"Well, the world's coming to an end, and we're out of fucking vodka." snorted the only sober pony in the room, which was me, assuming that Jujube had a few drinks before she fell asleep. "Just when I decide I might drink some." a pastel purple mare with a short orange bob chuckled drunkenly, staring in the general direction of me. I thought she was staring at the stairs for a second. I was confused as to whether she was drunk or high. It's honestly hard to tell with her. "Alcohol is worthless as shit, Peach..." slurred the still giggling drunkard. "It'd definitely be an improvement!" the mare burst out laughing, hitting her hoof against the ground in humor. I laughed sarcastically and made some weird scratching noise with my hoof by sliding it against the ground, causing Peach and the other four to cover their ears. Now that everyone was settled down, it was my turn to say something that was falsely supportive, like every other piece-of-shit speech the rest had given.
"Alright, so now that we're all drunk and acting like complete shit sticks, let's talk about our past." Everypony in the room groaned besides Jujube, who was fast asleep on the stairs. Since everyone in the room was a total asswipe, I had no choice but to start. "You guys remember that time when Copper here tried her first shot of whiskey?" I asked, a distinct tone of malicious pleasure in my voice as I seen Copper Wire blush. I hate that son of a bitch slutmonger. She managed to get me in bed with her at the bar once, and whoop-dee-fucking-doo, there was another stallion in bed at the time. The slut-mongering whore god, being beside me, punched me directly in the side of the head like the arse she is, then pushed me on to the ground. "I'll kill you, you bastard!" I decided to make a snappy remark about her, which probably wasn't the smartest idea. "Kill me? Knowing you, you'll fuck me and leave me on the street you drunken bitch!" Okay, that seriously pissed her off. She grabbed me by the throat and began to choke me. Yes, she began to choke me mercilessly as she made a psychopathic laugh or some shit.
After that, I decided I'd clock her in the face, teach her a lesson. Also a bad idea. She then proceeded to grab the empty bottle of Iceberg and smash the bottom of it off of a table, creating a sharp weapon. I felt like I was a fucking goner there, before Starburst came in and bucked him into the wall. So, there we were, the most sad, pathetic group of losers in this worthless town of fire and brimstone (not to mention cocaine), hitting each other for past actions. You'd think we'd be hugging or whatever, but being that fuckass Copper was there, we weren't. So, then, we continued on bitching about each other until someone decided to do something. Finally a smart one! Oh, nevermind, it was Gem. "Enough fighting you asslickers! The Princess is coming!" Then, we all basically freaked the fuck out and super-cleaned the room, trying to present ourselves as good subjects. When we were all done, we bowed to the door and waited for Princess Celestia to walk in. Of course she decides to put a hole in the wall instead. Fuck the monarchy. Following behind her was Princess Cadance, but no Luna. Probably because she was the one that caused this apocalypse. Not like she hasn't tried to cause one before...
So anyway, Shitslurper Celestia gets away with breaking my wall and barges in on our conversation as we all bow to her for some reason. She raises her head high, and shoots some magic through my roof. Break everything, will you? In front of us appeared this large magic box. How did we determine it was magic? By looking at the fact that she shot a hole in our roof and the box fell from the sky.
The Princess lowered her head and looked down at us. "Greetings, all of you." All this ruckus happened to wake up Jujube, who screamed "Shut the fuck up, Princess of the Shitlords!" and then went back to sleep. Jujube, she was the worst of us all. Celestia's fucknuggetry continued as she suspended Jujube in a magic bubble and tossed her out of a different hole. I'm going to sue that shitgiblet for all she has when I'm doing writing this.
