A Shining Example

by Shakespearicles

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, Sex
Length: 9253

Before Shining Armor was Captain of the Royal Guard and spouse to Princess Cadence, he was just an ordinary big brother. But when the love of his youth proves not meant to be, he vows to be the very best stallion he can be to prove his worth.

Before Shining Armor was Captain of the Royal Guard and spouse to Princess Cadence, he was just an ordinary big brother. But when the love of his youth proves not meant to be, he vows to be the very best stallion he can be to prove his worth. Years later he succeeds, and he is a shining example of a pony. So why does he hate himself so much?

Published 2012-12-22 10:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 03:10:11 UTC

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay

Shining Armor walked into the Golden Oaks Library. It was his sister, Twilight's, residence. She was sitting at her table reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled. Shining felt his chest get tight. She put her book down and greeted him.

"Hey Shiny! What brings you here?"

A tear ran down his cheek. To hear her voice after so long. Just to hear it. He tried to speak, struggling to find the words.

"I- I just came- to say..." He tried to catch his breath, the pain in his soul was unbearable. He'd sooner take a knife to the gut. "I just wanted to tell you... I'm sorry."

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Shining Armor roused from his dream to the sound of the radio he had left on. He had nodded off in his chair again. His cheek was still moist, he dried it with the fur of his foreleg. His usual neatly styled mane was a ragged mess, plastered to his scalp with sweat. He looked down at Ponyville from his balcony, high above in his Canterlot suite. The sun hung low in the evening sky, painting the horizon in great swirls of reds, and pinks and orange as the light faded into twilight.

Twilight

He levitated his glass of Applejack Daniels Cider to his mouth and took a deep swig. He used to take his cider on the rocks. Before that he would mix it with a molasses seltzer. But with each passing year his tolerance to the cider's burn grew. Now he didn't bother with mixers or ice. He just drank it straight, at room temperature. The pain of the burn suited him well, he felt. Pain he felt he very much deserved. His face barely winced as he finished the rest of the glass.

He thought again of Twilight. Since their last meeting all those years ago, not a day had passed that he did not. His chest hurt. His heart ached. He loaded a brass round into the ancient revolver on the table and spun the cylinder until it wound down to a quiet click. He lifted it to his temple.

CLICK

He didn't flinch. He didn't even blink. Shining simply sighed, disappointed, "Not today..."
For the better part of the last decade, Shining lived his life believing that it could end at any moment, and that the only tragedy- was that it didn't. He unloaded the archaic weapon and placed it back in it's drawer, locking it. He poured himself another glass. It was going to be another hard day's night.
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From the day Shining Armor moved out of his parents home, he was a pony with something to prove! In secondary school, his grades would have gotten him into any Equestrian university he wanted, but he chose to serve instead. Even then in the military, he was the top of his class at the academy. In a couple short year after graduating, he found himself promoted to Captain of the Royal Guard, and even knighted by the Princess Celestia herself! It was the most powerful position a non-royal-family pony could hope to obtain, not to mention the great pay and benefits! When he retired, he would be comfortable for the rest of his years.

However it seemed there was yet even more greatness awaiting him. In all his time and effort, he never veered from his path to the top, to being the best at everything he applied himself to. Not even for romance. But fate it seemed had other plans in store for him. It wasn't as though he had to even try. He was a rugged, handsome stallion in a position of great power and financial security. Never mind the fact that mares greatly outnumbered stallions across Equestria in general.

Needless to say, girls practically threw themselves at him on a daily basis. And not tramps either, but beautiful mares of the Canterlot elite. But no matter the temptations set before him, he would not be moved. He would politely decline their offer and bid them adieu. It was widely whispered that his barn door swung the other way, thereby explaining his choice of a vocation exclusively for stallions.

"Gay," He grumbled to himself at the memory, "I WISH it were that simple. If I were gay there would be no problem." He said, now conversing with his rapidly vanishing glass of cider.

The rumors persisted until he met his match for relationship stubbornness. Or rather, met her again. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Cadence for short. She used to foal sit his younger sister and keep an eye on her. But then, years later, she had her eyes on him instead. She did not get special treatment. Princess or not, Alicorn or not, even as beautiful as she was.

And she was.

He politely declined her advances just the same. Rumors of royal romance have always been a red hot subject for Equestrian tabloids. Was no mare good enough for the Captain?

"No, it's me who's not good enough for anypony." He mumbled, pouring himself yet a third glass.

But Cadence would not be denied. Finally she was able to talk him into seeing her. As a friend of course, on a steady basis, to various romantic restaurants and locales about the city, just as friends. But somehow, somewhere along the way, she chipped away at that stoic shell. She made a crack in that shining armor of his. One day she finally got to his heart.
________________________________________________________________________________

Shining was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of the front door of the house opening and then closing far behind him. "Shining, oh Shi-i-ining, I'm home!" Cadence called from the other room. He didn't budge. She made a bee line to right where she knew she would find him on the balcony. "Oh, baby, baby, no." she cried as she cradled his face in her soft hooves, "Why do you do this to yourself every night? Why won't you ever tell me whats wrong?"

Shining's glazed eyes stared through her. She loved him. She absolutely did. She was 100% in love with him. It took a long time and a lot of effort for her to be able to see the Captain's private life. Inside the doors of his home, he didn't hide who he was. If anything, he hoped that her seeing him like this at last would ward her off. But Cadence loved him just as hard as she could. She made it her mission to save this hurting soul.

