private office, and had 'invited' the Big Guy to attend. It was a struggle not to speak as she would to her ponies, or the diplomats of other nations. He'd take either one as condescension or as equivocation, she thought, she was a trifle disturbed he hadn't even touched the tea or the cakes, Does he think they are poisoned? I've eaten them, why won't he?

"I think in the - " she stopped, tongue tied as she tried to avoid any of the myriad verbal landmines. The fact he stood and acted with the utmost courtesy and deference kept giving her the feeling he was meeting with his executioner, and they were just working out the details. "I desire that we . . . there has been trouble between us and I think that we might see our way clear to . . . "

I'm making a total mess of this, she thought, Why? Why am I afraid of him? Discord just makes me angry, not frightened, what can he do that Discord already hasn't?

She took a moment to calm herself. "Please do enjoy the tea," she said.

"Thank you very much for the offer," he said, "But it disagrees with me most, colorfully, let's put it that way."

Celestia froze at that. "The tea we sent you?"

"Fortunately not," he said, "But other blends . . . " He shrugged.

A few moments of sympathy, for me, and then he closes up completely, she thought, That's why he makes me nervous, everything else on Equestria is an open book. I can't even tell for certain what he's feeling. And my anxiety is filling in all the gaps. Is he doing that on purpose?

"I asked for this meeting, not as the ruler of Equestria, but as the pony, Celestia," she began.

"I would be delighted to be Celestia's friend," the Big Guy said, and smiled at her astonishment. "I am friends with Celly, while there are a few major differences, I think I can guess what you've been struggling with."

Princess Celestia smiled.

"But, unlike Celly, there is no Celestia. There hasn't been in a long time," the Big Guy said.

"And you're such an expert on me," she said, and was shocked by both her on instant anger, and when he laughed.

"I don't need to be a sage of ancient days or consult with Celly, 35 years as an aerospace engineer is enough to recognize a workaholic with no life outside of work," he replied, still smirking, "People like that who retired had an average life expectancy of 18 months."

Celestial gasped at that.

"Most had worked in a high stress job, and were fairly old when they retired. But for too many of them, all they had and all they were, was the job." He pointed at her crown. "That piece of fancy metal is who you are. All of who you are. Sure, you can cobble together enough 'Celestia' to fool everyone, even your beloved student, but it's an act, not a reality. I can't be friends with you, because there is no 'you', just enough of a shadow to fool yourself that you haven't totally become the job. Celly went through a rather ridiculous period where she thought all she had to offer were her powers and - well a gentleman doesn't speculate on things that were never going to happen."

Celestia blushed at that implication, then sobered. "Then why can't you be friends with Princess Celestia?" she asked.

"Because Princess Celestia's sole loyalty is to her ponies, anyone not of those races is of secondary importance," he said, "Princess Celestia has shared, national interests and working relationships with nonponies, not friendships. And I don't have the political clout to have national interests."

"I can have friendship with nonponies," she insisted.

"Your sister might disagree, you sided with the ponies over her long before her fall to Nightmare Moon," he said, "How much less would you concern yourself with the needs and feelings of an ambivalent alien."

Celestia barely noticed when he left.

The Big Guy arrived back at the suite his group had been using. They were almost finished transferring everything aboard the ship for the next mission.

Discord was currently held within a large gray ball, and Vladimir, once-Blueblood, was lecturing, "She'll be off-center, after all, everyone is supposed to love and adore her."

"Actually, I don't hate her, I am indifferent to her, and that might be worse," the Big Guy said as he entered.

Discord was released and collapsed in a puddle on the floor. The ball reformed into Tom.

"Now listen, listen to her. Any talking, single, short declarative sentences," the Big Guy told Discord, "Your entire point is to listen, really listen to her. The only males who weren't subservient to her, have both politely told her to take a hike. If you want to prove to her you are different than you were, just listen and answer questions."

"Directly and clearly," Vladimir added, "And before you say 'CHAOS!', you'll be causing quite enough just by acting rational and adult."

"When in doubt," the Big Guy said and pointed, "Act like Tom."

Discord looked at the sphere and his lip curled, shuddered at that, but nodded and vanished.

"Why do I think we haven't done either of them any favors?" Vladimir asked.

"Because we're making both of them grow up," the Big Guy said, "Celestia has been a kindergarten teacher for a thousand years. It's time to move her up to Junior High, and all the confusion and hormones that go with it."

"Well, I'm going to stop in at the Chancellor of the Exchequer's office about some funds due you," Vladimir said.

"The chests of dragon treasure. You might want to mention at last report, I was meeting with Princess Cadence and the dragon ambassador," the Big Guy said.

"Not on this, I hope," Vladimir said.

"It will be a 'wide-ranging discussion'," the Big Guy said, "And you can quote me on that. I suspect that Cadence is trying to 'earn' her way into the ruling junta by bringing in some other people of different races, to help the Crystal Ponies reacclimate to the modern world. And to let the dragons, griffons and minotaurs get rid of some of their troublemakers and malcontents by giving them a new project." The Big Guy paused, "But that's only a guess, Princess Cadence did say there was 'a lot to talk about'."

Vladimir smiled as he left.

Applejack was so lost in thought, she was applebucking almost on automatic. So when Applebloom spoke, it startled her. "Sorry, sis," the smaller pony said, "I'm a mite confused and Ah don't think Big Mac or Granny would understand."

Applejack smiled and nodded for her to continue.

"Ah spent the last couple days around Dinky and the Big Guy. I know Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo was there too, but . . . it felt strange. A good kinda strange and yet I also felt I was doin' something wrong. Like I was stealin' somethin', but there wasn't somethin' ta take. Dinky liked havin' us around, and the Big Guy ain't been shy about his likes and dislikes, ponies or other things, but he never shooed us away." Applebloom looked down and scuffed at the ground. "He played tag, and tickle fought us, and told us stories and helped us do things and really talked to us."

Applejack nodded. Ah know where this is going, Applejack thought but smiled and motioned for her to continue.

"Why did it feel so good, and yet I feel so guilty?" Applebloom asked, her face a mask of confusion and misery.

Applejack smiled. "Let me tell you a secret. I kinda wanted to rassle with him again mahself. Maybe lose a tickle fight er two."

"You?" a goggle-eyed Applebloom asked.

"Me, your responsible, older sister. See, when Mac and I were yer age, we'd play fight and wrassle and tickle each other all the time." She turned wistful, remembering those days. "But after we started growing up, two near-adult ponies havin' that kinda fun seemed - strange. So we quit."

"What about you and Rainbow? You tussle all the time," Applebloom said.

"Rainbow is all about winnin', it's not the same." Applejack blushed slightly. "When I started bullraggin' the Big Guy, he realized it was all about play, and he played right back. Even Granny thought I wanted him fer a husband, but it weren't like that. I just wanted a tussle fer fun. Like Big Mac and I used to do, and nobody thinkin' I wanted to start carryin' on with him like Derpy does." She smiled as she thought of the once clumsy and apologetic mare now prancing around with her tail held high, full of new confidence.

Somepony is very happy with her new stallion, she thought before turning back to Applebloom.

"Why y'all feel strange and guilty, cause I bet Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo feel the same way, is you suddenly had a dad. Somebody bigger and wiser who was still willin' ta play, and teach," Applejack said, "Ah think that was what I was feelin' too. I didn't want his foals, like Derpy and Lyra did. But it's kinda nice havin' someone to challenge, who's jist as happy you won as if they did. They jist like playin' with ya, if that makes any sense. And y'all ain't stealin' Dinky's dad from her, and ya ain't ignorin' yer mom and dad. It was jist . . . nice."

Applebloom was smiling, as Applejack finished. "So you was kinda hopin' he'd be 'dad' to you?" she asked.

"Naw, but jist a friend to tussle with who'd work with us," Applejack said, "I think that's all he wanted, jist some folks had to make it more complicated."

Applebloom nodded, then frowned.

Celestia didn't know how long she'd been sitting there on her throne in the empty room after court was dismissed, lost in her own thoughts, when she noted that Discord was sitting quietly, just looking at her.

"What do you want?" she asked sharply.

"That everyone embrace the chaos within, and accept it," Discord said somberly, "But mainly that those around me begin enjoying their escape from the routine."

"So why aren't you out helping the escape?" she asked.

"Because I'm worried about you," Discord replied, "You keep turning every meeting with him into crossed swords. You are going to lose every time you try. Especially if you keep treating him like a willful pony."

"You seem to get on well with him," Celestia accused.

"Even I am afraid of him," Discord said.

Celestia snorted at that.

"You are too, and you assume because you are afraid, he's going to do something to your ponies. So you go into any meeting with 'you can keep your damn lawnmower' and no one understands your hostility towards him. Least of all him. You're supposed to be wise and patient, but you aren't trying to be patient with him. You had a good plan to start with, why didn't you stick with it?"

"It escalated out of control," Celestia said.

"Derpy had him under control, and Fluttershy would have helped. You could have trusted him, trusted your subjects, and trusted your initial plan," Discord said, "But we're alike in that, we have to push our idea of how things will go. We can't just let go and trust it will happen. The plan is just a framework on which to make changes, not an object of worship."

"Why am I arguing with you about this?" Celestia said.

"Because that's what we've always done. And I'm sorry for my part in that. Both of us played out our roles, without understanding them. I was destructive, instead of spontaneous, and I frightened rather than inspired. Now you've been told that you've taken my role, and I have yours, and you don't know what to do."

"I'm supposed to ask you for help?" Celestia asked, "I don't trust you that much."

"Then who else? Who else in this great, wide world isn't too frightened or too awestruck to talk to you?" Discord asked, not derisively, but with real concern, "Me, Celly, and possibly Woona. It was Blueblood's self-appointed job to bring up the things that you'd set aside, that couldn't be overlooked anymore. And let you remonstrate him about the hurt feeling and the political problems he caused. Without that, who do you have?"

She wasn't going to give him an answer. But he's right, she thought, Who speaks the truths I don't want to hear? Who's still willing to talk to me at all?

She suddenly realized while she had been thinking, he had been silent. He was just looking at her, waiting. But it's a different kind of waiting than he normally shows, she thought as she looked at him closely.

"What do you really want?" she asked.

"Trying to preserve another immortal," he said.

She braced for some insult, but it never came. She stared at him owlishly.

"So the plan is to take the force north, day after tomorrow," Celly said as she stood among the Big Guy's planning group, and looked at the various notes they'd assembled over the past few hours, "Emplace the wall, then work on the Crystal Empire." She glanced aside as Derpy searched the suite high and low for anything they'd left behind. She didn't like to term it an 'evacuation', but that's essentially what it was.

Everyone turned as Discord entered, he had a candy-eating grin and a black eye. "Thanks," he said as has walked through them, "It worked." He collapsed in a heap in the corner.

Celly stared at the fallen draconequus. "What have you two done?" she asked Vladimir and the Big Guy, "And your halos need polishing."

"Just a little matchmaking," the Big Guy admitted.

Celly pointed at Discord, then down the hall to the Royal apartments then back at Discord. As the room went dark and the floor jumped up to hit her, Celly overheard, 'She took that rather well.'

Day 69

Twilight looked at the collection of Apples, both ancient and modern. I should tell the Big Guy they hurt foals, and then turn away, Twilight thought in fury.

"If you believe all that, why are you even staying?" she ground out and felt her anger growing to incandescence.

"They're our books, not yours," the lead librarian told her imperiously.

Twilight evolved into Rapidash and stared into the terrified Earth Pony's face. "Do you know what we went through to rescue the entire library and you too?"

"We never asked you to!" the Earth Pony shouted back, "If we knew you'd be sharing them with unicorns, we would have let them all burn."

"AUGH!" Twilight shouted.

"What's the emergency?" the Big Guy asked as he fell in with crowd racing towards the disaster through the palace corridors. Panicky ponies ran and flew in the other direction. The alarm bells had fallen silent, but the 'civilians' had scattered like leaves in the wind, and the troops were racing to concentrate. He glanced at the assembled troops coming in, not in the fancy armor but in combat armor more like Blueblood's troops wore.

Several troops came sailing over their heads.

"I thought this was a world of peace and harmony," the Big Guy said as Derpy flew over and caught a sailing Wonderbolt and set her down.

Rarity drew out a force bubble full of a fireball bouncing off the inside. "Coming through, coming through," she announced as she trotted through the crowd.

A moment later Discord walked through, carrying Celestia under one arm and Cadence under the other. "Gangway, coming through! Move it peons!" He paused for an instant next to the Big Guy. "This is not my fault," Discord said, before continuing his pursuit of Rarity, "Gangway, coming through! You like being a pony? Then get out of my way! Move it tin can or I'll rust you in there! Move aside! Clear the way!"

The Big Guy looked at Green Grass, Vladimir's chief military adviser, and field commander.

"Do I even want to know?" Green Grass asked, then her slightly gallows humor vanished as Pinkie Pie walked out, looking like a pink thunderhead had settled on her brow.

Pinkie Pie walked up to the Big Guy, her expression in deadly earnest. "No pony will care what you do to them, as long as they live through it." Pinkie marched off her tail bristling like a bottle brush.

The Big Guy sighed and pushed his way through the uneasy crowd. The guards at the innermost perimeter were Earth Ponies to an Equine, and they looked none too happy. A moment later Luna leapt out of the room over the cordon. If he hadn't known Hotaru was still back in the crowd a ways, he would have sworn Nightmare Moon was back.

"I don't care what you do to them," Luna said, then her fury broke and she grabbed the Big Guy in a wing-and-forelegs hug and she sobbed her heart out. Selene arrived from the crowd and embraced her mother, trying to soothe her anguish.

Vladimir, Hotaru and her wolf took advantage of the confusion to slip past the cordon and into the room where the carnage of the battle lay around in shattered furniture and scorched wall hangings. I dearly hope they realize just what a misstep they made today, he thought and eyed the defiant, ancient Apples.

"Hotaru, be a dear, and go get three oranges, a strip of jerky, and a double pace long length of twine," he said and regarded them, "Make that six sets."

The former Nightmare Moon grinned evilly, as did the wolf, then she left, leaving the wolf to guard Vladimir.

The suddenly less certain Earth Ponies glared at him. "What are you going to do with that?"

"I've always thought fishing was the penultimate experience," Vladimir said, "I just wanted to know if you felt the same way." Then he cackled insanely, and even a thunderclap sounded. The defiance of the Earth Ponies was lost completely as they clutched each other for support and whimpered.

Celestia, Cadence and Rarity held the whimpering Twilight. Discord had Twilight's horn in hand and was carefully straightening it, before fitting it back on the sobbing unicorn. He acknowledged but didn't react to the look of gratitude from Celestia.

"Discord, please ask the Big Guy to search them for weapons. He has Royal Indemnity for anything he may do during that search, but he can't harm them permanently."

Discord summoned a paper with the words on it, and Celestia hoofprinted it. The paper vanished. "I've sent Tom the message," Discord said, "I think your protege needs someone she can unreservedly hate. I fill the bill, and I can take it."

Celestia frowned, but nodded and continued to comfort Twilight.

The Big Guy was still enveloped in several hundred kilos of sobbing alicorn when Vladimir walked out, his smirk was genuine this time. A master having bested an upstart who had been bullying his friends.

"They'll be much more . . . tractable, but remember to bring a few oranges," he said and walked away.

One veteran sergeant looked in the room where the 'guests' had been holed up. He returned with a quizzical look on his face. "One's on the floor whimpering, and the rest look like they got a tour of Tartarus and a week's free vacation there, but no blood, no bruises, just a bowl of oranges, a rasher of bacon and a ball of twine. Don't understand it."

The Big Guy nodded and signaled Tom over. "I'll finish up later, but send to her Solar Highness: I sent Vladimir in there as the bad cop."

"Understood," Tom said and made the amendments to the Royal Order, and returned it to Discord and presumably Celestia.

The Big Guy walked out of the librarian's suite past Celestia. He carried a sealed trash bag with him. "No more horn twisters," he said, "But a few nasty surprises. They are all thoroughly searched, and have been made to understand that most ponies behave themselves and don't need advanced, search techniques. I'm afraid all their clothes are going for dusters though."

Celestia nodded, and the Big Guy left. She spotted Discord ready to accompany her in when she confronted the ancient ponies. She nodded to him and felt an odd comfort that she had both back up, and someone to play off on. "Be gentle, they've likely been severely traumatized," she told him.

"That's more true than you know, but not the way you think," Discord said.

Every one of the ancient ponies was sitting up straight, and either utterly goggle-eyed, or had their forehooves stuffed in their ears and were humming loudly. I really do not want to know, she thought as she surveyed them coolly.

"Now Celestia, stay calm. Just because you raise the sun by yourself, and they did that to your favored apprentice, you have to show yourself to be the benevolent ruler loving all ponies equally," Discord said, "I'm certain you ordered them not to seriously hurt anyone."

Celestia growled at Discord. "I am calm," then she grinned, "They did use the oranges!"

Several of the ponies squeaked and fell over.

Celestia put on her best, most serene and motherly expression. "Equestria formed when the hatred among the three pony races created a truly malevolent force that destroyed the pony homeland, and nearly destroyed the place they had escaped to, Equestria."

"Yes worse than the ones you've encountered," Discord added. Several of the ponies fainted.

"Only the power of Harmony among the three tribes allowed them to overcome this horrible darkness and found the thriving civilization that we enjoy today," Celestia said. She glanced back at Discord, who was simply staring at the ponies they'd rescued from the past. He wasn't doing anything more than staring at then, and smiling a little smile that said he knew everything about them, and it amused him in a thoroughly unpleasant way. She accepted the 'support', and continued, "Since then, all ponies have learned to accept all three tribes place and talents and none are 'greater' than the others. All are of equal value and can rise as high as talents can take them."

"So what is that?" one of the ponies asked of Discord.

"Even in the most happy homes, there must be the occasional shake up. Since I am the spirit of chaos, and an ally of the throne, I make the shake ups occur, and keep them civilized. No need to set fire to each other," Discord said, sounding almost like Twilight giving a lecture.

Celestia braced for more, but Discord resumed silently staring and smiling.

"I'm not afraid of you!" one of the teenagers announced and marched over to Discord.

Celestia prepared to shout a warning, or tackle the youth out of the way. But the spinning back-kick, one of Applejack's best moves, passed through Discord. The draconequus stared at the fallen pony.

"You cannot touch someone who's dreamed the dreams I have," Discord said and then his paw came out from behind his back, "Orange?"

The pony shrieked like a filly and raced back to cower among his siblings.

Celestia knew she shouldn't have enjoyed Discord's antics, but it was done with some grace.

"You should learn not the hit people," Celestia said, "Some of them hit back." She glanced back at him. "But he usually doesn't hurt anypony."

Discord happily nodded, then his smile vanished and he looked utterly malevolent. "Unless they hurt someone I care about," Discord said, "That's a flaw we share."

"Well, I'll be assigning different teachers, since you seem to have a problem with unicorns," Celestia said, "But you'll find most Earth Ponies are not as tolerant of some of your attitudes than Twilight Sparkle was." She looked for any sign of contrition, but found none. She left them alone in the room.

"You did very well," Discord said.

She almost snapped at him. "You knew this was going to happen," she said.

"I suspected," Discord said, "A lot of ponies are going to have to defend their inner harmony with something other than 'we've always done it this way'. And that's not going to be easy. They'll have to turn to their friends and families, and there's going to be a whole lot of soul searching."

"And you'll just love all the resultant chaos," she said.

"I'll love that it will stop being 'we're harmonious because Celestia tells us to'," Discord replied, "Part of the problem you've had is you assume everyone bowing and scraping is always and only exaltation, which you despise. It isn't, it is reverence, but it isn't all love, it's mostly fear. They may love you when you're far away. But up close, they're terrified."

Celestia snorted at that.

"Fine, don't believe me. But what you did to me, to your sister, what every nation remembers of Nightmare Moon, you alicorns are items of vague terror. They may revere you," Discord said, "But they fear the angry god. If you don't believe me, ask Sapphire to sit in at court. When she looks like she's trying to hide somepony bucking her in the . . . stomach, that's terror she's 'eating'. Just as filling as love, but it hurts going down."

Celestia was tempted, just to prove him wrong but decided she'd talk to Sapphire first. She glanced around, and Discord was nowhere to be seen.

Day 70

Celestia woke a few hours before dawn, enough time to do a little paperwork, before her 'official' job. She walked out on the balcony to survey a sleeping Canterlot, and to enjoy the quiet.

Then she saw what was not there. The ship which had hovered over the city for the past several days was gone. I bet they filed all the necessary paperwork, but they simply neglected to mention it directly to me, she thought and frowned, What did they think I would do? Hold them here?

She stepped out from the balcony and opened the doors to her apartment. She addressed the guards waiting there. "Please have the officer of the night verify that any of the Changelings are within the palace, just look to see any obvious ones."

The guard saluted and began routing the order to the sergeant then the officer of the guard, thence to the officer of the night. When she turned back, Discord was waiting next to her writing desk. He had a tea service and a collection of sweet rolls.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"That everyone embrace the chaos within, and accept it," Discord said, "There's raspberry, grape, cranberry and pineapple."

"You said that yesterday," she told him.

"And you didn't expect it, did you?" he asked, "Luna and Woona stayed behind, so your family didn't abandon you. So you can say your goodbyes today."

"You didn't go with?" Celestia asked.

"Tom went, they've got a load of planning to do," Discord said, "I was never good at planning, just improvising."

"Like tricking us into returning the librarians? You must be enjoying all the chaos and pain they're creating," Celestia said.

"Yes, actually. And when you actually start reading the books, it's going to cause more," Discord said and laughed while rubbing his hands together, "So many ponies go on about the 'ancient wisdom' there, they're going to ignore that a lot of books are just tripe. There'll be accusations that you're holding back the 'best' stuff, and ponies horrified about the contents you have released. The librarians and their antiquated attitudes were just the icing on the cake, and I didn't even come up with that. Your ponies innocently invited a wolf in, and you sent your favorite sheep in to be not merely fleeced, but skinned alive. Twilight will never forget the scourging she got, and she'll eventually realize that Vladimir and the Big Guy, and me, would have been much better choices. But you chose her."

Celestia froze at that, caught between fury and horror.

"That's right. You did that, without any prompting from me. Now I know Sparkle better than you, she can't even conceive of you doing something so cruel for no reason, so she'll 'know' it's a punishment, or that she just wasn't good enough for your perfect plan. And she'll drive herself crazy trying to figure out what she did wrong, and how to make up for it to you." Discord looked at Celestia's appalled expression. "You know what's really sad. If anyone else on this entire planet screwed up that completely, they could admit they made a mistake, and ask forgiveness. But not you. And especially not with Sparkle. You don't make mistakes, you just do what has to be done, and the ponies who get the chop, well, it's all for a better, more harmonious Equestria, isn't it?"

Discord's words echoing in her head, Celestia bolted for the door and out into the corridor, intent on finding Twilight and finding some way to soothe her. After falling victim to her mentor's mistake.

Discord buffed his nails on his chest, then examined his reflection in them. "You know, this 'life-affirming chaos' stuff is almost more fun that the usual kind. I just wish it wasn't so much work." He sighed. "Ah well, Blueblood's job is open, and I seem to be doing it rather well."

36) Ice and Snow, With Plants

Cultural Artifacts - Ice and Snow, With Plants
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 70

The statue of the pony shuddered, then the skin of stone shattered and fell away, revealing a green and blue unicorn, who suddenly looked around worriedly. She picked herself up off the stone floor and let her eyes acclimate to the darkness.

"Well, Tear Twirler," the voice of her mentor sounded through the cavern. Dragons, dozens in the same blue-veined green rustled their wings at the sound, but the unicorn couldn't fix a location for the voice, "Has captivity dulled your senses, or has being in the proximity of too many ponies dulled your mind?"

The unicorn looked around, trying to decide which of the dragons had spoken. Then her eyes fell on the tree that dwarfed even the dragons in size. She extended a trembling forehoof towards the tree.

"Excellent, you have not lost all acumen," the tree told her, "But now you must be readied for a new mission. And I'm afraid that you are totally unsuitable."

"I regret not being able to adequately serve, master," Tear Twirler said and bowed. She controlled the trembling that would only have brought wrath.

"You misunderstand, you will perform the mission, but not as you are now. It seems I kept something from you," the tree told her, "Maybe now you can understand. You were never more than a fragment of me. A cutting of my root and branch as it were. Since my pony body produced only traitorous offspring, I decided to avoid mixing fluids with a male, and create from a pure source."

A light enveloped Tear Twirler. She screamed as her horn withdrew and she felt the pathways of magic shifting within her.

"And sometimes even favorite tools must be remade to fulfill a more important function," the tree told her, barely audible over her screams of agony as her body and self were shattered into a dozen pieces, each then shaped to a new purpose.

Lyra and Bonbon walked out of the ship's cabin, they leaned heavily against and nuzzled each other. Bonbon occasionally snickered at the grin Lyra wore. Both froze as Derpy approached. Lyra couldn't look at her, and Bonbon nervously shied.

"Hi," Bonbon said, and bowed her head.

"I'd say yes," Derpy said as she raised Bonbon's chin with a gentle hoof.

Bonbon and Lyra were stunned.

"It was okay?" Lyra blurted out.

"I'd say that's about right," Derpy said, "If it was good you'd be like." Derpy fluttered around upside-down near the ceiling. "If it was terrific, you'd be like." Derpy settled on the floor legs and wings splayed out and her tongue lolling out.

Bonbon and Lyra were blushing furiously.

"I meant is it all right?" Lyra said.

"I already said it was better than all right," Derpy said, "If it was all right then you -"

"THANK YOU," Bonbon said, then facehoofed, "All right, it was okay, and okay for you."

"It hasn't been okay for me in a while," Derpy said, and grinned at the furiously blushing pair.

"I thought he wasn't into ponies," Electric Cookie said as she arrived, "And do you want brunch? Seeing as though you're through feeding the crew. Thoroughly by the look of them."

"Oh, if he was into ponies, then it would be good or terrific, but when he isn't, it's okay," Derpy said.

"Does he give lessons? My husband could use some," Electric Cookie asked, and ignored Bonbon's attempts to cover her face with both forelegs while Lyra playfully nuzzled her marefriend.

"Oh, lessons are easy," Lyra said.

"Communication," Derpy said.

"Experimentation," Lyra added.

"And a safeword," Lyra and Derpy said together and giggled.

Bonbon looked at Lyra. "We didn't have a safeword."

Lyra kissed Bonbon's forehead. "You had a spotter."

Bonbon grimaced. "You wouldn't have 'spotted' a buffalo in a tutu dancing on your muzzle."

"No, for you I would have," Lyra said and kissed her again.

Bonbon blushed and kissed her back.

"I think I understand the bit about feeding the crew now," Electric Cookie said, "Does he - with Sapphire?"

"No, she'd pop," Derpy said, "But Luna on the other hoof."

"Pop like in pop?" Electric Cookie asked then pointed at Lyra and Bonbon, "Or pop like in pop?"

"Pop like in pop," Lyra said, "And keep popping. So until we get the Empire rescued, the Crystal Heart in place, and figure out the effects on Changelings, she's not even okay or all right."

"Okay," Electric Cookie said, "I'd be happy if my husband was okay."

"You'd be ecstatic if he was okay," Derpy assured her, "You'd be happy if he was all right."

Electric Cookie nodded and sighed. "Now, about brunch."

Celestia had taken far longer to untangle the mess with Twilight. He was right, every time I tried to admit error, Twilight made it her fault for not being good enough, she thought as she trotted as fast as propriety allowed, What disaster has he cooked up in court?

Her greeting to the guard was perfunctory, but they opened the door. Strangely, they only opened it a crack, so she could look in, and not be seen. She was terribly uneasy about what she saw.

There was no bedlam or chaos. The nobles were reviewing the cases, and bringing them to the throne. Her throne was occupied by a poster of her waving, and the legend 'Your Princess is in another castle.' Luna's throne was unoccupied and the Lunar Alicorn seemed as stunned as the suppliants were. Woona was there, looking like a Celestia-sized Luna. She was running through the details of the dispute, legal precedents and shocking all with the depth of her knowledge. She'd get a nod on the correctness of her conclusions from the suppliants, the senior noble, and then with Luna, approved the solution.

Celestia was utterly stunned at the smooth operations of the entire court, and the effective introduction of Woona as Luna's replacement. The door closing shocked her a little, she'd wanted to keep watching.

"Luna and Woona are doing fine, so is Equestria," Discord said, the guard's helmet ill-fitting on his head, "Someone who is your sole responsibility needs you a lot more."

Celestia was caught in a whirlwind, made worse that Discord seemed to be the firm rock on which the whole world was revolving. "What would you have me do?" she asked.

"Take off that silly costume, and be who you need to be for once," Discord said, setting aside the helmet and guard's uniform, "There's a person who desperately needs you a lot more than the state needs you right now."

"Twilight," Celestia said, "This hasn't been easy on her."

"She's your apprentice, you don't want what Vladimir and the Big Guy said to you to be true, then treat her as a friend, and not as a talented lackey. Someone told me once 'That friendship isn't always easy. But there's no doubt it's worth fighting for.' Odd that not learning that lesson has cost you far more than it ever cost me."

Celestia bowed her head. "Do as you will," she said.

"A wedding is inappropriate at this juncture, but a picnic is fine."

"A wedding?" Celestia gasped as they vanished.

And reappeared in the courtyard of the old Castle of the Pony Sisters. Twilight was with them, and Discord had a huge picnic basket under one arm. He spread a large blanket on the stone floor. A moment later, Zecora and Fluttershy entered.

"Hello?" Fluttershy called, then spotted them, "Oh, you brought them. Tom said you would."

"Have I ever lied to you?" Discord asked then turned to Celestia and Twilight, "To Fluttershy, I've lied to both of you plenty of times."

"No, you haven't," Fluttershy said and she approached the blanket, she started to bow, when Discord interrupted.

"Ah, ah! She's not wearing her hat, so she's not really a princess right now," Discord said as he picked up Fluttershy and set her next to Celestia, then he teleported Twilight beside Celestia on the other side. "Better, just friends on a picnic, girls' day out style."

"What of you, Mister Hoodoo do?" Zecora asked.

"Mortal enemies, works the same," Discord said and shrugged, "After the latest disasters in Canterlot diplomacy, I think our two ladies will want to hear about an unqualified success."

"It's not 'unqualified'," Fluttershy said, "But they are sending roots out to the tree that was the Alicorn Amulet. They are at least willing to talk."

"Fluttershy, that's wonderful," Twilight said, regaining some of her usual sparkle.

"I couldn't have done it without Zecora and Tom," Fluttershy said, nodding to both and blushing slightly.

"Where did you get humus and wild honey?" Zecora asked as lifted the cover on the bowl that Discord had set in front of her, then each of the ponies.

"Same way your mom did, I made it," Discord said, "Pineapple with cottage cheese for Fluttershy."

"Don't you mean cottage cheese with pineapple?" Twilight asked.

"Not really," Fluttershy said as she uncovered the pineapple with the top cut off and the inside hollowed out to hold the cottage cheese.

"Crackers for her Highness," Discord said and removed the cover with a flourish, revealing the bowl heaping with soda crackers.

"Wouldn't her Majesty -?" Zecora began.

"Nope," Discord said, "What you can't have, is what you often really want. And 'something fancier' is the default option in Canterlot."

"It's fine," Celestia said, "Thank you, Discord."

He nodded.

"I'd feed you a book, but that would leave a bad taste in your mouth," Discord told Twilight, who frowned at him as he uncovered the bowl, "Gingered carrot and cabbage soup, careful, I made it really spicy."

Twilight tasted it, and turned plaid. "Perfect," came the strangled gasp.

While he roasted a hot dog on a stick over Twilight, he suggested, "Maybe you can ask your friend for a few crackers to break up in your soup." Discord winked at Celestia.

Twilight grinned and turned, and her face froze. She stared at Celestia and desperately tried to put the simple sentence together, and get it out of her mouth. She was utterly failing.

A tiny Discord kicked Celestia on the ear.

"Twilight, I'll trade you some of my crackers for some of your soup," Celestia said, and was relieved when Twilight managed to nod.

Discord set a bowl between them and a small plate. The transfer made, he sat back, and became aware of the raised eyebrows on the zebra sitting beside him. He struggled with a smirk, and failed. But the same little Discord kicked him in the back of the head. "Friends do for each other," he said quietly, then turned and gazed at his smug simulacrum.

Celestia and Twilight stared at him goggle-eyed and their manes were completely disheveled. Discord merely looked at them and shrugged.

Fluttershy glanced up at Celestia, then she explained what she'd talked about and how she'd helped the former Alicorn Amulet and the surviving trees start a dialog. "I don't know if they'll be friends after all this time. But they might be," she told them, "I also told them I was a pony." She bowed her head and picked at her food. "That seemed to frighten them, until I explained I was the great, great, great descendant of those who attacked them. They seemed to find the idea ludicrous, but accepted I believed it. I can't imagine what they would have thought if I told them the whole truth."

"A week ago, I would have put down their assumptions as pure fantasy," Twilight said, as she glanced worriedly at Discord, "Now I'm not so sure. They may even be accurate."

"That's terrible," Fluttershy said, "Are the librarians really that mean?"

She sighed sadly. "You have no idea," Twilight said.

Discord nodded as he set up a pink cloud over a punch bowl with a dipper and cups. The cloud rained chocolate milk into the punch bowl and Discord served, ladling out a cupful to each of the equines.

"So are my house and Sparkle's, their long lost family?" Zecora asked as she accepted the cup and drank without hesitation, "Or are they only hollowed out, and just another tree?"

"I don't know," Fluttershy admitted as she took a sip, and drank the rest down in a gulp, then sheepishly looked at Discord who refilled her cup, "And I'm kind of scared to find out. When talking with them, I feel like I'm falling into that, like a great, big hole and falling forever. Them thinking and talking to me pushes me back. If those trees are asleep, or worse, empty, I'm not sure I could come back."

"Then don't do it," Discord said as he refilled everyone's cup, "You're more important than this mission. Let the trees do it if it needs to be done."

Fluttershy nodded eagerly. Discord again looked up at Celestia as she and Twilight stared at him in stunned amazement.

"You're letting your soup get cold," he told them.

The pony looked up at the tree, then glanced around and saw the others, indistinguishable from her, save that some were earth ponies, some pegasi and the rest unicorns. She recognized the expressions on the familiar faces, one of realization.

The tree laughed. "Did you expect me to destroy you?"

Tear Twirler stared at the tree.

"You were never my cleverest servant. But you have always been my most faithful," the tree told her.

"But, am I not a pony?" Tear Twirler asked and gasped as she saw dozens of much older, even ancient versions of herself entering the cavern.

"No. Ponies fade far too swiftly," the tree said, "Although the alicorns last too long. So I created the perfect 'in-between'. I'll admit that I stole an idea from my traitorous spawn, but you aren't ready to learn how to be all you can be."

Tear Twirler looked around, and she asked, in the voice of Legion, "What are we to do next?"

"Many things," the tree said.

Bonbon entered the bridge of the ancient battleship and glanced around nervously. The Big Guy noticed her and waved her in. "Uhm," she began, "I've got a bit of a personal question, if you don't want to answer it that's ok - understandable."

"Go ahead and ask," the Big Guy said, the ship was running smoothly and nothing needed his immediate attention.

"Uh, is Princess Luna, okay?" Bonbon asked, she bowed her head as if ashamed of asking.

The Big Guy nodded, remembering getting the nervous alicorn settled into her quarters and shipboard routine. Selene had been calmer about the whole thing. "She'll be all right once she settles in, but she's good."

"She's good," Bonbon lifted her head and said. She paused a long time before asking, "What about Celestia?"

"She's all right," he told her, and wondered at the mare's expression, "She's used to having her sister around, but Woona's taking that role."

"But she's okay, with Luna?" Bonbon asked.

"Frankly she's not all right with Luna, but she'll get used to it," the Big Guy said, "Maybe she'll eventually be okay with it."

"Eventually be okay," Bonbon said, with an expression usually reserved for kindergartners hearing quantum mechanics. Disbelief and utter confusion.

Diarchal worship? the Big Guy wondered, Or ponies' need for stability?

"How is Cadence?" Bonbon asked.

Definitely alicorns, he thought.

"You'll have to ask Shining Armor," he told her.

She facehoofed. "Right, right."

"Are you and Lyra okay?" he asked.

"NO," Bonbon blurted out, "I mean, no, we're good. We're really, really good. No complaints."

"I thought the pregnancy might be causing some problems," he offered.

"No, we're good," Bonbon said, "Thank you again for that. It was something we always wanted. After we got it, it was terrific."

"Glad to hear it," he said, and watched Bonbon depart. He glanced around at the changeling crew, and for once wished he could 'see' emotions so he could figure out what that was about.

Bonbon walked back into the quarters she was sharing with Lyra. She was glad Derpy was there, and no one else was. " 'Luna's okay, but Celestia's all right'," Bonbon said, her horror plain for everypony to see.

"Well, that does explain why Luna's here, and Celestia isn't," Lyra said.

"Is that why Princess Celestia is so hostile?" Derpy said, "Although when he would have found out, I don't know." Her face screwed up with concentration.

"He was only out of your sight for a little while?" Lyra asked, "Maybe that's all the time it took to find out she was all right, and that's why she's just all right."

"I can't believe it, Celestia, all right," Bonbon said.

"Of course she's all right," Sapphire said as she entered the cabin, "Dinner's in a little while, the Big Guy and Luna are dining in her room."

"You know Celestia's all right?" Lyra asked.

"I checked this morning," Sapphire said, "Before we left. She was asleep, but she was all right." The changeling queen looked at the mares. "What's got you three so agitated? Celestia's all right, Luna's okay, heck even Chrysalis was okay."

"Chrysalis is okay, not good?" Lyra asked.

"She got turned into a baby, of course she's not good!" Bonbon shouted.

Lyra facehooved. "Right, right, bad image."

Sapphire looked at them and backed out of the cabin.

"Princess Celestia, all right," Bonbon said, "She's so beautiful, I would have thought she'd be okay."

"She's beautiful to us," Derpy said, "But the ponies he really likes are kind and gentle to him. She wasn't. Even you wanted what was best for him."

"Well, yeah," Bonbon said as she scuffed at the deck with a hoof.

"You were jealous," Lyra said and nuzzled her marefriend.

"You forget, maybe Princess Celestia has been alone for a long time. Maybe it's been so long, she . . . forgot, so she's all right and not okay," Derpy said.

"How do you forget?" Bonbon asked.

"A thousand years?" Derpy said, "I know what nobles will do to get what they want. Princess Celestia is a lot smarter than me, she probably said 'no' a lot."

"Did you ask about Discord?" Lyra asked and waggled her eyebrows.

"And if he said she was terrific?" Bonbon asked.

All of them reacted to that. "Let's quit talking about it while we still have an appetite," Derpy suggested. The others nodded.

'Colonel Vladimir' yanked open the hatch cover where 'strange scratching' had been reported. Glorious Mystery looked up from his quill and parchment at dozens of spears and angry soldiers.

"Uhm, hi," he said and drew back.

"What are you doing here?" Green Grass demanded, not lowering her spear a whit.

"He's a spy," Blueblood said, "For Celestia, the Griffon Kingdom or both is what's hard to tell."

"What makes you think I'm working for Celestia?" the griffon asked as he looked at the 'Colonel Vladimir' with an odd expression, as if seeing him for the first time.

"Only one of Celestia's spies would hide in a black-water trunk," Vladimir said.

Mystery looked at the pipe he was hiding in and then at Vladimir in confusion. "Can you say that in Equestrian?"

"Water you drink is potable, water down the sink after washing is gray water," Vladimir told him, "And water that goes down the toilet is black water. The hatch is clearly labeled. My team labeled it."

Mystery gingerly stepped out of the pipe and the hatch was closed and rebolted after him. "It didn't smell like black water."

"It's never been used," Vladimir replied, "That still doesn't explain what you are doing aboard this ship." He stomped a hoof for emphasis.

The griffon shrugged. "Spying on you. After all, this ship tips the balance of power. The two, senior alicorns were neutralized, and this ship and crew did most of the fighting. The Griffon Kingdom is very interested, Celestia requested the help."

Vladimir shrugged. "Put him on the next transport back to Equestria," Vladimir said, "He can tail Cadence and Shining Armor, their antics will be far more entertaining."

"Wait!" Mystery called, "You might need me. My skills as a linguist and cryptographer may come in handy."

Vladimir considered, then shook his head. "The - no, send him back now," Vladimir said, "Everything we're going to do was laid out before Princesses Celestia and Luna, try your winning ways on them. If they haven't shared with anyone, which may let you deduce why I'm leaving." Vladimir gestured for them to take the griffon away.

Sweetie Belle looked at the tree swaying and twisting with not a breath of wind, and turned to an equally confused Applebloom. "Is it supposed to be doing that?"

"Never saw Zap Apple trees doin' that," Applebloom said.

"Maybe we should tell someone?" Scootaloo asked as she watched the ground heave like a mole tunnel straight towards the Ponyville Library.

"Great idea!" Sweetie Belle said.

"Who?" Applebloom asked.

Spike cringed suddenly and looked around the library. "I thought someone called my name."

Twilight looked miserable. "I failed. I let Discord trick me into bringing those awful ponies from the past," Twilight said, "Most of them have more magic than I could ever hope to master, and they are so anti-harmonious, even Discord is revolted by them. And I did it."

The others started chuckling.

"I didn't fool anyone," Discord said, "I gave a gift with a heavy price attached." He looked at Celestia. "Someone might have mentioned what those people were like, but your yearly festival should have warned you."

"Discord, that wasn't very nice," Fluttershy said.

"I did it to teach you all a little bit about Celestia. How she became a monster hunter, and above all how patient she's been all her life," Discord said.

"How?" Twilight asked.

"Because the first monster she dealt with wasn't me, nor Tirek, nor Sombra, nor Nightmare, nor the Lorax, nor the IRS," Discord said, and looked right at Twilight, "It was your ancestors." He savored the horrified expression on Fluttershy's and Twilight's faces, Celestia looked sour, and Zecora looked like she wanted to say something, but was holding her tongue. "You are having a hard time with a handful. Imagine dealing with thousands. You really believe in that 'friendship-stuff' and you want to give up. She had no choice and no one to hand the job off to. You've underestimated her, as have others. I just wanted to highlight that point."

Twilight looked guiltily at Celestia, who nervously pawed the ground in response. "I should try harder," Twilight murmured, and had a tiny Discord kick her in the ear.

"No one likes a spotlight stealer," Discord said and banished the imp. "Wrong answer Stalactite, if you're gonna hang around here, you need to try again."

Twilight nearly growled at the draconequus as he made beckoning gestures. "I need to ask for help," she ground out.

Discord planted a sticker on her forehead that looked like Celestia's cutie mark. "Gold star," he said, "Now, can you think of what kinds of friends you need? And since this is advanced placement, I'll give you a hint: morphology."

Twilight's eyes strayed over to Zecora. And Discord stuck another Celestia sticker on Twilight's head.

"Twilight! Twilight!" "Fluttershy! Fluttershy!" "Alley-alley-oxen-free!"

The picnickers stared in the direction of the commotion. The Crusaders, Spike and the rest of the Elements of Harmony raced into the old castle. All of them froze and bowed at sighting Celestia.

Celestia was about to admonish them, when Discord whispered, "Let them, they're disturbed enough."

"Twilight!" Applebloom said as she approached, "It was the tree, it started 'wee-woo'." She waved her forehooves in the air. "And them the ground started heaving up, and all these spiky roots, but they turned into normal roots, and then they buried themselves again, but we saw lots near your house, and a lot headed over here."

"Black vines, with thick thorns, like giant rose bush stems," Discord asked, his ears back and actually looking concerned.

When Applebloom nodded, Discord let out an angry shout, "That's insufferable sneak! I knew I couldn't trust him!" Discord began pacing. The others looked on with concern. "How could he know? He could have known? Nobody knew but me." Discord stopped and stared. "No, when I was inside, he read my mind. Good reading but he couldn't have figured out . . . "

There was a rumbling under the castle. And as Celestia realized the direction it was heading, her expression of horror matched Discord's.

"No," she whispered and galloped deeper into the castle. The rest of the group followed.

"What's going on?" Dash demanded,

"We shall find out," Discord said as he raced after Celestia. They headed down a set of stairs and into a natural cavern.

They arrived at a grotto, with a tree growing in it. Here and there, the ground heaved up, and the black, thorny vines writhed, before becoming green and supple, and burying themselves in the ground.

"My plunder vines! He's coopted my plunder vines!" Discord shrieked, and collapsed onto Rarity's fainting couch.

"What is that?" Twilight asked as Celestia approached the radiant tree, "And why are those holes shaped like our cutie marks?"

"The Tree of Harmony," Celestia said, "And this was where Luna and I originally got the Elements." She held up a hoof to shade her eyes. "But it wasn't so bright before."

Fluttershy had been looking at the roots and at the tree. "Umm."

"We've got to do something!" Rainbow Dash said as she too retreated from the brightness of the tree.

"Tree of - TREE!" Applejack shouted and turned, "Applebloom!"

"Ah didn't think this would happen!" Applebloom replied, "How'd I know that apple tree would wanna talk to the other trees?"

"What?" Twilight asked as the entire group retreated out of the grotto while shading her eyes.

"The Big Guy's tree, Applebloom used Zap Apple pollen on it, and then this happened?" Applejack said, "That cain't be a coincidence."

"Excuse me," Fluttershy said.

"Maybe it wanted to be friends," Discord said, "With all the intelligent trees of Equestria. The Big Guy said the animals weren't intelligent. He was strangely silent about whether the plants were or not. For someone who liked to talk as much as he did . . . "

"He knew this would happen?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I think it's okay," Fluttershy said.

"Of course he knew," Discord said, "It was all a deep, dark plan to corrupt all my plunder vines to the cause of - blech! - Friendship."

"I knew it," Dash punched one hoof into another.

"Rainbow, no one knew," Twilight said, "What are we going to do about it? That's the question."

Discord tapped Fluttershy on the head.

"We gotta chop up these plunder vines," Dash insisted.

"If they're planted here, through the Everfree, and Ponyville - " Rarity began.

"All over Equestria," Discord added.

"Then we have a bigger problem," Rarity concluded.

"SILENCE YOU NATTERING FOALS!" Gray-Fluttershy said, then Discord tapped her again and she returned to her normal butter and pink coloring, "Thank you. I don't think it's a problem. No rumbling, everything's quiet. I think the Tree is enjoying having someone to talk to."

Everyone stopped to listen. There was a faint chiming coming from the tree, but aside from that the grotto was quiet.

"If answers you seek, on branch and limb; to the other trees, with vigor and vim," Zecora suggested.

"Excellent idea!" Discord said, "Sunglasses everypony!"

Very dark sunglasses appeared on everyone, and they appeared in the grove. Near the tree that had been the Alicorn Amulet. It was glowing, and in the distance, several other trees could be seen if the glasses were raised.

"Well, someone has been spectacularly thorough," Discord said angrily, "I bet he didn't leave even one."

"What are these 'plunder vines' you keep mentioning?" Celestia asked.

"Oh, a little contingency plan in case your Elements actually worked on me," Discord said, "They'd keep the Tree occupied, while I regained my freedom."

"And you didn't think this was worth mentioning?" Twilight asked.

"Not really," Discord admitted, and leaned down to face Twilight, "There are worse things than Chaos, Sparklettes."

"Like what?" Rarity asked.

"Apathy," Fluttershy said, "For all of Discord's tricks, he does care. Not caring at all is worse." Fluttershy gestured at the tree. "Our ancestors didn't care about these trees, and look what happened. I disapprove of Discord's tricks, but he has been trying to help, in his own way. Sometimes it hurts to help."

"More that strictly necessary," Spike added, "But if the trees are talking again, what are they saying? And what about Twilight's home, and Zecora's?"

"We could," Discord said and then took up a thoughtful pose.

' We could?' everypony said.

"Go look," Discord replied and they appeared amid Ponyville's nonpanicking population. The glow from the library wasn't as intense as the glow from the other trees, and the apple tree that had started it was also softly glowing.

"No riots! No screaming! No looting! It must have mind-controlled them all!" Discord wailed.

Occasionally a pony would gallop up to the library, shrug and walk away. The group headed in that direction. Carved in the door was a clear message. 'Experiment underway, don't mind the lights.'

Rarity snickered, while Rarity and Rainbow covered their smirks with their hooves. "Face it Sugarcube," Applejack said, "After the last couple months, the panicky'll panic, but everypony else jist takes it in stride."

Twilight frowned and looked at Pinkie who'd been strangely quiet and subdued. "Pinkie, are you okay?"

"Just practicing," Pinkie said and bounced over to Twilight, "See, I found out that quiet works for friends too, and if being quiet lets you all be better friends, then the trees must be being quiet to be better friends and that means we'll soon be able to be better friends with them, and since it was kinda your and my fault for being loud and all that the Big Guy had such a rough start, cause he thought friends could be quiet together, weird huh, but it worked and so if being quiet worked with him, then being quiet might work with the trees, since Fluttershy being kinda quiet around them helped them, and the Big Guy's tree must have been like him or else it wouldn't have been his tree, he would have planted something else, so you got two votes for quiet and none against I decided to try it and it seems to be working, although the Tree of Harmony was making a little noise, so many a little noise would be good." Pinkie grinned.

"Well g'night y'all," Applejack said as she herded Applebloom away, "If they's talkin' ta the Zap Apple trees at Sweet Apple Acres, maybe they'll be in a talkative mood in the mornin'."

Twilight opened her mouth, but looked at Celestia's and Discord's expressions. She took a deep breath, and let it out. "Goodnight Applejack, Applebloom, everyone." She carefully opened the library's door and walked in with Spike trailing her.

"Now, tell me about these plunder vines?" Celestia said, and smiled at Discord.

The rest of the ponies made themselves scarce.

Selene stepped out of the Big Guy's lap. She was still staring at the television he'd set up in their quarters. "Did all that weird stuff he talks about make that guy's mane that way?"

"His hair? No, aliens did it," the Big Guy said, "Like I said, that's the kind of people who believed in magic back home. 'Not with modern machinery could we place stones with that accuracy'. We did it with stuff a lot more fragile than stones, and to greater precision," the Big Guy said, "While their conclusions were all wrong, it is a good catalog of the weird stuff that happened on my homeworld."

Selene shook herself. "Is that why all this stuff doesn't bother you? You're used to weird?"

"I'm used to having to make critical decisions on short notice with enormous consequences," he told her and scratched her behind the ears with one hand, while he did the same to Luna with the other, "So a lot of the things I've faced aren't as difficult as they are to people not used to having to make those decisions. But tomorrow, we start having to coordinate lots of difficult pieces and get them all to work together. That's where the fun begins."

"You have an interesting definition of 'fun'," Luna said as she raised her head to press harder against his fingers, "But I do admit, the plan doesn't lack audacity. But whether it will work is the question."

"It's all about buying time to come up with something better," the Big Guy said, "After all, none of this will complete the job, until we hit that sucker with everything."

Luna nodded, then caught Selene's yawn. "Time for bed," she told the filly.

"Yeah, lots to do tomorrow," the little alicorn said.

"What makes you think you're going to be part of it?" Luna asked.

"Because we can't do it without her. Every bit of power will help, and she can transmit the power of the Changelings better than Fragrance can," the Big Guy said, "So while we're standing in the cold, she'll be with the Changelings getting the wall."

Luna frowned. She didn't like involving Selene, but the very arguments she'd used had been turned back on her with references to her treatment at Celestia's hooves a millennium ago. Said treatment had made her so resentful she'd given in to Nightmare Moon.

"Well, I need to do some work," Luna said, "Turning over that part of my job to Woona was never part of the agreement."

"Enjoy," the Big Guy said and picked up Selene, who giggled at that, "I'll get her ready for bed."

Luna watched and wondered, If we'd stuck with the original plan, Fluttershy and Derpy, how would things have shaken out?

She put the thoughts aside and moved to another room so she could begin dream walking. Many ponies hadn't completely recovered from the Changeling Invasion. Oddly, those most active in the defense had already recovered and their nightmares were on familiar subjects. Applejack on the fate of the farm. Pinky Pie on having her inventions discovered and everyone laughing at her. And so on. It was the ponies of the capital who'd done nothing to defend themselves whose nightmares require her greatest attention.

Day 71

The winds were brutal, and being completely alone didn't help. The stake, a '6-foot' iron rod, was in the ice, and Celly awaited the next step. The arrival of a chunk of ice a mile high, two miles thick and 80 miles long. It required exact placement, so Celly had to be here, and so did the stake. Luna, Woona, Fragrance, Vladimir, the Big Guy, and Glory Belle. Vladimir had a bit of a conniption when he'd discovered she, Holly Hock and Forget-me-not had been added to the 'staff'. Electric Cookie and the Big Guy had settled things, they needed the expertise, and better to have the spy you knew, than the spy/saboteur you didn't.

And I keep remembering those things so I won't remember what's just a few miles away, Celly thought, and shuddered not at the cold and wind, but being this close to the Shmooze, and being utterly helpless against it, I wonder if we could adjust Sombra's spell, and put it back to sleep again. She stamped a hoof. No, that's what got us into this mess in the first place. We have a problem, we have to deal with the problem, not foist it off on someone else in the future. That's the lesson Celestia hasn't learned, and I have to keep from slipping into. You deal with problems.

She couldn't see the next ponies in the line of 'rod-watchers' who would provide the target for the 'wall-launchers', because both were 10 miles away and the windy air had enough snow in it that even she couldn't peer through the distance. She waited, watched, checked the sun and wished the launch team would hurry up, instead of sticking to the timetable. I want to be out of here, with a bulwark between us and that thing, she thought.

Sapphire looked at Tom and Discord, the two fillies, and the immense number of Changelings assembled. Their power was manifest, the precision was what was taking the time. Ironically, Selene and the Changeling Empress were the leaders there. Dinky provided the link to the Big Guy and Celly, Selene did the same with Woona and Luna. That gave the end points and the center of the curve. The other awaiting the arrival of over 600 billion tons of ice would have to be patient, even Discord wasn't eager to 'wing it' on this try.

"We've got them?" Tom asked, Discord was to busy pacing and muttering to himself.

"Still locked on," Selene said.

"Strong on our end points and at the apex," Dinky said, "Between is a little hazier."

"Good enough that we won't squash them," Selene assured Tom, and Discord.

Derpy flew up to hover beside Discord, rubbing his nose with a forehoof. "You'll do fine," she assured the draconequus, "And just think about how everyone will react when they hear about it." When he paused, she stroked his ear. Derpy had been stunned when the Big Guy warned her that Discord might be frightened by the task. She remembered her incredulity at Discord of all beings to be frightened of anything.

'He's afraid of losing, and in losing the mission, he's afraid of losing his friends', she remembered.

She took a different tack. "Just do you best. This is a temporary measure, and if it's not perfect, we'll come up with something else. It's not like we'll be lacking in ice and snow."

Discord turned and nodded, looking more comfortable and confident. Derpy checked her watch. "Seventy seconds, is everyp - everybody ready?" she called. She and the Big Guy had synchronized watches, so each group would act at exactly the same time.

"Standing by," Tom and Sapphire said, almost in unison.

Derpy nodded and watched the timer count down. "60. 45."

"Thirty second warning," she shouted.

"20. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1."

For the first time in a thousand years, the ancient city and the Changeling tunnels were exposed to sunlight and fresh air. The air that rushed in to fill the hole was warm, even inviting. There were few clouds and those were high cirrus, wispy and delicate.

Derpy marveled at the huge hole they'd bored through the massive ice cap. Hotaru and her wolf-friend were looking after an exhausted Discord. Green Grass was doing the same with Tom. She shook herself after a moment, remembering part of the job. "Status?" she asked Selene and Dinky.

The two fillies tried to keep a straight face, but were struggling. "The air displacement was more violent than expected," Dinky said, then dissolved in giggles.

Derpy wondered what the wind resulting from having that much ice appear would have been like. Worse than expected, she thought.

"Okay, have them come on home," Derpy said, "We've all done enough for one morning." She considered flying out there herself. With her new wings and stronger magic she might have been able to do it. But having the alicorns bring the team home was safer.

Grass Light looked at the mare who'd 'rescued' his officers from the asylum Celestia had been holding them in. She seemed too cold to be anything but a professional. "Not to seem ungrateful, but nopony pulls the strings you have to get us out," he said and looked at his officers, "And doesn't demand something in return."

"What you do from this point on, is your business," the mare said, apparently ignoring that she'd been surrounded, and none of these ponies were the nonviolent, lightweights most ponies were, "But I think we have one area of interest in common."

"What's that?" he asked as several of his officers moved into position to jump the mare if she tried anything.

"The one who orchestrated your incarceration," the mare said, "My employer doesn't like him much either."

Grass Light waved the others back. "Shining Uptight Armor isn't my favorite pony, but taking on the Chief of the Equestrian Royal Guard? That's a suicide mission, even if his sister wasn't Celestia's latest, special bed warmer."

"He's been replaced, and it isn't he who planned this out. But one who's made a habit of hiding in plain sight. Vladimir Blueblood."

He twisted his head, to try and see which way the world had shifted. "That fop!?" Grass Light asked.

"That fop gave Armor the authority to arrest you, he arranged for your capture by the bandits, he obtained the evidence to discredit your most powerful employers so they couldn't release you on their own, and all while remaining invisible to anyone looking," the mare said, "He fooled even Celestia, and has now renounced his ties with Equestria and hitched his wagon to the Big Guy's star, and that worthy has also left Equestria."

"I'm listening," Grass Light said.

"The spells that held the Crystal Empire apart from the rest of the world are fading. Vladimir has amassed considerable magical talent and intends to bring them down early," the mare said, "That's not in anyponys' best interest. Can you imagine an actually smart Blueblood ruling an entire nation of ponies who've only known slavery? Celestia's plan was to place Cadence on the throne. Blueblood threatens that."

"So if we give her his head on a platter, she may see clear to pardoning us," Grass Light said and smiled.

"Why not keep it yourself?" the mare asked, "Sombra had soldiers, bullymares and stallions to enforce his will. With them either defeated or convinced to join your ranks, why bother to hand the land to anyone?"

"So what's in it for you?" Grass Light asked, "I get to be king, what do you get?"

"Blueblood's head on a platter, and the death of the Ponyville Monster," the mare said, "In return. I'm authorized to give you the antidote to the poison they've been testing you for." The mare smiled at their amazement. "It's a simple thing, if you know the trick. And who do you think taught him that trick?"

"Okay, so, we take out Blueblood, and the Ponyville Monster, and we just walk into this ancient kingdom, and keep it?" Grass Light said, "There's gotta be a catch."

"You have to wait until he's freed the kingdom, and you have to complete your job before Cadence arrives to contest the throne," the mare told them, and she finally smiled, "You get to keep what you earned, nothing more. We just want to give you a chance to earn it."

"Deal," Grass Light offered his hoof, and the mare took it and shook. The smiles from both would have warmed Pinkie's heart. But not the Colonel-General's.

Tear Twirler watched the puppet that had been sent shake the stallion's hoof. She turned to her master. "He agreed, but we aren't going to let him hold the Empire?"

"Only until the Crystal Heart can be put in place. With what that stallion and his cronies feel, they'll taint all of Equestria with their bigotry. The peace among the tribes will be over and Celestia will be too busy dealing with feuding ponies to cast her eyes northward, while I complete what that fool botched."

"Ascending to alicorn status won't let you defeat Celestia," Tear Twirler reminded her.

"I just have to be strong enough that she can't challenge me without it costing her far more than she'd get out of it," her master told her, "But keep thinking, with so many piece in play, even I need loyal help to keep them all moving as I design."

"Yes," Tear Twirler said as she felt her other selves going about their own business. It bothered her that the dozen or so simulacra she'd dispatched to Ponyville had vanished from her awareness, but she had more important things to investigate.

Twilight woke, and slipped out of bed. The brilliant glow that had suffused the library had faded as she and Spike had gotten ready to go to sleep. Now it returned, weakly at first, as if it were letting her acclimate. Below, was the next cause of concern. The vines grew out of every bookshelf. They seemed to select a book, scan it, and then replace it in the shelves. As if they were trying to read the entire contents of the library.

A letter to Princess Celestia confirmed that the same was taking place in the Canterlot Archives, and the 'foreign' Apples had come to see her about the apple tree outside sending roots in to read the Big Guy's books. Twilight wasn't sure if they should stop it, or how the tree would react if they tried. Especially if they tried and failed. Celestia was taking a 'wait and see' approach, and Twilight wasn't ready to argue.

She felt rather than heard Spike approach.

"Still at it?" he asked.

"Still at it," she replied, "And I don't know what's going to happen when they run out of books."

"Twilight, you remember a few days ago?" he asked, and when she nearly blurted it out, he covered her muzzle with his paws, "Good, you remember. Any word on those?"

Twilight felt a panic rising, and breathing exercises only brought her back so far.

"Spike, take a letter. 'Princess Celestia,' uhm, ah, 'our expedition recently, has anyone checked on the condition of what we got? Immediate 'yes' or 'no' reply requested. Your student, Twilight Sparkle'," she said and watched Spike dispatch the scroll.

"I added a note that the walls have ears, er, branches," Spike said, "So she'll know why 'yes' or 'no'. Have we checked the castle? There are, ah, stuff there too."

While Twilight considered, he continued, "Should we tell anyone else about this?" Spike asked, "Princess Cadence? The royal guard? Discord?"

"Cadence is off on a mission, and I think Discord is otherwise occupied," Twilight said, "I think we're okay, as long as no one wants to check a book out from the library." She chuckled, but it sounded forced even to her, and Spike absolutely wasn't buying it.

"How is he?" the Big Guy asked Derpy as she emerged from Discord's bedroom.

"I think he's sleeping, really sleeping," Derpy said as she settled beside the Big Guy and snuggled against him.

"I put wards around him to keep anyone from eavesdropping on his dreams," Selene said, "And to keep anything he dreams inside." She looked at the Big Guy who'd arrived with the other alicorns and the rest of the 'pole-watching' team a few minutes ago. "What happened, you look like you lost a hoof-fight?"

"I compensated for the wind that would be generated by displacing 160 cubic miles of air," the Big Guy admitted, "I just didn't realize there'd be all that loose material. Most of the areas we picked were hard-packed. But the areas in between the survey points had pockets of loose ice and snow."

"You got snow blasted," Derpy chuckled, "I thought only I made mistakes like that."

"I had a spiderhole built in case it happened, so did everyone else, but I wasn't prepared for most of the stuff to come from directly above. It was like being in a hail storm."

Derpy snuggled closer. "You're also freezing. Are you sure you don't want to . . . warm up . . . first?" she asked and smiled shyly.

He kissed her forehead. "Yes, but I can't. Whatever Cadence has planned, it depends on us staying on schedule, and we've no easy way to put Trixie on hold, we need to keep to the schedule so we can complete our work. I will accept a few hours' rest. I think everyone will be better if we finish the job late this evening."

"Our troops are ready, and we've been drilling the maneuver while you have been working on the magic," Green Grass said, "How exactly is this going to work?"

"The most ferocious enemy troops of my first war were only afraid of three kinds of troops: the Gurkhas, the U.S. Marines, and the Canadians. All three had hurt them pretty badly the last war. As ferocious as they were, they were bullies. They fought because they believed to lose was to die. Take away that, and like any other bully, you can break them. It's all a show of overwhelming force to break Sombra's troops. Once we have them on the run, our overwhelming force can capture them intact. Some might be able to be rehabilitated. Or use them as convict labor."

"I still think they're going to be more trouble than they're worth," the officer said.

"Then we lock them in a room with the ancient librarians and let two problems solve each other," the Big Guy said.

"I'm not sure Princess Celestia would approve of that," Derpy said.

"Just a suggestion, after all, ponies are all about peace and love and friendship," the Big Guy suggested innocently, Derpy and the officer snorted in disgust, "They wouldn't tear each other apart just because they were pig-headed bigots would they? Besides, they're all Earth Ponies. I don't think the Windingo thing works if they're all the same tribe."

"Somehow, I don't think they'd get along no matter what we did to soften the blow," the officer said, "What I'd like to know is what's Cadence's 'plan'."

"She's trying to earn her place at the table," the Big Guy said, "I'll leave it to you if she has, or not."

Derpy led him to another bedroom to rest until the moon rose. Then they'd have more work to do.

Cadence tried to remain calm as the dragon representative looked at her proposal and deeply considered it. She'd had butterflies before her wedding, and had a near-panic attack before the battle, but this was worse. Lower-intensity, but the knots in her stomach hurt worse. So much depended on her doing well, appearing to be placid, that too felt horrible.

With expert shape-shifting magic, the full-grown dragon was perhaps the size of the Big Guy. It would be easier if he was openly hostile, she thought as she sat in the diplomat's spartan office and tried to neither squirm on the elegantly understated seat, nor throw up from the tension on the extremely tasteful carpeting, It's going to work. You're ready for any counter-argument. The dragon queen owes the Big Guy a favor, maybe you can arrange for this to be it. This would seem to be his way. Stay calm, Cadence. Just like you taught Twilight.

"It is an unusual proposal," the representative said without raising his gaze from the papers, "And frankly, we'd be well rid of them." His expression soured as he looked at Cadence. "All they think about are toys," he confided.

Cadence nodded sympathetically and the tension drained out of her. Just smile and be sympathetic, she thought as she smiled and patted the dragon's forearm.

"I do wonder why you even want them," the dragon said never blinking, just staring at Cadence.

"They'll need to have representatives from all the major races," Cadence said, "And a few 'unusual' ones to get them used to the changes in the various races from a thousand years ago. I'll be talking to the Minotaurs and Diamond Dogs as well. The griffons have already agreed."

And if they've advanced their technology, I don't want to be accused of hoarding it, she thought.

"I understand you've been collecting unusual ponies as well," the dragon asked, "Are there any other class of ne'r do wells you'd care to relieve us of?"

"I will have a better idea when I arrive there," she said, her stomach clenched in a different way.

It shouldn't be this easy: depriving them of some of their citizens, she thought, but kept her expression placid.

"That leaves the real question," the dragon said as he briefly looked away, when he looked back, his expression had become more intense, "How do you know that this plan of Blueblood's will work? Lost for a thousand years, nothing the diarchs could accomplish, and these newcomers think they can overcome Sombra's spell so easily?"

"Sombra was still alive when they attempted it," Cadence said, "With him gone, and Tom backing their play, I think they may have the upper - hand."

The dragon's expression softened and he nodded. "But, it denies you the straightest route to the throne," he said.

"To be honest, I look forward to earning it," Cadence said, "Rather than getting it as a gift. Everyone else has earned theirs, I want to earn mine."

The dragon smiled knowingly. "True."

The Elements of Harmony had assembled in the anteroom of the Canterlot Royal Library. They and Celestia peered in at the ivy-encrusted bookshelves that dominated the area. "The vines, they're doing what you saw them doing in the Ponyville Library?" Celestia asked Twilight, who nodded.

"Nothin' against book learnin'," Applejack said, "But them trees got anypony I ever heard of beat for readin'."

Rarity raised an eyebrow at Spike, who shrugged in return.

"Fluttershy, did you check up on the other trees?" Celestia asked.

"Uh, no, should I go and do that?" the pegasus asked.

"No, I was just trying to determine if they were hostile, or not," Celestia said, "They haven't stopped any of the other patrons from taking the books out, but they seem to close in on any shelf the library tries to clear." She looked worriedly in the direction of the stored archive they'd recently rescued.

The others just nodded.

"Highness?" Pinkie asked, "Has anyone looked at Nistag's lab? The Alicorn Amulet certainly knows about it."

The Alicorn Princess looked suddenly stricken.

Shining Armor had watched most of the snow of the avalanche being cleared by ponies, or melted by Celestia's sun. But here was one of the few places no one had taken specific action to clear. The decision was not to decide, Shining thought, Considering what lay buried beneath these mounds, everyone wants to make certain they had frozen 'to death' before they are cleared of snow and disposed of. Yet nobody wants to go in with a few gallons of weedkiller and do the deed themselves.

Armor smirked at that. His smirk became a smile as he spotted Cadence trotting towards him. She seems happy, he thought.

"Everything go well?" he asked and gave her a peck on the cheek when she frowned.

"They seemed almost too eager to get rid of the people I was asking for," she said and looked in the direction of the complex housing the ancient librarians. "Have we really advanced so little?"

"Discord made everypony frightened of change. Is it a stretch to think that extended to all the other races," Armor said, "If it is working well-enough, don't fix it?"

"And it falls to a tiny handful of the 'unusual' to swoop in and save the save the rest of us," she said and frowned, "Doesn't that seem unfair? What did those mares get for having to put their lives on hold? Compensation? Training? A stained-glass window and then the out-of-sight/out-of-mind treatment. Rarity got more mileage out of telling off Blueblood than she does as a hero of Equestria umpteen-times over. Applejack can't expect any more help harvesting for what she sacrificed." She glanced at Armor. "I'm aware of the guard taking many of the same risks, and at more frequent intervals." She tapped the armor he still wore. "But they are trained and equipped to deal with it, and as cruel as it sounds, they all volunteered. They knew what they were getting into from the start. I heard the sergeants telling you about 'the long boredom, punctuated by moments of terror'. What training did Twilie get?"

Armor took her chin in his hoof. "You're taking this awfully personally," Armor said, "What's the real problem?"

"Do you think the nobles of Canterlot would hesitate for one moment to get rid of a neurotic student, an overly enthusiastic party-planner, a reclusive veterinarian, and a fashionista from the sticks with delusions of standing?" she asked, she wiped away the tears forming in her eyes, "If they weren't also the Elements of Harmony?" She broke down and hugged Armor. "I was ready to fight, implore and strategize hard to get the people we needed. Instead, everyone was eager to throw them away!" she sobbed as she nearly crushed Armor.

Glad the mane hides my grin, he thought as he held her and murmured that everything would be all right, Everypo - everybody is important to her. Sometimes I have to forget that, I'm glad she can't.

They stood that way for a while. After a few moments, Cadence released him, and got herself squared away. "Sorry, but it was getting to me. After the revelation about Blueblood not being a self-absorbed idiot, revealed by Rarity of all ponies, a lot of things started falling into place. I'm afraid I was taken in by his game, even when he was a child. I'm supposed to be better than that." She shook her head. "Canterlot's number-one foalsitter let a child who would have been Twilight's perfect companion, slip between my hooves, because I believed what I was told, rather than using my own eyes and heart to see."

Armor nodded. "I'm just as guilty. I saw a crack unit suddenly appear where there'd been a pack of 'also-rans' and never put two and two together. It seems that he managed to get them drilled up and first-class, without anyone ever realizing it. Even the soldiers themselves. Until they started getting ribbons in all the competitions. Then they attributed it completely but not completely correctly to their hard work." He looked at Cadence. "Is that what this is about, trying to find the middle ground between doing as Her Highness commands and not inflicting another insult on Blueblood?"

"Not an undeserved one at least," Cadence said, "I said he would have been perfect for Twilight. He's a terrible coward, and might have curbed some of her more - enthusiastic - early experiments."

"Does Celestia still have that tail-wig?" Armor asked.

Cadence nodded. Then as one the pair turned as something began heaving itself out of the snow. Four of the mounds broached, and the odd plant dragons raised themselves up and snapped the dozens of tendrils that had attached to them. All four launched themselves into the air and flew away, in formation, and headed north.

"The Crystal Empire," Cadence whispered and took off at a gallop.

Armor fell in behind. "Rainbow Dash? Is she fast enough to reach them in time?"

"Is there anyone faster?" Cadence asked.

Armor doubted they could get someone faster over sustained distance in the time they had.

Octavia set her bow aside and watched as the conductor considered the alien music they had been practicing all morning. She noted that Trixie was watching them with her partner, they were whispering to each other and considering.

"I heard they used a theater orchestra for a similar trick down south," her fellow cellist whispered, she nearly squealed, "Imagine, us winning a battle! By playing!"

"All right everyone, from the top," the conductor called, "And I know what a catchy tune it is, but stop with the hoof-tapping. You are all professionals, and it's distracting."

There was some grumbling as everyone prepared.

Hoof-tapping, Octavia thought, I'm ready to gallop to this song. She heard the brass fanfare, and prepared.

Green Grass blew her whistle and the troops performed the maneuver. She couldn't train the entire Changeling force, but if she trained all the 'sergeants', the others would get it automatically. The maneuver was simple, the center pony in the line trotted forward, and when his or her hip passed the shoulder of the ponies to the left and right, they'd begin trotting forward. The trick was at the second whistle, the entire formation that was moving, no matter where, would break into a gallop and the others would start off galloping.

"Okay, back to places, that was better, but let's get it completely right," she shouted over the drumming hooves, "Remember, the point is to get the enemy to abandon their positions and break. We aren't going to do that looking like a Future Farmers of Equestria parade."

There was grumbling, but the unit was quickly back in formation and ready.

TWEET!

The central pony started forward, a pony and a changeling moved correctly, more, and more, then she blew again. This was the trick part. The line lost some cohesion and there was a bit of confusion as ponies and changeling mentally prepared to trot, and suddenly had to gallop.

It was acceptable, but she wasn't about to let them know.

"Hold it!" the Big Guy said as he entered. Perfect use of the 'parade ground voice' as he entered. "Colonel, I think it might make a difference if they heard what they're going to be moving off to." He raised a large, black box that would have been mistaken for a tool box, if not for all the knobs and switches.

"All right you heard the man, form up. Ears open, mouths shut!" she called and they were soon surrounded.

"Hear it goes," he said, and smirked at the pun.

The piece definitely did make your hooves want to start moving. It was short, but she could feel the places where the moves would take place. He touched a control and the piece started again.

"Discord will be playing this fanfare, he's been working on the horn a while, but I kinda doubt even he's got that much wind," the Big Guy said, "Here's the trot. One, two more, two more, two more, two more, two more, two more. Gallop."

Green Grass saw the looks on the faces of her troops. I think the music will carry them. I can barely keep from running around myself.

"What happens if they're still running when the song ends?" one of the changeling queens asked.

"Use your imagination. Just imagine your whole formation charging out of the sun, down a slope at them, with that playing in the background," the Big Guy said.

And predator grins all around, Green Grass thought of the faces around her.

"This will be a victory for the ages," she said, "If it works."

"If it works, no one will ever hear the song without remembering the battle and this tactic," the Big Guy said, "Poor Gioacchino will never forgive me." He sighed sadly, then perked up. "Don't forget to practice the second part. The triumphal march into the city."

"That's for after lunch," Green Grass said, "While you lot are resting." She shook her head. "Those instruments are damn scary though."

"Best kind, the open hand, with the scabbarded sword, especially with Discord leading the formation. You'll have to be your very prettiest."

She snorted at that. But it'll be a day nopony ever forgets.

Rainbow Dash raced along, they'd needed the fastest pony, so it was obvious who'd be chosen. She'd arrive in the location where the Crystal Empire had been, locate Prince Blueblood's ship and crew, and warn them about the dragons. The cold weather gear was a hindrance, but she'd handle it.

Barely need it now, she thought as she flew on, Warmed up enough. She'd already unzipped the jacket and stuffed the hoof covers in the pockets. Her eyes scanned the skies and she was beginning to realize one thing. "Where the heck are they?" she asked no one.

She could pick out a cloud from the open sky, but there seemed to be very little in the way of big, flying battleships about. Or green, blue-veined dragons. Or really anything.

As she flew, she spotted something that drew her attention. A wall, miles wide, miles thick, and at least a mile tall. "What could have built that?" she wondered as she flew beside it, "If Sombra built this, I'm almost sad we never got the chance to kick his butt," she said, then another thought intruded, "And what's it supposed to be for, keeping things in, or keeping them out?"

She flew on, searching for signs of the battleship, or an army on the move. Or something! she thought, If they're already done with those dragons, Pinkie'll never let me hear the end of it.

The lunch was magnificent, and many of the diners had retired to their staterooms. There would be a lot of work once the sun went down, and even more before it rose again in the morning.

Sapphire noted that Celly, Luna and Derpy had collected the Big Guy. And of course Selene and Dinky collected me, she thought of the two fillies clinging to her back as she trotted through the ship, checking on things.

She felt her organs shift again and thought, They weren't kidding about 'feeding the troops'. If I couldn't send this direct to the other changelings, I'd bust wide open. She wasn't sending this nectar to the caches and reservoirs. She was sending it directly to the changelings under her authority. Which meant all aboard the ship, even the other queens. Noling would get a lot, but it was as good as several good meals and a complete night's rest. The Changelings would be ready for tomorrow.

She looked back on the pair and felt fondness. A Changeling really couldn't love another, but she was well aware that they were valuable to her personally, and to the Changeling race as a whole. The nectar her entire 'family' had caused her to generate was the effect of pretty much what they were planning to do with the Crystal Empire, breaking the last chains of an outmoded belief system. Nothing we changelings can do about our biology, she thought, We now know love or affection directed at us, as who we are, is stronger than any stolen essence from others.

The bridge was crewed, and quiet, the small patch of clouds hid the ship from prying eyes and was 'moored' close enough to the ground, they resembled nothing so much as a patch of persistent ground fog. The troops were rotating through their drills. Those who'd drilled this morning were bunking out, and those who'd had the morning to sleep late were getting trained. The whole thing would come together in a few hours.

I should be on pins and needles, but I almost can't imagine how we'd lose, she thought, So much for the one who'd never fit in. It was your vision of who and what we were that I don't fit in. The waste of time, talent and resources.

She stifled her anger at her mother who was far beyond her reach and was going to be someone else's problem for a while. I'm not interested in playing her game anymore, Sapphire thought and moved off to check on the teams checking the hull. The 'holes' weren't getting worse, but they were getting slightly more numerous. Hence keeping the ship out of the fighting. Discord could probably fix it, she thought, But there's more important things for him to do for the moment.

She found Tom going over the plans, 'one last time'. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"Like you, the immense amount of chaos precludes my need for sleep or food. Discord's sacked out because he is overfed and he worked harder than he's ever worked before. I had a sliver of his power, so I've got better magic tone than he does. Plus the idea of being one of the good guys has him in a quandary."

"Well, I can always think of him as a treacherous fool who will betray us any moment, if that would help," Sapphire said.

"I think he's past that," Tom said, "He's actually starting to enjoy it. Which is even more confusing."

"The Big Guy had tomes on myths and folklore, he talked about 'Coyote'," Sapphire said, "Maybe Discord should read up on him. He was a trickster, but benevolent. Just a little hard on those around him."

"He read it, or rather the Big Guy told him all the stories. Discord wants to be admired, but he wants to be the one everyone gets shivers about, and he can't have both. Ponies don't work that way."

Sapphire nodded, and glanced at the pair on her back. "Don't I know it?"

"You should rest," Tom said, "Despite the nectar, you're going to need all your mental clarity, and I've experienced that dreams sometime show up problems your conscious mind does not."

"I can't think of any problem we can't overcome and don't have a contingency for," Sapphire said, "Maybe you should take your own advice. Something seems to be bothering you."

"Perhaps," Tom said, "To be honest, I'm more worried about Fluttershy. Or rather, I'm worried about her reaction to me."

Sapphire felt the change in Tom when he mentioned the pegasus, but just nodded. "If you're after advice on how to approach her, the Empress has a host of techniques. And before you say it, they aren't lying to her, they're how to approach openly and honestly. Just not completely. And it's the completely part I suspect is bothering you." She smiled. "You are really taken with her."

"She's quiet, and thoughtful, unlike most of the people around here for whom deep thought is two seconds to reaffirm their preexisting biases," Tom said, "And frankly, she's a lot braver and more open-minded than people give her credit for. I find that refreshing. She's only really frightened of one thing: her own anger. Everything else is a projection of that."

Sapphire nodded and trotted off. She suspected that like the Big Guy, it was going to have to be the females who pushed the issue. For people who are nest-wettingly terrifying, they sure are cowards about some things, she thought.

Fluttershy didn't like the idea of flying so far or so fast. Night was falling, Rainbow hadn't returned, and the dragons hadn't been sighted since they left Equestrian territory. The border guards that had seen them were on a direct line with Canterlot.

Fluttershy didn't like flying at night, most creatures didn't, but she had a couple friends in her saddlebags who were small and light enough to carry the long distance, and had no problems flying at night.

The bat let out a high-pitched squeak and pointed with a wing.

"Are you sure?" Fluttershy asked as she banked to follow his directions.

The bat reaffirmed his certainty, seconded by the other bat. Explaining what she was looking for had been the hard part. The bats had been certain they could avoid the dragons and lead Fluttershy to the battleship. She saw they were as good as their word. The cloud of fog was her destination, and she hadn't seen the dragons at all.

While the bats gave warning, Fluttershy allowed the Changelings to intercept her before she got too close. "Um, hi," she said, "Some of the plant dragons woke up, and, uhm, we thought they were on their way to attack you. Now that you know, I'll just be going. Eep!" Fluttershy started as she realized she'd been quietly surrounded by five more Changelings. "I don't want any trouble."

"Miss Fluttershy," the leader of the new arrivals said, "We'd be in trouble if we didn't get you safely in, and then a proper escort back to Ponyville."

Fluttershy bowed her head. "Oh, I wouldn't want to get you in any trouble," she said and meekly followed them.

Not like I had a choice, she thought.

The ship was pretty much as she'd seen it before. The changelings were polite, a couple corralled a few moths for her bat friends to eat. That didn't keep them from being quite firm in escorting her to the 'main hall'.

She gasped at seeing the sheer number of changelings. Several thousand briefly became her and waved more like Pinkie Pie would have. She smiled at that. At the center of the mass were Discord, Tom, the alicorns, the Big Guy and the Changeling Queens and Empress. They surrounded a small table with a model of a city covered by a clear bowl.

Tom floated down to greet her. "Welcome, you came at a good time. We're ready to raise the spell."

"Really?" she asked, "Is that the Crystal Empire, is that why no one could find it?"

"No, it's a model. We're trying sympathetic magic. Doing a spell near a copy, and the effect will be on the full-sized version. We're parked next to the shield, so the magic will affect the real shield, but we can't surround it like we can the model here."

"Oh," she said, only sort of understanding what he'd said.

"If you'd like to help, you can join Derpy," Tom said and indicated a number of other ponies, all pegasi or earth ponies.

"Sure, oh! There's a flock of dragons coming this way," she said, "They were the plant dragons from the Canterlot attack."

"They passed by hours ago," Tom said, "Paid us no mind whatsoever. But our patrols are up in case they return."

"Oh, that's good," she said, feeling her mission was for nothing.

"Why don't you join the others? We need all the help we can get, and we welcome it."

"Oh, okay," she said feeling her spirits lift as she joined Derpy.

"What do we do?" she whispered to Derpy as she settled next to the pegasus.

"We concentrate good thoughts to the people in there. For you 'people' might include all the new animal friends you'll make," Derpy said and then returned to concentrating.

Fluttershy grinned, then concentrated on all the stories of Sombra she'd heard recently on all the ponies and other creatures who'd need all their help soon.

She felt odd, as if her thoughts were pressing against a flexible wall. But when she pushed hard, she could feel pain, fear, suffering, and other dark emotions through it. She knew it wasn't the wall that was hurting, but the things beyond it. She steeled her resolve and pushed as hard as she could. She Stared at the wall in her mind, and pressed with all her might. When she felt the wall was trying to resist by hurting those within worse, she lost it. She imagined herself fighting a giant bubble with some of her animal friends trapped inside. Big Dumb MEANIE! she thought as she tore into it. Hooves and teeth, battering with her wings, growling and snarling.

The bubble popped suddenly, and she saw her animal friends and rushed over to comfort them.

She opened her eyes and looked around. Derpy and a few ponies looked at her curiously. No changeling was within ten feet of her. "Um," she said nervously, "Did it work?"

"Yes, very successfully," Tom told her as he drifted over.

She saw the bowl that had covered the city was gone, not broken pieces, not there anymore. She shrank back. "Did I do that?" she asked, ashamed at her outburst.

"Yes," Tom said, "With some help. But that's what we wanted to do, so it was the right thing to do."

"Okay," she said, feeling a bit less embarrassed.

"Do you want to be here for the charge into the city?" the Big Guy asked as he approached, "It's going to be your kind of battle."

"I don't like battles, there's too much fighting," she said, trying not to insult him.

" 'For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill'," the Big Guy said, "I intend to show the acme of skill."

Fluttershy nodded. "Oh, yes that would be nice to watch," she said. She glanced around nervously at the chuckles from the uniformed soldiers around her.

"They think you won't be able to stay out of it," the Big Guy told her, "And don't feel you have to."

Fluttershy stared at him in confusion.

Rainbow had seen something that had chilled her to the marrow. Not getting lost and flying around everywhere. But when the Crystal Empire had finally revealed itself, it had been at the hooves of an immense cloud of something. It was Fluttershy, angry, she thought and shook herself, I know it was. Like when she took on that dragon, and just like then, as soon as it was over, I swear she hugged the entire city. The city itself was pretty enough, glittering in the dark, but it seemed kind of boring to Rainbow. Nothing she could see flew over it. Everypony was in their homes with the lights off. The shine came from a few street lights and nothing else.

The nets dropping over her from above brought her out of her thoughts. They tightened around her, fouling her wings and keeping her from flying. A trio of earth ponies, all standing on flying carpets dropped down into sight. Others she couldn't see held the ropes to the nets.

"That's cheating!" she shouted, and they laughed at her.

"Look, it's a lost pegasus," one of the ponies with a more ornate uniform lowered her carpet until she could look Rainbow in the face. "Wings don't give you the right to sneak around our Empire, at night."

"Your - you ponies are touched. Your empire's been missing a thousand years. And I found you!" Rainbow told her, and struggled in the net, "And this is the thanks I get?"

"This one's working on an insanity defense already," another of the rug-riders said.

"We'll just clip her wings and see if she's too crazy to run a shovel," the leader said.

"My wings?" Rainbow said, her normal bravado fading.

"Yes, you can tell everyone you're a pegasus from the future, where they don't need wings," the leader said, and the other two began laughing.

Rainbow suddenly wished her friends were here.

Day 72

The day began very early. The orchestra's stage had to be set up. A fast review of the topography of the Crystal Empire's capital showed only one place that the advance could be made from. A high ridge outside the city. Behind the ridge, the troops set up, and behind the troops, the orchestra set up.

The troops were silent as they marched. Surprise was the greatest weapon they had, and if it worked, there'd be no battle, but a rout. The Big Guy's truck arrived, unexpectedly, by Discord express, with the orchestra, and some other stowaways.

Pinkie, Applejack, and Glorious Sunrise were either under arrest, or in protective custody. At the moment, they sat in the bed of the truck, watching.

Fluttershy arrived at the truck. "How much trouble are we in?" Pinkie asked quietly, glad she hadn't brought the chainsaw.

"That depends," Fluttershy told them, "You haven't given anything away, and I think if this works, everypony will be in a good enough mood that nopony will be too angry. I already suggested you brought the truck because it's fast and can carry more than a wagon. So they may toss you out and load it up with clean uniforms and armor. That's part of the plan too."

"What the devil are they playing at? They have the troops, why not storm into the town right now?" the griffon asked, back to being the Colonel-General, master of the Griffon Military for two generations.

Now Fluttershy smiled. "They are going to win without a battle," she said, "After all, this is a rescue, not an attack."

Vladimir walked by, he was checking on the armor and equipment of the troops. For once, there was no rolling of the eyes as the amateur checked up on the professionals. He was in battle kit, as they were, not the parade-ground armor the Royal Guard always wore around the palace. They were soldiers, and so was he. Although a few chuckled quietly at his reminder that a general's proper place was just behind the lines.

Pinkie watched, and wondered. I've been in fights, but never in a real 'battle', this is as complicated a set up as a party, and they are planning it just as carefully, and like me, they already know what they are doing, what they did and what they need to do, but they're checking up on things anyway, she thought, I don't think my party cannon will get us out of this one.

"They haven't found Rainbow, but they haven't really been looking," Fluttershy's low conversation penetrated Pinkie's thoughts, "The dragons passed them by. Maybe they were looking for something else."

"Rainbow's a big girl," Applejack said, "She can take care of herself."

"She was taken by the local guard," Discord said as he approached, carrying a collection of brass tubes ending in a half-dozen flaring bells.

"That looks like the conjoined offspring of an orchestra's entire brass section," Glorious Sunrise said.

"Very astute, because that's what it is," Discord said, "Our vedettes picked up a trooper who got too close. The Big Guy persuaded him to talk, and he said they took 'a crazy pegasus' last night. They thought she was faking being crazy, but now they're sure she is."

"How'd they persuade him?" Applejack asked, not looking certain she wanted the answer.

"Have you ever noticed how no matter how bad you are as individual singers, you ponies all sing in perfect harmony?" Discord asked, "Imagine singing, as a group, in discord?"

Even Glorious Sunrise shuddered at that.

"The songs of the paratroopers are really not for pony ears," Discord said, "No matter how cruel and battle hardened they are." He waved and headed off to take his place with the orchestra.

Fluttershy looked at the horizon. The promise of a new day just lightening the distance. "Well, I want to watch, but you stay here, and stay quiet, and everything will be all right." She flew off, but stayed very low to the ground.

The group looked at the army, two lines of troops. Nearly all changelings, but pony units were spaced here and there. As it grew lighter, they saw just how far in both directions the line stretched. Behind them off to the side a ways was the orchestra. The conductor at ease, checking the sun and waiting. The players settling in and watching him intently. Only Discord seemed nervous as he stood before a music stand and clutched his instrument tightly.

Pinkie looked at her friends, not sure what to think. She felt she had to say, or do . . . something, but nothing seemed appropriate. In the distance, Colonel Green Grass mounted the step to look down on the sleeping capital. Behind the lines, the Big Guy had a telescope and several cameras, all on tripods, and all ready to observe and record the events. Dinky and Selene were with him. Pinkie noted Derpy was part of none of the groups. She watched, and waited with a serenity Pinkie wished she could share. Pinkie could almost feel the dice rolling, that a big gamble was occurring, and it would pay off here. Like a surprise party, she thought, But not. Or maybe, it is, for all those poor ponies that Sombra held. Their liberation day. She considered the party that they should throw, but decided to wait. They may just need help throwing the party they already have planned, she realized, Well, I'm here.

She looked again at her friends, who looked at each other, at the army and its preparations, then back as the promise of dawn crept ever closer.

The Big Guy took one look back at the assembly. The troops were a given, they knew the maneuver and could perform it in their sleep. The other musicians were anxious to start, and the conductor looked as cool and collected as the Big Guy was trying to appear. He knew that the conductor had assured him '30 years conducting for Her, then Their Highnesses has taught me how to deal with stage fright.' He still felt sympathy for Discord. The normally braggadocios creature was part of a plan now, and while he could appreciate the chaos it would cause, it required meticulous order to create. The fussy pony had quietly lectured the large creature, and Discord seemed to be holding it together.

He knew he could achieve the same goal with brute force, but the whole point of all this was to break the army, without breaking the captive civilians. "No plan survives contact with reality," he quietly reminded himself and looked to the horizon, "This would be the day Celestia slept in."

He looked through the telescope at the barracks that held Sombra's command staff. Nothing untoward was occurring. "Which should mean, we took them completely by surprise."

But he remembers a line from Battlestar Galactica 'Apparently it was not as big a surprise as we had hoped for.'

37) Intellectuals Remember the Opera

Cultural Artifacts - Intellectuals Remember the Opera
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 72

The city stirred, the first light of dawn appearing on the horizon. Not that any pony raised their head to look at the signal of another day of toil. The soldiers also looked down, the better to see the faintest sign of rebellion or treachery from their charges. The fanfare of dozens of Trumpets and Fancy Horns drew every eye to the lone figure standing on the hill. The pony's armor blazed with reflected dawn light, the ordinary citizens charged to their work stations or back into their homes, afraid of being punished at seeing such a display of defiance. The army of King Sombra spilled out into the streets to gawk at this mysterious newcomer who seemed to be challenging them by presence and fanfare.

Most laughed and nudged their squad-mates as if to say 'right, dealing with this sucker will be fun.' The laughter intensified as the pony trotted down the slope, joined by a few friends, and musical accompaniment.

Some of the older sergeants realized, that slope had never been given traps or entanglements, it being too hard to climb up, no one had considered someone would come down.

The Big Guy watched through the telescope as the troops' expression changed from amusement, to a niggling concern, as the line of trotting ponies got wider, two by two, by two, by two, and so on. Some took on a grim expression, realizing they were facing a serious challenge, but others stayed transfixed as the line widened, ever more, seemingly without stopping.

Officers of ever-increasing rank had arrived, marked by ever more gold braid and baroque stylings. They began looking intently at the steadily widening line.

The tempo picked up, the first line broke into a gallop and the second line came over the crest at a gallop. And the officers instantly get it, the Big Guy thought, 'It's that moment of dawning comprehension I live for.'

"Exit stage rear," the Big Guy said of the fleeing officer corps, the troopers immediately caught on, and they started fleeing too. The citizenry just looked around in utter confusion. They saw ponies, and not what was panicking the soldiers, so they watched: peering from windows or looking from where they were ready to start the day's work. "Rossini, it was for a good cause, can you ever forgive me?"

Fluttershy let out a cry, like Rossini was getting his revenge for again losing the finale of the William Tell Overture to a story with horses. The Big Guy looked away from the chaos in town at the stricken pegasus. He'd seen out of the corner of his eye that she'd been 'dancing' since the music started, like a duck on a hot stove, now she looked to be in real distress.

She looked at the Big Guy apologetically.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"No." She whimpered again and bowed her head. "Excuse me," she said, and charged off after the advancing line.

The Big Guy chuckled, then looked at the others bouncing up and down in his truck. "Oh good grief." He covered his face with his hand.

Selene laughed, "Dinky and I will mind the cameras."

"And I'll bring the orchestra," Discord said as the entire Royal Philharmonic and others floated atop a cloud behind him.

The conductor turned and 'directed' him towards the truck.

"Always be ready when your plan succeeds beyond your wildest expectations," the Big Guy muttered as he jogged towards the truck. "Hang on, and get the shovels out," he told the three, now four passengers as Derpy joined them. He took off down the slope, accelerating to 60 on the flat terrain, then slowing to 40 as he headed across the suspiciously glassy-looking streets. Once on the other side, very suspiciously, the orchestra's tempo picked up and he raced after what he perceived was the most likely path of the fleeing general staff. Hitting 90 when he spotted their dust cloud.

Glorious Sunrise was in his element, his head through the rear window of the cab. A nudge or point told the Big Guy which way. He had 'coursed' enough enemies, he knew the path generals who were cowards would take. The alien also had a good idea where the foe would run at bay. He hadn't understood why the Big Guy had made such a drastic reduction in speed through the city, when the pursuit was all and must be maintained at all costs.

Once they were out of the city, he got his answer as the machine accelerated. The gauge presumably measuring the vehicle's speed climbed to its limits. The vehicle was not as fast as a flying pony or griffon, but what they pursued only fled on hooves.

The orchestra managed to outdistance them through the city, now they overtook them as they raced over the ground. The Big Guy's confident driving drove them onward, the orchestra struggling to keep up. The general staff appeared in the distance, and the distance was closing rapidly. The generals and their sycophants, rather than scattering, remained in a tight clump as all four of the truck-riders collected the long-handled shovels and rakes.

Glorious Sunrise would have preferred to use the edge of the shovel, but he suspected the force wanted these miscreants alive. The back-swing also reduced the force, but the ranking general of Sombra's armies went into an uncontrolled tumble from a dead run. The Griffon Empire has been heard from, he thought briefly of the ramifications of what was essentially a declaration of war against Sombra's forces. He clouted a major between the ears while he pondered the morality of dragging his nation into a 'terrible conflict.'

On either side of the truck, shovels and rakes rose and fell in the hooves and mouths of Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Derpy, harvesting the officers. The truck turned to block off some, but the ride generally stayed smooth and straight-ahead. One officer finally broke away from the pack, the conductor leaned down and hit her with his podium without missing a beat.

The vehicle slowed to a stop so they could load the captives.

"For Equestria and the Griffon Empire," Pinkie growled at the battered troops.

Sapphire had watched Fluttershy join the charge, as if she couldn't help herself. Then Sapphire couldn't help herself. It's as if the inspiration just hammered into my brain, she thought of the plan that had sprung full formed into her mind and she directed it to the troops. Hundreds of Changelings became Fluttershy. They outraced the fleeing army of Sombra, and with Fluttershy forward, but back of the main line, formed a line ahead of them, giving them all Fluttershy's STARE.

The army wheeled about, only to see another wall of Fluttershies, all Staring! Fluttershy had been with the first line, but not with the second. The Changelings' Stares were much weaker, but the army was dissolving, becoming a panicked mob. They saw the main line approaching and wheeled about a full 180 degrees and raced for the only apparent opening, only to have yet another line of Fluttershies close that and Stare.

The mob raced around in a tightening spiral and the Changeling formation closed in. Every time they approached the cordon that had closed around them, the 'Flutterlings' gave a massed Stare, like a volley of crossbows that sent the force turning and fleeing. They didn't close in too much, letting the ponies run in circles as they exhausted themselves. As the soldiers dropped, the Big Guy arrived with an overly laden truck, and dropped off the officer corps into the square of 'Flutterlings'. Whatever will to resist that the army had, dissolved as their battered officers were delivered into the same trap.

Without leadership or hope of escape, they threw themselves to the ground. Discovering something that they had discarded with Sombra's ascension to the throne: mercy. Despite the fury of all those around them, and the soldiers' clear expectation they would be put to the sword one and all, the changelings and their pony allies simply maintained the cordon. The exhausted troopers and officers would be allowed to marinate in the realization they were vastly outnumbered and living on gifted time. Many of the enemy had magic to rival Sombra's. King Sombra was no where to be seen. And they weren't facing Celestia, who had gone after Sombra directly. The troops clearly knew that without the army, the citizens were free to choose which side they were on.

Grass Light's binoculars would have been on the ground with his jaw had the strap not kept them around his neck. The brigands' rout had been nearly this complete, but those weren't trained and disciplined troops, and it had been accomplished by a handful.

"How many?" he asked as he tried to get his own officers and cadre back under control.

"At least 20 thousand," his intelligence officer said, "I lost count."

Grass Light actually smiled at that. "That's the first good news I've heard. That's their weak-point. The size of that army."

"I'd like to see how that's a weak-point," his tactical officer said.

"Where's the supply train for an army that size?" Grass Light asked, "What's a town that size going to feed an army that size? Gratitude?" He chuckled and the rest of his officers chuckled as well. "That army is going to have to disperse to forage, or it's going to have to have a massive supply train. We find that and hit it, we've got them."

He looked at his troops. "But I do think that our 'friend' sold us a bill of goods. And I think we'd better renegotiate. Get them a little more active and coordinated in our responses. Find out what they really want, and what they'll get out of it."

He led the troops out without the few patrolling pegasi seeing them. None of the Changelings disguised as pegasi spotted then, but two alicorns did, and remembered them.

"Now we have to impress them," Discord told them, "I kinda spread the idea that the citizens outnumbered the remaining soldiers at least 50 to 1." He grinned at that, then looked concerned. "Ponyness ensued."

Vladimir face hoofed. "Okay, make yourselves presentable, and form up, marching cadence please."

The troopers assumed their formation. The changelings remained in a tight square around the prisoners. Fluttershy rejoined the others who'd accompanied the Big Guy on his run across the fields of the Empire.

Vladimir approached. "Will you have any trouble with them?" He nodded towards the assembled army of Sombra.

"No, you go and be the hero, we 'necessary evils' will follow along behind."

Discord transformed into full Scottish regalia, Tartan jacket, kilt hose and kilt, white shirt and bow tie, black buckle brogues, silver-mounted sporran, jeweled sgian dubh and a Highland bonnet with badge (the Sacred Chao), of course including a Great Highlands bagpipe. "Look, I'm regimental!" he announced.

"Ponies don't usually wear clothes," the Big Guy commented. He looked at the orchestra, still sitting on the cloud that had a rope leading to the rear bumper of his truck. "Normally I wouldn't ask, but can you quickly teach them a song?"

"Sure, they'll all instantly know it," Discord said and cracked his knuckles, then caught the conductor's gaze. "With your permission of course."

The conductor nodded as did most of the musicians. A moment later, they shook themselves and absolutely grinned at each other, then at the prisoners. The Army of Sombra cowered in terror of the Canterlot Philharmonic.

The citizens had dragged the few Sombran soldiers and officials from their offices. A few had decided to resist, and the rage and terror that had so characterized Sombra's reign exploded. None of them knew for certain why everypony was sure Sombra was gone to never return, but they all knew, and they all acted.

The beatings were directed at the soldiers and official. Most who'd simply surrendered were under guard. Will o' Wisp moved back and looked at crowds who were 'insisting' that the last vestiges of the Sombra authority surrender unconditionally.

The sound, no the music, drew more and more of the crowds away from the, in some cases, unconscious soldiers. The crowds seemed to realize their condition, and what they'd been doing. They wiped the blood off their noses, lips, and ears. It was clearly music, a jaunty marching tune, but none of them could place the instrument. It sounded like a cello or a bassoon, it was agreed, but nopony was sure.

The formation was led by the strangest creature they'd ever seen, playing what looked like a bag and a collection of flutes, with a bass drum atop his head. Behind him was something they'd not seen in a long time. The formation marched in unison, and was composed of unicorns, thestrals, earth ponies, pegasi, and at the lead was a splendid, white unicorn.

Ponies came out of their houses, they stared at what were clearly soldiers, but felt more like a festival. The jaunty tune and the strange musician weren't the only parts. The troops were as serious as Sombra's forces, but they carried themselves with a feeling of joy. Just marching under the sun.

The Crystal Ponies looked at each other, and wondered. The force that had swept the army from the city had looked like this, but the music had been orchestral, and it had been more warlike. More and more ponies assembled on the main roadway the army was marching down. They looked at each other with concern, but the seemingly ridiculous figure at the front, marching in perfect cadence made it clear this was a force to be respected, not feared. They wouldn't be as serious for seriousness' sake as their oppressors had been.

The pony walking behind the unicorn leader raised and blew a whistle, directing changes. The musician continued playing the drum, a drumstick clutched in his horn beat the drum softly. The troopers came to a stop, marking time.

"Halt," the leader ordered, turned smartly and approached Will o' Wisp. The pony quailed slightly, until the unicorn saluted.

"Colonel Vladimir, North Border Fusiliers," he said, holding the salute, "We thought you could use the help."

Will o' Wisp returned the salute crudely. "Glad to have you with us. But I'm afraid that there's more trouble than you know."

"Sombra has fallen, sir," Colonel Vladimir said, "And he had you separated from the rest of Equestria for over a millennium. There's a lot that you don't know"

"What about the rest of the Army of Sombra?" Will o' Wisp asked.

Colonel Vladimir turned smartly, and gestured. The troops that were approaching were definitely more menacing. The tight formation, like a phalanx inside out, held the former Sombran soldiers within four walls of spears. The orchestra that floated along behind played a menacing air that chilled the marrow.

"The music is for the former army, not for the citizens of the Crystal Republic," Colonel Vladimir said.

"Crystal Empire," Will o' Wisp said almost automatically and grimaced at the reflexive response.

"We shall see," Colonel Vladimir said and smiled.

The citizenry glared at the soldiers within the formation, their former oppressors. Despite having been objects of terror a little over an hour ago.

The white cart that seemed to be towing the orchestra cloud had a collection of the strangest creatures most of them had seen. Griffons they had heard about, the earth ponies were obvious, the trio of wings and horns ponies were a point of amazement. The creature seemingly controlling the vehicle was nearly as weird as the musician who'd led the formation. Most of the Crystal Ponies simply took it in stride and cheered the newcomers.

Rainbow sat in the corner of her cell. She had heard the commotion, but then nothing. The armored soldiers who entered looked more menacing that she had expected. The eyes of the leader bored into Rainbow's.

"Beep," Applejack said as she touched Rainbow's nose, "Gotcha Sugarcube."

"AJ!" Rainbow shouted, then covered her muzzle with both hooves. She whispered, "Hurry up and get me out of here, before the real guards show up."

"The real guards are here," an armored unicorn arrived and positively glared at Rainbow. The pegasus remembered the threat to clip her wings, and the discussion that it should be done at the root. "This is the pegasus?" he asked, and glared at Rainbow.

"Yes, sir."

"Why do you want him?"

"Hey! I'm a mare!" Rainbow said as she pressed against the bars.

"She's our friend," Pinkie said as she took off her helmet and shook her mane loose.

"Hmm, 50 bits."

"Fifty?" Rainbow said, "I'm worth a lot more than fifty!"

"I can't afford more than fifty," the unicorn handed the bits over to Applejack, "So take her and go."

"Wait, you're paying her?" Rainbow asked.

"To take you off my hands, I certainly would," he said, before smirking and starting to laugh along with the others.

"Huh?" Rainbow asked, but didn't hesitate to leave the cell when the door opened, "What the hay is going on?"

I wish Armor was with me, Cadence thought as she flew towards the aerie, But the idea of my pulling the air chariot had him too nervous. She pouted. I only crashed it once, badly.

She landed and was immediately surrounded by guards. She produced the travel documents and bonafides that Glorious Sunrise had generated for her.

"Princess Cadence of Equestria," she announced remembering that griffons expected strength and forthrightness, "I am here to see the prisoners."

The guard accepted the papers, scanned them, then nodded to her and walked off. She took that as an order to follow. The prison was not a high security one, it was mainly to keep troublemakers from afflicting the rest of the population. The 'cell' of the chief prisoner looked more like an art gallery than a place of confinement. 'Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage', Cadence remembered the Big Guy's quote, I thought he was telling me why Celestia was 'chained' to the throne, but this is the other side, this person cannot be chained by walls and bars.

The griffon within was graying, but looked hale and hearty. He was flying around a device that Cadence couldn't even fathom the purpose of. The guard cleared his throat, and the griffon took notice.

The prisoner fluttered over and looked at Cadence. "Alicorn, a good disguise, other than the proportions, she looks just like one. But I was asking for a live model, I presumed it would be a griffon."

"She's here to arrange your transfer," the guard said.

"Transfer, why?" the prisoner seemed authentically confused.

"What do you know about the Crystal Empire?" Cadence asked.

"How much time do you have?" the prisoner asked.

"Let's say ten minutes," Cadence said.

For the next ten minutes, she received a rundown of the history of the Crystal Empire, from the time the ponies arrived on the continent, to the rise of the 'Old Kings', their usurpation by Sombra in a popular uprising against growing Equestrian influence, and then Sombra's abrupt decent into madness. "He was trying to make himself into an alicorn you see. Why he didn't get help from the Pony Sisters is unknown, or perhaps they refused him. All that would be in the archives, he was a meticulous records and correspondence keeper. Somehow it didn't work, and he went mad. Then the Pony Sisters dealt with him. There are rumors of ways of reversing the spell he cast, but he'd have to either cooperate or be killed." The prisoner glanced around. "That was ten minutes I believe."

Cadence glanced at her watch and realized it was almost exactly ten minutes. Stunned she said, "I have heard the spell has been broken, and there are teams of inventors, teachers and visionaries who are being assembled to bring the Crystal Ponies into the modern era."

"Me?" the griffon prisoner asked as he pointed to himself.

Cadence nodded, and watched the griffon pace within the cell, having a argument with himself, each 'position' of the argument was using a different language. 'For' was in Fancy, 'against' seemed to be in modern griffon, and at least six more positions in Zebrafrican, ancient Equestria, and other languages Cadence couldn't even guess at.

Finally the display of omniglotness ended and the griffon stood and stared up at the ceiling. "Is it my duty to the griffon people?" he asked.

"I would think so, Old Father," the guard said using the odd, royal honorific, "Let them see we aren't 'the bloodthirsty monsters' of old," the guard said, repeating part of the history the prisoner had related.

The prisoner nodded. "Comes In Peace, at your service," the prisoner extended a clawed arm through the bars.

Cadence took it and carefully shook it. She looked at some of the devices and recognized them from Armor's lessons. "He who desires peace must prepare for war?" she asked.

The griffon winked at her.

Dinky and Selene walked the corridors of Sombra's former palace. The troops were cleaning and sanitizing the place. One unfortunate Changeling had found a door that was still giving him nightmares, even though he was wide awake. The rest of the tower was being carefully explored.

"Dinky," Selene asked as she stood up at a window sill and looked down over the town, "Something's bothering me."

"What?" Dinky asked as she stood beside her and looked up the tower, rather than at the town.

"Have you seen any kids?" Selene asked, "Not just babies, but as old as us, or a bit older?"

Dinky put her head down on the window sill and thought. "Nope, nope, nope . . . No," she said as she recalled, "Not through the telescopes either." She looked at Selene. "You don't suppose Sombra -?"

The Big Guy was standing with Vladimir on a balcony, both were looking upward. "It's the only place we haven't searched," he said to the unicorn.

"Send a few pegasi up there?" Vladimir said.

"I think we'd better move the changelings out to a safe distance," he said, then rubbed his eyes and looked at his partner in 'conquest', "When we first met them, a lot of them had those holes in them. Now, there's a dozen or so who don't have any holes at all."

Both noticed the changeling guard surreptitiously checking themselves out.

"I hadn't really noticed," Vladimir said, "Change in diet?"'

