Looking Lively

by SleeplessBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2485

"Figging...To treat a horse in such a way as to make the animal appear lively, as by putting a piece of ginger into the anus." — Imperial Dictionary of the English Language, 1883.

"Figging...To treat a horse in such a way as to make the animal appear lively, as by putting a piece of ginger into the anus."
— Imperial Dictionary of the English Language, 1883.

Posted as its own story by popular request.

With NEW BONUS ALTERNATE ENDING by FillyBlanks43

Published 2012-12-21 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-21 00:10:02 UTC

Mild Discomfort

Twilight hovered the strange object with her magic, spinning it slowly before her eyes.

It was simple enough – a piece of ginger root, carefully peeled, with one end curved to a soft point. All she could think of was corks.

"Well?" Rarity said impatiently.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Twilight said, not taking her eyes off the ginger. This was because looking anywhere but at the ginger would invariably mean her eyes would wander down, right in front of her, where Rarity's rump was positioned most indelicately.

"Twilight, please," Rarity said. Twilight could hear her eyes rolling. "I've read all about it. You have nothing to worry about – the worst anypony's said about it is mild discomfort."

"Mild?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Discomfort?" Fluttershy said from where she was almost hiding across the room. She clutched her glass of iced lemonade closer to her chest.

"That's right, mild. And if high society Manehattan mares can put up with it, I'm sure I can keep up." Rarity stuck her nose high in the air, giving Twilight a confident flounce of her tail. "Everyone's saying this is all the rage these days. I will not miss out."

"But if it hurts...?" Fluttershy asked, not quite stating the obvious.

"My dear, corsets hurt, do they not?" Rarity said.

Fluttershy nodded, barely getting it in before Rarity went on.

"And yet they look absolutely marvelous. On you, particularly, Fluttershy. Oh yes, you're blushing but it is so true. Sometimes we must endure some discomfort in the name of fashion's call, and I for one would never refuse."

Twilight darted her eyes down, where Rarity's tail was flicking back and forth across her target. She pulled up just as fast, staring at the ginger again.

"You really want me to...?" Twilight asked.

"Yes!" Rarity stomped a hoof.

"Isn't this kind of...?"

"...private?" Fluttershy whispered.

"...I couldn't see quite right by myself," Rarity admitted in a huff. She craned her neck back and forth, trying to look over her shoulders. "Not even with several mirrors."

Twilight gulped, loudly to her ears. "I mean... I don't know. There's friendship, and then there's... this?"

"Twilight, I asked you because you're my friend. I know I can trust you with this."

"I just never thought you would ask me to put anything in your..."

"Oh, like I've never caught you?" Rarity turned her fierce eyes over her shoulder, trapping Twilight. "That one time I walked in on you –"

"That was an experiment!" Twilight yelled.

"Oh yes, I remember now. Experimenting with the elasticity of the –"

"Shutupshutupshutup!" Twilight closed her eyes and shook her head. She opened them with new resolve. "Alright, fine! You want me to put this... uh... in you. Let's do this."

Rarity met her eyes – not fierce this time. Shining with nervousness instead. She took a deep breath and nodded. She glanced at the ginger, still hovering in a purple glow. "Ooh, that's... now that I look at it, it's not quite even."

Twilight felt the root pulled from her magic by a light blue glow, floated over to meet a paring knife hovering in front of Rarity. She shaved off a slight bit on one side, frowning in concentration.

"There! Much better!"

Not really. "No, it's kind of off near the tip now," Twilight said. "Here, let me..."

"Oh, careful! Ugh, you've ruined it!"

"It's fine!"

They tugged it back and forth, slicing tiny bits off. Twilight let Rarity take it back a each time – she knew that between the two of them, they could OCD anything to perfection.

"If you're going to do this awful thing," Fluttershy said quietly, huddled under her own wings, "You should stop stalling and just do it."

They both turned to her, more than a little shocked.

"She's right," Rarity said very ominously. "She's right," she said to Twilight, then positioned her rump again. She bent her front down, resting her chin on her hooves.

Twilight winced, snapping her eyes away. She held the ginger in her magic, feeling through her horn the soft, cool, fresh skin of the raw and peeled end next to the rough tough of the base.

Rarity pointed her rear right at her, lifting her tail.

"I really, really don't think this is a good idea," Twilight said.

"Duly noted," Rarity said. "Now just do it already."

Slowly, haltingly, Twilight forced herself to look down. Long tails usually covered this – and now here she was staring at... Rarity. Right in front of her.

She floated the root a little closer, gritting her teeth just at the thought. She could swear she could feel burning in her own hindquarters.

Rarity shifted, bringing her forehooves back to spread her cheeks, leaving her chin ungraciously on the floor. Sure, it was the immaculate carpet of her bedroom. But still. The floor.

