Dying to Get There

by That One Guy

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 1741

You've died, and before you stands Death - but, as you've dreamed, he's a pony. Adventure is all but bound to ensue.

So maybe you stayed up a little bit too late with your friends watching reruns of season 2.
So maybe you drank a little too much alcohol.
So maybe you took a little tumble down that cliff after flying out of the pickup truck.

Fortunately, Death looks unmistakably like a pony.
Watch out Equestria, here comes [your name]!

(Inspired by all the 'oops I died but hey cool now I'm in Equestria' stories.)
(Image courtesy of Hereticalrants on DA!)

Published 2012-12-21 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-21 19:30:01 UTC

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Your eyes flicker open, and you sit up, swiveling around in surprise. You could've sworn that you just...

You look down.

Oh. Ew.

Okay. So you're dead. What now?

You sit there for a moment, spectral torso floating out of what could once be described as your physical one. You were dead.

Holy shit you were dead!

You just know that if you had the urge to breathe, you'd be hyperventilating like mad at this point. You were dead! Gone! Kaput!

All of your family, all of your friends - even your loving little pet! You'd never see them again, never hold them, never hug them...

... Never have to look after them...

... Or feed them...

... Or lend them money after falling out of the dorm window for the fifth frigging time...

...

You're dead! This is great!

All of your burdens! All of your responsibilities! All gone!

You float out of your poor old body, feeling like a million bucks. You rocket upwards, unable to feel the wind surge past you but enjoying the sensation of flying immensely - it was just like you had always imagined.

You take a look around, eyes locking fast onto the nearby mountain town that you had called home for all seventeen years of your life. Immediately, your spectral eyes narrow and deviousness forms within.

You're invisible, intangible, and seemed perfectly capable of free movement. Think of all you could do! Think of all you could see!

You make a beeline straight towards your ninth grade crush's house. You briefly wonder what they wore at...

You check your fully functioning watch.

... Five A.M. Perfect - only an hour until shower time...

All of a sudden, your ghostly self comes to a grinding halt. You try to move, yet you find that not even the strongest of commands would allow you to move even a single inch. What sorcery was this?

You turn against your will, and begin to float right back the way you came, back to your body and away from your objective. You feel kind of annoyed, but whats a ghost gonna do.

Sooner than not, you're floating serenely above your body, wishing you could pull out your iPhone and play some various spinoff of Angry Birds - but alas, your hands refused to budge towards your transparent jeans.

Ten minutes later, you come to the conclusion that your soul - that you just now had began to appreciate - would be anchored to your deceased body for all of eternity. That just sucks.

Fortunately, with a sudden and jarring crack in space, a glowing blue rift in the air pops into existence, the sound of ominous pouring out. Little bolts of energy zigzag around, occasionally popping from the portal and phasing through surrounding matter. Then, slowly, an ornate, skeletal scythe tip begins to poke through the hole.

Meanwhile, you feel your heart racing faster than it ever had. Well, it seems to be - in reality, you're actually just imagining the beating and smashing against your chest, partly because it was what you grew up with whenever interesting things happened, and partly because humans are just weird like that.

You're torn between deciding this is the coolest thing ever, or the scariest one.

Meanwhile, the entire, bladed edge had crossed through the rift, and the long, bone-decorated hilt pushes through. More and more of the tool came through, until finally, after a jarring crack as the hole in reality slams shut...

The blade exited in its entirety. It was a breathtakingly detailed piece of work, and almost looked as though the razor-sharp, bone-colored blade was growing from a long, twisted spinal cord. But that was it. There was no ominous figure, no voice from beyond... Just a cool-looking scythe.

You feel kind of dissapointed. No fun afterlife? No scary Death avatar? Being dead was a lot less exciting than you had been planning on.

Suddenly the scythe did a large spin in the air, narrowly missing your face, before pausing and beginning to turn counterclockwise rapidly. You have the unimaginably strong urge to leap backwards, yet your body doesn't listen.

As the thing accelerates, its very shadow seems to elongate and stretch, changing shape, until a black mass was lying, crumpled, on the ground. One second. Two seconds. It stands, and you regain bodily control.

As your first act, you let your jaw hit the rocky ground with a little 'thunk'. The second, you rub your eyes. But no, Death personified stood before you, gripping the scythe in a glowing, white grip...

And it was a pony. A skeletal one with an obscuring black robe nevertheless, but it was really and truly a pony! Just like FIMfiction had always told you!

You float giddily from side to side, akin to how you hopped from foot to foot when exited and you thought nobody was looking. With eagerness that didn't really surprise you, you clear your throat and talk to the figure.