The Big Guy nodded. "So if this is the source of love in Equestria, we don't want them dangerously overfed. We had that problem with the prisoners at the camps. We gave them the food we'd been eating and it made them sick. We had to start with rice gruel and work our way up, they were so starved. I'm just glad we didn't have to do that here. It was heart breaking feeding those poor souls such thin slop, and going off to eggs and sausage for breakfast yourself."

Vladimir nodded. Derpy arrived and looked up at the tower. "I can fly up there, or fly you up there, whenever you're ready."

"I think we need to hold off for a while, and honestly, I'd rather climb up it with you as a spotter," the Big Guy said, "I bet that Sombra had a surprise for pegasi, but wasn't prepared for alien monkeys."

"DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!" came the unison cry as two fillies raced onto the balcony and practically tackled the Big Guy.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he knelt down to hug the two sobbing fillies. The explanations spilled out, overlapping and indecipherable.

Finally, Dinky calmed down enough to exclaim, "There aren't any kids here!"

"What did Sombra do to them?" Selene asked in an equally panicky tone.

Derpy, the Big Guy and Vladimir exchanged horrified looks.

Celestia watched the sun progress across the sky. She had little to do otherwise. The next nearly solved case would be brought before her and Woona. As Woona had raised the Moon last night, and lowered it this morning, so too was she becoming an accepted part of the Day Court. Although she only handled the personal petitions, dealing with the nobles' jockeying for power she left to Celestia. Everyone has accepted her, Celestia thought, Far more readily that they accepted 'Recluse Luna', who hid in her room for the first few weeks.

She missed her sister, but more, she missed the feeling of being the center of everything, having to solve everyponys' problems. The case load was less now that the new system was in place. Some had 'wasted her time' bringing frivolous cases, just to be in her presence, to talk to her. Now I am separated, they no longer plead their cases to me, I only approve, she thought, Do I miss that? I always grumbled to myself about it, but what about now that it is gone. Why do I lament its passing?

She looked at Woona who stood equal to her in physical stature, an affectation since Woona was a shapeshifter like Luna. She could be taller or shorter at her whim, and I suspect she's just a hair shorter, but that too is something that rankles and shouldn't. I have been given what I claimed I wanted, my sister as helpmate, and a reduction of the relentless drudgery of the court. Why do I feel I've lost some grand battle? You got your fervent wish, now quit complaining about the fallout.

She smiled at the group approaching, and saw their concerned expressions. When Woona turned, Celestia realized they weren't being concerned about her. "Discord."

He stood beside her wearing a T-shirt reading 'Spock beats Lizard, Orchestra beats Army' with a pony hoof beside each noun. "I was going to wait my turn," he said, as his shirt became 'I won the Crystal Empire, and this shirt was the only interesting thing I got', "Besides, this is a sort of an 'over lunch briefing'."

"Lunch will be in 25 minutes," the chamberlain said, "Should I arrange another place setting?"

"No," Discord said, "I'd never go somewhere I was invited."

Everyone rolled their eyes at that.

"But your philharmonic is back, and there's lots of changes you should know about," Discord said and vanished.

"Arrange the place setting," Celestia said, "If he doesn't show up we can send others to find out."

The chamberlain nodded, and Celestia turned her attention to the suppliant.

The Mane 6 were at Sugarcube Corners, and Twilight's breathing exercises were getting a workout. Spike was taking notes, and a curious crowd had surrounded them.

"So after we marched all those meanies back to the camp where they'd been holding the prisoners, we went to look for Rainbow Dash," Pinkie said, then gave a frightened Dash a sly smile, "She was locked up and just as brave as I expected her to be."

For some reason Dash wasn't up to boasting about that.

Pinkie continued, "So they started going over the castle and finding all of mean ole Sombra's traps."

"And disarming them," Fluttershy added, she seemed a lot more accepting of the battle than she otherwise should have been.

It must have been as bloodless as Pinkie described, Twilight thought, and considered the fact the Crystal Empire was not in Celestia and Cadence's hooves, but Blueblood and the Big Guy's. She took a deep breath, held it and released it. Calm.

"Then they started searching for the Crystal Heart, but it's a big castle and the trap removers have to go first," Pinkie said, "Then Discord sent us and the orchestra home."

"So that's - what all the running around was about," Dash said, "Why didn't you break me out? You might have needed my help."

Fluttershy frowned at that. "Almost nopony got hurt and none seriously," she said, "We won with practically no fighting."

Rainbow peered around Applejack at the angry Fluttershy. "I didn't mean anything."

Fluttershy relented.

What's gotten into her? Twilight wondered, She's always been brave, as long as she didn't get a chance to think about it, but this is different.

"Don't fret Rarity, Twi," Applejack said, then looked at Rainbow, "You can fret all ya want."

Rainbow snorted.

"Them changelings got it inta their heads that Fluttershy's Stare would help them win without layin' a hoof on Sombra's army. They were beaten, no question of that. But the changelings respected her enough to use her ways." Applejack's gaze swept the crowd around them. "Unlike some folks 'round here."

Several of the ponies slunk away.

Applejack stared at Rainbow. "She's proud that she got the 'Ponyville Monster' to try the ways we ponies always say we'll solve problems." Applejack shrugged. "Not the way we live up to them. And she's rightly proud a' how well it all worked."

Fluttershy was bowing her head and blushing at Applejack's explanation/praise.

"I was swinging a shovel too," Pinkie said and patted Applejack on the shoulder.

"Shovels?" Twilight asked.

"Sure, we were chasing down those baddies, and we hit them with shovels that were in the Big Guy's wagon," Pinkie said, and stared at Twilight, "I'm sure I told you that."

"You told her, but mosta us won't finish hearin' that story for a couple hours," Applejack said and snickered.

Pinkie blushed. "It was so exciting, I kinda rushed telling it, didn't I?"

Applejack and Fluttershy nodded.

"Don't worry," Spike said, "I got it all down. But now I think I need to soak this quill in ice, along with my hand."

"Care to send it off to Celestia?" Twilight asked.

"No, we need to make a copy so we can have it here," Spike said, "This is an eyewitness account of history. It belongs in several libraries. I may even compile a book about it."

Twilight took a deep breath, held it, then let it out.

Derpy and Luna had practically cocooned their daughters in their wings as the conference got underway. Neither Selene nor Dinky seemed particularity happy about the treatment.

Sapphire spoke first. "We sent teams out to scour the land, infiltrators with a long history of sensing parental love." She paused to await the outcry. Vladimir gestured for her to hurry up. "They couldn't find one that wasn't directed at an adult child. The only fillies and colts in the Republic are those two, and the nymphs back aboard the battleship."

"That seems to confirm what we were thinking," Vladimir said, "And we can find no energies that would end children, or prevent pregnancies."

Lyra and Bonbon relaxed audibly at that revelation.

"Likely causes, from less to more grim, first, the time spell prevented pregnancies, and all the children under its influence grew into adults. Second, the regime of Sombra was so oppressive that any pregnancies miscarried or were reabsorbed. I don't know enough about pony gynecology to suggest which is more likely. Third, the soldiers we have incarcerated put any children to death through abuse and overwork. A lot of the adults are in shaky condition from the abuse they suffered. There are three more, the next is not for children's ears, and the next two I doubt even Nightmare would enjoy hearing. Suffice it to say, I doubt whatever it is, is still active or contagious to any newcomers. We will keep an eye on it," he said and pointed at Lyra and Bonbon, "Report any problems immediately."

The pair nodded, but everyone relaxed at that. Dinky nuzzled her mother, Selene beeped Luna. Both mothers hugged their fillies.

"I think if Selene and Dinky can handle getting stared at, they should be seen by the populace," the Big Guy suggested, "You two, and any nymphs who can travel, would be proof positive that the reign of Sombra and his regime are over."

"If you and mom come with," Dinky said, "I've had Timberwolves stare at me, and not look so hungry."

"Par for the course," the Big Guy said, "Second, since we've embarrassed the ponies, now the changelings get one. Your rather, let's call it porous nature seems to be going away. Why? Is this a good thing? Can we continue it?"

"Stealing love by trickery resulted in our leprous appearance. Let's not beat around the bush, the Canterlot elite called us the Swiss Cheese Locusts when they thought none of us were around. Which was all the time an unmorphed changeling in Royal Guards' armor was standing right behind them with a spear." Sapphire shook her head.

"Just remember, Celestia keeps them all there so the rest of the nation can enjoy their absence," Vladimir said. That got a snort or a chuckle from everyone.

"Getting the undiluted form, even just the gratitude of the populace, has been more than enough to keep us going. Maybe too much," Sapphire said.

"Say again?" the Big Guy asked.

"We've had to send large numbers of the troops out to the hinterlands to prevent 'over eating' that manifests as intoxication," Sapphire said, "All those troops can be recalled at a moment's notice, but we have to rotate troops through the city, most can handle no more than two days. Trained infiltrators are both better and worse, we're evaluating them on a case by case basis. But while the army is apparently depleted, the entire force can be recalled in under two minutes."

"Good," Vladimir said, "Next, the big thorn in our side, not the Crystal Heart, we'll find it, but Cadence and her plans to bring all the crazy inventors, social misfits, et. al. here as part of her bid to fit in. How are we going to house them? How are we going to feed them? Unlike the Changelings, they can't survive on the gratitude of the populace."

"We have a large supply of protein we could feed the griffons," Tom suggested.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say 'eww'," the Big Guy commented.

"They're of no use to us alive," Tom reminded them.

"Too bad we disproved all those 'Changelings eat people' rumors," Vladimir said.

"We'd have to change into themselves, that's the only person they love," Sapphire said.

"Don't count on that," Vladimir said, "That's what everyone thought about me, and I was as motivated to keep up the act as they are."

"You really do hate her," the Big Guy said, "Don't you."

Vladimir looked at Luna and said, "Yes I do. We were all toys to keep her occupied until Luna returned." He looked back to the Big Guy. "Now that Woona has replaced Luna, we go back to being time occupiers/wasters until Luna comes back."

"You don't know her as you think," Luna said.

"Nor do you. You knew her, I know her. After a thousand years, whomever she was and why she did what she did has become immaterial. Habit has replaced justification, and tedium has replaced salvation. Things now are 'because we've always done it this way', the original reason is neither discussed nor considered, by anyone."

"She cares for her ponies," Luna said, an edge in her voice.

"I never said she didn't. As Applejack cares for her cattle and sheep. Just because we can talk and think, don't assume that we are more than assets, pieces to the endless games, or occasional moments or joy or revelation, or pain when we remind her of you."

"Luna," the Big Guy said, "She's your sister. To them, she's been absolute monarch, sole object of worship since before their great-grandparents' time. You two have very different perspectives on how the exact same act will be perceived. What you see as friendly, sisterly teasing, is a serious dressing down by the local god to everyone else. More importantly, those around you take it differently. You're her equal and in direct line of succession. To the nobles, it would be a threat to their being third, or now fourth in line."

Vladimir's eyebrows were raised. "How did you pick up all that in only a few weeks as Celestia?"

The Big Guy and Luna were stunned.

Vladimir smiled. "Your acting isn't that good," he said, "Others may have seen it as one of her whimsical periods, I knew it was you from the decisiveness with which you dealt with all the little problems. You put solution first, then feelings, and precedent dead last. She would -" Vladimir glanced at Luna. "Would deliberate on feelings and precedent, then pick the solution from that. Your solutions ended the problems, hers punted them down the road until the complainers died off and the next generation would fixate on something else. It wasn't too hard to guess you two had switched places. But from Luna's expression, it wasn't as voluntary on your part and desperation on hers that I assumed it had been."

"It - I can neither confirm, nor deny your supposition," the Big Guy said and glanced at Luna.

"Ask Celestia," Luna said.

Vladimir grinned. "And now you see the basis of my dislike. We fear the Changelings for usurping someone's life, home and family, but because Celestia did it, even you cannot condemn it," Vladimir said, and had the good sense to drop the subject.

"That still leaves feeding them," Electric Cookie said, "We've also been looking at the food stores, and they're low. I don't know what the problem was, but they have a large store they'd been delving into. There's plenty of good land further north."

"There's something else farther north as well," the Big Guy said, "And if Sombra's spell could only work if ponies stayed away, that would have contracted the usable land."

"The same problem remains," Tom pointed out, "We can't put it back to sleep and we don't know the range at which pony activity would wake it up."

"That just means we have to defeat it sooner, rather than later," the Big Guy said, "We also need to find the Heart to extend the arable land along the East-West axis, it's too cold for most crops now."

"But first, we buck up the civilians," Green Grass said, "They've been relieved the entire army didn't stay, but they still need to be reassured we aren't Sombra's Army II."

"They have a festival that recharges the Heart. We should get the planning of that underway," Selene said, "The library has info on it, but the librarian was weird, she didn't know about books on the Heart itself."

"You found them, of course," the Big Guy said.

Selene looked at Dinky. "Of course we found them, and read them, and cataloged where they were." She looked at Vladimir. "I think you should 'officially' start researching, while Electric Cookie and the staff start interviewing ponies about it. That makes it look like you're really serious. I mean the festival, as well as the Heart."

"You are your father's daughter," Derpy said, and nuzzled Dinky, "And you too."

" 'Steely-Eyed Missile Mares' not you are, yet," the Big Guy intoned strangely.

Shining Armor was used to logistics, it was his primary job in the Guard once he became its captain. 'Get there first with the most' was an axiom he was well acquainted with. But once you were there, you had to keep the guards in beans, bolts and blood. The last being either medical supplies or coffee/tea, depending who you asked. So arranging enough food, bedding and other supplies for 'Cadence's Army' to operate dependently for three months had taken quite a bit of doing. Getting the rail cars to transport it had been harder. Dragooning the Flim-Flam brothers' network to not only load the supplies, but their workshops, libraries, and their families, had been suspiciously easy. That they'd also arrived with twenty of their own rail cars, and the biggest locomotive Shining had ever seen, and he began wondering what the downside was, then he found out. The siding in the Royal Guard's small railyard was bustling with activity, and many guards-ponies, -lings, and others watched, and occasionally prevented shouting matches from becoming fights.

As least the respect of the Guard still holds, he thought and glanced at the stopwatch, Or they're here to watch this all come unglued.

"Time!" called the world's largest Breezy (more like the world's smallest, adult dragon).

"Three minutes, twelve seconds," he said, "Sorry, the brothers' containers still hold the record."

Then Shining got the other downside, a hideously catchy tune about shipping containers of freight to improve the ease of loading and unloading. The six containers lashed down to the special flatcars did make sense. If you had a powerhouse unicorn to move them, or a dragon to lift them on and off the railcars.

"So, pal o'mine," Flim asked, "What do you say?"

"It's an idea ahead of its time," Shining offered, "You'd need a massive crane at anyplace you'd want to unload the whole container."

The two brothers wandered off to discuss a cheap and easy lifting device. Shining left them to it, the locomotive drew his attention. The Diamond Dog who'd built it was checking it out after its run. "This is going to take a lot of fuel and water," he told the inventor.

"Nope, electricity drives it, and her," she opened the fire doors and Armor staggered back from the heat. "Say hello to Mister Armor."

"Hello, Mister Armor, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance." The child's voice came from the firebox, and in the inferno, Armor could just make out two blue eyes peering at him.

"You used a child?" Armor gasped.

"Not 'used'," the Diamond Dog said, "Persuaded. She can help others, rather than being treated as a freak. All she wanted was to help people, and get some friends. She can and has. Don't blame Diamond Dogs for pony experiments."

Armor felt sick inside. The progress we've made, Armor thought and steeled himself. He gestured for the inventor to open the fire doors.

"I apologize if I hurt your feelings," Armor said, "I was taken unexpectedly. I hope we can be friends."

"I'd like that, but are you part of Mister Flim and Mister Flam's group?" the firebox denizen asked.

"No, but I've got some experience with fillies who don't fit in," Armor admitted, "I think you'll be finding a fair number of people you can be friends with."

"Good," she said, "Are we ready to go?"

"Checks to do," the inventor said.

"I told you I feel fine," came a very childlike whining.

"We do the checks," the inventor said, "Besides, you can prove how strong you are if we run into problems."

"Okay," she sounded mollified.

Armor climbed out of the cab and looked at Discord. "I'm having a very bad day if you don't even get my weird meter trembling," he told the draconequus.

"I just heard from Tom, and Celly, something Celestia needs to hear, and so do you," Discord said.

"Twilight's probably given her a letter from the ponies who were there," Armor said as he trotted after Discord, he stared at the ground some two stories beneath him, shrugged and continued to follow Discord.

"There were things that weren't discussed before them," Discord replied, "Things that need to be discussed before Celestia."

Discord walked 'downstairs' and Armor followed, relieved to be on solid, visible ground again.

The sun was setting on a very exciting day. Dinky was sound asleep on Derpy's back, the little filly had been very brave with all the Crystal Ponies looking at her like a dog at a steak. Derpy had kept up her facade of shopping for food, while a triple dozen disguised guards had stayed out of sight, but not out of range in case someone did something foolish.

Mother and daughter were exhausted.

"Tomorrow will be better," the Big Guy said and hugged Derpy.

"Yeah," she said, "I still haven't found the post office though. Something weird about that, even the military has a post office."

"Yes, but maybe they just used runners. This place isn't that big," he said.

"It'll need a post office going forward. One for intracity, a mail run to Equestria. Canterlot is close, but Vanhoover has a better substation, so that would be the link. Then there's parcel post, that'll need a train, but the rail lines lead to Canterlot, so a Vanhoover line will have to be laid, or go to Canterlot then Vanhoover." She sighed. "I'm not cut out for all this planning, even for something I know all about."

"You've got people to help," the Big Guy assured her, "And I'll admit, I hadn't even considered the post office. If we're getting Cadence's people, we'll need one."

Derpy smiled at him and snuggled against him, glad she could help.

Discord showed the images of the ponies who'd been spying on the battle, with Grass Light obviously their leader. Sir Eagle Bell, and the senior guards were there along with Celestia, Shining Armor and Woona. "Now I don't care how they escaped Equestrian custody. Frankly, if they become a problem to the Crystal Republic, the Big Guy will mop them up. But you Equestrians are going to have to figure out how a couple hundred troublemakers, who were supposed to be under your securest lock-and-key, suddenly find themselves together and wandering the countryside of a foreign land."

"I don't know how they could have escaped," Celestia said.

"Somepony put your name and hoofprint on a forged order," Eagle Bell said.

"Point of order, if it has her name and hoofprint, it's not forged," Discord said, and smiled, "It's legitimate. Now do you have another hoofstamp somewhere? Say when she's too busy?" Discord frowned. "The other question is who else can they let out without even informing the capital of the release?"

"I think I preferred the chocolate milk rain," Shining Armor said, "Because I know who their target is." Shining looked at Discord. "And so do you, you're just being coy about it."

"You're so wrong. I think Celestia knows their real target," Discord said and grinned at the Diarchs, "Just imaging that lot getting their hooves on the Crystal Heart. Whatever you may think of the Big Guy and Colonel Vladimir, their entourages will definitely give the Crystal Heart the right spin of love and friendship, blaugh. But these characters?" Discord giggled. "Well, that would be fun for me. For the rest of you, not so much. And don't assume you can ride to the rescue again. Look what happened last time."

Celestia frowned at that, glaring at Discord.

"All I'm saying is, do you actually believe in friendship, or do you not? In a few days, the best people you once had, will be all together in position to kick these ponies' butts clear back to Tartarus," Discord said, "But can you keep them there? Or will you let your despised underlings actually solve a problem?"

"I cannot countenance murder," Celestia said.

"I'm sure Sombra will be overjoyed to hear that," Discord said, "If Luna hadn't mashed him to pulp in Chapter 5, or was it 6? Besides, it isn't your country, the Crystal Republic is an independent nation with its own laws and customs. You're going to just have to hope that these people do the right thing and surrender, or flee back into your custody. The Crystal Republic won't accept your advice, and if the Undiminished Sun charges in to fix everything, I think their suppressed memory of Sombra and his reign, and defeat, will come rushing back, and you'll be installing Governor Cadenza over an abattoir. That will certainly cause the Crystal Heart to send out an interesting message to all and sunderee. Then it'll just be you, me, a few alicorns and probably the Big Guy. Nothing else will survive. Except the Schmooze."

Celestia and Woona paled at that prospect.

"Well." Discord cracked his knuckles. "I've got a tea party to attend, and then, maybe see if Applejack or Pinkie Pie can help. Ta."

Armor watched the draconequus disappear. "So, now that I know we're walking into a trap, we can be ready for it."

"You aren't still going to go through with your trip," Celestia asked, "Are you?"

"Of course," Armor said, "If Discord knows, then Vladimir knows, and he hates Grass Light more than nearly anypony else. He'll have an interesting trap laid for them, but if we aren't on schedule to be the bait, we'll have to face Grass Light at a time and place of his choosing. I just need to know where the most likely ambush spots are."

Woona nodded, but Celestia just looked aghast.

Tom and the Changeling Empress met with the Big Guy in the Empress' rooms. "I thought we needed to discuss a few things, away from the ponies and their derivatives," Tom said.

The Big Guy nodded.

"You said there were three other fates of the Empire's children. What are they?" Tom asked.

"The fourth is, Sombra consumed them all in the spell he used to put the Schmooze and the Empire to sleep," the Big Guy said, "Reason enough not to mention that in front of two, frightened mothers, and two mothers-to-be."

Tom and the Empress nodded.

"Fifth, he ate them to fuel himself, physically or metaphysically," the Big Guy said.

"Their flesh, or their souls, or both," the Empress said, and shuddered, "I'm not sure which is worse."

"Sixth, and last," the Big Guy said, "He sacrificed them to the Schmooze, blood sacrifices or living sacrifices, I don't know."

"Thank you," Tom said, "I'm glad I don't dream, or Luna would have her work cut out for her."

"Let's just say that if he'd been a human, there'd be a couple more victimizations I could consider, but there are limits even to the most evil creatures here," the Big Guy said.

"As if we didn't have enough to worry about," the Empress said.

"One day at a time," the Big Guy suggested.

Day 73

Just before sunrise, Colonel Vladimir had the Changeling Army lined up, leading away from the field where Sombra's former army stood imprisoned. "Just keep heading that way, until you meet the railhead, then just keep walking," Vladimir told them.

"What if we don't?" the former general of the army asked.

"Then we'll grind you up for fertilizer," Vladimir said, "You might find that Celestia will show you mercy, but that's up to her. We want you gone."

The General looked at his former officers, and smiled as he led the troops out of the encampment. Quite noticeable formations of Changelings shadowed their withdrawal on the ground and in the air, but didn't menace them.

"You do realize they'll run into Grass Light's forces along the rail line," Vladimir whispered to the Big Guy who'd come up behind him.

"True," the Big Guy admitted, "They'll either fight, or make common cause, either way when we swat them all, we'll be done with them."

"What happens if they encounter Armor and Cadence's force first?" Vladimir said.

"A little bird told me they'd be delayed a day, which should put everything in a high tension when it all comes unglued," the Big Guy replied.

"Why do I have the feeling that Discord is arranging all of this for his own amusement?" Vladimir asked.

"Because he is," the Big Guy said, "Just because he's on our side doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy seeing us sweat. The hard-won victory is the most enjoyable."

"That should let us search for the Heart without having to worry about them. However they encounter Grass Light's force, it should take them out of play for at least a day," Vladimir said, "We can check out the Constitution and get it ready for the fight when Cadence comes through."

"The holes?"

"Getting slightly worse. I think I know why they abandoned it," Vladimir said, "But it seems to ignore anything less than full power. But there's still a steady decay." He chuckled. "Almost the opposite of our Changeling friends."

"Use it or lose it, I guess," the Big Guy said, "But that still leaves Molybdenum Blossom and the plant dragons out there. And the question of who do they think is their enemy. Because that will dictate who they move against first."

Vladimir nodded.

Celestia had raised the sun, and was headed to breakfast. Woona was there, as she had been for several days. Celestia's fellow alicorn had taken the habit of taking long naps 'at lunch' or midday and midnight, which allowed her to be awake for most of the day court and most of the Night Court. I envy her energy, Celestia thought, And her zeal in tackling all these problems I'd frankly forgotten about.

Fifty-seven departments had been abolished and the ponies there had been rolled into other departments. Sir Eagle Bell's call of chronic understaffing was being addressed in a way he wasn't entirely pleased with. Many of the eliminated departments had been staffed with deadwood, rather than disciplining or firing those ponies. Now the deadwood was back on his plate and he could either shape them up, or ship them out and get new.

Celestia grinned at that. Someone else is finding out that what they wished for is not actually what they wanted, Celestia thought as she picked at her breakfast, And Discord got me again. Some crackers, a simple salad, or just some soup would be more appealing than a work of art for every meal. If I ate the centerpiece instead, would anyone speak up? she considered the tureen full of fresh flowers that dominated the center of the table. They at least weren't covered with a sickly-sweet, thick cream sauce.

"The festival is over, time to return to reality," Woona said. And noticed Celestia staring at the absolutely plain oatmeal in Woona's bowl. "Oh, a 'silent protest' over my departmental cuts. I praised the cooking staff and thanked them profusely for it, rather than the awful stuff they make you eat. I think half the chefs fainted."

"I shouldn't laugh at that," Celestia said, but had to smile.

"No, you shouldn't, you should once or twice a week show up at a guard garrison and eat what they eat. You'd get your simple fare, the guards would have concrete proof you cared about their usual complaint: bad food, and it would let you voice your contempt for the overwhelming rococo baroqueness of absolutely everything everyone sets before you," Woona said, "How do you think cowardly Vladimir Blueblood kept the loyalty of battle-hardened professionals? He slipped out to the most desolate posts and sampled the food, the sleeping conditions, and the state of repair of the posts, came back and whined incessantly until they were fixed. The army bureaucrats would practically vent their bowels on seeing him coming, because rather than just reports, he'd actually eaten the food, slept in the bunks, walked the rickety ladders, etc. You've let them neuter you, keeping you in this fish bowl until you have no idea what's going on beyond these walls. Scrying and reading reports aren't the same as hooves on the ground."

"I know where I'd like to be," Celestia admitted, "But they'd never trust me, and if I snuck in as a vagabond, they'd trust me even less."

"I was thinking south, rather than north. The dice are no longer in your hooves there. You either trust your sister, or you don't. You either trust the ponies with them, or you don't. And if you don't, then what Vladimir asked about you and the magic of friendship is true, you don't know it or believe in it."

"Who has been my friend, in all these long years?" Celestia asked.

"Wrong question. Who have - you - tried to be friends with, in all these long years?" Woona said, "If your ponies can befriend an utterly alien creature, if even their enmity still turns on what is best for him, which is still a kind of friendship, then what is holding you back? That crown, your exalted status, your irreplaceablity in all things, your unfamiliarity with customs outside this picture puzzle you call a palace, or your own fear at being hurt?"

"Mostly yes, you haven't made friends, only to watch them fade away," Celestia said.

"You have phoenixi, dragons, and a dozen other races who fade only over millennia. Most are able to form friendships, and most loyally keep them. 'Dragon-Friend' is a title of honor in every land but Equestria, where it is unknown." Woona sighed. "I also released my greatest friend in the world, because she needed to be free. She is 'mine' because she will come back to me. Can you not say the same?"

Celestia sighed. "I can say, I'm not sure. Maybe everything you said is true. But after being hurt so many times, I've just given up. When the smiling face all too often hides a dagger or a scheme, what am I to do? Even if one is my friend, there is the overwhelming temptation to use that friendship to their advantage. How do I counter that?"

"The same way anyone of power does. By the masks they wear. Father, husband, worker, Captain of the Bowling Team. All have differing powers and all are kept as separate as possible. I sit on the Board of the Royal Astronomy Association. Luna wisely put in that she, and thus I, cannot be president, treasurer, or sergeant at arms. So she's the clerk, she takes the minutes and cannot vote on any motions. Now I do. And she liked it that way. So do I," Woona said, "How many boards do you officially sit on, and how many have made you the chair of the board so you are too tied up in administration to actually enjoy participating? My sister was a good painter and a superb singer. When was the last time you put brush to canvas, or pen to blank sheet music?"

"That I actually let somepony else look at? Centuries," Celestia asked.

"Then you have your answer, take some time to do something you enjoy. In discussions with the Big Guy, one of the Emperors of his world actually published scholarly books about Marine Biology. They were politely treated, but the critics still pointed out some flaws. If you want to be judged on your merits, supply the paintings under a pseudonym, to a gallery outside of Canterlot."

Celestia had an idea.

Marching Cadence didn't hate 'the other Alicorn' as some ponies did. She understood the 'Cadence Mania' that had gripped her hometown on the announcement of the arrival of the young alicorn. What she resented with a passion was the assumption that she, or any of the dozens of [blank]-Cadences were related to the alicorn. She was a soldier, she did her job, worked her way to the top and like her commander kept her eyes open for opportunities.

Which made the military insanity unfolding before her all the more infuriating. The huge pack of uniformed vagabonds was marching along, sections stopping to tear up the railroad tracks, then cantering to catch up with the rest of the mob. She'd sent word to her commander, but hadn't heard back.

We don't have anywhere near the pony-power to take on that force, she thought, then came to a decision.

"Sergeant, I'm about to do something incredibly stupid, because just sitting here watching this pack of cannon fodder get away is even more incredibly stupid."

"I'm sending Vapid Ox along. No arguments, please, sir," the sergeant said, "Besides, you can repeatedly order him away, and he'll 'creatively obey'. Some nopony will expect him to crash you a way out, if and when you need it."

"Agreed," Marching Cadence said, and headed over to the hulking trooper.

Vladimir was beginning to have just a sliver of sympathy for Celestia, but just a sliver. "Why can't they do these things without me, the Big Guy, Celly, Luna or the Empress to 'bless' them?" he muttered as he cantered towards The National Gallery. "Closing that place was the only thing Sombra did I wholly endorse."

So I'm an art snob, he thought as the building which looked like something out of a Canterlot architect's fever dream, But half of the daubings in there wouldn't grace a kindergarten refrigerator, the rest of the avante garde 'art' pieces that are completely stupid. A cube of plain cement is not art, no matter how 'arty' the pony who sculpted it was. Heck, Sombra's pieces are the pick of the litter . . . I wonder if that was the point?

Entering the gallery, the little Crystal Pony with the brush and chisel cutie mark bustled up to him. Only a fast hoof beneath the chin prevented the bow. "What have we said about bowing?" Vladimir asked.

The pony relented and gave a sharp salute. Ignoring the giggling of his staff, Vladimir returned it. Half-a-loaf is better than none, he thought.

"This pony has brought some pieces to grace our gallery, all the way from Canterlot!" the curator whispered.

Vladimir's experience with Changelings let him see through the disguise of the large, green Earth Pony wearing a filthy painter's smock and a rather sad beret. He stared at 'him' just long enough to let 'him' know that the disguise had been thoroughly pierced, and Vladimir didn't think the imposture was the least bit amusing. I'm not her, I left to get away from her 'close to the throne is better' thinking. I will not let 'who' get in the way of true merit, he chastened himself and headed towards the portfolio held by the two assistant curators. He glanced back and realized the nervousness was not feigned. He shrugged to himself and went to peruse the offering.

The landscapes were adequate for a gallery, the portraits were quite striking, catching the inner pony. He briefly looked in vain for one of him. So rather than stomp on them, she painted them and hid the portraits away, typical passive-aggressive Celestia, he thought.

"It's the freshly painted signatures," the curator whispered, pointing to the 'Sunny Days' that appeared on each painting, "Otherwise I would have accepted them on the spot."

"Family business," Vladimir said equally quietly, "Paintings go back a couple hundred years, and someone simply decided to give them a wider viewing and their own name. They aren't stolen or forgeries, but . . . " He puffed himself up and went to pure Blueblood-mode. "A true noble doesn't daub with paints." He deflated. "Someone figured out a way around it." Vladimir looked around. "But I would hang them approximately together, let the family hang out together."

The curator and both assistant curators rolled their eyes. "That joke was old when the city was founded," the curator said, actually heartening Vladimir that the 'peasants' could still snark with the 'royals'.

"I figured you hadn't heard it," he said, "If they warrant it, purchase or rent them, and give them a good home."

The curator nodded, and turned back to 'Sunny Days'. Vladimir also nodded and headed out of the gallery.

"Who does she think she was kidding?" asked one of the several, identical guards, disguised Changelings except the commander.

"Games, it's all games. And it's the end of the world if you win or lose," Vladimir said, "The only winning move is not to play."

The nymphs were restless. The least leprous changelings were touring the city, trying to find out as much as they could about the city proper, the citizens, and the curse that lingered over them as possible. The miasma of emotions directed at the children was much more palpable for the changelings than it had been for Dinky and Selene. But neither wanted to venture out again.

"What of the weather service?" one of the disguised queens asked.

"There isn't one," the Crystal Pony replied.

That got the changelings buzzing.

"So you didn't contract out with Equestria, you simply allowed the weather to occur naturally, and caught the excess in these runoff basins?" the Changeling asked.

"Yes, we weren't eager to trust pegasi, or unicorns after the Troubles. We didn't hate them, but we weren't going to be beholden to them again."

That was quietly filed away, through the Empress to the other queens. There was a lot of data stacking up and it was leaning to a simple conclusion: the only 'simple' answer was the Crystal Heart.

"The only simple answer is the Crystal Heart," Sapphire told the Big Guy, who was letting Selene and Dinky study with him in the main library, "And by the looks of it, it is only simple in comparison."

"Yes, I suspect that all real data was either destroyed or hidden in the castle. Maybe I should take a chance on that door, it can't be worse than what I've already been through." He held up a hand. "Forgetting your grandchildrens' names and what they did two months ago is about as horrible as it gets. Almost getting blown up is a mercy to feeling yourself slip away, piece by piece."

"I can't recommend it," Sapphire said, "The Empress' most loyal companion tried it, she hasn't quit sobbing despite the assurances of the real Empress. It's a very nasty spell. Even Tom and Discord won't chance it."

"Then it's climb Mount Sombra then." He slid a collection of books over towards Sapphire. "The ritual to activate it is pretty explicitly laid out. The festival described is a typical county fair type thing. That should be easier to set up once Cadence's Army gets here, we can even use it as part of the welcoming ceremony."

"Good, then can you try to talk sense into Celly?" Sapphire asked.

"Tried, failed, at least she took Lyra with her," the Big Guy said.

"Why is that crazy unicorn immune to that thing, when no pony or -ling can stand against it?" Sapphire asked.

"You just answered your own question," the Big Guy said.

Lyra grabbed Celly's tail in her teeth and pulled the petrified alicorn out of eye contact with the Schmooze. Celly had verified it hadn't moved, then fell utterly silent. Lyra dragged her out of the 'viewing crevice and back onto the flat ice beyond. The new wall loomed behind them.

"I - it - brrr!" Celly said as she curled up into a ball.

Lyra crawled into the crevice, looked at the thing, how utterly tacky it looked. I've seen scarier things in Bonbon's pots. Some of them I was sure would try to eat us, if they weren't too sticky to move. She crawled back out and went to comfort the alicorn.

Tear Twirler didn't know how they'd found the simulacrum, but Grass Light's presence wasn't welcome. Especially since the simulacrum they'd found had been working on a different project and wasn't the one they'd met before.

"I think that a little truth, and some renegotiation is in order," Grass Light said as he sat across from her in the diner's booth. Several of his bullymares were scattered about, boxing Tear Twirler in.

"You didn't like the deal?" Tear Twirler asked.

"You didn't mention several thousand troops," Grass Light said.

Tear Twirler was briefly glad she had to sent responses to the simulacrum, as it retained a blank expression as the real one reeled at the revelation. "They cannot maintain such an army in the field," she managed as she got the real hers emotions under control. The simulacrum took on a cunning air. "We did not assume you would rush headlong into such a trap. Were we in error?"

"Nope," Grass Light said, "But I think we need to know a bit more about your reserves, and your goals. We've already found out about the six, plant dragons that were assisting some of the Changeling Queens, and that four lifted off and headed our way. So, if it's Cadence you want. I suggest we coordinate our forces. If we draw off that army, to protect Cadence, then we can walk in and get the city while they're out."

"That would leave our forces facing the full wrath of that army instead of yours. How is that a benefit?" Tear Twirler asked.

"Because I know how fast an army like that can deploy. We attack at 100% holding nothing back, and then when the enemy gets near, we've either accomplished what we need, or we are bugging out. It's as simple as that. My estimate is that it'll take 42 minutes from the time they send their alert until a significant portion of that army arrives. So we say 35 minutes full-scale attack and then withdraw, no matter if we're winning or losing, we withdraw. Simple."

"I shall consider it. I will contact you with our details, including the likely method of them alerting they're not quite allies," Tear Twirler said, and watched them withdraw.

And you think you'll leave us in the lurch while you go for the prize, Tear Twirler thought, Little realizing you seizing the prize, is the prize. In a cavern far from the meeting point Tear Twirler laughed and went to report another success.

Discord giggled and moved another piece into place. Only he, Tom and the gameboard existed 'here'. "OOOOOO! This is so much FUN!" he squealed and looked at Tom, "Why can't we do this with our friends too?"

"Because they are our friends, and our friends get to be free to do things that amaze even us," Tom replied, "Would you have come up with the 'Celestia Gallery'?"

"Well, after a bit of thought I would have," Discord said, then wilted a bit under Tom's unrelenting stare, "Okay, probably not, she was an awful painter when I first met her. I thought she'd finally given up."

"And you know what's going to happen tomorrow. Isn't it going to be more fun letting our friends be themselves to thwart it, rather than dance to our tune? We play the piper so they will strike our friends' greatest strength, toughing and tempering it. We don't orchestrate everything."

"I guess you're right," Discord said quietly, then brightened, "Oh! I've got one more piece! I need to get them ready. 'There's not a word yet, for old friends who just met'," Discord sang as he vanished.

Tom materialized a Discord-shaped piece and moved it to a critical place on the board. "Oh dear, I lied, we do manipulate our friends. How forgetful of me." Tom laughed. Then he moved himself elsewhen and stared at the next board, which had most of the same pieces, and one extra, the Schmooze. The menace in his tone would have shocked his friends, "Soon."

Luna was beginning to sympathize with Celestia, the idea that anything required one of the 'lords' to deal with, instead of the regular folk was beginning to wear.

"Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" was shouted and fireworks exploded over the crowds' heads.

Luna face-hoofed. Beating my head against a wall will send the wrong signals, she thought, Although . . .

Luna leapt over the crowd and landed on the stage across from Trixie. "HA! I'll have you know, I once shot an elephant in my pajamas!"

The crowd oohed and aahed. Trixie's brief look of concern vanished as she recognized the bit. "I'd be more impressed by the one who put it in your pajamas," Trixie replied. The crowd laughed.

The Sphinx ambled out and watched the pair.

"I created a rock so heavy I myself couldn't lift it!" Luna exclaimed.

More oohs and aahs.

"Can't rocs fly on their own?" the Sphinx asked and flapped her wings for emphasis.

More of the crowd laughed.

Luna sneered at the crowd. "I can do the cup and ball trick!"

Trixie glared at Luna. "Prove it."

"HA!" Luna announced, producing one white ball held in her hoof. "One!"

She produced a second ball, red this time, also touching her hoof. "Two!"

The crowd oohed and aahed.

"Three!" A blue ball beside the other two on Luna's hoof.

Luna produced a cup and threw the balls inside it. "Four!"

The crowd gasped.

Luna covered the cup with her hoof and shook it. And vanished in a cloud of smoke. As the smoke faded, a triumphant duck sat where Luna had stood. "Quack!"

"That's amazing," Trixie said, "You win."

"Now change back," the Sphinx said.

Luna glared at the Sphinx, and left in a cloud of furious quacking.

"Why would you want to learn that trick any way?" the Sphinx asked Trixie.

"It's the cup and ball trick!" Trixie said, "Every performer wants to learn that trick as the highlight of their career!"

"Right, before they change into a duck!" the Sphinx replied.

"No, Mergatroid the Insegrevious turned into a turkey," Trixie replied.

"Mergatroid already was a turkey, he just stopped being pony-shaped," the Sphinx replied, all to the joyous laughter of the growing crowd.

Luna returned to her normal form, and noted one of the Changeling guards approaching her. "Send a message to Trixie that there's a command performance, whenever dinner is scheduled tonight. I never knew an actor to turn down a free meal."

The changeling nodded and returned to the crowd.

Celestia watched the moon rise, she'd already lowered the sun on a thoroughly confusing day. Only one part of confusion was missing, until she turned around. "Discord," she hissed and glared at the draconequus, "Here to gloat?"

"I only gloat when I've won. I was helping a friend," he said quietly, "I told you that the Crystal Republic wouldn't know you from Adam."

"Who's Adam?" Celestia asked.

"Exactly."

Celestia face-hoofed. "What do you want?"

Discord sighed. "I want to be your friend. We were friends once, long ago."

Celestia felt nauseous. "I was young and foolish."

"And what are you now?" Discord said, ignoring the implied insult. "I'll tell you what, pathologically lonely. Why do you punish yourself like this?" Discord asked angrily, "Could you have done better? You bet. But you did well enough. The Big Guy wasn't there at the beginning. I was, both of us were young and foolish. The ones who have all these changes had been steeped in byzantine politics for their whole lives, of course they have ideas that'll work. But look at what you achieved. Your ponies encountered a completely alien creature, and the vast majority offered the hoof of friendship. That's a remarkable achievement, that many of your ponies actually live that value, instead of mouthing platitudes about it. Making friends beat me, and Nightmare. Making friends let Twilight and her coterie beat me, and Nightmare. Celestia, there's no shame after betrayal following betrayal by so many, that you couldn't open your heart again to one more."

Celestia tried to denounce the notion, or insult Discord, but the words simply wouldn't come. Despite his gentle tone, he was hitting a spot she thought she'd hidden away. It hurt. It hurt as badly as when she'd banished Luna.

Discord peered at her. "Celestia, I'm your friend, even if you can't be mine. That doesn't mean I am completely different from what and who I was, but I am trying to make what I am helpful, so I can make more friends. As a friend, I'm telling you, there's no shame in admitting after so long and so much pain and perfidy, you plain forgot how."

The pain was too great. Celestia collapsed and sobbed in agony.

Discord didn't react with triumph at reducing Celestia to a teary mess. He looked like he'd cut off a limb to save a life, and still wasn't happy at the exchange. He sat down beside her, tenderly laid a clawed hand on her shoulder and told her she was a good pony, a brave pony, a selfless pony, and other compliments.

Woona drew back from the door and silently closed it. Then she grinned. Her part of the plan was working perfectly. She nearly giggled at the idea of Discord of all people teaching Celestia how to make friends again.

Trixie gave a formal flourish as she greeted the 'assembled lords' of the Crystal Republic. Will o' Wisp, Ham n' Cheese the chief cook of the work camp, Lotsa Books the chief librarian, Brush and Chisel the chief curator of The National Gallery, and their immediate families had been 'dragooned' into an informal dinner, briefing and working meeting.

The fare was simple, solid pony food with a few egg dishes to give the Big Guy and the Sphinx some of the protein they needed. The native Crystal Ponies slowly loosened up as Trixie traded good-natured jibes and no one cut her down in cold-blood.

"So what did you have to tell us that caused you to trek here in such uncertain times?" Vladimir said.

"First, I wanted to see if I could pull the wagon like an air chariot," the Sphinx said, "Aside from the whimpering in back, it was like any other air chariot."

Trixie frowned at that. "It was merely concerning, I was not whimpering."

"So the flight over was actually safer than going along the ground. We did notice someone tore up the railroad tracks and then we found out where they were all hiding."

Trixie produced a map and they marked a place between two bridges. "Perfect ambush country. They won't be able to go forward or reverse." She glanced at the Crystal Ponies. "I have quite a bit of experience dodging bandits, I'm no hero, I'd run away."

"That's a good scout's job," he murmured, then Vladimir had a topographic map of the area handed to him by Discord.

"I want to listen in," Discord said, "So I can tell Shindig Amour exactly where the blade will fall. He may be Sprinkle's brother, but he's more like you and the Big Guy at heart." He glanced around. "Where's Nightmare and her amore?"

Vladimir rolled his eyes and set the map on the table. "That's here. If they aren't watching this area, we can position the Constitution here, wait for the attack, and drop several thousand Changelings on them."

"While you're doing that," the Big Guy said, "I'll be climbing Mount Sombra, right to the throne room. I'd bet bits to bagels that's where the Crystal Heart is."

"I'll be spotting for you," Derpy said.

"And me," Selene said and frowned at Luna, "I doubt mom will let me take part in the Constitution's mission."

"What's the Constitution?" Will o' Wisp asked.

"An ancient battleship," Luna replied, "It's sort of wearing out, but this is important enough to risk it. Selene, you are right. What about Celly?"

"She's curled up in a cocoon. Looking at the Schmooze really took it out of her," Lyra said, "I think she's out of commission for a while."

"Let her rest," the Big Guy said, "We've got enough resources to hit those troublemakers, and do a little mountaineering."

"Okay, so what's the story with the locals treating you like gods," Trixie asked, "I thought that's why you left Equestia."

"You don't need to follow me, you don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for your selves! You're all individuals! You're all different!" the Big Guy said.

"We have to think for your selves! We're all individuals! Yes, we are all different!" Dinky, the Sphinx and Discord said in a zompony-like tone.

Will o' Wisp and the others squirmed at that portrayal.

"Psst. Your line is 'we aren't like that!'" Trixie stage-whispered to the stallion, "With passion, you, your friends and family have been insulted."

Will o' Wisp looked at Trixie, and the expectant faces. "You ponies are all insane," he muttered.

"Oh good ad lib!" Discord said and began applauding, joined in by most of the others. He looked around. "Who's got the next line?"

"What did you say about my mother?" the Big Guy said flatly, "I don't think it fits."

Discord shrugged.

"What about the festival?" Luna asked.

"It's one of the things I'm here for," Trixie replied and grinned.

Luna face-hoofed, then looked at the Crystal Ponies.

"Preparations are going ahead," Ham n' Cheese said, "We have many ponies eager to celebrate our sav - " he looked at the displeasure of the others and hastily changed to, "Our salvation and chance to be our own rulers." He waited for the approval, or denunciation.

Discord held up a card that said 'India 8.6'. Vladimir had one in front of him 'Jamaica 8.2'. The Big Guy's card said 'Canada 8.7', and Luna's said 'East Germany 3.2'. "Ooo, hard marks from the East German judge," Discord said.

"Is he always this irrational?" Brush and Chisel asked.

"He is one of the most rational and -" the Big Guy said.

"I have never been so insulted in my life!" Discord announced, "I don't have to stay here and be insulted!"

"Enjoy your visit with Celestia," the Equestrians said in unison. Discord vanished in a huff. Then he reached though space, grabbed his huff and took it with him.

Dinky turned to the Crystal Ponies. "Where do you normally go to be insulted?" Dinky said, "We just skipped that part."

Will o' Wisp just stared at them, but a few of the Crystal Ponies couldn't hide their snickering.

Discord reappeared outside of Sweet Apple Acres, and smelled that the pie he'd 'commissioned was cooling on a window sill. He knocked on the door and Applejack didn't seem altogether happy to see him.

"Is Celestia's pie ready?" he asked, and held out the flask he'd promised in return.

"Yes," Applejack said as she stared at the hip restorer for Granny, she neither liked nor trusted Discord, but the deal was simply too good, "You ain't gonna throw it at her, are ya?"

"I'm more likely to end up wearing it than she," Discord said and pressed the flask into Applejack's hoof, "Nothing special, just the old family recipEEEEE!" Discord squawked, and turned his head to face Granny, who'd just given him such a pinch.

"Tryinta woo her with a pie, good choice young fella," Granny said, "Gettin' her frisky, good choice too."

"You are such a dirty, old mare," Discord said, "I like you."

Granny walked inside and over to the pie. Discord followed. "Jist good old family love and the best ingredients. Nothin' fancy," Granny said.

"But it's fer Celestia, Granny," Applejack protested.

" 'Nothin' fancy' is exactly what she wants," Discord said and collected the pie, "It's what you can't have that is most valuable. That tonic would be useless to Applebloom, or to Carrot Top, but to you and Granny, worth its weight in Zap Apple jam orders. It's seeing what someone desperately needs that shows you care. And it's seeing another enjoy the present you got them that marks your transition to being an adult. Ta."

Discord reappeared in Celestia's chamber and looked at her disheveled mane as she lay asleep on her bed. He set down the pie, a large, shallow bowl, and a container of vanilla ice cream in an ice and salt bath. He briefly considered pulling the covers over her more fully or just leaving a personal note, but decided against it. The note he left simply said 'You deserve it, enjoy.'

38) I Think You Should Take a Look At the OTHER Battlestar

Cultural Artifacts - I Think You Should Take a Look At The Other Battlestar
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 73

Nightmare crept along the ridge line, her dark, multi-shaded fur blending in with the shadows. She followed the wolf as he led her close enough to the enemy encampments to work her 'magic', his tread let off less sound than hers, and his coat blended into the darkness to make him nearly invisible. She felt odd actually trusting something else. Especially this creature whom she considered her version of Derpy. Just as smitten and just as clueless, she thought ruefully, But the Big Guy seemed to enjoy the mailmare's company, and I, Nightmare am actually beginning to enjoy the wolf's. She almost snorted at that, but kept silence. Stealth was all, this day.

Perhaps she has hidden depths, Nightmare considered as she tried to duplicate the woodcraft of the wolf, and just barely succeeded.

The camp was laid out before her. She gave a tooth-hidden smile in the darkness and laid down in a particularly deep shadow. She extended her senses as the wolf laid down against her, guarding her while she 'went out' to do her work. Changelings among the camp, she thought, I recognize that stench, but it wasn't Chrysalis' throng that had that stench. She put the thought aside and concentrated on the ponies. It seems that Sombra's Army and Grass Light's force have achieved an amity or common cause. Too bad for them. Something else here, I can't touch it, not really. But I can work with what's before me. She grinned at the thought of all those unprotected minds. I know Luna would not approve, but she's busy elsewhere, and there's disapproval, and there's being able to stop me. I can always claim I was separating those who wanted to fight from those who thought they had no alternative.

The nightmare she crafted and spread over the camp was a simple one, and those were the best. Whatever thing they most feared would relentlessly pursue them, and dear, sweet, noble Celestia awaited in the distance to protect them from it. So they could flee or suffer.

She watched through the night as troopers of Sombra's army slipped away, often alone, but sometimes in small groups. They moved along the railway, but out of sight of it. And if they rested, the sweet succor of dear Celestia had been burned into their puny spirits. Nightmare laughed inwardly at that. They deserve each other, she thought, and searched for the leaders of the groups, to give them more personally hoof-crafted dreams.

Shining Armor hugged Cadence while the train was reconfigured. Lights and noise, shouts of instructions and reports of progress filled the station as the ponies who wanted them gone, and Flim and Flam's allies who wanted to be gone strove mightily to accomplish their desires.

"Don't touch that!" preceded the flash of light, and the wispy smoke.

"My frog, I'm full of stars."

"Medic!"

"If you don't want it leaving with the train, get your hoof out of there!"

Shining sighed and shook his head.

The newly-arrived griffons had politely insisted one of their three cars go at the front, another in the middle, and the third at the end of the train. Flim and Flam's group had checked over the mechanisms inside the cars and pronounced them safe, usually with an aura of religious awe. They too had assembled some truly bizarre cargo at key locations, and Shining wasn't going to argue. He still wanted to know how six barrels of rotten apples would repel an attack. But I'll find out, he thought as he ushered Cadence aboard, We're loaded, ready, and will soon be on our way.

Picking their way through the interior was like traversing Twilight's library during reshelving. Objects floating here and there, stacks of materials piled in an order no one else could fathom.

"The mess is more structurally sound than usual," Cadence suggested, and frowned when Armor only nodded, "It'll be fine."

"Not yet it won't," he replied and entered the dining car where all the leaders of the various groups had assembled. Armor laid out a map as the other crowded in. "Discord told us where we are likely to be ambushed," he explained to Cadence and the leaders of the various groups, "I imagine they'll cut the bridges before and behind, and with us trapped, they'll swarm us."

" 'Cept we ain't trapped," the Diamond Dog engineer traced a path across the topographic map. She looked up at Armor. "If you secure the breakables, we get out anytime we like."

"There's no rails," the griffon said.

"Rails make it easy, no rails don't make it impossible," the Diamond Dog said, "Even haulin' pony cars."

Armor doubted it, but wasn't going to start an argument. "But what we are is bait," he said, "We need to get them all in, all tangled with each other, and let Vladimir's forces stomp on them."

"Too bad," the griffon said, "We could take care of them ourselves."

Armor almost didn't want to ask. "How much of what you put together is nonlethal?"

The inventors looked sheepishly at each other. "All of it, lad," the griffon said, "We'd hardly make a good impression with what the heavy stuff would do."

"But there's worse things than dying," Flim said.

"Righteo, brother mine!" Flam added.

"I know this is going to give me nightmares," Armor said, and ignored Cadence's giggles, "What exactly does that stuff do? And what can't be affected by it?"

In ten minutes, Armor was seriously wondering why anyone was afraid of the Big Guy, he'd just shoot you dead.

Day 74

The crack of dawn brought much activity. Aboard the train, they had been sleeping, lulled by the gentle rocking of the cars. Now they woke and they went to check their equipment, running final checks before they crossed into the ambush zone. In the camps of the ambush zone, the missing were tallied and remarked on, and the leaders began trying to fathom a pattern. On the ridges beyond the encampment, Nightmare and the wolf watched the stirrings and awaited their chance for more mischief. The Big Guy had assembled his equipment and crew before dawn. Selene had included a disk that would let them communicate if he became invisible or something.

Vladimir's forces had been on duty for an hour, ready for a late night sneak attack that hadn't come. Those who'd needed to, had breakfasted early as they stood to their posts. Those on the train and in the Big Guy's group all had a good breakfast. Ironically, those on KP had been among the highest rates of deserters, so Grass Light's force and Sombra's army struggled to both get ready, and to find people to prepare the food for the troops.

After their breakfast, and with the light steadily improving, the Big Guy began his ascent of 'Mount Sombra'.

Tom and Discord watched this and many other scenes, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. In all cases, guessing just who was going to be truly ambushing whom was part of the fun.

"This is going to be a glorious day," Discord said and rubbed his paws together in glee.

"I still think we made it too easy on our friends," Tom replied.

"No, the initial victory will pay dividends in the next game," Discord replied, "And the glory of a hard-fought victory pales in comparison to what they'll win if they aren't as hard-pressed."

Tom nodded, as best he could, and continued watching. "Is he going to realize Sombra never booby-trapped that part of his tower?"

"I hope not," Discord said and offered his bowl of popcorn to Tom.

His fingers found the edge of the crystal, even through the gloves. The climb had been almost boring. Don't get overconfident, the Big Guy thought as he tested the new handhold with more weight, It would be just like that gentleman to leave the bottom third undefended, and only activate everything once you were in the middle of it.

He pulled himself up and got his feet in the positions he'd marked earlier. It's going well, too well, he thought, Solid structure, no crumbling. No little traps in the handholds. No sudden spells to throw you off the surface. What possible explanation can I be missing?

"Derpy, you still there?" he called.

"Gnawing my hooves to the bone, but still here," she said from practically behind him, "Why don't you let me just fly you up there. I don't think the traps will work on pegasi."

He considered, but shook his head. "That would be too easy. He was thorough and paranoid. The idea that there were no surface-to-air defenses doesn't track."

In the distance, a rocket exploded in the air. Since Trixie was sleeping late, it could only mean one thing. "It's begun," the Big Guy said, and Derpy hugged him.

The train had been subtly slowing once it crossed the first bridge. Now that the second bridge had erupted in smoke and flames, the braking took on an urgent tone. Shining Armor looked through the caboose's high-set windows, and saw the bridge behind them cease to exist, and he smiled as the train squealed to a halt.

"I prefer mobile warfare," he said as he closed the armored shutters over the windows, "But fighting from inside a fortress has its appeal."

"I wish we didn't have to fight at all," Cadence replied as she also dogged down the armored shutters.

"Not our choice," he said as he moved forward and she moved to the rear.

Tear Twirler was not used to seeing even a 'radix' of Molybdenum Blossom out in the open. But the relatively mobile tree was absolutely necessary, according to Molybdenum Blossom. She hates Cadence so much, why? Tear Twirler knew enough not to ask, Watching this is overly dangerous.

"Soon, soon," Blossom said as she watched the train halt and the soldiers close in.

"Firing!" the call was repeated down the train to warn people away from the windows. The thumps indicated the mortars, which had fired the warning rockets, were launching something far more unpleasant.

Armor watched as the canisters exploded, showering dust on the first wave of attackers. Most simply looked around, screamed, and passed out. 'A combination of one of those 'cat-walking-too-loudly-across-a-carpet' hangovers, with absolutely seeing the world as it is', Shining remembered, and remembered having had both of those experiences, but never at the same time. Most of the first-wave shrieked, then collapsed, or just collapsed as the noise would have hurt too much. His fur stood on end as it sank in that the reality of the weapon seemed infinitely worse than the description.

The second wave paused to consider their approach, before running into that hanging dust cloud. Thinks died and didn't make the appalling noises the attackers made.

Marching Cadence lowered her binoculars. "Conjure a wind, a strong one, and we'll put an end to that little trick. Pull the second wave back, and have them concentrate on the engine. If we attack along a broad front, we just give them more opportunities."

"We'll get stacked up pretty badly as well," Vapid Ox reminded her.

"Can't be helped," she replied.

Nightmare had located what appeared to be the command center, and all those nasty ponies within. A little paranoia, and some 'harmless' sounds, she thought as she and the wolf slipped unseen and unheard through the underbrush towards their target.

"The second wave had stopped out of range of the engine," the engineer reported, "Too close for the mortars, and too far away for her blasts."

"I'm sorry," the girl in the firebox reported.

"Not your fault," Armor said automatically, "But they're out of their effective range as well. Remember, we're the flypaper, Vladimir is the flyswatter. Keep up your efforts, but be ready for them to change tactics."

The Diamond Dog nodded as she looked out the slits in the shutters for a moment, but only for a moment. The enemy still had crossbows.

The World's Largest Breezy intercepted him as Armor headed deeper in the bedlam of action that was the train. "We have stuff that will flush them out of there."

"Without slaughtering them?" he asked as he plastered himself against the wall to allow others to pass forward and aft without interference.

"Does it matter?" the Breezy asked.

"Yes," Armor said and squeezed by.

Easy, easy, he reminded himself, You've been under fire, you've been under siege, they're just reacting like normal non-soldiers would.

Flim and Flam blocked the way, wrestling a machine hooked to a barrel of rotten apples, so they could fire it through one of the mortar ports. "Pal a' meeno," Flim said.

"Pal o' mino," Flam added, "Have we got one for you." Flam pulled the lever and the machine chundered away, launching its cargo through the mortar port.

Armor looked at the completely empty barrel, even the smell of rotten apples was gone. He looked at the very pleased inventors. "Do I want to know?"

"Maybe, the wind is coming from that direction, so it'll mostly be gone when it gets here," Flim said, then coughed softly.

The stench that hit them was utterly nauseating. "This is dissipated?" he asked and tried to wipe the streams of tears from his eyes.

"It's better than I was afraid of," Flam said as he tried to wave away the indescribable stench with his straw boater.

"Applejack forgive me, I may never want to look at an apple again after this!" Armor said.

"We've got a skunk in reserve," Flim said.

"If we really need it," Flam added.

"Celestia's mercy I hope not!" Armor said and stumbled to the next car. He suddenly remembered that the device was called 'The Sticky Gun', it would produce a material that would stick something to almost anything else.

If whatever is causing that stench is stuck to the ponies out there -?! His stomach almost emptied in sympathy.

Molybdenum Blossom could no longer feel fury, the new form prevented it. But there was a near analog that was readily available, she laced her next words with it. "Send in our troops, these idiots play at being soldiers, and they exchange pranksters' tricks as if they were military. Send in our troops!"

Tear Twirler nodded and made the signal. The rustle of immense wings soon filled the air.

"Here comes the main event," Vladimir said as the changelings' reports were transcribed to the clear screens in the CIC. They showed the huge number of flying creatures taking aim at the train. "Get us underway and heading out." He looked at the officers. "Former Captain Armor may be willing to put his people at risk for his principles, but I lack those principles. If it's them or you, pick you." He saluted and the changelings and ponies returned it. The troops moved out and Vladimir considered the best approach for his ship and troops.

The shield he had surrounding the train kept weakening in locations, and letting some of the fire in. But the train had been reinforced against fire, so while it steadily got warmer, there were no fires within the train.

Until it heats up enough to light something off, he thought as he looked at the various devices the inventors were eager to loose on the enemy, but didn't dare open a hole to fire out of for fear of fire coming in.

He nearly ran into Cadence as she approached. "We have a problem," she told him flatly.

"I'm fine, we can hold out a while," he assured her and kissed her cheek, unmilitary but they were newlyweds.

"No, the railroad ties are on fire, or burnt through," she said, "Pretty soon."

The train lurched to one side, but moved no farther.

"That's going to happen the length of the train. I don't know if the locomotive is strong enough to pull the train cars across open ground, but those ties and rail will rip the belly out of the train if we try," Cadence said.

Armor sighed and considered their options. "I hate to say this," he told her, "But we have to trust Blueblood."

Cadence facehoofed. "I know it's wrong, but I really wish you hadn't said that."

It was late morning, and the Big Guy was feeling a right chump for his assessment of Sombra. "You're right," he told Derpy and Selene, "There was nothing there." He climbed onto the balcony of Sombra's true throne room at the top of the spire dominating the skyline of the Republic. Absolutely nothing had assailed any of them on their ascent. The room was like every other room in the tower, crystalline walls and hangings. These seemed to be distinctly less 'family-friendly' than the hangings adoring the lower chambers.

Have to sanitize this place before we let most of the other ponies up here, the Big Guy thought, as he looked around, Of course just burning it all would be a terrible thing to do to history. Maybe collect them and send them to the librarians to appreciate. Now where is the Maguffin?

There, sitting on a pedestal was the Crystal Heart. And hiding behind a couple of pedestals were a trio of dufi. He gestured for Selene to get help.

"But I'm not stupid enough to not think this is where the traps are," the Big Guy said as he circled out of range of whatever Sombra had left around the Heart. He peered down the stair case. "And where does that go I wonder?" He looked around. "Come out, come out wherever you are," he called, "Snowflower and Dandelion, I thought I recognized you, and you must be Grass Light."

The trio of ponies walked into the throne room.

"How did you spot us?" the changeling disguised as a pegasus demanded.

The stench of utter stupidity was making me gag, the Big Guy thought, A pair of polarized sunglasses makes most of these crystals transparent rather than glowy.

"The crystals you were hiding behind have a high disgronification index under the influence of nazca brushes," he told them, "Since you haven't grabbed the crystal already, you're not all completely stupid. Cowards yes, stupid no."

"Why risk myself?" Grass Light asked as if pointed to himself, then the Big Guy, "When the Ponyville Monster can do it for me?"

"Since I know you'll eventually resort to threats, where in this entire room do you think you can stand and be safe from Sombra's traps? He's quite a bit smarter than you, and would have considered all the options," the Big Guy said.

"Once I have the Heart, that won't really be my problem," Grass Light said.

"And don't expect your poooneeey to help you," Dandelion said and changed into Derpy. She turned around and waved her tail in the air. "Go ahead and deliver, I'm only good for pumping out parcels." Dandelion and Snowflower laughed.

"Is she kidding?" Derpy asked.

Grass Light winced.

"Yes, she did that on purpose," the Big Guy said and began circling the Heart.

"What are you doing?" Grass Light asked.

"It's called thinking, I know some of you consider it against your religion, but I do a lot of it," the Big Guy said as he stared at the architecture and the Heart, seeming to ignore the trio of ponies. Grass Light hid his irritation better, but the two changelings fumed openly.

"I think you're stalling," Snowflower said.

"I want this as much as your master does," the Big Guy said.

"No one's our master!" Dandelion shouted back.

"So you can't control them either?" the Big Guy asked as he peered at the ground, and at the ceiling, then took a careful step, then another.

"Hurry up!" Dandelion ordered.

"Or we'll get your little ones," Snowflower added, "Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe just because." The pair laughed at that.

"I rush this, and we're all likely to end up paste, maybe sprayed halfway to Appleoosa, so hold your horses," the Big Guy said and he carefully picked his way across the floor, looking up and looking down.

"They're surrounded by fire," Sapphire reported to Vladimir, "But their shields are holding. I think they're hung up on the track. And no more of those fliers have joined the fight, they're all in."

The former prince looked at the expectant faces in the battleship's spacious bridge. "Bring us around over the bulk of them. We're going in."

He glanced at Green Grass, who nodded her approval.

They didn't feel it, so smooth was the motion, but the massive vehicle turned and accelerated.

Armor watched the swarm of plant dragons fly in and breathe fire on the train. Keeping the shield up was giving him a headache, and eventually he wouldn't be able to. The heat from the surrounding fires was also starting to make it hard to concentrate.

"They're a lot smaller than the ones from Canterlot," Cadence said, using her magic to ease his pain and weariness.

The inventors had rigged a few weapons that could be rapid fired through the gunports, but they had little effect on the plant dragons.

"I really wish he'd hurry up," Armor said, sounding too much like a moan for his own peace of mind.

Tear Twirler knew laying hands on Molybdenum Blossom unbidden was tantamount to suicide. But if I am going to die anyway, she thought as she tugged at the tree's limb.

"I want to watch this undisturbed!" Molybdenum shouted.

"I think someone else is going to disturb it," Tear Twirler said, and once Molybdenum looked away from the burning train, she pointed towards the oncoming cloud. It had been white when it appeared, now the bottom darkened like a thunderhead presaging a storm.

"That's not possible," Molybdenum Blossom said as they were overflown, and the ship vomited forth thousands of changelings. "no."

It took a moment, but the ancient creature reasserted herself. "Sound the recall of all forces!"

"But we nearly have them," Tear Twirler said.

"The wyverns are nearly out of fire and those changelings aren't throwing pies!" Molybdenum Blossom said, as a dozen changelings, surrounded by their green aura, smashed into one of the wyverns and driving it to the ground. "Give the order while there's still a force to withdraw."

Before the order could be given, they lost nearly a dozen more, and twice that before the wyverns could outrun the pursuing changelings.

Nightmare had stalked the leaders, and now she saw the ones she had truly been seeking. Oh, they are fleeing now, time to pursue them to their lair, she thought and grinned at the slaughter Vladimir had wreaked on the flying army, I love it when a plan comes together.

The changelings were piling sand and snow on the fires that burned close to the train, while others cut away the torn tracks that would have prevented the train from moving.

"You had a barbeque and didn't invite me," Vladimir whined at Armor and Cadence, "I'm so deeply hurt."

Armor just laughed.

"More like a pony bake," Cadence replied as she fanned herself with her wings, "How soon can we get underway? None of the changelings found Grass Light, so it's obvious where he'll be." She nodded towards the distant tower.

"I doubt he'll do well against the Big Guy," Vladimir said, "It's Sombra's traps that have me worried."

The three ponies agreed.

Derpy knew what was coming. The Big Guy tried to prevent them from threatening me or Dinky, Derpy thought, Grass Light took the lifeline, Dandelion and Snowflower said that even if he performed, the threat still stood.

Derpy watched the Big Guy calmly move across the floor, seemingly at random. She saw the trio getting more and more nervous. She kept away from them, and closer to the Big Guy by flying balcony to balcony. I'm not going in without orders, she thought, I may not be as bad as I once was, but this is him skating on the edge. I don't want to trip him up.

"Did you scan the magical flux of the room when you entered?" the Big Guy asked Grass Light, "Is it higher now or lower?" He looked at the pony, who frowned back.

Derpy nearly facehoofed at the ineptitude of the thieves. Heck, just listening to Twilight talk about her experiments, I would know to do that, Derpy thought. She watched him study some of the pillars. When he rapped on one with his knuckles, the trio nearly jumped out of their skins. But they won't get close to him, strange. Do they know Selene left? Derpy wondered, Did they feel her love for him, or did they miss it in all the background?

The Big Guy touched one of the inner court's pillars and leaned almost too far over. "Sombra, you sneaky S.O.B.," he said, "That's almost as nasty as what I would have done."

That agitated the trio. "What?" Grass Light demanded.

"Derpy check near the top of that pillar. Don't touch the ground or the pillar," the Big Guy said, ignoring the frantic expressions on the trios' faces.

Derpy checked, and saw only the same crystal that made up the rest of the room. "Nothing," she reported truthfully.

"That makes this easy," the Big Guy said, "Please come here and help me with this."

"WHAT!?" Grass Light shouted.

"The Crystal Heart," the Big Guy said without looking away from where he was staring, at nothing.

"It's behind you," Dandelion said.

"No, that's the bait. Everyone comes in here, sees the Heart, but the real one can only be seen from the throne, or after you've been trapped trying to steal the fake," the Big Guy said and chuckled, "Very ingenious, and thoroughly cruel. After you know you failed, you get proof you were after the wrong goal all the time. Ingenious."

The stallion shifted nervously on his hooves and looked around the room. "Well, hoof it over," Grass Light said.

"Oh, of course. Just get ready to run, there's bound to be traps. Nobody sets this up without back up," the Big Guy said.

Derpy saw the green glow in his fist, a glow she recognized. "Ready?" she asked.

"On three, two, one."

The pair threw the glow at the trio, who scrambled to be the first to catch it. Dandelion lost, as it detonated in her outstretched hoof. Derpy had looked away and closed her eyes, yet she still saw the veins in her eyelids clearly. Her vision and hearing wasn't good from the brightness and the booming noise. But it was worse for them, she thought as she glanced at the fallen trio. She turned away and headed out to the balcony. He protected Dinky once before, he protected all of Equestria, now again. She heard the long knife, nearly a short sword, come from the sheathe. She took to the air to examine the roof of the tower so she didn't have to watch or hear what followed.

She reached out a hoof, not quite touching the roof, feeling for magic like you'd often felt for lightning in a cloud. There is none. She dropped down and hovered over the floor, feeling for magic, and even at the balcony, it practically thrummed with power. So, he was an Earth pony after all, she thought, All the power comes from beneath, not from above.

Dandelion and Snowflower looked like they were asleep. Grass Light looked like he'd been run over by a couple of wagons, the way his limbs were twisted. The knife was back in the sheathe.

"He'll live," the Big Guy said, "He just won't be very happy."

Derpy nodded and flew over towards the Big Guy.

"Now you've got something to tell me," he said and smiled, back to the male she loved so.

She hovered over and hugged him. "Everything is in the floor," she said, "I think. I want to check the pedestal to be sure."

"Don't touch it," he warned as he hugged her back.

She released him and hovered a short distance away. "I know," she said, then added, "But thank you for watching out for me."

"Ditto," he replied.

She checked the base, which was rich with power, the Heart itself of course, and the upper pillar had almost none. It all came together in her mind. "Boom and Zoom," she said as she approached him. She was overjoyed to see he understood instantly.

"Let's get the approach that gives you the most Boom and Zoom," he said and began looking out the various windows and balconies.

It struck her again how changeable he could be. It's directed at protecting those inside his 'bubble', she thought, But it can be fearsome, if you don't take the warning.

"Okay, this should let you go the fastest," he said, "Build up speed, through the balcony window, then to the Heart and out. You'll have to cut each window pretty close, but once you're outside, you'll have plenty of space to slow down."

"What about you?" she asked, "Are you going to be on the other balcony?"

"Actually, I was planning on climbing up there and watching," he said and pointed up the tower, "He didn't booby-trap the outside, remember?"

Derpy nodded. "Let me fly through a couple of times slow, then I'll go through full speed," she said.

"Good plan," he said and walked onto the balcony, "I'll be over here."

The train was clear and was slowly moving across the plain. "Why aren't those wheels just digging into the ground?" Vladimir asked as he walked beside it, occasionally crouching down to get a better look, "This can't possibly work."

"Oh me," Flim started.

"Oh my," Flam continued, "Our defluidizer has him stumped."

"Baffled," Flim said.

"And befuddled," Flam agreed.

"Ah, a fluidized bed can make sand act like water, flowing easily. So you somehow have the ground resist the flow like the rails do, very clever," Vladimir said and looked up at the trio of utterly stunned unicorns, "It's obvious once I heard the name."

"It is?" Shining Armor exclaimed.

Flim took off his hat and held it over his heart. "I think I'm going to like it here."

His brother was wiping happy tears from his eyes.

"Let me give you a ride into town so we can check up on the festival," Vladimir said to Shining as he gestured to the battleship.

"That, I want to study," Flim said.

"I as well," said Flam.

"You may have to," Vladimir said, "She's got some issues."

"No flares from the city," Green Grass said, "So I assume it's all going well."

Vladimir sighed. "Don't forget, the climber didn't think Discord or Nightmare Moon were 'serious problems.'"

"That's why I gave the rocket to Dinky," Green Grass said and Vladimir facehoofed.

"It's always good to have clever staff officers," Armor said and patted him on the shoulder.

The Big Guy tested his leg. "That's either dislocated or broken." The Crystal Heart was gone, but the roof had become black crystals and dumped him back into the throne room. Landing on the back of Sombra's throne had done him no favors. Black crystals grew steadily around him. They'd already sealed the stairwell at the center of the room.

"Well that'll explain away the changelings," he muttered as the crystals had overgrown the corpses, and had surrounded and lifted Grass Light halfway to the ceiling. "I would get you as a cellmate."

The unicorn let out a screech an owl would have been proud of, probably from his attempt to move. "I'm blind!" he shouted, "What have you done?"

"I glued your eyes shut," the Big Guy said, "You could only see your own ambition, so I figured you didn't need them. I can gouge them out if you think that's better."

"No," Grass Light whispered.

The Big Guy touched the crystals and yanked his hand back as if the surface were burning. His limited lessons with Dinky and the Crusaders didn't answer the question forming in his mind. "What do you know about storing energy in crystals?"

"I know that steam engines and crossbows are safer," Grass Light said, then rested his muzzle against the crystals trapping him, "Oh dear."

"That's what I thought," the Big Guy said.

"You have to get me out of here!" Grass Light said and hissed in pain as he flopped helplessly against the crystals imprisoning him, "For Celestia's mercy, help me!"

"We're both inside the trap," the Big Guy said, "If I could help myself, I'd help you." He pulled the disk out, "Selene, can you hear me?"

"Yes, loud and clear," came the excited voice, "Derpy brought the Heart, but the top of the tower's all black. Should I come up and get you?"

"Under no circumstances! Sombra had another trap, and it's a mean one. You remember what that shotgun did, when I was teaching you and Dinky to never touch it unsupervised."

"I remember being glad that wasn't my real stuffie," Selene said.

"Well, I think that's the trap, except they're huge, big enough to cover the whole city. Now listen carefully, and repeat these instructions back. Fire the success and the emergency codes."

"Fire the success and the emergency codes," came the wavering voice.

"Get everyone directly beneath the palace, or completely out of the city."

"Get everyone beneath - directly beneath the palace, or completely out of the city."

"That's it. Now if Celly or Luna are there, put them on," the Big Guy said, ignoring the terrified whisperings of Grass Light.

"Celly here," came another voice.

"There are crystals growing in here. They are building up an energy charge. Once it reaches a critical point, they'll explode. The fragments can reach probably the entire city. Celly, open fire with everything you've got on the top of the tower. I don't know the yield on these crystals, or how fast they're powering up to blow, but from what little I know, it'll scythe the town flat."

"What?!"

The Big Guy briefly thought Celly had squealed that, then he looked at Grass Light. "If these crystals blow, we're just as dead. Suck it up and die with some dignity!"

"We're on it," Celly's voice told him.

A stream of urine ran down the crystal wall, sizzling and popping as it went.

"And you thought Blueblood was a coward?" the Big Guy said disdainfully.

He heard the impacts begin, some lighter, and some pierced the wall, and burned through the other side.

"That's good shooting you two," he said quietly. He raised the disk. "Vladimir, or anyone else, we could use your help. We have a situation here."

"We are there," came a soft voice he didn't recognize.

Cadence had sent the few dragons ahead and they were already firing on the cancerous top of the palace. The Constitution didn't have far to go either, but they had preparations. Then they had a concern that turned into a joy. Four, huge, blue-veined, green dragons had dropped out of the clouds and commenced fire on the tower. Crystals fell away in droves, but more grew to take their place. The citizens who'd been preparing the festival were huddled fearfully under the palace or running fearfully to put as much distance between themselves and the city as possible. The crystals that were sheered away burned themselves out when they fell, but nopony wanted to get hit by them.

Vladimir looked at the worried officers on the bridge. He was calm and collected, what they needed despite what he actually felt. "Okay, get to the lightning ports. We'll be concentrating all your power in one shot to take the top off the palace," Vladimir said.

The Changelings and unicorns headed for their stations, the Changelings becoming pegasi and unicorns as they left.

"You didn't mention the Big Guy is in there," Armor said quietly.

Vladimir signaled and the voices of the others filled the bridge.

"Continue firing!" the Big Guy's voice sounded ragged.

"You're hurt," Celly argued, "How much more can you take?"

"CONTINUE FIRING!" he ordered in return.

"Even Celly can't blast the top off of that tower, but I can," Vladimir said as he set the controls, "Odd, that my greatest action would also be to murder my dearest friend."

"Carrying that martyrdom a little tightly, aren't you?" Armor asked as he stepped up beside him.

Vladimir's hooves hovered over the controls, as if he'd forgotten what to do. "For a long time it was all I had," Vladimir said and resumed working.

"Not anymore," Armor began setting the controls similar to Vladimir's settings, "If someone needs to get his shining armor tarnished, it's me."

The spalling on the inside walls had cut and burned him as fragments of crystal and gobbets of molten material had touched him. He was hunkered down in the stairwell. But it wasn't deep enough to protect much of him. He could hear the difference between the hits by dragon fire, by Celly and Selene's magic, and the changelings who hurled themselves bodily against the walls.

He didn't wince as another blow scattered fragments across him. He'd covered his face as best he could, but there was no other protection he had. Somehow, he knew this was it. The last throw of the dice requires a sacrifice, so be it. This isn't the first time I've called down fire on my own position, he thought, feeling almost serene, But I never thought I'd have to do it here. Is all this because of me? If whatever Celestia's plan for this place was, would they have tripped the trap, would Sombra have even been a concern, or just target practice for the Elements? I don't know. I wanted them to grow up. To learn to be grown ups. This should do it.

He wiped the blood from his face and looked at Grass Light, who'd managed to avoid the worst of it.

I wonder if passing out from gibbering terror saved him. God loves fools, drunks and the United States of America, he thought, I wonder if I can qualify on points? he chuckled at that. The sound ebbed. Vladimir must be bringing the Constitution in. I wish I could tell him he was doing the right thing, but I don't know if that would be the right thing. I wonder what's going through Derpy's mind. This isn't her fault either. Sombra had a last trick we both missed. The others will look after her. But that's hardly fair after all they've been through, after what I've put them through. Odd that such weird creatures would tug at the heart. I don't think I could be 'attracted' to their full equine forms, but the human and in-between are attractive enough. Does that make me a 'bad' person for finding them sexy, for enjoying snuggling with their animal forms? He chuckled at that. I was a bad person before I ever came here. Such things to worry about at such a time. Who's here who would condemn you now?

A new voice came over the disk. "All forces, this is Discord, have monitored the situation, clear the field and standby for cornflakes."

"Anyone else, I'd put that down to transmission error," he said, and the walls began to glow.

Celly watched Discord pitch 'balls of light' at the dark crystals, as he raced in from wherever he'd been goofing off. No, he just wanted to make a dramatic entrance. She gasped, as did everyone else in the city, as the explosion covered the entire top of the castle's tower.

"No," she said, feeling astonishment that Discord could fail.

But he hadn't. Bowls floated down on little parachutes. She snagged one of them floating near her. It was filled with corn flakes, of course, but around the rim were portraits of all the new 'Lords of Crystal Republic'. Celly smirked at that as Discord bowed to the appreciative audience of Crystal Ponies and others.

Discord zipped into the top throne room, and removed the Big Guy, lowering him to the ground. The battered expression was far less than what Celly had expected. Probably due to Discord, she thought as she followed them down.

"So, how's about we fire this thing and get this party started!"

"How did Pinkie Pie get here?" Celly whispered to Discord.

"I brought her," Discord said, "That's why I wasn't here for the gripping action, and had to settle for the last-minute rescue."

"Your timing was perfect," the Big Guy said, "So let's light this thing, and then I want to sleep for a week."

The happy Crystal Ponies surrounded the Heart. Some of their leaders like Will o' Wisp pushed Vladimir and others to the front. Cadence and Armor were included by the people and they clustered together as the ponies bowed and lent their power to the Heart.

Celestia and Woona watched as the light from the north swept down and bathed Equestria in its illumination. There was a subtle nuance to the light, far more richly layered than Celestia remembered. Considering who all is up there, I shouldn't be surprised, she thought and smiled to Woona.

"I think they did rather well," Woona told her and smiled, "Not perfect, but rather well."

Celestia smiled, but wondered who else was reacting.

Nightmare shivered as if with an ague, and the wolf pressed close and whined unhappily at her distress. "I am going to start calling you 'Derpy Dog'," Nightmare said, and face pawed when her turning nasty buoyed his spirits. "I need a new job," she whispered, then continued tracking the fleeing tree spirit. "Or maybe a nice massacre."

Tom watched for any sign that the light had stirred the beast. After watching it for an hour, he headed home. He would be back tomorrow to check, but so far, all gambles were paying off. I'd like to feed you a passel of antimatter, but I'm not sure it would work, he thought as he slipped away.

Grass Light looked around unsuccessfully as his eyes were closed, the pain seemed to be gone, but he still couldn't move. "Don't worry," he heard from beside him, "I fixed you up, but you'll have to stay in that body cast."

Grass Light opened his eyes, a great relief, until he saw Discord looking down at him. He tried to tell Discord he wasn't afraid, but his mouth wouldn't work.

"Oh, I had your jaw wired shut," Discord said, "After all, fillies like you should be seen and not heard. And you are adorable if I do say so myself."

Filly?! Adorable?! he thought in horror, then he realized how tall things were, NO!

"I was considering just making the body cast half itching powder, but then I remembered that this little trick is just so much more acceptable. It gives Blueblood's mother a whole new chance to raise a filly properly, after she lost her son," Discord said and leaned close, "Isn't that a wonderful solution?"

Grass Light started to cry, for the first time in years.

"Oh Discord, you're such an equinitarian!" he vanished

NO! Grass Light thought as she considered her future. No, come back, please, just kill me!

"Hello Grass Light," Princess Buttercup stepped in front of Grass Light, "I'll be your foalsitter, and we'll have ever so much fun."

Her expression didn't promise anything the least bit fun.

Day 75

Discord looked around. "I silenced every alarm clock, rescheduled every appointment and put the whole country to sleep for a day, since two major battles in less than a week was enough excitement even for me. Oh, Celestia, Woona and the Mane 6 helped abolish that stupid lake commission and pack all the records for the Canterlot Archives, just oodles of fun, excitement and papercuts. NOT! Goodnight!"

Day 76

Nightmare walked up to the huge, buffet table where breakfast was being served. She took two large fish off the buffet and dropped them at the wolf's feet, while she looked for the scrambled eggs. She took the whole tray and balanced it on her head.

"Somebody's hungry," the Big Guy commented of the pair from where he sat.

"What happened to you?" Nightmare asked, "I've eaten then crapped things in better condition than you."

"Sombra's last trap, " the Big Guy said, "There's a lot that's happened in the past few days."

"There's one more thing that's happened," Nightmare said and let the Big Guy set the tray of scrambled eggs on the table. Nightmare hopped up on a chair beside him, and buried her muzzle in the tray.

"I've decided I'm not going to be surprised by anything anymore," Cadence said as she entered, "She took all the eggs."

"Electric Cookie will have another tray," the Big Guy said, and headed over to get his breakfast from the buffet.

"Oh happy -" Flim began on entering.

"SILENCE!" Nightmare said raising up out of the tray, even with her muzzle plastered with scrambled eggs, she looked menacing. "No public singing before breakfast," she added, and returned to the tray of eggs.

"Not a morning person," Cadence said, as more of the inventors corps and other leaders dribbled into the banquet hall. She carried her toast, tea, and jam over and sat across from Nightmare, who had the tray trapped between the salt cellar and the condiment rack and was doing a good job of licking the steel clean. Cadence wisely decided not to say anything.

"Mphrfurlegly," Discord said as he slithered on his belly through the air.

"The green urn," the Big Guy said without taking his eyes off his oatmeal and coddled egg, or the reports he was reading, "And when she's conscious, Luna will thank you for your help."

Discord just took the green lid off, and poured an entire urn full of used coffee grounds down his gullet. "Ah," he said, "Ready to face a new day!"

Armor was about to say something when Vladimir just shook his head at him. Armor decided to take the unicorn's advice.

"Good morning, everypony!" Celly, Dinky and Derpy arrived and chorused.

"Morning Ponies," Trixie complained as she entered the hall, "I smell Worcester tea."

"Strong enough to dissolve a horseshoe," Glory said as she set out another tray of eggs, and a tray of fish before the Wolf. He gave her a lick across the face that set her back a step. She wiped her face on her apron, then poured Trixie a cup of tea from the yellow urn.

Trixie drank it, and seemed on the verge of screaming in terror. "That is the good stuff. Half and half with the breakfast stuff for the rest. Who else drinks that rocket fuel?"

Luna and Selene arrived. Luna headed straight for the yellow urn. Trixie and Glory got out of her way. Selene crawled into the Big Guy's lap and went back to sleep.

"I think we know who to thank for the countrywide picnic dream," the Big Guy said, scratching Selene behind the ears.

"Ask a silly question," Trixie said, "Where's the Sphinx?" She looked around.

"On KP, like I am for you in the morning," the Sphinx arrived with a tray of sweet rolls, and two pieces of bacon for the Big Guy, "Vladimir, was she like this when you were with her?"

"She didn't burn the gazpacho, if that's what you mean," Vladimir said as he set a very large salad at the table and sat down behind it, "But I did the cooking that needed doing." Fork in hoof, he began his deforestation.

"I can cook," Trixie protested, "You're just a lot better than I am," she admitted sheepishly.

Nightmare let out a belch, and slid the tray aside. "Okay, who wants to know where Molybdenum Blossom's secret headquarters is?" The complete set of malevolent grins made Nightmare Moon's spirit soar.

"Cadence," the Big Guy issued the alicorn into the room, where Glory, Holly Hock, and Forget-Me-Not waited.

Cadence recognized them from her dealing in Canterlot, and briefly from their sojourn in Ponyville. She waved, and was a bit worried that the just shuffled their hooves.

"These are Celestia's spies, they're very good at their jobs, and they have been watching me for Celestia and Sir Eagle Bell for some time," he said, stunning all the ponies. He turned to the trio. "You thought avoiding your restaurant was happenstance? First, I knew you were spies. Second, I really didn't have much money and no real assurance that I could get more, so eating out was a nonstarter from the get go."

Glory facehoofed. "We all knew you had that treasure chest full from the dragons," Glory said, "No one assumed you didn't know."

"Unless you'd delivered it to my doorstep, how could I have known?" the Big Guy said, "Third, I had and still have a freezer full of food that I needed to clear out, so unless you started doing the cooking, I wasn't going to let all that go to waste. Anyway, they'll ferret out any secrets Celestia or the Canterlot bureaucracy needs to know, so then you and Armor can concentrate on helping run the government. Instead of reporting on our activities yourselves. That should help cement you choosing the Republic's side over Equestria's. Now, while Vladimir would balk at it, we may send a formal letter for a Consulate, not a full Embassy, and those three can be the Consul-General and her staff."

Now it was Glory's turn to panic. "I'm a solder, I've got no idea how to be an Ambassador!"

"It's easy, spy on everyone, lie to the people around you, and tell the truth to your political masters no matter how unpleasant," the Big Guy said, "Derpy's working on the mail service, but I think she'd like a break and she's still a Mailmare with Special credentials. So if you give her a diplomatic pouch, she's duty-bound not to tamper with it or let anyone else open it."

Cadence shook her head. "Why do I always feel like I walked into the second half of a movie when I deal with you?" Cadence asked.

"Because you haven't come up with anything new, and you feel left behind. Your colonists idea was original, and I had to play catchup with that," the Big Guy said, "But I'm used to living a life were taking thinking on two-wheels is a given, because you not only have to think ten steps ahead, but you have to figure out how to salvage one of your previous steps after it fails. All at the same time."

Cadence stared. She was sure she was thinking, because she was aware of her eyes blinking.

The pegasus, bless her heart, just ignored what she didn't understand when 'officers' discussed it. "So, if you knew we were spies, why discuss the plans for Molly-Be-Damned in front of us?" Forget-Me-Not asked, "If you knew we were going to report it to Equestria."

"Because I knew you were going to report it to Equestria," the Big Guy explained, "And they wouldn't believe me if I reported it."

Cadence reeled slightly at that.

"Stop," the Big Guy ordered, "If you four are trying to think like me, just stop, you'll hurt yourselves. Discord and Tom are only now mastering my twists of logic and leaps of intuition. Nightmare is only now plumbing the depths of my joyous cynicism without falling into utter despair, and neither is very good at the other. Part of the basis of my friendship with them, is I'm more them than they are."

Holly Hock raised a hoof. "Permission to go soak my head in a bucket of cold bleach. My brain needs to cool off and I need to forget what I just heard."

"Just accept that you'll be a chef in a consulate rather than the capital," the Big Guy said, "And as an easy starting task, go look into the food situation. For some reason, they have a huge stockpile of preserved food, and they have been living off that, while they've been tending crops. I doubt they went the 'Soylent Green is Ponies' route, but what is that stuff, why is it running out and what can we do about it? And why aren't they eating the crops? Now, while I want to know the answers too, there are a huge number of Equestrian farmers who would love to know that this season more food will have a market, maybe next season they'll have competitors, and they'll appreciate knowing what that competition will be selling."

"Whose side are you on?" Holly Hock asked. Forget-Me-Not had wandered over to a couch and was taking a nap.

"My people's side," the Big Guy answered, "This year we need outside sources, and next year we need to avoid a trade war with our nearest neighbor." He looked over at Cadence. "That's the kind of mental gymnastics Celestia, and Woona, do all the time: what do we need now, what do we need in the future, and how can I get people to give/sell it to me because they think it's in their best interests to do so?"

Cadence shook her head. "Why would you be helping Equestria? I thought you didn't like it. Or its ruler."

"Disapproving of someone's job performance isn't the same as hating them, and having profound disagreements with a culture isn't the same as planning their extermination," the Big Guy said. "We may need a trading partner, but not a mother hen who doesn't understand us."

Cadence nodded.

"The next thing we need to discuss, since we have removed that oh so friendly door," the Big Guy said, and shook his head.

"The one you made explode," Forget-Me-Not said from the couch, proving she was listening.

Cadence had been there and still wanted an explanation of what the Big Guy did.

He continued before she could ask. "That's neither here nor there," the Big Guy said, "We have access to all of Sombra's papers. And you'd better ask Celestia, WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS PLAYING AT WITH SOMBRA, WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO WARN HER ABOUT THE SCHOOMZE BEFORE HE WENT NUTS?!"

Cadence noted that while she'd withstood the Big Guy's fury, the other three were hiding under the couch. "Not the most diplomatic phrasing."

"I want the spies to report back how angry I am about that," he said, "Before I make sure everyone on this planet finds out it was her fault."

Shining Armor didn't want to admit he'd seen this before. There are things about my career I don't talk about, he thought as he looked around Sombra's private office.

"I would have expected torn up pictures of Celestia," Cadence said as she looked around in terror at the neatness, the almost harmonious arrangement. "It's like a story, a mural for anyone who came in here to instantly understand. The colored yarn is a nice touch." She shivered. "But it's still terrifying."

Armor peered closely at the wax impression and hoof-stamp on one of the replies to Sombra's entreaty. Looks authentic, if ancient, he thought, 'Relinquish the throne, usurper.' This had to have been a functionary, Celestia would never be so . . . now she wouldn't be, this is over a thousand years ago. No wonder she wants to take time to carefully listen.

"These are in chronological order?" Glory asked, practically glued to the Big Guy's hip as she looked around.

"His letter, and her responses," the Big Guy said, "Maps of the advance. Armor take a look at this."

Shining really didn't want to. But I need to understand the problem, he told himself as he closed in and so did Cadence. The map looked a little like a solved crossword puzzle. The words forming a series of lines over the map, without apparent rhyme or reason.

"When it started here, it was 'King Sombra' and 'Smooze'," the Big Guy said as he pointed to a map that had many horizontal and vertical lines of text interlinked. The 'moo' of Smooze linked to a perpendicular 'King Sombra' by the o or m. Sometimes horizontal to vertical, other times vertical to horizontal.

He indicated the next section. "When it crossed the northernmost border, it stayed 'King Sombra', but it changed to 'Shmooze'."

Armor saw the change in pattern, and it occupied the border march of the map, exactly as the Big Guy described it.

"Then it crossed this river, it becomes 'Schmooze' and just 'Sombra'," the Big Guy said and pointed to the criss-cross pattern.

Armor looked at it, and shivered. Cadence nuzzled him, grinned when he looked at her.

"There's a folder in the cabinets, about the chronology, but no notes on why that river is so important." The Big Guy gestured at the one thing that instantly changed the room from an odd piece of visual art/history to full-blown madness.

The cabinets were heavily reinforced steel, and they looked like they'd been kicked off the edge of Canterlot to the mountain below, gouged and punctured with a horn. Are those tooth marks? Armor wondered as he looked closely at the battered cabinets that would have resisted anything but an alicorn or the Elements themselves, damaged, dented, punctured. Yes, chewed on, Armor said and shivered, To have the meticulously ordered 'story' and supporting detail, and the results of an utterly insane rage, both in the same room. Even Cadence's reassuring presence couldn't keep him from shivering again.

"I don't think we're dealing with a rational pony here," Armor said.

"Ya think?" the Big Guy said, "When you read what the Smooze/Shmooze/Schmooze does to people: ponies, minotaurs, dragons, etc. you start to understand why he got desperate and a bit unhinged. Sounds like the Borg crossed with ISO 9001." The Big Guy paused. "Never mind the references, it means no chaos, but no harmony either, just existing, not living. A plant in the fields would have a greater chance to actually accomplish something other than keeping itself fed."

"Okay, this is bad," Glory said as she managed to get herself unstuck from the Big Guy, but drifted back as she looked about the room, only to catch herself and move away. "But how is it Celestia's fault?"

The Big Guy walked back to the wall. "Look at these entries," the Big Guy said, "They went on for months, and about this point, he started getting form letters in return, which means she'd handed it off to some flunky. Worse, one without the common sense to bring the dire danger to Celestia's attention. Whether she agreed with him or not, she ensured she wasn't acting on critical intelligence. This thing will squash Equestria, if we don't stop it first."

"What could she have done back then?" Vladimir asked, "If that movie about it is accurate, she'd had to have combined all the heavy magic users of the time: Tirek, Discord, herself and Luna, and that still might not have had any effect. As bad as it sounds, what happened was the best thing to happen. The whole thing got sealed until we had people who could solve it." Vladimir gestured at the assembled group. "This time, the 'Evil Sealed in a Can' gets to see a stronger force, rather than a weaker one."

The others glanced around at each other.

Vladimir waved a hoof at the walls. "I could have done the same, recorded every slight and jab from her, and not done my job of being an adequate soldier and truth speaker. He didn't, he should have quit trying to deal with Equestria and informed the Griffons, the Dragon and the other advanced races of Equestria. Instead, he had a temper tantrum, failed changing himself into an alicorn and went completely mad."

Vladimir looked around. "Let's get out of this mausoleum." He stared pointedly at the Big Guy. "It's making all of us crazy." He looked away. "-er."

"Oh ha, ha," the Big Guy said but left as the rest of the group left.

They trooped out of the room, up the stairs to the former throne room, not a small museum and viewing platform. The Crystal Ponies there just saluted and went on with their sightseeing and peering with amazement at the extent of the view.

Armor sighed at that. We can't convince them we aren't lords, and that once they hold elections, their people will be in charge, he thought.

"As much as I hate to admit it," Shining said, "Discord's enforced vacation was a good idea. A day off just running around playing was what all of us needed, and what none of us would ever allow ourselves or each other." He looked over his shoulder at the others "We're too used to having problems to solve. A day off is beyond our comprehension."

"True or not," the Big Guy said, "We are still going to have to deal with that thing up north, unless we know it's going to give us enough time to deal with our 'other' problem."

Molly Dee's lair, Armor translated, We've got the troops, but we've got to completely obliterate the place. Capturing her and her thralls will still leave a huge problem of something 'stored' there getting loose.

"Short of a sunburst," the Big Guy said, "I don't see a simple solution."

"What about those plant dragons? They seem friendly enough," Glory asked.

"Derpy's working with them to take mail to Vanhoover to get it into the Equestrian mail system," the Big Guy said, "So, another problem solver. As for your question, even their fire isn't hot enough to cleanse that place. Remember, I was on the inside of Sombra's little trap. Only Selene's, Luna's and Celly's blast penetrated both sides. The dragons cause spalling, but they didn't penetrate."

"Like when Auntie Celestia and Luna dealt with the plant monster in the Everfree," Cadence said, "We need to rain fire down on the place until it's burnt out like an infection."

"Short of a very dangerous kind of weapon," the Big Guy said, "How do we generate that kind of heat? Throwing the kid in the locomotive's fire chest doesn't sound very humane, and she doesn't have the output. We need to heat the whole complex up to incandescence. Not nice, but otherwise we'll see her again."

"Or one of her experiments," Armor said and nodded, "They may be worse. At least she is rational."

"For a certain level of rational," Vladimir agreed, "But it's clear that she's the one who put that very clever plant trap near the Castle of the Pony Sisters, before Celestia abandoned it. Although I wonder if Discord's Plunder Vines suppressed it, until Celestia vacated the area."

"Why would he . . . ?" Glory began, then noticed the thoughtful looks on all the others, "He, and Princess Celestia?" Glory whispered.

"More like wishing, but yes," the Big Guy said, "He is quite taken with her."

"How?" Glory asked, "Why?"

"As an ancient philosopher once opined, 'She fills gaps, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.'," the Big Guy said, "It isn't so much that he's the one person not the least bit intimidated by her, but he also has learned from Prince Blueblood, that everyone, no matter how high and mighty and seemingly wise, needs someone to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Discord already knows the truth can hurt, but he's also learning that the truth can stretch the mind, like a good tonic and exercise."

"Well, as a truth speaker," Vladimir said, "You need to take Derpy, Dinky, Luna and Selene off for a while and be a family. Recent events are pushing you to what we call sunstroke, and it seems even you aren't immune."

The Big Guy frowned. Most of his injuries had been minor, but there had been a lot of them. "And if Molly D attacks?"

"We'll have guards around you, and guards watching for her. She's not the real problem, cleansing her base is," Vladimir said, "We can eat most of her minions, but not her base."

He frowned again, but saw all the ponies had collected under Vladimir's banner on this one. "Fine, a couple days off. But getting Luna and Derpy to agree will be the hard part." Then he facepalmed. "You discussed it with them before you brought it up with me."

"Actually Derpy brought it up and asked for our help. 'Mass our forces and outflank the main defenses', Dinky suggested," Armor said.

"She's getting too clever by half," the Big Guy said.

"Take after her father," Vladimir said as the others chuckled.

Derpy looked herself over, then nearly facehoofed. Why do I do his to myself all the time? she asked, 'Am I a pretty enough pony to attract his eye?' But he's not interested in ponies that way. Ponies are for cuddling in his view, and I'm plenty good at cuddling. Satisfied, she trotted out among the group, and smiled at all her friends. Luna's the only one as nervous as am, Derpy thought, Celly isn't, but she's got Celestia's looks, which don't really help here. Derpy smirked at how ridiculous it all seemed.

The Big Guy walked in, looked at all the assembled mares, and seemed almost ready to back up, when Nightmare and her wolf-friend put their heads against his butt and pushed him deeper into the room.

"I'm going, I'm going," he complained, but Nightmare didn't stop until he was at the central floor pad. He looked at the collection, and glared at Nightmare, who replied with a doggy laugh. "What's all this in aid of?" he asked.

"We saw your expression while you fought the door," Celly said, "And your expression when it, well, melted." Celly shivered, remembering the absolute fury and hatred of his grimace.

Derpy hovered up and began unbuttoning his shirt. "We're worried about you," she said and stroked his bare chest with a gentle hoof, "And we have a way that's always made you feel better, more relaxed."

"Not that," Trixie said as she approached, she lit her horn and lowered the Big Guy to a sitting position. "Just making you feel safe, surrounded by friends and protectors. We can look after you."

The Big Guy frowned, like he always did when others tried to look after him. Derpy was patient. He's going to give in, she thought, But he has to settle the thought in his mind. She settled next to him and snuggled against him. Dinky laid down on his feet. The Big Guy frowned again, but let the mares 'win' as he laid down and let them snuggle against him, making a 'blanket' of extended wings.

Celestia looked over the mud brown, gray-maned Earth pony she'd become, and the similarly colored, earth pony stallion ahead of her. "Discord, change us back," she hissed.

"Oh come now," Discord said, "You want to get with ordinary ponies, this is the best way." He turned back to face her. "The castle's right over there. If you can convince the guards, you can be back in your own bed in under an hour."

"Stuck as an earth pony," Celestia said.

"I'm not completely cruel, the first light of day will dispel the spell, and Woona can prove just how much two alicorns are needed," Discord said and continued walking, "Just like you proved to Luna."

Celestia growled and trotted after him. The tavern they entered was distinctly working class. Most of the patrons stared at the pair entering and kept a subdued air as they watched the pair. Celestia's comforting words died in her throat as the obvious displeasure radiating from every eye.

"Cider," Discord-pony said to the bartender.

The old stallion put a pair of mugs on the counter, and poured a measure in each mug. Discord put some bits down and drank his down. Celestia collected hers and drifted after Discord, who was heading towards a pool table in the corner of the tavern. Since no one was using it, he chalked a cue and racked the balls up for a game. A few of the regulars drifted over to watch. When Discord managed to knock a ball off the corner of the triangle and sink it, the others began murmuring.

Celestia had heard a few mutters about 'fleecing them', she now heard comments about 'pair a' sharks'. Discord continued sinking balls, not using his powers, except passively, giving himself the skill and reflexes to play superbly. But after sinking six balls, one just hovered on the rim of the pocket. Discord handed Celestia the cue and stepped back to watch.

Celestia was out of practice, it wasn't a game of the Canterlot elites after all. She managed to sink the ball Discord had left hanging, and position the cue ball to possibly sink another. She managed to get that one, and the next, but missed the fourth.

Discord took back the cue, ran the table, then racked the balls up again. No one challenged him, so he handed Celestia the cue and stepped back.

While I hate why I'm here, she thought, I'm here. Just play along.

Initially Discord won most of the games, but never by a wide margin. As Celestia relearned the subtleties of the game, she began challenging him. He occasionally ordered more cider, and the usual patrons watched the pair of newcomers expertly play the game.

It was just before midnight when Discord called a halt. "Sorry, mares and gents, but I've got work tomorrow."

The crowd parted to let them out, and the pair were soon trotting through the cool night air. Woona had outdone herself on the skies and Celestia wanted to simply stand and watch them, but she also wanted to follow Discord. "What was that all for?" she asked.

"Simple, you don't know how to make friends, so I'm going to show you. Those ponies wanted us gone when we walked in, but just by being interesting, they decided they'd rather have us around than not. They aren't going to seek us out, yet. But I'll bet you that tomorrow, they'll get out of our way as we head to the pool table, and the bartender will bring a couple ciders to the table."

Celestia sighed at his audacity. "What do you get if you win?"

"I get to watch you make friends, while I win," Discord said, "So it's a positive sum game, we can both win, or we can both lose, there's no instance where I win and you don't."

Celestia growled, but he walked on, and someone had to keep an eye on him. She changed back to her normal form just before they came in sight of the main gate.

"There you go," Discord, also back in his normal form, said, "Safe and sound. Now, I have other people to annoy." He vanished and Celestia was left with the awful feeling he was going to do it again tomorrow night.

And there's nothing I can do to stop him, she thought as she trotted up to the guards, and had to deal with their stunned amazement that she was walking in.

39) When Life . . . Lemons, Sell Them at a Profit

Cultural Artifacts - When Life . . . Lemons, Sell Them at a Profit
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 77

Derpy woke, not that she wanted to. Snuggled up against The Big Guy with all her friends and family clustered all around her. She looked around briefly. Only Nightmare and the Wolf weren't part of the pony pile. She considered nodding to them, but saw they were apparently asleep. She settled back against the Big Guy, back into his arms, and went back to sleep.

Nightmare watched the 'pony-ninja' trying to creep across the floor against the wall. She would have done better with a color other than black, Nightmare thought as she stood and headed towards the invader. She glanced back at the wolf, who had picked up and set down his paw, then grinned and trotted towards the invader. Oh, now he understands why I had our nails clipped, she thought, We won't go clicking across the crystal floors.

The first warning the ninja got was when the wolf seized her by the throat and Nightmare knocked the weapon out of the pony's hoof and helped drag the pony from the room.

Once they were outside Nightmare kicked one of the guards in passing, and didn't awaken him. More to worry about, she thought as she spotted Discord approaching as the wolf battered the pony against a column until all the fight was knocked out of her.

"I'm not going to lie to you about your chances," Nightmare told the battered pony, "Because you haven't got any. But, if you tell us everything, my friend there will kill you quickly. Otherwise, the Big Guy will keep you alive, for days, until he's certain that you've told him everything you've ever heard of."

"I'm not afraid of you," the pony said through a split lip and with several missing teeth.

"Good," Nightmare said, "Because you see, Discord, and I, Nightmare Moon, when we want to scare each other, we tell Ponyville Monster stories." Nightmare smiled. Discord smiled. The wolf smiled.

The pony fainted.

The ninja-pony woke, looked at the wolf. The wolf absolutely grinning at her. The wolf grinning at her with all those sharp, white teeth. She screamed and began running, her hooves scrabbling on the smooth crystal floor. The columns of the corridor passed by as she ran. She glanced over her shoulder at the wolf gently loping after her. She ran faster.

Nightmare hovered unseen over the pony, and signaled for accompaniment. An equally invisible Discord began with a horn and a snare drum played with a brush.

"Oh, the wolf, babe, has such teeth, dear," Nightmare sang to the panicking pony, "And he shows them pearly white."

The ninja looked back at the smiling wolf, at all those white teeth, screamed and she put on more speed.

"Just a dreamscape has Nightmare Moon, babe," Nightmare sang, "So that keeps it, ah, out of sight. Ya know when that wolf bites with his teeth, babe? Scarlet runnels start to spread. Fancy mind tricks has Nightmare Moon, babe. So there's never, never a trace of red."

"AH!" the pony screamed as she suddenly saw the wolf coming straight towards her from the front. Hooves scrabbled on the smooth crystal. She managed to stop and get turned around, then had to start accelerating away from the wolf as he trotted after her.

"Now d'ja hear 'bout Ninja Pony? She disappeared, babe," Nightmare sang, a little miffed at the screaming ruining two entire verses she thought were very clever, "After doin' somethin' truly rash? And now ole' Nightmare is mixing concrete. Do you think there's soon to be a splash?"

The pony saw the door ahead and crashed through it. Landing on a boat in the middle of the lake. Specifically landing her hooves in a large bucket of concrete, which she couldn't pull her legs out of. She looked at Nightmare wolf standing beside her and the wolf on the other side. She screamed and struggled to extract her hooves, or topple over. Neither worked.

What the two used their teeth on, was not her flesh, but lifting the handles on the tub.

"NO!" she screamed before they dropped her in the water.

The pony gasped from being dry and able to breathe again, knew she was dreaming, but she still couldn't escape the terror that pursued her. Whether she turned left or right, a monster beyond comprehension faced her. Barbed tentacles grabbed at her, but she dodged. The tentacles couldn't close, but each left painful welt as she pulled away. She ran, the marks slowly adding up, covering her with an aura of burning pain that her aching lungs added to as she gasped to keep breathing as she ran.

Nightmare watched the wounds, weariness, and most importantly despair build up in the victim. Discord floated beside her as he watched the ninja-pony running through the forest in growing terror. She looked over, and noted that he wasn't exactly approving, but he wasn't planning to intervene.

"Are you going to tell her she's just running in a ring?" Discord politely asked.

"No," Nightmare said, "Where would learning go if I gave the answers easily? I'm letting her get all this marvelous exercise before I ask questions. She'll owe me."

Discord snorted.

Nightmare returned her attention to her victim. When she's given up, Nightmare thought, then I'll start politely asking questions.

She'd broken Luna much the same way, getting her to concentrate on the illusion, without realizing that's all it was. That she could quit 'playing the game;' any time she wanted.

"How did Celestia not notice Luna's distress?" Discord asked as the pony tried to climb a tree to escape the ground-bound tentacle creatures.

Then the ninja realized that there were wolves in the trees. Smiling wolves, with lovely white teeth and breath that smelled of pony entrails. She screamed, all the way to the ground. Even through the bone-jarring collision.

"I don't know, but it weighed heavily on Luna's mind," Nightmare said, "None of my blandishments would have worked if Celestia had listened like the Big Guy does. I don't know how he does it, but I'd never be able to affect his 'harem'." Nightmare grinned. "Even you."