He felt sorry for her, putting all that effort into him, a lost cause. How could anyone love him? Sure he loved her back. But his love for her it was somewhere out there, in the house. Maybe his love for her was in the pantry, in a jar. But it wasn't in his heart. She held his head to her chest. She wanted so much for him to just be happy.

Happy?

He hadn't been happy since he left home. Sure, he could wear a fake smile all day at work, or when visiting guests. He'd chuckle at the odd joke here or there. But nowadays he was always just so angry underneath, that moments of levity caused him pain, gave him headaches. Happiness for this stallion hurt.

"Come on," Cadence tried, "It's your birthday tomorrow! There must be SOMEthing you want."

I wish Twilight would talk to me.

"No. I don't want anything." He lied. "Its not that big a deal!"

"Of course it is!" She chided, "You're another year older!"

"Another year closer to the grave." He muttered.

Cadence's patience was wearing thin, "I wish you wouldn't be so morbid about this. It's supposed to be a happy occasion!"

"I'll never get what I want." He complained.

"Especially if you never ask." She said sternly, prodding him in the chest with her hoof. "Just tell me what you want."

He had no energy to fight again tonight. "Just leave me be. I'm tired."

She gave up. She knew full well that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. He was such a wonderful pony. Everything about him was perfect. She loved him dearly. "What is it about himself that he hated so intensely?" she wondered to herself, feeling defeated as she left him alone.

Shining took a final gulp from the glass and set it down, satisfied he had drowned out the memories. His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim. He drifted off for the night.

Sleep Therapy

Shining Armor walked down the familiar cobblestone road to his parents' house, his foalhood home. As he neared it, he saw Twilight walking out. She began heading in the opposite direction. Hadn't she seen him?

He started after her in a light trot, calling out to her, trying to get her attention. She didn't appear to increase her pace, yet he didn't gain any ground either. He quickened himself, running now. She just kept on slowly walking at her calm pace, but he got no nearer, and yet he could see himself moving forward. He flew into a full gallop, the ground was a blur beneath him. He clenched his teeth, his muscles burned, his eyes watered.

But he couldn't get any closer to the purple mare. She moved no faster. She calmly turned a corner, he was there an instant later. But she was gone. He looked around in a panic.

"Twilie!" He shouted. But there was nothing. Nothing but a soft echo in the empty alleys. It was then that he realized that he didn't know where he was. He looked back in the direction he had just come from. He didn't recognize any of the landmarks. He felt his legs give out. He collapsed in a heap and wept.

"SHINING ARMOR." A voice called out.

He recognized his name, and knew immediately who was addressing him. He hastily dried his eyes and took a humble knee.

"Your highness. What brings you here?" he answered to Princess Luna from his bow.

He felt the ground tremble in her presence. "YOU DO." She bellowed in Royal Canterlot Voice. The buildings around him began to crack and crumble, breaking apart into dust and fading away. Around them, the Walls of a study rose in their place, surrounding the two ponies. They were lined with wooden shelves and dusty tomes. A plush couch materialized beside him as the cobblestone road morphed into a hardwood floor. Luna lofted down into a newly appearing armchair. Somehow, a vaulted ceiling grew over them, replaced the sky.

He sighed, knowing what this meant. "I'm dreaming."

"Quite astute." She said in her indoor voice from her chair, donning her reading glasses. Why she needed glasses at all in the Dreamscape, Shining couldn't fathom. "Lie on the couch." She motioned with her hoof.

"Um, no thanks." Shining was in no mood to play along with Luna's games.

"Did my voice go up at the end of that sentence? Because that was not a request." She said with a power of seriousness that did not require shouting. He climbed into the couch without further protest. A notepad and quill materialized in front of the Princess of the Night. "So," her voice changing into an eerie chipper, "what shall we talk about?"

"I don't want to talk about anything. I actually would just like to wake up right now." He said as flatly as he could, trying to mask his frustration.

"Oh, but you see, you piled on- let's see, one, two, oh- three glasses of cider on top of that sleeping potion you took. You are out like a light for at least six more hours. So how about we make the best of our time together hmm?" She smiled.

"I can do that elsewhere." He said and he stormed out of the study. He threw open the door and ended up in the next room which was... the same study. He looked behind himself to see- himself walking into the room behind him, like two mirrors facing each other. An infinite hall of mirrors. An infinite hall of studies. Luna waited patiently for him as the situation settled in for him. He wasn't going anywhere. She sat in her chair with her hooves crossed. He resigned himself to his fate and laid back down on the couch.

He repeated her question back to her, "So, what shall we talk about?"

She balked, "Captain! You should know that it is considered rude to answer a question with a question."

"Oh, I think we've left pleasantries at the door when you took me hostage in my own dream." He said crassly.

"Hostage?" She scoffed, "Captai-" She held her tongue. Him becoming angry would not help anypony. "Shining, I'm here to try to help you."

"And I already said 'no thank you' Princess Lu-" He was cut off.

"Just Luna, please. Just call me Luna here, in this place. I'm here as a friend, for a friend."

"OK. Luna. But no thank you." He said, as politely as he could manage. Her patience had run out.

"Such arrogance." She hissed, "You may want to consider the possibility that I am -NOT- doing this just for you. My time could be better served helping innocent foals overcome their nightmares rather than trying to save some tired old drunk who has given up on himself. I am doing this as a personal favor."

"For whom?" he asked.

"That is not your business." She said with her eyebrows furrowed slightly. The lighting of the room grew dark with her anger. The walls seemed to lean in closer, making Shining feel claustrophobic. She regained her composure, returning to her chipper facade. The room relaxed and lightened with her. "Now, enough about me. Let's talk about yoOou." She said with a sort of sing-song voice.

