Chaos and Espionage in Las Pegasus

by sparklepeep

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2677

Twilight Sparkle has been sent to investigate the crime bosses of Las Pegasus. What is a high stakes mission is made even more stressful because all her friends are crazy.

Suspecting the owners of the largest casino in Equestria of organized crime, Princess Celestia has sent Twilight Sparkle and her friends to Las Pegasus for a low-key, hush-hush investigation. Twilight Sparkle's friends are not very good at low-key, hush-hush operations.

Written for the Las Pegasus Unicon fanfic competition. Very loosely based on Casino Royale in that it involves casinos, spies and violence.

Published 2012-12-21 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-21 03:30:01 UTC

Chaos and Espionage in Las Pegasus

"Oh, Twilight, I'm so marvelously pleased that you brought me along on your little jaunt. I was skeptical at first, of course, I mean a desert is the worst possible kind of nature. But who knew such a fabulous gem existed in the middle of all this... sand!"

"Rarity, could you stop talking for a minute and help me fight off these security guards?"

"Oh, but how could I, while I'm carrying all these delicate decorative items," Rarity pouted as she lifted one of her two small shopping bags up, "these lovely trophies of our victory over chaos and entropy?"

Twilight Sparkle, in the middle of firing off a magical blast, ignored Rarity as she magically pulled out a golden decorative pegasus and adorned it with adorable little kisses. The blast launched one of the Mounted Corral Casino Resort Limited Contracted Safety Providers into one of the giant, gem encrusted golden cupcakes lining the Chocolate Corral Buffet. The other guard did not hesitate---he didn't like his coworker much anyway---and made a leap towards the slightly off-white unicorn, knocking the pegasus trophy off her hooves and into the largest chocolate fountain in Equestria.

"What is your problem," Rarity fumed at the pegasus, "I won that statue fair and square!"

The guard ignored her and proceeded to swipe at her other bags.

"If you insist, ruffian," Rarity sighed as she used her magic to tie her assailant up with the nearly endless supply of red carpet in the luxurious casino halls.

"Rarity, we're here to investigate claims of fraud and foal play on behalf of the Princess! We're not suppose to be making a big scene by cheating at card games and causing massive property damage!"

"Twilight! Not you too! I am an honorable lady. Ladies do not cheat," Rarity pined, a little wounded.

"You were counting cards."

"What? Of course I did! Did you think I was Applejack? I love fancy mathematics. It's fancy! Besides, what's this property damage you're going on about?"

Twilight raises a hoof at the scene behind Rarity. The two security personnel were struggling against pastry and upholstery, while the buffet staff scrambled around broken dishes and upturned chairs. Meanwhile, children and Pinkie Pie were trying to lick the chocolate and frosting splashes off of every possible surface. Old ponies sitting by nearby slot machines stared at the chaos instead of feeding the mechanical contraptions with even more of their pensions, causing the casino and its investors about 40 bits per minute. Worse still, with one piece of carpet ripped out, the place no longer looked fabulous.

"Oops. Well, I hope Rainbow Dash had better luck keeping a low profile."

"Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah AJ?"

"What in the hay were you doing going all in last round?"

"I always go all in! No guts, no glory!"

"We were sup-posed to be playin' the long game! We're distractions for Twi' 'an Rarity!"

"Well, I distracted them when I bet everything, didn't I?" Applejack could see Rainbow's smug face even though they were tied up facing opposite directions in a dark room. "Besides, I wouldn't even have the chance to do that if somepony would just bluff and not fold every single hoof!"

"Ah can't lie, RD, Element of Honestly, remember? Just ain't proper."

"Well the way I remember it you were always pretty lousy at being honest."

"And you kept lettin' us down, Element of Loyalty. Pot callin' kettle black much?"

"Oh yeah? You wanna piece of loyalty? In your face?"

"You can't even hit an apple in a cider barrel!"

"You're so on."

It isn't easy fighting in the dark. It's even harder when you and your opponent are tied up back to back in an unlit storeroom for causing a scene at Equestria's highest stake poker table after losing a million bits that the Sun Princess provided you so you could use it in a plan to steal some top secret documents from a head of organized crime in the nation's most heavily guarded casino. However, with friendship, nothing is impossible. As the two ponies struggled to land a blow on each other, their bodies contorted and knocked various cleaning supplies off the shelves. Eventually, inside the chaos of plastic squirt bottles hitting improperly dried mobs, they heard a snap.

"Did we just break the rope and freed ourselves?"

"Ah reckon we did."

"We. Are. So. Awesome. Hoofbump?"

Slap.

"Applejack? That was my face."

"I wonder why more security guards haven't shown up to kick us out yet. Any ideas, Rarity? Rarity? Can you please stop looking into the gilded mirrors in the hallways? Why are there gilded mirrors all over the place anyway? Why are casinos so weird?!"