"So it wasn't breaking her connection to Celestia?" Discord asked as if missing or ignoring the vague insult.

"I never had to slowly undermine that, like I had to do with some of her allies," Nightmare said. She considered and stared at Discord. "What are you hoping to learn?"

"To understand what happened," Discord said distractedly.

"What's the fascination?" Nightmare asked as she turned her attention back to the pony.

Discord sighed. "Don't you ever get lonely, feel like just having a discussion, even an argument with someone else?"

"No," Nightmare said.

Discord pointed his snout at the wolf. "Yes, just being quiet together."

Nightmare snorted at that. Watched the pony run screaming from the wolf as waving tentacles sprouted from his shoulders. He accepts them, she freaks out, Nightmare thought, Odd.

Day 78

Celestia raised the sun as Woona lowered the moon.

"You keep sighing," Woona said.

Celestia looked at Woona. "Discord has been playing more of his games."

"Oh?" Woona asked, "You don't seem to be terribly affected by it."

Celestia looked at her and frowned. "I don't like being dragged around. I get enough of that from 'tradition'."

"Your own fault," Woona said.

"How so?" Celestia asked and followed Woona as she walked towards the Royal Breakfast Buffet. Celestia glanced around and felt the missing presence of Blueblood. While technically, any of the 'royal family' could attend, only Blueblood never took the hint that Celestia might want to be alone for a little while.

I miss his 'mindless chatter', except it wasn't, it was a briefing on the machinations of the court, she thought, How do I apologize to him?

"Leave him alone, and let him do his thing," Discord said as he sat beside the dining table in what could only be called a chair in the most delusional fever dreams, yet somehow it fit him, both physically and metaphorically, "Good tea, nice house." Discord sipped tea. "Oh, sorry, I turned all the tea to coffee, how fiendish of me."

"Let me get my sword so I can smite you on each shoulder," Woona said as she poured coffee into a large bowl, added a huge amount of cream and honey. Then a large dollop of oatmeal. Woona drank the concoction, and began preparing another.

Celestia poured a small amount of coffee from the first of five urns of 'tea'. Then the next. She savored the slightly bitter liquid, and moved to the next.

"Thank you, Discord," Woona said, and Celestia noted that Woona was glaring at her.

"Thank you," Celestia said, but frowned.

"Don't mention it. I mean it, no one will believe you, and it'll risk me being thrown out of the villain's hall of fame. Oh, I had Fluttershy warn the fish and ducks, but this afternoon, the reflecting pool is going to freeze over. I suggest a bit of ice skating is in order. After all, I'll challenge you, and if you win, the pond will melt at tomorrow's sunrise. If you lose, it'll melt normally."

"Why?" Woona asked, while Celestia tried not to grind her teeth.

"Chaos, of course," Discord said and shrugged, "But I don't necessarily want to panic anypony."

"What happens if we tell everypony?" Woona asked.

"Who would believe you?" Discord asked and vanished. A moment later, his hand reappeared and pulled the chair after him.

Once she was sure he was really gone, Celestia turned on Woona. "Why are you encouraging him?" she asked.

"As long as he's trying to behave, I'll do nothing to set him off," Woona said, "I don't want to make him behaving any harder than it already is." She looked at Celestia, examining, weighing her and her reaction. "Besides. How long has it been since you were ice skating? You might want to practice before the contest."

Celestia grumbled at that.

He hadn't ever seen the pony who was awaiting him in his office. "Do I know you?" the Big Guy asked, leaving the door open so the guards could hear.

The pony was crystal, like many of the other local ponies. She was as close to monochrome as a pony ever got. Her blue hide, mane and tail were nearly the same color. The eyes were yellow, but that seemed the sole concession to being colorful. "I have been told that you're a good man, despite how you look."

He let that pass as typical pony xenophobia. "Thank you very much."

"There are things going on, things that you aren't being told that you need to know," she said and glanced at the door.

He closed the door behind him. "I'm listening."

He'd never seen the pony who was awaiting him in his office before. "Can I help you?" Vladimir asked, dropping into his 'charming prince' persona.

The yellow pony with the pinkish mane nodded. Blueblood had been quite taken with Fluttershy on seeing her occasionally in Ponyville, and her sudden arrival at the Gala after he'd struggled to scrape off Rarity, had cemented his desire to meet her. This one had none of Fluttershy's crippling shyness, but none of that mare's inner fire either, the physical appearance, while nice to look at, was utterly lacking.

"I need to warn you. There are still Sombra partisans in the city. They're working with other ponies, and . . . well, others," she said quietly, forcing Vladimir to remain quiet so he could hear clearly.

"I assure you, we are taking steps to find those people," Vladimir promised the pony.

"But who is looking?" she asked, showing some intensity finally, "And who is finding, but not removing?"

Vladimir considered, but kept his face from showing any concern that one person was doing most of the looking and finding. But perhaps all the removing that should be happening, isn't, he thought, but nodded to the mare.

Jonny Cake and Johnny Appleseed had come to accept a lot of weird things without panicking. A wall of vines reading books elicited a desire to be neighborly, rather than panicky. Johnny took one of the unoccupied vines and pulled it towards the office, and the books therein. Likewise, Jonny collected another 'unoccupied' vine and entered the Big Guy's former bedroom and indicated the bookcase there.

The pair watched as those books too were perused.

"What ya suppose it's looking for?" Jonny asked.

"Somethin' important," Johnny replied, "Least it's mannerly about it."

The pair of displaced Apples nodded to each other, and decided to leave the vines to their reading, and head to the library. The language barrier was still there, but written Equestrian hadn't changed too much for Spike to interpret.

Twilight had spent most of the previous night studying, so could be excused for not immediately noticing the collection of vines dominating the library.

"SPIKE!" the unicorn shouted as she looked around frantically.

"It's all right," Spike called from the depths of the thicket, "They signed a library card, and they haven't checked anything out yet. Just think of all the fun you'll have reshelving everything."

"Spike, they might be dangerous," Twilight called and she wormed through the moving vines.

"Oh. That's great news, Twilight," Spike said as he opened a gap through the 'hedge' and let her inside, where a number of books lay open on the largest table in the library. "If that's what they're, he's, she's - they're interested in, the more dangerous they are, the better."

"What are you talking . . . about?" Twilight asked as she stared at the books, some she was certain weren't in the library that she knew about, it was clear the vines had been more thorough in their search for hidey-holes in the library than she had, or perhaps, they had help. The books they contemplated all seemed to be a study of one thing. The Schmooze. "Oh, dear," Twilight said as she looked over the passages the books had been left open to. "This is not good."

"Not good? It's a disassper!" Discord said as he looked over the books, "We could lose our butts over this!"

Twilight frowned.

"Oh, look at this!" Discord said as he perused The Care and Feeding of Your Smooze.

Twilight looked and her heart sank. "That was written by Molybdenum Blossom."

"Well, what do you know?" Discord said as he looked at the book, "So it is. Guess what that means to the Big Guy's plot to take it out?"

Twilight blanched at that. She barely noticed Jonny and Johnny entering. Discord said something to them in their own language. They responded.

"Oh, good news, the plants are also reading the Big Guy's library," Discord told her, "Has anyone checked on the - well you know, the walls have ears."

Ears appeared on the plants.

"I sent out a message to the princesses, and haven't heard back," Spike admitted.

"Wait a second!" Twilight said, "The plants can read the Big Guy's language?"

"Can't everybody?" Discord asked.

Spike belched out a scroll, Discord caught it before Twilight could. He scanned it briefly. "Oh, dear," Discord said, "Well must see about life on another planet. You know, I really did like this place." He tossed the scroll to Twilight before disappearing.

Celestia's message said simply 'We are looking into it.'

"It can't be as bad as he's painting it," Spike said, "Or Celestia wouldn't be so calm about it."

"Spike, I am not so sure. For once, I think this time we might be over our heads," Twilight said and indicated a passage, "This says Schmooze ooze is resistant to even Alicorn magic."

"Oh," Spike said.

Sapphire watched a phalanx of changelings shaped like pegasi. Under Derpy's direction, each one cut a small cloud from a building thunderhead. One at a time, they pushed the clouds close to the rock Dinky was waving around with her telekinesis.

Derpy's attack run was perfect, except for the cloud zapping her as well as the target. The changelings followed her example, diving on the rock and more often than not, hitting it with the bulk of the cloud's charge.

In the distance, she saw members of Vladimir's regiment watching the proceedings.

Why weren't they invited? Sapphire wondered, then on recalling the strange pony's warning, it hit her, They're the ones who'll be the targets! She realized the pony who'd given her the whispered warning before charging off was correct. She raced off to search for one of the others, a specific one.

She found Vladimir meeting with a number of the 'leading lights' of the Crystal Republic, i.e., the ponies willing to open their mouths and complain about things.

"Security isn't as poor as you have been led to believe," Vladimir said and stepped away from the group to approach Sapphire. "Can I help you?"

"I just watched Derpy leading a regiment of Changelings in making ground attacks, with lightning."

The Crystal Ponies murmured worriedly.

"There's nothing to worry about," Vladimir told Sapphire, and the Crystal Ponies, "It's a show of force, but it will not be directed at any of the ponies or our allies."

"I beg your pardon," Will o' Wisp said, "If they're doing that, we should start practice."

The other Crystal Ponies nodded reluctantly. Vladimir waved them away.

Sapphire's heart sank as she recognized Ham n' Cheese, Lotsa Books and Brush & Chisel, and she could only sense satisfaction from Vladimir.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Vladimir's smile did nothing to settle her unease. He glanced around to make sure they were alone.

When he explained exactly what was happening, she found she couldn't help emulating it.

"So, are you ready to dump him, and sign on with me?" Vladimir asked.

Sapphire eagerly nodded.

Green Grass had grown used to staying calm in the face of anything. Having Nightmare Wolf and her friend drop off a very battered pony in her office strained even her definition of 'anything'. "Where'd you find her?" Green Grass asked as she recognized the cringing pony abasing herself before her.

"She was trying to sneak past everyone and assassinate someone," Nightmare said, "If she tells you everything, we'll say she was going after the Big Guy. If she's trouble, we'll say she was going after Dinky and Selene."

The pony's head whipped around to stare in terror at Nightmare. Both wolves smiled at the pony.

"Have you asked?" Green Grass asked.

"I made a point not to," Nightmare said, "It shouldn't matter, correct."

"It just depends on who we have to increase the guard on," Green Grass said.

"The existing guard stopped her," Nightmare said with a bit of an edge in her voice, "Increasing the layers of guards just decreases the ability of them to do what needs doing."

Green Grass grimaced at that. "You're right, but 'doing nothing' doesn't seem the appropriate response."

"Killing the ones who sent her is the appropriate response, but you ponies never do that," Nightmare said, "It all has to be through third-parties and deniable. And you think nipping the real problem in the bud is too mean." She gestured at the cringing pony. "It's yours, I already asked it a lot of questions, so you can interrogate it, and we can compare notes. Then you can decide how much you want to torture it, before you ask more questions. I'm sure the Big Guy has a few things in his library that would work beautifully. No physical damage, but the mental scars would last forever." She laughed as she and the wolf trooped out.

Green Grass sighed, straightened some papers on her desk, then looked at the still cowering pony. "Shadow, you always were stupid, but do you have any idea what you're stirring up here?" She came around the desk. "Now, you know the drill, I ask questions, you answer them, and if you decide to get brave, Sombra left a door that puts you through your most terrifying and heart-wrenching experiences. I'll wrap you up in a bag full of centipedes, and toss you through the door. Do you understand me?" she asked and smiled. "Then I'll send your mother a full transcript, and you can just imagine what she's going to do with it."

The cowering pony fainted.

Green Grass opened the door and saw the sergeant awaiting orders. "Lock her up in one of Sombra's interrogation cells," Green Grass said, "She'll enjoy the ambiance."

Cadence watched Armor absorb the briefing, and accept the military necessity, but it made her heartsick. "Why?" she asked, and looked at a select few of the inventors corp. They accepted as Armor did. The only one who looked as sick as Cadence felt was Holly Hock.

She looks like she wants to run away and return to her kitchen, Cadence realized.

"How better to deal with the problem?" the Big Guy asked.

Several of the dragons were nodding sagely.

"Now, onto the next item of business," the Big Guy said, "The upcoming elections for the assembly. After what I told you all, former Prince Blueblood cannot be named or nominated as the Prime Minister, are we all agreed on that?"

The nodding was unanimous. Even Cadence agreed wholeheartedly.

"What of the other positions of government?" Flim asked.

"That may be a last ditch item, but I don't think he'd want to be dogcatcher," the Big Guy said and the others laughed.

Cadence was not happy with the machinations, or the military preparations, and especially not her and Armor's part in the whole thing. But I'll have to live with it, she thought and concentrated on the details of the upcoming conclave.

The happy cries of the ice-skating ponies did little to relieve Celestia's unease at Discord's bewildering behavior. He'd locked up the lunch team and persuaded the decorators to provide edible arrangements for the three centerpieces. It had been centuries since Celestial had eaten a raw daisy, let alone dandelion greens. She and Woona had demolished the flower arrangements. She'd even taught Woona how to eat the thorns off the rose stems so you could eat the stems at your ease.

She looked over the railing of the balcony, at the ponies enjoying the suddenly frozen over pool, and enjoying themselves tremendously.

"He has to have an ulterior motive," Celestia said as Woona approached.

"Of course he does, but what could it be?" Woona asked and tapped her chin with her hoof, "Oh! That's it!"

Celestia pivoted to face her. "It's what?" she asked.

Woona shook her head. "It's too diabolical. It's too manipulative. It's too hideous."

"What?!"

Woona patted Celestia on the head. "Maybe when you're older."

"Woona!" Celestia growled.

Woona waved the guards away and leaned in close. Celestia's ears swivelled so both faced Woona.

"Maybe he's trying to prove you can both be who you are, without also being enemies," Woona whispered.

Celestia stared at Woona. "Why would he do that?"

"While ponies might be interesting, they are mayflies, a brilliant flash, then gone. He's immortal, he wants other immortals around to pass eternity with," Woona explained.

"That explains why he humbled Nightmare, but he hasn't tried to contact Tirek, and Celly and Luna are also immortals. Why isn't he up north impressing them, instead of acting out in Canterlot?"

Woona facehoofed. "Ask Celly." She wandered off.

Celestia stared at her, then went back to watching the ice skaters. It makes no sense, I can't control the Elements, and he hasn't done anything that would merit Twilight and her friends using them, so what is his plan?

Discord appeared on the ice rink, riding a very strange, boxy, wheeled machine. Where it passed, all the ice was smoothed over, instead of being grooved and furrowed by the many skates of the ponies. He waved at her, and she'd waved back, more out of reflex than for any other reason. Once he'd completed smoothing the ice, he and the machine vanished, and the ponies went back to happily skating.

Celestia continued to watch them, and attended to her other duties, until it was time to lower the sun. With that done, she returned to her room. She'd spared some time out of her duties to scrounge through her stored possessions. She opened the case and looked at the ordinary-looking pool cue. She briefly considered simply breaking it over Discord's head the next time they met, but decided against it. She waited for a while, Discord had arrived shortly after sundown over the last few days, and transformed her. Then they went to the same tavern. She waited for him. When he didn't arrive, she sighed and used her limited shapechanging magic to transform herself into the pony Discord had changed her into, she picked up her cue, and went hunting.

Entering the tavern, she was greeted by some of the regulars, and directed back to the pool table. Discord, as a pony, was back there giving a demonstration to some younger, but still adult ponies, on how to play pool. He looked up and waved to her.

"I told them you'd be a little late," Discord said, "And I see you found your old cue."

She looked at the case and realized she'd been manipulated again. "The ice-skating rink?" she asked.

"I'd guess it'll be gone tomorrow. There were still couples skating on it tonight. Discord may be twisted, but I don't think he'd dump all those ponies in the pond without warning." He looked straight at her. "Let me guess, you still haven't given it a spin. Her Solar Highness gave everyone permission to use it, and you abstained."

"Why don't you take her there now?" one of the mares getting pool instructions said, "I went, and nearly twisted my ankle, but I still had a great time."

"Yeah, one of the places that usually rents skates in the winter opened up and so you can rent skates if you don't have them," a stallion who was nearly a colt added.

"So, you want to change things up, and go ice skating?" Discord asked.

Celestia sighed, but set the case down. "No. I came to play pool."

Discord nodded.

Will o' Wisp set the tankard down on the bar and looked over at Ham n' Cheese, Lotsa Books and Brush & Chisel, who were also nursing their cider. The Great and Powerful Trixie, Chateau Vin the head of the winemakers, Plow and Furrow, and Hay Rake, prominent farmers, were together sampling some 'more pedestrian vintages' from Chateau's cellars.

"What are we going to do?" Will 'o Wisp said, "It's like Sombra all over again."

"What are your instructions?" Trixie asked.

"I'm supposed to support Will for the Prime Minister's position, and support anyone except the Big Guy for the Speaker's post," Lotsa Books said.

"Sounds like there's not a problem," Trixie said, and nodded to Hay Rake.

"I'm supposed to propose Vin here for the Speaker's job," Hay Rake said, "And oppose Colonel Vladimir from getting the Prime Minister's job."

Brush looked at them and smiled. "Hey, we can do both!" he said, "Just put Will and Vin in those positions."

"You know they'll be furious," Ham n' Cheese said looking morosely into the cider.

"You did your job," Trixie said, "Look, you are going to have to work together. Getting on your knees to some king is what got you Sombra in the first place. Don't make the same mistake again." She suddenly looked towards the door. "Cheese it, the cops!"

The Sphinx walked in. "I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

"She was trying to convince us to reopen the theater," Vin said, "Care for some passable wine?" She offered the bottle and an empty glass.

The sphinx waved it away. "Sorry, I'm flying. But thank you." She fixed on Trixie. "You do have an early show, some of the kitchen staff, maids and butlers."

"Ah, the price of fame," Trixie said, and nodded to Ham n' Cheese, "Thanks for working out the details for the show."

The chef nodded.

They all watched as Trixie was 'escorted' out by the Sphinx. Vin walked over to Will and sat down. "So, your people vote you in, my people vote me in, and what about our 'masters'?"

"We let them remain behind the scenes," Will said, "I don't like it, but if they are teaching us to 'play politics' -" He raised his tankard and tapped it against Vin's wine glass. "I say we show them how well we've learned."

Vin nodded, as did the others. They all smiled as they began seeing a route out of the disaster looming before them.

Day 79

She had the picnic basket and a blanket. She had her coat brushed soft and mane and tail combed. Dinky and Selene had received the same treatment, but they had already roughhoused back into more disheveled condition. Derpy sighed as Luna of all ponies fussed over this and that.

"Beep," Derpy said as she touched Luna's nose, "Relax, this doesn't have to be perfect." She cocked her head. "I think you need the time to let go and relax more than he does. Did being regimented by the maids and butlers of Canterlot make you this crazy already?"

Luna visibly sighed. "I want this to work. I love my sister. I love him and all of you. This divide . . . "

"Is natural," Derpy said, "I love my parents, and my family. But I can't stand being with them too long. The eye jokes wore thin about 20 years ago, and the reminders that Dinky doesn't - didn't have a father always seemed to edge over to her being less than a 'regular' filly. You're going to have to take your sister off her pedestal and realize she's compromised who she is, for who she thinks she needs to be."

"Yes, but," Luna began, only for Derpy to put her hooves on her cheeks, "How do you stay so calm about this?"

"By remembering all I have to be to make him happy is soft, warm and fuzzy. He likes us to happily play or rest. I can't impress him, so I don't try. Happy, warm and fuzzy. If we're happy, he's happy. If we're cuddly, he relaxes, and cuddly is just soft, warm and fuzzy," Derpy said, "He's the one person you don't have to compete with your sister over. She already lost."

"How'd you get so smart?" Luna asked.

"I'm simple, I'm not stupid. Ponies like to make things complicated to exclude others who aren't 'in the know'," Derpy said, "He's so used to having to simplify things, he resents needless complexity and people who amuse themselves by being too clever for their audience. Watch how he plays word games with Discord and Dinky, but then how he talks to me and Nightmare."

Luna sighed again and nodded.

"Relax." Derpy patted Luna's cheek. "You'll do fine. Just be yourself without airs."

Pinkie had assembled a very strange group in the kitchen of the Apple's home. Granny Smith and Applebloom were a given. Maud Pie, Pinkie's sister, and Spike were the confusing part. The sample of rocks in front of Spike seemed to be the focus. That Pinkie seemed as intense and focused as Twilight generally was what gave the entire scene a surreal air.

"But how do they taste?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, that's a coprolite," Spike said, "So I'm not touching that. These aren't gems, so their taste is kind of muted."

"But what do they taste like?" Pinkie asked.

"Limestone, basalt, and corundum," Spike said and looke3d at the others for confirmation.

"What pony foods do they taste like?" Maud asked.

Realization dawned on Spike. "Sort of a bitter lettuce, a really bland oatmeal, and this depends on if it is a ruby or a sapphire. Rubies are closer to strawberry. Sapphires are closer to blueberries. But unless they're gems, their flavors are really weak."

Then he cocked his head. "Why are you interested in this? Ponies can't eat gems or rock."

"They could if they are softer," Pinkie said and grinned.

Spike stared at Pinkie, then back at the tray of stones. "Softer? Pinkie, you're going to have to explain that. Only acid, grinding, heat, or some powerful magic would soften stone, and even then, who'd want to eat them?"

Pinkie's grin only widened.

The room wasn't exactly small, it was in fact a recently reopened theater, but the noise and the energy that filled it made it seem small and intimate. To her chagrin, Cadence was leading the action, but it was simple enough, the crystal ponies were easily and eagerly joining in. Marking them as 'hers' almost as much as if they had copies of her cutie mark on their flanks.

Cadence's pattern was the same: stomp the left hoof, then the right hoof, and that a swish of the tail that sounded like a whipcrack. The collection of Crystal Ponies who were around her did the same. Stomp, stomp, thwack. Stomp, stomp, thwack. Stomp, stomp, thwack. The song had mocked those who wanted violent action, but still the power of the massed ponies was an answer even to the military. Armor had told her a peaceful demonstration of the determined was the hardest to deal with. It could explode into violence at any moment, and the guard would be heavily outnumbered. Worse, if the guard came in too hard, every drop of blood cemented the unaffiliateds' resistance and added support to a cause that could have been ignored. It was the ultimate in 'soft' pony power.

"We will, we will rock you!"

"Sing it!" she called.

"We will, we will rock you!"

Cadence felt the power of the song through her bones, and the strength it granted the other ponies. They were no longer the meek creatures approaching her and begging she intervene. They can intervene on their own, she thought and grinned at the vision of her adversaries' expressions.

The quintet had found a particularly lovely spot. Selene and Dinky laid out the blanket on the grass under the trees, while Derpy laid out the breakfast.

"Quite a view," the Big Guy said of the vista. Luna had worried that the hill with a small copse of trees was a trifle too picturesque and twee for the Big Guy.

But he looks at the mountains, and the rivers instead, Luna thought. She looked up at the sky and noted a few clouds scudding through the blue.

"Uncontrolled weather seems so . . . unnatural," Luna said.

"I kinda like that it does the job itself," Dinky said, "But you grew up around the Everfree Forest, didn't it act like this all the time?"

"It was less of a contrast," Luna admitted, "I guess I was used to it, then had to relearn that it was unusual, and now I have to unlearn that here it is usual."

"That's like the books on philosophies," Selene said, and looked at the Big Guy, "Your people had to have a lot of philosophies."

"Practically every human had one. And they changed through their life. We didn't have a connection with our destiny like you ponies do," the Big Guy said, "We had to learn our own place in the world. But that also meant that we could change it, when we needed to."

"How does that work?" Dinky asked as she approached the spread that her mother had set out.

"I'll explain after breakfast," the Big Guy said, "I don't want all the work your mom and the others put in to go to waste."

"As opposed to going to waist?" Derpy asked, and smiled as everyone groaned.

The 'lecture hall' in the palace was used by lower level functionaries who needed to brief, educate or simply assemble the kitchen, cleaning and administrative staff for the palace, and wouldn't dare use the court or the false or real throne rooms for that purpose. It had seemed to Vladimir that it had exactly the right 'tone' for him to meet with the ponies who'd come to him.

Vladimir led the collection of Crystal Ponies in the song. The very words of the song had called out his weakness, his unworthiness, but his determination to continue. Again, it seemed unusually appropo and seemed to inspire them to do the same.

At first, they'd been unwilling to join in, but as the force of the song built, it practically demanded their inclusion.

"We are the Champions! WE are the champions! Of the world!"

They were standing taller, and seemed more grateful that he was willing to lead them. He schooled his features to hide his grin at the thought of what his opponents would do when he revealed his plans.

In the smithy outside the Apple's barn, Pinkie paced. No oven at Sugarcube Corners could have generated the necessary heat, and Spike was too young a dragon to generate the quantity of fire that would have been necessary. Instead, they'd used the forge, and now Pinkie and Spike waited as the stone in the crucible cooled from cherry-red and fluid, to gray-brown and the heat became bearable to approach.

Spike just stood, far less nervous than the pacing mare, as she approached the crucible again, he waved her away. "It's still too hot to touch," he told her, "Now promise me, you won't open that mold until I come back."

"But I have to know!" Pinkie whined.

Spike decided that explaining she couldn't taste it would be useless. "Promise. Me," Spike said, and let Pinkie go through the entire Pinkie-Promise ritual before he was satisfied.

He headed back to the library, where Twilight was still trying to figure out how she was going to reshelve all the newly discovered books that had been squirreled away undetected in her library home. "I'm back," he called, "Any word from the princesses?"

Twilight seemed far more subdued that she had been earlier. When he saw what the plants had laid out, he understood immediately. Spike knew that the books were part of a game, from written 'discussions' with the Apples. But Twilight doesn't know that, and I think either the plants do, or they don't. So it's either a joke, or an offer of help.

"All these gems with special powers," Twilight said and looked at another book, and consulted her notes on the words in the alien language, "But these list completely different effects. Is it a different time period, or a different type of casting?" She took a deep-breath, let it out, took another, and let it out. Took a third, and let it out. Now she looked focused again. "There has to be a way of reconciling these with known Equestrian magic. They either don't apply, or they . . . Or they are speculations based on not having a magic system at all! Of course!"

Spike sighed and smiled. Feeling relief at the crisis averted.

"These are all thought experiments!" Twilight said happily, "But the idea of studying another entire frame work of magic is fascinating!"

Spike sighed and facepalmed.

Armor stood in Sombra's old study, looking at the charting of the disaster with which they would have to contend. He knew very well there were servants, and guards hidden or rather hiding within the room. But while the song he sang seemed to be asking a question, they quickly realized it was as much an argument with the fallen Sombra as a statement of Armor's purpose.

He didn't normally 'chew the scenery', but he needed to impress these ponies that he too had a vision worth following.

He 'confronted' Sombra's notes and sang the next verse, "The croakers all say we'll rue the day, 'There'll be hell to pay in fiery purgatory'." He turned his back on it and looked out the window. "Through all the gloom, through all the gloom, I see the rays of ravishing light and glory!"

He turned to sweep the room. "Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I see?"

He turned to confront Sombra's legacy. "I see fireworks! I see the pageant and pomp and parade. I hear the bells ringing out. I hear the cannons roar. I see Equestrians - all Equestrians - free forever more!"

Armor heard the murmurs and realized that the unseen audience was recognizing the 'quiet one' had a fire in his belly as hot as any of the others, but one with a vision they were more comfortable with.

The Sphinx stood before the collection of drawings, pictures and some avante garde depictions of Celly. The crowds had approached her, and she had agreed, as long as they brought their friends.

The crowd was collected in a small park and they listened.

"Well versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice, she's a Killer Queen: gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laserbeam. Guaranteed to blow your mind. Anytime." She sang to the enthralled ponies, who looked worshipfully at one who worked with their idol.

That Celly neither knew about the Sphinx's actions, or her crowd of near worshipers made this all the more satisfying.

Green Grass hated doing this, but understood the necessity. Different ponies, different factions, she thought mildly, If they want to be soldiers, then running is the first part, and if you can trot and sing, you've got the wind for more.

"Mares and stallions stop your dreaming, can't you see their spear points gleaming," she sang as she trotted, "See their warrior pennants streaming to this battlefield."

She smiled as she considered that turning these 'weak, soft ponies' into an effective resistance force would be child's play, considering who else she'd had to try to turn into a soldier, and an officer.

"Mares and stallions stand ye steady, it cannot be ever said ye, for the battle were not ready," she sang.

"Crystals, never yield," they sang back.

At least were getting there, she thought.

Trixie stood before a large poster of the Big Guy, and looked at the audience, she felt their hunger, their need for more than their lives could provide. She smiled, seeing too many similarities to herself. But I'm still a showmare, she thought and began.

"Dodge has got its cowpokes.
Baltimare has its bums
Woods between got Jimson Weed
He's a sidewindin' son of a gun
Yeah, he mean and dumb and a stallion
But he stronger than a country hoss
And when the bad ole nags get together at night
You know they all call Jimson "Boss", just because
And they say

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on ole Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well outta lil' Ponyville come a alien
He say I'm lookin' for a hoss called Jim
I am a straight-shootin' boy
No 'Celestia's toy'

And he lookin no less than grim
I'm trampin' through the woods of Baltimare
Seein' if I can find their king
Last week he chops some honey
And it may sound funny
But I come give some real payback
And everybody say Jack don't you know

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well a hush fell over the woods there
Cause Jim had come boppin' out of the heat
And when the fightin' wa' done
The only part that wasn't bloody
Was the soles of the monster's feet
Jim was cut in a hundred places
And he been shot in a couple more
And you better believe
They sung a different kind of story
When Jimson hit the floor.
Now they say

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him

Yeah, the boss got his hat
Find out where it's at
And it's not hurtin' people strange to you
Even if you live in a messed-up, magic-proof slew

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him."

The applause was gratifying, but cementing a legend in their minds was more important. If he is with you, who can be against you? she smiled and let them see it.

" 'And he asks you, 'what did you do in the great World War 2?' You won't have to say, well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana,'" the Big Guy said.

Luna was appalled. Derpy had been mildly concerned, but had joined Dinky and Selene in hysterics. Rolling on the grass around the blanket where Luna and the Big Guy sat.

" 'All right, now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle, any time, any where. That's all,'" the Big Guy concluded, having to raise his voice over the sounds of Equine convulsions.

"That. Was. The. Speech. You. Gave?" Luna managed.

"It was the only one I remembered off the top of my head," the Big Guy responded and shrugged, "Everypony seemed to like it at the time."

Luna facehoofed. Derpy was hanging onto Selene and Dinky, as they held onto her, to keep from falling over, again.

"That was the speech you gave," Luna said, stared at him, then looked away, "That was the speech you gave."

It started small, like the grinding of gears during a shift. Then it happened again. Luna tried to form the serene air that she and Celestia normally showed. But it happened again. And again. Now Luna couldn't stop it. A short bark of laughter. Then another.

Dinky, Derpy and Selene had sobered enough to enjoy Luna's struggles to keep her usual somber mien. But the grin from the Big Guy signaled the beginning of the attack.

"Tickle fight!" Selene announced and launched her attack. While hooves and noses worked well, fingers held the day and had Luna loudly honking with laughter.

Normally, Tear Twirler wouldn't have reported in, but the recent events force her hoof.

"Yes," her master asked, no longer using the dragon image, but displaying one nearly as awe-inspiring.

"I can hardly believe it," Tear Twirler admitted, "But they are fragmenting. I've counted almost a dozen factions and sub-factions. All are raising their own forces."

"I told you that ponies are ponies, no matter who and what they are, or how long they've been civilized," her master said, "They will soon fall upon each other and you will have to do nothing. We can walk into power, instead of fighting them all. After a period of bloody civil war, anyone who seriously offers peace and stability will be awarded with power. How do you think those ingenues rose to the heights they have? Celestia, talented? Don't make me laugh."

"I just, didn't expect it to be so easy," Tear Twirler admitted.

"They have their fears and terrors," her master said, "All you have to do is inflame them, and everything will fall into place."

Tear Twirler simply nodded and resumed her selected disguise from her catalog, and left to spy and whisper poison in the ears of the leaders.

Discord looked over to Tom. "I'll admit it," he said, "This is fun." He looped around and around so fast he nearly tied himself in a knot. "I haven't seen something this delightful in ages!"

"I won't say 'I told you so'," Tom said, "But I wouldn't mention this to Celestia, she wouldn't understand."

Discord waved his hand. "Oh, I know that," he said, "But the temptation!"

"Resist it," Tom counseled, "Being on the outside without a chance to 'help' would prey on her mind. And besides, don't forget the true aim of all of this: ponies get to be themselves, and they are still chaotic."

Discord squealed with delight as he looped through the air. "It's so wonderful!"

Woona looked at the collection of ponies. Some were from Grass Light's unit, others from Sombra's army. Most looked at her with undisguised loathing.

"Don't try to impress me with remorse or pomposity. I have seen true penitence, and seen pride at having accomplished something honorable. You have achieved neither. You are merely an afterthought that Celestia wishes to use for Equestria's ends. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better off you'll be," she told them as she stared at them, not glaring or shouting, speaking loud enough to be heard but no more, "As for your feelings for Celestia, or me, they matter not at all. Blueblood was infinitely more merciful than you deserve, or than I will be. If you betray our people as you have betrayed your own, I will leave your punishment methods to Discord and the Big Guy. He does an amazing thing with oranges, string and bacon that frankly Tirek is afraid of, and I don't blame him," Woona said, "If you step out of line, I'll have them teach it to me, and you will have volunteered as the test subjects."

There were faint stirrings of concern in the ranks. Just flickers of worry that the 'soft Equestrians' weren't as soft as they thought.

"Some of you will be considering selling yourselves to the noble houses. I encourage you to do so. What they'll do to you far exceeds anything I could stomach doing to you," Woona said. She waited for the catcalls and insults, but she realized she'd shaken them enough.

She signaled the troops to move in and separate the groups. They'd be taken in small packets to various military posts, larger cities and elsewhere. What they hadn't felt was the reform spells that had been woven through them all as they stood there.

We may be 'soft', but we aren't stupid, Woona thought as she rejoined Celestia and the Element Bearers who'd cast the spell over these trouble makers.

"I should go down there and teach them a few things about respect," Rainbow said and punched a hoof into another to prove her point.

"They would have broken your wings as their opening gambit," Woona said, "They don't have the courage to fight, just bully those weaker."

"I think you let them off easy," Rainbow said, then hastily added, "Your Highness."

"That is our prerogative," Woona replied. She stared at Celestia who was far more pensive than she remembered Celly ever being. She wanted to ask why, but only in private. Although the element bearers sensed their sovereign's unease.

"Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked.

"I'm just worried that we are letting them off far too lightly," Celestia admitted, "Blue - Colonel Vladimir's missive seemed to be almost a challenge, and we have not done well with the librarians."

"It's been only 12 days since we rescued them," Pinkie said, "That's hardly enough time to make them instant friends. I made that mistake with the Big Guy, and it took months before I could really be his friend."

"I thought you could be friends with anypony," Rainbow said, and laughed.

"I can," Pinkie said and glared at Rainbow, "But I'm working on something else right now." She pulled a large stone jar from somewhere. She hugged it and giggled. Then it vanished back wherever she had got it. "Sometimes big gestures work, but other times it's the little things that we all take for granted that others don't, that make all the difference in whether someone even can be friends, no matter how much they want to or don't want to. Like a tea party, HINT, that doesn't seem like much, sitting around drinking hot, flavored water, but a lot of people who wouldn't want to go to a hoofball game find just sitting and talking quietly is really a lot more fun than you know, really having fun. Weird, isn't it?"

"Only that you could say that all in one breath," Rainbow acknowledged.

"Tea sounds like a very good idea," Woona said, "There seems to be a rumor that Princess Celestia hates tea. It needs a thorough squashing. And frankly I only hate tea, when it's all there is."

Celestia smiled and let the others lead her to the tea room, where dozens of flavors of tea awaited.

Woona smiled at the memory of Discord holding the Royal Tisanist out a high window by one hoof, and politely asking where the plain tea was. When the stallion refused 'to serve that swill to Her Highness' Discord had hauled him back inside, apologized, and reminded him that Celestia would be serving it to him.

There was a large, cheaply-made tin box of the stuff. Celestia made a beeline for it, enjoying the strong tannic flavor while the others helped themselves to the more elegant beverages.

"What about the library we rescued?" Twilight asked, "Have the plants gotten into that?"

"No, but they were all over Nistag's lab," Celesta said, "What their reaction was, we do not know."

The others nodded.

Glory had no idea what was so important that Holly Hock would have been dragging her by her mane if she hadn't come along willingly. She'd never seen the chef so animated before.

"Griffons, griffons, griffons," the chef chanted, looking into the myriad tents/workshops the inventors had established just outside of town. When she found no griffon in a particular tent, she'd race to the next with Glory in tow.

"Too small," Holly Hock commented on one griffon chick amid a room full of ponies and minotaurs.

"Holly, what's this -?" Glory began.

"Ah ha!" the chef exclaimed and raced towards the de facto leader of the griffon inventors.

Glory was beginning to worry about a case of cutie mark insanity, and prepared to tackle the chef if it became necessary.

"Taste this!" the chef handed the griffon a sheet of shiny, brown paper that glistened like mica.

The inventor looked at the grinning pony, took the crinkly paper, and bit a piece. He chewed thoughtfully while Holly nearly pronked with excitement. "Rather good actually."

"YES!" Holly Hock shouted as she leapt in the air, "It's all perfect!" Holly raced back towards the palace.

"I think you'd better go after her," the inventor told Glory, "She may hurt herself in that state."

"Yes," Glory said, "Sorry about that."

"Done it myself," the griffon said and waved her off, idly nibbling on the paper.

Glory raced after the chef, the trail littered with many, very dizzy ponies. She caught sight of Holly grabbing another pony in a hug, whirling them around while giggling like a madmare, then setting them down and racing towards the palace. Already, the direct route was emptying of ponies.

Glory never in her life expected to be happy to see Discord, but there he was, arms outstretched and ready for Holly Hock's enthusiastic hug. The pair spun around and it was Holly Hock who was wobbly when he set her down. The dizzy, in two ways, mare was still giggling like a fools and trying to pronk, despite not being very steady on her feet.

Glory walked up to Discord. "Never in my life did I expect to ask you for clarification, but what's going on?"

Discord and Holly Hock looked at Glory, and said in chorus, "Seaweed."

Glory sighed. "For those of us on this planet, what does that mean?" The matching grins did nothing for her feelings of balance.

"So he wrote horror stories about how all human things had no meaning in the greater universe," the Big Guy said, noting the nervous looks of the ponies, "That the universe doesn't care about morality or justice, they are conceits generated by humans. Nature doesn't care about fair, and most animals aren't the least bit concerned about the cruelty of their existence." He petted Dinky behind the ears, the reached over and did the same for Derpy. "About 50 years later, a noted astrophysicist or astronomer, I forget which, began talking about how wonderful the idea that our homeworld was a little oasis in the vast and empty universe, and people were enthusiastic about that idea. The same concept, that we were a little blue dot in a vast blanket of nearly empty. At one time it was the darkest horror, another it was a comforting revelation."

Luna nodded. "But what do you believe?" She glanced at the other ponies, especially her daughter. "You deal with nightmares, and at first break them, then rebuild them. How?"

"The greater universe doesn't care about us. There is nothing out there, no higher power taking an active interest in our lives. So if nothing we do matters, then what really matters is what we do. There's no Luna watching over our dreams. There is no solar goddess who will intervene against whatever monsters the world throws against us, so the only thing we can depend on is our own talents and abilities, and the talents and abilities of those around us," the Big Guy said and watched the ponies squirm. "I believe in a loving God, but God wants independent adults who don't need Him, but who want Him, and as you two know raising your foals to filles to mares, sometimes you have to let bad things happen to them as they grow up, or they'll be mares, but not independent adults."

The Big Guy paused as they absorbed that and began nodding. "You see, humans are either governed by internal rules or external rules. If you believe that any rule coming down from on high governs you, you're an Untermensch, and under man. If you believe that only the rules you internalize or come up with yourself control you, you're an Ubermensch. The philosopher Nietzsche wanted people to transcend all the arbitrary rules and live governed by themselves. Too many people twist this into 'nothing maters, we can be cruel and nothing happens'. I believe, and live my life that, if I decide to be kind it is because I decided it. I'm just as free of external constraints, I just figure if nothing matters, then why not be kind and friendly. If you need others to help you achieve great things, you aren't going to do that by being selfishly cruel."

"The books behind the door in the office," Selene said, "Some of those books were really disturbing."

"Mein Kampf, Das Kapital and The Communist Manifesto, The Prince, Mao's Little Red Book, Rules for Radicals, those are all studies in Human evil. Heavy reading for a pony, especially a young one," the Big Guy said, then frowned, "Oh, we'll need to get those books out of there."

"Why?" Derpy asked.

"People in my world already assumed that the Prince was a 'how-to' manual rather than a cautionary tale and a satire," the Big Guy said, "I shudder to think what would happen if somepony got ideas out of those books."

The ponies nodded, Selene wrote it down.

Glory watched Holly Hock go through the process, until she handed Glory the sheet at the end. Holly Hock was again nearly pronking with excitement.

"There were great forests of kelp off the coast," Holly Hock said, "Sombra did all this work, before he went crazy, figuring out how to harvest, process and preserve this stuff. He created a dozen flavors, so you wouldn't get bored. He figured out how to make soups, salads, even wrap cooked rice or other grains with this. It's genius!"

Glory glanced at Discord. "The Big Guy wanted her to figure this out," Discord said and shrugged, "As far as why you never heard of it, Sombra developed this, began selling it to Equestria, and then ascended to the throne."

"The Princesses embargoed it, since it was Sombra's idea," Glory said and frowned at that implication.

"Don't forget, that was when Celestia and Luna were very young and inexperienced. None of us sprang fully-formed from the aether," Discord said.

"So they had to export their other foodstuffs, and subsisted on this?" Glory asked, "How much did they have?"

"They periodically harvest huge amounts of a similar lake weed," Holly Hock said, "But the 'growing season' is measured in decades, so you let it grow for years, then harvest a huge amount for processing."

"It seems that Sombra has a convert to his constructive discoveries," Glory said.

"More important," Holly Hock said, "Griffons have always been limited by their need for animal protein." She shook the papery material. "This can extend it. Like the chilli that Celestia developed from the Big Guy's recipes."

"That was actually the Big Guy in Celestia's body, and she was in his," Discord said, stunning the two ponies, "Not by his choice."

He grinned as the two ponies, Equestria's spies, mulled that over.

The Big Guy packed the saddle bags as they got ready to head back towards the city. He shaded his eyes. "Okay, I know you're out there, but you're good enough to avoid me seeing you."

Almost a hundred changelings dissolved their disguises and looked around nervously.

"I'm not angry, I want to thank you," he said, "You made it appear we were alone, that's the best you can do."

That seemed to relieve them.

Luna snickered. "I was wondering how they kept their concerns for our security and our desire for privacy balanced."

"Can I learn to do that?" Dinky asked.

"It'll take a lot of practice," Derpy said, "And a lot of studying."

"Okay!" Dinky said.

"I thought most kids hated school," Luna said.

"Not when you're learning cool stuff," Dinky said, causing Luna to chuckle.

Pinkie watched Spike sit at the Apples' dinner table and carefully disassemble the jar. Discord was there, as well as the entire Ponyville Apple family. Jonny and Johnny were quietly discussing with Discord, while Applejack, Granny Smith and Big Mac were opposite Discord and discussing quietly. Applebloom had her hooves and chin on the table, watching Spike as intently Pinkie was, as he revealed the stone within. Maud was outside, claiming she was 'too nervous to watch'.

Pinkie was briefly torn between going to check on Maud, and watching Spike.

Spike himself seemed nervous at all the ponies staring at him. He broke off the sprue and tasted it. The slight crunch of the stone between his teeth was the only sound in the room.

Until Discord turned blue and fell over.

"It's not bad, the flavor's weak," Spike said, he winced as Pinkie gasped, "But it's okay."

He looked around at others who had relaxed. Applebloom raced out to tell Maud.

"So, it's ready?" Discord asked.

Pinkie glanced at Spike, and they nodded together.

Discord grinned and hugged Pinkie and Spike. "Thanks. I could have done it, but then I couldn't have taught anyone else to do it." He paused and considered. "I think that was the right compliment. If not satisfied please return for full replacement, offer not valid in Montana, Delaware or Liechtenstein."

"So it's a go?" Pinkie asked, "All systems ready? Light the fires, kick the tires, first one up's the leader? We have crossed the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam?"

Applejack was about to put a hoof in Pinkie's mouth, when Discord grabbed her foreleg. "Please, I'm rather enjoying this. Pinkie, please continue."

"Well, I'm kinda done," Pinkie admitted, "But you haven't answered my question."

"With this, I can go ahead with both plans. The tea party, and the insurrection," Discord said.

"DISCORD!" Applejack said, "We don't talk about them thangs where Applebloom can hear."

Discord looked nonplused as Applebloom and Maud Pie arrived back in the dining room. "Ah, I don't think in - that word, means what you think it means."

Applejack threw her hat on the floor. "I meant tea party," Applejack insisted, "We don't hold to that kinda frippery when there's work ta be done."

Discord stared at Applejack as she replaced her hat. Then he drew a glowing line in the air. "One point for the apple farmer, well played, well played."

Applejack bowed. "Thank you kindly, but 'insurrection', I cain't be happy about that."

"It isn't against Celestia or Equestria," Discord assured them, "Pinkie, if you will administer the oath, Uncle Discord will give you all a wonderful bedtime story."

Pinkie led them through a Pinkie Promise.

Once Discord explained the plan, most of the Apples were in hysterics. Maud even smiled at the idea.

Tear Twirler looked at the dozen or so agents, other aspects of her. As a pony, looking at something through dozens of perspectives would have been disconcerting. Now, it all seemed natural. She didn't need to exhort them that tomorrow was the day. They all knew as well as she did. She did feel the need to say something to commemorate their ultimate victory. So did all the others, as they spoke together.

"We will stay off the streets, until we have to attend the afternoon council. Then, our work will be done."

40) Around the Whirled for Eighty Days

Cultural Artifacts - Around the Whirled for Eighty Days
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 80

It was a dark and stormy night. Derpy and Cadence were actively restrained from 'fixing' it, the crops needed the rain and the fixed nitrogen caused by the lightning, and even the weather experts could tell the storm would be down to occasional drizzles by sunrise. While it promised to be a gloomy day, it would mirror the attitude of most of the citizenry. In the tower, there were a lot of raised eyebrows and mares walking funny with very goofy grins at breakfast.

The vote was in the early morning, and nobody was happy. Most of the Crystal Ponies weren't Crystal, as they walked through the drizzle and glimpses of sunshine into 'the Tower'. Most reflected that at least the various governmental factions had instantly agreed calling it 'Sombra's Palace' had to stop.

The public throne room and the galleries there were filled with VIPs and the delegates, so the average ponies who came, climbed the stairs to Sombra's actual throne room. Discord had installed a guard rail around the stairs, then doubled their width and installed a second guard rail on the enhanced-width stairs. At the Big Guy's urging, he'd included signs saying 'except for emergencies inner stairs are up, outer stairs are down.' Most of the ponies ascended the inner stairs and could watch the proceedings projected on the inner column around which the stairs wound. Everyone wanted everyone to see these proceedings.

In the VIP section, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Applebloom waited, along with a nondescript white pony with a handlebar moustache and a derby, and a dark blue pony with a monocle, van dyke and a top hat and tails.

The leaders came in, one at a time through different entrances. Surrounded by groups of ponies and a few others, they took seats amid the delegates' areas. Some pointedly sat between certain groups, linking them, or trying to broker a reproachment. Nervous glances seemed the greeting of the day.

Luna ascended the dias that had replaced Sombra's throne, and gaveled the meeting to order. It didn't take much, silence reigned with the first stroke.

"The suspense is terrible," Discord whispered to the bederbied and top-hatted ponies, "I hope it'll last." He ignored their frowns, and grinned at the smiles from Applejack and Pinkie Pie. Some distance away, Tom hovered, watching the proceedings.

"For position of Speaker of the House, I now open the floor for nominations," Luna said, at his raised hoof, Luna nodded to Hay Rake, "The Chair recognizes Hay Rake."

"I would like to put in nomination, Chateau Vin, for Speaker of the House," the farmer said, and practically dropped back into his chair.

"Second," Cadence said almost immediately.

Vladimir signaled for attention.

"Colonel Vladimir is recognized," Luna said.

"I would like to move that nominations be closed," Vladimir said.

"Second," Shining Armor said.

There were harsh murmurings from the crowd, and the gallery.

Discord watched all the ponies with undiminished glee. A fact not lost on several ponies in close proximity to him.

"It has been moved and seconded that nominations be closed, all those in favor say 'Aye'," Luna said.

It was very clear the Ayes outnumbered everything else.

"Opposed?" Luna asked more for the form of the thing rather than meaningful opposition.

"Nay," the Big Guy said, which nearly had Discord busting his slats.

"He said 'neigh'," Discord whispered and began silently writhing with laughter.

"Motion carries." Luna ignored the one-draconequus, granny-knot tying contest, and moved on. "For the nomination of Chateau Vin for Speaker of the House, all in favor raise a hoof." Luna counted. "Opposed?" She counted again. "The 'Ayes' have it. While not technically correct, I am going to retain the moderatorship of this meeting." She nodded to the newly-elected Speaker. "With the Speaker's permission of course."

On being poked by several ponies around him, Vladimir not the least of them, Chateau stood, returned a more formal bow. "You have it," he literally squeaked, before dropping heavily into his seat.

Luna merely raised an eyebrow and banged the gavel. "I will have order in the gallery, or I'll have it cleared."

Discord sobered, gave Luna a nod and a wink, and returned to his seat, floating slightly above the gallery.

"Have you ever seen Discord go to the bathroom?" Pinkie Pie asked as she looked up.

Several snorts among those in earshot answered her, as well as a few ponies deploying their umbrellas.

Luna decided that was all the order she was going to get, and proceeded, "Opening nominations for the post of Prime Minister. Yes, Derpy." Luna called on the pegasus hovering a few feet over the crowd thrusting a foreleg in the air.

"I would like to put in nomination, Will 'o Wisp, for Prime Minister," Derpy said, and settled gently back into her chair.

"Second," Ham n' Cheese said.

Tom signaled for attention.

"Tom is recognized," Luna said.

"I would like to move that nominations be closed," Tom said.

"Second," the Big Guy said.

The murmurings from the crowd and the gallery were worried.

Whatever Discord was humming, it seemed to evoke waves of flying pegasi geared for war. He glanced over and whispered, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning." He went back to humming while the ponies looked worriedly at each other. Except for Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Applebloom who seemed to have caught Discord's attitude that this was not the verge of a bloody civil war.

"It has been moved and seconded that nominations be closed, all those in favor say 'Aye'," Luna said.

It was again very clear the Ayes outnumbered everything else.

"Opposed?" Luna asked, pro forma.

"Nay," the Vladimir said.

"Motion carries." Luna glanced around. "For the nomination of Will 'o Wisp for Prime Minister, all in favor raise a hoof." Luna counted. "Opposed?" She counted again. "The 'Ayes' have it." She noted that Will o' Wisp and Chateau Vin stood after glancing at each other. "The Chair recognizes Will 'o Wisp and Chateau Vin, and calls upon the body as a whole to render acclamation."

The Ponies stood and stamped their hooves and cheered. The cheers and stomping from the other gallery could be felt even here.

"Thank you, Chair and our fellow delegates. As a point of order, I would like to entertain a motion to retain Celly as Sergeant of Arms and our Chair Luna as the deputy in that post," Will o' Wisp said.

"The Speaker seconds," Chateau Vin said.

"It isn't exactly protocol, but we're developing that as we go," Luna said, "However, the motion must be moved first, then seconded."

"Then I, so move," Chateau said.

"Second," Sapphire said.

"Any opposed?" Luna asked and watched as silence reigned. "Motion carries. Sergeant at Arms, do your duty."

Celly nodded. Suddenly there were squawks of alarm from the gallery and among the delegates. In all, 18 ponies were hauled into the air and held together in a bubble of force. Discord left the galleries to join the delegates.

An instant later, the vastly different appearances of those in the bubble faded and they were all revealed to be blue-veined, green ponies.

"Tear Twirler," Trixie said from her position among the delegates.

The myriad poniods looked at Trixie. "How?"

"Please," Discord said as he orbited the bubble, "When you started pouring your poison in their ears, they did what friends do. They talked to each other."

Tear Twirler seemed stunned by this, almost as much as some of the delegates were.

Discord turned to the ponies. "Congratulations on a flawless revolution by the way," he said, "I would have preferred more running around and screaming, but there's been enough of that lately."

"Wait, you tricked us?" Will o' Wisp asked, his shock obvious and shared by all the others.

"Yes, they tricked you, like teaching a foal to ride a bicycle," Discord said, atop a bike with training wheels. "The child thinks the parent is supporting them, after the training wheels are off." The training wheels vanished. "But after a point, the parent, a good parent, steps back and lets the child ride on their own." Discord looked over to Derpy. "Back me up on this."

Derpy nodded.

"So they let you think they were going to do everything, but really, you did it entirely yourselves," Discord said.

The Crystal Ponies began looking at each other in stunned amazement.

"I should thank you Tear Twirler," Discord said, "Without you whispering your doubts about them, none of this could have happened so quickly. It would have taken weeks for their doubts to have surfaced and for them to be ready to act on them."

"You allowed my plan to proceed, because it was your plan?" the plant-pony asked, "You manipulated me?"

"Well, actually, you talked to Vladimir and the Big Guy, and being friends, they immediately set off to talk to each other. When they realized what was happening they collected the whole crowd and talked about it. You had raised some good points, I commend you on sowing Chaos that helped everypony."

"Don't forget your part in the counterstroke," Cadence said, "Points for modesty, but let's have it all out."

"Of course, I was getting to that. They called me in and I laid out the whole plan, brilliant though it was, and gave each one their part . . . and kept it all . . . " Discord turned to a grinning Vladimir and the Big Guy. "You manipulated me!"

" 'Like teaching a foal to ride a bicycle. The child thinks the parent is supporting them, after the training wheels are off, but after a point, a good parent steps back and lets the child ride on their own.'" The Big Guy turned to Derpy. " 'Back me up on this.'"

Derpy grinned and nodded.

"You did all that on your own. With free-rein to do as you liked, you chose life-affirming chaos, and worked harder at the plan than anything before I'll bet," the Big Guy said, "I couldn't be more proud of you."

Discord looked over the ponies, the 'lords' stepping forward.

"Part of being friends is allowing others to be who they are," Vladimir said, he looked over at Green Grass, who suddenly blushed, "You might round off some sharp edges, but you keep the core person intact. You are our friend, we hope that we proved we are yours as well."

Discord gathered them all into a fierce hug. "I love you guys!" he insisted.

"Too bad," the blue pony in the top hat whispered to the white pony in the derby, "You could be down there and part of that."

"Shh," the bederbied pony replied, watching Discord cry tears of joy.

Fragrance and Comes in Peace watched the last of the engines and powerplants gently land in front of them. Many of the inventors were nearly salivating at the idea of working on such advanced equipment. "I still don't like the idea of leaving such a magnificent ship with less than half its engines," the griffon said, "It seems, wrong."

"If the hull collapses, we lose everything," Fragrance replied. She glanced over at the pony the Changelings had captured, the spy sent by her mother, "I don't like that Molybdenum Blossom found out about the problem. Now she can just wait us out, or speed the structural decay."

"I suspect that she doesn't know how to fix it. Only in really silly stories is a scientist in one field an expert in another. She's a botanist and psychologist, it's doubtful she also is an expert in cloud engineering. There aren't that many pegasi who are experts in it."

"I'd still rather not let her know anything," Fragrance replied, "She's still able to trick her way out of a bad deal with Discord. Who knows what else she can do."

"I do know one thing we can use against her immediately," the griffon said, "Her own methodical nature. We do the expected, but twist it to the unexpected at the moment of contact, and we'll have her. Arrogance tends to belittle the capabilities of others, when even a fledgling may stumble across a new trick."

"Weaponizing that may prove difficult," Fragrance admitted.

The griffon chuckled. "For you or I? Perhaps. For those she will be facing? They could convince Celestia rain was wet, and that it was their recent doing."

Fragrance laughed at that.

Discord had excused himself and left briefly for Ponyville to collect Spike. Spike had been hard at work and had been cracking open the last of the jars when Discord had arrived.

The draconequus' mind was racing. They out-chaosed me, Discord thought, They used me to spread chaos, no they enticed me to spread a well-ordered stream of chaos, and I never saw the deceit. By spreading chaos across an entire kingdom, I brought about growth and, ugh, Harmony. No, not Harmony. The Crystals may be unified, but they are not as harmonious as the Equestrians. They argue, but part in love. That seems a better way that bottling it up to be harmonious.

"Are you all right?" Spike asked.

"No," Discord said and waved to Tom, "I just got schooled, yes joy and rapture from you, but I'm rather thoughtful about it."

Spike decided not to comment as he climbed up the ladder to the huge locomotive. Discord headed straight into the firebox. The blast of heat would have singed the fur and feathers off a pony, but Spike merely shrugged and followed.

"Mister Discord, you came, and you brought a friend," an adorable filly said, an adorable filly who was actively on fire.

Spike looked around the machine that contained the inferno. "Yes, I'm Spike, I'm a dragon," he said.

"He also helped me develop the treats," Discord said, "I hope you like them, but please tell us if you don't."

"I'm sure they'll be wonderful," she said.

"If they aren't, tell us, we can change the recipe," Spike said, and caught Discord's little grin.

Discord held up his hands. "I'm not teasing you over your charming the young lady," the draconequus said, "I'm fascinated by your ability to instantly make friends with everyone. If they'd left the task to you and Fluttershy, things would have gone so much more smoothly. Does your proprietor know that?"

Spike frowned. "Let's change the subject. I want to know what else you had going on," Spike said firmly.

"Oh, I got whirled around by the Big Guy and Vladimir . . . did you figure out he wasn't what he seemed?"

"Head of the gems and stone club, yeah, you betcha," Spike said.

Discord regarded him. Then the filly laughed. "Isn't it obvious? Dragons collect what is valuable. Ponies say good relationships are valuable, so you collect and keep good relationships."

Spike blushed at that. "Uh, how are the cookies?" he asked.

"Oh." The filly wagged a forehoof at him as she took a bite. Then her expression flattened.

Both Spike and Discord leaned in with alarm.

"No, I'm okay," she said, wiped her eyes, "It's delicious. I've been hearing about how things taste for so long, and now -" She sniffled.

Discord's tail shoved Spike next to the Filly, and before he knew it, he had a sobbing pony wrapped around him.

"Thank you, you're such wonderful friends!" she bawled and she hugged Spike who carefully returned it.

Vladimir looked in the cell where one of Tear Twirler was being kept. There were nearly two dozen cells which all had one Tear Twirler in each. He didn't approve of torture, but this wasn't torture per se. "Hello, I thought you might want to talk. Failing that, you might want to listen."

"Neither of us have anything to say that the other would wish to hear," the blue-veined, green, plant-pony said, her sneer quite noticeable. "Other than, you had that white fool hoodwinked this whole time. If you can manage it, what does that make my master."

"A bigger fool than the white one," Vladimir replied, "Her Highness at least made her mistakes through ignorance and complacency, not malice and self-interest. But I understand plants do better when someone talks to them, and far be it from me to do anything so you would not thrive in our care. So." He opened up the door and issued a pink pony inside.

"Oh, Trixie said you like wheels. I like wheels. You can make them like cookies, or you can use them as gears, or you can make cookie gears, but those should just be decorative, you can't use those for machinery. Well, not any machinery that you expect to last, but like on a cake for a birthday party, that would be perfect. Trixie gets nervous about wheels, are you the reason she's nervous about wheels?"

Vladimir left the horrified Tear Twirler as he locked the cell door. He opened the next cell to let a pink pony walk in. The Tear Twirler in that cell was already transfixed by what must have been pouring through the gestalt.

"Trixie says you like salads. Kind of funny considering you're a plant now. And if you were always a plant, that's kind of gruesome, isn't it. I mean most people don't think plants can talk, but as a walking, talking plant, you'd know better. So what do you like now? Soil, rocks, fixed nitrogen smoothies?"

Vladimir closed and locked the door, then walked to the next cell, the next Tear Twirler, and the next excited, pink pony.

"Say, I've heard you like paint. I didn't ask whether it was house paint or art paint, but I figured we could talk about it."

Vladimir closed and locked the door, then walked to the next cell, the next Tear Twirler, and the next excited, pink pony.

"They say carbon dioxide is good for plants, so I'll be breathing on you a lot, because ponies breathe out carbon dioxide, so it all works out perfectly. Say, are your eyes supposed to be glazed over like that? Is that a plant thing or did you always look like that?"

Vladimir closed and locked the door, then walked to the next cell, the next Tear Twirler, and the next excited, pink pony. And the next, and the next, and met Shining Armor coming the other way.

"I can't say I approve," Shining said as he closed the door on the last Tear Twirler's cell. "This is cruelty of the highest order."

"We'll switch out the Changelings in two hours and let them rest and feed, while the next shift goes to work," Vladimir said, "I'm not completely heartless you know." Vladimir chuckled as Shining facehoofed.

Pinkie had been waiting outside the locomotive. She'd tried Twilight's breathing exercises, but they just made her dizzy. It's been going on so long, it must be a good party, she thought, But I can't go in and just ask, that might just spoil the party, me being on fire and all. I have to wait, be patient, and let them have fun. HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME!

She took a deep breath, let it out, took another one, and let it out slowly as she realized she was drifting off the ground. "Can't float away, I have to watch, and find out."

All that saved Spike from a flying tackle as he exited the firebox were Pinkie's hard-learned lessons with the Big Guy. He'd cringed as she flew, but she landed short of him and just looked at him. "Howwastheparty?" she asked as calmly as she could.

"Very nice," Discord replied, "And the cookies were a great hit."

"That's nice," Pinkie said, all smiles as Spike relaxed.

"It even gave me a little something to twit our princesses about," Discord said.

"Discord!" Spike protested,

"Oh please, after helping engineer this morning, do you think I'm going to do something terrible to poor Celestia and little what's-her-face?" Discord asked. He looked at Pinkie. "Guess who's an expert on friendship, besides you, and has been ignored as a tutor by Celestia and Twilig Sprinkles? Someone who practically has a doctorate in it."

"Doctor . . . who?" Pinkie asked.

"Not him, someone else," Discord said, "Note the 'one'."

Pinkie considered, and was even more confused when both Spike and Discord facehoofed.

Will o' Wisp set the tankard down on the bar and looked over at Ham n' Cheese, Lotsa Books and Brush & Chisel, who were also nursing their cider. Chateau Vin, Plow and Furrow, and Hay Rake were together sampling some vintages from the bar's stock.

"What are we going to do?" Will 'o Wisp said, "It's like Sombra all over again."

"Only we're Sombra," Vin added as he nervously glanced around, and downed the wine with one gulp.

"We'll do better," Hay Rake said, "We didn't kick them out of the country, we - they, just took control." He upended the wine bottle and drained it dry. "Which means they'll help us, but we're ultimately responsible."

Plow and Furrow put head to table gently, and hoped the world would go away.

"I can't figure out how they knew that Tear Twirler was all the ponies warning us that they had a nefarious plan," Lotsa Book said.

"Because they're used to it, and they talked to each other," Will o' Wisp said, then got a weird expression on his face. "Doesn't the library have Sombra's journals? I remember a big speech about how stupid and weak the Diamond Dogs were because they had a sort of democracy. He laid it out why it wasn't as good as what we had, with him."

"Are you suggesting we take everything he said was wrong, and make it right?" Chateau Vin asked.

"Yeah, I am," Will replied.

"We need a few more bottles," Vin said, "That actually makes sense, and if that's the best we can do, we should at least have hangovers as an excuse when we present it."

"Present it to whom?" Lotsa Books asked, "We are the government. The only presenting will be to the 'lords' for advice, not even advice and consent."

"We were better off under Sombra. It was a lot less confusing," Will suggested, "You just did what you were told and hoped nopony noticed you."

"Do you really believe that?" Hay Rake asked.

"No," Will said, "I'm just whining because I went from making lamps to having to help make a government. But it was better to have someone else to blame."

The others nodded.

The white, bederbied pony's ears practically collapsed as a multi-nation assault reduced her 'empire' to a tiny hoofful of cities. "Lu - Your Majesty, you promised," she said to the alicorn princess across the table.

Luna shrugged. "He made an intriguing offer, one I would not be interested in you matching."

The blue pony had put aside her top hat to play the game, and had done relatively well, teaming with Blueblood and Fragrance. She snickered. "I'm wondering how the betrayal by Princess Cadenza was arranged."

Cadence looked at the blue pony. "Shining Armor made me the same offer," the pink alicorn said.

The blue pony looked across the game board at Shining Armor.

Armor nodded to the Big Guy. "He offered to teach me how to do it. Derpy and Luna seem quite enthused by the technique," Shining Armor said.

Discord began giggling. "I'm just glad Dinky and Selene aren't here to ask embarrassing questions on just what a quadrilabial fricative does to mares."

The white, bederbied pony became almost as pink as Cadence's regular shade, while Cadence shaded to Pinkie's normal tone.

"Now technically, by the rules of the game, I don't have to deliver," the Big Guy said, "That's also part of diplomacy and international politics." He looked at both Shining Armor and Luna. "I said 'by the rules of the game', I am well aware by the rules of ever getting a peaceful sleep again, I have to, but not by the rules of the game."

The pair relaxed.

"Well, here's my part of the game," Celly said and handed a 'formal notice of surrender' to Vladimir, as did the blue pony and Fragrance. "By having sufficient territories, Vladimir wins." Celly yawned. "The rest of you are just advisors, I still have work to do tomorrow. And I think suicide prevention is going to be a major thing."

"They'll get over it," Discord said, "A little chaos strengthens people."

"Can I have your help keeping it to 'a little'?" Celly asked.

"If by 'a little' you mean while the concentrated chaos in certain individuals is reduced to a perpetuateable level, while the sum aggregate chaos either increases or remains the same, then yes," Discord said.

Celly extended a foreleg. "Deal."

"Deal." Discord shook it. "Tranquilizers in the water jugs, with a hint of methyl blue in them, and flügelhorns at each table should be an adequate trade." Discord looked around. "The 'fear' of the horns being used is the chaos. It'll focus anxiety on something while Celly is soothing them on the immediate concern."

"And the explanation that 'Blue Blood' was a polite euphemism for the actual, embarrassing but noninjurious condition on becoming a ruler," Vladimir said, "Also explaining the phrase 'inbred streak of piss' among the nobles."

The white pony snorted, which gave the others permission to begin laughing at that.

"Well," the blue pony said, "It's a trip back home for us. But we thank you for the dinner and the game."

"You're very welcome," the Big Guy said and the others chimed in similarly.

As they walked towards the train station, the pair of ponies enjoyed the companionable silence. Finally, when they were sure no one was following/eavesdropping, the white pony said, "They definitely saw through our disguises, yet . . . "

"They are all aware, but were trying to be kind. By concentrating on the seeming, rather than on the lie we all knew was being told. If everyone knows a lie is a lie, and everyone knows that everyone knows, then it's a story, not a lie," Discord said as he walked between them.

Neither pony was shocked but the sudden appearance of the draconequus.

"I'm glad you're getting out more, being with your closest friends, and - no, being with people who despise and have every reason to hate and fear you," Discord said, "But it proves they can rise above past indiscretions and attempt to redeem the fallen." He turned to the blue pony. "Yes, they did it to me, and Nightmare, and arguably the Changeling nation, first. Strange that they left a certain pony for last. Most difficult, or they just ran out of interesting and useful souls to save?"

Discord was gone before either had a chance to retort.

"He's just pushing your buttons," the blue pony assured the despondent, white pony.

"I am aware, but as our friends might argue, by pushing those buttons, and getting a reaction, he indisputably proves the buttons are there. The pressing isn't the problem, that they exist at all is the problem. Do you think Dinky, Derpy, or even Selene would have a problem with being called uninteresting or unuseful? I think they'd be secure enough in themselves and their loved ones to let it pass."

"You are loved," the blue pony assured her.

"Am I, or is the metal hat and the smile beneath it what ponies love? Is reverence the same as love? I doubt that Luna or Cadence are going to receive a night of reverence from their respective mates. Can you imagine say, Celestia, inviting Prince Blueblood, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Spike and Princess Luna to an evening of cards, or a board game? I can't, and I can imagine quite a bit. Is being able to sit at table with - let's call them former enemies, and simply play, a sign that someone is better at friendship than someone who treats everything as a diplomatic game? You will note that the other factions completely destroyed me, because they are friends, and they are able to play games with each other."

"It is also their strength that they can trust each other fully," the blue pony reminded her, "Even their 'former enemies' have been able to earn their way into that 'band of brothers' and would hesitate to lose that connection. I think that Celestia has distanced herself from the ponies around her, to avoid the pain of losing them over and over. But in avoiding pain, she is losing joy, which even Discord recognizes as a horrible thing. If you could explain how much fun we had with people we may not see again, what would you tell her?"

The white pony took off her derby and stared at it, as if it were a scrying bowl and would give the answers she needed. "I don't know. So many of those I hoped for have passed out of my life. I sought never to let that happen again."

" 'Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie--
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find--it's your own affair--
But . . . you've given your heart for a dog to tear.'"

"The Power of the Dog, a poem by Rudyard Kipling. Ask anyone who's lost a faithful pet, and you will find they will get another. Same with a friend. Anyone who locks themselves away from all hurts, locks themselves away from all life. And this is a world for the living. Statues are fine, and they last, but they aren't people, and they can't do what needs to be done. That there's not too great a step between fearing to get close to people, and treating them as if they are not 'people' is the great trap of not getting close to them. Blueblood despised Celestia for treating the nobles as chess pieces to be played against each other. In his case, that was an accurate assessment of his fate. He wasn't the piece Celestia expected, so rather than change her game, she got one who would do as she needed, and ignored the person who continued to offer all that was permitted of him, until he could escape."

"You make - Celestia, sound like a monster," the white pony said.

"No, I make her sound like a machine," the blue pony responded, "A clockwork ticking over to run the world, over centuries. Caring little for those caught in the mechanism, whether they knew they were being ground by the gears or not. And Discord was right, apathy and condescension are more corrosive than hatred. Hatred at least proves that the hater cares, in a negative way, but apathy tells the person that they matter not at all. Would you rather be thought of negatively, or not thought of at all?"

The blue pony raised a hoof to the white pony's chin. "And which hurts more, the contemptible scallywag who drags you off to play pool or board games til all hours of the night? Or the wonderful, caring father and lover, who treats everything you spent a lifetime building as a thing to be dealt with, no more alive, vibrant or worthy of praise than his truck or his drill press? And part of what you built was you. When he had a week, unwarned and ill-prepared, to build something similar, he did it and did it well. He just did it again. So, you have the one who embodies everything you hate, because it is a mirror image of how you can never be again. And you have one who embodies every virtue you aspire to, yet is also able to control and subjugate all the darkness within himself, the darkness within you that you fear. If this was a desperate plea from your student on finding herself in a similar dilemma, what would your letter back read?"

"Idle platitudes gleaned from too many centuries of listening, and not doing," the white pony replied and resumed her walk towards the train station, "It seems that the chessmaster of Canterlot has not done the one thing this alien chessmaster accomplishes with relish, listening to his pieces and using them as they wish. Discord has become a mix of Pinkie Pie and Shining Armor, Nightmare Moon is now the Special Guard in one person. Derpy has become the Mail Service, working with four plant-dragons to run mail to and from Equestria. Even Glory was given the job she was supposed to do in Ponyville, but can do it openly, and with Holly Hock on staff, the meat-eating races will send favored ambassadors to this new kingdom, just to sup at her table. And it wasn't Celestia who sent them, but Sir Eagle Belle. Another one who can select the piece for the game, instead of deciding what the piece must be, and what the game must be."

"So Celestia has a teacher, right in the palace. Perhaps one that actually cares about her enough to begin teaching her his skills," the blue pony said and adjusted her top hat to a rakish angle after replacing the white pony's derby on her head.

The white pony trudged along, only her long stride allowing her to seem to be moving swiftly.

Green Grass had taken all day preparing. Changelings who exactly mirrored a person got a bit of a link to that person. That the link went both ways was usually mitigated by the pony being cocooned, or having died of their injuries, the Changeling taking the place of those who died alone. So standing in front of all twenty-two cells at once was disquieting, but she knew which one was really her, and which ones were the changelings. Twenty-two guards unlocked twenty-two doors and allowed twenty-two, pink ponies to happily pronk out of the cells with a cherry 'see you later'. Twenty-two answering whimpers from the cells and twenty-two cell doors closing behind her did help focus her mind on the one Tear Twirler in front of her.

"Considering how well you've been fed, you should be quite willing to talk," Green Grass said, and smiled at the utterly horrified and furious expression on Tear Twirler's face. The Changelings were making similar asinine statements to other Tear Twirlers, and getting similar reactions.

"You've managed to unify all the factions who were divided about taking the reins of government, you've managed to ferret out all of Grass Light's remaining agents by associating with them, and you've managed to convince the plant dragons that their loyalty towards us is in their best interests," Green Grass said, with each revelation Tear Twirler seemed to shrink, or rather wither, more. "The Big Guy suggested that you be given the Republic Medal of Honor, right before we have you shot."

Green Grass considered. "As a solution, it definitely has its merits." She smiled at Tear Twirler. "But Discord of all pony - people had the best idea. Give you back to your master with all of what we learned from you already. You see, that's the weird thing. Links go both ways, once you can tap into them, all kinds of information flows."

"Impossible!" Tear Twirler gasped, and Grass Light was aware of the stunning revelation that passed among the other Tear Twirlers, without the Changeling Green Grasses even revealing the bombshell.

The real key happened a few moments later, as Tear Twirler went from green, to brown, and began shriveling up. She writhed a bit, but the death was almost mercifully quick. Green Grass was aware of the other Tear Twirlers facing the exact same effect.

So, Molly B can link up with her minions instantly, and she can command them to die immediately, Green Grass thought, That the plant dragons are immune seems to support the theory that they are from the original trees, and perhaps Discord's corrupted Plunder Vines, although coopted might be a better term.

She knocked on the door and let the guard verify it was her. Twenty-two guards let twenty-two Green Grasses out of twenty-two cells containing the withered remains of twenty-one Tear Twirlers, who would be carefully transported to Fluttershy, to be offered to the trees, for reformation. The plant dragons carried a little of the previous incarnations' intellect, although there wasn't much to start with, Green Grass thought, I wonder how much they can reconstitute from what we have. I wonder if she'll be as friendly as the plant dragons, if we can save the original Tear Twirler from her decent into darkness. Not soldierly thoughts, but considering the miracles I've seen this lot pull off, is it really hoping for too much for another one? She walked down the line of cells, that hope firmly in mind.

Day 81

Woona was waiting in Sir Eagle Belle's outer office when he arrived.

"Highness, if you needed me, you could have summoned me," the old bureaucrat offered.

"Considering the subject, I wanted to get in after you were wide-awake and ready for the trials and tribulations of government," Woona said, "I also suggest we talk privately."

He bowed slightly and unlocked his office. "I must say your, shall we say, restrained manner is unnerving to many of us. We are used to her Highness' more forthright style."

Woona stared at the door, Eagle Belle took the hint immediately. He closed and locked it. "It is those anomalies that I wished to discuss."

"I assure you," the old stallion said, "None take offense, it is just something to get used to."

"That's the point, what you are used to," Woona said, "Unusual speech mannerisms and style of dress, interpreting situations as having unusual meaning for them."

"Her Highness has always been eccentric," Eagle Belle said, "None of this is new."

"No," Woona said, "Celly was much like that, but the destruction of our home and the subsequent adoption by the Big Guy's harem has helped her to branch out. My concern is that you say Celestia hasn't changed. I know she hasn't changed. In a thousand years she hasn't changed. That strikes me as very odd. Everyone else has changed. Luna and Nightmare Moon who were trapped between heartbeats from their imprisonment to release. They changed. Celestia should have changed with the return of her sister. Did she?"

"Not as much as one would expect," the stallion said gravely, "What are you getting at?"

"That while she nurtures and heals all others, who does the same for her?" Woona asked, "No mare is an island, but I think Celestia is a constricted peninsula. Former Prince Blueblood made a very nasty comment, that underlies a dangerous truth,"

"The most cutting insults generally have a kernel of truth to give them bite," Eagle Belle said, "I've not heard about this confrontation."

"More like a declaration of independence," Woona said, "One that gave Celestia a few, true nightmares. To wit, why did she have to send Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville to learn friendship. Why hadn't she learned it at Celestia's hoof all this time?"

The old stallion considered. "I have no answer."

"I do, and I think I know what Discord's real game is," Woona said, "Can you imagine if you found out that your greatest enemy was trying to be your friend, because he realized you didn't have any?"

"Her relationship with Princess Luna . . . oh dear," the old stallion said as he raised his head.

"Yes, but are they friends?" Woona said, "That is the real question, isn't it. Discord has seen it, and has been leaving her a trail of breadcrumbs out of the darkness she's placed herself in."

"I - think I see your point," Eagle Belle said as he glanced around nervously, a sign of full-blown screaming panic in others, "What do we do? Everyone accepts her as she is. And while some despise me for it, keeping things running on an even-keel is both my job and my particular passion. This goes beyond merely shaking up the status quo."

"True, which neither of us wants. But it is a problem, and it many soon be a major one. Her suspicions about his, their, behaviors have proven false, but poisoned Equestria's relations with two major factors in the direction of the Crystal Republic. Both her people and her government. If the data on this Schmooze is accurate, then close coordination will be required, and that will be problematic at best."

"With you and Celly as part of the inner circle, I would have thought that would handle the connection," Eagle Belle said.

"Yes, but neither of us are the military planners. Shining Armor, untouched as he is, is still a very conventional thinker. The four planners will be using their experience and available wisdom fonts to figure out ways go around the Equestrian crown, not to seek a greater rapport and coordination. Neither Celly nor Celestia are comfortable with a direct military solution, or direct confrontation. 'Going for the throat' is not Celestia's way, hence all the 'imprisoned, banished, or statued' villains. Twilight has lately had to become the force option."

"Her Highness is afraid of going too far," Eagle Belle.

"Her Highness is afraid of people being afraid of her," Woona said, "But Discord and the Big Guy are still admired, even though they are fearsome. Critical things are getting stalled because Celestia doesn't want to appear the tyrant, but any absolute ruler must occasionally play the tyrant. Making the tough choices comes with a position of authority." She turned to the head of the Equestrian bureaucracy. "You know that as well as I. That stupid lake commission was a dumping ground for ponies who couldn't be trusted with any more authority or responsibility. What happened to them after we closed it?"

"They all got the sack," Eagle said as he frowned, "Everypony knew that such a posting, unless it was a temporary, disciplinary one was pure poison to your career. It's been a club on certain careless high-fliers for centuries, and everyone in the Service knew it."

"But you still had to sign the notice of the Undersecretary at least. Family? Wife and kids? Mortgage? Retirement plans? Flush all that for one pony, or let a problem infect a healthy department. Not an easy decision to make, yet you made it before the ink was dry on the move orders for the records we brought back. Celestia would have agonized for days, and come up with a 'clever' solution that would have spread the misery around."

"Made her the new Royal Cigar Clipper or something," Eagle Belle agreed, "And another the Cigar Clipper Hoof Bandager. If I did that it would be featherbedding."

"Yet she would do it to avoid a thought that she'd let a pony fail," Woona said, "I think we need a few more failures around here, to teach everypony it's not fatal."

"Or when it really is fatal, and when it's not." Eagle Belle nodded.

The troops practiced their 'lightning bombing' of the ground targets. Several cannons were being tested, and rockets usually meant for fireworks were being investigated for another purpose.

Tom watched all of the preparation, but felt uneasy. He alone had the mystic senses to truly understand what the Smooze/Shmooze/Schmooze was, what the progression of spelling meant, and could look at it without existential despair gripping his soul. Even Discord was uneasy with the creature. And only the Big Guy truly understood the lengths that would need to be gone to, to stop the thing once and for all.

"It isn't enough," Tom finally said, disrupting Vladimir and Green Grass' enthusiastic undercurrent about the effectiveness of the attacks.

"The inventors haven't brought their equipment to bear," Vladimir said.

"And the Changeling Queens are at least as strong as Cadence, and there are dozens of them," Green Grass added.

"It still won't be enough," Tom said, "The lightning attack, all the weapons, the alicorns, Discord and myself, it won't be enough."

"We already talked about the plan to trick the Elements here, add the Crystal Heart, and what else is there?" Green Grass asked as she glanced between Tom and her colonel.

"Tirek," Vladimir said, "And a few others in Celestia's statue garden."

"She'd never let us borrow them," Green Grass said.

"Who said one word about 'borrowing' them?" Tom said, feeling the dread lifting from his soul, "That implies we were planning to give them back. And you'd be surprised to know what Celestia 'allows'."

The delivery of the withered husks to Fluttershy, and subsequently to the 'grove' of the trees had gone surprisingly easily. Fluttershy was overjoyed to be a tree again, and especially when it meant helping the trees get more friends.

"You're nervous about the vines observing you?" Discord asked the zebra, whose house was also the vine forest that the library was.

"It is disconcerting, all the vines be watching," she replied, "Helpful as they are, I'd be happier if they're far."

"You are living inside one of them," Discord said, "They are rightly curious, as a landlord should be. I also think they are wondering about approaching the less tolerant ponies." Discord looked at the plant dragon. "My question is why Dragon-Scared wasn't put off by you."

"I am not a dragon," the huge plant creature said.

Discord waited for elaboration, but the plant-dragon said no more and continued to watch Fluttertree and the cargo it had delivered.

"Why is not the lithic Tom at our side?" Zecora asked, "There he's been since we started this ride."

"Something of mine at the typesetters," Discord said, "I would be too excited to be useful."

"Typesetters?" Zecora asked.

Discord did a very Fluttershy-like squeal and happy dance. "It's a translation of one of the Big Guy's books."

Zecora stared at him for a bit, then focused on Fluttertree again.

The platoon of Grass Light's former army stepped out of the train, onto a barren field of rocks. No town, no obvious habitation, no nothing. Only a ridge of snowcapped peaks in the distance.

"Great, I grew up on a rock farm, now I get to go back," one of the soldiers groused.

"Be glad you were above ground," another complained, "You don't think those locomotives burn wood do you?"

The train started pulling away, and revealed a lone railcar on a siding. 'You're new home.' was stenciled on the side.

"What in Equestria are we supposed to do here?" the soldiers looked around at the barrenness all around them. "They drop us off in the middle of nowhere and leave us to starve to death?"

"No, we'll die of dehydration first," another lamented.

"If the wild animals don't eat us first!" yet another screamed as he looked around in fear.

They all burst into tears.

On a hill, the eldest of the pair of monks lowered his binoculars. "We were warned they were stupid," the elder monk said, "But I thought they'd at least look in the railcar."

"Enlightenment comes in many ways," the elderly but still junior monk said, "Celestia promised to send ponies to help us train the dogs who rescue lost hikers in the mountains. Neither of us thought that she was sending us a pack of practice dummies."

"Practice nothing, they're experts," the elder monk said, hoofing over the binoculars to the other monk, "I'm going to meditate on the inherent perversity of the universe and Princess Celestia's rather piquant sense of humor. Disturb me if they do anything remotely intelligent. And committing mass suicide doesn't count." The monk closed his eyes and steadied his breathing.

The other monk watched the cluster of sobbing ponies for a while and idly wondered if close proximity to Discord and the Ponyville Monster had permanently unhinged them. No, insanity is active, stupidity is this, the monk thought and was enlightened.

Fluttershy eeeped at the close inspection by Discord, Zecora and the big plant.

"Apologies," the plant said and withdrew slightly, then dragged Discord and Zecora back a few paces.

"Thank you," Fluttershy said. Fluttershy looked at Discord. "They have sufficient Plunder Vines left to 'return' these and complete their restoration of the few other living trees that haven't grown sessile." She blushed suddenly. "That's not the word they used, but what they said is a very bad word, to them I mean." She ignored the hidden smiles and faint snickers and turned to the big plant. "They are also very proud of you, and thank you for representing them to the Crystal Republic."

The large plant bowed its head.

"And Discord," Fluttershy sat and took Discord's paw in her forehooves. "They are very happy with your part in this, your Plunder Vines are a marvelous catalyst. It's like you are a good mother." Fluttershy nuzzled his paw, then realized all she was nuzzling was his paw. The rest of him was a pile of fragments and two eyes staring at her in terror.

"I can't be a mother!" the pile insisted, "I don't have a thing to wear!"

"Tom you raised," Zecora said, "A fine gentlemen all have praised."

"But the Big Guy did all the work," the reassembled Discord said and began pacing worriedly, "We have to teach them and feed them and look after them and take them to the doctor, er the botanist and be there for baseball games and soccer and karate classes and music recitals and school plays and know when to get them the new toy and when to deny them and when to send them to time out and when to spank them and what college to go to and how to set up their retirement plans. I'm a spirit of chaos, I'm not cut out to be the responsible one . . . is that tea I smell?" he stared at the impromptu tea party.

Zecora held up a cup. "Yes, it makes the waiting easier," Zecora said, "Care for one to make your concerns breezier?"

Discord carefully took the cup, gunned it down, turned plaid and fell over. "What was I doing?" he asked as he sat up.

Fluttershy looked nervously at the tea she was drinking.

"On the cup, dear," Zecora said.

"You were just realizing that we were essentially adults," the plant said, "And while we would always appreciate your counsel, we are our own people."

Fluttershy patted his paw. "They grow up so fast."

"General Hobart would be pleased," the Big Guy said as he watched the test crews disassemble their equipment. The targets had been utterly pulverized, even the stone ones.

"We understand that we have no proof that any of these weapons will be usable against the Schmooze," Plans for Peace said quietly.

"Any weapon will work, but you'd need a lot to affect something measured in square miles," the Big Guy said, "And every little bit helps."

"We also may have a way to deal with the other problem," Plans for Peace said, "How to dry roast an entire bunker."

"I'm listening," the Big Guy said.

"The shields of the big ship store energy, and slowly bleed it off, or feed it back into the power systems."

"Yes."

"What would happen if you inverted that?" the griffon asked and smiled.

"Any place else I'd say reversing the polarity of the neutron flow, wouldn't work." The Big Guy smiled as well.

Several ponies took one look at the pair and ran for their lives.

The awakening of the Tear Twirlers was attended by the Elements, their Bearers, fifty royal guards, and a griffon general wearing a pink flamethrower.

Rainbow looked at the grim griffon. "Pinkie, I'm not sure that's what the Big Guy meant, talking about a 'feminine protection product'."

Pinkie shrugged.

The plants stirred, looked around in synchronization, looked at each with some fits and starts as if trying to work out which head and set of eyes were where, then they focused on the Element Bearers. They stared at each one for a moment, then returned to staring at each other.

Finally, they turned to the guards. "I suspect I am under arrest," one of them said, the others looking at the reaction of the other ponies to her words, "I will accept the judgement of the crown and provide no trouble."

"We need to know where Molybdenum Blossom's base is," Pinkie said, sounding utterly serious.

"I cannot betray one, and ever expect another to trust me. I am her creation. I still owe her at least that much," the spokesplant said, with the others nodding.

"She killed you," Applejack said.

"And would you kill to protect your life?" the spokesplant asked, "Besides, she is irrelevant, compared to what I am willing to share with you."

"And that is?" Twilight asked.

"A complete encyclopedia of what she has in Equestria, and what I know of the Schmooze," the Tear Twirlers said.

The Bearers looked at each other, and from their expressions, they wished Celestia or Woona was with them.

It was dark here, despite the sun being out, and the moon near to rising. But at this altitude, it was always 'night'. Tom looked at the dormant volcano, the source of the Smooze before Molly B's tinkering, and considered. The immense mass of the Schmooze still lingered under Sombra's spell. But that is weakening, hour by hour, until it will be able to break free. Then our ice barrier will hold it, until it overtops it, flanks it, or simply batters through, he thought, and briefly considered delivering a series of small matter-anti-matter charges into the bulk of the creature, letting its own mass absorb the blasts and radiation.

If I thought it would work to kill this thing or drive it off, I'd do it, he thought, But even I'm not sure I could make the blasts big enough to more than sting this thing, and not poison all the world around it. To be so powerful, and yet so helpless, is infuriating. So, this is the dilemma, do what obviously needs doing, and live with the consequences, or trust that 'lesser' being can take care of the problem with their lesser means. Sealing the Evil back in the can. But Blueblood was right, these lessers become a greater whole, a whole I am part of. And perhaps I should be considering how to poison the inside of the can, so the Evil sealed within will die, out of the way of prying eyes. 'Here's your prison, you're going to die in there.' Yes, that is what needs doing. And that is what I will do. Too bad I can't just stick Molly B and her lab in the volcano and be done with both problems.

The ponies around the table were quiet. Pool Shark was well known, and feared, among pool players. There were stories of her seeking out, and beating up players who'd she'd challenged and who then lost. Assuring that she would remain the pinnacle of pool perfection. The denizens of the tavern knew this was not the case. It seemed that Pool Shark sent her goons in first, to 'encourage a forfeit'.

It was partially for this reason the patrons were quiet. It was more out of respect that the pair who were quietly playing pool, and giving tips to some of the youngsters, had taken out eight of Pool Shark's posse, each, without help from anypony else, and without trashing the tavern. The Royal Guard had arrested the resulting heap, for causing a traffic hazard, and left without comment.

Some of the older patrons whispered about 'special forces' and 'secret esoteric martial arts'.

"No," Discord as pony said as he lined up a shot, "We're janitors, in the palace's deepest halls. You'd be amazed at the amount of weird stuff we have to deal with every day." Discord hit the cushion, deflecting the ball perfectly, it hit another cushion, then gently kissed the ball he was aiming for, which dropped into the pocket without the cue scratching. He addressed the youngsters, "Always be willing to go around. Sometimes the most obvious answer is to go the other way."

He set the balls up again and handed the cue to a young mare who'd been watching intently.

Celestia glanced around. I wonder what the others would say if they knew I was in a tavern brawl, she thought, I guess I shouldn't tell them. There are secrets they couldn't handle. She returned to watching Discord enjoying watching the mare learn some of the trickier nuances of pool, and enjoying herself utterly.

Day 82

"Momma wouldn't like to say I hate anything," Dinky said to Selene at the threshold of Sombra's office, "But I hate this place. Why do they keep it standing?"

Selene was about to answer when a voice from inside the office said, " 'All the Dachaus must remain standing. The Dachaus, the Belsens, the Buchenwalds, the Auschwitzes-all of them. They must remain standing because they are a monument to a moment in time when some men decided to turn the Earth into a graveyard. Into it they shoveled all of their reason, their logic, their knowledge, but worst of all, their conscience. And the moment we forget this, the moment we cease to be haunted by this remembrance, then we become gravediggers. Something to dwell on and remember, not only in the Twilight Zone but wherever men walk God's Earth.'"

Dinky and Selene clung to each other shivering at the quiet tone from the darkness.

"No, I'm not going crazy," the Big Guy said as he stepped from the shadows.

"Vladimir said you shouldn't spend so much time here," Selene offered.

"Well, there are things that need to be worked on, and organized. Who's going to do it if I don't? Most ponies won't even come in here. Discord is busy, and he's even more skittish about this place. Tom is concentrating on the go-forward plan. Hotaru and organize don't belong in the same sentence, her wolf friend would be better. That leaves me."

"I think you should hurry up and leave," Dinky said.

"I will, but I finally figured out what's been bothering me, and Luna, so much about all this."

"That it was assembled by a crazy pony?" Dinky replied as she walked in and looked around. Spotting Selene still at the threshold, she grabbed her and dragged her inside.

"No, that wouldn't disturb Luna so much," the Big Guy said, "And I didn't see it, but once I did, I understood why this place bothered me."

"What's bothering you?" Selene asked as she looked around frantically.

"Can we help?" Dinky offered and shivered at the thought of staying in here longer than necessary.

"Actually you can." The Big Guy gestured at the wall of connections. "I already looked. I haven't gone through the filing cabinets yet, but I'm going to take those slowly. I want you to look at all the papers tacked up. All of them are 'Her Majesty Celestia, ruffles and flourishes, and 'Sombra', or King Sombra, ruffles and flourishes, and Her Highness Celestia, ruffles and flourishes. No where in any of them is Luna named, or even mentioned."

"That can't be right," Selene said "Mom and Auntie took down Sombra together, so that was before Nightmare."

"And Luna was shocked by the Schmooze, despite the absolutely meticulous intelligence reports Sombra provided. He may have been nuts, but he was giving them a treasure trove of intel on the thing," the Big Guy said, "Why was she shocked by it? These reports were sent to the crown."

"One crown," Selene said as she hovered near the papers while Dinky examined those lower down.

"Now you see what was bothering me," the Big Guy said, "I think the whole 'didn't appreciate her beautiful night' is revisionist history, or a flawed observer. I think it went a lot deeper than that."

"Ask Hotaru," Dinky said, "She'll know. And I don't think Princess Luna will want to talk about it."

She searched, in the letters she could read, for Luna's name or any reference to her. They never appeared.

To say the court was stunned by Tear Twirlers' revelations was an understatement. The Bureaucracy was also interrogating another, and the Royal Guard was discussing things with a third. Each was completely willing to answer questions about the Schmooze, and Molly B's agents in Equestria, but not one word about Molly B's whereabouts or even her nature.

Woona, ironically, deflected all efforts for the court to press the issue, and had instructed the bureaucrats and the guards of collect 'all that will be willingly given' first.

"The creature is immune to all but the most arcane of conventional magics. Molybdenum Blossom initially could not obtain the material that would make the creature immune, hence the Shmooze, but once she had it, and could add it, it became the Schmooze," Tear Twirler told the Royal Court, "Schmooze ooze is proof against even alicorn magic."

"There has to be a weakness," Celestia said, a few shades paler than usual.

"No," Tear Twirler said, "It was a doomsday weapon. All would be absorbed and smothered, anyone struck by it would be 'mean and grumpy' was the direct translation, but sociopathic is a better word. They would lose the ability to care about others, or even themselves."

"We can contain it," Celestia assured the furiously murmuring ponies, "Sombra put it to sleep for a thousand years."

"And his entire kingdom," Woona whispered to Celestia, "And even if we sacrificed them, that just kicks the can down the road."

"What else can we do?" Celestia whispered back.

"How did Molybdenum Blossom expect to survive such an onslaught?" Celestia asked Tear Twirler.

"She didn't, but if she destroyed you and Discord, she was willing to accept her fate," Tear Twirler said, "Or she might have planned to relocate to the original pony homelands. The oceans might have provided a barrier, and the clean up of those lands would not have been beyond the means of as powerful a mage as her."

Celestia frowned at that remark. "The ancient records may provide answers," she whispered to Woona.

"The alien's library provided a number of means, but the destructiveness of those means almost precludes their use," Tear Twirler said, "And whether they would be effective or not is unknown."

Nopony was pleased hearing that.

Luna looked at Hotaru, for once without her wolf friend, and the Big Guy as she entered the briefing room. "Why do I feel that running away might be in my best interests?"

"It might," Hotaru said, "I told him, from my point of view."

"Told him what?" Luna asked.

"Everything," the Big Guy said, "All the slights and ways she dug into you, to get you to let her in. It was an impressive list. You hung on longer than I would have."

"Not the most welcome discussion," Luna said as she sat in a chair facing them. "I assume this has a point."

"You were quite willing to sign on with my plan," the Big Guy said, "I thought it would take more convincing, but you jumped at the chance."

Luna sighed. "Severe social anxiety, paranoia, frequently misinterprets situations as being strange or having unusual meaning for her, peculiar speech patterns, odd modes of dress, and extreme discomfort with maintaining close relationships because she thinks that others think badly of her," Luna said, and looked at the pair, "Sounds like someone you know? I got the diagnosis out of one of your books."

The Big Guy nodded. "Schizotypal disorder, except her eccentricities have gone on so long, they've become mainstream. Ponies used to always wear clothes, including boots and hats. Her nudism or minimal clothing became the new fashion. She's hidden her 'victories' because they really were only temporary, you and Twilight have had a more permanent effect on Equestria's enemies."

"Then why the scheme to get you back?" Hotaru asked.

Luna shrugged. "We were close, once. I suspect she wanted that again. But was it my redemption or your destruction that Twilight was supposed to accomplish?" She looked at the Big Guy. "You wanted to know why I'd so eagerly abandon my sister? Because 'Princess Celestia' isn't Celestia-my-sister. She was nothing like this, before her 'jihad' against the forces of darkness. It's like she saw the horror, and got a taste for going after those others, usually dragging me along. I had no more choice than has Twilight, I was expected to follow. To a certain extent, I still am. Raise the sun, lower the moon, raise the moon, lower the sun. She did the job without me for a thousand years, and no one the wiser. Why does she desperately need someone to share power with? Don't misunderstand, I love my sister. I just haven't seen much of her since my return. 'Princess' Celestia is always looming over us. My sister has convinced herself that the hole in her heart is Luna-shaped, and someone needs to send her a wake up that can't be denied. Your plan does that."

The Big Guy nodded. "The fact that you weren't included in Sombra's epistles started me thinking," he admitted.

"It should, the first I learned of how far Sombra had fallen was when Celestia informed me we were going to war with him. I knew the populace had overthrown the old king, when he showed up on our doorstep and begged Celestia for help. You've no doubt met toadies who mess up and come crawling back to their patron." Luna waited for the Big Guy to nod before continuing. She smirked at Nightmare's nod as well. "That's what he had the flavor of. I frankly favored the idea of ponies not coming to us and fawning all over us to solve problems that a bit of forethought would have solved easily. So I put the entire matter out of my mind and dealt with the problems of our own fledgling kingdom. My mistake, I left foreign affairs completely in her hooves, and concentrated on the 'boring' stuff of infrastructure, tax and legal code, all the minutiae. Woona is the same, as are you. The mechanism is the fascinating part. Balancing necessary order and people's natural, even healthy chaos is the fun part."

"So I take it that it wasn't ponies not appreciating your 'beautiful night' that drove you off," the Big Guy said.

Both Luna and Hotaru chuckled. Luna explained, "It was dissatisfaction over Celestia being the appreciated sister, and me being the despised sister, but it wasn't over anything as trivial as that. The night sky was my release. If no one complained about it, that was reward enough."

"So what is your goal? To force her out of her comfort zone?" the Big Guy asked.

"Catharsis," Luna said, "You had to be able to beat the stuffings out of one of your tormentors, and then trust her enough to perform a delicate and sensitive action to help two of your friends. I have to shock her enough that might shove her out of 'I'm responsible for everything' into a healthier mindset."

"Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome?" the Big Guy asked incredulously.

"You think Nightmare Moon would have had a chance if I hadn't had my own CMFIS episode?" she looked at Hotaru, who replied with a doggy shrug. "Also, I did discuss the situation with Woona, Hotaru, and Discord."

"My apologies," the Big Guy offered, "I should have realized you'd thought this out."

"No, I'm glad you were checking up on me, it shows you were concerned. About me, and my sister," Luna said, "I love my sister, and this should make her well again."

"The plan is catharsis," Hotaru said, "As well as letting others fill the hole in Celestia's soul. Pining for someone and putting them on a pedestal, only to have the flesh and blood person fail to meet expectations is not healthy."

"So, we continue with the plan," the Big Guy said.

Luna and Hotaru nodded.

"The Schmooze will never know what hit him," Hotaru said and gave a doggy laugh.

Vladimir looked at the traumatized Tear Twirler in the cell. She'd escaped the purging of the others, somehow, had felt their deaths, resurrections, and betrayal, after losing her connection with Molly B and the rest of her 'sisters'. "Renegades, renegades," she muttered as she rocked, her forelegs wrapped around her rear legs. She shot to her hooves. "DON'T TELL THEM THAT!" she shouted, then sat and went back to mumbling and rocking on her butt.

"We have a scribe here at all times," Green Grass said, "But most is incoherent ramblings."

"I'm sure Discord will want to work that into his act," Vladimir said as he stared at the plant-pony, "Can you imagine having everything you are stripped away in an instant?"

"Ponies have survived it," Green Grass said, "She'll survive it. Or she won't. Either way, there's little we can do that we haven't already done."

Vladimir nodded and headed away. He had a dinner planned with Fragrance and wanted it to be special.

Celestia noted with chagrin that she'd arrived in disguise at the tavern before Discord, and had already fallen into the practice of giving a few lessons to the younger players. I guess I am predictable, she thought.

"What's going to happen with that Schmooze?" one of the older patrons asked.

"Celestia'll deal with it," another said.

"No, she doesn't do that," the bartender said, "It'll be the Element Bearers."

"Lot of responsibility for young mares," the first said, "Why not the army? Isn't that what they're for?"

"Against monsters?" the bartender asked, "The Elements. Yeah, sad life for those kids, no family, no future, just monsters, forever."

"Until one gets lucky," the first said, causing Celestia to wince.

"I hate to say this," Discord-pony said as he entered, "But I'm glad the Ponyville Monster is leading this fight."

Everyone turned to face him.

He shrugged. "Would anyone in this room like to face him?" Discord asked, "He's defeated everything that's been thrown at him. Although now he's got to get two at once, so it might be a little taxing."

The ponies seemed to relax a bit at the reassurance. His raised an eyebrow at Celestia already being there, already tutoring did nothing to soothe her mood.

"How do you two know so much?" One of the patrons well into his cups asked.

"We're janitors," Discord said, "Give a pony a mop and a set of coveralls, and they become invisible. The nobles discuss all kinds of stuff in front of you."

Celestia frowned at that, not just because it was unfortunately true, but that everypony accepted that as a full explanation.

"The real question is what is going to happen to all the agents," Discord said, "Who were working for Molly B."

"I thought she was Molly be Damned," the bartender said.

"Technical she's Molybdenum Blossom," Celestia said, "And I don't know what to do about them. They mostly thought they were working for the royal houses."

"Traitors!" The mare getting the lessons said, "We should string them all up."

"Naw," Discord said and shook his head, "Celestia's got them handled. If they were dumb enough to fall for that, then they're exactly who Celestia needs plotting against her. Would you rather have somepony competent?"

Most of the crowd agreed they didn't.

41) Nut, Bolts and Inverse Whorl-Threaded Sanaka Flavins

Cultural Artifacts - Nut, Bolts and Inverse Whorl-Threaded Sanaka Flavins
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 83

"Boring!" Shining Armor's shout echoed of the walls of the Great Hall of The Tower, "How can you say hoofball is boring!?"

"I didn't say it was boring," the Big Guy replied, "I said 'I would be bored'. That's not the same thing."

The silence that reigned was broken only by the sound of Discord munching popcorn, so Cadence stole a hoofful and munched alongside him.

"How can you think it's boring? The strikers rushing down the field, the defense rushing to intercept," Shining said with an expression bordering on religious rapture.

"Sound and fury, signifying nothing," the Big Guy said, "There's a sport like it at home. Lots of kids burning off huge amounts of excess energy running around, no goals are scored, so no hard feelings, and little equipment is required. Perfect for little kids, but paying to watch adults doing the same thing, accomplishing nothing? Sorry, only accomplishing anything by accident. Boring. I'd rather watch bowling, at least they accomplish what they set out to do."

Shining stared at him, he wouldn't have stared at Discord that way, even before his 'redemption'.

"Why don't you ask someone else?" the Big Guy offered, then both of them noted the crowd that had gathered. Discord had a popcorn machine and was handing out bags. Everyone was happily munching away.

"Book signing," Discord said, "Canterlot, Vanhoover, Appleoosa and here, at the same time. Being four places at once is a bit taxing, even for me."

"He already said no," Cadence said.

"Derpy's with the dragons working on the codes for the postal service," Selene said, "Celly is going to replace Celestia for the day, and Discord is going to have momma, auntie, and Woona as fillies, the Crusaders, Dinky and me are going to have a romp and a picnic."

Vladimir shrugged. "Polo, dear boy."

Shining's jaw dropped as he stared at Vladimir. "You'd rather watch polo than a match between Manehatten Maulers and Fillydelphia United?" Armor asked, nearly a squeak.

Vladimir gave him a look that spoke volumes. He said, "Watch, no, I'm playing, sir."

"The regiment always fielded two teams, and one always got into the Grammar Fields, think the Equestria Cup," Green Grass said, "Three years ago, the two regimental teams met each other in the final game."

"Heartbreaking for the losing side, but they could at least know that the regiment's honor was on display for all to see," Vladimir said wistfully, "Of course you've never heard of it. Why do you think I competed so hard? Even Princess Celestia didn't attend, so few knew of my exploits." He snickered. "Although they all said, I shouldn't be playing Number 3, but 1 or 2."

Armor stared at them as Vladimir and Green Grass broke into laughter.

"You should come watch," Green Grass told the Big Guy, "We'll be teaching some Crystal ponies how to play. If we get a league going, we'll be in the Grammar Fields next year."

"Tom?" Armor asked.

"Temporarily seconded to the Assembly as sergeant-at-arms," Tom replied, "Besides, it has unfortunate connotations, considering my appearance, and your history with hoofball and Discord."

Armor blanched at that, but Discord just chuckled and handed Armor a bag of popcorn.

"I'd love to come watch, but I'm demonstrating a couple of my rifles to the inventor corps," the Big Guy said, "And answering questions afterwards."

"Hotaru is dealing with our remaining Tear Twirler," Tom added, "Trying to delve into what's left of her mind. To find out what Molly B did, and how our remaining flower resisted."

"I know she said 'no', but what about Cadence?" the Big Guy asked.

"No," Armor said automatically.

"I didn't say 'no', he said 'no'." Cadence giggled. "If I go to a hoofball game, he has to come with me to a flower show."

Armor shivered at that.

"Just out of curiosity, is a flower show about decorations, gardening, or food?" the Big Guy asked.

"All of the above," Cadence replied.

"Why don't you invite one of your army buddies?" Discord asked, no one had the heart to point out the transverse-crested helm he wore actually existed, back when pegasus generals fought side-by-side with their troops.

Armor pawed the floor and watched his foot move. "They aren't interested," Armor said, " 'Too pansy', rugby is their sport."

"Ask Pinkie's griffon friend, you can even offer him a full briefing on the critter we've got up north," the Big Guy suggested.

Armor frowned but nodded.

Discord was actually worried, fearful. We talked about it, Discord remembered discussing, at length, with the inner circle, and all of them were supporting him, But they all warned me that public speaking was the hardest fear to overcome. He steadied himself and waited a bit. He checked the stack of books in front of him. The other 'hims' at the other book-signings were equally nervous, and equally fidgety, waiting for the stores to open.

Velvet ropes defined the queues, and a security guard was on hand. Not to defend Discord, but so nopony started anything in the first place. If a fight started, Discord knew he was just supposed to leave.

The stampede into the stores he expected. The mania among the approaching ponies was expected. The pushiness of the Manehattenites, the sparse crowds of Appleoosa, the disdain of the elites of Canterlot, and the quiet queuing of the Vanhooverians were expected. The Vanhooverians would queue up even if they were going to chop me to pieces, Discord considered.

What really confused Discord was that Spike was the first to approach him at the Canterlot book-signing. The elites were packed cheek to jowl, but none would be the first to approach. So this is what confusion feels like, Discord considered, I actually kind of like it.

"Three unsigned copies, and one signed to me, and one to Twilight," the little dragon said, and placed the bits on the table.

"I thought you were minding the library," Discord said as he struggled, briefly, not to put something snarky in Sparkle's copy, he even managed to spell her name correctly, on purpose.

"She'd have an - attack - if she found out we didn't get a first edition of your book for the library," Spike said, "So I closed the library and left a sign that said I was on a book hunting expedition."

Discord shrugged. He switched out the random copy for copy number two, Celestia would get number one as an anonymous present, and wrote something actually nice for Spike, who opened it and began skimming, turning the book this way and that to read what was written, "Yep, you got that part right."

"You've read the original?" Discord asked.

"Sure, I sent a note to Celestia to see if she objected, got no reply, and she, not Twilight was in charge, I read a few," Spike said, "Including this one."

Discord rubbed his hands together. In Vanhoover, Appleoosa and the Crystal Republic, he was merrily signing away, kibitzing with the customers, but in Canterlot, only Spike had approached. "So what do you think of it, overall?" Discord asked and felt the crowd leaning in to listen.

Celestia-filly was covered in mud. Filly-Cadence only face-hoofed at the sight of their exalted and supreme leader, alabaster perfection and hair done just so, running across an open field and doing a belly flop into a deep, mud puddle. Then rolling around in it.

"Now, who wants to wrestle!?" Celestia asked.

"You Highness!" Rarity said, "It is unseemly -"

Covering Rarity in mud silenced her.

"That for being seemly!" Celestia-filly said and bucked another glob of mud in Rarity's direction.

"That's certainly how she was in the old days," Luna-filly said, and Woona-filly nodded. Deflector shields protected them from the oncoming storm.

"IT IS ON!" Rarity announced and fended off Applejack and Rainbow, who tried to intercept her charge.