"I'm ready to go!"

The skeletal pony, gripping the scythe in its telekinetic grip, gives you a puzzled look. As he speaks, his voice is just as awesome as you could ever imagine: as rough as tooth scratching bone, yet as smooth as pebbles in a stream at the same time.

"... Do you have any idea where you're going, human?"

Ohyourgodhecalledyouhuman! Just like in that one fanfiction!

You compose yourself, trying not to seem too eager.

"I have some idea, yeah." You state, already planning the route you'll take through Ponyville - preferably with a start at Rarity's, because she's the one you have the biggest crush on. You briefly wonder if ponies had compatible genetic material, like in the ones with the babies, or incompatible ones, like in the ones with the adopted babies.

Death raises a metaphorical eyebrow. "Judging from the look on your face, I'd say you haven't the slightest idea."

AWWH he was right! You were thinking you'd come in as a pegasus, just like in your most favorite favorite HiE, but it was clearly deeper than that. You sit down on your mangled corpse, grabbing your chin in a thoughtful pose. Death looks even more confused, and he shrugs to his scythe, which gives a wobble of its own, as if to say 'idk bro' or some frightful, half-broken english equivalent thereof.

'Maybe I'm going to go in as a changeling. Though that would be a bummer - as much as I love shapeshifting, I'd have to go through all the effort of defeating some giant controlling force with as much influence over me as McDonald's has over the food market...' You think, trying to tap a foot on the ground yet giving up when it phases through, 'Ooooh or maybe I'll be a zebra. I haven't read many zebra HiE's - because really, if you replaced 'human' with zebra and 'earth' with 'zebra-land', most of the fanfictions would work just as well, if not better, and nobody likes to think about the stupidity of that - but I'm sure it'd be an interesting adventure to make my way over to Equestria and grab a chunk of spotlight for myself...'

"Um, guy, I think you're really overthinking this-"

"Quiet, Death!" You snap, annoyed that the embodiment of demise was interrupting your thought processes. You've never thought this long and hard on anything before, and you're excited to consider what came next. 'Oooh, but what if he means 'Alicorn'? That would be annoying, I bet I'd get into stupid adventures and have everyone love me - not that thats a bad thing - but it wouldn't be a very good adventure, because I'd obviously just beat the odds without any physical suffering on my end...'

Death shakes his head as if to clear it, pony skull flapping about in his hood. "Okay, I really don't think you're getting the picture here, guess I'll have to lead..." He grumbles a bit, "... Again..."

"Alright!" You exclaim, leaping to the air and grinning broadly, "Lead the way!"

"... Don't you have a final request?"

Your smile never falters. "As much as I'd like to specify, I know that no matter what I get to be, I'll manage to find my own way, capture a heart, and live happily ever after. So, as far as final requests go, all I'd like is to start at Rarity's house."

Death gives you the weirdest look ever.

"I... Have absolutely no idea what you just said." He admits, raising the scythe, "As it stands though, that last request doesn't really apply, so I'll just see you off. Have a happy afterlife, human."

Waaaait, "Wait, I thought I went through a portal or something to get to Equestria, not the Scythe," You say, gazing at the very pointy tip aimed right at you, "You're a pony, after all, don't you just transport me there, somehow?"

"... Human, I take the form of whatever you expect me to look like. And, while I find it odd you haven't chosen the skeletal man as most others do, that doesn't change the fact you're moving on." He explains, still holding the weapon ready, "I'd say heaven, though maybe you'll go into 'slightly blessed'. Anyway-"

Your jaw drops again. "But, but... I did everything right! I'm a teenager! I died in a moronic way! I'm a bron-"

Schwing goes Scythe.

Death stood there for a moment more as you ascend, shaking his head. After a moment, he opens up his rift and trots back in, though not before shaking his head one last time at your lifeless body.

"Bronies. I'll never understand them..."

Author's Note

Okay first 'The Delicate Art of Changeling-Finding' and now this, all in under a day each.
If only I could willingly get off my lazy, LoL-playing bum ('Xaviertrix' on there, shameless self-game-plug :D) and write, I'd be a much happier guy :x (on vacation right now, internet too weak to play).
But, alas, this should do for now, up until I get my next one out. Hopefully soon!

Anyways, hope you enjoyed, I secretly poured a lot of my annoyance at all the 'dies-stupidly-then-revives-as-pony' stores into this one, and it felt amazingly therapeutic.
Also, second-person present-tense is a nightmare. A horrible, never-ending, living nightmare. Please point out any mistakes :x

As always, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed :D