Hitmare

by Happycamper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Comedy
Length: 7018

Rainbow Dash is ruthlessly pranked as part of an evil revenge plot. The Mane 6 try and find the hitmare and the mastermind.

For the past few days, Rainbow Dash has been on the receiving end of the most brutal pranking streak ever to hit Ponyville. The identity of the pony behind it all is a mystery, as is the identity of the hitmare prankster.

Coincidentally, this pranking begins shortly after Rainbow has crashed into Twilight's library and sent her books flying everywhere for the fiftieth time this month.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-22 16:50:59 UTC

Balloon in a Box

Rainbow Dash wasn't used to getting visitors. There were certainly plenty of fans and admirers in Ponyville, no doubt about that. Plenty of ponies liked her. She could clear the sky faster than any other pegasus, and she helped around the town on the rare occasions that she was awake or not practising new tricks (taking care to remain out of shouting distance from Applejack, who would only ask her to help with the apple harvest or watering the trees, and that was so boring.)

And yet now, for the first time in months, Rainbow could hear somepony tapping on her door. She cautiously approached her front door, unsure about how these things work.

"Hey! Who's...there?" Rainbow asked as she flung wide the door.

Before her lay nothing but open sky, and the rolling hills of Equestria below.

Oh, and a big pink present, wrapped with a large yellow ribbon.

The bright blue pegasus looked around, poking her head beneath the clouds and searching the sky for any indication that anypony had been there. Nothing. Everywhere seemed eerily quiet.

Taking another cursory glance at the present, she spotted a little card tied to the ribbon. Rainbow opened it and read:

From your secret admirer.

It was written in the most ridiculously loopy hoofwriting she'd ever seen. Egghead stuff. It all made sense now! A secret admirer! Poor thing. Must have been too shy to speak to her themselves, so they left a present! Of course, it must be pretty difficult to work up the courage to talk to the greatest flier in all of Equestria.

Rainbow Dash squealed with delight. Hopefully whoever it was would introduce themselves soon. It was always nice to meet a new fan.

Maybe their present to her would be a clue! Ooooh, this was going to be awesome!

Eagerly, she pulled the lid off the box, and was caught in the face by a water balloon, which exploded all over her. The pegasus leapt into the air before she realised that her wings were now too sopping wet to work properly, so she came crashing down into her front porch again.

Rainbow shook herself and flapped her wings a few times to try and get some of the water out. Her mane was in her eyes and it was practically impossible to see, but within the box she could spy a perfectly-placed spring.

A spring-loaded water balloon in a box? There was only ONE pony in Ponyville who could pull off a stunt like that.

And, added Rainbow as she blew her mane out of her face, walk on clouds without being a pegasus.

"Pinkie Pie." she muttered.

* *   *

The weather was predictably perfect in Ponyville that day. It was only a few days since this year's Winter Wrap-Up, and the sun was shining more brightly than it had done in months. There was nowhere for a bright pink pony to hide around here. As Rainbow soared over the town, she peered into every corner and behind every building like a hawk searching for prey.

Well, she wasn't out in the streets. That much was clear.

Rainbow landed just outside Sugarcube Corner and poked her head inside the stable door. Only Mr and Mrs Cake were at the counter.

"Oh, hi there Rainbow Dash! What can I do for you?" Mr Cake waved.

"Sssssh!" she hissed back, opening the door as quietly as possible and sneaking up to the counter. The Cakes stared at her.

"Is Pinkie Pie here?" Rainbow whispered.

"No dear, I haven't seen her all day." Mrs Cake smiled nervously.

"Interesting..." Rainbow stroked her chin with a hoof, and backed out of the shop. "If you see her, you come straight to me, got it?"

"All righty then!" Mr Cake said, keeping an incredibly fixed smile on his face. When the pegasus was well and truly gone, he turned to his wife.

"Did she have a whole bandolier of water balloons on her back?"

"I think she did."

"Oh...good."

And without another word, the couple decided that perhaps now would be a good time to close up shop for the day.

Vantage Point

Twilight Sparkle snapped her book shut in frustration. She'd just settled down this afternoon to get into her most fascinating academic journal yet (Number Crunch the Equestrian Accountant's Memoirs... it's interesting, trust me) and she was being interminably interrupted by crashes, screams and other such cacophony.

"SPIKE!" Yelled she, turning around and storming down the stairs into the main library. "I'm going out for a few minutes! Watch the treehouse!"

And with that, she cantered off into Ponyville.

* *   *

Six vials, six exotic coloured liquids. Atop a roof somewhere in Ponyville, a mysterious mare held one up to the sunlight. A smile crossed her face as she carefully placed it back into her padded briefcase, satisfied with its quality. Indelible inks. These would do nicely indeed.

The Employer had equipped her well this time.

Selecting a vial at random, the mare emptied the dye into a cartridge, which she slid into the barrel of a gas-powered long rifle. Light glinted off her sunglasses and scope as she lay down and took aim, searching for a very particular pegasus amidst the population of Ponyville.

Spying her target zooming low over the ground, leaving rainbow contrail lines, the hitmare's smile widened even further. She made sure to lead the target, keeping the pegasus in her sights through all of her various twists and turns. It was important that she hit Rainbow Dash and nopony else.

Nopony else deserved it.

Bracing herself against the recoil of the rifle, the hitmare squeezed the trigger.

* *   *

"RAINBOW DASH!" Yelled Twilight, galloping down the street and conjuring a massive baseball glove into existence, catching  the pegasus with a great thud. Her bandolier of water balloons was launched off of her, sailing through the air before landing squarely in a passing Bonbon's face. A moment later, there was an explosion of dye on the wall of a nearby house, followed by loud cursing from off in the distance.

Twilight vanished the baseball glove and stood over her prone friend, tapping her hoof sternly on the dirt road.

"Uh, hey Twilight." Rainbow Dash grinned up at her. "I don't suppose you've seen Pinkie Pie around here?"

"No. No I haven't." Twilight smiled with more than a hint of madness. "What I have seen - or rather heard - is a ridiculously noisy pegasus who's been flying all over Ponyville and interrupting my studies! Does that sound familiar, Rainbow Dash?" she finished, pressing her muzzle right up against Rainbow's. The little blue pony recoiled.

"I...may have been making a teeny bit of noise." she grinned innocently.

Twilight scowled.

"But it's not my fault!" Rainbow added, jumping to her feet. "Pinkie Pie got me with a spring-loaded water balloon this morning! I've been searching for her everywhere, but she's not at Sugarcube Corner, or Fluttershy's house, or Sweet Apple Acres, or the Town Hall, or the..."

"BREATHE, RAINBOW!" Twilight interrupted loudly.

How are you supposed to tell that she's suffocating anyway? It's not like I can tell when she goes blue in the face. Twilight thought to herself.

"You didn't have to go to all that trouble." she explained patiently. "I saw Pinkie head up to Carousel Boutique this morning. I haven't seen her leave since then, so she's probably still there. Now will you calm down?"

Rainbow Dash took a few deep breaths and collected herself.

"Thanks Twilight. I'll try to keep it down a little more." she said, running her forehoof through her mane apologetically.

"Just be more careful, okay?" Twilight asked, and with that, she teleported away.

Rainbow Dash had just enough time to fully process what Twilight had just said, when she was struck in the flank by a paintball cartridge full of dye.

"PINKIE PIE!"

Pink Herring

Rainbow Dash didn't bother slowing down to burst through the door of Carousel Boutique. The door was removed from its hinges and launched into the back of the room, leaving her standing in the centre of the shop, snorting and panting, her face a mask of rage.

Rarity turned away from her fidgeting model, giving Rainbow a look of deepest annoyance.

"Can I help you?" She said coolly.

"Yeah, yeah you can." Rainbow replied. "Where's Pinkie Pie?"

"You're paying for that door, you know..."

"Quit stalling! Where is she?"

"Where's who, Dashie?" came a voice from the next room, a voice that Rainbow knew all too well. Zooming past a protesting Rarity, she kicked down the door and tackled her evil nemesis.

Well, she tackled a dress mannequin, but in all fairness, it was quickly subdued.

"What, where...?"

"SURPRISE!" squealed Pinkie, dropping down from the ceiling and nearly giving her friend a heart attack. Before Rainbow could react, the hyperactive pony had her in a bone-breaking big hug.

"Did you miss me? Huh? Did ya?"

"PINKIE...CAN'T...BREATHE..." choked Dash, flapping her wings to try and escape Pinkie's death grip.

"Oops, sorry!" Pinkie giggled, letting go and sending Dash straight into the ceiling..

Pinkie frowned as Rainbow hit the floor again, groaning and getting to her hooves groggily. "What's the matter, Dashie? You seem kind of distracted, and you're looking at me the same way that those nice ponies did when I wouldn't stop following them around and telling jokes!"

Rainbow launched herself forward, tackling Pinkie to the ground. To her surprise, the pinned pony was smiling again.

"See? That's more like it! Now, what's on your mind?"

"What's on my mind?" Rainbow fumed. "WHAT'S ON MY MIND? How about the pranks that you've been playing on me this morning? Does THAT ring any bells?"

"Nope!" Pinkie smiled.