Fluttershy's wing covered Twilight's eyes. "Don't, it's too brutal."

The yelling and screaming from the mud puddle proved too much for Twilight who watched her often-prissy, but superbly-trained friend Rarity, going all out against a filly barely out of foalhood, and losing.

Twilight looked to Cadence, also a filly, who was simply watching and showed no inclination to intervene. Neither were Woona nor Luna. Twilight sighed, advanced, and got a face full of mud.

Realizing the adults were going to do nothing, the Crusaders, Dinky and Selene advanced, and soon had both Celestia and Rarity separated, out of the mud, and headed for the creek for a washing.

Applejack tagged along. "So nopony drowns nopony else," she said in response to the questioning glances from the Crusaders.

Rarity disdainfully 'Hmm'd and tossed her mane, spattering everyone with mud. Filly-Celestia giggled at Applejack's sour reaction to that.

Hotaru knew dreams almost as well as Luna. She had rarely been within a waking dream, but that seemed to be the extent of Tear Twirler's mind. Huge numbers of metaphors and similes about broken bridges, severed roads, signs proclaiming no return, and so on really made it obvious what was bothering Tear Twirler.

All that really confused her was her wolf friend dutifully trotting along as they passed through the disaster of disconnect that reigned throughout Tear Twirler's mind.

I'm not even going to ask how you got in here, Hotaru said as she looked at a staircase seeming climbing no where, that was missing a whole slew of steps in the middle.

I think I know how she did it, Hotaru said, Now we just have to find her.

Hotaru was confused that the wolf seemed eager to take the lead now.

He's got more of an idea than I do, she thought as trotted after him.

"So what's the point of this CURSE OF GREYFACE stuff. He just sounds like an overly officious pony. What's wrong with that? We all benefit from Harmony," Spike asked, a bit loudly for a book store, but there was a crowd of ponies who now echoed Spike's question. In whispered tones barely above the rustling of pages.

Discord also noticed that since Spike had been interrogating him, the workers had to refill the kiosk clear across the bookstore where The Principia Discordia was also stocked. Ponies wouldn't approach Discord, but they were buying and reading the book. Even as he prepared the response, some ponies were paging along to read it themselves. Discord also realized exactly what Spike was doing. He had to stay antagonistic, but that pointed antagonism was serving Discord's ends of selling the book and spreading his philosophy.

" 'THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM,' sorry you did that reverb thing, so I had to," Discord began, " 'To choose the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both order and disorder. . .

To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to choose the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both order and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only accept creative disorder along with, and equal to, creative order, and also willing to reject destructive order as an undesirable equal to destructive disorder.'"

Discord looked at Spike. "So there is destructive Harmony: group-think, forcing conformance, being a 'Yes Pony', etc., to be creative, you have to either go against existing paradigms, or combine them in ways not done before." He continued quoting, " 'The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead of building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential positive/negative. He has thereby caused people to endure the destructive aspects of order and has prevented people from effectively participating in the creative uses of disorder. Civilization reflects this unfortunate division.

POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we work toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order, is possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.'"

Spike shrugged. "Makes sense. So about this next part."

Hotaru realized she was not going to report back on the exact method of 'raising' Tear Twirler. I expected needing more than lifting a leg and doing what a dog does to wake her up, Hotaru thought as the flower opened at the impromptu shower of fertilizer.

"Do you know who I am?" Hotaru asked.

"Nightmare Moon," the flower replied, smiling and waving in a breeze Hotaru didn't feel.

"And who are you?" Hotaru asked.

"Does it matter?" the flower replied, "Who I was, what I was, was an extension of Molybdenum Blossom. A cutting of her. A bit of her body and magic. Now I am like you. Free."

She sounds like a drugged Fluttershy, Hotaru thought.

"So what do you intend to do? Take root? Or do you want to live?" Hotaru asked.

"Why bother with either," the flower said, "Soon the Schmooze will get you all."

"And Molly B," Hotaru replied.

"Perhaps, or she might be grafted elsewhere and live on," the flower said.

"And I am supposed to believe that someone as arrogant as her would allow a duplicate to exist?" Hotaru asked, "She exterminated your sisters when she suspected that we might find her. Does that sound like the action of someone with a contingency plan? She panicked and killed all the others. Not well enough, the others revived them."

The flower stopped waving, and took on a serious mien, as serious as a regular flower could be.

"That cannot be. They could not betray her so," the flower said.

"You did, by deciding to survive," Hotaru said.

"No, I - I had to!" the flower said, "I had to! Don't you understand? I had to!"

"Why did you have to survive?" Hotaru asked, "It would seem that your creator had decided your fate already."

"I had to! I had to!" the flower repeated.

The Wolf yawned and settled in to watch.

Hotaru envied his patience.

The inventors murmured at the power and accuracy of the rifle, and the Big Guy's effective use of it against the targets set up well out of effective bow range.

The griffons had a couple of others that he had unloaded. They were trying to figure out if their body type could even fire it. The minotaurs could. The ponies were even more hard pressed.

"None of these will work against the Schmooze. It's far too large," he told them, "Some of your weapons might be able to project something into it that might poison it, but only locally."

"It's Molly B's other minions that sparked an interest in these," Flim said, not rhyming or singing, a sign of his awe of the weapon.

"These will be of less value. You'd need a slower, larger diameter bullet. I've got diagrams of those," the Big Guy said, "But your magic will prove more effective."

"The Crystal Ponies aren't unicorns," Flam said as he examined a muzzle-loader. A replica that the Big Guy had as a 'wall hanger'.

"Then the lower velocity and recoil would appeal to them," the Big Guy said, "It's the reloading that would be the problem. Cartridges in breechloaders would be the choice. The reason that the cartridges are smaller is that an international commission decided killing the soldiers was better than crippling them. Harder to convince the next generation to go to war if one-armed Uncle Louis is still alive and walking around, than if the enemy killed him in the last war."

He looked around at the horrified ponies, griffons, minotaurs and Diamond Dogs. "It was to make war more humane. Like forbidding shooting up a cathedral that would likely still be around for the next generation, but wiping out blocks of people's homes that would likely be replaced every 20 years or so was perfectly all right. Making people remember those wars made the politicians who sent people out to die feel so much more guilty and they had to work so much harder to convince people to fight the next one."

The field of incredulous stares surrounded him. "You had leaders like that, and you have qualms about how Celestia runs things?" Flim asked.

"Anything can be improved," the Big Guy said, "And that ruthlessness is needed facing this - these enemies."

Rarity, washed and hair in curlers, still glared at filly-Celestia. Said filly responded with giggles. "You wouldn't even consider doing that if I was in my adult form," filly-Celestia said and laughed some more.

"Whaa?" Rarity said.

"Our forms were changed, not our minds," Woona provided, "Discord told us we could play, but we'd still be ourselves if a crisis intruded."

"So all that . . . " Applejack asked, wondering what punishment for Les Majesty she was in for, for her part in bathing Celestia.

"I'd stick with the insanity defense," Pinkie whispered to her friend.

Luna laughed. "That was why we agreed to this. Discord's spell changed us, which made you willing to accept us as fillies with whom you could play, and you would be the authority figures," Luna explained, "And we could run around and play with other kids, instead of worrying about what everyone thought." Luna looked at Celestia. "And Discord would take the blame for whatever happened."

Celestia blushed, then nodded.

"Okay, enough seriousness!" Cadence announced, "Do we just eat our own lunches, or do a buffet?"

"We tie Pinkie's mouth closed so we can all sample all the treats in peace."

In stunned amazement, everyone stared at Pinkie.

"Hey, that's what the Big Guy would say, and you all know it," Pinkie told them and grinned.

"Sounded exactly like him," Applejack said.

"What about lunch, my little ponies?" filly-Luna said, sounding like adult Celestia.

"Only the finest greens covered in spices and sauces so none of the original flavor comes through," Selene replied, also sounding like Celestia.

"Cooked by means better suited to Twilight's experiments than food preparation," Applejack added, in a fair Celestia impersonation. Her friends all stared at her in amazement.

"What? Y'all ferget I lived in Manehatten?" filly-Celestia replied in Applejack's tones and accents.

"They'll just put it down to a continuity error," Rarity said in a Pinkie-like voice.

"Naw, they'll just say we goofed," filly-Cadence said as Rainbow Dash.

"Say, why don't you do me?" Woona said as Rainbow.

"What about lunch?" Rainbow bawled.

"That's awful."

"Worst Rainbow."

"Sounds nothing like her."

"Get that hack off the stage!"

Derpy was dragging as she walked into The Tower as the sun set. The sudden ear scratching she received lifted her spirits. She leaned against the Big Guy and sighed.

"Long day?" he asked.

"More tedious than tiring," she said, "A lot of what the manual calls for doesn't apply. The dragons are very reasonable and thoughtful, it's good working with them. We got a lot further than I expected, but I just want food, a shower and sleep."

"Good that Dinky is staying with Selene and Luna," the Big Guy said.

She nuzzled him. "And ponies wonder why I love you."

"How many sessions are left to be done?" he asked

"Just one," she said as they walked into the dining room, "If we move at the rate we did today." She yawned, still leaning on him. "You keep scratching my ears, I'm gonna fall asleep in my soup." She yawned again.

"I won't let that happen," he said.

She nuzzled him again.

Luna did not like meeting with Nightmare. She liked it even less when it was in dreams that she had to meet her. Hotaru's apparent exhaustion did give Luna some satisfaction.

"She went from 'I had to', to 'No other options', to 'she gave me no choice', to this," Hotaru said.

"Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't she trust me? Why couldn't she love me? Why? Why? Why?" the little flower crooned, her leaves wrapped tightly around her stem.

"You of all ponies could answer that question," Luna said.

"So could you, and the answer would get us no closer to where we need to be," Hotaru replied, and moved back out of the hearing range of the flower, "There is too much at stake to simply break her and hope that we can reassemble the pieces into a whole. For all that you think of as what I did to you, I simply pried up the limits on what was already there. The monster you became was always part of you. I simply let it out. The reason Discord was able to break me, using the Big Guy's mind, was he's seen the monsters that would put Nightmare Moon to shame. Interested not in ending all life, but putting it in a cage and torturing it endlessly for their amusement. Ironically, that's the kind of mind we're dealing with here. The dark aspect of Celestia where every being is a piece to advance the game. Where others seek to keep ponies happy," she said and nodded towards the flower, "That is evidence that the game is all. That playing the game is more important than decency, or even winning. The Game must continue, even if no one else is left to play it."

Luna shuddered at that. "Does she know that we know?"

"I have revealed nothing, just asked questions," Hotaru said, "But the question would shatter her. Her master sacrificed her and all the others, to protect secrets we already knew. That would pry up gates to who knows what," Hotaru said, "I may be vicious, but even I quail at the thought of what that might unearth."

Begrudgingly, Luna nodded. "Agreed."

Day 84

The younger but still elderly monk watched the master climb back up the hill. In the camp below, there were stirrings, which incrementally took on more of an indication of actual activity.

"Are they moving?" the elder monk asked, on receiving a nod, he sighed, "Those ponies are idiots. But if idiots are what we have, idiots are what we use."

"They're finally going into the railcar, instead of hiding and sleeping underneath it," the other monk said, and offered the other monk the binoculars who waved them off with a sigh.

"Considering the pack of superstitious rubbish I had to drop on them, I'm not surprised," the elder monk said.

"What did you tell them?" the younger monk asked.

"That I was a Breezy hallucination, and that we'd put food and water inside the railcar, and if they wanted further enlightenment, they should head up the foothills and ask the monks," the elder monk said and looked at the ex-solders who discovered they'd been sitting outside their means of salvation for a couple of days. "I'm going to return to my pallet. Those idiots are probably going to try to carry the railcar to our doorstep, and I am in no mood to sit and watch them."

The younger monk was going to scoff at his elder's supposition, when he looked at the group and realized that's exactly what they were arguing about. "No, take the food, water and tents with you," he whispered, "Or at least uproot the track and use that to move the rail car on." He sadly realized the path to enlightenment was not for all ponies, even when it was paved and giving extravagant signage, and he was enlightened.

Tom watched the eyes move on the Schmooze. The spell is weakening, he thought, We won't have much time. If Sombra's records are correct, once it breaks free, it'll be in the capital in two days. He dropped down out of line of sight, and proceeded to the capital. So, are we ready, no. But another year wouldn't make us much more ready. Do we have the firepower, again no, and we aren't likely to get more? There's no Manehatten Project, so there's no hope in that direction, and no hope that would have any permanent effect either. So what we have is all we're gonna get, he realized, Spread the word, and not the panic. Wonderful.

Pinkie looked across the table in the Crystal Republic, and over at the Big Guy. "This is the weirdest party planning I've ever done," she admitted, feeling distinctly uncomfortable about it.

"Contingency plans, Pinkie," the Big Guy said. He didn't seem sad to Pinkie. But he was more than determined, but less than resigned. "You do what you can, whether you think you'll need them or not. In this case, I hope we don't need them. But if we do, we won't have time to prepare, and these have to be right. It'll be critical they strike the right balance. And pluck at the right heartstrings." He chuckled. "We can't have everypony beating you up to ease their tensions."

Pinkie giggled at that. "Well, I'll be ready in a couple of days. I hope that'll be soon enough."

"If Tom's report is correct, it's just waking, and we'll have two days after if breaches the wall for it to get here," he told her.

"Do you really think it can get through a wall of ice a mile high and two miles thick?" she asked.

"Over, under, around or through, I'm not going to bet anything I cared to lose that it couldn't," the Big Guy said, "The obvious question is why no one dealt with it before. If they couldn't, we'll have to take some extreme measures. Hence the contingency plans."

Pinkie grimly nodded.

The assembly was already in an uproar. They'd told the few diplomatic groups that had arrived lately, and send Derpy off as a courier to Canterlot itself.

"We have agreed to evacuate the farms in the monster's path," Will o' Wisp said, "And to officially inform all the other governments of our findings." He looked around. "Where are Vladimir and the Big Guy?"

"Going through Sombra's file cabinets, and all the data there," Discord said, "Tom's helping, but it's pretty gruesome stuff."

Will o' Wisp nodded. "Is there anything you can do?"

"I can help with the evacuation, but against that? Not anything that wouldn't leave the Crystal Republic and half of Equestria a burnt out wasteland for 10,000 years," Discord said, "Like Celestia dropping the sun on it. It might work, but the consequences would be enormous."

"What about asking Molly B for help?" Ham n' Cheese asked, "She can't want to die to that thing."

"She has plans to escape, somehow, across the ocean," Hotaru said, "As for her knowing how to stop it, Luna and I did our best to find out without being detected. The Schmooze is the ultimate scorched earth policy. 'If I can't have the world, no one can'. Luna, Celly, and a few others are going through the ancient library for any reference." Hotaru nodded to the squat, gray-black building that squatted outside the tower, yet somehow seemed to loom over it.

"We can get some citizens to repaint that atrocity," the artists said, "Make it seem like life will go on, and a bit of a distraction."

Will o' Wisp nodded.

There are things that defy easy classification. Your mind registers it, catalogs it, then goes 'nope, you're on your own sunshine'. Discord walking into the banquet hall in a sailor fuku might have that effect on most, but not on the 'lords' of the Crystal Republic who had been sitting down to a working lunch. That he looked like Tammy Fay Baker doing a Sailor Senshi cosplay, neared the limits. That he had an absolutely furious expression on his face gave it enough nudge that they all watched him approach the central table quietly. He selected a paper napkin and began wiping off the garishly pink lipstick.

"I don't think Celestia, ouch!" he said as he removed the inch-long, false eyelashes, "Will have any trouble with what you do to Molly B. Ouch! If you hit her soon." Discord began removing the round circles of purple blush. "She's more miffed at her than she ever was at me, and she encased me in stone."

"Are you all right?" the Big Guy asked.

"No," Discord said as he yanked the wig off his head, setting the long pigtails bouncing, and looked like he was ready to throw it across the room, then he put it back on his head. "I'm extremely angry. One of Molly B's agents decided to keep the court from finding out about all the spies in key places."

"Is that why you're cosplaying Sailor Moon?" the Big Guy asked, looked at Discord's chest, "Sorry, Sailor Jupiter."

"No, and don't give me any 'life-affirming chaos' stuff," Discord warned, "I am not in the mood."

"What happened?" Dinky asked as she left her place and stood beside Discord, radiating cuteness at him full force.

Discord glanced at the Big Guy who nodded. "The spy, one Hatta Marey, decided the quickest way to forestall the revelation was to poison the entire court at their lunch buffet. I wasn't going to stick my finger down 200 throats, and even I would have trouble doing 200 at once." He gestured to his costume. "It was the quickest thing I could think of." He took a 'cute' pose and nearly spoiled everybody's lunch. "They'll be all right. It got the poison out of their systems very quickly."

"I - " Armor began, only for Discord to hold up a warning finger.

"I want to say 'thank you', you probably saved some of my friends," Armor continued.

Discord nodded. "Now if you don't mind, I need a bath." He stalked off, tossing elements of his costume in all directions as he did.

"Let me get this straight," Cadence said, "Discord didn't want to share that image, with us."

"There is such a thing as holding things in reserve," the Big Guy said.

"Oh . . . dear," Cadence said, "I suspect that Woona and Luna are going to have a busy time tonight."

"It beats being dead," the Big Guy said.

Nopony remembered seeing Celestia angry, really angry, since Discord's first escape. That fire paled into insignificance with the fury radiating off her Highness now. The disaster at lunch had pushed her a good deal harder than anyone had before, striking at the very heart of the Equestrian government, in the capital itself.

The Guard was handling the investigation. Celestia had other fish to fry.

The guards at the librarians' quarters were especially grim. There were rumors these ancient newcomers had something to do with Hatta Marey's attack, but nothing had been confirmed. Celestia had ordered they keep it to themselves.

The elder Apples weren't near tears as Twilight had been, but Celestia knew that had they been a little more spry and a good deal less seasoned, there would have been teeth spread all over the floor.

"Thank you," Celestia told Granny Smith, showing the face she usually showed to everypony.

The old mare nodded, collected a few more of the elderly Apples and moved off to their quarters.

Celestia let her anger show again as she walked in. The quiet laughter at their treatment of the Equestrians vanished as the time-displaced ponies realized she was not having any of it. And angry nobles in their time meant messy deaths soon after. "So, you've made your feelings quite clear," she said, "We haven't proved that you poisoned the royal court, or had a hand in it, but we will. And anything we do as justice or retribution will be laughed off as too weak for tough ponies like you."

She scanned the crowd, and saw their barely hidden contempt. Fine, she thought, If yelling and screaming get their attention, I won't lower myself to that, but they will know they stepped across a line they cannot call back.

"We have tried to accommodate you, when you objected to 'horn-heads' discussing with you, we replaced them with earth-ponies, some of the best. You have done all in your power to reduce them to tears as you did Twilight Sparkle. They have let me know they are near their breaking point. You should be very proud."

"What has me confused is why you would ally yourself with Molybdenum Blossom's ring of spies. After all, her mother ordered the burning of your library. I guess I really don't understand you. To be driven from your homes, and a few weeks later to provide the secret knowledge of your anti-unicorn poisons to the spiritual and literal descendant of your enemy." Celestia shrugged at the horrified earth ponies. "I guess we really don't understand you. But you have convinced me to grant your dearest wish."

The concern spreading among the time-displaced ponies faded and they began grinning to each other. Hugs and hoof-clasps would wait until Celestia left.

"We're going to send you home," Celestia said and smiled as their joy caused them to chatter among themselves. "Right back where you got you."

That froze them.

"That's right. Back into that inferno. Right back into the funeral pyre we rescued you from," Celestia said and ignored their frantic whispering, "Since we are 'weak and soft' we'll send you back just at the moment the vapors from the paint and varnish reach their explosion point. Right when the blast blows out the walls and supports. You won't be there long enough to be more than singed. The force of the blast will finish each and every one of you, and the collapsing roof will bury your corpses under tons of flaming debris and red-hot slates. It's what you want, and I do hope you enjoy it."

She turned and left, ignoring the outcry behind her. The guards had already locked the door behind her. She turned to the guards. "Put them on water and hardtack, have teams clear out anything except the clothes on their backs and tell them we expect those to be turned over as well. The items and the clothes have historic value, and will teach us things we want to know about the past. They have shown us only things we want forgotten."

"Yes, your Highness," the stunned guards said.

"They will have a legal counsel there to take any - well Wills aren't necessary, the crown has seized all the property they have. But Last Testaments will be permitted. No one should leave this world without having the chance to confess and beg forgiveness. It would be cruel to deny them that."

"Yes, your Highness," the guards said, "We'll send to the JAG office for lawyers and clerks."

Celestia nodded and walked back down the corridor, ignoring the frantic cries behind her. The message had been sent, she wondered how long it would take to settle in.

The Big Guy vaguely wondered whether the rescue would counteract the complete Le Majesty he was committing. He dragged Celestia out of the crevice in the ice that had served as their observation post, by her tail. The guards had been completely useless, several despite warnings to not go peeking over the edge, they had. So Derpy had to drag them back from the edge. Now, not even to rescue Celestia would they approach the crevice. With Derpy rescuing guards, he was left to rescue the Celestia.

The transition from statue to all-enveloping Celestia-skin rug was unwelcome, but not unexpected. Luna had reacted much the same way.

That the guards were having apoplexy was quieted by his and Derpy's glares at them that would constitute assault in most jurisdictions. Derpy's warning glance to him was answered with a disgusted eye-roll. The snickers from Derpy did nothing to raise his mood as he tolerated what most other ponies would carve out their living heart to receive. He still kept expecting a knife in the ribs. The 'insanity defense' would be perfect.

That Celestia jumped away, as if she'd been hugging a red-hot stove, restored some normality to the world. "I apologize, I don't know what came over me," Celestia said.

A dozen cutting remarks struggled to escape, but the Big Guy contented himself with a nod. He did allow the cutting remarks one consolation question. "King Sombra's reports would have warned you about the effect," he asked, "Didn't you read them? Or did you think he was exaggerating?"

The guards growled at the question, although the Big Guy had managed to keep his tone 'curious' instead of confrontational.

"I didn't believe it was possible," Celestia answered, "Although considering the panic ponies often get into, I didn't consider that it would have such an affect on more hardened ponies." Then she stared at Derpy, who was dragging back a guard who'd stepped too close to the edge. "How are you unaffected?"

Derpy shrugged. She pointed a hoof at the Big Guy. "I know he loves me. You can do anything if someone loves you."

Celestia hid it, but Derpy had planted the barb quite deep in a very tender spot.

I wonder if she meant to, the Big Guy considered, I thought she'd be very considerate, or she could resent that we told them everything, that she personally reviewed the messages for accuracy and delivered them herself, and they still didn't believe us. I guess ignoring getting called a liar, even second hand, is a bit much to ask for someone whose entire life has been one of utter integrity.

The smile was forced, but Derpy didn't seem to mind.

Don't confuse 'nice' with weak, the Big Guy thought, Nice just means you play by the rules, it doesn't mean you don't know how to fight dirty.

The two unicorns got off the train, and looked around disdainfully. They 'endured' customs, and told the agents they were there on business. They didn't mention there was a lot of pleasure in their business here.

They walked through the streets, and had to hold tight to their disdain by sneering at what they were envious of. The Tower was their destination, and they'd take care of their real business there.

They didn't notice the eyes watching their every move, relaying it to others. The stroke they hoped would fall like a thunderbolt was already being prepared for before they were halfway to the Tower. And the forces gathering to oppose them were of infinitely greater capability and astonishment than they were.

Friendship might be magic, but payback was a bitch.

Derpy kept squirming in mid-flight. She couldn't help it. It was making it a little hard to fly, but she'd manage. The Big Guy rode on her back, something normally only foals did, but he also had his legs clamped firmly around her barrel far forward so he didn't foul her wings.

But there was a time when stallions rested on mares' backs, and wrapped their forelegs around the mare's barrel. This wasn't that, this just felt naughtier, like wearing a tight saddle, or those stories mares whispered to other mares when no stallions or foals were around. Certain books, always about a misunderstood mare and the powerful, dangerous stallion, who was always gentle and courteous to her. But when . . . She righted herself, tried to put the thought out of her mind. But those powerful legs clamped around her, moving, squeezing . . . She shook her head to clear it.

"Are you all right?" the Big Guy asked, his breath tickling her ear and returning her thoughts to where they really shouldn't be.

"Fine!" she replied, then realized she sounded like Dinky.

"Well, I can see your grin through the back of your head, and you keep fluttering," the Big Guy said, "Is something bothering you?"

She struggled with an answer, then realized he'd accept what she said, so she decided on the truth. "First, don't change what you're doing, I enjoy it."

"Okay."

"Second, have you considered how mares and stallions, uh, arrange themselves to get the mare pregnant?" Derpy asked, blushing furiously, "Especially pegasi, in flight?"

She did squeal as he ground his legs tighter and nibbled her ear. "Submit, me proud beauty, or fall to your doom!"

She did giggle at that.

"It might be a chance to test out the shapechanging magic. It's unfair to make you meet me all the time."

Her fluttering this time nearly landed them in a death spiral. "What?!" she demanded.

"I wasn't hanging out with all the changeling queens to cheat on you and the others. I was studying. There was enough changeling magic in that soup around Fragrance that we all picked up a little," the Big Guy said, "I can't duplicate any specific other pony, but I can be the pony I would be if I was a pony."

Derpy hadn't considered how easy lately it had been to assume the form he favored. She'd never considered she'd done it without the queens' help. It took a few more moments, not helped by the ear nibbling she was getting, to realize all of what he was suggesting.

"Right HERE?! In front of Celestia!" she shouted, and glanced back at the royal coach where the serene sun was watching them rather too intently.

"Oh course not," the Big Guy said, easing the frantic hammering of Derpy's heart. "I'm not a very good flier yet. We'd pick a cloud and invite her along, making her watch would be cruel."

Now Derpy did drop like a stone. She recovered quickly and climbed. Then noticed the golden chariot of her former sovereign charging in as if to rescue them.

"Are you all right?" Celestia asked, apparently worried.

"She was just reacting to my teasing," the Big Guy called back, resting his chin on Derpy's head and hugging her around her neck, "I knew she really wouldn't drop me, and if I fell off, she'd catch me."

Derpy didn't know if her blush showed through her fur, but she felt her heart hammering again, and her wings felt unsteady as what he said, and what he'd been teasing her about came together. His complete faith in her made her feelings want to burst through her.

"And just what were you teasing her about?" Celestia asked, sounding mildly peeved.

"Married couple stuff!" Derpy blurted out, before the Big Guy told Princess Celestia Solar Magnificat, exactly what they had been discussing. She then realized she had effectively told her everything.

"I . . . see," Celestia said. Her face and expression seemed neutral, but there had been a slight crack in the facade for a moment.

Derpy thought Celestia, the pony all other ponies looked up to, looked longing and forlorn, At us? Why? She's got to have plenty of ponies to be friends with . . . no, she doesn't, she realized, How is that possible? She can't be - jealous - of me?

Derpy didn't drop, but she did flutter a bit as the magnitude of the revelation hit her. He was serious, she doesn't have anypony. Everypony is afraid of her, or rather everypony is afraid of approaching her that way, she thought.

"He said you were lonely, but you are, aren't you, I didn't believe him, I thought he was being a little mean because you two don't get along, but I guess even if it was mean, he was right," she said, ignoring the horrified expressions of the two pegasi guards as she landed aboard the chariot, and Celestia shying away from her. She felt the Big Guy slip off her back as she approached Celestia. "I'm not going to hurt you," she told Celestia as she approached, "And if your guard breath a word of this, I'll let the Big Guy use his imagination on them." She'd cornered the alicorn in the back of her air chariot. She had a brief impression of the Solar Diarch bolting like a frightened cat, before she got her forelegs around her neck, and began nuzzling her. "It's all right, it's all right," she told Celestia.

Dinky had no idea why she was outside the city, with Cadence, Selene, Sapphire and the Changeling Empress. "You want to know how I taught the Big Guy magic?" she asked the assembled ponies, "Huh?"

"He doesn't seem to accept standard magical theory," Cadence said, "Despite having absorbed a fair amount of Fragrance's power, he doesn't seem to channel it well."

"Well, partly because he's sort of an Earth Pony. He doesn't have wings or a horn, when he was doing spells before he was using a piece of bone as a wand," Dinky said, "And I was treating him like a foal learning magic. Foals can do 'wish-magic' doing what they really want, but they have to really want it. He's the same, he's got to really want it, and he has to be able to figure out an . . . agalong, aloginy . . . "

"Analogue?" Cadence offered.

"Yeah! That's what he called it. So he can soup-up an existing device, but can't make something out of nothing like a unicorn can."

Dinky looked around at the mares around her. "Why the rush all of a sudden?"

"We've been teaching him shapeshifting magic," Sapphire said, "Just an hour here and there, we're just lucky changelings have a different sense of aesthetics than ponies."

Dinky put being talked above her head together with the nervous glances among the others, and the changeling outright blushing. "He changed into that alicorn again, didn't he?" She pronked happily. "Momma's gonna be so happy!"

"He just needs to tone it down," Cadence said, rubbing her forehooves together.

"Why? I want more siblings," Selene said.

"Besides, he's got all his mares in one place, and I'm sure they don't want him to tone it down. He can be human for going out in public," Dinky said.

"Maybe when you're older, you'll understand," Sapphire said.

"I know what happened last time, and I know he likes to tease his friends," Dinky said, "You just need to tell him not to do it in public. He'll understand. He'll do it when he's alone with momma and Luna, and the others."

"We can't tell him that!" Cadence gasped.

"I can," Selene said.

"So can I," the Empress said, "I'm long past the age I'd affected. But one form isn't enough. He can be others, and I want to help him with those so he can better understand what other races are feeling and thinking."

"Oh, okay," Dinky said as she sat down and thought.

"Jackpot Venture and Smoky Bolt, what a surprise," came the voice echoing through the Tower's empty hall. The two unicorns heard the sounds of hooves behind them and looked at the guards cutting off their path of retreat. When they looked back, Discord, Shining Armor and Vladimir nee Prince Blueblood were standing before them.

Jackpot Venture sneered. "So, what brings you out? Too much work somewhere else?"

"There's a delightful phrase to describe lawyers like you," Vladimir said, " 'Ambulance chasers', it fits you to a 'T', and that inbred narcissist beside you."

"Insults are very interesting," Jackpot said and brandished a letter, "We have a writ. While I don't expect you to respect it. Captain Armor knows the importance of the law."

Armor approached, but Jackpot had put away the letter. "We have the right to take this pony's filly," he said and nodded to Smoky, "And Celestia's hoofprint makes it legal."

"Guards, seize them," Armor said, and extracted the paper, scanning it briefly.

"This is outrageous! The crown will hear of this," Jackpot said.

"Waving a paper with Celestia's hoofprint is 'only interesting' here. There's no treaty between our two countries, and frankly, this only gives you the right to discuss the matter, not seize the filly. Lock these two up for forgery and attempted foalnapping, then contact the embassy." Armor smiled and looked at the pair. "You'd better hope for Celestia's intervention. Because we haven't managed to change the laws around here, and foals, fillies and colts were considered Sombra's property. You can imagine the kind of punishment he'd come up with."

The guards dragged the petrified stallions away. Discord followed at a discrete distance, but not very discreetly.

"I have wanted to do that so often," Armor said, "When that jackanapes waved a paper in my face and cowed so many ponies, usually my superiors believed his lies and told me to back down."

"Oh, it wouldn't have mattered," Vladimir said, "There is no reciprocity agreement between the countries. But frankly, I wish you'd waited. Smoky Bolt always gets physical when thwarted. It would have been nice to not hold back myself."

"I thought you hated getting hurt, or dirty," Armor said.

"I hate being in danger," Vladimir said, "Do you honestly think Green Grass would tolerate a commander who couldn't keep up in close-combat drills?"

"She would threaten to beat you up instead," Armor replied.

"A good subordinate should know how to motivate his or her superiors," Vladimir said, "So how did the game go?"

"Oh," Armor said, perking up for a minute, "It was really close, they almost scored a couple of times."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe you should take up polo, get out on the field and compete yourself. As I understand it, Ram Fleece is a polo fan."

"REALLY?" Armor asked, looking a bit like his wife or sister for a moment.

"Where do you think she came up with the power forward shift? It's a standard polo move," Vladimir said.

"She said she learned that from the Canterlot Generals, they're a polo team?" Armor asked.

"They're an exhibition polo team, they always win against the Vanhoover Globetrotters, well, usually," Vladimir said and blushed.

"I take it you played on the Globetrotters?" Armor asked.

"Yes, except when I stepped on the ball, 'trotting the globe', I accidentally passed it," Vladimir said.

"You cheated?" Armor asked.

"No, I did the face plant and everything, just like I was supposed to, that's how they got their name after all. It's just that they hadn't expected it, so we got a goal. They caught on the third time I did it, and some of my other advantageous ineptitude," Vladimir said, "So we only tied, but it was for Princess Celestia's Charities, and no one really knew it was me. Being thought a complete idiot has its advantages."

Armor facehoofed.

Cadence spotted the royal air-chariot, she and Armor awaited the arrival of Celestia and her two guards. They didn't expect Derpy and the Big Guy to be aboard the chariot.

"What's wrong with Celestia?" Cadence whispered while the chariot was maneuvering to land.

Armor nodded. He had never seen Celestia look so totally beaten. As soon as the chariot had landed and rolled to a stop, Derpy fluttered up to face Celestia, giving her a hug and a kiss on the muzzle.

Armor was surprised by the strength and the variety of the emotions surging through him. Of course he was jeal0us at Derpy's familiarity, more so when Celestia rubbed the mare's head and kissed her on the forehead. The second was astonishment that Derpy would be brave enough to treat Celestia this way. The last was shame, for if Derpy could treat Celestia this way having met her only a few times, why hadn't Armor, who'd had many more times to meet her, treated Celestia as a pony, rather than as a - the sanctified ruler of all. And why am I afraid of her? She's never more than scolded a pony, Armor thought as he watched Celestia's wistful expression as Derpy 'landed' on the Big Guy's back and hugged him with all four legs. I wonder if the Big Guy keeps acting or even being afraid of Celestia, when he isn't afraid of Discord or Nightmare Moon, or both together, as a way to hurt her without giving her a way to react. After all, how can someone ever earn your trust, if you carefully avoid any situation where you have to trust them?

Derpy started to lift the Big Guy up, like a backpack of flight, when Cadence called. "Wait, we have something we need to tell you all."

Derpy settled back, and Celestia stopped looking wistful and looked concerned. Cadence looked like she wished to be anywhere else.

"Well I started this," she murmured, then in a louder voice, "We had a visitor, who had a legal writ hoof stamped by Celestia."

Armor let out the breath he was holding and wondered if he was going to have to break up a fight, and whom would be on which side.

The cell was barren, and the company was not pleasant. Ponies didn't hire Jackpot Venture for his pleasant after-dinner conversation. Dried seaweed wrapped rice, filled with steamed soybeans and peanuts had been tasty enough, exotic even . . . until the jailers had told them what it was.

"Can you shut that blasted mare up?!" Smoky Bolt shouted through the grate in the door. Whatever madmare was in the adjacent cell was driving him mad.

"Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't she trust me? Why couldn't she love me? Why? Why? Why?" came through the walls loud and clear, over and over and over.

"At least move us to another cell!" Smoky called.

"Different cells would be good," Jackpot said.

"Oh, you find my company that unpleasant?" Smoky asked his attorney.

"I have figured out why that country mare didn't want her filly to be around you," Jackpot said, "Fortunately, the law isn't about who's right, it's about who can hire the best attorney."

"Actually it's about who wields the greatest force," came from the face peering through the grate, the white face with magenta eyes. Eyes that were not soothing at the moment.

"Your Highness," Jackpot bowed, and kicked Smoky to give him the hint, "I am so glad you've come to rescue us."

"Actually," Celestia said, "I'm here to advise you to stay here in this cell where Equestrian Justice can't reach you. I've requested Woona go over every Royal Writ you've been awarded, and your subsequent actions and claims. Considering the grossly inaccurate representation of the writ you had in your possession today, I suspect that you have done this before. I'm also sure that being the accomplice of a foalnapper won't look good. Especially of such a pretty and eager little filly. It's amazing the rumors that are spread at such times."

"That's not true! That's slander!" Jackpot said.

"You are his attorney, you did take his bits, and you knew his reputation," Celestia said, "Or did you fail to do the math about how old Derpy was when Dinky was conceived. Not illegal, technically, but she wasn't the first, and she wasn't the only. And she wasn't the last, now that he's a good deal older the 'technically' is a good deal more threadbare."

Jackpot was staring at Smoky with horror.

"There was nothing illegal about it," Smoky said, he faced Celestia, "There's nothing illegal about any of it."

"There's the law, and then there's who has the best mouthpiece," Celestia said darkly, "I suggest you both stay here. They are at the moment rewriting the laws, so I wouldn't demand a speedy trial. The current punishment is 'Boredom', a magic door that essentially puts you in a small motel room, on a rainy Fillydelphia Sunday evening after everything has closed, with the sure and certain knowledge that someone, if fact everyone around you, is off having a wonderful time, somewhere else. Nothing to read, the jukebox in the next room is full of bad covers of your favorite songs, and you can't switch it off. And the whole thing drags on forever, until they let you out."

Smoky couldn't think of a more subtly horrifying way to spend time. Even a cell with Jackpot and the moaning madmare were preferable.

"Well, I'll leave it to you, I can send the embassy staff to see about your transference of custody, and charges, to Canterlot," Celestia said brightly.

"Thank you, your Highness," Jackpot said, "That won't be necessary."

"Well, bye," Celestia said.

They waited in cringing silence for quite sometime before Jackpot spoke, "What did they do to her?"

Hotaru stared at Celestia as she peered at the last of the Tear Twirlers. "I finally understand why you held me in such contempt," the former Nightmare Moon said, "I was always trying to overpower a target. A sharp knife is better than a sledgehammer."

"You are learning," Celestia said, then gave a mad grin, "Are you afraid of me?"

Hotaru drew back. "Yes."

"I thought so," Celestia said as she returned to 'normal'.

Luna had heard of terrifying things in her life. She was still amazed that the innocuous remained the most terrifying.

"We told her," Derpy admitted as they were getting ready for bed.

Luna froze. If we start now, we'll never be able to run away fast enough. There must be half the Guard streaming towards us. With the Element Bearers. I don't want to face the Elements again!

"Why?" she managed, sounding strangled.

"Because Celestia deserved to know," Derpy said, "And why it's got to be that way."

"She'll stop it." Luna glanced around, and expected Celestia to come through the walls filled with righteous anger.

"No," Derpy said sadly, "She won't. She doesn't want us afraid of her anymore. She didn't know even you were afraid of her."

Luna nodded. "Not my greatest source of pride. But I am. Why aren't you?"

Derpy shrugged. "What can she do to me? The only thing I'm really worried about is losing Dinky, and she plays by the rules too much to take her away for good."

"Twilight Velvet might have a few counterarguments about that," Luna said.

"Dinky's no Twilight, and I'm not a Canterlot noble," Derpy said, "I respect Celestia, your sister, my princess, but she isn't a source of dread. Unlike the rest of you, I can walk away. Her showing up is like a bright, sunny day in the middle of winter. But I accept winter has to come. You huddle around her as if you'd freeze to death if she left."

"She does encourage that sort of thinking," Luna countered.

"Because you treat her as a wishing well with legs," Derpy said, "Not a pony. Or an imminent storm. Again, not a pony. It's cruel not to tell her the truth. To not let her grow up because you're afraid of what that might mean."

Luna minced around a bit at the truth of the accusations.

"She deserved to know what really is her fault, and what's just the rest of you being scared," Derpy told her.

Luna sighed and nodded.

"Am I interrupting?" the most gorgeous alicorn stallion asked, driving most thoughts from Luna's mind. The thoughts remaining were not safe for children.

Solid, matte silver. Not a mirror but it shines with light, Luna thought, A mirror like that you could fall into forever. A royal blue mane. The royalest of royal blues, she thought drinking in his very existence. The purple fetlocks. Describing motion when even standing still, Luna thought, They are so playful. And that magnificent tail, like a weapon of war or a lovers caress, or both for lovers who have been naughty.

"I based it on Rarity's description. She seems to have a handle on pony beauty norms," the stallion said.

Luna would have stood in awe while that voice read the Royal Tax Code. Wait, Rarity?

"Who are you?" Luna asked, only to watch him transform back into the Big Guy.

He nearly collapsed, but Derpy helped him sit with some grace.

"Something of a strain," he admitted, still leaning on Derpy. "Although I am practicing for you all."

"For which we are grateful," Derpy said and nuzzled him.

"So, now that you two are done talking, should we let the others in?" the Big Guy asked.

"Does Celly know you can do that?" Luna asked.

"Yes, just not the latest iteration," the Big Guy said.

Luna nodded.

Celestia waited in her quarters in Canterlot for Discord's arrival. The irony of him was that he'd misled her, given half-truths, done things without telling ponies. But when confronted, he always told what he thought was the truth. He can be wrong, but he's never told me a bold-faced lie to my face, she thought, And how many others can I say that about with confidence. How many are too willing to 'spare my feelings'/avoid my wrath?

Her transformation into the familiar Earth Pony heralded Discord's arrival. The instant he appeared, she jumped him. They went rolling across the floor of her bedroom. He hadn't been expecting it, and was really not expecting to wind up on top.

"Is this what you wanted? Is this what you hoped to achieve?" she asked and was a bit shocked when Discord rolled off her and transformed them both back into themselves.

"Eventually, yes," Discord said, "But specifically tonight, I wanted to play pool, and watch you smile as you taught others the finer points of the game." He glared as the guards burst in. "She's all right, private meeting." The guards were back outside and the doors closed.

"You know about this plan?" Celestia raged.

"More than you do," Discord said dismissively, "I know that while you claim otherwise you want things to revolve around you. Because you've convinced yourself if they are reacting to you, you still have more control, you can protect and guide them better. The problem is that some people want their own life, their own mistakes, and some of them have figured out that achieving escape velocity takes a very big boom that goes on for quite a while. This isn't about being free of you, or free from you, this is just about being free."

"And you approve?" Celestia asked, nearly in tears.

"Everyone has to grow up, even you," Discord said softly, "And a thousand years of rulership doesn't mean you grew up, it just means you act grown up. Grown up compared to your ponies, and even I can do that. My sojourn within his noggin was supposed to give me a window seat on all the chaos he caused among your ponies. It showed me chaos beyond my worst nightmares, and chaos beyond my wildest dreams. I grew up. I put Nightmare in a place where she saw her endgame played out, with her as its victim instead of its ruler. She grew up. Luna had a child, something that finally put her ahead of you in something you both cared about. And she found out how petty and cruel ponies still are. She grew up."

"And now you think it's my turn?" Celestia asked.

"No, you've been thinking it's your turn," Discord said and began ticking off the points, "You didn't interfere with Luna raising Selene. You didn't interfere with the rearrangement of the court, and you didn't switch it back the moment you were back in control. You didn't give Blueblood the one thing that would have kept him here, if not Canterlot then Equestria. You didn't interfere with the 'equdus' of three alicorns, two powerful and highly-placed unicorns, and a pegasus with an intimate knowledge of Equestria's entire communications infrastructure, you haven't pressed your claim that the Crystal Empire should be part of Equestria the way Appleoosa and Baltimare are. And you're having second thoughts about the way all this was handled from the beginning." Discord shook his eagle's talons and got rid of the extra digits. "The point is, you are already most of the way there. You just need one good shove to get over the goal line. But you haven't. For a thousand years you stayed where it's safe for fear of not being there for Luna. Now Luna doesn't want to be the anchor that prevents you from getting to where she is."

"I just have one question: why? There has to be a gentler way to achieve the same goals," Celestia said.

"Because everyone who cares about people wants them to grow up. Being childlike is one thing, as long as you can switch it on and off. Being stuck as a child helps nopony. Luna wants to grow up, and moving out, then moving on is the only way. Woona grew up as she thought of ways to help Celly. If you really want to know, ask Granny Smith how she'd feel if when Applebloom grew up she decided to head off and start growing Zap Apples in the Crystal Republic. Yes, she'd be hurt initially, but she'd get over it and she'd end up feeling proud. Luna hopes you feel the same. Oh . . . " Discord vanished briefly, then reappeared. "Sorry, unfinished business."

"What did you do?" Celestia asked.

"Well, I remember healing Granny's hip and letting her dance up a storm. I just went back and fixed her hip," Discord said, "With her permission, of course."

"Putting a doctor out of work?" Celestia asked.

"No doctor who was ethical would do a hip replacement, the surgery is too invasive, and Granny is old. But I don't need surgery," Discord said as he appeared in doctors' garb.

Celestia facehooved and sighed. "Maybe you'd better explain this, all of it."

"You want me to step through every aspect of the decision making process?" Discord said, and changed to Twilight, and several chalkboards filled with 'equations'.

Day 85

It's like watching the ocean lapping at the shore, Tom thought as he watched the Schmooze back up much of the mass it had facing the wall. It backed up a mile, and surged forward. To scale, it was like backing up a hoof-width to crash through a wall. But in truth it was building speed for a mile, to crash into a 2-mile thick wall. The wall seemed to be holding. But each impact spalls off more of the ice. It's wearing away at the wall, and it has nothing else to do, Tom thought, At the next surge I may add a few presents for it to roll over, and once they're engulfed, see what they do. There has been a great deal of theorizing about this, let's see what reality has in store for us.

Tom looked towards the ends of the wall. The Schmooze hadn't started trying to flank the barrier, that spoke to either its intellect or its attitude.

The Republic's council managed to maintain their demeanor. Shining Armor suspected that either Tom or Discord had done something to the ponies to prevent them from panicking.

"It will batter through," Tom said, "It smashed through almost a hundred yards of ice while I watched. I also used a shaped contraterrene charge. No effect. Didn't even slow down its rhythm"

Shining watched the Big Guy pale at that.

"No gamma emissions?" the Big Guy asked.

Armor would ask what had the Big Guy so spooked. He would ask later. I'll ask why he was so shocked that Tom shook his head no, Armor thought.

"Any idea how fast it will break through?" Cadence asked. She seemed the only one who wasn't on the verge of pronking in terror or vibrating with the need to go DO something.

"No, it will accelerate as it wears away the wall," Tom said, "And putting another wall is not a decent solution." He looked intently at Cadence, quite a trick for a featureless, gray ball. "Are you and your team ready?"

Cadence nodded. "That's the only thing keeping me calm." She glanced around. "I have faith in all of you. We'll get it."

Armor smiled at her simple faith in all of them. Discord wandered in, looking very cross.

"I think I'm beginning to understand why people don't like chaos," he said, sounding very grumpy and put-upon, "Everything was going really well. And then this happens!"

"You briefed Celestia?" Luna asked.

Discord nodded. "Then Woona, they'll brief the court and the Elements."

"All right," Vladimir said, "The evacuation plans are in place, and our counterstrike plans are well underway. We just need the council's approval."

"All opposed?" Will o' Wisp asked. Other than the sound of heads turning to look at each other, the room was silent. Will O' Wisp looked at the 'lords'. "I don't think we can approve, but we do urge you to go ahead. The record will show no one voted against."

"Politics," Armor whispered to Cadence.

Vladimir looked around Sombra's office. "Does anyone else hate we always keep meeting in this place?"

"Dark setting for dark speculation," the Big Guy said as he stared at the maps and measured the distance with a compass, "It's also the only place where the Crystal Ponies won't spy, and panic about our wild speculations."

"All right, what is a 'shaped charge contraterrene'?" Armor asked.

"The mechanism is not something ponies should know about," the Big Guy said, "Let's just say when my people developed something far more primitive, they measured the output in thousands and millions of tons of conventional explosives."

"Fifty megatons," Tom said, "Other than a slight glow through the entire creature, no effect."

"So gamma radiation isn't absorbed like it would be in regular matter," the Big Guy said, "And if it were elsewhere, when the explosion went off, all the gamma would have escaped."

"What are you two talking about?" Discord asked.

"He tried to heat the thing up, extremely hot, in a localized area," the Big Guy said, "Instead, he warmed the whole thing. Likewise, any attack we launch will be distributed through its entire mass."

"So does that eliminate the attacks by the pegasi and changelings?" Derpy asked.

"No, it means that it won't have an immediate effect," Tom said, "We should still go ahead. It's just that we need to calculate how to hit the whole thing somehow."

"Short of dropping the sun on it, I don't think we have anything else," the Big Guy said and stepped away from the map. "And from what Hotaru and Luna have said, the Elements won't have much effect. The Elements attack the personality. If this thing doesn't have one, the Elements are essentially useless."

"I'd be fascinated as to why I was stripped out of Luna," Hotaru said, "While Discord was encased in stone, and you were essentially unharmed."

"The Elements invert the personality. You possess ponies, you were yanked out. Discord is chaos, he was encased in not just stone, but single-crystal material, about as orderly as you can get. For me, I can be the inverse of my personality, without being harmed. And 'unharmed' is stretching the point. It was extremely uncomfortable, and may have had a part in my rather odd behavior and reactions to things later. So I was harmed, just not obviously."

Hotaru nodded. Derpy fluttered up so she could give the Big Guy a hug. Armor smiled at that. "That still leaves the problem of how do we know what's going to work?" Armor asked.

"We don't," Discord said and shrugged, "The best sources are ambiguous, or insane. Even I recognize that isn't a reliable source of information. With the handful of ideas they don't point to any easy answers, and the likely weapons are of dubious effect. All of it leads to 'we may go down, but we'll go down fighting', that also isn't a pony way." He glanced at Armor and Cadence. "Too many ponies think 'Celestia will save us'." He glanced at Nightmare. "I can speak from personal experience, neither I nor any other enemy was a push over. I hope we can beat this thing, but it may be the attitude, focused through Cadence and Armor's team, that wins the day. So don't let my natural cynicism infect you. Look at who beat me, sure a couple of alicorns the first time. But they hit me unexpected. The Six Bearers, I was sure I broke them, and they overcame. Then people in this group taught me that I could be me, and still not be an enemy. I'm not reformed, and I will do everything in my power to stop this thing," he said angrily, "Because I have seen ponies embrace what I am, to their benefit. This - thing - would be a perversion of Harmony beyond anything I ever planned. I did not want Harmony to be the ponies' choice, now I see I should have vowed not to let Harmony be their only choice or even their exclusive choice."

The others nodded as Discord sat down.

"I have no tongue for such speeches," Hotaru said, "Perhaps I enjoy the dark and quiet too much. But I will do everything I can to defeat this thing." She glanced at Luna. "I can deal with being hated. But this would make everything it touches not care, about anyone or anything. That is something to be feared."

Vladimir nodded. I wonder if the Schmooze realizes, or could realize, the forces arranged against it, he thought as he looked at the determination on every face, I just pray it will be enough.

Woona stepped into Celestia's study. Transformed into a war-room as the knowledge of the Schmooze battering at the wall had spread through the court, then to Canterlot, and to greater Equestria. "Are you all right?" Woona asked, she knew that Celestia and Discord had spent a great deal of last night together. Some was talking, some was Celestia sobbing, and some were things Woona wanted no clarifications on. The revelation of the Schmooze had changed Celestia's sort of 'floaty' expression, now she was focused on a problem. I wish she had been allowed to stay floaty for a while, Woona thought as she waited for Celestia to respond.

"Everything was going really well. And then this happens!" Celestia said.

Woona glanced behind her. "The Wonderbolts are ready to deploy. The Element Bearers have been informed and are standing by."

"Get trains ready to move people from the Crystal Republic to places in Equestria. They'll be frightened and disorderly, understandably, but we have to be ready to welcome them. I suspect that the main battle will take place around the capital, even the Capitol, if they aren't successful, they'll need to evacuate ponies quickly."

Woona nodded. "Is there anything more we can do?" Woona asked.

"Short of landing the sun and moon on it?" Celestia asked as she looked up from the maps and charts, she looked back down, "Nothing I can think of. And I wish I did."

"There will be time, even if their defense fails." Woona said, "We'll have time."

"How far do we fall back?" Celestia asked as she looked up from the maps and charts, "And what do we do when we've retreated so far we run into the back of this?"

"We haven't lost yet," Woona said.

Celestia nodded.

Derpy had more 'volunteers' that she'd had before. I heard their fears, she thought as she drilled the newcomers on cutting out cloud chunks and delivering lightning to fixed and moving targets on the ground. But I also heard their hope, which is real? Both? That's hard to fathom.

"No stomp hard get it to deliver the whole load at once," she called as she raced over to a very tentative pegasus, "It's a cloud, you can't hurt it." She stomped on it hard, discharging a massive bolt, then realized that usually got her shocked along with whatever she was trying to electrocute, but this time, it didn't happen.

I wonder why? she thought as she flew on to cut out another section of cloud and bring it forward. Two days, she thought as she looked into the distance, Once it breaks through, it'll be here in two days. She shook the thought off and returned to training.

High above, the military pegasi were training the griffons and the plant-dragons in air-to-air combat. No one on Equestria had the Diktat Boelke to build on, and the griffons hadn't fought anything but each other in centuries, and those were formal duels with rules.

That's dirty street fighting in the sky, Derpy thought, No rules but destroy the enemy. Not nice, but we all expect that Molly B will attack the troops, the city, or both, while we're fighting the Schmooze. After all, her best result is we're exhausted, and she can annihilate us at her leisure. Derpy's eyes narrowed. That's not going to happen!

"No, you featherbrain! A BIG piece of cloud!" she shouted and headed to the pegasus who had a piece barely Dinky's size.

Discord and Tom floated unseen over the Royal Statue Garden. Some of the statues were statues. Some, like Tirek, were ancient enemies of Equestria. They had a list, and were carefully verifying the ones they needed were still there.

"She won't be happy with what we're doing to them," Discord said and looked around worriedly.

"What she has to forgive, she can't deny permission for," Tom said, "Excellent, they're all here. What a bunch. I can think of no better cellmates for the Schmooze that this bunch. And if it 'Schmoozifies' them, so much the better."

"What has that thing ever done to you that it deserves to be treated to the likes of them for all time?" Discord said.

"If you could sense what that thing is, without panicking and closing yourself off," Tom replied, "You'd understand."

"I'll take your word for it," Discord said, "If it can do that to Mr. Reasonable, I don't want to think what it might do to me."

Celly walked into the Tower, and spotted the one person in the world she desperately wanted to see, to hold, so she did.

"Are you okay," the Big Guy asked of the fully-body cast he'd just been engulfed in, "We haven't seen you for half a chapter.".

"No," Celly admitted, then looked at him, " 'Half a chapter'?"

"Something Discord said," the Big Guy said, stroking her fur in ticklish ways.

"Well, I went through the library, especially the secured section, and while I found all kinds of awful things, nothing on the Schmooze. Fragrance is with Vladimir, probably doing what we're doing," she nuzzled him and rubbed her wings on his back, "Even she was shocked by some of the things we found."

"Anything that would work against it?" he asked.

"Yes, something we can do with the lightning, and something we need to do with the staging," Celly said.

"Sounds like something to talk to Derpy and Trixie about," the Big Guy said.

"Can we stay here for a while?" Celly asked, "I . . . "

He nuzzled her. "Sure," he told her, and her heart soared from deep depression up to mere gloom.

Trixie looked over the 'plan' and what Tom and Celly had discovered about the Schmooze. "It eats despair?"

"And hope," Tom said, "That's what it sucks out of people who are immersed in it. What you have left are people with neither hopes, nor fears, if they happen to get out at all."

Trixie shivered. "And what has Trixie done to warned learning these wonderful secrets?"

"Simple, we need you to help put on a show," Tom said, "One for a very discriminating audience."

Trixie didn't smile, she knew that Tom could make eating a flaming excrement sandwich sound like something to look forward to.

Glory was briefing Sir Eagle Bell and the new Captain of the Royal Guard in Sir Eagle Bell's conference room/public office. "The creature is huge, and evidently any local magical effect is distributed throughout the entire mass, so normal spells are essentially useless. They have trained pegasi, and presumably changelings, to attack with lightning, in hopes of delivering enough of a charge over a large enough area that it will be stung. As for destroying it, evidently Tom tried that, and it had no effect. The thing is just too big, and it distributes any attack over its entire body."

"So how is the flying corp expecting to effect it. If it is as large as you say, all that lightning would be a mild tingle," Eagle Bell said.

"They're started doing something to the lightning just before I left. The lightning was green and purple and orange, not the usual colors," Glory said, she looked at Eagle Bell, "I'll admit, I'm scared uncle, it doesn't take a mathematical genius to realize if it can reach their capital in two days, it can reach here in five, or Vanhoover in four."

"And our southernmost border in twelve after that. Assuming it doesn't accelerate," Eagle Bell said, "Not the most heartening possibility."

"We can put a lot more pegasi into the air than they can," the Captain of the Guard said, Glory couldn't remember her name, because unlike Armor or even Vladimir, she wasn't memorable.

"Not against the 25 thousand changelings that can put to flight, as pegasi, Captain Red Shirt," Eagle Bell said, the arrogant guardsmare gawked at that. "We have been collecting rolling stock to assist in any evacuation, your packet contains the details as they stand. It seems that we must watch and wait. After you've delivered the packet, return here with their response. Then you can remain."

"Will all do respect, sir, uncle," Glory said, "I'm going to return to my post. As you've said, Canterlot is only a brief respite. I'm a clever pony, if I can't figure out something to help, I'll at least be Equestria's representative when our friends and allies face their nightmare."

Sir Eagle Bell saluted her and she returned it. "Spoke as a true Bell. But save a seat, I may run away to report back, but I want to see this thing for myself. And I too am a clever pony." He smiled to his niece.

Forget-me-not cut out another section of cloud and raced back to the discharge point. Sweat nearly fouled the pegasus' sight. I'm a soldier of Equestria, the little pegasus thought, But I'm not going to let these scrubs think we aren't in this too, even if it is just me.

The lightning hit in a weird, diffuse blast, not the crisp single bolt the guard drilled into every recruit. It was also the wrong color. Who am I to judge? Forget-me-not thought and turned to get another piece of cloud, At least now they're seeing how an Equestrian soldier reacts, when Derpy said 'blast' I said 'how fast', these slugs are getting better, but what I wouldn't give for a few dozen weather teams. The soldier glanced around. Not that they'd make a difference with these numbers, but every hoof helps. And the best is still an inspiration to the rest.

Forget-me-not emptied the cloud in the weird new way, and raced back to get another one.

The sun set, not because Celestia wanted it to, she knew of all the efforts going on, and that night would curtail those efforts. But they also need rest to think and restore themselves, and the Schmooze will be unaffected by night or day, she thought, If day and night cease to have meaning, only hours and minutes will take their place. And something needs to be normal and regular.

As the sun set, and the moon rose, Celestia looked at the myriad glittering stars. Neither Luna, nor Woona could really control them, but she could control the atmosphere that let them be seen, giving the illusion of changing star fields. 'Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other' ironic that this would come to me so late.

42) Axions and Ganglia versus Ligaments and Sinews

Cultural Artifacts - Axions and Ganglia versus Ligaments and Sinews

Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 86

The day dawned bright and clear over the Crystal Republic. Luna and Celly had insisted everyone get their rest, Discord backed up that request in regards the staff. The assumption was the day would dawn and they would know how much time they had for the drills, and how much time before the enemy arrived. Exhausting themselves would help no one. Fragrance had arrived with the Inventor Corps' top members. The embassy staffs and chief legislators were here for the early breakfast meeting. Little if anything would be held back. There were grumblings that politics was a poor seasoning for breakfast, but most understood hours were precious and there was likely to be no rancor.

"The Constitution is as ready to fly as we can make her. And she's only got a couple of weeks left. The cloud spell they used was all brute force, and every pegasus in the force has told us that clouds don't work if they are constrained the way they are for the Constitution," Fragrance reported. Indicating points on a board that had every pegasus nodding, but most others just stared and smiled politely.

"So they could duplicate her with the salvaged engines?" the Big Guy asked.

"On a smaller scale, say 2/3'd the length, width, breadth, and thus 8/27th the mass, or about 30%. Not the leviathan the Constitution is, but still plenty big," Fragrance said and glanced at the diplomats, "And certain persons within the Inventor Corps are already forwarding their findings to their respective governments." She smiled at them, as some of them looked a tad guilty. "Exactly as we planned," she said, relieving some, confusing others, "Every nation will get the tech at the same time."

The Big Guy nodded. Fragrance sat down to get to her breakfast. Hotaru trotted to 'the stage', her wolf a bit closer than normal, and the she-wolf a bit more peeved with him.

"Molly B has 'ripened' a large force," Hotaru said, "And they will be ready to strike on 'The Day'. I doubt she'll get another harvest off before we deal with the other monster, and it's unlikely they'll be at acceptable strength before that time."

"Was your tampering detected?" Vladimir asked.

The she-wolf tried to be the very essence of innocence, then saw no one was buying it. "They'll suffer periodic combat paralysis, enough to make them easy meat for our fighters, and . . . they aren't too bright."

"I'd love to know how you did that," Fragrance said.

"Trade secret," Hotaru said and glared at her wolf friend, who did the innocent bit better than Hotaru did. She headed back to her breakfast, and Tom hovered into position. He projected a short film to accent his points.

"Evidently, our friend can get bored," Tom added, "It stopped throwing itself at the same spot, although it had thinned the distance by a quarter. It is now moving in both directions along the wall, throwing itself at the wall a few times, then moving farther. The first half will outflank the wall in a day and a half, and add about half a day to its travel time. If nothing changes, it will be on the field of battle in four days' time, early afternoon."

"A hearty breakfast for the condemned," Derpy said, "Which I hope will be it, not us."

"Equestria has trains ready to evacuate people: ponies and non, beyond the southern border," Glory said, and glanced at Sir Eagle Bell who sat beside her. The older unicorn nodded to urge her on. "All of Equestria's military and other assets are available should you need them."

"Short of their Highnesses blasting it with the sun, even the Diarchy lacks the resources we need," Vladimir said and nodded, "But the thought is appreciated."

"We will take advantage of the Equestrian trains to evacuate all our elderly and infirm. Some are too stubborn to go, and they will view our success or failure from close up," Will o' Wisp said, "As for their military, I don't think that there is anything more to do. But we do thank you."

Glory nodded.

Glorious Sunrise rose and took center stage. "We also have resources, scouts and warriors. While the Schmooze is beyond our ability, the machinations of Molybdenum Blossom are within our capabilities, and we offer all that we can spare to ward your city, and your warriors, from her treachery in the air," the grim, old griffon said, "I offer my personal services to assist your plans. I doubt there are many who have fought flying bandits as much as I have."

"Thank you," Will o' Wisp said, "How soon can they be here?"

The old griffon preened a wing nervously. "They'll be arriving in an hour," Glorious Sunrise said and shrugged, "A senile, old bird could get away with calling them early. But I thought you'd agree. Needs matters much."

Will o' Wisp shrugged. "I sometimes feel a bit of flotsam in a maelstrom. When I, we, have a firmer grasp of things, we may object more strongly to unasked for help arriving on our doorstep unannounced, but for this, with the fire at our threshold, every hoof and paw that can dig a fire break or carry a bucket of water is welcome."

"I suggest that any Equestrian 'volunteers' be seconded to the griffon corps and Glorious Sunrise," Discord said, "I'm all for chaos, but it isn't a suicide pact."

"Seconded," Will o' Wisp said, then looked around sheepishly, "Sorry, still getting used to this."

"Good to hear. The plant dragons who came over to us also wanted to help," Selene said as she took the stage, "So Dinky suggested 'D-Day stripes.'" They appeared over an image of the dragons. "Alternating black and white stripes on their wings, to differentiate them from Molly B's dragons. We have a team mixing up some nontoxic paint to make the stripes with."

Vladimir nodded as Selene left in favor of Holly Hock, who set up an easel with several charts on it.

"Food for the troops isn't a problem," Holly Hock said and indicated the potential sources for each recipient species, "Not with me here at least. While nominally in Equestria's service, I won't turn aside a hungry mouth, it's not in me to do so."

Will O' Wisp nodded.

"We few, we happy few," Discord said, "We band of brothers; for on that day they that sweats and strives with me shall be my brother. Be her species mine or not, the day shall render it moot. And doughty warriors safe at home, shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here, and hold their valor and vain-glorying cheap while any speaks that fought with us upon the fated day."

No one found it funny, and accepted Discord hadn't meant it to be.

"Four days," Celestia said as she paced the 'Sun Room', Woona, the Elements and their Bearers arrayed around her in her private office. "We haven't been asked, but they have not exactly turned away any offers of help."

"We can be up there, kick that thing's flank and be back for dinner!" Rainbow announced as she jumped in the air, she gestured to her Element, "Let's go get it."

"The Elements might not be the simple solution to this creature," Woona said, "And as for kicking its flank, imagine bucking every tree of Sweet Apple Acres, five times, in one day."

Even Rainbow blanched at that and settled to the ground. "We'll never know if we don't try," she offered, although without a lot of her former enthusiasm.

"That's a lot of bucking even fer you," Applejack said, "That would be a lot of apple-buckin' fer the whole Apple family."

"We will go," Celestia assured them, "And we will use the Elements, but at an opportune time. But that opportune time is not today, I just wanted to warn you all to be ready."

"Hmm, if we used my Party Cannon Mark 3, we can get there lickety-split," Pinkie said.

"How about we just fire something at the Schmooze?" Twilight said, then frowned, "Those librarians for a start."

"Easy Sugarcube, down girl," Applejack said.

Celestia paused, her hoof in her chin. "Oh, Pinkie Pie, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind stopping by those librarians to discuss planning a wake," Celestia said.

" 'A wake'? I've got some notes from another job, but why a wake?" Pinkie asked, "And why're they so popular all of a sudden?"

"They want to go back home," Celestia said, "I told them I would send them back."

"The ones we rescued from that inferno," Applejack said, "Why in tarnation would they wanna go back, ta git roasted."

"I don't think they thoroughly thought it through," Celestia said, "But one thing I have learned from Discord and the Big Guy is that sometimes, the worst thing you can do to a pony, is give them everything they say they want. When they stop wishing, then they start thinking."

"A wake will surely get them thinking," Pinkie said, then grinned evilly as she rubbed her hooves together, "So, lots of blackened veggies, and candles and well, so on."

"That sounds awfully mean," Fluttershy said.

Pinkie nodded. "It is, but sometimes the nicest thing you can give somepony, is a buck in the head."

"By George, I think she's got it!" Discord said and patted Rainbow on the head, then licked his hand. "Doesn't taste like much."

Celestia steeled herself for Discord's usual bannanange. Instead he turned to Twilight. "So, have you finished reading it?"

Twilight blushed and nodded. "It seems, oddly disjointed."

"Please don't do that," Fluttershy muttered, "Limbs aren't supposed to bend that way."

"Sorry, just trying to be illustrative, or illustrious," Discord said as he straightened his arms and legs, "Or both. Any part you want discussed in detail, at a grand sourie - "

"Soiree," Twilight said.

"We were discussing the Canterlot literary elite. Sourie is correct." He wrapped an arm around Pinkie's neck and described, "Imagine a wonderful party they can all snub and cast their grand sneers at, as I achieve literally brilliance among the masses. Like Wingstorm Chirphill, Bludyard Cripwing, and Fang the Insegrevious."

Pinkie 'bleched' and slipped out of his grasp.

"I've never heard of those," Twilight said.

"Oh course not, they don't publish in Equestria. You must really expand your literary horizons," Discord said as he got eye to eye with Twilight, "There's so many thoughts and scholars beyond ponydom."

He nearly had Twilight trembling with excitement again. Her grin matching his own.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot, they haven't published yet. Keeping your head in the future can make things so confusing some times," Discord said as he pulled back out of bite range. "Oh, I forgot," he said and hastily assembled a door frame, "I heard you might need this." He briefly opened the door to an inferno, then shut it just as quickly. "It's a prop, unless they really want to go through with it."

"That looked like the Golden Oaks Library!" Twilight exclaimed, "My home!"

"Alternate universe, but one library inferno is pretty much like any other," Discord said.

Twilight stared at him. "There's universes where my home burns down?! What about the rest of Ponyville?"

" 'Home', 'my'," Discord said to Celestia, "You've made progress with her." He turned to Twilight. "Yes, there are even universes where Applejack and I are happily married and Celestia is jealous. Many things are possible in the multiverse."

"Multiverse sounds gross," Applejack said.

"Oh dear, you disapprove." He waved a fan to cool the vapors, then turned to Applejack. "But was I telling the truth?" Discord asked and grinned.

Applejack closed her eyes. "Yes."

"See, some truth is not worth knowing," Discord said.

"Are you here for a reason?" Celestia asked, a bit more politely than she had in the past.

"Not a reason, no. A rhyme yes, but not a reason. Well, to deliver the door, to ask if you have any fancy mustard," Discord said, accepted the jar from Pinkie Pie. He unscrewed the lid. The fumes set his head on fire. He screwed the lid back on. "Needs to be 20% stronger," Discord said as the flames went out, "And I need a 55-gallon drum of it. Maybe several."

Rarity politely cleared her throat and pointed to the burning ember at the tip of Discord's horn. He extinguished it between two fingers.

"None of that rhymes," Rainbow said.

"Then I'm without reason or rhyme," Discord said. Everypony groaned.

Pinkie set the drum beside him.

Discord stared at it. "Well, someone's an overachiever," Discord said.

"Derpy delivered your request letter just after sunup," Pinkie said, "Had an idea about some hot sauce I brewed up once. It was even spicier than pure rainbow juice."

"What's in that stuff?" Rainbow asked as she tapped the drum, when it rumbled back, Applejack had a Rainbow shadow. Applejack glared at the pegasus.

"Rainbows, peppers, mustard, a few secret herbs and spices, and a punch of rocks that really hate to be squeezed," Pinkie said.

"You mean 'bunch'," Twilight said.

"No, punch," Pinkie said and did a little shadow boxing. Her shadow won by knockdown.

"You brought that on the train?" Applejack exclaimed.

"Naw," Pinkie said as her shadow helped her up, "I mixed it up in the kitchen here."

"What are you gonna do with that stuff?" Rainbow said as she circled the drum, careful not to touch it. "Feed it to the Schmooze to give it a tummy ache?" Rainbow glanced around. "Or the other problem with really spicy food?"

"Nope!" Pinkie said brightly, "We intend to give it an existential crisis."

"A what?" Rarity asked, "And how is this supposed to do that?"

Discord whispered to Rarity, but the subtitles in Equestrian and Saddle Arabian read, ' "Believe me," Discord said, "You taste this stuff, and all you can think about is 'why am I alive?'"'

Everypony took a step back from the drum.

"Are? You? Kidding me?" the Big Guy exclaimed.

Half the Inventor Corps took cover behind benches, pillars and tables in the Inventors' Hall. Flim and Flam stood before him, their knees knocking.

"It's the most obvious thing in the world!" the Big Guy said in a much more controlled tone. Blast gear was hastily donned and sandbags appeared in low revetments.

"Wee!" Selene shouted as she and Dinky zipped past.

"You guys could've made a fortune on this, and you flat out didn't think of it?" the Big Guy said as he pulled his 'wand' from its holster, sat down on the throw rug and levitated it into the air, "Every unicorn can move small objects, some aren't good with certain materials, but you just make sure all the carpets have a metal mesh in the normal weave, so those bad with cloth but good with metal aren't left out." He hovered over the ground, circling the pair like a tide-locked moon. "They'd sell like hot cakes, and you could even install seat belts."

"Seat belts?" Flam asked as he uncoiled from his brother. He was realizing they weren't going to die together, at least not today.

"Straps to keep ponies, passengers and cargo from falling off," the Big Guy said.

"This is fun!" Dinky said as she circled the Big Guy on her own carpet, "Now I can travel with momma and she doesn't have to carry me!"

"I think she likes carrying you, but you could get a big enough carpet and let her ride while you fly. You can trade off on long trips."

"Momma! Momma!" Dinky shouted as she zipped out of the room with Selene on her own carpet, in hot pursuit.

"I guess humans automatically think of riding - facilities," the Big Guy said, and patted Flim on the shoulder, "Either trained, unintelligent animals, or mechanical contrivances." He landed gently.

"That's covered unicorns," a large minotaur said as she stepped out from the cowering crowd, "What about Minotaurs and Diamond Dogs?"

"And Earth ponies?" Flim added hastily.

"Pinkamena Diana Pie of Ponyville already has that covered," the Big Guy said, "Now let's see about getting some of these made or converted to add unicorns to the mix, and whatever others are brave enough to serve as gunners, bombardiers and navigators."

The monks watched the ponies set down the section of track, and finish rolling the railcar up to the doors of the monastery.

The eldest monk went out to greet them. Wondering what else Celestia's sense of humor would reveal about their new guests. The abbot normally met newcomers, but he was busily unlocking the door marked 'In Case of Stupids'. With eighty-seven locks, three magic riddles and a simple, common-sense test, to prevent accidental/dumb luck entry, it might take a while.

Vladimir had no idea what the fuss was about, but the Changeling guards seemed to think it was funny, rather than terrifying, so Vladimir didn't order them to tell him. A small security force accompanied him, and they too were all smirking. That needed to be addressed. "Sergeant, you've been hanging around the Big Guy and Discord too much."

Slightly chagrined, the sergeant began taking whatever it was seriously as they entered the railroad marshaling yard where Equestrian trains were arriving, and a few, filled with the sick, wounded and displaced, were leaving for Equestria.

He couldn't really see what they were heading for, but the bits and pieces filled him with dread, for two reasons. First, it seemed a large group of large, rather burly ponies of all types, and second, he had a flicker of recognition that he couldn't quite come to grips with. When he spotted Marigold and Railroad Tie among the crowd, it all fell into place.

The enthusiastic hug from his niece twice-removed surprised him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Marigold told him as Railroad Tie patted him on the shoulder, the stallion's grin was infectious.

"So I take it that was one thing Celestia didn't reverse from my 'tantrum'," Vladimir said.

Marigold released him and shook her head. "Cadence wouldn't let her," she said, "And Sir Eagle Belle also 'banished' us to the far-reaches of Equestria. We were married on the train." She positively beamed at Railroad Tie.

"You had me fooled," Railroad Tie said to Vladimir and hugged Marigold.

"So you aren't here for revenge," Vladimir said, letting his relief show, then his curiosity, "Why are you here? It isn't exactly safe."

"To join up."

Vladimir wasn't sure which of several voices had said that. He shook his head. "One at a time, I am sure I'm hearing things."

"We want to join up," Railroad Tie said, he looked at the others, "We may be 'ruffians', but we know about moving things. If you don't win here, we'll be facing it in Equestria, at our doorstep. Better to fight it alongside you and face it together."

Vladimir glanced over his shoulder at the approaching griffon force. "I'm beginning to understand why Princess Celestia was afraid of him." He turned back to the group. "Let's go see Discord and Derpy."

"Who would have thought you'd say that?" Marigold said.

"We have changed," Vladimir said as he led over a hundred ponies to the practice grounds.

The Big Guy looked up, and saw Pinkie entering. "I'm glad you could make it." He slid the tic-tac-toe board over to her. "Just something I was curious about."

Pinkie grinned. "I'll let you know, I never lose."

"Then you won't mind giving me the first move?" he asked.

"Go ahead."

He took the center square. Pinkie took the top right corner. He put one in the top center. Pinkie put one bottom center. He put one in the bottom right corner. She answered with the top left corner. He added the left center. She put one in the bottom right and completed her diagonal.

"Told you," she said and grinned.

He smiled back, as he kept smiling, Pinkie's ears drooped.

"Oops," she said.

"Yeah, oops," he said, feeling not much satisfaction.

Pinkie looked around worriedly. "You aren't going to tell anypony - anybody, are you?" she asked and smiled hopefully.

"Can you do anything about the Schmooze?" he asked.

Pinkie sighed. "Yes."

"But you won't? Why not? Everybody, everything now hangs in the balance. My plan is the best plan, but there's still a chance it might not work," the Big Guy said, trying not to shout, "If you have a solution, you should be using it."

"You don't understand!" Pinkie shouted as she paced. She got control of herself and faced him. "The cure will be worse than the disease," she admitted. Her smile was still there, but she was struggling to keep it. "I can tell you that you and the others are on the right track. Despair will draw it into the killing ground you have planned. The Elements cannot affect it. You'd need continent-affecting powers. That means the Sun or Moon, or . . . what you are planning to do." She looked worried now. "Does that mean you're going to tell them?"

"No, but I will urge you to tell them. Tom's already figured it out. So has Selene. So the irony there is writ large. I got a big lecture on balance from the both of them. But balance doesn't forgive keeping secrets like that. Your friends are going to need to know the truth. And you are going to need to tell them." He held up a hand to silence her protest. "Not all at once, and maybe not all together. But you have to lay out all the pieces for them to put together. That way it isn't so much a 'how could you have lied to us', it is a 'how did we never make the connections'. People don't feel so bad when you are trying to make them think outside the box and they didn't, rather than being lied to."

"Yeah, I have sort of 'become the mask'," Pinkie admitted, "But, all my friends, all the ponies I know." She shyly scuffed a hoof on the floor while she looked down. "All the people I love. I can't give that up. You weren't here when I thought I lost them all."

"I can guess, from what I heard about Twilight's actions after Discord, or Fluttershy at the Gala, or Applejack trying to buck all of Sweet Apple Acres," he told her, "I was here for all that Celestia has been going through in regards to me, and facing Celly, Luna and Woona's actions. To say nothing of Discord's and Hotaru's change of heart and new methods. But I'll say again, you have to lay down a trail of breadcrumbs for them. You don't have to lead them to the truth, in fact it might serve you better if they each thought something different. Then they can sneak up on the idea together."

Pinkie nodded. She looked worried. "What about Maud? And my folks?"

"What about them? Maud seems content. I assume the rest of your family are living happy, healthy lives. They are people, real people, just like Applejack, Twilight, Celestia and Discord. Maud seems to be level-headed. She'll deal with what is, rather than angst about it." He sighed. "Besides, with Discord and Tom running around, you don't think I didn't go talk to her first did you?"

Cadence, Shining and Tom stood and watched the griffon force approach. The flying warriors looked at the circle of ponies, who marked out landing zone, with undisguised contempt. The leader was a tough, old bird.

"Girl," Tom said, "That means Cadence goes."

"I'm hardly a fearless leader," Cadence said.

"Being a hero isn't about not being afraid," Shining said, "It's about putting the fear aside and doing your job. Besides, you did fight in the battle of Canterlot. You're no ingenue."

Cadence nodded as the griffons began landing. Cadence approached and noted that the leader started when the ponies began stamping out a complicated rhythm. She felt herself falling into step.

The crowd snarled out a short, inarticulate bark, the griffons grew nervous, but the leader's gaze fixed on Cadence calmly marching towards her. The additional 'drumming' and shouts by the ponies were recognized for what they were, and the griffons began relaxing.

"The Boast is an honorable greeting among griffon war-leaders," Tom whispered to Armor.

"You are strong, but we are strong too," Armor whispered back, "I wish we'd do that in Equestria, it would make dealing with them easier."

"Too few ponies could carry it off," Tom said as Cadence approached the leader, "And song is a pony-motif, not a griffon practice."

"Using it seems to have intimidated them somewhat," Shining said as Cadence confronted the griffon who was as tall as she, and burlier.

The pink alicorn of love stared at the she-griffon. " 'Look in these eyes, these eyes don't lie. And they say if you don't blink, then you don't die.'"

"Def Leppard helps in that regard," Tom said.

The Royal Express Coach seemed awfully small when both rulers, five of the Bearers and Philomena were all packed in.

"Are you sure some vitamins wouldn't help?" Fluttershy asked as she stared as Philomena. The poor bird coughed and more of her feathers fell to the floor. Fluttershy cringed at the sight.

Celestia tried to sound sympathetic, and not troll the poor mare mercilessly. "It's a natural part of a phoenix's life-cycle. She'll soon complete her cycle and rise renewed," Celestia explained, grateful that Philomena's notorious sense of humor didn't cause her to give a death rattle at that point.

Celestia looked over at Twilight, who had her nose buried in several books, and Spike was making sure the stack of books Twilight had reviewed didn't grow too tall and fall over and hurt somepony.

It was Applejack staring pensively at Celestia and Woona that drew Celestia's attention. "Are you all right, Applejack?" Celestia asked as she carefully stepped over and among the ponies to keep her mane and tail from swatting somepony.

I know speed is important, but there has to be something between this and a regular railcar, she thought briefly.

"Oh, beg pardon fer starin', but I was thinkin' about something Applebloom said that made me particular uncomfortable," Applejack said as she fidgeted with her hat.

Celestia briefly wished she could tell Applejack to put it back on her head, but that would make the mare more uncomfortable, not less. "Would you like to share it?"

"Yes'm, ya see, Applebloom called me a 'great warrior'. Now Shining Armor might take it as a big compliment, but fer me . . . I can't get comfortable with that," Applejack said, "I just want ta be a good apple farmer."

Celestia nodded.

"But I was thinkin' about you and Woona, versus Celly and Luna. I think they'd be like Shining Armor, take that as a compliment, but you and Woona would be like me, kind of uncomfortable about it all. It's true, but you'd really rather it wasn't, or that nopony thought about you that way."

Celestia nodded. "A difficult problem," Celestia admitted, "And a good observation. Any conclusions yet?"

Applejack looked briefly crestfallen, but shook her head 'no'.

Pinkie pulled back into the cupboard and stifled a giggle as she watched Jackpot Venture and Smoky Bolt whispering furiously to each other. You both deserve it, she thought as she overheard the pair discussing snippets of the conversation she'd had with the Big Guy, while the pair of miscreants had been 'detained' in the outer office. She almost laughed as they fearfully made the incredibly obvious conclusions she and the Big Guy had hoped they'd jump to. And then wondered whether Derpy, or they, were the same as Maud and the rest of Pinkie's family, or if they were 'real' ponies.

Best prank ever, she thought happily, As if even he'd figure out the real truth.

Pinkie briefly considered the rumors that would spread. She shook her head. Naw, let them spread, I can explain the whole thing to Maud, she'll think it's funny, and she'll tell the others. Maybe dad will even smile at the joke. She turned around and happily trotted away.

Celestia was nearly at her wit's end as she entered Sombra's study with the Bearers and a hoofful of others. Then a whole new realm and level of outre evil appeared before her and the others, and she looked around in horror. The conversations died the instant they laid eyes on the place. No one dared whimper. The place seemed at once utterly alien, and utterly comprehensible. That was the really, horribly disturbing thing. It would be all too easy for any 'divine' ruler to fall into this madness. Or to be consumed by the trappings and your own worries, she thought as she looked at Discord and the Big Guy seemingly immune to what affected all the ponies who looked around as if besieged by biting flies they couldn't see, Or is it just a pony thing? To concentrate on what we think we are and what our problems are and force us to act on those problems with our inherent nature, unwilling to step outside ourselves.

She glanced at Philomena, who was looking around nervously as if affected by what afflicted the ponies. Celestia dreaded another friendly suggestion from Fluttershy about the phoenix's present condition. She really does look bad, but Fluttershy can't let go of the idea of 'curing' her. Then she looked at the terrified pegasus, whose wild-eyed fear had gone beyond running away shrieking to mute acceptance of whatever would happen. Okay, a question would be better than dull, brain-numbed terror, Celestia thought. She looked over the others, and saw even Twilight was subdued, no questions bubbled in her active mind. The miasma of the room and what it represented had beaten even her.

That the Crystal Ponies and the Equestrian ex-patriots stood within it with little obvious effect worried her. Have they already fallen to Sombra's spell, that this . . . this place has so little effect on them?

Her dread increased as the Big Guy approached the stand the phoenix was perching on.

"I wish to register a complaint," the Big Guy said as he looked over Philomena, "Hello, Miss?"

"What do you mean 'miss'?" Celestia asked as Discord and Tom approached.

"I'm sorry, I have a cold," the Big Guy said as he looked at Discord, "I wish to make a complaint about this phoenix and its incredibly obvious state."

Celestia cringed inwardly. We've never gotten along, but I really don't want to explain this here and now, not in this place, not again.

Discord looked at Philomena then at the Big Guy. "Oh yes, the Equestrian Phoenix. What's wrong with it?"

The Big Guy stared at Discord. "It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!"

Celestia ignored the gasp from the others, and briefly focused on Fluttershy's silent tears.

Discord shook his head. "No, no, she's just resting."

The Big Guy stared at Philomena who was standing stock still, eyes closed with her tongue hanging out. "Look, kiddo, I know a dead phoenix when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

Discord tried to lead him away. "No, no she's not dead. She's resting! Remarkable bird, the Equestrian Phoenix." Discord scooped up a pawful of Philomena's fallen feathers. "Beautiful plumage!"

The Big Guy stared from bird to feathers. "The plumage don't enter into it. It's still dead."

Discord blocked the Big Guy's approach to Philomena. "Nononono, she's resting!"

The Big Guy looked at Discord's rather desperate smile and smiled back. "All right then, if 'she's resting', I'll wake her up!"

Celestia hadn't heard such a noise in a long time.

"Hello, Dear Phoenix! I've got a lovely, fresh Molotov for you if you wake up Phoenix!"

Everypony jumped at that, even Philomena jerked at that noise.

"There," Discord announced happily, "She moved!"

"No, she didn't, that was you hitting the stand!" the Big Guy accused.

Discord's outraged innocence was no act this time. "I didn't!!"

This time he shouted right at Philomena. "HELLO PHOENIX!!!!! I've got a lovely kerosene salad if you wake up Phoenix! Phoenix!"

Philomena swung down and dangled upside down from her perch, eyes closed and tongue hanging out. There was a snort from Applejack and Pinkie Pie had a look of revelation rather than horror.

"Now that's what I call a dead phoenix," the Big Guy told Discord.

Discord looked very peeved in response. "She's stunned!"

"STUNNED?!?"

"Yeah!" Discord said getting nose-to-nose with the Big Guy, "You stunned her, just as she was wakin' up!" Discord leaned back with a dismissive air. "Equestrian Phoenixes stun easily."

"Now look here, you, I've definitely had enough of this." The Big Guy pointed at Philomena. "That phoenix is definitely deceased, and when you warned me about this, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."

"Well, I couldn't tell you the real reason," Discord said, "You would have laughed at me."

" 'Real reason'?" the Big Guy asked, in worryingly calm tones.

"Yeah, she's . . . " Discord scratched the back of his head. "She's, ah . . . probably pining for the fjords. Silly isn't it?" He grinned, and looked at the Big Guy's absolutely neutral expression.

The Big Guy's tone was so quiet, it was hard to hear, " 'Pining for the fjords'?"

He became very audible next, "WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT?!?!?!?"

Discord backed away, hands raised as if to surrender, the Big Guy advanced. "Why did she fall flat on her back the moment she arrived?"

"The Equestrian Phoenix prefers kipping on it's back!" Discord said soothingly, "Remarkable bird, isn't she? Beautiful plumage!"

"Look, I took the liberty of examining that phoenix a moment ago, and I discovered that the only reason that she had been sitting on her perch in the first place, was that she had been NAILED there."

Philomena glanced at her feet and nodded vigorously. When Twilight snorted while covering her muzzle, the oppressive clouds parted for Celestia. She suddenly realized this was a skit. They're doing it to relieve us! she thought as her horror ebbed and the desire to laugh grew.

"Well, of course she was nailed there!" Discord explained, "If they hadn't nailed that bird to the perch, she would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with her little pecker, and VOOM!" He indicated the phoenix sailing into the sky.

" 'VOOM'?!? That bird wouldn't 'voom' if you strapped a rocket to it! She's bleedin' demised!"

"No, no! She's pining!"

"She's not pinin'! She's passed on! This phoenix is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed her to the perch, she'd be pushing up the daisies!"

Philomena kept nodding, until the Big Guy glanced in her direction, then she instantly resumed being 'dead'.

"Her metabolic processes are now history! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!!"

When he extended a pointed finger towards the phoenix, Philomena latched onto his finger and hung upside down from it.

The Big Guy held the dangling bird in front of Discord's face. It was clear now Philomena was struggling to contain her laughter, trying to hide her head under her featherless wing. "THIS! IS! AN! EX! PHOENIX!!"

That was it for Philomena, she, unlike the others who were ready to burst out laughing, burst into flames and her ashes showered to the ground. Both the Big Guy, whose arm was still covered with phoenix fire without ill-effect, and Discord stared at the pile of ashes. As did everypony in the room.

"Well, I'd better replace it, then," Discord said.

Derpy pulled out of the dive and watched the package sail straight into the target. She smirked briefly as the griffons hovering over the target range stared at the accuracy of the drop. "That's how it's done," she told the smirking collection of griffons. The changelings snickered at the griffons. Derpy's accuracy was approaching the legendary among both groups.

"It certainly is," Derpy heard from almost behind her.

She spun around and tried to yank her hat from her head, before she remembered she wasn't wearing one. "Postmaster Right Wing!" she stammered, nearly falling over in surprise at seeing the leader of the entire Equestrian Postal Service, as well as dozens of the instructors and 'special agents' who investigated mail fraud and theft of mail. Rough and ready ponies all.

"At ease," Right Wing said, "We aren't in Equestria, and as I understand it, you are the Head Postmaster here."

"No, sir, I'd never, that is -" she stammered as she settled nervously to the ground.

The 'Empress' of the changelings reached over and firmly closed Derpy's mouth. "You don't have to defend yourself, and he is right, you've extended the postal service here." The old changeling looked Derpy in both eyes, and Derpy felt calmer. "I think he and the others are more interested in the special deliveries you've been teaching the griffons to make."

"Oh." Derpy perked up. "These are just weighted containers, the real stuff is being brewed over there." She gestured to an area in the distance surrounded by what looked like a grounded thunderstorm, except the occasional bolt shot skyward, and the thunder preceded the lightning. "The key thing is mass, accurate delivery. The griffons have the synchronized mass part down, but the accuracy, well, it isn't up to our standards."

"That's putting it mildly. She could drop that through a thunderstorm and still hit a pickle barrel," one of the griffons said.

"A lot of that is experience, but training helps a lot," Right Wing replied, "That's what we're here to help with." Right Wing saluted. "By your leave, Postmaster."

Derpy tried to answer three times, before she gave up and just nodded.

Dinky hovering over the Big Guy on a carpet, roasting marshmallows on the phoenix fire still dancing on his head, had been enough for the more 'serious' as well as the more laughter-prone to have to run from the room, formerly 'Sombra's office'. Philomena, restored and healthy, had fallen off her perch in rib-splitting laughter twice, and looked on the verge of doing it again. Celestia glanced about the room before thinking, The moment of insanity among Philomena, Discord and the Big Guy has broken the terror of Sombra's office.

She looked around, and found she couldn't keep from smiling within this horrible place as she thought, Now and forever it will be known as the place they did the phoenix bit. She looked at Twilight and Rarity hovering over the sand table on their own carpets, and Rainbow's rather mulish expression in regards 'flying unicorns'. Another blow against Sombra's shadow, she thought and smiled.

The map and battle plan laid out now looked like a mighty practical joke, rather than the act of desperation Celestia would have regarded it as a few hours ago. But it is militarily sound as well, Celestia thought as she looked it over, But I also understand the hidden purpose as well.

"I wish I could convince you to take Molybdenum Blossom's base now, and then deal with the Schmooze when it arrives," Twilight said as she moved over the critical locations.

"No, the plan requires a balance of forces and actions," Shining Armor said, "While it seems counterintuitive, the creature does have enough sentience to have a morale. We can't destroy it, but we can force its retreat. If it retreats of its own accord, because of a morale question, it'll stay in a retreat mode for far longer."

Twilight and the others accepted this.

"My question is: what are you going to do with the massive forces that you've assembled?" the griffon general asked, "It would seem nothing would be beyond you."

"If we drive back the Schmooze, all this land will become available, and it was all part of the Crystal Empire," Vladimir said, "If we have territorial ambitions, those are obvious and open to us, without conflict with our neighbors. Administration of them and their resettlement will preclude having the resources, or the need, to direct our attention elsewhere."

Celestia was amazed at how much Blue . . . Vladimir had changed. Instead of a whining denial or protest of his innocence, he acknowledges the concern and points out the logical relief valve to the impulse. She regretted her assumption that his clumsy attempts at friendship in his youth were his mother's typical ham-handedness, instead of a child's honest albeit ingenuous attempt. The best I can hope for is to be tolerated. Otherwise, anything I do is part of the 'Great Game' between me and his mother.

"There is some disbelief that the Crystals will stand against this foe. Unlike the Equestrians, the griffons have a history about the Schmooze," Glorious Sunrise said, "The griffons have to screw up their courage and are able to function, while ponies tend to freeze."

"Not all of them," the Big Guy said, "The ponies need to really believe in what they are doing, and care about the people around them. As Derpy said, as long as you know you're loved, the Schmooze doesn't matter."

"While they were impressed by Cadence, we'll still need something to convince them the once-Equestrians are fierce," Glorious Sunrise said.

"I'll do something tomorrow," the Big Guy said, "I've got something that would be perfect."

At his expression, and the griffon's retreat, Celestia laughed again.

Fluttershy had left the group, and was walking through the corridors of the castle. She knew the guards, as well as the 'civilians who happened to be around her' were all changelings. They are friends now, she thought as she trotted up to look out over the city from a balcony high up in the tower. She remembered her charge across the fields with the army. The poor Crystal Ponies who'd watched them with such trepidation, now she saw them walking, selling, and generally being ponies. But no foals, no fillies or colts, she thought, Is it just taking this long, or can't they have any?

She put her chin on the railing and just watched, as she often just watched her animals. Trying to see the simple patterns of their lives. A few days is too little time to birth a new generation, but they might have had them in hiding. No, they would have brought them out by now, to proudly show them, or get them safely south to Equestrian. Her mood dropped a bit. There aren't any, she thought as she watched.

Why does that make me so sad? she considered herself, and her friends, Maybe because that's our fate. Cadence found a soul-mate, but only before she became a princess. As long as we are the Bearers, our lives, our families and our own dreams and hopes are secondary. Is that why I instantly liked the Big Guy, because as long as he was around, I'd have less chance to be called away to act as a Bearer?

I love my friends, and I understand why we have to go on all these scary adventures. But when will we be free of them? Twilight was Celestia's student. But the rest of us have, had, hopes and dreams of our own, lives we now treat as a necessary sacrifice. Did Celestia know, is that why she gave up the Elements? At the moment she used them against Nightmare, did they reject her, or did she reject them? Does she even know? Or are we to be 'The Bearers' until we set down all our responsibilities in this life? If that's true, it's cruel. She watched the Crystal Ponies go about their lives, and thought.

"That's horrible!" Celestia said, her outrage more pro forma than felt, she wasn't alone with struggling not to laugh or smile.

"Derpy's working on mass delivery, and we already have several hundred gallons ready to go," the Big Guy said.

"Not premixed I hope!" Pinkie said with alarm. The idea of Pinkie being afraid of something was more frightening than even the idea of the Schmooze.

"Good Lord no," Discord said, "The ginger and ground rainbows go in the day of, preflight." Then he turned to a certain blue pegasus.

"Nowhere near spicy enough," Hotaru said dismissively.

Rainbow face hoofed at the joke.

"I know it's risky," Vladimir said, "But it's all set up. The real blow will come down other avenues."

"We've got the Elements," Rainbow said as she orbited above the former Blueblood, "Why don't we just use them now?"

"Be my guest," Vladimir said, "If you can overcome the paralysis, and stay true enough to your element, then go ahead. Just consider you are talking about something the size of a small country. The Elements are effective against point targets, who happened to be inharmonious. You didn't use them on the dragon you challenged. Because they wouldn't have worked there either."

"I still say we should try!" Rainbow said.

"It isn't me, or any Crystal Pony you need permission from, you already have it," Vladimir said, "It's your friends and rulers."

Celestia felt every eye on her again. She shook her head. "The Schmooze is not unharmonic enough for the Elements to have a bite. It has to be more awake . . . " She trailed off. "That's what you're doing! Waking it up, to put it back."

"Precisely," Discord said, "While I and the other statues were and are aware, at differing levels, the Schmooze is acting on reflex from its last conscious thought. And even when it was awake, it wasn't evil, any more than one animal eating another is evil. It's just so big, it doesn't notice anything smaller than Celly after a cake-feast."

Applejack ignored Celestia and Celly's grimaces. "So y'all are converting it from Rainbow Dash ta Fluttershy?"

Discord materialized a mortarboard and placed it on Applejack's head, moving the tassel to indicate a doctoral graduate. "Very well put, better than anyone else," Discord said and grinned at the Big Guy. Applejack blushed at the praise, and approval of her friends, and former foes.

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Rainbow insisted.

"I've talked with Tank," Discord said.

The Equestrians looked uncomfortable.

Twilight glanced around. "Where's Spike?"

"Charming the mane off a young lady who really could use the company," Rarity said and sighed, "It seems I've lost the second place in his heart."

Twilight's expression twisted to deeply thought out confusion. "Who has first?" Twilight asked.

The she wolf looked at the Big Guy. "You want to explain philios, eros and agape, again?" Hotaru asked him.

Day 87

"No rest for the wicked," Tom said as the group assembled for breakfast, "It's advancing on schedule, the dragons are rounding up a force to send, but they won't be here until two days after we need them. Celestia and her group arrived home safely." Tom glanced at Discord's empty place. "I think someone is having breakfast at the palace."

"Good for him," Cadence said.

"I think we should pull you," Tom said and looked at Luna, "And you, from the battle-lines, and move Celly from the command post."

"Why?" Cadence asked, "I've proved myself."

"Let us just say you're more valuable as a mother than a warrior."

Cadence touched her belly, her eyes wide. Luna was similarly thunderstruck.

"Oh boy!" Dinky announced, "Selene's gonna be a cousin and a sister!"

The shoe dropped for everypony else and the breakfast was set aside for the congratulations to the pair, and to Shining Armor and the Big Guy.

"Proof that life goes on," Vladimir said as he resumed his seat, "At this rate, Celestia is going to have to raise Twilight to an alicorn just to keep up."

Everyone had a good laugh about that.

A pair of slightly singed and still smoldering unicorns arrived. Flim and Flam waved off the concerns. "Pinkie's Brew is not usable in cannons," Flim said.

"As powder, or projectile," Flam added.

"I didn't see a cloud," the Big Guy said, "What happened?"

"The cannon sort of dissolved," Flim said.

"The projectile sort of sprung a leak, and where it burned . . . " He gestured vaguely skyward. "Maybe it hit the moon," Flam said.

"Well you can still raise and lower a puddle of goo, can't you?" Hotaru asked Luna.

"Sound like a 'Chief Redcloud'," the Big Guy said, then explained, "Red fuming nitric acid, an early propellant, would appear as a dark, red cloud if it leaked out of a tank or line. The joke was, 'Chief Redcloud is sending smoke signals.'"

"What was the message?" Celly asked.

"Run!" the Big Guy and Derpy said together.

Cadence watched the Big Guy pacing in front of the griffon force. Despite Glorious Sunrise's assertion that the Crystals and their allies were warriors, the griffons still weren't convinced.

"Deja vu," Luna said as she sat beside Cadence, that the griffons instantly accepted that she was warlike was a tad unsettling for both of them, and Celestia.

" 'Now I want you to remember, that no bastard ever won a war, by dying for his country,'" the Big Guy announced. The griffons' wings rustled as they revved up to disagree with that, perhaps loudly. " 'He won it, by making the other, poor, dumb bastard die for his country." Now the griffons began glancing at each other.

"They wanted warlike," Luna said as the griffons grew uneasy, "Be careful what you wish for." Luna started at the gentle rub of her belly.

"Speaking from personal experience?" Cadence asked. Luna nuzzled the other expectant mother.

"Yes, I wanted foals, another difference between the Pony Sisters, Celestia denied herself, but I was not willing to," Luna said, and her own hoof touched her belly, "Selene has been enlightening, but I still want a brood of my own. My personality and history seemed to preclude that."

"Until now," Cadence said.

"Until now," Luna agreed.

" 'We're going to hold on to him by the nose, and we're gonna kick him in the ass,'" the Big Guy said, " 'We're gonna kick the Hell out of him all the time! And we're gonna go through him, like crap through a goose!'"

"Somep - some griffons are getting a lot more than they bargained for," Luna said as the griffons glanced at each other nervously.

"Maybe," Cadence said, "I just wish I knew where I'd heard this before."

"Shining Armor, some old, griffon warlord, or you're imagining it," Luna said.

Cadence nodded and stared.

The iridescent goo was carefully loaded into drums and would be added to the Schmooze later, as a dessert. A short distance away on the firing range Vladimir and Cadence stood ready to intervene, in case this was the origin of the Schmooze and they now had two of them to deal with. "Why does that stuff remind me of dear Sunset?" Vladimir asked Cadence.

The alicorn laughed. "Bright, active, and very volatile?" Then Cadence frowned. "I think she was good for Celestia, a tad ruthless, but Celestia needed a bit of ruthlessness. But poor Sunset needed more impulse control."

Vladimir nodded. "You don't believe the rumors, that Celestia had her 'disappeared'?"

"Everyone she's disappeared is in the statue garden, or in a crypt in the caves, and there aren't that many," Cadence replied.

Vladimir nodded. "I was just thinking of the other legend, that she went to another world."

"Wondering if Celestia had that available, why she didn't offer it to the Big Guy?" Cadence asked.

"Yes, so that's why I think it's just a legend," Vladimir said, "Otherwise, somepony would have mentioned it. Just to get rid of him, if for no other reason."

Cadence nodded, then stared at herself.

"Worried about motherhood?" Vladimir said, "That's better than worrying about our immediate future."

"That, and wondering . . . you chased after anything, but not me. Why?" Cadence asked.

"Part of my act was that I was clueless and oblivious, remember?" Vladimir said, "I couldn't possibly have noticed that Shining Armor was very obviously interested, and seemed a decent sort. So I was apparently disinterested. On a practical note, you also could never have played the game I had to. Trixie is the first who could keep up the act, Fragrance is one of the few who is quick witted enough to keep up with me, and you . . . were too nice."

Cadence frowned at that. "And that Celestia would have wrung your neck if you made me cry," Cadence said.

Vladimir nodded. "Considering my mother can make Celestia want to cry . . . . You are also older than me. It doesn't matter much now, but when I was a colt, you seemed as ancient as Celestia."

"I was still a filly," Cadence said in aggrieved tones.

"With a cutie mark, and nearly twice my height, that's close enough to being an adult as a foal needs. While all the adults loved or were jealous of you, to me and my age group, you were intimidating."

"So you didn't pick on Twilight because her brother and foal sitter intimidated you?" Cadence asked and chuckled at Vladimir's sardonic expression.

"I didn't pick on Celestia's Protege because I knew the road she was on, and I pitied her. I also was aware of the path Celestia and my mother had for me, and Twilight Sparkle was the only one who treated me as she did every other pony." He shrugged. "As a piece of mobile furniture distracting her from her studies with Celestia, but in an odd fashion, being treated as 'normal' by her was endearing in a way."

Cadence stared at him long and hard. He withstood it, while most would be shying uncomfortably. "You were why she never got bullied?"

"I was why the bullying never got noticed. Rearranging her pencil drawer was always good for a laugh, but short of damaging her books or messing up her experiments in lab class, she'd never notice." Vladimir put a hoof to his chin. "Although a few, well-placed smoke bombs did convince others she'd take revenge in seemingly impossible ways. Her being a prodigy, and me seeming an idiot had its advantages. And before you attribute any white-knighting to me, I did it to keep Celestia at bay, not to claim the moral high ground for myself. If anything had happened, I knew who would be instantly suspected, and guilty or not, who would be punished. For doing it, or failing to prevent it from happening." He tapped his chest. "Another lesson in friendship from her Highness, that those with powerful friends are above being annoyed, and that enlightened self-interest is an excellent motivator."

"She doesn't hate you, you know," Cadence said as she drew close to him.

"But I hate her," Vladimir said, "Enough to want to escape the cloying 'protection', and the need to be her jester. You were luckily on the periphery. Other than the Crystal Empire, you weren't one of her 'projects'. I could take over from Sir Eagle Bell tomorrow, with no change in government. I know the people, I know the laws, and the reasons behind them. But she'd never let me be even a clerk. Because despite the monumental incompetence of many around her and throughout the bureaucracy, I'm the only idiot she sees."

"Because you made yourself that way," Cadence reminded him.

"Because being a disappointment was infinitely better than being a project," Vladimir said, "There's a corrosive factor about being around her, wanting her happy, and wanting her loving you. I could never make her indifferent, so I settled on what I could manage. Being exiled was exactly what I wanted, and after fifteen years of patient, careful scheming, I finally got it. I tricked Celestia into giving it to me. She could withdraw it at any time, but I'd still never have to go back."

Cadence frowned. "It seems a sad life," Cadence said.

Vladimir shrugged. "It was, but not for the reasons you think. You were allowed to earn your keep. Everything was thrust upon me, whether I wanted it or not, and I was expected to be absurdly grateful over things I neither earned nor wanted. Every day was like Hearths-Warming Day, and you'd get ugly, itchy sweaters, and all those 'don't you love it' faces. Asking for a hat next time was an affront to all and sundry. Earning the money to go and buy that hat you wanted and above all needed, oh the horror. Maybe I should have donned a cape and stalked the dark as a night terror."

"Except you're a physical coward," Cadence pointed out, "So getting into a fight would have put paid to you."

He nodded. "There is that," Vladimir admitted, "But if I really was as brave as I am making myself out to be, what I should have done was get my diploma and disappear." He made a 'poof' gesture. "Then join the Griffon Foreign Legion as an apothecary. They are well respected, and even the bandits tend to avoid targeting them. I'm a very good apothecary, and wounds not my own are a call to action rather than a source of revulsion. After a few years, I could have come back to Equestria, and set up shop somewhere outside the major cities and just lived my life."

Cadence shook her head. "So why come here? They're one step away from just proclaiming you king and washing their hooves of this whole parliament business."

"Because I'd rather be the father of democracy, than Vladimir the Third," he replied, "I'm enough of an egotist that I like being part of something no one has ever done before. And as for their political maneuverings, I was trained by the best. I can give them a bit of hope I might take the crown, or you will, just long enough to get them over the hump. We've got the training wheels off, and all we need now is a gentle touch to convince them they can ride without us. Don't forget, I'm a physical coward, but no one in eight centuries has withstood as many and as fierce of Celestia's rages. And her methods have probably improved over the decades. I am brave enough to be the political leader they need, and stand against whatever foolish traditionalism they try to thrust back on us. Good things stay, bad things go."

"True. Some of the utterly ridiculous royal customs . . . have you seen the mane-style you have to wear to receive visitors?" Cadence asked, and both of them cringed.

"I can almost see you in it, but I'd shave myself bald to avoid that particular look."

The pair laughed at that vision.

Derpy frowned as the plant-dragon dropped four practice bombs in four separate targets. "Now you're just showing off."

The other plant-dragon nuzzled her. "We had a good teacher," she told the pegasus.

Derpy smiled at that, and watched the other postal officers dropping a synchronized impact: fifty ponies hitting fifty targets landing within seconds of each other. The griffons were, of course, standing or hovering with their beaks hanging open. As good as their synchronization had gotten, it was a pale shadow of that precision.

Derpy didn't tell them that the real targets were three times the diameter of the practice barrels. You practice harder than reality, so what comes up in reality doesn't overcome you, she remembered the chief instructor telling her. She then understood why the training was so incredibly hard, yet normal mail delivery was so easy. She turned to the griffons. "We still have more time to train. We'll get you this good, then we'll fight the enemy."

The griffons, professional, experienced soldiers all, stared at the grinning mare with disbelief.

The former soldiers, victims of bandits, and train car pushers approached the head abbot as the monks around them meditated. "Look you said we had to learn patience, how long is that going to take?"

"Long enough to learn that time is not as important as enlightenment, and that whatever goals you have outside these walls will be better achieved, or willingly set aside, once you have obtained it. As for time, a month, perhaps a year," the abbot explained patiently.

"A year! Isn't there a way to learn it faster?" the former officer asked, and looked to his fellow 'prisoner-acolytes'.

"There is a way, one Celestia would never approve," the abbot said, "And one rarely used."

"Let's have it then!" the pony said.

The abbot sighed, and ignored the stifled sniggering of many of the more senior monks. The junior monks looked on with interest, it had been quite some time since the Abbot had to give this lesson. "Approach me that you might see."

The former-officer smiled. "Finally some progress." He approached the abbot.

Derpy walked the halls of the tower, head down, exhausted beyond any measure. She simply managed to put one hoof in front of another without tripping or counting the steps before she could rest. All she wanted was a hot bath and sleep. The sudden, firm rubbing of her wing roots and back had her wing wearily 'poof' and her feel like melting all at once. She turned to watch the Big Guy giving her a massage, and froze as she saw Celly and Luna working on her instead. She suddenly wasn't tired anymore.

"Shh, don't tell anyone," Celly whispered as she carefully worked Derpy's aching muscles.

"We used to be pretty good at this, long ago," Luna added, "I see we haven't lost the touch."

Derpy only nodded. She tried to simply relax and let them work, but who they were worked against that. Stop it, she told herself, They're here as your herd-mates, not your sovereigns. She relaxed a bit, but it remained an uphill struggle to give in and relax completely, but neither Celly nor Luna complained as they worked on her.