As the two unicorns slowly made their way down the hall towards the inner sanctum of the casino it became clear to Twilight why no guards have been near them. It seems that all the guards were diverted to the other end of the gigantic resort. For good reason, as the closer Twilight Sparkle got to the Grand Ballroom the more screaming and cussing entered her ears. Rarity tried making a grand entrance into the ballroom (as a lady should always make a grand entrance into a ballroom) but she was nearly smacked on the face by a flying security guard. She decided to perhaps skin the formal introductions and just let Twilight push her behind an ornate pillar.

The unicorns poked their heads out from behind the marble structural support to see their two friends fighting what seems to be a small army of changelings. The nearly identical looking contracted security providers all wore matching uniforms and sunglasses, presenting their client's corporate identity in unison. They were also rebuffed in unison by the punches and kicks of a furious orange earth pony. "This is all your fault!" was her battle cry, though it seemed less directed at the endless waves of guards and more at the blue pegasus hovering above a pile of broken glass.

"Well, I suppose this is a kind of dancing. For ladies such as Rainbow Dash and Applejack anyway. A little too rough for my tastes."

Twilight Sparkle was horrified. Not only were her friends fighting off a stream of creepy, identical looking pegasi, they were doing it in a room full of broken glass! Yet from her horror came a brilliant idea: one that would solve both problems at once. Taking a deep breath, Twilight let loose a wave of magic that swept up the nearly uncountable number of glass shards up from the floor and gently arranged them into a wall between her friends and the offending pegasi. Slowly she let the barrier of crystal blades surround the guards, herding them into a corner of the room.

"Hey Rarity, can you give me a hoof and help me weave the glass into a lovely, decorative tapestry?"

Seeing the chance for her artistic skills to shine---again---Rarity gladly added her own levitation skills to Twilight's effort. The shard of glass began to interlock themselves into a sheet. If anypony can weave broken shards of shiny crystal into a blanket, it would be the most skillful weaver of Ponyville, Miss Rarity herself. Though it looked like a piece of fabric, it was by no means cuddly. The shards still proved deadly to anypony foolish enough to snuggle up to it. Twilight picked up a few pieces of debris and plopped the crystal blanket over the confounded pegasi like a tent. One of them tried to move his prison, but then let out a loud cuss as his hoof touched the newly re-purposed chandelier. None of the others tried to follow suit.

"Good one, Twi."

"Rainbow Dash, what the hay were you doing? This is supposed to be a covert operation! The Princess---"

"She tried doing a sonic rainboom indoors, that's what she did," Applejack interjected, "broke everything in the room and got us surrounded by 'em fancy-dressed rent-a-cops!"

"Hey, we were supposed to be distractions---"

"Oh the Princess is going to... wait a second, Rainbow Dash, the plan was that Rarity and I would be the distractions at the blackjack table and you and Applejack would sneak into the VIP clubhouse to find---"

"Um, no? AJ and I were the distractions for you two. I mean, who would trust me to sneak around anyway?"

"Wait, so if you were the distraction, and we were the distraction, then who was doing the sneaking?"

Just as Twilight finished her sentence, the four ponies heard a high pitched yet soft and adorable scream from a few rooms over.

"FLUTTERSHY!"

Fluttershy wasn't quite sure that the dangerous mission outfit Rarity made her would be the best disguise here. After all, there weren't any bunnies in the desert, so dressing up as a bunny in Las Pegasus just would't work. Besides, it didn't even have holes for her wings. Yet Rarity had insisted, and she had to make her friend happy. So she tried to sneak through the casino floor by hopping from potted plant to roulette table, keeping a low profile that was made even lower by her inability to stand up tall under stress. Of course, she didn't really even need to try. All the eyes and cameras of the casino staff were on the four ponies wreaking the buffet line and the ballroom.

"Can I help you, pony?" said the thing that Fluttershy's head was bumping against.

The yellow pegasus looked up and saw a haze of smoke. Beyond the smoke came the grating voice and face of a dog with a sharp jawline and a rather simple mind.

"Di-di-di-diamond? Dog?"

"Eh, yes, we're Diamond Dogs. What is pony doing in Diamond Dog room?"

Fluttershy looked around. Through the haze of the smoke she noticed that she managed to make her way out of the glittering casino and into a smoky back room. The door behind her read "AUTHORIZED CANINE ONLY". Around her, she heard the growling sounds of several very hungry dogs.

Legs shaking, Fluttershy knew that she only had one chance to escape. Luckily for her, Rarity had included several utility pouches filled with emergency dangerous mission gadgets for situations just like this. So Fluttershy shoved one hoof into the pouch containing the flash bomb and pulled it out. As hard as she could, she shoved it towards the face of the nearest Diamond Dog.

"Cupcake?"

Oh no, Fluttershy thought, Pinkie replaced all her gadgets with pastries. Again.

"Um... um... um... would you like a cupcake?" Fluttershy whimpered.

"Hey boss," one of the Diamond Dogs said, "I think she's one of them bunny mares that deliver food and drinks to us VIDs."