"Don't play innocent with me, Pinkie Pie! I know it was you who loaded that water balloon into that fake present, and it was you who turned my flank bright pink on my way here!"

"What?" asked the little pink pony, confused.

Rainbow rolled her eyes, and turned to the side, revealing a large splatter of pink dye where her cutie mark used to be. Rarity clapped a hoof over her mouth, stifling her laughter. Pinkie paid her friend no such courtesy.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Rainbow yelled.

"Listen, Rainbow my darling." Rarity said, still giggling slightly. "Well, when you find the pony that did that, tell them that I really like their choice of colour, but Pinkie's been with me all morning, haven't you Pinkie?"

"Sure have! We've been trying on hats!" Pinkie smiled.

"What? YOU've been trying on hats?"

"Oh, certainly!" Rarity leaned closer "I told her that I'd compensate her with candy if she modelled for me."

Rainbow Dash stepped back, allowing Pinkie to get to her hooves.

"So if you weren't pranking me, then who was?"

* *   *

Rainbow Dash trotted out of Carousel Boutique, deep in thought. Pinkie Pie was the only other prankster in all of Ponyville, if it wasn't her doing it, then who was?

"Let's see, Pinkie and Rarity were both trying on hats all morning." she thought aloud. "I can rule them out. It's got to be somepony who was angry with me recently, but who?"

She carefully considered the last couple of days, taking off and nestling down on a cloud to avoid the laughs of the townsponies as they spied her bright pink flank.

"Well, I did kind of sneak up behind Applejack and set off a thundercloud." Rainbow thought, chuckling to herself. Applejack's face had been priceless.

"...and I may have freaked Fluttershy out when I jumped out at her yesterday."

...but Fluttershy wasn't known for being vengeful. Most of the time, anyway.

"Well, I guess I did crash into Twilight's library and ruin some of her books...again."

Rainbow suddenly froze stiff.

"You know, Twilight did show up at a pretty convenient time, and stopped me just long enough for whoever got me with the dye to make their move. I bet that she's the one behind all of this!" Rainbow clapped her hooves together in triumph.

As the bright blue pegasus dashed off towards the treehouse, a mysterious mare stood atop a nearby shop, light glinting off her sunglasses. She smiled to herself.

This would be of great interest to The Employer.

And with that, she was gone, vanished from the rooftops.

Twilight Sparkle: Prankster Extraordinaire

Twilight closed her book again.

Usually there was nothing in the whole world that could stop her from reading a book cover to cover, save some new breed of life-threatening disaster appearing in town as it so often did. This time, Twilight was held back by one thing: guilt.

"Spike?" said she, her voice slightly shaken.

"Are you okay Twilight?" her little dragon friend asked, concerned.

"I'm worried about Rainbow Dash. What if I've been too harsh with her?" The unicorn swivelled around on her stool to look Spike in the eye.

"Oh." Spike's expression hardened somewhat. "Honestly, after her little stunt with the Library last week, I'd say that you haven't been harsh enough with her."

"But she's my friend! That accident wasn't entirely her fault! Nopony was hurt in the crash..."

"...except Rarity." interjected Spike. "And Carrot Top, and Scootaloo, and..."

"I know!" Twilight threw her hooves up in the air. "I know, okay? It's just...she's my friend! She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, no matter what she's done!"

"So what are you going to do about it? I mean, she's still zooming around all over the place even after what you did today!"

"I'm not sure. I guess I'll just have to keep on doing it until she gets the message." Twilight sighed. "Still, it doesn't feel right."

"Not all ponies can be reasoned with. Sometimes it's okay to give them hard lessons to make them change their ways."

There was a crash from downstairs, and the unmistakeable sound of books tumbling from their shelves, punctuated only by the rhythmic "Ow! Ow! Ow!" of the pegasus upon whom they were landing.

Spike gave Twilight a look. "See?"

"I know!" Twilight cringed at the sound. "I'll handle it, okay?"

And with that, she got up and galloped down into the main library.

There was no way that anypony could have wrecked the shelves THAT BADLY by accident. In the centre of the library floor lay a mountainous pile of books. Torn and scattered literature was everywhere, piled high atop a little blue rainbow pony who was spitting out pages of Equines and Demons.

Twilight's eye twitched slightly.

"Spike," she muttered, not looking away from the chaos, "I take back everything I just said."

Rubbing her head, Rainbow looked around as the room came back into focus.

Wow. she thought. I really made a mess this time.

Spying her foe atop the staircase, she was airborne again, landing right in front of Twilight and glaring at her.

"I know what you've been doing! There's no point in hiding it from me!"

"Look Rainbow, it wasn't my fault. A lot of ponies..." Twilight began.

"NO! My flank is bright pink because of your silly pranks!"