Twilight gulped again. She could swear she was starting to sweat. Her heart pounded, inching that awful peeled root closer to her friend's very sensitive places.

"Don't stare!" Rarity said indignantly, her cheeks flushed quite a bit.

"You told me to!" Twilight snapped. "I have to see what I'm doing!"

"Well you're just staring," Rarity said.

"Fine! Fine, going... going... n–" Twilight couldn't bring herself to quite finish that sentence. She glanced over at Fluttershy – their pegasus friend was covering her eyes with her hooves, solemnly bowing at their dark ritual.

Twilight cringed pitifully – the horrible root was hairs away from its goal. Silently, she counted down.

Okay, okay. Go. Just go.

Three.

Two.

ONE.

"Eeep!" Rarity jolted the moment it touched her, and Twilight pulled it away immediately.

"I'm sorry!" Twilight yelled.

"Oh!" Fluttershy said, still hiding. "Oh my!"

"It's fine!" Rarity yelled. "Just cold. Do it, already!"

Twilight steeled herself up. This is it this is it just do it.

With one swift push of her magic and a brighter glow of her horn, she did.

She felt Rarity jolt again and then tense up, letting out a low whine as Twilight gently pushed it in, as quickly as she dared.

She let go as soon as she could, and Rarity let go as well, letting her cheeks sandwich the offending object in place.

"There. Is that okay?" Twilight asked quietly – she felt like washing her horn, and she hoped it didn't show in her voice.

"...Fine!" Rarity said, in a tone of voice that sounded very not-fine. She slowly, shakily stood up on her hooves again, not moving her rear half an inch.

Twilight stared, unable not to – the uncut end of the ginger root was sticking out of Rarity's... well...

Out of her derriere, was probably how she would put it.

"Is it over yet?" Fluttershy said, peeking over her hooves.

"Over? Why, it's just begun!" Rarity said, her voice high as a tightrope. She haltingly took a few steps, turning for them with her perfectly, fashionably raised tail. "Doesn't it look marvelous?" she said through grit teeth.

Twilight cringed out an answer, and she saw Fluttershy doing the same.

"It looks... uh... good?" Twilight said, still feeling a peculiar phantom burning in her behind.

"It's... nice?" Fluttershy said.

Rarity shuffled in place, her backside quivering visibly. Her tail lashed, stuck upright like a showpiece. "I bet I look positively wonderful," she said, her eyes tearing up. "Twilight, could you be a dear and hold that mirror up for me?"

Twilight cocked an eyebrow – there was a small mirror right there, sure, but there was also the full-length one across the room. She held up the small one anyway, not really showing Rarity any of her display.

"Oh, it looks perfect!" Rarity said anyway. her voice was clipped, strained, her whole body tensed to breaking.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Fluttershy asked.

Rarity tried to shake her head no and ended up jittering it around instead, her front hooves stomping quickly on the rug.

"Do ponies really go out wearing that?" Twilight asked.

"That's..." Rarity said breathlessly, whining under every word. "That's... what I've... what I've read, Twilight." Rarity stared at them, looking back and forth, shaking more and more with each passing second. "Oh, this will be a sensation," she said, her teeth grinding. "Why, I shall... I shall..."

Twilight and Fluttershy leaned closer as Rarity trailed off – she looked like she was about to burst.

And then she did.

"IT BURNS!" she yelled suddenly, howling up at the ceiling. "OH IT BURNS IT BURNS TAKE IT OUT!"

"Oh my gosh!" Twilight yelled.

"I knew it! I told you!" Fluttershy yelled, crouching behind her lemonade.

"IT BURNS IT BURNS TWILIGHT DO SOMETHING!" Rarity screamed, dancing frantically in place.

"Hold still! Darn it, hold still!" Twilight yelled, trying to run around to Rarity's constantly shifting backside.

Rarity dropped, holding a mean joke of her former pose, desperately prying her cheeks apart and waving around in the air. Twilight grabbed the root with her magic and pulled, hard, but instead of the intended effect, she merely dragged Rarity a few inches over the carpet.

"OH MY GOD WHY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Rarity screamed.

"I'm sorry!" Twilight yelled.

"I'm sorry!" Fluttershy yelled, hiding her eyes again.

Twilight concentrated through all the racket, gently easing the ginger out – it felt like pulling the thing out of a vise.

"Hurry! Hurry Hurry HURRY!" Rarity whined.

"There! Out!" Twilight grinned in triumph. She almost dropped the root, but held it up – probably not something Rarity wanted on her rug.

"Oh no no no it still burns!" Rarity ran in a tight circle, tapping on the edges of her hooves, her eyes frantic. "HELP! HELP ME!"