"OK." He said flatly.

"Let's talk about these nightmares of yours. You've been having them for nearly your entire adult life." She read off matter-of-factually. She flipped through a folder of papers, presumably about him, he imagined. They, like everything else, seemed to just materialize out of the ether.

"They're not nightmares." He interrupted.

"They're hardly pleasant." She retorted. "So. Your sister, Twilight, then." He winced at the mention of her name, "Always Twilight. Every night, Twilight. Why is that?" She asked. He was visibly in pain. Her name on his ears was each a dagger in his heart, and in his soul.

"TwilightTwilightTwilight!" She mocked, if only to get some kind of response from the stallion.

"ENOUGH!" He shouted, sitting up. The walls rattled. A few books fell from the shelves, which themselves threatened to break. Luna's eyes darted about for a second. She needed to maintain the illusion of control. This was his dream after all, she was only a guest here. He laid back down. "Just- stop- with that."

"But I thought you liked pain, Shining." She cooed, "Isn't that what you keep telling yourself? The pain suits you? Pain very well deserved? Why Shining? Why does your soul deserve to be in pain every waking hour? And even every night in your restless nightmares? We do not even torture our worst enemies so."

"I do deserve it." He said rolling over and curled into a ball, burying his face into the back of the couch. "Do with me what you will, Princess. I won't try to stop you." He resigned. "I won't resist. I don't care anymore." Luna looked at him a moment. It was interesting reading his reaction. She honestly did not know what it was he expected her to do to him. She watched the visions flash through his mind. He imagined so many gory executions of himself. He felt nothing about them.

"Do you fear death, my son?" She asked him.

"No." He replied without hesitation.

"But you sometimes wish for it?" She pressed.

He rolled back onto his back, "I do wish for it."

She sighed, trying to find a common ground, "It is like that for those of us who have done such things. That is why you have nightmares."

"All soldiers have nightmares." He reasoned.

"Only those who regret what they have done." She replied calmly.

He looked her squarely in the eyes, "You have no idea, of the things that I have done."

Luna lowered her glasses from her snout, "I tried to shroud all of Equestria in eternal night. It could have been catastrophic had Twilight and her friends not succeeded in stopping me." He felt another stab at the mention of her name.

"Your sister forgave you. Your fairy tale has a happy ending." He said. "There is no happy ending for me."

"Do you honestly think that was the 'happily ever after'?" She asked rhetorically, "After a thousand years of hateful brooding on the moon that it was all solved in a single hug?" She put her glasses back on, "Don't be so ignorant."

He rolled over onto his belly with his chin on the arm of the couch, "How does the story end then?"

"Tia forgave me for my transgressions even before my salvation. Even as I still committed atrocities against Equestria as Nightmare Moon." Shining listened intently now, she continued. "It didn't matter what I did, or what ever I was going to do, it didn't matter. She would always forgive me. I never understood it. Not until I returned to my mantle as the Princess of the Night." she paused, lost in thought for a moment, "She never spoke it overtly, but it was an unspoken courtesy that I would not visit her dreams." Luna bowed her head remorsefully and looked at Shining from under her ethereal bangs, "But one night, I did. I did knowing she would forgive me, but afraid all the same." She trailed off.

"What did you see?" he asked with the awe of a colt at a spooky campfire story.

"I bore witness to the montage of the events leading up to my banishment in the moon a thousand years ago." Luna said, her eyes glistening in sorrow, "Not once but repeatedly! Again and again!" she cried, "Every missed opportunity she had to stop me on my dark path, every chance she missed to save me from my fate in the moon!" her tears ran freely now, "She forgave me in a heartbeat, but she never forgave herself! And so she tortures herself all night, every night with those nightmares. Just as she has every night for the past millennium!" Luna tried to calm herself, and regained her composure. "After that night, I never again questioned her source of kindness and temperance. Because in her mind, she still thinks herself a monster."

She stopped. They both just sat and stared at each other for what felt like hours. Shining spoke first.

"You wish to save me as you would save her?" He asked softly.

"I'm just trying to tell you I know your pain, Shining. I've seen it. I know what it can do." She sat upright again, "I know it makes you want to be a better stallion. It's what makes you try harder. It makes you put 110% into all your endeavors. To make up for whatever crime it is you are punishing yourself for. But it also makes you a harder pony for the pain."

She leaned in closer. "But that's not what you want. That just leaves you as a hollow shell. A mask. It's not who you really are." She paused, waiting for his fullest attention. "Which begs the question, and don't you lie to me Shining Armor, don't you dare lie to me after this. Which begs the question: What do you want Shining Armor? What do you really want?"

I just want her to talk to me.

Luna perked up at his inner monologue's response, "Is that so difficult?"

"What do you know?" He said.

"I know that time changes everything, Shining. Mountains crumble, stars burn out. All things change in time. Even the most broken of hearts mend in time." Behind her, Twilight Sparkle walked into the room. Shining fell backwards out of his chair. His reaction was most telling. He wanted her to say something. Anything. Her mouth moved, but no sounds came forth. Tears ran down his cheeks as he laid on the floor. Twilight moved closer to him. She reached out with her hoof. That was when Luna felt it.

Pure. Abject. Terror. The combined collective fear of snakes, spiders, bats, public speaking, and the very dark itself. It possessively radiated off of the stallion. The temperature of the room plunged.

"OH PLEASE NO!" He cried. His breath was visible in the cold air. He whimpered a sound that Luna had never heard come from a pony before. "I'M SO SORRY!" What could he possibly think she was going to do to him? His fears were beyond Luna's comprehension. It made no sense. Unless-

He was afraid for her.