The unicorn shook her head. "Sorry?"

"Don't play dumb with me! You're terrible at playing dumb!" Rainbow ranted on. "You've been pranking me to get revenge for that time I crashed into your library, haven't you?"

"Okay." Twilight took a deep breath. "First, you destroyed a very expensive bookshelf and nearly got a lot of ponies hurt! Rarity was in a cast for a week! And don't get me started on all of the books that were lost, ruined or just plain unaccounted for!"

"Not my fault if Rarity can't get out the way." Rainbow pouted.

"Second!" Twilight went on, deciding to ignore that excuse for an excuse. "I have NO idea what you're talking about! I've been sitting in my study all morning, trying to read!"

"Then how do you explain THIS?" Rainbow took flight again and turned to the side, very pointedly gesturing towards her dyed flank.

Twilight made a face. It was somewhere between shock, anger and amusement, as if she'd just tasted something incredibly sour. She knew that she wasn't supposed to laugh at this...Rainbow was her friend, and it was also important that she tell her off right now.

That was pretty funny, though.

"Listen R-Raiinbow Dash," she giggled. "I wouldn't even know where to begin pranking you. That's...I'm sorry...that's more your thing, or Pinkie Pie's.

Rainbow glared at Twilight even more determinedly. She backed off slightly, half-expecting to burst into flames.

"I'm onto you, Twilight Sparkle." Rainbow said slowly. "I know it was you, and when you slip up, I'll be ready...oh yes, I'll be very ready."

As Rainbow Dash backed out of the Library and shot off towards her house again, Twilight shook her head and chuckled a little more about that short but amazing encounter. It had been surreal, though she was kind of getting used to that being the norm in Ponyville.

"Um, Twilight," said Spike nervously. "What just happened?"

"I have no idea. I can't begin to think why she'd accuse me over Pinkie. I mean, they're both meant to be the prank masters around town!" Twilight shrugged.

"So you're sure you didn't have anything to do with it?" Spike grinned and elbowed his best friend knowingly.

"Now come on Spike." Twilight cracked a massive smile as she walked back into her study. "If I had had anything to do with it,  I'd have had a book about how best to prank a pegasus, but that was one of the ones that wasn't accounted for after Rainbow's little accident, wasn't it?"

As she made to sit down again, her forehoof hit something leather-bound. Curiously, Twilight levitated a book from under her desk and held it up to the light.

"Pranking a Pegasus: Over 1000 Amazing Pranks and Tricks that'll keep you amused for days" the title read.

Twilight chuckled again.

"Well, would you look at that."

Home Improvement

As the sun began to set over the Equestrian landscape, casting streamers of brilliant gold and deep pink across the sky, a little pony stood atop Rainbow Dash's house, painting feverishly. She held a can of whitewash in her hoof...it was important that all of the exterior be bright white.

Her ear twitched at the telltale jet-engine roar of an approaching pegasus. She looked around to see one particular blue rainbow pony zooming back towards her home, clearly exhausted by all of the charging around and interrogating that she had done that day.

The Hitmare grinned. There was no way that she would uncover the identity of The Employer by simply zooming around and accusing ponies randomly. There was a finesse to interrogation, something that that poor mare would likely never understand.

As Rainbow Dash passed a cloud bank, she could have sworn that she saw a pony atop her house. It was staring right at her, silhouetted against the sunset. It was impossible to tell who it was.

She shook her head and looked again. The mare was gone.

Must've been my imagination... Dash thought to herself. At this time of the day, she couldn't seem to bring herself to care about those pranks or who was behind them. Right now she just wanted sleep.

As she touched down on her front porch, Rainbow could already tell that something was wrong. The clouds felt harder and less fluffy than before. The pegasus paid it no heed.

I'll find out who did it tomorrow... she thought to herself, as she gave a single flap of her wings, launching herself skyward in order to properly crash on her bed.

Rainbow could tell that this was a mistake as she was in mid-descent. There was something about how the clouds in her room were starting to spark that tipped her off. She wanted to flap her wings, wanted to stop before she hit her bed, but sheer fright kept her wings firmly stuck to her flanks.

This must be what Fluttershy's like all the time... Rainbow thought dully, accepting her stormy fate.

* *   *

Down in the shadows below, a pony peered over her sunglasses at her target's house. She straightened her tie and popped in a pair of earplugs in preparation for what was to come.  It hadn't been easy, replacing all of the clouds with stormclouds and painting everything white, but by Celestia it was worth it. She'd fallen for it!

There had been a tense moment where Rainbow had almost spotted her, but no matter. She had clearly either not truly seen her, or she simply didn't care by now. Either way, it was going to cost her.