The abbot looked down at the four, battered heaps lying against the back wall, their gentle moaning disturbing him not a whit. "Few are so privileged to learn so much forbidden mystery so soon," the abbot said, "Should the next lesson begin immediately, or are you content not to tip the vessel of knowledge?"

"I think we need to consider the need for another lesson, for a proper period of meditation." The heap groaned in agreement. "In the meantime, can we just lie here a while?"

"You learn patience, and manners, with time will come wisdom," the abbot said, and heard the faint groans, "Join our meditations on this, from where you are." The groans switched off, and the abbot didn't hear any of the carping and blame-throwing he'd heard among the group previously, proving they were becoming wiser.

One of the elder monks nodded. "Why must we always fall back to this lesson?" he sighed.

"First, you have to get their attention," the abbot explained.

Day 88

The puddle formerly known as Derpy rose with the sun, feeling refreshed and relaxed. She'd slept solo, and was rather glad. She loved her herd-mates, but sometimes, all the other bodies jostled her sleep, or she jostled theirs. An undisturbed night was what she really needed. The others seem to have agreed as they weren't all pressed into a 'pony-pile', but spread out across the floor with small gaps. More like a sleepover than our usual, she thought, then noted the two exceptions: Selene snuggled against her mother, and Dinky covering the Big Guy's feet. She smiled at that. I wish the world outside would just leave us alone for the day, she thought, then shook her head, No weekends, no vacations. Not a life I want to live.

She fluttered over them, and once outside and down the corridor, she headed off to see what was ready for breakfast.

Vladimir and Fragrance had a 'vacation' of sorts: they were cooking breakfast together.

"Good morning," she said far enough away not to scare them or seem to. She'd learned that from her jumpier herd mates.

"Morning. We gave the crew the day off. Tomorrow and the next day will be busy enough," Vladimir said, "Besides, the griffons are mostly on sick call. You really wore them out."

"Train harder than you work," Derpy said.

Vladimir nodded, "Green Grass and your teachers must have learned at the same school."

Derpy chuckled at that. "They just told me," she said and selected a large amount of oatmeal.

"So delivery practice is going well. The lightning practice went well," Fragrance said, "The evacuations have been running all night. We're as ready as we can be." She looked around with concern. "Why do I keep thinking we're missing something?"

"Because you're so used to being outfoxed by your ma, that you can't imagine people would have everything covered," Derpy said between bites, "But keep looking, even Celly, the Big Guy and Tom can't cover everything."

"Oh, thank you very much!" Hotaru said as she entered, grimaced at the wolf trailing her, who seemed to be grinning.

A grin Derpy recognized. "He didn't!"

"Silence!" Hotaru hissed right in Derpy's face, "Or you'll find out the nightmares Luna, Tom and I have been befuddling that one's dame with."

Derpy made a 'zip the lip' gesture and nodded.

"But they are going to figure it out," Vladimir said, and shied as Hotaru glared at him, "It's the truth."

Hotaru sighed. "It is bad enough that stupid bag of bones and fur knows. I could not accept the coddling that awaits Cadence. I am still Nightmare Moon!"

"Soon to be Nightmare Mom," Fragrance said, "Don't worry. If they couldn't figure out Cadence and Luna, we won't give you away. Other than arrange a very discreet vet."

Hotaru prepared to growl, but then realized they were serious. "I think I should adjust my plans for 'The Day'."

"The Constitution has a lot of hiding places," Derpy said, "And you are welcome." She kissed Hotaru's head and scratched her behind the ears.

The sullen look from the former Nightmare Moon stifled any further levity at her expense.

"She's what?!" Pinkie exclaimed as Tom looked over her plans for the biggest, royalest baby shower in Equestrian History!

"Make it a three-way shower," Tom told her as Pinkie began refiguring the guest list and the decorations. Such a party took far more meticulous planning that most people recognized.

"And, I have it on . . . moderately good authority, that a fourth may also be in the offing," Tom said, "And it isn't Fragrance."

"I've already got Lyra and Bonbon's planned out," Pinkie said, and then her eyes got REALLY big, "No."

"Chaos finds a way. I'll admit, after the battle with Nightmare, Discord, and others -" Tom looked not at Pinkie. "Twilight may be confused by her condition."

Pinkie giggled. "You're awful. You know what the comment section is going to look like after the ones who don't read close enough take you at your word."

"Like what you did earlier this chapter?" Tom asked, "Pot, kettle."

"Touche," Pinkie admitted. Then grew serious. "I've got the makings for a Party Cannon Mark 30. I just need a small moon."

"I'll see what can be arranged," Tom said, "I think you mean bigger than me."

"Yeah, sorry," Pinkie said.

"Not a problem," Tom replied and returned to the Crystal Republic.

Pinkie glanced around then looked down, read, and began laughing.

The dull worry of the earlier days was lifted from Celestia's mind. The head of the librarians had deigned to wait in line for the Open Court and was virtually trembling as she approached the nobles who were filtering the complaints.

"Let her through," Celestia said, "This might be beyond your authority."

The mare stepped through the cordon and approached. Discord appeared, with the door frame, and opened it enough that the inferno beyond was clearly visible.

"Ready when you are," Discord said, and nodded eagerly to Celestia, who was a picture of radiant tranquility.

"You would speak with me?" Celestia asked, as aloof as the librarians had been haughty. Aside from food deliveries, and Pinkie arranging the wake, they had been ignored by staff and others of Equestria.

It seems to have had the desired effect, Celestia thought as Discord waited with barely restrained eagerness, Which is an act, he is no more eager to murder them than I am. But he can be the deranged monster and I the saint.

"There have been some harsh words exchanged," the librarian said.

More from than to, but essentially true, Celestia thought as she regarded the mare from the distant past.

"I believe that a time of acclimatization would be in order," the mare said, "So we might better understand the very alien cultural and societal norms of the place we have found ourselves in."

Celestia let her silence drag on as she considered. "Very well. A season or two is not unreasonable, my patience is not terribly limited. It should provide you time to get used to this new world."

"But -!" Discord protested and made a tossing gesture at the door.

"There is a band of monks who have an interesting way to teach patience," Celestia said, "Perhaps . . . "

"NO, I already learned that lesson!" Discord said as he folded the door frame into a suitcase and stomped off.

Celestia noted the librarian had taken advantage of the break in attention to flee the room. Celestia looked at ponies who were staring at her in a mix of admiration and horror. "Just letting Discord be himself, in the service of Equestria."

The ponies diligently returned to whatever they were working on, to better not think about whatever Celestia had meant by that comment.

Celestia presided over the court in her usual serene manner, asking an occasional pointed question about the solutions brought to her, but all in all, the nobles were doing an excellent job.

Trixie watched the movie again, and glanced over at Vladimir. "You think you can remember all the lines?"

Vladimir nodded. "But we need a third," he said.

"Oh, we have one, someone who needs the practice," Trixie said, "And a few changelings for the other parts." She nudged him. "Afraid being a thespian will reduce your stature in the eyes of the locals?"

"Not really," Vladimir said, "As for Celestia, I doubt I could be any lower in her eyes. No, it's that . . . it seems a bit autobiographical, scarily so."

"For you," Trixie said, "I am playing a role, nothing more."

"Yes, but I suspect there are elements of the role, and your life that correspond enough to give a truly inspired performance," Vladimir said, "It will also inspire the others, as we march forward on this impossible quest."

" 'The earth is full of anger, the seas are dark with wrath,'" Trixie said, " 'The Nations in their harness go up against our path:'"

" 'For those who kneel beside us at altars not Thine own, who lack the lights that guide us, Lord, let their faith atone!'" Vladimir replied, " 'If wrong we did to call them, by honour bound they came; let not Thy Wrath befall them, but deal to us the blame.'"

" 'E'en now their vanguard gathers, e'en now we face the fray - as Thou didst help our fathers, help Thou our host to-day,'" the pair turned as Luna continued the quote, " 'Fulfilled of signs and wonders, in life, in death made clear - Jehovah of the Thunders, Lord God of Battles, hear!'" She looked at the pair. "Even the 'goddess Luna' needs someone to pray to on such a day. And Kipling is as good a source as any."

The Big Guy wasn't sure what was wrong, but he felt uneasy. He'd checked everything, and didn't want to do it again, as it would imply that he didn't trust his partners. All the plans were not only ahead of schedule, but those that could be were already complete. There was more training, but that was in others' hands, hooves, claws, whatever.

It's not that I think we missed anything, he thought as he paced the Tower's many corridors, It's just that everything is going so well. That's usually when you get a kick in the head that you'd missed something. He briefly considered quadruple checking on the progress, but forcefully squelched that idea. No, don't be such a worry-wart, he told himself, Everyone is doing fine. He looked around. But I'd give half that dragon horde to know what Molly B is doing right now, he thought Plotting something no doubt.

Another of the myriad plant-clones of Tear Twirler watched the figure of her master cast about in terror.

"I know they are here!" she shouted, "Weed whackers, hiding!"

"How can a plant have a nightmare?" Tear Twirler asked herself as she watched the invincible Molybdenum Blossom look under stones too small to hide a rabbit, for whatever these 'weed-whackers' were.

"I just wish I knew what those idiots were planning," Tear Twirler lamented and then considered mixing up a relaxant and drugging her master senseless for a few hours of rest.

Day 89

"Another day older and deeper in debt," the Big Guy commented on the sunrise. Not one of Celestia's best, he thought, Heck, when I was Celestia I did better than that.

"What nefarious schemes are you plotting?" Luna asked as she approached.

"Wondering what your sister is going to bite off of me when she finds out and that we're not married," he joked. The specter of a royal wedding remained one of the few things that sent Luna into paroxysms of terror.

"We shall tell her we eloped and the Changelings fooled us into thinking she was attending."

"You'd lie to your sister?" he said, "I'm shocked, shocked I say."

"Considering the major components of her dreams lately," Luna said, "She has little room to complain. Your campaign to 'civilize' Discord appears to have paid significant dividends."

"And you manipulating her to be more open-minded about her own feelings?"

Luna sputtered and stammered, "I never - what are you implying, mine own sister?"

The Big Guy just knowingly smiled at her until the facade collapsed.

"You have learned her trick a tad too well," Luna complained.

"I had to be her, convincingly," he told her, "Remember. I'm no Trixie or Vladimir, but I do learn my parts."

Luna nodded. "One more day. Tomorrow evening, it will all be decided, one way or the other."

"We'll win," he told her and scratched her behind the ears.

As she leaned into it, she asked, "How can you be so certain. Some speak of butterflies, a flight of dragons cavorts throughout my innards."

"Once you've seen some of the things I have, you get a sense that even if the plan starts unwinding, your people can pull you out."

"How came you by this sense of surety?" Luna asked, and noted that Celly, Tom and Vladimir were approaching.

"Well, it's the wrong time for a bedtime story, but once upon a time, a mission to the moon ran into a little trouble, and systems never designed to return the crew safely from the moon were pressed into service. Since I'd helped build that engine, I got to interview the team of how we could do it, and whether what we build could stand the strain."

"Flight to the moon?" Celly asked, "How exactly did you do that?"

"Okay, this is going to be a longer story," the Big Guy said.

The griffons were now almost as good as the changelings, who were still well behind the Equestrian Postal officers.

"As long as they don't panic or freeze up," Derpy said as she watched, "The Schmooze's mouths are big enough, they'll still hit."

"I'm more worried about us," the Senior Postmaster said, "We've never seen it. We might be the ones who freeze."

Derpy felt very strange, wing-patting the Senior Postmaster's back. "That's why it's such a familiar task. Just drop the package and onto the next stop. Same as the lightning attack, just like the weather team does to discharge clouds harmlessly. Actions we take without thinking. So if thought falters, muscle memory takes up the slack."

The Senior Postmaster nodded and watched the griffons practice another round.

To call the pair of ponies mundane would have been loading the word with a weight it was never meant to bear. Militantly drab would have been better. Other than their size, which was not obvious as they stood side-by-side, there was literally nothing that marked these ponies as unusual. Even Applejack would have dismissed them as beneath her notice. But some ponies could see through such mundanity to see a pair of idle hooves.

"You there! This is a work area, why are you away from your project?" the sergeant trotted towards them.

"The last of the civilians who are willing to go are aboard the last train. We're out of a job," the stallion of the boring pair said and gave a warning glance to the mare.

"Great, grab a paint brush or a stir stick. The dew washed the paint off those two dragons, so we've got the whole job to do over again. Too bad we can't use regular paint, but it makes'em sick," the sergeant said, turning around and trotting away as if the pair wouldn't do anything but follow.

"Shanghooved," the mare whispered angrily.

"You go among, sometime you have to be among," the stallion replied, "I just hope this stuff washes off. If I know the inventors, this stuff may stain anything, even you."

"Just change it?" the mare replied.

"Where would the fun in that be?" he asked, "Watching you explain it will be hilarious." He ducked the hoof swipe. "Of course with my luck, you'd get the white paint."

The mare rolled her eyes, then froze as Dinky and Selene swooped over on carpets to stare at the pair. The mare looked like she was going to say something, when Dinky blurted out, "Quit lollygagging! This stuff takes hours to dry, and we need at least two good coats!" She flew off laughing, leaving Selene to smirk at the pair before she flew off as well.

"Flying carpets," the mare asked as she broke into a canter, "Why didn't we think of that?"

"I didn't need it, and you weren't exactly an inventor," the stallion said and he picked up a roller and a bucket of black paint. The mare picked up a roller and a bucket of white and approached the dragon waiting from the 'D-Day stripes' to be replaced.

The criers had been clear that the 'Great and Powerful Trixie' would be putting on a show beyond anything ever witnessed by pony eyes. Every Crystal Pony, griffon and changeling who could attend was there. With Cadence and Shining Armor, in the 'Royal Box', were Celestia, Celly, Woona and Luna. The Big Guy, and the inventor's corps were helping with the stage handling. The Bearers also attended.

"Eh," Rainbow said, "We've seen her act before."

"We were her act," Rarity said.

"Where's Vladimir?" Celestia asked, and looked askance at Shining Armor and Cadence tittering.

"He's part of the entertainment," Celly said, "He accompanied her on some of her travels."

Celestia's eyes crossed at that. "I can't imagine that."

"Well, your imagination needs some upgrades," Discord said as he popped in, and handed everyone in the box a bucket of popcorn. "Wish me luck!"

"Break a leg," Luna said.

"Aw, she sounds like she really means it," Discord said and vanished.

Lights illuminated the stage.

"Oh, it's a play!" Rarity said as she watched, looked over and pulled the book away from Twilight, "You can read later. The show shall go on!"

"Why didn't I ever do that?" Shining Armor asked.

"Because she knew where you slept," Cadence replied.

"Where's Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Keeping the source of all those spotlights company," Luna said, and looked at Rarity, "You may have let him slip through your fingers."

Rarity tossed her mane in feigned dismissal.

"There's Vladimir!" Applejack said, and was prevented from hollering to attract his attention.

"I shall impersonate a man," Vladimir said to the 'audience' on stage, "Alonzo Quijano, a country gentleman, no longer young."

"The play is about people putting on a play?" Applejack asked and was shushed.

"He lays down the melancholy burden of sanity. And conceives the strangest project ever imagined, to become a knight errant," Vladimir announced.

Glorious Sunrise knew he was missing a wonderful play, but some things took precedence. He had released all the others to go see it. He'd seen the movie in the Big Guy's home, with Dinky providing a translation.

What concerned him was the battle tomorrow.

The weapons stores had been slipped up to the clouds over the last few days. A handful at a time, so no one was the wiser. The Big Guy's plan against Molly B relied on deception. So one senile, old bird flitting about the clouds surrounded by his memories and long-lost dreams of glory was beneath notice. But one didn't live to become an old bird in his profession without being very, very good.

Weapons caches were well placed. Ammunition caches were scattered around the clouds. And the thunderhead that would provide so much of the critical cloud cover was content to hover over the mountains. Tomorrow, it would be disassembled to component parts to provide an ammunition dump for the ponies, griffons and changelings of the attack, and 'incidentally' conceal the griffon, changeling and dragon forces providing them high cover.

With luck, neither will know what hit them, Glorious Sunrise thought and moved to check the next cache, but in a roundabout fashion.

Trixie confronted Vladimir in the stage impression of a room in an inn. "You have showed me the sky, but what good is the sky, to a creature who'll never do better than crawl!"

Rainbow sniffled at that, unashamedly wiping away tears. She looked worriedly at Applejack and Rarity, but they were mesmerized by the play.

Celestia nudged Luna, who seemed more pensive than mesmerized by Trixie's song. "You were loved," Celestia said quietly, "And you could fly. As high as I could."

"I flew as high as you allowed yourself to," Luna said, "And we both know you could do more, that I could not. I have accepted that I will ever be the 'little' sister, and unless I stand a good distance from you, I will appear to be merely your shadow, whatever we might wish. The play's the thing." Luna gestured to the stage.

Trixie in righteous but impotent fury screamed at Vladimir as the curtain came down.

"I never knew she felt that way," Rarity said.

"It's just a play," Applejack reminded her.

Rarity shook her head. "Take a look down there, and tell me it is 'just a play'."

They peered at the audience filled with whispered conversations. Griffons, changelings and Crystal Ponies trying to make sense of the spectacle they had been watching. Each seeing something subtly different.

"They don't know, and neither do we," Rarity said, "That's a good play."

Applejack nodded. "Even got Rainbow to cry."

"Wha!" Rainbow exclaimed, as her friends laughed.

"Why are you poets so fascinated with mad man?" Green Grass asked, confronting Vladimir.

"We have much in common!" Vladimir countered.

"Have I missed much?" Glorious Sunrise asked as he arrived in the Royal Box.

Pinkie shook her head.

" 'Life as it is'," Vladimir answered quietly, "I've lived for over forty years, and I've seen, 'life as it is'. Pain. Misery. Cruelty beyond belief. I've heard all the voices of God's noblest creature." He indicated himself. "Moans from bundles of filth in the streets."

The old griffon had asked himself the same questions over and over again. He'd never seen this concern put into a play.

"These were men who saw 'life as it is'," Vladimir said, "But they died despairing. No glory, no brave last words. Only in their eyes, filled with confusion, questioning 'why?'"

Vladimir stood and paced the stage. "I do not think they were asking why they were dying, but why they had ever lived."

He turned back to Green Grass. "When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies. Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams, this may be madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash!"

"Too much sanity may be madness!" he shouted at Green Grass. He turned to face the cast arrayed before him, and the audience, "And maddest of all! To see life as it IS and not as it SHOULD BE!"

Trixie approached the bedridden Vladimir. "Please try to remember!"

Vladimir looked over at her. "I spoke to you?" he said as if not remembering, and not believing.

"And you called me by another name, Dulcinea." It was if Trixie had transformed from just a player, just another unicorn. For a few brief instants it was as if she were an alicorn.

"That's . . . " Applejack said as she watched and was shushed.

Vladimir sat up. "Then perhaps . . . it was not a dream."

"You spoke of a dream and about the quest."

"Quest?"

"How you must fight," Trixie sounded pleading, "And it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, as long as you follow the Quest."

"What did I say to you?" Vladimir asked, as he groped for understanding, "Tell me the words."

"To dream the impossible dream," Trixie said, "But they are your own words. To fight the unbeatable foe." She looked at him deeply. "Don't you remember? To bear with unbearable sorrow." She pleaded, given strength from her own sorrow, "You must remember. To run where the brave dare not go."

Vladimir spoke as if groping through darkness. "To right the unrightable wrong."

Trixie nodded, encouraging him. "Yes."

"To love pure and chaste from afar," he looked deeply at Trixie.

"Yes."

"To try when your arms are too weary," Vladimir seemed to be gaining steam and clarity as he spoke, "To reach the unreachable star."

Cadence smiled as Shining sniffled and tried to hide he was crying.

"Sancho!"

"Here your grace!" the Sphinx called.

"My armor! My sword!" Vladimir ordered.

"More misadventures!" the Sphinx called as she approached with the items.

"Adventures old friend!" Vladimir called back.

Most of the crowd swelled with joy and sang along with the triumphant reprise. Griffons and Changelings along with the ponies.

Cadence was not the only one to gasp with horror as Vladimir 'died' on the verge of resuming the life he so desired.

"But, but, but," Rainbow stammered as she waved a leg at the stage, "He won." She looked around at her friends, and her sovereigns. "IT'S NOT FAIR!" she shouted at the stage. No one had the heart to rebuke her for her outburst.

The actors were back to the prison, with Cervantes being led away. Trixie's character sat quietly, and raised her eyes. "To dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe."

The other actors began to sing, and some of the crowd tried to follow, although the lyrics of this reprise were different than the standard.

With the end of the play there was tepid applause. Not that the play hadn't been masterful, but the message had been confusing.

"It's not fair," Rainbow said to the others, "Tell me that was fair."

"Life isn't fair," Applejack told her, "Sometimes it isn't fair in your favor."

"But he was gonna be a knight again!" Rainbow said.

"He was a knight again," Glorious Sunrise told her, "He died as a knight among friends. There are far worse ways to die, as the playwright told us, despairing of who and why you were, is among them. Fighting may look glorious from the outside, but inside, Fluttershy at least is honest. It's the fear."

"I'm not afraid," Rainbow challenged.

"Then you haven't paid attention," the old griffon said quietly, "The play wasn't about not being afraid. It was accepting that you are afraid, even that you might lose, but you just keep trying."

"Better to dream big, and achieve only part of it," Rarity said, "Than never dream at all and achieve that completely."

"I thought it was about sometimes just going out and having fun adventures, no matter what 'reality' is," Pinkie Pie said.

"Remind me ta stock up on windmill repair kits," Applejack said to Twilight.

"I think the reason Trixie, and Vladimir, put on that play," Twilight said, "Was to dispel the notion that the battle is going to be glorious, but that it has to be done. I agree with Fluttershy. I don't like fighting, especially when it doesn't solve the problem. But we remember the adventures, because they showed we could be more than we usually let ourselves be."

"Don't assume you're gonna be a hero, but try and be one anyway?" Rainbow asked, "What kind of message is that?"

"Maybe the best kind," Cadence said, "Quit trying to be a particular thing, and just be."

"With respect to all your guesses," Celestia said, "My opinion is that all things have many layers: the play, the duality of Quijano/Quixote, Dulcinea/Aldonza. Sancho does seem to be 'living in the now', but everyone else is seeking to change their life to mean something."

"I disagree," Luna said, "Even Sancho felt the call of adventure, and accepting it improved his life, if only that his wife's beatings became ineffectual."

Fluttershy giggled, then looked around. "I think they put on the play, so that we'd have a common framework to argue these points, and stay friends. We aren't saying 'your way of living is wrong', we're saying 'I see the play this way'. I was watching the crowd, and the ponies and griffons were all discussing it as we are. Sometimes they were confused, but they weren't hostile."

"If you start arguing the analysis of that from inside the play," Rainbow said to Twilight, "I'm not going to listen."

The others chuckled.

"I was just going to consider the papers that could be written, analyzing the play," Twilight said and frowned at Rainbow.

43) Ninety Day Wonder

Cultural Artifacts - Ninety Day Wonder
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 90

Pinkie's forehoof reached out, then as wakefulness increased, and she didn't find what she was searching for, the movement encompassed a larger area of the bed. She opened her eyes and looked around. As a baker, she was used to awakening early, but today she'd thought she could sleep in to 'early for anypony else'.

" 'Old bird' my fluffy, pink mane," she told the figure getting dressed in the darkness.

"I've been a soldier all my life," Glorious Sunrise replied, walking over to nuzzle Pinkie, "That implies a good deal of physical stamina."

Pinkie snorted at that, then frowned. "You be careful," she told him as she hugged him, "I know things are planned out, but I shouldn't have to tell you about the unexpected."

He raised her chin and scratched behind her ears. "I am prepared for the unexpected, I try to make sure the unexpected is not prepared for me."

She grinned at him. "Okay, I won't ask you to Pinkie Promise, but try your best," Pinkie said as she slipped out of bed.

"I should demand the same from you," he told her as he adjusted his uniform and armor, "You're going to use the Elements at some point. I can fly away and I have an army watching my back. You'll have to run, and I think I have the edge on speed."

Pinkie waved a hoof. "Oh, I have a few tricks that'll make up the difference, and I think the 'civilian' guards are going to take guarding the royalty very seriously. Some will even work on the Schmooze." She kissed him to keep either of them from talking for a while. They both knew how the other felt, so words would just get in the way.

"My crown!" Twilight shouted as she pursued the cloaked figure down the crystalline hall.

"Bring that back!" Twilight heard Rainbow shouting as another cloaked figure winged past with Rainbow in hot pursuit.

Twilight teleported, only to discover the figure had changed course and was headed down the side corridor. Twilight turned and raced after the fleeing figure.

Once she had a clear path, she teleported again, and ran straight into the thief's cloak. Before she could disentangle herself, she heard Rainbow's shout, and then Rainbow crashed into her, sending them both spinning along the floor.

The pair painfully pulled the two cloaks away and looked around the corridor for the thieves. While many guards had blocked both entrances, only Shining Armor and Cadence were present in the doorless, windowless corridor.

Her heart sank as she saw that Cadence had both the crown, and Rainbow's necklace. Shining Armor's expression was one of controlled fury, directed at the two Element Bearers.

"You left this out on a table, where anyone can steal it?" despite his expression he asked in utterly emotionless tones, and turned to Rainbow, "Did you think we provided you with a lockbox bolted to the table and instruction how to use it, and why, just to keep your snacks in?"

Twilight withered at the tone and even Rainbow cringed back.

"We are under threat from two enemies, one a master infiltrator," Cadence said, looking more angry that Shining Armor. She held up the Elements. "These are critical to the protection of Equestria and you treat them as if they are costume jewelry: unimportant and easily replaceable." Cadence handed the Elements back to their Bearers. "You owe NIGHTMARE MOON thanks that the real infiltrator was stopped before she could get to your Elements. Now go put these in the lockboxes, where they belong, and you can explain to Celestia why you were so careless in your handling of them."

Twilight slunk back to her room and carefully placed the crown in the heavy, armored box that Shining had told her to put the crown in before she retired for the night. The loud click meant more than just a mechanical sound, it signified she'd let everypony down, and risked the safety of Equestria over her carelessness.

The amber unicorn moved away as far as the chains allowed as the wolf sniffed her once again. The other wolf in the room looked on with an utterly bored expression.

"You can't eat her until she lies to us, and we can prove it," Hotaru said, "And then you only get to eat one of her legs."

The male wolf sat back and stared at Hotaru.

"NO, you can't suck out one of her eyeballs and eat it, even though I agree she has a spare," Hotaru told him.

He snorted on the unicorn and walked back to the corner of the cell to stare at her while obviously fantasizing about ripping her flesh from her bones.

"Aren't you going to ask any questions?" the mare asked, "I know a lot about Canterlot."

"I'm trying to figure out what questions to ask that you'll lie about," Hotaru said, "We were promised we could nibble around the edges when you lied."

"I know secrets that would be very useful to you!" the mare insisted.

"The only secret I'm interested in, is whether you'll taste better stir-fried or slow roasted," Hotaru said, "Or raw. It is a conundrum." As expected, the mare fainted.

Hotaru swore the wolf was laughing. She responded by picking up the can Holly Hock had provided and gently brushing some of the master chef's 'secret sauce' on the mare's leg.

"By sunrise she'll be ready to tell the interrogators everything," Hotaru explained.

The wolf seemed to accept this and curled up in a ball to wait for the mare to wake up.

The Schmooze was right on schedule. Tom noted that its advance was right along expected lines, and at the expected speed. In a few hours, I'm getting my 'bombs', and then we'll see how you do, he thought, Whether Harmony or Chaos prevails, you will not be part of it.

He knew such hatred was corrosive and he looked down from where he floated in the predawn darkness, expecting it to be dripping off him and burning a hole to the planet's core. It wasn't happening, but he couldn't help despising all the Schmooze represented. At least Celestia and the tree of Harmony had the decency to hate Discord's excesses. This thing doesn't care as long as it eats whatever independence lies in front of it, good or bad, chaos or harmony. As long as it reduces everything to bland sameness, it is satisfied. Not on my watch.

He was aware of Celestia's approach, and the danger the alicorn was putting herself in. Though second-hand, Tom had seen Dieppe, Normandy, Caen, Bergen-Belsen, Pusan, and the Yalu River. He was immune to what the Schmooze represented, not so Celestia. So he kept an eye on her as she watched it grind forward.

"We have to stop it," Celestia said, "Short of dropping the sun on it."

"There are myriad other avenues," Tom said, "Many are being moved forward."

Celestia looked at him. "You care about Discord, don't you?"

"If you are asking 'is he my friend' then yes. He's also part of me, and I part of him, like a child takes after its parents," Tom said.

"So I take it you are prepared to do anything to protect him," Celestia said.

"I draw the line at sacrificing my friends," Tom said, "Everything else is on the table."

"In the castle of the Pony Sisters," Celestia said.

"Already used the Predakanin, no effect," Tom told her, "Remember, Nightmare hates this thing as much as you and Luna do. And she has access to all Luna knew until the Elements removed her."

Celestia stared at him, then looked down at the creature. "That doesn't leave much. I thought that was too horrible to ever contemplate using. And the Breezies don't have supermagic here. The mirror might work, but would just inflict it on another world."

"We'll beat it, or there will be no one left to care about our defeat. Even the creatures in Tartarus won't be able to beat it," Tom said.

"Not the epitaph I wanted," Celestia said, "For myself or my people." She looked away as if searching for the dawn. Something that wouldn't happen unless she willed it. But what lay below them was immune to her will.

The early risers had already breakfasted and were dismantling the thunderhead into cloud cover and 'ammunition storage' for the main attack. Equestria had sent weather teams to provide more cloud moving. The changeling nations had sent everyone they could spare, changelings and groups who had 'adopted' their infiltrators, as a way of accepting the Empress' suzerainty, and to try to cover over their participation in Chrysalis' abortive invasion. It also drove home that changelings could be symbiotes and not parasites.

Twilight was everywhere, jotting down notes, collecting quotes, and trying to get as good a 'prehistory' snapshot of the people and their thinking as ponilly possible.

Applejack and Pinkie Pie helped prepare the food for the growing throng.

Discord stood back and watched it all. Controlled chaos, the very idea made him shudder, But while pure chaos is fun, we need some organization. He had visited the dumps where the canisters of hot sauce stood ready for the final ingredient. He had watched the various griffon regiments making their prebattle arrangements. Some prayed, some polished their buttons and medals, some prepared wills or final letters home. There was a grimness to them that even the doughtiest ponies lacked. Discord, clad in a sergeant's uniform, with 15-star general's insignia marched through and 'complimented' any slackers. It had the desired effect. They straightened up and flew right.

When he was sure Celestia and Woona were otherwise occupied, he blipped off to Canterlot, collected the statues he needed, and put them where he or Tom could retrieve them for the drop.

"The Lord of Chaos, and I so want to just skip to the end . . . oh good grief, I can." He vanished for a moment, and returned. "I don't believe it, I just don't," he said as he shook his head, "All these brave warriors ready to surge into battle, and that's how the story ends? I don't believe it." He shook his fist. "You bastard!"

The Big Guy approached as the last Equestrian train pulled into the station. No more would be arriving, and Railroad Tie's team had the trains still here pointed back down the tracks for a hasty withdrawal. He paused to enjoy the sounds and smells of his youth, when steam ruled and diesels meant trucks, not trains. The place is waking up, he thought of the increased activity, Soon they'll be growing up. Suddenly, I don't know if that's good or bad.

Nurse Redheart and some of the Ponyville medical staff stepped out. The pony who'd been the heart of the 'get the Ponyville Monster out of Ponyville' movement looked awkwardly at the Big Guy. She sighed, and saluted their welcoming committee. "We have a full field hospital ready to go."

The Big Guy nodded and turned to Marigold. "You know where the medical centers are assembled."

The pony nodded and escorted the Ponyville medical staff to where they'd set up. The Big Guy ignored the nervous glances from the others, who'd also been prominent in the movement. He had no time for recriminations or to listen to apologies, whoever made it through could deal with it.

"It seems Discord was right in a way he didn't expect," the Big Guy said to members of the Apple clan who were disembarking.

"You made it!" came Fluttershy's happy call as she swept down to hug a huge buffalo who was stepping out of another railcar. Chief Thunderhooves blushed at the mare's frantic hug, then approached Big Mac and the Big Guy.

"We understand that the enemy may be beyond us," the Chief said as the rest of the war party disembarked and assembled, "But we are strong, we are swift, and we are your allies."

"We'll need internal security," the Big Guy said, "Molybdenum Blossom -"

"That monster still lives?!" the chief demanded.

The Big Guy stepped back. "She is one of our enemies, and she's likely to send infiltrators into the city."

The chief's expression he'd seen all too often in his youth. He'd worn it himself as often as not. "We will hunt them, we will destroy them," the chief said, "She is a monster too frightening to even scare unruly children with. An old, old enemy." The chief gave a grin that would have chilled Nightmare. "It is good we are here, to course her to death as we were denied so long ago."

"Make sure Shining Armor knows that, and I think Twilight might be interested in any old legends about her tactics and personality," the Big Guy said.

Fluttershy and the chief nodded. The Apples had already spotted the food preparation area and were headed that way. Once they were out of earshot, the Big Guy boarded the train.

"Okay kids, out, you've been drafted," he called into the seemingly empty railcar.

Scootaloo crawled from under the seats, and Tank came from the opposite aisle at the far end of the car.

"Everybody else," the Big Guy said.

Angel, Applebloom, Gummy, Owlicious, Opalescence, Sweetie Belle, and Winona crawled from their hiding places among the seats and cabinets of the train car.

"How did you know we were in here?" Applebloom asked.

"Oh, I know kids, and I would have just walked the length of the train until I found you," the Big Guy said.

Tank hung his head while Angel face palmed.

"Now, you're all drafted," the Big Guy said, as he pulled the 'wand' he'd crafted, and they all vanished, to reappear in the observatory at the top of the tower. There Spike waited. "You owe me two bits," the Big Guy said as Spike face palmed.

"Now," the Big Guy said, "Molly B's attack can come in any direction. So with the most powerful telescopes and binoculars in the Republic, you lot will keep watch on all four quadrants. One with a wide view, the other with a narrower focus. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Angel will watch each section, with Spike relaying the reports to the command post."

Angel thumped his foot quickly and glared at the Big Guy.

The Big Guy knelt so he still towered over the rabbit, but could easily look him in the eye. "Molly B will kill and eat her opponents, Fluttershy included. I want to prevent that, how about you?"

The rabbit snorted, hopped over to stool and with a mighty kick, positioned it so he could use the tripod-mounted binoculars.

"Any questions?" the Big Guy asked.

"There's more than eight of us," Sweetie Belle pointed out.

"You can pick your partners," he told them, "And one of you as a relief."

"I think we can handle it," Spike assured him.

Angel whistled, when the Big Guy turned, the rabbit ripped off a sharp salute, then glared at everyone as if to say 'get to your posts'. The pets were quicker to get moving than the Crusaders were.

Glorious Sunrise watched the ponies and a few griffons assembling the 'ammo dump' piece by piece, like laying tile across the sky. Once the cover was extensive enough, out of a hundred 'ponies' in regimented masses arriving to set the tiles, only 90 would race off in a chaotic flock to gather more cloud pieces.

The remainder assembled above, changing to griffons, or if they were griffons, organizing the changelings into formations.

As the cloud cover extended, the officers began putting the 'changeling-griffons' through their paces, while more changeling and griffon arrivals formed new formations.

Glorious Sunrise smiled at the deception, and at the thought of the surprise.

Vladimir and Fragrance nearly collided with Celly as they exited the Constitution's engine room.

Celly grinned at why the pair were distracted. "The weapons are online, and ready, even with the reduced energy output," she told them, "Luna and Woona have the areas of structural weakness marked, so no one will fall through."

Vladimir nodded. And glanced around. "It seems a shame, but use it or lose it," he said.

Celly nodded, but left her head bowed at the end. "I know you can never forgive my counterpart, and looking back at what I did to my Blueblood, I doubt he could forgive me. But I ask you to forgive yourself. You served, as badly as you were treated, you did far more good than harm, and in the end, even here, you've served Equestria with distinction."

"Thank you," Vladimir said, "I tried to be 'the one they needed', rather than 'the one they deserved'."

"I think Discord has taken that place, and he relishes it," Fragrance said.

"A worse and more deserved fate I cannot imagine," Vladimir said, in 'Blueblood' tones.

The trio laughed before parting to complete their checkouts.

Rainbow paced, on the ground. Celestia's 'I'm very disappointed in both of you' rang in her ears. She'd been moved from the weather teams, where she'd do some good, to the auxiliary control room.

"There's nothing happening here!" she shouted at the empty room full of tables and binoculars, "This isn't a command center. This is a conference room with a good view."

"What did you expect of an auxiliary command post before a battle?" Selene said as she flew in 'dragging' a carpet full of binders. She set them on the table at a few places and the bulk in the center of the table. "So you're the guard? You got off lucky. When I screwed up, I got punished a lot worse."

"It's not like I didn't notice!" Rainbow said.

"Yeah, it's not like my aunt, the master sneak thief, didn't have to drop something noisy to get your attention," Selene said.

Rainbow cringed at that. "I would have caught her."

"No, you wouldn't have," Selene said, "I heard about the Nightmare Night race, you couldn't get away from her."

"I'da caught anypony else," Rainbow said.

"I never knew you were a thief taker," Selene said as she rolled up the carpet, "I've watched Hotaru and her wolf-friend stalk things I didn't even know were there. I've seen master infiltrators follow me despite everything an alicorn could do to evade them. If the thief was any good, you never would have caught her. Fortunately for you, Hotaru and her wolf friend are religious about stalking the castle. Making sure only the ones who belong are in here."

"Hotaru . . . you mean Nightmare Moon as a wolf? Why's she protecting anything?" Rainbow asked.

"Why are you pacing around feeling sorry for yourself, instead of just sleeping on the table?" Selene asked, "It's about duty to your friends. Nightmare may hate that she's been 'ensnared' by us, but she's as protective of us as any other guard dog." Selene flew out the window.

Rainbow was left frowning. Then she dashed to the windows, and looked out each one. Satisfied no one was coming in, she opened one of the binders and began to read.

Elsewhere in the Tower, Celestia smiled at that.

Glorious Sunrise was getting nervous, but in a good way. More and more griffons, and changeling-griffons had assembled above the pony-built cloud deck. Slipping in in small numbers, but now became a mighty host. He'd begun to realize that the platoon-level swoops were being performed by companies, company-level envelopments were being performed by regiments, and battalion-level feints and counterstrikes were being performed by divisions.

Changelings are so inter-coordinated, they can pull off those maneuvers, he realized, They know where all the others are, and from their leaders, where they need to be.

He looked at the largest, most powerful griffon force that had taken the field since the wars against the Three Kingdoms. And it's mine, the entire griffon kingdom could be mine for the taking, nothing they could field could touch this force, he thought, then laughed at himself, But it will be fun telling those 'swivel-chair hussars' that conquering them wasn't worth my time and effort, and Sand Cobra will be the perfect conduit. He grinned. I wish I could be there when they receive my report.

Trixie had lunched early, gotten a nap, and then her carpet had lifted off to scout ahead of the army. The two changelings aboard were both guards and 'radios', they would let the command post know when they spotted the Schmooze. Tom, Discord and Celly were also scouting as the aerial armada assembled.

"Nervous," she asked the changelings.

"No, just a tad overfed," one replied, "Nice place for a quick bite, but not where I want to live." The other nodded.

Flim poured the last ingredient into another canister, and sealed it by hoof, magic was a risk nopony wanted to take with these things. He raised his blast shield and looked at Flam and the other inventors carefully pouring and sealing the hundreds of canisters.

Will we be heros, or forgotten? he wondered, Being heros would be nice, but there are down sides to being known.

He moved to the next container, and poured, gently poured, observantly poured, the premeasured final ingredient, and saw the mix was remaining quiescent, again. He waited until he'd sealed the canister before he sighed with relief. Assembled five to a revetment, once he'd done five, he moved to the next revetment, letting the transport crew take the 'live' ones to the field for the bombers to pick up and five more with premeasured final ingredient left in the revetment for processing.

Derpy hugged Dinky as her daughter climbed aboard the Sphinx's broad back. "I'll keep her safe, and she'll keep me safe," the Sphinx told her.

Derpy nodded. The Sphinx would be a scout, she lacked the ability to affect clouds, and was not an accurate bomber. The binoculars, rifle and boxes of ammunition marked her as an aerial sniper and scout. One of those who'd guard against Molly B's treachery, or anything unexpected.

And who'll run when things get too hot, Derpy thought as she watched them take to the air, Not like me. She glanced around as the bomber corps stretched out and got ready. I'm going into the thick of it.

She checked her goggles and flight helmet. Things she normally eschewed, but for this mission, she kept. Changelings were mixed in the formation as 'radios' to report success, failure, or anything headquarters needed. She took a deep breath before thinking, God, the Big Guy seems to think you can get him, and us, out of this alive. I don't know who you are, maybe you don't know who I am or we ponies are, but any help would be appreciated.

She looked around self-consciously. " 'There are no atheists in foxholes,'" she whispered, "Why do I feel like I just asked Discord for a favor?"

The Big Guy walked up to the edge of the low balcony of the Tower. Hundreds of faces turned to look at him, as they awaited the order to take to the air, or go to their battle-stations. Discord had arranged that everyone would hear and see him. He hadn't mentioned that Canterlot, Ponyville and a few other capitals were included in that 'everyone'.

" 'I address you tonight, not as the Ponyville Monster, not as a leader of a country, but as a citizen of this world. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. My people call this day: Ragnarok, the final battle and possibly the end of all things. And yet, for the first time, in the history of the planet, our species have the capability, to prevent our own extinction.

" 'All of you praying with us need to know, that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service.

" 'The thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step up the ladder of science and magic, every adventurous reach into the unknown, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle.

" 'Through all the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrongs and the dissension, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls and elevated our species above our origins, and that is our courage.

" 'The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those many brave souls traveling into the Heavens. May we all, citizens the world over, see these events through. Godspeed, and good luck to you.'"

As the Big Guy stepped back from the balcony's edge, no one needed be told they were dismissed. They headed to their battlestations, on the ground or in the air. All of them stood or flew prouder, acknowledging the weight of their responsibility, but not crushed by it.

Celestia looked at the legions of ponies, griffons, changelings, and others moving so purposefully, with such a determined will. She felt odd feeling the beauty and rightness of it, the concentrated purpose of all those around her. What could be done with that in other realms? she wondered.

" 'It is well that war is so terrible - otherwise we would grown too fond of it'," Vladimir told her.

She shuddered at that, but couldn't help but be taken in by the majesty of what she was seeing.

Trixie watched the host form up and move forward.

"Gray leader standing by," her 'radio' changelings repeated, "Red leader standing by."

"Yellow leader standing by."

"White leader standing by."

Trixie smirked at that. Celly being the only one in her 'weight class' she was a group all to herself.

"Blue leader standing by," she reported to the changelings. On the off-chance their communications were monitored, she was to simulate an entire battlegroup.

"Purple leader, standing by."

"Orange leader, standing by."

"Paisley leader, standing by," Discord reported. Like Celly, he was close support, if anything got past the griffon high cover, or unlike Celly, the Schmooze did anything strange. The Schmooze had proven quite resistant to Alicorn magic.

Trixie was actually glad the draconequus was in the air with them. If anyone can be ready for the weird, it's Discord.

"Look at the size of that thing," one of her 'radios' muttered.

"Stay focused on your job, keep chatter off the channel," she told him.

The changeling nodded.

"The Schmooze has reached the North Ridge," one of the 'radios' announced.

"Launch the first wave," the Big Guy ordered through the radios.

Through the tripod mounted binoculars, Rainbow watched the mass of pegasi and a few griffons of the Inventor Corps seize clouds and race forward. Maybe being in the aux control isn't so bad, she thought as the formation dipped out of sight beyond the horizon.

"CLEAR!" the Spike shouted and everyone stepped away from or put down their binoculars or telescopes.

The actinic flash of the first lightning strike glowed in the distance. Sweetie Belle stared at the smoking hole bored through Applebloom's hairbow.

"Looking through binoculars, that would have been your eyes," Spike said, "That's the other thing we're watching for."

The 'Observer Corps' all nervously nodded and went back to scanning the area around the tower.

"No noticeable effect," the changeling reported to the command center. Like the auxiliary, but larger and better staffed.

"Second wave," Vladimir ordered and returned to the huge, central table the progress and forces were displayed on, "Casualties?"

"None," Luna reported, "It hasn't started fighting back."

"That'll change soon enough," the Big Guy added, then turned, "Gold Group, you'll go in with the third wave."

"Understood," came Derpy's reply through the changeling radios.

"Clear!" came Spike's order, and everyone pulled back from their binocs.

"Third wave," Vladimir said before getting the damage assessment.

"Gold Group, this is Paisley Group," Derpy heard Discord's voice as did everyone else, "Make your attack run, I'll draw its fire on your egress."

Derpy nodded then shook her head, "Roger." She didn't know who 'Roger' was, but etiquette was etiquette, even when it made no sense.

Especially when it makes no sense, Derpy thought, I wish we could have kept the Jericho Trumpets, but when carrying a bomb there's no place to hold them that wouldn't deafen us as well. She glanced down at the tube held in all four legs, and briefly wished, This might be fun, in a different setting, with a different thing wrapped up in my legs.

"Targets are marked," Derpy told her team. As ferocious and painful as the lightning was, this was the alpha strike.

"Schmooze has reached the Bunker Hills," came the report.

"Remember, don't release until you see the whites of its eyes," she shouted a reminder as Gold Group split up to target the nearest mouths that the lightning attacks had started growling.

"Clear!"

Her goggles magically darkened at the tremendous flash, as did all of Gold Group's. Even through darkness that would have let her look at the sun, the brightness was painful. Even her fur was warmed by the flash.

"We're going in," she said, and was alarmed at how calm she felt.

Training, and this is just like the mail delivery drills, she thought as she dove, let go of her package and raced away. No one knew how the Schmooze would respond, and no one wanted to be the closest when it did.

Dinky was scanning the Schmooze as Gold Group dropped their bombs and raced away. Everypony was racing away, except Discord, and the Sphinx whom Dinky was riding on.

"The Schmooze's eyes have shrunk to little dots," she reported, using a radio spell, like what the changelings were doing, "Red spreading from the mouths, now orange, yellow . . . it's all plaid!" She scanned all she could see. "All of it! Paisley Group get out of there!"

A column of flame erupted from every mouth she could see, she reported that and looked closely at the eyes. "I think it's awake," she reported, "And I'd guess it's angry. 'You hurt my child' level angry."

"Then I'm getting us out of here," the Sphinx said as one of the Schmooze's hands scooped up itself and threw a piece at Discord. Dozens of other hands did the same.

"Discord! Are you all right?" the Big Guy shouted as the draconequus seemed to drop out of the sky.

Discord materialized in the control room hugged about a dozen people, Vladimir, the Big Guy, Celestia and Twilight among them. "You like me, you really, really like me!" He kissed Celestia on the forehead and vanished, letting them tumble to the floor.

"Stay low on egress, that thing has terrible gun depression," came Discord's voice over the changeling 'radio' net.

While the others were shaking their heads, Rainbow briefly flew in, pointing a hoof at the Schmooze who was still roaring and shifting side to side instead of advancing. "That was so incredibly AWESOME!"

"Yes it was," Vladimir said, "Back to your post. That was the griffons, now the Equestrian Postal Service goes in. Fourth wave now. Platinum Group on stand-by. Fifth Group stand by to attack immediately after Platinum drops."

"If the second attack is as effective as the first," Shining Armor began, then noticed every 'Crystal' glaring at him, even the 'radios', although the Equestrians seemed mystified by the fury. "Right, Finagle and Murphy, never mind." Armor slunk away from a still-glaring Cadence and Vladimir. "Break a leg?" Armor added lamely, which seemed to have the desired effect.

" 'Finagle and Murphy'?" Twilight asked.

"Murphy - anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

Twilight looked around as the chorus of every 'Crystal' died down.

The Big Guy faced her. "Finagle adds 'at the worst possible moment'. O'Toole commented that 'Murphy was an optimist'."

Twilight shook her head and was going to rebut, but Trixie's voice interrupted, "All groups, new group of signals, the dragons are coming."

"All groups keep your eyes open," Vladimir ordered, looked at the aghast Armor and shrugged, "They were going to show eventually. Not now would have been better."

The force had rested among the clouds, a few of the restless had flown to patrol, but most stretched, worked out kinks in their muscles, held tactics talks, and generally prepared.

When the first wave had gone in, Glorious Sunrise roused them and got them in the air. They'd shaken out their formations and Glorious had positioned them where he felt the dragons would be coming from.

Trixie's spotting had confirmed that his instincts were as sharp as ever. Like every aerial hunter biologic or machine, speed was everything, height could be traded for speed, so as they maneuvered for position, they climbed.

With 'eyes' below the cloud deck, he knew where the enemy was, but remained unseen. Again, his instincts of the pounce told him exactly where and when, except this time the 'hunters' had no idea they were the hunted.

He smiled as the nearby bannergriffs signaled, and Colonel-General Glorious Sunrise, three times Hero of the Empire, led the greatest swoop not only in history, but even in legend.

Dinky watched the spectacle, she'd heard stories about armies that 'blackened the skies' with their wings, but she hadn't believed it, until now. Through her binoculars, she saw the plant-dragons couldn't believe it either. Some just stopped and stared, others flew on, but no wall of flames incinerated the oncoming griffons and changelings.

Changelings dropped their disguises, and formed the impact shell of green fire and rammed the dragons in their hundreds.

"Twenty dragons down, the rest are being closely engaged," she reported and watched. But something nagged at her. "Didn't they have more than that?"

"I think so," the Sphinx said, "Let's head back towards Trixie's area."

Spike stared at Angel and Tank. "You're sure it was only thirty?"

Angel nodded.

Spike sighed but reported, "Command, we have confirmed sighting of only thirty, I say again: thirty plant-dragons."

Tank nodded.

"Pick up your scans," the Big Guy ordered through Spike.

The teams returned to scanning the entire area.

The Big Guy stepped up to Vladimir. "They're coming for the city."

"Do it," Vladimir said and nodded, "Good luck."

The Big Guy nodded and glanced around, seeming to collect a few others. The group left the command center.

"Celly, report to the Constitution, leave the rest of White Group to guard that flank," Vladimir ordered.

"Where are they?" Shining asked as he stared at the situation table, and several maps of the surrounding area.

Celestia watched and understood the logic of the plan. Ponies can't sustain the emotions for a sustained fight without losing themselves to it, she thought, But this is more like a grand prank. She looked over at Pinkie, who was watching the battle and commenting on it like it was a sporting event. Some ponies will go to great lengths to sustain a prank, but pranksterism can be put down and picked up. Practice until it becomes reflex, and keep the exposure low. I don't think we've lost a single flyer to Schmooze fugue.

She settled back to watch, trying to dull the urge to race out and do. And do nothing of any value, she admitted, Except distract them from their jobs. I'd be something so far out of their training, I'd break the entire rhythm they've set up.

She sighed and for the first time, envied Discord who'd been accepted as 'a regular person'.

Derpy watched Silver Group drop their loads and bug out, low as Discord had instructed. The Schmooze hurled handfuls of itself at them, but its 'gun depression' was so awful, none came close. The roaring of the Schmooze was becoming continuous now. Obvious the bombs were having a lasting effect. To highlight that, it was now a continuous dull red, rather than the gray it had been at the start of the battle.

The bombs are having less and less effect, she thought and looked at the dwindling stockpile that had seemed so limitless when she took off the first time. Will we run out before these have no more effect, or after?

Fragrance was awaiting him on the Constitution's bridge, along with a full suite of Changelings, including Sapphire and the Empress. The Big Guy noted than many of these Changelings were formerly Chrysalis' hivemates. Eager to prove real rather than feigned loyalty to the new boss, he thought.

"Manned and ready," Fragrance reported, "All the specials are installed and ready."

"Thank you," he said, "A skeleton crew was agreed on, you don't have to be here."

"Time's a-wasting youngling," the Empress said, "I may be too old to ride fire on that thing." She waved a hoof in the general direction of the Schmooze. "But I can fight sitting down like nopony's business."

"Very well," the Big Guy said as he took the Captain's chair, "Clear all moorings. One-quarter power to climb, until we have a target, then punch her up to full speed ahead."

"Mooring's cleared," Sapphire told him.

"One-quarter, and climbing," the Empress told him. "You've been sharing a lot more songs and stories. Considering the effect they had, I can see why. But I think we need another."

He smiled at having the old changeling see through his plan. " 'Here may it wave, our boast, our pride, and joined in love together. The thistle, shamrock, rose entwine, the Maple Leaf forever!'"

The massive ship began to move up and away from the city. Another flash of lightning bathed the ship in its glow, and it briefly shown as a second sun. Then it climbed above the cloud deck and was lost to view.

Trixie had extended her scouting out beyond what was projected, or even wise. I've been in bandit country before, she thought as she and the changelings peered around.

A blast of dragon fire that missed her carpet was her first warning as dozens of dragons dropped out of the cloud deck.

"They weren't above, or below, they were inside it!" she called to the 'radios' as she swept the carpet into a series of maneuvers that should have made her airsick. The bolts of fire got farther away, but there were too many to maintain this dodging forever.

"Some help would be really nice!" she called as she jinked, rolled, and dodged.

She heard the changeling using an anti-fire spell and assumed they'd been hit.

"Not bad," the changeling reported.

"We're on them, Trixie," came the Big Guy's voice, "Hold on."

Trixie wouldn't admit it, but she wasn't sure she could, the hours of flying were catching up to her and while careful manipulation was her forte, moving this much mass was not.

Streams of lightning passed the other way, killing or driving off the five dragons who'd stayed on the pursuit. "Old I may be, dead I am not!" came the voice of the Empress.

Trixie grinned in relief, knowing that could be transmitted and amplified to the Empress by the two 'radios'.

"We've got them," came the Big Guy's voice through the changeling, "We're going to take on the rest."

Trixie watched the Constitution briefly dip below the cloud deck so that all the dragons saw it, then it climbed above. The plant-dragons pursued. Trixie followed orders, she ran for it.

The battle-stations alarm fell silent as the Constitution plowed ahead. The dragons had no formation, and acted like they didn't need any. Bolts of fire struck the ship, but the shielding absorbed the energy.

"Hold your fire," the Big Guy said as his eyes swept the shield panel and the growing charge held within, "Let more of them get closer."

"Are you going to ram them?" Fragrance asked, "Thirty seconds to impact."

"Hold your fire," the Big Guy said, the only calm one on the entire bridge.

"Continuous fire!" he barked, and the changelings in the gunnery positions let loose the lightning. Arcs would hit one dragon, and arc onto another close-by. Nearly a third of the horde were destroyed, another third wounded.

But the Constitution didn't press its advantage, fire slackened as the machine moved away, gaining speed. The dragons quickly figured out where the fire was the weakest, and doggedly pursued down that avenue. They might not have, if they'd seen the smiles shared among the Constitution's bridge crew.

Molybdenum Blossom was vaguely disturbed that she had to depend on the many Tear Twirlers to coordinate the effort. She had expected to maintain mental control over the plant-dragons, but she'd gradually lost her mental grip on them as they moved away. It was a frustration, but a minor one.

"The Constitution has engaged our dragons," the Tear Twirler told her.

"Maintain pursuit, don't let it get away," Molybdenum told her, "Destroying it and the Big Guy will break their morale."

"It puts off the timetable, and the force attacking the ponies has taken unexpectedly heavy losses," the Tear Twirler said.

"The timetable is only for us," Molybdenum said, "We must break them, piece by piece. If it takes longer, so be it."

"As you command."

"Clear!" Spike shouted as another wave of lightning flashed down on the Schmooze. The forces were attacking the arms and eyes that were targeting and launching pieces of the Schmooze at ponies and changelings who were attacking it. Several had been hit, but the steady attacks were keeping down the accuracy of those attacks.

"It's still coming?" Sweetie Belle asked, as she was facing directly away from it, and was still scanning her sector.

"Yes," Spike said, "The bombs don't seem to be slowing it down anymore."

The creature was a bright orange now, but the last bombing had no other effect.

"How soon will it begin throwing that stuff into the city?" Applebloom asked.

"Too soon," Spike thought as he moved to where Tank and Angel were watching the battle between the Constitution and the bulk of the dragon swarm. Only flashes amid the diminishing cloud cover could be seen, and a dragon or two falling from the sky. The series of tally marks Angel kept making told Spike that it would be a while before the Constitution prevailed, but they were winning.

"Command, Constitution continues to defeat the enemy, and they are drawing the dragons away from the city," he reported and went back to pacing.

We need some new tricks, Spike thought as he watched the battle, I wish I was a full-sized dragon. Maybe I could race out there and help.

He put that thought aside and continued pacing.

Derpy overflew the depot. She couldn't believe it was empty. Those huge stacks had seemed so vast and such overkill were gone, expended on an enemy they had slowed but couldn't stop.

She looked up at the lines of pegasi, griffons and changelings still racing in to deliver blasts of painful lightning. She considered joining them. Yeah, with my luck with lightning . . . no chance, she realized.

She caught the eye of Right Wing, "I need to check out our rear flank."

"How far to our rear?" the old postman could guess what she really meant.

"About a hundred and fifty miles," she answered, "Give or take."

He nodded. "Good luck, I'll get them organized to help the lightning teams."

She nodded and raced off.

"We're pulling away from them," Sapphire reported. They'd been spreading out their fire to damage as many as they could, rather than slaughtering a handful of individual.

"Maintain course and speed," the Big Guy said, "I wish Molly B was as smart as everyone claims. I have a terrible feeling she's going to miss what we're doing and go back after the city."

"She can't possibly be that stupid," Fragrance said, "Anyone with a map and a ruler could figure out our plan."

"Never underestimate the capacity of your enemies to do the inconveniently stupid thing," the Empress told the others.

"The Constitution has begun to disengage from our dragons," Tear Twirler reported, "They have damaged many and are able to outrun those they have not killed."

"Of course," Molybdenum Blossom said, "It was a trick. They are trying to draw our dragons away from the city. The ship must be more heavily damaged than we thought."

"A decoy?" Tear Twirler said, "They weren't specifically trying to cripple rather than kill, they couldn't manage the kills?"

"Exactly," Molybdenum Blossom said, "Break off the attack. Have the dragons form up, and head back to the city. There's no point in chasing something our forces can't catch."

"Are you going to heal them?" Tear Twirler asked.

Molybdenum Blossom thought. "If I do, I will lack the strength to leave, and while the Schmooze will have little effect on me, I don't relish being trapped by its advance. While I relish the chance to see the destruction of all those ponies and their rekindled hopes, I don't intend to risk myself to do it."

Tear Twirler nodded as the message flitted through her network to reach the dragons.

Trixie watched as the dragons broke off and began forming up. She reported it, and flew the carpet where she could watch them, but they couldn't spot her back. She'd had time to examine her carpet, and the small burned patches told her that she would have to be much more cautious against this enemy.

"Don't broadcast: How's it going with the Schmooze?" she said.

The changelings glanced at each other. "They're out of bombs, and the lightning, while it hurts it, doesn't seem to be slowing it down much," the pair told her, one saying one phrase, one saying another, until they'd finished.

Trixie felt uncertain, but needed to buck up her team. "Hey, we're gonna win. I know the Big Guy, he's got another trick up his sleeve. You're going to get the autographed picture once we land."

One changeling nodded eagerly while the other facehooved.

The facehooving changeling got a thoughtful expression. "Why didn't you give that ling a picture before we took off?"

"Everypo - everyone knows if you've got a picture of your family or friends," Trixie explained, "You're the one that gets knocked off in the fight."

She wasn't sure the changeling crossed its eyes, but that was what she guessed its expression meant.

Twilight stepped up to Celestia. "I can't be positive," she said quietly, "But the Constitution appears to be no longer leading those dragons away. They're heading straight for Molybdenum Blossom's base instead of reengaging them."

"The base was always the plan," Celestia said through her frown.

Vladimir laughed at that. "True as far as it goes, but false in toto. Reengaging them would be your plan," he said, "It would never be his. Watch and learn."

Twilight looked at the table as the representation of the Constitution slowed.

"Okay, all ashore who's going ashore," the Big Guy said as the ship slowed enough for the Changelings to safely disembark. He watched through the hatches as Celly carried Dinky onto the top hull of the Constitution.

Fragrance walked up to him. He leaned down and accepted the hug from her. "Thank you," she told him, "For everything."

"DUCK!" the Empress shouted.

Derpy stopped well short of the hatch. "I've gotten a lot better," she testily told the old changeling before she also hugged the Big Guy. A moment later Dinky landed on Derpy's back, and Celly stole a kiss as she headed for the bridge.

"We've got the wounded off, and all but a skeleton crew on the ship," Sapphire said, "And I'm staying."

"Why?" the Empress asked.

Sapphire smiled sadly. "You aren't the decrepit, old thing you were a few weeks ago. Being here, rescuing your creator, and defeating Chrysalis have invigorated you. You'll have a few decades to groom a successor," Sapphire said and shrugged, "And frankly, having seen the job, I don't want it."

The Big Guy chuckled at that.

"I want to be with my herd, and right now, they need me more than the Changelings do," Sapphire said, and accepted the nuzzle from the Empress.

"You do us credit no matter where you go," the old changeling whispered, then joined the throng flying at a right angle to the ship's projected course.

The pony was surly, coarse appearance, and seemed to lack any real drive to do anything other than what it was ordered to do, and that begrudgingly. It hadn't even glared at the guards who'd practically had to drag it into the command center. It ignored Rainbow's horrified questioning and Fluttershy's gentle ministrations with equal indifference.

"I give you perfect Harmony's natural consequence," Discord told the command staff, "Will not do anything that might offend others, although it will grumble equally at a pat on the head or a kick in the ribs."

"Harmony is not like that," Celestia said.

"Harmony tempered with individuality, and differing skills and personalities is not like that. This is untempered, unrefined, and unmoderated. That's what being Schmoozed will do," Discord said, even he wouldn't close with the pony, despite his usual violation of everypony's personal space, "He got hit and fell in, that's what I pulled out. The original pony is still there, but frankly, he'd be just as happy in a hovel all alone, as in a palace surrounded by admirers."

"Are you through talking about me like I'm not here?" Spitfire asked, "And I'm a she!"

Discord stared at Celestia as if to say 'see?'

"What are we going to do?" Rainbow asked as she orbited around the transformed Wonderbolt.

"We're going to win," Vladimir said, "Or we're all going to end up like this." He turned to the guard. "Find the Captain someplace to sleep, off the common paths. If she becomes motivated enough to leave, she will."

Spitfire gave the guards a sour look and then trudged along with them.

"That's horrifying," Fluttershy said.

"That's why Sombra went insane," Shining said, "He thought he was facing that for his entire empire." Shrining stopped at that, but everyone knew the rest of that sentence.

"The Constitution reported they are under power and moving again," one of the Changelings reported.

"You aren't horrified by that?" Cadence asked the changeling.

"We'd all starve to death," the changeling said, "No emotions strong enough to feed on. Being in that state when you starve would make no difference." The changeling said and waited for Cadence's nod to return to its duties.

Cadence caught Shining's eye and the pair departed the command center.

"We have to win," Celestia said, and looked at Luna, who was peering in the direction of the Constitution. Most ponies figured out where she really wanted to be.

"We bought ourselves some time. The Schmooze is temporarily halted, gathering itself for the final push," Discord reported, "It advanced steadily while it was asleep, now that it's awake and thinking, it has taken a moment to decide how to act, instead of reacting."

"Maybe we can talk to it," Celestia said.

"Sombra tried that," Vladimir said, "On several occasions. The answers could be boiled down to 'you are food and I will eat you.' We're not dealing with a grand intellect and delicate personality. It's a thug who wants what it wants and knows how to get it."

"And what it wants is despair," Discord said, "So getting promises from it, is counterproductive, especially since we'd have to depend on its willingness to keep those promises. It's too powerful for us to enforce them." Discord bowed. "But you are certainly welcome to try. Don't worry about going 'Tyrant Sun' on us, surly apathy is the universal state of the Schmoozed. But not so apathetic that they'd starve to death. They just wouldn't care enough about anyone else in trouble, or reproducing."

Celestia frowned at that. "So in your not so subtle way you're telling me not to?"

"In my own subtle way, I'm saying 'if you do, you won't slaughter us all when you get Schmoozed'," Discord replied, "Luna and Woona can still raise the sun and moon, for as long as anyone lasts."

"Although staying buried in the Schmooze would eliminate the real problem of 'eternal night', the creature would redistribute the heat of the sun over it entire body, so life would remain possible, in so far as no one would freeze or roast to death. Do you suppose Molly B had some thermophilic plant life, or was she planning to reposition herself so that the constant light of the sun would nourish her and only her?" Vladimir asked.

"Turn us all inta that," Rainbow said and gestured at where Spitfire had gone, "Just so she could make everything that lived after ponies and everypony else just died?"

Vladimir nodded. "We aren't dealing with Discord or Tirek here."

Rainbow dashed to the balcony with Luna and shouted, "Blow her up real good!"

"Everyone eventually comes to that conclusion," Rarity said, she looked at Vladimir, "And I thought I was the only one who figured that out."

"Sombra did as well," Vladimir said, "That's when he went from being desperate and nearly insane with terror, to frighteningly calm about things."

"To the detriment of every pony in the Empire," Twilight added.

The Crystals all nodded.

Hotaru and the wolf finished destroying the escape vehicle that Molly B had planned to use. Nothing apparently wrong with it, it just no longer would work. They'd hunted down and either destroyed or booby-trapped all the secret escape routes/methods. The 'front door' was all that was left. And you'll use that last of all, Hotaru thought, And I can tell them I left her a way out, and was all ready to accept her surrender. Just because I know she'll never use it, doesn't mean those idiots won't see it as merciful.

She wanted to laugh at that as the pair of them raced around the perimeter, to be waiting if the impossible did happen.

I'm prepared for that as well, she thought, I may have to show mercy, but the lovely Geneva Convention explains what to do with false surrenders. She had to struggle mightily to not laugh at the box they had Molly B in.

Molybdenum Blossom didn't understand the data. "If they aren't turning around to go after the dragons, and they aren't moving to attack the Schmooze, where are they heading?"

"Directly towards us," Tear Twirler explained, trying not to trigger the 'kill the messenger' tendency of her master.

"But towards us makes no sense," Molybdenum Blossom raged, towering over Tear Twirler, "They would be allowing us to destroy their capital! Why would the Big Guy do that?"

"I suspect that the Big Guy is no longer in charge of the Constitution," Tear Twirler said, "Your daughter may be in command."

Molybdenum Blossom shrank back. "My daughter. My daughter," she mumbled, and the penny dropped, "What does she care about the ponies, or the city?"

The huge plant cast around, as if looking for answers in the walls of her fortress, now becoming more of a prison. "She wants me!" Molybdenum Blossom thundered, "Prepare the escape craft."

"It's been destroyed," Tear Twirler said, "We could take a cutting and - "

"Never!" Molybdenum Blossom said, "If my daughter commands, she'll still be easily cowed by me. Recall the dragons. All of them, and have them besiege the Constitution."

"They will never make it, unless you heal them all," Tear Twirler said, "That it will eliminate the chance of you fleeing."

"I will do it. And the girl will learn why and how I cowed her all those years ago," Molybdenum Blossom said.

Vladimir had been listening to Spike's and Trixie's ranging reports, while simultaneously helping get Glorious Sunrise's force reorganized and ready to drop on the dragons like a ton of bricks.

"Uh, this is Marigold," one of the changeling 'radios' reported, "The wounded on all entrained, and ready or on their way to Equestria. Uh, over."

Vladimir smiled at that. "Very well, thank you, anything else to report?"

"The other trains are ready to take anyone who wants to evacuate. We'll fill them front to and send them out full, over."

"We'll keep that in mind, call if you need troops to keep things orderly, over and out," Vladimir said. He looked up from the status board and saw Celestia passing out the Elements to their Bearers. He saw Celestia and the Bearers had missed the new, heart-marked piece had been added to the order of battle.

"Blueblood!" came Spike's frantic call, "All the dragons have turned around and are headed back the other way!"

"Confirmed, Vladimir," Trixie's 'radio' reported.

"The smile on Vladimir nee Blueblood's face would have sent shivers down Discord's spine," Discord whispered in Vladimir's ear, and materialized subtitles in 6-foot neon-green letters overhead, "Cause it did."

"You're enjoying this?" Fluttershy asked.

"You enjoyed charging with the Army of Liberation," Discord said, "I'm enjoying that Molly B is being completely outsmarted. She beat me once, without the Elements. Now she's up against the very thing she always thought she was, a good planner with a fine grasp of psychology and military strategy." He turned to Twilight. "So, do you see how he drew the dragons away from the city."

"Not just the city," Vladimir said, "All of them, those few trying to get to the lightning corps also turned and left. Wounded, and run back and forth to exhaustion, they'll be in no condition to challenge us when we sweep for them, if they survive the night."

"We still have one problem," Celestia pointed out.

"And assets to engage it," Vladimir said, "The trains are waiting, if you want to evacuate. Your Royal Car is on a siding and ready to go."

"I still think you've overestimated your chances," Celestia said.

Vladimir shrugged. "Have the inventor corps bring up those cannons." He turned to Fluttershy. "I assure you, your skunk friends are unharmed."

The yellow pegasus nodded.

"Range to the dragons?" the Big Guy asked as he paced the Constitution's bridge.

"After their acceleration, I adjusted our speed," Celly said, "They'll arrive just about when we arrive over Molly B's fortress."

The Big Guy smiled. "Okay, let's not be late," he said, "Our appointment is very important."

Molybdenum Blossom couldn't pace. Healing, then supercharging the dragons had left her utterly exhausted. "How soon will the dragons reach the Constitution and engage?"

"After it's arrived overhead," Tear Twirler said.

"More speed," the huge plant-monster shivered as she ordered it.

"They're at maximum now. We'll lose some at that rate anyway," Tear Twirler told her master.

"It was not a request, it was an order," Molybdenum Blossom said listlessly, "If they all die, and we survive, that is victory."

"The order has been sent," she said, "But if they don't attack in strength, we won't win either."

"Before you decide to think for yourself about running away," Molybdenum Blossom seemed to gain strength as she said, "You will not survive long without me, and whatever sabotaged all the escape routes, must still be out there. You would be just a morsel for such a force."

Tear Twirler nodded and withdrew.

Molybdenum Blossom stared into the distance. "And what will you do about the Schmooze, daughter dear? Gain your revenge at the cost of all your dear, dear, new friends. You and I are not so different as you wish to believe."

Fragrance saw to the loading of the wounded changelings aboard a train, but the train wouldn't leave yet. The love aura of the Crystal Republic is stronger medicine than anything that Equestria has to offer, she thought, briefly considered where she needed to go next, Vladimir would like to see me, but I think Cadence and Armor need me more. She headed back to the base of the tower, and the growing crowd of 'noncombatants' assembling there.

Glorious Sunrise led the griffons and changelings in. The griffons didn't have the magic to call lightning from the clouds, but the changelings did, once they changed to pegasi. The griffons flew distraction: fired crossbows at the huge eyes, dropped irritants, and distracted from the changelings suddenly becoming pegasi, and unleashing the heaviest lightning barrage yet.

Just the reflection off the distant mountains was painful. The Schmooze yowled like a cat losing a fight with a rocking chair. Its eyes were closed and it flailed at the attackers. Glorious Sunrise led them away to rearm and organize themselves with the rest of the force. He spotted Right Wing integrating the bombers into the lightning teams.

"This is the Xankov's own day," the griffon said, referring to a 'Murphy-spreading' creature of Griffon legend.

"We're still gonna beat'em," the pegasi replied.

"Shields," the Big Guy ordered as they slowed. There was some fire coming from the hidden fortress, but it was safely absorbed by the ship's defenses. He kept an eye on that indicator.

"Dragons," Celly reported, "They're firing."

A few lightning guns of the Constitution's massive array fired, but not many, they didn't have the crew for it.

"Full stop," the Big Guy ordered. The sound of dragon fire against the shields could now be heard. The indicator climbed.

"Visual to tactical," Sapphire announced and the main screen changed from the view outside, to the representation of the Constitution, the base, and the horde of plant-dragons.

"Soon," Celly said and she too watching the tactical and shield indicators.

Nightmare Moon had never run from anything before in her life, but she saw no reason to stand on ceremony. The wolf was behind her. She stopped. "I'm an idiot," she said and the pair vanished. To reappear in the command center.

"CLEAR!" she shouted and the pair of them dragged Luna out of the balcony.

"Ninety," Celly reported, "Ninety-one, two, three."

The dragon fire was falling almost continuously on them.

"Five, six," Celly reported.

"Invert the lower shield!" the Big Guy ordered.

The stored power of the Constitution's shields vented straight down, all the dragon fire and other attacks in a single massive pulse. The closest thing Equestria had seen to a thermonuclear weapon pelted down on Molybdenum Blossom's base.

Stone flashed to vapor and the spells woven through them burned away like dew. The horrific experiments incandesced, becoming vaporous ash. As the bolt burned down through every defense known to ancient Three Kingdoms' magic and technology, the complex began reradiating the heat. The ground around the base vitrified to glass meters thick, sealing the entire crater in a mass of a greenish glass shot through with carbon forms normally found in space as a result of stellar cataclysms. But the heat went up as well as down, and the weakening spells forcing the clouds into solid matter were boiled away as well. The lower shield offered a few moments of resistance even as the spells and mechanisms generating it burned away to nothing. The upper shield dumped all that power back down before it too faded, creating a second pulse that burned through the remains of the fortress and superheating its deepest catacombs. But then there was nothing to restrain the outflow, and the noise and shockwave raced out. The armada of plant-dragons joined the fate of everything else in that hellish pulse: heated to boil off anything that would vaporized and residue and vapor combusted. Nothing escaped the double pulse into the earth, or the rising heat from below.

Half a mile wide and nearly as deep, Molybdenum Blossom and her legacy were burned from Equestria leaving an impressive grave marker. But even that would be denied her. The marker would become a monument to others.

"What's the condition of the Tear Twirler we have in the cells?" Vladimir asked, and a guard raced off to find out. He swept the room. "We still have the Schmooze to fight."

"They're gone," Celestia said as she stared out the window towards where the Constitution and Molybdenum Blossom were immolated. The hot wind and noise that passed through seemed to echo her sentiment.

"Maybe they teleported?" Twilight said as she and others arrived at the balcony.

"How far can you teleport, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, "And carrying how many? She wouldn't have left Derpy and Dinky, and how many others aboard."

Twilight looked back at Vladimir. "Why?"

"No one else could," Vladimir said, "And that is what needed to be done. Not just Molybdenum Blossom but a thousand plagues awaiting her order, or failure to order, to release on Equestria, the Crystal Republic, the Griffon and Minotaur Kingdoms, or anywhere else. That all had to be burned clean."

"And you let him?" Rarity asked.

"How was I or anyone going to stop him?" Vladimir asked, "He was my friend, but I couldn't do what needed doing. I couldn't in good conscience stop him. You had to threaten the same to bring those librarians to heel, and they hadn't had a millennium to prepare their vengeance if they were attacked. Look at what they managed in weeks, if Discord hadn't intervened, it would have worked."

"So you let him march out and -" Rainbow Dash said as she cocked a hoof to clout Vladimir.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Green Grass ordered, "You don't know enough about what's happening here to even form an opinion, let alone start laying blame." She marched over to confront the Bearers. "If you can't behave as civilized guests, I'll have the lot of you thrown in irons and you can discuss the weather with the pony who tried to steal your ill-guarded Elements." She focused on Rainbow. "And most don't know, but I'm well aware of your 'get him out of Ponyville' sympathies. So don't try your crocodile tears on us now that he's gone. You got your wish, now choke on it."

The almost gleeful roar from outside, from the Schmooze told everyone that it had sensed not their discord, but their despair.

"Easy, Captain," Vladimir said, "That will not honor his memory." He looked around at the command staff who were coming to grips with what the victory had cost them.

"Mares and stallions stop your dreaming, can't you see their spear points gleaming," he sang as he waved for others to join in, "See their warrior pennants streaming to this battlefield."

"Mares and stallions stand ye steady," he sang and was joined in ones and twos, "It cannot be ever said ye, for the battle were not ready," he sang.

"Crystals, never yield," they sang back.

The penny had dropped for the griffons a lot quicker than it had for the ponies. Then again, heroic sacrifice against a powerful foe was well-woven into the griffon sagas, but the sagas left out why the drink flowed freely among the survivors for days afterwards.

Glorious Sunrise was smiling, not at the loss, but that the Big Guy had prepared them, even for this. As the griffons had realized their strongest pillar had been broken, and lost heart, Glorious Sunrise had taken up the brag-song that Cadence had sung.

" 'But I rise from my feet you can't beat me. Oh, and that's why I gotta stay, and that's why I gotta say."

" 'I'm undefeated,'" some of the griffons and changelings sang back.

" 'And standing tall. I don't want to be the loser,'" the general sang and waved a claw at the Schmooze, " 'When the winner take it all.'"

Many of the griffons had joined in, and with that, a dispirited mob had gone back to being the most powerful army the world had ever seen.

Glorious Sunrise looked at the Schmooze as its eyes and mouths filled with confusion. It had surged forward at the call of such a buffet of despair, but now someone had snatched the tables away. Complain all you like, the old griffon said as he heard a dozen songs rising from the city behind him, We have ways to deal with the likes of you.

Tom collected the statues from their hideyhole, and moved over the volcano that had either spawned the Schmooze, or was its gateway onto the surface. The individuals cast in stone were among the more reprehensible tyrants, psychotics, and perversions of the ancient days. Megalomaniacs all, just differing on who and how their victims suffered. Some had been part of Nightmare's abortive coup, and had met the Big Guy, only to fall into his trap.

Fall into, how appropriate, he thought as he awaited the signal to add these to the mix.

The inventors' corps' sang 'The Impossible Dream' behind their protective facemasks and bodysuits as their last weapon fired. Dozens of guns whose last use had been firing rotten apples. Now they used carefully harvested skunk juice, mixed with poison oak. The gun crews were in full bodysuits with airlines. No one wanted to actually breathe the fumes.

The fusillade was swift, and the crews abandoned the weapons once they'd been safed.

"Paisley's a good look for that thing, brother mine," Flim said as the utterly silent Schmooze stood stock still, covered with an ever-changing paisley pattern.

"I couldn't agree more," Flam replied, "A victory for science and a blow against conventional fashion sense."

"You may fire when ready," Celestia had told them, both to give permission, and to distracted them from their first sighting of the Schmooze and the almost crippling paralysis that gripped most ponies on seeing it.

Twilight and Fluttershy shook themselves loose first. Pinky started moving a moment later, but kept looking back at it with horror. Applejack 'woke up' after she backed into Rarity and reflexively apologized.

Rarity stared open-mouthed at the vision of the variegated coloring of the monster.

"Rarity?" Rainbow asked as she noticed her friend's distress.

"I can't decide if that's a bold statement, or a fashion disaster," Rarity replied and ignored the facehooves all around, "Oh well, a question for the ages."

The glow from their Elements filled the command center.

The rainbow raced out and struck the Schmooze dead on.

The still-paisley Schmooze absorbed it, then stared straight at the tower.

"WHAT!?" Rainbow shouted, "Oh come on!"

Use the Force, Tom, he thought, Let go, Tom.

"Okay," Tom said as he released the statues, and disrupted the spells that held many of them in stone. Live ponies and other things had a few moments to consider their freedom, before they dropped into the Schmooze.

"You're welcome," Tom called, and fled at his best speed.

The army was scattering, the Elements had sent a message no one was going to ignore. Discord raced to join the circle of ponies and others surrounding the Crystal Heart. Ponies of all types, Griffons, Changelings, and a smattering of the other races of Equestria.

Discord considered a quip, but felt the moment was wrong. Instead he focused on his friends, and his rivals. He wasn't sure he could love them, but he could appreciate them, and wished them well. He hoped that would be enough.

Neither Cadence nor Shining Armor said anything, words were unnecessary. The Schmooze could be seen, everything else had been thrown into the battle, only the Crystal Heart remained. They bowed their heads and the Heart glowed with inner light.

The field the emanated from the Heart slammed into the Schmooze, and to the Schmooze's utter amazement, pushed it back.

Although from its expression, I don't think staying would be first choice, Discord watched as the Schmooze changed from begin forced back, to desperately using the 'tailwind' to escape. The other effect of 'crystallizing' the Crystal Ponies, other ponies, griffons and Changelings worried Discord for a moment, At least it left me out. Being encased in stone isn't something I even want reminders of.

"The volcano is sealed," came Tom's broadcast from the Schmooze's source, "We won."

Cheers came from the Crystal Ponies. Cheers that faltered as they realized what their twin victories had cost. The Crystals looked around nervously, especially those around Cadence, Shining and Discord.

"Celebrate your freedom, and your future," Discord told them, "That is what his sacrifice was for, and you'd honor him by doing so."

The explanation and the cheering spread. Discord was not in a cheering mood. He understood why, perhaps too well. There are things adults have to do, Discord thought as he returned to the command center, And costs to those actions.

Some of those celebrating couldn't bring themselves to cheer. 'To dream, the impossible dream,' began and spread across the city, allowing those who couldn't find it in themselves to cheer, could celebrate alongside the others.

The 'Observer Corps' was getting a mix of hugs and scolding from their siblings or owners. Vladimir had retired from the room. Celestia seemed torn between following him, and remaining with her sister, who had returned to staring out the balcony at the cloud of dust in the distance.

He nodded to her and gestured towards Luna, who already had Woona trying to console her and Selene. Celestia joined them. Discord noted a very disheveled Spitfire entering the room, a bit worse for wear from being Schmoozed, but something she'd recover from. Discord climbed to the top of the tower where all the telescopes lay uncrewed. He watched the celebration spread across the town, and knew that word would spread across the world.

"I would think you'd be out in the middle of the party," Tom said as he arrived.

"Just waiting for you to show up," Discord said, "And frankly, I'm a little partied out."

Tom nodded. "I'm going to go check, and make sure we got her, and all her little dragons too." With that, he was gone. Discord watched as the cheering again subsided, and many ponies broke down in tears while many others joined the song. There wasn't much damage to the structures close to the city. We'll have to survey the structures farther out, he thought, And we'd better keep the rumors of any libraries or even bibliophiles' homesteads from spreading to Equestria. Sad that none of the ponies from that time survived the long years being in stasis after being Schmoozed. That would have put an interesting spin on things. He pondered that. Why did the ponies outside the Schmooze survive, but those inside go away? The answer came to him, along with what happened to all the children, and he put that thought in a very deep, dark dungeon. I don't want to be able to think like that, he resolved, I'll give the trains the all-clear signal that they can bring the evacuees home. I'll leave the destination of the wounded in the medical experts' hooves.

He vanished to complete his mission.

Tear Twirler's last plant clone pounded on the cell door. "Can you shut that blasted mare up!?" She looked at the mare on the floor of the next cell, endlessly begging for forgiveness, offering apologies, and excuses.

"Fine, I forgive you," Tear Twirler said, "NOW SHUT UP!!"

Wait, she tried to steal the Elements? Tear Twirler thought as she briefly focused on the mare's ramblings, I can use this.

The door opening was unwelcome on the tail of this revelation.

"You want to be moved," Shining Armor said, flanked by three alicorns, "We're moving you. It seems we're going to need something new in the statue garden. There's plenty of sunshine and quiet."

"What happened to all the statues?" Tear Twirler said and glanced back at the delayed opportunity.

Shining looked at Celestia, who shook her head. "You have no need to know," Armor told her.

As she looked back, trying to burn the thief's appearance into her mind, she saw Blueblood entering the mumbling mare's cell.

"Hello, Sunset. Welcome home," the Equestrian poof said, before a corner broke line of sight with the scene.

Sunset Shimmer focused on the unicorn she almost recognized. "Prince Blueblood?" she said, "What is this? Old home week? I met Cadence, now Princess Cadence, and heard Celestia, now you? Who else? Eagle Bell, your mother, or that irritating Fancy Pants?"

"You're in the Crystal Republic, formerly Sombra's long-lost Crystal Empire," Vladimir said, "He's dead by the way. As for whom, well, there's Celestia's sister, who was formerly possessed by Nightmare Moon, there's Nightmare Moon, now known as Hotaru, who was the wolf who caught you." He smiled at Sunset's shying on that reminder. "Discord was freed, reimprisoned, then released as part of a gambit by Nightmare to mass all of Equestria's great villains into one force. He sided with a mole in the organization, to deliver all those enemies into the hooves of the Elements of Harmony and accepted reimprisonment. But not before he created a thoroughly gentlestallionly version of himself as an offspring. There was an attack on Canterlot by a faction of the Changelings under Chrysalis, opposed by many other changelings, the ponies of Ponyville and the Royal Guard. Discord freed himself during that battle and dealt with Chrysalis, while another unicorn dealt with the bulk of Chrysalis' army. They discovered the lost capital of the Unicorn Kingdom, recovered all the books of the Lost Library of Equipolis. I was exiled from Canterlot by Celestia. There were another pair, Celestia and Luna, going by Celly and Woona, from another dimension. Luna is here, Woona in Canterlot. A villain lost in the mists of time named Molybdenum Blossom raised her head, and recent had it chopped off. A race of sentient trees in the Everfree has been rediscovered and diplomacy is on going."

Vladimir noted the look of horror on Sunset's face. He smiled and continued, "The Schmooze, a country-eating monster whose existence drove King Sombra insane was freed as a consequence of freeing the Crystal Empire, and recently dispatched with its tail between its legs, figuratively speaking, back to sulk in its volcano home. A huge city-sized plant monster was discovered and destroyed outside the Castle of the Pony Sisters. And an alien with a house full of alien technologies and literature arrived, and spearheaded the battle against all these villains."

"That all happened since I left?" Sunset demanded.

"Most of that happened in the last 25 weeks," Vladimir said, "Your replacement did some of it. The alien did a lot of it in the last 12 weeks." He considered. "Yes, your betrayal and departure was so traumatic, Celestia had another filly in your place in . . . 60 days, no, it was 43. I remember because that was about the time I tried to make friends with her, and the new shining star showed up to make everything all better. She's a dutiful mare, never questions Celestia, goes into danger without backtalk or introspection, she doesn't ask embarrassing or difficult questions, she just does what she's told. Celestia considers her a significant improvement."

Sunset snorted. "She would," Sunset said.

"Now you have a choice, and if you're thinking about betrayal, I suggest you take the easy option and go beg Celestia to get back to Equestria, she'll forgive you, there'll be a party with balloons and ice cream, and you can go back to your old ways."

Sunset frowned, her ears plastered against her head. "Thrilling. What's the other option?"

"The hard option, the very hard option, is you stay here, and learn friendship with us. Another agile mind and problem solver would be welcome."

"Friendship," Sunset said as she rolled her eyes, "Celestia taught me all about it."

"Celestia wouldn't know real friendship if it bit her sun-emblazoned ass," Vladimir said sharply, "To actually learn friendship, your replacement had to be shipped off to a farming town on the edge of the Everfree Forest, where most of the locals are completely crazy."

"Sounds familiar," Sunset replied.

"The point is, it worked," Vladimir said, "An alien unlike anything we'd ever seen landed on the outskirts of town, and was immediately befriended by a pony family, said alien was gathered into Nightmare's villain team-up, and out of friendship, subverted it, brought Discord along and taught him about friendship, who brought the disaffected Changelings into alliance against Chrysalis' invasion, broke Nightmare Moon by trapping her in a place of horrors beyond your imagination for the alien to rescue and befriend her."

"I know about more horrors than you think," Sunset told him.

"Reading about them is very different than living through them," Vladimir said, "Then the whole lot of us broke the spell on the Crystal Empire, set up barriers to forestall the Schmooze, invaded to drive off the last of Sombra's followers, used Molybdenum Blossom's infiltrators to destroy any faith the locals had in a monarchy so we could establish a republic, brought in still more friends to hammer the Schmooze into position so we could hit it with the knockout blow. That's been in 12 weeks, that's the real magic of friendship. A band of disparate entities all working together for a general goal. Friendship, real friendship, remade the world in less than the time it takes the seasons to change. The question is: do you want to be part of that? Or go back to the pit of grinning snakes that is Canterlot?"

"I suspect that if I went with you, and betrayed you, I'd wind up at the bottom of a hole I could never climb out of," Sunset said.

"Probably due to its depth rather than the finality of your condition," Vladimir said, "But essentially correct. We face adult problems, and deal with them with adult solutions."

Sunset nodded. "The farm town sound like my best option," Sunset said, "I can't make the promise you'd need. My one shining example, has feet of clay. I will always be looking out for me. I'm not ready to be part of a group. Even the 'band of brothers' you describe." She shook her head. "You and Shining Armor on the same side, I've seen some pretty weird aliens in my time, but that I have a hard time even visualizing."

"Be warned, the alien and their home may be like nothing even your experience has prepared you for. If you do go to Ponyville, I have one warning, there are no wasted ponies there. However frivolous or simple they seem, everyone there earns their keep. Unlike Canterlot where a family's reputation trades more than current accomplishments, there you earn your daily bread."

"So I'm free to go?" Sunset asked.

"You'll be escorted to the train station. Once you're in Ponyville, you'll have the magic blocker removed. You'll still have a criminal record here, but the sentence is banishment."

"And here it would have been community service?" she asked.

"Imprisonment, and a work program, in the library of the old Unicorn Kingdom," Vladimir said, "But there's the alien's library in Ponyville, so your quest for power can continue there."

"You were a foal when I left, how do you know about that?" Sunset asked.

"You were an excellent negative example," Vladimir said, "If Celestia was hiding so much of what even I knew about her powers from you, then what could anypony accept from her at face value? None of us would ever be ready for all we'd need to do and to be adults."

Sunset nodded. Vladimir signaled for the guard. He was disappointed in Sunset, but not surprised. When you grow up a bit more, you'll long for that foalhood innocence, he thought, 'Feet of clay', where have I heard that?

Day 91

Celestia had to struggle to keep her expression somber and severe. Jackpot Venture and Smoky Bolt had 'revealed' that Pinkie Pie was actually something like Discord, creating ponies, families, perhaps even entire towns out of thin air.

"What will happen if she decides she doesn't like us anymore?" Jackpot nearly shouted.

"What happens if she decides we're merely an annoyance and does away with us?" Smoky Bolt added, "It might be that's what really happened to the Three Kingdoms. That they never existed, she just created all the history for us and we'd never know."

When he heard the snicker, Smoky Bolt turned on the smirking noble, Glory Belle. "Can you prove you aren't just a figment of the imagination of some capricious force? Can you prove you're real?"

Glory was clearly considering offering direct, empirical evidence, but held off. Instead she gasped, "You mean nopony told you?" She held out a card she finally understood why Discord had handed her and all the Equestrians who'd been part of the battle in any form. "You don't have one of these?" The card read, in very large type 'This one's real.' Celestia, Spitfire, Eagle Belle, and dozens of others held out their own card.

"You're right," Glory said, "You aren't real. I'm very sorry for you."

Celestia gestured and Red Shirt escorted the utterly stunned and horrified pair out and to a cell. "Sir Eagle Belle, as insanity defenses go," Celestia said, "That was a more inspired one."

Many of the nobles started smirking and nodded, finally getting it, so they thought. Most knew the front of the card said 'Veteran of the Battle of the Crystal Republic'. Only a few understood the front of the card was the camouflage, the back was the pay off.

"I do wonder if they will take a lifetime of commitment in an asylum over the years they'd spend in prison," Eagle Belle said.

"The question is, do they believe their own words," Celestia said, "So sad if they've lost their wits so much."

"Tragic," Eagle Belle added.

Day 93

Pinky had been working her hooves to the bone. Glorious Sunrise had been a welcome shoulder to lean on, and the griffons seemed to have a better grasp of what this needed to be than any of her friends. When was the last time they had to have a somber party? But this is no Grand Galloping Gala, she vowed silently, and consulted the notes the Big Guy had left behind and smiled, Not that there won't be a lot of laughter. Strange thing, laughing at a funeral/wake, but it is what he set up.

"It's done," Discord said, as he arrived, "I thought if we were going to 'piss on Molly B's grave' there could hardly be a better way."

Pinky giggled. Then gave Discord a hug. "You didn't do anything wrong," she told him, "You all knew what would be needed, and you did it. It's perfectly normal to be sad, but understand it isn't your fault."

Discord nodded and headed to his quarters. All the people in the Republic had been celebrating in a restrained matter, until Shining and Cadence had read the proclamation that the Big Guy and Celly had generated, basically ordering them to celebrate their victory and their freedom, that a time of mourning had been scheduled. The celebration had picked up, but there were still a lot of somber faces.

Rarity poked her head in the office and took it all in. "Twilight would never believe you could be this organized," she teased.

"It is a party," Pinkie said, "And can't be done slap dash."

"Well, our rehearsal is in 10 minutes, so I came to remind you," Rarity said.

"Got it," Pinkie said, "I almost can believe what it would take to do all that. Maybe that's why the play, and why this display. When you have to go on, you go on."

Sand Cobra watched the bodyguard of the Emperor arrive around them. The security detachment looked at her, and Glorious Mystery. Their contempt was manifest.

"What makes you think either of you two deserve an audience with His Highness?" the head guard asked, "A skulker, and a bookworm."

Glorious Mystery shrugged, and Sand Cobra felt her stomach drop.

"Oh, maybe because we fought in the Battle of The Crystal Republic," Glorious Mystery said and cocked his head, "And who are you?"

The guard commander blanched at that and stepped aside. Discord's little speech about those who served having the trump card was coming true. The outdoor pavilion was filled with dozens of griffons, near the center, under guard, was Glorious Sunrise. The Emperor looked on with trepidation.

"What makes you think I should let you return?" the Emperor said, and looked around nervously, trying to gain strength from the army, but clearly doubting which side the troops would come down on.

"Your Highness," the old griffon said, "I did not come here to request my right to return, but for two fledglings who served the empire well." He somehow picked Glorious Mystery and Sand Cobra out of the crowd. "I intend to return to Ponyville, and perhaps write my memoirs, and a few tactical manuals. I would consider it a - personal favor, to a retiring, faithful general, to allow them to return."

The Emperor looked to be building up to a screech, when he realized that the old general was basically telling him he didn't want the Emperor's job, not that he couldn't take it if he wished, and masterful general that he was, he was letting the Emperor 'banish' him yet remain magnanimous.

"I will honor your reasonable request, considering your retirement," the Emperor said and relented.

The old general nodded, seeing that the pair understood each other. Some of the senior generals, who had been considering scheming against the Emperor, but not without a figurehead/scapegoat, looked disappointed.

"The greatest power of friendship," Glorious Sunrise said, "Knowing how helping your true friends, can cut your real enemies to the quick."

The Emperor looked at his aghast general staff, the grin he gave Glorious Sunrise was genuine this time.

"So tell us the tale. I never met the Ponyville Monster, yet you served alongside him," the Emperor said, "There is much to learn about things, I think."

Glorious Sunrise bowed. "By your command." He motioned Mystery and Sand Cobra forward. "The enemy was unlike any living being had ever faced." The old general would unwind the tale slowly, part intelligence briefing, part boast, and a warning about those thinking that the Crystal Republic was ripe for the taking.

Twilight loaded the parchment onto the creaking wagon, and marched off to interview another survivor, this one, the Changeling Empress, who'd been aboard the Constitution until the 'Death Ride', as it was being called.

Spike trotted along, occasionally steadying the towering, teetering stacks of notes. Twilight hadn't asked him about his actions. The cobbler's children have no shoes, he thought and any resentment about being ignored died, Besides, when I publish my book . . . He fought to stop grinning. It was half done, and was entirely from his perspective and was a straight chronology, so he hadn't needed to do anything like the interviews and interpolations Twilight was doing and would have to do. He was content. It'll also smooth the way, since I'll already know the pitfalls of publishing before Twilight needs to know them.

Discord had done a masterful job. The wide stairway down into the pit was cut with pictures of the fallen. Not just those lost in the death ride, but other ponies who'd expired during the battle. And in a brilliant bit of irony, the cenotaph specifically said, 'We cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave souls who struggled here have hallowed it far beyond our poor power to add or detract.' Molybdenum Blossom would be remembered along with the diseases and living traps she had created, only as a target. She was not referenced on the Cenotaph anywhere.

The ceremony began with an a cappella choral rendition of 'Mares and Stallions' by singers of all the races and subgroups who'd taken part in the battle. Followed by several of the other songs the various factions had learned. Hotaru and Trixie sang Amazing Grace to the accompaniment of Discord on bagpipes.

Luna and Selene took the stage and sang and ancient pony song that had been written about the pony sisters, while they sang they showed pictures of Celly studying, fighting, cuddling with her herdmates, and in the end looking into the dawn of a new day.

Vladimir, Cadence, Shining Armor and Woona sang a foalhood song about mirrors, while showing Sapphire and other changelings, rescuing Celestia during the battle of Canterlot, rescuing Twilight, fighting Chrysalis, and changing to the music that accompanied it, the charge against Sombra's army.

Right Wing and several of the Inspectors and Trainers carried a picture of Derpy onto the stage. There they sang the Post Office's unofficial anthem 'Couriers and Their Appointed Rounds.' As they finished, they flipped the picture over, displaying Derpy with Dinky, Derpy wearing a Chief Postmaster's hat and the gold medal, the highest award the service gave.

Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy climbed onto the podium. Rarity lifted the containers of glitter while light played over them. The glitter formed images. They sang, "It's been a long road, getting from there to here."

The image was of a young man on a farm. Other than species, Big Mac or Applejack could have been exchanged, only a look of worry towards the horizon marked him as different.

"It's been a long time, but my time is finally near." The young man and dozens of other were boarding a train with suitcases or rucksacks, proud and worried parents and siblings waved to them as they headed out.

"And I will see my dream come alive at last." The man and others stood in ordered ranks, clad as soldiers as they boarded an immense ship, one of many in the harbor. The man stared intently at the aircraft that flew above them. "I will touch the sky."

The training was a good deal more violent than ponies received, even the griffons rustled with discomfort. "And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna change my mind."

The man rode in the small boats through the rough seas approaching a coastline. "Cause I've got faith of the heart." He and about a dozen others bailed out and charged through the surf and into combat. "I'm going where my heart will take me."

The fighting did not go well. Many of the small group were cut down all around him. "I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."

Carrying a wounded comrade, he reboarded a boat and helped get it off the beach and headed home. The boy had aged noticeably in the short time. "I've got strength of the soul." The hard eyes looked back at the coast and those watching could feel the vow of 'I shall return'. "And no one's gonna bend or break me."

He was back in training, no longer a boy, but a man and a warrior. "I can reach any star." He looked over the side of the ship, part of an armada that beggared the imagination. "I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart." Again his hard eyes tracked the aircraft flying over them, and for a moment he smiled.

The same figure, in a white shirt and tie working in front of a drafting table. What was there looked like an elaborate arrowhead. "It's been a long road, getting from there to here." Then design in metal, it was very large. "It's been a long time, but my time is finally near."

Teams painstakingly went over the beautiful vehicle, and soon it took to the air. "And I can feel the change in the wind right now." The aircraft showed the shockwaves of a rainboom, and still accelerated. "Nothing's in my way." The tests put the aircraft through its paces.

"And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna hold me down." The aircraft had a slab of metal like a giant cleaver slice through the vehicle. Some people watching wept, others couldn't watch. But a familiar pair of hard eyes watched them and had already come to a conclusion. The warrior had returned, if ever so briefly.

Endless forms, and discussions with bureaucrats and fellow engineers. "Cause I've got faith of the heart." The welcoming of the man to a team, and the image of what looked like a giant bug. "I'm going where my heart will take me."

The bug was large, and the man worked with the team on a thousand blueprints, talking with the workers building it, and attending tests of it. "I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."

The huge black and white striped rocket thundered off the pad and into the heavens. "I've got strength of the soul." The bug descended to the gray surface of another planet. Landing safely. "And no one's gonna bend or break me."

The head of the bug rocketed back off the alien world. "I can reach any star." The three huge, bright orange parachutes brought the conical spaceship to a successful splash down. "I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart." While others whooped and hollered. The man quietly shook the hands of the team, they knew what they'd accomplished.

Another black and white rocket launched. The violence of the explosion in the serenity of space was all the more jarring. "It's been a long night." The man and the team were going over drawings, paperwork, and models of the bug. "Trying to find my way." With an incredibly complicated blueprint, he went over it with a couple of the workers.

"Been through the darkness." The man and others were before a diagram of the two-piece bug, the cone and the cylindrical section that had exploded. The path simplified the route from one planet to another, but no one trivialized that distance or the difficulty. "Now I finally have my day."

The man, a team of engineers and workers were looking at the model of the bug's engine. The hard eyes were back, but saving lives, not threatening them. "And I will see my dream come alive at last." The conical section approached a blue-white planet that seemed to scream 'home' "I will touch the sky." The flames that surrounded it obscured it for a moment.

"And they're not gonna hold me down no more." The familiar trio of bright orange parachutes as the conical section landed again in the ocean. The celebration in the background was almost pony-like, but the man just radiated satisfaction. "No they're not gonna change my mind."

It was a different bug, instead of a gray surface it sat on, it was red. "Cause I've got faith of the heart." The man was older, and the bug was definitely much smaller. "I'm going where my heart will take me." The apparent path for this bug was much longer. The blue-white and gray planet for the earlier bug was a corner of the plaque. The red planet was the goal.

"I've got faith to believe." The rocket was different from the other, but it raced into the heavens. "I can do anything."

"I've got strength of the soul." The bug landed on the red planet. "And no one's gonna bend or break me." The people in the office were ecstatic when the first pictures from the bug of the red world were received.

"I can reach any star." The man was old now, and was indicating the path of another device to a room full of younger men and women, flying far past the red planet, and seemingly out of the system of planets. "I've got faith, faith of the heart."

He was a young man again, in uniform, saluting to a field of crosses that would have dwarfed Sweet Apple Acres. "I've known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days."

The old man stood before a group of youngsters. Diagrams of the bugs and the planets behind him as he held them enthralled. "But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change."

Surrounded by family as a very old man, he silently received a folded flag. He seemed broken for the first time. "I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain. But I'll be fine."

He looked at himself, younger, and Ponyville outside the windows of his house. "Cause I've got faith of the heart. I'm going where my heart will take me."

A discussion with Discord, the two seeming to argue, but as friends. "I've got faith to believe. I can do anything."

Working with Pinkie on her flyer. Pointing out a few things while Pinkie stared open-mouthed at him. "I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me."

Fighting the plant monsters. "I can reach any star." The plan to defeat the bandits. "I've got faith."

"I've got faith of the heart." Snuggling with Derpy and Dinky, who seemed to love him as much as he cared for them. "I'm going where my heart will take me." Showing Dinky the engineering books and her rapt fascination with them.

"I've got strength of the soul." Studying at the ancient library. "And no one's gonna bend or break me." Planning the defense of Canterlot with Vladimir, Trixie and the changelings.

He was back as an aged human, with a much smaller human on his shoulders. Before them was an arrowhead-shaped craft bolted to an orange tank and two rockets. "I can reach any star." The assembly roared off the launch pad and into the heavens while the little one pointed and yammered excitedly. "I've got faith, I've got faith." The rockets, then the tank fell away as the arrowhead-shaped craft headed into the blackness of space. "Faith of the heart." The craft approached a spindly-looking assembly of pipes and panels, and docked to it.

Images of other beings like the Big Guy playing and doing experiments, in space. "It's been a long road."

Epilogue

Several large ponies played with a group of similar aged hippogriff chicks. A very pregnant Fluttershy rested on her couch while Pinkie Pie kept an eye on the kids. Angel, a female rabbit and several younger ones served tea. A rather nervous and thoroughly scrubbed minotaur bounty hunter/detective sat across the living room table from Fluttershy.

"I'm afraid I must return your money, I couldn't find them," the minotaur said, "But I was able to track their trail. But as soon as the products or processes went on general sale, they sold the company to the employees and were gone. Also, the pattern was occurring with overlapping time frames in different countries," the big minotaur said as she laid out photos, diagrams, and a few example of the 'weird inventions' that had cropped up, scattered all over, over the last few years. "I could examine every start up across the entire planet, but that would be horrifically expensive and require an army. And I suspect the one or two I missed would be them."

"That does sound like them," Fluttershy said, "I expect you to keep enough of the advance to cover your expenses, properly itemized of course."

"Of course," the minotaur said and set down several typewritten pages of items and their cost, along with the balance of the earnest money Fluttershy had paid a month ago.

"I suspect that these ghosts are staying out of sight for a good reason," the minotaur said, drank the rest of the tea before her, and stood, "They may step out of the shadows when they are ready, but until then, a paranormal detective may be a better choice."

"Thank you." Fluttershy nodded as the minotaur took her leave.

She was just out of view of the cottage, when she was surrounded by Royal Guards. "I was not bounty hunting in Equestria," she told them, "I was reporting to a client. I have my papers in my satchel, if you'd care to examine them."

"I think we just want to talk," Celestia said as she stepped into the clearing. She looked at the minotaur hard, not a glare, but searchingly.

The bounty hunter raised her hands, but otherwise stood very still.

"After all this time," Celestia asked as she circled the minotaur, "Am I still such a source of fear?"

"Your Highness, you are the sovereign, and they are your guards, " the bounty hunter said, "You have made your opinion of bounty hunters quite plain in the past, and you are here in person and in force. There are obvious conclusions a simple minotaur can draw."

Celestia stepped in front of the minotaur. "That isn't what I meant and you know it."

"Apologies, I can't help you," the minotaur said.

Celestia paced in front of the minotaur. "It's more than the inventions, processes, materials that are cropping up. There's new magic," Celestia said as she stopped in front of the bounty hunter, "Improvements to the Zebrafrican postal system? Yet nothing in Equestria, why?"

"I had thought that Premier Fragrance and her husband were generating many of those with the Crystal's Inventors' Corps," the minotaur said. She kept her hands raised, but watched both Celestia, and the guards.

"Not all of them," Celestia said, "So, you are a bounty hunter, how do you tell a fugitive that it is safe to return to a place? My entreaties to Vladimir fall on deaf ears; invitations, private notes, supplications, even invitations to share the Royal Box at the Equestria Games in the Crystal Republic are politely but firmly turned aside. But there are others who should know that there is no headpony awaiting their return."

"Perhaps they do not view coming to Equestria as 'returning'," the bounty hunter said carefully, "And as for the Premier and her husband, weren't they competing in the polo matches? Athletes of that caliber need to be ruthless in their focus. His team's clean sweep of the gold medals clearly shows where his mind was at the Equestria Games."

"I just want them to know they can come home," Celestia said.

"Highness, with respect, home is where your family is," the minotaur said, "Not an address or even a nation. If people do not wish to come to Equestria that is their choice, and has little bearing on the crown, or the pony wearing it."

Celestia frowned, but nodded. "I apologize for detaining you," she said and signaled the guards to accompany her away.

The minotaur stood in the location for at least ten minutes, then used every trick she knew to detect and foil a tail. Finally, she arrived at a wagon and a little campsite deep in the forest. "It's good to be home," she said, before transforming into Trixie again.

"Earned your bits," the Sphinx said, "I never expected Celestia."

"Next time they want a message delivered, let the mail mare do it," Trixie said and shook herself, "That was a performance I don't want a curtain call on."

The pair entered the wagon and set about planning the next leg of their trip.

1) Arrival

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Arrival

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Despite what people say, anywhere can have earthquakes, he thought as he picked himself out from under the bed after the shaking stopped. After two years in Los Angeles, he knew the proper routine after an earthquake. Shut off the gas, shut off the water, and check for collapsed buildings in the area. Got more than enough food to last a . . .

"While." He stopped in front of the French doors as he looked out onto his backyard. The tomato plants, the roses, the apple and cherry tree were still there, but the back fence wasn't. And what was there instead, convinced him he'd hit his head harder than he thought. Not only were the colors all wrong, the overall shapes were all wrong.

He shook his head and continued to the gas meter. It seemed intact, but he shut it off anyway. Circling outside the house, he was glad to see it hadn't suffered any real damage. The next problem was that the in-ground box that let him shut off the water was apparently left behind. Where it used to be, was part of the technicolor landscape. Then it occurred to him. The lights were still on inside, he thought as he returned back inside. The security system status lights were on, and no 'no power' alarm was lit. He flipped on the switch for the living room, and the concealed fixtures bounced light off the white ceiling and flooded the room with light.

Something's not right here, he thought.

The terrified scream made things even less right.

Little girl, he thought and moved towards the door. Then stopped. This isn't home, and there may be no cops here for hours. If there even are cops. He ran back into the house to get some boots, and something more than moral authority to deal with the problem.

He selected the SKS for two reasons, one, he could drive tacks with it at 50 yards, and two, it had a bayonet on the end, giving him more options. The .45 in a holster at the small of his back gave him a back up. An old binocular case around his waist held some 10 stripper clips for the SKS and five magazines for the .45. If I need more than that, I'm in trouble, he thought as he tied the steel-toed work boots. Them giving him another option if he needed it.