Before Twilight could touch him she vanished. He was still trembling. "Shining," He looked up. His eyes were bloodshot. "Ponies that live, can forgive. You mortal-kind have no idea unto yourselves how fleeting and special your lives are. You need to let yourself be forgiven before your last goodbye is a late one."

"Never. I don't deserve it." He said. "I knew better. She was just a filly. I was supposed to be the one to protect her. Not-" His voice was lost. He couldn't bring himself to say it. The walls around them began to crack and crumble. Light began to break though as the dust blew away. Luna felt herself losing her tenuous grasp on the fading dream.

Forgive yourself Shining Armor. Forgive yourself, and she might too...
_________________________________________________________________

Shining Armor awoke in his bed. Cadence was propped up on her elbow beside him. The morning light was just beginning to trickle into the room through the cracks in the drapes.

"Good morning star shine!" Cadence greeted him

"How'd I get here?" He asked.

"I carried you to bed. You were dead to the world two minutes after I left you out there last night. So I brought you to bed and tucked you in."

Shining's pillow was wet. "I guess I drooled last night."

"No," she said as her happy expression fell, "Not drool." She just sort of looked at him with sympathetic eyes, "You know, I've never seen anyone frown so much in their sleep."

"Been in that many beds have you?" He quipped. He was answered with a jab to his exposed ribs.

"Stop it. You know only I love you." She cooed and kissed him. "I was hoping you'd feel better today.

"Oh and why is that?" He asked as he jumped out of bed and headed into the other room without expecting an answer.

"It's what I hope every day..." She whispered to herself.

A Canterlot Wedding

Shortly after Shining Armor proposed to Cadence, plans rapidly began to materialize for the Royal Wedding. Shining was discussing some prep work with Princess Celestia, who would be the master of the ceremonies for the occasion.

"Wait, so you already sent out invitations to everypony, your majesty? My whole family?"

"That's correct Captain." Celestia nodded.

"So that would include... T- Twilight?" Shining stuttered, holding his poise.

"But of course! You can't have a wedding without the mare of honor!" she smiled.

"Mare of honor?" he asked, his jaw slack.

"Mm-hmm. She'll be right by your side for the whole thing. Isn't that sweet?" Her eyes practically twinkled with joy. Shining Armor had faced many a great foe defending Canterlot and Equestria's borders. All the beasts of the Everfree and beyond. But he did not know fear like he felt in that moment. It was like staring down a spear as it hurtled squarely toward his chest.

"S-Sounds great!" he managed, with a poker face for the ages.
_______________________________________________

Twilight and her friends were enjoying their picnic in the beautiful summer's afternoon. As Twilight levitated the basket into place Rarity commented on the weather, "Oh, it is gorgeous out. Just gorgeous!" Rainbow Dash idly chewed on her sandwich, Applejack sipped her drink. Twilight levitated a juicy apple from the basket. But before she could get a first bite, Spike came running in from yonder.

"Twi- light- I- have-" *pant* "Let me just- huh!" BELCH

In a burst of magic green flame a rolled parchment materialized forth. Knowing the drill, Twilight levitated and unrolled the scroll unceremoniously, reading it's contents aloud.

"Dear Twilight, I am sure you are as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot..." She paused looking around at the group, "Wedding?" before resuming her dictation, "I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wonderful occasion. Fluttershy, I would you and your songbird choir to provide the music."

Fluttershy blushed, "Oh my goodness, what an honor!"

Twilight continued, "Pinkie Pie, I can think of no one more qualified than you to host the reception."

Pinkie Pie did a cartwheel while exclaiming, "Hip hip hooray!"

"Applejack, you will be in charge of the catering for the reception."

Applejack beamed with pride, "Well color me pleased as punch!"

"Rainbow Dash, I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a Sonic Rainboom as the bride and groom perform their I-do's."

Rainbow dash nearly ate her hoof at the request, before leaping into the air, "YES!"

"Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids."

Rarity suddenly felt her world spinning, "Princess Celestia wants me to- ah, ah!" she began to lose her footing "-wedding dress... for a Canterlot wedding- I, I..." was all she could get out before fainting into the grass with a catatonic grin plastered on her face.

"And as for you, Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all, making sure everything goes as planned. See you all very soon. Yours, Princess Celestia." She paused, rereading the letter, checking both sides for something she missed, "But I don't understand. Who's getting married?"

Spike cut in, "Oh, wait, uh, I was probably supposed to give you THIS one first." he said handing her a different scroll.

Twilight began reading the new scroll, "Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and... MY BROTHER?"

Twilight was frozen in shock for several seconds before Applejack took her hoof in hers and began shaking it vigorously, "Your brother's getting married? Congratulation Twilight! That's great news!"

Twilight began to pace angrily, "Yeah, great news. That I just got from a wedding invitation. Not from my brother but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot Shining Armor. I mean really, he couldn't tell me personally?" she said a she lifted up a sandwich, working it's layers as a puppet's mouth, mocking her brother's voice, "Hey Twilight, just thought you should know I'm making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, never mind. You'll hear about it when you get the invitation."

She switched to an overly sweet tone as she repeated the bride's name, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?" before angrily asking aloud, "Who in the hoof is that?" as she snorted in frustration.

Fluttershy flittered in and quietly asked, "Um, Twilight, are you OK?"

Am I OK?

The question echoed in Twilight's mind. It had been over eight years since she had last spoken to her estranged brother. Not since... that night.