The Hitmare pushed her shades back up her muzzle and pulled out a stopwatch. She glanced for a moment at Rainbow's new and improved house, and then at the countdown...any moment now.

There came a muffled squeak from its interior, before the entire house lit up. Every window, doorway and skylight was a brilliant white, the interior a mass of lightning. The whitewash melted off of the house in only a few seconds, revealing a vaguely house-shaped collection of stormclouds. Any pegasus with her senses about her could have told the difference, but Rainbow Dash had been completely exhausted from chasing pink and purple herrings all day. She could never have forseen this.

A second later, the thunder followed, and the low rumble echoed across the valley like the final note of an orchestra. All that was left was a smoking, gently sizzling house of clouds.

* *   *

Rainbow lifted a shaky hoof, and pushed open her front door. It fell off its hinges.

The little pegasus pony groaned as she struggled out onto her front porch. There was a dull buzz of static in her ears, and a tingling sensation all over her body. Only when Dash had crawled outside and looked down into the pond below her house did she see what she had become.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" she shouted to Equestria in general.

Her mane, tail and coat were all standing on end, creating the illusion of a little blue ball of spiky fluff with rainbow highlights and two fluffed-up wings.

"Great! I look ridiculous!" Rainbow said to herself. "What's everypony gonna think if I walk into Ponyville looking like this?"

There came a muffled giggling from behind a nearby bush. Dash peered carefully, and spied a pony behind a pair of shades looking straight back at her.

The pony began galloping away back to town, clearly startled.

"HEY! COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE..." Dash began, but as she tried to take off, her fluffy wings failed to support her, sending her plummeting down into the pond with a big splash.

A few bubbles appeared on the water's surface. A little reed popped up, leaving a little wake in the pond as it zoomed towards the shore. A moment later, Rainbow Dash pulled herself out of the muddy pond and spat out her makeshift snorkel out.

She looked around, trying to find where her assailant had galloped off to. She was gone. Of course she was.

Rainbow groaned again. Her mane, coat and wings were all soaked through. She tried shaking the water off experimentally, and ended up just as fluffy as before for her efforts. She knew that she had to go and find somewhere to stay for the night, and that she also needed help looking like her awesome self again. There was only one pony in all of Ponyville who could help her on both counts at such short notice...

"I guess this means a sleepover at Rarity's." she sighed.

This had really not been her day.

Sleepover at Rarity's

"Listen darling, I'm not trying to argue the matter. I just fail to see how that's paper."

Pinkie made a face at Rarity.

"How can it not be paper?" she replied, flustered. "Look, if you hold you hoof like this, it's paper, and if you do this you can make scissors!"

The unicorn raised a hoof to her mouth in shock at the abomination against all things anatomical that Pinkie had just committed. Fortunately, she was distracted by a knock on the door.

She shook her head and peeked out the window to see who it was.

"Oh ponyfeathers, it's Rainbow Dash!" she yelped. "And she looks simply dreadful!"

"Ooh, she's not going to knock the door down again, is she?" Pinkie smiled. "We only just got it back up again!"

"Yes, and we could do without ANOTHER rendition of "Raise this Door," thank you very much." Rarity sighed. The sole saving grace about Pinkie's little musical number about putting the door back together was how short it had been.

"Good evening, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity smiled, flinging the door wide dramatically. "It's quite all right darling, I understand that you couldn't keep yourself away from my wonderful boutique! Now, how can we help you?"

"Somepony wrecked my house." replied Rainbow groggily. "Don't know who it was...they're gone now...can I stay with you for the night?"

Rarity pouted as she looked her friend over critically.

"Well," said she, after a cursory inspection, "I suppose I can spare a bed...I mean, Pinkie and I were going to have a slumber party tonight anyway, and Sweetie Belle's away at the hospital with her little friend, but we simply must do something about your coat and mane!"

"That's the other thing I was going to ask you." Rainbow said as she half walked, half-crawled inside. "Is there any way you can fix this mess?"

"I might have a couple of ways to fix that. Ooh, we can do makeovers! It'll be so much fun!" Rarity clopped her forehooves together in excitement.

Pinkie and Rainbow exchanged a worried glance.

"Right! Who wants to go first?" Rarity gave a wolfish grin.

Pinkie pushed Rainbow Dash forward and shot off up the stairs.

"Oh dear...it's quite all right, Rainbow Dash. I'll catch her in a moment. For now, you definitely seem to require my services quite urgently. How did this happen, anyway?"

"I can't even begin to tell you! First somepony went and put a water balloon in a fake present, and then I got my flank dyed, and then my house got replaced with stormclouds! I mean, what the hay is going on?"