Locating the source of the scream took surprisingly little time. Understanding the source of the scream added some. The creatures involved look like they were out of Wizards crossed with Bakshi's Lord of the Rings: gray skin and fangs, ragged clothes and misshapen limbs. Their victims were even weirder, two little unicorns, both blonde manes and pale-violet bodies with yellow eyes. One had a horseshoe mark on its flank, the other was blank. The blank-flank's rear leg was twisted at a painful angle.

Probably broken, he thought as he approached. Stopping about twenty feet from the trio of 'orcs', he leveled the rifle at the one making gestures of command with its hands.

"HEY!" he announced, getting their attention.

The trio looked at him in astonishment. The two non-leaders argued with each other, their language a garbled mess. The leader stood and made a gesture. He then kicked the wounded one, making her squeal. From the brush, broke three more orcs. These in armor, and running on four legs.

Okay, I'll accept your ignorance of what a rifle is, but with the bayonet extended, you should at least recognize a spear, he thought as the running trio had come into sight.

"Call them off," he ordered and raised the rifle to point it at the leader's head, "NOW!"

The orc crossed his arms and grinned. The bullet hit him just above the eyes. The noise, and their leader's head exploding took the two off-guard.

"You!" he called as he shifted to the larger of those remaining, but watching the trio approach. "Call them off!"

The big guy proved he had the brains to make a conclusion. He shouted something, and the trio halted and looked around worriedly. Skulker has detached and was moving around to the flank.

No, I've got more shots, he thought, But I'll let you think I don't. He turned and charged, screaming at the Skulker. He'd aimed for the throat as he'd been taught, but Skulker's parry drove the bayonet down, and it landed in the orc's belly. A new high-pitched wail added to the whimpers of the two unicorns. He stepped smartly back, out of reach of the limbs of the mewling orc who clutched his belly.

"Take him and get out of here!" he ordered, gesturing with the rifle towards the new leader and Skulker.

The new leader grabbed Skulker by the collar and dragged him away quickly. The armored trio cast worried glances over their shoulders as they withdrew.

Okay, he thought as he glanced at the corpse, and the two shivering little unicorns, You may have given this guy a Darwin Award, but that still leaves the problem of where the heck are you, and what is going on. He slung the rifle and drew the pistol, scanning the area for an ambush. But with nearly a hundred yards clear terrain in all directions he doubted they could ambush him.

The two little unicorns were tethered to the ground with a choker chain around their necks attached to basically a large corkscrew screwed into the ground. I used these on my dogs, he thought as he unscrewed it, and unclipped the two unicorns. The one with all four legs working, bolted immediately. The other stared up at him fearfully, unable or unwilling to move.

"Easy, I'm not going to hurt you, unless you hurt me," he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. It/she whimpered a bit as he lifted her up, and slung her across his shoulders. "You're a heavy, little thing," he said as he trotted back to his house.

Problem, there is no way in hell I can fortify that place. A pick axe could come through the walls and I can't cover enough area with just me to fend off a multi-pronged attack, he considered, Face it, if they want her, they can get her. He noted the other unicorn filly had come back, and was running alongside and talking, to the one he was carrying. Both the statements, and the replies sounded desperate. 'Run away, it's taking you home to eat you.' 'I can't run, my leg's broken. Save yourself.' 'I won't leave you', he thought, I may cry. At the top of the ridge he'd crested on his way to the fillies, he spotted signs of a town in the distance. Signs he'd been facing the wrong way to see before.

"Okay, if that is what I think it is," he considered the red-cross adorning a building nearer his place than the town, "Someone is definitely messing with me."
[hr /]

Spike opened the library's door at frantic knocking. "Hello Derpy, hello Carrot Top," he said, "Uh, Twilight's not feeling well."

The groan of agony from upstairs punctuated the message.

"Well, if you see Dinky Doo or Dinky Hooves, please tell us," Carrot Top said, "They went out to collect some rocks together, and they haven't come back."

"Well, they aren't the Cutie Mark Crusaders," Spike reassured the two distraught mares. "If I see them, I'll tell them you're looking for them."

The pair left. Spike finished filling the ice bag and headed back to Twilight. Don't need to replace the bucket, he thought as he proceeded to the stricken unicorn's bed.

"Feeling better Twilight?" he asked as he removed the previous ice pack and replaced it with the new one. He felt the heat coming off what had been solid ice a few minutes before.

"Ulugh," she replied and raised her head, the bloodshot eyes regarded him, "Yes, now I'm afraid I won't die."

"Any idea what that 'magic bursting' was about?" he asked carefully.

Twilight flopped back down, her head over the bucket in case she needed it, again. "No, Spike. No idea, and right now, I think I am going to let my headache go away first."

"That's okay." He retreated quickly, leaving her to her misery. He poured the hot water out of the ice bag and started refilling it with ice.

He came in through the back door, and carefully laid the filly on the coffee table. Since I know essentially zero about how to splint a horse's leg, and the old shotgun joke doesn't seem funny right now, he thought as he collected a heavy blanket, and a pan of warm water. Still have water pressure, this cannot be happening. He took the pan, and several kitchen towels with him. The other filly, with the horseshoe mark, had slunk in and was standing near her almost-twin. The twin pairs of fearful eyes regarded him as he knelt next to the stricken one. He folded one towel and showed her he wanted her to take it between her teeth. She shook her head, he nodded in return, getting both fillies to stare at him. He carefully washed some of the deep scratches. She whimpered, so he offered the folded towel, and pushed her near-twin closer. The unmarked one hugged the marked one and whimpered while he worked. He used some hydrogen peroxide on the cuts, then did the same on the marked one who had a deep cut near her spine. She bore up a little better, but hugged her friend with gusto while he cleaned and bandaged her wound.

"Okay. I'm going to take her to the hospital," he told them in his best 'fatherly' tone. Neither showed any comprehension. Although they whimpered to each other when he wrapped the blank-flank in a blanket and carried her through the house to the garage.

"Car? No, use those when I get a source of fuel. The bike it is," he told himself and carefully loaded the foal into the large basket on the front of the bike he sometimes used when grocery shopping. "That's assuming the garage door opens," he thought and hit the control.

Both fillies gasped as the door opened normally. He took the opener with him and started riding towards the red-cross-topped building he'd spotted earlier. The filly with the horseshoe mark had to run to keep up.

He saw the road would run through part of the town, but he decided to brazen it out. If you act like you belong, and nothing is going wrong, they'll usually ignore you, he thought, Okay, that architecture is just weird. It looks like Dr. Seuss or the Smurfs. At least the hospital looks reasonable. He parked the bike, and noted he'd left the other filly far behind. He picked up his precious cargo, and ducked to get in the front doors. Many of the ponies in the entryway stared at him in utter shock. He ignored them all. The trio of ponies, each wearing a nurse's hat, each with a modified red cross on their flanks caught his attention. He set the filly on what he took to be gurney near them.

"Her leg was broken by some orcs," he said authoritatively, as they stared at him, "I'm afraid that's beyond my capabilities. Please take care of her." He turned and felt the waiting room all staring at him as he held the door for the exhausted filly who'd not been able to keep up.

As he rode away, he heard the screams of terror coming out of the hospital.

Twilight was feeling marginally better, and was even able to walk without falling over, when a pink ball of energy stormed into the library.

"Twilight!" Pinkie hugged her ferociously. "I'm so glad the house didn't land on you. Not saying you're a witch or anything, but when I saw that new house with the monster living in it, I had to wonder. 'OH! Did that hit Twilight?' So I'm so glad you're safe! Do you suppose monsters like cupcakes? And what kind of party games should we have? I remember that dragon didn't like my party games."

" 'House', 'monster'?" Twilight asked as she struggled to pry the pink party-purveyor loose, "What are you talking about?"

"The big house that appeared outside of town!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Oh no, we haven't found out if it's eaten anypony! Bye!"

With that, Twilight was left with a worsening headache, and a new series of questions. Spike's burp and the flash of colored flame heralded what she desperately hoped were some answers, not more questions.

"It's from Princess Luna," Spike said, "They felt the magic bubble burst too, and she's bringing a detachment of soldiers and scholars. She wants you to coordinate with them anything you've found."

"About what?" Twilight demanded.

"Ah, whatever landed outside of town."

Derpy held 'her muffin' tightly as Dinky Doo and Dinky Hooves related their experience to Applejack and Rarity. "The Diamond Dogs said we were bait and that they were going to get revenge for you tricking them, and then this big monster showed up. The Diamond Dogs just laughed at it and it hurt two of them, and freed us, then it carried me back to its house, and bandaged up my cuts, and brought me here."

"His house is huge! Rooms ten-ponies high and doors a dozen ponies could walk through all at once," Dinky Hooves said from the protective embrace of Carrot Top, "He's like a cross between a bear and a dragon. He shoots fire, and walks on two legs, and has hands, and he had this thing with wheels that was faster than a pony!"

"Yeah! The wheel thing had a basket on the front. I rode in it upside-down, even though I was going fast, I wasn't scared."

"What about this - creature," Rarity said, "What did it do?"

"When the Diamond Dogs had us, he fought them. Hurt two and scared the rest away," Dinky Hooves said, with Dinky Doo nodding in agreement, "Then he carried Dinky Doo back to his house and cleaned up her cuts, and mine, then took her to the hospital."

"I can vouch for that," Nurse Redheart said, "It walked in."

"It's a him," Dinky Hooves insisted, "He's got a deep voice like a stallion, he's got to be a him."

"He, walked in, and had to crouch to get through the halls. It, he came straight to Nurse Coldheart and Nurse Tenderheart, said something in a language I've never heard, and laid poor Dinky here on a gurney. It then held the door for Dinky Hooves, and left. We all panicked a little at that point."

"I do not blame you one bit," Rarity said, "Imagine a monster traipsing in here. I'm surprised it left peacefully."

"He's not a monster!" Dinky Doo insisted, "He's nice! Those Diamond Dogs hurt me! He never did, well, maybe when he cleaned up my cuts, but that always hurts."

"Ah think we'd better get Twilight and Rainbow Dash," Applejack whispered to Rarity, "And go have ourselves a look at this monster."

"Agreed," Rarity whispered as they pair moved away, "Still, what kind of 'monster' rescues a pair of foals, and takes one them to the hospital?"

"The real scary kind Rarity, the smart kind," Applejack replied.

He watched the clothes' washer fill with hot water. He'd turned the gas back on, after he'd come back, and after digging at the line and found it severed too, like the water line. "Someone is definitely screwing with me," he said as he added a little detergent and left the machine to run. All the windows which had once lent the place an open feel were now serious vulnerabilities. He briefly considered relocating to the attic. "No, they could simply burn the place down around my ears," he reminded himself.

"So, afterlife, hallucination from earthquake injuries, psychotic breakdown, or all of the above?" he asked himself as he returned to the kitchen and started cooking dinner. "There is no way that all of this can be happening." He noted that the sun was setting. "They'll probably come at night. Five on one, not good odds." He looked around, feeling he was being watched.

He turned suddenly. "I could have sworn I saw a flash of pink."

Fluttershy leaned over and looked through the windows into the kitchen. She sat back up on the roof and stuffed her hooves in her mouth to prevent a squee from escaping. "It so, so, so cute!" she had to say.

Rainbow Dash plucking her off the roof at speed made her squeak a different way. The cyan pegasus dropped her at the makeshift observation post she and Applejack had set up.

"What the hay are you doing?" Rainbow Dash demanded, "That thing is dangerous."

"But it's cute," Fluttershy whimpered, and let out a little squee of joy. "It acts just like a pony."

"Tell that ta the dead Dahmond Dog," Applejack said, "That critter didn't shoot it, he exploded it. Never seen nothin' lahke that in mah life."

"Dead?" Fluttershy asked, "Did he eat some of it?"

"No, jist killed it," Applejack said, "Though, they had a couple of fillies they'd hurt."

"He rescued them?" Fluttershy gasped.

"Awfully gallant, for a monster," Rarity asked as she arrived, Twilight trailing behind, "Wouldn't you say."

"Maybe it was just trying to show it has a good heart. We all know how mean those Diamond Dogs are," Fluttershy said.

"They kidnaped Rarity," Rainbow Dash insisted, "They didn't kill her."

"They didn't break my leg so my cries would draw the rest of you in either," Rarity replied, "I agree. It overreacted, but I can admit, its heart was in the right place." She stepped aside and let Twilight walk up to the binoculars.

Applejack sighed. "That's kinda not th' point. What's it doin' haere? What's it want? Even if it is friendly, and ah ain't sayin' it is, what the hay do we know about it?" Applejack looked over, and frowned at Twilight's stunned expression. "Twi? Twilight? Twilight Sparkle?"

"Books," came the strangled sound, "Hundreds and hundreds of books!" the unicorn nearly shrieked.

"Get her Dash!" Applejack shouted, as their friend made a break for it.

"It has to be intelligent! We have to make friends with it! Look at all those books!" Twilight shouted as Rainbow wrestled her down to the floor of the observation post.

"Yeah," Fluttershy added, "The big wall at the center of the house. It has book shelves on both sides."

"Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said as she struggled with the unicorn, "Not helping here."

"All those books, no one's ever read before!" Twilight announced.

"And you can't read either, darling," Rarity said, "It doesn't speak our language."

Twilight stopped wrestling with Rainbow Dash. "Can't read them?" the little unicorn whimpered, "All those books, and I can't read them."

"I'm sure if you asked nicely," Fluttershy suggested, "Or traded. It might want to learn about -"

"That's not important rahght naw," Applejack insisted, "This critter mahght be dangerous ta Ponyville. Ha'd we keep it penned up?"

"Why don't we have Rainbow go beat it up?" Rarity offered.

"Are you kidding? I'm the one who found that Diamond Dog!" Rainbow insisted, "If it's a creature, let Fluttershy talk to it."

"Could I?" she asked, only to have Applejack catch her tail and reel her back. "Have alla you gone loco? Naughty or nice, that thing is plumb dangerous."

"Oh," Spike said as he arrived, "We got another letter from Princess Luna. She and her team are arriving tonight, and they'll be taking over." He trotted up and handed the letter to Twilight, who rolled back onto her feet and pulled it before her. " 'Do not attempt to make contact, do nothing threatening, do not invade its territory. We will be there before midnight. Keep it under observation. Princess Luna.'"

"Okay, naw we got orders," Applejack said, "And ah feel a lot happier with a Princess haere ta give that thing what fer."

"Have any of you seen Pinkie Pie?" Spike asked, and looked at the sea of horrified faces around him.

He ate a surprisingly large dinner. For one reason, he was absolutely famished after the events of the day. For a second, he had no idea how long the magic fueling the refrigerator and freezer would last. Then he would be down to the stash of dehydrated food. He also ate in the dining room, which he rarely did. Not for a special occasion, since he usually ate in the small breakfast nook at the other end of the kitchen, but because he could close off this part from prying eyes. Curtains covered the windows and a pocket door separated the kitchen from the dining room.

Considering I'm having a large steak, I think the local herbivores would rather not know it, he thought, I'd rather them not know it. He looked at the pistol within easy reach. He had all the clips he owned loaded and on his person. The SKS and the pouch for its clips also stayed with him. He'd dispersed the loose rounds to various places around the house so he could resupply, if his enemy gave him the chance.

"Now I know how the men at the Alamo felt," he said quietly, "All that's left is the waiting. Although given a few days, I could probably fortify this place. Until they realized they could just cut through the ceiling. I don't think me buying enough concrete to put a coffer dam up there would go unnoticed, let alone the wood for the forms."

He idly ran his finger over the table and looked around. He'd bought the place, furnished it with his own earnings, and finally hauled all his crap out of storage so he could sort through it and put what he kept up on shelves, and throw the rest away.

"So much for that plan," he said quietly, "A good idea while it lasted."

Melancholy rose in him as he looked around. "My house, my home." Gave way to purpose. "Those bastards aren't getting out of this without a good fight. There are a few booby traps I can put together." He eagerly finished his dinner and set out to make any invasion uncomfortable.

Big Fido looked at the odd house. He'd had to go back to Rover Bill and explain the trap didn't work, and worse, that Rex wasn't coming back. Rover Bill had yelled at him, then had given him 20 more soldiers and told him to wait until dark, then teach this newcomer a lesson.

Now he crept through a darkness so thick he was having trouble seeing. He crept up beside one of the soldiers who was still wearing his helmet. "What do you see?" he asked the soldier.

"It's ready for us," the soldier replied, "And they're their pony soldiers out there."

"Ponies is stupid, we get past them easy," Big Fido said.

The blue glow of an alicorn horn illuminated the area as the soldier turned towards Big Fido. "Just how?" Luna asked.

"What do you think, sergeant?" Shining Armor looked through the binoculars at the structure. His coat, at night, was worse than a beacon. So he stayed back at the observation post, looking through the tripod-mounted binoculars.

"Two days, a few lads, some sandbags and a couple crew-served weapons, and I wouldn't hit that place with the whole of the 3rd Guards," Sergeant Mile Stone said.

"Sergeant, if I gave you that, I wouldn't want to attack an ant hill you were defending," he replied, "A hole a little over a bit wide, and the hoof-sized hole in the back of the head blown out. I don't think it needs crew-served weapons."

"I'm just thinking, how frightened it must be," the sergeant mused.

Shining Armor stared at him. "That telescope must let you see things hidden from these binoculars."

"Captain, if it had been your sister screaming in pain, I think you would have thrashed those Diamond Dogs until they couldn't crawl away. But he saw six-on-one, and panicked. Yet he risked it all to get that filly to the hospital, and came back here. He has to know somebody is going to come looking for him."

"Sergeant, are you feeling all right?" Armor asked.

"Captain, those Day Guards you brought, do they have dress uniforms, or just camouflage?" the sergeant asked.

"Both, why?"

"Let us let it/him see what he needs to see. Us setting up a perimeter, and holding it. No one in, no one out. I'll bet if we move it out say fifty paces, and your nice, shiny, easily seen guards walking around, he'll feel more secure."

"He'll be trapped."

"Not until and unless he wants to cross the boundary. That may take several hours, or even days. Until then -" The sergeant stopped and returned to his telescope as the lights of the house came up. The monster walked out into the light. It pulled a heavily laden cart along, then hoisted the load up so it hung from one of the heavy beams that supported the patio's roof.

"Damn," the sergeant cursed.

"No, I think your idea will still work," Armor said as he watched, "In fact, I think it may work better now than before. But take a couple Night Guards with you. Let him see more of our cards."

"Sir," the sergeant nodded and headed off to collect his vedettes.

Shining Armor focused on the patio and grinned. "Monster after my own heart," he said quietly.

Sergeant-Major Mile Stone walked towards the illuminated patio. The struggling figure, mouth tied shut with streamers and ribbons, hogtied and hanging feet up from the rafter, was solid pink, and had been a significant and alarming part of their briefing on Ponyville. "I see the creature has some common sense and taste after all," he commented on the struggling, pink mare.

Many of the soldiers chuckled.

"I'll take a section of Night Guards forward, the rest of you, stay in formation. You represent their Highnesses and Equestria."

"Sir," they said.

He checked his own uniform, making sure it was immaculate and that the lads looked like they were ready for a parade. If this thing isn't hostile, this should be easy, he thought, I hope that little filly was right about it understanding standard gestures. He noted the sign taped to the mare's back. A close-up of Pinkie Pie's face, surrounded by a red circle with a single, red stroke through the middle of it. That bodes well, it thinks we can understand symbols as well.

"Get her down, but don't untie her until she's with the Princess. Off you go," he said, and approached the large glass doors, alone.

You could fly a sky chariot through those things, he thought and noted some movement at the smaller window that looked out over the patio. The scale of the place was unnerving. In Canterlot, the much higher ceilings were to emphasize the grandeur of the place, and to give some of the flying populace more room to move, and the unicorns a way to carry things out of the foot traffic lanes. Everything here is functional. This thing is just that big. He kept any sign of fear from his expression or movement. He walked up to the door, and knocked. Then stood there as if ready to wait all night.

His night-enhanced vision caught the creature aiming what looked for all the world like a camera at him. But no flash. It waited, so did he, and the light off the back of the camera illuminated its face. The face seemed expressive, and as mobile as a pony's. If that expression is what it would be on a pony, I was right, it, he's scared. The sergeant gently knocked again, and waited.

The creature seemed to debate with itself. It also seemed to think it was concealed in the dark interior. Once it decided, it set down the odd spear it wore on a strap around its shoulder, and approached the door. The salute it gave would have earned a severe dressing down to any recruit who'd received even a day's training, but to the sergeant it was a blessing from Luna and Celestia themselves. Of course he returned a proper salute, held for the proper interval. He turned slightly, and pointed a hoof at the lads in formation.

"Set the perimeter!" he ordered, and the lads broke formation and began setting wire rods in the ground and stringing reflective tape from one wire to another. Several of the Day Guards, resplendent in their armor and coats glowing in the light, marched behind the tape.

He looked back. Please understand, please understand. The monster nodded, and gave a barely passable salute. The sergeant nodded back, then gestured at the lights, and slowly lowered a hoof.

The creature's mobile face screwed up in confusion, but it touched the wall inside and the lights went out. The sergeant nodded, and made a stately withdraw across the perimeter that would soon encompass the entire house, and a short cleared zone beyond.

Her Highness, oddly invisible against her night, seemed to loom up out of the darkness. "Report."

"Highness," he said and saluted, "We are establishing a no-go zone, and the creature seems to have no problem with that. Considering his earlier invader, he may welcome his isolation."

"We will speak to Miss Pinkie Pie, very harshly," her Highness assured him, "But she was not harmed. Admirable restraint." She grimaced at memories of her second meeting with the pink, party patron of Ponyville.

"Yes ma'am. It also knows a fair amount of ordinary gestures. It recognized I was military on sight, and even gave a salute, barely. I think we may have a basis for at least limited communications."

"It recognized the hospital's markings, and that the nurses were medical personnel. It may not be able to speak, but it understands symbols. What of the bookshelves my sister's student cannot be silent about?"

"I couldn't read the titles, distance, and darkness, your Highness, but there was a similar set of shelves behind the exterior door perpendicular to the main one. I suspect it is nearly the bibliophile Miss Sparkle is."

"Speak of Discord," Luna said as the purple unicorn practically bounced out of the darkness.

"Princess Luna, I am ready and eager to help get all that vital knowledge for Equestria!"

"We will call you if you are needed," Luna said politely, "We believe our forces in the field are sufficient."

The mare's happy facade cracked a bit. "But books," she managed, while smiling in a way that gave Luna pause.

"Let it get some rest, lass," Mile Stone said. "It's had a hard day, and if we scare it, it may do something foolish."

"It wouldn't burn them, would it?" she asked in horror.

"I was thinking it might eat them, to keep them away from us."

The unicorn's eyes opened wide at the horror he'd painted. "You're right, can't endanger it, can't endanger all those books, all that knowledge, it'll still be there first thing in the morning, bright and early, that's the ticket, bright and early."

"Some hot cocoa for you I think," Mile Stone suggested quietly, and caught the princess' gaze. So many sedatives could be disguised by the taste of cocoa.

Lieutenant Peaceful Solitude stood in the squad tent and watched the purple mare pace the floor in and around the bunks. She'd already downed enough drugged cocoa to fell a hydra, but she kept pacing, practicing the speech she would give the creature to convince it to relinquish to her its library. I am not going to tell the Captain's sister that she has completely lapsed into incoherence, the young, Night Guards officer thought, Time for a flank attack.

"Ma'am, I think none of that may work," she said, attracting the on edge unicorn's full attention.

"Work, of course it will work!" the disheveled creature said as it advanced, "They're depending on me, her Majesty is depending on me, all of Equestria is depending on me, all the future relation between our species is depending on me, so how can it not work?!" The smile was bad enough, the twitching eye and ears made the sight infinitely worse.

The wild-eyed unicorn had managed to back the officer into a corner. Now is not the time to remind her that her Highness Luna effectively ordered her to butt out, Peaceful Solitude thought.

"Just that, well, it may want to trade for them," she said, and gave the mad librarian a saucy wink, "And we know what stallions really want, don't we? Big, fierce, lonely stallion. Saved a bunch of fillies, and pretty, young mare comes, to ease his loneliness. He won't mind a few books just happen to wind up in the Ponyville library. Besides, gives him an excuse to . . . check them out, and make the librarian pay her late fee," she said as lewdly as she could.

The mare's eyes had shrunk to pinpoints as whatever thoughts she'd had, had never included that particular option. "That's," she began, only to have the massed sedatives spring a surprise counterattack. The lieutenant barely caught the mare before she collapsed to the ground unconscious.

"Please let her have been thinking that was disgusting," the lieutenant said, "I'd hate to have her think that was brilliant."

"What was brilliant, lieutenant?" Shining Armor asked.

The lieutenant looked around nervously. "Oh, distracting her Majesty's student, so she could get some much needed sleep."

"Drugged her cocoa?" the Captain said tiredly, "I hope there's enough left for her Highness."

"What happened to her Highness?" the lieutenant asked, alarmed.

"She tried to contact the creature through its, no, definitely his, dreams. Her control was not what it should have been. Good news is, it has learned the Equestria national anthem and some of our more popular songs, and seemed to enjoy them, as much as circumstances permitted."

"Good news, sir," she said as she moved Twilight to a bunk, and tucked her in.

"Yes. As an important note, Lieutenant, anyone who mentions melting rocks, electrified lobsters, singing mice, or peach candy canes around her Highness, ever, is going to get a buck to the head, from the entire command cadre."

"Understood, clearly, sir. How did she learn it's definitely a male?" the lieutenant asked as she walked with him out of the tent.

"In the dream, Pinkie Pie bit him. In a place you wouldn't have to worry about, ma'am."

"Peach-colored candy canes. Dreams are out," she agreed.

"Dreams are out," Shining Armor agreed.

Fluttershy fluttered over the barrier. High overhead, Rainbow Dash and some of the weather patrol were keeping watch, and keeping other pegasi out of the area. But the Princess asked me to go see him. Fluttershy felt her heart pounding in her chest. Unlike what others thought of her, she knew enough about how predators and prey acted in the Everfree. It wasn't nice, but she knew about it. She knew, and the Princess understood, that a harmless approach was better than coming on strong. Like approaching a mother bear with cubs, she thought, Don't get between her cubs and her. Don't do anything that disturbs the cubs. She thought of her many critters, and the wilder things in the Everfree, And they leave me alone, mostly, she thought as she approached the big, glass doors. The spotters had seen it was up and around, so now was a good time to try to communicate.

"Fluttershy, wait!" Twilight shouted as she charged over the barrier, "I'm glad I caught you. I hope I'm not too late."

"Oh no, I was just going to knock on the door and introduce myself. I'm sure you'll be welcome too."

Their presence had attracted his attention and he walked towards the glass doors. Rather than open one of the wide doors that both ponies could have walked through abreast, it opened a smaller much narrower door that was fronted by a screen.

It can see and hear, but we can't come in, Fluttershy realized, I mustn't be nervous. But it's so big, and so cute. She felt a squee coming on as she gathered herself to actually talk to it.

"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, I am Princess Celestia's student, she is our ruler and you have landed in her country."

"Um, Twilight," Fluttershy tried to interject.

"We all understand that you're a newcomer here, but as a show of good faith, we would encourage you to share."

"Twilight," Fluttershy said.

"And as you may or may not know, we all benefit from an open exchange of information."

"Twilight, I don't think it understands what you're saying," Fluttershy said, and smiled at the creature, who was beginning to lose patience. "Twilight, I don't think it likes what you're saying."

"Since you have information and we have information. I propose that you transfer all that information to the Ponyville library where it can be accessed by all."

It shrugged its shoulders at Fluttershy, closed the narrow door and turned away.

"Oh, I never got a chance to give you the tea I, was, supposed, to, give you . . . as a present," Fluttershy said. She hung her head as she flittered away.

"Where did it go?" Twilight asked as she'd dropped out of lecture mode. "Fluttershy?" Twilight raced back to her friend. "Was it something I said?" She looked at the tin of tea she carried. "Weren't you supposed to give it that?"

"It never opened the door, so it was kind of hard to," Fluttershy said despondently.

"I guess I should have waited until you'd done that, before I started talking to it." Twilight grinned nervously.

"It's all right," Fluttershy said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I just can't stop thinking how important it is to make the right impression."

"Yeah, I know," Fluttershy said, "First impressions mean a lot."

"That could have gone worse," Luna said from the observation post, "It could have started shooting." She sighed, and watched the creature eat its breakfast. There were more trained people, with more powerful telescopes trained on the target, and every inch of the house that could be seen from the outside. They didn't yet have the spare ponies or telescopes to watch the areas the creature had kept closed off. That worried Luna.

If they could provide me one simple piece of data, she thought, But they just don't know. It can be unspeakably violent, yet tender as the gentlest of us. Luna smiled.

"I think we learned something else," Sergeant Mile Stone said, "It doesn't like motor mouths."

"That is our sister's prized student you refer to," Luna said, "And your captain's sibling."

"My analysis stands, your Highness," the sergeant replied, "And I presented no opinion of my own on the subject, just my analysis of the creature's behavior."

"Recommendations?"

"Send the pegasus back in, and have her get his attention and just leave the tea."

Luna nodded. "And have Nurse Redheart report to us. I think we need to show our concerns for it, his health."

"Highness," Mile Stone said and bowed.

"But, it can't read," the nurse pony said helplessly.

"Then give it the brochures you give children about immunizations. They are mostly pictures and diagrams," her Highness said, trying hard not to make it an order, "It knows you, it trusted you with something it was willing to fight for. It will understand your natural concern for the health of others."

"But I work on ponies," the nurse said, "Maybe you need to talk to a veterinarian."

"We are not asking you to provide medical treatment, ma'am," Captain Armor said, "Just show it how we do business. How we treat one another. You would do the same if a new resident appeared in Ponyville."

"Of course, if they are a pony. But when young Spike arrived, I don't think anyone checked up on him."

"We are aware how well that omission went," Luna muttered.

"Ma'am!" the sergeant called, "She's delivered the tea."

They rushed to the telescopes and binoculars to watch the reaction.

"I just hope whatever it brewed for its dinner really was tea," Mile Stone said as he relinquished the powerful tripod-mounted binoculars to his sovereign.

"It has retrieved the box. YES! It's trying to read the characters. It recognizes language," Luna said with tremendous enthusiasm. "What's it doing? Can't it open a box?"

A technical officer at a telescope replied. "Highness, it's opening it, as if it were booby-trapped."

"Why would we go to the trouble of booby-trapping a gift?" her Highness demanded.

"It doesn't know it isn't a trap, Highness," Mile Stone said, "A quite understandable caution. It might rightly assume we mean it no harm, while wrongly assuming we mean to render it unconscious, so we can separate it from it's base and weapons. We want it to be cautious."

"It opened it," Armor reported, "And it seems to recognize what's inside."

"What is that, it looks like a ball of the same screen that cover the house's windows?" Luna said as she watched.

"It's a tea ball," Armor said, "They must be able to make stuff out of that screen."

They watched in silence as it put a glass jar of water in a strange cabinet, stroked the face of the cabinet and waited.

"It can't have heated water to boiling that fast," Armor commented, "That box must have the heat of a forge in it."

"It's certainly hot enough to make tea," the technical officer said, "And in goes the tea ball."

"We are all watching," Luna said, "We have no need for Hoofball-style commentaries."

"Apologies, Highness," the stallion said, "I'm just a little excited."

"Feel the same way about my morning cuppa," Mile Stone said.

"Did he take the tea, is he making some?" came the soft but breathless question.

Mile Stone hooved over the binoculars to Fluttershy, and let her watch.

They all watched in rapt fascination as it steeped the tea, and then took its first sip. Then a larger drink.

"Oh no!" Fluttershy exclaimed as the creature crashed to the floor of its kitchen. A hand or foot would spring into view as it seemed to be having the granddaddy of all grand mal seizures.

"Nurse, get your supplies," Luna ordered, and watched the nurse race away.

"It's back up!" Fluttershy, who'd been near tears, announced.

They raced back to their telescopes and binoculars. It had pulled itself back up to the counter and stared owlishly at the cup of tea. Before drinking the rest in one gulp and going through the same exercise.

"It likes doing that?" Fluttershy asked.

"I think we've learned two things," Armor said quietly. "First, it knows it's being watched, big surprise. And second, it thinks it's a comedian."

"Captain. You have my permission to go down and kill it," Luna said.

"Highness," Mile Stone interjected, forestalling Fluttershy's protest, "Think about the first meeting between him, and your beloved sister. After you'd properly briefed it of course."

Luna stood in thought. "The order is rescinded, Captain. But have tickets to that meeting printed up. We'll have a charity auction."

"Yes, ma'am," Armor said, "I rather think her Majesty would enjoy that meeting."

"It's some members of court that deserve the apoplexy," Luna said as she headed back to report to her sister.

Derpy had just heard the news that school was canceled. As long as Princess Luna was in town, the school was closed. "Miss Cheerilee says we'll have school somewhere else in a few days," her little muffin said excitedly.

"Well, I was told not to deliver the mail," she told her foal, "So we can spend the whole day together."

"Yay!" she said and Derpy hugged Dinky. The sound of frantic knocking on the door distracted her. On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle, pacing and muttering to herself as if the end of the world was approaching. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff. "Yes?"

"Oh, good Derpy you're home. I was afraid you'd gone to work, but I guess you heard that the military will handle the mail for a while. But her Highness needs messengers and your name came up and I'm sure you understand how important it is to make sure their Highnesses have what they need to do their jobs."

"I was going to stay home with my little muffin," Derpy said shyly, "I'm sure there are others."

"Oh, I'm collecting them too!" Twilight said, "After all can't have too much help for the Princesses on a mission that may make the difference in the history of Equestria."

Before she could respond, Derpy felt her foal nuzzle her. "It's okay momma, we can play after you get off work."

"See, then it's all settled!" Twilight said, "Just remember, it's for Equestria."

Derpy didn't frown, but the most important part of Equestria was right beside her. She'd almost lost her, and now Twilight's crusade was dragging her away again. She normally felt a little pity for the mare who assumed books were as important as ponies. She'd never have a special somepony, or a foal of her own. But Derpy couldn't manage any sympathy for her just now.

"It's okay, momma," Dinky said, feeling her mother's mood.

"It's not 'okay'," Derpy said as she nuzzled her back, "But it is what the princess needs."

Derpy wondered where she could get a reliable foal-sitter on short notice, especially with the town in a turmoil. The answer was instantly obvious.

"Pack a lunch, and your school books and help momma whip up some muffins," she said happily. The princess could wait until Derpy had seen to her daughter's well-being.

"So, you are prepared?" Shining Armor asked Nurse Redheart.

"I guess," she admitted, "I'm really not used to being an ambassador. What if I fail? What if I offend him?"

"I think it's rather tolerant of failure," Armor replied.

"Captain, the Wonderbolts have been briefed and are taking station," a lieutenant reported.

"Good," Armor said, then concentrated on the nervous mare, "It's just to get him used to us. I don't think he'd be overly concerned about someone taking an interest in his health and well-being. Just deliver the fliers, show him the x-rays of Dinky's leg, and leave. Simple."

"If you say so," the nurse said.

"Spitfire." Fleetfoot swung in close. "Mare coming in fast." She pointed to the target.

"It's okay, she's on the list, messenger pony," Spitfire said.

"Isn't she gonna miss the camp?" Fleetfoot commented on the mare's dive angle.

"There's the mailbox," Derpy told Dinky, "So that's gotta be the front door, I don't know why nobody is watching this side." She landed easily, and saw the scale of the covered walkway. "It really is big."

"There momma, there, a doorbell," Dinky said excitedly from her perch on her mother's back. "It's about as big as one of their claws."

"Well?" Derpy said, and let Dinky use her horn magic to press the button. They heard the ringing inside.

"See, see, it rang a bell."

The door opened, and the monster was every bit as intimidating as people had said, until it smiled seeing Dinky.

"Uh, I know you might have something else planned, but I need a foal-sitter and you took care of her so well yesterday." Derpy held the foal up towards the creature.

He smiled and nodded. He pointed as the cast on her leg.

"It's okay," Dinky said and wiggled it.

He carefully picked her up and set her on the rug he was standing on.

"I have her school work, and her lunch," she said as she handed over the pack, and the small bag. Then she handed over a large bag of muffins. "I really am sorry about imposing."

It said something, which sounded sympathetic, and patted Dinky.

"Be good, momma will pick you up at five!" Derpy said and walked back down the walkway as the door closed behind her. The two pegasi who landed were nearly bowled over as Twilight came tearing around the corner.

"Derpy, what did you do? Did you talk to it?"

"I needed a foal-sitter, thanks to you, I couldn't get one in town," the pegasus said crossly, "So I came out here." She recognized the two confused pegasi. "Oh wow! You're Fleetfoot and Spitfire! I should introduce you to my foal, have you met Rainbow Dash, she's your biggest fan!"

"You mean the weather captain who squeaks half the time, before spitting it out?"

"Yep."

"How did you know to come to this entrance?" Twilight interrupted, "How did you even know it was here?"

"The mailbox is right there," Derpy said as she pointed to the column of bricks. "Everyone knows the mailbox is always near the front door." She took off and headed towards the main camp.

He looked at the eager filly and carefully collected her lunch and her school books. He set the books on the coffee table before the French doors, so everyone could see what they did.

Okay, is the society this trusting, or is this some kind of test, he wondered, and heard a squawk of outrage come from the front of the house.

The foal said something that sounded a little like what the purple unicorn had started her lecture with.

Must be the purple one's name, he thought, and tried to duplicate the sounds. Several attempts later had reduced the filly to giggles, and he gave up. It could be their vocal range is different than a humans', and I'm leaving some parts out. It all sounds like whinnies and other horse noises to me.

He set her lunch on the kitchen counter, and returned to the table. And immediately spotted one of the school books was missing. He looked at her, and innocence beamed from her very soul. He snapped his fingers and extended his hand. She shook her head and made an ashamed admission. He tapped the top of the table, and her horn glowed and the book floated down from the top of the book shelf. She made another ashamed mumble as he collected it.

He smiled and carefully opened the book. And for an instant, he felt God himself had smiled upon him.

"These are equations," he mumbled as he looked at the unfamiliar symbols, but they had dimly recognizable patterns, "This is math." He smiled, and tapped the book, before standing and indicating several dozen books on math he had kept from his university days.

She asked a question, then remembered he didn't understand her language. He took a piece of paper and made a column of tally marks, one to fourteen, and wrote the arabic numerals for each beside them, then slid the paper over. She looked at him as if he were playing an elaborate joke, then shrugged and wrote the local numbers beside the column.

They use base-ten, he thought, I'm not even going to consider how that happened. Okay, that's their symbol for multiplication, and that's division. I wonder if they even have the concept for different number bases. Too bad they don't use a Romanesque system, introducing them to decimal systems would have gotten me fame and fortune, or burned at the stake. Okay. Homework time.

He watched the filly work through a few problems, and realized why she was having such a hard time. Who developed the algorithm they use for solutions? Someone who hates kids. Yes it'll work, but if these critters follow Piaget's development cycle, they won't get why that works until they're adults.

He set up some problems using the standard algorithm of multiply two digits and carry. The filly tried it and in a few minutes was delightedly speeding through the work. She laughed and hugged him happily as she felt the troubles slip away. But then her expression fell. She pointed to the division problems. And he grinned at her. Then grinned at the book, this time showing all his teeth. The filly laughed and cheered him on.

"If I had any doubt of whose side the creator is on," Luna said as she sat back on her haunches.

"I am also pleased with this development," the chief scholar for the team said. "This shows not only it is eager to learn and adapt to our systems, but that it is willing to adapt our systems, and teach us. I must emphasize this in the strongest terms, there are also those who will see this as a threat."

"That it's willing to learn our ways?" Armor asked, "How can that be a threat?"

"That it is willing to learn ours, and teach us its ways, which may seem better. If we didn't discover its better ways, they may see us as inferior, and seek to emulate its ways. There will be others who see its way as contamination and resent them. Its learning and advanced methods have undoubtedly come at a price. The violence to the Diamond Dogs may be endemic to the species. While this one may be well-behaved, the history of this species may be very violent. As you've pointed out, it seems distinctly unmilitary, yet it had the wherewithal and the weapons to confront and defeat six Diamond Dogs. How much training would a recruit have to achieve the same?"

"About a year," Armor said, "Basic and advanced infantry, plus a little seasoning. I don't see that as a problem."

"Ponies, some of my colleagues included, who view any form of violence as inherently 'evil' will not see it so, and anything with an 'evil' source, should be avoided," the scholar warned.

"That's ridiculous," Armor countered.

"If Discord gave us the cure to some suite of maladies?" Luna asked, "I think even Celestia would be hard pressed to trust it completely. This is only a lesser version." She noted Armor's frown. "It is terrible that we must have caution about something, because of the opinions of our fellow ponies, is it not?"

To his credit, Armor got the reference. "With respect your Highness. This isn't the same."

"The sentiment is. You have been trained, and forced by circumstances to see clearly what serves and what doesn't, and to embrace what serves. For your sacrifice, others are permitted stupidities which have been weeded out of your ranks. You must let ponies be ponies, even when it is stupid, even when it hurts you personally. Or you will find yourself on the same road I foolishly walked, ages ago. And it will be your beloved sister on the opposite side, opposing you. That is a pain beyond bearing."

The captain sighed. "So we do what?"

"We 'filter it'," the scholar said, "We keep the raw data, and let some of it slip out as ponies are ready, and we can freely release anything we derive from it."

"I understand," Armor said. He came to attention and saluted. "Permission to hate it? Highness."

"Granted," Luna said, "Just remember, for your fellow ponies to reach your state, they would first have to endure all your hardships. Would you wish that fate upon them?"

"I almost would," Armor said, "I almost would."

"They you are wiser than I was," Luna said, "Congratulations."

"He's making the tea!" a technical officer still observing called out.

"Please no repetition of earlier events," Armor said.

"I think that was meant for us," Luna soothed as she watched events unfold.

The break was called for. We'd breezed through long division, and onto fractions. Adding and subtracting them required an understanding of factoring. Which had taken some time. With the break was an explanation of how a human toilet worked, and much laughter about it. Then some time out on the lawn to run around.

What the heck does she need scissors for? he wanted to ask as the filly trotted outside, carrying the implements in the glow of her horn.

She carefully cut some grass from the lawn, and held it up to him, she made some motions he couldn't decipher.

Let's get a container and then see what she wants, he thought and signaled her to stay put. When he returned, she'd located the end of the hose and was pointing at it. Ah ha! Another short pause as he'd grabbed the pasta strainer from the kitchen, and they washed off some of the grass and let her taste it. Fortunately, she didn't like it one bit.

"We have tested that for safety?" Luna asked with alarm.

"Yes, perfectly safe, but quite bitter," the scholar said, "Although some more sophisticated palates might find it a pleasure in a larger salad."

"That's something more we need to worry about, invasive plants," Armor warned.

"Oh, we have a native species very similar," the scholar said, "It's a desert variety. No one ever thought to plant an entire field of it."

With the leg in a cast, she can't really go running around, and the addition of a sock over the cast to keep it clean had her giggling at the crazy monster foal-sitting. She yawned widely, and he carried her inside, tucked her into the day bed in the guestroom, in clear view of the observers, and left to get lunch ready.

Applejack listened to Fluttershy's wistful sigh. "Fer a monster, he ain't half-bad."

"For a pony, he isn't half bad," Fluttershy said, a trifle sharply.

"I didn't mean nothin' by it."

"Are my animal friends 'monsters' because they aren't ponies?" Fluttershy asked.

Applejack could hear how loaded that question was. "Yer animal friends don't live in houses that suddenly appeared. Yer animal friends ain't as smart as that critter is. Jist sayin' don't getcher hopes up on bein' more than a pet or a toy. It don't understand us, and we cain't understand it."

"Yet," Fluttershy said carefully. Then looked at Applejack. "But even you think it's cute."

Applejack sighed. "Yes, it's a sweetie."

"Fer a monster," she said only to herself.

Her call pulled him from his lunch preparations. The filly was staring down from the height of the day bed. Not anything for a human, but a daunting jump for a small filly with a broken leg. He picked her up and carried her through the house, to set her on the kitchen counter. There she stared in bewilderment at what he was doing.

"I wouldn't have thought a grilled cheese sandwich would be alien technology," he said as he assembled the last sandwich, from the buttered bread and put it in the pan. He'd already made a few others, as well as a sampling of apple slices, oranges, and a rather brown banana. For some reason, the apple excited a stream of happy chatter.

"I hope you realize that I haven't the ability to understand a word you're saying," he told her, then grinned, "And I may have a surprise for you as well."

The sandwich finished and the stove turned off, he set her on the ground, collected her lunch and what he'd made in a picnic basket, and stepped outside. There were a few benches in his yard, and he set the basket on one of them. She followed him around the side where the tomato plants grew. He found a few fruit that were ripe and picked them, then washed them with the garden hose. He held them out and she encircled them in her horn-field to carry them back. As they passed under the apple tree, he picked a few of those as well.

"Let's hope these don't have worms in them," he muttered as he brought them to the bench and their lunch.

He was surprised to see the mother pegasus there, carrying her own lunch. Although she seemed very nervous about something, and her response to her daughter's query sounded evasive even to him. He excused himself briefly, and went back into the house. Now the reunion was more what he'd expected. He returned with a telescope and a camera, both on tripods. He set the telescope up and aimed it at the main observation post, then invited the two to look through it. The daughter's awed tones told him that he had some serious VIPs as part of the observation group.

When he pointed the camera, he discovered one of the unicorns he'd spotted earlier was missing, the dark blue one. He ignored it, and set the camera to display what he was focusing on through the backplane, not the eye piece. The two were very interested in the power of the camera, and that it's 'film' was a tiny cartridge. Not an actual roll.

Okay, they have cameras, but not digital ones, he thought. At the querulous sound, he turned to see mother and daughter staring at the plate of grilled cheese sandwiches. I was able to survive their food, he thought and cut a small piece off the sandwiches he hadn't taken a bite of yet and cut it in half.

"If you like it you can have more," he said after they both looked at him askance at his parsimony.

They both sampled and enjoyed what they had. The mother said something he interpreted as 'more?'. He began cutting a larger piece, when the pegasus wobbled and collapsed. The little unicorn screamed, and suddenly began chasing her own tail shouting the same something over and over. The pegasus flopped around uncoordinated as she tried the stand, her wing flapping uselessly. He set the unicorn on the ground, and ran for the perimeter.

"GUARDS! GUARDS!" he shouted as he ran, then stopped at the sound of pony laughter. The guards had dashed to his call and approach, and now struggled to hide their mirth at his sudden chagrin. "Okay, turnabout is fair play," he said as he walked back to the giggling mother and daughter.

He endured what was probably a lecture on teasing with good grace. He had a perfect comeback. He pointed to them. "You thought it was funny." Then at himself. "When you did it to me." The guilty smiles and slight snickers told him he'd made his point.

Lunch completed with only a few giggles from the mother and daughter, and a sampling of the other sandwiches, the tomatoes and apples. For some reason, the mother kept the apple cores and asked to take another one, both she wrapped up carefully to take with her.

Are they that good she wants to eat the cores later, or is she taking samples back to her bosses? he wondered, but had another piece of intelligence he wanted. He headed in, and brought out a few different types of clothes to show the mother. I'll need these repaired or replaced eventually, he thought.

From the observation post, there's a scream of outrage, and when he looked there through the camera, the large white unicorn was half-in half-out and clearly unconscious, the smaller, white unicorn was standing in a pose out of a Kung-Fu movie. An orange pony tried to jump her, only to be levitated away, while a rainbow maned pegasus received a punch in the snout that crumpled it in a heap beside the unconscious unicorn. Only a cobalt blue beam striking the unicorn caused it to crumble. It fell as if its joints had suddenly become unstuck.

Somebody's got phasers, he thought and looked away from the scene at the mother and daughter who were sitting behind the telescope with identical, painful grins, and in an anime show would have had identical sweat drops. Please don't ask us about crazy Aunt Mildred who needs to have her medication checked.

"Why do I think having complete fluency in your language would do me no good in getting answers?" he asked as he pointed at the distant observation post.

Mother and daughter, still painfully smiling, glanced at each other and shrugged. He held up his hands. They relaxed as the matter dropped. The little unicorn became excited and tapped his watch, speaking quickly to her mother. She'd earlier thought the idea of 24 hour days with 60 minutes and second as division was hilarious. The two of them, based on his watch, the mothers and some calculations, came back with her mother picking her up at 1617.

With her mother's return about four and a half hours away, and the filly full of energy, he decided to show her some things about his own world. Inside, on the wall was a floor-to-ceiling poster map of the whole world. He showed her the nation that he lived in, and the city, then got down an atlas and a map booklet that showed the details of the city and street he had lived in. The little girl seemed excited about a whole other world with such huge numbers of people in them.

"Well, let's show you something really amazing." He said and took her into his study.

"Applejack!" Derpy called as she landed at the observation post. "You might want to try this." The mail-mare hooved over an apple and the apple cores. "It's different from yours, and he has a tree growing in his yard."

The commotion attracted Princess Luna's attention. Both mares bowed.

"Please continue," Luna said quietly.

"He had tomatoes, apples and some other food growing in his yard," Derpy said, "Dinky didn't think much of the grass, but the tomatoes and the apples are really good."

"This is different," Applejack said after tasting the apple. Luna moved a knife over and cut a small section, and tasted it herself.

"Have you considered hiring it, him?" Luna asked. "It obviously uses tools, and it may have some solutions to problems. There is also the question of what are its food requirements."

Applejack stared at her Highness. "Yer not seriously suggestin' I hire that thing, and then take it shoppin'!"

"I hadn't considered you escorting it on a shopping trip. Excellent suggestion," Luna said happily. "After all, with you there, no one would dare cheat it, and you could see what it buys for food."

Applejack stared at her Highness.

"Come now, aren't there any tasks on your farm that you haven't had the resources to perform?" Luna asked.

"Yeah, and mosta them would take a dozen ponies," Applejack countered.

"Then show him the problem, and let him see if he can solve it for you," Luna said. "Applejack, we need to know how clever, how strong and how helpful it is. If Derpy Hooves hired it as a foal-sitter, it will understand about currency, and may realize it will need a source of bits. And despite young Twilight's assumptions that it will gleefully hand over the only thing of value it has, it's knowledge, if it has no other way to earn a living, it will hoard that knowledge as the only way to survive."

"Highness, I, don't trust that thing," she admitted.

"Then take Fluttershy with you," Luna commanded, "She has naught but praise for him."

"She jist thinks he's cute. A rattlesnake is pretty, but I wouldn't want one in mah bathtub."

"Do not think we are unaware of the danger. Yet I think the danger is mirrored. If you need help, he will extend it. If you attack, he will warn, then stop the attack," Luna said, "Your friend Pinkie Pie did not suffer the fate of the Diamond Dogs, despite invading his home and confronting him directly."

"Yes, ma'am," Applejack said begrudgingly.

"We are not asking you to do anything we will not perform ourselves," Luna said and assumed the form she'd had when the Elements had first wiped away Nightmare Moon. "Someone must get close enough to scan him, without his notice. And a poor scared filly lost in a storm, that is the risk I shall take."

"No," Applejack whispered as Luna resumed her normal state.

"Yes, as we have said, we ask of you no risk we will not take ourselves," Luna said, "We will need your help in securing Ponyville and the surrounding areas, and will need a storm of great severity. Where is Rainbow Dash?"

"Highness, I must protest!" Armor said, "You cannot risk yourself."

"Ah agree, at least take some guards with ya!" Applejack said.

"Very well, two, of the softest, smallest you have. We are poor, paper-pushing fillies caught in the frightful storm."

"Ya'll might want to take some lessons from Fluttershy on the meek and helpless part," Applejack said.

"The one who frightens dragons?" Armor asked.

"She's got you fooled," Applejack replied.

From her expression, this was the cave of wonders, he thought as he fired up the computers and hooked up the USB microscope. With it booting, he carefully snipped a few hairs from his head and put them on a slide on the microscope stage. The bright colors of the computer screens attracted her attention as she sat in the chair and watched the fingers fly over the keyboard. Then the stage light of the scope came on, and the image of the hairs appeared. He showed her the controls, and how to properly focus the microscope. "Always move the tube away from the stage," he said and she stared in amazement at the huge image on the screen, and that a movement on the microscope stage was translated onto the screen.

This is magic, he thought to himself, This is the real power of science, the power to inflame curiosity.

She asked for him to cut a bit of her hair and he did so, putting them beside his on the slide and then zooming in. Then he increased from the x10, to x60, and she gulped at the similarities and the few differences. Then came the slides of various microscopic creatures, and the results on a slide when I didn't move the tube away from the stage. At some point during the afternoon, the purple unicorn had stationed itself outside the study, and stared in forlornly, like a puppy who'd been kicked and wanted to know why.

This one can't take a hint either, he thought as he retrieved his camera and took a photo of it. The odd colorfulness of the creature against the normal coloration of the brick patio made the photo look like a particularly bad example of photo shopping. I'm almost glad that the screens face away from the window, so it can't see what has the little one so excited, he thought, as he fired up the second computer, and the CAD program. The reason for the two computers was that the CAD/CAM program was such a resource hog that effectively nothing else would run on the machine when that ran.

While the girl was using the 'little filly's room', reinstruction and adaptation on that eliciting some serious hilarity on both sides. He downloaded the picture from the camera, used the CAD program to add a red circle and slash, denoting 'no', then he printed the picture. The unicorn could see the printer, and that in moments he could produce an entire page of text. He carefully didn't let her see what was on the page.

She's more determined than ever to get in here. With that horn, she could punch through any lock on the house, I wonder why she hadn't. Before the filly returned, he also created a special message for the unicorn. When the little one returned, he pointed at the purple unicorn. The filly dutifully gave the creature's name, which perked up the creature considerably. His absolutely butchering any attempt to pronounce the name sent the filly into hysterics. He managed to get the filly to write the name on an envelope and he placed the message he had for the purple unicorn inside.

He checked his watch and realized he had enough time. So they moved back into the living room. The unicorn had its nose pressed against the glass, as he opened the doors that had concealed the big screen TV. Now the mightiest magic of all, the sorcery of Yen Sid and Fantasia, he thought as he put the classic on, and the speakers arrayed around the room played the music along with the images.

The filly stared in rapt amazement, or hysterical giggles at the scenes displayed on the screen. The purple one's frustration grew as it could only see faceted reflections of the event reflected from the bookcase doors.

I never realized, the narration portions are as alien and wonderful as the animated segments. An alien presenting an alien world, he thought as she stared open-mouthed at the images accompanying Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

Occasional giggles interrupted her fascination during Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite. But Dukas' The Sorcerer's Apprentice reduced her to hysterics as she pointed at the purple unicorn and laughed even harder. The target turned its puppy dog eyes up to maximum, to no avail.

Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring got him a lap full of shivering pony. But when he shut it off, she complained. "It's gonna get worse before it gets better," he explained. She indicated she wanted to see more. She was back to giggles and amazement for the Intermission/Meet the Soundtrack. Beethoven's The Pastoral Symphony had her excitedly giving names to the pegasi and unicorns, and laughter at the other characters' antics.

She doesn't approve of Zeus spoiling the party, he thought as the filly shouted something at the screen, Probably somebody powerful to deal with the party wrecker.

Ponchielli's Dance of the Hours had her laughing again. The knock on the door before the narrator could finish the introduction to Night on Bald Mountain was welcome. He shut the machine off and went to answer the door, the filly at his heels.

Her mother was there, all smiles, and apparently apologies. She looked around as he invited her in. He noted she wiped her hoofs off on the rug that was there for that purpose. As the filly excitedly circled and regaled her mother with stories about completed school work and wonders, he turned the big screen around, so the purple unicorn could watch, he opened the jalousie windows so she could hear better, and hit play on the disc.

You want information, enjoy, he thought as he collected the books, papers and cloth lunch bag. That's rotten trick to play, but maybe you'll quit trifling with what you don't understand. He programmed the multidisc unit to play Beethoven's Symphony No. 5 and Stravinsky'sFirebird Suite from Fantasia 2000 next. Enjoy, he thought and tried to keep from laughing malevolently.

"And then we watched funny moving pictures," Dinky told her Derpy, and tried not to bounce with enthusiasm. "I guess he's letting Twilight watch them now."

The monster arrived with a large envelope that he put some papers in.

"Oh! He showed me a new way to do the math!" Dinky said happily, "Maybe Miss Cheerilee should see those. Can I come back tomorrow?"

"Miss Cheerilee has the school set up at Sweet Apple Acres, but if you ask, maybe she can get a field trip here." Derpy thought for a moment. "Maybe we should tell Princess Luna about all this."

Then the monster handed over a letter clearly labeled for 'Twilight Sparkle'.

"I wrote than, he made something especially for Twilight," Dinky said.

I plan to have a few words with Miss Sparkle myself, Derpy thought, then caught the monster's expression,I think it's not a surprise that Twilight will like, so I'll make sure she gets it.

She collected the bits she would normally pay a foal-sitter, plus a little extra for his inconvenience. He frowned and shook his head.

"Please, I know she's a delight, but you deserve something," she told him. He nodded and accepted. Then he leaned down so Dinky could hug him. She hugged both of them. He waved to them as they headed out.

He returned to the big screen, and briefly considered adding the Sorcerer's Apprentice, but decided against it. The unicorn sat there, slack jawed, ears flat against her head, her eyes wide and teary. He shut the machine off, and seemingly released her from its spell. She looked at him, and trudged away slowly. The headed towards the kitchen to make up his dinner.

"Your Highness," Derpy said as she stood before Luna. "I think you might want these. He helped Dinky with her math homework, and you all seemed pretty excited about that."

"Indeed, we are," Luna said as she took the papers. "Such a small thing, to have such meaning." She looked at the papers. Tick marks, alien numbers and the familiar Equestrian forms. On another, a completely new way to solve multiplication problems. On another, new long division methods. She shook her head. "It is a wonder we do not all fall to Twilight's mania. What this offers . . . "

"There's also the box that shows moving pictures," Dinky said happily. "And the tube that makes everything bigger." She pulled the print out of her bag, and horned it to her Highness. "That's my hair, and his."

Luna stared at the image. She knew of microscopy, and taking pictures through microscopes, but it was a very technical field. One this 'monster' can teach a foal in an afternoon, with his equipment.

"Twilie!" Shining Armor cried.

"Hi, Shining," the mare replied flatly.

"You okay, sugarcube?" Applejack asked.

"No, not really," Twilight said quietly, her usual spark seemed completely extinguished. "Your Highness, I'd like your permission to return home."

"Ponyville, or Canterlot?" Luna asked worriedly.

"Ponyville," Twilight said quietly.

"Sugarcube," Applejack said more forcefully, "Are you okay?"

"No," Twilight said, "I've got, a lot to think about." She looked up at Luna. "I think you're right. We shouldn't push. I was wrong, and I hope you'll all forgive me."

"What happened?" Derpy asked, putting the letter to Twilight back in her pouch.

"I saw, it was beautiful, it was terrible," Twilight said, and smiled, "And it was - him, whatever his people are. I, need to think, alone."

"Applejack, go with her. But your mission tomorrow is now paramount. You too need rest."

"Yes'm," Applejack said. She bowed and led Twilight way.

"What did he do?" Shining Armor demanded, "My own sister barely recognized me."

"What our scholar warned. Some of their ideas bring delight." She indicated Dinky. "Others bring an epiphany that borders on madness. Your sister will recover. He did to her, what he did to the Diamond Dog, yet he left her alive to grow from the blow he struck."

"I don't understand."

"Neither did your sister, now she does, and must think deep and hard on what she must do next," Luna said.

Author's Note

An idea sparked by a forum posts about the human in Equestria load-out, and lack of language problems. Here the characters physically cannot speak the others language intelligibly, and the human brings an entire house with it.

Fixed the formatting. I apologize, it double spaced the paragraphs when I looked at it in the browser.

1832919 - But what exactly did he play for Twilight?

A Night on Bald Mountain/Ave Maria

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrM643eYPc0

Fantasia 2000 - Beethoven's symphony (N. 5)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqd_dfR9WSM

Fantasia 2000 - Firebird

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XGRmaiCpPU

Now imagine you've never heard of cartoons, and these cartoons look more like Twilight's actual world that the monster's home. In all three, there would be a huge horror factor, and although the forces of light and rebirth prevail, there's nothing comical or hammy about any of the villians. And in the Firebird, the destructive force appears to have won, utterly destroying the nymph's forest and the nymph herself.

There's also the message to Twilight that while she assumed she could just collect all the books and everything would be fine. The above are her first encounter with the monster's 'library'. :twilightoops: She has no idea if these are historical records, abstract images, some of each, or what. But these beautiful, terrifying messages take her to different a plane of thought for a few brief moments.

And this is what the monster just happens to have lying around. :facehoof:

'Nemo me impune lacessit' indeed. (No one provokes me with impunity).

7) Half-Moon with a Twist

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Half-Moon with a Twist

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 17

The friends left the hospital, walking through the late evening together. Rainbow and Applejack had placed themselves between Twilight and Trixie. Although the glares were mostly Trixie to Twilight. Twilight was too busy giggling at the antics of her normally staid mentor.

"Y'all didn't!" Applejack insisted, and chuckled, "If the Cutie Mark Crusaders did that, I'd tan their hides."

"But it was a dream, Applejack," Celestia explained, and smiled, "Besides, who'll know?"

"You told us," Pinkie pointed out.

"A Discord-adjusted dream?" Luna explained as she walked along with them. "We could be playing mumbley-peg with the towers of Canterlot, and no one would care."

"Not the most dignified way to pass the time," Rarity admitted, "But, without the weight of your crowns, perhaps more high spirits were in order." She laughed into her hoof. "Besides, it must have driven Discord mad you four having fun like that."

"There is that," Celestia admitted sagely.

The approach of a griffon out of the darkening skies caused them all to grow serious. The young male landed, and gave a salute. He handed a satchel to one of the guards, but addressed the group. "Glorious Mystery, I've been sent from the griffon lands to help with decoding the visitor's language." The eager, young griffon scholar looked among the pony faces. "What did I miss?"

"Is he kidding?" Rainbow insisted.

"I say we head to Sugarcube Corners, and give him a full update," Celestia said.

"Not about the, uh," Twilight said. Twilight's eyes twitched towards Luna and Trixie.

"Especially about stealing everyone's bathing suit and dumping crushed ice in the swimming hole," Celestia insisted, "If he's a spy, and he reports that, they won't believe a word he says ever after."

Twilight thought the only one sweating more than her was the young griffon.

Big Mac trotted up to the wall of the town hall where the Royal Observer Corps had temporarily attached the monster's front door. The shadows from the lights of the town concealed the two others until he was practically on top of them. "Howdy," he said carefully.

"Ah, Big Macintosh, I'm glad to see you again," Shining Armor said. "I'm afraid we'll need the key, and I'd feel better with the caretaker looking over our shoulder." Glory stood at his side.

"Ah heard it was gone," Big Mac said.

"We think it's on the other side of his door. And that doesn't mean in the middle of the town hall," Armor said. "If it's where we think it is, we'll have to swear you to secrecy."

"Then don't tell me. I'll watch you, you figure out where the house is," Big Mac said as he produced the key, and unlocked the door. "Look, but don't touch," the stallion urged as he opened the door, and stared. "That wasn't there." The corridor looked like the covered walkway to the monster's front door. The garage wall was duplicated on the other side of the walkway except it had two doors inset into it. The faint illumination seem to come from no discernable source.

Armor and Glory let the stallion step inside and they closed the door behind them.

"That's modern, classical, and ancient Equestrian, and they say essentially the same thing. 'Don't open this door,'" Glory said as she examined the letters cut deep in the iron-banded, heavy door.

"I guess the last is the monster's language," Armor said.

"Why's 'please' so tiny?" Big Mac asked as he peered closely at the door. The door flared with light and opened inwards. Big Mac grabbed it and pulled it closed with a dolorous boom. He looked at the two unicorns. "I don't think that's his house."

"Agreed," Armor said, "How'd you know it was a trap?"

"Discord did it," Big Mac said as they walked a little ways down the corridor and found a door that said 'To Canterlot Bypass'. The trio looked at each other.

"Someone is going to do this anyway." Shining Armor extracted a stephscope and set it against the door. "Sounds like traffic noise." He removed the earpieces and let Glory listen. Big Mac just shook his head.

Glory and Shining Armor exchanged glances as they removed several wands from their saddlebags, and a collapsable 11-foot pole. While Armor unfolded and locked down the pole, Glory carefully ran the wands over the surface of the door.

"If there's a magic trap here, it's so low-powered there's no leakage on this side," Glory said.

"Then it could be right on the other side of the warp, if it really is Canterlot through there," Armor said and positioned the pole. "Stand clear and open it." The faint glow of his force field appeared between them and the door.

On the other side was ordinary, Canterlot traffic. The narrow alleyway was not well traveled. Armor wasn't taking chances, he moved the rod ahead slowly. The end of it began taking on a reddish hue as it passed the boundary layer. Armor withdrew it, and the red didn't spread from the area that had been affected. He looked at Glory, who nodded and the entire length passed through the barrier. This time it turned orange as it passed through. It encountered no hidden tripwires or other traps as he waved it around and then, just as slowly, and carefully, he brought it back. The orange color faded as it came through, but the red that had stained it initially was revealed and remained.

"Captain, I recognize this alley. It's on South Street near the edge of the city. This doorway is set right into the mountain," Glory said. "There's a nice Zebra bakery just around the corner."

"So, if you're in Ponyville, and you don't mind changing color, you don't have to hop the train to Canterlot," Armor said.

"What happens when you run out of colors?" Big Mac asked. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. What happens next?"

"I think we nail this one shut unless we need an emergency evacuation route," Armor said. Glory and Mac nodded. "There's where his front door used to be," Armor said and indicated the last door that appeared to be unchanged from it's setting on the house. "Anyone notice that neither Derpy Hooves, nor the Great and Powerful Trixie were color-shifted or otherwise damaged?"

"They didn't touch either door, they said. I think that proves them out," Glory said.

Big Mac hooved over the key, and they inserted it from a distance, safely behind Shining Armor's defense shield. Then he turned the key in the lock.

"Sounded normal," Big Mac offered.

Armor touched the latch and opened the door, slowly. The only thing that flooded the corridor was light from inside the house. The trio approached and looked around.

Armor whistled. "No wonder Twilie was obsessed," he said as he looked around, " 'Open Sesame Seeds' indeed.

"There's two more just as big, and a couple little ones," Big Mac said, and started looking around. "Funny. Last time I was in here, it's like the house wanted me out. Just feels normal now."

"Probably Nightmare was watching this place. Another clue we missed or ignored," Glory said. "Big Mac, stay in there. Captain, come look at this."

Armor trotted forward. It did look like a geode, crystals softly glowing in greens and blues and yellows, making a soft, omnidirectional white light. Glory pointed up at a column of crystal set in the wall. The huge, quartz column glowed softly with refracted light it seemed to carry to the rest of the structure. The two guards silently nodded to each other, and headed back to where Big Mac waited.

"We were out of your sight, search us," Glory said sharply.

"Ma'am, your word," the stallion began.

"No, you want to be able to honestly say we didn't take anything. It's important." She carefully unpinned her hair and opened her saddle bags.

She smirked as he carefully pawed through her long mane and tail, as if searching for burrs or parasites, which was close enough to find anything gross. He emptied her saddle bags, and shied when she pointed out things he should rifle through. He left repacking to her and checked Shining Armor's, mane, tail and saddlebags.

"Please stay in here," Glory said, "The captain and I need to discuss a few things. Please be patient."

"Yes, ma'am," Big Mac said, obviously embarrassed at the search he'd just done.

Armor closed the door and evoked a privacy shield. "What was that about?"

"Two things, we're going to have to be above board, and I don't want him moving from that spot. So he can't eavesdrop, or look through any windows. That was the Crystal Vein, or I've been smoking Poison Joke."

"Yes. He's about a three-quarters of a mile out of Canterlot. The first half is straight-down. There's plenty of mine shafts and tunnels through the mountain. I agree, the monster and the translation team are better off being way out in plunky Ponyville, than an air chariot's ride from the capital," Armor said. "That bypass will be tempting enough, if there is a door into the mountain there. Getting him besieged by the nobles might be amusing to think about, but having him actually shoot some would be a nightmare. And that's just explaining to their Highnesses, I'd also have to face my sister and my mother." Armor shivered at the thought.

"Especially if they burn those books," Glory agreed. "We tell their Highnesses and no one else." She waited for him to nod. "How did he even know about this place?"

"Nistag had a lab down there, er, down here, while their Highnesses were in the Castle of the Pony Sisters," Armor said, then looked at the two confused expressions, "Don't be surprised, I knew who was stashed out there, and their history."

"There's still one door, and I think we'd better examine it too," Glory said and knocked on the front door, "Please join us." Big Mac had the door open before she'd finished.

The red stallion locked the door behind him and headed for the exit.

"I'm afraid we have to go through the first one," Armor said.

Big Mac stared at him. "It's a trap."

"Maybe so, but we still have to go through," Armor said.

Big Mac sat on his haunches and shook his head. "Bad idea."

"This may take a while," Armor said.

The griffon drained the last drops of melted ice cream from the sundae and placed it with the cluster of others while he rested his head on the table. Inducing an ice cream headache had not made the other headache any better. "Majesty, Highness, I can't report that, they'll think I've been drinking!"

"But you have," said the fourteen, small Pinkie Pie faces refracted through the sundae dishes.

He started away from the collection and saw only a single mare on the other side of the wall of dishes.

"You drank out of each of these when the ice cream got too melted," Pinkie said.

"I think they will assume I've been drinking something from Sweet Apple Acres," the griffon amended.

"We did promise full disclosure," Celestia said, "And you may encounter something similar. Now that Discord is involved."

"Your Highnesses, there are a lot of people in the government who believe Discord is a pony-myth. Part of the legend to support your claim to the throne. Even his recent actions did not reach into the griffon lands," the young griffon said. "I think I will keep the tale as a dream you had, that might have had some bearing on the ease of translation."

"Now they're blamin' the monster fer things someone else done," Applejack said angrily. "That bit us real hard."

"I am aware of the truth, Miss Applejack. I am also aware of the facts that my fellow griffons expect," he said, "Like regurgitated meat fed to chicks, my leadership likes a very stable, calm world. Without great shocks, like monsters dropping out of the sky, and Chaos Spirits changing butterflies to glass, and creatures threatening to invoke eternal night. Yes, I was in Baltimare when Discord 'improved' the city. The consulate security and 'residents' were the only force able to keep that swarm of flying monkeys away from the hospitals."

"How did you, oh," Fluttershy said.

"Cheer up, we do have those two examples of the alien writing," Twilight said, "That's good news."

"Yes. The first brick out of the wall. That is always the most difficult, and we have a willing helper. I understand it has mastered our numbers, and some of our mathematical notations."

"Yes, but it is physically unable to speak out language," Twilight said, "Even with a native speaker coaching it, it comes out a barely recognizable jumble."

"That could be overcome with the universe maritime code used by blinking lights between ships," the griffon said, suddenly all business, "It does limit who he could 'speak' with but that can't be helped. Also, we should stop calling it 'monster'. While technically correct, if it is a partner in our investigations, we need to reinforce that it is intelligent, and not a dangerous animal."

"How about Meatball!" Pinkie said.

"Good choice," Rainbow said and frowned, "He's probably got some in that cold box."

"Why not 'Big Guy'?" Spike asked as he pulled himself up on to the table, with a little help from Twilight. "It fits, and it's different enough from pony and griffon names that nopony is going to mistake it for one."

"It is rather bland for so dashing a champion," Rarity said, "I know, Tuxedo, something."

"He's only in the tuxedo one night, and they had ta cut him outta it," Applejack said and grinned at Spike who was caught between his point and wanting to assist Rarity.

"Lofty, towering, major, high, massive, alpine, vital, outlandish, substantial, eminent," Pinkie offered rapid fire.

"Where's Trixie?" Rarity said.

"She went back to the hospital to keep an eye on Big Guy," Luna said.

Big Mac was backing up the stair way as rear guard. Armor stood in the center and Glory took point. The stone corridor was wide enough to walk two abreast, the stairs were wide and shallow. But the ceiling was well above their heads.

"We should not be here," Big Mac said quietly, as if breaking the silence would bring disaster.

"We are here," Glory said as they arrived at a large door. No handle on this side, but no huge reinforcement either. "This is a stout door, but it's an interior door."

"Check it," Armor ordered as he pulled out the gear to check for magical tricks and traps.

Glory was taking out her gear. Big Mac was looking every which way, seeing nothing to explain his worry.

After several moments, Armor began packing the gear away. "I can't believe it, no defenses," Armor said.

"Believe it," Glory said, "I can't find anything either. Ah, okay, maybe the corridor is shielded, and the rooms at both ends. So, don't let the door close."

"Let's get their Highnesses," Big Mac said, "This worries me."

"Yeah, well, we're professionals," Armor said, "And we're scared too. But I don't want to endanger the princesses. If Discord is faking his redemption, this is going to put a big exclamation point on it."

"I want to go home alive either way," Big Mac said as he looked around.

"It's just a latch," Glory said of her examination of the door, "An old unicorn trick, the latch is completely inside the door."

"Open it," Armor said and looked around. "It's okay Big Macintosh, I think he's enjoying how scared he gets us, over nothing."

"Yep," the stallion replied.

"Ah, Captain, Mister Macintosh, I think you need to see this," Glory said as she peered around the door.

"What is it Lieutenant?" Shining Armor asked as he headed forward. The red stallion backed into the room, and stood in the open doorway. What was in the room and the sheer size of it made him turn around.

"There are more stuff toys in here than even I've got," Glory said as she looked around. The shelves reached into the darkness above, and a pair of chairs and a tea set stood in the center of the large room.

Armor walked over to a collection of stuffed toys he recognized. "These are the ones that were sold for charity after Elements defeated Discord."

"I've still got mine," Glory said as she walked up to Big Mac, "I'll hold the door." He nodded and walked inside, looking around carefully.

"Yeah, Twilie has hers, still in the original packaging, so she can offer them for charity herself later, much later," Armor said and chuckled.

"Some of these are old," Big Mac said as he looked closely at one that had the fur worn off and had pearl buttons for eyes. "But none have dust on them." Big Mac walked to the far end of the room. Glory sent a light after him to illuminate the area he walked in. "Captain," Big Mac called, "Please come here."

"What is it?" Armor asked as he headed over.

"These have been played with recently. Take note," Big Mac indicated a few hairs caught under one of the button eyes. "And this one," he said and the very different color of those hairs.

"Captain?" Glory asked.

"Stand fast, Lieutenant," Armor ordered as he carefully collected the hairs in a clear vial. "I should have listened, but I had to make sure it was safe."

"I could have tried to stop you," Big Mac offered.

"What's going on?" Glory called from the door.

"We're leaving, and we are in big trouble," Armor said as he walked out the door, closely followed by Big Macintosh.

"What did you two find?" Glory asked as the two spooked stallions passed through the door, and she closed it after them.

"These look like body hairs, not mane or tail, do you agree," Armor said as he showed vial with the hairs. Some were white with a faint pink tinge, and others were dark sapphire blue.

"Oh," Glory said, "It's been a pleasure to serve with you, sir."

"We could always use a few good farmhooves," Big Mac said, "You have references?" the farm pony said and smiled.

Glorious Mystery was not certain, in the service of the griffon lands, he'd dealt with a lot. Outside of this experience was one Twilight Sparkle, the sister of the Captain of the Royal Guard and personal student of her Majesty Celestia. The mare was so forcefully polite, but he wasn't certain that bunking with her in the town library was a good idea. "I'm sure that I can find somewhere. No reason to put you out."

"Nonsense. The Equestrian to Monster dictionary is here. All the reference works are here. If one of us gets an idea and needs the other's help, it's better than running all over town."

He decided to go for the embarrassing truth. "Miss Sparkle."

"Twilight," she said happily.

"Miss Sparkle. Have you ever heard a power saw called a 'griffon snore'?" he asked. "It applies."

She snickered. "Yes, I heard, and I shielded that room."

"Oh, thank you. If you have anything you want the paint removed from, you might want to just leave it in there," he said, feeling more relieved. "Do you mind if I copy the two letters?" The two pages floated over. "This should make things easier."

"Too bad there's not a code book," Miss Sparkle said.

"Codes aren't that easy. The other element we have to work on is an audible code. And of course explaining it." He briefly considered. "What happens if his hearing doesn't let him detect all the tones of Equestrian? We've been assuming that he can eventually understand us. There are plenty of animals who have different hearing ranges."

"He's tried to say my name, and he butchered it, but we can ask the nurses to run a hearing test," Miss Sparkle said, "I guess the math is the other element I'm interested in. How advanced is their math?"

"Better question, how thorough is our unified coverage? Things we couldn't make work, or things they couldn't cascading one on the other. The danger is, that people, yours and mine will object to using 'alien science'. Ironically, the more successful we are at discovery, the more likely they are to pull that card. Not a pleasant thought."

"I'll let the Princesses deal with that. We don't have the data yet," Miss Sparkle chided.

He nodded, accepting her hope that thing would go well.

It was well into the night when Armor walked to the command post where both Princesses were waiting. The small vial of hairs felt like it weighed a ton in his saddle bags. He'd let Big Mac return to his farm, and let Glory to return to the barracks where she would remain. I alone have to do this, he thought.

"We found where the door goes. There are actually three doors. One goes to the house, which is behind the Crystal Vein. I think we keep that one secret. The second goes to an alleyway in Canterlot. Although further tests on the safety of that route need to be performed." He steeled himself. "The last, goes to a room I believe both of you are familiar with, and I apologize for invading your privacy." He horned over the vial. "That room is a cenotaph, isn't it?"

Her Majesty looked at the hairs, then horned the vial over to Luna. "Yes," Celestia said, "A memorial to many who have gone before."

"I admit, finding my sister and her friends represented was rather unnerving," Armor said. "Until I realized what it was. I apologize for intruding on your memories." He bowed.

"Thank you," Celestia said, "And thank you for your discretion."

"If I may say, from what Trixie said about your vacation, you are lonely. Aren't you, your Highnesses?" Armor said cautiously, "Like mayflies, we intrigue you just enough, that you desperately miss us when we're gone."

"Yes," Luna said wistfully.

"I'll have a crew secure those other two doors. I think the monster would be discreet, but someone else might not be." Armor bowed and left.

As he walked away, he wondered. What would it be like, to know I'd still be there, when everyone I cared about would be gone? he considered, I don't think Discord will get away Scott-free for his part in revealing that secret. But I may have a word with Twilie, about letting her Majesty be a little more affectionate with her. I think she needs it.

Day 18

Twilight heard the scratching at her window, and spotted the yellow and pink pegasus. Fluttershy? she wondered why the usually timid pegasus wouldn't simply walk through the front door. Probably saw we were closed, but this makes no sense.

"Fluttershy," she said quietly although the 'snore-proofing' had a limited effect both ways.

"Please come to my house as quickly as you can," Fluttershy said and was headed away in an instant.

And people think she can't fly well, Twilight thought as she searched the sky for the now-vanished pegasus. She took a little time to write a note to her guest, and run a brush through her mane, before teleporting to Fluttershy's home.

She heard the faint sound of snoring, and wondered if there was a gap in the spell on the griffon's room that let the rest of Ponyville hear it. She smirked as the fast moving pegasus shied when she saw Twilight already waiting for her.

"Oh, hi Twilight, you teleported, didn't you?" Fluttershy said as she landed beside her.

"You said 'quickly'," Twilight replied, "What's the emergency?"

"Be gentle," Fluttershy said as she entered her house as delicately as she usually entered a stranger's. Sleeping on her couch was Rainbow Dash. Angel, with a large and badly dented pan, and a spoon stood on the couch waiting.

Fluttershy nodded. Twilight braced for the racket, but Angel managed a quiet, but fair approximation of the Wonderbolt's theme song. Rainbow was instantly awake and eager, rather then her usual post-awakening condition.

" 'Shy, I said not to tell anyone," Rainbow said and visibly drooped.

"You said 'not just anyone', Twilight isn't just anyone. I could tell Applejack, or Pinkie Pie," Fluttershy offered, "Or Rarity."

"No, no, Twilight's fine," Rainbow said desperately. Then all the bluster and bravado bled out of her.

"Are you all right, Rainbow?" Twilight asked as she trotted over.

"I'll get the tea," Fluttershy said, "Come on, Angel."

Rainbow spared a glance at Fluttershy and sighed. "I guess this looks pretty pathetic."

"That depends why you're here," Twilight said, "Fluttershy seems to think there is a problem."

"Yeah," Rainbow said and sat on couch, "But I don't think talking about it is going to do any good."

Twilight glanced around the inside of Fluttershy's home, and realized her usual impulse to organize wasn't there. As always, the place was perfectly in balance. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you."

Rainbow Dash mumbled something. The scene reminded Twilight of her first meeting with Fluttershy. "Should I get Spike?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow sighed. "What good are we Twilight? Us, as ponies, not us as the Elements of Harmony?" Rainbow heaved another sigh. "I mean, everything that just happened. Why didn't we see it, why weren't we ready for it, and why did someone else have to help us fix it?"

"That's what friends do," Twilight offered, "And I don't think anyone really expected all that to happen. Not the Guards, not the Princesses, and not us. But that it wasn't expected isn't what's bothering you, is it?"

"I, hate, losing," Rainbow said bitterly, "The guards and Princess Luna managed to threaten Pinkie into protecting the monster. Then even they couldn't protect him, somebody snatched him out from under their noses, and ours. Suddenly we couldn't do anything right. The bad guy was one step ahead of us, and always had us looking in the wrong direction. There were only two people who seemed to have a handle on things. The monster, who we were supposed to be protecting, and Discord, who is supposed to be a bad guy."

"Maybe they attended the club meetings," Fluttershy offered as she set a tea tray on an end table near Rainbow Dash. "Tea will be a little bit." She walked off.

"You don't believe that and neither do I," Rainbow whispered to Twilight.

"You're taking this awfully hard," Twilight said, "We won, in the end. Discord's plan, if he had one, couldn't have worked without us. I don't think the monster planned this, he was probably like Daring-Do, making things up as he went."

"He got those two papers you and the Princess were so excited about," Rainbow said, "And that was no fight, it was an ambush. He couldn't trust us enough to do our job, so he turned us to stone until he needed us. That wasn't 'making it up as you go'. Doesn't it bug you."

"Not really. Well, not much," Twilight said, and enjoyed Rainbow's perplexity, while Fluttershy poured the tea. "I was happily studying magic with my mentor, with no ambition beyond increasing my magical knowledge beyond what it had been the day before. Then I got a busy-work assignment to check on a festival I hadn't even planned to attend. Before I could be rid of all the crazies and weirdos I had to deal with and get back to my studies, I had to collect a selection of the creme de la crazy, and go face something so powerful that even Celestia couldn't defeat it forever. Those same crazy, wonderful ponies kept me from dying, and we didn't destroy the Nightmare, we rescued her Majesty's long-lost sister. And now I can't think of ever being without those same frustrating, wonderful friends again. This has been another disaster, no one could have expected it, and no one could have been ready for it. We all were distracted by the obvious, and missed the other ways things could have worked. Just like now."

"Now?" Fluttershy asked as she poured the tea.

"Yes. The Big Guy didn't kill any of them, not even Nightmare. He let us deal with them our way," Twilight explained, "That's the victory we should be proud of. As hard as he fought, he let us and our laws and customs deal with those villains. Bad guys come and go, making a friend understand that something is important no matter how silly you might think it is, that's a victory."

"Yeah, I guess," Rainbow admitted, and accepted a hug from Fluttershy. "I guess I've been moping all this time because I can't help. I'm no egghead, and when it came to the fight, the Big Guy and Discord handed it to us mostly done."

Twilight considered. "Actually, do you have any books on aerobatics?"

"Twilight, Rainbow Dash here, books for eggheads," the cyan pegasus reminded her.

"Actually, I thought you could write to the Wonderbolts' leader Spitfire, and ask for her recommendations on books full of diagrams of aerial moves. I saw a big, thick book the Big Guy had, with that kind of diagram on the dust jacket. Just think," Twilight mused while ignoring Dash's wide-open enthusiasm, and Fluttershy's delicate giggling, "You could catalog all the aerial maneuvers his people know, and be the first one to tell the Wonderbolts about aerial maneuvers nopony has ever heard of."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," Rainbow said as she hugged Twilight fiercely, "Sorry, gotta go, letters to write." And she was gone.

"Thank you, Twilight," Fluttershy said as she gave her a more gentle hug, "She was pretty depressed."

"I was feeling pretty bad about all this myself," Twilight admitted in the depths of the pink mane, "But it all turned out okay, and we'll be ready for it next time."

"There's be a next time?" Fluttershy whimpered. A moment later they were both under Fluttershy's bed. The whimpering pegasus hadn't let go.

"Gee, and I thought only unicorns could teleport," Twilight observed.

Celestia entered Sugarcube Corners, and with all the dignity of her age and office raised a bare hoof to Pinkie Pie. "Beep."

With a gravitas none one would have believed she had, Pinkie hopped onto the counter and touched the sovereign's nose. "Beep."

The Cakes and most of the customers were staring so hard they were in danger of setting the place on fire.

"So, cupcakes, muffins, cookies?" Pinkie said, then with a leer, "Triple-chocolate, fudge-iced seven-layer cake with raspberry filling?"

"Fifty-six should do, and have the guard prepare the royal wheelbarrow," Celestia said. Celestia continued as Mr. Cake fainted, "I have sent to the capital for a larger support staff. Including a cook/nutritionist for Big Guy and our griffon. The medical staff warned us about certain flowers we eat all the time. So I thought you wouldn't mind showing them the town, where food can be bought, and welcoming them."

"Your Highness," Mrs. Cake offered to not offend either participant, "Ah, shouldn't they get settled in, before the welcome party?"

"After the last few days, I want the welcome party, before they are settled," Celestia said, "A full Pinkie special. But load the confetti in the cannons, and the cake batter in the oven. I'll have Twilight check on that personally."

"Understood, I'll give them a real Pinkie Pie Welcome to Ponyville Welcome!" the pink mare saluted, Celestia returned it and walked out.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake considered the effect of a full blown Pinkie Pie on the newcomers. "She's either a sadist, or a genius," Mrs. Cake admitted, "I can't figure out which."

Sir Eagle Bell, the head of the Equestrian civil service had always agreed that the grit must be removed from the gears of government to ensure things ran smoothly. What he disagreed with was that grit was always unuseful. The three before him were a prime example.

Holly Hock was the first. A brilliant chef and nutritionist, but while the leaf on her flank was holly, the hock was ham. "Holly Hock, your brilliance with meat dishes is well noted. Your absence from the staff preparing for a griffon diplomatic event conveys Royal displeasure more clearly than would a team of commandos landing in their capital, and burning it to the ground. However, the guests in Ponyville require your talents far more that we at the capital."

"I shall do my best, sir," the chef said.

"I'm sure you will," the bureaucrat said, "And I thank you for the salad recipe. It seems it's completely dealt with my anemia. I just wish my niece didn't think that me eating it somehow made me 'wicked cool'."

"Just a salad, with a few ingredients most would rather not think about. Your niece has learned to prepare it for you," Holly Hock said, "I should say your younger niece."

"Yes," he said, then glared at the next one in line, a guard pegasus whose squeaky voice and slight build often had her mistaken for a filly. "Corporal Forget-me-not, you are being sent away from the glittering jewel of Equestria: the elite ponies, the stage shows, the night scene, the opera, the ballet, and the sophisticated restaurants to tantalize the most jaded pallets. To be banished to pedestrian, podunk Ponyville where the only entertainment once the sun goes down is reading a book, where the chance of finding fine cuisine is minuscule, and you'll be tasked to both guard and help translate the library of a monster who happily eats flesh and apparently kills to defend ponies. You could at least have the decency to act like you're being punished."

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again!" The pegasus' grin vanished and she saluted.

The old bureaucrat looked at the third member, the one he regretted sending. "Glory, I know you 'want' to go, but you have nothing to prove. Not to anyone who cares about you."

"Except to myself," Glory Belle said, "I want to be there when the engineering discoveries are made, Sir Bell."

He frowned at that. "Of all the family, and the entire military, you're one of the few I'd tolerate being 'Eagle', you insist on 'Sir Bell', why?"

"Because all those false faces who insist on using it without having the right have diminished it. Better to do what I do instead," the unicorn mare said, "And a little formality keeps the game going a little longer. Don't be worried. And if Aunt Marigold decides I need a 'proper' coltfriend, there's a major land holder out there, one of a family closely associated with her Majesty that I will be 'consulting' with."

"And when she demands to meet this pony?" Eagle asked.

"I shall have her coordinate with Miss Pinkie Pie to plan the welcome party," Glory said deadpan. She looked at her favorite uncle with an starkly stoic expression.

The first crack was Eagle's snort. Both broke up in guffaws, leaving Holly Hock to smile and Forget-me-not to look on worriedly.

"Think Prince what's-his-face and polo," Holly offered, and was rewarded with horrible comprehension.

The niece and uncle's laughter faded to occasional spurts. "I think I would like to be present when that meeting occurs," Eagle said, "And their Highnesses too far away to save them."

"Agreed," Glory said as she looked at her troops. "I think I'd better warn them about the more colorful citizens."

"Ma'am, that Twilight Sparkle and her magical hiccups fit in, is a good warning," Forget-me-not offered."

"True," Holly agreed.

The good, night's sleep had left the young griffon famished when he rose. The dragon had simply stated that the mare of the house was off studying something for Princess Celestia, and that their subject was still unconscious. That had left him time to evade the dragon's attempts to 'keep him safe' in the library, and go explore the town. First observation, most of these ponies are not early risers, he thought a hint smugly, as he wandered over to one of the few eating places open at this hour. Yep, it smells like a bakery, but I'd rather get a few biscuits and some coffee on my own, than stay inside. I'll get to get the locals used to seeing me wandering, and I need to see if I can place a dead drop or two for my findings.

The small number of patrons, and the couple who ran the place seemed only slightly confused to see a griffon. "Do you have biscuits, and Blue Mountain coffee?" he asked, and watched their expressions turn to horror. "Muffins are okay in a pinch," he offered desperately.

The sound of someone blowing bubbles through a bubblepipe drew his attention. "We take pinching muffins very seriously here," the pink mare in the deerstalker cap told him.

"I wasn't going to steal them, Miss Pie," he replied.

"Pinching steel muffins is even worse," she pronounced and blew more bubbles through her pipe.

He remembered his briefing from intelligence, and realized they hadn't been kidding. Maybe they are right about the rest, he thought desperately.

"Oh feathers, a wild Maguffin! I must get my paint!" he shouted as he pointed, then dashed out of the store. Three alleys and a short flight to the top of the town hall later he glanced around, then in a fit of irrational paranoia, looked into the bell at the center of the tower.

"How ya gonna do that, you don't have any paint?" the bell clapper asked him, and blew more bubbles through her bubble pipe.

An insane dash of speed and he was on a cloud. "It was an earth pony," he breathlessly reminded himself, "It can't get me up here."

"You spook pretty easy for a spy," came a voice from behind him, and again the bubble pipe.

"Who says I'm a spy?" he asked, trying to turn the tables on his pink pursuer, who couldn't possibly be hanging from a baby alligator wh owas floating suspended by a bakers dozen of balloons.

"Your uncle," she replied and blew more bubbles.

Luna watched the forms for the concrete going up. The mayor had come up with the eminently practical solution of building a small shelter and insetting the door into one of the walls. The picnic tables were also going up, the small piece of ground being somewhat park-like. In the distance, all the observer corps' bunkers were being filled in and the grass trampled to death in the weeks of activity being replanted with flowers and other plants to generate a garden maze.

It gives him a little privacy, and gives the Ponyvillians a reason to stay somewhat close, Luna thought as she watched the work. And I should try harder not to think about the possibility of the aristocracy finding out where the house really is. Ponyville also is a layer of armor that all the bits in Equestria couldn't buy. Most of the nobles look on this place with a horror that matched whatever our monster showed those other villains. That should keep them at bay. If they learn they can stay within a stone's throw of Canterlot, he'll never get a moment's peace.

She walked the short distance to the command bunker. There she saw a sight she had grown used to, but the member of the family was different. "And you accuse your sister of studying too hard?" Luna asked Shining Armor as the stallion hunched over a desk overflowing with diagrams only he could possibly understand.

"Highness," he said and bowed slightly, sending a few papers drifting, "Rainbow Dash brought up a very good point. We were taken completely by surprise, and we have no one to blame but ourselves. I was diagraming the decisions we made, and where we went wrong. It does us no good if we don't profit from our mistakes." He directed his horn at the escaped papers and they returned to where they belonged.

"You may be taking things too personally. Neither I nor Celestia saw through the deceit," Luna admonished, "And if we were fooled, you have no shame in being fooled."

"It's being fooled again that I'm objecting to," Armor replied. "Highness, we had more than enough evidence for Nightmare's return. But we got ourselves into thinking about everything in terms of the monster. Bad dreams, must be his fault. A foalnapping, can't be connected."

"That Nightmare was directing us in that direction also has to be taken into account," Luna replied. "You could not have known that beforehand."

"It was still sloppy thinking on our part," Armor replied. "We all reacted as she wished, and we shouldn't have."

"Don't study it too hard, or you'll be thinking Cadence is a monster in disguise," Luna said.

Armor smirked at that. "I already checked her out," Armor replied in a parody of his serious and on-duty manner. "It's the secondary aspects of this that bother me. We have a somewhat unusual individual. One trained in problem solving. Rather than accept that rather mundane reality, which fits the data rather better, we assume he has to be some kind of Batmare or Mare Do Well character. I could probably do tricks of logistics and tactics that would seem supernatural to a junior officer or civilian. But that comes from almost a decade of education and experience. You and your sister spin webs that leave me in the dust. Political acumen is not an alicorn power, but having experience with what works and what doesn't from pure longevity is. We don't know how old our friend is. If he'd a spry oldster, he could simply have a huge life experience to drawn on. He also could be smart enough to confront every problem with his strengths. The only time he pitted brute strength against brute strength was against Applejack, who was trying to tickle him. He lost, but gave as good as he got because of using his advantages."

"He also tried that against Celestia in the dream. She was nearly two heads taller than he was and almost as strong as her native form. Which is considerably greater than even yours or Big Macintosh's strength. He lost, but I suspect it was the unwillingness to give up that he was displaying."

"That's the other frightening possibility. That he's been losing, where he loses, to divert us," Armor added.

"If you are assuming he's a threat," Luna said, "Allow me to assure you that he is a good deal more fragile than any pony. Granny Smith is less rickety than he is. A big part of why Fluttershy is so enamored, was she saw this fragility, his attempt to set it aside, and she was drawn to it. I got to see and discuss a similar situation myself."

"Highness, what you, her Majesty, and the player did or did not do is neither my business, nor of any interest to me," Armor said carefully. "And considering what the nobles talk about when they think the guards are deaf statues, no answer will be good. If you did, you are a pervert. If you didn't, you are a prude." He swallowed and proceeded carefully. "If you didn't on his request, you should have forced yourself on him, and possibly intentionally hurt him in the process. To either show him who is boss, or so he might be more receptive when they use him for 'political' purposes."

Luna hadn't felt this angry in a long time. "I should force compliance, and wound a partner, simply so when they try to force themselves on him, he might be more malleable?" she asked as carefully as he had offered what he had heard. "Discord isn't that foul. I'm almost glad that - thing- lodged himself in the Big Guy's mind. To watch his back."

"Highness, I have had to listen to 'Molestia' comments about her Majesty and my own sister, for several years. I think I can understand exactly what you feel. But those same fools who would think nothing of talking like that, would faint if someone accused them of using a dessert fork to eat a salad. They aren't the majority, but no one silences them, so they feel free to chatter like that without fear," Armor said, "That is why I advise you to not discuss what actually happened even among yourselves."

"Thank you," Luna said and marched out of the command post before she started demanding that the officer name names.

The young griffon had given up. Everywhere I go, somewhere there is either a deerstalker cap poking out of concealment, or the sound of a bubble pipe. And so far, every likely spot for a dead drop already has something hidden in it. Medical kits I could understand, but who hides eyepatches and rubber balls in the knot of a tree high in the air?

He sat on the edge of a cloud, the deerstalker cap behind him and the two eyes peered out of a fold in the cloud. Mentally he began to compose the message that he could send through ordinary channels. To my commanding officer, I have already met the local station chief who is incredibly persistent and resourceful.

'Dear Uncle, the people here are very friendly.'

The existing dead drop plan will have to be scrapped and all sensitive messages passed face-to-face or through the diplomatic bag.

'The food here is barely acceptable, I wouldn't mind an occasional care package of granny's home cooking.'

They have only restricted my access to the monster due to his present medical condition.

'I have done some sightseeing, but there aren't too many sights to see.'

I will continue my mission.

'Affectionately, your nephew'

He glanced back and the small alligator was gumming the hat seated on the cloud.

All the ponies here are crazy.

'P.S. The weather is as described.'

He saw three pegasus had surrounded him, and all seemed to be watching him as if he were the only interesting thing in the world. All the ponies here are totally crazy.

He mentally scratched out his postscript and added, 'P.S. The weather was exactly as described.' He wrote the letter quickly and dropped off the cloud. He dove straight for the post office. The two pegasi tried to keep pace. One pegasus not only tried to keep pace, but actually outran him to arrive first.

Two bits says she's behind the counter, he thought and opened the door. I won.

"Which is cheaper, posting this to the griffon mission in Canterlot, or straight to the griffon lands?"

"The griffon lands, but I'd post it to the mission," the gray pegasus explained, "We don't guarantee delivery in the griffon lands. Some of the locals like spooking the letter carriers and eating the mail," the gray pegasus said. "Maybe you could put a word in, seeing as you're gonna be sending supersecret stuff back to your bosses in the griffon lands. You being a spy and all."

"Why does everyone think I'm a spy?" he asked.

"We had a 'welcome spies' party for you and your friend last night while you were asleep. I delivered your invitation myself," the pegasus said, "Twilight didn't let Pinkie collect you, saying you needed your sleep. So you've been invited as a guest to the 'welcome spies' for the Canterlot bunch coming in a few days." She slid an invitation over to him.

Dear uncle, what have I done to offend you so? he wondered.

Bored, bored, bored bored, bored, Discord thought as he languished. I seriously overplayed it with Celestia. I never knew she was such a cuddle bug. He dismissed the faint jealousy. Although, it was amusing watching those other two. That braggart was so terrified of falling under his spell that she never let herself be alone with him, and she acted even more skittish than he ever did. Even when 'Molestia' was chasing him around. And he thought she was gonna kill him and defile his corpse, or the other way around. He giggled at that thought in the silence of his host's mind. Then memories that disturbed even him rose up unbidden. Back! Back! he mentally shouted and cracked a whip, but on they came. Those 'trust exercises' he insisted on, and Celestia at first thought were so wonderful. Guiding the poor, blindfolded dear safely across the landscape I can understand. Luna carrying him aloft while Celestia stood ready to catch him if he fell. Those I could understand. He shuddered as the next memory foisted itself off on him. Letting her hold him at the bottom of the swimming hole, with only her magically restored breath allowing him to breathe, Discord remembered and shuddered again, That goes beyond insanity. Of course once Celestia understood the basic rules, she had to maximize things. Tickling him until he blew out his breath, and restoring it instantly with her own. Extending the time far beyond the proposed ten minutes. Those were all classic Celestia. Of course I nearly died laughing when he explained that drowning is one of his kind's most primal fears. The closest thing in Equestria to what they'd been doing would be to set some pony on fire, and backing up telling her that it would not hurt or burn. Discord shuddered again at the idea that anyone would face their deepest fear, with only the good will of an enemy between them and death. Well, I did tell him Celestia wasn't like that . . . and he actually listened to me? He trusted both of us? No, he couldn't have! It's impossible. They must have told him about me. They must have explained. He's not stupid. But, he believed me and acted on what I told him. Discord considered. All right. I have to do something completely and totally rotten to redeem my reputation!

'Discord,' he heard from outside his prison. Sounds and smells being the only senses that penetrated the comatose mind. And the monotony of both had been maddening.

Ah Celly, so lonely, come to see me, he thought, and then realized he couldn't respond. I'm going to have to do something about that.

"Discord," he heard, "Before I return to Canterlot, I just wanted to say a few things."

Yes, I'll be good, and wash behind my ears, gag me! he replied.

"If you hurt him," Celestia said.

Oh, she actually feels something for him, and I was so hoping to kindle something. Poor Luna, always the bridesmaid, never the bride, Discord chuckled.

"If you hurt him, Discord," Celestia continued, "I won't save you."

Oh threats, Celestia, huh, what? Won't save me? Discord thought.

"Whatever he does to you, will be on your head," Celestia told him, "I might plead with him to keep you alive, but others will see in retrospect, it will not be one of my most merciful actions." She chuckled happily. "Enjoy yourself."

Oh very droll! he wanted to shout, I'm not afeared of this upstart! Who came up with the plan that held those maniacs enthralled. Who thinks the atomic bombs were the lesser of two evils. Who actually read and compared Mein Kampf and Rules for Radicals. Discord looked around his not so empty dungeon. Celestia! Don't go! Don't leave me alone in here! Please. He mentally stuffed himself in a corner, and tried to watch every shadow. They moved, when he wasn't watching. And somehow, he knew, they were laughing at him.

Twilight looked at the mages of the Academy who'd come to help, to Princess Celestia, and to the monster's friends. "Part of his recovery is a lack of life energy, we will donate a tiny part of ours, and he will recover more swiftly." The chanting began, and the spell wrapped itself around the monster. As the power built, a glow surrounded the monster.

The spell wound down, and the glow faded. To her horror, a male alicorn sat up from the bed. His mane was a horribly distorted version of Rainbow's, especially in that each band of color clashed horribly with the bands near it. His coat wasn't a single color either.

"I've never seen a paisley stallion before," Celestia said, trying desperately not to start laughing.

The stallion in question woke, hale, hearty, paisley coat and clashing-rainbow mane. He fixed Twilight with a look of vague resignation. "Twi, wake up. It's time for the party, those folks from Canterlot are here and nopony's seen hide nor hoof of Pinkie."

Twilight opened her eyes and looked around the inside of the library, then at Applejack standing beside her. "I didn't turn the monster into a paisley alicorn."

Applejack carefully sniffed the half-empty teacup standing on the desk near Twilight. "Yeah, it was a dream."

"Very funny. I just wonder where our griffon friends went," Twilight said, "You don't suppose . . . I mean the last griffon Pinkie met, they didn't exactly hit it off."

"This one's a boy griffon. Not like the lady griffon they had a party for last night," Applejack said. "She seemed well-behaved, and I ain't seen her since last night neither." Applejack shrugged. "Maybe these are Canterlot folk you met when you lived there."

"I wasn't exactly social," Twilight admitted and blushed.

"These are palace folks, maybe you ran into them there," Applejack said and headed for the door. There she paused to look back at Twilight. "Come on," she urged, as if to a nervous animal.

Twilight sighed at her friend's grin. "I'm not that bad," she complained to her grinning friend.

Mystery had finally had enough. His pursuer, whom he'd mistakenly assumed was a pink court jester, had provided him enough details on Svetlanna's appearance that he knew she'd been tagged. So he set out to relieve her of duty. I'm sorely pressed to scrub the entire mission. If they know what I'm really here for, there'll be too much security. And I was looking forward to this, he thought as he walked to the last of the rally points, the one where they could escape from any pursuit.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw her again. She was everything a griffon was supposed to be, and more. Not the least reason I would have liked working with her, he thought. Everything about her, from her feathers, to her stance, even her scent screamed 'powerful female'.

But not now, he thought, She looks beaten. He had the irrational urge to give the poor griffon a hug, then suspected his evisceration would follow.

The hay bale with the deerstalker cap and tiny alligator was still in sight. He decided to give the ponies an explanation they would happily buy off on. "Sveti!" he called out the code phrase.

She looked terrifically hopeful, and ran to his side as the hay bale and alligator watched. "Oh Mystery, this can't work. I know you convinced your uncle to let me help, but they discovered me." She threw herself on him and hugged him tightly. "I know this can never work. You're a noble family, I'm just a poor griffon living out a schoolgirl fantasy."

This isn't part of the 'Sveti' script of starcrossed lovers, Mystery thought of the beautiful griffon in his arms sobbing her heart out, And this is far too elaborate for an improvisation.

"Carry out your mission for our people. I will return, and accept my punishment," she told him nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

"Ah," he managed, trying to separate mission and cover from what was obviously going on here.

Adding the pink forelegs and a second, sobbing female around his neck didn't help matters. "WAAH, I didn't know you were sneaking around to see your special some, griffon! WAAH!"

Mystery looked from one to the other, felt breathing becoming difficult but not impossible with the limbs around his neck. The insanity of this place must be contagious! he concluded.

"Oh, Pinkie, great party," a white unicorn mare in guard's armor called to the trio. "We all enjoyed it."

"WHAT!?" the pinkie mare gasped and nearly teleported to the unicorn's side. Fortunately she left both griffons behind. "The party already started?" she asked, right in the unicorn's face.

"The party already ended, all that -"

"AAAUGH!" And the pink mare vanished.

The unicorn looked up at the moon just peeking over the horizon. "Glory Belle, I'm in charge of the investigation into the 'Big Guy's' knowledge. You must be Glorious Mystery, and you must be the famous Sand Cobra."

"If such a spy were famous, they must not be very good," the female griffon said.

Despite the rescue, she still hasn't released her grip, thought Mystery, I don't know if I should be pleased or worried.

"You are that good. You forget, everything that happens under the sun Celestia sees, and everything that happens under the moon Luna sees. But that's beside the point. The government of Equestria, and we'll get official concurrence from your people's government, requests that you stay on. We've gotten fooled, and an expert on not getting fooled would be helpful. You can also teach him a little of that meditative fighting art."

"Iron Willows?" the female griffon said. She finally relased Mystery and stood on her own.

"Exercise, mental focus," Glory said, "And a way to bribe him to help the griffons. He seems to figure out that he's being manipulated. And ironically, he seemed extremely suspicious when he isn't."

"Wait a feather-pickin' minute," Mystery interjected, "He doesn't mind some blatant manipulation, but gets suspicious when there isn't any?"

"Maybe he figures it's the cost of doing business," Glory replied, "I'm only reporting what we've seen. He doesn't have a problem with us being blatantly curious, but gets edgy when we've tried to be clever about it. Better to be up front about it or something that gives credible deniability to the effort and his response. Also, what better job for a bodyguard?"

"You want a close-in guard, don't you ponies have one already?" the female griffon asked.

"Not a professional, and she is an entertainer, not a fighter. He lacks the brute strength for any of the pony martial arts. So giving him a way to defend himself, without his rather lethal toys, would be to all our benefit," Glory said.

"Aren't you afraid I'll steal some special knowledge?" the she-griffon asked.

Glory shook her head. "I don't think he'll play favorites. His home is still in Equestrian territory, and I think his feelings about the alicorn sisters trumps any tie you could bind." Glory smiled. "Besides, I think Holly Hock will appreciate three customers rather than two."

"Holly Hock has been sent here?" Mystery gasped.

"Yep, to keep you, now you two, and our friend healthy. I think that you'll find this close to the Everfree, your meals will take on the aura of more home cooking," Glory said. She braced herself and breached the subject she'd been dreading, "I also need you to keep an eye on our friend, because I can't get a handle on whether he thinks this is all unreal, and therefore doesn't matter, or if he's suicidal and doesn't care if he is wounded or dies. Older griffons who can't hunt will sometimes come down with the same fatalistic attitude." She saw she needed to explain. "He was captured by Nightmare, of Nightmare Moon fame, Tirek who your people know well, Nistag and several others. They were planning to release Discord, which they did. Our friend managed to manipulate all of them into a set-piece battle with the Elements of Harmony. And stood right in the middle of the effect. First, Princess Luna has told us that isn't the most pleasant experience in the world. Second, considering several of the people he was dealing with faced it themselves, he had to know what would happen to him when it hit."

"And third, what are we supposed to do?" Mystery asked, then noticed the stare between the unicorn and the she-griffon. "I think I don't want to know," he concluded.

"Nothing dirty," Glory said, "But definitely manipulative. Our governments want what he knows, and want his input on certain sensitive programs that are stalled. We need him alive and cooperative for that."

"Agreed," Sveti said grimly, "So aside from being a loyal dog, what are my duties?"

"I wouldn't dream of placing myself inside your chain of command. But I think just generally keeping him on an even keel would serve all of us."

Sveti nodded. "Agreed. What of the spy hunter?"

"Pinkie Pie?" Glory said and looked shocked. "I hate to tell you, she's not part of the security service. She's just local color. She saw you skulking around and in her world view, you had to be a spy. We knew he was being sent as a spy, you were just the first griffon she saw. And as for the greeting you both got, talk to Cranky Doodle Donkey about the greeting he got. She incinerated a 40-year-old photo album in an effort to befriend him. I could live a long time avoiding finding out what she'd do to an enemy."

"Pinkie," Mystery said, "I've heard about this place. I thought it was propaganda, until now."

"Believe me, she isn't the weirdest thing in Ponyville," Glory admitted, "Not by a long shot. And that was true even before the monster came."