"What do I do?!" Twilight yelled.

"Panic!" Fluttershy yelled. "I'm panicking!"

"I don't know it burns it burns oh whhhhhhyyyyyyyy?!" Rarity whined, sobbing and blubbering.

"Wait!" Twilight tried to run in several directions at once, still doggedly and delicately holding the soiled ginger. "Where did you read about this? What does it say?"

"I don't know!" Rarity flopped onto the floor, yanking on her own mane and writhing around in pain. "Cold water! I need cold water!"

"Where?" Twilight said, suddenly drawing a blank on the Boutique's floorplan.

"IN MY BUTT, YOU IDIOT!"

"No, I know, I meant –"

Aha!

"Bathroom!" Twilight said.

"I can help!" Fluttershy screamed. Wildly, she dumped her glass of lemonade out, splashing Rarity's behind with it.

Time froze. Even Rarity's hysterics halted momentarily – the icy yellow drink was splashed everywhere, all over Rarity's immaculate coat and carpet.

"That's going to leave a stain!" Rarity growled, glaring daggers at Fluttershy. Then her eyes went wide as she remembered how much pain she was in. "Ow ow ow ow ow OW!" She yelled, clambering around the room randomly.

"This way!" Twilight said in a panic, throwing the door open and dashing down the hall in what would've been a very heroic and clear-headed manner if she hadn't crashed into a table covered in pictures and knick-knacks and ended up tangled in a pile of what was left of said table.

She came to a stop upside down – maybe? Her head spun, her shins and elbows still numb where pain was about to creep in.

Wait... where's the root?

"Oof!" Twilight yelled as all the wind was stomped out of her chest. Rarity ran right over her as she fled down the hall, and then Twilight heard a door slam so hard that it swung back open.

Then she heard running water.

After untangling herself from what was left of the hall table, Twilight crept down to the bathroom.

Rarity was sitting with her rump in a tub rapidly filling with cold water. She was sweating, and her makeup was running, and her mane was all in tangles, and she basically looked a mess.

Twilight sat down just in the door. She cleared her throat.

Rarity looked up at her – glaring. Not really at her. Just glaring.

They sat like that for a few seconds, just listening to the running water. Twilight heard hooves and she knew without looking that Fluttershy was peering around the doorframe, probably just one eye sneaking into view.

The three of them sat like that for a few more seconds, Rarity sitting with her arms crossed in the grumpiest manner possible.

Finally, in a low and hoarse voice, she spoke.

"...What is wrong with Manehattan ponies?" Rarity grumbled quietly.

Alt Ending

BONUS ALTERNATE ENDING
by FillyBlanks43

Twilight steeled herself up. This is it this is it just do it.

With one swift push of her magic and a brighter flow of her horn, she did.

She felt Rarity jolt again and then tense up, letting out a low whine as Twilight gently pushed it in, as quickly as she dared.

Rarity remained frozen in her undignified position, her eyes squeezed shut as she panted quietly against the luxurious carpet.

"Rarity...?" Twilight stared at her friend, her eyes full of concern. "Is... are you... okay?" Rarity opened her mouth as if to reply, but let out a low moan instead. Her eyes shot open and Twilight actually saw a hint of embarrassment there before Rarity closed them again and turned her moan into a dainty cough.

"Fine!" she rasped.

"Oh... okay. Are... do you need... Can I help you up?" Twilight's eyes slid over to where Rarity's hoofs were still grasping her cheeks, noticing the quivering of her flanks for the first time.

"No, no, I'm quite –" Her speech was cut off by a loud pop, and quickly replaced by a hysterical scream as Rarity dropped her hooves from her cheeks and covered her mouth in horror. From her vantage point in the corner of the room, Fluttershy peeked through her wings in time to see the ginger root shoot out of Rarity's backside and smack right into Twilight's forehead. She let out a squeak and immediately hid her eyes again. A second later she heard a quiet splash and felt something cold and wet on her hoof. She peered around her feathers just long enough to see the offending root now floating in her lemonade. Fluttershy stared at the glass, Rarity stared at Twilight, and Twilight... well, Twilight just stared.

"Oh, dear... I... I am SO sorry." Rarity spoke quietly between her hooves, her eyes still wide in horror. Twilight slowly turned to look at her friend, her eyes glazed and unfocused. "Twilight? Twilight, please say something." The purple unicorn was still for a few more seconds before her eyes slowly regained their focus on her friend. Rarity saw a mixture of disgust, rage, and panic in her big purple eyes and flinched involuntarily.

"You..." Twilight started, her voice cracking. "You... YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR BUTT ROOT!"

"Heh..." Rarity laughed nervously, her cheeks turning noticeably pink, "just the price one pays for fashion, dear!"