"Hmmm, it sounds like you have quite the prankster on your case, my dear." Rarity pouted as she started brushing Rainbow's mane and coat back into shape. I don't suppose you got a good look at them, did you?"

"Only once - OW!" Rainbow winced as Rarity tried to brush out a knot in her mane. "It was a mare, no doubt about that, and she had the weirdest sunglasses on! And she had this weird hat and tie! I've never seen anypony who looks like that before!"

"No sign of a cutie mark or anything? Hmmm, that couldn't be one of my clients, could it?" Rarity pulled out a mane straightener and got to work on Rainbow's tail and mane. "I do recall that a few pairs of my new sunglasses went unaccounted for when you knocked down my door today. Perhaps somepony swiped them then, but who?" The marshmallow unicorn frowned. "You're still paying for that door, by the way. Because of you, Pinkie sang a song. I don't think that you fully understand the gravity of what you subjected me to!"

"I'm - OW! Careful with that!" Rainbow scowled. "Look, I'm sorry about your door, okay? I'm sorry you had to put up with...whatever Pinkie Pie did! Right now though, I need you to help me find out who's doing this!"

Rarity pouted again.

"Okay, fine." She said. "If you'll help me chase down Pinkie, then I'll help you chase down your prankster. Do we have a deal?"

"Heh, no problem!" Rainbow grinned, spitting on her hoof and holding it out to Rarity. "You've got a deal!"

Rarity stared at Rainbow's dripping hoof, disgusted. "What is it with you ponies?"

* *   *

Pinkie Pie was hiding in Rarity's end cabinet. It turned out that it was a little bit too small for a full-grown pony, so she'd had to throw out all of its contents and kick the bottom out of it. Now she was a totally inconspicuous end cabinet, tiptoeing along on bright pink hooves. Pinkie grinned. What a flawless disguise.

The door snapped open, and she grabbed Rarity's diary off the floor. It might be fun to find out about a few of her crushes while she waited for everypony to give up searching for her and make smores.

"Wow..." whispered Pinkie to herself. "Rarity really likes Fancy Pants." She whistled under her breath.

This was getting boring. She'd already been sitting here for twenty seconds! How long was it going to take for everypony to forget about her?

Suddenly, she smelled a certain smell. It was an unmistakeable aroma, one of Pinkie's absolute favourites...

"S'mores." she hissed to herself.

It was a trick. Of course it was a trick. Nopony started making s'mores without her! Not for long, anyway. They were so irresistible, and chocolatey and marshmallowey and delicious...

"Nope! It's Rarity and Rainbow Dash! They're trying to trick me into coming downstairs!" Pinkie said to herself. "I'm just going to stay up here and wait for them...to finish...all...the...s'mores without me...oh horseapples."

She grimaced as the smell became even more pungent and irresistible. There was a certain way that Rarity made them, an attention to detail that made them as beautiful as they were delicious.

Well, thought Pinkie, Maybe if I'm really quick, I can get one or two and escape back up here before they catch me! Genius!

The little pink pony, lodged inside her newfound mobile home, crept down the stairs and into the kitchen. She could see Rarity through the cabinet's keyhole, toasting marshmallows...delicious marshmallows...

"Oh my! I really do wish that Pinkie Pie were here to enjoy such amazing s'mores!" Rarity crooned. "I guess I shall have to enjoy all of them myself! What a pity!"

"It's a trick, Pinkie! Keep it together!" she whispered to herself.

"Well, here we go then!" Rarity lifted one of her signature perfect s'mores up with her magic.

Pinkie grabbed her mane with her forehooves as the delicious treat was levitated towards her unicorn friend.

"It really is a shame..." Rarity grinned, and took a bite.

Pinkie made a very loud sound between a squeak and a groan.

"THERE SHE IS!" Rarity laughed, as Rainbow dropped down from the ceiling and grabbed the cabinet. A moment later, Pinkie exploded out of it, zooming up the stairs as nothing more than a bright pink blur.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" she screamed, as Rainbow Dash gave chase, barely able to breathe for laughing.

The little earth pony darted up the stairs and into Rarity's room again, zipping around to try and find somewhere to hide again. Under the bed? No, too obvious. Up the chandelier? No, Dashie would find her in two seconds if she hid there. Pinkie clutched at her mane again in fright, galloping into the far corner as Rarity and Rainbow Dash appeared in the doorway. There was nowhere to hide.

"No!" She yelped, as the two ponies approached her. "Not a makeover! I'm fine, really! Can I have a s'more instead? No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Counterintelligence

"Oh, this is going to be a marvellous challenge!" Rarity smiled, grabbing a quill and notepad off of a nearby desk. "Now then, why don't you tell me all about this prankster of yours?"