Pinkie charged into the town hall as Twilight, the Cakes and Fluttershy cleaned up the last of the streamers. "Did they have fun?" Pinkie demanded of Twilight, then raced over to Fluttershy. "Did they have fun?" Pinkie asked Fluttershy, then raced to the Cakes. "Did they have fun?" she demanded, and raced towards Twilight. She stopped this time, because Twilight was holding her off the ground.

"Yes, everypony had fun," Twilight said, then added, "Not as much fun as if you'd been here, but everypony had fun."

"And I missed it?!" Pinkie Pie said and sniffled.

Twilight got her umbrella up before the torrent began. She waited patiently for Pinkie's tears to die down. "Where were you anyway?" Twilight hadn't expected Pinkie's tears to resume, but she was prepared. Her umbrella got another soaking, and Fluttershy began sweeping all the water out the door.

"The griffon spy we spotted yesterday was really the second griffon's marefriend, and she's only here to be with him. Only my catching both of them means that they'll be separated and miserable! And it's all my fault! WAAHH!" Pinkie announced.

Twilight sighed and patiently waited for Pinkie to unwind. Glory poking her head in drew Pinkie's attention, but Twilight still held her off the ground. The pink, party mare still managed to turn around.

"Are they going to stay, are they still friends, have I ruined their lives, can a swallow still carry a coconut while migrating, and where did all this water come from, does the roof leak?" Pinkie asked.

"She sounds like the DI I had the first day," Glory replied, "Yes, by royal arrangement. No, but I don't think they were exactly friends to begin with. Like her Majesty Celestia and Twilight aren't friends. No, they still have that in their claws. Zebafrican or Equestrian? When hydrogen and oxygen love each other very much, and there's nothing out here to leak through the roof." Glory sighed and grinned. "I still got it. She's staying on as a body servant, and close-in guard. After our lapses of the last few days, we're going to have to keep someone closer."

"Closer that Trixie?" Twilight asked, "She was sleeping in his hospital bed. As his pillow, when last I checked."

"Does she know what to look for?" Glory replied, "If we were out on the road, and worried about highway ponies, she'd be the expert. But for fixed problems, I think Sveti's the way. Besides, she is also a fully-trained raven."

"I thought she was a griffon," Pinkie said.

Twilight was blushing too much to correct her friend. Glory saw Twilight's reaction, and realized as the sister of the Captain of the Guard, she would know exactly what a 'raven' was. "Uh, why is that an advantage? He still doesn't speak or understand our language. And I don't think the that he's, uh, vulnerable to her primary attack."

"She's going to attack him?" Pinkie said and burst free of Twilight's grip, "And I was feeling sorry for her! ARRRR!"

"Pinkie Pie," Glory said. "The raven is a special kind of agent trained to make her subjects, ah, comfortable, and willing to talk more openly. They're only bad griffons, if they're trying to make someone give up secrets they promised - "

"Pinkie Promised," Twilight interjected.

"Not to divulge. He wants to divulge some of his secrets, and we want to learn them," Glory said.

Pinkie's eyes were aflame. "They train griffons in how to make ponies break Pinkie Promises!?" Pinkie shouted.

Twilight had a flashback to the huge firebird she'd seen on the monster's home cinema.

"No one breaks a Pinkie Promise!" the pink balrog thundered from dozens of feet above them.

"Yes they do, and they are punished," Glory said firmly, facing the panting, pink mare without flinching. "But she's here to use her skills to help us. The difference between you invading his house that first night, and setting up your pinkie mines after you talked to Sergeant Mile Stone. That's the difference between stealing secrets, and helping people pass them around who want to."

"All right," Pinkie panted, "But I'm gonna watch her like a pony really watching someone!"

"That's fine," Glory said. She let Pinkie by to march off into the night. The Cakes also departed. "Fluttershy," Glory said as she walked towards Twilight, "I need to know, what made you so certain he wasn't dangerous. Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense' is one thing, but you have a different set of instincts."

"Oh, he is dangerous, very," the yellow pegasus said happily, "Just not to ponies who don't try to hurt him. He's like a papa wolf with no cubs, and no shewolf. I was kind of hoping that Derpy would get closer. Dinky could use a father, even a nonpony, and he seems to like her too."

"Fluttershy," Twilight said, "When we were talking about ravens, you do know what we meant, don't you?"

The yellow mare sighed. "Twilight, I have a bunny in my home and he visits lady bunnies. I do know about those things. I just never thought that would work on ponies."

"It doesn't exactly. Everybody in Canterlot measures themselves against everybody else. Even the filly who snubbed me at my own Cutesenara," Glory said and raised an eyebrow at Twilight.

"Sorry, I guess I thought you were monopolizing Princess Celestia," she admitted.

"It was my party. For a brief few hours, I had every right to," Glory replied, "But that's my point, Fluttershy, in Canterlot proximity and time of interaction with their Highnesses and other powerful people is how they measure their importance. Having an alien flatter you, and urge you forward to meet the 'right' people can be very stimulating. When you're very stimulated, you don't think as carefully about doing the things you really should be doing and the things you shouldn't. That emotional manipulation is what we need, to make him feel safe, and to give him someone to vent with."

"That's assuming we can get him to talk," Twilight pointed out.

"They don't necessarily need to be able to talk, but to emotionally support him," Glory said. "Fluttershy, that's where you come in. You seem to have an uncanny ability to read his moods. I know it's easy, but none of the rest of us can do it. Would you be willing to teach Sveti, that's the she-griffon's name, some things to watch for?"

"I guess," Fluttershy managed, tried to hide in her mane. "I didn't have a good experience with Gilda."

"I assure you, Sveti is a professional. She won't be like Gilda," Glory said. "I think you'll find she's a good student, and you might like to learn a few things from her."

Fluttershy blushed and shook her head.

Glory whispered something to the cowering pegasus.

Fluttershy perked up. "She could, really?"

"If you're willing to learn. It's part of her most basic training, being polite," Glory said.

"I don't think Fluttershy has a problem with that," Twilight said sardonically.

"Oh no, she might help me be more, assertive," Fluttershy offered the last as if ashamed. "I sometimes can't tell ponies what I want to. Someday it might really hurt somepony."

"I think an exchange of lessons might be the ticket," Glory said. She shook her head to stave off a yawn that came anyway. "Well, that's enough playing Celestia's junior spy master for one day. I'm off to bed."

"I hope you don't mind bunking with Rarity," Twilight offered.

"We'll get the house for the newcomers set up, then I'll get my stuff moved in," Glory said and yawned.

"There's room in the library," Twilight offered.

"Not with a couple of courting griffons in there, there isn't," Glory said as she left.

"Good night Twilight," Fluttershy offered, "Uh, and tell your brother, what happened isn't his fault."

"Okay," Twilight said, "My brother?" She shut off the lights and headed for the former command post. The door and the concrete structure stood within the wooden forms. But the light from the command post drew her on. She saw the sight that more likely would have been her when her brother came to check on her. Shining Armor was asleep on the writing desk, his notes covering every table and flat space available. She smiled as she used her magic to lift him up without waking him or disturbing the papers.

How many times did he do this for me, before I became Celestia's student, and he started again after he was an officer of the guards? she wondered as she added a slight warmth to the field carrying his sleeping form.

The two griffons were awake, staring at each other. When she entered, Mystery headed upstairs to turn down the guest bed. Twilight slipped her brother between the covers and the pulled them over him. All without apparently disturbing him.

"Thanks," Shining Armor offered, and smiled, before settling into the bed.

The griffons withdrew into the sound-shielded room and closed the door. Twilight put aside the urge to eavesdrop and let her own weariness drag her to bed.

Day 19

Luna shuddered as she closed the door to 'the mausoleum'. Shining Armor called it a cenotaph, but I remember some of those ponies. Looking at them, I keep having the awful feeling that my sister turned them into stuffed animals before they could die, to resurrect them all later. I know that's not the case, but it seems wrong to let your memories dominate you like that. Or is it because she doesn't want those memories to fade? I think Discord knew exactly what he was doing putting access to our Royal chambers right through that room. The equipment securing the door to the corridor was easily disabled and removed from her side of the door. Why do I think he's laughing at me? the Lunar Diarch wondered as she walked down the corridor to the front door of the monster's house. She took a deep breath, and magicked open the locked portal. Inside were the book cases, the curio cabinets, the furniture shaped for his people and not ponies. The eerie similarity to pony-fashioned objects still bothered her. Did they create us? We use their tools. Are we a figment of their imaginations? The sharp contrast between good and evil in our society seems out of kilter with their more nuanced approach that each situation requires a new approach. Is that why Discord sided with him? To discover a way he could do what he wanted, and not receive punishment for it. To frustrate us with his antics, yet make himself the hero? If that's the case, how will we know if he's reformed, or is simply playing a more devious game. And to the ponies, will it matter?

She let her hooves take her to the bedroom and thoughts of their time in the recent dream. "Ha," she laughed at the awkwardness of the first night. "With only each other for warmth, and only our wings to avoid laying on the dirt, that was a comedy of errors, embarrassment and, it was surprisingly fun. Harkening back to when Celestia and I would cuddle. So many centuries gone. When did we become so serious that we fear what others would say about us sharing a bed? Or just sharing a private evening together?"

She put aside her wool-gathering and concentrated on what she'd broken in here to do. There's no place in Canterlot or Ponyville that I could get away with this, and not face endless questions, she thought, Thank goodness he's still out cold in the hospital. If he walked in, that would really be an embarrassment. Then she grinned. Or I could 'bribe' him to accept my transgression, she chuckled at that, then cleared her mind. I have Discord's template, and my own shapechanging powers, so this. Should. Be. Easy.

She looked over her transformed body, and noted the similarities to Discord's work. The first headache hit her. I thought as much, she considered as she walked into the once great mystery, which was simply a private bathroom/dressing room and a clothes closet. She looked in the bathroom mirror at herself. I suspect that the horn, tail and the other 'heroic' aspects aren't standard. So the change is neither stable, nor permanent. She felt a wave of weariness pass through her. All right, but I need to be able to hold this form. For at least a little while. He needs to be able to relate to at least one being like himself to - The wave of fatigue nearly drove her to her knees. Okay, the headache is fading, but I'm going to fall asleep on my feet if I stay here. The weariness and fading headache made her distracted and giddy.

Her eyes fell on the obvious solution. The sheets in my own room would be rough against my skin, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I took a small liberty.

The sheets are as soft as I imagined they would be, for beings whose exposed skin would report any scratch or itch, She thought as she sat on the bed, I bet they still smell like him. I bet - The sudden sneeze and the massive head pain were followed by the sound of splintering wood and groaning metal.

Luna looked at her pony form, and the wreckage that was never designed to handle a being of her weight. "Well Luna, that was stupid," she told herself as she carefully climbed off what had been a very comfortable bed. The metal bolts had torn right out of the wood in places and the frame was badly bent where her pony-form had 'landed' on it. "All right, I can blame the damage on the teleport. Or I can give him a replacement. Where am I going to get a replacement this big, if he wakes up today, or tomorrow? Or in a week?" She leaned down and surveyed the damage. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

"Isn't that supposed to happen when he's in there with you?" Celestia asked from the doorway to the bedroom.

"I suspect you're going to keep reminding me of this for the next two centuries," Luna said as she stood and faced her sister and her sister's impish grin. "So punishment can come later. How am I going to fix this?"

"The royal artisans could duplicate it, and then everyone in Canterlot will know what happened. Or," Celestia said, then took a thoughtful pose, with her hoof on her chin.

" 'Or'?" Luna said, dreading every second that Celestia dragged it out.

"There are three immediately available replacements," Celestia said, "My bed."

"Which would make this your sleeping quarters," Luna replied, "I thought you didn't have any interest in him. That he terrified you."

"Tastes can change," Celestia said so innocently, Luna knew she was being teased.

"The second is mine, and the sudden disappearance of my bed would cause endless speculation."

"I think you and he will make the most adorable centaurs," Celestia said happily.

"If I had something of my own to throw at you, I would," Luna said darkly.

"Well, if you don't want your older sister's advice," Celestia backed out of the bedroom.

Rather than panic, Luna held her ground. She won't be able to resist teasing me, Luna thought, I just have to wait.

Any minute now, Luna thought. Right about now.

She'll be cracking now, just now, Luna thought as she stared at the corridor. Wait a second, I know exactly where to get one! Luna grinned and dashed out of the bedroom.

Celestia was waiting in the entry hall. "Ready to apologize and get my help?"

"Nope, got it, need to take him to see Zecora anyway," Luna said as she cantered out the door. "Lock up and don't steal all the cake mixes," Luna called over her withers as she headed back to the Ponyville exit.

Luna saw Celestia pout as she locked up the house behind her. As luna headed down the wood forms fo rthe Ponyville struncture she heard Celestia relock the door that led to the cenotaph and thence to their quarters. "You guessed," Celestia told her sister, "That's no fun."

Shining Armor awoke before dawn. He smirked at his 'little' sister tucking him into bed, which he'd had to do for her for years. I guess her Highness is right, Armor thought, Twilie's not the only one who can get obsessed with a job. And I'm still no closer to tracking down the failure than I was before. 'Blame the monster' is hardly the best root cause for this. Well, I'd better transfer my notes to Glory, and pack my things to head back to Canterlot. Her bed was empty, and he heard nothing from the griffons' room. Spike is still asleep, he thought as he picked his way downstairs, Doesn't she have another helper?

Outside, Luna's moon was still above the treeline, but a light burned in the command post. I thought she would have doused it, he thought as he cantered in that direction. Inside, he stifled a scream as the papers he'd carefully arranged, were casually flying about. With Twilight in the middle of the maelstrom.

"I diagramed where they were and even their orientation before I started," Twilight said, while her face was full of rapt concentration, he could hear the cocky smirk in her tone. "I wanted to see how much we were duplicating effort."

"What have you found?" he asked from the doorway, fearful of treading on a paper flying low.

"That we haven't, much," Twilight replied. "You concentrated on the military and security aspects, I was concerned with the psychological and civilian aspects. We did overlap a few places, but only where the Element Bearers overlap security. It's a surprisingly large area, but we seem to have covered it, without overlapping too much."

"And what is your conclusion?" he asked.

"That we have to quit blaming every weird thing that happens on the monster," Twilight said as she looked at him. The papers fluttered into the array he'd had them in. Perfect in order, position and orientation, as if his scattered brainstorming had been some preparations for a spell. Twilight shook herself.

"Should I carry you back to your bed?" he teased as she yawned.

"No, but I think I will be taking a nap. It still bothers me that we missed it. Nightmare was practically dancing in front of us, and all of us said 'it must be the monster'. Embarrassing," she said and yawned again. "I'm also worried about our griffons. I know they're supposed to be spies, but they sure weren't acting like spies."

"And you know how spies act?" he asked.

"I wasn't blind to what was going on around me at Canterlot. Everyone wanted to 'be my friend' because it got them closer to Princess Celestia. Even as a filly, I could see through a lot of it. That was one of the main reasons that I became such a hermit. Only you and the Princess were your real selves around me. Everyone else was playing the nose game. Who can stick their nose up higher because they know someone you don't." She shook her head. "Here it's different. Ponies actually have accomplishments they can compare and challenge each other over. And I still don't think Rarity has really put together how connected our family is to the Princesses, or at least she's decided to let our natural friendship get her the contacts that she wants and needs, rather than making it the basis for our relationship."

"And I think she sees you as someone who should live up to Canterlot standards," Armor replied. "Rather than the rather bookish adventurer you seem determined to be."

She snorted in frustration at him getting under her skin, again. "What about you and Cadence, were you two planning on keeping that a secret?"

"We kept it a secret for quite a few years," he said thoughtfully, "Why not up until the wedding?"

"WEDDING?" she screamed, "When were you planning on telling me? In the invitation?"

"Actually I was planning to tell you about a week ago, but Cadence wanted to, then everything hit the fan and we have been looking for a less crazy time," Armor admitted.

"This is Ponyville, this is a less crazy time," she told him. "Okay, I forgive you. With all that's been going on, you could have told me I was on fire and I wouldn't have paid attention."

"Now that you mention it," Armor said thoughtfully.

"Ha," Twilight replied, "Brothers!"

"I could tell you some crazy sister stories," Armor offered.

Luna storming in supplanted Twilight's reply. "Good, you're both here. If the monster wakes up, don't let him go back to his house. There's been, an accident."

"You had an accident in his house?" Armor said, "Isn't that why he won't let Twilight in?"

"Oh, funny," Twilight said, "You know, I bet he has some military history in there that would curl your hair."

"Then I'd look like your friend Rarity," Armor said and shied.

"Did either of you hear a word I said?" Luna asked.

"If the monster wakes up, don't let him go back to his house," the siblings said in perfect unison.

Luna stared at them. "I'm beginning to believe I have the only sane sibling in Equestria."

"What about her Majesty?" Armor asked.

Luna shook her head. "No, her relatives are all completely gaga." She walked out of the command post.

"What kind of accident could she have had in the monster's house?" Twilight asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Armor asked.

Twilight considered.

Glory was quite intentionally up before either Sweetie Belle or Rarity. She'd heard rumors about the young unicorn's ability to burn foods that normally didn't require applying heat as part of their preparation. She'd easily located the oatmeal and had a fair-sized 'stir-about' going when Sweetie Belle appeared.

"I would have cooked," the youngster offered.

"Army life, up before dawn, and straight to work," Glory said. She put a large bowl in front of the filly, and served up one herself. She made sure that the stove was off before she headed over to the table.

"This is good, not boring like regular oatmeal," the young unicorn offered.

"That's because I studied with Holly Hock. There's a secret ingredient," Glory whispered.

"Don't tell me," Sweetie Belle said, "I want to enjoy this." She happily dug into the oatmeal and Glory simply watched her.

She'd been the 'black sheep' of the family, along with her uncle. Nobles who actually did something instead of either buying or blustering their way in. That's why I'm 'only' a lieutenant, and not a captain or major. Because I'm trying to earn it. So here I am commanding one of the most difficult and important missions in recent Equestrian history, rather than those captains or majors.

The sound of slow hoofsteps coming downstairs brought her back to here and now. Then those same hoofsteps galloped back up the stairs.

Sweetie Belle was frowning.

"I don't know what she's worried about. I've seen natural disasters, even a battle," Glory said, "Your sister can't look that terrible in the morning."

Sweetie Belle giggled at that, then grew serious. "When did you see a battle?"

"The griffons tried to forcefully remove a dragon," Glory replied, "The dragon refused, and there was a fight. It wasn't pretty."

"I don't think I'd like that," the young unicorn said.

"I didn't either," Glory admitted, "I couldn't understand why they didn't start with talking. So, have the Cutie Mark Crusaders gone Monster Hunting?"

Sweetie Belle's eyes went wide. "Ah, thank you, but I don't want to peel potatoes and wash latrines. I hear my teacher calling me, bye!" With that, the unicorn, and school supplies vanished. The sound of the door closing echoed through the emptiness.

"That was interesting," Glory said, and collected the dishes and washed them. She transferred the last of the oatmeal to another bowl.

"Good morning!" came the cheerful tone, "I." Rarity looked around. "I thought I heard Sweetie Belle."

"I mentioned Cutie Mark Crusaders Monster Hunters, she said something about peeling potatoes and washing latrines, and left for school."

"This isn't a school day," Rarity pointed out.

"That's what I was thinking," Glory said, "When I didn't see a lunch for her. I think you might breech the subject a bit more safely than I."

"Thank you," the immaculately coiffed and made up fashonista said. "So you must tell me about Canterlot."

"Bullying until they figured out who my uncle was, and fawning over me to get to him when they did," Glory replied tartly, "My memories of being there as a soldier are much more pleasant then as a civilian. Once they think they know who you are, they stop looking for anything more."

"Why would you being a soldier change anything?" Rarity asked.

"Aren't you the one who says 'the clothes make the pony'? If all they see is a guard's armor, that's all they see."

"I'm sorry, I think it's exciting," Rarity said quietly.

"For someone making their reputation, it is exciting. You can see how high up you can go. For somepony who's nearly as high as you can go, you wish they'd treat you as a pony, instead of a ladder."

"Certainly you had friends, family?" Rarity asked carefully.

"I'm not angry about you asking. I just think that you should know the downside of it. If they knew you were an Element Bearer, they wouldn't care how stunning your clothes were. They'd only see buying and wearing them as a way to ingratiate themselves to you or to her Majesty. You've made the right choice staying in Ponyville. If you create a sensation, like with those shoes, then the snobs can say 'By Celestia, someone from Ponyville created these, by Celestia!'"

Rarity laughed at that. "I have met a few decent ponies."

"Next time you get a chance, you must introduce me," Glory said, "I'll introduce you to my uncle." Glory leaned close. "He says he's not a clothes horse, but that suit you gave the Big Guy, in a demur charcoal grey, would wow him in an instant."

"Arrogant in its simplicity and austerity," Rarity said regally.

"Exactly." Glory grinned.

"Oh, when Sweetie Belle asks," Glory explained, "I put some tangy cheese in the oatmeal, that's why it tastes so good, without all the sugar."

"Thank you," Rarity said, then sampled, "It is rather good."

"Something I learned from the griffons. We like things a little too sweet. They like things with far too much bite. A little of each makes it different."

"Where are you off to?" Rarity asked.

"Check up on Trixie, and the Big Guy. Then see to it that Holly Hock hasn't completely driven every home rental and seller mad with her demands for 'the perfect kitchen'. Then I need to figure out why her Highness is racing around like she's flying obstacle races with Rainbow Dash."

The princess in question raced by again. Well above the citizens' heads, but still flying nearly flat out.

"Stretching her wings?" Rarity said hopefully.

"Leave the worrying to me," Glory told her as she left.

Once outside, she looked up and waved as the Princess raced in from another direction. Luna halted easily and settled to the ground. She really is lovely, Glory thought as the Princess smiled.

"Is there a problem?" Glory asked low, trusting her Highness' superior hearing to pick it up.

"Well, after the last few days, everyone expects that there must be so many important things happening. I wanted to show that their Princess is looking after all of them, and has all those concerns well in hand," Luna said regally.

Glory nearly bit her tongue to keep from smiling. "So you've been racing around like a barrel racer, having fun, and letting everyone see you," she said very quietly.

"Exactly," Luna said and smiled. "I have no official appointments until late morning, and I will be able to correctly report I surveyed the entire area, and found nothing amiss."

Glory bowed. "I will not delay your survey further," she said. When she looked up, Luna was practically at the horizon. "I think I may recommend that her Majesty do a surprise inspection of the windows of Canterlot, or better, estimated time to mount a rescue of a distressed window washer."

Rainbow Dash looked up at her Highness racing around, and couldn't quite push herself to join her, or challenge her to a race. She walked along the ground, staring at the pebbles and stones in the road. Occasionally she paused, and glanced back at her wings, then would walk on along the road a little more.

She'd been up at dawn, when Fluttershy had started feeding her animals. She'd taken care of all the weather team's work for the day in just a couple hours. I should be bragging about it, but it just felt like a job, for the first time, she thought as she walked, I should be chasing the Princess around, but that wouldn't be fun either. She noticed someone had been walking along beside her for a while.

"Oh, Big Mac, I didn't see ya there," she said.

Oh, does that sound pathetic, she thought.

"Not enough Rainbow Dash ta do the job?" he asked quietly.

She was in the air confronting him. "There's no job I can't do!" Then she saw the smile. "Okay, yeah, I'm not feeling too good. About myself."

"Apple buckin', remember?" Big Mac asked.

"Yeah, I guess you're used to head-strong mares trying to prove themselves," Rainbow chuckled. "It, I didn't do anything. I stood where I was told. I waited, like I was told."

"Ya won, like it was planned," Big Mac said and stared at her.

"Yeah, but I felt so helpless the whole time," Rainbow said. "Like nothing I did mattered."

" 'Cept the last, where you won it all," Big Mac said. He looked at the apple trees all around them. "Not enough rain. Too much rain. Bugs get into the trees. Timberwolves get into the fields. Me or AJ get hurt apple buckin'. Maybe pears or oranges catch folks eyes this year." He looked at Rainbow. "We're still here. You're still here. The Big Guy's still here. The bad guys are not." He tousled her mane. "And you need to be better than who you were yesterday, nothing else."

"Yeah, I guess," Rainbow said, "Thanks." She looked around nervously. "You won't a . . . tell anypony? Will you?"

Big Mac looked around carefully, then shook his head. "Nope." He smiled and jumped the fence to go back to tending the fields.

The dark blue figure raced overhead.

"Okay, Princess, let's see what you can really do," Rainbow said and leapt into the air.

Holly Hock, out house-hunting, spotted Glory when she entered the house Holly Hock was looking over with Forget-me-not. Thank Celestia, I was afraid no one would rescue me, the chef thought.

"Glory, I don't seem to be getting through to this pony that I don't care about view or spacious bedrooms, I'd sleep on the floor in a pile of rags if that got me a decent kitchen," Holly Hock said.

The real estate agent looked at them with confusion. "But, you're from Canterlot."

"I told you they'd hide the best from us if they found out we're from Canterlot," Forget-me-not said. The pegasus mare flared her wings in mock-aggravation.

Glory took pity on the real estate agent and walked over to him. "Which of your buildings has the largest kitchen?"

"There's a restaurant that's been used as a warehouse," the young earth pony stallion said nervously.

Holly Hock grinned. "Then show us." She whispered to Glory, "I thought he'd never get the clue."

Glory nodded.

Holly Hock watched the ponies of Ponyville glance and glare at them. Some seemed to be uneasy about any 'foreigners', others were more curious. I wonder how many of them actually know who and what they're looking at, she thought as she walked along. At least Glory can chat up this moron. I simply cannot understand why a simple declarative sentence 'this is too small, show me a larger one' never penetrated.

The Princess raced overhead, swiftly pursued by a cyan and rainbow pegasus.

"Running away from her fan club?" Holly Hock asked Forget-me-not.

"Element of Loyalty, theoretically the fastest pegasus on Equestria," the small guardsmare said, "Rainbow Dash."

"Fastest at ground level. There's a mare a lot faster at altitude," Holly Hock replied.

Forget-me-not nodded. "Nice mare. Weird, but nice."

The building they'd been led to was in decent shape. The windows weren't even boarded up, although they had been painted over. Inside there was some trash on the floor, which needed a good mopping, but Glory and Holly Hock ignored that to look at the kitchen.

"It's not -" the real estate agent shouted as he tried to block their approach. He discovered that though Forget-me-not was small, she was a fully trained guard, and blocked his approach.

"This is perfect!" Holly Hock announced with delight.

"After we burn off the first layer of bird dropping!" Glory replied with disgust at the accreted layer that covered every horizontal surface.

"Ah, it's steel and stone, that'll be fine!" Glory said. "I wonder if the birds will keep coming here. Be convenient to have ingredients that volunteer."

The real estate agent made the connection, and fainted.

"Can you not talk like that in public?" Glory warned.

"Ah, he won't remember anything except he made a sale," Holly Hock opened the cabinets, "Make sure that we get to keep these." She indicated the pots and pans in the cabinet. These at least had been protected from the bird privy the rest of the kitchen had become.

"Are kitchens all you think about?" Forget-me-not looked around the mess that was the kitchen. "As for this one, I'll wait for a fire hose to wash it out."

"That's brilliant!" Holly Hock announced, "Get the weather team to flush this place out, and then we can heat it up to drive off any extra water."

"What's this 'we' stuff earth pony?" Glory asked peevishly.

"Let's check out the cold boxes. If the magic held, we can still use them," Holly Hock said as she approached the large doors.

"WAIT!" Forget-me-not called. "There might be something in there."

Holly Hock sighed. "I think all this monster talk has gotten to you," the chef pony chided. "If some birds got in there, they would have frozen to death already. If a cow or pony got in there, there's another latch on the inside to let you escape." She pulled the latch.

Earth Ponies can't teleport, so Holly Hock didn't teleport clear across the room. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" she still screamed after moving to the farthest point from the door it was possible to achieve.

Forget-me-not trotted up to the door and looked into the cold box. There a cardboard cutout of Nightmare Moon hung and bobbed. "Very good likeness," Forget-me-not said, "Wouldn't you agree Holly Hock?"

"Don't open the other one," Holly Hock gasped as she tried to control the fading panic attack.

"That rainbow pegasus," Forget-me-not said, "Also a practical joker."

Glory nodded as Holly Hock trotted over. "Okay. I think we can convert that open area to sleeping quarters, and the bar around the corner can be the dining room for our guests," the chef said.

"How'd you know there's a bar?" Forget-me-not asked.

"I saw it through the pass through near where I landed. Small for a restaurant, but enough to let twelve to twenty eat. More if they eat in shifts, and a couple of booths if somepony doesn't like sitting at the bar on a stool."

"Speaking of stool," Glory said of the floor covering, "I think we should quit walking on this stuff. Let's get washed up."

"Let's buy, not lease," Holly Hock said, "It's a good place for a base camp near the monster's home."

Glory nodded.

"You suppose that we could ever convince him to come to Canterlot?" Forget-me-not asked, "After all we've all had such a wonderful time there."

"I don't see what your problem is," Holly Hock answered peevishly, "You stay to the working-stiffs and you don't deal with the snobs. Most of those 'sophisticated palates' wouldn't admit to drinking piss if you gave it a fancy enough name and the right garnish."

"You didn't!" Glory exclaimed.

"Nope, of course not. That didn't stop me from starting a rumor that somepony did," Holly Hock said. "Fastest way to separate the leaders from the followers."

"That's really disgusting," Forget-me-not said.

"Believe me, that's a lot less disgusting than some of the things some ponies think of as 'high-class' food," Holly Hock said as she picked up the unconscious real estate agent and started out the door.

"Name one," Glory said incredulously as she held the door open.

"Peach seed sauce," Holly Hock replied.

"Aren't those poisonous?" Glory asked as she followed Holly Hock down the street to the real estate agency.

"Yes," Holly Hock replied, "But some idiot got the idea to replace the almonds in an almond sauce with peach seeds. So if you're snooty enough, you can use a sauce that'll kill you if you have too much or it isn't prepared right. All for a little tongue tingle that a decent breath mint could generate. Crazy as the griffons and even the Diamond Dogs are about eating things, they don't have a snooty sauce that can kill you."

"I could have lived a long time without knowing that," Glory said.

"You could have asked me," Forget-me-not said.

Twilight hadn't expected to see Lyra in the library. The mare was staring at the two letters the monster had delivered to Celestia. Why won't she just burn those? Twilight wondered of her mentor.

"Hello Lyra," Twilight said, "Don't believe what's written there, Princess Celestia said it was just to lull all the villains into trusting him, so he could set them up."

"Clever," Lyra said distractedly, "But I wasn't looking at the words. I was looking at the letters."

"The letters?" Twilight asked.

"Yes. Why are so many of our devices better suited for humans with hands, than for the ponies who have to use them."

"Please, not that 'we're some lost colony of lost toys' speech," Twilight pleaded.

"It would serve you right for your counter argument about evolving those things ourselves from some universal ideal," Lyra replied, not taking her eyes off the two pages. "Just because that's the 'latest thinking' doesn't make it right."

"Excuse me," Glorious Mystery said as he walked out of his room, "I haven't heard your theory, miss."

"Lyra Heartstrings, I'm a musician, but I am also one of the local eccentrics," Lyra said and gave the griffon a hoofshake. "Your people aren't the tool-users we ponies are. But the tools we do use would make more sense if a creature like you or the dragons, or the Big Guy invented them and gave them to us. Also we ponies have the ability to do magic, control the weather, and raise and lower the sun and the moon. It wasn't until I went to an amusement park in Manehatten that it all made sense. I looked at all the ponies working there dressed as silly characters, selling refreshments, and just generally keeping the place spotless, and I realized that's what all of Equestria is, or was. We were created to work the park, keep it clean and entertain the guests. From what I read in the Equestria to Monster dictionary, there are at least five instances where races from Equestria have monster analogs. They made us, all of us, from their history. And then, for some reason, they let us go."

Lyra seemed to be warming to the accepting audience, while Twilight was practically biting her tongue. Lyra continued, "Sentience is awareness, including the ability to experience pleasure or pain and make predictions about the future. Sapience is the ability to think and solve problems; intelligence in the strict sense. Sophonce is sentience and sapience with metacognition: self-awareness, including self-reflection and the ability to think about one's thinking. Most animals are sentient, to a greater or lesser degree. Even Timberwolves can think and plan. Sapience may have been given us to help deal with day to day problems at the park. Maybe we developed sophonce out of our sentience and sapience, and they couldn't keep treating us as toys or servants and they, well, pushed us out of the nest to be our own people."

"That certainly explains things better than the 'latest thinking'," Mystery offered, "So how will looking at the characters on those letters help you?"

"I wanted to see if they looked anything like the characters in Equestrian," Lyra said, "The closest they come is the pictographs in that big dictionary. The other lists of characters only have a few similarities, and not many in any of one list,"

"Now you're going to tell me they made up a language just for us?" Twilight asked.

"That is what a code is, and ciphers use alternate characters," Mystery said thoughtfully.

"Those are to conceal information, not to communicate," Twilight replied.

"If you make them easy to learn and obvious, they can be used," Mystery said. "Like the images on signs, or the international maritime codes," Mystery said as he walked over and pulled a book from the shelves. "These are one, two, up to four flags or patterns of lights to signal all kinds of messages. Every mariner and most professional fliers have learned and memorized them. I was planning on concentrating our translation on these codes. That'll let the Big Guy communicate audibly. Once we can communicate the basic meanings of each code, he'll be able to have rudimentary communications."

Lyra grinned. "Will we be able to find out if he is human? He seems like he might be," Lyra said.

Twilight shook her head at the grinning mare and the chuckling griffon.

Author's Note

For the confused, skip the next chapter Discordalude. Simply accept there's a reason for Discord to be behaving himself in later chapters.

23) Dusk in the Sunlight of Shadows

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Dusk in the Sunlight of Shadows

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 37

Celly woke on the floor, she looked around the master bedroom and thought how empty it seemed. Only Woona was there with her. Sveti was with Mystery. Derpy was bunked out with Dinky in their old house. Lyra and Bonbon were the same.

I hate how empty this feels, she thought quietly, But since he isn't here, there's no reason for all of them to be here. Funny. All of us are supposed to have harmony and friendship, yet without a 'bloodthirsty alien' we don't stay together.

Woona suddenly stood up, then vanished. Celly caught a glimpse of Woona reappearing in the kitchen. Her little sister busied herself among the cabinets and with the refrigerator. Then, she vanished again.

When she reappeared, she started more familiar motions of getting breakfast started.

Celly trotted out of the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. Woona was humming a happy tune as she made oatmeal, and carefully added a bit of cheese.

"What was all that?" Celly asked as the Apples roused themselves out of the living room.

"I had to make Dinky's lunch," Woona said, "He always made it, and since he can't right now, somepony had to make it the way he did."

Celly wasn't sure why she found herself crying at that.

"Well, at least he got a medal out of that," Discord said as he dropped on the green grass that had moments ago held hundreds of soldiers. "What were those idiots thinking?"

"Were those idiots thinking?" Tom replied. "I believe I've discovered why he's so expert at 'kicking ass', the Germans were very good teachers."

"I don't think I want to see the next segment of this dream," Discord said, "There's nothing fun about watching thousands get slaughtered because their commanders were stupid. Turned into dogs, having their hair change color every time they sneeze, spontaneously bursting into harmless flame, yes, all funny. Stepping on mines, getting hit with shrapnel and machinegun fire isn't amusing."

"Hopefully the next sections aren't so bad," Tom said, "As I remember it, the next invasion isn't for almost two years. All training and paperwork until then."

Discord looked at Tom. "I think I'll go back to stepping on landmines, if it's all the same to you."

"Doctor?" Nurse Snowheart entered the counseling clinic in the hospital. The doctor had left last night, gotten a shower and some sleep. Now he was back.

"Yes nurse." He gestured at the notes. "A whole slew of possible solutions. Except none of them can be accomplished. Like telling the ponies of the classical era, 'Yes, the Elements of Harmony can take care of that.' They wouldn't have any idea what you were talking about. The drugs and therapies aren't discussed in enough detail to replicate. Although it is good that the advice we've given his caregivers is supported by the notes in the books."

"At least that's something. So even magic can't solve this? Amazing," she said, and they shared a chuckle about most ponies' faith in magic. "We do it the old-fashioned way. We'll have to call the mini-Diarchs and the Apples in and give them some training. Counseling doesn't work if the counselor and counseled can't communicate."

"I'll see to it. He hasn't woken up. Could there be a catatonic phase?" Snowheart asked.

"I didn't find one in the notes, and I asked Princess 'Woona' to check for other reference works. Considering she didn't immediately return, I'm guessing that the link is tenuous. Or it could be shock to the nervous system of having, having nearly ripped loose, then losing wings that did it."

"What about delving into his dreams?" Snowheart asked.

"Went very badly the last few times it happened," the doctor said. "I never thought I'd hear Princess Luna frightened of something, but that did it. Evidently Discord showed her something that utterly terrified her. Something the Big Guy either did or encountered. So dream alteration is out of the picture. But it would certainly make things easier."

Snowheart nodded.

Twilight quietly sipped her tea and watched Sveti practicing an almost dance-like martial art on a high balcony of the library. The movements are soothing, she thought, But sped up, it could be devastating. I think the idea to teach the Big Guy the art is a good one. Of course that assumes that he doesn't keep clinging to the assumption that if he raises a hand against a pony, that Celestia and/or Luna will fry him alive. As long as he believes that, he'll be helpless.

She sighed in frustration. The latest missive from her mentor wasn't helping.

'Dear Twilight,

The assumption that he lacks any right to defend himself if attacked by ponies needs to be dealt with. I trust you and your friends' judgements in this.

Princess Celestia.'

"Gee, thanks. I'm beginning to understand why 'Celestia the Solar Tyrant' myth still exists. What am I supposed to do to tell an alien that? 'I know all three Princesses messed with your mind, but you really can hit ponies, if you really, really need to.' Even if I could make myself understood. He'd pat me on the head and not believe one word of it.

'Dear Miss Sparkle,

I know you believe Celestia, I know Celestia believes it herself, but how stupid do you think I am for me to believe it?
Respectfully, The Big Guy.'"

Twilight frowned at that, then spotted Fluttershy going into Rarity's boutique with Lyra and Bonbon.

Are they herding her in there? Twilight wondered.

"I'm going out," she told Sveti, before she headed down stairs. She galloped most of the way to Rarity's, then slowed to a walk as she approached. Although the door said they were closed, she heard voices within.

"I'm not," Bonbon said from inside.

"It will be perfect," Rarity said, then concentrated and pulled Twilight into the boutique, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Oh, hi Rarity, Fluttershy. I was just curious," Twilight said as she hung suspended in Rarity's magic, "Uh, can you put me down?"

"Hmm," Rarity seemed to consider. "No, she doesn't fit."

Twilight frowned at that.

"Fit what?" Twilight asked, and looked at Fluttershy showing Lyra and Bonbon some drawings.

"The template, dear," Rarity said, "It's not often that fashion can have a medically beneficial component. But the doctors agree, my little project will be quite beneficial."

"I'm not doing it," Bonbon said, "No offense Rarity, but high fashion doesn't really mesh with stains, and mixing machines."

"My dear, I am not suggesting a change in lifestyle, just a touchstone," Rarity said.

"Will somepony tell me what's going on?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, we will need Sveti, so maybe Twilight can help," Fluttershy suggested.

"Help with what?" Twilight asked peevishly.

"This!" Rarity showed Twilight the drawing and the work in progress.

As soon as the connections were made, darkness ensued.

"I rather liked the idea," Fluttershy said and nosed the unconscious Twilight as she sprawled on Rarity's fainting couch.

"True genius is never appreciated," Rarity said and lifted Twilight and the couch and put them aside.

"This isn't genius," Bonbon said of the drawing, "This is insanity. This is madness."

"This," Rarity said to Bonbon, "Is. Friendship."

Bonbon scrambled back to put Lyra between herself and Rarity.

"You wanted to help, this will help. The only handle to the problem is reinforcing his feeling of safety. This will do it. As I understand it, he's willing to help you two get what you've always wanted. Is this really so terrible an imposition?"

"It's nuts," Bonbon replied, and looked to Fluttershy for support.

"Well, Discord really seems to like him," Fluttershy replied, "So maybe nuts is a good thing?" The pegasus grinned at Bonbon.

Bonbons' answer was a terrified rictus.

"She'll do it," Lyra assured them, and ignored Bonbon's horrified expression. "She just needs time to convince herself it's the right thing to do."

"I'll accept that," Rarity said, "But we should still do the fitting."

"And you were there, and you were there, and so were you," Twilight said as she awakened. She looked at the group, the drawings, the clothing they were fitting to Bonbon. She took several seconds to fit it all together. "Uh, I'll get Sveti, okay?" Twilight said in a disheveled tone. And she was gone. A moment later Twilight returned with a rather surprised griffon.

"Did she teleport?" Sveti asked.

"I don't think so," Fluttershy answered.

The griffon looked down the path of the departed Twilight. "There's something wrong with her," Sveti said.

"Since you're here, Fluttershy, be a dear and get her fitted while I work with Bonbon and Lyra," Rarity said.

"Oh, can you stand here, if it's not too much trouble," Fluttershy said.

"No trouble, what's going on?" Sveti said as she stepped onto a small stool.

"A way to help the Big Guy, in a way that bypasses the language barrier," Fluttershy said and began taking measurements.

Sveti grabbed one of the drawings. She stared at it for a few moments. "Mfrgrkkrge," she said quietly.

"Ah, hold still, please," Fluttershy said.

"Grztmerklffrtzeert," Sveti said as her entire body started to shake.

"Uh, I can't risk sticking you with a pin, so please," Fluttershy began. She gasped when the griffon collapsed. "Are you all right?"

"Wahahahahahah!" Sveti shouted as she pounded the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh, I'll let you finish, while I help Rarity," Fluttershy left the hysterical griffon to her laughter and gyrations.

"So cousing Gonk say 'I shoot a dragon in my pajamas'," Igor explained as Trixie's top 'half' lay inside the 'saw the mare in half' box, and the other half was almost clear out of the box, standing on Igor while she 'fixed' what he'd done. That Trixie was vastly more irritated that he'd broken the trick eliminated the horror that two halves of a mare were operating independently.

"What was a dragon doing in your pajama?" Trixie asked.

"The backstroke," Igor said.

The audience howled at that.

"Show's getting good, yes?" Igor said.

"Well that's to be expected when people hear about the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Fireworks flew from her hooves, but only the left side of them manifested. The Great and Powerful Trixie grimaced. "But how did you figure it out? All the applause?" Trixie asked.

"You getting heavier," Igor replied.

Trixie's rear half stomped on him. "Trixie is the same mare she's always been."

Igor looked at the separated pieces of the cabinet. "Even Igor not too shtupid to believe dat."

The audience roared at that. Then Trixie's rear half climbed into the cabinet. Igor closed it and set the pieces beside each other. Trixie's horn glowed and she leapt out of the cabinet safe and sound. Except for the zipper around her middle.

"Oops," Igor said, "Trick needs more vork." He stood behind the cabinets as he pulled them away.

"Oops! That's all you can say 'oops!'" Trixie shouted.

"I'm very sorry!" Igor shouted back while cowering behind the cabinet.

"Well, that's better," Trixie said.

The curtain came down to thunderous applause. Igor walked out with a series of thin poles on stands. He set a plate atop one pole and started spinning it, then set up another plate. Trixie rushed out with a horrified expression. Then she picked up the package and showed it to the audience. They were paper plates. He soon had fifteen spinning on the thin poles, an occasional touch of magic kept them spinning. The audience was 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing, when Igor started staggering slightly. Several of the plates fluttered. Igor redoubled his concentration. The plates stabilized. Then burst into flame.

Igor ran all around the stage stomping on the burning plates, incidently setting his own hoofs on fire. Trixie calmly took off her hat, pulled a small fire extinguisher from it and dealt with the problems. Plates and hooves.

"Vhen you start carrying fire extinguisher ever where?" Igor asked.

"When you tried to make the Great and Powerful Trixie's morning tea," the Great and Powerful Trixie shouted.

"No von tolt me vater would burn!" he replied defensively.

Trixie stared at him open mouthed, then facehooved. The curtain came down to more applause.

"Great show!" the theater owner said as they walked into the wings. "And thanks for agreeing to do these matinees. Are you sure I can't get you to extend your stay?"

"I'm sorry," Trixie said, no longer the Great and Powerful Trixie, "But we have agreements with other theaters. We kept our promise to you, we must keep our promises to them."

The theater owner nodded. "Oh, someone came around the back way, pretty pushy and insistent." Leaning close as if to impart hidden wisdom, "And throwing money around." The owner nodded and winked. "She wanted a special consultation with you."

Trixie and Igor exchanged glances. "The Great and Powerful Trixie will see her," the Great and Powerful Trixie said, "Come Igor, our moment upon the stage is not yet done."

The pair trooped upstairs to the dressing room. A former broom closet, but theirs alone and quite roomy. Trixie nearly yelped as she saw the mare waiting for them, and the condition that she was in.

"You're the Great and Powerful Trixie?" Princess Buttercup asked. The once-fancy mare looked terrible.

Sleeplessness and a crying jag, Trixie thought as she mentally lit several candles.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie stands before you. My assistant, Igor. You wish something of Trixie? She does not generally grant private audiences."

"I can pay," Buttercup said desperately.

"Tell the Great and Powerful Trixie what it is you came here for," Trixie ordered.

"I've been poisoned," Buttercup said.

"There are some very good hospitals here," Igor said, "And the Baltimare alchemists are some of the best."

Buttercup stared at him.

"Don't be fooled by my partner's stage act. You have to be extremely clever to do magic that wrong, and not endanger anypony," Trixie said.

"I'm sorry, your act is very convincing," Buttercup managed.

"Thank you," Igor said and bowed.

"I've been to the local doctors. And I'm heading to Baltimare. But I'm frightened. I was told the poison comes in two, undetectable parts, but when combined, if it doesn't kill me, I'll wish I were dead."

Trixie and Igor gasped, then offered their sympathies.

"Two parts, those are pretty rare, ancient recipes," Igor said, "If you're worried about accidentally encountering something that will act as the second part, don't be. Those poisons are expensive and difficult to make. Maybe only a noble family could afford to have one brewed."

Buttercup blanched at that. "But, I can eat food, normal plants won't have the ingredients?" she asked timidly.

"Unless you eat a salad of the most exotic and toxic plants," Igor assured her and smiled, "You'd have no easy way to encounter any of these two part poisons, no I take that back. Are you planning on going any where near Ponyville?"

"I hadn't planned on it, why?" Buttercup asked.

"There was something I read," Igor said and seemed to search his memory.

"The Big Guy," Trixie provided, "The 'human' who landed in Ponyville and seems to be there or in Canterlot, thank goodness. Something about his skin or his sweat?"

"Something like that," Igor agreed, "Thanks, yes, they have realized he has some very different compounds in his skin and hair. You'd probably have to take a good-sized bite out of him, but the research is inconclusive."

Buttercup's eyes were as big as saucers. "They knew," she said quietly.

"Ma'am?" Igor asked.

"Thank you, so, as long as I stay away from the Ponyville Monster, I'm safe," Buttercup said.

"Perhaps you should go to the police," Igor suggested, "If someone poisoned you, they may try to blackmail you."

"It's already done," Buttercup said, "And it's politics, not robbery."

"That sounds like something out of the old Three Kingdoms period," Trixie said.

Buttercup nodded, and pulled a bank draft for a substantial number of bits. She hooved it over to Trixie. "The doctors didn't believe me. How did you know about it?"

"It's in one of Sophiclops' plays from that era, Equipus Rex," Igor said, "I did some research on it."

Buttercup shuddered. "I had to read that play in school, I forgot it was in there. I can't imagine actually living under those rulers."

"Hail Celestia we don't have to anymore," Trixie said happily, "You said you're going to Baltimare, there are bandits on that road. Are they the ones who poisoned you?"

Buttercup started to answer, then replied, "I didn't say that." She winked at Trixie. "Besides, I'm going there with an army. Ponies need that road open."

"Thank you, you're very brave," Trixie said, "Trixie has had to plow through that road and the 'tolls' of those brigands. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." Buttercup stood and left.

Igor and Trixie stared at each other for a while, until they were sure no one was listening. Then burst out laughing.

Tom floated beside Discord. After all they'd seen during their search for some fragment of the Big Guy they could talk to, to determine his mental state, they were enjoying the boredom.

"That was, interesting," Tom said of the scene they'd just left. "I can safely say he is quite angry at those who attacked him."

"What was your first clue?" Discord asked and shuddered, "The regulator set at 10000 PSIG, or the flow meter set at 2.5 cc/sec?"

"The manifold system was a better clue, and who was plugged into it, and how. Makes the colic cure they gave Nightmare the other day positively sunshine and happiness by comparison. They only used warm coffee," Tom said.

"Thank you!" Discord shouted, to forestall more conversation.

"Warm coffee?" came a voice from knee height. The slate gray foal had white wings and a white horn. Her mane was several shades of azure and she had the biggest, greenest eyes.

"Are you the kwootest ting? Yes'em are," Discord said as his folded hands rested on his cheek.

The foal gave Tom a worried glance. If Tom could have rolled his eyes, he would have.

"Kwootest wittle Aicorn foal, es'em are, es'em are." Discord leaned down and scratched the foal's head.

"You're Discord, right?" she said.

"Oh, she knows me, isn't that adorable? Isn't that," Discord said, before a bolt from the foal's mouth burned everything above his waist to ash, except his hands which had been on his knees.

"He talks funny," the foal said, "I'm Selene. I decided if mom was going to mess around in dad's dreams, I should keep him occupied." She pointed at what was left of Discord. "But, mom might need your help, you're Tom, right."

Most of Discord fell away, like an overly long, cigarette ash.

"Yes. You do know how dangerous it is right now?" Tom asked.

The foal pointed at the six Königstigers approaching. "He has a problem with those doesn't he?"

"Three slaughtered his whole company. I think it's vengeance rather than anything else," Tom said. "Wait!" he shouted to the foal.

"It's a dream, not life, I can handle them!" she shouted as she charged them.

From the pile of ash, two eyes appeared. "I like her!"

"Easy opening tops!" the foal shouted, holding the turret she'd pulled off the tank in her forelegs. She grinned at the crew, who immediately decided to bail out.

Tom left Discord to reconstitute.

It's a dream, not life, Tom thought as he floated along, I guess it is. Selene will certainly be useful if Nightmare decides to become a problem. And if Discord steps too far out of line. She thinks the Big Guy is her father, and Luna her mother. Interesting.

The scream he heard from behind the door told him, Going through that will instantly earn the 'Grimdark' label, he thought as he loaded a HESH round in his internal 155, aimed at the lock, and gently pushed the unlocked door open. I'm going to have to remember how he thinks, Tom reminded himself as he floated inside.

The room he'd entered had the door free standing like a sculpture practically in the middle of it. Behind him he heard Discord shriek in terror.

"Hey Discord, they pile real good!" Selene shouted. Atop the hull of one Königstiger sat a stack of six turrets. "Charge!" the tank raced after the Draconequus with Selene sticking her head out of the driver's hatch.

Tom closed the door.

I may be wrong about the grimdark tag, he thought, then he spotted Luna, gasping as if the last of her blood would leak away in the next few moments from some horrible wound. But no wound was present, nor any blood. I think I may have to change my assessment, Tom thought as he scented the air, and enjoyed the smells of roses, jasmine and sandalwood carried on a warm, soft breeze. Above and around him, silk hangings diffused the light to eliminate any shadows.

He paused at the sight of the bed Luna was lying in. Maybe we will be earning the grimdark tag, he thought as he looked at the capacious construction. A massive, four-poster bed carved and painted to look like Celestia lying on her back, with her four legs in the air as the posts supporting the canopy. The sideboards were carved to look like her wings, her 'tail' was the covers tucked in at the foot of the bed, and her 'mane' was the mattress covers. The entire effect is quite clever and stylish even, Tom said, And very Freudian.

But the headboard, nice three-quarter profile, except the expression, Tom thought as he looked at it and shuddered, If I saw that smile in a dark alley, I'd run, 155mm gun not withstanding. Having it on a bed staring down at you. No, not staring, watching, encouraging, he realized, Which makes it worse.

"No, not the hooves, not the hooves again," Luna murmured, as she weakly rattled the chains on her forelegs, clearly not wounded to death, but either exhausted or contented. A padded cuff encircled each forehoof, and presumably her back hooves as well. Four lengths of chain, and an anchor ring for each around each of the 'Celestia leg' posts told the story clearly. As she was under the covers to her mid-barrel, it was impossible to tell if the manacles on her rear legs were loose or in place. Then she moved and all four chains moved with her. "Not the hooves, not the hooves!" she mumbled.

"Princess Luna?" he asked, and waited as she raised her head and tried to focus on him. "Am I rescuing you from durance vile, or interrupting your honeymoon?"

The world seemed to come into perfect focus for her, because she gave a yelp and wing-flipped the covers over her head.

Discord stood at the bottom of the long, narrow stairway that ran between the buildings for several blocks. "How do you like them apples?" he shouted up at the Panzer Mark 6 7/8th Selene was driving. A vehicle far too wide to fit between the buildings walling in the stairway and the guns couldn't depress enough to fire on him directly.

I never thought one of those could do a bootlegger turn, Discord thought, Where'd she learn to do a bootlegger turn?

"CHARGE!" Selene shouted, brandishing her cutlass, and the tank with the extra turrets stacked one atop the other, rotated and drove away.

"Nice kid, but she's up against the master," Discord said and examined his nails, blew on them and buffed them against his chest. He frowned for a moment, then shouted to her, "Full points for trying though."

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! The building opposite the entry of the staircase began to topple like a perfectly felled tree. Discord stared in wonder as the building came to rest on the two buildings of the 'gatehouse' to the stairway he was standing on.

"CHARGE!" was almost overwhelmed by the roar of the engine.

Discord, with an expression between admiration and amazement, then watched the tank race over the building and fly through the air. The turrets separated slightly from each other and the main body. The tank crashed down in the open area at the bottom of the stairway Discord still stood on. The turrets all retaking their places on the tank with a sound like a stack of metal slabs falling on each other.

"Yay string!" Selene yelled as the tank rotated, bringing the stacked turrets to bear.

I can count to six just fine, Discord realized and tried to dodge.

BOOM BOOM!

Discord twisted around the flight of the shells by a hare's breadth. Bunny-Fufu bopped him on the head and ran away. The rounds slammed into the fallen building and exploded within. "Ha!" Discord shouted, "Missed me by that much!"

Selene's smug expression and the horrible groan of the fallen building told Discord all he needed to know.

I must quit counting my chickens before I've created them, he thought as the disintegrating building buried him completely.

"You're it!" Selene shouted, then the familiar, "Charge!" The sound of the engine receded in the distance as Discord sat under all the rubble, and thought deeply.

"I don't care what I have to learn. I don't care about apologies or restitution needed. I'm marrying Celestia, that girl has to be my niece," he said quietly, "WHY WERE THERE NO PONIES LIKE HER A THOUSAND YEARS AGO?"

"Interesting that you were more interested in me leaving, than me freeing you," Tom commented as he undid the rear hoof cuffs. Soft leather and padded with lamb's wool.

These wouldn't bruise a human's skin, a very gentle thing to use on a pony, Tom thought.

"Shut up," Luna replied, although her blush couldn't be hidden.

"But you should take it as a good sign that he was content to just embarrass you, rather than what he was doing to the shades of those who attacked him," Tom said as he released the forehoof cuffs. Then noted the awkward way Luna rolled/slipped out of the bed.

Why not just throw off the covers and walk out? Tom asked rhetorically, knowing the reason, and the reason for Luna's happy expression with the change of subject.

"Oh?" Luna said a hair too eagerly.

"But let's talk about you," Tom replied and enjoyed Luna's crestfallen expression, "Boring stories about dreams, you probably hear about those all the time."

"Oh no, I am worried for him," Luna said.

"Funny, considering no one ever disabused him of the certainty he'd be flogged or worse for defending himself from your little ponies," Tom said in a flat tone.

Luna's ears folded back.

"I am curious, several of the ponies were injured, after they nearly ripped his wings off and tried to chain him down far more violently that you were," Tom said, "I'm just curious why you're wasting time on healing him. Does he have to be healthy enough to walk to his execution? Or is a trial in absentia something that would disturb too many of our neighbors?"

"There are no plans to punish him for his actions," Luna admitted.

"Oh, how wonderful. He won't be punished for defending himself. Just like the ponies who attacked him won't be punished for what they did," Tom said with faux humor, "How wonderfully equitable. So when the ponies escalate to murder, he can defend himself then? Or is it preventing miscegenation that gets him clemency?"

Luna faced off on Tom. "What do you want from us?"

"Some moral clarity, and some consistency," Tom replied in icy tones, "You have absolutely no idea what a powder keg you've been dealing with. Your sister plays with his life and safety. You play with his feelings. All three of you treat his sanity as if it were constant and assured. If you want to play the pony gods, then expect to be treated as such. There are more enemies out there, and more challenges than you know. Can you imagine if he should decide to seek defense again you and your sister, say in the farthest north? Sombra didn't go mad and amass his army to fight Equestria, not at first anyway. Or perhaps to the original pony homelands? With the Alicorn Amulet, he could raise the ancient tomes, clear the ice and find things the ponies foolish thought were safely buried, or have completely forgotten about. Even Discord never tried to plumb the depths of The Seekers."

"No!" Luna shouted in horror.

"Then you'll kill him?" Tom said as if the matter had no consequence, "That will be the simplest solution. After all, you have your foal. What further need do you have? A bed warmer? Those could be purchased among the most noble families of Canterlot. Take their voices and you would have no fear of their whispered poisons."

"Things aren't that simple, and you know it," Luna hissed.

"I know that as hosts, you've done a horrific job. I know that as rulers, you have ignored the fact that not having a policy, is a policy. And that as friends or lovers, you have done more injury to his mind and body than all his enemies combined," Tom retorted, "Which presents us with the current imbroglio. Everyone blithely assumes that he'll recover. That the fact his psyche finally shattered under the pressure it was under is overshadowed by the assumption that it will only require a hug and soft words by a princess and all will be fine. Such a lie is fine for public consumption, but if you, Celestia and Cadence believe it, you are fools of the first order."

Luna glared at him hatefully.

"This is not a pony," Tom said, "You've seen where Discord put Nightmare. There were worse. He learned of them after the war, saw a few of them after they'd been cleared of prisoners. But there are worse places than that. You, your sister and your wonderful ponies have driven someone who saw worse than where Nightmare now sits into a despair so deep nothing may drag him out of it. Think about that. What a wonderful accomplishment. No wonder the other nations are up in arms. Here's a chance to avoid chaos knows how many technological, social and politic missteps, by someone who's lived through them and studied them. And the great Celestia treats him as a possible threat to her precious ponies. Fine. Give him to the griffons, the horses of Saddle Arabia, send him to the Crystal Empire. You have the translation matrix. The books are all open to you. You hardly even need him anymore."

"It isn't that simple," Luna said and looked away.

"Of course it's that simple. Shit or get off the pot. It's a simple set of questions, one; alive or dead? Two; lover, friend or stranger? Three; equal rights and equal responsibilities, slave or dhimmi? Four; citizen of Equestria, citizen of the world, or prisoner? Five; are you and your sister so arrogantly blind that as you trip over each other to 'open the way for the other' that you've forgotten he may have a preference? Or are you both terrified that his preference might be both, or worse, neither?" Tom asked.

Luna studied her hooves intently, shifting slightly as if the thoughts unbalanced her as they raced around her mind.

Tom softened his tone. "Look, your Highness, 'I don't know' is a perfectly acceptable answer for some of those questions. The point is having an answer, even if that's just an admission of ignorance. But failing to make a decision, or appearing to have not decided opens up a huge area where you are going to leave the most aggressive actors the right to operate and the less aggressive will have to react. That's what just happened. If the ponies even suspected he could fight back with the savagery he showed against Nightmare, the plant monster and Nightmare's collection of idiots, do you think for even an instant they would have moved against him? No, because he was muzzled and they weren't, they were free to hurt him however they wanted. Your doing, your Highness."

Luna glared at him, but was looking too sick to really make it work.

"Stay on the bomb run, boys," the gray-scale human said, then turned to Discord and saluted, "I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips ever'body on Bear Creek!"

Discord returned the salute smartly and watched the human depart. A stirring rendition of 'When Johnny Comes Marching Home' played in the background.

Moments later, a huge marshmallow dropped out of the belly of the bomber. The strange human still astride it. "Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo!"

"This in no way implies affiliation with YahooTM, any of its services or its search engine. Ask.com is still the primary search engine of the author," a lawyer announced.

Discord tore the attorney limb from limb.

The huge marshmallow hit the unsuspecting tank perfectly, covering it with sticky residue. The engine roared as the tank tried to drive forward, then backward, both to no avail.

Selene popped the hatch of the topmost turret. "Ya big meanie!" she shouted and shook her forehoof at the circling plane, "Where's the Graham crackers and chocolate?" Her expression changed to horror. She slammed and dogged the hatch. The entire tank seemed to cringe as tons of chocolate bars and Graham crackers rained down and rattled off the armor.

"You're it!" Discord shouted as the plane flew away.

Tom watched the Pzkw Mark 6 7/8th race past, Selene with her head out of the driver's hatch shouting, "Charge."

In the direction from which the tank had 'charged', Discord stood in midair, shaking his hips and tail at the departing panzer. "Come back when you got something for me, kiddo!" Discord shouted.

Luna stared at the scene open-mouthed.

Tom decided to take a more direct hand. "While the 88mm L/71 was always a PaK, an antitank weapon, it was derived as a replacement to the 88mm L/56, a FLaK, which was originally designed for anti-aircraft use."

"So?" Discord asked.

Explosions began bursting all around Discord as the tank had pulled back so the elevation of the main guns could bring him into their cone of fire. The six turrets fired almost randomly, but no gun fired twice, they always alternated.

Discord was dodging frantically as the sky filled with bursts and shrapnel. "Help me!" Discord shouted at Tom.

"I am," Tom shouted back, and whispered to Luna, "I haven't told your daughter about autoloaders and VT fuses."

Luna giggled, then called, "Come on honey! We're going back!"

The tank ceased firing immediately. "Let me safe this thing," Selene called from the top hatch, "Be there in a moment." The long gun tubes began retracting into the turrets.

"That shouldn't work," Luna said, "Uh, quickly, that place you looked into?"

"Let's just say that it was an experiment to determine if ponies are flesh and blood, or some infinitely elastic cartoon material," Tom said.

"Using high pressure gas," Luna said, she saw Selene racing towards them, "That's all."

"Agreed," Tom said as Selene leapt up to hug her mother.

"Bye Discord, I had fun," Selene called as she waved. Both she and Luna faded from sight.

Tom noted Discord had been shyly waving back.

"Ah, well, yes," Discord said.

"You appear to have something in your eye. A side effect of the gun smoke no doubt," Tom said as he drifted along.

"No doubt," Discord said as he fell in behind.

"Why are we here?" Bonbon asked. She could barely hide her irritation at being dragged away from an evening alone with Lyra, for an evening at a dubious restaurant with a pack of others.

"We were invited," Derpy said as she arrived with Dinky and the two mini-Diarchs.

"So were we," Pinky said as she and Rarity entered, followed by the entire Apple family.

"Thank you all for coming. Depending on how quickly the Big Guy recovers, we might have to be doing the cooking for him," Glory said, "We figured we'd try out some of our recipes on people who have eaten with him several times."

"I think you'll have a hard time with that," Spike said as he arrived with Twilight and the griffons. "Ponies' sense of taste is a lot weaker than a dragon's, and I think his sense of taste is even stronger than mine."

"Yeah!" Dinky insisted, "His lunches are the best!" Then she turned. "Sorry momma."

"I prefer his cooking too," Derpy told her foal and nuzzled her. Dinky giggled at that.

"Well," Glory said nervously, "Let's get everyone seated. We'll be serving lots of small portions, so don't worry about getting fed."

"Now Rainbow, slow down to actually taste the food," Rarity said, "It isn't an eating contest."

"I've got as good manners as anypony," Rainbow replied.

"Provided anypony is a bear," Applejack said.

"No, Reginald has better manners," Fluttershy said, then giggled.

"We'll start with an amuse of lightly spiced cider. While we wait for everyone to be seated," Glory said and Forget-Me-Nots walked among them with a tray. Cider in clear mugs was given to Applebloom, Woona, Sweetie Belle, Spike and Dinky. Everyone else got opaque mugs.

The various groups found their seats at the long table, sipping the cider as they moved among each other and got situated. At each place was a second amuse, a carbonated ginger beer. Followed by a small dish dried oats and pine nuts.

"I don't think he'd eat that," Dinky whispered to Derpy. The pegasus nodded.

The next dish was a mixture of flower petals.

"Uh," Rarity began, "I don't know how to put this delicately, but this is very, ah, pony-centric food. While my Opal dines on the finest pet cuisine, she's not above taking a mouse or a bird on her own."

"Reginald wouldn't mind most of this," Fluttershy added, "But Reginald and the Big Guy also eat meat." Fluttershy looked around nervously. "And I'd rather not."

"Well, the later courses have some meat dishes for our griffon friends, and Spike, but the initial courses don't."

"Uhm," Applebloom said and glanced around, "They don't taste like the Big Guy's cooking."

"When'd you taste his stuff?" Applejack asked.

"We sometimes share lunches," Sweetie Belle said, "And while I like this. It doesn't taste good like his does."

"Yeah," Applebloom piped up, "There's less seasoning, but the ingredients taste better." Then she heard Big Mac clear his throat. "Not that there's anything wrong with this."

Glory smirked at that. Holly Hock was quietly taking notes.

"Well, maybe the soups will be better," Forget-Me-Nots said as she put a cup of thick chowder in front of each of them.

"I'm stuffed," Twilight said as she took only the smallest bite of the peanut brittle. She glanced at Rainbow still struggling with her small metal can. Same as every other individual serving of peanut brittle had come in, but no one else had encountered any trouble getting theirs open.. The pegasus had the lid in her teeth and the rest of the can between her hooves.

"Rainbow, I'm certain the rest of us can spare you a bit," Mystery said.

"Grr, shnfr," Rainbow replied as she struggled.

"SQUEEK!"

"Gah!" Rainbow shouted as the figure of Discord exploded out of the can. She landed on her back and tried to back up with her legs in the air and only her tail to propel her.

The puppet from the can lay still and silent, a quiet mockery as everyone at the table tried to hide their laughter. Some much less successfully than others.

"Oh dear," Holly Hock said, "I must have used one of the cans from the cold box by mistake. You have my sincerest apologies."

Rainbow gasped for breath as the rest of the table erupted in laughter. She practically crawled over to the can, and looked at it closely, then facehooved. "Aww, that's not fair, using my own trick against me," Rainbow complained.

"Some would say it is the height of fairness, and the acme of skill," Rarity said, "Giving you fair warning before the pay off."

"Pay back," Holly Hock said, "Like the Nightmare Moon wall hanging. Very lifelike."

"Considering it nearly scared the life out of you," Glory said, "That's fair."

Rainbow stood up and looked at the Discord puppet. "Heh, okay you got me."

"You know she'll gitch back," BigMac said.

"Oh, she'll try," Holly Hock said, "I'm counting on it." The chef grinned at the pegasus. Rainbow grinned right back.

Few noticed the gleam in Celly's eye as she sipped her coffee.

"Well, I'm going to waddle back to the library," Twilight said, "I hope our feedback was useful. I think the food was all excellent." Affirming noises and nods came from all the groups. "But I think our experts still say it doesn't match what he does. So it may be an uphill battle."

"I was wondering why he didn't come here more often, all of you seem to like it. Maybe Spike's right, maybe his taste buds are different," Holly Hock said.

The ponies said their good-byes and headed back to their homes. Lyra and Bonbon to their house. Derpy and Dinky to theirs. Only the Apples and Mini-Diarchs headed back to the Big Guy's home.

Darkness, quiet, smells of disinfectant, cotton sheets, segmented bed, all came to his senses. One arm bound, feels like IVs in it, sensation became thought as consciousness slowly coalesced out of the dreams and nightmares. The Big Guy opened his eyes. Illuminated by the moonlight was a blur of azure and cornflower, and a hat. It resolved itself as it came closer, and the star-spangled wizard's hat was set aside so he could see her face. Trixie nuzzled him gently, as if afraid of his fragility.

He reached out to her, as quickly as unused muscles and his lingering disorientation allowed. She pulled herself up on the bed so her head rested on his chest. He pulled her close with one arm, resting his face in her mane.

Softly he began to cry into her mane as Trixie nuzzled his chest and spoke softly, reassuringly to him. She stroked his hair with her hoof and continued crooning to him, a soft song like a lullaby.

She stayed with him until he fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

Discord watched the familiar figure, now with a crown surrounded by a wreath as his rank insignia shake himself and look around. When he focused on Discord, his expression changed.

"Okay, this is a dream," he said and signaled Discord and Tom to follow him. The scene was a parade ground full of senior NCOs. Including two from a previous scene. The scene moved around them and the specters went through their paces as the memory unfolded. "Must be '43, after I washed out of the commando training."

"You washed out?" Discord said, "I thought you were the toughest of the tough, bravest of the brave."

"Underhanded and sneaky to the nth degree," Tom added, his approval clear in his tone.

The dreamshades from the past went through the motions, as if he had been reviewing them properly. Words were exchanged, faint facial tics as the past revealed something that drew his attention.

"Over 60-percent of the people who entered that training washed out," the Big Guy said, "The official reason was that my French, although fluent, had enough Québécois elements that it would mark me as non-Continental to any skilled listeners. And the people I'd be going up against were very skilled listeners. I suspect that it was also I was still suffering from the battle fatigue from Dieppe, and I wouldn't be properly treated for that until Korea. Still, I got my warrant out of it, and a transfer to the 3d Division, which was forming up."

The shade reached out a leg and tapped 'Moustache's' feet into a correct position.

"Oh, that's a serious insult," he explained, "That I found something, didn't call him out on it, and fixed it myself because I didn't trust him to. Especially in this formation of the other ranks who are going to be a training cadre. It's saying he's a complete screw up who has connections to protect him."

"Not nice," Tom agreed.

"If it were completely untrue, he would have put himself on report for the lapse, or done something to indicate he acknowledged the failure or told me 'as you were, sir, to tell me I'd made a mistake, instead he just fumed. Which is the point. You don't do what I just did."

The rest of the inspection went on. The other training instructor from earlier raised an eyebrow as the Big Guy inspected him.

"Now this guy was just plain scary. Soft-spoken, lead from the front, could tear you to pieces just by looking at you a particular way," the Big Guy said.

"The Stare," Discord commented as he made a scary face out of his own. He put his face back when neither Tom nor the Big Guy reacted to it.

"Anyway, I tried to model my methods after his, not sergeant blimp back there. I think I did a decent job," he said.

The scene faded and they walked along the obstacle course and other training grounds. Soldiers climbing, exercising, listening to open air lectures on enemy weapons and tactics. Men preparing for war.

Discord watched the trained eye, catching things the Big Guy had missed as a more callow youth. Discord could also tell from the faint changes of expression which of the many would not be making it back. He glanced back to Tom, and considered the precarious position his counterpart rested in.

So this is what worries and regret are like? Discord thought, I don't like them. Not one bit.

He followed and watched as the Big Guy continued his walk through the annals of his own history.

We'll get there, eventually, he thought but kept quiet, watching these troops and how their seeming devotion to order could produce such bizarre and vibrant chaos.

Day 38

Rarity looked over her work, and sighed with satisfaction. "Now all we need to do is hear he's woken up, and we'll be ready." She smiled at how frazzled she felt after all the work she'd put in. "Maybe I should send a letter to Princes Luna and ask her to provide the last touches." Rarity giggled at that, then sobered up. "Time to face the new day."

She wrapped up her project and made notes of to whom each would be delivered. Then she returned to the odd gems that had been delivered while she was out. Starlit Circlet had found a gem cutter willing to do the unusual work. The en cabochon cut of the stones was unusual, but it had brought out the quality of the star beautifully.

Rarity smiled and headed toward the suit Starlit Circlet had ordered. "I need to keep these to a numerical minimum, but have maximum impact." She pulled out the drawing she'd made of the incredible stallion the Big Guy had become. "And I think I know where they need to go. Perfect," she said and gave a grin a Timberwolf would have envied.

Celestia was laughing so hard the guards were wondering if she'd survive. Armor had to wave them back, despite the convulsions their ruler was going through.

"It wasn't that hard, I just looped some string through some fittings inside the tank and tied them up real good," Selene explained from her place at the breakfast table.

Celestia laughed and pounded a hoof on the table. Luna was trying to remain austere, but her proud smile kept slipping through. Cadence managed a few ladylike squawks, hidden behind a napkin, but it was clear that she too would soon be reacting as Celestia was.

Selene looked at Celestia for a moment. Celestia waved a hoof for her to continue. "Well, that cheater ran down a long set of steps between some buildings. He knew my poor tank couldn't follow. So I knocked a building down and jumped the tank clear over those steps." She paused as Celestia's laughter reached a new crescendo. "Since he was above me, I elevated the guns and aimed for the building. I knew it couldn't dodge. I can't imagine how he dodges bullets like that."

"Wouldn't extra turrets collapse the springs?" Armor asked.

"Yeah, that's why I had to get rid of all the machineguns and their ammo, to lighten the load."

"Wahahahahahah!" Celestia interrupted, pounding the breakfast table with both hooves.

"So I drove off, and got a good place to hide. I reloaded all the guns and pointed them in different directions, so he couldn't sneak up on me. So the big cheater got a high-level bomber and dropped a giant marshmallow on me. It took forever to get the wheels cleared. But I got him back. He thought standing in midair would protect him. But my tank could deal with that too."

Celestia was just managing snorts that shook her entire frame. Philomena was hanging upside down from her perch, wings extended as if stunned.

Selene looked around. "Mommy, are you sure you want more foals? I didn't think Auntie Celestia could survive any more."

"She could have one herself," Luna suggested.

Celestia instantly sobered and stared at her. "With him?" she asked aghast.

"Why not?" Luna said, "It seems he's becoming more acceptable." She munched some of her oatmeal while Celestia stared at her.

"But, his herd, they'd see me as an interloper," Celestia said.

"I meant Tom," Luna said, and glanced at Celestia's place and saw only her legs sticking straight up and twitching slightly. "Yes, that bed was creepy. Daughter, a barrage is good, but always keep one heavy punch back for the knock out."

"Okay mom," Selene said and started in on her own oatmeal.

Twilight had gone through the letter that the Big Guy had sent from Nightmare's realm to Celestia. She changed the strange monster characters to their Equestrian equivalents, and the resultant message was strikingly similar to the written Equestrian one of the original document, and just as insulting.

"You're going to break your teeth," Spike said as he entered, "If you keep doing that."

Twilight forced herself to relax. "I can't believe he had the gall to say those things to the Princess."

"Part of it was a diversion," Spike reminded her, "He had to get Nightmare's confidence, so he could sic Discord on them."

"It's just so insulting, and so untrue," Twilight said.

Spike kept silent.

The pounding on the door interrupted anything Twilight planned to reply. The utterly distraught, lime-green pegasus dashed in and then closed the door behind her. "Twilight you have to help me!"

"Rainbow Dash?" Spike and Twilight said of the almost monochrome creature. Only her eyes and teeth were any break in the sameness of her coloration. Even her saddlebags were green.

"Yeah, I woke up this morning, and I was fine. But there was this button and it said 'Don't Touch,', but since it was on my door, I figured what harm could it do, so I touched it and," Rainbow gasped for a breath before continuing, "It changed me into this! It won't wash off!"

Rainbow reached into her pack.

"NO!" Spike shouted and grabbed the device out of Rainbow's pack and ran for the downstairs lab with it. He returned, without it, a few moments later. "What were you thinking?" he demanded.

Spike and Rainbow looked at Twilight.

"Oh, yeah right, sorry," Rainbow apologized.

Twilight glared at both of them. "I wouldn't have pushed the button."

Spike stared at her with hooded eyes.

Twilight harumphed and walked over to Rainbow. "I have some stronger cleaners than you have at your house."

"I certainly do," Spike muttered, Rainbow's housekeeping was well known to the dragon.

"We should have that off in a jiffy," Twilight said. Outside, the clock tower rang.

Spike and Twilight gasped as Rainbow changed color with each stroke of the clock, settling on a bright pink even Sweetie Belle would have decried as 'too girly'.

"Oh man!" Rainbow said as she looked herself over, "This is worse!"

'Oh my!' Celly 'wrote' over her head as she entered, and looked over Rainbow Dash. 'And you changed color at the stroke of the hour?' she added in glowing script over her head.

Rainbow nodded.

Celly sat down and thought.

"Do you know what this is?" Twilight asked, then facehooved and created the same glowing letters for the mini-Diarch to read.

'The famous warlord Bucephalas, of the preclassical period, who briefly united all three tribes under his banner, was famed for his stunning campaigns and the precision rather than the force his armies used,' Celly explained in glowing script, then she chuckled, 'He told me when we met about his dreams of another world where he and his bipedal partner, Alexander, conquered a huge empire in that other world. So the delusions about, let's call them humans, go back well before Lyra and her obsession.'

"That's an element of the pony psyche I'd never considered before," Twilight said, then wrote in the air. "Why have I never heard this before?"

'I met Bucephalas, I didn't think to keep independent records, as his scribe was taking down everything,' Celly wrote, then she looked wistful, 'OH, I was a much younger, and more passionate mare in those days.' She stared at Twilight. 'Since that was going to be your next question.'

Twilight hunched her shoulders and blushed.

'Well, I discovered his human had alchemists who invented a chemical which on cotton, or ironically horse hair, would change color at precise intervals,' Celly explained in script, 'Bucephalas used that on young colts and fillies who were too young for battle, but would stay with the generals to allow coordination.'

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, living watches, hooray," Twilight whispered. "So literally, green means go," Twilight said and repeated in glowing script.

Celly nodded. 'Exactly, I do wish I had known of his passing. If I had been there, I might have taken his empire and forestalled the terrible problems of the classical era. Passionate, and a bit foolish,' Celly admitted in script, 'The good news is for Rainbow Dash, the chemical wears off after a few hours.'

"Wow! That's great your, I mean Cele, I mean, uh," Dash said then looked at Twilight, "What am I supposed to call her?"

Twilight facehooved. "How about 'Celly'," Twilight said and crafted, 'Rainbow says thank you, Celly'.

The mini-Diarch nodded.

"Ah, whatever happened with that other empire?" Rainbow asked, then shook her head, "Spike can you hand me some paper?"

"Right here," Spike handed over a scroll and pencil.

"Thanks," Rainbow said and wrote, 'What happened to the other Empire?'

'It probably collapsed too,' Celly admitted in writing, 'And all the secrets were probably lost, as was the chemical that Bucephalas used.'

"Yeah, without a scrap of cotton-soaked chemical and without watches, they probably couldn't keep winning battles based on timing," Rainbow said and wrote the same.

'It did evidently inspire a form of music, I read about it in the Big Guy's music collection. It's not my taste but it does immortalize them,' Celly wrote.

"Music? From military clock keepers?" Twilight asked, and wrote.

'Yes, lots of humans danced to Alexander's Rag Time Band,' Celly replied.

After a few moments, Spike waved a paw in front of Rainbow's face, then Twilight's. "You're a bad mare," he told Celly, who grinned.

Applejack wasn't expecting to see Twilight helping with the harvest. Let alone a lime-green Twilight bucking trees with her head. "Sugarcube, it doesn't work that way," she offered, only an apple or two fell from the tree with any strike.

Twilight stopped and meandered away from the tree. Her bleary expression showed the effect of the 'applebucking'. "But I want it to hurt," she admitted, "Then I don't think about it." She wandered erratically back to the tree, reared back, and missed the tree completely.

"Sugarcube, it can't be that bad," Applejack told Twilight as she clambered to her feet.

"It's not easy, being green," Pinkie sang as she pronked past, a bright, lime-green Pinkie Pie.

Twilight giggled like a madmare from the cinema, then took another swing and miss at the tree.

"I wonder if cousin Braeburn needs a hand for a few weeks," Applejack said quietly.

"Okay, it is that bad, but beating your head against a tree isn't going to help," Applejack said to Twilight.

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked in a weird singsong.

"Yes, Sugarcube," Applejack said quietly, "It's better to face these things without the massive headache you're gonna be getting."

"But I want it to hurt," Twilight giggled.

"Come on, Sugarcube," Applejack said and led Twilight away, "I think you need to talk with somepony about this."

Twilight giggled happily as she zigzagged beside Applejack.

The farmpony led Twilight back to Rarity's place, hoping the designer could help her talk sense to the researcher. Twilight's continuing giggles did nothing to bolster Applejack's confidence.

If this was a cinema, Applejack thought, I'd be walking into a trap. But Discord hasn't escaped, so what's to worry?

"Twilight, we'll talk to Rarity, I'm sure that will help," Applejack said.

Twilight's answering laugh set off the hackles on Applejack. She stared at the grinning unicorn for a few moments, before heading towards Rarity's door. "Okay, Twilight, it'll all be better in a moment."

Applejack looked at the scene in Rarity's and blinked. Woona, Celly, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Lyra, Fluttershy, Jonathan, Johnny, Bonbon, Derpy, and Dinky all stared back at here. The details of Rarity's 'project' now perfectly clear.

Applejack closed the door and looked back at the wild-eyed unicorn. "Okay, you were right, I was wrong, I'll let you go back to the farm, and uhm, let you count the apples on the trees."

Twilight grinned happily as Applejack led her back towards the farm.

I'm gonna crawl into the root cellar, and lock it from the inside, Applejack thought, And wait until tomorrow shows up.

It was the same dream. The quiet darkness, the smells of disinfectant, the feel of cotton sheets on a segmented bed. He could hear the quiet conversations of the nurses in the distance.

They're normally silent later, so it's earlier than the last time, the Big Guy thought.

One more similarity, the blur of azure and cornflower, and a hat.

Trixie stood up on her hind legs to get close so she could nuzzle him gently, and let him pull her close with one arm, resting his face in her mane. He breathed in her scent and listened as she spoke softly, reassuringly to him. She stroked his hair with her hoof and continued crooning to him, a soft song like a lullaby.

He held her as long as consciousness remained, then he slipped off into a dreamless sleep. He vaguely remembered the gentle kiss before she left.

"You are awful!" Woona accused Celly as they enjoyed a dinner alone. The Apples had stayed behind trying to pry Applejack out of the root cellar. Rarity's group had gone out to dinner together to discuss putting Rarity's plan into action.

"Rainbow was implying she was the prank master of Ponyville," Celly said, her expression one of offended innocence, "I had to do something."

"And you wonder why Discord fell in love with this world's Celestia. At least he isn't the maniac we had to deal with."

"This world's Discord at least has a sense of humor," Celly admitted, "As long as you weren't the victim, his exploits are kind of funny."

"Did you ever wash that green off of Twilight?" Woona asked.

"Of course," Celly said and giggled, "I knew she couldn't resist pressing that button. I just figured it would take a few days to prey on her mind."

Woona shook her head at her sister's schadenfreude. "Of course, they still don't know it's you," Woona pointed out.

"That's the advantage. Since I didn't do anything to the restaurant, that'll be who they'll suspect," Celly said, "That's strategy."

Woona nodded.

"Well, I'm going to bed," Celly said, "Can you close down everything?"

"Sure," Woona called as Celly put her dishes in the washing machine.

Woona waited. Ten, nine, eight, she thought as she got out of her chair and prepared to run, Seven, six, five, four, three, two.

"Augh!" Celly screamed from the bathroom.

Woona raced to her sister's side. "Celly!"

The stunned Alicorn was staring into the toilet full of blue 'water', Celly was panting as she stared at it. Woona looked at it.

"Celly, Celly, it's okay. It's probably just food dye or some kind of indicator. That Rainbow Dash is very clever, or maybe it was Pinkie Pie," Woona said, soothing her sister. "You aren't bleeding into your kidneys."

Woona stroked Celly's side with her wing. "It's all right, it's all right," she said as Celly's breathing came back from her frantic panting.

Celly finally took a deep breath. "Thank you." Her expression became determined. "Rainbow Dash."

"It could be Pinkie Pie too, I think she's a bit more sophisticated," Woona said, "They aren't the easy marks you thought they'd be, were they?"

Celly grimaced and washed her hooves before heading to the bedroom. Woona walked back to the dinner table to clear the dishes.

Woona finished her glass of milk, then put it in beside Celly's in the washing machine. "And I have poisoned your drink," Woona said quietly and grinned.

25) Friends In High Places

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Friends In High Places

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of has bro, Inc.

Day 42

Nurse Redheart looked at the collection of brochures and the immunization set-up. She'd neglected her duty of applying the final shots of the series with the events of the last few weeks. Now she had to do her job. Her eyes fell on the blanket that had been her introduction to 'the Ponyville Monster', it had been wrapped carefully around a wounded filly, as both padding and to keep her warm. At least I had rational reasons to be afraid, she thought, I just wish my fellow conspirators had such a good reason.

She collected the slew of children's brochures and the other equipment and headed out to call on her patient. Then she paused, and considered that Rarity's should really be her first stop.

Tom was overjoyed to see Celestia picking her way through the battered dreamscape. Whether she was here to accept a dressing down, or here to be charming, he knew she could help soothe his friend's battered psyche. No one believes in the power of friendship like she does, he thought.

Then he stopped, remaining concealed amid the rubble. That's not trepidation and care for having trespassed in another's mind, he realized, That's loathing and disgust at the surroundings. She's not trying not to disturb a wounded friend, she's swimming through a river of filth.

The erratic delicacy that Celestia picked her way forward enhanced Tom's suspicions. Then he focused on her horn and it all came clear.

When Celestia vanished, Tom retreated to seek Discord. That wasn't our Celestia. It seems someone has come looking for her missing horn, and we'd better deal with that.

"Coming!" Rarity's voice was heard from the depths of the shop as Redheart waited, the blanket draped over a foreleg. "Oh, Nurse Redheart, is something wrong?"

"Yes, but not with your family," the nurse pony said, "The effect on the Big Guy needs to be reversed. But those books on psychology open entire new realms that we'd never even considered."

"I am glad they will help, but I don't see the connection," Rarity admitted.

"The sense of smell is both weaker and more visceral in humans. Their own book calls them that, so Lyra was right. But what I can do is return this. All cleaned, except for a few additions." She showed the blanket to Rarity.

"This is what he wrapped Dinky in, when he took her to the hospital. I can understand returning it, but what additions?" Rarity took the proffered blanket and sniffed it. "Derpy's shampoo and conditioner. I'm missing how I can help. I'm not one of his inner circle, and I change my scents on a whim."

"What is Luna's perfume, shampoo and conditioner?" Redheart asked, "I think it's a way to bypass his normal defenses and go straight for his instincts. Scent, plus safety will become more interlinked."

"Luna has simple tastes," Rarity said, "She uses Mane and Tail number six, with Jasmine. And her scent, she doesn't use one, as far as I know. That's just how she smells."

"It's a start," Redheart said, "Thank you."

"Chemical warfare," Rarity said to the departing nurse, "I heartily approve."

"It's medical," Redheart said and grinned.

"Augh!" Discord shouted in frustration, then began pouting, "All that chaos she can cause in here, and I don't want it to happen!" He glared at Tom.

His counterpart soothed the draconequus. "There, there. I'm sure you can find a way to begin the chaos and keep it going as a roaring inferno," Tom said, "You just have to apply yourself."

"Stick my nose to the flaming grindstone," Discord replied, then sat up in his chair, "Nose to the flaming grind stone." Then sagged back down. "No, it couldn't be his exact world she was invading. That would be too easy. 'Hey I found your people and we can send you home, the movers will be here in five minutes. I just have to keep Madlestia from turning you into a pony first.'"

"What, you think he was brought from the world connected to an alternate Equestria to this one?" Tom asked, "That would be convoluted even for you."

"Yes. Well, I thought it, and it doesn't work." Discord sighed then Discord stretched out his feet and cracked his toes. "It seems someone has to deal with Missy Grimplot and her purple gak." He sighed. "I could just turn her into a pool toy with a built-in squeaker, and other appropriate features."

"And when Celestia finds out about your recreational activities?" Tom asked, "She's very strange about how she reacts to ponies who misbehave."

"Maybe, but there's nothing more satisfying than sticking a pin in a god and watching them deflate," Discord said.

"That wasn't a pin you were talking about, or was it?" Tom asked.

Discord just glowered at him.

Shining Armor looked at the cards he'd been dealt. Their highness' two chamberlains Emerald Light and Feather Stockings, and the griffon general, Glorious Sunrise enjoyed a late lunch card game as the various politicians of various nations argued over the fate of one alien the ponies of Equestria had 'fumbled the handling of'.

"At least the nobles have somehow come to their senses. I can't imagine where Blue Moon got the clout to rein in that pack of maniacs," Emerald Light said as he raised his cards and frowned.

"Fold," Armor said disgustedly. He held up the cards. An ace and a ten, value one. "You suppose with all the ancient and alien customs and ideas, that our friend has a card game where that's a winning hand?"

Feather Stockings snickered. "Raise three, anything is possible."

Emerald Light silently regarded his cards, before discarding one and the griffon sent another card across the table to him. "Raise six," the stallion said.

"Anything is possible," Glorious Sunrise said. He grinned and turned over an ace and an eight, nine. "There might even be a game where that's a bad hand." He grinned as he put the cards back in the discard pile and dealt two cards to each of the four players.

Armor looked at his cards and grimaced again. "General, if you'll forgive the question, you seem a good deal more amenable than your reputation."

"That isn't a question," Glorious said quietly as he stared at his cards.

"What happened?" Emerald Light said, "I believe that's the question."

The old griffon sighed. "You lad should be able to guess. The overly zealous lieutenant who has become a more even captain."

Armor stared at him. "Another griffon?" he asked.

The general scoffed, "One of those arrogant feather-dusters, or bits of down floating around. Please captain, give an old bird a little credit." He smiled. "A pony, but a brilliant mind. Like my Sunstriker. Not so stuck in wanting to know history or politics, but willing to talk about things I'm really interested in. I was even gladder that our investigation shows that her family is as solid as any in Equestria. I could enjoy a little ebullient joy, and a bit of intelligent conversation."

"Card," Armor said, and received one, "Well that's loads of help, two."

"How did you meet her?" Feather asked, "Pass, raise three."

"She was in Ponyville," the griffon said as he glanced at Emerald.

"Added card," Luna's chamberlain said and received a third card, "Call. Not the young captain's sister?"

Armor grimaced and stared at the griffon.

"No, but one of her friends," the griffon said.

Armor's brows knitted as the griffon took a card and raised three. Armor was deciding, when the griffon told him. "The Element of Laughter."

Nurse Redheart felt very much she was entering the lair of a monster. She steeled herself as the large dog seemed to be watching her with a good deal more interest and comprehension that a dog had any right to have.

"Just the inoculation set up," she said and opened the kit to let the very large dog see it, "Keeps him from getting any of our diseases."

The dog seemed to relax a trifle.

Redheart walked towards the closet where it had holed up. She felt a pang of guilt over her part in the affair. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, and touched a hoof to his shoulder.

He half turned to look at her. She showed him the blanket she was returning. He made a soft noise. She put it under his head to act as a pillow, and to get the scents close to his nose. Then she hooved over one of the brochures on immunization. He looked at it briefly, and pulled up his sleeve. Then he said something that made the dog gasp.

I'll investigate this later, she thought.

"Ah, it'll hurt less if you lie on your stomach and . . . and I doubt you'd be willing to do that with any mare right now. In the foreleg it is," she took the first of a series of fourteen shots that most ponies got over a six-month period early in life. "Sorry about this," she repeated, sterilized the needle and gave him the first shot.

Shining Armor wandered through the castle, he seemed only dimly aware of Mile Stone and Cadence worriedly following him. They couldn't make out his bewildered mutterings, but they realize it was the same set of sentences over and over again.

"Have you seen this before?" Cadence asked Mile Stone. She fretted as Armor slowly walked along the corridors.

"Not usually without some serious trauma," Mile Stone said, "Although his sister would occasionally get this way. When she encountered a problem that made no logical sense per her understanding of the universe."

"Understanding," Armor giggled, "Understanding, ah ha ha ha. I understand it completely." Armor wandered along, and kept giggling. An unsettling sound.

"Shining," Cadence said carefully, "What do you understand?"

She shied back as he stared at her, the grin was alien to his usual expression. "Everything. Discord has taken over the world, and he's just messing with us." He giggled. "The Colonel-General has found a soul mate, in Ponyville." Armor giggled again. "A mare his intellectual equal, who discusses what he's interested in. And I told him how to court her." The giggle was particularly dispiriting this time.

"The five-time winner of most stolid object in Equestria? Beating even the Canterhorn itself?" Cadence said, "Not your sister, is it?"

Armor's answering giggle concerned her and Mile Stone. "Three guesses, and the first two aren't pink," Armor giggled and kept meandering.

Cadence let out a similar giggle as she realized who they had to be referring to. She shook her head and said, "The griffon has to be playing a joke on us."

Mile Stone shrugged. "That would be more Sunstriker's forte," he said, and glanced at the two younger ponies, "Why is it the young never seem to understand that the old were young once too. And for this, I'm missing lunch: cream of asparagus on toast." He sighed and followed the pair as they laughed nervously at the thoughts racing through their minds.

Despite Tom's encounter, Discord had felt the probing of the dimensional barriers around Equestria for several days. But now I have to take action, he thought and grimly looked about this alternate Equestria for signs of similarity and differences. The first was truly shocking, his counterpart in this other reality was long-destroyed, so he was unnoticed as he made his way into the holy-of-holies with malice aforethought. I really should bring him to Celestia's version. It might be very interesting to see what happens. The spell was a bit too familiar, another warning he'd have to impress on Celestia, whose 'experts' were investigating in Nistag's lab even now. So, all of the plant master's secrets were found, and far too early for Celestia to deal with them. Tragic, he thought, damping his anger at this abomination as he used that anger to fuel the spell he sent against it. The Chaos magic that had protected it against everything else let his Chaos magic through. Professional courtesy, he explained.

The crystalline tree was slowly dying, the crystals blackening and dropping to the floor to shatter. Discord stepped back into the shadows of the room and waited. He was very surprised that it took so long for the clattering of hooves to announce the entire reason he was here.

She was as beautiful as his own Celestia, but the artificial horn that replaced the one sheered from her head reminded him of the difference.

Nothing can grow in that soil, it is too poisoned for anything, he thought, feeling the regrets that she had fallen so far, I had to see, before I pronounced sentence. Sorry, Celestia, but this is not something you should ever have to face. I can keep it from happening, he vowed silently as the white alicorn cast spell after spell to slow the rot that was swiftly disintegrating the focus of her power and madness.

"DISCORD!" she shouted, setting the very stone to shaking.

"Amazing that you'd see what I've done, and think of me," Discord said as he stepped into the light, and closed the trap on this threat to his home.

"What have you done?" the mad Solar Tyrant shouted, "How did you escape?"

"I didn't, I came from one of those other realities you threaten," Discord offered quietly, no jokes, only a sober reflection of pain over what could befall someone he loved. "As for what I did, I simply moved things to their logical conclusion."

The insane mirror of Celestia danced nervously. "Fix it!"

"I thought you wanted perfect order, I simply applied it to the stolen Chaos magic you were using. Harmony is not conformity," he explained, hoping to see the faintest glimmer of comprehension or contrition, "Harmony is accepting the differences, to contend ideas and beliefs against each other, and still end the argument loving and respecting the other." It tore his heart to see only a moment of confusion, then the arrogant surety.

"I am a goddess," she told him coldly as she pawed the ground and lowered her horn, "I destroyed you before, I can do so again." Her horn glowed briefly, before it blackened and the grafted crystal fell from her forehead and shattered, leaving only the blackened stump on Celestia.

"You've destroyed nothing, yet. You tore the other me to pieces, and stapled the bits to the floor. But it is not me whom you will destroy, but you were the one who you drove mad," he said. She ignored the implicit warning of his subdued manner and tone. He tried to explain, to give her one last chance, "You cannot base perfection on a flawed and chaos-riven foundation. And I will not allow you to destroy my Celestia's Equestria, and I will destroy the falsity you have foisted on all your victims."

"You are dead!" she shrieked as she shied and sunfished, "I am Queen, I am a goddess!"

"You are a lonely mare who never understood that people can oppose you out of love for you," Discord said, "You defeated the other me because as a confirmed narcissist himself, he could not see how deadly unbridled narcissism can become. That the greatest evil is 'the Greater Good', that allows you to ignore the very principles you would seek to champion. You never considered how many, if simply offered, would flock to your banner. Especially if it could be reversed. A vacation seeing what Harmony could do. Converts, not slaves. To teach and educate would have given you an army of advocates as enthusiastic and as evangelizing as those whose fanaticism was forged by force and distortions."

Celestia still twitched and sidestepped as the crystals of the tree continued to blacken and fall away. "I will destroy you." She suddenly shrieked and looked at the blackened spot on her foreleg. She cried in alarm as that spot grew, and another appeared on her other foreleg, then another on her flank. "What have you done!?" she faced Discord and screamed. She nearly spun around looking at the black spots appearing on her body. Spots that burned her like fire.

"You are correct, only one force in Equestria can destroy you. How fortunate it is so easily available. And how it hates you."

"You could never summon that force!" Celestia squealed from the throes of pain. She threw herself at him, but like a neutrino, he interacted only weakly with her. Instead she crashed into the walls. She turned and charged again, only to strike not Discord but the dying crystal tree. She gasped as her collision sheared off a major limb which fell and mouldered away.

"The force is yourself, Queen Celestia," Discord said and reined in the fury he felt at this sacrilegious blending of everything he and Celestia stood for that managed only to make a mockery of both, "You never realized that the thing in all the world you hated more than anything, was yourself." He looked at her sadly as the growing spots began to join together. "I simply eliminated the destruction of all those who 'failed' you, and went straight to the endgame, where your fire consumes itself. Where you consume yourself. Those that burn hottest, burn most briefly. That is the way of suns. You should have remembered that. I promise, my Celly will learn that lesson."

The smell of burning horseflesh filled the large room. Celestia's shrieks fell off even as she collapsed and kicked weakly. Soon all that was left was a piece of smoldering charcoal.

"I hope those left behind can undo what you have done," Discord said quietly as he left the chamber. In the palace, the guards and servants ran here and there in a chaos he would have once danced in joy on seeing.

But this is the death throes of madness, he thought as he rushed to the garden. The statue of Luna stood where his statue should have been. He stuck his finger against it, and the mare shuddered to life.

"Discord," Luna shouted in alarm and fear as she reared back, and shied away as far as the pedestal allowed. Then she looked at his expression more closely and settled on the ground beside the pedestal. "Discord?"

"Not yours," he replied. "The Barrier has fallen. You will have to stabilize things here, and prepare the articles of surrender. You will find them astoundingly generous to the fallen."

"Discord?" Luna said.

Discord took off Luna's ears and cleaned them out, dumping a trumpet, a live cat and several bushels of junk mail out of them. "Testing, testing, the Solar Tyrant is dead, and unless you take swift action, all of Equestria will follow." He stuffed the ears back on Luna. He was enjoying the restoration of his full power, as the local Discord was still slowly-reintegrating pieces, he could utilize that worthy's power for a little while. Once there was a contest, Discord could explain everything to Discord and let the events unfold without him.

"How?" Luna asked.

"The humans have ponies with them. Imagine that, your foes embrace everything Equestria supposedly stood for. Hammer on the anvil, and the dross shines brightest."

Luna shied at his tone and expression.

He reined in his anger and revulsion. "I can go explain it to them, but you must get a handle on the chaos inside. If you do not move swiftly, and give them something and someone to focus on, they will tear themselves apart."

Luna's eyes widened.

"Chaos is fun, but genocide will leave nothing to play with," Discord said peevishly, "There. Better, more understandable as the Discord you expect? It's been a long time, for both of us, people change," he said and sighed as Luna nodded. "Go," Discord said, "I've got work to do. I will try to buy both sides the time to come to their senses. After that, there will be all the chaos I can enjoy. But if you kill each other, nobody wins. Not even me."

He felt Luna's incredulous stare on him as he vanished.

Selene Dream slipped out of the door to the Princess' quarters, the small filly who followed her was a bit of an embarrassment. She didn't say anything, because to complain meant her mother would be full-sized as she accompanied her.

Her goal was easily found. She smirked inwardly as the four fillies followed 'Hotaru' and barked along with the happy song the former Nightmare was joyously singing.

I wonder if I translated 'Where There's a Whip, There's a Way' for them, if they'd appreciate it, Selene thought of the singing group.

"Hello," she said as she approached.

It took Dinky a few moments to recognize her. "Your Highness." Dinky started to bow.

"None of that, I haven't been formally recognized," Selene said, "And I need your help in an experiment."

Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked on expectantly. They noted the little princess' lack of a cutie mark. "Are you here to join the Crusaders?" Scootaloo asked eagerly. Instantly the other two chattered happily about the possibility of a princess being a member of the club. Dinky merely facehoofed at the prospect.

"Actually, I already know my destiny," Selene said, "And my special power."

"You do?" Applebloom asked. She and the others became instantly interested.

"I can sense destinies. And with the right spells, I can even give cutie marks," Selene said, and ignored her mother clearing her throat. "In fact I studied up on you three before I left Canterlot."

She suddenly had three fillies' faces nearly pressed up against hers. "You do? You can!"

"Certainly," Selene said, "Scootaloo, with your speed and agility, you'll get a book, and be the fastest and most skilled librarian in the world. Rivaling even the legendary Dust Jacket. You'll take over the library here from Twilight and eventually move to head librarian at Canterlot, ArchChancellor of the Royal Archives!"

The pinpoint pupils and saucer-sized eyes was well worth it.

"Applebloom, you will become the most famous and prolific seller of mangos in Equestria. You'll have to hire many of your relatives to work for you as you drive apples into a niche market, but you will be more famous than even your grandmother."

"Mangos?" Applebloom said in horror.

"And Sweetie Belle, you will be the most famous Wonderbolt in Equestrian history. Aren't those wonderful destinies, but I'll have to cast the spell fast, or they'll slip away?"

"You mean if we wait a bit, that cain't happen?" Applebloom said.

"Yes, tragic isn't it," Selene said and blocked out the strangled snorts from the other fillies with them, and Hotaru's.

"Oh yes, tragic," Sweetie Belle agreed, "But what are you here in Ponyville for? After all, it's taking you away from whipping up destinies."

"Yes, we'd really like to know, tell us everything and don't spare the details," Scootaloo added.

"I am here on a quest, for knowledge," Selene said.

"Ooo!" the Crusaders answered.

"The Big Guy has the most convoluted destiny I have ever seen," Selene continued, "And I was trying to figure out how to untangle it."

"And you need our help?" Dinky said, then grinned, "But must get the Crusaders' their Cutie Marks." Dinky smiled at the utter dread on the Crusaders' faces.

"Mustn't interrupt a princess, when she's trying to teach a lesson," Sweetie Belle said, then grinned back, "And you don't have a Cutie Mark either."

"My daddy doesn't have one, and neither do Celly nor Woona," Dinky said and shrugged, "So I can be patient about getting mine."

"Neither Celly nor Woona have their Cutie Marks yet?" the filly with Selene asked.

"Nope," Dinky said, "It's a little weird, but it's too complicated when they try to explain it."

The fillies nodded.

The situation room was deep under the city of Richmond, Virginia. Ponies and humans were staring at reports that were increasingly pointing to the salvation of the human race.

" 'When I looked at those ships, I didn't see just my death, I saw the death of the whole, damn human race'," they heard coming from everywhere and nowhere.

The guards tensed and scanned the room with their weapons.

" 'Then why did they surrender?' 'I don't know, maybe the universe blinked, maybe God changed His mind, all I know is we got a second chance,'" Discord said as he stepped into view of the assembled guards. "Good lines, just don't blow it. It was difficult and painful to arrange."

The guards raised their weapons as the ponies among the humans drew back.

"Discord!" Octavia gasped as she drew back.

"The three and only," the trio said together. "Hey anybody want to see the pencil trick?" They held up a pencil, a pen and a coat hanger.

"Who are you?" the soldier at the table said as he stood. While not the highest ranked, he was by force of personality, the leader.

"Discord, the spirit of chaos, trickster extraordinarie." He paused and considered. "Ah, in human terms, 'eh, what's up doc?'" Discord said and munched a carrot. " 'Eh, how you get so big eating food of this kind?' Ah, steak! That's better, and rosewood, the thorns are the best part." He munched the twisted collection of rose stems.

"What do you want?" the highest-ranking politician asked.

"The Solar Tyrant is dead, assisted suicide, Princess Luna is now trying to stabilize Equestria. I want you to hold back any of your attacks. I suspect you're going to have your hands full with the repercussions of that effect. The new foals are going to need leadership, without the influence of the Solar Tyrant, they are going to need a purpose. I think you'll find them a good deal more pliable. Although they may start acting more like regular ponies." Discord shuddered. "Boring."

"Can he be trusted?" the politician asked.

"I can be trusted as well as you can be," Discord said, "So count your fingers, toes and children when I shake your hand. And guard your wallet when I say I'm going to help you."

"Discord!" Lyra shouted as she entered with another sheaf of reports, "Guards! Guards!"

"Guards!" Discord shouted, "Free cheeseburgers for everyone! The pony ones are vegi-burgers or tofu!" The platter of cheeseburgers appeared on the table. The arriving guards were carrying additional platters of cheeseburgers, where they had been carrying rifles or grenade launchers. The buns were either shaped like a human head, or a pony silhouette.

The soldier had pulled up a file on his tablet computer. He looked over to see Discord's head floating over his shoulder reading along with him. "This behavior doesn't seem consistent with the description of you."

"Pick out the word in that sentence that explains it," Discord said as he reached over and grabbed his head. He dribbled his head while waiting.

The soldier grimaced. "So the Barrier is gone?" he asked.

"Correctamundo!" Discord said happily. "I tried to put the cities back the way they were, but I decided I could make some improvements."

Octavia gasped.

"The Leaning Tower, now it swings both ways, hmm, maybe I should have put it in San Francisco. I just had to put the casing blocks back on the pyramids, and library of Alexandria, it was supposed to be in Alexandria, Virginia, wasn't it?" Discord took a seat in midair and considered. "It was a rush job after all. Well, you are such an inventive people, I'm sure you can figure out a way to switch the Eiffel Tower and Big Ben. But I think the clocks and bells give it a certain je ne sais quaff. I'll certainly drink to that. Tea for preference. I only whine when hit by the Elements of Harmony."

"You put the clocks on the Eiffel Tower?" the politician asked.

"Oh, the clocks are supposed to go on Big Ben?" Discord asked, he shrugged, "Never mind."

"Oh, and to answer your question, why my behavior is so charming in an unexpected way. I've been taking lessons from a friend, a human. I realized if the Solar Tyrant wormed her way into Celly's Equestria, we'd violate the principle to keep the battle away from the folks at home. As for my tutor, to give you a thumbnail, oh, you already have one. Anyway, as a soldier, he survived Dieppe, Juno Beach, Bergen-Belsin, and the Pusan Perimeter. As an engineer, he strove to fire an Arrow into the air. Then with no Avro to call home, he worked with welders and inspectors to ensure the Aquarius' engine could get the Odyssey home."

"Failure is not an option," the soldier understood, "But chaos?"

"Thief!" a second Discord appeared and confronted the first. "You stole my powers! I'm here to take them back."

"Oh, I'll give them back, and something else," Discord told Discord, then grinned.

The other Discord glowed briefly. He laughed uproariously, then fell over and curled into a ball.

"It's all about 'life-affirming chaos'. The starving people being in the middle of a rain of herring. Chaotic, yes, weird, yes, and very fishy, but . . . " He gestured to the soldier.

"Life affirming," Octavia said as she approached the fallen Discord, who was crying and giggling.

"Oh, he'll be fine, well, coarse, but let him try to figure out Houdini's trick," Discord said, "That'll keep him occupied. That or let him have cable, all the legislature channels. He won't know if he should laugh or cry." Discord vanished.

Outside the boundaries of the normal reality, he looked at the hundreds of Discords, Celestia, Lunas and others waiting to attack. "Okay, break it up, nothing happening here, don't you ponies have homes?" Within moments, he was alone with himself. "I said go home!" All the other Discords vanished, except the one with the 'Team Jacob' T-shirt. "Wrong Twilight," he said and reordered that one.

"What a world, what a world," it squealed as it melted.

Okay, Celly, that's one fewer enemy for your Equestria, he thought, then grinned at the massive trolling he'd pulled off on himself.

The others looked around. Octavia glanced at the still fetal-curled Discord, who still laughed and cried. "Did anyone notice that he referred to 'The Solar Tyrant', and 'Celly's Equestria'?"

Several of the members of the group nodded.

"What was that all in reference too?" Lyra asked as she nibbled a tofu burger.

"Dieppe was a military disaster, and invasion where most everything went wrong," the soldier said, "Juno went much better because of the lessons of Dieppe. Bergen-Belsen was a concentration camp. The Pusan Perimeter was the result of a nightmare retreat. The Arrow was probably the CF-105, and the Aquarius was the Lunar Excursion Module for Apollo 13."

"So, smart, tough son of a gun," Lyra said, "And he wowed Discord. So add mean."

