Cinema Crusaders

by Phil Ken Sebben

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Sex, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1547

Anon and CMC story

Anon gets bored and goes to the movies, where he meets the CMC trying to sneak in. He decides to help them, but things go south.

Author's note: This was written before "One Bad Apple" aired, so that's why my knowledge of Equestrian cinema was lacking.

Published 2012-12-22 08:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-22 08:30:02 UTC

Cinema Crusaders

Cinema Crusaders

It's a pretty boring day in Ponyville.

You let out a long groan, wondering what you should do. Hang out by the lake? Nah, too cloudy. Walk in the park? Nah, too breezy. The Pegasi sure know how to pick some crappy weather.

What to do...

Oh yeah, that cinema opened like last month. Apparently ponies had the technology to make films long before you arrived, but they never thought to make movies for entertainment until recently. Took them long enough. Oh, might as well...

You get up and grab some bits, put on your jacket, and head out. As you near the cinema, you see a rustling in the bushes beside it. The movie doesn't start for a few more minutes, so you decide to check it out. As you approach, you hear voices.

"Ah should be on top, cuz I look the oldest."

"No, we need you on the bottom because you have the strongest legs!"

"Well then, who's gonna be the middle?"

"Oh, are you sure we'll be tall enough?"

What the...

You brush the bushes aside to find the Cutie Mark Crusaders trying to stand on each other, while pulling a cloak over themselves at the same time. Upon your intrusion, they all fall to the ground in surprise.

"Uh, hi there, Anon!" Apple Bloom says, the three of them trying to look innocent.

"Just what are you three doing?" you ask, narrowing your eyes.

"We're just, you know... trying to get our cutie marks!" Scootaloo chimes in.

"Yeah, that's it!" Sweetie Belle squeaks.

"Nothin' ta see here." Apple Bloom says boldly, trying to push you away with the flat of her head.

"Now wait just a minute." you say, effortlessly picking her up and placing her with the rest.

"I heard you talking about looking older and being taller. It seems to me you lot are trying to sneak into the movie."

The three of them stand in silence, before Scootaloo speaks up.

"It's not fair!" She says, jumping in the air, tiny wings beating like a humming birds.

"Yeah, they won' let little fillies in ta see it!" Apple Bloom whined.

"Why should it matter?" you ask.

Sweetie Belle scoffs.

"Of COURSE it matters? What if our cutie marks are in movies!"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FILM CONNOISSEURS!" they all cry at once, striking a pose.

You can't help but chuckle. You had different reasons, of course, but you spent a lot of your childhood trying to sneak into adult movies. Might as well help them out.

"Well, I'd hate for that to happen." you say, holding back a snicker. "If it means that much to you, I'll help you get in."

"YEAH!" they cheer in unison.

"But only if you're quiet! We're sneaking in, remember?"

They nod vigorously and smile.

"Now, get ready. I'll help with the cloak."

A few minutes later, you're walking to the front of the theater, trailed by a lumpy cloak, not nearly long enough to be a regular pony. They decided to have Apple Bloom on the bottom, since she's the strongest, and Scootaloo on top, being the lightest. You walk, and they stumble, up to the ticket salespony. They have the hood pulled down over Scootaloo's face, which makes it hard to see they're three fillies in a cloak, but also makes it hard for them to see. You stop in front of the counter, and they knock into it.

"OW!" you hear from Scootaloo.

"Sorry!" you faintly hear Apple Bloom reply.

The stallion behind the counter gives you a weird look. "Can I help you?"

"Yes. Two tickets to the movie, please."

He raises an eyebrow. "One for you, and one for..."

"This is my... date."

Sweetie Belle snickers under the cloak. You try to give her a silencing nudge, but instead knock over the entire pile. Quickly, you grab them before they can fall, and make sure they're stacked evenly again.

"Yes. My date."

"... right. Six bits."

You throw him the coins, and do your best to guide the girls inside. It's dark inside, but you manage to lead them to some seats. The three of them shuffle out of the cloak.

"Finally!" they exclaim together.