"Oh yeah, she does look like a bunny."

"Yes, yes sir, Mr. Diamond Dog! That's me! I'm a bunny mare! Delivering cupcakes to you very important dogs!"

"Ah, great! I'm starving," the Diamond Dog said as he snatches up the cupcake Fluttershy offered him.

"Hey I want a cupcake too!"

"Don't worry, Mr. Other Diamond Dog, I've got plenty of cupcakes."

That she did. Pinkie Pie had diligently placed at least two emergency party pastries in each of Fluttershy's many pockets. Considering how many pockets Rarity put in to the outfit, even a band of Diamond Dogs were satisfied with the feast.

"Ah, good bunny mare. Those cupcakes tasty."

"That's great, um, Mr. Diamond Dog, um, sir. So if you don't need me to do anything, like delivering secret incriminating evidence to the other room full of Diamond Dogs for you, then---"

"Yeah, pony smart. That's a good idea! Here," the Diamond Dog said as he handed Fluttershy a stack of scrolls, "take these to other room. Then when Canterlot ponies come we can blame other Diamond Dogs!"

"Wait, Boss, we the only Diamond Dogs."

"Really?"

"Really."

By the time they realized what happened, Fluttershy was already in the next room hiding behind a vase.

"Help! Girls! Help!"

"Hang on, Fluttershy!"

Without her wings, Fluttershy was forced to hop along the floor as the three Diamond Dogs chased after her. Not that her wings would make her go much faster. Rainbow Dash, trying to show Applejack that she was indeed loyal, lept into the fray and knocked the dogs off balance.

"Fluttershy, are you okay?" Twilight asked as she grabbed Fluttershy with a tendril of magic.

"Twilight I got the secret documents they're in my pockets and the Diamond Dogs are chasing me and oh no Rainbow Dash is going to hit us---"

Despite Rainbow's strength, the Diamond Dogs were easily able to overpower her and toss her into the other ponies. Secret incriminating evidence flew everywhere.

"Wow, Fluttershy, this is great," Twilight exclaimed as she caught glances of the flying scrolls, "the Diamond Dogs are in fact guilty of everything Princess Celestia suspected them of being guilty of!"

"So let me get this straight," Rainbow Dash said, "you're reading scrolls while I'm being tossed into the air by burly Diamond Dogs."

"Yes, Knowledge is important."

"And that we're in a casino built with money three bad guys made from organized crime, and it's been emptied save for us and the bad guys because we set off every single alarm possible ten minutes ago?"

"Yes, Rainbow, but I don't---"

"Great! I've always wanted to do this!"

"Do what---"

She could not finish her sentence on account of interruption by a trail of rainbowed-colored tail and a very, very concerned Applejack.

"If RD's doin' what ah think she's doing," Applejack said, very seriously, "we should get outta here faster than a chicken chased by a headless pony."

Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy ran out of the casino at a full gallop. It nearly wasn't enough. They could feel the building shaking and tearing apart behind them as they ran for safety. If Twilight hadn't stopped to pick up all the scrolls maybe they would've felt safer, but Twilight Sparkle is not a mare who would let any scroll be left behind in a collapsing building. It wasn't until they were quite a bit down the Las Pegasus Strip that they stopped and looked back.

A familiar rainbow streak flew out of the top of the Mounted Corral Casino and Resort, followed by an even more familiar shockwave of rainbows and destruction. What was once Equestria's largest house of gambling and maretinis was reduced to rubble in a mere second. Fluttershy tried to hide behind a vase, but was unsuccessful since there were no vases now that she was outside. Rarity instinctively put up a forcefield so her manestyle would not be touched by the sonic rainboom. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack could only stare in awe of the spectacle: the world's first indoor sonic rainboom---also possibly the world's most reckless and dimwitted sonic rainboom.

"Ah reckon Rainbow Dash just did 'bout ten million bits of property damage."

"Princess Celestia's going to send me back to Magic Pre-K."

"Is the scary noise over yet?"

"Oh, it's always about you, isn't it," Rarity moaned, "what about me? My shiny golden pegasus is in that pile of rubble---"

As if Celestia heard Rarity's complaint, Equestria's Largest Chocolate Fountain landed right next to the four ponies. Despite having been blown into the sky by a sonic rainboom, it was still functional and full of chocolate. Suddenly, but not surprisingly, Pinkie Pie popped out of the record-setting dessert dispenser with a chocolate-covered golden pegasus statue in her hand.

"Look what I found," Pinkie said as she licked the chocolate off the statue, "isn't it pretty?"

"On second thought, I don't think I quite want it anymore."

And so, once again, the adventures of our six friends come to an end with Rainbow Dash intoxicated by her own awesomeness, Fluttershy whimpering and hiding under her hooves, Twilight Sparkle trying to figure out how horribly she had failed her assignment, Pinkie Pie licking chocolate off her hooves, Rarity showing incredible disdain at how uncouth everything it, and something about Applejack's hat and the sunset.