"Is this really necessary? Can't you just untie me for a teensy bit?"

"That depends. Are you going to run up the stairs and hide again?"

"Y...yes?"

"Then you can stay there. We've got a lot of work to do." Rarity laughed, not unkindly, as Pinkie struggled against the bedsheets that had been used to tie her to a chair. "So then, Rainbow my dear, what do we know for sure about this prankster of yours? Anything at all!"

"Well, I think it could be Twilight." Rainbow said slowly. "Whoever she is, she can walk on clouds! I mean, she messed with my house!"

"I guess that means that she's some kind of pegasus, doesn't it?" Rarity tapped a hoof on her chin as she scribbled furiously.

"Yeah, or somepony who knows the walk on clouds spell!" Rainbow fumed. "I'm telling you, it was Twilight! She's had something against me ever since I busted her library!"

"Bear in mind that that crash did put a few ponies in hospital, and you wrecked Twilight's copy of Commentaries on the Equestrian Xarxes or whatever it was."

"So what? She's got, like, four of those books!" Rainbow protested.

"They're antiques, dear. You really do have to learn to be more careful around ponies' things when you're practising tricks, you know!"

"I know, I know..." said Rainbow dismissively. "Look, can we get back to who's doing this?"

"Oh certainly!" Rarity shook her head and started intently scribbling again. "So we have Twilight as a possible suspect...fascinating. Who else could it be?"

"Well...it might be Fluttershy instead," Rainbow admitted. "or Applejack..."

"Or me!" put in Pinkie. Rainbow and Rarity ignored her.

"So what you're telling me," Rarity frowned, "is that all of your friends are potential suspects?"

The blue pegasus nodded, not looking her in the eye.

"I...see..." Rarity fought back an outburst. "Well, I said I was going to help you, and that's exactly what I intend to do. Now, let's think about this. Fluttershy wouldn't take much persuasion before she told you, and Applejack can't lie...I mean she really can't lie...she's terrible at it. That leaves Twilight as the one who would stand up to interrogation the longest, but I think I can help with that..."

Clump...clump...clump...

"Of course, she's intelligent, so she'll likely see through it if we try to trick her into telling the truth. I wonder if we can get her to confess some other way..."

Clump...clump...clump...

"I bet Spike would tell us if something's going on, though!" Rarity grinned. "I bet he'd spill the beans if we offered him a few choice gemstones!"

The unicorn's horn glowed, idly pulling Pinkie, who had been trying to escape by hopping away on her chair, back to where she started.

"So do you think there's a chance we can get the dirt on Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked excitedly.

"Trust me," Rarity smiled kindly. "when we get Spike to talk, her whole game's going to be laid bare, and her pranking days will be over!"

"Great! So how do we get Spike away from Twilight so we can talk to him without her finding out?"

"I was just getting to that. It's going to require some finesse, grace, careful timing! It may also involve a gem on a fishing rod." Rarity added, reluctant to ruin the mystique of her grand plan.

"Ha! I love it! When can we start?" Rainbow Dash leapt into the air with excitement.

"Well, we can do it tomorrow when we've all rested properly. Until then..." Rarity looked around at Pinkie. "We can always give each other makeovers."

"Um, no thanks! I'm really super-okay, honest!" Pinkie grinned widely as the two mares advanced on her, hairbrushes raised. She struggled fruitlessly to escape her chair. "No, I really don't need a makeover! Makeovers are for girls! No! Noooo! GUMMY! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEE!"

Dragon Hunt

It was the crack of dawn, and Rarity was watching her clock intently.

"Come on Pinkie! You've been in there all night! Can you at least come on out now?" Rainbow asked.

"NO!" came a squeak from inside the cabinet.

"Rarity, you haven't got any more cupcakes, have you?" Rainbow asked the white unicorn. She raised a hoof to shush her.

"Just leave her in here, Rainbow darling. We're going to need her to pop out at just the right time if we're going to make this work." she said absently.

"What is it with you and that clock anyway?" Dash turned  on her friend.

"Well you see, at precisely six twenty-seven, Twilight will be coming out of her house with Spike in tow." Rarity said. "At six thirty-three, she'll pass by my front door on her morning errands, give or take a few hours if she finds something interesting in the paper."

"I'm not waiting two hours to find out if she's behind it!" protested Rainbow. "Wait, how do you know so much about what Twilight does in the morning?"

Rarity waved away her friend's question, focussing on the front door of the library. "Very well, Rainbow, when Twilight comes past here..."

"I know, I know. We distract her, and then I grab Spike. We've been over this."

"Very well then. Wait for my word..."

She ducked behind the windowsill as she spotted the two friends leaving the library together, coming this way...