But she couldn't let on that anything was wrong. Not now with so much that needed to be done at the beckon of the Princess. And certainly not here in front of her friends who respected her so much. No. Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all.

"Sorry. It's just that Shining Armor and I have always been so close." Twilight lied. It was one she had told herself many times when she was alone, she almost believed it herself. "He's my BBBFF." The others looked at her confused. "Big brother best friend forever?"

"Ohh." they all said collectively.

"Before I came here and learned the importance of friendship, Shining Armor was the only pony I ever really accepted as a friend." Twilight continued. That last part wasn't false. Though, after... he moved out, she found it very hard to socialize and became increasingly insular, resorting to her books for sole entertainment.

Twilight wanted to cinch it that everything with her brother, whom she hadn't even mentioned existed to her friends in the two long years since she moved her, was OK. "I know how I'll convince them. WITH SONG!" she thought.

Because why not?

"I missed him more than I realized, it seems." Twilight thought to herself, her eyes watering.

Applejack walked up and put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "As one of you PFFs," more blank stares "Pony friends forever,"

"Ohh"

Applejack continued, "I wanna tell you that your brother sounds like a real good guy."

Twilight thought about that for a moment. She really had done a good job with that song. She tried to give a safe answer. AJ always could sense dishonesty. "He is pretty special. I mean they don't let just anypony be Captain of the Royal Guard." She said trying to shift the attention.

Rarity's ears perked up at that, "So let me get this straight, we're helping out with a wedding of not only a princess... but the Captain of the Royal Guard?!"

Twilight shrugged. "I guess we are."

Rarity fainted while the others celebrated. Twilight just sat and brooded. Her brother, after all these years. What was she going to do. She needed to talk to somepony about... brothers.

Family Matters

Twilight plodded along the path to Sweet Apple Acres from her library. She could just as easily teleport there in the blink of an eye, but she was not looking forward to this. In fact it took all her willpower to not turn and run and hide out at Zecora's jungle hut until this whole thing blew over. The more she thought about it the more she liked the sound of it. She was just inside the fence's gate when she decided to run and hide.

"HAY Twilight!" Applejack called out to the purple unicorn.

"Hey Applejack. What's up?" Twilight asked as she trotted closer.

"What's up with yew? You're the one who came here." Applejack closed the door to the barn behind her.

"Oh. Right. Yes. I did. I, um." AJ just waited for her friend patiently, with that same old gentle smile. Twilight sighed, "Applejack, can we talk?"

" 'Course we can sugar cube. What a 'bout?"

Twilight started in general, "Well it's about the wedding you see..."

AJ beamed, "Yup, exciting stuff that! I was just digging through a couple of Granny Smith's ole cook books for the occasion!"

Twilight smiled weakly, "Yes, um that's nice and all, but it's not about the preparations. It's about, it, I..."

Applejack tried her best to be patient, "Well come on now sugar, spit it out already."

Twilight tried to steel herself and just say it. "OK. Applejack."

"That's me."

"Yes, that's you. OK, you know how I have a brother?"

"Uh huh."

"And you have a brother."

"Riiight."

"And they're both brothers. We both have brothers." Twilight couldn't believe how stupid she must have sounded.

AJ tried to help, "Twilight are you feeling OK? You been getting too much sun today or somethin'?"

Twilight shook her head. "Yeah, I mean no, I mean, I'm fine. I just, have you ever had a problem with your brother?"

AJ thought for a moment and chuckled, "Well sure we've had the ole tussle or two. Nothing a couple a mugs a the ole Apple Family Cider can't sort out, he he."

Twilight frowned slightly.

Applejack could tell this was serious. "Well now, lemme think a sec. I suppose no, then. Nothing too serious. When you're family, it's easier to forgive and forget I guess." she looked at her friend, concerned. "What's this about Twi? Is there a problem 'tween you and your bro?"

Twilight snapped to attention at the exactness of the accusation. "You could say that... So you and you brother have always been close?"

AJ smiled again, "Aw sure. He's my BBBFF, just like you." Twilight smirked at the reference.

Twilight took a deep breath. This would be the hard part. "I guess what I'm trying to ask is if you were ever close."

AJ didn't understand, "I just told you, we've always been close."

Twilight tried again, "No, I mean cloOose!" she physically could not raise her eyebrows any higher with them still being attached to her face.

The realization began to wash over Applejack. "Oh... OH! I smell what your stepping in." she move in closer to Twilight putting her foreleg around her and whispered, "OK, now Twilight, when I tell you this, you need to swear on your life that this stays just 'tween yew an me, got it." Twilight nodded vigorously. " Kay," Applejack checked over her shoulder one last time, "Me and Big Mac? We ARE close."

Now it was Twilight's turn to be shocked. "Oh my gosh!" AJ glared at her. Twilight lowered her volume. "I mean, oh my gosh. But, but isn't that wro-"

"Wrong?" AJ cut her off. "I don't think so. He don't think so. And frankly we don't care what other ponies think so." Twilight was a bit taken aback at AJ's sudden forwardness about the subject. Clearly this was something that she had rehearsed for such an occasion for some time now. She was past shock now and now just fully inquisitive.

"But, but I thought there were rules against... that sort of thing." Twilight said

AJ rolled her eyes. "Pfft, I don't care what some big wig wrote in some book some wheres. All I knows is what I feels. I mean, sure it ain't right to be breedin' with kin because of birth problems. But as long as you're careful, and make sure not to be... playing around... on you're fertile cycle, then you're sound as a pound.

Twilight was still absorbing everything. "So this is a... normal thing?"