The seating, meant for pony butts, is a little tight for you, but the girls all three squeeze into the one beside you. Looking around, you're the only ones in the room; everyone who was going to see it must have already. The lights dim further, and the film begins playing on the screen.

As it starts, you can tell you're in for a rough time. The film quality is terrible, and it's not even in color. The first two ponies appear on screen. Their voices are scratchy, and the audio is like two seconds out of synch. You suppress a groan, but the girls are looking at the screen like it's the most incredible thing they've ever seen. You remember your first movie.

Their wonder doesn't last long, though. Soon, they were groaning in boredom.

"This is booooring!" Apple Bloom whines.

"It's just talking!" Scootaloo adds.

"You want to be a film connoisseur, you have to actually watch the movies."

You have to agree, though. The movie IS pretty boring. You begin to let your mind wander, and soon you almost begin to dose off. The mare on screen gives the stallion a sultry look.

"Touch me. You know you want to."

Uh... that doesn't sound good. The mare and stallion on the screen start kissing. Well, it looked less like kissing than like they were trying to suck each others faces off. The trio beside you immediately let out a synchronized "Ewwww".

Wow, this movie just got interesting. You consider maybe taking the girls out, but decide it should be fine. After all it's just kissing; they've seen this before. The mare breaks the kiss, and forces the stallion onto his back. She runs her tongue down his chest, lower, and lower, and...

WHOA what the fuck kind of movie is this!? As the mare begins to bob her head, you look to the girls. Apple Bloom looks disgusted, Sweetie Belle looks confused, and Scootaloo is grinning ear to ear, wings full erect.

"Anon, what's she doing?" Sweetie Belle asks, cocking her head to the side.

"Ok, girls, I think we should go."

Apple Bloom nods, not looking away.

"Not yet!" Scootaloo says, leaning toward the screen.

You pick their cloak up off the ground, and drape it over them, blocking their vision. Scootaloo snakes her way out.

"Knock it off!" she says, eyes on the screen.

You make a grab for her, but she jumps out of reach, zipping away faster than you could hope to run.

"Ok, you two stay here, and don't look at the screen, ok?"

Apple Bloom nods, looking traumatized. Sweetie Belle has no idea what's happening, but she knows it's something wrong. Draping the cloak over them again, you scan the room for Scootaloo. On screen, the stallion was now rutting the mare for all he was worth.

"Ah crap."

Scootaloo isn't hard to spot. She's sitting in the very front row, on the edge of her seat. Sneaking up, you grab her from behind.

"Hey! Let me go!"

She struggles, which isn't so bad, but she starts flapping her wings, almost pulling away from your grip. You use your thumbs to pin her wings to her back. She lets out a sound that could only be described as a moan. You hope it's not the case as you turn away from the screen. Sweetie Belle is out from under the cloak as you return, staring wide eyed at the acts on the screen.

"Anon, what's he doing to that mares pee pee place?"

"Don't talk, please." You say, sticking Scootaloo on the chair with the others.

"She looks like she's enjoying it. Could you do that to me?"

"AGHH!"

You pull the cloak under the fillies, and bring the the edges up and around them. Giving them a quick twist, you pick it up like a sack and carry them over your shoulder. The ticket stallion sees you on the way out.

"Uh, sir, is your lady friend ok?" motioning toward the squirming bag.

"She's fine, she just got into the movie, you know? Wanted me to carry her home. Romantic like."

"... right." He says again.

When you finally reach their clubhouse, you let them down. The four of you stand there in awkward silence.

You clear your throat.

"Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle. I want you to promise me never to tell your sisters about today."

Apple Bloom just gives you a thousand yard stare, and sets off for the farm.

"Um... Anon? What-"

"You'll find out when you're older, Sweetie. Much, much older."

She looks disappointed, but shrugs and sets off for the boutique. You look at Scootaloo. She's avoiding your gaze.

"How about you?" you ask her. "You ok?"

She nods, followed by more silence.

After a few moments, you shrug, and start to walk away.

"Anonymous?"

"Yeah, Scoots?"

"Could you touch my wings like you did before?"

"...I'll see you later, Scoots."

You walk home and shower until your hot water is gone.

Today was a weird day.