"I can't fault your analysis," the politician said, he said as he received another report. "Equestria has surrendered unconditionally, they are requesting peacekeepers to help restore order, in return for all research on the Ponification Potion, and previously-illegal research into a reversing potion. They also point out that short duration exposure to Equestria's high magic environment will have no long-term deleterious effects. Long-term exposure results in lethargy and euphoria. Sound like bipolar."

"Sound like Discord is going to having a real fun time," Octavia said, "When he wakes up."

Dinky had heard all the talk from Selene Dreamer about 'sharing the burden' and she understood a little of it. I'm glad the Crusaders didn't get it, she thought as she watched the mares slip into their sleeping arrangements. She headed towards the closet where the Big Guy had exiled himself from the world.

Trixie was already there, cuddled up against him. She spared Dinky a glance, then smiled. Dinky took her usual place, curled up around his feet, as if nothing had changed. She was surprised when Trixie pulled a jacket off the hanger and covered her with it.

Dinky waited. She'd heard the nightmares, little cries of fear that frightened and angered her when she'd heard them from the safety of her mother's embrace.

I'll be ready for them this time, she thought, Just like Selene suggested. She drifted off to sleep.

Celestia was enjoying an evening's sleep without any worries of distractions. The last thing she expected was Discord, even the tiny fragment that 'roomed' with the Big Guy's consciousness. In her dream, she jumped to her feet and took a defensive stance. "Discord, what do you want?"

He looked at her or rather in her direction, but made no smarmy quip or denigrating insult. He was as outwardly uninterested as ever, but there was something unnerving at the tone of his disinterest.

"Discord?" she asked again.

He seemed to center himself, but he never looked directly at her as he spoke. "There is something in Nistag's lab. I don't know if it is currently a seed, or a cutting to be grafted. It promises immense power, even to one such as you or I, but it also focuses the personality." Discord paused, then continued distractedly, as Twilight did when puzzling through a difficult passage. "No, it doesn't focus, it perfects both power and personality. Distills both good and bad to their purest, powers without contamination, personality without moderating influences. In fact, moderating influences would be looked upon as traitorous contamination." He looked at Celestia, as if seeing her for the first time. "There was no reasoning with her. There would be no reasoning with you. Anything that would distract you from your goal: ethics, morals, friendship, kinships, even what you might now consider common sense, they'd be swept aside." He looked away, ignoring the clues that she could strike him any of a hundred ways and was fully prepared to do exactly that.

"You needn't worry though. I took care of her. And most of her former victims are too busy trying to allocate resources and pick up the pieces to threaten anyone here." He was back to not looking at her, actively looking this way and that, but not really seeming to see anything.

" 'There was no reasoning with her' yet you 'took care of her'?" Celestia asked. She readied for the explosion, literal or figurative. That Discord merely looked at her with an utterly bland expression frightened her worse than anything he'd done before.

"I turned her own exaggerated hatred of her overvalued imperfections against her," Discord said. His soft, distant, and utterly clinical tone implied that he knew what would happen when he did it, and still went ahead with few qualms. "I tried to explain. Even after what she did to me, and her sister, and the Element Bearers. But there was nothing to reach. Nothing to touch. I bet you or the Big Guy could have done a better job of it. All I had was me."

Celestia nodded nervously. I can't imagine facing something like that, she thought, To turn against Luna, and Twilight, what could ever force me to become like that?

Discord sighed. "Anyway, after tracking it down to Nistag's device, I just thought you should know, and that you don't have to worry about 'the Solar Tyrant' invading with her army."

"Thank you," Celestia said.

Discord nodded and turned to leave.

"Discord?" Celestia asked.

The chaos spirit didn't turn. "Yes?"

"Please come here," she said.

The look of resignation on his face was physically painful to her. Is there anyone in Equestria who doesn't fear my wrath? she asked herself, Even Twilight and her friends fear me, my sister, but I never expected to see Discord afraid of me.

"Are you all right?" she asked as he approached. She folded her wings and forced her mane and tail to subside and fall into a tight line along her back, following Fluttershy's lessons of looking small and soft.

He blinked and glanced around, as if not understanding the question. "Yes," he gave a half-hearted answer then brightened, "Why wouldn't I be?" The smile didn't last. He looked away from her. "I could either let her continue threatening those people, and then our Equestria, and how many more. Or I could, finish it."

Celestia extended her wings and drew him to her. "Oh Discord, I'm sorry," she said, and felt him trembling at her touch. "I know you did everything you could."

She never thought she'd see Discord fall to his knees and begin weeping. I don't know if I should be furious or pleased at what the Big Guy did to him, she thought as she hugged the silently crying draconequus, I can't imagine what would drive me to actually kill Luna, I never thought he actually loved me, that it wasn't a trick or a delusion. Yet he killed a 'me' for me and for Equestria.

Day 43

This is very worrisome, Tom thought about Discord's atypical behavior, He's grinning like a mad thing, which usually means some light entertainment, except for the victim. Yet he's totally oblivious. Which doesn't bode well for anybody.

"Discord," Tom said, "Pinkie Pie has sworn off parties and decided to get herself transferred to Dilbert."

"That office will certainly be a better place to work" Discord said as he walked, rather aimlessly.

Tom waited for the inevitable mental explosion when that thought penetrated. When it did, Tom was more surprised than anything.

"Pinkie Pie can be depressed, but it isn't the deep depression the Big Guy is in right now," Discord said as he sat in the air and thought, "Imagine someone who needs that restraint to work out grief." He grinned wider and kept walking.

"Definitely a plan," Tom said, "But why is he so happy about it?"

Celestia looked over the arguing politicians who'd were slowly driving her mad with their incessant demands, counterdemands and countercounterdemands. I feel like a referee, rather than a leader. I just have to keep them from killing each other and all progress they eventually produce gets tabled or grounds itself on the details they can't agree on.

The appearance of Glorious Sunrise into the chamber promised a brief respite, until Celestia realized that the griffon delegation was as perplexed as she was about the reason for his arrival.

"Colonel-General, to what do I own the pleasure?" she asked, grateful for the delay, until she saw him pulling off his glove. He threw it at her hooves and proceeded to hand an envelope to the sergeant-at-arms. Then he walked out.

The griffons were silent. The only noise from the others was the rustle of movement with an occasion neck pop as they looked from the griffons, to Celestia, and back.

Celestia was well versed in griffon customs. The thrown glove reduced the number of things the letter could say to three, all of them regrettable. The least bad is that he's resigning from the diplomatic mission, from some insult I offered, she thought as the sergeant of arms stared at the letter, and didn't seem inclined to approach her with it, No, there's no chance it could be something else.

The sergeant roused himself and approached Celestia, carrying the letter as if it would turn and bite him at any moment. "Highness, I must be reading this wrong," he offered the letter to his liege.

Celestia scanned it, the first sentence confirmed her worst fears. The list of grievances afterwards was almost an afterthought. "It seems the Colonel-General believes I have been wasting everyone's time, and to bring the issue to a close, he has challenged me to single combat," Celestia was not alone in doubting the reality of the words on the page. "In three days time. He has left for Ponyville, to see to the preparation of weapons." Celestia paused as she read through the list of weapons being prepared, then reread them just to make sure. "Oh dear," she said, as much to send the diplomatic corps into a tizzy, as to hide her own reaction to the only form of combat those weapons could result in. "Oh dear, oh dear," she said, as the pain of not smiling began to grow.

Twilight was used to seeing Pinkie Pie in the library. She was not used to seeing her reading the books there, especially not one of the books that had been lent from the Big Guy's library. "Pinkie, aren't those the books Rainbow was supposed to be using to figure out the aerial maneuvers?" Twilight asked as she noted Pinkie paging through the book and doodling on a pad.

"She keeps forgetting they're here," Pinkie mumbled around the pencil in her mouth, "I think she's afraid of them."

Twilight briefly considered that, then noted what Pinkie was concentrating on. "Aren't those like your Pinkie flier?"

"We aren't calling them 'Dianes' in this story," Pinkie said, "This word appears over and over, it's pronounced, 'helocopter', maybe they thought it had something to do with the sun."

"It's helicopter, and I don't think it has anything to do with the sun," Twilight said, "What are you working on?"

"A helicopter," Pinkie replied.

Twilight blinked, and redirected the path along lines of an answer, "Why are you studying the Big Guy's books on helicopters."

"Because none of the books in the library gave me the answers I wanted," Pinkie replied as she continued sketching.

"These books have the latest on flying spells and all the research that's been done on them," Twilight said.

"Like I said," Pinkie replied as she flipped through another set of pages until she found an intriguing diagram.

"Pinkie, I want to know what you're doing," Twilight said.

Pinkie set the pencil on the desk and looked at Twilight. "You remember all the times you tried to tell me to leave you alone, without saying anything really insulting?" she asked.

"Yes," Twilight said.

"You're no better at getting the hint than I was," Pinkie said. "I'll come back when you're busy helping the Princess." Pinkie collected her pad and walked out.

It took Twilight a moment to focus. "Helping the Princess with what?"

She dashed outside, but Pinkie was nowhere to be seen.

Pinkie had spotted the griffon approaching Sugar Cube Corners she thought she recognized him from the party. As she dashed into the shop behind him, she knew she was correct.

"Hi!" she said, "Are you here for more pastries?" she asked as he looked at her and smiled, "You're different than that meanie-pants Gilda, all you griffons are."

"Most griffons, like most ponies, are different. People who've seen the chimera have changed," he said, then grinned again, "Actually, I was scouting kitchens. Maybe you can help. I need the two best in Ponyville."

"Sugar Cube Corners is the bestest kitchen in Ponyville. The second, well, Glory and her crew have a real good one. But the restaurant down the street is pretty good too." She grinned. "Why do you need a pair of kitchens?"

He glanced around. Only the Cakes were present, and about eight customers. "Oh, I challenged her Highness to a duel." He looked stunned as Pinkie dragged him outside.

"Don't even joke about things like that," Pinkie whispered. "She's a lot better than people think."

"It's necessary," he said, "If the other nations win, they'll put your friend from elsewhere in a cage and move him from kingdom to kingdom, like a trophy. If Celestia wins, the Canterlot nobles will do the same, moving him from estate, to estate, as a pawn in their schemes against each other and their Highnesses. If I win, I decide what happens. And I promise, my plans are to keep him right here. Your sovereign knows this."

Pinkie nodded. "Okay, you Pinkie Promise, and that you'll keep Princess Celestia on as an advisor, and I'll help."

"Cross my heart, and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," he intoned.

The coldness and seriousness of his reply told her all she needed to know.

"I am curious, why include Celestia?" he asked.

"She comes up with good plans," Pinkie said.

I'm not betraying her, Pinkie thought, I'm trying to help her.

"But, they turn in her hooves," Pinkie said. "When someone else carries out her ideas, they work."

"So I let her plan, and I enact," the griffon said, "I accept your reasoning."

Pinkie nodded. "I think I know what her opening is going to be. If you can beat that, you'll have the advantage." Pinkie bowed her head. "Who are going to be the judges? If this is going to work, they have to be the right people."

"I have a few in mind," he said, "Would you like to help recruit them?"

Pinkie nodded solemnly. "Celestia understands all of this, doesn't she?"

"Does a parent understand a child testing her wings for the first time?" he asked.

"Not always," Pinkie replied. "You might actually tell her, all your plans. It will mean she understands, and might just throw her off a little."

"Wise, it will certainly be a shock that one so steeped in double-dealing is so forthright. She may be completely stunned."

Pinkie nodded again and hid her grin. "Who gets to face the winner?"

"You have a challenge in mind?" the griffon asked.

"Yes," she said and grinned.

Celestia walked down the corridor with a trepidation she couldn't fully understand. I'm ruler of Equestria, he's never denied me entrance, why do I feel like a suppliant who could be kicked in the teeth by a callous ruler? she wondered as she walked down the stairs to the door set midway through the corridor. She glanced at the door at the bottom of the stairs and again dismissed it as something that could be left for later. What's he going to do? Break in here? she thought and then laughed, He'd probably consider it impolite. She briefly considered the door again, and then again dismissed it as a needless complication.

She opened the door that led to another corridor. One way was Ponyville, the other was the one place in Equestria she honestly feared. My logic and all my experience fail when I try to welcome him into my world. My softest strokes turn and flay him like knifes in a wind storm. Why am I safe in his? she asked herself. It makes no sense. I actually cried for Discord. He saw something that wasn't even related to the Big Guy, and it frightened him to his core. But even he could come to me for comfort and protection. Why everyone, but the visitor from another world? Why can everyone else touch his life without turning it to ashes?

The Apples let her in the front door. Their makeshift bedroom was two of the living room couches pulled together. They bowed, another frustration that had begun to rankle Celestia lately.

I can't have friends, only servants, she thought, My sister is a friend, but she has her daughter to occupy her time as well as her royal duties. I guess I'm tired of being alone again. And while he fears me, he's the only one who doesn't worship me.

"How is he?" she asked.

"The same. Trixie left a little while ago, so," Jonathan caught himself from treating her as any other pony.

"Thank you," she said and walked towards the closet where he'd been keeping himself. She passed Lyra and Bonbon, tangled in the sheets and each others' embrace. The office where so many mysteries were held, and then finally the master bedroom.

She stepped over the gently snorting griffon.

I guess sleeping on a padded floor keeps them from snoring, she thought as she noted the ponypile in the middle of the bed. A twinge of envy at Celly cuddled with Woona, but Celestia walked silently on. 'Hotaru' was awake, and stared at her, yet made no sound, nor warned/woke the others.

Celestia walked by and stuck her head in the closet. As if sensing her, he woke suddenly and retreated into the corner, staring at her in terror.

Dinky was also instantly awake. "It's all right," the little filly soothed, but her expression told Celestia her heart was breaking.

This should be so simple, Celestia thought, then it hit her, That's the problem. I've been assuming that 'Princess Celestia' could accomplish such things. She looked at the pile of ponies sleeping together in his bed. But it was anypony who did it. Anyone who truly cared. But it wasn't enough to simply be, they had to do. I've been assuming that he knew, like all my ponies did, that I cared about them. But he 'knew' I only cared about my ponies.

She lay down just inside the door. The closet crowded by the three people in it. His panic seemed to be less focused on her, and more general, as if he'd woken from a nightmare and was slowly beginning to understand he was awake. That he had escaped from whatever had so frightened him. As he began responding to Dinky's quiet entreaties, Celesta gathered them both in.

Odd, the little one is more taken with her 'daddy's' ailment and health than with the Princess. Maybe that's what draws me, that I have to work, to earn, to actually have someone and something that isn't mine by right. she felt the trembling filly against her body, and the alien who was now trying to comfort his comforter. Have I gone so far that actually having to work at something is such an intoxicating idea? That someone wouldn't instantly love 'Princess Celestia'. I wonder if that's what has Luna so confused, and Celly so twisted in knots. To have to prove I'm worthy of what I've been simply given for so long. Can I be loved because I am lovable, or am I loved because I am some dream that others have and can fit me into? she wanted to asked.

As Dinky faded off into a fretful sleep, he also relaxed, encompassed and reassured by her wing. Soft yet strong. He glanced at Celesta for a moment. She nodded, and he lay against her, Dinky still in his arms. He slowly descended into sleep. Celestia let herself relax, and dream.

What would it be like, to be so alien? she thought, To have only the friends who truly loved you, rather than those who sought advantage and prestige. And to have them be willing to scold you, when you had done wrong, or hurt someone? Celestia smiled. And what is your dream? To go somewhere where you knew you were safe for a while, so you could recover? Or is there more to you than even Discord suspects?

Celestia knew she was safe, even here, even around him. She let the warmth of the two bodies and their quiet breathing lull her into a doze as she lowered her head and relaxed.

Day 44

Morning came, and a need to be up and around. The alicorn muzzily stared at the frazzled mane and tail, and felt that both expressed their relationship with the universe eloquently. The brush and comb, his brush and comb, hovered in the air in a nimbus of magic. The Imperial White alicorn grimaced at that, and with trepidation brought them forward to gingerly brush out the mane. The tail would wait. As the two implements moved smoothly through the long hair, the alicorn relaxed and took on a sardonic air. After a few strokes that managed to assert some order over the wild hair, the sight of the human cuddled with the filly drew attention.

Which is cuddling which? was the immediate reaction.

The royal hoof touched the human's mouth, bringing consciousness more peaceably than it had for the alicorn, as the intruding limb was pushed away. Then the realization dawned and full wakefulness followed.

Don't scream. But the human caught sight of the filly and silently checked for fingers and toes, then stepped up to the mirror and looked deeply into it. The human's expression of stunned amazement, followed by pointing a finger from human to alicorn and back.

The alicorn shrugged. The human tried to dash past, and was blocked by the alicorn's wing.

"What would you do?" came a question from the alicorn.

The utter incomprehension, then the dawning realization came. Then a cunning look, and a beckoning gesture.

"What would you do?" the alicorn repeated.

The human snapped fingers in the alicorn's face, then stared at the hand in amazement. The whispered explanation was pure gibberish. The human's hands covered the mouth, and the eyes widened.

The alicorn nodded. Then took mercy on the frantic counterpart. The brush and comb, along with several other items lifted and went through a short aerial dance. The human touched one covered by a nimbus of magic. He seemed shocked that all that was accomplished was changing its trajectory through the dance, and it soon righted itself.

The human collapsed and began quietly sobbing. The alicorn knelt and gathered the disoriented creature to her. The human hugged her tightly and was soon joined by Dinky and Hotaru, offering encouragements and reassurances.

Luna was walking with Selene when they spotted Celestia leaving her chambers. "Everything all right?" the Lunar Diarch asked, "I thought you'd planned to return in time to raise the sun."

"There were complications," Celestia said.

She seemed a tad colder that she usually was. "Some revelation that I should know about?" Luna teased, "Some dark and hidden knowledge that I should be a party to."

That Selene picked that moment to start laughing uproariously, told Luna she had missed something vitally important.

"You could say that," Celestia said and gestured with a wing back to their quarters. "Something you very much need to know." She scowled at Selene. "And you too ya little imp."

Her daughter ignored the royal pique and continued to giggle as she walked between her mother and aunt.

"If this is a prank you two have worked out . . ." Luna left the threat unspoken. But now both Celestia and Selene were laughing.

Celestia had Discord pinned against a wall and looked ready to drive her horn straight through him. "PUT US BACK!" she thundered and dimpled his hide ever so slightly to remind him how thin his margin of safety was.

"Celestia," Discord said carefully, "Much as I'd like to take credit for this, and therefore be able to reverse it, without the Alicorn Amulet boosting my powers, I'm effectively helpless. A voice in the wind as it were."

"Then who?" Celestia said as she backed up a step, "Who would do such a thing?"

"My dear Celestia, there's only one prankster in Equestria with the power and desire to carry this out," Discord said as he rubbed the spot where her horn had nearly gone through him.

"What is he, you mean me?!" Celestia shouted aghast.

"What? 'To have only the friends who truly love you, rather than those who seek advantage and prestige.' And, 'To go somewhere where you know you are safe for a while, so you can recover?' Don't tell me you didn't see this as the perfect chance. He will be acting very randomly, even for him. And you are in the middle of delicate battles on a dozen fronts. You just wanted to throw it all away. Well, you did." Discord started snickering.

"I would never steal someone's life!" Celestia said.

"You didn't 'steal', you traded. He gets your long-practiced stability and tranquility while he rebuilds his damaged sanity, and you get to go completely Librarian poo. To suffer the things you put aside because your ponies needed you to be strong. On this side, you'll feel things more strongly than you did as a pony. And nopony will think it unusual if you suddenly burst into tears, or hug one of your friends. Or both." Discord spun, releasing chocolate-covered pancakes in all directions. "Total chaos, and everypony will see it as completely normal. Imagine that!"

"I have to get back," Celestia said.

"Do you think Luna wanted to find her other sisters dead?" Discord asked, "Or that your daughter died of the frost the warring tribes brought with them."

"They didn't mean to," Celestia said desperately, "They didn't understand what they were doing."

"But how did you feel?" Discord asked in earnest tones, "Knowing you were powerless. And that such a hurt was delivered with no malice towards you?"

Celly heard the scream of pain and rage, and rushed to the bathroom where the Big Guy lay sprawled on the floor, shrieking and screaming by turns. Hotaru had trapped his hands, to keep him from injuring himself in his thrashing. Celly dragged him out into the bedroom with Hotaru's help. There the two of them wrapped him in sheets and blankets, half padding and half straitjacket. The two crowded in against him, reassuring and restraining.

"It's all right, it's all right," Celly told the mad thing in her friend's skin.

The cries devolved into sobs. Celly and Hotaru cuddled up against him.

"This is insane!" Luna insisted, and tried to ignore Selene, lying hooves up on Celestia's bed, laughing wildly.

"Any more insane than me being on your world in the first place," the Big Guy said, "Or is it just me being in your sister's body while she's in mine that was the tipping point? I stopped trying to make sense of this place with the color scheme. The fact you could fly with those tiny wings, or do magic was just icing on the cake." He looked around. "And Discord wonders why I think I'm dead. One day, an old man who became an adult on the beach at Dieppe is looking in the mirror at himself as late thirties, early forties, then the next day, he sees a female horned pegasus."

"Alicorn!" Selene managed between laughing.

"Alicorn?" he asked, "Your entire species is named after your horn? And people think I'm weird. Although some feminists do that with gender, and to a similar part."

"We have to get you back to Ponyville, and restore my sister," Luna said and stood before the door to Celestia's quarters.

"Excuse me, who do you think did this in the first place?" he asked.

Luna slowly turned to stare at him.

"I've got no magic, Hotaru is too cowed to try this, and it's beyond her imagination anyway. Discord doesn't have the power reserves, and if Twilight did it, she'd either be pestering everybody about a solution, or hung herself from a lamp post by now. That leaves you, and her as culprits."

"You think I might have had a hoof in this?" Luna asked.

"You or your sister," he replied. "Well, I think it's time to greet the Royal Court, don't you?" He approached the door.

"You can't go out like that!" Luna said.

"Oh?" He looked himself over, then changed. "Is this more what you'd like in your sister's bedroom?" the steel gray and blue-maned, male alicorn asked Luna. He reached over and closed her mouth. "Catching flies little one. I'm sure Cadence can foalsit for you, and I can help you reach those high notes," he whispered.

He transformed back into Celestia and walked out past her. "Quick study," he called over his shoulder. Then to the soldiers who fell in with 'her', "I think I'm going to need the highest-ranked members of the civil service, and all the nobles in Canterlot. A very important meeting about an hour before lunch. If the nobles can't attend, those who can will shape the plan."

The guard saluted and peeled off to carry out the order. Luna cantered up with Selene on her back.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?" Luna asked, "Maybe you should go back to your room and lie down."

The white alicorn rubbed her cheek against Luna, causing her to blush. "My fever's much lower than yours. Perhaps I've been working you too hard. Maybe you should take a day off and spend with your daughter. Mustn't over do it. I'm sure a few hours rest will do you a world of good."

Luna opened her mouth to protest, then saw her 'sister's' expression. She shut it and said, "I think I'll stay with you and keep an eye on you."

"You're such a worry wart," 'Celestia' replied.

The tone and posture were exactly the one the real Celestia would have used. Affectionate, but amused.

Luna sighed and considered her alternative and what she could do.

Celestia hung in the air like a broken puppet. Discord conjured a circle labeled 'Celestia Wash' and slowly threaded her through it. Tom arranged the soft quilts like a nest for an alicorn. Soft sheets and a warm blanket waited to complete the ensemble.

She finished passing through the circle, and it vanished behind her. Celestia swirled it around, then added the used mouthwash to the half-full bucket of sick she'd disgorged several minutes earlier.

"I hate you," she told Discord as she bonelessly settled onto the quilts and accepted Tom tucking her in without comment.

"Of course you hate me. I'm hurting you, quite intentionally," he said. But the almost sympathetic tone confused Celestia.

"Why?" she managed. "Why make me remember all that? Why torture me like this?"

"Because the scars you assume are gone to dust are still infected and need treatment. They need to be lanced and drawn out into the sun, or you'll become like that thing." His hatred of the 'Celestia' he'd confronted, and destroyed, was plain. "All she was were scars. A mass like a tumor. And like a tumor, damaging all the healthy tissue around her. You wondered why every time you try and do something nice for him, in the areas you control, it turns into a disaster? Because you haven't dealt with your own problems and his presence brings them up. Your ponies may not consciously sense your unease, but they are affected by it."

"And they react to it," Celestia realized. She buried her face in the blankets.

He laid a gentle paw on her head. "You wanted to understand him. To help him somehow. You did, and yourself. Here, with his entire emotional equilibrium out of whack, you can feel: anger, fear, sorrow, more deeply than a pony ever could. He, on the other hand, gets your long ingrained serenity. Lets him put things in some order without his own endocrine system tearing him to pieces. A rare and wonderful gift. Plus, I think your ponies in Canterlot need a bit of this 'Life-Affirming Chaos' he keeps preaching about. Might do them a world of good at being the object of ridicule that only one pony knows is ridicule."

Celestia raised her head. "You're right. I need to go set this right." She glared at him. "Nothing I do with him around spins the way it should."

"Unless you do it in his house," Discord replied, "Oh, did you ever find out what happened to Grey Goose? Your extremely close friend back in the Alicorn village, who went off to investigate the Three Tribes' War? I understand nopony ever saw him again. But I wasn't interested in history back then, at least no history that wasn't my own. With the tempers and accusations flaring and flying, I can just imagine what any of the tribes would have done with a being who seemed to embody all the traits of all three tribes. They weren't polite to spies, traitors, or other inconvenient ponies." He heard Celestia sniffle a bit, and he watched her curl up into a ball in the soft, warm space he and Tom had created.

"It's all right, let it out," he said barely above a whisper, "It's been upsetting you for a long, long time."

Luna mingled among the nobles. Their aside comments made it clear they were not happy about being 'summoned' by the Princess. I should tell them she's not well, that she's not herself, she thought as she tried to find Cadence, Shining Armor, Emerald Light, Feather Stockings or Eagle Bell in the mix to tell them discretely.

"Welcome my little ponies," faux-Celestia said, then coughed, "I apologize for the summons, I'm not feeling well and thought I should share this idea before I return to my chambers. None of you will have to decide anything. It was just such a wonderful idea, I just had to share."

Luna stopped. Well, outmaneuvered on that one. Mother's Mercy! I never got out of her/him, them, whatever, what the idea was! she thought and began heading for the dias.

"I have decided that a power-sharing arrangement is long overdue," faux-Celestia announced.

The mood of the nobles brightened immensely. Luna accelerated to a trot before the other shoe fell.

"All of you are so helpful, offering ideas about how Equestria should best be run. There is new information about forms of government. One is a parliament. In this case, each noble house will send one representative. They will be able to hear complaints from their individual constituencies, come up with plans of action to change the laws or write new ones to enact new ones. I will have the right to veto them, but a 3/4th's majority of the parliament could overrule that."

Luna was galloping up the steps as she heard the agreement and even glee of the nobles at finally wresting government out of the hands of the Diarchy. "Sister!" Luna gasped.

"And since the ideas would come from your representatives, your house names would be prominent on each and every new law. Especially the ones where you overruled my veto."

Luna and conversation came to a dead halt throughout the hall. The nobles were exchanging looks of absolute dread as the realization set in, that they might actually be held personally accountable for their decisions and actions.

Blueblood's mother, Blue Moon, piped up, "What if so many of us participated? Surely that would force it to simply say 'the parliament'."

There were relieved smiles and nods from the assembled nobles.

"The credit must extend to all the houses who had a part in the proposal. To that end, all the votes for passage of such an act will also be public. Everyone will get full credit exactly as they deserve." Faux-Celestia's benevolent grin was as radiant as the sun. It cast its rays down on a field choked with icy hearts gripped in mute terror. While faux-Celestia had not said the dreaded 'R-word' out loud, she had implied it with the force of a charging Ursa Major, responsibility. Ponies would know who proposed what, and who supported it. Ponies could choose not to do business with them based on their actions. No more would they be able to badger Celestia into some scheme and hide within her mane and tail to avoid the repercussions.

"Oh," Celestia said as she senses their mood, "I'd still be allowed to propose legislation, but you'd still have to vote on it." She smiled again at the terrorized throng.

It was all Luna could do not to burst out laughing as she stepped up to stand beside faux-Celestia and add her smile and 'blessing' to the endeavor. "A cake against a doughnut they pin this on you, the inside you," Luna whispered.

"No bet," faux-Celestia replied and kept her benevolent and achingly hopeful grin aimed at the nobles.

The nobles circled, crowded, caucused so frantically it looked like a Hoofball scrum. Finally, they shoved one, low-pecking-order noble out to convey their decision, and risk the Solar wrath.

"Highness, this wasn't perhaps the idea of the Ponyville Monster, was it?" the noble asked, glancing back at the higher-ranked with venom at being forced to gainsay her Highness.

Faux-Celestia put a hoof to chin to consider. "Well, I amended it, to better fit Equestrian society. The version he had put a 'House of Commons', that is, a set of representatives elected by everypony in a certain region. They and I would have sole power to propose legislation. All you, my loyal ponies could do is debate the merits and say 'yay' or 'nay'. I though that was atrociously harsh to cast you all aside after generations of loyal service." She stopped and considered. "He did seem to think that the entire idea of a parliament was inappropriate for Equestria. That's why I brought it up to all of you." Now faux-Celestia looked utterly crestfallen. "I had so hoped you would like it."

The spokespony, clever politician that he was, saw the escape hatch and dove through it with titanic force. "I think you should accede to his alien wisdom in this, your Highness. As our communication with him improves, I'm certain he can steer us onto the proper course to make your marvelous idea the toast of everypony and another triumph for the Diarchy. But this day is not that day. We need to cogitate, to adjust the idea and make it palatable to ponies everywhere. Once it is known, and the true and correct details are put before the populace, then we can bring them to the idea. Now, it would look like we forced it upon you, and it might even meet resistance."

"You can't believe that," faux-Celestia gasped, "Ponies might not accept it? Might blame the nobles and treat it as an insurrection?"

The nobles hadn't considered the last, and were positively terrified of the possibilities.

"We must guard against that," the spokespony managed, still looking like someone had shoved a red-hot poker somewhere sensitive and was twisting it. "Your Majesty."

"I thank you." Celestia nodded to the nobles. "I shouldn't keep you any longer."

The dash for the door was far too elegant to call a stampede, and many in the retreating throng were too elderly for more than a trot. But the room was emptying faster than if a dragon had arrived with a drum of pony seasoning for barbeque.

"I think I understand why Discord wants your children," Luna said as the last of the nobles escaped. "They won't ever bring that up again, and Celestia can trot it out any time their demands get too great."

"Welcome to politics, kiddo," faux-Celestia said, "If you've got clout and a plan, use'em."

I'm having serious second thoughts about this, Discord thought as he looked up as Celestia's grinning face. Her eyes were huge, but her pupils had shrunk to pinpoints. She had him pinned to the ground as she crooned to him in a way that changed his dearest dream, into his darkest nightmare.

"Foals," she said, as her wings stroked him in a clearly seductive manner. The intensity of the mad gaze undid whatever charm she might have had. "My little filly, you're a god, a god of chaos." She nuzzled him very tenderly, which heightened his fears for his very survival. "Opposing the natural order, it's what you do. It's such a little thing," she said, the rictus was her attempt at a charming grin. "And I'd be so grateful."

Discord shivered at that, and marshaled his courage. "Celestia," he said with the utmost care, "I can't restore the dead. That's the reason I never killed a pony before. I never wanted to do something I couldn't undo."

"But." She sounded like a confused school filly. "But you're a god, a god of chaos. Isn't it chaotic enough? Isn't it crazy enough? It would shock the entire pony population, stun all of Equestria. I can give you what you've always wanted in return."

I never thought the hurt the Big Guy felt over losing his first child would resonate like this with Celestia, Discord thought as he sought an answer that wouldn't result on in one or the other being torn to pieces.

"Even if I did that, you are different, the world is different. There's no guarantee the newborn would be the same." He decided to tell the truth. "You're reacting this way, because the Big Guy too lost his first child, a miscarriage during the late second trimester. Your despairs are feeding on each other."

Celestia batted him playfully, but the madness of her expression hadn't changed. "Discord, Discord," she said, "You can do so much more than you think you can. It's only one little filly. My foal. Isn't that worth what I'm offering?"

"All right, when you switch back, you and I can go to Tartarus -"

"MY FOAL IS NOT IN TARTARUS!" Celestia thundered and shook Discord violently. All the seductive playfulness was gone. The mad fury of a mother separated from her child remained.

"Then if she's not," Discord said, "Do you really want to tear her out of there to return her to your side?" The tone was gentle and faintly chiding. Discord waited, disgusted with himself as he watched that idea worm its way into Celestia's thoughts.

I may as well have stabbed her, she's reacting like I'm slipping a knife into heart a finger width at a time, he thought as Celestia stepped off him shivering and shuddering as if her pain and helplessness grew and could do nothing about it.

"No," Celestia said as she tumbled and fell, "No." Rather than rise, she struck her forehoof on the ground. "No. No. No!" She began beating her rear hooves and wings against the ground.

Discord leapt forward and caught her before her head slammed into the ground.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Celestia screamed as she stomped and bashed the ground around her while Discord cushioned her head as she raised and lowered that too.

Not one of my better ideas, he thought ruefully.

Luna stared in horrified fascination as the faux-Celestia sat on the throne, and managed to dispense Celestia-like wisdom, with Celestia-like patience. And a very Celestia-like sense of humor, Luna thought as she watched yet another set of petitioners squawk and flutter at each other like a pair of chickens, while Celestia pulled the kernel of the argument from their biased testimony.

"It's very simple," faux-Celestia told to two feuding teams. "Mr. Pomegranate, you will decide where the border is for the land division."

One side looked utterly crestfallen at the triumphant look on the others' faces.

"And Mrs. Apricot, you will decide which of the two halves you want," faux-Celestia added. And who was grinning and who was frowning instantly reversed. "I'm so glad I could help," faux-Celestia said, the chamberlain took the hint and ushered the two factions out of the throne room.

Luna looked around and vaguely wondered, Where are all the nobles and their petty complaints that clog Celestia's time? Then it hit her. Oh, if they complain about those trivialities, she'll just bring up the parliament idea. She, er he's brilliant, I'm a little slow.

Faux-Celestia walking down the steps to the throne caught Luna's attention.

"Well, there seems only one way to solve that," faux-Celestia said and walked to an empty table. The interloper alicorn sat behind the table and put a forehoof on it. "We'll hoofwrestle, and the winner of 'Strongest Stallion in Dodge Junction', will be the one who takes the longest to lose."

The two stallions looked at each other in abject horror. The braver, or quicker thinking of the pair bowed. "We wouldn't want to trouble her majesty any more, we thought a spell or something would answer the question." They started backing away.

"Oh guards," Celestia said, "Bring them over here." She grinned.

The guards just rolled their eyes. They could tell when her Highness was in a mood, today was going to go down in the unwritten annals of history. Passed from sergeant to sergeant as wisdom and cautions in handling the Solar Diarch.

The two terrified stallions arrived at the table. The gamest put his hoof up. Sir Eagle Bell had a watch and put his hoof on the clenched hooves.

"Go."

Clunk.

"Point eight," the chief bureaucrat said, "Are you feeling all right highness? Perhaps a break for lunch."

"After," faux-Celestia said and raised her forehoof for the next 'Strongest Stallion in Dodge Junction'.

"Go."

Clunk.

"Point six," the chief bureaucrat said, "I think we have a winner. Congratulations on a splendid display of physical prowess. Although most of the guard manages to last at least a second."

The stunned pair looked aghast as they were allowed to leave. They passed two ponies arguing about a cat.

"I'm not going to suggest they cut the cat in half," Faux-Celestia muttered as she headed towards the throne.

"Court is in recess," the chamberlain announced and the guards cleared the hall, while the royal cooks brought in literally tables filled with fine victuals.

Luna froze as she realized the entire game could be up in a moment.

"All right everyone, there's too much for me. Go ahead and dig in," faux-Celestia said and waved the guards over.

Luna sighed.

"What's got you so worried?" faux-Celestia whispered to Luna.

"I realized you'd never seen the custom, and it's not one she'd brief you on," Luna whispered back.

"Oh, she does that, good for her," faux-Celestia collected a plate and levitated it to collect a few dainties. She would share, but she certainly wouldn't wait in line.

Luna felt like fainting that the close escape had been pure happenstance.

"Sister, you seem tired come eat something, then maybe get a nap," faux-Celestia said.

I'm going to kill him, Luna thought as she trotted over, As soon as he's back in his own body, I'm gonna kill him.

She trotted over and selected a plate, and followed Celestia's habit of avoiding the line.

"Oh, everyone, I thought it would come out before now, but I'm not really Celestia. I'm the Big Guy, the Ponyville Monster, we switched minds."

Luna nearly dropped her plate and stared at faux-Celestia.

Feather Stockings and Eagle Belle exchanged looks, and frowns. "Sergeant," Belle addressed Mile Stone who was shaking his head. "Would you accompany us."

The gruff, no-nonsense sergeant handed his half-full plate to a corporal and followed the other two. Feather Stocking had taken a small chafing dish full of drawn butter with him as the trio approached. "Your tiara, please," Feather Stockings said.

Luna watched as faux-Celestia handed over the symbol of her office and knelt before them.

Sir Eagle Belle stood tall and spoke in a clear voice, "Do you solemnly swear to uphold the traditions and customs of Equestria, of the Unicorns, the Pegasi and the Earth Ponies, to the best of your abilities, save where necessity would contraindicate? And in those cases will you strive to preserve and defend Equestria and our true spirit with all your heart, soul and mind?"

"I shall," faux-Celestia intoned and bowed low.

Feather Stocking poured a generous spoonful of butter at the base of faux-Celestia's horn. "Then with this, the most sanctified oil, in the room, accept now the blessings and strength of all the ponies who have gone before and take up the burden of the dreams and fates of all the ponies here and yet to come."

"I shall," faux-Celestia said and rose, only bowing again to accept the tiara and Mile Stone wiping the excess butter off her face and muzzle.

"You are now vested with the full rights and responsibilities, the duties and the privileges of the Diarchy Solar for Equestria, General of Her Armies, Admiral of Her Navies, Conservator of Her Roads, Bridges, Forests and Towns, Inspector General of Her Exchequer, Postmaster General, and Keeper of the Keys," Feather Stocking and Sir Eagle Belle told faux-Celestia contrapuntally.

"My first Royal order is back to lunch," faux-Celestia said.

"Always good to start with an order everyone will follow," Mile Stone said as he returned to the table.

"Every pony here is crazy," Luna said, "Didn't you hear what she said?"

"If it were true, why haven't you and Cadence thrown her in chains?" Eagle Belle said, then whispered, "She's been in these moods before, when she thought she didn't have the right to rule after some decision or disaster. I hope you don't think we memorized that for the Hearths Warming Eve pageant."

Luna just blinked and stared. Faux-Celestia just shrugged at her and collected her plate of goodies.

Outside, Celestia was wrapped in a blanket and then in Celly and Woona. Inside, it was a quilt, with Discord holding her gently. Celestia felt empty, as if all the rage and fury she'd ever felt in her life had flowed through and out of her.

How does he stay sane, feeling like that? Celestia wondered inwardly.

She spoke aloud, and thought the words to Discord, "I apologize, that couldn't have been easy."

"It's all right Big Guy," Celly said.

"It was the purpose of the thing," Discord replied, "I apologize for not thinking how much it would hurt."

"Celly, have you ever thought about your daughter?" Celestia asked and heard her counterpart gasp.

"No, not for a long time. It hurts too much," Celly said, "How do you know about that?"

"When Celestia was in my mind, poking around without caring how I felt about it. I went poking around hers and found a strongbox as it were. Once I'd opened it, she learned to quit poking around in my head without more caution and a good deal more respect."

"I can imagine. It's one of my worst memories. I never told the ponies. Luna never told them. We lost so many. And we never told them. Please, don't you tell them," Celly said.

"I lost my own daughter," Celestia said, remembering what Discord had said while the madness had a solid grip on her. "About two months away from the birth, so you can imagine all the preparations. Then . . . "

Celly hugged the human form that housed Celestia. "I'm sorry. I've been through it myself, and I'm sorry you went through it too. Saying 'you can have more' only shows the ignorance of those who say it. It always hurts, doesn't it?"

Why? she thought, directing the thought at Discord.

"You keep ignoring hurts like that, they'll eventually overwhelm you. Probably at the worst possible time. I did not expect the feedback to magnify it to such a degree. I thought you'd exchanged minds, you only took your cognitive functions and copied your memories. The instincts remained where they were. So he can fly and do magic, and you'll react to his deepest, most ground-in experiences," Discord said.

So I could fight like he can, Celestia said and mentally raised her head in the shared mind, That might be something worth trying. Before Discord could respond she was overwhelmed by vertigo.

"Just rest for a bit," Discord told her. "You don't have to protect your ponies from everything. You have guards and the Elements to help you."

Inwardly, Celestia growled at that.

Luna caught up with faux-Celestia after high tea. "Are you going to lower the sun?" she asked.

"I'm comfortable doing little things in a Zen trance, but that's too complicated to just let happen. Besides I want to check up on something," faux-Celestia said and flared her wings, "I should be able to get there and back in a few hours."

"I'll call for the Royal Chariot," Luna said eagerly.

"To heck with that, I don't have time for those slowpokes, and no escort either. I don't want to spent time lollygagging," faux-Celestia said.

"The Wonderbolts are the best, fastest fliers in Equestria," Luna replied.

"Their best, can be only third," the Big Guy inside her sister said, "Somebody had to start the legend about the sonic rainboom, and I bet it wasn't Discord or Nistag."

Luna sat back on her haunches. Then she scrambled to stand and confront the intruder. "She has her dignity to maintain. Racing around like a filly is not what I will permit."

"What you'll permit?" faux-Celestia said. The tone was like ice. "I have had just about enough from you ponies, and especially you nobles, who have been treating me as a toy for your amusement. I'm speaking," he said to cut off her reply, "You're no better than the rest of that pack of idiots I dealt with at the meeting. You just think you're better because you've cast a wider net, but you're still dismissive, condescending and outright brutal to anything outside your purview. You think I like the fact that your sister just walked into my home and swapped bodies with me? Even Discord would ask permission before pulling a stunt like that. But you and your sister have the justification of 'it's for the good of the ponies'. I have a good mind to fly to the sun and let you work out the consequences for a few centuries."

"Discord keeps wondering why I think I'm in Hell. It's simple, I'm surrounded by arrogant children who can't control themselves, and then think they have the right to control everybody else. You are no different than Blue Moon and her pack of grabby sycophants, what you want, what you require. What you did, you did to yourself. No one else, and Nightmare didn't add anything that wasn't already there to begin with. You have the foal you always wanted, and suddenly I see neither hide nor hair of you. Not even a 'thank you'. That's you at the core. How is that different from Blue Moon or Princess Buttercup, or any of the other thousand greedy, grabby, little creatures worming around Canterlot with smiles on their faces, their noses in the air and their hands out to the royal treasury? You got what you want, and Nightmare take the hindmost. If you think one little flight is going to damage your sister's precious little image, then it really wasn't much to have in the first place."

Luna felt her ears pressed back against her skull. Not from the volume, which was barely above a whisper, but from the venom in the tone. "I apologize," she said.

"Don't apologize," faux-Celestia said, not changing her tone, "Grow up. Your kingdom doesn't need children who think they're acting like adults. They need real adults. Look to Emerald Light, Eagle Belle, Cadence or Shining Armor, if you can't find it within yourself." With that, she leapt from the balcony, caught the air and soared.

Luna watched several pegasi guards try to intercept/escort the Solar Diarch, but she outran even the Wonderbolts, accelerating in a sweep climb until she had vanished from even Luna's sight.

The Big Guy sat at the fountain in Ponyville and watched the fillies and colts playing. Within, Celestia still felt exhausted and empty, the anguish hidden a thousand years had scoured away any emotion like a volcano would scour away a forest.

The laughter she understood, but unless they faced her and she could read their lips, the words were lost to her. But I still sense their joy, she thought as she watched, aware of Hotaru nee Nightmare as her guard dog, and more distant, Celly watched with a wistful expression similar to Celestia's own. She'd purchased a cup of tea from a shop and sat down to watch the children play. She'd eavesdropped on a few comments, reading the lips of those who thought she didn't understand.

I am disappointed, she thought quietly, not caring if Discord heard, Is this what Equestria has become? Not orderly, but regimented and xenophobic? Not welcoming, unless you are the right type? I can't believe that.

"He is a more polarizing figure than say a griffon or a minotaur," Discord offered, "Ponies don't know what to make of him, or the strong impulses he engenders. Bonbon has secret fantasies about him chasing her over the landscape. Fluttershy thinks he's a bear with papa wolf tendencies. Oh good, the delight of your shared existence," Discord said with a voice dripping with disdain, "I'm going to my room and play something very loud. Enjoy Twilight Spackle and her death of a thousand note cards."

Celestia turned her head and saw Twilight practically galloping over. Hotaru tensed, then looked at Celestia/the Big Guy and with an utterly malevolent smile, lay back down to watch.

Twilight stepped right in front, cutting off most of the view of the foals playing. Which is the main reason I'm out here, Celestia thought and politely gestured for her to move to the side.

To her distaste, Twilight looked over her shoulder at the fillies, moved barely a third of the distance to clear the field of view, and launched into a lecture about the rules of the game. Does she not understand I wanted to watch the ponies just playing? Celestia wondered in her head, That I don't care about the rules, I just wanted to watch the activity? She'd also picked out, much to her chagrin, that she was referenced and possibly the reason for Twilight's bad behavior at least three times in the explanation. Twilight, have I done this to you? That you are so desperate to lay all the answers at my hooves, that you'd ignore simple courtesy? Celestia lamented, then considered, What makes you think, even with your diagrams, that I'd understand?

It was the arrival of Rarity that saved the situation. She laughed nervously at who she thought was the Big Guy. She nearly shoved Twilight out of the Big Guy's line of sight to the foals playing. "Twilight dear," Celestia gleaned from reading Rarity's lips, "The poor boy came out here to just watch the foals playing, not really the best environment for a lecture." She spoke in a singsong fashion, to disguise her intent from someone she thought couldn't understand the words.

"But Rarity," Twilight replied.

"But Rarity nothing," Rarity continued in singsong, then patted Twilight's head, "I know that Celestia will send you back to magic kindergarten if you don't plumb all his secrets by lunch."

Twilight grimaced at that.

"But do you really think that alienating the source of those secrets is the best way to accomplish that?" Rarity asked in a more normal tone. "Pinkie Pie has taken more interest in those flight books than you or Rainbow Dash, and that was supposed to be her assignment. Or did you forget that translating was to be your job, not interrogating."

"But we already found out that the languages are extremely similar," Twilight said. Then grinned sheepishly at Celestia, thinking she was dissembling with the Big Guy.

"Twilight, don't you think that Princess Luna might have had a reason to give you the job she did," Rarity said, trying earnestly to penetrate through Twilight's combination of anxiety and need to prove herself. It was all Celestia could do not to hug both of them. To at once calm Twilight's fears, and to thank Rarity for her dogged determination to drag Twilight away from the precipice she kept charging.

Too bad neither Lulu nor I had such a friend, Celestia thought, then had the horrifying remembrance of someone who had warned them recently, repeatedly, And someone who enjoyed our suffering at ignoring his good advice, and kept giving it because we'd ignore it and trip over our own manes. She snorted her disgust at being pointedly outmaneuvered by her old antagonist.

"You didn't understand he had changed," Tom's cultured voice reminded her.

I should have seen through the trick, Celestia mentally replied, Or at least seriously considered the value of the advice despite the source.

She left Rarity and Twilight to discuss while she watched the children play.

The ticket seller noted that the normally brisk ticket sales had suddenly dropped off. "One please," came the voice and the ticket seller froze as she looked at the grinning face, "One of the boxes, if you don't mind."

The poor ticket taker could only stammer as she accepted the ticket to the Solar Diarch.

"Thank you," she said, giggled, and walked into the theater. Only then did the rest of the ponies in line get to their feet and start demanding tickets before the performance began.

The ticket seller was soon too inundated to warn the manager that she'd sent someone to the nobles' box, which given the paucity of nobles in Dodge Junction, was used as a store room.

The Big Guy used Celestia's magic to rearrange the boxes as an ersatz curtain, so he could see the stage, but no one could see 'Celestia'. I think I'll stop in and see Trixie after the performance.

The mare and her assistant he instantly recognized put on an act that simultaneously amazed, and had the audience in stitches.

She's doing well, moving away from 'anything you can do I can do better' to comedy. Although poor Blueblood will have a fit when I stop by, he smirked at that as the production progressed through several examples of Trixie's Great and Powerful magic, and Igor butchering trick, or overreacting to things, and the put-upon and aggravated Trixie had to set things right.

There was a musical interlude and some variety-show, local acts before Trixie returned with Igor for more magic. Then the comedy finale.

"Why isn't the cabinet full of water?" Trixie asked.

"Uh, I forget?" Igor said, "Oh, I do forget, I use the instant water."

"Instant water?" Trixie asked, "The stuff we picked up from Ponyville?"

"Ja," 'Igor said and dropped a crystal on the stage. "Lots of water. Instant."

"Let me guess, to turn it back into water, you just add water, right?" Trixie asked and lowered her head.

"You saying Igor was bamboozled?" 'Igor' asked, his forelegs over his heart.

"Let's find out," Trixie said and produced an eyedropper.

He watched as that one tiny drop of water descended to the crystal of instant water.

The geyser that shot straight to the ceiling had Trixie reeling back in shock. "Turn it off!" she shouted.

"I forget those instructions," Igor shouted over the noise of the geyser.

"Everypony for themselves!" Trixie shouted and ran off the stage. The audience burst out laughing as the curtain came down and the house lights came up.

The Big Guy waited until the crowd had thinned out considerably, before he used Celestia's horn magic to unblock the exit to the box. He'd heard someone trying to force the door several times during the performance, and had blocked the entrance specifically to prevent interruptions. Now he pulled the cap and old coat from his saddle bags, and grabbed a broom and began sweeping the floors, on a steady advance towards the backstage.

The stage manager had seen the trick before. "Come on, what do you take me for," the graying mare said as she approached with several, burley stage hands.

"My loyal subjects," he told them as Celestia's magic removed the cap and coat.

The group prostrated themselves, and he returned the cap and coat disguise, and continued heading towards the dressing rooms. Rather than take the stairs, he flew up to the walkway leading to the dressing rooms. A few of the performers only stared, trying to put the evidence together that Celestia was here, wearing a shabby coat and hat, but no regalia or guards.

"Impersonations," the Big Guy told them, and left them in confusion. He raised a forehoof and knocked on Trixie's door.

"Just a moment," Trixie called, but Igor opened the door and looked like he'd seen the end of the world.

"Thank you for your time," the Big Guy said as he entered, and back hoofed the door closed. He walked past Blueblood/Igor and nuzzled the stunned Trixie. "The Big Guy is recovering, and I assure you, he wants you to keep performing. But there is a gap in your schedule of two weeks in a few weeks. I would urge you to visit, if you can make it."

Trixie nodded as she stared.

The Big Guy leaned close. "Can you keep a secret?"

Trixie nodded as she stared.

"I think your assistant is secretly Blueblood in disguise," he said. As he looked at the stricken stallion, he turned back to Trixie. "Look, the insanity hasn't abated. I don't know how she did it, but Celestia and I switched places. I don't envy her if my emotions are still the way they were for me, but I'm her and she's me, so your secret is still safe. Just don't tell anyone, of course, who'd believe you if you did tell?"

"Nobody," Trixie said, and she hugged him. "I promise, I'll come in when we get our break."

"Okay," he said, "Let's raise your reputation. Is there a fancy restaurant in town?"

"There is a tavern that has pretty good food," 'Igor' said, "But the clientele is rather rough."

"Celestia Most Solar Sublime in a bar-clearing brawl. After everything she's done to me, she deserves it," the Big Guy said.

"Ah, you'll be in her body getting pummeled," Blueblood said.

"If you think I can't defend myself from ponies, when Celestia isn't there to fry me alive for doing it, you've got another think coming."

A lone pony trudged towards the lights of town. Staying away from the few pools of light that offered shelter along the road, the pony advanced. Head down, one hoof in front of the other. Step-by-step, the pony walked under the starlit sky, finally entering the town. The pony advanced slowly towards the mayor's office. The few lights still burning at this hour showed her careworn, and travel-stained, but she continued her advance.

"I'm the meanest, toughest critter in these parts!" the rough stallion announced to the patrons, "I eat rattlesnakes and crap diamonds. Ain't no varmint can take me! I am the fightin'est pony in these parts, no pony in this town, no pony in this territory can lick me!"

The piano player had stopped and everyone was staring at the braggart.

SLURP! The very wet tongue pushed the stallion's hat over his eyes.

"No varmint gets away with that!" he shouted as he wound up a haymaker and whirled to face, Celestia. The pathetic little squeaks made the stallion seem even younger.

Celestia stood, her face screwed up in deep thought. "Well, if Yosemite Sam here says I'm no pony, who am I to argue?" she asked and grinned.

The tough guy seemed to remember his raised forehoof, which he dropped to the floor. Then the rest of him, which followed. "Yeber soober meeseebeedee," he managed.

Celestia patted the fallen stallion and stepped over him on her way to the bar. The pair of unicorns following had as stunned an expression as the rest of the patrons. Except they could still move. They were soon flanking Celestia at the counter.

"They have lasagna!" Celestia gasped in delight, "Three of the extra large." She turned to her two companions. "What'll you have?"

Trixie rolled her eyes, and 'Igor' just closed his. "A large salad with rhubarb dressing," Trixie said.

"Oatmeal," Igor said then waved a hoof in front of the bartender. Then Igor grabbed the mare's neck tie. "Do you know who that is?" Igor asked.

"Uh, huh," the mare answered.

"Then why aren't you getting her lasagna?" Igor asked and released the tie before the bartender strangled herself running for the kitchen. The trio approached a booth filled with some of the roughest characters Trixie had ever seen.

"I'll fight you for the booth," Celestia whispered in a husky voice. "That is the proper etiquette here isn't it?" she asked in innocent tones, and gave the group at a pool table a puppy dog eyes look when nopony answered her question.

When she turned back, the booth was not only empty, it was sparkling clean.

"Such nice ponies here," Celestia said.

I wonder what the weather in Tartarus is like this time of year, Trixie wondered as she took her seat. Nearly every patron was frozen in place and staring with saucer-sized eyes. The exceptions were those blinking, rubbing their eyes, or cleaning their glasses, only to resume staring like the others.

The appearance of the hornless unicorn through the swinging doors brought all mirth to an end.

"Princess Buttercup?" Trixie gasped.

The hornless unicorn looked up and smiled. "It didn't work," she said, "They caught all of us." The noble pony then collapsed as she broke down sobbing.

31) From the Ancient Greek Meaning Lead

Cultural Artifacts - From the Ancient Greek Meaning Lead
Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 53

"Applejack, how could you?" Twilight whimpered as her last pieces were removed from the board.

"I said I would do what's best fer ya," Applejack said.

"I never pinkie promised," Pinkie Pie added when Twilight looked at her. "Well, Miss Applejack."

"Yes, Pinkamena Diane Pie?" Applejack replied.

"Draw?" Pinkie asked as she spat on her hoof and offered it.

"Draw," Applejack said and spat on her own hoof and shook Pinkie's. She looked at the Sand Cobra and Zecora. "Unless there's any objections?"

Zecora and the griffon looked at their few, isolated islands amid a sea of Pinkie and Applejack's holdings and armies. "None," they said.

"I'll transmit a letter to the High Command," Sunrise said as he fluffed his feathers, "Ponyville is no longer on the invasion route."

"Agreed," Mystery said, "How did either of you two know?"

"I've had to negotiate against Applejack to buy supplies for the Cakes," Pinkie explained, "Even as my friend, she was tough."

"This was fun, gettin' ta go all out. Instead of havin' to remember that we needed the customer to stay happy," Applejack said and stretched, "I might even like ta play the Big Guy and Discord."

"Is dropping extra pieces on the board legal?" Fluttershy asked.

"Until ya get caught," Applejack said, "Right here in the rules."

Fluttershy nodded. "That was fun. I wonder if we could make a version of the game for Equestria."

"Fun?" Twilight said. "We watched Applejack and Pinkie Pie ruthlessly annihilate everypony else on the board, and you call it fun?"

Fluttershy smiled. "Sure, I got Pinkie to tell me what was in her shed, and Applejack to tell me about how she really got Winona," Fluttershy said.

Twilight stared. "You mean if I'd told you about . . . you would have supported me?"

"Yes," Fluttershy said and grinned, "Without that game, I never would have found the courage to actually ask about it."

"You were playing 'Truth or Dare' to decide which deals to honor!?" Rainbow asked.

"I couldn't think of another way, and Pinkie offered first," Fluttershy said.

Rainbow collapsed to the floor and did an impression of a spider having a seizure.

Zecora and Rarity started with ladylike chuckles, but soon were guffawing at everyone's expression. The griffons just shook their heads at the 'crazy ponies'.

Pinkie was walking beside Glorious Sunrise. She smiled at him occasionally.

"You seem troubled," he pointed out.

"I did something that was necessary," Pinkie admitted, "But it wasn't very nice, and I'm afraid you'll hate me for it."

"I've done a fair number of things that I hope you never find out about," the old griffon said, "It was to help your friends, or your nations?"

"Both, and the rest of Equestria, I hope," Pinkie admitted.

"Then let the effects speak for themselves. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks you should have done things another, 'better' way. Their way, even if it was impossible with the tools you had in hand."

"Thank you," Pinkie said, "And sorry about knocking you out of the game like that."

"Believe me, I've had worse," he said, "It's good you know how to play the 'game of kings'. There's some people who seem to have forgotten."

"You mean Celestia," Pinkie said, "I can't figure out why she can't just let him alone and let the rest of us handle him. He likes Derpy and Fluttershy. He gets along with Applejack. We could have handled it."

"You would have been writing reports on everything his did for the rest of his life," the griffon said, "And no one would have believed you."

Pinkie nodded. "I guess a big part of it is how complicated he is."

Sunrise nodded.

"It's very simple," Derpy explained to the Sphinx as they watched the others search the library. "Let him think so fast he'll fly off the planet, but when he starts making a plan, then he needs us. To see any flaws, and to remind him that he is cared for. He likes cuddling as much as any pony, but you have to let him know you're coming. Now Dinky usually just shouts 'Daddy' or 'hugs', so he knows, and she charges in. Celly lets her shadow fall on him and what he's working on. You're tall enough, it could work for you."

The Sphinx nodded.

"Woona and I get on the other side of the table, or the counter and just look at him until he notices us. Then give him a cuddle. He likes it. It's the time it takes he isn't happy about, so a short one is always good. When he starts letting go, that's the signal to stop. You can give him a final squeeze, or a kiss, but when he lets go, start thinking about ending it. Doing that keeps him thinking about other people, and it makes his plans more tender."

"Is that why you like playing bolster?" the Sphinx asked.

Derpy blushed and nodded. "I'd love for him to give me more foals. But I'd have to be a human for him to be comfortable, and he'd have to be a pony for me to be comfortable, so we're kind of stuck. So I like to cuddle, and get hugs. It's nice."

The Sphinx nodded. "It seems so simple," she admitted.

"It is. But because it's simple, too many ponies have to complicate it. Decent stallions always are simple. A happy mare, healthy foals, enough to eat, lots of snuggling and some time to himself. That's all it takes. It's the clever stallions who - who talk a lot that are the bad ones."

"I guess you and Dinky's not father, but the stallion who got you pregnant," the Sphinx said.

Derpy nodded. She pointed a hoof at the Big Guy cataloging the entries against the magic from his books. "That creature from an alien world, who never saw a pony before he saw Dinky has been a better father than her sire. But he needs to know that and a gentle nudge when he does wrong."

The Sphinx hugged the mare. "And you've helped him a lot too."

Derpy sniffled a bit as she hugged the Sphinx.

Celly looked over the pair of books, and frowned. "One says it's possible, the other says it isn't."

"Then we test it experimentally," the Big Guy said, "The details of the two experiments are subtle, but they may make all the difference."

Celly nodded, and smiled before gesturing with her nose over to Woona who was surrounded by a sphere of books and was taking at least three sets of notes.

"Now I understand Twilight's fascination," the Big Guy said.

Celly snorted.

The Big Guy walked over to Discord. "How's she doing?"

The draconequus looked at the sleeping pony on his lap. "Getting some food and real sleep without nightmares seems to be helping. But I'd prefer if we hurry. And before you say 'why don't you help' all that isn't my style, and I don't think now is the time to start learning."

"You'll need to learn eventually," the Big Guy told him.

"I don't 'understand' my powers. I just want something and it happens. If you're doing something like this, it's just a question of power, of forcing the world to change. All this subtle stuff isn't my style," Discord admitted.

"You're going to have to learn to do a little studying, just to learn how a pony grows up," the Big Guy warned.

Discord nodded. The Big Guy left him to his calming ministrations and headed towards Derpy.

"Not the most relaxing vacation," he said and sat down to scratch her behind the ears.

She leaned into his hand, he scratched harder. "I just am glad I can help a little. Big things I usually just live with. I can't change them. You all can change them, so I just have to keep you eating and sleeping regularly."

"If the process works, you may suddenly be one of those big things people. I'm only learning the jargon, but from what I understand, the little one has not only tremendous control, as well as tremendous power. You should get a portion of that."

"As long as it helps," Derpy said, "That's what I care about. What was it you said? 'I don't care if I'm the best, I just care if I am better than yesterday.'"

"Yes," he said.

Zecora, Fluttershy and Twilight walked out into the grove Zecora had found earlier. The trees looked like Zecora's hut, or Twilight's library.

"You found them," Twilight breathed as she looked at the small cluster of trees. "How do we lay a root line from the library to here?"

"Maybe we find, if speak with their own kind," Zecora suggested.

Twilight nodded sheepishly. "I think we'll have to do that."

Fluttershy's ears had been up, switching between right and left. "Do you hear anything?" she asked.

Zecora listened and looked at the ground. "No birds, no bees, make a noise near those trees."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Fluttershy asked as she watched the few insects Zecora had spotted. They seemed to be eager to be on their way, and didn't want to chat. "Bad thing," she concluded, "I don't think they want us here."

"Now you can talk to trees?" Twilight said.

"I always wanted to be a tree," Fluttershy said then bowed her head at Twilight's aghast expression.

"I think I have our solution," Zecora said and grinned.

The Big Guy had the amulet out and was sitting in the middle of a sports stadium. None of them wanted to speculate if it was for gladiatorial games, or something more benign that entertained the crowds.

The circles had been scribed, and the others watched intently. Woona and Discord had made the place within the circle as malleable as a dream would be. Sapphire had brought a number of changelings to watch and understand the process. Dinky and Discord had remained with the library's denizen.

Woona and Celly nodded their readiness, and the Big Guy began to concentrate, not to master the amulet, but to communicate with it.

The sudden appearance of a nightmare tree towering over even the nearby buildings shocked everyone and sent some of the changelings fleeing.

"You cannot conceive of the evil I am capable of, nor what I shall do to the ponies for their crimes!" the soul of the Alicorn Amulet screamed.

The Big Guy noted that the image had not stepped out of the circle. "I can, and I beg you to reconsider. We've found at least two of your colleagues, there may be more. There is no need for this," the Big Guy shouted back. Hotaru shrugged and laid down to await developments.

"You are a fool, my powers are nigh on to infinite! And what are you?" the spirit asked as it took a more menacing form bending down over the Big Guy.

"Your redeemer, I had hoped. Now your executioner. The walls are far thinner here than anywhere else, and you aren't the only one who has faced darkness and not blinked."

The figure who rose out of the ground looked like what you'd get if George Romero used Chaplin's The Great Dictator as the inspiration for his next movie. The figure straightened his tie, smoothed the hair still attached to the scraps of flesh on its skull and focused on the mad plant monster.

"Dunkle diener, schwebt für den Meister! Leuchte, Höllenschein!" (1) the nearly skeletal figure shouted. From the ground burst war machines marked with the black, balk cross. Huge vehicles on tracks, on wheels, and both. The skeletal figures crewing the vehicles had differing uniforms, but the skull and crossed bones, or the twin lightning bolts were most prominent.

"You expect metal boxes and skeletons to harm me?" the plant monster said.

The Leader skeleton was incensed. "Ich war einst der gefährlichste Mann in ganz Deutschland!"(2) The assembled force roared various oaths and affirmations.

"Ihr seid in meiner Welt nicht eurer. Und ich hab Freunde im Schattenreich!"(3) the near skeleton called, and gestured for the vehicles to open fire.

Trixie looked down from the top of the 'Cabinet of Death' and facehooved to the audience as her partner shouted into her hat. "Hello, Great and Powerful Trixie!"

"I can hear you!" she told him.

He danced a happy jig. "We have reached de spirit vorld!"

As Trixie shook her head the audience laughed.

"Please I must hav resolute silence for dis trick to vork," he told the audience, "Great and Powerful Trixie, do you know vhere you are?"

"I'm above you!" she called.

He smiled happily. "I always knew she was a good pony!"

The audience 'aww'ed as Trixie got misty eyed.

"I'm not dead," Trixie said, "Turn around."

Blueblood turned around and looked up. He gasped, then sprinted into the Cabinet of Death.

"What are you doing?" she shouted at him.

"Is better to face the cabinet, then tell you I singed you hat," he called back from inside the cabinet.

"You WHAT?!" she called as the curtain went down to raucous laughter.

Blueblood collected Trixie's hat and brushed it off as they moved their props off stage. "You vouldn't really kill me for singing you hat? Vould you?" he asked.

"Of course not, when there are so many unpleasant things you can live through," she said and grinned widely. Both chuckled as they headed up to their dressing room.

Dandelion and Snowflower and a horde of their followers charged across the gap into the ancient city. Almost immediately, they began dropping like flies. Some crawled forward after their tottering leaders. Within a few hundred yards all had fallen. They lay there unable to move, unable to call out their distress.

Dinky frowned at her new friend. "Next time I get to play the Ogre!" she said as she moved the lone cybertank off the board for a decisive victory, for her friend.

"I want to try the four-howitzer defense anyway," she said quietly.

Dinky set the tray with the pieces where the filly could see it and pick her force. Dinky set up the defense as directed and then set her Ogre. "This is such a simple game, why didn't any pony think it up."

"Steve Jackson did what no one else ever did," Discord said as he looked over the rule book. "I play winner."

Dinky looked at the strategy article and the combined-arms defense. "Okay, I'm gonna win this one." She advanced her piece across the board.

Sapphire and the other changelings were trudging back to the border of the city.

"I think I should be terrified of him," one of the infiltrators said.

"Just don't try to be him," Sapphire warned, "It doesn't go well."

The changelings nodded. None of them were certain if the amulet had capitulated or succumbed. And neither of the alicorns had been in a mood to answer. The changelings were glad they'd escaped with their hides.

Sapphire was trying to put on a brave face, implying that she was used to this. Truth is, that's bigger magic than I've heard even Celestia casting. Can she do it and doesn't, or is Celly growing more powerful than the native Celestia? she wondered as they approached another spectacle that defied logic.

They saw Dinky tossing another changeling across the border onto the pile of around a dozen changelings. With a last horn 'heave' she dropped Dandelion on top of Snowflower.

"And don't come back!" she shouted at them as some few tried to crawl away.

Sapphire stared at the angry, little unicorn glaring at the platoon of changelings piled in several, squirming heaps.

Dinky seemed to notice them. "No, Discord stayed with her. I did this myself," Dinky told them and stalked off.

The changelings stared at her, and the piles of their run-down brethren. "I'm not going to fight her," one of the other changelings said, there was hushed agreement among the collected mass.

"And she follows your orders?" one of the changelings asked worriedly.

Sapphire shrugged. "Well, she loves me, so she gives me a bit more latitude," Sapphire said, "Let's go drag those idiots back to the hive."

The worried muttering continued.

"What happened?" Sapphire asked Snowflower.

The would-be queen sneered, "I am not talking about it to you."

Sapphire smiled and walked off to help a changeling willing to accept her help.

Day 54

The sphinx woke amid the 'ponypile'. Celly was the Big Guy's bolster, but Woona had snuggled up against the Sphinx using her as a bolster. Dinky was covering his feet, with Derpy and Hotaru sandwiching him in. Sapphire was at a slight distance dozing and watching.

I could get used to this, the Sphinx thought as she glanced at the clock. She woke Woona and indicated the time, before placing the alicorn on her back and silently padding out to the kitchen. Woona was asleep again when they got there. She frowned at that, and began carefully scratching behind Luna's ears. The sensation disturbed the little alicorn's slumber and she woke.

"Dirty pool," Woona said.

"There are other ways," the Sphinx said, "I could have tickled your hooves."

"You would have woken the entire house," Woona admitted and lifted off her back. "Know why he slept on your back, you're so warm and fuzzy."

The Sphinx frowned at that, but looked around the kitchen. "So what's for breakfast?"

"Something substantial. After the battle with the amulet, and how we won, I think everyone will want a good breakfast."

The Sphinx nodded.

The Sphinx weathered Derpy's grin with good humor. The Big Guy clung to her human back with one arm and both legs. It was enjoyable in ways that Derpy understood perfectly.

Dinky rode on her mother's back, and there was a completely different paradigm there. The little unicorn watched the Big Guy with a worshipful expression as they hovered near the top of the library.

"A dome at the top is compressive, the dome is trying to collapse inward," he indicated the heavy stone pieces. "The ring prevents that, it also provides the base for the glass window."

"The ring is huge," Dinky said as she looked around the circumference of the window.

"It is. I never said these people weren't genius engineers," he said, "The ring is nearly a meter, sorry, three feet thick. It's in segments, but it's still extremely heavy."

"I doubt even Twilight could lift those all," Dinky said.

"They used teams of unicorns to do this," the Big Guy explained, "Then they thought they were better than the Earth Ponies. My people did the same as this, with no magic at all. The Earth Ponies could have built this dome. If they'd known how. It's the knowledge that made the difference." The Big Guy leaned close. "To the center of the dome, please."

She carried him there, with Derpy staying close.

The echo from the glass dome distorted his voice. "While the inner edge sits on the ring, the outer edge is beyond the stone. So the rain can't undermine the stone ring, or let the weather leak in," the Big Guy said.

"Wow," Derpy said, "They thought of everything."

"They probably knew what to worry about, these books contain the lessons that taught them," he said, "You can imagine what else is in those books."

"I can imagine what Twilight would do with those books," Derpy said.

The Big Guy nodded. "I'd suggest you not mention it for just that reason. Hopefully she's letting Celestia or the Apples take care of the house."

Dinky and Derpy laughed as they fluttered all the way to the ground.

Spike raised his eyes from the book he'd been given, and was eagerly rereading as Twilight dashed in and threw herself against the door. Then she looked around and sank to her knees. Her expression of terror at what had been their home for the past months disturbed him. I know I'm going to regret this, he thought as Owlicious roused himself.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Who," Owlicious added.

"I was getting to that," Spike told Twilight's number-two assistant.

"It's, alive," Twilight said, as if she'd forgotten to get Celestia a birthday present.

"We've discussed that," Spike said, "Didn't you and Zecora, and Fluttershy have a plan to contact the trees you sent Celestia the note about?"

Twilight blinked, stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"The library, Zecora's hut, and the trees in the forest," Spike said, sighed and placed a bookmark in his book before setting it aside. "Why, what are you talking about?"

"Boxes," Twilight hissed, "They stole a freight wagon and are hiding out behind the post office!"

Upper limbs covered faces as her two assistants proved that face-palms crossed species boundaries. "They aren't 'hiding', they're due to be shipped back to Canterlot. The freight car was full, so they'll have to wait for the next one. They'll be gone in a couple days." Spike giggled. "Did you think they were after you, like the headless horse?" he asked and started laughing harder. He stopped the instant he realized he was laughing alone.

"This is very serious!" Twilight insisted.

Spike let out a breath and decided it was serious. She wasn't over her obsession yet. "Look, you aren't the one in charge of his home, or his library. Until she appoints an overseer, it's Celestia's responsibility. Right?"

Twilight nodded as she poked her head up so she could peek out the window. Mystery came out of his room, and Spike signaled him to stay quiet, or withdraw. Seeing Twilight's condition, he slipped back into his room.

"So, if the boxes are headed to Canterlot, they're Princess Celestia's problem too, right?" Spike asked.

The mad gaze he got told him it wasn't right, and wouldn't be for some time.

"They're going to ambush Celestia?" Twilight said and rubbed her hooves, "Then maybe we can save her."

Spike glanced at Owlicious, who shrugged, then at his book, and remembered the lesson on dragon word play. "Twilight, be quiet," he ordered.

"Spike!" Twilight snapped, more than she'd already snapped. "Those -"

"Shh!" he said and clamped a claw around her mouth. "Luna knows about it, so Celestia knows about it, and Captain Armor knows about it. And they have to come in on the railroad. That's one path. If an invader is coming up one, narrow, twisty path, and you know they're coming, but they don't know you know. You know what that means, don't you?" Spike grinned evilly.

"Oh my gosh!" Twilight exclaimed, easing the burden on Spike's mind, "They're going to sneak up and ambush Celestia! We have to warn her! I'll pack, and you get us some train tickets."

Spike beat his head against a wall. So much for dragon wordplay and cunning.

The others had almost completed their work in the ancient library, but Dinky and Hotaru were off to the side watching. Dinky stared at Hotaru. "Um, I apologize. I don't know how to ask this politely, but how did he beat you?"

Hotaru woofed at the question. She glared at the filly, who winced and shied. Hotaru blew out a breath. "You ask how I, Nightmare Moon, incarnation of every fear and terror that ponies will ever know, could be brought down?"

Dinky fearfully nodded. Then she scooped a handful of candy out of the saddle bags she wore. Hotaru stared at her, her ears back. Dinky pulled out a second offering. "Ah, I don't think this is thawed out." She held out a frozen, hamburger patty.

Hotaru took it. "It's likes a lollipop," she said, and set it on her upraised paw, "It is simple, my naive little friend. Discord trapped me in a memory in his mind. A place where horrors that ponies cannot even imagine, occurred every day."

Dinky whimpered and shuffled her hooves.

"Where even my dreams and nightmares about the place, cruel, and hopeless and terrifying as they were, could not compare with the waking reality."

Dinky cowered on the ground.

"And amid all this. A terror even if I described it in intricate detail, you could still not comprehend it," Hotaru said, almost wistfully, "There came a force even these monsters feared. They spoke of it in whispers, they feared their wrath, they spoke of destroying 'all evidence'. That meant me, and all the other prisoners, the buildings, everything."

Dinky was too frightened to even shiver.

"Then they came, they came in their thousands and our tormentors looked at them, each and every one, as you would an angry god," Hotaru told her, "Yet to us, they brought salvation beyond the dreams of paradise. Not just the cessation of terror and cruelty, but food, decent blankets, cleansing us of vermin, and they cared. No longer were we things to be slowly destroyed, we were people again."

Dinky raised her head, thinking about how she'd feel and realizing she had nothing in her experience that could compare.

"And that man," Hotaru said, "Was one of them. Maybe Celestial and Luna are right to feel intimidated by him, but they are very foolish to keep provoking him."

Spike looked down at the gently snoring figure. Twilight finally looked peaceful as she laid in her bed. "She'll wake up eventually," he asked the Sand Cobra, "Right?"

"I didn't expect her to fall asleep, it was just to calm her down," the griffon replied.

"The Royal Guard gave her enough sleeping potion to fell a hydra once," Spike admitted, "I guess once she calmed down, she just ran out of steam."

"Makes sense," the griffon said, "What was she worried about?"

"The freight wagon of boxes was coming to get her," Spike said.

"I - see," the Sand Cobra said.

Day 55

Pinkie looked through the tool bins. She looked through her spare parts bin. She looked at the rafters of the shed. Where could my flier be hiding? she thought worriedly.

"Oolie-oolie-oxen free," she called quietly, "You're better at hiding than I am at seeking." She looked around worriedly, then stuck her head out of the shed. She didn't feel her usual self. "I think I understand how Twilight feels, just before she goes crazy." She spotted the multiple sets of tracks, and followed them. As she crested a small rise, she dropped onto her belly and watched the goings on.

Her griffon friend was there, with the Crusaders. Scootaloo was at the controls as he explained what each of them did. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle each stood on a pedal, ready to set the aircraft soaring on the old griffon's command. The pair started the pedals, and then the blades turning, but far too slowly. Meanwhile, Scootaloo moved the controls as the griffon ordered. Pinkie lay on the crest of the hill and watched. Watched her griffon friend do what she'd never had the courage to do, show her toys to someone who could appreciate or condemn them.

She watched for several minutes as the two Crusaders pumped the pedals and Scootaloo moved the controls. Then the griffon called a halt and signaled they'd have to take the flier back. None of the Crusaders liked it, but they complied as they loaded the flier onto the cart and began hauling it back to Pinkie's shed.

Pinkie momentarily panicked as she looked for somewhere to hide. She concealed herself behind a tree and kept out of sight as they carefully returned the flier to its place and they closed up the shed.

"When can we take her flying?" Scootaloo asked, the little pegasus' eyes shining at the thought of flight.

"When you are fully trained to my standards," the old griffon said, then added coldly, "If you sneak in there to steal it, borrow it, or just sit on it without my direct and personal supervision, the lessons will end."

All the Crusaders flinched as if the near whisper was the full Royal Canterlot Voice. They nodded worriedly before he gave them a nod.

As they headed off, she slipped out from behind the tree. "Uh, thank you."

"I thought it was a good fit, and if they'd laughed at the whole idea, it would have been mine, not yours," he said quietly, "I might not understand your fears, but I can adapt to them."

"They liked it?" she asked as she looked after the Crusaders and back at the shed.

"It would need a major redesign not to require all three of them, but their friendship and promise of flight should let us get your idea out to a receptive audience." The old griffon looked around the yard. "Where the hay were you hiding anyway?"

"Behind the tree," Pinkie said.

The old griffon walked over and wrapped both forepaws around the tree until they were overlapping. He glanced at Pinkie then back at the rather skinny tree, and shrugged.

Derpy was concerned how haggard the team looked. "Okay, I'm putting my hoof down. You've got the research done, right?"

Several tired nods answered her.

"Okay, then you all need a day of rest. If this is as difficult and dangerous as you all say, then doing it all strung out won't help anypony. Especially that foal or each other."

"She'll put something in the food if you don't agree," Hotaru said, scandalizing the pegasus, until everyone chuckled.

"After that crack, maybe you should spend the night with Discord," the Big Guy said, "I don't need another rug."

Hotaru woofed and trotted back towards the library.

"What about seeing Trixie's show?!" Woona asked.

"Fine, I'll sleep in," the Big Guy said.

"Oh, right," Woona said as her ears flattened.

"No, the rest of you go. I've got a few things I'd like to cook without nauseating all my other housemates," the Big Guy said.

"Save some for Discord and Hotaru," Derpy said, then she thought, "What are you going to do when your refrigerator and freezer are empty?"

"I can refill them partially from what's in the house the Apples are staying in," the Big Guy said, "After that, I can survive on eggs and cheese. I think Fluttershy fishes for some of her animals."

They nodded.

"Maybe we could invite Twilight to watch the spell," Dinky said, and listened to everyone burst out laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Trixie maybe," Celly said, "But Twilight would be an endless stream of questions, and arguments that what we were doing was impossible."

"There's two levels of expert degrees in my world," the Big Guy said as he knelt down near Dinky, "The Masters where someone takes existing ideas and combines them into something new, and the Doctorate, where the student adds something completely new to the existing knowledge base. Twilight is firmly in the Masters' level, she looks at what others have done and tries to duplicate it and do it herself. What we've been doing is Doctorate level. We're advancing the frontiers of knowledge. We don' have time for a thesis defense in the middle of proving the concept." He considered as he stood up. "But Trixie and Blueblood might appreciate watching."

"You're cruel," Celly said, and they laughed.

Day 56

"This will really make me a tree?" Fluttershy said excitedly as she and Zecora stood among the grove of trees. Twilight had missed the meeting yesterday and looked to be missing the meeting today.

Zecora wasn't sure if the potion would retain its potency if delayed another day. "Yes," she said, "Are you sure about this?" Zecora had expected Fluttershy to be averse about such a change, but she found herself having to curb the pegasus' enthusiasm.

"Oh yes," Fluttershy said, "I've always wondered about being a tree. Now I have a chance to find out, and talk to some other poor trees." Now the more familiar Fluttershy appeared as she nervously pawed the ground. "And I think I'll be the best ambassador. They might be hurt and need a helping hoof. I think Twilight would want too many answers too fast."

Zecora smiled. "Yes, I remember my first meeting with Miss Sparkle when she wanted something from me. It was rather overwhelming."

"Sorry," Fluttershy said.

"I survived," she said and hoofed over the potion. "All, one drink and get it all. You'll have an hour before the call. I have one more dose, if your time is close."

Fluttershy nodded, breathed deeply several times, then drank the potion down as Zecora had commanded.

Zecora stepped back as Fluttershy took root and her branches reached for the sky.

Fluttershy could feel nothing outside herself. Within, she felt the flow of sap and nutrients. She felt her roots questing through the soil, and in their quest, they bound with the great root system that was there.

"Hello," she 'said' into the vast emptiness. She listened, listened as hard as she could. She heard nothing, but her instincts told her it wasn't that there wasn't anything to hear, but what would have been making noise was hiding it. "My name is Fluttershy, I think I can help you. If you'll let me."

Please, just talk to me, she wanted to shout, We know we did wrong. Let us make it right!

Suddenly she was facing Zecora. "The second dose, please," she nearly shouted. The stunned Zebra gave her the potion and in an instant she was back. She heard the vague sounds of speech dying away. Like a child realizing he might get caught talking out of turn.

She felt for once that her patience wouldn't serve her. The potion would wear off before she could wait them into talking with her. Please just talk to me, she thought as she listened as hard as she ever listened before. She knew she was passed over, ignored, that ponies would talk as if she wasn't there. Now she tried to wrap that around herself and listen or feel any change.

She would have facehoofed if she could have. She felt the power of the sun, and of her friends and others around her, and the nutrients in the soil. She sent much of that into the roots tangled with the others.

Get them food, she thought, Show them I mean no harm. The smiled inwardly as she gave them as much strength as she could.

"Uh, ze Great und Powerful Trixie is under ze veather," the white unicorn stallion wearing the wizard's hat said to the audience.

"That's because you hit me with a storm backdrop," came the irritated reply from the wings.

"Und she is bedridden," the stallion said, and began sweating as the audience laughed.

"That's because a mattress fell on me," came the reply.

"Zo I the Assertive and Amazing Alligator Sandwich will perform feats of -"

"Igor! Where'd you get that name?" Trixie asked as she limped on stage with several strategic bandages wrapped around her.

"Trixie!" the stallion yelped, "How did you escape, I mean are you feeling better?"

"Igor, why are you calling yourself Alligator Sandwich?" Trixie asked.

"To honor my grandsire," Igor said and put a hoof over his heart.

"Your grandsire was named sandwiches made of alligator?"

"Non," Igor said, "Is not ingredient, is who sandwich belongs to. See if caught between two bread kiosks, and giant alligator eats you."

Trixie took off her hat. "I am sorry, I share the pain of your loss."

"Vat you talkin 'bout? Grandsire not get eaten by alligator. Grandsire have to shovel up after him," Igor said.

Trixie put her hat back on her head and glared at Igor. "You're Igor again, I'm doing the show. Now for my first trick, I need a volunteer. You the unicorn filly with the pegasus."

Applejack and Granny Smith sat around the lunch table with Johnny and Jonny. Each had a pad of paper, the written word being faster than charades.

'Have you had problems with people trying to get the books?' Applejack wrote.

The Apple couple looked at each other and Jonathan wrote, 'No, although we expect trouble when Her Highness selects a guardian though.'

'Twilight's been carrying on like she was,' Granny Smith wrote.

Applejack noted that the margin of Granny's paper also contained a list of ingredients and their amounts, which Jonny Cake started filling in. Finally got her fritter-batter recipe, Applejack thought and nearly guffawed with laughter at the returned sheet with 'MINE' or 'SECRET' written in all the blanks and the sweetest smile from Jonny to Granny.

'First thing I'd heard of it. It's been quiet, except for Pinkie Pie,' Jonathan wrote.

All the Apples domestic and imported started sweating about that.

'DON'T' and Applejack underlined it three times, 'tell Twilight. Or the fruit bats won't be the only crazy thing hanging upside down in the trees.'

All four Apples winced and nodded.

'So, how well does Applebloom think her tree is doing?' Jonny asked in writing

"Uh, help?" Dinky asked Blueblood as Igor. As she struggled with the rings that had nearly enveloped her.

'Igor' looked at the crowd. "Iz der boltcutter in de houze?"

The crowd roared as the hapless unicorn untangled Dinky from the 'magic ring' trick, and wound up on his back struggling to escape them himself. "Uh, help?" Igor said almost exactly as Dinky had.

Trixie escorted Dinky back to her group and facehoofed at the trapped stallion. She cast a bright flash around him. He was up and the ring hung from one arm. The audience applauded.

Dinky leaned over to Celly. "After the spell, will I be able to do that?"

"Not immediately, that act takes a lot of training and rehearsing," Celly whispered back as the curtain came down. They sat through several more acts, enjoying themselves. Sapphire was disguised as a pony, so was the Changeling Queen, and her entourage. All of them felt the flows among the ponies as the entertainers performed.

"A rich feeding ground," the Princess' seneschal said, "I can see how Queen Chrysalis would be confused."

"Better if that is directed at you, as who you are, or an original seeming," Sapphire said, and then saw the 'amateur hour' sign go up. "Our turn." A half-dozen changelings in pony disguises went to the front, including both Princesses. They'd signed up earlier as a dance group, and passed their auditions. Now they waited for a beginning singer, screechier really, a comic and a ventriloquist to have their turn. The singer was pulled quickly. The comic was halfway funny and completed his act to applause. The poor ventriloquist couldn't seem to do anything right, getting thoroughly heckled by his dummy, which seemed to be the point.

Then the changeling band took the stage. The dancing wasn't particularly innovative or complicated, but the synchronization was perfect, as it should be between a Changeling Queen and her inner circle. Sapphire looked at her fellow princess across the line as they finished.

Then the audience stood up and cheered. Sapphire looked at the stunned expression of the changelings being the recipient of love not stolen or tricked, but intentionally directed straight at them. The drunken ecstacy on most of the faces heralded the torrent of nectar that would appear in the hive's reserves.

Then Sapphire realized she wasn't being engorged as she was by her friends' affection. She could feel the hive absorbing the energy she received from the crowd. She's accepted me, she thought happily, The old queen has accepted me. Is she going to follow Dinky's mad plan of becoming Empress, so she can have many queens below her? Sapphire felt the sense of belonging and appreciation from the hive as she fed them the bounty of her efforts.

The group headed back down to the audience as the next act came on. Some of the ponies still 'fed' the changelings as she returned to their seats. Sapphire enjoyed the bewildered looks among the changelings.

"You must be very proud of your daughters," one pony matron whispered to the older queen.

"You have no idea," she replied as she grinned at the team.

Zecora paced nervously. Flutter-tree should have returned to her normal state when the potion wore off, four hours ago. I can't imagine what might have gone wrong, Zecora thought as she went over and over the manufacture of the potions. The first dose worked perfectly. I can't imagine what happened with the second, she thought as she again considered her options, I can run to Ponyville for help, but that would leave Fluttershy alone if she transformed. What to do, what to do?

She paced nervously, more like Twilight than her normally nonchalant attitude. Every movement of Flutter-tree brought her attention around. So far, only the wind through the limbs had moved her.

Zecora had begun to despair when the tree moved without a breath of wind. She moved up to catch the reeling pegasus and lower her gently to the ground.

"I won," Fluttershy said, "Still Shhh champion, they talked first!" she said proudly. "I beat trees!" she said with manic intensity, before snuggling against Zecora and falling asleep.

"The more I stay at Ponyville, the more insanity comes over hill," Zecora said as she lifted Fluttershy to carry her back to her hut.

"Dinner," the Big Guy called as he entered the library. "I brought you three something to eat." He held the basket up in front of him. He set it on a table near cenotaph. "For Discord, an extra special mushroom and Swiss burger with wasabi, tabasco and ginger pickles." He handed the draconequus the wrapped food.

"For Hotaru, a fair amount of suet and grease with plenty of garlic on a rice base." He set down the bowl in front of the salivating dog.

"Just tell me it's delicious," she complained, "Telling me the ingredients detracts."

"Will do. Another burger without the nuclear option for me," he said and set his plate on the table. "And a thin broth for the lady. I don't know if you can handle solid foods, but we should get you used to them." He set a thermos beside Discord.

"Thank you," the bright-red draconequus said, steam pouring out of his ears, "Good burger."

"Celly tells me that you are afraid of research," he said.

"I never had to do it, so I didn't want to mess it up on something this delicate," Discord said.

"Well, I think you might need to learn." He walked over to a small cache of books he'd located as they searched the library. He picked them up and carried them over to Discord. "You might want to read through these. If what I read about the genealogies is true, the lady's father wasn't the most active parent."

Discord stared at him, then glanced at the filly snuggled against his chest. "Can you get my eyebrows off the dome? I think I'm going to need them."

"Sure," the Big Guy said, "Oh." He pointed to himself. "Children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, great-grandchildren." He returned to his sandwich as Discord began reading through the stack of books.

Trixie facehoofed. "Let me get this straight, you are ready to perform the greatest act of magic ever recorded, and you want us losers to help? As thespians we are superb, but I don't do academician." She turned to Prince Blueblood. "No offense."

"None taken, I've been told I was a loser by none other than Celestia herself. That practically makes me unique on this planet."

"I'm sorry about that," Celly said, in disguise as an 'ordinary' unicorn.

Blueblood shrugged. "I've encouraged it. Everypony needs a whipping post."

Celly shied at that. "That doesn't make it right," Celly said.

"Let's shift this to more reasonable ground. Tonight was our last performance. We had planned on taking two weeks to walk to Los Pegasus," Blueblood said.

"Two weeks, a pony could be there in two days," Woona 'the pegasus' said. Her Trixie hat hiding her horn, and occasionally slipping over her eyes, making her more adorable.

"Not if that pony wanted to enjoy the trip, and actually wanted to feel the earth beneath his hooves, smell the roses along the way." He grinned. "Maybe even thrash a bandit or two."

"I'm going to be asleep the whole time," Trixie said, "For once I don't have to haul my wagon myself. I just have to wake up in time for the rescue."

"Him from the bandits, or the bandits from him?" Derpy asked.

"Either."

"I would be pleased to witness this," Trixie said, "If only for the tales to tell afterwards."

"I do have one question," Blueblood said, "How are you going to get the library out of there? Once the lady is gone, the preservation spell will fade."

The others looked at each other and facehoofed. "Why didn't we think of that?" Dinky asked.

"I beat trees," Fluttershy murmured in her sleep.

Zecora, Applebloom and Nurse Redheart looked at the sleeping pegasus curled up in a spare bunk in Zecora's hut.

"I think it's just exhaustion," the nurse told the others, "Let her rest and bring her in first thing when she wakes up."

"Ah just wish we knew if she talked ta them or not," Applebloom said.

"Both you and me, seek that answer tree," Zecora said, relaxing after the medic had given Fluttershy a clean bill of health. "Her remaining as a tree, is at the moment what baffles me."

"Willpower," Redheart said, "She needed to get something done, and she did it." The nurse pony glanced around. "You didn't think that a pony nearly scared of her own shadow, wouldn't need heroic reserves to just stay here and look after her animal friends?"

"Ignorance of that, I must confess, thank you for uncovering that mess," Zecora told her.

"Okay Applebloom," Redheart said, "The sun will be going and I'd like someone who knows the path to lead me back to town."

"Okay!" Applebloom said cheerfully.

"I beat trees," Fluttershy murmured as her caretakers smiled.

Sapphire watched Trixie as the showmare felt the ponies snuggling up all around her. She could see the currents among them and was surprised by the depth and vibrancy of them. She wondered if Trixie realized that she had a home here.

"I missed this," Trixie told them.

"You can take my spot, if you want," Derpy told her.

Trixie shook her head. "No, as you said, it's your spot. I'm just a guest." She leaned close and whispered, "I see the way he looks at you."

Derpy stammered and blushed as Trixie giggled. Sapphire watched as the currents like webs bound the group together. Even the sphinx had been added and the web shifted to fulling incorporate those who hadn't met earlier.

Sapphire noted that Blueblood had excused himself and left. Sapphire followed him.

"Don't you want to stay with the others?" he asked as he bedded down in the guest room.

"Don't you?" Sapphire asked.

"Lets say I don't have the species barrier that he does," Blueblood said. He didn't start as Sapphire returned to her native form.

"Better?" she asked.

"Why?" he asked.

"You seem disconnected, lonely even," she said, "Yet you don't try to join the web of connections that surround them. I know for a fact you'd be welcomed."

"I've been trapped by that web too many times. I relish the idea of being alone. Truly alone, for just a little while. If there's trouble I can get help. But I've been 'cuddled' about as much as I can stand. One reason I wanted to walk the trail. Ponies tend to prize what they've always been denied. I've been at the center of the web, as you put it, and all I felt was tugged in all directions. Here, they are willing to include me, but I don't have to be included. If you understand."

Sapphire nodded. "I think I can understand. That doesn't stop me from thinking it's insane. They stuffed me so full of love I thought I'd burst at the seams. I even had a few nightmares about it. But I'd still stay with them."

"That's love. Imagine being in that room, and instead starving to death. That's what I've been through. If I'm going to feel lonely, I've rather do it without a dozen people cuddling up against me," Blueblood said, "I might eventually come to see it your way, but I need to cleanse my palate sort of speak, before I can simply enjoy it."

Sapphire nodded and left him alone.

Day 57

Blueblood helped draw the base circle, from which all the others would germinate. Trixie stayed close to the filly and Discord, doing little magic tricks to keep the little one laughing. Celly, Woona and Dinky laid out the secondary circles. Although Celly or Woona supervised Dinky closely. The Big Guy went over the bundles of herb, candles, braziers, incense and other tools that he'd guided Discord and Tom through the creation of. The other reason he'd let the others go. No 'regular' magic would touch these until they were ready.

He checked the computer printouts from the flow diagrams and finite element analysis charts that he'd cobbled together, mapping the flows of magic into tensor and vector fields. "I'm glad we have Blueblood and Trixie here," The Big Guy said to Hotaru and the Sphinx, "As sure as I am of my calculation, and our experiments show that power flows as our alicorns' description, even the laws of physics break down when high-enough energies are in play."

"You are expecting a problem?" the Sphinx asked.

"There's always a problem. The question is, can we solve it in time?" he said and watched as the laptop ran the projection again. "I wish I could bring one of the desktops out here. The laptop can't run the full suite, and what it can run is dreadfully slow."

"We'll do fine," the Sphinx said, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"We all get converted into insane gods and blow up the universe," he replied, "That's if things go insanely right and we can't compensate."

"Are you always this negative?" Hotaru asked.

"Only before the test firing," he replied, "Too many things have to act as you predict, not too well and not too badly."

The Sphinx and Hotaru exchanged frowns. Then Derpy arrived leading a huge contingent of Changelings.

"That's more than in the whole hive," Hotaru said.

The old Queen arrived. "Chrysalis is moving. My two daughters have already left with their followers, good riddance, if they think Chrysalis will share power. As if. But many other hives have fled here."

"You told them what we're doing, and for whom?" the Sphinx asked.

The Queen nodded. "They are very eager to help the progenitor. Our Legends speak of us being created. That we were created not as parasites but as helpmates has been a near heresy. That it is the truth has had a very profound affect on our people."

"How many are you bringing?" the Big Guy asked.

"Seated in the stadium, about 70,000 with another 35,000 outside." The Queen looked at the stunned expressions. "You said you wanted as many as could be spared to help the ceremony."

"We did, and we are honored that so many are here to give so willingly," the Big Guy said, "Go ahead and have them take their seats."

The Queen and Derpy left.

Hotaru looked at the sphinx as the Big Guy's fingers flew over the keyboard.

"Don't say anything," Hotaru warned.

"I don't have time to," he said then grimaced, "This thing is going to take forever to run that calculation. Look, call me when that box clears. I've got to go talked to Celly. She and Discord are going to love this."

"What was he saying about things going too well?" the Sphinx asked.

"Oh shut up!" Hotaru replied as she watched the numbers dance across the screen.

Fluttershy woke and looked around Zecora's home. A note beside the bed read 'out feeding your animals, back soon. Zecora'. Fluttershy relaxed and let the events of the past day wash over her. The seemingly endless waiting for the trees to speak, and listening to their slow and deliberate discussion, before interjecting that Zecora's hut and Twilight's home still lived. Then waited longer for them to begin speaking before repeating her message. She grinned when they had finally responded to her, and asked for time to think. A few days, but she had granted it. Enough time to tell the others what she'd learned and get ready for whatever their next step was.

She stretched, enjoyed the feeling of sleeping in for once. She loved caring for her animal friends, but unlike the others, she couldn't easily arrange a day off. She thought about the trees and their slow and deliberate way of thinking. Everyone else is always in such a hurry, she thought, I'd like to be able to take some time to think about something, as others and have time to actually listen. Yet they didn't waste time on boasts or frippery. They were as deliberate as Applejack, but not as hasty, as courteous as Rarity, but without all the flourishes. And people wonder why I'd like to be a tree. Direct talk, but enough politeness that no one gets their feelings hurt.

She sighed and considered if she could have stayed that way for a while, and if her power to 'hear' animals would extend to trees that could actually talk.

Celly facehoofed. Woona's expression of screwed up concentration marked her attempt to understand the effect. Blueblood looked at the diagram and seemed a step from breaking out in laughter or tears. The Big Guy was unhappy with the absolute lack of answers the experts were providing. "Will it work or not?" he asked.

Celly stared at him. "You act like this is something we've ever seen before," Celly retorted, "That seventy-thousand -"

"Hundred and five," Woona commented as she stared at the diagram.

"Yes, thank you," Celly said, her exasperation turning her pink as she struggled with her temper, "That many participants, not spectators, has never been done. If they do venerate her as the creator, progenitor, big momma of all, the energy flows become large but more erratic. If this stayed in the realm of ordinary magic, yes it would work, but these flows are maybe big enough to rewrite the laws of magic in their field of effect."

"That may be how my power works, a strong enough field and the laws of reality break down and just give you what you want," Discord said as he stroked his beard, "If it does that, Tom and I and the rest of you should be able to handle it. But we should get the crowd in line with exactly what we want."

Derpy popped up among them. "Great thing we have Trixie then. She knows how to work a crowd."

Celly returned to being white and got even paler. Woona, even Hotaru paled and stared at the Big Guy. "You're going to do it, aren't you?"

"Take control out of our hands and into Discord's?" the Big Guy said, "If it gives us an expert on manipulating the effects, instead of a bunch of us just guessing, or worse, some of one and the rest of the other, you better believe I'm shoving this into the realm of 'we have an expert here.'"

Discord stared at them. "You're trusting . . . me?"

"And Tom," Hotaru said, "You won't do anything to hurt the filly. Letting her friends and saviors get crispy-crittered would go in the 'hurt' column."

"Point of Order," Blueblood said, and raised a hoof, "You are going to be setting off a magical flare so big that your three favorite ponies are bound to detect it. Let alone half the dragons, and untold numbers of others. Not counting the residents of Tartarus."

"Maybe not," Discord said, "My powers aren't detectable that way. This may be too big to see with magic. Celly, sorry, Tia didn't know I was loose until her guards reported my statue was broken. And if Chrysalis is on the move, she's the one who'd get blamed."

"Why do I get worried when just thinking about this?" Woona asked.

" 'We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita; Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty, and to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says, 'Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.' I suppose we all thought that, one way or another.' - J. Robert Oppenheimer. The world he destroyed was one where the loss of tens of millions of people, one of every twenty-five then alive, could be tolerated by anyone with the merest pretensions of civilization," he said, "That's what this really means. Once we do this, that djinni can never go back into the bottle. Even if replicating it is impossible, everyone will know it was done at least once."

The alicorns and Discord moved off to discuss the details among themselves. Hotaru stared at him. "One of these days you're going to have to comprehend just how terrifying you are. On that day, maybe you'll forgive Celestia for how she's reacted to you. And she's that scared of the little part she understands." The dog trotted over to join the other discussion.

"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie announced to the crowd.

"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Sapphire as Trixie announced.

"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Another changeling as Trixie announced.

"I'm the Grated and Powderized Trixie!" one changeling in the most awful Trixie mask and wig shouted.

"There's always one in every crowd," Sapphire and Trixie said.

Within moments the entire stadium had proclaimed and appeared to be Trixie, or a close approximation.

Before she could blow her stack, Blueblood shouted, "By the Hearth! The franchise rights would make you rich beyond the dreams of avarice!"

All the Trixies facehoofed. Then the Trixie on the field spoke up. "Then you should understand what shall be asked of you," RealTrixie called to the throng of ChangelingTrixies.

"Of course, are we not The Great and Powerful Trixie?" The Changelings called back.

"Am I really that irritating?" Trixie asked Blueblood quietly.

"No, but you could be," Blueblood said, "Study with the Master and becomes as consummately irritating as I am." He posed with a hoof on his chest.

Trixie shook her head then looked back at the stands, and literally thousands of Bluebloods staring back at her, posing, grinning, and generally being the magnificent stallion Blueblood was. She tore her eyes away and looked at the original. He was facing away from them.

"I always wanted to see the back of my head," Blueblood explained.

"But, you're . . . " Trixie stopped as she saw the crowd. Half were Bluebloods, half were Trixies. Half of the pairs had Blueblood with a hoof under Trixie's chin, and Trixie all a tremble. The other half were Trixie hoofing Blueblood's chin and he was all a tremble.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Trixie told them in the most reasonable tone possible.

With the entire stadium back to being full of bug ponies, Trixie and Blueblood explained what was expected, and how best they could help their progenitor. The bug ponies shouted and screamed to beat any pack of fillies at a popstar's concert.

"We're gonna get vaporized," Blueblood whispered, "You do know that don't you?"

The circles thrummed with power, but the huge number and excitement of the changelings reinforced the outermost circle and held the terrible forces within. While her horn glowed like a star, Celly concentrated on the spell that carefully removed the girls terrifying magical potential from her, while Woona carefully distributed it to the others. She could feel her sister mirroring her own awe and horror at the vastness of the girl's magic potential, and her relief that the outer protection spells were as powerful as they were.

No wonder the girl's powers were killing her, she thought as she carefully pared them down to something she could live with, and at the same time dipped into power to strengthen the girl's body to survive the power they were leaving her. She felt the residue of the spells that had been used on this child in the womb. So 'Molly Be Damned' did that to her child on purpose. If she was that unethical why didn't she imprint unquestioning loyalty in her as well?

The others were absorbing the increase without trouble. Woona strained to build the abilities up slowly in each, but all but the Big Guy reveled in their growing strength. He was hunched over staring at his palms. She put it out of her mind. He'd call a halt if he couldn't handle it.

Most disturbing was Blueblood, walking the area between the inner and outer circle, surveying the progress and protection. How could I have been so blind? she wondered, Easy, he is as good an actor as Trixie, and he masterfully played the role.

She didn't want to think the spell was going 'too smoothly', Discord and Tom were manipulating another level of energy beyond magic, and everything was reaching a climax. She had fortified herself and Woona first, feeding samples to the others as they grew ready for them, and giving Discord and Tom the balance or denying them the deficit. So they alone received the erratic power flows.

The spell to set all their new powers, higher or lower, began and she could feel the spirit of wonder in most ponies, the spirit of relief in the girl and Discord. But neither the Big Guy nor Tom were reacting, they simply were. Not even boundless curiosity flowed from them. Celly was concerned, but she'd ask later.

Without any disasters, any hiccups or slips, she closed the spell. As the lines of the inner circles and sigils faded, she relaxed onto the ground. She had regained all her size and power, and then some. Wittle Woona stood as proud and tall as she did, and then decided, as she also had, that lying down was the better option. Derpy preened her wings, apparently unchanged, although Celly knew better. Dinky proved the wisdom of youth by curling her tail around herself and taking a nap. Sapphire looked around with new eyes. She was no longer a princess, but a queen as powerful as an alicorn. Neither the Sphinx nor the Big Guy seemed different, she took Dinky's route, while he followed Sapphire's, looking at everything.

The first sour note formed as the flaming head appeared outside the containment. Celly tried to stand, but exhaustion had finally caught up with her, Woona, Discord and even Tom. She was stunned when Blueblood touched the inner wall of the outer circle, and directed the energy at the flaming head.

The girl let out a yelp as Blueblood with an actinic flash of light, once and forever banished the worm in her mind. Celly was going to congratulate him as her vision returned, when she realized the meadow she was lying in had no resemblance to the sports stadium, and that only Woona was with her.

"Whaaaaaa?!" Woona shouted as she shot to her hooves, only to totter and collapse a moment later, "Hppn?" she asked after spitting out a mouthful of grass.

"I think we have a problem," Celly said, "Besides exhaustion."

Trixie marched up to a horrified Blueblood. "Please tell me this is one of your 'Igor improvisations'," she said as the changelings stormed the field to buoy up their magna mater.

Blueblood glanced at the Sphinx and Hotaru who shrugged helplessly and proceeded to the filly they'd rescued. "I don't know what went wrong," Blueblood admitted.

Trixie facehooved. "They are going to kill us for this," she said.

"I certainly hope they can try," Blueblood said.

The implication descended on Trixie like a thunderbolt.

Discord looked down at the hard gray surface beneath him, then over at Tom. "Is this what I think this is?" he asked, peering close so he could make out the tiny Discord figure on Tom's surface.

"Yes," Tom replied.

"I love it!" Discord shouted.

The ice and cold weather was no worse than what they had been dressed for. Dinky clung to the ice and grinned. Derpy stretched out her wings and gave them an experimental flap. Then folded them back into her cold weather clothes. The Big Guy stood to stretch, and immediately dropped to the ground and motioned for the mother and daughter to do the same and remain quiet. The Big Guy carefully lifted Dinky over himself and set her beside Derpy as he mentally wrestled with the glimpse of what he'd seen, and where he remembered it from. My Little Pony, idiot, that's where you saw it, he told himself.

He motioned for the pair to stay put. Dinky had already taken shelter under her mother's wing as the Big Guy crawled along the icy surface. A short distance was a large crack in the ice that would let him get a better look without poking his head above the ridgeline. An absolute no-no when scouting.

He saw it, the huge mass barely visible under the sheet of ice. But if the ice is translucent, something is illuminating it from below, he thought. He hadn't brought binoculars, but the two immense patches of actual white amid the sea of white tinged purple suggested eyes. Open eyes. Whatever massive object it was it had either died with its eyes open, or it was awake.

He crawled back to Derpy. "We have to get out of her but staying low enough it can't see us," he said.

"It?" Derpy asked. Dinky snuggled against her mother, frightened, but trying to stay quiet and brave.

"Maybe it's a natural feature or a huge ice sculpture, but I'm not betting our lives on it." He scratched Dinky behind the ears to calm her down. "I'll take a look at the other side to see if there's a way down."

Derpy caught him with a leg. "If there's a long drop, I can fly us out of here," she told him.

"All three of us?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she told him, "This morning I couldn't have, but after the ceremony, I'm sure I can."

He nodded and crawled to the edge. There were other crags of ice, but in one place was a free passage down several hundred feet to the plains. He marked it and crawled back. "Right there. We should be able to make it," he said and unzipped his heavy overcoat to stuff Dinky inside. "Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely," she said as she crawled over to the launch site.

The Big guy got Dinky situated and seated between them as Derpy stuffed her coat under him and he sat on Derpy's back. He wrapped his legs around her barrel to clear her wings and wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Oh so that's what you feel like on my back," Derpy said seriously, then giggled. While the Big Guy grumbled, she leapt off the cliff. A moment later he clutched her tight as the ice wall raced by and the field of ice boulders approached.

She popped er wings out and they were racing along near the ground. She flapped occasionally as she built speed. She continued racing along near the ground, climbing ever so slowly. The Big Guy noted that despite the cold and the speed, there was no wind chill.

They flew that way for a while, then Derpy started climbing sharply. "Face forward and keep your mouth open," Derpy told them, "Breathe out through your nose."

The Big guy got Dinky situated so she could do the same as they climbed. He noticed the sky darkening despite the sun being visible in the clear sky. He decided not to mention that the air had remained comfortable and breathable during her accent and cruise. And that Derpy seemed able to fly that distance, at high speed clearly overloaded and unbalanced. He let her enjoy the flight and her feeling of protecting her foal and friend. He glanced back and could barely make out where they'd started from, but could see bits of the purple field through the ice. He kept the size of the target to himself for the moment.

Author's Note

(1) "Dunkle diener, schwebt für den Meister! Leuchte, Höllenschein!" 'Dark servants, float for the Master! Glow hell light!'
(2) "Ich war einst der gefährlichste Mann in ganz Deutschland!" 'I was once the most dangerous man in all Germany.'
(3) "Ihr seid in meiner Welt nicht eurer. Und ich hab Freunde im Schattenreich!" 'You're in my world now, not your world. And I got friends on the other side.'