Dammit, I Was Young

Twilight stormed into the courtyard, her hooves pressing deep into the grass as she stomped about, weaving between the hedges and around the statues. She muttered quietly as she walked.

"This is some misunderstanding. There's no way."

Upon a pedestal stood a twisted form. His body zigzagged and his draconic tail curled at the tip. His head had been pulled back, his face contorted in terror. His back was arched and his tiny wings were spread. He held his asymmetrical arms out as if resisting an imminent force.

Before her frozen mate the princess sat. Her wings were folded to her sides. She looked up to the exquisite corpse of a statue, a hint of longing glimmering in her eyes.

“Of course she’s here,” Twilight grumbled to herself.

“What was that?” Celestia said, turning her head to Twilight. “Oh, it’s just you.” She sighed lightly.

“What were you doing, Princess?” Twilight inquired.

“Oh, just... relaxing in the courtyard...”  Celestia surveyed the gardens. “A lovely summer day, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh”, Twilight nodded, stepping slowly over to the Princess. “Why here, of all places?”

Celestia looked about nervously. “What?”

Twilight sighed. “Just felt like a relaxing sit beneath the statue of the spirit of chaos?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said, her tone becoming stern. She lifted herself up and puffed up her chest, “there is no reason to speak to me in this manner. Tell me what this is about immediately.”

Twilight swallowed hard. “Did you... have... sex with Discord?”

Celestia’s wings extended, sending a few feathers fluttering to the ground. Her face reddened. “Wh-what?!”

Twilight stepped forward. “Answer me.”

“This is preposterous.” Celestia turned away.

“Just answer me.”

“I do not see how this could possibly be of your concern.”

“You’re just dodging me.”

“Well, what would it matter to you, anyway?”

“So, you’re admitting it?”

“No! How could you even think of such a--” Celestia looked down to her hooves. “I left the accursed book out, didn’t I?”She muttered.

“You sure did.” Twilight said, her voice deadpan.

Celestia stomped down her hoof. “What kind of invasion of privacy is this? How could you do such a thing? You’re my student and you betray me!”

“Fair enough,” Twilight lowered her tone. “This was none of my business. I apologize for intruding on your private affairs. My curiosity got the better of me, and for that I am sorry.” She paused. “But why? Why Discord?”

“You didn’t know him as I did.” Celestia stepped to the side, wrapping her tail around the pedestal of the statue.

“How so?”

“The Discord I grew up with was a kind, jocose soul. He tended towards mischief, but deep down he was really a sweetheart.”

Twilight raised her brow. “He held Equestria in the grip of disharmony, spread misery and hate abound, and you’re telling me he was some sweet little angel?”

“It wasn’t always as such, Twilight Sparkle. We were young. Carefree. In the spring of our lives.”

“Oh brother...” Twilight rolled her eyes.

“We didn’t have cares, or worries. It was a different time, you see. We may have been powerful beings destined for greatness, but back then I was just a teacher’s pet and he a class clown.”

“Uh-huh...” Twilight groaned.

“Do you have a problem, Twilight Sparkle?” Celestia’s grip around the statue tightened.

“I just can’t believe you.”

Celestia lurched forward. “What?”

“All of this. I looked up to you for all of these years. No, not just me, everypony did. But you’re...”

“I’m what, exactly?”

“A… A STRUMPET!”

Without a word, Celestia walked towards Twilight, her chest puffed out. She pulled back her wing and smacked her across the face.

Twilight’s eyes opened wide. Her jaw hung loosely open. She looked up to her furious mentor.

“You naive, sheltered little virgin! I never expected such impudence from you. These are things far beyond your comprehension, my ‘faithful student.'” She made air-quotes with her wings.

Twilight swallowed hard. “What I’m comprehending, Princess, is that you had intercourse with Discord.”

“As I said before, this doesn’t concern you. I am in awe that you have the gall to criticize me after you intruded on my private life.”

“So I’m expected to brush off the fact that you spent your early days… porking that Draconequus?”

“Yes. Exactly. Glad you have figured this all out with that big brain of yours.”

“B-but he’s Discord!”

Celestia tilted her head up as she walked past Twilight. “Yes, he sure is. And this Princess finds him quite the charmer,” she grinned slightly, “and the best I have had.”

Twilight felt her breakfast well up in her throat as Celestia entered her palace. She turned to the statue, furrowing her brow.

“This is all your fault.”