"Right...wait for it...now!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes, and opened up the cabinet.

* *     *

"...and then we have to stop by the quill store and pick up my new order. Did you get all that, Spike?" Twilight asked as she trotted along, pulling the tired little dragon along by his tail.

"Yep, quills...got it...whatever..." Spike muttered back.

"Oh, and then we have to stop by the hospital and bring Scootaloo her get-well-soon card..."

"Yep...Scootaloo..."

"And then we've got to..."

Twilight's incessant listing was interrupted by a loud bang. Spike suddenly leapt to his feet, startled.

"Wha...Wha?" was all he could manage. Spike, master of macho repartee in the face of danger.

"Come on Pinkie, get...out...of...the...cabinet." came a vaguely familiar voice.

"NO!"

"PINKIE! OUT!"

There was a crashing sound, that of a minor kerfuffle within, and then that of a mighty buck. Twilight stood, confused out of her mind, as a cabinet came sailing through the air towards her. Stranger still, it exploded and disgorged a bright pink...thing. She was sure that it was Pinkie Pie, or at least vaguely Pinkie shaped, but it was...neat and...elaborate. Whatever the thing was, it was launched out of the wrecked cabinet right into Twilight's face, sending her day planner...and Spike...flying high into the air.

Pinkie, her mane and tail mercilessly straightened and embellished with ribbons against her will, shot off in sheer terror, pursued by a perplexed and furious Twilight, while pages scattered around the front door.

"All right Dashie, you're up!" Rarity smiled. Rainbow nodded, shooting out of the door and intercepted the plummeting baby dragon, shooting back into the Carousel Boutique. Rarity slammed the door, leaving only a quiet and curious scene of gently floating pieces of paper and broken splintered wood in the ponies' wake.

* *    *

"So, who's gonna be good cop?" Rainbow asked, once they had Spike securely tied to a chair in Pinkie's place.

"I'll be good cop. You can be bad cop."

"Me? Why do I have to be bad cop?"

"I just think that it suits you better, dear."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"I meant nothing by it. Now then, shall we get started?"

"Fine."

A light clicked on, shining in Spike's face.

"You know you guys are my friends, right? You don't have to go to all this trouble for me."

"Quiet!" Rainbow yelled. "We know Twilight's behind the pranks! Admit it!"

"Okay. Twilight's behind the pranks." he shrugged. "Can I go now?"

"Well, that was easy, wasn't it?" Rarity started.

"Just a minute!" Rainbow raised a hoof and peered at Spike suspiciously. "Why give up so easily, huh?"

"I dunno, so I could leave?" Spike tried to hop out of the chair, accidentally unbalancing himself and falling to the floor.

"Untie him, Rainbow. We've got a confession. What more do we need?"

"What else is Twilight up to? What's she gonna do next?"

"I dunno. She doesn't really tell me what she's up to." Spike dusted himself off as Rarity removed his bonds. "She pretty much just writes everything down in that planner, then tells me what I have to do. Not much else to it."

"So it's all in that book that Pinkie wrecked?" Rainbow scratched her chin pensively, before zooming out of the door.

"Gotta be here...gotta be here..." she rummaged through the scattered paper. "A-ha! What's this?"

One page in particular had caught her eye, a certain suspicion surrounding it that Rainbow wasn't quite able to pin down.

Perhaps it had something to do with way it had been entitled "EVIL PLAN" that had been bolded and underlined several times.

Scooping the paper off of the road, she examined it. It read:

Everything is going according to plan,

Miss "Oh-Look-How-Great-I-Am fell for my water balloon trick this morning. I couldn't keep myself from laughing at the look on her face! It was just too perfect!

Of course, then she started flying all over the place, accusing everypony and making a complete racket. I mean, even I was irritated by her behaviour, and I'm usually calm and collected!

Rainbow took a moment to frown before continuing.

Of course she came and accused me, but not to worry. I had a perfect alibi in place! I'll probably reveal myself to her...eventually...but first I have to get my revenge properly, to make her very sorry indeed for what she did. Over the next few days, I shall escalate the pranking...my personal Hitmare has proven quite cooperative - not to mention capable - and she'll serve me well until Miss Dashie decides to apologise. I'm sure it won't take long. She's not as tough as she thinks she is.

"Oh really, huh?" she snarled, picking up another piece of paper at random.

10.00am: Visit Scootaloo in hospital. We've got to talk about Rainbow.

"So THAT'S your little agent, is it?" Rainbow Dash scrumpled the paper up and threw it over her shoulder. "Well, I'll get to her first, and then we'll see who's Miss Oh-Look-How-Great-I-Am!"

And with that, she took off towards the hospital, leaving only floating paper in her wake.