It was Applejacks turn to stammer a bit, "Well I- I wouldn't say so for, for most siblings, mostly all. It's pretty rare I'd imagine. But then it's not like they'd tell the world about it. Hell it's our biggest secret. Maybe it's more common than we think."

Twilight thought about that for a moment. "So, so how did that even happen with you two. Like, how did that start?"

Applejack shuffled her hooves a bit, "Well Twi, that's, that's a bit of a long story there. But it started out the way I imagine it would for most... close ... siblings." her term for what they were. "I had just gotten my cutie mark and was getting to be a grown mare. And a course I was feeling those- urges- you know?" Twilight blushed. "So a course I was curious about boys but spent all my time on the farm working. So a course my only point of reference was..." AJ pointed over her shoulder at the farm house behind her. "Started out innocent enough. It's not like Canterlot with their clothes all the time, so it was easy peeking. And you know for a stallion... that just happens sometimes."

Twilight's blush deepened. She did remember peeking at his brother whenever he got... excited around the house. It was mostly out of curiosity though. AJ continued, "Well I got to the point where I was just figuring out how to um, do the ole lovin-the-muffin?"

"Clopping?" Twilight deadpanned

"SHHH!" AJ put her hoof over her mouth. "Just shout it why don't ya?" she sighed, "So yeah, I had just started doing... that, and I was curious if boys did that too. So one night I snuck down the hall and I caught him... doing that." AJ paused for a second and gauged Twilight's reaction so far. "Well one time I was watching and I got caught by him. He wasn't mad er nothing. He could tell I was curious so he just let me watch."

OK, that part surprised Twilight. "Wait, so he just let you waltz in and watch him... jerkin the gherkin?"

AJ laughed out loud at the euphemism. "Ha ha, yeah I guess. Well one thing led to another. Watching led to touching, which led to helping, etc, etc."

Twilight was really amazed, "Oh my goodness! This whole time, I would have never guessed!"

Applejack had a sudden realization, "Hay, now Twi, I'd say I been real accommodating with your questions all about my personal business. Would you please tell me what this is all about?"

Twilight remembered what she had come to talk about in the first place. "Oh, it's just that, well I guess close siblings are more common than I thought."

The sun was beginning to set. Applejack pressed the issue, "So... did you and your brother ever... were you close?"

Twilight just stared at her hooves in the fading light, "Yeah, yeah, you could say that," She looked up at Canterlot on the distant mountainside, "but it didn't go so well..."

________________________________________________________________

Shining Armor sat in his chair on the balcony, looking down at Ponyville in the sunset. Round loaded he spun the cylinder of his revolver.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz *click*

He levitated it to temple and pulled the trigger.

*CLICK*

He sighed, disappointed. "Not today." he mumbled as he unloaded and put the revolver away in the drawer and locked it. He poured himself another glass of Applejack Daniel Cider. It was going to be another hard day's night.

A Shining Light

Celestia's sun fell below the horizon, it's glow fading into twilight.

Twilight

Shining Armor's heart ached. His chest filled with burning pain at the thought. He poured himself another glass to put out the flames. Every night it got a little harder. Every time it took just a little more to kill the pain, the memories. Soon it would reach the threshold where the amount to kill the memories would take his life with it. He welcomed death's warm embrace. He picked up his book of poetry and opened to a ragged dogeared page, Thanatopsis. He read it aloud to himself.

So live, that when thy summons comes
to join the innumerable caravan
which moves to that mysterious realm,
where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death,
thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night, scourged to his dungeon,
but, sustained and soothed by an unfaltering trust,
approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him,
and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Shining spun the cylinder.
WHIZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz *click*
He lifted the pistol to his temple.

*CLICK*

He sighed, disappointed.

"Not today?" He heard a voice behind him. His fiance, Cadence, was standing there in the shadows of the living room. She moved into the light. "We're getting married in two days."

Shining emptied the revolver and placed it back in the drawer, locking it. "This isn't about the wedding."

"I know." she answered, "You've been doing this every night for as long as I can tell. Is it really that bad? Your life?"

"I am meant to suffer." He answered solemnly. "I have long feared that the sins of my past would come back to haunt me... and that the cost would be more than I could bear."

"So that's it then? A five in six chance at another day?" She scoffed, "You should know that if you gamble long enough the house wins." She pleaded.

"Yeah... that's kinda the plan." He looked down at the desk, taking another swig of cider, "But fate it seems is not ready for me to be at peace. I keep coming up click. Another day to suffer."

"No!" She cried, "No, it's another chance to redeem yourself! Another chance to be the pony you were meant to be! Oh, Shining, I love you so much! You mean everything to me! I want to marry you in two days, not bury you! But I don't want to marry a stranger! Please, PLEASE just tell me what it is about yourself that you hate so much! What could you have done that was so bad that you have to suffer so?"

Shinning hadn't the fight in him any longer to resist. Outside the skies had gone dark, the stars twinkling in the heavens. He motioned to the seat beside him. "You better have a seat. It's kind of a long story and not one that's easy to tell, so bear with me." Cadence sat beside her future husband, listening intently. "You see, it was several years ago, while I was still living at home with my parents and... her. With, Twilight..."
__________________________________________________

Twilight laid herself to sleep in her library home. The stars and crescent moons of her blankets wrapped about her in warm embrace. The wedding was in two days. She would be leaving for Canterlot tomorrow afternoon aboard the Friendship Express. She was so worried about the preparations to come, she feared she wouldn't get any sleep that night. To her pleasant surprise, sleep took her quite easily, guided by Luna's unseen hoof.

Twilight found herself in a field of tall grass, flying a kite in the gentle breeze of a warm summer's day. She was alone, enjoying the tranquility of the solitude, the sound of the wind on the grass.

"Miss Sparkle, pardon my intrusion." Luna begged as she lofted down into Twilight's Dreamscape. Twilight released the kite and it vanished into the ethereal sky.

"Princess, I didn't expect to see you out here in a field this time of day." Twilight said as she curtsied.

"It is urgent, regarding your brother. You must come with me." Luna commanded. Twilight took Luna's hoof, and in an instant they rocketed away into the sky of the Dreamscape. The ground below Twilight faded away into a tiny pinpoint of light. A tiny star on the sky below her. Or was it above her? It was suddenly hard to tell. But as she widened her view, she saw other stars. Hundreds, no, thousands!

"Where are we?" Twilight asked, in a daze.

"Twilight Sparkle, welcome to my realm, the realm of the Dreamscape. Scant few ponies have ever bore witness to it and kept their sanity. It is well that I am here to protect you from it." Luna answered.

"Each light is... a dream? A dreamer?" Twilight asked as they moved over the landscape of the Dream.

"Correct. Each light is a sovereign pocket of the Dreamscape that each pony dreamer sculpts by their thoughts." Luna answered in the tone of a bored tour guide.

A Shining Light in the dark Twilight thought to herself.

"Here!" Luna cried, as they plummeted into one of the small dots of light. It was a strange sensation for Twilight, to move at such speeds and feel no wind in her mane. In an instant, the point of light expanded to fill the whole of their field of vision. The ground rushed up to meet their hooves.

"Twilight!"

Twilight turned and looked to the source she was being called from. She saw her brother, frantically searching the streets of Canterlot around them. He looked at her. Right at her. He ran to her, and then ran through her as if she weren't even there.

"Twilight!" He shouted out, past her, before he collapsed onto the sidewalk, sobbing. "Where are you?"

Twilight ran to his side, calling to him, and put her hoof on his shoulder, only to find it pass into him, and was, same as her call for comfort, without effect.

The Captain of the Royal Guard remained in a heap on the Canterlot sidewalk, a broken stallion, crying unto himself.

"He can neither see nor hear you." Luna spoke, moving to Twilight's side. "We are only observers here."

Twilight looked down to him, "This is his dream?"

Luna nodded, "Yes. As his dreams have been every night since he left his parents home. Some times he finds you, sometimes he apologizes. But most nights he is here, alone, searching for you. Wishing only to see your face, or hear your voice."

Twilight began to cry, she could feel his pain, his utter despair, "Princess, isn't there anything you can do?"

Luna looked away, "I would Twilight. I would end such suffering if it were within my power. But Shining Armor will not allow me to save him. He will not allow himself to be saved from this torture of his soul each night."

Twilight was a mix of shocked and angry, "But, but WHY? Why would he wish this pain on himself? For all these years? Nopony deserves this!"

Luna regained her poise, "Twilight, Shining wishes this pain unto himself each day and night because he honestly believes he deserves it, in spite of what his fiance or I have tried to council him otherwise."

"There must be some way..." Twilight pleaded.

"My dear Twilight," Luna said, "I'm afraid the only pony who can free Shining from his prison of guilt an despair... is himself."

Twilight looked down at the crippled stallion before her.

"But you Twilight, you are the key. The key to Shining Armor's salvation. You must convince him to forgive himself." Luna paused, joining Twilight in her gaze upon the broken pony, "Or else he will remain in this emotional prison until it kills him."

Twilight steadied herself. She knew what she had to do now. "Princess Luna, please, take me away. I can bear this sight no longer."

Luna took her hoof in hers. "Nor I." as they vanished into the sky of the Dreamscape.
________________________________________________________________

In the morning, Twilight took the early train into Canterlot. She arrived in the city with the dawn. She looked to the east and took a deep breath. She would need the strength. She strode the familiar path through the city. She headed to a location she knew well. The quarters of the Captain of the Royal Guard.

All around her the city began to awaken. Ponies were out on the sidewalk on their way to work... or jogging. She felt like she was walking to death row, it was sublime to have such diverse... company. She neared the building she sought. She could see the balcony facing cliff-wards, toward her town. She thought she saw movement, but perhaps it was just the drapes left open.

She stood at the door. She stood there for endless minutes, her hoof frozen in mid knock. She looked at her hoof, and then the door, and back and forth, willing it to knock. finally she took a step back, placing all four hooves on the ground. In a flash she lunged forward and knocked, as though jumping into a water pool, do it quickly, now it's too late.

Twilight waited for the shock of the cold water impact...

The door opened slowly, a pony who was not her brother poked her head out.

"Twilight?" Cadence whispered, "Is that really you? My you've grown since I last saw you." She scurried outside and closed the door behind her. "I'm glad your here, I have no idea what to do anymore, and I'm so scared. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him!" Cadence hugged her tightly. "He... he told me about what happened... when he left home." She looked down at Twilight. She returned a sympathetic look, each knowing what the other did now. "Twilight, please, you need to talk to him. I know what he did was wrong, but you need to help him. I filed down the hammer to his revolver years ago, so it won't fire, but he won't need it now. When he woke from his nightmares this morning he was worse than I've ever seen him! This depression is going to kill him!" She was so scared.

Twilight's world was spinning. Everything around her was falling apart. Her brother was killing himself, her foal sitter and friend could only watch as he wasted away. The Princesses, whom she always relied on to be there for her were powerless to help her. She was at the edge of a cliff, dreading the nudge to push her over. So she put a hoof out and stepped forward. Twilight stepped past Cadence, inside the house. Furniture was overturned. There was broken glass everywhere. She crept toward the sound of whimpering. She stepped past empty bottles of cider as she neared the balcony. For the first time in years, she saw him, her brother, Shining Armor.

Oh, Shining, what harm has come to you?

He lay in a heap on the balcony. The curtains, torn from the rod above the doorway, draped about him as a disheveled blanket, stained in blood from his many cuts from the broken glass. His breath was shallow, but Twilight could just barely make out his speech, repeating over and over, his lips smeared with blood.

approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery about him, and lies down to pleasant dreams
and lies down to pleasant dreams
and lies down to pleasant dreams

"Shiny."

His body went rigid. His breath held. His torn ear strained at it's scabs to turn to the sound of the voice. That voice.

"Oh, no, no, Shiny."

"Twilie?" His voice was ragged, he coughed, and opened one of his eyes just a sliver, to peek at this impossibility.

"It's me." She answered.

"Twi-? no. NO! NOOO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!" He screamed from beneath the mess. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" He cried out as he scurried himself away from her, bawling openly now, pressing against the banister of the patio, making himself as small as possible. She tried to move closer. He sobbed into the floor as he shielded his face from her, as though expecting to be beaten to death. It broke her heart to see him like this. "AHHhhHH." He cried out, bawling completely. Real crying. Real crying is ugly. Full on snot bubbles, drooling all over himself, tear stained bloody mess. "DON'T! Don't you look at me! I'm horrible!"

Cadence could only look on helplessly from the shadows. She was past her breaking point. She was watching her fiance dying in front of her. Twilight extended her soft hoof to his cheek. He recoiled away in terror before she could touch him. She moved closer. His eyes were clenched shut, as though expecting her touch to painfully burn him.

"It's okay." She said. Her first contact was so slight, it barely registered to her. But his reaction was immediate.

It was as though he were struck by lightning, like his heart started again. He gasped and took the largest inhale of his life, his bloodshot eyes shot open, looking directly at her. No, this was not a dream. This was very real. There she was. It was her. Twilight.

Twilight

The word brought with it instant sobriety.

"Oh, Shining, what have you done?" She cooed, running her hoof through his matted mane.

"I deserve this-" He manged.

"Why?" Twilight asked. So simple. So potent a question.

"Because- because I'm a bad pony." He cried out, condemning himself.

"Shhh. No more of that. You're not a bad pony. You're a good pony. You're a terrific pony. You're my favorite pony." She told him, cradling his sobbing head in her forelegs.

"GHAHH I'M SO SORRY TWILIE!" He bellowed out between heaves of sobs, tears long since run dry.

"Shhh, I know. I know how sorry you are. You are the most sorry pony I've ever seen." Twilight tried to comfort. "Hey- Hey! Look at me." Shining Armor looked up at his little sister, cradling him. "I know you're sorry. I forgive you!"

"Shining Armor," She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"I love you."

In magic, there are certain words of Power for incantation, evocation, and such.
It's that way to can hear your name over the din of a crowd. There is power in names.
And some words have innate magic power.

'I Love You' is three of them.

Suddenly, Shining Armor was brought to his hooves by an unseen force and lifted into the air. His cuts began to close, his breathing renewed and invigorated. His impoverished body filled back out. He gasped at new life. It was like someone let the air back into the room.

Twilight forgave her brother.

Shining finally forgave himself.

He was slowly lowered back to the floor. His eyes were clear and alert. "Twilie!" She wrapped her hooves around him. "I've missed you so much." He squeezed her. She just squeezed him tighter. It was heaven. A sudden fear gripped him. "Am I dead?"

"No silly. You're still alive. And you have the rest of you life to be happy if you let yourself." Cadence said, joining the hug.

Shining let go of his sister and looked around the room. The place was still a mess and so was he. "I- I think I need a shower."

"Okay, you do that and then we'll celebrate after." She said. He looked at her funny. "Duh! You're getting married!"

Shining smiled. It was the first real smile he'd worn in years. It looked good on him. It felt good. He stepped into the washroom. Luna lofted in through the open window joining the others. Shining let himself be healed by her magic once he had forgiven himself.

"All this time I thought he was mad at me because he was kicked out of the house." Twilight said. "I never realized it was because he felt so ashamed."

"Now we can make up for lost time." Cadence said, turning to Luna as well. "All of us."
____________________________________________________________

That night as Luna stood watch over Equestria, she bid her elder sister's sleeping chamber a visit. She was frowning in her sleep as she always had. The corners of her closed eyed glistened with tears. With her magic she looked into her sisters dreams.

Her sister Celestia dreamed of a millennium ago. She dreamed of a younger Luna visiting her day court.

"Please!" Young Luna begged. "Can't we make the night last just a bit longer? I ask for nothing much, just an hour or two more!

"This has already been explained sister. If we allow the moon too much time then our subjects will not be able to harvest their food properly. How many times must I tell you Luna?" Celestia scolded. "Now... my adviser has just arrived. He and I must discuss actual matters of importance. So if you don't mind dear..."

Celestia dreamed of Luna's dark decent as Nightmare Moon. Not once but repeatedly. She dreamed Luna's faults as her failings as a sister.

Luna broke the spell when she could bear it no more. She dried her sleeping sister's eyes.

"Oh, Celestia, it has been so long since that time. I have already forgiven you." Luna whispered in her ear as she knelt down beside her. "So please, forgive yourself..."

The End

Fanfic inspired by this comic: Forgiveness
Source for poem